#learning more about spite
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/62834083/chapters/160877197
Title: As The Crow Fly's. Rating: E (Adult) Fandom: Dragon Age: The Veilgaurd Pairing: Lucanis/Rook/Spite Lucanis/Spite Rook/Spite Emmrich/OC Illario/OC Timeline: Sequel to Crimson Feathers Status: On going Summary: Things had settled down, Lucanis has solidified his position as 1st Talon of the Antivan Crows with Spite and Altara as his left and Right hands, now that the crows where accepting more contracts and Spite had become a fully fledged crow Lucanis hires a Healer, feeling an in house physician would be a good idea, he needed someone he could trust, someone discreet who would not treat Spite like an experiment, Dr Frances was just the man for the job, discreet, patient and kind he had an excellent bedside manner and was one of the only Healers Spite would allow anywhere near him. he was a good man and with permission from Spite and the help of Emmrich Volkarin, they learn more about Spite and how he came to possess a Body and perhaps the two mages grow closer in the process.
Amika Cantori is a flirt who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, after her humiliating attempt at flirting with Spite she tries to move on, looking for a distraction and happens to meet Illario Dellamorte, she has heard tales of him mostly cautionary, but she find's him intriguing he is as much of a flirt as she is and there is an instant attraction but is that all there is between them?
#fan fiction#crow politics#family drama#spite dellamorte#spite#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis/spite#rook/spite#lucanis/rook/spite#emmrich volkarin#illario dellamorte#original character#amika cantori#dr frances#emmrich/oc#Illario/oc#romance#antivan crows#writing#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age vielgaurd fanfiction#adult fan fiction#sequel to crimson feathers#spite has a body#learning more about spite#medical trauma#ossuary trauma#ptsd from ossuary#mystery
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Sorry, most likely my memory being poor, but I thought Malleus' mom (don't know how to spell her name and too lazy to check how to spell it) was already an adult when Lilia ""proposed""?? Like I was always under the assumption that it was like a one-sided child crush on somebody completely out of your league you tend to have as a kid 💀
I don't think they say how old she was? although it's entirely possible I just misunderstood; my Japanese is...shaky. :') the actual line is "幼い頃に私に求婚したのは偽りか?", which I read as "isn't it true that you proposed to me as a kid?", and took as her being older than him, but not necessarily an adult (like, I was thinking of Lilia as being not quite a preteen and Mel being preteen/young teen). although I don't know if there's a connotation or something I'm missing that implies a bigger age gap, if that makes sense!
(and of course, I might also just be forgetting some other line -- if someone else knows, then please correct me! I need to know which headcanons need adjusting 👀)
BUT YEAH in a canon-y sense, Malleus is 178 and around the third-years developmentally. which makes me think that even though dragons have a way longer lifespan, they go through childhood at about the same rate as most fae (or at least the kind that Lilia is) and just kinda...slow waaaaay down once they hit adulthood. so it makes sense in my brain that he and Meleanor could've basically grown up together!
...it makes it angstier that way, anyway. :)
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#this week on ego thinks way too much about diasomnia#(what do you mean you're not supposed to overanalyze the chronology)#but yeah mel was completely out of his league regardless#she was out of literally everyone's league#though seriously i think i just...narratively want them to be more equals?#because a big chunk of lilia's Issues were (and let's be real. are.) based on internalizing that he doesn't deserve love#and that he doesn't deserve to be around the people he loves#while mel is over here going 'you stupid idiot. you absolute fool. i'm going to go die for you out of spite'#(i do think lilia never realized she died to save him too and not just malleus) (but we digress)#i think it's a bit more satisfying if there isn't a big gap between them like that#(same for raverne) (assuming we ever get to learn ANYTHING about him) (please twst just a few more breadcrumbs i'm begging you...)#but ah well. the angst is delicious either way >:)#please definitely let me know if i misunderstood though! i need the character trauma to be Correctly Devastating. >:)
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the way the music died at just the right moment made this so perfect
#HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP#holy hell i'm brainstorming there will be an essay in the tags#da4#dragon age veilguard#lucanis dellamorte#taash#i love how that phrase became a joke between them and got this far. and with lucanis being first talon#plus if you have taash assigned with the crows rook and teia comment on making them an honorary crow#i genuinely wonder if taash actually joins them and how it would go down#because on the one hand i imagine lucanis can just immediately let it happen no questions asked#but on the other hand the crows are more than what they appear to taash and it's not like people line up to join the crows#ANYWAY ignoring whether it's a good idea or not-- considering caterina's probably not far from passing#and illario being locked away (in my universe) House Dellamorte is down to one (1) and it's the first talon himself#so what if - dare i say it - lucanis takes taash under his wing and makes them part of house dellamorte#because taash has lost their family. lucanis has lost his. lucanis has since realised a family doesn't have to be by blood#and so lucanis is like 'you could be part of the dellamorte family. if you want. I won't be upset if you don't- i can find another house f-'#and taash is just 'fuck off you're joking of COURSE fuck yeah!'#and i imagine taash would want to be his personal bodyguard and lucanis is like NO that's too much stress and things you'd have to learn#and be aware of. and taash is like 'okay but how many crows do you know of that can breathe fire to threaten people'#and then spite dramatically intervenes with 'YES! FIRE!!!!!' and lucanis is right back in Tired Dad Mode lmao#ANYWAY i have a lot of feelings about their friendship
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I know people are just joking around but the Anders Lucanis comparisons are sooooooo annoying. "why can't Anders handle Justice as well as Lucanis handles Spite" well first of all his writer hated him second of all Spite is wayyyyy more active than Justice EVER was they just refused to give Spite any teeth. I was so prepped to like Lucanis and Spite and hyped for a sympathetic demon character but then we got nearly nothingggggg from either of them in the actual game. I'm not even sure Spite is actually a demon LMAOO
i'll admit im overly sensitive about this because i have many conflicting feelings about anders as a character written to be mentally ill (often with cruel intentions!) but the posts i see comparing him and spite kill meeeeee. wow i wonder why a spirit of justice possessing a traumatised mage living in kirkwall is more difficult to manage than a spite demon who is exclusively portrayed as a chaos gremlin who wants to eat candles. i wonder why anders might have a more difficult time dealing with the situation in kirkwall than lucanis does in veilguard. i wonder why anders is more irritable and harder to get along with when he's friends with people who aren't afraid to speak their minds vs the guy who lives in the therapyspeak commune. it's a mystery.
#ask#anonymous#spite makes me so mad. that banter where he's whining that manfred has feet#... remember awakening justice learning about love. or da2 justice bursting forth when anders realised karl was tranquil#if you dont save treviso there literally isn't a conclusion to lucanis' issues you just deal with illario and everything is fine#i think if i ever replay vg i still won't even see lucanis' quests because the shadow dragons are just so much more interesting than#the crows. teia and viago are a step above antoinr and evka but barely. barely.
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Oh man, I binged the first 20 episodes of The Princess's Jewels a few days ago after watching a few review videos on it because I had to see just how bad it actually was, and I've decided to talk more about it here.
For the entire spite-fueled four hours of reading, i kept stopping to take screenshots to send them to @the-navistar-carol and then talk about how stupid a lot of the plot points were. I jokingly called Ariana a jellyfish based on her hairstyle, and the nickname stuck after Gen said "yeah and she's like an actual jellyfish by how the trick you into getting closer because they're so pretty before paralyzing you with their stingers."
I'm putting this under a read more because, as normal, I write a lot.
We all know Jellyfish sucks, but what gets me the most is the wasted potential of the guys (among other things). They are all so! Interesting! And they befall the same fate as female harem members in that their backgrounds and personalities all get set to the wayside in favor of fawning over the MC. They all come from unique, diverse backgrounds that don't get touched up on at all. For example:
Why did Efrit wear a mask all the time when his older brother didn't? Why did he say that "he finally found the woman he was going to reveal his face to" to Abal after he met Jellyfish? Is it some kind of cultural thing for the soldiers and warriors of Xek to wear masks until they fall in love? That would explain why his brother has his face revealed, cuz he's not a warrior! Why is the second prince in charge of the country's army and not the king himself? Why did he STAY the general of the army after he fucked off to another kingdom to become the lover of a foreign state?
