#let's do this lads I think this could be equally cute and hilarious

[starkid-innit]

Starkid Innit Friendship Bracelets

A PSA to everybody going to starkid innit, after hearing people’s thoughts the consensus on dress codes seems to be wear whatever you want and cosplay is encouraged

However I've also decided I'm going to officially declare project friendship bracelet a GO

(yes we are full on stealing this from the swifties but opportunities for a big UK starkid event don't come around very often and I'm determined to make the most of it)

So hopefully we'll get lots of people making cute (or unhinged) friendship bracelets and we can all share/trade them at the concert and it will all be very cute and please can we actually make this happen?

I'm counting on people to commit to this otherwise I'm going to feel like a right idiot, but it would be fantastic if loads of people got involved!

Also if you could help me to spread the word that'd be fab. I'll do my best but I have made a grand total of 20 tweets and 0 tiktoks in my time lol

Thanks for all your support, I can't wait to see what you all make, and I leave you with this inspiring image of this afternoon's creation:

[amysgoblinhorde]

The Anti-JK Rowling: Praise for TJ Klune

I am going to overshare. I do not apologise for this.

Way back in the mid 1990s, I was I young girl in school and I was badly suffering the years of harassment and abuse by my peers and also by the grown ups who should have cared for me. I was told I brought it on myself by being weird, I was told I was an attention seeker (yes, and can't you hear me cry for help?) and it was actually the lip curling disdain of the teachers that broke me the most.

I began to feel like maybe I did deserve it. I must have been so unpleasant, so hideous a person that others could see me for what I was and the universe itself was punishing me. I developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I kept checking mirrors to see if I could glimpse the monster, mocking myself whenever I thought I looked normal.

Anyway. It all came to a head in my third year, when I became admittedly a bit of an edgelord. I sucked in the darkness and screamed it out.

I was sent to a hospital school. This was a little tiny class of mixed ages for children who needed extra help. It was better here, I made friends - but I also learned a dark lesson here that no child should have to -

There is an appropriate face for trauma.

And I didn't have it. I was not the cute cancer kid. I was not the brave smiling little trooper. I was told by some of the staff in the hospital school that I didn't really belong there, I should consider myself lucky. One teacher said that those of us who were there for mental health issues were weak, we had failed. If we were braver we would be in a normal school.

I would have been 11 when the first Harry Potter book came out, though I didn't read any until sixth form college. I wanted to know what the fuss was about, a movie was being made.

I thought they were fun, as many did. But I can't pretend it didn't hammer an extra nail into my heart as it yet again told me that there was an acceptable face for trauma and it was not mine.

Harry Potter. He was written to be a good looking lad, sporty. Tragically dead parents that he didn't remember anything about. Suffered abuse, but it didn't break him in any inconvenient way. He was a tragically brave little hero with his friends the impossibly clever poster girl (who incidentally was very pretty when she wanted to be) and the token dweeb who appears to have mostly be written to prop up the other two.

Then we have Neville. His story was genuinely heartbreaking and yes it was addressed, but not really. His horrors are not something we talk about. Let's not go there, let's treat it like a dark embarrassing secret. But what a brave lad he is, standing up to his friends! Not for, you know, visiting his brain damaged parents and living with his abusive grandmother. No, no, it's the friends he stands up to. Brave silly Neville. Not the hero, of course. But isn't he brave?

And at last we come to TJ Klune. I read The House in the Cerulean Sea only recently. And wow. I laughed and cried in equal measure.

As with Harry Potter, we have a collection of magical youths, learning to navigate their powers as they grow. But the differences are diamond sharp, the focus instead on all the right things while still being joyful, fantastic and often hilarious.

How can this brilliant man get it so right in such a simple way? It's obvious, when you think about it.

All traumatised children matter.

There is no right face of trauma, least of all on a child, but hey let's not leave out the grown ups. At 40 years of age I thought I knew this, but I must have kept my younger self in a little cell in my mind (ahhh but she's different, she was a monster. We don't talk about her ...).

I was David. And I was Lucy. Why is it so much easier to forgive myself when I see myself as a yeti?

Children will lash out. Forgive yourself that. Children can be little weirdos, little balls of chaos and anger. That's okay. And no child's suffering should be ignored in favour of another, no matter what they look like or what they have done.

No child should be expected to be a poster boy hero, and no child should be chastised if they do not perform trauma right.

So yeah ... Thanks for reading until the end. And thanks to TJ Klune for making a 40 year old woman feel so many things, the strangest of all being forgiveness and acceptance of her 13 year old self.

Also, Chauncey is handsome as crap.

[solarheiress]

Literally all of the lovesquare is trash not just ladrien lmao

I personally don’t think of it as trash, but I appreciate your input?

Don’t get me wrong I do like the lovesquare, so these kind of messages kind of lose their impact on me. It’s more that, some ways they interact are better than others to me.

To sum up my opinion on the lovesquare dynamics and ranking them from best to nah here:

1) adrinette

2)marichat

3)ladynoir

4) that thing I’m trying not to accidentally put this post on the dash of people who like it. And am hoping that anon not blocking out the word won’t put it there if it does I’m sorry

I obviously prefer marichat more than tumblr does, everything else lines up and I still feel pretty vaild and plenty petty. If you want an explanation behind my reasoning, click below!

Starting with la/////drien, my point is that “cute flustered” bit never came through for me, I never liked it, they always just seemed awkward and distracted and the situation was uncomfortable. That side is my least favorite mostly because of two things.

1) how it started. As the show goes on, they’re obviously acknowledging that the other person involved has flaws, but at first they were really just putting the other person up on a pedestal and that mentally lasted a lot longer than I’m comfortable with. I’ve see the “all crushes are like that” argument going around and I just.... they aren’t? Maybe for the first little while, or, certain crushes, but it’s just weird to me in this case.

2) in this situation the masks actually bother me more. With lady noir, they’re both wearing masks and if I’m being honest that’s one step above lad////rien for me anyways, but, there is equal anonymity.

On the other hand, I think I like marichat because, in my opinion, adrien would f**k up the whole secret identity thing pretty fast in that scenario while Marinette wouldn’t? Or at least, adrien would do it sooner.

What I mean is that, in my opinion, Adrien’s behavior towards Marinette would change noticeabley and faster. I mean, we already saw this with evillustrator, the first thing he tried was asking her about his super self lmao? It’s going to take a lot for Marinette to be less flustered and awkward around Adrien, even being in her superhero persona didn’t really help all the way, plus secret identity keeping is really her thing at this point. Plus I believe they have a better chance of really getting to know the sides of one another that they don’t usually see. No awkward flustering or dumb distractions, they’re best buddies who know each other too well and can’t be best buddies at first and have to try very hard to not let on how well they know each other.

