#let me make myself clear: i think casting actors who are good at singing should be a consideration when working on a musical movie

[thelordofshrimp]

having so much self-control right now (did not start a fight over someone else's garbage take)

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[luke-patterson-owns-my-soul]

Unsaid Emily

Title: Unsaid Emily - Charlie x Reader

Words: 4,698

Summary: Y/N is one of the songwriters working on Julie and the Phantoms and cowrote Unsaid Emily. When she has to work with Charlie, sparks fly.

Requested: Only by my idiot brain

TW: None

Author’s notes: I mean no offence to the writers of Unsaid Emily, but I needed it to be this way. Also, I know Charlie just got his car, but it fit my timeline.  I hope you like it.

Credit: @nikascott​

Receiving the call from Netflix to write a song for a kids’ TV show about a ghost band, you were hesitant, but your friend Dan talked you into it. You had written as a duo before – you wrote lyrics while he conjured up what you personally considered the most beautiful melodies – but this job was just for you. 

The brief you’d been given by the show runners didn’t give much away. A song for a runaway son to perform for his estranged mother after his death. The only other information given was that his mother’s name is Emily. Usually, you like vague briefs such as this, but without knowing more, you struggle. 

After speaking to one of the showrunners, you’re invited to meet the writers for more information, so you drive down to where the legendary Kenny Ortega is putting the cast through their paces at a band bootcamp. You’ve worked with Kenny before, so when you arrive, he welcomes you with a smile and a hug before the two of you disappear to discuss the song you’re struggling with. 

“Why don’t I introduce you to Charlie who’s playing Luke. He’s had intensive discussions with the writers and myself about his character and may have some insight on what kind of things Luke would want to say to his mom.” Kenny suggests rather than only speaking to the writers. 

“That would be great, but only if you can spare him for a few minutes.” 

“It’s not a problem. Hey, come and grab some lunch with me, I’ll introduce you, and then you can get the information you need.” You loved Kenny and wanted to write the best possible song for his show you could. Standing, you grab your bag before following him out and over to catering. 

As soon as Kenny enters the large room, he’s called out to and waved at. With a wide smile, he responds to everyone as the two of you grab some food and sit at an empty table. While you eat, you discuss the show, and Kenny’s hopes for it. 

“It may be aimed at a younger demographic, but I want it to appeal to all ages.” He stated as you’re joined by a group of kids so good looking, they can only be the cast. “Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s one of the songwriters we’ve commissioned. Charlie, once you’ve finished up with lunch, could you spare her ten minutes to chat with her about Luke?” The cast members all say hi before returning to their food. It’s clear to you they’re all creating friendships as they laugh together. But Charlie isn’t getting involved as he looks at you. You can’t help but stare at the actor as his hazel eyes lock onto yours, a small smile on his face as he nods. 

“Sure, no problem.” He smiles wider and you almost choke on your food. Kenny looks over at you, a strange smile on his face. 

:: :: 

“Hi, you needed to talk to me?” Charlie moves along the table once everyone has left to get back to work. You look over at him, noticing how young he looks. From what Kenny’s told you about the cast, you’re not much older than him, but with his short hair and boyish smile, he looks a lot younger than he is. 

“Hey, yeah. I just want some insight into the character of Luke.” 

“Which song are you writing?” He asks, genuinely interested. He leans his chin on his hand waiting for you to answer. 

“The one he writes for his mom after he runs away.” 

“Oh, wow. Tough break.” You can’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

You pull a notebook out of you bag and open it to a page where you’d scribbled some questions about the character. 

For half an hour, the two of you sit, chatting about the show, about Charlie’s character, and by the time you finish up, you’re pretty satisfied that you can head home and make the song work. After thanking Charlie for his time, you pack your notebook away, ready to go out to your car and drive home. 

“Do you fancy coming and watching a rehearsal before you leave?” He asks, rubbing at the back of his neck with his hand. You really shouldn’t, you need to get back home to start working, but you’re intrigued by him. Throughout your talk, you were impressed with the passion he has for both music and acting, but more than anything, the character he’s going to be portraying. 

“Sure, but I can’t stay long. I have a song to write for you.” You grin as you follow him out of catering and into the rehearsal space. Immediately, Kenny calls you over where he’s sat with the young girl playing the lead role. She’s listening to a piece of music you don’t recognize. 

“All good?” He asks when you join him. 

“Great. I should be able to get a rough cut over to you by the end of the week. Is that okay?” 

“Fabulous, I look forward to hearing what you come up with. Ready to see these amazing kids rock out before you go?” 

“Am I ever.” 

“Guys, let’s run through Now or Never.” Kenny calls out. Charlie and his bandmates grab their instruments while the young girl you now know as Madison turns the music off and leaves the stage area. 

As the three guys rock out, you can’t help but watch Charlie. He’s a natural lead singer who commands the stage, even in rehearsal, and you know his fanbase is going to explode once the show airs. You take note of his singing range, mentally adding it to the notes you made earlier. 

“Kenny, you’re onto a winner with this show,” you tell the director as the song ends. “I’m gonna head out and get started. I’ll let you know once we have something for you.” 

Kenny hugs you before turning his attention back to the actors and starts directing them to lead into another track as you exit the room. As you reach your car, you hear footsteps behind you. 

“Y/N, are you leaving?” You turn to see Charlie standing behind you. 

“I have a song to write, the final one y’all need if I might add.” You smile at him, pulling your keys out of your bag. 

“I can’t wait to hear it.” 

“Well, I better make it a great track then, huh?” Your words made Charlie grin widely again and you couldn’t help but think how beautiful it was. 

“You’re the only one to ask about the characters, so I have no doubt it’ll be amazing.” 

His words didn’t surprise you. You were a bit of a method songwriter, needing to get into the correct headspace when writing emotional songs. 

“Let’s hope I don’t disappoint.” You bit at your lip as the ever-familiar seed of doubt began to grow in your mind. It happened every time, but you always managed to ignore it. 

“I’m sure you won’t. Hey, I was wondering if you’d let me hear it before you send it to Kenny.” That did surprise you. You’d been hired by Netflix, yet the lead actor was asking you to share something with him first. 

“Er… I’m not sure if I’m allowed. I mean, what if they don’t like it and don’t use it?” 

“Oh, right. Okay. Anyway, it was nice to meet you.” He held out his hand for you to shake. When your hand was in his, he lifted it and placed a soft kiss against your knuckles. A flicker of heat shot up your arm and your eyes shot to lock onto his. Judging by how wide they were, he’d felt it too. Eventually, you withdrew your hand from his, even though you didn’t particularly want to. 

“You too. Good luck with the show.” Unlocking your car, you climbed in, and started the engine. With one last look at Charlie as you pulled the door closed, you forced yourself to pull out of the parking lot and drive away. 

:: ::

          |@charles_gillespie started following you

 You stared at the notification on your Instagram account. It had been two days since your trip to meet up with Kenny and the cast – well, Charlie in particular – and you’d been working hard on the song. Intrigued, you clicked onto his profile and scrolled through his photos. He clearly loved the outdoors and spent a lot of time hiking or camping. You can’t help but smile when you see photos of him with his family and friends. 

You follow him back and put your phone down to pick your guitar back up to continue working. 

         |@charles_Gillespie sent you a message 

Hey 

Hi 

The app indicated Charlie was typing, then he wasn’t, then typing again, but no message came through. Shrugging, you put your phone back down and continued working. You had a title, a melody, and had almost finished the lyrics. It was full of emotion and if asked, you’d totally admit you had cried more than once while writing it. 

How’s the song coming? Another message from Charlie. It made you smile, but you needed to finish working. You turned your phone off and focused. 

Finally, the song was finished. All you needed to do was to record a rough cut to send over to Kenny and the writer so they could see if it needed any amendments before sending over the final version along with the chords and lyrics. You head into the tiny studio you have set up in your apartment and record the song. It takes three takes for you to get through it without crying, but once you do, you send it straight over and stop working for the night. 

Turning your phone back on, it buzzes insanely with a slew of notifications. Friends checking up on you, your parents inviting you to dinner, an email from Kenny telling you they love the rough cut and asking you to send a cleaner copy tomorrow, and a couple of messages from Charlie on Instagram. Now you’re able to respond properly, you open the app. 

Sorry if I’m disturbing you. 

I hope the song’s going well. 

Hey, sorry. I turned my phone off while I was finishing up. Kenny has the rough cut, so I’m about to chill out and watch a movie. Hope all is well at bootcamp. 

You worry the message you reply with is overly formal, but it’s too late as it’s showing as being seen. You busy yourself making some food and picking out a movie to watch. Settling on your couch to watch the first To All the Boys movie, your phone begins to buzz. 

Charlie 👅🍀

Instagram video 

With a slightly trembling finger, you accept the call and soon Charlie’s face fills half of your screen. 

“Hey, Y/N.” he smiles brightly at you. 

“Hey.” You’re a little confused about why he’s calling you, but you decide to go with it. 

“Kenny played me the rough cut of Unsaid Emily. I just wanted to tell you it’s beautiful and I can’t wait to sing it.” 

“Thanks, I’m glad everyone seems to like it.” 

“Y/N, we didn’t just like it, we all loved it. So many people were crying when they heard it.” 

“I would apologize, but my mom taught me not to tell lies.” His laugh burst out of the speaker on your phone. 

“Don’t, it’s great. It’s gonna be a great addition to the show.” 

You grab the remote for the TV to turn the volume down as the film you’d picked to watch was starting. 

“Hey, what movie are you watching?” he asks when you apologize for the interruption. 

“Oh, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.” You can’t help but notice he scrunches up his face, and you also can’t help but notice how adorable it looks. “What was that face for?” 

“I didn’t think you’d be a chick flick kinda girl…” 

“Oh, I don’t watch it for the story.” You can’t help but laugh as he tries to work out what you mean. 

“What’s the point of watching it then?” 

“Because Noah Centineo’s pretty to look at.” You don’t add the fact he’s not as pretty as Charlie. It’s not exactly something you can admit on a first Instagram video call – not that you’re expecting there to be more. 

“I’m not going to disagree, but is he prettier than me?” You laugh and roll your eyes at him. 

“I’m not going to answer that question on the grounds that I barely know you.” 

“I can see you blushing, Y/N. I think you think I’m prettier, but don’t want to admit it to my face.” He’s full on laughing now and you can’t help but join in. 

“Carry on teasing me, I’ll end this call.” You threaten, making his eyes widen slightly. 

“I’m sorry. So, tell me about yourself?” You see him getting comfortable on what looks like a bed. He’s soon lying sideways on the screen in front of you. You decide to mimic him, propping your phone against a glass candle holder on the table next to you. You lie on your side facing both your phone and the TV. 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Well, for starters, how old are you?” 

“I’m twenty-five. You?” 

“Twenty-one.” 

For two hours, the two of you throw questions back and forth as the movie comes to an end without you noticing. 

“Do you think you’ll come to set?” He asks you, surprising you. 

“I think it’s doubtful. Once I record a cleaner version of Unsaid Emily, my job’s done. I’m not needed anymore.” 

“Oh…” Did you detect a hint of disappointment in his voice? No, you didn’t. 

“Well, this has been fun, Charles Jeffrey Gillespie, but I have an appointment in the morning, and I really need to get some sleep.” You sit up, take hold of your phone, and walk out of the lounge to your bedroom. 

“Taking me to bed, already? Haven’t even had to buy you dinner.” Charlie jokes, making you roll your eyes at him. “Okay. Maybe we can do this again? Bootcamp lasts for a while longer yet, then we’re going to film in Vancouver.” 

“That would be great. And thanks again for being nice about the song.” You both say your goodbyes and once the call has ended, you collapse back on to your bed, unsure exactly what has happened. 

:: :: 

It’s been three months since you had Unsaid Emily accepted by the show, and in that time you and Charlie have video called on Instagram a few times, but you’re both crazy busy. You’re working on a score for a videogame while he’s finished up with bootcamp and has relocated to Vancouver to start filming. The entire time, neither of you suggested meeting up even though you both lived in L.A. 

You’re just leaving your parent’s home when your phone rings in your bag. Not recognizing the number on screen, you debate not answering it, but brush your thumb across the screen anyway. 

“Hello?” 

“Y/N? It’s Kenny. Are you okay to talk?” 

“Hi Kenny, I’ve always got time for you.” You hear him laugh down the phone. “What can I do for you Mr. Ortega?” 

“I was wondering, because you did such a great job with Unsaid Emily, if you’d like to come on set to watch it being filmed? See how we’ve adapted it?” Well, that wasn’t what you expected to hear. 

“I’d love to. When do you film?” 

“The day after tomorrow. I’m sorry it’s all so last minute, but I’ve been busy.” 

“I can just about manage it. I’ll book a flight when I get back home, then I’ll message you for directions to the studio.” 

“Sounds great. See you soon, and I really think you’ll love what we’ve done with the song.” You reassure him you will and end the call and get into your car to drive home. 

After juggling a few things around, you’re able to book a flight to Vancouver for the next afternoon. When You message Kenny, he reassures you there’ll be a car waiting for you. You decide to book a hotel for two nights and a flight back the next day. You’ve never been to a TV set, and don’t know how long these things take. As you pack an overnight bag, you realize you’re excited, not only about seeing your work come to life, but seeing Charlie again, in the flesh. 

:: :: 

Arriving in Vancouver, you walked through the airport and out into the arrivals lounge, looking for the driver Kenny had sent to pick you up. You were able to bypass having to wait for your luggage thanks to only having a small carry-on bag so made it through the crowds pretty quickly. When you emerged, you saw a row of drivers holding signs, but none had your name on. Deciding to find somewhere to sit and call Kenny, you move past the drivers in black suits. Directly in front of you is Charlie wearing a wide grin. 

“Hey you. Moonlighting as a chauffeur to make ends meet?” You tease as you approach him. He surprises you by pulling you into a hug. 

“It’s weird not seeing your face on a small screen.” He jokes as he leads you outside, taking your bag from you. You can’t help but notice he’s been working out and his biceps are looking impressive. Well, you knew he had anyway thanks to his constant posting on Instagram, and from your video calls, but seeing it up close makes your mouth go dry. 

“I’ve had to put make-up on. No filters in real life, Gillespie.” He rolled his eyes at you as he unlocked his car, an orange Nissan Juke.

 “Some car there…” You struggle to hold in a laugh and his mock hurt look. 

“Look, it may not be pretty, but it’s great for camping and heading out of town to go hiking.” He was almost pouting when he finished speaking. 

“Okay, okay. I give in.” you climb into the car. “Why aren’t you on set?” 

“I wasn’t needed for a couple of hours, so I offered to come and meet you. I have to be back once you’re checked in at your hotel. Sorry it’s a bit of a rush.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I can go out sightseeing while you’re working hard.” You grin at him. “I’ve never been to Vancouver, or Canada, before.” 

“You’ve clearly lived a very sheltered life.” He’s teasing so you just stick your tongue out at him before turning your attention out of the window as Charlie maneuvered the car out of the parking lot. “Have you even left California?” Again with the teasing. 

“Not only have I left the state, but I’ve also even left the country.” 

“That’s cool, where did you go?” 

“I studied in London for a year, then I backpacked around Europe for another, before coming home and becoming a functioning member of society.” 

“That’s actually pretty awesome. I’d love to do that, just travel around for a year and get to see so many amazing places.” There’s a look in his eyes you recognize. Wanderlust. 

Before long, Charlie’s pulling up outside your hotel and helping you out of the car. 

“I would make sure you get checked in okay, but I need to jet. I’m sorry, shall we meet up later, I can introduce you to the rest of the cast.” 

“That would be great. Message me so I know when to be ready and where to meet y’all.” He agrees, places a soft kiss against your cheek and gets back into the car. You watch him drive away before going to check in. 

:: :: 

When you took the job of writing a song for a TV show, you never expected to find yourself out to dinner with the cast of said show, watching them do karaoke. All of them have included you, which made you feel as if you’re part of their circle, despite their many in jokes and stories from set. Madison greeted you like an old friend, telling you she’d head a lot about you from Charlie. That surprised you because you hardly knew him beyond the few video calls you’d had. 

“He talks about you all the time, and Owen says he can hear his side of the conversations. He teases him about it all the time.” You stare at her, confused. 

“That’s crazy. We hardly know each other.” 

“Doesn’t stop feelings from happening.” She laughs at you, before dragging you up to perform with her. 

The entire evening is a blast, but you all have to call it a night early thanks to their early call to set. You plan to call an uber back to your hotel, but Charlie insists on making sure you get back safe. As you say goodbye to the others, Madison give you a look you don’t even attempt to try and decipher. 

“Thanks for tonight, I had a great time. You’re lucky you guys are so close.” You tell Charlie as your uber moves through the dark streets. 

“Yeah, they’re great and we’re like a family. I know it sounds corny and cliché, but it’s the truth. I think that’s why Kenny set up bootcamp. It makes going to work so much easier.” 

Silence falls over you, but it’s a comfortable one, and all too soon, you’re pulling up outside your hotel. 

“Thanks for making sure I got back safe.” You say as you get ready to climb out of the car. Charlie surprises you by following you. “Oh, you don’t need to see me inside, I’m a big girl.” 

“I know, but my mom would kill me if I didn’t. I was taught to make sure pretty girls got home safe.” You laugh but are filled with warmth at him calling you pretty. 

“I bet you use that line on all the girls.” You give him a nudge with your shoulder which makes him laugh. 

“Not really.” He holds out his elbow for you to tuck your hand through as he walks into the building. 

Once you’re outside your room, you turn to face him and thank him for inviting you out again. 

“It was a pleasure. I just hope you had a good time.” 

“I really did. I’ll see you in the morning, then.” 

“Yeah, see you.” 

:: :: 

The following morning, you’re up at what feels like the crack of dawn. You’re regretting the shots you had the night before as you climb into an uber to head over to the studio. The closer you get, the more excited you become. You’ve seen your songs brought to life on screen before, but you’ve never been there for the filming. 

As you climb out of your car, you hear someone call out your name. You turn to see Madison and her dad walking toward you. 

“Hey Y/N. How are you feeling after last night?” She asks, giggling slightly. You’re more than a little jealous of the fact she’s a minor and is unable to drink any alcohol. 

“A bit delicate, but nothing a strong coffee won’t cure.” You smile as she introduces you to her dad as the three of you walk inside. They stay with you as you’re signed in and given a visitor’s pass. 

“What do you know about this scene you’re watching today?” Madison asks you as you follow her through the hallways. 

“Not a lot if I’m honest. I know a little background to the song and Luke as a character, but nothing else.” 

“Woah, you’re in for a treat. I hope you didn’t wear any eye make-up.” Mr. Reyes laughs at his daughter’s words as you reach the catering tent. The aroma of coffee is calling you. “Well, I’ll see you soon, I’m first in hair and make-up.” The young girl gives you a tight hug and leaves you to fuel your need for caffeine. 

By the time you’ve finished your drink, and a bagel, the tent is filling up around you. You spot Kenny entering and he makes a beeline for you. 

“Y/N, it’s so good to see you again.” 

“Thanks for having me. I’m honored to be invited. I know this is a bit unusual.” 

“Honey, you don’t need to thank me. It was this guy’s idea.” He stepped aside to reveal Charlie, in full Luke costume. 

“Oh…” 

:: :: 

Standing next to Kenny, you’re silent as the opening bars to your song start to play. A lump has already gathered in your throat as you watch Charlie as Luke singing to his mother who can’t see him. You knew it was an emotional song, but hearing it sung live and in context of the show, you can’t quite believe it’s yours. 

You know they have some scenes to film that will be cut into the scene, but you can’t help being mesmerized by the tone of Charlie’s voice as he sings a song of regret. 

You feel tears pricking at your eyes as rounds a corner of the set, belting out the final pre chorus, the rasp to his voice, and tears flowing down his face. Kenny takes a look at you and grabs hold of your hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“You did good.” He compliments you. Wiping at your eyes, hoping your mascara isn’t running, you shake your head. 

“No, that was all him.” Once filming’s over, you make an excuse to Kenny and head outside for some fresh air. You’re feeling overwhelmed and in awe of what they’ve done with your song. 

“Are you okay?” Charlie’s voice is soft as he walks up to stand next to you. 

“I’m fine, just a bit overwhelmed. I never expected it to… to be that good.” You realize you could have offended him and begin to stumble over your words. “Not that I mean… you’ve got an amazing voice, and you injected so much hurt and pain into the song. It sounded better than I ever imagined it to.” 

You feel like a bumbling idiot and turn away from Charlie so he can’t see the embarrassment on your face. He moves to stand directly in front of you, using his hand to gently lift your chin so you have nowhere else to look but directly into his eyes. 

“If the song wasn’t right, I wouldn’t have been able to do what I just did, so it’s all on you too.” It feels as if his hazel eyes are looking deep into your soul. 

“Thank you.” You finally accept a compliment, making him smile. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“Why did you ask for me to be here today?” 

“Because the moment I heard the rough cut of Unsaid Emily I felt it was only right you be here. There something in your lyrics and melody that will truly have an affect on the audience, and I felt you needed to see that for yourself.” He suddenly let go of you and looked away. 

“Why do I feel like there’s an ‘and’ coming?” 

“And… the moment I heard that rough cut, I needed to know more about you. That’s why I followed you on Insta and started the video calls. I needed to know you.” 

You don’t know what to say, not that there’s time for you to. Charlie looks back at you, places his hands on your waits, and bends his head to capture your lips in a soft kiss. It’s quick, but gets your pulse racing. He pulls away, slowly. 

“Is Noah Centineo still prettier than me?” 

You laugh before crushing your lips against is again, this time not so softly.

‘

‘

‘

‘

‘

‘

Tags: @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @xplrreylo​

If you’d like to be tagged, just drop me a message.

[j0elmill3r]

The Tonight Show

Chris Evans x Daughter!Reader

Chris Evans Masterlist

Warnings; Fluff, some swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of mental illness, Jimmy Fallon and Jaeden Martell make appearances

Word count; 2.3k

A/N; I'm bored of corona so that doesn't exist here, you're also dating Jaeden Martell because he's baby and also this went on to also be a Jaeden x Reader too, oops.

