#let’s just say. thank god i did that

[shuckstruck]

saw some horrors this weekend that changed me fundamentally i think

AND- the horrors aside- my mom accidentally left the gate open and my black lab puppy took off for nearly two hours this afternoon. we drive all around town looking for him and couldn’t find him fucking anywhere. eventually we got a call and got him. we almost drove right by him cause he stood so stock still when he saw our car that i thought he was one of those tacky lawn ornaments ppl put out of animal silhouettes lmao

[almondpiglet]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST REIGEN!!

everyone thanks you for entering their lives :')

[royaltea000]

YO! Being a drawing, what’s there to be afraid of!

[whalehouse1]

Co-worker who knows that I’m a nerd, “What are your plans for the 4th?”

Me, trying my best to figure out how to explain that the Thunder Saga is dropping for Epic, “Uh, well, YouTube is going to have a premiere for something I’m excited about.”

“Oh? What’s premiering?”

Me, literally stumbling over my words, trying to figure out how to explain Epic.

Him, “It’s something nerdy isn’t it?”

Me, “Yeah, so some guy seemingly got a hyper fixation on the Odyssey during Covid and decided to make a musical about it in parts, and the part with one of my favorite Greek monsters is this one.”

Him, confused cause he 100% was not expecting that type of answer, “Well, I hope it’s good.”

[lunar-wandering]

do y'all think Macaque is falling back into the role that Azure and the others put on him by remaining on the outskirts of the group because he thinks his input/presence is unwanted (and yeah his presence isn't really wanted by MK and the others BUT. something about the fact Macaque is placing himself at the edge of the group, the edge that Azure and the others pushed him to, doesn't really sit well)

[jeeaark]

Final Showdown pt 1

Final Showdown pt 2.

So the key to becoming a lil more chill with the patch 0 Orpheus ending is realizing what I can get away with off camera. Brain fell down and nobody saw how we landed? No Emps in sight? Who knows long it took to regroup? One reasonable patch 0 ending where everyone lives coming up.

and I would've been content with this ending too if it weren't for those meddling patches.

Felt validated about the artifact solution though when the epilogue came out. As if Greygold wouldn't keep that lil doo-hickey after all this, practically a bag of holding for people.

Had to jump some logic hoops for Orph though. Don't think Greygold would be willing to risk any potential confrontation with Orpheus about Emps after this. Try and pull their first Squid Trick on him. But uh. Turns out! Orph Buddy's got mad wisdom. Dude has probably seen every Squid Trick in the book. Although. Not so silly as Greygold's attempts.

[shkika]

Since my wrist is killing me and I can't draw, have my ramblings about machines having souls and being able to become husks and also just Ultrakill thoughts! Predictions about the ending if you squint??

im just having fun here

Like I'm so deranged about how machines being intelligent and actually conscious is handled in Ultrakill. The build-up, even if accidental(?), is SO SO CLEVER and gradual (as gradual as ultrakill can get). How that fits into the overall narrative and how the tragedy of this game manages to be so awesome??

First with how I love the way "Machines are living beings" idea is handled. It starts from the introduction and establishes the world so well in so few words it's so lovely. You get introduced to the machines as war weapons. They need blood to survive and humanity has been eradicated. That's all you need to know.

You start with the basic information that these machines don't want to die. Which makes sense, it doesn't have to mean they are actually alive. It makes sense a machine would look for any way possible to keep itself running to continue doing it's job.

And then immediately in the prelude you meet the Swordsmachine. A part of a specific group of machines the terminal calls "scrapheads" which modify their own bodies. While at first that does not ring as anything that's especially noteworthy. A machine trying to upgrade itself is nothing unheard of. It's to be better, stronger, more efficient.

Except that's not exactly what the Swordmachine design is about according to the game. It is mentioned to have very impressive combat prowess compared to other machines, however what it is also referred to as is "beautiful". The design is appreciated almost like a piece of art. And some of it's parts don't even wield a practical purpose, the mentioned example being it's voice box.

It is not ONLY about utility. It is also about art!!

Alright. That's interesting. Let's give an even more outrageous example. Skipping Limbo for now, there is lust where we are introduced to Mindflayers. Which?? Are so wild??? And mysterious? We don't know what and when they were made for (ALTHOUGH I VERY MUCH HAVE HEADCANONS ABOUT IT) their bodies are described as completely seperate and useless to the machine. And yet it is stated they act very lovingly and take care of their bodies. So much so in fact that they SELF-DESTRUCT if it is harmed.

V2 in the first fight is a rival to you as any other machine, however once it's arm is stripped away from V1 the confrontation becomes PERSONAL. The second fight is not simply about the lack of resources anymore. It is to reclaim what was lost. Whether that be the arm or something else. Even the very terminal entry itself calls it revenge.