Adrien has to fight his way around not mentioning school and Marinette can’t remember their superheroing to well, friend running the ladyblog or not. Plus the whole concept of Adrien supporting Marinette’s crush on who he presumed is luka/Nathaniel/whoever is hilarious, and the chaos that would ensue if she followed Chat’s suggestions around Adrien would be hilarious too. (There’s an amazing fancomic where he comes across her upset after another failed confession and wants to know who the asshole is and she tells him and his brain stalls at “I’m the asshole?”) it’s just perfect to me lol.

But back to the masks! For one, whether you like it or not, they do act differently when they are and aren’t wearing them, specifically towards eachother! Marinette being so awkward and flustered almost solely around Adrien isn’t really her whole personality, it’s a consequence of her crush. When Adrien isn’t chat noir, he’s more.... well behaved and proper are the best words that come to mind. I’m not saying that these things aren’t apart of their personalities, but when the masks shift in certain ways they’re amplified in such a way that it sells the dichotomy perfectly. To Marinette, Chat is fun and goofy, and Adrien, although similar, is more reserved and polite. To Adrien, Marinette is shy, nervous and endearingly clumsy, with moments of confidence to be proud of while ladybug is confident and capable after a few bumps in the road. This does affect how they see the other person (ie, as two distinct people) and change how they act towards one another, as well as how they react to what they’ve perceived as a different person. Marinette obviously doesn’t fluster as easily and can be sarcastic and serious around Chat, and even though it isn’t quite as simple as I’m going to phrase it, Adrien is almost more... gentle, in the way he interacts with Marinette vs ladybug, almost like he’s seen her freak out so much that he feels a potential freak out is around the corner if he missteps.

(Back to Marichat lol) Another reason marichat bothers me less is that romance isn’t the goal from the outset. Befriending someone you don’t know a lot about is no big deal. Even though it’s a bit ironic for them, wanting to meet/befriend a superhero is a realistic goal for not hero people, and chat noir has interacted with Marinette a lot, so it’s not surprising he’d want to get to know her better. And they aren’t obsessed with dating/marrying each other, so they get to be goofy and also run the gambit of emotion when they realized they f**ked up and fell for each other by accident.

It’s simultaneously a cute friendship, a budding attraction towards one another and a somewhat stressful and unknowingly mutual game of cat and mouse as they’re both trying not to screw up identity stuff. With Lad///rien it’s just.... dramatic sigh and swooning nonsense.

(One last thing, the idea that chat noir would start paying more attention to where Marinette is and accidentally f**k up her chances for transformation by trying to make sure she’s safe is hilarious because unlike Adrien to ladybug, Marinette would appreciate the concern but start to get annoyed at some point and maybe even attempt to talk to him about it as ladybug, to get him to focus on fighting and not “some girl” which chat can easily misinterpret as jealous could you imagine)

Back to where we started, Ladr////ien just doesn’t work for me in a way that Marichat does. But beyond just the hero/civilian self sides, ladynoir works better in my opinion because again, equal anonymity, and second, Marinette would be consciously choosing chat noir instead of Adrien, not just getting an accidental 2 for 1 deal. I know they’d probably end up happy eventually, but I have a feeling that finding out Chat Noir, who ladybug turned down, kind of used the fact that she didn’t know his identity to date her anyways wouldn’t sit well with Marinette. And even though Marinette hasn’t really confessed, adrien might get the same feeling of, almost a betrayal in a sense.

(Marichat is also like ladynoir because they’re consciously choosing not ladybug and not Adrien, even though they get a surprise 2 for 1 anyways, and in that circumstance, finding out that they accidentally fell in love with the same person twice would probably smooth things over).

Adrienette will always be the part of the lovesquare that is the best because it’s.... it’s just them. It’s what the ship would be called if not for the secret identity complication. It’s probably where they’d pretty quickly land in the event of a reveal. Obviously, the dynamic would be something different if they revealed themselves, but in my opinion it’s also the most..... stable, I suppose, and equal, in the sense that, while, yes, they’re both hiding superhero secrets, I doubt they wouldn’t tell eachother eventually. They could meet each others friends and parents (if Gabriel didn’t suck so badly). It works in a way that ladynoir, lad////rien and even marichat doesn’t because even though they are hiding something from one another, it’s not a massive factor in how they interact. Ladynoir can’t happen without the constant reminder that they don’t even know each others names. Marinette would probably start to get frustrated with the idea that she’s dating Adrien but can’t hold his hand at school because she’s the wrong her. Adrien, well, as I said my theory is he’d flirt with Marinette by accident as himself rather than chat and complicate matters, but not like Marinette will “oh no two boys I like like me back what now”, instead she’d “two boys who like me look and act very similar and I’m starting to connect dots I’m not supposed to connect”

[the-witch-and-her-husbands]

Red Light

(Author’s note: cut for length)

Jil sighed, leaning back against the sofa as she took a huge swig from the bottle of cheap red wine that she had brought with her. A dull red light shone down on her from above, making everything look slightly hellish and surreal.

Why had she let her friend drag her along to one of these parties? Said so-called ‘friend’ was now nowhere to be seen. She’d copped off with the first bloke who had looked in her general direction and was most likely getting her brains shagged out in the master bedroom at that very moment.

Nearly everyone had paired off by that point of the evening. Jil squinted, scanning the room to see if anyone else was still around. Her eye fell on a young lad she knew, a fellow art student. Albert? No, she knew that wasn’t right. Alan. That’s what he was called. Alan.

‘Hey, Alan.’ She smiled, crooking a finger from the hand that was wrapped round the neck of her bottle in a sort of greeting.

‘Hey.’ He smiled widely, but made no further move in her direction from where he was sitting.

She got up from her seat to plonk herself next to him on the floor, glad for someone friendly to speak to. They’d worked on a few projects together, and he seemed like a nice enough lad, though painfully quiet at times.

‘I hate these parties,’ she giggled. ‘Drink?’ She offered him the bottle.

He took it gratefully, necking it to the point where wine was dribbling out of the corners of his mouth.

‘Careful. Don’t waste it,’ she smirked, reaching up to gently brush the remnants away before sticking the wine-covered fingers in her own mouth. Waste not, want not.

He sat goggling at her.

‘What?’ She giggled again. Now halfway through the bottle, everything was beginning to seem hilarious. Hilarious and slightly strange, thanks to that damned red light bulb overhead.

‘You’re gorgeous.’ The words appeared to tumble out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them. He stared at her, clearly mortified.

‘You’re cute.’ She smiled, passing him the bottle again, which he eagerly took. ‘Do you come to these sorts of parties often?’

‘Yeah. But I never usually enjoyed myself. Until now.’ He hung his head. Was he blushing? Difficult to say, at the moment. It was too adorable for words. She leant over to kiss him on the cheek. After a long silence, he finally spoke. ‘I really liked working with you. In class, I mean.’

‘Me too.’ She meant the words sincerely. He seemed to have a real talent for art, that was for certain. Plus he was wickedly funny, when he allowed that bit of himself to be seen.

‘Did you really?’ He looked at her, clearly confused.

