#last year wasn't good for me
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(Gonna make posts like this based on my main AU featuring the murder toons and my OC Toon which is a sort of self insert)
Toon:"FINALLY! WINTER! You guys know what this means right?"
CC:"me and the mutt start growing fur instead of just being rubber-skinned all the time?"
CD:"the homeless populations gets higher and wes get to eats more of 'em?"
Skitzo: places a bloody Santa hat on his head
Toon:"uhh... Well, yes all three of those are right, but what I'm referring to is the fact that I get a break soon!"
CC:"ahh yes, the break you use to sit alone and cry in your room"
Toon:"I did that last year, THIS YEAR IMMA BE PRODUCTIVE!"
CD:"didn't last years you also saids that and nearlys off-ed yourself?"
Toon:"... Why is it that you all only pay attention to me when I'm at my lowest?"
Skitzo: growls
CC:"what he said, it's funny to laugh at ya when you're depressed"
#rambles from toon#skitzothe1920skillerbear#oc#oc stuff#cartoon cat#cartoon dog#the murder toons#every post I make thats based on my IRL stuff I'll make sure to label as S/I post#this is a S/I post#last year wasn't good for me
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I cannot believe no one’s gifed POV Ramattra tilting your chin up with his staff yet. Must I do everything around here.
#Overwatch#Ramattra#I'm going to get SO many 'Your gif was used in a post' Notifications from this one I can feel it#I know you'll never see it but y'all using this gif in your Ramattra X Reader posts I see you.#I'm gonna read every single one of them#Best way to find Character X Readers is to be the person making the hot gifs of the character#I get SO MANY posts from that one Alastor gif I clipped and it wasn't even good#It's not good I don't know why people use it fdkjgkdfjkg#I tried to make it slower but using free online tools the only thing I could do was turn down the frame count#And we don't want that now do we#This is the second time I gifed an Overwatch Omnic for me myself and I#This is the higher quality of the two but the other is Max from last year's Blizcon#Funny considering gifs that loop like this bother my eyes and upset my stomach#but SOMEONE'S gotta do it it might as well be me
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Gardening pals
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#kirby fanart#hoshi no kirby#taranza#Galacta Knight#last year I had it revealed to me in a dream that Galacta would enjoy gardening#it made so much sense back then#it doesn't make sense now but i don't make the rules#i think Taranza could show Galacta how to interact with fragile things without you know killing them#Galacta has been destructive for so long they have been used as a weapon for as long as they remember#and then being free and discovering they are capable of gentleness???#the best i think#i started rendering this yesterday i spent like 4 hours on it until i realized i hate rendering so gray it is#please forgive me rendering gods I'm just no good#morpho butterflies surround Galacta in the garden if it wasn't clear#i know some people see them and freak out for obvious reasons but they're kind to Galacta and Galacta is still grateful to them#do you like galacta's cap it took me so long to figure out out how to get it on their head#i don't know anything about gardening so i just made Taranza hold any gardening tool I could think of#he has too many hands in my opinion i don't know what to do with them
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Fuck it, here's all my favorite Mikey-centric fanfics!!
There's A LOT + personal blurbs, so they're going under the cut (Mostly AO3, but there are some FFN links, too. Also, besides like the first two, there's no favoritism in the order)
2k3:
Pretend That I Never Left by redstringraven(sirimiri) - Complete/Plans for an Epilogue & Sequel!!
Fic that changed my BRAIN?! If my fanart [1 | 2 | 3] for it is any indicator, lol. I'll say for the umpteenth time that if you're looking for an Excellent Mikey fic with Perfect Characterization, this is IT (and you don't need to know ANYTHING about HZD trust me TRUST ME this fic deserves WAY more love) His swift ride-or-die friendship with Aloy will melt your damn heart!
Dragon of the Sun by ForestWhisper3 - Ongoing
My Other TOP favorite Mikey fic!! Again, fanart [1 | 2 | 3] indicator! Slow Burn(ish) Canon Divergence of Mikey unlocking his Mystic Powers as his family looks on in dismay as they struggle to protect him. The Good Shit!!!
