#let's go lesbians. take some ibuprofen with me

[binch-i-might-be]

aight I got some shit from the drug store and now I'm going home <33

[beesspacedotorg]

The Sky is Blue, the Grass is Green

Summary: You love your girlfriend more than anything else in the world. It's not hard, she's perfect for you. You'd give her everything she could ever want and more still.

Warning: SEX LESBIAN SEX WITH GIRLS AND LESBIANS. I will say that reader has a vagina as does lino. hits is because I wrote this while half asleep after not sleeping for 16 hours with a sore throat and forgot to write gender neutral reader. outside of the fact that the reader has one of those body type is not specified because :|. uh. spanking (sorry, I'm me) and mommy kink (me) and girls being in love with each other

notes: happy pride month. I've been listening to a lot of music by sapphics recently and it made me gay. Also I saw some loser say that Chappell Roan is the first queer person to publicly yearn for women and that is phenomenally untrue. Internet person who I've never met, this was written to spite you. Sorry for not making this more inclusive to women of all body types or to all lesbians regardless of gender. mayhaps I will write something for you soon. EXTRA NOTE: Moon Chaeyoung is not a kpop idol (to my knowledge) she is Cindy Moon aka Silk aka a Spider-Man. Chaeyoung is her Korean name. sorry for the slander, Cindy, I love you more than anything but I needed a name.

You’re going to make her your wife one day. You know this with the certainty that you know everything else. The sky is blue, the grass is green, you are going to marry Lee Minho. You’re staring at her, watching her make breakfast (that isn’t actually breakfast because you’re eating it at 2pm) in an old school shirt of yours and you can feel your love for her swell through your heart to be pumped through the rest of your body. You think that loving her is the most effective drug on the planet, that people wouldn’t need anything stronger than an ibuprofen because just spending a minute alone with her is enough to give you a high unlike any other. She turns around to plate the food and catches you staring, she always does, and it makes her ears blush crimson.

“Yah,” she says it softly, “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Why would I need a picture when I have the real thing right in front of me?” Her ears turn a new, deeper shade of red and she avoids your gaze.

“You’re a charmer, you know that?”

“I have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of me and you want me to be normal about it?” You roll your eyes playfully, and reach for your cup to take a sip of your juice.

“No, you don’t,” she says, suddenly.

“‘No, I don’t’ what?”

“You don’t have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of you,” she hands you your plate - with no eggs because you can’t stand them, and no pork because it makes you sick, and french toast the way your dad used to make on lazy Sunday mornings - made with love and care just like everything else she does.

“You don’t have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of you,” she repeats, sitting down next to you with her breakfast that’s completely different from yours, “I do.”

-

“Minnie Mouse?” You just came from work, calling through the house to see if she’s home, too. You can tell from the aggravated sigh that comes from the living room that she is, indeed, home.

“You could literally call me anything else,” she’s wrestling Dori on her lap, the tabby always staunchly opposed to having his nails clipped.

“Where’s the fun in that?” You sit down beside her and take the clippers, letting her soothe and calm Dori while you make yourself his least favorite for the night. You’ll live. He’ll come begging for attention when Minho’s too busy being great at everything to give it to him.

“The fun is not having your girlfriend break your toes in your sleep.” You laugh at her and bring her Doongie, holding him instead because he doesn’t care about the whole process even a little bit and you want to pet his soft head.

“Did you know there’s nothing they can do for broken toes?”

“Really? Doongie, please stop wiggling so much.”

“Yeah, they kind of just say ‘good luck’ and kick you out before charging you one million dollars for breathing hospital air.”

“American healthcare really is something. How’d you learn that by the way?”

“My friend had an experience once. Also, it was mentioned in a video game.” She laughs, kissing Doongie’s forehead, then yours.

“Did you learn anything else in that video game?”

“I have incredibly poor hand-eye coordination.”

“I could’ve told you that.”

“What- what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Will you get a towel to wrap Soongie in, please?”

“Hey, wait. Hey! You can’t just say weird things and walk away!”

(“Can you really tell that I have poor hand-eye coordination?” You ask her this while she’s splayed out under you, two of your fingers knuckle deep in her sweet cunt while a thumb circles her clit.

“What?” She’s out of breath and her chest is heaving in a way that makes her tits look even hotter than normal. You almost lose your train of thought.

“Earlier. You said you can tell that I have poor hand-eye coordination.”

“Jesus- you stopped fucking me to ask me that?” One of her hands that was cradling your wrist goes up to her eyes to rub at them. “You’re something else.”

“Well! I just remembered it! Maybe I’m not doing a good job-”

“Stupid girl,” she’s got you on your back now, seemingly not caring about the orgasm she was approaching before you got distracted. “When have I ever not told you when I didn’t like something?”

“Uh. Never?”

“Exactly, so why do you think I’d start now? With this?” She gestures between the two of you and you look, stupidly, like you will see something other than your naked, sweaty body and her equally naked, equally sweaty, incredibly sexy body.

“That’s… that’s a great question.”

“I was just teasing, jagi. That’s all.” She kisses the side of your mouth and you can feel the way her lashes flutter along your cheek in a perfect butterfly kiss. Everything about her makes you fall deeper in love the longer you know her, even her stupidly long and perfect eyelashes.

“So, about my hand-eye coordination.” She drops her head to your shoulder with another curse and your hand comes up to play with her hair.

“It’s still bad, believe me. I don’t notice it when we have sex, though. You’re perfectly good with your hands, jagi.”

“The best?” She smiles, kisses you on the mouth this time.

“The best.”)

-

She’s got you in between her legs in the tub, her strong thighs thrown over yours so you can’t move while she aims the jet of the shower head directly on your clit. It’s almost too much, it always is, an unyielding wall of pressure that sends shocks of pleasure through your body in a way that makes you squirmy beyond belief. The first time you did this to yourself, you ended up with bruises on your back, the first time you did this with her, you almost elbowed her in the face. As it stands, she’s got her arms wrapped around you as best she can as you whine underneath her.

“I can’t, I can’t. ‘S too much, please.”

“Jagi,” she coos it right into your ear, “you haven’t even came yet. You keep tapping out before it gets good. Don’t you wanna come, baby?” You nod and she tilts her head out of the way so you don’t nail her in the jaw.

“I want to, but it’s so much.” She coos as you again as your legs scramble uselessly for purchase underneath hers. The tile is too slippery for you to do so, and Minho’s thighs are no joke. She’s danced for years and her gym routine is nothing to scoff at. You could spend hours writing sonnets about her legs if you weren’t so distracted.

“You can though, can’t you, kitty cat?” Your hand pats frantically at her arm until she gets the message to hold it in one of her own. “You can be good for me, right? You’ll come the way I want you to?”

The sound you let out in response to that is more of a cry than anything else, she shushes you and kisses your cheek sweetly like she isn’t the one overloading your nerves with sensation, like the isn’t the one unleashing as much water pressure as possible on the most sensitive part of your body. She shifts her grip just slightly, adjusts the angle and that has you lurching forward so fast you almost knock her over.

“Silly girl, don’t run.” She pulls you right back to her chest, boobs pressed against your back as she fixes the spray directly at the angle that had you reeling. “I always forget how squirmy you get when we do this.” She giggles, like she’s watching a silly cartoon.

“Mommy,” you can’t think enough to say anything intelligent, high, pitchy moans coming out in place of words. You want to answer her, to tell her you weren’t trying to run, that you will be a good girl for her. She’s trained you better than this, but you can’t say much else beyond her title, beyond her name. You hope she knows what you’re trying to tell her anyway.

“Oh, jagi.” Her voice is soft and sweet, but the way she’s pinning you is not. Neither is the way she’s forcing you to take what she gives you. “Mommy’s here, kitty cat. Mommy’s got you.”

“Mommy. Mommy.” You’re repeating it, over and over, too dumb to say anything else as you feel the overwhelming input you’ve been receiving crest higher and higher. She hums after each mention of her name like she understands what you’re saying. Hums like you’re one of the cats meowing at her for attention. You suppose she’s not too far off.

You cum with a near silent scream, breath halting in your chest in a way that used to concern Minho when it first happened. She doesn’t keep the water pressure going for too long after that, dropping the showerhead to replace the stream with her fingers to help you ride it out. She only loosens her grip when you slump back against her, loose limbed and dazed, muscles still twitching from how tightly they were tensed. She kisses the side of your face and very politely keeps her hands above your waistline while you calm down.

“You feel better?” She’s holding the shower head again, and giggles when you close your legs, simply holding it to the side so it doesn’t spray water all over the floor.

“Mhm. Thank you, mommy.”

“I’m glad. Let’s finish showering, yeah? Mommy will clean you up.”

 (You’re leaning heavily against her as she guides you to sit on the bed, grabbing your respective lotions and hair care products and turning to take care of you first. You whine at her.

“Let me do yours!” She raises an eyebrow.

“Keep your eyes open for more than thirty seconds and maybe I will.” You lift your hands and manually pry your eyelids apart. She bats at them until you stop.

“Ew, it’s so gross when you do that. Freak.”

“I miss five minutes ago when you were telling me I’m the love of your life.”

“Five minutes ago you weren’t being a little shit head.”

“False. I’m always a shit head.” She hums and grabs your chin, wiggling your head a little until you look at her.

“No, sometimes, you’re my sweet little girl.”

“Oh.” There’s absolutely no hiding the way you react to her when she talks to you like that and your hands fly to her hips as she lets go and leans back out of your personal space to grab the stuff to start your post-shower routine.

“Let me eat you out.” It’s sudden, and comes out of you in a rush.

“What?” She nearly drops the bottle of leave-in, ears turning red.

“Please? Please. I’ll get on my knees right now.” She scoffs.

“You’re falling asleep as we speak”

“No, I’m wide awake right now. Please let me, please.” She hums.

“Let me finish what I’m doing and if you’re still speaking in full sentences and not going crazy with sleep induced hysteria, I’ll let you.”

“Yippee!”

“If you fall asleep you can have what you want in the morning.”

“You’re the best, ever.”

“I’m aware.”

By the time she’s done taking care of the both of you, you are definitely not well enough to be doing anything. That doesn’t stop you from trying though, and you fall asleep with your head pillowed on one of Minho’s thighs. She has to readjust you so you don’t suffocate in her cunt. What a way to go.)

-

Minho is having a bad day today. It isn’t often she has those, generally unflappable to most things, but she’d gotten into a fight with one of her work friends and came home in a huff.

“I just don’t understand why she won’t listen to me!” She’s slamming things open and closed around the kitchen while you sit on the counter. She works around you as she always does and doesn’t slam anything if it’s less than two feet away from you.

“I know, she’s a bitch. You should report her to HR or something.”

“I should!”

“I’ll help you draft the email. I’m very good at sounding bitchy in a nice way.”

“You are!” She’s aggressively chopping vegetables next to you and you rest a hand on her shoulder.

“Be careful of your fingers, lovie.”

“I’m always careful.”

“Of course you are,” you’re unusually agreeable because it will do nothing but harm to work your girlfriend up when she’s already upset. Besides, of the two of you, you’re more clumsy, so it’s not like you have any legs to stand on. 

“Do you want solutions to what’s going on, or do you want me to keep calling your coworkers mean names?” It’s nice to ask people what kind of support they want, you learned. Minho is a coin toss, sometimes she wants an immediate solution, sometimes she wants to complain. You always do your best to meet her where she is.

“The second one, please.” She’s sauteeing something in the wok, and it smells delicious. You peer over her shoulder.

“Pause. Is that pancit?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the love of my life.”

“Yes, yes,” you touch your pointer finger to the tip of an iron-hot ear as she speaks, “please call Moon Chaeyoung a cunt again, it’s funny.”

And so you do, going into detail about all the ways Moon Chaeyoung is inferior at her job compared to your girlfriend until she asks you for genuine help.

(“Is there anything else you need?” She’s laying with her head in your lap as you make tiny braids in her hair. Her eyes are closing and she hums as she thinks about it. You’ve already given her all the advice that you can, her only course of action now is to do it.

“Well. I can think of some things.” She turns her head to the side and shoves her face into your crotch like an animal. You swat her shoulder lightly.

“You’re a horn dog. Insatiable.” She turns her eyes to you, squinting them so her cat-like gaze shifts from playful to predatory.

“Which one of us woke the other up this morning because they couldn’t stop shoving their hands in their pants?” She sits up, leaning over you.

“I was dreaming!” You’re giggling, slipping under her arm and moving away.

“You kept going after I woke you up!” She stands up, throwing her arms in the air indignantly. You cross your arms in response.

“I was horny!” 

“That’s exactly my point.” She has her head in her hands so the words come out muffled. She grumbles something and lunges after you. You squeal and head towards your room.

