#let him play a bard they're fucking fun

[symbioticsimplicity]

Okay so I know we all headcanon Steve as tolerating DND because his loved ones are into it, but he’s not into it himself when they all but strong arm him into trying it.

But I would like to submit the idea that he get stuck playing the wrong class the first time.

Dustin designs him a paladin for his first run. It seems like the obvious choice, plus who doesn’t need a paladin in their party?? Steve is their literal knight in shinning armor, it tracks.

He hates it.

He doesn’t get most of the mechanics, trying to keep track of spell slots is a pain, remembering to do all the shit with his patron is annoying, the character themselves is kinda basic (no offense Dustin), and playing strictly Lawful Good is just so fucking boring. He figures he just doesn’t like DND, and resolves to play this campaign out with them but never do it again.

Then his character gets killed unexpectedly during a boss fight, so he has to make a new one.

Eddie, who’s a great DM and also has been paying attention to Steve because of course he has, suggests Steve build this one himself. Steve is of course unsure about this and argues that he’d have no idea how to do that, so Eddie offers to help walk him through it. Steve stays a little later that night and they work on making him a character he’ll actually enjoy playing.

Thus is born Riot the Rad, the most self indulgent bard to grace their humble party.

The difference is immediate. There’s less to keep track of, and Eddie made sure to explain the things he did need to keep an eye on. Steve actually finds himself engaging the story, trying things he wouldn’t have before and getting into his character. Especially the flirtiness, which flusters the shit out of Eddie though he does his best to seem like it doesn’t. Eddie wants to be mad that Steve just seduced one of the villains but he just can’t quite muster it, especially when Steve is improving a song about the villain’s “Big pretty brown eyes”.

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

M*A*S*H 4077 & DND

guess who started their m*a*s*h rewatch around the same time they've gotten into d&d and now cannot stop thinking about the utter chaos and hyjinks of The Gang trying to play a campaign. it starts with none of them really super into fantasy roleplay, but they're all So Fucking Bored they might as well play to have something to do.

it started off imaging just what role they'd each play, but now I couldn't stop myself from imaging each person's race, class, AND, just for fun, the dice they'd use!

hawkeye: isn't that bothered about races, probably either an elf or just a human. class is paladin, relating the paladin's 'call for good' something like the oath doctors take to always help and heal patients, no matter what (and, let's be honest, probably feeds into his egotistical nature at being a naturally skilled surgeon, as if he was 'called'). cannot be Asked to care about ability scores (only to deeply regret it when he's nearly off'd the first battle) except for pouring most of his points into charisma. mostly likely of the party to Fuck his way out of a confrontation (no matter the other's gender #bihawkrights). spends most of the campaign messing around and forgetting what his spells are, but when the party hits a serious battle, is the first to throw himself in and use any spells to help his friends before himself. originally wasn't that interested in the game, but overtime becomes one of the ones who gets really into it, screaming across the board at ppl's bad roles and cheering & trying to pick ppl up in glee when they win. dice of choice:

(just the most wack-ass coloured dice I could find, metaphor for the inside of his brain (also this way he can tell if anyone tries to conceal any as theirs)).

radar: while interested in the fantasy stuff (being a comic reader), was a little intimidated with all the math & rules involved until hawkeye and bj convince him. part of me thinks he could be a halfling or dwarf, but then I think he might enjoy being a humanoid creature like a minotaur (farm boy) or a satyr bc of his love of animals. class is bard, where he carries/plays the drum. enjoys and gets really into the story, but is always flummoxed when it comes to the battles, asking what everyone else thinks his character should do (only for everyone to yell back several different answers). always needs a couple of seconds of mental math to add his modifier to dice rolls (me too radar) but when the party comes across a riddle or puzzle, is usually the first to figure it out. keeps trying to pick up small creatures to put them in his sack. is not allowed to talk while people make their roles bc of too many times where he's predicted the number before they can read the dice (the moment of hawkeye's saving role during a Big Bad battle was kind of ruined when radar elatedly jumped up at the nat20 before the dice even left hawk's hand). dice of choice:

(cute little puppers!)

margaret: at first is staunchly against it, calling it childs' play, but eventually is worn down by hawk & bj and is also so bored, she gives in. thought she might be an elf, but in the end chooses genasi, picking fire power. chooses the fighter class, leaving hawkeye to make a remark that gets a dice thrown at his head. doesn't really get super into the meta of the game or the story (often tells the dm to get on with it and cut to the action) but does love to play, where it overtime becomes a good outlet for anger ('the demon tries to approach you, margaret what do you-' 'I SLICE OFF HIS KNEECAPS WITH MY BATTLEAXE!'). is a good player until the roles don't go her way ('you only rolled a 10, so your attack doesn't hit-' 'SCREW YOU! KLINGER GIVE ME YOUR 18 ROLE!'). is pretending like she isn't having fun but everyone can see through her. dice of choice:

(these seemed the most like margaret, elegant but not too girly).

henry: is also peer-pressured into joining. picks barbarian class so he doesn't have to think about spells. tries to pick human bc all the other races were 'too complicated' but got told due to his class, he has to pick a more built character like an orc, so an orc he ends up being. but he's bad at it, often either trying to escape a battle or by being a peacemaker, trying to persuade the monster out of battle but with such a low charisma score, it usually ends up with him getting clonked over the head and margaret jumping in before he's killed. keeps trying to give his gold to poor peasants they meet along the way. doesn't understand any of the mechanics. rolls so many nat1's that nobody will switch dice with him anymore, thinking his are cursed. the game is often more stressful for him then not, but he enjoys the time with his friends. dice of choice:

(I dunno, for some reason when I think of henry I think of a dark orange/amber).

potter: prolongs joining, thinking he's too old for it, but is also peer-pressured and eventually caves, thinking it'll be good for morale. chooses dwarf and for his class to be an old wizard. doesn't understand half the rules, spends most of the time muttering under his breath as he goes over the manual, radar (un)helpfully leaning in beside him to explain. but once he gets the hang of it is a good team member; is the only other person besides margaret to take the hints and puzzles seriously and without him (+her) the party would probably be making circles lost in some boundless woods somewhere. cheers his teammates on when they make a high roll or powerful move and only occasionally has outbursts ('well colonial sir, you need a 16 or higher to cast-' 'MULE FRITTERS! I said cast magic missile and that's an order!!!"). dice of choice:

(same thing - when I think of potter, I think a dark blue).

charles: the last of the group to get into it. completely refused and repeated that 'he was far too smart for that kids' stuff' and everyone was wasting their time. but when someone had to dip out of the campaign last minute to deal with a medical thing, charles was brought in as filler with the promise of a day's R&R. at first I thought high elf, but switched to dragonborne, of the noble variety of course. chooses sorcerer (blessed with some innate magic, as his ego prefers). constantly complains about the needless complexity of the rules and why bother having ability scores when it's the modifier that counts???? is always arguing with the dm on his rolls. uses up half of his turns to use mage hand to steal hawkeye's things or cast ray of sickness on him when he's being annoying - but, when it comes down to it, is one of the more strategic players and has gotten them out of many sticky situations. like margaret, is pretending he isn't having fun, but isn't immune to jumping up with the others over a saving nat20 role, at one time even excitedly picking up a confused radar. in the end, swallows his pride to shyly ask if he can join the party finally ('you know, it'll, uh..it will give me something to do during those boring intervals, and clearly this group needs all the brains it can get..' '..charles, you wanna come play with us?' 'well, if I must..'). dice of choice:

(the snootiest of dice, a pure gold colour).

mulcahy: also initially intimidated by the mechanics, but is happy to play a game with his friends. a possible half-elf or maybe a wise owlin. cleric, obviously. gets invested in the storyline, often applauding the dm's story or asking 'what happens next???" only to be told to wait till the next meet. one of the few who has actual healing spells and probably the only reason everyone didn't die in their first battle. a nerd who enjoys solving the puzzles. actually gets into the lore and one time had a deep, 2 hr conversation with radar & hawkeye about the disenfranchisement of some of the races and the hierarchy of the class/rule structure within the fantasy realm, and how it relates to theirs. the next day, radar came to his tent to show him a little sketch he did of his character in cleric robes, shrugging it off, but mulcahy loved it so much he pinned it up on his tent walls. dice of choice:

(inspired by one of my favourite mulcahy lines, when he's talking about missing holding services in real churches - 'I am rather fond of stained glass', which I always think of whenever I see stained windows. tried to pick the ones that emulated the colours best (also would've liked maybe a light, forest green colour; it just feels mulcahy-esque to me).

klinger: one of the first to join bc what else what he gunna do but sit in his tent, sewing up pantyhose? rogue class, of course, relating to the 'urchin' background. changeling race, so that way with his class he can hide at any moment, and also, as he says, 'can perfectly match his outfit no matter what he looks like!' tries to follow the storyline but doesn't have the attention span for it, half the time guessing the wrong answer to any clue or puzzle (will come and poke the dm awake in the middle of the night with his patrol gun, claiming to have figured it out). second after hawkeye to try and Fuck his way out of a situation. cannot do math to save his life, making margaret often rip his dice away from him to add it herself. will gang up with hawkeye to use his pickpocket skill on charles. resourceful enough to have tricked the villains multiple times and gotten away with it but will also roll to try and kick the villain in the nuts to see what happens. dice of choice:

(these just screamed klinger to me; I like the dark, 'masculine' colour contrasted with with the colourful flowers).

