#let mind be the dumb random thoughts at 4am

[sneeb-canons]

mind has a rigorous sleep schedule both because he loves routine and needs to be the only one who cares about himself, but mostly because any amount of sleep deprivation has him saying the stupidest shit and then heart and soul clown on him forever and ever and ever abt it

Headcanon #410

[thatsgay-writes]

Lin Beifong x Reader

(Pre-LOK)

(This is my first time writing a fic based off of a song, apologies if it’s bad.)

The song that goes with this chapter

Who's that knocking at four in the morning (Four in the morning) 'Cause it don't rain, but tonight it's pouring (Tonight it's pouring) Uh, you like it more when I ignore it (You like it, yeah)

The pounding on your door was way to consistent for it to be the rain like you had originally thought. It had been clear skies all day until around 5 when a random storm hit and caused an almost total lockdown in your neighborhood and the surrounding ones. Who is banging on my damn door? You thought as you stood up from your bed and slipped on your slippers. You let out a groan as you walk into the kitchen and notice the clock. 4am! Whoever was at your door better be dying or have some really important news. You peeked out one of the windows in your kitchen and saw the outline of a woman at your door. You knew almost immediately who it was. You didn't have many friends, especially female friends, and you knew only one person who would willingly follow you to the Fire Nation.

Considering the rain, you would have opened the door right away but you were pissed. Lin had broken your heart and you weren't about to let her in immediately. You turn on the light in the front room before running back to the kitchen window. You wanted her to know that you knew that she was there. You watched for a few minutes before you finally opened the door and allowed her in. It was silent between the two of you as she took off her coat and shoes at the door. You silently walked to the couch in your front room and sat, waiting, watching, wanting to see what she would do next.

And since I left, LA got boring (Since I've been gone, yeah) Hey, I'm back on my bullshit You're a Libra, I'm a Taurus Heard you hooked back up with your ex And now you're asleep on my doorstep You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that I don't wanna talk right now You're asleep outside my house You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that

Lin, for the first time in her life, was a woman of many words. She poured her heart as she kneeled in front of you. She explained everything, barely taking a pause to breath. She told you how she messed up when she slept with Kya... again. The two of you had been in the dating phase of your relationship, so close to being girlfriends, when Lin slept with Kya. You wish you could lie and say it was the first time it had happened but it wasn't. Kya had been a big reason why you and Lin never got past the dating phase. "I... I came yesterday too, but you never answered... Where were you because I accidently fell asleep and you still never exited or entered your house." Lin confessed and you blushed a little at the memory of the other night. While you were heartbroken about what happened about Lin, you didn't have the best coping mechanism and when two beautiful women threw themselves at you at the same time... Well, could you really blame yourself? Lin took your silence as an answer and continued her rant.

You barely listened as she explained how much she missed you, how boring Republic City was without you. You would have forgiven her if the speech wasn't the same as it was last time, except with the added part about the City being boring without you. You knew what would happen the moment you let Lin into your house. It happens every time she apologizes, the only thing you didn't know was if it would be the last time.

I heard that today you gon' entertain You don't ever stay, I think I'm okay Never gonna change my mind Never gonna change my mind And I don't think today is the last time You got bright eyes in the dark side I can see that look in your eyes I can see that look in your eyes, yeah Now I can't sleep, I'm all alone And what we reaped was what we sowed So can we meet somewhere in the middle (Yeah)

You ignore Lin as she speaks, having flashbacks of all the times this had happened. Flashbacks of what made you leave Republic City for good. The first weeks of living in the Fire Nation were so... lonely. You didn't know anyone in the town, you didn't even have a job waiting for you until you talked to Zuko and Mai. Your move to the Fire Nation had definitely been a surprise. Not knowing anyone wasn't even the main reason you felt lonely. How do you go from sharing a bed with someone on an almost regular schedule to laying in a queen size bed alone? The heat and comfort from the other person missing.

You refocused on Lin some, enough to focus on her but not what she was saying. You knew this would be the last time you saw her. You knew she needed to apologize so she wouldn't feel guilty about it. You knew that once she said her piece and walked out the door, she would walk out of your life. You watch as the light casts a light shadow over her face and how it made her green eyes seemingly shine brighter. Maybe you could give in one more time.

Without saying anything, you grabbed Lin's face and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Lin didn't know what to do for a second and tensed before finally returning the kiss with equal passion. Just this once, just this once... You repeated that over and over in your head as Lin picked you up and carried you towards your bedroom. You knew you shouldn't have given in, you knew you should have kicked Lin out or just never opened the door.

You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that I don't wanna talk right now (Right now) You're asleep outside my house (Asleep outside my house) You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that La-la, la-la, la-la La-la-la La-la, la-la, la-la La-la-la Ayy Calling out my eye I fell in love again I know you'll regret me in the morning But you're gone again

You rolled over the next morning, expecting to hit a body, only to find the bed empty. You closed your eyes and punched your pillow in frustration. Of course Lin was gone. You had told yourself she would be the night before. But some small, dumb but small, part of you had hoped she wouldn't be. You looked around the room to see that everything had been put back the way it was originally before your wild night. It's like it never even happened. You redress yourself and walk to your kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee. You looked around a little and realized she didn't even attempt to leave a note or anything. That small part of you filled with hope completely went away. You were done, you thought you had been done once you moved but this time it was final.

Yeah You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that I don't wanna talk right now (I don't wanna talk right now) You're asleep outside my house (You're asleep outside my house) You're way too hot to be acting like that Acting like that, acting like that La-la, la-la, la-la La-la-la La-la, la-la, la-la La-la-la

The next time Lin showed up on your doorstep, you didn't answer. You were way too hot to be acting like that over Lin, it was time to move on.

[delfts-purple]

Saints Row Reboot Thoughts

So originally I had a massive ass post of my SR5 wish list sitting in my drafts but since that's now useless, gonna do this. For some context I have been playing since 06, when I was way to young and I fucking hated 4. Now lets go!

My Wants and not wants:

Reboot after SR2 or SRTT. No hate, SRTT was alright but it may be easier and better to reboot from SR2. I seriously do not want you to redo 1 and 2. They are very good games that can stand the test of time and deserve their place. I may be more pissed if you retcon 1 and 2 than I was at 4. Like I guess I could live with a remaster if it was a graphical and control scheme overhaul only. I do hear you young fans, we did have clunky controls back then but they were normal so I don't get put off by it.

It looks to be the case we are going back to the roots and my god are we overdue.

Lets talk clothing. Basically the entire clothing system from SR2, that is what I want pray for. It was peak customization that I have not had another game match.

BIG PHAT GOLD CHAINS PLEZ. I know its probably not fashionable anymore but hot damn it looks so good.

Body slider/Gender slider (idk what to call it) from SR2. Not only is it great for our Trans homies. It was just a great, nah, amazing tool. Really before its time.

Please, make it so I don't have to be a body builder. Like skinny Bosses need more love. My boy Ty was always skinny till 3 and 4 forced him to be bulky. Skinny boys need love tooo!!!!

Honestly like a hybrid of the character builder from 2 and 3 would work. The color, make up and feature diversity of SR3. Paired with the fine tuning of SR2. Its just like chefs kiss.

Custom walking styles, I always loved that my and my friends boss not walk alike.

Two tone hair again maybe? I just think its neat.

Honestly just all the fucking activities from SR2 and SR1. I loved them all, well except Heli assault but people liked that to so let them have it.

Tagging, please, I love tagging.

GOLD/PLATNUIM WEPON UNLOCKS! So gangster like hot damn.

BOOZE AND DRUGS! Like I have had 100s of hours of fun fucking about with that. Like if we had the variety of SR1 in booze and drugs, I would die and got to heaven.

I mean if you can find a way to not make romancing a bastardization I guess you can keep it.

JUST DON'T! Don't bastardize that charaters.

Can we maybe have back some of that grit? Like SR2 was a prefect balance of grit and humour. SRTT felt like I was a toddler been mollycoddled by shallow humour. Not enough grit and felt like it was wrote by a 10th grader tbh.

Make the Boss... them again. Like non of this 'he hu puckish rouge' shit. I don't play a gang game to be a fucking hero. I know, shock, horror. I play it to be a sociopathic bastard. I got 100 fucking games where I am the good guy, sometimes ya boi needs a break. A evil, going to hell for this, I do question my mental status when I laugh at this, break.

Mission and cut scene replay. One of the reason SR1 and 2 save files can rack up into the 1000s of hours for me is this feature. If I want to play one mission, I don't have to replay the whole game. I can give in to whims. I do not have a word for it in English but it is maximum happiness with fun.

More cut scenes. Like there felt like there was less of them in 3 and 4.

Idle animations. My Boss just been like 'yep, Delfts gone, time to go fishing or drinking or smoking' was just great.

Look Gat was never some weird immortal, unbeatable guy until you made him that way in 4 onwards. He was the kinda hot headed, asshole, who got him self into trouble over it, guy who we adored. Bring my boi back.

A photo mode. I mean I got very, very good at cropping screenshots and clipping my camera of walls but, my Boss deserves better! He his my handsome little killer and people need to know that.

MKUltra elevator nightmare shopping/wardrobe/garage screens, you know the ones, fucking scrap them. Go back to how it was in 1 and 2. I do not need to be subjected to CIA brutality while playing SR. I got enough of that thanks.

Keep the phone menu, that shit was tight. Real immersed me and I love seeing the Bosses phone. I mean I have bought and made replicas of them ffs.

Make hazel eyes behave like the did in the remaster. Like damn. Just. I have a whole post on this shit thats how good it was.

I know you guys are good for it but keep them fun af cheats. I spent to long as a massive af beating up super small people as it rained corpses. Oh and the gravity was gone.

Don't have dual wielding as a fucking upgrade. My Boss just dual wields, let him, like you did in 2.

Weapon skins, like in SR4, that was alright. I wouldn't mind that one.

Keep the Bosses back story vague still. I haven't wrote and perfected his back story over the last decade or more so you can piss on it.

Jackets and hoodie, stop the putting my hair in a ponytail. Last time I put on a fucking track jacket I didn't have to tie my hair back, It didn't happen in 2 so why 3 and 4?

Respect and Missions. Can we either have a return to the old style respect system to make people play the side missions or just not make people play them by force. I fucking hate Heli assault and all that flying shit, so been forced to do it made me want rip my hair out. Like if they are there people will play the ones they want, I do not want to be made to do it by the main story. THX

Bring back the day/night cycle. I could play for much longer when it wasn't so monotone. Also it made me think about what I was doing when. Like I wouldn't got to the night club at 10am.

Bring back Nightclubs. Tyde want's to party and so does Delfts.

Stop making the character hollow 2D’s of their former selves.

A varied city, like Stilwater. Seriously, feels like a real city and I have lived or worked in over 6 in my life so I know. Steelport felt like what some Vatnik Babushka (Boomer Grandma) in rural Siberia would describe the city, dull and unrealistic.

Have the gangs act like actual gangs. You know, go around doing crime and harassing NPCs like they did in 1 and 2.

NPCs, make them like you did in SR2. They acted like real people, did the most random and weird shit. Felt real. They also all look different or their was such a wide variety in base models I didn’t notice repetition. SRTT and SRIV they were like 5 NPCs. I had occasions where there was 10 of the same model and I was like, two or three is okay but fucking 10?

Make them drive the way they did in 1 and 2 too. I have drove in a city for a long time and that shit was so real. People are dumb sometimes.

Bring back Freckle Bitches!!!!!!

If I think of anything else I will add it but feel free to add your own and disagree with me. I kinda want to here how all you others be feeling about this. I feel fear and happy. Also can you tell I blasted this out at like 4am.

[godmademewithoutarms]

MLB KNY Au Umbrella Scene

Notes: uhhh so there is a spoiler character mentioned in here but he's also in the first season. I'm just gonna tell you who he is without spoilers so you can enjoy if you are an anime only! Kaigaku is the one who threw a peach at Zenitsu's head in Zen's backstory! Let me know if you think I should still tag spoilers or not! : )

Warnings: swearing because Inosuke, bullying, injuries, implied horniness but like implied enough to be seen as just a simple crush (because I'd feel weird if I went into detail) (gross). Let me know if it need any other warnings that I missed : )

Characters: Inosuke Hashibira, Zenitsu Agatsuma, random bully with no name, mentioned Kaigaku, mentioned Tanjirou Kamado

(This was made a 4am-6am so if you see a mistake pretend it's not there I will fix it eventually)

Zenitsu looked out the window at the thunderstorm from outside. Of course it was pouring down rain on the one day Kaigaku gets sick and has to stay home. He zoned out for the rest of class, thinking about how him of all people was chosen to be Ladybug. He wasn't strong enough nor did he have the leadership skills required for the job.

But Oyakata-sama saw something in him. Something in him that not even Zenitsu could find. He also saw something in that dumb cat too…

He had spaced out for so long he didn't even realize class was dismissed until Tanjirou waved a hand in front of his face. Tanjirou being a good friend, asked him what was wrong but Zenitsu just brushed him off. Oyakata-sama told him to keep his identity secret to everyone including his partner or there'd be consequences. He wasn't sure how much damage a sickly, bedridden, blind man could do but he certainly wasn't trying to find out.

As soon as he exited the warm school building and entered the freezing cold rain and thunder his least favorite person found him. He never really got to know the kid's name considering how every time they ran into each other Zenitsu was left beaten and bruised. On the days that it was extra gruesome, he'd sneak in through the back and hope Kaigaku wouldn't catch him again.

“Oi punk I thought I told you to stay out of my line of sight.” Mystery kid got closer and closer until Zenitsu was backed up into the school’s entrance.

“I mean we go to the same school, it's kind of hard.” He nervously rambled, looking for a way out. The nameless kid didn't like his word choice as he punched Zenitsu in the face. That one would leave a black eye for sure.

He was about to throw another punch at a now crying Zenitsu until the school door next to them slammed open. “What the fuck are you doing?” Inosuke snarled. Zenitsu couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked with a green knit scarf wrapped around his neck and a plain green umbrella in hand, both matching the green in his eyes.

He involuntarily blushed, not going unnoticed by Inosuke. When did he start feeling like this towards him? When did he start feeling this way about boys in general? However there's no time to question your sexuality when your bully practically has you in a chokehold so Zenitsu lets the thought drift away as his airways close up.

Inosuke grabbed the other kid's hand and gently but still with force removed it from Zenitsu’s neck. Inosuke stared the bully down and he did it right back. “I said, what the fuck are you doing.” He said much darker than last time. Maybe he had caught Kaigaku’s sickness and didn't know it because he felt a lot hotter than he was a second ago. Not only that but Inosuke looked hotter.

“What's it to you? Mind your own business pretty boy!”

‘Pretty boy?’ Zenitsu thought, face painfully contorting with confusion.

“Nah." He huffed before shoving their classmate down the stairs, startling him enough to make him run away. “Man, what a coward!” Inosuke snorted and turned towards Zenitsu, making his heart race and body flush a slight shade of pink. “You alright dude? Your clothes are soaked.”

“Does that matter? Thank you for saving me! You really didn't have to do that.” He jumped at the clap of thunder.

“I did anyway.” Inosuke shrugged, not seeing it as a big deal. He had been itching for a fight, today was his lucky day. He was gonna mention how Zenitsu was shivering but his dad’s assistant pulled up in front of the school.

He sighed as he accepted his fate and dragged his feet to the car before stopping and turning right back to the shivering boy. He tugged off his scarf and wrapped it around Zenitsu. “You need these more than me.” He shoved the umbrella into his hand and- smiled?