‘Yes. Really.’ She drained the last of the bottle and tossed it aside. ‘Did you bring anything?’ He held up his own offering, a bottle of equally cheap and nasty red. ‘Perfect! Hand it over!’ She grinned, holding out a delicate hand.

By the time they’d gotten through most of it, he’d loosened up considerably, to the point he was now sitting on the sofa with her sitting on the floor, arms draped over his legs, smiling up at him. It was nothing to her, she was outgoing and tactile, always wanting to hug and cuddle her close friends. It felt natural, to be touching him in this way. Like something she had always done since time immemorial.

They’d been giggling over the misfortune of a student who had spilled paint on his own freshly completed project the week before, when Alan suddenly stared at her intently. ‘Yes?’ She smiled.

‘I care about you,’ he blurted out, looking shocked at his own admission.

‘Oh.’ She patted his leg, still smiling. ‘I care about you, too.’ Was it the wine talking?

‘No!’ He shook his head violently. ‘I mean, I really really care about you.’ It sounded like he was slurring the words, slightly. He slid out from under her arms, manoeuvring himself until he was sitting next to her on the floor once again. ‘I mean…you make me hap…happy.’

He hugged her then, but before she even had a chance to react he’d pulled back with a look of fear. Clearly, he was afraid he’d gone too far.

‘Oh, Alan.’ She reached out with a wide smile, wrapping her arms around him to pull him close to her. Hopefully, this would show him that his attentions weren’t exactly unwelcome. He was cute. And very sweet. She could do a lot worse.

‘Willyougooutwithmesometime?’ He said the words so quickly she wasn’t entirely certain what he’d said, at first. ‘Go out with me? Please? I want to hang…hang out with you. We can go to the park. A walk somewhere. An art gallery, maybe. Something like that. Please?’

‘Of course.’ She’d pulled back to look at him while he was speaking, but now she tugged him close for another hug. ‘I’d like that.’

He held her tightly. After a long moment, they both released the hug, looking intently at each other, faces inches apart. She tilted her head, invitingly. He was seemingly frozen, just looking at her.

Ah. Perhaps he really was that shy. ‘Would you like to kiss me?’ She smiled warmly.

He took a deep breath. ‘Of course.’ Hesitantly, he leant forward to press his lips to hers gently. She kissed him back with as much feeling as she could muster. It seemed surreal, kissing someone for the first time in this sort of scenario, but they were classmates. It wasn’t like she was kissing a total stranger, after all.

After a few moments, he broke the kiss, pulling away from her gently.

‘Are you okay?’ She frowned, concerned. Maybe she’d gotten the signals wrong?

‘Yes.’ He gave her a beaming smile, which seemed to transform his whole face. He really did look gorgeous when he smiled like that. ‘Yes, I really liked it,’ he admitted shyly. With that little proclamation out of the way, he picked up her hand and held it.

‘I really really want you,’ he continued. ‘From the moment I first saw you in class. You tossed your hair, your beautiful blonde hair, darling, over your shoulder like a waterfall, while staring at your canvas. And I fell in love.’ He ducked his head, looking down at his lap.

‘Oh, Alan.’ That had to be the sweetest thing that anyone had said to her, ever. ‘I want you too…’ She found that she wasn’t just saying it back to be polite, or as not to hurt his feelings. It dawned on her that she could feel something stirring, when she looked at him. Really LOOKED at him, his floppy hair and his hazel eyes. Oh, she could fall hard for this boy.

‘What are we going to do about that?’ He sounded like he could barely stop his voice from shaking as he asked her the question. She could feel his hand trembling like a sparrow in hers.

‘Well.’ She smiled at him. ‘How about dating? Maybe we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. In time.’ She gave the shaking hand a reassuring squeeze.

‘Yes.’ His voice was so low she could barely hear him. Was he blushing again? So difficult to say. She wished they were somewhere, anywhere, else, but perhaps the atmosphere was adding to the magic of the moment. ‘Jil. Do you…do you believe in soul mates?’

She looked up at him, surprised at his sudden question. ‘Yes,’ she answered immediately and honestly. ‘Yes, yes I do.’ She had been shocked into speaking from the heart, rather than giving a considered answer.

He seemed content with that, allowing himself to relax slightly once more. He still had a grip on her hand, seemingly reluctant to let go.

They drank in companionable silence for awhile. Soon, she’d gotten brave enough to climb into his lap and they were sharing kisses and caresses along with the wine.

‘I think you’re really sexy.’ She smiled, playing with his hair.

‘You really think so?’ He swallowed. She could see the movement of his throat.

‘Yes. I think you’re cute.’ She beamed, leaning forward to kiss his nose.

‘I think you’re very pretty,’ he mumbled. ‘And hot. Very hot. And absolutely sexy.’

‘Aww. You are sweet.’ She giggled, nuzzling her cheek against his. God, please don’t let it be the wine talking. I really like this boy….

‘I’m glad you were in my class.’ She turned to look at him. He was speaking so quietly she wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard him until he spoke again. ‘I’m glad you’re in my life.’

‘I’m glad you’re in my life too.’ She gave him a slight squeeze.

‘I’ll always be in your life.’ Dear Lord, how much had he had to drink?! Would he remember any of this come the morning?

‘Well. I’ll always be in yours.’ She shook her head, smiling.

‘You make me so very happy.’ He closed his eyes and kissed her cheek, causing her to hug him in response. ‘I love you!’ The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, in seeming reaction to her embrace. It had to be the wine.

‘Yes. You too.’ She touched his cheek with affection.

He shook his head. ‘You really mean the world for me. And I mean it. I love you, Jil.’

‘I love you too, Alan.’ Maybe he meant it. Time would tell.

Seemingly contented with her answer, he rested his head on her shoulder.

She sat and held him in the dim lounge, adjusting so she could press a kiss to his forehead.

Time would tell. She would see what the future held in the morning.

For now, she was content to hold him in her arms.

[catfishandthebottlefan]

#5 - When We Were Young

A/N - So this is a super-cute, fluffy story, kinda told as a flashback. Basically, you and Van are getting married, and the Catfish boys decide it’d be hilarious to play an interview Van gave when he was dating you as part of their speech, and some other funny memories. Plus a twist at the end. Enjoy the read! :) ~ A x

The ceremony had been amazing, to say the least. You knew you wanted to walk down the aisle to She Moves In Her Own Way, but who knew that Van would get The Kooks (yes, the real band) to play it for you? And, God, did he look sexy in a suit. Now, you sit at the main table, next to your husband, listening to the wedding speeches. You had heard your mum, Van’s mum, and your maid of honour make their speeches, and now was time for the most important - the best man’s speech. Well, the best mens’ speech, as Van had decided to make Larry, Bondy, Benji and Bob best men. He said it was cruel to choose one of them.

“Aight lids, gee’s a cheer for the happy couple then!” Larry calls, standing up.

Van looks at you, and whispers in your ear.

“He does know it’s not a concert, right?”

