#let him peacefully die at his desk and then say ten or so years later we're ready to roll

[weepylucifer]

glorious 25th makes me think again about that one idea i once had for a discworld spinoff set in the future that would deal with the natural conclusion to the industrial revolution arc: communism comes to discworld

[katmoonz]

Depression

Pairing: Wolfstar x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3034

Includes: TW suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of missing meals, crying, fluff, hugs, angst to fluff, comfort

Do not post any of my work anywhere else!!! I’m fine with reblogs but not with people stealing my work. 

Notes: I have depression, this fic is kinda based off of my experience with depression. I wanted more than anything for someone to notice how badly I was struggling and I was in desperate need of a hug. I can’t change the past but I can write down my thoughts, feelings and what I needed at the time.

Thank you @quindolyn for helping me to fix a couple bits and for helping me decide on the ending xx

Depression is completely unpredictable. You might feel on top of the world one minute and suddenly feel miserable the next. You smile around your friends and family hoping that they don’t notice that anything is wrong but deep down you just want someone to notice, to care, to ask you how you are or just hold you while you cry it all out. You want to die yet you can’t bring yourself to do the actions that would end it all because that scares you even more than living.

Lately, you had been feeling very happy. Remus and Sirius were wonderful boyfriends and would do everything they could to make you laugh or smile. Your favourite moments with Remus are the ones where he decides to cuddle with you, there is nothing more relaxing than just resting your head on his chest and listening to the thump of his heart and his steady breaths.

The best moments with Sirius are when he tries to make up his own jokes, most of the jokes he tries to tell aren’t even funny but that somehow makes it funnier when he tells you a bad one-liner whilst in detention. The sweetest thing about Sirius is that when you least expect it he curls up on the bed and sleeps next to you as Padfoot. It’s the sweetest thing ever waking up in Remus’ arms to Padfoot lying across your chest, Remus just watches over the pair of you with a smile upon his face at seeing his two lovers sleeping so peacefully.

This morning you had woken up and felt like crap, you couldn't quite place it so you skipped breakfast and had a lie-in instead. This caused you to miss your first lesson and most of lunch. You managed to go to your next lesson though which was Charms with your boyfriend Remus.

At first, you tried to concentrate but you felt like a cloud had settled itself over your head causing you to struggle with your work.

You’d been feeling better for a while now but for some reason today had just left you feeling miserable. For the rest of class, you sat with your head in your hand gazing out the window.

Remus could tell that you weren’t paying attention to the class and was starting to grow concerned. “y/n, you okay?” He whispers in your ear.

Not wanting to draw any attention to yourself or bother him, you just nod and force a smile in the hopes that you could pretend that everything was fine.

The bell rang a few minutes later signalling the end of the class period. You had History of Magic next, Remus wasn’t in that class with you but Sirius was. Remus walked you to your next class observing your behaviour.

You weren’t smiling and didn’t speak at all on the way there simply looking at the ground. Remus stopped with you at the classroom door and gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. “Are you sure you’re alright love? You know you can talk to me if something is wrong.”

Looking up at him you sigh. “I’m fine,” you say quietly before turning around and walking into the classroom.

Remus was growing very concerned with your behaviour, something was clearly wrong but you weren’t telling him.

Just then Sirius walks down the corridor. “Moony, decided to switch classes have you?” He jokes.

Not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation Remus grabs his arm and pulls him over to an empty classroom shoving him in the door.

“I need a favour,” said Remus in a serious tone.

“What Moons?” replies Sirius, confused at the sudden change in Remus’ behaviour.

“I need you to watch y/n for me and make sure she’s alright. Something is wrong and I want to help her but she won’t tell me anything.” blurts Remus.

Sirius pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Remus, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Sirius leaves the empty room and proceeds to walk into the History of Magic classroom.

Sirius seats himself beside you but you don’t notice at first because you are spaced out not paying any attention to the lecture being given by Binns.

You felt like crap to put it simply. You wanted to focus on your classes so badly but your brain was just telling you no.

Your brain is running at a hundred miles an hour making you feel even worse. *I’m going to fail all of my classes. Why am I so useless? Do the boys love me or do they just tolerate me? Nobody loves me, not really. I wish I was dead, why can’t I just die?*

You feel slow tears make their way down your face. You sniffle softly not wanting to bother anyone.

Sirius quickly notices your tears as you sniffle next to him. *Moony is right* thought Sirius *something is very wrong.*

Sirius reaches a hand out to yours underneath the desk and gives it a gentle squeeze as a reminder that he is there for you.

Finally, you have enough of your self-deprecating thoughts and abruptly stand up, grab your things and leave despite only having twenty minutes of class left. Sirius gets up and follows you, grabbing your hand as you leave the room.

The pair of you walk silently through the castle until you get back to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius seats you at the couch in front of the fire before grabbing your bag and chucking it aside.

Sirius sits down next to you as you stare into the ornate fireplace with tears still slowly rolling down your face. “Y/n love, what’s wrong?” He softly asks.

Instead of answering him, you rest your head on his shoulder. Sirius brings his arms around you to pull you into a hug. The pair of you sit like that for a while, listening to the crackle of the fire and your sorrowful sniffles. Sirius simply holds you whilst tears slowly roll down your face.

“I'm sorry, I’m just tired. I think I’m gonna go have a nap” you say softly.

“Alright doll, I’ll see you at dinner then?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you tell him knowing full well that you wouldn’t be in the mood to eat.

Leaving Sirius in the common room you walk up to the boys dorm and throw yourself down on Remus' bed. Grabbing a discarded sweater from Sirius’ bed on the way. You curl up in a ball under the covers on Remus’ bed before letting the tears fall down your face again *why can’t I just feel happy for once in my life? I always fuck everything up, I want to die*

Sirius watches you walk up the stairs to the boys dorm before letting out a sigh and putting his head in his hands. You had never been like this, you were usually so bright and cheerful something bad must have happened because Sirius hadn’t seen even the slightest smile all day.

The bell for the next lesson rings and Sirius remains sitting on the sofa in the common room contemplating what he should tell Remus. He didn’t want to make his friend even more alarmed but he couldn’t hide his feeling of concern for your breakdown in class.

Remus enters the common room behind a babble of second years who were complaining to each other about their homework.

Spotting Sirius on the sofa before the fire he rushes over to sit next to him.

“Where’s y/n? Is she alright?”

Sirius takes a deep breath before sitting back on the sofa. “No, I can see what you mean Rem, she’s very upset.”

“What do you mean?” replies a panicked Remus

Sirius turns to face him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Look mate I don’t want to worry you but in class, she just sat and stared into space, then she started crying and walked out.”

Remus let out a pained sigh and ran his hands down his face before clasping them in his lap. “Is she okay? where is she now?”

“I walked her back here, we had a cuddle for a while then she said that she was just tired so she left to have a nap,” replies Sirius

Remus stands up from the sofa and brushes his sweaty palms off of his trousers, “let's go and check on her.”

Sirius rises off of the sofa too, he turns around and looks around the common room before turning back to Remus. “Maybe she just needs space, she told me she’d come down to dinner so let's just give her some time alone and if she doesn't come to dinner then we can go and check on her.”

Staring into Sirius’ stormy grey irises Remus stays standing for another minute before nodding and sitting back down.

The boys study in the common room for an hour in complete silence, both of them preoccupied with thoughts of their distressed girlfriend. Sirius and Remus then head down to dinner, sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table closest to the doors so that they could spot you as soon as you walked in.

The boys sit and pick at their food mindlessly for ten minutes continuously watching the door in hope that you’d join them for the meal.

Sirius lets out a deep sigh and drops his fork on his plate rubbing his brow before looking at Remus. Remus looks up at him offering a small smile before standing up. “Come on Pads, our girl needs us”

Sirius quickly stands up and grabs Remus’ hand dragging him out of the great hall. The boys briskly walk hand in hand back to the Gryffindor common room and quickly ascend the stairs to the dorm.

Remus opens the door quietly in case you are sleeping and peers in, he feels his heart break as he catches sight of you. You are lying in his bed fast asleep with puffy eyes from crying.

Remus approaches the bed and sits down on the side closest to you. Gently he starts to stroke your face with his hand whilst gesturing for Sirius to come over to the bed with his other hand. Sirius kneels on the bed next to Remus, reaches out and starts playing with your hair.

Remus watches as you slowly awaken, your eyes fluttering as they adjust to the light in the room. “Darling are you alright?” He asks you softly while rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

You feel your eyes fill with tears but don’t want the boys to see them so you roll over and put your face in the pillow hoping that they leave you alone so that you can compose yourself again.

The boys look at each other trying to figure out what to do next. Remus nods at Sirius gesturing for him to try and get a response from you.

“Baby, why didn’t you come to dinner?” You still don’t respond, making Sirius panic. “Please talk to us, we want to help you.” This makes you feel even worse, they just wanted you to be happy but instead, you’d caused them to leave dinner to look for you.

Your body starts to shake as the tears start rolling down your face. You keep the sobs in not wanting to make them even more worried.

Remus carefully runs a hand over your back worried at the lack of response. “Y/n please talk to us, we love you baby we only want to help you. It’s killing me that you are this upset and we want to be here for you.”

This is the last straw and you lose control of your crying, finally letting out the sobs that had been building up all day.

Remus’ heart breaks even more “Oh baby, come here”. Remus turns you over and carefully pulls you into his lap.

You press your head into Remus’ neck and let out all of the emotion that had been held within you all day.

Sirius sits down next to Remus and yourself at the head of the bed, he runs one hand soothingly up and down your back. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay.”

Your entire body shakes with sobs, tears soak the front of Remus’ sweater whilst the boys continue to make attempts to console you.

Remus rocks you in his arms carefully trying to calm you down. “Shh darlin’ it’s okay”

You start hyperventilating from the force of your sobs, Remus pulls you back from his chest slightly brushing hair away from your face.

Sirius reaches out to you and picks up one of your hands, he brings it up to his chest so that you can feel his steady heartbeat. “I know you're upset baby but you’ve got to breathe. Can you do that for me?”

Sirius breathes in and out slowly emphasising each breath for you to follow. “In...and out, in…and out.” This continues for a few minutes as you try to regulate your breathing.

“Good girl, you’re doing such a good job baby”

The sobs slow down slightly as you regain control over your breathing, tears still fall down your face but not as quickly as before.

Remus cups your face in his hand wiping away stray tears with his thumb before pressing a solitary kiss to your temple. “Y/n, what’s wrong? Please tell us” he begs.

You let out a sigh, opening and shutting your mouth a few times trying to come up with something to tell them.

Sirius notices your hesitation and gives you a reassuring smile. “It’s okay love, you can tell us anything. I promise you that we’ll try to help you and nothing you say can make us love you any less.”

Looking into his eyes you see nothing but love and concern. You sniffle and wipe one of your sleeves across your face. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel good”

Sirius runs a hand through your hair before giving you a sympathetic smile. “Is it that time of the month baby? You feelin’ sick?”

Tears well up in your eyes again. “No” you reply softly “I don’t feel sick”

“Then what is it babe?” asks Sirius with a small frown on his face.

You consider lying to them for a moment not wanting to burden them with your thoughts and emotions but in the end, it’s the pleading expression upon Remus’ face that makes you give in.

You take a deep breath, “sometimes I just feel really sad, like nothing will get better. I feel like no one loves me. I don't want to bother you guys because I don’t want you to leave me.”

The tears fall down your face again as you turn around and put your face back into Remus’ sweater, your fingers have a firm grasp on him as if letting go would make him disappear.

“Please, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry” you beg them as you cry into Remus’ chest.

Remus feels tears well up in his own eyes but swallows them down in order to comfort you. “No no no, sweetheart, it's okay. I promise that we aren’t leaving you.”