--

"And tonight's special guests are Chris Evans and his daughter, Y/N Evans," You stood behind the door and waited for it to lift. You smiled when it did and you heard people cheering and clapping. You walked over to the couch and sat down on it, while your dad sat on the single-seat nearest to the desk. "Hi guys, thank you for coming. Y/N, this is your first time on the show, how do you feel?" Jimmy asked you. You laughed nervously and put your hands on your lap.

"Kinda nervous, and kinda scared, to be completely honest," You said. Both your dad and Jimmy laughed.

"I had to drag her out of bed this morning, she wouldn't budge," Chris said, you turned to him and gave him a fake angry glare. "One of the many joys of having a teenage daughter,"

"Does it take a lot of effort?" Jimmy asked. Chris chuckled and nodded.

"Oh yeah, it's tough. Y/N could easily sleep through a nuclear war," Chris continued.

"I am here, you know," You reminded him. "And you aren't any better, dear father," You scolded him. Chris raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"Since you two are clearly eager to embarrass each other in some way, we're gonna play a little game. Chris, you've played this before with your brother, Scott," Jimmy said. Chris began to laugh, which made you nervous. "I don't really have a name for it, but this game is incredibly easy, Y/N," You nodded.

"By the way, he reacted I'm gonna guess that it was 'Know Your Bro' and that I'm going to be exposed," Chris nodded and turned to you. Jimmy handed you a phone and a pair of noise-cancelling headphones on. "This should be fun," You said loudly.

"Okay, Chris. When Y/N was younger, what was the most typical thing a kid would do you gave her into trouble for?" He asked. Chris thought for a moment before sighing.

"The first thing that comes to mind was when she about 4 or 5 and she got into the paint in her room, that I had purposely put on top of her wardrobe so she couldn't reach it," Chris said. Jimmy laughed and looked over at you. You looked around, seeing people's reactions. "And so I went to check on her because she was being suspiciously quiet and I go into her room and find her covered in yellow, green and red paint. It took me a good few days to get the red out of her hair," He explained.

"Alright, Y/N," Jimmy waved to get your attention and laughed at the clueless look on your face.

"I'm scared," You admitted. Chris laughed.

"Okay, we asked your dad what was the most typical thing you did that your dad gave you into trouble for?" He asked. You looked to your dad, who avoided your eyes because you had a way of using your eyes to get him to tell you things. "Don't look at each other,"

"Alright um...I'm gonna take a wild guess that it's the time I took the paints and covered myself in them?" You said. Everyone burst out laughing and nodded, making you laugh. "I haven't done many things wrong, I'm an absolute angel!" You laughed.

"That is a lie if I've ever heard one," Chris murmured. "Alright, my turn," You handed your dad the phone and the headphones and then turned to Jimmy.

"Okay, Y/N, what is the most embarrassing thing you've ever caught your dad doing?" Jimmy asked you. Thoughts ran through your head until you got the one.

"Well, there's been a lot. But I think the most embarrassing has to be the time I caught him singing Avril Lavigne while he was cleaning the kitchen. And this was like 3 weeks ago when I came downstairs to get me and my boyfriend something to drink, and he was just there singing about skater boys, it was something I don't wanna see again, and I think if Dodger could speak he would say the same," The crowd burst into laughter and you grinned. You nudged your dad, who was clearly having the vibe of his life to whatever was playing from the headphones, with your elbow, telling him to take the headphones off.

"Chris, we asked Y/N what the most embarrassing thing she has ever caught you doing, what do you think she said?" Jimmy asked your dad. Chris was thinking for a moment before he sighed.

"Is it when I woke you up with blaring spice girls from by bedroom unironically?" You burst out laughing, along with everyone else in the studio. Tears of laughter formed in your eyes as you shook your head while bent over in half. "Oh no!" Chris cried. You sat back up and looked over at him apologetically.

"Do you remember the time Jaeden was over and I came down for a drink, you didn't see me, but you had your AirPods in and you were singing Skater Boy by Avril Lavigne very loudly," You told him.

"And you didn't tell me?" He asked you. You laughed and shook your head. "That is the ultimate betrayal, Y/N, honestly,"

"In that case Chris, you'll be glad to hear you get to finish off this game by exposing your daughter!" Jimmy cheered. Your jaw dropped and you smiled, shaking your head.

"I'll get you back for this," You pointed to Jimmy jokingly and put the headphones on, pressing play on the phone.

"Last question, so Chris, what is something Y/N did but has never told you she did, but you know because she's not a very good liar?" Jimmy asked. Chris chuckled and then looked at you, seeing you were looking down at the pattern on your dress.

"The thing that comes to mind is when she snuck her boyfriend in the window and thinks I didn't see him climbing up to her window, and neither of them is able to talk very quietly, and this is coming from the king of sneaking girls into his room," Chris said. "I hope this is what she's thinking, otherwise this could end up like an episode of Dr. Phil," Your dad turned to you and slid the headphones off of your head.

"Y/N, we asked your dad, what is one thing you have done and never told your dad about?" You froze and put your bottom lip out, laughing nervously again.

"Um...Can I pass questions or?" Your dad looked at you and you couldn't help but smile. "Okay um, I'm trying to think of something that won't get me into a lot of trouble," You said quietly.

"Are-are you implying there's more than one?" Jimmy fake fell from his seat and then got back up, his jaw practically on the floor.

"Maybe, but anyway," The audience laughed and Chris looked around, confusion clear on his face. "The only thing I can think of at this very moment is when I snuck Jaeden up into my room," You crossed your fingers hoping it was right, and you took the sigh of relief from your dad as a yes.

"Okay, alright. So, can we just talk about how amazing actors both of you are? Chris, your new Apple TV series is fantastic," Jimmy said. Chris smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Y/N would say so because she got a boyfriend outta it," He said.

"I thought that the game was over," You murmured. "But yeah, I watched it with one of my friends from school and the ending had me sobbing," You admitted.

"If we're talking about making people cry, can we talk about Y/N in 'One Of Us'? For anyone who has been living under a rock and not seen it, here is the trailer for Y/N's latest movie," They showed the trailer, making you blush, mainly because you hate seeing yourself on screen. "Now, Y/N, you said that on a press tour, getting into the mindset of your Elliot was one of the hardest things you ever had to do,"

"Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty hard-hitting movie for a lot of people, it deals with addiction and mental illnesses, and so it was a lot of sitting down and talking to people who had gone through similar things," You said. Jimmy nodded and Chris took your hand.

"Now, your character's dad, Dean, is played by Ewan Mcgregor, right?" You laughed and nodded. "Did you know Ewan before your roll?"

"Not personally, like most people I had seen him in Star Wars and when I got told that he was being cast I think I went into tears in the living room,"

"I can confirm that. I ran in from the kitchen because I thought she hurt herself but no, she was crying because she was gonna meet Obi-Wan Kenobi," Everyone laughed. "But, I mean yeah, I saw One Of Us when the whole family went and there's this one scene where Dean is trying to get Elliot off of drugs and he locks her in her room, she screams and cries for him to let her out because she's scared and doesn't want to be alone, it was that scene that got me," Chris explained. Jimmy nodded and hummed.

"Was that a hard scene to film, Y/N?" He asked you.

"Yeah, it really was. I think because it's a really big point in the movie and you learn a lot about the characters at that scene you really do have to...I don't know, like give it 110%,"

"Moving on from that, quickly, Chris I have to ask, how did it feel finding out that your fake son is dating your real daughter?" Jimmy inquired.

"Well, it a little more since they hid from me for about 6 months," You smiled and batted your eyelashes innocently. "But I was okay with it. Jaeden's a good kid, I worked with on Knives Out and I could trust him not to hurt my kid. But Y/N's being little miss angry because she hasn't seen him for a few weeks," Chris said that last part hoping you would pick up on what he was suggesting, but as per usual, you didn't.

"Well, Y/N, we'd hate to keep him waiting any longer. Ladies and gentlemen, Jaeden Martell!" Jaeden peaked his head out from behind the curtain and smiled at you, making your jaw drop. You had never run quicker in your life.

"Oh my God!" You squealed as you ran to him and put your arms around him. "Why didn't you tell me?" You asked him, looking up at him. Jaeden chuckled.

"And miss that incredible look on your face? I would never," He tilted his head down, getting his now blonde hair in yours and his eyes and pecking you on the nose.

"Hey! PDA, you two," Your dad pointed out.

"Big Evans, little Evans and Jaeden, it has been lovely to see you all, but that is all we have time for tonight!"

--

You sat in the back of the car going back to the hotel, Jaeden sat beside you. Your dad looked in the rearview mirror and chuckled.

"If I see anything more than holding hands back there," He murmured not so quietly. You looked to Jaeden, who looked at you as if he knew what you were about to ask your dad. You let out a sigh.

"Hey, dad?" He hummed. "When we get back to the hotel...can I stay in Jae's room?" You asked. You avoided looking at any mirrors.

"Alright," He said. Your eyes shot open in shock, you weren't expecting him to say yes. You didn't question it though, so, when your dad pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, you didn't waste any time in dragging your boyfriend out of the car. You grabbed your backpack from your dad's room and brought it to Jaedens, dumping out your laptop.

"That sounded kinda expensive," Jaeden said in concern.

"Let's hope it only sounded expensive because if it is I spent about 50 dollars on movies I can't even watch," You said. You had both changed into pyjamas, yours was one of Jaedens hoodies, of course.

"What did you buy? Because if you didn't get Birds Of Prey I'll be deeply upset," He said.

"You are such a fucking traitor," You said. You both sat with your feet at the headboard. "I cannot believe you. I hate you," Jaeden laughed as you tried to move away from him, but he put his arm around you and held you in place.

"You're cute when you're mad, Y/N," He told you. You faced him with an attempt at an angry face.

"Am not,"

"Are too,"

"Am too!" You argued. Jaeden smiled and flipped you around so he sat on top of you but didn't put his full weight on you.

"Do you wanna smile or am I going to have to tickle it outta you?" He asked you, getting in your face. You flashed him a fake smile, making him roll his eyes. "Fine, I did warn you," He said. He started tickling your sides, making you squirm under him and laugh uncontrollably.

"Jae! St-stop it!" You laughed.

"Do you hate me?" He asked you. You shook your head.

"I love you!" You blurted out. He stopped and looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"You-you do?" He asked. You were scared you had done something wrong, but you nodded because it was true. "I love you, so, so much, Y/N Evans," You smiled and sighed in relief.  "So...Did you get-"

"Don't ruin the moment,"

--

Permanent Taglist; Open!

@rushmannatalia@ellaorelizabeth@supermoonchildbroski @stat89posts​@sadconfusedgirl@mycupoffanfictionreplies@thefaescottage @an-adventureland@rororo06 @xxaamzxx@joycesld@feminist-fan-girl@nixphomaniac​  @our-whitetulips-us@yungblud01@asonofpeter@coolest-avenger​ @stat89posts@supernaturallover2002 @jenniferroseee​ @thecenturyofmusic @roxybefab​ @lexjadeee​

[hearteyesbowen]

start of something new ☆ ricky bowen

what’s worse: accidentally auditioning for a play you didn’t want to be in, or falling in love with the lead actor in it?

warnings: fluff

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

It’s not that you hated school musicals, but you hated High School Musical. You never understood how they could break out into song and dance, or how everyone knows the choreography, or why Troy is so indecisive, or why Gabriella keeps having to leave somewhere every movie. The whole concept of that movie was so odd to you.

Nonetheless, you had to watch those movies for your friends, constantly. You’re best friends, Nini and Kourtney, became part of the cast and crew for your high school’s own production of the show. While they begged you to come along and audition for one of the parts or to help with costumes, you always said no. You did, however, help Kourtney buy fabrics and play the piano for Nini when she practiced her songs. You didn’t have any creativity in you to try and actually design costumes, and you definitely didn’t want to sing in front of a bunch of kids you barely notice in a school day. The only other kid you knew there was EJ Caswell, Nini’s boyfriend, and Ricky Bowen, Nini’s gorgeous ex-boyfriend.

You and Ricky were lab partners for chemistry class. He usually didn’t get the lecture and would always ask you for help with the class work or homework, but he was really sweet and funny. You developed a small crush for him a long time ago, but you never told anyone. Nini and Ricky began to date sophomore year, so out of respect for your best friend you got over your feelings for him and became more than happy for the two. They only dated for a month, ending on good terms after realizing they didn’t like each other in that way, but as friends only. Nini soon found EJ, you couldn’t deny developing those feelings again for Ricky. But you wouldn’t break girl code with Nini, so you shut out your crush once more.

“Come on, Y/N. Just come with us and you can see how fun it is.” Kourtney begged, using both arms to drag you across the halls and in front of the theatre door.

Nini was behind you, pushing your back tiredly. “You’re going to have so much fun! Maybe we can get you a part!”

“As what? The trash can?” You screamed, fighting back at your two friends. “I don’t want to spend my after school still at school! And Kourtney I swear if you keep digging your nails into my arm I will kick you.”

“Try me.” Kourtney warned.

You let out a loud whine and finally pull Kourtney’s strong grip on your arms out. You fixed your scrunched up sleeves on your sweater and held up your hands in defeat, hoping they would stop pushing and dragging you.

“I’ll go one time, and if I hate it then you both owe me.” You gave in.

They squealed in joy and grabbed at your arm again, rushing you both into the doors to the theatre. Nini opened the door so Kourtney can push you in. However, they didn’t realize that someone inside was already by the door. You were roughly pushed into a hard body, causing you both to fall. You landed on top of them, and heard a loud groan in pain. It took you a minute to get past your instant headache so you could look up and see who it was.

“Y/N, are you ok-oh no.” You heard Nini worry.

You placed your hands on both sides of the body you fell on and pushed yourself up, at the same time, feeling their hands at your waist. You were met with Ricky. His face was extremely close to you, so much so that your noses touched.

“I guess I can say that you fell for me, huh?” Ricky joked, pain clear in his voice.

“Sorry about that, Ricky. My friends are absolutely crazy.” You apologized.

You got up from the floor, offering a hand to Ricky. He took your offer, nearly pulling you onto the ground again with his strength. He rubbed the back of his head to where he landed.

“It’s fine, there’s no way I can be mad at you anyways.” He smiled. “Are you ok?” He moved his hand to the back of your head, rubbing in circular motions to soothe the pain.

You closed your eyes in peace, earning a chuckle from Ricky, “Yeah, I should be fine.”

“I’m really sorry, Y/N.” Kourtney yelled, running to you with Nini trailing behind her. “I’m also really sorry about that, Ricky.”

“All good, as long as Y/N’s fine then I’ll be ok.” Ricky said, looking at you with a grin. You shot him a quick smile. You looked back at your friends who gave you a confused, yet cheeky glance. You eyed them to stop making them act weird about you two.

“We’re going to go, I have to help Kourtney dress up Nini as Gabriella. See you around, sorry about falling on you again.” You rushed, dragging your best friends away from the now baffled Ricky.

You brought them to the costume rack that held all of the clothes you remember seeing Kourtney designing. The theatre was almost full, but everyone’s attention was mainly set on Carlos teaching them about the first dance number. You tried your best to hide yourself from Ricky, who you were afraid you would be foolish in front of again. Your two friends glanced at each other in confusion as to why you were being so nervous. They noticed you fiddling with your phone, almost dropping it as you grabbed it from your back pocket.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Kourtney asked, giggling at your panicking.

“I totally embarrassed myself in front of Ricky!” You whined.

Nini smirked at you, “So you do like Ricky.”

Your eyes widened in fear, and you were at a loss for words. You couldn’t just tell your best friend that you may or may not like her ex, especially after you told yourself you wouldn’t like him again.

“No, you’re crazy.” You denied, massaging your head from the pain earlier.

“Y/N, tell me the truth. Do you like Ricky? Because I won’t get mad if you do.” She replied, holding onto your shoulders.

You let out a sigh in defeat, rubbing your temples, “I didn’t want to, I fought with myself to try and get rid of that thought of him for you. I’m the worst friend ever.”

“Hey, don’t ever think that. Look, I have EJ now, and we’re really happy together. And Ricky and I are friends. So if you like Ricky, then I’ll be happy for you. Besides, I always did think of you two together at one point when we were in middle school.” Nini smiled, bringing you into a tight hug.

“But isn’t that weird to date your best friend’s ex boyfriend? Like that’s just wrong.” You argued.

“Ricky and I were just confused sophomores trying to figure out if we really did like each other or if listening to those stupid fortune tellers was a good idea. You could barely call that a relationship. I want you to be happy, Y/N. And if it’s with Ricky then let it be with Ricky.”

“Thank you, but I’m not going to try and ask out Ricky.” You said, looking down at your phone.

“Why not? You know how those boys are, if you don’t do anything then nothing will happen.” Kourtney argued.

“Then I guess nothing will happen, it’s just a crush. I’ll get over it in like a week.” You lied, stuffing your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.

You heard the squeak of the theatre door opening, revealing the drama teacher, Miss Jenn. You had never formally met her, but you always heard great things about her from Kourtney and Nini. Apparently she was an extra from the original movie, but you wouldn’t know.

She strutted into the room confidently, holding a large stack of papers stapled together that you assumed was the script for the musical. She walked up to Ricky and began talking to him, so you turned away. You didn’t want to seem like you were staring, although her voice was loud enough for you to hear across the school.

“Is Ashlyn here? Ricky needs help learning ‘Start of Something New.’” Miss Jenn asked loudly, causing everyone to avert their attention to the two. You saw Ricky’s uncomfortable face, making you giggle to yourself.

“Ashlyn has a dentist appointment today, she won’t make it.” EJ answered.

“What about Seb?”

“He’s learning choreography with Carlos.” Gina replied.

“Does anyone else know how to play the piano?” Miss Jenn helplessly looked around for anyone who knew.

You now regretted coming with your friends to their rehearsal, because you knew exactly what was coming up next.

Nini and Kourtney jumped up, raising their hands and screaming for Miss Jenn’s attention. They furiously pointed at you, and you hid your face in your hands so no one would see you.

“Y/N knows how to play the piano! She’s so amazing at it!” Nini exclaimed, pushing you towards the teacher.

“Is this true?” She pondered, removing your hands from your face.

“I’m not that good.” You answered, shaking your head. You couldn’t help but look at Ricky who gave you a small grin.

“She’s lying. She learned how to play Mozart’s pieces when she was in the second grade!” Nini and Kourtney held your shoulders as they continued to talk about you. “And she has a beautiful voice.”

Miss Jenn raised her eyebrows at their claims of you, and she pointed to Ricky as if she were asking you to help him.

You tried to defend yourself, “I can play a little, but I don’t sing.”

“Liar.” Kourtney blurted out.

You let out a large exhale, closing your eyes and rolling your head back to the ceiling. Why did you have to have such supportive friends? You looked back down and opened your eyes, nodding to Miss Jenn and walking with Ricky to the piano. As you both walked together, you could hear the screeching from your best friends.

“Apologies for having to work with me, you didn’t seem to excited.” Ricky said nervously.

He pulled the piano bench back for the two of you, ushering you to sit down first. You sat down and waved your hands, “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just not that confident about playing in front of a lot of people. Theatre isn’t really my thing.”

“I didn’t think it was mine too, but you might be surprised once you get involved in it.” He chimed.

You looked down at your hands and smiled, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. You cracked your knuckles and your neck aimlessly, something you tend to do before playing. Ricky laughed at your actions, attempting to do the same.

“Have you warmed up?” You questioned, quickly playing different scales to get you ready to read the music he placed in front of you.

“Yeah, I’m all set. Do you know this song?” He asked, turning the page to show the music, which so happened to be the only song you liked from the movie. You quickly skimmed over the notes, playing along small parts.

“This is the only thing I like from that movie.” You confessed, quickly learning the music.

“You didn’t like the movie?”

“Nope, now focus, you need to learn this song for your play.” You laughed, nudging his shoulders.

Ricky chuckled, and watched as your fingers glides across the keys seamlessly. He was amazed at how beautifully you played the piano, learning and playing the song at the same time. You took a small glimpse at Ricky, smiling and gesturing your head to the music sheets.

“Living in my own world, didn’t understand

that anything can happen, when you take a chance.”

He sang, looking at you for approval. You nodded at him and eyed him to keep singing.

“Can you sing Gabriella’s part? Nini’s busy right now and they sound really proud of your voice, although you don’t seem to be.” He smiled politely.

“I can’t sing.” You denied.

“That’s a lie, because I remember I accidentally walked in on you freshman year playing and singing to Adele. You were right here, alone, and singing your heart out.” Josh countered.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you slightly tilted your head, “Stalker, much?” You giggled.

Ricky’s face instantly grew red as he realized what he confessed to. His hand went to scratch the back of his neck. “Yeah, that does sound pretty stalker-ish, my bad. But I know you can sing, plus you owe me one for falling on me. So start at the chorus.”

You laughed, gazing at the music before reaching for the keys and building up the song from the verse to the chorus. You cleared your throat, getting your voice ready to sing with Ricky.

“This could be the start of something new

It feels so right to be here with you, oh.

And now, lookin' in your eyes

I feel in my heart the start of something new.”

You let the notes from the piano ring out, allowing you to take in your small duet. You stared down at your hands, biting your lip to hold back the smile forming. You gazed up at Ricky, who already stared down at you. He had an adoring smile, breathing out softly.

“Beautiful.” He whispered.

You felt yourself blush, so you moved your head a little to the side to hide the flushed color forming in your cheeks. Ricky’s hand softly pushed your cheek to look back at him. He scooted next to you even more so that no space was left between you two. He hesitantly leaned in, you instinctively doing the same. Both your eyes closed as your faces grew more near.

“You could play Kelsi!” Miss Jenn’s voice erupted in your ears from the other side of the stage.