bj: thought I missed him? well, I saved the best for last bc bj...is the dm! ha ha! no one really in particular stood out, but after thinking on it, he seems like the best fit. first, I was thinking of the episode 'the kids' where he gets really into the story he's telling, full of voices and sound affects and all. and secondly, our kindly mustacheo'd doctor loves Mind Games and pranks - what better way then stringing his friends along into one big, zigzag puzzle? bj loves nothing more then having his friends on the edge of their seats, only to pull out a bad guy the group thought they got rid of months ago, glee in his eyes watching them combust into screaming and table flipping. getting a thrill during off hours, hearing hawkeye & charles hastily whisper across bunks to each other on the campaign thinking he can't hear them, or getting shaken awake by margaret in the middle of the night, demanding answers. he spends hours planning out the campaigns in the tent (and finding new places to hide his papers from hawkeye), sometimes writing peg about it and occasionally - if the timing of the mail is right - using her suggestions she writes back. but mostly, bj just loves watching his friends have a good time - cheering each other on and hollering with each battle won, feeling proud of them for everything accomplished (when he doesn't have to babysit hawkeye & charles from casting spells on each other, trying to answer radar's 49th question on how rolls work, or keep margaret from solo fighting the demon fifteen levels above her). dice of choice:

(idk, these just feel 'bj hunnicutt' to me).

other camp members: - frank: was only let in Once after margaret begged hawk & bj, saying it was only fair. initially picked human bc 'they're clearly the purest and most civilized race!!' (causing eyerolls), quit thirty minutes in after being told he couldn't be a fighter 'cause they already had margaret and that he couldn't just 'set all his abilities to 20', calling them all nerds and angrily throwing a d20, only for it to bounce back on the tent beam and hit him in the eye. - some of the nurses have occasionally filled in, but otherwise don't play outside of margaret (most of their time was filled up with hawkeye using his character to flirt with theirs). one time nurse kellye filled in; she played a cute little halfling druid, and her and radar teamed up to help rescue all the forest animals, much to the groups chagrin. - zale & igor: permanently banned. both tried to eat the dice on a dare.

campaigns are held twice a month in the swamp, with drinks and stale pretzels to go around. use to sometimes go all night but after one too many nights of clambering arguments over each other's rolls, the whole camp banded together to force a curfew. while the game only exists within the swamp's quarters, they'll once and a while jokingly call each other by their character's names (and if you're margaret, one time accidentally using it to call hawkeye to surgery, which he now never lets her live down). during the last campaign of the story, radar pulls out another drawing he did - this time of everyone's characters, standing valiantly over the dragon they slayed. it now has a place of honour hung in the swamp.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

A pretty distraction

When Gale transforms into a woman during a mission, Tav and Astarion can’t keep their dirty thoughts at bay. Poor Karlach and Wyll get caught in the cross fire.

(Trigger warning (18+): graphic description of sex, smut, threesome, body worship, cowgirl, fellatio, fingering, polymorph spell)

Notes:

Karlach’s and Wyll’s faith is based on this fic.

"The Staff of Authority. What's that thing again?"

"It's the sceptre that the Council of Four passes onto their successors during the ceremony," Wyll explained a second time, slightly irritated. "It's a meaningful and important artefact of the Baldur's Gate nobles."

"How boring," Astarion retorted. "They have no imagination. They should have come up with something more fun. Like a butt plug. That would be more enjoyable than the stick those nobles have up their asses."

Wyll almost frothed at the mouth.

"Have you no respect? These noble families play an extremely important roles to keep Baldur's Gate the flourishing city it is!"

"It still can't hold a candle to the City of Splendors," Gale chimed in, smirking smugly.

"Stop encouraging Astarion's bad manners!" the warlock hissed.

"Calm down, sunshine. Gale's clearly teasing," Karlach chuckled and wrapped an arm around her lover.

Wyll grumbled unintelligible, but was glad for the grounding touch.

"But the Staff of Authority got stolen and your father tasked us with getting it back," Tav finished the conversation.

The vampire spawn wrinkled his nose.

"I never liked playing the hero."

"Stop complaining, love. We all know, deep down, you're a softie," the bard teased him lightly, kissing his cheek.

The addressed pursed his lips and tried to look more pissed than he actually was – and failed.

"At least, we know where the item is," Gale sighed. "I'm glad we're done drinking our way through every seedy tavern of the city. The watered-down beer was repelling. Downright vile."

"Oh, shut up, darling. We all know you prefer the finer things in life. Something full-bodied and red."

"Like me!" grinned Karlach and winked.

Tav burst out into laughter and the tiefling was pleased with herself.

"Anyway, we must hurry to get the Staff of Authority back because it'll be auctioned off via the black market tonight," Gale brought the conversation back to the original topic. "So, here's the plan; Tav will wear her best red dress, heading towards the building. The security guard will be distracted by her beauty and, with a weaponized smile and wink, she'll get pass them. After walking down the hallway, she'll enter the buffet room and open a window, complaining about the stuffy air inside. While everyone will move to the auction hall, Astarion will squeeze through the window, cloaked in an invisibility spell, make his way backstage to the storage room, and boom; we'll get the Staff of Authority back."

"You know that won't work, right?" remarked Astarion, eyeing the wizard judgingly. "Nobody would let Tav in, not to mention that she doesn't own a single dress in the first place."

"Well, we could make it work," replied the wizard, miffed.

"Let me do it then. I look smashing in red," beamed Karlach, already planning her sneak attacks.

Tsking, the vampire spawn rolled his eyes, annoyed of all the bullshit.

"I hate to be the one to say it, but Astarion's right," chimed Tav in. "Neither you nor I are what men typically desire in a woman."

Karlach pouted, fussing with her braids.

"We could really use Shadowheart right now," said Wyll.

"Mhm, but she can't neglect her duties as a high priestess of Selûne. They're really busy at the temple at the moment because the Moon Festival's near," Tav replied, looking wistful.

"Hm... I have an idea," Gale announced.

He waved about his arms elegantly, reciting a magic spell, and right before his friends' eyes, he turned into a beautiful, shapely woman.

"Gods, you're gorgeous!" Astarion blurted out.

Immediately, Gale turned crimson.

"You think so?" he muttered with a warm, singsong-y, sultry voice.

"Fuck," Tav breathed, enraptured.

"Indeed, darling. 'Fuck'," the vampire spawn snickered, licking his lips.

"Can you two stop eying your lover like a dish on the dinner table?" Wyll asked, uncomfortable.

"Oh, we'll eat him right up, don't you worry," Astarion purred and Gale hid his heated face behind his hands in embarrassment.

Wyll was thankful that his skin colour concealed the blush which would have been visible all across his face and neck otherwise. Karlach laughed and pulled him against her chest.

"Gale does look hot though," she smirked.

"Hold that thought," Tav told Astarion who grinned, "but first we must complete our task."

Instead of squeezing through a window, they used an invisibility spell to sneak into the building. Gale didn't even have to enchant the guards, all he needed was a sultry blink of his big, brown eyes, a coy smile, and the plunging neckline of his deep blue dress. Stealing back the Staff of Authority was easy – especially when being accompanied by someone who had nimble fingers like Astarion. Within five minutes, they were in and out of the building, and when the black market merchants realised that the item was gone and chaos broke out, Tav and her friends were already halfway across the city.

"That was easier than expected," grinned the bard. " Ulder Ravengard will be pleased."

Wyll's father was delighted about their successful deed, thanking them profoundly in the name of the Baldur's Gate population. Tav wished they would have received coin instead of praise, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Thank you for helping to keep a decades-old tradition alive," Ulder beamed. "It would have been an absolute devastation to lose such an important and meaningful historical artefact."

"No problem. It's our job to help people in need," Tav lilted, hoping to remind the Grand Duke to finally pay them with actual money. "And it's wonderful to see Wyll and Karlach again. We hadn't found the time to meet up since they'd left Waterdeep two months ago. I'm dying to find out what they'd been up to."

"About that... There's something Karlach and I want to tell you," replied Wyll, clearing his throat. "Well... we've decided to extend the hunting lodge in the nearby forest that belongs to the Ravengard family. There, we want to raise our future children. Of course, guests are always welcome. And I'll take on the offered position as General of the City Guard."

Tav raised an eyebrow and asked: "You'll be a part of the Flaming Fists? The guys who made our lives harder when we fought the Absolute?"

"No, no," Wyll explained hastily. "The City Guard is a new faction. It was founded after we destroyed Gortash's Steel Watch. They're a separate group and have nothing to do with the Flaming Fists."

"Unfortunately, the latter aren't what they once were," sighed Ulder. "Back when I was a marshal, the Flaming Fists were in their prime."

Tav bit her tongue to keep herself from giving a cheeky reply. One look at Astarion revealed that he was doing the same.

"Finally!" the vampire spawn exclaimed, slamming the door of their rented room shut. "I thought Ravengard would never shut up! He didn't even pay us, that cutthroat!"

"Yeah, it's a bit disappointing," Tav agreed.

"An understatement. But... we can finally devour our wonderful wizard."

Astarion locked eyes with Gale, licking his lips hungrily, and the latter shuddered in anticipation. The wizard hadn't dropped his magic disguise yet, still presenting himself as a busty woman. Astarion stalked closer to him, truly looking like the predator he was.

"I want to devour you, darling," he purred, stroking Gale's cheek. "Take your dress off."

The addressed blushed, but snapped his fingers and was stark naked in an instant.

"You're beautiful this way, but I would miss that lovely cock of yours if you'd stay like this forever," the vampire spawn revealed.

The wizard cleared his throat, flustered.