Of Darkness And Light by Bayluff - Complete
OOOOOOO THIS ONE! Very good (also drew fanart for it)! Evil creature literally trying to consume Mikey's lifeforce from within as his family scrambles to help
A Chat With The Titan by secreterces5 - Complete
Mikey has a fun one-on-one talk with the supposedly reformed Bishop in Fast Forward. Mikey vaguely threatening Bishop, HEEHEE
A Simple Act Of Kindness by UlisaBarbic - Complete
That feel when you put your worth in what you can DO and the wish to be Acknowledged and the ONE thing you thought you did right was taken away OOGH AGH OOOOGH
Difficulty Breathing by RealityBreakGirl - Complete
Mikey did not come out of Grudge Match unscathed *smile* Truly one of my favorite 03 Mikey prompts to read about (honestly just check the entirety of the Grudge Match tag on AO3 for a fun time)
"A delivery boy! Uh, or turtle." by LollyHolly99 - Complete
Fic that has the distinction of being the first one I ever did fanart for! Gender Feels for Mikey cuz they're just like me FR!!
What Darkness Most Fears by UlisaBarbic - Complete
OOOGH AGH I LOVE THIS ONE!! Mikey has to save his bros from the clutches of an evil spirit while surviving horrifying monsters and battling a wicked fever!
Michelangelo by ForestWhisper3 - Complete
Mikey through the eyes of his family and how much they respect him and know him UwU
Mikey's Jigsaw by SailorSaysAhoy - Complete
Another awesome gender Mikey fic HOOHAA
Train-Wreck of Thought by halogalopaghost - Complete
When you're so talented you learn how to astral project but you start using it for pranks instead of understanding the drawbacks of said power and that bites you majorly in the ass big time (very good my stomach turned while reading this /pos)
A Brother's Bond by SuperKat - Complete
Mikey gets Real Sick and the fam can't help but remember last time one of them got so ill. OH MAN heartstrings WILL be pulled in this one!!
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year by moogsthewriter - Complete
Why can't Mikey ever catch a break during Christmas! A short fic that I enjoy Immensely for Mikey being stubbornly heroic and his family desperately trying to play catch up to help him
Questioning Choices by Mystic Medjai - Complete
Fun day at the beach goes catastrophically bad and the fam has to make difficult decisions to keep Mikey alive. THIS THIS THIS!! If I could pour this into my veins for the perfectly paced plot and characterization...
When It Counts by Kallasilya - Complete
Short fic of Mikey stubbornly and bitterly proving his brothers wrong (+ Don being a good brother)
Favourite Disease by devirnis - Complete
Mikey is forced to save his brothers as his body gradually falls apart from the inside. SO GOOD UGH Mikey being forced to deal with situations on his own always show how far he can Shine!
Nowhere Boy by taizi - Complete
OOOH I dunno how I can summarize this without giving the plot away but just know Mikey pulls through by thinking of his family
To Fit the Crime by T33la - Complete
AHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHHH!! Mikey is accused of Murder and receives his sentence before his brothers can even jump to his defense! Oh the twists and turns of this murder mystery!!
you want to know why i sit and sigh (the night is so young it hurts) by love_killed_the_superstar - Complete
Angel and Mikey bonding over comics and unsupportive brothers So Cute)
imma be real with you (cause i started being real with me) by love_killed_the_superstar - Complete
Leo and Usagi being supportive of Mikey as he struggles to train for the upcoming Battle Nexus fight (and also maybe they flirt with each other a teensy bit)
just a hop, skip, and a jump away by baba_buoy - Complete
Mikey sick fic. Heart melting amounts of comfort UwU
Weak Link by yellowhollyhock - Complete
Sweet fic of Mikey feeling insecure about his place on the team, and Leo going through great lengths to prove him wrong like a good older brother :')
'Cause you are the sun, he is your moon/And though he can't speak, he will thank you soon by naivesilver - Complete
Post-Grudge Match Mikey waking up in the middle of the night bitter and sore and gods damn why's Raph awake, too?
Hunted by DysfunctionalRequest - Complete
Mikey wandering the woods alone in the middle of the night and having a VERY unfortunate encounter with hunters
Flipbook by T33la - Complete
Heartfelt moment between Mikey and Don concerning SAINW that makes me want to smash a cinder block against my head /pos
Dramaturgy by Completely_Unaware - Ongoing
Mind the tags! Mikey deals with a Battle Nexus loss in an unhealthy way (UmU)
The Red Means I Love You (Work) by AnonymousCritter - Ongoing
MIND THE TAGS! AU of Fast Forward. Mikey isn't saved from the traffickers in time and things spiral from there
The So-Called "Champion of the Battle Nexus" by 0ozero0 - Ongoing
Grudge Match canon divergence where Mikey gets hurt a little more seriously than in canon (but still wins)
2012:
Devil took your hand by moogsthewriter & taizi - Complete
Mikey mind controlled by the Shredder moment!! *laughs through my pain and tears and screaming*
walk with open hands by taizi - Complete
Mikey gets his hands on one of Renet's watches and things go topsy turvy from there (and it HURTS ME)
(un)reality by SpectrumWriting - Complete
Mind the Tags! Dimension X AU where Mikey is captured by the Kraang and is put through the wringer in more ways than one (OWIE)
evermore (Dimension X AU) series by coffeejellyenthusiast - Complete?
Mind the Tags! Mikey was in Dimension X for over a year and he's NOT OKAY
Gravitational Collapse series by Writing_In_Denial - Ongoing
MIND THE TAGS!! An Incredible it gets worse before it gets better series of Mikey being unintentionally abandoned by his brothers post-series and dealing with some Major Isolation and OOOGH IT HURTS ME SO MUCH BUT I WILL KEEP READING FOR THE EVENTUAL COMFORT
traveling so far to get there by taizi - Complete
Mikey and Raph getting stuck in an empty, post-apocalyptic world and struggling to survive (their BOND IN THIS IS SO SWEET WEH)
Rise:
nice, nice by postergirlsprank - Complete
Short fic of Casey Sr and Mikey bonding after an unfortunate encounter while on a snack run (Hey if you want more context for how this author writes Casey, go read his fic Imperfect Animals too heehoo)
either way, we're not alone by sinaesthesis - Complete
Mikey throughout the years of the Kraang Apocalypse (Lots of Loss and Hurt and Badassery)
going under by redhairedmuses - Complete
Mikey almost drowns during a fight with a mutant
Hyperactive Hypothermia by VeryAngryGremlin - Complete
After Mikey's winter wear accidentally goes in flames and a villain-enduced avalanche, Donnie struggles to keep his baby brother warm
that’s where the blood’s supposed to be! by Dragon_Scales_and_Fairy_Tales - Complete
With Raph and Leo constantly bickering, Mikey ignores a very serious injury after a fight with Meat Sweats
Clever Little Dino! by VeryAngryGremlin - Complete
Mikey trying to keep a robot pet a secret and suffering the consequences
Vs The World by DysfunctionalRequest - Complete
The aftermath of the Kraang strains the family's bonds, and Mikey feels hopelessly alone (and definitely isn't dealing with his trauma properly)
Empathy Amplified by Filsamek - Complete
When you accidentally use your powers to connect with your brothers' emotions then purposefully use them to ease their pain
Sunshine in the Rain by Carnati0n_bl00m - Complete
Probably the first fic I read after watching the Rise movie cuz I wanted to find something Mikey-centric involving Bishop and BOY does it deliver with the additional bonus of Leatherhead!! (also hey look fanart)
A Mystic Connection by rytheoneandonly - Complete
Mikey's mystic powers manifesting and evolving in ways he could never predict (aka Long Fic of Mikey stumbling to figure out why he wakes up exhausted and hurt every night)
The whole world in your corner series by GibbousLunation - Complete
Two fics of Mikey being Mikey and his bros being protective
Better Check Twice by Marz_Zero - Ongoing
Bishop captures a turtle with a bear trap (OW) and is an absolute bastard about it
Come Home Soon by Sherlock_Brolmes - Ongoing
With his brothers unavailable, Mikey (with the help of a former enemy) uncovers a massive conspiracy involving New York and the Hidden City. I LOVE THIS I LOVE SOLO DUO TEAM-UPS!!!! *PUNCHES THE AIR 13 TIMES*
Mikey's Artistic Guide to Dealing with Trauma and Fame by Origami_Nami - Ongoing
Mikey using graffiti as an outlet and accidentally becoming famous
Rook by unorthodoxx - Ongoing
Another Bishop fic of him outwitting the turtles to abduct one of them (Mikey)
Multi/Other:
Mystic Malfunction by VanillaVengeance - Ongoing
Rise Mikey accidentally portals himself to the 2012 Universe and struggles to survive and avoid this other version of his family (with mixed success). The progression of familial bonds in this is just *Chef's Kiss*
The Gauntlet by T33la - Complete
A mix of IDW & 03, a wonderful showcase of how Donnie and Mikey support each other (also, a cool invention and a big rocket and a terrifying near-death experience are involved)
I Get Knocked Down (But I Get Up Again) by Justalittleobsessed - Ongoing
MIND THE TAGS!!! Set in its own original iteration, Mikey has been immortal for as long as he can remember, and he's used to his occasional deaths (and revivals). But then his brothers find out... (AGH AGH THIS ALSO HURTS MEEEEE BUT OOGH the comfort and hope of the later chapters is so Worth It)
Whumptober 2023 series by Justalittleobsessed - Ongoing?
