#let trying not to move. and then everybody thinks that i just. dont like physical affection | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chi1d0fcain · 3 months ago

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As someone who have literally witnessed this, your feelings are beyond valid. I love u so much. Preacher’s daughter and everything you have ever made mean so much to me and they are literal masterpieces. Honestly, i mostly like the jokes in hopes of them reaching a bigger audience simply because i love u and i h8 how rare it is to find ethel stans in real life who know the lore and obsesses over it as much as me. And sometimes one reel could be the spark that starts all that. Giving u more streams and hopefully more money to fund more projects and hopefully physicals because i NEED IT. Is that selfish? Probably. Does it come with negatives? Absolutely. Is it worth it? As a barb first and foremost I think it totally is. Nicki is such a perfect example. Because she decides how seriously to take us. And treats the fans as literal children when they go crazy yet we always feel like we can joke with her and always appreciate her genius work all together. I feel like it’s something that all public figures have to deal with once famous enough and cannot be avoided.

I can never understand how you personally feel about this from your pov, and all the comments u receive but i find its very important and healthy for u to just simply filter these unserious people out whenever youre not in the mood and like. Log off. Or move to a different platform like nicki with queen radio which was literally the point of these radio shows that have now become as simple as ig lives. Not everybody has the energy to keep up with those esp if theyre boring in the beginning or maybe just stick more to tumbler or alt accounts whenever u want to discuss your art and those who care WILL be there to give u every ounce of support. But honestly these jokes are just another way of showing support and love. To these people and meme pages this is charity and their way of helping u gain more global attention and success which we all believe you deserve because of the greatness of your art. Whether u agree or disagree. I really appreciate the new album title and hope it shoos away the unserious children. But it is what it is. While we who care about u most will take these rants very seriously, those same people you complained about wont even read it. So yeah. Try these things. When u see something blown out of context yell at us in a simple story. When u wanna get serious, simple address the fans seriously just like a parent does. This way u ensure control over the fandom and maintain mutual respect and support! Those of us who love u wont go no matter how much u cuss us out. So let your emotions out. And we will always try to make fame a more pleasant experience. But as we all know its a curse. That also comes with benefits. Not saying this just as a barb, but everybody envies the relationship we have with nicki. She was literally in the middle of the street with fans surrounding her and she was doing a better job than crowd control + cops. And i know you are as great and as capable of such things despite how difficult it may seem. Keep reminding yourself that you have all the power over us. You can punish us with delays reward us with surprises etc. this is literally what nicki does. Like actual. Kids. And when u do that, us real fans feel entitled to play the big sister role, and we start individually making sure the childish people who don’t appreciate your art stay in their place. I hope u get my point. I love u so much. I wish i could elaborate more but i fear i already wrote too much and i really want u to read it so i dont want it to be overwhelming even tho its very messy and all over the place and i suck at explaining myself i really hope you see where im cominh from as i can literally go on about this for hours. Really wish i could help more. U got this tho! Love u to the moon and back.

Sincerely, a fellow child of cain.

P.s. even after all this i WILL add that i STILL would d13 to get my hands on your entire discography even unreleased pressed on vinyl. Not because im not taking u seriously, but because this is sooo important to me and we feel like the more we ask the more demand the higher the chance of getting what we want! Again, if this bothers you, you MUST go the parent route. Address the subject. Say that youre working on it. Or not interested in it right now. Show us that you hear every single one of us and simply respond accordingly instead of bottling it up and let it get to u. I promise if u address the issue once twice and thrice u will feel it go away. I know that it can be overwhelming as im neurodivergent myself, but its the most effective way to tackle this and to make this a better experience for u. After all you are the head of the snake and u have all the power. Do not. Forget it. Most of us real fans would bend to your will so fast. U simply need to own it and believe that you deserve it. Which you absolutely do. Speaking from nothing but experience as a barb for more than 10 years, and someone who had a fanpage was friends with big fan pages and knew the owners personally and a recovering chronically online member of many fandoms. Trying to drastically limit my online time but id do anything to even attempt make u happier and try to be of help

Hello very much :)

I thought about making a video on this topic but I decided to just write it out in a post instead. Either way, I'd like to speak a bit more specifically about a drunk rant I made on a separate account the other day that was not as well put together as I'd like to stand as my viewpoints on the subject.

tl:dr, I just feel as though there's a lack of sincerity in the world these days. I speak from personal experience as an artist putting things out into the world, yes, but also as a human being interacting with other human beings on the regular, and I have had my sentiments echoed by many other friends of mine over the past year or so, both artists and non-artists alike. Most of this will be framed through the consumption of art, because that's my own personal passion in this life of mine, but also the way we interface with each other and process the world around us. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to laugh. I love a good joke, and I love lightheartedness as much as the next person. But I saw someone this morning put it very succinctly in response to my rant, something along the lines of "don't let the joke about it overtake the source material." It feels as though it's a common occurrence these days to take a pinch of something with a lot more weight to it, often a humorous bit, and then run with it. Everyone then gathers around the pinch to ooh and ahh and consume it as a whole. Context is immediately lost, the legacy of that body of work becomes its own caricature, and anyone discovering that body of work via said caricature may forgo a piece of art they would otherwise love because "there's nothing there". And don't think this is me griping at those making jokes at the expense of my art. I make jokes about my own art. But when the joke dies, yet continues to grow, and spread, and finds its way back to me both on the internet and off for months (or, God forbid, years) to come, I can't help but say to myself; what the fuck is happening. Artists have fled the public and all their outlets for personality and expression outside the medium because they feel ridiculed. It's not even just their art. Katya comes to mind, speaking on how she went on youtube live a few years back in literal tears talking about police brutality and the injustices marginalized communities were facing at the hands of the government. Meanwhile, the entire comment section "yass" and "mother"ed her in barrages, not paying attention to anything she had to say. I get asked about when I'm dropping Preacher's Daughter vinyl en masse in response to my Palestine fundraiser links. It's everywhere and it's inescapable. No one can be serious for even two seconds.

This may all sound obnoxious; so be it. I tie strings from this central problem to many other complaints I have heard repeated ad nauseam the past few years. For example; the death of subculture. Goth, punk, whatever, you name it. People who built an underground counterculture movement with a rich history based on a love of art, community, and otherwise misunderstood worldviews and experiences deemed foul or inappropriate. Now we see bits taken from it, the terms and the looks, without any of the meat, spread thin across society as a whole. Words mean nothing anymore. One can rest on history and say they were a part of it when in fact, they did nothing. No appreciation or understanding to be had for the love and passion that built it. No serious interaction with the culture's very real confines and boundaries, just mindless co-opting. This has just as much to do with late stage capitalism as it does with excessive humor in lieu of sincerity, but it's certainly both. Again, this may sound like a silly complaint, but I don't care. The collective ennui we're all experiencing has a very real reason, whether we're ready to acknowledge or not.

In a twisted thread, it's even tied to our lack of care to change the world around us. People cheer on the idea of communism, but who among us is ready to give up the convenience of society as it stands? Amazon prime, doordash, fresh fruit out of season as I saw someone mention in a similar post last week; the marvels of modern technology. Do we really think these things can last in a society that isn't actively destroying the planet? We talk about the idea of something all day long but have very little to do with the actuality of what we're talking about. And don't think I consider myself exempt from this problem. I couldn't even try to claim to be. It seems nearly silly to be complaining, then, about the way people consume the art around them these days as we creep towards what feels like the end of days. But as long as I still draw breath, I must complain.

I miss genuine passion. As an autistic individual, when I'm alone, sometimes I cannot contain myself with how things make me feel. The music I listen to, the video games I play, the books I read. I almost feel the need to run through the house and scream in everyone's face how I'm feeling. It feels good to love intensely. Now, I won't pretend like autistic people haven't been bullied for this since the dawn of time, but there is surely a noticeable lack of passion in everything these days. Everyone can feel it, everyone is talking about it. Everything now is "cringe", or "doing too much", or "not that serious". Actually, it is that serious. Insecurity in one's own deeper feelings may not be a new thing, but a culture that seems to promote this eschewing of them does seem to be a new evil. The tone of the internet has completely shifted. I spent most of my time here when I first discovered it a little over a decade ago on Zelda forums and other chat-based websites, talking about how much I loved whatever fandom I was in at the time and having genuine and memorable interactions with like-minded individuals who felt the same way I do. Now, you have two options; if you hate media, you rip it to shreds, and if you love it, you word-salad it to death and parrot a joke about it that someone else said. I'm not saying people don't still talk seriously in a heartfelt way about the things they love, but it does not seem to be the initial reaction anymore. Do I have a solution to this problem? Of course not. I'm a 26 year old girl posting on a tumblr blog. If I had a solution, this is not where I would be dropping it. But conversation is God to man, and I believe in the ability to change things from the inside out. We make the rules, and we can change them.

Before I go, I'd like to just clarify that I am very grateful for my career, grateful to anyone who has ever given me and my art the time of day, grateful to anyone who has ever come up to me and connected with me over my work, and grateful for a life where someone making too many jokes is the worst part of my day. I do not think I am better nor smarter than anyone on or off the internet. I am simply a girl with big feelings and I enjoy talking about them with other people with big feelings, and it makes me sad when something avoidable or unnecessary gets in the way of that.

All in all, I love to love, and I love all of you, I love my life, I love this record, and mi amore vo- i mean.... oh, whatever.

(Feel free to sound off in the comments and please be nice to each other)

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madafact · 2 years ago

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nope

ill try to be concise and add as much detail as possible

sometimes writing can be a cover to a book that is about to be written, read, burned, or put down

my brother anthony john masters died on june 10th or 11th i cant remember, the days post have zero anchors or even dates. mostly just a sense of disbelief, and the need to still have to put on clothes, smile and get hair cuts and shit, ya know life bullshit, the stuff that doesnt fucking matter after you lose what you really have in this odd plain we occupy.

my first notice was a photo of his beautiful body being held captive by a hospital bed and three not even complete sentences,

"bicycle accident. head trauma. will be in for seven days"

this was sent by my most eloquent father, who will not hesitate to mention he is a writer who has a vocabulary that could sink the titanic.

how we communicate, to me, shows me the level of respect, admiration, reverence and connection you feel to someone. Ill let you connect those dots. but i will give you a hint at the ending, anthony died. and all the anger, disrespect, lack of trust was the missing words in the first transmission. i think ive said it before but my father does not like me nor does it seem he has any interest in knowing who i am. but this isnt about me

anthony was conscious for the first few days and the prognosis was picking up like the wind. the sun seemed to be parting the clouds and what seemed like just another 'slam at the park' was going to be in the rearview mirror. but ya know, another front moved in on it began to rain.

i have been well informed just how prickly of a cactus new york city can be, and if you dont respect the idea, then you become the grease that turn the wheels of incompetence. it seems incompetent doctors, nurses and medical staff cut anthonys life short. more on that later.

i arrived at the hospital to late to see my brother still squirming in this world and he let me know just what he thought of my tardiness. im trying to open the ICU doors (which open not by handle, but by button, and once initiated, do not stop not even for a 500 lb gorilla. my welter weight body was absolutely brushed aside, sat on my ass with a broken nose and blood, thanks ant, you loved a good board to the face or some shit like that.

anyway he was gone, his body was warm, in a failed attempt i tried to climb into his bed and kinda just spread over him like butter, backside stil moist from his path through life. i touched his chest, kissed his forehead, held his hands examined his post humous face, and went as far as to cut lochs of his beautiful hair for safe keeping, for as many years as i have left. he truly was a beautifully built creature, tats and all, scars, broken bones, off set nose and all. but when i got there, all that started its slow process of fading slowly, then quickly, and soon into ash.

even having him in my arms wouldnt let reality in. shock will be my blanket for the coming winter and it looks to be particulary brisk this season. it still hasnt set in. even after gallons of tears, thousands of racing thoughts, a landscape of sweaty palms and not much rest or fuel. its starting to take a toll. i showed up to a memorial for him a day early today. cold sores are tilling my lips and a general sense of seeking shelter on a partiulary blustery day is my commute to work these days.

the lochs of hair were for me but ya know, as soon as people see you getting something, they want it too. it wasnt supposed to be for everybody, its supposed to be for the ones who seized the opportunity. me.

but ya know find grace and share. even though...what ever.

i maybe spent 40 minutes to an hour with his physical form before the next step had to begin. the state makes money on beds, and once you dead, you out da bed. he was just another stat, another pair of pants to check for loose change and maybe an unspent bill or two. and they wanted us out to begin the search.

fuck the state, and those who tow its nets across the ocean floor decimating everything in its path to catch a few prizes and waste a whole host more souls.

fuck new york

fuck california

fuck me

so i guess thats the end of the experience, but it is only the beginning of the angelification of my brother. the people he affected, the tone (for lack of a better word) he set, the wake he created and the stories that will outlive him.

his chosen family was a mega group of friends made around the college years, fostered across both coasts and eventually planted in bay shore or point pleasant new jersey. a wonderful family of young and old. similiar age and even multiple species. but little was i aware, this was only a small portion of the spiders web. he had been very busy spinning intricate patterns that in the morning light and dew would mesmorize people. moths to flame but this was a bit more of like a cozy fire or even perfect coals to prepare food over.

california, new jersey, new york, mexico city, colorado, oregon, washington, and im probably forgetting a whole host, or just havent found out about the other places. multiple ceremonies were held for him, and are still being planned for future dates, future surf trips, future joy and happiness.

he truly went after being part of peoples love for life. he was a one way street to positive town. it took many forms, tropical mental attitude, tony masters association, boistrous, gregarious, know only for hug not handshakes.

the ceremony we held in the immediate day after was located in new jersy at the beach with more surfboards and beach toys than the coast could imagine. we were even granted passed past the usual, permits, rules etc. for a day, anthony has the bay head cops in his pocket and they nodded to his celebration while many local people looked around in an unusual jealous disbelief.

the waves were not typical for the time of year, the wind stayed the right direction, the sun shined ALL fucking day. all ages caught waves and hooted for each other. anthony was fully on display as his new angelic form. tending to the elements, playing jovial pranks and keeing safe passage for all. just like he always dreamed of. he had arrived. he had become that all powerful, undenieable indescribeable wonderful dream. the light was so bright i imagine. he must have felt the warmth. after all it is a very bright light that we must walk into.

im not even two days into the i think day 5 nightmare/ endless bummer that has no signs of slowing, callousing or even seeming at all acceptable. please help me find acceptance anthony. what happened to you was unacceptable but if your reward is the infinite, cheers dude

i think ill have to do this post based on emotional resources, because as i get to this point, crying in a coffee shop wearing sunglasses trying to stay low key. its not working. the sniffles are giving me away and my coffee cannot be sipped in a unrippled fashion. the hands tremble and my backspace button is just getting a workout.

so please forgive me as i collect myself, my thoughts, and look to the sky for the strength to even find reason to keep my foundation built by me, for myself to not come crashing down.

the crescendo continues..

