#learned my lesson when the gun control episode aired

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Miami Vice: Calderone's Return (Glaser & Colla, 1985)

This series has been defined in part by its maddening roster of guest stars, with the likes of Bruce Willis, Pam Grier and Dennis Farina in memorable turns, to name a few. I'm into the second season now*, but I wanted to come back to this one, as one guest star in particular has lingered in my memory: Jim Zubiena, who plays the assassin hired by Calderone to a number of his enemies, including Crockett. Zubiena, a professional shooter initially hired to teach Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas proper weapons handling**, was pushed into the role by Michael Mann, and his non-actor background plays a big part in his effectiveness in the role. Those other guest stars bring to their roles their presence, bringing their personalities and star qualities to the material. One of the reasons Willis is so memorable in his episode is that his formidable charisma is applied to a character so unheroic. (A weapons dealer who sells to terrorists and beats his wife. Just a bad guy in all respects.)

Zubiena does not have the same star qualities, so instead he brings a certain absence, of charisma, of distinguishing features, leaving only an eerie blankness. No humanity, all killer instinct and craft, a pure instrument of death. His appearance, curly hair, shooting glasses and a slight smile, causes any facial features to recede into the nondescript. His lack of allegiances, having worked every side of every conflict, give him a sense of total amorality. Even his weapons handling (the deployment of the Mozambique drill, heretofore unseen on television, and holding guns overhand to control the recoil) is simultaneously unusual and practical, operating on a hidden logic not spelled out to the audience, like the imminence of death in an Italian horror movie. Even when he's not on screen, he haunts the proceedings, a spectral presence with an unsettling void at his centre.

Unlike Brother's Keeper, this aired in two parts, with an interesting diptych structure, both halves being punctuated by off-kilter, unceromonious violence and ending with songs featuring soaring vocals (Russ Ballard's "Voices" in the first part, Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It?" in the second). There is plenty to enjoy in both, but as Zubiena only appears in the first, and the second depends on a relationship between Tubbs and Calderone's daughter that can't be fully fleshed out in the runtime, I can't help but prefer the earlier half.

*I've found the series almost uniformly excellent, with only two subpar episodes so far. "Made for Each Other", which makes the mistake of foregrounding the comic relief characters of Switek and Zito and as such plays with little tension, although it does provide the scene where Noogie's stripper girlfriend grabs him by the ears and shouts in his face "I wanna see Mickey Mouse!" And "Nobody Lives Forever", in which Crockett (re)learns the age old lesson of putting one's bros before their hoes, and which has the misfortune of coming after "The Home Invaders", which features more unpredictable and sadistic villains (and shows Castillo crack a case in real time), and before "Evan", which explores Crockett's vulnerability much more interestingly and tackling the subject of homophobia with unexpected sensitivity.

**Apparently Johnson took to it better than Thomas, and this was a motivation behind the latter's weapons of choice. You can hear Zubiena talk about the experience here.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I'm really fond of the Lena had an abortion when she was younger headcanon. Do you think she would ever tell Kara?

You know, I've been thinking about it, and I'm not sure Lena would be all that ashamed of it. It's quite possible she'd have been perfectly pragmatic about it, and be fully accepting of the fact that it's just another decision to make, and not getting bogged down in the morality of it either way.

However, that doesn't mean she would just go telling everyone. Like, it wouldn't be a secret, but also it just wouldn't come up? So I imagine maybe Sam or Andrea mentions it at some point and they're like "oh I thought you knew", and Kara is understandably upset because most of her experience of human culture is that abortion is this big life changing decision that weighs heavily on the conscience and is heavily stigmatized.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks, hurt and maybe a little angry.

"Whyyy would I...?" Lena responds slowly.

"Because I'm your girlfriend?? This is a big deal! It's not a burden you should bear alone!" But then Kara softens. "It couldn't have been an easy decision to make."

Lena looks at her oddly. "Actually it was."

Kara's a little shocked at that.

"Look, Kara, I appreciate that you're trying to be supportive, but-- it's not a burden. The situation arose, and I made the best decision available to me. I don't feel guilty, and there's no part of me that wonders if I made the wrong choice."

It surprises Kara, the candid and calm way Lena talks about it. Her girlfriend is notorious for overthinking, after all, and is emotional mush to boot. And yet Lena is dry eyed and unfazed.

Lena gives her a smile that's just this side of goofy.

"It's not like you were the father, darling."

That jolts Kara back into somewhat good humor. She splutters, cracking a reflexive grin.

"That's-- I know that-- That's not what this is about, and you know it!"

"I do," Lena affirms, slinking up to stand in front of Kara and loop her arms around her girlfriend's waist. "I love that you care as much as you do, Kara. Truly. But you don't need to care about this. It happened. And it's only a blip in my story."

With that, Lena disengages to head back towards the kitchen.

"What you should be worried about is where the last of my ice cream went."

Kara freezes. She knows exactly where it went-- in her belly.

"Uhhhh..." she stammers, sweating bullets. "I'm just gonna... go to the store."

Lena lobs an uh huh over her shoulder.

"How about a little super speed while you're at it?"

Kara's teeth nearly clack she nods so hard.

"Right!" She's already in her suit. "Back in a jiff!"

[myhauntedsalem]

10 Terrifying True Ouija Board Stories

1. Ask Zander

Oh Lord. I was about twelve when a friend and I were playing Ask Zandar (a board game with an electronic wizard that makes sounds and talks) when the batteries died. I tried to find replacements but with no luck.

So my amazing friend says “hey that Ouija board could be fun! Let us play and become possessed by demonic entities for all time”…or something along those lines.

We’re going along and asking questions, pushing the little eye around and having a grand old time. Until I say “if something is there, prove yourself”. THE MOTHERFUCKING NO BATTERY ASK ZANDAR WIZARD SAYS “Dun dun dun, you win!”. I flipped that board, tossed it in the trash, and absolutely refuse to have one in my house again.

2. Obviously Possessed

We were goofing off in a neighbor’s house playing with the Ouija board, and we asked a “demon” to talk to us (shut up, I know.) Five minutes into our “conversation”, the girl next to me vomited then fell off her stool and bashed her head on the counter. We called her mom and she took her to the doctor. She came to school the next day (with a huge knot and bruise on her head) and said the doctor said he didn’t know what caused it but she was fine, although she said she still felt a little funny. It was most likely unrelated, but I haven’t touched a Ouija board since, nor have I hung out with that girl since she is obviously possessed by a demon.

3. Night Time Visitor

The night we played, something came through and was calling me horrible names – I thought it was my friend doing it so I made my younger brother try it with me and it was most def not her, my brother was 7 and didn’t know about those words or how to spell them. I asked it to do something to prove it was real and nothing happened… fast forward to next morning, we were all sitting in the family room, watching TV when our fireplace (which we were not using), literally exploded into flames. We were all freaked out and swore we’d never use the Ouija again but, it didn’t matter, the door was opened.

After that, I had many episodes of sleep paralysis, things in my room would move on their own, something would come in my room and sit on my bed while I slept, I could feel it and see the depression in the bed.

4. The Gun Shot

Yeah. Went to this house that burned down with a whole family inside with 2 of my friends at 1 am. It was a still night, no wind or anything. We were in my truck doing the Ouija and it started to get mean, so we stopped, then it sounded like someone shot a large gun outside the truck window, and it felt like a huge gust of wind blew over us because the truck rocked, and then we all started freaking out. I tried to start the truck, and it wouldn’t go.

Then, we did it again at a friend’s house, one of the 2 people there with me the first time, and we were in the basement. Shit started getting weird again so we went to turn the lights on, and they wouldn’t turn on, and the basement door locked. None of us ever did it again.

I don’t even believe in that kind of stuff, but it was really creepy.

5. KILL!

I’ll never forget. I was 13 and my three friends and I wanted to try the Ouija board. It was the middle of the day, so we went into my friend’s walk-in closet where it was dark and we brought flashlights. We were just playing around. Eventually this “spirit” named Michael came on and we starting talking to it. Of course each of us starts joking that someone is making it move. But the more we started talking to Michael, the more it was apparent that none of us were pushing the navigator around. It was really creepy, but fascinating, too. One of my friends asked the spirit where it was in the present moment. It started to spell C-L-O-S when one friend hit the navigator off the board, started freaking out and screamed, “Closet! He was spelling closet!!” We were spooked, but in a fun way. The friend who freaked out wanted to stop, but we insisted that we keep on talking to Michael as we at least had to say goodbye and close out the session. We got the navigator back on the board and said we were sorry for interrupting him. He was not happy. He said to not do it again. Then for some stupid reason I asked Michael what was he going to do in the closet with us. It started to spell K-I-L and then the same friend threw the navigator off the board again and started screaming, “KILL! He’s going to kill us!!” and ran out of the closet. We all got really freaked out and ran out too. We didn’t close out the session so there was an argument between those of us who felt we needed to go back in and say goodbye so Michael would be sent away, and those of us who refused to ever touch the Ouija board again. We ended up not going back in and I had nightmares about Michael following me around and wanting me dead.

6. Look In The Shower

In seventh grade, my friends and I went over to “Mary’s” house intent on playing with her mom’s Ouija board that night. None of us had played with one before. Mary’s mom was an extremely spiritual person who believed in energies, witchcraft, stuff like that. Before we used the board, Mary warned us that her mom would be really pissed if she found out that we were playing with it because Ouija boards can attract bad spirits into the home. With full knowledge of this, we decided to proceed anyway. This Ouija board was not like the average Ouija board you had ever seen. Along with the usual characteristics (the alphabet, “yes”, “no”, “goodbye”), there was an entire array of symbols and signs that were all arranged in a circle. This was some seriously intricate stuff.

We started just goofing around and “communicating” with random spirits here and there until we finally met one that had us in tears the entire sleepless night. First, we asked the spirit if it was a man or a woman, to which he replied “M-A-N”. Then we asked how he was killed: “M-U-R-D-E-R”. That freaked us out only a little bit but we were mostly excited. All of a sudden, before we even asked another question, the glass goes to the eyeball symbol, then spells out “I-N”, and goes to the water symbol. We didn’t have a clue what that meant. It wasn’t too scary until the spirit spelled out “S-H-O-W-E-R” and my best friend realized that the spirit was trying to get us to look into the shower.

We froze.

I’ve never been so scared in my entire life, especially sitting directly in front of the bathroom with the shower curtain all the way closed, faced in my direction. We all screamed and promised on our friendships that we had not moved it ourselves (very important promise). I felt like I was being watched and my friends thought so too. It was only 4 of us and I believe with all my heart that none of them had moved it because we were all too nervous to do anything.

I’ll never use a Ouija board again because of how crazy and intense that night was. I understand that people say Ouija boards are controlled by your subconscious but f**k that. I know I felt something in that room with us. I know it was dangerous.

7. Get The Boy!

My friend had mentioned that she had one, so I asked her to pull the board out so I could check it out. At first she said no, but then agreed to do it as long as she didn’t have to participate. After she had the board set up I asked “Is there anyone in here”…. Nothing. So, being a dumb teenager I said “If anything is in here and not talking, you’re a coward”. The board was put away after that.

Fast forward about a week later and have me sleeping upstairs on my couch. I wake up on a stereotypical “Stormy Night”. Thunder and lightning, wind and rain..the works. I look around to see why I woke up and couldn’t see a thing, and decide to try and fall back asleep. After laying there for about 30s I hear from downstairs “Get the boy” in a very raspy, wispy voice. I open my eyes and listen… Nothing. Start to go back to sleep…��GET THE BOY”, it was MUCH louder this time. Then my downstairs door SLAMS shut. I freak the F*ck out because nobody slept down there and we had no drafts.

Nothing really happened after that… I learned my lesson.

8. Are You For Real?

A lady I worked with brought one in to play around with one day. We messed with it and didn’t really think it was doing anything weird or moving on its own. So my coworker goes to lunch and leaves me all alone at the store. I didn’t have any customers so I went to the back where the board was. I put just my index finger on it very lightly and said, “are you for real?” That thing moved straight up to yes on its own! I ran out of the back room freaking out. Never touched one since.

9. Answers

A few friends and I mucked around with ouija boards a lot as teenagers. It had always been harmless fun. One night we were “speaking” with a young boy called Niall who had told us he had been murdered by his father. We “spoke” with him for a while and then got bored of the conversation, “left”, and eventually tried again. We started to speak with someone we assumed was an elderly lady, when actually it turned out it was Niall again. Someone must have asked “what do you want?” because the ouija pointer spelt out “Satisfy my requests” and then continuously spelt “answers” over and over again until we freaked out and just abandoned everything: the board, the house, the street.

I have never touched a Ouija board since. Early last year, a few of us got together again (having all gone our separate ways since high school) and we brought that night up – and everyone swore again that they hadn’t moved anything on purpose that night. Of course, someone could still be lying, or we could have inadvertently been moving the pointer without realizing, but just remembering the force of the pointer moving so rapidly – and what it spelt out – freaked me out enough not to want to mess with it again… just in case.

10. The Eagle

One of my best experiences involved talking with a spirit of air, which happened back when I believed only in the mental aspect of magic, and thought that the ‘spirits’ I was talking to were were just parts of my psyche. To test this I asked the spirit to show some kind of sign of its existence, which I did not expect to manifest. When I asked this a huge eagle (birds being part of an air spirit’s domain) landed right outside my window, stared at me, like, really stared into my eyes, looked down at the board and flew away. Maybe it was coincidence, but I closed down the communication, did a Rose Cross Banishing ritual and noped the fuck away from magic for a while. Good Times.

[kaijuguy19]

The Final Episode of Georgie Bears Fables.

If you were to ask me what my favorite show was in my childhood, my answer would always be the Georgie Bear Fables show. At least it was for the longest time but I'm getting ahead of myself. You see the show is a stop motion cartoon show that ran in the late 60's to early 70's that deals with a bear cub named Georgie who always goes to the park's ranger named Ranger Watchman who gives out wise fables about life lessons and how to be a better person with the occasional cartoon humor thrown in. It holds a special place in my hearts because of how it got me and my family through tough times with financial struggles and people putting us down any chance they get. We were able get VHS tapes when he had the means to do so to help take our minds off of them until we eventually found a way to have our lives stable. We enjoyed the different fun stories that Ranger Watchmen told such as how Dudley Duck found out the hard way of not letting fear cloud out better judgement and how the clumsy antics of Leo and Crocky taught us to be mindful of our actions unintentional as some of them are. As I grew older I was able to find more info about the behind the scenes making of the show online. Apparently there was a planned finale of the series but the series creator died all of the sudden. What made it mysterious was that he seemed to be strangled yet no traces of a struggle or hand marks were present on his throat. Some theorized he killed himself but he showed no depression from the interviews and documentaries I've seen of him since he always came across as being quite happy. Regardless the finale was never made and the series just ended right there and then. I didn't think much of it at the time since some series ended without any real ending happening.....That is until about a month ago. I work as a security guard in my town's local museum, and while it's not the most ideal job I'd admit, it does help pay the bills especially if you're a 27 year old guy like me trying to keep afloat. The Museum last month was hosting to my wonderful surprise an exhibit of The Georgie Bear Fables show dealing with the wonderful history of the series along with never before seen in public props and models. In my time as security guard there, it gave me delight to be able to see the actual models and props from my favorite series be put on display and I was looking forward to cherish the moment of seeing up close before it eventually closes. It was the night before the grand opening of the exhibit and I was lucky to be the one keeping guard on it. I spent my time looking at the monitors at the exhibit while of course keeping an out on the other exhibits. It was only a few minutes when I saw something move quickly on the monitor that was focused on one of the glass frames at the Georgie Bear exhibit. Getting my attention I played back the video slowly to see what was running but oddly enough I still wasn't able to tell what it was. Arming myself with my gun and baton stick, I went outside my office and right to the exhibit that was located at my right. The bright yellow banner that reads "Georgie Bear's Fables Exhibit where the timeless lessons are shown right in front of your eyes!" hung over my head at the enterance as I walked inside it. I looked around me to see all of the props and models I've remembered since childhood. The green hills and cabin house that Ranger Watchman resided in are given a special display which made me smile. I looked inside the glass cabnets as I see the many characters I remembered seeing on the show. There was Ms, Warthog with her bonnet and sash, Bonkers the Bear with his trench coat and glasses, and the fox triplets with their slingshots in hand. That being said I noticed that there some characters that were missing. Two of which are the mains stars of the series which surprised me since the whole exhibit was mostly about them. I then figured that it was likely because they didn't get to everyone yet and they needed to do some last minute setting up before the opening. As I looked at some of the concept art of the characters I heard the scuffling again behind me and I tried to catch it but again no luck. Sighing in frustration I walked around more of the room, trying to find clues to see who the hell was making that running around. I prayed that it was only a rat and if worse case secnerio a kid with an annoying way to get a laugh. I turned left after hearing the running yet again and walked over to the corner only to find a room up ahead that says "Georgie's Picture show room!" I went inside it to find myself in a mini theater with a projection on the back of the room,and rows of seats lined up in front of the projection screen. Placed next to the projection was film reels of the many cartoon episodes of the series. I guessed that it was to both entertain the kids and relieve nostalgia for the parents. As I was about to leave I've noticed that something wasn't right with one of the wall tiles. It seemed a bit crooked like someone was rushing to get it finished before work. "Talk about sloppy." I muttered as I went over to see if I could adjust it a bit before people come in but when I tried to, it fell on the floor flat cracking in two. I looked inside the hole where the tile was placed in and noticed a film reel canister with chains all around it. That in itself was bizarre but what it more bizarre was what the title was. Georgie Bear's Final Fable. I quickly grabbed a hold of it and stared at the reel canister carefully to see if I wasn't seeing things or not. Yes it did indeed say that. Plenty of questions rushed through my mind such as "Was this really the series finale?" "Why didn't they air this?" and "Why the hell did they try to hide it like this?" as I looked at it. Perhaps it was my eagerness or wanting to know why they kept it hidden but either way I wanted to see it and understand why it was kept hidden. Noticing a weak link in the chain, I was able to crack it apart and carefully pry the canister open. Upon doing so dust came out of it, making me cough. I looked at the age old reel, feeling excitement and curiosity flowing over me as I cleaned it up a bit. I placed the reel inside the projection and turned it on. The familiar title and theme song came on as I saw the smiling faces of both Georgie Bear and Ranger Watchman as they greeted the viewer which in this case was me. I took a seat to see it play on. The episode opens with a middle aged Ranger dressed in his trademarked green uniform tending a garden filled with flowers and crops of fruits and vegetables alike. His face was sweaty yet his expression was content as he ran his hand through his thick orange hair as he took a drink of lemonade to refresh himself. This was of course Ranger Watchman looking friendly and wise as one can imagine. Just then a bear cub who's reddish brown fur gleamed in the sunlight as he ran to the ranger's house making sure that his raccoon skin hat doesn't fly off his head. "Ah Georgie!" the ranger said with a smile. "Little late today aren't we?" "Yeah sorry about that Ranger Watchman!" Georgie said as he plopped himself on his stump seat. "I was having a little bump in the road as I was visiting you!" "I see. Care to tell me about it?" Ranger Watchman asked as he handed Georgie a cup of lemonade. "Sure thing and thanks for the lemonade!" Georgie replied as he sipped. "There was this darn boulder blocking my way and I tried to find ways to get around it such as prying up over with a branch, pushing it, and even lifting it up!" "Lifting it up?" Ranger Watchman asked with an amused look. "Quite a feat for a growing cub like yourself son." "Yeah. I guess I now know I won't be the next Hercules." Georgie sighed. "I finally just found a way to walk around it but it gave me a thought to sir." "What would that be?" The ranger inquired. "It's that I'm not sure if I'm gonna learn everything when I grow up even with your help Ranger Watchman! I mean I tried to use everything such as being patient ,controlling your temper and all of that!" Georgie said with a frustrated tone in his voice. Seeing that part made feel sympathy for Georgie since I can very well understand what it was like to be in that position. "Well you did use your smarts Georgie." the Ranger said with an understanding look. "What mattered in the end was that you stopped and figured out a solution that helped you out in the end." "That's true." Georgie said "Still It'd help a lot if I actually learned about everything out there." "Is that so?" the ranger said with an odd expression in his face. "Well son a lot of us think that but truth be told trying to learn everything ain't exactly going to do you much good actually." I stared at the ranger when he said that. Granted he did his fair share of odd remarks but this was strange even by his standards. "What do you mean?" Georgie asked in confusion. "Why not just sit back and relax Georgie." Ranger Watchman said, sipping more of his lemonade. "It's time I tell you a fable concerning trying to learn everything." The screen went black as the classic happy music kicked in to reveal the title of the episode called "Mr Mammon's Magic Folly" It then opened to reveal a fancy rich person's house with plenty of statues and trees surrounding it. Ranger Watchman's voice came over it as he narrates the story. "There was once a rich bear named Barnabas Mammon. Being rich he could afford plenty of things other folk can't. Servants, statues, fields, and of course more houses. Yes Sir he was one of the richest ones out there but he sadly wasn't the richest when it comes to being decent." As the Ranger said this a grown grey bear is shown wearing a fancy tuxedo, top hat and a cane. His face has a smug and condescending expression on it that his mustache bearly covered up. He went around giving his staff a hard time and flaunting his riches much to people's annoyance. "He does resemble a bit like the show's creator" I thought looking at his face. "Wonder if this was meant to be a funny reference or something else?" I kept watching the screen as I thought that. "But not even the rich can escape hardships from time to time. Mr Mammon lost a bet with a fellow nobleman who took half of his fortunes and he fell into hard times, laying off his staff one by one until he was the only one left in the mansion. He had to resort selling most of his possessions much to his dismay." The montage showed him losing the bet to the nobleman who's a greyhound laughing at his face then seeing both his staff and possessions fly by him. He sat miserably in his chair at a loss at what to do. "Mr Mammon didn't know how to get out of this. He knew that if he didn't find a way to get back his old status soon he'll end up among the beggers. But then he got an idea. He heard of an old witch that resided in the far left of the town that had answers that he needed. So disguising himself to hide from public shame he went to the witch's house." The bear had an light bulb on top as he had the idea as he then grabbed a cape and hood as he rushed out of the house and into the far left of the woods where the witch's house resided "The old bear came to the witch begging her if she had anything to get him out of his financial problems. The witch who looked at him in indifference and annoyance gave him a scroll and told him that this will give him the spell to make some of the trees all around him to be his new servants for life. While the rich bear normally would scoff at this, he was desperate enough to try it and that he's heard great things about her." "If only we have people like her around today." I muttered. The scenes turns to an old bluish skinned creepy woman wearing a shawl and peasant clothing who looks at Mr Mammon with annoyance who begged and pleaded for an answer. She gives him an old scroll as she explains it to him. He looks happy then he was about to leave but she grabbed his arm as she gave him a warning glance. "But before he can leave, she gave him one warning. She told him to not abuse the power he'll learn, otherwise he'll meet quite a sorry end." She then let go and he left with a nervous expression on his face. Next scene later we see him go up to a bunch of tress as he opens the scroll. "Mr Mammon went up to the nearest trees next to his mansion as he opened the scroll and read the incantations." He starts then to speak in an odd almost supernatural sounding voice in gibberish then the trees start to move slowly but surely. The threes lifted themselves up from the roots as the roots transform into legs. The brances then became arms with hands that have tips sharp as claws. Finally their faces started to form in the front of the trees that looked creepy by children standards. Soon a dozen of living trees surrounded him, leaving him speechless. "Soon he was surrounded by his formerly stilled trees ready to serve his every whim. Wanting to make sure it worked, Mr Mammon had two of them fetch his chair and footstool from the garage. They obeyed him and sure enough they brought him exactly what he wanted with no missteps." The montage showed the two living trees going into the garage and bringing him the stool and chair which Mr Mammon gladly sat in. He looked exceptionally pleased. "Happy with the success the spell brought him, Mr Mammon wasted no time getting his tree servants to do work around the mansion and his fields while he plotted how to gain the lost fortune and possessions back. Eventually he came up with a wicked plan. With the magic he had what's to stop him from using it to make yourself above the law?" The scene goes to Mr Mammon sitting in his chair with the trees working all around him hen getting a wicked grin as he came up with a horrible idea. "One night he went up to the trees and commanded all of them to march into town quietly and to steal the lost fortune he lost in the bet long ago from the crooked nobleman. He also told them that should the nobleman spot them, they need to make him suffer greatly" The scene goes to Mr Mammon doing a speech with commanding gestures to the trees while making quite a scary expression on his face with the trees looking equally creepy as they listen. At that point the way the scene played out in such an unsettling manner caught me off guard. Granted the show had its spooky moments but this felt more in line of a horror movie rather then a children's show. However I tried brushing it off, saying to myself that it's probably just them trying to make it comically evil when in the end it wouldn't be. "The trees marched and marched right to the mansion making great care not to wake the townsfolk who were sleeping. They reached the old mansion at last creeping in through the windows. They then searched the whole mansion for the gold with one finally discovering it under the sofa. But as it tried to get it out, the noise alerted the noblemen who rushed down to see who it was. The next scene goes into the woods where the trees walk and climb over rocks looking exceptionally menacing and terrifying as they walk past the town and into the noblemen's mansion. They climb over the gateway and started to climb the walls with their claws gripping into the stone walls. They then open the windows as they climb inside the mansion looking for the vault where the gold is kept. Again the trees look unsettling at every angle the camera aims at them. Finally one of them discovered a chest of gold under the sofa and tore the planks apart to get it. The noise resulted in the noblemen to wake up and rush down to see what was going on. He gasped in horror as he sees the trees who stare back at him with cold, and black eyes. At that point I was expecting this scene to have the noblemen being chased around the house comically by the trees resulting in him hiding under his bed or sofa with the trees going back with the gold. I was quickly proven dead wrong. Before the nobleman can respond,one of the trees slashed him across the face leaving red claw marks. Another tree grabbed his throat and slammed him against the wall. The other trees swarm around him,each giving him more bruises and scratches,making the nobleman scream and cried in pain and terror until their leader who looked the scariest of them all finally using it's claws to stab the noblemen right through the heart. The nobleman gasped then died right on the spot. The trees then off camera got to work tearing the body limb from limb with the limbs flying through the camera. This caught me off guard so much that I nearly fell backwards. What the hell was this?! Is this meant to be some type of fucking joke?! Reluctant as I felt I couldn't help but to keep watching it to see what'll happen next. "The trees came back to Mr Mammon who was very pleased indeed with the spoils they brought back consisting of the lost gold and.....Other items." The scene then goes to Mr Mammon hugging the chest of gold he missed so much laughing like a lunatic then he looks at the head of the nobleman on a silver platter carried by one of the trees as he laughed evilly. I almost vomited upon seeing the severed head of the nobleman. My mind was trying to process what was even happening. How and why was this even made? What was the point this damn episode was trying to make?! I really wanted to stop playing it but something in me that I still can't figure out what wanted me to watch it to the end. Horrific as this is becoming I had to know what was the actual fucking lesson here. "Now pretty soon Mr Mammon's luck was starting to go into his head and making him go mad and mad with power. He shouldn't just stop at getting his fortune back since with his own personal army in tow he can make more fortune and so much more. One day he went up to the mayor of the town with his army of trees behind him, demanding that he'd be the new ruler of this town. Intimidated as he was,the mayor bravely refused to give in,ordering his men to fire at will at the trees." Mr Mammon plotted in his chair with quite a demented and insane look upon him as he looked at the town with the same expression on his face. The scene then cuts to him marching into town with his tree army making the townsfolk scared and shocked. The mayor pig despite looking scared held his up to give orders for the guards to fire. "But of course the trees made short work of them." The trees go and slash the guards across the throat before they can fire with their long arms, then they stab the mayor through the head. The people screamed as Mr Mammon presented himself proudly. It was by then the most horrible last few scenes of the episode played and Dear God I still wish to this day that I could've just stopped the damn projection right there and then. "Mr Mammon shortly gain control of the whole town along with it's folk, and started to make it into his own image that showed who he really was from the inside." The scene was red and black as the town now looked like something out of a dystopian steampunk nightmare. Trees were walking back and forth to keep guard over the town prisoners who looked miserable and sad with their rags which were formerly clothes. "Mr Mammon had the trees still work for him still in his own property but now he had the trees command the townsfolk to build more factories and gold for himself and fancy items such as watches to sell to other rich folk. Should the townsfolk rebel or try to flee well...Let's just say an unpleasant fate awaited them." The scene then goes to Mr Mammon looking regal as a king flaunting his riches and laughing as he sees a tree cruelly torture a young man who was sobbing for mercy with spiked whips. the next scene goes to a picket fence with heads of adult townsfolk with expressions as horrible to look at. Their children sobbed in sadness as they can't stand to see the fate of their parents like this. I forgot about the disturbing images for a bit upon seeing the children in that scene. It was one thing seeing that horrible bastard make tree monsters that kill people but to go as far as to make children orphans made me want to strangle him. "But as much as how the trees gave him much power though, Mr Mammon wasn't exactly more generous to them as the townsfolk. If anything he was more cruel to them because to him,even seeing a tree one little mistake was unacceptable, and he wasted no time giving out punishments to trees that failed their respective tasks." The next scene had one tree accidentally dropping an expensive vase, making Mr Mammon insanely furious as he grabbed an axe and started to chop up the tree to bits with the tree moaning in pain. The other trees looked horrified at this murder as Mr Mammon gave them a warning glance. Another scene showed a tree who tripped and broke a statue, resulting in Mr Mammon dropping a match stick and setting the tree on fire,making the poor tree scream as it broke into ashes.   I couldn't help but felt sorry for the trees here,Terrifying as they are. After all they were just following orders and that damn bastard wasn't giving them even a sliver of mercy. "The tree king time and time again saw many of his kin be murdered by the very master he gave them life. He began to resent more of his master which eventually lead into hatred. He felt the time had come to get revenge on the monster who tormented them and sacrifice him to the gods." The tree king who had a beard sees many of his folk get slaughtered by Mr Mammon by fire and axes with the remaining body parts of the murdered trees lay around his feet. His face looked at first sad but it then grew into anger and fury. "The tree king rallied what was left of his people and told them that they will make their tormanter suffer for what he has done to them. The trees cheered as they marched right into Mr Mammon's mansion." The Tree king stands in front of many tree monsters as they cheer and raise their claws up in the sky as they started to walk towards the mansion breaking the gates and statues along the way out of spite. They look extremely monsterous here as if they weren't already horrifying. "Mr Mammon was sleeping during this time but he came out of dreamland once the trees came into his room and dragged him outside." Mr Mammon like the narration said was sleeping soundly but the trees ripped the door off and swarm inside the bedroom. Mr Mammon woke up quickly as he look shocked and mad but his expression grew to horror as the trees grabbed his arms and legs as they dragged him out of the bed room and eventually out of the house. "The trees dragged Mr Mammon into his back yard where the tree king was awaiting him standing behind a stone alter. They place him on top of the alter and awaited the ritual to begin." The scene goes to the backyard colored red as the tree king looks pleased as he stands behind a stone alter as the other trees stripped the horrified bear from his nightgown and placed him on top of the alter bounded by ropes. "The Tree king got out a jagged knife as he chanted a prayer up to the heavens to accept the sacrifice of the evil bear who gave them suffering so that they can be blessed to be immortal forever. Mr Mammon by that time was now regretting what he has done since taking the scroll from the witch as his last moments played out...Then stopped." The Tree King with the jagged knife in his claws chanted in a demonic tone as the other trees chanted with him. The scene then goes to Mr Mammon's horrified face as he sees the knife raised up. The knife then flies down and off camera cutting back to Mr Mammon's face the sound of flesh being pierced and the sound of the stomach being ripped apart. Mr Mammon's face becomes horrified then stilled with eyes closed. The final shot consists of the black silhouette of the trees against the red background as they lift up the limbs and insides of Mr Mammon and cheered in demented glee. The episode then cuts back to Ranger Watchman who's expression remained friendly and calm but Georgie on the other hand looked horrified and disturbed. "Oh Ranger Watchman that was horrible!" The young cub cried out. "All of those deaths and suffering! How could you tell such a story?!" "It's horrible yes." Ranger Watchman replied with an understanding tone. "But it's also an important lesson to learn." "But why??!" Georgie replied still upset. "Why tell such a story?!" "You see Georgie the reason why it's important that some folk even adults I'm afraid to say still can't understand that we're not meant to learn everything because it can not only affect us badly but others around us. So the lesson here is that it's not about learning not to be greedy though that's just as important but that there are some things that we're better off not knowing." The Ranger then got up. "Well son it's time for me to get ready for the anniversary of the Liberation. You better get home yourself. "But-But." Georgie stammered,still wanting to get answers. "Tut tut Georgie." The ranger chuckled. "You know how important the Liberation day is for us all. You'll understand when you're older." The ranger walked off to his house, Leaving Georgie looking at him still sitting on the stump then turning to face the camera still looking quite disturbed and confused. It suddenly cuts into a shot of the tree monsters walking out of the woods moaning and roaring as the music becomes scarier to listen to. The shot fades into black with the roars and moans still occurring. I sat very still as the reel stopped entirely, trying to comprehend the fucking ordeal. On one hand I was now beginning to understand better why they never aired but on the other I was struggling with the question about why they even did the damn episode in the first place if they were never going to show on air to begin with? But what got to me more was that how Georgie himself was just as disturbed about the story as I was and I don't blame him for it. I mean what WAS the point? I came out of the viewing room to get away from the projection but then I heard more scurrying around. My heart stopped at the nose because I was really not in the mood for this now. I stomped over to where the nose was at which was the merchandise section but nothing. I was about to go back to the office where I heard a small voice. "You shouldn't have seen that mister." Instantly recognizing the voice as Georgie's, I turned around to see where it was coming from In the middle of the props table I saw an age old model of Georgie Bear standing in the middle of it but my question upon seeing it was not that how it got there. It was how it looked like it looked like it went to hell itself Walking carefully towards it I began to see closer the horrible details on the model. Georgie's head had on the left of it,a melted spot where the eye should've been with the mouth's skin being ripped off exposing a metal jaw. The right side wasn't any more pleasant to look it, with the eye losing much of the pupil details resulting in an almost blank look. the right cheek looked to be covered in blisters and sores. He had a sad expression on his face His body had an exposed metal ribcage with his right arm having an exposed metal arm with his left missing entirely. Patches of fur were lost out of him and I saw how his legs looked like it was shaven completely. I then dreaded the idea that there was someone else in the room right now and this was part of some sick prank. Suddenly the mouth of the puppet moved, making me almost scream. "They didn't want anyone to see that reel sir. They wanted to keep that secret a secret. You better run now mister. They're coming for you. He kept looking at me with a sorrowful and compassionate look as he told me this. As I was about to ask him who was coming after me,he suddenly vanished. Backing away and holding my head in my hands I was thinking that I was starting to lose it completely. That was when I heard the scratching noises. I turned my head around to see where were the noises coming from which was the hallway leading into the storage room. Hoping that it was just a bunch of stray cats, I had my gun and stick in ready in case if it was indeed an intruder. I opened the door to the storage room and walked towards the middle of the room where the noises were getting louder and louder . Taking a deep breath I had my back on a shelf as I leaped out into the middle of the room shouting "FREEZE!" I still remember the scream I made upon seeing the sight that'll haunt my nightmares forever. The 4 Trees from the episode I watched went from the 12 inches they were in the show to about 4 feet tall and it was due to the many props,wood, stones and other items they could throw on themselves to grow larger. Their legs now resemble that of a T-Rex, their arms now looking to almost identical to that of an eagles, and their faces now resembling that of a human skulls. they fact that their teeth seemed to be actual human teeth didn't help. And I wish to God what I've described of them so far was the very worst of it but it wasn't. Hanging from their arms, tree hair and faces are skeleton parts along with the limbs and heads of the many character models from both the episode I've watched and even ones I remembered in my childhood. The faces looked horrible and looked to be the midst of great suffering. In the middle of the trees was in face the Tree king but his beard now being almost gone,and his face resembling more of a demon if not the devil himself. What made it worse was that he had the faces of both Barnabas Mammon and Ranger Watchman merged into his own head, making him have three faces. they roared in fury as they ran towards me in a stop motion like speed but obviously demonic looking. Snapping myself out of the fear I was experiencing, I was about to fire a round but a long tree arm came out behind me and grabbed it from my hand. I turned to see another tree monster holding the gun in my hand and snapping it in two. I tried to run but the same tree tackled me to the ground, leaving the other trees to swarm around me and grab my limbs as I tried to escape. The Tree king walked to me with the same jagged knife he used on Mr Mammon as he began to chant again. Frantically I looked around for a means to escape and I spotted my stick that was lying 3 feet in front of me. I guessed that it fell out of my pocket upon being tackled. I turned back to see the Tree King ready to stab my heart. Thinking quickly I spat the tree on my left's face, making it let my my arm long enough to punch the one on the right in the fact to free my other arm. As the Tree King was about to stab me I grabbed his arm and I headbutted him. This was enough time for me to shake off the Trees grabbing my legs as I rushed over to get my stick and start beating the nearest one on the head, making the limbs and bits from it fall off. I then ran from the storage room,locking the door to make sure they won't follow. I rushed from that point all the way to my office as I slammed and locked the door behind me as I slumped in the corner sobbing out of relief and fear. Afterwards I got back up and had my camera turnd to the storage room where I saw the trees trying to break the door down but given that it's made out of metal it wasn't easy. This made me feel a little at ease but then the Tree king looked at the camera as if to say " We know you're watching us." Turning my gaze from it, I then saw in the camera located at the Georgie Bear exhibit was the Georgie model from earlier as he had the same sad expression on his face. Feeling tired and Fell sleep on my chair due to the exhausting events I went through. It was 8:30 AM when I woke up,about 20 minutes from the Grand Opening. I heard knocking my door and as I opened it to see the museum curator who was about to tell my my shift's been over for 2 hours now but noticed my face which looked like it been through hell. "Sir are you all right?" She asked me with concern. "Did you hurt yourself by accident?" "Well....." I started,trying to explain what had happened but then I figured it'd make me look crazy and I couldn't afford being fired because of ramblings. "I guess I had an intense dream..I'm ok really." To be honest I was actually sure that it was just an intense dream after all since as I asked the people who owned the props and merchandise of Georgie Bear if they had items like tree men and a damaged Georgie Bear model. "Why no." they replied in confusion. The Georgie bear model we have is in perfect condition. And we don't recall any tree men being made either." While they did give me some relief I wanted to make sure that what I went through wasn't a sign of me losing it. I checked in the storage room, looking for any sign of the trees such as the missing limbs and bits from the one I beat over the head with. As I was about to leave I spotted something gleaming under one of the shelves. I carefully crawled down and grabbed it from under. It was one half of the snapped gun that one of the tree men snapped in two much to my dismay. I head straight home,no longer wanting to be reminded of what I supposedly went through at the exhibit. I later called the curator to ask her if I can have some time off. She had no problems with it,seeing as my condition seemed to have worried her. I was able to take two weeks off from work before I was ready mentally and physically ready to work. However even then I didn't want to work at the night shift anymore at least until the Georgie exhibit was finished. To this day I still had questions if what I've been through had more to it then I found out. Such as if the creator of the series had something to do with it, or this was done by someone else in the series crew that had a....Disturbing background. But maybe not having answers was perhaps for me for the best. After all it's like Ranger Watchman said. "There are some things we're better off not knowing.".....And I should remember this finale lesson from Georgie Bear for my own safety..........

[pattysfics]

A Hard Lesson to Learn pt. 5

(Sort of how I imagine Kali’s view.)

Warnings: nondescriptive vomiting. Dizziness. There is some language. Fluff towards the end?

A/N: This a filler chapter. I think things are going to be picking up here soon, just have to see where the story leads!! Thanks for reading! Comments, likes, reblogs are all appreciated!

Masterlist

Throbbing and pain that’s all she felt. She felt like her head was splitting in two. She groaned when she shifted slightly, and the pain kicked up a couple notches. She lay there on that mattress for a couple more moments trying to get her bearings in order. She flickered her eyes open and scrunched her eyes as the sunlight infiltrated her vision. “Damn,” she muttered.

She relaxed onto the mattress and sank into the comfort of the bed. A soft pillow was tucked under her head. She opened her eyes once more scanning the cell quickly. She was alone. What had happened?

Slowly, Kali sat up on the mattress. She had to steady herself stopping herself from falling over. The room was spinning. She propped herself up with her arms, her long legs stretching to the end of the mattress. She glanced back, and the left side of the pillow had blood smeared on it. Reaching up and grazing her head, she jerked pain shooting through her head. “Fucking hell,” she whispered.

Looking down a bottle of water sat beside the mattress along with a couple little blue pills in a little plastic cup.  She popped the cap off the water and tossed the pills into her mouth, swallowing them with a swig of water. Gulping down a couple more drinks of water, she sighed twisting the cap back on the bottle.

She sat back against the wall careful not to make her head hit against the wall. Looking out the window, she saw the blue clear skies and the top of white fluffy clouds as they glided across the sky. She watched for a little while, watching nature as it worked before glancing around the cell again.

Jerking her head back towards the cell door, her eyes went wide at the sight of the cell door open. She had to shut her eyes to stave off the nausea that came on suddenly. After taking a minute to gather herself, she once again looked towards the cell door. Was this a joke?

Kali pushed herself off her bed and shakily stood to her feet. Dizziness took over and Kali rushed to the bucket in the room and emptied the contents of her stomach in the gray pail. Heaving into the pail a couple more times, Kali emptied her stomach completely. Spitting into the bucket one last time, Kali brought her hand to her mouth and wiped away remnants of her episode.

Standing to her feet, she took a few shaky steps toward the cell door. Slowly she pushed it the rest of the way open. The door creaked open causing Kali to wince pulling away from the door. Everything made her hurt. Taking a couple shaky steps out of the cell, Kali had one hand hold the cell door and the other shielding her eyes. Maybe she should run up those steps and probably get caught by Rick or someone or maybe she should wait it out and see what they had planned. She didn’t remember what had happened down here a day ago, a couple days ago? She didn’t know.

Taking in the stairs that led to the house, the bottom stair caught her attention. There was a chip missing from the bottom stair and blood was dried on it. So, there was the missing piece of the puzzle. Her head, that stair, and now here. She rolled her eyes. Those damn Alexandrians don’t know how to leave shit alone. What had she done besides get into that one scuffle with Mitch and Tommy?

She took one last look at that stairs. The want to run up the stairs and try to get away was overbearing but given her current state, Kali decided against it. If this was just a test, then maybe she’d pass with flying colors earning a little sliver of freedom and trust from Rick.

She sighed as she walked slowly back into the cell. Her one chance at freedom vaporized into thin air because she decided the risk was not worth the reward. Slowly she made her way across the cell to the back wall. Sliding down she felt the concrete bricks nip at her back through her clothes. She’d just wait.

She waited and waited against the wall for Rick to come for her. Finally, when she was just starting to doze off when the door at the top of the stairs opened and softly shut. She heard the stairs creak under the weight of the person and a small smirk graced her face. “Hey there Rick,” she slurred once the curly-headed man was standing in the open cell door. “I bet you didn’t expect to see me here.”

The man continued to stare at her. His eyes locked on hers. “You just sit here all day with the door open,” he asked after a few moments.

“Nah, Rick. Ya see I tried my best to convince myself to walk my merry ass up that stairs but I didn’t want to fall and hurt myself. Especially since I have absolutely zero fucking idea what when down here that left me with a splittin’ headache. Would you be so kind and to tell me,” she asked him sarcastically. “Cause from what I saw there’s a nice little chunk of that bottom stair missing and a nice gash right here on my head that gives it away plain as day. You need to control your people prick.”

Rick put his hands on his hips looking down at the floor for a quick second before looking back at her. “You feel alright?”

“Got a massive splittin’ headache. Sorta double vision since there are two of you,” she laughed. “Kind of dizzy when I stand up or try to walk so no Rick I am not feeling alright. Thanks for asking though,” she jested.

Rolling his eyes Rick walked deeper into the cell until he was standing in front of her. Her heart rate increased as he walked closer. “Are you here to finish me off? There won’t be much of a fight so just do it.” To her surprise, when Rick bent down to grab her, he grabbed under her arm and slowly raised her to her feet. He put her arm around his shoulder. “Where are we going, Rick?”

“Can you please shut up for two minutes,” he pleaded. Slowly and gently Rick helped her out the cell and up the stairs. He pushed the door open with his free arm and the scent of home-made food wafted through Kali’s nostrils like a bullet fired from a gun. He helped her over to the table and sat her down in the wooden chair before going towards the stove grabbing a bowl and filling it with food.

When Rick placed the bowl in front of her, Kali just looked at it. Watching the steam rise off the food, her mouth watering in anticipation. “It’s not going to hurt ya,” Rick said cutting through her thoughts. She raised her eyes to look at the man as he leaned against the counter his arms crossed watching her.

Shakily, Kali lifted the spoon that sat beside the bowl and it clinked against it. Swallowing down the first spoon fun, Kali let out a moan. “Mmmmm. Good stuff right here Rick. You didn’t poison it did you?”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to take it away,” he asked.

Kali shook her head no as she continued to shovel the food down. “Did you make this or was it in a can? Please tell me you cooked it. Ricky pricky making me food. How cute,” she teased.

“Yep.  You’re done,” Rick said walking over to her to grab the bowl. To his astonishment the bowl was empty.

She grinned at him as he put the bowl in the sink. “Damn that was good. After a month or so of eating peanut butter sandwiches, I needed that.” Softly chuckling, Rick walked around the kitchen making his way over to her once more.

He gently grabbed her raising her from the chair. He felt her stiffen once he put her arm back around his shoulder. “Guess it’s time to go back to jail,” she said dejectedly once Rick had her on her feet. To her surprise, Rick didn’t guide her down the stairs toward her cell instead he took her around the house towards another set of stairs. The same ones that Rick had taken her up when she took her shower. “I don’t really feel like a shower right now Rick. Thanks for the offer though. Maybe tomorrow.”

Rick ignored her as he walked them slowly up the stairs being mindful of Kali’s dizziness. Once they made it to the top, he pushed the door open at the end of the hall. He sat her down on the bed shucking her arm off his shoulder. “This is your room. Do whatever ya want. Sleep, shower, use the bathroom, I don’t care. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told her before heading to the door.

Just when he was about to shut it, he heard Kali call to him. “Hey Rick…thanks,” she said quietly. Rick nodded his head before shutting the door. She heard the ‘click’ of the lock being turned causing her to smile a little bit. She decided against a shower. Instead, she eased out of her clothes letting them pile in a pool beside the bed.

She slid under the cover relishing in the warmth from a comforter instead of a thin paper-like sheet. Her throbbing laid on a soft pillow causing her to sigh. She could shower tomorrow. Tonight, all she wanted was a good night rest. Closing her eyes, she faded into sleep.

---------

I’M SORRY IF THE KEEP READING TAB ISN’T WORKING...IT WORKS ON THE COMPUTER JUST NOT MOBILE. 

Tag list: 

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[fancoloredglasses]

Star Blazers (A grand epic adventure...as long as you don’t think too deeply about it)

(Thanks to Marc Morrell)

[All images copyright Claster Television Productions, Sunwagon Productions, and Academy Productions. Please don’t sue me]

For most millennials, the anime they likely thuink of first is Dragonball Z or Pokemon, while for most of my generation it would be Voltron, Battle of the Planets, or Robotech. For me it was an anthology series (each day of the week showing an episode from a different series) collectively known as Force Five (which sadly I will likely never review as I can’t find the series anywhere online. If anyone finds it, please let me know) and Star Blazers.

Most anime (or, as I called it when I was a kid, “Japanimation”) that airs in the US is a modified version of the Japanese series (the reason being there were often too many cultural differences between Japan and the US for American audiences to be able to easily follow the original story) and Star Blazers (originally titled Space Battleship Yamato in Japan) was no different. I’m not even going to attempt to research Yamato to cite the differences, but instead focus on Star Blazers.

Star Blazers was ahead of its time compared to American animation (or indeed, most American TV, as well as most of the anime being imported and repackaged) of the era in that each episode built on what came before and told a coherent narrative that followed the entire series. Most US TV until the mid-90s (with the exception of daytime and prime time “soap operas”) were more of an episodic nature in which the events in one episode didn’t affect future episodes unless they happened during the season premiere or season finale.

With Star Blazers, you saw characters fall in love, characters die, and relations between characters build through the series. While that is more-or-less the norm for American TV these days, it was a refreshing rarity in the 80s (though it meant you couldn’t miss an episode or you’d lose a chunk of the story, as you didn’t get the two minute “previously on...” segment modern shows have)

But enough about all that, let’s get to the star of the show...

...the Argo, a space battleship converted from the rusted husk of a Japanese battleship known as the Yamato. Now, I’m not one to nitpick (well...OK, I am), but wouldn’t it have been easier to just build a new spaceship instead of converting a sea vessel for space travel? Especially since the Yamato was sunk during World War II and was rusting at the bottom of the ocean for about two and a half centuries?

The Argo has been fitted with the Wave Motion Engine, an advanced engine designed by an alien culture. The Wave Motion Engine can have its powerful energies directed in reverse, becoming a Wave Motion Gun and firing a powerful mega-beam out of the barrel in the front of the Argo.

(Thanks to jirimar)

The Argo also has two backup bridges in case anything happens to the main bridge. The second bridge (located just below the main bridge) is almost never mentioned, but the third (located in the “pod” attached to the underside of the ship) seems to get destroyed every three or four episodes (you’d think they’d learn their lesson and just write it off after the second time, but no, they gotta be stubborn...)

The Argo is commanded by...

Captain Avatar, who commanded the only surviving Earth vessel of a space battle in the first episode of the series (you would think Earth wouldn’t give him such an important command after losing so horribly...) His senior helmsman and his gunnery officer (and eventual "Deputy Captain”) are...

...Cadets Mark Venture (right) and Derek Wildstar. You would think there would be more experienced officers who should be at the controls...

Star Blazers consisted of 77 episodes total, combining the three series of Space Battleship Yamato (the first two were 26 episodes, while the third was 25)

The first, The Quest for Iscandar, is best summed up with the intro nearly every episode of this series started with...

“In the year 2199, Earth was under severe attack from the mysterious planet Gamalon. Gamalon planet bombs covered the earth with radioactive pollution, and as a result...in one year’s time Earth will be unlivable.

But on the planet Iscandar, there is a machine that can remove the radioactivity. Queen Starsha offers it to the people of Earth.

A team of Star Blazers called the Star Force undertakes the perilous journey. But...can the Star Force travel 148,000 light years and back in just one Earth year?”

OK, let’s look at that synopsis. First off, it was Starsha that sent the plans for the Wave Motion Engine (that was then built in a day) Couldn’t she have sent the plans for the device (known as the Cosmo DNA) instead? Second, just so you can wrap your head around just how far “148,000 light years and back” is, the Milky Way is about 100,000 light years across. The Star Force is expected to cross the galaxy three times in a year. Now, the ship may be able to pull that off, but given it took them 10 out of their 26 episodes just to leave the solar system...

The Gamilons are commanded by their leader, Desslok. The closer the Star Force gets to Iscandar, the more obsessed Desslok is with their destruction.

(Thanks to dferre13)

Now, obviously the Star Force succeeds, as we have a second series, The Comet Empire. This time, Earth is threatened by...

...the Comet Empire (duh!), led by Prince Zordar (and assisted by the Gamalons, still led by Desslok) who threaten to destroy Earth. Once again, the Star Force must travel a great distance for assistance, this time to planet Telezart. They really need to get closer allies...

(Thanks to John Corban)

Now, I have never seen the third series (although it was translated to English, as far as I know it never aired in the US), The Bolar Wars, but according to Wikipedia, the Gamalons once again threaten Earth (though admittedly this time it was an accident) as their war with the Bolar Empire comes to our solar system and accidentally caused a catastrophic chain reaction within the sun that will destroy it in a year, so once again the Star Force is off, this time to find a new home for Earth’s inhabitants.

I recently discovered that in 2010 Japan released a live-action version of Space Battleship Yamato covering Quest for Iscandar. I immediately sat down to watch it, and while it was a bit jarring hearing the Japanese names for the characters, (Captain Onita instead of Captain Avatar, for example) it felt close enough to my memories that I enjoyed it, though (spoiler alert) the last half hour is a bit heart-wrenching to anyone who remembers the show.

Let me know if you would enjoy reading more of the journeys of the Star Force.

[remotecontrolchuck]

Last Minute Toonami Night Review: A Black Clover for the Holidays.

It’s December, and you know what that means! It’s the Holiday season, full of cheer and good tidings. Unfortunately, it also means a busy work schedule for me, as well spending most of my time studying for finals as well! Hence why it’s taken me this long to getting around to doing this review for last week’s run of Toonami. But as much I would like to rant about how stressful this week has been, I want to get this done before tonight’s run of Toonami starts, so onto the review!

Last week was the premiere of Black Clover on Toonami, as well as the start of the new 5 and a half hour lineup! Before my first impressions of the new show, I want to talk about the new schedule, as well as another thing that may affect it soon. While it will take me a while to get use to the new start time of the lineup, I’m still surprised by how much it has constantly changed and grown this past year. A year ago the run was 3 and a half hours, and now it’s 2 hours longer. If this keeps up, by next year, we might go back to the old 6 hour challenge!

However, despite the new extended schedule, it might be get short soon. Why? Because Lupin the Third Part IV is nearing the end of its run, with only five episodes left. So unless there’s already another show soon to replace it, we might go back to being just 5 hours in the beginning of the new year. Kind of funny really. This year began with the lineup being extended 30 minutes, so to lose that same amount in the start of the next one would be pretty ironic.

Anyway, speaking of Lupin the Third, can’t believe it’s almost over already! I know it’s been half a year since the show began in June, but it feels like it was less than that. Then again, this whole year feels like it went by faster than usual, but I digress. While I’m saving my review for when it finishes its run, I will say that Lupin the Third has become one of my favorite shows on Toonami, so much so that I would argue that it’s one of the best shows to have aired on the block. But enough about that, time to go over the main topic of last week, Black Clover.

So my first impressions of Black Clover are kind of, well, meh. I mean, I can see where people are getting at in this show ripping off a lot from Naruto, and how they might be annoyed. But on the other hand, it makes me all the more interested to see where they take this. After all, some good anime often take a lot of ideas from others, but put a new spin to them.

In other words, if Black Clover doesn’t do something different from the other shows, then it’s boring and generic. But if the show does brings something unique and new to the table, then it will fill the requirements of a good show in my book. So with that said, I’ll be watching the coming episodes to see what they do with that formula, and if they do something creative with it. That’s about it for last week’s topics, now to end the review with the recap!

Dragon Ball Super: During the victory celebration, Beerus has to cover up his lie regarding Monaka from Goku. Fortunately for the destroyer, the upbeat Saiyan is pretty gullible. So after dressing up like Monaka and giving Goku quite a fight, Beerus was able to keep the truth hidden.

DBZ Kai: Buu becomes steaming mad when a mad gunman shoots his dog. Fortunately, Mr. Satan beats the crap out of the bastard, and finds out that the dog is still alive but barely. So with Buu’s reviving powers, the dog heals and is healthy and happy once more. Things seem to go back to normal, until the gunman comes back for revenge, and shoots Mr. Satan.

This once again enrages Buu once again, so much so that after healing Mr. Satan, tells him to take the dog and flee. As the two flee, the steam from Buu’s anger begins forming a cloud in the sky, which soon creates another Buu. Except only this time, this Buu is gray, skinny, and made of pure evil! But at least he does everyone a favor and blows up the gunman.

Black Clover: We’re introduced to Asta, an energetic young man incapable of using magic in a magic dominated land. We’re also introduced to his more composed friend Yuno, who has magic and is strong with it. So much so, that the day everyone got their grimoires, he got a special one with a four leaf clover on it. Asta, of course didn’t get one. But despite this setback, that still doesn’t stop him from wanting to become next wizard king.

Meanwhile, a two bullies try to take the four leaf clover grimoire from Yuno, but the latter easily deflects their attacks. Unfortunately he’s unable to deflect the more powerful spells casted by a rogue magic knight, that makes quick work of the bullies and chains up Yuno, in order to steal the special grimoire to make a profit on the black market. Fortunately Asta arrives to rescue Yuno, but is soon subdued easily by the former knight, who then breaks his spirit.

However, before the rogue knight can kill Asta, Yuno decides to motivate Asta by calling him his rival. Suddenly, Asta gets his fighting spirit again, as well something else. As Asta breaks free and ready to fight, a black grimoire with a five leaf clover appears before him, and he soon pulls a sword from it. Apparently Asta does have magic after all, black magic that is.

Stardust Crusaders: As the JoJo and the other continue their journey towards Egypt, with Enyaba as their prisoner, Old Joseph Joestar stops by a vendor to get some kebabs. Unfortunately, the vendor turns out to be Steely Dan (or Dan of Steel in the english dub), an agent of DIO that has been sent to silence Enyaba and eliminate the Joestars with his Stand, The Lovers!

Steely Dan succeeds in killing the old hag, despite being loyal to DIO in the end, and is now in the process of killing Old Joestar next! Fortunately, the old man has a plan and runs off with Polnareff and Kakyoin, while Jotaro stays behind to keep Steely Dan busy. Arriving at a TV shop, Old Joestar uses it as a way for Polnareff and Kakyoin to guide their now miniature Stands through his body, in order to fight the enemy Stand and the flesh bud within his head!

Meanwhile, with the old man held hostage, Steely Dan forces JoJo around like a slave. Unable to hurt the scumbag without hurting his grandpa in the process, JoJo bides his time until the others free Old Joestar. But with the clock ticking, can they make it in time to save the old man? And afterwards, will JoJo be able to beat the crap out of Steely Dan and his diabolical Stand?

Gundam IBO: The war between the S.A.U. and Arbrau finally comes to an end, but at a cost for our heroes. Thanks to the S.A.U., Orga and the others finally arrive on Earth, with Mika coming in with the Gundam Barbatos to break up the fight between McGillis, Takaki, and Aston. Unfortunately, Aston is killed in the process, devastating Takaki.

Meanwhile, Akihiro takes down Galan in his Gundam, but the latter self-destructs in order to erase the evidence linking him to Rustal. After the war, Tekkadan deals with the traitorous Radice, with Takaki being the one to gun him down. He then returns to his apartment, where his sister Fuka is waiting for him and Aston, and sadly tells her what’s happened to their friend.

Hunter x Hunter: Gon wins the game on Greed Island, and gets his reward of three cards that can be used outside the game from the other creators of Greed Island. He also learns that his dad, Ging, is still a jerk that’s trying to avoid him, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to find him. And using his reward after saying goodbye to Biscuit, he and Killua immediately teleport to Ging. But as soon as they arrive, is the person at the tree the one Gon has been searching for?

Lupin the Third: Lupin steals an old Fiat 500 "Topolino" from a vintage cars' dealer, and Zenigata cannot arrest him because the car is extremely precious and could be damaged. However, it turns out that the dealer is involved in the theft, as it’s all part of a plan to raise the value of the car. The Fiat in fact belongs to an aged Italian singer, Nora Anita, who is now at the brink of death, and her former manager/husband has decided to sell anything that could make him remember her love when she'll be dead to avoid further suffering. Add in it being stolen by the an infamous thief, and naturally the old car becomes even more valuable.

Unfortunately Zenigata caught onto their plan, and it seems Lupin is heading for a trap. However, the car seems to have some sort of independent will, manages to get the thief away from the police, as well as “convince” him to travel to a peaceful place on the banks of a lake, a place used by Nora and her husband as their private love refuge in their youth. Lupin happily obliges and drives there. As he does, Lupin leaves the radio on for Nora and her husband to hear, and the latter describes to his comatose wife the road the car is going through.

As the old man reminisce the memories he had with her and the car, he and Lupin begin to sing Nora’s most popular song as the sunsets, and their car arrives at their spot by the lake. As he weeps, the old man is about to get up and leave when suddenly his wife touches his hand, before dying happily. With Nora finally at peace, her husband sit by her side at peace as well, as the sun continues to set outside. As for Lupin, he leaves the car by the lake, much to Fujiko’s chagrin of wanting to make a fortune with it.

Naruto Shippuden: More flashbacks involving the early days of Team 7, this time involving Gaara and a lot of Sand ninjas.

Outlaw Star: Gene and Jim set up a business on Heifong, and the crew members take on various jobs around the city, which all come together in a confrontation with a mind-controlling cactus and its giant insect servants. Cowboy Bebop: The Bebop crew deal with a mutated alien that was once Spike’s lobster dinner from a year ago. In short, the greatest lesson learned is to not leave food in a fridge for a long time.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG: While Section 9 investigates the “Individual Eleven”, they also prevent the Prime Minister from being killed by an assassin.

Whew, finally got this done, and in time too! 15 minutes before tonight’s run of Toonami starts! Should give me enough time to warm up some instant ramen and get ready. See you guys there!

[one-of-us-blog]

Empress of Mars (Doctor Who S10E09)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap “Empress of Mars”, the ninth episode of Doctor Who’s tenth series. After a surprising message is found under the ice of Mars, Bill and the Doctor head off to investigate. When they get there they soon find themselves stuck between a recently-awoken army of Martians and a platoon of Victorian soldiers intent on plundering the red planet for riches. Can the Doctor avoid bloodshed between these two drastically different species? 

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, your latest recap felt like a real cliffhanger! Until I read it, I’d kind of forgotten how dramatic things got there at the end... Sophia’s really digging her heels in here, and I can’t wait to see how you feel about the resolution to this story. The one thing I’ve always hated about this two-parter is the Rose/Myra thing... Rose’s line about Miles being off with students has always made it clear to me that this is set before Miles/Nick went back into witness protection, and it drives me nuts that the producers couldn’t make sure this aired before “Miles to Go”. I mean, I guess the whole European trip could be a cover to explain Miles’ absence, but why would Rose need to keep up that sort of charade to Blanche, who definitely knows the truth about Miles�� situation. Man, don’t get me started. Also, the Rose/Miles Ray/Myra thing has always annoyed me, too, for some reason. I don’t want to sound too down on this episode, though, because there are a lot of things you mentioned in your recap that I always get a kick out of, like Rose’s demand that Dorothy use proper bike safety and the part where Dorothy assumes Stan is being kinky when he tells her to stick her finger in the potato. But for right now I’ve got my own recap to bang out, so let’s get to it!

Buttocks tight!

Episode directed by Wayne Yip and written by Mark Gatiss

We start out with an establishing shot of NASA that was lifted straight from an episode of the 1994 hit ReBoot, and then head inside to see everyone busily being busy. Some scientists are getting a long-awaited transmission from a probe called Valkyrie which is headed for Mars, and they’re very excited to see some shots of our big, red neighbor. They’re surprised by the arrival of Bill (who’s sporting a very funky fresh ponytail which I highly approve of), Nardole and the Doctor, but thanks to a flash of the psychic paper any confusion is brushed aside. One of the scientists explains that Valkyrie is using a new camera to probe under the ice at Mars’ polar caps, and right on cue the transmission arrives. To the Doctor’s delight, and everyone else’s confusion, they see GOD SAVE THE QUEEN spelled out on Mars.

After the opening credits, we see that the Doctor is, of course headed for Mars. Not present day Mars, though, because according to the TARDIS the message they saw at NASA was written in 1881. Bill is surprised to learn that humans arrived on Mars during the reign of Queen Victoria, but the Doctor assures her that they did, in fact, not. The TARDIS lands under the planet’s surface, and a bespacesuited Bill, Nardy and the Doctor head out to investigate. Nardole says the TARDIS is picking up life signs around these parts, and sure enough the trio soon comes across a lit campfire. Bill assumes that since there’s fire there must be oxygen and is ready to rip off the helmet of her spacesuit, but the Doctor isn’t keen on that idea. Nardole takes his helmet off despite the Doctor’s warnings to Bill, and it turns out Bill was right all along. There’s plenty of oxygen to go around on Mars, somehow, and Bill and the Doctor ditch their helmets, too.

Bill asks one of the many important questions here: how’s there oxygen on Mars? The Doctor admits that the indigenous people of Mars were accomplished engineers, but that doesn’t explain a whole lot. Bill wanders off a ways and falls about 17 miles down a tunnel. The Doctor does his best to assure her that they’ll get her out of there and sends Nardole to the TARDIS for some rope and climbing equipment. As soon as Nardole’s inside the blue box, however, it takes off on its own, leaving Bill and the Doctor stranded. The Doctor rushes to where the TARDIS once stood, and sees an Ice Warrior of Mars coming toward him. Bill wakes up after having the wind knocked out of her, and finds herself facing a decidedly modern-looking door. The door opens, and a man in a Victorian spacesuit walks out and greets her cheerfully. The Doctor uses his knowledge of Martian culture to keep the Ice Warrior from killing him. Another Victorian human arrives and the Doctor thinks he’s going to shoot the Martian, but it turns out the Martian is his man Friday.

Nardole can’t get the TARDIS to cooperate, so he goes to the Mistress for help. Bill and the Doctor are both brought to the human’s camp. I colonel explains how he was stationed in Africa and happened across a space ship one night. Inside he found the comatose Friday, and asked for the colonel’s help to get him back home. In exchange, they got to claim Mars in the name of Queen Victoria and mine it dry for its minerals and riches. Things haven’t gone as well as they’d hoped, though; their ship crashed when they got to Mars, and their supplies are running low. Bill wonders what Friday’s getting out of all of this, and the colonel explains that while he was comatose on his ship the rest of his species went extinct. The colonel insists Mars is just a dead red rock, but the Doctor seems skeptical.

The Doctor gives Bill a lesson on Ice Warriors, only to be interrupted by Friday. The Doctor asks why the Martian really came back home, and Friday says he’s simply old and spent. His ability to quickly catch a plate that was about to fall reveals that he’s not as old and slow as he might want him to think, though. While all this is going on, the Victorian soldiers are busy mining Mars. Friday helped them make a special laser drill to dig with, but so far they haven’t found anything. One last blast of the laser reveals a hidden tomb that the soldiers stumble into. They run back and get the colonel, and Bill and the Doctor join them all as they investigate the tomb. The Doctor’s skepticism has turned into a decidedly bad feeling for him; he recognizes this as the tomb of an Ice Queen, and he knows that sometimes these tombs were part of a complicated hibernation process. The Doctor’s worried Friday has been using the Victorians to reawaken an Ice Warrior hive, but the Brits are too proud to consider the idea that they’ve been duped by their pet Friday.

The Doctor is stuck in an awkward position; in this situation the humans are invading the Martians’ home planet, but on the other hand the Ice Warriors have vastly more advanced technology and weapons and they’ll annihilate the humans if they wake up. Better hope that doesn’t happen, right! One of the soldiers plots to plunder precious stones from the Ice Queen’s tomb and escape Mars in the repaired spaceship, and this, naturally triggers the awakening of the Ice Queen, Empress Iraxxa. She kills the soldier, and Friday’s excited to meet up with Empress Iraxxa again. One of the soldiers takes a shot at the reanimated Ice Queen, and she wipes the floor with him. Friday arrives, and it turns out he’s the Empress’ sentinel. He was always supposed to return home and wake her up, but he took longer than he was supposed to. It took him 5,000 years to get Iraxxa up and running again, and she did not plan on snoozing that long.

Soldiers pour in, and the Doctor begs to be allowed the chance to mediate this situation before anyone else dies. He explains to the Ice Queen that the Mars she knew has died, and she can’t survive without help. Iraxxa prefers in put from another lady, so she asks Bill what she thinks (#LadiesDoinItForThemselves). Bill points out that the humans saved Friday’s life, but this only angers her as the Victorians made Friday their pet. The humans draw their guns at the sign of her temper, and one with an itchy trigger finger fires a completely ineffective shot at the Empress’ helmet. The Doctor begs for the Ice Queen to show mercy, and she agrees; she’ll be merciful by giving the humans a quick death (*AIRHORN* BAD BITCH ALERT *AIRHORN* *AIRHORN* *AIRHORN*). The soldiers run away and the captain, going against the colonel’s orders, prepares to use their giant mining laser as a weapon against the Martians. Bill barely manages to avoid Friday getting blasted by the laser, and in the process the tunnel between them and the Ice Queen’s tomb caves in.

The soldiers, thinking the cave in will keep them safe from Empress Iraxxa’s rage, celebrate. The captain reveals that the colonel is a failed deserter and not the hero everyone thinks, and takes control of the soldiers. The Doctor tries to convince him that the Martian hive will be active now that Iraxxa’s on her feet, but the captain’s too much of a cock to take his warnings seriously. The captain has the disgraced colonel, Bill and the Doctor thrown in the bridge. Iraxxa, meanwhile, has already awoken half a dozen hibernating Ice Warriors and is sending them off to kill some Victorians. In the brig the colonel admits that he deserted out of cowardice, and the captain has been blackmailing him to keep his secret. The Ice Warriors sneak up behind the soldiers and begin slaughtering them, while another Martian appears in the brig.

The captain sacrifices his men so he can escape on the repaired ship, Empress Iraxxa awakens more and more soldiers, and it turns out the Martian in the brig is Friday. Friday begs the Doctor to work with him to establish peace. Friday breaks them out of the brig, and the colonel, being a coward, immediately runs away to save his own skin. Bill volunteers to distract Iraxxa while the Doctor gets a plan in motion. Bill and Friday try to show that Terrans and Martians can live together, but the Ice Queen’s done with all that and prepares to blast Bill to heck and back. Luckily, though, the Doctor’s had all the time he needs to get his plot going. He points the Victorians’ mining laser towards the ceiling of the cavern and threatens to blow it up, burying the Empress, her Ice Warriors and all the humans under an avalanche of snow and ice from Mars’ surface.

Iraxxa seems like she’s on the brink of giving into the Doctor’s bid for peace, but then that cock of a captain shows up and holds a knife to her throat. He needs a Martian to get his ship off the ground, and he’s going to use the Ice Queen to escape. Luckily the not so cowardly colonel arrives and shoots the captain, saving Iraxxa in the process. Iraxxa is impressed by the colonel, but still plans on killing him. He says that’s cool, because he was supposed to be hanged for desertion a long time ago. This way, he figures, maybe his death will save his men (and Bill and the Doctor). Iraxxa decides not to kill him after all, saying that if he pledges allegiance to her she’ll make sure he gets a glorious death in battle one day.

A little while later, the Doctor sends a signal out in the universe that lets any nearby space-fairing races know the Martians and their new humans friends are stuck on a dead world and in need of a lift. The Doctor tells Bill that the Martians do indeed survive elsewhere in the universe, and sure enough a message from an alien craft from the Alpha Centauri solar system arrives and the one-eyed aliens assure Iraxxa that she and all her warriors can hitch a ride off Mars with them. Bill, the Doctor and the colonel make the GOD SAVE THE QUEEN message on Mars’ surface as a visual marker for the Alpha Centaurians, and the Doctor assures the colonel that someday, somehow, people will know about the colonel’s time on Mars.

Right about then, Nardy arrives in the TARDIS. The Doctor is decidedly less than thrilled to see the Mistress at the controls of the TARDIS, and he tells her she’s going to have to go back in the vault. It seems the Mistress is more concerned with the Doctor’s welfare, though, and the Doctor’s not sure what to make of that.

The End

~~~~~

Well, I think on the whole series ten of Doctor Who has been a real hit parade, but this one didn’t do it for me. I’m not sure what it is about the species, but if I remember correctly I wasn’t crazy about the last episode that featured an Ice Warrior, either. I think Iraxxa was a real bad bitch, and I appreciated that, but there didn’t seem to be a lot of depth to her, or any of the Martians for that matter. Not that there was a ton of depth to the Victorians, either, to be fair. The colonel got his tragic backstory, but the captain was just evil for the sake of evil and the other soldiers we got to know were just cannon fodder for dramatic tension. I never felt super invested in the story, and overall this episode ended up feeling pretty forgettable for me.

I give “Empress of Mars” QQ½ on the Five Q Scale.

I know you’re on the edge of your seat for Eli’s recap of the next episode of The Golden Girls, “There Goes the Bride, Part II”, so you can find out if Dorothy really is leaving the squad for good, but never fear! That recap will be out soon, and after that I’ll share my recap of the next episode of Doctor Who, “The Eaters of Light”.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for hibernating and thank you for being One of Us!

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Power Of Four (Parts 1-2)”

Written by: Jake Goldman, Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: Kyle Neswald, Benjamin P. Carow, Julia Vickerman, Cheyenne Curtis, Alicia Chan, Grace Craft (sic), Jaydeep Hasrajani, Leticia Abreu Silva

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

The first ratings stunt special! Might not be the only one.

(I know, I promised one review. I'll just say I really should have learned my lesson with the hour long DuckTales episode. Parts 3-5 will be up tomorrow.)

Before we start, some explanation about how I split this review up: While this episode aired as a 1.25 hour special in the US, this episode will air in at least one other country as five separate episodes, all with the word Bliss in the title. Cartoon Network's app has it both ways, just in case you want your pain piece-meal. Or is it pain? Let's just get this "bliss" over with.

Part 1 - Find Your Bliss

Written & Storyboarded by: Alicia Chan, Grace Kraft

The special starts with Blossom and Buttercup accusing Bubbles of breaking an award and melting a Candle Man action figure, respectively. Bubbles says it's not her, it's Bliss, a teenager who can't control her emotions!

Blossom and Buttercup don't believe her, because, as a montage shows, she has a habit with making up imaginary friends. But there's no time to worry about Bubbles breaking random things thanks to her "imagination", they got a Space Tow Truck movie to go to! Basically, the writers think 6 year old girls would be into Star Trek. Before they can do that, the Professor tells them to do chores.

While Blossom and Buttercup are able to finish their chores easily, Bubbles can't help but be found with a bunch of broken plates. This time, she blames Bliss's elephant friend, named, according to the captions, Mee! Yes, that will turn into several "Who's On First?" gags, none of which are particularly bad. After a little "pow-wow", Blossom and Buttercup decide to do some drastic measures.

See, as this reboot has proven time and time again, the Powerpuff Girls can easily be stopped by tying them up like Penelope Pitstop. Even the Powerpuff Girls knew this, as all we needed to keep someone who can fly and lift buildings full of people at the same time from causing trouble is a tiny hand truck and some green ribbons. Not the silliest thing that stopped them, by a long shot.

Blossom runs out of popcorn immediately before the movie, and the Professor tries to use his new invention: a pen that could fire lasers, immobilize people, scratch your back, and maybe write! After accidently immobilizing a few kids in the audience, he realizes it's stuck on the immobilization option, and decides to just get some popcorn. This will be important later. Mostly the pen, though the popcorn does lead to a smirk-worthy joke.

Earth Plow, an old-time radio character that the Professor used to like that is somehow real, bursts through the screen, and because this is a 3D movie, we get the obvious joke. Of course, Earth Plow is not too happy about other vehicles that are not of this Earth, and wants to show off that he's still got it by doing a Mark Twain impression. He also has a problem with getting criticized, as he starts attacking with his lasers as soon as everyone starts booing. The Powerpuff Girls intervene, but will they prevail?

Not really, Blossom and Buttercup just can't seem to handle this guy, as he almost instantly traps them with a claw. What's worse is that Bubbles is still stuck on that hand truck and green ribbon of doom. Clearly, someone else has to appear out of nowhere and help them, and that's not something unique to this special. As Earth Plow attempts to run Bubbles over while she yells for Bliss, we get a flash of light, and we finally get the reveal everyone's been waiting for.

Well, that's a slight lie considering a certain Cartoon Network division jumping the gun, but we'll just keep it to ourselves.

It’s Bliss! She has blue hair, because natural hair colors are not cool enough! She has long legs, and yet she essentially has the same body design as her 10-years-younger sisters! And she’s totally not an overpowered fan-character, because just this flash of light was able to blow a villain that easily took care of two Powerpuff Girls out of the theater. Okay, that’s a bad example. I have a feeling this special is going to be full of them.

The Professor comes back with his trashcan full of popcorn that he was, a result of said smirk-worthy popcorn joke, and he finds Bliss. The first thing he does when he finds this new Powerpuff Girl? He calls her "Blisstina", tells her sorry, and zaps her with the immobilization pen. I'll admit, this was a legitimately shocking scene, and a great ending for this part.

By reboot standards, this was a great opening, and it actually intrigued me for future parts. That's something I didn't expect from watching more than 40 episodes of this show, and certainly not something I expected when I watched the initial promos. Where did this Powerpuff Girl come from? What are her special powers? Why did the Professor decide to immobilize her daughter the first time he saw her for years?

All of this will be answered, and I'll say this: if you are thinking this quality is throughout this entire special, this must be your first episode.

Part 2 - Bliss Reminiscence

Written & Storyboarded by: Kyle Neswald, Benjamin P. Carow

It turns out, the Professor put her in a stasis bubble, protecting her from the rest of the world, and protecting the rest of the world from her. This part is all about Bliss's origin story, as told by three different people, including herself. We start with the Professor, and from the first sentence, we can tell that they’re not going to pay any respect to the original. It all started ten years ago...

Envious of "bitter"-never-before-mentioned-"rival" Professor Neutronium’s perfect little boy, who looks like Astro Boy and apparently saves Tokyo on a regular basis, he wanted to make the perfect little girl. So instead of wanting to make the world a better place and/or wanting to have a family, Professor Utonium made the Powerpuff Girls out of envy. Is this the Professor, or Dick Hardly from the original's Knock it Off?

Other than that, it is the all familiar story, complete with animation similar to the original's opening: the Professor mixes together sugar, spice, and everything nice, and somehow manages to knock into a vial of Chemical...W? That does explain why she seems to have powers the Powerpuff Girls don't have, besides "we gotta make her special", but we’re supposed to believe he messed up twice? It gets even worse. Not only did he bumble twice...

...he bumbled 22 other times with 22 other chemicals! This scene raises far too many questions that, unlike previously, will never be answered, as I don’t think they thought further than "Chemical X? Whatever happened to Chemical A through W? Wakka wakka!" There's a slight implication that it might have made at least one monster, but that's all we get.

We also learn that her name isn't just Bliss, but Blisstina Franchesca Francis Mariam Alicia Utonium. At least it's not Blisstina Powerpuff. The father of the year that he is, he even tells the girls we're familar with that Blisstina was his favorite little girl. Buttercup calls him out on this, and he just immediately denies it. Not funny.

Her powers began to evolve, as she starts teleporting around the room. Is this her unique power? Not really, this is just one of her normal powers. It's because she's made of Chemical W, you see. It's not just because "we got to make her special!" That's not the only power she gets, either.

Even as a preschooler, even in the original they're all born preschoolers, roll with it, she can't control her emotions. Literally! Whenever she feels a strong emotion, any of them, she causes a large blue explosion that destroys the house. It all ends with Bliss getting fustrated over not having any milk for her cereal, and causing the whole house to explode. When the Professor woke up, she was gone, and he assumed death. For those in the know, they never mention Bunny. Are you really that surprised?

After the Professor leaves for a reward for "best ham" after promising never to leave Bliss, father of the year, Bliss suddenly wakes up from her immobilization. This stasis bubble being able to prevent her from teleporting, She tells her side of the story, starting with the Professor creating her before the Powerpuff Girls immediately stop her. Bliss actually left the Professor while he was knocked out. She goes to a island because, despite being so powerful, she causes problems!

Specifically, she goes to Bird Poop Island. It's here that she meets Mee, her magical pet friend that will surprisingly have more of a reason to exist other than "we got to make her special!" Even when he demonstrated her ability to self-destruct, Mee didn't care. After 10 years, she finally got homesick, decided to teleport back to her old home, and she found Bubbles and started her "pretend I'm your imaginary friend" game.

As Bliss begs to be let go, it's Reboot Jojo's has to make his appearance in this special, as he posed as the "ham award" giver for the Professor to leave the room. Unfortunately, he is the "ham". No, not really, Jojo, not even if you make this face for no reason:

Sweet dreams, kids.

He decides to tell his side of the story, starting with the time he pushed the Professor right into the chemicals. Actually, they never even get to this, as the Powerpuff Girls immediately tell him to skip to his friendship with Bliss. Judging by this and the extended opening, I’m not convinced they’re even aware of that plot point. Now, I know this is supposed to be a reboot...

...though I'm not convinced the writers know this, but it's one of the biggest aspects that made Mojo Jojo significant as an arch-villain. It's a part that seperates him from being just a silly monkey with a silly hat; he was involved in their creation. To have it pushed aside is just...a stab in the heart.

The silly monkey explains that Bliss was his best friend when he was still an ordinary baby monkey. When Bliss went bye-bye, he was so sad. The end. You know, I would have accepted that the Professor actually bumbled with the Chemical W, and that he missed Bliss so much that he intentionally bumped the Professor when he was mixing the Chemical X. That would have been an okay retcon. Instead, we got...

...that. Reboot Jojo uses this backstory as a reason for Bliss to join him. He hits the lever, accidently opening the garage door. Finally, a decent joke, and it took them this long. He then hits the other lever, freeing Bliss.

The Powerpuff Girls and Jojo try to convince her at the same time, and Bliss feels that's she's about to explode again. She uses her telekinesis for the first time to flip back the lever to use the bubble to protect the house from a huge explosion that makes her disappear again. They don't cry this time, as if they knew she didn't actually die.

To make a long story short, she didn't. She wants to start this family thing, and maybe this will help her control her powers. The part ends with her accidently making the house explode again. Oops.

There wasn't a lot to like about this part besides the garage door gag. While the last part ended with a great twist, the twists and retcons they put with this one just feel like bad jokes at worst, and misguided at best. I can't even respect that this is the first time they even mentioned Chemical X. If there's any good news, it's all uphill from here. A very, very slight one.

See you tomorrow for parts 3 through 5, and my final rating!

← Bridezilla ☆ Power of Four (Part 3-5) →

[militant-holy-knight]

Alleged Lucasfilm Insider Spills the Beans

On May 26, 2018, on the /tv/ board on 4chan an user titled Lfl did an AMA session with the users. Given that the source was anonymous and his refusal to prove his credentials, we should take his information it with a grain of salt. Though I felt like resposting most of what he revealed. I know I am posting this with the good chance that OP was just roleplaying, but time will tell whether any of this is real or not.

>any talk of firing kathleen? She’s certainly not in good standing after the Last Jedi debacle. Absolutely hated in my department and by a lot of others I know of.

>Let me guess this is a thread where you pretend Lucasfilm is in shambles because a single movie is underperforming. Far from it, actually, but we’ve seen better days. TFA killed a lot of the creative/“anything goes” vibe we had, as evidenced by the “Art Of” book. Seriously, take a look at how cool some of the concept art we had that was thrown out for a safer approach. However, R1 was a blast to work on and felt like the old days. TLJ and Solo were very awkward to work around. A lot of wasted potential with Solo and a lot of in-fighting with both productions.

>tell me about Indiana Jones, news on the 5th film, are more films in the future? It’s in development hell. 2019 is a lucky shot in the dark. Overall, I don’t know much beyond the fact that it’s barely been moving along.

>Do you wish Kevin Feige was in charge? Are toy companies pissed off because of the lame characters and designs? Possibly. There are a number of people I’d rather have in charge of the writing, mostly some of the creative veterans like Filoni or Leeland. The general idea around here is that a “hands off” producer who could also keep things under control would work best. Hasbro is actually pissed off at the way information is handled and the focus on “earth tones” and less interesting visuals in both background aliens and main characters. Going forward there will be a push for more “toyetic” and PT-esque designs. I’ve seen some interesting IX designs, especially Kylo/Rey, who both have “battle armor” on. Kylo has some sort of red crystals on his. Not sure if Kyber or whatever.

>Is the next anthology really Obi-Wan? Any plans for Maul in other anthologies? Yeah, Obi-Wan is the next anthology. Bit of a poorly kept secret at this point, but the announcement should happen within the next 3-4 months. I’ve seen some concept art and it’s honestly breathtaking. I have a great feeling about the film as long as it isn’t stiffled creatively. Don’t believe any bullshit about Thrawn being in it. As far as I know, he’s not. Next movie is up in the air, but talks are revolving mostly around a Boba Fett/Bounty Hunters movie. After that a Solo sequel is planned depending on how well this movie does. That’s where Maul should be making his next appearance. If Solo bombs then he’ll appear in the Fett movie. Considering the Mandolorian connection between them, it’s not a bad idea in my opinion.

>When’s Kuntleen getting the boot? How exactly are you going to right the ship for Episode IX? How much internal division is there at Disney/LFL about the direction the franchise is taking? Kathleen isn’t going anywhere until post IX. If that and Solo underperform then she’ll probably be chained to a smaller project that no one cares about, (ala FOD) and given creative control to herself. 9 is going to be very different. Timeskip, more “toyetic” designs. Personally, I think the damage is done at this point. A lot of higher-ups were gunning for JJ to do all 3 movies and are losing their minds at the idea of SW becoming unprofitable. By the way, Johnson’s trilogy will most likely not happen. Overall there is a very tense atmosphere in the upper-class of the company. Very competitive overall. Lower on the ranks, everyone seems a little bit more disgruntled than usual and a lot of the “magic” is gone. A lot of people are just happy to be paid.

>Is there any truth to the rumor that they are abandoning the trilogy structure for a continuous MCU style? That’s bullshit. Trilogies will always remain. Now, the anthology movies are a different case. Those will be handled more MCU-like.

>Anon you’re exposing yourself as a fake too easily here. Nobody shills on 4chan. It wasn’t JUST on 4chan obviously, but on the internet as a whole. Journalism sites, fan sites, ect. I think the lesson Disney learned is that shilling for a SW movie is pointless when the fans are so opinionated.

>How did they try to defend it? Rian Johnson was being toted around as a “true fan of both the OT/PT” here and that was the narrative/marketing strategy for awhile. Backfired when the movie actually came out and marketing had no idea how to handle it, so damage-control mode was engaged.

>Tell me the truth, how much posting on the Star Wars reddit is paid for? I go there for a good laugh every now and then, it’s the only community I’ve seen where people are so determined to be positive about TLJ that they will include stuff like “TLJ was my fav SW movie btw” at the end of completely unrelated posts. Reddit is a huge center of the marketing campaigns, especially since the site is such a hivemind and opinions get parroted once they’re popular enough to stand on their own. /tv/ is very similar, but contrarian, and harder to control. The Force.net is another, albeit smaller, center for damage control.

>what’s Rian like? Weirdo. Easily one of the weirdest fucking dudes I’ve met, and I only met him twice. Words cannot describe how awkward he is.

>What’s Pablo Hidalgo really like? Awesome irl, but a bit of a dick online. He’s constantly bombarded though. Personally, I think Matt Martin handles fan relations much better and more enthusiastically.

>Why is Disney afraid of using classic aliens? Why are all their alien designs fucking shit and the exact same earthy-brown muppets? Honestly, the art design in the Disney films are fucking boring, uninspired and more Dr. Who rather than Star Wars. Don’t even get me started. The reasoning behind it is despicable too. That brown/earthy skin tone is cheaper to cast for the prop department than recreating the colorful classic puppets/mask. It’s all about cutting corners. The amount of humans in the recent movies is so fucking boring and everyone agrees. Hopefully that’s something fixed with the “toyetic” initiative in future films.

>what is the general opinion of the movies and characters (rey, finn, poe) in the office? Not hated, but the general opinion is that nothing will come close to George’s movies/characters. Gotta admit, it was funny to watch some of the OT purists at LFL start to appriciate the PT when TFA came out. I think those movies will age a lot better now that George is gone. I know a fair amount people who really enjoy the ST characters. Rey is obviously the most popular, but everyone seems disappointed that Finn was sidestepped and turned into a joke in TLJ/TFA.

>Are they really talking about recasting Leia? That seems like such a shitty thing to do. Unfortunately, I can confirm it’s been talked about. No idea who the picks are, but it’s a better option than CGI Leia IMO

>Do you know why Trevorrow was Fired? What happened behind the scenes in rogue one between Edwards and Gilroy? He literally had no idea what to do with IX after Rian’s Rape and flipped out. I don’t blame him, who the fuck even cares about IX in the fanbase now?

[fitzsimmons-philinda]

Agents of SHIELD 4x15

*SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT* Seriously if you not up to date with this show as in have seen up through season 4 episode 15 don't read this. "A defining human trait seems to be regret." - Ada Okay so Radcliffe really did not think this through. The whole idea behind the Framework is to create a world with out pain right? So he creates a reality where so far six individuals have erased their one biggest regret and taken away the pain that came with it. But look at how it changed the world. May saved the girl. Okay great so she's probably still with Andrew and they were working on a kid or two so likelihood of her also being a mom is kinda high barring something extreme like infertility or something along those lines. Coulson wishes he hadn't joined SHIELD in the first place which brings a whole new set of troubles. Like no one to fight hydra when they rise from the ashes. Who ran the TAHITI initiative? And did that person have the presence of mind to realize what they were doing or did they just follow orders? No one to stand up for the inhumans when they start popping up. We see that still happened cause Coulson wrote it on the board "Inhumans and why we fear them". There was also no one to bring the original team together. Remember May said that she had built the team specifically to fix him if after TAHITI things went south. So who found Skye? Either May or Ward most likely and as Ward is probably still Hydra and we see that May is now working for hydra (back to that in a minute) we can assume that one or the other or both brought her in on that side of the line. Skye met Ward and still fell for him and either he or May was probably still her SO. We didn't see a shot of Mace but imma guess since SHIELD is still in the Shadows (or dead no Coulson to resurrect it) and not planning on coming out any time soon, the government had no need for project Patriot and so he's probably back to being a politician and thats it. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why May would be Hydra. But as I said before she could very easily be a mom now and the quickest way to control a parent is to hold their kid. That's what Hydra did to Mike Peterson. And if Coulson never joined and isn't around to put a hold on her worse ideas (like Ada reading the Darkhold or taking on four guys when you don't have to etc.) then she probably went along with whatever if her child was put at risk. Another theory, Andrew still turned and somehow threatened either just her or her and their child and she turned against inhumans because they tried to kill that little girl in Bahrain and they took away her husband. So May switches sides. Mac obviously got his daughter back and that's great that one isn't too bad. Bt it still comes with consequences. Mac said his daughter died 11 years ago. When did he join SHIELD? Was is because he lost her? If so then he never joins either, in which case does Bobbi get out of all those situations with out Mac to watch her back? What about Hunter? I know they aren't in the show anymore but it wouldn't take much for the writers to add them back in. Also remember in season 2 when Bobbi was sent to sink that carrier? Mac convinced her to disobey orders. He never joins SHIELD, she blows up that boat, and she, Harley, Gonzalez and all those others die that day. Which probably puts Hunter back to being a mercenary. Either scenario would fit really. Also this probably means that Yo-Yo is dead cause she and her cousin were probably caught dumping the guns by that guy with the eyes and got killed cause "inhuman" And then Fitzsimmons. These two consistently break my heart over and over. Okay Fitz. Fitz's biggest regret was his father who left when he was 10. A lot of people have said it was Ward but Fitz believed that the cycle began with his father, continued with Ward and then Radcliffe. Also most children abandoned by one or both parents think that it's somehow their own fault, which is wrong, but thats what they think. Especially Fitz who has a talent for blaming himself for literally everything. So Fitz goes back to his 10 year old self and makes sure his father doesn't leave, makes him proud, whatever it is and thus he never joins SHIELD, never meets Jemma and ends up filthy rich, probably off his own inventions. And Simmons is 6 feet under. Now we're not really changing anything about her life specifically however from the date we can see that she died Nov. 8 20__. They covered the year on purpose however we an deduce that if the year is before 2003 then she never joined SHIELD and never met Fitz, but because we're not changing anything specific about her life I doubt that. I'm not sure of the exact date but another theory I've read is that she died after FZZT which aired on or around the same date and that makes a lot more sense. Jemma probably still joined SHIELD but not Coulson's team cause Coulson wasn't around. But when bodies started defying gravity they probably still called in the best they had, Jemma. So she gets called in, gets infected and since there's no FIitz she doesn't solve it and either dies or kills herself to defend others. Another theory is that she pulled a Fury and is still working for SHIELD and just faked her own death. Both theories work really. All of this is only after 6 people have entered and altered the Framework. And Radcliffe, if he follows through to the natural conclusion of his beliefs, wants to put everyone in there and cure all their pains and regrets. By undoing only 6 things they have the changed the world drastically. Project insight probably happened, avengers are dead, Fury is dead, Hydra rules. "Zola's algorithm crosses them off the list, a few million at a time." How many millions are dead in this fantasy world because Hydra runs things? What about their pain? Who's going to fix their regrets? See that's the thing about regrets, you regret them they hurt but you learned something from them. They shaped you into the person that you are. Take that away and you're not you. The most important lessons are learned through pain. How does a child learn the stove is hot? Usually by touching it. But they never touch it again. Its the same with the rest of our lives. The mistakes we make the regrets we have, we try and prevent them from happening again. Their regrets shaped the world more than they knew. How many other countless changes were made that we can't fathom? If you take away one person's pain you take away the lesson someone else learned from it and cause them pain instead. Our pain makes us who we are. "That pain, that regret, that's what made you a person." - May(LMD)

[cihojuda]

TSS Project Part 6: Equipment

Warning: hella long

So.

While doing some screenshot-taking for Part Five- specifically s1e24/Where Lies the Engulfer- I started thinking about the Claw. Doc tells us in s1e1/The Kur Stone that the Claw has “spring-loaded cable, telescoping shaft, grappling hook, vaulting and retrieving functionality.” I’m not really concerned with any of that, because we see that it does what it’s supposed to do. My nitpicking has to do with the fact that, in this kids’ show about animals that don’t actually exist, I have a hard time suspending my disbelief about the function of the Claw. Take a look at its various functions:

You get even more than is listed on the package with the Claw. It does everything Doc says it can do, plus some things that Zak thought of himself- helping him throw things, letting him cut things with the talons on the Hand of Tsul Kalu (and probably the bird head thing on the other end too), etc. But mostly, what we see are the grappling and dragging functions.

Zak rescues Doyle from the demon lake. (s1e24.)

What am I saying? Well, basically: when in non-combat situations Zak just uses the Claw like one of those T-rex shaped grabby arms.

I mean, wouldn’t you? He is only twelve after all.

T-rex grabbers aside, I have serious questions about this thing. Namely the spring-loaded cable and the telescoping shaft. Let’s look at the first time the Claw is introduced.

Doc is very proud of himself. (s1e2) This is the Claw in its most basic form, ie without the Hand of Tsul Kalu in it. We never get a reference for how long it’s supposed to be exactly. It looks to be around the length of Zak’s arm, but that’s before the changes in the length of the shaft. Which raises these questions:

How does it do that?

Where does the extra length come from?

Where is the cable stored?

Where is the cable-retrieval mechanism?

Can it get even shorter than we see it in this picture?

How do the length of the shaft and the cable mechanisms interact?

It seems that it can get shorter, as we can see by the way Zak can hook it to his belt when not in use.

If it was the same length it usually is, it would swing all around and whack him in the knee and it would look decidedly less heroic. Or, alternatively, the shaft would go up his shirt; and given the amount of times this child falls over that would be a bad situation for everybody. How he never got a puncture would from that ridiculous bird on the other end is beyond me.

However, that doesn’t mean I have answers for the other questions. The shaft of the Claw is too skinny to possibly house a cable-retrieval mechanism strong enough to move a person, much less Zak and Doyle like in s1e24/Where Lies the Engulfer.

Whee! (s1e24)

There’s simply no room in the interior of the Claw for that fuckery to go on. There have been attempts to re-create classic grappling hook type things in the real world, and they all look similar to this:

which could be a real grappling hook gun or it could be a promo image for the newest spy movie coming out this year. I’m inclined to think it’s real because it has a humongous storage area for cable and fictional depictions of grappling hook guns apparently just have portals in them with unlimited amounts of cable, except when it runs out just short of where they need to be for comedic effect. The Claw has no place to house a reeling mechanism. Unless the cable inside the Claw is thinner than thread and stronger than steel, I just don’t see how there’s any room for it to be able to forcefully launch and retrieve.

Speaking of no room, let’s look at the telescoping shaft. How u do dis?

For the Claw to be able to expand and contract at will, I’m assuming that Zak has to press one of those buttons at the top. We don’t actually know which of the buttons does what on the Claw. Thing is, there are only two buttons as far as I can see- and as far as they showed us with the toy.

weird bird head and all.

Is that red bubble a button too? It could be, I don’t know. That still doesn’t answer the “what button does what thing” question. The functions that should be button-controlled are:

Opening/closing of the Hand of Tsul Kalu

Extension/contraction of the shaft

Launching/retrieving of the cable

I would think that you would want some functions and their opposites to be controlled by separate buttons, but I guess Doc is just a minimalist or something. Again, I don’t know what button controls what thing. It’s really too minor of a detail to be shown in the show at all, but I really wouldn’t mind having an overview of how it works. (I’m used to not knowing how things work. I watch Star Trek and everybody just mashes random buttons when they’re told to do something.)

But back to my point about the telescoping shaft.

The problem with the shaft works on a similar principle as the problem with the cable: Where does the extra length on the shaft come from? Usually, for something to be expandable, either there’s another layer hidden inside it or it stretches. I don’t think metal staffs can stretch, so in this case we’re using the dictionary.com definition of telescoping: “adjective: consisting of parts that fit and slide one within another.” Going off of that (and a single cursory Google search), I’m assuming that the Claw works on this principle:

which leaves even less room inside the shaft for the cable to move around. Also, it probably should make the Claw more unstable the closer it gets to its maximum length, because telescoping poles are notoriously collapse-prone. Unless the Claw can extend and stay there permanently like a police baton,

which it may, because this is Doc Saturday’s handiwork we’re talking about. I still don’t understand how circuits/mechanics can be so small and fine as to control the telescoping function without being destroyed and replaced pretty often. Is it tiny hydraulics? Computer? Air power? I don’t know! Plus, it still leaves a big question open as to how it auto-retracts. How in the fuck does that work?

I have no idea. My last big question about the Claw is about the interconnectedness of the telescoping shaft and cable/reeling functions. Since by the dictionary definition of telescoping the Claw has to be made up of smaller, sliding parts somewhere in the interior, how does the cable fit in there at all, much less a pulling mechanism? Does the Claw require a power source? I want to know these things!

Moving on to my next topic: the Firesword.

This, apparently, is what the Firesword would look like in real life.

As opposed to this- which, I know, is a hokey plastic kids’ toy; but that look could easily be achieved with the right color of materials. I guess I’m just going to have to accept that not everything in my life can be shades of orange. (No i’m kidding i accepted that in the 4th grade when my mother refused to buy me anything else orange after the horrible orange turtleneck and corduroy pants I made her get for me.)

All pedantry aside, the people from the website where I got the picture did a really good job. I think their Firesword looks really cool; but it’s not the one I’m going to be talking about.

History lesson, for those who never read the Cartoon Network website and may not remember the throwaway line about how Drew got the Firesword: it was given to her by the monks in Tibet who took her in after the Yeti killed her parents. We learn about the monks in s1e7/Van Rook’s Apprentice, but we don’t see them until s2e9/And Your Enemies Closer. That’s also the episode that tells us that V. V. Argost was actually the Yeti in disguise the whole time, which was all very convenient plot-wise. How do we learn this? Drew, Doyle and van Rook- and, for some reason, Zon- go to visit the temple where Drew grew up.

pew pew (s2e9)

The monks fire on van Rook, Zon and Doyle because they’re strangers whose intentions are unclear. We can infer from the fire that either the monks have laser weapons or they also have Fireswords like Drew’s. Most of us had probably assumed that the Firesword was a completely unique weapon, but this shows us that there’s a possibility of there being more. I mean, what’s more likely: that Drew’s Firesword is the only magical fire-shooting sword in existence and the monks just happened to give it to a magical orphan child they adopted (Jesus Drew you’re so anime) or that a remote religious sect that has little contact with the outside world has a security system that they probably commissioned from Tony Stark?

So the monks have their own Fireswords.

Now, I don’t really have any issues with the way the Firesword works. I can accept the fact that it’s a magical sword much easier than I can accept the lack of space in the Claw for a reeling mechanism. Why? I’m like Zak. I know how to toe the line between magic and science. In science you have to look for rational solutions to things, and with magic there’s sometimes an explanation and sometimes you just have to accept that it’s just “because magic” and move on. (see also: the entirety of the Harry Potter series.) We’re never going to know how and why the Firesword can do what it does. But don’t think that that doesn’t mean I don’t have questions!

How does Drew tell it to shoot fire?

Was it blessed by a god or cursed by somebody?Was it consecrated by the monks?

How old is it?

Where do the retractable blades at the end come from? How does Drew tell the sword to retract the blades?

Are there other, similar weapons?

Is there any real difference between using light from the sun vs. light from the moon or is that just aesthetics?

Does Drew know the answer to any of these questions besides the ones about making the sword do what she wants?

I also wonder about the circumstances surrounding Drew being given the sword.

How old was she when she first started learning to sword fight?

Did they start her off with a wooden dummy sword first?

Was the Firesword a going away present? We know that she left the temple to go to college, and obviously then got married to Doc and had Zak and whatever whatever.

Unfortunately we aren’t ever going to get to know anything about Doc, Drew or Doyle’s backstories. *sad trombone* I need to know these things, dammit. For science.

This post is going to be long, so I’m going to cut it here. Coming up next: Doyle’s jetpack and the Power Glove.

[astrodances]

Danielle: The First Ectobender

Vengeful Babes Week - Day 4: Sparring

Day: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Woohoo! Almost done! I’m super excited about this shot, because I’ve had the idea of ectoplasm bending for a while. It’s basically what ghosts do, right? (Also I have been watching waaaaay too much Avatar lately. That might’ve had something to do with this.) ;P

"Man, I am so pumped up right now!"

Danielle bounded up from the couch as Valerie came into the living room through the front door. She took a fighting stance and threw a few spirited punches into the air.

Val laughed, shrugging off her backpack onto the floor. "I take it you're enjoying Avatar?"

"It's not just that!" Dani exclaimed. "During this last episode I realized that my ghost powers are basically ectoplasm bending! I'm a bender!" As if to prove her point, she summoned a ball of ecto-energy in her palm, its green glow casting eerie shadows over the apartment.

"Whoa, cool! I never thought of it like that," Valerie replied, impressed.

Dani quickly stepped forward into a punch, letting a small puff of energy leave her fist and evaporate in the air. It looked like one of the firebending stances in Avatar, but her form was rather sloppy.

Valerie's grin morphed into a smirk. "I think you need some practice there, young Avatar."

The ghost girl relaxed back into a standing position. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, your form. You have the power, but your form is...unrefined. It's too loose, too quick." Valerie walked towards her and took up her own fighting stance, throwing a few jabs. "You need to keep it sharp and under control."

Dani's eyes lit up with renewed wonder. "Ooh, I get it! What you're saying is I need a master!"

Valerie rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. "Not exactly, but sure, okay."

"Now I just need to figure out which style to learn..." Dani pondered, crossing her legs under her so she was floating mid-air. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I am partial to firebending. Do you know what style it's based off of in real life?"

"How should I know?" Valerie nudged her girlfriend's leg, making her float closer to the couch before sitting down herself.

"Well, you know taekwondo. I figure your guess is better than mine."

Valerie perked up at this, exclaiming, "Wait that's it! Why don't I just teach you taekwondo? Add to it the ecto-energy and bam! You have your own completely unique bending style!"

Dani nearly did a back-flip as she landed on the couch and grabbed Valerie's shoulders with excitement. "That would be the coolest thing ever!" she said, leaning forward to give Valerie a kiss. "Let's do it!"

It had been two weeks since Valerie had suggested that she teach taekwondo to Dani. And while the half-ghost was picking up the techniques rather easily, combining them with her powers into a seamless form was proving to be a bit of a challenge. That's why Valerie insisted Dani clear away an entire Saturday. They were going on a spirit world journey.

And by "spirit world journey," Val meant a trip to the Ghost Zone.

When she told Danny they'd be stopping by Fenton Works to use the ghost portal, Danny had been downright suspicious. Even if Val had eased up on her hatred toward ghosts, an impromptu trip to the Zone seemed awfully intentional.

His mindset changed however when Valerie promised him she would have Dani teach him ectobending, which would benefit everybody. But for that Saturday, it was just Dani, Valerie, and the endless void of the Ghost Zone.

Valerie brought Dani to a pre-chosen floating island. It was covered in spectral trees, similar to Skulker's island, but it had a clearing in the center and was overall much smaller. The perfect spot to practice.

As the girls landed in the clearing, Valerie willed her jet sled back into her suit. She surveyed the area then said, "Okay, this is where we're gonna be for the next few hours. We'll do some meditation, and then get down to business."

Dani nodded, and they sat down on the ground, facing a section of trees. While meditating, Valerie peeked over at her pupil every so often. She noticed her aura glowing stronger the longer they were in the Ghost Zone. With luck, hopefully the increase in power would benefit their practice.

After a good fifteen minutes of meditation, Valerie stood back up and did some light stretches, prompting Dani to do the same.

"Well, I'd say we're warmed up," Valerie noted. "Let's go through your basic drills."

"With ectoplasm or without?" Dani asked, settling into her first stance.

Valerie walked over to the side of the clearing, her arms crossed over her chest. "Without. That'll come in a bit. Okay, first drill, go!"

The duo fell into the rhythm of their drills, and Dani punched and kicked through the moves like she'd been doing them her whole life. Her aura was thriving off of her environment, and it only seemed to bolster her actions.

When she finished the last set, Valerie nodded, highly impressed. "Excellent. That's the best you've ever done!" she praised, strolling back over so she was standing across the clearing from her girlfriend.

"Thanks." Dani was leaning forward on her knees, taking a breather, but she showed no signs of true fatigue.

"So, now let's try it with ectoplasm. Let the muscle memory of the drills control your form. You just focus on adding power to them. The energy is an extension of the move, not a change," she explained.

"Thanks, Piandao."

Valerie had to resist sticking her tongue out at the reference. "You're Zuko, and I'm supposed to be Iroh in this case, young pupil."

"Sorry, Master Iroh," Dani laughed, pretending to bow with the fire nation hand gesture.

"That's more like it," Valerie approved, returning the bow. From the bow she jumped into a fighting stance, her mind focusing in on her training from years of lessons. "Okay, now show me what you got! Time to spar!" A small ecto-gun unveiled itself on each of her wrists, prompting her to add, "And just so you'll focus more on adding your powers to your moves, I'm going to use a little power myself."

Dani visibly gulped at Valerie's challenging smirk. She knew what that look meant on the ghost hunter's face, and it seemed like she was about to be its victim. But she could do this. She just had to focus...

She took her own stance, and when Valerie gave the signal to start sparring, she put all her effort into channeling a ghost ray through the end of her punch. Her eyes were closed, but when she opened them, she saw green smoke coming off her fist and Valerie laying in the distance, propping herself up on her elbows.

Dani immediately ran to Valerie's side. The hunter coughed a few times, but was still smiling through it. "Wow...I need to take you to the Ghost Zone more often."

"Did I do it right? With the ectoplasm and all, I mean?" Dani asked, placing a hand along Valerie's back to support her.

"It was perfect! Perfect form and perfect power!" Valerie then looked down at her side, where a section of her armor was charred. "I just don't think my suit was expecting it." Another chuckle.

Dani hid her face in guilt. "Sorry. Do you want to stop for now?"

"Take my hand?"

Dani did as she was told and grabbed Valerie's hand, expecting to help her up. However, Val pulled her down to the ground instead and flipped her over, pinning her to the ground effortlessly.

"You wish," she finally answered, leaning forward to give Dani a kiss before standing up to offer a hand to help her up. "Now come on, sparring's just beginning, young ectobender."

[taryandbrarian]

The Crash of the Byzantium

The Weeping Angels of Blink were amazing. The two episodes, “Time of Angels” and “Flesh and Stone” did not help the Weeping Angels become more interesting or scary, and in fact ignored some of the basic things we learned about them from Blink. Brarian filed the original unreliable reports under translation errors. This is Tary’s thoughtful edits to the story.

The Crash of the Byzantium

A man spins dazedly in a green field on a sunny day. Birds chirp in the clear blue sky. There is a lipstick smear on his mouth. He is approached by two armed guards and an older man in evening clothes. “It’s a beautiful day,” the young man says.  The man in evening clothes wipes the lipstick off with a handkerchief, revealing the dazed guard is actually standing in the metallic corridor of a spaceship. He states grimly, "Hallucinogenic lipstick. She's here."

Elsewhere in the ship, a woman in a low-cut black evening dress and red high heels blasts through a steel door with a firearm; behind it, is a room with a black box suspended in the center. She changes the gun's settings, and uses it as a torch, burning a message onto the box's face.

Twelve thousand years if the future, the Doctor and Amy Pond explore the Delirium Archive, the final resting place of the Headless Monks. Amy is bored. The Doctor had promised to take her to a planet next, and the museum is on an asteroid. She wonders why they are at a museum while the Doctor announces that most of the displays are "wrong" until coming to one that he says is "one of mine". Amy deduces that this is how he keeps score.

Something in the next display catches the Doctor’s attention. It is an antique box with symbols burned into the top. “It's from one of the old starliners,” the Doctor tells Amy. “A Home Box.” “What's a Home Box?” “Like a black box on a plane, except it homes. Anything happens to the ship, the Home Box flies home, with all the flight data.” “So?” “The writing, the graffiti - Old High Gallifreyan. The lost language of the Time Lords. There were days, there were many days, these words could burn stars and raise up empires, and topple Gods.” Amy leans in, “What does it say?” The Doctor says glumly, “Hello, Sweetie.”

Moments later, alarm bells are screaming and guards are chasing the time travelers. Amy follows the Doctor as he runs to the TARDIS with the home box tucked under his arm

The Doctor connects the home box to the TARDIS console, and explains that someone is trying to get his attention. Getting a visual, he sees the woman in the red heels smiling and winking at the camera. He recognizes her as River Song. Changing the footage, River is now cornered in front of an airlock by the man in evening clothes and two guards. “The party's over, Doctor Song, yet still you're on board.” River turned to face him. “Sorry, Alistair. I needed to see what was in your vault. Do you all know what's down there? Any of you? Because I'll tell you something. This ship won't reach its destination.” Allistair tells the guards, “Wait till she runs. Don't make it look like an execution.” River Song looks at her watch and then  rattles off "7775/349x10,012/acorn" — temporal coordinates. In the TARDIS, Amy and the Doctor share a look. Over the monitor, they hear, “Oh, and I could do with an air corridor.”

The Doctor sets the TARDIS controls for River's location. Meanwhile, River tells the men they'd better find something to hold on to. They grab for handholds as alarms sound, and the airlock blows open. A calm River floats out into space just as the TARDIS materializes. The Doctor opens the TARDIS doors and holds out a hand to her. She flies inside, knocking the Doctor to the floor. Surprised to see her again, the Doctor greets her. But the Byzantium's getting away; "Follow that ship!" she commands.

As the TARDIS chases after the ship, River bicker of the proper way to fly the sentient machine. When they land, River chastises the Doctor for forgetting to do environmental checks. The Doctor announces, “We're on Alfava Metraxis, the seventh planet of the Dundra System. Oxygen-rich atmosphere, toxins in the soft band, 11-hour day, and...” he puts his head out the door again for show, “…chances of rain later.” River sneers, "He thinks he's so hot when he does that." “How come you can fly the TARDIS?” Amy asks. “Oh, I had lessons from the very best.” The Doctor looks smug until River adds, “It's a shame you were busy that day.” She picks up the red heels she had hung on a bit of TARDIS equipment. “Right then, why did they land here?” she muses as she heads for door. “They didn't land,” the Doctor says. “Sorry?” “You should've checked the Home Box – the Byzantium crashed.” River Song exits the TARDIS. Amy demands an explanation about River Song from the Doctor. His answers are vague and unsatisfying.

The Doctor and Amy exit the TARDIS to see the smoldering wreckage of the Byzantium atop a stony plateau. On Amy's request, the Doctor introduces her to Professor River Song. “Ahhh, I'm going to be a Professor some day, am I? How exciting!” She chuckles as the Doctor winces at this slip of the tongue. “Spoilers!” she tuts, then turns her attention back to typing on a handheld device.

The Doctor is annoyed he just gave away foreknowledge. River is speaking into the device. “You lot in orbit yet? Yeah, I saw it land. I'm at the crash site. Try and home in on my signal.” She holds device high in the air, then calls over her shoulder, “Doctor, can you sonic me? I need to boost the signal so we can use it as a beacon.”

The Doctor obliges, and Amy teases him. As they wait, River Song pulls out her diary, and asks the Doctor where she's landed in his timeline. Amy is intrigued, but the Doctor orders her to keep away from it.  Before River can read off any past adventures, four men in combat uniform teleport in and approach them. Their leader, Father Octavian, is rather cross. “You promised me an army, Doctor Song.” “No. I promised you the equivalent of an army. This is the Doctor.” The Doctor gives lighthearted salute. The man in combat uniform shakes the Doctor's hand as he introduces himself, “Father Octavian, sir. Bishop, second class. 20 clerics at my command. The troops are already in the drop ship and landing shortly. Doctor Song was helping us with a covert investigation. Has Doctor Song explained what we're dealing with?” River asked, “Doctor, what do you know of the Weeping Angels?”

By nightfall, the Doctor is fed up with Amy's persistent questions about his relationship with River and with her disobedience of his order to wait in the TARDIS. River, now wearing combat fatigues, calls them to a drop-ship to show them footage of the Weeping Angel they're chasing. It is a black-and-white film, a four-second clip on a loop. “It's just a statue,” says Amy. “It's a statue when you see it,” River corrects her. “Where did it come from?” the Doctor asks. “Oh, pulled from the ruins of Razbahan, end of last century. It's been in private hands ever since, dormant all that time.” “There's a difference between dormant and patient,” the Doctor murmurs. “What's that mean, it's a statue when you see it?” Amy wants to know. “The Weeping Angels can only move if they're unseen. So legend has it.” The Doctor corrects River, “No, it's not legend, it's a quantum lock. In the sight of any living creature, the Angels literally become stone. They sit, absorbing energy. The ultimate defense mechanism.” Amy is incredulous, “What, being a stone?” “Being a stone...until you turn your back.”

The Doctor leads Octavian and River out of the drop ship, but Amy stays behind, looking at the video of the angel. The Doctor explains that the crashed ship is probably filled with radiation and sparking electrical equipment, deadly to almost any living thing. “Deadly to an Angel?” the Bishop asks. “Dinner to an Angel,” the Doctor says. “The longer we leave it, the stronger it will grow. Who built that temple? Are they still around?” River answers, “The Aplans. The indigenous life-form. They died out 400 years ago.” “Two hundred years later, the planet was terraformed. Currently there are six billion human colonists,” Octavian tells them. “You lot, you're everywhere! Like rabbits! I'll never get done saving you.” River offers the Doctor a book about the Angels; he reads the whole book in seconds. He is perplexed; something is missing, but he doesn't know what.

While the others make plans, Amy is left with nothing to do. Looking back at the tape, she realizes the Weeping Angel has changed its position slightly. When she asks River if she has more than one clip of the Angel, River says no; it's just the one. When Amy looks back, the Angel has moved again; it now faces the camera with its arms spread out. The door behind her shuts without her noticing. Amy tries to turn off the television, but it quickly switches back on. She then tries and fails to unplug it. When she looks back up, though, the Angel's face has filled the screen. She tries to leave, but the door won't budge. She looks back again to find the Angel is now baring its fangs at her.

Outside, River wonders how early the Doctor is in his time stream. When he replies it is fairly early, she is amused because he doesn't know who she is yet. The Doctor wonders how she knows who he is as he doesn't always look the same. River says that she has all his faces in her diary, but he doesn't show up in order; River thinks she needs a spotter's guide. The Doctor then realizes what the book of angels is missing: pictures. Why would there be no visual on what to look out for? River says there was a mention about images in the book. The Doctor returns to the sentence and reads it aloud: "Whatever takes the image of an Angel becomes itself an Angel." He ponders its meaning.

Back in the dropship, Amy looks away again. This time, when she looks back, the Angel has projected itself into the drop-ship as a hologram. Amy shouts for the Doctor. He runs to the door and tries to opening it with the sonic screwdriver, but fails. As River Song and the Doctor desperately try to rescue Amy from the locked room, the image of the Weeping Angel inches closer. “Doctor! What's it gonna do to me?” Amy asks. The Doctor shouts back, “Just keep looking at it. Don't stop looking!” “Just tell me.” The Doctor runs to find the madman’s book of notes. Not hearing a reply, Amy repeats, “Just tell me. Tell me!” The Doctor answers, “The Angels live off of potential energy. They send you back in time to a boring place, forcing you to live the least influential life possible.” Suddenly, Amy gets an idea. “What did you say?” “They make you live to death. Don’t let it touch you!” the Doctor shouts through the door. “No, earlier. What did you say about images?” River Song answers, “Whatever holds the image of an angel is an angel.” Amy holds the remote towards the TV screen. “OK... Hold this. One, two, three, four... “ She hits the pause button when the image shows static. The image of the Angel freezes in a hazy static shape. A moment later, the image disappears and the screen turns off. The door opens and the Doctor and River come in. Amy speaks breathlessly, “I froze it! There was a sort of blip on the tape and I froze it on the blip. It wasn't the image of an angel any more. That was good, yeah? It was, wasn't it? That was pretty good.” River Song exclaimed, “That was amazing!” “River, hug Amy,” the Doctor instructs. “Why?” she asks. “Cos I'm busy.” “I'm fine,” Amy insists. River Song gives Amy a hug. “You're brilliant!” “Thanks. Yeah. I kind of creams it, didn't I?” she says, directing most of her words to the Doctor’s turned back. “So it was here?” says River. “That was the Angel?”

The Doctor explains that it was a projection of the Angel they're after; it was scoping out its foes. An explosion sounds outside, and Octavian enters to tell them the Clerics have blasted into the structure. “Now, it starts,” says the Doctor to his companions. He wishes he had left when he had the chance.

