#let me know if you think anything is missing btw I lost my mind linking everything

[myrmyrtheorca]

it's 2 am and I'm exhausted

BUT

my new Bleach OC's blog is ready! >> @hollownekomata <<

I have no idea what I'm doing, I just know this side project is revealing itself to be very fun. Miele is eating my brain. I have no excuses.

Special thanks to @lhaewiel, @moonlit-mystery-writer and all those who offered to help/listened to my ramblings. I would have never found my way around this without you all.

[scorlettimagines]

Lonely Heart: A Nick Scratch Imagine

Request from @flowersichxng​: heeey, first of all i just wanted to tell you that I am loving your imagines with the songs from the CALM album, I have to say that your writing is amazing and I loved every one of your imagines (but I'm suspicious in saying that Red Desert is my favorite). I'm not sure if you're still taking requests but I'd love to read a imagine with Lonely Heart or Teeth, because I'm ✨obsessed✨. English is not my first language btw, so I'm sorry if I wrote something wrong.

Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x 

Want to hear the song? Find a link to it just below:

Lonely Heart

Your type of mind, so hard to find Native of mine, you're just my kind

“You look amazing, Y/N.” Sabrina smoothed down her own dress as she looked at you in yours. You both had dates for the annual dance at Baxter High, both of you wanting some normality after the chaotic events that had happened over the past few months. Of course, next week, you would return to the Academy, so you savoured the moments of peace.

Your date was picking you up soon. He was perfect, everything a girl could want. You knew a man like him was hard to find, and you two had so much in common.

It only seemed right that you ended up together, and you smiled at the thought of him.

“Thanks, Brina. You too.”

The doorbell rang, and Sabrina beamed before leaving you in your room. You heard voices downstairs, familiar ones of Ambrose and Sabrina’s date. You heard Sabrina rushing downstairs to meet him, heard him compliment her, heard her say, “You should wait until you see Y/N. She looks amazing.”

You heard, “I’m sure she does. But I’m going to the dance with you, and you look stunning, Spellman.” You smiled at that, forcing your heart to slow down.

Your date was perfect, you knew that.

But he wasn’t the man downstairs.

He wasn’t Nick Scratch.

Down on my knees, I'll always follow I promise you until the end of time

“Hey, Nick.” You stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at the warlock with his arm linked through Sabrina’s. They really were the perfect couple, and it broke your heart that you had the power to cause them so much pain.

You were in love with Nick Scratch; the worst part was that it wasn’t even something you could fix.

“Hey, Y/N. Spellman was right, you do look amazing.” A blush rose to your cheeks, and you smiled at him before making your way down the stairs. A thought crossed your mind, a thought that allowed you to think about what it would be like if you were walking down those stairs to kiss him.

The thought of following him onto the dance floor and promising to love him until the end of time.

You pushed it away, focusing on the smile on Sabrina’s face as she looked at her boyfriend with adoration. She was your friend and you weren’t going to ruin everything for her. “Not too bad yourself, Nick.”

Seconds that felt like years passed before the doorbell rang. You looked on at the happy couple, so absorbed in each other, before Ambrose announced the arrival of your date. The arrival of the man who was just so perfect for you.

The arrival of the man who wasn’t the person you loved.

Our house on fire, we're burnin' We dance inside, you're hurtin'

You sat at one of the tables, alone, your date having left you after one too many drinks. You could see him out of the corner of your eye, flirting with some other girl.

Apparently he wasn’t as perfect when he was drunk.

Not that you cared, not as you looked at Nick and Sabrina dancing together, so utterly in love. For a moment, you wondered what it would be like to be the one dancing with him. It was a thought that was so wrong, but as you felt your heart burn at the image in your mind, it felt so right.

You knew Nick Scratch better than anyone else in the entire world, knew how damaged he was inside, a kindred spirit to your own really. You wanted to be the one to help him feel joy, knowing that he would help you do the same, but that role belonged to Sabrina, to your friend, and you wouldn’t deny her of it.

The music stopped, signalling the end of the song, and you watched as Nick leaned over and whispered something into Sabrina’s ear. She nodded and took a seat at the table where her mortal friends sat.

Your date was still preoccupied with the other woman.

And now, Nick was walking towards you.

If you leave me in the mornin' I'll have such a—

Nick stopped in front of you and held out his hand. “Care to dance, Y/N?”

“What?”

“Come on.” He smiled, that perfect smile that haunted your dreams, that stayed with you for the rest of the day, never leaving you. “You can’t just stay here for the rest of the night.”

Every part of you was screaming, willing your brain to tell your mouth to speak. To say yes. You knew it was sympathy, knew that Nick was just being the good friend that he was, but part of you couldn’t help but feel that this could be the start of something more, the start to everything you ever wanted. “What about Brina?”

“She’s cool.” Nick looked over at his girlfriend, who waved at the two of you, affection in his eyes which remained as he looked back at you. “Come on Y/N, one dance, and maybe that date of yours will realise that you’re worth sharing the evening with.”

It was like you were in a dream, one that ended with Nick kissing you slowly on the dance floor. But like all dreams, it wasn’t real, and your fantasy ending would leave you, reality coming back in the morning.

Maybe you could live it for a little while.

You took Nick’s hand and he smiled. “There we go.” He led you over to the floor.

Such a lonely heart, oh woah Such a lonely heart, oh woah (Oh woah)

As the music started, you were conscious of one of Nick’s hands on the small of your back, the other in yours, fingers intertwined. You looked up at him, and noticed how deep dark eyes were staring down at you. “How am I doing? Not too bad a dance partner, am I Y/N?”

“No, not too bad at all.”

It was a perfect moment, one that you wanted to live in forever. As Nick swayed with you to the music, you were aware of only him, of the feel of his body against yours, of the way he made your heart soar. It felt as if it were trying to beat out of your chest, to bind itself to Nick’s.

But soon enough, the song would end, and Nick would let go of your hand. Soon enough, your heart would be alone again, leaving you wallowing in self-pity as you continued to fall for someone you couldn’t have. Someone who wasn’t made for you, but who you loved more than anything.

Nick’s hand still on your back, the song came to an end. He paused for a moment, looking at you in a way you had only wished for.

If this was a movie, he would have kissed you, lips on your own.

If this was a movie, you would get your happy ending.

You held your breath.

If you can't find another reason to stay Then I know I'm gonna always have a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely Heart, oh woah (Oh woah) Heart

Nick coughed, seeming to come out of his daze. He had been lost in the moment, you were sure of it, and as Sabrina came back over, you slipped out of his grasp.

You couldn’t have him, no matter how much it hurt to leave him, no matter how much you hated being alone.

You didn’t really focus on any of Sabrina’s words as you watched Nick slide his arm around her waist, eyes still on you, a message hidden within pools of brown. The two of you had shared something special in that dance, but it was something that could never be expressed to the world. Not without people getting hurt.

“Maybe that date of yours will have realised what he’s missing out on.” Nick nodded in your date’s direction, the man in question now looking at you with envy.

“Maybe. Thanks, Nick.”

He smiled. “Anytime, Y/N.”

Your heart stopped as he leant over and placed a single kiss on your cheek. You knew it was a friendly gesture, but you couldn’t help but feel that maybe it was something more. Not that it mattered as another song began to play and Nick swept Sabrina off to the middle of the dance floor.

As you walked over to your date, the man who was supposed to be perfect for you.

The man who wasn’t Nick Scratch.

CALM MASTERLIST

NICK SCRATCH MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[aajjks]

I usually look into your acc everyday for updates and interactions. But recently I haven't come by to your acc for days since I was busy, and I said to myself that maybe a quick peek today wouldn't hurt. And here I am, speechless. Man there are so much that is happening. 😭 And I'ma say all my thoughts at once.

Btw, I'm the anon with a crush, with an involvement of a japanese girl. I hope you'll remember HAHA. I have sent a little update about it, do you think Tumblr may have eaten it up? I'm sad that Tumblr won't let you read it.😭

Next, about that Mommy Issues's Issues? 😭 I'm only just a reader here, and yeah it's quite a trigger for you as a writer for your reader's thoughts about your character. But you are trying your best to clear up things without being harsh about people's different perspectives. Especially you're now careful, Mommy Issues and the Conqueror has quite of the same issues. Like about concubines, women's and child issues. Well, I never send any ask about the 3 jk characters, but I read some asks about them as a joke rather, to see how the character will react. But you are doing great, so well as a writer to pin point something HAHA. To be honest, I do not want to be either of the jk's. It's a pass for me, even though nobody has ever made me feel special, y'know, infatuated maybe the word, I'd prefer to be alone than to be any of them. But if I had to, maybe Mommy Issues Jk HAHA. (Or maybe I want to be with them all three together, yea uhuh I'm crazy) Regards, my point is I appreciate you for everything. You're doing great as a writer.

Next thought HAHA, Mommy Issues had just been a Teaser but I think all of the answers on the asks has been giving us spoilers and insights HAHA.

Next thought. Your ask about 'After Conqueror' I think I wanna see Teach Me and Mommy Issues hehe.

Next thought!😭 Not bunny koo wants to be a stripper😭😭 as a way he thinks it will help y/n. Though since jk has been learning so much on the television, I think oc needs to let him watch some healthy relationships related things. I don't know how to explain this HAHA. Right? Idk HAHA. Maybe it'll help the situation of him being So so SO SO S O CLINGY AND POSSESIVE. To atleast help...a bit...

I also gonna add that #little piece of shit istg —HAHAHAHA god he needs a time out at the back😭

Next issue!😭 about the problematic behavior? Well, I don't/probably think you've kinda been immature to some past issues. But you've apologised for it. It helped you to clear things up and you having to have an open mind about it. A new perspective about it, that you handled very well. And I think we all got some things to fix with, but you know what's right or wrong. You don't need to prove anything to them. Just think of it as you developing to be the best version of yourself.

Next, thank you for that link about deres, I never knew about any of those. Interesting.

Next, YES I KNOW MATILDA! And Miss Honey is literally you can picture how y/n is or would be.

Next, "dora-the-whora" 😭😭😭 I need to be friends with her/him.

Next, Unpopular Opinion: Me having my period, loud rain outside, me alone with full food on the fridge and watching telly. I... Like it. I love it.😭😭

Next and maybe last?😭 At first, I thought jk was depressed or like his whole life has ruined and changed because of the death of his child's mother. Which I thought that it's because he loved her or like the love of his life which he lost forever. Turns out I was wrong HAHA. So when the oc came to his life and filled it with hope and colors touched me. And of course who wouldn't like oc, who is a fond of children. It's lovely. So I thought of oc must give him a chance somehow HAHA. Though of course, it's scary since he has issues but who gives a fuck? HAHAHAHA. I also thought that maybe he needs to do the first move but boy I feel like he's gonna pee his pants. Like Clyde from Loud House who's could've nose bleed. This could've add up to your ask about 'Assumptions for Characters'

+ MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT MY FIC + CLUB CHARACTERS AND THEY WILL RESPOND

MI jk would've pee his pants and have a nose bleed if ever y/n would talk with him or her asking him on a date.

Ps. Sorry for my English. Sorry for the long ask. 😭💐

You are so sweet and CUTE. You took your time to write all of this to me and that is so sweet, I read this ask like 3 times and thank you for ALL YOUR OF YOUR PRECIOUS THOUGHTS. I really love your way of understanding and thinking 🥺💕🙏

[divorceegf]

Sansa’s faith and Jon’s divided loyalties

So once upon a time when I still had a modicum of hope for a jonsa endgame (cute, right?), I wrote *this and then my girl @mirrorselves replied **here.

EDIT: i forgot posts with links don’t show up in the tags, so links in the notes

A partial answer has been in my drafts ever since, so I finally decided to finish writing it now. No need to read the original post btw, this one stands on its own and is a reply to the following comment specifically: In the crypts, telling Tyrion “you were the best of them” is parallel to (yet a far cry from) her statement about Jon that “You’re as far from Joffrey as anyone I’ve ever met.” (We could go on here and discuss his “divided loyalties”.) Let’s!

“You were the best of them” vs. “You’re as far from Joffrey as aynone I’ve ever met” is an interesting parallel too because in her scene with Jon, Sansa follows that statement by adding Jon is good at ruling even though she would still advise him to make different choices regarding certain matters – and of course, Jon’s choices remain a point of contention for them until the end. It’s also brought up again that Jon is protective of her, but more than that, the text acknowledges Sansa feels the same way over him:

S: “Father couldn’t protect [me] and neither can you. Stop trying.”

J: “Alright, I’ll stop trying to protect you and you stop trying to undermine me.”

S: “I’m not trying to undermine you! You have to be smarter than Father. You need to be smarter than Robb. I love them, I miss them, but they made stupid mistakes and they both lost their heads for it.”

This one exchange sums up very well Sansa’s feelings for Jon. What she’s telling him is 1) I trust you have the best intentions, and 2) I don’t want you to end up dead. Put plainly, they speak of love.

Both these statements continue to be proven true until the last episode. Sansa tells the Lords gathered at Winterfell, “Jon is doing what he thinks is best” in 7x05, and answers Jon’s own question, “Do you have any faith in me?” by the affirmative in 8x01. Both times Jon is headed South, Sansa’s concern for his safety is made very clear:

S: “Have you forgotten what happened to our grandfather? . . . This isn’t an invitation, it’s a trap” in 7x02.

S: “I don’t want Jon to go down there. The men in my family don’t do well in the capital” in 8x04.

Sansa cares about Jon even when she disagrees with him. Her love and her faith in him are not conditional in that respect.

Ever since Jon gave the North away to Dany, Sansa hasn’t hidden the fact she is displeased by that decision and will continue to fight for Northern independence regardless. She is not happy that he’s pledged the northern armies to help Dany in her quest for the Iron Throne either. Jon effectively proved himself undeserving of Sansa’s trust by 7x06 (he was fully aware he was acting against everyone’s wishes, hers included, when he bent the knee to Dany). Worse, Sansa suspects he gave up their independence because he has feelings for Dany, and Jon never gives her any reason to believe otherwise. It’s also worth pointing out Jon didn’t *have* to give up his crown. He did so willingly when Dany was no longer asking it of him and had already pledged to fight against the AotD. So to interpret Jon’s knee bending as a betrayal of Sansa/the North isn’t much of a strech.

Compare all of this to what she tells Tyrion. While she has stated in the past Tyrion is “kind” (7x02) and “clever” (8x01) and it is implied she might trust him to a certain degree, *his* allegiance to Daenerys is an issue Sansa can’t look past.

S: “It wouldn’t have worked between us.”

T: “Why not?”

S: “The Dragon Queen. Your divided loyalties would become a problem.”

So there we have it: two men who are in part loyal to Dany and are helping her reach goals that do not align with Sansa’s. It’s an incompatibility that can’t be overlooked, and in Tyrion’s case it’s a clear dealbreaker for Sansa. In Jon’s...

