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lalathemediterraneanmermaid · 2 months ago

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Love & Deepspace Boys and how do they smell like

Hi, hello, how are you, my beloveds? Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the game 'Love and Deepspace.' I haven’t started playing yet (my phone is completely out of storage, tragic, I know), but hear me out: THE CHARACTERS. OMG, THE CHARACTERS. Anyway, today I bring you my thoughts on what I think each LaDs boy smells like. Enjoy!!!

Caleb

I know, I know, Caleb is a new character who was an npc in the beginning and we know little about him. But I’ve seen his release trailer and I think we can work with that. He is depicted as friendly, approachable, energetic, grounded and fresh, but in his release trailer we can see a darker side of him (he is now literally an android, I mean, he has a robotic arm). While my poor boy was an npc, he seemed naturally warm and friendly, with a light, refreshing personality and an approachable and energetic vibe. It appears apples are a symbol of him, and apples are naturally fresh and sweet. We can also see a more calm and peaceful side of him while he interacts with MC. But this sense of calmness, airiness and freshness, ends up a bit left aside with his release trailer, that gives a more obscure and mysterious aura with a lot of angst. He is giving me “good boy gone bad” vibes if you know what I mean… He seems to be seeking revenge (just my opinion). And it’s not just the vibes, he seems hella toxic and possessive.

That being said, his scent matches that vibe of “good boy with a dark secret”. Caleb's scent would be fresh and vibrant at first, reminiscent of his warm, approachable beginnings, but it will fade pretty quickly, settling into something smoky, leathery, and grounding. This duality captures his essence as someone torn between his apparent goodness and the weight of his transformation, or may I say his true self? I would also say he smells pretty clean, like aftershave or something similar, why? I don’t really know, it’s just a vibe.

Notes: Green apple, bergamot, lavender, smoky vetiver and dark amber.

Perfumes:

Yves Saint Laurent - Y

Creed - Spice & Wood

Le Labo - Bergamote 22

Dior - Sauvage (this one for the toxic part lol)

Tom Ford - Oud Wood

Rafayel

Okay, we DO KNOW Rafayel, he is our favourite diva drama queen. Now let’s get serious. Rafayel is a passionate, fiery (lol), playful, artistic and a teeny-weeny bit mischievous fine pisces man. Lemme explain, Rafayel's vibe is that of a passionate, creative soul with an intense drive to express himself through art. To others he's quite aloof, cold even, stopping at nothing to achieve his goals, even if his actions may seem morally ambiguous. But with those who really know him, he has a fiery and dynamic personality, much like his artwork, which leaves a profound impact on those who view it. Though with MC, he tends to act pretty carefree, petulant and childish, Rafayel is a tease and really likes to act clingy around her, but just around HER. Also, he is pretty, like beautiful, ETHEREAL (literally, he is a merman) and he appreciates fine art and beauty. His art is mood-influenced, the colors he uses depend on his feelings. Also, there’s a mix of sensuality and intensity in his character.

With all that information about our fish boy Rafayel we can tell that he, more or less, smells like paints (obviously), but he also smells really clean, fresh and a bit sweet, but overall light, fresh and airy, beautiful. On top of all of that, he is nostalgic of the ocean, so there’s clearly something aquatic about his scent.

Notes: Sea salt, yuzu, bergamot, white jasmine, ambergris, cherry, dry woods and paint accords.

Perfumes:

Jo Malone - Wood Sage & Sea Salt

Loewe - Agua Él

Giorgio Armani - Acqua di Gio Profondo

Issey Miyake - L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme

Calvin Klein - Eternity Air for Men

Xavier

Xavier, our sleepy boy. Only that says a lot about him. He is calm, caring, playful, overprotective and a bit obsessive towards MC. Xavier presents a serene, almost ethereal vibe, with a calm demeanor and a caring nature. He has a pure and angelic aura, but his occasional obsessive tendencies add complexity to his character. He won't even hesitate to eliminate anyone who threatens him or MC. He is quite mysterious though, with not so many facial expressions, his unknown age, that hidden need to have MC for his own… Which is pretty amusing to know given the fact that he has no problem falling asleep anywhere, anytime. Xavier has a boyish, endearing and otherworldly charm due to his awkward speech, mannerisms and lack of awareness of social norms. And lastly, I will say he has a kind of nurturing side, but he also demands you to nurture him lol.

With that being said, what does Xavier smell like? I can sense some fresh and clean notes along with other calming ones. I also can picture him spraying onto his bedsheets baby cologne, more specifically “Petits Et Mamans” by Bvlgari. I don’t really think we can “smell” that more obscure side of him, so it’s safe to say he smells light, fresh and clean.

Notes: White tea, baby powder, lavender, cotton blossom, musk and water lily.

Perfumes:

Bvlgari - Eau Parfumée au Thé Blanc

Clean Reserve - Skin

Maison Margiela Replica - Lazy Sunday Morning

Jo Malone - White Jasmine & Mint

Byredo - Blanche

Sylus

Sylus, my man, my beloved, the love of my life. Okay, now for real, Sylus gives off a strong, commanding aura, with an air of danger and mystery along with a strategic mind and cold, calculated nature. To make it easier to understand, he is giving major red flag vibes. He is the leader of Onychinus, so he definitely has leadership qualities that go well with his very defined ruthless attitude. He is sassy duh, and the definition of a tease. Sylus is an arrogant and confident man and rarely perceives anyone as a real threat. Even in dangerous situations, he remains calm and smug. His cruelty knows no bounds when it comes to achieving his goals, as he's willing to threaten or even kill to get what he wants. At the same time, there’s a hint of warmth in his character, he is a softy at heart, he loves his fluffy onesie. So he is not really that much of a red flag, he really cares for MC and it shows in his eyes on quite a lot of occasions. His vibe can be best described as dominant, powerful, mysterious, dark and a bit of a tease, yet deeply caring for MC..

Knowing both his cold and dangerous side and his warm and caring one, and looking at his “looks like could kill you, would kill you”, “bad boy”, “touch her and you die” vibe. His scent would likely be dark and intense, with a spicy, animalistic base, balanced by warm and seductive notes that reflect his caring side.

Notes: Leather, black pepper, tobacco, liqueur, amber and tonka bean.

Perfumes:

Tom Ford - Ombre Leather

Givenchy - Gentleman

Penhaligon's - The Dandy

Kilian Paris - Old Fashioned

Tom Ford - Tobacco Vanille

Zayne

Oh Zayne, my other man. At this point I don’t even care for my digital footprint anymore so let’s be honest, Zayne and Sylus could sandwich me in between them and I wouldn’t complain lol. Okay, back to our Zaddy Dr. Zayne, he is very professional and focused, as the perfect doctor he is. He is stoic and grounded, again, he is a doctor. My pookie appears to be cold at the beginning, but he is really caring, loving and a huge softie, and, of course, he is an indulgent with a sweet tooth lol. Let’s summarize, Zayne has a very serious and disciplined vibe, especially in his role as a doctor. He’s grounded, practical, and very level-headed. However, there’s a contrast in his character as well, he indulges in sweets and has a soft spot for certain comforts. His complexity lies in balancing his demanding profession with moments of personal relaxation. He is the complete opposite of Xavier, Zayne suffers a lot from bad nightmares and insomnia, my poor boy needs to sleep really bad. He gives off major 'girl dad' and husband material vibes, I mean, he literally focused his doctor career on researching congenital heart abnormalities in neonates and he learned how to braid hair by taking care of kids in Akso Hospital. He also strikes me as the loyal type, and if you don’t agree just look at his safe black outfit with sunglasses, he loves that outfit more than he loves MC I swear, and we love a consistent man. Outside the main story, Zayne displays a more affectionate personality with MC. He is also openly physically affectionate, often boldly holding or even kissing the main character. Btw, I love this fact that I’ve found on the internet: “Zayne's alcohol limit: One piece of liqueur chocolate.” and this one too: “When he's down with a cold, he dodges the medicine and insists on a hot cocoa instead.” He is so like me for real.

Okay, I’ll stop writing about Zayne before this turns into a full-blown thesis. about him lol. So, how does Zayne smell like? Fresh and clean with hints of sweet notes. We do have to remember that he works at a hospital, so, typically, it’s not common for doctors to wear perfumes, at least not the strong type. Considering this, I imagine that on a daily basis, he smells clean and fresh, with just a hint of sweetness. Outside the hospital, he likely keeps the same clean and fresh scent, though perhaps slightly stronger, sweeter and more noticeable. And, I also imagine he wears a perfume that’s simple yet undeniably luxurious, something niche and understated.

Notes: White musk, vetiver, bergamot, cedarwood, ambergris, vanilla and cocoa.

Perfumes:

Imaginary Authors: The Language of Glaciers

Zoologist - Snowy Owl

Creed - Silver Mountain Water

Guerlain - L'Homme Idéal Eau de Parfum

Chanel - Allure Homme Édition Blanche

And that’s all, my dears! I hope you’ve enjoyed this post! As always, it’s just based on my opinion. I’m really curious to know what you think our boys smell like!

#lads #lads sylus #lads zayne #lads xavier #lads rafayel #lads caleb #love and deepspace

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hellokittykookies · 23 days ago

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Pose for me - THREE

──── sypnosis ✮⋆˙ After years of running from the life you never wanted, you thought you had finally succeeded. erasing y/n, becoming ji-ha, and leaving your past behind. But then came him. A model you accidentally brought to a cotillion, a man effortlessly loved by the woman who had become family to you. And it just so happens He was connected to the one person you abandoned nine years ago. You were supposed to avoid him. To walk away. So why did you keep finding yourself right next to him?

──── pairings ✮⋆˙ Model! jk x Photographer! reader (y/n also ji ah)

──── genre ✮⋆˙ slow burn, fake dating, forced proximity, angst, romance, mutual pining, emotional hurt/comfort, smut, hidden identity, jealousy, Fashion industry au.

──── WC ✮⋆˙ 2k

You finally had a moment of peace.

No overly doting mother figures. No teasing best friends. No jungkook ruining your life.

Just you, your office, and the never-ending pile of work waiting to consume you.

You let out a long sigh, sinking into your chair, pressing your fingers against your temples. Everything was getting so unnecessarily complicated all because of one stupidly attractive Calvin Klein boy.

Before you could even begin to sort through your disaster of a life, your office door swung open.

Georgina strutted in, looking every bit the Saint Laurent-clad goddess she was, her Prada headband sitting perfectly atop her sleek black hair. She placed a thick folder onto your desk with a knowing smirk.

"Is it because of the Calvin Klein boy?"

You groaned, slumping deeper into your chair. "Don't even mention it."

Georgina plopped down onto the chair across from you, crossing one leg over the other as she inspected her perfectly manicured nails. "Oh, but I must mention it. Because judging from the absolute mess that is your energy- you're spiraling."

You let out a dramatic sigh. "And you know what's worse?" You looked at her, eyes wide with frustration. "He's best friends with my brother."

Georgina's head snapped up so fast you thought she might get whiplash.

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was," you muttered, rubbing your face.

Georgina had been one of the few people you actually trusted with the truth about your past. She knew about Kim Y/N, about the family you left behind. But the fact that fate had cruelly thrown Jungkook into your life. of all people!! was just too much.

Georgina blinked, letting the information process. Then, she grinned.

"Oh, this is so good."

You scowled. "How is this good?"

She sat up, eyes gleaming. "Your fake boyfriend is your brother's best friend? Babe, this is like a novel in real life."

"Do not romanticize this," you warned, stabbing a pen into your notebook.

Georgina smirked. "What are the chances he figures out who you really are?"

You went still.

Because that- that was the thought that had been clawing at the back of your mind all morning.

Jungkook didn't know.

But Taehyung did.

And if Taehyung decided to say anything

Your stomach twisted.

Georgina studied your reaction, her smirk faltering. "Shit. You're actually worried."

"I should be," you muttered. "I built my entire life away from them. I can't let this unravel."

She exhaled, suddenly serious. "Alright. What's the plan?"

"Simple," you said, standing up and smoothing out your blouse. "I avoid Jungkook. I focus on work. And I never-"

A knock on your door cut you off.

Your assistant peeked inside. "Um, Miss Ji Ha? You have a visitor."

You frowned. "I don't have any meetings scheduled- "

But then, the door pushed open further.

And there he was.

Jeon Jungkook, standing in your office, looking like he belonged there.

His Calvin Klein contract may have ended, but he was still effortlessly modelesque. black turtleneck, tailored trousers, silver earrings catching the light. He had that look in his eyes. The one that said he knew exactly how much he was getting under your skin.

He smirked. "Miss me?"

Georgina gasped dramatically. "Oh, this is good."

You shot her a glare before turning back to Jungkook. "What are you doing here?"

Jungkook tilted his head like he was thinking. "Hmm... what was it you said the other night?" He tapped his chin dramatically. "'Let's not meet again, Jungkook'?" His lips curled into a smirk. "Yeah, I ignored that."