You and Ricky jumped at her scream, bumping your foreheads together. You both let out a soft laugh from the moment. He mumbled ‘sorry’ to you as he rubbed your arm soothingly. Then the clicking of Miss Jenn’s heels rushing towards you burned your ears.

You turned around in your seat so you could face her. The moment she was up to you, she grabbed your shoulders, bringing you up from the bench and shook you.

“You would play a perfect Kelsi! You have such an amazing voice, and no one auditioned for her.” Miss Jenn screamed excitedly. Nini and Kourtney popped their heads up from behind the costume rack giving you a thumbs up. “Please say you will take her part. We would love to have a talent like you in our production.”

“I’m not sure if I can do that. I’ve never even talked in front of my class.” You acknowledged, pulling Miss Jenn’s hands from your shoulders as politely as you could.

Ricky stood up from the bench and next to you, placing his arm on your lower back. “You know, I’ve never thought about being in a play either, and now I’m playing Troy. You should give it a shot.”

You smiled up at Ricky, almost saying yes on the spot as you knew you got to be with him more.

“Just think about it, alright sweetheart?” Miss Jenn asked sweetly. You nodded your head and she walked back to Carlos.

Nini and Kourtney called your name repeatedly, waving you to come over to them. You looked back at Ricky, who noticed them as well. He pulled your arm so you could stand closer to him.

“Before you go, I wanted to ask if you were free tomorrow. I want to hang out more together.” He spoke lowly, hoping no one around you would listen.

“That would be nice.” You respond, sending a smile before walking back to your friends.

Once you reached the front of the costume rack, they both popped out from between the costumes, climbing through the rack and in front of you. They jumped up excitedly as they heard the offer from their teacher.

“Are you going to say yes?” Nini held your hands, giving you a hopeful smile.

“You know I can barely sing in front of you guys. Now I’ll have to sing and play the piano in front of the whole school and more?” You complained.

Kourtney eyed you, “Do you really want to spend the rest of your high school years doing nothing? Have you ever even joined a club?”

“I joined marching band freshman year, that was fun.” You replied, scrunching your nose up at the memory.

“You played the clarinet for half a year because some flute player threatened to fight you after she thought you hooked up with her boyfriend. Have you done anything else that hasn’t almost gotten you killed?” Kourtney sassed.

You gave a large sigh, scratching the back of your head. If you were to join the play, you could be with your best friends even longer than usual, but you would have to sing in front of a bunch of people. But your friends were still right, you should put yourself out there and do something, besides almost getting into fights with jealous flute players.

“I’ll do it, but don’t expect this to be a regular thing.” You warned.

Kourtney and Nini screamed in excitement, pulling you into a group hug. They started to jump up and down, gaining looks from the other theatre kids. Nini was the first to pull away, bringing you in front of her.

“Now let’s talk about that moment you and Ricky had right now!” She squealed.

You pinched your nose in embarrassment, “I thought no one saw that.”

“Girl, everyone couldn’t help but watch you two.” Kourtney giggled.

“Can we save this conversation for later? I want to go home now and finish my work so I can sleep in earlier.”

“We’ll make it quick!” Nini exclaimed.

“Did he tell you anything?” Kourtney wondered enthusiastically.

“He told me he wanted to hang out tomorrow.” Kourtney and Nini awed at his invitation.

“I’m so happy for you, Y/N. Now go home and do your homework, we’ll facetime you later.” Nini brought you into a warm hug. You smiled at her and went to hug Kourtney too before you grabbed your backpack and left the auditorium.

➢➣ ➢➣

You closed your laptop after finishing your essay for english. You lazily cleaned up your desk of all your school supplies. You had just finished calling Kourtney and Nini again after explaining the details of what happened with Ricky. The night was still young, enough for you to put in a little practice time. Might as well get ready for the play.

You yawned, stretching your arms and back once you stood up from your chair that you had been sitting at for more than two hours. You moved to the other corner of your room where your keyboard was. It was placed right next to your balcony door, which was purposely there so you could play while looking out at the nature below you, or the tree that covered your view. You closed the curtains, though, you didn’t want anyone to watch you in your room late at night.

You sat back down, cracking your back again of the discomfort from earlier. The sheet music Miss Jenn has given you before you left was already on the stand: “What I’ve Been Looking For.”

“This song is weird.” You mumbled to yourself.

You spent the next 15 minutes playing along to the music. It didn’t take long for you to master it. Curiosity overtook you; what would it be like if you sang it?

“It’s hard to believe

that I couldn’t see,

you were always there beside me-”

The sound of a tiny pebble hitting your balcony window startled you. You stopped playing, listening closer for a few seconds to see if you were crazy. You shook it off, playing the notes again. You were disrupted again by another rock. Now you were sure someone was there.

You stood up and hastily walked to the glass door. You unveiled the curtain, but you didn’t see anyone through the glass. You unlocked the door and slid it open. No one was on the streets or the sidewalks.

“Y/N!” Someone from directly below the balcony whispered loudly.

You look over and see none other than Ricky Bowen. You sighed in relief, happy that it wasn’t a robber. His guitar was strapped behind him and he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Are you crazy? What are you doing here so late?” You whispered, smiling at how insane he was.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see you. Can I come up?” He asked.

“How? I can’t let you in through the front door, my parents will see you.”

“I can climb trees too, you know.” He laughed.

You smiled while nodding. He instantly started to climb the tree that stood tall enough to reach you. It didn’t take him long until he stood in front of you. You felt instant déjà vu when you remember how similar this moment was to the original High School Musical.

“I couldn’t think of something original to do without disrupting your parents, so I saw you had a tree and decided to be totally cliche instead.” Ricky laughed.

“You missed me that much, huh?” You teased.

He stepped directly in front of you, “You have no idea.”

You giggled, leaning up to his face. He smiled widely at you, staring between your eyes and your lips. You inched closer to his lips, Ricky doing the same. Why not tease him a bit first? You moved your head to the side of his and kissed his cheek.

Ricky rolled his eyes playfully, then gasped. You raised an eyebrow, wondering what sparked in his brain. His hand reached inside his denim jacket and pulled out a singular red rose. Your heart melted at the gesture. You took the flower and held it to your chest.

You grabbed Ricky’s hand and led him to the inside of your room. He looked around interestingly at the inside.

“What?” You laughed.

“Your room is nice. I hope I can be on here more often.” He sent you a wink.

He witnessed the music on your piano, making him smile. It didn’t take long until he also noticed the guitar hidden behind one of your dressers. He took off his own guitar that was still strapped behind him and set it down next to your bed.

“I didn’t know you played.” Ricky pointed to your hidden instrument and picked it up.

You smiled as he saw it, “Not as much as you do, I barely know how to play it anymore.” You took it way from his hands and set it next by your nightstand.

You sat down in the center of your bed cross-legged. You patted the empty space in front of you for Ricky to sit. He gladly sat down next to you.

“I came here for a reason, and it’s because I wanted to sing you something.” He picked up his guitar again and put it on his lap. “I’ll try and sing quietly.”

You clapped your hands excitedly. Ricky blushed as you watched him fumble with his fingers, feeling more nervous to play in front of you.

“When we’re underneath the lights

my heart’s no longer broken.

For a moment,

just for a moment.

When we’re singin’ side by side

there’s so much left unspoken.

For a moment,

just for a moment.”

Ricky strummed the remainder of the song, smiling to himself. You couldn’t help but tear up at the music. He looked up as he finished playing to see your flushed face. He quickly took off the guitar and placed it beside you on your bed.

“That was beautiful, Ricky.” You gushed.

Ricky moved in front of you, holding onto your hand. “Nothing is as beautiful as you.”

Ricky placed his lips at yours, finally kissing you after hours of anticipation. He left his other hand at your neck, and you held the same hand. You kissed back hungrily, and Ricky took note of this.

He pushed you back against your headboard, his legs in between yours. You tangled your hands in his hair. Ricky placed his hands on either side of your body. You couldn’t have been more happier than you were now. Everything felt so right.

“Y/N? Are you ok? Are you talking to someone?” Your mother’s voice from downstairs interrupted you and Ricky.

You pushed Ricky off of your body and smoothed out your bed. He quietly got up and tried to grab his guitar, making his way to the balcony.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just watching some tv.” You yelled, motioning Ricky out the door.

You secretly opened the window, letting Ricky step out. You both silently laughed. He was about to climb back down until you grabbed his arm to pull him back to you.

You pulled from his neck down to you, reconnecting your lips. It was quick, but still gentle. He pulled away, a dazed look in his eyes. You smiled at his reaction.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, beautiful.” Ricky whispered, pecking your lips once more.

“See you tomorrow.” You waved at him before he sneakily climbed back down the tree.

You locked the door again and closed the curtain before your mother opened the door. She inspected the room, anticipating a person on your bed or hiding in your closet. She only grinned once she saw your guitar out from hiding.

“Since when did you start playing guitar again?” She wondered.

“I just really, really like the guitar a lot more now.”

A/N - this one is a more fluffy story , i really like it though lol hope u guys like it !! love y’all xx

[redrosesartcabin]

Self indulgent series: Part 2.1

Life: Part 1

(Kenji x female reader, authors perspective) (the reader is a singer) (also: Some angst in here. I dunno why, but I just love writing some angst with fluff endings xD)

“So, let me get this straight”, the interviewer said, bewildered by the story the singer and songwriter Red Rose had brought up, “you met your now husband, Kenji Kon no less, on Jurassic World as one of the kids who got stranded for five months?”

“That’s correct”, she said. She had answered that very question a million times, but she couldn’t fault them for it: It was an unbelievable story (though she started to wonder how not everyone was aware by now that she was one of the teens back than).

“It was in December of 2015. I was thirteen years old and exited to be one of the first teens to visit Camp Cretaceous. I have to admit, I wasn’t and still am not, maybe even less than before, the biggest fan of dinosaurs. I’m not particularly interested in facts about them, but I definitely was interested in seeing some Dino action! So when I won first place at the talent show of my school-“

“Unsurprisingly”, the interviewer interluded at which the audience gave a collective chuckle.

“-I was still very excited about going to Jurassic World. My parents never wanted to go and in retrospect I can understand why. But you know: I was a naïve thirteen-year-old and didn’t think much about the consequences of the past. What happened at Jurassic Park you know? I was convinced Jurassic World was different and all worked out. Boy was I wrong! We all know it now! But at least I can say that I got, besides trauma, lifelong friends and my amazing husband out of it”

“That definitely can’t be disputed”, the interviewer agreed. Red Rose found him quite pleasant. Although he was a chatterbox, he was still very respectful and didn’t poke too much into the Jurassic World story: Although she was, for the most part, over the trauma, it was still a work in progress and it’s not a time she always remembers fondly. On most days she remembers the good moments she had with her newfound friends there, but sometimes she could feel the adrenaline rush through her as she thought of dinosaurs trying to eat her and her fellow campers. She saw flashes of sharp teeth and could feel hot, stinking breath and hear growls drawing shivers down her spine.  Red Rose liked to focus on the human part of the experience, so she preferred being able to tell the tale of Jurassic World the way she wanted without being asked too much…

 “So, Kon helped you reach fame if I remember correctly?”, he asked.

“Definitely! Though, I mean: I was able to do most of what I’m doing. Teaching myself how to use certain programs. I taught myself how to sing and I’ve always written my own stuff…But I certainly wasn’t good at marketing myself or making myself grow.

Kenji and I became boyfriend and girlfriend when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. That same year we went on vacations for three weeks in the Caribbean’s. And “, she let out a laugh. The camera closed up on her and caught a smile and a glance that looked so touched by love anyone could feel how much she adored her spouse, “I remember how we went on the private part of the beach Kenjis father had purchased. I sat down on a hammock and a guitar and just started improvising and singing. Little did I know my boyfriend -gosh that sounds weird to say now- was filming me. He put it up on Instagram, and he already had quite a following back then, so it gained quite some attention. Though not necessarily because it was a nice scenery or any of that: But because people genuinely liked how I sing and the melody I had come up with. And well… it got wild from there. People soon requested I make my own Instagram page for making music.

A year later I was asked if I would like to produce some music and well… then my career started”

“That’s honestly such a cool and sweet story. Though how about an even sweeter reunion? Please welcome: Kenji Kon”

Red Rose got up from her seat with a wild jump, not as the eccentric, elegant yet kind of crazy minded artist, but as y/n Kon. As the wife who hadn’t seen her husband in person for a month because of the production of yet another movie starring him as the protagonist.

The crowd clapped in awe of him, as fans. She wanted to clap because her heart was clapping too. Her heart was dancing a tango inside of chest as though she was seeing her middle school crush in the hallway. His dark eyes, ridden with depth met her y/e.c. ones and all they could read in each other’s eyes was happiness and love.

This happened within miliseconds, but it passed by in slow motion for her, so she perceived herself running towards him with calm. For the rest of the world however she was perceived as looking like a golden retriever who had missed his owner whilst they were at work and were ready to play.

It was adorable. It was downright touching how the couple met each other halfway and gave each other a long, passionate yet gentle kiss (so that it wouldn’t be too inappropriate for life TV).

“Not to be giddy, but you really are a couple to die for”, the interviewer said. The audience half chuckled half yelled in agreement. She felt her cheeks blush in a deep dark shade of red and heard her husband chuckle in embarrassment. She looked down to her and whispered “Hello love”

 Kenji had, unsurprisingly, had found joy in being actor. Being dramatic and showing his face on camera all the time? Perfect!

And he honest to god was a great actor. Though it did get annoying from time to time that he was casted as either the pretty faced villain or the charming, perfect love interest. Sometimes he was even both.

Y/n didn’t like to admit it, but she was quite jealous at the beginning when she saw him kiss other men and women on screen. It took a big fight for her to admit that.

She wasn’t proud of that fight at all. She had been, without wanting to, been very critical of her then fiancé (it was about six months before they got married). She would call him several times a day when he was on set of a particularly spicy rom com and observe his socials every couple of minutes. Y/n remembers her friends teasing her about it in the beginning and then eventually scold her. “Don’t you trust him?”, they had asked and she had answered, “I do….”, and they knew she was telling the truth, yet there was more behind it.

Kenji soon caught up and noticed her strange clinginess.

“What is up with you, Y/N? You know I have work to do! You can’t call me that often on set!”, he had yelled when the topic came up. He had been visiting for the weekend before he would go back on set.

“Why not? Can a girl not talk to her fiancé?”, she had asked with a sharp undertone

“Of course, you can darling. But twenty times a day is simply too much!”, he argued, yet he tried keeping his tone softer.

“I don’t call that often”, she pouted

“Oh YES you do!”, he put his phone out and showed her the times she had called just the other day. She counted about thirty, “I was nice with that number!”

“And? So what? You can just put your phone on silent”

“Yes, of course I can. This isn’t about solving the notification issue it’s about solving your trust issues towards me. Why don’t you trust me?”, as he asked the question his anger had subsided and genuine hurt showed in his eyes in his voice, “you monitor me like I’m an inmate”

“I…”, she was only able to say, her throat suddenly seemed dry, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I…”, she couldn’t find the right words to explain it. It hurt too much to admit. She thought she had been over that thought pattern a long time ago, but it had returned to her.

“What? What have I done to deserve this?”, he asked, “Why are you even with me, if who I am disturbs you so much?”

And that… that sentence had hurt her more than that ugly thing inside of her she hadn’t wanted to face.

“You fool!”, she screamed in fury as the sentence he had uttered stung, her eyes filling with endless tears, “How could you ever think you disturb me? You are the most beautiful, wonderful human being I know, inside and out. And on top of that you are incredibly kindhearted. And that’s why I’m like this… I don’t want to lose you. And it’s not that I don’t trust you: I highly doubt you’d ever cheat on anyone. You are too kind for that. But I fear… I feared when you are together with all these good-looking actors you might not find me enough anymore. I know it’s stupid, but you see: The past haunted me again. When I was called fat. When I was called not-good-enough. When I read social media comments saying you’re out of my league and I don’t deserve you. Ugly words that ate me up inside when I was a child and young teen. I thought I was past that but I…I…”, now the tears were too many and her words died with hiccups. She felt his form surround her in a hug that felt so warm and yet sharp as knifes. She loved his touch but felt guilty for not opening up about this sooner. She had never wanted to be like this, but alas she had been too much of a coward to burden him or herself with this.

“Love”, he whispered after comforting her for a couple of minutes, “Look at me”

She lifted her head. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips were dark pink, and tears had run streaks across her cheeks. It broke Kenji to have hurt her so deeply, yet he also knew that it wasn’t his fault. It was however his responsibility, to clear this up once and for all.

“Love listen”, he started, “I completely understand your jealousy. But we’ve been together for almost ten years and in all that time, I’ve never encountered a woman more incredible, deeply fascinating and intrinsically beautiful as you. No acted kiss could bring me away from you, no sexy actor could keep my mind from ever wishing for more than to be by your side. I’ve been by your side for almost six years: What should change now?

The monster from your past is, as already stated: Past. Their words were untrue. These people were in pain themselves when they caused you pain. You were a target to unleash the inner turmoil of others. It’s no excuse but it is the explanation. Those who feel they must hurt others are those who seek the most attention and power because they’d be devoid of having a self. I should know: I used to be similar to that. And I had my phase of jealousy as well, you know?”

“Really?”, y/n managed to ask

“Oh yes! I was in rage every time I heard you talk about any of your guy friends back in high school. Difference is I could hide it better because we were apart a lot of the time. I feared you would find someone who had more of a personality than me. I was no longer sure looks would cut it”

“Gosh love”, she answered, her voice love drunken, “you burst of personality. You aren’t just a pretty boy or well… pretty man. You have so much spirit and energy to give to the world. You are the definition of happiness and sunshine. And on top of that you are an incredibly talented man with so much to show. You wield the human mind and emotions so well you can convert yourself to be something other than yourself convincingly-”

“See?”, he asked, “and just like you love me like that and see all that good I sometimes don’t recognize, I see it in you… I always love you”

“I love you too. I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m so happy we had this talk. It was much needed”

“Yeah”, she hummed as her lips almost touched his and within seconds the couple found themselves passionately kissing

Ever since then they hadn’t had any of these kinds of self-worth problems. They’d say I love you on a daily basis and gave each other compliments whenever they could.

One thing the fans found especially cute was that, without fail, Red Rose would comment on each of Kenji’s selfies and comment “hey gorgeous, you single?” and he’d answer every single time, “Sure Sugar. Meet me at seven on your favorite street-corner”

One time they took a picture of each other on a nice-looking street corner. Kenji had called the picture “finally found the street corner. Been waiting to meet this lady for a while, apparently her name is ‘your wife’, which is peculiar but otherwise she seems nice”.

The picture even went viral and became one of the all-time favorite celebrity pictures of 2026.

  After the talk-show they flew back in his helicopter.

They were in New York city and y/n looked at the city landscape with a fascinated gaze as she observed the flickering lights of the big apple.

Kenji looked at her with eyes shining almost as bright. He loved her love for everything new she sees. He had noticed that the first time she had seen the watering hole. He wasn’t really interested in her that way yet. He was fifteen and she thirteen, that makes quite a difference at this age. But still he couldn’t but smile as she looked at the dinosaurs with big eyes. And he loved that she hadn’t lost that spark, even as she got older, even as they came together and grew and changed together.

Y/n noticed his gaze and shifted hers to look at him.

‘What a beautiful man. I’ve missed him so�� she thought to herself.

“I missed you”, he said as though he had read her mind just now. Maybe he had. They had been together for so long they were often able to read each other’s subtle shifts in expression. Quite a beautiful thing.

“I missed you too”, she simply answered, “did you plan this talk show surprise?”

“Yes and no”, he admitted, “I was meeting up with Donavan O’Connor, the director of the ‘Elaine, the one?’ series. When calling Donavan, he told me had been to talking to Ray (the interviewer) and he was casually pointing out the funny coincidence you were meeting up for and mention the funny coincidence, that you’d have an interview with him that same day I come to the city and well… needless to say I called Ray and arranged things... I just had to. Couldn’t miss the opportunity to surprise my beautiful wife”

She smiled at that. A shy and flattered smile that reminded Kenji of when they were teens.

 They landed on the roof of a nice-looking hotel. They had decided to stay the night here in New York before travelling back to Ireland… yes: Yes Ireland.

Most celebrities lived in L.A., but Kenji and y/n had preferred living a bit apart in an old mansion near the coast of south Ireland, close to the northern border. Although Kenji was a people person, he didn’t like the dishonesty and lying in the industry and wanted to get away from that with his wife who thought the same.

Besides: It was a beautiful country.

As they entered the room, they felt peace and happiness as well as a certain kind of tension arise.

Needless to say, there was another kind of reuinion going on that night...

(Sorry about that short ending, I had to heavily edit that ‘cause it originally was a... well... non Pg scene xD)

[houseofsannae]

A Fistful of Munny - Extended End Notes

Notes for A Fistful of Munny that don’t fit within the character limit under the cut!

Please, read the fic before reading this post

           All right! Welcome to the extended notes, in which I go into excruciating detail over a bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter, because I like the sound of my own voice!

           Let’s start with some more broad stuff that didn’t make the exclusive end notes space. To do the Fistful of Dollars homage, I needed a place where I could have two villainous factions intersecting for Strelitzia to play against one another. After some brainstorming and asking for help from other people working on the Entwined in Trine Sorikai zine (and ultimately ignoring all their very good suggestions (Sorry, guys!)), I eventually realized that the Wasteland from Epic Mickey was a perfect place for this story, both in the sense of having mooks to destroy without Strels committing actual murder, and in the thematic sense of forgotten characters. There was just one issue.

           I hadn’t played Epic Mickey.

           And that is how I spent my summer, playing both Epic Mickey games. Both, because I was looking for a good location to set the story in in-world. Since the Wasteland is based on the Disney theme parks, I was hoping to find one based on Frontierland, their Western section. Such a location did exist – Disney Gulch – but only in the second game. Which meant I had to play Epic Mickey 2, as well. (The first one is a better game, but that’s not really the fault of the developers; they were not given the time they needed to make it as good as the first one. Here’s a video with trivia about the series that goes a little into the development.) I also needed to learn the Mad Doctor’s ultimate fate, since I wanted his Beetleworx/Blotworx to be one of the two villainous factions. In the game, depending on whether you chose the Paint (Paragon) or Thinner (Renegade) path, the Doc is either redeemed… or dead. Neither of which was helpful, so I had to invent.