When all has been said and done, Sansa condemns Yara in 8x06 because she “chose to follow a tyrant.” But Yara isn’t the only one who gave her support to Dany. Tyrion did too. Jon did too. And yet, in spite of everything, Sansa was still working towards an independent North with Jon as their King until the bitter end (“They lost their King,” she tells him, pained.) And if Jon has made such a massive mistake in backing up Dany, why was that still not a dealbreaker? Why is he still deserving of Sansa’s trust? I’ll leave the interpretation up to you, but it’s because she loves him. Wholly unconditionally.

Throughout it all, Sansa had no reason to trust Jon save for the timeless fact that they’re family, and she knows he wouldn’t ever knowingly do anything that could harm her or her siblings. She had no reason to feel anything else but hurt by his actions, because Jon gave her none. All he did is unfairly request she trust him blindly, appealing to her affection for him and not much else:

In 8x01. J: ”Do you have any faith in me? . . . She’ll be a good queen, for all of us. She’s not her father.”

In 8x04. S: “How can I promise to keep a secret when I don’t even know what it is?” J: “Because we’re family!”

So Sansa gave him her trust and loyalty, repeatedly, even when it went in direct contradiction to her political agenda and keeping her peace of mind. Forsaking Jon was never an option in her eyes.

[kiatkiat-tree]

Wanderers

A/N: For anon who requested! Honestly, um... it didn’t go romantically. I think Bedivere would be the type to take things incredibly slow. Aside from his Servant-Master thing, it would take some time to form an actual relationship with him. The kiss was a catalyst, but it probably wasn’t the right one to use. Btw I STILL DONT KNOW which name to use: gudako, ritsuka, (Y/N). 

Thank you for requesting dear anon!

-

i.

Even though it had only been a few months since Bedivere was summoned to Chaldea, he felt himself subconsciously reaching for his Master. Gudako had invited him to her room multiple times, talking or asking about anything. In a way, she reminded him of his King. This, he told her multiple times.

“To prevent the incineration of humanity is your goal. That is something my king should also wish for,” Bedivere said. He didn't miss the way Gudako's eyes left him. A Court Official shouldn't be without their perception, after all. Without skipping a beat, he followed up with a, “Is there something wrong, Master?”

“Ah, not at all, Bedivere,” she said. Her seemingly lost eyes were focused again as she picked a biscuit up, looking at it like it was the most interesting object in the world. The Servant didn't believe her, but he said nothing. He trusted her enough to tell him the truth when it was appropriate. “I mean, it's true. Your King is a good person.”

“If your ideals align with theirs, then I'm pleased to be serving you, Master,” Bedivere commented before the conversation came to a lull. The silence allowed him to dwell on his thoughts, as well as the burden weighing on his Master's shoulders. If anything, he was glad that Gudako was allowed down times like this, in between Singularities and training.

“Anyway, it's 2 PM,” she spoke up again, brushing the crumbs off her mouth. Bedivere didn't need to check the schedule to know it's time for her afternoon training. The two of them placed their hands on the food tray at the same time, but Bedivere was quick to speak up.

“Allow me to clean it up for you, Master. The others must be waiting,” he interjected, covering Gudako's hand with his. The odd red tint to her cheeks didn't fade, even when he let her go. He bid her farewell before stacking the teacups on their respective plates and making sure no crumbs were left behind on her personal desk.

His loyalty to the King was never to be tested, and yet here he was, cleaning his Master's table with the same devotion as unsheathing a sword on the battlefield. No, it was not that. Dedication to his King was the sole purpose of his life, and yet, he couldn't help but feel affectionate for his Master.

Affection that bloomed in spite of humanity's state. Confused because of his devotion to his King, but encouraged by his respect for his Master. Gudako wasn't very subtle in hiding her emotions, either. Still, as a Servant and a Knight of the Round Table, Bedivere couldn't let himself be as carefree as her.

ii.

If Gudako's memory wasn't wrong, enemy homunculi were lancers. That meant Bedivere had an advantage over them. But as the two of them hid behind a tree, she knew something significant had to be done to turn the tide. Her Servant was badly wounded and exhausted, with barely enough mana to unleash his Noble Phantasm.

The doctor's connection was unstable, too. Damn it all, Gudako couldn't help but think. This was supposed to be training, not some life-or-death situation. She shivered, pulling Bedivere's cape around her tighter. The two of them were alone, because of her selfishness and poor planning.

When they entered the area, Gudako was confident of Bedivere's abilities and her own. Now, she wasn't doubting her Servant, of course, because only she was to blame for all of this. Aside from training focused on just this one knight, she wanted to spend some alone time with him as well. What a petty excuse to not bring anyone else!

What made it worse was Bedivere's forgiving expression. He gave her his cape in case she felt too cold, even letting her curl into him for the time being. The idea of staying there forever in his hold was too tempting, and yet she knew it was a bad idea. The longer they stayed there, the longer she was going to get drained of her energy and mana. Gudako was useless as a Master.

“This is not your fault, Master. My ineptitude has—“

“Don't say that. None of this is your fault,” Gudako was quick to cut him off with her own words. The last thing she needed was Bedivere blaming himself. She tucked her legs inside the cape, making herself as small as she feels. Her Servant's cold armor wasn't very comfortable, but she wasn't complaining. It kept him safe, especially with the sounds of the nearing homunculi.

She felt him shift against her, preparing for combat. “Master, please give me your orders. Even if I have to fight until my last breath, it is necessary for you to return to Chaldea safely. The field the homunculi has brought with them will perish all the same, so the doctor will be able to rayshift you safely.”

If Gudako wasn't sure about her ability to drown out certain sentences, she was now. She stood up with him, securing his cape back onto his armor. She stared at him, taking a deep breath.

“As if I'd let you die here!” she hissed. Mana pulsed through her veins, just enough to fill in the gaps for Bedivere. If she could help him unleash his Noble Phantasm, they'd both come out of this alive. Even if she supplied him with mana, she wouldn't die. At least, not immediately. “I have mana to spare. Let me give you some.”

“No. You will perish if you do that, Master. I cannot allow such acts,” he pushed. The suggestion was too much, even for her. His body tensed as Gudako took his hands in hers. Such a simple action would've made her flustered if they were in any other situation, but she was serious here.

Gudako whispered a small apology before pressing her lips against his. Direct mana transfers like this were rare, and she understood when Bedivere jerked away from her. His eyes were widened, horrified, but Airgetlam began to glow. The transfer was successful at the cost of their friendship, it seemed.

She felt more drained than usual, a sign of overworking her magic circuits. She slumped against the tree, barely keeping her eyes open while watching her Servant. “Unleash your Noble Phantasm,” she said before finally falling asleep.

iii.

It's been two weeks since their last mission, and two weeks since Gudako has actually talked to him. Bedivere wasn't the type to look for attention, but rather, he was concerned. The Master took a day and a half to sleep, and another day to recover. Dr. Roman reported that she was fine but a bit sore when he asked.

Asking her questions about the mana transfer could wait. Instead, he offered to help her in her recovery, only to be ignored by his Master and prodded by Mordred. The brash knight was acting like an overprotective guard dog that could rival Cu Chulainn. Of course, this also meant questions about what happened.

“Ha?! What do you mean, 'you let Master do it'?! I'll bash your face in, you honor student!” Mordred yelled, earning her a few looks from the others in the hallways. Gudako was nowhere to be found, and this young woman wouldn't answer Bedivere until she was satisfied. “You're the reason why she's limping like that?!”

“Please keep your voice down. I don't wish to disturb others,” he replied. While he disagreed with Mordred's way of speech, he couldn't help but feel the effects of her words. His Master was forced to do such a thing just to save both of them. In fact, despite her reassuring words, he couldn't help but feel as if he's failed both his King and his Master.

“What? As if you're to talk. I bet everyone just wants to know how the hell she ended up in that state,” she retorted, rolling her shoulder. It looked like she was getting ready to make her words come true. Bedivere trusted in the Chaldea Security System for breaking up fights, though. “A mana transfer that you couldn't stop... what, did she kiss you or something?”

He only faltered for a moment, but Mordred already caught onto it. She continued her rambling. “Really? The two of you did it?” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. There hadn't been any explicit confirmation from him yet, but at this point, it was unnecessary. “So that's why she's been acting like... hey! Go talk to her!”

Mordred was acting as if Bedivere hadn't tried that already. The last time he knocked on Gudako's door, something crashed onto the floor and yet she acted as if no one was there. It was obvious their mental link was being actively blocked as well. He tried to call out to her, even just to check on her, but he couldn't. The kiss was an act of desperation, and yet...

“All has been tried and done. It is up to Master to forgive me for letting her do such an act. I understand it was out of desperation, but I understand the toll it has on her. After all, we're only Servant and Master,” he said. If the other woman had realized something, it didn't show on her face. Instead, she only pointed her thumb in the direction of Gudako's room.

“Alright, I think I've finally gotten it,” she grumbled. “Leave, before I really bash your face in.”

Anything else Mordred grumbled about was drowned out by her stomping. Bedivere gave a relieved sigh before turning to Gudako's room, where she was currently staying for a while. After this week, she would be returning to her normal duties. In Bedivere's mind, he didn't want to interfere with her rest, but there was no better time than now.

Two knocks on her room already elicited the sound of something heavy falling to the floor with a thump. He didn't speak for fear of scaring her again. Instead, he waited there as his Master opened the door with a hopeful smile. Her expression immediately became dejected, closing the door on his face once more.

Bedivere held his hand out, stopping her movements. “Please,” he started. “We haven't talked in a while, and I'm concerned about your well-being. If it pleases you, I can stay outside.”

The Servant watched as his Master chewed on her lower lip. She looked down on the ground, avoiding his steady gaze. “About that concern of yours... is it of a Servant's concern for their master, or more like a friend's worry for one?”

It would be a lie if he said he wasn't taken aback, or at least a little confused. Bedivere frowned. “I.. pardon?”

“It's fine, don't answer that,” Gudako replied. Her words sounded too dull for someone like her. Whatever she was hiding, Bedivere didn't want to pry from her. A mistake was made on his part, though, and he wanted to correct that. His Master leaned or the doorway, gently taking Bedivere's hand off the door. “I'm okay, if that's what you were looking for. Circuits are a little fried.”

“Master, I apologise for such a blunt question, but have I done something wrong?” he asked, but he let his arm fall from the door. She was free to close the door on him any minute now. Instead, the doorway was still wide open, and Gudako had gone back to her nervous habit of chewing her lips.

“I didn't think I'd have a conversation like this with you, but I don't want it to be where anyone can eavesdrop,” she said, carefully opening the door to let Bedivere pass. He gave her a grateful nod before letting himself in. Gudako locked the door behind them, taking her time. “What makes you think you've done something wrong?”

“This might sound too inappropriate, but like I have said a while ago, we haven't talked for some time. Is something the matter?” Bedivere asked. He was starting to question himself if her avoidance was just a figment of his imagination, or if he was simply being too needy. Without waiting for an answer, he decided to bite the bullet. “If this was about the kiss, it does not need any discussion. It was a mistake on my side. If only I had been—“

“Bedivere, stop,” she said. Bedivere went quiet, bowing his head in repentance. His eyes didn't meet hers, but he could still feel her presence. The white tiles of her room were his only companions as he listened to her. “It's my fault as a Master. Don't blame yourself, please. The kiss must've been uncomfortable, too. I'm sorry. It was the only way I could think of that didn't require as much mana.”

The kiss wasn't uncomfortable. It would've felt nice if they weren't in that situation, or if they weren't a Master and a Servant. He kept his head bowed as he spoke. “I am not the judge of your actions, Master. I am only a Servant who has done nothing of significance. However we look at it, we are still Master and Servant. Such intimate actions should be reserved for lovers.”

“I don't see you as just a Servant,” Gudako told him. He couldn't stop himself from looking up at her, confusion present in his eyes. She fidgeted in her position, playing with her hands. “You're a very dear friend to me, Bedivere. That's why I wanted you to forget what happened if it meant not being friends anymore. If I left you alone, you wouldn't remember.”

“That... isn't very possible, Master,” he said. There was a deeper meaning to her actions, but he didn't know if he could uncover that now. He settled on focusing on her words. “I'm terribly sorry, Master. However bad a moment may be, I could—or would—not forget it. However, is it truly acceptable for us to be friends?”

“Why not? We aren't conventional Masters and Servants anyway,” she said, giving him a small smile. “We don't know how long this Grand Order will drag out. Even with just one more Singularity left, we're still unsure of the future. If you ever find yourself thinking you can't be friends with me, just tell me, okay? I'll remind you that everyone here's a friend of mine.”

He wondered if the kiss, the shy blushes, and the occasional stutter were all part of being a friend. A Master like her shouldn't be holding that kind of affection for a Servant like him, but a part of her words rang true. This wasn't a real Holy Grail War, and everyone was going to stay here for a while. As he served his King and his Master, he thought of times when he thought he felt lonely.

Perhaps Gudako felt the same way as well. She spent most of her time with Servants, and she had managed to befriend all of them. As professional as they were, they were still bound by time and the Grand Order. Bedivere nodded as he accepted her words, returning a smile of his own.

“I see. Even though we are different, you show signs of perseverance. And even though I serve my King, I shall truly devote my sword to you, my Master,” he said, bowing.

This conversation was far from done, but they had finally talked after two weeks. To him, it was an accomplishment. Gudako's pleased face could tell him that she felt the same as well.

[inr-lya]

Mermaid RP Request

This plot has been in my mind since- who knows when, lmao. Probs a few weeks ago, and since i’m having trouble finding rp partners on amino, I’ve decided to extend my search here to tumblr. 

As to not waste anyone's time, I'll say it beforehand that I'll be playing Muse B in a bxg or nbxg relationship in which I'm both the girl. I've played as the guy way too often; I miss my girl now. 🥺 and, this is a lit to adv-lit rp, maybe even novella if i’m really into it, and my responses are usually around 400+ to almost a 1000 words. Highest is just a little over 2000, but again, only if I’m really into it, lmao. Feel free to ask for my writing examples.

Before I get to the plot of the rp, let me list some information/rules of mine for compability’s sake.

General; 

♡ I'm over 18, so no minors, please!

♡ I use drawn and realistic FCs if you need pics of the oc, though I don't mind what type you use. Speaking of which, I’m from amino, so I have a wiki on my girl, and if you have amino too, feel free to ask for the link! If you don’t, feel free to ask me to copy paste the info to google docs or just ask whatever you feel you need for the rp :]

  ♡ I can play more than one character, maybe 2-3 max? Depends on their roles in the RP ig.

♡ I have no triggers, but please list me yours so I can avoid them.

♡ I'm not the type to send a message if you were to suddenly disappear, but I'd do it after 2 weeks because I'm tired of my PMs getting clogged up with dead chats. If you're still interested but you need more time, just let me know. I promise I'll wait, my ass literally never reached the middle of any 1x1 rp.