Collection of Mikey-centric one-shots from different iterations and feeling the HURT (Personal favorites are If Only the World Could Stop Spinning..., Just a Flesh Wound, and Not the Best of Days)
To Know Peace (You Gotta Let Go) by Deadpool1763492 - Ongoing (technically)
The Last Ronin Spoilers!! Mikey survives and whisks the new turtle tots away to live on a farm instead of being raised as soldiers. (AUUUUUU THE FEELS!! THE TOTS! MIKEYYYY!!!)
How to accidentally kidnap yourself several times over by Camildeni - Ongoing
Rise Mikey gets captured and accidentally summons other iterations (03, 12, and Bay) of himself trying to get out! They do NOT have a good time!! (but at least they have each other)
the dad diaries by angelmichelangelo - Ongoing
More TLR Mikey being a Dad (and dealing with his trauma sorta kinda)
The neighboring cell by SaltyYagi - Ongoing
2012 Mikey and Rise Leo trying to escape Dimension X together (and bonding)
Bonus Non-Mikey-centric:
Weathered Strings, Tethered Wings by Deadpool1763492 - Ongoing
(2003) SAINW AU!!! With the possibility of Don being alive dangled in front of them, the remaining turtles begrudgingly reunite to save him. Drew a cover for this with more art to come! LOVING the slow burn of reconciliation between these bitter old turtles UwU (Bitter Old Mikey my poor Bestie)
Mutant Nightmare by HamsterMasterSamster - Complete
(2003) The immediate aftermath of Worlds Collide
Hanging By A Turtle by CamsthiSky - Complete
(Rise) Literally the turtles struggling to get out of a deep pit they're hanging over
Shell Game by T33la - Complete
(2003) OKAY OKAY SO!!! OOGH Don encounters something Impossible while prepping a tracking device (for himself) and it snowballs into another Renet-involved time adventure (AND UMMM lots of existential contemplation and a surprise historical guest who's Very Cool)
Turtle Power by halogalopaghost - Complete
(2003) Immediate aftermath of the star ship reactor explosion in Exodus
Disposable by orphan_account (kudos to you wherever you are, author) - Complete
(2003) Bishop captures Don and Mikey and gives them a terrible choice
Dissection by AmevelloBlue - Complete
(2003) So much Comfort after the trauma of Worlds Collide (ie Don's interrogation and Mikey almost getting sliced open)
Find the Road by SillySocks - Complete
(2003) Perfect encapsulation of the family as they cope with Leo's absence while he trains with the Ancient One
Handle with Care by HamsterMasterSamster - Complete
(2003) April is seriously injured during a mission and has to deal with the turtles distancing themselves from her as she recovers
mind-body problem by hiraethseok - Complete
(2003) April and the Turtles Being Siblings the Fic
Healing in Tandem by Eggstasy - Complete
(2003) Canon divergence of Worlds Collide where Splinter is just a little too late to intervene before Bishop starts sawing into Mikey's shell
Let's Take Ibuprofen Together by GreenGoddessSmoothie - Ongoing
(2003) The turtles swap body and have learn to cope with each other's chronic pain
Not the Face I Know by GreenGoddessSmoothie - Ongoing
(2003) Mikey accidentally makes a wish that changes his family's lives forever (THEY'RE HUMAN THEY BECOME HUMAN AND THE PLOT IS COOL AND ALSO QUEER THEMES MY BELOVED)
The Great Skittle Heist of 2105 by AmevelloBlue - Ongoing
(2003) AU of Fast Forward where the Dark Turtles are babies instead and are very swiftly adopted by the Fam
The Labyrinth by HALFnHALF1 - Ongoing
(Mix of IDW/03) The Turtles wake up separated in a labyrinth with only a mysterious voice in their heads to guide them (and manipulate them)
“You didn’t tell me your extended family was in town!” by BoStaffsAreCool - Ongoing
Post-Turtles Forever. The 03 fam is Just beginning to wind down after the events of the movie and look who's knocking at April's door (the 87 turtles)