Remus holds you even tighter in his arms “I wish you’d told us that you were feeling like this sooner darling. We love you so much”

Sirius sits in silence listening to Remus comfort you before lifting a hand and rubbing your back. “Look at me baby,” he says with a stern tone.

You look up at him, he has a more pronounced frown upon his face than what was there previously but it softens slightly when he realises that you are watching him.

“You need to tell us when you feel like this okay? You aren’t bothering anyone, we just want to help you and we would never leave you over something like this.”

You remain silent looking away from him, the tears slowing down again so all that remains are the odd couple every few seconds.

“Promise you’ll tell us when you feel like this baby?” He asks, holding your face in his hands.

You sniffle softly before agreeing “m’kay, I promise”

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for telling us baby,” he says fondly before placing a soft kiss on your cheek. As he pulls away from your cheek he gets a mischievous look upon his face. “Hey babe, what do you call a cow with two legs?”

You look at him confused for a minute before saying “I dunno”

He leans in towards you with a grin upon his face as though he is telling you a secret “Lean beef”

This causes you to giggle, Sirius smirks whilst Remus chuckles. The boys are pleased to hear you laugh after having been deprived of such beautiful sounds for an entire day.

“Good one wasn’t it?” He asks with a cocky smirk on his face.

“No” you reply, still slightly giggling.

“No!” He repeats back to you in disbelief. “What do you mean no? I thought it was a good one”

Remus raises an eyebrow looking at Sirius “c’mon Pads, you can do better than that”

“Fine, I’ve got a better one” huffs Sirius. “What does the perverted frog say?”

“I dunno” you reply again trying to keep a straight face.

“Rubbit” he replies.

This joke was much funnier than the last and you burst out in laughter. You have joyous tears of laughter pouring down your face as you giggle until your sides hurt.

After a while you yawn and rub your eyes, Remus smiles affectionately at you before moving you off of his lap changing positions so that you are laying half on Remus’ chest with Sirius spooning you from behind.

“C’mon darling, let's get some sleep,” he says quietly.

Sirius buries his face in the back of your neck before mumbling out a quick “I love you”

You settle down into their embrace, relaxing all of your muscles and just as you are dozing off to sleep you feel Remus run his hand through your hair as he whispers “I love you darling, more than you will ever know.”

[starlightdreams-blog]

Here is another chapter of "Love in the Broken Soul" Hope you will enjoy it!

_________________________________________

On The Road Again

One Year Later

In Tempo, Texas, the rays of the sun lit up light in an apartment, waking the inhabitants up. Mystery's eyes slowly opened and he let out a yawn as he stretched his legs out. Looking around, he smiled softly, teeth showing faintly as he looked at his two friends. On two beds which were on different sides of the room, two people were sleeping peacefully. On the left side of the room was Vivi. She woke up as she heard the sounds of birds chirping outside and the light that shown through the window. She turned her head to the right and smiled, seeing a metal arm resting on the desk near Arthur's bed.

On the right side of the room slept Arthur, who, after getting out of the hospital in two months after he was hospitalized and rebuilding his nearly cracked relationship with his parents, spent the last ten months working on his metal prosthetic arm and finally completed it the night before, only to immediately pass out at his desk before he could put it on to test the movements again.

Vivi giggled softly as she recalled carefully picking Arthur up and placing him in to bed, pulling the blankets over his fragile (and tone; he didn't have that bad of a body. Probably from working out and lifting heavy gear from being a mechanic at his Uncle Lance's shop) form, giving him a kiss on the forehead for a good night's sleep before Mystery jumped on to the mechanic's bed, dozing off, curling protectively beside the boy. She smiled sadly as her gaze went from Arthur's sleeping form to a picture that rested on the desk that was near her bed. A tear slid down her cheek, seeing a moment when they were all smiling and happy; when he was still alive. This was the only picture she decided to keep out; the rest of Lewis's stuff were sent to his family's house except for two personal objects.

Besides the picture, there was also a purple stuffed alpaca and a purple ascot resting on a shelf; both were gifts that she and Arthur gave him on his tenth birthday. Arthur asked Vivi why she had those items and she told him that they belonged to someone special to all of them, but she couldn't tell him their name because he saw them die and got amnesia from the trauma. That and he might faint with that weird glow again which she and Mystery are still concerned about. Arthur was confused about his friend's answer but left it at that, knowing he shouldn't pry into personal things that made Vivi teary eyed and Mystery bow his head down in grief, regret and sorrow.

After she got dressed, she walked over to the shelf and picked up the ascot, tying it around her blue hair. Once she did that, she walked in to the kitchen, got some omelettes ready in about ten minutes (she is so grateful for the Peppers for teaching her how to cook!) and opened up her phone after feeling it vibrate, seeing an email; someone was asking for help from the Mystery Skulls. Her icy blue eyes narrowed as she read more. She shut her phone off when she saw Arthur walked in, well rested, cleaned, dressed and his metal arm was on. He was also wearing a skull butterfly necklace with three small gems engraved in the front, glowing faintly. Before he got out of the hospital, Mystery went off in search of those gems which consists of healing the soul, protecting the mind and loving the body and spirit. He asked Vivi to get the charm to put them on and she got the necklace; she and Lewis planned to give it to Arthur after their love confession. It'll still mean it'll be a symbol of love between the three but it'll do as an protection charm until she tells him the truth. So what happened in the cave, doesn't happen again; no supernatural beings would ever try to take the blonde away from them again. Vivi had to stop her blush from showing because Arthur looked like a cute koala just waking up from it's nap. Geez, she really wants to tell him about her feelings soon... Maybe after solving this case she will do just that.

As he sat down and ate his food, he looked up and said, seeing the stern look on Vivi's face, "What's wrong, Viv?" Vivi looked at Arthur and said, as her look and voice softened, yet held a serious, concern tone inside, "It seems that we have a case to attend to in the next town. It's about a day's drive so we should arrive at night. The people are in a panic; something's causing trouble and they believe it might be some type of monster. There's been evidence of strange growling, missing equipment and people, and weird slime left on the pavement. They want us to check it out. We don't have to go if you want to." Ever since Lewis's death, Vivi always made sure to ask Arthur if they should go on a case, making sure to always be considerate of his feelings. (Even if the last case they took was about six months ago and was just a female ghost looking for her lover, believing they were hurt after the fire that had killed them. They found evidence of what happened in the end, visited the ghost's lover and the ghost thanked them before passing on after seeing their loved one alive, healthy and healing. That was the first time Vivi and Mystery saw Arthur excited on a case involving a real ghost. They were shocked to say the least when the blonde, who was cautious yet curious, talked to the kind spirit, helping her out.)

Arthur looked at his concerned friend as he held his hand up and said, smiling nervously, "It's ok, Viv. Let's check it out. Besides, when's the last time we even went out and solve a real mystery? I'll take a look at the van while you get some supplies. We can leave in about an hour or so."

Vivi and Mystery, who walked in to the kitchen, flinched, knowing the real reason why they haven't gone on more mysteries then usual. It's been about a year since the cave, since Arthur was possessed and Lewis was killed. Vivi would still have nightmares, although rarely, about what would happen if Mystery hadn't been able to save Arthur from the demon on time or if he remembered what happened to Lewis. Those two outcomes would always be her new fears of losing the last person that she and Lewis loves.

They, along with the Peppers, the Yukinos, Uncle Lance and the Kingsmans, also know not to say Lewis's name at all, for Arthur would get a weird magenta glow around his eyes and he would fall unconscious for a few hours only to wake up with terrible migraines or a splitting headache. (Even though it breaks their hearts to not talk about Lewis, especially the Pepper sisters, who would try to talk about their big brother to Arthur each time he came to visit while Vivi was taking cooking lessons from their parents, hoping he would remember anything. Their hope is slowly dying out, but they aren't giving up.)

As they were coming to their senses, Vivi looked at Mystery, smiled faintly and said, as they started packing supplies for the trip, "Well, Mystery, ready to solve this case?" Mystery looked up at Vivi, staring into her calm, icy blue eyes covered by the girl's pink glasses, said, a small smile spreading across his face, "Yes. It's been a while since we've had a case. Now we must go; we shouldn't keep Arthur waiting. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy to go on a case before."

Vivi laughed slightly as she and Mystery put the last of the supplies in the van and, as they both got in the van, smiled at Arthur who finished checking the engine and got in to the driver's seat. He put the key in the ignition, starting the vehicle, and smiled at his friends. With music blasting on the radio, the trio set off on the road towards a new adventure, not knowing that they would meet with someone who was familiar to them along the way. Nor would they be expecting what would happen when they found it.

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 9: ...And Happiness In Private Life

Masterpost     AO3 Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 9(cont’d)

This one is super super short(actually just the first few scenes of the complete chapter) because I just can’t shake the writer’s block on this fic. I’m putting this fic on HIATUS, can’t say for how long, but I would like to finish it someday. Cowriters will always be extremely welcome!

--

It had been a major fuck-up to not press Vanya more about his family life last night. That had been the first time he had volunteered information, without any prodding from Al, and would have kept talking if only Al hadn’t been such an idiot! Yeah, sure, he’d been exhausted and in no condition to analyze whatever would’ve been told, but he could’ve done that later! Now Vanya had come back to his senses, and his lips were sealed tighter than Fort Knox! Uuuggghhh!!! Al frowned into his coffee cup while staring at the wall where Vanya had scribbled his number that first time. Back then Al hadn’t been surprised to get a number, but as time had went on, he came to realize that Vanya wasn’t the type of person who went around sharing his number with just anyone. He was picky about the type of people he socialized with, and honestly, it still kind of baffled Al that he had been one of those Vanya accepted. They couldn’t be more different – as charming as Al was, and he was very charming, he couldn’t really get Vanya. Al simply could not understand why Vanya didn’t want to talk about some things, or why he was content with being a silent participant in a conversation, how he could stand not having friends. His life seemed so profoundly lonely and boring, and he didn’t seem content with it, but he wasn’t willing to change it, either.

Maybe it was all just because of that mental illness he refused to acknowledge. It’s never easy losing your parents, and it sounded like Vanya had been pretty young when it happened. He said they had moved to the States in 1996, so Ivan had been, what, around... Uhm, 2015 minus 1996... that made 19... and now Vanya was 32 so that minus 19... Uhhhhhhh around 12. Close enough, Al had never been good at math. Well, 12 wasn’t that young, didn’t sound to Al like a death in the family would be that traumatizing at that age. Al had been 10 when Artie moved back to England, and it hadn’t fucked him up bad. So it wasn’t the exact same thing, but it had been close. Five years of radio silence from someone who was practically his older brother. That’s basically a death. So maybe it wasn’t just a simple death, maybe there’d been some weird, special circumstances. Could be that Vanya had been a huge mama’s boy. Or maybe it had been an accident he was present at, like a car crash. If it had been that, Al sure was lucky Vanya had survived. Kids are so fragile, they can die from the dumbest things. If he hadn’t survived, or if his mom had, Vanya would’ve never moved to America, and then Al would’ve never met him. Al hated thinking that it was a good thing Vanya’s mom had died, but he couldn’t help it – as infuriating and incomprehensible Vanya was, he really was The One for Al. Despite all their differences, despite all their problems, despite all their fights. Al was again reminded of their first ever fight, the one with rape fetish accusation. Dubois had been killed that same night, and Vanya hadn’t replied to Al’s texts until two days later. If Dubois had been found as quickly as the other bodies, within a couple days instead of ten, Vanya would have been too busy to ever be willing to fix his relationship with a guy he had only been dating a couple weeks, max. Funny how many hurdles they had passed without ever knowing they had existed. If Kyle had gotten to Al first, if Al had followed the street signs better, if Dubois had been found earlier… They were like Romeo and Juliet, destined to be together, star-crossed lovers. If that wouldn’t convince Artie that Vanya was awesome, nothing would! He was into occult crap so he must’ve believed in fate, too. Come to think of it, what if Vanya had met Dubois instead of Al that night? He did say they were very similar, he might have fallen in love with Dubois, as well. Al liked to think that he was a special case, that Dubois wouldn’t have been as invested and smitten with Vanya as Al had been from the get-go, but who’s to say he couldn’t have held Vanya’s interest just long enough for Al to pass by unnoticed? Or what if BK had chosen to kill Al instead of Dubois? If they really were that similar to an outside eye, it wouldn’t have mattered which one died. Al was lucky he had been too pissed off to even think about going out that night, or it might have been him strangled and castrated. He wouldn’t have put it past himself to pick up some random guy and agree to an alley fuck. Maybe Dubois had had a fight with his boyfriend, too. Maybe he hadn’t been past having revenge sex. Maybe he had liked rough sex. Maybe he wouldn’t have been scared by Vanya’s violent fucking. Maybe Vanya would have run into him and pounded him into blissful goo. Maybe Vanya would have liked imagining he was beating Al. Sliding doors, like Al had said about Kyle. In one continuity, Al was dating Vanya and Dubois was killed – in another, Al was killed and Dubois was dating Vanya – and in a third, Al had a one-night stand with Kyle, Vanya had no one to pull him out of depression, and Dubois was dead.

