#leigh's crafting hours

[lululeighsworld]

completed a lil crafting project I've been working on!! I wanted my FE charms and pins to have a more permanent home in my shrine, so I customized a corkboard for them ✨✨

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Out of curiosity, could be either due to craft or sheer enjoyment, what are your top favourite books?

Okay lowkey I wrote this post & then tumblr ATE it so here it is a little late!! Rachel's All Time Favourite Books (in no particular order):

Cleanness - Garth Greenwell (litfic, ok but this is actually my fave book & today Garth Greenwell lowkey Acknowledged My Presence SOOOO!!! I've read this 4x since August, it's a craft masterpiece)

What Belongs to You - Garth Greenwell (litfic, the book that comes before Cleanness, I'm not as attached to it but it's still FANTASTIC)

A Hundred Lovers - Richie Hofmann (poetry, my fave poetry collection of all time, ALL my epigraphs come from here)

We Do What We Do in the Dark - Michelle Hart (litfic, AMAZINGGG character study & peak into relationship dynamics)

Big Shadow - Marta Balcewicz (litfic, one of my fave books of all time, FANTASTIC teen protagonist in this bildungsroman)

Physical - Andrew McMillan (poetry, AMAZING queer poetry, lots of epigraphs from here too)

Winter in Sokcho - Elisa Shua Desapin (litfic, probably the best start-to-finish narrative I've ever read in my whole life)

If An Egyptian Cannot Speak English - Noor Naga (litfic, THE BEST litfic ending I've ever read, it's UNEXPECTED and something to be STUDIED)

Undoing Hours - Selina Boan (poetry, I feel so grateful for this book as it really helped me reconnect to my Indigenous identity. I met Selina after a LIFE-CHANGING reading & chatted with her, & that conversation drove me to learn more about my family!)

Bitterblue - Kristen Cashore (YA fantasy, this is LITERARY FICTION TO ME I've re-read this like 6 times)

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo (YA fantasy, really fun ensemble cast, THE AUDIOBOOK SLAYS)

Intimations - Alexandra Kleeman (litfic short story collection, some of THE BEST short story collections, my work feels adjacent to this dare I say??)

The Marionettes - Katie Wismer (NA paranormal, this series is sooo tropey and fun like I CAN'T WAIT for the last book, I did like book 2 best but this is the first one & I loved it too!)

Demi-Gods - Eliza Robertson (litfic, this was my fave novel before Cleanness & Eliza is my fave writer & from my alma mater! Read my interview with her!)

Monkey Beach - Eden Robinson (litfic, I read this book in a DAY, it's the most impactful novel I've ever read, she's also from my alma mater!)

How to Pronounce Knife - Souvankham Thammavongsa (litfic short story collection, my fave short story collection OF ALL TIME I learned so MUCH about short stories from this!)

The Girls - Emma Cline (litfic, this was MY writing bible for so long lol, I actually ethically hate how this book treats real murders but Emma Cline is an incredible writer & the best parts of this book are the ones that don't casually repurpose history... I have thoughts...)

History of Wolves - Emily Fridlund (litfic, I need to re-read this NOW but wow, the first half of this is chilling...)

Past Lives, Future Bodies - K-Ming Chang (poetry, not sure if you can still buy this but this is one of THE best collections I own)

The Darkest Minds - Alexandra Bracken (YA dystopian, I love AB SOOO MUCH even now hehe, this was a childhood fave & Fostered is a ripoff so <3)

[lennonleigh]

character name: lennon leigh reid

birthday: september 19th, 1999

gender / pronouns: cis woman, she/her

hometown: central park south, new york city

sexual orientation: bisexual / biromantic

residential area: starlight cove

occupation: fashion designer, founder of lenlei

length of time in starlight oaks: two months

positive traits: ambitious, resourceful, hardworking

negative traits: restless, impatient, stubborn

faceclaim: kaia gerber

BIOGRAPHY —

lennon was brought into a life of privilege, born to actor robert reid and celebrity makeup artist alissa taylor. her parents never married and just a year after the birth of their daughter, they separated. the majority of her childhood was spent in new york city with her mother, while the other half she spent on movie sets with her father in los angeles. her bicoastal lifestyle was something she adjusted to fairly easily but she would always consider new york her home, no matter how much she loved the serenity of the beach and being close to the water.

it was during the long hours spent with her mother at photoshoots and fashion weeks, where lennon got to observe what would become her passion in life. watching models on the runway, on and off camera, actresses on the red carpet, adorned in the most beautiful and bizarre creations, she found herself immersed in the world of fashion. as a teenager, she began to sketch, creating a portfolio of different designs that would become the first of many. she also scrapbooked as part of her research, collecting magazines and journals, textiles, fabrics. on her sixteenth birthday, lennon only asked for one present: a sewing machine.

from sophomore year until senior year of high school, lennon designed every costume for the theatre club, as well as made custom home and away uniforms for the cheer squad. every second of her time that she wasn't studying, she was sewing, crafting, creating. although she had several opportunities to meet designers, fashion icons and moguls in the industry, lennon wanted to remain anonymous. her status as the daughter of robert reid was never the factor she wanted to be the reason for her success, no matter how easy it could have been for her. after high school, she applied to the fashion institute of technology, where she was accepted and welcomed instantly. she couldn't escape nepotism entirely, no matter how much she wished she could.

in those formative years, lennon learned so much, not just about the fashion industry but about herself. she fell in love with a girl, her newfound sexuality leading to a brand new burst of creative expression. the relationship was short-lived however, her lover leaving to study abroad and choosing to stay there. it was also her first taste of heartbreak which she soon learned had the ability to fuel a whole other kind of productivity and creativity. after graduating, lennon wanted to jump into the world of work and so, she acquired the help of her mom, the owner of her own cosmetic company, to help her launch her first business venture.

lennon worked quietly behind the scenes for a year after she graduated, bringing 'lenlei' to life on the pages of a new portfolio that she kept close to her heart, building her brand from the ground up. during this time, she also got the opportunity to shadow jacqueline durran on the set of barbie. it was a dream come true. one that she admittedly had her father to thank for. lennon rarely sought his help but there was no way she could pass up on the experience of a lifetime. while working with jacqueline, lennon kept a close eye on one of her other heroes in the industry, amara washington. a woman whose work she'd followed closely since she was fifteen years old.

she respected amara not just for her work ethic but for being one of the most impactful, influential female entrepreneurs of her generation. ororo was a brand that featured in her scrapbooks as a teenager and when amara made the move to new york city, lennon didn't ever miss a runway show. the young designer's self named brand lenlei was crafted with a similar vision to those who'd come before her, with an added twist and a slight risk --- she wanted it to be a success but for it to be inclusive and accessible to all. casual wear, androgynous fashion, for women, men and nonbinary individuals. lenlei represented originality, authenticity and comfort. launched online in 2023, her range sold out and lennon earned a spot in forbes' 30 under 30.

fast forward to the present day, lennon's move to starlight oaks, (amara washington's very own hometown) was led by the success of her growing company. signing a contract with an independent clothing store, above the clouds, proved to be a new and exciting step forward. with the presence of amara in town, she's also hoping for the opportunity to learn from her in a setting that's more relaxed, away from the bustling city lights that they're used to. securing a retail space to sell her clothing line while working behind the scenes to bring her own boutique to life, lennon is hopeful that the small town will unlock bigger dreams, new hopes and fresh beginnings.

POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS —

coming soon !

[goatsandgangsters]

Nikolai’s ending in Rule of Wolves is disappointing because it undermines his character arc, it doesn’t commit to its own stakes, and it doesn’t align with everything we know about Nikolai as a character

And yet—it still could have worked with one single additional chapter where Nikolai goes back to being Sturmhond. This would have tied everything together in a way that is fitting for Nikolai’s arc and a satisfying ending for his character

A long but thorough meta on why: 

[Side note: The reason Nikolai “has to” abdicate in the first place is flimsy at best (why are you letting Fjerda, whose asses you just publicly trounced, make demands on who rules your country?). It was always going to be a tough plotline to pull off, because Nikolai’s original narrative purpose is to be The Perfect Future King. everything about him as a character was crafted to fill this role in the trilogy. So it’s a hard sell at the eleventh hour to tell me he shouldn’t be king, or even that he no longer wants to be.

But! I’ll allow that Leigh was Going For A Particular Ending. and so talking about the validity of Nikolai abdicating isn’t really the point. Even within the story being told, it could have worked in a way that fit his arc. She could have stuck the landing. She didn’t—not from a narrative perspective, not from an in-universe perspective. But it could have been easily remedied with relatively little structural change to the book]

“You miss it, don’t you?” she asked.

“I do. Maybe if this all goes to hell and Vadik Demidov takes my crown, I’ll simply return to being Sturmhond. I can serve my country without wearing a crown.”

Where’s the follow-through on this? Where is it? This conversation has always felt like it was shoehorned in as a justification for Nikolai’s later decision. It feels very “oh shoot, I should lay the groundwork for why Abdicating Is Good For Him, Actually, let me slip this in halfway through.” but it’s strange to sow this seed of him wanting to be Sturmhond again, with no payoff.

After that comment, Nikolai goes on reflect about how he might do more good for Ravka as Sturmhond, since he wouldn’t be beholden to the bureaucratic process and lengthy decision-making. (He was happy to pick up a sword or a pen on Ravka’s behalf, to go without sleep or comfort in order to see a mission through. But kings didn’t take action—not the way that a privateer or even a general could.) So how, then, is it a good ending for Nikolai to abdicate his throne, yet remain beholden to the same bureaucratic processes—now with even less ability to make an impact—instead of serving Ravka as Sturmhond? How am I to believe he’ll be any happier as a mere advisor than he was as King? How will he not grow so restless he could burst?

Nikolai returning to Sturmhond is fitting, too. Of Nikolai’s many roles and masks he’s worn, Sturmhond is the only one he’s ever chosen entirely for himself. It’s the only thing he’s ever done because he wanted it—not because it was required of him. We first meet him as Sturmhond, young and high-spirited; it would be natural to leave him as Sturmhond once more, now more mature and more cognizant of what it means to serve his country. Instead, we leave him as… what, exactly? The second again, the spare? Nikolai Nothing?

There was so much build-up in King of Scars about the symbolism of Ravka and what it means to Nikolai. How Ravka is intertwined with his own identity, his restlessness, his search for belonging, his need to constantly fix, his self-sacrifice in the name of Ravka. His abdication COULD have been an opportunity to bring all those themes full circle and complete his character arc in a satisfying way. It’s the ultimate sacrifice in the name of Ravka—he loses the throne he always wanted, but in so doing achieves the peace he’d always fought for. The symmetry in that is so striking. You have to lose to win.

Yet the other problem with Nikolai’s abdication is that it’s not—in fact—an actual sacrifice. It’s all optics. Alina even notes it: “The too-clever fox gave up his throne, but still manages to stay a king.” But doesn’t that cheapen the abdication itself? Doesn’t that strip the action of meaning? By having Nikolai abdicate in name only, it renders what could be a powerful moment into essentially an empty and hollow gesture. There are no stakes. There is no narrative tension.

And if you refuse to give your characters real stakes to their decisions, then what is the point of them deciding to do anything?

From an in-universe perspective too, these are bad optics. If the people want Zoya to be Queen, if the people want the Lantsov dynasty to end, if they want these things enough that Nikolai must abdicate—how can he remain publicly by Zoya’s side as an advisor, let alone as a romantic partner? This actively undermines Zoya as a ruler. For a book concerned by the threat of a puppet king on the Ravkan throne, this ending must look very much like that to anyone outside our circle of heroes. It does not seem like a new era for Ravka, it does not seem like change. You cannot promise a new regime and then have the old regime stick around after.

Frankly, it’s hard to believe that politically-savvy Nikolai wouldn’t know this. The very first thing we learn about Nikolai is that he’s an expert in understanding and wielding the power of perception. I cannot believe he’d willingly undermine Zoya’s new role as Queen that way. His very presence casts doubt on the independence of her rule. I’m sure Leigh’s explanation would be “well The People like Zoya and Nikolai, so they’re allowed to do whatever they want and no one will care,” but I’m rightfully allowed to call that exceptionally cheap worldbuilding (if the universe rearranges itself to keep the protagonists from making hard choices, you’re not creating a good story)

what SHOULD HAVE happened—and could have happened easily, without the need to restructure or change the ending much at all—is that they spread the story that Nikolai has retired to some estate somewhere and left Zoya to rule. but instead he goes back to being Sturmhond. He still dedicates himself to Ravka, but in a different way (because he could never walk away from something that needs fixing). And new folk tales begin to spread over Ravka about a seafarer and a dragon, they say they meet atop the lighthouse in Os Kervo, they say the dragon can always find the ship in the night. That’s immediately a richer, more character-specific relationship dynamic. Maybe Nikolai reconnects with his bio dad; sometimes he comes back and throws an elaborate party at his estate just to maintain the ruse.

Ultimately, he loses some of what he had, but he gains the things he was longing for all along—freedom, family, not being beholden to anyone, choice in his identity, the ability to act decisively for the betterment of Ravka

it doesn’t mean losing Ravka, it doesn’t mean losing Zoya, but in order to love them and help them and fight for them, he must do it from a distance. Because that’s what loving them requires. It’s not “duty over love,” but rather it’s “duty as love.” And it means so much more than schmaltzy love declarations because it’s backed by real action, real commitment, and real sacrifice that demonstrates the love.

honestly, if I’m reading about the leaders of a country, I don’t want “and then they got everything they ever wanted and then some, and it was happily ever after.” The whole intrigue of leader characters is to see them make choices. It’s about the difficulty between duty vs desire, the self vs the collective, what you want vs what’s required. Leaders do not get to simply be themselves—and that’s the heart of their narrative struggle

Nikolai’s ending doesn’t work because it’s hollow. It disregards everything we’ve ever known about him as a character.

He has always been defined by his constant striving for the betterment of Ravka. It’s already hard to believe one shoved-in scene where he yearns to set aside what he’s always worked towards. It’s hard to believe that abdicating is the right ending for him. But if he must, then let him actually do it. Let him make a real sacrifice for Ravka. Let him give up what he’s worked towards because he knows it’s for the best. Let him return to sea and love his Ravka from afar, and love her better that way. Let there be meaning, let there be poignance, let the ending fit the character.  

I don’t want to read a story where the world bends around the characters to tidy everything up neatly for them. I want stories that are driven by the characters, where characters are defined by their choices, and where those choices mean something

It’s rather meta, if you think about it. Nikolai Lantsov’s issue is that he constantly squeezes himself into the shape of what other people need him to be. And then, within “his” own duology, the narrative itself squeezes and reshapes him in for the sake of plot convenience, with no regard for concluding his individual character arc

Just one more chapter. One more chapter of teal coats and setting sail and the sea before him.

It requires no structural plot changes. It would have been more meaningful for Nikolai as a character. It would have given his relationship with Zoya such poignance. A goodbye, for now. But a short one—it doesn’t take a dragon long to fly to the shore.

If it’s time for a new leader, if this is Ravka’s sea change, well—then let there be sea.

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Julia and the Shark

Author: Kiran Millwood hargrave

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★★★★

One of the best middle-grade books I have ever read I think. Kiran Millwood Hargrave is a gorgeous writer and her use of language is simply masterful. She also chooses fascinating topics and it pains me that from time to time all that lacks a certain impact. But Julia does have it. The simplistic illustrations are captivating and perfectly enliven the story.

The Last Princess: The Devoted Life of Queen Victoria's Youngest Daughter

Author: Matthew Dennison

First published: 2007

Rating: ★★★☆☆

If you have a truly deep interest in Queen Victoria, her family, or a life of nobility in the 19th century, this is a book you should read. Princess Beatrice never held any important political posts, never made a grand marriage, never had to make any momentous decisions, and is largely forgotten today. But Mathew Dennison put together a gentle portrait of her existence and through her introduced yet another layer to other, more famous personages in Beatrice´s life. However, if you are after a book that would somehow shock you, or give you tremendous new information or gossip, pass on this one. It is slow and the author does repeat his main points at almost every turn, which sometimes could be tedious. Also, prepare yourself for lots of assumptions that fill up empty places we know nothing about.

The Infinity of Lists

Author: Umberto Eco

First published: 2009

Rating: ★★★☆☆

A gorgeous and richly illustrated list of lists. I was surprised at how many things actually are "lists", some of the points were fascinating, and some went over my head. A difficult book to read to be honest.

Visions of Beauty

Author: Kinuko Y. Craft

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★★★★

I was waiting to show the book also to my mum, who studied art at university and had never heard of Kinuko Y. Craft before. Today we spent over an hour going through the pages together and she said it was possibly the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. As for me, I have been aware of the artist because I came across her illustrations of fantasy book covers (Wildwood Dancing was a particular favourite of mine). When I, completely by chance, found the Visions of Beauty, I was greatly excited. What a stunning compilation of paintings and drawings! What I find particularly remarkable about them is that I can often clearly see the inspiration behind the picture (there is Da Vinci and my favourite Botticelli, there is some Mucha and Raffael, there are medieval altar paintings as well as portraits from the 19th century), but it is never a copy and always takes on the originality of its own. The pictures can be read, not just observed, with numerous tiny details incorporated into the portraits, so even when I think I have seen it all, I find more and more flowers, animals, symbols, and even human figures where before seemed to be just foliage. I cannot even choose my favourite painting, because there are way too many.

The Idiot

Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky

First published: 1869

Rating: ★★★★☆

I don´t think there is much need to write yet another review of this book when so much has been said by more eloquent readers than I am. To me personally, it was particularly interesting after reading a biography of Dostoyevsky and I could easily see the roots and traces of many incidents and thoughts presented in this novel. But ultimately I did find the story a bit drowned by too much that was said in ways that were simply too dragged out. And yet I still think about that ending.

Imitation of Mary

Author: Alexander De Rouville

First published: 1977

Rating: ★★★★☆

Very comforting for anyone with Catholic leanings and devotion to Mary.

Demon in the Wood

Author: Leigh Bardugo

First published: 2022

Rating: ★★★★☆

I just really enjoy the stories Leigh Bardugo tells... this is a very nicely created graphic novel, but to be completely honest, I would have preferred it to be simply a written story.

Mislaid in Parts Half-Known

Author: Seanan McGuire

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

I keep reading these because they are short and well-intentioned... but half of these books do not really have a story. This one is one of the storyless ones, not to mention I felt like it was by far the most filled with long speeches about points already made, conclusions already reached, dilemmas already introduced. Also, all the main characters seem to be the same.

Cleopatra: A Life

Author: Stacy Schiff

First published: 2011

Rating: ★★★★☆

Everybody knows the story of Cleopatra and yet, as this book lets you know in a very readable and convincing style, we actually know very little for certain. Stacy Shiff does for the Egyptian Queen what Robert K. Massie did for Catherine the Great: painting a vivid portrait of a woman in a position of power in an age when she was an anomaly. Her achievements have been tainted, her motivations misconstrued, her personality dragged through the mud. We arguably have a better grasp of the Russian empress than Cleopatra, but I imagine they both would have a lot to talk about.

Ruthless Vows

Author: Rebecca Ross

First published: 2023

Rating: ★★★☆☆

Much like I enjoyed the first installment, I enjoyed this second one as well. Everything is still in it, from a swoon-worthy romance to some truly excellent use of language and very evocative scenes of being trapped in a war. Nice.

The Poisonwood Bible

Author: Barbara Kingsolver

First published: 1998

Rating: ★★★★★

This is a story of a family, where every voice is their own and their feelings are communicated brilliantly to the reader. It is also a clear-eyed look at colonialism in the 20th century, human arrogance and prejudice as well as familial loyalty and love. It is a heartbreaking read, perhaps a bit too lengthy once the pinnacle of the story passes, but I found it both engaging and in some ways also enlightening.

The Testaments

Author: Margaret Atwood

First published: 2019

Rating: ★★★★☆

While it lacks the shock factor of its predecessor, The Testaments offers a satisfying conclusion in its stead. Was it necessary? Not really. But in the modern world the dystopia once imagined by Margaret Atwood needs to be remembered. Our reality seems to be striving towards it, sometimes with terrifying speed.

The Book of Magic

Author: Alice Hoffman

First published: 2021

Rating: ★★★★☆

More than magic itself, this whole series is about being loyal to your family and the unconditional love that binds that family. The Book of Magic reunites the reader with all of the characters that we already love and now we see the end of their journey. And truly I mean all of them. Alice Hoffman yet again writes in a way that makes you smell the lilacs and hear the bees in the trees. Lovely.

[incandscents]

☆ — (natalia dyer, she/her, cis woman) who is joseli ryan anyways? ew. you don’t know about her, we’ll bet you want to. she's feeling twenty-eight and painting feels like a perfect night to them. rumor has it they’re capricious and implacable because they care, but they’re also affable and tenacious in the best way. she works to make a little money as a songwriter / musician. they’ve rented a place on cornelia street in the form of woodvale apartments. long live and my tears ricochet are the songs they could dance to the beat of forevermore.

𓂅   GENERAL INFORMATION .

name: joseli powell ryan ( born joselyn leigh powell-ryan )

nicknames: josie, jo, jojo.

age / date of birth: twenty-eight, born on november 22, 1995

zodiac sign: scorpio / sagittarius cusp

gender: cis woman ( she/her/hers )

place of birth: asbury park, new jersey

sexuality: pansexual

occupation: songwriter, main songwriter & guitarist for electric touch

𓂅    THE STORY SO FAR .

potential trigger warnings — mentions of injury, surgery.

before she was good with her hands, she was good with her feet: joselyn, more affectionally called 'josie leigh' by her doting parents, was all over a soccer field at age five. age four consisted of her making daisy crowns on the sidelines of the game, and after her parents sitting her down with ice cream and telling her they'd make her give it one more go, "one more chance to be the best", she screwed her head on straight. being the best never felt like an option to joseli. it was an expectation, a standard. anything less would not suffice. age five brought a ruthlessness on the field beyond what was anticipated of the ymca rec league for children. she'd spend hours in her backyard curling soccer balls into the upper corners of the net, dribbling down an empty soccer field, orange slices between her teeth and a loose ponytail signifying the dedication she poured into her craft. she never did anything halfway or half-assed.

for joseli, the future felt like soccer. she wasn't good in school aside from the occasional writing assignment — poetry was where she shone, considering it was allowed to be as abstract as the general make-up of her brain — so she put all her chips into soccer. her devotion demanded hard work and she was willing to give it her entire being if that was what it meant. it didn't go unnoticed, either. joseli was invited to development camps hosted by us soccer and called up for the u-16 and u-17 teams. every step she took was angled in the direction of the goal of being drafted to play pro, making the senior national team roster, having a shot at olympic medals and world cup trophies.

senior year was when the cards started to fall exactly as she'd designed: a scholarship to play at stanford, a call up to one of the senior national team camps, a spot among the greats carved out just for her. and then she tore her acl in a spring season game, which required surgery, and an extended recovery time that stanford could not guarantee being able to hold her spot for — even if she was with the greats at one point, she was cut back down to size. the crash and burn of her soccer career knocked joseli back years. most people her age were stepping into their dreams, figuring out what they wanted to do, while joseli felt like she was seven years old again trying to discover the root of who she was all over again.

she did everything she wasn't supposed to in an attempt to burn the ashes of josie leigh. she changed her name legally to joseli powell and told stanford thanks, but no thanks in exchange for nyu classes that she'd be in debt for until she's steady growing grey hairs. she spent her time in the city, drawing in the field books she carried at least three of inside her bag and observing the world with her mindlessly rambled thoughts and doodles. where her feet failed her, her hands would be her savior.

growing up in asbury park meant joseli had quite the exposure to music & music history, staffs embedded in her bones and melodies buzzing under the surface. always whistling on the soccer pitch during drills and locker room cool-downs slowly evolved into the stupid, angsty poems she scribbled into napkins and on the insides of her arms finding chords and melodies. she went to open mic nights at bars and played shitty songs that no one other than the three drunks found good, but the thrumming of electricty was back in her blood that she missed so desperately once soccer was cut out from her life. the bitch was back.

spending all her time in another already oversaturated dream meant that joseli would really amp up the all gas, no brakes mentality as she went about climbing the newest mountain in her range and clambering for the top. create, consume, create, consume: her life was a vicious cycle of art and trying to become the best at something other people had already invested decades of their lives into. everything was a race for joseli, a competition with a winner and a loser, and she was familiar with blood in her teeth while she fought.

age old story: girl falls in love. girl moves to the city with big dreams and her lover, drunk on a daydream and hoping that the fairytale ending is in sight amongst the tears and bruises of rejection and the grind, the constant fucking grind that joseli almost needs in order to survive. and then it suddenly pays off, after the years of learning the city like it's a constellation of freckles on the back of her hand that she sees each time she picks up a pen, with radios playing the song and record labels asking for meetings, and joseli feels like she is flying. she is seventeen all over again, dreams coming true as she returns from saturn and begins to build a kingdom from her home. problem is, she's never been the best at figuring out when enough is enough. when there's a line, when not to cross it, when to apologize, when to make it right. she just doesn't understand how she can possibly be wrong when it means living a dream — she's already lost one, so is it any surprise she'd kill to see this one to fruition?

little does she know it's alllllll gonna blow up in her face and force her to grow up. again. :')

joseli's a cosmogyral — literally means ‘whirling around the universe,’ which is very much a perfect descriptor. she’s all over the fuckin place. she’s a hot mess. she’s constantly in new corners of her universe, reinventing herself and finding new pieces and parts to highlight while trying to bury others. loves hard, fights hard. warm until she is too hot to handle. she always means well but she’s quicksilver; she is never the same version of herself, she sticks to her guns until she decides she only wants to carry knives from now on. will charm the pants off of just about anyone she comes into contact with. flirty. a little goofy, wildly sarcastic. there’s method to her madness even if no one else gets it. is the passive aggressive type, bottles things up and simmers. stubborn as fuck, fiercely protective and neurotic. she’s almost thirty and she constantly feels like she’s living someone else’s life, no matter how many times she reinvents herself professionally or personally, and it is starting to wear on her soul.

𓂅    DESIRED CONNECTIONS .

meredith to her cristina — basically her best friend (not gender specific) who tells it to joseli like it is, doesn’t mind if she laments about how the world sucks every now and again, the person she’s calling if she needs help with a body.

joseli, for all her neuroticism, is quite friendly and sociable and overall A Good Time, is the type to make sure a stranger doesn't feel like one in a crowded room. casual friends, neighbors, people that jam out and get high on each other's couches, regulars at the same coffee shop: she doesn't bite (usually) so anything in that vein will work

i am also not opposed to a roommate for joseli 👀

someone who dr. phil's joseli and she just does not listen (bonus points if she tries to reciprocate and they too ignore the fuck out of her)

pr relationship ! — someone who joseli's management has partnered her up with to help promote electric touch's upcoming album. either they’re good friends or they hate each other, i’m up to anything

hookups, friends with benefits, ‘we have casual sex because it’s fun to rile each other up,’ exes of all flavors — joseli is pansexual and a mega flirty hot mess so anything works !

childhood friends, friends who are only friends because their agents told them to play nice, friends that have definitely fought in a club or a bar before even though they went in together holding hands, friends who are only friends with her to benefit from it, good influence / bad influence, friends who are forced to be pr enemies and are secretly laughing at the media in private, friends who are only friends when they’re drunk

ANGSTY SHIT — a plot based off of ‘wrong’ by ally hills, “bad for me but i keep coming around,” someone joseli calls late at night because she doesn’t want to be alone, a plot based off come back be here by taylor swift except they actually came back and it’s like wtf do we do now

gimme a girl that joseli is rlly in love with but she’s lowkey sabotaging their relationship because she is absolutely batshit crazy right now trying to sew all her dreams together to keep them from imploding and she does not know how to prioritize ! and she has to actually decide if this is in fact the worthwhile fight #iykyk

everything and anything, really, feel free to hit me up on discord @/lizolsen and we can plot up all kinds of magic together :')

[tarysande]

I have so many things to do

And yet I cannot put down Leigh Bardugo’s new book, Ninth House. I’ve got a quarter of the book left and I am already mourning that it will end.

I just abso-fucking-lutely LOVE IT. It needs to be a tv series, like, yesterday. The lore! The world building! The characters! Ghosts! Magic! The pitch perfect dialogue! Prose I want to sink into like it’s a perfect-temperature bubble bath in a claw-foot tub!

Honestly, at this point Bardugo could write a phone book and I’d be there preordering, glassy-eyed and filled to the brim with anticipation. I know each one of those Smiths would be unique and alive and flawed and brilliant.

ETA: Thanks for the heads up @bellesletttres An Amazon-backed TV series has already been confirmed. Cue excited shrieking.

[rurahdenisesblog]

How Fear Street Differentiates From Other Horror Films

The filmmaker Leigh Janiak’s Fear Street films, a Netflix series based on R.L. Stine’s horror series, LGBT individuals not only are the primary protagonists, but a lesbian relationship fuels the whole plot. For Janiak, that was purposeful. It was a “opportunity to create a tale that hasn’t been done within that genre very frequently, if at all,” she noted. “That entails crafting this queer love tale that propelled everything.”  In Janiak’s perspective, Stine’s novels were typically “pretty straight and very white.” But Fear Street: 1994 which sets off the Netflix slasher trilogy that includes successors set in 1978 and 1666, offers a homosexual Black girl, Deena, as the lead. When it concerns her romance with Sam, Deena lets nothing get in the way. It’s not simple, as the films reveal. At the beginning of “1994,” Deena and Sam have split up and she poses as straight, with a boyfriend to add, in order to appease her prejudiced mother and society itself. The ’90s, as any millennial will attest, might have been an age where females mimicked major pop artists like Brandy, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, but it also made it challenging for individuals like Deena who fell outside of those cultural standards. She listens to Garbage, rocks oversized flannels and is into girls.  Society views her and automatically assume that they know who she is and what she is. Consequently, she’s been forced to take ownership of it, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for her. She’s still an adolescent trying to figure out her identity. Other characters across the revamped world equally contradict the mainstream “wholesome, white final girl” cliché that has come to define the genre. Deena and Sam’s classmate, Kate, is an alpha Filipina American cheerleader. Deena’s brother, Josh, spends hours in AOL chat groups dedicated to conspiracy theories concerning the innumerable killings that have afflicted their town, Shadyside, for years. There’s also Martin, the conscientious mall attendant who’s continuously profiled by the cops. These individuals don't merely play supporting parts or function as jokes for the main characters. They serve as the narrative's main characters. In addition to creating a fun, truly terrifying trilogy that intelligently pays tribute to classics like “Scream” and “Friday the 13th,” Janiak wanted to cast “a light on a whole community of disadvantaged individuals who have been taught that they’re outside.” They are the heroes as well. Deena makes a significant promise to Sam in a touching scene from the movie "1994," just before the former quits rejecting her affections for her. In Fear Street, the promise of a future feels more meaningful as it signifies a shift that demands Deena to be taken back to 1666. There Sarah Fier, the lesbian woman who was hung for being in love with another woman and punished as a witch, could fight for justice against the same prejudice and violence that separates Deena and Sam today. Janiak intended to emphasize in "1666" that women who were accused of being witches in that time just didn't fit the stereotype.  They were dubbed witches “because they were different, because they were staring too long at the other girl, or because they didn’t want to get married,” she claimed. “They weren’t falling in line with whatever society lines were.” As it turns out, the alienation that humankind conveys is just as deadly as a witch’s curse, if not more so. It helped Janiak to go beyond the otherworldly worries to study the faults of society. Even if there is undoubtedly considerable bloodshed along the road, the Fear Street movies ultimately have aspirational themes. Sam and Deena contribute to the town's recovery, but more importantly, they maintain their romantic relationship. While smaller, independent films were more likely to contain gay themes, the LGBTQ+ movement is begun to demand more of the big production corporations. Seeing the success Fear Street achieved, these larger corporations may be more willing to take a chance on LGBT storytelling in future horror films.

References:

[lululeighsworld]

FE OC Week Day 5 - Joy!

if I'm going to talk about what brings Summoner Leigh joy, obviously tea is the first thing that comes to mind (followed closely by objects that are colour coordinated red/black). to say I've gone overboard with the tea references while developing their story may be a bit of an understatement.

(art by cceesawstudios)

I think at this point it's safe to say their love language is sharing a hot pot of tea with those they care about, which I guess falls under quality time? since their arrival in Askr, not a day has gone by where they haven't had a cup of tea in their hand at some point. sorry Anna, we need to invest in more tea sets!

in all seriousness though, tea is so important to Leigh because it reminds them of some place they can't quite remember but those memories are filled with a comforting kind of love. now when they bond over tea with others, they can make their own happy memories that they'll never forget! this is especially true when it comes to festivals in Askr, like the Day of Devotion! their weapon takes the form of a ceramic flower vase in the shape of a teapot, overflowing with lilacs and roses.

(art by Byhengg)

Summoner Leigh was even more thrilled when they heard that the Order of Heroes would be welcoming heroes for a special tea service! they would feel right at home in this setting. hypothetically if they were summonable on this banner (with Gunter), it would go something like the following:

(you can read the complete set of unit lines I wrote for them here)

I could just go on for hours about how much Leigh loves tea!! to conclude this post though, I'll end with one little headcanon:

Gunter ends up proposing over teatime :') more specifically, he has a set of teacups crafted with one that says "will you marry me?" painted on the bottom. Leigh doesn't see it coming and just thinks it's one of their regular ole teatimes together. having had tea with Leigh countless times over the years, Gunter times it perfectly so that when they finish their tea and read the message, he's already down on one knee.

[day 1 introductions] [day 2 relationships] [day 3 backstory?] [day 4 tragedy]

[pocket-emilu]

thanks @eldritch-elrics and @mdzs-rabbithole for the tag!

Relationship Status: .......

Favorite Color: coral

Favorite Food: garlic sauce eggplant / fish fragrant eggplant

Song Stuck in My Head: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen

Last Thing You Googled: “ode general solution” i’m struggling through my math class lol

Time: 10:30 am, i woke up half an hour ago

Dream Trip: tour through Europe!

Last Thing You Read: Where Research Begins - no more leisure reading for me in grad school :(

Last Book You Enjoyed: Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo - imo this sequel is way better than the first book! mostly because my boy wylan gets chapters in his pov

Favorite Thing to Cook/Bake: roasted vegetables! carrots, turnips, parsnips, beets, brussels sprouts...with herbs and olive oil...mm...also chopping vegetables is therapeutic

Favorite Craft to do in Your Freetime: usually just the old reliable digital art but my grandma taught me how to cross-stitch recently!

Most Niche Dislike: when people say “it’s in X’s DNA” in a gimmicky marketing way and they aren’t referring to an organism or it’s something that is not in DNA. i understand that it’s not a literal expression but it annoys me

Opinion on Circuses: uhh as long as what’s going on there is ethical, they’re pretty cool!

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: no, help

tagging: @soresus @hexcore-juggler @mxsarahkathryn if you want to!

[serendipitystation]

Holding Hands - a Kanej fanfic

Read it here, too: AO3

Summary: Several times that Inej and Kaz hold hands and what follows. Slow-burn, oneshot.

Length: Short

A/N:  Writing for these two is difficult, but that's a testament to Leigh Bardugo's wonderfully complex writing more than anything. Cheers, friends :)

i.

The first time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they stand together looking down at the ship that will take them far apart from one another. To Inej, it is a miracle, a blessing; to Kaz, it is a gift, a tool for good in hands cleaner than his own. They both understand how their paths are destined to diverge, but there is no peace needing to be made with this. Divergence calls to reunion as light calls to dark. Their souls have been in close quarters long enough that a few thousand miles won't shatter their bond. As they watch a boat unload its newcomers to the city, they feel a joy that only the knowledge of better days can create. The darkness will return, but not today. Today is for joy and reunions and the most shockingly pleasant smile that Inej has ever seen on the face of the lord of the crows. Her happiness knows no end. Any prick of pain in Kaz's soul is easily ignored.

ii.

The second time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Jesper and Wylan are singing the absolute worst song either of them have ever heard. While Specht helps Inej hire a crew for her ship, she and her parents are staying at the Van Eck home at Wylan's insistence. In the moments during which she leaves her parents' sides, Inej watches Wylan graviate towards the warmth of her father's countenance and Jesper flirt in shameless jest with her mother (he backs off slightly when Inej threatens to revoke his skillet bread priviledges). Kaz is the lone statue in the waving grass- he is cordial and as friendly as he's ever been, which doesn't say much, but he keeps a slight distance. One night, after dinner has been devoured, Wylan picks out a folk tune and sings lightly, while Jesper accompanies him with the most off-key harmonies to be heard any side of Ketterdam. As Inej feels Kaz's discomfort like a fog seeping across the floor, she melts into the shadows of a hallway just slow enough for Kaz to catch on. Under the nearly-dark sky of the back garden, they sit on a bench and watch the stars wink to life. Inej gently eases the glove off Kaz's right hand, feeling him tense up and relax with a slow shudder as the glove comes free. As the discordant sounds of their friends float in the cool air, Inej traces the creases of Kaz's hands and Kaz wills himself to not react, to keep his head above water, to let desire overrule history. Each time they touch, he gets better at floating.

iii.

The third time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz watches Inej giving orders aboard her ship as they prepare for their maiden voyage. She takes to the role of captain like a fish in water, the surety in her actions a strength she will need as she meets the unyielding sea. If she seems green at all for a captain, her crew know better than to question her due to her reputation as the Wraith, if not for her knives. Kaz can see her in his mind's eye, acting as justice's henchwoman among the waves, a puzzle piece that fits perfectly into its surroundings and completes them. He respects her abilities as much as he loves her. Loves. Kaz's mind has used the word before, yet using it now feels like a revelation. If any god were to call out from the heavens and announce him a Grisha, it would be less discordant to Kaz's nature than love in any form. Still, Kaz knows better than to deny the truth. He loves Inej and, in a few days, he will watch her sail away. When Inej comes to stand beside him, a look of satisfaction on her face, Kaz shakily slips his hand into hers. As he does so, Kaz swears she begins to smile.

iv.

The fourth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they are saying goodbye. Kaz doesn't do goodbyes- sentimentality shows weakness and he's long vowed to never look weak again. For Inej, however, he makes an exception, at least in private. In the mist of the morning of the launch, he slips onboard the Wraith and down the bustling deck to the quarters below. When he walks into the captains' quarters, Inej doesn't turn her head- she knows he's there; she could hear his lopsided gait all the way down the hall outside. They trade pleasantries about the ship, the voyage, everything but the inevitable goodbye to be faced. It is Inej who breaks gracefully; as Kaz prepares to leave, she walks up to him until they are but inches apart, takes both his hands, and reassures him that she will return. She can see the ice of his eyes melt and lets him thaw. Inej has known that she loves him for some time- unlike Kaz, her trauma isn't rooted in betrayal and she never feared the vulnerability of caring. Her love is a candle that she chooses to let burn, even as she acknowledges that love and destiny are not one and the same. As Kaz bends towards Inej, his forehead touching hers as light as a feather, the candle's flame grows stronger.

vi.

The sixth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz's fingers trace a scar on Inej's arm. They sit in Kaz's office in the Slat, where prying eyes can make no assumptions about anything. Inej spent five months at sea before returning to Ketterdam, a length of time that ticked by at a glacial pace on Kaz's end. After regaling Jesper and Wylan with tales of her exploits upon her return, Inej had stolen away to the quiet safety of the Slat where the company was quieter. As Inej answers Kaz's questions with the patience, she adjusts the buttons at her wrists, revealing a flash of ropy skin on one arm. With a frown that stretches into shadows, Kaz reaches out to gently slide up Inej's sleeve, bringing into light the full fresh scar that zigzags up her arm. Kaz's face settles into its familiar scheming expression as the red of rage clouds his vision. Only Inej's voice, the featherlight sweep of her finger across his creased brow, and the shiver that travels his limbs like lightning bring him back to reality. As he wills the anger to subside, he reviews what he knows to be true; Inej is capable, strong, and not needing to be saved. She's no longer his investment- she's here because she chose him. Why his ego is so unperturbed by it all, he doesn't really know. Until Inej speaks up, Kaz doesn't realize that he's smiling.

viii.

The eighth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, the ghosts that frequent Kaz's room watch them. Night has long fallen over Ketterdam and the prospect of Inej embarking on her next voyage looms over Inej. Her desire for life has not changed, nor has her mission, though it hurts to leave. Tonight, Inej has lingered far past the setting of the sun in Kaz's company. Getting back to her ship would be no problem- captain or Wraith, she walks the streets free of fear- but she doesn't particularly want to leave. As Kaz removes his waistcoat in his bathroom, Inej lays back on his bed and watches him. Out of the corner of his eye, Kaz catches her gaze and sarcastically offers to share the bed. What he doesn't expect is for her to strip down to her vest and pants tuck herself in. When Kaz puts out the lights and slides into the bed that barely fits them both, there's a strange weight that settles in their chests. They stay apart, both unsure. Then Kaz slips his hands into Inej's and the weight lifts and it feels like the world has fallen into place. They watch the dim light of the city carve through the shadows on the ceiling and, as they fall asleep to each other's breathing, the ghosts take the night off.

xii.

The twelfth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, their faces are grim in the coal-streaked dawn. The hour for casting off from the harbour approaches the Wraith too fast for anyone's liking, but especially for Kaz. Caring is a weary task and a luxury that shadows can't afford, even as his soul becomes more intertwined with the captain whose knives protect a heart he longs to hear beat next to his. In the light of day and surrounded by the waking city, Kaz looks the part of Dirtyhands, all sharp lines and sharper glances. Inej knows that the persona is just that- a front crafted with years of practice, however jaded and survivalist he has become. She can see his mortality in the tells only she knows- the set of his mouth, the crag of his brow, the care with which he watches the crew. She doesn't need to hide anything, not like he does, but no smile graces her lips all the same. When it comes time to cast off, Inej holds Kaz's palms in hers and takes a piece of his heart. Kaz wasn't sure he had one to give away. As he watches the Wraith disappear on the endless gray horizon, he feels the painful pull of it moving farther away. He'll never get used to the sensation.

xiii.

The thirteen time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, it's a bright afternoon. The sea air wends its way through the streets of Ketterdam close to the harbour, stray gulls slicing through the air of the nearby alleyways. Kaz doesn't pass the docks on his way across the city; he rarely needs to these days. With his shares in Fifth Harbour long gone and the sea busy only with the usual flurry of trading ships, there's no reason to visit. If he wishes he had cause to do so, he tells no one. Only Inej would know otherwise, were she present- secrets can't hide from her.

When Kaz makes it to the Slat, it's quiet, as most afternoons find it. The crew are out and about on their assignments, as they should be, even though a few stray folk keep the din of the house to a reasonable level. Kaz walks into his office, fully prepared for a day of reviewing the week's profits, but he knows that the day will prove eternally better the moment he walks in. He can feel Inej's presence before he sees her sitting behind his desk. Inej won't tell him that she bribed Anika to keep the news of her arrival away, nor does she need to mention that she took the rooftops to reach the Slat- he'll already have figured it out. He doesn't need to say he missed her- she can tell from his face and the way he comes around the desk and intertwines his fingers with hers, all while telling her to take her boots off his desk. Neither of them need to say anything. They both know they're where they belong- together.

[robinrunsfiction]

Ivy - Chapter 4

Chapter 3

(YN) took every chance she could to sneak off and be with Mikey. She would go to the bookstore, like usual, during the day, and he would meet her in a clearing in the dense woods that surrounded the castle when the shop was closed. Christine had been dutifully covering the Princess’ tracks when she was out, and when (YN) couldn’t leave the castle, Frank was carrying messages between the couple.

She had been spending so much time with Mikey that she had completely forgotten she was due to be going to Arboria for a ball celebrating her and Dallon’s engagement until she woke up one morning to find Christine packing a trunk.

“What are you doing?” (YN) mumbled sleepily as she stirred.

“Your Highness, you’re going to visit Dallon’s kingdom for a week, have you forgotten?”

(YN) groaned, burying her face against her pillow. “Yes. And I didn’t get a chance to tell Mikey that I’ll be gone.”

“Would you like me to have Frank deliver a message before he has to prepare the carriage?”

“Yes please,” (YN) said, throwing off her blankets and rushing to her desk to prepare a letter. “Speaking of, how are things with you and Frank? Is it love?”

“Your Highness!” Christine blushed, but a smile crept across her face. (YN) laughed a little as she started her letter.

Dearest, I am so sorry that I have forgotten an obligation and will be gone for a week. Please know I do not wish to go on this trip, but sadly it is my duty as part of my station in this kingdom. I will miss you greatly and you will be on my mind the whole time. Yours, (YN)

She sealed the letter with wax and handed it to Christine to have Frank deliver. Once she was alone in her room, she ran her hands over the gown she’d wear to the ball and imagined what Mikey would look like dressed in formal attire, accompanying her to a ball. Her hand in his, his other hand on her waist, twirling around the dancefloor, not keeping their feelings a closely guarded secret any longer.

She sighed as she sank back on her bed. If only it wasn’t just a far away fantasy.

A while later, (YN) was in the carriage as it drew through Ravenswood on the way to Arboria. She leaned forward so she could see out the window and watch the now familiar streets pass by. As they passed her beloved bookstore, she spotted Mikey leaning against the doorframe watching the procession. She gave him a small wave and he returned it with a sad smile and a nod before turning back into the store.

(YN) sat back and blinked away the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks and hoped her parents would not notice. She felt like she was betraying Mikey by going to Arboria, but she had any choice in the matter. She wondered how it would be possible to pretend to be happy for a week when she was already absolutely miserable.

Hours later they arrived in Arboria to great fanfare. (YN) felt the same nerves as when she first met Dallon, but this time it was worse since she did not have the comfort of being in her own home and she knew what the expectations of her were. Dallon and his father greeted them and brought them inside. The building and the grounds it sat upon were beautiful, but it felt so alien to be there.

"Would you like to see more of your soon-to-be kingdom?" Dallon offered once they’d finished their tour of the castle.

"Certainly," she smiled wearily. Her body was aching from sitting so long in the carriage earlier in the day, but she knew she must be a good guest. 

"I was inspired by you on your visit, I started learning more about my kingdom,” she said with a bit of pride once they were on their way.

"Oh really?"

(YN) nodded. "I learned there are many skilled tradesmen in my town. Wonderful gardeners who grow beautiful flowers and sustenance, bakers who make the most delicious treats, it's lovely. Do you have a bookstore?"

"I believe we do-"

"My town has the most wonderful bookstore! They bind the books themselves, most with the finest leather bindings that they can craft, and the smell is divine! And the nicest young man works there," she said, practically swooning.

Dallon let out a chuckle. "Well I'm sure you'll become just as enamoured with the books made here."

"I wonder if we could have them delivered from Ravenwood," (YN) said mostly to herself as she gazed out the window. 

"I suppose we could," Dallon answered.

(YN) glanced back at Dallon and tried to hide the excitement she was feeling. If she could have Mikey visit under the guise of delivering books, it wouldn't be perfect, but it would be better than never seeing him again.

As they continued their tour, (YN) did have to admit that spending time with Dallon wasn't terrible. She felt like they could get along well as friends, but she just didn’t find herself attracted to him romantically. Every little thing he did she compared back to Mikey; from how her hand fit in his, or how his lips felt as they grazed her cheek, or the way he looked at her. It wasn’t empty, maybe it was a look of pity, she couldn’t be sure, but the affection just wasn’t the same.

The week dragged on for what felt like forever, but finally it was the last evening of the trip, and the ball was about to begin. (YN) donned her favorite blue gown, steeled up her nerves, and descended the grand staircase into the ballroom.

“Presenting, Princess (YN) of Ravenwood,” the butler announced and the crowd turned to watch. At the bottom of the stairs, Dallon waited for her and she had to admit he did look handsome.

“Are you alright?” He leaned in and asked softly as she took his hand.

“Mmhmm,” she nodded, but she wasn’t. The event made everything feel real and official, soon she’d be here forever and the thought overwhelmed her completely. She didn’t want this, she wanted to be with Mikey.

But she did not have time to dwell on her feelings, as they immediately began greeting the guests. Names and faces blurred together in a flurry of curtsies and bows and well wishes.

After the initial rush of people, she found herself sitting on a couch, away from the crowd next to Dallon, finally finding a moment of quiet.

“I believe I’ve greeted enough people for the rest of the year,” Dallon sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Then we better push back the wedding date,” (YN) suggested, only partially joking.

Dallon laughed. “Maybe so,” he said, settling back and draping his arm over her shoulders. (YN) glanced over at him and he smiled back wearily. That’s when (YN) noticed a young woman watching them across the room that hadn't come over to greet them. The look of utter sadness on her face was heartbreaking.

"Dallon, who is that over there?" (YN) asked.

Dallon looked over and the smile faded from his face and he sighed. "That is Lady Leigh and she is one of the most wonderful, beautiful, caring people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing."

(YN) felt like she had the air knocked out of her. Dallon loved this poor girl who never stood a chance, and now she was being forced to see the man she clearly loved in return be flaunted and celebrated with another woman, someone who didn't, and could never, love him like she did. She realized it was probably how Mikey felt when he watched her leave town almost a week ago, and that made it all the worse.

She reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. "I'm so sorry," (YN) whispered.

Dallon nodded. "It’s not your fault. It is simply our duty."

Chapter 5

[illuminatvm]

INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Hello! I’m V, she/her, 25, EST, aquarius sun with an aries moon and rising. dumb as hell, illiterate as fuck. hobbies include buying books and never reading them, crying over the fact that i can't travel right now, and being consistently inconsistent with a hyperfixation.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS A WRITING PARTNER

oooh! okay, so i like to think i’m pretty laid back but that’s when i’ve gotten through all the nitty gritty of plotting. I love figuring out details and timelines, trading headcanons back and forth and really digging deep into a character and pushing their morals and beliefs and connections to others. I’m also a hoe for the aesthetique and love sending off musing inspo or instagram posts and quizzes between heart-wrenching angst. My writing style tends to veer towards the introspective prose at its best and at its most direct will focus on actions instead— which makes sense when my favourite threads to write are either emotionally harrowing or big fight scenes.

WHO ARE YOUR CHARACTERS?

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡

Faded mauve and golden gray // a soft voice in a nearly-gone memory // perfectly made earl gray tea // long-gone chateaus and gilded walls // heavy silk and creamy marble // eyes so blue you’ll drown // the safest you’ve felt in years // curated clutter // chiffon cake and pearls // peony-fragile wings // breathless laughter // subtle power // smiles are merely animals baring their teeth

Species: guardian angel

Age: Appears to be in her early/mid-thirties, dates back to the 1400’s

Occupation: real estate developer. 1% for the planet board member. LVMH shareholder

Spoken languages: The better question is, what language does she not know?

Current place of residence: a penthouse suite in downtown seattle

Time in Seattle: 10 years

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐲ş𝐞𝐠ü𝐥 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐥

welcome to the club // deep crimson and glittering gold // the overwhelming ache of melancholia // neon lights and leather jackets // a life in the shadows // golden rings twisting with worry // sharp eyeliner or none at all // longing to belong // lithe hands of creation // more blankets than you need // starlight is the best light // half-truths and sharp knives // laughter that shakes your being // not dead yet barely alive

Species: shadow-graced

Age: 28. became shadow-graced at 24.

Occupation: jeweler. small-business owner

Spoken languages: English, Turkish, Italian  

Current place of residence: apartment in capitol hill

Time in Seattle: four years

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐥𝐢

half-finished lattes // black t-shirts // empty mirrors // cracked book bindings // piles of coffee beans // hair pomade // lingering hugs // tired eyes // chocolate fondue // cloud couches // a labyrinth in human-form // a smoke filled chest // mulberry and cedar // old leather // messy hair // a watch glinting in the light // wolfish grins // early mornings and late nights // commanding attention

Species: vampire

Age: appears to be in mid-thirties. At the age of 35. Born in 1820.

Occupation: owner of Regime du Matin, independent bookstore + cafe

Spoken languages: English, Italian, French, German, Russian  

Current place of residence: top floor of Regime du Matin

Time in Seattle: two years

PLOT IDEAS / WANTED CONNECTIONS

Annora’s plot/wanted dynamics page

Feray’s plot/wanted dynamics page (coming tonight, i’m just being finicky)

Carmine’s plot/wanted dynamics page

PRESENT HEADCANONS

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚

To have lived for so long is both a blessing and curse. She remembers when palaces were built and bitterly recalls wars, can never hide the regret upon her features when she thinks of the fall of kingdoms and losses of beauty and majesty and brilliant minds. Devotion, steadfastness has matured, has evolved in the modern world and so too has Annora. Nowadays, you might see her working not merely to protect the people, but the place they inhabit. Technology and the divine have never been meant to mingle, but within her limits she involves herself with innovation— for the good of humanity. Of course, she is careful to remain in certain obscurity. Annora Leigh to mortals is a name forgettable and a face hardly seen. The world can not be saved by a single guardian angel, but she has not lived for so long that she can not try.

She likes to be busy, and she is. It isn’t uncommon for Annora to be in one city one day, then another the next. How she’s in Seattle continues to confuse the many as most of her real estate projects are on the eastern coast of the United States and Europe. But, she is here, and so far there are no signs of her leaving. An angel such as she isn’t so afraid of roaming the streets alone, not when her angelic lineage is so potent. If she isn’t working, she’s often volunteering, or spending time with those she considers her family— mortal or otherwise. If she could split herself into a legion, she could. Unfortunately, however, she is only one. Though that’s never quite stopped her from getting her way.

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲

She’d nearly died at the age of twenty-four while in London. In the years since, she and the entity she is bound to have settled here in Seattle, reverting to her birth-given name as she rediscovers herself in this new life, refining a new hobby of jewelry-making as she continues with a more quiet and subdued existence. Her workshop exists above the place where humans and supernatural-alike mingle, a club known for pleasure and indulgence. Lovers do no exist, friendships are distant if not fleeting. A love like her parents’ seems like an impossibility to her now. Her sins are her own, and watching love be wiped away by rage and betrayal was more than enough to cast herself away from the intimacy of knowing and being known. People couldn’t lose you, nor could you lose people if you weren’t present long enough for it to matter.

Though she lives in Capitol Hill, there are many days (and nights) that she’ll not stumble home until late. Her ties to the being that saved her from the brink of death are strangely pulled taut— so while her jewelry workshop (think brands like Sofia Zakia or Tippy Taste or Borcik Jewelry) and small storefront exists on the street level, an exclusive club of debauchery and sin exists below, its hours running until nearly dawn. Sometimes, you’ll find her posing as a bar girl, rarely will you see her indulging with or without the one who chose her for a life of the shadow-graced. But, she is loyal and indebted to them, and luckily in Seattle, everything is within arms reach.

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

Within him lies the great desire of perpetual warmth, and the ability to give that same warmth to others. That is what the cozy walls of his cafes evoke, what seeps from the man that seems wrapped in tarragon and cinnamon. No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Not when the last had left him so cold that he’d felt frozen from the inside out. The past few decades have been spent perfecting his craft, doing everything to feel warm and alive — from coffee, to spontaneous relocations, Carmine’s pursuit of never ending fire is never over. Perhaps there will be something, someone that will finally cause him to burn, to smolder brightly even in the light forever, something that’ll bring the restlessness within him to settle into sincere warmth. Or maybe he won’t, and he’ll lose his spark and suffer from an endless cold for the rest of his days.

Business as usual. The cafe caters to both humans and supernatural beings alike. However, humans only know of the main floor and upper two floors of the building. Supernatural creatures are able to access the two lower levels and the second-highest level of the cafe. Carmine lives on the uppermost floor, although all visitors have access to the roof. He’s far more content with his life here in Seattle than he assumed he would be. Although it’s largely in part to the environment he’s created for himself: not a bar, but a place to enjoy drinks and be with friends, curl up by a fire and get lost in a book that either you’d brought yourself or have pulled off of a shelf. He’s been known to be found lazing in the plush couches instead of returning to his own floor, but all staff members suggest you run when he picks up the guitar. The man has absolutely no musical talent. Please don’t ask him to sing.

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSPIRATIONS FOR YOUR MUSES 

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

[polarishq]

Good evening, everyone! This post will be a doozy, so I’ll cut to the chase. Some important group-wide changes and announcements are a-coming!

Expansion

This is probably our most exciting announcement. While Polaris has thus far been a bit of an invite group, after a poll and discussion between the admins, we’ve decided to start advertising in the tags! Because we still want to maintain something of a close knit-group, we have decided to put a limit on it though. Currently, we have 10 wonderful starbursts (including ourselves), and we have chosen to open our doors to a grand total of 18. In the next few days, we will begin advertising in the tags and updating some of our pages to make sure we’re ready for some fresh new faces. If anyone has tips on how we can best get ourselves up and running, we would more than appr4eciate it!

Activity

So far, we haven’t enforced any kind of activity, mostly because we know that it can sometimes be daunting to have to post. We still don’t want anyone to feel like they need to force themselves to get online, but since we will be opening up to some new pals, we do think it’s a necessary evil. Please don’t worry though! We’ve decided on something that is (hopefully) relaxed. If you haven’t posted within seven days, you’ll be put on an activity check. Failure to post within 24 hours of that will result in an unfollow and your roles being reopened.

Now, since this is a mumu and most of us love adding a new character every so often, we do have a little stipulation. It’’s not fair for someone who only has two characters to be held to the same activity standards as someone with, say, 22. So, our system will be as follows (for now, as a trial run):

If you have one character, you must post on that character within seven days.