           But let’s talk about characters and why I picked them in order. The short version for why these choices, at least on the Final Fantasy side, is set-up for later. Obviously I can’t go into detail why. Before that, let’s talk about the Beanie Baby.

           Chi is, as I hope you were able to guess, Strelitzia’s Chirithy. I’ve brought it up several times, but I personally do not like mascot characters. There are a few exceptions, but Chirithies are not one of them. Like I said, KHUx isn’t what happened in this AU, so you’ll have to wait for in-universe answers on why it’s a cat now. Out-of-universe reason is this was the only way I could make it palatable for myself. I arbitrarily decided on a gender for it because as a real cat, it would have a sex. Canonically Chirithies appear to be genderless, and in Japanese refer to themselves with the gender-neutral (but masculine-leaning) boku. I would’ve left Chi that way, save for the fact that he’s a completely normal cat now. (And before you ask, no, not every real cat that appears in KHΨ from this point on is a Chirithy.)

           As for Strelitzia herself, it’s hard for me to pick up a character’s voice when they’re… not voiced. Intonation and cadence do a lot for me mimicking the way a character talks, so it’s a bit more difficult when they don’t technically speak. I tried for a mix between Sora and Kairi, while still keeping her defining character traits of being shy, but also impulsive.

           You may notice that while she’s started remembering faces, if not names, the Player’s name and face still eludes her, despite her (canonical. Deal with it.) crush on them. There is a story reason for this, and will become clear once Luxu takes centre stage.

           The name “Jane” was chosen with more consideration than just “Jane Doe” being the standard name in (at least my corner of) the English-speaking world for a woman of unknown identity. See, the Man With No Name actually has three names. In A Fistful of Dollars, he is referred to (by one character in one scene, once) as “Joe”. “Joan” might have been a more clear homage, but I figure Jane makes sense. And as you might guess, in the next fic, Strels will be going by a different name, still not her own. She’ll remember her name… eventually.

           One might think I could’ve picked any old Cid, and one would be wrong for reasons I can’t explain yet. In fact, I can’t explain much of anything surrounding him yet. What I can say is no, Cidney Aurum is not dead, she’s just not related to Cid Sophiar in this fic verse. An unfortunate consequence of where I wanted to put each of them in the narrative; making them not be related was the only way it made any sense, geographically speaking.

           Hyperion on the other hand, I can talk about. He’s one of the Gremlins in Epic Mickey, and… wait, first things first. Gremlins are from an abandoned Disney film based on a Roald Dahl book, itself based on the cryptids that supposedly haunted airplanes and caused them to malfunction, the earliest known written-down mention of the concept being from the 1920s. The film never got made, but the designs Disney would have used were adapted into a second printing of Dahl’s book, and they were later used in Epic Mickey. Hyperion is, like the publishing imprint that Disney owns, named after a street that Walt Disney used to live on. In-game, Hyperion is in Bog Easy (based on the Haunted Mansion), not Disney Gulch, but his name stuck out to me as being particularly fun, so I picked him instead of trying to figure out what Gremlins actually are in the Gulch (they have names in the files of Epic Mickey 2, but not in the actual game, so it would have been a hunt).

           Regardless of where the setting ended up, for the second villainous faction, I was always going to plop down the good old Don. More things I can’t talk about. For everything FF7, know that I’m always going to be pulling from a mix of the original game, Remake, and Machinabridged. Hence, Corneo’s outfit is a mix of his original and Remake designs (which basically just means he’s wearing blue jeans instead of brown). I didn’t think bringing in his three lieutenants from Remake was necessary, especially since this was supposed to be a kind-of small operation.

           Leslie is picked up and dropped from Remake pretty much unchanged. I needed someone to do the murders Strels couldn’t, and even if he’s not a complete asshole, he’s still mostly an asshole. Have we ever seen small, Materia-like balls used to cast magic before…?

           Onto the fun bits, which is the Disney characters. We’ll start with Percy, who is from a Goofy short called “How to Ride a Horse”, from 1950. And that’s about it. The conceit in Wasteland is that all of the Toons there were basically actors, and they wound up in Wasteland if they were forgotten (that’s not exactly correct, but I’m generalizing). This is interesting, since two of the Toons in Epic Mickey are Horace Horsecollar and Clarabelle Cow, both of whom… are residents of Disney Town in Kingdom Hearts, having shown up in Birth by Sleep. So that’s an interesting continuity snarl that I’m going to just ignore.

           Persephone and Pluto, on the other hand, are from an earlier short called “The Goddess of Spring”, from 1934. It was one of the projects Disney tried as practice for Snow White. If you’re about to protest that his name should be Hades, not Pluto, then you’re going to need a time machine so you can tell them back in the 30s. The Goddess of Spring is a musical, in the sense that every single line is sung. Watch it for yourself. There’s a video with better quality floating around YouTube, but for some reason it’s the French dub. And that’s why both of them sing most of their lines. I tried matching the meter of their actual parts, but Persephone’s doesn’t actually follow a syllabic pattern that I could make out. I eventually gave up and just gave her the meter from the start of the short. Pluto’s was easier to manage (and more consistent).

           The skeletons are Disney veterans, presumably the same ones from “The Skeleton Dance” (1929), but more specifically they’re mimicking what they did in “The Mad Doctor” (1933), the first appearance of our other villain. They’re fun.

           The original Mad Doctor was supposedly named “Dr. XXX”, according to the name on his door. This was before the modern film rating system was put in place; it was a different time. In the original short, the Mad Doctor kidnaps Pluto (the dog) with the intent of cutting him in half and putting his front half on a chicken For Science!, and Mickey follows him to his castle to rescue the purloined pooch. The short wasn’t a musical in the same vein as “The Goddess of Spring”, but… the Mad Doctor’s only spoken lines were a song (aside from evil cackling). While I had already decided to do the “Toons that sang in their short can only communicate through song” with Persephone and Pluto before starting on Epic Mickey 2, I hilariously discovered that the game developers had done the exact same gag with the Mad Doctor, most of his lines in the game being sung. (In Epic Mickey there were no fully voiced lines, so he speaks as normally as anyone else does). Which made it easier to write his songs here, since I could just rewrite his songs from the game. I used to write alternate lyrics for songs back in high school, so this was an interesting trip back in time for me. They were stuck in my head for weeks afterwards, but it was worth it.

           I believe that’s everything for the characters. Let’s talk about Keyblades.

           It irks me that three people in KHUx have the same Keyblade. Ephemer, Skuld, and Strelitzia all have variations of Starlight. Now, in KHΨ, there is only one Starlight, and it belongs to Luxu, so I’m going to have to decide on different Keyblades for each of them. (Ephemer’s has already been decided, and I haven’t started brainstorming for Skuld yet. No I do not need suggestions, thank you). Pixie Petal bears a noted (by KHWiki) resemblance to one of Marluxia’s alternate scythes, so that tangential connection was enough for me. Both siblings have flower-themed Keyblades – it makes sense to me.

           You might notice a few disparities in the magic. These are on purpose, and will eventually make sense. And that’s all I can say on that at the moment. ;)

           Oh, yes, one important thing I probably should have said on the main notes: I’m not going for a realistic depiction of amnesia here. Anything I got right was entirely accidental, and I’m fairly certain there’s not much. There might be a story reason for why it works the way it does… and it might be the same reason why other people from KHUx have or had amnesia in the present day…

           You know what’s funny? Although Orcuses look more impressive than Invisibles, their stats in Days are actually worse. I’m fairly sure that this is because the only time we see an Orcus, it’s actually an illusion cast over Xion so that Roxas will fight her to the death. There are no other stats for them (according to KHWiki), since they’ve never been used elsewhere.

           A friendly reminder that Apprentice Xehanort invented the term “Heartless”, which was why Aqua didn’t know what to call them until Mickey told her. Thus, nobody from the era of the Keyblade War should know the term “Heartless” without being told by someone in present day. “Darkling” was the term they used instead. I’m fairly certain KHUx ignores the continuity on this (so why should we trust its continuity for anything else, hmm?)

           I think that covers everything! Or at least everything I’m willing to share at this point. If you’ve read this far, thank you! I appreciate your dedication! ^_^

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Musical Tryouts (1/31/2021)

Please pretend I posted this chat log a month and a half ago when it actually happened, sob.

Valera @autokrates is leaving an audition for Hell’s first production of Hamilton, and runs into Alastor, waiting for his turn to audition. They hang out and chat until it’s his turn—which marks the first time in forever they’ve had a full conversation that wasn’t Incredibly Awkward the whole way through. Hooray for progress.

Chronologically, this chat log happened between this (note: art of extremely hilarious outfit) and this (note: art of another hilarious outfit)

Alastor

Alastor hasn’t auditioned for a show since the seventies, and hasn’t auditioned and *cared* about it in almost a century. He’d like to think he doesn’t look nervous, but he knows he’s reread his typewritten lyrics about a hundred times and every couple of minutes he catches his leg bouncing again. That’s fine, he’s in disguise, he isn’t supposed to look like himself anyway. He can look a little nervous.

When he realizes he’s more staring a hole through his pages than actually reading them, he forces himself to lift his head, slouches back in his cheap metal chair, and looks around the makeshift backstage waiting room. Maybe he can figure out if anyone else is trying for his parts, drag them into the back alley, and mangle them. It would defeat the purpose of showing up in disguise, but it would burn some nervous energy, and anyway he’s already seen one would-be Angelica pin another down and slit her throat. His gaze scans over the other hopeful actors.

Valera

From the stage comes the muffled sound of someone singing, as expected. But the singing gets louder as the voice approaches the door, and it certainly sounds like Not A Musical Number. It sounds a lot more like someone who needed to be accompanied by someone torturing a piano with a series of small hammers. Was that a Will Wood number? Why yes, yes it was!

Through the curtains and round the corner comes the fish supreme, bedecked in enough frills and frippery to lose an orphan in with their 18th century french fashion, belting out lines from I/Me/Myself as they saunter towards the exit with barely a glance for the other hopefuls waiting for their call. Barely a glance at all, until their eyes land on Alastor. Then their jaunty tune is cut off with an uncanny impression of a record scratch crossed with a chicken being strangled, head whipping around for a double take as they freeze mid stride. Holy fuck what was he WEARING???

Alastor

Alastor’s ears threatened to perk up beneath his temporarily shapeshifted hair at the sound of a very familiar and very beloved song from another performer—he’d almost considered performing that one himself, God was he lucky he’d decided to go with “Modern Major General”—and he turned to see who it was with the spectacular taste in music—

“Valera?!” What the hell was Valera doing at a musical audition in Hell?

Valera

It WAS Alastor! They KNEW it! They gasp, pointing at him as their eyes boggle. "Al--" And just as quickly, a hand is clapped over their own mouth, teeth clicking as they clamp their mouth shut. Okay, try that again, *without* ruining his disguise.

They stride over to where he's sitting, leaning in slightly before hissing. "What are you WEARING?"

Alastor

Alastor plays the sound of something crashing over when Valera starts to say his name—the other waiting performers look around to see which props just toppled over—and hops out of his seat to meet Valera in the middle when they approach him. “Do *not* expose me,” he hisses, flinging an arm around Valera’s shoulders. “Nobody here knows I’m the Radio Demon and if this is going to work, nobody *can* know.”

Then he looks down at his own outfit. “A disguise.” Obviously. “I asked my listeners, ‘What’s the last thing you’d ever expect me to wear?’”

Valera

Oh, great, he's touching them AND he's already mad at them for something they'd already avoided. This seemed like par for the course, might as well get through this as painlessly as possible. Valera's face tightens into a stiff little smile, stomach already twisting into knots. "I've got no plans of exposing you, it would be a shame to ruin the work you put into your... outfit."

A slow exhale from the nose, and they force their shoulders to relax. Can't have the other actors see the two of them at odds, they're clearly just a couple of friends running into each other! A funny coincidence! Their voice raises back to a normal speaking tone, all sunshine and cheer as they give Alastor a pat on the back that falls short of actually touching him. "I take it you're here to audition for a part, then?"

Alastor

Alastor wheezes a near-silent laugh. “Isn’t it hideous?” he whispers. “You should see what the full leggings look like, they’re horrible.”

He lets go and steps back. “I am! I was seized by a wild burst of inspiration, and auditions happened before that inspiration ran out. I take it you... *already* auditioned.” Which raises a whole slew of questions, but Alastor starts with the most important one: “Which part?”

Valera

Valera sends up a silent prayer of thanks to any God listening, hands folding behind their back as they admire Alastor's grotesque attire. "Unfortunately, I kind of love it. It's vile, but with a few tweaks it could be a genuinely good outfit."

They clear their throat at his latter question, rolling back on the heels of their new shoes. "Washington. I didn't come to Hell today expecting to audition for anything, I was just here buying shoes. But I heard music, saw the theater, decided to pop in and see what was going on. And hey, why not try out? Didn't expect to run into you of all people."

Alastor

A little tension drains out of his shoulders at the answer. He glances down to idly check out Valera’s new shoes. “Oh, good! I don’t have to duel you for a part.” He almost instinctively starts playing a snip from “Ten Duel Commandments” to underline the comment, but catches himself. He is, after all, trying not to blow his cover—he’s even consciously suppressing the radio distortion to his voice, he nearly sounds like a normal person. “The feeling’s *entirely* mutual. You’re about the last person I’d expect to try out for a show around here, so far from home!”

And he’s not sure how he feels about it yet. He’s been trying to avoid talking to Valera—can’t get in trouble after interacting with them if they *don’t* interact, can he?—and now here he is doing the opposite of that... but they haven’t started another stupid argument. Yet. “What are you doing if you actually get the part? You’re committing to being in Pentagram City on a near daily basis for—goodness, months at least!”

Valera

They don't know how they feel about seeing him here either. It went from being a fun little spur of the moment tryout before icecream into an UNEXPECTED INTERACTION with A PERSON THEY DON'T KNOW WELL. But no, they have to tamp down on the urge to make their excuses and leave, things would never improve between them if Valera did nothing but avoid him after all.

"IF I get the part! I haven't been in a production in years, I'm rusty compared to plenty of the actors here today, I'm sure." A hand waves, lazy and dismissive. "But if I do pull it off, I've been planning on spending more time in Hell anyway. This is just a convenient excuse."

Alastor

“Hah, I haven’t tried out for a show since—well, since before you were born.” And then, he’d just been doing it as a lark, too—something to attempt to keep his mind occupied. He hadn’t actually *wanted* to be in a production this badly since he lived in New York, before he gave up on making it on Broadway and went into radio. “But how many of *them* can launch into a full musical number at the drop of a hat!”

Valera

Right, it was easy to forget that Alastor was old enough to be their dad. Or Grandpa. Probably? They'd done the math at some point..

"Hatched." They correct on reflex, reaching up to fuss with the feather on their hat. "Who are you trying for? Lafayette? I could see you as a Lafayette." They're saying it because of the French, but they will NOT say that out loud.

Alastor

Great-grandpa, easily. Maybe even great-great grandpa if a few generations got early starts.

His face brightens. “Let’s hope the casting director thinks so, too! Yes, Lafayette and Jefferson—the same actor played them both in the mortal realm, why shouldn’t one person play both down here, too?”

Valera

Great-grandpa Alastor, the spryest old man in the nursing home. Eating the interns when he gets bored... That sounds like a typical older Veci actually.

They hum, looking Alastor up and down in his getup. "You'll get the part, or I'll eat this silly chapeu. I've seen the competition you're up against. They're good, don't get me wrong, but..." A vague gesture at him. "Nobody could compete!"

Alastor

"You flatter me!" All the same, he's beaming widely. "But I was hoping that would be the case, what with when they scheduled auditions. January's a bad time for, well, *most* people's schedules. I'm afraid I missed all but the tail end of your performance—spectacular choice of song, though!"

Valera

"Why thank you! Will Wood doesn't fit the show's theme in the slightest, but it certainly shows my singing chops! Though if I'd planned for this audition I might have gone with an outfit a bit less.. *French*." They grin, shimmying their enormous sleeves. Unrepentant in the slightest. "Might. I could see Washington's doughy self in this getup."

Alastor

Alastor examines Valera’s getup. Was that French? It just looked old-fashioned to him. “Well, hopefully they’re not going to judge based on fashion!” He glances pointedly down at his own outfit.

Valera

Another glance at his outfit, and they give a thumbs up. "You've got a bowtie on, you'll be fine."

Oh. Would it be a supportive friend thing to do to sit and wait for his call with him? Or would that be somehow rude? They couldn't just ask, if it *was* rude he'd probably be offended by the notion, but if it wasn't... Something bad. Probably? Maybe they're being unfair. A quick clearing of the throat, and they gesture towards the door. "Do you want to sit down? I've got time to kill before. Uh... *Mon Cerf Rouge* arrives with my ice cream."

Alastor

*Oh right*, he’s wearing *Valera’s husband’s* bow tie. His hand flies up to cover it as if that will prevent it from being identified, and he quickly forces his hand back down. “Well! I wasn’t going to show up to an audition underdressed, was I?” He laughs thinly. Don’t act suspicious it’s fine.

Is Valera hanging out with another Alastor? He wonders which one. How is it that every version of himself manages to get along with them but him? It wouldn’t be so galling if *none* of them could get along with Valera, but if it’s something he uniquely is doing wrong—no, don’t worry about that right now.

His first inclination is to turn down the offer, they’ve had a cordial conversation so far and he can’t mess it up if it ends right here; but there’s a chance they’re about to both end up in the same show, isn’t there? Polite avoidance might not be an option for long. Better get to work on getting along. “Sure! It’s a bit yet until my turn.”

Valera

What a reaction! They will politely pretend they didn't see him have a miniature panic over being seen wearing Pentious' bowtie. Far too busy inspecting their gloves, for some reason. How convenient.

Well, now they've done it, they're stuck here. Though it's surprising he accepted the offer, maybe it'll be okay? If he really wanted to avoid them he could have turned the offer down. They're probably overthinking it. A quick nod, and then they perch on the edge of a seat so their fuckoff huge tail can actually fit amidst the mounds of ruffles. On the plus side, nobody but Alastor was going to be taking the seats next to them anytime soon, unless they wanted to fight the tide of frills.

Time to.. Get along? Polite chit chat? "Is this the first production of Hamilton in Hell? It's a fairly new musical, and I know there's a bit of a delay getting things down here."

Alastor

“The very first! In fact, this production company is the one that got the first recording smuggled down from the living realm! Online there’s a few amateur recordings of recent arrivals singing the songs they remember, but so far that’s the only presence Hamilton has had in Hell. Anyone who gets in this show has an opportunity to *define* their roles in the eyes of the public.” Oh, he’s getting a little starry-eyed just thinking of it. “I suppose you’ve probably seen the original production in the mortal realm?”

Valera

"I did, though that was long before I met you or I'd have invited you along!" They're going to take the hat off, it's very silly and the feather keeps floating around in the corner of their vision. Plus, now they have something to hold in their hands so they can't start doing anything weird with them. Win win!

Alastor seems genuinely excited about this production, he'd gone through all the effort to get an outfit, come for tryouts.. And they just sauntered in on a whim. Thank the gods they weren't trying out for the same part, Valera would have had to bow out immediately. "I wonder if any of the actual founding fathers have survived long enough down here to see the show. Wouldn't *that* be something?"

Alastor

“Wouldn’t it just! I can’t think of *anything* I’d enjoy more than prancing around on stage making Jefferson look like an absolute damn fool while the real deal seethes in a front row seat!” He laughs. It’s not a terribly friendly laugh. “But I don’t know if any are down here. I don’t pay close attention to that sort of thing—and anyway, most *important* people who end up damned either find themselves on the receiving end of a deluge of assassination attempts or else change their identities fairly fast. A founding father could show up and audition to play as himself and we might not know.” A thoughtful pause. “Although I doubt any of them would get the part.”

Valera

"I'd assume they wound up here, considering the whole owning slaves and starting wars thing. Good PR post mortem doesn't absolve you of shitty behaviors in life, unfortunately." Yes. Very unfortunate. That's why they're grinning so toothily. "Imagine if we got the actual King George on the roster? Though I'd rather see Pentious try for the part, personally." There's no way George was still around, he'd gone batty enough in life that he'd probably wandered onto the nearest angelic spear first thing. But they could dream!

Alastor

“One would hope! But no one’s ever sent me the rule book on what does and doesn’t get you access upstairs, who knows for sure? I can tell you what I think *should* get you down here, but I can’t tell you with complete certainty whether or not it does.”

Oh, his eyes light up at that. “Just imagine him in the full raiment of a king! But no. Getting up on stage to have hundreds of people laugh at him for dressing and acting like royalty? He’d hate it.”

Valera

"He'd look glorious in a crown! But you're right, he'd never want a comic relief role, even if he WOULD get to sing about sending battalions after people." Alas and alack, King George ala Pentious would have to live in their dreams. But they smirk, leaning a fraction closer to Alastor to whisper. "But we might be able to get him to sing it privately, at least, and wouldn't that be lovely?"

Quickly pulling back, they cross one leg over the other and put on that cheerful grin again. "What do you think *should* qualify to send people to Hell, my fine fellow? It's a broad question, so we can skip it if you'd rather not open that can of worms."

Alastor

Wouldn’t it be lovely, indeed. He smiles uncomfortably and glances away.

“Oh, skip it.” He waves a hand vaguely. “I find the topic as sanctimonious as it is futile. It may not be for *you*, perhaps—for you, it’s little more than an interesting thought experiment on alien morality—but for us? What’s the good of debating why people should be damned when we’re *already* damned? It’s not going to help us get out of Hell. God isn’t going to take our suggestions into consideration. All the topic does is make one bitter that the powers that be don’t appear to be judging people to one’s personal moral standards—or else it inspires one to assume that God *is* operating in line with one’s personal understanding of justice, and try to pigeonhole everyone one meets into the crimes one believes are worthy of damnation. I’ve run into countless people down here who *don’t know why* they’re damned—and yet they *are* damned, which means they’ve done something that *is* damnable even if they themselves don’t believe it. If people can’t understand their own sins, how can they be trusted to judge anyone else’s?”