♡ Ngl, I'm getting busy af these days with uni life and plans being made with friends and family. I'm not complaining. I love it, and all I'm saying is I might not be able to reply often. It depends on how invested I am and the difference of our time zones, (mine's GMT+8 btw) but I'll try to give at least a reply every few days or weekly if you're willing to be patient with me.

However, the shorter the literacy, the faster and more often I reply. If we're doing just 400+ to 600+ words, I can reply multiple times a day. Also, I prefer this level of literacy for now, but I can fluctuate to longer responses.

♡ fyi, I'm very open to rp in discord as we can create a server with different channels for ooc chat, rp, notes, etc. If you're up for it, lmk! uwu

. . .

Rules

♡ If you're considering pm-ing me, please skip the small talk like “hey, how are you?”, and just straight-up give me details that you’d like to discuss about the rp. It makes me uncomfortable, lmao.

♡ Have good grammar, punctuation and spelling. I can ignore small mistakes or typos but not constant errors. (I can overlook faulty grammar, however, if you have the creativity to make up for it)

♡ Use 3rd POV

♡ No railroading.

♡ For romance, don't make your character fall in love with mine at first sight or after a few nice gestures unless being naive is a part of their personality. I prefer slow burn. Crushes are fine but don't make your oc feel like my oc is their definite soulmate or something, lmao.

♡ Don't spam me unless I've been absent for a week. I may be busy or not in the mood to RP, but if I'm not interested in continuing, I will let you know.

♡ Any drama, romantic or carnal interactions stay within the RP, do NOT pursue anything with me besides friendship or mere acquaintances, I swear this happens way too often and it's getting stressful. Speaking of which, don't make the RP just about smut like c'mon.

. . .

Okay! Now I can finally jump into the plot! It’s pretty simple, and unfortunately, it isn't mine to claim. I wanted to rp this plot with someone, but they didn't reply to me, and I have no way of finding them again so- yeah, that's the disclaimer if you think I'm stealing your plot or something.

Muse A is a marine biologist who spends their time either studying, finding inspiration for their upcoming projects, or simply take a breather all at the beach. This is where they find peace, where all of their worries melt away and nothing else matters except the present.

Muse A's favourite leisure activity is free diving along the coral reef, underwater caves and tunnels, and pretty much any nook and cranny they can fit into. They're graduating from their specialist residency soon and is searching for ideas and incentives for their thesis along the bays and coves. To be honest, they were looking to mostly procrastinate due to the pressure of a competitive environment finally catching up to them, perhaps a burnout they were trying to get over.

Imagine how they would feel upon discovering Muse B, a creature that had been believed to be a myth, one with an upper-body resembling a human, though covered in brilliant scales and specialised fins adapted to exclusively marine life, and the lower half of a fish, stranded within the abyss of a cavity that would've been completely submerged if it weren't for the extremely low tide that had kept the curious entity from escaping.

Due to Muse A's compassionate nature, they aid Muse B to their freedom, but as soon as an opportunity was in sight, Muse B fled without another glance at their saviour, never to be seen again no matter how many times Muse A were to return to where they were last found.

A few months had passed, and Muse A had since lost hope in their search of Muse B as there was practically zero evidence nor leads to help them unless they were to look any further towards the conspiracy theorists and their claims. They are now focusing entirely on their original, more believable research, unfortunately, they had picked the wrong day to go diving.

The weather had been anything but kind, the skies had gone dark faster than anyone could've predicted, and before Muse A could process what was happening, they were caught in the middle of a raging storm, thrown left and right by the unforgiving waves of the ocean before it all went black. When the light of the sun entered their eyes once more, they found themselves within a secluded area of the island, damp, wet sand beneath them and an image of a woman above, with shining doe eyes and...what is that? Seaweed on her head?

"Hey," she gasped, relieved. The corners of her mouth curled into a smile, her lips still trembling from the thought that she was too late.

"I still haven't thanked you for the last time we met."

An unlikely, most bizarre connection formed between them since, but eventually, the reality of the situation presented itself. Will Muse A tell the world to further the scientific discovery and their career or keep it a secret to preserve Muse B's species' safety?

Alright, and that's the end of the summary! Please read them thoroughly and contact me either through PM or comments. I do not respond to likes.

I look forward to hearing from you! 💜

[acadstuds]

my first ever year in uni is done! to commemorate, I’ve wanted to share how I experienced college and how I coped through it, with the stress and all. although with the current times, some of these may not be relevant as of the moment since most have transitioned to online classes, though when the time comes and we can all do onsite classes once again, I hope this would help you guys in some way! 😊 this is typewritten in laps lock btw sorry hihi

(note that I said ‘kinda’ since these are all just personal opinions and obviously, we all have different experiences hehe but nonetheless I hope this is helpful ily all <3 also, I put related links in some parts so that you guys can check it out if you want!)

what to expect in uni?

adjustment period. this is inevitable. the length varies to each person, however. some may instantly click within just a day, but others it may take weeks. hey, it's okay. don't beat yourself up for it. it takes time! you'll learn to be comfortable with your surroundings in time.

adapting to new surroundings. like I said, this varies. but personally, it would be great it if you become familiar with places around your uni and all the hidden treasures it has for you within your first few weeks. this will make it easier for you to find a place you can call your own nook, where you can feel comfortable staying while studying, like a hole-in-the-wall cafe or study hub. this helps give you a sense of constancy, having a place that you can always go to.

feeling like an outsider. it happens. being a freshman obviously means that you don't know anything that happens within the campus. the traditions are all new to you and don't be embarrassed if you're not aware of it beforehand. heck, most of them doing it probably don't even know them when they were freshmen either. soon, you'll come to learn about it, and it may even become part of your traditions as well!

how to make friends?

try to at least to make one friend or two during the start, especially when you are given tours or any freshmen activity the uni has prepared, so you won't be alone and risk getting lost by yourself!

if you have a block, this goes the same as well! a simple smile and some small talk can do wonders. then again, it is completely understandable if you can't make the first move. don't fret over it! there will be a lot of friendly and nice people who can do so, and you can start from there :)

but remember also, this people you get to know may or may not be the ones you'll be spending your whole college life with. sometimes by the end of the year, you're not even seeing the first people you hung out with, and that's completely okay! but also remember to have at least someone with you, a support system if you may call it. I swear it will make your life in college 100x more bearable, especially if you're far away from your friends back at home.

(quick disclaimer: I commute my way to uni, so I don't have a dorm, but I have tons of friends who do! so here's what I learned through them, especially during the times I had to stay the night at their place for a requirement or a night out drinking hehe)

having a designated container for everything

this makes everything easier to navigate to, especially if you're running late since you already know what you need to get and where to get it. if you have roommates, this makes it easier for you to know whose is who and avoid mixing all of your things together.

you can buy some cute little boxes for your containers to add some decorations, but if you decide to go with some old brown food pack boxes, as long as you know where you're putting them, go ahead.

how you decide to organize them in the container, however, is completely up to you. to recommend, I would like to follow the ever so famous KonMari method (here’s a good article to understand all about it, with videos!) as this has really made it easier for me personally in my own room, as I have my own containers as well.

stay clean - please do.

for starters, I think it's completely necessary to at least clean your room, like a general cleaning, once a month.

sweeping the floor? at least twice a week.

taking the trash out? at least every other day.

cleaning/organizing your desk? every time before you go to bed or before class. 

this will help not just in making everything more sanitized, but it’s also a good way to practice self-discipline. cleaning is also known to be very therapeutic! (great article links here: x, x) like they say, a clear desk, clear mind. keeping your space clean is the least you can do for yourself.

roommates

it is both a hit or miss if you're roommates with a friend. believe me. this can either strengthen your relationship, or not.

the important thing here is that you both respect each other's privacy, and each other's space. all the better if both of you are on the same page when it comes to how to clean your place, but if not,   the best thing is that you make it clear between the both of you to not interfere with one another when it comes to your sides of the room. i've had friends whose dorm looks like two different places at once, but they made it work!

essentials

my previous post regarding my bag essentials (here) is still the same as ever even in uni, with just a few additions! you can click the link if you want to see the whole length of it, but if you can’t, here’s a summary of what I think is the most needed things in your bag:

water bottle (drink your h2o pls)

sanitary kit + medicine kit

power bank (with a cord ofc)*

extra change

earphones

alcohol/hand sanitizer (!!!)

mask*

umbrella* (side note: the weather whenever I’m in uni seems to be so random I swear, it’s all sunny then after not even an hour passes, it’s so cloudy and looks like it could rain anytime! So yes, umbrella is needed.)

*these are new additions from the previous post I did! make sure those items that have cords have cord holders, too! So it’s more organized 😉

how to organize them

there isn’t really an exact way to organize it, but again, the best thing for me is to make sure that it is accessible for you to get what you need quickly. I personally use small containers to keep those with the same purpose together (like the kits and a pouch for my power bank and earphones)

if your bag has pockets on the side, put your water bottle there and your umbrella to save some space inside!

to avoid any possible theft, put your most valuable items at the bottom of your bag (like for example, your wallet, if you don’t need it and you have some loose change with you, put it at the bottom)

keeping it clean

my only advice for this is that you should clean and organize your bag pretty frequently. like your room, cleaning your bag can also be therapeutic (refer to previous links!). taking the trash out like scrap paper and other junk can be actually be cathartic for you and help release some stress.

importance of tracking expenses

here’s the thing: money can be pretty scary. even though I still live at  home with my parents, balancing my allowance for the week is pretty stressing! what more for those far away from their homes? you really need to be aware of what you’re buying and how much money you’re spending each day so that you can track and find the best way to utilize your allowance.

it's so tempting to spend a lot, especially when you’re with friends. It would be better if you and your friends also keep it in mind on checking your expenses! me and my friends, to save, would just usually go to the same place most days of the week that has a menu that is within our budget. this is so that when we have plans on going out by the end of the week or after a hellish one, we have some money to spare and splurge on!

It’s a good thing to note, especially in countries where student loans are commonly used, that tracking expenses and saving money can be extremely helpful in the long run. (I live in the PH so I am entirely familiar with student loans in the US and other countries so here’s an article that I think could help regarding saving money as a college student: link here)

why you need to save

learning how to save money is pretty beneficial for you and your discipline with handling money. this will definitely let you realize the value of it.

having extra money is extremely important because there will always be times when you suddenly need to spend, whether it be for a requirement or an emergency, and you need to prepared for those situations.

personally, saving money makes me feel independent and that I can manage on my own even if I still live with my parents. for those that are far away from their homes, this can be the same for them, too.

some tips in saving money

budgeting your money. my way of budgeting my money is that I would always take off 10-15% of my allowance first and immediately put that part of my savings for the week. after, I would equally divide the remaining money to each day I have classes for my lunch and commute (I only have classes 4 days a week with a uniform schedule, so I work around that). there would be times that I overspend due to needed contributions for requirements, so I make sure to always check how much there is of my savings and if ever, I would lower the 10-15% savings for that week to about 5%.

If you don’t need it immediately, don’t buy it. my rule for this is if I take more than 5 minutes to think about if I need or not, then it just means that I don’t need it immediately, so I let it go. If you really need that particular item, you wouldn’t spend so much time wondering if you really need to. so, bye and see you when I need you!

group meals all day, every day! sharing meal combos with your friends are definitely one of the best ways to save since you all are saving some extra cash. make sure to plan accordingly with your friends so that you get the best deal, and eat some good food without hearing a cry from your wallet.

student discounts are lifesavers. no matter how small or big the percentage off is, it will sure be a blessing so use it whenever you can! (the psychology students of my college have a organization called PsychSoc and all of us psych students are given these ‘psych cards’ that you can use with a 10% discount to all the stores given in the card, and yes you can say that I am using my card a lot haha)

there are a lot more that I would share that I think is extremely helpful especially to my fellow Filipinos, but I’m planning to make a separate post for that!

importance of managing your time with studies and orgs

admittedly, healthy study habits are hard to keep up with. this is especially challenging if you’re in an org or a club that’s pretty active and you have to split your time with it and your studies. keeping a routine can with help that! it is extremely important that you have a guide to follow so that you won’t feel like you’re swarmed with all of the pending tasks to do, whether it’s for your org or your class.

starting a routine. beginning something is always awkward, and sometimes you don’t know where to start so here’s some simple things I can suggest:

cutting back on your time on social media and streaming websites and adding more to your study time. that series you want to binge-watch? it can wait. set a time in your week where you can watch it and try to pace yourself. that goes for whatever is happening on twitter, facebook, or any social media.

trying the pomodoro technique! old, but gold. here’s a great post regarding it: (x)

doing your papers or other tasks immediately. better start now, than regret not doing so later. finishing a task immediately means you’re already done with one thing on your list, and this will help prevent you from piling up things on your to do list and cram at the last minute!

schedule non-academic or non-org related group hangouts after major activities and not before. you’re friends need to be on the same page with you with this, and it’s better that you are all agreeing with setting a night out on a date that is academic free, so you won’t have to worry about passing or attending something the next day.

understand that sometimes it’s okay to prioritize one over the other. if you have a major exam upcoming, talk to your org officers and tell them the you won’t be attending that much, they will understand! and also, tell yourself that it’s okay to shorten your study time for an important org event. you don’t have to always split your time equally, you just to need to split it based on what is more important for you at the moment.

 And lastly,

why you shouldn't forget to have fun

come on, you’re in college! have fun, meet new people, go out and drink (responsibly) and just feel like a college student. You don’t always have to be studying, you should make time for yourself to take a break and just relax and interact with your friends.

this will make things more bearable. college is an experience and you should experience it to the fullest. make your time count! doing this makes it easier to cope with your college life in the long run.

having fun is okay. don’t forget that! with all the stress coming through, especially during finals week, adding some fun makes it worth it. doing group studies with your friends, with you guys actually studying, is bound to bring some unexpected funny moments you’ll never forget. taking a breather from studying and playing some games can also be beneficial for you to relieve some stress. and like I said, maybe cleaning can help, too! just make sure that you’re not relaxing or studying too much, as too much can be harmful. always remember to try to balance things out, and that you got this! go and kick college’s butt!

thanks for making it up to here! it means a lot! and while we’re at it, buy me coffee? https://ko-fi.com/acadstuds <3

[stellahibernis]

Lan Wangji: the Extra Shiny Edition

AKA Lan Wangji’s costumes in the Untamed, part 4/9

Now we have the Sunshot Campaign costume, and bad times were had by both Lan Wangji, for being in the middle of war and his soulmate possibly being on the path of completely losing it, and myself for having to watch the pain on his face at quarter speed while trying to capture the outfit while it’s in focus. On the other hand, the costume is gorgeous, and this particular title amuses me more than it probably should, so there’s that.