And of course. With Violence it is revealed that with all of this. Machines can also make other forms of art like poetry. Which is even more interesting is that the machine which did that was first EVER machine to use blood mind you. An extremely old design, yet it could make art to express it's feelings.

Machines are capable of modifying, changing, expressing and LOVING themselves. They make art and some are frequently seen attacking you in groups! Those are clearly intelligent beings. And I mean. Duh. everyone playing Ultrakill knows that. Obviously. Like. Yeah.

So then why isn't the fact that these walking weapons probably have souls more discussed? What makes a soul? Why would machines not have them? If they can do all that people can on an emotional level.

And what happens when these machines die? What exactly is stopping them from ending up hell? Obviously heaven is unobtainable. Their very reason for existence, is to cause pain and suffering. The means through which they need to keep themselves alive is to cause suffering. It makes sense they'd all become hells beloved children. Doing what is in their nature is an art form to it.

What's even more is that the game itself supports the idea that some are souls. Surely hell cannot create them since everything made by hell are demons, which are very easy to recognize by the stone exterior.(?? unless im wrong??)

And there is no feasible way for machines like the Guttermen and Earthmovers to be their actual living counterparts. On a basic level they LACK the means to be alive. The people inside the Guttermen need to be alive in order for them to function. When opening them in-game they are just skeletons. Nobody has been supplying them with blood for a long time. Because it's hell. The game itself states that death is a luxury in hell. It does not happen easy.

Earthmovers need sunlight to power them. And the game specifically put them in an area that is clouded. There is none to be seen in violence. No they are just trapped in place, forced to shoot each other for all of eternity.

Machines, when they die… go to hell! Probably!

Some of the machines you kill, perhaps reccuring enemies go to hell (Thank u l@/little-tornad0 for the addition hehe)

When you die.

You respawn! Hell keeps you going. Hell wants torture. Hell wants bloodshed. Hell wants entertainment and you are the purest form of it.

It makes me think a lot about the potential ending of the game. About the themes. I don't think this means inherently that hell is a perfect self-sustaining organism that can go on like this forever. Gabriel says machines are destroying it and leaving nothing behind. Things are clearly going south in some way. And it'd fit the themes better if it was all going to uh.. hell lol. If it was all going to collapse. From the main theme of the game literally being "The fire is gone" to the name of the last chapter literally being named "Godfist suicide"

Also for what it's worth the Mirage secret is awesome meta-commentary on the idea that everything will die. Everything is destined to end. It is up to you how your each that end.

I think this is what Ultrakill will kind of be about at the end maybe. Gabriel will die out with a bang doing what he wants.

V1 itself is clearly NOT killing efficiently to survive, but for fun. Before it all ends. It's going out with a bang.

And with no new humans or machines that can enter hell in the long run. Perhaps it's very being too will decide it wants to go out with a bang.

In short. uh machines have souls. everything will die but not in a sad way. but in a very cool awesome way. thats pr awesomesauce

[siryyeet]

Oh you have complicated feelings towards Germany? Let me make 91836373 assumptions about it with my piss poor understanding of history, not listen to germans at all and then come to a horrendously bad and false conclusion on why that is! Also I think you germans should stop feeling guilty and be proud of your country again!

[banancrumbs]

Dream remembered Death’s words in experiencing a bit of human life, so he just decided to stay like a wet cat after getting caught in the rain with Hob

what happened after this art!

[kavennnn]

told yall we wouldnt be getting year 3 from allegory

[vaguely-concerned]

returnal did not cure my depression but it did give me a strangely healing new perspective that makes it all a bit easier to bear. that perspective being 'I may be having a rough time right now, but at least I'm not inside the head of returnal protagonist selene vassos'

[triglycercule]

What do you think the types of drunk would the murder trio be? Im pretty sure ask dusttale already answered this question about dust but i have to ask the mtt expert

see now askdusttale DID answer the question. but they didn't ANSWER the question when asked what dust is like drunk. they just said that dust is the type to drink himself blackout drunk. so that mean i have total freedom on deciding what the mtt are like drunk hehehe (rubs hands together in a villanous way that you would imagine nightmare doing or something idk)

i already have an absolutely hilarious idea for horror and it might just because i'm on the guilt section of his character analysis but i could TOTALLY imagine him being an emotional drunk. like he CRIES. horror sans man known for being incredibly guarded and private with what he feels bawling his eye out. he gets mad he gets sad he does not get happy because horror doesn't have the right to be happy. he is too upset over the fact that he fucking DOOMED all of horrortale because of his selfishness and nothing can stop him from being incredibly vocal about that fact so much so that killer had to tape his mouth shut because he wouldn't stop crying so loud. and then he just silently cries until he passes out from exhaustion. the alcohol has an incredibly strong effect on him because i dont think he would drink regularly plus he definitely hasnt drinken anything in those 7 years of starvation. it hits like a fucking plane crashing into him. or like getting his eye taken out again. either one!