Valera

They lean back as Alastor skips one can of worms for another, watching him as he broke down his reasoning. It was interesting, insightful, even if they didn't have much to say to him in response. He was right, after all. For them it was an alien concept, a novelty to roll around and discard when they were bored, just like so many other human notions. But not everyone was so lucky. A nod of agreement, and they flick their tail.

"You're right. My apologies, Alastor, it's easy to forget how... fortunate I am, to be in the position I'm in." A side eye at the other actors, who PROBABLY couldn't hear the conversation, but even so. "Something lighter, then. Have you had a chance to work on restoring your deathday gift yet? You did a fine job with Alexander, he's as glossy as the day you *finished* him."

Alastor

“Oh, that’s just to be expected. How many people have a chance to measure their lives up against the dead and damned, anyway? We’re not given opportunities to interact with anyone but our fellow prisoners and our jailers, and that’s by design.” He’s occasionally side-eyeing the other actors himself, but none seem to be paying attention.

“Oh—yes! Cleaned out the guts and got off the worst of the grime of age. I need to get a few cleaning supplies to finish the job, but soon the both of them will be spick and span!” Look at him beaming, the proud father. “How *is* Alexander? I wanted to talk to him while visiting your place, but his time seemed to be monopolized by someone else the whole trip!” He really did feel bad about that. He feels like he’s got something a duty to Alexander, but so far he hasn’t been able to meet it.

Valera

This was a MUCH better topic. Radios and mutual friends, much safer. They let their shoulders relax under the jacket, chirping as their fins waggle. "I'm sure they'll be as good as new by the time you're done with them, mon collègue. You'll have to show me how they come out. A beautiful antique is always twice as radiant when restored with care, and those radios were gorgeous."

Ah.. Alexander. Their face twists, a frown tugging at the corners of their mouth. "Alexander is.. alright, I suppose. Nothing terrible has happened, and I've been trying to work with him on his manifestations with generally mixed to positive results." They shrug, sighing through their nose. "I think he misses other humans. Or former humans, I suppose. We get along well, but he'll see something and start talking about.. Ponzi? Or his mother writing to him from the" Airquotes here as they squint "Dust Bowl?" What the fuck is a dust bowl? They don't know, it sounds like something a chinchilla would roll in. "And he loses me completely."

Alastor

“I’ll have Vaggie take pictures some time.”

Alastor’s eyebrows shoot up. “That poor man got tangled up with Ponzi *and* the dust bowl? Goodness, what an unfortunate life he lived! But you’re right, he really needs more humans to talk to, doesn’t he? I’ll—“ A pause, and then he says thoughtfully, “I’ll see whether I can contact him myself. If not, I’ll let you know and we’ll arrange a play date. If it works, though—you’ll probably hear about it from him.”

Valera

Contact Alexander himself? Valera opens their mouth to ask how, then it clicks. Right, radio to radio transmissions. Could Alastor reach radios outside of Hell? Maybe it would be easier if the radio was haunted, a bit closer to the fuzzy boundaries between Heaven, Hell, and Earth. Or, Okkylk in this case. Hm.

"I'll take your word for it, I haven't got the foggiest about what either of those are. What the *devil* is a Ponzi?" They've heard "Ponzi Scheme" said in movies, but maybe it wasn't even the same Ponzi! Maybe Ponzi was a normal human thing. Like a brand, they do love their brands... "But thank you. I think he'd benefit from having more than one very alien being to talk to."

Alastor

“Charles Ponzi! A con artist! He convinced a whole slew of people to give him a mountain of money to invest in what he claimed was some post office money-making scheme and that he’d double their money in a month or two. Instead, he pocketed the money, convinced *another* slew of people to give him money for the same scheme, used that money to pay off the first wave of suckers—and rinse and repeated until he’d scammed thousands and stolen millions! Spent a few years in prison, got out and tried another scheme, got arrested in dear old New Orleans trying to flee the country! You knew you weren’t going to be bored any time he showed up in the papers!” Alastor loves a good con artist story. “The Dust Bowl, I missed myself—just a little bit after my time—but from my understanding it was a big drought in the middle of the States that dried out a bunch of farmland. Lot of farming families starved those years.” Alastor loves a good con artist, but starving people are just sad.

Valera

This Ponzi guy should have gone into politics, hot damn. Valera makes a low whistle, nodding their approval. "That DOES explain why he thought about Ponzi, we were talking about the weird political scams my predecessor left me on the hook for when I snuffed him out. Though I think that Charles there pulled it off with more flair than that bird brain ever could have. What a character! I've got to respect that kind of daring."

Probably best not to comment too much on the dust bowl, that sounds like a downer. But, they did bring it up, and if they're talking about Alexander.. "That does explain it. I believe his family was based in that middle area." A nod, and they immediately jump to something less negative. "Let him prattle on at you about his electronics store, he'd love it. The man talked my fins off for twenty minutes about something called a Perikon Detector a regular asked him to order and I STILL don't understand why he was so exasperated about it."

Alastor

“Oh, did he ever have flair! There’s a story I heard about when news of his scams started hitting the papers—all his investors swarmed his offices to demand their money back, he went around to them one by one offering coffee and donuts and smiles, and charmed them so well they *left* their money with him!” Alastor laughs.

Perikon Detector? Alastor stares off into space a moment, trying to dig the term out of nearly-century-old memories. “... Probably because Perikon Detectors were replaced by vacuum tubes before ninety percent of the nation ever even *heard* of radios. What the hell did someone want a Perikon Detector?”

Valera

They laugh, clapping their hands together. Charles Ponzi, was it? They'd have to look the fellow up later just to see the details of his escapades, maybe forward the information to a certain lawyer they knew. But for now, their potential costar has been oddly silent..

Alastor in a state of blank befuddlement was a rare treat, and one that Valera enjoyed while they could before he seemed to snap back into focus with his scrabbled knowledge in hand. "You'll have to ask him for specifics, but judging by the choice of insults, this person had a habit of asking for obscure, outdated parts rather frequently. Maybe a collector? Upcycler?" They shrug. "I still have no idea what a Perikon Detector IS. It sounds like a little bauble they'd use in a bad sci-fi show."

Alastor

“Well, it detects perikons, obviously!” He pauses. Dead silence. “Right, forgot I gave the laugh track the afternoon off. You at least know what vacuum tubes are, right? They, uh...” Has Alastor ever actually learned what it is, *exactly,* that vacuum tubes do. He knows how to use them. He knows how to tell which one he needs. He’s put them in radios. He’s *made* radios. But his eyes glaze over whenever he tries to learn what exactly it is the electricity *does* in there.

“Well,” he says confidently, “they control electrons, you see. You’re not getting very far in electronics if you can’t control electrons.” There’s a smattering of laughter. “Shut up, you’re all on break. Anyway, you’ve got vacuum tube radios and crystal radios—there’s a crystal in a Perikon Detector, see—and vacuum tube radios actually need some electricity to power them—which means you’ve got enough electricity to also power a speaker. Crystal radios are powered only by the very radio waves they pick up, but you’ve got to squeeze headphones against your face to hear it—so not very useful if you want to use a radio while doing anything but sitting in one spot very quietly with your hands over your ears. A Perikon Detector is just one brand name of crystal detectors that pick up radio waves.”

Valera

Alastor's initial joke is delivered, and Valera rather wished it hadn't been. In fact, they'd like to file a formal complaint with the verbal post office, they seem to have delivered an auditory assault instead of pleasantries. Silence reigns between them, oppressive and all consuming like an unjust monarch, three eyes staring silent judgement at the Radio Demon for his awful, terrible, no good dad joke levels of comedy. Jingle the bells on your little jester hat, old man-- Oh wait, he's talking again.

Valera stops squinting, rolling their eyes with a groan. He's still telling bad jokes. Those are only funny when YOU'RE the one telling them, the bastard. But they're going to completely gloss over his evil sense of humor and focus on the technical talk, and if there's a little upward twitch of their lips it's his imagination. Shut up. Dad jokes aren't funny. "Interesting! I'd never even heard of a crystal radio before, humans upgrade their technology so quickly that it makes the mind reel. One of their.. Your? Finer features."

Alastor

Alastor is goddamn hilarious and a gift to the microphone and the world is better for him and his humor having been in it, if we’re not counting those murders he did. “It *is* one of our more impressive parlor tricks! Although, truth be told, only one we picked up in the last century or so!” A pause. “Last *two* centuries. I keep forgetting the 1820s aren’t a hundred years ago. Anyway, we’ve really picked up the pace lately, relatively speaking! I once heard someone say—I don’t know how he knows, but I’m sure someone looked it up—that for several thousand years, the human *pelvis* evolved faster than the plowshare! And then all of the sudden, boom! Factories! Steel! Trains! Airships! Radio! How did people before the nineteenth century not bore themselves to death, I’ll never know.”

Valera

Valera cocks their head to the side, mind casting back. "From what I recall about sixteen hundreds France from my earliest visits, there was a lot of interpersonal drama and dying from preventable diseases to keep people busy. Much less interesting than the industrial revolution. Though the water was also a lot *cleaner* back then." A dissatisfied scoff. "Late eighteen hundreds London was a foul, foul place. Only went once and I had a cough for a week."

Alastor

"Oh, *that's* right! *Human drama!* Entertainment at its purest! I would have been an insufferable gossip, I'm sure." His smile broadens with satisfaction at figuring out what he would have done before radio.

Valera

"Oh don't sell yourself short, Alastor. I'm sure given the chance, you could be an insufferable gossip now, too!" They flutter their lashes dramatically, fanning themselves with their hat as they titter like a fine court damsel. Okay, enough of that. "They should be calling you soon, no?"

Alastor

“You flatter me! If more people shared gossip with me, I *would* be!”

Oh, right. He’s here for the first audition he’s cared about since dying. He sits up a little straighter, ears almost lifting out of his absurd disguise hair as he strains to listen to the current audition on stage. Sounds like it’s wrapping up. “Probably.” He looks down at his printed lyrics again and, predictably, forgets how to read.

Valera

Valera glances at Alastor's paper, humming as their hands rest on their hat. Was he *nervous*?

"Are you nervous?" Wait they said that out loud didn't they. Well, shit. Better commit. "What did you say you were doing again? The Major General's Song?"

Alastor

He's gonna ignore the hell out of that first question. "Yes, Modern Major General—and I learned a couple of songs from the show, more or less. I don't know what they're going to ask for. I figured at a minimum Modern Major General would show I can sing fast enough for the parts, if they don't want anyone to sing from the show."

Valera

If he'd actually answered the question, Valera would have probably accused him of being an imposter. Alastor wasn't known for admitting to his emotions unless you happened to be a Victorian steampunk snake, and even then. A sigh, and they lean back in their seat as much as their tail allows. "They let me sing Will Wood, so I think your selection should be perfectly sufficient. You even went with another musical theater song!"

Valera

Even then, he only just sort of failed to deny straightforward accusations. Kind of like what he just did. "I'm glad I didn't go with Will Wood," he mutters.

Yep, there's no more singing or talking from the stage, they're definitely wrapping up. Any second now.

Valera

It sounds like Alastor's turn is coming up, and good timing on that. They had no idea how to respond to his mutterings beyond pointing out that no casting director in Hell was likely to have heard of a semi obscure avant-garde jazz musician. Which might not even be accurate, maybe he was popular down here.

Out comes the phone, the ultimate distraction to ignore a potentially awkward silence. Better to end the talk on a positive-ish note, considering they're going to be seeing this garishly dressed man on the daily for possibly months. Sit next to one Alastor, text another, barely suppress snorts when the second gets confused about "phish food" being an ice cream flavor. As a fish does.

Alastor

The most recent actor comes backstage again, and another demon calls, “Next, uh... Lass?”

Alastor hops to his feet. “That’s me! That’s my name.” He turns to Valera. “Stage name. Drag name, usually, but as long as I’ve got the hair and the dress today—Anyway!” He claps a hand on Valera’s shoulder. “Tell me to break a leg!”

Valera

They glance up from their phone at the name call, sliding their eyes back down as Alastor hops up. Off he goes then? Maybe not, he's talking now, they should respond--

They make a very undignified BWAGH at the unexpected touch, hat flying off their lap as their whole body jumps. Then immediately pretends it didn't happen, clearing their throat noisily. What? No, they didn't just jump out of their scales. "Break a leg, Alastor."

Alastor

*Wheeze.* He doesn’t apologize but he *does* quickly take his hand back, which is probably as close as they’re gonna get from him. “Thanks!” He startled the hell out of someone and got a quick laugh out of it, that does something to steady his nerves. He folds up his lyrics, tucks them away god-only-knows-where, and strides out. Showtime!

Valera

Valera watches him go, shaking their head as they stand. Well, that's one radio demon out of their hair. Time to go willingly throw themselves at another one! The hat is plucked off the floor, and off they go. Not too shabby a day, not too shabby at all.

[dextervexter]

god it really wasn’t as bad as it could have been but it certainly wasn’t the best. I will say it was definitely no where near as horny as everyone is making it out to be.

so first of all, I’m opening with I’m not gonna talk about the ENTIRE movie but just some parts of it but there will definitely be spoilers

I was right about a LOT of stuff going in, like Macavity whisking away a lot of the contenders for rebirth so he could be chosen. I was also right about Taylor Swift not being in the movie for more than five minutes, I was right about Tugger not having a massive role, I was right about Grizabella being given a past with Macavity, and I was right about the dancing being fuckin bad

I was also unfortunately right about Jenny eating her cockroaches and I literally could not look at the screen during her whole number I was so upset I felt so trapped The Gumbie Cat Number Is A Fucking Hostage Situation 

H o w e v e r -wheeze-

Over all, it was Cats. It was a really REALLY weird take on Cats, but it was consistent with the stage play save for some changes with characters and pacing. Hooper clearly watched multiple versions of the play to try and get the vision he liked the best. He understood that this would be difficult, and he did what he could to try and get this weird ass musical on screen. There are parts of it I liked, there are parts of it I didn’t care for, and there were parts I astral projected to get away from. But if you go see this movie, you will be seeing Cats as it was when it first arrive on Westend in 1981. Original arrangements of the songs are used as well, for example, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer  is sung as the jazzy and insidious number from the OLC rather than the bouncy and fun 98 version. I don’t think it’s awful but it’s definitely not what younger fans are familiar with. 

I think the only issue with the musical arrangements I have was the singing because Hooper once again insisted on having everyone sing live and it really hinders a lot of talented people. Often times I found myself wondering if these people were capable of singing in the slightest. But I think that’s just bad choices on Hooper’s part.

Let’s talk about the Good:

The best part of the film is definitely Skimbleshanks, and not just because he fucks and later kills a man with his supreme tap skills. The visuals are great, this is the only part with actual good dancing, and Steven Macrea has fantastic energy. Skimbleshanks is already one of my favorite numbers in the stage musical, and they get pretty creative with this. It was one of the moments in the movie where I could say for sure I was REALLY having a good time.

Also Les Twins were absolutely a treat to watch. They were funny, talented, clearly having a ton of fun, and played off each other as though they weren’t in a movie, they were just goofing around like real siblings do. I found myself actually missing them when they weren’t on screen

Robbie Fairchild does a decent Munkustrap and has some fun exchanges with the other characters. I also thought Jason Derulo did a wonderful job as Tugger despite not being in the film a lot. He’s self centered, clearly caught up in his own world, and is so obsessed with himself he doesn’t really flirt with anyone or focus a lot on Victoria for too long because he’s just so in love with himself and what he wants. And honestly that is basically just tugger.

The visuals are also really nice. The sets and practical effects help the movie feel more real and bring a great sense of life to this world that is happening right under the human one. The whole movie has this lovely, dream like quality to it, and it helped remind everyone we weren’t supposed to take it so seriously. 

There were also a moment with Munkustrap that I thought was really cute, where Jenny complains she’s just as good as Tugger because she can break dance too. You hear Munkustrap chuckle and say “oh yeah? show me.” in a really playful way and it was adorable, even if it resulted in me seeing Rebel Wilson pop and lock,

Lastly, and this is a big one I know a lot of fans were angry about: Misto is implied to like victoria, but it’s never stated that they end up together. Actually a lot of their interactions can be interpreted as Just Friends Being Pals. It’s definitely not as big of a problem as a lot of people were making it out to be, but it’s just not interesting and doesn’t really matter to the plot.

I liked more of it than I was expecting, especially the little shout outs to Eliot’s original drafts of the poems. I’m seeing it again tomorrow with friends so I’ll probably post more about the things I missed (i seriously missed a lot of the gumbie cat number because i was too horrified to look so maybe i will be braver this time)

NOW THE BAD!!!

This is literally the worst fucking Macavity ever and Idris Elba had every right to be as piss drunk as he was at the premier. In fact I’m pretty sure he was drunk for a majority of the film. It’s very clear he is not having a good time, he is not enjoying the story, and he doesn’t want to be there. Granted, I’m willing to place a lot of the blame on Hooper’s take on the story, which required Macavity to be a greater presence, but a lot of what we see is a clowning, pathetic, loser who is throwing a tantrum because he isn’t getting his way and he’s very very naked for most of it. His last moments in the film were so laughable, so embarrassing, and so unbelievably desperate that I could barely watch. There is no dignity in Elba’s performance, and nothing mysterious or threatening about him. It’s not just 2019 Macavity that hurts this movie though, it’s how Macavity changes a massive part of the story with his nonsense, but I’m saving that for last because it’s a big one and I hate it!

Victoria is basically really bland. There was absolutely no reason to try and make this from her perspective. Like Webber and Hooper say they wanted her to serve as the character we see the world through but she’s bland, uninteresting, and just very boring. I understand their reasoning for making her the lead, as Victoria is a very recognizable character and easy to follow in dark lighting and crowded dancing, but she just simply exists to stare in wonder and ask questions that are answered in songs that she will stare in wonder over. If they wanted to have the audience experience the world through a character they probably should have gone with Munkustrap or something considering he’s narrating a majority of the film and knows what’s going on and can explain things a little better. He’s also a stronger character. Victoria is boasted to be this strong but shy little thing who approaches this new world with curiosity and hope and she’s really not. She doesn’t really get the chance to do or say anything that would help with the plot. she barely speaks to anyone but munk or misto, and it is very much a downgrade from her stage counterpart. Frankie Hayward is a very pretty dancer, but she’s not given much to work with and I found myself not caring in the slightest what she was up to.

This also leads into Beautiful Ghosts, which I posted about before so I’ll just leave this here and move on because I’ve said all I can say and I have more important things to talk about regarding Grizabella. to summarize, I was right and the song sucked.

The dancing is lamentable mess as well. God I sometimes forgot they were dancing. They are moving, but it’s not dancing. I would say only Les Twins and Jaih Bote were the clear dancers because they were pretty much the only ones allowed to put their own personal spins on the choreography. I’ve said it so many times and I will say it again Andy Blankenbluer is a fucking awful choreographer. His work is claustrophobic and ugly to look at. You lose the person in the movement but in the sense that you really don’t care if you see them again. Blankenbluer has stated so many times he feels as though audiences don’t have the attention spans for long dances sequences anymore and want more than one thing to see, but for the love of god could you give us something to look at? The dances are quick, ugly, and the moves are put down before they can make a good impression. He has no understanding of how to define a character through movement, which makes telling everyone apart very difficult, especially since the designs are already so unrecognizale. His work was  atrocious in the 2016 Cats Revival, but at least he had Gillian Lynne’s original choreography to lean on. Without the backing of better choreographers, his work is downright forgettable. 

Now the Big One, the inexcusable and awful part that I hate hate hate: Grizabella.

God I was rooting for her we were all rooting for her. Remember how in the 98 film she’s this broken down, cast aside, character barely hanging by a thread? Yeah in this she not only is given a throw away past where she chooses to side with Macavity for some unknown reason, but she’s chosen as a last resort. Yeah. Remember how I said Macavity’s plot paves the way for the mishandling of a beloved and tragic character. This is it. After Macavity steals literally everyone who is competing for rebirth, after Old D is returned, the Jellicles realize they have no one to choose from for rebirth. Victoria goes outside, brings Grizabella in, they sing memory, and she gets chosen. It is framed in a way that the cats all realize how badly she has it, but oh my god does it come off as heartless, careless and pis aller. Old D has no interaction with Grizabella until this point. The Jellicles don’t really interact with her unless to shoo her away. She is basically a background character for the whole movie. Giving her a past with Macavity was pointless. It never comes up. Macavity never sees her in the film. It’s never stated why she chose him or what she did with him. There is not a shred of dignity in Hudson’s performance, and I fully attribute that to Hooper making all his actors sing on set. Grizabella comes off as pitiable, but not enough to want to see her be reborn. It was downright heartless.

OVERALL!!

I give this movie a 6/10 stars. When they are doing Cats, it’s pretty enjoyable. Not everything I wanted, and some things I genuinely didn’t fucking ask for, but overall it is not as big of a problem as I thought it was going to be. I think if you’re apprehensive or angry about the film, I think you should give it a watch and you’ll either like it or you won’t. 

you should definitely not expect the 98 version, because no version will ever be that perfect, but go in with an open mind and give it a chance. 

[surflove808]

On Destiel and endgame hysteria

Sometimes I get fired up about some of the BS I see in this fandom and this is one of those moments.  This post will be a layercake of sentimentality, disappointment, anger and maybe a wee bit (a lot) of profanity.  So, you know. Back on my bullshit.