He wears this outfit in episodes 18 to 24, and as before, I’ll first talk about the costume and then the story context.

Look at him glow!

The Costume

This is his second of two fully white costumes, after the previous one, and as the title states, it’s shiny! The previous, though also fully white, reflected warmer colors, while this one reflects colder colors, making it look almost silvery at times. This is achieved by fabric choices (which are again gorgeous! I wonder if whatever fabric retailer they went to thought they were making some extravagant wedding gowns).

Let’s start with the silhouette, with yet another bonus Wei Wuxian because of reasons. Fun fact, I was about to despair getting a full body shot of him for this, because there isn’t anything that works until this one at the end of episode 23.

While his previous outfit had no cloud embroidery, this one has a very big and obvious one on the front panel (there’s some also on his shoulders, you’ll see it later when we get to details). This makes perfect sense from the story point of view, which I’ll talk about in the context section.

This outfit sees a lot of action, and the silhouette reflects that, immediately as we see it we can tell he’s ready to mess you up. What’s unusual is that the sash (again the criss-cross type we usually see on him) is on top of the robe that hangs open while usually the sash is under it. This is primarily the detail that makes it look so action-y. Also the top layer has no sleeves, which I think is a good choice, since the fabric is heavier, and the lightweight sleeves move particularly well while he’s fighting. Also you can kind of see here on his left sleeve (on the right above, and I have a better image later) that the second robe in fact has two layers of fabric, an opaque layer covered with a sheer one, they separate a bit near his elbow which is why you can see through. Another detail which doesn’t add that much on the screen, but must have been awesome when wearing it and knowing the care put in it by the costume department.

Seriously, just look how gorgeous that fabric of the top layer is, and the second robe is actually trimmed with it at the collar as well to tie the look together. I also really like the cloud embroidery there at the shoulders as a finishing touch.

Here at the sleeve end you can see the sheer layer sewn on top of the opaque layer. Which, btw, is tricky to cut and sew so that nothing is pulling or bunching, especially with the volume going on here, so kudos to whoever did it. The fact we can only tell by carefully paying attention means they did it perfectly. With a bonus Suibian for crying potential.

A couple of more, mostly because they amuse me:

He’s back in his boring boots again, which is why this outfit lost out on the Most Extra™ contest despite the shininess. Also not in focus, but he’s wielding a temporary sword since Bichen is still in Qishan and they get it back only in the next episode.

An accessory! I don’t know why he’s carrying his qin physically rather than in the dimensional hole he usually has it in, however that one works, but just look at the fabric of the cover, again super gorgeous. Also Yanli who is looking very fond and delights me.

The Context

This, we might say, is the ultimate form of Second Jade of Lan LWJ pre-timeskip, especially at the beginning, and the prominent embroidery of the Sect’s cloud pattern broadcasts it. As I’ve said earlier, white outfits are for when his duty calls, and right here it definitely is. If in the previous one he was angry and mourning, now his anger has turned into a cold fury to fuel his purpose, which at the beginning is to take his home back from the Wens. They succeed, but that’s not the end of the duty. They know that as long as Wen Ruohan has the Yin Iron, no one is safe, and the war must be fought to the end.

Soon enough, another cause comes calling for his heart, which is of course WWX, at first missing, and later changed and occasionally downright scary. I’d say, when he was still missing, it didn’t cause much of a conflict for LWJ, because finding him went neatly together with taking down the Wen Sect, and so he was still doing his part in the war while looking for WWX. It’s only after he comes back that LWJ is really starting to experience the conflict of his loyalties, for which the seeds were sown already earlier when he fell for WWX and acknowledged it to himself. Episode 21 is where we see him for the first time actually questioning his teachings, since he is facing a situation where the rules he’s been taught are the truth of the world do not feel right. I doubt that LXC’s answer gave him much comfort.

When they’re in the middle of the action after they’ve reconciled, it actually goes fairly well, they work together as seamlessly as we’ve seen them to be able to up until the zombies get too powerful and WWX brings out the Stygian Tiger Amulet, after which there is no peace of mind for LWJ.

LWJ is smart and perceptive, and he is aware of exactly how much WWX has changed. He understands how disturbing the revenge taken on Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao as well as everyone else in their vicinity was, more than necessary, and he’s understandably worried about WWX’s state of mind. He also doesn’t really have tools to reach him, with WWX backing away every time he pushes. I also think LWJ is aware there’s something going on with why WWX is not wielding his sword, more than just arrogance and whimsy, but he doesn’t know how to ask about it. All throughout, he does prod at WWX, but ultimately backs away before there is another as serious conflict as the one that happened in Yunmeng.

(Let’s take a moment to be devastated about the fact the above conversation happened at the same spot from which WWX later fell.)

As I said, at the beginning while wearing this outfit, LWJ was the ultimate form of Second Jade of Lan, and so it is significant that the last we see of him is deliberately breaking rules. He has made a choice to try to help WWX with all the resources he has, and so the next time we see him, his costume also reflects this turn of the tide.

If screencapping this one was emotional, I expect the next two to be even worse, which is a cheerful thought. I’m starting to think that maybe this series was a mistake😅 Anyway, pushing onward.

(You can find the rest of this series via “lwj costume series” tag below, or through my blog contents page. I’d link, except we know how this site is…)

[winchesterandpie]

Your Hand in My Hand (Fili x reader)

Pairing: Modern!Fili x reader

Modern!AU

Word Count: 1876

Warnings: pretty much just fluff!

A/N: So, guess who forgot until now that today is Fili Friday? That’s right, this girl! But I remembered, so you actually get this on Fili Friday! Based on the song “Die A Happy Man” by Thomas Rhett - it came on my spotify and this just kinda... happened? (Btw, link goes to the music video) Anyways, it hasn’t really been proofread, but hopefully there aren’t any glaring errors. Gif is not mine (got it from Google). Lyrics are in italics. Hope you enjoy!

Baby last night was hands down

One of the best nights

That I've had no doubt

Between the bottle of wine

And the look in your eyes and the Marvin Gaye

Then we danced in the dark under September stars in the pourin' rain

“Fili, look! It’s raining!” you nudged his arm excitedly as the falling droplets began to sound against the porch roof above them, though it didn’t drown out the old radio next to you.

“I see it, love,” Fili chuckled. You were too fascinated by the rain pouring down just a few feet away from you to see him looking down softly at you. He could live on the sight of you lighting up at the little joys you took from life. 

“Well? Don’t just sit there! C’mon!” You were slipping out from under his arm, standing up from the porch swing before he could react.

“What are you doing?”

“You promised me a dance in the rain! I’m cashing it in!” 

“Love, it’s pouring,” he said as though you couldn’t see it. 

“That’s… that’s the point, Fee.”

“I don’t want you catching hypothermia.” You grinned up at him, utterly unconcerned about the possibilities, your only care in the world was getting to dance with Fili in the rain. 

“I… Just one, alright?” You were his only soft spot, as his brother often teased him when they visited. He let you tug him up from his seat, using his other hand to turn up the music before pulling you into him with surprising speed. 

His hand on your hip was probably the only thing keeping you from melting into him as you tried to keep up with him through the twists and turns. It wasn’t long before you were both soaked, your hair plastered to your head. Fili was still a little worried about your hypothermia risk but as your grin continued to sparkle up at him, his concern was fading to the background. 

When you giggled… oh when he heard you laugh with that reckless abandon, he was lost. One song turned into two, and more inevitably followed as you drowned in each other and the music.

And I know that I can't ever tell you enough

That all I need in this life is your crazy love

If I never get to see the Northern lights

Or if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night

Oh if all I got is your hand in my hand

Baby, I could die a happy man

A happy man, baby, hmm

The next morning, Fili looked over at you, still sound asleep on the other side of the bed. The lazy sunlight hadn’t disturbed you yet, allowing him a few more precious moments to trace the contours of your face with his adoring gaze. 

When you stirred, he immediately was concerned that he’d made some noise that disturbed you, but all you did was shift closer to him, cuddling into his chest before settling back down. Gently, he dropped a kiss to the top of your head, seized with the urge to express how utterly and completely in love he was with you. In his heart, he knew there were no words that could ever convey it fully but nothing would keep him from taking every opportunity to try.

With you held securely in his arms, his mind wandered to the dreams he’d had before meeting you. Now, they looked like nothing more than amusing diversions, for he was content to give all of them up if it meant waking up with you in his arms like this every morning.

Baby and that red dress brings me to my knees

Oh but that black dress makes it hard to breathe

You're a saint, you're a goddess, the cutest, the hottest, a masterpiece

It's too good to be true, nothing better than you

In my wildest dreams

Fili heard your footsteps on the stairs, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the sight of you. The black dress fit you just right and his breath hitched as you came toward him. 

“Is it ok?” You sounded nervous, almost timid as you asked, unsure how to interpret his stare.

“Darling, you…” He shook his head wonderingly, crossing the distance between you and grasping your upper arms as he looked you up and down again. Eventually, he realized he didn’t have words and opted to touch his forehead to yours instead. Blush spread across your cheeks faintly at the sheer depth of love in his gaze.

“How did I get so lucky?” he whispered, his lips brushing against yours with every word until he gave in and kissed you thoroughly.

I don't need no vacation, no fancy destination

Baby, you're my great escape

We could stay at home, listen to the radio

Or dance around the fireplace

Fili could really do with a vacation. That’s what he told himself as he returned from work, tired of dealing with the endless meetings, uncooperative colleagues, and clients that were occasionally downright rude.

You knew something was off when you heard the door shut and Fili didn’t call out a greeting to you as he usually did. Just as well you’d decided to make his favorite for dinner when you’d gotten off work early today. Still, his sweet tooth made you think it might be better to take him a plate of dessert first. Going with that idea, you cut a slice of the confection for the both of you.

He didn’t look over as you set the dessert on the side table, barely reacting as you settled next to him on the couch. 

“You wanna talk about it?” you offered quietly. Fili shook his head but finally turned to you, allowing you to see the exhaustion written over every inch of him. Gently, but insistently, you tugged him into your embrace. 

Slowly, he melted into you, his nose pressed into the crook of your neck as your fingers carded through his hair. You smiled as Fili pressed a soft kiss where his lips rested on your skin, muttering a quiet “Thank you” against your neck.

Later in the evening, when dinner was gone and second helpings of dessert had disappeared from the plates, it was like the day at work and its gloom had disappeared as well. Your wildly exaggerated impression of an interaction at work had left him in stitches of laughter, and you were satisfied that he was alright. 

Doing the dishes together, the radio was on in the background as it so often was. His arms slid around your waist and you turned to face him. You giggled at the feigned indignant noise he made when you buried your soap-bubbly fingers into his blond hair.

Only you could ever make him feel weightless like this, make his troubles vanish as easily as the rising sun banished the night’s darkness.

And if I never get to build my mansion in Georgia

Or drive a sports car up the coast of California

Well if all I got is your hand in my hand

Baby, I could die a happy man

Strolling through the park, Fili couldn’t help but admire how you seemed to glow in the light of the lampposts. In all the time he’d known you, you’d turned his world upside down in so many ways. Plans he’d made long ago lay forgotten in distant memory. He found he didn’t mind the loss, so long as he had you smiling at him like you were now. 

Sure, he’d taken you on what he would consider the most romantic date of your relationship so far (not to pat himself on the back or anything), but it didn’t matter if all he’d done was put his arm around your shoulder absentmindedly at home. You always looked at him like he was your world. You certainly were his. 

Impulsively, he grasped your hand tighter and pulled you off the main path toward a less frequented one. 

“Fee, wait up! You know I can’t keep up in these shoes!” you giggled as you stumbled along after him.

“Sorry, love.” He grinned a little sheepishly, consciously slowing his pace so you were beside him. “I got excited.”

You didn’t say anything, but time seemed to slow for Fili as you returned a fond smile. That was all he needed to solidify his resolve as he slowed to a stop. You didn’t notice immediately, going a few steps farther before realizing he was no longer by your side.

“Fee?”

As you turned, your hand lifted to your mouth when you saw him on one knee in front of you. Blue eyes nervously met yours as his words seemed to stick in his throat. His stomach felt like it was full of butterflies? No, more like it was filled to the brim with hyperactive dragons.

“Y/N, I… I love you,” he started, nerves settling when he saw the emotion in your sparkling eyes. “Life’s been better since you’ve been by my side. I don’t mean that it’s necessarily gone smoothly because there was the time when the apartment caught fire, and the other time when I got fired, and then the one time we decided to go camping and nature decided there should be a blizzard… in September…” Fili cut himself off in the middle of his ramblings when you loosed a watery chuckle at the memories. 

“I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t really care what happens after this, because I know that I could get through anything so long as I’ve got your hand in my hand,” His blue gaze never left yours while he pulled the ring from his pocket before continuing. “So what do you say? Will you face it all with me? Will you marry me, love?”

Your mouth opened, but no words came out, so you shut it again and just nodded. You reached out with both hands as you approached him, falling into his embrace when you were close enough. He missed the feel of you as he pulled back just enough to cradle your cheek in his hand for a moment, brushing away the tears that slipped free. 

Just when he didn’t think it got any better, when he was ready to wish he could freeze that moment forever with you, you surged forward to kiss him and the world faded. You kissed him soundly, inexpressibly joyous and so in love with Fili. 

When the two of you finally parted slowly, you nudged his nose with yours as your eyes sparkled gleefully, not quite ready for it to be over. Gently, he lifted your left hand to press a kiss to the knuckles before sliding the ring onto your finger. 

Eventually, of course, you had to return to your apartment, so he offered his hand for you to take. Without hesitation, you intertwined your fingers with his, impulsively leaning close to steal another quick kiss to his lips before allowing him to lead the way home. As you walked hand in hand, he gazed wonderingly down at you, unsure exactly how he’d gotten so lucky as to have you love him so. 

And oh how he loved you in return.

Thanks for reading guys!! Love you all!

Forever Tags:

@riddikulus-obsessions​ @addictionmarvel​ @peppermint--teas​ @mercedesbarnes​ @javapeach​ @thophil2941btw

Modern!Dwarves Tags:

@random-thoughts-003​

If you want to be added to my tag list, just shoot me a message or an ask! If your tag isn’t underlined, then it wouldn’t let me tag you, I’m so sorry!!