"Well... I can change my uhm… 'appearance'. Down there."

"Hmm, Gods, yes." Astarion bit his lip and felt arousal shoot through him like lightning.

With a heated face, Gale mumbled a spell and his genitalia changed back to its original form. Both the vampire spawn and the human bard stared at him hungrily.

"Gods, darling, let me. Please," Astarion begged, almost whined, and before he got an answer, he was on his knees and swallowed Gale's member down. The latter gasped, one hand immediately flying to his lover's head and stroking his pointed ear. Astarion moaned around him and the wizard shuddered.

"You look so beautiful together," Tav remarked.

She moved closer, petting Astarion's hair with one hand while pulling Gale in with the other. They kissed tenderly, a sensual slide of their tongues. The wizard moaned lowly into her mouth.

"Astarion," he warned. The addressed hummed, rolling his balls in one hand. "Stop, please. I - I don't want it to end yet."

The vampire spawn drew back, panting and with his pupils blown wide. Gale gasped for air and desperately tried to gain control. Tav kissed his cheek and asked: "Everything alright?"

The wizard nodded, still slightly out of breath. A bit unsteady on his legs, Astarion got up. Tav reached for him and kissed him hungrily. When she finally let go of him, Gale gave him a peck too. They moved over to the bed, laying the wizard out like a feast. Tav started to kiss his collarbones, then, his breasts. Astarion nibbled on his neck. Gale trembled with pleasure, panting erratically. The few, low noises he made sounded foreign to his own ears. He wasn't used to the female voice that left his mouth.

The wizard still struggled to accept being at the receiving end of pleasure instead of giving it. Tav had realised his reluctance, how it had been hammered into him by Mystra to be the worshiper, and, since then, the bard showed him over and over again what it means to be worshiped for once. Gale was still slightly uncomfortable with it, but got better at enjoying it each time, no longer feeling so terribly guilty for taking instead of giving.

Now, it wasn't any different, and Gale let the pleasure wash over him guilt-free, panting and trembling under the gentle affection provided by Astarion and Tav.

"Beautiful," the vampire spawn whispered, petting the wizard's long, sweaty mane.

"Can I ride you?" the bard asked, looking desperate.

"Please do," whispered Gale and almost choked on a moan when his lover sunk down on him.

Tav was always so soft, wet, and hot around him. She felt amazing and wasn't afraid or ashamed to voice her desires. He loved it.

Astarion fondled Gale's big breasts, sucking on his nipples, and the wizard's hips bucked up with a gasp.

"That's it, darling. Show us how good you feel," the vampire spawn purred and kissed him sloppily.

Gale's breath hitched when he climaxed, trembling all over. Tav moaned loudly and shamelessly, grinding her hips down. It was too much and the wizard whimpered.

"Apologies, love," the bard panted and got off of him.

As always, she'd interpreted his body language correctly. Gale sighed a breath of relief. Tav crawled closer and started to blow Astarion who moaned against the wizard's lips.

"Slow down, darling."

The vampire spawn's plea fell on deaf ears and he mewled when Tav slipped a finger into his hole. Astarion's head fell back as he panted open-mouthed, exposing the long line of his neck. He lifted his right leg up over Tav's shoulder to give her better access. Gale littered the vampire spawn's neck with kisses, making him pant even harder. Suddenly, Astarion whined, digging his nails into Gale's shoulders.

"Yes! Right there, darling, right there! Aah!"

Tav hummed pleased and kept sucking him off while stroking his prostate. Astarion almost screamed when he came, covering Gale's soft stomach with his seeds. A bit roughly, he grabbed onto Tav and hauled her up to smash their mouths together.

"Gods..." Astarion felt dizzy.

Smiling at him, the bard caressed his cheek.

"Alright?" she asked.

The vampire spawn nodded, sighing contently when Tav kissed his forehead and Gale his temple. The latter finally dropped his polymorph spell, feeling incredibly drained and tired.

"I need sleep," mumbled Gale into Astarion's shoulder.

He curled up against the vampire spawn while Tav scooted closer to Astarion's other side. The latter smiled contently and sated.

"We must do this again," he remarked and his lovers hummed agreeingly.

Snuggled close together, they fell asleep.

[amanitaknowsbest]

I think the residents/staff of Hazbin Hotel would really benefit from a dnd campaign.

I know the obvious joke is that they're all basically gonna play themselves - Angel Dust would be a slutty bard, Niffty would be a murder hobo, Charlie would be the paladin so deeply out of their depth.

But I think it would give them the same opportunity we get. They can explore other options, they can be heroes or villains.

I think Angel Dust would still be the slutty bard, but I think he would also be the Team Mom. He would hassle and poke fun, but he also has all the health potions and keeps track of their food.

Niffty would be their damage dealer, and she'd have a blast getting to protect her protectors for a change.

Charlie would have a place to let off her frustrations safely and in a controlled environment. She'd be finding less and less convincing reasons why it's fine to put Niffty in a catapult and send her through the throne room stained glass window.

Vaggie would be the minmaxer and the voice of reason. Definitely not the face of the party, though.

Husk would barely pretend to be interested at first, but he would end up the true convert. Coming up with theories, battle plans, looking up new campaigns. It would even interfere with his drinking.

Alastor would want to be the DM but he is BANNED I love him but I would never put him in control of a campaign. Unless it was Curse of Strahd or similar, in which case I would give him the source material and get the FUCK outta town.

Lucifer would DM and it would be such a great outlet for his creativity, and it would get him out of the house.

[slocumjoe]

I'm curious if you have any more variety NSFW headcanons about the companions (sexual or non-sexual like you did before is fine)

sure

🎉NSFW grab bag 3🎉

Cait; Completely desensitized to public sex. If she catches it, doesn't think anything of it. So, if/when someone else notices, their reaction confuses her. Someone could be bare ass boning on a table in a bar, and Cait won't react. This bothers her compatriots immensely. "Cait, please, for our own sanity, alert us when there is sex so we can leave." "...Why are you watching? Kinda rude." Stresses Danse the fuck out in particular. She's not even a voyeur, she just doesn't care. How do you think they made y– oh. Right.

Curie; Dreads inspections of the genital variety because her patients make it weird. Ma'am, Curie knows what's down there. She isn't spooked. She has one too. Just let her do her job so she can figure out how to help you. If one more person makes a fisting/fingering/prostate exam joke, she's going to do it, regardless of what they're actually in for. Broken leg? No, you brought this upon yourself. Oh, and by the way...if the doctor/nurse doesn't ask you to drop your pants, or undress in anyway...DON'T FUCKING UNDRESS.

Danse; Hypervigilant of public sex ever since he figured out that it could be happening anywhere, in any manner, and Cait won't say anything. A bossy partner has him by the throat and he's completely obsessed with it. Can get out of handcuffs pretty easily. Doesn’t know where he learned that, just knows its a fun plot twist in bed. Especially if there are repercussions. He's a good little soldier boy, he wants to serve and be punished for disobeying. Sometimes wonders if he subconciously joined the Brotherhood for impure reasons. They do have collars on the jumpsuit...and Danse ends up liking that sort of thing...

Deacon; His ultimate fantasy is a generic Royal setting. He's the concierge/bard for the visiting noble family, there to marry their son off to the king's child (his partner). But the marriage cannot go through, as there's been a murder attempt on the king! As the bard, he sees all in the court and festivities, watching from the sidelines and speaking in hushed tones with the servants, gathering clues, but...the bride/groom-to-be is what truly catches his eye...but they, themselves, suspect him as the would-be assassin. This ends in doggy in a bush outside a fancy colonial building in Boston, in place of a castle garden.

Gage; A lot more prudish than you'd think. Not to Danse's levels, but definitely not Cait's, either. Becomes more prudish if he's into someone, and they're being risqué. Most of it is directed at himself, feels like the dirty old man he is. Guilty of wandering eyes. Gets more flustered by someone being half-dressed/dressed revealingly than them being naked. Leaving it to the imagination and such.. Naked is nice, yeah, but...let him think about it, and his partner will have a noticeably more intense experience.

Hancock; Once had a wet dream his dick fell off and he kept it for himself. The idea doesn't appeal to him at all in his waking hours, so he's terribly confused. Has a soft spot for a nice jawline and eyebrows. Acts like a bottom to his partners, bratty, and then tables the turns once they're in bed. If his partner switches it up again, he'll play along, only to also switch things again. This will continue until someone cums, or they're so stubborn they never stop and both of them die of exhaustion. The longest streak was 45, both sides.

MacCready; Would die if he had sex with one of them thick gothic milfs those tiktok kids are always drooling over. MacCready likes mean, bully women. Valley girls, maybe even that Ann Codman lady in D.C. Would he get in a relationship with them? God, no. One-night stand? Yes. Yes, 100%, no question. Maybe it's the confidence to be horrible? He's pretty embarrassed about this. He should be. This fuck would clown around with Regina George in The Costume.

Nick; Long, long ago, Nick Valentine, with his theatrical tastes, his love of the arts, found himself in...certain circles. Ones with polite, soft-spoken men and women, who could turn as hard as you begged for. Later in life, Nick would use his experience in these circles for his and Jenny's enjoyment, though at that point, he was the ring-master of the show. And maybe, potentially...200 years after the world ended...a synth detective could use implanted memories of such times to gentle-dom someone's brains out.

Piper; Has spent a concerning amount of time scavenging adult shops for sex toys. Anything that works and is clean/cleanable. Just...needs something that isn't ol' reliable, y'know. Gets a bad case of the Idiot when horny, everyone becomes a bit more appealing. If she was totally honest...Cait would be her first choice, if she had one. If not Cait, X6-88. That man is goddamn pretty. Yeah, Piper has a things for bad girls/boys.