Surprisingly, the guests all cheer, rejoicing in yours and Van’s happy day.

“Okay, so as we’re all so important to Van the man here,” Larry continues, “This speech is from all of us.”

Bondy stands up.

“We’re not gonna say anything too sappy or tear-jerking. Well, we’ll try not to. But we know that these pair of lids have known each other since they were fourteen, and been together since they were nineteen, so thats...”

“Twelve years.” Bob takes over, then blushes, “Sorry, we’d be all day if we let him do the maths.”

Everyone chuckles. They seem to be listening intently to the ‘speech’.

“Thank you, Bob,” Bondy rolls his eyes, “Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was just saying how these two clearly love each other. How someone can put up with Van for longer than twelve minutes impresses me, so twelve years is quite spectacular, in my opinion.”

Benji now continues the speech.

“Y/N is one of the most cheerful people I’ve ever met. She always puts a smile on my face and knows exactly what to say when someone’s feeling down. I know she’s been our mate Van’s rock, and she shares all of our passion for the band and the music.”

“But we all know how truly besotted Van is by Y/N,” Bondy continues, a twinkle in his eye, “And I think this video here shows us the true extent of his love for her-”

Van stands up hastily.

“Johnny Bond, if that is a sex tape, I will-” he interjects, loudly, before you grab his arm and pull him ferociously back into his seat.

Once again, the whole reception erupts into laughter.

You didn’t know there was a projector in here. A young Van appears on screen - he perhaps looks about 20, judging by the long hair. He sits in front of a Radio 1 backdrop, holding a microphone. You don’t remember ever seeing this interview, but you’ve seen so many it perhaps faded into the background. 

You turn to Van to see his face turning bright red.

“What is this?” you ask, curiously.

“Fuck’s sake, man.” he mutters, his nose wrinkling with a hint of laughter.

The video begins to play.

Interviewer: So, you’ve recently been signed to Communion Records, how do you feel about that?

Van: Man, it’s fucking amazing. To see all our graft finally paying off, it’s well worth it- Ah! Oh my God!

The whole room explodes into laughter as the young Van falls backwards off the stool, it landing on top of him.

Van (laughing): Oh, shit, that’s embarrassing. My girlfriend’s gonna think I’m a right tool. 

He pulls the stool back up and repositions himself, laughing.

“Don’t worry, Van, she already does.” You intend to whisper but most of the room hears.

Interviewer: Ah, your girlfriend! Tell us about the women in your life, then.

Van: Well, she’s the only one apart from me mum!

The interviewer laughs.

Van (continuing): Y/N. She’s so fucking amazing. Honestly, you’ll never meet a girl like her. She’s so beautiful, the way her eyes sparkle, it’s amazing man. And her nose always wrinkles when she laughs, oh, and she hates the way she blushes when she has to speak to strangers, or when I hug her, but I love it so much. She’s so smart as well. You know what she’s studying? Microbiology. I don’t even know what that is! But she’s so clever, she’s always studying, so focused. Like, when I got the cold a few weeks ago, she knew the name of the virus and where it was from and I was just like, babe, how do you even know that? And-

Interviewer (chuckles): So, you clearly love her a lot then. So, your new album, The Balcony-

Van: Love her? There’s this line from this Oasis song, Lyla, probably my favourite song to be honest. It says ‘she’s the queen of everything I’ve seen' and, like, that sums it all up to be honest. It’s like, she’s the one, like I’ve never seem someone so beautiful. She’s the best, like the best thing on the planet. That’s how I feel about Y/N.

Interviewer: So did you take much inspiration from Oasis when writing the album, then?

Van: No, they’re all my own words, well I’ve nicked a few lyrics and guitar riffs here and there, but it’s pretty much mine. I dedicated the whole album to Y/N, because most of the songs are about her, like Business is about that one time I went to her flat and her mates were there, and-

Interviewer: Let’s talk about the tour, then - when are you and the band leaving? 

Van: Well it starts in-

Van’s phone rings loudly.

Van: Oh, shit, am I allowed to get this? It’s me girlfriend, she’s doing her second year uni exams, she’s calling to tell me how she got on--

Interviewer (clearly exasperated by Van’s constant chat about his girlfriend): Yes. Get it.

Van (smiling): Y/N, how are you, sweetheart?

The screen fades to black. The whole reception claps and laughter is heard, mainly from Van’s family.

Bob stands up.

“And that is the story of how Van’s obsession with Y/N managed to piss BBC Radio 1 off.”

Everyone claps again.

“We’re not finished yet, lads!” Larry announces, “This is a video Bondy took of that time Van and Y/N thought they could sneak us into Leeds Festival when we were fifteen!”

A new video appears on screen. You notice the grainy quality, remembering that it was probably recorded on a Blackberry. 

Y/N (looking straight at the camera): Okay, so this is how you sneak into a festival. So we’re at the back of the site, and there’s nobody really around, so all you’ve got to do is get the attention of some festival-goers.

Van (at a random couple walking past): Oy, mate! You couldn’t help us out could you?

The group of you are ignored by the couple. Bondy pans the camera to show Benji and Bob in peals of laughter.

Y/N (undeterred): So if that doesn’t work, you just get another passerby. Mate! Come over here!

You are, once again, ignored. 

Bondy (from behind the camera): You’re a pair of wankers. I told you it wouldn’t work.

Van: Fuck this. I’m jumping the fence.

The shaky video shows Van take a long run up, and attempt to leap over the 6 foot wire fence. He doesn’t quite make the jump, and in comical fashion, he rebounds from the fence, clutching his groin. 

Van (in pain): Me crown jewels! Piss off with that camera, Bondy!

Bondy is losing his shit from behind the camera, and the video shakes again - the only sound being heard is the whole group’s laughter at Van rolling around on the ground.

Benji: Guys, quick! Oh shit, run!

The camera turns swiftly to behind you all. The first couple are back, but this time, with a security guard. The last clip on the video is your face looking slightly worried, as you sprint away, and the footage bluntly turns off.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is why you do not listen to Van and Y/N if they tell you they can sneak you into a festival!” Bob announces.

The whole reception, including you and Van, are in hysterics.

“Okay, quieten down, everyone, there’s just one thing left to say.” Bondy shouts over everyone.

The laughter turns to murmurs, and, after a few seconds, the hall is pretty much silent.

“You guys really are a great couple,” Larry says, “Y/N, you’ve been as good a mate to me as Van, and you’re great company at rehearsals. It gets lonely, it really does!”

You chuckle.

“There’s one last surprise for you guys, and hopefully you’ll appreciate it more than the last one.” Larry announces, sincerely.

He swiftly turns on his heel, and points at a black curtain which nobody had noticed before now. On cue, the curtain falls, and the opening guitar riff of When You Were Young by The Killers fills the whole room.

You stand up, gobsmacked.

“Larry, you didn’t!” 

Van looks equally as surprised as you do.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Brandon Flowers and The Killers!” Larry announces.

