#lee harley keener

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

this is an IronFam prompt !

so basically the boys are being stubborn and both refusing that they are ticklish. Tony pins them both and proves them wrong

He's Ticklish

Summary: See prompt above :)

(Sorry this one has taken so long to write Anon 🥲❤️ Thank you for your patience, and I really hope you enjoy ❤️ :))

When Tony had made his way into the living quarters of the Avengers tower, he had not expected to be greeted by a screaming match.

"You're way more ticklish than me!"

"Wha-? No! One squeeze to your knees and you're done!"

"No!" There was the sound of a shove. "I could squeeze you anywhere and you'd crumble."

"Hey!" Another shove.

"Don't push me!"

"Then don't you push me!"

Tony found the two in Peter's room wrestling each other to the ground. "Hey!"

Both boys ignored Tony.

The older scientist huffed and stepped over to the two. He grabbed each of them by the collar of the shirt and yanked them apart. "Knock it off! Both of you!"

Peter pointed a finger at Harley. "He started it!"

"I did not!" Harley snapped back.

As the two tried to grapple with each other, Tony pulled them farther apart. "Okay, try again."

Harley glared at Tony. "Spider kid won't admit he's ticklish!"

The scientist deadpanned. "Seriously?"

"It's Spider man!" Peter lunged toward Harley. "And I'm not ticklish! You are!"

Harley grappled with Peter's hands. "No!"

Tony yanked them further apart. "Enough!"

Both sides feel silent.

"You two are seriously arguing over whether or not the other . . . is ticklish?"

"No!" Peter replied.

Tony gave him a look.

Harley huffed. "We're arguing because Peter is a liar!"

"I'm not ticklish!"

Tony sighed. "So you are arguing over whether or not the other one is ticklish."

"No we're not!" Both boys exclaimed.

The older scientist huffed. "You do know there's an easy way to settle this, right?"

"Yeah. Peter stops lying."

"No you stop lying!"

With a tug on each of their collars, Tony hefted the two boys toward Peter's bed. "Nope."

Both Peter and Harley stumbled forward as they were dragged along to the bed.

"What are you doing Tony?" Harley exclaimed.

"Ending this argument once and for all." The older scientist chucked Harley onto the bed.

The older teen landed on his back. "Oof!"

Peter squirmed. "Don't put his smelly butt on my bed!"

Tony scooped up the squirming teen and chucked him onto the bed as well.

"Ack!"

The older scientist then climbed onto the bed and pinned both boys with his legs.

"Tony! What are you doing!" Harley exclaimed.

The older scientist leaned forward. "Both of you are ticklish."

"He's the one who's ticklish!" Harley added.

Peter pointed at the older teen. "No! He is!"

"Enough!" Tony silenced the two then turned to Harley. "Pick a number between 1 and 10."

The older teen furrowed his eyebrows together. "What?"

"Pick one."

"I---I don't know! . . . Seven?"

Tony then turned to Peter. "Pick a number between 1 and 10."

Peter turtled into his shoulders. "F-five."

"The correct answer was nine." The older scientist attacked the teen's sides. "You loose."

Peter shrieked in surprise then broke into laughter. "What ahare yohou doihing!"

"Ha!" Harley smirked. "I knew you were ticklish!"

Tony turned to the older teen and dug into his sides next.

"Ah! N-no! T-tony!"

Peter smirked. "Nohow who's ticklihish?"

Harley wanted to retort, but he knew the moment he opened his mouth, all that would come out would be giggles.

Then Tony rudely dug into his armpits.

"NAH! TONY!"

While the older teen cackled, Peter chuckled at him. "Sehee? Yohou ahare tickliIIISH!"

The teen's retort was broken by his own squealy laughter as Tony dug into his armpits.

Meanwhile, Harley caught his breath. "Noho, yohou're tickliIHISH! NAAH!"

As soon as the words started to leave the older teen's mouth, Tony switched over to tickling his thighs. In response, Harley shrieked and kept trying to tug his legs out of their pinned position.

On his right, Peter lightly giggled as he caught his breath. "Noho yohOOOOU! WHYHYHYHY?"

Once the words had started to leave Peter's mouth, Tony wormed a hand under him so he could latch onto the back of the younger teen's ribs. This made Peter arch to the side and shriek! Tony was playing dirty.

Harley caught his breath.

While Tony kept tickling Peter, he just looked over at the older teen.

Harley glared. "He's the ticklish oOOONE! NOHOHO!"

Tony immediately switched to blowing raspberries into the older teen's stomach.

Meanwhile, Peter sagged into the bed.

After a moment, Tony lifted his head and just looked at the two boys. Both of whom were incredibly quiet.

"Now." Tony lowered his chin to look down at the two. "Who's ticklish?"

Immediately, the two pointed at each other and, at the same time, exclaimed, "He is!"

The phrase hung in the air for a second before Tony attacked.

The older scientist started blowing raspberries into Peter's stomach while his hand attacked Harley's thigh at the same time. The amount of shrieking and high pitched giggly threats filling the room made it sound like the two teens were being murdered by the scientist instead of tickled by him.

After a bit, Tony switched.

He dug his fingers into Peter's armpit while his other hand dug into Harley's ribs. The switch made both boys squeal in surprise.

Once he was certain both boys were tickled silly, the older scientist paused his attack and lowered his chin again. "Again, who's ticklish?"

Both Harley and Peter looked up Tony. They stayed absolutely quiet.

In response, the older scientist leaned forward a bit.

Peter got a bit of courage. "He---."

Tony rushed his head toward the younger teen's neck.

"AHEE!" Peter quickly turtled into his shoulders. "I AM!"

The older scientist froze, mere inches from the younger teen's neck. "What was that?"

Peter stayed tensed. "Ihi aham! Ihim ticklihish!"

"Good," Tony replied as he lifted his head.

"But so ihis he!" Peter immediately blurted out.

Tony dug into his side. "Are you Harley?"

"Ack! Noho!"

The older scientist paused. "Who are you?"

"Ihim Peteher."

"And?"

"Ahand Ihim ticklihish!"

"Yes." Tony then set his sights on Harley.

The older teen shrugged. "He ihIIS! WAITWAITWAIT!"

The older scientist froze with his face resting in the crook of Harley's neck. "Who's ticklish?"

"Me!"

"Who are you?"

Harley pressed his hand against Tony's forehead. His breath and facial hair was tickling already tickling his neck without him even moving!

The older scientist then dragged his head a half inch.

"AH! Ihim Harley!"

Tony paused again. "And?"

"Ahand . . . ."

Tony took in a deep breath.

"AND!" Harley pushed more on Tony's head. "Ahand Ihim ticklish!"

"Good." The older scientist lifted his head. "So, you two going to fight anymore?"

Both boys immediately shook their heads.

Tony moved off of the boys. "If I hear any more arguing, I will tickle you both silly. Do you understand?"

"Yes sihir," Peter replied.

Harley nodded. "Understohood."

"All right." Tony headed toward the door. "Have fun you two."

For roughly 10 seconds, the tower had complete silence. Then, just as Tony thought the two were finally getting along, he heard it.

"Tony is ruthless."

"Yeheah." There was some rustling as Peter moved. "Guehess we shouldn't have arguhued."

"Yeah." More rustling could be heard before Harley said "Could have all been avoided thohough."

"It could have." There were sounds of feet padding across the room as Peter added, "If you hahad juhust beheen honest from the stahart."

The footsteps froze. "Are you saying this was my fault?"

"You're the one who started denying first."

"No way!" The footsteps reappeared. "That was you!"

"Nuh-huh!"

"Yes! You started this whole thing!"

"No you started it!"

"No you!"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose.