The group climbs down into the temple, finding a gravity well inside. The Doctor says it is the perfect hiding place for the Angel. He kicks a gravity globe high into the air. With the space lit, the interior is revealed: walls lined with hundreds of disintegrating stone statues. Finding the Angel is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack. The Clerics wonder how they are going to neutralize the Angel if they ever do find it. The best strategy the Doctor can think of is to "Find it, and hope." The Doctor and Amy rush off to explore, but Father Octavian holds River back. He snarls, “He doesn't know yet, does he? Who and what you are.” River responds, “It's too early in his time stream.” “Well, make sure he doesn't work it out, or he's not gonna help us.” “I won't let you down. Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison.” She yanks her arm out of Octavian’s grasp. As she leaves, Octavian sends Clerics Christian and Angelo to investigate the one exit visible from the chamber.

The Doctor shines his torch in every direction. Amy follows at a slower pace. She stops and looks up at the many levels above them and all the statues lining the way. River comes up beside her. “You all right?” River asks. “Yeah, I'm fine,” says Amy. “Just a little cautious around stone statues, you know.” River chuckles. Amy folds her arms. “So, I heard you call this a Maze of the Dead. What's a Maze of the Dead?” “Oh, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's just a labyrinth with dead people buried in the walls. OK, that was fairly bad.” She changes the subject, “Right, give me your arm.” Amy obliges. River holds up a syringe. “This won't hurt a bit,” she says assuringly. “Ow!” said Amy when she receives the shot. “There, you see. I lied. It's a viro-stabilizer. Stabilizes your metabolism against radiation, drive burn, anything. You're going to need it when we get up to that ship.”

Amy asks River about her relationship with the Doctor. River is evasive and Amy continues to believe they are married. The Doctor hears them talking about him, but denies that he was listening in. River points out that he's holding a device upside-down. Amy nudges River, “You're so his wife.” “Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy! This is the Doctor we're talking about. Do you really think it could be anything that simple?” Amy grins. “Yep.” “You're good. I'm not saying you're right... but you are very good.”

Elsewhere, Christian and Angelo are complaining about the mission, even preferring to go back to hunting lava snakes. Christian decides to investigate another passage, but soon finds his torchlight flickering. He turns to call for Angelo to come to him, but the Weeping Angel kills him. Not in the usual way of zapping him back in time. Rather, this Angel deftly snaps Christian’s neck. Oddly, moments later Angelo receives a transmission from the now-deceased Christian, “Come and see this.” “What is it?” Angelo speaks into the radio. “Just come and see it,” is the response. “It's not a school trip. Just tell me.” “No, really, come and see.” When Angelo finally does enter the passage, he also finds his torchlight flickering.

The Doctor, Amy and River explore the maze. He remembers the Aplans who built the crypt, saying he had dinner with the chief architect. According to him, the species had two heads. He changes the subject, asking River about the last line in the book, it seems a rather ominous. "Is it the eye of the audience or the hand of the artist that defines? If we built a sandpile pebble by pebble, when would we know our task was complete?" They hear gunfire and rush to the main chamber. Cleric Bob has fired at a statue, thinking it looked at him. Octavian berates him, “We know what the Angel looks like. Is that the Angel?” “No, sir,” the young cleric mumbled. “No, sir, it is not!” Octavian says harshly. “According to the Doctor, we are facing an enemy of unknowable power and infinite evil. So it would be good, it would be very good, if we could all remain calm in the presence of fussy decor.” The Doctor asks the cleric’s name. It is Bob. “Ah, that's a great name. I love Bob.” Octavian says, “It's a Sacred Name. We all have Sacred Names, they're given to us in the service of the Church.” “Sacred Bob. More like Scared Bob now, eh?” the Doctor jokes. He grows more serious, “Good. Scared keeps you fast. Anyone in this room who isn't scared is a moron. Carry on.”

Octavian orders Bob to guard the entrance with Christian and Angelo, while he and the four other Clerics join the Doctor's exploration.

River tells the Doctor that something is wrong, but she doesn't know what. The Doctor has the same feeling. However, he brushes it aside and continues to talk about the two-headed Aplans. “Then they started having laws against self-marrying and what was that about? But that's the church for you. Erm, no offence, Bishop.”  “Quite a lot taken, if that's all right, Doctor,” the Bishop replies. They are now in a narrow passage lined with statues. Amy pipes up, “Church had a point, if you think about it. The divorces must have been messy.” The Doctor and River suddenly have a terrifying epiphany. As they explain, the Aplans had two heads... So why don't the statues?

Gathering everyone behind him, the Doctor has them turn off their torchlights. When they turn back on after a second, all of the statues have turned to face them; every single statue is an Weeping Angel!

Elsewhere, Cleric Angelo hears Cleric Bob’s voice over his radio. “Where are you?” Bob asks. Christian can not respond, of course, he is dead. Angelo gapes at the body of Christian slumped against the stone figure’s feet. He hears Bob’s voice over the radio and responds. “Bob, come and see this.” “Angelo?” Bob answers. “Come and see what I've found.” “Are you with Christian? The Bishop said you'd be five minutes.” “I'm here, Bob. Through the archway.”

Bob sees the flickering light. Angelo is waving his torch to catch his attention. Suddenly, Bob hears a shout. He comes running through the archway. There, he sees a Weeping Angel with its hands around Angelo’s neck. Angelo says in a strangled voice, “Just keep looking at it. If I close my eyes, if I even blink, it will kill me.” “What happened to Christian?” Bob asks nervously. “Snapped his neck,” Angelo answers. Bob frowns,  but continues to stare. “That's not how the Angels kill people, they send your whole body back in time and space. Unless they needed his body for something.” Christian’s voice comes over the radio, “My voice. The angels needed my vocal chords to speak to you, to lure you …” “That’s it! I’m turning this radio off,” Bob says. “Just, please… help me out of this! Break its fingers or something.” Bob fumbles through his pockets. “There’s a hammer and chisel in my side pocket, use those,” Angelo instructs. Bob finds them. Under anything less than a life or death circumstance, it would have been an awkward moment. Bob begins to hammer at the stone hand. “Careful! You slip, that chisel goes right through my neck.” Bob slows,  the stone was chipping rather than cracking. “Why do you even have a chisel?” “Oh, you know… caves… Christian and I thought maybe we’d find some fossils, maybe a geode.” Bob wonders,  “Why didn’t they sent you back in time? They can do it with a simple touch, why take the time to kill?” Angelo pauses,  then shudders,  “Oh, god…” “What? What is it?” “They… they feed off potential. They send you back in time to a boring place so you live a dull and unimportant life while they feed on your wasted potential.” “That was all in the briefing. Are you crying? Why are you crying?” Bob asks, his voice shaking. “They didn’t send me back in time. They didn’t send me anywhere… I … I have no potential to waste.”

River Song, Amy, and Bishop Octavian try to wrap their heads around what the Doctor had just said. All the stone statues were Weeping Angels. How was this possible. “There was only one Angel on the ship. Just the one, I swear,” River Song protests. “Could they have been here already?” Amy asks. “The Aplans, how did they die out?” the Doctor asks. River Song answers,  “Nobody knows.” “We know,” the Doctor said quietly. Octavian spoke up, “They don't look like Angels.” “And they're not fast,” Amy points out. “You said they were fast. They should have had us by now.” The Doctor replies,  “They are stone in the sight of another living being. They can’t move, we’re looking at them.” “They could sneak up from behind,” River Song quickly turns around and flashes her torch light. “Did you not hear me? Any living being. That includes each other. As long as the lights stay on, they’ll keep each other in check and we’ll be fine.”

Christian’s torchlight had gone out. Angelo’s torchlight was flickering. The shadow cast by the arch made the space very dark. “Your light is flickering,” Bob said. “It’s getting hard to see what I’m doing.” “Yours light is going out, too. Get out of here, Bob.” “Look at them! They're dying. Losing their form. They must have been down here for centuries, starving,” the Doctor explains. Amy understood. “Losing their image.” “And their image is their power. Power. Power!” “Doctor?” Amy is confused by his excitement. “Don't you see? All that radiation spilling out, the drive burn. The crash wasn't an accident - it was a rescue mission, for the Angels. This isn’t some mausoleum, this is a nest! We're in the middle of a horde and it's waking up.” River Song turns to Bishop Octavian. “We need to get out of here fast.”

Octavian radios Bob to warn him. Bob says he's on his way and that the others are dead. The Doctor is surprised; Angels normally displace their victims in time, unless they need bodies for something. Bob explains that the Angel killed him as well. The Angel reanimated a copy of his consciousness to speak to them; when Bob said that "he" is on his way, he really meant the Angel.

The group flees to the Byzantium while the Doctor chats with Bob, confirming he is speaking to the original Angel, who is no longer in the ship. The Doctor meets up with the others, who are standing on a rocky ledge some fifty feet beneath the Byzantium wreckage; they're trapped.

"Sacred Bob" radios the Doctor again. He says there is nowhere for the Doctor to go and the Angels will kill them all. The Angels are also keen to have him know that the real Bob was afraid when he died; the Doctor had assured Bob that his fear would keep him fast, but he died alone and afraid. They are trying to make the Doctor angry, and angering the Doctor is a very bad move.

The Doctor tells Bob that he's sorry for his death, promising what's left of him that the Angels will pay. But they're is trapped with no chance of escape. The Doctor tells Bob that there is something wrong with the trap: a great, big mistake. He asks the group if they trust him. He takes Octavian's sidearm and orders them to jump on his signal. The Doctor warns the Angels, "There's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, ever put in a trap." Angel Bob asks, “And what would that be, Sir?” "Me!" snarls the Doctor then shoots the gravity globe with Octavian's sidearm, plunging them into total darkness.

The destruction of the gravity globe allows the Doctor, Amy, Dr. River Song, and Father Octavian and his clerics to jump into the localized gravity well of the starship Byzantium and escape the horde of approaching Weeping Angels. They are in a corridor with shiny rounded walls, reminiscent of the air-lock River Song escaped through mere hours before. “The hull is breached and the power's failing,” Octavian says. The lights go out briefly. The arm of an Angel could be seen silhouetted through the opening. A cleric shouts, “Sir! Incoming!” Amy calls, “Doctor! Lights.” The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver to help River Song as she try to connect the correct cables. The lights come on briefly and they catch a glimpse of an Angel making its way inside. The lights go out again and come on brighter to show four Angels inside the corridor with them. Octavian instructs, “Clerics, keep watching them.” “Better yet, use them,” the Doctor exclaims. “What?” Octavian says. “Move them! Change their position!” The Doctor sighs. “River, you explain, I’ve got to concentrate.” “They got the name Weeping Angels because they were often found covering their eyes. They will turn to stone in the sight of each other.” Octavian gives orders and begins moving one of the stone statues. “Men, put one at the door, and another watching the one at the door. Make each Angel face an Angel.” The Doctor says, “I've isolated the lighting grid. They can't drain the power now.” “Good work, Doctor.” “Yes. good. Good in many ways, good you like it so far...” “So far?” Amy asks. “Well, there's only one way to open this door. I guess I'll need to route all the power in this section through the door control.” Octavian nods. “Good, fine, do it.” “Including the lights. All of them. I'll need to turn out the lights.” “How long for?” Octavian asks. “Fraction of a second, maybe longer. Maybe quite a bit longer.” “Maybe?” “I'm guessing. We're being attacks by statues in a crashed ship, there isn't a manual for this!” Amy reasons, “Doctor, we lost the torches. We'll be in total darkness.” “No other way. Bishop?” Octavian turns to River. After a brief conference in hushed tones, the Bishop agrees to support the Doctor. “Bless you. Bishop,” says the Doctor. Octavian spoke to his clerics. “Combat distance, ten feet. As soon as the lights go down, those angels will be able to change position and attack. You’ll do continuous fire. Full spread over the hostiles. Do not stop firing while the lights are out. The light of the muzzle blasts will be the only thing slowing them down. Shot gun protocol, we don't have bullets to waste.”

The Doctor puts Amy in charge of turning the wheel and opening the door. Amy takes her position. The Doctor calls to Octavian, “Ready!” and places the sonic screwdriver into the circuit. “On my count then,” says the Bishop. “God be with us all. Three... two...one.” The lights went out and Octavian orders the clerics to fire. The clerics open fire on the Angels. The creatures advance. Each flash of light showing the four getting closer and closer.

River and the Doctor try to help Amy with the door. As the round door moves, a crescent shaped opening forms. Dim white light from the next corridor pours into the dark room. Amy and River slip through the partially open door. They take a moment to pause at the secondary flight deck, magnetizing the doors. However, it is clear that this will only slow the Angels down. The Doctor directs everyone into the ship's oxygen factory, a forest contained within the massive starship. Amy gapes, “But trees! On a space ship?” “Oh, more than trees, way better than trees. You're going to love this. Treeborgs...” He opens a section of peat moss to reveal circuitry. “Trees plus technology. Branches become cables, become sensors on the hull. A forest sucking in starlight, breathing out air. It even rains. There's a whole mini-climate. It is an eco-pod running through the heart of the ship. A forest in a bottle, on a space ship, in a maze. Have I impressed you yet, Amy Pond?” Amy is speechless and chuckles in amazement.

Octavian calls out, “Doctor! There's an exit, far end of the ship, into the Primary Flight Deck.” “Good, that's where we need to go.” As Octavian and a few of his clerics return to the forest to plot a safe path, a voice came over the radio. “Doctor? Excuse me. Hello, Doctor? Angel Bob here, sir.” The Doctor sits in the command chair and answers the radio, “Ah, there you are, Angel Bob. How's life? Sorry, bad subject.” “The Angels are wondering what you hope to achieve.” “Achieve? We're not achieving anything. We're just hanging. It's nice in here, consoles, comfy chairs, a forest. How's things with you?” “The Angels are feasting, sir. Soon they will be able to absorb enough power to consume this vessel, and then set out in search of the human colony.” The Doctor leans forward. “Well, we've got comfy chairs, did I mention?” Angel Bob responds, “We have no need of comfy chairs.” The Doctor smirks and says to his companions, “I made him say comfy chairs!” Amy laughs softly. Angel Bob’s voice is heard again, “They took the Aplans too quickly, made too big a show. They were trapped and positioned. The Aplans kept torch-lights burning brightly. The Angels thought they would erode past the point of resurrection. But now, with this ship, they will all be restored. There are hundreds in this Maze of the Dead.” “Get a life, Bob. Oops, sorry again. There's power on this ship, but nowhere near that much.” Angel Bob responds, “With respect, sir, there is more power on this ship than you yet understand.” The Angels shriek with laughter. The Doctor then notices a familiar crack on the wall of the secondary control room. He realizes that it is the same one from Amy's bedroom, just slightly bigger. Amy and River escape into the forest, but the Doctor stays behind to scan the crack. The four angels did their best to advance, each shielding their eyes with one arm and reaching out with the other. The Doctor’s jacket is in the grip of an Angel. The Doctor asks, “Why am I still here? I have loads of potential, you wouldn’t just kill me. Or perhaps I’m too rich for you, so full of twists and turns that I’m practically poison.”

He turns nervously and sees the Angels with their hands up to the crack as if worshiping it. “Good, and not so good. Oh, this isn't even a little bit good. I mean, is that it? Is that the power that brought you here? That's pure time energy, you can't feed on that. That's not power, that's the fire at the end of the universe. I'll tell you something else...” the Doctor swiftly slips out of his jacket. As he runs into the forest, he calls back to them, “Never let me talk!”

In a small clearing in the forest, Amy sits on a rock, over-come with emotions. River goes to her side, “Amy, what's wrong?” “How could it be on the ship?” Amy curls up on a moss-covers rock.  Bishop Octavian says, “Dr. Song, we can't stay here, we've got to keep moving.” River insists, “We wait for the Doctor.” “Our mission is to make this wreckage safe and neutralize the Angels,” Octavian reminds her. “Until that is achieved...” River Song interrupts. “Father Octavian, when the Doctor is in the room, your only mission is to keep him alive long enough to get everyone else home. And trust me. It's not easy. Now, if he's dead back there, I'll never forgive myself, and if he's alive, I'll never forgive him.” She pauses for a moment. “And, Doctor, you're standing right behind me, aren't you?” The Doctor is leaning against a tree. “Oh, yeah.” River turns to face the Doctor. “I hate you!” she says slowly with a small smile. “You don't.” He went to Amy’s side. “Bishop, the Angels are in the forest.” Octavian gives orders, “We need visual contact on every line of approach.” River asks the Doctor, “How did you get past them?” “Found a crack in the wall and told them it was the end of the universe.” “What was it?” Amy asks. “The end of the universe.”

A cleric shouts, “Sir! Angel, incoming!” An Angel appears between two trees.Other clerics report seeing Angels, too. Father Octavian tells his men to keep visual contact. “Amy, sit up,” River says. “What has gotten into you?” The Doctor answers for her, “The crack in the wall, the wall of the space ship, is the same shape as the crack in her wall, the wall of Amelia’s bedroom. Amelia Pond, a little girl that’s afraid of nothing except that crack in the wall…” River Song puts her arm around Amy’s shoulders and holds her hand.

***

Bishop Octavian says, “Doctor, we're too exposed here. We have to move on.” The Doctor straightens. “Have you not been paying attention? There’s no such thing as too exposed when dealing with a horde of Weeping Angels. They’re attacking us from all sides, right?” “Yes.” “So, they’re standing in a big circle. Once they leave the protection of the tree line, they are toast, in full sight of not only you, but every angel who’s attacking from the other direction.” Octavian orders his clerics to back away from the tree line. He turns to the Doctor, “We can’t stay here forever, though.” “Of course not,” says the Doctor. “But for now, Amy can’t move.” “Why can’t I move?” Amy asks. “Because you’re paralyzed with fear and anyway, that's not the plan.” “There's a plan?” River asks. “I don't know yet, I haven't finished talking. Right! Father, you and your Clerics will stay here, look after Amy. If anything happens to her, I'll hold each of you personally responsible, twice. River, you and me, we're going to find the Primary Flight Deck which is...” he licks his finger and held it up to test the air. “… a quarter mile straight ahead. We'll stabilize the wreckage and stop the Angels.” “How?” River stays sitting next to Amy. “I'll do a thing.” “What thing?” “I don't know, it's a thing in progress. Respect the thing. Moving out!”

Octavian approaches the Doctor, “Doctor, I'm coming with you. My Clerics can look after Miss Pond. These are my best men, they'd lay down their lives in her protection.” “I don't need your protection,” the Doctor says.  “The Angels are not going to touch a time-traveler like me or River. Our non-linear life lines are toxic to them.” River Song joins them. “You say that with a lot of confidence. How can you be sure?” “I can’t be sure. It’s a theory, a theory I’m not eager to test on my friends. That’s why I’m leaving Amy with protection.” “Am I not your friend?” River Song asks coyly. The Doctor grimaces. “Aw, don’t give me that! You know this isn’t our last adventure. We can take care of each other. I need Father Octavian to stay with Amy.” Octavian interjects, “I don't care. Where Dr. Song goes, I go.” “What?” The Doctor glances at River and then back at Octavian. “You two engaged or something?” Octavian looks at River before answering. “Yes, in a manner of speaking.” The Bishop shouts, “Marco, you're in charge till I get back.” “Doctor... Please, can't I come with you?” Amy asks. “You'd slow us down, Miss Pond,” Octavian responds. “I don't want to sound selfish, but you'd really speed me up.”  The Doctor sat next to Amy. “You'll be safer here. We can't protect you on the move. I'll be back for you soon as I can. I promise.” “You always say that,” Amy replies. “I always come back,” says the Doctor. “Now, rest your eyes for a bit, Amy. You have a lot of not blinking ahead of you.” He stands. “Good luck everyone. Behave. Keep watching the forest. Stop those Angels advancing. Amy, later!” He gives her a little pat on the head.  “River, going to need your computer.” Then the Doctor leaves.

“Yeah. Later,” Amy fidgets nervously with her hands, her eyes still closed. She feels a masculine pair of hands grip hers. She opens her eyes. The Doctor is there, but he is wearing a jacket. “Amy, you need to start trusting me, it's never been more important.” “But you don't always tell me the truth.” “If I always told you the truth, I wouldn't need you to trust me.” “Doctor, the crack in my wall, how can it be here? You said it was the end of the universe. How can it be that?” “I don't know yet, but I'm working it out. Now, listen. Remember what I told you when you were seven.” “What did you tell me?” The Doctor presses his forehead against hers.  “No, no... That's not the point. You have to remember.” He gave her a soft kiss on her brow. Amy closes her eyes as he kisses her, trying to remember. “You said so many things,” she murmurs. “Remember what?” She opens her eyes and the Doctor is gone.

Bishop Octavian was leading River Song and the Doctor down a wide and well-lit path through the forest. River and the Doctor talk to each other in vague and cryptic terms. Octavian informs the Doctor that River Song was a recent resident of Stormcage. Before more can be said on the topic, the Doctor’s scanner reveals the date for the explosion that makes a crack in the universe. The date appears on the bottom as 26/06/2010. “Amy's time!” the Doctor exclaims.

Amy is now more bored than scared, as she sits in the clearing. She tries to strike up a conversation. “So, what's happening? Anything happening out there?” Marco answers, “The Angels are still grouping.” Amy sighs,  “Yep, same for me. So, um… you all have names?” “Crispin.” “Phillip.” “Marco.” “Pedro.” The clerics said nothing more. “Okay, then,” says Amy. All was quiet except for the hum of the treeborgs. In the shade of the trees, one of the Angels reaches into a trunk and pulls at the wires. A ripping and zapping sound caught the cleric’s attention and the lights began to flicker. Marco calls out, “Are you getting this too?” Crispin responds,  “The trees? Yeah.” Amy calls out, “What's wrong with the trees?” Phillip said, “Here too, sir. They're ripping the Treeborgs apart.” The third cleric confirms, “And here. They're taking out the lights.” The Angels take advantage of the flickering and once again begin to advance.

The Doctor, River Song, and Bishop Octavian had reaches what the Doctor had predicts would be the Primary Flight Deck. The Doctor was still puzzling over the readings from the handheld as Octavian looks for a way in. River stood guard. “It doesn't open it from here, but it's the Primary Flight Deck. This has got to be a service hatch or something,” Octavian said. “Hurry up and open it,” River snaps. “Time's running out.” “What? What did you say?” asks the Doctor. “Time's running out, is that what you said?” “Yeah. I just meant...” “I know what you meant. Hush! But what if it could? “What if what could?” “Time. What if time could run out?”

In the clearing, the Angels were rapidly advancing, from several directions. Marco orders, “Weapons primed. Combat distance five feet. Wait for it!” The clerics prime their guns. Amy turns her head to see what was happening. “What is it? What's happening, just tell me!” Marco answers, “Keep your position, ma'am.”  Suddenly, a bright light appears through the trees and spread. “Wait!” says Marco, shielding his eyes from the glaring light. “The ship's not on fire, is it?” Crispin turns to look, then answers, “It can't be. The compressors would have taken care of it.” “Keep your eyes on the Angels!” Marco orders. Crispin turns back and is surprised. “Marco, the Angels have gone. Where'd they go?” “What, the Angels?” Amy asks, keeping an eye on the one just a few feet away. Pedro shifts uneasily. “This side's clear too, sir.” “The Angels have gone?” Amy asks. She dares to blink, and the stone statue is no longer in front of her. Marco reads from a handheld. “There's still movement out there, but away from us now. It's like they're running.” “Running from what?” Amy asks. “Phillip, Crispin, need you to get a closer look at that.” The two clerics head towards the light. They disappear behind some trees. Pedro and Marco move to new positions, closer to Amy. “What are you all looking at? What's there?” Amy asks. Marco tries to explain what he sees to Amy. “It's like, I don't know...a curtain of energy, sort of shifting. Makes you feel weird, sick.” “And you think it scares the Angels?” “What could scare those things?” Pedro mumbles. Amy begins to turn, Marco stops her. “What are you doing?” he asks. “We need someone looking at every direction.” “Then spin this circle so I’m the one pointing at the light. I need to see it.” “If you insist,” said Marco. He nods to Pedro. The three rotate positions.  Amy gasps when she sees it. “It's the same shape! It's the crack in my wall. It's following me! How can it be following me?” Amy falls to her knees and Marco is there to support her. His bulky uniform body blocks the intense light. “Are you OK?” he asks. “Yeah. It was the same shape! The same shape as the crack on the wall.” “What? You mean in the secondary flight deck?” Marco asks. “Marco, you want me to get a closer look at that?” asks Pedro. “Go for it. Don't get too close.” “Hang on,” said Amy. “What about the other two? Why not just wait ‘til they're back?” “What other two?” Marco asks. “The ones you sent before.” “I didn't send anyone before.” “You did. I heard you. Crispin and Phillip.” “Crispin and who?” asks Pedro. “Don’t worry about her, Pedro. Go and report back what you find.” “Do you think the Angels got them?” Amy wonders. “Is that what happens when the Angels touch you? You are just forgotten?” Marco tries to soothe her. “No, no. We remember Angelo, and Christian, and Bob…”

Outside the primary flight deck, Octavian helps River Song through the open hatch. The Doctor is still doing calculations in the air and talking to himself. Octavian puts a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. “We have to move, now! The Angels could be here any second.” The Doctor jerks his shoulder away. “Never mind the Angels. There's worse here than Angels!” The lights went out briefly. The Doctor finally turns to face Octavian. An Angel has its arm around Octavian’s neck. Octavian says, “I beg to differ, sir.” The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver at the Angel. “Let him go.” “Well, it can't let me go, sir, not while you're looking at it.” “I can't stop looking at it, it'll kill you.” “It will send me into early retirement. I’m fully prepared to let the rest of my years be boring.” “I’m afraid not. Just look at the detail… this one well-fed Angel. It isn’t hungry anymore.” “So it'll just kill me. There's no way out of this. You have to leave me!” “Can't you wriggle out?” “No. it's too tight. You have to leave me, Sir. There's nothing you can do.”

“Something's happening!” Amy insists. “Pedro was here a second ago and now you can't even remember him!” “There never was a Pedro. There's only ever been the two of us here!” “No, there were five of us. Why can't you remember?” “Listen, listen,” said Marco. “I need to get a closer look at that light, whatever it is. Don't worry, I won't get too close.” Amy shook her head. “No, you can't. You mustn't.” “Here, spare communicator.” He presses the radio into Amy’s hand. “I'll stay in touch the whole time.” “You won't. If you go back there what happens to the others will happen to you!” Marco shouts,  “There weren't any others!” “There won't be any YOU if you go back there.” “Two minutes, I promise.” He quickly left. Amy calls out, “Please, just listen to me!” She watches him trot towards the light and disappear behind the trees. Amy was alone in the clearing, and the threat of Angels is still present.

***

Octavian finally convinces the Doctor to leave him behind. The Doctor joins River Song in the Primary Flight Deck. River Song is attempting to fix the ship’s teleporter. The Doctor says she’s wasting her time. The Doctor contacts Amy over the radio. Amy tells him she is alone because the clerics disappeared investigating the crack. The Doctor instructs Amy to begin moving towards the primary control room. Amy protests, “I can't see! The forest has gone dark. The only light is what is coming from that crack.” The Doctor orders, “Turn on the spot.” “Sorry. What?” “Just do it. Turn on the spot.” He waves his screwdriver over the radio. “When the communicator sounds like my screwdriver, you're facing the right way. Follow the sound.” Amy turns in a circle and listens for the whirring sound. She points the radio like a compass. The Doctor speaks with urgency. “You have to start moving now. There's time energy spilling out of that crack and you have to stay ahead of it.” “But the Angels, they're everywhere.” “I'm sorry, I really am, but the Angels can only kill you.” Amy walks into the forest. The light from the crack is getting dimmer as she moves farther away. “What does the Time Energy do?” The Doctor shouts into the radio, “Just keep moving!” Amy’s steps are cautious and slow. She is squinting in the dim light, her head on a constant swivel. “Tell me!”  “If the Time Energy catches up with you, you'll never have been born. It will erase every moment of your existence. You will never have lived at all.” He took a deep breath and try to speak more encouragingly, “Now, I know it’s dark, but keep moving!” River mutters, “It's never going to work.” The Doctor shouts, “What else have you got? River, tell me!”

Amy walks with slow, steps. The path was growth dimmer and dimmer. She bumps her shoulder against something and gave a frightened shriek. She put her hand out, and felt the bark of a tree. She lets out a sigh of relief.

Outside the primary flight deck, there was a loud whooshing and clanging. “What was that?” River asks. “The Angels running from the fire. They came here to feed on the time energy. Now it's going to feed on them.”  He spoke into the radio, “Amy, listen to me. I'm sending a bit of software to your communicator. It's a proximity detector. It'll beep if there's something in your way. You just maneuver till the beeping stops.” Amy continues to walk with halts steps, her hand thrust stiffly before her feeling about hesitantly. The Doctor continues, “Because, Amy, this is important. The forest is full of Angels. You're going to have to walk like you can see.” Amy squeaks, “Well, what do you mean?” “You know what I mean. Stop waving your arm about, walk confidently.” The Doctor pauses and sighs deeply. “Look, just keep moving.” River Song works at a control panel. “That time energy, what's it going to do?” she asks, trying to keep her voice calm. The Doctor rubs his face. “Er, keep eating.” “How do we stop it?” she asks, slightly more tense. “Feed it.” “Feed it what?” “A big complicated space-time event should shut it up for a while.” “Like what, for instance?” The Doctor yells, “Like me, for instance!”

A high-pitched beeping echoes through the flight deck.  The sound was coming through Amy’s communicator. “What’s that?” Amy shouts. The Doctor’s voice came over the radio. “It's a warning. There are Angels ‘round you now.” Amy answers, “The lights are flickerin’. I can see them.” “Yes, and they can see each other. Just move fast. Stay in the open, and move fast.” There were angels on either side of Amy, their stone hands inches from her flesh. She shuffles past them as quick as she can. However, with each flicker of light, the angels reposition themselves.

“They’re moving too fast!” Amy complains. “Amy. listen to me. This is going to be hard but I know…” the Doctor glances at River, “…you can do it. The Angels are scared and running and right now they're not that interested in you. They'll assume you can see them and their instincts will kick in. All you've got to do is walk like you can see the whole time, not just during the flickers. Whatever the lights do, you just keep walking.” The Doctor bangs his fist on the instrument panel. “Faster! Now!”  

Amy did her best to move quickly, listening to the beeping and changing direction. It seems to be working, the flashing lights of the trees show the angels running, paying her no attention. Then she trips over a root and falls, dropping the communicator.  She hurriedly feels about in the dirt and calls out to the Doctor. The proximity indicator beeps louder and louder. As the lights flicker, Amy can see that she had drawn attention to herself.  She decides her best chance was to simply stand, pretending she could see and move forward without the radio. In the next flicker on light, she came face-to-face with an Angel. As it reaches for her, Amy is engulfed in a bright light.

Amy appears on the flight deck of the Byzantium and falls into River Song’s open arms. She starts sobbing, burying her face into River’s neck. “It’s okay. You're on the Flight Deck, the Doctor's here. I teleported you.” River strokes Amy’s hair. She looks up at the Doctor. “See? Told you I could get it working.” The Doctor kept his eyes on the control panel, but he was clearly pleased. “River Song, I could bloody kiss you.” “Ah well, maybe when you're older.” An alarm blares throughout the ship. “What's that?” River asks. “The Angels are draining the last of the ship's power, which means... the shield's going to release!”

The Doctor stood at the ready. The shield to the forest slowly raises and standing behind it was a large gathering of Angels. They look like proper Weeping Angels now, most even have their hands over their eyes. They stand side by side in perfect rows, letting their lack of peripheral vision and their wide wing span protect them from each other’s sight. The Doctor steps forward. He speaks calmly, “Angel Bob, I presume.” All the Angels remains stone statues, but Bob’s voice speaks with a faint echo, “The Time Field is coming. The Angels thought they could absorb it, but it is absorbing them…” “Yeah, and look at you, all running away. What can I do for you?” “The Angels heard you on the coms. If you throw yourself into it, it will close and they will be saved.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could do, could do that. But why?” “Your friends would also be saved.” “Well, there is that.” River Song steps up to the Doctor. “I've traveled in time. I'm a complicated space-time event, too. Throw me in.” The Doctor scoffs, “Oh, be serious! Compared to me, these Angels are more complicated than you and it would take every one of them to amount to me, so get a grip.” “Doctor, I can't let you do this.” “No, seriously, get a grip.” “You're not going to die here!” “No, I mean it. River, Amy, get a grip.” River Song’s jaw drops as she realizes his plan. “Oh, you genius!” She hurries over to Amy. Angel Bob spoke again, “Sir, the Angels need you to sacrifice yourself now.” The Doctor gave a small smirk. “Thing is, Bob, the Angels are draining all the power from this ship, every last bit of it. And you know what? I think they've forgotten where they're standing. I think they've forgotten the gravity of the situation.”

River grabs a handle and indicates that Amy should do the same. “You hold on tight and don't you let go for anything,” she says in a low voice as the Doctor continues to loudly lecture the Angels. As the gravity fails due to the loss of power, the Doctor casually turns to grip a handle himself. The deck turns to its side, orienting to the planet’s gravity instead of to the floor. The Doctor, Amy, and River grip those handles for dear life. The Angels fall and are engulfed by the crack. There is a burst of light and the crack suddenly snaps shut.

It was dawn when they finally crawled out of the wrecked spaceship and onto the beach. Amy is leaning on a rock, wrapped in a blanket. The Doctor stands next to her with a cleric behind him. “I am bruised everywhere,” Amy groans. “Me too,” says the Doctor. “At least you didn’t have to spend half the time stumbling in the dark, worrying about Angels.” “Technically, neither did you. All of the Angels fell into the time field. They’ve been erased from existence. I kept telling you, what you saw in the caves were just oddly shaped stalagmites.” “Is that why most of the clerics came back? Because the Angels that killed them never existed?” “Yes. Though I suppose some Angels must have avoided the time field. The one that crashed the Byzantium in the first place at least...” He stops musing aloud. “Then why do I remember it at all?” Amy asks. “Those guys on the ship didn't even remember each other.” “You're a time traveler now, Amy. Changes the way you see the universe… forever. Good, isn't it?” “And the crack. Is that gone too?” The Doctor doesn’t answer right away. “Yeah, for now. But the explosion that caused it is… still happening... somewhere out there, somewhere in time.”

The Doctor looks out at the ocean before walking over to River Song. She smiles. “You, me...handcuffs,” she holds up her wrists encased in cuffs. “Must it always end this way?” “What now?” the Doctor whispers flirtatiously. “The prison ship's in orbit. They'll beam me up any second. I might have done enough to earn a pardon this time. We'll see.” “Octavian said you killed a man.” “Yes. I did.” “A good man.” “A very good man. The best man I've ever known.” She says nothing more on the subject. However, before River is teleported away by the clerics, she tells the Doctor that they will meet again soon when the Pandorica opens. The Doctor scoffs dismissively. He says the Pandorica is a fairy-tale. “Aren’t we all?” River Songs says just before leaving in a flurry of teleporter dust.

[endlessarchite]

Just When I Thought I Had Things Under Control…

Sigh… owning a house is great and all, but when there’s a leak in your ceiling? Ugh. Here’s how to prevent and clear a clogged air conditioning drain line.

Going to tell you right now: this story isn’t quite finished yet. I found a temporary solution, but I’m more or less going ahead and posting this so that someone will run up to their attic and immediately take care of this, before you have to deal with a ceiling leak.

Let’s start with what we all know is never a good sign: the dreaded ceiling stain:

I knew it couldn’t be good. I’ll be partnering with a drywall brand later this fall, and while I was at their headquarters earlier this month (recap coming next week), I heard a quote that proved to be way too ominous:

When it comes to owning a house, it’s not a matter of IF you’ll have a moisture issue. It’s WHEN.

Little did I know how true that was about to be. I’ve always said that my house has a sass all its own, and once again, she interrupted my plans. It was as though my house overheard that quote and manifested an example so I could have a story ready to go. I didn’t want to do a tutorial on ceiling stains, but my house is like, “Drywall? Ok, I got you, boo. Check this out!”

But this, of course, isn’t the project I wanted to do this fall — it’s something else that’s way more exciting and cool.

Frig friggity frig-frig — freaking dammit.

Anyway, I saw the leak and at first thought it might be a sweating/condensation issue. It’s been raining practically EVERY DAY this summer and humid beyond belief. So, I figured that turning the A/C up when we went to visit K’s parents the other weekend might have created a problem, similar to how I learned that leaving the door open might freeze up my A/C (as it turns out, your childhood scolding wasn’t just a “bought air” issue). Working on the deck and shed, I’ve certainly noticed how soggy everything in general has been this summer.

Not to panic, I thought. I‘ll just monitor it and let it dry out. If it did, I could just cover over the stain and be done with it and have learned a lesson. I also had one of K’s brother’s visiting overnight at the time, so I was in a frenzy and really couldn’t spend time thinking on it.

(Which is obviously stupid, because ceiling leaks don’t give a damn about your schedule.)

The next day, it started to drip. And I knew immediately it was a bigger problem. So, I grabbed a tarp and a cardboard box and started cutting the ceiling open. I certainly know enough to handle a drywall patch, so it was more of trying to protect ruining the floor more than anything.

To humor myself, I put a neglected plant underneath the drip to give the plant a little water. Lemons —-> lemonade.

After K and I investigated the drip a little more, we had to keep cutting a hole to find the source. I  suspected that the leak might be further away, since the stain was forming right along a drywall seam (which would make it a path-of-least-resistance type thing, where water would seep through a vulnerable spot, even if the drip behind it originates somewhere else). The leak was coming from inside the house a spot closer to the actual wall/joists, near a duct.

It occurred to both of us: if you go straight up from this point, it’s between two walls and directly in line with the air conditioner in the attic. DAMMIT. The more I cut, the more it became a steady flow.

Tip: If the drip is splashing on your floor, drape a towel over the bucket.

After looking through a number of articles online, YouTube videos, speaking to my dad, and more, it seemed the most likely culprit was a clogged AC condensation line.

How to Prevent a Clog in Your Air Conditioner’s Condensate Drain Line

The purpose of an air conditioner’s condensate drain line is kind of in the name: to drain excess water. As the HVAC system does its thing, water is produced, and it needs a drip line to take that water from the HVAC system in the attic or basement and outside the home (you know, where it won’t leak through your ceiling). You can often locate the end of this drip line outside, near your A/C unit.

There’s also often an overflow line and a drip pan underneath the indoor HVAC system, so that in the case that the line gets clogged, it will fill the pan and reach the overflow line and still run out of the house. So, why did I still have this issue?

Unfortunately, this whole setup usually doesn’t get much love until there’s damage. Clogs and blockages form from algae and mold buildup. Metal drip pans can rust through. To prevent this buildup, it’s recommended to use distilled vinegar or bleach and pour it into the line at an access point (there’s usually a valve somewhere along the drain line where you can open it and pour it in). Doing so on a regular basis (a good time is every spring just before turning on the A/C for the first time),  you should have no problem. If you ever hear a gurgling, or bubbling sound behind your wall, this would be a good time to check too.

But get this: even if you hire someone to regularly service your HVAC system each year, this is commonly forgotten to be checked on. So first, you have to know about this to even ask the person if they checked it. Anyone see the problem with that???

How to Clear a Clogged Air Conditioning Drain Line

You Might Need

shop vac

towel and bucket

duct tape

distilled vinegar , bleach, or drain line buildup remover

funnel or something with a narrow pouring spout

drain snake or a drain line gun

Steps

Turn off the A/C power at the thermostat and the breaker.

Locate the drip pan beneath the HVAC system. If it’s got standing water in it, you probably have a clog. Shop vac it out or use a towel to soak up the water. I sincerely doubt you will, but you should also clean the pan with soap while you’re at it.

Go outside and locate the end of the drain opening. Use the shop vac again for a minute or two (put your hand around the valve and end of the shop vac if you want to improve suction, or use some super cheap dollar-store duct tape that never sticks well to anything when you want it to). You might hear debris getting sucked up, but check the shop vac’s contents if you’re not sure. You might also see some really gross sludge fall out of the line.

Locate the access valve (if there is one). It will look like a T-shaped vent with a PVC cover. Using a funnel, small cup with a spout, or similar (I used a watering can with a really narrow mouth), pour a little distilled vinegar or bleach into the line.

Allow it to sit for a little while (go watch an episode on Netflix & come back), then flush with water. Have someone outside on the phone with you when you do this to confirm if the line is now clear.

If the above doesn’t work, you can try snaking the clog, blasting it with a canister of air (my dad does this), or calling a pro (hopefully a guy who will remember to check this for you the next time he services your system).

In my case, not only was my line clogged, but:

My drip pan was rusted through in one spot. That’s what was causing it to leak in the house, because water wasn’t catching where it should have been.

Even if I had known about this prior, my drain line setup had no valve to pour anything into. While this might still work if you can remove the fitting on the edge of the drain pan, mine was stuck on tight and really awkward to move in its current layout. So, we had to cut the line and reroute the water flow temporarily into the overflow drain line.

Drain lines are recommended to be slightly titled at a downward angle to better assist with water flow. Guess what — nope.

There are a number of turns in mine, so the clog has been building up slowly for years.

What’s next:

As I mentioned, my tale is not quite over yet, but at least we have the A/C running and I’m confident we’ll be able to get this fixed. We’ll need to clear the clog and reroute the drain line back to normal, add an access valve, and replace the drip pan. We’ll probably also look into installing an overflow sensor in the overflow line, so we can be alerted in case it happens again (yay, technology!).

Oh yeah — and patch the hole in the living room ceiling. I’ll have that tutorial for you sometime in the future.

So, now you know! I hope this info someday helps someone prevent a clog and an expensive repair bill. If it does, please come back here and tell me so I know I prevented damage in the process of earning mine.

The post Just When I Thought I Had Things Under Control… appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

More Where That Came From

How to Fix a Leaking Outdoor Faucet

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[darwinbigelow]

Just When I Thought I Had Things Under Control…

Sigh… owning a house is great and all, but when there’s a leak in your ceiling? Ugh. Here’s how to prevent and clear a clogged air conditioning drain line.

Going to tell you right now: this story isn’t quite finished yet. I found a temporary solution, but I’m more or less going ahead and posting this so that someone will run up to their attic and immediately take care of this, before you have to deal with a ceiling leak.

Let’s start with what we all know is never a good sign: the dreaded ceiling stain:

I knew it couldn’t be good. I’ll be partnering with a drywall brand later this fall, and while I was at their headquarters earlier this month (recap coming next week), I heard a quote that proved to be way too ominous:

When it comes to owning a house, it’s not a matter of IF you’ll have a moisture issue. It’s WHEN.

Little did I know how true that was about to be. I’ve always said that my house has a sass all its own, and once again, she interrupted my plans. It was as though my house overheard that quote and manifested an example so I could have a story ready to go. I didn’t want to do a tutorial on ceiling stains, but my house is like, “Drywall? Ok, I got you, boo. Check this out!”

But this, of course, isn’t the project I wanted to do this fall — it’s something else that’s way more exciting and cool.

Frig friggity frig-frig — freaking dammit.

Anyway, I saw the leak and at first thought it might be a sweating/condensation issue. It’s been raining practically EVERY DAY this summer and humid beyond belief. So, I figured that turning the A/C up when we went to visit K’s parents the other weekend might have created a problem, similar to how I learned that leaving the door open might freeze up my A/C (as it turns out, your childhood scolding wasn’t just a “bought air” issue). Working on the deck and shed, I’ve certainly noticed how soggy everything in general has been this summer.

Not to panic, I thought. I‘ll just monitor it and let it dry out. If it did, I could just cover over the stain and be done with it and have learned a lesson. I also had one of K’s brother’s visiting overnight at the time, so I was in a frenzy and really couldn’t spend time thinking on it.

(Which is obviously stupid, because ceiling leaks don’t give a damn about your schedule.)

The next day, it started to drip. And I knew immediately it was a bigger problem. So, I grabbed a tarp and a cardboard box and started cutting the ceiling open. I certainly know enough to handle a drywall patch, so it was more of trying to protect ruining the floor more than anything.

To humor myself, I put a neglected plant underneath the drip to give the plant a little water. Lemons —-> lemonade.

After K and I investigated the drip a little more, we had to keep cutting a hole to find the source. I  suspected that the leak might be further away, since the stain was forming right along a drywall seam (which would make it a path-of-least-resistance type thing, where water would seep through a vulnerable spot, even if the drip behind it originates somewhere else). The leak was coming from inside the house a spot closer to the actual wall/joists, near a duct.

It occurred to both of us: if you go straight up from this point, it’s between two walls and directly in line with the air conditioner in the attic. DAMMIT. The more I cut, the more it became a steady flow.

Tip: If the drip is splashing on your floor, drape a towel over the bucket.

After looking through a number of articles online, YouTube videos, speaking to my dad, and more, it seemed the most likely culprit was a clogged AC condensation line.

How to Prevent a Clog in Your Air Conditioner’s Condensate Drain Line

The purpose of an air conditioner’s condensate drain line is kind of in the name: to drain excess water. As the HVAC system does its thing, water is produced, and it needs a drip line to take that water from the HVAC system in the attic or basement and outside the home (you know, where it won’t leak through your ceiling). You can often locate the end of this drip line outside, near your A/C unit.

There’s also often an overflow line and a drip pan underneath the indoor HVAC system, so that in the case that the line gets clogged, it will fill the pan and reach the overflow line and still run out of the house. So, why did I still have this issue?

Unfortunately, this whole setup usually doesn’t get much love until there’s damage. Clogs and blockages form from algae and mold buildup. Metal drip pans can rust through. To prevent this buildup, it’s recommended to use distilled vinegar or bleach and pour it into the line at an access point (there’s usually a valve somewhere along the drain line where you can open it and pour it in). Doing so on a regular basis (a good time is every spring just before turning on the A/C for the first time),  you should have no problem. If you ever hear a gurgling, or bubbling sound behind your wall, this would be a good time to check too.

But get this: even if you hire someone to regularly service your HVAC system each year, this is commonly forgotten to be checked on. So first, you have to know about this to even ask the person if they checked it. Anyone see the problem with that???

How to Clear a Clogged Air Conditioning Drain Line

You Might Need

shop vac

towel and bucket

duct tape

distilled vinegar , bleach, or drain line buildup remover

funnel or something with a narrow pouring spout

drain snake or a drain line gun

Steps

Turn off the A/C power at the thermostat and the breaker.

Locate the drip pan beneath the HVAC system. If it’s got standing water in it, you probably have a clog. Shop vac it out or use a towel to soak up the water. I sincerely doubt you will, but you should also clean the pan with soap while you’re at it.

Go outside and locate the end of the drain opening. Use the shop vac again for a minute or two (put your hand around the valve and end of the shop vac if you want to improve suction, or use some super cheap dollar-store duct tape that never sticks well to anything when you want it to). You might hear debris getting sucked up, but check the shop vac’s contents if you’re not sure. You might also see some really gross sludge fall out of the line.

Locate the access valve (if there is one). It will look like a T-shaped vent with a PVC cover. Using a funnel, small cup with a spout, or similar (I used a watering can with a really narrow mouth), pour a little distilled vinegar or bleach into the line.

Allow it to sit for a little while (go watch an episode on Netflix & come back), then flush with water. Have someone outside on the phone with you when you do this to confirm if the line is now clear.

If the above doesn’t work, you can try snaking the clog, blasting it with a canister of air (my dad does this), or calling a pro (hopefully a guy who will remember to check this for you the next time he services your system).

In my case, not only was my line clogged, but:

My drip pan was rusted through in one spot. That’s what was causing it to leak in the house, because water wasn’t catching where it should have been.

Even if I had known about this prior, my drain line setup had no valve to pour anything into. While this might still work if you can remove the fitting on the edge of the drain pan, mine was stuck on tight and really awkward to move in its current layout. So, we had to cut the line and reroute the water flow temporarily into the overflow drain line.

Drain lines are recommended to be slightly titled at a downward angle to better assist with water flow. Guess what — nope.

There are a number of turns in mine, so the clog has been building up slowly for years.

What’s next:

As I mentioned, my tale is not quite over yet, but at least we have the A/C running and I’m confident we’ll be able to get this fixed. We’ll need to clear the clog and reroute the drain line back to normal, add an access valve, and replace the drip pan. We’ll probably also look into installing an overflow sensor in the overflow line, so we can be alerted in case it happens again (yay, technology!).

Oh yeah — and patch the hole in the living room ceiling. I’ll have that tutorial for you sometime in the future.

So, now you know! I hope this info someday helps someone prevent a clog and an expensive repair bill. If it does, please come back here and tell me so I know I prevented damage in the process of earning mine.

The post Just When I Thought I Had Things Under Control… appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

More Where That Came From

How to Fix a Leaking Outdoor Faucet

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