~¨:.:¨~

Ivan entered the office with three coffees in hand – two blacks and one with milk. This was the easiest Toris-like behavior to replicate, and would likely raise the least questions since it also benefited himself. He made sure to let Amanda see him set his own coffee down on the desk before giving hers, and she wasn’t weirded out. That was a relief. “Good morning”, Ivan said, without smiling, because that would have been pushing it. Amanda nodded in acknowledgment and took a sip of her coffee, then said a simple “thanks” before opening her computer. When Toris came in, she smiled to him and greeted him cheerfully. After she turned back to her computer, and wouldn’t see Ivan’s face, he also smiled slightly as he nodded his greeting to Toris. That day, Ivan concentrated on trying to replicate the smiles Toris often employed – the ones that didn’t express happiness, but were rather meant to ease to atmosphere. He made it look easy – it came out naturally, at the right time, and did what it sought out to do. Ivan only knew how to do sarcastic smiles, and by the end of the day Amanda was almost angry enough at him to actually say something to his face instead of muttering quietly to herself. Exhausted from the mental work, Ivan didn’t even bother getting out of his coat before collapsing face first on the sofa. “Rough day, huh?” Fredya chuckled. Ivan made a grunt, and Fredya crouched down to see his face. “I know what’ll cheer you right up – some quality cuddles and a good movie!” Ivan was too tired to correct him, and so let Fredya take off his boots and peel off his coat. He nearly refused the cuddles, but surprisingly found that he didn’t mind them much, after all. He still would have preferred a nap alone in bed, without explosions and dramatic bass going off every five seconds and Fredya’s elbow digging into his stomach. Somehow he still managed to fall asleep for a few minutes, not enough to feel rested, but much calmer than before. They heated up leftovers from yesterday, moved back to the sofa where Fredya picked out a new action movie without even finishing the first one, and Ivan took out his notebook to arrange his thoughts. About an hour passed, with Fredya saying whatever came to his mind and Ivan replying with a short comment every now and then, peacefully, until Ivan’s phone rang. That was starting to happen abnormally often – before he had crossed paths with Fredya, the phone would ring once every couple months, mostly work related. Now Fredya called him every once in a while when he was feeling too lazy to type, and even Katyushka seemed to have been bitten by the call bug. Two calls from her in as many weeks? Ivan hoped she was only calling to borrow some more money. “Excuse me for a moment.” “Work?” Fredya asked, pausing the movie. He still thought Ivan was actually watching that garbage. “No, it’s Katyusha. Unpause that mindless drivel.” Ivan got up from Fredya’s lap, already stressing about what was pressing on Katyushka’s mind. Don’t get him wrong, he loved both his sisters more than anything in the world, but Katyushka barely ever called for anything other than pressing matters, so Ivan had learned to associate calls from her with crying and pressure. “Yes, Katyushka?” “Hey, Vanya. Is this a good time to talk?” Katyushka greeted cheerfully. A weight immediately lifted off Ivan’s shoulders. “Yes, I’m at home. It sounds like something good happened, yes?” “I think so!” she giggled gleefully, sounding like the careless teenager she had never gotten the chance to be. “I was talking with Tasha earlier today and she told me some interesting news!” she sang teasingly. How odd, Ivan had no clue what news from Tasha might warrant a call to Ivan. If it was related to Tasha herself, Katyushka would wait for Tasha to tell the news herself, and there were few other people in their lives to get excited about. Tasha was interested in celebrity gossip, but Katyushka did not share that interest, so it couldn’t be a movie star getting married. “Oh? Pray tell.” “Don’t play coy with me!” Katyushka laughed. So it was news that Ivan should already be aware of. But then why would Katyushka be telling them to Ivan? “If you’re going to make me guess, we’ll be here the rest of the day”, Ivan replied. “You have a boyfriend!” His heart froze over in panic. “What?! No - I mean – Tasha told you that?” He was hardly intelligible, it felt like his tongue had thrown in the towel. “Uh-huh!” she squeed, for once oblivious to his terror, and Ivan could picture her jumping in joy. “She was jealous because you haven’t been spending time with her so she complained to me! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “I – because – Tasha… Tasha gets jealous very easily, so I did not wish for her to know”, Ivan stuttered, panic setting in, before remembering that Tasha already knew about Fredya. He didn’t need to stay a secret anymore. Ivan was just so used to hiding his relationships from Tasha he did without thinking. “Hey, you could’ve told me! I can keep a secret!” Not from Tasha she couldn’t. Unintentionally or not. “Ooh, I’m so excited, it’s been a long time since you were with anyone! Is he nice? Good-looking? Does he also want kids? Gay or bi? Single or divorced?” Katyushka had always been the one most interested in romance, despite never having dated in her life. Since high school she had kept claiming that she didn’t have the time needed for a solid relationship. While that was true, if only because she would not let herself have the time, Ivan was sure the actual reason was Katyushka being afraid of the apple not falling far from the tree. Her mother and sister sure had trouble picking good men. “You are not giving me any time to answer”, Ivan said, both relieved and nervous. He didn’t mind Katyushka knowing about Fredya, in fact they would get along nicely, but Ivan was worried about her putting ideas into Fredya’s head. Ivan had only ever dated for fun, but each time his older sister had started planning weddings right away, and Ivan didn’t want to scare Fredya away so soon. “Don’t be nervous! I’m really happy for you! You know you’re not getting any younger and it doesn’t help that you’re so shy, plus you’re picky, so all the time I’m worried no one is good enough! So tell me about him!” Katyushka urged. “Well, um, he’s – um, American, he’s a little younger than me. He’s very lively. Please don’t tell Tasha –“  Right, Tasha already knew, as they had established at the very beginning of the call. Talk about conditioned behavior. “His name is Alfred. Do you remember the drunk man who paid our dinner in the Ladle? That’s the man.” “I do!” Katuyshka squealed in exhilaration. “So it’s thanks to me that you guys got together. You were so oblivious to his flirting that I had to give him some tips”, she giggled. “He seemed like a fun guy.” “He is”, Ivan agreed wholeheartedly. “He’s the complete opposite of me. He’s very social, for one.” “I hope he doesn’t drink as much”, Katyushka said, and although her tone wasn’t accusatory at all, Ivan immediately felt guilty. She had known about his drinking problem almost from the start, but wasn’t aware of how bad it had gotten in recent years. “He usually only takes a few beers every now and then. That night was a rare exception”, Ivan assured her. The only other time Fredya had gotten shit-faced was when he had tried challenging Ivan – Fredya learned from his mistakes, even if he liked to pretend otherwise. He always gave off the air of not trying at all, but sometimes you could catch a glimpse of the truth - Fredya did nothing by half-measures, he always did his best because nothing else was good enough for him. Being his best self was so effortless to Fredya, watching him was a joy, no one else could have such spirit. There was a beauty to him – a sincerity. “He’s – Katyushka, he’s amazing. Thank you.” “Vanechka… Oh my god, I’ve never heard you say that about anyone! Aww, that’s so romantic! When are you bringing him to meet us?” “Uh – I don’t think that would be a good idea. Tasha would get jealous.” “Come on, you can’t talk him up like that and then not let me talk to him! He still needs to get the family’s approval! Ask him if he’s free this week, I’ll make time!” She was so excited it would crush her if Ivan didn’t comply. It was still a difficult decision to make - he knew Fredya liked him, but doubtfully to the extent of wanting to meet his family. It would heavily imply a wish for long-term attachment, and Fredya was not the type to settle down. He would run to the hills the second Ivan implied wanting to keep him for life. But Katyushka had asked – Ivan had to do it for her sake, Ivan owed her, and not only for being the catalyst for their relationship. “Alright”, he finally said, and the answer was an overjoyed yippee that sounded wholly inappropriate from a 36-year old. “Let me know when he can make it! Talk to you later!” “Wait, you don’t need to hang up. He’s here.” With his heart thumping painfully, Ivan opened the bedroom door with shaking hands. Fredya was thankfully still concentrated on his idiotic movie so he didn’t notice. “Um, Fredya?” Ivan asked cautiously. “Ya?” he asked distractedly, popping a chip in his mouth, the crackle probably audible even through phone. “Katyusha is on the phone. She has a request.” “Oh, should I leave?” “No, no, it actually has everything to do with you. She would like to meet you sometime this week.” The reaction Fredya had to this invasion of intimacy was very far from the one Ivan had expected. Instead of being weirded out and declining outright, his face lit up in a smile wider than Ivan had ever seen on him. “Are you serious! Of course I’ll meet her!” He was so ecstatic that Ivan was sure he was not aware of the implications. He was afraid Fredya was running headfirst into something he thought was casual friendship. Even so, Ivan was afraid of stating clearly what meeting Katyushka was really about, because even suggesting meeting her implied Ivan wanted to tie Fredya down. He would not be opposed to it, if that was what Fredya wanted, but it would be very presumptuous of him to suggest it himself. “She seems to have a different idea of our relationship than we do, so please disregard whatever she might say about that.” “Chill, dude, I can handle girls. When?” “Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh”, Ivan pleaded to the phone, and Katyushka promised she wouldn’t. She had good intentions, but she wasn’t very good at keeping herself in check, rest assured she would forget all about the promise when she saw Fredya in the flesh again. Ivan put the phone on speaker so they could all weigh in. They eventually settled on Wednesday. Katyushka suggested gathering at Ivan’s house, but he was worried it would feel too domestic and final, and suggested a restaurant instead. He would of course pay for Katyushka’s meal, he couldn’t very well force her into paying herself when she was already behind on so many bills.

--

Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh.(Возлюбленная сестра, пожалуйста, не говори ничего о свадьбах или детях.) : Beloved sister, please don’t say anything about weddings or children.

Chapter name comes from ...счастья в личной жизни by Alla Pugacheva.

[dragoninmypocket]

promises

note: This is part 2.5 of a (rather disjointed) series of ‘missing’ scenes from the books. While the parts can stand alone, I’ve thrown in some callbacks.  

Other parts:

part 1: stay

part 2: follow

part 3: scar

epilogue: after the storm

This is set around a year after the slaves have been freed. Content warning for mental illness symptoms/panic attacks.

Jasmine hides the ring, but keeps it close. She hangs it around her neck on the chain Sharn had found amongst her mother’s things, and wears it only when Lief needs it. On the darkest nights, he laces his fingers with hers and looks at it, that glint of gold which contains the future he can barely imagine.

It is all she can do, perhaps. For this is a war in Lief’s mind (a battle you can never win), so she can say nothing (I can feel she is there), can do nothing when the panic clutches him (you cannot defeat me) she can only stay beside him as he (the street urchin… the little king) tries desperately to escape his own head.

