#life again and gets obsessed. my gawd

[rabbitgardens]

so i went fucking insane on discord just now-

[random-introverted-blog]

Across Stars and Time [Ascended!Astarion x F!Reader]

Spawn vs Ascended oh my gawd

Edit: Due to incredibly popular demand on AO3 (again) this story has been converted to a full story called His Star - His Queen. It's being cross posted between here and AO3

Read His Star - His Queen on AO3

Read His Star - His Queen on Tumblr

Intended Audience: Mature [Merely a suggestion, like speed limits, right?]

Who be smoochin?: Astarion x F!Reader

The Bit: At long last, Astarion will be free of his master and you will be his most enthusiastic cheerleader as he ends Cazador, once and for all. So you think until you find an Imposter Astarion that waits in the center of the room for you. Cazador tortured and dying at his feet. And your Astarion, to his horror, faces the true cost of his ascension. You.

Warnings/Advisories: ANGST, no happy ending (though it ends on a brighter/hopeful note), major character death (not either Astarion, that would be too easy on both of them), references of past SA, references of suicide, a reference of sucidal ideation, violence, injuries, yandere doing yandere things, obsessive and possessive behavior, your boyfriend is getting the shit kicked out of him, your "husband" who is the same man from another universe is kicking the shit out of himself, "HERE COMES ASCENDANT ASTARION WITH THE STEEL CHAIR FROM THE TOP ROPE", is it time magic or jumping across realities, "SPAWN ASTARION WITH THE SUPLEX"

Words, all the word (count): a whopping 5,390

Writing art and breaking hearts in 3...2...1

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"Save it for when I'm standing over Cazador's bloody corpse." Astarion had said when he stopped you from kissing him today.

And that was fine, sure, you really wanted to, but you could understand he was not in the head-space to be affectionate with you. It didn't change how he felt, or how you felt, so what did it matter? You could wait your whole life for his kisses and embraces and still die happy, so long as it was a life shared with him. There was nothing you wanted more than Astarion, baggage and all. No matter how unsure and self conscious he was about what he believed he lacked or couldn't give you. You crossed your fingers that it would be enough he would decide against completing the ritual. It would change him, that you knew without a doubt. And you were nervous it wouldn't be a change for the better.

You loved him for him, as much as you were afraid to use those exact words, and you had seen plenty of times what immense power does to people... your heart clenched thinking of that happening to him.

Nights nuzzled into his chest, legs tangled together, fingers in your hair. The safest and warmest you've ever felt was being in his cold arms. These were some of your best memories in the few you still held from your past life. And you made sure he knew he didn't even need to do any of that, the cuddles and kisses, to have your love. It was unconditional. It always would be.

You couldn't wait to stand with him as he finally ended this chapter of his life and turned the page, and his eyes toward a brighter future. Hopefully, if he wished it... it would include you.

But something was wrong. There wasn't a single servant to be seen in the whole place. You found the signet ring left on the floor in front of the sealed door and Astarion chalked it all up to Cazador paving the way for his "homecoming party". It didn't sit right with you, and you had tried to express as much to him but it just made him snap at you. After all, he spent two hundred years as a slave to the vampire lord. Who were you to question what he did and didn't know?

After that, you had kept your mouth shut. It hurt, but you had already forgiven his bad mood. You understood he was going through a lot, anxiety eating him from the inside out. So you kept your thoughts to yourself and did your best to keep your perceptive eyes peeled for any clues. Your gut instinct was right. When you found the elevator to the crypt, you had silently hoped it would ease your own troubled thoughts, your paranoia, but truth be told; it made it worse.

You looked among your companions to gauge if they perhaps felt the same. As rare as it was to see them all together on a mission, Astarion had earned their friendship just as much as you had, and not a one turned down the chance to deliver a long overdue beat down on Cazador Szarr.

But the only thing you registered on their faces was a determination for violence. Glad as you were, you were just as eager, of course, but that did little to soothe your nerves. It wasn't uncertainty, like Astarion's, much as he tried to mask it. No, something felt... changed. Unbalanced. Your tadpole, maybe? No, it was quiet as a babe. Your urges? No, your bhaalspawn blood, despite feeling a mite antsy, was relatively subdued.

As you crossed the crypt on the way toward the two large, ancient doors, a voice called out to Astarion. He stopped, glanced at you and turned slowly toward the cell. Expression impassive but footsteps cautious, until his eyes widened. "Sebastian??" He gasped, taking one step back.

"What are you doing out here?" The spawn asked, clinging to the bars. "You're supposed to be in there!" The man jabbed a finger toward the door.

Drawing your brows together, you glanced at the doors behind you, and you started to drift toward it. Screams caught your ears from within. Muffled, but sharper as you moved closer. A hand on your shoulder, and you found Gale, Halsin and Shadowheart at your back while Astarion was distracted with the spawn. Tempted as you were to stay, he seemed to be really distraught. Something was undeniably wrong now. Why were they so convinced he had already come through here?

Those screams were unlike anything you had ever heard, sounds of terror and agony that sent shivers down your spine. You had heard and seen a lot in your travels, you all had. But nothing quite like the sounds coming from beyond these doors.

Halsin took the lead and pushed the doors open, you close behind, Shadowheart and Gale took the rear behind you.

You were startled when the doors slammed shut behind Shadowheart, and the four of you looked among yourselves, searching for an answer for the other. When all you received were questioning stares, your eyes wandered to the center of the chamber and you descended the long stone staircase. Lining the platform, hovering above red sigils, were Astarion's siblings. Veils of darkness covered their faces, whatever it was doing, the source of their twisted symphony for relief.

Dead center of the platform, a figure in top-grade studded leather armor hunched over someone on their hands and knees. Hands visibly trembling against the floor, drenched in sweat.

As if sensing your presence, the figure tossed something from their right hand, a blade skidding across the floor, their now free hand raised in the air and snapped their long fingers. Instant silence fell over the ritual chamber. "Ah, there you are..." a voice greeted in a low, familiar purr. "I've been waiting..." they continued, slowly straightening to full height, presenting you the equally... hauntingly familiar white curly haired back of their head. "Waiting since the moment I set eyes on you." Looking over their shoulder before at last, turning to face you. "Waiting... to have you."

"What kind of sick magic is this? An identity spell?" Gale questioned, as confused and audibly disturbed as the rest of you. Bewildered at this seemingly perfect copy of Astarion. No... something was off. You just couldn't put your finger on it. It wasn't anything on a physical level, as far as you could tell. He wasn't wearing the same armor, though. Like you noted earlier, this was top grade studded leather armor, dyed a midnight black and dark red. Yours was wearing the set of Spidersilk armor you had pried from the dead drow woman back at the Emerald Grove.

"Cazador, if you think hiding behind his face is going to stop me from peeling yours from your bones, allow me to let you down now." You glared, readying your weapon and assuming your stance. The others followed your lead, as always.

But the Mimic chuckled, a soft, airy sound too like Astarion for it to be a mimic. "He won't be able to answer you, my dear" they chuckled, tone filled with amusement. "He's long swallowed his own tongue." You watched the deep crimson cloak sway behind them as they circled around the trembling man, turning him over their black boot. The man fell onto his back, and you assumed the dark-haired elven man, face swollen, bloody and almost too distorted to be recognized as a face, was all that remained of Cazador.

He gasped and wheezed, and the mimic used their foot to force Cazador's head up to face you, providing you a better look. Sure as they said, there was no tongue... or fangs, either. Only two gaps in the top row of teeth where they should be.

Unceremoniously, they dropped his head to the floor, and you realize the mimic hasn't actually taken their eyes off you since they circled around Cazador. "I am a man of considerable patience, but even I grew bored idling about, waiting for him to bring you to me, my treasure."

"A shapeshifter." You blurted out as the thought crossed your mind. "Really, an imposter of my lover? I'm almost flattered, dear sister" a mocking grin splitting your lips, hand tight around your weapon, magic crackling at your fingertips, waiting to be unleashed should they make a move against you.

The imposter raised their eyebrows before meeting your grin with their own. "No, darling. I'm more Me than that... creature you've been putting up with."

"What in the nine hells are you then?" you bite impatiently, tired of this back and forth. Something was wrong. Horribly wrong. That you couldn't figure it out was wearing on you.

Behind you, the doors burst open, but neither of you looked away from your standoff to see. Footsteps rushing down the stairs, "y/n!" Astarion called after you, coming to an audible skidding stop at the scene before him.

"I'm the man you love, pet." The Imposter responded, as if the rest of your team didn't just rush in, as if the real Astarion wasn't joining your side, daggers drawn. "I'm the man who in another life you denied, using a disintegrate scroll on yourself to reject everything I gave you. The man who has crossed the stars and time itself to return you to his side." They took a step toward you but you held your ground, ignoring every impulse to turn heel and bolt the other way as they partly lifted their hands from their side. "I am High Lord Astarion Ancunín. Vampire Ascendant." Smirking from ear to ear in a way that was undeniably Astarion. From the glance you spare at your Astarion, he seemed just as stunned, confused... worried.

Still, you searched him for it: deception, doubt, a half truth, anything and your heart sunk further, the more you found to only prove his point. To your horror, this was Astarion. Somehow, as he said, crossed the barriers of your realities to be here.

Ascendant... This is what Astarion would become if he completed the ritual.

You searched his eyes, for what you couldn't say for sure, something to reject this, reject him. Something that would wake you from this nightmare. His eyes were cold, dark with malice, lacking any of the warmth you felt when you stared into your Astarion's, they were commanding, all-consuming.

Your body stiffened, rigid. You couldn't look away.

"There..." The Ascendant sighs, almost dreamily, "come here to me, my treasure..." Extending his arms wide, inviting you into them, and you feel every muscle in your body acting on its own.

Panic nearly takes your senses. "No, I can't..." you force the words out before your throat tightens and your tongue stills.

But that's all he needs to hear to understand. Astarion's arm wraps around your waist as your feet move, pulling you into his arms instead. With a mind of its own, your body thrashes and squirms against him as if desperately trying to heed the Ascendants' command, but he doesn't let go. "Easy, darling, I've got you..." He murmurs in your ear, not unlike the nights he's comforted you, tied up and writhing on your bedroll. "I won't let him... I won't..." you detect the softest of tremors in his voice while you struggle to regain control of your limbs.

Behind you, you listen to your friends scrambling to form a protective line between both of you and the Ascendant. "I don't know what damnable creature you are," Wyll says from somewhere in the line, "but I know my friend Astarion, and that's enough reason for me to drive my blade through your putrid heart."

"What you are is an abomination." Halsin speaks right after him, "part of understanding and appreciating the artistry of life is understanding the role death plays in nature's beauty. But frankly... I cannot imagine any reason for your existence." He concludes with a harsh glare at the Ascendant.

Who merely lifts an eyebrow. "How imbecilic." He says impassively, glancing among your six friends. Suddenly his eyes glow and mist red, and with a wave of his hand the very shadows at their backs surge to life.

Halsin's shadow is upon him with a viciousness you've only seen in rabid animals, shredding him to ribbons before he even turns to face the monster.

Lae'zel holds her own well enough before hers takes her to the ground. Though it seems grim, she appears to be regaining the upper hand quickly.

Gale whips around and reaches to grab Wyll and cast Dimension Door, but his own shadow counterspells him and blasts him with a ray of frost so hard it sends him hurtling through the air.

The Ascendant watches the wizard sail past him with a barely suppressed humor to his features. "Oh, dear..." He mutters just loud enough to be heard, "not going quite the way you expected, is it?" He mutters, raising his hand to examine his nails. Only appearing mildly interested in the chaos unfolding in front of him.

Wyll dispatches his shadow, only to watch Karlach overwhelmed by hers, and he shouts in horror. Barely reaching her in time to block the downswing aimed for her chest.

"And how about you druid—Oh, dear..." he gasps, a feigned expression of shock flitting across his face, moving that same hand to his mouth, a wicked smile barely concealed behind his splayed fingers. You shiver at the sadistic delight dancing shamelessly in his eyes while he gawks at the sight of Halsin, savaged and lifeless, face down in a pool of his own blood. "You always had that coming, you dimwitted oaf. The first time too..." He huffs, straightening his posture and holding his head up as he leers down at the body with blatant disdain. "And you know what they say about your own worst enemy...." As he glances among your friends, one by one struggling and fending for themselves.