Why was Haun Baek taken in by the royal family? The flashback of the queen giving him a new name implies to me that he may have been a slave of some kind, which puts a lot of perspective on why so many people were against his rise to power and disliked him. He was mentioned to be a general and head of the security division of the king, but as far as chapter 21 goes, this has never been brought up again. He's the Harem Pretty Boy who does all the work in high society for Jellyfish.
Speaking of fighting -- when did Jellyfish get a thigh tattoo to summon her sword? What's the backstory behind that? It probably has something to do with the 'swordmaster' thing (which is ANOTHER thing) but when did she get it? Why was she even allowed to learn swordfighting if she came from a seemingly implied patriarchal society? More importantly -- why was everyone okay with this? Why is it only the off-screen "evil old advisors" that hate her doing this.
Are these evil old advisors in the room with us right now?
Why are Nell and his family werewolves? Where did their magic recorder ability come from? This was just seemingly a power that he had that came out of nowhere when they were looking into Benela and her family. From the videos I had assumed he was a poor family that rose into dukedom after the war, but apparently they've always been? Dukes? And the other advisors still see the family as a threat? On one hand I can see where they're coming from, but on the other I don't think the comic is portraying them as "threats" the way I think they are. Nell and his family are seemingly treated like they were commoners who suddenly rose into nobility, rather than pre-existing nobility that fell onto hard times.
I want to know more about Jade and the fact that he's from a holy house from an entirely different country -- i cannot believe Ariana got away with that btw. Like im not even touching the gross overreach of power that is her demanding a noble not of her kingdom to be castrated, but more so on the fact that she practically coerced and stole a descendant of a saint and faced?? No backlash from this? None whatsoever? The gods and the people just let her get away with it because oh, it's an honor for this snobby empirical princess to come in and steal one of their chosen saintly descendants all because his dad pissed her off?
Like I agree that the dad was a scumbag, but Ariana calling him out on it is like the pot calling the kettle black.
Also, I wish Benela and her family were a bigger threat than TJP claims they are. Like, this is apparently the emperor's favored concubine who stole the love of the emperor away from the empress and successfully murdered the crown prince without getting caught. She's apparently some master manipulator but Jellyfish faces no trouble thwarting her at every turn. So what is it? Is she a master manipulator or is she a dunce? Or is the emperor just an idiot who doesn't care about his sons because with the way he treats them, you'd think they were bastard children.
The banquet "queen heel syndrome" scene gets me especially so because that was a good fucking plan!
Benela's plan to reveal and shine a light on Jellyfish's harem and how it was negatively impacting her image and high society was a good plan! That was brilliant! Because it had basis of truth in it. I don't know if the queen heel syndrome thing was a false rumor, or something she deliberately fabricated -- the comic never actually goes out of it's way to disprove it. In fact, I'd argue the QHS thing is *backed* by it, because just a few chapters prior when we first meet Benela, there's a side comment made by a noble woman about how her daughter was chasing after some man she was infatuated with.
But what I do know is that Jellyfish has been disgraceful towards her fiancé and that she has been indulging in her harem. By all accounts, by the implied societal standards of Arbezela or Azkaban, Jellyfish is being a whore. I am not one for mindlessly slut-shaming, but sometimes slut-shaming IS okay if it has a narrative purpose. And it does here. And Jellyfish doesnt even disprove any of their arguments, in fact she does a 1st grade level deflection and instead goes right for insulting Bavilo's lack of marriage prospects, which wasn't what they were talking about at all.
I'd applaud the deflection if it wasn't Ariana doing it, and if it wasn't such a serious and valid accusation that Benela and her family were making.In any other manhwa, this would have worked. This would have damaged Ariana's reputation, and it should've had some actual consequences to it. Instead they completely skip over this plot because the author knows that Ariana has no defense, she can't talk or excuse her way out because regardless of the truth behind the Queen Heel Syndrome, the fact remains what she is doing is inherently shameful.
Like! I am so mad that their scheme didn't work, because it! Was! A! Good scheme! All the best lies have some part of the truth in it, and Ariana should not have been able to weasel herself out of that so easily. In fact, the fact that she did just makes the emperor look like an even bigger incompetent.
