#let him stab!
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#madan no ichi#ichi the witch#let him stab!#let my boi get a new fur coat!#ichi#desscaras#raiko majik#manga cap#ch3#mni spoilers
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My father's secretary
Danny Fenton did not expect to be secretary material but after 7 years of being a hero and having Jazz as his elder sister, he was damn good at it. He needed a job, he knew that, and Wayne Enterprises was willing to hire a 21 year old taking online college classes for aerospace engineering.
And he was fucking thankful for that cause Mr. Wayne was pretty neat and bought him good food and coffee whenever he looked out of it. Half his family were already in Gotham with only his parents in Amity. They were finally reformed and now their research finally advocated for the rights of ghosts and spread awareness on their culture. Good for them.
Jazz and Dante were in Arkham working as a psychologist and guard. Elle was still in school, enrolled into Gotham Academy once Vlad insisted on paying her tuition. To be fair, he was paying for Danny's tuition too.
But back to his secretary duties. His boss was Bruce Wayne, yes, but he did often work with the man's son and the current CEO. Tim was nice and had the same caffeine addiction as him. (Jazz highly discouraged this friendship in case they both made a monstrosity of coffee and energy drinks.)
But Mr. Wayne was the best. He was rather clumsy and a bit airheaded but he was the best fucking boss he could ever ask for. The man's paternal instincts were on point and Danny was almost intimidated when the man started handing him extra cash whenever Danny came to the office looking more tired than usual. When that failed, Mr. Wayne resorted to giving him more material things.
Now, he doesn't want to take advantage of this ridiculously kind man with a lack of self preservation (God, was this what Jazz felt about him?). But Mr. Wayne had given him this amazing coffee maker and then proceeded to give Danny the best toaster ever. And Danny has always been known to resolutely be against Billionaires adopting him. But Mr. Wayne?
Danny had honed his back talking skills to perfection to talk down arrogant elites that kept demanding for his boss. He mastered his customer service voice and that condescending look he saw the receptionists give people like they were tantruming toddlers. Danny was ready to fight for that man (Vlad was choking somewhere as the Fentons worriedly look at him).
Jason has heard about Danny Fenton a couple of times. Tim, Dick, and Bruce had mentioned him a lot. Bruce's new secretary that looked like he'd woken up from a coma and was comparable to a grumpy cat on his best days. He's seen the guy a couple times, noticed how he was almost as tall as Jason. Honestly, he kinda looked like a twig (but then that was because of Danny's suit that he made sure didn't completely fit him).
Seriously. Danny was willing to fucking fight anyone and everyone for Bruce Wayne.
The guy was strange. Very strange. Especially when the pits seemed to either become frantic or calm whenever he was around. It depended on the situation really, but mostly the pits grew calmer around Fenton. Like a cat that finally saw its favorite person. It was so weird.
He was drawn to Fenton, sometimes finding himself walking towards the man before he snaps out of it.
It's on this day where Danny was by Bruce's side, a stylus and tablet in hand. He was furiously tapping away at his phone, cursing under his breath about bothersome and stuck up cialiteses.
"Jason!" Bruce happily greets, "Don't mind Danny for a bit. He's telling of some investors for trying to meddle with the company. Tim is too sleep deprived to handle it."
"Where is Tim?"
"Danny threatened to throw the company's coffee maker out the window if he doesn't take a nap." Bruce chuckles, glancing fondly at his fiesty secretary. "Danny?"
"Give me a minute, Mr. Wayne. Some people are trying to squeeze into your schedule when I specifically told them that they can't." Danny says, clearly irritated but looks at Bruce with an apologetic gaze. "No—Mr. Luthor, neither Mr. Drake nor Mr. Wayne are available on that day—"
And it dissolved into Danny telling of what Jason assumes was Lex Luthor to stop his attempts. In other words, corporate for Fuck off.
"He's good, isn't he?" Jason humms as he follows Bruce down the hall, glancing at the tired employees that looked utterly exhausted and horrifically motivated. "Looks like adoption bait."
"Unfortunately, Danny is a very much against Billionaires adopting him. His godfather is one and has attempted multiple times." Bruce sighs, feigning a sorrowful look as he sends Danny a small pout. "What did you do when he tried the fifth time again?"
"I blew up his car, Mr. Wayne." Danny nonchalantly says, "But that only made him want to adopt me more."
Jason blinks, baffled before he's laughing at the utter absurdity of the situation.
"That sounds similar to—"
Gunshots tore through the air as people immediately screamed. At the entrance of the building was the Joker in all his insanity, guns blazing. Jason froze, sucking in a deep breath as he took one step back. They weren't in costume, they weren't the Red Hood and Batman in that moment.
"Nightwing, Robin, and Spoiler are on their way." Oracle says through the comms but that doesn't comfort him in the slightest.
It's chaos in moments and people are ducking their heads to avoid the bullets. Jason and Bruce look right at each other, taking cover as bullets ruin the walls and furniture. But Bruce is dragged from his spot, pulled towards the Joker who laughs maniacally as he pressed a gun against Bruce's head.