another funny idea i had for killer would be like the alcohol affecting him but he SWEARS that he's still sober. he is very confused when he starts stumbling because wtf he doesnt FEEL drunk??? why is he bumping into walls and tables HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND FUCKING STUPID???? the alcohol is definitely effecting him but he swears he swears he doesn't feel drunk. hes not drunk its just the damn body doing this stupid bullshit!!!! he's still very aware of what's going on and is basically the same as sober but just like. he's wiggly he's wobbly and oh shit he just fell head face first into a tv whoops. he'd also have a high tolerance because just because. he can drink without feeling like shit until he just blacks out mid conversation with someone because his body couldn't take the toll of all the beer or whatever. hilarious idea triglycercule thank you triglycercule i know

dust in the context that we already know that he drinks AND he can fight against the human while like partially drunk.... i feel it would be kinda like a giggly drunk situation. except dust doesn't laugh at anything that's funny he only laughs when someone gets hurt or something. SADISTIC giggly drunk. because i can already imagine a half drunk dust laughing his ass off after killing the human and its a beautiful sight to me.

anyways imagine how it goes when you pair this sadistic giggly drunk with another that wont stop going through the 5 stages of grief and another that keeps on fucking falling over for no reason in his eyes. dream blunt rotation but the blunt is a bottle of vodka. i can already imagine it in my head and its fucking HILARIOUS. horror going on about how he caused the deaths of others and manipulated and tricked papyrus while killer is just trying his best to keep his eyes open because for some reason they won't stop trying to close. he is surprisingly getting frustated. dust has long since lost his voice laughing at this and he's just silent wheezing at everything. also phantom papyrus is only making the laughter worse because he keeps on making rude comments towards horror and killer and only he can hear him and its guffaw inducing. mtt amazing friend group you dont get shit like this anywhere else

[cescalr]

Oooh, definitely glee for the fandom asks! <3

Always with the hornets' nests with these ones, I see! Though i don't think there's a fandom out there that isn't in some way a hornets' nest once it gets large enough... hm. Alright. I'm just gonna be as honest as i can be about this, and tag accordingly.

Glee:

my favourite female character: augh. argh. ouph. so difficult. so hard. Since I'm working off of half-remembered show and half recently-rewatched show... its a tossup. Mercedes, Santana, Quinn. Probably Mercedes. She did nothing wrong ever in her entire life <3 well okay maybe except that one time she smashed kurt's car windows (but it was a banger song, though). Can't say Santana because of the Biphobia TM and other things like excessive use of bigotry-based insults, and Quinn. Oh god girl. Cheating is not cool! Funnily enough! So I find them really interesting but 'favourite' is hard to say. Mercedes. Mercedes for sure <3

my favourite male character: Blaine sam blaine sam blaine sam yes. I am imitating ripping petals off of flowers and coming to a conclusion based on which is the last name i said. So I guess that means Sam! But really this is a tie.

my favourite book/season/etc: Mannnnn idk. I don't like shows for seasons as-a-whole. Also i could not tell you what happened in any given season if you held a gun to my head. I'm not good at that. The only shows i know 'seasons' of are Buffy and Teen Wolf because i've watched them like 100000000000 times (exaggeration) for various reasons (mostly fanfiction research).

my favourite episode (if its a tv show): I can tell you my LEAST favourite episode (blame it on the alcohol, thank you Kurt king of biphobia! this is a persona foible it's not the worst episode in the show. by far. by far. it's kind of an average one. I'm just angry at it.) BUT er. Favourite? Idk. Genuinely some of the earlier Kurt-centric stuff was really well done (his convo with Burt... <3) and the Quinn giving birth accompanied by bohemian rhapsody was obviously iconic, but if I'll be honest I couldn't name any episodes of this show (other than That One previously stated, anyway). And yeah most of the time they were named after song titles and No i don't remember those song titles either. I'm just so bad at this. My memory is that of a goldfish's being haphazardly bounced around on a sieve.

my favourite cast member: it would be really funny if I said Demi Lovato [she counts!] but the truth is N/A: i don't know these people !!! They are strangers!! (i don't. follow celebrities. at all. I couldn't even name most of them. They're just people doing a job and their lives are irrelevant to me beyond their ability to perform that job well. I do not need to know where they live and what coffee they drink. Stalker shit tbh. I'm kind of a very private person myself, so rpf-adjacent stuff just... creeps me out. I've never watched a single cast interview in my lifetime and I'm not about to start!)

my favourite ship: Difficult to say! Grave and obvious lie. Blam. It's blam. Quintana is a close runner up though Santana really needs to stop dating people who cheat on the regular (I'll accept Quinn has grown enough not to do this by the time a Quintana coupling would be viable - and satisfying in terms of character arcs - narratively speaking).

a character I’d die defending: Blaine Anderson did something wrong for sure but like Kurt did it first so shrugs. Cancels out. Bad for each other! Case closed!

a character I just can’t sympathize with: genuinely don't remember if I had one of those the first time around because I was like 10 and just didn't pay attention if I didn't care, but Terri and her racist self take that 'prize' this time, alongside the obvious predator in the room [original choir teacher. Sandy? I forget his name immediately after hearing it. He doesn't deserve to be remembered]. Also JBI is just.... a yikes character all around. I mean, he's a blatant stereotype for one, in a the people who wrote this person don't like jews kind of way. Unfortunately common stereotype too, for the era, so not only is he that, he's also lazy. Just a one-note pervert who's the butt of various antisemitic 'jokes' you've heard from era-peer shows a million times over, tired and awful and a sour reminder of bigotry that continues to this day. Really regrettable character who's lack of redeeming qualities was probably purposeful. (I know Rachel and tina are also jewish, but this comes up very rarely and mostly only when santana needs to say something kind of fucked up, as is her modus operandi, for 'comic relief'. Tina's jewish-ness wasn't even canon for several seasons, because she didn't have a surname or a family or anything resembling complex character depth for several seasons. The one time I really remember Rachel's religion being important was when she was pressuring Kurt into believing in some kind of god, which??? don't do that. Bad example. Trying to guilt trip a friend into faith sucks. I take back what i said earlier Mercedes did that too. Boo. Girls try again that was a bad showing all around. Though i have no idea why Kurt went the acupuncture route as his 'secular' option but i think that has to do a lot with the writers doing literally no research ever once in their lives (you can tell they don't by the way they write the football segments of the show, which make no sense according to football fans who watch Glee, of which there are numerous because real life isn't like fiction where you can only like music or sports. Most of the kids in my school year were doing the most of everything ever if they were the 'popular' ones - we do that differently; popularity isn't really based on who know know; for some bizzare reason literally everyone knew who I was? Even people I'd never spoken to?? - but more about like... how much you can do, I guess. Overachievers, but I'm not saying that negatively; these people were generally - generally - very nice, and surprisingly chill for people who had no spare time whatsoever. I'm not entirely sure when they slept; A* across the board, at least one sport, at least one instrument, several extracurriculars, parties every weekend, dozens of friends and an s.o. . Eh? Way too much going on. Scary lifestyle! Impressive burnout rate, probably. Er. Tangent! Back to the scheduled programming).) There's uhhhh there's a lot of bad characters on the show, but i'd say Sandy and Terri and her equally but more loudly racist sister are truly completely irredeemable ones. Like they're not interesting or anything, they're just there to be narrative annoyances (which, in the case of Sandy specifically, is insane. Arrest that man!!! He has actively sexually assaulted minors!!!).

a character I grew to love: difficult to say because I tend to just make an opinion and stick to it. Also i don't remember who i liked at first and who i didn't, this show came out when i was eight. I didn't watch it until I was a little older than that, of course, but I frankly have spotty memory until my late teens, so! I'm not sure!! Quinn, probably. Pink-hair-era Quinn helped me understand her more, and seeing the moments of kindness hidden behind practical cruelty, when you understand her family and situation, makes things make a lot more sense. It takes a lot to get me to sympathise with a cheater, but I can see where Quinn was getting all turned around in her head about life because of her upbringing and socialisation, not to mention the profoundly negative impact cheerios had on her mentally and that the school's culture in general was not exactly a breeding ground for empathy and optimism.

my anti otp: can you tell (klaine). I don't dislike Kurt!!! Please let him have a fun chillaxed boyfriend in new york with his vogue friends. But also please stop attempting to control other people's diets thank you!! Thank you!! I'm of mixed feelings. Blaine and Kurt both did at least one bad, relationship-ending thing, and proved over and over again that they just weren't on the same wavelength in regards to life goals and ways of living it. They can't even share the same living space, which is kind of required for a functional marriage. I don't know, it just seems like they settled for their first proper, serious boyfriend even if that's not really the best match, and I... wish they'd just got to see more of life first, you know? They got married at like 20! Or something! I'm 23, I cannot imagine getting married at 20. That's a baby. Let them live first!

(same for Santana and Brittney, imo. I also don't really like them together because Santana and Brittney have very different ideas regarding monogamy, which is just never going to go down well in the long run. If your girl cheats on you like twenty times and tells you to your face its not cheating in her view of things, but you think it is, break up with her because you'll just make each other miserable. Brittney sort of seems incapable of feeling guilt but if she were, this kind of moral pressure would be Not Good, and obviously Santana isn't comfortable with the idea and doesn't have to be!! Just move on!!! Find other people!!!! Don't marry your first girlfriend if you've broken up like ten times this is simple!!!! Please!!!! But Klaine wins out over Brittana because - in my opinion, glee fandom please do not persecute me, I am known for this specific thing - I see... interactions that verge on abusive between Klaine that I don't see in Brittana. So. Oof? Ex; use of public perception to disguise attack; deliberately hurting Blaine in a stage-combat fencing match (you are not meant to make actual contact in these) and thus using Blaine's own dislike of making his difficulties common knowledge against him in order to 'punish' him. This is no good! Don't do this!!.[Also just to err vaguepost about a comment.... that is. not. what i would call passive aggressive. Physically attacking someone with a sword - no matter the type of sword, fencing foils hurt just as much, they're just not stab-you sharp... er, these days - is just straight-up aggressive.]).

Note that negative things stick in the mind better than positive ones; on a rewatch I may well alter my opinion!

But also I'm really, really stubborn. So it's not likely. Klaine.

[waterfallofspace]

Obedience.

Using ~this lovely prompt~ from the incredible @onetrickponi for our dear G/ojo. 

Inumaki Translation Key:  “Bonito flakes” -Negative/Negation “Salmon” -Affirmation “Kelp” -Greeting “Caviar” -Curse/Expletive 

Characters: G/ojo, N/anami, I/numaki, Y/uji, M/egumi, N/obara, P/anda, and M/aki. (All platonic) Word Count: 2.7k

(References to mild coughing, and swearing!)

~~~~~~~

Gojo Satoru is an infamous name in Jujutsu. 

Some of the most powerful curse techniques the world has seen, abilities matched only by his intelligence. Not a sorcerer in Japan would deny knowing of him. Yet, ask what comes to mind when you say his name, and power is not the first word to drip off their tongue. 

The exact vocabulary will depend on which lips you pry it from. Higher ups would call him a nuisance. His students may call him aggravating. Fellow sorcerers have been known to use the term irritant. 

No matter who you ask, however, the sentiment rings true. Gojo Satoru is a troublemaker who dances the fine line between ‘loveable’ and ‘prick’. 

As with everything he does, Gojo is skilled at walking the tightrope of annoyance. Most of the time he’s careful to be as close to exasperating as possible, without actually being insensitive, unless it’s to higher ups. 

Most of the time. Then there are days, like last week, where the line is crossed with someone the students care about, and a little payback is required. It’s Inumaki’s turn to get the honours, which he accepts with a graceful “Salmon,” and a smirk. 

This is how a few students find themselves squished against the school, eagerly peeking around corners to watch the scene unfold. 

“Kelp!” Inumaki calls, gesturing for his fellow second years to gather around. Maki leans against the wall, Panda dropping to the floor and getting comfortable. Standing a few paces away from his target, Inumaki’s careful to measure the distance. Close enough to be obeyed, far enough to stay hidden. 

Down the field, the demonstration is about to begin. 

~~~

“-which leads me to the best part, so Megumi has no idea I’m even there,” Gojo rambles, hands painting spirals through the air. “And I saw him duck into the candy store, which was on my list anyways, so I’m follow-” 

“Satoru, I believe you asked me here for help with a demonstration,” Nanami cuts in, glancing at his watch as he rearranges his glasses. “I clock out in less than an hour. Is this really how you want to spend the time?” 

Nobara chuckles from behind her phone, gesturing towards Gojo. “Pretty sure he’d be thrilled to waste it gossiping. Meanwhile there’s a sale downtown, so if we’re not gonna get to it..?” 

“You people are no fun,” Gojo whines, tilting his glasses to meet Nanami’s eye. “Especially you.” 

Nanami sighs, tapping Yuji on the shoulder and gesturing to Megumi. “Get his attention please.” 

“One of the most boring people I’ve ever met, Nanami.”

“Well then,” Nanami pauses as a whack- sounds out from behind him followed by Yuji groaning. Another sigh raises in his chest. “Good thing my self worth doesn’t rest on what an immature sorcerer thinks of me.” 

Still rubbing his head, Yuji walks back over, Megumi following behind, pointedly refusing to lift his gaze to the teachers. Gojo seems to consider this ‘good enough’, as he begins to get in position, still huffing slightly at the insult tossed his way. 

“Alright guys, and girls~” Gojo adds with a snap in Nobara’s direction, prompting an eye roll from everyone in the group. “Time to get serious. This lesson is about hand-to-hand combat, with no cursed energy.”

Nobara offers a noncommittal hum, clicking away at her phone. Megumi still refuses to acknowledge anything but the bench he’s sitting on. Hesitantly, Yuji raises his hand, waiting till Gojo points at him. 

“Uh- Gojo sensei, didn’t you just teach me how to add cursed energy..?” 

“Correct! However, that’s because you’re already quite strong on your own. Fighting styles will be important for your growth, but it matters less with your brute strength.” 