#tmnt#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2k3#tmnt 2012#rottmnt#tmnt Mikey#fic recs#bamf mikey#all day every day#hurt/comfort#angst#whump#no hurt/no comfort though!!! I don't really like fics where it's doom and gloom with no comfort catharsis at the end#let me know if I should add Mind the Tags to other fics my gauge for hurt is a little wonky#lots of gender feels for 2k3 Mikey because that's just who he is#I added the bonus fics cuz I wasn't gonna make a separate post for them so cope and enjoy if you wanna#sorry there's not that many 12 or even Rise ones I don't look for those as much as 03 (I am biased lol)#wow can y'all believe I started drafting this in like May of Last Year???#anyways anyways I'll update this whenever I find another good Mikey fic#feel free to drop Mikey fic recs in my askbox and I'll let you know if I've tried reading them or not (I probably have)#lokibeann if you're reading this sorry it took longer than I said it would to post this I underestimated how long it would take and-#overestimated my ability to remember the plots of the ones I haven't read in a while lol
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So you guys have just been coping with this since 2019. Okay.
#yugioh vrains#ygo vrains#vrains#'now i understand that definition. i loved you.' OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to go back and listen again but i'm like 95% sure that the word that gets translated as 'people' can also mean 'someone'#ai means to love someone. i loved you.#vrains spoilers I GUESS? SORRY I KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE FOLLOWING ME WHO HAVENT WATCHED VRAINS#BUT IT'S ALSO BEEN OUT FOR 4 YEARS. IDK.#i've been steadily processing this for the past three days straight. i admittedly wasn't crazy about vrains' last season but good lord#i didn't expect the finale to grab me and shake me violently about like that. you guys really live like this?
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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What a plot twist you were. [x]
#Like. The narrator introduces jc to us as the antagonist#Then we got to know him. Not who people think he's. But who he really is#And we saw jc giving wwx a piggyback. Giving him soup. Rescuing him. Putting himself between wwx and any danger (madam yu/wen soldiers)#And even the staged fight. It's yk. Staged#jc wanted to protect wwx at any cost. But wwx wasn't willing to compromise. But jc did#The fight was wwx's idea. Because jc is an enabler (just like jfm and jyl)#jc is ready to bend for his loved ones sake#The point is. Every action jc takes. Is in the name of his loves ones' safety. And surprise. wwx is one of the people jc really cares about#Even after wwx' return. Aside a broken cup. jc isn't doing much to stop wwx or anything. We know that jl was able to free wwx from Zidian#only because jc - Zidian's primary master- wanted it!#And jc fling himself into danger countless times to save wwx even though wwx can't sit still with him for a hot minute#What I wanted to say it's that the jc is presented to us - the mean ungrateful man- is very different from the real jc -#the indulgent uncle who rolls his eyes at his nephew antics. the brother who buries the hatchet for his sister's happiness.#the uncle who kinda wants to help wn to get up from the floor because he was an ass to jc but he helped jl and that's what matters to jc#the sect leader who let two women speak freely their mind in a patriarchy society#People better than me have already said this. shit I can't remember my point lmao#Like. jc is presented as an antagonist but what this man wanted was an apology and an explanation#This post is a mix of a rant I wrote last year (ha) after seeing a bad take. About what I don't remember lmaoo. And me wanting#to make gifs of wzc in this scene. Why does he look so good. It should be illegal. Seriously#jiang cheng#*mgifs
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Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.
-Record-
-----
Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.
Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.
After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.
Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#the ink demonth#joey drew#bendy oc#batim oc#return to the studio au#bendy au#crookedsmileart#also ALSO alternatively: ''I put Joey in yet another uncomfortable situation because I like putting him in misery#cuz that's what he deserves <3'';#fellas; I'm not gonna lie; I'm feeling the drive to do Ink Demonth prompts dying#I think I'll do two more prompts; and after that? time to throw in the towel#I'll be able to reach/surpass the number of prompts I did last year; which was 10. which I'm fine with to be honest.#I also want to move on to drawing other things so I think this is the best decision#it was fun; and as always; it was obvious that I wasn't going to finish the event#but I did what I could and wanted to do#any other ideas I had for the event maybe I'll do another day when I feel like it#but besides the two I'm still going to do? that's it.#let's end the event in a good way (and better than last year)#and yes; one of those two prompts will be putting Joey in a bad situation. again lol.#look the ideas I have are the only ones I can do in the timeframe I've put myself in#one of them coincidentally involves putting Joey in a bad situation again; can you really blame me for that GBAWOERBGUWP
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...
You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.
And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?
(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)
Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?
You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.
You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.
#Dimension 20#fig faeth#fhjy#Idle Chatter#my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art#because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make#the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art#which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!!#so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist#anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way#ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH#BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU#it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem#you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life#if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates#SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters
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Okay I can't work on it right now but someone please remind me in like a week that I want to make a cria plushie, closer to life size than I usually make my plushies
#my aunt and uncle run an alpaca farm and it's cria season#and they keep posting pictures and they are so ridiculously adorable#I mean technically they are not my aunt and uncle#they are my dad's friends that I (as a small child) unilaterally decided were family#because my uncle is really really good with animals and they always had a bunch#and I loved animals so much as a little kid I was like okay clearly they have to be family#so that I can visit more often and see puppies. the only solution#and then I taught my little brother that they were our aunt and uncle#not really on purpose but also by that time it stuck#and I did get to see the puppies more often!#and now they run a farm! and people bring them rescue animals all the time#I haven't seen them in a few years but last time I was there my uncle walked up to me and handed me a sheep#and then I was just standing there very surprised holding a sheep who was also very surprised#the first time I ever saw a frog in real life (and not at a zoo) was at my aunt and uncle's house#it wasn't their frog it was just a frog chilling on the wall by their door#that's not relevant I just think they are super cool#both frogs and my aunt and uncle
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I don't think that framing "Marginalized™️ Atheism/Deconstruction" and "Cishet White Male Atheism/Deconstruction" as inherently ~separate and distinct~ is super effective (and disclaimer I'm specifically speaking about my experience with christianity, atheism, and ex christian atheists/deconstructors), but also... okay so I was raised in a cult, and cults are oppressive for all its members. Nobody gets out unscathed, everyone experiences the abuse tactics, everybody is a victim. But within the cult there is a hierarchy, and cishet white men are at the top. So while the cult is oppressive to everyone, and everyone is harmed in some way, it is also uniquely oppressive to queer folks, to BIPOC, to disabled folks, to women, etc etc. And the thing that happens to some of those cishet white men is they leave an oppressive cult, where they are considered the "default", and they go into the ~real world~, where they are also considered the "default", and even in atheist/deconstruction spaces, their bodies and experiences are often the leading voices.
The men that leave go from an oppressive patriarchal culture to a far less oppressive (to them) patriarchal society. The white people that leave go from an oppressive racist culture to a far less oppressive (to them) racist society. The people that leave go from an oppressive culture that does not value marginalized voices to a different, less oppressive culture that also does not value marginalized voices. And if you personally do not experience [xyz] oppression, it can be difficult to even realize there are things surrounding that you have to deconstruct unless you listen to the voices of the oppressed. But some cishet white men go from being considered the "default" in an oppressive culture, to being considered the "default" in a less oppressive culture (to them). Their experience of "overcoming systemic oppression" comes from leaving the church, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap that the church, specifically, is the sole oppressor and enemy of everyone.
Of course this doesn't happen in every single case and it's also not exclusive to cishet white men. But those blind spots are why I think it's important for everyone to listen to a variety of voices when they're deconstructing, especially if those voices are talking about oppression you wouldn't have experienced firsthand.
No, our deconstructions are not inherently different, but the experiences and circumstances prior to it often are. It's okay to acknowledge that and beneficial for everybody to listen to each other's experiences.