"Mr. Wayne!" Many people yell as they all stared in horror as the Joker threatens Gotham's beloved prince.
Jason immediately remembers an explosion and a crowbar.
(Reminder, Danny Fenton was very much ready to go to war for Bruce Wayne).
A tablet and a stylus was suddenly shoved into his arms. Jason blinks, turning to Danny who tugs at his tie and rummages through the counter for something. The Joker sees this, clearly irritated.
"You! Eyes on me!" The Joker practically demands, hysterical that not everyone was paying attention.
Danny apparently doesn't give a damn before looking the Joker straight in the eye.
"Eyes in me." Danny repeats.
A second later something was thrown and a cutter was cutting through the Joker's eye.
Jason gaped at the seemingly harmless secretary, unable to comprehend that this man had just thrown a fucking cutter into the Joker's eye.
Bruce is set free.
Everyone is frozen in place.
Everyone watched as Bruce Wayne's tired and overworked secretary beats the shit out of the Joker, saying something about how he wasn't going to lose a good boss.
No one particularly knows what to do once Danny pulls out the cutter with the Jokers blood and... Fucking shit, was that his eyeball?!
Dick and Damian arrived at some point, also too shocked to do anything. When Danny was done and satisfied, with the Joker still alive, groaning and whimpering from the pain that Danny inflicted.
As if he hadn't almost killed the Joker, Danny turns to them with a tired smile.
"Mr. Wayne, I implore you not to die. I can't lose the best boss that I've had." He plainly says and takes the tablet and stylus back from Jason.
Jason thinks he might just marry this feral man.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was definitely going to marry Danny Fenton.
Part 2 | Masterpost
#danny phantom#batfam#dc x dp#dpxdc#dead on main#jason todd#jason x danny#danny fenton#Danny us tired and overworked by Bruce pays him very well#Danny is willing to go to war for his boss because like hell he'd let himself lose a good job#Everyone in WE thinks Danny is tired kinda fiesty but fairly harmless#They are wrong#he will bite and stab#jason thinks he might just end up swooning for his dad's crazy secretary#Ny Father's secretary
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William Afton winning that “idgaf” award in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#vanessa shelly#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#william afton#steve raglan#happy spooky month everyone!!#almost fnaf movie anniversary coming up so wanted to draw some stuff for it#MORE VANESSA THOUGHTS LETS GOO!!#now featuring some William thoughts#I can imagine that shooting her own dad was hard for Vanessa#even though he’s a monster it’s obvious that like#she still cares about him in some way from the brainwashing he’s don’t to her#kinda proves she’s different than her father#meanwhile William did not have that much of a problem#like I know he looked sad for a second after stabbing Vanessa#but he did decide in a split second that was the best choice#William when you catch these hands
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"don't make it political!" .... what proportion of death and suffering must occur before politics are involved. if this isn't political, what is even the point of any politics, ever. of democracy. the words are "by the people for the people." if i am going to be left alone by my elected representatives to "figure it out" - to undergo damage, hardship, fear. what the fuck did i elect them for. what was their job. the entire point is that they handle this shit. this is why we were supposed to be electing leaders.
poverty is political. misogyny is political. gun control is political. climate change is political. how much aid a community gets is political. what the fuck are you talking about. it's been political this whole fucking time.
#to be deleted probably#i think aid should be REQUIRED to be bipartisan#ppl shouldn't suffer bc of how they vote. sorry. i'm never gonna be like ''ah yah x area deserves it''#..... they're people. they're human people. what the fuck is wrong with you.#this is nonspecific bc it's the same argument every time it involves things the right wing could have prevented#oh she died in childbirth bc of abortion laws? well nows not the time to make it#well he died bc his boss made him work during the tornado? well let's not make this#ohhh they died in a school shooting? thoughts and prayers let's all not make#there's a big fucking natural disaster that is strong evidence for oncoming ecological collapse?#welllllllll leTS NOT MAKE IT FUCKING POLITICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11#WHEN WAS THE TIME???????????#PREVENTION HAS ALWAYS BEEN BETTER THAN WOUND CARE.#> stabs u . oh sorry that wasn't political#but also good luck in the hospital good luck with insurance good luck with medicine#good luck with disability support good luck w/ur job and taking time off good lucK!!!#refusing to allow politics into the matter means they get to shrug their shoulders and absolutely#refuse any fucking ACCOUNTABILITY#THEN WHAT WAS THE JOB FOR??? WHY DID I GIVE THEM THIS JOB???#WHAT IS LITERALLY THE POINT OF ELECTED OFFICIALS
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Drew this real quick because I fucking love these two so much ???? Especially Bee. I wish they interacted more so badly. PLEASE.
Also learning how to draw these guys.. slowly.