Pausing, Gojo gestures to Megumi. “Someone like him needs to be constantly polishing their hand-to-hand skills, since he lacks the physical endurance you naturally possess.” 

“Oh, I see! Because he’s not as stron-” Nobara giggles as Yuji massages the back of his head again, Gojo failing to hold back a snicker. Rolling his eyes with another deep sigh, Nanami takes his position, gesturing for Gojo to get on with it. 

“So, for this demonstration I will turn off my infinity so our dear Nanami stands a chance~.” 

“Why don’t you stop talking and get on with it?” Nanami retorts, nodding to his watch. “Forty-five minutes.” 

Finally starting to begin, Gojo lets infinity turn off, placing his hand on Nanami’s shoulder to demonstrate an opening move. Nobara glances up every so often, still typing away at her phone. Megumi stares at the ground, but his lips seem to be repeating Gojo’s instructions. Meanwhile Yuji simply stares, captivated by each new move. 

Just as Gojo leans forward for another exaggerated swing, something hits him. Or more specifically, his nose. 

~”Sneeze.”~ 

Normally a sneeze for Gojo is a slow building process. The itch will start small, just a prickle in his sinuses, before it begins to build into a full blown need. With this one, he barely has time to duck away, pinching his nose shut with a desperate gasp. 

“ah’NXGchh-! hePTTchh-! hh- kNXT’ch-! Oh, ‘scuse me.” Gojo swipes at his nose, frowning at the breathless sensation he’s left with. Normally stifling doesn’t relieve the tickle, but he should be able to do it with minimal effort. 

“You okay, Sensei?” Yuji pipes up, glancing over at Megumi for confirmation. He doesn’t seem alarmed, not bothering to lift his head from his arms, feigning sleep on the bench.

 A few sneezes isn’t usually something to worry about, especially not from Gojo. The man is notorious for his sensitive nose, not to mention over-the-top fits. 

“Yeah, just a bit itchy. Start again. Nanami?”  Nanami gives Gojo a minute to collect himself, then with a nod, takes his stance. 

~”You’re not done.”~ 

“yiEHh’shhieuw-!”

“Watch it-” Nanami jumps back, grimacing as the first one doesn’t miss his sleeve.

“I’m- hH’GNchh-! I’m so- hehh… heptNCH-!” Gojo dives into his hand again, attempting to gasp out what sounds like an apology through the onslaught. “What the he- inchh-! en’gzchh-!”  

The itch is in his nose, but the tingles spread throughout his whole body. As his head dips again and again, he feels each muscle tense. His skin is crawling. Almost like goosebumps, but invisible to the naked eye.

“Woah, Gojo sensei, what’s wrong?” A voice laced with concern calls, but all Gojo can do is hitch, dipping deeper into his palm until he’s practically smothering himself. 

“hedt’chh-! ah’KDNTchh-! God I have… haveto… heh’KNCHh-!” 

While he doesn’t understand exactly what’s happening, he can sense the cursed energy swarming his own. Being aware of every drop overwhelming his system only leaves him more sensitive to the intensely soft feeling burning through his nose. 

“Ew, that’s so gross.” Another voice chimes in, void of concern. Still, Gojo finds himself unable to reply, entirely consumed by the maddening tickle. 

“eh’tnchh-! knchhh-! hahh- DTXNchh’uu-!” 

Every breath brings another sneeze dancing to the tip of his nose, waiting to burst forth. His vision blurs, the stifles not seeming to do anything to stall the exasperating itch. 

~”Enough stifling.”~ 

And just like that, Gojo feels his hand release his nose. A panic begins to seep through his weakened mind as he realizes he didn’t choose to do that. Still, it’s overwritten by the insistent desire that’s not been quelled. 

“hiHyiEShhhiuew-! yishh’hieww-! hh- tnnshh’uu-!”

He manages to get his collar over his face, muffling the bursts into the rapidly dampening fabric. “heh’mPFShhyew-! mmfffshh’iew-! eh’mffshhiueww-!” 

The moisture lining his nose starts to match the oceans forming in his eyes. No amount seems to satiate the tickle. An average fit might last for a while, Gojo’s used to that, but those sneezes feel satisfying. With this tickle, each sneeze that frees itself just brings a new desperation, as if he’s allergic to the act of sneezing. 

And more than that, they’re coming out as his natural ones- “hh’iSHhhieww-! tizshhyueww-!” -fittish and breathy, with a desperate twinge. Much different then the over-the-top presentations he’d normally be putting on. 

“ek’tieshhhieww-! heHh- guhhh…” Only when he can get a breath in does Gojo realize everyone’s staring at him. A heat begins to rise to his cheeks, spreading up into his ears.

Nanami’s hand rests on Gojo’s arm, eyes seeming to study him carefully.  “Satoru, are you alright?” There’s a humour to his voice that Gojo finds quite insulting, despite the kindness of the words.

