#left me emo and crying for a year and then I rewatched

[slytherinshua]

move to heaven sucks 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞

[chucktaylorupset]

I posted 13,489 times in 2022

That's 6,857 more posts than 2021!

317 posts created (2%)

13,172 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@menaceanon

@dabidagoose

@professorsparklepants

@mandaloriandy

@forpiratereasons

I tagged 11,889 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#uncaptioned - 3,757 posts

#art - 2,295 posts

#ofmd - 2,140 posts

#acofaf - 746 posts

#video - 462 posts

#my post - 391 posts

#interview with the vampire - 368 posts

#gideon the ninth - 326 posts

#captioned - 216 posts

#dnd - 180 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like. i'm sure izzy is the only person who'd be happy if ed and stede were murderhusbands.  you might want to try a hannibal rewatch instead

My Top Posts in 2022:

(all of my top original posts are text posts, some of them quite lengthy. i have edited them down to the first few lines and if you want to read the rest... well the link's right there)

#5

its been a million years.  percy has gone from young millenial to squarely gen z.  i think that while he’s up on that mountain demanding the gods pay their fucking child support, he should tell hera at the top of his sixteen year old pipsqueak lungs that polyamory is a thing now and she doesn’t have to define her marriage the traditional way if she doesn’t want to.  she’s the goddess of all marriages!  that includes these modern ones too!! ...

505 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#4

I think there's something to be said for fanfiction that loves canon in a way that’s rude. Like thank you for this wonderful thematic tragedy made out of this character’s entire arc ending in death, it was emotionally and intellectually moving, but also fuck you fuck you fuck you they live, this time and every time they live, they never died, their flaws are not their undoing, actually they have no flaws, actually they save everyone, actually who cares about a story, any story, where this one dies, actually i cared about that story so much i made a new one, actually i cared so much i unmade the old one, you gave me morals and i left them for the mortal, but they’re mine now and i will never let them die, actually thank you, actually fuck you, strongly worded letter to follow

A kiss for canon and spit in its face all at once, it’s great

1,411 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#3

It is actually extremely important to me that y'all understand the importance of the talent show subplot to the structure of ofmd being not just a gay romcom but a story fiercely thematically opposed to toxic masculinity and amatonormativity; how Ed the Emo crying into his blanket fort and silk gown writing sad boy poetry music is the most emotionally healthy he's ever been and a hairsbreadth away from sustained happiness...

3,121 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

#2

goddddd it’s fine!! its fine!!! its okay if if 12 year old girls decide they’re asexual and look back and realize that actually it was just puberty and the gross sexualization of women that alienated them from their feelings of attraction and actually now she feels she was always allo. That’s allowed! That’s okay! Its not the end of the world if some of the people coming home to the label of asexuality are actually arriving at a way station onto what will be a better place for them...

3,387 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You can’t just call the “don’t stop me now” essay writing method the second worst essay method you’ve heard of and not tell us the story of the worst one 👀

i know a guy whose patented essay writing method is to, on the eve of the due date, set an alarm so early it should count as an atrocity, open an empty word doc on his computer and then placing it on his bed,

he then goes to sleep, presumably after drinking a full can of coke, as his immunity to caffeine, adderall, and the general life choices about to be described prove that (1) this man almost certainly is a colossal case of adhd and (2) that is the least of what's wrong with him...

23,319 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[floorune]

4 and 14? for the fma asks

ANON I'M SO FRICKN SORRY I LEFT THIS IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG, i hope you'll still appreciate the answer even tho it's been like..a month.... pls 4give me 💔

4. Edward or Alphonse? Why?

ALPHONSE!!!! 100%!!! he's in my top 3 fave characters right there with Greed and Mei :3 i like how he's considered the less aggressive sibling, but that doesn't mean he's weaker!! and the narrative doesn't paint him weaker just because he's kind and caring. despite his "softer" personality, it's mentioned several times that he's a skilled fighter too!

i just like that his kindness isn't seen as weakness - you can be strong while also being a kind, gentle, and caring person!!!

14. Which character death affected you the most and why?

(under the cut bc i don’t want the post getting too long and also bc i’m sappy but we all knew that...)

OH BOY.. OOKAY. when I first watched BH back in 2014 (so every death was new to me lol) I think Fu affected me the most? probably bc of Lan Fan's reaction more than anything 🥺 I loooove that shot of her teardrop falling onto Greedling's face when they're dangling over the edge of the wall 😭 it literally stayed with me for years and i never forgot the way that scene looked

fast forward 7 years to 2021 >>> Hohenheim's death was always pretty emotional even the first time around, but when I rewatched BH last year that scene made me cry so much I literally couldn't read the subtitles through my tears fhjdshfj I barely remember what he said but, even before that when they're trying to get Al back and he offers to use his last life because he's their father....... bro..

otherwise, Greed's sacrifice and his goodbye also makes me emo T_T and Pride thinking about Wrath and Mrs Bradley right before he "dies" RUINS ME

[izzyfandoms]

oooo!! in that case,, ive got one request in mind. (you can decide however long or short it can be) so it’s remile; it starts off with them as close friends and they’ve been crushing on each other for a while (let’s say a year or two) and one day they have a fight and they end up making up and confessing to each other on the street while it’s raining heavily. so they end up kissing each other under the rain (bc i am a sucker™️ for cliches)

(I've decided to make this short, cos I have enough Longer WIPs lmao, but I love this!!! Remile is my absolute FAVE ship)

Remile - Rain

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgromlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff

Masterpost

Emile wasn't going to cry. He wasn't.

He wanted to, but he wasn't going to. Not now, not until he got home.

It was raining, freezing cold, and his clothes felt like ice as they stuck to his skin. The wind was loud - practically screaming in his ears - and it was dark out.

And Remy had just told him that he didn't want to be friends anymore.

The moment Emile had heard this, his heart had shattered into hundreds of glass-like shards. He hadn't even waited for Remy's explanation - what could it have possibly been? - he'd just turned on his heel and left.

If he hadn't, he might've burst into tears on the spot.

"Emile! Emile, wait!"

Emile froze in place, his hands tightening into fists. His bottom lip was quivering, his eyes moments from filling with tears. He didn't glance back, but he waited.

It only took moments for Remy to catch up to him. He grabbed Emile's wrist, and Emile immediately pulled back, but he turned around anyway, making sure his expression was neutral, giving Remy a blank look.

"What is it, Remy?" Emile said tiredly. "You already made your feelings clear."

"I absolutely did not," Remy said firmly. "I didn't... I didn't mean what you thought I meant."

Emile sighed. "Then what did you mean, Remy? You told me you didn't want to be my friend anymore, what else could that have possibly meant?"

Remy stared into Emile's eyes, his brow creased like he was mulling something over. The longer he stood there, just watching him, the more Emile felt like he was getting closer and closer to bursting into tears.

There was a beat.

"I'm in love with you."

What?

What?

"And I was gonna ask you out," Remy continued, glancing away and awkwardly running his fingers through his hair. "But... I fucked up, and I started my confession in the worst way possible. Like, I couldn't have possibly fucked up more. Babe, I'm so sorry. When I said I didn't want to be your friend anymore, I meant to say that that was 'cos I wanna be your boyfriend instead - though, it's, uh, chill... if you don't want that. I'm fine with just being friends."

If Remy had looked up from where his gaze was fixed to the ground, he would've noticed that Emile's eyes were wide, his lips parted, his face a bright red.

"I don't wanna be your friend, either," Emile suddenly blurted out.

Remy's eyebrows shot up, and his eyes met Emile's. He looked incredibly confused, like he wasn't sure whether to be offended or burst out laughter.

"Babe, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific."

Somehow, Emile's face reddened even further. He reached out, awkwardly grabbing Remy's hand and squeezing it.

"I, um... I feel the same way."

"Really?"

Remy's smile was just so eager and excited that it seemed to effortlessly pick up the pieces of Emile's broken heart, putting it back together and making it feel five times too big.

Emile nodded, the smile quickly spreading to his face, too, and Remy's hand immediately came up to cup his cheek.

"Can I-"

"Yes!"

There was no hesitation there, absolutely none at all, though Remy still waited a moment, double checking Emile's expression, before he leant forward, pressing his lips to Emile's with a sweet kiss.

It was like hundreds of tiny fireworks were going off inside Emile's mind, his heart exploding with joy, and he could almost ignore that freezing rain that pelted down, soaking through their clothing. Remy's lips were so warm and soft, a little hesitant, like he didn't want to scare Emile off, but eager nonetheless.

When Remy pulled away, Emile followed his lips, before he realised what he was doing and stepped back again.

Remy squeezed his hand, squinting his eyes as he looked up at the sky.

"We should probably get back inside," He said, before turning back to Emile. "Do you wanna, um... rewatch ths Steven Universe movie with me?"

Emile's eyes brightened, and he nodded excitedly.

"Great," Remy smiled. "Do you wanna borrow my jacket? Your clothes are even wetter than mine."

[mimik-u]

Steven Universe: The Movie Re-Watch (Pt. 1)

Ewswoskksskksos, it always amuses me so much that they brought on Patti Lupone, Christine Ebersole, and Lisa Hannigan to sing an expositional song and then show up for, like, five minutes total in the movie. That’s powerful.

Hhhhhh, but also, I love how much the Diamonds have grown in two years, and that, fundamentally, they’re still growing—White needing to be corrected on the prejudiced language she used, for instance. In two years, a lot can happen; so much can change. And the work never stops.

“Bye!” And then Steven yeets off like someone finally escaping a clingy relative at Thanksgiving eoeoeowksksksjsj. That’s great.

Hhhhhhhh, and just change is already everywhere in this movie—in Steven, in Connie, in the rebuilt beach house, in the observatory area now attached to the back. It’s so different, but also, so good.

AHWHAHWHAHW, I forgot she pecks him on the cheek. Connverse is so sweet.

CRIES ON ZACH CALLISON. Hhhhh, the way his voice has developed so beautifully over the years. “Here We Are in the Future” is just so beautifully sung. And the message itself is beautiful—embracing the brightness of a future that you have shaped, action by action, word by word.

More subtle growth!! Pearl learning how to play the bass with Greg on the guitar! Can you imagine S1 Pearl ever doing that?? Hhhhh!!!!!$$7&2&:&/&/&/

I need to stop commenting on every little thing that I see, lmao. I’m not even ten minutes in.

Oh, my GOD. These Pearlrose feels. AND NOW GARNET FEELS. They’re all so empowered and happy, and we’re only, like, two minutes away from that being over HELP.

I’m so emo over Steven being taller than Amethyst 😭.

And now I’m crying about Little Homeworld. These gems have literally built a new life for themselves on Earth, side by side with each other and humans. Wtf, this is perfect.

EOODDISNS. THE MONTAGE OF AMETHYST’S FAMILY GROWING. SHUT UP. I’M NOT EMOTIONAL. YOU ARE.

AND THEN THEY ALL RUN TOGETHER LIKE IN THE INTRO, AND STEVEN IS LEADING EIDOSJSJIS.

(This isn’t coherent. I’m sorry, lmao.)

Steven using his powers to regrow flowers that he plucked is just chef’s kiss.

GOD, Spinel’s design is so fucking good. AND THIS SONG, HHHHHHH. And the way she fights, and the way it’s animated, is just so unique and creative. Hhhhh, Spinel is the Crewniverse firing on all cylinders.

SHE JUST STRAIFHR UP POOFS THEM ALL IN ONE GO. HOT DAMN.

Let Greg say holy shit!!!!!!!

;-; On the shelf behind the couch, the remnant of Rose’s sword is displayed.

Proto-Pearl!!!! I wonder if by customization settings, that’s the part of the Pearl process in which the gems who owned the Pearls had the ability to tailor them to their cut—Blue and Yellow Pearl being so similar to their own Diamonds, for instance. And so, maybe in the “default setting,” Pearl takes on all the colors of the Diamonds, just as she had done when she was first with Pink??

Baby Amethyst is so cute hhhhhhhhhh. Look at her mimicking everything Pearl does.

OQISDINDJSSJ. The umbrella and double Greg joke HELP.

OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION. BISMUTH WEARING OVERALLS IS SO GOOD!!!

Oh, my god. Bismuth, Peridot, and Lapis are such a good trio ;-;-;

“Oh, my stars! I touched it. I could have lost all my character development!” OWISDJSKSJ. Peridot, I love you.

I’m so sad for Steven Universe. He’s worked hard, for two years, to finally escape the shadows of his mom’s past, and here he is again. Wth

BISMUUUUUUUUUUUUTH. I love her so much. And the fact that she persists in singing, even though Steven’s struggling to leave his mournful refrain—God, that is beautiful.

“My scaffolding! My precious scaffolding!!!” Me in Minecraft when I accidentally misclick something.

OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT. REVERSE RUPPHIRE STORY!!! Sapphire saves Ruby this time hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Cotton Candy Garnet!!! Hhh, and that sound, plus the accompanying visuals were so lovely. Fusion is like blending colors to make something new. (And so, too, is love.)

“Pearl! You don’t have to do that! I own a car wash!” AIIWISJSJS

“Spinel, you stay here with the others, and I’ll be right... back!” / “No!” God. The psychical damage she endured, so much so that even an innocuous statement can wring so much hurt. 6,000 years of being forgotten. That is... unfathomable.

I love how Steven and Amethyst’s song is about being there for each other because that’s the relationship they so intimately developed over the course of the show... but also, too, huge parts of her montage are about playing, and that’s another aspect of their relationship that’s really, really important. It’s why Smoky’s yo-yo is a toy and not a weapon.

“Yo, I’m back, you dip.” HELP DISOWKSNIWOWKAJA.

Sadie having half-blonde, half-green hair is such a good look, omg.

Oh, my God. The image of Amethyst transforming into Rose. The last time she did it, she did it out of revenge, to hit Greg where it hurt. And here, she’s actually doing the same thing for Pearl, to hit her where it hurts, except this time, it’s an act of love. Holy shit—this show.

HHHHHH, Steven looking at the likeness of his mother with such a devastated expression. GOD.

Okay, I am so happy that Steven and Greg fused, but every time I remember that their fusion is just, like, straight up Johnny Bravo, I lose my actual mind wiwosisosjsj. Like, wisosoiwjsjsissiisisjsiasjsj.

OH, PEARLMETHYST FANS, WE’RE LIVING. OPALLLLLLLL!!!

When Steg (is that his name lmao), Opal, Lion, and Garnet soar through the cosmos, Spinel’s face falls as she registers being “left behind.”

Hhhhh, Steven after Steg falls apart. This poor boy.

Gotta stop for right now to do some errands, but I’ll finish my rewatch later this afternoon!!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 33

[sees rewind cover] time to be emo

swerve giving us a nice lil recap of the wild events of slaughterhouse thus far

and then the roll call page...I love how the last one is ‘rewind?!?’

OUGHGHGGHGHGH REWIND TINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I adore that nautica has a list of in-jokes to check off 

ohhhh man I forgot that alt-lost light rewind doesn't really know skids?? bc the alt lost light never picked him up....

POOR REWIND he wakes up all elder scrolls style and then immediately autobot megatron is just There without explanation lmao this poor lil guy

love the casual gender stuff honestly

nightbeat: ayyyy rewind!! sup? what horrific slaughter happened here? spill the tea! 

hvakjdfbskdf poor rewind is going thru it jesus

nautica and riptide hvbhkjasdsfasdfn ‘are jokes not funny where you come from?’ immmmm

nautica is so cute I love her

ohhhhh I love the panel of the two lost lights going off in separate directions with the title right below 

‘I remember it well. kind of’ that's a really funny line actually hbvkdjfnasdfl

I really like how on the alt lost light, rodimus’s risky stunt with the sparkeater actually kills him - I mean I'm glad that didn't happen in the main story but that's such a cool jarring discrepancy 

ok but its inherently VERY funny that the djd like, murdered the entire lost light, but later in the story the lost lighters are obviously still around and not dead...that's so fucking funny, the djd were probably like ????????????????? what the fuck didn't we kill these guys?????? but also they were tripping so they cant be sure

isn't it brainstorm who called the djd on the alt lost light??? oof 

LOVE the continuity of the alt lost light being the place that the djd went at the end of the scavengers 2 parter wayyyy back in the beginning of s1

more horrific slaughter, as one would expect from an arc called ‘slaughterhouse’ 

jeeeesus I forgot how completely fucked up all the shit was for poor rewind 2. christ 

also the like, thematic irony of alt-chromedome refusing to erase rewind from his memory and choosing to die horribly instead....SCREAMS I cant handle it

ITS SO HORRIBLE I'm so sad. poor rewind

‘silly string’ I love riptide

nautica is so smart I lov her 

oooh skids going off on megatron is really good. I find the whole ‘cons are super anti-organic/alien life’ angle interesting, bc it like, Makes Sense that a race of robot aliens who live for millions of years wouldn't consider shorter-lived organic life to be on the same level as them, but its also like, not morally right, so the autobots are correct w/the whole ‘freedom is the right of all sentient beings’ thing...its LAYERED

rewind: ‘I'm tiny’

me, crying: yeah...

honestly I really really love the quantum duplication plot in this arc. its like, peak sci fi nonsense but it also like, Makes Sense, and is presented in a very understandable manner...plus its like, super entertaining and fun, so I just love it

love how they're perusing brainstorms lab and just stumble across a dead body. classic

aaaand the plot thickens, with the reveal that brainstorm is a decepticon????? whoaaaa

I love that twist too oh man. I cannot WAIT for the time travel arc yessss

oof nautica being in denial about brainstorm being a con :( 

I find it kinda funny that getaway is IMMEDIATELY like, punching walls and going full that-one-wack-storm-trooper-from-that-star-wars-movie abt brainstorm being a con lmao, like what's even ur beef dude

when nightbeat is all like, wait there's a Type™ for decepticon double agents? and megatron says ‘hm. have you never been approached?’ bvhjaskdfbaksfd

mannn tho, I love all the character stuff this issue...I love the panels of megatron where he looks mad and crushes brainstorms mask, bc like, he’s gotta be thinking abt the fact that the djd, his personal squad of bloodthirsty attack dogs, were the ones responsible for all of this, as well as overlords presence, and brainstorm secretly being a con....

ok rewind and megatrons interactions are fantastic

like, rewind IS the nice one, but the definition of ‘nice’ is probably a little different than it used to be due to Big Ole War 

how are they propelling themselves in space????

NOOOOOOO I'm so fucking sad, rewind 2 is literally like ‘I'm fine with being deleted from existence bc my husband and everything I knew is gone’ aughhhh

and then megatron lies and tells him that he and chromedome, on the og lost light, are ‘inseparable’ 😭😭😭 I mean I guess that's not a lie if you count cd rewatching rewinds goodbye video on loop...AUGHHH

‘let’s not drag out the goodbyes’ but rewind, what about one of the story’s themes, ‘how to say goodbye and mean it’? 

and we cut off right there for maximum suspense...

omg I love swerve like, fistbumping cyclonus in the chest, and cyclonus is just like ?

skids,,,,,maybe surprising chromedome with his not-so-dead alternate-version husband isn't the best idea...like, this isn't exactly a zero-explanation-necessary kinda situation...

I adore rewinds massive shoulder pads tbh

oh god. GODDDDD. the panels of rewind and chromedome sitting next to each other, not saying anything, and just slowly moving closer to each other while looking out at the stars....literally these gay robots invented romance, thank you very much

I'm so fucking tender guhhhhhhh

like,,,,the fact that both of them separately watched the other die horribly and could do nothing to stop it, and now they're reunited here, and they don't even need to say anything...AUGH.....

OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm sorry I can’t. SO tender

and MANNNN I'm so so glad that rewind is back. I don't always love when characters don't stay dead but I'm completely happy w/it here for multiple reasons, like the fact that I really like rewind and chromedome’s story after this arc - like, I LOVE that they addressed the fact that rewind 2 is different from OG rewind, despite being fundamentally the same person, so he and cd cant just immediately get back together and pretend everything's fine, but also there's really only an 18 month (?i think) disparity between the 2 rewinds which is nothing compared to literal millions of years, soooo

ALSO I literally never considered this until this reread but it would've been kind of an L for rewind to die and stay dead considering that rewind and cd were The First transformers gay couple, and that's a really big deal! and I don't really consider it bury your gays bc like, rewind doesn't stay dead that long and also there are soooo many other gays, but STILL 

plus rewind and cd ended up having a lot of story left to get thru, which is awesome

also I just love rewind so I'm glad he’s back :) 

ok the fact that the suspense over brainstorm being a con still isn't resolved bc not everyone knows....spectacular tbh

don't knock the power of love, nightbeat! 

the briefcaseeeeeee

ok but I really don't remember jros explanation as to why rewind 2 and the briefcase didn't get deleted hvbhjsdkhfk I gotta go look that up again

OHHHHHHHHHH I FORGOT THE EPILOGUE IS THIS. OHHHHH MANNNNNN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS 

BRAINSTORMMMMMMMMM ILYYYYYYYYY

I fucking love this scene bc this is basically the culmination of brainstorm being Completely Ominous for the entire story thus far, like, it really hit me this readthru that brainstorm was so totally sinister for like most of his screentime up until this arc...and this scene is the pinnacle, I love how everything brainstorm says is overlaid with so much tension for the reader bc of what we know now about him

like brainstorm saying ‘yes - here’s to fixing things’ is so fucking sinister even though out of context that sentence is just normal

and when atomizer basically voices what the entire audience is thinking as brainstorm opens the briefcase - ‘brainstorm, you can’t do that.’ bc yeah, what the hell, he’s opening THE briefcase, Oh Shit

AND THEN THE FINAL SHOT....brainstorm front and center looking SCARY AS HELL.... ‘I can do whatever the hell I like.’....everyone suddenly collapsed around him...the fantastic shadowy lighting...the ominously open briefcase...the clear segue Directly into the next high-concept arc....[chefs kiss] ART

seriously I love this issue so much. SO many good things. such good character stuff, really great interactions, some fantastic plot development, super creative sci-fi fun times...all around just an extremely solid and enjoyable issue, 10 outta 10

and MAN OH MAN I cannot wait to get into the elegant chaos arc, it fucking SLAPS, that arc and remain in light have always been my favs, I'm so excited to revisit it 

AND ruth bought the physical comic TPB for like issues 34-38 or something and I'm so so glad I can read that instead of braving the many split-up double page spreads on the online comic 

so yeah, cant wait!

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[tinesleftnipple]

episode 19

Hooooo boy we are in resolution phase

Spoiler warning 

Tang yi waiting outside the hospital room. Dr jiang comes out: I feel like meng shao fei has a second injury. Tang yi: where??? Dr. Jiang: his brain

Trailer line is dr. Jiang telling tang yi to let go of his revenge

Lmao shao fei playing with the heart monitor to make tang yi worry (trailer scene)

Shao fei reasoning with tang yi about how he shouldn’t let his emotions control him. Justice will be served if he hands those ppl over to the police. He also just indirectly said I love you

Tang yi agrees to handing over he hang and ah Zhi to the police

AND THEN SHAO FEI SAYS I LOVE YOU ALSJDKSJSKS

AND THEN WE GET AN ICONIC HANDCUFF KISS 

Zhao zi and li qi and tall guy are sitting in a Japanese bar (?). Li Qi is crying. 

li Qi: theres only the three of us left. They feel betrayed by chief and Ah Zhi. Can they ever go back to the way it was before? 

We get a rare emo zhao zi walking along the park. He crying ;-; jack turns up. Zhao zi says he’s happy that he realized some ppl have two faces. He’s hella betrayed. 

He wanted to be a policeman because he believes everyone is good. They only do bad things because they’re forced to. Was everything that he believed in wrong? Jack comforts a crying zhao zi. 

Zhao zi asks jack if he has a second face (a different identity). Jack says he’s leaving in a few days. Zhao zi: why does everyone have to leave me? (Acting a++ here!!)  Jack: what should I do? If you tell me not to go, then I’ll stay. Zhao zi: don’t leave. And then they kiss! 😭

police guard brings chief his meal. Shao fei arrives in THE SUIT (YALL KNOW THE ONE) from chief’s daughter’s wedding. Chief is all emotional but I’m sorry shao fei looks 👌👌👌in that suit (tang yi has good taste).  Shao fei says he looked up to him and li zhen. He believes everything they taught him. But chief didn’t follow his own words. Chief says between being a policeman and a father, he selfishly chose father. Shao fei asks if he’s not regretful. Chief says when Ah Zhi told him he killed boss tang and li zhen four years ago, a part of him was relieved because he saved his daughter.  

Chief: Ah fei, I used to hate you. For your persistence on the case. Shao fei: but you never really prevented me. Chief says it’s because shao fei is a constant reminder of what he did. He was waiting for the day when shao fei stopped, just like he himself did. Shao fei says it’s not the case: chief wanted the truth to be revealed, but he didn’t have the courage.  

At the police station, theyre packing up Ah Zhi and chief’s things. Li Qi: are you and tang yi okay? Tang yi is being investigated. Shao fei says whatever happens, he will wait for tang yi. 

 Shao fei goes to meet Chen wen hao. Chen wen hao thanks shao fei for trying to clear li zhen’s name. Her last few years were devoted to investigating drug rings. He says if Chen really cares about her, to stop dealing drugs. 

Chen wen hao: the only right thing I’ve done in my life is to love li zhen.  Shao fei: did you meet tang yi? Chen: he says there’s no more reason to meet. Chen asks if they’re together. Shao fei swallows and says yes. I’m serious about it. 

Shao fei says tang yi seems cold, but needs a lot of love. Chen says he’s glad shao fei is there for tang yi, and asks for shao fei to not give up on him. And then they hug. Awww... shao fei has been calling him uncle 

Kitchen scene!! Tang yi says even though Chen didn’t kill boss tang, he still can’t see him as his father. Shao fei explains from Chen’s POV: he’s lost everything.  

OMG FOOD PORNNNN 

they makin omurice while talking about Chen wen hao. Shao fei asks if he’s going to see li zhen. Tang yi has no recollection of her at all. He doesn’t know if he should or not.  

Shao fei: things we aren’t willing to let go are the traps we set up for ourselves 

Tang yi then thanks shao fei for everything and shao fei goes all 😍😍 are you confessing to me right now 

Tang yi: can’t you tell? 

Shao fei: you’re tang yi. How can you confess to me? 

Tang yi: and I want to do it your way. 

Shao fei: how so? 

Tang yi: kiss first, talk later 

SCREAMMMMM and then they draw faces on the omurice AND THE HISTORY2 SHI FEI THEME SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND 

zhao zi is in bed reading a book. There’s a noise from the window. Jack is throwing pebbles at his window

LMAO

Jack: I’m gonna live here. I quit my job because of you you gotta take responsibility.

HAHHAHAHAHA HE JUST BARGES IN AND SETS DOWN HIS BAG 

Jack: I can help you pay rent and cook for you. Isn’t that great?! Zhao zi: I think so!

Jack starts making food and Zhao zi says he can help, because that’s what families do. Jack says the I’m hungry line and Zhao zi initiates!!!1!1! The kiss!

Pls don’t on the kitchen table...

End episode

I AM SCREACHINGGGG REWATCH TIME

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Six

Characters:  Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 14290

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma  for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief  do what he does?

This is Chapter Six, Here are Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, and Five

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Maki Harukawa’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Did you touch down at Haneda yet?

From: Principal Emo

Yeah

A while ago actually

I’m actually on the train home right now

Which I guess is a little silly considering I’m coming right back over tomorrow

But also I definitely need to sleep in my own bed at least once before meeting people Kaito works with

From: Me

Ugh

Meeting people

From: Principal Emo

Yeah

Especially meeting people with Kaito “What’s your favorite blood type?” Momota

From: Me

Hey that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about

And your description is completely accurate, continue

From: Principal Emo

Ugh sorry that was mean

I’m mean today and I don’t like it

I need coffee :(

From: Me

Or, you know

A decent night’s sleep

From: Principal Emo

Too hard

From: Me

Oh, you’re right, taking care of yourself is too hard

Back to relentlessly roasting Kaito it is

From: Principal Emo

What no

I’m not roasting him

I’m just

Trying not to be mad at him because the only reason I have to be mad at him is that I’m going to miss him while he’s on his mission and I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me he was going on the mission soon enough that I had time to ease into missing him and if I’m just angry at him about that then I’ll be missing him when he’s here so I should try and not be angry at him so that I don’t let time with him go to waste while he’s not in space yet

That makes sense right?

From: Me

I mean feel about it how you wanna feel

But I’d just be mad at him if I were you

From: Principal Emo

:(

From: Me

*>:(

From: Principal Emo

*<:(

From: Me

What is that

A party hat?

From: Principal Emo

No its like

Concerned eyebrows

From: Me

What are you concerned about?

From: Principal Emo

Right now? Or in general?

Because right now I’m worried that people on the train are giving me weird looks because my suitcase is taking up too much space

But like in general I fear that I am somehow secretly inadequate according to an unclear set of standards that only exist in my own mind

From: Me

Cool

Well not cool actually

You want me to give you a ride to the open house so that you don’t have to take the train again tomorrow

From: Principal Emo

I would actually very much appreciate that

I know that the lines under the Towa bridges have the newest trains and the most up to date security and all

But also there’s just a lot of people on trains and places to hide knives one would use for a train stabbing and even thought that’s super unreasonable maybe it’s not that unreasonable because we have a lot of stabbings in proportion to other countries but also we have a low homicide rate

From: Me

Ah so you don’t just want to carpool for my charming company

From: Principal Emo

If you’re trying to be sarcastic let me just say your company is genuinely more charming than the motley crew of characters one would expect on the Towa to Tanegashima line at ten in the morning

From: Me

Even though my car has the same amount of places to hide knives?

From: Principal Emo

Yeah but those knives are for your purposes and not train stabbings

From: Me

My purposes?

From: Principal Emo

You know what I mean

From: Me

Yeah I do

Also

While I do not want to validate your fear of train stabbings via the association of an abrupt subject change

I’ve been meaning to say for a while that I am sorry that I don’t trust your detective work more often

Well I don’t know about more often

What I mean is

I think that you are a good detective

Even when you say stuff that obviously sounds stupid

And if I implied a different stance through my words or actions

Then I regret those words and/or actions

From: Principal Emo

What?

Oh are you talking about what you told me before I went to Paris

From: Me

Yeah

I mean I don’t think I’m in the wrong when I say clowns stealing toilets from the louvre is a stupid premise for a crime

But I guess criminals are stupider than popular media and common sense would lead me to believe

And I think I should have believed in you more

But also I think I was right that you need a vacation and you haven’t taken one yet and I think that’s not great for you either

From: Principal Emo

Oh um

I guess not?

From: Me

And Kaito told me you’re not allowed to chase the clowns anymore

So maybe you should take a break now

From: Principal Emo

Well

I feel like in a way following the DICE case was a break?

Because I essentially didn’t get any cases done the whole time I was working it

Which means I’ll have catching up to do when I get back to the office

From: Me

Not if I kill you first

From: Principal Emo

Sorry, we’ll have to fit that in later

If you kill me then I’ll be even more behind

From: Me

Your eyeballs better be behind your eyelids at 8pm today or else I’m taking them

From: Principal Emo

Taking what?

From: Me

Your eyeballs

From: Principal Emo

No I need those

From: Me

Then hide them because I’m coming for you

From: Principal Emo

Okay, maybe I’ll sleep a little tonight

From: Me

You better still be sleeping when I get to your house

I’ll be there 8:30

From: Principal Emo

Maki if you want me to sleep at 8pm then that means you want me to sleep for 12 and a half hours

From: Me

Did I fucking stutter

From: Principal Emo

<:( --- Kokichi Ouma's flight from the Malpensa Airport in Milan, Italy to the Narita Airport in Tokyo, Japan was the first time he had ever been on a plane by himself. He had done that on purpose when organizing the flight groups yesterday. Ace and King had suggested that groups be made up of twos and threes to avoid "unnecessary danger," which Kokichi heard as avoiding "letting our boss eat paper and be in vents." Naturally Kokichi responded that it was a positively splendid suggestion, considering he had come up with it already, and he had obliged by it, organizing them into four groups with Kokichi's own group including Queen and Jack. Except somehow they had booked tickets for the wrong flight. Oooh noooo, how could that be? And Queen had been the one to book the tickets too…

Kokichi supposed that he hadn't quite thought this whole being on a plane alone thing all the way through when he was hacking into the airline's online ticket system last night. It seemed now, in the daylight of sitting in the window seat of aisle 22 watching the clouds stroll listlessly across the sky so that he wouldn't have to look at the lady next to him paint her toenails, that there was nothing overtly beneficial about the lack of a familiar audience to his exploits. Sure, it was nice that he could have his blue eyes white dragon on the plane with him in his pocket instead of hidden within the checked bags, but what was the point of it if there was no one to duel with?

Basically he was bored.

But also weirdly not motivated to do anything to end the boredom. Which seemed counterintuitive, because not being bored was his whole deal. Then again maybe having a whole deal was counterintuitive to his supposedly liquid personality. If he wanted to stir things up maybe he should indulge this part of himself that wanted to be boring because then that would vary from his constant need to not be boring, which in excess could be viewed as boring. Then again, changing things about his personality just to avoid an arbitrary standard of boring-ness would also be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?

He tried to think of what the Kokichi who didn't want to be bored with all of his being would do right now. Maybe he would turn around and just start picking apart the insecurities of miss "my toes need to be pink for the beach!" over here until she started crying and jumped out of the plane. Then again, he didn't trust his brain not to imprint onto the next person who had long eyelashes and who he thought might fuck up his whole deal if he let it wander free into the dangerous world of airplane small talk. Sure, he could steal something or break something or just cause some sort of problem on purpose, but, very concerningly, it didn't seem like he wanted to.

It just... seemed like a hassle right now, to think about things and scheme. If he was the maitre d' of mischief then what was the point of it if there wasn’t someone important's perceptions to attend to?

So his brain was left here, grasping at straws, rewatching episodes of Detective Conan in his head, and wondering where he went wrong with the whole dashing phantom thief thing.

It also felt like there was something he was supposed to be doing that he was forgetting to do but he didn't have a lot of time to think about it, what with the recently discovered antique fabregé egg being stolen from the Suzuki Modern Art Museum in Osaka and all. How did Kaitou Kid do it?

Oh, wait, Kokichi knew what this feeling reminded him of. It felt something like being twelve again. Back when DICE was just around a year old and they were still living in that apartment in Hokkaido. They were barely scraping by at that point. Spades and Clubs were in junior high, still seriously considering going back to the old home. All the other teens were still in highschool, except for King, who was just starting nursing school, and Ace still had their first job with that phony resume Kokichi made them. Wait, they hadn't even come up with their code names yet had they? Yeah, they still called him Ouma-sama back then.

That seemed kind of silly, looking back on it. While everyone was at school or work, Kokichi would stay in that little apartment and watch anime for hours, sometimes making nasty little bills disappear through some light, white collar crime. Well, it wasn't always anime he watched while committing tax fraud. Sometimes he would watch game shows or browse the internet while sending emails that would topple companies in just the right way so that rice cakes would be on sale the next week. He memorized a lot of different security detail layouts while lazing around and rerouting rubber horse mask deliveries to the CEO of the Towa corporation because their stupid TVs were too expensive. He also played a lot of video games. Like… a lot a lot. Most of his time was spent playing video games now that he thought of it...

Recalling those times now felt like looking down at half of a person. Or more like looking back at someone who didn't know he was a person yet.

Except now he was a person and he knew that he was one and he was on a plane by himself because he wanted to sulk defiantly. Wait sulk? Sulking? Was that what he was doing?

Well yeah, maybe he was a bit bummed about Saihara. He hadn't been able to think about that earlier because if he thought about the pit of disappointment sapping in the back of his head it might suck the rest of him in too and then he'd be no use to anyone. But now he was alone and it didn't matter how he felt about anybody and somehow he was still confused by it.

Maybe Saihara just wasn't the hot shit Kokichi thought he was. Actually, Kokichi was probably just being dumb for expecting more. Or, on the other hand, Saihara might just be doing things the right way. Tracking an internationally traveling thief through flight records was logical, but somehow knowing how the trick was done made it lose a little bit of magic. Or all of it, seeing as magic isn't real and all. Maybe Kokichi had just been excited by the possibility that Saihara had presented, and thus blew his minor deductive talent out of proportion.

Obviously whatever had made Saihara so interesting to him was of no consequence now, because the detective wouldn't be able to find them with his little method this time, what with DICE staggering out the ticket buying and all. He wasn't even going to leave a note to Interpol this time around. And so the semi-epic story of Shuichi v. Kokichi would end here.

Then Kokichi could just keep leading DICE in heists. Forever. He guessed. He didn't know, actually, what the long term plan was vis a vis their ever escalating chain of petty thefts. Bishop had said they made ¥2,000,000 this month. Kokichi didn't even know how much they had saved up in out of country bank accounts. It seemed like too much.

What was he supposed to say about that to DICE though? Ok guys, we’re making too much money actually, time to slow it down a bit and face the fact that we've wasted our young lives on being only mildly disruptive to but somehow somewhat supportive of the institution of capitalism.

Then what would happen after that?

When he started planning these heists, Kokichi had never really thought of an “after” to becoming an internationally wanted thief. He had seen it as the end goal. The destiny career.

How do you end that?

Maybe he should just pull a Ryo from GX except instead of a heart condition killing him he could just jump off a-

“Ladies and gentlemen,” The crackling voice of the Captain over the plane intercom interrupted the train of thought Kokichi was having as well as where he was in his mental Detective Conan Kaito Kid best hits Marathon, “As we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”

Uh. What? This was a twelve hour flight and that sounded an awful lot like a landing announcement. Was the Captain on crack or someth-

Kokichi realized that the sky outside the window he had been spacing the fuck out through was dark now. Even more telling of the passage of time, though, was the fact that he was on episode 703 now, the train one where Kaitou Kid disguises himself as a maid.

In order to function like a real living person who experienced the passage of time, Kokichi banished anime from his brain.

Okay, not thinking about anime anymore… thinking instead about what to do when not on the plane….

Right, he was supposed to wait at the baggage claim until Rook, King, Queen and Jack’s flights came in. Then they would drive to the rendezvous in central Tokyo where they would meet the members who landed at Haneda instead of Narita. Then they would head to the JAXA launch site on one of the islands in the Kagoshima prefecture and Kokichi would lay out the heist plan he came up with on... the…. plane….

Oh... he forgot to do that, didn’t he?

…

See, who needed a nemesis when Kokichi had self foiling down to a science? --- Shuichi Saihara really meant to sleep last night. He really did. He went through the whole thing too, brushing his teeth, putting on a sleep t-shirt, and lying down in the bed. Yet somehow his brain never got the message that it was time to shut down.

Instead, it compulsively lit up with anxiety, which began dueling it out with the half hearted self reassurances he postulated to pretend he was coping.

The afternoon before, Shuichi had returned to the small building which served as his dual purpose home/office to find a slew of missed phone calls and letters. He spent three, gut-wrenchingly guilt-ridden hours sorting through everything from distress calls from potential clients, some well wishes from clients he had been following up with, and worst of all extremely distressed calls from clients he had failed to follow up with in wake of the DICE case.

He felt like the stupidest, most pathetic excuse for a detective on the face of the earth. He knew that he shouldn’t feel that way, but how could he not come to that conclusion with all the evidence that lay before him? Every call and letter was from a person that Shuichi had failed to help because he had somehow decided vainly pursuing international thieves was something only he could do. Maybe early on it had seemed like the logical step to pursue the thieves where interpol couldn’t. Shuichi had just come off of a big bust in the organized crime sector of Towa City, tracing back a series of revenge killings at the behest of a secretive swordswoman, and had been passively keeping up with the DICE case on the side. When he had managed to get his hands on one of the encoded letters sent to Interpol, he was certain DICE was going to hit the Smithsonian, so he and Kaito had gotten on a plane to America. And then they didn’t catch the thief and obviously that was Shuichi’s fault because the evidence was all in his hands if he had only been fast enough… So he got the next letter and pursued the thieves to Paris and he got even closer and when he failed it was even more obviously his fault because he should’ve been smart enough to notice an internationally wanted thief sitting literally right next to him. And then some how he had decided that? Stealing plane records was the next logical step? How did he even get there? It was so obviously over the line… But would he really have been satisfied, then, if he had just given up on the truth? Was he really satisfied now? He couldn’t possibly-

It didn’t matter whether he was satisfied or not. Not everything was about him. He had his own job to do here in Towa City and he had forgotten that for about a month and a half to chase after a group of essentially harmless thieves. There had been four murders in Towa City since then! And Shuichi knew that because four people had called him to investigate them! And Shuichi was aware that people would be calling him about violent crime! And he had seen the evidence that the thieves had a zero casualty count! And yet somehow he still had to have Agent Ishimaru spell it out for him that he should’ve just stayed home!

Okay he was freaking out a bit, things were fine. Interpol was going to take care of DICE now. It wasn't Shuichi's case. He needed to calm down. Stop trying to convince himself there was more to the case. Why would he think he knew the case best when he worked on it for less than half a hear? Interpol had been tracking criminal activity suspected of the organization for nearly a decade now. Then again maybe that was a point against interpol. What if they were in-

Stop! No! Not his case! Stop being suspicious!

Shuichi had other things to focus on now. He had managed to get into contact with most of the people who had left him messages, and to make up for lost time he had decided to try and take up a few cases at a time. Except contrary to his own self-conceited beliefs there were more detectives in Towa City than just him, and everyone who had called him about a case had managed to hire someone else already.

He tried to convince himself this was a good thing, as he lay awake at night. Everything was fine. He wasn’t failing anyone. There were so many other capable detectives in Towa city. No reason to be concerned.

Yeah, nobody needed him, the pathetic detective he was anyway. He hadn’t even managed to get close to catching DICE’s leader, let alone the nine other members of the group…

Well maybe he had gotten pretty close. He remembered grappling with the thief in Taipei and Milan. The close contact with the pilferer of his pursuit only made Shuichi’s own incompetence more frustrating, his mistakes made more obvious in the light of hindsight.

He really wanted to know why-

Not his case. God what an idiot. What had Dr. Iruma diagnosed him with after the thief escaped? Ah that’s right, shit for brains.

… That reminded him, he should follow up with the Idabashi labs people. He had gotten so caught up in making sure he stayed on DICE’s tail that he forgot to even perform the most basic courtesy in his practice as a detective. Being able to check up with clients, bystanders, and victims without risking a witness tampering charge was one of the main benefits of being a private detective versus being a police detective. When he had started his private practice Shuichi had promised himself that now that he could put the people involved in a case before the case itself he would do so to the best of his ability. He usually took much better care to address concerns of breaking and entering victims, what had he been thinking leaving the labs immediately to pursue DICE? Dr. Iruma had still been uncertain if her friend would recover from being shut down right in front of her! Shuichi was shocked at his own behavior. It was the kind of awful thing he would have pulled as a reckless teen detective, pursuing the truth without regard for who he accused or lied to along the way. The resurfacing of this behavior seemed appalling to him now.

He should call Idabashi labs right away to apologize.

It was this thought that finally stirred him from his half-awake stupor at 4 AM. At realizing the time, the part of Shuichi’s brain that was still capable of higher reasoning decided that calling would be rather rude at the hour, but he was too anxious he’d forget to call at all if he postponed now to abandon the idea altogether. In compromise, he took out his laptop and began drafting a letter to Dr. Iruma instead, expressing his regrets and apologies of every little thing he could think of. The broken windows, the used bomb, the cup of coffee he had made in her kitchen without asking…

He was typing and retyping the sign off at the end of the letter (Sincerely was a good stand bye but not very personal? Concernedly? Too personal. Thank you for your time? Ugh not the right tone) when he heard the knock at the door.

Shuichi blinked, breaking the trance-like state that he now realized had led him to write a four page letter. He looked at the grandfather clock on his mantle. It read 10:31 AM. Which meant it was actually 8:27 AM because that clock was 2 hours and 4 minutes fast and Shuichi was too afraid he might break it to try and fix it.

Maki had promised to pick him up at 8:30 so by process of logical deduction Shuichi could safely assume that it was her outside, coming to bully him for being sleep deprived.

Sure enough, the sound of the spare key he’d given her and Kaito could be heard jiggling in the door knob. Maki opened the door.

The desk Shuichi was working at was in his client reception area, which was unfortunately immediately in view of anyone opening the door. Maki locked eyes with him almost instantly, and the look in hers was that of disappointment.

“And here I was thinking you might actually be asleep.”

“Uh. Sorry.” Shuichi said, closing his laptop. Then he opened it again. “Hey if you were apologizing to someone for not catching a burglar in their home/place of work and then leaving while their friend was sick so that you could chase said crook to another continent, would you sign the letter ‘sincerely’ or with something more like ‘once more expressing deepest apologies...”

Maki frowned, coming in and closing the door. “I’m not good at apologies. Those both sound polite but, knowing you, you probably didn't do something you would actually need that level of politeness to apologize for.”

“Um.” Shuichi went with ‘deepest apologies, -Shuichi Saihara.’ “Better safe than sorry?” He hit print. The printer his laptop was connected to was upstairs in the office where he kept his case files, so he had to run up the stairs to grab the printed letter.

Maki, seeming to sense he was going to need a second to put his four page letter in an envelope, sighed and came into the building from the entryway. She took off her shoes, heading towards the kitchen in the next room over.

When Shuichi got back down stairs with his four page apology letter safely tucked away in an envelope with a nice international stamp on it, he came into the kitchen to find Maki unplugging his coffee maker.

Both took a moment to register what one another was holding in their hands. Then they both frowned disapprovingly.

“Maki come on…” Shuichi protested weakly. “I don’t want to fall asleep at the JAXA open house.”

“Shuichi you’re at ten-page-apology-letter crazy right now and you think caffeine is going to help you?”

“Yes.” Uh. Wait. Was that healthy? “Maybe.” Probably not. “It’s only four pages.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. Okay Shuichi was not on the winning side of logic here that much was clear. But still…

“Okay you win.” Shuichi relented, moving toward the kitchen counter as if to set down the envelope in his hands.

The second he dropped it, he made a mad lunge for the coffee maker cord. Maki effortlessly pulled it out of the way and grabbed his wrist, twisting him into a lock and then bringing him to a pin on the ground.

“What was the plan there?” She asked. Was it just him or did she sound bemused? He couldn’t really look at her face to garner her expression because his own face was currently smashed against the tile of his own kitchen.

“No plan.” Shuichi admitted through a mouthful of the floor. “Only caffeine withdrawal.”

“Okay.” Shuichi felt his center of gravity flip once more, “You’re sleeping in the car.” Shuichi realized that Maki had scooped him up into a princess carry too late to actually do anything about it.

“Hey!” Shuichi protested, a little indignant.

Being close friends with Maki Harukawa came with the knowledge that you were going to be treated like you weighed less than a ragdoll from time to time. She had a tendency to muscle her way through social interactions if at all possible. Her significant other just gave her a compliment she didn’t know how to deal with? Punch him. That guy at work wouldn’t stop talking to her about his fucking car? Walk through a door and close it in his face if he tries to follow. Her best friend wants to make a series of regrettable decisions? Physically prevent him from doing so because he is easier to lift than a handful of grapes.

Shuichi had been friends with Maki for about seven years now, and he knew this all well enough, but that didn’t mean he had to go down without a fight. “Maki I have to get my letter to the-”

“Shuichi when you get back to that letter tomorrow morning you’ll be embarrassed you even wrote it.”

Okay, maybe Shuichi would go down without a fight. Maki made a good point, Shuichi was very often embarrassed by things he himself did while off his daily recommended prescription of z’s and or caffeine.

“Okay! I give! You’re right.”

“I know.” Maki had gotten to the front door and seemed to be puzzling out how to open it with her elbow.

“Here I can walk by myself.” Shuichi made a move to roll out of Maki’s arms, but she was still gripping his shoulder in place.

“Walk to the car by yourself or walk to your kitchen and feed your caffeine addiction?” She looked down at him with a stern expression that implied only one correct answer.

“The car.” Shuichi relented.

“Alright then.”

Maki set him down and opened the door while he grabbed his coat from the closet.

She gave him another look.

“What is it?” Shuichi thought she was scrutinizing his appearance, so he mentally did the same. “Oh! I forgot to do my eyes-” Today his morning routine had been: get out of bed, go to computer, write apology letter, whereas usually it went: get out of bed, apply eyeliner, worry about inadequacies, drink coffee, feel marginally better. Shuichi had skipped the second step, and he was about to rush to the bathroom to correct it, but Maki grabbed his arm.

“Shuichi we’re going to Tanegashima in August. It’s 30 degrees there. Your eyes are going to melt. Along with the rest of you.”

Shuichi took a moment to realize that Maki herself was wearing shorts and a loose aloha shirt. Meanwhile he was standing here in his baggy sleep t-shirt, skinny jeans, and black trenchcoat.

“Uh.” Shuichi took off his coat and tied it around his waist. “Better?”

“Hmph.” Maki grumbled, walking out onto the sidewalk. “If you die of heatstroke on the way there, I’m not going to your funeral.”

“Not even if Kaito went?” Shuichi followed, locking the door behind him.

“Especially not if Kaito went.” Maki pulled out her keys and unlocked her car, which was parallel parked on the street by Shuichi’s office. “He’d cry like a baby. It would be insufferable.”

Maki’s car was an old black honda that always smelled a little like burnt sugar. With Maki, Shuichi couldn't be sure if the smell came from a baking mishap or the trace of nitroglycerin from a recently fired gun. It was probably both. On hot days the air inside was unbearably warm until the AC was turned on for at least a minute, because the seats were made of a dark, greasy pleather sort of thing that made it its mission to absorb as much heat as possible. Shuichi had a distinct memory of pressing his face against the material to avoid being shot from behind. In fact he sort of had a slideshow of bad memories associated with riding in this car on various high stake chases or on the approach of even more stressful social situations. Yet despite all that, the second Shuichi settled into the passenger seat and pulled the seat belt over himself, he felt more at home than he had pulling up the covers when he’d been trying to sleep last night.

What happened next was embarrassingly predictable. From Shuichi’s point of view it seemed like Maki started the car, he closed his eyes, and then when he opened them his face was pressed against the window and he could see the Towa Bridge Expressway zooming past him.

The road was on the upper side of one of the bridges Towa Corp had built about a decade ago connecting Islands like Tanegashima, Yakushima, and Towa City to the mainland. On the underside of the bridges were bullet trains that ran underwater between the islands.

Regardless of this, all roads feel the same under the wheels of a car you forget falling asleep in.

“Hghh.” Shuichi was half aware that his throat was the thing that just made that noise.

“Wow you got a whole REM cycle in there.” Maki seemed to hear his rooster cry of wakefulness despite the interference of some sort of j-pop song coming out of the car speakers. As Shuichi’s eyes adjusted to the pale daylight stinging his retinas, he could make out that his friend had her eyes fixed on the road. “That must be a new record.”

“If you’re gonna-” Shuichi realized his speech was muffled and that it was because his face was still against the window. He made an effort to sit up straight and started his sentence again, unobstructed. “If you’re going to make fun of me for sleeping the same as not sleeping then why should I even bother?”

“Because your health is your health and that isn’t beholden to my judgement.”

“Everything about me is beholden to judgement.” Shuichi muttered, still thinking miserably about his poor uncle’s good name, which he was most certainly running into the ground by having the office closed for another day. He was working a sum total of NO cases right now. Maybe he should write his uncle an apology letter too. Then again he wouldn’t want to bother him in his retirement… Who would want to have their nice day interrupted by their whining nephew? No one.

“Yeah, you should fix that.” Apparently driving for an hour and a half hadn’t changed Maki’s stance. She still had biting comments about his poor self esteem at the ready.

“Hghk.” Shuichi replied eloquently.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Maki muttered in reply.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing." Maki replied a little too quickly. She was chewing her lip. After a moment of thought she went on. "Well I guess it means something. But I'm still trying to wrap my head around it and I don't want to tell you until I have it phrased right in my mind."

"Hm. Okay."

Shuichi tried to regain faculty over his higher social functions in an attempt to discern what Maki was upset about and to make sure it wasn’t anything that he did. But while he was performing this heroic feat he closed his eyes on accident and then when he opened them again Maki was parking, presumably on the campus of the Tanegashima Space Center.

Shuichi groaned, now finding himself leaned in the opposite direction of the window. “Why does it feel like the part of my brain that produces melatonin is always waiting to get me by surprise?”

“Because you keep trying to drown it in caffeine,” Maki replied readily, seeming to have lost her contemplative mood after another hour of driving, “it’s fighting for it’s life, of course it’s going to use guerilla tactics.”

Shuichi shook the feeling back into his legs as Maki pulled into a spot. He remembered when he used to drive a lot more. When he was on the force he had access to a police cruiser, but nowadays Shuichi had trouble driving a car while he was on his own. He kept having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting pedestrians. A lot of grisly murders happened like that. Even now he could picture that guy whose head had been crushed under the wheel of a yakuza boss’s car…

“Come on, we haven’t got all day.” Maki tapped him in the arm with her fist, then got out of the car. Shuichi was going to follow suit, but he paused to check himself for eye crusties in the pull down mirror. He had just regained the mental capacity to remember he didn’t put on his eyeliner and now it was time to be anxious about his appearance again. Well, at least this would probably go better than the last time he encountered a social situation without doing his eyes. He really thought he’d be safe going to ask Keebo about the wi-fi, but he had managed to stumble into a robbery in process, which had then turned into a hostage situation, which had then turned into an all night police investigation and journalists tried to talk to him again and then Dr. Iruma was doing robot surgery and he got chewed out by Ishimaru again and-

“Shuichi?” Maki had ducked her head back into the car. “Are you coming?”

Shuichi startled out his internal anxiety tirade. “Y-yeah! Sorry.” He shut the mirror and opened the door of the car. It took a second to untangle his coat from the seatbelt, but he managed to get out and retie it around his waist.

“Hey…” Maki had locked the car and come around to his side. Her eyebrows were furrowed. “Are you alright?”

“What?” Shuichi blinked. Did he really look that bad? “No, yeah, I’m fine.” It only occurred to him he was kind of lying for no reason after he said it. “I mean, well. I’m just like. Embarrassed about not being able to see that case I was doing through all the way to the end. Like, I’m thinking about all the ways I messed it up, you know?”

Maki nodded. “Yeah. I feel that way too. About my own stuff. Sometimes. A lot of times. Actually.” Her fingers tangled into a strand of her hair. “But… Well, you know what he would say about it already, don’t you?”

Oh yeah. “Probably something like… the past is the past. What really matters is what you do now.” Just thinking about what Kaito would say made him feel better... He shook his head. “I really should just get ‘what would Kaito do’ tattooed on my brain…”

“Yeah, as long as you’re not in a haunted house.” Maki pointed out.

Shuichi laughed. “Yeah… I guess so…”

Maki looked down at her feet, still carding her hands through her hair.

“I’m… Going to miss him.” She confessed.

Shuichi suddenly felt extremely guilty. Here Maki was trying to keep his anxiety from preventing the performance of his every day functions and he had totally neglected to consider she was going through a lot right now too. Shuichi knew that Kaito had been a lifeline for Maki for a long time, and even though she was in a much better place now Shuichi would be much less of an awful friend if he had realized how much harder Kaito’s absence would hit her.

“What’s with that expression?” She muttered. Shuichi realized he was making a very fretful face. “Ugh. Nevermind, talking about this is pointless anyway…”

“It’s not pointless!” Shuichi rebutted quickly. “Of course you’ll miss Kaito. Talking about your feelings is an important step in processing them… And you know I want to be here for you if you ever need that. I’m your friend.”

“Yeah.” She pushed her hair back from her face. “I know.” She was chewing her lip again. “Uh. Thanks. Sorry if I’ve been kind of… mother henning you today. It’s just. I don’t want to be… Alone again.”

Now Shuichi really felt like a bad friend. “Oh, Maki-”

Shuichi was interrupted by the 2012 song ‘Space Unicorn’ blasting from Maki’s phone. Whenever Shuichi heard that song, it reminded him of udon noodle soup, because that’s what he’d been eating in the college cafeteria when Kaito set it as his ringtone in Maki’s phone.

“Ugh. I hate that song.” Maki took the phone out of her pocket. “We’ll talk later.” She told Shuichi, before answering the call.

“What is it.” Shuichi overheard Maki’s side of the conversation. “We just parked… Yeah… Where?... That’s troublesome… I’m kidding… Ok, see you there… Gross.”

She hung up.

“He says he’s waiting for us by the bus terminal at the museum. Which is on the other side of the campus.”

Oh, Kaito… “It’s like he’s making us run laps again…”

“I’ll try not to leave you behind.” Maki offered, kindly.

“Hey, maybe I’ll be able to keep pace…” Shuichi postulated. “I’ve been in a lot of chases recently.”

“You won’t be.” Maki said, already jogging in place.

“I’ll try my best…” Shuichi promised. --- Kokichi Ouma found himself wondering where exactly that big old brain of his had wandered off to. He knew that by all accounts he was very good at coming up with plans on the fly. Yet for some reason the performance of the actual organ that processed his mental functions was lacking at the moment. Like it didn’t know it was supposed to be the brain of an internationally wanted criminal today. Spontaneity was supposed to mean fun for him, but for some reason this whole build a plane plan seemed more like a point of stress than anything else. Which was weird because Kokichi didn’t usually get stressed. There was just something about this heist that he wasn’t looking forward to and he couldn’t identify what exactly it was or how exactly he was supposed to get around it.

Kokichi was still trying to halfass his way to a half decent plan when DICE reunited in Tokyo. And on the drive down to the Kagoshima prefecture he had more than enough time to think about a plan. In fact he had another 15 hours. And he just… Didn’t. He just didn’t think of a plan. He just sat around pretending to be sociable and analyzing the rest of the group’s conversations and sleeping habits. He thought that maybe he was anxious about them scheming behind his back again, but realizing that he was anxious should have made the being anxious go away, so he decided that it wasn’t that.

So when they finally did arrive at the Tanegashima Space Center in their stolen Space Center Tour bus the next morning and everyone huddled in the backmost rows of seats to hear what exactly the plan was, Kokichi had to pause for a second.

Uh. Okay. Plan time.

“You may not have noticed,” Kokichi started off after compiling some observations in his head, “But there’s an open house happening at this facility for JAXA employees and family members right now. We’re going to capitalize on that for our fakeout heist, which will be centered around the museum’s gift shop.” Right because the open house wouldn’t let them have access to the non-touristy shit. “Rook, King, Bishop, you’re going to be on that.” Ugh that wasn’t very detailed. “The fake mark is…” Fuck think of something stupid. “As many of those freeze-dried ice cream things as you can carry.” Okay that left him with 7 pieces for the real heist. “Jack, Clubs, Spades you’re on floor duty, make sure to call in suspicious personnel, we have the map of the space center in the heist planning chat.” He had remembered to do that much at least. “So spread out as much as you can.” Four pieces. “Queen, you know what you need. Get Ace to handle transport.” Should he really be delegating that much power to Queen after his little upstart? Or did it just show insecurity to not trust him? Too late to contemplate. “When you get back to the bus, text us and then take off ASAP.” The jet engine would take up most of the tour bus, so they had to get an alternative means of escape. “Hearts, you and I are going to disable security systems and get the secondary escape car.” That was something he knew how to do at least. “Any questions.”

Kokichi would usually expect a hearty “No sir!” to that concluding statement, but instead he observed a smattering of queer looks from the car full of clowns.

Hearts was the first to pipe up. “Uh, boss, your plan for disabling the security system wouldn’t happen to involve getting into the vents, would it?”

“Yeah.” There wasn’t really a better way to covertly sneak around a facility like this when their identities may be compromised. “What about it?”

Kokichi really didn’t have time for Hearts’s whole ‘I don’t like getting vent dust on my white uniform’ thing. He would just pretend like the whole group misheard him and he assigned her to ground duty in the first place if she said she wanted to swap-

“No, I just think maybe I could handle the security system myself.” Oh. That was a new one. “There’s not really a need for you to... You know, risk yourself.”

Kokichi was suddenly made aware of the bandage that was still wrapped around his forehead. He consciously resisted the urge to graze his hand over it. He didn’t want to play into the whole damaged goods bullshit that was going on right now in terms of how his subordinates were viewing him. Then again maybe that’s exactly what he should do…

“Believe me, I’ve considered the consequences,” Kokichi compelled himself to shed a single tear, clenching his fist like a shounen anime protagonist. “And though I may be suffering great pain and personal injury… I’ll risk it if it means not letting my friends down…”

Queen rolled his eyes, seeming to buy Kokichi’s bit, but Hearts still looked concerned, and now King was getting ready to add his two cents.

“Uh, Boss.” Ugh him and his stupid Nurse’s license, “It’s really fine if you wanna stay back…” Maybe if Kokichi cried he could derail this? “Your head is still healing and if, you know, an accident happens, you could re-open it and then we might have to suture...”

No, crying would just make him look worse now. The power dynamic would make it look like he was trying to convince King to let him go on the heist, which didn’t make sense at all. Maybe he could slot himself into a different group? No, most elements of this plan involved being in civilian wear and that’d just remind his crew about that time he just casually let a detective get a police sketch done of him like one of his french girls. Besides, he didn’t strictly need to participate in every step of this heist anyway. Kokichi’s real goal here was to maintain the idea in his subordinates’ minds that he was not a twerp trying to find the most unreliable time to bleed out. Hmm, okay, let’s go with this then.

Kokichi flashed an incredulous grin before smothering it into an exaggerated damsel expression. “Oh,,, I hate to admit it, but you’re so right, King.” He leaned over dramatically, “Every second is torture in this frail body of mine, it’s taking all my strength just to stand here before you!” He wasn’t standing but that was probably the easiest thing he was lying about right now, “I guess I’ll just have to.. Stay here, and.. Regain my strength… While you guys do all the work.” He pulled out the handkerchief he just remembered he had and was going to blow his nose into it before he remembered at the last second it wasn’t his handkerchief. He settled for a grotesque imitation of blowing his nose instead. He lay down across the back seat in a faint. “Ohh, alas, I fear I am not long for this world…”

   “I vote we leave him here to die.” Jack bought in, rolling her eyes.

   “I second the motion.” That was Queen, and yeah, Kokichi had expected that much.

   “Hey, since when is this a democracy?” Kokichi sat up, adjusting the fluidity of his motions to reflect perfect health once more.

   “Since our boss died,” Jack wiped away a fake tear with her finger. “I miss him every day… Sometimes I even hear his voice…”

Kokichi tossed aside the handkerchief and took a bag of chips out from the seat in front of him where he had seen Bishop stash them earlier. He poured the chips into his own lap and then crumbled up the bag into a ball before throwing it at Jack’s face.

Jack, in turn, batted it away, and it hit Spades, who caught it and threw it back at Jack, who dodged, which led the bag to hit Rook instead. Rook picked it up and got ready to throw it again, but Hearts took it out of their hands, leading to Rook just throwing air at Clubs, who squealed despite nothing actually hitting him and jumped out of his seat.

Okay, success. Concern about Kokichi’s injuries had all but dissipated as Club’s reaction got a smattering of giggles.

“Wow,” He remarked to Hearts, who was still holding the crumpled chip bag. “I’m sure a dove of peace such as yourself can handle the security system all on your lonesome.” He gestured to his lap, which was still covered in chips. “As you see I have other business to attend to.” He picked up one of the chips and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly. When he finished the first chip he issued his final direction. “You guys better get started on your assignments. I’ll be here when you need to hijack the second getaway car.”

“Yes, Boss!” Most of his crew said the words more for their ritualistic purpose of ending the team huddle rather than out of genuine enthusiasm. They collected their gear, mostly stored in beach bags and casual purses, and filtered out of the van one by one. Everyone was still in their civilian clothing, so they’d blend right in with the crowds of tourists and open-house-goers.

And then Kokichi was alone again. Except instead of a plane he was on a tour bus. Eating chips off his lap. He got through them in about four minutes, which he estimated was about how long it would take DICE to get out of sight’s distance from the bus. When that time had passed, he licked the remaining salt and grease of his fingers and then stood up, brushing chip crumbs off his lap. Once he was clean, he picked up the handkerchief he had thrown aside earlier. He folded it up along the crease lines into a square, and put it in his pocket again. He convinced himself it was just because he wanted something to do.

He went up to the driver’s seat, sitting down. He didn’t have his license to drive a normal car, let alone a bus, but it didn’t really matter because the bus’s windows were reflective from the outside. They had parked the tour bus close to the entrance in the bus lane, so Kokichi had a good view of the people coming and going from the space center. If he had put any effort into this plan at all, he might’ve stationed Club or Spade here as a look out. Well, he guessed he was the look out now. Hah. Great.

….

BORED. He was bored again. Hgghghgfffkk.

He considered hitting his head against the horn of the car just to do something and by “considered” he meant he tried to actually do it but missed and almost hit his head on the dashboard before stopping and realizing that was a bad idea. For one, honking the horn would just make the vehicle look conspicuous, which was not ideal for a getaway car. And then there was also the fact that his plan had needlessly included bashing his head again which could open his cut and just cause a big hassle when King got back with his whole ‘I’m a licensed practical nurse’ thing he had going on.

So, okay. No horn honking. Right.

Kokichi took out his phone and checked Discord. The channel for heists had no new notifications. He put his phone away again.

God he was going to die in here. Wow, needy much? Shut up brain. Um.

Kokichi leaned over, smushing his chin against the dashboard, and occupied himself by looking at the passersby and picking out random details to build conspiracies about them. That guy’s shirt was untucked, untucked had eight letters in it, magic eight balls could see the future, eight balls were round, you know what else is round? An eyeball. Illuminati, natch. Next. That woman’s achilles tendon was chapped even though she was wearing sandals, which meant she wore heels a lot. Heel was something you said to train a dog. Who was trying to train the human race like dogs? The Illuminati. Next. That guy had really ugly hair. Looked like he used a lot of gel. Gel has three- wait, what?

Kokichi recognized that dumb hair style. It was almost like… No, it couldn’t be. The guy who had been with Saihara at the Smithsonian. What?

Kokichi didn’t let himself get excited until he spotted the slightly less dumb and slightly more familiar haircut on the guy standing next to him.

There was Shuichi Saihara, who was, apparently, the best detective in the world. Also, he was wearing a T-shirt, which was hilarious because he usually wore business casual button ups under his dark trench coat. Kokichi could see his arms, which were-

Wait, no, forget about his arms. How did any part of him even get here? How did he know? There wasn’t any way- Did he lie? HE LIED TO INTERPOL.

Wow, Saihara had more balls than Kokichi had originally anticipated. He should get out there and tickle them a little.

Kokichi started reformulating everything he had originally thought about this heist. If Saihara was going to buy into the phony heist he would have to get into the mix himself. How much would the detective have learned from their last bout in Milan? He knew about Kokichi’s head injury, surely. Kokichi stood up and headed for the door out of the bus. He would have to make his approach subtly, but the buffoon probably wouldn’t be much trouble to deal with. If anything he might make Saihara easier to trick. They were on the move, Kokichi would have to catch up. Was that woman in the hawaiian button up with them too? Yeah, it seemed like it. When she paused to look around, they paused too, looking back, presumably to see what was keeping her. Her eyes were scanning the crowd like she was some kind of terminator bot or something-

Every part of Kokichi froze when that gaze slipped past his.

He saw her face in that moment. Blunt brunette bangs. A dark birthmark. Blood red eyes.

For one shallow breath, a metallic tang poisoned the air in his lungs.

The eyes glanced unnotably over the JAXA tour bus. And then the red woman just... turned and walked away.

Saihara followed her into the building.

Kokichi sat back down.

…

…

What the fuck was she doing here. --- Shuichi Saihara’s best, it turned out, was most certainly not enough to keep pace with Maki Harukawa in a run across the Tanegashima Space Center’s beautiful green campus. Shuichi had plenty of time to admire that beautiful green color the grass had as he stood doubled over trying to catch his breath in front of the center’s main entrance.

Maki was standing by Kaito, breathing perfectly fine with only a modest sheen on her forehead as evidence of the run. Meanwhile, Shuichi was over here sweating through his t-shirt and trying not to let his lungs burst.

“Is he okay?” Kaito not so quietly whispered to Maki.

“He will be.” Maki replied, “He’s just an idiot who decided black skinny jeans were the way to go even though it’s the middle of the sunny season…”

“In my… Defense…” Shuichi panted out between gulps of air. “I didn’t… know… I’d be… running…  today…”

“Hey man, sweat’s just another word for hard work.” Kaito claimed, coming over to pat Shuichi on the back. “Awesome effort, sidekick.”

“Thanks… Kaito…” Shuichi was still trying to suppress his aching lungs into a normal pattern of breathing.

“Hold your hands over your head.” Maki advised, “It’ll open up your chest.”

Oh right, right. Shuichi should know that by now. He moved up from his hands-on-knees-to-make-sure-he-didn’t-fall-over position to one where his arms were up with his hands on his head. Immediately he found breathing easier, although the air was just as hot and stifling as before.