If you have two to four characters, you must post on at least two of them to meet the activity requirement.

If you have five characters, you must post on at least three of them to meet the activity requirement.

If you have six or seven characters, you must post on at least four of them to meet the activity requirement.

Anyone with eight or more characters must post on at least five of their characters to meet the activity requirement.

So for an example, I (admin Jeanne) am currently at five characters. If only post on Haley and Lucia over the course of seven days, I wouldn’t be considered active. However, if I post on Haley, Lucia, Lenora, and Esther, then we are good to go! We know muse can be fickle, so hopefully this gives some wiggle room if you’re ever not feeling a particular muse for a spell.

I’ll be adding a hiatus form tomorrow for anyone who needs to take time off! Our first activity check will be seven days from today, so please make sure to post accordingly.

Memes and Tasks

We’re ending this massive post on a fun note! Starting this Wednesday, we’ll be having doing memes every other week. These will be reblogged on to the Polarisursas blog, so make sure you’re following! Specific guidelines can be found on the posts once we get things started. We’ll switch up the style, but in our experience, memes are always a fun way to get phones interacting and exploring their characters more! On the weeks that we don’t have a meme, we will post a task. These will (usually) be completely optional, but think of them as a way of doing a bit more of a deep dive into your characters and others!

Misc

All of these changes are on a trial run for now, and we hope that our players feel comfortable to come to use with any questions or concerns about them. This is first and foremost a group effort, and when Leigh and I first scream-texted about this idea weeks ago, I never thought we would get it off the ground for more than a day. We truly hope you’re all feeling comfortable, and we want that feeling to continue.

Leigh and I will be working on some more skeletons to be released over the next few days!! In addition, we’ll be whipping up a page offering inclination ideas, if you want a new character but don’t quite jive with any of the current skeletons. These will just be a sentence or two if you’re looking for a jumping-off point — some basic powers or skills that you’re free to expand on and assign to a constellation of your choice. Or you’re welcome to keep on using the skeletons that Leigh (because she’s the brains and beauty of this operation) magically crafts for us!!!

To conclude, we love you all. We hope to bring the fun of Polaris to others as well, and we know you lot will be as welcoming as ever. As always, feel free to send us any ideas. Future events, meme and task ideas, love, your Switch code so we can plan a giant Animal Crossings Party — the sky is the limit!

[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link-Chapter 52

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long to be updated. Hopefully now I am back on track and can update more regularly. 

IN DALLAS 

Jensen woke up and slowly opened his eyes. He glanced around at the room he was in; the guest room of his parents’ home. When he had packed up and moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career,  his mom had turned his old room into a crafts room. A place where she could go to get some quiet time and do what she enjoyed, creating little trinkets and keepsakes that she gives out to family and close friends as gifts. 

He sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He knew he had fucked up yesterday and last night, going off on Drea and ultimately leaving without much of an explanation. He knew that even though he had finally answered the phone when Jared called and had asked him to explain to Drea where he was headed it wasn’t the best recourse but by the time he had calmed down and realized his mistake, he was already halfway to Dallas. 

Jensen just hoped he hadn’t ruined what he and Drea had, that she would let him justify himself and forgive him. He also knew he wasn’t above begging.

A knock brought him out of his thoughts and his dad, Alan, stuck his head through the door.

“Morning son. Your mother wants to know if you’ll be staying for breakfast?”

“Morning dad,” Jensen rasped, his voice gruff from sleep. “Tell Mom I’ll be down in 10.”

Alan nodded and turned to leave. But then he stopped and looked back at his grown son. 

“Listen Jen. I know you are an adult and probably don’t think you need advice from an old man like me but I’m going to give it to you anyway.”

Jensen smiled at his dad. He actually would like to get some guidance and opinion from his dad. He looked up to the man, always had. Alan Ackles was what he intended to become.  A loving, hard-working man who took care of his family’s wants and needs.So any help his dad was willing to dole out Jensen would take to heart. 

“Now I don’t know why you showed up at our doorstep at bedtime last night but I have a feeling it has something to do with what happened at the party yesterday,” Alan paused long enough for his son to answer. When Jensen nodded he continued. “I know seeing your ex-wife with someone new, someone that isn’t you had to be…unsettling but you can’t let it ruin the other relationships in your life. You’ve moved on and you cannot expect Danneel not to. 

"So whatever you are feeling, suck it up son. You and Drea seem to be getting along and you do not want to destroy that.”

Nodding, Alan shut the door gently, giving Jensen time to reflect on his words. Jensen knew his dad was right. He couldn’t really be upset about Danneel moving on; and he really wasn’t. Not like everyone thought, at least. It was more of whom she moved on with. Dr. Josh Daniel’s, Drea’s ex. He didn’t know the whole story behind their breakup because he had never asked, but to know that Drea had given him her time and affection and he just threw it away like yesterday’s garbage didn’t sit right with Jensen. He knew firsthand just how loving and caring Drea was and he couldn’t imagine tossing it aside. Drea Murphy was the most respectful, most kind, supportive woman Jensen had ever known. She reminded him of his mother with her encouragement and loyalty. 

Running a hand over his head,  Jensen got out of bed to go downstairs to visit with the woman who he admired the most, Donna Ackles.

IN AUSTIN

6:45. Jackson begins his whimpering and I knew by the time I made it to his room, it would be a full on wail like it is every morning. I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed and by the time my hand touches the doorknob, the first loud cry sounds through the monitor.

“I’m on my way baby,” I mutter as I tread to his room. “Hey mister. It’s okay. Mommy’s here. Is my big man hungry?” I coo to my son as I pick him and lay him onto the changing table to switch the soiled diaper with a clean and dry one. Jackson lays there, watching me, his fussing down to just sniffles.

Gen is already in the kitchen, pouring coffee when I walk in carrying Jackson. “Good morning. Did we wake you?”

Gen smiles as she takes a sip of the scalding brew. “Nah, my internal clock wakes me up at 6 every morning. Guess it’s from all those years of getting up early for soccer practice and now with the boys,  they hardly ever sleep past 7.”

“Even now?” I ask, astonished.  I had been hoping that as Jackson got older he would begin sleeping longer. And both Gen’s boys were older than him so it wasn’t looking promising. 

“Yea. Welcome to motherhood. It’s great!” She chuckled.  “No seriously though, I love the time I get to spend with my kids teaching them things and watching them learn. And if that means I lose a few hours of sleep, then I’m not complaining. I can sleep when I’m dead and buried.”

I looked down at Jackson as he ate, staring back at me and took in her words. She was right. If I got to watch this precious little baby grow up and teach him right from wrong, a few lost hours of sleep was nothing. 

*GEN’S POV*

Drea was an excellent mother. Not once had she shirked her duties as Jackson’s parent. It made me even more hopeful of the idea I’d had. Now if Jared was receptive of it. He was wary of it when we spoke last night but I knew I could get him on board eventually.  It was way too soon to bring it up anyway with Drea and Jensen’s current dilemma.

“Did you ever hear from him after I went to bed?” I asked gently, not wanting to make Drea upset.

“No, but Donna did call to tell me he is set up in their guest room,” Drea explained to me. “She just wanted to assure me he was okay." 

"That was nice of her,” I said with a smile. “So what are you going to do today? Wanna take the kids to the park or something?” I sip on my cooling coffee as I watch her mull over the idea. 

“Yea, I guess that would be good,” she says as she switches Jackson from one side to the other and coax him onto the new breast. “After his nap, we can head over. I can’t stay here and wonder what went wrong. Why he up and left, saying he needed time, can I?”

“No, sweetie. You will just drive yourself crazy,” I soothe. “I’ll go wrangle my guys and then we’ll go let them run off some of that Padalecki energy. And give you a chance to get your mind off things for a while.”

“Yea sounds good.”

*END GEN’S POV*

After Gen left to go back home, I got Jackson changed again and entertained him until he began yawning, signaling that it was time for his mid-morning nap. 

Once he was asleep and settled into his crib, I wandered into mine and Jensen’s bedroom to grab my phone. Checking it for messages, I was not surprised to see the notifications were empty. No messages, no missed calls.

I sighed and placed the phone back onto the nightstand and grabbed some clothes to change into after a quick shower.

A day with the Padalecki’s would surely get my mind off of wondering if my relationship with Jensen was over.

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss 

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