Inosuke kissed a lovestruck Zenitsu on the cheek before turning back to the car that was impatiently waiting on him. “Thank you! I'll give them back to you tomorrow, I promise!” he called to the boy

“I don't doubt it” Inosuke lazily waved goodbye with his back still turned. Before he knew it, Inosuke was gone, leaving Zenitsu with two borrowed items and some feelings to sort out.

If Zenitsu walked into his home with a blackened eye, a stupidly wide grin, and two things that were not his own that was nobody’s business but his.

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

Can we PLEASE get some todoroki fluff I miss your writing 🥺

hI IM SO SORRY I KNOW THESE PAST FEW MONTHS IVE BEEN SHIT AT WRITING/POSTING BUT IVE BEEN CONSTANTLY BUSY, also I wrote this like 2 weeks ago at 4 am and I don't even know if it's the kind of fluff you wanted lmao dont mind me 😊 (also I guess this is a college au?)

----

'Do you love me?'

Shoutos eyebrows furrowed at the random text you had sent him late at night, or early in the morning he supposed. You had told him a few hours ago that you were feeling extra sleepy tonight and were gonna head to bed early, and there was literally an 'I love you too' message above yours, the one he had sent through your nightly 'I love you' before bed. But apparently that wasnt enough.

'Of course I do, why?'

He tried focusing his attention back onto the show he was watching, but the uneasy feeling in his gut told him that you needed him right now - and he chose to pause the show and impatiently wait for your response. Shouto couldnt help but get slightly annoyed as the 3 dots kept appearing and disappearing, but still, he kept his eyes focused on the bright screen, ready to read whatever it was you were going to send him.

'Just.... Idk... its dumb... I know you love me, I really do, but sometimes I cant help but think you're just staying because you feel bad... it wouldnt be the first time someones used me for affection..."

Shouto found himself staring at your message for a while. Did you think he was using you?

'Baby... you dont really think I'm with you because I feel bad... you know me, I'm not willing to stay with someone for something as dumb as that. I love you y/n, I love you more than anyone I've ever met, please believe me. Do you want me to come over?'

Letting out a long sigh as he sent his reply, he jumped up out of his bed and went to slip his shoes on. Even if you said you didnt want him to come, he was going to.

'No! Well - if you do.... can you come in like an hour?'

'Why?'

'I dont want you to see me crying."

Its official now, hes definitely coming over. He even grabbed an extra hoodie for good measure, knowing that no matter what his hoodie would cheer you up at least a bit. Your apartment was very luckily pretty close by, only a 15 minute walk that he could push down to 10 if he moved quickly - so it wasnt long before a slightly panting Shouto was knocking on your door.

You knew who it was, who else in their right mind would come over at 4am (although you did have some highly crackheaded friends that wouldnt surprise you if they suddenly showed up this late, but right now you just wanted Shouto so you didnt even consider that).

"You weren't supposed to come for another 40 minutes."

Shouto gave you a teasing smile as he made his way through your door, even though your tear stained cheeks and puffy red eyes almost had him tearing up himself. And you really thought he didnt actually love you.

"Hmm really? I didnt notice, I was too busy missing my darling."

Not even giving you the chance to roll your eyes at his remark, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back into your bedroom, barely kicking off his shoes before sitting down and holding out the hoodie he brought for you.

"If you wanna lie down you have to put this on."

This time you were able to fully give him your eye roll, pulling a snicker from his lips - apparently even sad you still found joy in messing with him. Once the hoodie was on, Shouto wasted no time in wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him, falling backwards himself so that you would end up lying on his chest.

"Now, you wanna talk about it baby? Why'd you think that all of the sudden?"

He felt you nuzzle closer into him, your fists bundling up his own hoodie as you breathed in his comforting scent. Even if you were nervous to talk about what going on, Shouto always had a way of keeping you calm.

"I was just thinking about how much my life has changed since I moved here, I guess I was being sentimental. First I was all happy thinking about how I got to meet you and all our friends, and how I felt included and cared about for once. But then I remembered my whole reason for moving out here in the first place - before college, no one gave a damn about me. Not my parents, not my friends, no one. I realized how many people that were close to me had never cared about my wellbeing, but stayed because they knew that I would care about theirs. So I moved here for a new start, hoping I'd find people who did care, and I did! But I cant help but wonder if they only care because they're using me too..."

Shouto rubbed your back gently as you rambled on, listening intently to every word you said. It hurt hearing you say these things, he knew you didnt have much back home, but he didnt think that you had really never had people genuinely care about you.

"Baby, you're with good people now. We all love you, even Katsuki loves you. And you better get it through that thick skull of yours that I absolutely adore you. No one here is using you, and if they are you know I will not hesitate to beat the shit out of them."

He smiled when he heard your soft giggle, happy he was able to help lift your spirits.

"Shouto, you cant just go beating people up."

"I can if they hurt you."

"Only if they punch me or something. Otherwise, no. I cant risk you getting actually hurt."

Shouto didnt respond to that, instead pulling you closer into his chest and rolling onto his side, lacing your legs together and making it so that you couldnt leave even if you wanted to as a soft smile made it's way onto his face.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah babe?"

"I love you. More than anything."

[powerhh]

Hi, I hope you're well! It's me, TomorrowsHero from AO3. I've been throwing around the idea of writing a chatfic of my own (for Pokemon SwSh, not BNHA), and I was wondering, as someone who has a few already, how much time you spend sweating over your portrayals of everyone? I know I probably shouldn't, but I feel compelled to get everyone right. Anything you do to help with that feeling? Thank you!

hi!!! i’m so sorry i haven’t gotten to answering this ask for a while!! i saw that you sent me another one with the same question (which i’m grateful bc i got a notif for that one, but not this one) and didn’t have the time to answer it instantly and then it slipped my mind lmao. i’ll not respond to the other ask you sent considering it’s mainly the same question, but i’ll answer the things you added in that question here as well. also, im honored that you asked Me for advice on chatfics, im very glad my fics have left an impression on you!!

alright so! this is gonna get long, so buckle up bc i actually have a lot of thoughts (contrary to popular belief) when it comes to writing my chatfics and you can take out whatever you find helpful from this:

the first mindset i have when writing my chatfics is the “if the opposite has never been stated in canon, there’s no reason this couldn’t be a thing”-mindset. like, say todoroki has never said in canon that he enjoys listening to cascada, but he has also never said that he Doesn’t listen to cascada. this means it wouldn’t break his established character to throw in a random interest like that. it doesn’t break the character, but it adds some flare, which is where the comedy comes from. a serious character stays serious, but the funny part is them having unexpected soft spots and interests, because the reader is so used to the seriousness. a very powerful character having their own interests not at all related to what makes them powerful, or even insecurities to give them even more depth. it’s all about finding the core attributes of the character and staying true to that to some extend to not make the character feel like someone completely different, and then going HAM with everything else. as you probably have noticed, i take a LOT of creative liberties with side characters, especially with my pro hero bnha fic, Daily Lives of Pro Heroes, because most of the characters are more or less blank slates to go wild on. actually that’s another point:

use the side characters that barely have any established interactions or interests!! they’re perfect to drive story and situations forward that wouldn’t go anywhere with the main characters because of their already very existing characterization that you don’t want to kill fully!!

to answer a part of the actual question? a lot of my characterization may seem really surface-level and random at first glance and like i’m fully shitposting, but i usually have it decently sorted out. i Do follow what has been said in canon to some extent, but if i don’t like something or if something appeared later, i see no need to follow it religiously. people aren’t here for canon, they’re here for comedy. i like following the general mood and vibe of the characters, then exaggerate it at some points and also add some depth to the characters by giving them random and sometimes even meaningless interests to make them seem more like, you know, real people. i let my portrayals grow with the fic and derail more as i go, to give the reader more time to get used to MY characterization and canon of each character. so like? do spend some time giving each character you’re going to use some base values and points you find important in the portrayal.

i have a bunch of situations and conversations in my chatfics that are pulled directly or are closely inspired by my own life events or ideas ive had (i do a lot of dumb shit), and also a bunch of convos and situations that are closely inspired by my friends and things that have happened in actual group chats i am in. 

another thing i feel is pretty important to make the chat feel more alive and relatable is making them not Only talk about random and wild situations. there has to be some kind of downtime and some more mindless chatting, or even a character feeling down or sad, because groupchats aren’t Always wild and funny. a perfect example is actually when someone stole parts of my bnha chatfic and posted it on wattpad. the thing is that while most of it was stolen, the person changed some things and also removed a lot of the small-talk and less Wild situations, which ended up changing some of the situations and removing a Lot of of my characterization, which made the characters feel less relatable and just flat. clearly the person hadn’t understood why i wrote the characters like i did and managed to ruin that by simply cutting and pasting their favorite segments of the fic, without paying any mind to what the other parts contributed with.

it comes to actually writing the chatting, you may not have noticed, but i actually have slight different ways i write every single character. this is honestly inspired by my times of being a homestuck fan (lmao) and the many different group chats i’ve been in, and it Does make a difference even if people don’t fully notice exactly what it is. sometimes there are too many characters to have very distinct differences and still match the characters, but i usually spend a good amount of time thinking about what tone i want each character to have when typing and how to achieve that. if i take my bnha chatfic   Yikes™ again as example, you may notice that tokoyami always starts what he’s saying with a capitalized letter, but doesn’t fully care about proper punctuation after that, it’s like he has auto capitalization on. iida is the type to take his time and actually write with proper punctuation. ashido is very!!! excited!!! and uses a lot!! of exclaimation marks!!! kaminari writes in lower caps and doesn’t use apostrophes on words that should have them (like doesnt instead of doesn’t etc, with some exceptions where the sentence would get too confusing without them). sero is similar to kaminari but at least bothers with the apostophes.  note: sometimes i obviously personally slip up and forget what i’ve decided for each, but there IS a thought behind every single character in All of my chatfics lmao.

anyway!! that got long and it’s not even all i wanted to say but it’s all i have time for right now. take whatever you want out of this, but i hope you find something helpful. it’s 4am so i fully don’t know if i make sense, so feel free to DM me or send another ask for clarification or more questions!! also, ive told you many times before, but thank you for reading my fics!! <3 

[billhaderlovebot]

willy mclean hcs

ah yes. it is time for another hannah and molly headcanon extravaganza. we've been thirsty for this hoe all damn week. @gazebros

you think you know willy the first time you meet him properly.

in fact, you do know him.

you've seen him around, verbally abusing pool-goers and smoking pot on his breaks.

you've never crossed paths other than the one time you asked him where the toilets were and he blew smoke in your face.

but the first time you meet him properly it's kinda an accident, in that you weren't looking for company.

you'd just broken up with your extremely long term boyfriend that week.

u have a child together.

it wasn't a toxic relationship and it didn't end on bad terms, and you loved each other very very much, but you both agreed that you'd grown apart and you'd be better as two seperate people.

plus, you needed to keep it cool between the two of you for the sake of your son.

nonetheless, it was a bummer.

you were the only one left at the pool, and it had long since closed. you'd been sat on the side, watching the ripples and ignoring how cold and dark it was getting. the only source of light came from the LED's on the bottom of the pool.

and willy came out of the weird room thingy he sits in while people are swimming.

"we're closed, man."

probably the biggest joint you've seen since college in his hand.

"yeah. sorry. lemme get in on that, though."

you reach up to take the joint from him and he shrugs and hands it to you.

"you good?"

"just broke up with this guy, um, we've been together since... i don't know, fuckin, forever. im sad, i guess. he's staying with his mom."

"oh, worm. i can get my bong."

and you don't know why you find yourself telling this random guy everything.

but you talk and smoke for hours.

willy is like a breath of fresh air.

you can't remember the last time you'd laughed until your ribs hurt.

and you've told each other like

everything there is to know about everything

and in this moment you actually feel like nobody else knows you better in the entire world

even though you've only been talking for like four hours.

by the end of the night you're basically sat in his lap.

you're so close that your lips almost touch when you light another joint and pass it between you.

and you hear his breath hitch

and his eyes are dark.

"your ex didn't give you syphilis or anything, did he?"

"no. why?"

and then suddenly his lips are on yours and he's holding your face in his hands.

and all you can feel is him

and its Perfect.

and he's warm and soft and you fist your hands into the front of his stupid poncho

and you have to go back to your apartment to fuck because he doesn't have one oops.

and you get there and you apologise for the mess because you've not been in a good place lately.

"dude i live in a fucking pool don't even worry."

thus begins Friends With Benefits.

the best sex you've literally Ever had in your life along with the best weed and the best 4am talks and a guy who talks to you like you're a normal fucking person for Once.

Willy McLean E*ts P*ssy.

you pull his hair sometimes

nothing extreme jus a light tug yknow

but it drives him Insane

he Loves It.

he doesn't dirty talk a lot but he's very vocal. like he's not one of those guys where it feels like you're fucking an ice sculpture. he actually like makes noise.

and tells you what he wants.

so it's just u guys hanging out and fucking for like a long time. and it's good. it's great.

no commitment or anything it's pretty chill.

you go off the radar a few times a week to spend time with your son, who's currently living with his father until you get your life in order.

one night, after sex (it was during the shining bc that movie is Long so y'all jus ignored it n Got On With Things) willy is watching you sleep.

he's watching you exist.

he just watches you for the longest time.

his heart melts when you subconsciously shuffle closer to him and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

and he realises that the feelings he has for you run deeper than he thought they did.

he realises that he might maybe a little bit love you.

maybe.

you're so strong and you would do anything to protect your kid and you're not afraid of looking stupid and you make him laugh like nobody has ever made him laugh.

also the sex? 😔👌

he thinks you're probably the most wonderful human being in the whole world.

you didn't plan on introducing willy to your son.

because you didn't think it would ever be anything serious and therefore not have an impact on his life.

but it had to happen at some point.

and one day he gets in your car and there's this lil curly haired toddler in the back in this lil car seat.

"uhh. we have to go sign him up for preschool."

you'd forgotten it was almost august.

willy is really nervous because he's sure he smells of pot and he doesn't really know what to do around kids.

but elias is surprisingly quiet and he giggles along to whatever dumb shit you and willy are talking about in the front seat even though he has no idea what you're saying.

willy falls even harder for you when he watches you ruffle elias' hair and kiss his head.

and elias really likes willy's poncho.

and when you get to the school and the secretary starts gushing about what a cute couple you and willy are

willy Loses His Mind

and he's about say something

but you're like "thankyou so much!🥰" and take his hand and the paperwork she gives you and drag him into the waiting room.

"wh-"

"we are a cute couple."

he pretends not to notice when you don't let go of his hand for the rest of the day.

because you fuck and have been fucking for a while but this is Soft.

and you pretend not to lose your shit when willy picks up elias and you look at them both together, giggling like idiots and realise that they're all you need.

a couple months later, when the pool closes for the winter months, you realise you haven't seen him in a couple days.

which is worrying, since he lives at the pool um-

and so you go there

n he's just

jus sittin.

"hey, babe."

"hey, where have you been?"

"just around. come sit."

and for a minute it's normal. you're talking and laughing so hard that your sides split and kissing (ft inappropriate touching)

and it gets a lil cold and he puts his obnoxious knitted poncho over you.

and he looks at you for a bit.

and you barely hear it when he whispers

"i think im in love with you."

and oh

oh fuck.

of course.

and you love him the fuck BACK

but he takes your stunned silence as rejection, mumbles some garbled apology and stands up to leave.

you run right after him, though.

it's something straight out of a romance movie, he thinks, when you spin him around by his arm and pull him down to your lips by his collar.

