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paperhats-and-evil-schemes · 1 year ago

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Lovestarved (Rewrite)

Flug couldn’t believe it. Defying all of his expectations, Black Hat actually prevented him from hurting his friends. Not only that, but kept his secret from being exposed. He had been so certain that the eldritch wanted [...], but now, with every manipulative and cruel assumption Flug had made being tossed out the window, he had no idea what to think anymore. When he next spoke, his voice was but a meek stutter. “Th-Thank you, sir...” “’Thank you’?” Black Hat repeated, a ghostly twitch of annoyance betraying his smile for just a moment. “What have I told you, Flug? Your… gratitude…” That last word was uttered with notable disgust, “… is gravely misplaced. I only—“ He was stunned into silence when Flug unexpectedly clutched his hand. “You stopped me from hurting them.” The scientist spoke more firmly in spite of how his own hands trembled. Flug dared not make eye contact, instead staring directly at the floor. “Thank you.” He had almost expected to get lashed out at or shouted at for grabbing Black Hat so suddenly, and when he realized his mistake, he immediately let go… but Black Hat did neither of those things. He just stared, expression completely blank to the point of almost being comical, at where Flug had touched him. That doesn’t happen. People don’t touch him. He touches people. On his terms. After the initial confusion wore off, his cold and calculative eyes pierced right through Flug. “… Well.” He finally spoke, flat-toned, “You can thank me by getting rid of those pests outside.”

Okay look I know the White Hat fic’s been a long time coming and I’m definitely still working on it, but oh my god the complete and utter abomination that was the original Lovestarved fic was driving me completely insane, I HAD to give it a revamp for my own peace of mind lmfao, my GOD, IT WAS SO BAD YOU GUYS IDC WHAT YOU SAY I'M SORRY SZTEFA BUT YOU'RE W R O N G LMAO

So anyway, have the not-perfect-but-still-very-much-improved fanfic of a Monster!Flug x BH slowburn in which these idiots keep idioting around each other 24/7 until things happen lol (Btw one of my mutuals recently got instabanned for merely mentioning a certain phrase, so since I’m not sure how tumblr is deciding to auto-flag posts and I don’t wanna go through the headache of having to get my account reactivated again, this post is only the first half of the fic (the safe portion lol) and then there’ll be a link to the AO3 version at the bottom of this post for when things start to get on the risqué side.)

And of course, this fic series is based on this wonderful fic right here!

Previous works in chronological order: Hired, Don’t Try to Run, Lovestarved, Trial & Trust, Deeper Than Skin, A Small Solace, In Sickness and in Health, Benefit of the Doubt, Just Another Word I Never Learned to Pronounce, Merry (Late) Christmas, Compromise

Flug had never intended for this to happen.

Never in a million years had he planned on revealing this part of him to anybody , let alone Black Hat himself. Sadly, it’s not easy to sweep the unfortunate incident of devouring a test subject right in front of him under the rug. Then again, given his boss’s nature of being able to slip into any room unnoticed, perhaps Flug should’ve prepared for such an inevitable possibility.

Oh well. Too little, too late, as some might say. At least Black Hat hadn’t reacted as negatively as Flug thought he might. On the contrary, in fact, Black Hat seemed to find Flug’s otherworldly nature quite amusing. Yet another reaction that his scientist perhaps should’ve expected to some extent.

What he never could’ve expected was the change in attitude, however.

Yes, ever since that day, Black Hat had been treating him differently. It was subtle enough that any bystander likely wouldn’t notice a difference in their relationship. But Flug definitely took notice, especially in how his superior spoke to him.

He was still his usual brash, hostile self, but every once in a while, sprinkled in between whatever myriad of scathing remarks and scoldings Flug would face on any given day (and even those had lessened significantly), Black Hat would sometimes praise him. The first time Flug heard the words “Good work” out of his boss’s mouth, he thought he’d been hallucinating, as that explanation seemed far more likely.

Furthermore, Black Hat continued to surprise Flug by not broadcasting his secret to the rest of the household. He’d been certain that his boss would’ve gotten a kick out of airing his dirty laundry for everyone to see, if only for the sole reason that Flug gravely didn’t want that. Yet, Black Hat held back. Didn’t speak a word about it to 5.0.5. or Demencia. Not that Flug would risk getting too comfortable in that regard, of course. Whatever Black Hat’s motivations may have been, it definitely wasn’t coming out of a place of respect for Flug’s privacy. Knowing his boss, he was probably just waiting for either of their housemates to walk in on him devouring someone so he could indulge in whatever chaos might unfold. Or perhaps there was some other reason that Flug hadn’t considered. He certainly knew better than to try and guess what Black Hat was thinking, regardless.

Not all of the changes in Black Hat’s behavior were so positive, though. For one thing, his unnerving fascination with Flug’s souleater half has led to some rather uncomfortable arrangements. On the one hand, Black Hat providing him with prey saves Flug the trouble of having to sneak around anymore to feed himself, but on the other, his boss had a peculiarly keen interest in watching him eat. That was already bad enough, having to put what Flug had tried so hard to keep hidden all his life on full display like that, but it was made even worse by how handsy Black Hat would sometimes get afterwards.

He had a particular fascination with Flug’s teeth. Whether or not that was out of some twisted sense of humor or out of a genuine curiosity of Flug’s species, the doctor couldn’t tell. All he knew is that it was uncomfortable. Every time those hands crinkled up the edges of that paper bag to expose his bloodied mouth, anxiety spiked within him at the mere thought of his mask being pulled off completely. Luckily for Flug, Black Hat never went that far, for the time being.

“Why do you always do that…?” He had asked once, during one upon too many fang inspections to count.

There was a click of the tongue, Black Hat tilting Flug’s chin whichever way he wanted, as he gave his unconventional answer. “The soul residue intrigues me. Besides, it's the only part of your face I’ve seen thus far. I like to admire it at its bloodiest.” Then he’d flash one of his many shit-eating grins. “Given how long you’ve hidden this from me, I certainly have the right to catch up on what I’ve been missing.”

What could he possibly have been “missing”? He knew Black Hat to enjoy displays of violence the most when they had some heart in them. Flug’s only ever been timid and reluctant in the way that he feeds, unable to understand what entertainment value Black Hat could possibly be getting out of such mediocre murders.

On one particular day, however, the situation differed.

Their domain had fallen under siege by a particularly persistent team of heroes… It would’ve been an all-out attack if Dr. Flug hadn’t activated an emergency forcefield just in time. But for now, all they could do was wait these heroes out until they came up with a proper plan of retaliation. Their anti-hero merchandise was the best there was, of course, but with the sheer amount of opponents waiting outside, the villains were put in a particularly tricky situation.

Black Hat could easily dispose of the problem, Flug knew for a fact. These heroes were mere ants to somebody with his unimaginable power. But, in typical Black Hat fashion, he chose to instead put this job on Flug and Demencia.

While Flug could understand to some extent that such matters were too trivial and boring for his boss to face head-on, he had hoped the demon would’ve made an exception in this case. This situation had cut Flug, Demencia, and 5.0.5. off from the outside world until they could find a way around those heroes, which wouldn’t be a problem if not for the fact that it left Flug without sustenance to keep his monstrous half in check.

Unfortunately for him, Black Hat found more interest in watching how his employees would tackle the problem instead. Because, for him, the slightly-more-interesting route would always be preferred over the easy way out. It’s not like the health of his underlings has ever held priority over his own amusement, so Flug had no right to be surprised. He’d just have to persevere, and he wouldn’t dare complain about his hunger to Black Hat himself. Knowing him, he’d expect Flug to earn his food under these circumstances. The way Black Hat was constantly hanging around the laboratory as he worked further cemented that idea into his mind.

Instead, he threw himself into his work as if that were an adequate distraction. He did everything he could to keep his mind busy, to keep himself distracted from anything that may lead to one of his episodes, but it was so damn hard when these hunger swings can be so unpredictable. One minute, he would be completely fine, but the next…

“Whatcha workin’ on, doc?”

Hunger making him more irritable than usual, the mere sound of Demencia’s voice had been enough to grate on his nerves these past weeks of siege. It was bad enough that his cravings were already slowing him down far too much, he didn’t need Dem’s constant pestering on top of his current inability to focus.

Shaking those concerns out of his head, he was none too kind when he answered her. “Oh, I don’t know, Demencia, maybe a solution to our little problem out there?”

Unfazed by the mockery dripping from his voice, her desire for mischief was left perfectly intact. “Oooo, is it cool? Will it blow ‘em up? Liquidize their insides? Lemme see it!”

She jumped for the flask, and Flug had barely enough reaction time within him to dodge her. “ Stop that! Do you want to get a cloud of knockout gas to the face!?” Flug barked, scrambling to keep his work from falling out of his hands. Once stabilized, he shot her a nasty glare. “Don’t you have anything better to do than bother me?”

“You’re kidding, right?” She deadpanned in response. Dramatically flopping into a nearby chair, Demencia kept up her annoying lamenting. “We’ve been stuck with those dumb heroes outside for like a week, I’m boooored.”

“Well good for you, but since I’m the only one around here that seems willing to fix this damn mess, I need to focus.” Flug snapped at her, voice raising alongside his frustration, “What I don’t need is some brain-dead halfwit breathing stupid questions down my neck the whole time!”

Demencia’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at how intensely he came off. Sure, she could get on his nerves with relative ease, but he usually took it with more grace than that, even at times when he’d sic Hatbots on her. Even Black Hat glanced up from his newspaper upon hearing such unusual hostility growing in Flug, though he reserved comment.

“Ouch,” Demencia remarked, although not especially offended. “Well, sorry Mr. Grumpypants, didn’t realize you were in such a mood today.” She chided him. “You skip your coffee this morning or what?”

Narrowed eyes shot one last dirty look at her before Flug tried to shift his focus back to his concoction at the lab table. Key word being tried , because before he knew it, he was doubling over from pain when his cravings hit him full-force. He was barely able to catch himself against the table, almost knocking over the work he’d previously scolded Demencia for endangering.

Serving up a confused stare, Demencia frowned at him. “Uhh, Flug?”

The ruckus also woke 5.0.5. who’d been sleeping nearby, a worried grunt coming from him as he wandered over to see what was going on.

What Flug had feared all along was now fast approaching. This sort of thing was exactly what Black Hat wanted, wasn’t it? For him to expose himself to the others in as violent a manner as possible? And if so, then where the fuck was he? Flug could’ve sworn he was in the room a second ago, and hell, maybe he was too disoriented to know for sure, but he couldn’t see the demon anywhere.

All he could lock his starving gaze onto was Demencia and 5.0.5., the clueless pair coming foolishly closer to check on him. They’d make easy targets. They were practically offering themselves up on a silver platter. How could Flug possibly refuse the instincts that were screaming at him to eat?

“Okay, Flug, this is weird, even for you.”

For the briefest of moments, he saw his mother, so stupidly drawing nearer in his state of delirium. She should have known better. She made herself too easy of an antidote to his suffering. The exact same mistake that Demencia was making now.

He wished he could tell her to get away. He wanted desperately to warn her of what danger she was in. But he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t stop himself from inching his starving body nearer, itching to dig his teeth into something –

“Demencia, step aside.” Black Hat’s familiar voice ordered from the doorway, yielding immediate compliance from her. With adept swiftness, he strode over to the unhinged doctor and proceeded to drag him away from his coworkers before any damage could be done, exiting the laboratory with Flug in tow, and leaving Demencia and 5.0.5. to their own confusion.

Black Hat dragged him through hallways and corridors, paying no mind to his scientist’s resistance. Flug’s thrashing wasn’t particularly troublesome for Black Hat, although he felt mild surprise to experience a jolt of pain inflicted by Flug’s fangs when they tried to find nourishment in the tendrils that restrained him. Judging from the retching and gagging that followed, Black Hat’s soulless form wasn’t exactly fine dining to him.

They entered a darkened storage room, the only light source coming from a flickering bulb above that fought to stay lit. Within, there laid a hero, injured and bound in place by whatever impromptu restraints Black Hat could find in the moment.

“Eat.” Black Hat ordered as he shoved Flug towards the helpless fool.

As if Flug needed any convincing.

The second he was released from Black Hat’s grip, he lunged for the hero, tearing into him with such ruthless ferocity, ripping flesh out in bloody chunks that were strewn across the room with great fervor. The crackling and snapping of bones that’d dared get in the way of Flug’s relentless fangs was like music to Black Hat’s ears. The only way this could’ve been better was if the hero had remained alive long enough to scream.

Out of breath by the time Flug was through with him, it took almost a full minute for him to regain his composure.

“My my, what a savage display.” Black Hat purred in amusement, drawing nearer to admire the carnage. “You’ve been holding out on me, doctor.”

“W-Wha… Wait, th-this is a hero f-from outs-side, isn’t it…?” Flug queried as he came back to his senses, casting a hesitant glance his boss’s way.

“They make for easy pickings. You looked like you needed something rather immediate.” Black Hat replied, wiping bloodied claws off on his clothes. With a disapproving quirk of the brow, he added, “You could have said something sooner , by the way. It’s not like I knew where your breaking point was.”

Flug couldn’t believe it. Defying all of his expectations, Black Hat actually prevented him from hurting his friends. Not only that, but kept his secret from being exposed. He had been so certain that the eldritch wanted the drama and chaos that would’ve come with him attacking 5.0.5. or Demencia, but now, with every manipulative and cruel assumption Flug had made being tossed out the window, he had no idea what to think anymore. When he next spoke, his voice was but a meek stutter. “Th-Thank you, sir...”

“’ Thank you ’?” Black Hat repeated, a ghostly twitch of annoyance betraying his smile for just a moment. “We have been over this, doctor. Your… gratitude …” That last word was uttered with notable disgust, “… is gravely misplaced. I only—“

He was stunned into silence when Flug unexpectedly clutched his hand. “You stopped me from hurting them.” The scientist spoke more firmly in spite of how his own hands trembled against Black’s. Flug dared not make eye contact, instead staring directly at the floor. “ Thank you. ”

He had almost expected to get lashed out at or shouted at for grabbing Black Hat so suddenly, and when he realized his mistake, he immediately let go… but Black Hat did neither of those things. He just stared, expression completely blank to the point of almost being comical, at where Flug had touched him. That doesn’t happen. People don’t touch him. He touches people. On his terms.

After the initial confusion wore off, his cold and calculative eyes pierced right through Flug. “… Well.” He finally spoke, his voice flat and rigid, “You can thank me by getting rid of those pests outside.”

With that, the demon took his leave. Flug watched him go, blinking slowly as he tried to process what just happened…

… No. He can think about this later. For now, he had an order to carry out.

After cleaning himself up and changing out of his bloodsoaked clothes, Flug returned to the lab with newfound energy and determination. He threw himself at his experiment with ultimate focus, not allowing Demencia or even Black Hat’s presence distract him, despite how intently the latter was watching him.

Flug completed the substance within the hour, and it did not disappoint. Everything went according to plan. Firing the gas bomb at their intruders did the trick, knocking them out just long enough for Demencia to dispose of them without a single issue.

When all was said and done, Black Hat approached the doctor from behind as he disarmed the forcefield, causing him to jump in surprise when the demon patted his shoulder. “Well done, doctor.” He said simply before walking off.

All Flug could do was stare as he left, completely befuddled.

He had always craved Black Hat’s praise, but now that he’d been getting it, it felt beyond impossible to get used to.

The strange behavior, the way he kept lingering about the lab for no discernable reason other than to watch him, how he’d been keeping Flug’s diet in check, it was all just so… bizarre. Flug racked his brain day in and day out trying to solve this mystery, but nothing ever felt like it made sense. It couldn’t be coming from a place of respect, as he knew Black Hat was incapable of respecting him. He doubted it was coming from a place of any sort of concern, as nothing about their routine had actually changed. If anything, Flug was more healthy than usual these days due to Black Hat’s assistance in keeping him properly fed.

Perhaps it was something more akin to keeping a pet. Of course, that must be it. Black Hat likely had him lumped in the same category as Lil Jack these days, just a pet to feed and maintain.

While that dehumanizing assumption made the most sense so far, Flug still couldn’t be sure…

One day, curiosity finally got the better of him. He knew he should know better than to question Black Hat, but he just couldn’t help himself this time.

It was on another day that, as was becoming usual, Black Hat had joined him in the laboratory, overseeing his work from a distance. Flug couldn’t actually be sure how much Black Hat was actually paying attention to the invention he was building, but he worked as diligently as he could under his boss’s silent supervision all the same.

A handray of sorts laid in pieces on the table while the doctor fiddled a screwdriver inside the mechanism. Black Hat had taken to leaning against the wall by the door, not a word spoken by him this whole time.

Flug nervously glanced back at him for a moment, quickly averting his eyes back to the device when he was caught staring. Finally, he forced himself to say it. “… Y-You’ve been… a-acting strangely since you first saw me feed, sir…”

“Strangely?” Black Hat’s cold voice repeated, examining his claws without a care in the world. “What are you implying?”

That ice, that frosty and bitter manner in which his boss spoke, had always rattled Flug’s nerves. It was almost enough to discourage him entirely from completing his train of thought, but he knew that would likely annoy Black Hat even more. He put his screwdriver down, turning to face the demon. “W-w-well, it’s, u-um… er…”

“Out with it, doctor.” Black Hat snapped impatiently. He cast the other man a challenging stare, as though daring him to say something he’ll regret.

At this, Flug hesitated. A lump had started forming in his throat, preventing him from speaking. Black Hat’s glare was definitely making the doctor have second thoughts about saying anything at all. Swallowing hard, he forced himself to speak through his discomfort. “Y-You’ve been treating me differently.”

Black Hat’s visible eye slowly narrowed, but he decided to amuse his doctor. “Oh really? How so?” He said in a sort of sarcastic, dry tone, taking a step forward.

No backing down now. Straightening his back, Flug tried very hard not to flinch away at his boss’s advances. “Well…” He began, fiddling with his hands, “You’ve been, um… H-How do I put this… nicer …?”

That was a big mistake the moment he said it, Flug’s eyes going wide once he realized his mistake far too late. Rage flashed across Black Hat’s face, the demon’s familiar growl ringing through Flug’s ears as he came closer. Flinching back and shielding his face with an arm, Flug almost fell over the table behind him as he tried to back away. “W-W-Wait, I didn’t m-mean it like tha–!” He cut himself off with a fearful yelp as Black Hat yanked him forward by the neck of his shirt, his threatening form towering over the doctor.

“How did you mean it , then?” Black Hat snarled, voice dripping with a biting venom.

“Y-You’ve been acting like you think I have more worth now!” Flug squeaked, hiding his face behind his arms with eyes squeezed shut, a clear exasperation lingering among the fear in his words. “Like because I’m half monster, that changes things!”

Expecting to get pummeled in the next few seconds, it was to Flug’s great surprise that Black Hat let him go. Risking a timid peek at his boss, his jaw almost dropped. Why was he laughing all of a sudden?

“Of course it changes things!” Blackhat grinned, as though it were ridiculous for Flug to suggest otherwise. For some reason, that prickled at Flug’s nerves. “Now that I’ve seen what you are– ”

“What I am doesn’t change anything! I’m still the same Flug I’ve always been!”

In a moment of surprise, Black Hat’s grin faltered. He’d never heard Flug take such a tone with him before, nor had he seen that particular look of frustration, dressed with hints of defiance, within Flug’s eyes.

“Have you been basing my value on species this whole time?” The scientist went on, irritation building, “What, I’m suddenly worth more to you just because I’m less human? Is that why you haven’t been kicking me around as much? Are you seriously that shallow?” With a scoff, Flug looked away, brows furrowed in anger. “If my being a human really disgusted you that much, I don’t get why you haven’t just replaced me with someone more your style.”

There was a tense moment of silence between them, although the tension was likely only on Flug’s side. Eventually, Black Hat spoke again.

“I believe that’s the first time you’ve dared to raise your voice at me, doctor.”

… Wait…

Shit.

“I’m sorry…!” He squeaked in fear, cringing away from Black Hat in anticipation of being struck. Realization of how badly he screwed up hit him like a semi truck, and he scrambled over his words trying to do damage control in whatever way he could. “I-I don’t know w-what c-came over me! I-I’m v- very sorry, sir…!”

No violence came his way, however. Instead, Black Hat eyed him with what Flug could only describe as intrigue. His head tilted a smidge to the side, not unlike that of a curious animal. When he next spoke, it was with a kind of guileless tone completely foreign to Flug’s ears. “I have always valued you, Flug.”

A disbelieving snort escaped Flug before he had the chance to stop it, slapping a hand over his mouth the second such a disrespectful noise had come out. How or why Black Hat hadn’t lashed out at him yet, Flug had no idea.

“You think I would have hired some annoying, sniveling little human if you weren’t of significant value to me? I know you’re smarter than that, doctor.” He drew closer, much to Flug’s discomfort. “In spite of what a pitiful sight you made, it was your intelligence that’d far made up for that. Your intelligence, your dedication, your perseverance, I have seen it all. From the day I met you, I knew your talents were exceptional.”

Baffled by such claims, Flug could do nothing more than stare in disbelief as his boss spoke.