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eddswrold-fandicc · 4 years ago

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Tomtord Smut

Tom was walking home from the bar, disappointed because it had been closed for cleaning today. Why today? Why couldn't be any other day? This day was the most shit for Tom.

First, he woke up late and missed breakfast. Then, he ran out of alcohol at home. And then Tord wouldn't stop poking at his face. And then Matt dropped his mirror on Tommee bear, getting glass shards in him. After that, Tom had also missed the lunch that Edd made, so he had to make himself a disappointment sandwich.

Today just sucked.

Tom was now at the front door of his shared house. He took a deep breath before walking in. Matt was on the sofa, reading a book with Matt on Matt action being played in the background.

Tom closed the front door and locked it for the night, "Where's everybody else?"

Matt put his finger on his book to keep his place before looking up at Tom, "Edd went to bed, and Todd went to take a shower a few minutes ago."

Tom nodded his head, and then dragged his tired feet to his room. He opened his bedroom door and plopped down on his bed, ready for this day to be over.

"Drunk Tom?"

Great. Now that commie bastard is gonna fuck with him some more today.

Tom turned his body, "No. The bar was closed."

Tord was standing in Tom's doorway with his elbow on the door frame, holding his body. He only had a towel on.

Tom watched a drop of water fall out of his hair, and onto his nose.

"Do you want a picture?" Tord teased.

Tom scoffed and turned back around, burying his face in his arms.

Soon enough, Tom fell asleep, finally glad this day was over with.

Until he was woken abruptly.

"Tom," his body was being shaken.

"Thomas, wake up.." who's shaking Tom's body?

"Please, wake up." Tom's eye opened.

Tord was sitting beside Tom, on his bed, "What the fuck do you want, commie?"

Tom was now upset that he'd been woken up.

"It's storming hard and the power went out. I cant see my hentai."

Tom now sat up, "You woke me up over the power being out?"

It was too dark to see Tord's face, but Tom could feel his body heat radiating from him. He was close.

"Yeah. I was wondering if you had a flashlight. I can't see my hentai."

Tom sighed, "You're not using my flashlight over your stupid cartoon porno. Especially after waking me up over something so stupid."

"Hentai," Tord corrected. "Then how am I supposed to get off? My phone is dead."

Tom made a face, but nobody could see it. "I don't know and I dont care. Get the fuck out of my room so I can sleep."

Then silence.

Tom didn't feel Tord move, he still felt his body heat.

"Commie."

No response.

"Go away."

Still no response.

"... Tord?"

Now Tom put his hands out in front of him to feel for Tord. He felt himself poke Tord's neck. Tord jumped at the sudden physical contact.

Then Tom felt movement. Tord was moving his arm. Tom put his hand on Tord's arm and trailed down to his hand to see what he was doing. And Tord wasn't stopping him.

Tom got to Tords hand and touched something wet. He immediately retreated his hand, "What the fuck! Are you jerking right beside me?! You fucking pervert, get out of here!"

"But Thomas, it felt good when you touched me. Do it again~"

"Get away from me." Tom bore through his teeth.

"Please touch me, Jehovah?"

"No. Go away," Tom repeated.

Then there was silence again. Tom suddenly felt a pair of warm hands on his shoulders, pushing him down onto his bed.

Tom was too confused to say anything.

"What if I touch you then~?" Tord's breath hit Tom's neck.

Tom's face immediately heated up and he felt himself getting hard.

No, this shouldn't be happening. Tom didn't like Tord like that, and he sure as hell wasn't gay. Then why is Tom getting hard from this? And why hasn't he said anything yet?

Tord started kissing and sucking on Tom's neck. Tom wasn't pushing him off, so he kept going.

Tord snaked his hand under Tom's hoodie, then under his shirt, and began pulling it off.

Tom was still silent. Maybe he did want this. He still doesn't know.

Tord used his knee to grind on Tom's crotch, and used his hands to rub on Tom's chest.

"Someone's hard." Tord cooed in Tom's ear.

Tom stayed silent as Tord continued kissing on Tom's neck, eventually moving down to his chest and collarbone. Tom bit his lip as Tord touched a sensitive area on his collarbone.

Then Tord stopped, "Tom say something." It was too quiet for him.

Tom thought of something to say. But couldn't think of anything.

"Are... Are you okay, Jehova?" Tord now had a hint of concern in his voice. Only a hint though.

Tom cleared his throat, "I think so.. I've never done this with a guy before and I dont know how i feel about it."

Tord got off of Tom, "Do you want me to stop?"

Tom thought for a moment.

"No. Let's keep going."

Now Tord was shocked. But didn't hesitate to go back down on Tom and continue to kiss on him.

He now used his hand to grind on Tom's clothed erection. Tom started breathing heavily, which Tord liked.

Tord unbuttoned Tom's jeans and pulled them off, along with his underwear, "Top or bottom?"

Do what now? Tord's letting him choose?

"Uhh. I don't know.. whatever I guess.."

Tord shrugged his shoulders and took Tom's cock into his mouth. The movement was so quickly that it caused Tom to jolt. He felt his face heat up like it never has before.

Tord began to quickly suck Tom's cock, making sure to get it all nice and wet.

Tom bit his lip again and closed his voided eyes. Maybe he did like this.

Tord pulled off of Tom's cock and climbed on top of him. Tom now realized that Tord had been naked this whole time. Tord positioned his entrance over Tom's slippery dick, and slowly pushed the head in.

Tord's breathing hitched as his rear end was in pain from the stretch. Tom grabbed Tord's thighs and began rubbing them, finally melting into this session.

And it was helping. Tord started pushing himself further down on Tom, and Tom was now aching to fuck Tord. He wished the lights were on so he can see Tord's face look so vulnerable.

Tord was now fully seated on Tom's cock, waiting for his walls to adjust to the stretch. Truth is, he's never done this before either. Maybe he should have grabbed some lube first.

Tord was taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Tom moved his right hand from Tord's thigh to his cock. Tord jolted. His tip was warm and leaking precum. Tord was aching to be touched.

Tom started teasing the tip, rubbing his thumb in a circular motion, and squeezing the tips of his fingers on the shaft. Tord's breathing was shuddering, and he started moving on Tom's cock, loving the pleasure brought to his own.

Tom took his hands off Tord's cock and onto his hips, earning a whimper from Tord. He used his hands to move Tord back and forth on his dick.

Tord placed his hands on Tom's bare chest and bit his lip. It hurt, but it also felt good.

Tord started moving on his own, taking Tom's hand and placing it back on his aching dick. Tom took the signal and began to pump his closed fist around Tord's cock.

Tord felt good like this. So he started making small moans. Tom kicked his head back and took in the pleasure that Tord was giving him. He started thrusting into Tord, causing Tord to gasp and moan kind of loudly.

Tom was now thrusting into Tord and jerking him off at the same time. Tord was a moaning mess, absolutely melting into Tom. And Tom liked seeing Tord so vulnerable. It turned him on even more, so he started thrusting harder and harder, until he heard Tord moan very loudly and his breath shudder.

Tom stopped, "Are you okay?" He couldn't see Tord's face.

"Mmmm... Hah.. y-yeah. Fuck me right there, Tom.. p-pleaseee" Tord moaned into Tom's chest.

So Tom did exactly what Tord asked. He thrusted his cock in that same spot again, earning a load moan from Tord, who was now shaking.

Tom started thrusting faster at that spot, making Tord go nuts. He was scratching at Tom's shoulders and arms, shaking and moaning, trying to kiss on Tom's chest.

Tom was absolutely loving it. Even though he couldn't see Tord's face, he liked the way Tord was acting. He started feeling Tord tighten around his cock. Tom began jerking Tord's cock faster and squeezing his waist with his other hand.

"OH! Ah~ T-T-Tommm.. I'm gon-na cum~! Please make m-mee cum" Tord moaned shakily.

Tom pounded into Tord's sweet spot a few more times before Tord wrapped his arms around Tom's head and nearly screamed into the crook of his neck. Tord's hot seed splattered on both of their stomachs.

But Tom wasn't stopping. Not when he's getting close.

Now Tord was going crazy with overstimulation.

"T-Om, please~! P-please I can't... I can't ta-take it.."

Tom wrapped his arms around a shaky and messy Tord as he made his final thrusts before shooting his load into Tord. Tom grunted as he rode out his orgasm, finally slowing down his pace and coming to a full stop.

Tord was still breathing heavily on him, like he just ran 3 miles, and making small moans.

"Let's hope you didn't wake anyone, commie. You're loud." Tom panted.

Then his phone buzzed. It was a text from Edd.

'Are you guys done yet? Matt is in my room scared because of you two.'

#tomtord #tordtom #bottom!tord #top!tom #sinsworld #swtom #swtord #eddsworld smut #tomtord smut #lemon #my work

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rommahh · 4 years ago

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Enough For You

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

{This is my first peter fic and theres more to come. I may make a part two of this- it depends though. This work is a complete work of fiction and doesnt follow the mcus storyline of peter parker at all. Just the characters. Anyways enjoy. Much love, R.}

Peter, as smart as he can be, was a complete and utter idiot. He could read an entire textbook on quantum physics, take a test on said textbook, and ace it like it was nothing. That's how intelligent he was. But when it came to the obvious things that didn't take place in the academic world- he was an oblivious idiot.

Y/N has had a crush on Peter since they were in elementary school. Everyone in Peter and Y/N’s inner circle saw how deep in love Y/N was with Peter- except for Peter. Y/N has spent years trying to tell him how she feels but he always just interprets it as Y/N telling him how much she loves their friendship- like the idiot he is.

As senior prom slowly approached Y/N waited for the moment where Peter would ask her to the dance. They both were not dance people but senior prom was so different. Y/N just wanted to spend the night with her closest friends before they all went their separate ways for college. Normally Y/N and Peter went to every dance together, but as prom got closer, Y/N started to worry that he wouldn't even ask her. And unfortunately, she was right to think that.

Ned, Peter, MJ, and Y/N all sat at a round table on their school's campus during their lunch period talking and eating. The conversation of prom came up making Y/N’s ears perk up hoping to hear the words she's been waiting for from Peter.

“So Peter, what are your prom plans?” MJ asked, chewing on some of Y/N’s carrots from her lunch. Y/N looked at Peter waiting for his answer. He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck to ease his nerves.

“I'm actually going to prom with Liz. I asked her yesterday after school and she said yes.” He smiled happily of the thought of him and Liz dancing at prom. Y/N on the other hand felt her heart clench uncomfortably. MJ looked just as shocked as Y/N hearing Peter's words. Ned looked up from his comic book as an uncomfortable silence filled the table.

Quickly, Y/N packed her lunch back into her lunch bag and slung her bookbag haphazardly over her shoulder. Her face was scrunched up as she tried to contain her tears. “Sorry guys, I completely forgot that I have to help Mrs. Anderson with some...thing.”

Rushing away, the group was left to watch Y/N’s figure scurry away from the table. Tom looked at her in confusion before looking at his other best friends trying to figure out what had just happened.

“What just happened? Is she Ok?” He asked getting his stuff ready so he could go and follow the girl. MJ put a hand on his arm to stop him from packing up.

“I think you should just let her be alone for a minute… So you and Liz huh?”

“I- yeah I've had a crush on her for years now. I thought I told you guys this.” Peter’s hands fiddled with the book in front of him. Ned shared a look with MJ making Peter look at them confused again. “Guys, what aren't you telling me? What's going on?”

“Sorry dude, it's not our place to say. You should probably talk to her after school.” Ned replied, patting Peter on the back trying to comfort him. The bell interrupted any further conversation from happening. The trio went their separate ways to class after saying an awkward goodbye.

Peter spent the whole day with his mind clouded with thoughts. He racked his brain for any possible reason as to why Y/N were so upset.

After school, Peter showed up to a Y/N’s house hoping to talk to the girl and figure out why his best friend was so upset. Y/N’s mom gave Peter a small smile when he approached the house, nodding her head to where the backyard was located to say where Y/N was at.

Y/N sat on a quilt made by her grandmother on the soft gras of her backyard. A large tree covered her from the sun that was slowly beginning its descent into the night. She looked up from the book she was reading hearing the sound of footsteps coming towards her. Peter stood there, backpack on one shoulder, hands in both sweater pockets just waiting.

“Hey.” Peter said, setting his backpack down before sitting across from the girl on the soft quilt.

“Hi Peter.” She quietly replied, keeping her head low so she couldn't meet his eyes.

“Can you tell me what happened today? You seemed upset. Did something happen in class?” He asked, his hand reaching out to tilt her face to look at him. She looked at his face, seeing his furrowed eyebrows and watching as his eyes searched her face for any clue as to what was wrong.