“Yah! Get back here you little shit!” She lets out a huff as you throw a cat toy at her.

“I thought I was the love of your life!”

“That was before you decided to run from me- don’t you dare close that damn door-” The bedroom door clicks shut and the sound of your giggles is uncontrollable. You hear her walk away before the lock jiggles and her head pops through.

“Guess who?” You laugh again, heading towards the bed to throw more things at her, it does nothing to stop her. It’s not long before she has you pinned underneath her.

“Hi,” you smile at her, leaning up for a kiss.

“All that and all you want to say to me is ‘hi’?”

“Yeah.” She rolls her eyes and flips you over as you yelp in surprise. You’re about to start questioning her when a sharp sting lights up your ass.

“Ah- Minho! Hey!”

“Stop squirming. I’m not done yet.” There’s another smack over your pants before she pulls them down and her palm is connecting with skin.

“This isn’t fair! I didn’t even do anything!” You’re protesting while laying limply across her lap. She laughs at you.

“‘This isn’t fair’ she whines. Why is your pussy so wet then, hmm?” She spreads your legs a bit and lands a smack there too, snickering when your legs close reflexively on her hand. “Be a good girl, jagi. Take what you’re given.”)

-

It’s sunny when you ask her. The air is hot and humid and she’s wearing this dress that’s making your brain melt out of your ears. You’re having a picnic, because you can, and she’s talking about this show that she’s watching with Jisung.

“And then- and you’ll never fucking believe this- he goes ‘I could never court her’ and she overhears. If that happened to me I would literally explode.” You hum, shoving a heart shaped sandwich in her mouth while you look at her side profile. She’s beautiful, sharp nose and a round face. You want to live the rest of your life with her.

You’ve talked about it before, on hazy mornings when the rest of the world is just waking. In the middle of the night when the only sound is the hoot of owls and the buzz of crickets. At lunch, at dinner, at breakfast. In the shower, over the phone, through text messaging when you’re at work. You both are listed on the cat's vet information, something she changed a year into dating that she was nervous about telling you.

  “I don’t want you to feel pressured,” she’d said, “or like they’re your responsibility. I can take you off if you want, but I thought that if I was out of town or if something happened, you should be able to take care of them.” She’d been nervous, ears red with shame instead of the cute way they flush when you flirt with her. 

“Thank you, jagi.” You don’t often call her that, preferring to torture her with bad puns using the syllables of her name, so her breath catches in her throat.

“You’re sure?”

“Of course.”

She knows every order that you get from fast food restaurants, she hounded your parents for their chicken noodle soup recipe when you got sick one time. She learned how to make your grandma’s spaghetti sauce and let’s you call her mommy in bed because it makes you feel safe.

She’s everything to you and then some, so when you tap her shoulder and hold out the ring you bought, it’s as natural as breathing. A fact of life, an inevitability. The sky is blue, the grass is green, you are going to marry Lee Minho.

“He keeps friendzoning her. It's absolutely despicable, like, are you blind or something-” She turns her gaze to you and her eyes go wide. “You’re joking.” Her eyes are welling with tears, something that you hardly ever see.

“I’m as serious as a heart attack, baby. Will you be my wife? I promise if you say yes I’ll start helping you make the bed in the morning instead of laying on it and making your job harder.” She hugs you, knocking you back onto the blanket you’re sitting on. The movement tips over your cup of lemonade and you damn near lose the ring.

“Of course I will. And you most certainly will not help. But that’s okay, I love you even if you create weird bumps in my sheets and mess up my hard work not five seconds after it’s done.” She kisses your face all over, resembling more like an overexcited puppy than the cats she favors, and you grab her hand to slip the ring on it.

“I love you, Minho. I really do.”

“I can’t believe I get to marry the most beautiful girl in the world,” she says, looking down at her hand.

“You don’t,” you start, kissing her cheekbone. “You don’t get to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. I do.”

(“You know,” she starts as you’re packing up, “I was going to propose to you soon.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Absolutely I am not.” She fishes around the pocket of her dress before pulling out a ring.

“This is so funny. Can I still have it?”

“Of course, it’s yours,” she slips it onto your finger, face heating up to match her ears, “everything I have is yours. Everything and then some.”)

[yumemiyas-wips]

All of you SHUT UP and read this.

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF POST BELOW.

Two “rival” Chinese lesbian fic writers submit anonymous posts about each other on Weibo (Chinese twitter).

**I AM NOT the OOPs.** Two authors in the same lesbian fic writing community anonymously submitted posts to a Venting for Writers account on Weibo (https://t.co/BBxcEnSiJ4) (Chinese twitter). Source of the screenshots (https://twitter.com/juexias/status/1615339261611610115) in Chinese from @juexias on Twitter.

Mood Spoilers: CUTE, SWEET, WHOLESOME

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Submission by first author to the Venting for Writers account (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615417962693033990?s=20) *Translations done by @silencedhawks on twitter.* — 27 December 2022

Both myself and another writer are quite famous within the same circle. We write and produce content at around the same speed. We don’t interact much between each other, but we have a bit of a little rivalry going on. For example, if she published a piece, tomorrow I have to publish one too. I can’t let her take up the trending spot on her own. We take up half of the trending spots without giving into each other, so we compete quite passionately against each other in secret.

But these two weeks I scrolled, and she didn’t appear, so I checked her profile and realized she was down with a very high fever and had been uncontactable. For a moment the Christmas gift fic I had became bland and tasteless.

When I finished reading, I was really scared. I immediately used my reader QQ account to ask her what happened and found out that she didn’t manage to snatch medicine in time and had been sick in bed for four days straight. After hearing that, I sent half a box of ibuprofen and fever reducers to her overnight. Now I just hope she’ll get better faster so I can properly and fairly beat her up. **The victory of being on top feels hollow when she isn’t here.**

And when she was lying in bed, I seriously thought it over. I concluded that her prose has too many irrelevant words and complicated sentences. What can be said in ten words she says in more than a hundred, apart from the complicatedness, it isn’t that good.

But compared to the others in the fandom, if I had to pick one, her writing is still more acceptable. Amen.

Response post (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615423341594308608) by the second author (https://twitter.com/silencedhawks/status/1615423358556045312?s=20) (the one who got sick). *Translations done by @silencedhawks on twitter.* — 15 January 2023

Hello Bot, have some ibuprofen a reader sent me.

This is what happened: A week before Christmas, a lot of people from my school returned to their hometowns. On my way back, I caught COVID and fell sick, and ended up spending the entire Christmas in bed. I was really miserable during that time. I didn’t stock medicine. Even the fever meds I had were from begging my maternal grandma’s neighboring village. My family is a little special, I was brought up by my grandma. She’s getting on in years now and I absolutely don’t dare to let her take care of me.

With no one to take care of me and no medicine, the side effects of COVID left me bedridden and half-dead. Even after the fever went down on the third day, my head still felt like it was exploding with pain, like someone was prying it open from my temples all the way to my forehead.

After I felt a bit better, I decided to bury myself in blankets and check my phone to see how popular the fic I posted was, how many comments there were, in order to cheer myself up. I write in a small circle. Even though I’m not as popular as another writer who writes drabbles in the same circle, I have more comments and a very stable fanbase. Sometimes I manage to get on the rankings too.

There’s a reader who will always leave me meaningful comments on the content of each chapter and is very good at directly pinpointing what I wanted to convey. So I have a very distinct impression of her and later exchanged QQs with her. After exchanging QQs, I found out that she’s very lively and cute, like one of the cats I used to raise. Even through the screen, I can feel the lightness between her words. But she doesn’t use QQ often and is only online late at night.

Her command of language is very good. I asked her before if she would be open to collabing with me, but she said that she may not have the standards and time to churn out fic, and that the most she can do is some shallow writing. It was this reader that sent me medicine after hearing I got COVID. When she sent me the parcel number, it had only been half an hour since we talked.

The medicine had a paper note on it with nice handwriting. Below the note, four tablets of fever medicine had been used and there was still more than half the box of ibuprofen. After I received it, I asked how she would cope without it, and she told me two hours later that she still has medicine at her house. And she said that she was too busy these few days and forgot to say happy Christmas, so was a bit embarrassed. And she sent a very cute sticker, carefully asking me if she could make up for it with a belated Christmas wish. Actually, when I received the medicine, I was already half recovered. But I still deeply remember her Christmas greeting.

She said happy Christmas, and remembered that after she herself had gotten COVID her throat hurt, so she also gave me a box of lozenges and told me not to forget to eat them. **After all, you have to eat sweets during Christmas.**

In that moment I really couldn’t reply because I was crying. I was crying so hard that I scared my grandma. Even though I’ve explained many times, she still believes that the “friend” who sent me medicine is definitely a boyfriend that I haven’t told her about.

The story I want to tell ends here. When I was writing this, she was shopping for CNY (across province) goods with me. After her holidays started, she came online more often but still occasionally lost contact sometimes.

During those times I kept looking at my phone and thinking, **“If heaven exists, I hope we can meet each other in the future.” If it doesn’t, I’m willing to write for her forever.**

(Reddit OP here. These were anonymous submissions and we are unlikely to get any updates from here so I consider it concluded. Side note: The author who got sick has some insane charisma. Get it girl.)

[ealouis]

7/27 vent pt 1

[canadianceliac]

When I was 12 years old, I got my first migraine. I had just gotten my first period, and along with the cramps and general ickiness of that, I was nauseous, my neck was killing me, and my head felt like an ice pick had been driven into my skull.

This is normal

That’s all the women in my life told me. That they had the same thing, every once in a while on their period. But not me. I got migraines on my period, on random Wednesday’s, after seeing movies with friends, after walking the dog, in class, in bed…in short, every where, any time, with no warning. That isn’t normal. So 12 year old me was packed up in the car and taken to a doctor.

This is normal

That’s all the doctor told me. I was told to take acetaminophen and ibuprofen, put an ice pack on my head, and deal. So I did. Two years passed of near constant migraines; I changed my behaviour, hoping it would help. I stopped going to movies, I stopped hanging out with friends if there was even a chance I’d get a migraine. Somewhere in this time, not only was my period a major migraine trigger, but it was heavy enough that I would pass out and need more pads than any woman should ever need. At 13ish, I was put on birth control. It took 12 years to get off of it. Eventually, the dizziness and fainting got so bad even outside of my period that finally, after months of begging, I was sent for a blood test where they discovered my iron levels were so low, they were literally undetectable. So now, armed with birth control, pain meds, and iron supplements, I was ready to start high school. Except none of those things were helping. The migraines got worse and worse, the iron supplements hurt my stomach and didn’t help raise my iron levels, and the birth control was not only unnecessary (raging lesbian here) but were likely causing more migraines! My first year of high school, I missed so many classes that I was told at the end of the year that if I had missed one more class, I would not have passed. I had a headache everyday at the end of school, so I would leave before my last class ended. My iron levels were so low that I could barely participate in gym class, and had to nap for hours a day just to feel a bit of energy. At the end of grade 9, after once again begging for months, my doctor sent me to a neurologist.

This is normal…but if you think you have a brain tumour, let me know

That is a genuine quote from my neurologist. And since I didn’t think I had a brain tumour (and he scared me to death with that sentence), I instead sought out other doctors who could help. From the age of 14 to 19, I saw chiropractors, physiotherapists, acupuncturists, nutritionists, naturopaths, hematologists, and more. I had Botox injections, took every type of medication under the sun, from triptans to anti-seizure meds to antidepressants to painkillers, and nothing worked for more than 3 months. That was the limit on every med and every treatment. Nothing really made my migraines go away completely, but they helped a little.

When I went to university, things got a little better. I got a new doctor who was willing to offer new treatments, I was happier, and I had a room with blackout blinds. All a girl could need. I was still getting migraines weekly, but somehow they seemed more tolerable. That was until the summer arrived, and with it, some of the most stressful times of my life. I had gotten a fun summer job, was living at home again, and generally relaxing for the summer. But as the summer arrived, humidity, thunderstorms, and some family issues would elevate my migraines to some of the worst I’d ever had. Trips to the ER offered no relief as I was told to just take more ibuprofen, the chiropractor was visited daily, and I had to quit my job because I missed weeks on end.

The migraines lessened as the summer ended, but my iron deficiency had made everything worse. I was dizzy, tired, and irritable. So, after years of supplements that hurt my stomach and did nothing for my iron levels, I asked for an infusion and instead, I got injections. 10 of them, in my glutes. It was awful, and they left stains on my butt, but my iron levels were finally detectable. When I went back to school, I needed a doctor to sign off on the injections to get them from the school nurse. Now, at my school, you don’t see the same doctor every time so I was sent to see a new doctor who asked a question that somehow, in 12 years of dizziness and supplements, no doctor had ever asked.