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save your from your old ways” Brandon belts into the mic.

You clutch Van’s hand and look into his eyes excitedly. Like a young child, Van pulls you up from your seat and whisks you onto the dance floor. 

“Larry, how did you even manage to do this?” he says, ecstatically.

“Don’t thank only me, thank the boys,” he replies, “All our paychecks funded this!”

You grin in sheer glee as everyone cheers and starts dancing. Not only were you marrying Van McCann, but the real Kooks and The Killers were at your wedding!

It was all your wildest dreams come true.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

xenoblade chronicles  2 rapidfire review

π after i started writing up a 5000 word review and was still on the “character” section ive decided to make a rapidfire version to get to the fucking point. 

Story - at the end of the day, it’s a tale about how to deal with all the pain and insecurity that life throws at you. how to dig down deep and find a way to continue in what you may interpret as a dreadful world. it also has some of the most satisfying mysteries and plot resolutions i’ve ever seen in a videogame. utterly touching themes. unfortunately gets a bit too shonen at points especially with the protagonist. also quite possibly a lowkey harem anime.  

Story rating - 8 out of 10.   

Characters -  mostly all amazing in the english version. 

Rex - a top lad. your best mate. however, becomes a total flawless gary stu pretty quickly. better than many protagonists out there. i like the way he gets people to open up by acting so casually friendly around them. 7 out of 10.

Pyra - unfortunately the weakest character in the main cast. has 3 forms that are treated as different characters for some reason, and no emotions beyond “sad” and “in love with rex”. her mythra form is a slightly better character who will talk to other cast members and sass down people. however mythra also comes across as weak and overly emotionally fragile at times, considering she is supposed to be the Master Blade. i suspect she exists for rex to have 4 3 girlfriends at once.   

Azurda -  dragon grandpa. subversive in that when he dies for the hero to move on from the homeland, he immediately resurrects himself as a cute furry thing that sleeps in rex’s helmet. best videogame decision ever. gives top advice.

Nia - welsh. double furry. how old is she? 6? most useful NPC. swears a hell of a lot. hilarious sassmaster with an intriguing story and well-rounded motivations. consistently interesting relationships with other cast members up to the end of the game. even remains the same after receiving her compulsory magical girl transformation. has the most awesome magical girl transformation. gives the main villain super cancer, causing him to blow up like harry potter’s aunt. probably the best character. lightly orbits the black hole of the rex harem, struggling to maintain geostational stability against the powers of fanservice.  

Dromarch - a good dad cat. there is not a lot else to say about dromarch, except that you can ride him, which is badass. he and azurda are the old dad types babysitting the kids. 

Tora - meh meh. actually likable mechanic child. why is this furry cat thing a key member of my party. despite rarely ever upgrading his blade he has made me basically immortal many times. nopon mask is underrated. masterpon is same at start of game as at end of game. that is to say he is an ambitious child, and a bit of a pervert. however, has terrible taste in upgrades. has many IRL blades pointed at him.  

Poppi - poppi artificial blade who speak like masterpon. poppi α has cool design. poppi α adorable and cool. due to being newborn blade, poppi have refreshing and truthful view on world. poppi have tragic artificial sister who almost die terribly after evil nopon brainwash!  poppi have most sad heartbreaking scene at end of game. however, poppi QT and poppi QT π designs can die in big fire.  poppi good at throwing shade. it endearing and special trait. 

Morag - technically the group normie. however, very weird. when you first see morag she reeks of pure chilled badassery. logical and with a strong sense of justice and compassion, morag starts off as an intimidating antivillain but becomes a staple member of the party. even though rex and the gang are fugitives in her city, she lets them leave because she senses they weren’t crooked ruffians and they had a purpose of their own. but she comes back to kick their ass when she thinks they’re causing more trouble, and is actually quite pissed off about rex and pyra holding back on her. has a sweet relationship with the emporer, her distant cousin/adoptive kid brother. morag learns on her adventure the value of the optimistic views the kids  around her have of the world, and says multiple times if more people thought like they did, maybe there wouldn’t be so much political nonsense  stopping people from living together peacefully. morag has a lot of pride and cannot deal with being oneupped. i love her.

Brighid - Morag’s wife blade who is one of many that struggles with the thought of losing her identity after regenning. has a diary of her past lives. uses it to taunt mythra about that one time she kicked her ass. pretends to be a little distant but low key super emotionally invested in the cast’s development. literally asked a main villain if she was like her past self that he knew, causing him to reconsider his entire philosophy on blades becoming completely different people when they’re reborn. bitchslaps rex that one time. Owns everybody at some point. such a beautiful character design that i never even noticed her chest is basically bare. 

shellhead Zeke - the prince... of NOTHING. wishes he was still a student. that one time he nearly died, he was probably impaled by a falling twig. enjoyed playing Team Rocket. surprisingly wise for a teenlike NEET. does not look after his precious turtle. potentially does have a thunder powered eye. however, definitely requires second contact lens. unfortunately not comparable to rex in combat especially as his Luck stat means using a legendary crystal on him is like throwing it away. 

Pandoria - i often forget pandoria is a blade because she is zeke’s girlfriend, also i never use her in battle due to his redundentness. well reknowned for also not looking after turtles properly. also well reknowned for slam dunking the prince over his nonsense while being equally silly.  

BAD GUYS

Jin - apparently has special people-drawing trait that makes all the good cast who know him shocked he is ordering such evil bastard things to happen. not entirely sure what that trait is. emo about much bad stuff that happen to him and his driver. wishes to never forget his life with his driver. dirty child killer.very aniime. why is he the only flesh eater whose core turns red?  okay character with decent enough motivation. was confused as to why Malos was following him until the very end. 

Malos - evil bastard. cheesy villain. you can kick his ass many times and he will get back up 3 minutes later and laugh at you while swallowing back the bile of a bitter defeat. is actually a little tragic by the end of the game. dies for no reason. makes morag jealous because he found his purpose in life, though im not sure what that is.  

Akhos - N3RD. probably the most likable member of Torna. had a silly Blade companion who he was really upset died. i like how he was sentimental about his ‘sister’ blade. 

Patroka - most forgettable Torna member. a little bit tsundere. 

Mikhail - grew on me significantly at the end though like Akhos and Patroka his backstory was unceremoniously dumped on your lap at the last second. must be a great fan of Prince Zeke as he’s heard of the term Blade Eater. also why has Mikhail got awesome blade powers and immortality when Zeke hasnt? maybe Mikhail is “possessing” the blade per se.  

Amalthus - emo bitch. stared God in the face and raised his middle finger. hypocritically creates flesh eaters then sends witch hunts out for them. i like that he reminded himself every day about how bad humanity was by doing his best to help people. so despite the praetor being this “benevolent” figure he had somehow manifested a being of pure hatred. 

Theres a lot of other people I cant be assed talking about right now.

Character rating - 9 out of 10. Even though some important characters arent as impactful as they should be, everybody is memorable and I can remember all of their damn names and backstories.  