“You're taking Liz to prom.” She finally spoke after a moment of silence.

“I'm taking Liz to prom.” He confirmed still sitting there in confusion.

“I wanted you to ask me to prom.”

“Oh.” Y/N stopped looking at Peter, her hands playing with the frayed edges of her ripped jeans.

“Oh? You always ask me to school dances and I just thought…”

“Thought what? Y/N I dont get what you're saying. We did go to past dances together but this is prom you know. I really like Liz so I asked her.” He said still not putting two and two together to understand the issue.

“To be the smartest boy in our school, you are the biggest idiot ever.” Peter scoffed, offended by her comment. “Peter, I love you.”

“What?” Peter was shocked by her statement.

“I've liked you since the 4th grade and I guess I assumed you had started to like me too. I thought you were going to ask me to prom because you- you liked me too?” She looked at him again, face flushed and shoulders tense with anxiety.

“Y/N...I'm sorry but I- I dont like you like that. I didn't know that you did like me like that.” He watched as her shoulder dropped in defeat. Tears pooled in her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. She quickly wiped her face off with her hands. “Please don't cry, i'm so sorry. I still want to be friends though.”

She chuckled at his words. “I don't think we can be friends, Peter. I think it would be best for myself if we weren't friends.”

Her words cut like knives through his heart. He stood up abruptly as anger flooded through his body.

“So we can't be friends now? We've been friends since kindergarten. You are my best friend Y/N and you're going to throw it away over this?” His voice rose as he spoke. Y/N stood as well, anger taking over her as she listened to Peter raise his voice at her.

“Do you know what it feels like to watch someone you love not love you back?” She yelled at him, Peter’s eyes widened in shock having never heard his best friend speak like this before. “Do you know what it's like to watch the person you love have crushes on everybody but you? Do you know what it's like to not be enough? What is it about Liz that I don't have? You don't even know her!”

“You're mad at me for not liking you back? I can't control my feelings Y/N and I'm sorry for that but I don't want to lose our friendship. Please don't do this.” He held her face in his hands brushing the stray tears from her face. She shook her head free, backing away from him. Her hands clutched her arms, folding on top of her chest.

“I'm sorry Peter that I couldn't be good enough for you.” She gave him a small heartbroken smile before grabbing the book she was reading and went inside of her house. Peter watched as his best friend walked away from him for the second time that day. His chest felt tight, hands shaking as he thought about the ending of friendship he held dear to his heart.

Peter dreaded going to school. He spent the whole night being forced awake by panic attacks and non-stop crying. He had never felt a heartbreak like this. He's heard people say that friendship breakups are harder than relationship breakups and Peter can attest to that. Granted he's never been in a relationship, but he's going through a heartbreak he's never felt before.

He got ready for school slowly, relishing in the comfort of his room before exiting out into the living room of the apartment. He gathered his backpack that had been thrown carelessly in the living room out of anger as Aunt May watched him from the hallway before her bedroom. She decided against asking him what was wrong because she didn't want him to become even more upset on his way to school. Her heart aches as she watches her boy frown and wander around with sadness looming on his face.

At school, Ned and Mj waited for Peter at his locker like the group normally does. This time, Y/N was nowhere to be seen. Peter walked up to his locker, unlocking it and grabbing his things from inside of it for class.

“Did you guys know she liked me?” Peter asked after standing in silence with the group for a few moments. They looked at Peter in pity before nodding yes. Peter shook his head, upset with himself for never noticing the obvious feelings coming from his best friend.

The group walked to their first period class, Ned and Mj making small talk whereas Peter walking listening in on the conversation. Sitting in their normal seats, they waited for the first bell to ring that determined when the first period would begin.

The door of the classroom opened showing Y/N with arms filled with her textbooks and backpack slipping off of her arms. MJ thought Peter looked bad but Y/N probably looked worse. Her eyes were puffy carrying bags of sleeplessness and her overall appearance looked tired. The Y/N the group knew would come to school always dressed for success wearing the cutest outfits and makeup done to perfection. She wasn't over the top with it but she always looked so well put together. Today, she was wearing leggings and a ratty hoodie. Her hair didn't look like it normally did, her face was bare of makeup.

She moved slowly looking for an open table in the classroom. She saw one in the back of the room near the window and walked over to claim it as her own. Her friend group watched in shock as she walked past them and towards the empty table. Peter’s chest hurt so bad watching her walk past them. Mj and Ned were upset too but they had spoken to her before school and understood her want for space.

“She doesn't have to sit all the way over there.” Peter whispered still staring at Y/N as she settled into her seat in the back of the room.

“It's ok, she just wants space and that's ok.” Mj reassured him, rubbing his shoulder as he laid his head down on the table. He didn't know how he would cope without his best friend or lack thereof.

Lunchtime came sound and normally the friend group would sit outside together if the weather was nice. They've always done this since freshman year. They would sit at the wood tables and share their lunch with each other. Y/N would normally share her fruits and vegetables knowing that her friends packed unhealthy junk food.

Today was different though. Mj, Peter, and Ned sat at the table without her. Her spot at the table is empty leaving an uncomfortable gap at the round table. Y/N found herself seated inside of the library by the window that looked out on the wooden tables she would normally sit at.

Y/N sat in the quiet library crying her eyes out as she watched her friends comfort Peter. She was hurting so bad knowing that she ruined her friendship. She wishes that she never said anything. That she just let Peter be happy with his newfound relationship with Liz. She wanted to be happy for him but she had some resentment towards him. She understood he couldn't control his feelings but she hurt knowing that he never in the years they've known each other he's never looked at her more than a friend.

She wiped her tears from her face, pulling her neatly packed lunch box out of her backpack. She stared down at her lunch, sad that she had no one to share with anymore.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit here?” A voice said from above Y/N. Looking up she saw Bryant, another senior in her class, standing with his lunch.

“Oh- yeah, sure, of course.” Y/N stuttered making room at the table for his things. The table was large enough for the two of them so there was no real reason for her to say that he couldn't sit with her. Bryant was the captain of the baseball team at their highschool. He wasn't like the cliche popular kids at school who stayed within their cliques but he was very sweet and attentive to anyone he crossed paths with.

“Thank you! I saw you sitting by yourself and it kinda looked like you needed a friend.” He commented setting his salad from the cafeteria down along with his backpack that seemed too empty for a highschool seniors backpack. “So, how's today going for you?”

Y/N was taken aback by the boy's boldness. This was her first time ever talking to him and he wants to know about her day? She was baffled.

“I-It's been slow I guess. I'm ready to go home honestly.” He nodded, chewing on his salad.

“I feel that. I wish I could go home after school. I've got prom preparation after school, so annoying.” He rolled his eyes at the thought. “I don't know if you know but my name is Bryant, it's real nice to meet you.”

Sticking his hand out to shake, Y/N grasped it hesitantly.

“I'm Y/N, I think we had english together last year.”

“Yeah we did didn't we. I hated that class, you were awesome in it though.” She blushed at the compliment. “But yeah, I know who you are. You're apart of Peter’s little group.”

“Oh yeah, I was.” She shrugged emotions overwhelming her again.

“Was? You obviously don't have to tell me, but I hope you're ok.” Bryant smiled at Y/N and Y/N was blown away by his kindness.

“Peter and I aren't friends anymore. He's going to prom with Liz and I just thought that maybe he would have asked me.” Bryant felt bad for Y/N. He could see how hurt she was despite her wearing a smile on her face. Y/N wasn't a stranger in this school. She played a large role in academics and actively participated in multiple clubs. The Y/N Bryant saw before wasn't present today and it was sad.

“I know we've just met but I don't have a date to prom either...if you would like to go with me. I wanted to go with Jordan but it turns out he is not actually into very beautiful and athletic boys.” Y/N laughed along with Bryant.

“I would love to go to prom with you as long as we can coordinate outfits.” Bryant laughed some more agreeing with her. Y/N looked down at the lunch before sliding over a few snacks toward Bryant. Y/N still felt the sadness of letting go of her best friend lingering with her but it felt nice to meet someone new. Not someone to replace her Peter but someone to remind her that life goes on and that she'd be ok in the long run.

Weeks have passed since Peter and Y/N’s fallout and it was a weird few weeks. School was coming to an end, cap and gowns were slowly being handed out for graduation and prom posters were posted everywhere.

Y/N was still avoiding Peter at all costs but she apologized to Ned and Mj for ignoring their feelings. She didn't want them to feel like they had to be in the middle of this mess. She didn't want them to feel like she also ditched them too. They understood her, they knew how hard it was for her to remove herself from their friend group for the sake of her mental health.

Y/N and Bryant continued to grow closer. He was a good distraction from her current problems. She also learned that he was bisexual and that Jordan was also on the baseball team who was too scared to come out and go to prom with Bryant. Bryant was someone Y/N didn't expect to befriend her. His kindness made her feel so much better after what had happened.

Peter struggled badly. He had been so happy to finally get the girl he had been pining after for years but seeing Y/N cry because of him hurt so much. It made him rethink his whole friendship with her. Did he really only think of her as a friend?

Peter watched everyday as Y/N grew closer to Bryant, a warm feeling entered his belly every time he saw the two together. It wasn't a pleasant warm feeling, it was a feeling that made him overthink everything he did. It was a feeling that made his face scrunch up and his head fill with sickness. His thoughts became muddled, words not making sense as he watched the two. He was jealous. Did he recognize it as jealousy, no, because Peter was an idiot.

Prom season was hectic and fun all at the same time. People were hardcore prepping for the dance. Money was being saved for the before dance dinner and the stretch limo that would provide a chariot to the dance.

The mall was beyond crowded, Bryant led the way with Y/N pushing through crowds of people to reach the small dress shop they had been dying to go to all day. The small dress shop was locally owned by a hispanic couple who hand made the dresses in the shop. The dresses they had were beautiful, all arraying from different colors, sizes, and silhouettes. Y/N tried on almost every dress in the store that was in her size.

“This is useless, these dresses are gorgeous but I feel like I look so stupid.” Y/N huffed sitting next to Bryant on the velvet loveseat that sat in front of the dressing room. Y/N was near tears out of pure frustration.

“Stop it, I thought you looked amazing in every single one of those dresses. I think you're just too into your own head. What's up girl?” He put an arm around her shoulders laying his head on top of hers.

“I just want to look good. Good like Liz…” She whispered the last part out of embarrassment. Bryant scoffed.

“You're joking right? You two are incomparable people. She's pretty in her own ways just as you are. Are you comparing yourself to her because of Peter?” Bryant exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of the woman who owns the shop.

“Peter likes Liz.” Was all that Y/N could muster, pouting at her own words.

“Here mija.” The woman who owned the shop came walking over to Y/N with a beautiful pink dress in her hands. “I made this a week ago but havent even put it on the floor yet.”

Y/N shook her head furiously, “No I couldn't.”

“No, please try it on and if you like it, it's yours.” The woman insisted on a bright smile playing on her face.

“Its-Its mine?”

“Yes honey, you obviously need this dress more than I do. You need a dress that will make you feel beautiful and I think this will do.”

Y/N tried on the dress watching it flow down to the floor. It was a pretty pink color with flowers at the top. Buttons adorned the middle of the dress cinching the waist and the bottom of the dress flowed to the floor in bunches.

Stepping out of the dressing room, dressed clad on her body, Bryants mouth dropped in shock at the sight of her.

“Holy….” He was at a loss for words. Y/N blushed, turning to look at herself in the mirror, her own mouth dropping in shock.

“...Shit” She finished.

“You look amazing mija. It's all yours, please, you have to wear that to your dance.” The woman begged Y/N. Y/N nodded, smiling at herself in the mirror. It had been weeks since she felt like her normal self. She had spent so many days pondering about why Peter liked Liz more than her. Why Liz got Peter versus Y/N getting peter. But now it wasn't about Peter.

The woman walked with Y/N up to the front of the store, carefully wrapping the dress in a delicate box.

“No boy should ever determine his worth.” The woman said, handing the box over. “You are beautiful and I'm sure Liz is too but you, you are a gorgeous young woman who will encounter many men or women or people in general who will want to be in your life simply because you are you.”

Y/N thought about the shop owner's words as both Bryant and her maneuvered through the mall's crowds. Y/N grasped the corner of Bryants elbow as he carried their shopping bags. He made small jokes making Y/N laugh. He kissed her on the cheek endearingly as she laughed some more.

Unknown to Y/N, Peter stood a few feet away from the couple as they walked by holding onto each other looking like...a couple. That warm feeling reentered Peter's belly, sickness looming over his head making him feel lightheaded. Peter watched the couple walk away with sadness filling his heart. He missed being Y/N’s best friend. He missed their walks through the mall where he would buy her all the pretzels she wanted while holding her bags of useless junk she spent hundreds on. He missed her.

Prom night came quickly after finals finished on campus. Y/N put on her dress and had her hair and makeup done by her mom. Standing in front of her mirror she made sure she was ready to go. Her mother called her to the front door signalling Bryant was there to pick her up.

Bryant showered Y/N in compliments, getting his matching pink tie tied by Y/N’s dad. They both exchanged corsages and boutineers that were adorned by pretty white flowers. They took pictures in the backyard by Y/N’s tree posing in silly poses and in your typical prom poses.

Peter stood outside of Liz’s house filled with dread. He realized that this was not the place that he wanted to be. He wanted to be at Y/N’s house taking pictures, eating her parents food, and laughing about the stupid things they normally joke about. He wanted to watch as Y/N showed off her dress to him. He wanted to be the one to bring her a bouquet of flowers that she would dry up in her journal for safe keeping. But instead he was here, in front of Liz’s mansion, hurting.

The dance was at full blast when Y/N and Bryant arrived- late because Bryant believed being fashionably late was the best type of late. They walked around the venue hand in hand as Bryant showed off all of the things he contributed to the dance. Bryant left Y/N in the flower photo room having been called away to help fix something for the dance. Y/N admired the walls covered in small and large flowers.