Wanna know how this ended? It ended with the emperor blowing up at Bavilo because Bavilo said that he "could make it to the top on his own without the help of talented subordinates" and the emperor perceived that as a slight against him because, apparently, Bavilo was claiming to be heir to the throne? When nowhere in that sentence did Bavilo even so much as say or imply such a thing?
and also--- WHY is it such a bad thing that he's claiming to be vying for the heir seat? It's empty! The Emperor hasn't announced a new successor yet, of course Bavilo would say he wanted to be the crown prince. Nothing that Bavilo said was insulting towards anyone, and was actually quite admirable.
What gets me too is that right after this chapter, the empress claims that the princes are "illegitimate children" because they're the sons of concubines, and that if they were chosen for the role of "carrier of the light" people would question their parentage-- ???
First of all, not at all how concubines work. Concubines are a legitimate role in a harem structure and quite literally their job is to produce more heirs for the throne as back-ups in case something happens to the Heir Apparent. Like that's literally their job. They are official members of the royal palace, to claim that their children aren't legitimate is to claim that they're merely mistresses, not concubines. This was both an insult to the concubines AND the emperor.
Like my god I do not have the time to go into all of the plot holes of this webtoon. I haven't even gone into the total lack of consequences Ariana experiences both politically and socially, and how all of the interesting conflict happens off screen, nor the blatant racism and misogyny present throughout the webtoon, NOR the absolute SHIT worldbuilding.
#ariana de secramise#i cannot BELIEVE i remembered her full name right off the top of my head#the princess's jewels#the princess jewels#haun baek#efrit karsia#jade meldea#anti the princess's jewels#nell phantom#i love you haun baek my man you deserve more screen time and depth beyond 'pretty asian boy stereotype'. ur fight with ariana was so cool#nell phantom you deserve better than a girl who immediately forces you to wear a collar and publicly kissed you in front of a crowd#efrit karsia you are so cool i wish i got to learn more about why you wear a mask and why you are the way that you are#jade meldea you're the only fucking sane man in that goddamn harem you go boo escape the jewel box. gotta love his intense disgust for 🪼#raymond amber i dont actually have any thoughts on you i didnt even realize you had a first name for six chapters. thats also because you'r#literally the only person in the harem called by a 'jewel' name rather than your actual name. why did she call you LEMON?#ur last name is literally amber there that's a jewel name right there.#if i was benela i would've used the emperor's favor for ariana against her bc the man literally coddles her to death. i'd feed into his#delusions about Ariana being his sweet delicate princess who needs to be protected and how oh so mad the other nobles are at ariana for#corrupting their daughters. and dear emperor wouldn't it be better for ariana to stay in the palace for a while? send her jewels back to#their kingdoms until the rumors about ariana's lecherous personality dies down? and bc the emperor is a fucking idiot he'd fall for it#hook line and damn sinker. boom. ariana's been cut off at the knees bc her harem was doing all the hard work for her and now she actually#has to make an effort into doing things HERSELF and also change her dad's mind about her bc he sees her as nothing more than a delicate and#hapless maiden who needs to be protected by daddy's big strong arms.#like no wonder you cant just ask to be the emperor ariana. your dad doesn't see you as a capable adult.#starry's spite reads
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one thing I really love about Wilardo's conclusion is how Zizel being the demon associated with him is expanded on. because I think that was always the one people didn't fully understand compared to Charlotte and Ashe or Sirius and Lime
#the noel/rouge is obvious because of noel's whole deal of course#but then charlotte bets on ashe because it's a tactical choice (most likely to win. plus considering her life before becoming a hater...)#(and also something about ashe's family compared to charlotte's)#lime bets on sirius for the opposite reason (he's least likely to kill claire but when pushed far enough... she likes tragedies like that)#(+ something something lime wallows in her misfortune while sirius learns to live in spite of it)#learning more about zizel's thoughts on wilardo (and how purebred demons can't feel emotions the same way people/haters do) was fun#and - again - helps to make her association with his route not just seem like a “well they're the only two left” sort of thing#i love zizel witch's heart...#wh spoilers#bagel's rambles
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Following my usual daily ventures on X and Tumblr, I realized that there's two things that I wanted to address/bring up. So, as per usual: spoilers. /echo, echo.
— The Fade prison is still failing. It needed replacement (which is referenced on several occasions, but a big one is during the memory with Mythal that expands on the DAI scene), and nothing in current lore tells me that this has changed in any way: it's still failing. Nothing I can find says that it now being bound to Solas, who is decently weaker than Elgar'nan, magically 'resolves' that issue. Therefore, his 'atonement' doesn't automatically equate to an 'eternal imprisonment', even if Lavellan's choice of words for going with him include 'forever', for she simply doesn't know what she's walking into or for how long, and instead enforces this tether to him from the deepest form of trust one one else could ever find (heartbreak.mp3). The atonement lasts as long as Rook decides as they hold the dagger, or until the Veil falls on its own. But that touches on another topic briefly: if you want to 'punish' Solas the most, or longest— though this ending is 'kindest' (not quite), it is the one that keeps him in the prison the longest. The dagger trick (this warrants a post on its own, and it's the only one I have writing beef with, character 'bias' aside), or the worst ending(s) all send the lyrium dagger with him, which, has you wonder if he's then simply given the opportunity to slice into the Veil, and slip out. Does the prison need a host, if said host holds the lyrium dagger? And even if he couldn't what could he do from inside after 'Pride' has been taunted, and 'punished' (in Rook's, and the audience's eyes), since again, he is in possession of his dagger? There is no atonement here, only resentment from a spirit that is now even closer to finding its fully perverted nature of a Pride demon. So I think if speaking morally across the board, which option is really 'for the greater good of Thedas', instead of personal resentment (though understandable)? But in that, I like that we're repeatedly told that we don't know, and we're making it up as we go. Out of all protagonists, Rook's personal journey of mental development is the most intriguing to me, and arguably (in my opinion), is the most 'human' in the sense that I think they give us the most relatable options of choice, understandable/relatable resentment being one of them. But anyway, I digress: if the atonement ending isn't chosen, then I definitely think the story isn't quite concluded, even though I don't believe that it ever really is.
— Blood magic. No, Solas has no loathing for the nature of blood magic at its essence. He stated so very clearly back in DAI during a conversation with the Inquisitor in Haven, and the bit of the conversation that pertains to my point goes as follows: 'Magic is magic, just as water is water, but it can be used in different ways. (...) Dalish magic is more practical, not needing Chantry approval, although they still frown on blood magic. Superstition.' And when you ask him to elaborate, 'You said censure against blood magic was a superstition...' He adds: 'Most modern cultures forbid blood magic. Publicly, even Tevinter disapproves of it. But as I said, magic is magic. It matters only in how it is used.' And yes, I can already hear it, I know exactly what point will be brought up (lucky me, I found a video that touches on this exact topic that showcases both scenes): and I want to say firmly that no, this is not a retcon, nor is it Solas changing his mind, nor is this a total and utter lie (he rarely, rarely lies that fully, and clearly). He simply states that he abhors the use of it, as in— he, himself, despises using it; which is why he so firmly says no to Cole, when the notion is brought up in DAI. Now yes, he did employ the use of blood magic in relation to Rook (the extents, I need to do research on, as it's obvious that Solas absolutely winged that part of this 'plan', but all of it is also a bit flimsily written due to, for starters, the details that Varric shares being incredibly personal at times, but I digress), and I see so many on X and whatnot complain of how this means that 'Solas changed his mind', no— what it intends to show you, is the ferocity with which he believes that he, and only he, is able to fix what he broke. The game intends to show you that over, and over again, and it is to prove just how far a spirit can be pushed from where it started. And no, stop approaching Solas as if he is your regular elf next door, or anything but exactly what he is: a spirit. Trying to sway a spirit from its nature is incredibly difficult (we'll go into Mythal, and the nature of his care, and devotion to her that started the journey of his spirit's perversion, another day), and that is literally the explanation behind what people are calling an 'inconsistency'. It's called desperation, but more so, the strength of a belief, or more specifically, how far something that is akin to being... the 'personification' of a belief can go in, well, its own belief. I think Solas has proven that one can go very far. The perversion of spirits, and the reality of what demons then truly are, is a tragedy that Dragon Age has been trying to prove to us for years. It doesn't take away the wrongs that they can do once they get twisted, but it's tragic, because spirits are benevolent; serene, and peaceful at their core. And it's kind of heartbreaking to know that something so purely good, can be pulled from that nature.