Astarion tugs at your arm when your body stills against his. "We need to go, now!" he hurries, dragging you behind him.

He reaches the bottom of the stairs before you pull your arm free. "We're just going to leave them?!" you ask incredulously, raising your voice, gesturing and looking behind you.

Shadowheart thoroughly thrashes her dark copy with impressive efficiency, diverting her energy now to the Ascendant. The familiar chant falls from her lips as she begins to cast Turn Undead. Vanishing in a blur of crimson mist, he reappears in front of her, and she successfully gets the spell off a mere second later.

But he stood there, unfazed. Flashing a wicked grin, he confidently takes hold of Shadowhearts' hands, lifting them up and then abruptly wrenching them in opposing directions, sending an uneasy wave through your body. She cries out in agony, and the Ascendant allows her to collapse to her knees before he callously brushes her aside with his boot, treating her as though she were nothing more than a worn-out toy.

Astarion takes your arm again, returning your attention to him and desperate urgency flashes over his features. "You don't understand. I know what he wants, and I won't let him—"

Just as he turns around for the stairs, a flash of red mist. "Tut-tut." The Ascendant scolds, clearly unimpressed, scowling at Astarion as the very shadows of the room gather around his hands.

Reacting faster than your vampire, you swiftly shove yourself between the two Astarions, acting on instinct.

Pain ripples through you unlike anything you've felt before, like a hammer of fire and ice that makes your blood boil and freeze all at once. The blast launches you back into Astarion hard enough to send you hurtling through the air, past Gale casting another spell.

Your body slams into the unforgiving coldness of the stone platform, causing a sharp intake of breath and a loud grunt of pain involuntarily slips past your lips. The force of the impact propels you into a chaotic, disorienting tumble, your cheek scraping the rough texture of the floor as you skid to a halt.

Despite the pain on your face, you dug deep and pushed on your arms, your body trembling slightly as you managed to roll onto your back. Vision hazy and unfocused. What in the sweet hells kind of magic was that?

Where's...?

Straining your eyes, you see Gale rushing toward you before ominous black chains materialized from the floor and curled around his arms and legs, forcefully dragging him to his knees. Instinctively reaching for the wizard but your thoughts and concerns quickly shift elsewhere at the sound of your name. Tilting your head backwards, your heart almost settles at the sight of your pale elf scrambling to his feet toward you, "Astarion!" you call back, mustering your strength again in an attempt to get back on your feet.

And as quickly as you felt some sense of relief at the sight of him, your heart sinks violently at the tendril, the whip of dark magic that coils tightly around his body and flings him backward, away from you. With his rogueish reflexes, he quickly gathers his feet under him and lunges for his attacker. Fiercely, you struggle to your knees, desperate to help him.

The Ascendant effortlessly extends his arm, gathering at his legs, "even vermin must kneel before a god," he sneers, snapping his arm back to his side, sending a grunting, growling Astarion down with it, knees slamming to the ground. A fury to his stride "you were always worthless, sniveling..." raising his boot and pressing it harshly onto your vampire's shoulder, "groveling." Pushing him harshly down onto his hands.

Lightning flies from behind you, a quick glance reveals Gale had managed to get the spell off, and the Ascendant winces at the unexpected attack, stumbling off of Astarion. Who doesn't waste the opportunity and tackles his full weight into him. It doesn't do more than throw the Ascendant somewhat off balance as the two wrestle for the upper hand. "Bluster all you want, but I see what you really are! A lost, empty, miserable creature! Trying to fill a hole in your heart that all the power in the world will never sate!" Astarion snarls with his fangs on full display.

With a shove, the Ascendant puts distance between him and Astarion. His eyes glow red again and he grabs Astarion by the throat, lifting him into the air like a rag-doll. A familiar hand touches your shoulder and you're about to turn and thank Gale when the Ascendant's head snaps in your direction. The chains, which never fully released Gale, tighten around his arms and legs but begin to pull slowly in opposite directions. Then he opens his hand, his palm flat and level with the ground. Darkness swirling from the room and around his fingers like moths to a flame, and he steadily curls them back into his hand as it simmers a soft, red glow.

Blobs of shadow ooze from the floor and take the shape of monsters, soldiers, ghouls... One dozen, then two. Far more than you know your friends and you can fend off on your own. "Wait!" You shout before you can fully think of why you're doing so, rising to your feet at last, despite the way your legs ache and demand you don't.

Eerily, it all comes to a stop. All of it. And though the Ascendant pauses a long while, even he flings Astarion carelessly behind him before he slowly turns to you. "Apologies, my treasure... I got carried away." He says calmly, watching you cautiously circle around him.

You hesitantly look around the room. From Cazador's body, to Halsin's mangled and brutalized and the six spawn still muzzled with dark magic... "why are you doing all this?" is all you can ask in a barely audible whisper.

"You." He answers, so simple yet with such reverence. "For you, for us, I have dominated this city, compelled it to kneel before you, reduced it to little more than your personal footstool for your amusement." His eyes were distant with fond memories, and evidently clueless to the horror in your eyes. "I made you my queen, and I sat you beside me on a throne befitting of one, one that embodied your grace and beauty." You watched his eyes gaze upward, still deep in his recollections.

"The sight of you seated beside me never failed to make my heart swell with pride and fill me with contentment, like a melody playing in my soul." The words tumbling out, as if he'd been holding them in for centuries, bringing a hand to rest flat against the chest of his armor, over his heart.

"Hundreds of servants who kissed the ground you blessed with your every step as you tread the halls of our palace... and still, you rejected me." The Ascendant growls, taking a step toward you that has you quickly reeling backward, away from him. "After everything I taught you, all the delights of obedience, slow as you were to learn them... Countless nights spent coaxing your body to submission to me with nothing but pleasure. And you. Still—"

"No wonder I fucking killed myself." You spat, cutting him off before he could make you vomit... gods, how your stomach churned... "By the hells," you muttered, a look of disgust on your face. "What made you think I'd ever want that? The Astarion I know, my Astarion, would never... He knows me. Sees me." Gesturing behind you, and on cue, you felt his hand brush yours. "Did you?" The words sounding like a soft plea on behalf of your Other Self. A life, by what he described, you loathed.

The Ascendant regards you, his face impassive and impossible to read and all you could hope - pray for, was that your words were getting through. Even if he may not be your Astarion, it still pained you to see him like this. Amazed you he didn't look any different in the physical sense...

But then you watched his piercing scarlet eyes swirl back, full of malice, the twisted obsession of a love now corrupted, a chilling fury smoldering in his gaze as it consumed you. Commanding.

He grinned as your limbs once again went rigid. "Yes. I do." Casually raising his hand, this time you can only helplessly watch as another burst of foul magic slams into Astarion behind you, "now be a good girl, stop struggling and come to me."

In an instant, you berated yourself for your own stupidity to fall for this again, as your body stiffly, though slowly, moved forward. Behind you, chaos erupted as the creatures summoned by the Ascendant swarmed upon your friends. To your relief, you hear them fighting, possibly even holding them off, but that just meant you were on your own against... this.

Straining with all your will, you tore your gaze away from his eyes and fixated on the center of his chest. Though it had no effect on the command already imposed on your unwilling body, it felt less forceful. You grimaced, wriggling your fingers as you fought to regain any semblance of control from him. You never told Astarion you love him, you have to tell him, and you need to beat this if you ever want to...

With a fierce growl, your arms at last heed your demands, allowing you to swiftly reach for the dagger holstered at your side. However, you misjudged the distance between you two and realize too late you're within his grasp, and he quickly seizes your wrists, forcefully pulling you towards him. "Gods, I've missed you, my love..." The Ascendant's warm breath caressed your ear, his grip strong and possessive. Tight and suffocating.

Warm... He's...

With precision, he extends his hand towards your face, gently leading it to meet his own. The moment your lips touch, a searing heat spreads through your body, intensified by the graze of his fangs against your lip. As if anticipating your resistance, his other hand swiftly clasps the back of your head, holding you in place. Preventing any thought you may have had about breaking away before he's done.

It freezes you at first. The similarity, yet stark difference, of his lips hits you like a sudden gust of wind. It's a complete contrast to the cold you've grown accustomed to and sincerely enjoy from your Astarion.

How similar, but utterly different, his lips are. They radiate warmth, as do his hands and breath. It's a complete contrast to the cold you've grown accustomed to and sincerely enjoy from your Astarion. The smell of the Ascendant, rosemary and bergamot, differs from yours, though, with his comes a tinge of a frosty winter evening. Against every sense in your mind, screaming at you to stop him, fight this, your heart races with a sickening blend of fear and want.

Still, you fought, barely resisting the intense urge to kiss him back. This wasn't your Astarion. Yours was... calling out to you, and you could barely hear him. Could barely hear anything other than the Ascendants' breaths and mouth moving on yours, as if tempting you to sync with the kiss before he silently gives up and barely separates from you. "Come with me, my dark consort." He practically purrs, his lips brushing yours. "Faerûn waits eagerly for the return of its queen..."

The realization dawns on you, and your gut clenches in anticipation of what is about to unfold. You make one final, desperate attempt to wrench yourself free. Sights and sounds beyond the Ascendant return to you. Prying your arms free, you push against his chest.

Gods above, you don't want to live the nightmare he just described for yourself.

He sighs at your struggling and tsk's, "it seems I truly will have to teach you, and your body, all over again... And here I was hoping I could have the chain removed from the bottom of your throne..." murmuring softly, words dripping with disappointment, like the steady fall of rain.

Did your other self have a spare scroll handy...?

You writhe in his arms, twisting away in your attempt to untangle yourself from his grasp and slip down to the floor, knowing that attacking him with your hands will be useless and unable to grab your dagger in this position. You focus all your energy on trying to escape.

Across the floor, your eyes meet Astarion's. Your Astarion. Fighting viciously through wave after wave of monsters, unable to make any ground toward you. A shared desperation in your eyes, even as a sinister red glow slowly surrounds you. You never told him... you need to tell him...

Damn this. Damn him. "I love you, Astarion." You choke back the sob threatening to spill out, praying to whatever god is listening that he at least hears you say it.

For better or worse, his eyes gloss, "I'll find you, my love, I swear..."

Red swirls blind you.

And you're gone.

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The moment you disappear, so does the small horde of creatures. Astarion shakily crosses the floor until he reaches the spot where they stood. Where He took you.

He collapses.

And he screams.

Screams until his throat is raw. Screams ugly, heart wrenching sobs that stung the ears like knives, with the power to move even the most callous heart with pity.

Today was supposed to be the start of his new life. One he dreamed of for two centuries, that he would share with you. Cazador lay dead beside him, so it was still possible, but what use was this freedom when he felt emptier than he's ever felt in his entire existence, living and undead? While within reach, it offered no solace. He would be alone. Again.

Astarion swore he would find you, but how would he? Would he have to ascend? Seize that power and ascend as well? Could Shadowheart bring back Cazador, just to use and spend him, so that Astarion could save you?

The way he... the Ascendant looked at you... It was vile. Utterly devoted to you, yet possessed by obsession. A gnarled, grotesque, and barely recognizable idea of his own love for you. The things he would do to force you to... love him. While wearing his face.

The terror that if he ascended here and now, that he could become that bastard...

Not even the tadpole, the Absolute mattered to him anymore. Not when he faced life without you, the only person to see him, to love him... For him.

He truly meant it. Not everyone had a heart like you. No one was like you. He would never find another love like what he feels for you.

Why didn't he just kiss you this morning when he had the chance...?

An odd, dense mist formed in front of him, and Astarion reluctantly watched it. Hells, the last thing he needs is... whatever this is.

"This simply cannot be permitted." Said a soft-spoken voice as an elven woman emerged from within. Her eyes scanning over the scene. She wore a light grey robe and a symbol around her neck shaped like a golden, dawning sun with five half crescents like spokes of a wheel. Her hair was long and bright, eyes a pale blue.

She knelt in front of Astarion, her fingers brushing what he is only now seeing. Dark, simmering runes that form a circle around where He stood, where He took you. "Are you keen to uphold your promise?" She asked without looking up at him.