“Woah.” Someone gasped from behind Y/N. Turning around she came face to face to a red faced peter. “You look…ethereal, is that even the right word?”

Peter couldn't stop staring at how beautiful Y/N looked. Her dress made her stand out from the rest. Butterflies erupted in his stomach replacing the warm feeling of jealousy he had been previously feeling.

“Oh, hi Peter.” Y/N was filled with nerves as he slowly walked towards her. “How are you?”

“I don't feel too good honestly. I messed up a really good thing I think and I want to fix it. I never realized how much you meant to my life until I lost you. I know that's cheesy but it's true.” He quietly uttered, staring into her eyes. “I don't want us to stop being friends and I think I do like you.”

“You think?” She questioned looking at him hopefully.

“I- yeah I think.”

He thinks. He doesn't know if he likes her but he thinks he does. Y/N shook her head disappointed.

“Peter, I've spent the last three weeks wondering why I wasn't good enough for you to like me. I only just realized that I was good enough maybe not for you but for other people. Since we were kids I always did things in hopes of catching your attention. I joined the debate team because you did. I joined the academic team because you became the captain. I even tried to apply to be an intern at stark industries so I could work with you without even realizing that stark industries didn't have internships. And that spiderman started appearing a lot more after said internship appeared.” She had a knowing smile on her face.

“Oh so you know.” He looked down at the ground embarrassed to be exposed.

“Peter, I know so much about you. I know you better than Mj and Ned that's the whole reason why we are best friends. I know how you like your sandwiches- breakfast and lunch. I know how you organize your school work. I know that you like to specifically request time in the lab in the morning because all of the equipment is freshly washed and you like to first pick at the goggles and coats. Peter, I know you don't like me. You feel bad and miss me but you don't like me.” She walked to him, placing her hands on his cheeks. He melted into her hands.

“But I think I do Y/N.”

“Ok so say you think you like me, I would prefer to have you when you know you like me not when you have only developed small feelings after not having me for a few weeks. Peter, I'm in love with you. I'm in a lot deeper than a few small feelings. I don't want to make you be in a relationship when we are in two very different places.” She sniffled a little one hand coming to stop the tears from ruining her makeup.

“I want nothing more than to be your best friend again but I can't.” He couldn't stop his tears from falling at those words. “I can't go back to being the girl who did nothing for herself and everything for the boy she loves. I need more for myself. I'm going to college and I don't even know how to just be me without you and I need to learn how.”

He absorbed her words, crying free flowing tears.

“I want you to be happy Y/N.” He nodded, she swiped her thumbs under his eyes. She smiled sweetly at him. Placing a sweet kiss on his lips, Y/N gave him one last smile before walking away from him.

Y/N walked away with her heart feeling light. She felt like a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her intent wasn't to hurt Peter but she needed to say what had been in her mind for weeks. She knew he would eventually move on from his slight crush on her and so would she. She would move on eventually, it would be a slow and hard process but it would happen. And she would never fully get over him. She's been in love with him since they were kids- it's all she's ever known. But for right now she was focusing on loving herself and growing into the person she was meant to be- without Peter.

#peter parker #peter parker x y/n #peter x you #peter parker oneshot #peter parker imagine #peter parker angst #spider man #spiderman x you #tom holland #tom holland x reader

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reidyoulikeabook · 4 years ago

Text

Right Where You Left Me

Ship: BAU! Gender Neutral! reader x Spencer Reid

#Request - Could you do some angst with “you dont deserve my forgiveness?” Any ship!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of death, violence, injury (not serious), angst, mourning, a lot of tears. Also, swearing, anger, fighting (verbal, not physical.)

Summary: You and Spencer Reid had been together for a year before he ‘died.’ You grieved him. You mourned him.

A/N: Title stolen from my (current) favourite Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about this one but! Here it is anyway! My requests are open & pls feel free to let me know what you think!!

14 days and 30 minutes exactly

You don’t think about the day Spencer Reid died. You can’t, because even remembering he’s dead feels as if an ice bucket has been tipped over your head. Not even now, two weeks later, have you really gotten over the initial shock that you felt. Every waking moment felt like you were trying to solve some kind of never-ending puzzle. Each emotion was overwhelming, too much to process. It felt like things would only start to get better, like everybody promised they would, when you started to be able to name the emotions rather than describe them as the physical sensations they brought on.

And you didn’t think that’d happen anytime soon.

The shared apartment was too much. You hadn’t slept in your bed since he’d been gone, and forbid anyone else from going into the bedroom. It was a sanctuary.

You understood now more than ever why victims families never changed a thing about the room of their loved ones. Every single thing felt deliberate. Theirs. It was a reflection of the time they were most alive, living. A unique snapshot of them in motion. The mess they left that they expected to come home to.

Rationally, you knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a sock hanging off Spencer’s bedside table, or a clean cardigan balled up on the floor, for any reason other than he’d been in a rush that morning, and had left an uncharacteristically large mess in his wake. In more ways than one.

***

2 months, 5 days, 8 hours

Being back at work helps somewhat, but the office feels empty without him there to ramble off factoids about anything and everything, to hear Morgan calling him ‘kid’ every five minutes. He only called you that now.

Simmons is nice, really he is. It isn’t his fault he’s there in place of Spencer and you try hard not to feel personally aggrieved by his presence. He doesn’t do anything to antagonise you, he stays out of your way more than anything. You don’t do anything to purposely make him uncomfortable: you do try to be agreeable and make small talk. But it’s hard not to look at him without thinking how, if everything was how it should be, Spencer would be stood in his place.

***

3 months, 26 days, 3 hours.

There is no ‘new normal.’ You’ve heard the term tossed around a few times in relation to grief, but if there is a new normal you’re still struggling to find it. When you’re not on cases, there’s no ‘normal’. You still don't sleep in your own bed. Sometimes you stay on Rossi’s, or Morgan’s, or Garcia’s couch. Sometimes, read: maybe once, it’s in the spare room at the place you and Spencer used to share. Sometimes, when you get worried about being a burden, it’s a hotel. It’s easier to feel as if you’re choosing to stay away from home, rather than acknowledging that home, as you understand it, no longer exists.

You still wake up and instinctually search for Spencer most mornings. Sure, work is keeping you occupied and you smile a little more these days. You even allowed yourself to be dragged out for drinks last weekend. But nothing feels like it should. You don’t know if that’s normal for grief or if you just aren’t moving forward at all, doomed to tread yourself deeper into the melancholic quicksand that’s got a hold on you.

You talk at length about it with Garcia over wine one night.

“Nothing feels right,” you admit, “Everything just feels...”

Garcia waits, just tipping her chin slightly to encourage you to continue. She’s got the counsellor act down and you’d have the decency to feel embarassed if you weren’t just so damn exhausted all the time.

“I feel trapped, I guess. Like I’m frozen. I keep thinking maybe it’ll get better once the trials over. Once the whole legal aspect of it is over and put to bed, then maybe I’ll have some closure on the whole situation,” you mumble, “I just don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward. And I know it’s only been three months but I’ve only stayed at our apartment twice and I can’t bring myself to move any of his things and...”

She just waits. In that moment, you’re so grateful for her.

“I’m stuck here. I can’t change anything. I can’t bring myself to move any of his things. I’m paying rent on a place I don’t live in but I can’t move because how can I live somewhere he’s never been? I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t move out of the world he lived in but the world is moving on even without him. And I’m just...I’m just here, Garcia.”

She nods sympathetically, placing her hand on your arm, “Maybe it’ll help when the case is wrapped up. When you have that closure.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “Yeah. I hope so.”

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she says, gently, “And you don’t have to say it. But if you’re holding back because you feel guilty then you don’t have to feel guilty about anything you say to me, my darling.”

You start to well up then. The pressure in your chest is heavy, something akin to guilt. It slices into your chest, cut glass sitting between your ribs and slicing you open every time you breathe in. You’ve been thinking it a lot lately. Too much. It’s making you feel awful and you can’t decide if putting it out into the world verbally is going to be a release or make it feel too real.

Garcia waits patiently.

You decide to believe it’ll be the former, then whisper, “I wish I loved him less. I wish I’d loved him less so this wouldn’t hurt as much.”

And then the sobs come. The sobs that wrack your chest and sting your eyes and leave you looking like you’ve been on the receiving end of an upper cut. Because how could you? How could you possibly want to take back any of the love you had so willingly, freely, given to the person you loved most? What kind of person did it make you to want to take back the good memories: to wish that instead of having waffles on the couch that last Sunday, you’d had a fight about the library fine he’d gotten because of you? How could you want to switch the puzzle pieces to create a less idyllic picture of your life together, just so you wouldn’t feel so much loss when you looked at it?

She just rubs your back through it, knowing that no words can help but still saying the thing she thinks you need to hear most, “That doesn’t make you a bad person, sugar plum. That makes you human.”

***

4 months, 6 days, 14 hours.

Hotch calls you all into the briefing room.

“A few months ago a decision had to be made. Somebody had the potential to make an incredible breakthrough on a case that had been airtight for years. But it wasn’t possible for that individual to complete that work without cover. They needed to be officially gone,” Hotch’s voice booms but you swear you can hear a hesitation, “It wasn’t necessary at the time for you to have that information. Providing you with it would have compromised the safety of one of our agents, and the integrity of their investigation.”

You glance around the room, confused, noticing everyone is sharing the same bewildered look. Except Emily.

“I apologise completely for having to keep this from you, it was a decision that was not taken lately, and I did not have the final say. That being said, any discontent about this decision should be directed towards me,” he glances towards Emily, and she’s looking nervous now.

Hotch lets out a huff, somehow more tense than usual, “SSA Reid was not killed after the attack in Seattle. That was his cover, but he was investigating a case.”

He’s still talking but you can’t hear anything. SSA Reid was not killed. SSA Reid was not killed. You flip the sentence over a hundred times. And for the millionth time since SSA Reid was killed, you have no idea what you feel.

There’s uproar from everybody. Shouting. And then Hotch says something and everybody is looking at you, scanning you for a reaction and you have nothing. Nothing at all.

“Hi,” a voice from the doorway, nervous and shy, a voice you’ve only heard in dreams and voicemails and recordings from nights out that you must have watched hundreds of times by now, if they were tapes you would have worn them out long ago.

And you know you can’t face him. You can’t face any of them.

You look around the room, first at Hotch whose eyes flicker with what looks like remorse. Then, at Emily who just looks guilty as all hell. You don’t look at him. You can’t look at him.

The tension in the room is palpable but in your peripheral you see Garcia and J.J flock to the doorway, embracing him.

Rossi, is the one who comes to you, “____?”

You stare at him, completely blankly, “Yeah?”

“You need to speak to him. Need to hear him out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, allowing him to help you to your feet. His reassuring hands on your shoulders turn you around and you meet his face. The face of the boyfriend you spent the last four months mourning while everybody watched you fall apart. And half of them knew.

So that’s what you feel. Anger.

“Glad you’re back,” you snipe, pushing past him, “Glad you’re alive.”

Everybody watches you go. A tense silence fills the room. Spencer clears his throat, after what feels like an eternity, muttering, “I-I’ll go after ... I’ll go and see if I can...”

It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for, if he’s honest. Although he wasn’t sure what exactly he’d been expecting.

“____ please, just let me talk to you, I’m sorry, please just let me have a chance to explain,” He manages to catch you at the elevator just in time, slipping through the gap with his lithe body, “Please. I need to explain. I need to apologise.”

“You can apologise as much as you want. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You’ll never deserve my forgiveness.”

The venom in your tone leaves him floundering.

“___ please,” he’s begging, and you won’t look at him because you can hear the tears in his voice and he’s begging again, “Please, please look at me, please listen to me. You have to understand, you have to give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’ve never been this angry at him before. But you are now. It consumes you, you’ve never understood a crime of passion before and you’re not going to put your hands on him, of course, but fuck do you understand it now. How a person could just snap. The rage swells in you, screaming. Every muscle in your body is tense. It takes all you have to ball your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palm so hard you’re sure they break the skin. You’re furious. Furious at every single one of them.

“You lied to me,” you spit, “You lied to me and let me think you were dead. You and Hotch and Emily. I didn’t sleep in our bed for four months, Spencer. I’ve spent the past four months frozen, like, I couldn’t move forward without you. I didn’t start to move on. I've spent the last four months falling apart and trying to find a way to put myself back together without you, and then what, you just come back? You think we can just go back to normal? Spencer, I didn’t feel alive this past few months. I’ve been floating through, barely keeping it together. And for what? A case? That was important enough for you to do this to me?"

It’s true, you’ve spent the last four months feeling like you were the one who died. That you were united in being ghosts, except you were haunting all the places you used to go together, and he was just haunting your dreams. And he’d been alive. This. Whole. Time.

You storm out of the lift, lifting your head to look at him for only the second time in four months, “Please. Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”

He knows you aren’t wrong. Knows he doesn’t know if he could forgive you if the roles were reversed. Knows, more than anything, that he’s really fucked things up. You’ll never forgive him. That’s what you said, and right now, seeing anger like never before in your eyes, he has no reason whatsoever to doubt that isn’t completely true.

You don’t even make it to the parking lot before you feel your resolve melt into absolutely nothing. Anger descending into relief, hot tears cascading down your cheeks as the mantra starts again on a new loop in your head: SSA Reid was not killed.

#spencer reid fanfic #imagine spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid #imagine criminal minds #criminal minds x you #bau!reader

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pthalomars · 4 years ago

Text

Synopsis of Jay's Empire AU⚡⚡

[[Made by me and @culturalmochi ]]

The way it starts out is that Jay goes on a solo mission, finds the hard drive for Prime Empire, and gets trapped in the game.

Nobody knows where he went, so the ninja are desperately trying to find him.

