#life could be better

[cigaretteandcandle]

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[ry-ya05]

i like lamenting the problems in my life even though i know that it may be false.

i don't feel guilty when someone shouts at me because of my mistakes.

i don't want to feel sad because i'm a horrible person, so i shift the blame in my mind though i'm the one responsible.

and so because of that, i became too egotistical.

nothing brings me "true" joy because everyone treats me like im above the rest; that i should be others in the same level.

but the others are all unique and i don't feel like i belong.

i can't get along with anyone without exaggerating my personality. i don't even make sense in conversation anymore.

is this really the [me] i've grown up to be?

some people can figure themselves out. they're self-aware of their problems and how they act because of it. it's up to them if they want to improve or not.

but most of us think we know ourselves better than other people, but in truth, we don't. we can't pinpoint the factors that influenced us to be the way we are today.

i am a walking contradiction.

i keep on saying that i like writing but i can't even feel proud of my works no matter how good it is.

i'm not a fond of chess but i use it as an excuse to tell my parents that i do play a sport.

i don't have a driving force to keep me going but for some reason i'm here typing this out.

i don't have an important role in the bigger world yet i keep on trying to get included.

i liked drawing but i gave up because i felt that i couldn't express myself in that way even though i had "talent" for it.

i'm gonna be such a let-down when i grow up.

i'm a smart kid, i should have a high-paying job and have a healthy body and stay happy!

but i'm still a kid who doesn't know what to be when they grow up because everyone tells the negatives of life and nags them to be athletic when they'd rather be inside and limits them from doing something because "it doesn't suit you".

then again, it's all on me if i become a disappointment. it was my choice not to eat, it was my choice not to study, it was my choice to lie and hide, it was my choice to be unemployed.

and now everyone's leaving my side 'cause i gave up in front of the finish line. i couldn't cross it, i stared at it, i yearned for it, but i was glued in place because i couldn't keep up and i lost my motivation to go on. if i succeed, will i feel that level of happiness again soon?

i'm still questioning on why i'm coded like this even though i know i won't arrive at an answer -- maybe i'll know when i grow old.

but for now,

let's try to focus on living.

take it one day at a time.

let's worry about the present.

[chloesimaginationthings]

The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..

[wasyago]

snoozing n cruising

[egophiliac]

Malleus' bday is coming up, thoughts on what his sleepwear might be?

anticipating that reveal any time now, so gotta get my predictions in real quick (aka extremely fast drawings) (I'm sorry)

[xitsensunmoon]

You'd think after getting your dear daycare attendant out of the Pizzaplex you would live happily ever after, hm?

look who changed their mind to post the whole thing together oops

[morganmnemonic]

I can't stop thinking about the relationship between Jon and Helen as perhaps one of the most important ones in the entire show. They are narrative parallels for each other, and they both know it. They've both known it from the very start!

Helen walks into the Archives, paranoid, unsure of who to trust, and Jon sees himself in her. And he thinks "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." Then he can't save her. The next time they meet, she's a monster. They're both monsters. There was never any other way their stories could have gone, their fates entwined from the very start.

And Helen answers his original thought with one of her own: "Maybe if we can help each other, there's hope for us both." But Jon looks at her and sees everything that he fears becoming, and so he turns her away, and refuses to accept that their stories are still one and the same.

Helen went to the last person who was ever kind to her, the only person who both knew her as a human and had the context to understand what she'd become, and he hated her. He hated her because he liked Helen, and told her that she couldn't be Helen.

So she stopped trying to be Helen, and embraced being a monster. Reveled in it even. Then Jon wakes up from a six month coma, more monster than person, and tries so hard to cling to the things that mattered to him when he was human. Even with no support, even with the entire archives staff against him, he chooses humanity and compassion over and over again.

And this is a direct threat to Helen's world view. Their stories are entwined. If Jon can continue to be a person even after everything he's been through, then she could have clung to her humanity too, if only she'd tried a little harder. And that terrifies her! She wants to conceptualize herself as someone who was completely overwhelmed by forces beyond her control, who never had a choice but to become a monster. She want's to be an innocent victim. But Jon argues with his actions that they'd both had choices.

And, Jon, in turn, holds out hope that she might make better choices until the very end.

This is the conflict between them for all of season 4 and 5. Jon wants to prove that they can both be decent people, and Helen wants to prove that they were never going to be anything but monsters. This is why she's so devoted to trying to goad Jon into enjoying his newfound godhood. She knows that they are the same, and wants that to mean that he has a spark of evil inside of him, and not that she was always capable of doing good.

When Jon kills her, she loses her life, but wins the argument. Helen is nothing but a dangerous monster who needs to be killed for the good of everyone, and in the moment he decides that, Jon dooms himself to the same fate. Their stories are one and the same. "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." he thought. But he couldn't help her, refused to, even, in the one moment when it actually mattered. And thus, there was never hope for him.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

[spookberry]

Idiot to Idiot communication

[r3nblade]

[scribz-ag24]

When I say I get emotional over Special Episode 0, I mean it. Now, have an omake because I cannot be emotionally vulnerable for more than 3 images at a time

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Maybe we never had a chance.

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[soliloqueeer]

When I first watched this episode, I was very confused about Lestat's motivations for being at the trial. During Claudia's execution, I kept thinking, why isn't he moving? Just do something. Help her.

I understand now that Lestat, at this point, is much weaker than usual for reasons that haven't yet been fully explored. From interviews with Sam Reid, I also learned that there was no way Lestat would miss this trial. However, Lestat isn't a planner—he arrived, memorized his lines, yet was utterly unprepared for what was about to unfold. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was going to save Louis. That was his sole plan.

When Claudia says, "It's never been about me," you can see the guilt and shame in Lestat's eyes. Yet, when she announces her plan to kill everyone in the crowd after her death, he's staring at her with pride.

I believe Lestat did a lot of reflecting while in his coffin, pondering how he ended up in this situation and what led his fledglings to turn against him. I think he was actually proud of Claudia for successfully orchestrating his murder. She outsmarted him, and he had entirely underestimated her. This final act of violence made them equals in his eyes.

However, I don't think Lestat ever truly saw himself as a 'father.' He had no example of good parenting in his human life and this had no idea how to treat a child. From the beginning, he was referred to as Uncle Les while Louis took on the paternal role. Then, when Claudia became an adult, Lestat was forced to regard her as a sister.

The idea that someone could look to him as a father wasn't even conceivable to Lestat. In Claudia's final moments, when she looks to him like a child looks to a parent for help, it is horrifying on so many levels. It shocks him to his core when he realizes that he is her father and that he's letting her die right before his eyes. And even worse, Claudia was right—it was never about her.

[chalkrub]

saw some mangy dog on the outskirts of town

[tubbytarchia]

got an urge to design ponies oops