Gameplay - not particularly amazing. battles are alright, RPG-wise, with orb breaking combos and cancelling being fun to use. but they’re highly limited by the fact you can only control 1 character at a time and there is no Co-op feature. they also take an incredibly long time, even for just one enemy encounter, and there can be unfair Spike damage moves that oneshot you. my most satisfying moment battling ever was when i was fighting Aeon, the final boss, and got a Full break for the first time... I decimated the fucker when he was at 60% health. 

Of course, those are just the battle mechanics. 

The game is full of complex mechanics that do nothing but add tedium. Every single quest in the game forces you to farm for certain “collectibles”, plants that grow in specific unlisted locations that respawn when you fast travel. Many character “affinity” upgrades, which can lock out certain areas of the map, special skills, or unique interactions, also require you to do this shit. A guide is NECESSARY for this.  There’s also the Merc Missions. Little did you know, you will need to complete Merc Missions to reach the end of many blade quests!!!you know what’s FUN? Waiting for a timer to pass after 25 fucking minutes!!!! this game has NO RESPECT FOR YOUR TIME WHATSOEVER. 

the biggest bullshit of all is when you’re locked out of the main story because a specific character on your team hasn’t unlocked level 3 of a specific skill, because there’s no way that you’d be able to unlock that by naturally playing the game as you have to go out of your way to fill the criteria and grind something or other for 20 minutes. 

This makes sidequests absolutely worthless.

The saving grace for the gameplay is probably the customizability of the blades themselves. Not so much the skills you can attach to each blade, but that you can unlock a number of fun characters to use, and they will have their own unique dialogue. The drivers and blades talking during battle also makes a 20 minute fight feel a lot quicker. 

Battle gameplay mechanics: 6 out of 10. Fun but could be better.  Sidequests, crafting, and field skill mechanics : 1 out of 10. Worthless trash that should never have been greenlit. 

Considering that you will be spending so much time on the gameplay, why even bother playing the game at all?

It’s very much the story that pushes the player to move onwards. If this game didn’t have such a fun cast and meaningful plot then I’d probably not have gotten past the first act. 

Music and Environments - Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is filled with vast, beautiful and diverse environments. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of interactivity with them other than killing monsters or foraging those bloody collectibles, but they’re beautiful enough with a diverse range of monster inhabitants that give them life. The MUSIC is godlike. My favourite track in the game would be the song used for the city in Tantal. Very ominous and beautiful hymn, sung in English. 

Music and environment rating - 8 out of 10.

Localisation - While many sneer at the localisation choices for this game I thought it brought it to life. Granted I have great bias as being a Welsh girl who is familiar with the differences in UK regional dialect, but it felt like the dialogue the characters were saying also had a heavy makeover to fit the new voices... I really don’t believe that Rex’s Japanese voice actor also sounded like a Top Lad, or that Nia’s japanese voice actor sounded as much like she was ready for a valleys bar fight.  However there are some clear obstacles as well - the characters seemed to have no idea of the context of their lines. This is obvious when they shout something for a long time. Rex’s “HIYAAAAAAAAH” and Nia’s “NOOOO MOOOOORE” sound comically off-tone when they are supposed to be epic. It’s the works of someone who read those lines off a script without knowing what was going on. Tora’s actor saying “meh meh” sounds like it was meant to be a COMPLETELY different noise. Morag and Zeke never go off-course, however. I think either they had an advantage with more visuals being completed by the time they were cast, or they just don’t have diverse enough dialogue in the game for it to have been an issue.

Localisation - 7.8/10 too much Meh. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Xenoblade chronicles 2 is a highly addictive game that pulls you to the finish line with an interesting plot and a cast you just can’t let go of. While Pyra is certainly the weakest link of the characters, and the game has some extremely goofy shonen scenes that it’s hard to take seriously, and oh dear me that’s an awful lot of boob shots, I had a lot of fun powering through it. I’m going to have a tough time letting go of this story and these characters. 

Unfortunately the gameplay itself is not similarly addictive, and becomes more of a chore for you to get to the next cutscene or funny interaction.

Final rating - 6.5 out of 10. While a worthwhile experience, the greatest story in the world cannot save this game from piss-standard design choices. It is probably better to spend your time on a game that doesn’t have anti-fun mechanics. But I’d be hard pressed if any had a cast that touched your hearts quite like that of Xenoblade Chronicles 2. 

[sdmn-edits]