"i love you too. so fucking much, will."

that night you invite him to stay over.

"isn't elias staying with you right now?"

"yeah. he misses you. he keeps asking about the poncho man idk"

when he wakes up the next day after watching two and a half hours of paw patrol with your son (he kept him entertained, seeing how exhausted you were, and allowed you to nap.) you're not there.

he heads into the kitchen where you've sat elias down with a bowl of cereal and you're dancing around to whatever's playing on the radio.

and he sees a box of his stuff next to the couch. everything he owns. you must've gotten it from the pool while he was asleep.

"what's going on, baby?"

"shit, yeah, um, you're moving in."

his heart explodes

and he's trying so hard not to cry

at the concept of having a home

and with you, nonetheless.

he's sure he's never been so in love.

but he cries anyway, when your back is turned, when he thinks you don't know.

he Loves You.

[immortal-fire-0-0]

Random umbrella academy headcannons

Mild spoils for season 2

Luther

Harm his family, he’ll break your back over his knee bane style

Listens to imagin dragons

Will occasionally play videogames, especially if his siblings asked him to. By siblings I mean Allison and maybe five.

Maybe has a Twitter to keep up with events

Diego

Would own a dog, most likely a medium/large mixed breed, like a German Shepard cross, if he wasn’t always doing vigilante work

Casual gamer

Attempts to steel the rare delicacy’s made by grace, but someone has stolen allots of them first. He Can always steel luthers though.

Alright at cooking, probably the best in the family when it comes to more dinner or lunch type meals, especially ones involving meats. Not so great with bakery type foods, like cookies and brownies and cakes. That’s grace’s thing

Might have a Twitter that he dosnt use often. Might have an Instagram, where he mainly posts pictures of food he’s cooked

Probably either an Xbox or Pc player. Might have a switch too, but dosnt play it nearly as often

Allison

She’s not amazing at cooking, but at the very least can make a sandwich and oven chicken nuggets and chips.

The best with children. This is why she’s the only character to have a child.

Can get stressed easily, but is good at dealing with and/or hiding it.

Probably has two Instagram accounts, a private one just for her closest friends, and one for her fans. Probably also has twitter and maybe tiktok.

Mainly plays crappy mobile games, but will occasionally play Mario party or something with her siblings

Klaus

Probably listens to a lot of mother mother, specifically little pistol and most of the o my heart album. Oh, and happy pills by wethers.

Probably hates being alone, due to trauma from being locked alone in a mosulem. Ben helped a bit with it when he was around.

Celebrates Oktoberfest hard because A) He can be assumed to be German and B) BIER! ALCOHOL!

Has probably been to way to many raves

Could probably entertain a child enough to distract them from doing anything wrong, but no one lets him baby sit, especially before season 2.

Most likely has a tumblr and discord, maybe has an Instagram because another one of his siblings convinced him to.

Enjoys playin video games, but isn’t the best at them. Indie horror games are probably his favourite, but isn’t against playing other things.

Except for a couple of FPS shooters like battlefield and COD. Splatoon’s alright though

Usually uses Nintendo console or a PC to game, but dosnt really care what he’s using to play games.

Five

Probably listens to a little bit of mother mother.

Ironically enjoys boomer humour and making fun of it.

Probably enjoys making fun of entitled Karen’s.

Probably caused some drama just to sit there and enjoy watching it.

“Touch me, and I will break your fingers!”

But he’s not lying, you made the mistake of brushing his warming off as a joke.

Now you’re in the hospital with a lot worse than broken fingures

Probably has tumblr, redit, discord and hates Instagram with a passion.

Reads a fair bit. Dosnt really mind what it is, but prefers either physics/mathematics or violent fiction books. Hates children’s books that are very very dumbed down.

Plays videogames in secret. Would make a let’s play channel on YouTube, but is usually pretty quiet while playing, and dosnt want his family to know

Totally a PC gamer. Dosnt mind other consols, but pc with a ps controller is easiest for him, especially to keep secret from his family.

Really bad sleep squedule.

Goes to sleep anywhere between 10:30pm-6am, can’t sleep when it’s light outside, sometimes just randomly wakes up at like 12-4am for no reason, and can’t go back to sleep.

That’s partly why he’s a coffee addict

Likes to randomly bust out old slang and confuse people.

Enjoys paradoxes, and will share paradoxes with people to confuse them.

Ben

Used to be shy as a kid

Would conspire to steal grace’s baking, along with klaus and vanya. Maybe he would convince five to help on rare occasions.

Sometimes five would steel the baking before them if they asked him to help them.

Very calm. Usually reading or drawing or something

Can get competitive while gaming, but always try’s to be a good sport.

Can be funny to talk to, but is quiet, so only really jokes when prompted.

Precious been, but likes being a little mischievous.

Vanya

Thought shy a quiet, she can be quite sly.

Dosnt mind the company of any of her siblings except for Luther, because he locked her in a small, soundproof room, and is almost as bad, if not worse, than Reginald.

She enjoys klaus’ and five’s company the most, thought sepertly.

She likes klaus’ and Allison’s company the most when they’re together.

She dosnt really enjoy talking to Diego, thought that’s because she just dosnt know what to talk about to him.

After the mess that was the white violin, everyone is very supportive of her, and are the first people to buy tickets to her concerts

Is probably very good with children, even children with issues that make it difficult for others to deal with, and was probably why she was such a good nanny with Harlem.

Probably regrets/feels guilty for hurting her old nanny’s, if she remembers any of them.

Loves listening to grace talk about things, or even just sing and it hum while doing other tasks, like cooking or cleaning.

Can sometimes get a sensory overload when she’s stressed or when it’s too loud, where her powers can just sort of go off accidently.

Though it is rare she hurts people when she has a sensory overload, as she can control it enough to choose where she outputs her power.

She always try’s to keep track of her emotions, now she’s off her medication and knows she has powers, otherwise people and nature can get hurt.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Hello! This message is an open invitation to share anything you want people to know about any of your OCs, or any headcanons you may have for canon characters that you haven't gotten to voice! Have fun and share with us your thoughts!

I’m in a really soft mood all the sudden, so I want to rant about Sera and Bodhi for a bit.

In my brain, everyone survives Scarif. Bodhi loses a hand. Sera has some fun new scars. Everybody is too injured to help with the battle of Yavin. BUT, they’re all still alive.

After this, Sera develops a not so secret crush on Bodhi. He was the one with her during the battle of Scarif, not to mention saved her life after throwing the grenade out of the ship, which he totally did. It only gets worse as she gets to know Bodhi more and more through missions, hanging around the ship and just talking to him.

Bodhi meanwhile is sweating. He likes Sera almost immediately. She’s the one who helped pull him back to reality in the cave. She showed him unapologetic kindness after everything he’s been through with Saw’s people, and is just a bright light of hope in every situation. The longer he knows her, it only gets worse. He doesn’t have Cassian or any of the other soldier’s hang up of seeing her as this little kid. To him she’s this bright, pretty, strong young woman who he’s starting to fall for.

I’m thinking it takes a little while for them to get together. For one, they need time to really get to know each other outside of a crisis situation. Second, they’re both worried about ruining the friendship they’ve formed with each other. And third, Bodhi is awkward and doesn’t know when somebody is flirting with him.

They’re not that subtle and everyone knows how Sera and Bodhi feel about each other, accept Cassian. Cassian has a bit of a blind spot when it comes to Sera. In the back of his mind he always sees her as the little girl hiding in the vents of a stolen ship. Whatever romantic feels she has towards a person are dismissed as “a little crush” like she’s still twelve years old. It takes Jyn having to explain to him, very clearly that Sera is a young woman now and these “little crushes” actually have a lot more weight to them.

Eventually Sera makes the first move after having a nice chat with Baze about it. She does the vague “well, there’s this guy” thing and Baze immediately recognizes who “this guy” is. He essentially tells her that if she doesn’t tell him how she feels, it’s just going to eat away at her for the rest of her life and if the relationship is strong, even if he rejects her, they can survive it. Sera is like “that’s great advice, I’ll be right back”, finds Bodhi, kisses him full on the mouth and says something to the effect of “I like your face, let’s date”.

And now for a series of random couple questions I have taken the time to answer.

Which one hogs the blanket?

It’s a tie, both Bodhi and Sera are very sensitive to cold.

Which one is ticklish?

Bodhi. Sera found out completely by accident. She tries only to use her powers for good.

Which one proposes?

Sera, it just kind of slips out. They’re lying in bed, Bodhi says something, and she says “We could get married.” Bodhi thinks she’s joking, but he looks down and instead of joking she’s looking down embarrassed. “Hey,” he says making her look up at him, “are you serious?” “Yes. I’d really like to marry you someday Bodhi Rook. Do you want to marry me?” “Yes.”

Who buys the really expensive things and who returns the really expensive things bc they needed that money for rent?

Both of them are rather good with money, so it doesn’t get that bad. However, every now and then Sera is able to save a bit of money and spends it on something frivolous. Bodhi: It’s really nice, but we could have used it towards an actual couch. Sera: But dinosaur cookies. Bodhi: Never mind, you’re totally right.

Who is very excited about adventure and who is thinking about how life threatening it is?

Sera is all for danger. She’s been part of the rebellion for years, danger is her middle name. So yeah, I’m going to totally crawl through the vents of this Empire facility to gather the information we need. Bodhi: Please don’t.

Person A of your OTP returning home from war after Person B has believed them to be dead for many months. Are they happy/confused? Do they think they’re hallucinating?

If Bodhi were to come back from a mission after being presumed dead. Sera would lose it. Not caring who's watching she’d run straight to his arms and dissolve into a sobbing mess. She’d hold onto him as if she’s afraid he’d disappear. Bodhi for his part would hold her to him breathing in her scent knowing at last he’s home.

If Sera were to come back Bodhi would be in shock. He’d slowly walk towards her not trusting his eyes. She’d smile, anxious that he’s angry with her for not re-establishing contact sooner. He reaches her and they stand in silence for a moment. Sera smiles weakly, “Hi”. Bodhi pulls her into a hug which Sera returns letting out a strangled laugh, “Hi.”

Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

Sera. She likes sleeping in the cockpit of the ship while on missions and usually sits herself down on Bodhi’s lap. Although Bodhi does have a tendency to fall asleep while resting his head on her thigh while she runs her fingers through his hair.

Who made the first move?

Sera almost certainly made the first move. Bodhi would have liked her for a longer time, but never did anything because A) the age difference, B) not knowing if Cassian would approve, and C) thinking she deserved someone braver than him. Sera at some point would kiss him and tell him how much she likes him. He would then be the first to say “I love you”.

What’s each other their cell phone contact names for each other?

Before Relationship: Bodhi for Sera: Stars, Sera for Bodhi: The Pilot

In Relationship: Bodhi for Sera: My Stars, Sera for Bodhi: My Pilot

Who’s the one to go to the grocery store with a full list of what they need, and who’s the one that goes for one thing and gets everything else but that one thing?

Bodhi checks and double checks the list to make sure they’ve got everything they need at the store. Sera usually goes to buy milk or some other little thing, and ends up getting stuff for a nice dinner, but totally forgets the milk.

What are their plans for the future?

After the war is over and the Empire is defeated, they both want to start a family of their own and find some quiet place in the outer rim to settle down. They’ll continue helping the rebellion in getting a government up and running, but after that that small farm on Yavin 4 is calling their name.

Who was popular in high school and who lies that they were just to impress the other?

Sera wasn’t popular in the stereotypical sense, but most people know her and seem to like her.

Bodhi more blended into the background and didn’t have a lot of friends. Mainly he was just trying to get it over with.

Who knocks on the other’s door crying at 4am?

Before they start dating, they usually try to keep their trauma to themselves. Bodhi usually ends up getting up to work on his ship to cope while Sera either lies in bed or goes to one of the ships to sleep. After they start dating, Bodhi still doesn’t go to her, partially because tinkering is the only way to calm his nerves and partially because he wants to be as brave and she thinks he is. Sera at first doesn’t go to him since she still wants to appear like the bright happy person, but eventually she caves and knocks on his door.

Who collects rocks and shells when they go to the beach and who thinks it’s dumb?

Sera collects all sorts of little trinkets from different planets she’s gone to over the years. Bodhi actually likes it and sometimes brings back things of his own to add to the collection.

[yminie]

vaunt (m) | jeon jungkook

pairing: Jungkook x Reader genre/warnings: college/fratboy!jungkook, fratparty!au, smut, porn with bare minimum plot, oral(male and female recieving), unprotected sex(stay safe kids), squirting, creampie, jungkook has a “huge wang”(phrasing by @gimmesumsuga 2k18), all the good stuff y’know. words: 9387 summary: Every weekend Beta Tau throws a ‘little’ party to help students relax and let loose and frat resident Jungkook has a big mouth that talks a lot of big game. You finally get sick of the lack of relaxation on your end and set out to see if he’s all talk.

a/n: I literally thought this up yesterday at 4am after some lazy(unrelated) porn watching so, enjoy!

Even the fifth pass of the vodka bottle around the circle wasn’t building your tolerance to the conversation across from you, but you doubt anything could.

“Wait, it wouldn’t fit?” Jimin leans forward, smacking the younger on the leg with a disbelieving yet bright grin stretching his cheeks.

“My dick literally wouldn’t fit. Yet another girl I’m too big for.” You blink slowly down at the alarmingly fast emptying cup in your hand just before you take another swig, tongue dragging across your lower lip to catch any stray drops.

“Like, too long?” You can’t help but frown in mild disgust as all the boys within the circle shuffle closer to the boy, eyes alight with intrigue.

“Too long and too thick. I really thought Momo would give me a decent run for my money, but no such luck!” Jungkook leans back, legs spread and arms propped behind him against the back of the couch, and the cocky smirk tilting the corners of his lips curves even further as Taehyung whoops and claps a hand against his shoulder.

“Shit man, unlucky! Did you end up getting to finish or was she stingy?” Really? Is this how boys regularly talk about the girls they fuck, or is it specially reserved for parties sat with people that really don’t want to fucking hear about e.g me?

“Nah she was decent, gave a good attempt at blowing me until I convinced her to just sit with her mouth open while I jacked myself. I spent enough time eating her out, she owed me that much.” The boys sat around the cocky youngster all hoot with laughter, owls perched on tree branches, and the ones closest lay into him, hitting him good naturedly while they grin and sneer. Boys are fuckin’ gross.

“Are they for real?” Irene whispers, leaning in close until she’s resting back on your shoulder, and you roll your eyes with a huff, reaching out to snatch the last dregs of the Absolut before Yoongi could get a hold of it, and he quickly fixes you with a squinty glare you shamelessly return, emptying the bottle into your cup.

“That was my fuckin’ shot.” He’s still glaring, but there’s really no venom in his voice. Unless the slurring covers it up.

“I’m sat here listening to your little brother talk absolute shit about whatever monster cock he’s dreamt up, so you owe me a little more than a shot of alcohol.” Irene giggles beside you, head tipped back against your shoulder and almost colliding with your jaw, and Yoongi’s expression lightens to a fuzzy grin.

“Oh, you’re not impressed?” You merely raise an eyebrow, lifting your cup to your lips to drain the last of the too-sweet-too-strong mixed drink before promptly flicking the empty plastic towards him, which he essentially ignores other than a further upturn of his lips.

“I need another drink.” You drag yourself from the couch, Irene in tow, and quickly rehydrate yourself.