#IT WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY TO ME HOW DELIGHTED B GOT ??? FOR VIOLENCE?#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#like okay you have d17/megatron okay#d17 got consumed by vengeance. iconic of him. you SEE him grow more ruthless/ violent........AND THEN YOU HAVE B 127#he got knife hands for 0.00937 seconds and immediately KILLED PEOPLE SO EASILY IM SCREAMING SDJKJSDS#did by accident and then did it gleefully. AND SO WELL TOO LIKE ???? bro got that hunger for violence ig. got that delight.#i wish we got to see d17 and b127 interact more cause imagine b got his knife hands early and d17 was like.... alright start stabbing#and b127 is LONELY. mf is deprived of interaction and CLEARLY clingy. i see him telling d17 to stand down so he isn't hurt.#not necessarily because he has the SAME morals as orion/optimus#like look me in my eye. tell me if d17 didn't say something like “needing an ally not a leader” (friendship bait)#AND UR TELLING ME BEE WOULDN'T FOLD AND HELP HIM? HM? HMMMMMMMM?#like i feel like b's morals are mostly match whoever he's around. if he was around d-17 more? WELP? let's assassinate together bestie!#anyways optimus and elita gotta watch b fr cause mf is already an incredible ally on the battle field SDKJKDSS#like just tell him where to go and that place would DESTROYED. NO WITNESSEES LEFT. LIKE HELLO#transformers one my beloved#d 16#megatron#tf one#tf one megatron#tf one b 127#b 127#transformers one fanart#never know how many actual tags to use istg.#imagine being isolated for years and all that shit went down like what is going on in b's brain rn. mf got 3 friends and then lost one#SO QUICKLY
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Thinking about a crack SV AU where Shen Yuan transmigrates into a horse.
Luckily he is not a normal horse, no! He is a spiritual stallion, a character that was mainly a joke about the novel's genre in PIDW, originally bred on Cang Qiong's beast tamer peak but not actually encountered until Luo Binghe's "raze cultivation society to the ground" phase. At which point there was a subplot about him finding the stallion and letting it loose to run free, as like, an allegorical reference. Occasionally Binghe would find other horses across the years that were obviously descended from that one, as more jokes, until Airplane forgot about the reference and never brought it up again.
Shen Yuan, of course, was always Big Mad that Binghe never got to actually ride this super magical mystical horse, and never got the horsegirl arc he deserved! Where is the man's companion animal? How can someone with nine billion wives and even more nameless underlings be fated for a life of perpetual loneliness??
Naturally, the first thing Shen Yuan does upon figuring out that he's this magic horse is break out of the beast peak and make for Qing Jing. He's not necessarily planning to go bond with the protagonist or anything, but he's not particularly keen to live out his fate as some feral horse that fucks other horses either, and he's extremely valuable so it's unlikely anyone will kill him even if they catch him again. So, might as well take the opportunity to clap eyes on his favorite character before he's doomed to a life of eating hay and whatever, right?
Horse SY manages to arrive on Qing Jing Peak right before the start of the skinner mission, though, just as Ming Fan is telling Luo Binghe that there aren't enough horses. Ning Yingying points out SY and is all oh look, one of the stable hands must have realized the error and brought another, and everyone else is kind of like "uh that is... not a normal horse...?" but then Shen Qingqiu gets impatient and snaps at them to get a move on, and fear of their mercurial shizun overrides everything else to the point where Binghe just clambers desperately onto this mystical saddle-free horse.
Airplane borrowed kelpies for his demon beasts at some point and they are pretty common, so it occurs to Luo Binghe only after he's climbed onto the strange and definitely not normal Horse SY that he might be on the verge of getting carried off and drowned. But SY just kind of rolls with it, and falls into line with the other horses.
Hey, it's an excuse to leave the sect! And practice doing horse stuff! And also, he's not going to buck Luo Binghe off of his back!
Of course as it happens, the specific kind of magical horse that Shen Yuan is comes with a specially bred-for trait where they only bond to one rider. They're usually bred for like, kings and emperors and other highly important figures as status symbols, like magical companion animals but ones with perfectly mundane utilities. He's also got Shadowfax-like stamina and speed, meaning that Airplane can treat this kind of horse as interchangeable with a motorbike, and of course the capacity to cultivate. Which means that when the party finally arrives at their destination, everyone suddenly realizes that Luo Binghe has unwittingly bonded with a horse that's worth a fortune and won't ever let anyone else ride it now.
Shen Qingqiu flips his shit, Shen Yuan bites Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe hyperventilates, Ning Yingying gets kidnapped, and the situation basically resolves with Shen Yuan kicking the shit out of the skinner demon in defense of his new BFF the baby protagonist.
Well if he's going to end up letting anyone ride him for the rest of his life, Luo Binghe would be his first choice.