[riskeith]

awwww i’m here now darling so you better feel amazing <33333

ok miss i see the subtle flex you just pulled on me, just say your team is op and go... :pp jk!! no but yeah if you’re stronger than the goddamn bosses it usually goes easily. can’t say i’ve seen those days in a while tho rip

YOU ARE MY BABY!!!!!! you could do a doodle for me and i’ll literally cry abt it until i die. ooooh that seems good tho??? especially ningguang and beidou... the ladies are making a comeback 🥴 i agree with you actually!! i’d love for chongyun to come back (so you can get his c6 mostly) and for selfish reasons i want razor to come back to... bc boy scouts. i really want the boy scouts... hope it happens soon tho 🥺

speaking of boy scouts i just got him.... xingqiu.. i felt so bad bc i know how much you want him... :( but i didn’t get any xiangling so. i lost successfully shskdhsk. also I WISH they had cross-server co-op more than ever at this moment bc then we could do our chongyun + xingqiu dates... 🥺

cluna you’re literally so cool! you work through them? help couldn’t be me. i get super annoyed and if it’s not working i’ll just let it go and write something else instead shskdhdksk. for instance, i was working on this fic two months ago and i got really far into it when i hit a writers block. so, its just been collecting dusts for months now. a couple days ago i accidentally stumbled upon it and realize the potential it had so i might pick it up sksjdkd. i was literally prepared to just let it rot like so many other fics i write. so yeah idk sometimes i just give up because it’s easier even if it hurts me bc i spent so much time writing them sjshdkdj. yikes.

right?? and when you write a fic that takes place during the day you can get inspired by the atmosphere outside!! and yes!! i have to study outside i can’t get anything done at home. i used to be able to do that when i was younger but now it feels sooo impossible. especially with online school and stuff. either i go to a library, cafe or school. although most of these are closed now so i have to book a room somewhere to study. do you have a specific area at home where you write or can you just sit down anywhere and study?

for sure!! if i had the space i’d absolutely consider buying more books. right now i just have them scattered around everywhere (even some in my makeup drawer shdjdh). do you have a bookshelf? 🥺 that’s so pretty...! what are some of your other favorites btw? oh grade school is basically class 1 to 9... so from 6 years old to 15? girl no worries i know how difficult it is to understand all of that. when my friends used to explain their countries school systems before i’d just sit like owl eyes.

THE ALBEDO FANART!!!!! during his quest i took sooo many screenshots god he’s just perfect. he’s such a gentle and sweet boy ughhhhh.... he’s been gone for 2 days and i already miss him. and xiao and aether are just... yeah... i love how everyone ships aether with the boys yet i don’t think i’ve ever seen lumine shipping fanart? let’s just say gay rights and leave it at that.

BEFORE I CLICKED ON THE LINK I HAD A FEELING IT WOULD BE THAT POST.... literally us!!!! don’t make one in america no worries!! idk why my acc was set to that lmao. i’ll make one in asia tonight and just hustle for a few weeks until i reach co-op (i think it was ar 15?) plus i really want aether so i’m kind of not so stressed about it tbh? god i’m actually so exciiiiiteeeeed...... 😭 you gotta promise you’ll help me with domains and bosses tho you’re gonna be at a much higher rank than me while i’ll just be a little nooby girl. 😭

thank you so much for the encouragement!!! ♥️

today i didn’t keep you waiting too long, hehe. i missed you too much. but you’re porobably asleep now though :( oh well, can’t wait to hear from you my love <333

hiya!! i’m still up bc i miscalculated the length of a fic chdjcnskjd and thought to check if you’d sent anything before i went to sleep!! made me v excited to see there was not only 1 but 2 asks from you hehe (also it’s 2am rn so apologies for any incoherence!!)

AHAHAH fjskdjskdn genuinely tho,,, i’m really happy with my team rn LOL. and noooo you’ll get there someday!! before your world level increases and you’re stuck being many levels below the bosses again fhdjdjkd it’s a cycle 😩

NFKSKDLAKS i wish i could manage even a doodle… drawing hair is literally my worst nightmare (along with drawing anything else tbh) and all the genshin charas have such complex layered hair ugh it’s like they don’t want me to even try. yass beiguang (idk if that’s their ship name) actual queens 👑. razor!!!! what a good boye. i love his idle animation so much, pls he deserves everything 🥺🥺 and you deserve to get the boy scouts!!! can’t wait for that day to come <33

AHHH!!!! no don’t feel bad i’m so happy for you omg… live out all my xingqiu-having dreams for me please 😩😩😩😩 our xingyun dates!!!! some day it’ll be a reality <333

DHJAJSHS nooooo fuck writer’s block 😤😤😤 but i hope you’re able to finish that fic now!! (vaguely, if you prefer) what’s it about? also i have plenty of fics/ideas just rotting too, but that’s usually bc i get caught up in a new idea which i like more ? i think? lmao so yeah i definitely do give up on my fics too omg wait do you have those fics where you’re like omg this concept is god tier i’m so big brained and then you write out a scene and then it’s like … wtf do i do with this now? HAHAHAH like my attention span is slowly too short to write any long af fics, i can’t stay dedicated or interested enough for that but a lot of the ideas i have have the potential to be those 300k 40 chapter slow burn etc etc so there are so many docs in my drive that are just. works with like 2-3 written scenes and an entirely fleshed out plan but i know i’ll never actually end up writing it bc of aforementioned factors lolllll. that’s another reason why i think about just releasing all my wips some day! so people can see all the ideas im unable to execute jfjsndns. do you [like] writing super long fics like that? i admire your tenacity if you do ahah

agreeeeeed <3 and oh i see!! i always feel like people who don’t study at home are so studious fjskdksk it gives off that kinda vibe for me 🤪 and i have a study! so i usually do most of my work there. sometimes tho when i get bored and if i’m not watching a lecture i’ll sit on my couch or on the floor and change things up a bit lolol

djxkkakdks omg don’t let your makeup ruin the books.. or is the makeup more important djskskks. i do have a bookshelf!! it has like… 6 levels? and it’s all full 😳😳 other faves are defs the hunger games (catching fire >>>>>>>>) and you know the others like percy jackson, divergent, the mortal instruments. oh and the maze runner!!!!!!! the prequel (? sequel???) is probably one of the recent books i’ve actually read, even tho that was like back in 2017 lmao. i liked the john green stuff too.. just a lot of the like. basic ones LMAO. hbu??

6-15??? damn that’s an interesting range djsksk i guess the closest for us would be primary school which covers ages 6-12!

albedo is legit SO prettt and for what. his hair, his eyes, his soft spoken manner. ugh 😩😩😩 and taking a bunch of screenshots is a big mood!! ooo i’ve seen some lumine ones but yeah def not a lot ! (i know there’s discourse surrounding that lmao) but yes gay rights 😤 wait that reminds me i saw the cutest razor pic the other day and saved it i’ll show you when i’m in a more awake state to attach the image fjdjnd

!!!!!! ours minds… actually connected 🧠

okay that sounds good!!! and yeah wtf why does co-op unlock so like late lol let us play together NOW 😤 and good luck with starting again!! and have fun with aether hehe we’ll be able to have both ours meet 🤪🤪 AND YES I PROMISE!!!! i’ll carry you until we’re both the same AR and we can suffer fighting bosses together <3 you can just sit back and watch me do all the work 🤪 i’m super excited too!!! 🤩🤩🤩 and thank you for doing thisss even tho i know you said you don’t mind but still!! 💗💘💝💕💓💗💞

no problem!!! i believe in you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

eagerly (but patiently) anticipating your response~ xo!

[hydradrive]

Go Hellnalysis (aka : hydradrive gets mad at the fanbase for ignoring go’s ongoing 2 season long breakdown for like, 5+ paragraphs)

We are talking S1 foreshadowing as it relates to the facts of S2. As already mentioned, I think it sucks of the writers to do it to him like how it sucks how they treated Emma and Aoi throughout the entire series and reeks of colorism like. having your two darkest skinned characters be actively antagonistic as s2 goes on is a bad fucking look. 

But it’s there, and I am not happy that people defend Lightning weirdly when he treats people he knew for years badly, and then turn around and say wildly fucked up shit about Go.

I guess today is the day i Get Into It Again. I’ll be rehashing some of my points from my old thread on nac, so strap in i guess.

This is said to Playmaker in season two. 

‘After i lost to you’. 

So, by episode 4. And the text backs this up. The text in season one aligns.

In Go Onizuka VS Genome :

[ transcript for subbed text: 

Dr. Genome : Did your defeat at Playmaker’s hands force you to evolver? 

Go Onizuka : As much as I hate to admit it, yes. That was when everything changed. 

/end text screenshot id ]

That was when everything changed.

Let’s look at the rest of it, then. How it affected him, in the long-term. The Go Analysis... Is here.

MASSIVE CWs for discussion of canonical weight loss, brief discussion of disordered eating in the context of that, and a whole bunch of other stuff re: the brain hack that I don’t even know how to tag, really. medical? Basically, if you have any triggers relating to that, please exercise due diligence because I will not pull any punches about the implications.

tldr version :

This is real dialogue from Go Onizuka’s first (and only) duel against Revolver. 

No matter what he says trying to spin it a different way after this segment of text, that it’s about fighting for yourself, these statements exist, and they exist with the context given by his own words; that he was struggling, mental health-wise, when he said these words.

[ transcript for subbed text: 

Go Onizuka : Until now, I’ve battled in front of huge crowds. (There is a single beat frame, to indicate silence.) But I realized I’m all alone. There are no fans rooting for me here. I realized... We always duel alone. We fight for ourselves, not for anyone else. 

/end text screenshot id ]

But perhaps this isn’t compelling enough for people. Fine. Let’s go even further back.

[ transcript for subbed text for screen readers : Go Onizuka : It’s my fault that Makoto is in this condition. /end text screenshot id ]

Go has an easily seen habit of assuming the worst, and with regards to stuff like Makoto, blaming himself, to the point that if his manager hadn't said more on Makoto, he would've been going into VS Genome blaming himself for Makoto getting into duel monsters in the first place.

In episode 5 it was shown that with one loss he was entirely certain that nobody would care about him in any capacity:

But why?

... It’s brought up in one of the first episodes of the entire series.

[ transcript for subbed text for screen readers : 

Go Onizuka’s Manager : That’s exactly it. It’s a winner-take-all world, after all. 

/end text id. ]

And given an even more... depressing? Spin later, when Go thinks about it throughout S1 and S2 during his duel with Takeru:

[ transcript for screen readers : 

Before I was placed in the orphanage, I only relied on myself. The world I lived in was all about survival of the fittest. “You must protect yourself” was my credo. 

/ end text screenshot id ]

It’s genuinely that simple. He slipped back into his old way of surviving because the way he did in season one didn't. save him. it didn't save him from a duel he needed to win, not just for himself necessarily. he would have died if playmaker had lost. a lot of people would have. He was already starting to have these doubts about his entire reason d’etre for dueling, and his loss only further spurred it on.

It’s repeated, again and again:

[ transcript for screen readers :

Go Onizuka : For everyone to appreciate me, I must win! 

/end text screenshot id ]

That sentiment. “People won’t like me if I lose.” “People will abandon me, if I lose.” In his own words, his losses, losses in duels that were important, rotted him. And it /is/ true. His manager said he’d leave if he went to try and stop the Tower Of Hanoi and lost. And he followed through with it, by all implications. He didn’t come back until season 3. Keeping in mind that Go’s self-hatred spiral regarding guilt over in his mind dragging Makoto into the mess that was season one-era Hanoi shenanigans was only cut off because his manager and other people talked him out of it... Yeah.

This is before we bring in the other complicating factor : a certain little company, who never did anything good for anyone. A man, who despite supposedly being well-intentioned, did very little to help, until it reached the darkest point.

[ transcript for subbed text for screen readers, since that’s the primary important stuff : 

Akira Zaizen : But we don’t intend to acknowledge that the network was on the brink of destruction. So I ask you don’t cause the press to delve into this. 

/end text screencap id]

People focus so much on him yelling at the press because they keep asking about Playmaker but with this context?

[ transcript text for screen readers: 

Akira Zaizen: You’ll continue to be the focus of the press. /end text screenshot id ]

He’s not allowed to talk about how you nearly died.

He’s not allowed to talk about what really was at stake.

In fact, he’s not allowed to even act in a way that makes people even a little suspicious about what happened.

And yet.

‘But he could just ignore this advice’ . Not really. Go Onizuka’s platform was built in Link Vrains. Being the whistleblower about the actual danger of Link Vrains would not endear him to Sol, and potential backlash from Sol, from everything we know about the company? Hmm, gosh, wonder why that might be bad. Almost as if Go is basically a livestreamer who is at risk of having the video platform he exists on die.

It would be incredibly difficult to continue working under the public eye like that. The stress from that alone would start tearing someone to pieces.

Ergo, his decision to work for Sol Technologies as a bounty hunter. Both jobs now hinge on him currying favor with a horrible megacorporation, one just has less baggage from his past way of surviving and gives him the ability to talk a tiny bit more freely about things.

This is all the leadup, of course, to the ultimate lowest point. The duel chip. Brain hack.

[ transcript text for screen readers: ‘By implanting this duel chip, the brain’s thought capabilities expand.’ /end text screenshot id ]

[ transcript text for screen readers: 

Akira Zaizen: You can always refuse.

Go Onizuka : Your methods are dirty. You guide me to the gates of hell, but you don’t care what happens afterwards.  /end text screenshot id ] 

Let’s talk about the physical side-effects of the brain chip on Go Onizuka.

Me, personally? I genuinely wonder what came first; the most severe physical side-effects or a worsening of Go’s mental health that made him stop eating. 

It’s never stated what came first. We only see the mental health side effects of the chip in flashbacks initially.

I looked at one of the instances where Akira pulled go out of the sim wrt: the listed sys/dia ratios on-screen. They have those in certain shots, btw! They’re consistently really fucked up!

Here’s what those were, in one very notable instance:

... So, right off the bat, a heartrate of 195, huh.

And a sys/dia of 187/112 with a mean of 136. Wow! I wonder what that means for him!

I can tell you. 

He statistically would be in the range of having a hypertensive emergency. Having rates like this can damage your heart muscle when you don’t literally have a heart attack, hypertensive encephalopathy, ( which can cause dizziness and altered levels of consciousness, if we are getting into it.), kidney failure, coughing up blood...

I don’t want to speculate too much about why the Duel Chip caused this, but I will note that blood pressures like this sometimes come about as result of issues with the neuroendocrine system. This would tie in with a loss of appetite and some of the other things Go seems to canonically have had from the getgo of having the chip installed, and probably added on to his already pre-existing mental health stuff which I personally parsed as depression.

... I think this mostly covers the main points of what gets missed. Aka, literally all of his arc. Just, literally every piece of his arc. People miss all of it.

Also, to reiterate : it is NOT GOOD the way this is framed by the writers. it is loaded to, in a series heavily informed by the main character’s trauma, have a teenaged darker skin character ( Go is 19!! ) be portrayed as more erratic, etc etc. I do Not care about Lightning. He is a little robot, and while there is probably some ableism in the way trauma is represented therein as a corrupting force, it is far more worrying how Go is treated in terms of representation, and I am not going to bat for the guy who treated Haru like dogshit lmao. 

The fact that one of the two darker skinned MOC is given more obvious mental/physical illness signifiers in terms of symptoms to mark them as antagonists (when, again, Yusaku literally CANONICALLY HAS PTSD) fucking blows, and I’m going to personally fight the writers. 