#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#[ i'm not noting these as a solas apologist-- i'm not. i actually put a fair chunk of accountability and responsibly with him. ]#[ more so than i see big fans do. so i absolutely am not forgiving of his actions. but it makes me sad that it got to such a point. ]#[ that it could /ever/ get to such a point. because we still saw his nature as a spirit of wisdom in dai. ]#[ how he was content at people's curiosities and willingness to learn. ]#[ seeing those scenes again warms me-- because it's a small glimpse that you get in the midst of pride. ]#[ i 100% agree with weekes. to understand the character of solas and just how tragic the concept is of a spirit that goes down this path. ]#[ you /need/ the romance. it's not like anders in my opinion (for instance); you still get all of that tragedy without a romance. ]#[ but you absolutely don't with solas. so yes; i agree with them so much. weekes is right. ]#[ but i just. god. i get glossy eyes thinking about it. i condemn actions; i truly do. but i do so with a heavy heart. ]#[ because the more you read about spirits and /demons/. the sadder i get. it's the same with lucanis and spite actually. ]#[ he was a spirit of /determination/ before he was twisted into spite. but even spite itself says things at times that ruin me. ]#[ but also solas' “banter” at him in the end: 'it is a crime against you both. i may be able to separate you safely'. ]#[ it just hurts me. and yes. he gets a comment from spite-- of course. demon to twisted spirit. but it's taken. 'a fair point'. ]#[ but that too hurts me. and i think it hurt him. it's just the nature/reality of twisted spirits aaaAAAAa god. save me. ]#[ ... this is so full of typos. rip me. but it's like 3am. that's my excuse. ]#[ solas: meta. ] just remember; an enemy can attack but only an ally can betray you. betrayal is always worse.#[ solas. ] how small the pain of one man seems when weighed against the endless depths of memory. of feeling. of existence.
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"i dont care if people who havent read the books get spoiled for the show" <- words of a person i now want to bite and yell at
#BE FUCKING NICE#A LOT OF THEM ARE CHILDREN??? THEY EITHER HAVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO READING THE BOOKS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO YET#OR#ADDITIONALLY IT IS 2023. THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT AND MEDIA IS BEING ADAPTED FOR NEW GENERATIONS#TRY HOLDING SOME WONDER AND JOY IN YOUR HEART AND THINK ABOUT HOWW FUN IT IS TO EXPERIENCE A STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME#STOP SPOILING SHIT ON PURPOSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT CRIMES❤️#literally dont be a spiteful dick and stop ruining things for fun or because you want to gatekeep and have a superiority complex#fuck uou i would personally give ANYTHING to get to experience this story for the first time again#and watching people ruin in in real time for people experiencing it for the firdt time. i hate you#ypure all extremely selfish and shortsighted for doing this whole 'yeah but the books have been out for forever.. :/' bs#absolutely giving yourself away as a fucking clown with no ability to gain anything positive from shared joy. get well soon#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#pjo show#percy jackson show#pjo tv show#eeanpost#ALSO THE FUCKING AUDACITY FOR THE FANBASE OF A BOOK SERIES ABOUT KIDS STRUGGLING WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES TO YELL AT PEOPLE FOR NOTREADING#DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YPURSELVES ???? WHAT THE FUCK??? THE STORY IS MORE ACCESSIBLE NOW. THAT IS A GOOD THING. HTJSJJTJFJG
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Mairon/Sauron (Tolkien) Cosplayer + edits: me Photo credit: stevejensen65 Wig: Arda Wigs (Grace, in “Fire Orange”) Contacts: Uniqso (Sweety Crazy Red Demon Eye) Ears: Aradani Costumes (Sun Elf Ears) Circlet: PernCirclets (on Etsy) Gorget: Crystalsidyll (on Etsy) Leather armor: LederFantasies (on Etsy) Fangs: Scarecrow (Small Deluxe Fangs) Dress base is mass-produced/store-bought; boots are my own. In the brooding silence by the light of the moon Running through yesterdays gone wrong -- Poets of the Fall
#mairon#sauron#silmarillion#tolkien#cosplay#some more end-of-First-Age angst ♡#i really enjoy thinking about the period of time after he rejected eonwe's proposal and before he appeared as annatar in eregion#having to rebuild quietly; somehow find and consolidate all his orcs and other servants that were scattered across the continent#having to learn the layout and lands of a brand new world; keep up with the elven politics and who has established themselves where#working entirely alone; no thuri no gothmog no other high ranking former angband folks he can rely on#and all in secret and with the very recent memory of how melkor and all his works were brought down#rebuilding himself as well in the process#driven by genuine love for middle earth and by anger/spite towards the West and by compulsion/perfectionism; unable to stop#must have been very lonely and bitter work#hits all the best angst spots ^^#hira cosplays mairon
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hi I just discovered this wonderful Crowskull artist & all I’m now thinking about is soft romantic lucanis/emmrich gestures.