When you return, your spots been taken by strangers and the boys have disappeared, but you pay it no mind, simply finding somewhere else to sit as you down another cup; this time in peace.

___________

Same day of the week.

Same stupid frat house.

Same old dingy couch.

Same obnoxiously loud dick talk.

Why do you come to Beta Tau’s again?

Oh yeah, free alcohol.

“So she dislocated her jaw?!” You bury your face into Yoongi’s arm, pawing at his jacket as you groan in disgust. He chuckles, taking another drag from the joint perched between his thumb and forefinger, and simply holds the freshly opened bottle of Absolut towards you. It’s Raspberry this time, sweet enough that one swig burns your nose with sugar, but unfortunately it doesn’t burn your eardrums.

“No, no! She thought she did!” Jimin hiccups as he giggles at the absurdity, correcting Hoseok sharply even as he sways from side to side. “Her jaw cracked or something, right Kook?” “Yeah she worked like the head and stuff in, but when she tried to go further her jaw clicked. Nearly bit my dick off but I pulled out pretty quick.” Jungkook is blasé about the whole memory, sipping smoothly from the red cup Jimin hands him and only scrunching his nose momentarily from the toxicity. Now that’s something to impress – Jimin’s drinks are like ingesting straight poison and it’s baffling how one tiny person can devour so much alcohol and not die. “But you didn’t get to try and fuck her?” Namjoon pitches in, lazed back in a random bean bag off to the side as he occasionally dissociates, and you digress Jimin’s probably mixed him a drink or two tonight. “Nah, she skipped out after that like I spooked her. I honestly don’t think she believed it was going to be that big. The mood was kind of killed afterwards anyway, and I ended up levelling up on Overwatch again that night instead so it’s all good.” Jungkook is sporting the same old cocky grin that makes your stomach roll in disgust, and you continue to ignore just how tightly his leather pants are stretched across his thighs. Fuck, I’m hammered. “Damn, Tzuyu’s a looker too. Fuckin’ shame.” “It’s a shame you lot won’t shut the fuck up.” You wish you had the strength to say it loud enough to be heard, but at this stage you’re just tired. Cheek mushed against Min Yoongi’s shoulder as you wave the smoke from his joint out of your eyes, you simply grunt to yourself just loud enough for only the two people next to you to hear. Irene muffles her giggles with a closed fist over her lips whereas Yoongi lets his dry chuckle loose, coughing slightly when the smoke in his throat gets caught and chokes him a little. The cold glass of heavens escape is still cradled against your chest, and you look up to reply to Jimin’s look of desire with an almost predatory scowl and tightening of your hands around the bottle neck, and he sensibly makes no move to take it from you. Maybe one day you’d be able to get through a frat party without the desperate need for more, more, more alcohol. Until then, no one’s getting between you and these bottles you ‘borrow’ off Yoongi once he’s three or four joints in. Bless his heart. __________ “Have you finally managed to get it in yet, Kook?” Jimin cackles as Jungkook settles beside him on the lounge and the rest of the boys break out into laughter loud enough to have your head aching. I’m so not drunk enough for this. “No.” He whines repulsively and reaches a hand down to brace over his crotch, fingers flexing and moulding to his junk. “Worst fuckin’ blue balls I’ve ever had.” “Who was it now?” You could swear these idiots hadn’t eaten in days with how starved they were for Jungkook’s bullshit gossip, and you roll your eyes so hard you swear you glimpse your brain. “Suzy.” Tongue-in-cheek, Jungkook drops the name of his latest ‘attempted’ conquest to a chorus of gasps and you arch a brow. Boys are dumb. “You’re fuckin’ lying!” “Suzy? You’re joking right?” “Mate, she’s untouchable, how the fuck did you get anywhere near her?” Jungkook leans forward with a shrug, sipping from his cup. “Girls talk man.” “So she did it to see if the rumours are true?” This earns another shrug from Jungkook and the way the boys get more and more excited makes heat boil under your skin. How many more times would you be subjected to this? “Guess so, I didn’t exactly ask her.” “Mate, are her tits as perky in person as they always look in those tight tops?” Jungkook grins against the rim of his cup with a quirk of his brow towards Namjoon and it sends the group into another excited fit. “Fuck! But you couldn’t get it in?” He shakes his head. “When I tried she started to tear up and told me she really, really wanted to, but I was gonna tear her pussy if I went any further. Had to stop.” That’s enough. “Oh my god, you’re so full of shit! Will you lot shut the fuck up already!” The words you’d been thinking pointedly towards Jungkook’s forehead burst forth, and if it weren’t for the heavy bass ringing through the house from the next room you could probably have heard crickets from how silent the circle fell. “You don’t believe him?” Jimin leans forward, a soft pink swell to his cheeks from the alcohol as pure entertainment swims in his eyes. “No. I don’t. And I’m sick of sitting here every week listening to the complete bullshit this kid is coughing up. I can’t believe you lot do believe him.” Like a broken faucet, once you start the words just continue to flow out. “He’s lying! He couldn’t possibly have a dick that big. He only brings it up because of the way you all start to jump up and down and beat your chests like a pack of wild gorillas. It’s, quite frankly, sad to watch. Grow up.” Irene is silent on one side of you while Yoongi is soundlessly vibrating with laughter on your other side. You’re panting for air just a little after your rant, and you turn your gaze to Jungkook to find him even more amused than Jimin. “That sounds like a challenge.” Jimin grins wider, patting Jungkook on the shoulder before pushing him as if motioning to stand, but Jungkook stays sitting, vision locked with yours. “Yes it does.” You lift an eyebrow, chin tilting expectantly. He’s full of shit, absolute nonsense, and you don’t believe him for one second. “Go on then, show me I’m wrong.” You gesture towards his lower half and Jungkook laughs indulgently, chuckles being echoing by his harem of ‘bros’ and you clench your jaw. “Out in the open like this, babe? Now I’ve heard some girls are into that but I’ve yet to meet one.” You can feel your eye twitching slightly at his gall, but you swallow down the annoyance as you continue to wait patiently. “If it stings less to only be caught by one person in your lie, we can head up to your room and you can show just me instead, Kook.” The group sat around him ‘oooh’s’ but you suspect it’s not entirely in your favour. Regardless, you stick to your claim and shuffle yourself towards the edge of the couch cushion below you, propping your chin expectantly into your palm and you rest your elbow against your knee. “What are you getting yourself into?” Irene whispers from beside you, but you ignore her, keeping your eyes on the kid in front of you as he continues to sit in silence until you’re convinced. “Thought so-” “Let’s go.” Jungkook downs the rest of his drink as he stands, throwing the empty cup down before tucking his thumbs into the pockets of his incredibly tight leather jeans – you know the pair far too well by this point. Your brows lift in slight surprise momentarily as the boys roar a cheer around the two of you, but the defiant heat in his eyes has your competitive side humming with the need to be right and you’re standing before you can think twice, tugging your skirt down from where it’s ridden up and flipping your hair back behind you. Jungkook doesn’t move to touch you, doesn’t speak, and offers you no more than a tilt of his head before he’s off, winding slowly between dancing bodies and drunken groups of friends towards the staircase. You ignore his hollaring friends and the way Irene gapes at you, the loss of filter that had enabled you to speak up inevitably still driving you, and you quickly slip through the crowd to follow him up the stairs and into the semi quieter hallway. As he trails down the hall, you stare at the back of his head and think back to the first time you met Jungkook. Something like three or four years ago, barely about to be a high school graduate and a least a foot shorter than he is now. Definitely not as broad or as built as he’s become, and it’s almost hard to put the two together as one person. You’re focusing so hard that you almost don’t realise he’s come to a stop in front of you, and you have to catch yourself on the wall to your right before you fall as you stumble to avoid slamming into him, and you don’t miss the way his cheeks lift in amusement even as he hides his smile. “Last chance, babe. You can turn back now and forget about this, or you keep going and leave my room a changed woman.” You cross your arms, raising your eyebrows in mild shock. “Yeah, are you done?” He shrugs, stubborn smirk still on his face, and you roll your eyes. “Are we going in or what? I’m not here to be glamoured into sleeping with you, I’m literally just here to catch your ass out. Got it?” “Okay, whatever you say.” Jungkook raises his hands in mock defeat, grinning from ear to ear as he finally turns the knob and opens the door. He leads you inside into darkness, closing the door behind the two of you and completely abolishing the last light source and leaving you blind. A hand against your lower back makes you jump and you almost slap the appendage away before you realise he’s guiding you to the bed. You sit, albeit somewhat reluctantly, and moments later a click sound fills the room with a soft golden glow. Jungkook is surprisingly close, only about a foot away, and with the dimness of the room he looks even broader. “Ready?” He regards you with wide grin and you smirk back, crossing your legs as you lean back onto your hands. “You’re really sticking to this aren’t you?” You have to admit, his commitment to the facade is admirable. “Nothing to stick to other than the cold hard truth. You’re really sticking to the idea that I’m lying? Or was this some sort of grand plan to get into my pants? Because I can assure you, all you had to do was ask.” His eyes rake over you, up your legs and pausing over the short hem of your skirt before trailing up towards the dip in your top. One hand comes to rest over his front and his fingers squeeze confidently, massaging himself in front of you. And liar or not, you couldn’t help but feel yourself start to heat up at his actions. “No grand plan, just purely sick of hearing your bullshit when I’m trying to get drunk and relax.” He laughs at this, and you feel your lips quirk slightly, but you hold your composure. “Maybe I can help you relax then?” He raises an eyebrow in question, taking a step closer and tilting his head as he gazes deep into your eyes. His knees are touching yours now, and you know if you look down there’s a decent chance of seeing his stirring erection. “Maybe you can stop procrastinating so I can be on my merry way back downstairs to disappoint all your friends.” You feel a twinge of annoyance when his expression only turns more amused. “Do those girls know you talk about them like that?” “Does it matter?” His hand drops from his crotch to swing gently at his side, and you force your eyes to hold steady locked with his and not move elsewhere. “Those girls talk about me just as savagely, pick me apart. It’s all part of the game, babe, no need to be so concerned.” You’re about to say more when he suddenly shuffles forward, denim grazing the outsides of your thighs and knees pressing into the bed until he’s straddling you, forcing you to uncross your legs. “You came up here for a reason. Should we cut to the chase?” Your mouth is suddenly dry with his proximity, not expecting him to get so close, but Jungkook seems to take no notice as leans even closer and reaches for your hand. “What are you doing?” Your voice shakes slightly, and you clear your throat quickly as you watch him bring your palm closer to the bump at the front of his jeans. “Don’t you want to feel how big it is?” Jungkook’s eyes sparkle in the lamps soft light and he tilts his head just so to watch your expression carefully. You somehow feel quite exposed under his gaze, but your reluctance seems to die on the tip of your tongue as the heat of his body over yours starts to seep into your bones. Jungkook, whilst he is incredibly douchey, somewhat arrogant and entirely too self assured, is still a very handsome young man. And you’re going to continue to blame your raging hormones for the reaction your body is experiencing at the idea of touching him. “I thought you were just going to show me.” His teeth catch his lower lip and he halts the pulling of your hand. “I’m not trying to force you if you’re uncomfortable.” You can’t help but chuckle, discomfort being the furthest thing from your mind. “Don’t tell me you’re still putting it off? You’ve come so far.” His sweet gaze turns deadly, eyes narrowing in to yours, and he releases your hand for a moment to flick open the button of his jeans, dragging the zipper down and hooking his thumbs under the waistband to push the tight fabric down to his thighs. Trim, black briefs come into view and this time you let your eyes drop to follow his movements, abandoned hand still sitting loose in your lap just inches from the sizable bump. “Doesn’t seem like anything special to me.” He’s decent, that much you can easily tell just by the sheer bulk of his front, but the size isn’t quite what you’d call impossible and you relax as you take this into account. “I’m not even hard, you’re not exactly making this easy for me.” Jungkook does it again, reaches down to glide his hand over himself before cupping his balls gently, rolling them in his fingers. “It’d go faster if you helped.” You stare up at him for a moment, contemplating while you chew on the inside of your cheek. Basic stubborn insistence had quickly turned into a sudden want and your mind was so hazy it was hard to comprehend what was a rational though versus what was very, very irrational. But you couldn’t care less even if you tried. Placing your hand in his, you sit up straighter and firmly brace yourself on the one hand propped behind you. Jungkook gives you a once over, tightening his grip on your fingers, before pulling your hand gradually closer until your digits meet the soft skin just above his waistband. Fingers firmly locked around the entirety of your wrist, he mimicked his earlier actions on himself, grazing down the thin cotton of his briefs before curling your palm and moulding his cock against your hand. You can feel the way your eyes visibly widen but you manage to catch your lower lip before it can drop open, and your teeth dig almost painfully into the sensitive skin as he pushed himself further into your palm. The tips of your shaky digits are grazing the swell of his head, and your core throbs when you note he’s already a handful and he really isn’t hard – not that it takes him long. Jungkook grinds against your fingers until you gradually take initiative, spreading them even further to cup around the edge of his balls, and his head rolls back as you give him a firm stroke. His dark gaze returns to you, further shadowed with the way his just parted hair falls down and into his gaze, and you automatically press yourself closer to his warmth, thighs coming together beneath him. You’re so in awe, the way his cock continues to grow under each stroke of your fingers making your mouth water, and just when you think he’s done growing under your touch, you feel him harden and thicken a little more. You briefly think back to past moments you’d bothered to glance between his hips, and you’re astounded at the way he’s managed to hide such a large amount of length and girth in such tight pants. And then thinking back to not ten minutes ago, you grow sheepish, almost embarrassed, over your outburst. He must be able to see the realisation in your eyes, as Jungkook’s grin quickly returns, and he bucks his hips even harder against you with a dangerous roll that has even your own hips flexing against the bed below. His hand lifts to glide over your collarbone until he can push your tee collar to the side and follow the curve of your shoulder. He regards you carefully as he leans closer, the heavy scent of his cologne mixed with a hint of raspberry from the vodka on his tongue and even the musky sweetness of the weed he must’ve sampled at some stage throughout the night, all comes together to make your head spin. Your lips part in a gasp when his own finally graze against the dip in your neck, and your fingers twitch to grasp firmly around his shaft as your head tips back, lashes fluttering. Your fingers don’t even touch wrapped around his girth, and your mouth salivates more at the feeling of just how thick and heavy he is in your palm. You’re still in disbelief at the sheer size of him. “Now do you believe me? Or do you wanna see it properly?” The heat of Jungkook’s breath washes over your skin and leaves goose bumps in his wake, a shiver vibrating up your spine. When his lips press open against the softest spot beneath your ear to allow his tongue a leisurely swipe across your skin, your digits curl into his waistband and the sticky slick of his precum slides across your fingertips as they meet his tip. Jungkook hisses in a gasp and the thick thighs planted either side of your waist tense and hold you momentarily hostage, the rippling muscle beneath the leather rolling against your ribs and making you twitch. You pull your dewy fingers from his cock and start to pull the plain briefs down, eager for a first look at his impressive length, and you surely aren’t disappointed. His shirt slightly raised to just above belly button gives you a glance at honeyed skin stretched firm over generous muscle, and the tops of his thighs are just as delectable, thick and meaty with just enough give when your fingers squeeze in. But all of that aside, you’re immediately drawn to the throbbing, dripping tip of his cock as it’s released from his briefs and slapping against his stomach. The lamp light catches on the streak of moisture the weeping of his length leaves shining on his skin, and you swallow reflexively with the want to clean it up with your tongue. What was it about a cock this big that made you lose all inhibitions and let go of your pride? How did he make you lose control so easily? And why does it feel so good? “So, does it live up to your expectations?” Jungkook’s lips quirk on one side and you jump a little when his teeth nip at your sensitive skin. “I-I-” you’re not quite sure what you’re trying to say, and the huff of breath that escapes him is a throaty chuckle, muffled by your neck. “I think you might owe me an apology. You wanna try and show me how sorry you are?” You’re nodding before you can stop yourself, tongue peeking between your lips to moisten them. Jungkook’s hands fly up to press against your shoulders and before you know it, you’re lain back and he’s shuffling further up over you. Taking a firm hold of your wrists, he pulls them down to your sides as he kneels around them and you automatically lift them to press palms against the dips in the backs of his thighs. His belt buckle clinks as he pulls it from the loops of his jeans and it hits the floor with a thud, Jungkook’s shirt quickly following it, and you soon wish your arms weren’t pinned so you could graze his strawberry pink nipples with your fingernails. The leather of his jeans is pulled so far that you’re thinking it might burst, but he lifts one leg to tug the pants from his body, quickly stripping the other as well, and you’re panting below him, eyes greedily absorbing all the freshly exposed skin. The dim glow coats his skin like honey and a light sheen of sweat from the humidity rising in the room shines in the valley of his chest and right along the curve of his brow. To be quite frank he looks fucking delicious and when his fingers twist behind your neck and into the back of your hair, your nails automatically dig into his skin to form crescent moons. “Open wide for me.” Jungkook creeps a hand down to flick over your lower lip, and you’re tempted to chase the digit with your tongue as you comply, lips parting and mouth opening for him. “Little bit more baby, otherwise I won’t fit.” Your jaw, almost pushed to its limits, gives a sharp ache of complaint when you stretch as far as comfortably possible, and your tongue pools with what can only be described as drool when he wraps his long fingers around himself and thrusts into his fist slowly. A bead of precum builds quickly at his tip before gliding smoothly to the underside of his cock and hanging directly above your mouth. You fix your stare on the tiny dew drop, fingers tightening against his skin and he bites down on his lower lip with a smile at the hunger in your gaze. He knew you wanted it. The head of his cock is like velvet, gliding smoothly across your lower lip, and your tongue lifts immediately to greet him as he presses against your mouth. Jungkook moans gently, fingers tugging slightly as he tilts his hips and presses forward harder, and you stretch your lips until the head of his cock glides in and sits heavy on your tongue. You pull him closer by the hands you slide from his thighs to his ass and you groan as he stretches your mouth wide open. “That’s it, just like that.” Jungkook pants above you, moving his hips slowly as he thrusts into your mouth. Your teeth just miss his length as he pulls back further and pushes in harder, and pleased surprise lights up his eyes as he watches more and more of his cock disappear into your mouth. The first nudge of his head finding your throat has you flinching, fingers squeezing his flesh and lashes fluttering as you try your best not to choke. “I’m impressed, you can take more than most.” The glare you send him would be far more threatening if it weren’t for the tears that bud in your eyes, nose sniffling as you try to keep your breathing even when he fastens his pace. Your hands fly from his ass to his hips and you urge him on, pushing yourself past the comfort barrier and down onto his cock as hard as you can. Jungkook cries out in surprise, head falling back as his hips stutter and both hands are soon buried deep into your hair. He pulls from you quite suddenly, still perched above you, and the glossy slick of your saliva and his precum makes him look even more imposing, cock flushed red and rock hard. You gasp for breath, licking the last of his flavour from your lips as you stare silently up at him, and he only pauses for a moment before his composure breaks. Hands hook under your arms and pluck you easily from the bed, throwing you back to land with your head against the pillows, and you can’t help your squeals of surprise when he immediately tugs you down towards him in the opposite direction, sliding into his stomach and pushing your skirt up your hips as he pulls your knees over his shoulders. He doesn’t bat an eye at your cotton panties, simply hooking his finger beneath and pulling them to the side to expose your dripping core. Jungkook has his mouth on you in seconds, greedy moans leaving his lips as he runs his tongue straight up over your folds and comes to a stop on your clit. Rolling his tongue, he sucks the sensitive nub between his lips and catches the skin between his teeth, and your legs immediately attempt to clamp shut around his neck as you cry out, but they don’t get the chance. He pushes your knees up off his shoulders and close to your chest, keeping his lips tightly in place as he rolls your clit against the backs of his teeth. The sharp bite has you arching up into his efforts, grinding your core harder against his tongue until the tip slips deep inside and you completely freeze up, gasping at the sudden intrusion. Fingers twisting painfully into the sheets beside your head, you start to shake with the intense pleasure, and the way you twitch and whimper under his tongue drives him to double his efforts. “God, Jungkook!” Every gasp for air is immediately stolen from your lungs as he pulls moan after moan from your lips. The way he eats you is messy, but the slick that pools in the cleft of your ass and shines on your inner thighs only turns you on more, and the way his lips look so perfectly kissable whilst covered with your wetness makes you positively weak. “Fuck!” He grunts against the innermost part of your thigh when his fingertip glides over your leaking hole, feeling the way it tightens under the barest of touches echoed in his cock as he shamelessly rolls his hips against the bed. You already seem so tight, so small and ready to be ruined and he hasn’t even put anything in yet. “Please!” The absence of his tongue on your clit makes you ache with the need to release and you quickly find yourself begging, one hand falling down to slip between the strands littering his forehead while the other glides across your chest to wrap around one tight rosebud. “Please fuck me with your fingers!” “That’s right, beg for my fingers baby. Tell me how much you want it.” You whine even louder, uncaring of the risk of getting caught by any party goers as you lift your hips to roll against his mouth. “I want it so bad! W-want you to stretch me out for that massive fucking cock!” Jungkook chuckles gently against your hip where he’s pulling the skin between his lips to lift cherry bruises to the surface, and you burn with a blush when he peeks curiously up at you. “Didn’t know you had such a dirty mouth, baby.” You pout when he doesn’t follow the urging of your hand in his hair to rewrap his tongue around your core.

