#let's see: married the first girl he dated bc she got pregnant hates trying to date bc it feels like a performance

[lovvedaggers]

Eddie Diaz has the worst case of comphet to ever be put in a tv show I need this man to be free from the shackles of heterosexuality

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: This came to me in a dream. Enjoy. 

Thomas Shelby:

Double Major: Political Science and Business Management (bc he likes to work himself to death) Minor: Military Sciences/ROTC

Likes debating and trying to outsmart the professor.

Often seen on campus with bloody knuckles from rocking someone’s jaw.

Would 100% punch a motherfucker for being mean to someone he cares about.

Doesn’t need to be in a fraternity to be known around campus, just don’t mess with him and you’ll be fine.

All the girls whisper as he walks by but he don’t give a fuck cuz he has to go to his lectures.

He’s on time for every class and pulls out his pocket watch if the professor is more than 5 minutes late. If the professor can’t bother showing up then he dips out.

Almost got suspended for one too many fist fights.

Has a “thing” for the barista at the campus Starbucks. He learned after frequent visits, that her name was Grace and that she liked black coffee just like him.

Mysterious and moody af. No one knows if they’ve ever seen him smile, except when chatting up Grace.

Tries his best to study, but ends up getting dragged into his siblings shenanigans or into his head about the family business.

Keeps to himself for the most part, except for having a few close friends.

Hates technology so he uses a typewriter and prefers receiving letters/mail over emails.

Can’t figure out how to use Grace the baristas phone when typing in his number and tells her to write it down instead.

Often tells her to meet him after her shift. 😏

Professors hate him because of his reliance on paper. Totes not eco-friendly but he doesn’t care. Tommy always gets his way.

Grace always gives him a cookie for free cuz she knows he forgets to eat.

Always seen smoking or sneaking drinks of whiskey in a flask, even at 7am lectures.

Binge drinks on weekends with his bros, and drunk calls barista Grace when he has maybe 3 working brain cells left for the night. On other weekends when he’s coherent, he meets with Polly and tries to discuss business plans since their dad dipped out like a bitch.

To make matters worse, after dating for a while, Grace just leaves him. He thinks his aunt Polly may have been too hard on her, but he didn’t know until later that she lied when she said she didn’t know about the business. But barista bitch knew everything, and was gonna expose them to her higher-ups in the criminal justice department before long.

Arthur Shelby:

Major: Agriculture Minor: Military Science/ROTC

Graduated just barely.

Ended up in some trouble with his peeps in the military science department, probs for cussing someone out.

Angry, loud, and emotional af.

Loved drinking with John and his frat boy friends.

No one messed with him if they valued their life.

Started one too many fights and got suspended for reals. Almost beat a man to death but we don’t talk about that.

He gets stressed really easily so in his free time he draws horses.

When he gets real mad he takes it to the campus boxing ring and punches to his hearts content.

On his way back to his dorm one night he saw a girl who was in his agriculture class. She was cute and also in a “Christian” ministry group on campus. He decided to chat her up when she was preaching, just to see what it was about.

They later dated but then she cheated around with a fellow churchy man and just went off the rails. When he found out it wasn’t pretty.

Her friends and pastor most likely shamed her cuz she be ✨sinning✨. Therefore not helping her mental state.

Her name was Linda. Never trust a Linda.

Everyone tried to console Arthur but only boxing and drinking at Johns frat house did the trick.

Tommy often had to run to his dorm in the middle of the night to talk him out his mental breakdowns. College is hard.

In the end, he was glad he did agriculture even if his crazy ex would constantly stare at him during lectures, probably plotting his demise.

Some days he’d take out his frustrations by chopping wood and helping out on the farm where he worked and studied most days.

But you bet your ass fuckin’ Linda showed up to his dorm one time though with a gun and tried to shoot him, but she didn’t know his brothers and aunt were there too. Polly may have shot her in the arm tho. But when the campus PD showed up shit really went down.

We don’t know where Linda is now, but that’s probs for the best.

John Shelby:

Major: Music (idk I felt like he’s a musical boi) Minor: Military Science/ROTC

He’s a frat boy through and through. He drops it low on the dance floor and is known to dive onto beer pong tables.

Constantly going to parties and hooking up with sorority girls, that is until he meets a girl named Esme who’d been dragged to the party by her friends.

Suddenly he ain’t no hoe no more, he’s head over boots in love with her and she loves him too.

They be sneaking around in various buildings, often having to make a run for it to escape security.

He’d play her songs after hard training days with his military buds cuz it helps him calm down.

He’s not as violent as his older brothers, but he’ll fuck a person up if needed.

His fraternity is the second most important thing to him besides his girl. He loves the energy of the fraternity, the partying, and acting a whole fool with his friends, but Esme has him whipped.

His studies are struggling though cuz he loves to get turnt. He hates the studying aspect of college.

Always getting his brothers into trouble.

Snorts coke off Esme’s tits on occasion at the frat parties. It’s a wild time.

Has the mouth of a sailor but a heart of gold.

Talks of kids with Esme after dating for a year. Can’t afford a ring yet tho, but their bud Jeremiah marries them anyway on a whim.

After Arthur and the Grace fiasco ensues, he drops out of college because Esme falls pregnant. In the end, she ends up getting the chickens and wild cottage!core house she’d always wanted. They both decide to raise their kids there, living their best lives until Tommy drags them into more family matters later on.

Ada Shelby:

Major: English Minor: Gender & Women’s Studies

Always seen in the most stylish clothes.

She’s quiet most times but can be very knowledgeable on various subjects.

She’s constantly going off on her older brothers and trying to smack some sense into them.

Feels like something is off with the barista Tommy’s been seeing, but it’s not her problem.

Can 100% find her chilling in the back of Starbucks reading old novels or writing literature reviews.

When she’s not there, she’s holed up in the library where she works part time, studying and practicing for debates.

10/10 would fuck in the library cuz she knows all the best secret places to go to. 😏

Organizes meetings with different campus associations and demands equality for students.

Spends her free time surfing the net for clothes or keeping an eye out for a potential new bae.

Is probably the best at studying. She earns the best grades let’s be honest.

Will not hesitate to call a bitch out. She may not throw hands but she’ll throw words that can cut you like a knife.

Works for the campus paper, spilling all the tea on campus life. Her brothers often reluctantly agree to be her mock interview subjects for a range of assignments.

She breaks necks when walking around campus, everyone moves out of their way for her.

She’s a bad bitch.

Finn Shelby:

Major: Photography Minor: English

He hates how violent his brothers are but would 10/10 back them up if needed.

Often asks Ada for advice on studying and girls.

Doesn’t like the frat boy scene like John, but goes to the parties anyways with his best friends Isiah and Bonnie.

He’s a freshman and you can tell. He still has a glimmer of life in his eyes and a pep in his step as he walks around campus.

When he’s not taking pictures for class, he’s taking pictures of his girlfriend.

She’s his muse even when doing the simplest of things like sitting in a chair or reading one of his English books.

Each week he’d surprise her with a picture he took when she wasn’t looking, telling her how beautiful she is.

He may not look strong, but after many nights at the boxing ring with Arthur, he knew how to throw a punch.

He almost flunked his studies a couple times, getting too caught up in partying or being with his girl, but Ada and his Aunt Polly set him straight.

Voted by his family as most likely to not get arrested or suspended from college.

He’d have deep conversations with his friends, often confusing them because it was just that deep.

In his spare time he’d go boxing with Arthur or would try to help Tommy with his essays, but Tommy would get frustrated and tell him to fuck off within the first 10 minutes.

Polly Gray:

Profession: Business Management Professor Side Job: Managing the blinder business with Tommy

When she’s not teaching class, she’s managing the blinder business that was left to her and Tommy to tackle. This also means covering up any suspicions that arise on campus. She has her hands full.

She’s Tommy’s only shred of common sense some days when he gets too stressed out from his 10,000 majors and minors, or wants to plan to overthrow the university.

Will not hesitate to slap someone, preferably her unruly nephews.

Anyone can lie to her but the truth always falls through the cracks, and when she finds out, you’d pray you faced the devil instead.

In her spare time she reads tea leaves and prays for the corrupt souls of her son and his cousins. She really just begs to god that they can come together for once to get the business in line, but even that may be asking too much.

Knows a snake when she sees one. *cough* *cough* Grace the barista.

She’s the first one to tell someone I told ya so, especially her students when they flunk her tests because they decided to get drunk the night before.

When she’s not yelling at her nephews or grading papers, she can be seen at the local bar chatting up coworkers and old flames, hoping to find “the one” eventually. She ends up having a “thing” for the quirky Philosophy professor though. He’s kind of shady cuz she finds out he’s in a similar business on the side, but it only makes her like him more. She craves the danger.

They later end up in a whirlwind romance similar to John and Esme, and everyone loves that for them.

She can also be seen with her head in her hands when trying to persuade Tommy to use technology.

“What is copy and paste Pol? Can’t I just write it down? What’s up with all these gadgets aye?”

“If you want your hand to fall off and to make me lose my mind, then yes, write it down. Grading is bloody hard enough as it is, let alone grading your papers. You’re just like your father ya know, always doing things the hard way.”

Tells Gina off when she gets the chance just like she did Grace. She didn’t shoot her like Linda though, she just hurt some feelings.

May have aided in Grace’s “sudden” departure…maybe…just a little bit.

Secretly ships Tommy with a woman named Lizzie who had been her assistant at her office. She knew she could trust her more, at least.

Despite her harshness, she’s just trying to keep her family from completely fucking up their lives.

Michael Gray:

Major: Accounting Minor: Business Management

Like Tommy, he doesn’t get the hype of fraternities so he just hangs out with his cousins or his small circle of friends, they aren’t saints though.

His mom, Polly is his business management professor. She always calls on him and gives him a hard time when he spaces out in class.

Is often seen around campus with a few friends or his girlfriend Gina who he met in business class. They’re sickening and it was like a whirlwind romance tbh.

He usually finds himself cleaning up his cousin’s messes when it comes to fighting, but if he has to throw some punches he will.

He’s not as impulsive when it comes to matters of business, but where matters of the heart are concerned that’s another story.

When the blinders and Polly were all at her house for dinner one night he announced he was going to marry Gina. Arthur and John laughed and Tommy smirked slightly, still butt-hurt after his Grace left him for little-to-no reason. Ada grinned and bared the news whilst Polly nearly smacked him on the head.

People didn’t dare mess with him, and that went for all his cousins as well.

He spent a majority of his days in class crunching numbers, and most his nights out with the boys getting drunk or fuckin’ with Gina.

Because his mom held him accountable, his grades rivaled Ada’s causing them to get into some friendly competition at times.

He’s cunning like Tommy though. He got into many a screaming match with the older blinder after trying to take over his position in the family business. It ended in some black eyes and Polly smacking both of them with her newspaper. He knew better than to mess with the devil himself.

Despite the tensions between the cousins at times, he’s always the one they go to when they can’t figure out their math homework, and he’d always have to meet one of them in the library at 3 am to smuggle in some cocaine and a drink to keep them studying.

[obsidianfr3sk]

now

Summary: “Now— do you like it?” Simon asked (still making jazz hands).

Oh, no, he liked it. But Simon had made a tiny mistake. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. It was just that… if he had a coin for every time Simon had made that exact mistake, he would have two coins. Which wasn’t a lot of coins; but it was funny it happened twice.

And there it was. Again. The infamous latticework pie.

AO3

Hello, friends! Obsi here. I want to start this author note by saying this fic is a birthday gift for Rita (@the-wee-woo-rita), a fandom friend of mine that I hold dear to my heart since the day they started to constantly appear in my notes and hasn't stopped since <3 Forgive me if I spent the rest of my time covering the birthday kid with invisible virtual kisses:)

Aaaah, Rita:') Feliz cumpleaños, amigue✨ I hope you have an amazing day and that you're reading this while your family and friends are giving you tons of presents and kind words <3 I gotta confessed that I noticed you almost since you entered the fandom bc you were always on my notes, so every time I saw your icon, I was like "Oh, Wee Woo is here <3". oH AND WHEN YOU STARTED YOUR FIC DKJFHKJFKJDF I wanted to read it since you started posting it, and when I finally could, it left me 💖💖💖. Not only because it's a super fun story, (go read it if you haven't, people) but also because I can tell you're writing from the heart and you're as invested in Hugh and Simon's relationship as I am skjdhksd one time I even cried because I felt so proud of you for writing it lol

I guess that you already know what this fic is going to be about. When you told me this is your favorite scene of these pair of idiots and knew I had to write something for you about it sdkjfhjksdf it came out really fluffy and funny, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did <3

Never stop writing. You got this✨ Enjoy your gift!!

When Hugh first started dating Simon, he didn’t know if he wanted to marry him. If someone had asked him, he wouldn’t have known how to answer, and everyone would have thought he was a dick, when in reality, he just hadn’t thought about that. He hadn’t sorted out his life yet.

Not like other people.

She had her life sorted out. At least most of it. Hugh certainly wouldn’t have been able to take care of a child when he was that age, but from the moment Adrian was born, his mom was there for him. She told him she was able to know if he was asking for food, if he needed another diaper, or if he just wanted to see her.

“But how do you know that if he cannot even talk?” he asked her.

“One just knows,” she answered. “If you ever become a dad, you’ll understand.”

And it sounded like a threat. Because at that age, Hugh also didn’t know if he wanted to have kids or not.

Simon, on the other hand, did. He was a mess in almost every single area of his life (like him), but he did know he wanted to have kids and to get married to someone. And it wasn’t like he was trying to scare Hugh the first months they started dating. Simon didn’t talk to him about his plans for the future until they had been together for more than a year. The only reason he knew about them was that he overheard a conversation Simon was having with… with Georgie, on one of the few occasions she was able to take a break from her baby.

At first, Hugh didn’t feel something particularly strong about what he heard. He actually kind of forgot about it for a couple of hours, until he went to sleep.

In his dream— or nightmare, which was a more accurate term, he was in the kitchen trying to bathe baby Kasumi in the sink, but she kept playing with the water and wetting his clothes, even when he tried to tell her to stop. Then, he heard Tamaya screeching his name and when he turned around to see what was happening, Evander (who was the only one whose age didn’t change, so he was a teenager bullying a four-year-old girl) was trying to pluck off the feathers of her wings, with all the intention of hurting her. Kasumi threw more water at him, so he grabbed her, all wet and everything, to try to follow Tamaya and Evander to the living room and stop them from fighting, but then, Georgie, who was at least 9 years old in the dream, pulled his hoodie, and told him:

“This is for you—” and pointed at a newborn baby she had just left on the floor.

Adrian.

Her newborn baby.

“No, that’s not mine, that’s yours,” he said. “That’s yours, Georgie, pick him up.”

She crossed her arms. “You pick him up.”

Then, Tamaya started screaming again, and Evander was freaking laughing, but he couldn’t leave Adrian on the floor, so he handed a crying Kasumi to Georgie, asking himself why the fuck Simon wasn’t around the house to help him with the kids.

When he bent over to pick the baby up, Simon decided it was a good time to appear, spank him and ask him: “Where are my cigarettes, goldilocks?”

And that was enough to wake him up.

It took him a couple of seconds to process what he was seeing. Georgie was sitting on the basement stairs, feeding Adrian and singing a song to him. Evander and Kasumi were sleeping under the same colorful blanket, while Tamaya was sitting on the side of the bed, gazing at her friend and moving her head side to side, as if she were singing too.

“Hey,” Georgie called him. “Are you ok, darling?”

He opened his mouth slightly and when he was about to tell her he had a nightmare, Simon turned around and grabbed him by the arm, still asleep.

It was cute enough for him to stop being mad at him for something he did in a dream. “Yes, I’m okay. Everything’s okay.”

Maybe it had something to do with age, but the thing was that Hugh didn’t dream that often anymore. One time he told Simon that, despite that, he still had nightmares in which he couldn’t move his body but he was aware of his surroundings, just as if he were awake. Simon frowned and said that didn’t sound like a nightmare, but more like sleep paralysis. Hugh thought it sounded a little bit psychedelic and told him he didn’t believe in those things, to which Simon reacted as if he just confessed he was an Earth-flatter.

He couldn't quite understand why Simon acted as if he were some sort of dream expert. Simon told him it was because he was a dream expert, or at least he was more of an expert than Hugh was, since he got a lot more sleep than he did, and it was true. Hugh couldn’t remember the last night he slept without spending two hours staring at the dark and empty room, while he heard Simon’s body rubbing the blankets from time to time.

“You know, I don’t think that’s normal,” Simon told him when they were driving back home from the Headquarters. “I think you should see a therapist.”

Simon said that a lot, too. It wasn’t bad advice per se, but for some reason, it drove him crazy every time he said it, even if he didn’t show it (or at least he liked to believe he didn’t). He remembered that occasion, specifically, because he had had a particularly bad day at work when they had that conversation about sleep paralysis. Kasumi and Evander decided that was a wonderful day to act as if they were the main characters of their new show “Dumb and Dumber”, trying to convince him to get couches for their offices with a slide presentation and everything, and Tamaya was acting like a particularly angry pregnant woman that hated everything that moved, especially if that thing was Hugh. He hadn’t gone completely feral with Kasumi and Evander (even if they kind of deserved it) and just told them to stop trying to kill the last brain cell they shared, but even so, they reacted as if Hugh had done something super offensive and if he were the one who was wasting everyone’s time. He had been even kinder with Tamaya because, yeah, she was being irrational, but at the same time, she was pregnant, and being a dick to a pregnant woman wouldn’t have been very heroic of him. Still, Tamaya didn’t even try to get her hormones under control and was actually devastated when he brought her the wrong kind of gyro from the store. She even cried and took the rest of the day for herself, which was something she had the right to do, obviously.

But anger is a bitch and one of those emotions that takes the best of you, so a little voice inside his head that took control of his consciousness every time he got mad at someone, was telling him that he should ask Simon if his therapist had told him that it wasn’t normal to wake up in the middle of the night to see if your kid was still breathing.

Because it didn’t sound normal to him.

He didn’t do it though. Maybe he was too tired.

Being angry took a lof a lot of energy.

He was still curious about whether Simon had ever told his therapist about that or if he had normalized it so much, that he didn’t think it was important to mention it. He had been doing that since the first night he met him when they were still a pair of kids. The first night they slept together, in Simon's basement, he woke him up in the middle of the night and sighed with relief.

“Good, you’re alive,” he mumbled. And then went back to sleep, as nothing happened.

Hugh thought it was quirky and funny. Now he believed it may be a real psychological problem.

His suspicion was confirmed that same night after having that conversation when he woke up at 3AM to go get a glass of water and realized that Simon had left the bed. He assumed he was at Adrian’s room, so he didn’t think too much about it and went downstairs, without bothering to turn the lights on. After all, he couldn’t die if he tripped with his own feet because his powers would protect him (and if he did, it would be the stupidest of deaths and he deserved it.)

He took a glass cup (because plastic cups were only for kids), filled it with water, and when he turned around to go back to his room, Simon flickered, and he could see him right in front of him, with his dagger in hand, as if he were about to stab him.

“SIMON, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Simon flickered again and let go of his dagger at the same time he started crying and hugged him while mumbling he thought he was a robber that wanted to “kill everyone in the house and then himself.”

Hugh could only hug him back.

Simon didn’t try to stab him again, but he still had a weird sleep schedule. Hugh, on the other hand, was sleeping a lot better now that his psychiatrist had shown him this amazing invention called citalopram.

A week before their tenth anniversary, he was about to fall asleep when Simon entered the room, got under the covers, and hugged him from behind, pressing his body against his.

“Si, it’s 2AM.”

“How do you want to celebrate our anniversary?”

He asked that question with the same tone he used when he asked Max and Adrian what they wanted to do during their birthdays. Or when he asked Nova if she wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with them, or when he tried to convince Kasumi and Tamaya to do something fun for Christmas that year.

And Hugh answered him the same thing the others did:

“I don’t know.”

He knew being ten years married to the same person was something that should be celebrated. And he also knew Simon didn’t mean any harm by asking those things, even if they may have seemed a little bit oblivious to the fact that life as they knew it had almost ended during the supernova. Actually, he believed he asked them that because he was completely aware of what had happened and, for instance, he was trying to fix all the things the burning stardust had destroyed, covering the ears of the people he loved, hugging them, and telling them that things couldn’t be that bad if they still could have a little piece of cake to celebrate even the smallest of events.

That gave him an idea.

“I think I just want to eat cake with you,” he mumbled.

“Cake?”

“I like cake. Except when it’s wet.”

Simon snorted. “Do you remember when Oscar invited Adrian to his birthday party and he gave him a pound of cake for him to share it with us?” he asked.

Hugh remembered that. “I do.”

“And do you remember you hated it?”

“It was more milk than cake.”

“Pastel de tres leches,” Simon said, with almost no American accent.

In other circumstances, he would’ve found that voice really attractive, but now the memory of that stupid cake was too much for him. “You know, I think there is where the fucking problem begins,” he told him. “What’s the need of adding three leches? One leche is more than enough.”

Simon tried to contain his laugh and failed. “Why do you pronounce leche like that?”

“It’s not natural, Simon,” Hugh insisted. “Cake is cake. And cake is supposed to be dry.”

“Well, I loved it.”

“You love everything. Even those who are unlovable.”

“Oh, sweetie. You’re not unlovable.”

“I know. I’m talking about the fucking cake.”

Simon stayed silent and Hugh laughed to let him know it was okay.

“So you want to keep it simple this year?” Simon asked him.

“I think that would be the most… appropriate thing to do.”

“All right then—” he pretended to use his finger to write on his back “—No tres leches cake… And keep it simple. Something else, your Majesty?”

“No, I think that’s all.”

“What about gifts?”

“I’m a simple man. I like blue, I like silver things that look like chrome, and I like myself. Go crazy.”

Simon gasped. “Or I could bake something for you,” he said. “I could make a little dinner for us… with your favorite cake.”

He couldn’t tell if Simon was being serious, but he hoped he did because— that actually sounded really nice. “What about the kids though?”

“Pssh, let’s just put them to bed early,” Simon answered. “Max’s bedtime is 9:30 anyways.”

“Are you—”

“Let me do something nice for you,” he interrupted him. “Please.”

Hugh sighed

“I’m being serious. I’m going to make your favorite cake,” Simon assured him, holding him closer to him.

And then it hit him. “Do you know—”

“Of course I know your favorite cake, love,” he giggled. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Hugh wanted to keep talking to him, but he started to notice his eyes were getting tired and that he wasn’t going to be able to keep them open a lot longer.

Simon kissed his shoulder. “Are you going to sleep now?”

“Yeah. But turn around,” he added. “I want to be the big spoon.”

The next morning, while Simon was looking for his mask before heading to work, Hugh realized he never told him what he wanted for their anniversary, so he took that moment to ask him. Simon just said that he would love anything Hugh got for him, which was honestly the worst answer ever because Hugh was the worst person when it came to guessing that sort of stuff, and needed to know specifically what they wanted so he wouldn’t end up giving them a shitty gift.

But then, he realized that it was a gift for their tenth anniversary. And when he gazed at Simon again, he noticed he was already looking at him through the small mirror they had hanging on their closet door, with a small smile on his face, letting him know that he had noticed the moment Hugh remembered what they did each year during their anniversary.

There was a tradition Simon heard about when they were planning their wedding, that it was all about giving a gift made of certain material according to the marital year. He didn’t tell him about it until a year later when they were talking about what they were going to do to celebrate that year, and for some reason, they ended up talking about when they met.

Unfortunately, Hugh could no longer remember when was the first time he saw Simon. It was like one day, he just walked into his life, laid down on a twin-size mattress, and just started to exist there without asking for permission because he didn’t know where he was yet. And Hugh was staring at the kid with brown skin, brown hair, and brown eyes, while hiding behind a big closet he kept there, thinking about how to tell him “Hello. What’s your name? I’d really like to know about you.”

Too bad he always stopped at “Hello”. Too bad it all happened inside his head.

When he was a kid, not a lot of people talked about prodigies in a positive light, so he grew up thinking that his powers were something he needed to keep a secret for everyone and that he had to blend in with the other kids in order to survive, and there was no adult in his life that told him otherwise. But during the Age of Anarchy, the whole Council began to know more prodigies from all over the world, who had different beliefs about what it meant to be a prodigy. During patrol, Simon told him about this old European lady he talked to, who was also a prodigy, and assured him she would be able to recognize every single one of them even without their superhero costumes. When Hugh said that sounded a little bit dangerous, Simon laughed it off and added that what she meant to say was that all prodigies were made of the same stardust and that it was always trying to find a way back to the space where it belonged, that was the reason why many prodigies were drawn to each other even if they just crossed paths by mere chance.

If it was true, then it explained why Hugh could tell Simon was a prodigy from the first moment he looked him in the eye. And it explained why he wanted to be his friend so much, even before knowing that piece of information.

Simon did remember when was the first time he saw Hugh. Or at least one of the first times.

“You were sitting on the ground and staring at a bug. like a beetle or something...” he said. They were walking through the neighborhood, holding hands, and Adrian was in front of them, trying to get the hang of his new skate shoes with wheels. He had asked his dads to give him his space because he had seen another kid at Headquarters using them too and he was sure he could teach himself how to use them. “ And you were really concentrated, completely quiet when an adult came and killed it.”

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Like— on purpose?”

“I don’t know, they were just walking,” Simon shrugged. “But you didn’t even say anything, just… stayed there. And a raccoon walked in front of you, and you decided to follow it to the trash can he lived in, and when you tried to touch it, he and his whole extended family threw themselves at you.”

Hugh probably looked worried or something, because Simon tilted his head and asked him: “You remember that, do you?”

And he didn’t. “It sounds like me,” he said, “I liked beetles when I was a kid. Not sure about the raccoon attack though because I’ve always hated raccoons and getting too close to trash cans.”

“And have you ever stopped to think about why you hate that so much?”

“Because trash cans are a focus of infection. Same as raccoons. I would never follow one of those rats with masks.”

“Hugh, when you were a kid, I saw you eating cereal out of a bucket, I don’t know why you’re acting like you’re better than the rest of us for not following raccoons— which you did.”

“I did not.”

“And you know what I thought?” Simon asked as if he hadn’t heard Hugh. “I thought—”

“You thought I was a poor kid who needed your help.”

“No, I thought you were the weirdest fucking kid I had ever met. And I walked away.”

Then he winked at him, letting him know he was joking. But Hugh felt really offended on behalf of his younger self anyways. “And why do you remember that but I don’t?”

“I was invisible. And I wanted to see what you were up to.”

Then, Adrian fell to the ground and screamed “DADDY!”. Neither of them was really sure of who he was talking to, so they just helped him get on his feet again and told him he should be more careful, ending their conversation there.

That year, he gave Simon a card he bought at the supermarket that he decorated with raccoon stickers he found on Adrian’s backpack, and he even used all his artistic abilities to draw a speech bubble that said “I love you”. Simon also gave him a card, but instead, it was decorated with hearts and flowers and looked a lot more like what a card for an occasion like that was supposed to look like. They gave each other cards because the first-anniversary gift, according to tradition, was something made of paper. He could tell what Simon gave him every single year, but some of the honorable mentions were the leather jacket he never used because Kasumi told him that buying things made of leather was unethical and “not green”, a wooden figurine of the two of them he found at a local flea market, and a pottery coffee mug he did himself when he and Tamaya took pottery classes, which Evander broke one day he went to the house.

So, yes, Simon always gave him nice things. And he kept every single one of them. The card was between the album photos and newspaper cutouts. The leather jacket remained in the closet not to be seen ever again. The wood figurine was in the living room (and will stay there even after he was dead because if Adrian ever dared to take it somewhere else, like he had tried to do before, he was going to haunt him until he put it back where it belonged), and eventually, Evander glued together the pottery coffee mug and gave it back to him, probably trying to make clear he was really sorry about breaking it, without really saying it out loud.

It was a nice tradition. Especially because it was almost impossible to fuck up and Hugh could come up with nice gifts for Simon too.

And now it wasn’t going to be the exception.

That year’s traditional theme was aluminum. At first, he was a little bit confused because the only aluminum he knew about was the aluminum foil they had in the kitchen until he spoke with Tamaya over the phone, and she told him there were a lot more things that were made of aluminum other than foil. She had stayed at her house ever since what had happened in the Arena. Simon told him and Kasumi it would be nice if they took turns to call her one time a day to check on her, and that day, it was Hugh’s turn.

She wasn’t mad at him, which meant she was having a less shitty day than other times it had been his turn to call her. She even gave him the phone number of a place where he could buy something for Simon, that was not so far away from Headquarters. Before hanging up, she reminded him to make sure Kasumi was eating during lunch breaks and made him promise he was going to double-check, just because that's what she would do if she were there. After doing what Tamaya asked him to do (Kasumi started to eat her salad as soon as he walked into the room, and he stayed there until she finished the whole plate), he called the store and knew exactly what he wanted to ask for.

It had been a little difficult to pick it up from the store because Simon was always with him, but the anniversary was on Sunday, so he said that someone had called him to go to Headquarters and headed out before anyone could ask for more explanations. He arrived at the store a few minutes before they closed and the owner told him he wasn’t sure if he was going to arrive on time. Then, he proceeded to show him the final product, and Hugh thought it looked exactly as what he had in mind. The daughter of the owner put the gift inside a box and decorated it with purple wrapping paper and a silver bow, and it was ready to go.

When he arrived at the house, Simon was already preparing dinner and the kids were eating ramen in the living room while watching a movie. He put the gift on the coffee table and told them it was time to get ready for bed.

Simon and Hugh had always been good at assigning each of them chores to do around the house. When Max was living in his quarantine area, Hugh stayed with him after Simon and Adrian went home. He bathed him, helped him brush his teeth, and then put him to bed. Meanwhile, Simon cooked something for Adrian, helped him with his homework, played with him for a while, and when Hugh went home, he helped him with his night routine the same way he had helped Max, while Simon prepared tomorrow’s lunches.

Adrian was a pretty calm kid during bath time (at least most of the time). He would dare to say he liked it, probably a little too much because he didn’t bathe himself until he was almost ten years old. Max, on the other hand, was a completely different story. It was a lot easier to control him when he was a baby, but the older he got, the more difficult it became to get him inside the tub. He tried to distract him with other things, made a lot of excuses, and even hid under the bed so his dad couldn’t see him. Simon thought it wasn’t a normal reaction and that they needed to make sure Max was alright, but Hugh didn’t believe Max’s behavior was weird because when he was a kid he threw even bigger tantrums each time he was told it was bath time. He screamed while he had shampoo on his hair, bawled while he was putting on his pajamas, and sobbed for at least ten minutes after he was tucked into bed. At the ripe age of four years old, he went as far as running down the street completely naked because he was already in the tub, waiting for his aunt to find a clean towel between all the mess they had around the house when he decided that wasn’t going to work out and just walked outside the house, without wearing any clothes. A minute later, he heard his aunt screaming “HUGH, YOU LITTLE BITCH—” and knew he was in danger, so he began to run as fast as he could until he tripped and he was taken back to the bathroom (while he screamed and kicked, like the demon child he was.)

“Well, I guess it makes sense why you acted like that,” Simon answered, “but I want to make sure everything is fine with Max. For my own comfort.”

Simon talked with Max the next day, and apparently, he came to the conclusion he was just someone who thought that bathing was a waste of time, like Hugh did when he was his age. His kid just showed it in a less… explosive manner. Because yeah, Max had never thrown a tantrum because of that. Not at least until the other night, when Simon told him to go take a shower after he spent the whole day outside with Nova and got his clothes all dirty. For some reason, Max got super pissed at the idea of his own father giving him a reasonable order, and after going to the bathroom and taking off his clothes, he started to yell that he was already clean and that he didn’t need to take a shower. Hugh and Adrian were in the living room talking about some mundane topic when they saw a naked and almost maniac Max running around the house, and a screaming and desperate Simon with a white towel in his hands, trying to catch him before he headed out of the house and the neighbors saw him.

Simon almost had a panic attack after that, when Adrian finally was the one to catch Max and convince him to go take a shower, because in his own words, “you smell like a dead dog, my friend” (Adrian knew what he was dealing with because he had done the same thing when he was a kid). And Hugh didn’t want Simon to go through the same experience again, especially that night.

“I was a well-behaved kid,” Simon told him, while they cuddled under the covers. “I almost never cried. And I most certainly never complained about bath time.”

“Everyone has a childhood story that involves running around completely naked because you didn’t want to get on the tub.”

“I don’t… think so.” Hugh scoffed in response. “Actually, I was so well-behaved, one time my mom closed the car door and smashed my fingers, but I didn’t even complain about it—”

“You should have complained about it,” Hugh said.

Simon didn’t hear him. “I think maybe Max is just going through a phase.”

“Or maybe our son is a normal kid and you are the Antichrist for not crying when your mother smashed your fingers.”

And he whispered: “Well— maybe, I guess.”

Luckily, Max was feeling nice and he followed the night routine without causing any more problems, and just asked Adrian to read him a bedtime story. Forty minutes later, Adrian went back downstairs and told them he was going to sleep too (but Hugh knew he was going to stay up late talking with his team.)

Simon took a few minutes after that to finish the dinner because the dessert was still in the oven. Hugh waited for him, sitting on the couch, eating the leftovers of Adrian’s ramen and watching whatever thing was on TV, when suddenly had the feeling someone was staring at him. He turned around and even though he didn’t saw anyone, he still said:

“Simon, I know you’re there.”

And he got no answer.

Then, when he decided to let it go and continue watching TV, Simon was sitting on the coffee table, with the gift box on his lap.

“Can you stop doing that?” Hugh asked him.

“No, it’s part of my charm—” Simon shook the box a little, like a kid would do on Christmas morning “—Is this my gift?”

“No. I bought it for my other husband. But you can open it, I guess.”

Simon shrugged and opened it. He gasped and covered his mouth with his hand, but he still could tell he was smiling. “Love—”

“You like them?”

Hugh had bought a couple of aluminum wine cups, decorated with a blue and purple stripe on the top. He extended his hand to turn on the lamp next to him and then patted the space next to him. “You wanna see something really cool?” he asked him.

Simon sat down next to him, holding one of the cups. Then Hugh grabbed him gently by the wrists and put the cup under the light, allowing both of them to see the hidden message written on the aluminum.

He couldn’t exactly read it because he wasn’t wearing his glasses, but Simon could.

“I’ll forever choose you,” he read. “It’s what—”

“It’s what I said during my vows,” Hugh answered, “and I still mean it.”

Simon leaned against him and Hugh took it as a chance to kiss him on the corner of his lips. “I’m going to kill your other husband,” Simon whispered.

“I don’t think you got it— but actually you’re the other husband.”

“I’m allowing you to make those jokes because I’m too happy to pretend I’m mad at you for saying them, okay? Just wanted to make that clear, so you don’t go around trying to push your luck.” He continued looking at the cup and putting it under the light to read its message again and again. “Can we use these cups? You know— are they made for drinking or are they just decorative?”

“I guess we can,” Hugh answered. “I don’t see why not. Cups are made for drinking.”

“Then it’s a good thing I brought us wine—” he got up with difficulty and grabbed the other cup from inside the box “—Are you hungry?”

He really wasn’t. Adrian’s leftovers were enough for him. But he still had a little space for more, so he nodded and took Simon’s hand before he got on his tiptoes and put his hands over his eyes. “Follow my lead.”

Even after arriving at the kitchen, Simon asked him to keep his eyes closed. He obeyed, and a couple of seconds later, he finally gave him the sign to open them, appearing behind the kitchen bar and waving his empty hands with a silly smile on his face.

Hugh covered his whole face with his hand to hide the fact that he was laughing.

“Now— do you like it?” Simon asked (still making jazz hands).

Oh, no, he liked it.

But even if he did, he could hear his own voice saying inside his head to make sure to sugarcoat whatever he had to say about one small detail that, unfortunately, was the first thing he noticed because he was that mean.

It was an amazing dinner. The main dish was chicken alfredo, and there was a small basket with bread from the supermarket they went every week to buy groceries (the same one Hugh didn’t go to anymore because last time he had almost hate-crimed a cashier because… reasons, maybe). He had lighted up some candles they kept around the house in case the power went out during the night and there was a white tablecloth covering part of the kitchen bar. Simon also took the time to look through the garage for the chinaware they only used for very special occasions and that Hugh insisted on hiding it in the garage since he didn’t trust his kids and believed they would break it at the first chance they got. And he didn't lie when he said he had bought a bottle of wine. Actually, he knew it was an expensive wine because it was the same brand as the one they drank during their wedding. It must have been an absolute hell trying to find it, considering that ten years had gone by since then.

But Simon had made a tiny mistake.

And it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. It was just that… if he had a coin for every time Simon had made that exact mistake, he would have two coins.

Which wasn’t a lot of coins; but it was funny it happened twice.

During the Gala, there had been a silent auction to replace some of the stolen drugs. Hugh was going crazy, trying to make sure everything was going according to plan, but Simon insisted that, as members of the Council, they needed to support the fundraising.

At first, Hugh didn’t notice what Simon had done. He had a lot of things going through his mind, like what if someone put a bomb on the ceiling and blew the whole building, if Adrian had drawn a callalily for every single centerpiece, or if Max had asked him to buy him more markers and construction paper since last week or last month. He also was trying to ignore how uncomfortable the suit he was wearing felt, which felt kind of tight when he raised his arms a little bit. Plus, the lights were too bright, the music was too freaking loud for a formal Gala, and for some reason, he was sure he could hear every single conversation that was going on there, at the same time he didn’t understand a single word coming out of those people’s mouths.

But suddenly…

Suddenly Simon grabbed him by the arm and said:

“I got this for you.”

“Huh?”

“I got this for you—” and he pointed at something on the table.

For the split of a second, he thought that Simon was referring to the chocolate cake that was right in the middle of everything, that was decorated with small pearls of white chocolate and a cherry on top. Which would have been a really kind and romantic gesture because chocolate cake would always have a special place in his heart.

But then, he noticed that actually, he was talking about the latticework pie that was right next to it, inside a little transparent box with a golden ribbon around it.

It looked nice; but the chocolate cake looked a lot better from his point of view.

“Simon—”

“Yes, I know technically I haven’t gotten it yet,” Simon said while jotting down his bidding number on a sheet of paper, “but I’m gonna win this and we’re gonna eat pie, like the winners we are.”

“Simon—”

“Do you wanna be a winner or not?”

“Simon—”

Simon finally looked at him, still holding the pen he had used to write down the bidding number.

Hugh had reacted a little bit too late.

So he just sighed, rested his chin on Simon’s head for a couple of seconds, and then asked him if also thought the lights were too bright (“No, but you can talk to someone and see if there’s something they can do about it. Just don’t go all Captain Chromium on them.” “That’s not a phrase other people use.” “Kasumi does.”)

Now, the Gala wasn’t a memory he liked to replay inside his head constantly because while they were there, their kids were risking their lives fighting against people they shouldn’t even be worried about. He felt guilty when he remembered that he was dancing with Simon in a small corner of the room, where they were sure no one could see them (not because they were embarrassed or scared but because Simon didn’t like to be surrounded by a lot of people, and honestly, Hugh wasn’t in the mood for dealing with that either). He was starting to think “Hey, maybe I’m having fun” and Simon was this close to kissing him, but one second after that, they were notified about what had happened to Max and had to rush to the hospital.

It had been one of the worst nights of his life. The last time he thought about it, was while reading Max a book they had just bought for him (“Tough Guys (Have Feelings Too)”). Max mentioned something about Adrian taking him to eat pie that afternoon and “going all Captain Chromium” on him for something he didn’t understand but sounded like normal sibling stuff, and suddenly Hugh vividly remembered the latticework pie Simon had put a bid on.

They never got to eat it.

Which was good because he knew that if he had gotten to eat some, knowing there had been a chocolate cake right next to it that they could have gotten instead of that freaking pie, his night would have been even worse.

Not like your kid almost dying was bad enough though.

“Keep reading the book, Hugh,” Max told him, pretending to be disappointed after he told him that story about the Gala. “Let’s keep the trauma talk for Therapy Thursday.”

(That was how Simon called Thursdays now. It was the day the four of them went to family therapy. Everyone thought it was a stupid way to call it, even Hugh, but he always told his kids it was an incredible way to motivate them, that Simon was trying his best, and that next time he heard them make fun about “Therapy Thursdays”, calling it “$200 Nap Thursdays”, he was going to tell the fucking shrink and they were going to go to family therapy two times a week.)

And there it was.

Again.

The infamous latticework pie.

But when he saw it, he didn’t feel anything else but the impulse to laugh out loud.

“I like it a lot,” he answered.

“You’re putting on the sugar jacket!” Simon exclaimed.

“No, I’m not!” Hugh told him, still laughing.

“No, I can see it!” Simon insisted. “You’re doing it, you always laugh when you do it!”

“What are you talking about?” He cleared his throat. “I’m way too good at sugarcoating, no one notices when—”

“I’m going to keep calling it sugar jacket,” Simon interrupted him, crossing his arms and staring at him with narrowing eyes. “Don’t use that tone with me.”

“And I’m going to keep making fun of you for it. Imagine me putting on a sugar jacket, Simon. It would have to be a huge jacket. The house would be infested with ants.”

But Simon wasn’t interested in the logistics of keeping a sugar jacket inside the house. “It’s like what you did last week. Oh, yeah, Simon, that’s so good—” He scoffed “—I know you hated that souffle because I hated it too.”

“But I liked that souffle! It was pretty good, I don’t know why you hated it.”

“The more you insist on that, the less I’m going to believe you.”

Hugh sat down on one of the kitchen bar stools and hid his face with his hands until he stopped laughing. When he finally did, he saw Simon smiling, even if he was trying to hide it.

“Si—” Simon raised his eyebrows as if he were saying “Hey” with them “—Can I get some wine?”

He thought about it for a second.

“Just because I love you—” and he began to pour it into one of their wine cups. Then, he walked towards Hugh, and with one hand, he took his wine cup, and with the other, he pulled Simon closer to him.

“And I love this,” he whispered. “I loved what you did for me, it’s just what I asked for.”

Simon’s smile got even wider. “I know I said we were gonna have cake but— I know you like pie a little bit more.”

Hugh took a sip of wine.

“Because… you do, don’t you?”

So he left the wine cup on the kitchen bar, grabbed Simon by the waist— and he told him the truth.

“I do now.”

Before Simon could ask him what he meant with that extra “now”, he leaned over and kissed him.

Now it was not the time to talk about that.

[scoopsahoy]

i just read ur fic about getting pregnant with steve and was wondering if u could write one about the reader and steve struggling for a few years to get pregnant, and she has an emotional breakdown one night bc she doesn't feel like enough for him because it's been pushed on her that women's only jobs are to have kids and shes like "i cant even do that so how am i supposed to please you" and he comforts her and makes her feel better

ぺ  word count ⋰ 2.3k

✰  tw ⋰ none :)

❍  cw ⋰ swearing, mentions of sex

✐  masterlist

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★

You sat on the toilet seat with your leg bouncing, anxiously waiting for the pregnancy test results to show up. This had become a new norm for you: getting pregnancy tests and anxiously awaiting the results. And you were sick of it.

It took a toll on you. Getting a negative result every single month for four years straight was stressful mentally and physically. You’d had a migraine for at least three and a half years, and no medicine helped. You were always nauseous and sick, which your gynecologist said was normal in your situation. You were always tired and sad, which affected your job and your relationship with Steve.

You knew he was just as tired of it as you were, and you knew he was probably exhausted from having to care for you all the time.

It had also taken a toll on your sex life. At this point, you two only had sex to reproduce. You rarely finished and always denied his offers to help you. You would always flip yourself upside down afterward to help the sperm enter your uterus.

You’d both been to the doctor multiple times to see which one of you was fertile. Steve was one hundred percent fertile, while you had less of a chance of getting pregnant that you should’ve had.

You’d been to multiple IVF appointments as well. It wasn’t Steve’s favorite thing in the world to go into a room alone and masturbate to porn to provide sperm samples.

At this point, he didn’t enjoy looking at other women to get off, so you had taken pictures of yourself to give him.

The first few times it was awkward for him afterward, but you assured him there was nothing uncomfortable about it.

You’d probably spent over ten thousand dollars on it, and it was heartbreaking each time it didn’t work.

At the end of the five minutes, you grabbed the test out of the sink, feeling a pain in your heart at the single line.

You tossed it back into the sink as you stood up, feeling tears slide down your face. Your back hit the wall and you slid down until you felt yourself land on your ass.

You pulled your knees into your chest, propped your elbows on them, and put your hands into your palms.

You couldn’t help but sob. You and Steve had been trying for four years to conceive. And, despite everything mentioned, none of it worked. This was one of your last straws, a wave of sadness washing over you.

You both desperately wanted kids, preferably two or three. But at this point, you’d be lucky to even have one.

Steve made it clear that in the end, if you couldn’t have children of your own, he’d be perfectly okay with adopting, or just not having any. And you agreed.

However, you had the longing to create your own child. Everything from the pregnancy, to giving birth, to raising that child from the moment they came out, until the moment they could care for themselves. You wanted that more than anything, but you’d be happy to adopt if you were infertile.

But sitting on the bathroom floor knowing that every effort you made — propping yourself upside down after sex, aforementioned IVF treatments, tracking your cycles, staying healthy, etc. — didn’t work, made your heart hurt.

You wondered if you were good enough for Steve, if you could really give him what he wanted. If he was genuinely happy with trying to have kids for years on end and being unsuccessful. You wondered if that was what he wanted, if he was still happy with you.

Your sobs filled the bathroom, making you glad Dustin wasn’t there.

Dustin was your younger brother, and currently, he was at the arcade. He knew about your struggle to have kids, and he usually tried to help, whether it was with the foods you ate, or getting you vitamins, making sure your mom didn’t keep her alcohol where you could get to it, etc.

You thought it was sweet how much he wanted a niece or nephew, always talking about babysitting them and allowing them into the party.

You always made sure he was gone when you took pregnancy tests. You loved him, but comfort wasn’t his strong suit. Sometimes it would work just because of the effort, but sometimes it would make you feel worse. So, you figured the easiest way to avoid that was to make sure he wasn’t there.