* * *

At the beginning, he fled to her room only when the voice came. Now, he just stays with her. Every night she lies beside him, holding his hand as he sleeps and comforting him when he wakes. It is every night, now. Every night.

“This will never be over,” Lief says through stiff lips, shivering. He has just woken from another sweat-filled, thrashing nightmare. It is four months since he first heard the Crystal, since Jasmine found him huddled under his office desk, sobbing and rocking with his hands pressed against his ears. The deep winter has thawed to spring.

“It will be,” she soothes. “And we are going to be so, so happy. You will see,”

He holds her hand. She is strength and love- his diamond with emerald eyes.

* * *

It comes to her in the dead of night, as she holds Lief’s clutching, desperate hand. She knows this feeling and, horribly, she knows that laugh.

Our mother…our mother…our mother…

But she has to be strong for the both of them now, so Lief must never know.

* * *

They decide to move. The world is more peaceful at the forge, and Lief does not scream so much.

But they can never escape it, not really. He will always be waiting. She can hear me too, little king. She can. Do you remember what happened last time she could hear me? I nearly took her from you. You could not protect her from me.

Lief feels a chill, but when he looks at Jasmine she is smiling, folding the quilt which lies across his palace bed, the one Sharn made for his eighteenth birthday. Boxes filled with Lief’s clothes sit beside her, and there is hope in her eyes.

She would tell him if something was wrong. Why would she lie to him?

* * *

Here is why:

One morning it is Jasmine who freezes, shaking and wide-eyed, on the steps of the palace. And Lief knows. He knows, and any comfort Jasmine can bring him is gone.

Now, he is consumed with hysterical fear. He will not sleep. He will not eat. He will not let Jasmine out of his sight. His mind is fixed on one thought. Tora.

“I am not going,” Jasmine says, watching him pace the forge’s living room.

“You must!” Lief turns to her, his eyes wild. He is shaking so hard his teeth are chattering. “Jasmine- he is going to hurt you… He told me…. You have to!”

But Jasmine cannot leave him.

* * *

Two days after Lief discovers Jasmine’s secret, Barda arrives at the forge. He takes one look at the boy- at his exhausted face, his stubble, his greasy hair- and he orders Lief to draw a bath.

Lief shakes his head, mumbling. “I cannot leave-” He glances anxiously at Jasmine. She is sitting next to him on the couch, her hand in his.

“You can. I am here now,” Barda reminds him. “I will not let anything happen to her, Lief. I promise,”

Yesterday Doom had visited the forge and made the same promise. He had ordered Lief to bed, swearing that Jasmine would be safe, that he had his sword and his dagger and ten guards outside who would slaughter any intruder in an instant. Lief had not believed him, and he had not slept. 

But Lief believes Barda, and for the first time in two days, he leaves Jasmine’s side.

Barda watches him go, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “He looks terrible, Jasmine.”

“I am trying my best,” the response is tight and small. Barda turns around, startled, and is ashamed to see her usually stern face has crumpled. A shadow as dark as a bruise sits under each dull green eye. He can tell she has been crying.  “I am trying,” she whispers again, her voice cracking. “I…”

Barda’s heart jumps into his throat. “I know, Birdie. I did not mean-” He takes Lief’s place on the couch. “You have done far more than anyone could have expected of you,”

“It is still not enough,” Jasmine says, still in that same tiny voice. “Nothing is is enough. But what else can I do?”

Barda leans forward to grip Jasmine’s wrist. “You can go to Tora,”

Jasmine stares at him in disbelief. Everyone has said the same- Sharn and Marilen writing frantically from the magic city, Doom staring at her from across the forge table, Lief screaming and shaking and begging... But she had always believed that Barda would take her side. That he would understand why.

“We promised each other-” she begins, almost angry.

“I know,” he says. His mind is filled with the memory of Jasmine, under the stars at the edge of the Shifting Sands. Her face, so much younger and more assured than the one before him now. Her hand, reaching out to shake his as she made the oath that he would repeat. No matter what, they would protect Lief, even if it cost them their lives, even if it meant leaving the other to their fate. There would be no anger, no hard feelings, no regret. “If you have to choose between me and Lief, I want you to protect Lief. Even if it means I have to die, promise you will protect Lief.” 

They had not even known he was the king, then, but there was still enough reason. Lief was not a warrior like them. He alone had a family, and friends who would miss him if he was gone. And they loved him, even then, they loved him. If you love someone, you will do anything to protect them. 

But somehow, making that oath under the stars, neither of them had anticipated this. That they would grow to love each other. That Lief could love them too.

Barda squeezes her wrist gently. “Lief will not rest until he knows you are safe. And Tora is the only place where he can be assured of your protection. You want to help him? You go to Tora. It is all you can do,”

Jasmine knows he is right. Of course he is right. She bows her head, defeated. There is a long silence, interrupted only by faint creeks as Lief moves around the cottage.

At last Jasmine whispers, “You promise you will stay in Del? No matter what Lief begs, you will keep him safe?”

He nods. “On my honour. I always have,”

A tear falls onto Barda’s hand, still firm on Jasmine’s wrist. Another falls, and lands on the ring on her finger. “And… and you Barda? You will stay safe?” 

“I will,” he says. “I am safe. I cannot hear the Crystal, remember? Do you think I would still be sleeping at the palace if I could?”  

Her eyes close in relief. “Look after him Barda,” she whispers, an echo of the letter from Sharn that burns in his jacket pocket. Look after our precious boy.

* * *

Hours later, Lief is clean and sleeping peacefully on the couch, bathed in the light of the full moon. In his hands he is still clutching the note from his mother – Jasmine and Doom have arrived. There is the hint of a smile on his face, the topaz is glowing. Barda knows that, tonight at least, he will be okay.

As carefully and quietly as he can, Barda collects his coat and closes the door behind him. From the forge gate he can see the lights at the palace windows. He stands for a moment, watching as one, then two, then three, blink out. He wonders how the people behind the windows can sleep so easily, unaware of the evil which pulsates above their resting heads. 

Sighing, Barda turns away and starts to move down the pot-hilled road towards the edge of the city. There he will find a tavern he knows well. He has been sleeping there for the last two weeks.

You are a fool to think you can protect them from me.

I can, Barda promises silently. And I will.

note: I know in Dragon’s Nest Barda says he does not suffer like Lief… but I’ve always thought that even if he did, he would never have told anyone.

[tiny-hansen-au]

Fade Away

Well, I have a hundred followers now, so here’s the terrible fanfic I wrote.

Warnings: Character death, some swears, I’m not used to posting stories on Tumblr, so idk

Things to know: tinies are kind of uncommon, but there are others like Evan, and it’s not unusual for tiny families to live with human families, so the Hansens live with the Kleinsens. Also, I actually diid a heck ton of research for this, because I had to find something since I found out a person can’t die by eating too many bath bombs. Enough rambling I guess so here.

Evan was quite observant; he usually noticed small things people tend to overlook. Which was why he became worried everytime Jared came down with a fever. He was pretty sure he was getting them more often than usual, though Jared dismissed his worries for paranoia. However, it was more than just the fevers.

His body bruised more easily than before, and Evan noticed how he seemed more tired than usual. (Normal Jared was Asshole Jared, but Tired Jared was Asshole Jared times ten.) And though he continued to eat bathbombs- which Evan would never understand why- he basically skipped out on most meals, claiming not to have an appetite.

“Why do you care?” Jared asked when Evan had voiced his concerns, sounding a little annoyed. “I’m telling you, I’m fine!”

“Jared, it’s just… I really think something’s wrong,” Evan said. He wasn’t that great at negotiating, but he hoped he could get Jared to see what he was saying. “You should probably tell your parents, they could-”

“No, Evan,” the larger snapped. “We’re not telling my parents anything. Nothing’s wrong with me, end of story.”

For the next three months or so, whenever Evan tried to bring it up, Jared quickly steered the conversation away, or just stopped talking to him altogether for the rest of the day (even though they lived in the same household).

At some point, Evan gave up in trying, choosing instead to complain to his mother about this problem. “Don’t worry, honey,” she told him as they ate dinner one night while the Kleinman family was out. “I’ll talk to his parents about it.”

He gave her a small nod, swallowing his food. “Thanks, Mom.”

Sure enough, she did. Jared’s parents had scheduled a doctor’s appointment for that weekend, and when he came back from it, he seemed pretty pissed, especially at Evan. “What the hell, man???” he yelled after his parents and Heidi left to go somewhere. “I told you not to tell them!!!”

“Jared, I-I was just- I was worried for you-”

“Yeah, well, now I gotta get a freaking blood test tomorrow morning. Next time, mind your own fucking business!!!” And with that, he left to go to his room, slamming the door loudly.

Evan remained at the table where he stood, wanting to cry. Oh God, he messed up again. He wished he hadn’t said anything, that probably would’ve been better. Jared was probably right, it was probably just nothing, maybe he was just too paranoid. However, when the results from the lab came back, Evan didn’t know what to feel.

Jared was diagnosed with leukemia.

Everything changed so fast. Jared was no longer sarcastic or witty. He didn’t even try to make some sort of joke on the situation; instead, he remained quiet, constant fear in his eyes, no matter how much he tried to hide it. And that scared Evan, how different he became.

He was required to stay in the hospital for treatment. Evan was sure it was chemotherapy, as he had looked up how leukemia was treated. He silently confirmed it when Mrs. Kleinman brought him along to the hospital for the first time, seeing the hair on his friend’s head removed. Jared just laughed about it, making terrible jokes and brushing it off like it was no big deal, but Evan knew that deep down, he was terrified.

It was a normal visit, nothing seemed different. Evan, as usual, sat on Mrs. Kleinman’s shoulder as they entered the building. The young woman at the reception desk gave them a soft smile. “Hello, Mrs. Kleinman and Mr. Hansen,” she greeted the two. She, along with the rest of the staff, knew them very well, as they came by just about everyday. Mrs. Kleinman smiled back, starting some small talk with her.

Evan remained quiet as they conversed. Though the lady- whose name he learned to be Zuri- was about his age, he still wasn’t very comfortable talking with her, so he really only spoke whenever she asked him questions.

Once they were done, Mrs. Kleinman began to take the same path they did everyday to Jared’s hospital room, doctors and nurses passing by, some of them tiny like Evan. Inside, Jared was staring with boredom at the TV in the corner of the room, watching some sort of anime that Evan didn’t recognize.

“Hi, sweetie!” Mrs. Kleinman greeted her son, making him aware of their presence. He turned to them, his eyes lighting up as he spotted the smaller being on her shoulder.

“Hey, Mom. Hey, Evan,” he replied, giving a small smile. His mother walked over, gently placed Evan down on the table next to the hospital bed, and kissed her son’s cheek.

“How are you doing?” She squeezed his hand softly, smiling, though Evan could see the worry in her eyes.

“I’m fine, Mom.” Evan heard a slight hesitation as he said that, as if Jared wasn’t sure it was true. He hoped it was just him being paranoid; he didn’t know what he’d do if Jared wasn’t okay.

“Mrs. Kleinman?” A doctor came into the room, clipboard in his arms. “We need to talk.”

She nodded then turned to Evan. “Make sure he doesn’t get into trouble,” she whispered to him, her tone slightly joking.

Evan laughed a bit, though it was more out of nervousness. “Y-yeah,” he said as she walked out the room with the doctor, closing the door behind them.

There was about a minute of silence between the two boys before Jared said, “Wish I wasn’t such an asshole to you.”

“What do you mean?” Evan jumped from the table onto the mattress of the bed as carefully as he could, climbing onto Jared’s chest and staring him in the eye.

Jared just looked away. “Ah, it’s nothing,” he replied, chuckling a bit, though his eyes didn’t smile.

Evan stared at him as he sat down, trying to figure out what was troubling him. “Jared, what’s wrong?”

No answer.

“Could you tell me what’s wrong? Please?”

Another few moments of silence before Jared looked back at him, tears sparkling behind his glasses. “I-I’m not going to make it,” he choked out, his voice cracking.

Evan felt his blood go cold. “What???” he cried out, a little louder than intended.

Jared nodded slowly, one tear rolling down his cheek. “They’re telling me that everything is gonna be fine, everything is gonna be all right, but I know it’s not. I can hear them. I was diagnosed too late.” More tears came streaming as he struggled to contain them. “God, if I just listened to you when you were worried, I could’ve…. I c-could’ve-”

“Jared, don’t say that!” Evan exclaimed, running up to his face and placing a hand on his chin. “You’re gonna be fine, y-you’re not gonna die!!”

“Heh.” Jared gently used a finger to pet his tiny friend’s hair. “I thought you gave up lying to everyone.”

Evan felt his throat tightening as he swallowed. “No, Jared, you’ll be okay, I promise you’ll be okay, I-”

Jared shushed him, closing his eyes. “There’s nothing you can do…” he whispered sadly.

Evan stood there, letting the tears fall. Being only a few inches tall, he felt useless like this. If only he were bigger, maybe he could help him, but like Jared said, there was nothing he could do.

As he sobbed, his giant friend gripped the back of his collar between his thumb and index and slowly lifted him up. Instinctively, Evan curled up into a small ball like a young kitten lifted by its nape would. Carefully, Jared brought him back onto his chest, using the same hand to cover him like a blanket.

As Evan lay there, he could both feel and hear the giant heartbeats of his friend, calming him down as his breathing became more steady, matching Jared’s as he slowly went up and down. He remembered the first time he heard those heartbeats years ago. Something, though he could no longer recall what, had scared him, and Jared, being nearby, quickly scooped him up. It was most likely intended to be an act of comfort at the time when he held him gently against his chest, but it instead frightened the small teen even more. The giant lub-dub pounding in his ear was very terrifying back then, but over time, as Jared began to do it more and more, he became accustomed to the sound. The steady beat soon helped him calm down, sometimes even lulling him to sleep.

This time, though, he fought that urge to doze off. He stayed awake, continuing to listen to the muffled heartbeat through the green hospital gown, feeling Jared’s chest slowly rise and fall. As he did, he wondered what the doctor was telling Jared’s mother. Was he telling her the same thing Jared told him? He hoped not. He hoped it was just some sick joke he was playing.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, but it was definitely a while later when he felt the heart beating slower. He tried not to let it bother him, as he was sure it was just because Jared was asleep. However, it became harder to ignore as it kept slowing down.

“Jared?” he called out unsurely, looking up at him. He appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but Evan worried even more as he realized his breathing was becoming less frequent as well.

No, he thought, he’s fine, Jared’s fine, this time I’m just being paranoid, and he’s just joking about this, even though it’s a terrible thing to joke about, but he’s fine, he’s just fine, totally fine! But it didn’t help, as the uneasy feeling in his stomach wouldn’t leave. He felt tears begin to pool in his eyes as he listened to the slowing heartbeats, quivering slightly. No, Jared can’t die, Jared won’t die, he refused to believe it, but at the same time, he couldn’t shake the thought that it was possible, feeling more helpless than before.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he realized it had been about a minute since the last heartbeat. He lay there anxiously, waiting for the next one, but it never came. He felt himself pale and his heart almost skip a beat.

“No,” he whispered, crawling out from beneath Jared’s limp hand. “No, no, no!!! Jared, y-you’re not- you can’t be dead!!” He ran closer to his face, trying to shake him awake. When his efforts proved to be futile, he allowed a sob to escape from his throat. “Please…” he whispered softly. “You can’t leave me alone, I…

”… I loved you…“

Now Jared would never know the feelings he harbored for him, the feelings he had been so scared to admit; he was too late. Evan leaned over, giving him a gentle kiss on his bottom lip, before leaning back, knowing Jared would never return the kiss.

[mooosicaldreamz]

do you have any more wonderful drabbles from the myiy universe that you can share? :) :) :) :) :)

ya, three different asks showed up like this when i announced that my blog was 7 years old and i was doing stuff to celebrate. u ppl are rabid and i like that about u. i also am rabid. @lynnearlington has instituted a new policy where i can’t read the chapter until it’s more finished because apparently reading parts early is what’s preventing me from catching all of her typos. CAN U PPL STOP SENDING HER ALL THE TYPOS I MISS. THIS IS THE WORST. 

my youth is yours is a fic by @lynnearlington and i beta it for her and she lets me write things in the universe to give her inspiration. here’s one.

Kara’s been pacing back and forth through the room they had set up for training and testing Mon-El for thirty minutes before Eliza and J’onn stare at Alex long enough for her to notice. She’s been peacefully watching her sister from a monitor in the command room stalk around the room like a caged lion; it’s sort of calming in that she’s moving so fast it’s hard to see her face.

She’s been complaining intermittently since Alex had enforced a no-fly policy for Kara that had included a few threats about sister nights no longer including brownies, and a longer, more in-depth explanation of how Kara could die if someone was testing an anti-alien chemical agent out in National City. Supergirl was more important than Kara’s annoyance; Supergirl was also more important than Kara’s insistence that she go retrieve Lena Luthor.

“She’s going to tear through the concrete if she keeps moving like this,” J’onn observes. Winn, who’s nearby, running over security cameras from around the alien bar, glances over and makes a face like he’s impressed by how quickly Kara’s moving.

“She won’t be safe if she goes out there,” Alex says, crossing her arms and watching as Kara stops for half a second and cocks her head to the side, listening for something. It’s a tell if Kara’s ever had one - she’s listening for Lena’s heartbeat, somewhere across the city - and it’s disgusting. Eliza sighs, sets down her tablet. Alex can see the initial readouts on Mon-El’s precipitous breakdown reflected there.

“We won’t be safe from her wrath if you don’t let her go get Lena,” her mom says, ever so wisely. “You know that as well as I do.”

“Lena is a civilian,” Alex says. It’s number one on her list of forty-three reasons why Lena Luthor does not need to be in the DEO as of this moment. She had begun compiling it nearly immediately after they had determined the anti-alien purpose of the chemical agent. Number two was Lena Luthor is not dating my sister, and until she is, I’m pissed at her. She hadn’t recited that one to Kara forty minutes ago, before Kara had stomped off to the training room.

“I hadn’t realized Miss Luthor and Supergirl were so close,” J’onn says, and Alex knows that he doesn’t read her mind unless he feels like he needs to, but his confused look is perhaps more infuriating than Kara’s desperate groan two hours ago when Alex had initially denied her leave.

“It’s a long story,” Alex says. “That has no relevance to today.”

“You know that isn’t true,” her mom says. “If not for Kara’s sanity - which is a good enough reason anyway, in my book - Kara’s right. Lena would be helpful in figuring out this attack.”

“She’s a CEO, not a biochemical engineer with years and years of experience working with this organization, mom,” Alex says, and she now feels like she’s arguing to get a later curfew, but she’s going to stick with it. Kara’s pacing is slowing down, now, like she’s getting ready to come back in and complain. She can probably hear mom sticking up for her.

“You and I have both read the work she did with Jack Spheer,” her mom says, rolling her eyes at Alex. “She’s also a genius, Alex. We need all hands on deck, and we also need Kara to not destroy the entire base.”

“And I’m sure she has vital anti-alien research to draw from,” J’onn says, then raises his hands when both Alex and her mom turn to look at him with glares in their eyes. “Not her own. But surely she has a knowledge base.”

“She would be valuable even if she didn’t,” her mom says, and Alex has to work hard to prevent her hands from ripping hair out of her head.

“And we do need her to be brought into the DEO anyway, considering she knows Supergirl’s identity and has, apparently, for years,” J’onn says, eyeing Alex like it’s her fault her sister’s managed to cause such a mess. “There’s a pile of NDAs prepared for her.”

“And she could help you and I,” her mom says, pointing at the research on the tablet. “You and she have always worked well together.”

Alex wants to insist that that was before Lena had broken her sister’s heart, before Alex had helped Kara move across the country to a new university so she didn’t have to think about how quiet the school was without Lena there. Before Lena had never called, or texted, or emailed, or skywritten. It was a miracle she hadn’t shot the woman the minute she had seen her send a hesitant smile Kara’s way and Kara had smiled back.

“But would Miss Luthor agree to come in if we asked?” J’onn asks, looking between Alex and her mother with his trademark apathy. “L Corp has been against government contracting since the company was started by her father.”

“She would come if Kara asked,” her mom says, then shrugs. “She would come if she knew Kara was in danger.”

“She is in danger, which is why I’m not letting Kara out,” Alex says, and nearly hits the desk in front of her in anger. When she glances up at the monitor again, Kara’s gone.

Her brief panic is abated by her sister appearing at her side and promptly smacking the very expensive command desk with her own fist.

“Kara, don’t hit things,” her mom says, reaching out and rubbing at Kara’s shoulder. Kara quickly draws up her arms and crosses them, copying her sister, looking sheepish.

“I have come up here to see if you have reconsidered your position,” Kara says, and she looks like she’s trying to be diplomatic and calm, but she also looks like her hand is shaking. Alex wants to help Kara feel better - of course she does. But if Lena Luthor is going to insist that she and Kara are plain old friends, than maybe it’s better if Kara is angry at her for a few days while they get this sorted out.

“I have not,” Alex says. “We don’t need Lena here, and you flying out to get her is a liability we cannot risk.”

Kara nearly hits the table again - Alex can tell. She tries not to look at the annoyed and anguished expression on Kara’s face and instead looks at the screens in the command center, some of them starting to show the breaking news of the bar attack. Their media blackout had somehow managed to last a few hours.

“I need - ” Kara’s thankfully cut off by her phone ringing, and she answers it quickly, turning away from the table. Alex can only hear the initial, I’m okay, but she knows exactly who it is once Kara’s moving quickly down the entryway, toward her window. Alex starts trying to follow after her, but Kara is moving extremely fast.

“No, no, no, Kara,” Alex says, not shouting - because she has some restraint, and she knows Kara can hear her, as she holsters her phone beneath her cape and spares a half-second glance at J’onn - not at Alex, but at J’onn, honestly.

Kara, of course, takes off and nearly blows the windows she’s flying so fast.

“I’m going to kill her,” Alex says, turning back and looking at her mom and J’onn. J’onn smiles, just a little.

“I’ll have legal send the paperwork to your office,” he says, stepping away from the command desk and coming closer to her. “Go help your mother with the virus until Supergirl comes back with Miss Luthor.”

Alex glares after him as he walks away, and then sort of just glares out the window, waiting for Kara to come back and praying Cadmus doesn’t realize Supergirl is out and about.

-

Nearly twenty long minutes later, Kara arrives again, grinning happily at Alex as she sets Lena down on the platform, as though Kara hadn’t disobeyed Alex’s express wishes. Lena, for her part, looks windblown and wide-eyed, looking around the entryway with curious, appraising eyes.

Alex is calmer now. Ten minutes ago, Eliza had had a stern few sentences for Alex which included a reminder to support her sister and to be nicer when she comes back. She had been nice. Kara had been on quarantine. That was nice, and caring of her.

“This is supposed to be a secret government base,” Alex says, and Lena looks up at her with something like a smile ghosting on her face. Kara shrugs, her cape shuffling in the air on the landing.

“It’s Lena,” she says, and if Alex could strike a phrase from her life, she’d definitely choose that one. She thinks she might roll her eyes so hard that it could be seen from space.

“That can’t be your catch-all reasoning for everything,” Alex says, and Kara’s grabbing ahold of a surprised Lena by the hand, moving down the steps and smiling still. She’s a world away from the anxious mess that had flown out of the building twenty minutes ago. It’s absurd.