Anyway they get back and Shen Qingqiu is still spitting mad and offers Luo Binghe's head on a platter to the lord of the beast peak, but Beast Peak's people are actually kind of pleased. Like sure it's a little inconvenient, because Luo Binghe is a Qing Jing disciple and not one of theirs, but they were honestly beginning to worry that this stallion wouldn't bond with anyone! It's really hard to manage them when they don't! And SY in particular comes from a long and illustrious lineage that has nearly died out a few times, so they were never planning to sell him off even for a high price anyway. With a rider chosen, the odds of them getting him to cooperate for breeding purposes are a lot higher, plus it will be much easier to take care of him now! Though they will be taking Shen Qingqiu up on his offer of Luo Binghe's time, since "punishment" for this transgression will involve splitting his time between the peaks in order to help take care of SY (all the beast peak disciples are super relieved, apparently before Shen Yuan transmigrated, the horsey original goods was extremely prone to biting and kicking...)
Shen Qingqiu basically tells Luo Binghe not to bother coming back, which fills Binghe with despair, but he gets over it eventually. The beast peak is nice! They give him a cultivation manual as well, in order to help him understand what they do, and it seems that Binghe can understand it a lot better than his QJP one. The peak lord gives him permission to use the dorms as well, since there will probably be times when he has to stay overnight, and no one says much about it when Binghe basically moves in full time. On the books he's still a Qing Jing disciple, but functionally he's a transfer student now. He even sits in on classes and lectures, and a lot of the peak are just under the impression that he was transferred over to their peak in full.
Shen Yuan considers this a big improvement, and expects Luo Binghe to enjoy running around with all the pretty girls on the peak. But Binghe mostly seems to spend his time with him, in fact, asking questions upon questions not only about Shen Yuan's breed, but about his specific background and lineage. The beast peak is overall pretty nice, although sadly it's not full of cool monsters and companion animals as Shen Yuan would have hoped. Mostly the peak specializes in the cultivation world's equivalent of livestock and work animals, training beasts like spirit eagles and horses like himself, and raising animals prized for their meat, organs, bones, or other parts for medicinal, alchemical, or culinary ingredients, or sometimes components for weapons or other spiritual tools. They work the most closely with Qian Cao, Wan Jian, and An Ding.
Being a horse is honestly kind of boring for Shen Yuan, although running is fun, and he at least gets plenty of time to work on his cultivation.
By the time Sha Hualing's invasion happens, he's gotten pretty comfortable in his new state of affairs. Binghe has even figured out that he likes being read to, and has started reading aloud to him from various texts in the evenings! So far no good novels, or even bad trashy novels, but it's better than nothing!
Binghe also takes him for a lot of rides around the peaks (not Qing Jing) which is how they end up caught on Qiong Ding when the rainbow bridge goes down. When Shen Qingqiu tells Luo Binghe to fight, Binghe doesn't even have a weapon at hand.
Actually, he doesn't have a sword at hand.
Turns out having your magical horse kick a demon to death is still pretty effective!
Shen Yuan even manages to avoid getting poisoned too. Rather, Elder Hammer threatens to poison him and Luo Binghe charges at him shouting "stay away from my horse! I'll kill you!" and etc, and does get nicked by the thorns, but only Binghe and Shen Yuan notice and of course the poison doesn't work on Binghe, congrats for unlocking a new hint as to Luo Binghe's mysterious origins!
Yes, Horse SY shows up to help Binghe in the Dream Demon event. He still looks like a horse for it, but it also marks the first time he's able to speak to Luo Binghe, which successfully distracts Luo Binghe from a lot of the tormenting visions of his past because talking magic horse friend has a way of doing that.
So the Dream Demon is like, that's not a normal horse, and Luo Binghe is all "stay away from my horse! I'll kill you!" and Shen Yuan gets knocked out of the dream as usual. Wakes up to Luo Binghe rushing to his stall to check on him and prepare him some nice warm congee and double-check that he can't talk for reals (only in dreams for now, alas).
Anyway Luo Binghe has no reason to hide his demonic cultivation practice from his horse, so Shen Yuan gets to sit in on it as Binghe tries to put Meng Mo's teachings into practice, which he finds super cool. Binghe's normal cultivation also progresses quite a bit, but he's still very much disadvantaged there because the beat peak is only giving him like, half-assed guest disciple status lessons, no personal one-and-one tutelage, and he's unofficially banned from Qing Jing and wouldn't get any help there anyway (apart from Ning Yingying). The beast peak lord isn't really his shizun and Shen Qingqiu isn't going to take Binghe to do things like claim a sword from Wan Jian, either.
Luckily, Binghe can now confer with his horse in his dreams! Shen Yuan has such helpful ideas as compelling various hall masters and combat teachers to dream about their lessons, so that Binghe can insert himself into the form of their students and supplement his tutelage with nighttime training from all around the sect. And also stealing some blank documents from An Ding and forging paperwork to turn over to Wan Jian to make it look like Binghe has permission to claim a spiritual sword without Shen Qingqiu's approval.
What a way to pass the time before the Immortal Alliance Conference!
Horse Shen Yuan would like very much to just carry Luo Binghe away in the opposite direction, thank you, but he does have a system and it is still holding a metaphorical gun to his head about this. Still, there's no force in the world that could keep Shen Yuan in his stable when shit starts to go down, or that could stop him from kicking the snot out of Shen Qingqiu when he tries to throw Binghe into the Abyss. (Binghe's thoughts on the fight: "stay away from my horse! I'll kill you!")