Time in game moves a lot faster than in real life, so a few weeks for the ninja is a few months (close to a year) inside of the game.

Jay met Scott and he showed him the ropes of the game, but tried to subtly warn him about Unagami. Jay spent a lot of time leveling up and grinding so he could get high stats, but later found out that he wasn't able to leave or communicate with the outside world. Enter Unagami.

Unagami tells Jay that he sees potential in him, and that he's impressed with his progress through the game. They begin to have a sort of mentor/mentee kind of relationship.

Once again, time moves much faster in game. So jay starts to miss the real world and tells Unagami that he misses his friends. Unagami tells Jay, "if they were really your friends, they would have come back for you by now, wouldn't they?"

Later on, Jay is approached by none other than the ninja! His dearest friends finally coming back to rescue him and bring him home!

But as he spends more time with them, something feels... wrong. It turns out they're NPC's, and in his mission objective list, it says he has to "discard" them. So he does, and they crumble into little pixelated cubes. He levels up.

This repeats several times, each time the ninja dupes become more rude, indifferent, hateful. At some point they become so far removed from their true counterparts that the only thing in common they share is their appearances.

Then comes the time where Unagami is ready to open the game to the rest of the world. He brings Jay to help him spread the word by broadcasting an advertisement for Prime Empire.

That's when the ninja find out where Jay has been this whole time.

So the real gang enters Prime Empire and find Jay, who looks displeased to see them even if he tries to hide it.

Everyone is so happy to see him and to bring him out of the game, surrounding him with hugs and tears of joy.

But then Jay checks his objectives. "Discard the ninja". It's the same as it's always been, so he goes along with it.

But as Jay journeys with his friends through the game, he slowly comes to the realization that they aren't NPC's.. they're his real friends.

Scott, when he was first sucked in by the game, leveled up really fast and eventually gained the attention of Unagami. Unagami said he saw "great potential" in him and gave him access to the coding of the game. For Scott, this means he can essentially influence and change parts of the game, but not always by his own free will. With him being connected to the coding, that includes his thoughts, emotions, memories, trauma, etc. this connection also gave Unagami a way to keep track of where Scott was and what he was doing at all times.

so eventually, Unagami wants to bring empire to the physical world, but he needs help getting the world out. he tells Scott his plan and Scott is like "actually, fuck this :)" and escapes from Unagami. in order to keep him from tracking his every move, Scott cuts off his own connection to the game's code. He hunkers down in his hideout and tries to plot a way to a)escape and b)prevent Unagami from taking over the real world.

so finally, Jay enters the game! Scott finds him running away from red visors and picks him up and takes him to his hideout. Scott explains the general rules of the game, gives him tips on how to survive, glitches, cheats, all of it. but he tries to warn him about Unagami and Jay is too enraptured with the thrall of the game to pay any mind to Scott's warnings. Jay starts leveling up and progressing, very similar to how Scott did, and gained the same kind of attention from Unagami. he saw great potential in him. at that point, Scott says that Jay can't come to the hideout anymore, and Jay asks why. Scott says "i already told you, but you didn't listen to me." and so Jay goes to Unagami. Unagami promises him steep advantages in the game, protection, etc and Jay is going along with it because, to him, its still just a game. the gravity of the situation hasn't quite hit him yet. he doesn't know that he's trapped.

so now, Jay and Unagami have a sort of mentor/mentee kind of relationship, and Jay very much fits into the role of the teachers pet. the red visors are **VERY** protective of him and will often accompany him wherever he goes unless he tells them to leave (sometimes they listen, sometimes they dont). There is one red visor who is particularly close to Jay. she goes with him everywhere and is the most protective of him compared to the other RV's. Jay tries to talk with her sometimes, and one day he asks her what her name is. her voice glitches out a lot, like something is corrupted in her code. she repeats "four o-oh four-r-r AA e-rror-r four o-o-oh four-r AA" and Jay is like "hmm.. rora? can i call you rora?" and she just nods at him. (Rora becomes important later!!)

so anyways, going back to how Unagami has adopted Jay as his mentee, Jay has the same kind of access to the game's coding that Scott does. including the influence of his memories and past traumas. this manifests in several ways, but one of which is how the NPC clones of the ninja interact with him. Jay has a lot of issues with self esteem and often fears that nobody really cares about him, finds him annoying, etc. so with each iteration of the ninja dupes, they become meaner and meaner until the only resemblance they share to their irl counterparts is their physical appearance.

Jay (not realizing that Unagami is the one creating the dupes) goes to Unagami to vent about how he misses his friends and wishes they could join him in the game. Unagami tells Jay "if they were really your friends, they would have come for you by now. They probably forgot about you. but it's not you ever needed them anyways. here, you are powerful, loved by everybody, adored by the masses. in here, you are important." gotta love that gaslight gatekeep gameboss moment. eventually, Unagami is ready to bring prime empire to the physical world once he's seen Jay get to the same point that Scott was at. Unagami says that he needs Jays help to deliver the message, and that crossing the line between digital and physical means that Jay can go back to the real world while still maintaining the same power and reputation he has in the game. Jay agrees and works with Unagami to make an advertisement.

this is the advertisement script:

[Do you want to join Prime Empire?

“What is Prime Empire?” it’s a fully immersive, futuristic video game experience! Using the latest virtual emulation technology, players are quite literally part of the game. Customize your avatar, meet other players, level up, and compete in tournaments!

“But how do I join?” The answer is simple, silly! Prime Empire can be found in your arcades, in your consoles, even on your phones! You would have to live under a rock to not find your way in.

“How do I win?” Your quest is to seek out the legendary Keytanas. But be warned, there are challenges that you will face. Deadly forests, dangerous races, and more! Will you rise above the rest and claim your rightful victory?

Join today, but don’t delay! Only the first 100 players will get a chance to meet yours truly (winks). In the Super Star Rocking Jay event, I will teach you the ropes of the game, along with exclusive tips that will give you an advantage over other players!

Do you have what it takes? Prove your worth and become part of Prime Empire!]

however, Scott has caught wind of the ad, and so he hacks into the broadcast and tries to warn everybody to "STAY OUT OF PRIME EMPIRE!!" but once again, his warnings fall on deaf ears.

however, now the ninja know where Jay has been all this time! they manage to be part of the 1st 100 players in the game and go to the super star rocking Jay event. Kai, Nya, Lloyd, Cole, pixal and zane all get in the game. but due to their own coding, pixal and zane despawn and get plopped back in the real world within the first 10mins of the game. They spend a lot of time outside of prime empire trying to find ways to re-enter the game.

so now we finally get to when the (remaining) ninja meet up with Jay, and he is disappointed at best when he sees them. but when they surround him with love and hugs and tears of joy, it throws him off guard. all of the NPC's were never this kind to him. He checks his objective menu and a new notification shows up. "discard the ninja". same as it's always been. part of the objective has always been to "not let the ninja know that you know they are fakes." but after all of this time, Jay has grown tired and so he doesn't really bother trying to keep up appearances. he won't flat out say that he thinks they're fakes, but his demeanor is completely off.

the ninja make it to okino and they start going through the forest, the cliffs, and finally the maze of the red dragon. throughout this time, there are several little moments that lead Jay to believe that these might be his real friends. he tries to write them off, but it keeps nagging at him. in the canon scene where Unagami pauses the game and talks to okino, its the same except its Jay that Unagami talks to. "just wanted to check in with you, everything is still going according to plan, correct?" Jay responds with "yes, but these ones are different. none of the other clones have acted so.. so close to my real friends." Unagami scoffs "these ones are just as fake as the others. make sure you complete your objective. we are very close to bridging the gap, and I wouldn't want anybody to hold you back from being at my side when we cross over." Jay agrees and the game resumes.

Jay has the perfect opportunity to let his friends perish at the hands of the dragon, but something in him screams at him to help them win. he points out the scale on the back of the dragon, they defeat it, and Jay gets the dragon summon. instead of keeping it, he gives it to Cole. "i figure you guys will probably need it more than me. I've got higher stats, i can take care of myself." (that dragon summon becomes important later) so ANYWAY now its time for the speedway 5billion. but they don't have enough credits so they have to get some extra money. the gang goes to the dance battle, but! theres also a karaoke battle they have to participate in. Jay and Cole sing Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears for Fears (this song is also important later!) and they win the contest and get enough credits to enter the race. however...

by this point in time, Jay is pretty sure that this group is his **real** friends, and he doesn't feel like he can go through with his objective anymore. besides, would clones really dance with him? sing his favorite songs with him? watch out for him when danger approaches? smile at him with such kindness and sincerity? clones wouldnt, but his real friends would. once again, his connection to the code means that Unagami is able to track him, and also take peeks into his mind. Unagami senses this realization and pauses the game again to confront him. "Jay, you must not let these clones cloud your judgement. you still have a mission to complete." Jay says "Unagami, these aren't dupes! they're really my friends, and they came back for me! i can't just "discard" them like you want me to. I won't!" "you WILL if you ever want to leave this digital space. if you will not join me in bridging the gap, then you will be left in here for all of eternity. the choice is yours, Jay walker." and with that, the game resumes.

the ninja are all talking and they realize that Jay has gone silent. "Jay? you good?" Kai asks. Jay snaps out of it and reassures them that he's fine. but thats when he sees *him*. in the crowd of NPC's bustling about the city, he sees nadakhan. staring at him with that evil, calculated grin and begins approaching them. Jay's eyes go wide and his stomach drops. "are you sure you're okay?" Lloyd asks. "we.. we need to get out of here. we need to leave *now*" Jay says with a quiet, wavering voice. Just as he moves to flee, Nya gasps.

It was the scene of Nya dying. She was cradled in Jay's arms, muttering her last words before going completely limp. The master of lightning shook with broken sobs, clinging to his friend as if holding her tight enough could bring her back. That was the day that Jay Walker had lost everything.

And now, that moment was set on an infinite loop, broadcasted on every screen in the capital city of Prime Empire.

Jay was frozen, unable to do anything but succumb to his rising panic.

Nya was in a similar state, feeling the sharp pains of her chest that came from her old wound. She remembered dying, the pain and vulnerability. Now her final moments were in full display.

The rest of them gazed in horror and confusion, unable to comprehend what was going on. Jay thinks he heard Kai yelling, maybe he was asking why his sister was dying over and over again. Cole sounded like he was trying to warn everyone about the approaching assailants. Those of which looked like clones of the Misfortune's crew, including their tyrannical captain.

It was all too much. Jay felt his digital blood freeze in his veins, his air cutting off entirely, and his vision slowly turning to static.

Nadakhan. Nya. Tiger widow venom. Kai. Nadhakan. Nya. Zane. Cole. Nya. Lloyd. Nadakhan. Nya. Nya. Nya. N-

Jay's friends tried to reach for him, to help him, but then it happened.

An explosion of lightning burst from Jay's body, flooding through the city with blue and white pixelated sparks. And once the wave had passed, the city went dark. The screens that were looping that wretched day were now idle. The Misfortune's crew were nowhere to be seen. Jay had fallen unconscious.

"What are you guys doing here?" Scott asked, his face contorted in concern.

"Scott, it- its Jay. He had this weird power surge and he-" Lloyd stuttered before him and his friends were roughly yanked inside of Scott's hideout.

Cole was carrying Jay's limp body, and followed Scott's instructions to lay him on the workbench. But not before he had thrown all of his tools and blueprints on the ground in a rush.

"What did you say? About a power surge?"

"It was-" Lloyd started again

"It was like he exploded," Kai cut in, "we've never seen his element act like that."

"The city, it went dark." Nya added.

"And there was something going on with the city screens, they were showing-" said Cole.

"My sister dying! Over and over again! That's not part of the game, right?!"

"Guys guys! Chill the fuck out, one at a time." Scott demanded. They all went quiet before Nya spoke up.

"The screens showed one of Jay's memories. One of his most traumatic ones. NPC's started changing into people that.. are related to that memory. They started attacking us from all sides. Jay had gone into a panic attack before he surged. That wave of power blew out the whole city's power and everything went dark. After that he passed out."

Scott looked at her with a look of dread.

"This is worse than I thought.."

"What do you mean worse? Scott, what's wrong with Jay?" Cole asked. Scott sighed.

"He's.. he's become part of the game."

"Like an NPC?" Lloyd said.

"No, not an NPC. His memories, his soul, his life force- it's bleeding into the coding of the game. His emotions and memories are able to affect the behavior of the game. Environments, NPCs, everything."

"How do you know all of that, Scott?" Nya interjected.

"Because he's just like me."

"What??" The ninja said in unison.

"When I first came into the game, Unagami wanted me to bring Prime Empire to the real world. To break out of this digital prison and conquer the rest of the physical world. I agreed to help him because I didn't see any other way out of this hellscape. He granted me access to the code. So I'm just as connected to Prime Empire as Jay is. My memories are there too.

But the thing is, is that I've cut myself off of the code. It's the only way I could hide from Unagami, since I had abandoned ship and didn't want to help him anymore. I'm a threat because I can affect the code.

But if I don't connect to it, I stay hidden.

But Jay, his connection is so strong by this point. Everything he does changes the game.

He's gonna be okay, for now, but I can't guarantee the same for all of you." Scott finished, his eyes sunken and tired.

"Wh- what are we supposed to do then? How can we get Jay out of here?" Kai asked.

"Beat the game. As far as I know, there's no other way out of here."

They all looked at each other, faces grim but determined.

"Well we can't leave here without Jay, can we stay here until he wakes up?" Said Nya.

"Absolutely not." Scott replied.

"What? Why??" Cole butted in.

"The longer you guys stay here, with h i m, the more danger all of us are in. Jay is part of the coding, Unagami can find him. And that means he can find u s."

"Well how do we wake him up? There's gotta be some way!" Lloyd pleaded.