Astarion blinked, but he refused to hesitate. "If you have a way to help me save her, talk quickly." He replies impatiently.

The woman slowly rose to her feet and Astarion, though his knees trembled slightly, rose to join her. "Save may be too strong a word. Her suffering is inevitable now, and it will be plentiful in supply." A small frown flickered across her features. If she noticed the anguish that those words caused him, she paid no mind. "But we may yet return her here, where she belongs. Where she's needed." She says calmly. "But it cannot be so without you."

"What part of 'talk quickly' do you not understand? Are they not words you comprehend? Tell me what you need and I'll do it."

"Patience, little vampling." The woman soothes, unperturbed by his temper. "This timeline must sleep before her disappearance can affect it. In turn, your parasite will sleep, just as hers has already." She explains patiently, as another figure, a small Elven man with a journal and quill in hand, emerges from the mist and joins her side. He kneels down and begins studying the runes, drawing them on the parchment. "It will not be simple or easy. The Ascendants' power has risen to heights we haven't seen in other timelines. But he cannot continue his rise unchallenged." She continues with a small shake of her head.

Astarion moved to take a step toward her, only for the man to catch his foot gently, holding it back from covering one of the runes. "Tell me what you need from me, and I will give it." He says back firmly, a growl edging his tone.

The woman nodded. "Come with me. We have much to discuss." She gestures slowly with one hand behind her, toward the mist.

He's about to start toward it with little hesitation, before he stops and looks back. Karlach kneeling beside Halsin's mangled remains, Wyll's hand on her shoulder. Gale and Lae'zel were on either side of Shadowheart, who was nursing her broken hands.

She gives a nod, committed to this just as much as he was. "Get her back. And thrash the bastard for me." The cleric encourages with a weary but determined smile.

With a nod and a silent promise, he turns back to the woman and now the man, their presence looming at the edge of the mist, and he strides resolutely forward to enter it alongside them.

"I love you, Astarion." His heart shattering all over again remembering the tremble in your voice.

Astarion swore he would find you.

And this time he would say it back.

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A/N: Sorry, I just didn't have the heart to end it on a note of "oh no Spawn Astarion is just fucked now I guess".

This had been an idea on and off, but was inspired to go for it when I saw it prompted during my regular tumblr scroll. I have written, and rewritten and written it again, over and over, and this is the culmination of endless suffering. So... Thanks for reading this far! Hope you liked it!

EDIT: this is intended as a one-shot. There is no planned continuation. The ending is written to provide an alternate, a sense of hope, if you, the reader is unhappy with the "bad end". You can decide for yourself if Astarion is successful at finding you, if he survives a second confrontation, the consequences of it all, etc.

Of course, I have plenty of ideas for how I'd continue it but I have no serious interest to at the moment. I might write it privately for myself if I do, but it depends how much people care about this.

[msfbgraves]

i don't care about the darkness or the age difference of silverusso. i actually absolutely love the badgood nature of it and the, like you said, gothic sensuality of the pairing. definitely an all time favourite fan pairing of mine!

Me three!! I was a bit shocked when I discovered it after S4 how deeply non-shippers resented it at the time and how actively they judged the shippers for loving it. Honestly, if it's a NOTP, I completely understand - some things give you dopamine overload, others don't and we're all built different. But never before was I hesitant to post fic under my pen name and instead went Anon because I felt I might get hate. Things have calmed down now, luckily, but I still don't even post my silverusso posts with the tags terry silver or daniel larusso, as not to set people off who might not want it across their dash in any form. And that's quite unique for this fandom, in my experience.

I'm just so glad I know that actors had no problem going there,that TIG has been so supportive of fandom for Terry and that Ralph doesn't mind a dark story either. Not that the actors should feel obliged to interact with our output, but if they don't mind going there, if the canon doesn't mind suggesting a bond between them, well, why shouldn't I do the same? Daniel got lured in by a bad boy and that bad boy has never stopped being obsessed with him - that's been a trope in romantic fiction for millennia. And the fact that they had Daniel marry Amanda, who basically is Terry in female form, so he got over Terry as little as Terry got over him? Gawd! I love that it also doesn't stop there - he loves flirting with Johnny, Chozen and Mike too, and shares a deep bond with them. I also like that Terry sets him off soooo much. It took one apology and in Johnny's case, no apology and he is happy as a clam with all of them, but the first thing Terry does is apologise, Daniel gets Kill Bill sirens only to sleep in the same bed as his Terry lookalike wife; with Terry throwing his entire life away to renew is obsession with Daniel - TWICE - my goodness, you two, I don't know if getting a room would make it better but you have something to sort out! What the hell happened in your past lives??? How did Terry never find love again? Before Daniel, he had this deep bond with Kreese and a harem of cronies to play with and after Daniel he tries to conform, be worthy of him (?) and ditches Kreese??? Twice???? There's so much going on and none of it is normal, and though I completely see the appeal of Lawrusso and ship it gladly, Daniel didn't marry a Johnny lookalike. Also I like that when Daniel gets coquettish other men are always flustered, Terry is like, 😎😋 which is the only time that anyone has played an Uno-reverse card against a LaRusso charm attack. And that's interesting! And sexy! And Daniel keeps seeking Terry out to challenge him! And I just feel that even if they never spoke again, Daniel would let Terry fly him to some private island for a week of deeply aggressive hatesex, some cuddling, and a million protestations of "this never happened, don't call me again, when are you free?" With Terry saying: "You'll know, darlin'. Be good for me."

[agustdiv1ne]

here are my thoughts about each song that absolutely nobody asked for but i don't care 🤣

ok GROWING PAINS??? THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN I'M FALLING TO MY KNEES I'M WAILING BC THIS SONG IS EVERYTHING TO ME. i loveee rock music and this is also reminds me a little of what i used to listen to when i was in the deepest trenches of my middle school emo phase (and continue to listen to bc my emo phase never truly left me),, THE GROWL. BEOMGYU FUCKING GROWLED. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. *INSERT WEREWOLF MEME* i am just. obsessed. absolutely Obsessed. ALSO YEONJUN'S HIGH NOTE????? ACTUALLY FUCK OFF I'M ON THE FLOOR

chasing that feeling is very 80s new wave and it is Everything to me. i could go over everything in the mv but i'm j gonna focus on the song for now. i love the route they took for the tt, it's very like. dreamy? to me?? and laid back and yet it sounds like it would be part of some action movie????? like hero training scene montage and BOOM CHASING THAT FEEEEELINGGG in the background idk...the synths are making me ascend i swear to whatever is above whoever added those synths in the instrumental deserves the best fucking head of their lives. beomgyu opening fairy, bro always makes sure to EAT THAT OPENING BROOO I LOVE HIM. AND THEN TYUN HIGH NOTE WOOOOOOOOO that Healed me...and hyuka's "come and kiss me" YEAH. YEAHHHH. can u tell i'm obsessed w this tt yet???? i need it tattooed onto my ear drums right now

DREAMER MF DREAMERRRR BROOOOOOOOOO i've been waiting for an rnb song like this from them since 20cm i fucking swear. and this just. BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER,, their falsettos are so mf pretty esp soobin's like his voice was just made for this song bro. i swear. and then we got beomgyu's falsetto too?????? wow. wowowowow. i need more rn. AND THEN YEONJUN BROO CAME IN W THE "LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU" AND I'M DYING. LIKE ACTUALLY DYING PLS DO NOT RESUSCITATE

ahahaha deep down is like. so chill and i loveee the beat omfg. like this is a song that i am going to play when i go on late night car rides, bass boosted n everything bc the beat. the BEAT. i need it injected into my veins immediately,, def not like. my fav off this album but i still enjoyed it ^^

ok happily ever after has me in a chokehold rn. i'm being so serious. it's so fun and catchy it's like a little earworm that i can't get out of my head!!!! it makes me wanna dance and sing and AHHHHH. the beginning "oh ma gawd" that was so cute...def my pick me up song bc it's so cute n fun n i definitely didn't expect to like it as much as i do <3 the power of txt <3333 LIFE IS NOT A FAIRYTALE!!!! also soobin's falsetto got me again i'm ascending yet again my friends...i feel like this song is encapsulated by the ✨️ emoji pls don't ask me to elaborate.

SKIPPING STONES. MY ABSOLUTE FAV OFF THIS ALBUM. THERE IS NO COMPETITION I FEAR.....it's very reminiscent of music i'd listen to while growing up esp the songs my dad would share with me...idk why but that connection just makes this song so much more special to me. also sounds kinda like a day6 song and as someone who loves day6 i needed this!! i love the rock influences so fucking much guys i am so obsessed with this song,,,, i need more songs like this immediately. asap. ALSO hyuka's high note. guys. guys. what the fuck. he is such a talented man i cannot rn

as if i could forget about blue spring — when i told u i started crying??? yeah, i started crying right when it started playing. i love them so fucking much u don't understand 😭😭😭 idk why they autotuned my men like that towards the end tho,, but yeah. this will be my official crying song for the foreseeable future 😁

and then. chasing that feeling english version??? hello????? i typically don't enjoy english versions too much but this one is so good omg. i def like the og more but i did enjoy it and it was a nice lil surprise!!!!

i could keep writing more but i will leave it at that. i'm sorry if u read this far u deserve financial compensation for being so strong

[saltyxtides]

MONTGOMERY WARDEYN.

Sibling what?  Code of conduct?

She sneered her nose at the wording. Bayden suddenly sounded like he was raised in Catholic school or maybe he’d been watching too much Brit tv. What the fuck? 

She let that weirdness go when he asked to call him more. 

“Okay? I know damn well you have a phone. I thought you didn’t like we couldn’t be completely honest there in case people were listening. But, okay. Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. You’re trying to check up on my dates again. You worry too much. I can take care of myself, but if it makes you feel better, I will.” 

Celeste hit on one unknowingly with that one and scored big for Bayden. He might not know it yet, but if Monty followed through, he would be thankful later. Shocked and thankful. 

When Bayden pointed to the cams she shook her head. “Stop foiling my dreams, Bay.” She crossed her arms and pouted when she realized she was wrong. 

Then there came something to bring her back up. 

“A surprise? For me? What are you talking about now?” 

She looked around at the chinzy tackiness of it all. 

“You are right about that. I do deserve better.” 

Once they were talking about Janet and he was trying to steer her away from it Monty continued to be wow-ed and weirded out by the manner in which Bayden spoke. It was just so flowery. It seemed off, but funny. 

“Why do you sound like a mashup of Star Wars, My Little Pony, and Friends with a dash of wannabe Deadpool only you’re not pulling any of them off?” She was laughing softly poking fun at how he spoke which was probably a good thing because it distracted her from the actual conversation’s topic more than what the fake Bayden was trying to do. Celeste’s flowery way of speaking was definitely catching her ear and seemed to over do it when trying to act like a don’t-care-boy, sort of like Amanda Bynes in She’s the Man. She just didn’t quite pull it off and if an audience was watching it would be pretty damn fun. It also wasn’t enough to make Monty jump to any crazy conclusions like it wasn’t her brother in that skin, but it certainly raised a brow. 

“Oswald?” Monty shrieked shrill at Bayden’s analogy of himself in a suit because Monty knew something else Celeste didn’t know. 

“And that’s a bad thing? I mean it is for me, maybe not for you, but  I told you never to bring your obsession with him up again. Your celebrity crush on him got way too descriptive and TMI for even me of all things you wanted to do to that man, brother dear. You are out of hand, Bayden. You did that on purpose just to put all those images back in my head, didn’t you? Sneaky, sneaky. I’ll get you back for that.” 

Sibling stories were spilling. Bayden’s secrets were too. Celebrity crush. Robin Lord Taylor. Now she knows. Rogue wasn’t the only comic book character brought to life on screen Bayden had an affinity for. 

It seemed after that Bayden tried to save face after Monty’s mocking and speak about who he danced with in real life. Screw fake crushes. Something real happened to him? Monty lifted yet another brow. 

“Shhh. Oh my gawd Bayden. We’re a little close to the house to be saying that place’s name out loud. Mom’ll gut you. You know she’s terrified of you loving him more than her. You and your daddy issues. AND don’t say that’s crazy because we both already know she’s crazy. But okaaaaaaaaay. Okay. I believe you. You danced with a girl. Your secrets are safe with me. Always are. You know that.” 

She still sneered her nose up because there was no telling what Bayden got up to in the Hotel Cortez. It was the family’s weak spot when it came to Bayden. It was where they fucked up and let out his leash too far. 

“But you are talking weird. You are just extra today, Bay. Did they change your meds again? You always get weird when they change your meds.” 

Everything got light again with the tale of their childhood. It felt good to Monty to relive it. She parked in the garage and the door would close behind them. Once it down they were safe. 

“Safe. It’s down. You can sit up. We’re home. We can act normal now. No more show for the hospital.” 

She’d get out and head into the house through a side kitchen door. The house was as it always was. 

“Mom. We’re home!” Monty called out and set the keys in dish on the counter. 

The doctor’s voice would come from the bathroom way down a long wing in the hall. 

“Thank you for bringing my boy on this day of love. My children are home at last.” Then a big splash was heard as she laughed kicking her feet around in her bubbles. 

Monty’s eyes shifted over to Bayden, “Told ya and looky there, still alive. Not drowned yet. Worry wart.”  “Now, what’s the surprise? And our dance before figures out how to get out of the tub or let me guess. You have to go help her first?”  ( @montywonmom )

Today was shaping up to be more of a Valentine's DAYMARE than a s i b l i n g celebration.

Everything had turned out to be ROCKY at best && the weight of unresolved emotions hung heavily in themselves.

“ I KNOW, I k n o w. It’s just that I care, okay? You’re not just my little sister. You're my ONLY l i t t l e sister Monty. I can’t help but think about all the potential creeps out there. GOOD at l e a s t text once in a while if you can't call me. ”

Not that they believed in Montgomery to keep her word. Relying on her was more often a gamble or a risk more times than not ending in disappointment. There was no doubt Bayden countlessly had reached out only for his efforts to dissolve into the quicksand of her busy lifestyle/ignoring her big brother. Yet the urge to connect — to try was far stronger than the fear of not trying to help Bayden in the very end.

It honestly sucks to like someone, let alone care. They already learned what happens when you do. It never works out in the end.

They NEEDED to s t a y focused. They NEEDED to not s c r e w this up. But doubts lurked in the corners of the back of there mind whispering deceptive thoughts that threatened to unravel there focus. Each passing whisper fed off there anxiety only amplifying the sense of urgency that coursed through their veins.

Knowing the bond he had with his sister was significant to Bayden himself && rather than letting the day's LESS-than-g l a m o r o u s moments push && pull as they urgently were rushing Montgomery. They needed to make sure DR. W a r d e y n was ok.

" I'll stop foiling your DREAMS when you stop being i m p a t i e n t, " a faint smirk on Bayden's features as they continued to walk alongside Montgomery.

" SEE? You're being Impatient a g a i n! I guess I'll keep foiling your dreams when you least expect me to. " Knowing full well that Bayden himself would have relished in a little game with his sister like this priding on being the dream disruptor to his sister jokingly. Keeping her hopefully intrigued about her valentine surprise at least as they held a certain smugness && ignored her on purpose.

Not that the oddly oversized absurdity of cheesy Valentine decorations clinging to the white walls desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That ' CHINTZY t a c k i n e s s ' couldn’t be helped — neither could it overshadow how they felt about themselves being Bayden in the moment.

Desperately trying to make something out of nothing. Trying so desperately to be someone else — all over again.

Wow. More than anything they were slightly impressed Montgomery knew the words ' Star Wars ' let alone ' My Little Pony '.

" Did I just hear you say My Little Pony? Star Wars? I bet you secretly watch My Little Pony when no ones around, " Half in disbelief && half in shock && half joking for once.

" Maybe not that DRAMATIC, but a bit more — expressive && a tiny bit nervous than usual . . . " A tiny bit nervous was an understatement as they stared at the ceiling of Montgomery's car questioning when they were going to figure out they were a fake.

Only underneath the lightness in the moment was a level of anxiety that couldn't be comprehended in the kind of way that felt like they've done wrong.

" How dare you! I'm simply expressing my 50-s h a d e s-of love for Robin Lord Taylor!!! "

An ache flaring in there chest as they were learning things about Bayden from someone else && not exactly from himself hit very different. Each little detail shared felt like a knife — twisting with the realization that this felt invasive. That's not the way they wanted to know him. Shoving the thoughts from there mind as that's the least of there problems right now but a sharp ache still remained.

If she wants sneaky. They'll show Montgomery sneaky. Whipping Bayden's phone out so secretly && with a bit of heavy concentration to do what they wanted to do while Montgomery drove they sent her a text && an image from the backseat!

[ 📱 — text to Montgomery from Bayden ] Nothing freaky to see here at all. [ X ]

" You do know HOUSES can't hear r i g h t? Please seek professional help if you start hearing houses Monty. The crazy in our Mom doesn't fall to far from the crazy in us. We just make it lOoK gOoD. Minus your expert level on house whispering now! So rude of you keeping that from me. That's why you need to CALL me m o r e. But yea. Don't tell Mom. I'll also keep your HOUSE w h i s p e r i n g from Mom too. "

Joking into it more than trying to take what she said seriously or to heavy, because they know how Bayden felt about Hotel Cortez && at the same time they can't say they feel the same way as them. They've only been there once.

" Leave my meds out of this!!! I'm doing this MY w a y this year, " as if her big brother has had this moment in his mind for a while. Yet she's been questioning them ever since they arrived at Briarcliff. Being reminded of an pitbull that won't let go of it's toy.

Though in all trueness, they couldn't compare to the real Bayden. However, they did plan this in case of this happening. Only thing they wished they could change was there situation with Bayden prior. In the kind of way to prepare themselves to be the Bayden Montgomery expects to be would have helped more then trying to grasp into improv.

" Ha ha Monty VERY f u n n y. " They retorted not so amused. Now that they were actually in a parked car. Getting up slowly from the back seat of her car as soreness throbbed from there stomach.

Only the moment they open the car door to get out there was a familiar rancid smell overwhelming them.

The KIND of s m e l l that they knew wasn't existent but only in there mind. Casually stepping out of the car into the garage there ' IT ' was again.

On the cemented ground of the garage the visage of a dead girl again laid a few ways away from them, as they recall seeing her near the laundry room last time they visited. Her skin swollen about to split any moment. Once a beautiful young girl but now just a tangled decaying rot of a mess.

As that smell that filled the entire garage was like potted meat left in the sun. It doesn't help that the empty glassy appearance of it's eyes followed them like a Decayed-Mona-Lisa, as the veins around it's eyes appeared black making it much harder to pry there own attention away.

They knew she wasn't real, or actually there, but that didn't mean it didn't startle them.

Or was it? They question to themselves that there might be more to Bayden. With so many EYES on h i m, they couldn't investigate the matter on there own without the questions being raised if there was something wrong with him.

After all, if they ' SWAP b o d i e s ' why couldn't Bayden see thing's that other's can't? His family tree comes from a LINE of w i t c h e s/w i z a r d s.

Where the voices more than just voices && the things they see more than just that. Or where they projecting what they desire Bayden to be?

But why it had moved from the Laundry Room to the Garage? Did it move because ' IT ' followed them in the kind of way they spent some time in the garage back in Christmas? Or had it moved to lead them. In the kind of way that the dead girl was trying to show Bayden something.

It won't be solved standing around making Montgomery suspect something was wrong with them. They already had enough to actually worry about right now. Closing the car door gently as if everything was normal. No smell. No dead girl. Just them walking over to pick up something they hid during Christmas that they needed to use.

Following Montgomery into DR.W a r d e y n ' s home through the side kitchen door. It looked exactly the same when they visited.

But it was such a relief to hear DR.W a r d e y n ' s voice, to feel a burden weight lift from her shoulders.

Never had they ever felt so awkward && out of place standing there in an actual family unit. Dysfunctional. But still a family unit. Better then Rowan's && her own situation anyway.

The way there tongue felt thick && full of cotton suddenly. As if anything they wanted to say back in that moment wouldn't come out. Staring down the hallway where DR. W a r d e y n ' s voice came from.

“ ALRIGHT, a l r i g h t ! I won’t jump to help Mom just yet, ” they said, crossing there arms with playful mock sternness. “ But you’re RIGHT, we should probably dance like nobody’s w a t c h i n g before she sets sail on her bubble sea. ”

On that note they began walking past Montgomery with ease && little hesitation as if they've known this house all there life.

" Stay here for a second Monty I want to do something first — " they sounded more serious as they went to the living room && though they felt terribly stupid, in the kind of way that made them feel utterly embarrassed.

They put 5 sparklers In the shape of an ' M ' for Montgomery in a aluminum can they already put holes in to hold them. Finding them around Christmas when they where restless.

Turning off the living room lights leaving it nicely dark enough. Fiddling with Bayden's phone ready as they lowered the volume so it wasn't hella loud after lighting one sparkler after another until they were all lit, sparkling in that ' M ' for her to clearly see.

" You can come look now, " not so loud but just loud enough for Montgomery to catch.

lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıılıı.lllııılı. Now Playing [My Way] 0:07 ———♡——— 4:36 ◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷

" — Montgomery Wardeyn will you do me the honor of having this dance with me? "

[cataboliiicseed]

HELLO please tell me about your cd collection?? i would love to hear about it genuinely

HAIII BELL!!! i am more than happy to talk about my cds!!!

i included pics of my current collection 🕺!

i’ve been collecting them most of my life. i got given a cd player at a young age which is why i started collecting. as a kid it was mostly so fresh & now hits of summer cds that are still somewhere in the house (also alvin & the chipmunks).

these days i collect them because my car is old and doesn’t have aux or bluetooth so cds and the radio get me through. i’ve included pics of my glovebox, the ones that live in a bag cause i have too many to fit in said glovebox & my current listen. i’ll just list them as they appear and where i got them from!!

gorillaz, the now now- bought first hand. at the time i was listening to it almost daily

gorillaz, demon days- actually belongs to my sister. she doesn’t have a cd player so it judt lives in my car for when we go on drives

twenty one pilots, trench- a gift for my birthday last year. i have most of tøps discography and i was obsessed with it when it released (saw them in concert & everything)

my chemical romance, the black parade- found this one in an op shop. there’s a few i got at the same time, some emo must’ve donated their collection in one go. love this album its one i listen to a lot

panic! at the disco, a fever you cant sweat out- also found in the op shop haul!

panic! at the disco, pretty odd- another op shop haul find. i didn’t listen to this album a load back then compared to the rest of their stuff but its one of my faves now

my chemical romance, three cheers for sweet revenge- shocking news, found this in the op shop haul!

bastille, all this bad blood- at some point during my teens i spend my pocket money on this. definitely glad i still have it, there’s so much music on that album & i still love bastille

twenty one pilots, blurryface- another one i spent my pocket money on!!

twenty one pilots, vessel- another pocket money purchase

fall out boy, folie à deux- found in the op shop haul. didn’t even listen to this album at the time & i forgot i had it until way after i fixated on it and then went through my collection again

fall out boy, infinity on high- another op shop find, very fun find!! was a fave at the time

fall out boy, american beauty/american psycho- op shop haul find!!

fall out boy, save rock and roll- op shop haul find!!!

my chemical romance, danger days- my brother found this one in an op shop for me

will wood and the tapeworms, everything is a lot- bought this one online when he dropped the last of the original pressings a few years back. its signed but the signature is rubbing off a bit

will wood, in case i make it- i got this one when i backed the album when he was fundraising for it

the libertines, up the bracket- i think my mum gave this to me, i’ve never listened to it lol

janelle monáe, the archandroid- dad gave this to me. one of my favourite albums of all time

sara bareilles, whats inside: songs from waitress- this was a pocket money buy. i think i bought this before i actually listened to the waitress musical? so it was my introduction to it and then waitress was what made me fall in love with musical theatre

the hush sound, like vines- found this in a record shop. was very excited, i was playing one of their songs on repeat at the time

pulp, different class- mum gave me this one as well

the breeders, cannonball- my dad got it for my brother who didn’t want it and i slid in like hi, yes i love the breeders, this is mine bye.

troye sivan, wild- a pocket money buy. i really wanted blue neighbourhood but they only had this ep so its what i got

sara bareilles, the blessed unrest- another pocket money buy, i had a huge sara bareilles phase at some point in highschool

the scary jokes, retinal bloom- bought this one in one of the packs when the album was about to be dropped. gawd i love the scary jokes

the scary jokes, burn pygmion!!! a better guide to romance- what i listened to todayyy. probably my number one album ever this was a christmas gift!!

theres two fob cds i skipped cause they’re just a compilation & cd that all the songs on are on my other cds.

theres so many more that have come and left my collection but this is where its at now and i can’t waiiiit to find more!! especially w my damn car. NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOURS (please ^3^!)