The show that we love, love to hate or hate to love, for better or worse, will see it's final curtain call at the S15 finale.  You don't need me to tell you how impactful it's been and how much it means to so many people for a variety of reasons that extend well beyond it's entertainment value.  All it takes is one scroll through social media to get a sampling of the reach of this little-show-that-could and by extension (and because of) it's cast, to see that it's beloved by so many.  And it deserves the praise, and the end deserves to be lamented - but like TFW has said over and over, and to paraphrase Frank Sinatra, they're doing it their way.  For that?  I'm happy.

The show has been described as a "juggernaut" and an "institution", and it is.  We all know the themes:  Finding *your* family, struggle, perseverance, dedication, making mistakes and not always learning from them (but trying), acceptance, the beauty in humanity even when all hope seems lost, redemption, and love... to name the big ones. Now about Love.  "Love" is not threatening to burn down houses if your ship isn't made canon.  "Acceptance" isn't threatening the cast, crew, producers and network with lawsuits if your ship isn't made endgame.  I saw a few posts like that today that had a very disappointing number of likes and reblogs and I'm kinda furious, to be honest.  You fucking twits.

As someone who enjoys the show, and respects the determination, sacrifice, hard work, creativity, and yes - Love -  that has been poured into this endeavor, I don't think I'm alone when I say -  JUST. STOP.  You whining, tantrum throwing, self-important, "wouldn't catch a social cue if it had a $100 bill attached to it and was tossed to you from 3 feet away", obnoxious, divisive children.  

Accept what the cast, the writers and Eric Freaking Kripke have told you?  No... can't do that.  Must hop from one lily pad of delusion to the next and have the gall to be self righteous about it.  And then pat yourselves on the back for being alternately clever, threatening and obtuse.  You're like the Donald Trumps of the SPN fandom.  You're not disliked because of your ship.  You're disliked because of your personalities.  Let that sink in.  No one is marginalizing you.  You chose to do this to yourselves AND your beloved ship via your words and actions.  You sunk your own battleship and now you’re pissed.  

I don't affiliate myself with any ship or the other factions of this fandom.... I don't get it.  I'm just a fan.  A fan of the story, the acting, the tragedy, the comedy, the characters and the character of the actors involved.  I don't know what a good "fan" is... don't care.  But I know what a bad one is.  A bad one thinks that they can take ownership of someone else's art just because they've "invested" in it. 

And I apply it to my own life in this way - Here I am doing my thing, putting my creativity out into the world... and what I create matters to me.  Every little bit.  I throw myself into the things I'm passionate about.  And not everyone is going to be thrilled with what I produce.  Some people will never see what I put out there, but word travels fast when you genuinely care about your craft.  I do what I do because it drives me, and always has.  And I do my best to stay true to MY story.  And the thought of someone trying to insert themselves into my story because they think they know my creations better than I do, makes me want to punch throats.  

And the thought of a group of people actually threatening me and the people I collaborate with because I'm not making their fantasy a reality??  Hey - get fucked sideways without lube, and throw some sand in there for extra discomfort.

I want you (and you know who you are) to have some accountability.  Please tell me in what scenario is your behavior warranted or appropriate.  Feel free to DM me.  I won't "out" you, and I'll never be abusive - I just need to know why.  (bullet pointing this because... reading comprehension)

1.  WHY is Destiel is the only representation you'll accept.  

2.  WHY do you think it's funny or "OK" to harass the creatives on this show constantly when you have absolutely no right to their story?  

3.  WHY do you think that pushing something so hard will get you what you want? 

4,   And lastly.... WHY is this so important to you? 

Can you possibly survive if Destiel isn't made canon?  Do you have other hobbies and interests that can fill your time?  Because some of ya'll are acting like this is the Be All End All of your existence and I'm here to tell you - it's really not.  If it DOES happen, it will be at the discretion of the showrunner and creatives, and I promise you it won’t be because they caved to the small, yet omnipresent faction of Destiehellers that have annoyed the ever-living fuck out of everyone attached to this show.  It’ll be on their terms.

The tantrum strategy stops working after age 4, usually....it just seems some of you are late getting the memo.  Thanks to your folks.  Well done.

Try to appreciate the show for what it is and always has been.  If your expectations are unreasonable and are buoyed by years of manips, misquotes and over-analyzation of brief "moments" between ANY characters, and you feel emotional enough about it to behave badly - it's time for a factory reset.  This show has never mislead you - you’ve bought into delusion and over-analysis and straight-up fiction pimped to you by fellow “fans” probably before you even watched your first episode.  It’s the weirdest thing I’ve seen.  And I’ve seen some shit. 

If you’re going to be angry... be angry at your friendly neighborhood Destiel dealer.  They chumped you to get more *buy* for their *supply*.  Them’s the facts.

That being said.... Can We Just Appreciate The Final Moments That This Amazing Cast And Crew Are Going To Give Us (and you know they will), And Let It The Fuck GO?  

You're welcome to block me (you probably should).  But before you do that, could you let this sink in a bit?  And if you see a fellow shipper being an entitled  douche - maybe hold yourself to a higher standard than they do themselves and don't perpetuate it/like/reblog it?  Because this behavior is well and truly a shitty way to treat the legacy of this groundbreaking show, and all those that are responsible for bringing it to life. 

In other words....Behave.  And have some goddamn dignity.

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right, but my response was so long.  Eh...whatever.  @jessiegail   I understand, and please allow me to elaborate. When I was scrolling through the Jensen tags (because the Dean and SPN tags have been overrun by a lot of people with zero respect for the character/show canon, so I stay away anymore.  That in and of itself should tell you something)... I was also sharing in the moment, and the news and wanted to see some SPN love and positivity. What I ran into almost immediately was, and I quote: "If they don't make destiel cannon (sic) for the series finale, I'll set their houses on fire. You've been warned." 87 people agreed with @moosewncstr on this sentiment.  Now... if it was one shitty person and people steered clear of any affiliation with them for threatening arson because they're completely off their fucking rocker.... that would be easy to ignore.  But 87 people??  That’s really, really bad. What I'm seeing and have been seeing, is a hive-mind mentality that doesn't care for acceptance. Doesn't care if it’s abusive. Doesn't care if someone gets their “feelings” hurt. And they absolutely Do Not Care if what they say incites the potential reality of violence, as long as they can force their ship down the throats of as many people as possible and Make It Canon.  

And by hive-mind, I mean - NO ONE in the Destiel camp seems to have the degree of autonomy (AKA:  Balls) required to rein in the bad apples in their bunch.  They either agree or stay silent.  So, because you can’t self-regulate, people like me with no concern or desire for your approval have to come in and tell you to knock your shit off.  You won’t.  But I feel better.  And maybe others will feel more comfortable to express their disapproval when shit like this rears its ugly head. Anyone who would think threats (just a joke...hahaha), are acceptable, and those who are in agreement can suck it. And i will not roll over and sing kumbaya with anyone who thinks this is ok. I'm generally careful with the headers and lead-in paragraphs to posts that are potentially inflammatory. A courtesy that is not extended by your brethren. You had ample warning that this post would not be kind to asshole shippers. I don’t think you are one of those people - but, if you’re defending this behavior, I can’t really empathize with you.  I also don’t want you to feel targeted.  This isn’t about YOU.  This is about endemic behavior that has become so toxic, it pretty much can’t be undone. As for paying anything forward, I do not owe people who act like this the time of day, much less a kind word. I have 2 choices:  I can stand by and pretend I don't see these things and block, block, block so that I can stay in my bubble. Or, I can take my own little stand on my own little blog and address genuinely disturbing behavior using language of my choice. What I will never do is threaten or abuse any individuals who question my logic. Downside is... you'll get a very long winded explanation. Go, be happy. Enjoy your ship. No one is telling you not to. I'm telling you right now, though - I can't and won't tolerate the bad apples. Best to block me if you're sensitive to the way I word my posts, but understand - I'm not promoting hate or abusive behavior - I'm fighting it. And I will continue to do so as long as I'm on this dumpster fire of a website, because I love this show and I believe all of the creative's, crew and fans deserve some fucking respect.

[the-risen-tide]

OKAY SO, I finally went to see the new Cats movie in theaters.  I wanted to give myself a bit to collect my thoughts, because HOO BOY are there thoughts.  Not terrible ones though...like my reviews of everything else, I gave it a look with a level head.

Because I can’t really review without spoilers, I’m going to put my thoughts under a cut.  Read at your own peril.

Now, I’d promised myself ages ago that I’d go into the movie with an open mind and a clear head.  I’d already seen reviews that were divided greatly on it (mostly between people who’d already seen Cats on stage and those that have never seen it ever), but as usual it’s a good idea to have your own opinion.

That said.

I loved it.

The weird part is, at first, I came away from it thinking that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.  But everything about it from the visuals to the music (especially the new song, I’ll get to that in a bit) and the story, all of it was still sticking with me after I left the theater, and I began loving it more in hindsight than I did sitting there in the moment, if that makes sense.

Cats has always been one of those shows that breaks quite a few rules of what people think a show should be.  More an opera than a musical, more a dance/ballet performance than a story, with a look that allows the audience to use their imaginations, and as such can put more than a few people off of it.  It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but despite that, it’s memorable, and has a great following.  The movie seemed to try to take that feeling from the stage show, strange and mystifying and daunting (maybe even a bit awkward), yet charming and inspiring and heart-catching.  In many ways it succeeded, and some ways it didn’t...and where it didn’t was probably mostly the fault of the presentation.  And of course, opinions are going to vary wildly on it.

But anyway, for those that know and love the show, it’s a good idea to see this one as just another production, an alternate canon, because you can’t compare each production to each other (much less a movie to a stage show), as that’s where an adaptation fails in everyone’s minds.  This one seemed to take inspiration from the original 1981 production and build a new story from the ground up, while of course still keeping the music and songs that everyone loves.  The lyrics of some of the songs do call back to the original production (the version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer used was from that one, and not from the 1998 video and subsequent performances, which I found surprising; but not displeasing, they did it very well), and while I was a little disappointed that Jemima/Sillabub wasn’t an important character as she is in the stage show, I remember Lloyd Webber at first wanting a kitten character with both Victoria’s dance prowess and Jemima’s singing prowess, who embodies the show as a whole.  He got what he wanted in movie form with Victoria, and they took the character to a whole different direction than the original, which was interesting.

So, to sum up, one can see this movie as an adaptation of the original ideas for the stage show.  It isn’t my personal canon concept, but it’s one I ended up liking just as much.  Now, here are my personal likes and dislikes.

Dislikes: The background characters aren’t given as much personality as they are on stage, or at least, aren’t shown as much personality; and with many of them taking on different designs, it’s hard to tell who’s who until you see the credits, where everyone’s named.  You only ever know a few of the main characters, their own stories, and that’s it.  Not even Munkustrap gets named directly, and he’s still got his role as the sort-of narrator and introduction to the world of the Jellicles.  Of course, this is probably a minor grudge, as background characters can’t be as prevalent in a movie version without it going on longer than needed.  But, at least they’re still there, and still lend their charm to the setting, and perhaps in subsequent watches I’ll be able to see more of who everyone is and what they’re doing.

Still, leaving characters in the background also means leaving various character relationships behind, save for the main ones.  Demeter, who in the stage show is still an ensemble character (but an important one for the subplot of Macavity), has been downgraded to another of many minor characters; Cassandra now mostly fills the role of a forefront ensemble singer, and nobody really seems to have anything that connects one to another emotionally.  Basically it was like the relationships common to many of the productions were ret-conned or tossed altogether; the focus is on the main characters.  But again, another minor grievance, as it is a movie, and a separate production, and no production is canon...and we still have our imaginations to go on. X3

Also, personally, I disliked that they made Bombalurina evil.  On stage, though she’s presented as the “good-bad girl”, attractive and seductive, she’s still a beloved part of the ensemble, friend to quite a few of the queens, and protective in a sisterly way over Demeter.  “Macavity” is meant as a duet with the two warning the others of his malevolent deeds; in the movie, she’s not seen until nearly the end, and the song is sung in praise of him while helping him bring the Ball to a halt.  It was a good number, though, and the different take on the character probably had to be there plot-wise...but still, IMHO the character deserves better.

Plus, it’s no wonder why Munkustrap was thought boring by his actor; they didn’t really give him his “protector” role.  The fight with Macavity is taken out entirely.  Again, Munk as a character also deserves better.

Also, Jennyanydots deserves better. X3 She’s presented as a comedy-relief character, and honestly I think they tried a little too hard with that, along with Bustopher Jones; both of their segments were a tad cringey to me...but theirs were the only ones, really.  The music in them was still superb, it was just the way they were presented.  They could have probably just stuck Bustopher with the comic-relief role (as he is somewhat in the stage show), and that would’ve been sufficient.

I believe those were my only grievances.  Now let’s get to what I liked.

THE MUSIC, first of all.  STILL awesome.  I feel like, really, the movie kept in what made the stage show important...and as with musicals, that was keeping the tones of the beloved songs, from the overture at the beginning all the way to The Ad-dressing of Cats.  That plus the impressive dancing.  I could still catch some little bits of choreography from the stage show in them, although mainly it was all revamped for the movie...but they kept the music, so that’s the biggest point (though some were edited down a bit to make time for dialogue; understandable, still).  Skimbleshanks’ number has to be the most impressive, by far.

Adding to this, the new song, Beautiful Ghosts, written together by Lloyd Webber and Taylor Swift.  Wow. You can tell they made a song that would really fit into the show...it’s haunting and sad, and yet hopeful, and the more I listen to it with Victoria’s story in mind, the more I tear up. It’s brilliant.

The story, I also liked.  I admit, it has to be hard to try and make a plot out of a musical that has a fairly bare-bones presentation to it, and is mostly comprised of songs adapted from a poetry book about cats.  There are many ways they probably could have taken the plot, but they did it very well, in my opinion; plus they still kept the most important events from the stage show: Grizabella’s redemption arc, and Macavity’s trying to derail things, straight down to kidnapping Old Deuteronomy and her being brought back through Mistofelees’ magic; I love how that bit was presented, too.  He and the others are expecting a grandiose magic return, and instead it’s off-screen and softly sung, and as the music swells from solemn to joyous, you know it’s just as magical all the same.

I knew that Growltiger would make an appearance in this, but I didn’t realize he’d be made his own character, when in the play, he’s a character that Gus the Theater Cat played in the past...only the first few lines of his song was sung, too.  But at least they kept his appearance from the play, down to the “somewhat-missing” ear. X3 That bit was clever, I liked it.

Also, Victoria and Mistofelees are adorable as heck in this one, can’t lie.  XD

Speaking of the characters, the casting too is pretty great.  Robert Fairchild, I could see actually playing Munkustrap on stage.  He has the same cadence and comforting tone of voice and is a lovely singer. Sir Ian Mckellan, I couldn’t see anyone else playing Gus (he even has a very similar voice to the original 1981 cast member)...and Taylor Swift did make a good Bombalu, if in appearance and voice. X3  And of course we can’t forget Francesca Hayward’s performance as Victoria; hope to see her career expand.  Dame Judi Dench made a very regal Deuteronomy (and yes, the thought of a female Deut has grown on me), and it’s good to see that she got to be in Cats, knowing her history.  And as predicted, Idris Elba made a pretty sinister Macavity. X3

So, all in all?

This movie probably gets so many negative reviews from the general public, because most of the general public has never seen the musical, and really don’t know what to make of the adaptation. X3 This is definitely not for anyone who doesn’t like musical theater, let alone Cats...I feel that the movie was only made with the true fans in mind.  And that’s just fine; not everything has to cater to the public at large, because if you try to do that, it’s not really a passion project. Cats has always been unique, and still is, and there are people out there who very much appreciate the hard work that has been put into it.  The sets are phenomenal.  The CGI could use work, but for an experimental style, it was done pretty well (yes, it’s possible to get past the uncanny-valley looks of the characters, at least it was for me, because they didn’t bother me in the first place).  It shows that they tried hard to stay true to the spirit of the stage show, while also putting something completely new into it.  And I think they nailed the spirit, which is the important thing in an adaptation: the spirit.

There’s a few things that could be changed, namely in presentation overall...they could have used another director, to be honest...but the casting, the music, the dancing...heck, some of the designs...that’s all good.  Actually it’s funny to me to observe how easy it is to make a musical-type movie into a stage show, a-la The Lion King, but how hard it is to do it the other way around. XP

Would I watch it again?  Heck yes.  Buy the DVD?  Heck yes (especially once they’ve put out the full version).  Does it hold up to other productions?  No, but I didn’t expect it to; it’s a movie.  They took all the essential things and rebuilt it, simple as that.

And so, overall, I give the movie a score of 3.5 out of 5.  It’s not my canon, but it’s still good, and you can ignore the hell out of the reviewers, they’re all plebs. XD

Thank you, my dears!

[angrylizardjacket]

my baby’s a public menace {Ben Hardy/Reader/Roger Taylor}

Four Iconic Moments The Press Had A Fucking Field Day With

A/N: 2670 words. So this time we’ve got Modern Times with 70s!Roger pulled forwards in time. Don’t think too hard about how it works it just does.

1. It Becomes Official

The moment they call Ben’s name at the BAFTAs, to receive the award for Lead Actor in a Television Series, you feel like the whole world is coming to a stand still, and Ben’s rising, disbelief written all over his face. 

“That’s me.” He says, quietly, as the applause has already begun, and then Roger’s on his feet, beaming, and he wraps his arms around Ben, pashing him directly in front of the camera that was catching every moment, and Ben kisses him back easily, before turning to you, eyes bright, and he pulls you to your feet, giving you a kiss as well.

“Congratulations, babe.” You murmur, and he’s so fucking ecstatic when he pulls back, and heads into the aisle, heading towards the stage. You slide into his seat with ease, lacing your fingers with Roger’s where he’s bouncing with energy and beaming with pride. 

“He fuckin’ won.” Roger laughs with a little disbelief, and you turn to each other, both absolutely radiating with pride and adoration.

“Our boy did it.” You giggle, and Roger’s gaze dips to your lips for a moment before he looks back up, a new spark in his eyes that you knew all too well.

“I can’t wait ‘til we all get home.” He dropped his voice low, and you could feel yourself growing a little flustered at the suggestion.

“Keep it in your pants, dear,” you nudged him, and he barked out a laugh, giving you a wink before he turned to where Ben was finally walking across the stage. You, however, felt your heart stop in your chest, “he kissed us on camera.”

“Well, I kissed him,” Roger mused, his thumb rubbing against the side of your hand, “couldn’t help myself.” He admitted, still beaming as Ben was handed his award, expression bright and a little disbelieving as he leaned into the microphone.

“I think I just won a BAFTA and outed myself in the same minute, so that’s going to be hard to beat next year.” Is the opening line of his speech, and the audience titters with polite laughter, while you and Roger are hiding your snorts. “I actually had to email the organisational committee to ask them to let me bring more than one plus one, I’m glad to see that it wasn’t in vain.” He laughs; he goes on to thank the crew of the show he worked on, the other cast members, his family, and he looks for you and Roger in the audience, pointing the award at you. “And for Rog and Y/N, of course; the weirdest and best thing to happen to me in a long time.”

“Do you think he knows how much we wanna suck his dick?” You lean over to Roger, whispering under your breath, amused smile on your lips at you look up at your boyfriend grinning on stage.

“Of course he does, look at that smile.” Roger responds with a low chuckle as Ben leaves stage, heading back towards you. When he gets back to his seat, you move back to your own seat, resting your head on his shoulder when he sits down.

“We’re so proud of you, baby.” You tell him softly as they’re beginning the next segment on stage, and Ben reaches out with his free hand to rest it on your thigh, giving you a squeeze.

“I know, love.”

2. Roger Throws Half A Chicken At A Paparazzi

“Do you think we should go inside?” You ask, voice low as you catch sight of a man in a baseball cap and dark glasses covertly trying to take photos of you three. It was a nice evening, you, Roger, and Ben had been enjoying a meal outside at an upscale restaurant, the three of you draped on a two person outdoor lounge, your entrees having just been cleared up. Both you and Ben are on your phones, and Roger’s between the two of you, nose buried in the paper.

“Why?” Ben asks, not looking up from his phone, and you shift a little uncomfortably, giving the man trying to look like he’s not taking photos.

“Hey, dude, can you just leave us alone? We just wanna get dinner.” You call to the man, and he stands, a little flustered.

“So it’s true, you’re really dating both of them?” He calls back, stashing his phone in his pocket, pulling out a little recording device; the asshole came prepared.

“No, we’re just really good friends who make out at the BAFTAs.” Roger rolls his eyes, folding up the paper, and throwing the paper onto the table in front of him.

“No need to get snarky, mate, I just think it’s weird that somebody like her would get on so well with-” He’s cut off just as a kind and beleagured waitress puts down what looks like half a roast chicken surrounded by salad onto the table.

“Fuck off, alright?” Ben snaps at the man, clearly irritated, sitting up straighter, giving the waitress an apologetic smile as she leaves in a hurry.

“The hell do you mean ‘someone like her’?!” Roger growls, and you actually have to put a hand on his chest where he’s leaning forward, as if getting ready to throw himself at the reporter.

“I- do you wanna address the rumours then, Y/N about-” The man starts, but Roger cuts him off with a snarl.

“If this bastard brings up those fuckin’ gold digger accusations, I’m gonna start throwing things.” He warns, and not a moment later, the man brings up the very words Roger had told him not to. You’re just heaving a heavy sigh, used to being hounded by the gossip magazines, though you try not to pay them any mind.

“I could shout how much I love you from the rooftops and these assholes would still think this is some sort of weird, sugar daddy situation.” Ben turns to you, his voice low as he gives you a long suffering smile. You lean in across the empty space that Roger had just vacated to give him a kiss, before turning to where Roger was wielding his roast chicken like a grenade, lobbing it at the reporter, yelling about how he’s ‘sick and tired of hearing people talk shit about his girlfriend; she’s got more kindness and talent in one tit than the paparazzi has in his whole body’. 

“We should probably get him before he does any real damage.” Ben muses, to which you agree. The two of you move to collect your rogue boyfriend as he continues to yell and squirm.