“You impressed me that day, Dr. Flug. I can count on one hand the number of humans that’ve accomplished such a feat.” He went on, circling Flug to admire the work he had laid out on the table. “Humans are one of the most irritating and pathetic species I’ve ever come across in all my years. To have ended up relying on one for the sake of my business has been no less than a major frustration to me. Without you, who the hell do you think would be making all of our products?”

“I-I-” Flug started to speak, but was quickly silenced by the raise of Black Hat’s hand. Clearly, he had more to say.

“In a way, you’re not wrong. It does please me knowing that you’re not entirely human. You are something better. But, you’ve always been better than other humans in my eyes.” When he next turned to face Flug, it was with a narrow-eyed stare on his face. “So, don’t you dare suggest that I haven’t valued you until now. If that were true, I’d have left you dead in that alley all those years ago.”

At that moment, Flug had been rendered speechless. This was the first time Black Hat’s ever verbalized any sort of appreciation for Flug’s work, especially in such a direct manner. He almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing, tempted to reach out and poke the eldritch to make sure it was actually him and not some sort of caffeine hallucination.

Instead, he averted his eyes. As comforting as that was to hear, it didn’t change the main problem.

“You don’t treat your valuables very well, then.” Flug’s hesitant voice spoke up.

With a boisterous laugh, Blackhat twirled his cane idly. “So what? That’s of no consequence to me.”

“You seem to forget that I’m breakable, sir. It is a consequence if I decide to leave.” If he really is as valuable as Black Hat says... Looking away, he muttered under his breath, “It’s definitely something I’ve considered.”

That came as no surprise to Black Hat. He’s seen the collection of house and apartment ads the doctor’s compiled and occasionally glanced through when his boss’s temper was especially testy. But surely he’d never actually go through with leaving. Not after all the work he put in to get here. It would be absurd.

Not paying the comment much mind, Black Hat decided he was done with this conversation and headed for the door. “Get that ray done. We start filming in two hours.”

Such dismissive behavior was what Flug was used to letting roll off his back. But, this time, it felt like it didn’t matter at all compared to the other things his boss had said.

It was beyond reassuring to know that Black Hat found him important for what really mattered. There had been many a day where Flug had wondered if all of his efforts were actually counting for anything, in that regard.

Now, he won’t have to wonder.

Something new to wonder about, however, was why this conversation had left him feeling so flustered …

Their uncharacteristically genuine conversation didn’t mean everything was sunshine and daisies, of course. After all, This is the house of evil. Can’t expect much else. What Flug was used to was being yelled at. Though there was one recent incident in particular that had been… strange.

As usual, Black Hat was eager to advertise anti-hero merchandise to their viewers. The demon rarely ever began recording early without first informing Flug, but today was, unfortunately, one of those days. He already had Cam-bot recording before Flug was even in the room. It’s not like he needed Flug there, anyways, so he just went ahead and started without him. The product seemed simple enough, some kind of fireball launcher of sorts.

Black Hat was well into the presentation by the time Flug had gotten there. The doctor had appeared somewhat rushed, and was carrying with him a toolbox.

His eyes widened with terror when he entered the room to see his boss already wielding the product.

“… and with just the click of a button, your local hero will be enveloped in a Hellish blaze!” Black Hat took aim at a target across the room.

“Sir, no!” Flug shouted, darting towards him, “There’s a chemical imbalance that still needs to be–!”

Too late.

There was a flash, then a blast of intense heat as the weapon backfired. Cam-bot went toppling over sideways, making a series of distressed beeping noises, and Black Hat let out a startled snarl as his arm was blown clean off. That wasn’t too much of a concern, however, as a stream of inky black energy quickly formed a new one.

He wheeled around, eyes blazing with rage as he faced the now-shivering Flug. “You IDIOT!!!” He roared, storming over to the scientist and roughly gripping his arm. “Is your job to have our products ready in time or IS IT NOT!?”

“I-I-I’m sorry….!” Flug yelped, cowering. “I-I thought I h-had more time…! I just needed to make one minor adjustmen–” He cut himself off with a pained outcry as Black Hat’s grip tightened, near threatening to break his arm.

“I don’t want to hear EXCUSES, YOU BLOODY– You…” Black Hat trailed off, a whisper of that recent conversation with the doctor echoing in his head.

You don’t treat your valuables very well.

You seem to forget that I’m breakable.

Staring over the terrified doctor now, the way he immediately expected the worst, something felt… off. Black Hat was the one that decided to start early and without Flug’s knowledge… but that still shouldn’t excuse not having it ready before the deadline, so–!

“Sir…?” Flug’s voice, tiny and horrified as it may have been, managed to shake Black Hat out of his thoughts. Fearful eyes gazed up at him with a hint of confusion on top of the pain. Very slowly, Black Hat loosened his grip, then let go altogether and took a step back.

Flug stepped back as well at the first chance he got, gripping his hurt arm close to himself. He gave a puzzled frown. “S-Sir…. are you…. alright….?”

… How could he be asking that? It seemed so… backwards.

… It doesn’t matter.

“Get this mess cleaned up…” Black Hat finally said, his voice unusually low, “… and fix that infernal Cam-bot…”

Then, he was gone before Flug could even reply.

Watching the door close behind his boss, Flug winced as he rubbed his arm. Sighing, he picked up the dropped toolbox and turned to Cam-bot. “Let’s get you cleaned up, then…”

A flood of blood trickled down the now-lifeless body and onto the floor, Flug’s shaking arm wiping away what dribbled from his chin. With a chunk of neck completely missing from the corpse on the operation table in front of him, it was leaving quite the mess. The doctor tentatively reached up to pull his paper bag back down and cover his mouth, but Black Hat’s cane pulled his arm away before he could. Flug squirmed slightly beneath his boss’s touch as he lifted his chin , discomfort setting in him, but Black Hat paid that no mind.

A gloved thumb lightly grazing across the edge of Flug’s fangs, Black Hat’s expression was oddly monotone today. “… So, tell me.” He said suddenly. “If I’m so unbearable to live with, why do you stick around?”

“S-Sir….?” Flug responded, caught off guard by the question.

“You’re not being forced to stay here.” The eldritch went on. “You said yourself that you’ve considered leaving. Many other villains would be glad to take you. So why do you stay?”

Flug was quiet for a long moment, considering what he should say. Truly, there was only one right answer. “… B-Because the other villains aren’t you.”

At that, Black Hat paused, a twitch of surprise on his features for a second. Then, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Elaborate.”

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Flug started to fiddle with the sleeves of his labcoat. “W-W-Well, um… I-I mean, you’re… successful, c-confident, accomplished…” Oh gosh, why did he have to be listing off things he admires about his boss while they were in this position? Hardly any distance between them, and Black Hat leaned in closer with every word! Swallowing again, he tried not to get too flustered as he continued, “I-It’s just… well, you’re Black Hat. You’re one of a k-kind, the best there is. I don’t– I-I refuse to settle for less than the best.” Sheepishly, he looked to the ground, voice quieting. “You’re everything I’m not.”

Silent for quite some time, Black Hat found he was only able to give Flug a dumbfounded stare. The demon’s never had a tendency for modesty, for Flug to be so upfront about both his admirations and insecurities felt strange as can be. It was a combination that Flug likely never would’ve spoken aloud if left unprompted. Then, a smile began to form on Black Hat’s face. “Well, aren’t you the little ego-booster.” He purred, chuckling. “Although…” Stepping back and rubbing his chin in thought, Black Hat tilted his head and looked Flug up and down. “For one thing, if it’s something like confidence you’re wanting improvements on, you really shouldn’t spend your time hiding underneath that paper bag.”

Flinching back, Flug subconsciously ran his fingers across the edge of the bag. “N-N-No. I-I need it.”

“… Tsk. Fine, then. But still, I am curious…” Taking a step forward again, Black Hat brushed at the paper bag with his fingers. Flug jolted back before he could get a proper grip, almost tumbling over the body table in the process. Black Hat simply reached out with his cane, hooked it around Flug’s neck, and yanked him forward. With the other hand, he reached for the bag again.

“No!” In a panic, the trembling scientist grabbed his arm with both hands in an attempt to stop him, eyes squeezed shut.

Surprisingly, Black Hat did stop.

Flug hesitantly opened one eye to evaluate the situation. Black Hat was staring at where Flug had gripped him, same dumbfounded expression on his face as from the last time Flug touched him.

Slowly letting go, hoping that he wouldn’t try to remove the bag again, Flug frowned. “… U-Um… sir… I-If you don’t mind my asking…. W-Why is it you look so… bewildered … when I do that…?”

“Hmph,” Black Hat pulled his arm back after being let go, absentmindedly rubbing the spot he had been grabbed. He tried to cover up the bewilderment with a sly smile. “Maybe because the only time people ever dare to touch me is when we’re fighting or having sex. Why else?”

…. Flug chose to ignore that second part. His frown deepened, a touch of his own bewilderment setting in. “… So you’ve… never been, like… just… casually or platonically touched…?”

Black Hat took a moment to think about it, looking off to the side. He couldn’t recall any instances of such a thing, aside from maybe shaking hands with clients, if that were to count? But those were more like business obligations rather than anything casual or platonic. “Hmm… No, never.” He eventually concluded. His eyes narrowed just slightly when they pulled back towards Flug. “Well, unless we count you.”

Normally Flug might’ve winced away in response to the slow return of hostility in Black Hat, but he was just… too flabbergasted. The concept of going through life without that ever happening seemed so farfetched for some reason, but he supposed if you’re a guy like Black Hat, maybe it’s plausible…..?

After a long moment’s thought, he hesitantly reached out a hand, pausing near Black Hat’s right shoulder as he examined his boss’s face for permission.

Black Hat’s eyes further narrowed with skepticism at the gesture, but he made no protest. So, Flug continued. His skeptical gaze followed Flug’s hand all the way until it had made contact with his shoulder.

It was strange, how all the malice slowly drained from his boss’s face upon contact. The look in his eyes was no longer one of hostility, but rather, curiosity. Perhaps a touch of confusion, but mostly a genuine sort of curiosity that was, in a way, almost innocent-looking. It was a rather strange expression on him, Flug finding himself unable to look away until Black Hat’s questioning pupils darted to Flug’s own face, wondering why he had gone so still.

Quickly averting his eyes, Flug went back to what he was doing. Very slowly, he ran his hand down the demon’s arm, as if he were simply smoothing out the fabric of his sleeve. Gentle, yet so impactful. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could’ve sworn he felt the slightest shiver from his boss as he had done so. Another sneaking glance to Black Hat’s face confirmed that he was just as confused as Flug was about the whole thing.

Slowly still, Flug raised his other hand to meet Black Hat’s chest, just letting it rest there for a while. Then, as if snapped out of a trance, Flug realized all at once how weird this must be getting and jolted backwards, the sudden movement even startling Black Hat a tiny bit.

“I-I… um… s-sorry, sir…” There Flug was, getting all flustered again. Why the hell did these strange interactions with his boss keep stirring up such confusing butterflies in the pit of his stomach?

Black Hat raised an eyebrow slightly, but other than that, his expression remained vaguely passive. He ran his own fingers along where Flug had touched him, quiet for some time. Then, his familiar smile crept back along his face as he looked back towards the doctor. “Seems only fair that I’d get to look beneath that bag of yours now, doesn’t it?”

Crap. Flug was hoping he’d forgotten about that. His gaze fell to the floor, accepting defeat with a very hesitant nod. “I-I-I s-sup-ppose so, s-sir…” He stammered, anxiety quickly on the rise.

A victorious purr rumbled in Black Hat’s throat, and he closed the space between himself and his scientist. Hands once again meeting the bottom of Flug’s paper bag, he took unusual care in how he lifted both the bag and goggles off of his face. As soon as those harsh white lights from the room’s fluorescent bulbs hit Flug’s eyes, a sharp yelp left his throat, and he threw his face in his hands to hide.

“Seriously, Flug?” Black Hat deadpanned, unimpressed.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry. It’s t-too b-bright.” He stuttered, unable to stop trembling.

There was a moment of silence before Flug heard his boss’s voice again. “Open your eyes, doctor.”

Already feeling dizzy and anxious without the comfort of his bag, the thought of being made to endure such harsh lights on top of that was too overwhelming to handle. But the thought of angering Black Hat frightened him even more. So, he fought back every instinct that screamed at him to protect his eyes, stifled whatever stressful noises tried to escape him, and lowered his hands.

To Flug’s surprise, rather than the headache-inducing brightness he was expecting, he was greeted with a well-dimmed room, black smoke swirling above them to significantly dull the lights. No doubt compliments of Black Hat.

View of his scientist no longer obstructed, the wide-grinning demon took hold of Flug’s chin, lifting his head to get a better look. He could feel the halfling swallow nervously, but was too focused on taking in his appearance to notice or comment. Honestly, Flug looked like any normal human being if you looked past the eyes and teeth.

But Black Hat didn’t. He was especially focused on those eyes, this being the first time he’s ever actually seen them goggle-free.

Flug’s eyes were without a doubt attention-grabbing. Where a human’s eyes would normally be white, Flug’s were an abyss of pitch-black, glowing white pupils being the only contrast to exist within.

“Captivating…” Black Hat commented under his breath. While the comment was not specifically addressed for Flug, he certainly reacted to it, feeling an intense heat rise to his cheeks. His boss definitely took notice of that, smirk widening in response.

Embarrassed and feeling like he was going to pass out, Flug quickly grasped for his bag and pulled away from Black Hat, struggling to pull it over his head again through short and shaky breaths.

Evidently, having the bag and goggles was a comfort thing as well as an eye protection thing.

Satisfied, Black Hat gave a firm nod and turned for the door, smoke dissipating with a snap of his fingers. “Clean up your mess and get back to work.” He ordered as he left.

Flug had to take a moment to regain himself, doing everything he could to calm his nerves. With the combination of deep breaths and counting numbers in his head to refocus, the doctor slowly but surely found his composure again.

That was… quite the experience… Almost surreal ….

Placing a hand on the side of his head in confusion, Flug shook it off and went to take care of the body. The entire experience didn’t stop running through his head the whole while.

There were no words Flug had that could describe how their altered relationship had continued to shift and morph since then.

Flug first noticed it with the way Black Hat’s eyes studied him, bore through him right to the bone and stripped his soul bare. There lived no mordacity or annoyance behind his constant gazes, which was unnervingly strange in and of itself. Worse was that Flug couldn’t tell what Black Hat was looking at him with. Was it condescension? It didn’t feel like something that negative... Maybe… curiosity? Interest? But interest in what? No matter what explanation his mind tried to present, Flug knew there was something he had to be missing. Something he wasn’t seeing.

The mystery was only made harder to solve by the way Black Hat would touch him. In the past, the only form of physical contact they’d ever shared was aggressive in nature, as Black Hat had a nasty habit of manhandling anybody nearby in his moments of explosive rage. As such, it was hard not to flinch when the demon would put his hands on him. But, especially after that unusual encounter they’d had, his touches have become shockingly gentle.

What were once brief pats on the back became lingering touches, claws tracing temperate lines along his meek frame, a hand resting on his shoulder just a bit too long… He’d also just stand far closer than usual whenever they were going over work projects together. Flug thought for a moment that perhaps all this time spent around Black Hat’s eldritch presence was finally driving him insane, but there was no way that he could be imagining these things. Out of all things for his mind to try and play tricks with, why something like this?

Furthermore, as someone who’s always enjoyed his alone time, Flug simply couldn’t wrap his head around why Black Hat kept joining him in the lab for the most benign of times. Even today, all he was doing was reading a newspaper with his morning acid, something he usually did in the comfort of his own office.

Occasional glances in his boss’s direction yielded the same results, those strange stares that made Flug feel so vulnerable being aimed back at him every now and then. He tried to focus on his work, to throw himself into his invention to distract from the outside world as usual, but his rattled nerves simply refused to let him do that today.

The next time he found his boss staring, Flug put down his tools, confronting the issue with a meek question.

“A-Are you ups-set with me?”

A glimmer of curiosity passed through Black Hat’s eyes. He put his newspaper down, that unnerving gaze completely honed in on his scientist. “What makes you think I’m upset with you?”

“W-Well, it’s… uh… I-I don’t kn-know, you’ve just b-been kind of…” Flinching slightly as Black Hat rose from his seat to approach him, Flug greatly struggled to finish that thought, looking all around the lab to avoid any sort of eye contact. “Y-y-you’ve b-been s-st- staring a l-lot lately, a-a-and, um–” He backed up as his boss got closer, just barely catching himself when he knocked into the table behind him, “A-and th-the t- touching … I-I just d-don’t u-und-derstand w-what–”

Flug’s stuttering was cut short when Black Hat took the side of his face into his hand, turning the scientist’s head to make their eyes meet.

“Tell me, doctor,” Black Hat purred, “Do I look upset to you?”

“N-n-no…?” Flug squeaked in response.

“There is your answer.” His head lolled to the side, studying Flug far too closely for comfort. His hand slinked down from Flug's face, the doctor withdrawing a sharp breath as deadly claws traced along his neck before finding its new resting place on his shoulder. “Does it bother you when I touch you?”

“W-Would it m-mat-tter if it d-did…?”

The way Black Hat narrowed his eyes at him, the hints of an annoyed frown starting to tug at his lips, quickly startled Flug into correcting his behavior. He straightened his back, answering the question directly this time. “N-no sir, it’s n-no bother.”

Just like that, Black Hat seemed to relax again. “Good.” He pulled his hand away, returning to the couch to pick up his newspaper. “You look like you’re having trouble focusing, so I suppose I’ll leave you to it for now.”

And, just like that, he was gone.

That… did not answer any of Flug’s questions.

Honestly, it was likely in Flug’s better judgment to stop questioning these changes in behavior to Black Hat’s face. Confusing as their new dynamic may have been, at least it was better than getting thrown around like a ragdoll on a near-daily basis.

That wasn’t the way Black Hat saw it, however.

The way Black Hat saw it, all of this peculiar behavior had been a simple case of testing the waters. Unfortunately, his next move would be one Flug could’ve never prepared for.

Aaaand here’s where things get a little tumblr-unsafe, so to the AO3 void you go! (Please heed the warning tags over there)

#villainos #villainous #paperhat #black hat #flug #demencia #505 #now watch as this has like 20 mistakes i missed LMAO

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professorspork · 8 months ago

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director's commentary sdau emerald scene

You know, I really should have seen this coming but I didn't.

Let's put it under a cut bc moderate spice and considerable length:

This scene went through more iterations and re-writes than the vast majority of its brethren.

I dug around in our chat history to find the exact moment we generated the idea, because this one wouldn't have happened without you. and you know what I learned?

it dates to mid-January 2023, which is literally before I started posting newsbees. this idea is OLD. it is some of the EARLIEST MATERIAL of sdau.

I told you I was reading this for fic research in the middle of an unrelated discussion about Emerald; you then joked that all you could think about was Emerald at the sex club giving vytal fic vibes, just bored out of her skull while people throw themselves at her, and I said I hadn't come up with a role for her yet.

you: emerald would try to go to the sex club after getting out of a toxic relationship the way blake did and then she'd be there for 15 minutes and nope the fuck out and run away me: which, actually-- she could be one of blake's one-off partners where after about 5 minutes blake's like "you are allowed to leave we really don't have to do this" and em's like OHTHANKGOD

I briefly considered a much crueler idea in which Blake witnessed Emerald and Cinder doing a scene together, but we quickly agreed that the original idea was the better one.

I haven't been able to find chat history about it, so I'm moderately certain that I didn't tell you about the fact that I'd decided to read poor Emerald for filth and give her the Mommy kink until I started showing you the scene in its original incarnation, in mid-July of 2023 (which has the benefit of showing just how long this project has taken me, lmao).

me: emerald. sweetheart. when you say mommy kink most people assume that means you wanna be coddled and not that you want to be negged. just. just saying me: emerald do you know what mothers are me: emerald

That first version of the scene differed in several keys ways from the final product, but the most crucial of those was that in the first go-around, Blake actually agreed to give Emerald her number. Em asked for it, and Blake said "Sure, I'd like that," and then the scene ended.

I sat on that for *checks time stamps* approximately 29 hours before I broke the news to you that, upon reflection, I didn't buy it; I just couldn't believe that Blake would be in a healthy enough place mentally to do that. the better and more accurate thing for the story would be for Blake to chicken out and then regret it, because she couldn't be for Em what Sun had been for her.

you: oh no why are you doing that it makes me sad me: because if blake is in a cool enough place to do that with em her actually exchanging numbers with yang doesn't hit as hard you: but now I'm so sad me: i mean it's still ME i'm sure i'll find a way for her to encounter em again before the end

(hmmm. Did I do that in the end? I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND FIND OUT, DEAR READERS.)

from there, once I'd figured out what the scene was truly for, it was still a lot of effort and tweaking before I got it to read how I wanted to: threading the simultaneous needles of being lowkey arousing but also inarguably unsettling from the jump, so that you're seeing those red flags but maybe, like Blake, thinking they can be overcome until it's very obvious they Can't. I struggled with how to frame it so that it came through that Blake was being... mmm, let's say reckless without crossing the line into Blake being irresponsible, and I wasn't happy with my first stabs at it. in the very first draft, after Em says says she doesn't want to discuss her burn scar and adds "There, that's a boundary, since you wanted one so bad," the prose goes 'There is absolutely no way they are fucking at this point, given Emerald's attitude, and… Blake doesn't know why she stays.'