But. I am also laying the blame at the fanbase’s feet for this shit, too. They literally ignored this to coo over Lightning. I’m going to bite them.

[0106mei]

never ever || s.r

(father!steve rogers x daughter!reader)

for @barnes-parker PASENSYA SA LATENESS KO DKSKKSKSKSKS i got busy ay sus ;-;

summary: steve’s returning the stones to their proper time streams, and the reader finds out about his plans to stay with peggy in the past. to the reader’s surprise, he returns.

word count: 2747

warnings: angst, fluff?¿

a/n: OKAY. i’m hella pumped to write this bad boy over here. i know it took me ages to write but i think you guys’ll like this one. i got inspired by some fanart by @anitheas so i’ll link it down below so i don’t spoil anything! ;) (love all her work btw y’all should check her out <3)

If you could describe yourself in one word after everything was over, you’d probably say you felt numb.

Everything hurt, from the physical pain of literally being thrown across the shrapnel of the compound by Thanos himself, to the mental and emotional pain of losing Natasha and Tony, without even being able to say your last goodbyes. 

Sure, you’d won the battle, but was it even worth it when you’d lost two of your mentors in the process? Moving on would be difficult, that was for sure, but you knew you weren’t alone. You had your family. From Steve, to Sam, to Bucky and even Wanda, you knew you had your back covered. They’d be there with you through thick and thin, or ‘til the end of the line, as Steve and Bucky so often said. You felt comfortable, at home— almost. 

You had been chatting and playing with Morgan and Peter when you’d heard Steve, Sam and Bucky’s conversation. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but when your name came up in the middle of their chat, you excused yourself from the duo and sneakily made your way towards the room they were speaking in. You leaned in to hear their voices as best as you could.

“You’re doing what-?” Bucky asked incredulously, trying his best to comprehend what his best friend had just told him. Steve sighed, he knew Bucky would’ve reacted that way, despite his usual understanding and respectful ways.

“I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but I saw her when I went back. Buck, you gotta understand. When I saw her, all I could think about was wanting to be with her. Now that we have the technology to do so, I might just do it, y’know? You could even come with me.” Steve tried to compromise, but you could see Bucky shake his head in slight denial. Sam began to speak, “You’re crazy Steve. I’m trying my best to understand and be open about this, but when I think about it, you’re leaving a lot of things behind, man. What about the kid?” 

You noticed Steve pause for a minute before merely shrugging it off. That hurt. Deciding you didn’t want to hear anymore of their conversation, you returned to where you had been previously, not realizing the squeaky floorboard had caught their attention. Bucky sighed, looking from where you’d just left, then back to Sam and Steve. “Look, Steve, she’s going through a lot. Now, I won’t stop ya from going back in time to stay with Peggy, but maybe you should at least think about it. I’m gonna go talk to the kid.” He mumbled, shuffling off to go look for you, leaving Steve and Sam in the empty room.

All that coping you’d done felt like nothing now. Peter and Morgan had now noticed your sullen demeanour at this point, both of them reaching to ask if you were okay. You shrugged them off, plainly excusing your sadness for exhaustion, telling them you’d be off for a nap in one of the other rooms nearby. How could you tell them you were losing a father figure, when they’d just recently lost theirs? You didn’t want to bring that upon them, especially now that they were getting better. Once you’d disappeared into the guest room Pepper had supplied to you, you closed the door and began to let the tears fall freely from your (e/c) eyes. It had been days since you’d cried over Natasha and Tony, and now that you were hearing about Steve wanting to leave, you felt like you were placed back at square one. This was too much for you, you thought. 

You were just a kid after all. 

You should be going to school, doing homework, going to dances and living your best life. But then again, you weren’t really normal to begin with. Enhanced, had been on the run, snapped out of existence and returned once more, just to have everything stripped away from you. You felt weak, insecure. The thought of Steve leaving made you beyond upset. Maybe you were being over dramatic, but nobody was there to tell you that. Did he not love you like he said he did? Did he want kids that were actually his, biologically? Questions upon questions pent up inside your head, only to be disrupted by a knock on your door. Quickly wiping your eyes and nose with the Kleenex left by your bedside, you croaked a loud enough ‘come in’, to whoever it was. 

To your surprise, Bucky had stepped in, closing the door behind him. Looking at your face, it was as if he knew how you were feeling. He quickly scooped your fragile frame into his arms, embracing you as if he were going to break you if he held you too tight. You could tell he was feeling the same, having been with Steve through thick and thin. He carried a guilt with him that only you could really decipher. You reciprocated the hug, trying to muffle the sob that threatened to come out of you once more. You stayed like that for another minute or two, before pulling away to see that Bucky had tears of his own streaming down his face. After wiping his own away, he was quick to wipe yours with the sleeve of his jacket. You moved over, letting him take a seat as you felt the bed dip beside you. Sitting in a comfortable silence, Bucky was first to break it after about five or so minutes.

“Listen..I know you heard our conversation.” He started, and you froze. “I’m not mad, if that’s what you’re thinkin’, Doll. He was like a father to you, and I understand you’re upset. You wanna talk about it?” He asked, genuinely concerned for your well being. You were grateful for Bucky. If Steve wasn’t there for you to talk to, Bucky was. 

You leaned on his chest a little. “It’s- I don’t know. Maybe I’m being irrational- or selfish- whatever. I just- he was like my dad, Buck. I even called him dad!” You ranted, sighing as Bucky rubbed comforting circles on your back. “I just don’t think I’m ready to lose him. Not after I saw Peter losing Tony. He was so devastated, and after losing Nattie, I don’t know if I could handle losing Steve too. It’d be too much for me. I know you and Sam and Wanda and all of ‘em are here too, I just— I don’t know. Steve was there for me during everything. You of all people should know this, you’re his best friend for fucks’ sake.” You continued, as he nodded in understanding. The tears brimmed in your eyes again. “If he left...” You murmured, unable to finish the sentence as you began to cry again. Bucky wrapped his arms around you again, saddened by how broken you sounded. 

“Doll, I know you’re upset, trust me, I am too. But we gotta be strong. I know you are, Steve practically raised you to be. We can get through this, you and I.” He reassured you, and you sniffled in response. “I’m just gonna miss him a lot..” You looked up at him, Bucky’s eyes full of many emotions. You smiled sadly at him. “Could you tell me about her?” You asked, as he ruffled your hair. “Oh boy, was that ever a time.” He went on, smiling at you as you listened to his stories. At least he was getting your mind off the situation, even if just for a little bit. Once he’d finished, he looked at you with a slight smile on his face as well. “Now listen here (y/n), you’re not being irrational, or selfish for the way you feel, you’re just being human, much like the rest of us. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you feel, ever. Okay?” He explained, as you nodded. Hugging him once more, you mumbled a quiet, yet sincere thank you to Bucky, before he left your room to go find Sam and Steve. Looking to the rose barrette Steve had gifted you a couple years back, you clutched it gently to your chest before letting the exhaustion take over as your eyes fluttered shut.

Someone shaking you had caught your attention quickly. Your eyes opened in a flash. You may have however sat up to quickly, for your head had collided straight into whoever had just woken you up. “Ow- fuck!” You hissed in pain, clutching the spot on your forehead that had just been hit. Once your hazy vision subsided, you realized that it was Sam you’d bumped heads with. “Sorry, man. Didn’t realize I’d sleep almost eight hours.” You apologized, as he tousled up your bed head a bit more. “No sweat, kiddo. Just thought I’d wake you up and ask how you were. Bucky told me about what happened.” He explained, sitting at the foot of the bed as you stretched. “Eh..better? I mean, I’m not crying anymore so that’s gotta count for something, right?” You tried to joke, though you knew Sam could read right through your bluff. “I’m dreading this moment, Sam.” You admitted with a sigh, looking at the time on your phone. You smiled sadly at the lock screen.

It was a candid photo of you and Steve sharing earbuds, listening to the music he’d missed out on over the decades. You were talking as Steve was laughing. You remembered when you asked Clint to send you that photo. It had been your lock screen photo ever since. Even when you had upgraded your phone to a newer edition, you’d kept that photo with you on every device you owned. You wished you could go back to a simpler time, one where you didn’t worry about losing the only father figure you had.

Sam wrapped you up in a quick one armed hug. “I know.” He mumbled as you leaned into his touch a little bit, pulling away after that. “I’ll let you get ready, just meet us outside when you are.” With a silent nod, Sam let himself out, shutting the door behind him to leave yourself to look at least a little less sad and messy. Stretching again, you stood up and looked through the clothes you’d brought with you, which hadn’t been much. Putting on the grey jumper Wanda had given you for Christmas and a simple pair of jeans, you headed out the room of your door and slipped on your shoes as you exited the lake house.

Steve was caught up in talking to Sam and Bucky once more, probably saying goodbye. So you stood next to Bruce in the meantime. “You okay, little miss?” He asked, as you merely shrugged in response. “I guess. Could be better.” You mumbled. He didn’t press on further, seeing as you looked like you didn’t wanna talk about it. When Steve noticed you, a sad smile reached your face as you made your way over to your dad.

On instinct, he wrapped you up in a hug. It was warm, and it felt like home. Your throat felt dry. This would be your last hug, you thought, before pulling away. You looked at him, blue eyes boring into your (e/c) ones. You weren’t gonna cry, you were gonna be strong. He placed a hand on your cheek.

“I’m proud of you, sweetheart. You know that, right?” He began, as you nodded slowly. He took that as a sign to continue. “I’ve known you ever since you were given to your grandparents, and I’ve watched you grow and become this young lady I’m proud to call my daughter. Even if we’re not related by blood, you’ll still be like my own child.” He adds, and you suddenly feel like you’re crying again. Steve frowns a bit, wrapping you up in another embrace. “I love you, dad.” You whispered, as he held you close.

“I love you too.” He crooned, pulling away to wipe your tears quickly. “This isn’t goodbye, y’know? It’s more of a...see you later.” He comforted you, gently kissing the top of your head. You nodded, smiling at him with teary eyes. “Take care of Peggy, okay?” You told him, his eyes growing wide when you’d said her name. He kissed the top of your head one more time as you stood back next to Bucky. Lifting up Thor’s hammer- the name of it you never seemed to remember-, and the case that contained the stones, he stood up onto the platform.

“How long will this take?” Sam asked, to which Bruce responded. “For us? About five seconds. For him? As long as he needs.” Sam nodded, watching Steve as Bruce readied the machine.

“Sending you back in three...two...one.” He counted down, and with the press of a few switches and a button, Steve was gone in a flash. You couldn’t contain it anymore. Your knees had buckled, and Bucky was quick to be by your side as you fell to your knees in tears. It was over, he was gone. He was going to fulfill the life he’d always wanted with Peggy. Bucky rubbed your back gently, whispering comforting words in your ear in hopes to make you feel better. Sam was also at your side in an instant, holding you as sobs wracked your throat. Bucky stood, looking to Bruce as he struggled with trying to bring back Steve. 

A loud noise erupted from the time machine, catching Bucky and Sam’s attention quickly. They stood, alarmed, rushing towards the platform.

Bucky let out a gasp. “Steve..?”

There on the platform stood Steve Rogers, but not the Steve Sam or (y/n) would remember. He’d definitely gotten shorter, that was for certain. “What happened..?” Sam asked, as Steve analyzed himself. He’d gone back to the skinny self he’d remembered he was back in the 40’s. He was short, but he didn’t feel sick. He’d lost all the initial muscle he’d gained because of the serum, but he didn’t feel the effects of his many medical conditions attacking him at once. Bruce pushed his glasses up, looking at Steve slightly. 

“The time travel must’ve messed with the serum in his body. Now he’s reverted back to the way he was before it.” Bruce explains to Sam, as Steve and Bucky make their way towards you. You looked upon your father figure in awe. Was this the Steve before everything? Before he’d been in the war, before the serum— before the ice? He was a lot shorter than you’d remembered, and there was no beefiness left, but he was still same old Steve regardless.

You took a step towards them. You were just a little taller than Steve now. Bucky smiled, as Steve took a glance at you. He smiled, and you wrapped your arms around his smaller frame, ensuring you didn’t hug too tight. He placed his arms around your back as you looked at him in awe. “What about..well, Peggy..?” You asked him, pulling away as the three of you made your way to the bench right by the lake. “Well, I thought about it, like Bucky said. I did see her, though. We talked for a bit, and I gave her the dance I owed her, but I knew she wasn’t the same Peggy from the 40’s. I told her about you.” He explained, sitting down next to you. “Well, I’m glad you’re back, dad.” You told him, the earnest tone in your voice making him perk up slightly. “Even when I look like this?”

You scoffed a bit as he motioned towards his skinny frame. “You’ll always be the Steve I see as my dad, no matter what you look like.” Bucky chuckled. “Now I’ve got two punks to take care of,” He joked, slinging his arms around yours’ and Steve’s shoulders as the three of you shared a laugh. Sam had joined you just a moment after. He stood next to the bench, looking out over the water.

“Something on your mind, Sammy?”

He shook his head. “Nothin’ really, I’m just glad the whole Thanos and the infinity stones bullshit is over.” He replied, as you nodded in agreement. You made room for him on the bench, listening to the three men as the spoke and cracked jokes every so often. You could finally rest.

art pieces: https://anitheas.tumblr.com/post/186640549746/me-chanting-over-and-over-he-should-have-come

taglist: @softboysebastianstan @xbuchananbarnes @barnes-parker

[frizz22]

Can you do a continuation of “Unexpected Deliveries” Where Hilda has to take her teething/fussy son with her to church and Faustus holds him during his sermon to help calm him down? Thank you, love your writing btw! :)

Notes: ellareadswitches, spellwood_is_life, sparkles21 all requested similar but have Hilda and Zelda swapped. Combined with the above prompt. Read on ao3

Note: part 1 here

Zelda watched as Hilda anxiously bounced Edward on her knee; trying to calm the little boy before he drew disapproving looks from the entire coven. Despite her sister’s efforts, Eddie’s small whines became progressively louder as Faustus tried to continue Black Mass over the disruption.

When a fourth member coughed pointedly, Faustus walked around the pulpit and strode over to them, still preaching. Blushing fiercely, Hilda made to gather up their belongings and leave.

“Sister Hilda,” Faustus murmured, losing his High Priest voice and lifting a brow. “I think all the boy needs is some movement, yes?” 

Hilda gave him a small nod, shrinking into herself at the attention and glares from everyone. “Yes, Father Blackwood, he is a bit restless. But I didn’t want to disturb... already have though, haven’t I? I just didn’t want to miss any part of Mass.” she finished meekly, dropping her eyes.

A small smile graced Faustus’ lips. “Nor should you,” he affirmed and then, to Hilda and everyone else’s astonishment, Faustus held out his hands. “May I?”