Scott looked at Jay's unconscious form.

"Fuck, okay, let me try something."

so Scott does the only thing he can think of that might work. he reconnects himself to the game's code in order to "plug in" to Jay and wake him up. when he plugs in, Scott sees Jay in a dark, endless room. he's crouched on the ground, sobbing and shaking

But thrashing from his body is manifestations of his trauma, like a horrible amalgamation that is distorting his physical form and its. Horrifying.

Scott looks at him and tries to approach him without getting hurt

He gets to him and he makes contact with his shoulder and then the surge of energy happens and he gets unplugged and shot across the room, and Jay wakes up with a start, chest heaving and his eyes still wet with tears. Cole is there right next to Jay, and Jay clings onto him like a lifeline. Kai wraps his arms around Jay too and they hold him and comfort him as best they can. Lloyd and Nya go over to Scott to see if he's okay. he groans and sits up, Lloyd and Nya help him stand. "what happened? what was that??" Nya asks. "I woke him up. but its not safe anymore. you guys have to get him out of here, or else Unagami is gonna show up and if he does.. well its safe to assume it'll be game over for all of us."

"we still have to win the highway 5billion and get the second keytana." Cole says, "and we need cars." Scott sighs at this, "i've got cars you can use, i won't be using them very much anymore anyways." "what does that mean?" Kai asks. "did you not hear me? its game over. you guys have to get Jay out of here." Scott says. "Scott, you know the game better than anyone, we need your help. will you race with us?" Nya pleads. Scott is about to reject when he looks at Jay. Jay is looking at him with a look that breaks his heart. "fine. I'll race with you guys."

so they fix up the cars and enter the SW5B and Scott is like "i guess if we're going in, i might as well get a new look." so he customizes his avatar (if u check my post with his redesign, thats the avatar he has, the glowing parts of his outfit change colors!) and they start the race! Scott doesn't have his own car, instead he's jumping from vehicle to vehicle and taking out the other drivers so that the ninja can win. he uses his baseball bat as a melee weapon but it can also shoot lasers! Kai still gets that loot box upgrade and has the running mech, and just like in canon, Cole and Kai get cubed. so does Scott, he gets run over lol. now its just Jay, Nya, and Lloyd and they make their way to the temple of madness.

then we have the fight. in canon its Lloyd and harumi, but in this au, Jay enters the arena instead. he gets in and the game picks his fighter. expecting it to be someone he's fought before, he prepares himself. but nothing could have prepared him for who he saw standing in front of him. it was echo zane.

Nya stares in horror and Lloyd is confused. "who is that? that can't be zane, right? why would he be part of the game?" Lloyd asks. Nya can't say anything, and neither can Jay. Jay wants to give up, he cant fight echo. someone who helped him in the most dire of times, only to be left alone on that island for the rest of eternity. Jay had never gone back for him, and that guilt he felt had just kicked into high gear having to look echo in the eyes. but then echo starts attacking him, and Jay has to defend himself. Jay wins, and sees echo disappear after the final blow. the walls of the arena disappear and Jay falls to his knees. Lloyd and Nya move in immediately to help him up. "seriously, what the hell is going on?? why aren't you guys saying anything??" Lloyd demands. "we can't talk about it right now, Lloyd. we'll have to tell you later." Nya says quietly. her voice is tight and dies in her throat. Lloyd gets the hint and doesn't push it any further.

so the three of them make it through the sushi restaurant and make it to the gate with the 3 keytanas. Jay, Lloyd, and Nya go to put in the blades and they open the gate. standing in front of them is none other than Unagami. "Jay, you have disappointed me. you were so important, so valued, and you have thrown that away for the sake of your so-called 'friends'. thankfully, there is still a place for you." Unagami says. "i don't WANT a place with you! you've hurt me, you've hurt my friends, you've hurt so many innocent people. all of those cubes? those are REAL PEOPLE! i can't let you do this Unagami. I won't let you get away with this." Jay says defiantly. Unagami sighs, "i was hoping it would not come to this. but if you chose to act this way, you will face the consequences. you will help me bridge this gap, whether you like it or not." and Unagami holds out his hands. an intense blue beam of light bursts from his palms and hits Jay square in the chest. the light is absorbed by his body and his form begins to glitch and spasm violently. mochi and i have called this the Blue Screen of Death. (tw for mild(?) body horror) Jay is overcome by the blue and his body begins to grow and distort, all the while he's screaming and his cries are glitched out and staticky. Lloyd and Nya watch, frozen in fear as their friend begins to grow to massive size, writhing in agony. Jay thrashes and knocks into both of them, sending them off the side of the platform and cubing them. the last two energy cubes join the gate and Jay crawls through.

(with this scene, in the background, the lorde version of everybody wants to rule the world would be playing, just as a nice parallel to the song from earlier at the karaoke battle)

MEANWHILE, as pixal and zane attempted to find ways to get back into the game, find milton dyer, etc, zane gets captured by the mechanic. everything goes the same as it does in canon where the mechanic hooks zane up to the gate.

and now, we get a look at where everybody who got cubed resides. Scott, when he was cubed, was greeted by Unagami personally. he criticized him for his actions and expressed his disappointment before ultimately locking him inside of a digital cell. Scott figured that this was how the rest of his life would be, trapped in a cage with no way out and no way to die. but then! Rora shows up. that corruption in her system from the beginning? that was her beginning to break away from her coding and becoming more of a person. she saw what happened to Jay, and she wants to help him. she breaks Scott out and they agree to work together to save Jay. but they're gonna need all the help they can get. together, Scott and rora free the ninja and all of the other cubed players and they make it through the portal.

and thats where they see Jay, now as tall as the skyscrapers in ninjago city and wreaking havoc on the entire area.

everyone looks up at him in utter horror and see just how corrupted he's become. he's wailing in pain as he drives his guitar down on building after building. thrashing and flailing, causing the structures around him to crumble and collapse. "how the fuck are we gonna fix this?!" Nya cries. "i can help." Unagami approaches them. everyone gets into fighting stances, ready to beat Unagami into the pavement. "i did not realize that corrupting him would turn out like this. i know how to fix him, but i need your help." "why should we help YOU?" Kai growls. "if you want to save your city and your friend from complete destruction, you *will* help me." and so Unagami explains that if they can lure Jay back through the portal, Unagami can undo his corruption and fix Jays "coding"

so now the ninja are trying to figure out how to get Jay's attention and bring him back through the portal. it seems like nothing is working, and then Cole gets an idea. he starts singing the lyrics to everybody wants to rule the world. it seems to get Jay's attention, so he keeps singing.

the others hear him and they join in. now they have Jay's attention, and he's closing in on them. that dragon summon from earlier? now thats when that comes in handy. Cole calls the digidragon and rides it so that Jay cant crush him while he lures him back to the portal. low and behold, they manage to get Jay through the portal, Unagami purifies his "coding" and they return to the physical world once again. Unagami gets to have his talk with milton and all of the npcs+pcs that want to come out do, and the others stay in the game. the city is in shambles, the portal closes, and zane+pixal+wu reunite with the others.

the car ride home is very quiet. everyone is exhausted, Jay is asleep and leaning on Cole's shoulder. they have a lot to talk about, but for now, they just want to sleep through the night. they make it home, go to their separate rooms, and go to bed.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats pretty much all of it!! theres a little epilogue that has snippets of what Scott, racer 7, okino, and rora do now that they're outside of the game, but thats just kinda there lol.

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sirenofthegreenbanks · 3 years ago

Text

i was watching wenzhou fmvs and thinking about zzs, who seems to hold himself perfectly still everytime wkx comes too close as if he is afraid he would go up in flames if he dares to move. and that reminded me of the many “break-ups” they had and of how ive often seen viewers of the show express their disdain, frustration, and lack of appreciation about the “break-ups”. (im putting that in quotationmarks not to ridicule, but because i dont particularily agree with that choice of term for what is happening, but use it here for better understanding because i think, everybody knows what im talking about when i do, so i do). i do understand that, of course. clearly these two love eachother / are insanely attracted to each other, so 4 break-ups seem a tad too much like artificial drama, as if the producers only wanted to create tension and make the romantic plot a bit more interesting that way. so i get that. but i want to give my two cents regardless. i think that take is a bit unfair to the producers and a bit too one-sided. it views wenzhou only in the context of romance and oversimplifies the situation, instead of acknowledging their humanity and the individual stories they carry on their back.

so, because it is handy, a little list of my thoughts on this:

wkx and zzs are two highly traumatized people who are constantly hurting each other as a result of their own wounds. im talking a bit about that in this post.

neither of them, to our knowledge, has been in a romantic/sexual relationship before, which makes my next point all the more important since

neither of them is particularily close in general on an interpersonal basis in an actual social context with other people. there is no practice, and there is no desire and even a fear, to start. the few relationships (non-romantic, non-sexual) they do have are either overshadowed by an overwhelming amount of shared violence when they were formed, or created in an environment of survival and therefore unable to grow in a way it would be good for them

wkx in particular has a history with physical, psychological, and possibly even sexual, abuse

neither of them is open to a romantic relationship at the point they meet, and that doesnt change for a very long time in the story, no matter how much wkx pretends otherwise (i see u, wkx, i see u). and no, yearning, sneaked glances, curiosity, all of that doesnt equal an actual consent to partaking in a relationship, or the welcoming of one. flirting is not the same as being in a relationship and choosing a relationship.

i say it again, because i feel it gets too easily overlooked though it holds so severely a weight: these two are deeply, deeply, deeply traumatized, jaded people with sharp edges and broken shards for souls and a destroyed trust in both humanity as a whole and themselves as people. theyre trying to breath through that, tolerating another person’s breath who gets too close too fast too soon too intense on top of that is hard. like, fucking hard. believe me, its so freaking fucking ducking hard.

a natural connection does not equal a relationship, doesnt make it neccessarily easier to be in a relationship, or magically creates answers for all your natural questions if you are in a relationship and find its hard, actually, to let someone that close to you and not instantly combust or clam up

before wenzhou is able to come together as an actual team, romantic/sexual and otherwise, they need to be able to exist in the same space first. all their “break-ups” are just them, trying to redefine, reposition, and reset their relationship, themselves in their relationship, and their boundaries with and around each other. its not the way we think romance is supposed to be as media tells us, but its authentic, healthy, and probably neccessary.

i appreciate it all the more when they do succeed after i witnessed the messy, very unflattering for either of them, totally not easy to watch, imperfect struggle because i know, dear god, they worked hard for it

this is how i see it.

#wenzhou meta #woh fandom discourse #trauma in woh #i dont remember if it were 4 breakups but it seems accurate enough #i realize after i wrote a longass post that i just wanted to say #actually #miscommunication is human #communication does not solve your trauma #no its not as simple as Just Talk About It #like the trauma that made you avoid emotional vulnerability in the first place #is still there after you would have talked about it so #there is that #quickly whipped up but we die like wkx

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kagejima · 3 years ago

Note

nanami monday——-

this is what his hands are like ok bye

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRLJ61QA/?k=1

RAE.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

jesus mary joseph i gotta sit down

i need a moment okay

okay let's see here

... I'm trying to think of something but my brain is leaking out of my ears, bless you Heids 🥴

So Nanami likes for you to keep him company in the kitchen when you two first start dating. He doesn't want you to lift a finger, he wants to show off all his culinary knowledge to impress you, but he still likes you to sit at the kitchen island and tell him about your day and other stuff.

Except baby you are fIGHTING for your LIFE out there because his hands looking like THAT??? youre spacing out like the WHOLEEEE conversation bc you want them around your throat and inside of you

and THE THING IS you two haven't had sex yet, you've been dating for about two weeks and you wanted to get to know each other a little bit better before you ramped up the physical aspect of it.

he doesnt need to know you've gone home every time after youve seen him and pretended your hands were his as you imagined him fingering you

so he cooking and chopping and slicing and dicing - baby, the veins in his hands the vEINS IN HIS HANDS baby you didn't stand a chance 🤧

he notices you've been having trouble paying attention

and he IS 👏🏻A 👏🏻TEASE👏🏻 YOU 👏🏻CANNOT👏🏻 CONVINCE👏🏻 ME 👏🏻OTHERWISE👏🏻

he's like "Is something wrong?" and puts down the knife

you're just unashamedly staring at his hands that have been chopping

you're gulping, you're like "no, im good!"

but baby you aren't. dont lie to to him, he figured you out.

so he goes over to the sink and washes his hands - bahwhdjwjdj BABY STOP LOOKING, YOU'RE MAKIN IT WORSE--- he senses you still watching his hands

and he moves over to you at the kitchen island and he laces his fingers with yours

he st-- he start ki-- he starts kissing your fingers laced with his-- so slowly.

ever so slowly. so slowly that you're holding your breath bc its so gentle and romantic. and he starts playing with your own hands a little bit and still kissing them

so now you're watching his hands AND his lips --- he wants to make you ACHE for him. he wants to push you to the brink of madness when he's barely done anything at all --- and you're watching his hands this ENTIRE TIME he's been kissing them and playing with them

and baby, you moan.

you fucking moan.

he laughs and raises an eyebrow and you want the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

and he kisses the top of your hands and he just goes back to CHOPPING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

AMFKAJFJAMCKWN HEEEIIIIIDDDDSSSSSS EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU HEIDS.