Preston; I've said before, Preston had a hoe phase, when he first joined the Minutemen. He was a good looking young man, traveling around with other physically fit people who just joined as well, sometimes helping people who were very grateful. So, yeah, Preston has had more than one partner at a time. Would he do that now? If it was a poly situation, and he liked both of them, maybe. But looking back, he's surprised he never caught something, be it a a disease or a complex. Sometimes remembers lines of dirty talk and cringes out of his own skin.

X6-88; The Institute is very strict on schedules and worktime, and there isn't much privacy. The walls are thin. There isn't often individual bedrooms, so as to save time and resources. So...when humans get a little frisky...they do it when, and where they can. This can means down a work tunnel, behind loud machinery...under a desk, occasionally. Sometimes you get guard duty. Sometimes you have to go find the people in question. Sometimes you're just walking.

X6-88 has seen a lot.

[masterqwertster]

Ok don’t publish it if you don’t have to but man this weekend is bumming me right out with this “

Yeah, there is certainly some aggression going on against people wishing for resurrection because others find it a poignant narrative that a sacrifice can't be undone, that it lasts and has consequences, that it puts weight to the stakes. And they think that coming back to life after specifically doing something you know will 100% kill you cheapens sacrifice.

Personally, I think that being brought back after you willingly and knowingly and successfully gave your life for others tells a story of how much you're loved. It's your friends saying "Fuck that. You're going to live. We're all going to live. We'll keep dragging each other back until we can't anymore, so fucking be here and fight."

It also adds another level of desperation to be stronger, smarter, to not be caught like that ever again because who knows if you can get them back next time (and however many times you fail after that). Resurrections get harder ever time a person is brought back. This is part of what bit Scanlan's ass right before Bard's Lament: the Revivify didn't take, so the rest of Vox Machina brought in his daughter to call him back during the Resurrection (which he hated) and got the chance to be dicks about bringing him back with the dumb pranks, all of which led to setting Scanlan off. And sure, Bells Hells had that desperation to keep each other alive from the Bassuras fight, but that doesn't mean that the sentiment can't be further sharpened even when you've managed to steal back all the lives of your party members that she took.

Honestly, I think that just having Chet and FCG die against the Murder Machine of Otohan after Bells Hells specifically and successfully went to efforts to get stronger still ups the stakes even if both end up revived. "All our might and we still faced that loss. It would have been all of us if FCG didn't make that play. We still cannot face the enemy leadership head-on as we are. We must get stronger still."

And I really think there's some fun character development to be had in giving FCG a flesh body. Will he actually like what they've envied about the others? How does one handle a completely new body that they're grateful for (that they should be grateful for, otherwise they'd be dead) but is just so different from what they know? Yes, FCG had that last moment clarity that he was in fact already fully alive, but there's definitely some "alive in the flesh" things to explore.

And more faith to explore too. Like, did he get to meet the Changebringer and talk with her in the afterlife? The Raven Queen? Speaking of just being in the afterlife, what about meeting Eshteross again? The other members of the Division of Public Benefit that he killed?

Also, I'm not sure how big a fan I am of the heavy breakdowns that will happen if FCG isn't resurrected. Bells Hells is suffering pretty good as is and I'd like them to have some happiness inbetween all the Moon Bullshit. Conflict drives a story, but you need soft moments to wind it down between heavy moments.

Because truthfully, most of what you get from keeping FCG dead is a bunch of breakdowns in the party without it's most optimistic member who actually advocates for communication, which they all suck at for various personal reasons. And a push towards the Villain Arc path that, honestly, a few are walking just fine without FCG staying dead and/or can still be pushed further down it just by the fact that he decided to kill himself to save their asses when no one wants to let any of the others go.

I do think that as far as martyrdom goes, what FCG did took a nice step away from "giving my life because it's worth less than any one of theirs and I think dying for a cause will give me absolution for the people I rage killed" and into "giving my life because it will save them and I don't know what else to do that will save them." There are certainly posts that get into the distinction between those choices better than I have. Which is where I think the "best ending for FCG" idea comes from, as it happened under the "best" reasoning for FCG to martyr himself. And to a certain degree, people have decided that martyrdom was unavoidable for FCG or that he was just highly prone to it and this was a good time/way to do it.

Still doesn't change that a self-sacrificing character did in fact sacrifice themself, though. Or that it didn't have to be the end that FCG met.

And I understand to some degree how Everyone Comes Back to Life if You Try can feel like it undermines the stakes. Because if no one stays dead, what do you have to fear from walking into mortal danger? Everyone will be fine right? Which is wrong. There is still trauma in dying, even when you're brought back. The realization of mortality, the struggle to steal back a life when it's not just a quick prayer in the heat of battle. And the ever looming possibility that you do it right and it's still not enough to steal them back.

Also, from the wider in-the-game-world's perspective: Resurrection is rare as shit and only people with immense wealth, connections, and/or power even have a shot at it.

Even mechanically it's not easy. You have to mind time limits, expensive costs, body conditions, spell levels and slots, not to mention that the dice can always say no.

So yes, Bells Hells probably needs to go to less effort to Reincarnate FCG than they did to resurrect Laudna because all they're missing is components while they have the likes of Keyleth who kind of owe them for Moon Scouting and killing Otohan and should be able to provide.

[sunshinemoonrx]

since you've taught me so much already. top 5 characters from historical literature (i love the guys i've heard about so far)

Helllll yeah. Okay so a lot of these are gonna be "all right here's a pretty famous guy but did you know he was originally different and weird!" Folklore time let's goooooo

Honourable mention: All of Medieval Welsh Lit

This is a catch-all I'm using to stop all 5 of these entries from being this because I gotta cover places like Turkey and Ireland. There's still a couple dw. But there's so many more like Rhiannon, world's most magical snarky part-time ponygirl; Macsen Wledic, who everyone wants to be their ancestor, or wait this is a reflection of the historical would-be Roman emperor Magnus Maximus; Mabon ap Modron, world's specialest boy who does fuck all Oh Wait this is an ancient deity who was syncretised with Apollo? Neat! Okay actual entries Go

5. Robin Hood

This is a prime case of "in the original version..." I'm actually a big fan of the earliest medieval Robin Hood ballads we have, they're very fun bouncy little adventures and the middle English is just comprehensible enough that I can alternate between reading the original text and the translation. Did you know that it took a couple centuries for Robin to be turned into an exiled lord (to make him more palatable to a noble audience when they started making plays about him, he originated in songs and performances at country fairs), and he was a commoner fucking with the king before then? And that despite how much a "modern twist" it seems, Marian (who might have started as an unrelated character with her own adventures) beating him in a fight actually pre-dates the nobleman thing!

4. Battal Gazi

The absolute lad. A pulp adventure style hero from medieval Turkish epics sourced from the Byzantine frontier. There's a real cowboy adventure vibe to these. And they got made into a series of campy adventure films in the 50s! And he defeated one HUNDRED Romans with EACH swing of his sword and EVERYONE clapped (for real I'm pretty sure he kills Charlemagne in one of these)

3. Taliesin

The secret main character of medieval Welsh literature and poetry! An actual historical poet of the 6th century who became so famous that later medieval writers would write legends about him having magic bardic powers, write poems in his voice...which makes it hard to figure out what he actually wrote! But what can be sorta confidently attributed to him mostly consists of praise poetry for the north-British king Urien Rheged, which is...maybe a little romantic? He always ends them with

"And until I fail in old age,

in the sore necessity of death,

May I not be smiling,

If I praise not Urien."

Which is nice. Urien is the sneaky other subject of this--he's also a really interesting guy halfway between history and legend, subject of a whole bunch more poetry and hegemon of his while region. His son, Owain, possibly fought in the famous battle of the Gododdin, was written as the leader of hundreds of giant magical ravens, and finally got absorbed into continental Arthurian legend as 'Yvain'

2. Cai the Fair

Speaking of Arthur! I'm a big fan of the original version based in Welsh folklore, a wandering warrior prior to his transformation into a chivalric king. Similarly, some of his knights started as companions of the original version, and my favourite is the counterpart of Sir Kay. In later and mainstream Arthuriana he's the jackass who exists to get clowned on to show how cool Lancelot or whoever is, but this is actually because he started off as Arthur's best guy, so in anime rival tradition, showing him up is an easy way to establish your cool new OC. The original Cai can grow giant, has both heat and cold powers, can survive underwater for weeks...he slays all kind of giants, fights a giant cat, and then he does one giant slaying in a slightly sneaky way and Arthur (who is sometimes called a "frivolous bard") sings a mean song about him and he swears never to help him again. Oops!

He's also a bit gay with it--he's often paired with Bedwyr (source of Sir Bedivere), they love questing together and swear by each other, Cai was heartbroken when he died...

1. Cú Chulainn

The BOY. My GUY

The central hero of most of the Ulster cycle, you may know him from Fate. But the Fate version is less weird and less anime than the medieval version!! This Cú is a weird little trans-coded twink with three-coloured hair, seven-coloured eyes, a bunch of named special moves and an epic duel to the death with his boyfriend.