#[ 🗡️ ] ── * mun { behind the scenes } .#tbd#// how lucanis started disliking emmrich and distrusting him#// feeling as though he’s merely a case study to the mourn watcher#// & then as time goes on & as rook encouraged everyone to know each other better#// in order to achieve their common goal#// lucanis deciding to converse more with emmrich#// even about spite.#// asking the fade expert questions#// beginning to feel some sort of connection between these short moments of conversation#// & he’s probably learned at book club that Emmrich has had his fair share of intimacy and romance albeit nothing serious#// whilst lucanis himself tried once & it failed. that’s the convo pertaining to viago & the dagger#// both of these men never experiencing true unconditional love#// one with experience bc he has the freedom to & one without bc his occupation didn’t allow time to explore his fantasies#// & sure. lucanis prob had those passing thoughts for lust or intimacy or what have you#// but his main focus is his work#// and the moment lucanis felt something for emmrich after he wasn’t able to land his shot with neve OR rook?#// you know damn well he went for it. he’s not missing an opportunity again#// and once Emmrich reciprocated? he was entirely smitten. those walls lucanis fortified after leaving the ossuary? they’re cracking#// & emmrich is seeing the authentic side of a man bereft of affection he forsook
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nothing annoys me more than commenters asking for a new chapter and when i check their profile they have no published works. let me live my fucking life. thanks.
#i haven't written in months! this isn't going to make me write any faster actually its going to make me not write out of spite!#im having a hard time being a person im barely thinking about being a WRITER right now#jesus christ. when will people learn manners. next person that asks this on my multi is going to be sorry they commented#i got a nice comment today tho :)) i appreciate you more than you'll ever know#thea talks
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some people are so mean for no reason. which i knew. but still.
#specifically. as a bug lover. people go out of their way all the time#to squish a bug in front of me or tell me about all the bugs they like to kill and things like that#knowing that it upsets me to hear things like that. and then they make fun of me when i cry#i don’t get it i really don’t#one of my other coworkers called me down to look at the ‘giant scary bug’ that was allegedly ‘chasing’ her (it was a pill bug)#so i escorted the bug outside and she was like making fun of me the whole time#she then proceeded to tell me about all kinds of bugs she’s killed lately and even a baby snake#i thought i actually about to start crying again i couldn’t even politely excuse myself i haf to just walk away#and then she calls after me and i was like what. thinking maybe she might apologize for how upset she obviously made me#and she just starts complaining about how her foot hurts#maybe it was mean but i said i don’t care and kept walking away#and then she said she was going to go out and squish that bug just to spite me#like??? that’s just not funny. it’s literally so easy to be respectful of other people#like you wouldn’t make those jokes about a cat or a dog so why is it okay when it comes to bugs or worms or snakes or rats or any other#creature that isn’t ’appealing’ to you#it just really upsets me. the way people treat bugs and other animals#and then use it against me knowing damn well how much it upsets me to hear that stuff#and make fun of me for getting upset? i’m the ‘weird one’ or i’m ’too sensitive’#like it’s not funny. it’s just not. it’s fucking rude and it pisses me off#people like. my sister. are okay#i know she doesn’t like bugs but she respects that i do#so i try to be respectful in return. she lets me talk about my favorite bugs to an extent#and i leave out the details i know she’s especially sensitive to#i never just send her a picture of a bug i always ask if it’s okay first#it’s so easy to just not be an asshole i don’t know why it’s so hard for some people..#anyways. if you don’t like bugs that’s fine. i encourage you to learn more about them#because i think a lot of people just don’t like that they don’t understand them#but if you can’t then that’s also fine. please just don’t be a jerk to those of us that like bugs#this has been my rant for the evening thank you everyone for coming. dies.#snow.txt
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I love being inside my safe bubble of fandom friends, but it's always jarring to encounter a fandom person NOT from my corner of the fandom and see their hate-rant about a ship that my fandom pals are cool with (even if some of them don't ship it.) like wow i had no idea anyone could loathe a healthy well-written romance with that amount of uninhibited wrath. who hurt you, i'm just curious