“You know,” Maki was looking at Kaito now. “We wouldn’t have had to run if you had been more specific before I paid for the parking permit… You said you wanted to show us the launch spectation sites, so our car is parked all the way out there...”

“Well, yeah, I did say that…” Kaito was characteristically unflustered by the accusation, “but, then I realized it would be better to show you guys the museum building first! This way we can take our time looking at the launch viewing sites without having to worry if the museum will be open or not later...”

Shuichi wondered if that was just an excuse for Kaito changing his mind about hiking when he realized how hot it was today.  Kaito had a tendency to be a little unreliable when it came to making plans with friends, but then again Shuichi also had a tendency to forgive him for that.

Maki usually did not. So when Maki just sighed and shook her head, Shuichi took that as a signal to let Kaito off the hook on this one.

…

It was so strange to think that in just another week, Shuichi wouldn’t be able to make any plans with Kaito at all…

Ugh. He shouldn’t think about that right now.

“Hey, what’s with the sour looks, you two?” Kaito’s words made Shuichi aware of his own conflicted expression, “Come on, I know what’ll cheer you up!” Kaito turned, walking towards the entrance and gesturing for them to follow him with a sweeping arm movement.

Shichi complied, but stopped when he noticed Maki wasn’t moving with them.

Instead, she was scanning the parking lot behind them with a dangerous look in her eyes…

“... Maki?” Shuichi asked hesitantly.

She didn’t seem to register him, but Kaito did, turning back around.

“Is something the matter, Maki Roll?” He called.

That seemed to snap her out of it. “It’s nothing.” She shook her head and started walking into the building. “Let’s go inside.”

“Hey, what’d I say about secrets?” Kaito confronted her, but he followed her through the doors anyway, Shuichi not far behind him.

“I never agreed to that…” Maki muttered, still walking. “But it really isn’t anything. I just felt like someone was watching us out there…”

Shuichi felt a chill go down his spine. He had also felt something off, but he thought it was just a him thing. He had been seeing the faces of DICE in random passerby ever since he touched down in Tokyo and it was setting him on edge even though he knew his suspicions were completely unsubstantiated. In fact there had been that big tour group of 9 or 8 people that passed them by while they were at the entrance... Could-

“Oh well, they probably were,” Kaito shrugged, “You know, I’m a famous astronaut and all.”

Oh. Yeah. Duh. Maybe the chill Shuichi had felt was just the museum’s AC …

“That isn’t…” Maki cut herself off, seeming to think better of whatever she had been about to say. “You’re probably right. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Alrighty, whatever you say, Maki Roll.” Kaito moved forward as if the issue was entirely settled and had maybe never been unsettled in the first place. “Now come on! I want to show you something!”

What Kaito had wanted to show them turned out to be a series of star maps that were up for display as a promotion for the upcoming launch. Included were larger infographics about which lights in the sky were actually satellites, but those weren’t what Kaito was interested in.

“Look!” He exclaimed, pointing at a section of one of the maps, “Right here! What do you see?”

“Stars?” Maki asked, looking mildly amused by her boyfriend’s enthusiasm.

“Well, yes but…”

“Oh!” Shuichi exclaimed, now pointing as well. “I recognize this one! It’s the beard of despair!”

He was pointing to a circle of stars that he and Maki had named after the cheek to cheek beard Kaito came back from his winter break with in their last year at Towa Community College.

“Hey, that’s right!” Maki exclaimed.

“Why is that the only one you guys remember…” Kaito grumbled.

Come to think about it, a lot of the stars looked familiar… “Are these the stars that appear over TCC?”

“Well, it varies depending on the season, but yeah that’s what we were looking at most of the time!”

Shuichi was overcome with a wave of nostalgia. He first met Maki and Kaito when he had been doing the mandatory two years of training it took to become a Towa City police officer after he had passed the national exam. He had been disillusioned with a future in his uncle’s practice because the idea of getting paid to dig up dirt had skeezed him out, not to mention that he still had huge doubts about his own ability as a detective to earn a living off of it. A police detective had seemed like a more secure, if more restricting, job than private detective work.

Well, maybe it was more accurate to say that Kaito had met Maki and Shuichi and then decided they were all going to be friends because he said so. He used to make them meet him in the school court yard every night after dark to do exercises of various kinds. Sometimes they put aside exercise in lieu of star gazing when Kaito was in the mood.

“Hey, do you remember when Kaito told us which planets he thought were most like us?” Maki asked Shuichi, probably remembering the same times he was, “And when we asked him what planet he was, he said the sun?”

Shuichi squinted. “Oh yeah… I think I remember…” he vaguely recalled thinking that the planet Kaito assigned him was weird, but he didn’t remember why or which planet it was.

“Well, now that I know more about space and stuff, I think he was right.”

“Aww… Maki Roll.”

She smiled a little. “Yeah… The sun is a big ball of gas, just like him.”

“Hey!” Kaito smacked his chest, acting as if taken aback, but Shuichi was pretty sure he was secretly delighted that Maki admitted to knowing more about space now.

Maki laughed, “This is what you get for talking about astronomy every night…”

Shuichi remarked to himself how long it had taken for Maki’s laugh to seem commonplace in a conversation. She was really a lot more open then she had been when they spent those first few nights under the stars. It was understandable, though, considering…

“Which planets did you say we were again?” Shuichi found himself asking.

“Hm?” Kaito paused, squinting for a second in thought. “Uh… I’m pretty sure it was…”

“You said I was Mars,” Maki supplied, “And I think Shuichi was Venus.”

“Oh yeah!” Kaito made a sort of ‘That’s it!’ gesture with his palm and fist, “Maki was Mars because she tried to seem dry and uninhabitable, but there was definitely a frozen ocean in there somewhere, and Shuichi, you were Venus, because even though you thought you tried to blend in with the stars all the time, sometimes you could appear in the day as a second sun!”

Huh. That was pretty nice to say, but Shuichi wasn’t sure it was what he remembered…

“Oh, wait.” Maki interjected, “Didn’t you say something else last time?”

“Hm?” Kaito put on his ‘I’m remembering something’ face again. “Did I say… Oh yeah!” He laughed. “I said Venus suited Shuichi because Venus is the goddess of love and Shuichi’s clients keep falling in love with him!”

Shuichi suddenly remembered exactly why he had been so offended by Kaito’s characterization of him all those years ago.

Maki gave him a bemused look, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the face you made last time too...”

“Yeah, that’s because it’s a really weird thing to say about my clients Kaito…”

“Oh yeah?” Kaito grinned now that he wasn’t the one being teased, “You can’t say I’m really wrong though, bro…”

Shuichi shook his head, “A detective can’t think that way about his clients! It’s exploitative!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t stop them from thinking that way about you…” Maki pointed out.

“I- What- Maki-” Shuichi did not want to talk about this actually, he turned to Kaito hoping for some kind of escape, but his so-called friend just shook his head.

“You gotta face facts some time, Shuichi. You’re a heart-throb!”

“I don’t know what you mean…” Shuichi was finding that there was nowhere to hide his face and he cursed himself for letting Kaede talk him out of wearing his hat again.

“What about that girl who gave you chocolates?”

Oh, why had he told Maki that story?

“They were just for gratitude-”

“What about the guy who invited you on his yacht?”

Maybe asking his friends to help him out on cases all these years had been a mistake…

“That was to set up a trap for the-”

“The person who asked you out for dinner?”

Hghk.

“That was only to meet another contact-” “But then the contact didn’t show up and it was just the two of you.”

“They got in a car accident!”

What about the guy who pretended to be your husband on a plane? His own brain supplied rather unhelpfully.

*Bweeeeoop* *Bweeeeoop* *Bweeeeoop*

Shuichi had never been so grateful to hear an alarm sound off in his entire life.

Maki and Kaito stopped railing into him, looking around as if to see where the noise was coming from.

“I didn’t even know we had one of those…” Kaito muttered, barely audible over the continuing beep of the alarm. “I’m going to go ask someone what’s going on.” He declared, before storming off into a door marked ‘employees only.’

Maki, seemingly unperturbed by the sign, was about to follow him, but Shuichi grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” He said, retracing his own memory, “Come with me, please.”

“What?” She looked at him like he was crazy. “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere I’m more likely to get in a fight than Kaito…” Under scrutiny, Shuichi found that he didn’t recall seeing that group of suspicious tourists among the exhibits… They disappeared at the entrance, which was by the...

Shuichi started making a beeline for the gift shop, untying his coat and wrestling it onto his shoulders as he went.

“You two are so high maintenance…” Maki grumbled, following him nonetheless.

Sure, Shuichi had thought his gift shop theory was pretty on point, but when he got to the doorway of said gift shop the cartoonishly big mallet coming down over his head took him by surprise.

Maki grabbed him, pulling him back just in time. “Watch where you’re going, idiot.” She scolded him before grabbing the hammer and pulling it out of the hands holding it, which were the gloved hands of, you guessed it, a clown with a checkered scarf, standing over the doorway and poised to pounce.

This wasn’t one of the DICE members Shuichi recognized, but it seemed that they recognized him.

“What the hell is this guy doing here?” They called back into the shop, where Shuichi realized two other DICE members were shoving freeze dried ice cream into a bag, before diving down and trying to sweep Maki’s feet from under her. Maki jumped up and tried to use the gravity of her dodge to kick the clown in the head, but the clown rolled away, hopping back up, where Maki was waiting to meet them with their own mallet in the face.

Shuichi heard a sickening crack and the clown crumpled to the floor.

“Rook!” The leaner looking of the two members grabbing ice cream dropped his bag and ran up to help his friend.

“Maki!” Shuichi exclaimed, rather horrified at this level of violence, “They’re just thieves!”

“What?” Maki asked, unshaken. When she saw Shuichi’s expression, she blinked as if genuinely confused. Then she straightened up in a gesture that Shuichi recognized as sheepish even though her tone remained flat as she clarified, “That wasn’t the clown’s skull, it was the hammer.” She raised the big mallet to show him the end of it, which had popped off, “This is just a toy.”

“Yeah! That don’t mean it don’t smart, lady!” The one on the floor, ‘Rook’ if their friend was to be believed, waved off the other DICE member, rubbing their face under their mask.

“Was I talking to you?” Maki fixed the clown with her patented death glare, taking the stick of the broken mallet and twirling it into a fighting ready position like a bo staff.

“Where’s your boss?” Shuichi muttered aloud. “And the rest of you for that matter…” Maybe the gift shop was a distraction, it didn’t seem like the most attention had been given to it. Then again if there were something happening further inside the facilities then Kaito’s people were probably wise to it by now, so there might not be any point in wondering...

“I dunno, ask your mom!” The bearded DICE member standing next to ‘Rook’ threw something at him.

Maki acted quickly, hitting the object dead-on with the broken mallet handle before it could smack him in the face. It burst open, and by the time Shuichi realized it was a smoke bomb his eyes were already stinging from exposure.

“Gah!” He exclaimed, hiding his face in his arm to prevent himself from inhaling the smoke.

Maki, however, ignored the smoke, pressing forward into the gift shop.

Shuichi stayed back, blocking the doorway and tried to remember if he had seen an external entrance to the gift shop. The question was dismissed from his mind as he heard the clattering of shattering glass and remembered that these thieves had no qualms about making their own exits. When the smoke cleared, Shuichi saw that Maki was now holding the bag stuffed with freeze dried ice cream. She dropped it and started walking towards the wall of windows opposite to the entrance. She pulled back her hair and grabbed the side of the window like she was going to try and climb out the hole at the top, which the clowns seemed to have escaped out of.

Except… As Shuichi came up the steps from the entrance he didn’t see any clowns beyond the window. Remembering DICE’s knack for misdirection, Shuichi did a quick glance around the room and… There!

“Maki!” He called as he moved forward, “There’s a sliding door back by the register!”

It was open just a jar, and as Shuichi got closer he spotted the last DICE member vaulting over the balcony just outside.

Maki beat him to the door, sliding it open and hopping on the balcony. She paused for a second, then turned back to look at him. “Stay here.” She ordered, as if it had crossed her mind Shuichi might try to scale down the wall as well.

He would have found it weird that Maki would take the time to tell him something so obvious as ‘you would fall if you tried this,’ but Shuichi remembered what Maki had said to him before, about not wanting to be alone again. He nodded in an effort to reassure her. “Right, I’ll call the police.”

She seemed satisfied with this, turning around and shifting off the balcony to climb down the wall. Shuichi, in the meantime, pulled out his phone and called 110. The operator put him through to the Kukinaga substation, which was the Tanegashima police station only four minutes away from the space center. Shuichi reported what had happened, and the substation representative asked him to stay put to give a report to the officers when they arrived. He voiced acquiescence and thanked the representative before hanging up.

And then Shuichi was standing alone in a gift shop with broken glass and a bag full of freeze dried ice cream on the ground. He noticed some things he hadn’t before. For instance, it looked like the gift shop was partially divided into a sort of cafe, with a freezer full of purchasable food and tables by the windows to sit and eat. For some reason, he decided that sitting alone in a gift shop with broken glass and a bag full of freeze dried ice cream on the ground would be marginally better, so he pulled out one of the chairs, sitting at the table.

…

It was weird how much time Shuichi sat around, waiting for things to happen. Well, maybe less weird and more just plain old pathetic… He wasn’t really the action type like Maki and Kaito were. A lot of his work as a detective was done in the aftermath of events. He was usually only trying to figure out what had already happened. This whole DICE thing was a bit of a change of pace, requiring him to be able to predict the next course of events and perhaps even stop potential crimes. Except, well, maybe he wasn’t so good at that part of it… Today was pretty clear evidence of that. This gift shop robbery was obviously a ruse covering up some sort of bigger crime. Something similar had happened in Egypt, where in order to keep one room’s artifacts secure, Shuichi had to alert the actual museum security to take care of things. Except, had that really been the right choice? The entire museum besides the room Shuichi was in were rugless because he refused to take action. Shuichi knew that staying in this gift shop would prevent it from being robbed, but he had to weigh that against the great uncertainty of what was happening elsewhere right now. It just felt shitty, knowing he could do nothing right now but wait. It had been part of the reason being a detective had yucked him out when he was a teen. For a while he had been solving exclusively murder cases, which were the worst way to be reminded his job was usually only useful after the horrible things happen… Maybe working on the DICE case had felt good because so much of the work was preventative. Predicting where DICE would strike next always gave him the hope that the next time would be the last and it would all be thanks to him… How stupid…

A memory flashed through his head

“You’re really something else, Shuichi.” A face very close to his had said.

Maybe that was something else about the case that felt good. Chasing DICE’s leader had been light and exciting. A mystery less pursued out of a sense of requirement or needed justice, but rather because the mystery itself was genuinely intriguing. Shuichi had started out fearing that DICE may have had some sort of tie to organized crime or some sort of international conspiracy, but… After investigating into such ties and looking at all past robberies attributed to them, Shuichi had turned up nothing. It was almost comical how good these clowns were at going about their globetrotting crime-spree untraced. And it was weird that Shuichi kept crossing paths with them by almost complete happenstance. Sure, he had predicted their movements in DC, Paris, Reno, and Milan, but Egypt, Taipei, and now… Yeah, completely by chance. Unless… DICE weren’t following him, were they? No, there really would be no point to that at all… Hah, Shuichi was starting to see why Interpol suspected that he had ties with-

Oh, fuck. Interpol.

For about four minutes, Shuichi had forgotten how much trouble he was going to be in. --- [Log of Text Messages from Kaito Momota’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey where are you guys?

I can’t find you anywhere?

From: My Sidekick

Sorry I’m talking to the police right now

From: Me

What??

Bro

I’m gonna need like

A follow up on that

From: Maki Roll

Did you not know the police were here?

From: Me

Uh no

Should I have?

Oh I get it

They’re here about the alarm right?

Well you can tell them it's nothing to worry about

We figured out that a sleeping security guard tripped it on accident...

From: Maki Roll

The museum got robbed

From: Me

What??

From: Maki Roll

Well Shuichi thinks something was stolen

I’m pretty sure I chased the clowns away though

From: Me

Wait the clowns are here?

From: My Sidekick

Sorry Kaito! I’m back

Maki is being questioned now

The alarm going off was probably staged as part of the distraction

Did you check the other exhibits to see if anything was stolen?

From: Me

Yeah everythings fine we did a whole check

From: My Sidekick

What about other buildings on the campus?

Anything missing?

From: Me

Nope everything is where it should be

From: My Sidekick

Well I guess that’s somewhat of a relief

Although that does open up a lot of questions about what exactly happened here…

From: Me

Shuichi I need you to come down to the Space center building

The one with the rocketship

Like right now

From: My Sidekick

What?

What happened?

Kaito?

From: Maki Roll

Where are you guys?

The police are gone and you’re not by the space center

From: Me

We’re chilling in the museum gift shop

From: Maki Roll

What?

It’s not closed?

Isn’t it a crime scene right now?

From: Me

Nah nothing was really stolen

So me and Shuichi were fixing the window

But now we are c h i l l i n g

From: Maki Roll

Huh

I thought you might be investigating still

From: Me

Nah

Shuichi needed to do something with his hands

From: Maki Roll

Oh so you mean Shuichi was fixing the window and you were watching

From: Me

I was moral support!

From: Maki Roll

You know you won’t be able to get other people to do your chores when you’re in space…

From: My Sidekick

He wasn’t making me do it

It was something I needed to do

To like

Avoid freaking out

From: Maki Roll

Oh

Are you okay?