However, Binghe does still get thrown down, and Horse SY runs off whilst weeping crystalline tears of dismay as his mane whips in the wind, imagining a future where a blackened Luo Binghe returns for his revenge arc and symbolically sends his beloved horsie companion away forever to go frolic or some shit, which Shen Yuan is not interested in!
But what can he do? By the time Binghe gets out of the Abyss, his need for a horse will be decidedly minimal. It already went down a bunch when he finally got Zheng Yang (that Binghe somehow almost never flew anywhere on, surely for reasons unrelated to his bond with SY), and with Xin Mo and all his OP talents, even if he did keep Shen Yuan, wouldn't he become as much of a useless background character as countless auxiliary wives in his harem?
No! He won't stand for it! There has to be a way for him to convince even blackened Binghe that Shen Yuan is still the best ride in town!
Luckily, Shen Yuan knows where there are some power-ups that might be able to help him. While he won't touch anything that would be vital for the protagonist, he's more flexible on screwing over random future harem members or side characters, especially when it wouldn't even really harm them all that much. So while Binghe is going through his gauntlet of horrors in the Abyss, Shen Yuan embarks on his own level-up quest to dramatically increase his cultivation, and become more capable of keeping up with Binghe.
When this leads to Shen Yuan being able to take on a human form, he gets really excited, but that's mostly for personal comfort reasons. He can finally hold books again! And talk to people! Who cares if he looks like someone's ponysona gijinka, he can walk over to a stall and order meat buns!
Unicorn form is next, and it's... meh? Mostly it's a boost in his cultivation. The horn looks fun but doesn't really do much.
When he upgrades to being able to take on a pegasus form, now that's really cool. He can fly now! Not only is it crazy good fun, but it also increases his mobility exponentially. Surely riding a flying horse would be more comfortable than balancing on a sword, too?
But that's not enough for his actual goal, he needs to keep going until he finally finds the right bullshit mythical item that will do what he hopes:
Turn him into a dragon!
Unfortunately said bullshit item is in the demon realms, which are a fairly difficult place to navigate as either a horse or a human. Beefing up for the trip takes Shen Yuan just about two years, and requires all of his other upgrades. But he does it, he gets to the demon realms, eats the creatively named Dragon Fruit Plant, and... gets... stuck???
In his new dragon form???
WTF this didn't happen to the random ox that Luo Binghe fed the fruit to in order to create a suitable beast of burden to impress the husband of Wife No.666! Although, thinking about it, maybe it did because it wasn't like the ox ever turned back into an ox afterwards. But Shen Yuan just figured that was because it was a simple beast of burden and saw becoming a dragon as an overall upgrade, why go back? He honestly hadn't really thought about it!
Cue Luo Binghe getting out of the Abyss only to shortly find that a random dragon is following him around. Maybe that just happens here? It doesn't attack him, at least, and he has no time to deal with it (or to sleep) because his first order of business is establishing enough of a foothold in the demon realms to regain access to the human ones, and find out what happened to his horse. And then kill Shen Qingqiu. In that order.
#svsss#bingqiu#scum villain#scum villain's self saving system#long post#bonus: in dreams shen yuan often refers to luo binghe finding a herd of wives as interchangeable with his ideas of success#binghe assumes this is because shen yuan is a literal stallion#shen yuan makes reference at one point to tolerating it if binghe needs to pull a girl up into his saddle#sy has of course been thinking about it and his magical one-rider-only horse aversions to the idea#but he's pretty sure he could control the impulse to knock her off and trample her for binghe's sake#and also because that would probably cost him good horsie privileges since binghe's wives come first etc etc#meanwhile binghe would probably sooner stab someone than let her ride shen yuan with him#the whole idea is so off-putting to him he's like if I encounter a damsel in distress with two broken legs she can drag herself home :)
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Someday, Damian is going to outpace Tim height-wise. He'll be at least a couple inches taller, because Damian's parents are both tall(ish) while Tim has done everything in his power short of getting an Ed Elric-style arm to stunt his own growth.
Once that happens, Damian will uncover his greatest power of all, a power he had only dreamt of before now, a power possessed by Superboy himself. Because once Dami is even a centimeter over Tim's head, this will occur:
Tim: Nice try, [insert rogue name], but you've officially been busted by Red Robin and the boy wonder himself.
Damian: Why does your name come first?
Tim: I'm older.
Damian:
Damian: *opens mouth*
Damian: *draws the biggest breath of his life*
Damian: I'M TALLER!!!!!
Unfortunately for Damian, he is not Jon, and Tim is not ten, and therefore, Tim has a comeback.
Tim: Name a single culture where height is a basis for authority and we'll talk.
Damian is devastated. He lashes out. They have their biggest argument in years. It gets physical. It gets vicious.
And yes, the rogue does get away while they fight.