#what's the matter with queue #rae's nanami mondays

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tigerdrop · 3 years ago

Photo

a good friend made these horrid beasts in WWE something-or-other and i went fully fucking bananas drawing and writing about them. theres a whole AU and associated erotica under the cut. See ya

im thinking about how fucking butthurt gordon would be at having to be a heel and he sees benrey just fucking eating up all the attention and everybody booing at him and hes leaning into it so hard and gordon gets blisteringly fucking irritable about it. theyre both heels but gordons just mad that benreys better at it than him

goes out there in his bullshit baby slut wrestling outfit and hes already feeling like the world biggest and most embarrassed idiot and then he has to deal with everybody booing him and putting up their fucking signs saying how much he sucks and theyve all got really funny jokes on them

i want gordon to have a very small but dedicated group of fans that only like him b/c he looks like hes gonna cry every time he hits the ring.....but he doesnt know that they like him b/c hes pathetic. so he gets genuinely heartened to see the one sign in the crowd telling him that he rules

but..........i think he can turn it all around.........if he gets into tag team wrestling. or, more specifically, gets suckered into being teamed up with the one guy he really cannot fucking stand b/c hes got a fuckin contract to fulfill and he cant really be choose-y as the New Guy. i just think it would make sense! as a gimmick!! producers leaning hard into gordons perceived bitch status and pairing him up with his polar opposite in the ring!!! like being suckered into being the straight man of a comedy duo except a lot more personally embarrassing!!!!

what if he didnt even have to wear that obscene baby slut outfit until they got teamed up with each other and they wanted him to match benreys. b/c they literally fucking match in this godawful WWE game. and the one he picked out for himself was equally humiliating but in a wildly different fashion

like. what if he wanted his gimmick to be "science guy.......with a twist" and so he shows up in a lab coat with the sleeves ripped off and also for some reason he decided to wear a fucking hat like the guy from jamiroquai

anyway . i just think. it would be cool.......if benrey......taught him how to lean into being an asshole for the drama of it by just continuing to do his own thing and shoving gordon into the spotlight with him. it feels less fuckin personal when its two of them thatre being booed! and benreys heel persona - aggressively flirty and campy and leaning very hard into the stereotype of the flaming homosexual - is so much different from his like......flat affect, dead-eyed look and bored tone in "real life" that gordon starts figuring out that theyre not really booing him, theyre booing a character

and gordon starts figuring out how to get cocky! and he starts eating that shit up and getting into the role! he starts to feel the fuckin high of performing with somebody in a super physical environment and it finally just Clicks for him and their chemistry goes off the charts and the crowd is so hyped up and engaged b/c of him, b/c of them

i just think its fucking cool. okay. wrestling is intensely physical and involves a lot more one-on-one contact than most other sports. hot, sweaty and thick gordon with his arms wrapped around benreys throat and wrestling him to the ground......benrey slipping out of his grip and reversing it and forcing him to his stomach, sitting on his back with a bicep wrapped around his throat, waiting for gordon to submit.......its dope! whats fuckign wrong with that!!!

and its, yknow, its really fucking cool when theyre bending each others legs back too. like in that one screenshot. the stretch and burn of the muscle.....benrey pushing just a little too far and smirking down at him just to see how gordon will react......the feeling of being bent like that and exposed by a guy hes been having wayyy too many weird feelings about lately......gordon probably never jerks off so fucking good as he does immediately after a match with benrey, riding the endorphin high of a good performance and a good workout

think about it! all the intimate touching meant to be aggressive.....yelling at him while in kayfabe. grappling and throwing him. touching and being touched. ACCIDENTAL RING BONERS. just.....all that sexual tension coming to a head after months of working together and of benreys glances in the locker room getting more and more blatant. months of benrey blandly commenting on his form while twisting his arm back or hooking an arm under his thigh to bend it up to his chest

sometimes its so intense that gordon swears theyre going to fuck right there in the ring in front of god and everyone. them breaking kayfabe in ring and nobody realizing it.....basically flirting and aggressively bantering and having a good time and they know they personally are going off script but they dont know if the other is. and theyre both showing their horny ass in public in front of thousands of spectators

and then on the eve of the best performance theyve ever had, gordons feeling incredible. a little fucking bounce to his step. and benreys trying really fucking hard to sound nonchalant when he tells gordon he did good out there, but its not easy for him, either......hes got to spend all this time with a guy thats thicker than molasses and a whole head taller than him and whos frequently wrapping his thighs around benreys head for the sake of the sport. who he swears is down to fuck but wont ever make a move in return

and.....maybe its the first time benreys ever said such an earnest compliment to him. maybe it goes right to gordons head, makes him flush and prickle all the way to his ears. and they hit the showers but gordon cant get it out of his head. keeps glancing over to benrey across the way, letting himself look for once. letting himself really think about it

and then he gets rimmed and fucked in the locker rooms i dont know. this is the part where i chicken out every time nowadays. Tried My Best

anyway heres gordon freeman getting fucked in the locker room

ThaNks for read

#my art #writin stuff #(honking away in my big ol clown shoes)

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lol-q · 4 years ago

Note

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈. Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

#no but i could go one by one and talk about everything you numbered #but im not gonna for the sake of other ppl #because everyone hates long post #people were really so cute in my asks today instead of defending constantin so that was nice👍#i do the others later #but this was so cute stopppp #shut up about my grammer!!#do not talk about my grammer #druck #ask

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whosaskingwrites · 4 years ago

Text

Glass Heart (Oikawa x Reader x Kageyama)

A/N: This was the only request that came in for the follower event which by the way I've extended so its still open. So thanks for requesting this it was fun to write! Full disclosure the Akaashi b-day one was supposed to be uploaded first but I haven't finished it yet so...Also I went a little feral on this cause its the first ever request on the blog 💞. I even added it a small thing from one of my favorite movie series. Also I don't know if this is exactly what you wanted but I did my best to fulfill the request. Some things are changed in it but this is the final product.

Details: 9.4 pages 3,305 words (she long)

WARNINGS: Mentions of blood, angst, heartbreak, there's a happy end for Mc tho, manga spoilers??? Kinda not really???

Date: December 7th, 2020

Theme: Glass Heart Syndrome- Similar to the Hanahaki disease, when a person goes through heart break it causes their heart to literally form into glass and break. It will result in the person never being able to love again or die through the agonizing process. The symptoms include dark cracks on the chest stemming from the heart that spread and grow darker the worse the heartbreak is, the victim becomes physically weaker, and they’ll cough up blood. (Taken directly from the request)

Sachi- means miracle. Thank you @msecchi for requesting 💞 hope you enjoy!

Nightmares.

That's what the doctor said to him. "You can't sleep because of the nightmares!" Thats what he was told by them. For ten years doctors told him its just nightmares. But he knew it wasn't nightmares no...He was being haunted by her. Dead and cold e/c eyes stared at him from the darkness as they dulled. A faint shattering sound accompanied it as he watched shards of glass fall.

His heart was cracked black lines trailed against his skin hidden under his shirt. It had cracked all those years ago when he thought she was gone. She had recovered though it was a miracle really that she had. After all he was there when her heart shattered.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa still looked at him with disgust. They supported him sure but they only supported him because they wanted him out of Japan. Iwaizumi didn't look at him the same either, there was always something hidden behind his gazes. He could take the anger from them though it was worth it to know she was still alive.

He loved her. He knew that, Iwaizumi knew it. For ten years he asked Iwaizumi how she was doing "she's fine," was the only response he got. Now he could see for himself if she was fine. The Olympics were here and he was currently on his way to Japan with his team. It'd been a long time since he'd been back. Almost nine years now but he wasn't worried. He curled into the plane seat shutting his eyes and trying to catch some nightmare free sleep...

___________________________________________

"Y/n-chan! You look really pretty today!" He threw an arm around the h/cette's shoulder pulling her roughly into his side. She stumbled a bit peering up at him through long eyelashes. "Can you let me go please Oikawa-san?" She asked shifting to pry his arm off. He held on though and gasped "Eh? Why Y/n-chan!" He shrieked and just like that his arm was thrown off her shoulder and Iwaizumi stood there.

"Dumbass she doesn't like people touching her!" He yelled flicking him in the forehead. He whined and rubbed at the spot "Iwa-chan you're supposed to be on my side!" Iwaizumi simply shook his head before turning towards Y/n. "So Y/n have you decided on a high school yet?" She merely hummed "I was thinking Shiratori-" "No you can't go there!" Oikawa cut off quickly throwing himself infront of her.

"...Can I finish my sentence?" She asked sending a pointed look towards him. "Please do," Iwaizumi supplied as he covered Oikawa's mouth. "Shiratorizawa but my cousin convinced me to go to Aoba Johsai instead," She finished sending a pointed look towards him. He pried Iwaizumi's hand off to speak "You're going to Aoba Johsai!?" She laughed then smiling at him and he felt his heart rate speed up in response.

It'd been a few months since then he was a third year now and her a sparkling brand new first year at Aoba Johsai. Since day one he'd been around her constantly. Walking her to her classes or sitting with her at lunch sometimes bringing her an extra piece of Milk Bread. Of course the team knew he liked her it stared them in the face everyday. He'd smile at his phone everytime she texted or his face would flush slightly when she complimented him. Not that she ever noticed but they knew she was falling to.

She no longer rejected physical touches from him she leaned into them instead. She always smiled at him whenever he appeared in her line of sight. She even started using his first name! Halfway through the school year everybody knew Oikawa Tooru and L/n Y/n were attached at the hip. Fangirls confessed all the time but he rejected them without fail thinking of the girl with s/c skin and e/c eyes. He wanted her confession but it never came to him. He got tired of the team making fun of him one day. They always picked on him so why should they be allowed to do it when it involves the girl he liked?

"Oh please! Like I even care about her! She's getting boring anyway i'll just move on to a new girl. One that's more exciting and not some bright-eyed first year," He had said crossing his arms and looking up indignantly. "Oikawa...You don't mean that," Iwaizumi said slowly looking at him. "Of course I do. She's boring now," He pushed refusing to crack under the pressure.

Of course how was he going to remember that all of this went down a minute before she was supposed to walk into the gym to watch him practice like everyday? He really should have remembered that if he had things might have gone differently. Practice had ended as usual though it had been quieter than he remembered. Something was missing and he knew it.

He shrugged it off as he left the locker room walking towards the front gates to wait for Iwaizumi with Y/n. "Hey Y/n-chan what'd you think of practice?" He waited a moment to see her rush around the corner in a flurry of excitement but it never happened. "Y/n-chan..?" Rounding the corner of the gate he saw the spot they normally waited in was empty no sign of the beautiful girl anywhere.

There was however a piece of paper trapped against the bars. It was a small thing easily loseable but the way it was crumpled and felt soft meant the paper he held was old and probably had been thrown away. He opened it slowly and glared at what he saw on it. 'Kageyama Tobio xxxx-xxx-xxxx' What were the odds he'd find his enemies number here of all places? Astronomically low he knew as he chucked the paper away.

Iwaizumi had come up then pushing him along while he struggled. "Iwa-chan! Y/n-chan isn't here yet!" Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "She went home. She was feeling sick today," He responded easily while Oikawa's nose crinkled. That was impossible he'd been with her all day except for in class. She was perfectly normal in every way today, he'd have know she was sick.

Maybe if he said something to Iwaizumi instead of keeping quiet he'd have seen her and fixed everything. Maybe if he had made them stop at the park like he did everyday instead of being consumed by his thoughts he might have seen a familiar h/c haired girl sitting with a boy that had blackish blue hair and vibrant blue eyes.

He might have seen the boy give her his jacket and a carton of milk when she started crying. Or how he awkwardly patted her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. But instead the duo walked on with him thinking about how to ask Y/n why she lied. Of course for the next two weeks he wouldn't receive a response since she avoided him at every turn.

Eventually though he cornered her right outside the gym after she dropped off Hanamaki's water bottle. He didn't question why she had it or the black and blue jacket she was wearing that was slightly too big for her. Instead he ran after her stopping her before she got to far. "Hey! Y/n-chan why are you avoiding me!?" He shouted towards her.

She and everyone else nearby stopped people whispered as they looked at them but he didn't care. He watched her turn and froze as dull e/c eyes met his own. "Just speeding things up. After all you said I was boring Oikawa-san,"

___________________________________________

He jolted awake sitting up rapidly as he tried to slow down his racing heart. "Hey you okay man?" He turned his head looking at his teammates who looked startled. "Yeah I'm fine...Just a bad dream," He smiled at them before looking out the window. Japan was spread out below them lights twinkling in the dark.

The smile fell from his face as they landed replaced with a sense of displacement and nostalgia. He gripped his bags tightly tomorrow he would be facing his biggest rivals on the court all to see who would win the gold. He didn't have time to think about what happened to the girl he used to know.

___________________________________________

"Wha- who said you were boring?" He asked stepping towards her. She took a step back in response "You did. Two weeks ago when I went to the gym. I heard you," His eyes widened dramatically as he looked at her "No- That's out of context!" He tried to save it but she just shook her head.

"Don't lie Oikawa-san," Her eyes became more dull as she spoke. "Don't- dont call me Oikawa please. Dont do that please," he begged reaching out towards her. She coughed then putting a hand up to her mouth. As she did the sleeve of the jacket rolled down and he saw them. The thin black lines trailing across her skin and decorating her pale s/c arm.

"Y/n-chan...," he trailed off as his eyes focused on her arm and the thin trail of blood coming from her mouth. She smiled but it wasn't anything. Only a slight twitch upwards no warmth behind it. "Its okay Oikawa-san you helped me you know?" He paused as he looked at her "Helped you..?" She nodded slowly "Yeah! You helped me realize that love is worthless so thank you," He could only watch in horror as the black veins spread further and widened being accompanied by a cracking sound.

Like someone had thrown a ball threw a glass window she collapsed at the same time a shattering sound filled the air. A girl nearby screamed as Y/n fell while someone else yelled for emergency services. "Y/n!" He was shoved backwards as Hanamaki and Matsukawa ran past him.

"What happened!?" Matsukawa yelled as he lifted her head. He looked at him while blood dripped from her mouth. "I- I don't know. S-she said she heard me a-and-," Hanamaki whipped around at that "She heard you!?" He stood blood had left a red stain on his white track pants.