“I’b ndot-” He pauses, sniffling hard against his wrist. It only serves to irritate his throat, light coughs pouring out. Annoying as it may be, the cough does clear the congestion enough to continue the sentence.

“I’m not sure, but I think… oh wait- hH’yiEShhhuew-! nohhht… notover- ekyiEShhh’shiew-!”

Nobara pipes up this time, phone long forgotten. “That’s disgusting.” 

“ah’KESHhh’yiew-! Wow, thagnks for the sy.. sympa…hahhh…” Making the mistake of opening his eyes, Gojo’s met with the horrifying realization his glasses had fallen off during the fit. The whimper he lets out has even Megumi glancing at him in concern. 

His eyes water again, lashes fluttering against the bright sunlight starting to invade his sinuses. It burns nearly as much as the cursed energy, and Gojo only manages to cast final warning before ducking back into his wrist.

“So itchy… I’mb gonda keep… hh’yIEShhh’yew-! hk’kieww-! ahh’dieuww-! hH’tieww-!” 

The fittish half-sneezes leave him breathless. It’s as if his nose is too sensitive, unable to even form a proper sneeze from the depth of the itch. His eyes snap open, just to plummet back shut as the flash from Megumi’s phone sends him back into hysterics. 

“ihh’kieww-! tchhieww-! ak’tiew-! hh’diueew-!” 

Through the fit, he manages to catch Nanami pulling the phone from Megumi’s hand, muttering something about ‘he has it bad enough’, quickly followed by ‘send me those after.’ The burning in his cheeks deepens, and for a second he considers attempting to warp out of there. 

“ahn’chhuew-! kn’diew-!” That fantasy dies as quick as it was born. 

Grumbling under his breath, Gojo attempts to glare at them, failing spectacularly. “You’re all th- hnn’diew-! ekieww-! ahh’tIEShhuu-! The worst. hK’ENchhiew-! hheHh- guhhh…” 

“For taking pictures when you’re suffering? Wow, I wonder who I could have learned that from.” Megumi adds, taking his phone back from Nanami with a silent glare. 

“Sensei,” Yuji pauses for Gojo to let out another burst before continuing, “Is there anything we can do?” 

Taking a cautious sniff, Gojo manages his first full breath since the fit started. He meets Yuji’s concerned gaze, opens his mouth, and- 

~”It tickles worse.”~ 

-gasps, pitching forward with a full-bodied sneeze. There’s not even time to aim for his shirt, a light mist landing on the ground. He feels his teary eyes flutter, nostrils quivering against the unbelievable urge. 

Before he knows it he’s leaning over, hands against knees- “hH’djZSHhuu-! yiEShhhIHhew-! ahh’knZShhhyeww-!”  -sneezing openly towards the ground. 

At this display, Nanami and Megumi chime in with a matching “gross” as Nobara openly shudders, taking several steps back. Seemingly the only one not disgusted, Yuji steps forward, resting his hand on Gojo’s back as it trembles. 

“Do you know what’s going on, Sensei?” 

Despite having a pretty good idea, Gojo just offers a frantic wave. As his nostrils flare again, he spins away from the group, the attack gaining a harsher quality.

“kNZSHhhuu-! ah’DZSHhh’tiew-! Oh my- hH’EZSHH’uew-!” 

Gojo convulses again, intense sneezes continuing to assault his trembling septum as he wipes the tears from his flushed cheeks,

~~~ 

Across the field, Inumaki mimics the movement, Panda and Maki joining in with their own chuckles. The hilarity of his reaction leaves them almost as breathless as their target. Laughter of this pure a degree had become quite rare for them, and it almost made them feel bad about the torment. 

“Okay,” Noticing Inumaki gearing up again, Panda gives him a gentle nudge.  “You should probably ease up now. You don’t want him actually passing out.”

“Bonito flakes..?” 

Panda sighs, nodding at him. “Yes, you do have to.” 

From her position against the wall, Maki chimes in, “He’s gonna be so pissed.” 

“Caviar… Salmon, Salmon.” Inumaki agrees. Dropping his collar again, he gives one final command.

~”You have one last sneeze in you.”~ 

With that, the three lean back to watch the finale. 

~~~ 

“kshh’diew-!” 

Pausing, Gojo feels something change. The jittery feeling that had been spread across his body honed in on his nose, amplifying the tickle. As his hand begins to frantically fan his face, he feels the world start to fade away. Soon all that exists is him and the itch. 

For the first time in his life, Gojo feels like he might understand what it’s like to be trapped in Infinite Void. Every feeling seems miles away, and yet at the same time it’s touching him. Each breath is too slow, but he’s panting. 

Time seems to stop, nothing but the tickle remaining as Gojo tilts his head back, desperately looking for anything to bring this to an end. Any source of brightness to- there it is. 