[cherienymphe]

My sister has a married (separated but they’re still pretending they’re together for the kids) man over and she’s gone an fucking waited for us all to go to sleep and she’s in the living room with him. It’s the second time she’s done this.

I want to cry. I know that sounds so ducking stupid because it’s none of my business but I literally haven’t sat on my sofa for months because of when she has him over the first time. I don’t want to sit on a sofa where they probably fucked. And like, I get up at the middle of the night for cereal most nights but I literally can’t now because they’re down there.

All I wanted to do is sleep but I can’t because there’s a man in my house who I’ve only met ONCE. It’s genuinely making me want to go and sleep in a hotel. I want to leave. I was trying to be a cockblocker and I was in the kitchen for ages pretending I couldn’t sleep, and she was just there watching me, texting him and laughing. (I know that’s bad, but tbf I was thirsty)

He’s a fucking scumbag (I pretend I find him okay but reality I fucking hate him). I know I need to work on myself because this is probably jealousy or some shit. Like I know this isn’t healthy for me. It’s not like any of what I’m typing right now my sister knows. She thinks I either 1. don’t know, or 2. that i’m fine with it.

She’s 35. She hasn’t got kids or a husband and I understand he’s the first person to be obsessed with her for years, but he’s already done the kids and marriage thing for 12 years so… Is he really looking for that again? I doubt it. I just don’t like that he’s making her wait, like you’re either with your wife or you’re not.

But at the end of the day it is NONE of my business. It’s just making me feel sick right now and I was planning on having a nice sleep but I have this problem where I literally cannot fall asleep when there’s other people in my house.

I know I sound deranged but she’s my only reason for living some days and when she’s ignoring me to text him constantly it’s literally so fucking soul sucking. I should probably move out but leaving my mom and my sister together is just recipe for trouble and if I moved out my mother would literally be homeless because she can’t pay for rent on her own. I’m the youngest (20) and always wanted to travel but I’m scared of leaving because I’m scared of coming back and being alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want my family to break apart.

Anyways, my GAWD that’s long. I’ll leave this here if you want to read it. I know you’re not a therapist lol so you don’t have to reply. Just had to rant because I haven’t got anyone to talk to. Okay, I’m going to either read gothic fiction or watch Buffy to distract me 💜

Hey I don't think you're wrong to be bothered by some strange man being in your house at all hours of the night. I get that everyone's family is different, but I wasn't raised in an environment like that so I too would be bothered. Yes, she has just as much right to the space as anyone else, but it's not solely her house. You have a right to feel comfortable too.

As for your sister, you have to let her make her own decisions/mistakes. While I personally don't think it's wrong for separated couples to see other people, it's almost always a recipe for mess when no one has officially filed for divorce. Are the chances pretty great that he and his wife will reconcile and leave your sister in the dust or maybe even a dirty little secret? Yeah probably but that's her problem not yours lol. Especially since she's way old enough to not be so dumb.

As for you...babes you're 20! I understand the pressure to make sure your family is alright, but you're telling me that if you leave and live your life, your fuckass 35 y/o sister can't keep the bills paid and help your mom out? At 20 y/o, I just don't think that's your responsibility. That's supposed to come when you're older and borderline decrepit and you have to help your mom to the bathroom in her old age 😭

I won't flat out tell you what to do bc it's your life and you're the one who has to live with your decisions but if I was in your shoes...ain't no way

[joys-of-everyday]

Attachment

I have been away for a while, during which I have finished a degree (whoo!) and lost all of my drafts (sad!). I had a fancy website for organisation and I closed the tab and 6 months passed and I simply cannot remember where they have gone. So, back to word documents and I’m never putting my faith in a website again, at least not without bookmarking it. Any threads I was working on are gone. Adios! Probably for the better, since I’ve lost my momentum on them.

I’ve sufficiently curated my feed such that fandom discourse mostly doesn’t reach me unless I actively go out and search for it, and who has time for fandom discourse when you’re crying over exams, but inevitably SY vs SJ drama peaks in sometimes and… isn’t discourse so fascinating? Don’t you want to overanalyse it like you have nothing better to do in your life?

I love discourse, truly. It gives me so much joy.

You know, back in the ancient days (2020), I got into cpop. Cringe. Why is the idol fandom like this? Why am I like this? Anyway, I discovered an idol whose words… touched me. Deeply. Utterly transcendent. Relatable af. My gawd my blorbo understands me like nobody else etc. etc. I literally wrote down quotes and stuck them to my wall, that was how far it got (and I didn’t even have the excuse of being a teenager).

Now, unsurprising to those with any awareness of how the internet operates, as quickly as discovering the parasocial love of my life, I ran into the fans and the antis. ... .... *sigh*. There’s a lot to say about the dynamic of these groups, but what strikes me about that time is a vivid memory of obsessively reading anti content and feeling… well, hurt. More than hurt. Personally attacked. It was like everything I found relatable in this idol was being publicly criticised by the faceless masses, and all my worst fears about how people hated me were right there on the screen. I had to remove myself from idol news because it was really starting to get to me.

And as much as it was distressing, it was fascinating for me experiencing it, because I was a sensible adult (questionable) by this time! I knew the difference between reality and fiction! (and idols, as a brand, are basically fiction) But in relating to a figure on screen, in attaching a metaphorical part of myself to that figure, I’d opened myself up to a strange kind of vulnerability. Through this proxy, I’d put myself out into the world, and was automatically interpreting any negativity, regardless of whether it specifically applied to me or not, as an attack on me.

This, of course, is stupid. They weren’t attacking me. They didn’t even know of my existence. Even if, yes, the things being criticised were sometimes related to me and my experiences, 1) they were not criticising me and 2) online criticism tends to be… a teensy bit exaggerated.

To bring this back slightly, fictional characters can be an extremely powerful way to work through feelings that are a little bit too ugly to confront with directly. Maybe I’m weird, but I do this intensely. Most of my emotional processing involves sobbing over made-up situations involving fictional characters at inconvenient times of the day. The flip side to this is that what should be not-that-deep discussions on fictional characters are quick to turn personal, and are completely blown out of proportion in my mind.

I don’t really have a point here. This is mostly a self-conceited ramble about some experiences I’ve had. But some advice, which you are welcome to ignore if it’s not relevant: you are not a character on a screen. Any judgement of characters on screens are not a judgement of you as a person. And if it ever feels like it’s getting to you, go touch grass. Or open a window. Or - as my algebraic topology lecturer liked to say - drink a vat of gin. Whatever works for you.

[spheroz]

Samuel Daniel

No, his last name is not Daniel. But it’s a nickname me and my forge slightly obsessed Percy Jackson associate likes. (@f0xgl0v3 which you should totally go read her stuff btw) So meet Sam. Son of Apollo and mother of Theodore the jaguar…or panther…or just a big cat thing I don’t remember all I know is he’s a big black cat. But besides that because Theodore will totally get explained later at some point, let’s talk about Sam. Sam is as I said a Son of Apollo a music kid who also enjoys photography. (I’m totally linking his Pinterest board at the end of this btw) When he was first designed he was gender fluid but now he just cross dresses and he’s my little skrunkely guy :)).

He likes men. :0 oh mah gawd. But anyways. His mom died and his dad (Apollo) was like ✌️and kinda left and didn’t say anything which is like a whole other thing where their relationship is more brotherly than father and son. BUT YET AGAIN not right now. He wears mostly yellow stuff. And a sweatshirt like all the time but somehow has a perfect tan, almost always. He can glow and that’s fun also has like tangled healing powers but also like…not the hair…or the singing…or as easy and clean…so like pew pew your half way healed now drink some nectar and eat ambrosia and don’t die :).

He’s a little 6’1 or 6’2 guy. So this is me and Kleos’s nine au. Which is the seven plus our two characters. And here’s just the beginning of me taking about my sunshine healer boy :).

His whole arc is about self worth and found family. Being alone his whole life, not feeling like he’s good enough for any family or anyone person either. He goes through this whole thing where he’s like: “you guys are so much more needed and I could be anyone, Any one person could have my spot. I’m only here because I snuck in your dragon. I’m not needed” and goes through that thing and everyone is like :0 and stuff and he like is getting better at self worth and not very quickly but still he gets better. And then yes the nine become his family but not family family. That’s where Coach hedge comes in :)! They bond! It’s fun! They end up with a father- son relationship and Hedge does end up adopting him. It’s nice :)!

NOW QUICKLY IM GOING TO TALK ANOUT NEW ATHENS! So New Rome? Right? You know that. Well Sam and Annabeth totally make New Athens :)! And that’s also fun! I’ve slightly started planning it out and stuff but it’s big :) and I like it! Buts that’s all I have for now sooooo like yayyy.

first post about Sam! Not last!

@f0xgl0v3

https://www.pinterest.com/chezpizza459/samuel-hedge/

[jinkicake]

Currently T-minus 6 days until scaramouche birthday and the worst day of my life😔like he’s been outside my bedroom door for the last few nights. Like ik that this mf has the nastiest sex EVER like the fanart community out?? They released him on purpose this close to Christmas(btw felt like another Tuesday like lmao how boring I bought albedo cat stickers to feel something) like I’m trying to be toxic w him but not really; the couple that’s always play arguing and making fun of other people. He can’t even get anyone pregnant but in albedo fashion he will fuck like he’s trying for a kid!! Clears his whole schedule (fatui scaramouche ig)so he can do nothing but pump you full of his cum, like he’s very messy I feel like the sheets are always ruined so you gotta keep a spare on the nightstand or something. Like he’s always trying to fuck in público places like he gets jealous very easily and he can do the whole lmao this ass is mine. But if he sees some loser ass fatui grunt still trying after he’s made is week he’ll he will literally call him into his office to reprimand him and like while he tries to explain himself he hears you choke bc he pushes your head all the way down without warning and he pays your head saying some shit like “don’t be rude I’m having a meeting” like he’s gunna absolutely dominante you and the poor bastard will have to watch like he can’t hear you slurping down there😔😔 “ their mouth feels really good, that why you been harassing them instead of doing your job?” Probably makes you cockwarm him but it’s fake bc when you beg he says you can ride him immediately.(as I will like lmao i am slamming down on him) but he’s just looking him dead in the eyes with the most bored glare. Slips his hand down in between your legs like he’s scrolling on his phone or something 😭 “hurry up and cum already you’re ruining my pants.” Or “you can’t to be good and cum on my cock?go head” and holds you tight as your eyes roll back and that grunt much less any other one talks to you again. Likes cute outfits!! Like he’s gunna buy you expensive intricate lingerie JUST to tear it off you. Will sit you on his face until you hit his head to try and get away. He’s such a Fucking menace😒 I feel like he would tie you up and leave wanting

omg only five days until the birthday bash of the year?! we're starting off strong! you guys are going to do a joint thing right looool

scara is really hoyo's new 'it boy' and as of right now, i dont hate it kekeke

omggg lemme see the stickerssss i want xiao stickers so badly hehe i might order some

bruh i just had a thought about clay man like he cant get you pregnant either but hear me out w albedo's big brain he would figure out a way to get you pregnant LMFAO like you gonna have some clay babies or something.... if he really wants it... (yandere!albedo impregnating you w/o you knowing oof- crazy!) but yeah no kid for scara (thank gawd!)