“Baby, baby please calm down; you’ve made a scene, you’ve thrown a chicken, you’ve mentioned my tits, we can have dinner at home.” You try to placate him, your arm tucked in his as Ben’s got an arm around his shoulders, the two of you guiding him from the restaurant.

“Just makes me so bloody mad.” Roger growls his hands on your hips where you’ve got your arms around his waist as Ben pays for your half finished meals. “It’s twenty eighteen, you’d think dickheads would learn to grow up.” He huffed.

“I know, baby.” You muse, bringing him in for a kiss to distract him, hoping to let his anger simmer down a little as you two stand in the parking lot. 

“I just love you is all, people like that make me so pissed-” He whispers, more to himself than anything, but then you’re kissing him again, humming affirmations, your hands in his hair.

“I love you too, I love you too.” You murmur against his lips.

Later that night you’ll see Ben’s instagram story from just before he joins the two of you again. You and Roger, arms around each other, lit by a single streetlight, you’re leaning in to him, lips inches from his, and he’s smiling gently back at you; the whole image is surprisingly intimate, especially for Roger. It’s captioned ‘I’m allowed to take candids ‘cos they love me’.

3. Someone Gives Ben Tequila

Ben’s not usually the type to get drunk and reckless. Or well, he’s the type to get drunk on occasion, but not reckless, not like Roger, who can be incredibly reckless even while sober, nor like you, since you could go either way. Ben was meant to be the grounded one. Except sometimes he has tequila. It’s an afterparty for a movie he’d gotten a supporting role in, it’d been fun, but he was looking forward to being able to spend time with you and Roger again. Speaking of the two of you, you’d disappeared almost half an hour ago, Roger had gone to the bathroom and you’d gone to get more drinks.

When he finds you, you’re trapped in an uncomfortable conversation with one of the editors assistants’, a weedy kid who couldn’t seem to figure out that you didn’t want to talk to him.

“Hi, baby!” You call out to Ben the moment you think he’ll be able to hear you over the music, and he makes a beeline for you, his heart singing when he sees your face light up.

“Hello, love, I was wondering where you’d gotten to.” He says, barely acknowledging the guy you’d been talking to, who’s own expression fell as Ben pressed a kiss to your lips. The two of you head off in search of Roger, who you find by the bathroom, talking with someone who’s clearly quite enamoured with him. From his easy stance and casual smile, you could tell he was at least enjoying the woman’s company. Neither you nor Ben were usually the jealous type, but after a few drinks, you couldn’t be blamed for just wanting to stake your claim.

“Hey, babe, who’s this?” Ben asks, slipping an arm around Roger’s shoulders as you stepped around to loop your arm through his on his other side. Roger, with a sly, knowing smile, looks between the two of you, before smiling brightly at the woman who’d been talking to him.

“Like I was saying, this is my boyfriend and girlfriend; you’ll have to excuse them, they get jealous easily.” He smirked, and the woman looked a little shocked, a little flustered, as she stuttered her way through an apology. “It’s no worry, I’m sure they can entertain themselves for a while,” and with that, he winked at you. Taking the hint, you moved, taking Ben’s hand and leading him away.

“He’s just being a social butterfly, you know how he is.” You mused gently, the two of you flopping onto a sofa. Ben hums thoughtfully, sitting beside you, your hand in his. He presses a kiss to your shoulder, trailing kisses up your neck to your jaw.

“‘m not jealous.” He said, lips at the corner of yours, pressing another kiss there before he brings his hand up to cup your cheek, moving so you’re smiling over your shoulder at him, “it’s just nice to say you guys are mine.” And his voice is low, almost a growl, and you feel a shiver run down your spine.

“I like the sound of that.” You tell him, kissing him hard, letting his hands wander and pull you close to him.

“Mine?” He asks, and his hand is on your thigh, moving your legs so you’re sitting over him rather than next to him.

“Yours.” You agree, kissing him again, messy and passionate, you can taste the alcohol on his lips and his tongue but you don’t care when he’s leaning you back to lie on the sofa. “And Roger’s.” You add quietly, and there’s a gleam in Ben’s eyes where he’s looking down at you, his arm around you, one hand on your waist.

“You’re ours, love, there’s no doubt about it.” He assures, and he leans in to kiss you again. 

“I can’t take you two anywhere!” Roger’s grinning when he finds the two of you, and Ben presses his laughter into your collar as you look up at Roger and make an insistent, grabby hand for him. “If you insist.” He chuckles, sinking to his knees to join you at your level, kissing you where you’re splayed out on the sofa, with Ben all but on top of you. “You know there’s a perfectly good bathroom not too far from here.” 

Not ten minutes later, one of the other cast members sends to the cast group chat, in all capitals ‘BEN’S BANGING IN THE BATHROOM’ which was met with either ‘at least they’ve freed up the sofa’ or ‘lmao called it’. You’re not surprised, nor are you ashamed, when some gossip rag has your face on it (or more accurately, Ben’s face) the next morning, and a riveting account of what happened with no actual details, and a photo someone took on their phone of you and Ben on the sofa. It wasn’t the first time, it probably wouldn’t be the last.

4. Roger Gets Instagram

Roger takes surprisingly well to instagram, which is both hilarious and terrifying. He posts a lot of selfies; he takes to being an instagram fuckboi like a duck takes to water. At first it’s mostly blurry shots, of sunlight, sometimes it’s you and Ben out of focus, laughing, or he gets one of you two to take a photo of him, shirtless. 

When he gets a waterproof phone, the first thing he does is take a photo of you and he kissing underwater at the beach, and then three separate, all individually hilarious videos of Ben trying and failing to do a majestic hair flip coming out of the water; in the last one, both boys get hit by a huge wave, and the video ends with you laughing, fishing the phone out of the surf.

The three of you go on holidays to somewhere sunny, and at the end of the week, he posts the highlights; you lying on your stomach beneath a palm tree on the beach, topless; a selfie of the three of you smiling at the camera against a backdrop of a starlit sky, golden in the light of a bonfire; Ben in a coconut bra, a little blurry with the movement of laughter, grinning at you just out of shot; you, in bed, making a truly terrible face where he’s just woken you up and the sun’s in your eyes. His favourite, however, is the one from him at the end of the holiday, shirtless and tanned, shot from the waist up, biting his lip as he’s turned to look off to the left, showing off how he’s covered in hickies.

The shots that get the most media attention are his more risque ones, like the shot on his story that you’d taken where you could see the bottom half of his face all the way down to his hips, with a sheet covering his modesty, but a lipstick kiss mark along his V-line and his tongue out. (There’s a followup photo on your instagram story, of your lipstick smeared, grin wide, and your hair messy, with the caption, ‘sometimes you just gotta be a messy bitch’, and people put two and two together, and conservatives lost it.) 

The most infamous actual post of his is the shot of you and Ben together in bed, he’s leaning against the headboard, still mostly laying down, and you’re draped over him, chin resting on his chest where the two of you are grinning about something. The sheet covers most of your ass, and comes up to Ben’s hips, and you’re giving the camera some pretty glorious side boob, and the photo’s framed to show room for one more person beside you in the bed, a sliver of sunlight shining through the curtains, across Ben’s chest and your back, and it’s just captioned ‘what a sight’. He’d asked you both before posting it, and you’d both agreed; it didn’t violate any guidelines, but social media still had a field day with the sweet, clearly post-coital photo.

[ethanlivemere]

Nobody asked, but here’s my opinion on the CATS-trailer

So it’s been about three months since the CATS-trailer came out and somehow I thought NOW would be a good time to express my opinion on it. It’s quite controversial, but have you ever wanted to hear what a long-time hardcore CATS-fan who has been wanting a CATS-movie for years thinks about it? Probably not, but I went and made this very long post anyway.

1)      Cast

Can’t spell ‘cats’ without ‘cast’ and there’s some big names in the list of actors they’ve released. Some are excellent choices, some are more… questionable.

Ian McKellen as Gus: Now this is something that makes me profoundly happy. Sir McKellen honestly seems perfect for the role, I mean, he practically IS Gus the Theatre Cat (maybe a little younger, and less feline). Great choice, looking forward to it. Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy: Now here’s one of the more questionable ones. I love dame Dench, that isn’t the problem; it’s just that Old D is supposed to be a large, old, deep-voiced male cat, and dame Dench only fits one of those characteristics. Of course, they could very well change Old Deuteronomy to be the matriarch of the tribe rather than the patriarch, and that would probably be fine. I’m more worried about whether Old D’s singing parts (like The Ad-dressing of Cats) would work as well with a higher, female voice. And of course, they would have to do tweaks to the song Old Deuteronomy itself, and ‘Old Deuteronomy’s buried nine husbands’ doesn’t sound that great. Idris Elba as Macavity: Here’s one that I’m very interested in. I think they might give Macavity a larger role in the film, which is a big ‘heck yeah’ for me, and Elba seems like he could portray the Napoleon of Crime like the menacing figure it’s supposed to be very well. I look forward to both the portrayal, and what the writers do with him. Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: There’s an old saying that goes: “a CATS-performance is only as good as its Grizabella”. Will this one be any good? I don’t know, we’ll have to see. The bits of Memory we have heard so far sound decent, although nothing will ever top Elaine Paige for me (as you will notice further in this post, I’m a bit of a ‘1998 video version’-purist) It should be noted that her design doesn’t look a whole lot like Grizabella, but that’s a different category. As long as she can deliver a Memory that almost makes me cry, then it’s fine. James Corden as Bustopher Jones: I know a lot of people hate Corden, but I personally don’t mind him. He’s okay in my opinion (I have never seen his late night show, so that might be the reason). Whether he’ll be able to pull of BJ’s almost opera-like singing is something we’ll have to wait and see, because I very much doubt he did the singing in One Chance himself. Taylor Swift as Bombalurina: I have no idea how this will turn out. She can certainly sing (something we can’t say for sure about a lot of other cast members) but I have no idea if she’ll make a good Bomba. Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots: I’ll go ahead and say it: I wasn’t too fond of the Jennyanydots bits in the trailer. They were a bit too slapstick-y for my likes, and Rebel Wilson isn’t exactly known for subtle humor. Once again, we’ll see how it turns out. Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger: Recent CATS-productions have been changing the classic RTT we know and love to some sort of rapper abomination, and many fans (including myself, as you may notice by that wording) don’t like it. It’s unclear which version the movie will be going for: Derulo certainly resembles the rapper version more, but what we saw in the trailer looks like neither, though slightly leaning towards the classic version. Let’s hope we don’t have to hear RTT rap his own song. Ray Winstone as Growltiger: Look, I have never seen or heard of Ray Winstone, but just seeing Growltiger on the cast list fills me with profound happiness, because that’s the one big complaint I have about my beloved 1998 video version: no Growltiger. Hurray for Growltiger’s return!

That’s the main ones I wanted to discuss. Munkustrap seems unimportant in the trailer (we’ll get to that in a bit) so I won’t discuss him. Victoria mainly just has to be a good dancer, and Francesca Hayward seems to be just that, so no further comment (though more on Victoria later).

2)      Character design

Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room: the CGI. Yes, some of the characters make me very uncomfortable. Yes, I hope they change some things before the final product. But what I want to discuss is the designs themselves.

First of all: head shapes. Apart from some exceptions (Grizabella, Old D, Gus) all cats seem to have a human shape of head, and this bothers me. Usually, Cassandra stands out by her head shape, and so do Cori and Tanto, but here they all have that shape. Usually, RTT has a very wide head to go with his mane, but here? This is my biggest problem with RTT in this trailer (ignoring the threat of rapper-Tugger): the combination of his thin head, kind of small mane and completely different colors make him barely recognizable as Tugger. Many cats look very different: Old D, even ignoring the fact that it’s a woman now, has completely different colors. The same goes for Bombalurina. Maybe this is the ‘don’t you dare change anything’-fanboy side of me talking, but in cases where fur color is the only way to recognize a character, this is a big deal. Macavity also looks completely different, although cool. The hat looks be a bit weird on him though. Also Mistoffelees has black patches on his eyes, not sure how I feel about that.

Overall, the awkward CGI and many changes make character design one of the things I’m less happy about, but oh well.

3)      Sets & backgrounds

I think the backgrounds look gorgeous, although some are very obviously CGI (here we are at the CGI again). But there’s one problem: CATS takes place on a junkyard. I know, obviously they would want to expand a little in the film and include more different settings, and I completely agree: I would’ve been disappointed if they hadn’t. The problem is that I haven’t seen a single junkyard in the trailer. We see streets, a theater, a fancy house, a square, a graveyard, a bar… but no junkyard. Some shots may look like they’re on a junkyard, but trust me: they’re either in the theater, graveyard, or the alley at the back of Bustopher’s favorite club. Again, this is basically me going ‘they changed something reeee’, but come on. It’s like if the Les Mis movie was set in Italy. Tom Hooper, do me a favor and include at least ONE scene on a junkyard.

4)      Story

The musical is, much like Les Mis, 100% singing and talking with music accompaniment, and 0% regular dialogue. From the line said by Victoria at the end of the trailer, we know that they won’t do like Les Mis and completely sing the movie, and I’m perfectly fine with that. CATS’ story has always been a bit unclear for a casual patron who doesn’t know the lyrics and deep lore of the musical, so I’m glad they’re putting in some regular dialogue. If anything, it’ll give us a chance to see the Jellicles’ personalities better.

But speaking of Victoria: it seems like she and Mistoffelees will be the main characters in the movie. This is odd, but understandable. CATS doesn’t have a clear main character. You could say it’s Grizabella, but she’s only in a couple of scenes. You could say it’s Munkustrap, although he is regarded more as the narrator than the main character. However, the trailer has a disappointingly small amount of Munk, and his name is very low on the IMDB cast list. The same goes for Skimbleshanks, who I’m not sure if he’s in trailer at all (unless he’s the cat with the pants) and is even lower on the list than Munkustrap, plus there are no trains or train stations in the trailer. Odd.

Anyway, back to Misto and Vic. Normally, Victoria’s only role is performing a couple of amazing ballet routines, but that doesn’t seem to be case here. I personally would’ve picked Jemima over Victoria as a main character, but I guess her design isn’t as easily recognizable as Victoria’s (have I mentioned how many of the cats look pretty much the same in this version?)

Someone who also seems to have a much larger role is Bustopher. Normally he only appears during his own song, but here he seems to be a more general presence. We’ll see how that works out.

Anyway, if Munkustrap is reduced to just being the cat who sings about the Old Gumbie Cat and maybe Old Deuteronomy, I’ll be mad. (AND THEY BETTER NOT REMOVE HIS FIGHT OVER DEMETER WITH MACAVITY OR I’LL BE VERY MAD) Speaking of Demeter, she’s also very absent in the trailer and low on the cast list. Guess they made Bombalurina more prominent because they got a big name to play her.

5)      Background characters (specifically Tumblebrutus)

As I said in the previous bit, it looks like many characters will be reduced to minor characters, so cats who already were background characters in the musical (like my boy Tumblebrutus) will probably have very little time to shine. I guess that’s inevitable, but I hope they at least make an effort to include the various background characters rather than replace them with generic OC’s. Luckily, I already recognized Pouncival in the background of one of the shots, so there’s hope. But if they don’t include my boy, my all-time favorite Jellicle, the best character in CATS, known as Tumblebrutus, then I’ll be even more mad than if they remove the Munk vs. Mac fight. He’s not on the IMDB list (unless he’s one of the ‘ensemble’ characters) but neither is Pounce and I definitely saw him so fingers crossed I can spot Tumbles when I watch this movie.

Conclusion

Am I excited for this movie? Heck yeah! Am I scared this movie might turn out shit? Heck yeah! There’s really no telling how good this will be (a lot depends on whether the final product has better CGI cats), but I think my viewing experience will be a mix of “Oh my god I’ve been waiting so long for a CATS movie oh look I recognize that character this is awesome oh here comes my favorite song I literally know this entire 2 hour musical by heart” and “Oh my god what is this RTT design where is Tumblebrutus why is there no junkyard why did they slightly alter this one lyric why isn’t this EXACTLY like the 1998 video version I love so much when I get home I’m just gonna watch that version again it’s much better anyway”.

Yours sincerely,

Ethan Livemere, certified CATS-expert and Tumblebrutus fanboy

[vspideycaptain]

The Real War (Part 4)

Reader x Tom Holland x Chris Evans (not a 3-way)

A/N: You’re a newer member of the MCU as you were and actor cast in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3. Through the shooting process you have come to know the other actors in the MCU and some have even taken an extra liking to you… You find yourself in a love-triangle with Tom Holland and Chris Evans and all the secrets break out at the MCU Reunion party hosted by RDJ. Oh and it’s a karaoke party!

Jake and Jacob spill the beans in their overly intoxicated state and Chris and Tom are furious. THE CLIMAX

Warnings: Angst, as usual. Alcohol and Cursing.  WORD COUNT: 1,748 I don’t not own gifs

-----------------

On my way back to the bar for an inevitable second Gin and Tonic I caught a sight I for some reason wasn’t expecting to see. Chris and Tom together. Talking.

I hadn’t necessarily expected Chris to stay where I left him and same with Tom but what I hadn’t expected was for them to find each other in the same group with Jacob and Jake. They were all laughing together as casual as could be which in a way both eased my anxieties and heightened them even more. I found Zendaya at the bar getting refills for what looks like her and Tom as she lifted a beer and a martini from the counter. I met her before she could walk back. “Um. How did that happen?” I asked as and although I might have startled her she caught on to what I was about pretty quickly. “There you are!” She started, “Evans said you nipped to the bathroom! He uh came over to Tom, Jacob, and I shortly after you left him I think. Everything seems fine though! They both seem good.” She reassured me as I looked over at the group of boys all roared over something Jacob had said. “Yeah… No wait for me!” I said stopping her from leaving without me and ordered my second drink.

“I mean this will be fine right?” I asked her, “Like they’re both friends and I’m sure either of them won’t make a move on me in front of the other considering both relation-“ I didn’t want to put that word on either of whatever was going on with either of them and I tried again, “Considering that whatevers going on between me and either of them is hardly out in the open naturally.” Zen nodded in agreement and asked me how my interaction with Chris had gone before and I filled her in. “Wow… (Y/N) I have to say if there is one thing you can get out of tonight, neither of them are playing around. They’re both definitely into you.” She took a sip of her martini before finishing, “How are you feeling? Any other realizations?”

My drink was finally delivered but neither of us made our way back to group right away, giving myself the chance to answer her question. “To be honest everything has just confirmed how I already felt about the both of them. Tom made me laugh at his silliness even after just one drink and then gave me butterflies when he said that he was happy to see me and hell I am so attracted to him.. with the way he well… looks… he looks so sexy tonight.” I took a deep breath after my rambling and sipped away at the gin again before continuing while Zen was potentially holding hers and Tom’s drink. “But Chris… Well.. Fuck! He made me laugh too when he made fun of me and then butterflies flipped throughout my stomach whenever he looked at me and I was so turned on from just his finger playing at my wrist that I had to leave before I lost myself!”

I huffed violently in annoyance as I turned to my drink again and Zendaya gave me a caring look before gesturing to head over to the guys. She didn’t even have to articulate her advice. I knew that the next step was to get back into the party to see what would happen next. As we approached Z darted straight for Tom with his third drink and I absent-mindedly followed at her heels again. “What took so long?” he asked clearly a little more intoxicated since that last time I had seen him. He had been trying to slim down for his next spidey movie so he his alcohol tolerance was much lower than I think he was used to. After he asked his question Zendaya answered him, “Girls stuff. Nothing to worry about.” And she stepped aside and revealed me standing behind her and he practically let out an audible ‘Oh’ as my presence surprised him and put the widest smile on his face. “Oh okay, no biggie!” He said changing his attitude as I took my spot in the circle of people.

It was my plan to put myself between Jacob and Jake but they were too busy putting their arms around each other like a bunch of goofballs pretending to be looking up at the stars together, even though they were inside and could only see the various colored lights flash on the ceiling. Zendaya giggled at their silliness as Tom and Chris put their focus on me as I took my place hesitantly between the two of them. “You alright?” Chris shouted over Mark Ruffalo sing-yelling Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money. I glanced over at Ruffalo for a split second to buy myself more time before answering and by doing so I caught Tom giving me a very obvious worried look. I clearly wasn’t being a good actress in this moment. The both could tell something was up with me.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine!” I started then raised my volume so the whole group could hear, “I just can’t decide what I’m going to sing?” That was only half a lie. That might not have been what I was worrying about in the moment but it was something in the back of my mind. This was a karaoke party after all. Jake and Jacob snapped out of their games and weighed in on the conversation. “You? You’re gonna sing?” Jacob blurted out, it was now clear to me that he was nearly obliterated from the alcohol at this point. “Yes… I sing… Just not confidently….” I said half in defense and half in embarrassment. Jake drops his jaw like this was the biggest news he’s ever heard. “WHAT? You HAVE to sing! What are you gonna sing?” He asked as he wobbled a little, he was undoubtably on the same level as Jacob.

I laugh shaking my head at the two of them, “I don’t know… I just said that.” And when I finished instinctually turned to Chris to get his reaction. I watched as he had one hand over his eyes laughing to himself when I felt a hand on the other side of me, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen out of my pony tail behind my ear. I followed the hand and up the arm to find it was Tom’s hand. I couldn’t help but get those goosebumps again, every time he did something like this, something so careful and sweet it made my heart jump but then I remembered that Chris was right behind me. He cleared his throat and even though Tom hadn’t noticed that he did he took his hand away from my face but then said, “You’ll sound beautiful no matter what you sing.”

My mouth was slowly going agape as I had no idea what to do next. If I should just let whatever happens happen to see where else Tom was going to go and to see what Chris might do if Tom tried to make another move. But all our attention snapped at Jacob again, “Of course you’re gonna say that, Tommy! You’re in love with her!”