Your jaw clenched. "I can see that."

He took a slow step closer, looking way too pleased with himself. "I was in the area."

You exhaled sharply, already annoyed. "Oh, really? And you just happened to find my office? In a secured building?"

He grinned. "Fate, maybe?"

Georgina choked on her coffee. "Oh, I like him."

You ignored her. "Seriously, Jungkook, what do you want?"

His smirk deepened. "Mother in law invited me to dinner again."

You froze.

"Don't call her that," you snapped.

"Well, she insists," he said with a casual shrug. "Didn't want to be rude, so I said yes."

Your soul left your body.

"You what?"

Jungkook raised a brow. "I said yes."

Georgina gasped dramatically, looking back and forth between you two. "You did what?"

Your hands fisted at your sides. "Jungkook, you are not my real boyfriend!"

Jungkook sighed, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "There you go again, gatekeeping our love story."

"There is no love story!"

Georgina covered her mouth, fully laughing now.

Jungkook ignored both of you and leaned back against your desk, still very much unbothered.

"You should be grateful, sweetheart," he mused. "I'm saving you from awkward questions and annoying blind dates. I'm practically doing community service."

Your eye twitched. "You're a menace."

Jungkook grinned. "So I've been told."

You exhaled sharply, pressing your fingers to your temples. "Okay, fine. One more dinner. That's it."

Jungkook hummed like he didn't believe you at all. "Sure, sweetheart. One more."

Something about the way he said it unnerved you.

Like he already knew this wasn't the last time.

Like he was planning to stay.

Before you could snap at him again, he casually glanced around your office. "By the way," he said, eyes scanning the fashion sketches pinned to the walls. "I really like your designs."

You blinked. "What?"

Jungkook turned to you, and for once. his expression wasn't teasing. "Your work. It's good."

You stared at him, thrown off completely.

Because he actually sounded... genuine.

But you weren't about to let him see that his words got to you.

So you scoffed. "Of course it's good. I'm talented."

Jungkook chuckled, pushing off your desk. "Glad you finally admit it."

You crossed your arms, eyes narrowing. "Anything else? Or are you finally leaving?"

Jungkook smirked, taking a step toward the door. "I'll see you at dinner, Ji Ha."

Then, just before stepping out, he turned back slightly.

"Oh, and don't be late. Wouldn't want your mum to think we're fighting."

And with that, he was gone.

Georgina turned to you, mouth hanging open.

"...You hate him, right?" she asked.

You grabbed a stress ball from your desk and chucked it at the door.

"More than anything."

────୨ৎ────

This was a disaster.

Not only was Jungkook still here, but Jane's mom was gushing over him again, and you were trapped.

Dinner had started off fine. normal, even. You focused on your food, ignored Jungkook's presence, and prayed this would end quickly. But then Jane's mom had started talking.

And now, there was no escape.

"You know," she mused, swirling her wine, eyes twinkling with nostalgia, "Jungkook reminds me so much of Jane's father when we were younger."

You choked on your drink.

Jane's dad merely grunted from behind his newspaper, while Jane snorted into her fork.

"Oh God, Mum, please don't start," Jane groaned.

Jungkook, however, looked far too entertained. He leaned forward slightly, resting his chin on his hand. "Really? How so?"

You knew he was just encouraging her. He was doing this on purpose.

Jane's mom sighed dreamily. "Oh, just the way you look at Y/N. So charming, so full of admiration. It's the same way my husband used to look at me when we first started dating."

Jungkook turned to you with a shit-eating grin.

You stabbed your salad.

"I mean, just look at him!" Jane's mom continued, beaming. "So polite, so well-dressed, so attentive! I love that he puts in the effort."

Jungkook sighed dramatically. "I do try."

"Such a gentleman," Jane's mom agreed.

Jane's dad grunted again.

"Remember when Dad used to drive an hour just to bring you lunch when you were in college?" Jane teased, nudging her mom.

Jane's mom sighed, placing a hand over her heart. "Oh, yes! I see so much of that in Jungkook. It's so rare to find young men like this these days."

You wanted to die.

"Ugh, please," Jane's boyfriend groaned playfully. "You're making the rest of us look bad."

Jungkook laughed, looking far too pleased.

Meanwhile, you were sitting there, silently plotting murder.

"Don't you just love him, Y/N?" Jane's mom asked suddenly, clasping her hands together.

Jungkook turned to you so fast, waiting for your answer, his smirk practically glued to his face.

Your left eye twitched.

You forced a very tight smile. "Oh, yeah. Just adorable."

Jungkook bit back a laugh.

Jane's mom sighed, completely missing your sarcasm. "Oh, dear, I just knew you two were meant to be."

────୨ৎ────

By some miracle, you managed to escape.

Jungkook didn't stay the night.

After dinner, he stood, stretching casually as he grabbed his coat. "As much as I'd love to stay and make Y/N even more comfortable around me," he teased, "I have some things to take care of."

You let out a breath of pure relief.

Jane's mom pouted. "Oh, that's a shame! You're welcome here anytime, dear."

Jungkook grinned. "I'll hold you to that."

You were already grabbing his arm, steering him toward the front door.

"Come on, let's not keep him any longer," you said through gritted teeth, dragging him outside before Jane's mom could adopt him fully.

The night air was cool as you stepped onto the driveway, stopping just before his sleek black car. The glow of the streetlights flickered above, casting a soft golden hue over everything.

You crossed your arms, looking up at him. "Finally leaving?"

Jungkook stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, tilting his head slightly. "Miss me already?"

You scoffed. "Not even close."

He chuckled, shaking his head before unlocking his car. "You're fun to mess with, Ji Ji-yah."

"Don't call me that."

He opened the driver's side door, but before getting in he turned toward you.

And then, out of nowhere, he leaned down and pressed a quick peck to your cheek.

You froze.

Your entire body locked up, heart slamming against your ribs.

Jungkook pulled back, his expression unreadable for a moment before that infuriating smirk returned.

You blinked, completely thrown, before stepping back sharply.

"Don't ever do that, Jeon Jungkook," you said, voice low and sharp.

Jungkook just chuckled, tilting his head as he stepped into his car.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

And just like that, he drove off, leaving you standing there, fists clenched at your sides, your heart still pounding from something you refused to acknowledge.

────୨ৎ────

"You got her?" Taehyung's voice came through, amused as ever.

Jungkook smirked. "You two really are siblings- so feisty."

"Shut up, Jungkook," Taehyung muttered. "You didn't tell her anything about me, did you?"

Jungkook froze for half a second.

Because he had mentioned it.

She had gone completely silent.

He rolled his shoulders back, forcing a smirk. "No, of course not," he lied smoothly.

Taehyung hummed. "Good. I was at her friend's sister's cotillion the other night."

Jungkook chuckled. "Oh yeah, saw you."

If only Taehyung knew how close he had been.

Jungkook ended the call, exhaling as he stared at the city skyline ahead.

Something wasn't adding up.

And now, he was determined to figure out what.

──── end of the chapter ────

──── taglist ✮⋆˙ @lovingkoalaface @mar-lo-pap @wintaemoonjen @bgfdcvbnjk @whothefuckisthishoe @honeybloomyyyy @snow-strawberry

Go to my masterlist for the next chapter!

#rispwr #bts #bts x reader #jungkook ff #jungkook #jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #hellokittykookies #hellokittykookie fics

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jinxedmuse · 2 years ago

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seventeen ot13 reaction + head cannon: if they had a black cat personality type s/o that showed affection (not so) subtly

authors note: hiii! enjoy these quick scenarios i wrote today bcs i realllyyy miss the boys! a lot of these were hard to write but i tried staying true to their personal ideal types + how the members like to receive affection! enjoy :,)

special dt to: @chwecandi mi new amiga! ty 4 being crazy over the boys with me 😭🫂

warnings: none, some kisses here & there but nothing suggestive, should be gender neutral, teeth rotting fluff <3

choi seungcheol: acts of service s/o

scoups knows you aren’t the outwardly affectionate type and respects that but he is such a baby boy :(

as the maknae of his family & yet the eldest + leader of 12 men he NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF FROM TIME TO TIME (almost all the time) !! he’d be coming home from work exhausted but craving your touch.

you’d give him the quickest peck on the cheek (right on his dimple) before pushing him towards the bathroom.

“why, whyyy, i wanna cuddle!!” he’d complain all pouty :(((

he opens the door and almost cries on the spot. you had prepared him a piping hot water bath with lavender scented epsom salt for any possible soreness and roses for extra hydration. his towel was already hung up as was his robe for when he got out.

he immediately turns back and looks at you like???? why are you the best person ever??? gives you kisses all over your face repeatedly, you tilt your head back trying to dodge some but you secretly loved it.

“okay cheollie get in before it gets cold, choo go away.” you’d complain.

he smiles and starts undressing himself at your order. he gets into the tub and lets out a pleasurable sigh, feeling instantly relaxed. you give a smile at the doorway, happy that your person was content. you’re about to close the door when he suddenly called your name.

“you’re not gonna join me?”

p.s (you joined him ;)

rest of members below!

yoon jeonghan: words of affirmation + acts of service s/o

you and jeonghan enter a new restaurant together. he had been excited, seeing an ad about it a few weeks before it’s opening and wanted to take you but he was too busy to ever make any reservations himself.

so, you had secretly done it yourself to line it up with his free schedule.

“booths or table?” the waiter ask and before jeonghan could answer you spoke up. “table, please.”

jeonghan pouted but followed the lead, heading to your table. “babe, i wanted the booths so i could be closer to you” he said as he sat down on the opposite side of you.

to be honest, you had always found couples who sat in booths up each others asses were frustrating to look at. maybe it’s just because you weren’t the biggest fan of physical touch.

and, today jeonghan had his short black hair styled so that he had slight layers and a bang. he was wearing a black button up with the sleeves rolled up. his black and gold yves saint laurent bracelet fully showing around his slightly veiny arm. you wanted to admire him face to face and the best way to do that was with tables.

so you told him that.

“i wanted you in my direct line of view. you look handsome.” you replied nonchalantly, focusing back on the menu.

he nearly got out his seat to give you a kiss then and there. yoon jeonghan was without a doubt, an insane visual. he was aware of the effect his looks had on people but he was so used to being called: beautiful, pretty etc, especially when he had his longer hair so this felt new. it made his heart flutter.

your words were always so straightforward yet no matter how long you had been dating, they always had an effect on him.

jeonghan put a hand over his heart, making sure it was still beating properly because he could’ve sworn it skipped a beat.

“y/n” he said your name gently, full of love. you looked up, confused at the sudden tone, there was a clear shift in the air that felt way too emotional for you.

“you know how much i love you, right?” he asked. it was a rhetorical question. you knew clear and through, and you had always made sure to let him know as well since too much of physical touch or pda made you slightly uncomfortable.

“i know, i do too.” you replied with a smirk. he was about to speak up once more but the waiter came up to your table, breaking the tension in the air.

hong joshua: gift giving s/o

“ahh babe, this is the third gift you’ve already given me in the last two weeks.” he adorably complained, looking at the new box sitting in front of him.

you pushed his head to the side before pointing at the box. “open it.” you ordered. excited for him to see what would be inside.

he complied, opening up the box and the smile never left his face. it was a perfume making set with customized bottles that had his name on them.

he was practically beaming from ear to ear. eyes almost disappearing as he smiled.

he looked adorable.

you wanted to say it but you always had a problem with cheesy things or just putting your words together in general. so you bought him things, anything he wanted, stuff he looked at for a second; just to see that smile.

joshua turned to embrace you, pulling you into a big hug. you hesitated for a moments before hugging back, hand patting his back slightly awkwardly.

“i really appreciate all this, and you most of all. seriously.”

your heart quite literally skipped a beat but you’d rather eat a 100k scorch level peoper before admitting that.

[a/n: didn’t really mention it but i feel like we all collectively know joshua is 100% the giving type as well >< !!]

wen junhui: quality time s/o

if you were a black cat, wen junhui was an orange one through and through. sure, your boyfriend looked cold but he was a cinnamon role embodied to you and his members.

always finding a new prank to play, new flirting technique he learned on the internet or simply finding any excuse to touch you. it was often overwhelming but you loved him regardless.

jun recently started feeling like he was annoying you, you could tell because whenever he’d be rambling about something he’d cut himself short on his own accord. you’d tell him to continue but he’d simply say it wasn’t important.

it hurt you that he felt that way and you wanted him to know that you didn’t find him annoying. you valued him and his company and didn’t mind if that came along with his constant tricks.

that’s why you called him over your apartment one day after his schedule. he came over, slightly worried because he usually had to make the first move to hang out.

you opened the door and there he was, standing in all his glory. you opened the door wider and he came through, instinctively going in for a hug which you allowed.

“soo..” he started shyly, looking around your apartment.

“what did you plan on doing today?” he asked you, meeting your eyes, searching to see if it would give away what you were scheming.

but you weren’t scheming anything, you simply missed your boyfriend.

“nothing, just missed your presence.” you replied coyly, looking down at your feet before looking back up at him and ohhhh boy was he smiling like a cheshire cat.

you made your way to you living room and flooped down on your couch, he followed behind you and watched you.

you patted the empty seat next to you while looking up at him.

“sit next to me, please.”

that’s all it took for him to practically leap onto the couch, claiming his space next to you. he pulled you into an embrace before settling down and laying his head on your lap.

kwon soonyoung: gift giving + physical touch

you had just left a restaurant with your boyfriend and you were now walking around your favorite secluded park.

you stop in your tracks once you remembered something, “oh right, i have something for you.”

hoshi looks at you, his pink lips forming into a pout. “well this is awkward because i have something for you too.” he’d say.

you pull out the gifs at the same time and you both can’t help but laugh, they were both jewelry boxes.

“ah kwon soonyoung, what am i going to do with you?” you asked teasingly, he’d be so exited like a cute hamster tiger, urging you to open his first.

you open it and sure enough, it’s a ring from the matching couple set the brand had to offer. he’d open yours and it was the necklace/chain version from the same brand.

“i think we’re actually meant to be” he’d say in suchhhh a serious tone it’d make your heart flutter.

“yeah right, as in fate?” you’d say walking away, (after putting on your gifts of course >:( !!), when he’d suddenly tug you back into him.

a warm embrace on a cold winter day, he places a gentle kiss on your head before releasing you and you can’t help but smile.

he truly knew how to make you the shyest person on earth.

jeon wonwoo: words of affirmation? (he talks x you listen) + quality time

jeon wonwoo had a cold and quiet persona but those close to him knew it was all but true.

he was silly, loving when people reacted well to his jokes. he loved learning or reading something new and rushing to tell his loved ones (you) his new learned information, most of all, he loved interactive video games.

he had invited you over about 2 hours ago and you guys were currently sitting on his couch, playing a newly released game side by side.

while you were playing, he had been rambling on about his day. everything from what time he had to wake up, rehearsals, how there was a new makeup artist, comeback concept, and even the last joke hoshi made as they were leaving set.

making sure not to leave anything out even as he concentrated on the game.

it was no longer you turn during the game so while he was wrapping up his story you took a hand and brought it up to his head, petting his hair gently before letting your hand rest at the nape of his neck for a second.

“you’ve been working so hard. you’re doing really well. i’m beyond proud of you woo.” is all you’d say before retreating your hand and picking up your controller once more.

he looked at you, a warm feeling in his stomach. ever since he got with you, he truly learned what (romantic) love was.

“i’m so glad you’re mine.” he’d reply, his cute smile taking over his face before he’d focused back on his game.

[a/n: K!LL ME NOW I WANT HIM SO BAD??\€£\ okay u may continue]

lee jihoon: quality time/physical touch (+ acts of service if u squint)

composer s/o x producer woozi

are you kidding me? this man is head over heels in love with you. and he’s very apparent about that, in his own way.

you guys are both black cats so the whole pda and overally affectionate aspect is out the window but behind closed doors? in the confines of your own houses/studios?

whole different story.

you guys compose and produce music with one or the other on each others lap. gently playing with each others hair, rubbing each others stomach, and sometimes he massages your thigh. nothing inherently sexual about it, he just loves touching you. doesn’t even realize he’s doing it sometimes.

when you’re too busy to see each other he’d ask you to send him a voice note and you would (so confused?) next thing you know he adds it to the beginning or ending of a song he’s working on. adding it to your private mixtape for each other :(

when he’s working too hard, you’d sneak into his studio, keeping him company quietly. you’d place a energy drink and some food by him, patting his hair before giving him a gentle peck on the cheek.

“you’re working hard, take care of yourself as well babe. call me when you’re done, i reserved (seats/tickets/etc) for us around (insert time)”

he’d literally melt???

lee seokmin: acts of service + words of affirmation

you guys are sooooo grumpy x sunshine coded :(((((

oh heavens, he loves u sm like it’s BAD for him??? GET UP DK!

you’d be exiting a restaurant and notice he’s a bit too tall for the walk way door thingy (spare me) so you’d go on your tippy toes and have your hand over it, protecting his head in case he hit himself.

(his heart nearly exploded at the action please let him rest)

it’d be cold outside and he’d have no gloves. you give him one of yours (albeit his hands are wayy bigger) but he’d still be so grateful.

with both your gloveless hands, you’d take them and put them in your pocket. keeping them away from the cold.

(he blushed so bad he litch got warm, give him a warning?)

one day while taking pictures, he didn’t like how any of them turned turned out. you aren’t (really?) on social media so you couldn’t understand the dynamics of the right angle, right lighting and his need to capture the “perfect bf material pic”

whatever that meant??

you let him complain all he wanted but you get annoyed the second he even ATTEMPTS to slander his looks (absolute blasphemy in your books!)

“my (insert body part) makes me look a littl-“ before he can even finish his sentence you cut him off.

“it makes you look too handsome. you’re right, don’t post he pics; i’m not ready to keep sharing my boyfriend with the world.” you’d say in the most seemingly serious tone??? (you were being 100% serious)

he dropped his phone onto the couch, no longer caring about the pictures and pulled you down onto him. the biggest smile on his face as though he won the lottery.

“it hurts how much i love you.” he’d say.

kim mingyu: also acts of service + words of affirmation

husband material gyu 100% loves getting taken care of after (also) having to cook and clean for/after his members who tease him relentlessly (pos i swear!!)

he’d come home sooo tired after a long day of filming content, all he wanted to do was sleep.

you’d be too busy to greet him at the door. in the kitchen, cooking him his favorite comfort meal for the night.

he comes in the kitchen, giving you a back hug as you finished up the last dash.

“i knew i smelled something delicious, my favorite person cooking my favorite meal.”

he attempts to give you a kiss but you had honestly felt stuffy from being in the kitchen so long and your face was kinda sweaty “ahhh gyu noo, at least let me shower first” you’d complain, letting him hug you but pulling your head away.

he’d pout but understand, backing up to give you your space. you’d turn around seeing him pout, God was it adorable but you stood your ground.

“also, the bed is already made and i have some comfortable clothes laid out for you once you’re done eating & your shower.”

he’d smile so lovingly like what did he do to deserve you??? and his heart grows even fonder once you said:

“tell me about your day over dinner, you’ve been doing so much and i’m super proud but i’ve missed you.”

if he worshipped anyone it would 100% be you. you were his knight in shining armoire especially after long days like this.

xu minghao: quality time + acts of service

you guys are adorably in love with each other i’m jealous! he paints you so much (+places you’ve been tg & etc) that he could practically open up a museum of his fondest memories of you.

you weren’t so bad at the art either so one day you decided to surprise him.

you didn’t even hear him once he came home.

“babe?” he’d call out in the cutest voice, looking for you. he needed to recharge and you are 100% his vitamin.

he’d find you in your office working on a painting of??? him??? if his heart could grow any bigger for you it just did.

“wow, i think i’m in love with you?” his voice would startle yo, pulling you out of your train of thoughts while painting.

“oh hey ming” is all you’d say with a timid smile before returning to your work.

“well, i’ll let you finish up” he’d but you almost get whiplash from how fast you turned around.

“no! i have some nido soup i made earlier in the pot. it should be still kinda warm. heat yourself some and pull up a chair next to me.”

(his heart just did a back flip btw)

he smiled ohhhh so beautifully yk that one smile he does when he’s looking at the members fondly? yeah that one ughhh :(

boo seungkwan: words of affirmation

boo is wayyyy more sensitive then he lets on. he needs all the love and support you have to offer because our boy works hard :(

since you can’t see each other often because of all his promotions, you had an idea! a very cheesy one but an idea nonetheless!

you had a heart shaped jar, on it you wrote “for me boo: seungkwan” . inside the jar were 100 exact folded sticky notes filled with things you absolutely adored about him.

small things from how cute he looked when he scrunched up his nose when he laughed to deeper things only the two of you spoke about on late night, reminders that you truly paid attention to him.

now a part of you was physically in pain from this but oh the moment you thought about how happy he would be you didn’t care how sappy it was.

you gave it to his manager to give it to him after one of his shoots. he opened it in the car, reading one was all it took for him to start balling.

he called you right after and immediately planned a date night, suddenly not being able to handle the absence of your presence ;(

(you found out he keeps these with him at all times whenever he needs a pick me up)

chwe vernon hansol: words of affirmation

like big time HELLO SHOWER HIM IN PRAISE FOR THE BEAUTIFUL BOY HE IS ??? (but also don’t overwhelm him!! be the smooooth ass mf ik u are!)

you guys are chilling on his couch, watching his newly released music video. his head on your lap as you played with his ear (which he’s absolutely smitten over but it’s hard for him to admit that)

his part comes up and your heart rate litch goes faster the moment he’s on the screen.

“you look really good in this shot.” you’d say, trying to keep your cool and collected composure.

“oh yeah?” he’d reply. no longer looking at the video but positioning himself to where he’s looking at you.

you continue talking, avoiding eye contact because you know you can’t handle the way he looks up at you with his pretty brown eyes through his long lashes.

“yeah. your voice and your style of rap is cool, it makes me want to constantly rewind just to see it again. i’m proud of all the work you do, i wish you could appreciate yourself the way i do you.”

and ohhhh my?? if you didn’t have his heart before (which you did) you CERTAINLY had it now!

if you picked him up, he’d probably be a pile of mush. to say your words had an effect on him was an understatement.

you as a whole rocked his world. undoubtedly.

lee chan: quality time + acts of service

you entered the practice room quietly, trying not to disturb the younger guy but he immediately turns around. a big smile on his face as soon as he sees you.

“baby, i missed you!” he’d say with the CUTEST face ever might i add???

you smiled and held up both your hands, takeout in one and drinks in the other.

“you’ve been copped up in here almost all day, i got you some stuff.” you’d say. he knew you weren’t trying to baby him although you were older, just worried that you boyfriend hasn’t fed himself properly today.

“i know i know, i have a new choreo i wanna learn for danceology”

you looked at him with fondness, he truly worked so hard. it was nothing but admirable.

“well then don’t mind me, i’ll sit over there” you pointed to in front of the mirror. you wanted a full view of him working his magic.

“you wanna watch me dance?” he’d ask all cutely (yk how when he was a question for one of the older members :(???)

you nodded, small smile on your face and he got sooo excited! he can do something he loves in front of the person he loves and then eat some food he loves???? triple win!

[a/n: he is the cutest ever i Want to bash my head into a wall also thank you so much if you read all i hope i destroyed ur view of parasocial relationships 🙂! stay safe & enjoy ur day/night!!!!! xoxo]

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winmance · 6 months ago

Text

Swipe Right for Family Discount!

Damen looks at himself in his rearview mirror one last time, repositioning his hair correctly and checking his teeth to make sure no salad has gotten stuck into it. He’s not usually this stressed before going on a date, but he’s also not usually that interested. He hasn’t told Nikandros yet, refusing to see the disapproval on his friend’s face, but he thinks this may be it for him. He’s been talking to Laurent for less than a week and yet, he already can’t think of anything else. Every second of his day is spent thinking about him and even when he’s sleeping, his brain finds a way to bring Laurent in his dreams. Which is crazy, considering that today will be the first time meeting him.

Laurent is the one who chose the restaurant, and his choice surprised Damen, but he didn’t think much about it. Looking back, he probably should have questioned Laurent about choosing a family place for their dinner, but you don’t know what you don’t ask.

It doesn’t take him more than a few seconds to spot Laurent in the restaurant. It feels like a movie when the music starts to play and everything goes in slow motion. His hair is so blond that the light seems to reflect on it. His blue eyes are on Damen in an instant, deep and cold. He’s not wearing expensive clothes but he’s in all black, with not an inch of skin showing. He’s the most beautiful human being Damen has ever seen and he hopes Laurent is going to like him because there’s no way Damen will be able to live knowing that such beauty walks on Earth.

The slow motion stops the moment someone steps into Laurent’s personal space.

At first Damen frowns, until he realizes it’s a kid and then he thinks the boy must be lost but then - then Laurent’s eyes leave him and focus on the boy and he doesn’t seem to care that the boy is so close to him, that their feet are touching.

That’s when Damen realizes something is wrong.

“Hello Damen,” Laurent says.

“Hello Damen,” the boy next to him repeats.

“Hey, I… uh… You are…”

“This is Nicaise. My babysitter was sick. It says on your profile that you love kids.”

“I’m a kid,” the kid says.

“I do,” Damen says. “Nice to meet you. Both of you.”

He loves kids, yes, but on his first date? He’s not sure. Laurent’s profile didn’t mention a kid. Let alone a teenager. He’s not the best at math but even if Laurent had the kid at sixteen, it still would be impossible for him to be this big.

A normal man should have run. In fact, Damen is pretty sure that if he could google “What does it mean if your crush brings their kid that they didn’t tell you about to your first date?” he would find out that this is one of the biggest red flags ever.

But Damen is not a normal man and so he leads the way to their table and he pulls out the chair for both of them. Nicaise giggles while Laurent barely smiles. Damen tries to blame it on stress, but they’re barely two minutes into their date and Laurent is already holding his head, looking extremely bored, which is strange because they talked so much by text that Damen thought the conversation would go smoothly.

“I watched the show you talked about,” Damen says. His throat feels tight with how tense the situation is. “Into the fire? The documentary about the missing girl.”

“You did?”

Laurent seems surprised and for a few seconds, he even lifts his head to look at Damen.

“Yes. It was really good.”

“I thought you didn’t like true crime documentaries.”

“Yes but you said you liked it, so I thought I should watch it too.”

“Can I watch it?” Nicaise asks.

“Absolutely not. Do you hear me? It’s a no.”

“You may be a bit too young for that,” Damen says, and then he realizes he has no idea how young Nicaise is. He’s pretty, like Laurent, with big blue eyes and curly dark hair. He’s small, though, and slime. Damen has never been like that. He went straight from toddler to Viking, as his father used to say. At six, they were already dressing him with twelve years old clothes.

“Did you watch it illegally?” This time, the question is directed to Laurent. “So I can’t watch my favorite anime because it may give us viruses, but you can? You know that you can go to jail for that? And let me break it to you: orange is not your color.”

Damen never spoke like that to his parents and if he did, he wouldn’t be here to tell anyone about it. He should feel offended but he can’t, not when Nicaise’s words make him want to laugh.

“It’s on Netflix. He probably watches it here,” Damen says, trying to help.

“We don’t have Netflix anymore. The neighbor used to allow us to use his account but with their fucking new setting it doesn’t work anymore. Thanks fuck we can still use their WiFi!”

“Langage Nicaise,” Laurent says. “I watched it with Jord last weekend. Nothing illegal here.”

Damen has to force himself not to react. It would be disproportionate to make a fuss about a guy named Jord, who could very much be Laurent’s grandpa. In fact, he’s probably his grandpa. If Laurent forgot to tell him about his kid, he may have forgotten to tell him about his grandpa with whom he likes to watch true crime.

“Do you have Netflix, Damen?” Nicaise aks.

“I do, yes.”

“And Amazon Prime?”

“Yes.”

“What about Disney+? HBO?”

“Uh, yes. I think I got all of them? There was a deal when I bought my TV.”

Nicaise nods, as if taking notes, before focusing back on the menu in front of him. For some reason, Damen feels like he just gained some points and he smiles before turning back to Laurent, who’s looking at him with a frown on his face. He seems tense and Damen would like to blame it on the fact that it’s their first date, but he has a feeling it’s not it. There’s a hole in Laurent’s sleeves and he keeps playing nervously with it. It’s really cute.

“I read the book you mentioned,” Laurent mumbles. “I didn’t have anything to do.”

“Did you like it?”

“It was adequate.”

The book is one of Damen’s favorites. He read it when he was twelve and the loss of his mom was starting to creep into him. It’s a beautiful book about grief and he’s aware that only someone who had lost someone they deeply loved can appreciate it.

“You cried while reading it,” Nicaise says, his eyes still down on the menu.

“I did not.”

“Yes, you cried like a big baby and then you were like, all emotional and telling me that you loved me. It was disgusting. Damen, don’t recommend that kind of book again.”

“Notes taken. What should I recommend then? What kind of books do you think are appropriate for Laurent?”

“Erotics books.”

Damen bursts into laughter at the same moment Laurent shoves Nicaise away, his face turning a dark shade of red.

“What? It’s true! That would do you some good!”

“Focus back on your menu. You are not a part of this conversation.”

“We should order, actually,” Damen says, trying to distract Laurent again. “What does Nicaise eat?”

“You can ask me directly, you know,” Nicaise says.

“Oh yes, sorry. What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t talk to strangers.”

Laurent, having already forgotten the kid, can’t help but smirk and Damen is a weak man, so he does the same. He has a weird feeling in his stomach, something warm and familiar. He has to restrain himself from reaching out to hold Laurent’s hand.

“He’ll have a burger with extra bacon and a diet Coke.”

“Good choice,” Damen notes. “And you?”

“Cesar salad.”

Damen has never once ordered a salad while at the restaurant and he’s not surprised to see it’s the cheapest meal here. It does look good, sure. If you eat it while waiting for your burgers. Still, he’s smart enough to understand why Laurent chose it, and even smarter not to comment on it.

“I’ll take the burger too. They have onion rings and chicken wings that seem absolutely amazing so I think I’ll start with them.”

“You’re having all of that before your burger?” Laurent asks.

“Yeah, that may be a bit excessive… Would you be ok eating them with me?”

Laurent’s stomach is quicker to answer than he is, the noise reaching their ears before Damen’s sentence is even over. This time, however, Nicaise doesn’t laugh when he looks at his father and instead, a complex expression booms on his face.

“If you don’t mind…”

“Nah, I won’t be able to eat it all anyway.”

Damen quickly orders for them and they finally fall into an easy conversation after that. Nicaise helps a lot, throwing shades at his dad every time he can, and at some point, Damen thinks he insulted him but he’s not sure that he got it quite right. He hadn’t realized just how old he was until that moment, but apparently young people these days seem to have a whole new language.

“You should download TikTok,” Nicaise tells him. “I’ll send you videos to help you get some culture.”

“You’ll not,” Laurent says.

“Why?”

“It’s inappropriate.”

“Ugh, find. Damen, can I have your phone please?”

“Nicaise, that’s not-”

Damen unlocks his phone and gives it to him. Laurent looks at him as if he has grown a second head and it occurs to Damen that yes, giving your phone to a fourteen-year-old (Nicaise had told him he was eighteen to try and get a beer, to which Laurent had replied while pointing his real age) was quite dangerous. But he doesn’t care.

“Here. I added Laurent’s TikTok. He doesn’t post anything of course, but he’s always sending me those really not funny videos that I’m sure you’ll love.”

When they were texting, Laurent had told him he was not on social media. No Instagram, no Facebook and certainly no TikTok.

“Can I get a follow-back?”

“I… Yes.”

After sending a deadly stare at Nicaise, Laurent takes out his phone. The screen is broken and the phone seems like an old version of the one Damen has, but Laurent is still able to navigate through it, and like promised, he adds him on TikTok.

They get distracted again when the food finally arrives and after some convincing, Laurent helps Damen in eating all the things he ordered. It’s a nice family scene, Damen realizes. It looks like they’re just two regular dads eating with their teenage son who can’t keep his eyes off his phone. It’s domestic, the way they easily fall into silence without it being awkward. From time to time, Laurent will look at him with that weird expression on his face, but then he stays quiet or tells Nicaise to focus on his food. Each time, Damen smiles at him. Now that Laurent is more relaxed, he’s exactly like in his texts: sarcastic in a funny way, shy but not too much, interesting, and passionate when Damen finds the right subject. He loves true crime but also The Office. He lived in France for a while but has never been in another country outside of that. He works in a library, something he hadn’t told Damen before but that makes so much sense. He doesn’t talk about his family but when Damen talks about Kastor, both Laurent and Nicaise agree that he’s an asshole, which makes Damen laugh. They’re almost done eating when Damen realizes that he’s in deep trouble because there’s no way this was a one-time thing.

“So Damen,” Nicaise says once he finishes his burger. He cleans his mouth with the back of his sleeve, which earns him another complaint from Laurent. Unlike his dad, his clothes seem new. “What are your intentions towards Laurent?”

Laurent chokes on his water but Damen keeps it cool. He was expecting this question, for some odd reasons.

“They’re nothing but pure. Anything he wants, I’ll give him.”

There’s that deep blush on Laurent’s face again but he doesn’t say anything. They finish eating in silence, but it’s a comfortable one and when Damen’s fingers brush against Laurent's own, he doesn’t reach out but doesn’t push his hand away either.

Once it’s time to pay, Damen doesn’t let Laurent take his car out and immediately pays for the whole meal.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I did say in my bio that I was old school, didn’t I?”

They agree on a walk along the docks after. The air is fresh but not cold, just enough to make Damen sleepy. Next to him, Laurent shivers, which is no surprise because despite not showing any skin, his clothes are way too thin for the season. So of course, Damen takes his jacket off and throws it on his shoulders.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. I can’t imagine what Nicaise would do to me if I let you get a cold.”

Laurent smiles fondly.

“He’s a bit protective, sometimes. But he’s a good kid.”

“He is, yes,” Damen agrees. “Do you do that a lot?”

“Do what?”

“Bring the kid to a date so that you’ll get dinner for free. I’m not complaining, just so we’re clear. I had a really good night.”

Nicaise is in front of them, running after some poor birds to make them fly. Damen understood pretty fast during their date that he was just part of a scheme to get free food and while it did hurt his ego a bit at first, he can’t complain. Not when the night is so nice and Laurent is so close to him.

“I only did it once or twice,” Laurent admits after a while. “It’s not… Money gets tight sometimes and it’s fun. We’re not hurting anyone. The two times we did it, the men paid for the meal but didn’t stay with us. They kept apologizing but couldn’t stand to even try and have a conversation with us. It was laughable, I swear.”

“So you never mentioned Nicaise to any of them before the date?”

“No, but to be fair, you’re… I didn’t talk a lot with them, even through texts. We just chatted a bit and then they wanted to meet me right away. So it was easier to pretend like the question didn’t come up.”

“And with me?”

“I didn’t expect us to talk this much.”

There’s a strange feeling of pride booming inside of Damen’s chest and he’s smiling like a teenager, but it feels right to do so.

“You were not really looking for a boyfriend then?”

“No,” Laurent says. “I’m… I was not.”

“And now?”

Laurent stays silent for a while but his cheeks are red and he’s playing nervously with his hands. Still, when he turns towards him, his face is neutral.

“It was a great night.”

“It was,” Damen agrees.

They stopped walking some time ago. They’re standing in front of each other now, Nicaise’s presence not far away but not close enough to disrupt them. Damen won’t kiss Laurent, not now, but the way they’re looking at each other is better than any kiss he ever had.

“So, tomorrow at the same time?”

“I will have to bring Nicaise.”

And this time, he does seem sorry about it.

“Ah. See, it’s a bit awkward but it’s actually Nicaise I wanted to see… He’s really funny. But you’re free to tag along, of course.”

This time when Laurent laughs, he does so with all his chest and it’s the prettiest sound Damen’s ever heard. Well, almost, because then Nicaise, who has apparently been listening to the conversation, laughs too and the sound they make is the one Damen will be playing in his head on his deathbed.

“I want to eat sushi tomorrow,” Nicaise says. “Also, can we go and watch a movie before? There’s a new horror movie -”

“No horror movie for you.”

“What? You’re the one who gets scared! Not me! I’m sure Damen can hold you close so you don’t piss your pants.”

“Yes,” Damen says, “I’ll hold you close. Both of you.”

Damen has never been very lucky with love. He had a lot of girlfriends, including Jokaste, but none of them he felt deeply connected with. He loved them, to some extent, and they probably loved him back, but he always felt like he was searching for something else. Like his heart was made for more, and yet it always refused entry to any of the girls he dated. Like he had been made to love, fully, without any restraints, but without ever being able to do so. He remembers lying in bed with Jokaste and feeling like a fraud for not loving her more. He had thought that maybe something in him was broken. That his mother’s death, his father’s cold love, and Kastor’s hate had broken something in him, making him both craving and refusing love.

The moon is up in the sky. The stars are shining. Nicaise is taking a selfie in front of the water. Laurent’s hand is in his. And he thinks, for the first time, that finally his heart feels complete and opens.

Nikandros is going to give him so much shit for this.

#captive prince #capri #capri fics #captive prince fic

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thebookofcarol · 6 months ago

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Spoilery thoughts about Daryl Dixon - The Book of Carol 2.02 Moulin Rouge

Carol and Ash are totally driving me nuts. There's way too much chemistry between them and a beautiful bond is being formed here. Carol promises him to be back, and he promises to not leave without her. It's beautiful. Look, a boy and a girl can just be friends! 😉 (See what I did there?)

Now let's talk about the thing everybody will be raging about... SPOILERS AHEAD

The Darabell kiss. Holy lack of any chemistry... *cringe*

Zabel says you def see Daryl, Isa and Laurent as a family unit, before the kiss. As for the kiss, he just goes on about how they hoped there was a dynamic chemistry between the characters, but it wasn't a given, wasn't a necessity, but it happened and they thought it made sense to give it a visual realization.

To me, I think what Zabel meant is what we all got out of it, the kiss was absolutely unnecessary to the story, it doesn't change anything, but it was done to give the viewers a visual on how Daryl actually cared about these people, cause let's be honest, it's still pretty hard to believe he does care this much about these people he met like 2 months ago.

Anyways, Daryl hasn't stopped thinking about going home to Carol... and the others. That's still his main plan, but now he wants to take Isa and Laurent to the Commonwealth too...

But only after...

Isa tells him that in about a week, he's gonna leave them (holy, knowing what to say to trigger Daryl!) on a leap of faith so he can go back home. That's when he comes up with the idea to take them with him. You can't say this is not Daryl feeling guilty about leaving them behind. Hero complex activated!

An interesting quote from Daryl: "maybe that's all it was. Something that just kept you going." And I believe that fully explains Daryl's connection with these people - a thing that kept him going until he can find his way back home!

So, my personal feelings on all of this is that I'm totally unbothered about the kiss, the only thing that makes me go "are you fucking stupid" is Zabel having zero idea this will have such a big negative impact on the overall fandom. And NO, I'm not talking just about Carylers, or Donnies, I'm taking about Daryl stans who are lone wolfers, those who believe Daryl is demisexual or asexual, and so on. All of this, for absolutely NOTHING, for something the showrunner said wasn't a given or necessity. We already know, Daryl cares about people, he is capable of love, WE KNOW.

More spoilery thoughts to come...

And as someone who already watched the 6 whole episodes, I will say Caryl on! It's coming, slowly, but surely. Hang in there.

#the walking dead #carol peletier #daryl dixon #caryl #norman reedus #twd #caryl rant #text post #twd spoilers #twd: daryl dixon #the book of carol

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laur-the-cat-prince · 1 year ago

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i’m loving your Lamen arts !!! please never stop doing them justice they’re so tender in your style i love it so much. laurent with his little books… shy bookish boy indeed

thank you for your kind words 🥹

i’m not sure that i’m physically capable of stopping now. i love them too much.

#ask me anything

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wrenaspun · 3 months ago

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hennike and her little duckling smaurent spending time together!

This became more of a Hennike centric fic SORRY but Laurent does make an appearance !! She does spend time with him !! -

Hennike was very newly married when she first fell pregnant. The signs became apparent only a handful of weeks after the ceremony, and the tests that the old physician had her take proved her snooping cousin Julia right, which was galling.

“I told you,” said Julia smugly. “I’m never wrong. Some Women — ” the capitalisation was audible “ — always Know.” She patted Hennike’s cheek. “My mother always said you had the best hips in the family.”

Later, Hennike would look at Auguste and find it impossible that he should have come out of her, that he could be of her blood. Even while he was in her belly he had only really been Aleron’s. Julia insisted on predicting smugly that it would be a boy, because she was carrying so low, and then to a lesser extent he became Vere’s, the hoped-for heir, loved before he was anything more than a cluster of cells.

For a long time, at the start of the pregnancy, Hennike’s stomach felt oddly divorced from the rest of her, a separate compartment for an object which had been misplaced inside her and which its true owner was waiting impatiently to retrieve. Then, as the physicality of pregnancy made itself known, it became impossible to consider any part of her as separate. Her whole body ached and throbbed and grew swollen, and she began to feel like she was the compartment, that the compartment-ness of her stomach had expanded to encompass the rest of her until she was transformed into a vessel for the future of Vere. She ate healthily and slept regular hours because that was good for the baby. She took light exercise for the baby and avoided stress for the baby. Aleron spoke about the baby as though it were here and his wife as though she was somewhere far away. Well, she thought, when she remembered to think, her mother had said this would happen. Her mother had said: for nine months, you will be more than yourself. It was nine months she had to live through. Her mother had had four children, but only three pregnancies; Hennike’s older brothers were twins. She thought more than usual about the fact that twins ran in her family, even after the physician assured her that she was only carrying one.

It was such a relief when the baby came out of her that it was almost like love, right away. Then it really was love — she wasn’t heartless. Auguste was such a sweet, good-natured baby that it was impossible not to adore him. He conquered waves of nursemaids and scores of servants with his gummy, sunshiney smile. Even Aleron was sometimes seen smiling down at him, bouncing him on one hip, letting the royal regalia be drooled on.

Auguste was so ceaselessly healthy that Aleron made only the occasional desultory effort in Hennike’s bed, which suited her just fine. One of her maidservants offered, quietly, to procure an herb that was commonly taken in the south to prevent pregnancies; the king’s brother had recently managed to open a new trade route to Bazal. Hennike brewed the tisane for herself without a pang of guilt.

When Auguste was five, it was thought that a sibling might be a good addition to the royal line; but it never took. The same when Auguste was nine. Hennike quashed the desire to send Julia a stupid letter. The court was vaguely discontented, but Auguste’s boisterous misadventures in the marble halls made sure that never took, either. Hennike peacefully let him smash several old Kemptian vases and the court was cheerful for months about his liveliness.

When Auguste was eleven, it happened again. Hennike, thirty-five, had not seen it coming; neither she nor Aleron had been making much effort; but there you had it. The pregnancy was different because Hennike was different; easier to remain herself, but harder in every other way. She no longer had a young woman’s body: she was sorer, sicker, more swollen. It was another nine months that she had to live through. Auguste was terribly sweet to her, bringing her little pastries that soothed her stomach and fresh-cut fruit that made her sick again.

But it was worth it. Laurent was Hennike’s, entirely Hennike’s from the top of his downy head to the tips of his perfect shell-pink toes. This, she thought, was a baby she had made deliberately, so it made a certain kind of sense that he was less perfect than the older brother she had not played any part in. Laurent was not frail, but he was smaller and more delicate than Auguste had been. He could scream more in one night than sunshine-personified Auguste had in a whole month. His smiles were very rare, only given begrudgingly, and his default expression was a wicked frown which was almost enough to send his poor nurses running. Auguste had been indiscriminately happy with the gifts which had been sent to him by foreign embassies; Laurent developed a particular attachment to a Vaskian horse-toy and spurned the rest, refusing to touch them, sulking savagely if his horse was taken away even briefly, even just to be cleaned. He was so fussy, and Auguste such an indulgent older brother, that after a few months he wouldn’t sleep unless he was walked around for half an hour first in Auguste’s arms.

It was not the done thing, but Hennike loved to hold him in her arms and sleep, the weight of him pressing down into her chest. Aleron did not know what to do with this strange and decidedly opinionated new baby; he was not easy, the way Auguste had been easy. But he had such a martial light in his eyes that from the very beginning, Hennike was sure he would achieve anything he wanted.

#captive prince #prompt fill #thank you for playing!!#& yes if your mind went to a certain place at the mention of the king's brother - that is probably also what i was thinking :)

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mcbride · 7 months ago

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Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E06 - Coming Home

it's the first ep with an English title and the last of the season. overall, i wanna say i was actually surprised how much i did enjoy watching. the complete focus on Daryl without all the background noise/storylines/characters, the way he still means what he says, but he's actually using his words and lots of sass instead of the typical nodding and grunting. good job!

but i gotta confess that if i hadn't known beforehand that Carol was going to be a part of this show, i probably wouldn't have bothered 🤷‍♀️. the fact Carol's not only back on screen, but she is such a great part of the whole vibe of the show, was actually unexpected. this show is straight up showing us Carol is the driving force in Daryl's relentless journey to get back home.

whoever tries to convince you Daryl is conflicted about where he belongs and where he wants to be is lying to you (pointing at you, Z!!). he literally spends 6 whole episodes reminding everybody he's got a home, people who love him waiting, a promise to keep, and a need to get back asap.

it doesn't mean Daryl does not form connections while on that journey. because he does - the strongest with Laurent, obviously, however, none strong enough to hold him back from his ultimate goal, which is going home to keep his promise to CAROL!

anyways, let's get to the season 1 finale:

the super!walkers fighting scene in the arena is pretty epic: from Daryl's super cool kill with the French flag to that Daryl/Quinn team up! the cherry on top being Daryl throwing that walker head at Genet. Loved IT!

Quinn eventually does help Daryl escape, and later, unfortunately, almost kills Isa, who is once again totally helpless against any kind of threat (killer nun, my ass!). in a scene eerie similar to the one in Daryl's underwater premonition a couple of eps ago, Daryl prompts Laurent to kill walker!Quinn with a "God will forgive you."

Laurent says something that sounds like it will be the whole point of Caryl's French adventure. "Sometimes you have to do horrible things, and no matter how bad you feel, if there is no other choice, God will forgive you." this feels like the key to breaking out of the cycle Carol has been stuck to since she was banished by Rick. (i'll probably post my s2 spec and theories next week!)

next, we see Daryl watching lovebirds Sylvie and Emile saying goodbye, they have to separate (i see what you did there, Z!), and reassures Sylvie that Emile will be alright before she asks him if he's ever been in love. BOY, has he ever!! Daryl's non response is quite telling. he knows what it feels like to say goodbye to the one you love without knowing if you'll ever see them again. and he's not alright, he's all the way in a whole different continent, separated by the Atlantic ffs.

we get some new insight into Daryl's origins when he and Isa share stories about their fathers. Daryl believes that his grandpa never returning home from war ruined their family for future generations and worries the cycle might repeat itself. has Daryl been reading about generational trauma? sharing this with her will bite him in the ass, later!

Isa's confession of her lie about the drawing gets absolutely no reaction from Daryl because it had zero influence on what happened next. Daryl didn't stay cause he believed in a new Messiah, he stayed because the kid was about to get in trouble, when Codron attacked his home; he stayed because it was a way of finding help getting him closer to a radio or boat to actually get him home; he stayed so he could take the kid to a place where he would be safe, and Daryl could finally leave without feeling guilty.

the great Daryl and Isa exchange looks compilation is trying too hard to show us, yes, Daryl has made a connection to these people, and is fairly content at the Nest with Laurent and the most mundane activities like peeling potatoes. they are showing us Daryl could stay here, make this his new home. why not? HE MADE A PROMISE! no matter what he could never be happy here, this is not his HOME.

Losang gives him a way out, but also tries to convince him to stay. "Sometimes, when a person leaves home, he comes to find he belongs someplace else." and it's true, if Daryl didn't know where, with whom he belonged. and it's not with Laurent and Isa.

it's really embarrassing how Isa tries to manipulate and guilt trip Daryl into staying with them using Laurent and Daryl's history. it has been like 2 months tops, and they acting like Daryl himself gave birth to Laurent, and wants to abandon his kid. bitch please, he has kids he actually raised and a wife back home!!

Daryl resents his grandpa for abandoning the family to fight in someone else’s war, and that's exactly what he would be doing if he chose to stay in France. that's what Isa will never understand - he had a whole full life with people who looked up to him, relied on him, loved him, before he even met her and Laurent. he wasn't lost. the connection he found with the people there isn't new to him, he has Judith and RJ, he has Connie and Zeke. but most importantly, he has a HOME (Carol!!!).

there's this beautiful emotional moment of Daryl quietly saying goodbye to a sleeping Laurent, and it's clear this kid means a lot to him. however, not nearly enough to make him stay. he still chooses to LEAVE. so many people trying to convince him he belongs with them, and he is still 10000000% sure he has to go back. there truly is ZERO hesitation.

i lost count how many times Daryl actually tried to leave, but it was always the kid's safety that kept him around again and again. he is so close to getting on that boat, literally fiercely fighting walkers to get to the beach, to get closer to HOME, and the same happens AGAIN. biggest FML moment for Daryl. Laurent, who is surrounded by walkers, is calling his name! FUCK ME!

and finally, we get to the highlight of this finale, Carol's badass entry. the way she's so absolutely calm with a big dude pointing a gun at her, PLEASE. she knows he's fucked around and is about to find out. no one takes Daryl's belongings and gets away with it.

"if you're lying, i won't be back." and she rides off on Daryl's bike. ICONIC. LEGENDARY. EPIC.

21 days left until the premiere of THE BOOK OF CAROL!!!!!

#dd rewatch #the walking dead #daryl dixon #carol peletier #caryl #twd #the book of carol #caryl positivity #hanna.txt

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bibinibikkkkk · 3 months ago

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Laurent's sin

I also decided to write about Laurent, but I warn you that Laurent drives me crazy, I have A LOT of thoughts about him. Since all the books are Damen's POV, many things about Laurent are up to us to interpret. So I also warn you that everything here is MY thoughts, and I know that sometimes I get lost in them. Laurent is one of my favorite characters, so I love seeing other people's interpretations, even if they differ from mine. There are things here that are more speculation since we don't have much information given by Laurent himself.

Laurent’s sin is wrath. Laurent's wrath is so great that it leaves him blind sometimes. Laurent is not the type of person who waits to truly know someone to have an opinion. He hates people from the go and waits for them to prove that they don't deserve his wrath. Laurent looks for the worst in others. It doesn't matter if someone is a great person, practically a saint, if they do something that isn't 100% honorable, Laurent will hold on to that one thing to classify that person as evil. So yeah, Laurent hates a lot of things and people. But most of all, Laurent hates himself most.

