#legend strikes me as the type who would need a lot of convincing to actually play but then he would get way too into it

[scaredslugless]

Modern au Just Dance night 💃🕺

Bonus: the reason they are wearing the wrist straps

[tigerkirby215]

5e Dr. Mundo, the Madman of Zaun build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Alex “alexplank” Flores made for Riot Games.)

Honestly with my new summer job I’ve been having less and less time to both write builds and play League. I could really use a character who requires very little effort to play in LoL, who’s also very easy to translate into D&D...

Oh wait!

GOALS

Mundo's pain always at zero - Above all else Mundo is a big bulky boy with many an option to become bigger and bulkier.

Take two of these! - We need to throw a lot of bonesaws. Like, a lot of bonesaws.

Electricity make the brain work good - The only truly “magical” effect in Mundo’s arsenal is the ability to charge the area around him with lightning.

RACE

Mundo’s hardly a human anymore, and I can’t just make every character a variant human or custom lineage. I’m not going to get a chance to make a Goliath anytime soon so Mundo may as well be one! As a Golliath you get a +2 to Strength and a +1 to Constitution. You are a Natural Athlete with proficiency in the Athletics skill, and have a Powerful Build to carry more Bonesaws.

You can get some innate magic resistance, as being Mountain Born gives you resistance to Cold damage. But most importantly you can choose to just not take damage thanks to Stone’s Endurance. When you take damage, you can use your reaction to roll a d12. Add your Constitution modifier to the number rolled and reduce the damage by that total. After you use this trait, you can’t use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CONSTITUTION - Mundo is a tank above all else, and additionally you have a +1 in CON thanks to your race so you’ll have nice even stats to start out!

14; STRENGTH - Healthy boy building a healthy body~

13; DEXTERITY - Don’t get me wrong Mundo is a slow lad, but DEX saves are useful as is having good AC.

12; CHARISMA - Charisma is tied to intimidation as well as good bedside manner.

10; WISDOM - Isn’t Medicine a Wisdom skill? Why, I don’t believe this man has ever been to medical school!

8; INTELLIGENCE - "Mundo not remember Mundo before Mundo was Mundo."

BACKGROUND

There isn’t a doctor background... but Plaintiff from Acquisitions Incorporated is surprisingly close! You get proficiency with Medicine and Persuasion (feel free to swap this out if you desire) as well as an Artisan’s Tool of your choice (you say Carpenter’s Tools, I say medical tools!) and a language of your choice (pick your poison.)

Your feature of Legalese can be replaced with knowledge of medical terminology like “pharmacistcistist”, “prognosis“, and “anesthesezee.” Who knows? Doctor knowledge may help if you talk to other doctors!

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - BARBARIAN 1

I hope you weren’t expecting anything fancy from a guy whose kit consists of “hit stuff”, “hit stuff”, “regen health”, and “hit stuff.” You get two skills from the Barbarian list like Intimidation and Survival (which is more just you being lucky and built like a walking tank.) You can also walk around in “medical scrubs” thanks to Unarmored Defense equal to 10 plus your Constitution modifier and your Dexterity modifier (so currently 14.)

But of course the main trait of a Barbarian is Rage to go where you please. A Maximum Dosage of Rage gives you advantage on Strength checks and saves, extra damage with Strength weapons, and resistance to Bludgeoning, Piercing, and Slashing damage. Basically it makes you hit hard while taking no damage. You have a limited number of uses of this ability as shown on the Barbarian table.

LEVEL 2 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians can inflict some Blunt Force Trauma with a Reckless Attack, giving themselves advantage while also giving enemies advantage to hit them. You can also further go where you please thanks to Danger Sense, giving you advantage on Dexterity saves against effects you can see coming at you. It’s almost like negating the effect entirely.

LEVEL 3 - BARBARIAN 3

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Medical College-I mean Primal Path, and for those of you who know a thing or two about Barbarians you know of the only way I have to give you Heart Zapper: Path of the Storm Herald. When you pick this subclass you can choose between one of three Storm Auras, and while Desert would work if you want to play pre-rework Mundo Sea is far better for post-rework Mundo and in general. As a Bonus Action while raging you can choose one other creature you can see within 10 feet of you. The target must make a Dexterity saving throw or take a of d6 lightning damage, or half as much damage on a successful save.

Now might be a good time to talk about your choice of weapons as Mundo: your main weapon is definitely a Hand Axe that you can throw around, but the thing about Hand Axes is that they have a low range and cost a ton. So I’d actually suggest using Javelins for your Infected Bonesaw.

As for your secondary weapon I’d suggest a Light Hammer as your Doctor Bag (for Blunt Force Trauma) but as a Storm Herald you won’t have a Bonus Action to use for Two-Weapon Fighting. So you can focus on dealing as much damage with your main attacks using a d8 martial weapon. Basically I’m suggesting you carry a Battleaxe in your main hand and have your off-hand open to throw Javelins at the enemy. Or run in with a Greataxe if you want. Heck you can even pick up a shield if you want: make your own Mundo!

Also Tasha is a very good doctor, as she fixed the Barbarian to give it Primal Knowledge! You can get one more skill from the Barbarian list like Perception, because why not be more useful outside of the medical ward?

LEVEL 4 - BARBARIAN 4

Want to actually be a doctor? Grab the Healer feat to do some doctoring. Want to be a canonically bad doctor? Just take more Constitution and live forever lol.

(Artwork by Marie Magny and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 5 - BARBARIAN 5

5th level Mundos can auto attack cancel and attack twice with Extra Attack! You also get Fast Movement to further chase down your foes with cleavers and lighting!

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 6

6th level Storm Herald Barbarians can go where they please thanks to Storm Soul. It grants you resistance to a specific type of damage and for you that damage type would be Lightning. You can also go into a specific environment if you desire, and as a Sea Barbarian you get a 30 foot swimming speed! River Mundo.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 7

7th level Barbarians have a Feral Instinct for doctoring! You get advantage on initiative rolls, and in addition you can’t be surprised as long as you Rage at the start of your turn!

Tasha’s also gave you an option to reach out and zap someone thanks to  Instinctive Pounce, letting you move up to half your movement speed when you Rage!

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 8

You might be thinking I’d grab more Strength at this point... Ha ha no; Mundo goes where he pleases, and more Constitution will give you the health and AC to do so.

(Artwork by Terence Cantal and West Studios. Made for Riot Games)

LEVEL 9 - BARBARIAN 9

9th level Barbarians get Brutal Criticals without building for crit chance! If you crit you roll 3 damage die instead of 2, which is good because your Strength isn’t doing you many favors in the damage department.

LEVEL 10 - BARBARIAN 10

10th level Barbarians can help the comoonity thanks to Shielding Storm. Now all friends and fellow doctors within 10 feet of you get resistance to Lightning damage! Oh and speaking of Lightning damage: your Storm Aura now (finally) increases to 2d6, meaning that you can get some value out of your big CON to do damage!

Additionally Tasha’s lets you have even more Primal Knowledge at this level: Animal Handling will help you talk with your nurse? I dunno; Mundo doesn’t exactly strike me as a knowledgable guy really.

LEVEL 11 - BARBARIAN 11

11th level Barbarians simply have too much health to die! If you drop to 0 hit points while you’re raging and don’t die outright, you can make a DC 10 Constitution saving throw. If you succeed, you drop to 1 hit point instead thanks to Relentless Rage! Each time you use this feature after the first, the DC increases by 5. When you finish a short or long rest, the DC resets to 10.

LEVEL 12 - BARBARIAN 12

���12th level Barbarians can finally increase their Strength!” I hear you say. Lol no. The Slasher feat will give you some much-needed slows to keep enemies close, and will let you increase your Dexterity by 1 for more AC. Having the Slasher feat also finally gives a convincing argument for you to throw Hand Axes as opposed to javelins, which is nice.

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - BARBARIAN 13

13th level Barbarians get even bigger Brutal Criticals that do 4 total damage die of damage! Mundo does as much damage as he pleases!

LEVEL 14 - BARBARIAN 14

At level 14 the Raging Storm of the Sea forces enemies you hit within 10 feet to make a Strength saving throw or be knocked prone. Honestly while the rest of this class was kinda a bust inflicting Blunt Force Trauma on your foes is huge, as being knocked prone gives all melee allies advantage to hit an enemy while also forcing an enemy to spend time standing back up.

LEVEL 15 - BARBARIAN 15

15th level Barbarians are always regenerating health, as Persistent Rage is permanent until the duration expires or you fall unconscious. (Or you choose to end your Rage.) That’s really nice because your Storm Aura now does 3d6 damage, meaning you can keep zapping with your Heart Zapper!

LEVEL 16 - BARBARIAN 16

Strength for damage man; Mundo not damage man! Mundo doctor, and Mundo goes where he pleases! Take the Tough feat for 32 more health now and up to 40 more health when you reach max level!

(Artwork by Xu “Crow God” Cheng and Alvin Lee. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 17 - BARBARIAN 17

17th level Barbarians increase their Brutal Critical to roll 5 die total on a Nat 20. Because whether you want to do the most damage, take the most damage, or you know... fucking both then Barbarian is the right class for you.

LEVEL 18 - BARBARIAN 18

18th level Barbarians get Indomitable Might, letting them replace a roll on a Strength check with their Strength score if their check is lower than their total score. Man this sure would be more useful if we didn’t basically dump Strength.

LEVEL 19 - BARBARIAN 19

So how about we finally stop dumping Strength and bump it up to an 18 with our last Ability Score Improvement... Eh it’s still not great...

LEVEL 20 - BARBARIAN 20

Well thankfully Primal Champion is here to increase your Strength and Constitution by 4. And want to know what’s great about this ability? It also increases your maximums for those abilities to 24, meaning that you will have a grand total of 22 in Strength and 24 in Constitution!

And to top it off your Storm Aura now does a whopping 4d6 Lightning damage, which means you can officially say that Storm Herald was a better pick than Berserker or the Polearm Master feat.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

One-bajillion drops of healing juice, stat! - While I wasn’t able to give Mundo his health regen I still got him some crazy high health values. When I was done with this build I genuinely looked at the character sheet and said “I have never seen a character with 325 health before." 325 health along with 19 AC means that you can damn well go wherever you please.

How we doing patient; you numb yet? Mundo is! - While you don’t have the same near-endless supply of resistances as a Bear Totem Barbarian resisting two types of magic damage is useful. Feel free to play pre-rework Mundo with the Desert Aura if you think Fire damage will be more common in your campaign. And I dunno: maybe try to get some magic items to resist more elemental damage types?

Huh? Supposed to be painless - Even without big investment in Strength the Storm Herald Barbarian is quite good at quite good at dishing out DPS, with a big burst of magic damage every round and the ability to knock enemies prone which will really help your melee allies. Not to mention that Brutal Critical means that your Nat 20s will really help you cut off some limbs!

CONS

Beep... beep... beeeep... - Dumping your mental stats has its penalties, and you’ll be failing most of your saving throws. You could’ve perhaps grabbed the Lucky feat for some health insurance (honestly if you can max out your CON and STR before level 20 I’d suggest grabbing Lucky just to reroll some saves), but let’s just say you aren’t completely CC immune.

Me forgot how to doctor... Back to medicine school! - Low mental stats also hurt in roleplay, and while you have a surprising amount of proficiencies (thanks Tasha’s) most of them are for rather niche skills with the exception of perhaps Perception and Persuasion.

Patient; why you out of bed?! - You can throw axes but you’re not exactly a ranged combatant. Most if not all your abilities have very short range, maxing out at around 10 feet. You’re extremely hard to shake off if you can get close but enemies that can kite you will give you a lot of trouble.

But if you want to run in and hit stuff while never dying then Mundo is the man for you! Replace all your brains with brawn to truly go where you please. Just remember that unlike League you’re not completely immune to CC, meaning that it’s more than possible to get put in time out for awhile. But it’s okay if you do; everyone has to take a sick day sometimes!

(Artwork by Terence Cantal and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

[burnedbyshoto]

Toyomitsu Taishiro (Fatgum) - HC

a/n: so I realized just how indepth these things really are, so scheduling I had is a joke, but whateva! happy four months lovlies :D

SFW:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)

HE IS A BIG PHAT LIVING TEDDY BEAR DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? HE IS AS AFFECTIONATE AS YOU WILL LET HIM BE!!!!!!!!

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

If you, his s/o, ever learned how to make takoyaki. You don’t even have to be an amazing chef, this small act of cooking his favorite food will make him worship the ground you stand on (as if he wasn’t already doing that!)

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

You know those huge fluffy stuffed animals you wanted as a kid and you’d just lay on top of their big poofy stomach and just hold on because you were living the life??? That’s cuddling with Taishiro and you can’t convince me otherwise. Also, he loves it when you do it??? It just makes him feel super amazing???

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

He would love to open a poor kitchen with you. The two of you are that couple that everyone respects because of how kind and generous you are, and this kitchen would mean so much to those in the community that needs it.

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

He’s very busy as a hero, and most nights he is very tired, but he will always dedicate his free day to you. Of course, it’s surrounded with errands, but just being with you is enough. He puts as much effort into his relationship with you as he can.

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

He will give you his hero hoodie. The soft and warm extremely large fabric of the jacket drowns you, but also makes you feel safe. He’ll wait for you to want his physical help, but for now, take the hoodie.

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

Taishiro is the boyfriend who buys the rose from the local flower shop and brings it back with him on his way home. He gives you little gifts that make you smile, not really into really big and extravagant gifts unless the occasion calls for it. He enjoys the small things because you remember them just as well. He never expects a gift back and is genuinely shocked whenever you bring something home for him.

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

He is a big hugger. He will hug you more than kiss you, not even going to lie about it, but you enjoy it. Taishiro is an amazing hugger and it makes you feel safe, soft and warm.

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

He is a huge romantic and is never ever afraid to demonstrate that to you or anyone. Never misses an important date, always texts you happy anniversary! Even month 18 he will send a heartwarming message as if it was a huge one!

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

He’s a bit of a jealous man because you are amazing. Of course, this jealousy doesn’t drive him to do anything, but he knows that many men scoff at him because he is in his large form! But he never fights anyone unless provoked into a fight; instead, he just glares at them which is super scary because he’s typically such an easygoing man.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

He is a good kisser!!! His lips are never chapped, and he loves peppering kisses all over your face!!!!!!! He loves kissing you and will kiss you as often as you want him too.

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

He says “i love you” at a year. He fells it well before, but he felt that those words hold a lot of meaning, and he wants to express these genuine feelings to you at a special moment in your relationship because you mean the world to him. Afterward, he will continue saying it every day. If he had to choose between expressing it or saying, he would always show it.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

He wants to marry you, for sure! The ceremony would be small and intimate with only people the two of you love going!

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

You two visit a lot of restaurants together! Cooking classes!!!! Weekend trips to some taste-testing place!!!! wALKS THROUGH THE COMMUNITY?!?!?!!? They happen every week.

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

He will not change his form for you. If you prefer FitGum over him, he won’t ever change himself.

P =Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

He’s actually a very serious lover. Don’t let the wide grin and pleasant personality fool you. He is very very serious, that’s not to say he won’t play around with you or not joke around, but he likes being as straightforward and clear as he can be.

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

He will ask for your opinion on things, he wants to hear your thoughts because he respects your input and ideas. He is also a very open and honest person; he shares his opinions even if they contradict your own.

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

He’s not predictable but also not spontaneous. Like, you expect things from him because he’s a very routine guy, but he still manages to make every single routine something new for you.

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

You can sleep on top of his belly, he loves it and he doesn’t move in his sleep so it works out! It also makes sharing the blankets easy!

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

Taishiro trusts you completely. He never doubts what you say, and even if he thinks you’re lying he trusts you’ll come around and tell him the truth eventually.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)

His compliments. I know, compliments aren’t special or anything new, but there’s something so strangely different, so warming about the way he compliments you. It strikes your soul and warms you up whenever he praises you. You may not have a praise kink, but maybe you do now.

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

Taishiro actually really really hates being vulnerable in front of you. As a hero, he thinks that it isn’t correct for him to be breaking at the seams. But, when he has to be, it can be at any point because hero work is so fucking exhausting… he’s just… sad. The smile on his face is shakey, his appetite is gone, he’s a shell of who he is, and you both don’t like it.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

Taishiro and you have a long-running game of throwing food into each other’s mouths in the most creative ways possible. The best one so far was when he threw a takoyaki from his stomach hundreds of meters into the sky and you caught it. LEGENDS ONLY!!!!

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

He will cater to you without even blinking an eye. Taishiro will overfeed you because you need the energy to heal! He will giVE YOU HIS JACKET AND I JUST REALLY WANT TO WEAR IT OKAY

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

Super picky eaters. Now now, i know there are picky eaters out there, but i’m talking about picky eaters who won’t let him try any new foods. No, he does not care if you only want chicken tenders for the rest of your life, but if you won’t let him try a new restaurant because they don’t have anything it does bug him.

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

He is a super intimate and passionate lover!!! He will try his best with what he has to give to you, and he loves it when you return it to him on every level.

NSFW:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He lays there for a while, trying to capture his breath again. When he gets up, he always makes the two of you tea, and he returns with some food and whatever you need.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite feature is his legs, they’re just super strong and goddamn do you look hot as fuck when you’re sitting on his lap. His favorite body part on you is your mouth. Your pretty little mouth that can suck him off, kiss him like no one else, and whisper the most sinful things in his ear… yeah, he loves your mouth.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His cum is… a weird taste. He has a good appetite, but he does sometimes eat questionable things, and it… is evident. But he loves watching you swallow his thin yet full load.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has kept a pair of your candy panties that he didn’t get to finish and ate it in public one day because he was able to pass it off as a candy bracelet… you don’t know that though...

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He is actually not that experienced... unfortunately most people see his fat form and scoff at him because of that, even if he is a kind man. Having sex with these women was especially hard, and since he was busy for a long time he never let it bother him, but he was sort of a natural. He knows how to move his body.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

The standing pretzel (this one is fucking amazing btw) and loves fucking you when you’re on a swing.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is more serious in bed, but will always be smiling. It’s passionate and meaningful to him, so he tries to avoid joking around. But if you’re into it, he doesn’t mind. 

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

It’s surprising very well-groomed. Almost to the point where it’s shaved off completely. (it’s for less friction with his hero costume)

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Loves to be super intimate and romantic. He is the kind of guy to hide flowers in the room and present them to you after fucking when you’re about to pass out.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t masturbate often. When he does, it happens more typically in the shower because he thinks you can’t hear him… you can… every time

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

FOOD PLAY FOOD PLAY FOOD PLAY!!!! Hairpulling, thigh-riding, overstimulating (giving), and blindfolds

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

In his office�� oh my god, he loves bending you over his desk and making you come whenever you visit for lunch or something

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You. in. a. candy. bra. and. panties. Also, just sending him a very small thirst text/provocative picture is gonna get you some Daddygum dick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Anything with humiliation. Do not ask him to be FitGum for bed, he literally will ignore you for the rest of the week. There are times he comes back with his low BMI so if you want to seduce that very tired and drained hero, be his guest, but never ever ask for it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves giving it more. But goddamn you just look so fucking delicious going down on him that he doesn’t mind when you beat him to oral.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Isn’t too slow isn’t too fast. It’s why sex with him is so exhausting because you’ll come twice in ten minutes but it’s such a painful yet pleasurable ten minutes.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not into quickies unless he’s in the office, then, by all means, let’s make each other come in 3 minutes.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is into experimenting as long as the two of you take it slow while introducing it into the bedroom. Like, don’t dial it up to 15 until you both are comfortable.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can last a few healthy rounds but nothing more than four rounds in one night.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He owns a fair share of toys that he much would rather use on you. Like he bought you a vibrator that does it’s job fucking right.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Will never ever say he likes to tease, but he’s a natural fucking tease and just isn’t aware. He will be fucking you at such a slow pace, his words teasing promises as he makes sure you can’t fuck him any faster. He’s a goddamn tease okay.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s quite vocal. He thinks words are very powerful and so will make sure he praises your every damn move if he must.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Really really really fucking loves being called hero in bed. He takes so much pride in his work that hearing it being slipped from your mouth… big phat nut.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s a big dick daddy. There’s no way he isn’t. Like nine inches with a considerable girth to it. Not veiny though, pinker than the rest of his body, and has a leftward curve.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a good sex drive… oh yeah, he can push himself to stay up every night to fuck you if needed.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Having sex really reenergizes him! He will definitely go finish up with last minute things afterward if you don’t fall asleep/want to cuddle.

[ihavethoughtsplural]

Blood and Chocolate: An Adaptation in Name Only

Previously: Section 0 - Introduction

Section 1 – The Book

Preface: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is DENSE.  The paperback only spans 264 pages, but the story follows the coming of age of a dynamic and flawed female protagonist, encompasses ancient werewolf legends and laws, goes in depth into lycanthropic politics, and also features a love triangle, a teenage soap opera, a forbidden romance, and a goddamned murder mystery.

Summary: Vivian Gandillon is a 15-year-old werewolf.  A year after her father was killed in the fire that destroyed their home, Vivian is lost and grieving while her leaderless pack falls apart in the Maryland suburbs that they fled to.  Aiden, a tall, gentle human classmate attracts her attention and presents Vivian an escape from the tangled, animalistic world of werewolves.  Keeping her lycanthropy secret, Vivian begins to date Aiden, defying the laws of her people.   Vivian is pressured to break things off by her mother, her five delinquent age-mates, and the would-be leader, Gabriel. Gabriel, a 24 year-old welder, is attractive, intimidating and the object of intense romantic competition.  He, more than any other, tries to convince Vivian that her dalliance with a human is dangerous, eventually revealing that he speaks from painful personal experience. The story twists and turns, tearing Vivian and Aiden apart while pulling Vivian and Gabriel together.  In the end, through many trials, Vivian discovers that she can’t escape either her human or her animal nature, and must embrace both.  

Themes: Vivian’s central character arc finds her struggling with what she wants as opposed to what she needs.  At the opening of the novel, Vivian wants to escape the violent chaos of her pack, with its painful history and uncertain future. She finds that escape in Aiden, with his Beaver Cleaver family, his lovably quirky friends, and his sweetness and simplicity.   However, when the time comes to reveal the hidden aspects of her identity, Aiden can’t handle it.  Despite his supernatural curiosity, he cannot accept the supernatural when it presents itself to him.  His rejection sends Vivian into a tailspin of self-destruction that only ends when she accepts the love that Gabriel is offering, a love that honors all of what she is.  To ultimately find happiness, Vivian had to give up what she wanted and embrace what she needed. In addition to this, there is also a great deal of time in the novel spent contrasting the human and the animal sides of Vivian’s nature.  Her two suitors Aiden and Gabriel represent, respectively, the human and the animal. Scenes of Vivian socializing with Aiden and his human friends are juxtaposed with scenes of Vivian’s werewolf pack brutally vying for dominance.  The very title of the book is a reference to this dichotomy, Blood – representing Vivian’s animal desires, and Chocolate – representing Vivian’s human longings.   Throughout the novel, Vivian swings between these two extremes, at one point drinking herself into a heartbroken stupor over Aiden, then blacking out and waking up in her bed next to a severed hand. She tries, in her romance with Aiden, to balance her human and animal sides, but she only achieves that balance with Gabriel, a partner who also exists in the grey area between man and beast.

Highs: These are the aspects of the novel have captivated my imagination and kept this book in my collection for so long.

o   Werewolf Society:  It’s a damn shame that Klause hasn’t written more stories within this framework, because it is absolutely ripe for exploration and development.  The enormous potential here is one of the primary reasons why this book has held my fascination for so long and why I have written so much (published and unpublished) fanfiction for it.

o   Flawed Characters: No one who’s read the book will tell you that Vivian is perfect or even likeable 100% of the time, but it fits with her characterization as a grieving, lost teenager and serves to make her all the more like an actual person.  Most of the characters are like that, with their good qualities balanced or sometimes overwhelmed by their less savory sides.  It makes the fictional world feel richer and more realistic, despite the supernatural elements.

o   Consequences: The characters in this novel make real, awful mistakes, and they face lasting consequences for them.  One of Vivian’s mistakes – maiming Astrid while defending her mother, directly leads to Vivian’s ex, Rafe, getting sucked into Astrid’s revenge plot, leading to Vivian being framed for murder and the eventual executions of both Rafe and Astrid, during which Vivian is accidentally shot by Aiden.  

CONSEQUENCES!   They make the story more believable, more suspenseful, and this novel, with its cast of flawed characters, would not have worked without them.

o   Assertive Female Protagonist: Vivian is refreshingly frank about her desires, which is very noticeable in her courtship with Aiden.  Aiden assumes that he has to advance their physical relationship slowly so as to not frighten or offend Vivian, while Vivian urges him on.  She doesn’t hesitate when going after what she wants, and she’s not ashamed of her sexuality.  It’s a welcome change from the restrictions that western society places on female desire, and I’d like to see more characters like her.

Lows:  Blood and Chocolate is far from perfect, but, in my opinion, there are three glaring flaws in this book, and I would be remiss if I didn’t address them.

o   The Esme Question: The first point is one that, once seen, cannot be unseen. Vivian’s mother, Esme, is one of the women competing for Gabriel’s affections at the beginning of the novel.  It is established that they go on dates (“Saw your mother go into Tooley’s bar with Gabriel last night.” p. 18), but Klause is not explicit about how far their relationship has gone.  This ambiguity leaves open a potentially disturbing possibility:  

It is canonically possible that Gabriel had a sexual relationship with Esme and then moved on to sexually pursue her daughter, Vivian.

Personally, I can reasonably believe that Gabriel and Esme never progressed beyond idle flirting because:

a.       Vivian strikes me as the type of person who would mark her mother’s sexual partners as “off limits”.

b.       Up until just past the Ordeal scene, both Esme and Astrid are still fighting over Gabriel, implying that neither of them had really “won” him.  

c.       The possibility outlined above seems like it would be a bridge too far to be included in a YA novel, especially in the 90′s.  

Your mileage may vary.  I’ve seen reviews of the book whose negative ratings hinge on the fact that Gabriel dated Esme at all, irrespective of whether their relationship was sexual or not.  Honestly?  I can’t blame them.  If the mere existence of this possibility squicks you out, then it’s likely going to sour the ending and ruin the rest of the book for you.

o   The Age Differences: The second point is the least defensible. At the end of the novel, Vivian is 16 and Gabriel is 24.  That minor/adult 8 year age gap constitutes a “yikes” in my part of the world.  Klause skirts this by establishing that werewolf society has some stark differences with human society, namely that a 16 year old female is considered an adult by werewolf law.  This is still a rather uncomfortable detail to be included in an American YA novel, and the older I get, the more uncomfortable it becomes.

In addition to the Vivian/Gabriel age gap, there is the even wider Astrid/Rafe age gap. Rafe is Vivian’s ex and age mate, although there are reasons to assume that he is slightly older than her.  This places him somewhere in a probable 16-18 age range. He is canonically younger than 21, which makes him, according to werewolf law, not yet an adult.  Astrid has a son who is also Vivian’s age, which places Astrid somewhere in her late 30’s to mid 40’s.  In the book, Astrid and Rafe have a sexual relationship.

To be fair to Klause, this is framed in the novel as being toxic and ultimately destructive to both Astrid and Rafe.  Near the end of the story, Rafe finally realizes that Astrid has been taking advantage of him, turning Rafe, in my opinion, into a tragic victim of manipulation. ��

Let me leave this segment with a PSA:

If you’re reading this and you’re underage, please don’t enter into a “relationship” with an adult.  The adults in these scenarios in the real world are predators, and they’re preying on your inexperience and naïveté.  They know that you probably won’t recognize relationship red flags and they think they can pressure you into doing unsafe and unhealthy things in the name of “love”. Stay safe, kids!

o   Sexual Harassment:   My third and final low point is one that I have very mixed feelings about.  As a result, this is the longest segment of this post, so strap in. In the novel, many of the interactions between Vivian and male characters are inappropriately sexual.  The most egregious offenders are the Five, Gabriel, and Aiden’s father. The Five, Vivian’s male werewolf peers, are crass, rude and arrogant.  Led by Rafe, they display a lot of entitlement for Vivian’s affections.  The most pointed (and gross) of these displays happens on p.41:

“You’re not Princess Wolf now,” Rafe growled behind her.  “Wait too long and we’ll take what we want.” 

That?  Yeah, that’s a direct rape threat!  Rafe also goes on to grope Vivian at her birthday party.  He’s a peach!   Gabriel’s harassment mostly takes the form of unwanted advances.  It peaks after the Ordeal, the battle royale where Vivian accidentally wins the right to be Gabriel’s mate.  In the aftermath, Gabriel corners Vivian in her kitchen, forces a non-consensual kiss on her and declares his intentions to court her.   Aiden’s father is notable in the contrast he provides.  Vivian only interacts with him once, when Aiden invites her to a family cookout. During this scene, he repeatedly leers at her, makes suggestive comments and on p. 79:

Vivian could hear the innuendo in Mr. Teague’s voice.  It made her skin crawl.

However, if you compare Mr. Teague’s harassment to Gabriel, the Five and others, you’ll find that there is a significant difference in Vivian’s reaction.  Vivian isn’t afraid to bite back at the Five’s harassment – scoring vivid revenge for Rafe’s groping when she injures his genitals.  She tries to do the same to Gabriel when he forces a kiss on her, but he relents on his own.   We see a similar dynamic when Esme snaps at Bucky, another male werewolf, who catcalls her in a bar.  This forms a pattern which suggests that forceful sexuality is a feature of werewolf culture.  Vivian confirms this the first time that she and Aiden kiss on p. 51:

“He was gentle.  She hadn’t expected that.  Kisses to her were a tight clutch, teeth, and tongue.”

And this is where my mixed feelings come in. I don’t condone the harassment that Vivian experiences, but I understand why Klause wrote it.  Any author writing inhuman characters can’t simply tell us that they are inhuman, they have to show it.  The forceful sexuality of the werewolf characters in this book is one way that Klause clearly shows that they are NOT human and serves as a contrast to the human characters.   But where does Aiden’s dad fit into this?  His harassment is milder than the Five’s or Gabriel’s, but it disgusts Vivian in a way that the other harassment didn’t.  Why?  Sexual harassment seems to be a constant feature of her pack life.  This isn’t even the only time that an older man leers at her – on p. 115, in the same scene where Esme gets catcalled:

Some of those male eyes strayed to Vivian, too, and she preened at the thought of being a threat.

That’s a far cry from the skin-crawling disgust she felt with Mr. Teague, but it’s basically the same offense.  What’s different?  We find it in a conversation with him on p. 74:

“I would think a girl like you would go out with someone older.” He winked at Vivian. Like someone your age?  Vivian thought, repelled by the man’s lack of loyalty to his son.

Vivian’s disgust stems from the fact that the man flirting with her is her boyfriend’s father.  She’s shown to welcome sexual attention from other older men, and she has no problems handling more overt harassment, but the paternal disloyalty sickens her. The overt sexual harassment is there, and if it makes it impossible for you to enjoy the book, I don’t blame you.  Your feelings are valid, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.  Personally, I understand the authorial reasoning behind its inclusion, and its utility as a characterization tool, so it doesn’t prevent me from enjoying the story. Your mileage may vary.

Verdict: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is flawed, but fascinating.  It sets multifaceted characters into a tantalizing world of men and monsters, where the line between good and evil is blurred into nonexistence.  It is, despite its problematic elements, my favorite book.

Next: Section 2 - Adaptation Challenges

[mbti-notes]

Would you mind explaining why you see Rey as ESFJ and Kylo Ren as INTP from the new Star Wars? I've always seen Rey as a stereotypical ISFP action hero (quick to adapt to new situations, hands on, a fierce sense of 'moral right' borne of self), and I'm undecided on Kylo, but thought he exhibited FP tendencies -- a struggle between self-identity and rationality, that indicates a F/T imbalance.

[con’t: In reading Leonore Thomson’s book on personalities, the Fi-dom section brought Kylo to mind – unless prone to developing Se/Ne, the IFP fiercely guards their sense of ‘identity’ / self against outside influences and becomes rigid. Isn’t that what he’s doing, in differentiating himself from his parents and refusing to see reality any other way than what he has decided it is, based on his feelings / experiences?]

Judging by the debates I saw online, there doesn’t seem to be any general consensus on either character, which is interesting. It’s a trilogy and the character development beats are scattered and difficult to piece together. And there were several blanks that I had to fill with my own speculation. I didn’t really enjoy the process of typing these characters, but I did it because I kept on receiving requests week after week ever since the first movie came out. I found the character development arcs shallow and poorly paced, and the resolutions were too pat to be very interesting. I reviewed the Kylo and Rey scenes several times, with different personality types in focus each time, in order to ensure that the function pieces fit together to my satisfaction.

      ***** Major spoilers ahead! ******

Kylo

Although I think there are weak points in her book, I don’t take issue with Thomson’s description of Fi doms. I mainly disagree with the motive that you ascribe to Kylo. I don’t think he’s being protective of his identity, I don’t think he cares about identity, in the way that Fi doms do. I will concede that he gives the impression of being a rebellious teenager in defying his parents/mentor/birthright, but defiance alone does not make him Fi dom. Pretty much everyone (even some animal species) goes through a stupid teenage phase of rebellion at some point in their life, and some people never properly get past it. To me, he looks like a stuck-in-adolescence INTP: entirely too full of himself and blind to everything else.

One little point made it difficult for me to settle on a type. Leia was absolutely convinced that Kylo was “manipulated” by Snoke/Palpatine to join the dark side, but there was little indication from Kylo, Luke, and Han that this was actually the case. Should we trust Leia, since the movie portrayed her as being much more powerful than meets the eye, or should we trust Kylo’s subjective experience of himself as being fully and completely the master of his own fate? I go for the latter. If anyone’s going to be prone to blind belief, it’s a mom who doesn’t want to admit that she’s lost her son to her enemies. And I see no compelling evidence that he is a person who’s easily manipulated, emotionally or otherwise, which is a big strike against F. If you see such evidence, please present it.

The most revealing aspect of Kylo’s development was found in the conflicting and exaggerated accounts about what happened with Luke that led to the destruction of the Jedi academy. If you grow up being fed a constant diet of legends about galactic warfare from the Alliance, you’re naturally going to think of the Jedi as the good guys and the Empire as the bad guys (as we, the audience, are supposed to). However, if you’re Ben Solo, you don’t experience the Jedi as good guys, at all. He was “abandoned” by parents who were too busy/neglectful/high-minded to properly care for him and he was “abandoned” by a supposedly saintly mentor/uncle who wanted to kill him (even if the urge was fleeting). Additionally, Jedi training is essentially martial arts training in that you’re not supposed to use it violently unless you absolutely have to, which leaves the Jedi looking like total wusses much of the time, politically, always leading from behind and allowing evil to get a foothold over and over again.

Therefore, my theory is that Kylo turned, completely willingly, because he saw nothing but pathetic posturing and hypocrisy around him. It was an extremely deep cynicism (the belief that “good”, “love”, “happiness”, or anything that makes humans noble, don’t really exist) that allowed him to fully embrace his own darkness to very powerful effect - no manipulation necessary. This wouldn’t work with Fi-Te but fits with Ti-Fe. I postulate that his conception of morality was extremely reductive and childish. Essentially, “good guys should be totally free of bad”, so any whiff of anyone feeling conflicted or making dumb choices and they no longer get the privilege of being labeled as a “good” person. Accordingly, any hint of conflict in himself cements the fact that he is bad, irredeemably bad, because he’s full of conflict. 

But I argue that the reason he’s full of conflict is not because he’s bad or a Feeler, it’s because the way he was being taught was not well-suited to his personality at all, in fact, it was quite damaging to him, which pushed him into skepticism and alienation. Here’s the blank I’m filling in: Luke is Fi dom. Fi and Ti do not communicate easily. Being forced or shamed into being good with no proper reasoning process by Fs tends to really aggravate inferior Fe grip problems in young Ti doms (it’s a common relationship dynamic). Fi doms construct beliefs from their feelings and it’s easy for them to expect that everyone should feel-believe the same. How is a person supposed to react when you keep telling them to Fi everything but they simply can’t or have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about? External manipulation or not, I speculate that Kylo was already in a deep state of doubt about whether he was in the right place. Luke’s intense fear and disgust in that fateful moment only confirmed Kylo’s suspicions that he didn’t belong there, and that Luke was no “good” guy. 

Seeing oneself as irredeemably bad is a big blow to the ego, so one must engage in self-defense. The fact that turning dark allowed him to realize the full potential of his force capabilities, to him, meant that the Jedi were completely wrong in their conception of what is “good”. Therefore, he doesn’t consider himself to be bad per se, rather, he believes that he has discovered the truth about what it means to be great - being great via T is better than being good via F. He was trying to discover his true self through dominant Ti, perfectly normal part of development, but he chose the wrong path, because it was a reactionary decision that was merely rebelling against all the people who were trying to force him into being F. This poor choice meant that he had to keep trying to sever his connection to everything good in himself = disowning F. In his mind, the Jedi were stupid, weak, and deluding themselves all along, but he knows what’s up, and that granted him a high degree of confidence in his decisions. He saw himself as the real deal because he was smart enough and strong enough to be brutally honest about what he is. In essence, he’s no faker, and that makes him superior. These mental gymnastics happen with Ti, not Fi. 

When Fi doms (even just start to) see themselves as bad, it ruins them and renders them impotent and dysfunctional (see previous post about Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender as a great example). Yet I see no compelling evidence that Kylo’s identity, feelings, or conflicts held him back, rather, they only served to fuel his rise. Despite appearances, he didn’t lust for power and validation like Te loop/grip, rather, he was only interested in self-mastery, and was willing to do whatever it took to achieve it, because he had no other ideal outside of himself to believe in. Nothing could really stop him unless he decided to stop. When he was frustrated, he would let it out in a quick burst, and then continued on as though it never happened (Fe). He was actually very disciplined in growing his abilities by setting consistent and logical challenges for himself to overcome (Ti), and he always succeeded in achieving his goals and reaching whatever potential he had envisioned for himself (Ne). Furthermore, someone who is very “defensive of their identity” wouldn’t be able to change themselves on a dime, as he did at the end. When faced with the right counter-evidence, he did a whiplash 180 without hemming or hawing or performative self-flagellation or whining about “losing myself”, etc. Would that be possible for Fi-Te?

Rey

Is she introverted? She is unapologetically assertive, she gets involved even when it doesn’t/shouldn’t involve her, she never balks at interacting with people/objects, she always faces situations immediately, she has trouble holding her tongue, she has difficulty introspecting (as evidenced from Luke’s training sessions), and most importantly, she exhibits no sign of needing a lot of down time to recharge. I’ve never known an introvert like that, let alone an ISFP, as they often dwell in their feelings away from the world and dislike taking on too much responsibility due to inferior Te. If she’s introverted, provide me with evidence, since I seem to have missed it.

I don’t think that there’s any evidence of N. She’s resourceful to a certain extent, but she seems to rely very heavily on other people to generate positive ideas and possibilities for reassurance, because she starts to panic when thinking on her own about “what could happen” (low Ne). She doesn’t easily come to intuitive insights about anything, let alone the future (no Ni). One scene in particular made me LOL. Luke was training her and asked her to close her eyes to meditate. He instructed her to “reach out” (to feel the energy of the force), and she extended her hand out physically into the air. That is the exemplar of being too literal. Furthermore, she spent how many freakin’ years following the same set routine day after day, in the same crap dump of a town, waiting obediently for her parents to pick her up? That’s the exemplar of Si discipline. Would SPs be capable of that patience or living in the dreary past for so long? 

I agree that she is primarily motivated by her feelings when making judgments and decisions, which means F. She had to fend for herself since childhood, so her skills are unsurprising. Yet she irrationally lacks self-confidence despite the fact that she’s proven over and over again to be quite scrappy and capable, and people even tell her as much all the time - this is likely to indicate an inferior T insecurity. She has great difficulty (i.e. is unconsciously resistant to) probing around within herself, which is common for inferior Ti in not wanting to feel one’s own darkness. The fact that introspection results in her discovering that her deepest, darkest fear is being completely and utterly “alone” as a “nothing” in “nothingness” is very compelling evidence for inferior Ti.

If inferior Ti, then dominant Fe is a must. I see lots of evidence. She is inexplicably able to communicate with anyone, of any species of bot or animal, with effortless empathic understanding? Her first stance is to give people the benefit of the doubt, no matter how strange or wayward they seem. She has a very naive trust in the goodness of people despite dealing with crooks all the time. She takes it upon herself to bring out the good in people whenever she is in a position to. I don’t think she’s always sure of her feelings (Fi-Ni), rather, she’s always sure that there is goodness to be found if one only looks hard enough (Fe-Ne). A lot of people have strong moral feelings and values, so I’m a bit tired of the lazy stereotype that Fi doms have the monopoly on morality. If you’re going to reference a person’s morality, go deeper to see what exactly it is they believe, how they came to those beliefs, and how they express those beliefs in detail, as that would be more revealing of their functions.

For such a goody-goody-two-shoes, her response to Kylo wasn’t the judgmental disgust that Luke barfed up (Fi-Te) but rather a scary desire to figure him out (Fe-Ti). She seemed quite UNcertain about her personal feelings about him (not Fi), which made their relationship one-sided for quite some time, as she struggled with the push-pull dynamic. ESFJs are often attracted to “dark and mysterious” people due to the unconscious yearnings of inferior Ti, even when Si-Ne warns them that these people are bad news. And it doesn’t get more mysterious than some powerful dude dressed in black donning a mask that shows up in random visions. When avoiding him was no longer possible, she made an admirable effort to dive deeper into his perspective, even when she rightfully feared losing herself in the process. She felt compelled to “get both sides of the story” in typical diplomat fashion before deciding what to do, in hopes of “fixing” Kylo through repairing his relationship with Luke.

Although there seemed to be constant teasing about the possibility of Rey turning dark, I never really saw any possibility. She gave no major indication of being afraid of turning, and it seemed that she never lost touch with her strong desire to be good. She only ever indicated a fear of failing to perform her duty capably (Si) and of failing all the people who were relying upon her powers to succeed (Fe). Discovering her true lineage didn’t really shake her because her parents were good in spite of their bloodline, so there was already an “exception to the rule” for her to follow and emulate. Turning dark would sever and betray her emotional connection to her parents - totally out of the question.

As far as I can tell, the only reason she survived her horrible childhood relatively unscathed was because she held on to the belief that her parents loved her enough to come back, i.e., emotional connection to others is her lifeline. I don’t think it’s an accident that, in her moment of greatest need, it was the connection to past Jedi and their encouragement that saved her butt. She was existentially SHOOK when Kylo claimed that her parents were horrible and abandoned her. And she was only able to find her footing again by inserting herself (i.e. “belonging” to) the Skywalker clan, essentially by being the model of a kid that Ben should’ve been. What self-respecting ISFP would be happy latching on to someone else’s mom, riding someone else’s coattails, and literally defining their identity through someone else’s name and legacy? 

I’ve heard some people critique Rey as a flat mary sue character, and I see where they’re coming from. But which type is most likely to resemble a mary sue at first glance? She is supposed to be the hero in a fairy tale after all, so one would expect her flawedness to be minimized.

Relationship Dynamics

In the final movie, the audience is bludgeoned over and over again with the claim that Kylo and Rey are meant to be a dyad. This all but guarantees that they will be exact functional opposites, otherwise, there would be no strong sense of complementary forces pulling them together into one perfectly harmonized and united front. Although the chemistry between them wasn’t properly developed IMO, I think I saw on paper what was meant to be happening in terms of the writer’s intentions.

Luke was unsuited to helping either of them with questions of identity and morality because, being Fi dom, he took these things for granted, presumptive, already settled non-issues, which amounts to him being closed to any real questioning and discussion. As a result of lacking good guidance, what drew Kylo and Rey together was an underlying need to help each other make sense of themselves, with the unconscious suspicion that the other person held the missing piece of the puzzle. 

Rey was only able to reach her potential by confronting the full extent of her own darkness within (inferior Ti), which was what Kylo forced her to do in incremental steps, as he kept nudging her to question her fundamental beliefs about who she is and what she stands for, presumably in the same way that he had done for himself. But it’s not as easy to twist someone’s sense of morality when F is at the top and healthy versus the bottom of the stack. By making it through his gauntlet of tests and critiques and facing down her fears, she was able to develop into a stronger and more self-assured person to eventually achieve inferior Ti closure. Don’t forget how her eyes would light up when hearing stories of Jedi masters and their achievements. It is mainly EJs who run headfirst toward responsibility rather than away from it. We see, in the end, a picture of Rey as a beaming, confident, and self-possessed person who feels like the world is her oyster, fully inhabiting her role in the hero story that she had always wished to be a part of. The audience is meant to believe that she’s the rightful heir when she finally believes in herself.

By questioning Rey’s identity, Kylo eventually had to question his own as well, since he was the one who wanted to believe that they shared a similar path to feeling lost. Kylo is stuck in adolescent cynicism as explained above, with Si loop resentment from the past preventing him from seeing other, better possibilities for himself. Late in the trilogy, I see in his face that he’s probably suffering from the sunk cost fallacy of thinking that he is past the point of no return. Perhaps he believes that he has no choice but to resign himself to the fate he has chosen (parallel to Vader) since Ti doms strongly believe in personal responsibility. He’s not wrong. If he wasn’t irredeemable at first, he certainly was after the profound destruction he had wrought. Ti doms are rarely wrong as their logic is usually impeccable, but they tend to lack perspective. E.g. He’s not wrong in believing that people are hypocritical because they really are (Ti factual judgment is spot on), but then he defines his terms too narrowly in dismissing all people as unworthy of being called “good” (Fe value judgment is very immature).

What finally broke the mental confinement of Si loop? IMO, three contributing factors: 1) He started to suffer the same skepticism about the dark side as he had with the Jedi, since Ti promotes impartial judgment, which opened him up somewhat to questioning his choices. INTPs deeply dislike sheep mentality and blind ideology, so being constantly asked to prove his “allegiance” and quietly “submit” all the time by his superiors only served to reveal their flawed mentality in the same vein as Luke, which gave him the logical justification he needed for eliminating one boss after another. 2) He was drawn deeper and deeper into Rey’s psychology, which backfired on him, because it proved to him, again and again, every which way, that goodness is indeed possible, as Rey easily aced every temptation and challenge that he was able to fling at her. For NPs(Ne), believing in possibility can’t help but create a strong desire to actualize it. 3) Leia intervened with what I’m assuming was one last-ditch attempt to communicate how much she truly loves him despite what he’s become, which perhaps served to expand his thinking about what it means to love. 

In the end, he redeemed himself on his own terms (even if he was not fully redeemed for the audience). As a result, he discovered something resembling happiness in his last moments of connection with Rey. You can’t tell a Ti dom to be good “just because”, or take goodness as default without question, or present a fake and idealized image of goodness for them to live up to, because that will never satisfy Ti. At the same time, morality cannot remain an abstract concept or else it is very easy to twist upside down. Goodness must be deeply FELT in order to be a motivating force, and he, at long last, felt goodness in his bones, through his decision to place the greater good above himself - inferior F often means arriving very late to the feeling party. He finally caught a glimpse of what he could be and should be through Rey’s, and possibly his mother’s, eyes, which allowed for inferior Fe closure. He had always gotten by okay without love and only believing and trusting in himself, but he realized that he was far better off for opening himself up to something more. 

That’s my take anyway. Or perhaps that’s what I needed to see to make the story more interesting for myself, lol.

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind The Babadook (2014), And 17 Weirdest Bogeymen From Around The World That Might Be Hiding Under Your Bed Right Now

Strange times we live in.

It’s a Saturday night, and I’m hauled up at home eating a vegetarian lasagne whilst my mother asks me for the 37th time why I’ve decided to give up meat, when really, if there was no global pandemic, I’d be hauled up at home eating a vegetarian lasagne whilst my mother asks me for the 37th time why I’ve decided to give up meat.

It really is a strange time we live in.

But, in my attempt to protect the vulnerable groups in society and halt the spread of the latest Twitter hashtag in its tracks, I decided to catch up on the horror films hadn’t found the time to press play on just yet.

So, a bucket of popcorn and some mild trauma later, I could finally join in the conversation about The Babadook.

6 years too late.

Nevertheless! Once I’d emotionally recovered, I finally had my Sex And The City moment. No, not the ones with feminism that would make Emilline Pankhurst perform the equivalent of a Viennese Waltz in her grave - the one where Carrie sits in her NYC apartment and thinks about men at her computer.

“I couldn’t help but wonder: could the Babadook be based on a true story? ”

Unfortunately, I discovered that the Babadook is based on the concept of the boogeyman, an urban legend that has a greater global reach than Covid-19. 

So, to distract you from the global pandemic with the threat of a creature lurking under your bed and waiting to snatch an ankle, I thought I’d let you in on the reality behind this queer icon.

First, let’s talk ‘bout The Babadook.

It was one of the biggest hits of the 2010s, combining the classic trope of creepy children with the classic colour palette of depression. Our story follows a single mother and her son who begins to be visited by an imaginary creature fresh from the pages of a children’s book.

With spiky talon-like hands, a cloaked figure, a jaw crammed full of teeth, a face paler than that time you bought that foundation on a whim in TK Maxx - all crowned with a dusty hat - the Babadook the child was seeing certainly had a sense of style.

The child, Sam, begins to create intricate traps and weapons designed to stop the Babadook, all the while the book predicts the mother’s rather dark future. It becomes clear that the Bababook is preying on the mother and essentially possessing her, a diagnosis that is confirmed when the mother attempts to kill Sam.

She then regurgitates a black inky substance evocative of ectoplasm, and is released from its grip. 

The film ends on the happy family feeding the Babadook as it lives in their basement.

This indie horror - once it had finished polishing the 5 awards on it’s mantelpiece - might have woven a intricate plot deviating from the simple basis of international man of mystery James Bond The Boogeyman, but the basis still sticks out more than that wardrobe in the corner of your bedroom you’re now highly conscious of.

Simply put, the Babadook matches the basic concept of the boogeyman:

There’s some weird, dark creature that knicks kids and eats ‘em if they wander alone or don’t go to bed or misbehave. Just like Krampus, the bogeyman is a legend propagated by parents to convince kids to stay in line.

That being said, the mythical creature isn’t the only inspo behind this cinema-hit.

Specifically, the brains behind the film, Jennifer Kent, claimed it was about a deep-rooted fear we all have: that of going mad. On top of this, it seeks to show parenting from a real perspective.

The film focuses on a single mother as she faces one of the most difficult challenges in life: she loses her husband whilst going to give birth to her son, and then has to raise him alone. But that is not all.

Kent also spoke of a real encounter with the bogeyman. 

Basics, her bestie’s son was being plagued by an imaginary monster, so she pretended to talk to it to calm his concerns. Sure, this tale might not have kickstarted the real terror engaged with in this movie, but it invited us into the reality behind the bogeyman.

But beyond this, the movie also detracts from the Babadook, and instead looks for the primal instincts in the mother - it looks for the bogeyman within us all.

That’s right - the real horror that was inside us all along.

Yawn.

But the thing is, it also brings up hell of a lot of paranormal activity that is remarkably accurate to theories of the supernatural.

      Let’s start with the introduction of the Babadook.

He arrives in the form of a creepy children’s book no one’s seen or heard of. Armed with a chilling nursery rhyme and an aesthetic last seen in 2007, the Babadook follows the basic principles of a basic haunting: ghost does spooky stuff, ghost spooks humans, humans invite it in following the consent laws of the universe by interacting with it, ghost spooky powers intensify.