Slightly dumbstruck, Hilda passed Eddie over to Faustus along with the boy’s blanket.

Quickly and easily settling the babe on his hip, Faustus strode back to the front of the church and continued Mass as though there’d been no interruption.

Eddie frowned at first, unused to the warlock holding him, but as Faustus moved back and forth in front of the pulpit, the boy popped his thumb into his mouth and rested his head contentedly against Faustus’ shoulder.

Everyone else, while stunned, was able to refocus on Faustus’ sermon, Zelda, however, couldn’t process anything beyond how natural Faustus looked with a child on his hip. Couldn’t focus on anything but how he naturally rubbed a soothing hand along Eddie’s back, how smoothly he transferred the babe to his other hip when the boy grew heavy, and how expertly he caught Eddie’s blanket when it fell and offered it back to the babe.

Even when Mass ended, everyone filtering out and Faustus coming back over to hand a now sleeping Eddie back to Hilda, Zelda still hadn’t gotten over the scene.

It certainly didn’t help that Faustus smiled at her and winked before walking over to another witching family waiting for his counsel.

Blinking, Zelda couldn’t help but think back to the day Eddie was born. How she’d stood outside the birthing room after Cerberus had gone in to see his wife and new child and Faustus joined her. How he’d asked if she ever thought about marriage and children.

His last comment about testing the water hung in her mind as they collected their things and made their way out of the desecrated church. Zelda glanced over her shoulder once as they neared the door and found Faustus’ eyes on her despite how he was clearly talking to the witching family in front of him.

Fighting a blush, Zelda hurried after Hilda into the woods to walk home; teleporting would only wake Eddie.

Not missing her uncharacteristic silence, Hilda arched a brow at her. “Something on your mind?” She asked softly so as to not disturb her little boy now cuddled against her.

Feigning ignorance, Zelda hummed, though the blush she’d been fight crept onto her cheeks, betraying her.

A giggle escaped her sister and she shimmied the best she could while carrying Eddie. “Someone’s thinking about Faustus Blackwood again,” Hilda teased, “and maybe thinking about having more with him than whatever you normally have.”

Cheeks heating even further, Zelda lengthened her stride, so Hilda had to scurry to keep up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She retorted, trying to sound as foreboding as possible to dissuade Hilda, and her own thoughts, from going down that path.... because certainly Faustus hadn’t meant what he said a few months ago about marriage and children.

Snorting, Hilda fell into step with her again. “Whatever you say, Zelds. I just know what I saw in there, from both of you.”

She rounded on her sister. “Both of us!?” Zelda demanded, hating how easily she’d been baited.

A knowing smile quirked Hilda’s lips, but she just kept walking, the house almost in view now. “Zelds, please, you two have been dancing around each of since the academy. Why not stop and actually act like adults and...” she trailed off and smirked, eyes on the front porch.

Confused by her sister’s sudden silence, Zelda turned to follow her gaze; standing there, leaning confidently against the bottom of their porch railing, was Faustus.

Her eyes widened as her stomach fluttered, he must have teleported there immediately after his consultation.

Hilda breezed past him, thanking him once more for his help with Eddie, before heading in, stating she’d make some tea.

Following more slowly, Zelda schooled her face. “Faustus,” she greeted, “what can I do for you?”

A slow, sinful smile spread on his lips and Faustus arched a brow. “Well, I’ve been thinking,” he replied once she’d stopped in front of him. “And I think it’s time we finally do as we were intended to do for decades now.”

Lifting a brow of her own, Zelda tried to temper her expectations. “Oh? And what is it that we were intended to do, Faustus?”

With an elaborate flick of his wrist, a box appeared in Faustus’ hands. “Zelda Fiona Spellman,” he pushed off the railing and closed the distance between them. “Will you do me the dishonor of marrying me?” He opened the box to reveal twin turtle dove hearts.