For my college degree, I had to do extensive research on victims of sexual abuse who developed PTSD. So I read and heard many stories from victims and I can say that one of the characteristics that most (if not all) of these victims have is that they feel GUILT. In my work, I basically analyze the defensive reactions that people who experience a violent event can have. For example, during sexual abuse, the victim can enter a state of tonic immobility or dissociation, where even though they really want to defend themselves, their body remains immobile. It is a 100% biological and involuntary reaction. But many victims do not know or do not understand this and so after the abuse happens, they feel like they should have done something, fought back, and defended themselves from the abuse. That is why many blame themselves. But what I mean by this is that Laurent probably feels this way. After he understands what his uncle did to him, Laurent most likely feels guilty. He must blame himself for not fighting his uncle, he thinks he somehow allowed this to happen to him. What would Auguste think if he knew this, that Laurent wasn't able to protect himself? So this guilt develops into self-hatred. Laurent's wrath is much more towards himself than against the world. Laurent hates the naive and vulnerable boy he became after his brother's death. He thinks that's why his uncle abused him: because he let him.

After Laurent realizes all this, he forces himself to change. He doesn't want to be vulnerable and weak anymore. He creates a personality that is the extreme opposite of that. He becomes cold, does everything to become physically stronger, and represses all emotions (except anger). He doesn't repress his anger because anger is, in fact, the only thing that keeps him alive. Anger and the desire to take revenge. Laurent also hates this character he had to create to protect himself. Because if he needs mechanisms to protect himself, it's because he's still vulnerable. I swear, Laurent's mind must be a living hell with so many contradictory thoughts. He knows he has become a bad person, he doesn't like it, but he is very afraid of being different.

He wants to take revenge on his uncle, but not just kill him, he wants to take revenge on his uncle by proving that he can be better than him, more intelligent. Laurent not only wants to beat his uncle, he wants to see his uncle lose, again and again. It may seem like the same thing, but it's not. Laurent tries hard to see through his uncle's schemes and plans meticulously to make all these schemes work in his favor, which he knows irritates his uncle more than anything. I would even say that for the last few years, Laurent has been in a limbo where he feels "comfortable" with these "games" between him and his uncle. Everything changes when he realizes that his uncle really wants him dead, because until then Laurent didn't think that, or didn't let himself think about it, which is more likely. Here is the irony of how Laurent is more like Damen than he lets on. Laurent knew that his uncle didn't love him, but he still didn't want to believe that his uncle would kill him in the end.

Meeting Nicaise and Aimeric is the closest Laurent comes to thinking that maybe the guilt he feels over his abuse isn’t justified. Because he sees himself in both boys and he can, from an outside perspective, understand that neither Nicaise nor Aimeric are to blame for the abuse they suffered. But he represses these emotions, especially with Aimeric. When Laurent freaks out at Aimeric, he’s freaking out at himself. It's the first time Laurent is capable of causing harm to himself, looking at the living mirror that is Aimeric. The craziest thing to me is how Nicaise and Aimeric's deaths, without Damen showing up at the end, are the only alternatives for what would happen to Laurent too. Murder or suicide (sacrifice).

Besides obviously wanting revenge on his uncle, Laurent wants revenge on Damianos, the man who killed his brother and then started his years of abuse. This anger and hope of one day getting revenge on Damen is also what keeps him going. Even more than the anger towards the Regent. Because, at the end of Kings Rising, when Laurent is free of the anger he feels towards Damen, after he accepts that Damen is not to blame for his years of abuse (he admits that his uncle would do the same regardless), I believe that Laurent finally admits something he always knew: he would never win against his uncle. Not alone. And, even now in a "relationship" with Damen, Laurent still feels alone. Now without the anger towards Damianos and with the conviction that he will not win, all that is left is self-hatred. And that is what drives him to sacrifice himself. He's all alone, not even his wrath is there anymore. And the love he feels for Damen still isn't enough to quell this self-hatred.

This makes me think that Damen, in a very twisted way, saved Laurent from himself from the beginning. I even thought that if Laurent didn't care about Damianos, maybe he would have killed himself right after he realized the abuse and that he had no chance of defeating his uncle. But no, Laurent is too complex for that, he only sacrifices himself because it would give Damen an advantage to win in the end. Despite all the horror that Laurent suffered and his wrath, he is probably the least selfish character, he would never kill himself to end his suffering, knowing that others are also suffering and that he can do something to help.

In my humble opinion, I think Laurent could be MUCH WORSE. I see a lot of people condemning Laurent as if he were the worst villain, but honestly, I would be much worse, especially against the man who killed my brother. Laurent still gave Damen many chances. Laurent made Damen suffer LITTLE (and it pains me a lot to say that, because I would hate to see Damen suffer more). I believe that the entire time Laurent was torturing Damen, he wanted the opportunity to kill Damen in a more honorable way, perhaps this is what stopped Laurent from killing him when he still had the chance. But this is just an assumption. Sometimes I think even Laurent didn't know what he was doing and what he wanted to do. We need to remember that Laurent is still a 20-year-old who has been isolated from the world for too long. Laurent may be very smart, but he doesn't have the necessary life experience. There's a lot that Laurent doesn't know, but he's very good at pretending he does (even Damen falls for it (and us)). Laurent ultimately regrets what he did, because, again, that was him hiding (protecting himself) behind his villainous mask. He also ends up forgiving Damen once he understands the circumstances under which Auguste died. Something he probably already knew, but didn't want to admit, once again, because that would put an end to the thing that kept him alive.

Laurent finally agreeing to leave Arles to go on border patrol was the biggest turning point in his life. He meets the people of his kingdom, innocent people who have no idea what is happening at court. People who respect and love him. Those who remember him from the past, remember the real Laurent. The freedom he felt from no longer needing to contain his strength. All this and more was important for Laurent to be able to see beyond what his uncle allowed him to see and do. He starts to trust more people, the ones who trust him back. And then that's when Damen starts to see the "changes" and fall in love with Laurent.

This is probably super confusing, but that's how Laurent makes me feel hahahahhaha. What we read throughout the trilogy is still the very beginning of the romance between Damen and Laurent. Damen showing up at the trial was probably a big part of making Laurent realize that Damen's feelings are not frivolous, it's not just a passing attraction for him. Laurent is no longer alone. I go crazy wondering if maybe all Laurent needed was someone stubborn enough for him to start being himself, without having to hide behind masks. Maybe a friend, someone who would look long enough to realize who Laurent really is, like Damen did little by little. Laurent has been alone for so long, with his secrets and his pain. He probably isolated himself like that too for fear of loving someone like he loved Auguste and becoming even more vulnerable (that's kinda what happens with Nicaise). He's certainly done a lot of things he regrets because of his wrath, especially against Damen, so I think Damen will need to work a little harder to prove to Laurent how much he loves him. Just like Laurent will certainly do the same.

#lamen #captive prince #laurent of vere

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lucky-clover-gazette · 9 months ago

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kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 7

edit: there is much better analysis in this follow-up post, although it does build on the stuff i wrote here

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

There were very few problems, the public killings having been good for the soldiers’ morale.

so where are the people like me in this world who would like pass out witnessing that. just too desensitized to care?

The Veretian herald was named Hendric and he had very strong arms, because banners were heavy.

Damen and Laurent were to ride alongside one another. Neither one of them had the better horse.

THEIR HORSES!! BACK TOGETHER DESPITE ALL ODDS!! because they’re definitely the same ones that fell in love during prince's gambit shut up

Damen was taller, but nothing could be done about that, Hendric had said with an impenetrable expression. Hendric, Damen was learning, had something in common with Laurent, in that it was never a simple matter to tell when he was joking.

give laurent a comedically large hammer and he’ll find a way

‘I hope the injured boy was returned to you safely.’ ‘Thank you, he returned with Paschal,’ said Laurent. For a salve? Damen opened his mouth to say, and didn’t.

throwback <3 but kings can’t have inside jokes :(

In the next moment, the horns rang out, triumphant and lonely at the same time, the pure sound absorbed by the sky and the wide open landscape around them.

“triumphant and lonely” nice detail

He remembered exactly how it had looked, and that was why he didn’t recognise it at first: the forest of broken spears was gone, and there were no gouged ruts in the earth, no men face down in the churned mud. Marlas was now a tumble of grass and wildflowers in the blowy, sweet summer weather, shifting back and forth in the gentle air. Here and there an insect droned, a drowsy sound. A dragonfly dipped and darted.

i like this :) we don’t get a lot of love for nature in this series, so i’ll take what i get. especially nice when nature represents healing and the passage of time.

Lining the hall were two dozen slaves.

oh this is going to be a headache. but it’s a headache worth having, because i’ve approached these annotations so far with integrity and fairness, and i refuse to treat this subject any differently. i don’t want to just ignore the things that are more difficult or less fun to unpack in order to get to the fun shipping stuff, i want to analyze them to the best of my ability and feel as comfortable as i possibly can moving forward.

so let’s set up some context:

1) damen has come a long way from his stance on slavery in book 1. he is actively refusing to partake in this expected custom, and finds the institution disturbing and triggering. he has developed a new appreciation for sex with truly consenting (not trained) partners, aka laurent, and can’t really go back. still, his reasons for refraining here are almost entirely based on his evolving sense of morality, not really relating to his relationship with laurent at all. for more on that moral evolution, see my analysis in chapter 4. further proof of this Really Mattering to damen is the fact that by not taking slaves, he is losing points with his own people. another great hint of his development as a king, making his own authoritative decisions rather than upholding tradition.

2) laurent does not like slavery. he does not think it is morally correct, and has made many jabs at damen throughout the series for disagreeing. he is disturbed by idea of people who have been groomed into relinquishing their own free will. if put in the situation of damen in book 1, laurent would not have been nearly as compliant or allowing—honestly, he probably would have tried to kill his master, and failing that, kill himself.

HOWEVER. vere does not do slavery. slavery had never been a relevant issue to laurent, at least until he was gifted a slave of his own and was made to deal with them in negotiations with patras. slavery is a thing other countries do, to laurent, and his current objective is make nice with a country that keeps slaves. therefore, he knows that his only real option is to keep the appearance of partaking in the custom, even if damen can get away with refusal. and i think we can safely assume that in laurent’s vere, there will be no slavery, even if he’s taking up the appearance of a slave owner now. additionally, i think we can also assume that there will be reform of the country’s pet system, which is an issue much more relevant to laurent’s lived experience.

if the stuff with laurent and slaves here was simply performative and un-indulgent, i wouldn’t need to be writing anything more here. but it is, as it is, one of the few things in the series that makes me feel very conflicted (see also: the garden scene in book 1). because while it’s true that laurent doesn’t actually use isander as a sex slave, and does have this kind of passive disdain for slavery, he does use isander in another way. he uses isander, a non-consenting brainwashed slave, as a way to make damen, who has never actually been a slave, jealous. this is an abuse of power that directly conflicts with laurent’s stated and assumed values regarding free will and individual personhood. we’ve seen things like this before, in arles, but laurent had known that damen was a prince and not a slave the entire time. but isander is a victim of this system—even if isander himself doesn’t know that, laurent damn well does. and laurent historically is someone who advocates for victims. so the fact that his morals here are being set aside in favor of a petty gesture against damen, is… disappointing. everything i said in chapter 3/4 about laurent’s mean girl era still stands: he knows he’s being shitty, and he’s doing it because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and insecure. better to be a villain than a victim, etc. but laurent being a villain to damen, who laurent knows is perfectly capable of defending himself, is distinctly different from laurent parading out isander the slave just to hurt damen’s feelings.

it’s wrong for the obvious moral reasons, which laurent perfectly understands in the abstract. but it’s not a hill he’s going to die on here, and that’s not just because of the political advantage. this is 100% about personal shit with damen too. and sorry laurent, but slavery does not stop being wrong when it’s useful in creating drama with your ex. in fact, indulging in it for that reason specifically trivializes all of the legitimate problems with the practice. it makes laurent a hypocrite and it crosses a line, in terms of his mean girl schtick. i just want to make that clear—that there is very much a difference between laurent just being kinda cunty to damen in general, and specifically using a slave as tool in that cuntiness.

laurent is, and always has been, a morally complex and often hypocritical character. he has done things that have made me feel uncomfortable to read, like the way he treats damen in the garden scene. and that’s okay, and it doesn’t make him a bad character, or even a bad person. and to be fair, he isn’t doing any practical harm here—if he hadn’t chosen isander to kinda just vaguely flirt with in public and then leave alone in private, someone else probably would have done far worse. and that is an easy cop-out, and it’s not wrong. but still.

the problem isn’t with laurent's actions here, necessarily, but the principle. which is usually what laurent himself cares about the most, as he often values the ends above the means. politics aside, i think that laurent would readily admit post-mean girl era that the ends of making damen jealous did not, and should not, justify the means of using another human being who does not possess free will. maybe he even does that in the text, eventually, and i’ve forgotten.