He's such a fucked up little guy! He's the perfect product and also the perfect victim of the glory-obsessed warrior culture he exists in, he's driven to destroy himself and everyone around him by a constant terror of not being the best at all times, he's so...arrrrrgh. he's the guy!! He's an extremely bad person to be clear. I love him. Sometimes he gets so worked up into a warrior's frenzy he generates a flaming aura that can melt snow and has to be dunked in cold water to chill out! I have like three writing projects in the works that are basically "Cú Chulainn for lesbians". Highest honour I can bestow

[hazbinhazbinhazbinreblog]

For something more fluffy and funny

Imagine the AUs playing fucking DnD with Husk as the DM (because he was around the time DND got invented and I can see Husk being a good DM).

There is also a rule that there can only be ONE (maybe two depending on how big the party size is ) bard because Husk knows if that rule doesnt exist he's gonna have so many vicious mockery rolls its gonna give him a headache.

As for classes, now this is just me assigning peeps classes based on vibes and if they would play or not. If people have their own suggestions, please do share owo. (also please note I am baby DND noob, so most of info is coming from Baldur's Gate 3's wiki)

Canon Alastor-Bard, that is if anyone can get him to play and make him promise not to do something insane like teleport them into the world of DnD. (College of Lore branch). Sidenote: he only got bard because of that one animation where Alastor cats vicious mockery just insult Lucifer's height wheeeze. also because if you told al could hurt people with magical insults, he would go for it let's be honest.

Canon Vox-Artificer, since it seems up his ally but again this is a case of, can you get him to play it, probably more willing than canon Al, but would also rage quit if he fails dice rolls. (Artillerist branch)

Swap Alastor-He gives Cleric vibes. Probably more willing, but you would have to walk him through stuff. Probably ends up the team mom against his will. (Life Domain branch)

Swap Vox-Torn between Fighter or Paladin, leaning more towards Fighter. Probably not so willing, but would if his Alastor was. Would probably leave others for dead. (Champion Branch for Fighter, maybe Oath of Devotion branch for Paladin).

Secretly Married Alastor-Rogue, like Canon, would need to be talked into it, but may lean towards more willing just to humor it. Takes a lot of the notes and rolling the highest perception checks (Arcane trickster branch)

Secretly Married Vox-Sorcerer, like his partner, doing it to humor it (and also because sorcerer class sounded cool to him). Is hyping up his Al and somehow skating by on his rolls (example if the roll success require is like 15, he barley just makes it with the help of his modifiers). Also storm sorcery branch

Dadstatiocradio Alastor-Bard, because he does not trust his canon part to not pick fights with vicious mockery. May know more about the game thanks to his Charlie or not, who knows, but is the most willing to join in I say. (College of Valour branch).

Dadstaticradio Vox-Okay this one is hard, but like, he gives Enchantment branch wizard vibes tbh. Maybe just me tho. Also the most willing. Would threaten to cast fireball to make everyone shut up.

Radio Guard Alastor-Torn between Bloodhunter and warlock (Fiend branch because haha get it his deal with Lucifer). Probably legit only joined because Husk needed another sane player and or he was bored and was just "Fuck it". Is the one who takes it a bit more seriously and trying to gather the most information.

Radio Guard Vox-Ranger, because he thought it would be fun. Like Dadstaticradios, he is the most willing to join. Prides himself on headshots when he can get them in campaigns. ( Hunter branch maybe).

Blueberry-Warlock, really only joins after some convincing (and the promise of canon Alastor will be nice to him). The running joke and just confirmed campaign canon is Husk is Blueberry's patron who helps guide him around. (Husk Patron branch /j, Archfey tech).

Highschool Al and Vox are Dms with Husk since idk what they would be tbh.

May do a part 2 since this just,,,Vox and Als hfkdsjf

-⚔️ anon

I know the vicious mockery animation you're talking about it KILLS me I love it

I know very little about DnD as much as I want to learn but I love all of this so much, the overwhelming amount of AUs we have gathered makes for so much chaotic content when they're grouped together. You're so creative w these ideas

[teecupangel]

Just came to me even though I saw the D&D movie ages ago (along with a few re-watches) and- Ezio would either love or hate D&D bards so much. They're bards- something he hates; but they also have the spell Vicious Mockery which he really, really loves/wants. Killing his enemies by just trash-talking them? Might be the only redeemable thing about these newfangled magical bards.

Oh god, yes, Ezio would have complicated feelings for bards soooo much because he hates minstrels in canon.

But also: (me vibrating at finally being able to talk about my AC D&D ideas)

I have been thinking of how Desmond and his ancestors would play D&D and, really, when you think about it, these guys would be multiclassing different kinds of Rogues.

So my idea is:

Altaïr:

Main class: Rogue, focus on stealth, intimidation and loves sneak attacks.

Secondary class: either Soulknife or Artificer as a reference to the power of the Apple and his legacy of creating tools and devices beyond what should be available during his time. Go Soulknife route if you want him to be more on the side of hidden death, go artificer for more utility.

I did think of making him an Arcane Trickster but the spells of an Arcane Trickster are more about deceiving targets and Altaïr is less of a deceiver and more of a stealth-based assassin. (Unless you play him as more on the side of ‘fuck stealth, let’s chase our targets!’)

Ezio:

Since he wasn’t trained to be an Assassin since birth in canon, we can make a case of Ezio having a different main class with Rogue being his subclass. It would be funny if we make Bard his main class OR Ezio could be one of those d&d players who decide to multiclass… a lot of classes. It’s a risky move but definitely something teenage Ezio could do (ah, the hubris of a rich noble youth).

Hell, he could have decided to be a bard to get Cristina’s attention XD

I didn’t see Edgin’s stat block (because I don’t wanna sign up for D&D beyond) but my headcanon is Edgin leans heavily to Charisma and Ezio would be the same.

Definitely the party’s main healer XD

Ratonhnhaké:ton:

Main class: Druid for Wild Shape as reference to the DLC and his natural affinity to nature.

Possible Druid Circle choices: Circle of the Land would be the safest choice as it works well with Ratonhnhaké:ton’s connection to his land (Grasslands has Pass Without Trace which is super good for stealth checks) BUT Circle of the Moon focuses on Wild Shape combat which would make Ratonhnhaké:ton more formidable in any of his Wild Shape forms.

Secondary Class: Rogue (or maybe Ranger or Fighter? Barbarian is also possible but Fighter gets freaking Extra Attacks). But, as a Rogue, he focuses more on investigation. Definitely the "I look for traps" type of player.

He’s definitely their main attacker AND he can transform into a bear OR an owlbear.

Desmond:

For Desmond, it would be fun if he did start off as a Rogue as a reference to how he was raised on the Farm but immediately focused on his secondary class as soon as it was available.

Possible secondary class: Arcane Trickster with Warlock because of the whole ‘spells to deceive targets’ kinda vibes with his whole ‘deceiving everyone that I’m just a normal dude’. I picked Warlock because now he has to have a patron that will grant him magic and it could be an Isu (Minerva is the most common choice but… Juno is also there XD). He can also be an Oathbreaker Paladin multiclass I guess? It doesn’t really work all that well since Oathbreakers are usually seen as ‘evil’ for breaking their oath to their god but if Desmond’s god is Juno, he has all the reason to be an Oathbreaker.

If you want Desmond to be a DM, his character will be a high-level DMPC and more like Xenk who helps out the players for a brief period and pops in and out. Oh, oh, oh! His DMPC could be the tavern owner who works as kinda like a secretary to the party and keeps all the quest requests they get because they always return to his tavern after every adventure to drink and relax. The hint that he’s a high-leveled DMPC could be that an 18+ roll to persuade him to give them drinks for free did not work.

Possible DMs:

Of course, depending on who their DM (if it's not Desmond) would be, the restriction of certain spells could be lifted so, for example, Ratonhnhaké:ton could be a Circle of the Moon Druid but have been allowed to have ‘Pass without Trace’.

I honestly think Clay would be a good ‘I’ll allow it’ kind of DM who thrives in chaos and improvisation, letting them go off track.

Shaun would also be a flexible DM but he tends to railroad them when he’s excited because he thought of a good plot.

Rebecca feels more like she prefers to be a player than a DM tbh.

Lucy would be a rules-lawyer type of DM. Always asking if they have the ingredients they need for spells and such but doesn’t like to KO players.

Malik would also side with the rules more often than not but it’s more to keep his side organized and he let them get away with a lot of things if he thinks it’s particularly an interesting idea.

Leonardo would be the type of DM who would remember all the rules but only cherry-pick whichever rules he wants to implement. Might also be the type of DM to level them up by milestone instead of EXP.

It would be funny if Kadar is the one who has a habit of TPKO-ing not because he’s being mean but because he overestimates everyone’s characters (especially Altaïr’s)

Possible Races:

I really, really like the idea that they’re all Kenkus because the bird motif is right there! But instead of being corvids birds, they’re different kinds of eagles.

Maybe Ratonhnhaké:ton is half-Kenku instead with Haytham being a Kenku while Kaniehtí:io is another race (Wood Elf would be the most common chance but Eladrin or Owlin are also good choices imho). Of course, this would mean Half-Kenku would have to be homebrewed.

If you don’t want Kenku and don’t want them to be one of the more common races (humans, elves, etc), Aarakocra (birdfolk) would be good as well (which has a +2 on Dex is rogues need to excel in and can fly). Kenkus also have +2 on Dex too btw and they can't fly (it's part of their backstory, wishing they could fly again).

Altaïr can also be a Genasi as the whole ‘descendant of djinns’ background of a Genasi would be a reference to his birthplace in canon. Personality-wise, Altaïr would probably be a Fire Genasi, especially if his personality is based on the beginning parts of AC1.