The rest of the party was also anticipating you getting pregnant. Max, Eleven, and Nancy all said they would help her with girl things like periods, dating, and other things boys didn’t understand.

And Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Jonathan all said they would indoctrinate him/her into their Dungeons and Dragons campaigns.

It made you cry the first time you found out how excited they were to have a new member of the family.

But you hated making them wait. Dustin and Robin were the only ones who knew how long you’d been trying, so the rest of them kept jokingly bugging you about them getting a new DnD member.

When Steve got home from work, he found you crying on the bathroom floor. He looked in the sink, seeing another negative test.

He sat on the toilet seat, placing his hands on your knees. He didn’t say anything, he let you talk at your own pace.

“Negative again,” you said, your voice stuffy.

He nodded. “I know.”

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Hey, look at me.”

You pulled your hands from your face, revealing your eyes bloodshot and puffy, your skin soaked in tears.

He stood up and held his hands out for you to take. You pulled yourself up and he cupped your face. He wiped your cheeks with his thumbs, before grabbing a dry cloth and cleaning your face completely.

“Come here,” he said, pulling you into a deep hug. You cried into his chest, leaving tear stains on his shirt. He gently pulled you to the bedroom a few seconds later. You sat against the headboard, resting your elbows on your knees. He sat across from you, only a few feet away.

He gripped your hands as you continued crying. It was silent for a few minutes before he continued the conversation.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why can’t I get pregnant?”

“You know that’s not your fault.”

“Is it enough for you? Am I enough for you?”

He furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“If I can’t give you a kid. If I can’t get pregnant, despite everything we’ve done, despite every effort we’ve made... will I be enough? Won’t you want more?”

“Don’t. Don’t even think like that. Don’t say that. Of course, you’ll still be enough for me.”

You softly shook your head. “I don’t believe that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you said that all you want in life is children. You want at least one son and one daughter. And you want to name one of them Dustin, and one of them Robin. And you’ve told me that you want to have a hundred grandkids so you can spoil all of them. And if I can’t give that to you-”

“Stop. Stop talking.” He gripped your hands tighter. “I don’t care. If you can’t give me that, that’s okay. More than anything, I want you. I want you, even if we don’t have a hundred grandkids.”

You felt more tears fall down your face, hitting your legs. He tilted your chin up to look at him.

“Why?” you asked.

“‘Why’ what?”

“Why wouldn’t you want someone who could give you that?”

“Because I don’t want just anybody. I want you. I’d live a thousand lifetimes without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

“But you want a family.”

“Baby,” he chuckled. “We’re already a family. You and me, we are a family. We don’t need a child to be a family. Hell, we can adopt a dog or a cat if we wanted to. And that would still make us as much of a family as people with kids.”

“But we both want kids. I want kids. I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, I want to hold the baby after they come out. I want to celebrate their first steps, their first words, their first birthday. I want to do that.” He didn’t say anything. “How am I supposed to please you if I can’t even get pregnant?” you mumbled.

He furrowed his brows. “What?”

“I mean, we’ve always been taught that in marriages, in order to be a good wife and please your husband, you should have kids.”

“Who the hell taught you that?”

You raised your eyebrows. “School, my family, everyone. I’ve grown up hearing that in order to be a good wife to my husband, I have to give him kids and that’s how we’re supposed to please you.”

He shook his head. “I’ve never been taught to only expect kids from my wife. They’ve been feeding you that bullshit?” You nodded. “For how long?”

“All my life.”

“I’ve grown up learning from my mom that, even if I don’t have kids with the person I marry, I should find someone that I can’t live without. That’s you.”

“Steve-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to bear a child to please me. I am so madly, deeply, stupidly in love with you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you. You hear me?” You didn’t reply. “Why do you think I proposed to you and married you?”

“You wanted to start a family, but not outside of marriage. Isn’t that why every guy gets married?”

“Nope. Not even close. I mean, that’s a factor, but do you know the real reason I married you?” You still didn’t answer. “I married you to be with you,” he said as he poked you lightly on the chest. “I married you so I could spend the rest of my life with you. Obviously, I do want a family, but, like I said, I’d go a million years without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

You were only crying harder now. “Steve-”

“I am so fucking in love with you, Y/N. Do you want to know how long it took me to get that ring-” He pointed to your engagement ring on your finger, which was joined by your wedding band, “after we started dating?” You shook your head. “Three days.”

Your eyes got wide. “What?”

“Yep. Three days into our relationship, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You know why I didn’t propose sooner?” You shook your head again. “We weren’t eighteen. That was the only thing holding me back. I had to wait two years to propose to you because we had to wait until we were adults.”

You looked down at your ring. “They let you buy an engagement ring at sixteen?” you chuckled.

“I guess so. I got it, didn’t I?”

You smiled. “I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too.” You squeezed his hands.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we take a break from trying? I mean, we’re only twenty-three. We have time. I know it’s stressing you out. Your head always hurts and you’re always sick. Let’s just wait a little while.”

You nodded. “That would actually be really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can have sex just to have sex, not to make a baby.”

“Absolutely.”

You looked at him and he gave you a small smile.

“I don’t deserve you,” you said, your voice cracking.

“I think I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

You laughed softly. “And if we can’t have our own kids, we can adopt,” you said.

“Absolutely.”

“Take a kid or two out of the system.”

“Absolutely,” he repeated.

You got on your knees and hugged him, the two of you squeezing each other tightly.

“Did I mention that I love you?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Because I do.”

“I’m sure,” you giggled. “I love you, too.”

When you pulled away, he looked at you. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Seriously. It’s not your fault.”

“I know.”

“Okay.”

You pulled him in for one last kiss before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

—

You, Steve, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, and Robin all sat in your dining room. For dinner, you made chicken burritos. The kids were all joking around and talking about the arcade when you decided to get their attention.

“So, me and Steve talked today,” you said, clearing your throat. They all looked at you. “I think... we’re gonna stop trying to have a kid for a little while.”

“What?” Lucas asked. “Why?”

“We’ve been trying for four years. I mean, we’ve done IVF-”

“What’s IVF?” Mike asked.

“In vitro. It’s artificial insemination.”

“We’ve done that about six times,” Steve said. “And it hasn’t worked.”

“Nothing we’ve done has worked. So, for now, we’re gonna take a break. I mean, it takes a toll on us.”

They nodded. “Okay. Whenever you get pregnant, that just means we can have someone else to play games with and invite to the arcade,” Lucas said. “Even if we’re older.”

Steve rested his hand on your thigh.

—

Laying in bed and being Steve’s little spoon as he slept caused you to start thinking again.

You didn’t realize it before, but you were more okay with waiting than you thought you would be. Sure, you’d be slightly older when you were pregnant — if you wound up pregnant at all — but you were fine with it.

Knowing that you were with someone like Steve, who didn’t care if you couldn’t have kids, was a relief. You knew you married the right person, and you knew your kids would be right about you two being soulmates.

[estradioltone]

Why’s my stomach hurting? Why am I feeling so lonely when I have so many messages to answer? I CANNOT have another favorite person. Does that mean I’m doomed to high school loneliness?

When I was fifteen lots of people liked me AND I didn’t have a favorite person. Sean? Sam? Danica S? I’m trying to remember. Alex? Stephanie? What show did we do that year? It was Charlie Brown. Mattress, Charlie Brown, Trial by Jury, Sound of Music, and Alice. Shauna? Alex? Danni? Jonathan? Jordan? Danica made those CDs for me. Gabi? Ellery? Irene? Keziah? There were so many people. And none was the favorite. Kaz? Therone? Felicia? Deja? Corri? Jae? Cassie? Leslie? Laureen? Katy? There were so many people around me and I wasn’t the favorite and no one was my favorite. I wasn’t even talking to Amanda at that point. And I did like her. There were a number of people I was attracted to, and, I didn’t make any moves, bc I didn’t get close enough to them in terms of conversations. I needed that first. Like to be comfortable? Lauren? Was she in focus? I can’t remember much if anything about her now, and I was so into her then. Kari?

I used to change with Kari.

Oliver and his male friends used to change in front of each other.

Kari was so great. We were always friends only. I don’t think either of us ever had feelings for the other. She was such an amazing friend. Caitlin? Anna or Sarah? Sarah F? Janell? This is the first time I’ve dug into the memories of those earlier high school years. It literally feels like a backhoe digging into dirt and clearing it away. Archeologist excavating.

I remember sitting in 204 watching some movie in the dark. Mrs. H was teaching. I don’t have memories. Of what we learned. I never learned in English. I never knew what the fuck was going on I just always got A’s. I wrote that paper about having a peanut allergy. It has terrible racist stereotypes. No one called me out. No teacher. I was fifteen. Today I would e known better. Unless I was a republican. Like I was then. I was very conservative. How was I conservative? It didn’t fit with any part of how I acted. Danielle? Remember that film I made that was literally just everyone swearing. Spencer? I remember so many things. Why did I write that.

I don’t want to remember many things.

Why not? That’s so fucking weird. There are many things I don’t want to remember? Where did that thought come from?

I don’t want to remember bc it hurts too much to remember? That thought just came to me.

I wasn’t hurting during that year. I wasn’t depressed. It was like that time with M in sophomore college. Wow. In that moment sophomore looked like high school sophomore to me. It felt like being in Maine. It felt like mid August two summers ago. It’s summer. It’s June. Two summers ago he sucked my sick for the first time and I couldn’t even get hard. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I forced myself to keep going bc I wanted it. That was my fuck up moment. He kissed me that night. It was like Amanda asking to marry me what the fuck to DATE me. How did that happen? It’s in retrospect I wish I’d said no

The hurt is that if I remember I’ll double remember how

The blue waffle thermal

I remember the car and snow pants but not skiing. I remember kissing and my precut glowing like a river. I got wet like a girl. I got hard like a boy. I don’t know what’s normal.

I remember the night she came to see me at the Estonian concert. ���Let’s go over here. Lots of girls like me here.” She later told me that freaked her out not freaked out it was like “ullll” what are the words that describe what that means it’s like a little oh no and yikes at the same time. It’s like when O asked me what my main interest in the relationship was and I said sex. And he had the same reaction. And I said, how could I have ever said something like that. It’s callous. And, it was honest. And then I got attached. Before I was having fun. I was happy.

And when I’m happy and having fun I behave like a disgusting jock boy. Maybe that’s who I essentially am. Maybe I’m choosing to be trans so I can become a different person. I do want to become a different person. Even then I thought back like what the fuck was I doing. Like when I touched G and C’s breasts. And I wasn’t allowed to go to cast parties. I didn’t get to do wild things. Would I have?

I was so many different people. I’m also the person at Sam’s house who was afraid to be there.

Remember Caitlins white dreads. Remember when Safi first came to school or Kylie. Remember how cool and superior you felt. Remember how everyone was lesser in your eyes. Sophie. Edna. Kendra. Nikki. That girl molly sitting on my lap and I was hard as fuck. I didn’t think of that in so long. Was that ninth grade? Or eighth?

We were at Burgerville.

I was just doing whatever I wanted.

Is that who I am in a state of nature?

And, I’m the person who stayed in my room instead of going out for a birthday party.

What was Menucha like that year

I didn’t have many years with older friends after that.

Remember Laura. You were twelve and she was seventeen. But you never really talked after the show ended. Would she hug me? Did she hug me in sixth grade? Was I happy at the end of sixth grade???? I think she hugged me by the 201 door. I can remember it now.

I drew that picture of her.

I said “your eyes aren’t quite even.” Wow that must have hurt her and I could see it in her face.

I did whatever I wanted. I thought I was cool I was trying to be cool at all times.

That was my first summer in Eugene. Jessica Zach Ted. Dr. A. Joe. Nicholas. Brahms. Komm Jesu Komm. Standing on the steps in that rehearsal room. My feet sweaty and stinky as fuck. Black like sweat things coming off my toes. My roommate was Nick.

That moment in the hallway taking down my pants. “Should we go all the way?”

Jessica wanted to be closer than I did. I fall back on ppl when I’m lonely but don’t want closeness when I’m not. I use people. I do what O did to me. He didn’t really love me? Or did he?

I’m single now but I’m not having fun but I need to give it more time and I am being more wild. I started to get wild sophomore year. Sarah G. I thought things had changed. But I didn’t want them to change bc I wanted to be unhappy there??????????????

You’re really cool for a freshman. Others wouldn’t do that.

Well I’m basically a senior bc I’ve already been at my school four years.

High school was my college time in a way. It was my amazing time and I was studying and creating big projects. College was my high school time hating things and not self actualizing and not being myself.

Did I do it on purpose???????????? Is that kind of thing possible???????? I know I’ve thought that before. Can I be faking this all? This little voice says yes. What the fuck. I have to be honest about that little voice. I have to bring it up.

She isn’t going to set the agenda. If I want to keep going on the same subject, I have to push onwards into it. What memories are there to open up there? God this is going to take so long and I want to do other things and I know I want to have done this work of digging through elementary school and things.

Honor choir I was the only freshman and I sang alone and they all clapped and cheered for me. I pooped and made the room stink and I was too embarrassed to say. I didn’t have anyone to sit with. I couldn’t sit with people who seemed cool to me. The directors were like gods. The guys were from Montana. I was wearing my first set of boxer briefs. They said I wasn’t like a normal freshman. The performance meant almost nothing. I was sick to my stomach going. I was sick to my stomach going to Eugene. I was sick to my stomach for years before undergrad. J. K. was too. She told me that later on. We read that same book.

I wanted to prove myself. That other guy was shaving and we were all sharing the bathroom. He was shaving. I took my underwear off before getting in the shower. I wanted to show myself I could. I wanted to expose myself.

Why am I so obsessed with the idea of having been molested or raped now and not earlier in my life? How could that be possible? How could I not have remembered it sooner? Or thought of it? Not in undergrad at all. I must be making up that fear. I make up my whole life. All of life is imagined and made up and fake and shit. All of life is imagined period. How am I tired again and yawning. I was always yawning with the computer on my lap. They said the computer heat makes you infertile. Did I lose my chance of having a bigger dick bc I sat a computer on my lap? I loved having a laptop. And, I never looked at porn porn. I was so abnormal. Everyone else did.

Talking with Jacob about penis size. I didn’t think about size mattering. That Hannah who later must’ve fucked Matt P. He came down with shorts so short his dick was hanging out. It was so exciting to me, and horrifying, bc I liked her. I liked so many people. I like so many people simultaneously. I jump around. I can’t find my place. Maybe I don’t have a place. Singing was my place.

I really liked Cole. How much older is he than me? Less older than I am compared to O. I think. He went to India and then he came back and did what. Was he only 24 or 25? We all thought it was fucked up that he dated Eric L and he was a senior and Eric was a freshman. He came out later. I’m so fucked. W moved on to a whole different kind of life where she has adult friends with children and she and F will probably have a kid sooner than later. She already got pregnant once.

J and M (C) are growing up a lot. I see everyone else changing so much. I’m objectively changing with HRT and whatnot. And therapy. And I don’t feel like I’m changing. When change is slow you don’t feel it. Which of these people is really me? My developmental stages are so mixed up. As a kid I fit better with adults. Even my parents say that. Now I really like nineteen year olds and twenty year olds. And, I just saw H and M tonight and there was a big gap between me and H but I was quite into M. I wanted to look at their breasts and forced myself not to. I wonder if both of them noticed and they talked about it later. I wonder how much people notice the things I try to hide. Am I good at it? Am I better than I think? Which me is really me?

I want my breasts to stay small. So I don’t get judged. I’m very worried about being judged. I’m not a women and I don’t like being called a woman. I felt like a man and no longer a boy if that makes sense. But I can be called a girl. I’m getting very agitated thinking that I’m faking being trans. We all change our gender identities bc it’s the thing to do. Conservatives are right. We should be conservatives. The conservative position is easier to defend. They never have to prove themselves. Their beliefs are the old ones. Why should we change. Life is fine. My mom doesn’t want things to change. Or I’m projecting on her. I tho m I’m better than others and I project my bad things onto them so I don’t deal with them. Is that why I feel so free?

How fucked up am I. I wrote that paper about L dying in sophomore year. I’m more introspective and controlled when I’m in a relationship. With A and W and O. Not D. I had to lie about her attractiveness. But I loved her mind. Or I loved her being there for me when I needed someone.

S isn’t comfortable with me. We went to the beach tgt with her brother. I felt she brought her brother so we would t be alone tgt. She probably knows I have feelings for her. And have for over ten years. She’s honestly so pretty. She never replies when I message her on ig. She’s had so much sex and partied so much. Idk if her hair really came back after her eating disorder. She’s a professor. A real one. Not like fake ass me. I live at home. I’m Jim the gentleman caller. I just want to relive my moment of being cool. She wasn’t cool in high school. And, she had a group. And, she’s secure in herself now. Is she? I don’t know her. She doesn’t engage with me probably bc she knows I have feelings for her. If she had feelings for me she wouldn’t react in that way. She would want to talk to me. Or she’s holding me back bc I’m a nightmare pos.

My dads bloody eyeballs. Bloody eyeball in New York.

I had introspection awake at night on my computer. Maybe if I slept more I’d have a bigger dick. They called me pancake. I’m sad that W’s life is complete without me. As I thought earlier me like O so much must make her feel the same way. S watches all my stories but never messages me. She keeps her distance on purpose and has for years. I need to stop reacting to her posts and messaging her ever. She never ever ever reacts to me. I talked to her about O. That was one of our only conversations. In the past year I mean.

I have so much left to say I have to pee I always tried to hold my excretia in.

I used to put stuff in my butt. They took me to the doctor for it I think. And in my ear. Or was that S. I know I fingered myself when I was quite young. I’ve been obsessed with pooping since forever. Obsessed. Butts. Anal phase development. Freud. We both stuck stuff inside ourselves I think. Or was it only him that stick stuff inside his butt. I can’t remember for sure. I thought it was me.

My blue basketball tracksuit. Orange basketball. So excited. Getting up early and getting fully dressed by myself. So excited. Running to my parents. It was so early. They told me to go back to sleep. They were sleeping. I couldn’t sleep. I read something. It was so boring.

Everyone was asleep at the R house. I woke up early and first and I was so bored. I went to play that football video game. My mom got mad at me for playing that game too much. Did she get mad that morning? Tf was I supposed to do????? I was bored. Why did I get disciplined for such stupid shit. That’s a reason I didn’t respect my parents. This shouldn’t be a rule. Same as eating in the living room whole watching tv.

2:30 tomorrow.

Hold on hold onnnnnnnn the bathroom at OLL.

I make up narratives of being emotionally hurt.

So many fucking thoughts!!!!!!!!

Im making up a catholic school molestation story. Or am I.

That bathroom. That bathroom. Urinals without dividers. The tall skinny ones. Just like in the bathroom but 220. 220. Second floor, room 20. Playing football with Dominick and Kyle and one other boy. Kyle is dead now. Kyle C. Kathryn was friends with him. She posted about him. Angie. Leah senior year.

Your profile picture is you with another girl.

I changed it.

How excellent. Walking with Jessica on 4th of July. Dr. A gave a speech. We stepped forward for How excellent. Why was I involved? I don’t know. I wanted to be. They taught me the song. I sang alto I think. My voice was free. Did anything hurt? I don’t remember it did. I didn’t need Ricola. Or did I. My voice got sore junior year. Not sophomore year. I could sing big. I should’ve always gotten to sing big.

I’m going into a tunnel with my practicing. I need to work on something different.

I’m squeezing my neck like crazy.

The church at OLL.

SW from church really really wants me involved in her prayer organization. I am not a believer. It’s BS. That speaker was so BS.

I need to text W.

The church has blue carpet. “Jesus died on the cross, you can stand for twenty minutes.” My legs hurt so much. I remember lighting candles but that happened in California, not here. When Aunt K got remarried. I found out much later her husband drank himself to death. They got divorced before that happened. He would drink rubbing alcohol. Steven went too fast lighting the candles. I was so mad. Don’t you know what you’re doing. But I had to stay in character. My dad has to go up and relight them. I was humiliated. I danced with Baby Anna. She didn’t recognize me after that. She was so cute. I was 10? She was probably three or four. I was so disappointed when she didn’t know me after that. We swam in our shorts. I got such a bad sunburn. My skin was peeling at the Aunt P ranch. We were reading H P. I’m still scarred from that sunburn. Left shoulder. The soda thing. They had their own automatic soda. That was so cool. Everyone else lived in the real world. Not us. We lived in church world where I wore clothes I hated. And we took family photos I hated.

I’m just born evil nothing happened to me I’ve just always been evil and bad.

I looked in the mirror in the same bathroom mirror the same bathroom mirror where I shaved my unibrow when I was mocked I still do or was I even mocked I was just afraid of being mocked why do I have a unibrow why am I the weird one how can anyone love me when I’m so weird

But it’s not the same mirror bc that ugly cupboard got replaced and the door was so broken and I shared it with S and A. Sharing is such a nightmare. This house is pretty small for three kids and two adults it was at capacity. I wonder if that’s why we fought so much.

I didn’t work on the book today again.

The book.

Not my book.

Not even his book.

The book.

Where’s the ownership dumdum dumbass

But even if it’s not the same mirror it’s the same thought. I looked in the mirror and I believe I even said out loud just now

Crazy that I don’t remember

But if I said it out loud my parents would’ve heard

Why don’t I want my parents to know anything

Did they know when Z said he would kill me if he could or he stole all my friends

I was talking about how Lindsay Lohan was naked in parent trap. She must not have known I said. That excited me so much. Being naked. She was naked. It’s bad but it turns me on so much. It’s not appropriate but I’m so into it.

Even T said my obsession with sex is abnormal. But she agreed with me saying that. Maybe she was just pushing me to do more thinking. Idk if others are telling the truth for sure. My moral compass is off. I always want or need an external standard. This is right. This is wrong. I’m bad. I’m a sinner. If I just be myself I do terrible things. I say I’m just in it for the sex. I say all these girls here like me.

He said what did we used to listen to? Jonsi?

Adele too I said

It’s so fucking weird that we message at all.

It’s weird FOR ME that we message

God I’m so far off topic

Did he really forget what we listened to? Are our moments tgt not seared into his brain like laser and fire? I remember everything. I remember his letter. I remember meeting him by the chapel. I remember sitting on the bench outside the music department and we sat for so long and I was thinking this is weird I should leave but he just kept talking and then it was bc he liked me. I’m sure I still have that first letter in my box of heartbreak which is actually an oversized envelope. I remember seeing him from down the hall and feeling so happy. Am. I really gay? And that happiness was real. And maybe I was his gf and that’s why it didn’t feel gay

If I was abused how come I can have sex without being triggered

After a lifetime of being obsessed with sex how come it doesn’t feel good

I never lose myself in it

It just doesn’t feel that good. Masturbating feels better. Did I not have the right partner

I see little me in a dress

Instead I was in stupid fucking clothes I hated

I wore white socks at St. Luke’s with black pants. My mom told me dont. I didn’t want to listen. Then she was right. She was self satisfied afterwards. “yyyyyyyyyyEP.” Why tf were we even at St. Luke’s. S and A lived behind St. Luke’s. They were so cool. BC was there. I talked about having written an opera. He must’ve been like wtf. I saw him at undergrad at a concert. M said to me who was that guy you were talking to and said he was sexy or something. He was. I wasn’t into him though.

Oh my fucking god I’m so off topic AND I want to get this whole thought out.

S and A were so cool. I can talk to A bc I don’t have sexual interest in him. It was a long time before I knew he was trans. I was trying to put so much stuff together. They were both so fucking cool. S isn’t that cool now to me. And it’s hard for me to talk to her calmly. She had meds. I’m sure she has problems like I have. Maybe that’s why our relationship became weird. Weirdly close but not close and I was always yearning for more like I did with B. But I knew I couldn’t !!!!! That was so fucked up. My legs twitched. I wanted to be her.

Hating boy dress clothes. I always have.

Wanting to be an older woman.

But I’m totally cis.

What am I

I looked in the mirror now like I always did in high school and said I think out loud WHO ARE YOU in an emphatic tone of voice. My face and voice were serious. My eyes were wide. My mouth was set. WHO ARE YOU didn’t mean what’s wrong with you in this case.

Katy is commenting to me again it’s the most interaction we’ve had in years why am I not giving more energy back why am I being aloof maybe bc she out distance there and I’m trying to keep myself safe or I’m hurt or I’m just consumed with other things or I just don’t feel close to her. Her not talking to me hurt a lot. Stop distracting from topic!!!!!!!!!!! T hurt a lot. Then T sent that heart emoji to my post today after “stay well”

Alright

Idk what that means and W sees it so simply and straightforward and I just don’t.

That’s not who she was

I’m obsessed with WAS

WHO ARE YOU meant which of these many different versions of yourself that you experience and present is the real one? How can there be so many?????

I did outpatient at the hospital near sams house and Sam dated Irene and Irene announced her engagement today and both of Irenes parents are dead and we haven’t spoken in decades but were still connected online.

I wish I was walking in snow like when I was hurting over D and I walked so far and my mom called me like what the fuck you’re going to get attacked and I said I used to walk the streets of New York much later than this

Sam dated K and he was never the same after that. I was there with Gabi and Kari and we made deep fried lovin and it was amazing and we loved it and Sam and I could never recapture that although we tried a few times. He always said “what do you want to do” and I didn’t know and neither of us had an idea. I went to so many weird ass coffee meets and hangouts in those first few years after high school. A had a pool party or something. When was the slip n slide party. We had all those AGT parties and tried to recreate or simply create the social life and friends over we should’ve had in high school and I believe my mom was extremely happy bc that’s what she had always wanted, to be the party house, like all the kids coming to play at her house when she was a kid. But how could anyone like coming here with the way she acted. We actually were a party house in elementary school. There’s that day when we all played in the rain and I was wearing red sweatpants. There’s the picture where I wanted the attention and I stood in front of the whole group sideways catching snowflakes on my tongue. We played smear the queer in the frosty grass. The athletic boys were the coolest. K’s older brother Dylan was called superstar on the soccer field. We played so many games at OLL. Do you remember tether ball. Words look weird rn what are letters even. Wall ball and black magic and double black magic and triple black magic and quadruple black magic and four square and kickball and soccer and basketball god we were so competitive it was amazing and so fun

Kickball on the asphalt we always had scraped knees who approved that who let us play like that. Brandon fell and left his teeth in the asphalt or at least that was my image of it. Zero the Hero. One hundreds day. Turbo math. Writing books. Everyone else knew things I didn’t. Star Wars. Everyone knew things I didn’t.

We couldn’t be the party house in middle school. She wasn’t safe. I wanted to die. I deserved to die bc I was so disobedient.

Who was I? The no friends middle school. Won’t let myself poop disgusting fart everyone smelled it too scared to pee off the stairs I had to get approval to go to the outhouse too scared to spray the wasp nest taking down the pole and failing and smashing my hand and it had that big scab and I washed it with hand sanitizer bf that was all I had and maybe that’s what caused my blood clot but it happened so many weeks later how did it happen so much later. I was so into J in college junior year and then she told me the story about fucking that other guy when they were drunk. She even Skyped me. She loved that one guy and then he picked someone else and it ruined everything and I was always starving and eating my cereal too fast but I didn’t want to spend money buying more I only went to Cub like once we rode the bus and took so many pictures and I looked so happy in that moment. And R was there. Before he assaulted me. I didn’t want to touch his dick the memory of touching his dick is literally making me shake rn I need to stop it was so hard and small he was everywhere on campus he did whatever he wanted he was loud everyone loved him stop thinking about him!!!!!!!!!!!

My neck and arms are so tense rn what is wrong with me why did I have so many social problems putting my backpack in those cubbies when we went to eat I was so scared it would be stolen I took it with me I was the only one it was so stupid I was such an envarrassing person I’ve been so controlled in my life by embarrassment only the Asian kids ran they didn’t care what anyone thought of them we laughed at them that was so typical mocking any difference. I read the books of school history trying to understand the values and I finally did I didn’t fit in!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have R and E and C.

The protests are dying down. We’re at the limit of change. It’ll take another death to rile this back up. That’s disgusting but I think it’s true. Things were done in Portland at about 9:30.

I feel sick. I feel legitimately sick.

I feel so sick and my ears are ringing great!!!!!!!!!!! And I saw T and her boyfriend and thought about how I want sex and I’m not fuckable. Which maybe I am. Maybe that’s my essential self. Unfuckable and insecure and anxious and scared of being different and scared of being judged and bc of this always already different and trying to be different so I stand out as a star but not wanting to stand out at the same time. Do I even like singing or like music or do I just want to be famous. I have been so confident that I would be famous. I’m so confident in my ideas. I’m so smart. No one can be more right than me. My co fife to self is despicable.

Maybe I loved being fifteen and being with M and being at A M F and two summers ago with O bc I wasn’t this disgusting insecure person but everyone liked me. I’ve been thinking that that person is my essential self. But maybe the whole thing is that thats NOT ME AT ALL. I’m not meant to be a star or be anyone I’m meant to be a worm and disappear and be nowhere and that’s why I do t have groups and that’s why no one liked me at undergrad and at the same time didn’t I keep myself out of groups on purpose so I would keep honoring high school? Like we keep honoring Leah. Just like I keep holding onto the pain of O to honor the relationship that we had and prove my real love for him. He’s moved on more than I could ever imagine moving on except that’s not true in the sense that I don’t know anything but I must be ABSOLUTELY clear with myself when I say that the reason it’s not true is because whatever I say is an assumption and I’m working on not making assumptions about other people at this point in my life bc I need to act on what people say bc I’m not at all a mind reader. And, I hope that he is thinking of me. But I’m playing with myself. He’s fine if he was here then he would be here. He might be in another state he might be in a whole other relationship.

Don’t fake yourself out. He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s moved on.

He’s moved on.

He’s moved on.

He had at least one other relationship.

He might not be single now.

He’s moved on.

He’s not coming back.

I need to finish this. I avoid the real point. Why does my brain do that. And I want to write down every thought. Why so many digressions

Okay then

I’m typing with my eyes closed sometimes which is something I used to do in high school while I was typing late into the night exactly like I am right now. S always lay facedown on his bed which I thought was fucking weird bc I only lay facedown to masturbate.

He did that in the day time

I kissed so many objects after reading the Star Wars novelization

We played Nanosaur at catholic school and public school.

The computers were in the portable

I never got to play as much as I wanted to

The computers were in the library and I played type to learn. I was watching Star Trek tng with my dad on a summer night and it enthralled me I couldn’t tell when special effects were bad at that age. We had to leave I had indoor soccer with Kirill’s dad and he was a star in the Soviet Union he said but who knows and I went to his house one time to play video games and it was a small apartment and I was so surprised. The preps took him in instantly but why not me WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME WHY IS MY GRIUP THE PPL WHO ARE WEIRD SS FUCK

We funked in the halls people laughed at how I didn’t know how to move myself or in anyway be in my body and I couldn’t let go why couldn’t I let go people who let go looked so cool Sam was our mascot at that high school duhduhduh day I didn’t know what tf I was doing there why was I in ASB it just seemed like the thing to do we tied I was relieved when I lost I missed the midnight going into the secret places in the school thing fuck my life I missed so many things I wanted

GOD DAMN JT

There were younger boys who went to pee in our one and only bathroom and they took their pants all the way down to their ankles and the older boys came in and made fun of them while they were still right there and I heard it and made sure not to be like the kindergarten boys so I wouldn’t be made fun of. I think I peed like that before that day. It didn’t matter??? Smooth white butts. There was one brown person in the class named Tharik. Maybe not but we were so white.

Is there anything else to remember about that moment?

Sinks where you pushed the bar at the feet to turn on the water

I’ve been to so many airport sinks and the urinals have no dividers

I always prayed no one else would be in the bathroom why was I so scared to pee beside someone I would be seen why didn’t I want to be seen? Other times I was dying to be seen. How did my desires change so much

Why was I obsessed with sex. I had fantasies of Hoth of magic school bus I was naked in so many. I didn’t want the doctor to examine my penis. I said can my mom do it instead and tell you. No he said but she can sit in the room. Okay he said. I was so scared. Why was I so scared. Why didn’t I handle it normally. Why I’m gods name would I want my mom to see my dick. What the fuck was wrong with me.

Is there ever a time I look back on myself and think wow that was a good decision I’m proud of that. No! I have happy moments like being the only freshman in honor choir or playing the zither or whatever it’s called with A

Am I more evolved than I was then

I choose not to act or do anything bc at least that way I can’t make any mistakes and not acting is also a mistake I can’t bear to do what I did in the past and then somehow I do it before I realize I’m doing it

Why was I obsessed with sex

I read about luke and Leia kissing in that movelization and I kissed so many things around the house trying to capture the description from the boom of how her lips felt. There were choose your own adventure books and i always imagined myself in them and unmade so many self insert fantasies where all the characters were still there. the boys were my friends and the girls were my lovers. I think OLL was where I read junior Jedi knights. We used to go to the library so much the old one and I read through so much Star Wars and Star Trek science fiction. I was never attracted to the boys. I never judged the stories I just enjoyed the imagination. And I read Ancient Greek mhths. I’m a fucking nerd and nothing nobody who got thrust into the center stage and suddenly I had some popularity and then I had that personality push and pull. Always being criticized. A criticized me and W criticized me after my recital like right after and A took down the program in Eugene and Ö tore me apart so many times including after the MC. Anneke was so fucking attractive.

God

I never should have had attention. I liked so much stupid nerd stuff. But I was cool in elementary school. I feel like wherever I am I try to make the stuff I like cool and bring people to me. I can’t fit into them. Music is a great way to do that bc everyone loves music.

I have always had false ideas of who I am but when I’m depressed I can be realistic. That’s why it’s good for me to be depressed. I’m a sinner and no good and deserve it. I deserve to feel bad. It’s penance. I deserve it.

That’s not what I should feel and that’s not what my brain feels but I write down stuff like that bc that’s what my heart is saying. Those could even be in quotes. That’s being said by a different me inside me if that makes any sense.

I’m so privileged. What do people think when they see me. Do I not have more followers and more story views bc I’m a fucking loser and that’s what people see? But I liked myself. I liked what I saw. I liked it. But it wasn’t or isn’t good enough for other people. My opinions grate. My opinions drive people away. Why do I always have such strong opinions.

I never do anything part way

I started masurbating so early. How did I find it

Don’t message back fast. They’re very inconsistent. You’re hoping for much more than they will ever give. You give what you look to receive. You don’t give what people deserve. You don’t give based on the real quality of your relationship but by what you want it to be or you give without regard for yourself and only regard for pleasing the other. A. W. O. D.

No boundaries. Too many boundaries. Inappropriate feelings. I do so much to avoid inappropriate feelings.

What’s inappropriate

Wrong

You should have sexual feelings for that person

You shouldn’t like people that much older or that much younger. I never knew him when he wasn’t an adult I stg

I can’t remember any sexual feelings at all in third grade. I remember so many times when I thought wby dont I like anyone. I remember like forcing myself to like K in fifth grade. I end up dating or whatever people I’m not attracted to. I see someone in them that isn’t the real them and then I expect them to act like that person

I guess I tried to change O. I’m the bad one

Idk if that’s true that I tried to change him.

But I definitely might say x is a good decision in my opinion. Stuff like that.

Am I asexual? The question doesn’t stop coming back to me.

Can I remember anything. I don’t fucking know.

I played with my penis from a time when I was very young.

W feels natural for me but wrong. That’s not who I am.

K doesn’t feel natural these days most of the time and idk why. Is she just a costume :( I don’t want her to be but maybe she is. I have to face all my inner voices. Avoiding them has hurt me a lot.

I don’t see people for who they are. For who they are inside I see them. Nope. That’s my projection. Who I think they could be which is another way of saying who I want them to be. Stupid stupid stupid.

Zuko

Rubbing my dick on my bed felt good. Rubbing it on blankets felt better. Pulling down my pants and then pulling down my underwear. Better and better and better. I didn’t think to masturbate with my hand for years. I went through so much shampoo. I came in so many showers. Once I was scared I would get my sister pregnant bc I came in the tub. I came in my grandparents’ bathrooms. Both of them. My dads dad doesn’t hardly seem like part of the family.

Why don’t i remember more?

Because there’s nothing else to remember.

Each experience is a different me. How will I ever know who the me me is. So many different selves. So many masks. A different person around every single person. Only O and D knew the full me. Not A or W. They were my sex friends and we were in a relationship. Sex was what I wanted. I turned into their emotional support doll. They didn’t support me. I don’t tell W things. She isn’t on my sinsta. I haven’t told her about it. She would be hurt that I didn’t. And that I wouldn’t add her. Don’t give people things they can’t handle. She doesn’t use my girl name. I wonder if O knows I changed my name online. It doesn’t matter. He’s not part of it.

She doesn’t understand a lot. A doesn’t understand a lot. There are these lines right. They’re not like me. But we have sex. Sex is so important to me bc they’re sex friends. But then I get sucked in emotionally. Same with O. We were sex friends that got emotional.

I never had sex that satisfied me.

There’s a gap of why sex why me. Etc. Why secret. I’ve always been a secret whore like lots of white girls.

I’m obsessed with symmetry too. I’m not normal. I hate seeing S’s name in my text suggestions or whatever they’re called. predictive text.

I’ve always been obsessed with symmetry. Idk where that came from. I can’t stand asymmetry in my body which ofc we all have bc nothing is perfect in nature in a mathematical sense.

Left right right left

Up left down right down left up right

I do that pattern constantly. Teeth tongue mouth eyes feet

I’ve done that since forever. Why

Idk

Nothing comes from nothing but that doesn’t mean it came from severe sexual trauma either

I’m trying to find trauma just find sexual thoughts in the past instead

Like my dad giving me that one shirt sex talk and how uncomfortable it was and how I thought about balls or how sex was always trash and we had to go to bed when our parents were watching a movie did they ever make out there was no physicality in their relationship ever. She has her couch my dad has his chair

I don’t want to be physical with them I do with everyone else maybe I’m the abuser maybe I was born that way I kissed everyone they didn’t want it maybe Mrs. H was right to punish me that way. I feel like my sexual interest started before kindergarten

Masturbatimg has always been fantasy time. Sometimes memory time. Sometimes creating fantasy memories. Sometimes living out things I read. Erotica really is the superior porn

I masturbated like crazy, and, I didn’t know any sexual terms. Bisexual is when the woman is older than the man LMAO

I think already in first grade or so I didn’t tell my parents about school. I didn’t want to. Everyone knew who we were. Big ass silver van. We always were the last to leave anything. Always talking like crazy. Public was our only freedom even though it was our fake selves. I kicked the rock into Mrs. G’s ankle. My mom shouted at me. We were just playing. AND I know that I knew I was being risky. We ran laps around the school. It was always hard for me. Running. I always hated it. I couldn’t push myself. That Mikaela or Michaela or however she spelled her name was ahead of me on the sidewalk. She was faster than me. We ran laps under the covered area. That was where we were allowed to play during rain time. I told Jesse she was dat and she said that’s a black mark on my soul and a sin. H E L L H E double L H E double hockey sticks

I peed my pants and somehow Mrs. H knew

[kyliexc]

AYOOOOOO, it me, mini from the blockkk ~ and im here to give you a very bratty kid. she’s rude, unfiltered, ride or die and a hell of a fighter. truly, i hate her but i hope you enjoy her and i wanna plot with everyone new and old pls. 

chicago’s very own kylie castillo has been spotted on madison avenue driving a bentley continental gt, welcome ! your resemblance to becky g is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re hot tempered , but being brave might help you . i think being an aries explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be a bottle of patron, messy makeup brushes and a joint. & ( female + she/her  ) +  ( mini , 23, she/her , est )

We got a pinterest board right here ! Besides that, give this a like and i’ll mssge u! 

Basic Information

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): ky, kyky, k, kybby

Age: 21

Height: 5 ft

Date of Birth: April 15th 1998

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Tattoos: a peach on her ass, #2 tramp stamp and canon becky g tattoos

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

Favourites

Weather: fall

Colour: yellow or pink

Music: sebastian yatra, reik, travis scott,

Movies: halloween or selena

Sport: soccer, basketball, hockey, volleyball

Beverage: tequila

Food: chicken or carne asada tacos 

Animal: lions + dogs

Family

Father: alejandro castillo, soccer player (jersey #7)

Mother: lupe castillo (molina), seamstress/designer

Sibling(s): ricky castillo

Step Siblings: jesse james altera, elissa altera

Pet(s): sushi and lola (dogs)

BIOGRAPHY

FAMILY HISTORY

kylie castillo is 2nd generation American, meaning that both pair of her grandparents immigrated to the United States a looong time ago from Mexico, and both her parents grew up in the USA. 

Her dad, alejandro castillo grew up in Los Angelos, California working to be a big time soccer player, and he got scouted but he ended up playing for MEXICO, and when he wasn’t playing for the official team, he played for Barcelona FC. So her dad made a name for himself in soccer. 

Her mom, lupe castillo molina grew up in Chicago, Illinois. She went to school and started up her own fashion brand, it was small and slowly growing as she was working as a seamstress for different companies all over Chicago. It took awhile to take off, but it did, and she had a shop in Spain bc she was illegal in the US and it was easier to stay in Spain and gain citizenship. ANYWAY, her shop blew up in Europe before getting big in the US. 

Both met in Barcelona where lupe was just a fan. it suddenly became more after they got pregnant, and after they married with their first child they decided to settle in Chicago. 

They were together until Kylie was 12 years old and her mom started seeing angelo altera, eventually marrying him for a few years. This means that she’s step siblings with lennon james and elissa altera! 

That marriage didn’t last that long, so right now both her parents are single, separated and living in different households that share the same customs. EXCEPT, kylie’s mom and dad seem to be sorta reconciling~

lupe castillo currently lives in New York for her step kids and kids while alejandro castillo still resides in Chicago, and sometimes Los Angelos. 

WHO IS KYLIE CASTILLO?

kylie was born in Chicago and she had a pretty normal childhood. she grew up in a house with her parents, siblings and grandparents under one household, growing up with hispanic traditions. She grew up speaking latin american spanish meaning she’s bilingual and is 100% PROUD of her ethnicity even though she has been told the typical slurs from ignorant people, but you know, it happens. it’s really only made her stronger as a person.

kylie has always been the closest to her dad and he implemented not just in kylie but in all of his kids that if you work hard you can achieve anything. to not let anyone tell you that you can’t do things. this was especially true with sports. ofc having a soccer player for a dad, kylie was automatically interested in soccer, all of her siblings were and are. they were known as the sports family on the block.

while her dad taught her sports and to toughen up in any situation, by no means does this mean she was a tomboy. she can play a game of soccer in 6 inch heels. if you don’t think so, she’ll prove it to you! So while her soccer interest grew, her mom would introduce kylie to clothes, makeup, cooking. all of that stuff so kylie always knew to be presentable. ‘let them judge you by what you wear so you can prove them wrong with who you are.’ is one of a thousand quotes her mom would tell her about life.

even if kylie grew up comfortable and in a good position, her parents instilled the value that you gotta work hard to get what you want. if you don’t implement blood, sweat and tears, you haven’t earned it. So if you know kylie, she’s a partier mixed with a workaholic sometimes mixed with a UFC Fighter dEKJGDKJFSGH

When her parents broke up, she went on a rebellious streak, more of a streak than the one she’s always on. she had family that weren’t the safest but for kylie it was safe. so she got involved with some shady characters, and she’s done some stufffffffffff. hmu if you wanna know more. FKJGHDFKHGJ that went on for awhile, she was wildin and she settled into her new home with her step siblings and step dad. 

Kylie is still very much closer to her dad than her mom but she loves them both, bouncing between houses and states (since her mom lives in NYC now) to hang out with each of them often. 

In a grand total, she’s a problem child that just likes to have fun. 

CAREER

There was at one point where she wanted to be a soccer player like her dad but for a women’s team. although there were times growing up where she would definitely show guys she could kick their asses in the sport. she still can! 

When her dad found out what she wanted, he made sure and he worked with her everyday to make her a better player, EXCEPT, kylie overworks herself, A LOT, even when her dad didn’t schedule practices. it didn’t work out for her in the end because during a game she really messed up her knee where she had to give up the sport.

She was DEVASTATED, and she moped for about a day before she found something else, which was makeup. She actually rlly slowly got into it, watching tutorials, practicing on her lita’s, siblings, tia’s, mom, etc. By networking through her mom’s connections, she landed a couple of gigs to do makeup for a couple of backstage things and movie productions. she was getting around to a lot of stuff.

For awhile she was an MUA, and works with a lot of different people. she doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re chill, but then she wanted to try something different and went into music. She is step siblings to lennon james, and there is a lot of musical influence in her life, so of course she was going to dip into that. 

Her style of music is primarily in spanish, targeting that market and since it’s being big in the US, she’s definitely one of the prominent artists since she’s one of the few born in America that makes this type of music. So currently she’s working out stuff with music, working on collaborations, and then doing things in other fields.

Kylie doesn’t believe in limiting herself, if she wants to do something, she’ll do it. She also very much loves to work with charities and going to marches for things she believes in, using her platform for things like that ... even if she isn’t the best person to look up to. 

PERSONALITY

kylie is literally F I E R C E. she’s got two types of personalities, one where she’s a home body and loves her family, will beat you in a quick game of soccer. she’s that bubbly girl with the laughter, sarcastic remarks followed by a smirk at the end of it

BUT

she is also that girl that when it’s time to work, she is scary. she knows what she wants, she knows how she wants it and she will get flustered when it’s not like that. she’s got a whole ‘that BIIITCH’ personality, like when she’s on the red carpet, she just has it going for her kind of thing.

but she’s a goof, and that’s something everyone will notice. she loves to make people laugh and smile. 

if you’re an asshole, those are her favorite types where she’s just drawn to those people. she really does love a challenge. 

A big thing for her is she is really hot tempered. talk shit get hit, is kinda her thing. if you wanna start an argument, don’t expect to come out of it without a scratch on you when you’re with kylie. she just has that mentality that if you don’t wanna talk it out she already has her hands up to start swinging. 

If you’re close to her, she will ADORE YOU. This girl is ride or die for anyone she loves, she doesn’t care what you did, or how other people perceive you. if you’re close with kylie, that’s all she cares about. she’s too loyal.

connections?

old school friends

old school enemies

makeup clientele

squad?

ride or die

drunk friends

sibling like friends

exes ( good + bad + messy + angsty )

crushes ?

former lovers to friends

um, anything? let’s brainstorm ! :)

[liesyousoldme]

Wow, justice for myra she really doesn’t deserve the hate in most reddie fics then. I thought she was just like sonia because movie but I’m happy to be wrong. Audra sounds like a dear and wtf bill cheated on her with bev? Was there some sort of symbolic point? And what about patty?

yeah, i think the thing with myra is that she’s written in the Worst way, she’s so whiny and she cries and like, she’s written in a way that you’re meant to be annoyed by her. and like, eddie literally holds up a picture of myra next to a picture of his mom when she was younger and they look so similar they could be sisters. so that starts the “eddie married his mother” thing, which you also have with “bev married her father”. however, unlike in bev’s case, where her husband is genuinely abusive, eddie’s relationship is mutually toxic. he’s not a good husband. he’s just so used to someone taking care of every single aspect of his life that he finds the person he can get that treatment from, and myra doesn’t know any better.

yeah in the book at the derry town house as adults bill and bev fuck before they go fight It :-)

oof patty! i love patty. she’s super interesting and stan’s chapter is actually from her perspective, so she talks about this school dance she went to as a teen and how she and her date got turned away because they were jewish and how bad it made her feel. she talks about this kind of toxic jealousy and hatred that she can have sometimes but that it’s something she’s worked on and wants to be better about. her parents don’t like stan, and both sets of parents think they’re stupid to get married “young” (they’re in their early 20s) and her parents think they’re going to have to support her and stan their whole lives. she loves stan and their life, but she’s definitely sad that they haven’t had kids. she notices her mom eventually stops even asking about grandchildren after a while. she also worries a bit about stan because there have been a few weird moments. like, at one point i think he just like, randomly says “the turtle can’t save us” and you know she’s just kind of like i’m sorry what and stan’s like “hm. i dunno why i said that!” and he has nightmares and sometimes just seems like he has something he’s trying to remember and it’s right there but he can’t quite reach it. he knows it’s his fault they can’t get pregnant even though there’s nothing physically wrong, and he cries about it and she’s reassuring and loves him even though like. she really wants kids. also she hates marijuana. i think she teaches shorthand? and they live in the suburbs of atlanta because stanley makes every good business decision ever and ends up starting his own company and they’re very financially comfortable. the day mike calls they’re watching tv, and she’s caught up in the show but she notices he acts a little weird. he’s been reading bill denbrough’s books bc he found them and was like “hey! i went to school with this guy!” and she started one but it horrified her, she literally doesn’t call it a novel, she calls it a “horrorbook” and compares it’s grotesqueness to pornography and like, she’s incredibly put off by the violence and the darkness to the point she doesn’t even know how to describe how terrible it is. but he’s reading it, and he gets this call and says he’s going to take a bath. she thinks it’s odd bc it’s not usually the time he takes a bath, but she lets it go. then he doesn’t stop for a beer and he always drinks a beer in the bath, so that’s weird too but she’s watching her show. and time is passing and he’s not back and it’s strange and she’s uncomfortable, he seemed off after that phone call, so she goes upstairs and the bathroom door is locked and that scares her. stan never locks the door. she comes up with this scenario where she just didn’t notice he ran out to the corner store real quick, even though unless he climbed out of the bathroom window she would have seen him. i think she knows, at that point, that something’s seriously wrong. he’s not answering her and like, none of this is like stan at all. so she goes downstairs to get the key to the door and when she first sees him she just stands there. it’s this absolute shock, and it takes her a minute before she starts screaming and it’s really awful and terrible anyway patty’s great, she’s a super normal girl and she and stan were happy together and they deserved better!!!!!!

[rorypcarson]

it’s hope??? again??? yes u read that right here’s my son rory love us this blog is so new so nothing will be in the tags i hate everything lmao anyway like this or message me to plot ily bye

triggers: car crash, drunk driving, stroke, abortion, death, depression ( mention )

╰☆╮ DACRE MONTGOMERY ─ RORY PEARSON identifies as CISMALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a YOUTUBER/MUSICIAN, and they’re only TWENTY-TWO ! they’re said to be +CANDID, but also -DESPONDENT. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE ACCIDENTAL BILLIONAIRE in the tabloids. ( kendall schmidt, logan henderson )

did i use two btr bois as his vc??? u bet ur ass i did & i have no regrets ok anyway on to my son 

background: 

rory pearson was born and raised in fairhope, alabama.  his parents were teenagers when they had him and lived with his grandma scarlett.  his mom jean marie was ousted by her parents when she told them she was pregnant and his dad’s mom took her in with open arms.  

of course his grandma wasn’t going to let them live in the same room in her house without being married, especially with her grandbaby on the way.  so after talking with them, and his parents agreeing, they went to the courthouse and got married three months before rory came into the world.  

rory was born on april 20th, 1996 and he was without a name for six days.  his parents couldn’t decide so they named him rory wyatt vincent pearson.  he was always told that since his parents couldn’t decide on naming him after jean marie’s grandfather or greyson’s father, they picked a third name and gave him both of their names for middle names.  

when rory was two and a half years old ( not really half, it was june ?? ) his parents graduated high school and went out for a party.  unfortunately their designated driver wasn’t so sober and the group of four recent graduates crashed into another car.  

his father was in the passenger’s seat and died on impact, his mother was pronounced dead in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  

scarlett legally adopted rory after that and raised him.  she always told him stories of his parents, but avoided telling him anything about what happened to them for as long as she could.  

he was ten years old when he saw the memorial and recognized his parents from their yearbook photos and came home asking about it.  

honestly this is jumping ahead a bit but rory didn’t learn to drive until he was twenty years old.  and even now, esp now, since he lives in nyc he doesn’t drive often. 

okay when he was seventeen years old he met bethany in an airport.  he was on his way to a college interview on a connecting flight that got cancelled due to weather conditions.  they were both sitting in the same terminal so they got to talking and !!! hit it off

bro legit asked her out 5 seconds after their flights were announced to be back on

“hi yeah we just met but we’ve got two hours before your flight leaves so wanna go grab some food with me???” 

and the rest was legit history

he can remember every moment of their conversation and first date like it was yesterday. oh my god he was SO IN LOVE 

the human embodiment of the hearteyes emoji

and so the pair stayed in touch and went on a couple more dates and the boy was so gd smitten that grandma scarlett took his phone during one of their phone calls and was like “darlin if you don’t fly down here to meet me i’m going to think my grandbaby is just talking to a complete stranger on here.” 

and then bethany flew down and met scarlett and she was so excited because !!!! her grandson had a girlfriend !!!! 

grandma scarlett was the biggest supporter of anything rory did in life oh my GOD 

at his graduation it was just grandma scarlett in the crowd for him but boy did it sound like the whole crowd was cheering for him when his name was called 

anyway flash forward to he’s in college and he’s moved away to be closer to bethany.  which should not have affected his life but when he was looking at colleges fr fr after acceptances the boy chose one closer to his girl

we love a softie ok 

anyway on bethany’s 19th birthday he took her to an airport and was surprising her with a trip to disney that he’s been saving up for for MONTHS !!!! 

and at the airport he was like all jittery and nervous bc in his pocket he had an engagement ring but he did his bEST to hide it all from beth bc surprises 

not that he planned the whole thing ( he did ) but it just so happened they were in the same restaurant waiting for their flight as their first date way back when

and in the middle of dessert, the waiters singing happy birthday this boy attempts to be sly and gets down on one knee.  but didnt realize there would be someone coming up behind him to keep up the singing and he ..... kinda caused a mini avalanche of people

and he apologized and is like still on one knee and now he’s looking at bethany with a BRIGHT RED face and he had had this whole speech worked out in his mind ok but all that comes out is, “i love you, please marry me?” in like an awkward stutter because he just TOOK OUT AN ENTIRE WAITSTAFF 

somehow bethany said yes ??? and they’re engaged ??? 

oh and someone got the whole thing on camera and like that happened 

the video skyrocketed to the most viewed video entitled “i witnessed an awkward proposal???? and she still said yes?????” 

which is also lowkey how he started his youtube channel ?? 

“hi yes it’s me the guy who proposed to an olympic athlete while taking out a whole waitstaff?? i dont know why she said yes either but i love her??”

and for a long time it was mainly vlogs of him and beth and him and his friends 

okay so fast forward and rory’s graduated college with a degree in history education bc he wants to be a teacher and he’s got to fly back to alabama and miss his graduation because he got a phone call and grandma scarlett had a stroke

so the boy is freaking out but it’s fine !!! grandma goes home and he winds up staying down and now he’s trying to figure out how to be with beth, find a job in ny, but also take care of his grandma 

for a while he toys with the idea of moving grandma up to new york and helping her find a place.  so he goes back to new york to talk to beth about it and he’s freaking out and he gets home and she tells him she’s pregnant

of course he never expected to be like 20 and having a baby but ??? whatever.  now he’s freaking out because his grandma is not doing good and he’s worried about her and now he’s got to figure out what to do with a BABY ???

and bethany then tells him she wants to get an abortion and rory’s already stressed and so he flips bc of emotions and they get into a huge fight and it just winds up with him leaving and heading back to alabama and bethany in their apartment  

so rory goes home to alabama and he keeps getting notifications on social media about bethany so he just shuts his phone off and i’m talking like he goes days without touching his cell phone.  he takes a hiatus from youtube because he’s freaking out and 

two months after he’s home he seemed like scarlett was doing better so he took her to a party in town to see some of her friends and at the party scarlett had another stroke.  

she died six days later, never waking up from the medically induced coma they put her in.  

flash forward a couple more weeks after he’s working with lawyers for his grandma’s estate and rest assured scarlett pearson had nothing but her house, her garden, and her beat up corvette that her deceased husband wyatt bought her for their anniversary one year

so its a shocker to find out that scarlett pearson was worth 43.7 billion dollars 

and now that money all goes to rory because he’s her only living heir ???

so rory gets this BOATLOAD of money and the local newspaper picks it up which brings it to the national news and somehow it made international news

“local alabama boy from youtuber to billionaire overnight” 

so he kept his grandma’s house in alabama because ..... he can’t seem to let that go and why should he ?? its a good house and holds a lot of memories

but he does in fact buy a brownstone in manhattan its HUGE and he doesn’t have enough things to fill the whole space up but ??? he’s working on it slowly. 

he created a makeshift recording studio in one of the upstairs rooms and has been working on music, which is new to him ?? he was always a bit artistic but never sure enough to like try it out

oh and he’s returned to youtube, he’s got a decent following i guess 

i mean lbr he’s hot ???? and sings ??? so ??? ya know 

personality: 

okay so this is long already so im gonna keep this short n sweet

rory is a sweet boy, never really an athletic type always more focused on his studies than sports.  

spent a lot of time with his grandma and he’s very easily attached to people he’s close to.  not exactly clingy, but it’s really hard for him to let people go i guess ??? 

used to love shows like survivor and big brother and amazing race. always toyed with the idea of applying to be on amazing race but he never had anyone who would go with him, or could for that long.  

he’s a real kind hearted guy and clumsy as fuck

a bit awkward when you first meet him but ??? you warm up quickly and so does he

clumsy af as noted earlier 

kind of depressed ??? idk he’s not seeing anyone for it but post losing beth, his grandma, and like the possibility of a family in the future he’s kinda ..... morbid 

puts on a happy front for youtube

oh and he does a podcast talking about stuff with his friends idk what exactly but ?? its prob music and movies lbr

connections: 

best friend(s)--self explanatory; people who he gets along with and they’re like his ride or dies.  

nerd friends--give him someone to geek out with please he’s SUCH A NERD !!!! or someone who likes learning random things he’s got u 

musical friends--people who he met through starting to delve into music 

youtube community--give me people who !!! met through youtube and often do colabs together.  probably ppl who were shooketh when he came back and was like “bro i have 40 billion dollars????”

wealthy friend(s)--give me someone who will teach this boy how to be wealthy ??? like cause he knows nothing about that he struggled a lot growing up and with college and several part time jobs he doesnt know how to like party or anything 

idk anything else 

[ginnysweasley]

h i s t o r y : born and raised in california / originally from the napa valley area dad / dad’s family immigrated and started a vineyard that’s still in the family name / mom’s a bomb ass neurosurgeon / and those two intelligent minds made a dummy / barely can add 2 plus 2 and gets stressed everytime she has to figure out a tip / always ends up overtipping / spent a couple of months in community college and then broke the news to her parents that she wanted to be an Actress / her mother has not let her live it down or stopped trying to push her to be something she’s not / but she’s daddy’s angel so they keep a joint bank account to keep her stocked in the latest free people summer dresses / they got over it because her biggest disappointment was getting hitched.

went to an all girls school / insert a string of embarrassing first loves / and dates until she met the Love Of Her Life / is so disgustingly in love it’ll make you puke / but she’s been feeling less than Sellar about him lately / like happily unhappily loved up and taken but still the type to always warn her friends they need to see a 401k, three years of tax filings, and have a prenup ready before they even go on the first date / a girl’s girl / her: i love women and hate men (minus safan kahil).

a e s t h e t i c : beach volleyball till the sunrise / passing out in the private beach in front of her family’s home and feeling safe because what are public beaches / blonde from questionable origins but she wears it’s natural and the sun gives her highlights / californian™ / fridge: stocked with leftover nobu boxes from the night before and sparkling water / her diet: sushi and fish tacos / would die for fish tacos and mexico coca cola / swears she can taste the difference / also all she wears is free people & and buffalo exchange / a wanna be alexa chung truly / probably dated some band dudes before she settled down.

a b o u t :  once heard that barbara streisand uses la mer eye cream concentrate all over her face to stay wrinkle free so she’s been doing the same too / was a theater nerdy ass kid in middle school / literally every single dress down day she wore a cats the musical t-shirt / the teachers were this close to making fun of her ass / still a nerd / frequently drags saf to see musicians even though he always falls asleep 

had a glow up in high school / which is just another way of saying she got boobs / says she’s an actress but like that’s a bold statement from someone whose biggest check to date came from a a chuck e cheese commercial (which was very rude, she was 18 at the time and they kept insisting she looked like 12), and some sally hansen nail modeling / if you look really closely on one of the ads in glamor those are her hands / she’s really proud of her hands.

real stubborn so when she got married she told herself she was cut off from her parents / lasted like four months and now works for her dad / which she swears is more than him still giving her an allowance (it’s fucking not) / everyone: a n y w a y / but she needed a way to afford her highlighter obsession / how often do you think saf just faints when he sees her sephora receipt? often. / him, tryna be sly: ‘ur beautiful the way u are u don’t need a - 70 dollars foundation. you paid 70 dollars for that?’

she probably moved to la for like 3 months and spent the whole time crying and came back because she can’t take rejection / she’s like a real sensitive bitch / quick to drag others in a friendly way but then gets in her fucking feelings easily / tw: miscarriage / was pregnant unprepared lost it and now she’s really in her feelings / all of the nursery things she bought on credit are showing up at the door now and she’s not over it / says she’s fine though but she’s binging on queer eye and crying still gets excited for trick candles on her birthday / “why are they not blowing out? wow so cool” / everyone: ur a fucking dumbass

needs: friends and things???????????? art ho friends. friends that get into a lot of online wars with trolls on twitter and don’t sleep until 4am because this person keeps underrepresenting beyonce’s talents and accomplishments. and idk whatever else. she’s probably an only child bc i don’t feel like requesting family. but if anyone does make a bella and the fam history sounds like they’d be down - basically rich parents - then i can add a sister. finding correct faces is too much work though. maybe some cousins on her mom’s side? they’re russian. oh and in laws.

[deliverydefresas]

darling just dive right in, and follow my lead

I’m gonna say it right here, right now; it’s a mess, sorry.

not proofread bc i am me. 

“My best friend is getting married to your best friend and we have to walk down the aisle together, I remember never really liking you but you look so good in this, wow”

“Ugh, I hate weddings.”

“No one’s going to marry you so don’t worry, boo; you’re in the clear.”    

“Fuck you, Balsano.”

“You’ve been there and done that, Smith.”

He knows she’s seconds away of slapping him, but annoying his blonde friend had always been too much fun to pass out. He hasn’t seen her in almost seven years, but teasing her is still as fun as it had been in high school, and he likes it. It’s a sense of familiarity in a place surrounded by strangers.

Leaving Argentina after his junior year of high school was to be expected. His parents moved around a lot and staying more than a couple of years in one place had been basically impossible in his childhood, so he tried his best to not get attached to people he knew he was probably never going to see again the next year. Of course, leave it to Gastón to not allow that.

Even after leaving, his best friend made sure to keep in touch, refusing to be just another face he acquainted through the years. So, he e-mailed, texted, called, even visited him once or twice on their senior year; ultimately leading to both enrolling in Oxford and rooming together through all semesters.

Matteo had seen Gastón go through many phases on his life, and he was there when he broke it off for a couple of months with his girlfriend when he left for England, saw how difficult the distance had been on him; but he also saw Gastón pick himself up and fight for the love of who, by tomorrow evening, would be his wife. He was proud, and more than happy to see his best friend marry someone who made him happy, too.

He did resent the fact that he barely knew anyone in the wedding, though. He was stuck with Queen Ámbar and Her Royal Bitch attitude.

“No wonder you and Gastón are friends, you both are dicks.” She huffs, and if it weren’t because her hair’s up, he’s sure she’d flip it like she used to in high school.

He snorts. “And you need to get laid.”

By now, Ámbar’s patience is gone. She flips him off and turns away, ignoring him. Matteo’s about to joke his way out of her anger when his best friend approaches them, his grin so wide it takes half his face. He’s holding two glasses of whiskey, and hands him one.  

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Blake’s power couple of our generation! The flashbacks are real, and so are the déjà vus… that glare and that smirk… so 2016.” Ámbar flips him off, too, and walks away, cursing them lowly. Gastón shouts before she’s out of hearing range, “Nina’s looking for you, by the way! Bridesmaids meeting!”  

This takes Matteo off guard, “Ámbar is a bridesmaid?! Didn’t she hate Nina in high school?”

His friend snorts, “they still can’t stand each other, but one of Nina’s friends from college ditched the bridesmaid position because she had a job interview out of the city. We had to fill her place.”

“And you thought of Ámbar?!”

“Not really,” Gastón admits, “we asked Delfi first, but then she got pregnant and said she wouldn’t walk the isle 36 weeks pregnant.”

Matteo interrupted him, “dude, you asked your ex-girlfriend to be one of your fiancée’s bridesmaids?”  

His answer is a shrug, “Nina and she are friendly, and her husband is one of my groomsmen. It’s chill.” Then he continues, “anyway, after that we asked Jazmín, but she said there was no way in hell she was wearing a yellow bridesmaid dress.”

“So Ámbar was your last option?” Gastón nods, sipping his drink again, “how did you even got her to agree? I can’t see her saying yes, much less after you asked both her best friends first.”

“I have no idea how Luna did it, and frankly, I’m scared of the answer.”

“Luna? Who’s Luna?”

The name didn’t ring a bell. Not like many in this party did, but Gastón said most of the guests were from high school, and he didn’t remember any Luna’s back in the Blake.

“Nina’s best friend, and Maid of Honor. Y’know, the girl you were supposed to help plan this wedding and walk down the isle with?” Gastón is teasing him, and he knows it, but he can’t help but panic a little.

“I was supposed to help plan this? What the fuck, dude?”

“Bro, I’m messing with you. Between my mom, Ana, Nina and the girls handled everything. I was lucky they even let me choose part of the menu and cakes.” The idiot is laughing at his expense, so he joins him once his moment of panic goes away. He might be a jerk, but he was a nice jerk. He knew weddings could be stressful, and that usually everyone had to help so in the wedding the bride and groom could relax and enjoy their party, his mom had warned him about it. However, Gastón had only asked him to plan his bachelor party and that was it. So, that’s the only thing he did besides showing up to suit appointments and, well, show up to the celebration.

“Okay, but how come I’ve never met this Luna girl, then? The wedding is tomorrow.”

Gastón looks at him confused, “you haven’t seen her? She’s followed Nina around the whole night. Besides, she went to the Blake with us, she’s been Nina’s best friend since Junior Year.”

Matteo digs on his memories of his last year on Argentina before leaving for England, trying to picture the girl Gastón was referring to. He remembers Nina hanging out mostly with a red head and a blonde, Jim and Yam, who were her other two bridesmaids, and then he remembers a girl got transferred from México and Nina and her getting attached to the hip.

He can picture her now. She was super short, like 13-year-old short, had long brown hair and pretty eyes, always laughing and daydreaming. They had barely talked back then, since Matteo left Gastón alone so he could talk to Nina when they met in the hallways, running to catch Ámbar before their next class started. He also remembers him flirting with her once or twice and she quickly turning him down and calling him a snob.

“Oh. They’re still close?”

“Super close. Like you and I, they went to college together. Nina loves her a lot, she’s the sister she always wanted, encourages her to try new things, doesn’t push her.”

“You seem to like her a lot, too.” He comments, finishing what was left of his whiskey. Gastón’s smile is a genuine one, nodding to his question.

“She’s the main reason Nina gave us another shot. And she’s genuinely one of the nicest people you’ll ever met; difficult not to like her.”

“So, without her there would be no wedding tomorrow?” Gastón nods again.

“Basically.”            

“Well, I should thank her, then. For making you and your bride happy.” His best friend laughs, and starts walking to the bar, gesturing for him to follow. “I must ask, is she as short as I remember her?”

“She grew a little on senior year and a little more when I saw her on a visit to Nina in college, but she’s still tiny. Why?”

He shrugs, “curious, I guess.”

Gastón asks for two glasses of water when they reach the bar, and fails to notice his fiancée walking to them. Nina smiles at him as hello, and he smiles back. The girl was shy, and barely talked to him most of the time, but he never took offense on that. She was shy, sometimes overly so, but she loved his best friend like he loved her.

“Boys,” she calls once she’s close enough for them to hear her. Gastón’s smile turns into a happy grin when he sees her, “our parents want a picture of us before the wedding, can I steal your boyfriend time for a moment?”

Gastón nods immediately, asking her to take them to their parents. Matteo grabs the glasses of water before following behind; he still hasn’t said his greetings to Gastón’s parents, or Nina’s, or anyone who isn’t Ámbar and Gastón, so he takes it as the opportunity to.  

They’re almost near their parents when he hears Ámbar’s snarky tone, “look, Fratman and Robin are here, now. And Neurotic Bride too, yay.” He turns his head to her voice, and is surprised when a brunette elbow her on the arm, asking her to be nice. He doesn’t think Nina or Gastón heard her, or if they did they ignored her, because they don’t look back their way, they go straight ahead where there’s a photographer waiting with their parents.  

“I knew you were missing me already, darling.” He teases as he approaches them, Ámbar rolling her eyes while the girl, Luna if his memory is correct, looks at him curiously.

“I didn’t know Ámbar had brought a date to the wedding.” She says, and Matteo smiles when he notices her voice has changed a little. He can’t tell if she’s taller, since she’s wearing heels, but she’s grown, alright. Her chest and hips are a little rounder, her face a little slimmer. Her hair is still long and wavy, her eyes a pretty shade green. She’s a beauty.

“She wishes.”

“He wishes.” Both answer at the same time, and Ámbar speaks again, “he’s Gastón’s idiot of a best friend and his best man. Matteo Balsano.”

Luna’s pretty eyes shine in recognition, and he’s proud she seems to know who he is. “It’s nice to see you again, Matteo.”

“Likewise, Luna. I’ve heard you’re the responsible this wedding is even happening at all.” She’s blushing, and he grins because she looks lovely, her dress is a pretty shade of pink and suits the blush perfectly.

“Oh?”

“Gastón told me you helped them get back together.”

“Oooh. That was all them, honestly. I only told her to follow her heart, I’m glad it worked out this way.”

“Me too. If not, we wouldn’t be here, and I would have missed seeing you tonight. You look very pretty.”

Her blush only intensifies with the compliment.

“Lunita,” Ámbar calls for her attention, glaring right at him, “I think Nina wants a picture with you and Simón.” The blonde basically spits the guy’s name, but it’s enough for Luna to look back where Nina and a guy around their age are waving to gain her attention. She excuses herself, smiling apologetically at him, he doesn’t know if it’s because she doesn’t want to leave, or because she doesn’t want to leave him with Ámbar. She still leaves. “What are you doing, Balsano?”

“What? I’m the best man, I should be friends with the maid of honor.”

“You didn’t even acknowledge her in high school.”

“Neither did you, what’s your point.” His tone comes off defensive, and Ámbar smirks when she sees him squirm a little, “since when are you friendly with people, anyway?”

“Shit happens. Pigs fly. Life changes.” She’s vague about it, which means she doesn’t want (and won’t) talk about it.

So, he changes the topic. “Who’s Simón?”

Her smirk turns into a scowl, “the guitarist is Luna’s friend from México, and one of the groomsmen. Remember the Nico and Pedro from the roller?” he nods, “well, they’re a band. Ironically, and pathetically, they’re called the Rollerband. Maybe you’ve heard of them.”  

He had heard of them. They weren’t quite as popular in Europe, but some of their songs played enough back there. Now he understood why Gastón liked them so much.

“I’m guessing he’s not of your approval?”

“He’s even a bigger idiot than you are.”

Again, she doesn’t specify what she means by that, and he doesn’t push. After that, night falls into a quick pace. He doesn’t talk or hangs out with Luna that much after that, busy catching up with his best man duties and trying to talk to everyone he can, thanking them for being there for Gastón and Nina.

He does notice, however, that every time he looks at Luna, she’s looking right back at him.

The next morning is a frenzy. Everyone seems to be in a hurry, and his best friend is a mess of nerves. He’s almost sure Gastón has stopped himself from throwing up at least twice.

By noon, he’s ready to get this over with.

The wedding is supposed to start at 13PM and by 12:40 he’s called to stand with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids in a little room inside the chapel, so he leaves Gastón with his parents. He tells them all hello, not surprised to see Jim and Yam together, but curious about the other two groomsmen who he hadn’t seen before. One of them introduces himself as Ramiro, Yam’s fiancé and one of Nina’s college friends. The other one seems more familiar, and is surprised to find out he’s Pedro.

“Wait, you’re Delfi’s husband?” Out of all the couples, he didn’t see that coming. Pedro had been shy and chill, while Delfina was, well, intense.

Pedro’s smile was a proud one, and even he could tell he was head over heels for his wife, “of three years.”

“Soon to be father of her son.”  A voice he doesn’t recognize says, and he tilts his head towards it, to the wall Simón is leaning on.

“Nobody asked for you comment, guitarist.” Ámbar scowls from her seat near the window, flipping her hair away from her face. It’s just now that he notices all bridesmaids have their hair down, a small braid and a pin being the only “do”. He also notices Luna isn’t there yet, most likely still with Nina in a different room.

“And nobody asked for your whine, little gem.” Simón’s tone is playful, and something more, but he can’t exactly pinpoint it. The guy must love teasing her, or provoking her, because he’s not one bit bothered when she starts name calling him, and responds to each with glee.

He also notices it must be a normal occurrence, since everyone looks more amused than anything.

They don’t stop their bickering until Luna comes into the room, announcing that it’s show time. His eyes scan her appearance from head to toe, smiling when she looks at him, realizes he’s checking her out and blushes a little. He’s not ashamed to admit his breath hitched a little when he saw her.

Everyone starts emptying the room, laughing when Ramiro almost trips on the door. He offers her his arm, which she gladly accepts before they leave the room, closing the door and following the rest to the entrance of the chapel.

He leans until his lips are above her ear, and whispers, “you look beautiful, Luna.”

And she does, very much. Yellow suits her a lot more than it suits the other girls, so Nina must have had her in mind when she picked the color. The fit of the dress is perfect on her, too, and accentuates her figure nicely. She, unlike the other girls, has half her hair pinned in a pretty bun, and her pin is a little bigger. Matteo guesses it’s to state she’s not a bridesmaid, but the maid of honor.

“Thank you, Matteo. You look very handsome, too.” He grins at the compliment.

Jim and Pedro go in first, followed by Yam and Ramiro. Luna has to remind Ámbar to smile when it’s her and Simón’s turn. Finally, it’s their time.

“Don’t let me fall,” she whispers, squeezing his arm slightly.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Luna offers him a small smile as thanks, standing straighter before turning to the crowd and widening her smile. It only takes them a minute to reach the end of the aisle, and he can’t help himself from kissing the back of her hand before she releases his arm to stand next to the girls.

He winks at her before he, too, takes his place next to Gastón and the rest of groomsmen.

The wedding is beautiful.

Matteo’s pretty sure everyone got teared up, because even he did at one point. Nina’s parents are a sea of tears even after the ceremony ends, crying at everything and at nothing. He’s almost sure the poor girl is lowkey embarrassed. His best friend hasn’t stopped smiling, and Matteo’s happy he’s happy, and in love.

The actual party hasn’t started yet, everyone is busy enjoying the dinner before they announce the first dance and they’re asked to join. The couple has done their speeches, as have Luna and Matteo, and the proud parents.

Matteo’s happy he’s sharing Luna’s table, too. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen plus their dates are seated in one big table next to the bridal one, where Gastón is feeding Nina mushroom soup.

The table doesn’t grow in quantity that much, since Yam and Ramiro are each other’s dates, and Ámbar, Simón, Jim, Luna and he are dateless. So, it’s only Pedro who brings someone. Delfi looks different than how he remembers; he doesn’t know if it’s the fact that she’s pretty much in her last weeks of pregnancy and is glowing from it, but she looks happy and in love.  

“So, what’s the laundry story?” Luna asks him once their plates of soup are done, sipping water from her glass cup. He copies her movement, taking a sip of his own glass.

“It was in the Nina-less era of college. Gastón went out one night, and came back to our apartment really, really wasted. I sent him to his room to sleep it off, but he said he wanted to pee first. I didn’t really realize how wasted he truly was, so I thought he could be alone and not cause damage, y’know?” She nods, barely turning to look at the waiter to thank him for changing her soup plate for the main course, “when he took more than five minutes, and I didn’t hear the flush I went to check up on him, thinking he had fallen asleep in the bathroom.”

“He didn’t?”

Matteo snorts, “I wish he did. The fucker peed on our laundry basket thinking it was the toilet, and started crying once he realized it wasn’t. And then cried harder because “he was a mess” without Nina.”  

“No!” she gasps, and then laughs out loud. He had hated his best friend that night. His favorite shirt was there, and they had to throw away at least half of those clothes. There was no way, even deep cleaning them, that he’d wear clothes peed by Gastón.

“What are you laughing about?” Ámbar wonders from Luna’s other side, catching the attention of the others. Matteo tells them the story, and they too burst a laugh. The topic is changed to drunk stories and memories of their younger years.

He feels somewhat left out, because he wasn’t there when most of the stories happened, but he doesn’t let it bother him. At one point, Simón makes a comment about one of Ámbar’s skinny dipping adventures that gains him a slap and makes the blonde leave the table. He excuses himself to go after her, sighing when he sees Luna’s reproachable eyes.

“What’s their deal?” he asks to no one, but it’s Delfi who answers.

“Ámbar’s tired of waiting for him to finally man up and ask her out.”  

“Wait, she likes him?”

Luna looks amused at his confusion, “you haven’t noticed? I say it’s pretty obvious, even I have and I’m clueless in this stuff.”

“He more than likes her. I mean, they both have been screwing for months.” Pedro snorts, subtly pushing more vegetables to Delfi’s plate when she’s looking away.

“They screwed last night, and I’m pretty sure they did again this morning. Ámbar didn’t make it to her room until 9AM, I checked.”

Matteo finds that he is, in fact, not really surprised. No wonder she got all pissy about the guy.  

Even after the topic’s moved to the wedding, and Ricardo’s crying speech, Luna seems distracted, and he catches her looking frequently to where Simón and Ámbar disappeared to.

“They’re probably making out right now, don’t worry.” He tells her quietly, trying to ease her worry. She smiles.

“I know, I just can’t help it. He’s my best friend and she’s my cousin, I just want them to be happy.” She sighs, “plus, Nina and Gastón are going to dance soon, then their parents and then it’s our turn. They need to come back soon.”

“Your cousin?” He’s shocked, and he sounds like it, too.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

“But she didn’t even talk to you in high school?”

“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t here in senior year!” That leaves him even more confused, so she explains, “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m adopted. I’m originally from here, but when my biological parents died, they couldn’t find me any other relatives, so, I was put up for adoption. Mónica and Miguel – those are my adoptive parents- adopted me and we moved to México when I was still a toddler. On my sophomore year I decided I wanted to find who my parents were, and if I had any family left, so we came back. The truth came out on my junior year – and Ámbar’s senior- and I found that I had family left. My aunt had adopted Ámbar, thinking she was me. That wasn’t the case, obviously, but I learnt to see Ámbar as my cousin and gained an aunt and a grandpa, I can’t complain.”

“That’s… very mature of you.” She laughs at this.

Cake gets them momentarily distracted, and they both ask for a double piece, not really caring if any other person is left without cake. Not that it was possible, since Gastón asked for two five level cakes to begin with.

Conversation flows easily between them. He doesn’t feel pressure to appear cool, or funny, or interesting, because Luna on her own makes him feel that way. He has to agree wholeheartedly with Gastón’s description of her; Luna’s the nicest girl he’s ever met, and she has a natural charm that just makes you like her. If he hadn’t had a crush before, he surely has one now.

The guitarist and his little gem get back to the table just as Nina and Gastón’s first dance as a married couple is announced, looking all flushed and lips swollen.

“Did you two had fun christening the bathroom?”

His comment earns him Ámbar’s middle finger and a nervous laugh from Simón, plus Luna’s bony elbow against his ribs.

They all watch in silence how their friends sway on the dance floor, biggest grins and stolen pecks every now and then, enjoying themselves and the moment.

“I want that one day.” Luna’s whisper is so low, he’s almost sure it was meant just for her to hear.  But he can’t help to question.

“A wedding?”

Luna’s soft eyes flicker to him, and shakes her head lightly, but doesn’t answer him out loud. By now, the bride and groom are dancing with their parents, laughing while they sway. They know they’ll be called to the dance floor soon, so Luna suggests for all to stand up and get there already. Delfi declines dancing, her belly too heavy for her to even sway comfortably, but urges her husband to take Jim.

She’s right about being called soon, because as soon as they’re near the dance floor, the host asks for them to join their friends and their parents. Matteo doesn’t hesitate to take her hand and lead her to the center of the floor, swirling her a little before pulling her to him and sway to Michael Bublé’s voice.

She sighs contently, and leans her head on his chest. He welcomes the gesture, his grip on her waist tightening a little. He doesn’t know if it’s too soon, or if he comes too strong, but he gets it now. He wasted the chance when they were younger, now he’s decided to try.

“Luna?” she looks up, her eyes waiting for what he’s going to say, and he knows what she means now. She looks confused for three seconds, before his words dawns on her. “I want that one day, too. Hopefully with you.”

[strydcr]

hellooo babes, i’m blair waldorf acacia (◠‿◠✿) nineteen, she/her, and the main admin here. lol sooo sorry you guys are all trapped in this rp with me. but wtver~ you guys will learn to adore my 3am messages comin’ up with plot that’ll hurt us and what not. also meet the beauty that is stryder estrellas. anyways, i’ll try to keep this as short as possible. since i always get lazy halfway thru writin’ intros. :~)) )) ) &&. of course this got way longer than expected so just find the ☪  at the end to read the summary // aim: alohacacia && skype: alohacacia

****psa you clicked on this so you’re obligated to plot with me srry but i don’t make the rules.

░   * . ╰ ✯ ›  ⊰ SELENA GOMEZ, CIS-FEMALE, TWENTY-THREE ⊱ is that STRYDER ESTRELLAS ? the BARISTA & FLORAL SHOP ASSISTANT MANAGER. they’re known to be INTELLIGENT & INDEPENDENT. but also BLUNT & CYNICAL. unknown to them, they are the reincarnation of PERSEPHONE.

BACKGROUND + TRIGGER WARNINGS: cheating 

well to kick things off, stryder is that one night stand baby. let’s call her biological dad “bio father/dad” and her mom’s husband “dad” then of course her mom is “mom”. sorry if this is confusing. but just think about how stryder is gonna feel once she finds out about this.

once upon a time her mom and her dad were happily in love. like they were the high school sweethearts who ended up getting married and blah blah blah. but before she was born, there was a point in time where the two broke up. probably once they were both about to start freshman year of college. that’s when her mom hooked up with stryder’s bio dad. she obviously ended up getting pregnant. but she ended up making up with stryder’s dad. SOOOOOOO…. he thinks he’s stryder’s father. but he ain’t. the one night stand hook up is.

stryder is completely unaware of the fact that he’s not her real father. her mom is still in contact with her biological dad. obviously, keeping that a secret from both her husband and stryder. but it’s only because her bio dad always sends her money to help provide for stryder. so basically this family is a mess. but only on the low. because on the outside this family is absolutely perfect. she grew up in a really nice household. suburban type of wealth in a town outside of los angeles, california. big house, nice cars, a vacation every now and then. but not rich enough to like be bill gates or something you get what i’m saying? just a nice upper middle class.

you might be wondering... how did they end up in seattle? one day her dad told the fam he had to move out to there because of work. (occupation: tbd) so they packed up everything they had and left. this was around the time stryder was starting her senior year of high school. stryder really isn’t the type to throw a fit over dumb shit. but you know this girl started bawling knowing she wasn’t going to graduate with her only two friends. ‘cause she had to start the loner life all over again.

now, stryder works at a small coffee shop as a barista and an assistant manager at a floral shop. (cause persephone, flowers, how cute.....) she does go to school at a community college about 30 minutes away from her house. probably studying to become a botanists. (a literal flowerchild yes.) and to her surprise she is actually enjoying living here. she doesn’t know why, but she feels drawn to the place.

PERSONALITY + RELATIONSHIPS + TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety 

PERSONALITY wise, she’s that tumblr post that’s like ——— me: i love myself i’m such a bitch // me: i hate myself i’m such a bitch. because one day she’ll be like “oh my god you’re my best friend!!!!!” then they’ll do her shady and she’ll be like “new phone who dis?” like do her dirty and she’ll get angry real quick. which is bad because it’ll trigger her anxiety. but yayayayayayayayyyyy. she’s the type to be sippin’ tea with her pinky finger up. she is the “is it bad that i secretly want to be hit by a car all the time” but also the “gotta better myself, my body, my skin and my bank account” type in one. she has a very clean exterior. although she outcast herself a lot. she does care about her appearance. (i.e. she has a sense of fashion.) she really likes to read and learn. so, you can always catch her doing something of the sort. talk to her about flowers or coffee and she gotchu. overall, stryder is pretty wishy washy. it all depends on her mood. she’s kind of a wallflower. isn’t exactly the most popular baby. but that’s by choice, not by force.

when it comes to FRIENDS stryder can always use some of 'em. she possess the qualities of a good friend loyal, honest, trustworthy. however, she can be quite obstinate. which might be a reason why she might not have as many friends as she would like. once her mind is set to think a certain way it’s hard to persuade her to believe otherwise. she’s the type of friend to listen to your problems, but be prepared to listen to her opinions – all of them. she’s also the type to put a friend in check when they need it. she thinks of it as trying to convince them to see the bigger picture. first impressions is something she might not be very good at. while she isn’t exactly the definition of rude, she tends to not filter then things she says. overall, i would say that she might just need a handful of friends and just a whole bunch of acquaintances.

i’m pretty sure stryder doesn’t think she has is ENEMIES. but, i could obviously understand why a girl like her would have any. she tends to be very outspoken and although she doesn’t mean to insult anyone or come off rude, she can’t help it. so, there’s always that. stryder is the type to hold grudges. (this is mostly because of her mother — trust issues man) she thinks once you fuck her over, then inevitably, you’re gonna do it again. basically, if you lose her trust everything you had, despite how far back your past goes, she isn’t going to trust you fully again. so if there was any type of fall out at all, stryder is gonna be pissed 5ever. but if in some point in time where she had to chose between her life and saving another’s, she’d save them before herself. stryder’s a good person guy’s. she has good morals. they’re just messed up in her black hole of thoughts. enemies? *grabby hands*

alright, so stryder and LOVERS. i have a feeling she’s dabbled in the dating world. she’s had a few boyfriends, dates, etc. but most likely nothing LONG TERM. possibly because she doesn’t see the point unless it’s for marriage. just like her mom and dad (lol troll.) she has the independent woman facade going on right now. which makes her seem like she doesn’t want anyone. but deep down she’s a hopeless romantic. this girl would love to be loved. and she truly needs it. most of the time she makes herself the outcast. this girl is completely oblivious to anyone having a crush on her. assuming friendship automatically. she’s probably read tons of books about love and fluffy shit like that. so she has high expectations when it comes to relationships. so someone rlly needs to come here and treat this girl right.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

FRIENDS

best friend — someone who will always be there for her. the person she feels most comfortable with. // m, f, or nb

partner in crime — they may not be the most reliable person like her best friend. but definitely someone she can get turnt tf up with. // m, f, or nb

childhood friend(s) — her first friend(s)! the one(s) she’s known since birth. she will never switch up on the real ones. (or so u think...) // m, f, or nb

ENEMIES

rivals — someone who hates her and some she hates too. maybe they just don’t get along yo. it happens // m, f, or nb

old bully — maybe somebody who bullied her or someone she might have bullied? bc honestly, if she bullied someone it would’ve been a joke. // m, f, or nb

old flame that didn’t end well — this is someone she used to date. maybe they wanted it to go further than just a date. but she ended up cutting ties with them. now it’s just made awk. // m, f, or nb

LOVERS

hate/love — just ‘cause these are my favorites. just little bickering. maybe they’re too much alike or just not a like at all. // m, f, or nb

old flame that ended well — the classic, exes that ended on good terms. they don’t hate each other at all. are actually still on really good terms. and possibly still have lingering feelings.  // m, f, or nb

currently dating — going on dates and what not. having a good time. who knows where this could go.  // m, f, or nb

MISCELLANEOUS

☪ overall, this bitch is flippy floppy. she’s loyal. quiet, but has a lot of opinions. intelligent, but sometimes stand-off-ish. she’s a bit of a feminist. trusts no bitch. but if you’re her friend, she’s chill AF. but really — she just doesn’t know how to process her good thoughts into words. she’s a barista and florist. she’s independent, hardworking, and determined. my muse for her is michelle (spider man homecoming) & margo roth spiegelman (paper towns). she’s a bit sketch when it comes to making new friends. since she’s a bit of a loner. and she’s super family oriented. despite her being absolutely oblivious to the fact that her mom cheated on her “dad” with her bio dad. anyways, give her girl scout cookies and she’ll love you til the end of time. overall, she’s not as lame as she portrays herself to be and is actually a pretty rad chick.

wEW this got waaaaaay longer than i expected it to be. anywho, if you actually read all this i love you and i cherish you hella. if you just skimmed, i would too. i would really love to plot with everyone. so just slide into my dms and we can get things started!! but okay, so, now imma go touch up my other intros. hope u don’t hate me after this long ass essay lmao. luv u *blows a kiss*

[lunaehymn]

a wishlist of plots !!

ideas for just about  every character… i just rlly love chara development —— let me live.

noctis—

book interactions !!

secrets being shared

‘these are my friends, they’re lame but great.’

luna including loose pages of notes she wanted to write to him while the book was with him.

kid interactions

luna takING HIM TO THE FIELDS OF SYLLEBLOSSOMS.

her with him during his healing sessions.

teaching each other how to do dumb ( cool ) things?? flower crowns, simple knots, origami, card houses??

nyx—

this post :’)))

shopping shOPPING PLS LET HER BRING HIM SHOPPING.

‘i’ll be married soon, so i’d like to know something about masculine attire’

‘boots with a slight platform are not the same as heels.’

‘spin around, please— 360 view.’

this post too tbh ??? it’s somewhat part of my big au verse with luna surviving and all that good  j a z  z.

ravus—

boi h owdy

their mother’s passing. give me them grieving.

HONESTLY JUST ANYTHING

GIVE ME !!!! FLEURET INTERACTIONS !!!!

crowe—

I WILL MAKE A VERSE ON THIS BLOG WHERE CROWE PICKS HER UP OK. 

THE TWO GETTING DISGUISES

cute coffee dates for in between the chaos.

late night chats.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

‘have you ever been in love?’

‘no.’

‘why do you feel the need to lie to me?’

S AYING GOOD BYE GONNa HURT ME OKAYYYYYY

libertus—

ok but…. what if she let him take her to altissia.

new bodyguARD AND HE DOES GREAT O K

‘you’ll have to forgive me, princess. can’t say i’ve ever attended such a fancy meeting.’

‘you’re doing perfectly fine, for it being your first, sir ostium’

n y x  and  c r o w e  talk.

‘. .do you think it was quick?’

‘well. . he definitely didn’t go out without a fight.’

‘what was she like?’

‘indescribable. . and she deserved so much better.’

LIBERTUS !!!!!!!! MOURNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for crowe ( with luna’s support )

for nyx ( with luna’s support )

for luna ( by himself )

let my son be happy, ,,

prompto—

this video is all i have to offer. 

hey hey hey that au where luna LIVES happily married and GLAIVE PROMPTO TELLING HER STORIES OF THEIR ADVENTURES !!!!

luna knowing that prompto loves photography, and she asks him about his work.

prom showing up the next day with all his photo albums and telling her the context and story behind each photo.

AU WHERE LUNA JOINS THE BOYS AND PROM SHOWS HER HOW TO S H O O T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want lunafreya to fucking kiss prompto’s barcode, i fuckin stan luna accepting and loving prompto unconditionally.

remember when prompto catches noct on that nif-ship??? yeah??? get him to fly off and save luna too.

gladiolus—

teach her how to fight, oml

TEACH HER !! THE WAY OF CUP NOODLES !!!!!

:)))))))) angst

‘your father was a wonderful man.’

‘mhm.. he sure was.’

‘he spoke very highly of you and iris both.’

‘mm…’

‘the eve of the signing, he told me he was looking forward to spending more time with you two. that he was proud to see you’d gotten so far with him so busy.’

‘…’

‘he loved you both.’

‘yeah.’

ignis—

TEACH HER TO DRIVE HOLY HE CK.

‘here’s a list of the only things noctis will eat.’

them??? planning thE WEDDING TOGETHER PL S.

‘i believe this course featuring this wine will complement it all nicely.’

‘will noctis like it?’

‘when has noctis liked anything having to do with fruit?’

‘..cake.’

‘he claims they’re ‘two different things’.’

they share tricks for healing / fixing up their friends !!

iris— 

MMMMMM OK.

i have a rlly angsty idea that i won’t post here…. but if u want it…. i got it..

TEACH HER HOW TO SEW.

let her weave flowers into ur hair

TEACHIN EACH OTHER HOW TO KI C K ASS TOOO !!!!!!!!

cidney—  

teach her a few things about cars ( obviously ).

pls…. i beg of you… let luna put some damn clothes on her.

shopping !! dates !!!!

cute girls defending / saving each other from weirdos.

s p a  d a y

LUNA TAKING SHELTER AT HAMMERHEAD A LITTLE AFTER KINGSGLAIVE OK.

regis—  

AU IN WHICH EVERYONE LIVES AND SHE TELLS HIM SHE’S PREGNANT.

pls let her.. take him from insomnia.

let regis live 2kforever.

idk how b ut p l  ease.

GRANDDADDY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REGIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE I’M C RYIN GHHERE

cute interactions when she was younger.

‘does mother do well guiding you?’

‘she does. i don’t know where i would be without her. and you, young lady, will do just as well for noctis. i know it.’

s creams bc regis holding his grandchild for the first time pls.

cor—

him as her bodyguard post kingsglaive.

that’s all i got.

just think about it…… honestly….. its so good.

COR AT THE SIGNING TREATY PARTY, LUNA AND HIM TALKING AND THE TWO OF THEM BEING ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS IN THE SAME SPACE THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST.... ABSOLUTELY  B L I N D E D.

what beauty, what grace... he will absolutely beat your face if you so much as breathe a bad word in the oracle’s general direction.

ardyn—

interactions with him and her as a child.

him  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lowkey missing being able to help people out.

him?? escorting her places bc jokes on u bitch, she’s ur problem today.

‘must you really try on every dress in the store?’

‘must you comment on everything i try on?’

‘yes, bc ur style is shit.’

luna: -fifty shades of offended bc what is your scarf buddy-

aranea—

sharing secrets about her brother.

the two gossiping in general.

‘are there any cuties in ur fleet?’

‘nah.’

‘really??’

ARANEA TEACHING NIFLHEIM SOME MANNERS.

‘listen, i get she’s your prisoner and all— but i catch you layin’ a hand on the lady again, and i’ll have your head thrown into the bay.. ya’ hear?’

loqi—

congrats, welcome to the BABY SITTER’S CLUB, loqi. we have jackets.

like adryn, you get to escort her to places.

whether it be an orphanage, a park, town square— you get to follow her to make sure she doesn’t get kidnapped.

WHICH HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN YOU’D THINK.

lunafreya, an a1 manipulator for information: you’ll never catch noct off guard.

loqi, a determined, but foolish, man: -spills niflheim’s entire plan to prove that they can catch noct off guard-

luna being soft and healing him when he gets hurt while protecting her :3c

“its not your duty to fix me.”

“nor is it my duty to stay in tenebrae, while niflheim ruins what home i have left.”

“...then why do you?”

“because my duty is to my people, and to my king.”

drautos—

mmmmmmmmm god i hate dorito man.

honestly just??? i couldn’t tell you.

but this shady asshole.

luna just?? feeling on edge around him all the time.

she couldn’t tell you why, but there’s a familiar tension in the air whenever he’s around.

she can never put her finger on it, but tHIS ASSHOLE.

nyx dying, libertus not being able to help her — drautos succeeding in getting her and the ring back.

it’s rlly angsty i can tell you that now.

she has zero Z E R O  respect for him after

clarus—

in regards to the one plot for gladio———

clarus finding a moment to talk to luna.

regis ain’t that far away, don’t worry.

but he just… introduces himself, obviously, but.. just begins asking if she’s had contact with noctis?

and if he’s mentioned gladio??? at all?????

pls just let clarus do that dad thing where they talk about how PROUD they are of their children, like s h i t!!!!! i love !!!!! familial relationships !!!!! and i love hearing characters tALK ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS LIKE FU CK !!!!!

LET HIM TALK ABOUT IRIS TOO GOD !!!!! I LOVE HER TOO !!!!!!! 

GODDAMN I LOVE THIS FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

luche—

he’s a glaive  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

have her meet him at the party ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

her praising him for protecting lucis.

her thanking him for protecting lucis.

her hoping to hear more about / from him later on.

have the betrayal be really hard on her  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

gentiana—

really morbid, but deep conversations.

if gentiana knows when she’ll die.

if she knows HOW she’ll die…

…i swear i love her ok

just… astral talk??

we could make up but also build off of the lore we already know for this universe?? but also jump into other things not yet touched in canon…

idk i like these girls sm i need more interaction

where the FUCK is gentiana in kingsglaive

what the fuck

WHY the fuck

WHO the fuck was in charge of not putting gentiana in that damn film.

the short period of time outside of insomnia, after kingsglaive, where they meet up.

do they walk and talk for a bit??

does gentiana escort her to a city??

to HAMMERHEAD, maybe??

like i hope and pray she does.

who knows :’))

pryna—

ok sO I HC THAT LUNA HAS.... chronic pain just from the amount of scourge she’s harboring in her body. and she has mornings where it is v hard for her to leave bed, and pryna keeps her company.

THE PUPS AND LUNA HAVING A TELEPATHY SORTA DEAL, seeing as how luna could be.... considered..... divine herself. but yeah, love my!!! beautiful girls!!!!

angst: pryna and luna inner dialog while dying next to each other. bye.

umbra—

this can go for pryna too, but luna giving him a BATH in ( most likely ) her ginormous bathtub in tenebrae. bubbles. rubber duckies. BUBBLES.

umbra actually picking luna up items ( ones he finds neat ), and luna thinks they’re from noct every time... but they’re like... really odd... items...

a keychain of a chocobo.

a feather.

he has brought her an empty wallet before.

a small plastic shovel you use at the beach.

probably halves of other things too ( half a roll of tape ).

[hynohtz]

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MY ASS

Okay ffffffffine. I was tagged by a couple of Roomfriends to complete one and I feel nothing but incredibly loved right now. I don't usually do these things but - this has been a fun one to get to know my buddies with so WHY NOT?! Honestly, this is not hard bc .... well, I'm weird. Bwahahaah!! I'm also not shy, especially when it comes to difficult conversations of confrontation. Buckle your seat belts. I'll try not to make it hardcore but all things are what make us , us , right?? I have enjoyed getting to know the fandom and feel like sharing, if it's with the right intentions, can only ever do good. Right? We'll see... Yeesh 😬 1) I'm a proud Lefty. It's cool functioning on the right side of our brains, in creativity and problem solving. It's not cool however when you have to dine at a large table or try to cut ... well, anything with a pair of scissors. I had a permanent pencil/ pen stain on my side palm for my entire school life. lol I assure you I am not from the devil. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I'm not particularly kind to those who have changed their children from left to right for these reasons. You'd be surprised how many, and how many ppl are AMAZED that you're a lefty. I swear it's about the equivalent of telling them you were a virgin. The wide eyes and gaps .. lol 2) I was an opera major in my undergrad. I say that as if I went on to get more degrees but I didn't hahaahaha. ( wait I can't stop laughing ) ..... Yes. I hold a Bachelors of Music in Vocal performance from Peabody Conservatory of Music of Johns Hopkins University @tuxedos-are-not-suits yup. No, I don't do it now. Funny thing about opera... you kind of have to like the city or traveling and if ur in just the chorus, it doesn't pay the bills. Insurance is also with the Union ... hrumph. I sing where I can, weddings, funerals, stage, and hold the occasional theater podcast or YouTube lessons (bwahaha, Roomfriends.) 3) I can't dive. I never learned. I found out the hard way had an eighth grade pool party with all the cool kids in my new hot two piece bikini, that placing both hands on your head in the manner of a shark fin and squatting to only then fall in the water ... is not diving. Feet first. Always. 4) I got to be the "surprise" witness in court to a man who was a notorious date-raper around campus and was counter suing his own victim for defamation of character. You should've seen the asshole's face when I showed up that day. Proud to tell the whole court and judge that I would've been one of his victims if I hadn't gotten away from him and called the campus shuttle to pick me up. I said "your honor, there is no counter sue needed as I was happy to tell everyone male and female months before this poor victim that he was dangerous, possibly mental, and to stay away from him." God that was an awesome day. I didn't tell my parents till 5 years later , for fear that my father would hunt him down and kill him 😂 5) I can talk through my nose. I don't think it's amazing but apparently everyone and their mother at a party does... lol I can say the ABCs and sing with my mouth closed. It's my stupid human trick. People love that shit for some reason... 6) I once lived with 3 guys in an apartment just like Jess. They weren't as cute , ( nor was I ) and ruined my furniture and left dishes rotting in the sink, ....but I look back on that experience and smile for the couple of mos it was a reality. Guys will do anything to protect and support the chick they live with. It's almost like a brother/sister thing. Maybe that is where my love for 4D comes from? 7) one night "my boys" went out drinking and left me at home alone. A man got into our apartment and then into my bedroom. He fired a gun behind my head to scare me and tied me up. He didn't hurt me but said he would if I screamed again. He took all my family heirloom jewelry ... and my trust in strangers. He made me lay on the bed on my stomach and left me to ransack the apartment. I made the decision to go over to my bedroom door close it and lock it in hopes that maybe if he came back to get me ...he would give up. The plastic phone that was on my bed was easy to get off the hook and I dialed 911 with my tongue. I subconsciously continued to recite the Lord's Prayer , even though I was not "saved" at the time. By the time the police had gotten there in about six of the longest minutes of my life, he was gone. The sound of the police radio was like heaven's choir singing to me. They then untied me and I dropped to my knees crying and the woman policeman told me to my face "we expected to find you dead." It's not pretty, and it took while to get over... but it makes me, me. 8) my two front teeth are veneers. yes. fake. I was born with the "Madonna" gap my mama had as well and I hated it. Almost every day I would try to place my white gum behind my two front teeth so I can make it look like they were too large teeth that went together seamlessly. When I was 15 and my mom was 40 something, we both got veneers, together. I will not disclose how many times I have cracked or chipped them, and on what foods. Let's just say I have the "teeth falling out dreams" all the time, and I don't have a great time in black lighted bars and clubs 😬 9) I was in an abusive marriage before I was reunited with my wonderful hubby. I didn't listen to the warning signs or tell myself the truth and went ahead with it, even though the first time he laid hands on me was 3 mos before the wedding. I was in a loveless and disrespectful marriage for 1.5 yrs. At the third time ( too many) I grabbed the dog and got the hell outta dodge ( or GA ). I keep some of the photos in a box in my closet, so I can tell my daughter about what every woman deserves and that we should always be honest with ourselves. She will always know and understand the true reasons you marry someone. Life isn't perfect, but it's makes me, me. 10) I say "reunited with my hubby" because kids, the fact is, my husband dated my best friend in college. I always thought he was the cutest and funniest and most caring boyfriend that she had ever dated, and when she broke his heart I thought she was friggin nuts. But God has a bigger plan. Nikki's suite mate in college asked her the first day why she had a picture of "Molly" on her desk and she said that's my best friend and the suitemate replied my mom works for her moms preschool. We were friends together for a long time. Fast forward to 10 years later when Nikki has 3 kids, Steph has two and I'm divorced and crying myself to sleep in the bathtub because all of my guy friends are married or short and bald, ....and my future hubbys mom moves ACROSS THE STREET from said Suitemate. She called me. I sped over and ... history was made. He's just as adorable today as he was when we were 19, and I adore him every day. We have two beautiful children ( a boy 3 and a girl 7 ) who are my world, and I thank God every day that fate revealed itself to me. 11) I was/AM a fierce daddy's girl. My father passed away when I was eight and a half months pregnant with my son. He had been sick with stage 4 lung cancer for 6 mos and in and out of the ICU. I watched him die on 9/29 and it was the most difficult and most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. I was able to tell him everything I loved about him and that I will miss him every day of my life. It's been 3 years and I still cry almost once a day. My son is named after him and I will take great pride in teaching him about the man that never got to hold him. I occasionally see him in dreams... but let's be honest, it's never enough. Hug your daddies if u have them on earth still... for me, pls. If you see me preaching about the dangers of smoking, get mad. I don't care. No one else needs to die this way. Especially not those I love. F it. Shit. That's all? I could go on and on ... lol mmkay 11 random facts. Done. Please still be my friend, k? I hope instead of tagging everyone again, some followers will just do it... yasssss do it. You know u want to, and you know you can't be as fucked up as me, right?!? so just go for it!!! Hahaaha PS I love my Roomfriends Love and Life, Molls

[glove23]

REASONS I HATE SEVERUS SNAPE AND ALBUS DUMBLEDORE- A Rant

@nooowestayandgetcaught made me post this

Disclaimer 1: this is very long so only read it if you've got some time

Disclaimer 2: if you think the friendzone is a thing stop reading now because you won't like what's in this and I don't want your comments because they'll just piss me off.

-Severus "Friendzone" Snape

We begin at the youngest we know Severus Snape, he's around nine. 

He meets Lily Evans and immediately insults Petunia, her sister, while trying to befriend Lily. 

Snape then goes on to tell Lily all about the wizarding world and when she asks if her being muggleborn will effect how people see and treat her, he lies to her face by saying "no". (I hate the entire chapter The Prince's Tale it's awful what is it chapter 33? Avoid at all costs) 

He drops a large tree branch on Petunia's head when she insults his shirt (petunia is another post) and then again lies to Lilly's face about it. 

When Lily is clearly distressed about Petunia saying she hates her Snapes first reaction is "so what she's only a-" and cuts himself off before Lily hears what he thinks of her sister. 

Snape doesn't take Lily's concerns about the people he hangs out with seriously even though they both know the people he hangs out with despise muggleborns like Lily. "I thought we were friends, best friends?" You manipulative piece of shit. 

He tries to change the subject from the dark magic they did on Mary Macdonald to James Potter and the Marauders bc he just doesn't like them (they did bully him at this point but he gave as good as he got and didn't go to anyone about it but that didn't have a place in this conversation) 

Says he "won't let her" think of James Potter in a positive light for SAVING HIS LIFE and only backtracks when Lily gets angry. 

Stops listening to Lily once she says James is an arrogant toerag and doesn't hear her say that his friends are EVIL. 

Do I need to describe this one? "I don't need help from a filthy little mudblood!" 

Tries to apologize and all he can think of to say is "sorry" and "it just slipped out" and "I didn't mean it" Lily tears him a new one and I love her.

 -Now we're on adult Snape woo if none of that convinced you bc he's still a child get a load of this.

 Joins The Death Eaters knowing that they attack and Kill muggleborns like he Supposed Love of His Life Lily 

Continues to pine for Lily even though she's MARRIED with a CHILD (OH NO SHE FRIENDZONED ME SHE MADE ME THINK I HAD A CHANCE no asshat the friendzone doesn't exist just bc a woman is nice to you doesn't mean she has to date you newsflash some people are just genuinely KIND and that's how they treat everybody it doesn't mean the girl owes you sex or a relationship a girl owes you NOTHING for being nice to you that is her choice that she's nice to you and she is allowed to change her opinion at anytime and she does not OWE YOU ANYTHING FOR HER KINDNESS if anything you owe her to be kind back and not demand sex and a Relationship from her just bc she is kind to you)

 Overhears a prophecy that could be about Lily and her family (bc he only hears the born as the seventh month dies he will have power the dark lord knows not) he has to know Lily is pregnant and he can count and figure out when she's going to have the baby and tells Voldemort anyways. 

Begs Dumbledore to spare Lily's life to protect her and says nothing about her husband and son.

 ONLY SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT JAMES AND HARRY after Dumbledore calls him out for it and even then its grudgingly bc he knows Dumbledore won't listen unless he includes them as well. 

Once James and Lily are dead (my loves I miss them) he goes to their house, steps of James' body, ignores their bleeding and crying son, and hugs and cries over Lily'a lifeless body even though she said she never wanted to see him again and didn't care about her own life as long as her son is safe and he's sitting there ignoring her son to care about her life because he doesn't give two shits about what she actually thinks only that he lost the potential to steal her away from her family.

 Doesn't do anything for the infant who is bleeding and sobbing 

DOESNT DO ANYTHING FOR THE INFANT WHO IS BLEEDING AND SOBBING

 Goes to Dumbledore upset bc he "let Lily die" (I'll get back to that) and only after persuasion agrees to "protect" Harry 

Snape gets a job as Potions Master and is a GIANT DICK to a bunch of CHILDREN who are there bc they have to be and they want to learn. 

Harry comes to Hogwarts (side note: if Snape really wanted to protect Harry bc it's what Lily would have wanted wouldn't he have at least sneakily checked up on Harry while he lived with the Dursleys? No one knew where that was it's not like other death eaters would see him.....) and Snape calls him out with questions that you don't actually learn about until sixth year at Hogwarts and verbally abuses him.

 I'm not going to write ever instance of Snape being a dick to students bc JK Rowling already published that and I don't feel like writing out the complete Harry Potter series.

 Snape is Neville Longbottom's WORST FEAR in the ENTIRE WORLD and Neville was dropped out of a WINDOW as a child what does that say abt Snape it says he's a dick

 "Potters been crossing lines ever since he got to this school he should be expelled" I mean just bc you were completely incompetent and couldn't get rid of Quirrell doesn't mean you can shout at a 12 yr old that he should be expelled for finding a way to get to school when he couldn't get to the train. (Wait the crossing lines bit is in goblet of fire isn't it he says something along those lines during COS tho whatever)

 Calls Hermione, a 14 year old girl, an insufferable know-it-all bc she knows the answer to his question when NO ONE ELSE DID Like how much more of a jackass can you be

 AFTER DRACO CURSED HERMIONES TEETH SNAPE LOOKS AT HER WITH HER FRONT TEETH DOWN TO HER COLLAR AND SAYS "I see no difference" I swear to god I would've decked him right then and there consequences be damned.

 Just. Gives Umbridge Veriteserum to use on CHILDREN WHICH IS ILLEGAL (not doing anything abt umbridge using the blood quills is mostly dumbledores fault but it can also be put on the whole rest of the staff who should've noticed)

 Not saying anything to Harry when he says Voldy has Sirius in the DOM and checking himself and then still not telling Harry so they go to the DOM and Sirius dies Snape is Responsible for Sirius' death (also Dumbledore but later)

 Just like. The entire sixth book.

 Book Seven he's headmaster of hogwarts and just fucking. Lets children be tortured. What a Good Guy am I right. I don't give a SHIT abt his cover as a "spy" he could've done something abt the kids under his care being tortured without giving himself away.

 Asks Harry to look at him when he dies so he can look into Harry's green eyes and pretend they're Lily's bc he is obsessed with her.

 Honestly I'm disgusted by this man. He was obsessed with who he thought Lily was and didn't care what she actually thought or felt. That isn't love. You can't tell me that Severus Snape was in love with Lily Potter because it simply isn't true.

 He was obsessed with the image of her that he had painted in his mind. He didn't love Lily Potter, he loved the IDEA of a girl sort of like Lily who he could control and who wouldn't care that he hates everything she stands for. Snape had this glorified image of Lily in his mind that no matter what he did, who he killed, hurt, or tortured, still loved him despite him being a dirty piece of shitty bigoted garbage.

I hate Severus Snape because he's the actual worst.

-Albus Pathetic Wanker Bullshitty Dumbledore

I would like to preface this part by saying Albus Dumbledore is a glorified piece of shit.

 ANYWAYS

 I'm going to just start at Harry's life because I'm too lazy to do Dumbledick's entire 150 years of life. 

If you want me to do it the rest of it message me and I'll do it later but rn you get the affects of his actions on an innocent child! Wooo!! 

So. Dumbledore had to have known Peter Pettigrew was the spy bc he also had his Spy (who will from now on be referred to as Friendzone) in the death eaters INNER CIRCLE so he would've known a majority of the people who are death eaters so he would've known who the spy is in the order and subsequently would tell Dumbledore. So. The only way he wouldn't have is if Dumbledore didn't even ask.

 Once the Potters are dead he???

 Okay wait. So that whole day before Dumbledore showed up at Privet Drive, McGonagall was watching the Dursleys. Was that November First? Did Dumbledore not drop Harry off until the end of the day November first? It had to have been bc Vernon Dursley saw the wizards talking abt voldies downfall. So??? Where was Harry that entire day???? Why couldn't Dumbledore have brought him??? Why did hagrid have to use Sirius' motorbike that he had gotten??? The night before??? Why couldn't Dumbledore have floo'd somewhere close? Or portkeyed? Why? The next day? This is a hole in information I would like filled.

 OKAY ANYWAY So the Potters are dead and Dumbledore decides "hey! You know what's a great idea!! I'm going to bring the one year old child to live with people who I know very well hate magic and who numerous people have told me are unfit to take care of this child but hey! Sounds like a blast! Let's do it!" Like what? What kind of person are you? I thought you learned that the Greater Good nonsense was exactly that. Nonsense.

 Keeps this child in aforementioned Abusive Home for TEN YEARS without checking up on him, without so much as a visit to see if he's still alive. Nope. Just ten years later "oh look a letter for me"

 Forcing Harry to return to the dursleys year after year STILL NOT CHECKING UP ON HIM HARRY RUNS AWAY IN THIRD YEAR AND DOES DUMBLEDORE CARE? NOPE.

 For a child he supposedly cares so much about he certainly does little to ensure he's okay.

 HARRYS FIRST YEAR- Dumbledore thought it was a great idea to bring the one thing at the time that can bring Voldemort back to life into hogwarts the year Harry gets there. Yeah. Suspicious? Wait. There's more.

 Dumbledore gives Harry the invisibility cloak for Christmas which allowed him to break the rules all the time. (It's literally Harry's property like James would probably have given it to Harry before he left for hogwarts. Why did Dumbledore keep it for so long? Why not put it in the Potter vault where Harry can get it when he comes of ages and has access to it? Why give it to him then?)

 Dumbledore puts the mirror of erised in a random classroom that the only other thing in it is some desks so it's not like that room is being used for storage. Where Harry conveniently finds it! While using his invisibility cloak to sneak out after curfew! For trying to protect someone he sure does give him a lot of opportunity to get into dangerous situations.

 The trials before the stone! Yeah! These will totally stop a wizard who is possessed by the dark lord! They're so hard three first year students can get through! What do you mean that doesn't mean they're difficult?

 I believe with all of my heart when he was asking people to put protections in front of the stone they all gave him REALLY DIFFICULT THINGS like that no one could get through without previous knowledge of how or being the one who created it (meaning they would all have to go down and disable their own trap before retrieving the stone which is the SMART COURSE OF ACTION) and Dumbledore was just like. Naaah. I think yours should be a plant that every first year class learns about. Yours should be some keys that fly around like a bunch of snitches with some brooms (fool proof amiright) yours should be a giant chess set bc NO ONE IN THE WIZARDING WORLD PLAYS CHESS ANYMORE. You can do whatever u want oh a troll? Cool cool. You should do some potions with a riddle telling you what's what that's a good idea yes yes and I'll do a mirror this is FOOL PROOF.

 I hate this man.

 He lets himself be manipulated into leaving the school so the trio can go try to DIE AGAINST VOLDEMORT yeah great idea

 Second year (I'm not doing every year this is getting long ) he KNEW it was Voldemort opening the chamber of secrets the easiest way for him to be doing that is through possession why didn't he search students belongings for the object that could be possessing them or the students for signs nope let's just let myself get kicked out of the school.

 Fourth year bc of him NOT WANTING TO CHEAT IN A GAME EVERYONE CHEATS AT Harry almost dies numerous times.

 Harry comes out of the maze clutching Cedric's body and Dumbledore tells Harry to stay near him when??? Harry very obviously was just TORTURED? He's beaten and bloody and can barely stand on his own and you expect him to be able to stay where you tell him to when there are a million people around who can take him away? Which happens? Barty Crouch takes him? 

And Dumbledore doesn't arrive on the scene UNTIL CROUCH IS DONE MONOLOGUING AND IS ABT TO KILL HARRY LIKE WTF 

"I suspected something like this would happen" IF YOU SUSPECTED IT WHY DIDNT YOU DO ANYTHING ABIUT IT UUUGGHHHHH

 Makes Harry's only source of familial comfort leave to go find some people when Dumbledore very well could have owled them himself? Sirius didn't have to leave lbr he could've been there a little while longer while Harry recovered.

 FIFTH YEAR. WHAT A SHIT SHOW.

 Dumbledore doesn't find a dada prof in time so the ministry sends umbitch and she tortures children and Dumbledore??? Never notices??? Umm? That sounds fake but okay. How does he not notice??

 DUMBLEDORE TELLS HARRY REPEATEDLY HES NOT READY TO HEAR THE PROPHECY BUT YEAH RIGHT AFTER YOUR ONLY PARENTAL FIGURE DIES THAT IS THE PERFECT TIME TO TELL HIM THAT HES THE REASON VOLDEMORT WENT AFTER AND KILLED HIS PARENTS GOOD JOB DUMBLEDOUCHE 

The entirety of the sixth book again.

 Dumbledore is grooming Harry to sacrifice himself and making Harry think of him as a grandfather-type figure, when he knows he going to die by the end of the year. You're a great person. I love ripping people's parental figures away from them REPEATEDLY ITS JUST GREAT FUN.

 The seventh book is just. All of the shit Dumbledore beat into Harry's head making him not trust anyone "Dumbledore gave me this job and I can't tell anybody about it sorry I can't ask for help Dumbledore said I can't and you know Dumbledore rules over my life even after he's dead bc that's a Good Thing I know I'm doing what Dumbledore wanted I'm gonna go fuckin DIE bc Dumbledore said that it is the ONLY WAY ITS THE ONLY WAY GOTTA DIE"

 The thing is. Dumbledore conditioned Harry so that he took his word as gospel and didn't even question it. And he conditioned him to think that he is not as important as everyone else, that his life doesn't matter as much as the lives of everyone else. Like??? Can you fucking not??? Every life is just as important as the next??? There are no NECESSARY SACRIFICES no one needs to be sacrificed. A lot of people died in the battle of hogwarts that didn't need to die who's deaths could've been avoided. People who died throughout the series who didn't need to die. A lot of the deaths in this series can be attributed to Dumbledore's careless attitude towards the lives of others.

 He threw children into a war when he should've let them be children. There were plenty of adults who could've done the job Harry Ron and Hermione did. Dumbledore himself could've spent the time he was conditioning Harry to be a sacrificial lamb LOOKING FOR HORCRUXES he knew existed at the latest by the time the end of the second book rolls around. Get With It Dumbledore.

I hate Albus Dumbledore because he's actual garbage.

The End

[kyliexc]

hey everyone ! i’m mini and i’ve had my eye on this rp for awhile, so im v happy to be here. let me introduce to you my bb kylie ! this is a big long so i sectioned off the parts explaining what’s what. you don’t have to read it all ! <3

❛ chicago’s very own kylie castillo has been spotted in new york city in a bentley continental gt, welcome ! your resemblance to becky g is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty first birthday bash. your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re hot-tempered, but being brave might help you. i guess being an aries explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be hot cheetos with lime, clean makeup brushes, and soccer on the street. & ( cisfemale & she/her ) + ( mini, 22, she/her, est. )

*also, bc i always have to say this when playing becky g. im latina. :)

also pls like this and i will come to you for plotting bc i know ppl can be shy. (like me)

Basic Information

Full Name: kylie valentina castillo

Nickname(s): bean, ky, kyky, kc, k.

Age: 21

Date of Birth: April 15th 1998

Zodiac sign: aries

Hogwarts house: slythindor (slytherin + gryffindor)

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: american

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic-catholic

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

Accent: american with a hint of spanish

Favourites

Weather: fall

Colour: yellow or pink

Music: sebastian yatra, reik, travis scott, 

Movies: halloween or selena

Sport: soccer, basketball, hockey, volleyball

Beverage: tequila

Food: chicken or carne asada tacos

Animal: lions + dogs

Family

Father: alejandro castillo, soccer player (jersey #7)

Mother: lupe castillo (molina), seamstress

Sibling(s): jaime castillo + luna castillo

Pet(s): sushi and lola (dogs)

BIOGRAPHY

parents history

kylie’s dad is a notable soccer player in latin america, he has played throughout a couple world cups and has been on notable teams, even in europe (Manchester United? Barcelona FC? get back to me on this ahahah) He wore the number 7, believing it always brought luck to him and his family. kylie’s mom was just a normal girl who worked in a dress shop, sewing together sweet 15/16 dresses, which she really enjoyed and was good at. her mom’s family had a business and all the women in the family ran that little shop bc they made sure things ran smoothly. kylie’s parents met unexpectedly in a bar when her dad didn’t want to be noticed and her mom was out on the town with her friends. this turned into a fan marrying her idol sort of thing. it was super cute. 

kylie’s dad got chosen to be a part of the US soccer team, this was after he was dating her mom for about a year. before he could leave he didn’t even realize that lupe (ky’s mom) was pregnant with her older sibling jaime. that led to a quick marriage BUT lupe didn’t want to leave mexico just yet SOOO while her dad went off to the states, her mom stayed in mexico working on her business and it worked out really well for the two. 

two years later, after 2 years of a long distant relationship and the family dress business blowing up in Mexico, turning into a whole fashion empire, lupe finally decided to pack up and go to the U.S.A

along came kylie

kylie was the first born in the U.S.A, so she is american but she frequently travelled to Mexico during her childhood, therefore she understands both english and spanish. she is 100% proud of her ethnicity no matter how much hate she got for it growing up. 

kylie was always closest to her dad, he taught her how to have thick skin and go for your dreams. every night they would play soccer on the streets and he pushed her to be better. Kylie was on several soccer teams growing up, and has a lot of photos, awards, and memories to prove it. all her siblings were in some kind of sport. kylie’s was soccer while her siblings would be volleyball or basketball. they were known on the block as the golden 3 for being involved in sports. 

it didn’t mean she was a tomboy, oh no. while her dad taught her sports, her mom taught her how to be presentable. she would always say ‘let them judge you by what you wear so you can prove them wrong with who you are.’ those are words she lives by everyday when it comes to her appearance. 

her parents really taught her the value of working for what you want, even when kylie did grow up comfortable. her mom’s business was growing so much it was known in chicago and some other parts in the U.S. her dad was known for being one of the best soccer players coming out of latin america (up there with ronaldinho), but they both got to where they were through blood sweat and tears.

on her down time she got really into makeup and fashion, she did it a lot for prom season, posting it up on insta that some celebs hit her up to do their makeup and of course she couldn’t say no to that. kylie makes her own makeup out of natural ingredients that she uses with her clients, it’s something she doesn’t sell exclusively, it’s her best kept secret. 

she’s really popular within the latin american music scene and has done some collabs with english speaking people. those are just passion projects for her. it’s like, she’s known for different things, so she does them, but she’s not sure what she wants specifically.

since she’s tiny, people tend to make fun of her height A LOT, which she doesn’t mind, it pretty funny to her. it’s just something that’s been with her foreverrrrrr.

kylie still plays soccer in a league on her free time. it’s something that keeps her mentally grounded.

life isn’t so perfect * TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety, depression *

so being mexican in the U.S.A is never easy, and it definitely wasn’t for kylie that didn’t speak english until she entered school. she was constantly bullied and pushed around because of her ethnicity, because she was tan, unlike the other girls. 

of course she made other friends of color and non-color that accepted her but when you grow up seeing that there are people that hate you for what you’re born into, it damages a person.

for a long time she didn’t accept her body image, trying to lighten her skin or make herself look more accepting, it caused her to spiral into depression, she had a lot of fights with her family about this.

kylie developed anxiety where she overthinks and gets panic attacks, but thats why she still plays soccer competitively. 

kylie’s personality

kylie is literally F I E R C E. she’s got two types of personalities, one where she’s a home body and loves her family, will beat you in a quick game of soccer. she’s that bubbly girl with the laughter, sarcastic remarks followed by a smirk at the end of it

BUT

she is also that girl that when it’s time to work, she is scary. she knows what she wants, she know how she wants it and she will get flustered when it’s not like that. she’s got a whole ‘that BIIITCH’ personality, like when she’s on the red carpet, she just has it going for her kind of thing. 

but she’s a goof, and that’s something everyone will notice. she loves to make people laugh and smile. if you’re an asshole, those are her favorite types where she’s just drawn to those people. 

connections?

old school friends

old school enemies

makeup clientele 

squad?

ride or die

drunk friends

sibling like friends

exes ( good + bad + messy + angsty )

crushes ? 

former lovers to friends

um, anything? let’s brainstorm ! :)

[cooperroose]

♥: a valentine’s day headcanon: being a catcher means coop’s gotta be down there earlier than everyone else for spring training, so he’s in full phillies mode. during the season he’s so focused on baseball that it’s hard for him to pull together a romantic plan for the two of them. he pulled it off last year, but it was the first time in a long time they got to do something together. and it was also the last time before their break up they truly felt like themselves, at least in ginnys mind. she’s taking their relationship more seriously now, they’re engaged after all, and she’s not going to expect him to worry about putting something together. he probably apologizes a million times and thanks her for being so understanding, and he says he’ll have a break a few days after the holiday so he’ll try and make it up to her then. gin’s gonna surprise him instead though, fly down to see him practicing and doing his thing, then take him back to the hotel and just cook something for him, because she knows he’d want that over a night out. sappy sappy. ♣: an april fool’s day headcanon: they don’t pull huge pranks on each other, it’s always little fun things that aren’t too big of a deal. ginny probably tries so hard to come up with stuff to try and get him with, but he always knows and she haaates it. it’s because she’s a bad liar and she gets too giggly and even if she’s trying so hard to hide it anyone else would fall for it, he knows that smile and can tell something’s coming. it takes a couple years, but after awhile he’s gonna let her think she pulled one over on him just because she’s adorable when she thinks she has. ✞: an easter headcanon: they’re very cute for easter, church clothes and pastels and family family family. they’ll treat easter just like the other big holidays and trade off, one in iowa, one in tennesse until they have the kids and want to start traditions of their own. once they do have the opportunity for that, i think they’ll stay in their home in philly. they still go to back home with the twins for thanksgiving and christmas, but they decided to make this holiday all their own. ava loooves easter, she like the easter bunny even more than she likes santa (because bunnies are cute), and all the pretty colors that come with it. kepler likes hunting down the eggs and finding more than ava does, especially if they’re ones with money. (it’s like a dollar in each one, and there’s not even that many of those, but for kids it’s exciting.) once noah’s old enough to join in on the fun too, he’s all about the candy. it probably takes him weeks to get through his stash, because he can’t stand to part with his chocolate bunnies yet. a bite a day, that’s it. ✿: a mother’s/father’s day headcanon: ginny’s first mothers day after caroline passes is extra brutal. it’s probably been a good amount of time, but not long enough for her not to be crushed. caroline hung on for christmas, even when the doctors didn’t think she would, but didn’t make it to the new year. by the time may comes along, she’s had time to grieve and get back to normal, and then it hits her again like a ton of bricks. she’s probably pregnant too, which makes matters that much worse. she’ll tear up in the bedroom with coop, holding his hand, and tell him that caroline knew she’d have another boy, she could feel it. and now that’s she’s pregnant again and they just found out the sex, she hates that she can’t call her up and tell her she was right. the kids will pick up on it, they’re ready to run in the room and surprise her with gifts, but when they do they see gin wiping her eyes and trying to clear her throat. She’ll tell them how much she loves them, and that she’s just missing her mom today, and she wishes she could run in her room and hug her too. They decide to have Caroline’s favorites that day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Big meals, lots of sides, just the way she would’ve liked it to be. ★: a fourth of july headcanon: one year they make a MISTAKE and decide they should have a big blowout at their house in iowa. gin flies her friends in, steven and britt and their kids, andrea, freddie, and theirs and it’s nuuuuts. there’s a lot of kids running around. from britt’s oldest to baby noah and it’s insanity. dylan and ian come too, of course. and addison knows what’s good for her so she avoids it. dylans gonna be out in the backyard, showing all the kids the fireworks he scored, and that’s when the regret sets in. before this the twins were happy just playing with their sparklers, but now he’s got them interested in all this other shit and gin is NERVOUS. britt and andrea are calm, as usual, because their kids are older and they used to get into bottle rockets and stuff like that when they were young too. there are a lot of adults around. the kids will be fine. they say this before dylan hands all the little ones those little popper ones you can throw at the ground, and all the little boys do it at their feet and have them hopping around. coops grilling hot dogs and hamburgers, he’s got some ribs going on there too it’s a good time. until elijah, who’s like eleven, makes the mistake of going to check out why the firework he set didn’t go off. he does that stupid thing they tell you not to do and tries to pick one up, and that’s when it decides to go off. it’s a small one, so it didn’t blow his hand off or anything. but it was big enough to burn the shit out of it and land them all in the local hospital for the rest of the holiday. ☠: a halloween headcanon: kepler gets himself into trouuuuble one year. you know how teenagers like to get into shit during halloween and the day before, kepler plays himself. he’s probably like 13, so noah is still young enough to be into trick or treating, he’s nine or so, and ready to run around as chef boyardee. but the twins want to go out with their friends cause all the other kids get to, they’re not into trick or treating anymore~ coop and gin are fine with that, it was only a matter of time. so gin goes out with noah, and coop takes the twins to their friends houses. ava just wants to have a slumber party with hers, watch scary movies in someones basement and stay up late. she’s being good. but kepler’s started to hanging out with some rowdy boys, that don’t do enough to get into trouble usually, but gin is still keeping a watchful eye. they put their feet on the furniture when theyre over and they try to call coop by his first name, so they’re not fans. kepler insists he wants to ride his bike, and there’s nothing to worry about, he’s just going down the street and that’s all. dad doesn’t have to drive. coop lets him, and regrets it later. because of course teenage boys want to ride around and egg peoples houses. kepler tries to tell them they should use pumpkin guts instead, to keep with the halloween theme, bc he’s ginny’s son. and they’re like...so here’s the eggs. they get caught bc kids are dumb, probably at like the first house too. they’re loud and laughing and PEOPLE ARE TRICK OR TREATING, so them trying to ride off and pick a house with ‘jerks who dont give out free candy’ is a bad idea when someone can walk by at any minute. the cops get called, and ten minutes later there’s one knocking on coops door with kepler in front of him. needless to say it wasn’t a good holiday season for kepler that year. ✈: a thanksgiving headcanon: ginny’s really pumped because she wants to host thanksgiving this year, her first year. in her home with her husband, and their adorable pair of toddlers, and she’s just ready for life. they’re supposed to go to the riley’s this year, so ginny makes sure to talk to mama riley about wanting to host and making sure that’s okay with her, and of course she’s happy to let gin take the reigns, as long as they’re invited of course. ginny’s like !!!! on the top of the world. but everything starts to go wrong the closer it gets to the date. caroline’s feeling really sick lately, so her and wiley decide it’s best if they just stay in tn and don’t try to make the trip out. ginny’s sad, but she understands. coop’s dad is stuck having to work. so she’s like, o...kay, 1 out of 4 parents, that’s okay. she’s taking it in stride it’s fine. kepler chose now to take one of her pans and a pot to try and mold play doh in or some destructive kid shit and she’s like ???? seriously SERIOUSLY. it’s okay. we can buy more pans, coopey bear go get more pans. so he does. peyton will call and tell coop she’s decided to have a holiday in paree~ with her fuckass bf named francois or something annoying and coop wants to kick his ass in general so he definitely wants to now. and it wouldn’t have been so much of a loss, if it wasn’t the year addison trevor and zach were going to celebrate at trev’s family’s house. gins like highkey losing her mind, everyone’s cancelling it’s because it’s her dinner this would never happen to his mom and she’s just not having life. and coop’s like that’s kinda true, but duh he keeps that to himself. gin’s gonna cry if her first thanksgiving is just mama riley goop the twins and bb mel so he’s like gotta call in some back up guests lmao trash. he doesnt call down to tn bc they have their own fam shit, so he’ll call johnny and his girl he’s been dating for like 9 years and still isnt married to. lexi?? i think maybe i didn’t name her but that’s whats on my list so. and asks them what they’re doing for thanksgiving, they were just gonna eat chinese food like they usually do but he’s like yeah no come to iowa. gin and lexi are probs good friends by now, watching their boys play and going to all the wife stuff together. then he calls greggemiah and gregg answers singing kokomo bc theyre set to go on a cruise~ and coops like yeah thats not for a couple days after thanksgiving right. and they’re like yes but we’re packing and we have to do this and this and he’ll cut them off and be like you’re coming to iowa, they’re like ...ew, but ok. coops his charming convincing self and gregg still has his little crush so he can’t say no. jeremiah is like, i’d kill you if he wasn’t so dreamy. i’d say yes too. super long story short, coop gets ian and his preg wife to come too. and they have a cute half family/half friends holiday and ginny is satisfied and proud of herself for pulling it off. but she also dropped a pie during the day BUT THEY SURVIVED. ❅: a christmas headcanon: i’ll say this is christmas after that hell of a thanksgiving, caroline still isn’t doing so hot and even though it was supposed to be their turn for christmas wiley tells ginny her, coop, and the kids should stay up in iowa again. caroline’s not ready for people to see her, she’s probably losing her hair and stuff it’s not a good time for her. gin’s like :( give her my love all that cute stuff. she wants to be there, but she knows if she were in that position she wouldn’t want a lot of people seeing her either. they still send gifts down and wiley tells her to bring the kids down next month and they’ll have their own little holiday. mama riley is ECSTATIC cause she was lowkey sad about not getting to host her thanksgiving, but gin let her help a lot so she was content. she’s also happy to have all the kids in their matching jammies. peytons bitchass thought she was gonna have some dumbass french holiday for christmas too but that got shut down real quick, all her kids are gonna be there. trevor and gin included. francois is on the family shit list, papa riley and coop glare at him the whole time he’s there. and he says weird french shit and kisses all the girls on their cheeks and they’re too ALL AMERICAN JOHN MELLENCAMP for this shit. bby mel shows up with her “best friend” and “roommate” natalie, because mama riley was so cool with greggemiah she thought this would be a good time for the fam to meet her “best friend” and “roommate” natalie. guess what. it’s not. parents are oblivious so they won’t think anything of it, but it’ll be like christmas eve festivities when they’re all like omg and they’ll have a sibling meeting. they’ll all be on their annoying caroling escapade when the four of them will go off, and they’ll drag trevor and gin with them. addison will be like, francois can’t be apart of this, you’re not married. and coop will be like, plus we hate that guy. peytons like ugh, but she’ll be like. at least i’m not the one with the worst significant other anymore. mel’s gonna give dad a heart attack. gins like omg, trevs like omg, coops like dont listen to her dad isn’t gonna have a heart attack. addison will go, yeah i think it’ll be mom. and mel has like horror in her eyes lmao. addison will be like, it’s a joke i’m kidding. they’ll be fine, it’s not like it’s a shock. trev and gin are shoked, peytons shocked, mostly its just coop and addison that aren’t. coop’s like i found out like seven years ago so, i just didnt say anything. addisons like and it wasn’t like you were hiding it well mel. mel is dying inside, she was like abort mission the second she invited her gal pal but she was in too deep by that time. she’s like. i messed up, this was a mistake, they’re gonna hate me omg, i’m surprised YOU GUYS DONT HATE ME. like she flips out. and addison and coop try to chill her out but shes like YOU GUYS CANT TALK WITH YOUR STUPID COOKIE CUTTER SPOUSES and gin and trev are both like aw but also hey! mel will say something about how dad doesnt even like francois bc hes FRENCH. and coops like, at least nat’s from here. isn’t she from north dakota. and addison will be like, i didnt even think they let you be gay in north dakota. and coops like, that’s probably why she moved to chicago. and mels like OH MY GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUPPP. fix it, do something. distract them, ginny tell them you’re pregnant again. PEY TELL THEM YOU’RE ENGAGED. someone do something i’m gonna die. it’s probably snowing, they left the two significant others least in the fam with their parents and the kids singing at some strangers house. classic family hijinks. i talked too much about this ☄:  a new years eve/day headcanon: by the time goop has all three kids, they’re lucky if they can make it to midnight on new years eve, honestly. when they’re babies theres not a chance, goop passes out at ten and the kids wake them up 3 hours later. that’s when they get to celebrate. but when the twins are like 7 and noahs 3 they’ve got this. they all get together on the couch and they’ll watch movies and play board games, and ring in the new year the way they intend to spend the rest of it. they’ve got old dog cubby with them, curled in a ball on his bed, noahs playing with some blocks and stuff, like the big block legos, and the twins and gin and coop are playing their game together. gin has noah right next to her, and he goes mommy looook, every so often. but that’s not gonna help anyone beat her in clue. kepler claims mommy cheats because she always wins so they want to play TROUBLE and SORRY so they can get her back. they’re so excited to stay up late, but they’re still too little to make it to see the ball drop. no matter how many sugary foods gin and coop let them have this ooone time. so they’ll knock out on the couch, and noah’s probs in gins lap by now, knocked out too. coop and gin will get emotional and sappy about how perfect their life is, and how it’s just like they always dreamed. if they could go back in time they wouldn’t change a thing. theyre both sitting on the floor with like their backs against the couch, gin has her head resting on coops shoulder “resting her eyes” because shes a little sleepy herself. she’ll doze off because its gin and shes even worse about falling asleep once shes running around as a full time mom. coop will stay up, smiling at his perfect family, and pet cubbys head. the ONLY ONE to be up with him. gin will be out for like 25 minutes or so, not too long, and he’ll nudge her awake so they can wake up the kids because the balls gonna drop and they want them to get to see it. they have the little party horns you blow into, and noisemakers, and theyre def all wearing those cheesy fake plastic top hats and glasses with the year number on it. and once it strikes twelve the kids are gonna be jumping up and down throwing streamers in the air celebrating as if they werent knocked out five minutes before. then it’s real bed time, gin will carry up noah and coop will carry up the twins and they’ll all be sleepy again the second theyre down in the bed. cutie babies.