(also, let’s not forget that isander may have been trained to not have his own feelings, but definitely still has them, because he’s a human being. and it probably makes him feel pretty bad to be chosen and then ignored by laurent. not that it should, because the entire thing is super fucked up, but it’s what he’s been groomed to believe. like, i did just want to throw that in somewhere, even though it’s obviously predicated on brainwashing and a lack of free will. it’s still what he’s feeling, and his feelings matter. just as much as damen’s or laurent’s.)

basically: laurent is failing to be honorable in his usage of isander, even if he’s not using isander as a sex slave as intended. his abstract values about the wrongness of slavery take a back seat to the political and interpersonal advantage of not only passively partaking in the custom, but actively using it to make damen jealous. even if laurent needs to pretend to take a slave to be politically accepted, he does not need to do All That. and honestly, with laurent’s ability to convince and command a crowd, i think we all know deep down that if he didn’t at least want to do this at least a little bit, just to piss damen off, he would find a way out of it. and that is a reality of laurent’s characterization here that i have to deal with, similar to his actions in the garden scene.

and then there’s the other thing that laurent's "performance" with isander has in common with the garden scene:

it’s hot. it’s wrong, and hypocritical, and could have been done in a way that would better suit my personal tastes, but yes, it’s hot. and on top of that, it’s also VERY funny. laurent’s performance, damen’s reactions, and isander’s obliviousness are all very, very funny. and i do want to be able to enjoy them for the petty gestures they are, and joke about them, without constantly having to throw in a “but also this is bad.” so doing this initial disclaimer feels like a happy medium to me, where i’m not ignoring the complexity of the situation entirely, but i’m also conceding that it’s not necessarily meant to be taken seriously, and it’s ultimately written for the reader to enjoy. like, don’t get me wrong, most of the slavery stuff in this series has NOT been written for the reader’s enjoyment—the values here are very clear, especially in damen’s arc—but there are still some indulgent moments. and it is fiction. and these characters aren’t perfect, nor did they create the culture of the kingdoms that they’re about to rule. and they do ultimately change the things that they, and we the reader, know are wrong.

but just like with the garden scene, i can’t quite get myself to write “so it’s totally fine to just have fun with the whole slavery thing” as a conclusion. and honestly, i feel pretty okay about that hesitancy. when i make jokes about this subject in this specific context (laurent and isander), i don’t want it to be forgotten that the subject itself (slavery) is still entirely serious. so instead, i’ll say:

this is fun because manipulative petty lamen mind games are fun. this is hot because manipulative petty lamen mind games are hot. this is somewhat intended as a backhanded insult and display of moral superiority—laurent showing damen how awful he and his culture appear to non-slave owners—but that moral superiority ultimately falls short due to laurent’s hypocritical use of a slave to make damen jealous. all of those separate pieces of analysis are true to the overall experience of reading and interpreting these scenes. it’s a mixed bag, we know it’s a mixed bag, laurent knows it’s a mixed bag, and damen knows it’s a mixed bag. the only relevant person who doesn’t know it’s a mixed bag is isander, because he’s a slave and isn’t allowed to think for himself, and that fucking sucks.

Isander was olive-skinned and lithe as a fawn, with dark hair and eyes: Akielon colouring. He shared that with Nikandros; with Damen.

yeah i’m sure that’s just a coincidence

Male, either in deference to Veretian customs, or to suit Laurent’s assumed preferences.

akielon slave owners, trying to assess laurent’s preferences:

(can you tell my heart still isn’t fully in the humor here…)

Nikandros would never offer royalty anything less than a slave’s First Night.

god, the first night thing is fucked up. in general, i love the lack of like… uh… traditionally conservative (read: christian) attitudes about sex in capri, so the few similarities especially give me the ick. i haven’t read or annotated the erasmus short story yet, but i know it’s going to piss me off too. basically, the closer we get to the handmaid’s tale, the more i want to read complicit characters dying horrifically on the page. nikandros and the other akielons are skirting by for now with the plausible deniability they have re: fully understanding how slaves are trained, but they’re on thin fucking ice.

also, lighter side question, what’s the recommended reading order for the short stories?

sweet grace of a palace slave

gag

‘I like that one,’ said Laurent.

>:(

‘Slaves are trained in the arts of pleasure, but they do not lie with another until their First Night,’ Kolnas said. ‘Here we use the same strict, classical training that is used in the royal palace. Skills are learned through instruction, and practised with indirect methods. The slave remains wholly untouched, kept pure for the first use of the Exalted.’

imagine if real-life cultural customs were built around grooming a certain group of people to be sexually submissive and modest as a thinly-veiled way to control their sexuality and ensure that they are attached to dominant societal figures from a young age without the education or free will to consider themselves actual human beings, so they can unquestioningly spend their entire lives as sex machines and domestic servants defined entirely by their responsibility to the family, and then they die and their headstone identifies them by their status as a possession of their dominant partner. wouldn’t that be fucked up

‘I never did learn how to command a bed slave,’ said Laurent. ‘Teach me.’

guys i wish i could find this hot or funny but now i’m just mad about disturbing stuff in real life that i can’t analyze out of existence. i’m taking a break and eating a chocolate strawberry greek yogurt popsicle and then i’ll try to refocus on the funny toxic gay people

‘They cannot speak Veretian, Your Highness,’ Kolnas explained. ‘In the Akielon language, using the plain form of address is appropriate. To command any act of service is to honour a slave. The more personal the service, the greater the honour.’ ‘Really? Come here,’ said Laurent.

laurent go sit in the corner.

Laurent extended the tip of his boot. ‘Kiss it,’ he said. His eyes were on Damen.

god this is so good. i hate it so much.

to be fair, there is no way to do this that would be more effective than laurent using a slave. because, y’know, damen was his “slave.” it wouldn’t hit the same with some random non-slave guy. laurent wants to fuck with damen’s head, and part of that is making him miss something he most certainly should not be missing. laurent is also fucking with my head, because this gesture is so conflictingly wrong and compelling, a word which in this case means "something i’m embarrassed/ashamed to say that i find hot."

‘Good boy,’ said Laurent, reaching down to pet Isander’s dark curls, while Isander’s eyes closed and he flushed over.

(easy joke to make, but we’re all probably thinking it) damen:

(also, this being the only “good boy” in the entire series is just diabolical. but i get why it is, because i think it might not be the only one—and if it isn’t the only one, that means the regent says it at some point, and that’s exactly why it’s never used in a lamen sex scene.)

Kolnas preened, pleased that his selection was appreciated. Damen could see that the fort’s household around them was also pleased, having gone to great lengths to make Laurent feel welcome. They had considered with intense thoughtfulness Veretian culture and Veretian practices.

i sense some slight snarkiness here—not even from damen, but from the narrative itself. there’s palpable irony in the “great lengths” and “thoughtfulness” of akielions considering veretian culture while presenting laurent with slaves, all while veretian culture doesn’t have slavery.

It was pointless. There were two dozen slaves here, while the number of times Laurent had had sex in his life could probably be counted on one hand. Laurent was just going to be dragging twenty-four young men back to his rooms to sit around doing nothing. They wouldn’t even be able to unlace Veretian clothing.

according to damen:

this is stupid.

laurent is, in all ways but physical, a loser virgin.

he’s going to set out board games for those sex slaves. he’s going to throw them a pizza party. he’s going to answer emails the entire time.

they don’t even know how to unlace laurent’s clothing like i do.

this is stupid.

‘Can he also serve me in the baths?’ said Laurent.

CUNT.

‘And at the feast for the bannermen this evening when they give their pledge, if that pleases you, Your Highness,’ said Kolnas. ‘It pleases me,’ said Laurent.

damen is about to throw up on the floor

Cloth wound around his waist and over his shoulder, the sort of ceremonial Akielon garb that you could unreel from a person by taking hold of one end and pulling while they rotated.

looney toons-ass imagery

He could feel their discomfort, their need to debase themselves; this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves.

thank you damen for being the only normal person here. you've come a long way.

“discomfort, their need to debase themselves” is something book 1 damen would have found adorable and charming. he definitely wouldn’t have worded it like this, back then.

“this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves” building on the damen vs. kingship theme, he thinks he can’t have real love or intimacy or vulnerability if he’s a king. he can’t truly be paired with an equal, because he needs to be exalted.

He had sent away the slaves.

damen you’re the only one i’m not at mad at in this chapter. actually i liked the funny banner guy, we’re chill too. and isander is just trying his best

Laurent, he knew, was rooming in the adjoining suite, separated from him by a single wall. Damen was in the King’s chambers, which any lord who built a fort installed, in the hope the King would stop there. But even the former lord of Marlas’s optimism had not stretched to the idea that the heads of two royal families would visit simultaneously. To preserve their arrangements of scrupulous equality, Laurent was in the Queen’s chambers, beyond that wall.

i’m getting so much whiplash from this chapter like yeah this is funny and cute but also is the slavery stuff just normal to people like i’m aware the series started from a specific subculture and kink and body of literary work, so i guess i’m the weird one and the outsider here for being so distracted??

Isander was probably tending him, gamely doing his best with the laces. He would have to unhook the lacings on the back of the neck of Laurent’s riding leathers before drawing them through their eyelets. Or Laurent had taken Isander into the baths, to be undressed by him there. Isander would be flushed with pride at being chosen for the task. Attend me. Damen felt his hands curl into fists.

i don’t think i need to point out in a note, every single time, that damen being jealous of isander is funny and his possessiveness of laurent is hot. but i will still highlight the passages where it happens.

He turned his mind to political matters.

good call buddy, you and i are going to get through this chapter together

Men and women reclined on couches

(said apprehensively, given the overall themes of this chapter) ...women?

Makedon leaned, selecting a slice of peeled orange. Pallas, the handsome officer-champion, reclined with the easy posture that spoke to his aristocratic blood. Straton had hitched his skirts up and drawn his legs onto the couch, crossing them at the ankles. Everyone whom rank or office entitled to be here was assembled, and with every northerner of standing gathered to give their pledge, the hall was packed full. The Veretians present were mostly vertical, standing awkwardly in small groups, one or two perched gingerly on the edge of a seat.

There was no trumpet flourish or herald’s announcement, as there would have been in Vere.

okay i didn’t realize there was a trumpet flourish in vere. that is very funny in retrospect. a trumpet is not the instrument i’d choose to announce laurent’s arrival. in arles especially, i personally think that a halloween sfx cd would have been much more appropriate

Laurent didn’t rise. He wasn’t required to. He just watched from his reclining couch, as the hall prostrated itself. He had cultivated an elegant sprawl, with his arm draped over his couch back, and his leg drawn up, revealing the arc of an exquisitely clad thigh. His fingers dangled. Silk rucked around his knee.

laurent lean #14. kings leaning.

Isander was prostrated, an inch from Laurent’s casually draped fingertips, his lithe body bare. He wore a brief garment like a Vaskian man’s cloth. His collar fit him like a second skin. Laurent sat relaxed, every line of his body arranged tastefully against the couch. Damen made himself stroll forward through the silence. Their twin couches were next to each other. ‘Brother,’ Laurent said, pleasantly.

no comment

The eyes of everyone in the hall were on him. He felt their gazes, their underfed curiosity. He heard the murmurs—it really is him, Damianos, alive and here—accompanied by the brazen looks, looking at him, looking at the gold cuff on his wrist, looking at Laurent in his Veretian clothes like an exotic ornament—so that is the Veretian Prince. And beneath that the speculation that was never spoken aloud.

at least one akielon politics rpf truther is losing their mind rn. we have gaylor, this world has gaymianos

Laurent was scrupulously correct in the face of it, his behaviour immaculate, even his use of the slave was an act of unimpeachable etiquette. In Akielos it pleased the host for a guest to make use of his hospitality. And it pleased the Akielon people for their royal family to take slaves, a sign of virility and power, and a cause of great pride.

narrows my eyes

Barieus stepped forward. ‘I want assurances that Vere does not hold undue influence over Akielos.’ Undue influence. ‘Speak plainly.’ ‘They say the Prince of Vere is your lover.’

found the gaymianos truther

‘Who we take to our bed is not your concern.’

well i mean if you’re using the royal “we” to represent the kingdom, then yeah… it kinda is?

‘Shall I tell them what really happened between us? They want to know,’ Laurent said. Laurent began to unlace the cuff of his sleeve, drawing the ties through the eyelets, then opening the fabric to expose the fine underside of his wrist—and then the unmistakable gold of the slave cuff.

Laurent leaned his wrist elegantly on the curved arm of the couch, the open sleeve reminiscent of a delicate open shirt collar, its laces trailing. ‘Do I have the question clear?’ said Laurent, speaking in Akielon. ‘You are asking if I lay with the man who killed my own brother?’ Laurent wore the slave cuff with utter disregard. He had no owner, the aristocratic arrogance of his posture said that. Laurent had always possessed an essential quality of the untouchable. He cultivated a faultless grace on the reclining couch, his chiselled profile and marble-chip eyes those of a statue. The idea that he would let anyone fuck him was impossible.

and damen is so into it. love love love the contrast with the description of slaves in this chapter. damen doesn’t want them, he wants laurent. he sees laurent as a complete and compelling person. there is honor in laurent’s performative submission—wearing the cuff—because damen respects laurent’s personhood. but he’s no longer able to see the submission of slaves as honorable, because he knows they’re fucking slaves who have been robbed of their personhood entirely.