#batfam#tim drake#damian wayne#jon kent#red robin#robin#superboy#they get back to the cave to a dick grayson lecture on letting a sibling fight get in the way of a mission#they point out the hypocrisy#given dick and jason can't go three seconds without arguing on patrol#jay: ah but you see we still get the rogue#dick: exactly! learn from your elders!#tim: your elders huh? not your... TALLERS?#damian just straight stabs him right then and there
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Rick's leather sling | requested by EVERYONE
#the power this has???#Rick Grimes#*#rg#The Ones Who Live#pls#nice to be attacked by my own gifsets again#HIS UPPER BODY#STAB ME WITH A RAKE#i love arm#anyone got a quarter we can bounce off his chest?#forget about refashioning my legs as a hula hoop.....#i found out what i wanna be when i grow up#also his arm hair but I'm not gonna be that weird right now#i know he's gotta be SOLID as hell#excuse me where is the ticket booth for this ride#nice rack rick#that second gif is just illegal#i'd be more open than Motel 6#would let him raw me in a gas station bathroom in one of those towns in the boonies that are always the center of horror movies#*GLASS BREAKING* *SIRENS WAILING*#*me on my front lawn apologizing to CBS News*#Kay i need to bring back the tag™ remember the tag?#he's so goddamn fine i want his dick in my lungs#that one#classic
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Qui-Gon's the type of guy to eat something he's deathly allergic to because c'mon it's been 10 years! surely he's over it now! and is shocked. shocked I tell you, by what happens next.
Qui-Gon: The healers say I can't eat this but last time I checked I'm the one with mastery over the living force
Obi-Wan: ...please, do go on
Qui-Gon: See! nothing ha-kjjmjdcsb *wheezing noises*
Obi-Wan, epipen already in hand: Must we do this every time Master?
#he does not keep track of his allergies obi wan does however obi wan is always ready to start shit so he lets qui eat the thing anyway#obi wan just keeps lots of epipens on hand theres something therapeutic bout stabbing qui gon#qui gon lives in the moment and only the moment no consequences for him please and thank you <3#qui gon jinn#obi wan kenobi#qui gon and obi wan#star wars
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#r/batman with a hilarious take tonight#bruce wayne#batman#dc#dceu#batfleck especially#he let that one dude stab him#pulled the knife out of his rotator cuff#and then used it to stab the guy back#do you think that guy cares if you land a lucky punch on his exposed face??
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Worstie really said "it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die except that's on all of us" and tried to debunk it anyway
#Logan was it satisfying#penetrating Deadpool's insides with your claws???#resisting his weight when he pinned you under him that one time??? you were grinning like you enjoyed it#did you enjoy it Logan#making a goddamn “come back inside” hand motion#did it feel good stabbing him again and again in the backseat#you were yelling like it felt good#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wade wilson#poolverine#wolverine#logan howlett#deadpool 3#deadclaws#Logan. Logan let me hold your claws when I say this
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Never gonna live that down.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan jingyi#jin ling#Surprise comic for today because this was cut from the previous comic.#And I'm so close to finishing season 2! I want to post my final comics and celebrate!#I imagine they (the juniors) hold the stabbing incident over Jin Ling's head for years. Akin to a funny typo in the group chat.#The stabbing is his Grink. Every time JL and WWX are seen interacting someone makes a teasing remark.#“I'm going to go ask Wei Wuxian what he thinks about our night hunt plans.” “Okay! Don't stab him ^-^.”#I also imagine WWX eventually leaning into it. A little bit of teasing to let it be known that there are no hard feelings.#LWJ (the funniest guy ever) would bide his time. Waiting for it to die down.#Then launch devastating blow as he joins in with “Wei Ying is in the courtyard. Please refrain from stabbing him today.”#Modern AU juniors would be brutal with the group chat lore. The pinned messages is a hall of fame and a hall of shame.#Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is sacred.#And poor jin ling is too reactionary. He is the ideal target because he flusters in a funny way.#I (the punchline friend) know my role well. I have been at the epicenter of many memorable typos and on-going bits.#You have to embrace it. Reverse it on them. Wield it as your power. Edit your messages to INCLUDE the typo.#(Fellow punchlines; I would *love* to hear your stories. Your jestery burdens. Your infamous typos. This is a safe space.)
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Demon Twins and Death
Inspired by this post by @spiders-in-the-primrose
Damian had spent years loathing Danyal. The weaker, pathetic son. The son who did not have what it took to carry the name Al Ghul. The twin who had died and was swallowed by the Lazarus pits, never to be seen again.
The twin Damian killed.
His brother had welcomed death with tears and sobs. His last words were stained by the blood he choke out, "It had to be you, akhi." He whispered as the blood spilled from his mouth and a sword was pressed further into his stomach.
When he was sent to his father, he remained with his belief in being the better son. That Danyal was not worthy of being the son of the demon and the son of the bat. He could have been one but in the end, only Damian was worthy for both.
And yet as the years passed, Damian grew and changed. And then he finally understood.
In his family of heroes, his family who strived to make the world better—Danyal would have been a better fit. Instead, Damian had been the one to become his father's son with his own twin's blood on his hands. His father must never know.