[bkenber]

'Joker: Folie a Deux' - Yes, It Is That Disappointing

After spending too much time watching its critic and audience scores sink like stones on Rotten Tomatoes, I took the time to check out “Joker: Folie a Deux” at my local movie theater. Regardless of its horrific reception and the fact it is now one of the biggest box office bombs of 2024, I had to see it for myself as, and I am in agreement with Tony Farinella, the original was one of the very…

[emmedoesntdomath]

parkner fic recs

this is tech nick lee for @azraphael but we don’t gatekeep art in this household, so you all are getting recs this fine day. aza, darling, hope these suit your needs.

PARKNER FIC RECS

I said this last time, but I don’t recommend incomplete fics, no matter how brilliant I think they are. personal preference and all that. 

now-

crossing a distance by lavenade- pretty sure I recc’ed this previously, but bro. I have a lot of fics that I just consider canon for harley and peter individually, but this is them. like. it’s just them. I don’t know how else to explain it. 

Keen for Keener by Cinnarolly- it’s just harley and peter being insane about each other. if you read the post I made recently about harley being a country boy and liked it, this is your fic. 

a primer for the small weird loves by babyloveparkner- *insert frantic keyboard smash here* the fic to end all fics, really. I cry every time I read it. also, the author, the amazing @thompsborn, is here on tumblr. check her out. 

Tect Me Quarantine by ProsperDemeter- gay crack (affectionate). last time, I put this one on the personal favorites, hesitant on recc’ing, just because it’s utter chaos and delirium. 10/10. 

For the First Time, Eye to Eye by Sarah_Sandwich- the literal embodiment of genius dumbasses. comedic gold. author is also on tumblr, check them out. 

art of the game by volantium- rivals to friends to lovers to exes to lovers. it’s so good I want to scream. 

I definitely have more that I love, but these are the fundamental reads that you MUST consume, per Emme Rules. let me know your thoughts. 

[popentertainment-moviereviews]

JOKER: FOLIE Á DEUX (2024)

Starring Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson, Catherine Keener, Zazie Beetz, Harry Lawtey, Steve Coogan, Ken Leung, Bill Smitrovich, Jacob Lofland, Leigh Gill, Sharon Washington, Gattlin Griffith, Mac Brandt, Tim Dillon, George Carroll, Mike Houston, John Lacy, Sam Wren Vincent, Troy Metcalf, Jimmy Walker Jr., G.L. McQueary and Brian Donahue.

Screenplay by Scott Silver & Todd Phillips.

Directed by Todd Phillips.

Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures. 138 minutes. Rated R.

I know I’m kind of in the minority on this point, but I can’t even start to tell you how much I hated Todd Phillips’ 2019 movie Joker.

Five years later, here comes the follow-up, and it’s like Phillips said to himself: Hmm… how can we make this story even more annoying? I know! Let’s make it a musical. Better yet, let’s not even completely commit fully to the genre and make it sort of a stealth musical. The cast will start singing inappropriately, but mostly in a relatively subdued manner. None of the other trappings of the style – the dancing, the frenetic movement, the wild visuals, the boisterous chorus lines – need to be used. And we won’t even write our own music, we’ll just dust off some 60s and 70s pop songs and overly familiar standards from the Great American Songbook.

On the plus side, this time around, I don’t think I’ll be all that lonely in hating Joker: Folie à Deux. Because I really, really did hate it. If possible, this sequel is even more unbearable than the original. Imagine that.

I can’t imagine anyone actually liking Joker: Folie à Deux – then again, I felt that way about the first one, too, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Nonetheless, early buzz on the sequel seems pretty negative, so hopefully it’s not just me.

I take no joy in saying that. I actually was rather looking forward to the original Joker movie until I saw it. Because the truth is, Batman is a relatively dull superhero, but the one thing he always did have going for himself were the best villains. And a movie about arguably the most interesting of Batman’s villains could be amazing.

It’s just not this series.

At least the first Joker had something of a storyline. Granted, it was a pretty blatant rip-off of Martin Scorsese’s 1983 cult favorite The King of Comedy – they even cast that film’s star Robert De Niro in a major supporting role to make the connection even more obvious – but it was something of a plot.

Joker: Folie à Deux, on the other hand, is nearly two and a half hours (!!!) of Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) being psychoanalyzed and mistreated in an insane asylum. (Like we didn’t know he was mentally deranged from the first time he appeared on screen in the first film.) Then it switches to being a courtroom drama about Arthur’s criminal trial for the mayhem he committed in the first film, although it plays out like an episode of Law & Order: Super Villains Unit.

While in the asylum, he meets his one true love, Lee Quinzel, who becomes Harley Quinn. (Of course, in the first Joker movie, Arthur imagined Zazie Beetz’ character – who reappears here as a witness for the prosecution – was his one true love, so Arthur isn’t too reliable in matters of the heart.) Lady Gaga is okay, if way too subdued, as the future Harley. She certainly won’t make anyone forget Margot Robbie’s powerhouse performances in the same role.

My biggest problem with Joker: Folie à Deux is the same as my problem with the first film. In both of these films, the Joker is played as a sad, pathetic, miserable loser who has life take a massive dump on him throughout the entire running time. Is this really supposed to be the guy who is going to be Batman’s greatest nemesis?

At least in the original film, Arthur eventually snapped and went on a violent killing spree, which was not a great, moral or relatable storyline, but at least he did something. In Folie à Deux, any violence or mayhem which he commits is mostly done in fantasy sequences, which just makes him seem even sadder and more impotent in real life.

After it was over, someone who apparently enjoyed the movie much more than I did tried to convince me that Folie à Deux is a movie that shows the depths a man will go to for love. However, his relationship with Lee is so dysfunctional, so toxic, so driven by mania, that it’s hard to root for a happy ever after for these two crazy kids. They – and the world – are probably better off with them separate. We know that is not the case from the comics, although the ending does put that in doubt.

As I said in the original review five years ago, Joker has been known to inspire many complicated emotional reactions. Pity has never really been one of them.

However, even more than I pitied the Joker in these two movies, I mostly pity myself because I have now wasted about four and a half hours of my life watching this sad saga.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2024 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: October 3, 2024.

[elumish]

Sure!

Except nobody in this reblog chain before you was really talking about the gender of the authors (or about fetishization of M/M), and they were talking about the numbers.

And my point is that the prioritization of male characters (by authors of whatever gender) often happens even if there are more female characters--so it's not just the "lack of diversity" or even the lack of major female characters.

Let's take the examples I pointed to, because the numbers are actually pretty interesting.

For ATLA, there are somewhere between 9 and 11 major-enough characters who are of similar age to be shipped (Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Zuko, Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, Suki, Jet, and Yue) - (Jet and Yue are the two that are arguably maybes). Assuming all 11, that means that there are 7 female characters major enough to ship, and 4 male characters. We would assume then, if it was strictly about the "diversity", that we would find approximately 11% of fics were M/M, 51% were M/F, and 38% were F/F. Of course, because fics can be tagged with more than one on AO3, it gets a little hard to do a direct comparison, but what you'll find as of 9/9/23 is that approximately 22% of total ATLA fics are M/M, 41% are M/F, and 13% are F/F. This doesn't add up to 100% because some fics are double tagged and some are tagged to neither, but as you can tell, M/M far outpaces expectations, while F/F is far below expectations.

You could argue that only Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Zuko are "major enough" characters to count in the calculations, but I discounted that because Sokka/Suki, Mai/Zuko, and Azula/Ty Lee are all in the top 10 ships.

For Criminal Minds, if you look at just the members of the team who are there for at least a season, you get 8 men and 8 women, which means that, if I did my math right, you would expect 23% M/M, 53% M/F, and 23% F/F. Instead (with the same caveats as above) I found 30% M/M, 39% M/F, and 13% F/F. Similarly, M/M is above expected and F/F is below.

For Marvel, my point was more about the argument that people go with white male characters because they're "handed" to a the viewer in a way that female characters and Characters of Color "aren't". Let's take Harley Keener. Harley Keener was the kid in Iron Man 3, who shows up extremely briefly at Tony Stark's funeral. He gets some characterization, but he's definitely a side character. On AO3, there are 7,292 fics in the Marvel fandom tagged with Harley Keener. There are 3,274 fics with the Harley Keener/Peter Parker tag, even though they never meet in canon. Ned Leeds, who shows up in five films and is Peter Parker's best friend in those films, is shipped with Peter Parker 567 times.

Ned Leeds is Filipino-American; Harley Keener is white.

Clint Barton and Phil Coulson, while they have a couple brief exchanges (Thor, The Avengers), are never actually on screen together in the MCU. Yet they have 11,908 fics shipping them and are in the top 10 MCU ships.

Despite the success of the film Black Panther (as the sixth-highest grossing superhero film), T'Challa is tagged in 11,357 fics, and his top ship has only 507 fics. Shuri is tagged in 9,588 fics, and her top ship has 822 fics.

Carol Danvers is tagged in 8,820 fics, and her top ship has 1,074 fics.

Stephen Strange, on the other hand, is tagged in 22,334 fics, and his top ship has 6,697 fics. Loki, who has never had a film where we was the titular character, is tagged in 75,617 fics, and his top ship has 15,023 fics.

Of the top 10 Marvel ships on AO3, there are two women (Pepper Potts and Natasha Romanov) and no Characters of Color. Of the top 10 characters, there is one woman (Natasha Romanov) and one Character of Color (Sam Wilson).

There are absolutely conversations to be had about women fetishizing queer men and about how women are privileged over queer men in M/M publishing spaces. That's just not the conversation being had here.

It just kills me when writers create franchises where like 95% of the speaking roles are male, then get morally offended that all of the popular ships are gay. It’s like, what did they expect?

[dankusner]

CRIME DRAMA/MUSICAL

JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX

B- R (for some strong violence, language throughout, some sexuality, and brief full nudity). 138 minutes. In wide release.

For a movie whose global box office exceeded $1 billion, Joker , Todd Phillips’ gritty 2019 supervillain origin story, could not have been more polarizing.

The pro contingent, which includes this critic, appreciated its glowering social-realist spin and its adventurousness in observing Batman lore while tethering it to a morally bankrupt view of contemporary America on the brink of anarchy, cracked open by class and wealth divisions.

The detractors objected to its depiction of Arthur Fleck as a morally dubious, if not downright irresponsible, attempt to find compassion for the kind of aggrieved masculinity that breeds gun violence.

Phillips’ uneven sequel, Joker: Folie à Deux , will probably be embraced or dismissed for some of the same reasons. 

It doubles down on key aspects of the earlier film’s divisive character study by largely confining Joaquin Phoenix’s Arthur to prison or a courtroom. 

And its fantasy musical numbers turn jazz, pop and show tune standards into interior monologues of a sort, physical expressions of the person Arthur imagines himself to be.

The addition of Lady Gaga as Lee, the character who will go on to become Harley Quinn, adds a sprinkle of romance to give Arthur a lift.

Gaga is a compelling live-wire presence, splitting the difference between affinity and obsession, while endearingly giving Arthur a shot of joy and hope that has him singing “When You’re Smiling” on his way to court. 

Their musical numbers, both duets and solos, have a vitality that the often dour film desperately needs.

Given that Joker and the fledgling Harley Quinn see their criminal proclivities as theatrical spectacle, the choice to conceive the sequel as a musical makes sense.

But for a movie running over two hours, Folie à Deux feels narratively thin and at times dull. 

Built on more of a conceit than a solid story foundation, the film kicks up associations with everything from Golden Age movie musicals to auteur experiments like One From the Heart without nailing down a workable model to provide much shape or structure.

David Rooney,

‘Joker: Folie à Deux’ review: The Gotham jukebox musical, co-starring Lady Gaga. Millions of ‘Joker’ fans will haaaaate. I like it.

The average sequel to a huge commercial success doesn’t try much of anything. 

Director Todd Phillips knows this. 

He is, after all, the director of all three “Hangover” movies.

Surprise! “Joker: Folie à Deux” is a lot of things, but a pro forma sequel it is not. 

This genuinely nervy jukebox musical (?) (!), very nearly a rebuke of the 2019 billion-dollar smash starring Joaquin Phoenix, feels like its own thing, considerably less derivative and more fully realized than the first one. 

And it’s sure to outright alienate millions who dug the earlier film’s grinding intensity and morally queasy vigilante spirit.

That one threw several New York-as-hellhole movies, from “Death Wish” to “Taxi Driver” to “The King of Comedy,” into a trash compactor and out came the “Joker” script, made screenworthy by Phoenix, giving his all. 

It arrived three years into a U.S. presidential administration full of daily reminders of what celebrity worship can lead to. 

The time was right for a truly nasty foray into Gotham, and into the head-space of pathological party clown and aspiring comedian Arthur Fleck, whose perpetual victimization could only lead to carnage.

“Joker: Folie à Deux” makes Fleck pay the piper. 

It’s a comeuppance with musical numbers. 

Returning screenwriters Scott Silver and director Phillips begin with Fleck behind bars at Arkham State Hospital, struggling with his warring personality disorder, the tormented abuse survivor Fleck in one corner, and Fleck’s now-notorious alter ego, Joker, in the other.

Fleck’s lawyer (Catherine Keener) is working up an insanity defense for his upcoming murder trial, to be prosecuted by DA Harvey Dent (Harry Lawtey). 

Life in Arkham is no life at all, and Phoenix appears to have undergone even more severe weight loss in the name of his craft this time, all the better to suggest a broken, undernourished soul. 

Then, one day, Fleck spies Lee Quinzel, Arkham’s newest resident played with dark relish by Lady Gaga. 

She’s first seen leading a music therapy class. 

She fixes him with a gaze that says: I’m a huge fan of your work. 

It’s love at first sight, and a spiritual marriage of two crazy kids whose mutual ambitions of greatness are, to quote Rodgers and Hammerstein, bustin’ out all over.

Bustin’ out of Arkham, at least temporarily, Fleck and Quinzel paint the town, wreak some havoc and imagine themselves as a musical duo for the ages. 

In the stylistic vein of the film version of “Chicago,” the “Joker” sequel frames its production numbers as sung-through and sometimes danced-through interior monologues — sometimes realistic, sometimes fantastic, often a little of both. 

Gaga is excellent throughout, and this time Phoenix isn’t the whole show. 

Gaga’s original songs fold naturally into the film’s stream of standards, ranging from Jacques Brel (“If You Go Away”) to Rodgers and Hart (“Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”) to, inevitably, “The Joker” (“The Roar of the Greasepaint — the Smell of the Crowd”). 

Quinzel imagines herself a Gotham Judy Garland; at one point, this pair of born entertainers become Sonny and Cher knockoffs, hosting their own variety hour.

The storyline is spare to the point of invisibility this time, reportedly revised with input, musical and otherwise, from Gaga and Phoenix as production commenced. 

In the later courtroom sequences, in Gotham’s trial of the century, Fleck represents himself, apparently channeling Foghorn Leghorn; in Arkham, the inmates are always watching cartoons, with particular emphasis on that skunky predator Pepé Le Pew.

Daringly, the sequel forces Fleck to reckon with all he has wrought, and the rabid nature of his acolytes. 

Quinzel sees these bloodthirsty fans as crossover potential for her own aspirations to domestic terrorism with style. 

With the film’s canny reliance on the Great American Songbook, and the clever way composer Hildur Guðnadóttir interpolates themes such as the Carpenters standard “Close to You” into the background music, “Joker: Folie à Deux” is the arresting duets album Gaga never got to do with Tony Bennett.

So who’s up for a strange, disarming musical? 

As much as I hated the first one, this one works for me. 

Phillips’ second go at this malignant universe hews more closely in concept to Dennis Potter’s “Pennies From Heaven” than the classic Old Hollywood MGM titles either shown (at one point, our lovebirds watch the Fred Astaire/Cyd Charisse gem “The Band Wagon”) or musically referenced. 

There’s not much narrative propulsion this time, no steady build to Fleck’s righteous, Travis Bickle-y revenge. 

What we get is more interesting, and confrontational: A schism of a man, Lady Macbeth-ed by a heat-seeking, fame-hungry songstress devil, forced to face the music and the fallout of his own criminal celebrity.

The title “Joker: Folie a Deux” sounds like a joke, though it refers to a clinical psychiatric definition of shared psychological delusion, or “double madness.” 

By the time Zazie Beetz (Sophie, Fleck’s romantic obsession) and Leigh Gill (Gary, Fleck’s only friend) testify in court, it’s clear Phillips and company aren’t kidding. 

They probably know their movie’s not just simply not for everyone, but it’s not even for most of the first film’s champions. 

Given the frightening degree to which the 2019 “Joker” saga gave audiences what they wanted, can a morning-after mea culpa find any takers in 2024?

“Joker: Folie à Deux” — 3 stars (out of 4)

Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga sing but sequel stumbles

If the first 'Joker' asked if we could have empathy for the devil, the sequel questions if we’re ready to watch him fall in love, go through the emotional wringer and also put on a show.

Co-written and directed again by Todd Phillips, 'Joker: Folie à Deux' takes bigger swings than its audacious 2019 predecessor, a best picture nominee and the highest-grossing R-rated movie in history until Deadpool and Wolverine teamed up. 

It even has its own dynamic duo, with Joaquin Phoenix’s tortured Joker finding a soulmate in Lady Gaga’s electric take on Harley Quinn.

Not everything hums around them, as the dour and distracted but still well-acted 'Folie à Deux' attempts to be prison drama, courtroom thriller and supervillain musical all at once. 

With Gaga belting old-school pop standards and Phoenix tap-dancing like a madman, at least one of those aspects definitely works.

It’s been two years since failed party clown/comedian Arthur Fleck (Phoenix) became a folk 'hero' of sorts in Gotham City, putting on garish face paint and getting locked up at Arkham State Hospital for five murders (including blowing away a late-night host on live TV). 

TV movies and books have kept his legend alive outside prison walls, but inside, the grim and emaciated Arthur has lost his signature cackle. 

He listlessly takes his meds and gets hounded by mockingly merry prison guard Jackie (Brendan Gleeson) to tell jokes.

Arthur’s highly anticipated trial is about to start and with the state going for the death penalty, his lawyer (Catherine Keener) wants to mount an insanity defense and argue that it was a Joker 'personality' that did these killings, not Arthur. 

His mind becomes more interested in matters of the heart: in music therapy at Arkham, he meets Lee Quinzel, a disturbed songbird who set fire to her parents’ apartment building and is a big Joker fan. 

She tells Arthur, after seeing him kill a guy on national television, that 'I didn’t feel so alone anymore.'

Like in the first film, Arthur has showbiz fantasies in his head but they now feature him dueting with Lee on songs like the Bee Gees’ 'To Love Somebody.' 

The two share a musical connection in his real life, too, gently whispering 'Get Happy' lyrics to one another. 

She’s freed from the minimum-security ward to get her away from his 'bad influence' but plays a major role as Arthur and her alter ego see their day in court.

Phillips crafts a compelling narrative early on, contrasting gritty, cruel jail scenes with Arthur finding real happiness for the first time in his life. 

That momentum screeches to a halt once we get to the showy trial, as the 'Folie à Deux' then turns into an unnecessary retelling of the original movie, with certain returning characters and plot points. It does give Arthur a few moments of actual contrition, and Phoenix inexplicably channels Foghorn Leghorn when he decides to mount his own defense.

That first 'Joker' leaned nihilistic and toxic, if deep in its own psychological way. 

The sequel is also dark but there’s a hope and sweetness to it at times. 

That spawns from the strong chemistry between Gaga and Phoenix in quiet moments and in energetic song-and-dance numbers, as they rip through the Great American Songbook and tunes such as 'The Joker' (the Anthony Newley one, not the Steve Miller Band). 

Anyone familiar with Batman comic-book lore knows Joker and Harley have their extreme ups and downs, and it’s enjoyable here to watch Arthur and Lee’s bad romance come to fruition.

While 'Folie à Deux' embraces a heightened, even cartoonish quality in continuing the story of Phoenix’s troubled soul, Phillips really misses a chance to go full musical and do something truly different. Just dipping its toes in that genre, with those strong performers, is enough to drive you mad.

The Flat Provocations of “Joker: Folie à Deux”

At least the first “Joker” movie, Todd Phillips’s 2019 origin story of the Gotham villain as antihero, had the bravado to take its protagonist’s revolt to noxious extremes. 

The abused, neglected, and damaged Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix)—accursed as son, lover, and comedian—takes violent revenge that quickly wins him fans and followers. 

The movie’s spirit of antiplutocratic revolt is inspired by right-wing vigilante injustice; 

it’s a fascistic fantasy dressed up in egalitarian righteousness. 

In Phillips’s new sequel, “Joker: Folie à Deux,” he walks back the hectic ideology that gave that earlier movie its energy, however dubious; 

the sequel is merely innocuous, grandiose in its scale of production but minor in its dramatic substance.

“Folie à Deux” finds Arthur locked up in Arkham Asylum for the murders that he committed in the earlier film—three assailants on the subway, a former colleague, and a TV host, whom he kills live on the air—and awaiting trial on capital charges. 

(He’s responsible for a sixth killing, of his mother, to which he freely admits but for which he hasn’t been charged.) 

Arthur is the celebrity of the place, and he’s got the help of a capable lawyer, Maryanne Stewart (Catherine Keener), who has a plan to spare him the death penalty. 

She intends to portray him as not responsible for his acts, on the ground that he has a split personality resulting from the abuse that he endured in childhood—Arthur is the mild-mannered comedian, Joker the enraged killer who takes over at times of crisis. 

But before the case gets to court Arthur’s personal life shifts: at a music-therapy group session, he meets Lee Quinzel (Lady Gaga), a patient who’s an expressive and enthusiastic singer and is also a fan of his. 

Arthur and Lee quickly fall in love and, helped by sympathetic guards, forge a relationship which she resourcefully manages to deepen in the course of his trial, even as Arthur’s self-presentation as mentally ill, according to Maryanne’s strategy, tests the couple’s bond. 

(Along the way, Lee morphs into the character of Harley Quinn.)

The mainspring of “Folie à Deux” is music. In “Joker,” it was established that Arthur used to watch classic Hollywood musicals on TV with his mother. 

“Folie à Deux” displays the imagination formed by that experience: Arthur’s inner life expresses itself in terms of song and dance, in sequences that range from intimate duets with Lee to mighty production numbers on grandiose sets with large casts and flamboyant action. 

Where “Joker” was largely inspired by Martin Scorsese’s “The King of Comedy,” the templates for “Folie à Deux” are James Thurber’s story “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” (published in The New Yorker in 1939), in which a suburban businessman’s mundane daily life inspires wild fantasies of which he’s the hero, and “Pennies from Heaven,” Dennis Potter’s 1978 TV series starring Bob Hoskins, in which the protagonist, a sheet-music salesman, expresses his fantasies by lip-synching to classic-era pop records in staged musical productions. 

In Phillips’s film, there’s no lip-synching; rather, Phoenix (who’s hardly a trained singer) and Gaga (who’s among the most distinctive pop singers) actually sing.

That singing is one of the highly publicized aspects of the movie’s production: 

Gaga and Phoenix perform live, on the set, as the cameras roll. 

(They’re not lip-synching to their own pre-recordings, as is often done in movie musicals.) 

Some of the singing is on an intimate scale, in tight spaces and closeups, and Gaga does more than scale down her voice—she deglamorizes it, and even does so throughout, removing much of the vocal sheen and splendor in favor of a less professional finish. 

Strangely, the results come off as a directorial affectation, a willful cramping of her style. 

Moreover, the other prime aspects of these musical scenes, from their orchestral or big-band backing to the glossy pomp of their filming, counteract the spontaneity, the intimacy, the subjectivity, and the immediacy that the vocal performances are designed to convey. 

Whether the musical numbers feign realism (as when Arthur imagines strutting his stuff in the asylum’s common room) or range deep into fantasy (as in a mock wedding with a jazz-club gig attached to it), Phillips stays on the surface and lends them little physicality, little flair to match the songs.

The filming of music and dance may even be closer to the graphic abstractions and wild impossibilities of comic-book art than is the filming of action, however vigorous or violent, but the musical images in “Folie à Deux” fall far short of a comprehensive visual conception; they’re largely just commonplace visual recordings that, despite elaborate sets, offer little sense of style. 

(The booming instrumental accompaniments, submerging the singers’ voices into their enveloping textures, don’t help, either.) 

It’s as if Phillips were satisfied with evoking the idea of musical fantasy scenes and provided them with little identity of their own. 

His previous films haven’t been hallmarks of cinematic lyricism, either, but the tight tethering of the “Folie à Deux” fantasies to the plot, their prime role in displaying the protagonist’s states of mind, renders these sequences all the more prosaic.

The failure of “Folie à Deux” to get more from its two great lead actors than merely emblematic displays of emotion says as much about movies based on comic books, and about genre films as such, as about Phillips’s directorial choices. 

With their simplistic plotting, bare-bones psychology, and starkly plot-advancing dialogue, comic-book adaptations are made for the rough-and-ready B-movie or TV productions that they received decades ago—yet few directors not named Orson Welles could conjure on a low budget the extravagant universe of visual art that makes comic books so enticing. 

The films’ elaborate, likely expensive realizations, however, tend to govern the results: 

because the movies are costly to make, and because they must cater above all to the source material’s fans, the most important artistic decision-making is shifted, for commercial reasons, from the set to the boardroom. 

The anticipation of fans talmudically parsing details over the course of multiple films in a series gives rise to direction of overemphatic literalism. 

When a guard shaves Arthur to prepare him for a meeting with Maryanne (since an inmate can’t be trusted with a razor), he nicks the corner of Arthur’s mouth, and the tiny trickle of blood might as well get an operatic aria of its own, so blatantly is it emphasized. 

Fear the worst: 

I won’t spoil it, but when that trickle makes its reappearance, it’s in a scene of great dramatic moment that the underlined detail grossly cheapens and vulgarizes.

“Folie à Deux” is also a brutal story, involving wanton violence and cruel inflictions. 

The movie’s one scene of true horror involves sexual abuse, a sequence that’s appalling to see in its allusive generalities and to imagine in its undepicted specifics. 

This scene stands out for the anguish that Phillips puts into it, and that stands out in another regard, too—its seeming detachment from the action that precedes it and follows it. 

Even this noteworthy and emotion-charged scene can’t help but seem dispensed from a cinematic machine designed not to convey an experience beyond reason but to produce a commodity called darkness.

The film doesn’t let its events unfold organically; 

it pastes them onto the screen with a demonstrative obviousness. 

There’s one moment that sticks in mind as an authentic touch of life: when Lee, a minimum-security patient, meets Arthur, whose maximum-security protocol requires him to have his hands cuffed behind his back even in the music group—and, from his handcuffs, he extends a single finger to her for a handshake. 

In contrast, scenes of intensely expressed emotion (as when Arthur, alone in the asylum courtyard, lets loose with loud and anguished sounds that could be laughing or crying) feel calculated—in particular, for the display of actorly effort. 

Phillips has his cast strain for effect, but neither the script nor the filming rises to their exertions. 

In one major courtroom scene, Arthur speaks with an odd set of highly theatrical accents that are as accomplished in their eccentricity as they are detached not only from the film at large and the specifics of the scene but from Phoenix himself, who seems almost disembodied, filmed with a perfunctory inattention to physical presence. 

The movie feels not just planned but decided, and what happens while the camera rolls comes off as an afterthought.

Lady Gaga’s ‘Joker: Folie à Deux’ Promotion Is Boring Jason P. Frank

Why Is Lady Gaga So Boring All of a Sudden?

Okay, guys, be honest here — who broke Lady Gaga? 

Because the Gaga we know and love from press tours past is not coming out to play for Joker: Folie à Deux. 

Gone are the days of “there can be a hundred people in a room who don’t believe in you …” and monologues about Stanislavski acting techniques. 

In their place is an ugly red bob (pictured above), a new album ( Harlequin) that is just okay, and an air of overly pleasant earnestness. 

“It’s much more scary. I get really kind of nervous,” Gaga said, rather plainly, in a recent Vogue video while comparing releasing Harlequin with releasing Joker 2. 

“I feel super-fragile, which is probably unreasonable and silly, but yeah, it’s how I feel.” 

Then she laughed nervously.

Nervous laughter? 

The Gaga we know is a performer who, since starring in her first feature film, has turned promotional appearances into performance art. 

On the press tour for A Star Is Born, she performed a shedding of layers down to a vulnerable place through the power of Bradley Cooper from the Venice Film Festival premiere all the way through a perfectly performative and emotional “Shallow” at the Oscars. 

And it was great! 

Now, she’s having stripped-back conversations with Bill Gates where she just kind of talks like a normal person. 

“I tried to use the misinformation to make another disruptive point,” she told Gates when discussing her early days of press cycles when journalists would ask if she was a man. 

Clearly, she knows how to use the press. 

She must be avoiding her typical press maneuvers if the tour for a movie as big as Joker 2 (for a part as iconic as Harley) isn’t making any waves. 

So what gives? 

We have some theories.

Joker: Folie à Deux got mediocre-to-bad reviews out of Venice with critics specifically saying Gaga herself is underutilized. 

It’s entirely possible that after the sting of not getting an Oscar nomination for the similarly disliked House of Gucci, she doesn’t want a repeat of that arc: an intense initial press tour, followed by bad reviews, a laughably long continuation of the press tour to awards season, and then no Oscar nomination, leaving her with perhaps a tinge of embarrassment. 

Maybe Gaga is just cutting her losses and waiting to put out her new pop album. 

For what it’s worth, her co-star Joaquin Phoenix hasn’t made much noise either (likely to quiet all conversation about him after the Todd Haynes drama), which leaves the movie pretty undersold. 

Still, the Gaga we know doesn’t really like to do things half-assed, so this theory makes us a little sad.

Now here is a concept: 

Maybe Gaga is still in performance-art mode but doing what 30 Rock referred to as “normaling.” 

By noting the differences between the typical, artistic, wacky Gaga and the now-normal Gaga, we can see the holes in the very idea of normalcy that our culture creates. 

It seems unlikely that this would be the case as this has nothing to do with Joker 2, but maybe that’s where her muse took her.

The most tragic option possible is that, in the wake of being mocked to a remarkable degree through the entirety of the press tours for A Star Is Born and House of Gucci, Gaga decided it was no longer worth it to do press as performance art. 

We didn’t appreciate it, so she’s not doing it. 

But this would run counter to everything we know about her: 

She has made a career of proving people wrong out of sheer chutzpah. 

If she were to give up pretentious bullshit now, just because the entire world made fun of her nonstop for years, it would be entirely out of character.

Okay, so maybe Lady Gaga just grew up. 

She’s 38, and she’s engaged. 

She has been a public figure for a decade and a half, and her new song with Bruno Mars, “Die With a Smile,” is a massive hit without any real sense of arty pop auteurship. 

It’s a song people like! 

Maybe she has just outgrown the need to perform a character at all times. 

If this one is true, that’s fine, we’re happy for her growth. 

However, she has said her next album will be a pop album, and we’re certainly hoping weird Gaga is back in time for that particular moment. 

We want her stupid love again. 

We promise to be nice this time.

[ao3feed-friendsofspiderman]

MCU: New Hope

by EmiyaSora97

Tony Stark saw the end of the Universe, and how Peter's sacrifice in the events of No Way Home didn't work at all... So he accepted advice from the Infinity Stones to create a new timeline by destroying E.D.I.T.H., just to give Peter a new chance without Mysterio's damage.