Barieus said, ‘A man would have to be ice-cold to sleep with his brother’s killer.’ ‘Then you have your answer,’ said Laurent. There was a silence, in which Laurent’s gaze held that of Barieus. ‘Yes, Exalted.’ Barieus bowed his head, and unconsciously used the Akielon Exalted, rather than the Veretian titles Highness or Majesty.

a vine boom echoed through the court

‘Well, Barieus?’ said Damen. Barieus knelt two steps before the dais. ‘I will pledge. I see that the Prince of Vere stands with you. It’s right that we swear to you here, on the site of your greatest victory.’

“he is simply too cunty for us to deny his authority.”

Slaves brought the food. Squires served Damen, since he had made his preferences clear. It was an awkward arrangement that displeased everyone in the hall.

YES DAMEN!

Isander was utterly in love with his master. He strove continuously to do well, selecting each delicacy for Laurent to sample, bringing him only the best, in small, shallow dishes, refreshing the water bowl for Laurent to clean his fingers. He did it all with perfect form, discreetly attentive, and never drawing attention to himself. His eyelashes drew attention to themselves. Damen made himself look elsewhere.

but that��s not real love, and damen knows it. laurent knows it too. and damen did it way better in nesson-elroy

Laurent said, ‘Play The Fall of Inachtos,’ and a murmur of approval passed over the hall. Kolnas, the Keeper of Slaves, congratulated Laurent on his knowledge of Akielon epics. ‘It’s one of your favourites, isn’t it?’ said Laurent, transferring his gaze to Damen.

diabolical. need this energy for the lamen divorce playlists (they each have their own)

He had always liked the depiction of Akielons cutting down their enemies, as Nisos rode out to kill Inachtos, and take his walled city. He didn’t want to hear it now.

yayyy character development

It was Loyse and not Guion that Jord was approaching. She gave him a cursory look. ‘Yes?’ There was an awkward pause. ‘I just wanted to say . . . that I’m sorry for your loss. Your son was a good fighter.’ ‘Thank you, soldier.’ She gave him the token attention a lady might give to any servant, and turned back to her conversation with her husband.

loyse hiiiiiii loyse (said with appropriate sadness for her current state of grief)

Jord gazed at him for a long moment, then indicated Laurent with his chin. ‘I’m glad you two are friends,’ said Jord.

jord always knows exactly when to show up and make ill-timed commentary on damen and laurent's relationship

‘I thought when he found out about you, he’d swear revenge,’ said Jord. ‘He knew all along,’ said Damen. ‘It’s good that you could trust each other,’ said Jord. And then: ‘I think before you came, he didn’t really trust anyone.’ Damen said, ‘He didn’t.’

also isn’t it like SUPER awkward for jord to be around guion and loyse right now

Isander was bringing Laurent a sprig of grapes in a small dish. Laurent said something approving, and gestured for Isander to join him on the reclining couch. Isander glowed, shyly besotted. As Damen watched, Isander picked a single grape from the sprig, and lifted it to Laurent’s lips. Laurent leaned in. He twined a finger around a curl of Isander’s hair and allowed himself to be fed, grape by grape, a prince with a new favourite.

damen is about to start scratching the walls like a cat confronted with a closed door

He lifted the wine blindly. The cup was empty. Straton wasn’t the only Akielon departing with a slave; men and women throughout the hall were availing themselves. The wine, and the slaves enacting the battle were breaking down inhibitions. Akielon voices grew loud, emboldened by wine.

between the heavy drinking and sex practices, the akielon court actually sounds like my living hell. and we haven’t even gotten to the naked sports chapter yet

Laurent leaned in further to murmur something intimately into Isander’s ear, and then, as the recitation reached its climax, the clash of swords like the hammering in his chest, Damen saw Laurent tap Isander’s shoulder, and rise. I’d wager you never thought a prince could be jealous of a slave. At this moment I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat. Torveld’s words. He said, ‘Excuse me.’

The entire court around him rose as he pushed up from his couch-throne.

“couch-throne”

Trying to follow Laurent out, he got tangled in ceremony, the hall a stifling press of bodies and noise, and, as a blond head disappeared towards the doorway, he was stopped by party after party blocking his path.

okay i’m so curious what he’s meaning to do when he catches up to laurent. yell at him? yell at isander? throw up?

He ought to have brought a slave of his own, then the crowd would have melted away, understanding: the King wished privacy.

i am begging the protagonists of this book to stop using human people as objects. again maybe that’s just a me problem, this isn’t my usual genre and the akielon slavery system clearly doesn’t align with my kink sensibilities, but COME ON

The corridor was empty when he strode out into it. His heart was pounding. He turned the first corner into a section of the passage, half expecting to catch Laurent’s retreating figure. Instead, he saw a stark, empty arch with all its Veretian lattice stripped away. Under the arch was Isander, standing with his fawn eyes, looking confused and abandoned. His confusion was such that for a moment he just stared at Damen with wide eyes before he seemed to understand what was happening, and folded to the floor, forehead to the stone. Damen said, ‘Where is he?’ Isander was well trained, even if nothing was happening as he had expected tonight; and even if, rather mortifyingly, he was being asked to report this fact to his King. ‘His Highness of Vere has gone for a ride.’

well at least if “going on a ride” is laurent code for “feeling morally and emotionally troubled,” that’s… less disappointing, i guess.

also, i do realize that this is the place where laurent’s brother was killed, currently taken over by the nation that orchestrated and benefitted from his death. so there’s probably a twisted vindication in learning exactly how fucked up their culture is (asking about the first night, etc), and getting whatever kind of enjoyment out of the whole situation he can (pissing off damen). but there still had to be a crash, and as soon as laurent was excused from his duties he dipped to deal with it alone.

‘At the stables a handler might know his destination. This slave can inquire.’

i caaaaaan’t stand the way they’re denied use of personal pronouns

Closer; the approach was difficult because it was sharp with memory. Here was the place where their left flank had fallen. Here was the place where he had ordered men to attack the lines that would not fall, the starburst banner that did not falter. Here was the place where he had killed the last of the Prince’s Guard, and come face to face with Auguste. He dismounted from his horse, looping its reins over the cracked stone column of an overgrown pillar. The landscape was old, and the pieces of stone were old; and he remembered this place, remembered the torn soil and the desperation of the fight. Clearing a last jut of stone, he saw the curve of a shoulder in the moonlight, the white of a loose shirt, his outer garments stripped, all wrists and exposed throat. Laurent was sitting on a stone outcrop. His jacket was discarded uncharacteristically. He was sitting on it.

this is a beautifully set scene.

A stone slid under his heel. Laurent turned. For a moment, Laurent looked at him wide-eyed, young, and then the look in his eyes changed, as though the universe had fulfilled an ineluctable promise. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘perfect.’

a moment of surprise and vulnerability, and then practiced cool again. onto Some More Bullshit, i guess

this isn’t the chapter to really tackle this, but i will eventually write a long essay about how laurent goes through his own mini character growth arc, completely off the page, during the lamen divorce era. it’s just that damen has custody of the reader, so we don’t get to see it—only hints, like this moment here. laurent must have had a lot on his mind, too, ever since their last heated conversation. i have some ideas about what that “a lot” might be, but again, i don’t think i’ve gotten quite enough from laurent yet to really start forming a conclusion.

Damen said, ‘I thought you might want—’ ‘Want?’ ‘A friend,’ said Damen. He used Jord’s word. His chest felt tight. ‘If you’d prefer me to leave, I will.’ ‘Why cavil?’ said Laurent. ‘Let’s fuck.’

ON YOUR BROTHER’S FIGURATIVE GRAVE WITH HIS MURDERER????

‘That isn’t what I meant.’ ‘It might not be what you meant, but it’s what you want.’ Laurent said, ‘You want to fuck me.’ Anyone else would have been drunk. Laurent was dangerously sober.

yeah, no, he’s definitely being going through Some Shit on his own. lots of self-loathing, especially due to the fact that he can’t hate damen as much as he knows he should. yearning, more self-loathing because of that yearning. companionship withdrawals, a return to isolation. a revived sense of grief for his brother, and nicaise, and damen (not damianos) and even his relationship with his uncle, who he hadn’t thought would be capable of trying to kill him. hating himself and blaming himself and regretting things he’s done to push people away. just an all-around bad time, but a necessary time of reflection that he needs to experience on his own. damen can’t just swoop in and fix laurent, laurent has to decide that he’s worth saving first. he’s not there yet, clearly, assuming that damen only wants him as a sexual object. whiiiiich was probably why he went so hard on the eroticism with isander easlier, it was an easy victory to get damen hot and bothered. a game he could win, among the many other games he knows he’s losing—especially the ones against himself.

i’ll put together something more coherent before the divorce era ends. tbh, i kinda think this scene should have been a separate chapter, because there is some pretty massive whiplash here. although maybe not, maybe the buildup of emotional and sexual tension was the point. yeah, it was. the slavery stuff just made it more frustrating to read. never mind.

‘You’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. Since Nesson.’ He knew this mood. He should have expected it. He made himself say the words. ‘I came because I thought you might want to talk.’ ‘Not particularly.’

it almost sounds like laurent played himself, for the millionth time, by getting himself worked up with isander when he just really wanted damen

He said, ‘About your brother.’ ‘I never fucked my brother,’ said Laurent, with a strange edge to the words. ‘That is incest.’ They were standing in the place where his brother had died. With a disorientating sensation Damen realised they weren’t going to talk about that. They were going to talk about this.

"yes, honey..."

‘You’re right,’ said Damen. ‘I’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’ ‘Why?’ said Laurent. ‘Was I that good?’ ‘No. You fucked like a virgin,’ said Damen,

deserved

‘half the time. The rest of the time—’ ‘Like I knew what to do?’ ‘Like you knew what you were used to.’ He saw the words impact. Laurent swayed, like he’d been dealt a blow. Laurent said, ‘I’m not certain I can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment.’

oh well this is particularly horrifying with [redacted] context. also i think the quote “i’m not certain i can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment” says A LOT about how laurent has always viewed damen, for better or for worse. laurent can count on damen to tell him what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. so it makes sense that he’s been avoiding damen lately, because laurent is going through his own crisis of personal reflection

Damen said, ‘I don’t prefer sophistication in bed, if you were wondering.’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent. ‘You like it simple.’ All the breath left his throat. He stood, stripped, unready for it. Will you use even that against me? he wanted to say, and didn’t. Laurent’s breathing was shallow too, holding his ground.

is “that” just laurent making fun of the way damen is earnest in bed? seems like an overreaction from damen if that's the case, so it’s probably something else i’m missing. maybe laurent is accusing damen of keeping the secret of his identity, even when they fucked, to make things simpler between them? that would support my previous theory that laurent is convinced that damen wouldn’t want him how he really is, as damen really is, with all the complications between them. or it’s a dig about auguste somehow, and i just can’t figure out how it connects.

‘He died well,’ Damen made himself say. ‘He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain. The end was quick.’

like i said—what laurent needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. even if damen thinks that it’s going to make laurent hate him more, he still has the integrity to say it.

‘You sent your men out to look for me too?’ said Laurent, his mouth twisting. ‘No,’ said Damen, and pushed Laurent hard out of sight, into the shelter of one of the huge, crumbling blocks of stone. In the next second, the troop was on them, at least two hundred men, so that the air was thick with the passage of horses. Damen pressed Laurent firmly into the rock, and held him in place with his body. The riders didn’t slow, even on this uncertain ground in the dark, and any man in their path would be trampled, tumbled, kicked from hoof to hoof. Discovery was a real threat, the rock cool under his palms, the dark shuddering with the pounding of hooves and heavy lethal horseflesh. He could feel Laurent against him, the barely contained tension, adrenalin mixed with his dislike of the proximity, the urge in him to prise himself out and away, stifled by necessity.

throwback <3 i think this is very intentionally placed in this conversation, as a reminder that they are the same people they were in prince’s gambit

‘I know you’re not cold,’ said Damen. ‘You weren’t cold when you ordered me tied to the post. You weren’t cold when you pushed me down on your bed.’

more true things laurent does not want to hear right now! also i like the use of warmth, as the opposite of cold, to signify both vengeful rage and romantic/sexual passion. two sides of the same coin

‘A fair fight?’ said Laurent, turning back to him. ‘No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger.’

rewinding to their previous argument. aren’t they both tired? i’m tired.

#this might be the most mixed bag chapter for me so far #curious what other people think #might just be personal taste and an unfamiliarity with reading stories about this kink #or even like historical fiction/fantasy in general that might have systems like this one #if i'm reading about stuff like this it's probably something like the handmaid's tale #or a crime/thriller novel #so #shrugs #sam reads capri #capri #captive prince #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #lamen

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