Which: why would I tell the reader that? It's way too on the nose, and drains the scene of all tension! it also made the spanking moment read as overtly didactic in a way that I didn't like and hadn't intended, so. I tried to drill down into what I thought it was about.

adding the flashback moments to Blake's encounter with Trifa helped considerably; that wasn't in the first draft at all, though the fact that she'd had that encounter was already canon. taking a look at it again, I realized weaving those two together was an opportunity to show why Blake "lets" Emerald make this mistake and indulges her, because it's the same thing Blake went through and she understands it. massaging the tempo and timbre of my vocab took some doing so Blake wasn't in full-on panic attack mode and thus making it all seem WORSE than it already was.

and the final thing I changed was just... twisting that knife more and adding to their rapport. the original draft was brief; it went right from Emerald giving the Cinder backstory to Blake being like "congrats on past tense" and then it was the phone number ask. it was important to me to elaborate on why these two had chemistry, on how they were parallel, and on just how much they liked each other and vibed-- on just how much of an opportunity Blake was missing out on. so Blake laughing more at Em's jokes, and getting the Mercury context, that all came later.

in total, I think this scene had like five or six discrete iterations before reaching its final form.

#sdau #fic what i wrote

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deesi-academia · 6 months ago

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hey, I saw the anti swiftie post. If you're comfortable mag I know the reason why? I am kinda neutral about her but I feel like I should know stuff. I understand if you don't wanna answer this. Take care <3

(also I agree the swiftie fandom is kinda annoying lmao)

hello old old old anon ask I'm so sorry for replying so late but yeah hi 😭

I have tons of time on my hands for the next.... 30 minutes so let's get into it. I'll list a time line of my thought process to how I came to the 'ex-swiftie' conclusion:

1. She released a song called "renegade" which is good, but I found some lines problematic and unexpected, because I used to hold swift to a pedestal (guilty as charged).

The lines were 'is it insensitive of me to say get your shit together so I can love you' and 'is it really your anxiety stopping {something love something idk} or do you just not want to?' SOOOOO yeah these thew me off a little.

2. Her album Midnights came out which I ADORED, became my fav so quick. But then her multiple variations of vinyls etc threw me off again. This is when the Bad Feeling About Her started setting in.

3. Then she released the song 'You're losing me' which just BLARED red flags to me even though the song is actually good. It's the first time I think, where she hinted that she broke up with her bf (Joe Alwyn) because of his mental illness.

4. The ongoing carbon emissions controversy lol, and her buying carbon credits... like it just felt like a "hah I'm rich so I can do whatever wrongs i want and buy it out" moment. I really hated that, since I live in a pretty polluted city so it hit close to home.

5. She threatened to sue the teenager who published PUBLIC data about her flights. Bad.

6. The entire free palestine movement gained momentum and she stayed silent. She has her image as the American Princess and Activist Who Can Do No Wrong. Feminist Queen. Speaker For Those Who Can't Speak. Yada Yada.

I simply hated her billionaire self as she chose to stay silent (and still is). To call off the criticism she and her bestie Selena went to a live comedy show where the comedian donated his earnings for Gaza relief. LIKE. ??????? Basic billionaire below underground level of "donation"???? This had to be a joke. It was not.

I think this incident was the final straw for me where I realized I can't support her if she's such a human being. That's not what my morals stand for thank you very much.

7. I REALLY tried to separate the art from the artist but I couldn't. Not with my sane mind and strong ethics. AND THEN the entire Matty healy debacle. He's a misogynistic, racist, zionist, ugh of a person.

I don't think anyone can date someone with such drastic opposing values. So the Taylor-Matty era further tarnished her image in front of me.

8. Fast forward and she releases her new album The Tortured Poets Department. That's it this was my final straw. You can just Google and go on a reddit thread about how problematic this album is. I'll probably write a long ass essay on it. Anyway this is where I decided I'm done, back in April.

Since then I've just been trying to cope with losing my fav artist because of the person she turned out to me. And people say we shouldn't hold celebs to such high standards but bro. Taylor PROMOTES parasocial relationships. SHE held her image to that standard until recently. There's an entire documentary on Netflix about that - Miss Americana.

So yeah she let me down from the pedestal she put herself on. It's been 2+ months and I'm still coping, because I genuinely lost a very important part of my life - her music. It has got me through tough times and I have many good memories associated with those songs.

Anyway, here's to new artists to love ONLY for their music lol 🥂

#this got so long sorry but im covering other anon asks through this answer hehe #ex swiftie #swifties dni #asks #dee #answers

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wearethekingdom · 2 months ago

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Psssstttt, Caseeeeyyyyyyy! F1 sounds so epic im ngl and i wanna hear more about it, pleaseeeee Infodump to meeee! (if you want to ofc :3)

(sorry this took me so long to answer 😭)

OMG PHIN YES YOUVE MADE MY WEEK THANK YOU

okk I'm just gonna write it here so I can make it into a post with pictures if that's okay :3

So before I begin with my rant about the last race I have to give an honourable mention of my 2 favourite drivers ever Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri because I won't be bringing them up later but I refuse to leave them out because they're my fave drivers so I have to (lando on the left oscar on the right! And no lando is unfortunately not named after the star wars character ☹️)

ANYWAY LAST RACE on Sunday. Every race day is on a Sunday btw..

So this race didn't exactly go how I hoped it would but its okay because no matter who wins I'm happy for them because I'm incapable of hating any of the drivers for some reason?

IDK IF YOU KNOW HOW GRID POSITIONS WORK... but basically there's 20 drivers and they all line up behind the starting line 2 behind 2 if that makes sense? (There's an event on Saturday to decide who starts where it's not randomised haha) so my boy lando was starting up front erm. He did not stay there he ended up in 6th which is not very good for him, he's 2nd to be world champion right now so he usually ends up top 3 but umm not this time

It was a very wet race, I don't think it rained but there was insane rainfall the days before and the track was practically flooded

So much happend, so many drivers crashed (they're all okay!) Including my fave rookie (new driver) Franco Colapinto

Which sucks cuz he's been doing realllyyyy well lately

So who won?? Max Verstappen, you've probably heard his name, you've probably seen the "tu dududu max verstappen" meme (that's how I got into f1 btw lmao) max hasn't won a race since before the summer break over 100 days!! Last year Max won evert single race except 3 of them and 2 of those were his teammate checo perez

Then in 3rd and 2nd place we had one of the worse performers teams this year. How did they even end up there? Basically someone crashed and there was a yellow flag (or red I can't remember.. ) when this happens all the drivers have to stop overtaking eachother and drive one behind the other in their formation so no crashes happen if the car that crashed causing the yellow/red flag is on the track or there's parts on the track

Drivers can go for a pitstop to change tyres while this happens, everyone went to change their tyres except max, esteban and pierre (those last 2 being the team worse performing)

Esteban was in first but once the yellow flag ended max quickly overtook him, in the end max came first, esteban second and pierre third

This was a big deal for alpine (esteban and pierres team) estie and pierre had been known to be childhood buddies that had grown to hate eachother, something about an accidental love triangle and old karting championships as kids that lead to them hating eachother, they both were French kids trying to achieve their dreams and while this is true this podium changed something for them. I've never seen them so happy, for a long time Estie wouldn't even look at pierre, wouldn't talk to him but after this podium? They were like kids again

This shocked a lot of people because well their history and also cuz so many people think estie is a bad person and like he's a little dumb sometimes but he's not a bad person that's really far out, at the end of the day he's silly and he's estie bestie

Max also ate this up cuz he was happy to be winning again and I'm happy to see him on that top step again

So all and all it was a good race really and I loved seeing my alpine boys happy again

Thank you for reading if you have any questions let me know and sorry if it's confusing f1 is exactly that 😭

#AGAIN THANKS FOR LETTING ME CHIT CHAT AVOUT THIS #🎃

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coffeeallaloneandlord · 5 months ago

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got out my laptop to write a vent post like it's 2014 idk i'm just like ruminating on every breakup i've ever had and realizing after 15 years of trying to fit the role of girlfriend that is really just not for me lol! like i really thought i was on that path but if there's been any theme to my life so far it's that my path is not straightfoward like i transferred high schools i transferred colleges i moved to a new state without knowing anybody lost my housing immediately in a pandemic and still made it fucking work now i manage a restaurant which i could have NEVER seen myself doing 4 years ago even tho i always wanted to. the first most significant relationship i had when i was 18/19 was with a really genuinely great guy, i broke up with him because i knew somehow that i was too young and had a lot more to experience. it sucked because i loved him deeply and still did for years afterwards to a painful degree lmao. that colored a lot of my subsequent relationships thru college and beyond, which mostly: sucked. and they sucked because they all paled in comparison to the great relationship i had given up in order to have the freedom to have shitty relationships lol. so then i had some shitty relationships, interspersed with periods of girlbossing, then when i was 26 i started dating someone (long distance that i met thru a friend) who was really a perfect match for me in so many ways and i genuinely thought like this is it. literally had king of my heart on the relationship playlist, baby all at once this is enough. but then over time the realities of what it would take to really build that relationship, especially if it meant marriage, actually sank in for me and all that i would have to give up about myself, the life that i've built here, that i fought so hard to build. also i've said it before and i'll say it again.... this grown man let his mother do his laundry. this red flag represented more family dynamics that i won't get into for his sake but it was like once the puzzle pieces fell into place about what i was being asked to sign up for re commitment and marriage it was like omfg no. i will not be doing this man's laundry in 5 years' time fuming and resentful. so i ended that relationship which sucked because all my breakups SUCK i can never have a half decent breakup to save my fucking life, but i was still of the mindset that he wasn't the one for me and i needed to keep looking/waiting. i've dated here and there since then. but what took months and months to sink in the aftermath of that breakup was that the little details like the laundry and the distance that caused that breakup and not the underlying cause of all my breakups since i was 16 which all boil down to i don't wanna do this anymore lol. some people think the term honeymoon phase is controversial or whatever but that has been the case for me in every single relationship ive had that's gotten off the ground. relationships that don't get off the ground are a completely different story lol the only similarity is that every breakup ive ever had big or small sucked ass. to the point where it would lead to me staying in relationships way longer than i should have to avoid a traumatizing breakup which as we all know only makes the breakup worse [[laughing emoji x 13]]. so now like thinking about a guy a like and care about and him hypothetically asking me to be his girlfriend and i can't think of anything fucking worse. like no shade to the girlfriends out there. but my experience of being a girlfriend, even of a guy who treats you well, is that they are using the experience of possessing you to feel good about themselves. all guys do this. the guy who wanted to marry me treated me like aphrodite and worshipped the ground i walked on. and i believe he truly loved me, in a way no one ever has. but it felt perverse after awhile, like in the end it was really serving him. my laptop may die and i don't wanna lost this post, if you're still reading tysm for reading my stream of consciousness <333 if you didnt read this far sorry for not being perfectlol

#wow i hit character limit on this #i used to write posts like this allll the time especially in college #forgot how much it helps me think

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ditaliaa · 2 years ago

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Feel free to ignore this if y’all want, I’m just ranting about my problems lmao

@itsoverfeeling it wouldn’t let me put this in the comments of my one post so here’s my rant

Ok, so, just to preface this, I’m not entirely sure what my sexual orientation is (I’m still trying to figure that out) and I have ptsd from traumatic experiences with a man which might be attributing to my stress over dating but this is the situation:

There’s a guy that I’ve known for a while. We grew up together in the same church (which we’ve both left by now) but I didn’t really know him that well then. Anyway, I hadn’t seen him in several years until about 2-3 years ago when he messaged me on Facebook wanting to go on a date. My parents convinced me to go on it with him and I remember being super nervous about it then, but I went. It was ok, but I wasn’t really interested in him and told him that I wasn’t looking to date now and that I just wanted to be friends. He seemed ok with this but still kept flirting with me and messaging me, not in an aggressive way but i just wanted him to stop altogether. I just remained civil with him and never texted first, but would respond to his messages if he texted me. Anyway, he messaged me about a year later asking if I wanted to go out again and I told him that I was busy because telling him that I just wanted to be friends wasn’t working and then we didn’t talk for over a year. I thought that he finally got the hint, but he just messaged me again a few days ago wanting to hang out again. I was considering just not responding to his message but my family and all of my coworkers made me feel like I’d be a piece of shit if I did that so I responded and offered him my number as it’d be a better way of contacting me than social media. (I haven’t been on it in like a year). I felt ok with the decision when I wrote up the response and was talking with my coworkers, but now that he’s responded I’m super nervous that I’ve opened a can of worms.

The thing is, he’s not ugly, but there are a couple things that I think are major that are stopping me from wanting to hang out with him. First off, he’s a marine and he’s super conservative. This might be my biggest drawback about the whole situation. Also, he draws anime porn for guys in the military (at least three years ago he did). If that’s his thing then whatever, but me personally, I’m not into that. Lastly, he just doesn’t seem to want to take no for an answer. This is like the third year that he’s messaged me wanting to go on a date and I’m not sure why he is so adamant on dating me. He’s a few years older than me and from what I’ve seen he hasn’t dated anyone in the time that I’ve known him. It all just seems a little strange and feels like a red flag, but everyone that I’ve talked to says that it’s either not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be or that it’s not a problem and I should give him another chance because he might have changed.

He’s always been pretty nice, if a little awkward/uncomfortable when talking to me, but I don’t think I’m interested. Of course I could be psyching myself out too because it’s been several years since I’ve been on a date and I’ve never had good experiences. Also, my self esteem is terrible and I’m super self conscious about myself and honestly wondering why he likes me too. I just worry if I’m right about the things giving me pause or if I’m making this a big deal and also what I should do. I think I’d like to be in a relationship (just in general), but I also don’t think dating should make me feel this anxious.

Super sorry for the rant I’m just trying to organize my scrambled thoughts.

#ranting

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thefirstknife · 2 years ago

Note

As someone who's been talking about Drifter being bi/pan for years, I feel obligated to add all the Drifter lore here because it's fascinating and really funny to boot. It's all listed in this link which is to my post from a year ago (and like 5 months before Bungie made the wallpapers), but here it is again.

Drifter obviously likes women because he had an obvious crush on Orin, as well as tried flirting with Efrideet, and very clearly likes Eris. So that's a done deal.

But he has so many instances of also flirting with men. Love this one where he never specifies gender:

And you know me. I like to keep some folk close—real close. I feel somebody's hand on my throat, I figure they're about to kill me or kiss me.

Personally, I like to keep my options open.

This one is truly something else (I'll keep my HC that this is about Shin):

"Had a face like the end-times and eyes like manna in the desert. One look at him, and I knew I wasn't gonna be saved." —The Drifter

Then his flirting with Zavala?? From Arrivals:

Drifter: Got a visitor...again. Hey, Cue Ball, got some time to kill? Zavala: I was passing by. Drifter: Not checking in on anyone? Zavala: No. Drifter: Someone special? Zavala: Send me your report. Today.

And then in Witch Queen Collector's Edition:

Hey Ikora,

Did you sign off on this? Zavala ordered a search of my ship to get samples of my plants? "There are known similarities between your vessel's infestation and the growths aboard the derelict Glykon Volatus." Tell the big guy that if he wants to get at my garden, he'd better start pounding some Primevals.

Transmat firing,

This innuendo is like... I am genuinely surprised that this got past the ratings, if I'm being honest with you. LMAO.

And it's already been mentioned in the tags, but for full explanation, yes, Drifter has very obviously been hooking up with Rahool for access to the Cryptarchy archives. Like, it's straight up in the text. In Ada's lore book when she's requesting access to the archives, Rahool refuses to which Ada tells him that obviously letting people access the archives isn't a problem because he's letting Drifter do so:

Ada scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, I've seen that Drifter perusing this data on a weekly basis for his own amusement."

"That's not— there's no way—" Rahool stammered and blushed. "I assure you, no such breach has occurred."

Stammering and blushing? That's insane. Like, if you saw this in a fanfic, you'd know immediately what it means. Ada has seen Rahool sneaking around and visiting Drifter (she's literally next door to them). Also fits with his obvious thing for Awoken (Orin, Zavala, Rahool).

Since then, there's also been lore of Rahool filing complaints against Drifter in which he refers to him as "Mr. D" (I'm in tears) and this honestly feels like Rahool is mad he got caught by Ada so he's trying to save face, rather than anything else.

But yeah, these little details have been all over the place ever since Drifter was introduced. I didn't even think it was a question whether he's bi/pan and pretty much used these lore tidbits to "claim" him for years. Seeing it confirmed with the flag was really nice, but ultimately not surprising. I'm glad they're being consistent!

Also super glad they're being consistent with Ana. The girlfriend mentioned last season is Camrin Dumuzi, who Ana has been with for years. They're also technically the first LGBT+ kiss, but since it happened in a comic, it doesn't have the same weight as Saint and Osiris. Still:

They're adorable. This also happened when they weren't allowed to put these things into the game, despite wanting to. Who knows if we may have gotten stuff like this in the game sooner if not for the execs blocking it.

Also, they've been so consistent with Ana that's we're told she also had a girlfriend in the Golden Age.

She throws her arms around you, and you taste the sodium laurate in her shampoo and the long-chain fatty acids in the rosehip oil that lingers from her girlfriend's kiss, and it is all so good.

This woman's lesbianism transcends death.

Destiny, despite all it’s drawbacks, had the funniest rep drops in that wallpaper post. This bug alien space terrorist is a lesbian, this time paradox cyborg is gay, Elric of Melnibone girl version is bisexual, unmatched.

To their credit: Saint-14 and Eramis being gay and Mara being bi are things that are very openly established (largely in optional off-screen unlockable stories, or web serials, which I have Some Feelings about, but they've gotten a liiiittle better about making these things more front-facing). Ana had a little bit of dialogue about her girlfriend last season, apparently!

Drifter Pansexual Moment, as far as I know, literally started and ended with that pride month wallpaper of him holding his gay little cocktail. I think it's the funniest thing in the world.

#destiny 2 #drifter #rahool #ana #long post #lgbt+ rep #i'm sorry i just really love telling people just how much gay shit there is in lore #the rahool stuff can honestly be read another way too but it's funnier if it's read this way and it fits with what we know about drifter #and like for most of this. it's not obscure or hidden. some of these things are literally in activities and story missions #like drifter flirting with zavala was dialogue that could just play when you finished the seasonal activity #things weren't so open from the start (unfortunately we know why) but now they're more and more direct

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pilothusband · 3 years ago

Text

Dame lo que quiero

Rating: Explicit (18+ only!)

Pairing: Javier Peña/f!reader

Word Count: 4,271

Warnings: alcohol, more coworker hate, oral sex (f and m receiving), p in v sex, light choking, gratuitous description of the male anatomy, idk y’all I was really feelin’ it when I wrote this one

Author’s Note: I’m... yeah I don’t know. Don’t look at me. Javier is such a beautifully written character so I was very nervous to write this and post it. Title is based off the Juanes song Dámelo because it’s about getting down to pound town, just like this fic.

Out of all the topics the team decided to bring up on your first night off in ages, they had to choose sex. It’s not like you’re a prude or a blushing virgin, but you can count every hookup on one hand and none of them are memorable or satisfying. One of the guys on the team, Matt, immediately figures you out when you stutter over a reply to a question he directs your way.

“When’s the last time you got laid?”

Everyone’s eyes are on you, in addition to Matt’s beady ones, as you take a tentative sip from your beer. You can hear a couple of your coworkers cough down a chuckle. It’s no secret they all think you’re wound tight. Little do they know it has nothing to do with your sex life and everything to do with your disdain for them.

“Uh,” you clear your throat and look around at the group of people looking back at you expectantly. A drop of sweat makes its way down your temple. “I don’t know.”

Matt smirks.

“Okay, Mary, I’ll spare you.” A few people laugh along with his jab comparing you to the Virgin Mary. The only one who doesn’t chuckle is Javier. He’s off to the side, leaning towards the wall and sipping on his whiskey neat. He looks almost contemplative.

You can feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment, but you don’t give Matt the satisfaction of showing your emotions. He focuses the conversation back on himself and regales the group about the time he had sex in a public park. Gross.

You roll your eyes and make your way to the bar to get another drink and lean on the counter, elbows resting on the table in front of you.

“Matt’s an asshole,” you hear Javier’s voice over your shoulder and jump a little, not expecting him to be right there.

“He’s an idiot,” you agree. You’ve always liked Javier, despite not knowing him very well. Conversations with him at work didn’t seem as banal as they did with others. Though you tend to stay out of his way, considering he’s doing the hardest job out of all of you at the DEA headquarters.

“It’s not easy meeting people in another country. I just don’t get why they think it’s any of their business.”

“It’s none of my business either,” Javi drawls, taking another sip from his drink.