From: My Sidekick

Yes

I just uh

Lost an entire space engine and i can’t do anything about it

From: Maki Roll

What?

From: Me

He did NOT lose a space engine

He was interrupted while doing an investigation on our STOLEN rocket engine

From: Maki Roll

What????

The engine in your shuttle was stolen???

Are you not concerned about that? You can’t fly without one of those right?

From: Me

Hey we’ll find it!

Or maybe we’ll build a new one

It doesn’t matter I’m going to space no matter what!

From: Maki Roll

Wait and you’re not out looking for it right now?

From: Me

Well Shuichi was having a moment here

And hey when it comes to looking after your ride or looking after your sidekick your sidekick has gotta come first

From: Maki Roll

A moment?

From: My Sidekick

I

Uh

Found out I’m on red notice

From: Maki Roll

What’s that

From: My Sidekick

Uh

It like

Means that

Interpol thinks I should be arrested

But Interpol doesn’t actually have the power to arrest me

So they’ve basically told every recognized country in the world to arrest me if I’m spotted

So maybe Japan will try to arrest me if they find that they agree with interpol that I should be arrested

From: Maki Roll

What??

Did you do something???

From: Me

No! He didn’t!

Get this

Some asshole in a green coat just came up

And told Shuichi that his boss thinks Shuichi is too good of a detective to be doing things legally

But it's like

No actually he really is just that good

From: My Sidekick

Hhhhghhhghghhghg

That was Agent Sakakura

Them sending him means they really want me dead…

From: Maki Roll

That’s so stupid

You’re just doing your damn job

Hey do you want me to kill that guy for you?

Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill him for you

From: Me

No you won’t because killing is not good

But your anger is valid I am also very angry about this

From: My Sidekick

Hghfgfhhghhhgggggggggg

From: Me

Hmmm Maki roll Shuichi needs to vent some more so we’ll stop texting

From: Maki Roll

Ok

I’m bringing the car over

Tell me if you want me to kill someone for you Shuichi

From: My Sidekick

No thank you

But I appreciate the sentiment --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “#boss-where-he-shouldnt-be” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Ace: Hey, I know this is like a meme chat

Ace: But it's like the only one boss doesn’t have access to

Ace: And I wanted to know if anyone has noticed anything up with him?

Ace: Because I feel like he’s been kinda weird since we got the rocket

Queen: It’s not a rocket its an engine

Queen: In fact it’s actually only about 2/3s of an engine

King: What do you mean weird?

Queen: Rocket engines are built with mechanisms of fuel oxidization that won’t be strictly necessary for an aircraft that isn’t designed to operate in 0 ppm oxygen environments

Queen: So we’ll have to substitute it with an intake mechanism

Queen: Although the pre-existing combustion mechanism is EXQUISITE

Rook: No one cares queen

Queen: Its an important distinction

Hearts: Queen we have a channel for infodumping

Hearts: rn this channel is for gossiping about boss

Ace: He’s been quiet

Ace: Idk ive been worrying about it

King: Do you think it has to do with his injury?

Ace: Naw like

Ace: I feel like he was actin weird because of that before the space station

Ace: But now he’s actin weird a different way

Ace: Like before he seemed a little terse

Ace: And now he’s like catatonic in conversation

Queen: wym

Queen: I literally talked to him five seconds ago

Rook: no wait that is suspicious

Rook: if I were him I wouldn’tve just sat there and let you yap

Queen: oh shut up

Rook: MAKE ME

Ace: honestly i don’t know

Ace: but like you guys saw that detective guy there right

Ace: Do you think something happened with them that we didn’t see

King: What??

Jack: Oh you mean how boss definitely has a crush on him

King: What?????

Jack: Literally in Paris he dropped his entire 100 page plan just to go bully that guy

Jack: He’s like a middle schooler pulling pig tails

Hearts: Hmm… Hate to bring it down but pulling pigtails is a misogynistic notion that reinforces the normalization of violence against women...

Jack: It's true tho

Jack: My pigtails got pulled all the time because as you all know I am extremely attractive

Hearts: Maybe they were just bullying you darling

Spades: Yeah I can see that /s

Spades: Hey you know who really normalizes violence against women?

Spades: That detective guy

Spades: He flipped me in Milan!

Spades: Guy knows fucking aikido or some shit

Spades: And boss isn’t really a fan of violence

Rook: No wait

Queen: What? I thought he really liked yamikawaii shit

Rook: Even though that guy’s friend literally gave me a black eye

Spades: No I’m pretty sure he hates it

Rook: I see what Jack is saying

Rook: Boss totally has a thing for him

Rook: Like literally you can see the hearts pop into his eyes when he spots that guy

Rook: He dropped a display case on my foot when you told him the detective was in Cairo

Ace: Okay well thats not what I meant though

Jack: What you mean you don’t think he got his heart broken by aged up kid conan

Clubs: Conan’s name in his adult form is Shinichi Kudo.

Clubs: Also I think that talking behind Boss’s back is kind of not cool guys. :(

Spades: If you snitch I’m firing you from being my brother

Clubs: :(

Ace: I just meant like maybe he embarrassed himself platonically

Ace: Or I guess adversarially? Idk whatever word you would use for that

Queen: kismesissitude

Ace: What?

Spades: I will swiftly execute you

King: I mean i guess i could see him getting bent out of shape about that

King: But we were kinda onto the detective the whole time

King: I don’t think they would’ve had time to interact at all

Jack: Maybe he’s just sad he missed him

Ace: Ok sorry I don’t know if he’s sad

Ace: Just maybe in a weird mood

Ace: We haven't been in japan for a while and we haven't stuck around a place for more than a week in an even longer while

Ace: It’s putting me in a weird mood too so maybe that’s it

Hearts: Yeah he always likes to be on the move maybe he’s just antsy

King: Or maybe he feels bad cuz Rook got kinda beat up today?

King: I mean I feel bad about that

Rook: I’m okay <3

King: I know <3

Queen: Gross

Queen: You two are literally sitting right next to each other get a room

Bishop: He seems fine to me

Spades: Oh wow Bishop stopped scarfing for a second to weigh in...

Bishop: And by fine I mean terrible because he just dipped his pork dumpling in his panta right in front of me

Bishop: Also you guys know he can see you texting each other right

Bishop: We’re literally all eating at the same table rn

Queen: Oh yeah

Spades: Oops

[alifeexamined-blog1]

At 105 days, a meditation on sobriety

I've been reflecting on 2019 thus far, and how it's been one of the hardest but one of the most important years of my adult life.

2019 has brought some new lows. I've struggled with suicidal ideation in a way that I haven't since I was a teenager in the immediate aftermath of rape and sexual abuse. And if anything, it's been worse this time, because I would keep thinking, "I’m in my 30′s. Over a decade has passed; my life should be better by now." At this point, I was supposed to have grown out of what happened to me in my youth. I wasn't supposed to be stuck with that trauma's ongoing effects, or trapped in cycles of being re-traumatized by the emotionally abusive relationships that followed. (Because even as survivors of abuse, we often gravitate to the familiar. Control and the diminishment of self by the partners who should care for us is what we know, so it’s easy to mistake that treatment for love. It’s emotional Stockholm Syndrome. And it makes any attempt at healing exponentially harder, because every new relationship like that--and I’ve been in several--opens old wounds over again.) 

I spent the early months of 2019 hysterical with anxiety. I fantasized about suicide. I planned how I'd do it. I’m a writer, so I planned what I might say in my suicide note. (I’ll admit that the part of me who used to like Linkin Park reveled a bit in the emo-ness of this exercise.) It wasn't that I wanted to die. That was the worst part: I very much wanted life. And not just life, a good life, suffused with new and exciting experiences. I had this cliche vision of the “Eat Pray Love” version of myself. Like something out of an Instagram post, this Hannah stood laughing on top of a Colorado mountain that she’d just spent all day climbing, silhouetted against blue sky in a big hat and a sports bra, water bottle in one hand, a joint in the other, glowing with self-actualization. Hannah in a state of hippie nirvana. Hannah breathing in nature, no cares or worries. Just picture-perfect privilege. A juvenile aspiration--like most Internet-inspired fantasies, all shine and little substance--but  if I visualized it long enough, I could almost feel the sunshine on my back. 

But feeling that sunshine was becoming more and more impossible. I'd lost hope. I remember crying on the phone to my mom, "I feel like I have no future." I remember I said that over and over and over again. The simple fact of *being me* was so painful that it seemed unendurable. "It hurts to exist," I also recall saying. It’s a feeling I don’t know how to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it (and I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone). I didn't see another way out of that pain and I felt sapped of the considerable energy required to fight it. There was little left except pangs of failure and fear and self-hatred, and the compulsion to escape by any means possible. At 31, I felt old.

All the while, I kept up appearances. If I couldn’t fool myself any more, at least maybe I could fool others into thinking that I was fine. I went to work and tried to stay engaged and personable. I attempted to maintain my social life, even my dating life (though the man I’d been sleeping with lost interest after my facade of the fun-loving, bohemian girl in the sunshine became too exhausting to maintain, and he caught a glimpse of my actual vulnerability). I posted selfies on social media, shopped for new clothes, got my hair done. All the trappings of functional suburban normalcy. But inside I was giving up on the idea that I could access real joy and relief again. When I’d try to smile at people, my face felt like rubber stretched into an unnatural shape. The muscles didn’t want to move that way any more.

And so my drinking, which had already fallen into unhealthy patterns--more and more evenings when I fell asleep fully clothed and still wearing my shoes after too many glasses of Chardonnay--escalated. And escalated some more. In a fucked-up way, it was my weapon against the inevitability of ending it all. It was a last-ditch attempt to break free from the splitting awfulness of being in my own brain. Anything to mitigate the stress before the stress took over completely. If I got enough alcohol inside me, I could feel warm and light, at least for a while. If I was lucky, I could even feel a flicker of sexiness, a fleeting chemical charisma. Late one night around this time, a stranger at a bar said she could tell I have "a beautiful soul." I cried thinking about it later, wishing that I could see myself this way. Beautiful was the opposite of how I felt. Even getting out of bed took a grim amount of effort.

It's only been 3 months and a few days since my last drink, but already what I can see is that the day I decided to quit alcohol was the day I chose life. Quitting drinking was a choice to believe that there *is* hope. That I do have a future, that I am a person worth investing in. I've wondered, too, if the incident that propelled me to stop drinking was my subconscious acting on my suicidal feelings. My "rock bottom" was that I drove home blackout drunk from a bar and crashed my car. That could have killed me. Worse, it could have killed someone else. I was lucky that neither of those things happened. (No one was hurt and my car was fine, apart from a few scrapes and scratches.) Despite the deep, deep shame I felt--and still feel--about having taken this dangerous action, it scared me into realizing that I still had fight in me after all. The thought that I could've died filled me with panic, not longing. That made me determined to piece myself back together, no matter how much more hurt I'd have to get through to do it.

And it does hurt. I've moved through the intervening days feeling like a weird exposed nerve. My emotions are heightened and all over the place. Not to mention that I feel a gnawing restlessness, stripped as I now am of the usual outlet for my self-destructive impulses. It’s hard not to feel manic when you’re struggling for peace against ongoing sensations of frustrated hedonism. The other day I was walking in the woods and first I was smiling because the landscape was beautiful and then there were tears in my eyes because I felt so privileged to be there experiencing it. Profound awe and gratitude, mingled with profound sadness and a loneliness that pervaded every part of my body. And that's probably how it's going to be for a while. 

Quitting drinking hasn't fixed everything overnight. I still often feel at war with myself. I push against the weight of constant anguish just trying to fulfill my basic responsibilities. But sobriety has reminded me that I have agency and that it isn't impossible that I will one day be able to accept myself. Not an Instagrammable, FOMO-inducing, obvious form of self-acceptance, but a quiet feeling of confidence that’s deep and unshakable. Because if I can do this hard thing and stick with it, what else can’t I do? I've been rewatching early episodes of "Game of Thrones," and there are those scenes in the first season where Arya's taking sword-fighting lessons with the Bravosi dude and he tells her, "What do we say to the god of death? Not today."

Deciding to get sober--and, shortly thereafter, seeking professional help to improve my mental health--has been my way of saying to death: "Not today."

[hallelujuh]

shay’s favorite albums of 2017

didn’t commit to finishing this until the literal very end of 2018 but whatever fdjhfkjdsnfds

I’m not sure if it was my newfound willingness to explore new genres and artists, but I thought 2017 was a fantastic year for music. Plenty old favorites of mine released new albums this year, and I was lucky enough to discover a lot of music, both from new musicians and old. Here’s my top twenty albums of this year.

20. Divide by Ed Sheeran

19. Fin by Syd

18. Blossom by Milky Chance

17. I See You by the xx

16. Trip by Jhene Aiko

15. Good for You by Amine

14. Future Friends by Superfruit

13. Sacred Hearts Club by Foster the People

12. American Teen by Khalid

11. All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell by Pvris

10. From the Outside by Hey Violet - While I originally only cared about this band because it’s composed of mostly girls, which is rare, I’ve grown to really love them as musicians. They’re very creative, producing catchy pop tracks that aren’t like most pop songs, and their debut album is fun as hell. Each song makes the listener feel badass and sexy and young, and you just kinda wanna dance and enjoy life. Favorite track: Tie between Like Lovers Do and Unholy. The former is distinctive and unique, and reminds me of Emilie Autumn, and the latter is incredibly well-produced and pretty visceral for a pop track by such a young band. 

9. After Laughter by Paramore - Continuing their previous album’s sound so that every song sounds like Ain’t It Fun, After Laughter has a gorgeous aesthetic, a memorable sound, and, notably, follows the trend of most emo artists of today - disguising sad lyrics beneath happy music, as made famous by Twenty One Pilots. Each song is catchy, allow the lyrics all leave you feeling a bit empty, but you’ll be dancing to misery. Favorite track: 26. I’m always a sucker for the one mellow song on an album full of bops, and that rang true once more. 26 is about reflecting back on how you’ve spent your youth, and it’s paired with a bittersweet simplistic guitar. Hayley’s vocals hold pain, but also gratitude.

8. Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey - I’ve been a huge Halsey fan since before Badlands even came out, when all we had was Room 93 and live versions of then-unreleased tracks. Though her evolving sound was criticized by some, I appreciated that HFK follows the formula so many other sophomore records follow, with the lyrics addressing new-found fame and how the artist is dealing with it, and also how they want their sound to be since they’ve already made it big. This record was clearly more hip-hop driven, with production that sounded heavily influenced by Kanye, but it felt fitting. Furthermore, HFK is the redemption arc to Badland’s heartbreak-themes. It’s really a triumphant album overall. Favorite track: Sorry. While 100 Letters is my most-played track and therefore a close second, because the simplistic beat allows Ashley’s lyrics to shine, and she’s a lyricist and a poet before she’s a singer - I believe Sorry is the quintessential song from this record. Her pain is so tangible in this stripped-down ballad, and it’s such a nice switch from her usual lust-driven upbeat songs. I always have respect for musicians who can bear their sleeve in such an open, honest way, and while Ashley’s always been vocal about her struggles, it’s still nice to hear such a heartfelt track come about even after all her success.

7. Dua Lipa by Dua Lipa - This young pop singer's self-titled debut is a catchy, passionate, and solid record that's earned her a well-deserved place on the charts and in people's playlists. The songs are rather cliched, recycled themes that I've heard from dozens of other young female artists, but there's some emotionally-charged pop ballads that show potential. Dua's vocals remind me of a raspier Ariana Grande mixed with a less-powerful Christina Aguilera. Seeing as those two aforementioned singers can over-do their performances a bit, I enjoyed this mellower newcomer. Don't get me wrong, Dua's unique in her own way, and she's hardly a copycat; but I'm worried her talent will overlooked because there's already others like her. Still, it was a solid album that I enjoy thoroughly, and I had multiple tracks from it on repeat.

6. Beautiful Trauma by P!nk - I've been a P!nk fan since I was very young, and this album was wonderfully nostalgic to me. P!nk's one of the few artists who's never been swayed by a need to stay relevant; she just makes the music she wants to make, and her fans love her for it. This record was, at times, a little generic beat-wise, but still distinctly P!nk. As always, she wore her heart on her sleeve and you can feel how personal every song is; how genuine every word is. It really pays off. Favorite track: Barbies - This is a song I think every girl over thirteen can relate to. I'm twenty years younger than P!nk, but this track really resonated with me. It was the only song on this record I listened to repeatedly. I think every girl wants to grow up as quickly as possible, but once you reach adulthood, you just want to be a kid again. You long for simpler times. The beautiful message of the song (enjoy your youth) is paired beautifully with gorgeous instruments (violin! cello! wow!), which adds a timelessness to the track.