NO bc scaramouche is such a pathetic loser because he would so try to make a claim on you in public after another fatui agent glances at you.... like hed take any excuse to fuck you smh

honestly, i like pathetic!scaramouche (what does that say about me?!) like mean but pathetic scaramouche who has no problem yelling at you but then cries when you leave him LMAO

he pretends like he doesnt give a fuck while pleasuring you but in reality he's so deep in his mind making sure that he's doing everything right LOL like im sorry but i cant have scara not interested like he needs to be obsessed or i wont care about him-

oh he's so the type to put you in pretty panties, have you sit on his face and then just lock his arms around your thighs and then eat you out until you pass out- hes evil!

and he would so tie you up to the bed and leave you there as a punishment, to embarrass you even further he might leave the bedroom door open just a bit so that anyone who passes by (childe, signora) can get a glance

((side note: i hope you have a happy new year my dear!!! </3 and some good albedo dreams~))

[aversiteespabilas]

I've been summoned yet again!!

I LOVELOVELOVE all the illustrations you've been doing for SL and ROTMR and I've returned to yell at you about it 💗💗

first i wanna talk about the illustration you made for the first chapter of SL. I wanna be not normal about framing real quick, because it struck me as a very specific artistic choice. Our perspective as the audience is placed outside the main setting. Literally. we're peeking through bushes.

we are Not a part of the scene currently unfolding. You could have very easily framed the scene to feel more like Yusuke's pov, but you chose not to. In the written version we're very much reading from Yusuke's perspective, but the audience is never Truly seeing through his eyes, it's not a i/me situation. The audience sort of looks over his shoulder. which, in the illustrated version of the scene, is exactly the position the audience is placed in!

I like that Testuya's gaze isn't on *us, this is a moment between them and them alone. It feels intimate. We're outsiders looking in on a story we have no place in. but ur so gawd darn good at this shit that it doesn't change the power and connection i feel as a viewer. Anyways, all that's to say, I think the connection you made between the two mediums was really neat and very well done. Infinite kudos!! 

NEXT!! the most recent one you did

i mean. WOW. what a way to visualize tension!! I love how the rabbits are framed by the broken glass, it looks like they're trapped. they're walking on glass but scratch that bc the glass is already broken and unless they wanna cut up their toe beans they have to be veryyy careful. 

Also, i love the silly little background yokai they're all so rise coded i love them sosososo much! The little wormy dude? he's literally the love of my life, i'm obsessed with him 

on the topic of background stuff, ny is TRASHED. (referring to the illustration you posted for ROTMR chap. 2) 

I knew there was a ton of rubble and destruction but i don't think i really digested the implications of it all. the purple veins choking metal and concrete? the strong buildings trusted by new yorkers to shelter and protect reduced to unrecognizable rubble?? It evokes such a feeling of horror…and considering possible real world events that may or may not be canon in ROTMR, it hits Really close to home. the whole ordeal is just such a terrible trauma.

on a lighter note, the puppies are adorable as ever! I enjoyed them so much on your cover art for the fic and it's such a treat to see the puppers closer up. I actually love this scene, it's so goofy! poor yuki is concerned for todd's safety on SO many levels 😭😭

Also, i have to bring it up every time, I love the paw shapes 🥺

i love all your shapes but im a BIG fan of the rabbit shapes. They're so rabbity i'm obsessed!!!!!! the ears and the paws get me every time 🥺🙏

and i never mentioned your drawings from a while back, i yelled at Rhin about it at the time but they Just reblogged ur tetsutoshi thingy and i got blown away all over again AWWOOOGA HUF HUF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!! im never gonna get over it!! All your little spicys are great 😭😭🙏 

I dont think any of us are getting past the furry porn allegations. 💀

And while i'm on the subject of spicy tetsutoshi, the new chapter of H&H was BEYOND phenomenal!! It was SO worth the wait, you put your whole soul into that thing 😭🙏 

I honestly haven't fully collected my thoughts on it, there's so much to digest and think about. I might invade ur ao3 inbox sometime soon but i just wanna let u know that i at least read it

anyways, back into the abyss i go, I'm fully submerged in the sand box, you guys buried me under the sand and placed a makeshift flag on the mountain of sand covering my body. lots of hugs and kisses, until next time!!

- 😎

WELCOME BACK SUNNYYYY

The way I just JUMPED from my bed this morning when I saw I had an ask from you HIIIII OMG

My Illustration Era is afoot buddy! Listen, I have a to-draw list that lately just keeps getting full of composition and background ideas for specific scenes and what am I supposed to do about it? NOT deliver??

It's just. I feel like I found it, I found a winning formula for creating immersive ambience that involves having at least three layers of objects (foreground, background, and the characters), and it's funny how by adding that bit of distance from the characters, that "obstacle", suddenly the audience acknowledges they're there, like there's a camera they could move in the space. Plus the blur effect, it creates some DELIGHTFUL pictures, and I've been exploring the potential of that method in as many creative ways as I can find with these scenes! Might not be long until I try to tackle landscapes... Myself from a year ago would be so proud...

For SL Chapter 1 my original idea was actually very different. I was thinking of putting the camera well above both of them, inspired by that line that says their ancestors and Grandfather Jotaro are watching them from the wooden beams. In the end I decided against it cause it was a weird angle to find reference for, cause they'd look a bit awkward from above and mostly cause I realized I was particularly interested in showing Tetsuya's face, since in SL this is the lasting impression of Tetsuya that's going to linger throughout the entire fic, and I wanted the viewer to have a clear look at the person we're talking about. The resulting composition was not as "confrontational" as I had originally intended, it actually feels more intimate and warm, although I did make use of sharp light and shadows to create more tension. I feel like it does work in service to the fic as a whole, though 😌 And Rhin also mentioned that "outside looking in" vibe! It plays within the character-centric, present tense third person that Rhin's narration uses, although of course I'm not planning for all the illustrations to be from over Yusuke's shoulder. I'm kind of approaching it like I would movie scenes! This is Yusuke's movie and we'll need to see his face too from time to time adgsffs

Like with the Chapter 5 art! I really really wanted to have a clear view of all three characters, so I was thinking of an interesting and dynamic way to see all of them confronting the oni. Then I got the idea of the broken glass! I was very excited to see what it would look like framed with that transparency. I also had a lot of fun with the little marketplace yokai, finally those weird critter doodles I made on the corners of high school notes can come in handy- Admittedly, it's not exactly the big crowd I was envisioning? But it gets the point across that they're not the only people there.

Regarding ROTMR Chapter 2, oh boy I feel you. With this one I wanted to achieve a sort of contrast between the destruction and the cute comedic puppy rescue moment, which would reflect the duality of that scene and, in a way, the fic itself. I wanted the environment to accurately represent how messed up everything is, cause it really does hit different when you're seeing it in a picture. I actually took reference from the Rise movie, and how New York actually looked during the krang invasion, and was kind of surprised at how much utter destruction is depicted, including the pink/purple goo EVERYWHERE. In contrast with the bleak nighttime setting of the movie, though, this scene is set in broad daylight, so you can see the goo and the buildings and the dusty environment very clearly, but there's also an intended air of calm and you can see a bit of construction going on in the background. The danger has passed, and they're going through the recovery stage now. I'm actually very proud of the puppy designs, they're such cute little goobers, and especially had a lot of fun with the curly haired one- Just a mop hopping across krang rubble don't worry about it.

COME BE SO INCREDIBLY NORMAL ABOUT RABBIT PAWS WITH MEEEE every single time I draw them I imbue in them all the insanity I feel from not being able to touch them. Fantasy is a cruel, cruel mistress my friend.

I'M SO SO HAPPY WITH THAT SPICY TETSUTOSHI, I was taking pose reference from a photograph but dang, I didn't imagine it turning out SO pretty and on-model, I couldn't even decide on which palette to use with it, which is why I just posted two versions. Fun fact, the ref actually didn't have clothing, but I decided to add clothes after the fact cause get this: ruffled clothing actually makes the whole thing so much more sensual. Just trust me on this, it suddenly made everything x10 times better. Listen, the posing gets you in the moment, but the clothing is the story. It tells you where those hands have been before and what they've done. Same with the places where fur is ruffled. This is one of the reasons I don't often draw the strands of fur on my rabbits (even though I love doing it), cause I want them to be purposeful when I do draw them, to really convey that idea of untidyness. AND SO I CONTINUE ON MY QUEST TO DRAW STUFF I WISH TO TOUCH- ahem ahem

Gosh I'm so completely OVERJOYED that you're liking H&H, that one's a bit of a drama fest compared to ROTMR but it's truly a labor of love, I put all the care I possibly can in crafting every chapter. I'm aware my chapters are very chonky and intense, they're full stories more than they are individual scenes; I think that's a style that suits me well, but I also know it's a bit of a daunting task to discuss them in length. Just knowing that you're sticking with us in our madness makes me so warm and fuzzy inside 💕💕💕💕 I treasure every comment and I love you FOREVER!! Pop in anytime so I can infodump at you some more! 🥰

[chronic-boogara]

oh ma gawd u did it again ! my stomach had butterflies in it while reading ( sorry for the typo ) and goddamn you're too good .

ok ( p.s - I love your new pfp those puppies look soooooo cute ) imagine time again - billy loomis and reader at school. maybe like a day or summat. just classes and billy loomis getting protective. ya know - the kind that keeps me up at night

you’re actually the best <3 your asks always make my day like what!!?? definitely one of my faves🙇🏼‍♀️and i love those puppies so much they make me laugh. i love writing for billy loomis he’s definitely one of my main obsessions. he is an actual disease in my brain. hope you like this babe. <33

this goes by class by class :) i’m american and at my school we only have four classes a day eight in all we rotate. just to explain the set up rq

billy doesn’t like to share.

Class 1.

you sat quietly at your desk in the back of the classroom, perfectly content with your situation. it was not often you had a classroom filled with silence. life was good.

billy will stop by once or twice. he might knock on the window behind your desk because he knows how little the teachers cares for anything not concerning his books. he’ll keep an eye on the boys in your classroom, making sure they don’t try anything funny. he hates not being able to keep an eye on you all through out the day.

the one time he did catch someone bothering you he was quick to jump in the classroom through the window and call them right out. it would have gotten physical if the bell didn’t ring. the boy was quick to leave. he was dead the next night.

Hall

do you need help carrying your stuff ? billy’s got it. he will carry all your heavy books and hold your hand while walking you to your next class.

Class 2.

billy was in your next class. he had thrown a fit with the teacher so he could sit in the desk to your right. sydney prescott was on your left.

he would pass little notes to you through the hour of lesson. sometimes they were really sweet things that said things like “i love you so much y/n”. with theo stick figures made to look like the two of you holding hands and a sloppy heart above. and other times they would be shitty. gossip usually. he loved to talk shit and who better to do it with than his s/o.

people knew billy had a few screws loose so they didn’t mess with you much. the minute you two became exclusive he made sure that everyone knew who you belonged to.

Hall

he will practically drag you to lunch with him. he’s just so excited to be away from everyone and just be near you.

lunch used to be a nuisance for you. a group of girls would tease you relentlessly the entire time making you skip the time slot completely. all four turned up dead in their home not too long after you and billy started going out. you wanted to say you felt bad but you didn’t. what goes around comes around right?

Lunch.

billy never liked cafeteria food so he took you and stu out to one of the restaurants close to the school. and sometimes he would ditch stu and just go out with you. it was like a date sort of.

he would keep you our way longer than lunch. it wasn’t often that you were on time for third period. billy just loves being around you.

Class 3.

after arriving 20 minutes late the teacher will lecture the class about the importance of being punctual before continuing the lesson. this teacher is strict but occasionally billy will sit in if he’s not paying attention during attendance.

you share that class with stu! you loved being around the boy. he was always making jokes and sharing food. billy liked stu but didn’t trust his friendly nature. you belong to billy and he didn’t want anyone to get in the way of that. if stu got a little too touchy billy will be quick to swat his hand away or give him a peek of the knife he keeps in his front pocket.

though you got no learning done in the class due to all the distractions it was a highlight of your day.

Class 4.

last class of the day finally! everyone is so eager to leave the overall vibe is antsy. you have this class with billy as well.

he sits at your table and just kind of exists. he doesn’t like the other two people that sit there so he tends to be as ice cold as possible. still has a hand in your thigh or an arm around your shoulders of course.

you get a lot of work done in this class since billy is actually really good at math. he’s your tutor basically. it’s super frustrating for both of you some days but that’s just how it goes.

the day usually goes by smoothly with billy keeping a watchful eye over you

[thetallkiwi]

Trigger warning: mentioning of abuse and uses a ton of cuss words.