"If she dies from this I will never forgive you," Hanamaki hissed. "Makki she's- she's not breathing!" Matsukawa screamed pressing a hand on her heart. Paramedics rushed into the area skittering around as the pushed Matsukawa and Hanamaki away. "What happened?" One of the medics asked. "Glass Heart Syndrome," Hanamaki answered back glaring at Oikawa as he spoke.

"We need to get her out of here right away! Lets go!" The medic had run back over towards Y/n helping to pick her up onto the gurney. They paramedics left quickly with her denying Hanamaki and Matsukawa's attempt to go with her. They raced into the gym grabbing their stuff before running back out. Hanamaki shoved Oikawa out of the way and down to the ground as they ran.

___________________________________________

He sighed as he jolted awake for the third time in a row. This was ridiculous she wasn't even dead so why couldn't he sleep without seeing dead e/c eyes? Guilt that's what Iwaizumi told him. He tilted his head to see the time five am was what the clock told him. He needed to meet the rest of the team at seven thirty so he changed and went running.

The streets he ran on seemed so familiar but so different to him. Of course he stopped at the nearby park it was similar to the one he used to stop at with Iwaizumi and Y/n. Those trips long since abandoned after what he did his eyes flittered over the park until they landed on a h/cette. His eyes widened as he looked at her so similar to the last time he saw her.

Slightly taller and figure slightly rounder perfect to him but it hurt to realize it was a pregnancy bump. The h/c hair on her head sparkled and her e/c eyes glittered with a warmth he hadn't seen in years. He began walking towards her almost starting to run until a voice stopped him. "Y/n!" He stopped immediately snapping his head to the side. Barreling towards her was a male with silver and black hair and golden eyes sparkling. He knew who that was...Bokuto Koutarou wing spiker for the MSBY Black Jackals and he was his opponent in the upcoming game.

He slunk closer and it was then that he noticed a little girl hugged to Bokutos chest. She couldn't have been older than five from what he could see but he noticed that running through the girls h/c hair were streaks of silver. He certainly didn't expect her to take the little girl from him and kiss his cheek. His shock was palpable when she reached a hand up to run through his hair. A thin sliver band with a small diamond on it glared back at him glittering in the sun.

Bokuto had lifted his own hand to run it through the small girl's hair the silver came through more prominently as well as exposing dark navy almost black streaks he hadnt seen before. The little girls head turned revealing a single e/c eyes. His eyes however zoned in on the gold band on Bokuto's finger. He was excitedly talking to her while she shook her head and started walking off. He watched Bokuto's eyes widen comically as the wing spiker ran off after her.

He stood frozen as he watched the scene anybody could see a cute family scene. That should have been him handing her their kid not Bokuto. But it wasn't him no it was someone else. So of course he called Iwaizumi to complain.

"Iwa! You didn't tell me Y/n was married to that- that wing spiker!?" He yelled into the phone while Iwaizumi scoffed. "One I shouldnt tell you anything about Y/n since you ruined that. And two thats not your business," He returned the statement with a scoff of his own. "Not my business? Shes married! You know what Iwa. I'll win her back," Iwaizumi laughed then it was laced with disbelief much like his voice was.

"Sorry you are gonna try to win back a married woman who has a kid and another one on the way?" Iwaizumi was right that sounded wrong out loud but he couldn't back down. "Yes! I'm gonna win her back from that Bokuto guy!" Iwaizumi snorted "Sorry how'd you figure they were married?" Iwaizumi asked with a laugh "I saw the rings and her daughter has silver hair like him!" He stated indignantly.

Iwaizumi did bust out laughing then "Silver hair? Must have dyed it then," Iwaizumi mumbled quietly. "Iwa what are you going on about?" He asked not being able to hear the male on the other line clearly. "Oh nothing just suprised you don't pay more attention to your sworn enemies," He called uninterested. "I pay enough attention to know they're on the same team and will be playing against me," He hissed and Iwaizumi laughed. "I gotta go. See you later Oikawa," He hung up and Oikawa sighed as he put the phone away.

___________________________________________

"Oh are you all here for Ms. L/n?" The team turned eyes landing on a doctor with short brown hair and hazel eyes. He was clearly foreign but they didn't have any questions other than about her. Looking at them all he could see the fear in their faces and sighed. "Well its a miracle really that she lived. One of the worst cases of Glass Heart Syndrome I've seen in years," Oikawa froze as he felt the numerous glares on his back.

"Thank you doctor...?" Hanamaki walked forward looking at the man. "McCoy. Leonard McCoy," He said holding out a hand. "Thank you Doctor McCoy. Can we see her?" Hanamaki shook his hand while the doctor sighed. "Im afraid not. She still needs some time to recover we're going to try some beta blockers but until we try them I can't allow you guys in just incase," He said turning back around and leaving just like that.

The next week was spent waiting for the news. It came during practice one day for them "The beta blockers worked. She starts school again tomorrow at a new school," Matsukawa said as he walked back into the gym. The team cheered in excitement "Wait a new school? Shes transferring?" He asked stopping everyone while Hanamaki scoffed "she lived which was a fucking miracle and now you want her back here at the school that she almost died at with the person who almost killed her?" He flinched at the tone.

___________________________________________

The game had ended with Argentina's victory them winning the gold. He smirked at the wing spiker on the other side who only tilted his head in confusion silver hair following the movement. Iwaizumi smacked him as he approached "Stop looking at Bokuto like that," He said with a sigh. "I won against him and now I'll do it again," He was determined as he huffed. "Also Iwa how could you! Did you even know they got married!?" Iwaizumi scoffed in disbelief.

"Of course I knew she got married. I was a groomsmen along with Ushijima and Bokuto. Hinata was the best man," He processed the words "Sorry did you say Bokuto was a grooms-," before he could continue his questioning the patter of running feet interrupted him. "Daddy!" He snapped his head to the side seeing the little girl again only this time his jaw dropped.

The girl was pulled into a pair of arms which he followed to their owner. Kageyama's side profile glared back at him as he smiled down at the little girl. From this side he saw her other eye was a vibrant blue shade and sparkled in joy. "Hi angel what's going on here?" He lifted the girls hair in his finger and Oikawa saw the silver band around his ring finger while silver hair slipped through his fingers. "Uncle Kashi took me to the hair salon while he was watching me! I got my hair done to match Uncle Bo!" The little girl threw her arms up with a smile.

"Eh? Why not Uncle Tsumu kid?" Atsumu had asked joining the conversation. The girls nose crinkled "Uncle Bo is better than you!" Atsumu threw a hand over his heart and gasped mocking hurt. "Sachi Kageyama what did I tell you about running off?" Everyone turned seeing Y/n walking over with her arms crossed Akaashi stood next to her carrying her bag of stuff a ring of gold stood out prominently on his finger. "M'sorry mama," The girl now identified fully as Sachi frowned looking down with big eyes.

"Sachi. Just because Uncle Bo's sad face doesn't work on me doesn't mean yours will," She tapped her foot twice and Oikawa felt it the black veins trailing on his skin getting bigger and darker. He could hear the crack in his heart as Kageyama leaned over to kiss Y/n. The two of them fitted together perfectly while Bokuto bounded over to Akaashi and threw an arm around his shoulders. "Alright we get it. You two and your miracle are cute!" Hinata claimed as he shoved the two apart.

Y/n laughed as she looked up her eyes flittered over the other team stopping on Oikawa for a moment. He froze under her gaze. The warmth in her eyes faded replaced by the same empty and dead eyes he'd grown used to. The group had headed towards the exit as he felt the cracks happen rapidly. The last thing he could remember was the loud sound of something glass shattering before he collapsed to the ground.

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#whosaskingangst #oikawa x reader #oikawa angst #oikawa tooru #kageyama x reader #kageyama fluff #kageyama tobio

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years ago

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Could we get a drabble where Jake has gone through something, I dont know exactly what, but he is emotionally and physically exhausted and now the rescues are there to take care of him after he has taken care of them through the years.

CW: Child abuse reference, domestic violence reference - Jake has a lot of anger at his mom for not leaving until he was nearly a teenager and that comes out here

Jake lays on his back on the bed, staring and staring and staring at the letter, until the swirling cursive writing fogs over, fades out, becomes blurred into nothing and then fades back into sharpness again.

He’s still staring at it when Kauri finishes his shower and wanders back into the bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist, towel-drying off his hair. He gives Jake a smile, but it fades when Jake doesn’t look over at him, doesn’t look away from the writing. “Hey... what’s up? What’re you looking at?”

“Mail,” Jake says, absently, tracing a fingertip over a particular word.

“Who from?” Kauri drops the towel from his hair into the hamper as he walks, and crawls up onto the bed, lying on his side next to Jake, nearly-naked, but Jake’s mind won’t focus on it. Can’t.

“My mom forwarded it. It’s from my dad’s new wife.” Jake snorts, a sudden well of bitter rage rising within him. “Ex-wife now, I guess. Good for Suzanne.”

Kauri is silent, and then scoots slightly closer, laying a hand with cold fingers over Jake’s arm. “What’d she say?”

“She left.” Jake swallows - his throat bobs, again and again. He keeps trying to swallow back his anger and it keeps rising, anyway. “She’s got a four year old now. Dad hit Jeremy for breaking a lamp, broke his arm, and she... she just... she left. She wanted to let me know I might hear from cops. She went to the fucking cops, Kaur, she told the cops and she’s gone. Her friends helped her pack her stuff so my dad couldn’t scare her and she mailed this from... fucking Ohio. She’s in fucking Ohio now.”

Kauri’s eyes glance away, nervous at the anger in Jake’s voice, but he holds himself together. He holds on. He pushes back the urge to run from it. “That’s good,” Kauri says, softly, reaching up to place a hand to the side of Jake’s face. “It’s good that she’s gone, that they’re safe.”

He turns, finally, to look away from the words Suzanne wrote him, neat and tidy, describing child abuse with a detached clinical precision that Jake knows, after his own life and then years spent with rescues, comes from a life of profound trauma-induced emotional distance. It won’t last. She’ll crack, when it gets overwhelming, when she knows she’s safe.

He meets Kauri’s eyes.

Blue on blue, always.

“She just fucking left,” Jake whispers. “When it was me, my mom... she stayed. Eight more years, I got hit and kicked around and had to watch him hurt her and had to lie to doctors over and over and over again, had my grandparents tell me ‘it takes two to start a fight’, and... and this one... this new wife just fucking goes. All at once. For good. This letter she sent... she says, you’re right, I should have listened, you were so right and I’m sorry, and I just-... Her parents got her a place to stay back wh-where she moved from and my dad doesn’t even get weekend visits this time-... he broke his fucking arm, Kaur. My little... brother, I guess, I’ve never even fucking met him, but... when Dad broke mine my Nana and Papa lied to the doctor and said I fell out of a f-... a fucking tree-... when Mom went to court for custody they said we’d been making up the abuse for me, that I was fucking lying about it, I just-”

There’s a moment of silence. Kauri shifts over and lays his head on Jake’s shoulder, hand moving, sliding his arm up and around Jake’s neck. Jake rolls over at the same second, dropping the letter and sliding his arms around Kauri, pulling the smaller man flush against him, dropping his head against Kauri’s shoulder. His broad shoulders shake with sobs, barely vocalized, the softest exhalations of breath, even as his tears run over Kauri’s shower-dampened skin.

“Why couldn’t I be that kid?” He whispers, into Kauri’s neck. “Why did Suzanne leave but my own mom couldn’t?”

Kauri’s eyes close, and he holds on tightly, one arm around Jake’s neck, the other hand moving slowly, soothingly, through his hair. “I don’t know,” He whispers back. “Everybody suffers different, I guess. Some of us can’t. I’m glad she walked away, Jake.”

“Me, too, I just-... I just wish my mom had-... had had someone who would help h-her-... too. Maybe if, I don’t know, if my grandparents had supported her, or her friends, or... I wish I’d been able to-... I wish I could have gotten her out myself, but I was twelve, what the fuck was I supposed to do, Kaur?”

“You were a kid,” Kauri says, speaking into the short, soft blond hair. “Kids aren’t supposed to save their parents. You did everything you could as soon as you could do it, Jake. You’ve done everything to save everybody else. Nobody could ever have asked anything more from you.”

Jake cries against him, for a while, and Kauri holds on tight. Eventually, there’s a silence, and then Jake says, softly, “I should s-send her something, right? Do they sell ‘congratulations on leaving that fucking abuser’ cards at Hallmark, d’you think? Fucking Edible Arrangements? Is there a chocolate bouquet that says, thank you for not letting him hit your kid until he grows up angry and hopeless like I did?”

“You’re not hopeless,” Kauri says, rubbing at his back, feeling the shift of shoulder blades under his palm. “You’re not hopeless, and you’re not angry, not all the time, and whatever anger he gave you, you used it to save people. So many fucking people, Jake. You’re still saving people. But we’ll see if there’s a card, yeah. Let’s send her a card.” Kauri kisses the side of Jake’s head, gently. It’s okay, Jake. Just... I’ve got you. It’s okay. You can be happy for her and still be angry that you didn’t get to be Jeremy, that’s okay.”

Jake’s arms tighten even more around him, and Kauri looks down to see Jake looking up. He kisses a tear track running down Jake’s face.

“I’m proud of her,” Kauri says, “and I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“Not everyone can fight back,” Kauri says, softly. “You didn’t just fight back for yourself, you fight for every single one of us who doesn’t know how, who had it taken away. You’re a good person, Jake Stanton. He doesn’t make you who you are, and he won’t make your half-brother who he is, either.”

“I just-... I wish-”

Kauri shushes him with a kiss. “I know. Me, too. I’ll help you look for ‘congrats you left your abuser’ cards. And if we can’t find any... we’ll make one.”

#jake the shelter guy #kauri #erase to control #child abuse tw #domestic violence tw #abuse survivor tw #trauma recovery #angry whumpee

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