How will this new universe be, will they have a fighting chance? Rewrite of MCU's Phase 4.

Words: 5251, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of MCU: Alternate Phase 4

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: The Animated Series, Amphibia (Cartoon)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Characters: Jubilation Lee, Kurt Wagner, Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Harley Keener, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, T'Challa (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Hank McCoy, Victor Creed, Charles Xavier, Carly Crocker, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), May Parker (Spider-Man), Happy Hogan, The Brotherhood of Mutants, Friday (Marvel)

Relationships: Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds/Jubilation Lee

Additional Tags: Protective Peter Parker, Good Friend Ned Leeds, Precious Ned Leeds, Good Friend Peter Parker, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, A - Freeform, Amphibia References, Spider-Man: No Way Home (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant With Movie: Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021), Canon Rewrite, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia References, Harley Keener as Iron Lad, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Ned Leeds

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43422363

[megafandomfreak]

“What’s a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”

[thena0315]

W.E.B. Program needs to happen in the MCU

W.E.B. Of Spider-Man Comics

Avengers Campus

[em-star-crossed]

IT’S BEEN CONFIRMED BY TY SIMPKINS HIMSELF: HARLEY KEENER IS OLDER THAN PETER PARKER!

“In case anyone wanted to know” -Ty Simpkins on his Instagram Live yesterday

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

IronFam Prompt! Tony makes breakfast for his kids (can just be Peter and Morgan but Harley as well if u want) but its actually disgusting and extremely burnt.. the kids make fun and tease Tony for his terrible culinary skills. and bc their now hungry Tony offers them some raspberries. ofc they say yes and Tony tells them to go wait by the couch while he finds them.... I would love to see your take on this prompt if you wanted

The Breakfast Fate

Summary: See prompt above 😁

(Okay, this is so cute! ❤️ I hope you like it Anon and I'm sorry there's not a lot of tickling ❤️ There's another prompt that was sent in that ties into this one really well . . . Maybe a potential sequel? 🤔 Enjoy! :))

When Peter and Harley had agreed to a sleepover at the Stark residence, a smoke alarm wake up call wasn't how they pictured today to go. Yet here they were, bolting awake at 7 am to the sound of blaring alarm.

Harley rubbed his eyes as he tried to untangle himself from his blankets. "What's going on?"

Morgan poked her head out of her blankets. "Are there bad guys?"

Peter jumped up. "No that's the fire alarm!"

Harley was on his feet in an instant. "In the lab?"

"I don't think so!"

While the two hurried out of the room, Morgan struggled out of her blanket nest. "Wait for me!"

Harley's eys widened as he scrambled back to grab her. "Come on Morgan."

The three kids ran out of the room and into the living room. Here the alarm was the loudest.

Peter covered his ears. "That sounds like it's coming from up here!"

"Then it's not the lab?" Harley asked.

"I don't know!"

Morgan covered her own ears. "It's loud!"

"Yeah that's an alarm for ya!" Harley hefted her up. "What triggered it?"

"I don't know! Where's Tony?"

Suddenly, a loud bang made all three of them jump. From the kitchen came a string of curses followed by another bang.

The three kids raced into kitchen to find Tony dunking a pan into a sink full of water. A loud hiss followed by a big cloud of smoke and steam followed up. "Friday! Turn off all fire alarms!"

"But sir, smoke is still detected in the kitchen."

"I know, turn it off!"

Finally, silence settled throughout. With a sigh of relief, both Morgan and Peter dropped their hands.

Harley spoke first. "What the heck just happened?"

Tony whirled to see the three kids standing in the kitchen. "Welp, morning everyone."

"Tony, what were you doing?" Peter asked.

The older scientist pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well I was trying to make pancakes and it did not end well."

"Obviously," Harley muttered.

Morgan giggled. "Daddy mahade aha mehess."

"No, I just burned a couple pancakes."

Peter picked up a piece of bacon. "More than just pancakes."

"Pfft! Wohow, the great Tony Stark can make ahany chemical compound, on the molecular level too, but he's baffled byhy eheggs."

Tony flicked a piece of charred bacon at the older boy. "Ungrateful."

"We appreciate the thought Tony." Peter dropped the bacon back on to the plate. "But we are making fun of your cooking skills."

"You don't even know how to cook."

"That's not true!" The young teen crossed his arms. "I can so make Ramen!"

Harley set Morgan down. "And without turning it to dust."

The older scientist arched one eyebrow. "You're pushing it."

Meanwhile, Morgan tugged on her father's sleeve. "I'm hungry Daddy."

"Us to Morgan, but we currently have no food to eat." Harley held up a burned pancake. "Tony burned it all."

"I didn't burn it all!"

"Then what do you call this?"

The older scientist crossed his arms. "Well done."

Morgan tugged her dad's shirt sleeve again. "But Daddy, what are we going to eat?"

The older two chuckled as Tony huffed. They were just genuinely having a laugh while not hurting their mentor's feelings.

It seemed like Tony enjoyed the laugh too as a wide grin overtook his face. "Look, I'm sorry about the food. To make it up, why don't I get us some raspberries and we'll enjoy them on the couch?"

Morgan jumped up and down. "Yay! Raspberries!"

Something about Tony's smile made Peter's spider sense tingle. "I don't know about this."

An arm was slung around his shoulders. "Come on Pete, would I deceive you?"

The young teen stepped out of the hold. "Yes."

With a huff, Harley yanked his surrogate brother toward the living room. "It's fine Pete."

"B-but---!"

"Don't worry Peter." Tony grinned even wider as the three headed to living room. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Yeah, that's not reassuring."

Harley playfully pushed the young teen's head. "Don't be such a worry wart Pete."

Morgan eagerly hopped on to the couch. "Daddy's getting raspberries for breakfast!"

Peter crossed his arms. "Why would he have raspberries?"

"To put on the pancakes," Harley shot back.

"But why?"

"Cause some people like to put fruit on their pancakes."

"But don't people normally put strawberries on them?"

Harley pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know, maybe they were on sale. Do you have to question everything?"

Peter crossed his arms. "Only when I have suspicions."

While the older two glared at each other, Morgan gently pulled her surrogate brother toward the couch. "It's okay Petey, Daddy won't hurt us."

"I know he won't hurt us, but there's other things he can do---."

Whatever Peter was going to say became promptly cut off by a tackle. The young teen thudded to the ground with Tony on top of him.

"Ack!"

"You were right underoos."

"Tony?"

The older scientist pinned him to the floor. "You should have been suspicious."

"Tony, what are you doing?" Harley demanded.

"Giving Peter some raspberries."

The young teen's eyes bugged as Tony rolled up his shirt. "Wait! Wahait! Tony nohoOOO! YOHOU JERK!"

The other two went wide eye as they watched Tony blow multiple raspberries into Peter's tummy. Peter had been right. The scientist hadn't been talking about edible raspberries, he had meant the raspberries that turned Peter into a cackling squirming mess right before them.

Peter squealed. "RUHUN!"

Immediately, Harley and Morgan bolted from the room with Peter's squeals echoing in the background.

Once the teen was breathless, Tony let him go as he collapsed on to the floor. "You good?"

Peter kicked at Tony. "Yohou suhuck."

"Funny." The older scientist ruffled Peter's hair. "I never heard you tell me to stop."

The tips of Peter's ears flamed bright red. "Shuhush!"

"What? Ihi think it's adorable." The older scientist kissed Peter's forehead. "But remember this the next time you make fun of my cooking."

"Ihits not myhy fault yohou buhurn everythihing!"

"No, but you can keep your comments to yourself."

Tony helped his mentee up as the last of his giggles died down.

Peter let out a playful groan. "Why mehe?"

"You picked up on it first. Plus you can use those webs to get away easier."

"So you took me ohout whihile my guard was dohown?"

"Gave myself a tactical advantage Pete." The older scientist gave him one last hair ruffle. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got two other kids I have to find."

"Have fuhun," Peter replied before pulling himself up onto the couch. "I'm gonna take a nap."

Tony chuckled and took off down the hall. "Sleep tight."

Needless to say, Peter slept through every squeal that followed.

[lifeofatypicalteenager]

Grace Fulton as a teenage Morgan H Stark, anyone?

[queen-0f-fandomland]

What if...?

What of the "what if..?" series just follows what happens to the other timelines?

[mculayouts]

Ty Simpkins as young Lee Berger icons (1). fave if you save/use. Credits are not needed, but appreciated. Twitter: @hollandsimpkins.

PSD: psd1278 by l_agalerrie   

[name-me-regret]

The Hoodie Borrower - Chapter 8

Summary:

Tony wasn’t going to get involved with the kid. He’d made a mistake bringing him to Germany. Then he started to realize that he needed to keep this dumbass kid alive. Yeah, that’s all it was.

Author Note: So, I got super blocked and I kept going back to methods of trying to get past it but it didn’t work for a long time. Yeah... so, sorry this is so late. Didn’t mean for it to happen. Thanks to Diana for her spamming and encouragement. You helped me, girl.

Read it on AO3.

- - - - 

 “When the night has come    And the land is dark    And the moon is the only light we'll see    No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid    Just as long as you stand, stand by me         And darlin', darlin', stand by me    Oh, stand by me    Woah, stand now    Stand by me, stand by me    Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me    Oh, stand by me    Woah, just stand now    Oh, stand, stand by me...“

~Stand By Me - Ben E. King   - - - -   Peter grinned as he read the text message that Miles had sent him, always thinking his friend was super funny. He’d just scored a DVD player from the dumpster a few blocks from school as he headed for the subway to get home. Even if it didn’t work, Peter was pretty confident that he could get it working once again.   Miles to go for road work: So... wanna hang out this weekend? I found this awesome cafe last time. Wanna get some food or something?   Peter bee Parker: Yeah sure, that’d be great. MJ likes cafes and stuff, and Ned is always down. Let me ask them if they’re free   Miles to go for road work: Oh, yeah sure. Lemme know.   All the way in Brooklyn, a teenage boy let his head drop onto the pillow with a groan. “Damnit,” he mumbled.   Ganke laughed from his seat at his computer. “Again?” Another groan was Ganke’s answer. “Parker is totally oblivious, man. You gotta ask him straight... well, maybe straight isn’t the right word for it.”   “Fuck off,” Miles grumbled.   “Anyways, what I’m more concerned about are these... new abilities of yours. What’re you planing on doing with them? Gonna become like that crazy dude on YouTube?”   Miles turned on his back and looked at his hand, flinching as electricity crackled along it. “I dunno,” he muttered, flexing his hand and tried to do it again only for nothing to happen. “I think I gotta figure them out first before I decide to do anything.”   Ganke hummed in agreement as he continued to type on his laptop.   - - - -   “Hey May.”   “How was school today?” she asked as he tossed his bag aside and put the DVD player he’d found in the trash on the table.   “It was ok,” he said with a bit of a shrug. “There’s this crazy car parked outside...” He turned to face her and froze when he saw Tony freaking Stark sitting in his living room.   “Oh, Mr. Parker,” the man said with a smirk.   - - - -   Chaos Squad   Peter bee Parker: Sorry guys can’t make it to the cafe! I’ll explain when I get back   Miles to go for road work well go when you get back   Michelle aka the boss has changed the group chat to Nerd Squad   Ned your boi: Type F to pay respects to Peter ‘ditches’ Parker   Miles to go for road work: F   Michelle aka the boss: F   Peter bee Parker: :((   - - - -   Peter groaned as he lay on the concrete of the airport terminal, not wanting to get up but he forced himself when he heard what might have been machine gunfire. He sat up, clutching his bruised ribs and lifted his face. The fourteen year old was horrified as he saw what appeared to be War Machine falling out of the sky, judging by the colors of the armor.   He staggered to his feet, stepping forward as if he would help him, but he didn’t have super speed and would never make it in time. Peter heard Mr. Stark’s desperate cry of the Colonel’s name moments before he plowed at high speeds into the unforgiving ground. Peter shut off the comm with a shaking hand, the other one still holding it against his abdomen.   “Kid,” he heard, turning to see Happy signaling Peter to follow him. He glanced toward the direction he had seen War Machine fall, before he turned and hurried away.   - - - -

Tony went against the doctor’s orders when they told him he needed complete bed rest. He knew he should be resting, because he was in such pain due to his cracked sternum from getting a vibranium shield slammed into his arch reactor in his chest. It had been like after Afghanistan all over again, and it was hard to take deep breaths without feeling pain, and if he coughed or laughed it was agony.   However, he had to see the kid home. He knew that Happy could have easily taken him home, since he’d picked him up four days ago. Tony had to meet with Rhodey and coordinate their plan or attack. It had been such a difficult thing to think about, attacking whom had once been their friends.   And he had almost let Happy take him, because of the pain. Then the image of being knocked out of the air by that giant hand had invaded his brain, Rhodey falling with frightening speed toward the ground. So, he had gotten his battered and bruised body up. As he dressed with difficulty, Tony realized that he never should have taken him into this fight. He was fourteen years old for crying out loud. Luckily, he was more resilient than he gave him credit for, but the imagine of the kid laying on the tarmac looking broken wouldn’t leave his head.   Tony picked up the kid from his hotel room and driven them to the airport. And even if he had been on it before, Peter was still so amazed by the plane and the seats and being in the air for the second time in his short life (fourteen!), and his guileless attitude eased some of the hurt (Don’t think of it).   Then he had fallen asleep, proving he was more tired (or hurt) than he was letting on. That was after eating three servings of the meals on board. Tony was looking through the newspaper Happy had shoved in his hand and was amused as he remembered how much the man had bitched about it.   He must have dozed off as well, since he was also still injured and exhausted (more emotionally than physically). Tony hadn’t even woken up when Happy had lowered his seat to a more comfortable position. It was as they cleared USA airspace that he was woken up, by several dozen beeps. He jerked out of his slumber and into a defensive position, feeling agony shoot through his chest.   The man bit his lip to stop the cry that wanted to claw up his throat, seeing black spots from the pain. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and Roger’s voice (which he’d come to despise) in his ear ’He’s my friend.’ ‘So was I.’ The shield, which had been made by his father and that had once stood for justice, coming down as if for a death blow as he helplessly-   “Oh, mood,” a young voice giggled. Tony’s eyes shifted to the right and came to alight on one Peter Parker, a smile on his face still plump with baby fat. He was looking through his phone and Tony realized all at once that the beeping had been coming from his shitty iPhone. They must have gotten within satellite range of whatever phone company May Parker had.   It took him another moment to realize he was staring, and that’s likely why the teen was giving him a questioning look. Tony cleared his throat before he spoke. “You’re certainly popular, or is it a clingy girlfriend?” he teased, hoping his voice didn’t sound forced. He was certainly forcing himself.   Tony was amused at the look on kid’s face, seeing the flush crawling up his cheeks. “I don’t have a girlfriend,” he muttered petulantly as he hunched his shoulders.   “A cling boyfriend then? I don’t judge. Free love and all that.” Peter’s face was pretty red by then and Tony felt like giggling. He was so easy to fluster, and it was a refreshing change. Peter wasn't like Steve at all, who would have shaken his head and ignored Tony.   Well, he supposed that he still wasn't use to Tony's antics, and gave it a month until he was sick of Tony. It was bound to happen.   "No, Mr. Stark. It's just my friends Ned and Miles. They're roasting me on Discord," he said with an eyeroll but a  smile on his face. It was a fond kind of smile that Tony hadn't worn since the days before the Avengers had become a thing. When it had just been Rhodey and him, and Pepper and Tony had just started what wasn't yet a doomed relationship.   "Oh, is that so? And what are they "roasting" you about?" he inquired, lifting his hands to do air quotes.   Peter giggled. "I can't  believe you did the air quotes. That's such a dad thing to do." He was distracted by another ding on his phone that he missed the stunned look on Tony's face.