The idea of Danyal sparks rage, resentment, and utterly self-loathing. His kind and sweet brother who would have been the perfect son for his father. The son who was clearly the better person. Not in skill, power—but morals. Because like their father, Danyal would never kill.
What would have happened if Danyal was here with him? If he were still alive?
Damain can imagine his brother in the colors that Robin wore, another costume, another name. Because Damian will not give up that name after he managed to take it from Drake. But Danyal would have work the colors, would have been bubbly like Grayson. He would have taken care of the children on the streets like Todd. He would have helped their father in cases like Drake.
He would have been the brother they would have wanted.
And Damian tries not to drown in what his brother could have been. He can't help but admire this figment of his imagination. This hero in his kind that wore what could have been Danyal's face. This light within the darkness of Gotham who had a voice identical to Damian's.
And Damian does drown. Because he wants what his brother could have been.
Danyal Al Ghul died by the hands of his brother.
In the back of his mind, he thinks that he just wants his other half back.
Danny Fenton was born as the girl who would be his sister dragged him from a lake and nursed him to health.
The Fentons were strange people with strange ideals. Jack and Maddie were obsessed, they were not suited to care for children as they grabbed their weapons and hunted down any ghost their could find. When they were absent, Danny was left with Jasmine.
The memory of Damian is strong and cruel and it burned itself into his mind. The memory of that katana sinking into his gut, just as blood bubbles up his throat. He remembers an older brother who had to be the one to kill him.
He remembers and then he looks to Jasmine. She is warmth incarnate, with fiery hair and bright eyes that reminded him of stars on painting. His parents lack the warmth he craves but Jazz gives him so much that he can't help but melt everytime he's in her arms.
Neither of them can forget how fearful he was towards her when she first found him. He had only been six years old, feeling the effects of the Lazarus pit on his skin before he was spat out somewhere far, far away. He remembered being in Nanda Parbat then he was spat out somewhere in Illinois.
Jasmine had found him. Jazz had found him.
And Danny has decided long ago that Jazz was much better than Damian.
Even from the distance between them, Danyal continues to fear Damian. The part of him that he wished died when his own twin stabbed him to death continued to live on.
Then he died.
Again.
And he can't help but hope that Danyal is finally dead. That the failure was finally dead. His body only needed two. He only needed Danny and Phantom. Yes... Danyal was dead.
Danny would kill that part of him himself if he could.
He donned the mantle of hero, even when the people called him a menace at times. Danny was finally a hero, he was finally someone who could do good in the world. It was a blessing for him.
In all honesty, being a hero had been fun, even as he suffered. His rogues that fought him felt like friends that he had missed in his life. Parts of him yearned for when Skulker came out for a fight. He laughed whenever Ember moved to blast her music through the town and he was forced to fight her. He was fond of both Kitty and Johnny, even when they fought and caused havoc. Trouble felt like home for once.
The half of him that was dead yearned for a fight, yearned for an obsession. Protection—he was told—was his own obsession.
To protect, to fight, to make sure that whatever fell into his obsession was safe and sound. He thinks of Amity Park—his haunt, his domain—and assumed it was what he wanted to protect. He had fought Pariah Dark, became King through conquest and continued to protect.
But a part of him knew that something was wrong. He knew that it wasn't Amity Park that he would protect at all cost. No.
It was always Jazz. Always his big sister who cradled him, who figured out he was Phantom, who could tell whether he was himself or not. The greatest part of his obsession fell onto the older sibling who loves him unconditionally, always reminding him that there was another half of him in the world that killed him. But Jazz was none of that.
Danny loved his family. He loved Elle who grew to be his little sister. He loved his parents even when they were difficult. He loved his friends—Sam, Tucker, Valerie. He loved them so dearly and yet they could never match up to Jazz.
Danny doesn't know what he'd do without her.
(Lies. He knew what would happen if Jazz was taken from her. He knew what kind of monster he'd become—one that the observants demanded to be killed. He knew damn well that Jazz Fenton was the only thing that kept him human.)
(Dan existed for a reason.)
(Danny would burn the world for his sister.)
(And he'd kill himself for fear of his brother.)
Fate is a cruel mistress that knew what she was doing. Twins were tied by blood, mind, and soul. An invisible thread that made sure they were connected one way or another. He shouldn't be surprised that they were going to be reunited at some point.
Danny Fenton and Damian Wayne meet.
It's been years. They've changed. They've become new people. Damian is Robin, the son of the bat (not heir to the demons head). Danny is Phantom, High King of the Infinite Realms (not the failure devoured by the Lazarus).
But that doesn't stop Danyal Al Ghul from drowning in fear at the mere visage of Damian Al Ghul.
Danny plays as ambassador, not king. He won't risk himself by telling people who he truly is. He can't. No.
When he summoned and claims that he is an ambassador sent as a substitute, the Justice League accepts what they are given and pleaded for aid.
But Robin is there with Batman. Robin and Phantom meet.
Robin sees Danyal and Phantom sees his murderer.
The moment his body was no longer frozen, Damian sucked in a deep breath as he stared at the face of his own beloved twin. His brother that died by his hands and was claimed by the pits. Had the Lazarus turned him into a creature of the realms?
"Danyal..." Robin sounded hopeful, desperate. He reached forward and almost crossed the circle if not for his father and Nightwing pulling him back with confusion and concern. They look towards the Ghostly being with a face that resembled their father and youngest a little too much.
Danny? Had he been human, his heart would have stopped after ricocheting. He stopped breathing, rendering his lungs useless. This was Damian. A hero of his own right even when he was a monster in Danny's eyes.
Danyal Al Ghul feared Damian.
Phantom was a manifestation of something of Danyal's death.
"You mistake me for someone, Heir to the Demon's head." His voice tore through air, distorted by his own will. Danny was king, he had to remind himself that.
"I am a manifestation. I am born from a concept and emotion. You would not have met me." The lies were not lies. Truths bended to his will as he spoke and pressed against the barrier made by the summoning circle. "But you recognize this body that I have taken form in."
"Then your appearance belonged to a living person." Batman growled.
Danny realizes that this was his father. Perhaps Ra's was right at some point—blood calls to blood.
"What have you done to Danyal?! Where is my twin brother, demon!" Robin's words leak venom as he slams a hand against the barrier.
Danyal tremblesPhantom was amused.
"Bats, tell your brat to back off! That's the ghost king's fuckin' ambassador." The Hellblazer hissed, watching as Batman pulled his son away.
But Damian—Robin—stands still.
Phantom grinned, flashing his teeth as he leaned closed to the barrier. Even when his appearance was born of inverted colors with Lazarus eyes rather than the sky, Damian could recognize his twin's face anywhere.
Both of them knew what happened to Danyal. Killed by his own brother.
But only Phantom knew what happened after.
"Oh little bird... I killed him."
Masterpost
#dpxdc#danny phantom#dc x dp#batfam#robin#damian wayne#damian al ghul#danny fenton#damian and danny are twins#angst#Danny's not mental stable obviously#He suppressed parts of him and claims that he “killed” himself#He's both scared and not#Damian murdered him in cold blood but got character development and became guilty and regretted it later on#Damian is obsessed with Danyal even though hes dead#Danny is obsessed with Jazz cause sibling love was weaponized against him#Deep down he understands why Dan went crazy#he'd burn the world for Jazz too#but he'd let Damian stab him cause at least his akhi is the last thing he sees bedore the lazarus pit claims him#Demon twins and Death
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FNAF Phone guy was wild for saying that to Michael..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#phone guy#fnaf 1#sister location#fnaf fanart#HOLY SHIT PHONE GUY MENTIONED AGAIN 🔥🔥#NOW WITH A FULL HUMAN DESIGN ☎️#listen I know I���ll never beat his object head form#BUT I wanted to take at least one stab at making him a design!#my thought process I based him off William and Bob the security guard from the movie!#those two basically gives off the general idea I thought phone guy looked like#made sure to give him red all over his design too to match the phone head deal 🙏🏾#SO YEAH in retrospect phone guy saying this TO MICHAEL is crazy#you think Michael just sat there like 😐#Michael straight up had an endo shoved into him and he was wore like a suit 💀#PHONE GUY definitely didn’t know but yeesh hit close to home there#I REALLY hope yall like PG design!!#I’ll probably tweak it a lil if I do draw it again#now phone guy phone dude and tape girl all have human designs let’s go!! 🩵🩵
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something, something peak romance
#bg3#durgetash#neither safe nor sane and idk how much these fucks know about consent#but it's hot#obligatory don't try this at home#or do#i ain't your parent#... id let him stab my hand to something too#dark urge#enver gortash#baldur's gate 3#and why do i always draw this type of stuff on the couch next to my family?
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I should find another hobby
Anyway, if Merlin was set in modern times, Arthur would have called Merlin his “gay awakening”.
#arthur’s mind in this moment (probably)#‘what the fuck is a stab with a magical sword anyway’#‘let me kiss merlin’#‘let’s smooch’#‘let’s go back to camelot and copulate’#‘why haven’t i done this before i mean WHATEVER I’M JUST DYING SO’#‘let’s make the best of my last few moments AM I RIGHT FELLAS’#‘come on merlin one small peck coME HERE’#and merlin’s thoughts (probably):#‘if you die without kissing me i will sentence you to death’#‘no hesitation’#‘put those pretty lips on minE COME ON ARTHIE’#merlin’s thought as he waits for arthur’s return (probably)#‘i’ll kill him again. what the fuck does thank you even mean’#‘bro be for real we’re just gay’#‘we were supposed to bed each other and you died in my arms instead’#‘pretty dramatic if you ask me’#if you didn’t notice i’m going insane#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#i’ll probably delete it later because i don’t feel that sure about it but i wanted a laugh#i made this out of desperation for the finale since i finished my rewatch#please send help
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