  “Didn’t take you for such a tease. Thought you wanted me to come up so you could show me that it’s so big it can’t fit inside my pussy.” He nips at your skin a little harder until you yelp but any complaints die on your tongue when he lets a finger graze your entrance, coating it in your slick before slowly easing just the first half inside you. “With a pussy this tight it’s definitely not gonna fit, baby.” His words are muffled as he kisses and licks his way up your body, thumb replacing his tongue and resting just above your clit as he pumps the soaked digit deeper into your walls and once he’s close enough you grab at him, nails finding comfort in the short hairs on his nape as he buries his face into your neck. “Stretch me out then. Get me ready for your cock.” You breathe against his skin, and he shudders with a groan as he finally connects your lips. One finger is easily turned into two and you only give a light gasp in response to the slight stretch. Jungkook curls his fingers now, pressing deep and searching until you buck your hips with a loud cry and press yourself even closer to his chest. Your core starts to tighten, pleasure building and your hips jerk rapidly under his ministrations. The incessant throbbing deep within grows larger and hungrier the harder he grazes against your sweetest spot and soon enough he’s pulling wrecked whimpers from your lips as you buck and grind wildly against his hand. The gush of wetness that signals your orgasm is bordering on excessive, and you can’t help but muffle a scream into the blankets beside your head, recovering from the aftershocks as Jungkook continues to slowly pump his two fingers in and out of your entrance, a third finger grazing just the side of your folds but feeling imposing enough to make your skin burn with nervous excitement. “You want me to stretch you out a little more?” His cock is still there, burning hot and hard as a rock against your hip, and when he pulls the two digits from between your folds to momentarily gaze at the slick coating his hand, a certain heat shining in his eyes, you feel the same heat burning inside your core. “Yes, please!” Fingers glide over your pussy lips before sliding back inside you, and Jungkook is still smirking as he gently presses the third finger to your hole, already coated from your orgasm. It slides in deep along with the others, a delicious burn stretching your entrance but it’s only momentary, the hunger deep within automatically accepting his fingers with the want for even more, and you know you won’t be content until you’ve had his cock – or at least tried to. “Such a good girl.” His praise has you keening, face turning to connect your lips with his until he starts to thrust, pinpointing the tips of his fingers to batter your sensitive walls skilfully, and you quickly bury your face in his neck as you cry out. You’re still so sensitive from your earlier orgasm, and you’re thankful he’s choosing to avoid your clit for the time being. “Please fuck me.” You’re wailing, holding him tightly to you even as you feel yourself start to sweat, skin sticking to skin, and the blood pumping in your veins is like lava. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind, the hand not on your pussy wrapped under your shoulder and cupping the back of your neck as he pulls you just as close. “I’m not gonna fit in your tight little pussy baby, not yet.” Somehow his lips are cool as they press to your flushed skin, pouting softly against your cheek and his teeth nip at your skin as he glides down to your jaw. “I may very well rip you in half if I try.” “I don’t care! I want it! Tear my pussy apart, use me please!” You’re getting close again, all semblance of control over your mouth flying out the window as you curl into him, thighs shaking with the effort of not closing them tight around his wrist. Jungkook doesn’t say anything to that, but presses his tongue onto your skin with a deep growl, and he hovers over you quickly, fingers insistent as he pounds into you and the heel of his palm smacks against your clit with each motion. Forced to release your grip on his hair, you grope desperately for something to dig your nails into and soon locate the pillow above you, fabric groaning with protest as you squeeze it between your fingers. “Cum for me.” The thumb of his free hand is lifted to his lips to greet his tongue before he plants the moistened digit against your clit, rolling the sensitive nub nice and hard as he finger fucks you even faster than before, and you’re seeing stars. “Fuck!” Your orgasm is blinding, and you feel your eyes roll back under your lids as you pull the pillow down and sink your teeth into the cotton. Jungkook yanks the corner down so as to see your face and when you finally open your eyes there are tears pouring from the corners. Your jaw aches from how hard you’re clenching your teeth on the pillow and your fingers complain with tiny pangs of pain when you finally straighten them. You hold the cushion there until you can no longer breathe properly and you finally throw it back to the side only to discover the entirety of your lower half is showered in generous drops of liquid, and your face heats when you note the wetness of the comforter beneath you. “So fucking hot.” Jungkook mumbles, drawing your attention back to him, and his very drenched fingers run through the tiny puddles littering your skin. The idea is dirty, the sticky, wet feeling even more so, but it does nothing to assuage the post coital high that’s sunk into your bones. You shiver under his roaming fingertips, and he grins again as your legs vibrate, hooking his hands under your knees and pulling them over his hips. “Are you gonna fuck me now?” You’re still breathing hard, and you cover his hands with yours when they glide over your hips. “You still want more?” He chuckles, thumbs massaging across the soft dip beneath your navel and you squirm in response, the heat of his cock pressed against the back of your thigh reminding you just how long he is. “I want it all.” You roll your hips up and over his cock, and his grip tightens before falling lax and he meets you with a thrust of his own. “Do you think you can take it?” He’s still self indulgently thrusting his cock against your pussy, the underside of his shaft coated in your wetness. “Why don’t you put it in and see for yourself?” You’re talking big, but you still feel a modicum of nerves at the sheer width of his cock, and already feeling the ache from his fingers having stretched you open, you can only imagine what him even just trying to get inside you is going to feel like. “Careful what you’re asking for.” His hands run from your hips up to the bunching fabric where your skirt sits bundled around your stomach. Pulling it down, he snags your panties in the process and strips you of both smoothly before gliding his fingers up to the hem of your shirt and you arch your back to help him as he lifts it up and over your head. Your bra doesn’t stand a chance and soon you’re completely naked in front of him, such stark contrast to less than a minute ago. “You’re very confident in yourself for someone who apparently never actually gets it inside. Is that why you’re so good at the the foreplay?” Jungkook’s hands freeze on your waist, and you hold your breath for a moment as he stares down at you. The heat reigniting in his eyes makes your insides clench and you know he can feel the way your heart batters inside you chest with his hands on your ribs. “Fuck I hope I get it in, gonna make you shut your smart mouth baby.” Hands flip you and you land on your stomach with a squeak of surprise, and Jungkook is none to gentle about the way he lifts your hips into position. The swipe of his tongue across your core catches you even more by surprise and you moan when he soaks you further with his saliva, fingers spreading the mixture of his mouth and your pussy until you feel it gliding in rivulets down your thighs. Catching the drops, he spits noisily into his palm and the slick noise of his hand pumping his length fills the air. You clench in anticipation and he must see the way your hole flutters because he groans, palm catching the swell of your ass with a wet smack before the first brush of his tip meets your core. You gasp as he presses closer, and even just the tip of him is so thick that you start to doubt whether he’s going to fit. He runs the head of his cock up to swirl in your wetness, and you feel your hole release another little gush of moisture as he brushes past your clit. The hand not guiding his cock cups your left ass cheek and pulls it aside to get a clear view of your entrance and he squeezes your flesh with a hiss. “So tight and wet. Can’t wait to fucking wreck you.” You feel the burn before you notice the increase in pressure, and you bury your face in the comforter as he pushes against your entrance. You can feel the way his stickiness mixes with your wet slick and the velvet feel of him brushing against you makes you tighten even further. “Deep breath baby, relax for me.” You do as he says, breathing deeply and focusing on nothing else for a minute, and the slight pop of his tip pushing into your core catches you off guard, and you immediately clench around him, and he swears loudly into your back. “Fuck, holy fuck you’re so tight.” An odd sense of pride is swimming in your blood at just how shaky his voice is, and once again you’re reminded of the things you’d heard him say about the other girls. When was the last time he felt a pussy wrapped around his cock? “Oh my god.” You whimper as he presses forward with an involuntary push of his hips and his fingers glide down your spine as he shushes you gently, ignoring the way even he is out of breath and shaking. The burn continues as he presses forward even more, and you can’t help but lift a hand to hold his hip back from going any further as you gasp for breath. The swell of his shaft just below his tip is the thickest part and you’re being pushed way past your limit. You can feel the heat of his breath on your back and he rests his forehead against your shoulder blade, a gentle kiss following. As the pain starts to dull you carefully draw back before sinking down again, and you can feel the way Jungkook’s hands are shaking from holding himself back. Pleasure blooms along with the burn the next time you sink back, the tip of his cock brushing a particularly sensitive spot inside you, and you cry out, nails digging deep into his skin. “How are you so fucking big, oh my god Jungkook.” He laughs a little, kissing your skin again before finally sitting up to watch the way you stretch around his shaft, a thick rivulet of slick dripping down from where the two of you are joined, and he moans breathlessly. “You feel so good, baby.” You moan right back as you swivel your hips, slowly sinking further down his length and each inch you work inside yourself has his fingers tightening and breathing coming faster. But even now you’ve still got at least two inches to go and you’re not sure if you’ll make it all the way, surprised you’d even gotten him inside to begin with. “I can’t believe that fucking thing is going inside me right now.” Jungkook’s hips surge forward and he sinks another inch before hitting your cervix and you arch your back at the sharp spike of pleasure and pain that takes over your body. “J-Jung-ah!” One thrust turns into two and soon enough Jungkook is smoothly gliding in and out of your core, and you can do nothing other than lay with your face buried into the comforter while you bundle the fabric in tightly closed fists. He draws back until just the swell of his head is stretching your hole before sinking back in with a fatal roll of his hips. “So tight, so fucking good baby.” You can hear the strain in his voice, and he gives a slightly higher pitched moan in response to the way you tighten around him. “Your pussy looks so good stuffed full with my cock, does it feel good? Huh?” “Y-Yes!” You sob, the bite of pain as he slams into you as deep as he can only sweetens the pleasure of his tip finding your gspot and tears spring in your eyes as you feel your legs start to shake with every pound. “F-feels so g-good!” “Not talking so much shit now, huh?” His blunt nails bite into the cushiony flesh of your ass before his hand rears back and another smack lights up your skin nice and pink, and you know he can feel that way your walls flutter with every hit. “In fact I think you’re so drunk for my cock you won’t even be able to think up one of your silly insults.” “Ha-ah!” Your cheeks blush pinker than your ass and you try hard to formulate a response but he’s so right. The only thing you can focus on is the delectable way the mix of his precum and your wetness is gradually tickling its way down your inner thighs and the wet smack his balls make on your clit with each stroke. You’ve never been pushed this far, never been filled so good, and you’re starting to feel lightheaded with the sheer amount of conflicting feelings battering your body. “Pussy is so greedy it’s sucking me back in every time I pull out. Are you this hungry for every cock you take?” Jungkook decorates his words with extra deep thrusts and your legs start to give out beneath you, shaking and sliding on the comforter, but he holds you steady regardless. When you don’t answer he creeps a hand between your thighs and lands a decent smack over your clit and you buckle and fall instantly. “Answer me!” “Ah! N-No, only yours! Only your cock!” He lets you flatten over the mattress, following you down easily and planting his hands beside your shoulders. You can feel moisture dripping onto your back, sweat from somewhere on his body, and your tongue starts to crave the salt that’s collecting on his skin. His thighs hold your legs open as he fucks you even harder into the comforter and now you’re well and truly devouring the fabric in an attempt not to scream out loud. “Only my cock?” You mewl a yes and, feeling his breath on the back of your neck, turn your head in an attempt to kiss him, but the way he has you pressed down under the weight of his thrusts makes it impossible. Seeing your struggle, he grinds deep into you for a moment before pulling away, and when his cock slips from your hole a surge of wetness follows him. Gripping your hips again he pulls your tired frame from the bed and up onto your knees again, assisting you to turn over onto your back, and when you’re finally relaxed with your knees hooked up around his waist he covers you with his body and kisses you hard and deep. His tongue glides along yours, sharing the faint taste of your flavour that still lingers in his mouth, and you’re sure he can taste himself as well. Your arms are numb but you lift them anyway, hooking around his neck and holding him to you as he presses fully against you and you love the way his skin slides against yours, sticky and smooth all at once. You can taste the sweat on his upper lip and you follow the flavour down his cheek and under his jaw, lips and tongue sucking hard when he jerks at a particularly sensitive spot, and you can feel the way his neck vibrates when he moans deep. When you release his neck, kissing the bruise you leave behind, you lock eyes with him and your lips part to moan as he slips a couple fingers over your core to test your wetness. “Still so drenched. All for me?” “All for you.” You whisper the words, dry throat protesting while you swallow numbly and Jungkook presses pouted lips to your just for a second and he lines himself back up to your entrance and surges forward again. The second breach of your walls is naturally far easier than before, but the change in position means the way his cock is curved lets his tip hammer straight into your gspot, and you’re instantly arched up and moaning as he thrusts again and again. “F-Fuck yes, right there baby!” You don’t notice that you’re pulling on his hair but he loves it anyway, forearms pressed on either side of your head as he tangles his fingers into your hair and slides his tongue across your parted lower lip. “Right here?” His extra hard roll of his hips against your spot has your nails digging into his shoulders as you gasp for air, and you nod weakly, broken moans escaping as your brows furrow and he knows you’re about to cum again. All for him. “Cum for me baby – will you squirt for me again? I love it when we’re covered in your cum, dirty girl.” You sob, teeth clamping down on your lower lip as tears pour from your eyes, and you can feel your walls tighten with release, and a strong pressure deep inside. “There it is baby.” The first wave of your orgasm hits and your eyes roll back, thighs squeezing him tight, but when you think he’s going to continue to fuck you through it, he pulls out instead and uses the thick head of his cock to rub messily at your clit, and then you feel it. Little drops of release shower over the two of you, and each wave of your orgasm becomes more and more intense as you continue to cum, drenching the both of you and the bed without pause. He only stops when you reach down and grab the hand holding his cock, and you pant for air as your thighs lift and press together, shaking violently. He’s biting his lip, smile tilting the corners of his mouth, and he helps you hold your legs together while you catch your breath, fingers stroking your skin softly. “You good?” You nod, swallowing thickly as the blood rushing between your ears calms and the feeling returns to your fingers and toes, letting your thighs fall open once more. Jungkook immediately leans down to capture your lips, shaft pressing against your folds and soothing the ache in your walls with the pure heat radiating off of his cock. He’s still leaking profusely, precum puddling just below your navel where his head nudges your skin, and you take pity on him, having held himself back to ensure your pleasure. Breaking away from his lips, you let one hand drop to stroke over his cock, and he releases a shuddered breath into your mouth, humming a moan against your cheek when you lift your hips to stroke his tip against your entrance one more time. “Cum in me?” The jerk of his hips as his eyes shoot open in surprise pushes his tip just past your folds and into your heat, and when he pulls back to look at you he’s forced to hold back a moan at the pure unadulterated pleasure on your face. “Oh, fuck yes!” You brace yourself, hands pressed against his chest, as he presses harder and further into your pussy. The stretch is a little tighter, evidence of your recent orgasm, but the lingering wet mess leaves no room for resistance and he slides right in. “I won’t last long.” Voice tight, Jungkook starts to thrust, and the smooth velvet of your walls gliding around his sensitive tip has fire burning in his blood. No longer needing to hold back his orgasm, he relaxes into you, lips caressing your neck and chest pressed against yours, feeling the pebbles of your nipples graze across his skin with every thrust. If he’s honest with himself, he’s wanted you for a long time, and you look even better laid out beneath him like this than he ever could have imagined, your hair fanned out so prettily on his bed and your lips cherry red from the kisses you’ve shared. You pull him even closer as his breath starts to come quicker, hips moving a little clumsy and his fingers tightening in the blanket beside your head, and he swells even more inside you, throbbing as he gets closer and closer to release. With one last burst of energy, Jungkook rears back onto his knees, hands planting on your waist, and speeds up until the only sound either of you can hear is the loud smacking of his hips meeting your ass. Your lashes flutter, core tightening slightly at the discomfort of overstimulation, but it’s all worth it to watch the way his eyes roll back and his lips pout in concentration. He cums surprisingly noisily; sharp, high moans hitched with gasps of pleasure, and you moan in reply as he fucks the first pump of his seed deep inside your core. “Fuck, baby.” He pats your ass as he leans forward to catch your lips, twitching with the last drops of his cum leaking slowly out of your core, before slumping forward to cover your body with his own. You stay there for a moment, enjoying the heat of his body even as the discomfort starts to sink in and the moisture on your skin quickly turns sticky and gross. Jungkook continues to lay over you, relaxing even further to make you grunt under his weight, and you groan when you feel him chuckle, amused by the way you wriggle under him. “Told you it was big.” You snort, punching his side and he dissolves even further into laughter. “Get the fuck off me or I’ll tell everyone the opposite you fuckin’ weeb.” He chuckles, rolling off to the side and finally letting you breathe. You sigh in relief, turning towards him and pulling a pillow down to rest your head upon. “You don’t want people thinking your boyfriend has a little dick, right?” You can’t help but stare at him in shock, eyes wide as you freeze and roll his words over in your mind. “What?” Heat least has the audacity to look sheepish, averting his gaze from you to scratch at the back of his neck. “Y’know… We’ve known each other for ages, and I think you’re great.” You start to relax back onto the bed, a small smile spreading across your face. He’s really quite cute when he gets flustered. “I mean only if you want to, I just thought maybe we could hang out or-” “Jungkook are you… trying to ask me out?” He looks back at you, calming slightly when he notices the smile on your face, and you grin harder when he nods slowly. “You’re such a dork.” Rolling closer, you hook an arm around his neck and pull him closer to plant your lips hard on his, and he makes a noise of surprise before returning your embrace and holding you close with an arm around your waist. “You better stop your shit talking at parties or I’m dropping your nerd ass so quick.” He laughs against your lips, nodding, and you lay your head against his chest, relaxing as his fingers glide up and down your spine, the noise of the party fading into the background.