If he’d had any vision, the light would have stolen it, but instead, mercifully, he dives into his hands with a final vicious sneeze.  

“heH’DIEZSHHH’kiuew-!” 

 Even Megumi chimes in with an almost concerned, “That was intense.” 

Gojo gives him a vague smile, pale cheeks stained with blush as he sinks to his knees, rubbing his nose with a ferocity that leaves everyone wincing. 

“Do you need to go see Shoko..?” Yuji asks, but Gojo shakes his head, still panting. Nanami kneels down beside him, draping an arm over his shoulders as he pulls Gojo back to his feet. 

Letting Nanami support his weight, Gojo clears his throat, his blush deepening at the congestion that lingers. “I thignk I’ll be fidne ndow. Just godda sleebp this off.”

“You sound awful,” Megumi mutters, grimacing as Gojo winks at him. 

“Awww, are you concerdned about mbee? Thadts so sweedt of you, Megumbi!” 

In response Megumi scowls, the expression slowly morphing into a smirk as he holds up his phone. “Well, I guess these photos just put me in a good mood.” 

As he passes it around, Nobara and Yuji start howling with laughter, even Nanami suppressing a few chuckles. Gojo sighs playfully, attempting to brush off the way his ears seem to burn. 

“I defignitely deserved thadt.” He laughs, before exhaustion deepens its hold, and he leans against Nanami with an uncovered yawn. 

Nanami chuckles again, this time unrestrained. “You probably did.” And with that, begins the walk towards the school, Gojo still unsteady on his feet. Behind them, Megumi joins in on the laughter, and Gojo sighs at the inevitability of those photos ending up online. 

~~~ 

Just before they make it inside, he suddenly pulls away, whipping as far away from Nanami as he can manage. 

“hiH’TIEShhh’diew-! ahhh’kesshhyew-!” 

They’re followed by a low moan as he rubs his nose half raw against his arm.

“They’re right, you know, Satoru. You really are gross.” 

“hah’inKEShhh’yiew-! Thagnks, Nadnambi,” Gojo says, sniffling hard against his wrist. There’s a mild laughter to his tone. “Woah, thadt’s hard to say. hH- oh fuckigg- hh’kiezshh’uu-!” 

“Bless you.”

The western blessing gets a full laugh, which quickly descends into a productive cough. Raising his watery eyes to meet Nanami’s stern gaze, Gojo chokes out, “How- ndice o- of you.” 

“Let’s get you to a couch to lay down.”

“Thadt would be perfegct.” 

~~~

Sure enough, as Gojo sleeps it off, the photos begin spreading. Unfortunately for Megumi, most people seem to share the conclusion that, even while in the grips of a full sneezing attack, Gojo Satoru looks gorgeous. 

By the time the next day rolls around, the post has gotten over a million likes. Megumi attempts to delete the post, but ‘StrongestSorcererSatoru’ reuploads it. 

A week later rumours are spreading through the Jujutsu world. Gojo Satoru horrific sneezing fit, Inumaki force to be reckoned with even for the strongest, but by far the most surprising, Gojo Satoru apologized for going too far. 

Seems even Satoru can take a hint when it’s of that magnitude. 

Inumaki notices a few extra stares being cast his way, but it comes with more than enough pats on the back to make up for it. 

Everyone loves Gojo getting humbled a little.

[westwiiind]

“rahh they shouldn’t have sent the dragons away for their own safety! they were giving up and admitting defeat! they can easily take any threat!” first off, no they can’t, hiccup basically fell to his death like two seconds before sending the dragons away, and the year before that the fight over dragons cost him his father and berk its chief, not to mention how many homes were destroyed and how many ppl were hurt in both the second and third movies. drago’s bewilderbeast’s ice destroyed the village. grimmel burned it down a year later. that kind of perpetuity of violence is so irresponsible for a leader to allow to continue indefinitely???? just bc “we can win though probably!” ?????? things are different in the earlier movies and tv shows BC THEY SHOW THE PROGRESSION OF VIOLENCE. after the first battle, they’re not gonna give up trying. after the third battle, they’re not gonna give up trying. after six YEARS of trying to change the world for the better (and the TWENTY YEARS hiccup knows valka spent trying to do the same thing), only to find that his island of people and dragons is in just as much (or really, even more) danger than before? yeah, excuse them for maybe considering “giving up.” in the first two movies and the shows, they hadn’t lost enough for it all to amount to such a drastic decision. by the time of thw, they had lost so much, and u guys apparently can’t comprehend the toll that takes. hiccup’s goal was always to protect dragons. how is leaving them vulnerable protecting them???? how is letting them continuously battle for their lives protecting them??? do u guys think these ppl and dragons have an endless battery for war and violence?????? the point was that violence was unavoidable, and no good leader of humans or dragons would let that continue even if there’s a noble cause.

[theladyfae]

i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