anyway shoutout to my mutuals, you guys are so sweet and supportive, you're the best :)
#me: hmm if i'm going to write JFO characters in my medieval au i should probably browse the tag to learn more about the game!#me: *surprise attack throatpunched by merrical hate posts*#me (confused): people... don't... like this ship? people... HATE... this ship??#me (spiteful): *opening the medieval au wip doc* WELL THE JOKE'S ON YOU CAUSE NOW THEY'RE *DEFINITELY* GONNA GET MARRIED IN THIS FIC#i've moved past NOT shipping things due to fandom hate; to shipping things BECAUSE of fandom hate#it's spite shipping and once you get used to the concept it becomes really fun actually#like congrats haters you hated so hard i decided to start shipping a ship that i was previously apathetic to/wasn't invested in
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Now I will probably buy kotarou maghni when he comes out if not just to encourage the planned other vocals although out of all the virvox characters the teens are the least likely to be used very often by me outside of group songs. Now I do selfishly hope the next one announced is akashi because he's my second favourite and I Want His Voice. the bits I've heard of his vp has a lot of nice depth but also some really charming anime-boy-idol type of solidness which id really like using
#watch it be takuto just to spite me. i like takuto hes silly but again i dunno how often id use him outside of group covers#although i am intrigued because his vp does a lot of singing but usually in a totally different voice than his takuto voice#his vp seems to make a lot of indie bl stuff and voice in it all and his voice acting skills are pretty good so im sure itll be good#but i am intrigued#i would prefer akashi most tho. also sourins more voice acted deep old man voice sounds fun#and of course ryuusei. i would be able to make a lot of emo duets with ryuusei#but the a.i.voice2 bank is just about to come out and iirc the vp always has stricter rules about his voice#i think because of his vtuber agency or something i forgor#benbu .............hes in some manner of Japanese intellectual property rights hell so. well. yknow.#i do want these voices tho. i want them. to make my group covers. i want thrm to to sing my idol tunes#i am very excited for takuto voicevox because that means vv humming so i WILL be able to make#my more character-y very bizarre boyband group covers. i just learned a lot about mixing group vocals#im still bad at it but im getter better.... im gonna boybandify them like theyre my dolls
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poking at the regret prison reunion again, have a preview~
#I saw one too many posts about how Lucanis would Shut Down once he learned that Rook is Gone and he can't do anything about it#which would leave Spite to run around a whole lot#I might write about Spite's Adventures: Team Depression Edition but no promises#and I am not immune to “Spite purrs” propaganda#anyways you ever come up for air after over a month of drowning yourself via letting a demon pilot your body#only to somehow find the love of your life in your arms despite all odds?#unrelated being in the Fade as a normal person sure will fuck you up! more on that Later#this was the blurb that made me decide Renn uses Italian for her Antivan (“Hello my heart.”)#my writing#wip#DAV Posting
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ive had an. Intersting relationship with my aromanticism honestly.
#like i have KNOWN im asexual ever since 5th grade#literally i learned what the term meant and went Oh yeah thats me#i deadass didnt even know what the word lesbian meant at the time#i just knew that described me#but also. i thought at the time that it meant romantic attraction#i was young and didnt rlly understand what the difference was (and i know its very nuanced and hard to distinguish to begin with)#but ever since then i havent even questioned my asexuality. Im sure about that#but ive been soo back and forth on being aro#even to this day i question if i like people platonically or romantically#i start to doubt myself a lot and feel like im faking it and then i hear an allo person talk about what crushes feel like and i realize im#aro again though LOLL#i dont know. My stepmom doesnt think aroace people are real so i am very proud of myself out of spite#especially not aros#im just yapping here. I love being aro and the older i get the more i love it#i am in a romantic relationship with another aroace person and both of us are so confused and i think thats awesome actually#i dont care that i dont feel what people always described as romantic feelings toward others because i can love people in so many other way#if any other confused aros are reading this i love you. we are so cool :)
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