“I know that,” you say defensively. You soften your next sentence, afraid you may have sounded a little defensive. “I don’t mind talking to you about it because…” you trail off, waving your hand in a gesture to come up with your next words carefully.

“Because why?” His lip pulls up in a sideways smirk. You have to swallow to tamp down the butterflies that flutter through your stomach.

“Because I like talking to you, unlike all of them.”

The look in Javier’s eyes melts from playful to something softer. He looks down at the tumbler in his hand and huffs, then smiles.

“I like talking to you too, gorgeous.”

“Gorgeous, huh?” You arch an eyebrow teasingly. “Trying to butter me up so I spill all my sexy secrets to you?”

“Partly, yes.” He says and cocks his head to the side. How does he manage to look so fucking hot when he does that? “And partly because you’re gorgeous.”

You’re inwardly scolding yourself for flirting with your coworker in front of the entire DEA team, but there’s no way you’re not going to see this out.

Before your brain can catch up with your eyes, Javier steps closer, crowding his body into your space, feet angled in your direction as he leans into the bar, the hand that isn’t occupied by his drink is flat on the table top, merely an inch from your fingertips.

“So tell me, gorgeous,” he pauses to watch you fluster over the nickname again and grins. “Have you met anyone worth your while?”

You really should deflect his question and change the subject, but you like Javier, no matter what the other idiots in the office say about him. He’s dedicated, intelligent, respectful, and so fucking charming. He may be about ten years your senior, and ridiculously sexy, but you somehow feel comfortable talking to him.

You. You you you you.

“Pickings are slim when you’re surrounded by these clowns,” you tell him, gesturing with your beer bottle towards the group of DEA personnel, who are currently cheering on Matt and banging on the table while he chugs his drink. “I wouldn’t fuck any of them if they were the last men on Earth.”

Javier’s eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline before he tips his head back and laughs. You can’t help but stare at the column of his throat with the movement. You’re delighted to find a dimple that makes its way onto his cheek when he laughs.

You can’t help but smile at his expression. He always looks so grim, so tired to the bone. You wonder if this is the first time he’s laughed today.

He sobers and focuses his gaze on you, his eyes half-lidded as he regards you.

“You know,” he starts, places his glass on the counter, and leans forward so his warm breath fans over your face. “If you want, I could show you a good time.”

You bite your lip as something clenches pleasantly inside you.

“Tell me to fuck off if I’m reading things wrong.” His eyes flick down to your mouth as he waits for your response.

“Okay,” you breathe. The room feels like the temperature has notched up 10 degrees and your jacket feels constricting.

“You sure?” He asks, tipping up your chin so he can read your expression.

“Absolutely.”

Javi backs up a measure and grabs his half empty glass, tipping it to his lips to down it all in one go. You watch his Adam’s apple bob as the liquid rushes down his throat. He wipes his mustache with his sleeve and slams the glass down.

“Let’s go.”

The walk back to the DEA assigned apartments is short, but tense, at least for you. Javier looks as relaxed as ever, sauntering down the side streets as if he isn’t about to fuck one of his coworkers. This probably isn’t as much of a big deal to him, you reason with yourself. He’s an experienced man who has no qualms with letting his sensual side take over. You, on the other hand, are terrified that you’re going to embarrass yourself.

The street inclines on a curved hill, where the apartment building rests just ahead. You can feel your heart beating in your throat with every step you take.

“Your place or mine?” You ask him.

“Yours,” he replies decisively. “I want you to feel comfortable.”

Something in your chest constricts with affection at his thoughtfulness. He must know how rare this kind of thing is for you. Instead of replying, you nod and look forward, not quite trusting yourself to speak at the moment.

A few moments later, you’re unlocking your door and letting Javier into the small dwelling. You lock the door behind you, throw your keys in a tray by the door and switch a lamp on, then fidget, unsure of your next move.

“So um, my bedroom is just this way.”

“Hold on, gorgeous,” Javi interjects and steps into space, his mouth inches from yours. He lifts his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear softly. “Can I kiss you first?”

Your heart thumps in your chest as you look at him in the muted light of your living room. There’s something in his expression that’s so raw, so honest and open. It’s a side of him you’ve never seen before. It’s that moment you realize Javier is a man of actions, not just words. The way he’s giving himself to you so freely, waiting patiently for you to open yourself to him, has an unfamiliar emotion washing over you in waves.

You close the gap and capture his lips instead of replying. Javier cups your cheek and returns the kiss fervently. His lips are soft, pliant. You thought his mustache would scratch at your upper lip, but it tickles pleasantly as your mouths move together in tandem. His other hand finds its way in your hair, fingers gripping the strands lightly.

A surge of confidence shoots its way through your spine as you lick imploringly at his bottom lip, asking for more.

Javier groans and tightens his hold in your locks, the other hand making its way down your back to pull you closer. The first touch of his tongue coupled with his satisfied groan has you whimpering into his mouth, a noise he must enjoy, since he squeezes your waist, his large hand wrapping around your side.

You find you love how much bigger he is than you– not just in height and breadth, but also the feel of his hands, feverish and searching as he maps out the curves of your body. He’s all-encompassing, pulling you into his orbit and crashing over you in one big, giant wave.

You’ve caught whiffs of his cologne in the halls at the office as he walks by every so often, but that doesn’t compare, even a little bit, to this moment. He still smells like how you remember– with the expensive notes of his cologne, mingling in with the smell of tobacco, and whiskey, but you also smell something you can’t place that has you sighing into his mouth, fingertips skimming over his neck and trailing down his chest.

He breaks the kiss and presses his forehead to yours, chest heaving as he catches his breath.

“Shall we?” The timbre of his voice is low and husky, sending shivers down your spine.

You step back and pull him towards your room. His eyes are sparkling with a hint of mirth and hunger as you pull him through the threshold, as if he’s letting you take control but only for the moment.

His hands take hold of yours as he peppers kisses down your jaw and neck, drinking you in.

“Will you take your clothes off for me, pretty one?”

You whine with need as he sucks lightly on your neck; goosebumps erupt over your arms.

“Fuck. Yes, Javi.”

As soon as his mouth leaves your body, he pushes your jacket down your arms, letting it slip to the floor, then his fingers skim the hemline of your shirt, anticipating your next move.

You lift the garment over your head and your shoes and jeans follow quickly, wanting to get them off as soon as possible, praying Javi can’t sense how fast your heart is beating, or how you tripped over one of your shoes in the process.

You’re left hesitating in your bra and panties, nerves getting the best of you. It doesn’t help that Javi is still fully clothed.

“Can I?” He asks, hand reaching around your back to thumb at the clasp. He’s so close you could lick the sweat from his neck.

“Yes,” you breathe, mouthing at Javi’s throat, pulling a groan from him.

All he has to do is flick his wrist and your bra is falling from your shoulders. You toss it to the side and look down, nervous of his reaction.

“Shit, baby,” he rasps, pushing your chin up so you’re forced to look into his dark eyes. All you can see in them is raw need. “You’re fucking beautiful.”

His fingers dance down from your throat down between your bare breasts, his touch light as air.

He leans in to pull you into a scorching kiss, tongue curling languidly around yours. You make a soft noise of surprise when he palms at your chest, squeezing softly and pinching your nipple between his splayed fingers.

You arch your back towards him and make a high-pitched, breathless whine. You can feel his mouth turn up into a grin.

“You got sensitive nipples, baby?” He whispers, breath hot in your ear.

“Mmm,” is all you’re able to say as he twists your nipple between his skilled fingers. His other hand copies the action with your other nipple and you keen as arousal pools to your cunt.

He lets you enjoy the moment for a while, alternating from harsh tugs to soothing caresses.

“Take off your panties and lay down for me baby,” he murmurs in your ear, words followed with a soft kiss to your temple.

You comply, hook your thumbs into the waistband and pull them down your legs, then lay back on your bed, on full display for Javier to drink you in.

“Shit, baby,” His eyes are impossibly dark as they roam over your form. “You’re an angel.”

His gaze shifts down to where you’re glistening for him, slick pooled down between your legs and leaking out of your aching pussy.

His finger traces your slit; his touch too light to give you the delicious pressure you need. He’s still fully clothed, his blue shirt stretched over his broad shoulders, straining over his chest as he breathes.

“Already so wet,” he remarks, swiping his fingers through your folds. You whine and cant your hips towards his hand, but he lifts it and sucks his fingers into his mouth, eyes fluttering closed at the taste as he groans.

“Taste so fuckin’ good baby.”

He pulls his shirt out from his jeans and unbuttons it, each inch of skin glowing in the golden light of your bedroom. Javi shrugs it off his shoulders and your brain fizzles out at the slopes of his shoulders, the dip of his clavicles. Javier Peña is a piece of fucking art.

He’s midway through unzipping his jeans when he looks up and catches your expression. You can’t see your own face, but it must reflect the mixture of awe and affection simmering under the surface, threatening to burst through.

The fly of his jeans is unzipped, the curls of his pubic hair on display through the triangle of exposed skin and your mouth waters at the sight. You can see the base of his cock as it strains against the tight denim, and you want– no, need, to get your mouth on him.

“Fuck,” he swears, looking down at you. He’s gripping his cock through the material of his pants, knuckles turning white and jaw clenching with desire.

You’re touching yourself, finger circling your clit in lazy circles; you didn’t even notice you were doing it until he said something.

He pushes the denim down and kicks it off, cock bobbing as he strides towards the bed to climb over you and cage you in his arms.

“That’s my job,” he says, capturing you in another kiss.

Your hands fly up to his head, curling into his hair as he grinds into you. He’s gyrating so slowly, so languidly that you can feel heat drip down your core like honey. The pressure he’s giving you is decadent. His cock is wedged between your bodies, positioned so the base of it is coated in your arousal.

You’re grasping the base of his spine, where his back dips down low, a spot that seems designed specifically for your hands to fit. You let a hand trail down when he lands a particularly deep push into your hips, and squeeze the flesh of his ass, relishing as it gives at the action, soft and smooth. He moans and kisses you harshly in response, panting into your mouth.

“Need to fucking taste you. Fuck.”

He leaves fervent, open-mouthed kisses down your chest, pauses at your nipples to swirl his tongue around them with sloppy movements of his tongue, then sucks them into his mouth, earning a frantic moan that rips from your throat.

His mouth continues its path down your stomach and pauses as he’s face-to-face with your cunt, absolutely dripping with need. To your dismay, he skips over that part of you completely and kisses your inner thigh, then shifts his attention to the other thigh once he’s decided the first one is marked up to his liking.

When his mouth latches onto your pussy you're so shocked you can’t help the “oh” that escapes your parted lips.

Javi chuckles, then sucks your clit into his mouth and flicks his tongue out to chase it. You usually have a hard time enjoying this, overthinking in the moment, but now all you can focus on is the wet heat of Javier’s mouth as he plunges his tongue into you like a man starved.

It’s the pressure of his tongue lapping circles around your clit; it’s the image burning in your memory, of his shoulders keeping your legs apart, brown locks disheveled, dipping as he licks at your folds. Then he inserts a finger and curls it upwards, testing the waters before he adds a second finger. He pumps them in and out of your aching cunt until yo’;re seeing stars. You’re thrashing around in ecstasy, overwhelmed by the sensation but needing more simultaneously.

You can feel the pleasure building like a crescendo, simmering in your belly and spreading up your spine to all of your limbs as you arch your back and cry out as you come. Your legs shake with the force of your orgasm and Javier laps it all up, catching every drop of you until the aftershocks quivering through your thighs quiet down.

He hums and gives you one last kiss in a spot that has you bucking from oversensitivity, then lifts himself back up to your face, hovering above you for a moment until you cup the back of his head and drag him down to kiss you.

You love that your arousal lingers on his lips and tongue. A selfish part of you hopes he never forgets the way you taste. You’re sure as hell you won’t be able to forget him.

“Let me suck your cock, Javi,” you murmur in between swift kisses to his lips. He moans into your mouth.

“Tonight was supposed to be about you,” he argues weakly, his resolve crumbling at the drop of a hat. He’s already settling beside you, back against the headboard and legs spread, his thick, hard cock standing at attention. You love that he can’t say no, too turned on by the idea of your lips wrapped around him.

You roll over and kiss him deeply, then jump down to his heaving chest. You can tell he’s trying to control himself and wants to let you take the reins for a little while.

You move down his body until you’re face level with his cock, mouth watering as your hands trail down his torso, tangling through his pubic hair. You can’t recall ever seeing such a beautiful dick in your entire life. Thick and long, with veins running down the sides, tapering up to a big, fat head that has you licking your lips in anticipation.

You note the way his stomach, soft and lean, jumps at your touch, and how hips arch towards you. This man. This smart, capable, deeply guarded man is losing his composure because of your attention. You don’t waste time, grasping his cock in your hand as you lick a stripe up the underside. He groans as his hands fly to your head, spurring you on as you take him into your mouth, cheeks hollowing as your tongue swirls around his length.

Javi lets out a needy moan when you lower your mouth as far down as it will go without gagging. You pause for a moment to breathe out your nose and relax your throat, then plunge forward to take him into your throat.

Javier lets out a punctured shout as he lurches forward, hand grasping your shoulder and squeezing it hard. Your nose nudges the curls of his pubic hair and you rest there for a moment, waiting until you can’t take it anymore and need to come up for air. You gag a little as you come up and leave a string of saliva leading from your mouth to his cock, shiny with your saliva and practically pulsating in your hand.

“Fuck,” he pants, breathless and dizzy. “Need to fuck you, pretty one. Will you let me fuck you?”

You nod breathlessly, panting from exertion. Javi’s hand cups your jaw tenderly, drawing you up towards him.

“Been wanting to taste you for ages, baby,” he groans, licking into your mouth. “Wearing those little pantsuits around the office, showing all those pendejos who’s boss.”

“Wanted you too,” you breathe, crawling forward so you can line yourself up and sink down onto him. Javi groans and clenches his jaw.

“So fucking tight, baby,” he grits out.

It takes a few moments for you to adjust to him. Javier is ever the gentleman, waiting for you to lead the way before he moves. You gyrate your hips experimentally, earning a grunt from the man below as he looks up at you. A rush of arousal drips down, leaking towards Javier’s balls as you make eye contact. He grabs onto your hips and bucks up in response, moaning your name.

It doesn’t take long until you’re bouncing up and down on his cock. He’s entranced by your breasts, lips parted in wonder, and leans forward to take one into his mouth. He bites down on a nipple, just hard enough for it to sting before he laps at it to soothe the pain. You can’t help the shriek that rips from your throat as he hits a deep spot inside of you simultaneously. Your moans are bouncing off the ceiling as you throw your head back in pleasure.

“Take my cock so well, gorgeous,” he growls

“Javi,” you choke out. “Gonna–” you don’t have the chance to finish the sentence before you’re gasping for air, contracting around his dick so hard he has to dig his fingers into the plush of your ass to calm himself down,

He gives you a moment to breathe before he leans forward, breath hot in your ear. “Can I fuck you from behind, baby?”

“Yes, fuck. Please.”

He takes no time to flip you over. You lean forward on all fours, waiting for his next move. He plunges forward, seating himself inside fully and immediately drills into you as if his life depended on it. Your breaths come out in punctured heaves, each thrust of Javi’s hips hitting you deeper and deeper.

One of his hands is resting on your hip, the other is on your breast. Your knees start to wobble with fatigue, something Javi notices and solves by hauling you up and cradling you into his chest, with one arm across your torso, resting on your chest, and the other cupping you by your sex, rubbing at your clit in harsh circles.

It’s perfect– the combination of his hard, frantic thrusts and his attention on your clit, but it’s missing something. You grab the hand that’s pinching at your nipple and move it up to your throat, squeezing it with yours to show him what you want.

“You sure, baby?” He pants. You nod in response. “Okay, honey. Tap on my leg three times if it’s too much, you got that?”

You nod again.

“Need you to say it out loud, gorgeous.”

“Yes– Javi. Yes.”

The hand on your throat tightens just a fraction. All you can focus on is the sound of skin hitting skin, along with the filthy sounds of your cunt drenching his cock with every thrust. He tightens his grip a little more on the sides of your throat until your airflow is just restricted enough to leave you gasping and spasming around his cock.

You aren’t sure if the choked sound is coming from you or Javier, but it doesn’t matter at this point– your orgasm hits you like a freight chain as your thighs shake and your vision gets fuzzy around the edges. As soon as you grip his length with your final contraction, Javier releases your throat and comes hard, shooting his release into your fluttering pussy.

He doesn’t let go of you when he’s finished. Instead, he holds onto you closer and rolls you onto his chest as he collapses backwards into the sheets, his lungs burning as he catches his breath. There’s a few moments where you’re both lay there, absorbing the moment.

“Fuuuuck,” he lets out, long and labored.

You let out a tired giggle in response.

“It’s a goddamn shame you had a dry spell, gorgeous. Glad I got to be the one to end it.”

You slip off his chest so you can cuddle into his side. He’s drenched in sweat, but then again so are you.

“Me too,” you tell him softly, stroking his jaw.

“Was kind of hoping we can do this again,” he says in an equally soft tone. “If you want that.”

He doesn’t seem insecure, but instead cautiously optimistic.

“I’d like that.”

He smiles with a flash of his teeth and leans in to kiss you deeply, tangling his fingers in your hair. After a beat, he breaks the kiss and looks over at you with a kind of look in his eye you don’t know how to decipher, but it has the words bubbling from your throat before you can stop them.

“Want to stay the night? Maybe wake up in a few hours for round two?”

Javier lets out a chuckle, deep and throaty. He almost looks relieved.

“I’d like that very much,” he tells you, capturing your mouth in a slow, languid kiss.

Taglist: @tenderclio @softdin @darnitdraco @freeshavocadoooo @recklessworry @wyn-dixie @manalg14 @codenamewife @comphersjost @princessxkenobi @manalg14 @comphersjost @a-skov @sheresh0y @greeneyedblondie44 @blackmarketmummy @brandyllyn @gracie7209 @bootyliciousbilbo @dobbyjen @xoxo-callie @vanillabeanlattes @knivesareout @fastandfeminist @phrog-seeds @janebby @leannawithacapitala @evyiione @mswarriorbabe80 @asta-lily @iamskyereads @anaaaispunk @freyjasamael @javierpinme @frannyzooey

#javier peña #narcos #javier peña x reader #javier peña x f!eader #pedro pascal #let's try this again since the first post got flagged lmao

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illicitlimerence-writes · 3 years ago

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champion | m. schumacher

pairing: mick schumacher x driver!reader word count: 2.2k request: yes/no. by an anon: "Hi there. Do you write smut? If not my apologies, just ignore this. If you do I have a prompt. Mick dating fellow driver (a female) and winning his first GP, then having sex with her for the first time as a form of celebration?" okay so i don't usually write smut (so please don't take it bad if you request smut and i decline). i had zero inspiration to write anything else so i just went for this. warnings: smut. 18+ only. if you're under 18 you will be blocked. oral (fem receiving), fingering (fem receiving). it's one of the first times i've written smut so please be kind. swear words, mick being cheeky. (please let me know if i've missed anything, like i said i'm not very used to writing smut and maybe some things went over my head as i reviewed it. but be kind, please.) a/n: yeah. i've written smut like two or three times a looong time ago. and since then i've felt terrified to try again, which is why i didn't go too in-depth during the actual sex. let me know what you think! i can't believe i've written and posted one fic a day for four days in a row. wow. funny story, me and my dumb ass misread this request as well and i was writing something else and i was so inspired when i realized my mistake lmao. i'm definitely saving that draft for later.

my masterlist

"the gap to mick is 0.5, and to hamilton is 1.3. give it your all."

your eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, you could feel the sweat dripping down your body from anticipation.

there were just two laps left, mick had never been this close to a win. you watched as your boyfriend in the car in front of you sped up, catching up with hamilton and you did the same. you kept your distance at first when mick tried to overtake him, he went on the inside of a curb and you went full throttle. hamilton went wide, and that gave you the advantage to overtake him as well.

on the last lap you could taste victory, you were so close to mick, but you knew what this would mean for him, so you didn't try to fight him for the position.

a 1-2 for your team was the best result possible, no matter who ended up on the top spot. the checkered flag was being waved, and mick schumacher had just won his first grand prix in formula one.

as your race engineer congratulated you on the amazing work the entire race, starting p11 and finishing p2 was quite the hard work, you and mick did a final lap together, trying to keep the cars side by side as you lift your fist in the air, trying to stop yourself from jumping up and down in the car.

you parked the car in front of a board with a large '2' on it. and right next to you, your boyfriend parked his in the long-awaited first place spot. you got out of the car, rushing to his side. he hugged you, laughing as he twirled you around. you made your way to where your team waited for the both of you.

as you stood on the podium, mick placed an arm around you, buzzing with excitement. he pulled you to his side, and you climbed on the top spot. he grasped your hand in his and lifted them, stretching your arms up high as you held your trophies with your free hands.

mick couldn't keep his hands off you the entire night. you'd gone for drinks at the bar of the hotel you were staying at, but neither of you drank anything because your diets didn't allow it, not that you needed the alcohol to enjoy the night. you let him have his way with you, he was a champion after all.

and champions deserved their prize.

the entire day your mind kept looking forward to the night. you and mick hadn't been intimate yet. you'd been together for two months, the best months of your life, and you were taking your time getting to know each other's likes and dislikes, plus, you didn't have that much experience, but this was the best way to end a perfect day, and you felt ready.

as you stumbled to your room you closed the door behind you, mick's grip on your waist tight. you fell back on your bed, and mick climbed on top of you, kissing your cheek.

you still had adrenaline running in your veins, and you waited until you both calmed down to let him know your decision. you thought he'd fallen asleep until you felt his lips nipping at your neck. you continued to let him decorate your neck with lovebites and bruises, occasionally dragging his lips up to yours. you could spend the entire night like this, but you had other plans.

"mick, mick," you said as his lips met the side of your neck. he hummed in reply, nipping and biting. "i think i'm ready," he froze for a moment, unsure if he'd heard you right.

"what?" he asked, leaning his weight on his arms, his face so close to yours, you couldn't stop yourself as you leaned forward and captured his lips in a short embrace.

"i want to be yours, completely. i'm ready," you said, he smiled at you, kissed your cheek before he flipped you two over, so you were on top of him. his hands snaked around your waist, pushing you until your chest laid flat against him.

"baby, please don't feel pressured to do it. you don't own me anything, i just want to spend one of the best nights of my life with you, we don't have to do anything." he said and he looked at you with those big blue eyes of his, his stare so soft and hypnotizing it made you dizzy.

"i know, but i want to. you've done so much for me, and you've said it yourself. i'd like to end one of the best nights of my life, as well, with you."

"fuck, i love you." he couldn't contain himself.

"me too," you said for the first time, grabbing his face and colliding your lips with his as he flipped you over again.

the kiss started slow, you were taking your time exploring him in a new light, you couldn't help but feel extremely nervous, you didn't have that much experience. his hands sliding down the sides of your body brought you back from your thoughts, making you gasp. you dragged your hands down his back, slipping under his shirt, feeling his skin, scratching it with your nails.

you took your time as the kiss grew heated, your heartbeat speeding almost as fast as the cars you drove. you sighed deeply as his lips met your neck again, he bit and sucked and licked, making you feel a pleasure you hadn't before.

the clothes came off, you stared at each other with pure adoration in your eyes.

"are you sure?" he asked, making you feel warm inside. your fingers were in his hair, so you pulled him towards your face and joined your lips, hoping that would answer his question. "okay, but you have to tell me the moment you start feeling uncomfortable. this isn't just about me."

"i promise," you said.

his lips descended down your neck, to your breasts, where he took his time giving attention to each peak. he continued his journey, kissing all over your stomach, his breath and soft lips tickling you. once he reached your aching core he locked eyes with you. he sat on his knees, pulled your legs apart, on each side of him.

tentatively, his thumb touched your sensitive skin, making you flinch. his eyes instantly flew to your face, "is this okay?" he whispered as his fingers stilled.

"yes. don't stop," you gasped, he nodded, his eyes flying back to where his digits played with you. two of his fingers held you open for him as another circled your opening, his breath hitching. you heard a soft 'fuck' leaving his lips as he plopped down on his stomach, his warm breath hitting your tender core.

"i'm gonna use my mouth, okay?" he said, as he grabbed one of your thighs and left soft kisses.

"please," you almost moaned, the anticipation too much. you felt as if you were buzzing, electricity ran through your veins as you waited for him to do something.

the first lick caught you off guard, the air left your lungs as your head shot up to look at him between your legs. his eyes silently asked for permission, and you nodded, whispering a soft 'don't stop'. and he dived in.

your back arched off the bed, hands curled around the white sheet beneath you as he kissed and licked you in your most intimate spot. his fingers found your hypersensitive button, and the pleasure intensified by a thousand. you felt like you were burning up inside, your head dizzy with ecstasy as soft gasps left your throat.

one of his fingers circled your opening, "i have to stretch you, first." he said, and you nodded. "okay, this might hurt, so tell me and i'll stop."

"please never stop. i've never felt like this in my whole life," you admitted, too drunk on his touch to think straight.

"we're just starting, my love." he said. his pinky finger began stretching you as it made its way inside you. you closed your eyes, biting your lip and throwing your head back against the pillows.

"fuck, keep going," you creaked out. once he was fully inside, he remained still for a moment before he began pulling out slowly, then pushing back in. once you were used to his pinky, he pulled out completely, taking his finger to his mouth and cleaning it from your wetness.

he worked you out, using two and three fingers, and once you'd found a pace you were comfortable with, his lips surrounded your clit, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked and licked.

"oh my god," you whispered. your hands moved on their own accord, tangling your fingers in his blonde hair, pushing him deeper into you.

your orgasm came crashing down, you felt fireworks exploding inside your skin, a pressure that had formed in your stomach now disappearing as he continued to kiss your clit and fuck you with his fingers until you felt that same pressure start to build again.

"fuck, mick, i can't-" you choked on air, your chest was heaving as you breathed rapidly. his intense gaze made you shiver.

"let go, baby. i got you, you're almost there. you're doing so good." he praised you, connecting his lips with your bundle of nerves, and you clenched around his fingers, inner walls fluttering as you came for a second time. your legs were numb as he pulled away from you, climbing his way up your body to kiss you, making you taste yourself in his mouth.

"that was wonderful," you whispered against his lips, noses brushing.

"you did so good for me, baby. my best girl." he connected your lips again, pouring all the love and passion into it.

"i want to make you feel good," you said as you pulled away to breathe. he shook his head.

"another time, liebe. tonight is about you,"

"no, tonight is about you," you said, holding his face.

"and i want to please you tonight. please," he pleaded, and looked at you with those eyes that made it impossible for you to put up a fight. you nodded, "do you want to keep going?" he asked,

"please,"

his fingers traveled down, touching your wet core. he took off his boxers, throwing them to the side. he wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it once, twice. you couldn't tear your eyes away from him, he looked... sublime.

you bit your lip as his thick head touched your folds, slipping between them. you gasped when he pressed it against your clit, shivering in pleasure.

"you ready?"

"yes," you nodded and he slipped home.

you spent the rest of the night in his arms, he whispered how much he loved you. he was gentle and soft and showed so much devotion and commitment to make sure you received as much pleasure as he did.

you woke up feeling sore. the sun slipping through the curtains hit your eyes, so you turned your back, being careful to not wake up mick. you tried to get up to use the restroom, but your legs trembled as you tried to stand. you fell on the floor, and let out a yelp before you could stop yourself.

that woke him up

mick sat up, looking from side to side until he found you on the floor.

"what happened?" he asked as he got up and ran to you. he helped you up and sat you on the bed. you couldn't stop the soft giggles that left your mouth.

"you broke me," you said, pointing to your crotch area. "i tried to stand up and my legs gave up on me." you laughed at the absurd situation you were in.

"wow, that is a confidence boost," he smirked, kneeling on the floor in front of you. you slapped his arm playfully, which only made him laugh harder. "sorry, sorry."

"guess you'll have to be my slave for the day," you said, kissing his cheek.

"if this is the price i have to pay every time we're together i'll take it," he said. throwing himself on top of you, making you squeal as you fell backwards against the bed.

"shut up, i need to use the bathroom," you pouted.

"should i get you a wheelchair?" he said, raising his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes. he leaned back and stood up.

"i got fucked hard, not hit by a train," you replied, and made grabby hands at him. he held your hands and placed one arm under your knees and the other circled your back. he left you in the bathroom whilst you did your business, he waited behind the closed door.

"i don't think there's a difference," he continued his playful banter and you scoffed.

"get over yourself, schumacher. i'm the one in charge here," you said and slowly got up to wash your hands. once he heard you were done he knocked on the door and opened it once you gave him the all-clear. your fingers gripped the sink to keep you in place, and he quickly put his arm around your waist to steady you.

"you wish," he laughed. you looked at him through the mirror, and you raised an eyebrow wickedly.

"fine. then i won't let you have me tonight," you said and his face fell.

"nooo, please," he dragged out the 'o', pouting. "i need you." he complained.

"then behave," you said as you turned around, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around him as he walked you to the bed, setting you down softly.

"i've created a monster," he mumbled against your neck. where the bruises and love bites from yesterday painted your skin.

"only for you, champion."

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dyeyourhandsblue · 3 years ago

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White vs Black: The evolution of Sean’s feelings

I started writing this post after I saw some people confused about the evolution of Sean’s feelings and “how come he’s trying to kill White in ep 6, taking his hand under a pride flag in ep 7 and kissing him in ep 8?????”. It was supposed to be a quick post after episode 8, but it uhhh quickly got way bigger than expected lmao so it got put on the back burner for a bit. But then this great post about the link between the romance and the politics of Not Me made me want to finally finish this, so here you have it: 3300 words all about the evolution of Sean’s feelings for White.

The thing about Not Me is that it’s, for White, our mc, an identity story. It’s by pretending to be someone else, and losing himself, that White actually finds his true self. So, it makes sense that his romance would also relate to this. Sean being the person who’s most suspicious of White’s act as Black and the one who’s constantly calling him out on it, isn’t just a coincidence; it’s by design. Just like White finds his true self by acting as Black, Sean falls in love not with actual Black, but with all the ways this “new Black” is different; aka, he’s been falling for White’s true self since the first episode.

Sean experiences an enemies to lovers speedrun arc because at first he thinks he’s interacting with Black but he’s actually interacting with White. And so, during the entire first half of the show, Sean interacts with White like he would normally interact with Black, and gets constantly tripped up by how he gets reactions he wasn’t expecting from “Black”, until it all culminates into episode 6.

There are three main points that keep tripping Sean up every time he interacts with White:

1) Black is just as aggressive and violent as Sean, if not more;

2) Black is just as much of a control freak as Sean, if not more;

3) Black (presumably) doesn’t care about Sean as a person.

And then here comes White shattering every single one of these perceptions, in increasingly impactful ways.

Understanding Sean’s dynamic with Black (or his perception of it) is fundamental to understanding seanwhite’s own timeline, because just like White vs Black is a central part of the main story, it’s a central part of Sean and White’s romance.

1) Violence

Sean and White’s first meeting is immediately tainted with the potential for violence - and in fact, the first two/three episodes are mostly focused on this aspect. Sean is presented, to the audience and to White, as someone who has violence/aggression as his baseline. Whoever, as we see Sean interact with other characters (especially with Namo), we see that this first impression is wrong. And in fact, when we go back to those first scenes with White, we can see that Sean acts aggressive expecting to receive an equal response. Sean and Black’s relationship is built on violence. If Sean punches Black, he expects Black to punch back harder; if not to be the one to punch first.

In a way, Sean’s relationship with Black can be seen as a microcosmos of Sean’s relationship with life. He doesn’t expect gentleness or softness to come from it, just violence. And so, when White breaks Sean’s expectations of violence as Black, he’s breaking Sean’s view on life in general.

When Sean acts violent or aggressive, White never matches his energy. He cringes back, he looks afraid, he wields. That forces Seans to reevaluate his own behavior, and to even acknowledge that this new Black... may be physically weaker than him? Which was unthinkable, but appears to be the truth now. Not only that, but this new Black lets himself appear vulnerable in front of Sean, not only physically but also emotionally - again something unthinkable because Black is extremely closed off and never let’s others see what he’s thinking. But now this new Black appears to be opening up to Sean, of all people. And that makes Sean unconsciously slip into a caretaker/protector role.

Saving “Black” from the fire, helping him with his wounds, catching him when he falls - it’s all unwilling at first, but it puts Sean in a position that he hasn’t been in for a long time, if ever. Sean couldn’t protect his family, and he seems to never have had anyone that he can take care of. Sean’s vengeance will only become possible with violence, and the gang’s missions rely on his violence. That’s the way he found to become useful to his friends and his goals. His friendship with Namo is an exception, but even then that’s a casual relationship (at least for Sean), and she’s removed from his “real life”, aka the gang. White, meanwhile, isn’t. He is the first person who knows the truth about Sean’s life and yet is helped not by Sean’s violence, but by his caretaking.

2) Control

The other big point of Sean and Black’s relationship seems to be their constant struggles for power. Now this is interesting because this only appears as an issue later; the first mission we see was Black’s mission, and Sean had no problem following his orders. It’s when Sean gets his own mission that his doubts creep in: he doesn’t trust Black to respect him and follow his orders like Sean respected and followed Black.

Sean’s new relationship with White also doesn’t offer a quick fix to this problem. White wields to Sean, yes; he doesn’t have any problems with giving his power to Sean (something Sean finds suspicious and immediately calls out). But White also isn’t afraid to disagree with Sean’s plans.

That becomes a big issue for their relationship because at first, both of them are interpreting the situation differently. White objects to Sean’s mission because he wants Sean to succeed, and so he points out the flaws in Sean's plan as a way to make it better. It’s constructive criticism, if you will. White’s monologue in episode 5 is important to illustrate where he’s coming from: he trusts Sean, and so he wants Sean to trust him too. He wants them to work together.

However, that’s not how Sean interprets it. Because Black never (presumably, from Sean’s pov) wanted to work together, or trusted him, or respected him as a leader. When Black criticizes Sean’s plan, it’s because he wants to tear him down, and take the control/power back to himself. He can’t see White’s concerns for what they are, genuine concern for his well being and a genuine desire to see him succeed. He only sees Black not believing in him. For Sean, Black only gave him power because he wants to watch Sean crash and burn.

3) Care

And the reason why Sean doesn’t believe White-as-Black when he says he’s criticizing Sean’s plan because he wants him to succeed, is because Sean believes Black never cared about him.

It’s clear Black leaving Sean behind in one of their missions was a decisive moment for Sean in regards to his feelings towards Black. Sean admires Black’s ideology and strength, but this admiration and trust extends only to the mission - he doesn’t trust Black as a person, and he especially doesn’t trust Black to care for him.

It’s interesting to note, then, that the times Sean helps White in the first two episodes are with the assumption that this help won’t be reciprocated. White unlocks Sean’ protective instincts, but at first it’s with not only the confusion over WHY Black is suddenly triggering these feelings in him, but also probably quite a bit of bitterness over the belief that said protectiveness won’t be reciprocated or appreciated.

And White snapping at the gang/Sean after the fire is an interesting contrast to Black leaving Sean after their mission, because the twins disappoint Sean in both instances, but for opposite reasons. Black left Sean behind for the mission; Sean can respect the ideology behind it, but personally, it hurt him and destroyed any kind of relationship he could have with Black. With White, however, the problem is the opposite. White’s concerns were about the potential cost of life, and the impact their actions would have on other people. That is something that (presumably) was never a worry for Black, and it was his one point of connection with Sean: the mission above all else. And suddenly Black, who never cared about others, is trying to lecture them? Black, who never cared about him? It clearly leaves Sean very shaken, to the point he seeks outside validation to confirm he’s still on the right path, ideologically speaking.

That’s the first time Sean encounters White’s brand of worry and care for others. But then they start sharing a room, and Sean starts seeing more and more of this side of White - and it all focused on him.

This is probably the first time since his parents passed away that someone tried to comfort Sean while he was having a nightmare. It’s the first time someone sees him so vulnerable, and decides to offer shelter.

Keep in mind that White is still trying to pretend to be Black here, therefore trying to pretend he dislikes and doesn’t care about Sean. But still Sean can see right through him - because White does a terrible job of impersonating Black, yes, but also because Sean knows Black well, and he knows Black would never be this gentle with him.

Sean can already see right through White, even in these first episodes. He can sense the real him behind White’s facade - and that’s what has him so confused. He’s seeing someone new where he should be seeing Black.

Episode 6: The Breaking Point

The first five episodes of Not Me are used to establish Sean and White’s attraction and their initial dynamic: both can see through the other’s masks, and that’s what connects them to each other but also leaves them so confused.

White can see through Sean’s mask of violence and righteousness into his fragile true self, and White doesn’t have any past baggage with Sean, so by episode 5 he had already decided to trust him. Sean can see through White’s mask of Black into his true self, but he does have past baggage with Black... which is why he can’t bring himself to fully trust White. So by episode 6, Sean and White are in different stages when it comes to each other, and that’s what makes their relationship reach their lowest point: White drops the Black mask and starts interacting with Sean as himself, but Sean is still treating White as Black.

Episode 6 starts with Sean’s test for White. It’s interesting that the test is a parallel to the incident that made Sean stop trusting Black - what hurt Sean, Black’s lack of care for him as a person, is what he wants to see here. It’s a sign of how Sean and Black are actually very alike (which is one of the reasons why they don’t get along), but it’s also a sign of Sean’s deteriorating mental health and the downward spiral he’s going through in this episode.

White obviously doesn’t do what Black would do - just like he helped Sean with the tear gas, he sells out the others to save Sean. While both scenes parallel Black’s, there’s an escalation here, because when White helps Sean with the tear gas, he’s still trying to pretend to be Black. So he says “if it was real life, I’d leave you for dead”, and then Sean calls his bluff here. But now White isn’t even trying to pretend to be Black, so not only he saves Sean’s life, he also then says “Your life is more valuable than you think”.

That obviously has a big impact on Sean; as already established, Sean has not experienced this kind of care since his parents passed away, and it’s a shock this is coming from Black, of all people. Sean can’t reconcile the old Black who didn’t care about him with this new one, who not only cares but is so blatant about it too. He can’t let himself believe Black is being sincere.

That’s why he doesn’t respond to White’s subsequent attempts at discussing the plan with anything besides “it’s my plan, you should follow my orders”. Because that’s the only way he can understand Black, through their respect for the mission. If Black really does care, he will respect Sean’s orders just like Sean respected Black’s.

But it’s not Black here, it’s White. And it’s White trying to reach Sean as White, his Black facade completely dropped. But Sean is interpreting these interactions through the wrong lens. When White tries to reach out to Sean about the problems with his plan, Sean only sees Black trying to undermine him and not trusting him once again.

That’s why when White sabotages the plan, Sean sees this as the ultimate betrayal. He can’t interpret it as White trying to stop the gang from commiting a huge error; he can only see it as Black once again undermining his authority, not respecting or trusting him with a plan, and doing everything to ruin his ideas.

And Sean reacts to this perceived betrayal like he usually reacts to Black: with violence.

The ending scene of episode 6 is meant to be shocking to the audience, meant to showcase the lowest point of Sean’s relationship with White. But notice that White isn’t exactly surprised that Sean reacts so violently. And everything becomes clear when Black comes back after episode 9, and we actually see the two interact; that level of violence is just… how Black and Sean interact.

What makes it shocking is that Sean thinks he’s dealing with Black, the strongest fighter of the team who can more than hold his own in a fight. But he’s actually inflicting all this violence on White, who we already established is the opposite of Black when it comes to this topic. That’s why this scene is so violent: it’s the culmination of Sean and White’s miscommunication, but also of White’s own act of trying to live as himself through Black’s identity.

Episode 7: The Middleground

To understand how Sean and White go from their lowest point in one episode, to holding hands under the pride flag in the next episode, you need to pay attention to not only their scenes together, but also what’s going on outside their bubble - in this case, Sean’s scenes with Yok and Yok’s mom.

To recap, Sean is very confused and hurt because he’s affected by this new Black, and the care this new Black shows towards him, but he can’t let himself trust him because of the history he has with old Black. And when White sabotaged his plan, Sean saw that as confirmation that Black was only building Sean up to watch him fail.

That’s where the politics come in. When Yok says Sean’s plan had good intentions but was badly executed, and then Yok’s mom shows how Sean’s plan affected the workers, these are all outside sources confirming what White kept trying to tell Sean during episode 6. The scenes are used to open Sean to the idea that maybe he’s been misunderstanding this new “Black” all along. And then, Sean goes to the protest and sees that it was successful… and sees White amongst the protesters, holding a pride flag and screaming “Tawi out, marriage equality!”.

The politics are what makes Sean finally reach the same point White reached in episode 5, of finally accepting he trusts this person. When Sean sees the protest White sparked, and how successful it was, he sees White really wasn’t trying to sabotage his plan; he was being truthful when he said he wanted to see Sean succeed. The politics tie into the interpersonal: the realization of White being on his side politically speaking makes Sean realize he’s not like the “old Black”, and that this care and attention the “new Black” is showing towards him is real.

So this isn’t a sudden 180º; Sean doesn’t go from hating White to loving him in one episode. The connection and attraction Sean feels towards White were built during the first episodes, and episode 6 was the last hurdle he had to go through before finally acknowledging he really is falling for “Black”.

And he’s not completely in love yet; like the director and the actors said, this is where Sean starts falling in love. After he accepts he was wrong about White, he decides to try trusting White’s word that he cares about him, and see where it leads him. And so he goes to White’s (Black’s) home.

Episode 8: The Realization

Sean chooses to take this chance of maybe opening up to White, and of course White blows this opportunity out of the water, and more than surpasses expectations. Note that the conversation in Black’s room starts with politics before delving into Sean’s personal backstory. And the backstory serves to, amongst other things, explain Sean’s ideology. Once again the politics tie in with the interpersonal, and are intrinsic to understanding it.

So Sean chooses to try opening up to White, and is met with 100% of White’s care and acceptance. White says with all words that he trusts Sean, and wants Sean to trust him too. And Sean didn’t trust White the last time, and things didn’t end well. So now he decides to believe in White’s word.

Of course, we the audience know White isn’t being completely truthful, and in fact he’s being a bit of a hypocrite, saying he wants Sean to trust him when White isn’t telling him the whole truth. But the thing is: Sean, on some level, is aware of that.

White’s identity arc doesn’t end this episode, but its relation to the romance reaches a climax here. Because it’s where Sean discovers he doesn’t know the whole truth, but decides to trust White anyway, accept he fell in love, and pursue this love.

There’s no way to know if Sean arrived at Black’s house already suspicious and with a plan to get White drunk and go through his things while he’s asleep, or if he got suspicious after their talk. The thing is Sean was suspecting something about how different this “new Black” was acting. And after he went through his things, he knew for sure something was going on. He knew “Black” was keeping something from him, he just didn’t know what exactly.

So what does Sean decide to do? He “punishes” White by tying him to the bed, and then immediately after that decides he’ll kiss him anyway and not pressure him about telling the truth before he’s ready.

That’s his trust fall.

As much as we all wanted Sean to already know the truth, the more I think about it, the more I think making Sean not know was the right choice, thematically speaking. Because it’s easy to “trust” someone who’s keeping secrets when you already know said secrets, right? That’s not really trust. The real difficulty is knowing someone is keeping something big from you, not knowing exactly what it is (even if you have your suspicions), and choosing to put your trust on them anyway.

And Sean does that because he may not know White’s name, but he knows who he is. It doesn’t matter that White is posing as Black, because all of his actions towards Sean have been 100% White. And White already proved that to Sean, when he showed him compassion, care, comforted him through his nightmares, and offered him sincere, effective help towards his goal of ending Tawi.

The themes of White vs Black, White’s identity, and White’s ideologies all tie together into the realization that White may not be sure of who he is right now, but even when he doesn’t know, Sean knows, and Sean loves him. And that’s what’s going to carry them through the second half of White’s arc, when Black comes back and rightfully takes back his life.

#not me the series #not me #not me spoilers #seanwhite #tv

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roughentumble · 2 years ago

Note

Ok Shawn, lay it on me.

1) jaskier doesnt realize theyre dating

2) drunk Belleteyn marriage

*hands on chin*

ooooo, ok! i'll put both under a cut to spare people's dashes. if you'd like more of #1, i have a further snippet posted over here

1) jaskier doesnt realize theyre dating. the clunky scene explanations are there because i never managed to bridge two scenes that kind of, NEEDED to get bridged for the story to make any sense haha

"Ugh," Lambert gripes, nose in his tankard and face screwed up, "pretty boy's been such a drag since the two of you got together."

[geralt is off buying another pitcher for the table, lambert and eskel are bickering while jaskier's world caves in on itself]

[...]

[theyre sitting with geralt's arm around jaskier's shoulders, geralt won a round of three-way gwent against eskel and lambert and has won the first pot of the night. geralt has just glanced over and noticed his blush]

Geralt's brow furrows a bit in concern, and he leans back from the table a bit so he can turn his attention away form the conversation and towards Jaskier. "Are you alright?" He asks, speaking lowly, just to Jaskier. "Your face is red... usually takes you longer than this to get in your cups."

"I'm fine," Jaskier tries, but the little furrow doesn't let up, and Geralt gently presses the back of his hand to Jaskier's forehead to check his temperature. After a moment he turns and flags down a serving girl.

"Some water, some bread, and a bowl of soup, if you would." He says, and drops a few of his recently won coins into her waiting palm.

"Really, I'm fine," Jaskier tries again, feeling rather silly and stone-cold sober.

"Don't worry about it," Geralt says, stroking a hand up and down Jaskier's back in an attempt to comfort. "I know how much food helps you, once you've had a bit too much, and I've more than enough to pay for it."

"Yeah, /my/ money, being used right in front of me for that corny shit." Lambert says, and makes an exaggerated gagging noise.

"You don't like it, why don't you win it back?" Geralt smirks, brow raised in obvious challenge, voice losing some of that gentle sincerity now it's being used to banter with his brother.

========

2) drunk Belleteyn marriage. oof, this one is rougher than i remembered it being, according to the notes i left for myself i was attempting to get down all the details i could before i forgot them, while suffering through a rather spectacular headache. so it’s littered with typos. i’ll try and bridge the two fic overviews i have written so they’re comprehensible. i am preserving the typos tho so you can get a sense of just how heroically i struggled to get the words out, lmao XD

geralt and jaskier get married on belleteyn in some small rural town. they are both drunk when it happens, theyre both not making the best choices maybe, but geralt is cognizant(if impaired). JASKIER is blackout. geralt ddoes not realize this.

they wake up together in bed. geralt is half on top of jaskier, warm and happy and very much in love. being drunk gave him the courage to act on his feelings, and despite the headache he's very much at peace w/ whats happened. jaskier wakes up under him, does not remember getting married. takes him a little bit to cotton on to that fact. when he does realize, he awkwardly goes "we can annul it", and its like the first thing he says, and hten he awkwardly adds that its not the first time he's had to jump out ofa belleteyn fling.

geralt is really upset but tries to hide it. he thought jaskier was sincere.

jaskier does want him back, but thinks that geralt was just drunk and that his could ruin their friendship.

(i remember imagining a scene of geralt pulling off his ring to examine the inside while jaskier's out of the room. they're posey rings, and htey each picked one out for the other. geralt picked "love above all else" in latin for jaskier[amor super omnia i think??], and the one jaskier picked for him is something poetic like "this is the shape of my love," meaning ring-shaped, meaning endless. he thought it was very poetic and was instantly like THIS ONE you HAVE TO geralt

he has an angst moment where hes internanly like "i really thought.... it was sincere. i just thought it was real" maybe he feels a little silly, like those girls jask leads on. and then on top of that hes like "nah. jask was too drunk to be doing that. he didnt know what was going on. which i should have realized, but..."

they kissed on the altar and it was kind of gross and sloppy and had too much spit, because they were both drunk, but geralt absolutely romanticized it anyway.)

theres a lot of angsting and depression about it. on bothi sides

they go get it annuled becuz jaskier is saying they shoiuld, and geralt is feeling all Bad and Self Sacrificial, and at the annulment jaskiers like "listen neither of us remember it we were blackout drunk" and geralts like "i remember it"

and jaskiers like WHAT and geralt like i remember it. i wasnt blackout

“what do you mean you remember, what do you remmeber?”

“there-- were buttercups.”

“what?”

*blushes* “there were all these yllow flowers, and among them were.... buttercups.” (said in a very soft voice, lots of awkwardly pausing in the middle of his sentences)

anyway, eventually this leads to them both actually Talking, and then they kiss on the Mouth, and it’s so emotional and jaskier is looking at the ring geralt picked out FOR HIM and nearly crying, and it’s the culmination of all their angst and pining, and the annulment guy is like. thanks. for this. please kiss somewhere else.

++plus extremely rudimentary attempts at blocking out a scene(i still had a headache)

[starts with them waking up in bed together]

[geralt laying on top of jaskier, jaskier's forhead pressed against geralt's chest. he's not smothered, but it is difficult to breathe. jaskier, though hesitant to ask him to move(since theyre both happy and comfortable, and jaskier wants to savor it) is feeling pretty squished, and assumes geralt wont be happy once he wakes. he muses that geralt must be a cuddly drunk.]

[at first geralt wont do it-- complaining, tucking in closer, snuffling into jaskier's hair, all half-asleep. at one point he rolls all of his body weight onto jask on purpose, just to tease him, but eventually he lets up. takes a moment to stare at jask's face, just becase he can. jask is like "What, whats the matter" but geralt's just like "its nothing, dont worry."]

[jaskier notices the ring on geralt's hand, laying on the bed between the two of them. he notices the ring on his own hand as well, and makes the connection. "oh shit- um. we... we can annul it?" geralt freezes, brow instantly furrowing, and jaskier scrambles to make excuses about how it really isnt htat big a deal, happens all the time when he's drunk and the night is right, and really he's just trying to make geralt feel better because he's terrified of ruining their friendship, BUT]

[as it turns out]

[geralt remembered. and he was HAPPY about it. he was happily laying in his marriage bed with his husband all morning, looking forward ot the rest of the day. so this is, you know. a pretty upsetting revelation.]

#witcher tag #ogc tag #writing tag

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strawhatsweets · 3 years ago

Text

on loop

Todoroki x fem reader

-------------------------

I think angst is my thing lmao im sorry friends

warnings: ANGST, cheating, not a happy ending

aged up! quirkless au

---------------------------

I swallowed hard, feeling like I was trying to take a stone as a pill. I had felt this coming. The amount of times a week he 'went out with friends' or was too' busy' lately. Too busy for me. His girlfriend.

I pushed it off. I figured maybe he just needed space. I can be clingy.

He always posted on snapchat, I had no reason not to trust him.

Even after the first time I found a new number texting him. And the first time he left in the middle of dinner to 'run to the store' and came back with nothing. And the first time I found a bra that I was sure wasn't mine on our bedroom floor.

But seeing the snaps from Deku that night broke me. He didn't mean to get Todoroki in the background and send it to me. I wasn't meant to see some girl dancing on Todoroki. I wasn't meant to see Todoroki enjoying it. I wasn't meant to see her lips land on his neck, or his hand touch her chin, making her look up at him.

And I definitely wasn't meant to see him kiss her.

But I did. And since Deku had his infinity timer on his snaps, I let it play. Over and over again. As I squinted and tried to convince myself it was someone else. After seeing it loop 7 times, I slid down the wall and felt tears falling. My legs went numb. After the 12th loop, I couldn't breathe. Nothing felt real. After the 19th loop, I thought about all of the red flags and how stupid I was. My arms felt tingly. After the 23rd loop, I got mad. Finally. I was pissed. I couldn't believe him. During the 27th loop, I smashed the framed photo of us on our one year anniversary date against the wall. After the 34th loop, I threw his hoodie off of my side of the bed and screamed. During the 39th loop, I grabbed my suitcase and began shoving my most important items in it. After the 51st loop, the music from the snap got drowned out by the sound of feet coming up the stairs outside of our apartment.

During the 53rd loop, Todoroki walked through the door to the apartment that he would soon live in alone.

During the 54th loop, I caught my breath and wiped my tears.

During the 55th loop, Todoroki walked into the bedroom, taking in the shattered frame across the room, his hoodie on the floor, my zipped up suitcase, and my phone. The music. He recognized the music from just a little bit ago.

"What- whats going on babe?" He stuttered.

I laughed dryly, walked over to him, wiped the lipstick from his neck where she had kissed him, and held my palm up for him to see the baby pink that now stained me.

After the 60th loop, he looked like he saw a ghost.

After the 62nd loop, he grabbed my phone, staring in disbelief, just as I had a bit ago.

During the 65th loop, tears welled up in his eyes and he clicked the screen, making the snap finally leave my screen.

He looked up at me, now crying, and started to attempt to explain himself.

I ignored him completely, snatched my phone from his hand, and took my suit case towards to main door.

"Babe please- I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to-"

"Fuck off Todoroki. I've looked past all the red fucking flags, but this? Yeah. Not looking past this one. I hope she treats you like shit. I hope your heart hurts half as much as mine does. You have fucked me over for the final time. I'll be back for the rest of my things tomorrow." I stated, finally standing up for myself.

"Where you gonna stay- we can fix this babe-" he began begging.

"I'll find some place. Don't worry about me. You know, the same way you haven't been caring about me for months now." I opened the door, stepped out, and turned around. "Clean the rest of that pink off your neck. It clashes with your shirt, asshole."

I slammed the door, and walked down the stairs.

And for the first time in months, I felt some sort of closure.

My phone pinged. A snap from Deku.

"I hope you know that wasn't as accidental as it seemed. Couldn't stand seeing him hurt you like that. I'm here if you need me."

With a deep sigh, I called my best friend, asking if I could stay over for the night.

Here's to healing, right?

#mha angst #mha one shot #mha fanfic #todoroki x reader #todoroki angst #theres no happy ending #also i know nobody uses snapchat hush #lowkey a deku x reader lmao like thanks #todoroki fic #todoroki oneshot #duckugou

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wikiangela-fanfics · 4 years ago

Text

"How long will you stay?" - Sambucky

Part 3 to "You should smile more"

This took a looong while to write lmao

And it turned into a fucking long fic too hahaha (8k words, wow)

Idk, I actually like this one 😊

and again, thank you SO SO SO much to @tasteslikestrawbebbies for beta-reading ♥♥♥ really wouldn't be able to post it without you haha

Ao3

Part 1, Part 2

Enjoy ♥

***

Soon, they went out and Sam was relieved to not be alone with Bucky.. He still wanted him as close as possible, and he might have been walking way too close to him, their shoulders brushing. He desperately wanted to kiss Bucky, too. He really felt like he was getting addicted to those lips after just three kisses. He needed it. Fortunately, they were around people, so he was able to stop himself. He wasn’t that far gone yet.

They took a stroll around the neighbourhood, and went to the docks, meeting people everywhere. Bucky turned on his charm and everyone seemed to take to him. It seemed so natural, but at the same time it was bizarre. Sam was amazed. He’s known Bucky for a few years now, and he would never imagine him being so… charismatic. He knew stories about young Sergeant Barnes, from before he became the Winter Soldier, he heard how Bucky used to be. But to actually see it, it was odd. But also really nice, to get to see and know this side of him. He looked so… at peace. Sam has never seen him like that before he came to visit. It seemed that his little town might just be the place for Bucky to settle in. Sam found that he would really like that.

So yeah, people were nice, as Sam had told Bucky they were, and no one cared about his past or his metal arm. All that mattered was that Bucky was polite and friendly, and so fucking charming. Sam couldn’t stop staring at him, and he was pretty sure there was a soft smile on his face, and he wouldn’t be surprised if his eyes turned into freaking hearts. And people were smiling at him as if they could see it, which, yeah, he didn’t even bother trying to hide it.

Other than introducing Bucky to the people they were meeting, he took Bucky all around the town. He showed him all the places he used to hang out at, all the places that had some history and stories Sam could tell Bucky… and Bucky seemed to really enjoy listening to him. Of course he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t tease Sam the whole time, but Sam had a nice time with him.

With that and everyone stopping them for a short conversation, which sometimes lasted so long Sam had to make up excuses for why they really had to go, it was already early afternoon when they were on their way back. They were walking, because nothing was actually that far, and it’s not like they were in a hurry. Sam actually really enjoyed just being in Bucky’s company.

“So how do you like the town?” Sam asked, glancing over at Bucky. And again he was struck by how gorgeous that man was. His hair was a bit messy from the wind, he was looking ahead, so Sam could only see his side profile, the sun illuminating it, making his perfect face look even better, somehow. His expression was calm and almost blissful.

“It’s great.” Bucky smiled, looking briefly at Sam. “I really like it here.” he added almost shyly. Which was a new look on him. “The town is beautiful, the people are nice… and spending time with you isn’t the worst.” his voice was quieter now, as if he didn’t really want to admit that. Sam chuckled and purposefully bumped his shoulder into Bucky’s.

“Thanks. You’re not a horrible company either.” he responded, earning a beautiful grin from Bucky. And then he tripped and almost fell, which made him realize that he’s been staring at Bucky non-stop for the past couple of minutes. He cleared his throat, averting his gaze and looking back at the road ahead. He hoped Bucky didn’t see him almost tripping, but he wasn’t looking at him anymore so he wouldn’t know what his expression was. “So you like it here.” Sam repeated Bucky’s words. Buck hummed in confirmation. “Then, uh, how long do you think you’ll stay?” he dared a small sideways glance at him.

“I promised-” Bucky started, but Sam interrupted him.

“No, I know, I know. I just mean.” he sighed, cursing himself for starting the topic. “Let’s say I wouldn’t want you to go. Wouldn’t tell you to leave.” because he’d never do that. He wanted Bucky around as long as possible. “How long do you think you’d wanna stay?” he was looking at his feet now. He didn’t see Bucky, who was quiet, so he was worried about what the answer might be. And then he had a ridiculous thought - what if Bucky didn’t want to be there at all and came just because he promised? Which was just insane, he had just told Sam he liked to be there.

“As long as you want me here.” Bucky replied finally. Sam looked at him again. Bucky seemed and sounded confident in his words. He was still looking ahead, but there was a fond smile on his lips. “However long that might be.” he turned his head and their eyes met. Sam couldn’t contain the wide, happy smile that he felt tugging at his lips. Bucky’s smile widened as well in response. He reached out and squeezed Sam’s hand for a second before letting go and looking ahead again. They fell into a comfortable silence.

It was what Bucky said before. The same words. But Sam knew they had different implications here. Despite there being just two sentences, there was much more said between them at that moment. Sam believed he understood Bucky perfectly, and if not, well, then he was an idiot with way too high hopes. But from what he got out of it, he knew that Bucky wanted to stay. He wanted to be there, maybe permanently. In this town, in Sam’s life. He was happy here, that much Sam could see just by looking at Buck. And if Sam never told him to go, he would just stay. Forever. And Sam was down with that. He would love that. He wanted Bucky around for the rest of his life… and that thought was scary. And it led to: oh my God, I think I love him. Which was even scarier. They kissed three times, they were going on a date, Bucky was making jokes and innuendos about them having sex, and yet Sam still wasn’t sure where they stood. Because nothing with Bucky was easy, and it never would be. But he was alright with that. They needed to talk, but they would get to that. Maybe by then Sam would stop freaking out about the fact that he’s in love with James Bucky Barnes, the guy he had sworn he didn’t wanna see after the whole thing with Karli and the Flag Smashers was over. Separate long vacations. Yeah, right. Now he never wanted them to be apart again. How that happened, he had no idea, but here they were.

He looked at Bucky again and smiled. He didn’t need to know how it happened, even if it was the most insane thing that could’ve happened to him, and that includes all the robots and aliens they fought, and even being snapped out of existence for five years. All he needed was Bucky, and he was sure now that he would always be there.

“Gotta find something to do, though.” Bucky broke the silence after a while. “Can’t go around the town and do nothing every day.”

“We have time to figure it out.” Sam said without thinking.

"We, huh?" Bucky smirked, glancing at Sam. When their eyes met, his smirk turned into a wide grin. We could be understood as yeah, me too, can’t save the world every day, but he did not mean it in that way, not entirely. He meant me too, but also, we’ll figure it out together because you’re staying with me and I love you. And he knew Bucky got that, maybe without that last part, that was just… it was like once he thought about it and realized it, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was repeating in his head and he felt like a giddy, lovesick teenager. He got it bad.

“Shut up.” Sam rolled his eyes, shoving Bucky lightly. He couldn’t help but grin back. His hand itched to grab Bucky’s, but he didn’t think they were there yet. So he kept his hands to himself, changing the topic and conversing with Bucky for the rest of the way.

***

They ended up going to the docks again and hanging out with some people there, and helping with some stuff. Bucky even ended up lending a hand with moving some heavy things. While Sam watched with a huge grin on his face, because Bucky was beautiful, and when he was in a t-shirt, showing off his strength, picking up such weights easily as if it was nothing… that was doing it for Sam.

And he knew he was being really obvious, as he was getting knowing looks and smirks from people around him, who have known him forever, but he didn’t care. He meant it when he said that those people were always welcoming and accepting. It was his favorite place in the world. And it just got even better, with Bucky staying for an indefinite period of time. He just couldn’t help smiling at the thought. And it was on his mind a lot.

“You’re really gone on that boy, huh?” said Mrs. Harris, one of his neighbors, who was sitting next to him at the moment. There was a fond smile on her face. “You’ve been swooning over him since he came here the first time.” she observed, obviously having seen them together before, probably when they were working on the boat.

Sam just blushed and rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop smiling. Then he chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I think I am.” he said with a sigh. If Bucky’s super hearing could pick it up from where he was, Sam didn’t care. He would be glad, actually, because that meant he didn’t have to say it to Bucky’s face, at least for now.

They talked some more, then Bucky joined them, and they just sat there for a while, chatting and hearing all the neighbors tell Bucky stories about the town. But then it got late. And they had a date.

“C’mon, old man.” he said, clapping Bucky on the leg, as he was getting up. Bucky just looked at him in confusion. “We have a thing, remember?”

“Right.” a wide smile showed up on his face. “Well, we gotta go. It was nice talking to you all.” Bucky said, as he also got up, smiling charmingly at their company.

As they were walking back, Sam could feel Bucky staring at him. He wasn’t gonna comment on that this time, remembering how he was the one staring at Bucky before, which he obviously had to notice.

“What?” he asked finally, as they were getting close to the house. Sam wanted to get cleaned up after the day and maybe look kinda nice, even if they were just going to the local bar for drinks and something to eat.

“You sure you wanna go on a date with me?” Bucky asked, a bit shyly. Sam looked at him with a frown. “Tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You don’t wanna go? ‘Cause we don’t have to.” he added quickly, not wanting to seem pushy. Though, to be fair, Bucky did agree. Making inappropriate jokes that made Sam’s brain stop working while he was at it.

“Of course I wanna.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I just mean, we spent the whole day together. I would get it if you were fed up with me.” he chuckled.

“I’m always fed up with you.” was Sam’s automatic response. “I just… you might be the most annoying person I’ve ever met, and yet I still wanna hang out with you.” he shrugged. Bucky just hummed in acknowledgment. “But we can just stay at home and watch a movie or something. If you want.” he added, thinking that maybe Bucky just didn’t wanna go out, since he clearly stated that he did want to go on a date. Which still sounded ridiculous. Sam and Bucky going on a date. Insane. But then again, so was them kissing and Sam being in love with Bucky.

“Sam.” he didn’t have to look to know that Bucky rolled his eyes. “I wanna do whatever you wanna do.” that was interesting, because Bucky explicitly said that they’re not gonna do what Sam wants to do tonight, not on the first date or whatever. But Sam wasn’t about to say that, he didn’t want to seem desperate. Although he had a feeling Bucky might know what he was thinking anyway. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything either, but there was a smirk on his face, when Sam glanced at him.

“Then we’re gonna go for a drink.” Sam decided. He was surprised to find that he was actually looking forward to that. To have some sense of normalcy after all he’s been through the last couple of years. Of course by normalcy he meant going out for drinks with a person he was attracted to and had feelings for. That person being Bucky was still a huge shock, but who was he to question it? The heart wants what it wants. And his traitorous heart apparently wanted Bucky.

“Okay.” Bucky said, bumping his shoulder into Sam’s. While doing that, the back of his hand touched Sam’s and he has never wanted to hold someone’s hand more. But before he could make up his mind on whether to go for it, they got to the house and Bucky went to take a shower after the day of walking everywhere and then helping out at the docks.

***

Around an hour later they were at the bar. They ordered their drinks and food and… they were sitting there in silence, opposite each other. But it wasn’t weird or uncomfortable, it never was between them. And before Sam realized it, they were having a staring contest, initiated by Bucky, who had an amused smirk on his face. Like always, Sam could not win with the master of staring, especially when the waitress brought them the drinks and snapped him out of it. He shook his head, chuckling.

“You’re impossible.” he said, but couldn’t contain a small, fond smile. Bucky just shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “Can I ask you a question?” he added, just to start any kind of conversation. And he was kind of genuinely curious.

“I think that’s usually what people do on dates. You know, talk.” Bucky answered, his voice low and quiet, but Sam heard him perfectly.

“Yeah, I know.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I was just wondering. If I hadn’t kissed you first…” he saw Bucky’s cheeks get pink and it was truly a sight to see. “Would you ever make a move?” he smiled smugly, as Bucky looked at the drink in his hands and licked his lips before answering. Oh wow, those lips. Suddenly Sam regretted going out because all he wanted to do was grab Bucky’s beautiful face and smash their lips together.

“If I was sure you felt the same way, yeah, probably.” Bucky shrugged, looking to the side now, his face red. It was so amazing how embarrassed he could get talking about feelings.

“So you like me?” that was a stupid question and Bucky’s look and raised eyebrow told him as much. But he asked anyway.

“You think if I didn’t, I’d still be here with you? On a date? Or that I would kiss you? Or, you know, want to stay here?”

“Yeah, okay, I know, dumb question.” Sam chuckled, taking a sip of his drink. “You know, a few weeks ago I never could’ve imagined we’d end up here.”

“No one could’ve.” Buck said. “I never thought that I’d even ever-” he cut himself off and chuckled nervously. “Nevermind.” he kept looking at the table.

“Buck.” Sam felt bold and took Bucky’s hand that was on the table. He didn’t give a fuck if people saw it, everyone in the town already knew he was in love with Bucky. And if it got out and the media found out… well, he also didn’t give a fuck. Not at the moment. He thought he knew what Bucky wanted to say, but he couldn’t be sure, so he just gave him a questioning look.

“It’s fine, I don’t wanna ruin the mood or whatever.” Bucky said, but didn’t pull his hand away.

“Okay, let’s change the subject then. But just so you know, you can talk to me about anything.” he added and Bucky just squeezed his hand and smiled. “Imma repeat myself again, but damn, your smile is gorgeous.” Sam added with a goddamn involuntary sigh, already feeling embarrassed at saying that. He should really get a grip, but Bucky’s smile was just doing things to him. At the sight, his pulse was quickening and his heart was doing backflips, and his lips were automatically forming into a smile too.

“If I knew all I had to do was smile to get you like this, I’d have done this ages ago.” Bucky laughed, relaxing again.

“Really?” Sam’s eyebrow raised. Bucky blushed again.

“I mean, I always knew you were, um, hot.” his face was now red, and it was at the same time beautiful and satisfyingly funny. “I didn’t like you very much, but, you know.” he shrugged. Sam was grinning now. “Oh, shut up.”

“I’m not saying anything.” he laughed. But he had to tease him a little bit. “Aw, you’ve had a crush on me for ages. That’s adorable, Bucky.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You basically did.” Sam argued with a teasing smile.

“I didn’t use the word crush. Because that’s not true.”

“Do you even know what having a crush means?” Sam questioned.

“Yes, I know what it means.” Bucky’s tone sounded almost offended that Sam would even imply that he wasn’t up to date with all the slang and what-not. He knew that Bucky was behind on a lot of things, which was really understandable, of course, but still it was very amusing. “I can use the Internet. And I talk to people.”

“Really? You talk to people?” Sam’s eyes widened in mock-shock. “Who? You hang out with people young enough to know shit like that? Wow, and here I thought you only talked to me, or some old men. You know, closer to your old, old age.”

“And you say that I'm annoying.” Bucky rolled his eyes, probably already knowing that Sam was not gonna let that go. Although, truth be told, Bucky had some things he could tease Sam about, too. “But you gotta admit, despite my ‘old, old age’, I still got it.” he smirked. “I mean, I have you practically throwing yourself at me.”

“So your memory’s back now?” he decided to not acknowledge the comment about throwing himself at Bucky. It was kinda true, anyway, there was no arguing, and that fact just made him blush.

“Yeah, thanks to you. Forgot already? Maybe your memory needs some refreshing, too.” he felt Bucky’s foot bumping into his, almost like a kick, but lighter.

“Maybe it does.” Sam automatically licked his lips, earning a huge, smug grin from Bucky. His gaze focused on Bucky’s lips. “Yeah, that might just be the case.” he added a little distractedly, not able to stop staring, making Bucky’s smile widen. And there was another nudge to his foot under the table, which snapped him out of his daze. “Sergeant Barnes, are you trying to play footsie with me right now?” he asked with equal amounts of amusement and amazement.

“Oh, am I?” Bucky asked faux innocently, looking Sam straight in the eyes, as their feet were now basically tangled together. It was new and different, and completely unexpected, but not unenjoyable, especially seeing that amazing smile on Bucky’s face. “I’m pretty sure I just moved my foot, and you started assuming shit.” Bucky added, his tone teasing, while one of his legs basically wrapped itself around Sam’s calf. A thought crossed his mind that they were at the bar and the lack of any kind of tablecloth was making their legs visible to anyone who looked in their direction. At least it was dark. But honestly, he didn’t really care. He couldn’t, when all he could focus on was Bucky and his smirk and that mischievous glint in his eyes, and the fact that he was touching him. Sam’s skin felt like it was on fire, and Bucky looked like he was having the time of his life.

“You’re impossible.” Sam repeated with a soft laugh. Bucky just winked at him and took a sip of his drink. And the way Sam’s insides fluttered at the wink... He was just so gone on Bucky it was ridiculous. He was just glad they could still act normally, joke and tease each other, without any awkwardness, despite the very obvious tension in the air.

The rest of the evening remained in the same light, happy tone, they talked all the time, about a lot of different things, obviously adding some teasing, like they always do, and some flirting, too. They had some more to drink, which caused Sam to get quite tipsy, while Bucky seemed stone-cold sober. The damn super soldier metabolism. Sam didn’t really think about that when suggesting to get a drink.

So now here they were, walking back home, Sam constantly bumping into Bucky every couple of steps, which the old man found really amusing. To be honest, Sam figured that if he had two or three drinks more, he would be tripping over his feet. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Otherwise he would die from embarrassment. Well, he still might, because apparently tipsy Sam talked without any filters.

“So are you staying because you like it here or because I’m here?” Sam asked at some point and if he was sober he would freak out. Or, he wouldn’t let the words out of his mouth, because that was just… completely unnecessary. Additionally, he wrapped his hands around Bucky’s arm and basically clung to him, which he didn’t even realize at first. He was both too tipsy, and too comfortable with Bucky. Maybe the last part was a good thing, since they were trying to build something here, but he was aware that a big part of their whole relationship was teasing and making fun of each other, so he knew that he would probably be reminded of his clinginess at some point.

"What do you think?" Bucky answered, turning his head to look at Sam with amusement and a smirk.

“I think you just wanna be where I am.” he said, more sure and confident than he was about anything else. “And if I went back to DC, you’d go with me.”

“Do you wanna go back?”

“I mean, I’ll have to, eventually.” Sam shrugged with one arm. He was vaguely aware that he was really leaning on Bucky at that point, but he didn’t seem to mind. After all, he was super strong, so that probably wasn’t even fazing him. It occurred to him that Bucky must’ve been pretty comfortable with him too, if he didn’t mind him invading his personal space that much. “It’s better to be close if the people need Captain America.” he said with exaggerated pride. He knew it would be hard, and his doubts were still there, but he could do it. He had to. Plus, he wasn’t alone, he’d have Bucky with him, hopefully. “I have a place there. I’d probably get a job.” he added. He’d been thinking about it, and it made sense. He couldn’t just stay in Louisiana forever, as much as he’d like that. And he needed to make a living somehow. But that all was stuff to think about when he wasn’t intoxicated. Right now, it was Bucky who had all his focus. “So, you know, this is more like vacation. Which we deserved. And then we’re gonna go back to DC. Or Brooklyn, if you prefer that, that’s good enough for me.” He talked too much. He was tipsy and he kept talking and he was a bit afraid he would freak Bucky out with all his planning for the future. They were on one date, for God’s sake. He needed to chill. But then again, he was a bit drunk, so he didn’t care all that much at the moment.

“We, huh?” Bucky chuckled. “That’s presumptuous.”

“C’mon, like you’re not gonna follow me anywhere I go.” Sam rolled his eyes. He really felt super confident right now. That could end with him saying even more embarrassing things, but he’d leave freaking out for the morning.

“You might have a point.” Bucky somehow freed his arm from Sam’s grasp and put it around his arms, bringing him as close as he could while still walking. “If you want me, I’ll go wherever you want.” Sam felt a kiss on his forehead. Oh, so Bucky was gonna be sappy now? Well, maybe he figured since Sam was drunk, he would get away with saying shit like that without teasing later.

“Aw, that’s adorable.” Sam ginned. “Never would’ve guessed that you can be so cute.”

“I’m not cute, shut up.” Sam didn’t need to look at Bucky to know that he rolled his eyes, but his tone of voice was light and amused.

“You shut up.” he shoved Bucky lightly. “I had a nice time.” he added suddenly, changing the topic completely. “Tonight. With you.”

“Me too, Sam. Like I said earlier, you’re not the worst company. Or the worst date.” Buck responded, laughing when Sam elbowed him, with what was supposed to be his full strength, but clearly didn’t work. And just like that, they were back to bantering the rest of the way.

***

They barely stepped inside the house when Sam pulled Bucky in for a long, enthusiastic kiss. Honestly Sam thought about those lips the whole evening, and he just wanted to keep kissing Bucky for as long as he could. Which wasn’t very long apparently, because Bucky pulled away way too soon.

“It’s late. You should get some sleep.” he said and went towards the living room, leaving Sam in the hallway, a little confused. It wasn’t that late. And they could stay up, it wasn’t like they had work in the morning or anything. Wow, he realized that he really just wanted to stay up and make out with Bucky. Well, not only make out, but nothing more was going to happen, so he’d settle for kissing.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked as he followed the other man into the room.

“Going to sleep. What does it look like I’m doing?” Bucky glanced at Sam before reaching for the folded blanket.

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch, you know?” Sam said, leaning on the doorway, probably emboldened a bit by the alcohol. “Plenty of room in my bed.” Bucky looked back at him, a suggestive smirk forming on his face. “Don’t even- I mean sleep. Just sleep.” Sam hurried to add before Bucky could make a comment and remind him that it’s not happening. “Get that fucking smirk off your face before I change my mind.” that got a small chuckle out of Bucky.

“You sure?” he looked kinda nervous as he put the blanket down and turned fully towards Sam.

“Yes, I’m sure. Don't make it weird.” Sam rolled his eyes, walking over to Bucky, grabbing his hand, and leading him to his room. Before that, Bucky managed to grab his bag from the couch.

Once they changed and settled in bed, Sam basically laid on top of Bucky’s chest, their faces close.

“Uh, hi?” Bucky said with a confused smile.

“Hi.” Sam answered, grinning like an idiot, before capturing Bucky’s lips in his again.

Bucky immediately reciprocated, putting his metal hand on Sam’s back, and his flesh one on the back of his head. Sam put one of his hands on Bucky’s cheek, while the other he used to prop himself up. Feeling Bucky’s strong body underneath him was incredible and a bit frustrating, because he just wanted him even closer. His head was swimming, probably from the alcohol, but he chose to believe that at least part of it was because of Bucky’s kisses. It was getting more and more heated, with tongues and teeth, and Sam’s hand started to travel from Bucky’s face to his arms and chest… and that’s when Bucky broke the kiss with a groan. Sam was vaguely aware of making a disappointed sound too, as he chased after his lips.

“So that is why you wanted me in your bed.” Bucky said, licking his lips as he looked up at Sam. “Are you trying to get in my pants, Wilson?” he raised his brow.

“Maybe.” Sam smirked, going in for another kiss, but Bucky leaned away, as far as he could with Sam still on top of him. “Buck.” he basically whined, though he’d never admit that. He just wanted to keep kissing him, goddammit.

“Sam, you gotta go to sleep. You’re drunk and tired, and it’s late. There will be plenty of time for this later.” he said, his hands trailing up and down Sam’s sides. It felt nice.

“Fine.” Sam murmured, then rolled off Bucky, but cuddled up to him immediately. “But can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Were you serious? About, y’know, the first date thing?” he felt like he was drifting off already, as soon as he laid his head down on Bucky’s flesh shoulder. Well, Bucky was right, he was really tired, apparently.

“In this case, yes.” he answered.

“Care to elaborate?” Sam asked, not feeling satisfied with the answer. What the hell did that even mean?

“I mean, if we were, I don’t know, in my apartment or something, and not in the same house as your sister and nephews, and if you weren’t drunk… who knows how the night would end.” there was a hint of teasing in his voice.

“So. When we’re alone and sober…” Sam trailed off. “Okay. That can be arranged.” at that Bucky laughed, maybe a little too loud, which made Sam shush him.

“Wow, you’re unbelievable.” he kept chuckling. “Calm down, we’ve only gone on one date.”

“Hopefully there will be more.” Sam was basically half-asleep at that point, but still awake enough to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah.” Bucky kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Buck.”

***

When he woke up, Bucky was wrapped around him, still sleeping soundly and calmly. It seemed like he didn’t have nightmares that night, and Sam was really happy for him. Bucky actually confided in him that it happened more rarely when he was here. That was good. He still had a long way to go, but that was progress. Sam turned so that he was facing Bucky, and smiled widely, running his fingers through his hair. He could wake up like that every day.

But then he was reminded of the alcohol he consumed the previous night, because he really needed to take a leak. He didn’t wanna wake Bucky, so he carefully tried to slip out of his embrace. He mostly succeeded, with the other man startling just twice, either not waking up somehow, or just choosing to stay in bed and not acknowledge the world just yet. In any case, Sam was free to go to the bathroom.

When he was done, he planned to just go back to bed, but he saw his sister in the kitchen, and smelled the delicious coffee she was drinking.

“Hi.” he greeted her, going straight for the coffee pot.

“Morning.” Sarah grinned, leaning against the counter, as Sam reached for the mug and poured himself some of the coffee. “How was your date?” she asked, her tone clearly teasing.

“It was great. Could’ve ended a bit better, but well, besides that, it was awesome.” he shrugged, leaning against the counter opposite Sarah. He had no idea why he was saying this, it would make more sense if Bucky was there and he could tease him about it, but nevermind. He just woke up and was before his coffee.

“Oh, so it was a date? You just said that you were going out.” Sarah was clearly a bit surprised, but also amused. He did say that when he saw her briefly before going out, because why would she need to know more? But he also didn’t feel the need to hide anything, especially from his sister.

“Yeah, Bucky and I went on a date.” he rolled his eyes, but couldn’t contain a smile. It sounded ridiculous and unreal, but it happened. He was on a date with Bucky, and then they slept in one bed. Crazy. “So would you stop flirting with him?” he added, just a little bit annoyed.

“Excuse me? He’s the one flirting with me” she laughed.

“You’re encouraging him, though. And he’s just being a little shit, he’s not flirting.” well, Sam wasn’t really sure about that, but he was gonna put a stop to it anyway. Again, he was not jealous. Just a bit irritated.

“Oh, I get it, he’s trying to rile you up, huh?” Sarah was grinning now. “But I know that, Sam.” she gave him an exasperated look. “I’ve known that he had eyes only for you since I met him. And you’ve been pretty obvious, too.” she took a sip of her coffee.

“No, I wasn’t. That’s bullshit.” he said, sounding offended. Even though it was more than probable for Sarah to see right through him. She knew him really well, after all.

“Sam. It’s enough that you look at him and you get this dreamy look on your face, and you can’t stop smiling. You’re so smitten.” she chuckled. Sam couldn’t argue with that. “I’m happy that you two worked it out, though.” she added, more seriously now. “But if he breaks your heart, I will kill him.”

“I don’t doubt that.” he laughed. “He won’t, but thanks, I appreciate it.” Sam felt silly thinking that, because they just started dating, but he genuinely believed that this is something that’s gonna last. He believed that Bucky wouldn’t leave him, or break his heart or whatever. In Sam’s mind, there was literally no chance for that. Which was ridiculous. Their relationship was new and fresh, and what if something like that did happen? But then again, he’s known Bucky for much longer, they’ve been through a lot together, and they developed some kind of friendship that seemed to naturally evolve into something more. Suffice it to say, he wasn’t worried. But he didn’t need to think about that now. He should really just take it one day at a time before freaking Bucky out or something.

They were silent for a moment, just sipping their coffees, before Sarah spoke up again.

“I see that Bucky didn’t sleep on the couch.” Sam just hummed to let her know he was listening, as her statement didn’t require an answer. “But you said that the date could’ve been better. So what went wrong?” she asked, seeming half curious, half amused.

“Apparently, Bucky’s a damn gentleman.” he grumbled into his mug, earning a loud laugh from Sarah.

Just then the object of their conversation walked into the kitchen, and Sam’s lips immediately formed into a wide grin.

“Mornin’.” Bucky greeted them, a soft smile appearing on his face too, upon looking at Sam.

“Hey, Buck. How’d you sleep?” Sam asked.

“Surprisingly well.” he answered, his smile widening. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.” Sam answered, at the same time as Sarah said:

“You.”

Sam gave her a death stare, while Bucky chuckled, his cheeks reddening. Before he could say anything, though, Sam asked: “Coffee?” already reaching for another mug.

Bucky looked amused, but it seemed that he let it go for now, accepting the coffee from Sam.

Soon after that, the boys came down for breakfast, which Sam had started on in the meantime.

Later, as they all sat at the table, eating breakfast and talking, Sam took a minute to just look at the rest of them. Bucky fit in so perfectly, everyone loved having him around. And he was so good with the boys, who were really excited whenever they got to spend time with him. As Sam was looking at Bucky intently listening to some story AJ was telling, while Cass tried to interject, and Sarah tried not to laugh but at the same time keep some sort of peace at the table, he knew that this was as close to perfection as it could get. This was his place and his family. He wouldn’t exchange it for anything. And as his gaze met Bucky’s, he was filled with so much affection and love, he felt as if his heart was about to jump out of his chest, and over to Bucky, probably. They smiled at each other and he knew that this, here, was the happiest he’s ever been.

***

It was about a week later when Bucky asked him out again. It was an agonizingly long week for Sam, with Bucky now sleeping in his bed, and them still not going further than some heated make-out sessions. Sam was pretty sure he was going to lose his mind if they kept this up. He loved just having Bucky around, and he loved that despite them getting romantically involved, their whole dynamic barely changed. But he was getting frustrated. So when Bucky suggested a second date, Sam eagerly agreed.

He couldn’t have expected what Bucky planned, though.

He found himself on his boat, just before sunset, a blanket spread on the deck, with a couple of pillows, and a picnic basket with some food and a bottle of wine. Sam was amazed.

“What the-” he cut off, looking from the prepared picnic to Bucky, and back at the boat. “I- uh, I had no idea you could be so, um, romantic.”