Alright, for Desmond, if you don’t want him to be a Kenku, human might be a good idea as a jack-of-all-trades kind of thing (+1 to all). BUT if you want to lean into his connection to the Isus, Aasimar would be your best choice with Protector Aasimar having Radiant Soul at level 3 which will give Desmond wings (and glowing eyes) for 1 minute in combat. Or, if you want a reference to how Desmond burned, Scourge Aasimar’s Radiant Consumption is more or less a burst of divine energy that erupts from the Aasimar, with the description including “threaten to char you”. If you want to go down the “William Miles tried to make him a soldier” route, Desmond could be a ‘failed’ Warforged which would make him a bulky (and most probably the tank) rogue. Also… ‘absolutely normal NPC tavern owner’ turns out to be an Aasimar or a Warforged would be a funny plot twist.

Other Notes:

Edward is a swashbuckler rogue. Even if he's already a grandpa, he would definitely play with them.

Ratonhnhaké:ton's character's father could be based on his real father OR could be based on his father's own D&D character (if he plays)

Bill plays D&D too but Desmond absolutely does not invite him. Ever. His books and dice did come from Bill though.

Ezio has the most expensive dice. They’re super pretty.

Ratonhnhaké:ton prefers to buy dice made by small-time creators. Would definitely join Kickstarter projects for dice that look cool or are nature-themed.

Altaïr would probably have metallic dice.

They have a banned 20d. It ‘always’ gives nat 1 during critical times and give nat 20 for the most mundane insignificant rolls.

(whispers) if you like TTRPG, I made starting character sheets for a Blades in the Dark AU.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

@thedragonagelesbian replied to your post “Oughhhh they're in love...”:

what's going thru majexatli's mind during the dance?? the people (me) want to know

​Oh,.. So much. They're trying to play it cool but their mind is racing so much.

Because like, it's such a genuine and sweet moment, yeah? And Majexatli is I think like, really realizing like "oh he cares about me" and also "oh fuck, I think I seriously care about him". Like, they had kissed Wyll at the tiefling party and from the beginning have been on his side and caring about him. But I think the dance is when they like, properly realize like oh, oh, this is more than just some flirting or a quick fling.

Majexatli has never really been romanced. Over the decades since Althyran, they've hooked up on occasion, and other than those flings, their only prior experience is Althyran. And I think there is a bit of that realization, right, the fact that Althyran never was romantic, he never would have danced with them. They had normalized it so much in their head, convinced themselves Althyran was kind and had at some point cared about him. But the more they experience love and affection now with Wyll, they realize just how much they've missed out on.

There's like, what I said once about how with Althyran, Majexatli wanted some storybook romance. They thought Althyran was some prince charming. All they wanted was a love story where they end up married and have a family, and that's still something they cling to as an ideal. They never got that with Althyran. And now here Wyll is, teaching them how to dance by the fireside, saying how he wants to romance them properly, like the old tales of love sung by bards. Wyll is the ideal partner they've dreamed about. The ideal that they've basically given up on and believed they would never get or deserve.

There is something wonderous and soft and new and blooming and alive in the kindness and love and sincerity Wyll shows towards them.

But it also brings up a lot of fear and doubt and angst.

But! They still have their initial knee-jerk reaction of this has to be an act. And they have the feeling that Wyll loves the persona they've put on, he wants to romance the gentle sage Druid, not the bitter monsterous Malarite that they are. And the guilt that they feel they're lying to him by letting him fall in love with a version of them that is fake.

So you know. There's just. So many layers.

Having a genuine moment of respite from all the horrors

Experiencing genuine romance for the first time in their life

Realizing how much Wyll cares for them and that he loves them

Realizing that they somehow have grown to deeply love and care for Wyll despite everything

Realizing that they can have the fairytale romance they wanted when they were younger

Realizing how far from a fairytale everything with Althryan was

Fearing that if Wyll is genuine, then they've been horrifically dishonest and cruel by letting him fall for a version of them that isn't real

Fearing that maybe Wyll is like Althyran, like they thought initially (they thought Althyran and what he gave them was something picturesque and magical, though know in hindsight it wasn't. What if years down the line they look back and see that they were wrong for believing Wyll was some prince-charming type)

Fearing that they're falling into the same trap they did when they were younger with Althyran.

Fearing that they don't belong in a fairytale romance or a love story

Fun fact. The WIP I've shared a bit of? With Wyll fighting a wolf (that is Majexatli)? Yeah. So. In my canon, that happens the same night, after the dance. They hold themselves together long enough but once Wyll returns to his tent, Majexatli transforms and runs off into the night to tear apart anything they can find that's living.

They don't know how to process everything they're feeling, but to them, their worship of Malar is about honesty, about truth, as messy and violent as the honest truth can be. They need to work through all the issues that Althyran left them with and come to terms with their feelings for Wyll (as terrifying as they are) and Wyll's feelings for them. So much old pain and new worries and unknowns and not knowing how to move forward. And they can't process it all as Majexatli, they need to be the messy imperfect emotional being that they only feel they can be when they're a monster.

Something something fantasy high junior year and all the talk about the relationship between doubt and rage.

[nuka-rockit]

finally watched D&D: Honor Among Thieves. it was good. minor spoiler-y complaints under the cut

Wildshape dont work like that, but its fun to watch so I'll let it slide. Sometimes we can have rule of cool, as a treat

They give us a whole Paladin fighting an enemy he knows by name and has history with, pulling out a glowing sword etched with magic runes...and we don't get to see a SINGLE smite? smh

So you're telling me Simon is a WILD MAGIC SORCERER and we don't see a SINGLE surge?? Do you know how much fun you could have with wild magic surges? The possibilities are endless. Instead the story treats him like an insecure wizard the entire time. Wild Magic isn't "sometimes spell dont work except when I'm stressed", Wild Magic is wild magic that does whatever the fuck it wants. It happens on top of whatever spell triggered it. There could have been a scene where Simon casts a simple spell thats ineffective, but it causes a surge that actually helps the group in an unexpected yet entertaining way. Like trying to repel the guards with a thunderwave, they dodge, but a surge triggers and turns them into a pair of goats or something. Sad they didn't do anything with that.

THE BARD DOESN'T CAST A SINGLE SPELL?? why is he a bard? why did they make him a bard? he couldve been a rogue if they wanted the charming trickster archetype. HE'S LITERALLY A THIEF. The only allusion to him being a bard is that he plays the lute sometimes and sings. There is a full scene where there is a minor illusion projection of him to fool guards, but then we find out its the sorcerer who is casting the illusion. Why?? It would have been so easy to have him be the one casting it. I was honestly expecting the movie to be clever with this when they entered the maze. The sorcerer and the druid get anti-magic cuffs because they're known casters, but because he hasn't been using magic people forget to cuff the bard. boom, perfect opportunity to be clever and have him pull out a spell at a surprising moment. But no, he never does any of that. He doesn't even get a Bardic Inspiration out there, despite that being one of the most well known features of the class. why

Still a fun movie, lots of litte references (I laughed out loud at the Volo portrait), and the dialogue is very charming. I get why they took some liberties with the mechanics, it is a completely different medium after all and I don't mind that. but like, cmon. not one even one spell? Not even one Vicious Mockery? Otto's Irresistable Dance? no? sad

[xerith-42]

So in your rewrite why did Araphel destroy Kulzak’s eye and why didn’t Irene heal it. Also do you have any more Kulzak crumbs I humbly beg.

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!

In my rewrites Araphel did destroy Kul'zak's eye, it actually happened during that final fight against him as an attempt to stop Kul'zak from shattering his relic. It didn't work, but whatever fucked up and evil magic Araphel used to destroy Kul'zak's eye was something Irene couldn't heal. She tried to, but the wound always repelled her magic away and just didn't work at all.

After the failed attempts Enki whisked Kul'zak off to one of their vacation homes in Galruk and tried to heal him in a variety of different ways. The one that had the most promise and that is considered a core memory for both of them was a potion that Enki spent almost a year figuring out the components for, gathering said components, and then brewing. It was a long, arduous process, and multiple times Kul'zak told Enki that this wasn't necessary. He was perfectly content living without his eye, it was his idea after all, if this is the price to pay then it was worth it.

But Enki can't live with that. "What's the point of all this knowledge if I can't use it to help the people I love?" In the end it didn't work, but the attempt was greatly appreciated. Kul'zak did their best not to let this keep them down, instead turning to try and understand/love this new aspect of his appearance from an artistic sense. He had paintings commissioned of him that depicted him with this new eye in a beautiful way, hoping to show to his fellow wanderers and everyone who saw him that this change didn't make him any less beautiful or worthy of love than before. He and one of their muses even wrote a song about the "One Eyed Wanderer" to cement that this is who Kul'zak is now, and they can live with that.

Oh yeah Kul'zak is so nonbinary in my brain it's not even funny. Every time I think of Kul'zak I just think "You would use neopronouns". Probably star/starself would be their favorites bc Kul'zak is such an astronomer/astrology girl. It's actually how astronomy started as a science in the ancient days. Wanderers, merchants, sailors, farmers, normal people just looked at the stars a lot and noticed patterns in them, wrote those patterns down, and then theorized about them. I imagine stargazing is one of stars favorite pastimes, something they tried to do with each of the divine warriors at least once, including Xavier who wasn't even divine, just this simp who Kul'zak was fond of.