Why

It seems like a silly question, but it would change my life. This was the first time a doctor had gone past the explanation of “woman with low iron”. Why did I have low iron? I took supplements, I ate red meat, and I didn’t bleed a lot on my period because of the birth control. So how did my iron never get better unless it was injected directly into my muscles. There were a few potential reasons that we quickly ruled out through tests or family history, and then the doctor said “I have one last thing to check for, but it will almost definitely come back negative since you have none of the symptoms, but we should try anyway”. The test was $100 bucks out of pocket, and until recently, I don’t think I would have gotten that test done if I wasn’t so desperate for an answer.

A week after the test, my doctor called and asked me to come in. They would never discuss results over the phone, so it didn’t seem like anything important to me, just another negative test and no answers. But when I got there, and my doctor opened the results to read, she literally laughed out loud. I was the first person she had ever sent for the test, with no symptoms, and yet I somehow had the highest levels she’d ever seen. I’d need a biopsy to confirm, she warned, but she was 100% sure I has Celiac disease. Now this might be obvious to you due to my account name, but at the time I was floored. Allergic to gluten? I’m an Italian Jew, all we do is eat gluten. My stomach never hurt, I never had digestive issues, and yet my body was destroying itself every time I had so much as a crumb.

I got the biopsy and an official diagnosis, I stopped eating gluten, and slowly but surely, my migraines went away. Not entirely, I still have a migraine on my period, and if the weather gets really crazy, but once a month is better than always. But now I get to see movies with friends, and go to fireworks shows, and go on long walks, and dance in night clubs. I’m making this post to help others like me, who have searched and pleaded with doctors to do something and gotten no where. I want to make it so clear right now that I did everything I could. I advocated for myself, I asked questions, I tried every treatment offered to me, and got no where until some random doctor asked a question no one had tried to answer, and just happened to know that migraines and iron deficiency could be symptoms of Celiac disease.

I’m making this post, and this account, to tell people that they should ask to get tested, even if there’s no family history or stomach troubles. The asymptomatic version makes it hard to diagnose, but my life got so much better when I found out. I’m not cured. I still have low iron and migraines, but it’s better. I’m happier.

The rest of this blog is going to be actually good recipes, GF alternatives, and some need-to-knows about being gluten free. But I hope my story will get out there and help at least one person suffering (My grandma tells everyone she’s ever met who’s had a headache to get tested, and she’s already helped 3 people so I think my chances are pretty good.)

Thanks for sticking around to read this. I appreciate it.

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Hey 😈 5,8,13,15,30,22,16,62,88,54,74,91,33,45

SCREAM this is so many and they're not in numerical order I think I had a little stroke sdkfhgdklf but I fixed them now, LET'S DO THISSS

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Preferably soda bottles because I usually have one of the 500ml ones in my bag when I'm at uni and things, but if it's one of the big 2l bottles then I'll have it in a cup (which I think are bamboo??)

8. movies or tv shows?

TV, it sounds ridiculous, but I have way more of an attention span for tv than movies and yet somehow watch like 13 hours of the same show??

13. lanyard or key ring?

Absolutely keyring, lanyards sit between and accentuate my insecurititties and make me gender dysphoria soar dshfljdhghd

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The Remains Of The Day by Kazuo Ishiguro, for straights it was v cute and heart warming

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

In what I can only think to describe (mortifyingly) as man-spreading. Idk if you've seen Here Awhile, but anytime Camp sits like a lesbian with her legs apart and half slumped?? Like that.

22. role model?

God this is kinda depressing but I don't really have one?? I have people I admire sure, but not anyone I look at and go "oh I want to be them when I grow up" dhgdjsf

30. places that you find sacred?

My flat. Anywhere that I am with @chloebeale and @djbubblegum because they're literally the only people I've ever been comfortable enough to be completely myself around.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Probably "SCREAM" or some form of "sdljdfghgdfsg" because I am constantly both of those things.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Ooo it depends... I think fantasy?? Idk kind of straddling the line between sci-fi and fantasy because sometimes things are both

54. what did you learn from your first job?

The people that work in hospitality deserve a freaking medal for the shit they have to put up with, and apparently millionaires stay in budget hotels at xmas

62. seven characters you relate to?

Beca Mitchell (Pitch Perfect)

Aubrey Posen (Pitch Perfect)

Edie Palmer (Almost Family)

Heather Davis (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

Monica Geller (Friends)

Darby Carter (Love Life)

Claire Dunphy (Modern Family)

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Honestly, for someone who is kind of a wuss when it comes to pain I like never take painkillers when I should?? It usually has to be like an 8/9 before I cave and go "okay I'm not being dramatic I should actually take something for this"

88. your greatest wish?

For Anna Kendrick to absolutely ruin me

91. boxes or bags?

Mate just give me a backpack and I am the happiest little shit on the planet.

Thank you for these!! 💖

[unkillable-queers]

ask game!

rules: answer these 30 questions and then tag 20 (there’s no way I’ve got enough people to tag for that) people you’d like to get to know better.

tagged by: @kermit-the-femme & @stupidgaywizard (love you both, thanks for this!! <3)

Gender: female?? (experimenting with using she/they pronouns and I like it a lot)

Star sign: sagittarius (which apparently means I'm adventurous and crave wanderlust? idk dude)

Height: 5′6"

Time: ~5pm

Birthday: december 20 babyyy

Favorite Bands: Beach Bunny, L.E.J, Fleetwood Mac, MUNA

Favorite Solo Artists: elton john, mxmtoon, claud, cavetown, rex orange county, lizzo, harry styles, clairo, angèle

Song stuck in my head: united kingdolls - uk hun? (rupaul's drag race uk)

Last movie I watched: moxie (it was not good)

Last show I watched: veronica mars

When did I create this blog: 2012 I think?

What I post: lots of gallavich, lots of the old guard, some marvel and disney, just generally things I like including gay shit and stuff I find funny, also dimension 20

other blogs: v briefly had a lesbian-centric sideblog run with @stupidgaywizard

last thing I googled: "ibuprofen for vaccine pain" -- apparently you should not take ibuprofen after your covid vaccine (take tylenol instead!)

do i get asks: sometimes but not often - I would love to get more though so feel free to say hi or ask some questions!!

why I chose my url: the old guard (2020) has my whole heart, and it features many unkillable queers

following: 388

followers: 546 (somehow??? honestly it's incredible anyone still follows me anymore my blog is not cohesive)

average hours of sleep: 6-7

lucky number: I don't have one?

instruments: I played violin for 6 years but it's been a while

what I'm wearing: a black dress my mom gave me and socks (it's hot out and I just got home from work)

dream trip: anything that would let me sleep in transit (so a long haul train ride or a flight that would allow me to recline my seat into a bed that's the dream)

favorite food: dry chicken chow fun or potstickers

nationality: american (unfortunately)

Last book I read: Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender (about a trans demi-boy caught in a love triangle and making his way through a summer art program while coming to terms with his many marginalized identities -- I loved it and would absolutely recommend) -- I recently started reading You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson and I like it a lot so far

top 3 fictional worlds I’d like to live in: Solace from Fantasy High (a John Hughes-esque world but there's also fantastical creatures and characters?? yes please! I want to go to an ice cream parlor and run into a family of halflings that sounds lovely), Bright Moon from She-Ra (just seems like a fun place to live and Glimmer would be my queen which sounds fantastic I love her so much), and the final good place from season 4 of The Good Place (I mean... it's heaven? but I could leave and end my existence once it became too repetitive? sounds perfect I'm in.)

Favorite color: recently I really like yellow but tbh I haven't committed to having a favorite color in a really long time

Tagging: @seren-dippy-tea @queereclair @a-grain-of-salt @diancdanvers @let-goletgod @paris-rules @pentaholix and if anyone else wants to do this after they see this, feel free to tag me!! <3

[docholligay]

How about "a death worth dying" Haruka/Mina hurt/comfort? A gift for Jet AND you!

Good Prompt! This all takes place in the Talismans AU I’m writing, and if you need to see where it takes place, the entire AU so far is here. 1500 words, and I hope you enjoy for Jetty’s birthday! You can still send prompts in! 

Haruka was suicidal, Mina thought, in the same way a Gothic Victorian protagonist was, and this was miles more difficult to deal with than the classic flavor, in her mind. Haruka did not say she wanted to die, and Mina never truly worried that she would come home to a mess. This, you see, would be admitting that something in her life had gotten to her, and this was unacceptable. 

So instead, Haruka claimed she was fine, and that she wasn’t trying to hurt herself, and she drank too much, and smoked, and sometimes she didn’t eat, and she drove her motorcycle as fast as she could down the busiest highways and roads of Tokyo. Or, as in the current moment, she let what might have been a simple medical issue get far out of hand, and what could have been a few days in bed had now turned into a fevered, shaking, coughing mess. 

But this was not the worst of Mina’s troubles, not by a wide margin, as she ran cold water over a washcloth in their tiny corner the landlord called a kitchen. 

No, the worst of it was that Mina was beginning to feel quite fond of Haruka Tenoh, dramatic butch lesbian and self-destruction artist. 

She hadn’t meant for it to happen. Rei’s friend Usagi had excitedly put forth the idea that she lived with her parents, and Rei lived at the shrine, but Mina needed a roommate, didn’t she? Usagi had seen her writing up the ad, and now here was Haruka, in need of a place to live, how perfect. Mina had snorted at the idea, and shook her head. Haruka was one of her most irritating and troublesome soldiers, bull headed and loud and angry, and Mina didn’t want to spend any more time with her than she had to. 

But Usagi could be very convincing, and Usagi always seemed to be around when they ought to be discussing senshi business, and Usagi had tenderly held Haruka’s broken hand in hers, frowned deeply, and pulled Mina into the arcade closet, turning a particular shade of red Mina had never seen. Haruka was hurt, and that’s why she was grumbly, Usagi opined. Mina didn’t care, she replied. Usagi didn’t care, that Mina didn’t care. 

So here she was. In an apartment with Haruka. Forced to discover that Haruka had other sides, that she could be funny, and she was sensitive, and she wasn’t half bad in the kitchen so long as you stuck to something like soba noodles or chicken and egg bowls. She usually had something in the fridge for when Mina got home from work. She tossed in Mina’s laundry with her own. After the disaster of the time they’d kissed, Haruka even sometimes gently initiated a hug, cautiously as a gazelle about to bolt. 

And all of that made it easy to care about her, and all of that was very irritating, because this fact about Haruka was still true, and would be true for a very long time: She loved to punish herself for the crime of being Haruka Tenoh. 

Mina sighed and shook her head as she wrung out the cloth and folded it on the tray. There was no point in thinking about the whys of the way Haruka was, because Haruka wasn’t ready to even admit it was real, much less root out the cause. No, there was not much to be done except try to ensure she did not succeed at her tragic Byronic death, and hope that someday she pulled her head of her ass. She was already asking Mina to hang out with her, some nights, and had let Mina see her cry, twice now, so, she thought, placing a spoon on the tray next to the bowl of soup, there was hope. 

Haruka shivered on the couch, Mina having long since informed her she wasn’t allowed to sequester herself in her room and wait to die. 

“If you don’t turn around pretty soon, I’m taking you to the hospital.” Mina set the tray down on the table at the side of the couch. 

“No way,” Haruka shook her head, “No.” 

“Listen I know your hearing’s not great but that actually wasn’t a question,” she plopped her straw in the glass of Sprite, “or a request.” 

Haruka struggled to sit up, her eyes bright with fever and annoyance.” Mina, I still get a say in what I–” 

A cough racked her, heavy and wet and deep, and Haruka’s eyes closing against the painful wheeze of it. MIna laid a hand on her back and handed her a handkerchief, waiting patiently until the worth of ended, and Haruka lay back against the side of the couch, and the pillows stacked there. 

“Compelling argument.” Mina rolled her eyes, but slipped the ibuprofen into Haruka’s hand. 

“Mina–” 

“I’m not gonna fight about this and you don’t have the energy,” MIna handed her the sprite, “I’m giving you the night. Then we’re done here. You sound like shit.” 

Haruka swallowed the pills and took a sip of the soda. “Is this a Shirley temple?” 

Mina pulled an ugly thrift-store chair from across the room, and set it by Haruka’s head. “You like those, and I need you not to be dehydrated on top of everything else.” 

“Thanks.” After a few drinks, she gave it back to Mina, and closed her eyes, “I’m a pain in the ass.” 

“Yes, you fucking are.” Mina barked, harder than she meant to, and she felt a little pang (damn you, Usagi) when Haruka flinched at it. 