Me Ranting About Certain Placements In My Natal Chart Because Why Not?

So this rant is a combination of placements and aspects that I have been obsessing over within my birthchart. I’m convinced that my whole life is nothing but karma. I’m ready to fuck up past life Kili for this bs they caused me in this lifetime Lmaooo. But of course if you have any of these aspects comment below 👇 tell me how you work through them!

Trigger warning: Mentioning of abuse and use of cuss words.

I also apologize for any mistakes made, I am drowsy.

Sun Square Pluto: OH MY FUCKING GAWD THIS IS A PRETTY DIFFICULT ASPECT FOR ME. It’s literally saying, “you have to be your own dad because your “father figure” failed his job at being a dad. Chilleeee this self-parenting stuff is hard! I’m always in a constant battle with my own ego and it’s difficult. Because this is a harsh aspect, great blessings can come from the great lessons that must be learned. Not to mention that I would love to have an authority position. But once I do, I am quakinggggg. I have to make sure I do a great job flawlessly and everything nice with a little bit of spice. Not to forget: the sun also represents your core, your creativity (just one of the indicators)…and you get judged. Literally getting judged for being my damn self…like why God-

Virgo mars, 7th house: I already went on a slight rant in my previous post about my mars square pluto aspect and mentioned that my mars is in my 7th house. Here’s some more info. Having mars in virgo is already enough bullshit because nit-picking is prevalent. I’m a perfectionist at heart and it’s draining. I cannot forget the time I cried in AP English because I struggled with my essay. I erased that shit and started over a total of three times. I got a d e c e n t grade on it. I was still pissed at myself. Now going off of the placement alone, I don’t get angry. It’s more of a whiny, irritated, and annoyed type of frustration. However I get like that fast so I get over it fast. Thankful about that lol. But when I am enraged, then there’s more than just being whiny. Also mentioned that it’s on my descendant. I just want to give a shout out to those closest to me because I know I am aggressive without trying to be. Remember the saying “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?” Yeahhhhh this applies to mars in 7th house folk so much because those closest to us, are also our enemies. You may be my friend, but you are also my enemy. The way I attract loud ass people too is so annoying. I be wanting peace and quiet (thanks saturn for transiting my 12th house) yet people be trying to blow up my phone. Damn can’t a girl get some sleep?? It’s only 6 in the morning 😭 but seriously, it’s a tricky placement to have because I am so used to people always wanting to do shit that triggers me and start fights (although the latter is rare, thankfully). The 7th house is also the house of hidden enemies, so people could be sending me so much negative energy and idk who cause they’re not going to make it known that they don’t like me. They’re intimidated yet moved by my very existence. It’s sad. To top it off, mars opposes my ascendant, which is my next aspect.

3. Mars opposition ascendant: Okay, having any planet aspect your ascendant is going to make that planet’s energy show up on you physically. Having mars opposing my ascendant, makes me look aggressive. If you were to see me in person, you would notice how tall I am, and how broad my shoulders are, as per most people do. Once again, people be wanting to pick fights with me and it’s not okay. I do feel some type of way about this because it’s continuous. Being bullied, and even managers and people above me are somewhat on my ass more than others but also don’t think I have the potential to take on bigger roles and whatnot. One phrase I am used to is “Oh KiLi, I tHoUgHt YoU wEre a BiTcH bUt yOu’Re AcTuAlLy ChIlL.” Like duhh??? I have no reason to hate on anyone whatsoever 🥴 but you will literally spend your life judging someone from the outside in instead of actually getting to know the person. Damn.

4. Moon square pluto:

*Sigh*. Volitile emotions. A super volcano. I don’t cry, but when I do, it’s a blessed release. A huge purge of whatever I have been holding down. Then a migraine comes along followed by a 3 hr nap. I just outed myself but oh well 🤣. Anyway, whatever pluto touches in a chart, is going to give it depth, so that causes the planet’s energy or luminary’s energy (in this case) to intensify. Since it’s the moon, the most sensitive placement in one’s chart, this is going to give the person emotional depth, so they’ll have the blessing and the curse of feeling more than others. But if not treated correctly or exerted, I should say, then you get a super volcano. Emotions are scary and complicated. It’s imperative for us moon-pluto people (especially harsh aspects, those with harmonious aspects are already comfortable with their own intensity) to allow ourselves time to be vulnerable so that it doesn’t build up in us and cause us pain. This usually stems from a mom (or parent but moon reps mom so yeah) being too controlling and not letting us b r e a t h e when we’re little. Not helping us process our emotions and understanding how complex this is. This causes us a plethora of problems. I don’t know if other cultures have moms that say stupid shit to their kids like what my mom said to me lol: “ stop crying before I give you something to cry about” she says after whooping my ass 100 times. Yeah….no. So then when we’re older, we carry around this heavy baggage and energy that can scare other people away. Or they become obsessed (remember literally anything pluto touches will create obsession with that placement). It’s a never-ending cycle until you learn how to regulate your emotions and use outlets instead of going crazy and wanting to physically take it out on people. This could also show a karmic tie to the mom. It can also show a sign of emotional intelligence once learning how to regulate intense feelings.

5. Virgo sun conjunct virgo mars.

I am literally one of THOSE people. I like my shit neat and istg…don’t touch my shit without asking. I promise you that I will be nice the first few times but next time nah. This is where I thank my friends again for dealing with my ass because I do overthink shit that is not there. This aspect really puts a fog over my eyes where I cannot see my own progress. I would have to do the work and learn how to embrace the positive things in my life instead of seeing the negative. It’s a lot of mental work but it must be done!

6. Uranus in 12th house, retrograde:

Ugghhhhjh we love this 😬😫🙂. This placement sucks for me. I know this can be considered an intuitive placement but because it’s retrograde…my intuition feels so far away. I struggle to use my intuition, I have to develop it more. Not to mention it is 1:14pm and I am still drowsy. Insomnia placement when underdeveloped. I don’t know how to fix the sleep schedule part. If my body says rest then I am resting. If my body says we’re awake, then we’re awake. Not to mention it’s in Aquarius. I am still learning how to express myself and be comfortable with it. Obviously I’m not going to listen to society’s bitch ass. I don’t care if I am plus size, i will proudly wear a crop top. My body is beautiful and I have B a w d y. I am going to wear what I please and it doesn’t offend people, but people will try and make a problem with it. Every now and then, I get these vivid dreams and omg they’re mostly nonsense (I need to learn how to be careful with what i consume on social media (moon trine Uranus is prominent so i may use social media to avoid feeling lol)) but they’re so…vivid. But I can’t complain because that’s the best type of sleep I be getting Lmaooo. I don’t get much of that so yeah. Although I hope that as I grow older, I can be more in tune with this placement. Apparently i am because according to my secondary progression chart, uranus moved to my 11th house which is primarily in Capricorn. Now I just have to be comfortable with my friends 😑. This feels like a liner placement because…well no one gets used to uranian energy. Upon first glimpse, of course. Heads are always tilted and not one day goes by when you have people stand there and study you. But…I am unaware because it’s in my 12th house. Anything in your 12th house you’re not aware of, but other people see it upon associating with you.

7. Neptune, 12th house, retrograde:

I don’t know who or what the fuck I am. I know for a fact that spirituality plays an important role with this placement. It’s just a matter of finding out what branch of spirituality i should pursue. I was a Christian, then atheist, then omnist, then deconstructed Christian, now I am agnostic. I’m probably going to stay that way. More like a deconstructed agnostic. I don’t want to be associated with any religion, but I do recognize God/higher power. But I won’t praise them the way how the church does. It’s all about developing a personal relationship with the higher power. But I’ll steer clear from structured religion. This is also supposed to be an intuitive placement as well, but once again, shit is in retrograde. Everything regarding spirituality and intuition feels far away. Having this brain fog and fog over your eyes are not a pretty sight nor a pretty feeling. As a matter of fact, I probably do have a strong intuition, but I’m oblivious to it. It’s not like i can use it as i please when I want, I have to actively work towards that. Of course I am a pisces rising and this is my chart ruler…well one of them. (If going by traditional astrology, then it’s Jupiter). Having my chart ruler in my 12th house makes me introverted. Mostly because it’s much more fun in my head than it is in this depressing ass world. I forgot what else I was going to say, but this can also show the possibility of achieving the “Christ concept.” Or maybe that’s more my rising lol.

8. 8th house moon, moon in libra:

I’m indecisive, but I mind my business. I stay away from most topics because I take a neutral stance. I tried to come to conclusions on a variety of subjects, but goodness gracious this is hard. Being a lunar libran, it’s challenging. People always wanna ask me about this and/or that, butttt idk. I hate that, so I try to educate myself. Then having my moon in the 8th house is similar to a Scorpio moon, and it’s at 28°, so this kind of presents more challenges. Being exposed to the hardships of life at an early age, mainly pertaining to sex, just breaks you. Just like moon square pluto, this also makes me carry heavy/intense energy and adds sexual attention and obsession. I am in the midst of learning how to heal money wounds, intrusive thoughts, and just being comfortable with my own intensity. The only other people who can be comfortable around me is those who have Scorpio/8th house placements. Or they’re a plutonian like me, which gives way to my jext aspect…

9. Dominant planet #1 of 4: Pluto.

I’m a certified plutonian. Pluto squares all my inner planets, with the exception of pluto sextile my mercury(libra 7th house ), and trine my lilith (Aries, 1st house), conjuncts my midheaven, and is located in my 10th house. This is extremely heavy energy. I naturally die and go through a rebirth, on multiple occasions, depending on what I have to heal in me. This is extremely draining. It’s hard to have a positive outlook on life and stay afloat. But the greater the challenges, the greater the rewards. I was surprised that I have this as my dominant planet because certain…leaders also have placements/aspects similar to mine, if not the same. The funny thing is that they were fascists and communists. Being this intense and realize that from such a young age is so…crazy. It explains a LOT. The intensity and difficulty of life is something that a sun dominant or a moon dominant may not be able to handle. Having to deal with people who are intimidated by you, jealous of you, and all that. Even your own mom (moon square pluto). Also, mars is a lower octave of pluto, so those aspects with mars, are also not fun. Just adds onto the craziness. I know that the various trauma I went through helped me build incredible resilience, but at what cost? A very heavy one.

10. Saturn, 4th house, gemini:

This goes with my previous placement as well. But the difference with saturn and pluto is that saturn does hard work over time to perfect the skill but pluto adds trauma to the mix. Anywho, having this placement symbolizes that the child grew up in a strict household. The parent that took care of the child, withheld emotions and didn’t nurture the child emotionally. This causes the child to learn how to put their own feelings down, causing them to be guarded against themselves. For me, it’s momma who did this. She was busy wallowing in her misery that I had to be the parent to my own parent. I had to learn stuff by myself as she doesn’t have much education either. Now, I am fulfilling the first half of the karma that this placement brings. That is taking care of my mom. (I forgot to mention that my moon is the 8th, my mom developed a health problem which increases gradually). I have to do my best to avoid the same problem that she has and to learn from her. To do this, is to create a routine that ensures your personal success which is above what you’re living through now. Then, with hard work and persistence, and perseverance, you will have fulfilled your familial karma. It’s in Gemini, so there’s also trouble with communicating. Communicating what? Problems, concerns, etc. I also have had to struggle with education and learning how to do stuff more slowly than my peers. But I’m trying to keep positive. I just hope that my family in the future will be the one I wasn’t able to have. Give and teach my kids what I acquired late. This placement also makes me a late bloomer/ early bloomer. Late because I learned things that I should’ve known when I was younger. Early bloomer because I understand life more than my peers. There are times when I don’t talk and have “quiet days” because I feel like no one listens. Then, those who do listen feel annoyed when I vent (or at least it feels like that). Being vulnerable is also a lesson in of itself. I’m what people refer to as an old soul. I’m 19 but i am easily mistaken for 21+ due to my maturity and whatnot. (I also have moon trine saturn, but I’ll go into that in another rant).

That’s all for now. I need to take a nap, clean my room, then do homework.