Kul'zak does have everyone's sun signs memorized and Enki is the only one who fully understands what they're saying. Menphina's in a bitchy mood one day and Kul'zak barks "Stop being such a Gemini," to which she yells back "Shove those stars up your ass!!" Irene understands it kind of because she asked Kul'zak what the hell they meant when star said she was "Being a total Sagittarius." Esmund and Araphel do not understand this weird star bull shit at all, but Kul'zak is having fun and they don't understand half of what he says anyways.

I think a lot of music in the MCD world was composed by Kul'zak. He learned how to play many instruments in his time, and possibly made a few of his own, probably some of the weirder ones that have fallen into obscurity. Some of his compositions are credited to different people, and some don't even have his name on it, but that really wouldn't bother them. As long as there is music in the places star once called home, Kul'zak is happy.

Unlike some of his peers, Kul'zak could honestly care less whether anyone remembers him in the future. His name could fall into complete obscurity, his relic could be left to rot somewhere where it will never be found, and all his findings could be attributed to someone else. As long as there are still wanderers, poets, musicians, bards, travelers, and those with free spirits who let themselves love the world they live in the way he did, they're happy. As long as there's still a world for them, he did his job right.

[maegalkarven]

Out of curiosity what happens to all of your dark urges post-game?

This is going to be LONG, so i'm putting it under the "read more".

Thanks so much for asking and giving me an opportunity to rant about my boys! (they're all masc, yeah. All kind of trans. I am not projecting anything. Also I lied just now)

As of now I have 3 (4 counting Morgan) developed till post-game Durges.

Morgan is my first playthrough and maybe shouldn't be counted, but he and Astarion leave for Underdark. Morgan is a drow bard btw and his story is the messiest bullshit ever bc at that point I was still figuring BG3 out.

Now to the fun part! (June, Levi and Nemo). Mind what all 3 of them are romantically involved with Gortash and it plays its part.

So let's start with my favorite druid asshole Levi. He visually appears to be a tiefling. 6 ft tall handsome young man with one blazing green eye, one eye pitch-black (later an implant of the eye of the devil he took for himself), wavy ginger hair, freckles EVERYWHERE and a very arrogant attitude. His horns have been broken by Sarevok when he was around adolescence.

Levi has 2 versions of how his live goes after the end credits. Basically his good (canon) ending and his bad ending.

Bad ending is where Gortash dies, Levi goes the whole "I am god" way, takes the Crown of Karsus for himself and erases Bhaal from the existence of the universe, successfully taking his domain, his aspect and his place. It's a lonely life of godhood for him and the one where he loses himself.

His good ending branches depending if Noah (his son) exists.

If Noah indeed exists, Levi has a whole ass husband and a son waiting for him at home (in Baldur's Gate) and a whole new playground of the city. He transforms part of the city into the garden and creates the new circle of druids with Kagha as the achdruid. But inevitably fuck off to hells to fight not his battle bc he can and he loves fighting.

Levi is set on a long ass quest conquering Hells bc: 1) it's fun. 2) His homie needs Mizora dead. 3) His other homie needs Zariel dead.

If Noah wasn't born, his path goes almost the same way (considering Hells), but it's the main focus of his, and the main goal. In that version he wants all of Mephisto's wonders for himself and operates from the House of Hope what he and Gortash live in (while planning evil things for evil reasons, yeah. "If heavens are out of reach, we will make Hells ours" kind of an attitude.)

Basically for Levi it's either godhood but the path of loneliness or a lot of shenanigans in hells with his two best friends (Wyll and Karlach) and the wicked partnership with Gortash. Watch him successfully balance out THAT dynamic mix.

Then there's Nemo. Nemo is non-amnesiac Durge who got very weak after his sister's attack. Looks like a half-drow (ppl keep calling him half-breed and he hates it. He is a pureblood bhaalspawn, damn it!) Looks like a golden child with sun-warmed skin, golden eyes and hair and A LONG ASS SCAR ORIN LEFT OVER HIS PERFECT FACE. THANKS FOR NOTHING, SISTER. Short (5 ft). The only 'off' thing about him is what his sclera is black.

He is also the mastermind behind the successful creation and management of the current cult of Bhaal in BG as it is. Nemo's misadventures are featured in the series of oneshots called "Empty Prayers".

He has only a good ending because I said so, and this is where he kills Orin and himself in a double suicide act, robbing Bhaal of the chosen and a child. Bhaal throws a fit, Withers plays a savior.

EVERYONE is angry at Nemo, Orin is left with no memory of who she is or what the fuck is going on.

No one is happy 2.0.

His post-game ending is where he is a shadow over the BG, a leader of the newly established assassins' guild into which he drags his lover and partner in crime Astarion.

Nemo is a man who transfers the cult of Bhaal into something else and earns money for it. It is easy, because most of the cultists only knew him as a leader and several of them were raised by him.

He basically lowers his expectations and chills, having joint-custody over the city underground with Ninefingers.

Gortash manages to stay arcduke in that one, but ba-a-a-arely. No one is happy, even Gortash, because it's such a mediocre win it's embarrassing. He will manage to pull Nemo into some heist-like bullshit very soon, that with him and his very useful guild of trained cutthroats who are loyal to Nemo and Nemo alone.

The last one - June. My least fav child bc I am v conflicted with how he just branched into 2 separate entities. @ June come on. He has either grey hair and silver eyes (selunite!June) or black-blue hair and light-blue eyes (cambion!June). Either way his skin is greyish-blue with freckles, his horns are grey as some ash can be. He is 5 ft 5.

June is either tiefling priest of Selune or cambion grandchild of Mephisto. I consider both of the versions like alt. of the same person.

In his good (canon) ending June leaves for Underdark with Gortash and Astarion to conquer it and seek all the netherise artifacts left there.

Ex priest of Selûne June does it in some quest of "salvation", cambion June does it because he's the forbidden knowledge seeking bastard (Mephisto raised him, ok). Both versions of June defy Bhaal, though for different reasons.

Now, there is a bad ending for June too, which is highly tied to how he treats the situation with Gortash and how much has the tadparty affected him. If he has failed to develop enough ties with the team, June agrees with everything the man says - Gortash dies at the Netherbrain Blast - June becomes the new Chosen of Bane.

Which strangely fits both versions of June, because selunite!June DID pray to Bane, he just never answered.

And cambion!June is a little too alike Bane's own son (a hybrid of a god and fiend who Bhaal probably was going to use the same way Bane used his son) and in a dire need of a plan to out-do Mephisto.

If June does have close ties with his team and they affect his decision-making, then he's a little more smart about it, tadpoles Gortash, and that derails everything to Gortash joining the team and all hells breaking loose (to the good end. I promise)

There's also Callisto, but Callisto didn't live further than the escape from the nautiloid. I will play them after I break my pc's mind and re-merge it gently, after which BG3 (hopefully) will run on my pc without any third parties involved. But Callisto is a half-drow priest of Tiamat. My baby said FUCK toxic father, I want to be adopted by a toxic mother instead. Their main long goal is freeing Tiamat from her prison in Hell.

[froggyfriendart]

If you want could you possibly. Tell me about your ocs

:O Hey hey I just saw this!! Thank you for taking an interest in them :)

So, my Sky:Children of The Light OCs

These three are Mercymorn, Arcadias, and Ariadne. They're all three of them rogue actors in whatever world they find themselves in, you can't usually figure out what the hell they're doing or why they're actually there. Do not separate them.

Mercy is a fighter, and one filled with pride at that - they can and they will pick fights to prove a point and they get very petty when they don't win. They're 75% sick moves and 25% gremlin bastard. They'd be the type you see standing in the center of a coliseum or acting all heroic with their cape fluttering in the wind, but they're rather silly actually.

Arcadias is a musician, and a traveler. They play the lute. They're extremely curious at heart and though none of them can actually talk, they love asking questions through mimickry and wide gestures. Behaves like a bird. Actually really sweet, prone to playing pranks, sometimes acts rather childish. The cape they have shapeshifts into wings whenever, they think it looks cool. So do I.

Ariadne is a circus performer. They're the one taking the stage, they're the one spinning the stories and making shadow-puppets against the walls. They will strangle you if you talk slander about their performance. They're also really into fortune telling, but will lie (well, lie through gestures and implication) for shits and giggles.

Now, this is Eurwen, she's really cool, she's not with those three but she knows them and tolerates them. This artwork is actually a bit older than most of them but it's one of my favorites. Deadpan, ruthless, I literally made her so I could be gay over her muscles and overly serious butch charm. She's everything to me. Other than Arcadias she's the only character I've ever drawn more than once, because I was working on her character sheet which is as of yet incomplete (like. a lot of my art)

now THIS GUY. he's my specialest little guy, this guy. His name is Lucien Lyfrassir VI. He's in my brain at all times. Fucking shit up and spray painting the walls neon. He wears a cool jacket absolutely covered in neon graffiti-like designs, he wears a cool LED mask/helmet that hides his face, not pictured here. Does Testosterone injections (like. 60% of my characters are transgender. I do make the rules.), his supply is literally a replicator machine that's been replicating the same stuff from centuries ago because it's a pain to hope every new civilization produces it. He jumped into a black hole for fun. Explosions! Mad cackling! Cinematically standing on lamp posts, leaning against walls with dark and dramatic lighting. Fights with gauntlets he built himself. He is also immortal. Absolute vibing. He's just My Guy. AND he's hot. Him and Eurwen are, anachronistically, best friends. God. I fucking love him. His partner is unfortunately not pictured because I haven't drawn him yet. God i care about him.

This is Dreamer. Their flute is named Lullabye (sic), they were first designed to be a bard in DnD and then they sort of morphed into a different kind of character. They're the man in the moon.