Mina got on Haruka, frequently, about trying to hide everything behind being angry, and here she was, doing the same thing. She was annoyed, it was true, but that wasn’t all of it. Few things are pure, in this world, and most situations are a kaleidoscope of jagged bits of emotion, simply reflected back on each other. 

“Ruka,” she sighed, picking up the cloth, “You’re making me fucking crazy,” She gently placed the compress on Haruka’s forehead, “You know why?”

Haruka shrugged, eyes still closed. “I’m dumb.”

Mina’s hand moved faster than her mind, and she snatched at Haruka’s nipple through her shirt, twisting it. “I told you not to say that shit.” 

“Mina!” Haruka yelped, and it turned into another terrible, racking cough. 

Mina jumped up and sat on the couch next to her, rubbing her back as each jolt went through Haruka’s entire body. Sitting this close, Mina could feel how exhausted she was, and she wasn’t sure if it was just the nature of Mina’s emotional vibrations or the fact that she was so sick it was probably echoing all the way down to the Roppongi district. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s okay, calm down. Slow breaths, I’m sorry.” She picked up the compress from Haruka’s lap, “It’s okay, lay back.” 

Haruka laid back on the pillow, half-asleep already with the sheer effort of a ten minute conversation. “S’okay.” 

Mina took her hand. “You know why you’re a pain in my ass? Why you make me fucking crazy? Because I like having you around. I want you to stick around.” She placed the cool cloth back on Haruka’s forehead. “Sometimes it feels like I’m fighting you to make that happen.” 

“Sometimes, I think,” Haruka opened her eyes heavily, staring at the ceiling, “It’d be better if I wasn’t.” 

“Yeah, your actions make that pretty abundantly clear, Bud. But,” Mina put her other hand on top of Haruka’s, holding it tight. “Isn’t true, you know. Haruka, I have a lot better shit to do than sit next to you on the couch, but when I think in my mind about you not being here…I hate it.” 

Tell her you love her, came a voice in her mind, and, sitting on the floor of a cathedral a month later, she would be sorry she swept it away. Regrets come to us all, in the end. 

“Yeah?”  was Haruka’s only reply. 

“Yeah,” Mina patted her hand, “Besides, if you’re gonna chase death, this is not how you want to do it. You could go out in a blaze of glory, you could run into a building to save a child, but you’re gonna get pneumonia? Crash your bike? C’mon. Basic. Pedestrian. I expect so much more from you. Don’t die for nothing, when there’s so much something out there to die for.” 

Haruka gave a weak smile. “A death worth dying.” 

“Exactly, so if you’d forget the Victorian orphan act and eat this soup, I’d appreciate it.” She took the tray off the table and set it on Haruka’s lap. “Don’t be afraid, the soup is from the cafe on the corner.”

Haruka took a shaky breath as she tried to stifle a cough. “Don’t make me laugh.” 

“God, just ask me not to be a sensual being that drives lust into the hearts of all who look upon me, you impossible lesbian.” Mina grinned. “So hard to cover these many talents.” 

“Maybe,” Haruka took a slurp of soup, “a turtleneck.” 

“Okay, that one was pretty good so I’m gonna let it slide, but next time you’re getting popped.” 

In some stories, Haruka would have immediately stopped smoking, made a regular schedule for meals, and driven at a conservative rate of speed, for the rest of her life. But this is not one of those stories, and the walls of self-denial and self-destruction come down as slowly as they are built. 

But today, there was a warm bowl of soup on Haruka’s lap, and a chunk of the wall fell out, and crumbled to the ground. 

[clumsydarknut]

Scripted Wishes

Chapter 2: New Friends

Beginning | Previous | Next | Most Recent

Lucy awoke with a start. Her phone was buzzing violently on her bedside table. Groggily she picked it up and read the lovely “Wake up now if you wanna be cute” note she had attached to her repeating alarm. She felt terrible, stomach aching slightly. Maybe she should hit snooze.

But if this alarm was going off, it meant there was school. And her note was right – if she wanted to pick a super cute outfit, she needed to get up now. Gritting her teeth, she slid her finger across the screen to end the buzzing and threw herself upright before she could fall asleep again. The sudden movement sent a jolt of pain through her head. Lovely. A headache too. But it’s only the second day of school – I can’t miss already!

With that, she switched on her lamp. The light stung her eyes. Why did she feel so awful? She looked blankly around the room, trying to remember what happened the night before. The party. Bora. Natsu too, I think. Why was he there again? Bits and pieces floated through her mind, but it was jumbled and fleeting.

She glanced at the clock on her night stand to check the time. It was only 7:00, so still an hour before school. Maybe she should just sleep some more and give up on the outfit. Getting to pick her clothes was cool, but so was sleep. She yawned and started to lay back down when she saw the unfamiliar folded piece of notebook paper next to her clock.

Taking it and pushing herself up again, she unfolded it.

Lucy,

The doctor told me you might not remember what happened, so I figured I should leave a note just in case.

Bora invited you to his party and you decided to go. After cross country I heard some girls talking about it saying some Salamander guy was hosting, so I knew something was up and rushed over. When I got there a bunch of the girls were drugged up and stuff so I called the cops. I got you out and took you to one of them walk-in clinics. They said Bora probs used roofies, but in a pretty low dose. Said you should be fine by morning, so I took you back to your apartment. I, uh… couldn’t find the key in your bag, so I had to break in through your window… sorry about that. If your landlady is mad I’ll pay for it.

Anyway, hope you’re okay. Doc said you’d be fine to take some ibuprofen if you need it. See you around.

Natsu 

The jumbled pieces started falling into place. The party, Bora pushing her onto the bed, Natsu nailing him in the face… wait, had his fist been on fire? Couldn’t have been, she thought. Must be the drugs.

Lucy gave a start. Fury started to build up in her. That dirty little…! He spiked my drink! What the hell?!

She leapt off the bed, ignoring the pangs in her forehead. That shallow, evil smooth-talker spiked my drink! After such a great first day of school! AND while I was wearing my favorite dress! She stomped into her bathroom and began furiously running a brush through her hair. Member of the drama club, my foot! She practically threw her brush back onto the counter, pulled out a toothbrush, loaded toothpaste onto it and jammed it into her mouth.

“Just wait, Bora!” she snarled through the foamy paste, “I’m going to look so hot today those fangirls of yours might just turn lesbian!”

---

Natsu lounged on the front steps of the school, eyes glued to his phone. Flamewater Circus had just posted a new behind-the-scenes video and it was loaded with good tricks. As fascinating as it was, however, it wasn’t enough to hold his attention when the commotion started down by the sidewalk.

He paused the video and slipped his phone back into his pocket, glancing up to see what the gasps were about. His jaw dropped as the ripple in the crowd broke to reveal Lucy, sauntering up the walk to the school, a sway in her hips and confidence in her stride.

Lucy wore jet-black, skin-tight jeans cuffed just above her tall, beachy wedge heels, a matching, sandy belt clasped at her waist by a large bronze buckle. A tight, white tank, while covering all over her cleavage, hugged every curve in her body and left a slight gap of skin between the hem and her waistband. Over it she wore a light denim-patterned button-up, sleeves folded back perfectly to elbow length. It hung open, swishing against her sides as she strolled toward the door. Rather than a backpack she sported a silver messenger bag, matching her numerous silver bracelets and the long necklace dangling around her neck. Her hair was curled just slightly, hanging free under a floppy black hat. Her dark lipstick contrasted starkly with her pale skin and light hair, making her lips look poofy and plump. Her eyes seemed much more clear, sharp, and bold than they were when Natsu had met her, and he couldn’t place why. All in all, it was clear Lucy meant to make a statement, and Natsu thought she was doing a good job of it.

“Yo, Natsu!”

He tore his gaze away from Lucy to find his dark-haired friend, Gray, making his way across the pavement.

“Oi, snow fairy!” he called, smirking, “What took you so long? Get held up by the Rat King?”

Gray rolled his eyes. “I should be the one asking you, flame face. Class starts in three minutes. How long have you been sitting there ogling at that chick?”

Natsu brushed him off, getting to his feet. “I met her yesterday. Just surprised to see her, considering what went down last night.”

Gray raised an eyebrow.

“No, not like that!” Natsu groaned. “Jeez, man, get your brain out of the gutter. I pulled her out of that party that got crashed by the cops.”

“Whoa, wait, what?” Gray took a turn ogling as Lucy disappeared through the front door. “That happened last night? And she’s at school today?”

“Now you see why I was staring.”

Gray shook his head slightly, running his fingers through his spikey hair before starting for the door. “ Jaa, iku yo. [1] ”

“Oi, nihongo de hanasanaide. Wakari nikui yo.”[2] Natsu replied, hauling his bag over his shoulder.

“Me? Hard to understand?” Gray scoffed, “You should hear your accent.”

“ Nihonjin janai yo! Ore no sei janai! [3] ” Natsu growled back.

Gray tossed a glance over his shoulder and kept walking, tiredly calling back, “You’re the one who keeps using it, not me. I’m speaking English, pyro.”

Natsu grit his teeth and took off running after Gray, shouting, “Yeah and you sound stupid doing it, frost face!”

“At least I sound decent in one of my languages where you sound like an idiot no matter what language you pick!”

“Ice princess!”

“Ash brain!”

---

Lucy strolled confidently into her first class, forcing the rage she felt to stay far away from her face. Letting her annoyance show would completely undermine the bold, daring, sexy appearance she was going for. Although, if she saw Bora today, there would be no holding back the daggers that would surely shoot from her glare.

“Professor Buchanan?” she asked, approaching the blocky man.

“Ah, what can I do for you today?” he replied, smiling.

The smile softened her fury just a touch, and she smiled back. “My name’s Lucy. I was told to remind you about my, ah, situation, before you take roll.” Professor Buchanan stared for a moment before realization bloomed on his angular face.

“Ah, yes, Lucy. Melina told me of your request.” He smiled even brighter. “I’ll be sure to remember. Thank you for the reminder.”

She smiled sweetly and took a seat. Soon the rest of the class had trickled in, and Professor Buchanan stood up from his desk.

“Welcome to the first real day of school!” he announced. Several of the class members chuckled. “Since you all got to meet me yesterday, and because I think friendship is more important than math, today I’d like to do some get-to-know-you activities.”

Lucy perked up, but a majority of the class groaned.

“Now, now,” he continued, “I know most of you have already done more of these than you would prefer and will probably do more, so let me make this simple. When I call your name off the roll, stand up and tell us a bit about yourself. Then, when I’ve finished the roll, the rest of class is yours to mingle and chat as much as you’d like.”

The room was filled with shocked grins, and multiple pairs of people locked eyes gleefully.

“Let’s get started, then,” he said, picking up a clipboard, “Auriel, Loke.”

The boy directly to Lucy’s left stood up. He had thick brownish-orange hair that, while not gelled, jutted out in a variety of windswept spikes. He wore an olive-green jacket over an orange t-shirt that dipped low enough to reveal his collarbone – which Lucy couldn’t help but note was an attractive look. He had his hands nonchalantly wedged in the front pockets of his black cargo pants, head tilted to the side. His sharp, hazel eyes were veiled by azure-tinted glasses, and his smirk perfectly accentuated his delicate but defined facial features. Lucy let out a small sigh as he tossed his hair to the side, revealing three small studs along his ear and an oh-so-sharp jawline.

Snap out of it, Lucy! she thought, shaking her head. Yes, he’s attractive, and eye candy is okay sometimes, but what did we learn last night?

“I’m Loke Auriel,” the boy said, voice silky smooth. “I’m a junior, though I’m sure all of you knew that considering this class is for juniors only.” Several girls giggled, and he smiled suavely.

“I like poetry, both the reading and the writing of it,” he continued, “and I am hoping for the part of either Lysander or Demetrius in Magnolia’s fall production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream . I’m a member of the Fairy Tail Theatre Company and when I’m not on stage, I’m in the sound booth running the lights. Beyond theatrical pursuits, I play guitar and like to write my own songs. My favorite color is green and my ideal date-“ a few of the girls gasped, “-is a night stargazing in the forest, where the light pollution is low and the best way to keep warm is curling up under a blanket.”

More giggles and coos as Loke took his seat. Lucy rolled her eyes. This must have been the guy Natsu was looking for when he ran into Bora yesterday. No wonder he confused the two – this guy is an even bigger flirt.

“Nice to meet you, Loke,” Professor Buchanan said with a smile. Loke winked and several girls gasped in delight. “Let’s see… Bradford, Justina.”

The professor worked his way down the list, though so far only Loke had really caught Lucy’s attention. That was largely a result of the bubbling fury towards Bora and similar insincere playboys that burned through most of her consciousness. Oh yeah, he’s just like Bora. He’s not even trying to pretend to be deep.

“Ah, Lucy,” the professor called, interrupting her thought. She stood up and awkwardly faced the majority of the class.

“Hi, I’m Lucy, and I’m brand new to this school,” she began confidently. “I really like acting and I actually came here for the theatre program, but I haven’t tried out yet. I also really like writing. Math isn’t my strong suit.” She shrugged sheepishly at Professor Buchanan, who looked mildly amused. “I’m actually working on a novel, but it’s nowhere near being ready for anyone to read yet. Um, what else… oh, my favorite color is pink, I’m really into astronomy – the real thing, not that horoscope junk – and I’m learning Japanese.”

A couple students let out amazed sounds and she heard a few whispers about astronomy. Professor Buchanan simply smiled and thanked her for the introduction. She sighed in relief as she sat down, glad he had remembered to omit her last name.

“Astronomy, huh?”

She turned to find Loke leaning over his desk toward her, the handsome dial on his smile turned all the way up. She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s rare to find a beautiful woman like yourself with such intellectual tastes,” he hummed, careful not to catch the teacher’s attention, “I’m a bit of an astronomer myself.”

“Yeah?” Lucy said doubtfully, “Is that why your ‘ideal date’ is stargazing?”

He chuckled. “Partially. But I can imagine it would be much more fun with a girl who already knows the stars.”

Rolling her eyes, she replied, “I have no doubt that I know them better than a player like yourself.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. Maybe this weekend we could go out and see if-“

He cut off abruptly, looking up at her with shock plastered to his face.

“What?” she scoffed.

He gulped. “Y-you’re not from K-Konzern Acad-d-demy are you?”

Her annoyance shifted somewhat to confusion. “Yeah, so what?”

He blanched, turning away quickly and pushing his glasses up on his nose. “N-nothing, I just- forget I said anything.”

Her annoyance turned to concern as she watched him fidget in his seat through the rest of the introductions. Maybe I shouldn’t go broadcasting that I transferred from Konzern? Natsu didn’t seem to care, though. Is it just this guy?

When the introductions were finished and free time started, Loke gathered up his things and shuffled to the other side of the classroom, averting his gaze. Lucy felt a twinge of hurt, but that too melted into worry when she noticed his hands shaking.

Guess there’s some history…?

Her thoughts were interrupted by some of her classmates wanting to chat. She spent the rest of the class talking with new acquaintances. When the bell rang, Loke had bolted out the door before she had even begun to stand up. She shook her head and gathered her things.

Luckily, today she remembered how to get to her Japanese class and made it there with a minute or two to spare. She spotted Natsu towards the back of the room, but she took the opportunity to approach the teacher instead.

“Porlyusica-sensei?”

The slender, pink-haired woman whipped around, mildly annoyed. “ Hai, douzo. [4] ”

“I was told to remind you of my special circumstances,” Lucy hesitated, “before you take roll.”

“Mmm… Dare desu ka? [5] ” Porlyusica inquired.

“Oh! Sumimasen! Watashi wa Lucy desu. [6] ” She kept forgetting people didn’t automatically know her here. It was a surprising challenge that came with growing up an aristocrat.

Porlyusica looked at her a minute longer before a flicker of realization sparked in her eyes. “Ah, Lucy-san. Oboeteimasu. [7] It’s rather untraditional to call a student by their first name only in Japan, but I suppose this exception is warranted.” She gestured to the desks without another word. Lucy gave a quick thank you and sat down next to Natsu.

He didn’t seem to notice her arrival as he was glaring across the room. It looked like he was determined to bore a hole right through the skull of a dark-haired, somewhat lanky boy who was glaring back just as intensely. The boy wore a faded navy blue short-sleeved button-up that hung open over a black undershirt and black jeans. Around his neck was a heavy chain bearing a small silver sword. This boy, too, had a defined jaw and attractive facial features. Is every guy at Magnolia smoking hot?

Tired of the staring contest, she flicked Natsu on the shoulder.

“Gah, hey!” he shouted. He turned, annoyed before seeing it was her. “Oh, hey Lucy! How are you feeling?”

She smiled. “I feel pretty good, actually. Thanks for pulling me out of there.”

“Nah, no problem,” he grinned, leaning back in his chair, “Better not talk now, though. Sensei is really picky about people talking during class.”

Lucy nodded, noting the bell had just rung. Right on cue, Porlyusica-sensei was up in front beginning her lecture.

“ Minna-san, youkoso!” she began, “ Daiichi, roll wo shimasu. ‘Hai’ to hanashite kudasai. [8] ”

Lucy stretched in her chair as Porlyusica-sensei began. The class was fairly small – maybe twenty people.

“Agria-san!”

“Hai!”

“Blendy-san!”

“Hai!”

“Cheney-san!”

No response to that one. Sensei marked it down on her clipboard.

“Connell-san!”

“Hai!”

“Darrow-san!”

“Hai!”

“Dragneel-san!”

“Hai!” Lucy turned in shock. That had been Natsu.

“Your name is Natsu Dragneel? ” she whispered.

“That it is,” he grinned smugly, “Dragneel as in Dragon, yes.”

Porlyusica-sensei paid them no mind. “Eucliffe-san!”

“Hai!”

“Hea- Lucy-san!”

“Hai!” Lucy squeaked. That had been close.

“Wait, is Lucy your last name?” Natsu whispered, confused. Lucy facepalmed and peeked at him through her fingers, eyebrow raised.

“Jeez, just asking a question,” he breathed.

“Justine-san!”

“Hai!”

“Lates-san!”

“Hai!”

“Law-san!” Another no-show.

“McGarden-san!”

“Hai!”

“Mulan-san!”

“Hai!”

“Sarasuke-san! Eh? Chotto… Sarasuke-san, doushite koko ni irundesu ka? [9] ”

The presumed Sarusuke-san glumly dropped his head to his desk and replied, “I failed the final again so I can’t take third year.”

Porlyusica-sensei marked him present with a tsk-tsk. “Tearm-san!”

“Hai!”

“Vanderwood-san!”

“Hai!”

That finished the roll, and she continued, “Now, I will introduce this semester’s tutors. Please be nice to them – they are here to help you practice. Fullbuster-san, douzo. [10] ”

To Lucy’s surprise, the dark-haired boy Natsu had been stabbing with his glare stepped to the front of the class.

“ Hajimemashite. Ore wa Gray Fullbuster desu. [11] ” Lucy was thoroughly shocked at the smoothness of his voice and the ease with which he spoke. He seemed to carry no accent at all.

In Japanese, he continued, “I was born in Fiore, but I grew up in Yokohama, Japan. Japanese is my native language, but I speak English too.” He switched to English, smiling and shooting a smug look at Natsu. “I moved here in seventh grade and have been a tutor since freshman year. I like hockey and carpentry, and I’m a part of the drama club. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.[12]”

Lucy was still surprised, forgetting to utter the traditional response with the rest of the class. So he’s from Japan. I wouldn’t have guessed.

Gray bowed and took his seat. Natsu glowered at him, crossing his arms.

Porlyusica chimed in, “ Lockser-san, douzo. ”

From the desk in the front corner rose a curvy, almond-eyed girl dressed head to toe in various shades of blue. Lucy couldn’t help but wonder if the girl was hot in this weather, as some of her layers looked like fur. Her hair was thick and wavy, and the deep blue color added to the waterfall effect over her slim shoulders. As she turned nervously to face the class, Lucy saw a large yellow butterfly clip pinned to her dark Russian-styled hat.

“ Ano… ” she mumbled, looking down, “ Hajimemashite. Juvia Lockser desu. Shusshin wa Kyoto desu. [13] ” She fiddled with her fingers before continuing in strained English. “Juvia doesn’t speak English very well. Demo, Juvia wa gambarimasu! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu! [14] ”

Juvia scurried to her seat as the class repeated yoroshiku onegaishimasu . Lucy couldn’t help but smile at the girl. She had probably just moved to Fiore and likely didn’t have many friends yet. Birds of a feather…

The rest of the class was spent reviewing some basic vocabulary and grammar, most of which Lucy had no trouble with. She was glad to know that the Japanese classes here moved at about the same pace the ones at Konzern had. She was amused to find, however, that Natsu had a terrible time speaking in polite form and nearly always got his conjugations wrong.

“I don’t get why I have to know two different forms,” he grumbled. “If you’re a person, I’m going to talk to you like a person. Why does it matter if I use plain form all the time?”

“Because,” Gray growled, “sometimes even numbskulls like you need to make a good impression. You’ll piss off Porlyusica-sensei if you go acting all familiar around her.”

“She’s never cared before!”

“She has you’re just socially incompetent!”

“Frost face!”

“Ass flame!”

Lucy’s next class came much too soon for her liking. Despite Natsu and Gray’s incessant bickering, Japanese had been lots of fun. Plus, she had really wanted to talk to Natsu about the night before. She couldn’t believe a near-total stranger had suddenly come to her rescue. She had no idea what she wanted to say, but she wanted to say something more than “Oh thanks for that.”

Luckily, though, her history class was good fun too.

She had finished reminding Mr. Neville of her particular circumstances and plopped down in a seat near the windows when she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

“ Ano… Lucy-san desu ka? [15] ”

It was a small, vaguely familiar girl with ruffled blue hair tucked behind an orangey-yellow headband sporting a hibiscus-patterned creamsicle-colored sundress. Judging by the Japanese inquiry, Lucy guessed she was probably in her last class.

“ Hai, sou desu. O-namae wa…? [16] ”

The girl smiled and swapped back to English. “I’m Levy, Levy McGarden. I saw you in Japanese a few seats behind me. It’s nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to meet you too!” Lucy returned the smile. Alright, finally making friends with some women. I swear there are way too many guys at this school.

“So… you’re a writer?” she asked.

Lucy looked at her quizzically and Levy pointed to her notebook. Lucy blushed as she realized it said “Drabbles and Drafts” in pink calligraphy on the front.

“Oh, yeah, um, a bit,” she replied sheepishly.

“Me too,” she giggled. “Well, sort of. I try, but I feel like I’m better at the reading than the writing.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re better than you think,” Lucy offered.

Levy blushed and looked away, rubbing the back of her head. “M-maybe you could proofread one of my shorts?”

Lucy blinked, a smile spreading across her face. She could definitely get along with this girl. She nodded enthusiastically, and Levy squealed in delight.

Just then, Mr. Neville started his lecture and their conversation was cut short. As the lecture went on, Lucy felt a paper slide up next to her arm from behind. It was a note card that had a number scrawled on it with “tomodachi ni narou![17]” penciled in cute hiragana underneath. She couldn’t help but smile over her shoulder at Levy and nod enthusiastically. Hiding her phone beneath her desk she punched in the new number, added Levy’s name, and texted her a quick “yorokonde![18]”

There was a loud ding and Levy squeaked. Mr. Neville halted his lecture and gave her a hard look.

“S-sorry!” she stammered, pulling out her phone and frantically turning down the sound.

He sighed. “Just the first day and the plague is already among us…”

Lucy glanced apologetically at Levy’s tomato-red face. She waved her off, sinking into her seat.

Mr. Neville’s lecture was dull and unimportant. He was mostly talking about himself, turning what he claimed was going to be a short introduction into a rambling mess of actuallys and half-finished ideas. She decided to fill the time with texting her newfound friend – whose notification sound was now turned off. They exchanged sarcastic comments about the lecture and made terrible puns, giggling profusely behind their hands. Levy was witty and quick to the punch, typing out eloquent satires of the teacher’s lecture as if she’d been thinking about it for days.

“ Actually,” one text read, “it wasn’t until my great grandfather actually passed away that I actually became interested in history, actually . Actually it was then that I actually realized I don’t actually have any idea what the word actually actually means, which is actually sad because he was actually an author, actually , and I actually disappoint him actually every day with how little I actually know about actually speaking English, actually .”

Lucy almost cried as she replied, “ Actually, he’s not actually so bad, actually. He actually knows how to actually spell the word actually, actually. ” Levy choked on her laugh. Mr. Neville had just written “ Don’t forget tonight’s reading, actually” on the board.

“Class dismissed, actually,” he said as the bell rang. Levy and Lucy gathered up their things as they shook with giggles. Once outside the door, they burst out laughing.

“That was so fun!” Levy squealed.

“ Actually ,” Lucy giggled, “it was the most fun I’ve actually had all day.”

Levy laughed again, then lit up with a great idea. “Lucy, you should come sit with me and my friends at lunch!”

Lucy’s smile dropped a bit. “I was planning on sitting with Natsu…” she mumbled.

“Oh, perfect!” she chimed. Lucy blinked in surprise. “He sits at the same table! I didn’t know you guys knew each other.”

Lucy’s smile perked back up and she slyly replied, “ Actually, I just met him yesterday.”

Levy snickered at the joke, but inquired more seriously, “We’re not pulling you away from your other friends, are we?”

“Actually- whoops, I used it seriously this time – I just transferred to Magnolia this year.”

Levy gasped. “What? You’re new? I never would have guessed you fit in so perfectly already!”

Lucy laughed out loud at that. If this daring look she had pulled together today was “fitting in perfectly”, she knew now for sure that this was the right school.

They parted ways happily, promising more texts and exchanges of manuscripts. Levy was a breath of fresh air in a school seemingly filled to the brim with hyperactive, overly-attractive boys. That hyperactivity was particularly apparent in her next class. She discovered that not only did she have gym with Natsu, but also with Gray, and the more open atmosphere quickly transformed their insult duels into all out brawls. They weren’t the only idiots who ran amuck either. Another Asian-looking boy with white hair was intermittently sliding into the brawl to quickly trip Gray before scampering off, and two of the guys from her Japanese class were trying (and failing horribly) to land a hit on a particularly scary-looking metalhead. The most annoying was the beefy kid who punched at everything shouting “OTOKO DA![19]” at the top of his lungs. She had no idea what they were supposed to be doing, and it seemed Coach Coco didn’t either.

After class she left the locker room in a huff. Part of her admitted the chaos was somewhat amusing, but even with meeting Levy her fury at what Bora had done wasn’t far away. She hadn’t seen him at all today, and she hadn’t gotten to properly talk to Natsu, and she still had to get that signature from Director Dreyar. At least now it was lunch. Perhaps after she ate, she could track down Gray or maybe that Loke kid and have them take her to the right classroom.

---

Natsu sprinted out of the locker room, whacking Elfman on the back of the head and laughing as the burly teen shouted, “ Otoko janee yo! [20] ” after him. He shoved the doors open gleefully and grinned as he saw what he was looking for.

“Yo! Luce!” he called. She turned her head and what had been an irritated scowl melted into a pleasant smile. She gave a slight wave as he caught up with her and fell into stride.

“You’re gonna sit with me at lunch again today, right?” His blood was still pumping from the intense brawl he’d had with Gray and it made it very difficult to hide his enthusiasm. Then again, why should he hide it? Lucy was as badass as you could get, and he was ecstatic that he’d managed to befriend her before any of the other trashy cliques could hog her attention. She’d make an excellent sparring partner, or workout buddy, or sound booth assistant, or-

“That was the plan!” she chimed, cutting off his train of thought. “Levy sits at your table too, right?”

“Oh you met Levy?” he laughed, “Yeah she’s there too. Don’t plan on sitting next to her though – Jet and Droy always sit by her.”

“Well that’s too bad for them – I’m claiming newbie privileges. I’m going to sit right between you and Levy and they’ll just have to deal with it.”

Natsu gazed at her in awe and amusement as they made their way to the cafeteria. She noticed his look as they got into the lunch line.

“What?” she said, irritated.

Natsu shook his head. “You’re weird.”

Her mouth dropped open and she shoved his arm. “Am not!”

“Sure are!” he chuckled. “I mean most girls would stay home for a week after what went down last night, but here you are, at school, spunky and fiery and spewing all sorts of weird ideas.”

She shrugged, furrowing her brow. “Well how else was I supposed to get back at that jerk for spiking my drink? I had to come to school! I have to rub his nose in it!”

“Too bad he’s locked up at the police station,” Natsu grinned proudly.

“What?!” she shouted. The freshman in front of her gave a start.

“Jeez, Luce,” Natsu laughed, “Didn’t you read the note I left? I called the cops the second I got there. I’m flattered you think I could take down a whole house full of perverts, but that fake Salamander and his cronies aren’t coming back to school any time soon.”

Lucy got really quiet as she picked up her tray, and Natsu wondered if he said something wrong before he heard her small voice.

“Thank you, Natsu,” she said softly, “for getting me out of there.”

The gratitude her voice exuded wasn’t lost on him. The light smile, the glance at his eyes… how scared she had been, and how relieved she was now, came through clearly. A familiar feeling bubbled up in his chest – a sort of mix of protectiveness, chivalry, and care.

“You’re welcome, Luce,” he said back, offering a gentle smile. He hoped it communicated that he knew all she was trying to convey. Then he perked up and nudged her elbow with his own. “Besides, I couldn’t let some twisted sicko ruin the good name of Salamander!”

Lucy chuckled as she began picking fruit cups out of the bins that sat on the counter. He frowned as she took one of each.

“Whatcha doin?” he puzzled.

“Hm?”

He gestured to her tray. “There’s no way you can eat all of that.”

She tsked at him and gave him a sly smile, motioning to the lunch lady that she’d take the salad instead of the chicken fried steak. He returned a quizzical look, holding out his tray for a scoop of potatoes on top of his hunk of meat. When they’d gotten out of the line, she spoke.

“Natsu, you know you shouldn’t talk about the cafeteria black market in front of the lunch ladies!”

His confusion slowly turned into a grin as she giggled profusely.

“You mean…?”

“Just show me where you sit, dummy,” she jested. He quickly obliged, leading her across the room to a table near the exterior doors. This girl is awesome!

“Lu-chan!” Levy waved at them, quickly shoving Jet out of his seat with a thud.

“Hey!” he whined. Droy sniggered from his seat on the other side of Levy. Natsu helped Jet get up off the floor, giving him a smug grin.

“I told you before you sat down that I was saving this seat!” she said, exasperated. “Now she’s here, so shoo!”

Jet mumbled, walking around to sit across from Levy as Lucy took the seat. Natsu plopped down next to her, clattering his tray on the tabletop.

Lucy looked around the table at all the empty chairs. “Is it just you four usually?”

“Oh, no,” Levy giggled, “We’re just the first ones here today. There’s a bunch more of us.”

“OI! ASH-FOR-BRAINS!”

There he is. Lucy jumped at the exclamation, making Natsu snicker internally. On the outside, however, he put on his best look of apathy and slung his gaze over his shoulder.

“What, snow queen? I already built a snowman with you today.”

Gray slammed his lunch onto the table and dropped into his seat before smacking Natsu on the back of the head. “We’ve already had two classes with this gal and you still haven’t introduced us!”

“Aww why do I have to introduce you?” Natsu whined, smirking, “You can speak English, can’t you?”

Lucy giggled and reached a hand behind him towards Gray. “I’m Lucy. Yoroshiku ne. [21] ”

Gray took her hand and shook. “Nice to meet you, too.” He shot a self-satisfied look at Natsu, who rolled his eyes. Oh look, the snowflake can speak!

Jet perked up at the introduction, pushing up the sleeve of his purple button-up as he leaned across the table. “Lucy-san, na? You’re in Japanese with us, right?” He also stuck out a hand. “Jet Sarasuke.”

“And I’m Droy Darrow!” Droy chimed in from behind Levy, accidentally spilling gravy on his mustard-yellow T-shirt. Natsu sniggered as he tried to scoop up the smear with his free hand, rubbing the creamy sauce deeper into the fabric.

“You should be more careful, Droy. Spilling like that makes us look sloppy.” A scarlet-haired senior wearing a silver blouse took the seat across from Natsu. “Erza, Erza Scarlet. Douzo yoroshiku. [22] ”

“Er-za?” Lucy said tentatively, checking that she said it right.

“ Ehr-za ,” Erza replied. “Like the first part of ‘error’.” She’s an error, Natsu thought. Erza glanced at him suddenly, and chills pricked down his spine. “It’s okay, even Jellal got it wrong.”

“Who is this Jellal you speak of?” a blue-haired boy bearing an intricate scarlet tattoo over his right eye said, taking a seat next to Erza. Ah, the man himself.

“ You , ya prick.” A wavy-haired brunette took the seat across from Droy. She took a swig of an energy drink and slapped it on the table before looking to Lucy. “Cana Alberona. You’re Lucy? Nice boobs.”

Natsu laughed out loud as Lucy’s face turned a shade to rival his hair.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jellal cut in indignantly, “I am the sage Mystogan.” Lucy looked thoroughly confused when a white-haired beauty took the seat next to him. Natsu grinned widely as the voluptuous senior joined the table.

“Don’t mind Jellal, sweetie,” she said, smiling brightly at Lucy, “I’m Mirajane, and this goofball is a method actor.”

“A what?”

“A method actor,” Levy piped up, “They’re actors who completely embrace their roles so they can give a top-notch performance.”

“And Jellal’s the best,” Erza stated, a smile twitching at her lips. Jellal gave her a glare. “Mystogan! I meant Mystogan.”

“Yeah he is,” a gruff voice said, “ Totemo otoko da! [23] ”

Natsu looked over his shoulder to see the burly white-haired boy approaching the table, followed by dark-haired poncho-clad Alzack. Elfman took a seat next to Gray and Alzack plopped down next to Droy. Lucy smiled up at Elfman and introduced herself, him returning her handshake with a crushing grip. Alzack was too distracted by the approaching green-haired cowgirl to notice Lucy’s extended hand.

“Oooh AlBisssss I ship it!” Mirajane squealed. Natsu rolled his eyes and Lucy retracted her hand with a smirk.

Bisca blushed as she slid in next to Alzack. Lucy, satisfied with their introductions, began to move food from her tray to Natsu��s.

“Awww yus!” Natsu shouted, ruffling her hat. “Thanks Luce!”

“Oi oi what the heck?” Gray demanded. “Don’t give that fiery mouth breather extra, he’ll just ruin it with that damned tabasco!”

“Not like there’s much to be ruined…” Cana scoffed, picking at the pasta in her lunch box. “Wouldn’t eat that if they paid me.”

Natsu ignored the commentary and proceeded to whip a bottle of tabasco out of the pocket of his hoodie and slather it on his chicken fried steak. He never left home without the stuff. He’d have preferred to carry ghost peppers with him, of course, but they weren’t nearly as practical as a bottle of ready-made pour-it-out-on-anything tabasco. Gray moaned and pinched his nose shut.

“Wow, Natsu,” Lucy commented, “I didn’t take you for the spicy type.”

Several people at the table snickered, including himself. Lucy didn’t seem to notice.

“Eh? Matte… [24] ” Natsu mumbled, mouth full of his favorite spicy goodness, “ Loke wa doko? [25] ” He twisted around, searching the room. He spotted his ginger friend just leaving the line and waved to him enthusiastically. Loke started to wave but dropped his hand and his smile suddenly. Huh? Natsu watched in confusion as Loke made his way around the table, heading for the seat across from Bisca. Two sophomores from the next clique over took the two empty seats instead, leaving one seat – the one Natsu had expected him to go for – right across from Lucy. Loke stopped nervously, glancing around, before hesitantly taking the open seat.

“Loke?” Natsu puzzled, “ Doushitanda? [26] ”

Loke flinched, not looking up. “ Nandemo nai. [27] ”

Natsu glanced around the table. Lucy was chatting happily with Levy, Jet and Droy not taking their eyes off the bluenette. Jellal had better fallen into character as he ate his lunch in near silence while Mirajane and Elfman talked. Gray and Erza had started some conversation in Japanese that Natsu only caught pieces of. Cana complained loudly about some rule or another to a distracted Bisca and Alzack. Everything seemed pretty normal. It was this point where Loke usually would have started flirting with somebody. Instead, he ate in tense quiet and didn’t look up from his tray. Wonder what’s up. But now doesn’t seem the time – probs should just leave him be.

Natsu noticed Gray had left his lunch fairly unattended, and inspiration hit him like a brick to the head – sudden, forceful, and leaving an evil grin growing on his face like a nasty bruise.

---

“GAHH SON OF A-!”

The shout startled Lucy, bringing her conversation to a halt as she whipped her head around. Gray jumped up from the table as he shouted, sending his chair clattering backwards. Natsu laughed hysterically as Gray pawed at his tongue, eyes watering.

“You slanty-eyed fire ant! You ruined my strawberries!”

“Served you right!” Natsu wheezed, slapping his knee.

“For what?!” Gray yelled back.

“I dunno, for being stupid and having droopy eyes!”

Lucy initially laughed at the situation; the chaos was kinda fun sometimes, and it was a welcome distraction from the awkwardness emanating from the boy in front of her. Then Erza spoke up.

“You two better start behaving yourselves,” she hissed, “or neither of you will taste anything for a week.”

Both Natsu and Gray blanched, sitting down with an “aye sir!”

Lucy barely held in a chuckle. Her new-found friends were completely nuts, and she loved it. She could get used to these rambunctious weirdos. But lunch was half over and she still had things to do, so she shoved the last bite of her salad into her mouth and went to stand.

“Well,” she said, addressing the whole table, “You guys are a lot of fun, but I’ve got some things to do.” She glanced at Gray’s tray and found it was still mostly full of food. Probs should find someone else to take me to Director Dreyar. She looked at Loke, who must have become a stone statue based on how still he was. That won’t work either. Maybe Jellal…? As soon as the thought had entered it was gone again – Jellal was just a bit too creepy right now, and he might not even be a part of the school theatre troupe – he could be an independent actor. She sighed and continued her thought. “Does anyone know where I can find a member of the drama club?”

The whole table went silent, looking at her in shock, before bursting into raucous laughter.

“What?” she said, furrowing her brow. Did I say something?

“Lucy,” Natsu chuckled, clapping a hand on her back, “we’re all members of the drama club.”

The group continued laughing as her mouth dropped open.

“Did I not mention that, Lu-chan?” Levy giggled furiously.

“N-no, you didn’t,” Lucy stammered.

“Well now you know,” Cana declared. “Should have said when I first introduced myself.” She extended a hand again. “Cana Alberona, resident specialist in drunk characters.”

The widening of Lucy’s eyes further triggered another round of laughter at the table.

“W-what do to the rest of you do?” Lucy asked, blushing.

“I like writing scripts,” Levy sang, “but I can act a little too.”

“Jet and I specialize in stage fights,” Droy grinned, running a hand over his slick, dark hair.

“Me and Bisca build prop guns!” Alzack put in, glancing at a blushing Bisca.

“I don’t act much anymore,” Mirajane hummed, “I do more directing, but when I’m on stage I specialize in villains.”

“Oh yeah,” Natsu noted through a mouth full of mashed potatoes, “didn’t they call you the She-Devil?”

“Still do!” Elfman proudly proclaimed. “ Sore wa otoko da! [28] ”

Mira smiled sweetly. “I still think your anthros acting is better, Elfman.”

“Anthros acting?” Lucy asked.

“He plays animals or characters that are part animal,” Natsu explained, “Much cooler than ice freak over here, just building sets and playing shirtless guys.”

“Hey!” Gray shouted, starting to get up.

“Gray, Natsu,” Erza said calmly. They both blanched again and sat down.

“So what do you do, Erza?” Lucy inquired. Erza had just placed a large strawberry in her mouth, so it was Jellal who spoke.

“She does lots of costume work,” he beamed, “but working with her on stage is great. She’s really good, and I’ve never seen anybody do a quick-change as fast as she can.”

“Oh wow, that’s really cool!” Lucy grinned. Erza’s cheeks turned a light pink.

She glanced around the table, absorbing the new perspective of her friends before realizing something.

“Wait, Natsu, what do you do?”

“Me?” Natsu swallowed his bite of pear before giving her a huge, mischievous grin. “Pyrotechnics.”

Lucy’s jaw hit the floor. “Wait, what? ”

“Well yeah, that’s why my handle is Salamander.”

All the chatter she’d overheard yesterday came crashing into her. Fire tricks, special effects, pyrotechnics, tabasco… She tried to picture the pinkette doing some of the rumored stunts, and to her surprise, she had no trouble.

“ You’re Salamander?” she breathed.

Natsu frowned. “Is that hard to believe? That’s how I knew that party was no good – the faker was tarnishing my name. I thought I told you that.”

Lucy’s heart pounded as things started to click into place. “So you punching him in the face with a fireball wasn’t the drugs?!”

The table burst into laughter again.

“You went all flameo at the party?” Gray howled, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

“Just to intimidate,” Natsu said bluntly, “It’s not like the fire actually does much.”

Lucy smacked his arm. “You should have said something sooner! The only reason I went to that party was because I thought he was you!”

Natsu rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and mumbled a “sorry”.

“What do you need a drama club member for, Lu-chan?” Levy asked, wiping a tear from her smiling eyes.

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest, grumbling to Levy but still looking at Natsu. “I transferred here to do theatre, since they didn’t have it at my old school. I need someone to introduce me to Director Dreyar so I can get his signature for my schedule change. Too bad someone didn’t speak up after I blathered to them about my thespionage yesterday.”

“Oi oi I was eating then!” Natsu countered through a mouth full of tabasco-covered broccoli.

“That doesn’t seem to be stopping you now,” Gray put in, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes. Natsu smacked him lightly.

“It’s a bit late to go to his office now,” Levy said thoughtfully, “but I’m sure one of us could find you after 6th hour and bring you with. What class do you have then?”

“ Oretachi no eigo no kurasu da. [29] ” Natsu piped up, “with Mr. Melon.”

Levy let out a shriek of joy that made Loke fall out of his seat. “We have the same English class?! Oh Lu-chan this is going to be so fun!”

With that, Lucy’s rage against Bora was gone. So many things had gone gloriously right since waking up this morning. She’d made new friends, she’d remembered where all of her classes were – she’d even had a lot of fun. With a life like this, Bora just didn’t seem to matter anymore.

After the bell rang and everyone left for class, she discovered that Cana, Mirajane, and Erza were also in her Physics class right after lunch. That class hour had been amazing. Mira was as sweet as honey and Erza carried an older-sister sort of warmth. Cana was incredibly crass, but the three of them were kind and fun and absolutely what Lucy was looking for in her new life away from the estate. They exuded genuineness, and it was refreshing.

In her next period she found that, in addition to Natsu and Levy, she shared English with Jet, Droy, and Loke. That hour was just as rambunctious and fun as her morning classes had been. To her surprise – and relief – her anxiety about running from home had shrunk down to a trickle. The chaos was startlingly unpredictable, true, but the honesty of it all – Jet and Droy’s open argument over Levy’s affections, Natsu’s childish paper airplane crafting, Levy’s bubbly excitement over the subject at hand… This was only the second day and already she felt like she belonged.

The bell rang and Natsu sprang from his seat, hastily slinging his bag over his shoulder and rushing to Lucy’s desk. Before she’d even begun to put away her things he threw her messenger bag over his other shoulder, grabbed her notebook and her hand, and sprinted out the door.

“N-Natsu!” Lucy shouted, stumbling as his strong grip pulled her down the hall. “What are you-?”

“ Oretachi no kurabu wo hairitaindarou? [30] ” he said with a grin. Lucy’s eyes met his in the midst of the chaotic hallway. Time seemed to slow and joy welled up in her chest. She had only known this boy for two days, but the look in his eyes – as simple and happy as it was – told her she might as well be family.

She nodded, gripping his hand in return. What he said next reverberated familiarity through her heart.

“ Kouyou! [31] ”

---

[1] Well, let’s go.

[2] Don’t speak in Japanese, it’s hard to understand you.

[3] I'm not Japanese! It's not my fault!

[4] Yes, go ahead.

[5] Who are you?

[6] Sorry! I’m Lucy.

[7] I remember.

[8] Everyone, welcome! First, I will take roll. Please say ‘hai’.

[9] Wait, Sarusuke-san, why are you here?

[10] Mr. Fullbuster, go ahead.

[11] ~Nice to meet you.~ I’m Gray Fullbuster.

[12] ~Please accept my regards.~

[13] Um… ~Nice to meet you.~ I’m Juvia Lockser. My hometown is Kyoto.

[14] But, Juvia will do her best! ~Please accept my regards!~

[15] Um… are you Lucy?

[16] Yes, I am. Your name is…?

[17] Let’s be friends!

[18] ~I’d love to!~

[19] MAN!

[20] That is not man!

[21] Nice to meet you!

[22] Nice to meet you.

[23] Very man!

[24] Wait…

[25] Where’s Loke?

[26] What’s wrong?

[27] It’s nothing.

[28] It’s man!

[29] She’s got our English class.

[30] You want to join our club, don’t you?”

[31] ~Come on!~

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[thisdayinfavrd]

April 26, 2009

Bunch of prom-going kids at this restaurant. Looks like I won't be the only one having awkward, fumbling sex tonight.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 77

There's no hangover that sleep, ibuprofen, coffee, breakfast meats, pajamas, immobility, cats, animated superheroes, and regret can't cure.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 75

When you've seen some of the amazing things Twitter can do, you realize how hard Maureen Dowd can go fuck herself.   @Moltz (Moltz) – 72

Five days in, my haircut looks like the business end of a broom who's recently realized she's a lesbian.   @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 64

Me: "'Everything' is one word, right?"   Mom: "No, not everything, some things are two words."   @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 63

Because of the flu, professional soccer games in Mexico City will be played without any fans. Just like in the USA.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 62

Missing tweet #1616837505   @luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 60

I still prefer Maui's leis, but the black hoodie they gave me upon arrival in Portland is pretty sweet.   @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 59

Going to brunch in the same dress I wore to dinner last night. That used to mean something scandalous. Now it means I have to do laundry.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 57

At the supermarket and all I can think is soon... this will all be poop.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 57

I'm in the middle of an important writing project. Which is why I'm building a functioning C-3PO out of vacuum cleaner parts.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 56

Most urinal wall writing is total crap, but this guy is actually pretty good.   @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 56

Missing tweet #1621775137   @luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 53

There would be a lot less atheists if they offered communion donuts.  "Boston-Cream Body of Christ."  I'm hungry.   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 47

Shirtless/flabby/short shorts/butt crack running guy, I can't say I like what I saw, but I sincerely admire your zest for life.   @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 45

A cruise ship thwarted a pirate attack yesterday by firing back. Because you don't get between old people and buffets.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 45

"Anal sex."  "I'll take 'Things you never want to hear your mother say' for 500, Alex."   @FanEffingTastic (Kara) – 44

Gently down the stream.  That's how I row.   @lisarahmat (Lisa Rahmat) – 43

This gimmick where the Yankees let "two lucky fans" pitch middle relief is not working out.   @gruber (John Gruber) – 40

Back in Bogotá, altitude 9,000 feet. I just carried my bags up 2 flights of stairs. Now I'm panting like Rush Limbaugh in a Pilates class.   @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 39

[gamebird]

My brain is very busy this morning. Maybe writing will help me sort things out.

I have a headache. I haven’t been sleeping well. I read yesterday that’s a standard side effect for vaginal hysterectomy patients and takes 6-10 weeks to resolve. I’m at 3.5 weeks. :(  Also, I’m confused why vaginal hysterectomy patients have this as a known side effect but other forms of hysterectomy (laparoscopic, and whatever the fancy name is for cutting open your belly) don’t.

Oh well. I should take an ibuprofen but they’re in the other room and I haven’t gone in there yet.

There are flies everywhere. So many flies. Outside, mainly. Our cat has done a stellar job of killing the indoor flies and we’ve done okay at limiting their entry. But I found our ancient stash of flyswatters and think I’ll recruit the kids into mandatory fly-slaying. We put out fly poison crystals weeks back and have been refreshing them, and although there are plenty of dead flies, there are more live ones.

Today is my daughter’s 15th birthday. She had her party yesterday, so we had 5 extra teenagers here yelling at each other. They had a good time. Two of them were my sister’s daughter (?) and friend. At the beginning of the party, sister’s daughter said she was nonbinary she/they. Fine. About halfway through, they were trans he/him. Okay. Whatever. Friend was male throughout, though looked like born female and wearing a binder. But the pronouns were easy to keep track of with him because I didn’t have to change them halfway through, plus I’d never met them before so it wasn’t changing any past perception.

These two are 12. At 12, my daughter was telling me she was no longer asexual (as she had said she was at 11), but she still never ever wanted to have kids. I told her ‘yeah, cool, this is a fantastic entry point for me to tell you all about birth control’ which she didn’t want to hear but got anyway. Months later, she said she’d changed her mind and might want kids, but she didn’t want to ever be pregnant. We talked about adoption, blended families, mentorship, etc. When she was 13, she was a lesbian. When she was 14, she was bi. Some months back she decided she was pansexual.

Clearly, she’s going on a journey of figuring herself out. So here’s my sister’s kid, 12, figuring themselves out and (as far as I can tell) trying out being trans. Me: ‘Great, whatever, let me tell you about the rules for Spades!’ and we all had fun playing cards. My sister is (so far) adamantly against ‘that trans stuff’. I’m not sure how to tell her, as her little sister, that I think she should just back off, let it go, provide support, and let her kid figure themselves out. Maybe they won’t stay trans. Maybe they will. But fighting them on it is just going to make them double-down on the forbidden identity. I’m also not sure if I should wade in to her business and say anything at all. Some months back, my daughter noticed hers was self-harming/cutting and I reported that and it seemed to have gone well - she’s getting therapy and they’re more sensitive to pressures at school now.