“Yeah, well.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I wanted to do something nice. And maybe spend some time alone.” he shrugged, his cheeks reddening. “And the boat is fixed up now, so… I gotta admit tho, Sarah really helped with the food. It’s not much, but-” he shrugged again.

“It’s amazing.” Sam smiled, bringing Bucky closer and leaving a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn’t that late and there were still some people at the docks, but he didn’t really give a fuck. He wanted to kiss Bucky, and that’s what he was gonna do, no matter what others might say. Or what might get leaked to the press. He would worry about that later.

“Okay, let’s just get going, before the sun goes down. I’ve been told that sunsets are romantic or some shit.” Bucky’s whole face was red now, and he clearly tried to downplay his emotions and the fact that maybe he also thought that sunsets are romantic and wanted to look at one with Sam. It was adorable, and Sam just wanted to stay in that moment forever.

“Yeah, okay.” he just said, still grinning from ear to ear.

Soon enough, Bucky steered the boat out on the water, quite far from the docks, while Sam made comments about how he’d better not drown his family’s boat and since when could he steer a boat, anyway.

The sun was quite low when they both finally sat down on the blanket. Bucky poured them wine, because of course the guy brough fucking wine glasses on deck, and they just sat there, enjoying the snacks prepared by Sarah, and looking at the beautiful sunset. At some point Sam glanced at Bucky though, and he couldn’t look away. Bucky was so gorgeous, and in that moment it was even more accentuated by the relaxed look on his face and the light from the setting sun. He was more beautiful than the sunset. And Sam just… Sarah was right, he was smitten. He was so gone, there was no turning back.

“You’re staring.” Bucky said, his gaze still on the horizon, taking a sip of the wine.

“I like the view.” Sam responded, enjoying how Bucky’s cheeks immediately got pink again. “Besides, you’re always staring. I think I’m entitled to stare a bit too.”

“Sure.” Bucky chuckled, glancing at Sam. Then he leaned in to kiss him. This kiss was short, chaste and sweet, and it was just perfect for that moment.

Sam loved kissing Bucky. They managed to kiss quite a lot in the short time since they’ve started doing that, but still every time they did, he felt the same excitement as if he was kissing him for the first time. And that reminded him of how nervous and panicked he was, which seemed silly now, that he could just lean in at any moment, and it would most likely be reciprocated.

And he loved this whole date, it was so simple and peaceful, and it was just them. Bucky really seemed to know what Sam wanted, or maybe he just wanted the same things, but either way, it was nice. It was wonderful. And so surprising, Sam never would’ve thought Bucky could come up with something like this. Although… did he, really?

“So, this date.” Sam leaned back on his hands, looking at Bucky curiously. “You thought of it yourself or did Sarah help you with that, too?” he kept his tone jocular, to make sure Bucky knew that he wasn’t serious. He loved it anyway, no matter where the idea came from.

“I came up with it.” Buck admitted, looking away. He seemed kinda shy, which only made Sam smile fondly. “I just thought you might like it.” he grumbled.

“I love it, Buck.”

“Good.” he looked at Sam, giving him one of his most charming smiles. “For once you’re not gonna complain.”

“I never complain.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself.” Bucky rolled his eyes and Sam kicked his leg lightly.

“You’re lucky I like to spend time with you, ‘cause usually you’re annoying the shit outta me.” Sam laughed.

“I am lucky.” Bucky’s voice was quieter and softer this time. Sam was amazed at how they could go from teasing and joking to serious conversation and right back. It was crazy, but then again, so were they.

“You’re gonna be all sappy the whole date?” he asked because it was stronger than him. Honestly, he wouldn’t really mind that.

“I dunno. But if you have a problem with that, you can always leave and go home.” he gestured vaguely towards the docks, which were pretty far away now.

“We’re on a boat, Buck.” Sam rolled his eyes, but he knew Bucky and he knew what he was gonna say next. So he was just humoring him now.

“Can’t you swim?” he smirked.

Sam chuckled despite himself. It wasn’t even funny, and he predicted that was what was gonna come out of Bucky’s mouth. And he still couldn’t help a laugh. His feelings and infatuation with Bucky were progressing, way too quickly for his liking.

A while later, they found themselves laying down on the blanket and pillows, looking up at the dark sky and the stars. It was a beautiful, clear night, and the stars were almost as captivating as Bucky, but not quite, which is why Sam kept glancing at him once in a while. A couple of times he caught Bucky looking at him, too, which made him feel all giddy.

They were also talking and finishing the one and only bottle of wine that Bucky brought.

Then at some point Sam propped himself up to take a sip of his last glass, and never laid back down, instead leaning in and kissing Bucky. Soon enough, they were full-on making out, pressed against each other. When Sam felt Bucky’s hands roam over his body, one even landing on his ass, this time he pulled away, albeit reluctantly. Bucky groaned in disappointment, moving his kisses to Sam’s neck.

“Sam, what the hell?” he asked, his voice muffled by Sam’s skin.

“Uh, I really don’t want you to stop. But I have a question.” Sam said, panting a bit already. Bucky sighed with exasperation and pulled back to look at Sam and raised his eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, last time it was not being alone in the house and the alcohol. So I just need to know if you changed your mind or if you’re just being a tease right now.” he said that more seriously than he felt, but he wanted to know how he should approach the situation.

“That’s why there was only one bottle of wine, Sam.” the exasperation was still in Buck’s voice. “Enough to get you a small buzz, without getting drunk. And I figured wine would’ve been romantic or something.” he mumbled the last bit, reluctantly letting it slip. “And it’s not a first date.” he added louder, with a smirk on his face.

“Okay.” Sam licked his lips and took a deep breath. “So we agree what’s happening here, right? We’re gonna do the nasty?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Just say have sex like a normal person.” Bucky rolled his eyes, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss again.

And finally, freaking finally, Bucky didn’t pull away when Sam’s hands slipped under his shirt. Even better, Bucky took it off and Sam could admire him in his full glory. He actually took a second to stop kissing and just look, because damn. He moved so now he was straddling his lap, and trailed his hands over Bucky’s chest and then down his arms, feeling the difference in the textures, and Bucky seemed a little bit nervous for a second, before Sam smiled and brought both his hands up to leave a kiss on each of them. He had no idea why but the metal arm was definitely doing it for him. Soon, that arm wrapped around his hips and brought him even closer to Bucky, if that was possible, and they kissed like that for what felt simultaneously long and too short. He briefly thought that it was so great that it was summer and the night was warm, but that thought disappeared as soon as Bucky flipped them over so that Sam was on his back, feeling the hard boards underneath, and Bucky started trailing kisses down his now bare chest. And he got lower and lower and lower… and Sam was losing his mind, this time in a good way. That was about to be the best night he’s had in a long while.

***

Later, laying on the pillows and the blanket that they were half wrapped up in, Sam felt blissful. Once again he couldn’t take his eyes off of the man beside him. He just… Bucky was the best thing that could’ve happened to him. He has grown so much over the past couple months, and Sam couldn’t have been more proud. He was an amazing person, with a big heart and this whole grumpy facade that hid a real softie. Sam loved their conversations and even, or especially, the bickering and teasing. He secretly loved Bucky’s sense of humor, too, even if it sucked and he was rarely funny. Plus, he was just gorgeous and Sam wanted to keep looking at him forever.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Bucky asked, his flesh hand tracing small patterns on Sam’s arm.

“Nothing.” he smiled, leaving a soft kiss on Bucky’s lips. It wasn’t really nothing. But he felt like it was too soon to say. Even if he was more sure of it than anything.

He was undoubtedly, completely, utterly in love.

Bucky raised his eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Just flashed him that gorgeous, soft smile, and Sam just melted, going in for another kiss, he just couldn’t resist. He hadn’t felt happier in years.

Yeah, he really loved Bucky.

THE END

#sambucky #sambucky fic #sambucky fanfiction #fluff #sambucky fluff #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sam and bucky #my writing #tfatws #third part #fanfic #last part #i suck at tags

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 5 years ago

Text

Alright alright alright

You’ve all been asking for it, so here it is!

This will be (edit: HELLA) long and obviously spoiler-y, so everything is under a cut.

Are you ready?

Before we get to it, I want to mention that for the sake of keeping things organized, I will NOT be talking about my AU (@ask-whitepearl-and-steven) in this post. I want to just analyze the show as a viewer and a fan first. I’ll make a seperate post for AU-thoughts a bit later.

Without further ado:

EP 1: LITTLE HOMESCHOOL

This is a great way to open up the episode and show the changes through the lens of someone who has been a bit out of it for a while (we are all Cherry Quartz, fresh from the hiatus, aren’t we?) but I’m sorry, this post still takes the cake:

Okay, okay, back to the program.

“That used to be a loaded question...“

Right off the bat, Steven is SO much more confident about saying that he’s... HIMSELF! What a good feeling. I’m very proud of our boy.

I love the name “Gemglyph” for the gem language! I’ll need to know who wrote these, though. And who the heck drew the diamonds? Hopefully it was BP.

And I’m not the first one to point this out, but MORE ANIME REFERENCES!

Which can be seen as either a reference to the Chill Low-Fi Hiphop Beats to Study To OR Whisper of the Heart.

And absolutely no one cares but something that caught my eye is the fact that they have an EARTH FLAG at Little Homeschool! How cool is that!

Earth 4ever!!!

Off-note - I love how INVESTED they are in this conversation Pearl is having with Holo-Pearl.

Peak entertainment.

I love Professor Amethyst and I love the random human who snuck in to apparently take lessons on Not Giving A Single Shit About Anything, Ever.

And here we FINALLY are in the FUTURE

Where we FINALLY get Jasper as a functioning character

And

She’s

SO DRAMATIC, I LOVE HER.

This is literally SO funny like she... she was just... laying on top of her house... under a blanket..... FOr WHAT? To stand up dramatically and throw it off when Steven inevitably paid a visit?

Is that just what she dOES?

“It’s FINE I don’t need any HELP, I’m FUNCTIONING, I’m just having a SELF CARE DAY OK”

Also I’m sorry but

Jasper: “It took forever to yank those puny green earthlings out of the ground.”

Steven: “You mean grass...?“

THIS. RIGHT HERE. is peak Jasper.

It’s also curious how INVESTED Steven is in this:

“I’m TRYING to give you [a purpose]!“

Why are you... trying to do that, though? Isn’t the whole idea for gems to surpass their ‘purpose’ and just kinda... do whatever? Isn’t Jasper just kinda... doing whatever?

I mean, sure, it’s not useful to anyone, but she seems relatively happy. Aside from. You know. The whole laying on rocks under blankets until she’s disturbed thing and-- okay, you’re right, maybe an intervention would be healthy.

I’m not gonna talk at length about the rest of the episode - although I think it’s really good, I don’t know what I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. Jasper is definitely poking Steven’s buttons and rephrasing a LOT of what WHITE has said to Pink: “You surround yourself with inferior gems because it makes you feel better.”

And Steven REACTS to this. The taunt WORKS.

And yes, he gains some extra powers for it, but something tells me this AIN’T the only thing he will get. It feels like a two-edged sword. Like it’ll be his own downfall somehow....... maybe at the end of the series.

Ashes to ashes.... hole to hole.

And oh wow I thought they were gonna bond but LMAO

“Consider your fight back there your first and ONLY lesson.“

Basically:

I love you Jasper.

EP 2: GUIDANCE

I LOVE YOU AMETHYST.

sHE’S doing SO much and she’s SO good at it!! Look at her!! Organizing stuff!!!!

RUBIES IN SUNGLASSES. IN SQUARE SUNGLASSES.

I need 20.

And I also need 20 of Larimar because holy shit that’s hilarious.

Larimar: “I want to hear the human screams forever.”

Steven: “Okay that’s kinda troubling.”

I love the reference to Monsters Inc here and I love the callback at the end of the episode when Larimar switches to Human Laughter to get her fill of that particular erm... need.

And honestly the ensuing chaos is equally predictable and entertaining.

I’m SO glad to know that Rubies are just... Like That and that actually Navy is not a deviation from the norm but rather a different flavor of the chaotic energy all Rubies naturally seem to possess.

Amethyst is also super relatable:

“Ah yes, the fool comes crawling back. Come to beg for forgiveness, have you?”

In fact, the episode’s WHOLe HUMOUR is just very much My Brand

“Sometimes you save all the people but the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean...... and that’s okay.”

Including the Running Gag that is Onion. Who... does not appear to have aged. At all. And that’s okay.

EP 3: ROSE BUDS

Okay where do I even begin with this one. Um.

I have to openly admit that I spent the majority of this episode wheezing with laughter. Let’s start with the Zoomans:

Who are CLEARLY STILL SUPER SALTY AT GREG ABOUT REJECTING THEM??? Which is hilarious.

And also this paradise is fascinating in and of itself.

But the next scene is basically where I started losing my shit.

Okay, okay, alright so. Uh. I have... a few questions.

Like Why. WHY. Does she look. SO MUCH like Rose?

Clearly Rose Quartz differ in coloring and etc. But She literally looks. Like THE Rose. VERY explicitly.

So here’s several options here:

1) Pink made Rose Quartz way before any of the Rebellion happened and Pearl just basically pigeonholed her into THIS specific Rose Quartz appearance because she (???) had a crush? Or somehow saw this specific Rose, thought ‘hot, i can make my sympathetic Diamond wear this exact costume and that would be EXCELLENT fanservice for ME’

2) Pink didn’t have any Rose Quartz until the Rebellion, and thereafter quickly decided ‘I need these gems as an alibi, so we’re just gonna make them” and she and Pearl basically inclubated Rose Quartz like a pokemon trainer hatching for a Shiny until they got one that looked Exactly Like That.

3) There was no Thinking involved because this is Pink we’re talking about, and it was all just a huge coincidence for the sake of this Very Hilariously Uncomfortable Episode.

While we ruminate on that, let’s look at some Relatable Reactions.

And here we have the holy trinity of “I have just seen the clone of my deceased parent/parental figure/lover.”

Featuring: Bonus ‘I’m Almost Over It’ Pearl

Also, I need y’all to make this into a meme:

For example:

Anyway, alright, alright.

That relatable feel when your (hot) dead lesbian lover’s clone asks you if you’re okay after another one of the (less hot?) clones offers you a whole ass stick of butter to eat.

And then you and your friends all hide in the bathroom to talk about your feelings:

Okay, the rest of the episode gives me FEELINGS and I love how hard Steven is trying, so I’ll just close it off with:

I LOVE THEM. Unironically, they are EVERYTHING I had hoped Rose Quartz would be. They’re SO MUCH like Rose herself - did she model her personality after them? Or are they just like her because she WAS like that, and they’re made from her essence? WHO KNOWS?! They’re adorable!

And the conflict between them and Steven is honestly so gooD! I don’t know if it’s completely relatable but I’m glad they ended up talking it out.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Her again... you know who I’m talkin’ about.

Her....

I’m madly in love with Rose, ok, I don’t need a callout post. Just leave me be.

EP 4: VOLLEYBALL

Alright, alright, alright.

OKAy,.... It’s fine. It’s FINE. I’m fINE.

Confirmed: 8000 years. That’s. UH. A LOT? That puts our timelines quite a ways back. We kind of estimated as much, but still, it’s so jarring to think about. And PP is VERY casual about it.

She’s also VERY casual about the injury.

“This is all Pink Diamond!”

It doesn’t seem like it bothers her to talk about it at all. She’s not even trying to keep it a secret. So I’m almost wondering - was there a connection to her being taken by White and the injury at all or not?

She came to Steven to get healed - she clearly wants it gone. At the time she was injured, did Pink not even attempt to heal the injury?

Follow up question: If she DID care, why didn’t she try to heal it?

Follow up to the follow up: Was it because she didn’t know she could? Or did she simply not have the time to (White removed her before she could)?

When Steven goes pink, she gasps - but makes no further comment. It’s presumably because she’s seen this happen before. She doesn’t try to move away, weirdly enough - she asks him if everything is alright. Perhaps the context is too different for it to be triggering for her. Perhaps there’s more layers to it? HMMM.

What follows is, perhaps, the SALTIEST we’ve seen Pearl since Greg rolled around.

“Did you come to compete?”

This is doubly curious to me because Crewniverse has previously explicitly stated that Pearl was NOT in love with Pink Diamond. She was in love with Rose. So if this is true, why would Pearl care about her place as Pink’s Pearl? She is supposed to be past all that, isn’t she?

And yet as time goes on, the salinity grows exponentially. Alright, you two, I know you’re Pearls but tone it down with the sass.

(Also, I’m sorry but I will NEVER call her Volleyball. That’s all. Bye.)

Also it’s worth noting that... PP is clearly VERY much in love with Pink.

This is, perhaps, where the lack of a grudge plays into it. She’s completely enamoured.

Moreover, she’s VERY casual about how she talks here. This isn’t exactly how one talks of their Diamond. This is how people talk about their romantic partners. She calls Pink silly, calls her ‘funny’. That’s not exactly a term of respect - it’s way more intimate than that.

Also, did anyone else notice how, although CG Pearl’s gem is usually shaded in teal, it’s in Pink in this episode? VEEEERY subtle, Crew.

Also, we can’t quite see Pink Pearl’s expression fully here because her working eye isn’t visible, which makes it hard to get a read on things like

“I’m older than you.“ Is she just saying it casually? Or is she fully aware that she’s poking fun at CG Pearl?

HI SHELL. ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW YOUR VOICE AND YOUR NAME ARE A SUBTLE NOD TO PORTAL, WHICH IS FORESHADOWING HOW BADLY THIS IS GONNA END.

Meanwhile, Pearl continues to be in character.

“No need to be overly... attached.”

And this has nothing to do with anything but

she cute

Aaaand now it’s creepy again.

The rest of this is super important so let’s get to it:

“Oh, no. Pink did this.”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn’t fit to run one... and well! That set her off.”

“Set her off? What are you talking about?”

“You remember how she was! With her destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right! She had a scream that could crack the walls. She didn’t mean to hurt me! (giggle) I just happened to be standing too close to her that time and--”

And then Steven interrupts.

We get more CG Pearl arguing for how wrong this image of Pink is to her. What CG Pearl knew was a totally different (or, well, same, but VERY changed) Pink.

But what we have to prove our point is Steven himself. He rolls into the EXACT same state as Pink presumably did - and begins to over-use his powers.

(This isn’t the first time we have seen him use this attack.)

The reactions from the Pearls are telling - this is clearly not Pink Pearl’s first rodeo with this type of Mood.

And it’s important to note that Steven clearly didn’t direct any attack AT them. He simply yelled - and the whole dang place literally started to crack. There’s weight to the argument that possibly, Pink really DIDN’T mean to hurt her Pearl - that she was just collateral damage.

Which doesn’t make it any better, obviously. Even if Pink had no direct intention of hurting her Pearl (and there are theories that Pink purposefully hit or threw Pink Pearl or somehow physically acted directly to damage her, which I was skeptical of) the result of it is still the same.

If you raise your voice and yell, even if you’re just yelling because YOU are hurt/have feelings, you might still hurt the people around you. If you throw a tantrum, even if your direct goal was just to let off some steam without aiming to harm anyone, whoever gets in your way is still the victim.

And this is all very much On Brand for Pink’s timeline as we know it. We already knew this about her - we KNEW she tended to throw tantrums (like in the flashback on Jungle Moon) and that she was childish. The fact that she accidentally hurt her Pearl in the process because she had no self-control at that period in her life comes as no surprise.

(Although it’s important to mention that perhaps hurting her own Pearl WAS the breaking point during which she finally realized how her emotional outbursts could have negative consequences on those around her.)

And this is a very beautiful message - even if Pink Pearl still doesn’t want to blame Pink for what was done to her (”But... she didn’t mean to!”) Pearl brings the point of it back around to her (”But you were still hurt!”) The point isn’t the person who did the hurting - the focus is on the victim and how they were affected.

And the rest, I daresay, is history.

I like the fact that they managed to still bring it back around to the main message:

It isn’t about just “Pink was bad”. It’s about how she did bad things. And there were multiple sides to her - multiple stages. And the Pearls who knew her knew different sides of her - the side that didn’t know how to be a good person, who was selfish and childish and unrestrained... and the side that was, arguable, too restrained. Who hated her own past, her own character and her own mistakes so much that she would rather bury them and keep secrets from everyone.

And neither of those things were good, and neither were healthy, but they are a GREAT contrast to a GREAT character arc that is, arguably, still being unearthed. And we have so much more context for it all now.

I, for one, can’t wait to see and discover more of Pink through Pink Pearl - no matter how ugly that side of her might be. I think it gives great perspective to her later growth.

And if you ship the Pearls.. .well, I get why.

Personally I’m not interested in it that way. Call me unromantic - I don’t think their relationship NEEDS to be shippy in order to be satisfyingly deep. I love the idea of them having a deep bond over this - a shared past, a shared experience, and gaining confidence through one another.

Cheers and thanks for listening!

#steven universe future #steven universe: future #steven universe future spoilers #su:f spoilers #suf spoilers #su spoilers #steven universe spoilers #spoiler warning #pink pearl #volleyball

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