Overwhelmed by the emotions swirling through her, Zelda merely nodded before throwing her arms around Faustus’ neck and kissing him senseless.

~~~ 

3 years later

Zelda gripped the sheets underneath her as she rode out another contraction, Hilda soothingly patting her calf as she measured how dilated Zelda was.

Slumping against the pillows behind her once it passed, Zelda turned her head, breathing heavily, and caught sight of a certain warlock creeping out the door. “Faustus Blackwood!” She snarled, her husband freezing with one hand on the door jam, shoulders hunching at being caught. “If you don’t get back in here this instant—" her threat trailed off as another contraction hit.

Sheepishly, he came back into the room, stopping next to her. “I just, I—" he fumbled, clearly still as uncomfortable in a birthing room now as he’d been during Hilda’s unexpected delivery a few years before; his eyes looking everywhere but her lower half.

She grabbed his forearm in a vice-like grip to prevent him from inching away again. “I don’t care,” Zelda panted, swiping some sweaty hair from her face. “You’re staying right here until our child is born.”

“Dearest,” Faustus pleaded, face paling as he risked a glance to where Hilda was still positioned between her propped up legs. “I love you, I do, and I’ll love our child endlessly. But...” Whatever the rest of his argument would have been was cut off by a low growl emanating from the back of Zelda’s throat as a stronger contraction hit.

Hilda squeaked excitedly as Zelda bore down. “I see the head, Zelds, keep pushing, love. Almost done, you’ve got this, you’re doing so well.”

A shuddering breath of disbelief escaped Zelda, but she followed her sister’s instructions, clutching Faustus’ hand the entire time.

And then, then there was a cry.

Faustus made some wordless exclamation and moved towards the end of the bed, their linked hands stretching between them. “A girl,” he breathed, turning to grin at her widely, “we have a daughter.” His thumb stroked over the back of her hand unconsciously as he shifted to look at the babe again; apparently no longer bothered by the scene.  

When Hilda cut the umbilical cord and carefully wrapped the girl, handing her to Faustus, Zelda tried to push herself up a bit. “She’s healthy?” She asked, already reaching for her daughter, heart cracked wide open with warmth and love.  

Smiling widely, Hilda hummed. “Of course, Zelds. You’ve got a perfect little girl on your hands. Now,” she patted Zelda’s leg letting her know she was done and stood, stripping her gloves and vanishing them. “All you need to do is name her. I’ll give you two a minute.” She squeezed Zelda’s knee and patted Faustus’ arm before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

Faustus carefully handed the babe to her, immediately sitting on the bed next to her and wrapping an arm around her. “Zels,” he breathed, pressing a kiss against her temple. “She’s perfect. Has my hair,” he noted thickly, and Zelda smiled as she glanced at him, touching his cheek gently.

“She is perfect.” Zelda agreed, turning her attention back to the warm weight in her arms. “What shall we name her?”

Pressing against her more firmly as if he couldn’t get close enough, Faustus smiled tenderly. “Judith? Like Judas?”

Zelda couldn’t help but make a face. “We’re not naming her Judith.” She half laughed, looking at her husband with raised brows. “That’s no fit name for a witch.”

“Fine.” Faustus grumbled, muttering under his breath a little at the immediate rejection before making another suggestion. “Lily, short for—"

Eyes lighting up, Zelda cradled the girl closer. “Lilith,” she finished, stroking a finger along her daughter’s cheek. “That’s perfect. A strong, unholy name for our girl. Oh Faustus, how thoughtful.” Zelda shifted to beam at him and he leaned in and kissed her lightly.

“Lilith Jade,” he added softly, his grip on her hip tightening unconsciously. “After, after my mother, if that is alright with you. I know you’ve lost yours as well, but I—"

She turned to face him fully. “It’s beautiful, darling, I love it.” Cupping his cheek, Zelda kissed him again before leaning more heavily into his side; exhausted. “Welcome to our family, Lilith Jade Blackwood.” She whispered, carefully kissing Lily’s head.

“My girls,” Faustus murmured, bringing the arm not around her waist up to support her hold on Lily. “How can one warlock get so lucky?”

Though she normally would’ve made some quip at the sentimental comment, Zelda just smiled and nestled further into her husband, her eyes on her new daughter. She couldn’t really tease him when she felt the same.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 25

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

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- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

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Chapter 25 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I had never felt so many butterflies in my stomach before. Not only was Niall holding my hand and making me twirl around like he had romantic feelings for me, but the taste of his lips pressed on mine was still lingering on my mouth and I never wanted it to leave.

It was completely different than the kiss we had shared while playing 'spin the bottle'. I didn't know why but that kiss was full of raw emotions, like he couldn't contain them and had no idea how to express them. It was exactly like he had put all these feelings into this simple kiss. it was awkward and not at all romantic but it was a kiss nonetheless, a kiss that seemed to mean a lot to him, almost as much as it meant to me.

I didn't know how many times I had licked my lips since that kiss, if only to taste him again and I kept asking myself if i could kiss him again when his taste would have left completely from my mouth.

We sat in the already dark room and it felt nice when I realized it was almost empty except for a few teens in the front and a couple on the right side. Niall moved his beanie on his head to put it back in place and I stared at him. The thing that surprised me the most was to realize that I was even more in love with him now than I was 5 weeks ago when i decided to take a break from this friendship. It didn't seem normal and I couldn't help but think that my love for him should have decreased. When I saw him at my door, everything flooded back, almost drowning me, and I knew at that exact moment that I'd have to keep Niall Horan in my life forever.

"Don't forget," he whispered when the lights dimmed down. "No spoiler."

I held my breath when I felt him grab my hand and intertwine our fingers. I couldn't help but look down at our hands together and I had to swallow the lump of hope and happiness in my throat. I couldn't let my imagination run too wild or too far. After all, maybe it meant nothing. Was it just like this kiss we shared? Was this just a way to show me that he had missed me?

I was glad I had seen this movie before because I couldn't focus on anything else than our fingers together and when his thumb started brushing softly the back of my hand, I almost lost it.

I kept glancing at him, especially when he laughed. The way his mouth opened, the way his head moved back and the special sound of his laughter was bringing me joy I couldn't explain. I was with Harry, and he was with Maya, but neither of these relationships felt right the way this moment with Niall felt.

I looked down at our intertwined fingers for so long that I barely noticed when the lights turned on again but when I looked up, Niall was sending me a big smile and I couldn't help but smiled back at him. He didn't talk but got up, pulling on my arm again and making me chuckle.

I knew it was going to hurt when I was going to fall off my happy cloud but I didn't want to think about it. He brought me out of the room but it's only when we both reached the parking that our phones started beeping. His especially wouldn't stop ringing and I brought mine close to my face to see a few text messages from Harry. One of them was a link that I clicked immediately and my heart stopped when I saw the headlines of an online article.

'Is Niall Horan dating long-time friend?'

"Oh, fuck." I let out when Niall stopped walking suddenly.

He held my fingers tighter to make me stopped and moved in front of him, looking up from my phone. He was still staring at his screen, motionless and silent, and I decided to look at the article again, scrolling down to see horrible pictures of me. Niall looked great, as usual, and I tried to hide a smile when I saw that some of the picture were us holding hands, hugging and laughing together. For once, I couldn’t really blame whoever started that rumor : we honestly looked like we were together.

"Maya is literally lashing out at me." he pointed out without enthusiasm. "She's fucking pissed."

I sighed at the mention of her name but my eyes roamed quickly on Harry's messages.

'Is it true? I normally don't give credit to these kind of things but with the pictures I am unsure.'

'Call me okay?'

'I hope you're safe'

The right corner of my lips moved up in a sad smile and I quickly typed an answer.

'Can you come home in about half an hour?'

I looked up from my phone only to see Niall, his hand on his head, gripping his beanie a bit too tight, and the first thing that came to my mind was how bad I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. Of course, the articles bothered me a bit, and I felt guilty about Harry, but having Niall so close and still holding my fingers seemed to surpass and ease every other emotions inside me.

"I hate doing this to you, Liv, but I think I'm gonna have to go and solve the mess these paps made in my life again."

I felt like shit knowing he was about to leave me to go see Maya but I could understand why he was doing it. I would lie if I said it didn't bother me and I tried not to let myself hope that he'd choose me over her because even if I had no idea if his relationship would survive this, I knew he had to explain things witn her. I just wish I knew what he was about to tell her.

"No, it's okay, Harry and I need to talk too." I let out, shrugging, trying to hide how much it hurt me to know he was leaving. "We can just text each other after."

At my words, Niall looked up and sent me a smile. I had missed that smile more than I would have thought.

"So that's it, yea?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. "We're back? Things are going to be exactly the way they used to be?"

I had no idea if things really could ever be the same again and I wanted more than that. I aspired to more than that when it came to Niall. But I just shrugged again and nodded.

"We can try."

Once again, he pulled on my fingers and wrapping both his arms around me as we were both still holding our phones. I felt his cheek press on the top of my head and it made me smile, After a few seconds, he kissed my hair and moved away.

Niall put his phone back in his pocket and I just held my tight as we walked to my car and hopped in, remaining silent. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what and when I stopped at a red light, I felt his hand on my thigh and held my breath. The warmth of his palm felt incredible and I could feel my whole body start throbbing but the only throbbing I could think about was the intense on between my legs.

I blinked a few times, trying to get back to my senses and remembering I was actually driving, and glanced next to me too look at him.

"Hey, you think you'll be okay?"

I nodded a few times and his fingers slipped away from me, making me inhaled deeply. Were we always affectionate like that together or was this new? I didn't have time to ask myself any more question because when I parked in my driveway, I saw Harry waiting for me in front of my apartment building and frowned a bit, wondering if half an hour had already passed.

We got out of the car and Niall walked up to his friend, extending his hand to him. Harry just glanced at it but sighed, slapping it and grabbing it before bringing Niall into a hug. I was not sure what it meant but the look on Harry's face made my heart break in my chest. At first I thought he looked sad but the closer I was getting the more I realized that he actually seemed resigned, and that couldn't be good.

"Sorry mate, can't stay, got a few things to solve." I heard Niall say.

Quickly, he turned on his feet and grabbed my waist, pulling me closer and kissing my cheek.

"Text me." he whispered, walking past me but turning around a few seconds later to wave at us.

Harry and I both waited until his car was out of sight to look at each other again and the smile we both sent each other was pathetic. I unlocked the door and we walked up the stairs in silence. It's only when I brought him a beer as he was sitting on the couch that he dared to talk.

"Thank you."

His voice was low, lower than usual, and I swallowed hard.

"Look, Harry, nothing happened with Niall." I felt guilty because this was half a lie. "We just talked, went to the movies, and decided to be friends again. I know those pictures are weird but you know, it's just Niall and I..."

I stopped talking, wondering if he was even listening to me. He was turning and twisting his beer in his hands, his eyes glued to it and when he sighed, I felt my heart jump up in my throat.

"Do you think I don't notice how you look at him?"

I held my breath at his confession and my lips parted in shock. Did I just imagine that? The whole room seemed to move and I had to grip the arm of the couch to get my balance back, even if I was sitting.

"W-What?"

"And my fear is that every time we're together, you just wish you were with him instead."

"What are you talking about?" I asked in a whisper after a few seconds of silence.

At this point, his eyes moved up and he turned his gaze into mine, making my whole body feel on fire. I didn't want to have this conversation, I didn't want to talk about my love for Niall and I didn't want to feel like shit for hurting Harry, even if I did. Still, I couldn't get myself to regret seeing Niall again.

"No, Olivia please, don't." he let out, moving slightly closer to me. "You can't deny it, not to me. You owe me that, don't you think?"

It would be so much easier if he was screaming at me. It would be so much easier if he was pissed, yelling, and calling me names. But he was sitting very close to me and I could read how hurt he was and I wanted to lie to him. I wanted to tell him it was not true, that I only had feelings for him, and that I wanted us to tell the world we were dating. But I couldn't get myself to lie to the only man who had always been honest and kind with me. He was right, he deserved the truth. In fact, he deserved so much better than me.

I nodded, staring in his eyes, and he sighed, opening his beer quickly and taking a long sip of it. I took it off his hand and drank from it too before giving it back to him. That was how we always drank our beers. One at a time and together. And I liked it. It felt great to share something with someone... a connection that went beyond friendship. But I also knew it was not love.

"You've always loved him, right?" he asked again, leaning against the couch and looking at me.

I tried to hold his gaze but I couldn't and I closed my eyes, sighing low.

"Yes."

It was the very first time I admitted it out loud and to someone else. And it felt so right and true that I felt my heart twist in my chest at my secret being finally revealed.

"I think I always knew but I didn't want to know." Harry added, making me open my eyes again and frown before he continued. "Do you remember the first time we had sex?"

Of course I remembered, it was only a few weeks ago, but instead to mention it, I nodded, pressing my lips together. I remembered everything. From the way he felt inside me to the sound of my cellphone ringing in the middle of it because Niall was calling me.

"I told you I'd wake you up in the middle of the night to do it again. Because I wanted you. Because I felt like I had somehow failed you the first time or something. And when I woke up in the middle of the night, I started touching you. I kissed your neck and moved over you. And I even whispered your name a few times."

I frowned, wondering why I didn't remember that and if I even ever woke up at all. I couldn't believe the touch of Harry's hands and lips didn't wake me up and I remember wondering why he had not tried to have sex with me again during the night when I opened my eyes in the morning. I came to the conclusion that he was too tired and I didn't think more of it but now that he was mentioning it, I knew there was more to it.

"I stopped when I heard you talk. You were whispering his name very low."

It felt like Harry had dropped a bomb between us and I suddenly felt nauseous. Did I really do that? Did I really whisper Niall's name while I was in bed with Harry? After we had sex for the first time? The thought was horrible and I emptied my lungs quickly, still staring at me.

"I am... so fucking sorry, Harry."

"No, it's okay." he shook his head with a frown before his lips curled into a sad smile. "I had hope for us. I wanted us to work. So I stayed that night to give us an other chance. And we had it, we had that chance, Olivia."

His eyes moved up to look into mine and I tilted my head. He was gorgeous, and I knew I had feelings for him. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted to be in his arms, I wanted to spend time with him and kiss him.

"But today I realized that this chance was only possible if Niall was not between us." he explained. "And he will always be there."

He raised his shoulders up and chuckled without amusement before shaking his head. He didn't have to explain anything, I knew exactly what he meant and I also knew that he was right. There was nothing I could say or do that would change things or make all this okay. Nothing at all.

"Everyone knows you love him, I just didn't want to see it. I wanted to try anyway."

"No, not everyone." I pointed out, feeling bad for bringing this conversation on Niall and I while it should be only me apologizing to Harry for hours.

"He knows and he loves you too."

My heart skipped a beat and I raised my eyebrows at Harry, my eyes roaming on his face.

"Deep down, he knows. He's just scared." he added, "He's scared to ruin what you two have, he's scared it won't last, that it will be a mistake. He's scared of how much he could love you."

I tried to engrave these words in my memory to think about them later and I reached for Harry's hand, getting his attention again as he turned to me.

"What about you, Harry?"

"Are you honestly interested in how I feel?"

I was shocked and a bit mad that he could doubt it. I was not this horrible person who had played him. Yes, I had kept for myself the fact that I was in love with Niall, but I hadn't lied about my feelings for Harry. This was not just an act and Harry was not just a distraction. There was something between us and I wouldn't have wanted to try with him if I didn't think we were a possible match.

"Of course I am, Harry. Do you doubt it?"

He inhaled deeply and shrugged, squeezing my fingers with his.

"I really like you, Olivia. Perhaps I could have fallen in love with you."

His confession took me by surprise and I held my breath as he moved his face closer to look into my eyes. I felt like he was reading my soul and he kept silent for a whole minute before talking again.

"But I guess we'll never know."

That's when I realized that Harry was breaking up with me and the sensation of emptiness inside of me felt like it could never be filled again, like the void inside me was a black hole that would never disappear. I felt myself tear up but I couldn't move, like hypnotized by what was happening to me. I didn't want to blink but i did eventually and a tear slid down my right cheek, making Harry sigh as he watched it fall.

"Don't cry." he almost begged in a whisper, bringing his hand to cup my face as his thumb brushed against my cheek to wipe the tear. "You'll be fine. We'll both be okay."

I didn't really know if i'd be okay without Harry. I knew we had been together only for a few weeks but I felt like we had years of memories and nothing but good ones. Could a love story really end before it even started?

"Would you hate me if I said I don't want to lose you? That.. I don't want this to end?" I admitted in a whisper. "Because I don't want to."

His eyes moved gently and slowly on my face, stopping at my lips, and he bent down slowly, still holding my face, until his lips pressed against mine. The taste of caramel came back, washing away the indescribable taste of Niall's lips, and when Harry parted my lips to kiss me deeper, I realized that this kiss was our last one.

One of his hands moved down to my neck and I had to stop myself from whimpering in his mouth. It was the softest and slowest kiss I had ever got and I let him lead, my eyes closed, as his tongue moved against mine and his fingertips brushed against my skin.

I wanted to apologize to him, tell him I was sorry for making him go through that, tell him that I was sorry for not being able to throw myself into this relationship completely, but I didn't. I remembered how I felt when Niall apologized before kissing me and I didn't want Harry and I to break up on this kind of feeling, especially not after a kiss.

"You're incredible." I breathed against his mouth, my lips brushing against his. "Beautiful, kind, sweet, understanding. You're everything I ever wished for, Harry. You're perfect, I hope you know that."

I feel his lips curl into a smile against mine and I brush my mouth against his, leaving a soft kiss. I knew that when one of us would back away, it would be over, and I didn't want it to be me. If I wanted to be real, though, I also didn't want it to be him.

"My biggest wish is that someday, you'll realize that you're beautiful, in and out." he replied very low, his deep voice sending a shiver cross my back. "You're a real catch, only you can't see it."

I chuckled very low and kissed him again gently. This time, he answered my kiss but let his fingers slide down my arm as his other hand was still pressed against my cheek, his warm palm burning on my skin. I don't know how long we stayed like that, as if neither of us wanted to move, but when he finally pulled away to look at me, the sad expression on his face made me want to cry again. I knew I was looking at him the exact same way though and I swallowed hard to keep my tears in.

"I'm gonna need some time." he admitted softly. "But then, if you need a friend, I'll always be there."

This time, I couldn't stop the tears from flooding my cheeks. I stared at him until my vision was too blurry to see anything and I sniffed, nodding gently.

"I'm sorry, kitten, I didn't want to make you cry." he added, wiping my tears again. "But I think you know that this is the right thing to do."

"I know." I murmured, scared that my voice would break. "I'm gonna miss you."

Getting up was painful and walking Harry to the door even worse. He turned around and put his hands in his pockets as he looked down at me, his big green eyes scanning me as he it was the very last time and I think it was. Why did I have to go through so many loss all at the same time? Watching someone walk out of your life was probably the most hurtful thing to ever experiment even if deep down, you know it's for the better.

My heart was aching when he kissed my lips one last time and turned around. I heard him walk down the stairs but I waited until I heard the door at the bottom of the building open and close to start sobbing. I closed the door and walked slowly to the kitchen, grabbing a bottom of wine without even caring to take a glass.

I cried alone in my living room as I was downing as much wine as I could in total silence except for the sobs I couldn't stop. Niall was with his girlfriend, Harry was gone, and I was alone. I had not felt that lonely in a long time and I didn't remember how bad it felt. I waited about half an hour but finally grabbed my phone and with shaky hands, I texted my best friend.

'Harry and I are over.'

I just wanted Niall to take me in his arms and let me cry. I needed him to tell me everything would be okay, that I would get over it easily and quickly, but I couldn't ask him that, because he was with Maya and he had his own problems to solve. I didn't know if I was 'a catch' like Harry had said but that's not how I felt at all. I just needed someone to catch my heart as It was falling... Before It'd hit the ground and break into million of pieces.

[lost-cheshire-cat]

Could you share how you organized yourself to go to Japan? To move around, communicate, where you slept and how you decided of the places you wanted to visit ? (I was supposed to go this summer but... haha). Btw I like your pictures, they are pretty aesthetic! Have a nice day

Hi anon !

First of all, I’m so sorry for the late reply !

I’ll be happy to share my experience with you, but I’m not an organized person so sorry if it’s a bit messy (an also sorry for my very bad english, it might be difficult to read or understand this post >.<).

First, you probably have to know that this trip in Japan wasn’t intended. I was in New Zealand at that moment with a Working Holiday Visa and I'd been working for severals months when autumn arrived and I thought it might be the good time to visit Asia since I always wanted to go there, I think we can say that it was an impulse decision that I made one night, next day I've booked my flight for Hô-Chi-Minh-Ville, no turning back this way ^^  . My Asia trip was : Vietnam, Thailand and Japan.

To organize myself, well it’s a big word, but let’s say that for Japan I decided to focus on 3 cities : Tokyo-Kyoto-Osaka, one of my dream is to be able to do a Working Holiday Visa there, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it tho. So at that moment I thought it will be good to start with these « big cities » with enough time to visit them than going all around Japan with very short time for each places. I wanted to give myself enough time to visit those cities even if it meant at that moment I’ll not be able to see the countryside x’)

To decide which places I wanted to see I looked a lot of blogs but also some vlogs (not too much because I didn't want to spoil the surprise). I think the best thing to do is to write down all the places you really want to visit and then looks on a map which places are near from each other. For that I used googles map a lot with it's option "directions".  It's a nice tool and what I like the most about it, is that you can choose travel modes with that you can see which bus or subway you need to catch for your next destination, so useful !! This way you can do a lot of things in your day, choose to focus on near neighbourhoods, so you can save times and money ;). In Tokyo you’ll have to take the subway many time and it’s expensive this why I really suggest you to take a look on which places are near to others.

- For subway you can choose Tokyo open day ticket, there are different tickets I suggest you to take a look at this website : https://www.tokyometro.jp/en/ticket/1day/index.html

- you can also have prepaid e-money card , like the Suica or Pasmo card. You can have these cards at the airport, it costs you around 2.000¥ (include 500¥ deposit).  Depending on what you want to do and how you want to live your trip in Tokyo it can be a good option, it’s probably more easier too but not necessary the less expensive so be careful :). Just remember that the price for the subway is calculated based on the distance.

Useful links for cards :

Pasmo : https://www.pasmo.co.jp/visitors/en/normalpasmo/

Suica : https://www.jreast.co.jp/e/pass/suica.html

For Kyoto I traveled by bike it was really the best way for me (even if it was so warm that I nearly died 10 times per day) you also have the subway/bus but I didn’t used it a lot. If you use a bike you can really see a lot of things, streets are wide as well. It’s really nice and another way to live your trip far from the bustle of the subway ^^

For Osaka, I used subway too but not as much as in Tokyo, the thing is : you’ll walked a lot !! Be prepare haha

Communication ;

Oh god, that’s a big topic here ! As you can see my english is terrible but it’s nothing compared to japanese x’). They don’t speak english very well (but no judgment here, mine is terrible as well!). Excepted in your hostel where staff speaks pretty well, but they’re so open mind that you succeed to understand the most important. That being said some people speaks well (I mean for me it was, let’s say we’d the same level^^), I met japanese with whom I spent some time and it was really fun ! If you're open mind and want to met people you'll met people, I guarantee you :). Also there are so many foreigners too, you probably can find someone to help you if you’re in need. In my case some japanese people helped me, they walked with me up to the place I was looking for and an old man saved me in Kyoto when the chain come off my bike without me asking for anything 😭❤️

Where I slept :

I used Booking to booked all my places. I don’t know if it’s the best app or anything but it made the job and for me it was the most easiest way to do it, since I used it for all my trips in Asia. I’m not organized at all and a day per day person, so what I did is that I've started to booked a place for 4 nights in Tokyo and then just booked my others places at the last moment. It was an adventure and I didn't know how many days I wanted to stay per cities so I improvised. No money saved tho x')

Here are the places where I stayed if you are interested :

Tokyo : Hotel Owl Tokyo Nippori

Kyoto : couldn’t find it, but it was a very small guesthouse with dorm

Osaka : Bon Hostel Osaka

Since I've booked at the last moment I didn’t have much choices, but I really recommend you Backpacker Hostels you'll meet a lot of people from all around the world and it’s probably one of the less expensive accomodation. But it’s once again, just my opinion it depends on how you want to live your trip ;)

Other things :

- If you’re going to Kyoto you can visit Nara, it’s a really nice city. For that you can take a train (30 min) I really recommend you to take a day or even an half day to visit that city

- If you’re in Tokyo and your next destination is Kyoto then you can take a night bus, it’s the less expensive way to go there (unless you have a car)

- If you're in Tokyo and you want an observation decks then go to The Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, it's free and great ! If you take the Tokyo Skytree or even Tokyo tower you'll have to wait a lot and pay for that, which is too bad when you can have the same thing for free ^^. Also I suggest you to go there in the late afternoon then you can enjoy a day and a night view of Tokyo :) (you'll have to wait a bit but definetly worth it !)

- The black ice coffee in konbini is delicious ! (yes it deserves a special note 😂)

- I’ve used the app Maps.me a lot because my phone was dying and using google maps killed my battery too fast. With this app you download the map and then you can use it without any wifi, it's good when you're lost you, with no wifi and you have a shitty phone like mine x'). It saved me many time

Well I'll stop here, there is probably a lot more to say, if you have more questions you can ask me, I’m not the best on the subject but I'd be happy to answer ^^.

Reminder that there is no good or bad way to live your life and discovering new countries :). I lived my trip like a big adventure, probably missed some spots but at the end of the day I'd a lot of fun and it's all matter. I really hope you’ll be able to go there someday and I’m very sorry to know you can't go this summer, I know the feeling. Better luck next time? 🙏 

Take care of you and thank you for the ask !!