There's a lot more but I haven't got any art for them yet and anyway, you're welcome to ask me about them at any time :) I really appreciate you taking the time to let me talk about these guys. I love talking about these guys. I can do it forever.

[renthony]

would you drop a tier list of your most & least favorite tlovm characters and why? :) I love seeing new people get into it!

Oooooh, I don't have a tier template on hand, and trying to rank them in order sounds hard anyway, because I don't think there are any characters I don't like. So here are my thoughts about all the main party members, plus my favorite side characters!

Percy - My one true blorbo from this series. Baby boy gun man. Someone please hug him and let him take a nap. I have imprinted on him like a duckling. I technically finished my cosplay but I'm already working on plans for future upgrades. My husband also wants to figure out how to rig up an Orthax puppet/costume so he can loom over my shoulder in photos or at cons. Percy is my baby.

Vex - My WIFE. She's got the only brain cell in the party half the time, she's got a war bear, she's even bisexual (is that canon? idk if it's canon, but it's canon to ME!!! no one in this party is straight!!!!!!!) I don't know that I'd be quite as into Perc'ahlia just yet if I didn't know some of their endgame, but I fucking adore everything I've seen from their dynamic so far in season 2. They're adorable.

Vax - I didn't dislike Vax at first, but I wasn't quite sure how I'd feel about him. He grew on me really fast, though! I fucking adore every interaction he has with Gilmore, his snark delights me, and I really love what's going on with him and the Raven Queen. I like death-associated characters and I like angst, and whatever's happening with him right now is ticking both those boxes.

Grog - He did exactly what Magnus Burnsides from the Adventure Zone did for me--I started off feeling kinda indifferent toward them both, because "generic smash-smash fighter dude" is usually boring to me, but there's just so much heart. He's funny, he's sweet, he's just so damn genuine. I'm worried about my guy Grog, man. Did he learn nothing from Percy's evil gun last season? GROG, PLEASE!

Pike - I love Pike. Her story with the Everlight in season one really hit me hard, and I think it's so cool to have a devout holy character who curses, drinks, fucks, and doesn't adhere to the "religious people are all stuffy, uptight bigots" stereotype. And her friendship with Grog gives me life, holy shit. I love them.

Keyleth - I ADORE Keyleth. Actual literal Disney princess. I've heard vague mutterings that she's got divisive appeal in the fandom, but I think she's really fun, and I like that she's still learning and figuring her shit out. I like that she's cute and sweet, and I think she really helps balance out the darker moments of the show. I also really appreciate that she gets to be cute and sweet and silly, but is still clearly an adult. She gets drunk, she swears, she isn't a naive infant. Too many kindhearted characters get treated as stupid or childish for it and it annoys me a lot.

Scanlan - I thought I was going to hate Scanlan. I am so tired of horny bards played by people who don't respect consent and think that comedy gives them a free pass to be a fucking asshole who pushes everyone's buttons. But Scanlan isn't that. Yeah, he's horny, and he's over-the-top, and sometimes he's abrasive--but he respects consent, he's not some dickhead macho guy trying to prove he's the most masculine in the room, and he's got a lot of depth to him beneath the snark. Season 2 Scanlan is genuinely breaking my fucking heart, because I want him to be happy so bad.

Gilmore - I fucking love him and want to see way more of him. I don't know if I want to fuck him or be him. He is the distilled essence of what I find aesthetically attractive in a man, and he's a flirtatious snarker, and he can do magic?! The only reason he's not my #1 fave is because that's how much I love Percy.

Sylas & Delilah - My bisexual ass wants to be in that evil sandwich. Goddamn. Also Delilah is totally valid, I would also do horrible crimes against nature to bring my husband back from the dead. She did nothing wrong. Yes I love Percy, yes Delilah did nothing wrong, I contain multitudes. She broke the world for him!!! SHE BROKE THE WORLD!!!! Evil twisted love, baby!!!!!!!

Allura - I was kinda meh on her at first but she's really growing on me in the new season. She's an exhausted put-upon sapphic with the only brain cell on the continent, bless her. I was glad to see she got out of the city.

So yeah! :D

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Legend of Vox Machina: Into Rimecleft (2x06)

Eyyyyy we're splitting the party, this should be good.

Cons:

Okay. So. Keyleth encouraging Vax to talk to the Matron of Ravens... I get why they added this little detail in, but to be honest it's a characterization change I'm not sure about. Keyleth in the streams has always  been very dismissive or even distrustful of the gods. It feels weird that she should be the one to gently nudge Vax towards exploring that relationship. Maybe I'm misremembering and Keyleth says something to him in the stream too, it's hundreds of hours of gameplay and character choices aren't always 100% consistent, but this just rang false for me as a Keyleth moment.

Literally I have no other complaints though, this episode is perfect.

Pros:

I've been saying that all the episodes could use a couple more minutes of breathing room, and this episode really helped by having a section where everyone's just walking on their journey to meet the second sphinx, and they have a chance to chat, to catch up. The aforementioned Vax and Keyleth moment happens there, and we have Pike worrying about Grog, we have the ADORABLE moment of Percy giving Vex his coat... he's so smitten, I love it. It just really gave the group a chance to breathe and check in with each other before their next big moment of tension.

Grog's nightmare at the start of the episode was so intense, and was mirrored so beautifully by the agonizing ending where he stabs Pike with Craven Edge! This is changed in circumstances to how it happened on the stream, although something similar did occur, and it's so brutal to see it play out! Travis is killing it in the voice acting department. He really only offered comic relief last season, but now he gets to shine.

That goes double for Scanlan - see, when I started watching Critical Role during campaign one, my original favorites were, quite predictably, the twins and Percy. Percy's got that anime angst thing going on, and then pretty quickly so does Vax, after the Sunken Tomb incident. But as I kept watching, slowly emerging to the forefront of my "favorite characters" list was... Scanlan Shorthalt. It's partly the genius of Sam Riegel. He's such a charismatic man, he can take the jokey little gnome bard character and just shatter you to pieces with what happens next. And since watching this show, they have the time and space to set that up properly... hot damn, this is one of my absolute favorite episodes of the whole show thus far.

To start, we see that Scanlan does have people checking in on him, in their own way. He's not as completely isolated as he pretends to be, it's just that his humor is deflecting people from noticing his pain. Grog offers to carry him to warm him up, and yeah it's a comedy beat, and yeah Grog is manhandling him, but that's Grog's way of showing he cares, too. And Pike wants to talk to him about Grog, and yeah she tells him off for making a dumb joke, but she was looking for some sincere conversation from him, and he was the one who failed to give it.

Then we get Kamaljiori. This is a significant shift from how this encounter went down on the stream. I actually laughed out loud when the sphinx just introduced himself, because let's just say that's definitely not how it went the first time around! I love how Kamaljiori's trials are similar to Osysa's, in that they both involve touching on the insecurities of the party members: Vex doesn't have family who cares about her other than Vax, Grog needs to find where his strength comes from, etc., but it's also different. They're finding fun ways to mix up all the different combat scenarios from the show, what with this being a one-on-one test of strength that's ultimately won by emotional damage.

Fucking Scanlan, pulling out a pop ballad to wound Kamaljiori's heart... and it's honestly such a good song? Sam has such a good voice, damn! I actually got goosebumps. It's such a funny twist, and so heartfelt, and Scanlan actually finds a friend who understands him on an emotional level, who he can joke around with but who understands there's a heart under all that, and that he's having a hard time. It's so heartwarming for Scanlan to find this, and he even gets his own Vestige out of the deal! Mythcarver. I like how they've added in the twist about Mythcarver being tied to all the other Vestiges, so it can lead them to find the others as we go.

And then... just to pile on the angst... looks like with Ripley's assist, Umbrasyl has found Vox Machina. This was such an epic showdown, and again it's increasing the menace of these dragons. We just watched how Vox Machina couldn't get a hit in on this Sphinx, and now Umbrasyl is able to go toe to toe with him! I was genuinely moved by Scanlan and "Kammi" defending each other during the fight. This ancient powerful being risked his life to protect his new little friend. In fact, he lost his life, after thanking Scanlan for letting him see Osysa once more before the end. This totally broke my heart!

And while we're all being sad about this Sphinx dying, meanwhile Grog is losing his battle to control Craven Edge, as he ferociously tackles Umbrasyl single-handed. Keyleth is trying to get a plane shift spell going, Grog is covered in Umbrasyl's blood and won't stop attacking, Pike tries to stop him and... gets impaled for her trouble! Gasp!

I'm actually really excited to see the Fey Realm stuff play out and the Westruun story also take strides, while our party is split up. It feels like it's a good opportunity to mix things up, and honestly will build to a really satisfying reunion in a few episodes!

A couple small things to call out: the Vax and Percy tension is still there simmering in the background. He's short with Percy about reading the runes, then shoulder-checks him on his way to go face the Sphinx. I'm obsessed with guilt-ridden Percy trying to make nice with Vax and just getting nowhere... I hope we get some of that in the next batch of episodes. Keyleth has a moment where she's hesitant about trying an unfamiliar spell, and Vax calls her "Kiki" and encourages her to try, and she is quite calm and more self-assured than we'd normally see her as she agrees to try. I love this! She's growing into her confidence more and more! Grog's attempts to hide what's happening with Craven Edge are very suspicious but also very funny. This week, he claims he was talking to the trees, to throw Pike off the scent.

And that's it! I can't believe this show keeps making me wait after such tense moments. Pike is seriously injured, Grog is drowning in guilt, the group is separated... can't wait to see more next week!

10/10