[dracolovesharryfightme]

a random @$$ story i wrote at 4am under the influence of sleeping drugs lmao

so, you know how they say the chances of getting killed by a baby are low but never zero? Well I got killed by a toddler, so here I am, telling that story, let's rewind to the before. before i got killed tragically and before i met said toddler.

it was just another day in my boring college student life, ramen for lunch and dinner, leftovers for breakfast, part time jobs here and there just so i don't end up dead by the side of the street, i mean i still ended up dying anyway but that's not the point, back to the story of my super tragic accident, i took jobs wherever i could, making as much money as i could when i got a job offer at a very rich’s family home, and when i say rich, i mean filthy rich, like, rich.  bold and underlined, anyhow, i met the family and happily accepted the job, simple enough, baby sit after my classes until one of the parents comes home, cool? absolutely. 

so after i took the amazing job and met the little angel-- sorry, i meant the demonic son of the deepest pits of the darkest hell. At first it wasn't hard to deal with said demon toddler, but the more I spend time with him, the more demonic he gets, for instance, who on god's earth gives a 4 years old a bottle of fizzy vimto for dinner, yes, no one! except well, shitty parents, anyhow, i get my favorite shirt stained because toddler demon decided it's a good idea to spray me with a very shaken fizzy vimto can. 

I guess I'm straying away from the topic, my death story! well it's simple really, one day i was sitting happily watching blues clues with the lovely child of hell until it was decided that said demon was hungry, so time to attempt to cook, i boiled some pasta, little demon offered to help and i thought what the hell why not, what's the worst thing that could happen. and oh boy was i dumb.

demon toddler decided that it was a good idea to start throwing bottles when i went to the bathroom, so imagine the mess made during the 3 seconds i took to use the bathroom, and to be fair, i shouldn't leave a child unattended in a kitchen but for my defense, i took him to the living room and he climbed on the counter behind my back, anyways, i went to the kitchen only to be hit square in the face with a pesto sauce jar, full glass and huge, mind you, so obviously i was knocked back, one thing lead to another and i had a cracked skull from falling on the edge of a hard marble counter before falling to my death on the floor, bleeding from the back of my head that hit the marble, bleeding from my nose, broken due to the demon toddler’s epic pesto throw. my face covered in sauce and blood, i layed dead on the floor.

the moral of the story my friends, babysitting isn't worth it , it kills, literally. speaking from experience here. i got killed by a toddler’s pesto throw, what a shame huh? Anyhow, I hope everyone is alive and well, and safe from demonic toddlers and ignorant parents.

that was your lovely neighborhood ghost, wish you, alivies, all the best.

xx

[thoughtsoutonpaper]

end of a decade 2010′s

Haven’t been truly happy in some time now. With just a sprinkle of loneliness to top that off.

All these emotions have engulfed me in a never ending emotional rollercoaster ride that I can’t seem to brace for. The waves of saddens have me on the brink of tears at any given moment.  Can’t bare with the the low energy mood pendulum I have turned into at this stage in my life. Retreating to my messy cave of a room every evening after fulfilling the bare minimum of social interactions just so that I won’t become homeless has become the norm. Functioning depression at its finest. There has been so many things bothering me these past few months or so. Nothing more bothersome than my unending loneliness. Such a simple term yet in its true definition it doesn’t relate to me since tonight is the only time I am physically alone. Back to the old days of listening to music and pouring out my thought to my new warm bed companion. Not sure if this helps since articulating myself to another human being has become such a challenge. Figuring out why these feeling have been choking me for all this time would be nice even though Brandy’s Brokenhearted is hitting different tonight.

Virgo. We ended on bad terms. My fault. But you live and you learn and I would say I did a lot of learning with him. May have been the healthiest relationship of my decade. Until I ruined it. I was impatient and finally got noticed in different ways for the first time. We were so young and partly dumb. Can’t even try to deny these facts.  Yet we had the most fun. Though we met in the worst place by far, High school. We didn’t make an actual connection til we both left that retched place. Music taste impeccable, wise and foolish at times, which I see is now as a staple in my suitors these days. Have just an all around good aura even with family, well being family on both sides. Hanging out various places and having gut busting conversations about anything was how we spent most of our time together. Planning our futures constantly trying to get away from the totalitarianism that was our households. We still found love and comfort in each other we went places together and took part in activities. He made me feel fearless and I could take over the world, well Brooklyn if I wanted to… at times. There was a lot of restrictions on me back then, creating a lot of different strains on my mental health during our time together. But he left. The phone calls weren't enough. The doubt set in. The constant storm that is my mind raged and brewed up so many different scenarios and at that time logic and reason meant nothing so I felt completely justified in all my actions and decisions. Which now the I think back was ridiculous. Like I said young and partly dumb. But everything about him being gone was brutal, don’t think he knew the full extent of my boredom and longing. So the young me went and found comfort else where. Didn’t understand why I did it then but now I do my best to never inflict that pain on someone again. I created drama for no reason because that person isn’t even worth writing about with my top loves of the 2010’s. With a sudden reconnection recently I realized that he was a valid part of my adolescence.

Scorpio. The love ballad that he and I had could fill grand theaters. A true love connection from the start. From that first kiss in a cramped back seat at 4am. He was a storm. He’s grown so much since then, think that’s why it was so easy for him to just ease his way back into my life. Even after the way he left it. There is a forever place for him in my heart but I don’t see us being together in the long run. Which scares me because logically he would be the one person I would see myself having a family with. I think about a lot of different scenarios and those don’t give me that feel good gut feeling. Its just… eh. But I love how his mind works. With his passion for my first love music and watching him when he’s creating just fills me with the utmost joy. We are just on a different frequency filled with passion and fun. Always puts a smile on my face and make me feel inspired and loved. Don’t know what it is or how he does it but I will always love that man.

Taurus. The close proximity is making it hard to develop a routine. Continuous interactions have set me back a whole year in this break up of ours. Caring to find out if he’s eaten or wants something before I come home feels like our relationship hasn’t changed a bit from that painful day last January when I quit what I considered a failed companionship. He removed himself from my life but I still wanted to go back to the comfort of what we would usually share. It was hard to delete him from my life because I still cared about his well being even though I wasn’t seeing him regularly. Texts phone calls random meme sharing. All just to keep him close, even from a far. Though it was unhealthy it helped. But he came back,  couldn’t bare him living in unsavory conditions. Now he’s back and like a moth to the flame I let him back in to my head and heart. Though he has a few flaws that get to me and make me want to assault him in unimaginable ways like the fool I was before I sit there in silence trying to ignore the doubts that keep screaming at me. In the months that have past nothing much has changed between us. Still home bodies that would rather play video games and order in while smoking away all our troubles away. There’s love but it may just have changed.

Sagittarius. Before I got to know him all those years ago I was secretly crushing on a tall handsome witty man. Had the pleasure of getting to know him and realized that he was pretty cool. To the point that we got very close. Information later arises about another female that he was entertaining. Everyone who knew him would say that she was a lot more than he led on so I soon found a guy that would later become some that I grew to love. When he found out about this he wasn’t to happy and stopped talking to me. Can’t lie I spent a good portion of my new relationship comparing the two. In all aspects that I had to turn to writing again. My Tumblr got a few posts that explained my frustrations and I slowly moved on from him. Little did I know that I bury feelings better than most killers can of their victims. He popped back into my life this spring just for everything to come flooding back blinding me of the fact that he has a whole public girlfriend. He mentioned that a photo I posted urged him to reconnecting with me. I don’t know why he had the need to come back in my life when he wasn’t in a position to be with me in any capacity. I loved him in a way that I didn’t think I was allowed to and he took advantage of that. To the point that I doubted throwing away his child. He hurt me on a level I don’t even think he comprehends due to the fact that he wanted to continue deceiving me so he can have his instagram girlfriend and me the able and willing side chick. If he loved me in and way he wouldn’t have accepted a half assed good bye from me. But that’s neither here nor there I suppose. It's done. What good will expressing more of my feelings towards him do.  He’s not going to leave her and I don’t want him to do that for me anyway.

*December 21,2019 Yelled it out cried it out (i think). Just numb now. My feelings of love for him is now just contempt. Since I love him too much to truly hate him. He says he left her for me. He did what I said just days before not to bloody-well do. Me. Why me. What could I have for him that she doesn’t. She had him. Not going to lie and say that he isn’t what I have wanted this whole time but there has to be a better way. He could have dumped her and stayed to his self for a time being before coming to me and saying that I am the one he ‘thinks’ he should be with. I am a lot of great things I will never deny that but as much as I love him I deserve more and better. I am pissed off that he was that selfish to think that I would just ignore all the situations I (yes I) had to deal with when having relations with him. While he was still with her. My heart still hurts that the first time in a literal decade I became pregnant with his child. He didn’t mention her he didn’t consider that he was in hot water because I was his little secret. What if I kept it? How would he be with me? Where would our relationship stand? These questions have been buzzing in my head for the better portion of  four months. Oddly specific time frame but that’s how far along I would have been if he or she was still with me. The pain I have been feeling since the that day is indescribable. The removal of a child abruptly like that takes a toll on someone. There are still times I think about the almost 11 or so years ago. Who would I be as a person if I was to keep him and raise him as I should have. But with Him I wanted it to be right I wanted it to have a meaning in the end, not just existing and floating through our lives. I tried not to think of him in that light but with the whole raising of a child because I feel like I would just be getting my hopes up and painting him to be something I don’t think he could be. In the days to come I want to be in a direction that doesn’t have me feeling like I have to hit him up. Feel like I have gained any form of control on my emotional connection with him. I want the road to recovery but on a higher level. Because this pain in my heart is unbearable.

Still an open chapter in the book of my life…

[hear-the-dokidoki]

Seasons - A Jimin Fanfiction

January: In which I meet him

Word count: 1,3k+

Note from the author: This is the first part of what I hope will become a series. Focusses on their relationship, her emotions and existential questions. I hope you’ll enjoy!  

Jan. 3rd

The thing about time is that it slips away without anyone noticing. It flows at its own speed, and no one can control it.  May you be rich or poor, old or young, it treats everyone in the same manner. There are moments, however, where time seems to stop. Nothing moves, and you’re just stuck.

It’s 4am, and I can’t fall asleep. Thinking about the fact that I can’t fall asleep makes me anxious, and it’s even harder to slip into my dreams. I’ve been laying in my twin-sized bed, bored out of my mind, for the last 2 hours. If I was awake because of an upcoming exam, a family conflict or a heartbreak, I would at least have someone to blame. There’s nothing in particular on my mind, though. I’m just lost in my thoughts, and I can’t snap out of it.

I sigh loudly. Why must my brain do this…? It gets rest when I sleep. It should give itself rest when the stars are bright, not keep me up because it’s somewhat preoccupied by the colonization of Mars, the fate of Jon Snow and tomorrow’s weather.

The clock is ticking. It’s quite annoying.

I just want to sleep.

Jan. 7th

I’ve never been in love. I’m not even sure I have the ability to be in love. The problem is that, at my age, people are very much in love with the idea of love. They want it so bad. They think they need it. They think everything will turn pink and sparkly when they find themselves someone who likes them enough to put their face on theirs.

I have my own problems. I need to sort them out. I can’t just bring them into someone else’s life without a proper warning… But you can’t just throw your issues out in the open during a first date. You need to get comfortable, create a strong emotional link, maybe even fall in love. Doesn’t that feel like trapping the other person? They get attached to that façade you show to the world. It’s all pretty and nice. They get emotionally invested in the person they think you are.

That’s when your demons start to show up. At first, they’re only in the background, whispering. Progressively, they get noisier. They end up overwhelming you, and you fall, pulling with you that poor bastard who didn’t feel the water getting hotter until it was boiling.  

Jan. 10th

I’m walking in the park near my house. During the summer, a lot of families come here with their dogs or their bicycles… But during the winter, it’s pretty much empty 24/7.

I sit on one of the three random, giant rocks. No one actually knows their purpose or when they were put there. They’re just something most people take for granted. I’ve always had a thing for them. I used to jump from one rock to another, when my legs were still short enough for it to be a challenge.

I’m admiring the sky. The nice thing about winter is that sunset comes early. I stay there for a long time, not minding the cold.

A sound catches my attention. There’s someone coming in my general direction. I get mentally prepared to pretend I didn’t notice them and leave. The person stops in their tracks before I even move. They sit down, leaning against a tree. They look up, and freeze in that position. I try to follow their gaze. There’s nothing there, except a few snow-covered branches.

Well, there is one thing. The sky.

Jan. 13th

I drink my cold cup of tea. Distracted by a dumb video, I forgot to drink it when it was still warm. I’m listening to music. I attempt to concentrate on the instruments only, ignoring the lyrics. It’s difficult, because I usually sing along, as I know the song by heart. Nonetheless, I feel like concentrating exclusively on the instruments creates a whole new experience.

I have tea. I have music.

Everything is fine.

Jan. 15th

I’m not sure about what to do. I’m in the park; the park I’ve always had to myself in the winter. The person I saw last time is sitting on one of my rocks. I know it’s not technically mine, but it has always somehow felt like it. I give a mental shrug. They won’t always be there. I’ll just come back another day.

Jan. 17th

When I see a perfect patch of snow, I always step into it, leaving behind a set of footprints. I’m sure I could make this a metaphor about the human nature, but it would probably be depressing. Humming to myself, I walk towards the park.

I spot the rock stealer. They’re still here, and they’re still stealing. “Why my park?” I ask myself. “Why my rocks?”

I decide to just ignore the person, and go sit in the middle of the park. The view is nice, from here. They sky is pink, and orange, and purple, and blue. All at the same time. The colours aren’t fighting each other. They aren’t trying to overwhelm one another. They’re just there, and they’re beautiful.

Jan. 22th

I may have failed a math test, this morning. I used to enjoy math, a long time ago. It used to be simple. It used to interest me. How sad, now that I think about, that my life has taken a similar turn.  

There’s no one in the park today. I’m relieved. I’m sitting on one of the rocks, and I find myself wondering where that other person went. Maybe they’re sick? Maybe they finally moved on, and will let me live my routine tranquilly?

That’d be great.

Jan. 24th

It’s too much. The rock stealer is stealing again. Walking in their direction, I decide to confront them. About what, exactly? I slow down my pace. That’s a good question, actually. I’m deep in my thoughts, and my legs move without my conscious noticing. Before I realize it, I’m too close to turn back. I’m walking directly towards the rock stealer. Going back now would be the so awkward, especially since there’s a high chance they’ll be here again next time I come.

I’m only a few meters away. For the first time, we make eye contact. They is actually a he. He has big eyes, and I can see his black hair under his grey beanie.

I stare at him, unsure of my place in the universe at that precise moment. I decide to keep it simple, and to introduce myself.

“Hi” He speaks before I do.

“Hey” I shoot back. He looks up to the sky.

Silence. I sit down on one of the rocks.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” He suddenly adds. I can see his breath in the cold air.

“Yeah. It is.”

We fall silent. It’s not as awkward as I would expect this kind of situation to be.

Jan. 27th

I have a cold. I sip on my hot chocolate, rereading my favorite graphic novel. Last time, in the park, I waited for the random guy to leave first. I never bring my phone nor any kind of clock with me, when I go to the park. My time in the park is a time to not be stressed by time. I don’t know how many minutes passed. It didn’t seem like more than half an hour, though. As per usual, I contemplated my life and the world I live in, as the clouds flew by, ever changing.

In the end, he stood up, and turned his head towards me. I thought he would tell me his name or something, but he just smiled and gave me a small wave before walking away. 

Jan. 29th

“He isn’t here today.” Is my first thought when I arrive to the park. The unnamed rock stealer has been on my mind, in the last few days. I wonder why he keeps coming here. He’s probably just like me. He probably just needs some calm, and a place of his own. Well, I guess the park isn’t his. It technically isn’t mine either.

“It sort of feels like it’s ours…” I catch myself thinking.

--> February

[icantw84it]

Acquired Savant or TBI leading to Talents

Who is icantw84it and how did he come about…….

Hello,  My name is Scott Mele.  I was in a wreck 3.5 years ago.  I was hit at 70mph from behind which split my head open and gave me a concussion that went untreated.  No scans were made at the hospital I was sent home after 5 hours of waiting in the ER to get 11 staples.    Best part, prior to the wreck I couldn’t Draw or Paint but after I could paint Portraits and even Spray paint murals.

Before all of that, I met the woman of my dreams.  Unlike anything I ever felt for anyone, instantly I was taken by her, and she felt the same. TBH she was actually on her way to get the last of her things and move back to WV, when we met.  We were together for about a month…she need to go back home to get somethings from West Virginia. Where her mom and friends lived.   She had so much anxiety from trying to leave she couldn’t make herself leave.  She called me on the day of my wreck, prior to…. to let me know she wasn’t coming back…..Trust me no one ever says they want to live in WV. Jk I am sure its beautiful.

It was pouring down rain and I shouldn’t have left.  I was driving slow like everyone else, but it was coming down so hard.   My car instantly turned side ways, and just like that, I was facing the wall.  Now, I had been driving rear wheel vehicles my whole life.  This had never happened, not instantly!   I gained control of the vehicle but it stalled out.  Everyone stopped.  I looked to make sure behind me.  I didn’t hit anyone Thank god!  I put it in gear and hit the start button.  Bang!  

About a mile back at the exact same time, a guy swerved 4 lanes of traffic at 70 mph and saw the last lane was stopped swerved back lost control and like a missile shot into my car.

Brooke, that’s her name, she drove 5 hours to come take care of me.  She spent 2 weeks with me and then had to leave to go back to work.  At this point I had not really noticed anything.   Two weeks later she was coming back to be with me for a few days, then head back to WV to get the rest of her things.  She came back stayed for one night and left for WV.  That’s right, she did it again.  I was devastated.

I am not sure if it was this moment or the wreck or both.   But from here I can feel myself splitting in two.  I woke up one day and it was like I didn’t associate with anything in my life……. “Why am I staying in this luxury apartment.”  “Why are my bills ridiculous?” ” I don’t want to work with these people or even be associated.”  I was a car sales manager and a very successful one.  I didn’t want this life.  I felt trapt and alone.  I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted anymore. Which made me feel even more trapt and alone.  Everyday I would disassociate myself with another part of my life.  I use to work out twice a day.  I LOVED IT!  I remember saying I don’t want to waste my time with that. I was a douchebag.   Maybe part of me still is mostly in part from the intense feeling of not wanting to be alone and doing what I had to, to feel someone next to me.  I wasn’t ugly and I was a great salesman.  A very avid Online Dater and was always keen on finding niches and solutions to problems.  So I milked an online website for as many dates as I could until I got tired of one night stands.  But I digress….

I had so much anxiety from being in my life that I had to find a way to express myself. One day while in Marshalls(Popular Home crafts store) with my kids, I bought $400 worth of art supplies.  That Night I started Painting.  Granted, before this I couldn’t draw or paint.  My dad painted Bob Ross style when i was a kid but I hated it.  I would run when the show came on. I did take 4 years of art when I was in HS but everyone did.  I hated everything I drew.  I think I even have a drawing book from back then which I am embarrassed over.   I doodled in Highschool because I had ADD and that’s what I did.  It helped me pass because I believe it kept my brain active while I digested part of what was being taught.   

Anyways, When I finished my first painting that night…..It was the first time in 4 months where I felt like I recognized a part of me.  Something clicked for the first time.  I became hooked, and started painting everynight from 9pm-4am in the morning and going back to work at 9am in the morning.  I did this for 9 months.So not only was I splitting in two feeling depressed, alone, confused as to who I was, Anxiety from being trapt in my life, heart broken, angry , Disassociated, and drew away from being with people, I also added lack of proper sleep to the list.

So, I wasn’t painting like someone who just started painting. I was painting bodys and forms expressing emotions. However, I needed a challenge and I started painting Portraits. About 6 months in, I got bored of pumping paintings out every night start to finish. . My small canvas was 48in by 24in.  Which is larger than scale.  Not only could I paint portraits I could draw them. Where as before I couldn’t draw something that looked appealing by any means. When I did my first Portrait with flesh tones I nailed it.   Something happened during the wreck its like I took on an artists life.  I don’t even know what I am doing when i am doing it. I just do it and if I mess up I bounce off it instinctively like I had always done it.   

The painting was the only thing keeping me somewhat functional.  I needed it like it was a drug.  I eventually found a way to leave my job and do art full time.  Which was beyond dumb, but I couldn’t keep my focus in the dealership while I was there and I was losing positions like soccer player in the world cup who cant stop fighting.   I wanted out.  So I found a way out.  

I was surviving on my art alone for a good 6 months…Until I got into another wreck.  Same hit from behind at 20mph faster than what I was going.  My body locked up and I stopped working out so I was 15lbs lighter.  I through one of my hips out of whack by 3/4 inch.  My muscles were inflamed all around it and were hard as rocks 24 hours a day.  I was passing out every 4 hours.  I had no insurance and no money.   I couldn’t work a regular job.  I became even more depressed.  I couldn’t keep my apartment that was feeding me all my commissions.  I had to leave Raleigh NC, my hot spot.  This is where it gets real dark. I remember feeling so lost and calculating the amount of time I had left and what I could do to stay.  Before this I never worried about money. I was alone without help.  No one really knew what was going on with me. I didn’t go to a doctor for my brain injury.  I still haven’t.   I was afraid I would lose my ability to paint.  IDK   So no one really took my accident seriously because I never talked about it.  The only people who knew were my fans on instagram. I lost the one thing that was keeping me sane.  My ability to do art whenever I wanted.  I moved to a smaller town and attempted to make it there.  At this point my credit was garbage, i had to leave my apartment so I couldn’t get a place of my own.  I found a house with two bedrooms and I converted one of the rooms into a paint room.  But without constant conversations about my art it didn’t matter.I was behind on my child support.  I was even told that I needed to come up with $800 by next month or I was going to jail.  Even though I was passing out every 4 hours.  I lost everything and I could barely keep myself fed.  

I started making calls to break Timeshare contracts over the phone.  This saved me financially while the leads were good.  Then I went on the road to do it in person in different cities.  The hours were easy and predictable so I could work around them.  

I finally got help from a pain specialist.  She looked at me and knew exactly whats wrong with me.  She fixed about 90% of me.  I still have some lingering issues like fatigue and exhaustion after extreme exertion in short bursts.  All things I can hopefully fix.  So back to painting…..

So great i can paint portraits who cares.  Two years after the wreck during the time I was breaking Timeshares, I got bored with portraits and needed a challenge again.  I picked up a spray can, mind you I never liked graffiti or even cared for it. I thought murals were pretty but never even really noticed. I never even drew a  graffiti piece.   I picked up a can and did a graffiti piece on the side of a building that said for lease.  4 colors blended with a bubble and not bad at all using cheap spray paints from walmart.  Then a 8 ft tall crushed coke can.  nailed it.  Then a guy drove by and asked me to do something for him in his gym.  I sprayed a 10ft by 30ft Graffiti piece that said The Dungeon, for his gym where he had 40 people work out in front of on the daily.   Huge for someone just starting out.  but nailed it.   By this time I had been spraying for  a total of 10 days.  I told the building owner that I was ready to paint my mural.  He asked, ” have you ever done one before?”   No, but I got this!

In 10 days I spray painted a 50ft by 50 ft tall mural on the side of a building.This was the first time I painted about Brooke and the wreck….Honestly I picked some photos of random things built up a story in my head and painted it.  When I was done I realized it was Brooke and I painted about where I met her and overcoming adversity by using Koi fish. Which before I researched it I had no clue that’s what it meant. 

Subconsciously, I was telling myself to get over it I guess.    It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like a big piece of me was healed.  For the first time I was able to think about Brooke without feeling extreme emotions…  I felt I was going to be able to paint murals for my living but realized that my location, bills, timing, were all working against me.  I had to make a choice to support myself and make myself not feel like I was going to be homeless everyday, or continue fighting for something that I wasn’t sure I could do for very long without any support.  After almost being homeless 3 times during this period I decided to go back to car sales.  

Today I sit in a car dealership and I bite my tongue about the leads and the traffic and opportunities and remain grateful I have a job. After a year of not painting I finally picked a model on instagram to paint and have been painting her on a 89in by 72 in Canvas.   I can only give 2 hours at a time to it.  And I haven’t lost any of my ability to paint.  I can’t commit to it like I did because that would mean going back down that rabbit hole

I fought so hard to get out of.  But I give what I can to it and then try to appease the other side of me by sustaining my lame but stable Car salesman position in a small dealership.  I say this because of my other sides I have ruined my opportunities in other dealerships by wanting more power, control, leads because of my previous experience and knowing I can do more and make more if I had those things. 

To the best of my knowledge its like having a revolving glass door of personality  strengths, and depending on the situation and what I am doing that side is more prominent and in control or acting and making decisions: 

One side of me is a salesman, a damn good salesman that thrives on Power and Control and financial gain.

Another side of me is the Artist that is Content with just being alone and Creative.  Getting lost in my work and not being social.  Still desiring the need to see people but not really wanting to be a part of a group.

The last side is the side of me that wants to do nothing but loathe on my self pity and depression, play video games to distract myself and not accomplish anything.  He can’t remember to do things.  Constantly distracted worthless in almost every way to the other two sides of me. I think collectively we all hate him even he hates him.  Which I have identified and am trying to change. 

No, I don’t black out when one side takes over.  So maybe its not Multiple Personalities.  Yes, I remember everything. All I know is that its confusing when I try to decide who I am and what I want to do for the rest of my life because its a constant tug of war.  When I am selling I want to be with people and spend money, find girls I want to succeed and have control.  When I am painting I want to be alone and lost in my art for ever not caring about anything else.  When I am not doing either of those and not on adderall, I want to play video games and be left alone dwelling on my life and what I lost.

By writing that I understand that I haven’t made much progress. But to be honest and for you to see the full spectrum of things I had to say it.  I take adderall because I hate being him.  I had been taking adderall before the wreck so those two personality conflicts were preexisting.   I remember calling him the other guy.  Or I would mention that the Other guy would leave adderall lying around the apartment in different places each time.  And while I am working on a painting and get stumped or frustrated with my thought process I would sigh and as I am exhaling I would be in plain view of an adderall that the other guy left for me.  Genius!  lol   

Anyways.  This is a detailed snippet of my last three years after my wreck.  Outside of hating myself the only other thing all three of me share, is the desire to want to find someone that understands me and to be with.  

I think we all want to get my story out now, and find a way to make it known.  Its inspiring for some reason. I don’t know why, but I do love when people feel inspired to do something they have been afraid to do. Or to take another shot at life.

Has my experience been for the better.  I don’t know it depends on who you ask of the three.  I did gain the ability to paint  and pick up styles of art I haven’t been exposed to over night.  

Why did I write this…..I figured it would help someone in their research, maybe it will lead to shedding some light on my situation, help me in some way.  IDK, but I find that every time I tell my story it helps with my anxiety.   

Thank you for reading.

Sorry if it was all over the place. My grammar is horrible and I haven’t really had a chance to sit down and proof this, so again…. I apologize.

-icantw84it

This is a link to my art.

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[ohleebearjourney]

BM 2017

I need to put it down in writing now before it all dissipates in my mind. It’s been a very long while since I’ve had this moment, after an experience, where I had sat down and just went “wow”. I could not even wrap my head around the reality that I had just experienced. 

Friday (August 25th):

I went to Allan’s place with my belongings and my bike. I had no idea how the fuck everything is supposed to fit in a $300 MVP. I still had my hesitations on going, and even further hesitations on Allan given his unkempt scruffiness and even worse garage. I didn’t understand how this guy could take me to the Burn. I told myself to have faith in Clive. We had a phone conversation about the Burn, a bit of what to expect, Jessica Tan and a bit of Allan right before I got to Allan’s place. Afterward I got to Allan’s, we discussed logistics and what time he should expect me to come to his place. I tested out my camera one last time and had packed the last few things that I needed to put in my belongings. Definitely needed a smoke this night before I went to bed so I can sleep as uninterrupted as possible.

Saturday (August 26th)

I woke up and started packing the rest of my shit into the China camelpak. I started loading my food into a freezer pack/box and got super antsy. My brother wasn’t waking up to drive me and I had even looked up Lyft prices to see how long it’ll take me. Okay, he wakes up and then proceeds to take forever. I get a bit annoyed and impatient. We left around 9AM when originally we had said let’s go at 7. I am two hours late. I am never fucking late. We got to Allan’s place around 9:30. I see that Allan had shaved his head. What the fuck. Okay, whatever, good sign that he’s thinking ahead on that front with hygiene (lucky bastard). We started figuring out logistics and placed the food away in his fridge as much as we can and we were figuring out logistics for ice, which freezer need dry ice. Bought about 100 lb dry ice and 40 lb ice. Went to Stater Bros for food, and then Hong Kong Supermarket for more food (Asian). Went back to Allan’s and started packing everything and everything. I started clearing out all the shit that’s in the front of his car. Whole process takes 1-2 hours. Shit, we’re definitely behind schedule. As we left Allan’s, I had this sense of “holy shit what the fuck this is really happening” coming in at full force. We got on the road. Fuck the AA batteries, texting Clive and asking him to get it since we’re way behind schedule. We get stuck on 60 traffic, yay. Started talking about cars and Allan questions how I got into cars. Drives by my place towards the 60, and then we hopped on the 15. Definitely just had a long ass conversation about cars and about our life the whole way until we made a pit stop at Wendy’s/Pilot to eat. Some lady and man talked about poisonous mushrooms in the gas station and both Allan and I gave each other a fucking “did you just hear that?!” look. Lol. Okay. This is gonna be a fun ride to the Burn. We took off onto highway 395 and rest of the way just bantered about our lives, about others, and then found that we had huge parallels in our lives like the power of Christ compels you type of way. We had also passed along the way where Allan had McGuyvered his MVP last time that he had been stranded. Along the way on highway 395, there was a sign that said “free weed” and we fucking lost it. And before the house, we saw this shady dude walking on the side of the road and I remember Allan saying “That’s it. That’s from him right there.” But we really did fucking pass this house that is painted in marijuana leaves and free weed covering and oh boy. What the hell? Lol. Time passes and the sun is setting. We passed by Manzanar and had mentioned that maybe we should go and check it out when we come back. The roads are getting colder and the elevation is getting higher. The MVP is definitely not made for mountains, but it was doing the best that it could. As we were going towards the road to Mammoth Mountain, we were running low on gas. We had made it to this random gas station stop at 395 to refill a bit before trekking. The gas light had already been on for miles. Pretty thankful that we found that weird ol’ nobody’s here gas station. We continued along the way. We stopped at the next gas station at Chevron. I had asked Allan if he would like me to drive since he’s been driving for 10+ hours now, and he says no he can keep going because marines. Okay, fair enough. Bought a ton of cigarettes and Allan keeps trucking on. We pass by this Walmart and decided to stop there before the Reno one since that would have been a long wait. Glad we stopped by this one. Got the propane tank and other last minute items and went along the way. Both of us realized we forgot one thing that we had mentioned down the road, and we just said fuck it - probably not important. We left and went along the way. I had been dozing off a bit at this point but tried to keep the conversation going so Allan won’t fall asleep. Yeah that didn’t last. I woke up at Reno Walmart so we can grab some McDonalds. Walked in and it was a chaotic line. McDonalds was closed. Noped the fuck out of there and went to a drive thru McDonalds. Allan drove rest of the way and I had just been dozing off, thinking I am keeping Allan company. Got to the road that stretches three towns into Burning Man and I am fucking nodding off like crazy. I remember when we got to the stretch of the road where reception was getting spotty, we were in front of a school bus from Canada. In this school bus were decks of bunk beds that were sprawled out from right and left. I saw a foot and thought it was something else for a second. Reception came and the last thing I could read on Facebook was our camp location. Sick. Allan received a text from Jodie as well on confirmation. Awesome. At some point here, I definitely dosed off but I had remember noticing the different side vendors in the little towns that we passed. Thought it was just strange to go into a world where currency is void and here we are, seeing people spend money on things that they should already have prepared for. 

Sunday (August 27th) 

We arrived at Exodus area at around 4AM-ish and roads were hell-ish and bumpy. You have to go 10mph otherwise a cop will just be right on your tail as soon as you go over speed limit. It was kind of intense. We somehow made it and turned off the car, since it was no longer moving. I had dosed off again and again and again. Each time that I dosed off, I had thought that I was having a conversation with Allan so my mind was definitely disoriented. When I woke up, I remember that a white girl was standing next to Allan’s side door and I was very disoriented and had my guard up full force. What the fuck does this bitch want? She then greets us and says good morning and says it in the most genuine, sweetest voice that I’ve heard in awhile. I look around and realize that the sun had risen, and it seemed like an angel had just woken me up. I looked around. Allan looks at me with this “Are you okay?” look. I was so disoriented because I thought I was already speaking to Allan but it was what my mind was making up as I was dreaming. I took a hard look and Allan got out his car to smoke and chat with people. I felt really self conscious because I realized I had been wearing my Foo Fighters shirt, and something about logos and decommodification made me a bit worried. I worked up a bit of my courage to say fuck it! Got out my Playa coat from the back and wore it to cover it up. Looked out at the sunrise and it was fucking beautiful. I had looked around and there were all smiles, so I smiled back. It felt really nice. I think at that moment, I had a bit of a realization that I have been so fucking grumpy lately, this is my vacation and I should make the best of it. I was still feeling a bit in my shell though, so I was just observing Allan making some banter with these two girls with a Ford Fusion. I decided to jump back in the car and start the engine since the line was kind of moving at this point, inch by inch. Decided to drive it out a little bit and I felt a bit confused with the shifting for a bit, since you know, 2017 car vs 1990s van. We got to nearly the front and Allan took back over the driver’s side. Tickets scanned and the guy looks into our trunk and just asks “are there stowaways ejirjoejsfjso fireworks etc in here?” No sir. Okay, you may pass. Cool. And since the lines were backed up, I wasn’t able to do the initiation as a virgin burner, but it’s totally fine. We got in and the line from exodus to the main road was fucking long. We passed by a few camps and there was a camp called camp half-chub, which Allan was in hysterics. Got to our campsite finally and I started to introduce myself to everyone. There was one asshole in particular that I introduced myself to and his second sentence that he says to me was mouthing “I want to fuck you” but I was playing dumb and saying uhh okay, I don’t understand. And he blatantly says it, and I just totally rejected it. I didn’t want to cause a scene since it is literally the first hour upon arrival AND the car ride was near 24 hours. I proceeded to just shrug it off and help build the set up for the dome. The Chinese, who got their camp set up half ready already, were blasting mandarin pop music and I went over to Allan at one point to say “I thought we had left the 626 man.” I sat down a little bit near the car with Jodie, Nick and Nico after my introductions to banter and chat with them so we can get a bit acquainted. Got back to working on the dome thereafter because I was really ready to contribute to the camp. Helped lay out a bit of the dome after screwing in the planks. I decided to go to the restroom, so I went on a walk to the restroom. After that, I decided fuck it - I’m going to explore. I wanted to find the Daruma for whatever reason, and then I ended up in the middle of Playa with no water. Dumb mistake, I know. But I met these two French guys and this elder woman who were building their art. We had talked a bit and conversed a bit in some French and they gave me a hell of a lot of water. I went back and they were still trying to figure out the dome. Allan joked that he thought I’m already lost. We built the wedding canopy after for the shade structure at around noontime. After that, Nico built his tent that he had purchased from an old school hippie (which, if I recall correctly, was a VW old school tent), and Scott + Jenny built their tent in the same shade structure area. Nick, Allan and I started building the carport at around sun down. I felt like I had not been much help at all because my strength just started depleting. Jodie and Allan had some disagreements on the carport structure, but it all worked out in the end. Nick and Jodie decided to just stay in the trailer and Allan and I separately had our own tents in the carport. I definitely wanted my own tent because I wanted my personal space. Built our tents inside the carport, and in between that had a Shin Ramen cup and I made one for Allan as well. Got Allan some gatorade powdered water, and he was really tired by then (of course, he didn’t sleep for an entire day). I decided I wanted to go out and check out the city myself, so I got on my bike that was unloaded before sun down, and started to go exploring. My first impression of everything? Well, I got lost at first. I was a bit of a darkwad. I only had my headlights with me. At first, I wanted to go to 5:30 & E to find Janet, Viv and Bob, but my route took another turn. At this point, I actually had no idea where I was going, but I was going towards the 2:00 section on J and decided to take streets down. I somehow landed towards 5:30 but I couldn’t see clearly where Eulogy must have been. I somehow ended up on the Esplanade and was so taken aback by everything in a good way, but was SO CONFUSED. There was so many LED lights, music, bass bumping, a ton of bikes, and I was just like WHAT IN THE HELL. I looked around to find out where I can park my bike and maybe do a bit of exploring inside. I walked into the center camp, and took a look at some of the art. The middle section had some naked people doing acroyoga. Cool. Apparently the center camp had drinks, so I decided to buy an iced mocha since I was lacking caffeine and was afraid of getting a headache from the lack of the next morning. Had a conversation with the person manning the line and went to buy a mocha. Gave a dollar tip, and proceeded to look around more at the art. I saw this art piece that invited you to write down something that you wanted to wish for, but instead of that, I had written something else. It was for him. I wrote down that I wish that I can find healing in what happened between us and to find closure. I took a picture of it with my makeshift go-pro (which stupidly didn’t capture), and decided to leave. I went back on my bike and did a bit more exploring. I was so lost my first day, and I decided to just go back to camp and call it a night. I was really tired from the whole entire day, and I didn’t think that I have had enough food or water to sustain much more energy. I went back to my tent, where I had a deflated air mattress because it wouldn’t pump air. Fuck it, I’m just going to sleep in the sleeping bag. To Be Continued.