1-200

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t actually have a crush anymore😂😂199: I was born in: June198: I am really: weird197: My cellphone company is: Vodafone - it works where i go on holiday so it does me just fine 😂196: My eye color is: it changes - like sometimes its blue, green, grey and a mixture of blue and green - it’s weird .195: My shoe size is: 3 or 4 (5 at a push)194: My ring size is: I’ve never actually had it measured so idk 😂😂193: My height is: 5ft 5 - I’m growing lads!!!192: I am allergic to: waterproof plasters, bee/wasp stings (only mildly though - like i won’t die but just turn into a massive red ball), some soaps, most makeups, chalk and face paint.191: My 1st car was: I can’t even drive yet 😂😂190: My 1st job was: I don’t know if you would class this as a job but for my work experience, I worked at a cafe for two weeks. 189: Last book you read: Jane Eyre (one of my faves)188: My bed is: single - like me😉😂187: My pet: (s) two cats, (which my mum named) one called Mike and the other called Matt. I also have a pony called William (Billy for short)186: My best friend: @paigexxixo @sdmn-md @minibaeminter @wroetoredman @line-sidemen @mintersmini @wroetojill and a girl from irl called Catherine - i couldn’t choose one so have a few of my faves185: My favorite shampoo is: John Frieda Frizz Ease184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 cos I haven’t played XBox183: Piggy banks are: expensive bacon182: In my pockets: by Morrie (who kinda sounds like Marzia which is kinda scary?)181: On my calendar: is my exams😂180: Marriage is: okay? I haven’t had my wedding yet so I don’t know?179: Spongebob can: dance the best.178: My mom: likes to name animals weird names. 😂177: The last three songs I bought were? A candle, some chocolates and a shock absorber.176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSAeOhCrv_s175: How many cousins do you have? About 14 give or take 😂 174: Do you have any siblings? One - my sister (she’s 17 - 2 years older than me)173: Are your parents divorced? Nope.172: Are you taller than your mom? I’m the same height maybe a lil smaller 😂 171: Do you play an instrument? Not currently, no. But I can play the drums, recorder and piano/keyboard (not perfectly but alright)170: What did you do yesterday? I played in two tournaments and had a back massage.[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Idk 😂😂 168: Luck: Yeah I guess.167: Fate: Yeah. 166: Yourself: Mm not all the time 😂😂 165: Aliens: Yeah.164: Heaven: Yeah.163: Hell: Yeah.162: God: Yeah definitely.161: Horoscopes: Some.160: Soul mates: I guess? 😂 159: Ghosts: Yeah.158: Gay Marriage: YES! UNFOLLOW ME AS I DO NOT CARE, I BELIEVE IN EVERYONE HAS RIGHTS TO MARRY WHO THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT FIGHT ME IF YOU WANT!!157: War: Definitely not! 156: Orbs: Yeah I guess?155: Magic: Some 😂 [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither - I don’t do either of them.152: Phone or Online: Depends.151: Red heads or Black haired: Both are equally as cute150: Blondes or Brunettes: Both are equally as cute149: Hot or cold: Warm.148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: AUTUMN! IT’S THE BEST SEASON EVER!!!!!!!146: Chocolate or vanilla: Both together cos I’m a weirdo like that 😂😂 145: Night or Day: Night - I love looking at the stars tho I do like to cloud watch from time to time144: Oranges or Apples: Apples.143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight142: McDonalds or Burger King: Maccy D’s all the way😂😂 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Not really a fan of chocolate if I’m honest 😂😂 140: Mac or PC: PC for generic stuff, Mac for editing139: Flip flops or high heals: Neither.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich so I can give money to charity etc137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Either, I don’t care I’ll be dead 😂134: Singing or Dancing: Neither 😂😂133: Coach or Chanel: ??132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??131: Small town or Big city: Both130: Wal-Mart or Target: Neither 😂😂129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both are hilarious 😂128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 😂127: East Coast or West Coast: ??126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Both?125: Chocolate or Flowers: FLOWERS!!124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY!!123: Yankees or Red Sox: ??[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: shouldn’t be a thing.121: George Bush: needs to grow up.120: Gay Marriage: I FULLY SUPPORT IT - UNFOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT!119: The presidential election: irdk? I don’t watch it.118: Abortion: it’s people’s choice117: MySpace: ??116: Reality TV: don’t watch it115: Parents: some do a lot more than others to provide for the kiddas114: Back stabbers: fuck you, ain’t nobody stabbing me in the back113: Ebay: it’s cool, you literally can get anything and everything off of it112: Facebook: it’s okay?111: Work: as in job? do what you wanna do, not what your mum or dad says.110: My Neighbors: very funny. 109: Gas Prices: you make my grades jealous - going up.108: Designer Clothes: i don’t really where designer 😂😂107: College: i like the look of the one I’m intending to go106: Sports: I LOVE THEM (except netball, benchball and basketball - please don’t hate me, i’m just short and i struggle 😂😂)105: My family: they are okay, just fam really.104: The future:i don’t tend to think much of it, i just let it happen 😂😂[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: like 10 mins ago102: Last time you ate: like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A guy called Daniel (I didn’t see him until last week but I didn’t see him since November)100: Cried in front of someone: Idk 😂 99: Went to a movie theater: Last year - to watch Finding Dory98: Took a vacation: idk 😂 97: Swam in a pool: last year 😂 96: Changed a diaper: never 😂 95: Got my nails done: last august for a wedding - never again94: Went to a wedding: the same wedding 93: Broke a bone: two years ago 92: Got a peircing: two years ago91: Broke the law: never 😂 90: Texted: half an hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: lots of people 😂😂 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed 😂 87: The last movie I saw: Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 - Ik i’m a kid at heart, don’t judge 😂 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: leaving school85: The thing im not looking forward to: my exams and tomorrow84: People call me: lodes of shit, I ain’t gonna name ‘em all but some people know what they say.83: The most difficult thing to do is: waking up in a morning82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Mike - the cat but if we talking about people - my dad 😂😂 79: First time you had a crush: 3 years ago78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: nobody, i’m very open 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk 😂😂 76: Right now I am talking to: @paigexxixo  about bridge to terabithia 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully a graphics designer74: I have/will get a job: hopefully soon73: Tomorrow: school72: Today: sleep71: Next Summer: be fit70: Next Weekend: hopefully ask one of my friends from tennis their details69: I have these pets: cats and pony68: The worst sound in the world: nails dragging on chalk board, people smacking lips, people clicking pens, people shouting, people crying, people laughing, gun shots, explosions etc67: The person that makes me cry the most is: nobody 😂😂 66: People that make you happy: I could list forever65: Last time I cried: earlier - i was watching a vid of these boys crying and it just gets to me64: My friends are: lodes of people - most i have listed before63: My computer is: an acer62: My School: ??61: My Car: Audi A3 2010 model 1.6l?60: I lose all respect for people who: are homophobic, transphobic etc, people who hurt animals and people etc59: The movie I cried at was: ?? 58: Your hair color is: blonde57: TV shows you watch: that 70′s show, merlin, sherlock, heartland, doctor who, phineas and ferb, spongebob, tom and jerry, loony tunes56: Favorite web site: idk 😂😂 55: Your dream vacation: Guernsey, Jersey, Rome or Geneva54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i either broke my arm,  or when i fell off a horse and dislocated my knee and cracked two of my ribs or when i fell off a different horse and almost broke my back53: How do you like your steak cooked: i don’t eat meat or fish 😂😂 52: My room is: 8 year old me’s bad desicion51: My favorite celebrity is: Johnny Depp50: Where would you like to be: some place else49: Do you want children: not particularly48: Ever been in love: nope47: Who’s your best friend: lodes of people46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: people44: One person that you wish you could see right now: @paigexxixo or @sdmn-md43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope 😂 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nope 😂 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope😂 40: Last person I got mad at: *people: Looserpool 39: I would like to move to: either Guernsey, Jersey or Geneva38: I wish I was a professional: tennis player or sleeper 😂 [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Caramac36: Vehicle: Car (Tesla Model S P100D)35: President: Obama34: State visited: none - I’ve never left England33: Cellphone provider: Vodafone32: Athlete: Jessica Ennis-Hill31: Actor: Johnny Depp/Leo DiCaprio/Patrick Stewart30: Actress: Emma Stone29: Singer: ??28: Band: ??27: Clothing store: ??26: Grocery store: ??25: TV show: I have lodes24: Movie: I have lodes23: Website: I have lodes22: Animal: I love them all21: Theme park: I’ve only ever been to Flamingo Land20: Holiday: Yorkshire Dales or Whitby19: Sport to watch: Football (Soccer)18: Sport to play: Tennis17: Magazine: ??16: Book: Either Jane Eyre or I Capture The Castle15: Day of the week: Saturday14: Beach: idk 😂😂 13: Concert attended: I’ve never been to one 😂 12: Thing to cook: I like to cook all sorts 😂 11: Food: I like all sorts 😂 10: Restaurant: ??9: Radio station: ??8: Yankee candle scent: idk 😂 7: Perfume: idk 😂 6: Flower: Rose, Lily or blossom5: Color: Red or black4: Talk show host: ??3: Comedian: Michael McIntyre, Jack Whitehall, Peter Kay or Russell Howard2: Dog breed: Border Collie1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes!!!!