[rainbowcolored7]

TAG NINE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER

Tagged by @evil-moonlight Thanks doll!

I think I've been tagged by a few others for this and I'm sorry I never got around to it! I'm going to be going through and trying to respond to the ones I've missed, but if anyone wants to tag me again feel free!

Favorite Color: Cerulean blue, baby/hot pink and bright yellow has been growing on my for a while now.

Currently reading: Uh, well, I think the last actual book I picked up was the first in the Shadow & Bone series, but as I usually do with books I got distracted by fic and fandom things. I have been meaning to go back and reread (and finish reading) all of Cherie Priest's novels, but they're all packed away in boxes in my storage unit unfortunately. If you're into zombies, supernatural themes, and steampunk I HIGHLY recommend reading her stuff because it's fucking amazing.

Fanfiction wise I'm making my way through @godotismissingx -Bedroom Hymns series for like the fourth time - https://archiveofourown.org/series/2475169

@kinnsporsche True North https://archiveofourown.org/works/39011805/chapters/97582617

And of course anxiously waiting every day for updates on @yeetlegay Fake Love and Hennessy https://archiveofourown.org/works/39083298/chapters/97769772 and @luckydragon10 A King's Tree https://archiveofourown.org/works/39298218/chapters/98339034

(I just spent an hour fighting tumblr to get the coding to work to do click through links and it still isn't working idk so sorry about that...)

Last song: Well, this is difficult to answer because I'm currently listening to music so I'll just name the few songs I've been listening to obsessively for the past week etc. Hindi Sad Diamonds - John Leguizamo, Nicole Kidman & Alka Yagnik from Moulin Rouge (yes this is entirely Tong's fault from the world tour, thank you sir), Always Remember Us This Way - Lady Gaga (it's kimchay and it hurts and I love the pain), Small Doses - Bebe Rexha (ofc a kp video turned me onto this one), Smother Me - Kelaska and OF COURSE Why Don't You Stay by Jeff Satur because, I mean, come on.

Last Series: Working my way through a 3rd/2nd and a half rewatch of The Devil Judge (I never finished my second rewatch), um, KinnPorsche of course, that one is just a constant. Also watching My Liberation Notes, but I had to to take a break because every single character in that show is so damn depressed and human that it really brings me down to the dirt and I was getting a bit too sad. When I can finally tear myself away from all my wips I'm really looking forward to watching the newest season of Virgin River (yeah, I know, don't look at me like that. It's sweet and wholesome and corny and hetero but it's yummy okay).

Last movie: Went and saw Thor Love and Thunder with the fam sunday evening. It was predictable, very marvel (derogatory), but I laughed a lot and it was a fun watch. Oh, and I watched Moana again last night as well because I heard Jeff Satur's cover of How Far I'll Go and promptly cried and lost my entire mind. Go ruin your life and listen to it right now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex_NRs9VyNw

Currently working on: Oh gawd please don't make me say it... several vid edits on the backburner, peteporsche fic, lawyer!kinn assistant!porsche fic request by @moerusai , kp fantasy royal au, the haunting of Theerapanyakul house (a haunting of hill house vegaspete au) for the lovely @liyazaki , another armpol fic, the kp greaser!era fic and Vegas character study I may or may not be giving up on 'cause the sparks just aren't hitting right, AND several pieces of artwork. *cries in not enough time*

No pressure tags - Everyone I mentioned above! As well as @acacia-luna-royal @ahdriking @omarandjohnny @mematryoshkame @minisculecosmos @suga4mycoffee

Pretty sure that's more than nine but I cannot count. ❤️

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 8

So the finale is here.

And baby do we need some resolutions.

This one is titled "After the Rain"

I hope that's a good thing.

Couples montage then lonely Violet. She was blissfully in love with her husband, that's for sure. 8 facking kids worth.

Yes Simon and Daphne are a love match....but they are ripping my heart out right now.

Why are they being so cold?!?!

Way to reference the ruse Daphne. Ugh.

I'm glad that King Granville is here.

Yes push those assholes together.

That shoulder touch. See, irresistible. They are all about each other.

The very picture of devotion, indeed.

Benny and Eloise!!!!

She's wearimg that ugly neck thing again.

No Benny, she thinks Delacroix is Whistledown.

What?!?! Francesca is coming back.

Oh Marina you still pregnant.

Now you shipping Penelope and Colin. That's not weird or anything seeing as you were ready to trap his ass.

Something is amiss!

For Violet to be so wise with her sons, she's awfully thick when it comes to Daphne. I just don't understand.

Daphne is done done done with Violets advice.

I ain't mad at her.

Aww Portia is trying to finesse her way back in. Violet can't stand her.....

Okay Daphne! Let's just hand out all kinds of forgiveness today.

Oh shit. Sir Crane!

Daphne and Portia are GONE!

Ooooh her beloved is dead dead dead.

Yeah girllllllll. All that time you thought he abandoned you. And he was at war.....shit.

What a pill.

I'm glad Daphne has some kind of friend.

Daphne and Marinas storylines are kind of bizarrely parallel.

Jesus Eloise, wtf!

Awww she's trying to save her friend.

I don't think Delacroix is Whistledown.

Oh this is so uncomfortable.....Benny on the low shit.

That shoulder shrug was cute.

"Lock. The door "

Where you going Daphne....what you doing?

Your Graces.

Awww Daphne is still trying.

Damn Simon if she deserves it, step up and give it to her.

Will and Alice ❤

Aw shit Will took Featheringtons bait.

This can't be good.

The deed to the crib?!

This man is out of his mf mind.

Stop it with Anthony and Sienna already!

Simon knows Will is up to something..........

Oh shit he's still there.

Marina you better marry him.

You a damn fool.

Good luck.....you're missing tf out I think.

Right, Portia, right.

Oh she definitely still pregnant.

What are you looking for Daphne?

Ooooh she found the letters he wrote to his father.

And she's reading the mfs.

Oh man.

Yeah girl. It's fucking awful.

Here we go again with hoe ass Anthony.

Under the bleachers. Okay you freaks.

And Will throws the fight.

Featherington is so full of shit and those bookies know he played them. That is going to go horribly. I guaranfuckingtee it.

Simon knows whats up....but he's in no position to judge ANYBODY right now.

Daphne getting serious insight.

I appreciate the relationship between Daphne and Lady Danbury.

She needs someone to be straight with her.

She's giving that mother-in-law type advice and I love it.

You really out here judging him Simon.

Will fucked up but he's still right! Worry about your wife and your life! What's this really about?!

Oh Portia...don't get too excited.

That shits coming back around.

Breakfast together. Is this progress?

Daphne has a peace about her.

She ain't giving up on her man.

To Bridgerton House they go to see Dear Francesca.

Simon is so charming. He is duplicitous af!

Suddenly everyone is just cool with everything. Okay.

Must be the edibles.

Yes girl, look at your hot husband. He is impressive.

Um. Eloise. I think you're wrong boo.

Everybody doesn't have the advantages you have homie! I'm glad Penelope checks her when she gets on that high horse.

Simon with the kiddos just laying it on thick for my girl Daph. Teasing the fuck out of her.

Even Anthony looks all proud and shit.

Delacroix still finds away to shade Portia and it's hilarious.

He lost her mf dowry.

Yes Marina. The bun is still in the oven.

Hastings house is lavish af!

Gawd that picture.

This is not the end. No. No. No.

I share in the doctors exasperation.

Idk what the fuck has happened to Anthony to turn him on his head like this.

Ok mf! You know what, take Sienna to the ball.

Finally giving her the love she deserves from you.

Oh look at these assholes looking at themselves.

"You wound me."

She's light roasting him again and it's lovely.

Come on my babies. Get it together. Y'all are precious.

Also if I ever marry, I want a regal ass portrait like that.

She wants to dance with her man. Same, girl. I want to, and I want you to, too.

Oh we have classic bantering Simon and Daphne.

Come. On. Already.

Fix it.

Fuck....the way they look at each other.

Welp. Party time.

Noooo not one LAST dance.

Ok Will flexed for his baby.

Simon still looking all judgy. Man you better get your own house in order.

Eloise is a living doll, but she's not here for the fellas just yet....or maybe ladies. Or maybe nothing at all. We'll see with her. Just not yet.

I appreciate the evolution of her and Daphnes relationship.

Aww Mr. Finch.

Portia flexing. "The Duchess extended an invitation, personally." She made sure they knew how connected she was.

They're still roasting her wack ass husband though. But fuck him.

Yep he's fucked.

Wtf does Benny do at these balls?

Awe Colin and Penelope.

Penelope bout to confess.

Well Colin killed that. Like dead in the water.

Ya boy is going to Greece.

Sorry Pen. The confession must wait.

Shes devastated. Hell nah she ain't dancing.

Oh Eloise...now is not the time.

Eloise got all that tea!!!!

Hold up this footman looks cheeky. More of him maybe.

Anthony bout to scoop his lady......SIKE.

Sienna pitting an end to this shit.

Anthony you've let her down one too many times.

And Sienna apparently has no desire to put on airs.

Are you sorry though?

And wtf do you do now?

Toss the flowers. Check.

Aww she saved Whistledown.

What a peach.

Come on assholes. Look at y'all looking at each other.

And he still plans on leaving.

Lady Danbury out here dropping wisdom. Listen, Simon, listen!

I honestly do think it's different for them. I think it's different for everyone.

Oh Daphne, Violet is dropping hot ones this time.

What a fucking pep talk.

And now they dance!!!!!

Its that slo-mo smoldering stare for me.

More rain?!

Daphne letting that shit wash her worries away. Go girl.

I mean y'all are cute but this is Daphne and Simons moment.

Cheers to the cane of Lady Danbury.

Danbury put everyone out. Her matchmaking and scheming never end.

At least Simon stayed in the rain with her.

Look at them.....

She told him bout the letters!!!!

Idk man. This love confession is on par with "I burn for you."

She wants to stay with you and love you every day. Man you have a rider. Y'all have dragged each other through the shits. Y'all need this rain.

But there's this lovely thing called a choice.

You really just gonna let her walk away this time and NOT follow her?!

Fucking hell.

Meanwhile at Featherington house.

Oh fuck.

Lord Featherington is dead. I knew that shit was going to blow up.

Fuck. Poor Portia.

Daphne just chilling.

Oh. Ok. Here comes the Duke.

Oh come on Simon. Yes you do. You know EXACTLY what to do.

Nothing else matters when y'all tangled up in them sheets.

They are just so tender!

Yes! Take it to the bed.

Daphne kissing on Simons neck and wanting to give him pleasure and affection >>>>>>>>

A million times over. Its fucking hot. Look at her honing her skillset.

Ride the mf girl!

Ok then! Flip that ass!!!

Out here long stroking the fuck out of her. Got dang.

Oh now you bout to hit that ecstacy.

Is a "congratulations" or "good job" in order?

These beautiful assholes!!!!

I just love them.

All this build up for Simon to ejaculate inside Daphne....but so worth it.

Awww poor Penelope.....

Eloise is convinced Whistledown is Delacroix.

I do love Portia.

Her and Marina grew to an understanding I think.

Marina girl, I think you're making a wise choice marrying your baby daddys brother. Just saying.

Who tf inheriting the Featherington Estate? And have we met them?

Hyacinth is forever in my heart.

Simon and Daphne got that glowwwwww.

Awwe Anthony is all broken up over Sienna.

Ahh yes Anthony, a loving union is the problem. I'm ready for your drama Hoe.

Aha! I knew Delacroix wasn't Whistledown.

Ooooh Eloise!

And you saved her ass.

Really?!?! Pen?!

I can see it a bit.

Aww Daphne is having a baby!!! She got her wish!!!

Simon looks equal parts terrified and amazed.

Aw yall keeping the alphabetical name tradition. How fucking cute.

But you know what, I'm here for it and I find myself satisfied.

And also thirsty!

That's why I went right back and started the series right over again. Yes I did. And I'm proud of that.

Now I will start the books and obsess about season 2.

What a beautiful much needled ride during these times. I feel alive again.

[glassesandkim]

ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash. 

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies. 

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage. 

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house? 

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children. 

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child. 

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???) 

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS. 

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people. 

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!