That went well, but being trans is harmless. On the other hand, kid reports my sister fought with her over the trans stuff. I have no details, but I imagine my sister simply refusing to respect pronouns on a child she gave birth to and has raised as a girl for 12 years. There’s some, like, inertia there.

I’m tired and my head hurts.

I’ve been publishing a chapter a day on Integration recently, but as of today I’m out of completed, ready-to-publish chapters. The next one is half-done and then after that it’s yet to be written. I’d struggled with writer’s block last month until last week I finally trashed the 6-8 chapters I had and rewrote them, stealing only the bits I wanted to keep and tossing most of the plot included in them. I had a choice between kinky/ooc and less kinky/ic. My original version was kinky, but from the comments I had on the fic, that wasn’t the audience I had, plus it didn’t mesh well with the dozen non-kinky chapters the fic started with. Anyway, there will still be sex, possibly Andy/Booker/Nile threesome, but it’s going to be yet slower to get there as I take longer to maneuver all the characters into position. Also, getting Joe and Booker to be okay with each other is more involved than I initially thought.

We have plans of watching some European football game today. My boyfriend will root for England. I think I’ll root for Italy out of respect for Maneskin and Luca Marinelli.

Jeez, my head hurts. Okay folks, I’mma gonna go get an ibuprofen.

[kxlebcross]

[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha 

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor  in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

[greyzipupjacket]

Sapphic Tendencies/Seeing Red Pt. 3

Steven Universe

Pairing: Garnet/Rupphire

Pt. 1: It was Christmas

Pt. 2: Sapphic Tendencies

Pt. 3: Seeing Red

Ruby was speechless. For a moment, completely speechless. She just wanted to spend a day making Sapphire smile and laugh. She wanted to put on dumb Christmas sweaters and protest when Sapph insisted that Ruby looked cute in them. She wanted to kiss off Sapphire's inevitable whipped cream mustache and proclaim the superiority of marshmallows in hot chocolate. She wanted to pretend to be put out when Sapphire sent her away because the blue lady wanted to buy something, but spend the time stressing over what Sapph would like in some completely different store, and race to grab pretzels at the last moment because "oh yeah she asked me to get food!" She wanted to flirt in the Doctor Who section of Hot Topic, and make up some excuse for them to wash their hands at the same time in Bath and Body Works. She wanted to just be a teenager for a minute-- not a student, not an athlete, not anything but one half of a happy teenage lesbian couple. Then this bitch had to ruin it. Ruby, feeling frustrated tears build up behind her eyes, let go of Sapphire's hand and stepped closer to this chick. Sapphire let go reluctantly, and Ruby sized the woman up. Barbara the bitch was taller than Ruby was, but most people were. She had hair that had clearly been dyed blonde, a French manicure on her nails, the type of woman who'd ruin your life if you forgot to bring a third tray of brownies to a PTO meeting. Ruby could have easily taken her down a few notches. But could she with how angry she was? Ruby could get mad, yell at this woman, tell her how bigoted and rude and hypocritical she was. She could be the bigger gem, as she and Sapphire often were when their friends were being asses, and walk away, wishing this woman happy holidays. "We're always the bigger gem," Ruby thought, glancing back to Sapphire. Sapphire was watching her apprehensively and Ruby made a decision. She turned back to Barbara and let her frustrated tears fall. And then she choked on them, and her voice broke into sobs. "How-- how could yoU BE SO M-MEAN?" Ruby bawled. "It's ChrISTMAS!" Sapphire was instantly afraid. Ruby was emotional, of course, always. But anything more than her typical few frustrated tears was far from expected. In all the time she knew Ruby, Sapphire had never seen her cry outright like this. And especially not for something religious. All the same, there was Ruby, tears streaming down her face and sobs shaking through her core, in the middle of the mall. "Oh fuck," Sapphire thought, before stepping forward and putting a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "Rube, sweetie..." Sapphire trailed off, unsure of how to continue. Sapphire knew how to curb Ruby's anger. But her sadness was another thing altogether. Ruby almost smiled through her tears at Sapphire's sweet attempt. Ruby wasn't the type to sob in front of people. More so, after years of dealing with her own feelings, Ruby was the type to calm herself down fairly easily if emotions were running too high, so Sapphire had never needed to comfort her girlfriend through sobs like these before. But the blue girl's attempt was so sweet, Ruby almost let it work. But not before Barbara the bitch got what was coming to her. The woman looked confused as all hell, maybe even a little scared. But being just a little scared wouldn't do. No, crying like this would give Ruby a huge headache when it was all said and done. It had to be worth it. Sapphire thanked God when she saw this precious middle aged woman break through the quickly forming crowd. "What's wrong dear?" The lady asked, and Sapphire let her take up comforting the red girl. She felt her anxiety rise when she noticed a mall security guard step follow, but relaxed when she noted the concerned look he offered Ruby. "She--" Ruby choked out, "we were, and then, and then she-- and we-- and she said we were going to HELL." The officer quickly jumped the Salvo worker, and Ruby turned to hug Sapphire close. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Barbara the bitch was escorted out, and hid her smile in the crook of Sapphire's neck. The sweet little lady who had saved Sapphire from having to calm Ruby was still there, asking Sapphire if everything would be okay. "Yes, ma'am, thank you so much for your help. She's, well, she doesn't cry easy," Sapphire explained and Ruby choked back a little laugh which, thank goodness, resembled another sob. Immediately she felt Sapphire's hands go to Ruby's back, returning the embrace lightly. "Well, I'm so sorry this happened to you two sweeties," the motherly woman hummed, and opened her purse. "Hold on a second." She pulled out a little coupon and handed it to Sapphire. "Buy one get one at Cinnabon," she explained. "You two could use a little something warm." "Thank you so much, miss," Sapphire replied, taking it in her right hand, but being sure to keep her left on Ruby's back. "You're too kind." "Oh it's nothing," the woman replied, and patted Ruby on the shoulder. "You girls have a merry Christmas!" "'Ank you," Ruby called from behind Sapphire's shoulder. "Mawey Chistmas." The two sat at Cinnabon with their hot chocolates and a pile of napkins. Sapphire finally dug an ibuprofen out of her purse to ease the headache Ruby complained of when the crowd dissipated. "There you go," Sapphire smiled lightly, "that should help." Ruby took it down quickly, thankfully not burning her tongue on the hot cocoa. "Thanks," she smiled, wiping her mouth off with her sleeve before Sapphire could hand her a napkin. "You were so sweet, trying to comfort me there. You're so cute." "Thank you, but that was crazy. I don't think you cried that hard when Woofer died," Sapphire referenced the death of Ruby's dog a few years ago. "Oh, I cried a lot harder then. But not with you around." "Really?" "Yeah," Ruby smiled. "If I'd cried then with you around, it just would've made you feel bad. It wouldn't have gotten some Salvo bigot tossed out of the mall, feeling like the tiniest woman in the world." "Wait. What?" "I could've taken her on," Ruby smirked, taking a sip of her drink. "Would've avoided the headache. But it wouldn't have earned me the look on her face when the officer made her leave." Sapphire sat speechless for a minute, before laughing. "That is the most slytherin thing I have ever witnessed." "Hey hey now. Don't go throwing the S word around in front of a proud Gryffindor. . . Unless we're in hot topic and you see something you like." "You know I'm a ravenclaw," Sapphire replied, still chuckling. "Yeah, I do," Ruby smiled wide as the tiny whipped cream mustache that formed on Sapphire's lip. She leaned across the table to kiss it off, earning more giggles in the process. "There's my laughy Sapphy," Ruby grinned, relaxing back in her chair. She waited for her girlfriend to stop laughing before standing and offering the blue girl her hand. "Now, come on. Help me pick out a new sweater that you can steal next week." "Just don't get too scared by the mannequins." "Deal."

[dapperpunkass]

Personal. You genuinely don’t have to read.

Disclaimer: in this I’m talking about a lot of personal stuff semi-broadly but if you don’t want to you genuinely don’t need to read it. I just need somewhere to put my thoughts out loud. 

Yesterday was my birthday. My 25th birthday. Also the first birthday I have ever celebrated without my mother. 2018...has not been kind. To put it simply my mom passed away in January to her addiction, I had to withdraw from my dream school due to finance issues, began to fiercely question my gender and sexual identity, and some difficult personal romantic issues that really trashed my self worth. Not to forget my depression coming back with a roaring “Bet you thought you saw the last of me.” that I haven’t dealt with in 6 years. 

I recognize that not everyone who follows me knows me personally so this sounds like a whiny poor me post. In a way I guess it kind of is and kind of isn’t. I’m not typing this out for people to feel sorry for me. In fact most days I was always able to look at every day with a smile and a positive attitude. I have gone through every tough time in my life thinking if I can make one person smile or laugh or be their shoulder to cry on then everything would be okay. Because everyone’s emotions are valid and pain can’t be quantified and put on a scale so go ahead and cry your eyes out...except for me. I’m weak and selfish for being in pain. So I guess I’m putting this to words and out into the universe hoping to change that and with a lot of fear but also a lot of hope. Hope that by putting it out there and not hiding from my truths anymore than maybe I will truly begin to grow. 

I had a truly complicated complicated relationship with my mom. My parents met in out-patient rehab for prescription pill addiction and alcoholism. In fact most the people in my family have some type of addiction or other so I rarely touch an ibuprofen if I can help it. Despite that, and despite her demons and disease. She did love me. She just would have loved me more had I been an uber femme girly girl or a gay man. I’m also an only child (thank god because my parents should not have been parents.) So the microscope was always on me. She never wanted to let me have short hair or wear button ups or anything that would present me as a (insert lesbian slur here.)  And I know that’s not an unfounded statement because she would say it to me constantly. She was also constantly on me about my weight. I found a diary from when I was 11 talking about being on weightwatchers and how excited I was that I lost weight. I wasn’t an overweight child. She would bribe me with basic amenities or necessities with weightloss. No new phone even though yours is dead and I work nights and weekends and need to be able to get ahold of you in case of emergancy and your phone is dead until you lose 50 pounds. She was totally cool with me being Pan, in fact she found it kinda cool. But goodness she also judged me for it so hard. She used it as a “see I’m hip with the kids, don’t get on me about misgendering you random stranger my daughter is Pansexual!” And I recognize this shines my mother in a horrible light...as someone I should have taken out of my life years ago...but she was also my rock. She was often times the only person I had in my life. 

This birthday was especially hard because...I’ll admit my luck with my birthdays is spotty. Most of them just had no one showing up or me injuring myself to the point of not being able to celebrate. From friends attacking me to breaking my collarbone 2 days before. But no matter what she was always there with a poorly made cake with SO much buttercream frosting and a present I was too shy to ask for. She would be there for the late night snuggles even though she hated being touched and I am always touch starved. And despite being so mad that I lost her in the ways that I did...I’m happy she isn’t in pain anymore.

I have so many things to learn about myself now. So many questions of who I am. I go through these questions and I’m allowed to now...but I can’t talk about it on any type of public forum or any way in which it would get back to my family. Because I need them in my life still and while we are from a liberal state and city they have a lot of conservative ideals. So it’s hard because I’m getting so uncomfortable being referred to as She/Her but I can’t speak out. I’ve gotten kicked in the face with 25 years of hidden gender dysphoria and I’ve taken the steps...I got a binder and have been getting new clothes that make me feel me. But on the days that I have to take a binder break or hide how I’m feeling I literally can’t look in a mirror. What I think I’ve settled on is Genderfluid and it’s so wonderful to have a word to use but at the same time it sucks so hard I can’t use it. 

I’ve lost and gained in these last 7 months but I just...want to just be done. I want to wake up and be done with the days I don’t know if I can plaster another fake smile on my face and be the “happy smiley me” that everyone loves and misses. I just miss me. Even if the me I was before wasn’t really me. At least then I had my walls so well built I even had myself confused. I’ve also lost a lot of friends because of this and it sucks because I’m states away from my family and friends I’ve had my whole life and I feel my circle of people slowly just becoming...me. 

I know that’s never gonna happen because the one bright spot of this year has been my roommate who is more a brother and lifelong friend who genuinely is the reason I’m still around to post this dumb far too long rant that no one will probably read anyways. But I still feel so alone and I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like I’m pushing against the heaviest thickest almost set cement to move out of this place and I want to be better yesterday. 

To wrap this all up. I’m in a shitty place and if you know me and feel that I have ignored you or treated you badly then I am so sorry. I just don’t know how to be the me everyone expects anymore and I know it’s throwing everyone for a loop. I promise I’ll be better. I just don’t know when. But I will. That’s my promise to myself.