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/11-new-films-coming-to-netflix-in-august-that-are-brilliantly-weird-iconic/

11 New Films Coming To Netflix In August That Are Brilliantly Weird & Iconic

With this insane heatwave still blazing, there is a lot to be said for staying in the cooler and more shady safety of your own home. It’s gotten so hot that literally nobody would judge you for staying inside in your pants watching telly (and nor should they ever judge you for that). But maybe you have already rinsed your Netflix account? Well, if you have, good news is that there are lots of new films coming to Netflix this August Thank goodness, I hear y’all squeal.

I’m pleased to report that Netflix has its usual blend of classics, oldies, newbies, guilty pleasures, and ones you could watch a thousand times over on the menu. This means that I for one will be one happy (if incredibly sweaty) bunny this August. Who’s with me?

Oh. Did someone say stick your phone on do not disturb and get some very much needed you time? Yep, it was me. Do it immediately because the latest selection of cinematic delights is going to make sure that this August is going to be pretty awesome for nights in. So all you need now is some extra cold drinks, a fan, a TV/laptop/tablet, and some peace and quiet to get down with the movies.

Here are my top picks of the new films coming to Netflix in August. Enjoy.

1‘Pride And Prejudice’

Movieclips Classic Trailers on YouTube

This film version of arguably Jane Austen’s best known novel was a mega hit when it came out in 2005. Keira Knightley plays an uber independent, intelligent, and sassy Elizabeth Bennet. Lots of lovely costumes and beautiful scenery takes you away to a time when it wasn’t how many insta likes you had that mattered. Instead, it was a time when women were expected to mind their Ps and Qs, but our Lizzie just did what the eff she wanted. What she wanted is of course was a certain Mr Darcy who is super conveniently rich, so all’s well that ends well.

This story just never gets old and this version is so great and makes you feel all sappy and gross but you know you love it.

2‘Bridget Jones’s Baby’

Universal Pictures on YouTube

The third instalment in the Bridget Jones series sees cute as pie, lovable twit, and huge pants wearing Jones going onto the next phase of her life; motherhood. Gulp.

With a love life as torrid as can be and a seemingly endless supply of ridiculously handsome suitors at her disposal, our Bridge isn’t doing too badly now is she? However, when two romantic dalliances occur within close proximity of each other and a pregnancy test proves positive, the race is on to find out who her baby daddy is. The race is also on to see if her and her very own Darcy (hello Pride And Prejudice) end up happily ever after.

3‘Meet The Blacks’

Movieclips Trailers on YouTube

Meet The Blacks is a parody comedy about a dystopian America, where an annual 12 hours of complete lawlessness takes place.

It is the story of the blacks, an African American family who have fled a life of crime in Chicago to a largely white neighbourhood in Beverly Hills. Unfortunately they move just in time for the annual purge and their house is invaded by several masked assailants.

Lots of hilarity ensues in this dark comedy, that hits the guilty pleasure quota 100 percent.

4‘Ouija’

Movieclips Trailers on YouTube

Feel like scaring the bejesus out of yourself this summer? Well you’re in luck.

Ouija tells the story of a young gal who finds a ouija board in her house and does the right thing and chooses to play with it with her mates on Halloween. Nice one, mate. Eye roll.

It’s super jumpy and will have you covering your eyes but also, like any good horror film, leave you wondering why these people are so flipping dumb.

5‘Last Vegas’

Movieclips Trailers on YouTube

Four legends of the silver screen come together for this film about four older men having a bit of a youth renaissance. Starring Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, Robert De Niro, and Kevin Kline, the lads plan an outrageous stag do for Douglas’ character Billy ahead of his marriage to a woman half his age.

The film features them as young guys too, with genius edits to them as children throughout the film which is super charming.

Think The Hangover meets Grumpy Old Men and you got it.

6‘Selfie From Hell’

New Trailer Buzz on YouTube

Another creepy AF film, this movie sounds super silly and guess what, maybe the concept is, but this movie knows that and does a great job of being silly but pillow-grabbingly terrifying too.

The idea is a bit sort of like The Ring in that it is relating to a craze which people are warned not to do, but do anyway because people in horror films are so dumb I can’t even.

This film is based on a two minute Youtube video that went viral and will literally leave you with chills.

I’ve said too much already.

7‘Bad Moms’

STX Entertainment on YouTube

Bad Moms is basically the antidote to all those laugh out loud funny films about guys having a wild time. This movie sees mums getting to go and be wild as well.

This film shows the ridiculous pressures a lot of mums are under to be perfect and make sure everything their children do and digest is exactly right. When three mums crack, the craic ensues.

Lots of shots being imbibed and really fun parties that you kind of wish you were at, as well as a perfect self-righteous mum played by Christina Applegate means this is one for us gals.

8‘The Secret Life Of Pets’

Illumination on YouTube

Who doesn’t love computer animated films? And who doesn’t love pets? Bingo; this film ticks both boxes. One to watch with your pets because let’s be honest, they are the best movie dates.

The Secret Life Of Pets is one of those heart-warming, funny films that will actually leave you wondering what your pets are up to while you’re out and about.

Starring an insane number of mega stars including Lake Bell, Ellie Kemper, Steve Coogan, and SNL alums Dana Carvey and Jenny Slate, this one will have you rolling on the floor laughing but also looking suspiciously at your pets for days.

9‘Public Schooled’

TRAILER CITY on YouTube

Made in Canada, this movie is the story of a home schooled teenage boy who sees what actual high school is like after visiting one for an exam. He spies a girl who he really fancies and in that moment, chooses to flunk his exam so he can get into her school and get the girl.

Judy Greer gets well deserved pride of place in this film about an over protective mother struggling to let go of her son but also encouraging him to rebel, with her guidance and support.

It is super funny, heart-warming, and will have you laughing and saying “aww” in equal measure.

10‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’

Movieclips Classic Trailers on YouTube

Movie classic and one you could watch over and over, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is about the adventures of a flying car brought back to life by the wonderfully eccentric widowed inventor Caractacus Potts after his children Jemima and Jeremy beg him to.

Starring Dick Van Dyke, this family fave is up there with Mary Poppins in terms of classic status. Special note for the still incredibly creepy bad guy, The Child Snatcher, who still makes my skin crawl.

11‘The Party’

Madman Films on YouTube

It’s not often you see a modern film made entirely in black and white but this cinematic treat is everything you want from a British comedy.

It tells the story of a politician, promoted within his party who reveals an enormous secret to close friends who have gathered to celebrate his nod.

Hilarity ensues in this black comedy with each character revealing shocking truths and the party turning into an hilarious disaster.

A must see for fans of dark British humour, starring an array of acting legends including the very dishy Cillian Murphy and British legend Timothy Spall.

With options like this, I can’t wait for July to end so I can get down to ingesting some brilliant films. Thanks Netflix. We love you.

Source: https://www.bustle.com/p/11-new-films-coming-to-netflix-in-august-that-are-brilliantly-weird-iconic-9891556