“What!” I nearly yelled but then remembered our surroundings, many other people at this party could have heard him. “What?” Tom said through clenched teeth and shortly after Chris echoed, “Yeah what?” He had a twinge of anger too but he must have still been trying to keep his emotions under wraps. But then out of nowhere Jake chimes in and points to Evans, “What to you mean what? You’re in love with her too!” And at this I swear my jaw was on the floor. It was Zendaya’s turn, “What?!” She spat out giving the two of them the searing stare I would be giving them if my head wasn’t spinning. Tom set his beer down hard on the table, “Come again?” His tone clearly reaching a new height thickening his posh accent and looking over at Chris who hadn’t done anything since Jacob spoke but look between Tom and me.

“Did Jacob say you’re in love with her, Holland? I knew it!” Chris finally spoke, his chest puffed out and taking as swig of his scotch and soda. Tom crossed his arms, “I-I-I like her a lot! I but-“ He took in a deep breath before raising his volume over the sound of Chadwick Boseman and Jeremy Renner doing a duet to Summer Loving from Greese, “REWIND- YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HER?” Tom was furious and Chris was getting all worked up himself. He finally looked down at me contemplating his answer to Tom. He could easily lie but in that one quick glance down at me he broke. “Possibly, yeah…” He said still to me before turning back to Tom, yelling too, “Yeah! WHAT’S IT TO YOU?”

I swear I could feel the group opening up and swallowing me in, or at least that’s what I was wishing for in this moment. I caught a glimpse at Zendaya who was looking around noticing that some people near by like Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Olsen, Chris Hemsworth, Paul Rudd and others. She smiled at them trying to play it off like they were joking around. I hoped to God no one could actually hear what they were saying to each other. I stepped back as the continued to size each other up. Tom saying things like, “Aren’t you a little old, grandpa?” and Chris saying, “You’re just a kid, what do you know! She needs a man!”

Just then, when I thought the world was ending I was somewhat saved by RDJ. He tapped on the microphone from the stage before speaking and getting everyone’s attention. “Hi everyone! I hope you’re all having a wonderful time… BUT! A little birdie told me that there is a certain someone who wants to sing but hasn’t had the chance to yet…” I look over to the stage to find that Jacob and Jake had ran away from the mess they had made and gotten Robert to create this diversion. “(Y/N) (L/N) … Will you please grace us with you’re talents on the stage?” Everyone started to clap and so I had no other choice but to get up there and hope that neither of the boys punch each other while I performed.

To Be Continued.... (Part 5/Finale)

[stevieang]

May I Have This Dance?

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston RPF x Plus-Size Reader Insert

Word Count: 2100

Warnings: If too much sweet fluffiness isn’t your thing, then keep on going.  This is full-on no-holds-barred fluff.

Tags:   @3dsaunt  @andiyholly  @averyrogers83  @babybluesunsets @bettercallsabs @brittyevans  @brookebarnes @captain-rogers-beard @cecygee​   @csrfavs​   @docharleythegeekqueen​  @dorito-distractions​  @everythingisoverrated​  @fabicchi​  @favhearts​  @flawless-disaster​  @gifsbysimplysonia​ @hazeleyedgirl7​   @hennessy0274-blog​ @inumorph​ @jaguars2007​  @jaamesbbarnes​ @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety​  @janeyboo​ @jouhainak​ @learisa​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @lilylovescomics​   @lojo83​   @lookwhatyoumademequeue​  @lostinspace33​  @madicardi​  @magellan-88​   @mamapeterson​   @me-a-hopeless-romantic​  @meyoko10​  @mindingmyownbusiness​ @mizzzpink​ @neverleturheartshow2​  @nomadicpixel​  @part-time-patronus​ @patzammit​ @pinkieandthebrain1​ @redqueen1221​ @rosiethebaker @sebbytrash​  @sgtjbuccky​  @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​  @stark-spangled-banner-man​  @st-eve-barnes​ @stillherebiandabitch​ @sunriserose1023​ @suz-123​ @the-real-kellymonster​    @tutis24​ @winterismyfavoriteseason1945​  @winters-beauty​ @yaykitty3​

Summary: Two of your best friends are getting married and you have the honor of singing at their wedding.  At the reception you’re approached by a famous friend of the groom, Tom Hiddleston.  Much polite flirting ensues.  Will there be more to come?  (That’s not a rhetorical question, I’m honestly asking for your input about whether I should write more.)

A/N: This is my first RPF.  I missed writing WAY more than I thought I would, but life had me completely inundated and unable to do anything but get through what I needed to everyday.  I missed my Tumblr family, I missed creative thinking, and I hope this lives up to what you’ve come to expect and like from me.  Thank you in advance for your time and kindness.  Constructive, kind feedback is ALWAYS welcome.

Oh, and endless thanks to @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ for just being there whenever I call.  She’s too good for words.  Well, my words, anyway.

“Excuse me, but would you care to dance?”

You were fully engrossed in the game you were playing with the ring bearer, flower girl, and other assorted guests’ children and hadn’t bothered to turn at the sound of the voice.  By the time you felt the gentle but noticeable tap on your shoulder, you had long-stopped wondering who had asked.

“Excuse me? I’m sorry to bother you, but - “

“5-4-3-2-1 Ready or not here I come!”  You slowly and dramatically turned towards the giggles and titters of little voices, slid your hands down over your closed eyes, and widened your stance to catch the little buggers.  As you opened your eyes to scan the room and made unconvincing assertions of how quickly you’d win, you barely caught yourself from plowing into the tall, lanky man who did not try in the least to conceal a smirk.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.  Did I bump into you?”  Your momentary distress quickly morphed into nervous laughter as you realized with whom the gods had chosen for you to cross paths with.

“Nope, not even a little.  I’m the one who should apologize to you, as I’ve clearly interrupted a highly competitive game of hide-and-seek.”  You snickered and shrugged your shoulders as the back of your dress and each of your hands were unceremoniously yanked by little people who had yet to learn that patience is a virtue.  Maybe that’s why you enjoyed being around children so much - you hadn’t learned that particular lesson yet, either.  

You mouthed “sorry” as you turned your head away, and saw him shake his head, appearing to chuckle as he took off his glasses to clean them.  As he turned towards the other guests, you fell back into the seedy underworld of high-stakes hide-and-seek, but you weren’t likely to forget that moment any time soon.

Tom Hiddleston had just asked you to dance.

As the night wore on, you lost the company of your young compatriots as their parents collected their offspring, thanked you profusely, and carried them off. You were grateful to return to the grown-up world and quickly sought out the bar.  As you sipped on the best gin-and-tonic you’d ever had, the newlyweds and some members of the bridal party found their way over and a chorus of memories, laughter, and challenges rose up.

“C’mon, please?!??!  You can’t say no to us tonight, we’re protected under the “we just got married” statute.  Please????” The drunk pleading by the newly Marrieds almost made you snort Bombay Sapphire out of your nose.  

“You’d better be grateful that I’m in such a good mood.  Give me a minute to go over and introduce myself then I guess I’ll make sure I’m not held in custody on the ‘You Said No To The Marrieds’ statute.”

After a few minutes of getting redirected at each attempt to get away, you took the microphone and cleared your throat.

“Excuse me, folks.  I know you may have had your fill of my singing voice after the wedding today, but I’ve been asked by the newlyweds to close out the night by singing one of their favorite songs, which to be honest, is also one of mine.  I’m told that I cannot deny this request, as it is part of the canon of newly-married law, and since both of them are lawyers, I guess I have to comply.”  As the pianist started the intro, you closed your eyes and swayed.  This one earned you lots of applause (and much-needed gigs) in college, and the words poured out without thought.

The very thought of you and I forget to do

The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do

I'm living in a kind of daydream, I'm happy as a king

And foolish though it may seem to me that's everything

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you

You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you

I see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above

It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love

When the last notes faded along with your voice, the remaining guests whistled and cheered.  Your blush quickly faded as your best friends, including the bride and groom, tackle-hugged you and walked you off the stage in a laughing huddle.  You thanked every person that was kind enough to compliment you, and smiled dreamily as you saw the unmistakable frame of the famous actor in the room talking with your best friends.  

As he saw you approach, his smile widened and The Marrieds followed his gaze to you.  He excused himself, gesturing “one minute” while he visited the bar, and quickly returned on his trajectory to you, now with a bottle of water in his hands.  It seemed to roll off his impossibly-long fingers while his other hand gently encircled your wrist.  You were feeling the effects of the performance high, your drinks, and the long happy day at the same time, which loosened your tongue.

“Thank you very much.  I know etiquette requires me to sip daintily, so you'll need to forgive me while I down this in a less-than-ladylike way.  Please don’t tell my mother.”  His laugh was a rolling baritone, easy and well-practiced, accompanied by eye contact that would usually make you turn away from its intensity.

You checked him out as you tried not to gulp.  Thankfully you didn’t choke or need the Heimlich because drinking bought you a minute to wonder what in the hell Tom Hiddleston wanted with you.  Was he trying to return something you dropped? Was he going to compliment your singing? You weren’t quite drunk enough to ask outright, so you capped the plastic bottle and smiled.

“Thank you, that hit the spot.  It was nice meeting you, but I think I’m going to head back….” His smile dimmed a bit as he recognized your attempt to leave. Reaching out, he quickly spoke over you so you wouldn’t end the sentence.

“Ummmm, no.”

Awkward silence. Crickets.

“Excuse me?” Tentacles of weirdness raced up your spine. Sweat formed on the back of your neck as you formulated your escape plan.

His nervous laughter caught your attention. “I mean, yes, it’s nice to meet you, too and you’re welcome, but….”

Your eyes followed his as they cast downward and then popped back up with a shyer, smaller smile.  “I’d hoped you’d have a dance with me.”

Cue full-on tipsy giggles. “I’d love to, but it seems the band is packing up.”  

He let your wrists gently drop and practically leapt over to the bandstand.  After a few minutes of bowed heads, covert pointing, and close talking, he returned with the smile you’d seen projected on a 50-foot screen.   With a short bow, he held out his hand.

“Problem solved.  Now, if you would be so kind as to dance with me?”  

You put your hand in his as he led you to the nearby dance floor.  You remained completely clueless as to what alternate universe you had fallen into. Maybe you were dreaming.  You’d have to pinch yourself to find out, but Tom didn’t give you the time.  

He pulled you closer, placed one hand respectfully on your thicker-than-average waist, and, taking your right hand in his left, placed it on his chest. You looked up and could not hold back soft laughter.  He quietly asked what you were thinking.

The band was doing a sweet rendition of “Wonderful Tonight,” and you hummed along.  As he turned you slowly, the distance between you lessened.  

“Nothing, just having a wonderfully unexpected dance with a world-renowned actor.  It’s how I normally spend my Saturday nights.”  He leaned back to make eye contact, smiled, and returned to twirling.  His hand had worked its way further around your waist and your hand that was not on his chest had moved to cup the back of his neck.  As the last twangy notes played, you tried to pull away, to quickly gloss over any awkward goodbyes, but he held fast.

“I sound like a broken record, but thank you.”  His face quickly changed from dreamy to serious, which was disconcerting.

“What?” Your face belied your urgency to cut to the chase and say goodnight.

He stepped back and moved his hands to your wrists, his light touch giving you goosebumps.

“I’m curious - why do you keep trying to leave? Have I offended you somehow?” His eyes locked on yours, a sincerely curious look on his face.

“No, of course not, but I figured you needed to go and I didn’t want to make anything awkward.  I avoid awkward at all costs.”

“If anything, leaving would be bittersweet. I was hoping you’d have a drink with me so we wouldn’t have to broach that subject yet.”

Your neutral expression masked your shock.  It was a practiced response after years of suppressing laughter when your students did something hilariously inappropriate.  He didn’t press, didn’t ask again, didn’t change his mind.  He simply waited and looked, bringing front and center how uncomfortable it made you to be seen.  

“Let me freshen up, and I’ll meet you in the bar downstairs in 20 minutes or so?”  You giggled, again, as he bowed and kissed your hand, taking your leave and saying goodnight to other guests.

You started to sober up as you took the elevator to your room, took a shower and threw on the outfit you wore to the bachelorette party 3 nights earlier, thanking God you had sent it out to be cleaned.  By the time you made your way downstairs, you felt more like yourself, more in control, less starstruck.

You smiled tiredly as he stood to greet you, offering you the outside seat on the banquette.  It was late enough that you didn’t need to shout, and you had just the right amount of attention from the waiter and bartender, without attracting fans.  You shared your plan to stay in the area for two more weeks, visiting friends and seeing the sights, while he mentioned he was going to be in town for a few days, as well.

You sipped on a delicious champagne Tom suggested and asked him something that had run in and out of your mind since the days of your high school obsession with Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables.  

“Tell me how you split yourself between the real you and the part you’re playing.  I’d guess that every part you play contains some small piece of you, but how do you reconcile that with being “just you,” being the person that your family and dearest friends know? Is it difficult to become someone else and then return to everyday life?”

He listened, smiled softly, and sighed.  “You’ve just asked the same question that was posed to the very first people to pretend in front of others.”  He went on to explain about the psychological work he has done and still does to prepare for roles, the time it takes to transition back and forth between roles and real life, and some funny stories about times when he’s mixed up the two with memorable results.

The familiar chuckle snapped you out of your reverie.  You saw his loose curls move side to side and wondered why he had stopped talking, then realized you’d yawned several times in a row.  “I’m sorry, I heard what you said, but I think your voice lulled me into another state of consciousness.  It’s very soothing.”

His smile was bright, but tired.  “Are you saying I put you to sleep? Guess I’m not as captivating as I’ve been led to believe.”  He cut off your attempt to explain.  “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been going on but you’ve struck the mother lode - asking an actor about how they prepare psychologically for their life’s work is a question worthy of a monologue.  Didn’t mean to hypnotize you.”

He silently covered your hands with his as you brought out your wallet to pay for your drinks.  “Please, let me.  I invited you, remember?”  Your nod was followed by evidence of your stubbornness.  “Thank you, I’ll just leave a tip, then.” He stood as you did, steadying you while you took your leave.

“Thank you for the dance, and the drink, and the conversation, Tom.  It made this gorgeous day even better.”  You kissed his cheek, noticing he closed his eyes while you did.

“Thank you, as well.  Tonight was an unexpected delight.  Would it be alright if I asked to see you again?”

You smiled and sighed.  “You have my number.”

Chapter 2

[furkanandiceng]

FURKAN ANDIÇ BEMAN APRIL ISSUE INTERVIEW TRANSLATION 

INTELLECTUAL AND HANDSOME: FURKAN ANDIÇ

A heartwarming smile, a gorgeous physique, confident footsteps and a handsome man who looks very good on screen. Furkan continues his acting career in Star TV’s “Kardeş Çocukları” this season. He invests in himself, reads a lot, takes courses abroad. He prepares to write his own scripts and stories. It’s very clear that he has discovered the secret of being a long-lasting and successful actor.  Tender, sweet, easy-going, smart, hard-working and very polite. He was born to be an actor, that’s for sure. He says that his new motto is “the world is your reflection”, that’s what he is, a very special man with all of his characteristics that he reflects.

Amongst the places you have already seen and not seen yet, where do you feel like you belong?

I’m not brave enough to say “I belong there” about somewhere that I haven’t seen, to tell you the truth. Because the energy and atmosphere of a place is very important for me. I can’t make such an assertive statement even about the places that I’ve seen. Traveling and experiencing new things is a very enjoyable passion of mine. This is why I can’t think of a life in which I’m tied to somewhere. Like everyone else, I have very different experiences wherever I go. But this isn’t enough to want to live my entire life there.

How many cat buddies do you have in your house? How did you decide to share your house with them?

I have a cat living with me. Her name is Zilli, a tabby cat. She’s over 3 years old. We took her from the street. Now that I think about it, I can’t imagine a life without her sharing the same house with me.

How do you describe your style? Do you feel better in a suit, or in your daily casual clothes?

Wearing comfortable clothes definitely makes me feel good. And when I wear a suit, I think I feel a little special. This was a confession...:)

Do you usually act with your logic or with your feelings?

It depends. My logic can always convince me. But it’s sometimes insufficient to take action. You and I may agree on something now. But I’m sure we feel differently about it. This makes feelings very special. Sometimes a moment comes, I convince my logic only to follow my feelings.

Is there a quote from a book that you haven’t forgotten and has become your life philosophy?

The world is your reflection, from “The School for Gods”.

Are you a night person?

When I think about the night people, I can say that I’m not. I love sitting through the night though.  Silence makes a person feel special.

Do you want to open up to the world? What are your initiatives on this?

I would love to. I was in America last summer. It was a fun, long and productive time where I took both language courses and acting lessons. When I was there, I had the opportunity to see really different perspectives. And this guides me in my effort to draw a path for myself. I contact with an agency in America and I still get in touch with my instructors. But something tells me that this can only happen with individual hard work and productivity. I’m very excited about how it will turn out, too.

What kind of compliments do you get, do you get criticisms too?

For me, criticism is just as valuable as compliment in our profession. Because, at the end of the day, we perform as a team and present our work to the viewers. It’s always up to them to like it or not. Whether it’s a compliment or criticism, we should always be able to say our opinions freely. But when we do both, we must avoid using humiliating or insulting expressions. Only in this way can we protect the freedom of speech. And humor, I’m always all for it.

Do you have an accessory that you never take off?

I change (my accessories) from time to time but I can count ring and necklace as accessories I wear all the time. I use the pieces that I lovingly buy or that I receive as a special gift for a long time. But I don’t like the idea of infinite attachment to an object. Also, because I’m a forgetful guy I can sometimes lose my accessories.  

Our motto is “BeStylish”. What’s yours?

The world is your reflection.

You started your career with Kolej Günlüğü in 2011 and continue today with Volkan of Kardeş Çocukları. Which one of your characters that you played throughout all these years left the biggest impact on you? Which one of them had more in common with Furkan?

I think the character Sinan of the series Tatlı İntikam left the biggest impact on me. I experienced 3 different transformations of the character, whether physically, psychologically or emotionally, throughout the series. This is why I think I had a stronger  connection with him than all of my other characters. I can also say that, emotionally, he had the most in common with me.

You are acting with a strong cast in the series “Kardeş Çocukları”, how do you feel about it?

It’s something very valuable and reassuring for an actor. Personally, I believe that a good project is always the product of a good team. And good teams are made up of people who are good at their job and have working discipline. The cast of Kardeş Çocukları is, in my opinion, a cast who can reflect this effort on the screen. We are in a constant emotional exchange with people in our lives. We learn the most from people around us and add something to ourselves. It’s the same on this set too. It’s a cast who proved themselves in their previous works but are trying to add something new to themselves in every project.

Comedy, drama, love, thriller… You are an actor of which genre? Which do you feel the closest to?

I don’t lean towards the idea that an actor should limit himself with one genre. So I don’t have a claim like “I’m the actor of this or that genre”. I have been in comedy, romance and drama. But my mind is always on the roles that I haven’t played yet. I can describe this as a dissatisfaction or greed that I have. I believe that people, especially my fellow actors, are never happy to be limited with one genre. All of us, one moment or another, think that we repeat ourselves because of the conditions of life. To tell you honestly, when I watch my fellow actors who are in this repetitive situation, I can see it in their eyes. They want difference, they want more. It’s our most natural motive and right in this profession. And for achieving that, we always have to work harder and be more flexible in our projects. That’s how we can have diversity. And feeling close to a genre is another subject. I think I personally feel close to the romance genre. Love can give birth to great conflicts when it enters one’s life, and this can create more than one emotions in the character.

How good are you at music? Do you sing? If I asked you to make a playlist with three songs…

Music is a must-have in my life. And singing, it’s a whole different issue. It’s one of the areas I want to improve myself in and, as I mentioned earlier, push my limits and be more flexible. I’m taking singing lessons for this. I’m interested in playing piano and saxophone. But it doesn’t mean I can go out there and sing. And about music, I’m trying to keep my range as wide as possible. For example, I listen to classical music when I drive in İstanbul traffic, and Turkish songs on long trips. I turn on jazz while I’m having breakfast at home, and electronic music at nights. Now who would trust my playlist…?

What will be your next goals as an actor?

My biggest goal is to have my script on the screen. But I know it isn’t easy to reach that level. I’ve set short-term and medium-term goals on my way to this big goal. I’m working on achieving these goals one by one.

What attracts you the most in the opposite sex? As a cliché about tall men, do you also like short women?

I have never had a standard type like that. But I can say that smile is what attracts me the most.  

We know you are good at physical exercise. How do you keep yourself motivated all the time? How do you readapt yourself when you are reluctant?

Yes, exercise has been a part of my life since I was a child. This is exactly why I can maintain my motivation. Of course, there are times when I feel reluctant. I sometimes procrastinate it. Or I have work to do, so I can’t go. Like everyone else, I dissuade myself in a second and don’t go to the gym. But this shouldn’t be an end. It’s a part of life like eating and sometimes you may not have the appetite. It’s that simple. There’s always the next day and the next meal. I’ve never worked out to have a perfect body. Focusing on the result scares people off the process. But, as in everything else, the whole fun is in the journey, not in the destination. It’s actually like life, we know how we will end up. But this doesn’t let us stop struggling for life.

How do you use social media? Are you a person who posts a lot, follows a lot, or stays away from it as much  as possible?

Hmm, I think I’m a follower. Posting a lot is a lifestyle, I’m always surprised at people who can do it. I can’t imagine myself taking the phone as soon as I wake up and post a “good morning” story. I feel like “how is this useful for the people?” But it’s actually not like that. People may be curious and such posts may make them happy. I’m very convinced about this. Sometimes, I post a few photos one after another when I feel like it, and actually receive good comments. But I think it’s not my thing.

Is there anything in your life that you want to change but keep delaying it? When do you consider putting it into action?

I want to say I’m waiting for the right time, rather than delaying it. I have started to set medium-term goals for them. I hope I can achieve them one by one. For example, I’ve started taking saxophone lessons. It was a curiosity that I had been delaying, sorry waiting for the right time, for a long time. Other than that, I’m working on a mini-series script. But I’m not satisfied with where I am now. I need to work harder on it. While shooting a TV series, it can be really difficult to manage my time. I’m improving myself to manage it right.

Backstage video: