#leo idiot wars

[fatherdmitri]

my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with 19th century russian literature character

[awhitewomansinstagram]

Getting on antidepressants and realizing I probably shouldn’t relate that much to Russian literature has to be the funniest consequence of my meds

[redvelvetwishtree]

There are people on Instagram's book reading community demanding creators don't show books by Russian authors and telling everyone to throw such books away ... ...like ??? How do their brains work? Why are western people sooo sure of their political correctness and shove it down aggressively down others' throats? Everyone can decide on their own what they want to do or not. It is always the western people policing and bullying everyone.

Also, ma'am, when are you throwing away all your American and British literature? Lemme know when please.

[henrysfedora]

i remember hearing that leo was a bookmaker from the inmates in chapter six but i never actually knew what those were (or what they really meant) until today and now i find it really amusing to picture young leo being a little smug smart ass with his stupid fucking plans and deals and it's been going so well for him until '43. i wonder what happened.

[thegirlwholeftthefridgeopen]

gonna buy this for myself...

[abbeyofcyn]

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles AUs

New! Merch

Phantom Pain

Donnie was finally back to normal. At least.... he was no longer feral. But months of being infected takes its toll and Leo has lost a lot to get him back. It's not easy having two idiots who can't deal with emotions as brothers for Mikey.

Start reading here

Hiatus

CW: nightmares, amputation

Tags: #phantom pain comic

Krang infection sequel

We're not Kappa!

When a rat turns a 1000 years old they become a Kyūsu. They grow large like a cat and have been known to take care of orphan kittens, but this old rat found four turtles in strange green ooze. The Kyūsu did not expect the second physical change in his long life nor did he expect to raise four not-quite kappa in modern Japan.

Tag: #we're not kappa! au

CW: none

Wretched Little Pests

Draxum, Splinter, April. All dead. Shredder won, the Krang won. The brothers must survive and will fight to protect each other no matter the cost.

Collaboration AU

Read the comics here

CW: death, injuries, murder, savage mode

Tag: #wretched little pests au

Krang Infection

Two years after the invasion, Donnie feels sick and his gut instinct tells him it's very different from the rat flu.

Start reading here

Completed

CW: minor body horror, implied amputation, non graphic brain surgery

Tags: #krangified Donnie #Krang infection comic

False Memory

All the brothers have had nightmares from the Apocalypse pop up and ruining their sleep. Casey confirmed that what they've dreamt actually happened to their counterparts in his timeline. They refer to it as 'false memories'. Leo wakes up to the worst 'memory' he's had thus far.

Start reading here

Completed

CW: death

Brains and Brawn Apocalypse

Donnie and Raph lost their brothers during the apocalypse when they were only in their twenties. Now, in their thirties, there's not much hope left for them to win this war.

Several one shots: overview

Completed

CW: death

Great, what's next...

A poll based adventure with Donnie as the main character

Start reading here

Discontinued

CW: none

[demigod-shenanigans]

Anyway have some Leo and Esperanza thoughts set in a universe where she’s alive:

-Definitely knew Leo was bi before he told her. This kid is not able to be subtle about his crushes ever 

-She was the first person Leo ever came out to. Just hugged him for ages and kissed his head and told him he’s perfect exactly how he is and she’s always going to love him no matter what 

-They Iris message almost daily when Leo first gets to camp. He’s so excited when he makes his first friend and gets to introduce her to Piper. Leo and Piper met in this universe because they were the oldest out of the kids claimed right after the Titan war and arrived at camp at the same time and they just clicked immediately 

-Let’s say in this universe Gaia doesn’t wake and Leo and Piper just sort of find an injured Jason on a mission by coincidence (make that “coincidence” because someone (Juno) decided it was time to mend the rift between camps and having CHB nurse one of the Camp Jupiter praetors then return him to his own camp unharmed was a good starting point)

-Jason stays at CHB for a while for diplomatic reasons and they properly become friends

-Esperanza definitely side-eyes Jason when he visits them for the first time because at first glance he gives off similar vibes to some of the football player kids who’ve bullied Leo before and she is Concerned but Jason withers so fast under her gaze that she ends up concerned for a completely different reason 

-Jason scrambles to try and tell her all the reasons why he thinks Leo is the most incredible person ever actually and yeah it turns out she really likes this kid (though she’s starting to get increasingly worried about what his home life looks like if some light glaring has him this rattled)

-He loves her cooking (but not as much as Leo’s. He’d never tell her that though)

-She doesn’t push Jason to talk about his home life or family but makes it very clear that he’s free to stay over whenever he wants. Fundamental mom instinct to wrap that boy in a blanket and make him hot cocoa.

-Esperanza is Jason’s first encounter with an adult that’s genuinely kind and caring towards him and he’s really really shocked about it. Like worrying amounts. He needs her to like him or he Will Die actually, especially because that’s Leo’s mom

-Esperanza definitely picks up on the vibes between Jason and Leo before Jason and Leo do. This isn’t even her being especially perceptive they’re just incredibly obvious and also idiots (I say this with affection)

-One summer Leo Iris messages his mom randomly in the middle of the day beaming but will not tell her what’s up. For like fifteen minutes he’s just smiling and fidgeting away talking about a whole bunch of nothing at all until she grins and asks “did you finally ask Jason out” and Leo just looks at her gobsmacked because he has no idea how she could have possibly figured that one out

-Jason tries to learn Spanish in parts to impress her and he is So Bad At It at first. She thinks it’s really sweet and is very encouraging (unlike Leo who just makes fun of his boyfriend for his shit pronunciation)

[echo-stimmingrose]

Jason: *getting dressed up for a date, looking absolutely horrendous*

Nico: No absolutely not! You have no fashion sense, I'm taking you shopping.

Thalia: Um no! You are not taking him shopping! We don't need him looking like you!

Nico: Like me??? I look like you!!!

Thalia: Exactly! We already have two emo kids, that's enough!

Percy: Plus he's a fucking nerd and could not pull that look off.

Jason: I'm right here!

Percy: Hush Jason, the adults are talking!

Jason: Adults?!? Nico is younger than me!

Nico: Okay, but am I?

Jason: I-I uh YES!!!

Nico: I have the back pain of a seventy year old man that says otherwise!

Thalia: Guys! Back to the point! Finding Jason something to wear that doesn't look like he's never dressed himself before. No offense.

Jason: Hey-!

Percy: Hush! We are trying to make sure you don't make a fool of yourself!

Jason: I hate it here.

Thalia: You're one to talk, Percy! I've literally never seen you in any thing other than jeans and a camp half blood shirt.

Nico: And it's always dirty.

Percy: At least I don't look like Hot Topic threw up on me!

Thalia: Don't you dare disrespect Hot Topic like that! You still own a CHB tee that's literally cut in half it's a crop top!

Percy: So? It still fits!

Nico: The sad part is he actually looks pretty good in a crop top.

Percy: Thank you!

Jason: Guys...?

Thalia: I could pull off a crop top way better than you!

Percy: You could not!

Jason: Guys.

Thalia: Wanna bet on that kelp man?

Jason: Guys!!!!

Nico, Thalia, and Percy: *Stops arguing and turns to him*

Jason: I still need help!

Thalia: Sorry bud, we'll find you something that looks good and something you like.

Jason: It's not just that.....

Nico: What?

Jason: I've never been on a date before... I don't know what to expect....

Thalia: Okay... Um....

Jason: What?

Thalia: Well...I mean, I've never been on a date either, I was a tree at twelve then a hunter of Artemis almost immediately after.

Jason:.... Nico.....?

Nico: I got nothing for you.

Thalia: Holy shit, does Percy have the most dating experience out of all of us???

Jason: That's just sad to be honest.

Percy: I will have you know, Annabeth and I are very happy thank you very much!

Nico: It took you guys what? Five years to admit you liked each other?

Percy: How's Will, Nico?

Nico: *glowering* Shut up.

Percy: Look Jason, we all know you two like each other and this date was a long time coming. It is easier said than done, but you need to relax, you don't want to go into a date acting like there's a stick up your ass.

Jason: Jee thanks.

Percy: I'm just saying, you already know that you enjoy spending time with him, this is just spending time with him with a little extra.

Jason: Thank you, I just don't like being unprepared.

Percy: Which makes sense.

Nico: But let's be honest here, this is a date with Leo, no one could prepare for whatever he may have in store.

Jason: *laughs a little* Yeah, it just feels stupid. I've fought in literal wars but I'm this nervous over a date?

Thalia: Hey don't call yourself stupid, this is new for you. You are allowed to be nervous as long as you don't let that anxiety take over.

Percy: Exactly. Plus a date is way different than the battlefield. Most of the time you aren't fighting for your life.

Nico: But you may want to bring a fire extinguisher for this one.

Thalia: It will go just fine. And if he fucks up I'll strike him with lighting.

Jason: Um... please don't.

Nico: And if you're worried about whether or not you both like each other just know you two made it so obvious even Percy figured it out.

Percy: What's that supposed to mean?

Nico: point proven.

Thalia: Plus you two admitted your feelings within a year of knowing each other so you're already doing better than these two idiots *points to Percy and Nico*

Jason: It does make me feel better knowing I'm doing better than Percy.

Percy: *smiling* Watch it, Grace, you're a couple words away from having that date underwater.

Jason: *laughs softly*

Thalia: *hugs him* you've got this bud, now come on let's go find you something other than whatever the hell it is you're wearing.

[normal-internet-user]

Tis I, 💜

I think my request got eaten maybe? But I just wanted to request the 2012 turtles with an adoptive human!older sister reader, who is very good at being a sister to each of the brothers unique needs. Example :

Skateboarding /being silly with Mikey (but not so much the others, baby brother privilege lmao)

Sparring /rough housing with Raph

Serious training / meditation with Leo

And actually helping Donnie or listening to him when he goes on his rants? Instead of making fun of him she gives him encouragement ?

And of coarse a cute lil bit with splinter wouldn’t upset me :) but whatever you can do with this! I don’t wanna ask too much. Hope you are doing well, love ya 💜

OMG hi Purple! Haven't heard from you in forever friend! Love the prompt, this is gonna be great!

2012 BOYS WITH A BIG SIS READER

When Splinter took you in, he was still a new father, the boys were still just tots and you were only around 4.

He'd found you lost and alone in the sewers, how you had even gotten there, he had no clue, but after discovering a note in your coat pocket asking for someone to care for you, he decided he would.

He raised alongside the boys, and there was never an issue.

You got along well with each of them and all four looked up to you as much as they did to him.

Splinter trained you in ninja arts, and you were patroling by fifteen.

By around that time, the boys had started their training, and Splinter often had you help him teach the boys.

You were Ane-chan to the boys, (Older sister, if it's wrong feel free to tell me.), And you always made sure to spend time with all of them growing up.

You'd make sure Donnie slept, and sit with him while he worked, and he appreciated how much you cared.

You'd let Raph vent to you, and you would rough house around alot, obviously he's a bit stronger than you naturally, so even if you won, it was usually sporting a few new bruises. He would always feel bad about it, but don't worry Red, Ane-chan can handle a few bruises.

You meditated often with Leo, and always listened when he info dumped about Space Heros. He always went to you if he struggled in training since he knew you'd do your best to actually help him.

You reserved all that pent up silly for Mikey, prank wars, staying up late with video games and moutain dew.

Honestly, I thinked you would have a moment like Po, where you find out you're adopted, and your just like,

"WHAT?"

Then you're talking to April and Casey about it like, "So, I just found my dad isn't really my dad."

Casey: "Your dad... the rat?"

*Nod*

Casey: "Are you-"

April: "That must have been quite difficult."

Moving back abit, when the Foot and Kraang start borderline harrassing the boys,

You're just about go kick Shredder's ass yourself,

Ain't nobody gonna mess with your Kyoudai. (Little brothers).

Obviously Splinter tells you to cool it,

But after that you go with the boys everywhere you can.

You never take away Leo's role as the leader but rather offer yourself up as the voice of reason and peace among the team.

You do your best to make sure arguments are settled in a healthy way,

While also trying to keep those idiots from getting themselves killed.

The first time you faced Shredder he was like, "Wtf how the hell did Yoshi aquire you? And why?"

You almost succeded in kicking his ass,

Emphasis on almost,

You got your fucking leg fractured.

You had to stay in a hospital up top for a while.

Ahem-

Obviously it would have been hard for Splinter to send you to school,

So growing up he just homeschooled you to the best of his ability, and you actually homeschooled the boys.

So when April and Casey show up, April let's you know it's possible to get a highschool diploma online.

You're all like, "Hell yeah, let's do this."

But then, ya know,

Highschool.

Splinter taught you how to cook, and you were the designated chef of the household, (Even if it was just algea)

Eventually, you taugh Mikey, so now you guys share the kitchen.

Now about that wholesome moment with Splinter,

I have a little drabble thought.

So, imagine you're around 13, and your job is to watch the boys and make sure they don't hurt themselves or anything.

For some more context the boys are around 9.

So, anyway,

Splinter is out, and you're babysitting.

The boys are wrestling, which isn't too unusual, they do that alot ya know?

But, someone's foot lands were it shouldn't, and now Donnie's wrist is swelling and all four of them are crying.

You panic, you pick up Donnie and bring him to the kitchen and put some ice in his wrist.

After that, you move back to the living room, and do your best to calm evryone down.

Now, Splinter knew he could hear anything happening for quite a distance, so when he hears crying and your panicked voice, he instantly made his way home.

He ran in, expecting the worst, and was relieved to find no one was mortaly injured.

After you told him what happened, he calmed you and the boys, and after checking Donnie's wrist, he put the boys to bed.

The entire time, you sat on the couch, waiting for Splinter to come and scold you. You felt guilty and ashamed.

After all, Donnie got hurt on your watch.

It was your fault.

Splinter sat next to you, and you curled into yourself with tears running down your face, "Is Donnie gonna be ok?" you sniffled.

Splinter put a gentle hand on your shoulder, "He'll be fine, my dear."

You wiped your eyes with your sleeve, "I'm sorry, Father. I- I messed up, and then Donnie got hurt and I didn't know what do to-"

"Hey, hey. It was not your fault. Accidents happen. What is important is to learn how to prevent the same accident from happening again."

"B-but-"

"Ah, ah. No buts. It was not your fault. Now go tell your brothers goodnight. And then we can read stories." You nodded, smiling softly as Splinter pulled you in for a hug.

You wiped your eyes and entered the boys' shared room.

Mikey shot up from his bed, "(Name)!"

You shushed him, tucking him back in, and giving him a kiss on the forhead, "Quiet down, Angelo. It's bedtime."

He huffed, and you moved around the room, making sure each of your brother was tuckes in nice and warm.

As you moved to leave, there was a soft chorus of, "Goodnight, Ane-Chan."

You turned and smiled, "Goodnight little brothers."

....................................

Whoops, got a little carried away with this one lol!

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Tracklist:

40 Years Super Hot Body Ready for Party • Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra and Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Fart Song • Butterflies Scared My Cat When I Was Burping in Your Face on Wednesday Morning • Drunk Log out with Spooky Music Settings on My Firm Tits Pictures • Grandpa Says Fuck While Grandma Screams What Repeated Several Times • Grumpy Trumpy Python Toddler Taxi with False News and Emotions • Hugging Blood Thirsty Vampires with a Transylvanian Accent and Slapped Butts • I Farted as an Official Statement Against Global Warming, Expressing My Worries! • I’m Handsome When Wearing a Bag on My Head, Said the Horny Motherfuckers Politely • Is That Cellulite or Just Your Ugly Face? • Kindergarten Farting Fanfare Discussed with Disgusting Asian Clay Warriors Terracotta Song • Leaking Ladies Xylophone Solo Learning with Lusty Lashes Song • Lisping on Penis Peyote Creaking Mirth Radio, Let’s Lisp! Song • Lowering My Filthy Boobs to the Height of Your Curly Chest Hair with Freckles • Mom’s Cleaning Closet Looks Like a Women’s Porn Stash • My Gay Expense Combination Password Gore Seeking Battle Was Sinning • My Hangover Got Hung over by a Hung Guy from Hungary • My Horoscope Sign Is Poop and Yours Is Farts • Nearly Touching Myself with Your Girlfriend’s Hands While Doing the Dishes • Peeing a Farting Swearing Shouting and Pooping in Different Languages Made Me Famous Song • Petite Girls Liked My Fat Farts in Skinny Jeans with Justice • Pooping a Masterpiece in the Little Boys Room on National TV Broadcast • Puerto Del Penis Summer Holiday with Topless Sun Bathing and Surfing Fun • Puking Girls Are Holding Each Others Hair While Selling Butter to Pregnant Vomiting Men • Real Sharks Was a Great Accessory for My Swimming Pool Party Massacre • Relaxing Music for Penis Boys and Vagina Girls, I Have Money Cash, Yes! • Rescuing My Penis from Your Vagina at the Last Minute, Whoah! • Scary Music and Naked Ladies Cemetery Collection Flickering Through Growth • Shaking Sausages in the Men’s Room and Dangling Coconuts • Short Temper Anus Removal with Lipstick on the Collar • Shouting Poopers to Girls While a Crying Man Is Pooping Poop, How Adorable Screaming Babies Are! • Silly Talking Childish Macho Man Thanking Prayers for God’s Food Yes Hello! • Skinny Bitch, Fat Bitch, Rich Bitch, Poor Bitch, All Bitches Poop! • Smelling That Pussy in the Air at the Private Night Club Farting Room • Smudging Chocolate over the Toilet, So Everyone Would Think I Pooped • Sneaking Beans into Your Butthole While U Talk to a Handsome Stranger • Snuggling in Satan’s Satin Sheets with Shattered Dreams and No Boner Song • Solitary Fighting My Big Toe with the Desolate Strangler • Spoiling Desert by Pulling Your Finger Thirteen Times in a Row • Strolling with Morning Wood in the Woods While Mourning to This Song • Stutter and Chinese Food Destroyed My Artwork in the Toilet Bowl Coffee Shop • Sunny Morning Boner at the Beach Gym Towel Rental Song • Surprisingly Soft Boobs on the Milf Statue in the Garden of Jugs, Oh It Was Your Mom Sorry! •

Taming My Daughter’s Boyfriend with Booze and Fists of Agony • Teleporting My Cock to the Urinals Hurts When Peeing Penis Action • That Penis Is Not Mine, Stop Accusing Me of Curing Your Cancer! What • The Brothel Cup Cake Dispenser Had a Variety of Chocolate Brownies Too • The Giggling Killer Was Invited for Tea and Mustard with a Former Laughing Idiot • The Headache Fuckers with Migraine Were Chopping Fucking Painkillers • The Itchy Vampire Vagina Was a Gothic Curse from Medieval Times Song • The Lying Bitch Hermit Ducking Group Was Insisting on Bitch Slaps • The Penis Teens Shouting Squad Declared War on the Vagina Milfs Departure • The Pussy Cock Was Meowing and Cock-a-Doodle-Dooing with Glance • The Singing Orgy Group Remembered My Fancy Birthday Party, Super! • The Sock on My Penis Shook the Genuine Spokesman While Crying Song • The Syphilis Motown Singers Were Blowing Deranged Adultery at Me Song • The Toy Collector’s Mature Attitude Otter Raised Homeland Security Breach • The Triangle of Pussy and Clipping Smoothies Burping Smootch • Typical Asian Food Poured into the Purse of an European Hooker Prostitute Igloo • Under Water Farting Wiz Nick Y Minaj Naked Twerking Shower Saloon Barf Thong • Updating My Profile Picture While Pooping Macaroni with Japanese Subtitles • Using Mother´s Panther Underwear Because of Broken Shopping Bag to the Store • Washing Hamburgers with Dirty Sauce in Leather Pants While Howling • What Ugly Shit on Your Finger! Oh, It’s Your Wedding Ring? It’s Very Nice! • Whistling and Farting a Heavenly Polyphonic Song for Dying Virgins • Violin Licking Sounds by a Hard Baritone Dick Song Licker • Young Girls Selling Old Men´s Boxers in Thongs with Soulful Tutti-Frutti • Your Butthole Swallowed My Telephone, Will It Come out from the Mouth Then? • Your Mom´s Butt Massage Seems Innocent at First, Before Handing out Religious Leaflets

Spotify ♪ Youtube

[pain-is-too-tired]

hi, kinda random but what's your fav valgrace headcanon?

I'm having a slight half fixation on them rn (if that made any sense) and I'm interested lol

<3

Both are aspec

Demi-Gray Leo and Nebularomanic Jason(also,Apagender Jason has my heart as well but that's a different thing dhdh)

Leo fell first but Jason fell harder.

So hard actually. He has it so bad 😭

Jason just a lovesick puppy, Leo doesn't know how to feel about how affectionate Jason is. Especially cause it took forever for Jason to really figure out "okay yeah... this is a crush."

He just thought he just had very strong platonic feelings for Leo. The poor guy is pretty affectionate with everyone after all, so he doesn't really think much on the fact he was a bit more affectionate with Leo fdgdg

Leo figured out he had a crush on Jason not too long before the Argo II was finished, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship,especially with Piper and Jason dating at the time, and he wasn't sure about coming out either so he just pushed down his feelings.

After the giant war Leo struggles even more with burying his feelings, and he goes to Jake since he's both his brother and the only one he could talk to who didn't have some connection with Jason as well.

Jason goes to Nico first, but at some point ends up telling Piper as well. And it ends up with Nico,Will and Piper trying help this poor boy with one of his many identity crises.

Leo also ends up telling Will at some point (I hc they're best friends cause why not) and Will doesn't tell anyone but immediately is now doubley playing wingman for the two idiots.

That and helps sympathize with Leo having to deal with the obliviousness of a son of the Big 3.

"I was pinning for like 3 years before Nico took notice. You gotta be more obvious dude."

"Damn it."

Them being disasters my beloved.

Also. 4'11 Leo and 6 ft tall Jason because I'm a sucker for height difference (there's a reason two my top ships is them and Masonyew. Ftgdg)

[mrabubu]

HmHmHmHmHm...

I have some thoughts on that too, yeah.

So, I think it's all still depends on Y/N's personality overall. Because you can be a one-liner like Leo, but still have a different or opposite personality to his. This one is more like about taste in humor, I guess?

But yeah, I think his brain would short circuit the moment Y/N would use his own weapon against him or overall, and especially he would explode if their jokes are better than his. That would be the beginning of a war between them, to obliterate one another with their pickup lines and prove who's better. But in the end I imagine them becoming BFF's who are sometimes joke at one another just for laughs. I also have this idea when you call your friend and idiot, and you just laugh, but if SOMEONE ELSE calls your friend an idiot, you go into demon's mode "ONLY I CAN CALL THEM THAT". Something like that.

In terms of romance I'm going to return to my statement about how it depends on your personality overall.

If there's something I'm certain in, is that the romance between Leo and someone who has basically the same personality and mindset would either died down pretty quickly, or wouldn't work in the first place. "Opposite attract" phrase didn't come out of a thin air, because they feed each other. Opposite or just different people help discover some new traits in one another, keep each other in balance, help dealing with challenges they wouldn't be able to deal with by themselves and all that jazz.

Plus it's just overall much more interesting to watch this kind of a dynamic rather than watch two clones trying to be a couple and failing miserably.

@theanonymousninja247

[freddie-77-ao3]

Percy Jackson-esque Chapter Titles for a fic i'm writing:

We have friends in holy places (and unholy- Hello Lady Hera!)

What’s Up, Random Person, We’re Kidnapping and Adopting You

Yeah, The Beach Is Nice- Thank You For Not Drowning Us

Hazel Was Dead and Still Knows More Than You

Thank Fuck For The Egyptian- How the Hell Did We End Up In Great Britain

Annabeth Is Obsessed and Bianca Is Possessed- There Goes Christmas

Question Of Our Lives and Today Especially: What The Hell Is Going On?!

Now Would Be A Good Time To Be Anyone Else

Call The Police Because We May Have Just Murdered A Mortal

Ask And You Shall Receive… Sometime In The Next Twenty Years Probably

A Guinea Pig, A Dandelion, A Pine Tree, An Olive Tree and Two Embarrassed Girls Walk Into A Bar  

Satan Or Santa? Neither Should Exist And Yet Somehow They’re Both Knocking On Our Tent Door

A Slight Reprieve From The Last Chapter: Connor Comes For You With The Question ‘Do Tents Have Doors?’

And We’re Back, Why Did You Guys Think Our R&R Would Last Long?

Sugar, Spice, Almost Dying Twice (Today)

Would You Put ‘Cheating Death Almost Daily’ Under Experience Or Special Skills?

An Inspirational Trip Through Hell- Persephone Makes Good Brownies

Those Commercials Where People Screw Up The Most Basic Of Tasks In The Most Idiotic Fashion Ever Describes The Current Situation

As The Prophecy Foretold (We Made It Up, But It Came True)

Living Normally? In This Economy?

And Then The Wolves Came… Sike (Thank Fuck)

The Snails Paced Chocolate Bunny Gives Mixed Messages But Good Cereal

What The Hades Is Going On, Someone Explain

Apparently Exploding A Volcano Makes Us 'Irresponsible’

Why Are Cats So Vengeful 

Oh Look! An Unhelpful Old Person!

The Adults Are More Annoying Than Leo Valdez and Nico Di Angelo Put Together

They Scream For Ice Cream, I Scream For Sanity

McDonald’s And Raising The Dead- Tuesday Never Looked So Good

Unfortunately, I’m Still Not Dead Or A Dolphin (Not For Lack Of Effort)

Eggs Apparently Don’t Like Being Lost At Sea

I’m Packing Up My Crayons And Leaving

Viva La Pluto, Fuck You Guys

A Guide To Giving Up

Hopefully We Can Do This Without Dying This Time

Lady Dirt Face Fucks Us Over- Apparently Today CAN Get Worse

Apparently The Horse Is A God, And Honestly, Fuck The World- But Not You Potty Sludge

If Love Is In The Air Then We’re Wearing Gas Masks- How We Almost Started A War On Accident

If Love Is An Open Door We Should Close It- Aphrodite And Cupid Both Suck

Vegan Ice Cream Sandwiches For One

I Call Shotgun (Said The Invisible Girl  and The Literal Ghost)

I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, I’ll Fuck My Way Out Of It

Things Go Horribly Wrong (Or Horribly Right? It’s Hard To Tell At This Point)

The Fine Art Of Bullshit

We Are Being Hunted And Killed (Why Is This Normal And How Can We Stop It?)

Previously On ‘The Chaos Chronicles”

Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool. Actually It’s Not- Who Lit Katie’s Hair On Fire?!

I’d Like To Say This Is Shocking, But That Would Just Be A Lie

One Hundred And One Monsters, And Twenty Times A Therapist Was Needed

I Am Honestly Surprised That We Are Still Alive, And Apparently So Are The Gods

You Will Never Be A God

Blackmail Only Works If I Care

An Offer I Can Definitely Refuse

Hush Little Baby, Don’t You Cry, You’ll Give Away Our Location, And Then We’ll Die

Only Come Back With Back Up Or A Burger- Maybe Donuts

Doomsday Or Not, Let Me Go Back To Bed, I Haven’t Slept In A Week And I Don’t Care

Practise Doesn’t Make Perfect, Practise Makes A Forest Fire And A Flood

Sea Foam Speaks and A New Person Shatters My Dreams

The Labyrinth Apparently Doesn’t Murder The Already Dead, So Can We Just Die Already?

For A Moment I Forgot Gravity, And As It Seems So Did The Sky, Which Is Good Because I’d Hate To Die Before Breakfast

And God Told Us To Run A Marathon- What Happened To Normal Executions?

At Some Point The Universe Just Needs To Kill Us

There Is Not Enough Faith For This, 

No Words Can Explain Dan, The God Of Moths and Accidental Demon Summoning 

 The Endless and Mysterious Ocean Becomes A Bit Less So, And I Should Have Paid For Diving Lessons

If Best Plus Bitter Equal Better, Then I Am Way Better Than Everyone

Firecrackers And Actual Crackers- Where Is The Cheese

He Likes Art. Terrible Art, But Still Art So I Suppose I’ll Forgive The Sword Through My Head

Hazel Drives Worse Than Thalia Which Says A Lot Because Thalia Crashed Into A Lake- Oh Wait

What Do You Do When The World Almost Ends- And No Nico, The Answer Isn’t Go To McDonalds

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen (Just Like Me)

Can I Rewrite My Life Story, Because If So I’m Starting With This

I Wasn’t Prepared For Parenthood When I Stopped A Kidnapping, I’m Seven

Patting My Own Back, No One Appreciates Me, Fuck This And Really The Rest Of My Life

Apparently Dying Is Not An Excuse For Being Late, So Fuck You Too 

Buying Happy Meals For The Dead Isn’t An Excuse For Being Late

Caped God? I Was Hoping You Had Said Cape Cod

Incoherent Screaming Is Our Theme Song, And I Feel A New Episode On

Who Told Apollo He Could Give Us Presents, Because MCR Is Not A Proper Wake Up Call

It’s Jesus Who Ruined Our Lives This Time, Folks

Don’t Awaken The Ancient One, She Has Anxiety

I Did Not Know That Could Kill Someone, But You Learn Something New Every Day

The Gods Themselves Want Me Dead, You’re Not Special, Todd

Doritos And Death, A How To On Properly Waking And Raising The Dead Featuring A Trip To Alaska

What Was I Thinking? I’m Pretty Certain I Wasn’t

News To No One: The Previously Dead Can’t Drive

I Really Hate Saving The World Actually

How Many Times Is That Threat Going To Work Considering It’s Not Serious? A Surprising Number

Everyone Asks Who We Are, Not How We Are, And Honestly I’m Pretty Hungry

The Gods Hate Me And I Don’t Know Why (I Do Know Why, But I Don’t Care, And Honestly They Shouldn’t Either)

 Which Circle Of Hell Are We In Now, Because I Was Not Planning On A Field Trip To Tartarus

We Master The Elements (Some Of Them- We Also Torch And Flood New England)

In Which We Almost Die Again And No One Bats An Eye

 Our Lives Would Be Incredibly Saddening If We Could Sit Down And Look At Them, But Leo Burned Our Chairs 

The Houseplants Try To Eat Us, And Katie Gets Mad

We Babysit For A God, And Then Adopt His Kids- Surprisingly He’s Fine With This

Dreams Do Come True And That Is Absolutely Not A Good Thing

There Goes My Best Bargaining Chip (Oh And Also His Head)

A Series Of Horrible Decisions- Who Decided I Was The Leader

Hylla, Please Don’t Leave Us- Oh, You Can Give Us A Box Of Cereal? Nevermind 

Sunshine And Rainbows Are Meant To Mean Happiness Not War- Iris and Apollo Destroy Things

Please Don’t Hit Me With Another Brick

We Were Happy And Then There Was A Giant Pigeon

Oh My Holy Fucking Shit That Was Not The Right Lever

In Which Swimming With Sharks Almost Leads To Death And Yet Saves Our Lives

There Is No Highway To Hell As It Turns Out, Only Backroads, And Now Nico And Thalia Are Disappointed

And Then The Sky Almost Crushed Us Because It Fell And Honestly I’m Never Trusting You Again

There Goes Normal Society, Say Bye-Bye, Miranda 

Are We Supposed To Live Through This?

The Dick Who Hands Out Toothbrushes Also Assigns Us A Death Quest And This Is Why We Don’t Celebrate Holidays

Sorry For Cursing You Out, Please Fix My Life

The Plan Checks Out- We Can Do This! (Spoiler Alert- We Can’t)

Three Hundred And Sixty Five Times We Can Say Fuck In A Hour

Please Let Me Pass Out On Your Lawn

Apparently Yelling Fuck At The Sky Is Considered ‘Disrespectful’ And I Haven’t A Fucking Clue Why

Yes Sir, That Is A Lot Of Blood, And No Sir, She Doesn’t Need That Leg

That One Time We Accidentally End Up In The Slaughter Sea, And How That Manages To End Up With A New Leader Of The Amazon Empire And Thalia Gets A Girlfriend

Yes, I’m Aware I Look Gay, Thank You Very Much, I’m Here To Be Queer

This Person Is Nico di Angelo With Less Shits To Give, And Honestly That Scares Me

A Good Idea With Bad Results And A Bad Idea With Surprising Results- The Ending Will Astound You

Never Thought I’d Literally Be Shut In The Closet Again, But Life’s Full Of Surprises

One Million Pounds Of Oranges And Sadness, Sixty Thousand Pounds Of Mangos, And A Truck Full Of Happiness- Monsters Not Welcome

Who Packed The Blueberry Muffins?

Nevertheless She Persisted, And Yet Just Like That, She Gave Up

What The Hell Is This, What The Hell Is That, Why The Hell Am I Here, What The Hell, *Moonwalks Into Hell*: A Brief Summary Of Life

All Is Fair In Being The First One In The Shower

We Accidentally Summon An Army Of Lost Souls

All Our Nightmares Come True And We Prove We’re Idiots

Life Gave ‘Lia Lemons. She Squeezed Them In My Eyes. Please No More Lemons.

Trying To Play Nice To The Gods Never Ends Well. In Other Words, Percy Is An Olive Tree

What’s Happening? I’m Digging My Own Grave, That’s What

Finger Guns, Peace Signs, and Middle Fingers To Nowhere- Home At Last

In Jason’s Defense, He Tried, But The Dragon Was More Interesting

Keeping A Family Alive Can Be Difficult, Especially With No Education and More Monsters A Day Than Cash (Twenty Dollars)

Thalia Tries To Sing Over Annabeth And Percy Arguing And All That Happens Is A Noise Complaint

At This Point, Murder Is Less Of A Passing Thought And More Of An ‘It’s Only A Matter Of Time’

Cousin Bonding Time Doesn’t Usually Include The Gods, But There Are Burgers So…

According To The Crazy Titan Lord Kronos, Asking If A Newborn Looks Like A Rock Is A Question That Will Result In The Death Of The Asker

Oh Joy, I’m Facing Scrutiny Over My Love Life From Immortal Preteens

Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When Your Parents Run The Universe Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When There’s A Vote To Kill Us (Leo stop using Jazz hands!)

We Have The Worst Family Reunion Ever 3.0

Barbed Wire Instead Of String, The Fates Hate Me More Than You Might Think

Zombies, Zombies Everywhere, Wave Your Hands Up In The Air

The World Is A Different Place When You Know What The World Is (Spoiler Alert: It’s Your Murderous Great Grandma)

The Refrigerator Seems Empty, Much Like My Soul

Ah, The Smell Of Success, It Smells Like Bullshit

My Heart Is Broken (Like Those Crackers That Bianca’s Eating)

Utter Chaos: Now Featuring Camp Half Blood And Literal Blood

Family Drama Destroys My Life

Family Drama 2.0: Family Drama Destroys California

So Then A God Says We ‘Will Save Humanity’, And Thalia Says ‘What The Fuck’

Two Middle Aged Women Start Screaming In Walmart

The Main Braincell Holder Is Asleep, God Doesn’t Exist, And Starting Forest Fires Is A Normal Way To Deal With Stress

Hell Is Just Life On Steroids

Queerly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here Togay… A.K.A. A Bet Ruins Rachel Elizabeth Dare’s Life

Normal People Would Avoid This, But The Two Most Normal People Here Used To Be Dead Or Will Die When A Stick Lights On Fire, So We Can’t Have High Hopes

We Try (And Fail, But Hey, It’s The Thought That Counts, Right?)

So THAT’S Where The Greek Fire Went. Sorry, Bus Driver.

Percy Has His Gay Awakening In The Form Of His Grandfather (Technically. He’s Also Technically His First Cousin Once Removed Or Something- Annabeth’s cousin maybe?)

You're Annoying Me To Death With Your Monologue So I Have To Kill You Now

What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong Doesn’t Mean You Should Set My Bed On Fire

Thalia Does Shock Therapy Meaning She Electrocutes People When They Say Things 

We Should Know By Now That Yelling Doesn't Solve Things But We Don’t, And The Gods Don’t Either

Most Of My Life Is Incredibly Traumatizing, But This Is New 

Who The Fuck Invited The Norse?!

Okay, I Thought The Norse Were Enough, Why Are The Magicians Here?

Wow. Popcorn. The Roman’s Worst Nightmare. 

So First The World Almost Ends, And Then The World Ends But It Gets Better, And Now It’s Ending Again?

Prophecies Can Fuck Off, And So Can Apollo

“Treacherous Nephew In The Tuxedo” Should Sound Funny, But It Doesn’t, And That Makes Leo Sad

 Why Is A Titan Making Dad Jokes? 

Falling Into A Dumpster Was The Highlight Of My Day, What Is Life

Grieving For The Living Is Just As Hard As Grieving For The Dead

Please Forget That I Tried To Kill You

In My Defence, An Invisible Higher Power Who Has The Ability To Strike Me Down Made Me Do It

Let Out A Boo For The Boom Man

Twenty McDonald’s Happy Meals And A Gun- Godly Gifts Are Awesome

We Enter The Maze Of Doom (This Time With Fabulous Prizes)

Two Brothers Are Not Happy As A Sister Cheers On Two More Brothers As They Duel To The Death- (Triton & Tyson & Kymopoleia & Percy & Anteus Have Sibling Bonding Time) 

The Eight Year Old With A Gun Manages To Save And Then Destroy A Life

Hello, I’m Queer, And Full Of Fear. Please Kill Me Now

Children Try To Make Plans (It Doesn’t Go So Well)

Thalia Grace Once Again Proves That Being A Demigod Really Fucking Sucks

It Don’t “Do Be Like That Sometimes” Leo, We Are In HELL

[hore4women]

Pipabeth HC bc no one is asking for it and I am for the people and by the people so I will be doing a public service, you’re welcome.

Piper definitely is the big spoon, especially whenever Annabeth has nightmares about Tartarus, but they also flip-flop.

Percy, Jason, Nico, and Leo all had a bet on which girl would end up making a move first, turns out THEY were the ones who had to help both of them to make a move.

Annabeth “Shut up” x Piper “Why don’t you make me?” Type of energy.

Piper is WHIPPED like Annabeth could say ANYTHING and this girl would do anything she says.

Piper is a beach girl while Annabeth is more of a mountains and city girl.

Piper was nervous meeting Fredrick for the first time, and considering Annabeth’s history with him, she wasn’t sure how it would go. (He awkwardly said something about Piper’s height, apologized and then offered to show Piper his World War 2 collection)

Annabeth was even more of a nervous wreck meeting Tristan for the first time, especially since how much he and Piper’s relationship started to improve for the better.

Ends up becoming good friends with Tristan and Tristan shows Annabeth baby pictures of Piper, much to Piper’s dismay.

Annabeth loves to fidget with Piper’s hair, absentmindedly or for stimming purposes and Piper loves it.

Annabeth is a Clairo diehard and Piper is 100% a MUNA fan.

Piper takes Annabeth to LA Pride a couple of times while visiting.

They also make an annual Pride celebration at Camp, they also got Nico and Will to organize it as well.

When Annabeth realized she had feelings for Piper, the poor girl was a flustered MESS around Piper or whenever Piper came into her line of vision.

Annabeth realized her feelings for PIper after remembering the Temple of Fear situation they were both in, she didn't get ANY sleep the entire night because the poor girl was overanalyzing the SHIT out of every touch, word, and gaze they had shared.

Normally, Annabeth is witty and knows what to say at any given time with anyone. But when she realized how attracted she was to Piper, the girl became a bumbling mess.

Piper was also a big gay disaster, she was able to hide it a bit better (only enough that Annabeth couldn’t tell, but everyone else knew about her feelings)

Piper once ran face-first into a tree when Annabeth came up from the lake after swimming once, she didn’t hear Percy’s warning in time.

The Aphrodite cabin and Athena cabin, at some point in time when it got ALL over the camp, tried to scheme a plan to get these two idiots to confess.

Lacy and Mitchell teased the SHIT out of Piper when they figured out Piper was into Annabeth.

Percy and Jason were also insufferable as well to Annabeth, purposely leaving her alone with Piper, “conveniently” having only one seat open which was next to Piper at the campfire.

At some point, Leo, Jason, Nico, and Percy shoved/“accidentally” locked the two girls into a closet at the big house.

Let's say the two were in there longer than the boys planned.

Annabeth loves to talk about birds and plants if she's not talking about architecture.

Piper loves to infodump about the stars and planets surrounding the solar system, she also talks a lot about her heritage and all of the stories that her Grandpa Tom used to tell her, it's one of Annabeth's favorite things to listen to whenever Piper misses her dad or her grandpa.

Piper is 100% into cheesy romcoms, Annabeth is also into them but very secretively and Piper drags her into her cabin alone to watch them.

Sometimes, Piper and Annabeth will sneak out of their cabins at night to go stargazing.