This begins with the book itself. Although the film doesn’t consider if he is a paranormal being aligning with the concept of demons and spirits (etc.), this book follows the concept of haunted objects.

By opening the book and reading it - or, interacting with it - they invite in the Babadook. And when she tries to destroy it, it crops up again, fully intact and conveniently lying on her doorstep.

No ‘sorry we missed you card’ needed.

This closely follows the theory of the haunted object, something more on-trend than tutting at empty shelves in the grocery store. Haunted objects have a habit of failing to be destroyed, and by engaging with them, such as not asking permission for taking a picture of a haunted doll, you enter communication with them.

From there, you’ve basically consented to a full possession. The object is a vessel for a spirit or a demon until a new, better, breathing vessel can be found.

You can find out more about this here.

I can’t find anything about haunted books specifically online, but as a variety of haunted objects exist, from bunk beds to boxes, I’m sure there’s potential for it.

     Next is the eventual possession of the mother.

One of the most dramatic moments we witness is when the mother coughs up this black bile which represents the removal of the Babadook. This bears a striking resemblance to ectoplasm, a white liquid often released by those experiencing intense paranormal activity.

When mediums experience a trance-like state, they supposedly release a fabric-like or thick substance that darkens as physic energy is intensified. It allows those in the supernatural realm to interact with the physical realm, and for spirits to represent themselves to the audience of a seance.

This film was one of the first to explore the potential paranormal explanations behind the bogeyman, and give some basis to a beast that has haunted communities since the beginning of time.

Speaking of the beast…

Who is the bogeyman?

It’s sometime in the 1500s.

We are in the middle of a small country called England, struggling to make ends meet between the near constant famine, the anxiety of being cursed by a witch, or some war with [insert european nation that may or may not exist anymore].

Either way, when we aren’t trying to spell everything with an ‘e’ at the end, we are being taunted by hobgoblins.

These pesky beasts made their name in tormenting Englishmen, playing pranks on them or simply just being foul.

Hobgoblins are the OG bogeymen, or are the first we can trace back to recorded sources. But they were no means the last. And they were by no means the only ones in the world.

As a simple definition, the bogeyman is a mythical creature that makes sure kids are staying in line, and was made up by parents. The thing is, the bogeyman features in every culture that has ever been created.

And given the realm of the paranormal explored so far on this blog, perhaps your local Babadook isn’t so out of the question.

The bogeyman has always claimed a rather vague existence, representing a non-specific terror that has even extended to just ‘being the devil’ in some cases. The origins of the name are no different: ‘bogge’ comes from middle english, meaning ‘something frightening’ or ‘scarecrow’.

It has even been interpreted to mean ‘goat’ which can be traced to relations to the devil.

Appearance wise, the bogeyman has several broad features that stretch across cultures. Standard features include sharp teeth, talon or claw-like hands, hooves for feet, and even bug-like features. The Babadook might have shared in a few of these #basic-bogeyman traits, but it’s not all about looks.

How does his personality fair?

The bogeyman can pick between three personality types: something that punishes misbehaving children; one that is just violent for the hell of it which includes stealing kids, and eating them and/or taking them back to hell; or one that protects the innocent.

“So what you’re saying is, this is a vague looking creature with a vague personality with vague ambitions that is made up by parents who are tired of their kids interrupting their vague post-marital sex?”

Okay, fine, the bogeyman bears little resemblance to the basic concept of the bogeyman. But this is what makes him the international man of mystery. It’s the regional divergences between each nation’s own Babadook that makes this creature quite so peculiar.

You see, I assumed the bogeyman would be a universal concept draped in more black clothes than a kid that was in the throes of that scene where Edward leaves Bella. 

Turns out that there’s actually a band of bogeymen which can be specified by their not-so-casual racism and genitalia.

But as the 195 countries dotted across the globe have fostered their own child-eating monster, I thought I’d cut to the chase and fill you in on the world’s weirdest bogeymen.

*Rolls up sleeves of Team Edward hoodie*

     The Sack Man

Making his cinematic debut in The Nightmare Before Christmas, the Sack Man is the international symbol for the bogeyman. Whether he himself is draped in sack-like materials, or is lugging one around with him, Hombre Del Saco uses his luggage to capture and carry naughty children away to, uh, somewhere.

Most popular in Latin countries and Eastern Europe, the Sack Man is the most well travelled bogeyman on this list.

     Babaroga

The original inspiration behind the Babadook - note the similar name - Babaroga is a resident of Serbia and its neighbouring countries. However, the mood board for the Babadook’s inspiration stopped there.

Babaroga literally translates to “old woman with horns”.

And this pensioner spends her time finding children, putting them in a sack (how original), bringing them to her cave, and eating them. Or, to shake things up, she pulls childrens through small holes in the ceiling.

     El Coco

When he’s not featuring in lovable Disney hits, El Coco is snatching kids that don’t get to sleep when they should. With nursery rhymes detailing the legend - a chilling similarity to the Babadook - spanish-language countries across the globe are versed in reportedly seeing a coconut-like face hiding under their beds.

With a brown hairy face and body, and glowing red eyes to match, this famous humanoid might be closer than you think.

“Que viene el Coco y te comerá” 

 - A line from the traditional Spanish nursery rhyme.

     The Mamma

Pakistan gets its fair share of attention on the news cycle, but aside from the war going on, no one has ever noted the rather peculiar beast haunting the nation’s young women.

The Mamma isn’t the mothering being the name suggests, but is a large ape that lives in the mountains and only comes to the civilised world when in need of a young girl. Once he’s kidnapped ‘em and taken ‘em back to his cave, he licks their hands and feet so they can’t escape.

I have a strong feeling that what happens next to these innocent women isn’t as silly as someone licking your feet.

     La Tulievieja

Bringing together the award-winning aesthetic of The Ring and the naseau-inducing aesthetic of Cats, La Tulievieja is Panama’s warning for naughty children. Legend has it she is a spirit cursed by God for drowning her child.

The thing is, God’s curse was, uh, confused. Her monstrous form consists of acne scarring, long hair, claws for hands, a cat’s body and a farmyard animal’s hooved feet. On top of that, she also looks like the child she drowned.

Yep, confused.

     The Jersey Devil

Most countries suffer from multiple bogeymen - here in the UK, for example, we have 12 varieties - and America is no different. The Jersey Devil is actually one of 4 variants, and, like La Tulievieja, is also confused.

Fresh from the jaws of New Jersey, this beast has a horse’s head, bat wings, hooves, and a snake’s tail. First spotted in the 18th century and then again in 1909, it is believed that this legend was actually manufactured as a real estate hoax to coax residents into lowering their selling prices.

You might be able to deny the existence of this beast, but the Cipelahq (a large owl), the Long Black Being that makes a habit of slithering round like a snake, and Bloody Bones (a dancing skeleton and a separate skull) have yet to be disproven.

     The Copperpenis Owl

Hungary has 3 different bogeyman, and most fit the description of the international beast: there’s one with a sack, there’s one which is just a-bit-beasty, and then there’s the giant owl with a penis made of copper.

I personally feel a Babadook with rose gold genitalia circa 2013 might have detracted from the overall feel of the film.

     Ijiraq and the Qalupalik

Iniut communities also follow beliefs in the bogeyman, and probably focus on them more than others because if you wander off in the Arctic you will either get mauled by a bear and die, or freeze.

And then you’ll die.

They actually have 2 resident bogeymen. There’s the Ijiraq, a shapeshifter that kidnaps kids. You know, pretty basic bitch stuff. And then there’s the Qalupalik who is slightly more spooky.

This is a mermaid laden with green skin, long fingernails, and ratty hair that carry babies away in amauti (pouches or sacks for carrying kids) and bring them to live in their underwater world.

     Butzemann

Remember when I mentioned that thing about casual racism? It’s a bit of grey area, ironically.

Germany’s very own bogeyman is known as The Black Man.

(You can see my point.)

That being said, this probably doesn’t actually refer to the colour of his skin as most Germans during the Middle Ages hadn’t actually seen anyone from the African continent. Instead, his outdated nickname was actually down to his preference for dark corners.

The closet, under the bed, in forests during the early hours... If it’s spooky, you’ll find him here.

     Babau

Germany isn’t the only country with politically incorrect bogeyman. Italy has its very own Black Man, a mysterious figure which often features as a black man (gasp) or a black ghost. Only this entity has no legs.

The Marabbecca on the other hand is specific to Sicily, and mirrors the mythology of the Inuits.

Don’t play too close to the water, kids, or a Marabbecca will swim up and drag you to your watery grave!

     The Kropeman

Our final iconic bogeyman isn’t like the other girls, even if his fellow Luxembourgian monsters are. There’s yet another Black Man, and there’s something about an uncle, but it's the Kropeman which has me sleeping with the lights on.

Under the streets of this small country roams a man with a long hook.

When he’s not busy dodging rats in the sewers, he’s grabbing kids by their nose via the hook, and dragging ‘em down into the storm drains.

So - which one is hiding in your closet?

(Aside from the queerness your inner 14 year old hasn’t fully unleashed yet like a big bisexual dragon spewing flames of gender-neutralness.)

(Don’t worry, I’m fine.)

Are you a whore for horror? Passionate about the paranormal? Do you want to see a new real ghost story every day? Then you have to follow this blog.

Read this post next!

[finalgirlguy]

Thief au

The main four are in a thief gang in medieval times

They work kinda like Robin Hood — stealing from the rich and giving to the poor

It all started with Roman and Logan

Roman is like, this middle-class writer. He has enough money to be the one with best clothes on the gang — also because he takes better care of them than the rest — and sometimes uses his position to call some favors

But his money is low. All he has is stuff bought from richer times and a position in society

So he’s strolling through the poorer side of the city and he sees an asshole push over a prostitute, not even caring to glance at the woman, who has now fallen on the ground, as he walks through the streets. And the guy is mad rich. You can tell it from his clothes, or the size of his pocket, that shows he’s carrying a lot of coins

Roman doesn’t really think it through. He’s low in cash, no one wants to buy his latest work, and this asshole is full of money. So he slides his hand on the guy’s pocket and gets a fistful of golden coins. No one realizes.

But as he turns around, he eyes this couple of orphan kids, obviously starving to death, and he doesn’t need to think it through a lot. He gives them all the money.

Suddenly a hand’s grabbing his shoulder and dragging him to an alley. This tall, slim man is staring him down, cold blue eyes analyzing him from head to toe. “Middle class. Good clothes. Probably a good family. You had no reason to steal, unless you just wanted more money. But if you wanted more money, you wouldn’t be giving those kids it”

Roman barely stutters out a “What?”. The man realizes that he actually has an audience, and focuses his gaze on Roman’s eyes, his mouth pronunciating well the words as he says: “Why did you steal and why did you give it to those kids?”

Roman doesn’t know what to say. He shouldn’t be talking about stealing with a random guy. But on the other hand, this man doesn’t seem like he would tell Roman off. He just seems curious. “I don’t have a lot of money. That guy didn’t deserve it. But those kids did, more than me”

The man seems to think for a second, before raising his left hand forward “I’m Logan. Allow me to buy you a beer” Roman shakes it awkwardly, indecisive, but there’s something about Logan that says he could be trusted. Plus, Roman is very thirsty right now. “What’s your name?” Logan asks, already moving along the alley.

“Roman. Roman Real”

They go to this bar and order some cheap beer and talk. Logan raises the subject of the monarchy and social inequality and Roman, a little bit drunk, tells him how he wishes there was some way he could take the extra wealth from those who don’t deserve it and give it to the poor. Logan raises and eyebrow and whispers:

“What if there was?”

“What?” “What if you could take from the wealthy and cruel and give to the poor and kind? Would you?” “How?” Logan raises an eyebrow at Roman, like he can’t believe Roman still hasn’t understood his point “If you could steal from the upper class and give to the ones in need, would you?”

Roman thinks for a second, then answers “Yes.” Logan smiles at that, a smile that shows he has been looking for a partner like this for a long time “Well, Roman, I think if you and I work toguether, we can do just that”

They leave the bar and go to Roman’s place. They are young and drunk, both with cheap alcohol and rebellious ideas. They spend the whole night awake, discussing books and politics, and learn about each other. Roman learns that Logan is smarter than most man with twice his education, and that his last name is Sanders. Logan learns that Roman is an idealist and a romantic.

At the end of the night, they have a kind of deal. They will pack everything they have and go to another city. They will start off with small pick-pockets: just enough to survive and to give some to the homeless, the widows and the orphans. If it works, they will move from town to town, doing the same.

And so they do. Logan coordinates it, telling when and whom to strike, and Roman’s hand is always there, sliding gracefully and lightly into a stranger’s pocket.

This has been going for about 4 towns. Small pick-pockets, dinners at cheap bars, sleep at cheap hostels. The smile and gratitude in the face of those that receive is very much worth it.

They are having lunch at another cheap place, sitting by the counter, and Logan leaves for a while, to grab a drink for them, when a low voice reaches over to Roman:

“What is someone like you doing somewhere like here?” Roman turns around, and apparently the voice belongs to a short and skinny man, clad in black and purple.

“I beg your pardon?”

“What’s your name?” The stranger comes closer, smirking, and Roman can now distinguish his black eyes beneath his hair. They are annoyingly mesmerizing. “Roman” The writer smiles, one of his dashing smiles he knows none can resist.

“Well, Roman” The man comes closer, his voice turning even lower, making something in Roman’s chest rumble “I was wondering why someone like you would choose this hell of a place to go.” The stranger comes even closer now — Roman half-heartedly notices how their height difference is of about half a head — and sets his hands on the top buttons of Roman’s jacket, smoothing over the silver with his thumb “Pretty clothes, pretty face” the stranger pronounced every sillable, once again staring Roman up and down, this time deliberately slowly “You have enough money to eat somewhere else, and I can tell you don’t need to pay for company”

“What’s your name?” Roman asks, this time being the one to look up and down. Virgil has pale skin, an interesting factor among peasants, and seems a little too small for his coat, but he makes the worn out black and purple outfit look good. His eyes are dark brown, almost black, and there’s some lighter spots in there that would give him an innocent look, we’re it not the never diminishing smirk and the dark looks.

“That shall remain a mistery.” “I gave you my name, haven’t I? It is only fair.” The man seems to consider for a second before saying: “call me V.”

“Well, V” Roman gives him a small, teasing smile “maybe I come here for the handsome company I might find”

V laughs at that, a laugh that sounds more like thunder than anything else, and let’s his hands slide down Roman’s arms before carefully stepping away “Buy me a drink first”

Roman smiles wider, ready to clap back, when Logan shows at his side, an amused yet hard gaze focused on V “Give it back”

V’s eyes widen, and he steps away again “Listen, I’m not looking for any trouble” it’s interesting how different his voice sounds. “Neither are we.” Logan argues “Give it back, and we’ll pretend nothing happened”

V grabs something from his pocket and sets it on the counter: the top button from Roman’s jacket, made of silver and adorned with a chimera. The writer looks down and, indeed, it is gone.

After a couple of seconds of blankly staring, Roman sputters out: “Y-you-you stole me!” V seems regretful, and it’s once again interesting how his attitude has changed: now he seems to be sinking down, trying to look smaller “Was that why you were flirting?”

No, he does not sound hurt or offended at all, despite what Logan and V would say later.

Logan grabs the button and they are about to leave when Roman’s brain catches up and he turns around to face V: “Where can we find you, pretty boy?” V hesitates, and Roman sighs deeply before adding: “We’re not going to tell someone you stole us. I just want to talk more to you”

V finally gives him his address, a small cornel of warmth growing in his chest, and Logan and Roman leave.

Back at the hostel, Roman has his mind set:

“Logan, he could work great with us!” “Yeah, except for the fact that he’s not trustworthy, since he tried to steal you” “And what exactly are we doing here, Logan?” Logan is silent, and Roman presses him “He clearly is better at it than me, and it could be great to have another partner, someone who could be a distraction or an ally”

Finally, Logan agrees, and they go searching for V. They find him in a small house in the center of the town. Surprisingly, V is easily convinced. The next morning, they’re leaving the city when Logan turns to him and asks: “What is your name?”

“Virgil Storm” Roman thinks that’s a pretty name, before clearing his head of this type of distraction.

So they go town to town, and the robbings start to get bigger. They rob three or four noble houses, spreading the money between the poor population before the sun has even risen. Soon, they become a legend, a myth. The Golden Man, the Mind and the Shadow. They start to grow in fame so much they can no longer stay in hostels, so they start to camp on forests near towns. Sometimes they get hurt, falling out of tall windows or barely escaping dangerous situations. They do their best to patch it up on the camp, but there’s only so much Logan can know.

Until one day, when they’re eating dinner on a campfire in this forest, this young blond boy, dressed in blue and light grey, shows up.

Logan immediately jumps behind Virgil and Roman. Roman tries to shove Virgil a little behind him, what is ridiculous, given that Roman has no weapons besides his body and Virgil is wielding a dagger, but it does make something warm bloom in Virgil’s heart.

But the boy smiles brightly and raises his hand playfully “Woah, easy! I’m not here for fighting!”

“What do you want?” Roman asks carefully, gesturing for Virgil to put the dagger down, and being completely ignored by the paler man.

The blond boy smiles again — he does that a lot, Roman thinks — but he quickly turns serious. “I want to join you”

“I’m afraid we don’t know what you mean” Logan says. This boy seems too bright and too friendly to be very smart. Perhaps he thought they were something else, a circus crew, maybe.

“Yeah sure” the man waves a hand in the air, laughing, his green eyes crinkling at the sides “You guys are famous, you know? I’m guessing you’re the Golden Man, and you sure do shine, kiddo” he winks at Roman who, sure enough, had golden shades on his outfit “You’re the Shadow?” He asks, looking towards V, who certainly deserved his name, with his dark tones and personality. “And you must be the Mind.” He finishes, smiling once again towards Logan.

“Why do you want to join us?” Logan steps forward, lowering Virgil’s dagger. The boy’s face, so sweet, and a little bit childish, turns almost cold at this. “I believe you guys are right. I believe no one that is cruel and hurtful should hold that much money, and I believe everyone deserves to be able to eat and live.” At their stunned silence, he adds “I know how to heal people, too, so I could help in that.”

Roman gestures for the boy to take a seat by the fire, and the other three bundle up a little bit away, discussing it: “I don’t like this ideia” “You don’t like it because you’re afraid, Virgil. He seems nice” “Seems. That’s the word. We can’t trust this random guy.” “We are all random guys to each other. Logan and I barely knew each other. I knew you for half a night before you joined us. We are doing this based on morals and ambitions, and this man has the same ones as we do.” “Logan, what do you think?”

Maybe it’s the way the boy smiled, or maybe it’s the fact that the boy smiles a lot, or maybe it’s because Logan wanted someone capable of doing medical work, or maybe it‘s just because Logan often stayed alone while Virgil and Roman stole, and he would like some company, sometimes, but the truth is Logan really wants that boy to join them.

“We could, indeed, use his knowledge, and it would be useful to have someone no suspicions would lie upon, someone to distract while you two steal — a pretty face, for lack of better wording” Logan answers. Virgil still seems suspicious “I thought being a pretty face was Roman’s job—” “You think I have a pretty face?” “—and we’ve been handling our bruises and scratches pretty fine so far.” Logan looks back at the man sitting by the fire, some sort of peace on his face Logan so ardently desired. “I vote for him to stay” “So do I” Roman adds, his face still slightly pink from the pretty face comment. Finally, Virgil agrees.

“What’s your name, young one?” Roman asks, sitting next to the boy.

“Patton! And I’m not so young, you know. I’m 18” “Patton! What an interesting name.” Roman smiles “You look younger than you are, I assumed we were all much older than you. I’m 20, Logan over there is also 20, and Virgil” he nudges Virgil, that replies with a stare that could cut through rock “is 19. I’m Roman, by the way.”

And so they became a gang. Or a family. Who knows. They would die for each other. They would kill for each other. Soon enough, Patton becomes known as the Beauty — though Logan always blushes when he hears the nickname.

Every so often, they encounter Declos Ethine, and it’s always a why-do-we-keep-running-into-each-other kind of situation. The Four— that’s how they’re called in the legends, in the whispers — sometimes save Declos, sometimes Declos saves the Four

No one KNOWS what Declos does for a living, but it’s definitely not something good and honorable

Their first time meeting Declos as a group was hilarious, because they all knew him differently, except for Roman

Logan once punched Declos. Long story, they don’t really like each other, very often fight for leadership in the group

Virgil used to be best friends with Declos, when he was 15, and they helped each other survive in a dangerous town — until Declos moved away.

Patton is Declos’ brother, what earned a few surprised gasps from the rest of the group when they found out. Patton is 3 years younger than Declos, so he’s always treated like a child by his brother, but Logan made Declos cut the bullshit real soon.

Declos constantly flirts with Roman, what Virgil really doesn’t like, but Roman is, somehow, completely unaware of Virgil’s jealousy.

Sometimes Declos shows up with a bodyguard, called Remus, that for some reason always wears green. No one also knows what their relationship is, but Remus is the only one that knows the story behind Declos’ scar on the left side of his face

I think I might write more about this later? I really liked the ideia of this AU

[mr-meekers]

January Book Reviews

Hopefully, once a month, towards the end of the month, I’ll sit down to type out little reviews for all the books I’ve read this month. It’s my goal this year to read more, and, equally as important, finish more books (even if I don’t like them.)

So let’s get started!

1. Loveboat, Taipei by Wen

I initially started reading this book to participate in a book club coming up in February. I didn’t think I’d like it much as it lies pretty far out of my wheelhouse being not only contemporary fiction but also a teen romance. Now, I can definitely get into these things, but my problem with those genres is that they fall so so so easily into the usual tropes that are, honestly, just very annoying. Like, love triangles and love at first sight and “there was a misunderstanding that occurred that one small conversation could clear up but I’m gonna stew about it for the rest of the book” kinda tropes. I’m just tired of them and can’t stand them anymore and I know the genre can do better.

Loveboat does. It really does. I’m still surprised I liked it so much.

Basically, the story centers around Ever, who is the eldest daughter of Chinese immigrants. Typical story ensues- her parents want her to be a doctor, and basically guilt her into following their life plan for her while never really giving her a choice and making all her decisions for her. But Ever wants to dance and this is what sets up the main conflict in the story: what Ever wants vs. what her parents want for her, and all the hard choices and consequences that come from such a conflict. The majority of the story takes place at a summer school in Taipei where a bunch of fancy, high achieving Asian kids go to not only make connections, but make connections~~~ if you catch my drift. Ever is convinced she’ll hate it- her parents forced her to go, signed up for all her classes for her, and even snuck a bio textbook into her luggage with a not so subtle hint to study. So, our main conflict begins. Ever decided to break every ridiculous rule her parents ever set for her. And the plot unfold from there.

Yes, there are two love interests. I’ll hive ya that. But the relationships in this book aren’t based in convenience. They feel real and well thought out and genuine. A lot of great themes are explored, from the good ol’ “finding yourself” meme to the different kinds of burdens our families can put on us, and whether or not we decide to carry them forever. The characters felt deep and by the end, I was truly happy for them. Loveboat, Taipei gets a 4 out of 5 from. Definite recommendation.

2. The Guinevere Deception by White

A new take on the Arthurian legend has us following Guinevere instead of the Once and Future King. I’ m not a fan of Kiersten White’s other books and stopped reading them before I could finish them, I did thoroughly enjoy this one. I’m a sucker for a good fantasy with a strong female lead and this is just that. We all kinda know the legend of King Arthur already, and White does a good job of adding in elements from the original story but then twisting them to make them her own. Despite the lack of romance (something else I also thoroughly enjoy) for most of the book, I still found myself hooked on the plot and guessing and wondering what would happen next.

The plotline starts pretty simply, but with a major twist. We start with Guinevere being escorted to Camelot to wed Arthur. But, it is soon revealed that this is not the real Guinevere. The true princess is dead and buried (I forget the CoD) and this girl, the daughter of Merlin, has been disguised to take her place. No one can know who she is, for magic is banned in Camelot, and she is a witch herself. Merlin has sent her to Arthur’s side to protect him from a mysterious magical threat he sees coming. But that’s all he will tell her about it. Now, Guinevere must protect a king and his city and so much more. I can’t say much more without spoiling it, but even if it may seems a little bit dull at first, I did truly enjoy myself by the end. I’m excited for the second book.

Again, I give this a 4 out of 5. Certainly worth picking up.

3. The Rogue King by Owen

This is a fantasy romance I picked up for shits and giggles. I am of the opinion that most fantasy romances are cringey, tropey, and just downright awkward. I have a very, very difficult time finding ones with actual plots and characters that feel more like people that convenient transportable genitalia. But, I must say, Abigail Owen’s Rogue King was none of those things... for the most part.

The story centers around Kasia, a phoenix shape shifter, and Brand, a dragon shape shifter. Now, there’s a lot of shifter politics to unpack, but the basics are that dragons and phoenixes usually mate because they both revolve around fire. Phoenixes then bless their mate’s clan and make that dragon the king of all kings and clans. It’s, like, a big deal. So Brand is out for revenge against the reigning High King and if he delivers Kasia to the Blue Clan king, he can finally have his revenge. And we go from there.

The thing I liked about this book was that it did have an actual plot. There were things going on besides focusing on the two leads going at it and falling in love. I mean, they still do, but there’s stuff in between that matters this time. In fact, the love making was the thing I mostly had a problem with. Kasia and Brand’s relationship felt too forced. It’s played off as “they’re mates and it’s destiny” but it just feels rushed and awkward and at times, random.

The second book comes out later this year, but I’m not sure I’ll pick it up. Still, it gets a 3 from me. Not the worst thing I’ve ever read.

4. The Wallflower Wager by Dare

Too cute. It was too cute. Yes, it was your typical 1800s London high society “fall in love with this duke and pretend you know what the word “rake” means” kinda story but still! It was good!!

We follow Penny, a young woman who has taken to caring for stray animals that no one seems to want, including (but not limited to) a dog with no back legs, a goat that is definitely certainly entirely not pregnant she assures you, and a parrot from a whore house that says “Fancy a fuck, love?” all the time and is genuinely funny. Her new neighbor, the notorious Gabriel, is renovating his new house to sell for profit and having a menagerie next door is not helping his property value. The two must work together to find suitable homes for all of Penny’s beloved creatures before the month is up, or else she’ll be forced to move out.

Obviously, they fall madly in love in this month. And their romance does seem natural and heart warming and the sex is fantastic. The ending made me tear up it was too gosh darn sweet. I can’t spoil it for you, but know that it was wholesome AF. It gets a solid 4 from me. I desperately wish there was more.

5. The Merciful Crow by Owen

Just my cup of tea. A good fantasy story with a strong female lead and wonderful romantic interest. The not so subtle themes of classism, racism, and the way the privileged avoid holding themselves accountable are very topical for the day, but also timeless in their application. Other themes like the cost of selflessness, going after what you want, balancing your needs with those of others, and being the first to strike change are all heavily applied, as well, and beautiful done.

The story follows Fie, a Crow girl destined to be beaten down by her own countrymen for the simple act of existing. Crows are the only caste in the country of Sabor immune to the Sinner’s Plague and thus are the ones who deal with the bodies. For a price. When Fie and her clan collect two dead lordlings from the palace, she certainly didn’t expect them to still be alive. Turns out, the prince is on the run from a queen who wants him dead. If the Crows can deliver him to his allies, he swears a Covenant Oath to grant them protection from the Oldeanders, not-so-subtle references to the KKK in their white sheets and nightly raids on Crow camps, killing as many of them as they can before dawn. It’s a deal too good to pass up, so Fie’s Pa, their chief, agrees.

This story is just... so many things. Before I forget, though, I want to congratulate Margaret Owen for the fantastic LGBT representation. Within the first few chapters, we already have non-binary/gender non-conforming character in Madcap, who uses they/them pronouns. The prince is gay. Tavin, his bodyguard, is bisexual. The kingdom’s master general is not only pansexual but polygamous. Fie is the only character of importance who seems straight, but even then we don’t really know as there are no other women her age around (there are other women, but Crows mingle only with Crows, and their bands are small). The romance here, while some may say is too hasty, I say felt just right. It’d been building and building and building and then finally happened and it was like letting out a breath. But even more satisfying was Fie’s character arc, and the Prince’s too, maybe even more so. So much happens and there is so much growth that I really just need you all to read it for yourselves and see.

5 out of 5 for me.

Thanks for reading this far! Hopefully there will be more reviews up in another month!

[dorseygordon68-blog]

Power Rangers Zeo (Heather Ray).

The other night I sat with my family members around the table reminiscing and also telling old stories. We worked with our golf swing with equipment that measured our power in watts, and also took advantage of the complete line of Kinesis makers (their unique resistance cables allow for better series of activity). Power is depicted here as a shaping pressure, capable of generating its very own authenticity - whether it be possessed by mine proprietors, absentee companies, local elites, or even union bosses. The functional power cleaner provides a performance of a commercial equipment that utilizes 3.0 kilowatts induction motor with its 3 axial-piston brass pumps that helps generates an astonishing 2300 PSI stress power blasting 10 liters per minute water circulation. Microsoft billionaire Expense Gates has actually stated there is a 10% chance kite power can be the magic remedy" for international renewable energy demands. Additionally it has some filler which is unusual since this flick is hardly 80 mins which most likely offers you a respectable concept of how little possible the story has in this flick to be any kind of good. The fundamental structure was integrated in a workshop outside the city and then lifted right into the Colosseum by a giant crane. In http://verde-dieta.info/prolesan-pure-recenzii-pret-cum-functioneaza-recenzii-unde-sa-cumparati/ acquired rival chain LA Health and fitness as well as struck up a collaboration with Olympian Sir Chris Hoy, that is a special adviser as well as brand ambassador" to Pure Health club. Stories of the trip over and how thrilled he was to discover everything on the big ship (a seafarer, making the most of his inquisitiveness, convinced him to lift some papers pushing deck, to see what was below ...). Stories of working as a journeyman footwear technician in cities and communities across upstate New york city as well as Ohio (in one store, the foreman placed my grandfather and his turret in the front window so passers-by would quit to view exactly how quick as well as well he did his job). On the one hand, it consists of passages that John S. Wright could have written, as when it emphatically mentions, Chicago is currently facing the momentous truth that fifty years for this reason, when the children of to-day are at the elevation of their power as well as influence, this city will be bigger than London: that is, bigger than any existing city." On the various other hand, it declines the concept that the city's success can or should be assessed in terms of numbers alone, or that the future would certainly care for itself. Starting with our original list of about 51 health clubs (assembled from our round-up of the very best gyms of 2013, publicly available statistics, as well as other expert lists), we asked you to elect your favorites - likewise enabling write-in ballots to make up any type of health clubs that weren't pointed out on the initial listing. As soon as and also they don't have to all be on the same team either, you do not have to strike a fitness center alone; multiple individuals can attack a fitness center at. EPA established that the combination of utilizing of smokestack controls as well as contamination credit histories from shifting generation amongst plants makes up a well-demonstrated system of discharge reduction, one that is commonly utilized by the power industry both to meet inner targets and also prior government and also state guidelines. Freely based upon real occasions, Funny of Power had its North American launching at the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival. The platform lift can be found in a huge range of different models, each one with various attributes that make it far better fit for a details sort of job. Les plates-formes Power Plate ® constituent une parfaite alternate put les personnes actives qui n'ont pas beaucoup de temps à consacrer à un entraînement trois fois the same level semaine, voire plus. Control is a crucial element of the lift system and because of this they commonly provide power assisted drive. Some health clubs only enable teens to workout in the assigned youth facility area, while other gyms permit teens the exact same freedom to make use of the equipment as the adults. The originator of this franchise business identified that there was a huge market for a gym such as Curves and undoubtedly has taken advantage of a found diamond. You might be missing out if you are guilty of wrapping up your health club session as well as avoiding out on a cool down or stretch. Keltner's research suggests that women are not immune from this mystery, which claims that the very qualities that help us look for power-like beauty, compassion, or humbleness -are the ones that having power could harm. The power in an organization lies with supervisors and managers who have actually been enabled within the business framework, to make sure that the company could operate effectively. However nonverbally presenting power during the interaction - now that's an additional thing with different prescriptions and also end results. By the end of March, president Peter Roberts believes Pure Gym will have surpassed the 103 total of UK gyms run by Virgin Energetic, the present primary driver. This stair lift has a lifting ability of 300 lb or 136 kg. A flip-up swivel seat that secures placement and also constant stress buttons are various other functions of this straight stair lift. While a lot of exclusive health clubs serve teenagers and grownups, a couple of select health clubs just enable teens. Picked this for ideas to supplement my barbell-based routine, for when I can not get to the health club, and to help my wife with suggestions to do in your home & health club. His afternoon training sessions at the gym have actually permitted more youthful fighters to work along with a master, as well as interested onlookers to see. Teaching your staff members all facets of power device training as well as security could minimize the opportunities of injury and also maintain your workforce effective as well as risk-free. The fitness center consists of weights, cardiovascular tools, security balls, machines and also resistance bands. Mirrors on all walls do not simply mimic the look of many health clubs - they actually make the room look bigger. A new wave of thinking of power exposes that it is offered to us by others as opposed to got. There are few better exercises for targeting full-body power compared to the medicine-ball bang. Most of the gyms need their participants to abide by the laws to be able to go into and utilize the facilities. No, in spite of prominent notions and the common urban legends, Pfeffer competes that the path to power is substantially various than the prominent concepts we were raised to believe. If you see that you are obtaining squeezed in order to spend for your fitness center Sydney subscription then you are bound to pull out after a few days. It is just a partial settlement to know that the paradox also implies that political hopefuls such as Donald Trump - angry, manipulative harasses - are less likely to acquire power to start with. If you are presently not making use of any kind of sort of eco-friendly power and intend to conserve electricity, you could still decrease your costs by disconnecting unutilized home appliances. Greetings Diona", he claimed pleasantly, as he came level with her, making her once more so aware of his figure as he looked down upon her. After years of lack of exercise, Ashley returned as the Yellow Space Ranger to help the Galaxy Rangers battle the Psycho Rangers. Individuals who pledged to stroll were 3 times more likely to show up vs. those just saying they would stroll. From scenting too excellent to filling out a large dimension water bottle when there is a line of people behind you, read on to see if you're guilty of any one of these 16 health club pet dog peeves. The Gym stated the variety of inexpensive health clubs across the country had enhanced to 319 this year from 58 in 2011. That said, the plot brings me to my 2nd problem - one which maintains Absolute Power from being a 5-star book. The health club also contains 450 items of cardio workout tools as well as dumbbells and makers. Yes, you heard me. We're paying triple numbers a month and also struggling atop lunar looking equipment in order to replicate easy youth searches like jumping rope, hula hooping and also playing tag. After the Power Rangers involve her rescue, she goes back to being the principal of Reefside High and is disclosed to have actually been a close personal good friend of Anton Mercer. Raise takes us on an enlightening scenic tour through time, starting with the ancient Greeks, who made a cult of the body-- words gym derives from the Greek word for naked"-- as well as following Roman legions, middle ages knights, Persian pahlevans, as well as eighteenth-century German gymnasts.

[calucadu]

The Light’s Child - Chapter 5

The Light’s Child, a League of Legends Fanfic. Chapter 5.

Summary: Lux has some worrying symptoms, and she thinks she might just know what it’s all about. Katarina wants to find out the light mage’s dark secret, what will she do to discover it?

Pairings: Darius/Lux, Ezreal/Lux, implied Garen/Katarina

Characters: Darius, Lux, Ezreal, OCs, Garen, Katarina, Talon, Draven, Soraka, Ekko, Swain, Jinx, LeBlanc

Rating: Mature

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“You agreed to what!?” Talon coughed up part of his drink, as he’d chocked on it while laughing at the surprising thing Katarina had just said to him.

“What? It’s perfect. That kid is literally brain dead. I mean, I’m already spying on him and all of his family and then he goes and asks for training classes. It’s like he wants me to spy on him some more.”

“Maybe he’s just got a crush on you.” The other teased, grinning. “He’s at that age. He must be curious about girls and seeing a striking woman like you, well…”

“Oh, you think I’m striking now, huh?” Katarina smirked, now her turn to tease.

“I’m surprised you said yes.” Talon mulled it over out loud, ignoring what she’d just said.

“Like I would refuse such a golden opportunity!” She huffed, rolling her eyes.

“When are you going to train him?” He asked.

“Tomorrow morning.” She said, finishing her own drink in one go and getting up. She left some coins on the table and walked out of the Bar of Legends, not turning back to look at him.

‘I will not fail.’ She thought, walking back home, a sly grin spread on her face. ‘Tomorrow’s my time to shine.’

The sight Darius encountered that morning was more than just peculiar. He entered the training room only to find Katarina and Ethanial chatting. She was touching his arm in an over-protective kind of way which made him narrow his eyes in suspicion. The General felt that something was off as he walked over to them, who hadn’t even noticed he’d entered.

“Good morning.” He said when he was within listening range.

“Oh! Good morning, Darius!” Ethanial jumped a little when he heard his voice and quickly started stumbling with his words. “I’m sorry, I asked Katarina to train me yesterday, I’m eager to learn about knife throwing and daggers, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I do recall you telling me you were interested, yeah.” The Noxian scratched his chin before looking at the woman. “Katarina, can I have a word with you, please?”

“Sure” She answered sweetly before turning to Ethanial. “Keep practising. Remember, it’s all in the wrist. When you think you have the movement done, try it out on those practice dummies I set up for you.”

They left the room and she quickly sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Ok, what’s this.” He grunted, baring his teeth at her.

“What’s what?” She answered bitterly, almost disgusted.

“This is none of my business I guess but it still sickens me. Isn’t he a bit too young for you?”

“What?” Her mouth dropped open and she finally looked up at him.

“I saw the way you were touching him, Kat.”

“Wait, it’s not what you think!” She started to panic, waving her hands in front of her.

“Plus I thought you already had a Crownguard?” Darius raised an eyebrow, now amused, especially by her reaction.

“I’m just going to ignore that.” She muttered, but then she looked serious. “Ok, I’ll just tell you. I don’t believe that Ezreal is that child’s father and I’m trying to figure out who his real dad is.”

“That’s ridiculous, Katarina. Why would they lie to us?”

“Because I believe the father is Noxian.” She responded bluntly. Darius’ eyebrows raised and he took a step back in alarm.

“Well, that would explain the lying thing... But, I’m still not convinced.”

“Look at him, Darius! He looks Noxian!”

The General was silent for a few seconds. He had to be very careful with everything he worded.

“Do you have any candidates?” He whispered after a while.

“Well…”

“He resembles Talon a little bit.”  Darius cocked his head, pretending to be deep in thought.

“I also thought that. But I already talked to him and he denied it. He’s like a brother to me… I know when he lies to me and he didn’t lie to me then.”

Darius’s eyebrows creased.

“I’m trying to think of candidates. Jayce? He’s not Noxian, I know, but…”

“Then why have Ezreal cover up?” Katarina grunted, rolling her eyes.

“True. It is odd…” Darius sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“So, I was thinking…” Katarina talked slowly, trying to find a way to say what she needed to without messing it up. “That Draven might have something to do with it.”

“Draven?” The General raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to react.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised. You know how he is.”

Darius sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I have caught Draven trying to have sex with women before, but isn’t it a little ridiculous?”

“Get your head out of your arse, Darius.” Katarina snapped, her eyes narrowing and boring into his. “Your brother is a disgusting excuse for a human being.”

“He’s still my brother.” The man snarled, slamming a fist against the wall beside her. “And you have no right to speak like that about him, especially with no evidence.”

“That’s why I came here. To you. To the kid.”

“To me?” He moved the hand away from the wall, but was still inches away from her face, his posture not at all relaxed and his eyes still searched her face frantically.

“He looks a bit like Draven.” She whispered, looking away. “And who knows Draven more than anyone?”

“I think the correct answer to that one is Draven.”

“Darius! Be serious here! Do you really think Ezreal is the father?” Katarina nearly whined.

There was a silence before the man shook his head and whispered a low “No.” He sighed and rested his back against the wall. “I stopped Draven from abusing Lux a very long time ago. I don’t know exactly when, but I stopped it. Although I cannot say that it didn’t happen again.”

“Are you being serious?” She questioned, needing to make sure.

“Yes. I heard her trying to scream and broke down the door to his place. Found her crying and I intervened. I don’t care about her – or any Demacian, really – but I cannot tolerate those kind of actions, especially not coming from blood of my blood.”

“Yet you care about this kid.” She stated, her eyes pierced onto his.

“I don’t see him like that. He’s not Demacian, he wasn’t raised there. He’s not part of the war.”

“Why are you training him?”

“And you?” He muttered, an eyebrow raised, like he was accusing her.

“You know my intentions. I need to know yours.”

“Like that would change anything.” He snorted, but turned to look at her, serious. “Swain’s orders. I cannot say anything more.”

“Swain? He looked pretty pissed off when you announced you were going to train him. I don’t believe you.”

“It was an act, Kat. Swain is interested in the boy, thinks he has much potential. I am prohibited to say anything else but try to put that pretty little head to use.” He snapped.

She was silent for a while, thinking. If the boy was good – and apparently he was – could Swain actually use him for something? Claim him, make a soldier out of him? Was Darius’s training a good enough excuse to make him a slave for Noxus? Or maybe they were thinking of kidnapping him? He was the son of at least one League Champion, had some magical power and Katarina was sure that was worth quite a lot. Was that what he was trying to make her understand but couldn’t say?

“And would anything change for Swain if Draven was the father?” She swallowed, slightly scared to ask what was on her mind.

“It’ll make things easier, I guess. But honestly I can’t come to terms with the fact that you are imposing the idea of that kid being my niece.”

“There’s no other way! Look, same hair, same body type! And you even told me that!” Katarina raised her voice, exasperated. “Plus, seeing how Draven is, I’m surprised he doesn’t have like twenty other bastard children.”

Darius groaned, uncomfortable. “Do you know what consequences could come from the things you are implying?”

She looked at him, cocking her head slightly and frowning.

“I don’t think I understand.”

“This is huge, Kat! This is bad!” The General exploded, stressing the last word. “A child between a Noxian and a Demacian? And the parents are both League Champions? If any of this information leeks out you’re going to ruin the life of Ethanial, Lux and probably Ezreal’s as well.”

“And Draven’s.” She whispered, but she was slowly understanding what the man was trying to tell her.

“Yeah, him too. It might even be bad for me, too. For training him or something. They could come up with anything. And sure, we don’t care about them, but do they really deserve any of this?”

“Wow, Darius.” She leaned against the wall and smiled slyly at him. “You’ve gone soft.”

He snarled, exasperated and turned around, huffing his annoyance. If he wasn’t careful he wouldn’t be able to control his anger and fear and he could blow his own cover up.

“But, you’re right.” She muttered, rolling her eyes, ashamed of admitting it. “They don’t deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, Draven should rot in Hell.”

“And who’d be your drinking buddy, then?” He teased, knowing fully well that Katarina enjoyed many nights partying with his brother.

At the mention of a ‘drinking buddy’ an idea struck Katarina and a huge smirk appeared on her face, before she composed herself and looked at the General, serious.

“Okay, enough speculation. We don’t know the truth. Let’s just get these training classes out of the way.”

“Yeah.” Darius muttered, walking to the door and opening it, letting her in before him. They entered the training room just as Ethanial threw a dagger, hitting a dummy square in the chest.

“That was pretty good!” Katarina encouraged him, walking to him and patting his back.

They started talking as Darius watched them from the door.

‘Thank god I have her fooled.’ He thought, finally being able to sigh in relief. It had been a very stressful few minutes, and he wasn’t sure he would’ve lasted much longer. ‘But she fell straight for the bait. She really is just a dumb bitch.’

‘The kid’s a natural.’ Katarina told herself, watching as the boy flicked his wrist, practising what she’d just taught him. ‘Like someone else we know…’

Darius leaned against the wall, watching as his son threw three daggers, all of them landing perfectly in what would be the chest, the head and the gut of one of the dummies.

‘My son really is good.’ He thought to himself. He already knew it, though. He was a good fighter, strong and persistent, but he didn’t know about his throwing ability. It was pretty impressive.

“The League’s gonna be all over you, kid.” Darius remarked from where he stood. “But if you want a tip, keep a few secrets to yourself. They’ll get greedy.”

“Ok!” The boy answered, smiling broadly at him. The Noxian hated that smile of his. It was beautiful, but he didn’t loathe it because of it. He hated it because of how it made him feel. And every time he saw it, it made him feel the same, like a black hole had settled in his stomach and was sucking him from all his happiness. Because his own son would never know he was his father.

‘I just need Katarina to keep her mouth shut.’ He’d known for a while that she was spying on Ethanial. C’mon, Darius wasn’t dim. He was pretty sure the boy wasn’t either, but he was probably too naïve to see what was going on. But the General was sure he’d killed two birds with one stone. He’d stopped Kat from intruding any further, especially when she was closing in on the truth and he’d even made her believe he was innocent. And if all went well, she would never expose what she thought was the “truth”.

Katarina really liked the Bar of Legends. She especially liked it on a weekday, where fewer people gathered there. She smirked, going in and finding Ezreal waiting for her on a table, twirling his fingers nervously.

“So, what do you wanna talk about?” The explorer asked when the Noxian woman sat next to him, way too close for him to be comfortable. He wriggled away, but she placed a hand on the table and leaned in.

“Don’t be shy, babe. Let’s order something to drink. Whatcha want? It’s on me, tonight.”

With a quick wrist movement, she ordered Miss Fortune, the bartender, over. Sarah walked up to them, a playful smirk on her face.

The good thing about the Bar of Legends is that you could meet up with any champion you wanted without being judged, and the bar itself actually encouraged everyone to be friendly to each other, but it also had some downsides to it. Like the smirking redhead that stared at them.

“Interesting.” She said. “What’ll you have?”

Katarina smiled at her, looked at Ezreal and ordered for both of them. The boy looked away, slightly embarrassed because he was being seen being chummy with her.

When their beverages arrived, the Noxian made them toast and encouraged the boy to drink as much as he could. He was able to slam the glass, now empty, on the table and the woman next to him congratulated him, asking for another round.

“What did you wanna talk about?” He repeated, wiping his mouth sloppily with his sleeve.

“It’s about Ethanial.” She smiled, taking one sip of her own drink. She couldn’t afford to be cocky.

“He’s such a great lass, isn’t he?” Ezreal smiled and reached out to continue drinking.

“Oh, yes, he’s a wonderful kid. He’s handsome and nice, and well, did you know I trained him today?”

“You did? That’s good…” The explorer trailed off, before remembering they were talking. “Oh, how’d he do?”

“He asked me to show him to throw knifes and to use daggers. He’s a natural, you know.” She smiled warmly at him and noticed how the other’s expression changed, looking really proud.

“He is?”

“Yeah, and he’s gotten really good at fighting. He’s also pretty strong.”

Ezreal didn’t answer, he just smiled and drank some more. Katarina nodded her head in approval.

“Darius is a good teacher.” She mentioned and the other smiled and nodded in approval.

“Yeah, Ethanial is very enthusiastic of his training since he started. I’m very pleased.”

“Do you know when he’ll be in the League?” Katarina asked, peering into his drinking glass. “Fortune, another round!”

“I really shouldn’t be having any more…” He muttered and she had a good look at him. Ezreal had turned a bright pink colour, even his ears were blushing.

“Nonsense. It’s on me, remember? So have as much as you want.”

Two more glasses were plonked in front of them and Katarina was forced to finish hers to encourage him to drink some more. Luckily she had the upper hand here and could see the boy was getting intoxicated.

“Do you want him to be in the League?” She asked, twirling her hair and staring provocatively at him.

“Uhh…” Ezreal was getting pretty drunk by then, being small and not having much drinking experience. His tongue felt heavy but he felt pretty ecstatic as well. “I just want him to be happy.”

“So…” Kat leaned in, forcing the boy to retreat. Her warm body was getting too close to him and that was making him uncomfortable. “How’s your relationship with Lux?”

“Oh, it’s going great.” He answered, flushed. “I love her so much.”

“You’re not finishing your drink, Ezreal.” Her tone of voice changed. “Are you trying to be rude?”

“No, no!” He panicked. He picked up his beverage and had it all in one go, which was a mistake. His head started to spin and he had to take a moment to control the situation.

“Another round!” The woman beside him shouted and he started to scream internally.

“Please, no…” He groaned, feeling woozy.

“Ah, c’mon babe, lighten up.” She whispered in his ear.

Ezreal blushed and sighed, not particularly enthusiastic about the fact that he could feel her warm breath against his neck, and it kind of felt good.

“How’s the sex with Lux?” Katarina asked, all of a sudden, making the other jump. “I’m just curious.”

The explorer blinked twice before turning his head and muttering a quick “Good.”, ashamed that he’d had to answer such a lewd question.

“That’s nice to hear. I mean, you’ve been together for soooo long… I was just wondering if the relationship had gone awry and all that.”

“Oh. It’s actually never been better.” He grinned enthusiastically, his face changing completely.

They continued talking and she forced Ezreal to finish his drink. She smiled, amused, when she found him (after coming from the bathroom) incoherently singing something, his head lying on the table. His face was extremely red and he looked really, really happy.

“Alright, time to take you home.” She huffed, making him stand and grabbing him by his waist. “C’mon, let’s go. Sarah, put it on my tab.”

“Ok, have fun!” The bartender smirked knowingly at them, writing something down on a piece of paper.

‘Oh, I will!’ Katarina thought as she nearly dragged Ezreal out of the bar.

When she was sure they were alone and no one was around to hear them, she forced him to sit down on the ground and she crouched in front of him.

“Ezreal, focus.” She clapped her hands together to pick up his attention and he looked at her, his eyes half lidded.

“You’re really sexy.” He muttered, turning red again. Then he bit his lip, realising what he’d said. “Oh, fuck, don’t tell Lux… that I said that.”

“I won’t if you tell me something I want to know.”

“Aight.” He agreed, his head cocking to the side. She forced him upright again and he tried – he really did – to pay attention to her.

“I need to know something. Ethanial isn’t your kid, right?”

Ezreal’s eyes widened, and he looked focussed for once since getting drunk. He started stammering something, his whole face flushed.

“I’m gonna throw up…” He whispered, agitated. He tried to get up but she pushed him down, her face dead serious.

“Answer me.”

“Y-yes. He’s not mine.”

“Who’s the father?”

“I dunno.” He slurred, looking away.

“Ezreal.” She said, forcing him to look at her. “Who’s the father? Tell me!”

The boy looked up at her, his lower lip trembling and his face still flushed. His eyes showed maybe pity, she couldn’t quite tell, but he started to cry, which took her by surprise. She stared at him as tears slid down his cheeks and his whole body started to tremble with the force of his sobs.

“Sh-She told me she was r…r-raped.” He tried to wipe the tears away but they were too many of them. “I’ll kill him!”

All Katarina could do was watch him quietly. She looked at his face, saw how it contorted itself in anger and then in sadness. A little lump of pity got stuck in her throat and she couldn’t make it go away no matter how much she tried to swallow the feeling away.

“I’ll kill…!” Ezreal’s words started to become incoherent as he tried to raise himself from the ground but she caught him and sat him down again, maybe as a way to numb the feelings that had risen after seeing him in that state.

“I’m so sorry for her.” He whined then, almost coherently, which was weird since he was so intoxicated he could hardly stand. “I just really, really love her.”

“She loves you too.” She muttered, hoarsely. Honestly, she couldn’t tell if she’d done it out of pity to comfort him, because she truly believed her words or if it was a way to get him to calm down so she could take him home.

Ezreal tried to shake his head fiercely, but got really dizzy half way through and ended up falling on his side. His tongue and general drunken state wasn’t letting him express what he wanted to say.

‘I can’t return him in this state.’ She thought and sighed. She’d never imagined he would give her this much trouble.

“Calm down, Ez.” She muttered, not sure if she was unhappy at the situation or because she was forced to try and be chummy with him so he would shut up. “Let’s get you home.”

“Home…?” He muttered, as if the word was a new one he’d never heard before.

“To Lux.” She explained, hoicking him up from the floor.

“I loooveee heeeer sooo muuuuch.” He slurred or tried to sing, she wasn’t quite sure. “I’m soooo happy she loves me toooooo.”

“Yeah, c’mon. Where do you live?”

He pointed in the right direction and she dragged him along, getting annoyed by him gurgling idiotic things. They reached his apartment building and she asked for his keys. He fumbled in his pockets for what seemed like hours until he found them and handed them over to her. She opened the door for him and then managed to drag him in, trying to shush him.

“Be quiet, you’re gonna wake the whole building up. Which one’s your floor?”

“Third.” They walked up the stairs in silence, but Katarina was huffing in exhaustion. He walked over to the door and leaned on it, murmuring something incomprehensible.

“See ya. Thanks.” She muttered, patting his back and walking up the stairs. She hid and waited. She wanted to make sure everything ended up well between the two, and she couldn’t quite understand why. Maybe it was the guilt of having gotten the teenager drunk and made him blab Lux’s secret. Katarina shook her head, she couldn’t have herself feeling like this over some stupid boy and his love. Annoyed, she decided she wasn’t going to let herself get this soft again, and that she would pay a certain someone a visit.

The explorer started to pound the door with his knuckles, realising he had to get in. It didn’t take long for Lux to swing it open and to her surprise, she had to catch a very inebriated Ezreal as he nearly fell on the floor.

“What the…?” She asked, trying to make him stand on his own legs.

“I love you, Lux.” He whispered, kissing her on the mouth. She opened hers to respond and he snuck his tongue in it.

“Ezreal?” She asked, finally getting away from him. His face was bright red and his eyes seemed foggy. “Are you drunk?”

“Very.” He panted, forcing his mouth on hers again. His hands found their way under her clothes and she yelped, excited.

She forced him closer to her and then closed the door behind them, letting Katarina finally relax, coming out from her hiding place.

She grinned. It had been an excellent day. And it all made sense. Ethanial, like Draven, was a natural at throwing weapons. And the Noxian was known for his unscrupulous behaviour with woman. Katarina was pretty sure he’d raped Lux and she’d gotten pregnant with the child. They even looked like each other. They had the same frame, small but strong. Even their hair colour was pretty similar.

There was no way she was wrong. Every single piece in the puzzle fitted. She knew their dirty little secret. And she would make him pay.

The following morning, Katarina couldn’t have been happier. She hummed on her way through the Institute, until she found exactly who she wanted to talk to. She grabbed his hood as he passed by her quickly and he groaned in protest.

“What is it, Kat?” Talon shook her off and turned to sternly look at her. “I’m in a hurry, I have a match.”

“Oh, so you don’t wanna know who Ethanial’s father is, then?” She grinned, folding her arms in front of her chest cockily.

“You figured it out?” His eyebrows raised in disbelief as he put his hood back on.

“But you have a match. You’re in a hurry.” She teased, running a dainty finger over one of his blades.

“Oh c’mon, don’t be like that. Tell me quickly.” He yanked them away from her but leaned in so she could whisper the name in his ear.

“It’s Draven.”

Talon hummed in satisfaction, rubbing his chin in thought. “Noxian. Fits that profile. Non-consensual, I guess?”

“Exactly.”

“Boy, Ezreal’s a loser.” He chuckled.

“I almost feel bad for him.”

“Well, you did it, Kat. Good job.” And before she could answer, he’d turned around and started running down the hall.

[firstpuffin]

A summary of the Star Wars: Dark Forces series

-Notes= 

0.1 = I apologise about being late this week (not that anyone waits on me), I decided to go and get my own images for this article, only for it to take longer than I remembered. I was up until 4 AM playing Jedi Academy.

0.2 = I am fully aware and being open about that some of this piece is basically the same as in a previous article. I found that I was trying to put too much into the previous article and decided to write this one, reusing a few bits and pieces. Most of this is new though, so please give it a read.

I grew up playing Jedi Knight: Jedi Outcast on the GameCube, the only game of the series that I had access to and I spent years craving the opportunity to play the sequel Jedi Academy. I played my favourite missions again and again; playing with and without cheats and played multi-player (against the computer) for hours at a time. I still remember convincing my friend to play with me, only for him to win using cheap exploits. He won, but I don’t think it was fun for either of us.

-above: multiplayer

   I was so obsessed that I would devour whatever information I could find on the next game, and I believe this was before Let’s Plays on YouTube were a big thing. I learned that you could design a character AND a lightsaber; could you tick ANY more of my boxes? I even downloaded a PC demo to, well let’s be honest here, fail at. It would be a long time before I started playing games on PC and that may be due to my experience with this demo. I knew enough about this game that I could call out a braggard at school; you know the type, that guy who has played everything you want to play and is cooler than you until you realise that he doesn’t know jack-all about what he’s talking about.

  When I finally started playing games on PC, I discovered that I had access to this series; in fact I think Jedi Academy was the deciding factor on why I started doing so. I found that the early games were too clumsy for a casual gamer like myself to play, although I was able to finish, and then cheat my way to different lightsabers and realistic dismemberment, that game from my childhood dreams. I love the series so much, and particularly the main character, that I have decided to take the time to write this. I intend for this to be a summary of the series rather than a review and is totally, one-hundred percent for fun; for me and hopefully those who read it.

  The first game was released in 1995 was a clone of Doom which had come out two years earlier, and the final game came out in 2003 so you can imagine the sort of thing that I am talking about.

-above: graphics from the first and final games of the series

Despite being called the “Jedi Knight” series, that title only appeared from the second game onwards, which makes sense considering the first game was, as I said, a Doom shoot-‘em-up clone; it was only in the second game that the protagonist begins down the path of the Force. Speaking of whom, the series follows the character Kyle Katarn, an ex-Imperial officer who was betrayed by the Empire over the circumstances of his father’s death and became a mercenary with ties to the Rebel Alliance. Katarn and his games are not currently canon (by which I mean an official part of the Star Wars story) thanks to 2016’s Rogue One, given that the very first mission of the very first game is to steal the Death Star’s plans. Before the new entries to the Star Wars universe plodded over and trampled down what was the Extended Universe and is now referred to as Legends, Katarn was popular enough to appear in literature, graphic novels, role playing games and the video game Lethal Alliance.

-above: Kyle Katarn in his first appearance

   Bringing my wayward thoughts back on track, the first game (Star Wars: Dark Forces) involved a very, boring Katarn shooting his way through his given mission of stopping the Empire’s Dark Trooper project, all of which is set to happen after the first movie. Thankfully Katarn improves as a character (personality-wise AND physically) as the series does. The game is separated into different missions, each with its own objective and usually on a different planet to the last. There isn’t much of a story outside of how the main goal is accomplished, with no real character dynamics or establishing of their backgrounds.

-above: the PlayStation cover for the game

The second game is called “Star Wars” with the subtitle “Jedi Knight” and… a second subtitle? I don’t get how this works but the game is known by the second subtitle “Dark Forces II” and I personally wouldn’t mind if the entire series was called Dark Forces which sounds badass; plus Dark Forces: Jedi Outcast is far less clumsy than Jedi Knight: Jedi Outcast, but hey. Getting, again, back on track, Dark Forces II was released in 1997, two years after the first.

  The developers attempted to use live-action cutscenes to tell the story, bringing about an adorably quaint feeling through bad acting and even worse CGI. Katarn’s actor, Jason Court, was a major improvement on his design which would stick around for the rest of the series (in cases like this I always have to wonder what the actor thinks of the later representation of the character, if he cares at all).

-above: Jason Court as Kyle Katarn

  The story of Dark Forces II, set after the Battle of Endor, followed the pursuit of the Dark Jedi Jerec who is attempting to become the leader of a new Empire and who was revealed to be the killer of Kyle’s father. In a cutscene, Jerec kills Jedi Qu Rahn whose disembodied voice talks Kyle through the training needed to become a Jedi and who provides advice throughout the game, particularly before a boss fight. It is also Rahn’s green lightsaber that Kyle uses, and is his first out of three over the series. The rest of the story is pretty simple as Katarn chases down Jerec, all the way to a place called The Valley of the Jedi where a Force user can gain immense strength. The most interesting part of the story is how there are two endings: the Light side and the Dark side endings.

-above: Kyle with Qu Rahn’s lightsaber 

   The Light side ending is the canon (technically correct) ending where Katarn’s actions earn respect from one antagonist and whose yellow lightsaber becomes yours after Rahn’s is destroyed, and Katarn uses it to kill Jerec in the Valley. He eventually becomes a Jedi and trains with Luke Skywalker, although this isn’t established in-game. The Dark side ending has Katarn kill Jan Ors, the token love interest, and the voice of Qu Rahn stops talking completely, having abandoned you just as you did the Light side, and after killing Jerec, Kyle fulfils his goal for him, becoming the new Emperor with Jerec’s female companion alongside him, all the while retaining Qu Rahn’s green lightsaber.

-above left to right: The Light side and Dark side endings

  There was an expansion pack named “Mysteries of the Sith”, where the player got the chance to play as Mara Jade (who has quite a presence in Legends) and fight Kyle who fell to the Dark side. Set five years after Dark Forces II, Kyle has become a Jedi Master and is still using the yellow lightsaber he gained while fighting Jerec. During his time as a Jedi, and clearly after this game, Katarn builds his own lightsaber, putting aside the yellow one in favour of this new blue one with a much cooler hilt (although if you’ll entertain me, I’d like to say I’d prefer that he kept the yellow blade after changing the hilt as I feel that blue lightsabers kinda oversaturate the Star Wars universe; either establish blue as the colour of the Jedi or mix things up to keep it interesting, please).

  At some point before the third game, Jedi Outcast, Kyle’s fear of the Dark side is exacerbated by actually falling to it, and he separates himself from the Force and the Order, leaving his new lightsaber with Luke. During Jedi Outcast he returns to the Force when Jan Ors is kidnapped by Dark Jedi Desann (there are so many of these buggers), retrieving his lightsaber and relearning his powers. This game is a landmark in the series for the development of the unique and super-fun lightsaber combat system.

  This combat system made use of the agility of the Jedi, leaping off of walls, somersaulting and wall running to get the upper hand in fights and the fights themselves can either really drag on, leaving the player with stiff hands, or end in a single strike, depending on a combination of skill and chance. This method of fighting earned the game a Lot of praise and is largely considered to be the best lightsaber combat system of all time and was expanded on in the next game, Jedi Academy, where dual wielding and double-ended lightsabers were added, each with their own styles.

-above: mid-way through the game you can choose a new style

  On top of this there were options to cheat, allowing the player to decapitate and dismember their opponents (or themselves should they lose in a fight) and thanks to these cheats, Jedi Academy gave players the opportunity to pick up dead opponent’s lightsabers and use them; this allows the player to switch between single, double and duel sided lightsabers depending on what enemies they face. It’s so incredibly cool that one has to wonder why it wasn’t a part of the game already, especially as they can be unlocked with a code in the console (I don’t understand this well enough to explain, but it's basically accessing what’s already in the game).

-above: a red lightsaber taken from dispatched enemy (not shown)

  By the end of Jedi Outcast, Kyle has returned to the order and is an instructor during the events of Jedi Academy, the final game in the series. As Jedi Academy did really well upon release, yet it followed so soon after Jedi Outcast that some apparently considered it to be little more than an expansion and I assume there was some amount of Dark Forces exhaustion which may be why no further games were made. There may be other reasons, but they are not important for the purposes of this piece.

  Dark Forces IV: Jedi Academy (see how it flows so much better when you don’t say “Jedi” twice?) no longer directly follows Kyle, but instead follows Jaden Korr, a character whose species, sex and overall appearance are designed by the character, although there does seem to be a canon design as the character is mentioned elsewhere. This could be considered disappointing, but neither species nor sex affects the story in any way so it is debatable whether or not this matters. I believe that I mentioned this in an earlier article but the customisation options are limited and, in some cases, kinda weird. Clothes are specific to species and sex, while not all races have both genders even if that has been established; for example you can only play as a female Twi'lek. I assume there is a reason for these choices, although the clothes limitation seems a bit odd and, should we ever be lucky enough to have this game remade, I’d hope that future editions expand on the options. (I’d like male Twi’leks and a Togruta species, plus outfits that aren’t limited to species).

-above: Togruta female Ahsoka Tano from the Clone Wars cartoon

  The same applies to the lightsaber customisation. The player is understandably limited to three types of lightsaber: a single blade, two blades or a double-ended saber, but the blade colours are limited and the hilt has to be chosen from a pre-made select few. With today’s technology it should be no problem to expand these options. I have rambled on a lot about customisation as I always find it to be a favourite part of any game, but I’ll get back on track now.

  The story of Jedi Academy follows Jaden Korr, fellow disciple Rosh Penin (an absolute tool) and their master Kyle Katarn. While Kyle is technically training these two, Jaden is usually alone in their missions. Rosh slides to the Dark side as Jaden uncovers a plot to steal Force energy from particularly powerful places (what the hell even is the Force anyway? I might write a thought piece about that sometime). We discover that the perpetrator is a character who Kyle let live from the last game and Jaden can lean into either the Light or Dark side for a different ending, just like Dark Forces II, but the Dark side ending (also non-canon) pits Jaden against Kyle in a final battle.

-above: failing the final battle against Kyle (I did this a lot)

I don’t know how to conclude what is meant to be a simple summary of a series and doing so is probably made harder by the fact that I’ve already written about it from the point of view of how it could be remade.

  The Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Dark Forces series is an amazing product unfortunately limited by its time. Of course I wouldn’t want it delayed to be made later as the same people wouldn’t be working on it with the same goals and intent; it simply wouldn’t be the same series.

[radreactions]

Aww heck another Queenslander! I graduated last week and I’m still so bitter about the 5-star QCS question, but I digress. So, um... if you’re taking requests, what Peak Ozzie Things would you associate the companions and other major NPCs with, stereotypical or otherwise?

Congratulations on graduating, my friend! I guess the QCS hasn’t gotten any better, huh? I hated that damn thing, although that’s probably attributed to the fact that I skipped the two practice days XD

Anyway, I hope this is what you wanted because I was kinda stumped on this one for a while! Enjoy!

Ada – Everybody loves muscle cars and like to *ahem* discuss in a friendly manner which one of them is the best am I right? But here in Australia we have an everlasting feud as who is better: Ford or Holden, and practically everyone down under wants a Holden Maloo. Personally? Holden wipes the floor with Ford, but Ada for some reason strikes me as a Ford gal. It’s why she breaks down all the damn time!

Cait – Obviously a natural born drinker who might be able to keep up with us Aussies. Might. Although she definitely keeps up with our swearing, probably learning a word or two in the process. Her favourite has got to be ‘drongo’ or even how most of us regularly use the word ‘cunt’ as a way of showing affection to our mates.

Codsworth – Australia being the rebellious child of England full of convicts. It’s not our fault Britain decided to send their prisoners here. If anything, we should get payback considering the amounts of classes in primary school based solely on convicts that literally bored us all to tears! Honestly. Merely mention the word ‘convict’ to any Australian kid and I guarantee you, they’ll shudder like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons. If I never even think of that word again it’ll be too soon…

Curie – Koalas. I mean – the cuteness! Argh! I’ve had the absolute pleasure to hold one and oh my God it was like, the second best moment of my life! Seriously look at them and worship their cuteness!

Danse – Our famed meat pies with the dollop of tomato sauce in the centre in the shape of our wonderful country. Seems to me that Danse in particular would love these, I mean the big guy definitely comes across as a pie eater. Heh. Pun intended XD

Dogmeat – The typical farm scene where the loyal pooch loves riding on the back of the quad bike when really he should be out there herding the sheep. Lazy little bastard. Won’t be gettin’ any beer for a good long while now!

Deacon – Good ol’ Deacon strikes me as a total thongs guy and likely has a pretty noticeable sun tan on his feet too, like most of us here. We can never sneak up on anyone because you can hear the thongs slapping from a mile away, but the good thing about them is in winter time, just put them on over your socks! (I’m totally kidding, don’t do that, you’ll look like a bogan)

Hancock – Dropbears. Mangily coat, blood soaked teeth and crazed look in the eyes, the whole shebang. They suddenly go from harmless little Koala’s to blood-crazed man-eaters in the blink of an eye and we’ve lost a lot of good people to those monsters, so remember while passing under doorframes and low branches – to look up and live.

Gage – Crocodile wrestling of course. I mean come on, what Aussie hasn’t wrestled a croc once in a while? They’re just poor misunderstood creatures that are often mistaken for dangerous killing machines (probably due to their teeth which are totally not sharp all) who just need a good tender hug. Try it. It’s very therapeutic. You’ll make a best friend for life, guaranteed.

MacCready – Our sarcasm levels so high that it’s hard to tell whether or not we’re being for real or just joking with you. It’s always funny when you see someone from another country’s eyes glaze over in indecision because they don’t know if they should believe you or not when you say something here could kill you (like the time I convinced my Dutch friend that blue butterflies are poisonous)  *devious laughter*

Nick Valentine – Ned Kelly. The famed outlaw turned hero, now being immortalised in custom made mailboxes, bumper stickers and television shows blowing his legend way out of proportion. He’s almost made out to be the Australian equivalent of Robin Hood, but let’s not forget that the guy was a bloody criminal.

Old Longfellow – Australia as one giant red desert with all sorts of monstrous creatures trying to kill you. I mean yeah we are flattest country in the world apparently and yeah we have a gorgeous big red rock smack dab in the centre of a seemingly endless beautiful red desert and I guess some of our fauna are a bit… well… unfriendly at times, but the only real danger happens when you’re careless. Main rules are to always look where you are stepping outside, never leave shoes outdoors, never leave doors open without flyscreen, don’t lift old tin, don’t sit on garden retainer walls, always mow the damn lawn, always have flyscreen on your windows because seriously fuck those damn flies and if you get bit by a snake, if it ain’t green get your ass to a hospital pronto. Basic stuff. Oh and I almost forgot, always look up when walking under doorways and branches, those Dropbears are relentless.

Piper Wright – Neighbours. The Goddamn television show that everyone knows about even though you’ve never watched a single episode in your life because the ads are on every. Single. Night. With the latest on who’s banging who. Apparently it’s a big hit overseas and I have a sneaking suspicious that it would be the exact type of show Piper would guiltily watch. If someone comes in when it’s on she’d quickly turn the TV off and peg the remote across the room.

Preston Garvey – Our friendly attitudes and neighbourly nature that this guy encapsulates which, I guess, isn’t exactly a stereotype considering it’s true for the most part. Except of course when the footy is on. Go Cowboys!

Strong – I’ve heard that some people think that we eat all our wildlife? Like all of it including grubs, snakes, crocs, emu and kangaroo which – for the most part, yeah it is available – but Koala’s are most certainly off limits. At least in my head anyway. Don’t correct me, I like living in ignorant bliss. Seriously I love those furry little babies, only monsters would eat them like Strong. Fucking Strong.

X6-88 – The whole country of Australia loves AC/DC which – for all intents and purposes – is actually true for yours truly. Personal favourites of mine are Hell’s Bells, For Those About to Rock and Whole Lotta Rosie, whereas X6 has Back in Black written all over him. Seriously.

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Time & Tide, Ch. 2 (”Come and Turn the Tide”)

In 1985, a Time Master grabs young Lisa Snart for the Refuge…but there’s no way she’s going anywhere without her brother.

And years later, when Miranda and Jonas die and the Time Council refuses to do anything, Rip Hunter turns to his oldest friend…

(Based on what was originally meant to be a throwaway line in “Secret Santa.” There will be CaptainCanary. Because it’s me.)

Can also be read here at AO3 and here at FF.net. (As can Chapter 1 and the prologue.) Many thanks to @larielromeniel!

What you gonna do when things go wrong? What you gonna do when it all cracks up? What you gonna do when the love burns down? What you gonna do when the flames go up?

(Simple Minds, "Alive and Kicking," 1985)

"You know this is a bad idea." Lisa's voice isn't disapproving. She knows better. Instead, it's resigned. And that's a tone she's become very used to taking with her older brother over the years.

"It's Miranda and Jonas, Lis." Len watches her intently through the viewscreen on his ship. He'd rather see her in person, but the Solace is actually keeping an eye on an untimely outbreak of typhoid fever in 2022. "You know them. You helped deliver Jonas! I can't let Rip deal with this on his own."

"Yes, but…" The professional time ship captain nibbles her lip like the little girl he remembers, then sighs. "This is why we're not supposed to have attachments," she tells him with resignation. "You know that."

"I think the Time Council would be better if they did." Len holds up his hands when she starts to retort. "Yeah, yeah, I know." It's an old argument. "But I'm helping. I'll do my best to keep my nose clean. Clean-ish. I just wanted to update you."

That gets him a smile. "Thank you," Lisa tells him. "Now…don't tell me more. What I don't know, I can't tell."

She might act like she's a rule-follower, these days, but that's the sister he remembers. Len grins.

"That's it," he tells her, leaning back in his chair, "be a rebel. Fight the evil Empire."

Lisa smiles again, but the expression is a little torn, and Len's already regretting his quip. When she starts to speak again, there's something sad and regretful in her tone.

"Len," she says, using his real name, which she rarely does, "someone needs to protect time. And they saved us."

Yeah, to do their bidding and their dirty work, he thinks. But all he says is, "I'll be careful."

They both know he probably won't.

He keeps his stop at the Refuge brief. Mary is enigmatic as always, but Len continues to think she knows more than she's letting on, both about Rip's quest and the Time Council's decision to ignore Vandal Savage's actions. Still, she's one of the very few people he trusts. He gives her a few new time-travel books he's found; they chat about the newest children added to her flock.

When he leaves, she doesn't ask where he's going.

"Welcome back onboard, Captain Tyler. It is good to see you."

"Good to hear you, Gideon." Len pauses in the bigger ship's hatch. He always considers it only polite to interact with the AIs, and Gideon has quite the personality. They get each other. "How's he doing?"

A pause. "As well as can be expected," the AI finally says, quietly. "This…plan, it is letting him maintain hope. I'm not quite sure of the wisdom of it, but there is that."

"Hope's a powerful thing," Len acknowledges.

"Indeed."

The much smaller Falcon is parked next to the Waverider in this deserted lot in Central City, both ships cloaked and waiting. Len knows that Rip issued his invitation to eight people, all from this time, presumably chosen from the dossiers he'd assembled, but the other man has done some of his own research, too. There could be additions.

"Ah! There you are." Rip is striding down the hall, and the energy about the man convinces Len that Gideon is precisely correct in her assessment. He's using the hope of this gambit to keep himself going. "They should be here soon. If they're coming, but I think they will." He nods at Len. "You were right…"

"There are those words again."

Rip ignores him. "… I think it was the correct call to tell them the true nature of the mission. None of them liked the notion that time would forget them."

"Not surprised. These hero-y types generally…"

"Captain Hunter, Captain Tyler," Gideon cuts in, "there is a group of eight people outside. They're rather obviously wondering if they're in the right place. It's time."

Eight. So all of them had agreed to come. The two men exchange a glance, then start for the hatch.

Once they're there, Rip waits more or less patiently for it to open, but Len leans out just a little, still concealed by the Waverider's cloak, and studies them. The inventor, the hawks, the…

"Aaahh," he breathes, watching. "You did invite the assassin. And she agreed."

"Of course. You recommended her mostly highly…" Rip cuts his gaze to his friend, then sighs. "Oh lord," he mutters. "This is part of your…fetish...for dangerous people, isn't it?"

"No. Yes…maybe." He tilts his head to consider the group. "Wait. Who's the…"

But Rip's heading down now, lifting his voice to greet the people he's promised to make legends, and Len's left standing in the ship. He's pretty sure the Waverider's captain means him to stay and watch, rather than putting himself out there and confusing the matter.

He shrugs, and follows anyway.

"…you imagine what a time ship would look like in, say, Victorian England?" he hears Rip explain, just as he uncloaks the Waverider. "Holographic indigenous camouflage protection."

"Just call it a cloak, Rip. Makes more sense and is a lot less bombastic." Len stops just behind him, eyeing the group with interest. "Well, isn't this an interesting lot."

He hears Rip sigh, but the other man doesn't even bother scolding.

"Stop looking at my crew like you're trying to decide who to seduce," he mutters, under his breath.

"Nah, I figured I'd just seduce all of 'em." Len tilts his head, trying to see if any of the group heard them. From their expressions, probably not. "Introduce me?"

Rip pinches his nose, but sighs and accedes.

"Ladies and gentleman, Time Master Captain Jack Tyler," he says with resignation, raising his voice and waving a hand. "A friend of mine."

"I thought you said they wouldn't help you." The assassin is staring at him. He grins at her. She rolls her eyes.

Rip catches the byplay and rolls his eyes too. "He's..."

"He's not they," Len interrupts. "I might sortof work for them, but I don't like the Time Council much. And the feeling's mutual." He shrugs. "Can't be here for everything, but I'll help when I can."

Another in the group—the inventor—opens his mouth to comment or ask a question, but Rip's already herding them toward the ship, and they go willingly enough. Well, Len can't blame them. He still remembers the first time he saw a time ship. (Granted, it'd been memorable, in part due to the abduction and nearly freezing-to-death part of it.)

He waits for the others to proceed onboard—lifting an eyebrow at how the professor has to get help with the unconscious kid-and then follows, smirking as he realizes that he's only a few paces behind the assassin. Sara Lance, he should use her name. He admires the view for a few moments, then catches up to walk beside her.

"Even if you're a broad-minded individual, this is a lot to take in," he drawls. "How are you doing?"

Suspicious blue eyes glance at him. She doesn't stop walking. "Why are you asking me?"

"You seem to be the only person on this boat who doesn't…" He pauses, choosing his words with a little more care than he'd originally planned. "…have powers or a dozen doctorate degrees."

Sara snorts, pausing to watch him. "Actually, I was dead for a year."

He knows that, actually—and it doesn't really contradict his observation. "Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation."

"Yeah, I can tell by the way you're staring at my ass." But there's a faint flash of humor in her eyes as she turns away-and granted, he had been staring at her ass. Len grins as he follows her, enjoying the view, but enjoying the banter even more.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

When they've all filtered onto the bridge area, though, he wanders away, needing to study the others in this so-called team they've created. The inventor is wide eyed, as is the professor. The kid is still unconscious, deposited in a jump seat, and, oh, there's certainly a story there. The hawks are inspecting the ship, too, and Len studies them, intrigued at this chance to see two of the characters in the nearly 4,000-year-old story he's been researching.

"Tyler, hmmm?"

At the amused voice, he turns, finally face to face with one of the few people he hadn't recommended for this team—someone he knows nothing about.

The third woman in the group is probably more striking than the other two, in purely aesthetic terms, a tall redhead with velvety, shrewd brown eyes and a lovely complexion that's a good bit darker than most redheads he's known. She's older, too, probably around his own chronological age, and damn if it doesn't look fine on her.

She's gorgeous, actually, and she exudes confidence, something that's usually an attraction for him. But Len dislikes her on sight, a feeling he doesn't even have a name for running down his spine, distrust and an odd recognition, and he has to force himself to give her a cool smile.

"Alexa Azeri," she says, smiling back at him, something just a touch predatory in that smile. "I'm a…shall we say, I'm an acquisitions expert."

Len nods to her, murmuring something vague. So, this is the criminal element that Rip had mentioned being uncertain of.

"And you?" he asks, looking at the big, scarred man next to Alexa, a man who hasn't uttered a word, the only other person here he knows nothing of. There's a weird pull there, too. Not an attraction—bruisers aren't his type—but a feeling like he should recognize the other man.

"He's just hired muscle," the woman interrupts, putting a hand on Len's arm. "My…bodyguard."

Len can't handle the familiarity. Or the attitude. He pointedly pulls his arm away and continues to focus on the big man.

"And you?" he asks the…bodyguard…again, pointedly.

The guy blinks, then glances at Alexa, whose face is now carefully blank. Then he looks back at Len.

"Mick," he says shortly, his voice a gravelly rumble. "Mick Rory. I…like she said. Bodyguard."

Len accepts it…for now. "Pleased to meet you, Mick," he says, pleasantly, ignoring Alexa's attempt to talk to him again as he turns away.

It's probably a mistake. But he hasn't survived this long as a Time Master by ignoring his instincts. And those instincts are screaming at him to stay the hell away from Alexa Azeri.

Rip's been holding forth, as he tends to do, and introducing most of the team to Gideon. Now, he's explaining how Savage's movements have been hidden in time, and detailing their first destination. Len, listening, nods at the mention of St. Roch.

"I'll meet you there," he cuts in as his friend pauses. "I need to check…stuff. I'll put the ship down near wherever I detect the Waverider."

"You have another ship?" the professor queries, interest in his tone. "Like this one?"

Well, Len can never resist a chance to brag about his ship. Not matter how much Rip laughs at him about it.

"Yes," he says, just a tad proudly as the other Time Master rolls his eyes, then decides to make a small verbal jab. "Well, faster. Smaller. Sleeker. Name's The Falcon."

"Falcon?" The inventor, Ray Palmer, perks up. "You mean like…?"

Len points at him. "Someone on this ship with some culture! Yes, just like." He looks pointedly at Rip. "See. Some people get it."

His friend gives him a weary look. "Are you quite done?"

"For now."

It's not that he doesn't trust Rip. He does, with his very life. But sometimes the man just doesn't…think.

(He conveniently ignores any number of ironies in that thought.)

It doesn't take long for Gabby to pull up information on both Alexa Azeri and Mick (Michael, actually) Rory. Len leans back and drums his fingers on the console, reading.

Aside from the very basics of family and origin, all of it unremarkable, almost all the information about the former involves her line of work. Alexa doesn't seem to have a set base of operations, although she's been associated with jobs in both Central and Star cities. Jewels seem to be her favorite, but technology is a very strong second. Her MO is all over the place, too…classic scams and cons, heists that rely on teamwork and skill, even the odd smash and grab.

One thing there's a steady string of, though, are fall guys, and girls. Oh, she has a rap sheet, an extensive one, and she's done time in fine institutions from juvenile hall right up to Iron Heights. But almost every time, there's someone else involved, someone on whom Alexa has promptly given evidence—in return for other considerations, of course. And at least a few times, her partners have wound up with a bad case of dead as she made off with the loot.

You'd think she'd have a hard time finding partners, after all this, but it seems there's always someone in line to buy her story, and promises of an easy payoff—and the assurance that she sees something in them, for whatever reason.

A user. He knows the type.

Lewis' face rises in his conscious memory for the first time in ages, and Len shakes his head roughly, willing the image away. His father is long since dead, having mouthed off to the wrong boss in Iron Heights after yet another heist gone wrong, and neither Len nor Lisa mourned him when they found out.

Oh, yes, he'll keep an eye on Alexa Azeri. If only because she brings up some bad memories.

Mick Rory is from Central City, and only a few years older than his own chronological age. Len sits forward, reading the file with interest. The few notes on speculated abuse raise the hairs on the backs of his arms—too many reminders of the past, too quickly—but he continues, taking in the tale of arson and juvie and all sorts of potential gone, the descent from petty theft into robbery and murder.

Because what else was there left, in a world that couldn't forgive a scared kid for one horrible, irreversible mistake?

Could have been him. Could have been him, so easily.

And if he's not wrong, reading between all these lines, Rory has a bit of a death wish, so much so that he's not sure how the man has stayed alive all these years.

There doesn't seem to be much connection to Azeri there, but Len's practiced eye notes a few instances where they've been in roughly the same place at the same time. Not long-time partners or anything like that. Perhaps it is as the woman says…he's hired muscle.

He's pretty sure it's not that simple.

Or innocent…at last on Azeri's part.

By the time he does this, follows the Waverider to 1975 St. Roch, and saunters back onto the bigger ship, the newbies have worked through their assorted issues with time-travel effects and are more or less sorted. The kid, Jefferson "call me Jax" Jackson, is awake and not happy with his Firestorm counterpart, and while Len can't really blame him, he knows they needed both halves of the superhero for the greatest effect.

He's not going to say that, though.

There's more friction between Rip and the team, too.

"You're benching us?

"This mission doesn't require your particular skill set."

"Meanin' you don't need anyone killed, maimed or robbed," Rory rumbles, then glances at Alexa as if worried she'll be annoyed he's speaking out of turn.

But the woman is focusing more on Len, now that she's noticed she's back on board, and he's just not sure he has it in him to be charming. He sidles, instead, toward Sara, who looks faintly amused.

"Sure it's a good idea to leave these two unsurprised on a time machine?" questions the inventor, Palmer, just a touch too loudly.

"Hey, haircut. Deafness wasn't one of the side effects," the big man rumbles, but he does it under his breath, and Len snorts in amusement. The other man glances at him, the corner of his mouth quirking up just a little. There's a moment, just a flicker, of connection.

Then Alexa's at Rory's side, whispering something in his ear, and the man's face goes blank again. Len fights back a moment of rage (he doesn't know what's being said, and his imagination might be overly active given what he's read of them), but before he can say anything, Rip's grabbing the sleeve of his jacket and dragging him over to a corner of the bridge, looking harried.

Granted, that's pretty normal for Rip.

"You'll stay?" his friend hisses, eyes pleading in a way that belies the almost aggressive tone of the words. "While we head for the university?"

Len blinks at him. "You mean, will I babysit them? Me? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No, actually, but…" The other man sighs. "You're going to say you told me so."

"I told you so. OK, now it's done with." He narrows his eyes. "What are you regretting already?"

"Ms. Azeri and her compatriot. I…" Rip sighs again as Len smirks at him. "OK, yes, yes, I should have stuck with your recommendations. But none of them with this…skill set…were as easily findable, and…"

Something about that seems off, but Len lets it go. "What about them? It's not like Gideon's going to let her get away with anything."

"I know." Rip eyes him. "Just see if you can find out a little more about them. And not just her. I didn't want the other man—Mr. Rory—on board at all, but she insisted she needed to bring 'muscle' and, frankly, the team could use that too. But I haven't been well pleased with what I've been able to learn."

Len shrugs, although he has every intention of learning more about them too. "Give the guy a break," he tells his friend. "Gotta feeling."

"The arsonist?" Rip blinks at him. "Are you serious?"

Len claps him on the shoulder as they turn back to the others. "Brother, we both entered the Refuge as petty thieves. Arson's the least of what we could have gotten up to if things had been different." He lowers his voice. "I'm more concerned about her."

Rip starts to retort, but then stops as Alexa moves toward them, interest sparking in her eyes at their quiet conversation.

"I'm more than happy to stay behind on this fascinating ship," she purrs, eyeing them both. "Could I, perhaps, get a tour? I'd really like to learn more...about your ship, too..."

Now she's looking right at Len—his brush-off from earlier apparently not having registered. He stares back at her, nonplussed, even as he senses Rip making a rapid escape with the hawks, Professor Stein and Palmer.

He's always erred on the side of charming everyone and letting things sort themselves out later, but apparently bluntness is the order of the day.

"Not interested in what you're selling," he tells her flatly, folding his arms, eyes cold. "You ain't my type."

Startled for just a moment, the redhead raises her eyebrows. Then she glances over at Rory and smiles before glancing back at him.

"Ah," she says knowingly. "You like men."

"Some men," Len agrees. "Some women. Not you. So, stop wasting your time and maybe we can manage a decent working dynamic."

Her eyes widen at his bluntness, a flash of something that might almost be hurt in them before they narrow again.

"Got it," she snaps back. "You don't know what you're missing. And you just might regret it at some point."

Len lets her have her comeback, watching as she turns on her heel and heads off. Then he sighs, leaning back against the wall and watching the kid—Jax—and Rory mess around with the viewscreen. (Although Rory's clearly wondering if he should follow his...whatever...)

"Think you might have irritated her."

He glances to the side, sees that Sara has wandered over to lean against the wall next to him. Her gaze is considering, and he bites back innuendo. Not the time. Unfortunately.

"You saw that, huh?" Len says instead, turning toward her a little. "Yeah, probably. But I don't like it when people treat other people like property," he says shortly, meeting her eyes. "I just…don't."

(The kids at the marketplace were screaming, crying, and he was supposed to just turn and walk back to his ship, leave the timeline as it was meant to be, ignore the cries...)

He ruthlessly pushes the memory of that mission back down again. There's a flash of understanding in Sara's eyes, though, and she merely nods, watching the other woman, who's moved to inspect the captain's console. After a moment, she sighs ruefully, muttering quietly, "I don't like this."

"Hmm?"

The gaze she darts at him has a hint of humor. "Oh, you know. The old trope that when there's more than one woman in a group, they always get all catty with each other and fight instead of backing each other up. I hate that. And she's gorgeous, so I sort of wish I felt differently, but…"

"Ah." Len considers. "Well, she's tripping every alarm bell I have, too. I don't know why." He shrugs it off, and grins at her. "If it makes you feel better, fight the trope. Make friends with bird girl."

Sara snorts, but nods. "I plan to. Although her boyfriend's an ass."

"He kinda is, isn't he?" He can't help but lean toward her, draw to her as much as…more than…he's repulsed by Alexa. "I've been looking into the whole Savage thing and everything else for Rip since…well…and not every incarnation's that bad. It seems to depend on…"

But Sara's eyes are considering again. Maybe a little wary. "So, you know all our backgrounds?"

Len considers prevarication, then goes with honesty. "Yeah. I recommended most of you." He tilts his head and gives her a look through his lashes, attempting to distract her. "Especially you. You're badass."

His admiring tone gets a smirk, quickly concealed. "And you're a flirt," she counters, watching him. "But…most of us?"

"Aaaaand you pay attention," he adds, not missing a beat. "I like that too." He sighs as she levels a glare at him. "I'm not sure where Rip got the idea for Redheaded Trouble over there, but not from me."

"And the 'hired muscle?'"

Something in her tone says she's sensed something off there, too. "I don't know him either." Len makes a quick decision. "But Rip wants me to find out more. And I don't get a good vibe out of whatever she's got on him."

"Hmmmm. And what do you have in mind?" Sara whispers back. But even as she asks the question, though, Len sees a flicker in her eyes, and leans forward, intrigued.

"What are you thinking?" he asks in a low tone.

She tells him. And Len leans back and stares at her.

"I like you," he tells her, utterly seriously. "I mean, I really like you."

Sara's lips twitch again. "I can't imagine Captain Hunter will be very happy about it."

"Well, Rip's not here." He smirks. "And I am. I say we do it. Gideon?"

The AI's tone is low and localized to the corner they're standing in, making Sara startle, just a tiny bit. "Yes, Captain Tyler?"

"Rip's got all his protocols with you locked down tight, right?"

"Of course. But I don't know that this is a good idea. Captain Hunter would probably not approve."

Eavesdropper, he mouths to Sara, then speaks aloud again. "As I said, Rip's not here. I am. We are." He nods to Sara, winking, and starts sauntering into the room, hands behind his back, thoroughly ignoring her, or appearing to.

After a few moments, he hears Sara speak.

"Am I the only one who could really use a drink?" she says, raising her voice just a little and sounding the perfect mix of bored and slightly exasperated.

Len hesitates a bare second, then spins on his heel theatrically and grins at her.

"Ex-cellent idea."

Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive? Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside? Who's gonna save you?

[thesportssoundoff]

UFC At A Glance: October Edition

Joey

September 27th, 2017

Heavyweight

Fights Scheduled: 4

Theme Of The Month: Someone's gotta stand out

Ranked Fighters: 2 (Derrick Lewis and Fabricio Werdum)

Four heavyweight fights booked. Of those eight fighters, four are coming off losses, two are coming off of wins and two are making their debuts. With Stipe Miocic in almost a Mikey Garcia type hold out while he negotiates a new deal, there isn't much movement for the HW division. Making matters more complex, JDS and Josh Barnett are out with PED test failures, Overeem is hurt, Cain is ALWAYS hurt and Francis Ngannou is just kind of in limbo. The next title contender isn't going to come from any of these fights but somebody has to stand out and make a name for himself. The always enigmatic Fabricio Werdum has lost his finishing touch seemingly after finishing Mark Hunt and Cain Velasquez in 2014 and 2015. You can't shame a guy for losses to Overeem and Miocic but the steam on his career turnaround seems pretty much gone. Derrick Lewis has come a long way since being the guy who was finished by Shawn Jordan with wins over Roy Nelson, Travis Browne and Gabriel Gonzaga to name a few. At the end of the day, Lewis' "lose until you win" style fell apart vs Mark Hunt as he was gassed out and then retired only to unretire. It's a good fight on paper but with two wild cards emotionally, there's no telling what we're getting. The rest of the month is just there although I still think Will "The Big Ticket" Harris has some upside (3-2 in his UFC return with 3 TKO finishes). If he wins, it'll be pretty. If he loses? Woof.

The key fight: Derrick Lewis vs Fabricio Werdum  (UFC 216/October 7th)

This is a really important fight, a really interesting stylistic clash and a good example of card depth as it could probably headline a free show. The problem is that who knows what you'll get out of Werdum who has looked so disinterested recently. Derrick Lewis has the capability to finish just about anybody he faces but he's so often listless and I think by his own admission Lewis would admit he's kind of sort of not a guy who really enjoys fighting. It could be great OR it could suck.

Key Debut: Adam Wieczorek (Fight Night: Cerrone vs Till in Poland/October 21st)

Maybe it was  a cosmic sign that Wieczorek went from making his debut in Anaheim in July to making it at home in Poland. He's an under 30 HW who beat the guy who beat Francis Ngannou and has only gone to a decision win; a decision loss in his SECOND fight ever to UFC HW Marcin Tybura.

Light heavyweight

Fights Scheduled: 2

Theme Of The Month: Who Cares?

Ranked Fighters:  1 (Jimi Manuwa)

I mean think of a top 5 in your head. Just sit and really focus on a top 5 for the 205 lb division. Done it? Okay here's mine:

1) Jon Jones- Suspended after his latest bout with his own stupidity/recklessness/carelessness/arrogance.

2) Daniel Cormier- Probably out into 2018?

3) Alexander Gustafsson- Fought in May, MIA as of right now, seems to be balking at a Volkan fight

4) Volkan Oezdemir- Apparently sitting around and waiting for a fight

5) Jimi Manuwa- Maybe fighting in Poland, maybe boxing David Haye off in Carajo Land.

205 lbs is trying to develop some new names and faces but that takes time. In the mean time, who cares really? Until DC is back and until Gus is found and until we know what's up with Jones and until Shogun's knees are cleared up, I mean who can really care? Come on up Weidman and Rockhold, we're waiting on you guys! So we're lost, confused and perplexed at 205 lbs and we've only got two fights in October to keep us busy. One of which may not actually happen depending on Manuwa's schedule.

Key Fight: Devin Clark vs Jan Blachowicz (Fight Night Cerrone vs Till, October 21st)

I mean it speaks to the state of this division where Jan Blachowicz is in a key anything. Blachowicz has lost 4 out of his last 5 fights (!) although he gave Pat Cummins all kinds of problems before he gassed out down the stretch. Ignoring Blachowicz for a second, Devin Clark is a pretty nifty fighter worth keeping an eye on. He's 27 years old and his sole UFC loss came at MW. Since then, he's 2-0 with improvement in both fights at 205 lbs. He's going to be tasked with killing the territory vs Blachowicz in Poland.

Key Debut: Whoever winds up fighting Jimi Manuwa in Poland (Fight Night Cerrone vs Till, October 21st)

I mean....duh? I guess

Middleweight

Fights Scheduled: 6

Theme Of The Month: Creating A Pecking Order

Ranked Fighters: 3 (Derek Brunson, Thales Leites and Thiago Santos)

The middleweight division has long since been the butt of the jokes in the UFC. To deny that would be foolish. Michael Bisping as champion kills its credibility for plenty of people and it's not my job to convince you that such a snarky attitude is the wrong one to have. Instead I'll just state that the division HAS seen a bit of a turnaround recently. More and more we're seeing more younger exciting middleweights emerge and the top of the division seems to be getting its ass back in gear. Robert Whittaker has the chance to be a potential star over time. Kelvin Gastelum hasn't disappointed as the addition to the room. An influx of European fighters gives us some new names and faces to discuss.  Middleweight will never have the quality assurance that a fight from 145 to 170 lbs has but of the bigger weight classes, I think we're seeing some growth here. Things are kind of turning around and October is a pretty good month for middleweights.  The big fight is a headline bout between Lyoto Machida after a PED related layoff and Derek Brunson who got back in the winner's circle after KO-ing a grandad shortly after losing a decision to a granddad. Even though he totally froze vs Anderson Silva, Brunson's come a long way since being labeled a boring wrestling out of Strikeforce. He's finished five of his last six fights plus his only losses in the UFC are to the two guys who fought for the MW title in July plus a legend. He's not a bad fighter and well worthy of going out of your way to see. Beyond that, you have two debuting middleweights on the Poland card who are worth keeping an eye on, two middle of the pack fights at MW including a fucking war and a half with Thiago Santos vs Jack Hermansson. Throw in a quality veteran vs veteran fight in Thales Leites vs Brad Tavares and it ain't half bad at all!

Key Fight: Lyoto Machida vs Derek Brunson

It can't be lost on anybody that the last we saw Machida, he was getting smelted by the likes of Yoel Romero and Luke Rockhold. He remains a fixture in Brazil for the UFC and while he's not the fighter he used to be, I gotta admit there's some fights I'd love to see Machida take at 185 AND 205 lbs. Brunson is an intriguing test because Machida historically has eaten up guys like Brunson before. If he struggles vs Brunson, it'll speak to not just how much better Brunson has gotten but also how far Machida's fallen.

Key Debut: Oskar Piechota

The youth is on the side of Piechota as a 24 year old middleweight. If you've watched some of Piechota (and he has a Cage Warriors fight on FP you can scope), the guy has crazy power in his strikes. The most obvious question is why a great young Polish fighter didn't wind up in KSW but hey, UFC's gain I guess.

Welterweight

Fights Scheduled: 5

Theme For The Month: The Haves Vs the Have Nots

So let's take a quick peek at the top 10 right quick:

1) Stephen Thompson- 34 years old, coming off a loss, fought Tyron Woodley twice. 2) Demian Maia- 39 years old, coming off a loss, fought Tyron Woodley. 3) Robbie Lawler- 35 years old, coming off a win, fought Tyron Woodley 4) Jorge Masvidal- 32 years old, coming off a loss 5) Rafael Dos Anjos- 32 years old, two fight winning streak 6) Donald Cerrone- 34 years old, two fight losing streak 7) Carlos Condit- 33 years old, two fight losing streak, fought Tyron Woodley 8) Colby Convington- 29 years old, four fight winning streak 9) Santiago Ponzinibbio- 31 years old, five fight winning streak 10) Neil Magny- 30 years old, Coming off a loss

So as you can tell, there's a lot of talent but also a lot of dead weight floating around. Woodley at the helm means you've got some hard sells so you need a few fighters who can step up and generate some excitement at 170 lbs. Of the five fights scheduled for this month, it features two intriguing "young vs old" matches in the 170 lb division which could go a long way. At least top 10 wise, Colby Convington vs Demian Maia is the more interesting clash. Covington is a tough dude to figure out; while Mike Perry gets most of the heat for being a prickly personality, Covington's had his share of issues as well. Covington has gotten some social media buzz despite his lackluster fighting style and he's on a run going up against the best BJJ expert in the 170 lb division. Beyond that you have a tremendous fight between Donald Cerrone vs Darren Till which will be a really really great five round that could give us a new UK/Brazillian star if he can beat Cerrone. Give me that fight for sure. Beyond that, there's some mid level regional-y fights but on the Brazilian card is Elizeu Zaleski. The UFC sort of stumbled upon Zaleski on short notice as a replacement vs Nicholas Dalby and since that loss (where most felt he won), Zaleski has gone onto win three in a row with two of those being fight of the night worthy. He faces Max Griffin who flunked out on TUF but was a regional finisher who has gone 1-1 thus far in what should be a fantab fight.

Key Fight: Donald Cerrone vs Darren Till (UFC Fight Night: Till vs Cerrone; October 21st)

I don't really think I need to sell this much. Donald Cerrone has gone up in weight and he's been successful but there's been some cracks in the armor recently. Maybe a very long fight career is beginning to weigh on him or maybe going up in weight is too much for him but Cerrone's looked troubled vs Masvidal, Matt Brown and Robbie Lawler recently. Now even HAVING SAID THAT, he could be 2-1 in those fights. Darren Till has looked fantastic since coming back from injury and his size, length and skills give him a damn good shot at beating Cerrone. At the same time, Donald Cerrone is BY FAR the absolute best fighter Till has ever faced and Till has struggled at times with pacing before.

Key Debut: 0

Lightweight

Fights Scheduled: 7

Theme For The Month: A Down Month For The World's Best Division

Ranked Fighters: 4 (Kevin Lee, Tony Ferguson, Beneil Dariush, Evan Dunham) PS: How is Francisco Trinaldo not ranked?

I've long since made the argument that it's hard to find a bad fight in the lightweight division.  I stand by that although I have to admit, this month might be pushing it a little. The key is that the top of the helm pits one of the best lightweight fights possible; a clash between the over the top great Tony Ferguson taking on grappling savant Kevin Lee for the interim lightweight title. While we'd all prefer Khabib vs Tony Ferg or Gaethje vs Ferguson, you gotta accept what you get and move on. Ferguson vs Lee is literally one of the top 5 fights you could do at 155 lbs; a perfect test of whether Ferguson can face a multi faceted guy who can cancel out his greatest strengths (squirrely wrestling) and for Lee, it's the perfect test of whether or not he can go five rounds vs a freakish athlete who can attack from a multitude of angles. On the same card, you've got an on paper good fight between Beneil Darisuh and Evan Dunham plus busted signing Will Brooks vs Nik Lentz and slumping prospect Lando Vannata.  After that? It's not...it's not what what you'd want even if the fights are fine. Jim Miller vs Francisco Trinaldo should be very entertaining at the very least in Brazil.

Key Fight: Tony Ferguson vs Kevin Lee (UFC 216; October 7th)

I mean it's a fucking great fight over fight rounds and chances are this is the guy who is your long term champ after Nate Diaz and Conor McGregor retire.

Key Debut: 0

Featherweight

Fights Scheduled: 3

Theme For The Month: Slow Month

Ranked Fighters: 0

I would be flabbergasted, stunned and gobsmacked if you told me there were more HW fights this month than featherweight fights but there ya go, reality strikes on ya. For some reason wikipedia has Duquesnoy vs Stamman at FW but every other site has them at bantamweight so I don't need think that's accurate. Beyond that? Well Poland has Artem Lobov vs Andre Fili which should be fun I guess. Josh Emmett vs Felipe Arantes is a weird fight where a 155er is facing a 135er in what should be an interesting-ish fight. Hacran Dias vs Jared Gordon is really interesting I suppose because Gordon is a capable regional FW trying to find his way in the UFC and Dias is on a slump. So yeah, a down month.

Key Fight: Artem Lobov vs Andre Fili (UFC Fight Night; Cerrone vs Till; October 21st)

At this point, we all gotta be tired of Andre Fili's continuous flops and faux pas in the UFC. He's very talented wrestler who is developing as a striker----but I feel like he's totally lost his stride since coming to the UFC. His win vs Hacran Dias seems like he's going to get his shit together but Chris Kattar put a poo poo to that. Lobov is one of those guys custom made for Fili but I'd be petrified to bet money on him.

Key Debut: Josh Emmett (UFC Fight Night: Cerrone vs Till; October 21st)

I mean he's going into the weight class! THAT is a debut!

Bantamweight

Fights Scheduled: 5

Theme For The Month: LET'S GO BOYZ

Ranked Fighters: 3 (John Lineker, Pedro Munhoz and Rob Font)

Of ALL the weight classes, THIS is the one to be really excited about this month. There's but five fights but each fight is really, really intriguing in its own way. We can start at UFC 216 where Tom Duquesnoy, one of the best prospects in MMA today, returns to try and stake his claim in the division. Duquesnoy draws Cody Stamman, a pretty solid regional fighter who debuted on short notice at 145 lbs but seems to be dropping down to 135 lbs. It's a great test for FireKid as he could be the biggest thing in Europe potentially. Moving to Poland, Damian Stasiak returns to the cage to take on Brian Kelleher in a solid regional fight between two grapple happy dudes with limited athleticism. THEN we go to Brazil and fuck me we've got some god damn good fights. We can start with Augusto Mendes vs Boston Salmon where Mendes has struggled in the transition from superstar prospect to UFC fighter, albeit with some caveats. We're talking about a guy who took on  Cody Garbrandt on short notice and gave problems to Frankie Saenz and Aljamain Sterling for cripes sake. Boston Salmon is one of the top prospects in MMA with one of the best/worst names ever. On the main card, we've got two AMAZING fights worth discussing as John Lineker returns to take on the uplifting story of Marlon "Chito" Vera. Vera's been a freakishly athletic raw prospect and we all know what Lineker brings to the table as a power brawler. I'm all about this. Pedro Munhoz vs Rob Font is a fucking AWESOME fight as both guys are known for exciting wacky fights. Font seems to have recovered mentally from struggling vs John Lineker to finish two fights and rack up some bonus money while Pedro Munhoz is really beginning to hit his stride. Long story short, this is a fucking hot month for BW action.

Key Fight: Tom Duquesnoy vs Cody Stamman (UFC 216; October 7th)

There are more meaningful fights, namely every single fight on the Brazil card. There are more amusing fights, again also on the Brazil card. At some point though the UFC is going to need a new European star to replace McGregor in time. Tom Duquesnoy has that ability; a young good looking striker with high upside and that "Woah!" potential to his name.

Key Debut: Cody Stamman

Again, he's dropping down in weight at least!

Flyweight

Fights Scheduled: 4

Theme Of The Month: Protected History

Ranked Fighters: 3 (John Moraga, Mighty Mouse, Ray Borg)

There's not much quantity here but there IS quality. We can begin with Mighty Mouse and Ray Borg and MM is the best today. Ray Borg's just a guy really but he has some skills to at least give Mighty Mouse a moment's notice. Deiveson Figueiredo vs Jarred Brooks in Brazil is a really great fight on the undercard pitting two unheralded flyweights against one another on the prelims. There's some Ray Borg weight snafu protection as well with Magomed Bibulatov vs John Moraga on the prelims.

Key Fight: Mighty Mouse vs Ray Borg (UFC 216; October 7th)

There's only three WMMA fights this month and neither is particularly relevant (unfortunately!) so there's really no point in discussing those I don't feel.

[housebeleren]

Theros Beyond Death New Commanders

Theros is a world full of flavor, and with lots of flavor come lots of great Legendary Creatures. And boy, Wizards didn’t skimp this time around did they? Several of the Gods from original Theros are still among the best Commanders to this day, and most of the rest are staples in the 99. So it should come as no surprise that this crop of cards is a treasure trove of goodies. I imagine a huge number of these will be heavily played for years to come.

Let’s go.

As usual, I’ll start with the Buy-a-Box promo. Athreos seems pretty solid. He’s super expensive to get out, but the good news is he’s Indestructible, so barring transformation effects & exile, he’s going to stick around long enough to get value. He seems like a really solid option if you’re looking for a W/B aristocrats general, especially if you want to play with good ETB effects. The added bonus here is he can occasionally steal your opponent’s creatures too, which gives him an added dimension over a lot of otherwise similar options. I also suspect a lot of people will misread the “dies or is put into exile” text, with much frustration. 

In Brawl, Athreos is close to busted, as there are so few ways to deal with him and he generates such insane value. You basically have to be fast and go under him or find creative ways to win, because he’s going to build up a massive board state really fast. And there are so few board wipes to clean up. In short, a solid choice for EDH, and a bonkers choice for Brawl.

I mean, who are we kidding? Blue/Green is the best 2-color combination in EDH, and it wins through its ability to make tons of mana and draw tons of cards. And Uro...... ramps and draws cards. Yeah, seems like a good effect to have in the Command Zone. For a more 75% direction, you can focus on the thematic direction of the “Nature’s Wrath”. Which is what I’m going to build, personally. Lots of ramp into big Giants & Elementals for stompy stompy wins. And I like that Uro can lend himself to strategies up & down the spectrum, so he’ll appeal to all types of players. Though it’s highly possible the competitive scene will ruin it by creating some busted version of this deck and putting a target on our backs.

In Brawl, this seems equally busted, because it’s not like there’s anything you can do in Standard with piles of mana in Blue & Green, is there? Not at all.

Kroxa is really cool design. Feels perfect for the colors, but still something a little different and unique. The more competitive community immediately jumped on this as a Worldgorger/Animate Dead build, since he works as a built-in win-con for the combo, but it’s also quite possible to build a solid R/B punisher deck around this. There are also the all-in discard builds, but that seems particularly miserable, and unnecessary, since it’s super easy to get tons of activates off Kroxa himself, with the help of some reanimation effects.

For Brawl, I’d build this as a Red/Black control deck, using Kroxa to strip the opponent’s hand, clearing the board with removal, and eventually winning either with Kroxa as a massive beater, or with some of the strong planeswalkers in the color pair (of which there are several). For what it’s worth, the correct play pattern is basically always to cast Kroxa the first time, let him go to the Command Zone, then cast him from there for 4 before saving him in the graveyard for Escaping. 

Polukranos looks like mostly a Standard powerhouse, at first glance. But the more time I spend with it, the more I’m convinced it would make a pretty solid Commander inclusion as well. If you’re building with Polukranos at the helm, you’ll want plenty of library filter & self-mill effects, as well as plenty of recursion. It’s often fine to just keep reanimating him as a 6/6 removal engine, but the Escape is there as well in case you need. Some ways to add extra counters to him seem good as well, and there are a plethora of those in these colors, particularly Green, go figure. He’d also be good in the 99 of other +1/+1 counters decks, as a good payoff when you need.

Seems good in Brawl.

Klothys seems likely to be way better than people are likely to expect. The closest comparison I can think of is actually Pharika, but with the added potential to ramp you and incidentally hate on more than just Creatures, all for no additional investment than your initial 3 mana. The immediate concept that springs to mind is actually Land Destruction, which is a kinda dick way to go, but probably quite effective. She’s an interesting card, and lends herself to very creative deckbuilding, rather than having an obvious build, and I always appreciate that.

For Brawl, you really can just build this as Red/Green good stuff, and it’ll work. Enough cards will naturally end up in the graveyard to fuel her ability and turn her into a completely viable clock on your opponents.

Purphoros seems nuts in EDH. Mono-Red typically isn’t great (unless you’re going full Artifact mode), so I actually envision Purphoros in the 99 of other Sneak Attack style decks for added redundancy. He’ll be a pretty obvious inclusion in Gruul & Jund sacrifice decks, particularly those that focus reanimating big fatties for massive swings.

In Brawl, there are some good options. Drakuseth comes to mind as a natural pairing with this, and there are definitely some other good targets to cheat out, but it’s unlikely he’ll beat out Torbrand as the mono-Red general of choice, particularly for 1v1, where that card is able to close out games ridiculously fast.

Nylea is likely going to get a lot of flack, compared to the other Gods, where she’s less obviously busted. That said, she strikes me as a pretty viable option for a creature heavy build, along the lines of what you might build for Yeva, Nature’s Herald. The cost reduction is relevant, and could be pretty gross at the helm of Elfball as well. She’s also a reasonable option for a Primal Surge deck, so I actually think there are plenty of possible directions you can go, and people will slowly figure that out.

For Brawl, my guess is Nissa, Who Shakes the World is still the best.

Heliod has already attracted tons of attention for the instant combo with with Walking Ballista, and having one half of a two card combo in your Command Zone is not a bad way to start. Beyond that, as far as mono-White generals go, Heliod has a lot more potential than some. He can grow into a massive threat very quickly, and partners perfectly with a the plethora of life-gain payoffs in the color. He’s also a shoe-in for lifegain Generals like Ayli & Karlov, so he’d work great in the 99 of several decks.

In Brawl, you have several good options to fill up the deck, but it’ll be tough to be a better aggro deck than Red, and White just doesn’t have the staying power for the long game, so I’m expecting most of the other Gods to be better.

Oooh Thassa baby, it’s so good to see you again! I love that they took this to another direction from the original card, but it’s still interesting and fun. My immediate thought here wasn’t actually to make a flicker deck, but to make a stealing deck, since they templated her in the style of Conjurer’s Closet, where the card doesn’t return under its owner’s control, but back under your control. Meaning, if you steal something with something like Willbreaker or Roil Elemental, you get to keep them! This also makes her a great inclusion in the 99 of stealing commanders like Sen Triplets or Rubinia Soulsinger. Or, y’know... put her in a flicker deck.

In Brawl, Thass is pretty great, since there are some amazing things to blink with her. Most notably is Agent of Treachery, and it shouldn’t be hard at all to close out the game after landing that.

Erebos is here to serve, and I am loving this design. In an aristocrats deck, this version is arguably better than OG Erebos, and that’s saying a lot. But the original version will do better in just any ole Black deck. As a Commander, you definitely want to build this around cheap value creatures you can sacrifice for extra value. There’s no shortage of good mono-Black generals, so build around this one if you really love the flavor.

For Brawl, it’s tough to say if Ayara or Erebos is better, but you’ll definitely want both in each other’s deck. 

On to the Rare legends, we start with Atris. I love me some Fact or Fiction, but I need just a little more oomph to be a Legend worth building around. Might be a fun inclusion in a flicker deck, but I doubt anyone’s going to be clamoring to build an Atris deck. Even in Brawl, where there are plenty of better & more interesting Blue/Black generals. (Ashiok & Lazav come to mind immediately.)

There’s no shortage of Red/Blue Artifact-based commanders, so Dalakos has some tough competition. My guess is there are still some stronger options, but Dalakos has a unique angle by caring about Equipment, which is typically more of a White-aligned Artifact direction. So there’s definitely an interesting build here, probably for 75% tables. In more competitive decks, I could see Dalakos seeing play in plenty of Artifact builds.

I’m not sure if there’s enough good Equipment in Standard to make Dalakos worth building around in Brawl, but we’ll see as future sets come out if there’s anything spicy that makes this worth building.

Gallia is loads of fun. She gives support to an underserved tribe, has a card advantage ability that feels very fun & appropriate for the color pair, and is just some fantastic art to boot. It’s unlikely that this will be a particularly competitive deck, but fans of Satyrs and casual aggro will rejoice, and rightfully so. In Brawl, she’s much more impressive from a power standpoint, and will likely be a popular choice from this set.

Haktos is a super creative design, and one of the best top-down flavor wins of the set. (Not to mention fine AF.) In EDH, he’s a very clear Voltron commander, since he is close to unblockable and dodges most spot removal. That said, you can’t reliably equip or enchant him, so cards that buff him up generally will be staples in this deck. I’d look to cards like Bastion Protector and Bloodsworn Steward, which can put him in the key 7+ power range without an issue, and plenty of spot removal to get rid of pesky blockers that happen to fall on the chosen number. And of course, in those colors you’re also probably going to go for some extra combat effects. It’s unlikely to be super competitive, but honestly this deck seems like a ton of fun. 

For Brawl, he’s solid in 1v1, but I don’t love him for multiplayer because there will be more creatures and removal around in the 2-4 CMC range than in EDH, so he may be even easier to deal with. Sometimes he’ll completely run away with the game, but he’s such an obvious target that he’ll just get removed over and over again.

Kunoros has a lot going on for 3 mana, but there’s not much to build around here. It’s basically a hatebear for Graveyard-heavy metas, but in White/Black that’s probably actually more of a liability than a feature, since you lose out on powerhouse cards like Karmic Guide and Sun Titan. I suppose Graveyard to Hand still works, so cards like Ravos are still on the table, but it seems like more trouble than it’s worth. 

Same story for Brawl. In both formats, I see him as a role-player hatebear in the 99 of decks that want to disrupt as it grinds to a win. 

I’m always for a new tribe getting a Legendary creature, though who’s aching to build a harpy deck, I have no idea. It’s also tough because Black is not a particularly strong Enchantment color, so I really don’t know if there’s a deck here. (Watch me get this as a random build one month.) My best use case for Aphemia would be in the 99 of an Enchantment deck like Daxos the Returned or something.

Spiders are also a fun, unique tribe, though you definitely want Black to make the best use of them. Arasta, again, seems like there’s not much of a build here except as an incidental hoser against all-spell decks. Maybe if your meta is all Talrand decks?

Taranika is a cool design, and phenomenal in Limited, but yeah there just isn’t enough here for EDH, even in the 99. Maybe she’ll be an inclusion in the 59 for Brawl? But that’s really as much as I can possibly see here.

Of the mono color Rare Legends, Thryx is the only one with real EDH potential, from what I can see. He has Flash, so you can hold up counterspells, which is exactly what mono-Blue wants to do. And from there, he lets you cast massive spells at a bit of a discount, and has incidental “can’t be countered” text against opposing Blue manges, which is a fair amount of action. I’m considering him for the 99 of my Grixis Vial Smasher deck, since that deck wants to cast all kinds of big dumb spells. 

Seems like there are better mono Blue options for Brawl, however.

On to the Uncommons. There isn’t going to be a lot here for Commander, since these are mostly balanced for Limited play. Eutropia is a bit interesting, and there are some possibilities. She’s in the best EDH colors, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to conceive of a way to generate a ton of mana, use Deadeye Navigator to flicker an Enchantment Creature a bunch of times, then swing for lethal. There are certainly better Green/Blue generals, but honestly that’s a lot of action for an Uncommon. In the 99, I could see her in various Enchantress style builds as a fun flavorful inclusion.

There are no shortage of powerhouse Green/Blue options for Brawl, but Eutropia could be a fun experiment to take in a different direction than you would Uro, Vannifar, or Kiora.

Siona is a super interesting design, as an Aura buildaround. Of course, the hotness here is that she immediately goes infinite with Shielded by Faith, which gives her way more viability than she would otherwise. Throw in a Concordant Crossroads and you have an insta-win, and they’re all super easily tutored pieces in these colors. There’s also potential just as an inclusion in the 99 of decks that run lots of Auras, like Uril or something. 

In Brawl, this could be a really fun aggro deck for 1v1, though I think it’ll be a struggle in multiplayer.

The monocolor Uncommon Legends all basically have no viability as Commanders, so I’ll do these Lightning Round style.

Anax - Could be an inclusion in the 99 of certain OG Purphoros builds or other Red decks that want lots of tokens.

Renata - There are some decks that really care about Counters that I suppose this works in. She’s really cute with Persist, but you’ll need more colors to be able to make use of the really good Persist cards.

Daxos - Daxos is doing his best Soul Sister impression, and it’s really working. I’d slot him into any decks that want that effect, especially since many of them are White/Black with sacrifice outlets as well.

Callaphe - Probably the weakest of the bunch. Maaaayyybe possible in a mono Blue devotion deck? But I’m not suspecting this will see any play.

Tymaret - For the most part a pretty strict upgrade over Withered Wretch, not counting Zombie synergies. The Wretch is a card I run more than a lot of people do, and I see myself running this for similar reasons.

Alirios - The dream here is to flicker him multiple times and get an army of reflections. It’s possible in a heavy flicker deck like Brago or something, but it’s not enough to run him on his own.

And finally, the Planeswalkers for Brawl. Ashiok strikes me as particularly good as a Blue/Black control build. It should be pretty easy to keep the board clear early until you drop Ashiok, then the incremental value will be overwhelming pretty quickly. 

You best believe I built this deck, and it is fire. There are so many good Enchantments legal right now that it’s trivial to put together a pretty solid build. The best part is, a lot of the good removal in White are Enchantments anyway, so you can often use his +1 to find removal, without having to tick him down. This deck has been a ton of fun, and it goes toe-to-toe with a lot of the best decks really well.

While a powerhouse for Standard, Elspeth isn’t quite priced to move for Brawl. There are just other, most powerful options. I’d generally run Heliod instead, and include Elspeth in the 59 if you really want.

Usually the Planeswalker Deck cards are awful, but this Ashiok isn’t half bad. It’s a fun Blue/Black reanimation deck, and I enjoy that. It’s unfortunate you can’t activate her -5 right away, which is the real thing holding this back. Lazav is probably better as a Blue/Black creature build, but I could actually see this. 

And finally, Planeswalker Deck Elspeth. Honestly, I’d rather run this as my mono-White general than Sun’s Nemesis, since there’s a pretty solid Devotion build to be made. Not saying it’s good or anything, but it’s actually probably better than the main-set version, and that’s saying something.

Okay! That’s all the Legends from Theros Beyond Death. There are honestly too many of them, it’s hard to keep up! I’m building Uro for EDH and Calix for Brawl. What about you?

[robininthelabyrinth]

Rare Pair Swap: Kendra/Len fic

Fic: Live Long and Prosper (Ao3 link) Fandom: DC's Legends of Tomorrow Pairing: Kendra Saunders/Leonard Snart; background Mick Rory/Ray Palmer

Summary: Kendra wasn't expecting Leonard Snart to be a sympathetic ear.

Or - and this is more surprising - a fandom nerd.

(she's always had a bit of a thing for nerds...)

A/N: for @terrayoung for @dccwrarepairswap, for the prompt "Kendra/Leonard; they discover they're the only ones on the Waverider that like something and bond over it". I hope you enjoy it!

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“Okay,” Snart says, walking into Kendra’s room with two cups and a thermos. “Let’s talk about it.”

Kendra blinks owlishly at him from where she’s sitting on the bed. “Uh,” she says. “I don’t really feel like drinking…”

Snart snags her one chair with a foot and yanks it forward, sitting down and totally ignoring her. He pours out the contents of the thermos, which are –

“Is that hot chocolate?”

“With mini marshmallows,” he confirms.

Kendra makes grabby-hands, even though she knows it’s childish. Mercifully, Snart doesn’t comment.

He hands her the cup.

“So let’s talk about it,” he says.

“About Aldus?” she asks. “I don’t want to.”

“Trust me, neither do I,” Snart says. “But I figure it’s me or that guy who keeps butting into your personal space, and between the two, I figure you’d be better with a stranger.”

“Carter isn’t…” Kendra’s voice trails off.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Snart replies. “Trust me, my little sis has dated enough assholes – or, more to the point, my sister has broken up with enough assholes - for me to know one when I see one. Why’re you still with ol’ CH?”

“We’re soulmates.”

“Not a good reason. Next?”

“Uh,” Kendra says. “We…apparently had a child together in a past life?”

Snart quirks an eyebrow at her. “That’s just a fancy way of saying soulmates again,” he says. “A concept, FYI, that I don’t believe in.”

“We literally reincarnate and fall in love in every lifetime,” she points out. “That seems like pretty good evidence.”

“No,” Snart says, “it seems like pretty good evidence that you were both hit with the same magic bullet and then consistently bond over the same shitty circumstances. Or are you saying that Savage is also your soulmate?”

Kendra shudders.

Snart smirks triumphantly.

Just to be contrary, Kendra says, “I mean. I guess he could be.”

Snart raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you wanna play, huh? Fine. Unlike you and CH, Savage has a magic sense for tracking the two of you down and he’s apparently been in love with you, continuously, for thousands of years. According to CH, you guys just bump into each other, coincidence-like, unless Savage gets you first, which means out of the three of you, Savage is the most likely to track you down. That seems pretty damn soulmate-like, if you take a certain stalking-like approach to soulmates.”

“Oh god,” Kendra says, making a face. “No. Stalking is not love. I volunteered at a domestic violence clinic. No. All the no.”

“So you’re clearly not soulmates with the other guy you meet every lifetime,” Snart says. “So why are you with CH?”

“His name is Carter,” Kendra points out, eliding the question.

“His last name is Hall,” Snart shoots back, unruffled. “And so CH is appropriate. Why’re you dodging?”

Kendra sighs. “I broke up with a really nice guy to go with Carter because I couldn’t give up on the whole soulmate idea, and now I feel like…I don’t know.”

“You put your eggs in this basket, so now you have to lie in it?”

“I’m entirely sure that isn’t the way that saying goes,” Kendra says. “But yeah.”

“That’s crap,” Snart notes.

“Yeah,” she sighs. “It is. But every time I think about breaking up with him, he keeps going on about how I haven’t remembered my past lives enough yet, and how we’ve gotten together two hundred and eight times before –”

“I know people who break up and get back together more than that in a year,” Snart says dismissively. “Has it occurred to you that he’s done it before?”

“What, Savage?”

“No, CH,” Snart says. “Soulmates is a hell of a convincing argument, and it seems like he gets his memories faster than you do. So maybe in your past lives, he’s done the same show up and sweet-talk shtick.”

“…possible,” Kendra says, then sighs. “But you’re telling me I fell for it every time?”

“Why not?”

Kendra rolls her eyes.

“Even if you are soulmates, it doesn’t give him the right to be a dick,” Snart says. It sounds like it pains him to talk about feelings.

Kendra narrows her eyes at him, belatedly suspicious. “Why are you being nice?”

“Mick made me,” Snart says immediately.

“And why did Mick make you?”

Snart rolls his eyes. “He gets weird ideas.”

“Like what?”

“He thinks we’d get along,” Snart says. “I apparently 'need more friends'.”

Kendra’s eyebrows go up.

“He’s known me since I was fourteen and four foot six,” Snart says. “He gets to do that sort of thing.”

“Heh. I bet you were a shrimp.”

“Says the woman with wings.”

“Wings I don’t know what to do with. Why does Mick think we’d get along?”

Snart sighs, all put-upon.

“Well?”

“You have a Slytherin scarf,” he begrudgingly confesses. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone involved in this superhero stuff that likes Harry Potter and who isn’t named Cisco Ramon?”

Kendra starts laughing. “No, you’re right,” she says, giggling. “Cisco – he’s actually the guy I dated before Carter – he said he initially got interested in me because I had my Enterprise earrings on one day.”

“Star Trek too, huh? Best captain?”

“Picard, but TOS is a better series.”

Snart nods approvingly. “Nice. Though I always had a soft spot for DS9, myself…”

“You’re a nerd,” Kendra says, understanding striking like lightning. “You’re a total nerd.”

"Tell anyone and I'll deny it," Snart says, but he's smiling, just a bit.

Kendra scoots closer. "Tell me what other series you like."

"Well -"

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"That had better be alcoholic," Kendra says darkly, her knees pulled up to her chest.

Snart, who's just come in with another thermos, doesn't bat an eyelash. "Hot cocoa," he says. "But yes, it's Irish."

"I wanted to dump him, not for him to die," Kendra replies bitterly.

"And now you feel like you shouldn't have been ready to dump him."

Kendra sighs.

"Your 'But I love him!' wasn't subtle," Snart says. "Smacked of guilt, actually."

Kendra buries her head in her hands. "What if that was it?" she mutters. "What if he was my soulmate, and there's never going to be another chance to -"

"Actually," Snart drawls, cutting through her escalating self-pity. "That's not something you should worry about."

Kendra looks up at him with a frown.

"First off, that's the refrain of everyone who's been broken up with, ever," Snart says. “You must know that.”

"Yes, but -"

"Second, you’ve got less grounds for it than most."

"I'd think I have more grounds, " Kendra says, unable to keep from being drawn into the debate even though she knows Snart is doing it to distract her from her entirely justified angsty fest of self-pity. "Jointly reincarnating hawk-people is such a small pool of potential matches, you know?"

"Ah, but that's precisely the reason you don't," Snart says triumphantly.

Kendra crosses her arms and arches her eyebrows.

"Said it yourself; he reincarnates. We have a time ship. We can jump along to the next time he's at the age you find most attractive - mid-twenties, early thirties, maybe older if you like 'em that way, whatever - and pick him up then."

Kendra's surprised into a snort of laughter. "That's terrible," she says. "I can't just pick a designer version of him!"

"Why not?"

"I just can't, it would be weird!"

"That sounds like a you problem."

"Oh, man," Kendra says, starting to laugh in earnest. "Just imagine if we stopped everywhere along the timeline and picked up another set of Carter and me. We could be like Attack of the Clones."

"Now that would be weird," Snart says, wrinkling his nose, but there's a grin tugging at his lips.

"That," Kendra says with great dignity, barely suppressing her laughter long enough to do it, "sounds like a you problem."

Snart gives in and smiles. "Imagine that," he says. "If we did that, you could dogpile Savage. One of you is bound to get in a hit. Eventually."

"Now I'm stuck wondering why the rest of you are here," Kendra says. "I'm clearly the MVP of this team. Magic Savage-killing fingers and all."

"I'm not sure if you've noticed," Snart says dryly, "but Rip Hunter isn't the most competent of planners. More of a Han Solo than a Leia Organa."

"Nah," Kendra says. "Not even. At least Han Solo had luck."

"Maybe even the Force," Snart agrees.

"Oh, you've seen that theory, too?" she asks, beaming when he nods. "What do you think? Han Solo, accidental Force user - yes or no?"

"I'm of two minds. On one hand, it'd explain away the lazy filmmaking and add a lot more context - you know the EU at all?"

"Certainly."

"On the other hand, that inadvertently implies that virtually everyone useful in that universe has to have the Force to be competent -"

"Well, if you take the Force the way it's described in the original trilogy -"

-------------------------------------------------------

Ray Palmer was flirting.

So was Jax, but Kendra's not going to lie - even if he was the only one trying his hand, Jax is way too young for her. She does, as Snart joked, like them older. Even Carter had been at least thirty four. Well, he'd said he was, though she suspected he was maybe a little older.

Not that it would've been a big problem for her if he was. It was just another example of him deciding for her that she'd have a problem with it, and acting in line with what he thought she wanted rather than what she actually wanted.

But she's not thinking of Carter now.

No, she's thinking of Ray.

Sweet, charming, nerdy Ray, who is totally her type. Sure, he's in his early forties - like Snart, a traitorous voice inside her head whispers - but she likes them around that age, when they'd either gotten over the worst of their personality traits or let them sink in.

Either way, they were a lot more 'take me as I am', which Kendra appreciates.

So she flirts back with Ray, just enough to see Jax withdraw from the field and give a small sigh of relief. She didn't want to have to talk to him directly about it; she wasn't a fan of confrontation.

Of course, she's on a mission to kill a super-stalker psychopath that only she can kill, so clearly Kendra is going to have to get over her distaste for confrontation any time now.

She brings that up in one of her late-night cocoa talks with Snart and they end up discussing the psychology of the reluctant heroes for three hours.

(As a real life supervillain, Snart has an interesting perspective on the subject, to say the least.)

Still, Ray’s nice. Nerdy, the way she likes it.

She kisses him once or twice after a mission.

When they're stranded together in the 1950s, Sara gives up on rescue almost immediately. Kendra inspects the area instead, because while she might doubt the crew, she knows that Snart would never leave her stranded.

Or Hunter, because he needs her to kill Savage.

Which is what she should have thought of first, damnit.

This crush is getting entirely out of hand.

"I found marks on the ground," she reports to a bickering Ray and Sara. Ray was objecting to Sara's means of getting them a car (illegally) which Kendra thought was a bit naïve of him. Cute, but naïve.

"So?" Sara asks.

"Two sets of marks," Kendra clarifies. "I think Kronos attacked again."

“So maybe the reason they ditched us here is because they’re dead,” Sara says. “Great.”

“You give up way too easy,” Kendra tells her.

Sara crosses her arms. It’s more of a teenager’s pout than a mature woman’s reaction, but whatever, Kendra’s not going to comment.

“At least this gets us time for you to teach me how to kill Savage,” Kendra points out. “And we have a basic idea of where he was, so we could try to track him down again and finish the mission without the rest of the Waverider –” Rip, mostly. “- interfering.”

Sara’s intrigued. Not much, unfortunately; she's prone to hopelessness and dramatic gestures, which tend not to work well with practical planning.

Ray, annoyingly enough, is slightly disappointed by Kendra’s suggestion that they all find a house together to wait for help. He spends most of his time working on a device to summon the Waverider, yes, but he also wants to play house with Kendra. He doesn’t seem to realize how awkward doing that makes things for Sara.

“Baby,” Kendra says. “You can’t get me lilies. Sara hates lilies.”

“I thought you’d like them…?”

“Ray. Sara lives in our house. I know you were trying to do something nice for me, but you have to think about the fact that we have three people in the house.”

Sara was currently masquerading as Ray’s unmarried younger sister for propriety purposes.

“I kind of wish we were a decade or so forward,” Ray says wistfully. “We could catch the first screening of Star Wars.”

Kendra thinks about how they’re eight years away from the first showing of Star Trek, six from the first Man From Uncle, and winces. “Agreed,” she says. “Who’s your favorite character?”

He grins at her, clearly trying for a bit of a swagger. “I was always a Han Solo guy, myself.”

Kendra can’t help but smile. “What’s your view on whether he has the Force?”

Ray blinks, losing the swagger. “Why would he have the Force?”

“Because he’s so lucky.”

“The movie doesn’t say he has the Force.”

“Yes,” Kendra says patiently. It’s not like she didn’t know he wasn’t familiar with the Star Wars Extended Universe. “But do you think he could have it without knowing about it?”

Ray shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “The movie doesn’t say he has it. Luke has it. And Leia.”

"Yes, but imagine -"

"I don't know," Ray says skeptically. "Over-analyzing movies seems to ruin the magic, don't you think?"

Kendra sighs. "I like discussing alternative possibilities," she says gently.

"We can do that," Ray chirps. "Say, do you think those monster movies - Attack of the Killer Tomato and stuff - are out yet?"

"Not quite what I meant, Ray..."

She eventually managed to get some discussion out of him, but by and large Ray prided himself more on knowing every detail of a movie - the lines, the scenes, all of that - than in discussing it further.

He also gets a job teaching in university, while Kendra is obligated to pick between garden nursery supervisor, librarian, and kindergarten teacher. And even those positions weren't exactly that easy to find, even with fudged records - being a black woman in the 1950s when you’re accustomed to the post-third-wave feminism and nuanced racial understanding (however flawed) of the 2010s is the worst.

Maybe she could get a job copy-editing in NASA and get a famous actress to play her in Hidden Figures; that’s getting started around this time, right? Ray would like working in NASA. Even Sara would think it was cool.

"Maybe I should leave," Sara says a few days later.

"You leave and by God I will hunt you down," Kendra says through gritted teeth.

Sara pauses. "You don’t want to be left in happy coupledom with Ray?"

"It's the 1950s," Kendra says flatly. "I'm a woman, and I'm black. Ray has a group of friends - I use the term lightly - that pat him on the back for being so progressive for marrying me, because I'm apparently, quote, 'really hot for a colored woman', end quote, and he feels like he now understands racism because someone said something mean to him about us being 'married' once. Once."

"...ouch."

"At least he likes movies," Kendra says with a sigh. "Replays of Universal Pictures’ monster movie series are my rock in these hard times."

"Have you talked to Ray about this?"

"A few times," Kendra says. "Not as much as I should; I'm not really great with confrontation, y’know? I made it very clear that we're not actually married, though. I'm pretty sure we're not even dating anymore."

"That seems like something you should be clear on," Sara says.

"I wish Snart were here," Kendra says unthinkingly - she's thought it so many times, it's almost not shocking to say, and she doesn't realize she's said it aloud until Sara blinks at her.

"Snart?" Sara asks, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh. Why him?"

Kendra's mind jumps straight to the way his eyes light up, soft and fond and passionate, when they're talking about the shows and movies they like. How he never raises his voice, no matter how intensely they argue, and how she learned more about self-control from him than a hundred of Sara's lessons in fighting. She thinks of his smile, hard to win but worth it, the stories he shares about Mick that make the gruff arsonist come off as practically cuddly, the fluid way he moves his hands, his cleverness, his face -

"Uh," Kendra says. "Well, he's a thief. We'd probably be living in a New York City penthouse or an island in the Caribbean by now."

Sara cracks a grin. "Oh, man. Unleashing Leonard Snart on the '50s would just be mean. To the timeline."

"But oh so much fun for us."

"We could be Hollywood starlets even now, with our deep pocketed producer forcing directors to cast us."

Kendra starts laughing, just imagining what films Leonard would force people to cast and direct.

Sara's not sure why Kendra finds it so funny, and Kendra can't really explain.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite their conversation, though, Sara does pack up and leave. She doesn’t give them a destination.

Ray is sad for her to leave, but Sara's not gone two days before he proposes they start having a weekly date night.

"As friends," Kendra says firmly.

Ray pouts. "Is this because you're waiting for Carter?" he asks.

"No," Kendra says. "It's because we're friends. And I've never lost faith in our other friends coming and picking us up, okay?"

"What does that have to do with whether or not we have a relationship?" Ray asks, honestly puzzled. "Is there something I can do -"

"Ray," Kendra says, putting her hands on his shoulders. "We're two cords with only partially compatible plugs. You deserve a wholly compatible plug."

"That makes absolutely no sense mechanically," Ray says. "But - I think I understand."

He's brave and tragic about it for a few weeks - apparently there is something worse than being Ray's 'hot colored wife', and it's being Ray's 'hot colored bitch of a wife that dumped him' - but true to form, he gets over it and they can finally start being friends.

"You propose actual marriage to me and I kill you," Kendra says sweetly.

"Maybe I just like looking at rings," Ray replies, grinning.

"Kill. You."

"Speaking of which, you haven't, uh, stretched your wings recently. Want to go to the Grand Canyon? We've saved up some."

"Hell yes," Kendra says. Removing the romantic filter Ray had been using - where everything was happy and wonderful and nourished by their mutual romantic joy, and nothing could ever be bad - was apparently necessary for him to start noticing things about other people. Like depression and misery.

Kendra's wings had definitely not been getting enough use.

"We should have a Halloween party," Kendra says. “I’ll go as Chay-ara, the Hawk Goddess. I'll get a cheap knock-off Cleopatra dress for it.”

"We totally should," Ray replies. “Can I be a mummy?”

Friends with Ray Palmer.

Who'd have thought.

Still, when the Waverider shows up, Kendra leaps in. "Jeans!" she crows. "Well-fitting jeans that don't cost a million bucks! A washing machine that actually works! Proper coffee! Ray, the Internet is back!"

"Movies," Ray says blissfully. "All the glorious movies."

"Where's Snart?" Kendra asks. "I've got, like, a ton of original edition Masters of Science Fiction books signed that I want to show him. Asimov, Bester, the works."

Rip looks awkward.

That's when she finds out Snart was kidnapped by Kronos.

But, luckily, their two years in the 50s had only been twelve hours for the rest of them, so there was still hope of rescuing him.

Or, as Kendra learns in Nanda Parbat, of him rescuing himself and them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why'd you try to set us up in the first place?" Kendra asks Mick, sitting in the cell.

"What?"

"Snart said you'd forced him to come talk to me because you said we'd get along."

Mick stares at her. "Not exactly the question I thought you'd go with, birdie."

"Well, I figure everyone else has covered the 'what happened, why did you, why not stop' parts," Kendra says. "Also I lived with Ray Palmer for two years because of you. I figure trying a page from his book of the cheerfully, charmingly self-obsessed wouldn't hurt."

Mick snorts despite himself.

"So," Kendra says. "Snart, me. What was your goal?"

"You dating Palmer now?" Mick asks instead.

"I would kill him if he tried," Kendra says. "We're just friends."

"You use the phrase 'kill' a lot more freely now," Mick observes.

"You know what's good for murderous rage?" Kendra says. "Living in the 1950s and not being able to advocate for change too quickly, that’s what. Do you know how excited I was when Mary Tyler Moore started to make pants a thing? It was sad."

Mick is having some trouble keeping his face straight.

"You couldn't have even ditched us somewhere good," Kendra continues dramatically. "Mick. Mick. I didn't even have Star Trek. It was still six years away when I left. It wasn't even a twinkle in Gene Roddenberry's eye."

Mick is having a lot of trouble keeping his face straight. It’s not very Kronos-like at all.

Len was totally right about Mick having a great sense of humor.

“I didn’t even have Man from UNCLE,” Kendra says, throwing her hands up and pretending to swoon. “And I even missed all the good 50s movies! We got there too late for Singing in the Rain or Forbidden Planet or even The Day the Earth Stood Still. You know what I had? I had Ben-Hur. Ben-Hur.”

“Pretty sure North by Northwest came out around that time,” Mick says diplomatically.

“Ray and I literally threw a party when Some Like it Hot came out,” Kendra says flatly. “An actual honest-to-god party. We had canapés.”

Mick has to put his hand on his mouth.

“Ray wore a dress,” she adds. “My dress, actually. I was angry for days; he stretched it all out.”

Mick finally cracks and starts laughing.

Kendra smirks.

“That’s why,” he says, wiping his eyes.

“That’s why, what?”

“You and Snart. You’re both drama queens,” Mick says. “Figured you’d get along.”

“I mean, we do,” Kendra says. “We’re friends.”

Mick sighs. “Maybe it’s the time I spent travelling through time for the Time Masters,” he says, “but I just don’t have the patience for this. Do you, or do you not, want to bang Snart like a porch door in a hurricane? Possibly while discussing dumbass sci-fi television shows?”

“They’re not dumb,” Kendra protests immediately, then flushes bright red.

“Knew it,” Mick crows. “He does too. Go forth and get it on.”

“You don’t even like us right now!” Kendra yelps. “Stop trying to hook us up!”

“At this point, I’ll take the win.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Tell me,” Kendra says, curled up in Len’s arms. He preferred Len to Snart in private, apparently. “Do you two always solve your problems by beating each other up?”

“Mostly,” Len says, shifting a little so she won’t rest on his bruises. “It’s a bad habit that I think we’re starting to get too old for.”

“You think?”

“Hey, it’s worked for us so far.”

“Do you also regularly try to set each other up on dates while attempting to murder each other?”

“Mick said he didn’t kill me for two reasons,” Len says. “One, he’s confused and angry and doesn’t know what to do now that the Time Masters don’t have their boot at his throat, with whatever the hell they did to his mind.” She can hear the anger in Len’s voice, and only part of it is still aimed at himself. “Two, he said killing me before we got together would defeat the whole point of doing it.”

“He has a point,” Kendra agrees. “I like you alive.”

“Did you really give him photos of Palmer in a dress?”

“Yeah, we had a Canonflex SLR. Top of the line for the 1950s.”

“He’s still sniggering about it,” Len says. He sounds slightly bemused by it all.

“Good,” Kendra says. Mick and Ray were getting along surprisingly well; Len had been sneakily drawing on all of her parent-trap fic tropes to try to encourage it for the last week straight. “Now, please, for the love of god, let’s talk about something fandom that isn’t from the 1950s.”

Len grins – an actual grin, crooked and teeth showing, not his usual smirk. “Well,” he drawls. “If you ask so nicely…”

---------------------------------------------------------

“I keep getting flashbacks to my past lives with Carter,” Kendra tells Len, because open disclosure is important in a relationship.

Or so Len says, anyway.

(Honestly, at this point, Kendra would feel bad not disclosing important details after Len’s excruciatingly painful list of ��why you shouldn’t date me I’m an awful person with a terrible backstory”.)

Len blinks. “Okay,” he says. “It come with an emotional contingent that makes you want to get back together with him?”

“Yes,” Kendra says. “And it’s annoying, because I remember how much of an ass he was to me. But little Miss Me from the 1940s thought that was him being dashing.”

“Ah, feminism.”

“Past me had such low standards,” Kendra grouses. “So. Many. Times. You were right, by and by, about him always getting his memories back first. Did I tell you about the time he bought me?”

“He what?”

“Pre American Civil War, if you get my gist.”

Len makes a horrified face.

“Yeah, the whole ‘master frees you and marries you’ thing is even less romantic when you’re living it. I’m pretty sure the whole community thought Savage killing us was justified.”

“Awkward.”

“No kidding. Anyway. Just an FYI.”

“I’ll be sure not to hold it against you if you start shouting his name in bed,” Len says solemnly. “Say, which name will it be? Carter? Joe? Khufu? Bob? I’d like to think he was a Bob, once. Maybe a Dick.”

Kendra starts giggling. “Maybe I’ll switch it up each time.”

“It’ll be like an episode of Sliders gone horribly wrong.”

“Maybe I’ll do them all at once, to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

“Syndey-Carter-Freddy-Lester-Eddie-Ali-Douglas?”

“Oh. My. God. That scans, you bastard.”

---------------------------------------------------------

“What do I do now?” Kendra asks. “There’s a Carter clone. Except his name is Scythian Torvil – I assume he got beaten up a lot as a child this time around? – and he presumably has a whole bunch of memories I don’t. I feel like I owe him some obligation to break the brainwashing, you know? But at the same time, he’ll probably assume that I want to get back together…”

“Why are you asking me?” Sara says helplessly.

“Because everyone else is useless,” Kendra says. “Obviously.”

Sara crosses her arms. “Useless, how?”

Kendra raises a finger. “Ray thinks I should get back together with Carter because it would be a narratively satisfying arc.”

“Uh, it would not,” Sara says. “It’s only narratively satisfying if you put yourself in the guy’s shoes, c’mon already.”

“He’s trying, Sara. I saw him reading a book on privilege yesterday.”

“Only because Mick told him he had to.”

“Well, yes,” Kendra says. “Ray is ridiculous when he’s trying to win someone’s attention and interest and Mick is taking full advantage of that to educate him. I don’t see the problem. I should’ve done that.”

“Give yourself a break,” Sara says. “It was the 1950s. There weren’t any books on cis straight white male privilege yet.”

“I know, I know, but still. As I was saying,” she lifts a second finger, “Rip doesn’t actually give a damn about any of my issues except insofar as we stop Savage. Now that Savage is in the brig with evidence that he manipulated time, he’s super excited about bringing him into the Time Masters and getting both his family and his old job back. Question about Carter are just annoying to him.”

Sara nods.

Third finger. “Jax just starts running the other direction every time I show up, saying he’s not ready for this.”

Sara snorts. “Maybe I should do that.”

“You can’t; I’ve locked the door.”

“I like this new, assertive Kendra,” Sara says. “Very sexy.”

“Shush. I tried to ask Stein, but…well. He married his first serious girlfriend out of college and they’ve been disgustingly happily married science nerds for half of forever. He has literally no idea what you do with conflict. Or people that you don’t want to date that want to date you. He tried to compare it to that one time an undergrad developed an awkward crush on him.”

Sara laughs. “I assume you started running away at that point?”

“Got it in one.”

“Well, why don’t you ask Snart or Rory?” Sara asks. “I can see why you wouldn’t want to ask Snart, but Rory…?”

“I asked Mick,” Kendra says with a sigh.

“And?”

“He’s in favor of killing Savage now and letting Scythian go back to his timeline.”

“I mean…”

“Yes, I know it makes sense! I just feel bad about it!”

“What about Snart? He threatened by it?”

“He suggested a threesome,” Kendra sighs. “So I could see what I really wanted.”

Sara’s eyebrows go up. “Snart offered you a threesome with two hot guys and you said no? Is that threesome offer open for girls, too? Snart’s a dick, but he’s pretty…”

“I don’t want to sleep with Carter! Or Scythian! Or whatever!”

“Then don’t,” Sara says logically. “You can rescue the guy because he’s your ex and you don’t want him to be horribly brainwashed without wanting to get back together. If Snart’s not threatened, you shouldn’t be.”

“I guess.”

“But, seriously, let’s kill Savage.”

“Rip won’t let us,” Kendra says glumly. “See: getting his old job back. Consider us ditched the second that happens, by the way.”

“No kidding,” Sara says, also sighing. “Well, it was fun while it lasted. Are you happy now? Can we stop talking feelings and get back to hitting each other with sticks in a nice, emotionally stoic womanly fashion?”

“Yes,” Kendra says, getting up to unlock the door. “That sounds nice.”

“Also, seriously, regarding that threesome…”

“Sara.”

“What? He’s hot, you’re hot, and I’m bi!”

“You’re insatiable, that’s what you are.”

"Don't forget indiscriminate," Sara says with a grin. "Insatiable, indiscriminate - I need another 'i' word."

"Irritating?"

"Oh, you're going down, Miss Feather-butt -"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Kendra decks Carter – sorry, Scythian – in the face when he suggests getting back together after Savage is finally dead. Then she knees him in the balls. Then she –

Mick grabs her around the waist and walks away while she’s still wiggling frantically in an attempt to go hit Scythian some more. “Calm down, birdie,” he says.

“Let me go, Mick!”

“It’s not his fault Snart did what he did,” Mick says gruffly. “You don’t have to take it out on him.”

“If I hadn’t been so stupid as to let him live –” That part was shouted over Mick’s shoulder at a still-moaning Scythian. “– then we wouldn’t have been there in the first place!”

“Yes,” Mick says quietly. “We would have.”

Kendra stops struggling. “Mick…”

“The Time Masters had a plan for Savage,” he says. His voice is still too quiet. “Trust me when I say they wouldn’t have stopped once we’d succeeded. They would have kept going – and going, and going – until they got us all under their thumbs. And we wouldn’t have been prepared for it, neither; Snart wouldn’t have gotten him and Sara to a hiding place because he’s a paranoid fuck, and then we’d all be in their cages and in their chairs and back under their boot-heels.”

“Mick,” Kendra says. “You know – you know it’s not your fault, right?”

Mick shrugs. “I’m the one he swapped out for,” he says bitterly.

“Because you wouldn’t let Ray die,” Kendra says. “Snart understood. You know he did.”

“I know,” Mick says. “That’s why he asked me to forgive him, before he knocked me out.” He swallows, shakes his head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“He was your best friend,” Kendra says. “You were friends for thirty years. You don’t have to be sleeping together to feel bad about him being gone.” Her back straightens, even though Mick has yet to put her down. Damn, that man is strong. Kendra isn’t that light. “If Ray is giving you any shit about mourning –”

“No, no,” Mick says, cracking a smile. It’s kind of a pathetic smile, but it’s a smile. “He’s being okay. He tried to suggest being partners right afterwards –”

“He what.”

“I told him off,” Mick assures her. “He figured out the problem with what he said pretty quick. He’s being better now.”

“I’m still going to punch him,” Kendra says.

“We let you murder one guy and suddenly you’re all violent,” Mick teases, putting her down. “What would –” His voice cuts off.

He’d meant to joke ‘what would Snart think of you now’, probably followed by ‘he’d think it was really hot, actually, he likes violence’.

They couldn’t make that joke anymore.

Kendra’s eyes fill with tears.

“Don’t turn on the waterworks,” Mick warns. “I don’t –”

She launches herself at him, wings unfolding to give her extra leverage, and wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder, and bursts into tears.

“– do the touchy-feeling stuff,” Mick concludes. After minute, though, he gives in with a sigh, wrapping his arms around him and permitting her to wrap her wings around him in return.

Kendra lets him pretend that the wetness on her shoulder isn’t his fault. It’s the least she can do after snotting all over his sleeve. She's an ugly crier.

Oh, Len.

She misses him so much.

Mick tells her stories about him – he was black and Jewish and proud of it, she’d known that, but she hadn’t heard about the holidays that went wrong; Len had never had a chance to tell her about them himself – but it’s not the same.

She misses him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

“Uh, Kendra?”

“Mick!” Kendra exclaims, bouncing over to her door and embracing him. “What brings you by to my humble apartment? Not here to deal with a local aberration, I hope?”

She’d refused to continue on with the Waverider’s mission, afterwards, while Mick agreed to keep going. Neither of them had held it against each other.

He’d introduced her to Lisa, though, which had been nice. They were friends now.

“Depends on how you define it,” he replies, picking her up for a quick hug. He looks better than he did when he left – standing strong and tall and looking healthy. “Local, yes; aberration, also yes; not so much with the ‘dealing with’.”

“What do you mean?”

Mick coughs. “So, the resurrection thing,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“You know how Carter always got his memories first?”

Kendra nods, wondering why it was relevant. Scythian had caught a ride back to their era, insisting on being near Kendra; she’d gotten a restraining order and knocked out one of his teeth before he’d finally gotten the hint that she didn’t want him around. Lisa had threatened to gild his balls.

“Seems like that’s because you wanted him to.”

Kendra frowns. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the one who had the power of reincarnation,” Mick exclaims. “Not him. But as long as you loved him, he reincarnated for you.”

Kendra frowns. That would explain why he was always so irritatingly devoted to finding her, in every life. “Okay,” she says. “I think I’m following you.”

“Basically, you each got a power,” Mick says. “You got reincarnation, he got the hawk-powers, and you shared ‘em because you were in love. Savage got immortality as long as he stole your life force each time.”

“Right,” she says. “So, what? You’re telling me I’ll lose the hawk-powers because I'm not dating Carter-Scythian?”

“Next time you reincarnate, yeah, probably.”

“Okay,” Kendra says. Not ideal – she’d kind of gotten used to them – but fine. “I guess I can live with that.”

“Your power of reincarnating still applies, though.”

Kendra blinks. “Okay. Not sure I'm getting your point. Did you meet a future version of me?”

“No,” Mick says. “We met a future version of your boyfriend, though.”

“You mean Carter-Scythian?”

Mick grins, a real, big, broad grin. “Carter Hall wasn’t the guy you were dating.”

“No,” Kendra agrees, a little mystified. “I was dating Len –”

She cuts off.

No.

No, it couldn’t –

There’s a cough at the door.

She turns to look at him.

“Surprise?” Len says.

Kendra shrieks and pitches herself forward to grab him.

“We figured you wouldn’t want to wait until your next life to meet him,” Mick laughs behind her back. “Guess we figured right, huh?”

Kendra’s too busy kissing Len to respond properly.

He’s back.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We’ve really got to do something about meeting like this,” Mick tells her. It’s the year 2455, the middle of the 25th century.

“Heatstroke,” Kendra says. “Heatstroke is a bad thing. Do not take it as your moniker.”

“It works for me,” Mick says smugly.

“I can’t believe the two of you are now time-travelling policemen,” Kendra grouses. “Willingly!”

“Says the woman who got reborn as a Thangarian.”

“At least I’m not going by the name Commander Cold.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one dating him.”

“Uuuuuuugh, why do I bring all of you with me every time I reincarnate, again?”

“Beats me,” Len says, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Maybe that one time we tried out the swinging thing did the job? Either way, glad that you do. Isn’t Heatstroke a great name?”

“I hate it,” Kendra declares. “I see why Mick picked it.”

Len sniggers. “We’re still looking for Ray’s reincarnation,” he says. “We’re pretty sure he’s a Kryptonian in this life.”

“You’re joking. Ray reincarnated as Superman?”

“Possibly Superboy,” Mick allows. “But definitely a guy wearing an S.”

He’s grinning in anticipation.

Probably at the potential applications of heat-eyes.

Kendra starts laughing.

This life’s gonna be a good one, she can just tell.