No one had ever said he was paternal, in any way, and here was this fourteen year old having just crushed all that with one word. Granted, he hadn't  actually called him dad, but he had said he had done something a father would do (or did).   And even if it wasn't a big deal, since Peter had gone back to laughing at his phone, it was huge to Tony. He had no fatherly qualities and had no plans on becoming a dad, since his own father hadn't been... the best dad. So, he knew he would never make a good one.   As they dropped off the kid off in front of his apartment building, where he had laughed for the first time since before the Siberia incident, he knew he had to put some distance between Peter and him. He'd planned on taking the superhero teenager under his wing and teaching him the ropes, and perhaps he would be better than he had been; wouldn't make the same mistakes he'd once done. Now, however, after that one word, Tony couldn’t take the kid on as a mentee, it just wasn’t possible. He had to break away now, while he still had a chance.   Besides, he'd be fine. How much trouble could a super-kid get into stopping purse snatchers?   - - - -   When he had to save the disaster super-kid from drowning after getting tangled in his own parachute, he knew he couldn’t leave him alone anymore. Now, he had a new job, whether he wanted it or not. That new job was to keep one dumbass super kid from killing themselves.   - - - -   "Uuuugh," Miles groaned as he landed heavily on the concrete, spitting up a bit of blood which got on the mask he was wearing. He'd gotten the idea to use a Mexican wrestler's mask to hide his identity for now, since using a ski mask would make him look like a burglar.   Ganke rushed to his side as soon as he climbed the five flights of steps of the apartment building, breathing heavily. "H-holy... shit, Miles?" he gasped. coughing a bit. "Is... anything broken?"   He pulled up the mask, spat the blood in his mouth and lifted a thumbs up. Then fell back against the pavement, another pained groan escaping his mouth.   "Rip," his traitorous friend laughed at him, reaching out to help him off the ground. "Come on, enough with trying to kill yourself. Don't you have a date today?"   Miles elbowed him with a scowl. "It's not a date."   Ganke just laughed as he clutched his stomach. "Crashed and burned again," he cackled.   Miles only grumbled but didn't deny it.   "Is he still gushing over that Liz girl?"   When his friend's shoulders slumped as he sighed, Ganke only patted his shoulder sympathetically. It was one thing to try and ask Peter out and fail, but another to see him crushing after some girl from his school. Miles was hoping it was more that he was oblivious than him being straight. Because if he was straight, than he was screwed.

“This sucks,” he grumbled, Ganke nodding solemnly, even if Miles knew he was an asshole that enjoyed his pain. He didn’t know why he was friends with him.

“Come on, let’s grab some burgers. My treat,” he told him.

Oh yeah, cause he was awesome and bought him food constantly since his metabolism had skyrocketed like crazy.

“Then we can work out why you suck at asking out one guy to a single date.”

Also, cause they were roommates and it was too late in the year to change rooms.   - - - -   Peter jumped as his phone rang, fumbling with it for a moment and it was only his sticky powers that kept it from falling to the pavement down below. "Hello?" he asked uncertainly, recognizing the number but not sure if it was really Mr. Stark.

“Hey, kid, do you want to come over to work in the lab Friday after school?”

The fifteen year old was sure he was dreaming, so he used his free hand to pinch his right arm. It hurt. So, meant he wasn’t dreaming. “S-sure!” he sputtered before he could change his mind.

“Great. Happy will pick you up after school. I’ll call Aunt Hottie and let her know.”

He hung up before he could ask him how he had his aunt’s phone number, but he should have known better. He’d found him when he had thought he was being super careful on keeping his secret identity a.. well, a secret.

- - - -   Peter grinned as he put the finishing touches on his new web shooters. “I did it! I can’t believe I was able to make this all on my own-“

The canister exploded, covering him in webbing as he was flung back. He’d clenched his eyes and mouth closed, his senses screaming at him in time that he was able to spare them from being filled with the sticky webbing. When he opened them and glanced around, he realized he was stuck to the wall, arms and legs spread-eagle. Well, at least he could see, even if opening his eyes had been hard, but breathing was proving to be a bit difficult.

As he wondered how he was going to get out of this, the door opened with a swish and it was only cause he was already facing them that he saw them, since he was barely able to turn his head. Tony and a blonde haired teenage boy he didn’t recognize were standing there. He was super embarrassed, and also, he couldn’t breathe.

FRIDAY must have alerted Tony of this (he also couldn’t hear too well), because the man hurried over, grabbing a screwdriver on his desk to cut away the webbing covering his face. Now that he was closer he could kind of hear him. “Jesus, kid,” he grunted as he freed his nose and mouth, and Peter took in a gasping breath. “Is that better? Breathing okay?”

“Yeah,” he croaked. Peter tried to pull away from the wall, but realized he’d have to use his super strength to accomplish this, and he didn’t want to let this other boy know and possibly oust himself as Spider-Man. By then the other had reached Tony’s side, whom was taller than the man.

“Isn’t there like something to dissolve it?” he asked, eyebrows raised questionably. His dark blue eyes were almost like the deep waters of the ocean.

Peter shook his head when he realized he’d actually been seeing black spots. “Y-yeah, I think it’s in a jar in that drawer behind you.” The kid went to do that while Tony continued to cut away the webbing covering his face. His hands were shaking.

“Don’t scare me like that, Peter. I have a heart condition.”

The use of his name showed how shaken he’d been, and it was a scary thing. He’d been thrown against the wall, and that had punched out the air from his lungs. The webbing had been so thick that he couldn’t get any air in. So, Peter would have been in trouble if Tony and this other kid hadn’t come when they had.

By that time he’d managed to uncover his entire head and face, and the other had returned so he couldn’t say anything to his words. “Is this it?”

Peter had put it in a small spray can for easier administration, so it was easy for Tony to take it and spray it about three times and get him down. “The rest can dissolve in water.”

“You’ll have ta get in clothes an’ all,” the other teen said, and Peter now noticed his southern accent. It sounded nice, a real change from the usual New York accent, and Miles’s Brooklyn accent. He was wearing a black denim Harley Davidson jacket of some kind with a black hoodie under that, and some frayed blue jeans with some beat up sneakers.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he grumbled. There wasn’t enough dissolvent to get rid of all the webbing. He went to walk away and looked at him. “Um, nice to meet you. I’m Peter. P-Parker. Peter Parker,” he stuttered, feeling his face warming.

What a terrible first impression. This was almost as bad as the basketball covered in dog poop incident when he’d first met Miles. Peter just hoped this turned out alright in the end as well, and especially with him having a new friend.

“Nice to meet you, Peter Parker. I’m Harley Keener,” he said with a grin. “Hope we can become friends.”

“Sure!” he enthused, his voice breaking and making him flush even more. “I’m gonna,” he motioned toward the door.

As soon as Peter walked off, the blonde boy turned to Tony. “So, that’s the intern you’ve been raving about?”   Tony sighed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s my disaster kid,” he confirmed.

Harley nodded with a hum. “So, you didn’t tell me he was super cute.”

“Excuse me, what?”

“Since he’s your kid, does that mean I’d be your son-in-law if I started dating him?”

Tony looked at him and then pointed at the door. “Get out of my lab.” Harley cackled and simply ignored him.

- - - -    When Peter came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, it was to a pile of clothes folded neatly on his bed. He didn’t have clothes in the room that Tony had dubbed as ‘his’, so they must have been Tony’s clothes. When he saw an old but well maintained MIT grey hoodie, he knew they had to be. It was warm when he pulled it over the slightly baggy shirt and pants.

If he purposefully kept it, well, Tony never asked for it back.-

[happymagicbee]

Can Tony stark adopt me even though I'm a dumbass?