Annabeth is the one to say "I love you" first to Piper.

Piper and Annabeth swap sweatshirts and return them once either of their perfumes wears off.

Whenever Annabeth gets jealous, she makes it quite obvious, scowling, subtly rolling her eyes, yawning, and glaring at the girl who is flirting with Piper. It usually ends with Annabeth dragging Piper off to the nearest closet depending on the situation and tension.

Whenever Piper gets jealous, she gets more protective and wraps her arm around Annabeth's waist, or subtly reaches out for her hand to hold.

Piper is more careful with her charmspeak around Annabeth because of how potent it can be for someone, especially if they're in love and or extremely attracted to the person with the ability.

She's said some things like; go jump off the dock, as a joke without realizing she used her charmspeak and Annabeth nearly jumped off the dock before Percy and Piper stopped her. It was winter when she did that.

Piper has a four-pack and Annabeth literally cannot take her eyes off of Piper's mid-drift whenever she wipes off sweat with her t-shirt.

Piper gets all flustered whenever she sees Annabeth beat up people during her hand-to-hand combat classes, and she had to step out early because she judo flipped the shit out of Jason and she thought she was literally going to die.

During the Fourth of July fireworks, Piper found a good spot with enough privacy that none of her nosy half-siblings could spy on her and Annabeth admiring the fireworks (and each other)

Annabeth has warm hands and Piper has cold hands.

Piper loves pastels while Annabeth likes neutral colors.

Annabeth has stolen like 12 of Piper's hoodies and refused to give them back, not like Piper is complaining.

Annabeth adores fall and winter, while Piper is more of a spring and summer girl.

Piper has a massive sweet tooth but specifically, she has a taste for sour candy.

Annabeth also has a sweet tooth, but she likes salty things like chocolate-covered pretzels and sea salt caramel.

Annabeth sends Piper cute couple date ideas from TikTok.

Piper just sends Annabeth a whole bunch of stupid memes, plus recipes to try out.

Annabeth cannot cook to save the LIFE of her, like both the Apollo and Demeter cabins have banned her from trying to help out in the kitchen.

Piper is pretty skilled when it comes to throwing down in the kitchen, and Annabeth likes to come up behind her and wrap her arms around Piper's waist and watch her.

Annabeth makes a MEAN Spotify playlist, especially since she's had to rebuild Olympus for the Gods after the first Titan war, she's gotten especially good with making a playlist to lock in and work.

They both have made playlists for each other, and they swap playlists whenever they are together or when they're apart.

Whenever they miss each other, Piper has Annabeth's New York City sweatshirt and wears it to sleep.

Annabeth has a necklace Piper had given her and one of Piper's hoodies that she sleeps in.

Whenever either of them are on quests, they carry pictures of each other.

Piper got the shovel talk from both Percy and the entire Athena cabin (it wasn't too threatening), but it was still a talk.

The same goes for Annabeth, Jason, Leo, and the entire Aphrodite cabin.

For their first date, Jason and Leo were kindly asked (forced into) the Aphrodite cabin to emotionally support Piper, who was picking out an outfit.

Percy and Grover were in the Athena cabin, also emotionally supporting Annabeth, who was also picking out an outfit.

They went to a secret swimming hole at a more secluded part of the camp, had a picnic, stargazed, swam, and kissed.

Percy, Jason, and Leo were spying on them at some point and Piper caught them, so they beat them all up when they were heading to the spot.

[ddarker-dreams]

☾ book recommendations: *✲⋆.

my all time favorites:

the brothers karamazov by fyodor dostoevsky

notes from underground by fyodor dostoevsky

the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde

frankenstein by mary shelly

the plague by albert camus

we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson

others that i'd recommend:

break the body, haunt the bones by micah dean hicks

tomie by junji ito

uzumaki by junji ito

berserk by kento miura

the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson

i have no mouth, and i must scream by harlan ellison

the tell-tale heart by edgar allen poe

the cask of amontillado by edgar allen poe

rebecca by daphne du maurier

wuthering heights by emily brontë

dune by frank herbert

a shadow over innsmouth by h. p. lovecraft

the color out of space by h. p. lovecraft

the dunwich horror by h. p. lovecraft

crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky

demons by fyodor dostoevsky

the idiot by fyodor dostoevsky

jane eyre by charlotte brontë

animal farm by george orwell

do androids dream of electric sheep? by philip k. dick

a long fatal love chase by louisa may alcott

the stranger by albert camus

the metamorphosis by franz kafka

the trial by franz kafka

dragonwyck by anya seton

discipline and punish by michel foucalt

the castle of otranto by horace walpole

faust by johann wolfgang von goethe

the fall by albert camus

the myth of sisyphus by albert camus

the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde by robert louis stevenson

blood meridian by cormac mccarthy (do look into the content warnings though, there's heavy violence/depictions of 1840s-1850s racism)

the death of ivan ilyich by leo tolstoy

the dead by james joyce

the overcoat by nikolai gogol

dead souls by nikolai gogol

hiroshima by john hersey

useful fictions: evolution, anxiety, and the origins of literature by michael austin

no exit by jean paule satre

candide by voltaire

white nights by fyodor dostoevsky

notes from a dead house by fyodor dostoevsky

the shock doctrine by naomi klein

the 100 year war on palestine by rashid khalidi

blackshirts & reds by michael parenti

[chbnews]

DAILY NEWS 4/20/24

Happy 4/20 ‼️‼️

Hehe funny number

Anyways, war has been waged on Camp Jupiter.

Since we can’t really have actual war since that would be very concerning we’re having a prank war instead from what Chiron said 🙄.

I put glitter bombs in someone’s lunch today at CJ

Also!! Can someone help me figure out how to make glitter bombs that act like air strike bombs? (Pegasai air strike maybe.. still thinking abt it tho)

Capture the flag won by Ares cabin

Basketball match/championship won by Hecate Cabin

Stoll brothers prep for war (let’s see what those two idiots do 💀)

Thanks for reading! - Leo Valdez 🔥