The only good thing about it is that when she reminds Kara that she ran off in the middle of her quarantine, Lena starts in on her as well, stopping Kara and directing a heavy glare Kara’s way. It’s the small things in life that bring Alex joy.

But then Kara is pulling Lena away again, still smiling and holding the other woman’s hand. Alex is left to walk behind them as Lena stares around and Kara stares at Lena. It’s truly disgusting, and it’s absurd, because occasionally, Lena will stop cataloguing their entire building and its technology, and she’ll glance over at Kara, and they’ll smile at each other, like they’re totally unaware that they’re holding hands and waltzing through the DEO.

Just friends. Alex wishes she could staple the phrase to their foreheads.

[taraadevlin]

The mysterious Ken and the secret on the second floor

1: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:01:38 ID:DJ9qQQei7 I’m gonna write now, okay.

2: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:01:47 ID:agIBjaFPH Oooookay.

4: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:02:47 ID:DJ9qQQei7 My details (at the time)

175cm 62kg A regular face Hobbies: Shogi, aquariums Never had a girlfriend, only a few friends

Okay, let me write this down.

At the time I was a first grade university student and living alone, so I didn’t have much money (my allowance from home was also quite small).

I worked part time jobs at family restaurants and convenience stores, but I noticed that home teachers got paid a lot better.

But registering to be a home teacher on the web is a bit of a hassle, isn’t it?

So I got permission from the neighbourhood and started handing out flyers.

I’m pretty sure I had on there that I could teach junior high school students English and Japanese, one hour was 3000 yen, and it had my contact details.

Then a few days later I got a phone call.

It sounded like a middle aged lady.

“I saw your flyer~ Would you be able to come over?” she said.

When I asked her about it she said she was looking for someone to teach her son.

She wanted me to come every day and teach him for four hours.

I was like, are you for real? That’s 12 000 yen a day, awesome!

I should have thought it was a little strange she wanted me to be there for four hours a day every day.

6: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:04:09 ID:agIBjaFPH I get it, they kidnap and kill you on the day, and then demand a ransom. I saw that yesterday.

9: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:06:01 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>6 I saw that too and thought I should start a thread! Because this story happened about four years ago…

11: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:07:30 ID:agIBjaFPH >>9 Really? Being a home teacher really is a scary job, huh…

8: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:04:52 ID:DJ9qQQei7 She wanted me to come the very next day, so the next day I went over.

It was in the evening (from about 5pm I think) for four hours, so I ate dinner early and went over.

When I arrived at the address a tiny old house was sitting there.

It was also that time of day so it gave off a bit of a creepy atmosphere.

Well, it’s work… I thought, so I timidly rang the door bell.

When I did, I heard the voice of that same middle aged lady from the phone and felt a bit relieved.

When the door opened and I saw her I was at a loss for words.

Her head was full of dandruff.

She had dark bags around her eyes.

Her grin was horrifying.

Instantly I wanted to go back home, but in the end money won out.

Old lady: “Please, come in.” (grin)

“Thank you,” I said and stepped inside. I think my voice was shaking.

I asked her where her son was and she was like, this way, and led me into a further room.

To be honest I was absolutely terrified. I dunno how to explain exactly but the atmosphere the house gave off was really scary.

Reluctantly I followed her further inside and we ended up in what looked like a child’s room.

There was a chest of drawers, a TV, a bed, stuffed toys, toy robots, a study desk…

There looked to be a child sitting at the study desk in the back, but when I walked over to it I suddenly realised.

12: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:07:41 ID:DJ9qQQei7 “Hello!” I said as I approached, but upon closer inspection… it was a doll…

Not just any doll, it appeared to be handmade. It was about the size of a real child and was even wearing regular clothes.

Its face was awful. There were just three dots made of cloth.

In Mario there are these characters called shy guys, right? It looked just like those.

Old lady: “That’s my son.” (grin)

I turned white. This place was dangerous. Really dangerous.

“Uh… that’s a doll… right?” I accidentally spit out.

That was the wrong thing to say.

Old lady: “Huuuuuhhhhh?!?!?!?! What are you saying?!!! That’s my son!!! Ken-kun!!!!”

She suddenly screamed out in a loud voice and began to cry.

This was really bad. She’s probably gonna kill me. I don’t want to die.

I need to end this peacefully somehow and get back home.

“Oh yeah I know! I know!” I said.

“Ken-kun, let’s study!!” When I said this, the old lady started to smile again and returned to normal.

Of course Ken-kun didn’t answer. Why would he? He was a doll after all.

Rather than calling it study, I just turned towards the doll and began talking to it.

Having to do this for another four hours would be hell. Even taking a break for ten minutes was still painful.

“The be verb is here so it becomes this~ This is the conjunctive form so it’s ‘u’ okay~” I went on like this alone for four hours.

The old lady watched from behind the whole time grinning. It was really creepy.

15: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:09:38 ID:2q03lblwb That’s terrifying.

16: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:09:48 ID:DJ9qQQei7 Somehow I managed to pass the four hours.

“Okay, well let’s finish it there~” I said to Ken-kun.

There was no reply. Of course not. It was a doll.

Old lady: “Well done~ Thank you very much~” (grin)

While thinking about how creepy her grinning face was I got ready to go home.

Old lady: “It’s already late, so why don’t you stay and eat first?” (grin)

No, I ate before I came so I’m alright, I told her.

Besides, any food that came out of this creepy house was bound to be awful.

Old lady: “Please eat!!!!!”

She screamed again. It was so scary. She was mad. But I thought she would kill me, so I reluctantly accepted.

She took me to what looked like the dining room and I sat down in a chair.

She took out a knife and started preparing dinner.

When she took out the knife my heart began to race. I broke out in a cold sweat.

She took out a dirty old pan and began to boil something. It smelled like curry.

Ah, curry. I’m glad it’s something normal, I thought from the bottom of my heart.

Old lady: “Okay, here you are.” (grin)

She put curry onto a dirty plate for me. The spoon was also the type you get free from the convenience store that she was using again.

“Thank you,” I said and timidly began to eat. It was just regular curry. Not awful, not great…

Old lady: “Tastes good, I hope?” (grin)

“Yes! It’s great!” I said in a really loud voice. I was so scared I may have have replied a little too enthusiastically.

Old lady: “I’m glad. Why don’t you stay the night?” (grin)

I had no idea what was going on anymore.

17: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:10:43 ID:VfIQkBZza Why couldn’t you refuse the food?

20: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:11:44 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>17 Because I was so scared.

“No, really, that’s okay,” I answered.

Old lady: “Ken-kun would be so happy~ Please, stay.” (grin)

“No, it’s okay,” I said again.

Old lady: “Please stay!!! You’ll make Ken-kun sad!!!!”

I was scared. But staying overnight in this house was even scarier. The thought of being killed was even scarier than that.

I had no choice. I decided to stay.

I’d pretend that I was staying and when the opportunity presented itself, I’d run.

It was decided I’d stay with Ken-kun in his room.

Having to sleep in the same room as this creepy doll was most unpleasant.

She put out a futon for me in his room.

Old lady: “Isn’t it great~ You get to sleep with your teacher tonight~” (grin)

I was so scared.

18: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:11:13 ID:2q03lblwb I don’t get it.

21: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:13:27 ID:agIBjaFPH Isn’t that confinement…?

23: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:13:50 ID:DJ9qQQei7 Old lady: “The toilet is next to the dining room, so don’t go upstairs okay.” (grin)

First I’d wait for the old lady to go to sleep, so I awaited patiently in Ken-kun’s room.

I lamented that I’d forgotten my phone. If I had that I could call for help.

She’ll fall asleep once it gets late, so I waited some more.

That was around 10.30pm.

I had nothing to do so I just lay there in the futon.

26: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:17:08 ID:DJ9qQQei7 Before I realised it, it was 1am. Looked like I’d fallen asleep.

The old lady has to be asleep by now, so I got ready to make my escape.

I grabbed my bag and began to tip toe to the door.

One step… another step… Only my heartbeat made any sound.

“What are you doing?”

Uh oh… that’s it, I thought. I’m dead.

27: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:17:27 ID:DJ9qQQei7 When I looked over the old lady was sitting behind the dining room door, grinning at me.

No way… she’s been sitting there watching me all this time…?

All the blood drained from my body.

Old lady: “You weren’t trying to go home now, were you?” (grin)

I panicked.

“Uwaaaaaaaaaaa!!!” I screamed and ran towards the back of the house.

There was no window a person could escape from in Ken-kun’s room.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I could.

Dotadotadotadota!! I saw a door in front of me. I opened it. It was pitch black.

I looked for the light switch and turned the lights on. Everything in the room lit up.

The room was full of nothing but stuffed toys and dolls. It was terrifying!!

I was brought to a standstill when suddenly

“Kyakyakyakyakyakya!!!” I could hear a voice screaming from the back of the room.

I looked over and saw something that looked like a person? with a really huge head and eyes that looked like they were gonna pop out.

Our eyes met.

“Hyahyahyahyahya!!!!”

It was terrifying. I wet myself. It was disgusting.

In a panic I opened the second floor window and jumped out.

I didn’t feel any pain. My fear won out over that.

I ran all the way home. That night I couldn’t sleep, and my foot was in so much pain that the next day I went to the hospital and found out I’d broken my left ankle.

Afterwards I moved away and didn’t go there again. I didn’t want to go there again.

I wonder what it was I saw in that room?

The end.

28: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:18:40 ID:jey5ysCe1 Perhaps it was a disabled person locked up?

32: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:20:30 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>28 I thought it might have been the real Ken-kun. Maybe he was a handicapped kid and the doll was her way of escaping reality…

29: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:18:47 ID:RcNiQtX6w Wow that’s terrifying, haha.

30: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:18:55 ID:agIBjaFPH So scary.

33: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:21:47 ID:DJ9qQQei7 When I said I moved, I meant I moved away from that town entirely.

If you have any questions, I’m happy to answer them.

34: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:22:15 ID:jey5ysCe1 Do you remember where that house is?

37: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:23:24 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>34 Kind of. I forgot the exact address though.

35: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:22:37 ID:VfIQkBZza In the end did you get the money?

38: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:23:57 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>35 Nope. Returning home safely was more than enough.

36: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:22:44 ID:dHk9aLaVg Was it hydrocephalus？

41: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:25:08 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>36 Maybe, his head was really, really big. Like it was gonna explode.

39: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:24:56 ID:jey5ysCe1 I’m sure it was really scary, but no doubt it was Ken-kun locked away on the second floor.

Was he really there in the dark all that time? He was probably happy to see another person after so long.

42: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:26:04 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>39 The more I think about it the scarier it gets…

44: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:26:53 ID:lfysAOZOU >>42 I was just kidding. That’s the first time in a while I’ve been so scared. Thanks.

40: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:25:05 ID:lfysAOZOU I’ve foooound you~

42: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:26:04 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>40 Quit it…

43: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:26:46 ID:wnJtOEtzv What prefecture was this?

45: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:27:04 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>43 Kanto region.

47: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:31:25 ID:wnJtOEtzv Was it Chiba?

48: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:32:48 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>47 Do you live in Chiba? Never fear! It wasn’t Chiba.

51: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:37:21 ID:JrNj686dD What an interesting story. Anyway, did you change your phone number?

52: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:40:34 ID:DJ9qQQei7 >>51 I blocked her number and changed mine soon after!

55: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:53:02 ID:MXh05JNfs This isn’t something you should read on the street at night.

I decided I’m not gonna walk and read my phone anymore.

56: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:53:27 ID:DJ9qQQei7 Are there no more questions?

Well I’m gonna go to bed now, if you’re gonna be a home teacher make sure you’re really careful.

See ya.

58: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/06(日)03:29:31 ID:jJGIHsjDD Been a long time since a scary story gave me goosebumps.