#ex cult#ex christian#deconstruction#also extremely not claiming that i was or even am currently perfect about this#it really wasn't something i considered until the last couple years and i started getting on deconstruction tiktok#but when i was first deconstructing almost all of the deconstruction content i was consuming was cishet white and male#(one person not being het)#and like tbf these people generally seemed like good people just trying to do their best. it's nothing against them#but i didn't realize how like... important listening to other voices would be#both for the camaraderie and for learning#like yes i was chronically ill while in the church w both mental and physical conditions and it was damaging to me#but i was also not visibly disabled#and i didn't really pick up on how the church treated and harmed people who are visibly disabled while i was in it#and it wasn't something i really considered until i saw someone who was visibly disabled talk about their experience#how they'd get harassed at church#how everyone wanted to lay hands and pray for a miracle#how they were treated as the problem when praying didn't cure them#how people thought it was caused by sin or demons or lack of faith or whatever else#yes there is some overlap in our experiences but some things just didn't even cross my mind before bc it wasn't my personal experience#anyway diversify the voices you listen to when you're deconstructing it's good for you!!!
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I don't think I mentioned at the time because it was in the middle of kirb2k#but I had an appointment with a hematologist last week#they confirmed the culprit behind my chronic illness is definitely my mast cells#but I need to get a bone marrow biopsy next month to find out#if it's actually not-technically-autoimmune (mcas)#or if it's actually not-technically-cancer (mastocytosis)#which is actually good news cuz 1 someone finally confirmed my nearly 6 year old hypothesis instead of just agreeing (or disagreeing)#and 2 if it *is* mastocytosis they're gonna start medicating me A Lot more aggressively :)#which I need! I've been sick for right about 8 years now but it's gotten rapidly worse in the past 1-1.5 years#so clearly I'm badly under-medicated#(since I've been on all the same meds for 2 years except for my own emergency intervention.)#(I mean technically I've been chronically ill my whole life it just wasn't disabling until early 2016)#anyway I'm so tired I feel like a ragdoll half the time! sure hope I get adequate medication in a couple months!
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Papi, are you alive? Thunderbolts trailer leaked and we got Hailee back from the dead (and there's the movie with Andrew and Florence and its KYAU coded as fuck) Kate and Yelena content galor this week. PLEASE COME BACK. We've been deprived for a year. It's been jail for too long. Grace us with Kate x Yelena content again. Pretty please.
*taps mic* Is this thing on?
#i don't even know what compelled me to open this again tonight but this is a funny message to get today#man it really has been two weeks short of a year#hi#life has been.........interesting lol#and yes#I have seen all of the kate x yelena content and if you don't think I have fifteen million new AUs in my head in a year you don't know me#also like 59 new clexa AUs#my brain is my brain#just because I wasn't here doesn't mean writing wasn't gettimg done#man WHAT A YEAR lol#but I'm glad y'all even care what I have to say about anything lol#I got an email a few weeks about that this blog turned 18#like a 'happy birthday to your blog' or some shit tumbrl email#and nothing has ever made me feel older#this blog is old enough to vote lmao#and I had a tumble before I just deleted and started fresh#I've been on this hellsite too long#anyway...Papi has been through Some Shit#some GOOD some almost legit killed me#the last four months have been...SOMETHING#but I'm here I'm gay and I've never stopped coming up with AUs#for clexa or bishova#I was just...doing life#rants#anonymous#answers
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Knowing less about us is probably better for the mythology. You know, like 'What the hell is going on with those guys?' I like that.
- Russell Mael, 2008 (from Talent Is An Asset - The Story of Sparks by Daryl Easlea)
#this quote is making me mortally sorry that I've got a public blog XD#though I think the more people know about them they're either going to say this more - or they're going to be like 'yep. those are my guys.#plus there's the documentary now and we all know that many people thought it wasn't about a real band which proves that point :')#anyway I guess we need to spread a few more lies here and there.#cryptid sparks#russell mael#sparks#quote#(I am enjoying this book quite a bit. If everything in it is true I can't know but I am having a good time)#(had that book for about 11 years now. only just started last week :') I am terrible at reading books.)#talent is an asset - the story of sparks#sparks book#daryl easlea
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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