5. One More Light by Linkin Park - Although most, myself included, were unhappy with the pop-driven sound of LP’s seventh effort, the death of Chester added a lot to how meaningful this album is. Listening to it now fills me with a hopeful nostalgia, in contrast with how I listened to it in the days following his passing. What once sounded like a cry for help that no one listened to, now sounds like a triumphant farewell. As usual, these guys put their hearts into the making of this record, and it’s a real bummer that it took Chester killing himself to make people appreciate that. LP is a master at their craft, regardless of what genre they’re feeling at the moment. It’s a solid album, full of truly heartfelt lyrics and Chester’s beautiful voice, and I’ve often found myself listening to it when I’m feeling down. It really helps. And that’s what LP’s music has always been about, I think. Being there for you when you feel like no one else is. This album still felt like that, even though it was through a different genre. They let go of the anger that fueled their signature sound in the beginning, in exchange for a more rounded, reflective take on things. I think that’s comforting, and beautiful, in a way no one seemed to understand. What’s better than someone making peace with the world? Alternatively, what’s worse than someone taking their own life because people didn’t want to see them get better? Favorite track: Talking to Myself. I watched this video the day it was released - hours before Chester’s passing was announced. I enjoyed the bass and the video made me smile. After I found out, and after a few hours of crying, I rewatched this video, and it meant so much more the second time. The song itself is a favorite because it’s such a fun track. The bass line is catchy as hell, and my favorite part of the song is the chorus following the bridge, where Chester does a powerful run and then briefly lapses into Meteora-style vocals (”you keep running like the sky is falling”). That bit is so profoundly incredible to listen to for me, and I’m glad he left us with it.

4. Revival by Eminem - I’m one of the biggest Eminem stans of all time, so I’d probably buy a record that consisted entirely of Marshall shitting - but in all actuality, though he could never disappoint me, I was prepared for the worst, and I was pleasantly surprised. This album felt more solid than MMLP2′s experimental sounds, with Em showing us he really hasn’t fallen off. His usage of words like “lit” and “shook” are admittedly a little cringey, and his take at a more modern sound on Believe (with a trap beat and a Migos-like flow) is questionable, but the lyrics show he’s just as on top of his game than ever. It’s not an instant-classic like MMLP - those days are probably over - but it’s a decent record with several damn good songs. (Edit, 12/2018: Bro I wrote this last year, what the fuck was I on dgfkjdgh.) Favorite track: In Your Head. While the most memorable tracks on this record are definitely the collaborations - my favorites being River with Ed Sheeran and Need Me with P!nk - this rather short track really stood out. I listened to the album for the first time on my CD player, without having looked at the track listing since it was released a few weeks back, so every song was a surprise, and when I heard O'Riordan’s vocals, I got very excited, since Zombie is one of my favorite songs of all time. Though the original song is about war, Em raps over the sample track’s bass line and signature guitar riff and speaks about the skeletons in his closet with a passion reminiscent of The Eminem Show and a flow taken from his Recovery days. The smooth transition to Castle is another nice touch. While his speed in the last thirty seconds of Offended is impressive (with Flight of the Bumblebee in the background! Ha!), this was the song that sold me on this album. It’s everything I love about Eminem. (Note: This was written before O’Riordan’s passing. RIP.)

3. Scum Fuck / Flower Boy by Tyler, the Creator - From the goofy poster boy of a generation of carefree and colorfully dressed punks, to an extremely talented and capable producer and musician, watching Tyler’s growth as an artist and a human has been extremely rewarding, especially as a longtime Tyler/OF fan. While Cherry Bomb failed to impress me in the midst of my emo-craze, I appreciated that it was a turning point in Tyler’s career. SFFB, however, successfully took me right out of my indie-craze. Flower Boy builds upon what Tyler tried to do on CB, and it works out much better. Watching his brilliant NPR Tiny Desk Concert only solidified this belief. Tyler’s a musical genius, and I hope more people come to realize it. Favorite track: 911/Mr. Lonely. The whole record is full of earworms - Glitter, Boredom, See You Again - and it’s truly a feat Tyler was able to pull that off. But I have to go with this single - both songs are catchy, the production is masterful, Frank Ocean and Steve Lacy’s voices are beautiful. Who Dat Boy didn’t particularly excite me upon first listen, but these two tracks did, because they reminded me how talented and incredible Tyler is.

2. DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar - My favorite thing about musicians is getting to watch them mature, both musically and personally. I’ve frequently compared DAMN to J. Cole’s 4 Your Eyez Only, as both records feature Jermaine and Kendrick discussing much more mature concepts within their albums. Kendrick’s always been grounded because of his upbringing, whereas Cole was a little more blinded by fame for the first few albums. However, since their respective last albums, Kendrick has gotten engaged, and Cole got married and had a little girl (EDIT: Apparently he had a boy!), and you can hear how these lifestyle changes have influenced their lyrical content, which is really nice to behold. Kendrick’s always seemed like a very intelligent person, with an understanding of the world many in his field lack, and this album highlights that beautifully.  Favorite track: Humble. While Love’s a personal favorite, Humble’s success reminded me of Control. I still remember the day that dropped - and Humble felt similar, as it was Kendrick reminding us that he’s simply on another level. The simplistic and almost grating beat excellently parodies every single rap song that’s on the radio these days, except Kendrick proves his superiority by showing us that the beat’s not the important part; the lyrics are. It’s genius, and I’ll never get over how iconic it is, honestly.

1. Saturation I, II, & III by Brockhampton - Because this remarkably talented new group released three new records this year, and I can’t pick a favorite, nor can or do I want to rate them separately, they easily earn this spot. With flawless and innovative production, refreshingly creative and intricate lyrics, remarkable versatility, and, best of all, a youthful individuality reminiscent of Odd Future circa 2011, Brockhampton is one of the best things 2017 has offered. I’ve grown attached to these kids, and I’m glad I’ll be able to see where they go and how big they get. Favorite track: Star. While Junky is the most impressive track, and Follow is my personal favorite, Star earns this spot because it’s the song that single-handedly got me into Brockhampton. The name-dropping bop is a good introduction to the band, as it features their signature memorably synth-infused beats, Ameer’s clever wordplay, Ian’s favorite thing to talk about (his sexuality) as well as his penchant for hooks and bridges, Merlyn’s loud and brash vocals, etc. I won’t be compiling a list of my favorite songs of this year, but if I did, this would easily make the top ten. It reminded me exactly why I love rap music, in a time when I was beginning to doubt hip hop.

honorable mentions

CTRL by SZA - Though I’d never heard of SZA aside from her feature on Consideration, this album was hyped immensely by Twitter, so I felt I had to check it out. Unfortunately I was disappointed. Although the album’s masterfully done, and I love the production and her voice, the lyrical content ruined it for me. Of course, this is personal preference, and she’s allowed to write songs about whatever the hell she wants to, but the nature of the lyrics were what kept me from being a fan. To each their own, I guess.

Everybody by Logic - I wasn’t a big Logic fan prior to 1-800. Funny story, actually - I thought he was entirely white, and I’m vehemently against white rappers. He's more like a biracial Kendrick, especially in flow on Hallelujah. The record continues the trend started by Bey’s Lemonade of celebrating black power and beauty, with Logic demonstrating a fresh, biracial perspective on it. Loved that there were actual instrumentals, that was refreshing, considering modern rap beats are often created entirely using synthesizers. Also love that Logic’s cementing himself as the Inclusive Rapper, and accepting that title proudly. Good for him.

I Decided by Big Sean - I’ve been a casual Big Sean fan since Finally Famous (2011), but he’s very rarely impressed me with his lyricism. This album showed that Sean’s matured and grown as a person and a rapper, but the songs didn’t leave enough of an impression on me to be featured on my list.

Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey - Although I’m sure die-hards were more than happy with this record, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I wish I could’ve. Lana’s sound hasn’t changed much, so I don’t think the quality of her music is decreasing, I just think my tastes are changing. This newer stuff hasn’t appealed to me nearly as much as her Born to Die/Paradise stuff did. I think 2012!me would’ve loved this record, but 2017!me was unsatisfied.

Melodrama by Lorde - I can always appreciate growth in an artist, but in Lorde’s case, I couldn’t bring myself to like the change. While there’s traces of the sound that put her on the map, and the music still sounds like teenage rebellion, it just doesn’t invoke the same feelings. It’s less grounded - and not in a good way.

Lovely Little Lonely by The Maine - The pop punk 1D continues to make catchy, solid tunes, but nothing about this record particularly stands out to me. Still, it’s a decent album from an underrated band.

extended plays

they’re too short to be included in my top albums, but i wanted to mention them anyway.

Caught Up by Sarah Close - I found this adorable Brit through her fantastic covers of popular songs, and thankfully I was subscribed when she started posting original music. Caught Up isn’t particularly unique, but the songs are fun, her voice is wonderful, and it’s a solid little EP.

Y.O.U by Dodie - I’ve watched Dodie’s covers for a while, so it’s nice to see she’s making original stuff. Love the style of it. Very excited to see what she puts out next.

dont smile at me by Billy Eilish - The fifteen-year-old, who sounds very similar to the recently-disgraced Melanie Martinez, may talk like an annoying skater boy, but her angelic singing voice keeps pulling me back in. I’m not used to talented celebrities being younger than me. It’s depressing. (EDIT: I spelled Billie wrong jdgdhf she’s in my top 10 artists of this year now too hahh)

Hard by The Neighbourhood - This band has been a favorite for four years now; I even saw them live for my birthday in 2015. They could never disappoint me, but their recent music hasn’t changed much to what long-time fans like myself fell in love with in the days of I Love You, which is nice to see, when so many other artists I used to like are experimenting with their sound in unflattering ways.

[darling-in-the-fandom]

i was tagged by @2kgayteen

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1.      last drink: C O F F E E E E E E (i drink way too much)

2.     last phone call: my dad

3.     last text message: idk when my last text was but the last message i sent was to my bff on discord

4.     last song you listened to: gotta go my own way (still hits me in the feels)

5.     last time you cried: like 5 minutes ago reading a fic and being assaulted by all these sad songs playing on shuffle on spotify (r00d)

6.     dated someone twice? honey, i haven’t even dated someone once

7.     kissed someone and regretted it? nope

8.     been cheated on? hell nah

9.     lost someone special? yeah :/

10.   been depressed? fuck yeah, im depressed right now! have been for nearly two months! :))

11.   gotten drunk and thrown up? i’ve been drunk, yeah, but not enough to throw up…yet

fave colours:

12.   green

13.   blue

14.   red

in the last year have you…

15.   made new friends? yes! a few, surprisingly

16.   fallen out of love? what is love? i don’t know her

17.   laughed until you cried? so fucking much

18.   found out someone was talking about you? …not that i know of? im not worth talking about tbh

19.   met someone who changed you? kind of? i mean, she kinda inspires me to start believing in myself and to stop being so negative all the time? it’s a work in progress.

20.  found out who your friends are? yeah

21.   kissed someone on your facebook friends list? lmao i’ve never been kissed, so that’s a HELL NO

22.  how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? most of them, since they’re classmates…and then there’s, like, one online friend

23.  do you have any pets? a DOGGO called texas which??? is a v weird name for an italian greyhound??? but he belongs to my sister, so, yeah, that makes sense

24.  do you want to change your name? no thanks

25.  what did you do for your last birthday? i had an ASSESSMENT on my last birthday and it was the first day back at school after the holidays. so i spent the morning at home memorising my speech (it was about how we shouldn’t have a plebiscite for gay marriage) and then in the afternoon i gave my speech and i fucking nailed it (all those hours crying and stressing wasted, apparently). then in the evening dad and i watched skam s3 while drinking champagne and getting emo. good times.

26.  what time did you wake up today? like 6:30

27.  what were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping. how boring. just like me :D

28.  what is something you cant wait for?

29.  what are you listening to right now? shuffle just started playing NOW OR NEVER from HSM3—my favourite song :)

30.  have you ever talked to a person named tom? yeah. my uncle, one of my dad’s friends, and then a family friend’s son: all toms.

31.   something that’s getting on your nerves? my writing :))

32.  most visited website: AO3 and imgur—fanfic and memes are the loves of my life

33.  hair colour: brown

34.  long or short hair: short

35.  do you have a crush on someone? what’s a crush? idk her

36.  what do you like about yourself? my bizarre sense of humour bc that’s the only reason i have any friends rn. other than that, don’t think i’ve got too much going for me lol

37.  want any piercings? nope. im way too chicken for that stuff.

38.  blood type: i…have no idea.

39.  nicknames: sass/sassy, super sassy, sassy sausage, the crumbler, and my personal fave: special fred

40.  relationship status: SINGLE would rather not mingle thnaks

41.   zodiac: cancer

42.  pronouns: she/her

43.  fave tv shows: skam, bones, game of thrones, stranger things, avatar: the last airbender, buffy the vampire slayer, angel, star wars: the clone wars, outlander

44.  tattoos: don’t have any, would love a darth vader one though ksdjfkdjsf

45.  right or left handed: right

46.  ever had surgery: nope

47.  piercings: none

48.  sport: dancing (ballet) for most of my childhood, and hockey for like one year.

49.  vacation: i really wanna go to norway (the dream) and scotland and go to america again

50.  trainers: ???

more general

51.   eating: rn? chocolate. specifically toblerone. a huge block. probably not helping me lose weight but oh well.

52.  drinking: C O F F E E E E E E (i need help)

53.  im about to watch: im probably going to rewatch some shane dawson videos. my fave thing to do when im depressed. i love shane.

54.  waiting for: CLASSES TO START bc im going a creative writing degree and a part-time acting course and im so fucking excited it’s gonna be good

55.  want: to lose some weight, to get my shit together, to be more confident in my writing

56.  get married: yike. no thnaks :/

57.  career: the dream would be as an actress. or just anything in the entertainment industry. i fucking love performing arts.

which is better

58.  hugs or kisses: hugs!

59.  lips or eyes: eyes

60.  shorter or taller: either

61.   older or younger: im…assuming this is for dating, so both, i guess? depends how much older/younger

62.  nice arms or stomach: arms all the way

63.  hookup or relationship: :/ not really keen on either…

64.  troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, i guess

have you ever:

65.  kissed a stranger: no

66.  drank hard liquor: ohhh yes

67.  lost glasses: …yep

68.  turned someone down: lmao no bc no one is interested in me :))

69.  sex on first date: nope

70.  broken someone’s heart: don’t think so.

71.   had your heart broken: yeah :/

72.  been arrested: no

73.  cried when someone died: yeah

74.  fallen for a friend: yes

do you believe in:

75.  yourself: lol no :/ but im trying

76.  miracles: no

77.  love at first sight: no

78.  santa claus: definitely not

79.  kiss on a first date: sure

80.  angels: yes, i believe in tarjei sandvik moe

other

81.   best friend’s name: MACK

82.  eye colour: hazel

83.  fave movie: SPACEBALLS

84.  fave actor: i have a whole laundry list of actors i love, but my absolute faves are tarjei sandvik moe and henrik holm!

im gonna tag: @evensdramaticshenanigans @vildenooras @u-pside-d-own @valtermeme 

[xielians]

#sometimes i think about kise and gulps a little #the other day i rewatch an ep of seirin vs kaijou and like // COME BACK TO THE DARK SIDE MIKOCCHI, WE STILL HAVE CHOCO BANANA AND COCKIES AAYY IT IS ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT TOO ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) FREE SOFT-SERVE VANILLA ICE CREAM WITH CHERRY ON TOP FOR RECURRING SINNER-- UHM I MEAN MEMBER YEAH

OH MY GOD COCO NO. IDK HOW MUCH YOUVE BEEN ON TUMBLR, BUT I RECENTLY (actually it’s been half a year now) SOLD MY SOUL TO HXH AND I CANT ESCAPE FROM IT ENOUGH TO GET BACK TO BASKETBALL HELL?????

BUT I WILL COME.... KI-CHAN’S BDAY IS COMING SOON SO THAT MEANS MY ANNUAL REREAD OF YELLOW.......... ( ͡°_ ͡°)

( also shit, i scrolled down my blog to get that face and then i saw this post again AND IM DYING AGAIN. IM VERY CLOSE TO COMING BACK OKAY COCO, PLS LET ME LIVE )

ALSO LISTEN???? I GOT REALLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT AOKISE THE OTHER DAY BECAUSE I WAS TALKING ABOUT REALLY BAD FANS WHO SHIT ON OTHER SHIPS BECAUSE ‘IT GETS IN THEIR WAY’ AND ALL THAT?? LIKE I GOT REALLY SENTIMENTAL AND MAD. AND THEN I STARTED CRYING FOR REAL WITH TEARS BECAUSE OF AOKISE, PLS???? NO????? THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO EACH OTHER AND I LOVE THEM BEING DORKS TOGETHER AND IM!!!!

and i think the last game movie had a part okay shut up i was so close to crying in the theater. (i forgot to reply to your messages so IM DOING IT NOW AIFSHISGKK) i mean aside from the fact that i forgot how ridiculous knb was, i got so emo because kise in the zone... and perfect copy and then hE SACRIFICED HIMSELF AND AOMINE JUST UNDERSTANDS AND TRIES TO SUPPORT BUT HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT KISE WAS TRYING TO DO AND HE APPRECIATES AND IM JUST AHFSKFJAJKDAJDMKNGJSFAKDHAFJSF

THE TEAMWORK WAS TOO SHORT I WANNA CRY. I WAS SO SURE THAT IT WAS LONGER IN THE MANGA???? (ALSO I MAY HAVE BEEN AWAY FROM THIS FANDOM FOR A YEAR OR MORE BUT I STILL REMEMBER VIVIDLY THE CUTE DORKY AOKISE SCENE IN THE CONFERENCE PART AND I WAS KINDA ANGRY IT DIDNT MAKE IT IN EVEN THO I KNOW WHY IT WAS CUT. TIME CONSTRAINT ISSUES BUT IM STILL MAD

BC AFTER THAT KISE IS GONE FOREVER IN THE GAME (im ok with it tho because it’s akashi time, and akashi needed this screentime and i got really emo okay) BUT IM STILL MAD BECAUSE THEY KICKED KISE OUT BECAUSE HE’S TOO OP

and then omg coco, afterwards i read my friend’s comment on this movie a few days later and they were saying that there was a lot of focus on kise (and also mukkun, which is true, and i appreciate IG for that) and i was like???????????????????????????????????

HE WASNT EVEN IN THERE FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME????????????? BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

maybe im like biased but like y’know, i think that kaga.kuro scene at the end made up for the lack of focus on the duo in the game because???? im sorry that’s gay and very touching, bUT VERY GAY.

(im totally biased because i dont even ship them that much because i was in the knb fandom for aokise 95% and midotaka 5%. but the scene is cute and very satisfying and left me blushing. so it says a lot okay)

and im glad that they chose to focus on mukkun and akashi, and i guess kise (BUT IT WAS NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH) because they didnt get enough screentime in the series especially mukkun??? IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM WTF, BECAUSE EVEN AFTER SEIRIN DEFEATED YOUSEN, HE STILL DIDNT SEEM LIKE HE WAS ENJOYING KNB. THE REASON SEIRIN WON WASNT SATISFYING AT ALL AND LIKE, THIS HELPED?? IM HAPPY THAT MUKKUN IS HAVING FUN

OMG COCO IM SORRY THIS IS JUST WORD VOMIT AT THIS POINT IN TIME BUT LIKE YEAH IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT KI-CHAN AND AKA-CHIN MORE OFTEN AFTER SEEING THE MOVIE AND I KINDA WANT TO REWATCH

BUT IM ALSO AFRAID OF COMMITMENT

I WOULD DIE BEING IN TWO FANDOMS AT ONCE?????

[stan-talent-dont-stan-me]

60 truths tag

Thank you for tagging me @kookmejeon !!

1. Nickname(s): Don’t have any :/ 2. Bias: wHaT iS a BiAs ??? 3. Blood type: i have no clue 4. Relationship status: single but not emotionally stable to mingle 5. Birthday: 26th of January 6. Zodiac sign: Aquarius  7. Pronouns: They/them, but i’m not too fussed, it doesn’t offend me because i’m not too sure about myself at the moment so she/her is fine :) 8. Hair length: V short, a lot of it’s shaved  9. Height: 5′2 and ¾ | 159 cmish, im not sure exactly 10. A crush: I have so many, i have real life crushes, tumblr crushes, celebrity crushes ect. the whole shebang 11. What do you like about yourself: My music taste  12. Right or left handed: Right 13. List of three favourite colours: Black, Sea green and gold 14. Right now eating: Subway cookies, god damn i’m living 15. Right now drinking: Peach water 16. I’m about to: Rewatch Yuri!! on ice bc I’m gay trash 17. Listening to: My Chemical Romance, throwin’ back to the good ol’ emo days 18. Kids: hell no 19. Get married: Idk maybe 20. Recent phone call: My dad  21. Have you ever dated someone twice: Nope 22. Been cheated on: Not that i’m aware of lmao 23. Kissed someone and regretted it: I don’t particularly like the people that I’ve kissed before but I don’t regret it 24. Lost someone special: Yes, but I try not to dwell on it 25. Been depressed: Yes 26. Been drunk and thrown up: No, i only drink at like new year and it’s still not enough to get drunk 27. Had glasses or contacts: When i was like 7 28. Had sex on a first date: No 29. Broken someone’s heart: I hope not 30. Turned someone down: Yes, he was a creepy fucker you can’t blame me lmao 31. Cried when someone died: Yes (applies to both fictional and real life) 32. Fallen for a friend: Current crush ngl 33. In the last year have you made a new friend: I have, i’ve made some really good friends on here recently and i love them all  :) 34. Fallen out of love: Gradually yes 35. Laughed until you cry: Literally yesterday  36. Met someone who changed you: I think everyone i’ve met has changed me, whether giving me a new opinion or perspective on something or on myself 37. Found out who your true friends were: I think so, i have a pretty solid group of friends 38. Found out someone was talking about you: like everyday, everyone hates me, it’s hysterical 39. Lips or eyes: Both wtf, but eyes can be super captivating so idk 40. Hugs or kisses: HUGS ARE AMAZING FTW 41. Shorter or taller: If its if i prefer people being taller than me then yes but it doesn’t bother me too much 42. Romantic or spontaneous: Both i guess, it really depends 43. Sensitive or loud: Depends on the sitch 44. Hookup or relationship: Relationship pls 45. First best friend: She’s moving away in the summer and i’m crying, we’ve only been friends for about a year or so but she’s definitely my best friend 46. Surgery: i had one when i was little to get a hell of a lot of teeth out but that’s it 47. Sports I joined: I used to do a lot but my anxiety stops me from doing team sports/ going to the gym or just being around people in general lmao 48. Do you believe in yourself: It depends on the situation, if i’m confident in my abilities then hell yeah, but if not then probably no 49. Miracles: I was going to quote Hot Chocolate but yeah i believe in them I guess 50. Love at first sight: Personalities matter yo 51. Heaven: idk whats that 52. Do you have any pets: One pupper called Razzie, she’s such a bean 53. Do you want to change your name: Yes and no, I love it because my parents picked it for me but 1) no one can ever pronounce it correctly 2) I hate it and 3) I am having an identity crisis, i have no idea what i want 54. What did you do for your last birthday: Went to Glasgow and just fucked around with my friends, had pizza and a sleepover and it was great 55. What time did you wake up today: 6:20 lmao  56. What were you doing last night at midnight: having an existential crisis 57. Something you can’t wait for: My @ask-kimdaily art to arrive and the preorders for her zine lmao also new Paramore and All Time Low albums  58. Last time you saw your mom: Like two minutes ago  59. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My crippling anxiety, I wish I had the motivation to help myself but it’s so difficult, I know i have the power to change but   60. What’s getting on your nerves: My lack of motivation and my school work, like who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have exams like who is she

I hope ya’ll learnt a thing or two about me lmao, and enjoyed the shit show

I’d like to tag these lovely people, I’d really like to get to know you all better! @exosmutxoxo @ask-kimdaily @minjinbiased @ahgaseposts @idolized-scenarios @b00bitch @bands–and–fandoms @tae-namjoon @kooks-gf and anyone else who wants to do this, tag me if you do! :) edit: if you've already done this I'm sorry, I meant to post it yesterday but I forgot to, I'm so sorry

[jasonvtodd]

Hi, could you recommend some great tv shows? The more the merrier, I'm really desperate for anything GOOD.

Yes! I’d love too :) 

Ok so no order but…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003) - yes its old school late 90′s, yes its one of those shows like charmed and other shows from that kinda era where when you watch it you gotta remember that for its time its ok for a shitty ass werewolf costume to not be laughable XD i meann. you can laugh at it if you want liike i do but id also fight to the death for it. also probably one of the only great/good things that has come from joss whedon. it has so many layers, so many things that even though its a supernatural based show… it deals with a lot of real life issues and mirrors them very well in a different unique way. also it was the first time they showed you a f/f relationship on tv properly and in depth, willow & tara, who shatter my heart just thinking about them ok. this show was the first tv show i ever got into when i was younger and started collecting the dvds every time i was out shopping i’d go searching down any seasons i could grab. honestly, 20/10 would recommend, always holds a special place in my heart and ive lost count of how many times ive watched it so theres that

Supernatural (2005-current) - like buffy, this show was the second show that i got heavily into. look. just ignore the fandom, watch the first 5 seasons when it was actually good and quality, and cry over swan song (finale of s5) which is the end of the show yes (cause look the creator kripke, only ever planned for 5 seasons and so he left after swan song cause he set out what he wanted to do. they should have ended it there but they didnt sigh) honestly the relationship between dean and sam.. their brothership is like… everything to me ok goddamn those boys would and have died for each other and i love them so very much. it was the first fandom i got into too online and lool honesly sorry if i have any mutuals who are spn blogs (fairly certain i dont though) but that fandom is insane, ridiculous and way too much so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ take that on board but please dont dismiss this show because of it, which is really what everyone else does these days but i cant even really be mad

Band of Brothers (2001) - ok… so… im about to talk about three shows (this one is one of the three… part of the hbo war trinity) which honestly mean a lot to me as well… but also cause of how heartbreakingly real they are and how important i think it is for everyone (who is ok with gore/violence/death etc) to watch as it is a part of history that happened and many men who gave up their lives so that we could all be where we are today. band of brothers is about history of easy company (and others) which were part of the 101st Airborne Division and their mission in WWII Europe and there part in it. its based on stephen ambrose band of brothers book and im just going to steal something from wikipedia here All of the characters portrayed are based on members of Easy Company. Some of the men were recorded in contemporary interviews, which viewers see as preludes to each episode. The men’s identities are not revealed until the finale. and honestly… is just such a masterpiece and all the actors took their roles very serious. they had to all go through a intense bootcamp with an instructor who did it for a living training all sorts of divisions and here i cried about it here before honestly if you want more info on it/more pain/reasons to watch it… go to @thomasflint cause this is getting long and i havent even expressed 5% of my proper feelings regarding it…. but when i rewatched it i was just yelling/crying nonstop via text to hira to the point where it was basically like she was watching it with me and then sh ewas crying too isduhfjdhf this show will ruin you man

Generation Kill (2008) - josh ray person is a piece of shit and id die for him the end

ok im joking only not really. but no ok this is marines It is based on the 2004 book of the same name by Evan Wright about his experience as an embedded reporter with the United States Marine Corps’ 1st Reconnaissance Battalion during the 2003 invasion of Iraq annd ive finally got my hands on the gk book, im not even halfway through reading it… and im so livid of how much they took from the book, word for word they did everything on point and its so great and all these boys from all these shows mean everything to me so im being repetitive here but… i love all these dipshits so much goddamn aisduhf all their dynamics are great and unlike band of brothers & the pacific… their commanding officers are going to get them killed for all the stupid shit they pull and have basically no experience compared to the men they’re supposed to be leading but these guys… my marines of gk.. are badfuckingass ok. like i was reading about the shit they have to go through and the screening process basically and god these guys?? i just?? click here and basically just read the first page of chapter one and the first two sentences on the page after it i just iaushd godd my guys ausdh also again, ask hira ( @thomasflint ) i quote josh ray person too much. if you ever hear me saying yeah homes, we pimpin … ya, blame ray. again, like all these hbo war shows i could write essays on why i love these shows but ill try talk about other shows too hi

The Pacific (2010) - 

#drink everytime emily says that

ok so this is during ww2 and the story of a group of marines who fought against the japense in the pacific and again, all based on real people who went through this themselves. once again, all the dynamic between the men in spite of what they’re going through makes it worth while… dont talk to me about eugene ‘doc’ roe or webster with his choclate oh ok wrong series thats bob but they should be mentioned ok or hoosier and his attatchment to a blanket and cuddling a dog to save it from being blown to shit or snafu opening shit for his boyfriend or never forget how fucked areyou now and ok since we’re sharing songs… gory, gory what a hell of a way to die and ok liike i am not really doing these shows justice by properly talking about them but aoisudh i just think they should all be watched if you have the time and dont get triggered by gore/death/violcen/etc (probably google for an extensive list of triggers but those are the main) or go get hira to yell at u about them too cause she will happily do so. and ok so these videos have spoilers buuut https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW1vxHrug7I and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhspHQGZLI ha ahahah im now bawling cheers hira you dickshit 

Black Sails (2014-2017) - no seriously just ask @thomasflint​ im getting tired of yelling  here iasduhfb shes the whole reason i fell into this gay pirates path with all the badass women and im so emo over flint and his lover isudhf 

ok so im too lazy now to cry about more shows in detail (though i do love so many more ok tv show junkie hi) but the next ones are still favourites and quality tv my friend

Sons of Anarchy (2008-2014) -A man in his early 30s struggles to find a balance in his life between being a new dad and his involvement in a motorcycle club.

Smallville (2001-2011) - A young Clark Kent struggles to find his place in the world as he learns to harness his alien powers for good and deals with the typical troubles of teenage life in Smallville, Kansas.

Warehouse 13 (2009-2014) - After saving the life of the President in Washington D.C., a pair of U.S Secret Service agents are whisked away to a covert location in South Dakota that houses supernatural objects that the Regents, an Authority above and outside any government, have collected over the centuries. Their new assignment: retrieve any lost objects and investigate reports of new ones.

In the Flesh (2013) - Four years after the Rising, the government starts to rehabilitate the Undead for reentry into society, including teenager Kieren Walker, who returns to his small Lancashire village to face a hostile reception, as well as his own demons.

Justified (2010-2015) - Old-school U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens is reassigned from Miami to his childhood home in the poor, rural coal-mining towns in Eastern Kentucky.

Nikita (2010-2013) - A rogue assassin returns to take down the secret organization that trained her.

honestly anything that is bolded here is worth looking into. hopefully there’s something that catches your eye here, otherwise jsut hmu if you want more information/emily crying about something

[transsteves]

1 through 50

AAAAHHHHH OH GOD OKAY WASN’T EXPECTIN THAT BUT OK FINE

1: What are you wearing?im in tracksuit trousers and a mighty boosh shirt ayy

2: Ever been in love?yes ugh

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?yes, even more ugh.

4: How tall are you?5'7"

5: How much do you weigh?last I checked, 104 lbs?? but I’ve been sick so that might have fluctuated

6: Any tattoos do you want?I already have two (sloth on my right arm, three dots on my left ankle), but I really want like… a spaceman in space in a bottle with “it’ll all make sense again” on a ribbon around it.i want quite a lot of tattoos tho and I want the right side of my body to be in colour and the left side to be all in b&w dotwork

7: Any piercings that you want?again, I already have a few (left nostril, right bottom lip, two in left ear, and a stretcher in my right ear), but I want my right eyebrow pierced maybe a couple times and I want the cartilage of my ears pierced like. all the way down and I’ve been playing with the idea of a septum??

8: OTP?I legit can’t narrow this down to one ok it’s impossible

9: Favorite Show?right now it’s stranger things. but like, long term rewatchability it’s probably the mighty boosh just because it’s fucking insane.

10: Favorite bands?SO MANY um. the classic emo shit that I’m sure you expect from me (bmth, mcr, fob, p!atd, atl, and others), but right now I’m really into like. emotional folky music?? like bright eyes, the boy least likely to, pixies, mumford & sons, someone still loves you boris yeltsin, and like a ton more goddamn just add me on spotify

11: Something you miss?I… don’t know??? probably mardy and mick right now. I wish I could see them.

12: Favorite song?aaaaa right now you don’t know by kaitlyn tarver

13: How old are you?18 years and exactly 3 months tomorrow

14: Zodiac sign?leoooo

15: Hair Color?naturally I think it’s like. really dark brown/almost black but it’s dyed pastelish green rn

16: Favorite Quote?homosexuals are not interested in making other people homosexual. homophobes are interested in making other people homophobic (stephen fry)

17: Favorite singer?DODIE DODIE DODIE DODIE DODIE

18: Favorite color?red/black, but then like… separately, pastel yellow/blue

19: Loud music or soft?separately, both.

20: Where do you go when you’re sad?I hide in my room

21: How long does it take you to shower?like 5 minutes. unless I’m dissociating, bc then it can legit be 3 hours.

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?15 minutes on a good day! but it takes me about 3 hours to actually get out of bed

23: Ever been in a physical fight?quite a few!!! I only started one of them tho and I think a lot of them can be considered beat downs instead of fights

24: Turn on?people just. being. adorable.

25: Turn off?PEOPLE BEING DICKS THERE AIN’T NO NEED FOR THAT

26: The reason I joined Tumblr?originally? fucked up shit, but that was like 7 years ago and I was a dumb suicidal abused 11 year old. but I came back for the fandoms

27: Fears?not much??? the dark a little, mannequins, dolls, puppets, but only in real life. polystyrene, balloons, and bad quality felt pens tho? get tf away from me

28: Last thing that made you cry?flashbacks.

29: Last time you cried?yesterday.

30: Meaning behind your urleLEVEN HOPPER IS NON BINARY AS HELL FITE ME

31: Last book you read?im re reading IT rn bc I’m motherfucking trash !!!!

32: Last song you listened to?sleeping with a gun under my pillow - the boy least likely to

33: Last show you watched?stranger things 2

34: Last person you talked to?irl? mum. online? eddskaspbrak

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?oh shit who did I last text// it was my step dad I had to edit this in my drafts for that

36: Favorite food?frozen sweet corn and pickled gherkins (separately)

37: Place you want to visit?Canada??

38: Last place you were?my… room??? like I’m there right now???

39: Do you have a crush?HFJFNKFKF I DON’T KNOW MAYBE WHAT ARE EMOTIONS

40: Last time you kissed someone?ummmmmmmmmmmmmm I have no memory but I’m gonna assume it was my last ex so like. a month to 2 months ago maybe

41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?my mum was being low-key transphobic

42: What color underwear are you wearing?I had to check but blue boxer briefs w/ red spots

43: What color shirt are you wearing?black

44: What color bottoms are you wearing?black

45: Wearing any bracelets?I got my fit watch and a dodie tour wristband bc I’m trash

46: Last sport you played?????????? I do not remember but probably boxing if holding the pads and flinching wildly counts

47: Last song you sang?seasons of love from rent

48: Last prank call you remember doing?I??? don’t know???

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?irl… halloween night bc Charlie came round and we watched movies and I’ve been sick since

50: Favorite movie?OH GOD UM I’m gonna like. do a few??? so the nightmare before Christmas, the rocky horror picture show, o brother where art thou, it (obvs), and deadpool