22: 名無しさん＠おーぷん 2014/07/04(金)22:13:44 ID:JrNj686dD Man that’s scary. But the fact you could make this thread means that you’re still alive. I’m relieved.

[mutenized]

Secrets (Modern Thomas Jefferson x Reader)

Words: 2,800

Authors Note(s): SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

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'What's the worse feeling a human can feel? Love. Love is something that is so rare to find and humans lust over it. It has become a task in life to find love, get married, have children, and die. That isn't what love is. Love is falling for another person constantly, over and over again. Living for the moments you have together and mourning the moments you aren't with each other. Love is getting to know someone more than you know yourself and treating them like a priceless artifact because you don't know what tomorrow brings. If you love someone, you feel like a totally different person without them and you don't know what to do. This is how I feel towards (Y/N) but I'm afraid she will never notice.'

        Jefferson closes his laptop, finishing the entry for his Creative Writing course. Though it was a measly paragraph, anything that he wrote about her made his heart skip a beat. Seeing her in his Literature classes made his day better in masses. Taking his phone out, he typed in her name and began to text her.

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        A phone's buzzing broke your focus from your work. Reaching to grab your phone, a notification for a text from the group chat you're in with Angelica, Maria, Aaron, Thomas, and James pops on your home screen.

        'Hey Guys' was the message from Thomas. Laughing at Jefferson's simple greeting, your thoughts race. He wasn't as simple as his messages. Thomas Jefferson was a walking paradox. He always contradicted himself with his simplicity. His work was so complex and true coming but the way he acts is something of a laid back, nothing-to-worry-about person. On that matter, everybody in your friend group could be described as a literary device. Maria was a walking onomatopoeia since she makes a squeal or grunt whenever something happens. Angelica was an anecdote. She could tell you anything about anyone but put a funny twist on it. She was intelligent but also had a way of her that would spill no ill will unless someone was in danger or in danger of hurting someone else whether it was intentionally or unintentionally. Aaron was a cacophony in his own sense. Any story he told or any lesson he taught made a harsh sound in your head making anyone listening feel disturbed and objectionable but yet you were comfortable around him. Only some were and you were one of them. Finally, James was a walking, talking juxtaposition. He drew parallels between Thomas' belief and the man they all loathed, Alexander Hamilton. He knew that Thomas' beliefs and what he was trying to find in life was more conservative than Alexander's and he knew that their beliefs will never cross one another. But what about you? What were you? In your mind you couldn't identify what you were while everyone else would see your life as a walking tragedy. When you were younger it was a pleasant time that you could never forget. However, when you were about 5 your parents had seemed to go insane when they kept leaving the house at random times. It got worse and worse over time until they would leave you home alone for a week at a time. One night right after Christmas, they left you with your grandparents and never returned. Being only 7 now, you couldn't stop them and even if you would try it would go without avail. On New Years Eve, the police found your parent's car in a ditch. Still locked inside, they seemed to have driven off the road with an over load of hallucinogens in their systems which left you as an orphan in your eyes since living with your grandparents was like living on your own.

                Snapping out of your thoughts, you look back to the screen of your phone. Aaron had responded with a simple 'Hello' while Maria responded with a usual 'Hey' followed by an emoji of her choice. It seemed to be that Angelica and yourself were the only two that had not responded. Unlocking the device, your fingers glide across the screen. Typing your message, you forgot about the new iOS update they had you download.

                "Hey guys!" You respond with a black heart emoji to accompany the message. 'Finally something to match my soul' you thought to yourself before a text appeared in the chat. Angelica, who seemed to be your intellectual twin, wrote what you had just thought. Laughing, you roll your eyes and sigh while reading over the messages flooding the group. Thomas hadn't responded since he started the conversation which was odd. Knowing Thomas has a long and successful background of law in his family, you decided to message him, asking if he could help you study for your Legal Studies class. 

                "Hey, Hey TJ." You text him with a giggle, knowing he would answer right away. As predicted, Thomas' response popped up so quick that it might've been typed already so he was just waiting for your initiation of the conversation.

                "Hey, sweetie. What's going on?" 

                "Can you help me study for my Legal Studies class? I really need help with the final which is in a week. Pleassseeee?" You press send, your pleading nature for help only showed one-fourth of the dread and nervousness that rested in the pit of your stomach. A ding signified his response. Looking at the lit up screen, you smile as you see that he obliged. You two were in a relationship but were both reluctant to tell anyone since he didn't want any rumors and drama that followed him to affect you and your studies. Respecting that, you two would meet under the thought of a study date or a case study. The only people who know about this are Aaron, James, and Angelica. You and Thomas agreed not to tell Maria since she was like most guys around attractive women, they can't keep it in their pants. Well Maria can't keep a secret to herself, take Eliza and Alexander's relationship now? It's under siege since dear Maria tried to throw off their whole course. However, she was intelligent and that's why she is included in your group, to plan out different techniques of studying and remembering items. Heck, she was even there if you needed help at two in the morning. 

                A knock at the door ten minutes later signified that Thomas had arrived. Rushing to open it, you were greeted by Thomas' smiling face and frizzy hair. Hugging him, you smile and close the door behind him. "How've you been?" His smooth voice filled the air as you back up and sit on your bed. The answer was clear but he wanted a more in depth response. "Good, just a bit stressed since finals are this week and I feel like I'm not prepared at all." You groan, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Well did you do your Creative writing insert?" Your eyes widen in shock and fear. The answer was evident, it had completely slipped your mind since you were worried about the bigger finals you had to complete. Thomas shook his head and let out a small chuckle. "Well I know you and so I brought you coffee, fruit, and other items that'll boost your energy and keep you up. Just don't crash, okay?" He pecked your temple and you sighed happily with a nod. "Alright." You agreed, ideas already flowing through your head. 

        It being your last semester in college before you graduate alongside Thomas and your other friends, you decided to write a 'metaphorical' piece if that is appropriate to call your plan. After the few hours of Thomas helping you with studying the specific law cases that were on the study guide the professor politely gifted your class. Whenever you got the case, the case's details, and the outcome correct, Thomas gifted you with a kiss on your lips or temple. When you got anything wrong, Thomas wouldn't 'punish you.' Instead he would encourage you to think deeper than you initially did. As the clock on your wall signified it was midnight, you sigh and shake your boyfriend awake but with no avail. Grabbing the throw off your chair, you throw it on top of Thomas as he slept peacefully. He curly hair was frizzed everywhere and his usually emotion filled face was relaxed which made your stress level lower for the first time in forever. 

        Taking a sip of the coffee you had made to refill the cup that your generous boyfriend gave you, you sit at your desk, your eyes straining as you open a blank document and find the idea that had earlier graced your mind. Typing down your name, the professor's name, the class hour, and the date, you then center the title of your Creative Writing final writing piece.

                                                       Secrets

        Secrets fill dread in the soul and even breaks your sanity. As days, months, and even years pass, the secret of us being together kills me. Secrets from the public create secrets between the two of us. The secret was to keep our relationship unknown but now the secret is that I hate keeping us a secret now. This has been going on for three years now and I can't take it anymore. Every time I see you in public I just want to hug, kiss, and cling to you like we do in private. I'm tired of making up fake study dates just so we can see each other. I just want to show everyone that I am yours and you are mine. You say I am your girl but no one else knows that. I want to be (Y/N) who dates Thomas Jefferson, not (Y/N) who keeps to herself and talks to a small group of people and no one else. Am I going to be a secret forever or is he going to tell people about our three year relationship? After three years of being a secret is enough, I don't want to be a layer of his life that gets over looked by everyone. I don't want my friends to turn a blind eye to our relationship, knowing that it is there but getting thrown into the pain of not being able to tell anyone. 

        Secrets have tormented my life before this. My parents were addicted to drugs but never told their friends, coworkers, or parents and my grandparents never wanted to see me because I reminded them so much of their druggie children that died on a cold winter's day. My huge secret is that I am only comfortable with myself because of my small group of friends. I am myself because James Madison helped me find my inner peace and my happiness no matter how bad the situation. After all this time with trying to find peace with the fact that, until after graduation, we will be a secret to the public eye. I have full trust in him but sometimes I doubt myself. Am I not good enough and that's why he's keeping us a secret or is it truly because of the drama that surrounds him and his family? Secrets should never be told but I just told all of mine.

                As soon as you proof read and correct mistakes that were on your paper, you print it out and place it in a plastic cover with a title page. Shoving that in your bag along with your study guides, you look over to Thomas and sigh. You were already in your sweats and top that you sleep in so you crawl over Thomas and lay in his arms as you yawn once more. The scent of his Adidas cologne and Irish Springs body wash overcame your senses with pleasant memories as you slowly fell asleep. It seemed like he was already deep into R.E.M sleep when you went to bed but by the time your alarm went off in the morning his face was softer but his eyes weren't in the calm and unscrunched look as before. His eyelids were scrunched like he was squeezing them shut. 

        "I know you're awake, you dink." you nudge him with a small laugh as his face lights up with his stunning smile. His chuckle fills the room over yours as he pecks your cheek. Sitting up, you stretch and get up before walking to the wardrobe in your dorm and pulling out a pullover sweatshirt and tattered jeans that had many paint stains on them along with frayed denim at the folded cuff of the leg. Putting the outfit on and barely bothering with your hair or makeup. 

        "Can you throw me a shirt and jeans?" Thomas asks nicely before grabbing his bag that he brought from his room with all of his needed items in it. His notebooks, phone and laptop along with his charger for both his needed devices were tucked away neatly in the bag. Grabbing his favorite shirt and a pair of jeans that were his, you walk to your boyfriend and hand the items to him. Kissing him good morning, you run your hands through his tangled locks which made him wince softly. 

        "You're going to put your hair up right? It's so tangly so it'll be impossible for you to untangle it before we get to class." You remind him, handing him a hairband and the other hair products he left at your dorm. After he got ready, Thomas kissed you and grabbed both his and your's bag. Taking his hand in yours, you headed out of your dorm with all of your needed supplies and keys. Taking a deep breath while walking onto the public grounds, you let go of Thomas' hand and take your bag from him before heading off to the exam hall. 

        A month passes and you get the results from your exams, you had gotten perfect scores. All of your friends were congratulating you by treating you to drinks at a local pub before a steaming Thomas storms through. Pulling you away from the small group and into a private area of the facility, Thomas' brown eyes flicker with emotion. Pulling out the creative writing column that the professor of that class put together, he shoved the crumpled up piece of paper into your face. 

        "Explain this. Why is your writing on the column? Why is it public? Now everyone knows we are dating! You are getting yourself into unnecessary drama!" Thomas' voice was demanding but soft at the same time just to make sure he wasn't causing a scene. Reading the paper that was now in your grip, you laugh and roll your eyes. "So it's my fault? Look at the article over it, mister perfect! You started it all! You blatantly stated that we are dating!" Your voice was angry while your expression was hurt. You were never a sensitive person. You had learned how to bury your emotions but this was shocking and you could never guess this would happen. Tears swelled in your eyes before shoving the paper back in his hands and stormed out. 

        "Whatever, Thomas. Check the facts before you convict someone because that can end up ruining your future and your credit." You spat out before going back to the table, grabbing your purse, and storming back to your dorm with a purpose. You knew he was following you because he had made a ginormous mistake. Calling your name, you rush past the other people in the courtyard as fast as you could before getting into your dorm room and slamming the door loudly before locking it behind you. Laying on your bed, you bury your face into the pillows you still haven't packed yet. Hearing Thomas bang on the door, you curl up on the bed and bring your knees to your chest. A silent sob left your body as you heard him get his key that you gave him out of his pocket and fit it in the keyhole. Unlocking the door, Thomas rushed in and held you close to him.          "(Y/N), I'm sorry for flipping out. I was just afraid at first then I was mad at myself for not realizing you felt so horrible about us being secret for so long. If it was having a negative affect on you, you could have told me. We could've made it public but I was scared you would get overwhelmed by the publicity and drama." Pausing in between his statement, Thomas was now having his own fits of sobs. Holding you tight in his arms, he laced his hands in your hair. "Please never leave me."                  "Don't worry, I never will." 

[unadulteratedrebelrunaway]

DEATH OF A CLOWN

[7/12/18].

Alexander W. Benson II

           A guy is watching the president on television. He doesn't like the man.  After watching for ten minutes he says, "I wished that guy would die."  His neighbor hears him.  Ten minutes later, the SWAT team breaks down his door.  Five minutes later, the man is hauled away in handcuffs.

           During the trial, he tries invoking the First Amendment, but the judge interrupts him.  "The Bill of Rights was instituted to protect the people from a tyrannical government like the British.  A negative comment about the president is a national security issue, even when said in the privacy of one's own home."

           Five years later, he gets out and is walking down the street where a ten year old boy is standing.  As he gets closer, the kid starts smiling at him.  Then the little punk calls him a faggot.  The guy starts to grab the kid, but a cop sees this and intervenes.  The guy tells the officer what the kid said.

           "The kid has a First Amendment Right to call you that," says the cop.  "After all, this is the greatest country in the world because of that."

           "It might be great for him," says the man, "but that mob gathering behind me wants to kill me because now they think I'm a faggot because of what the kid just called me.  His life might be rosy, but mine is ruined."

           "If they give you a beat down," says thee man of the law, "consider that the price you have to pay for living in the greatest country in the world."

           "You're telling me this is the greatest country in the world because that kid has Constitutional protections when it comes to calling me names?" says the man.

           "That's the price you pay," says the officer. "Yes."

           The guy looks over his shoulder at the gathering mob.  They are getting ready to jump him.  Some of them even start yelling names at the guy.

           "What about those guys over there?" says the man.

           "Don't mind them," says the officer.  "They have the right to peacefully assemble, and they also have freedom of expression.  You're not going to infringe on them, are you?"

           "How you know so much about the law?" says the guy.

           "I'm a cop," says he, "so I'm an expert on the law.  Sort of like a lawyer or a judge."

           "I mean how'd you become an expert in the law?" says the man.

           "I had to brief a couple of cases back at a class I took at the community college," says Officer Knowlittle.  "I got a C in that course, so I know more about the law than you ever will."

           "I'm still not cool with those guys," says the guy.

           "That's your problem," says the Officer Knowlittle.  "Like I said, they aren't bothering anybody, and until they do I can't deprive them of certain Constitutional liberties."

           "What if they do something," says the man, "you know, illegal?"

           "If they break the law I'll do something," says the Officer Knowlittle.  "I'm a cop.  Remember?"

           The guy fidgets as he nods and turns to face the mob.  The crowd is blocking his path, so he cuts the other way.  The gangly crew bolts for him and overtake him.  They stab him several times before the cop could stop them. The cop secures the scene but most of the mob gets away.  The cop calls for backup and an ambulance.  The police show up and arrest the few remaining members of the mob. The medics do all they can, but the guy is dead.

           The following week, that same cop is in the chief's office.

           "What is it you want?" says the chief.

           "I want to be rewarded," says Officer Knowlittle.

           "For what?" asks the chief.

           "You remember those fascists who beat that poor felon to death?" says the cop.

           The chief thinks for a minute.  "Wait a minute.  I remember that case.  It was all over the local news.  Let me find it."

           Five minutes later, the chief has the file in front of him.  "Yeah, now I remember.  Are you having trauma from the events that happened that day?  You know, you're a veteran and in this town, things like this happen frequently.  It has a nasty way of catching up with you.  Some of our best men have had nervous breakdowns over these things."

           "No," says Knowlittle.  "Doesn't bother me a bit.  As a matter of fact, I feel great.  No, I just want to get rewarded for my service that day."

           The chief raises his eyebrows.  "Excuse me?"

           "What I did showed bravery and courage in the face of danger," says the cop.  "I would appreciate it if everyone knew it.  That way they know I'm a hero."

           "Recognized for what?" says the chief.

           "Weren't you listening?" says Knowlittle. "I'm a hero.  I arrested those men for killing that guy."

           The chief drops the folder and leans back in his chair.  He folds his arms as he shakes his head at the cop.  "You still remember the guy died, right?"

           "Yes?" says the cop.

           "That guy was put through a living hell," says the chief, "and you let it happen.  How are you a hero?"

           "I made a few arrests," says the cop. "Clearly, I stopped it."

           "You managed to arrest five people," says the chief. "They claimed to be innocent bystanders.  The judge threw their cases out for want of evidence.  Your report claimed there were over two hundred people in that mob.  In all likelihood, the guys responsible got away."

           Officer Knowlittle creases his forehead.  "Aren't you going to give me a medal?  And make sure it gets presented to me in a public ceremony so the whole world can see what a brave little soldier you have on your force."

           "Yes," says the chief.  "I'll present your case to the top brass myself.  I'll get your award.  Consider it an open and shut case.  I'll see to it that you get exactly what you deserve.  I have to warn you.  I'm not a miracle worker."

           "I know you can do it," says the cop.  "I believe in you, sir."  Then the cop salutes like an idiot and says, "Aye aye, captain."

           When he leaves, the chief locks the door right away and walks back to his desk where he pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniel's. "Looks like you're the only sane one around here, Jack.  I know you've kept my sanity through the years, for what it's worth.  Only two more years to retirement."  He pulls out his nine millimeter and lays it next to the bottle.  He reminds himself, that moron is not worth it.  I'd lose my pension along with everything else.  That could include my virginity if I go to jail for that.  He shudders. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. "It seems to get worse every year. The crimes get more violent, and the people I have working for me keep getting dumber.  Two more years.  Only two more years."

 THE END

[amberhopeportfolio]

Chicago Loon

“Lemondrop, we got mail from Daddy today! It’s been a long time since the last one!” Amor waved the envelope in his hand, tracking mud through the house. Lemon was lying on the couch. She wordlessly stood up, grabbed a towel, and began dabbing at the mud in the carpet. Amor dropped his head and apologized, took off his shoes, set them out on the porch and trotted back to his sister. Lemon smiled and pointed at the envelope in his hand, raising her eyebrow. He beamed back up at her.

Lemon usually got the mail but today she forgot.  Amor had found mail form their father a couple times before and frequently asked about more, to which Lemon always responded with a shrug and a smile. It was only ever money. No words and  no return address, just “DAD” written where it was supposed to be. It was his way of apologizing for leaving his kids alone in Chicago. The checks came once a month and just enough to cover rent and a couple day’s worth of groceries. Not nearly enough to survive on.

Amor opened the envelope carefully and hopefully. A check slid to the floor with a sticky note that read, “Sorry it’s not as much this time.” Lemon quickly picked it up before Amor could read it, took it to the kitchen and replaced it with a note she had already made that instead said, “Love you kiddos.” She knew that eventually, when Amor was older she would have to explain that their dad hadn’t been sending his love and that rather, he was a deadbeat, but by then, she would be talking again and thankfully, Amor was only eight and a slow reader. She handed Amor the sticky note she had written and kissed the top of his head.

Amor went to his room and sat at his desk to do his homework and draw a new picture for his sister like he did every day after school. Shortly thereafter, Lemon brought him a juice box and a package of Gushers for his after school snack and went back to the kitchen to start on dinner.

Lemon walked the length of the hallway to Amor’s bedroom countless times a day, longing to ask him about his day and to tell him the origin of his name. She longed to tell him that as her dying wish, their mother had spent a month in Italy with some friends. She was so in love with the place that when she came back, she decided she was in love with their father again, too, and so Amor was, if only for a night, made out of love. When she found out she was pregnant, their father had already started cheating with Beth again, moved out and got eloped. Theresa would walk around rubbing her stomach saying, “Mi Amore! Mi Amore!” My love. My love. The chosen name for Lemon’s little brother was Daniel, but their mother’s first words when she looked at him were breathlessly, “Mi Amore.” Later, when filling out the birth certificate, she wrote Amor Lune and whispered, “my little loon.” Lemon longed to call him her little loon, too, but Lemon wasn't speaking.

    Lemon hadn't spoken for eight years. When she was ten and Amor wasn't even a year old, the cancer finally caught up to their mother, Theresa. Theresa refused to go to the hospital. She insisted on spending as much time with her babies as she could. She didn’t want them to see her hooked up to a bunch of machines, she wanted to die peacefully at home with her children.

She knew she was getting weak, and the night she died, she knew she was going to die. She called Henry, the kids’ father, and told him to pick up the kids in the morning. She locked herself in her bedroom that night and told Lemon, “Baby, it’s time. You keep Mi Amore safe and take him with you to your daddy tomorrow morning when he comes to get you. I’ll be keeping you safe from the next life, sweetie.”  She tied a yellow piece of yarn around Lemon’s ankle, promising her it would keep her safe. Every time it thinned out, Lemon would tie a fresh piece around it, preserving the original piece.

Lemon had believed her, too. She resented her mother for making her think that she could still make sure nothing happened to her even though she was dead. She resented her mother for letting her believe things about death that just weren’t true. She missed her more than she resented her, but she resented her for leaving her and Amor in danger nonetheless.

It didn’t even take a whole month of living with her dad and stepmother before Beth started coming into Lemon’s room at night. Henry would go out drinking with the guys after work and wouldn’t come back until late. So Beth was left in charge and she was lonely and unstable.

Lemon was ten and Amor wasn’t even a year old yet so Lemon would rock him to sleep and sing him lullabies and put him to bed before going into her own room across the hall.

The first time, Beth brought her fresh baked cookies and told her it was their little secret, “I’ll give you what you want if you give me what I want, little Lemon, girl. Your daddy doesn’t get  cookies because he’s been bad but you have been very very good. You can get more cookies tomorrow night if you be good for me tonight.”

And so it went. Lemon would get cookies if she let Beth touch her any way she wanted to as long as she didn’t tell anyone. She tried once. She tried to tell her dad because she asked her best friend at school, who also had a stepmother, if she gave her cookies at nighttime,too. When her friend said no, she didn’t even have to tell her about the touching for Lemon to know that something was wrong. Beth convinced Henry that Lemon was lying because she just wanted him to tuck her in at night and that was the end of it. That night in Lemon’s room, Beth made her hurt and bleed and it only got worse from there. Lemon hasn’t said anything to anyone since.

Lemon didn’t say anything four years later when Henry came home early, fired, and found Beth doing the same thing to Amor as she did to Lemon. She didn’t say anything when Henry beat Beth and kicked her out. She didn’t say anything when he changed the locks so she couldn’t get back in and she didn’t say anything when she woke up one morning less than a month later and her dad wasn’t there. She just went out, silently got a job washing dishes at the local diner, dropped Amor off at daycare, dropped out of school, and assumed all of her dad’s responsibilities much more responsibly than he.

Four years later, Lemon was paying all the bills except for rent, taking Amor to school in the mornings and working at the diner until he got home. She got the mail every day so she would be the only one to find the checks from her dad. She didn’t want Amor to get his hopes up, ever. She hated her dad for not listening to her when she tried to tell him about Beth. She hated him for letting it go on for four years when all it took was once with Amor to kick Beth out. She didn’t want to instill hatred in Amor, but she didn’t want to instill hope, either. She took care of him the best she could.

The night Amor found the mail from Henry, he sat by Lemon’s bed in the rocking chair like he did every night and read her a story about a princess that slayed dragons. He wore a cape and acted out different parts of the book. When he finished the story he kissed both of her cheeks like he always did, turned on the nightlight like he always did and said, “Goodnight, Lemondrop, I love you,” like he always did.

Tonight, Lemon smiled and said, “I love you too.”