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reidecorating · 4 years ago

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L'amore Vero È Così (True Love is Like This)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

A/N: Woke up with a killer headache after celebrating the end of 2020 and thought writing something loosely based off events that took place on NYE would be a good cure. Hope this year’s been treating you all well!

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: Summer nights and Spencer Reid make it hard for anyone to keep their hands to themselves. Add David Rossi’s holiday mansion and wine to the mix, and watch a dangerously hot fuse ignite

Warnings: Language (as in cursing AND me just completely butchering Italian), unprotected sex, penetrative sex

Masterlist

Maybe it was the Sauternes. Like a spark igniting along the fuse of dynamite, the sweet sting of white grape travelled down her throat, every sip exploding in kaleidoscopic vision and unfiltered words. Even so, it wasn’t the alcohol she was drunk on. No, not drunk - she wasn’t drunk - she was absolutely intoxicated. Not by anything of substance, but by an overwhelming desire for the man she had arrived with.

Spencer Reid often felt out of place standing in any absurdly large entranceway, belonging to the old Italian with new money, recurrently settling for shifting from shoe to shoe, before taking a deep breath and pressing the doorbell with the hand unoccupied by a bottle he wouldn’t be drinking from. However, his sobriety was far from the cause of his imposter syndrome. Rather, it was the way he always arrived alone, while, what felt like, the rest of the team trickled in with their spouses or significant others. Whilst pairs would dance to vinyl sounds of Bowie, leaving little room for him and the odd number his presence formed in the abacus of the group, he would loiter in a corner, or, on occasion, entertain his godson with a pack of cards. More frequently, he would rattle off excuses about needing the restroom, only to spend his time exploring the corridors of a rather impressive house. A get together at David Rossi’s holiday home was uncommon, and the last time Spencer had wound up here, he found himself inspecting the tiny forgotten library the man housed, attempting to decipher the various foreign books residing on its mahogany shelves as he heard his friends stumbling their way through the Salsa downstairs. L'isola di Arturo, with sterling lettering on its ageing spine showing a familiar pen name, had quickly become his favourite. When he’d first translated the pages, he had chuckled at the parallels between himself and its disconsolate protagonist. However, after years of his ongoing solitude, and lonely arrivals to a castle full of people, he finally had someone on his arm.

“Wait, what does this mean? I can make out the ‘amore’ but not much else,” That someone now squinted at the words his index finger underlined as he read her the words of that very book, aloud. “Hm?” He was visibly distracted by the Patchouli blend of orange and jasmine emanating from her skin as she leaned against his shoulder to read the page herself. “L'amore vero è così,” she whispered, unsure of the correct pronunciation but attempting it anyway. “Non ha nessuno scopo e nessuna ragione, e non si sottomette a nessun potere fuorché alla grazia umana,” she finished in a whisper, affecting Spencer in a way he hadn’t anticipated. Through fluttering eyelashes, she looked up at him, awaiting his rendition, and suddenly the temperature felt as if it had risen. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been here almost as many times as him; she knew her way around Rossi’s holiday home, but Spencer had insisted on showing her his favourite room, claiming she hadn’t seen it yet. Diverting her attention from Emily’s anecdotes, “I kind of want you all to myself for a little bit,” he whispered in a kiss on her shoulder, proceeding to take her hand and pull her away from chatter over a jug of Cuban rum and homemade pizza - making sure to dissect, in explanation, nearly every painting adorning the maze of hallways on their short trek. He cleared his throat, prying his gaze away from the skin her little black dress revealed, unabashedly scanning her lips before using his own to form words. “True love is like this,” he subtly eyed her reaction to his words as he tried hard to not transliterate the European language. “It has no purpose and no reason, and it does not submit to any power except human grace.” Spencer’s voice was a newly inked quill, ebbing and flowing through the hot air of the dimly lit room. The dark winged butterflies that had been floating around her stomach all evening fluttered in a frenzy at his words, and the way the chartreuse of his eyes had been absorbed by black as they laid on her. “For such a dark story, it’s so beautiful,” she exhaled in a hushed tone, stare not leaving his as he slowly slid the book into the hollow slot where it had previously inhabited, too occupied by reading her demeanour to pay the book any more attention. “You think so? The author, Morante, Elsa Morante, was actually considered the greatest writer of Italy’s postwar generation, at one point.” Spencer began to rest his weight against the wall as they conversed. “I feel as if we always hear about Bassani or Parise, and all the unorthodox things Landolfi wrote in the fifties. It’s very refreshing to hear of a woman getting some well deserved recognition in such a male dominated niche,” she remarked. A dimple appeared on Spencer’s cheek as he grinned at the way she sounded a lot like him. “Agreed. In fact, Morante actually claimed she wished she’d been born a boy, so that she could have all of these heroic adventures. Once, when she was asked about the hero of that book,” he pointed towards the worn copy of L'isola di Arturo, “she commented: ‘Arturo, c’est moi!’,”

“Living vicariously through him? Interesting,” she tilted her head slightly, “I also think its remarkable how beauty can emerge from so much pain,” she mulled aloud. His eyebrows raised at her words and the flux in her tone of voice. Slowly, she stepped towards him, forearms resting on his shoulders, entangling behind him.

Earlier, she’d had the privilege of styling him as he stood in front of their shared mirror, muttering complaints of how he had 'nothing to wear’. Now, she repeated maledictions to herself regarding the clothing she had chosen, in her head, as she admired the way his black shirt was rolled up at the sleeves - displaying intricate nerves shadowing his fingers and arms - and simultaneously unbuttoned temptingly low on his chest, exposing the silver chain presenting a small initial, hers. The summer night had made sure a thin veil of sweat coated his collarbones, glistening with his movements under the lamp light. “It’s not a surprising process though - I mean, after the year you’ve had, just look at how pretty you are,”

“Did you just-” he gulped, chuckling, “use the copious amounts of semi-resolved trauma I harbour to romance me?”

“I may have,” she whispered into the skin below his ear, both hands now tangled in his hair as he remained pressed up against the wall, grateful that every wound, fight and flaw had led them here. And she never ceased to make her gratitude known. Tonight, though, ever since she’d caught sight of his hand gripping a cold glass, the strong concoction presumably belonging to Luke, she hadn’t been able to stop envisioning his body on top of hers. Unbeknownst to her, his thoughts had been very similar from the second she’d chosen to wear the satin fabric, claiming it matched his shirt, while leaving very little to the imagination. “Y/N,” he spoke, his body involuntarily leaning into hers. “We can’t- Not now.” His body language betrayed his words. “I don’t study behaviour for a living, unlike everyone else here, but Spencer, right now, yours tells me we can,” she brought down a hand to squeeze his wrist, which was resting against her lower back. He couldn’t breathe. Tongue in cheek, he shook his head at her, a smirk breaking way. “You, my pretty lady, are something else,” he caved, switching their position in a more urgent manoeuvre than either of them anticipated. Spencer’s hands grasped her jaw, his breath fanning over her before his lips collided with hers, messily. A hand cradled the back of her head, heeding any impact with the wooden blockade behind her, fingers and hair tangling together. Her hands travelled along his body, pinky tugging on his necklace in pursuit of closeness, while her lips roamed around his bobbing Adam’s apple, eliciting an exquisite string of moans. Spencer’s leg wedged itself between hers, slowly grazing his thigh against her, using a firm grip to guide her hips downwards, her soft sighs and tugs at his roots only encouraging him.

The euphoria was short lived. A rapping on the library door tore them apart, its hinges creaking and giving way to an astounded looking Penelope Garcia. “Naughty!” she factitiously gasped. “I didn’t think the good doctor and his fine missus had it in them, but I was very, very wrong,”

“We were just-“ Y/N began, only to be cut off by the tipsy agent. “Save the excuses, beautiful lady. I was simply quested to find you two, and let you know that the rest of us are off to take a dip in the spa. Bring your boy toy, and scrumptious self, and join us ASAP - oh! And no funny business! There are children here,” Penelope gestured her two fingers away from her spectacles and towards each of them as a silent threat of ‘I’m watching you’. Y/N and Spencer exchanged a look, both flushed in different shades of red, on their way to creating a colour wheel. As Penelope spun on her heels and rushed to shut the door behind her, “Thank you, Penelope!” Y/N squeaked, Spencer exclaiming a timid “And sorry!” The two of them broke out into a fit of laughter, still frazzled. “I think I’m getting a little too comfortable with your team,” she grimaced, earning a laugh from the doctor. Later, as Spencer led her towards a bathroom, her arms occupied by a stack of towels, his hand on the small of her back, he dreaded the amount of self control he would need to invoke when the two of them would undress to change.

What she had said wasn’t entirely untrue. She was indeed very comfortable with his team. If Spencer could have met himself, a year ago, anxious to introduce who he was sure was the love of his life to his dearest friends, he would flick himself in the head. She, not alarmingly, managed to get along with everyone, almost better than he did. Somehow managing to find common ground, even with Aaron Hotchner. He recalls, one night, months ago, listening to her and the usually stoic man debate about which broadway production was better: The Producers or The Phantom of the Opera. Spencer also recalls exactly how riled up he became as he watched her put the ex-theatric-gone-lawyer in his place after calling upon Spencer for some Tony Award statistics. Admittedly, he actively needed to combat the green eyed monster on his back whenever she would go jogging with Luke - but the way she kissed him before leaving, on her tiptoes in her running shoes, whispering ‘I love you’, and ‘I’m really only going for Roxy’, helped. She had become family, the invisible stamp of approval having been silently awarded when they all saw the looks the two of them shared, the three subtle squeezes in their woven hands, and the way Spencer now smiled with his teeth - the way they way they would move the moon and the earth for one another.

Packed into the watery sauna, words exchanged between the group travelled into the atmosphere, a waxing gibbous eavesdropping overhead. She watched as Spencer squirmed across from her at the nearness to so many sweaty bodies, shoulders, elbows, knees and toes, belonging to anybody and everybody, poking him. Her eyes trailed along the dips and swells at the base of his neck, decorated in its usual, dainty, shimmering pendant, the bones there protruding as he slouched forward. Spencer’s hair was matted, condensation ironing chestnut ringlets to his forehead, complimenting his heated crimson cheeks. The butterflies returned, her stomach flipping as he ran his hand through the mop of curls to ease his discomfort. More of him - that was what she wanted. She hadn’t noticed, but she had been biting her lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. Pulling her back from her thoughts, a heavy exhale travelled past her left ear, changing the course of the steam emerging from the water - a stream of air enough to deflate a person, she noticed. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed.” The blonde rested her head against the barrier of the tub, seeing bright patterns on her eyelids as they shut over her eyes momentarily. Y/N reached over and grasped one of her shoulders in a clinical manner. “Who are you, and what have you done with Jennifer and the gruelling tension in her neck and jaw?” She interrogated, lightheartedly. “What can I say? Stress is my middle name,” she chuckled. “While we’re on the topic, though... Maybe you could give me one of those trigger-point massages,” she opened one eye, an iris burning sapphire, the blue only rival to that of the one from The Tell Tale Heart, finding Y/N’s face. Retreating her hand, having made her point, she let out a laugh at JJ’s words, “I’m afraid that’ll cost y-” Y/N’s eyes widened at the familiar dialect of the words, a charlatan on JJ’s tongue. “Wait a minute, can you repeat what you just said, but slowly?”

“Oh, I know you heard me perfectly clear,” JJ smirked at her, eyebrows raising as her eyes shifted between the flustered woman and Spencer.

They had a friendship of unfamiliar closeness, which JJ cherished. After nights of babysitting turning into wining with Merlot and dining on flaming dreaded cheese puffs, stashed away in an airtight container, upon JJ’s arrival home, the two had grown close. The agent was grateful for conversation veering away from work, and for someone seeing her from a different lens; one through which she wasn’t fizzled down to a petrie dish of a mother through a workaholic microscope. Y/N was curious to know how her famous mandatory-Spencer-de-stressing-trigger-point massages had come up in conversation between JJ and her, now guilty looking, boyfriend. She crossed her fingers in hopes that he’d spared the details of the events that usually took place following the neck rubs - another kind of de-stressing altogether. “Do you guys hear that? I think Will’s calling me- and I should go put Henry to bed… It’s quite late…” she exaggerated, wearing a redolent expression as she slunk away with a towel around her cold frame. “We’ll talk later, Jareau,” she looked up at JJ, after the shivering woman squeezed her shoulders in a bid goodnight, waving to the small crowd. Swiftly, Y/N’s gaze met Spencer’s, her figure not having left his vision once.

The yard and small pool was clearing out, save for Luke and Tara bickering in the corner, so, through the bubbling water, she waded in Spencer’s direction, noticing the way he was evidently mentally undressing her. As if by his telepathy, a thin strap of her bathing suit slipped from its place, causing the gears in Spencer’s head to stop turning as he swallowed thickly. “Hey handsome, long time no speak.” A soft smile graced his lips, adoration for her evident, in place of his muted response. Wordlessly, he slipped a finger beneath the strap, tentatively putting it back in place, refusing to break eye contact in some unspoken play for power. “What’re you up to?” She squinted, wondering exactly what his motives were. “Nothing much,” he pulled her closer by the waist, whispering in a gravelly voice only she could hear, “I’m just thinking about how you didn’t get the chance to finish what you started, earlier,”

“Are you implying that you want me to…” she floated onto his lap, hands draping around his neck to steady herself, “pick up where we left off?” The question left her mouth in a breathy whisper, straight into his ear. He turned to look at her, unblinking. “I’m implying, that I’ve had those pretty noises you make replaying in my head all night, and that I’d like to hear them again,”

“Remind me, doctor, which one of us said ‘we can’t’?,” she mocked his whine, rolling her eyes back. “I have a better suggestion, how about you remind me which one of us struggled to stand the last time we played this game?” The calmness of his voice was the antithesis of the fire she was feeling inside her. Satisfied with her speechlessness, his eyes drifted down her body as she pried herself off him, settling in the plastic indent of a hot tub seat to his side. The attention of the pair of lovers were drawn to Tara’s laughter as she stepped into a robe, calling it a night. “What’d we miss?” Spencer’s clueless innocence returned, as if the words he’d spoken before were now out of mind. Devilishly, Tara responded, “Oh, you know, just me completely destroying this man’s ego,”

“Doesn’t take much does it?” Y/N offered Tara her fist in solidarity. “No it does not,” Tara chuckled, bumping it with her own. “You guys do realise that I’m right here?” Luke scoffed, also drying himself off. “I think that adds to their point?” Spencer offered, pursing his lips, amused. “Well, I’m going to go and catch some sleep, and maybe even shed a few tears over what’s been said about me,” he playfully scowled at Tara walking away, throwing a middle finger at him through the air without looking back. “Trust me, they are very professional,” Spencer promised, turning towards his only remaining company in laughter. “I’m sure they are,” she joked returning a smile.

The two of them talked beneath an ink sky, stars like pinpricks in a blanket twinkling through their conversation, until she found herself on Spencer’s lap, once again, the ambience shifting to something far more carnal. Throughout the night, like a band of elastic stretching between two fingers, the tension between them had heightened. Now, they both tested the limits, anticipating its snap. His chlorine skin tasted electric on her tongue as she painted his neck and chest with a lilac rendition of the silver initial dangling there, letting his sighs catch in the shells of her ears. Allowing her tongue to explore his mouth, his hands tightened around her waist. “Mhm, no, Y/N,” he spoke, regaining his fleeting conscience. “This,” — kiss — “is a bad,” — kiss — “idea,”

“Spencer, look,” she glanced over at the house, and his eyes followed suite, craning his neck slightly. “What do you see?” She asked. “Aside from a house bigger than my entire apartment complex?” Her face was a deadpan. “All the lights are out, Spencer,” she gave him a look that said, come on, profiler, figure it out. Not a single connection formed in his head as he stared at the way the luminous blue of the night time water cast ripples on her skin - skin which was all over his. “All the lights are out… It’s late… and everyone’s asleep,” he reasoned, more to himself than in response to her insinuation. “We have no real chance of getting caught, plus…” her dark eyes were obscured by the eyelashes sheltering them as she tilted her head. “Would it be so bad if we did?” Two of her fingers danced along his chest, walking towards the damp hair at the nape of his neck, using the strands to pull him closer. “Everyone knowing exactly how good you make me feel?” She purred the last part in his ear, tugging at the cartilage with her teeth. Spencer partially whimpered. “Don’t hold back, gorgeous boy. You sound as good as you taste.” His eyes shut as his head hit the rim of the spa - only briefly losing himself once her mouth was on him again. “Someone’s talking like they’re in charge,” he tilted her chin up towards him, forcing her eyes onto his own. “I seem to be the one doing all the work here,” she teased. He kissed each of her collarbones, eyes still trained on hers. “You shouldn’t speak so soon.” With that, he undid the top of her swim suit, exposing her chest to the frigid night air, compelling a gasp. “Truthfully, I’ve been thinking about doing this a majority of the night.” The bass in his voice reached her core. “For someone who is so fastidious about cleanliness, you sure have a dirty, dirty mind, doct-” She never had the chance to finish the honorific, his lips moulding around a hardening nipple, allowing his fingers to toy with the other. Rolling his tongue around the bud, he smiled to himself as he heard her call out his name, over and over, as if her voice was coming through a scratched vinyl. “Where’s all the talk from before?”

“You’re evil,” she groaned, her hips bucking against his board short clad body.

Spencers lips travelled along the valley of her breasts, only to hike back up them at a tantalising pace, prehensile fingers covering the ground his mouth couldn’t. Her hands grasped so tight in his hair, he was sure the strands would fall out. A groan of his own left vibrations reverberating through her body, causing her heart to jump. “Alright, you’ve had your fun,” he gnarred, as his hands gripped her wrists, holding them behind her back. With his unoccupied hand, he dipped his fingers into what was left of her apparel. “Is this all for me?” He smirked at the ease with which his fingers slipped over her. “Don’t flatter yourself, we’re in water,”

“You’re so impolite - even when I’m spoiling you,” tutted Spencer. Retroceding his hand, determined to leave her on edge, and her skin a mirror image of his, he continued to pin her fragile hands back against the base of her spine. “S-Spencer, please,” her words struggled to make any sense, “please, I need more,” she panted out, moving purposefully along the growing outline in his shorts. The pleasure was overwhelming. Spencer fiddled with the material still covering her, pulling it aside to make way for himself in between her legs. His eyes softened, silently seeking permission, even as she impatiently pulled down his waistband. When she nodded and eased his ailing with a soft, lingering kiss, he slowly pushed himself into her, never failing to be acutely attentive to her comfort as if it was their first time together. “This was what you were after?” Teased Spencer, his hips speeding up. “So badly,” she uttered out a sigh. “Then take it like you want it.” She craved his adept touch, and she made that known. “S- Spencer, oh god,” she groaned, “you feel so fucking good.” His breathing became heavier, softs grunts and hisses filling her ears with every movement. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, whining in a destitute way at the full feeling. At a slower pace, one of Spencer’s hands guided her hips along himself, while the other traced infinity on her sensitive nerves. “Sweet girl- fuck, you feel like a dream,” he moaned as she tightened around him. Her toes curled, the warm water of the pool splashing her bare skin. Spencer occupied all of her senses, the same way she did his. “I’m so close,” she whimpered, before he used his nose to nudge her face upwards, her momentarily open eyes reflecting constellations. Spencer kissed her once more. Her hands long freed from his grip, she left traces of herself in the form of tiny red sickles on his freckled back as her nails released some frustration.

Dragging her fingers along his torso, she felt the muscles of his stomach tighten, hers doing the same. Shaky sighs wavered from her lips at the bliss Spencer was providing. “Keep your eyes open for me, angel,” she tried her hardest to focus on his lustfully blown pupils. “That’s it. Just look at what you do to me,” he gasped out, head falling backwards, eye contact broken - only for a second - before he gulped and looked back at her. “You’re breathtaking,” she whispered, hoarsely, stroking his sweaty cheekbone with her thumb. She could recognise the golden gates of heaven in his eyes as he came undone inside her, warmth spilling over her in every aspect. The knots in her stomach loosened shortly after his, curses spilling from both of them. She rode him through his release, fond of the way he left light kisses on her temple, whispering compliments and confessions of love. Once he was sure she’d caught her breath, and some air had returned to his own lungs, he kissed her, gently, in the summer sauna heat, beneath the stars.

A loud cough startled the two. Stood in the open French doors of the veranda, scotch in hand, and eyes screwed shut, was David Rossi. Their minds were in the same place, wondering why they hadn't listened to Penelope’s drunken advice. “When you two are done, please remember to turn the tub lights off - and put the filter on high.” She hid herself in Spencer’s chest, heartbeat in her ears, contemplating holding her breath for a really, really long time. Spencer was flushed red, his own nose buried in her neck so as to not face the older man. “Or better yet, put some money together to buy me an entirely new spa,” Rossi, laughed, opening one eye to catch sight of Spencer giving him a shameful thumbs up. Even as Rossi wandered away, their embarrassment remained a fresh burn. Spencer groaned as her tired hand fumbled with his disastrous hair, “I don’t even want to begin thinking about how much of that he heard,”

“Or saw,”

“Don’t!”

“I’m never going to be invited here ever again, am I?”

292 notes · View notes

jimlingss · 4 years ago

Note

ooo exciting !!! jungkook + romance/fluff + "kiss me" + e2l

Anonymous said: Can I request a fluffy jungkook fic with a touch of angst. Any AU you want and maybe a friends to lovers? Feel free to decline :)

Anonymous said: a fluffy “oh! you’re jealous” prompt with Jungkook pls? any au is fine☺️

Anonymous said: jungkook, prompt list 1 - #27: “Are you blushing?” :> i hope you have a lovely holiday season!!

Anonymous said: Friends to lovers!! Or enemies to lovers pls!! I love that shit

This is the most ambitious crossover of requests since Avengers lol jk.

↳ Suspended, Seduced, Surprised!

1.9k || 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst || Jeon Jungkook || E2L, Huddle For Warmth!AU (sort of)

It started off with Jungkook coming out of nowhere and nearly scaring the living daylights out of you.

He laughed — that noisy sound that makes his nose scrunch — and you rolled your eyes, turning back around in the line. When the ski lift chair arrived, he asked if he could come too. You told him to kindly fuck off, but in the next second, he slid next to you, smiling widely.

It was too late for him to get off. Not when your feet was already lifted off the ground.

You don’t know why he’s so adamant about bothering you. If Taehyung didn’t tell you at the last minute that Jungkook was coming along, you would’ve just not come on this trip and ruin your winter break like this.

“Why didn’t you go with Sana?”

The ski lift is ascending upwards at an incline, moving past the coniferous trees and those skiing down the mountain beneath you. Luckily, it wasn’t too sunny or snowy out. But the air was still sharp with frost that’s long made your cheeks numb. Every exhale past your parted lips creates a cloud of condensation.

Jungkook’s thick brow lifts and he pushes his ski goggles up onto his head, on top of his blue beanie like yours. His doe eyes look at you. “Why would I go with her?”

You shoot him an incredulous expression. You don’t know why he’s playing dumb. “I thought you were trying to get cozy with her.”

The corner of Jungkook’s mouth slyly curls and he leans in. “Oh. You’re jealous.”

Instantly, your face contorts into a disgusted expression and a boyish laugh bubbles out of him.

“I would,” he says, “but she already has a boyfriend.”

“She does?”

Jungkook hums. “Some guy two years older than us, majoring in finance.”

Oh. You didn’t know that.

Suddenly it sinks in that you’re having an actual conversation with Jungkook. One where he’s being a cocky asshole only a tiny amount and you can actually bear through it. It almost feels like you’re….friends.

But right as the thought comes to mind, the ski lift chair halts and momentarily swings. You jolt, looking at the chair ahead of you that’s frozen as well before turning around. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Everyone is seemingly as confused as you are. “It looks like we’re stuck.”

You groan. “Oh shit.”

Five minutes later, Taehyung comes wandering underneath you. He stands by a tree on the sidelines and cups his gloved hands around his mouth. “Oh my god!” he screams at the top of his lungs. “I finally found you guys!”

“Taehyung!” You shout back at him. “What’s going on?!”

“Well, I was looking around for ages and Jimin wanted to give up since he thought you went down to the lodge and I told him no way—”

“Dude!” Jungkook shrieks and you wince at the sheer volume of his voice. “We get it!”

You remember why he grinds on your nerves so badly. Everything Jeon Jungkook does just irritates you. Including the fact that he was currently trying to burst your eardrums.

“Right! Sorry! They said it would be fixed in half an hour! Hang in there!” Taehyung fist pumps the air with a rectangular grin as if it’s enough to encourage the two of you and you sigh loudly.

“Whelp.” Jungkook settles back into his seat. “Looks like we won’t die.”

“Great.”

“Are you cold?”

You turn to the boy, surprised that he’s actually considerate enough to—

“We could always get naked, you know,” he adds, shattering the image of him that had curated in your mind for point two seconds and it flees as quickly as it came. “To converse heat.”

Your mouth opens, speechless. You shake your head. “Right when I thought you were being nice to me for once.”

Jungkook grins unabashedly. “I am being nice. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t flirt like this with anyone else and if you ask me, I think it’s working too.” The bastard leans in and you lean backwards to keep more distance. He bats his pretty lashes. “Are you blushing?”

You deadpan, “It’s literally negative thirty degrees out.”

He laughs again.

The both of you get comfortable, laying your ski poles across your laps, and looking out at the snowy mountain landscape that’s all too peaceful. Or at least until you feel a poke through your puffed jacket.

You look down to find Jungkook handing you a heat pack from his pocket. “It’s not much but it might help.”

“....Thanks.”

Strangely, the guy doesn’t brag about how kind he is or how much you should appreciate the gesture. He simply starts to hum to kill time. It’s soothing. Kind of nice to listen to even.

You enjoy it until he abruptly stops and asks— “Why do you hate me so much?”

You look at him. “Seriously?”

Jungkook smiles and it’s somehow reminiscent of a rabbit. “What? Nothing like confronting people when they’re trapped in a spot with nowhere to run, right? Plus, this is a good opportunity to be reflective, don’t you think?”

You scoff, not sure where to begin. But there’s no reason why you should spare him from the truth of why you grew to have such a strong distaste for him. If he wants to know, you’ll happily let him know.

“How about for never calling me back after you slept with me? Is that a good enough reason for you?”

Jungkook’s head whirls over. The bomb’s been dropped.

You feel his stare on your profile. It goes deathly quiet.

It’s the biggest resentment you held against him, what made his cocky attitude even uglier to you. Maybe you shouldn’t be so angry. It wasn’t like he vowed anything would happen afterwards. Maybe he thought it was supposed to be a no-strings attachment thing. But it wasn’t like that for you.

Jungkook acted interested when you first met. He sweet-talked you. He led you to believe there would be something more. And when there wasn’t— well, the rest is history.

You wonder if Jungkook’s shriveling up and cringing for asking in the first place or if he’s remotely ashamed. You hope he is. It serves him right. The audacity he has to talk to you casually after ghosting you so brutally like that is insulting. You wonder how he’ll respond, if he’ll regret bringing the subject up, if he’ll try to conjure some kind of half ass apology—

“Because you never gave me your number.”

This time, your neck snaps towards him. Jungkook’s gaze is unwavering.

“You’re the one who ditched me,” he says. “You were gone when I woke up.”

“I wrote you a note. On a napkin on the dresser.”

The man, in the blue snowboard jacket and black ski pants, frowns. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. Do you think I would lie about this?”

“Then I never saw it.”

It’s easy for Jungkook to lie. One of his many talents is his pretty lips that has easy words rolling off his tongue like butter. But by his expression, the slight pout of his mouth, the furrow of his brows, you can tell he’s being genuine. There isn’t any facade, any flirtation.

“I would’ve remembered if I saw it cause that morning Taehyung woke me up and he never wakes up before me. But he was whining because of his allergies and needed me to run to the pharmacy—”

The pair of you go silent.

It dawns on you both.

Kim Taehyung.

Knowing Taehyung and his godforsaken allergies, he must’ve taken the napkin and sneezed right into it. He probably threw it in the trash or took it with him and crumpled it into his hand. God fucking dammit.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Jungkook murmurs, his eyes rounded at the realization.

You shift uncomfortably. The possibilities of what-if storm your mind. What if Jungkook saw it, what if he texted you or called you afterwards like he promised. What if you didn’t meet again on accident through Taehyung but continued the communication yourselves. Could he be sitting here next to you as someone more in your life?

But you brush the thoughts away as it overwhelms you.

“That’s funny,” you pipe up, mustering some stiff laughter, breaking the silence. “At least we solved one mystery.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s cold.” You wrap your arms around you. “We should stop talking and conserve heat.”

Jungkook nods and the pair of you quiet down. But without conversation, time drags on slower.

You peek a look at him and instead of being deep in thought like you thought he’d be, Jeon Jungkook is looking around, blinking with his doe eyes, the black strands from his bangs nearly pricking into them. He’s completely nonchalant and you internally sigh to yourself.

You’re not sure what you were expecting.

Jungkook is Jungkook.

That note on the dresser probably wouldn’t have changed anything.

“Y/N.” He speaks up a minute later.

“What?”

“You know how we could keep warm?”

“What.”

“Kiss me.”

You could not roll your eyes harder.

An enormous grin spreads into Jungkook’s cheeks, irises twinkling from the snow’s refraction. The little shit has too much fun annoying you and he jumps at the chance to continue to egg you on, “Why? Too scared to? Think you might fall in love with me now that we cleared the air and you don’t hate me anymore?”

He bats his lashes exaggeratedly.

You scoff. “Yeah right. As if.”

“Then why not?”

Your head spins around to face him, momentarily taken aback at how he’s a few inches away but you conceal your expression just as quick. You don’t know why he’s so insistent on this terrible joke. “Why? Do you want me to kiss you?”

Jeon Jungkook’s grin taunts you.

You loll your head to the side, eyes narrowing into slits. “You think I won’t do it.”

“I’m just trying to improve the mood.” He sits back and shrugs, having too much fun watching your explosive reactions. “It doesn’t matter what I say to you. You’re a dog with all bark but no bite, Y/N. I know you too well.”

Your jaw clenches at the challenge. At his mocking tone. At the bastard’s audacity.

And just to prove him wrong, you grab Jungkook’s face in your hands and turn him towards you. In one breath, you aggressively slam your mouth against his. It almost hurts. Your teeth nearly clash. But you barely feel anything with your numb lips except for how chapped his lips are.

It’s a brief kiss, but enough to prove yourself.

You pull away with a cocked brow and small smirk, relishing in his wholly stunned expression.

At that same moment, the ski lift jolts and starts to move again. Someone behind you cheers.

“You don’t know me at all, Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur softly, seductively and with the smirk still plastered on your features. The unloading zone approaches, so you move the safety bar, stand up from the ski lift chair and glide away.

Jungkook’s delayed, but follows after you helplessly a second later. You turn around while you still have the chance and he stares at you, blinking owlishly.

“If you want to make me blush or get jealous, you’re going to have to try a lot harder than you have been, Jeon. You should probably work on your kissing skills too. Staying like a dead fish isn’t appealing to me.”

You glide away on your skis before he can get another word in. In the meanwhile, a grin slowly spreads into Jungkook’s cheeks and he decides to accept your challenge.

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook reader insert #jungkook scenario #bts fluff #bts reader insert #Anonymous #Jimlings

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palimpsessed · 4 years ago

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So @captain-aralias did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

#fan fic year in review #my fic #at the top of a tower with you #use your words #a man of letters #to the manor borne

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peanuts-fan · 4 years ago

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'A Charlie Brown Christmas' at 50: The Making of a Classic Soundtrack

Producer Lee Mendelson, drummer Jerry Granelli reflect on enduring seasonal favorite

By Liz Pelly December 9, 2015

“The fact that it's become such a permanent part of the holiday season is surreal," says original 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' producer Lee Mendelson. United Feature Syndicate Inc./ABC

The legend goes like this: In 1963, producer Lee Mendelson made a documentary about Peanuts cartoonist Charles M. Schulz, for which he needed music. One night, Mendelson was driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, tuned into a San Francisco jazz station. "Cast Your Fate to the Wind" came on the air, a drifting cut where melodies appear and then disappear, and bouncing elation is matched by tiny moments of despair. The track was pianist Vince Guaraldi's mini-hit that year, and Mendelson was struck by how it sounded simultaneously adult and childlike. The next day, he called up the San Francisco Chronicle's jazz critic, Ralph J. Gleason. "Do you have any idea in the world who Vince Guaraldi is?" Mendelson asked. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm having lunch with him tomorrow," Gleason said. Mendelson met Guaraldi a few days later, and they agreed to work together.

The documentary ultimately didn't sell. But two years later, Coca-Cola, who had seen the doc, called up Mendelson, and asked if he'd ever thought of making a Christmas special. Mendelson said, "Absolutely!" and hung up the phone, then called Mr. Schulz. As Mendelson remembers it: "I said, 'I think I just sold A Charlie Brown Christmas.' And Schulz said, 'What in the world is that?' And I said, 'It's something you're going to write tomorrow.' There was a long pause, and he said, 'Alright. Come on up.'"

The rest, of course, is history. A Charlie Brown Christmas aired 50 years ago today, on December 9th, 1965. Over the years, the special has become a perennial classic: the 25-minute story of wistful Charlie Brown and his struggle to find the true meaning of Christmas in the face of holiday-season commercialism. "I almost wish there weren't a holiday season," he sighs, at the story's beginning. "I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?" The genius of A Charlie Brown Christmas was the way it channeled the looming sadness and anxiety that come with the holidays — and the way its timeless, best-selling soundtrack by the Vince Guaraldi Trio tapped into that narrative seamlessly, with muted, melancholic jazz.

Indeed, to create such an unabashedly anti-consumerist story with the backing of both Coca-Cola and CBS was a subtly radical accomplishment in 1965, as it would be now. The executives at CBS were displeased with the finished product: its slow-moving animation, its religious undertone, its jazz soundtrack. They had no choice but to air it, though — they had already advertised it in TV Guide.

"They wanted something corporate, something rousing," says drummer Jerry Granelli, the lone surviving member of the Guaraldi combo. "They thought the animation was too slow. They really didn’t like that a little kid was going to come out and say what Christmas was all about, which wasn’t about shopping. And then the jazz music, which was improvised — you know, the melodies only take up maybe 30 seconds." Yet A Charlie Brown Christmas was an immediate, massive success.

The first of many specials that Schulz and Guaraldi would collaborate on with Mendelson and animator Bill Melendez, A Charlie Brown Christmas came together in just six months. "We brought Vince Guaraldi in to reprise the music he had done for the documentary, plus some Beethoven and some traditional music," Mendelson says.

Employing his background in easygoing, West Coast jazz, and working with a local children's choir that sounded perfectly off-key at times, Guaraldi crafted future classics through original compositions and re-arrangements of holiday standards. Like the characters themselves, the songs merge bits of Schroeder's bookish sophistication, Charlie Brown's heavy heart, and Snoopy's unpredictable mischief. The songs are both smooth and snappy, with Granelli's brush and stick sounds pushing them steadily along.

"Guaraldi never wasted a note," says author Derrick Bang of the pianist. Michael Ochs Archives/Getty

"We went in and did it in three hours," recalls Granelli, who was only 24 at the time. "That's just the way jazz records were recorded. I think we even went to work in a club that night." Some of the songs were already part of the group's repertoire. "We were improvising all the time, so each night, the song kind of evolved."

The trio's version of the 1824 German carol "O Tannenbaum" exemplifies this process. Guaraldi, Granelli and bassist Fred Marshall took the song's harmonic foundation and ran, moving the composition into more explosive, bluesy territory. In the special, the song plays as Charlie Brown and Linus look around for a Christmas tree. "This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit," says Linus, when Charlie Brown picks out the smallest, most dilapidated one he can find. The funny sound of flat piano keys chirp as the tree's twigs fall to the ground.

"Linus and Lucy" was one of the holdovers from the Schulz-documentary days; in A Charlie Brown Christmas, it is the centerpiece of the soundtrack, capturing a moment when inner anxieties subside and the season feels fleetingly fine. "My playing is really very simple on that record, but it's exactly what captures the story," says Granelli. "It moves the music forward doing very little. Just the way the brush starts on 'Linus and Lucy,' so it doesn't conflict with the bass line, and then it goes to the Latin part, and then it goes back to the left hand, the conga drum part."

"Christmas Time Is Here" was originally an all-instrumental piece. "Guaraldi had written a very beautiful melody for the opening skating scene, but about two weeks before it was about to run on the air, I thought, 'Maybe we could get a lyricist to put some words to this,'" remembers Mendelson. "I called a few lyricist friends of mine, and everyone was busy. So I sat down at my kitchen table and I wrote out a few words, and we rushed it to the choir that Vince Guaraldi had been working with in San Francisco. And he recorded it, and we got it into the show about a week before it went on the air."

"They really didn’t like that a little kid was going to come out and say what Christmas was all about, which wasn’t about shopping." —Jerry Granelli

"It's deceptively simple, but at the same time, impressively complex, kind of the way Charles Schulz approached his newspaper strip," says Derrick Bang, author of Vince Guaraldi at the Piano and multiple books on Peanuts, of Guaraldi's soundtrack. "He never wasted a line; Guaraldi never wasted a note. Every note was important."

"We’re living in times where so much is done to manipulate us," reflects Granelli. "And things last for, what, a news cycle? A few minutes? This [album] is something that’s lasted 50 years. And not only lasted, but grown ... I think there’s just a humanness."

"The whole thing from beginning to end has been surreal," Mendelson says. "The fact that it's become such a permanent part of the holiday season is surreal. And every time I hear it on the radio, or I hear it in a store, or someone says, 'wah, wah, wah,' I realize we're very lucky to have been associated with Mr. Schulz and his characters. It all comes back to his characters, and his philosophy, and his humor."

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/a-charlie-brown-christmas-at-50-the-making-of-a-classic-soundtrack-20151209?page=3

*Note: The picture at the top of the article is NOT from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, it is from another cartoon, probably “It’s christmastime again, charlie brown”.

#charlie brown christmas #Peanuts #Peanuts gang #Vince Guaraldi #lee mendelson #Charles M Schulz

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nerdforestgirl · 4 years ago

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Note: This might be the last year that I do this, but for now I have a tradition to continue.

Amy's birthday was coming up, and it was always among her favorite days of the year. Sheldon always made a fuss. Her friends too. It felt good to be celebrated for just existing. Sure, Amy was a Nobel winning scientist, but to her husband and friends, she was so much more than that. To them, she was Amy Farrah Fowler. That was the long and short of it. She was her, and that was all she needed to be to them.

Amy had never been one of those birthday week or month people. The single day or maybe an extra weekend day if that fit everyone's schedule better was all she needed, but it felt good to be unabashedly loved by her friends. Especially when she grew up with so many birthdays where all she did was spend the day with her parents. If she even got that. Her 15th birthday had involved spending the whole day completely forgotten about and stuck in the rain.

“I was thinking that this year for my birthday, I'd love it if we all dressed up and went out to dinner. My and Sheldon's treat of course. I love an excuse to dress up, and Sheldon looks hot in a suit,” Amy told Bernadette while they sat in Bernadette's kitchen one afternoon.

“Aren't you a little old for all of this?” Bernadette snapped. It was a hassle to fit both Amy's birthday in on the same day as Halley's. Halley was a little kid, so obviously her birthday could be a big deal. Amy was in her 40s. She was an adult, and Bernadette didn't really have time to hear about Amy's plan to have everyone out for a nice dinner.

“Uh. Yeah. I guess I am,” Amy said. She didn't think she was, but she was taken aback by both Bernadette's tone and words. “I just forgot that Sheldon wanted a ride to the train store. I'll see you later,” Amy added before a couple tears could start making their way down her face. Then she got up and left Bernadette's house.

Amy cried for the whole drive home. If she was going to cry, she usually tried to do it in her car. No one liked it when she cried, so she tried to spare anyone she could. When it wouldn't stop, Amy stopped at a coffee shop and picked up a hot beverage in the drive thru. The sugar from the hot chocolate and the warmth would help calm her down.

At first, Amy didn't know why she was crying. Her birthday wasn't all that important to her. Neither was the idea of a dinner with her friends. They did that stuff all the time. Sure, she wanted to go out to a restaurant instead of just eating at Leonard and Penny's, but it wasn't all that different. Then it hit Amy. She wanted to matter. She wanted to matter to her six best friends enough that they would take the time to have dinner with her. She wanted to be worth three hours of their time. And suddenly she didn't think she was was worth even that to them.

“I've won a Nobel. I have my own Wikipedia page. I matter,” Amy muttered to herself as she sipped her hot chocolate. It didn't make her feel any better. Sure, asymmetry was groundbreaking. People were already expanding on her work in so many ways. But if the people closest to her didn't have time for her, what did all that matter?

Amy kept crying alone in her car until she got a text from Sheldon.

“My phone says you are here, but you are not home or at Leonard and Penny's. Did I forget about the finals of our hide and seek competition? I thought they were next week.”

“I'm in my car. I'll be up in a minute,” Amy wrote back.

After a few minutes, Amy knew she really needed to get upstairs before Sheldon got too worried about her. Still she didn't. She stayed in her car and finished her hot chocolate.

Amy jumped when there were suddenly three knocks on her car window followed by her name. Amy rolled down the window and looked at her husband.

“Why are you still in your car? And why are you crying?” Sheldon asked Amy. Then he opened the door and climbed in next to her.

“Could you do me a favor and tell me that you love me?” Amy asked Sheldon.

“I love you,” Sheldon said without any hesitation. He didn't even ask why Amy would ask for such a thing. She knew he loved her, and it wasn't like he neglected to tell her that on a regular basis. He usually told her at least once a day, but often more than that.

“And I'm not a burden?” Amy tried.

“You are not a burden,” Sheldon repeated. He was the annoying burden out the of the two of them. They both knew that too. Of course she was annoying sometimes, but so was everyone. “Why do I need to say it?”

“Bernadette said that she didn't have time to celebrate my birthday this year. She said that I was too old to still care about my birthday,” Amy explained.

Sheldon knew that Amy hadn't had fun birthdays growing up. He didn't mind celebrating with her. She was his favorite person, so even if she wasn't making up for lost time, he loved celebrating her existence. He was beyond thrilled that she existed. Just like when he loved celebrating the day she became his wife.

“Fine. Bernadette can't come. Wolowitz either. Just because he's annoying. We'll still have your birthday dinner. Now, come inside. It's getting dark out here,” Sheldon told Amy. There would soon be shifty people and loose dogs about.

“But I'm crying,” Amy explained.

“You may cry inside. It's silly to just sit out here in the car just to cry,” Sheldon told her.

“You don't like it when I cry,” Amy told him.

“Of course I don't like it when you cry. I don't like it when you are hurt either. Well, except when you slipped on the last step last week and fell on your butt. That was hilarious,” Sheldon reminded her. He chuckled at the memory because it really was one of the funniest things he had seen all week and no permanent damage was done. “It doesn't mean you are not allowed to cry.”

“When did you get so smart?” Amy asked as she opened the door to go upstairs with Sheldon. She felt better already. Sheldon wasn't usually great at emotions, but he completely validated her emotions. It wasn't something he was usually great at.

“I've always been smart,” Sheldon said.

The pair went up to their apartment. Amy decided to climb into a nice hot bath and relax for a while. Sheldon was going to just order them a pizza because Amy didn't feel like cooking even though she normally did.

Then when Sheldon was alone, he found Amy's photo album. From there he took pictures of several of the photos in them before sending them to Bernadette.

“Did you know that Amy didn't have a birthday that included a single friend until after she met us?” Sheldon asked Bernadette in a message along with the photos of Amy all alone on her childhood birthdays.

“Was she upset that I said she shouldn't make such a big deal out of her birthdays? I knew I was being a jerk. I should apologize,” Bernadette wrote back immediately. She had had a feeling that Amy was upset when she left. Bernadette didn't think she was wrong exactly, but she could see that she had hurt Amy's feelings. Sometimes Bernie forgot how sensitive Amy could be under the surface.

“She was crying when she got home. She was worried that no one loved her and that she's a burden,” Sheldon wrote back. He wouldn't have known that if she hadn't outright said it, but he did know. He thought he would pass it along since he always could use the help on knowing how people felt.

“I will call and apologize right now,” Bernadette promised.

“She is in the bath and I do not allow electronics so close to the bathtub. I will text you when she is available again,” Sheldon explained.

Amy got out of the bath when the pizza came, and she started to serve herself a couple slices when her phone rang. It was Bernadette. She wasn't sure she wanted to answer it, but Sheldon looked at her expectedly. Amy grabbed the call.

“Hello?” Amy said.

“Hi. You left abruptly. Did you get to the train store?” Bernadette asked, playing dumb.

“Yeah. Sheldon got the new train car he needed,” Amy lied. She mouthed “sorry” to Sheldon because she knew it bothered him to be involved in a lie even if it didn't remotely matter.

“Good. Um. I wanted to say that I'm sorry about earlier. I have been stressed out at work and about Halley's birthday party, but I want you to know that I am happy you are my friend. I really want to go to dinner with you for your birthday. Getting dressed up sounds really nice,” Bernadette told Amy.

“Oh. It's not a big deal,” Amy lied again.

“It is to me. I like having you in my life, Amy. I love you and I want to celebrate you. I'm sorry that I made it sound like it didn't matter when you were over earlier. Howard and I will both be there,” Bernadette explained.

“Thank you, Bernadette,” Amy said earnestly. She was nearly crying again, but this time because she felt loved by her friend.

“What was that about?” Sheldon asked as if he had no idea what had just transpired.

“Bernadette apologized to me for saying I was too old to care about my birthday,” Amy told him. Then she finally took a big bite of the pizza in front of her.

“Good. Though, we can still leave Wolowitz off the guest list if you would like,” Sheldon joked.

“No. I want everyone to be there. They all love me and I them,” Amy told him.

#NFG fan fiction #this was maybe inspired by the fact that i was told that birthdays don't matter #but my friends all told me i overreacted when i got upset #but amy's friends do love her and think she matters

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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hi my love i’m hope not too late but i would like you to tell me about my loves jewish cake, anything you want to but specifically baker calum 🥰 thank you i love you

of course you aren’t too late!!! ESPECIALLY to talk about jewish cake oh my goodness meg i shall die for you i love you. alright let’s see what i can dig up

ha��ahava hazot shelanu + it’s so simple

a cut, per usual

so let’s start WITH:

ha’ahava hazot shelanu

jewish cake was a labor of love for myself. little known fact about me is that i am in fact jewish! :) and around christmas time i always get a little prickly about the surplus of christmas spirit and in this case the amount of fic for it. and i’d sort of had this hesitant idea to write a jewish fic in the back of my mind for a long time, but it felt like a really big divergence from the Cast of Characters that was for some reason a lot more dramatic than any other circumstances into which i could place them, so i’d basically been hesitating for several months. in november we had a brief conversation about it in the club which looked like this

but the idea still made me a little nervous and so i kind of talked myself out of writing it, as always. and THEN, middle of december, iba sent me this 1d fic out of nowhere with this accompanying message:

and i kinda lowkey almost cried!! it was such a jewish fic. i read the word kvetch and i almost lost it. the fic was just so unabashedly jewish. and i was like...well. that’s what ive been wanting to do. so now i have no reason not to do it.

in the ao3 notes i talked a little bit about my internal debate over How Jewish To Go with the fic because on the one hand i really do understand that it can feel alienating going into a fic with zero understanding of the culture but on the other hand since it was MY fic i wanted to make it jewish the way i’m jewish. which is like...............very. i don’t think i ended up striking a balance so much as just deciding to say fuck it and write it the way i would want to read it, but i definitely think that was the right decision for me.

there was actually one more motivator for writing this fic, especially the WAY i wrote it, in eight chapters, and that motivator was that i wanted to break 400k on ao3 before the year ended. i just wanted to have an even number and 400k was a good goal. which i did achieve thanks to jewish cake fic being the 13.6k beast that she is! so that was also part of it

NOW! as for the PROCESS. i created the doc on december 22 and i originally kind of thought it was a little bitchy to write a hanukkah fic after hanukkah had already ended but was reminded that most christmas fic is neither written nor posted on actual christmas which reassured me well enough. i had already had the idea to divide it into eight chapters for the eight nights of hanukkah and i thought that would be a nice way to showcase different aspects of the holiday (seeing family, playing dreidel, opening presents etc) and also in certain cases (like the third chapter where they do some baking) some days that weren’t necessarily hanukkah-driven but just a nice natural consequence of being on break for hanukkah. i wanted it to feel like hanukkah feels to me!! normally i don’t like people seeing the way my outlines look but this one i don’t mind sharing so here’s what i had at the top of the doc for reference while i was writing. not everything in that first list got included but most of it did !!!

i’m not really sure how this fic ended up being cake. i never used to default to cake but for some reason as i was diving into this one it just felt right. that’s all i can say about that. meg you have genuinely shifted my approach to fic i DO default to cake sometimes now and that’s on YOU.

the very first thing i ever wrote down for this fic was this part that ended up going in the summary:

“Happy Hanukkah,” Calum says, smiling at Luke as their fingers intertwine.

Luke murmurs, “Chag sameach, ahovi,” and Calum’s face is aglow in the candlelight.

that was The Moment for me. i didn’t even write the rest of that scene until later but i had those two lines written down straight out the gate and i knew they were gonna close out the first scene because it just Felt Right. and i was right! very cool and fun for me

now the nice convenient thing about having this fic separated into eight discrete scenes/nights/chapters was that i didn’t have to write it in order, and i didn’t. i DID write the first night/chapter first, but then over the course of maybe a week, i wrote (deep breath get ready): the first half of chapter 2 (hemmings family) > the beginning of chapter 5 (the dreidel game) > most of the scene in chapter 7 > the beginning of chapter 3 (where they bake) > finished writing chapters 2 & 3 > started chapter 4 and finished chapter 5 > finished chapter 4 and wrote the rest of chapter 7 > all of chapter 6 > all of chapter 8 aka the proposal. i deliberately saved the proposal for last because i don’t think i could have written it exactly right without knowing the events that came before it but everything else was all over the place as you can see.

a problem i ran into a lot, and i talked to my sounding board and fellow jew sam about this among many other things, was that i had a lot of trouble characterizing very obviously Not Jewish people in a way that made them Very Jewish. not even like, Jewish But You Can Ignore It. i wanted them to be front-and-center jewish like i am and that was hard for me to navigate because obviously my speech patterns and vocabulary as an american jew are extremely different from 5sos’s as australian goyim (non-jews) like i do use hebrew words in my day-to-day communication all the time and i somehow had to keep their mannerisms but also insert mine BUT not insert so many of mine that the fic became incomprehensible and it was just. a Challenge. here’s some insight into THAT crisis

and then again writing the other characters in other chapters

i sent sam the doc when i was mostly done writing it, mainly just to be reminded that at least one person was going to appreciate this fic, which worked out nicely because she very very much did. genuinely i cannot stress enough how insecure i was to write and share this fic. like i’m gonna be really straight up with you meg, i think part of the reason i had calum and luke baking sufganiyot was because to me that felt like a sort of bribe? i basically wrote what felt to me like the least appealing fic ever and then my mission from there was to add stuff in that would convince people to give it a shot anyway. i was trying to make it worth everyone’s while. the baking was my trade-off, i was like “well yeah it’s a jewish fic but maybe she’ll be happy enough that it’s cake and they’re baking that she’ll forgive it for being a jewish fic” yes i realize how kind of hilariously tragic this sounds but !!! you never get jewish fics!!! and you especially don’t get them in fanfiction for obviously non-jewish bands!!! anyway. we’re not gonna get into this whole thing but like. even though objectively i knew that i had been told again and again people would appreciate the fic i still had doubts and knowing something and feeling secure in it are very different things.

also, i didn’t remember this, but apparently i had a lot of problems with writing the proposal! here’s a sneak peek into that mental breakdown

don’t actually think the fic specifies (making life easier for myself) but they have already had dinner in that scene. so now you know.

i could choose to not get this elbows-deep in the details of Crises I Had While Writing This Fic but instead i am choosing to go all out. here’s another thing i had trouble with:

(i did end up using transliteration obviously but i DO think actual hebrew would have been a cool flex)

and as for the title, ha’ahava hazot shelanu is the name of an ivri lider song that i love, and it translates to “this love of ours” and i realize titling the fic in hebrew was a Choice but i did talk to sam about this as well and that went roughly like this

by the way here is the song, i absolutely love it and i cannot recommend it enough. also i’m not sure how glaringly obvious this is but the chapter titles on ao3 are just hebrew numbers. like the first chapter is echad which literally means one. and so on. are they the correct genders? i don’t know ! fuck gendered language.

one more thing and then ill move on but an unfortunate natural consequence of writing a hanukkah fic (at least the way i wrote this one) is that it necessitates presents. so i had to come up with presents for these dumb boys to give each other. and to be completely honest with you i don’t remember how i did!!! the ones calum got for luke were trickier because they were actual things. for some reason this luke was always a version of luke that just kinda like, wore makeup, so that was just a question of figuring out an eyeshadow palette that would be Nice but not obscenely schmancy (i did ask the club for help since i know nothing about makeup but as usual i ignored their replies). but that by itself didn’t feel like enough of a gift, and so i tried to think of something that would be more than just the gift of an object. like, something that would maybe enable luke to spend more time on something he loves. piano music made sense to me because it wasn’t just a thing by itself it was a thing that encouraged luke to play piano and even to improve at it and to learn songs that he could be excited about. so! that was that

the trip to israel gift was a little bit of a retcon situation i really liked the idea that luke had been planning to give that “gift” to calum for a hot sec that he’d have had it ready, but i’d already written the scene where he and mali talk about israel, so i went back to it and edited it a little to hint at the idea (luke plays it off very casually because he is a clever boy) but i thought there was something very romantic in the idea of the israel trip, of luke planning a future with calum and a trip to a place that means so much to him (to me yes maybe luke and i are the same blah blah) and getting to drag calum around to falafel places and teach him words in hebrew and it just seemed like the appropriate trip for these two cute jewish boys to plan so i rolled with it.

okay moving on slightly!! to baker calum <3 baker calum was more of a cameo in the hanukkah fic, in the chapter i wrote with you in mind, but i can talk about it’s so simple here as well because i fucking adore that fic.

it’s so simple

so the inspiration behind the fic came from the “kitchens are for lovers” rhetoric and the realization that that would be the perfect...sort of thesis to build on for a fic for you in specific, because you are, in my mind, a very kitchen-based person, given your baking habit. it actually just worked out pretty nicely for me honestly because i’ve been wanting to write a big Kitchen Romance type fic for a while and you just gave me the perfect opportunity. here’s what i had at the top of the doc for the fic for you

and then once i sort of landed on the idea for the fic, it just made a lot of sense to make it jewish cake because, well, im gonna be real w you, because i identify very strongly with jewish cake and the kitchen-romance aspect felt like a very bella thing in the same way that jewish cake felt like a bella thing. and so i wanted to be able to romanticize these kitchens to share the way that i, bella, feel about them, and that was easy to do when the characters were so similar to me. not to mention this cake already existed in my head as a very settled, domestic duo, and they had their own home and had already had a kitchen-romance scene in the hanukkah fic and the whole thing just fell together perfectly. i had this sentence in my head and it was: “Shabbat in Luke and Calum’s kitchen looks something like this.” the kind of thing you would read in a fic summary right? and especially having it take place on shabbat felt like an extra layer of domestic easy romance to me so that was kind of my guide

here was my "outline” for this:

Romance :)))

obviously calum was going to be the one doing most of the cooking/baking because he had been established as the Kitchen Boy between the two of them and maybe i realized in the course of writing it that while i was luke, you were very much calum. so the goal was then basically to romanticize (1) the kitchen and (2) luke as much as humanly possible for you (see: message sent to helen and ainslee)

unfortunately i was unable to do baker calum justice as much as i would have liked because i could not have him baking anything complex because i can’t bake anything complex and if i had tried to describe him baking something complex and then described it wrong i would have died of shame so that is why he is only baking brownies BUT they have chocolate chips which hopefully makes up for it. also i just stumbled across this which i think pretty well represents the crisis i had regarding baker calum

:)))

re: the soundtrack (so to speak), i wanted to include some songs that i associate with you meg but you see the situation is that some of those songs are 5sos/mali/atl songs and so i couldn’t include those, for obvious reasons, which did narrow down my choices somewhat. fortunately i think the mcfly worked pretty nicely i mean yeah it’s a little obvious that i was forcing mcfly into the story but they deserved to be there. i think i’ve mentioned this but i genuinely have a memory of listening to star girl on a loop in my kitchen at home and in my head the hood-hemmings kitchen looks like my kitchen because i have zero imagination so it felt to me like these songs just belonged in kitchens. and that they’d be inherently romantic. woah i think my brain is short-circuiting i’m not sure i’m making sense anymore. point being i hoped that you would appreciate it nonetheless.

a note about the short introduction, because it’s very unlike anything i’ve put in any other fic to my knowledge. i kind of wanted it to feel like the prologue to a fairytale, almost. i wanted it to feel like the beginning of a movie, when the camera is slowly, slowly zooming in from a Big Picture down to one house on one street and then through the window into the kitchen while the voiceover is very serenely describing the scene. i wanted it to feel like we were in the kitchen before even calum was and that we were standing against the fourth wall watching the fic unfold. and also, i wanted to make the fic romantic as fuck, from the get-go. there was to be no confusion: this fic was going to romanticize the living daylights out of the hood-hemmings kitchen.

(also you may have noticed that despite having “london” in the list of Meg Things at the top of the doc, the fic never actually specifies that they’re in london. that’s because this fic was really an exercise in “how much can i hint that they’re in london without outright saying it so i don’t establish a canon that i may later regret” which went as far as me asking helen what her kitchen floors and counters are made of. like. if you want it to be in london then hell yeah it’s in london but i didn’t wanna lock myself into that decision just in case so i never actually said it but i hope it kinda felt london-y anyway lmao)

so...............i THINK that’s all i have to say. “all” as if i havent just written an entire dissertation but at least it’s done now. i sure did say a lot! that was a lot!!! but also a very very fun and interesting dive into the ~process~ of writing these jewish cake fics. also, for what it’s worth, the way hanukkah fic was received basically calmed all my fears about writing jewish fic, which was a relief for me. so thank you for loving it, i don’t think you know how much that means to me!!!! i love YOU so very much

#kaleidoscopeminds #ask #answered #christ go off i guess????????#i honestly have Nothing to say in the tags because i said so fucking much in this answer #fgldkhgsdflj #here are some other questions i asked helen the resident london expert:#'you guys don't have saturday morning cartoons do you'#'what do you call french toast' to which i was informed that you (brits) don't HAVE french toast #and then i decided to ignore that information and include it anyway because jewish tradition trumps british absence of food #and french toast is jewish CULTURE #'do you guys say suck-up or is there a different thing you say'#i did NOT like the answer to that one #also 'do you guys have dishwashers'#'do you guys do april fools'#helen litearlly went and took a photograph of her counters so that i could see what they looked like. THATS love baby #the fact that i said i had nothign to say and then i continued to say things anyway #thats pretty on brand for me #meg #director's cut #okay im posting this now. FOR REAL #dunno what happened before that was very unsexy but this time for real

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catte-bard · 4 years ago

Text

Those Halcyon Days Ch. 1

MAJOR SHB SPOILERS AND 5.3 SPOILERS

First chapter of my big Amaurot writing project done! Essentially, just a super indulgent fic about my Azem. Leading up to her defection from the Convocation and the eventual sundering of the world. I will try my best to keep it updated periodically.

@ffxiv-writers

AO3 Link

“You are in trouble, dear Azem.”

Persephone looked up from her work at her guest. Then glanced at the wall chronometer. “Good afternoon, Halmarut.”

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?” The man placed his hands on his hips. “You missed this morning’s assembly.”

Though she caught sight of the little smile on his lips. He feigned disapproval but he did not come here to scold. Her old mentor tried to be the formal and serious member of the Convocation that he was expected to be. But the man could never hide the soft spot he had for her.

“I’m sure the Convocation will not fall apart because of this absence.” Persephone answered back, turning her attention back to her work. She plucked a quill from its inkwell to quickly scribe something down in an opened notebook. “Asides, I’ve just returned from my travels and am weary from them. If I am to subject my mind to another one of Lahabrea’s long-winded speeches I would rather do so with a well-rested one.”

“Must you antagonize the man so much?” Halamurt shook his head. “You know he called for you to be censured for missing this meeting.”

And Persephone rolled her eyes. “Yet you wonder why I must antagonize him.”

Her and the Speaker never got along. That wasn’t to say they hated each other, nay for there have been some times where they could be kind and respectful to each other. But they simply clashed with each other more than the other Convocation members. Halmarut once told her that was because the two of them were so alike. However, offended by the claim, she dismissed it.

The man sighed as he walked up to her desk. Curious of what she was working on and being unabashedly nosy about it. “The Convocation awaited what you had to report from your travels. Six moons—that’s the longest you have ever been away from Amaurot. We were all worried and curious to know what kept you away for so long. Usually your expeditions are half that time.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, a frown hidden behind her mask. “I’ve been busy.”

Her response was vague and she should have known better to use such with Halmarut. It only made the man pry even more.

Halmarut canted his head. “Busy? Have you come across anything unusual?”

The tone in his voice implied that her response might mean something depending on how she answered. She looked up at him. “A few rogue concepts...” She carefully said. “Odd things but nothing to worry about I’m sure. Perhaps, something created by a few rambunctious younglings who were too ashamed to tell anyone about. They didn’t give me too much trouble if that’s what you’re worried about.”

That was a fib.

Much had occurred during her travels that made her think. Yes indeed she came across many rogue concepts—though more than usual. She had not wanted to share the concern with Halmarut, not wanting to frighten him, but part of her even wondered if it were people actually creating such things.

With such concepts, usually the perpetrator was some youngster and their friends getting carried away with creation magic. Or someone who had fallen too deep in their cups.

But something had been different about these. They had been too twisted and grotesque looking to have been born from the mind of someone. Unless that person were simply twisted themselves? Nonetheless the beings she faced were less like concepts and more like beings born straight from someones nightmares.

It left her feeling anxious and restless.

But until she knew for sure what was going on, she did not want to worry the Convocation or the public. Later on she would discuss it in private with the Emissary. See what his opinion on the matter was and if it should be brought forth at the next assembly.

Halmarut was quiet as he puzzled over her words. Seeming to internally debate something. His fingers drummed against the stop of her desk—a nervous tick of his he did when something was nagging at his mind. Something on his tongue he wanted to say but held back.

Persephone was a bit curious herself now. Wondering if something had occurred in her absence. “Master Halmarut?” She called, pulling him from his thoughts.

So lost in thought was he that he startled at the sound of his voice.

“Is everything well?” She asked.

“Ah.” The man cleared his throat. “Just a...small concern. But nothing you need fret about right now; it still merits investigation. That aside, you should have brought your matter forth to the Convocation or at least the Bureau—you know what little tolerance there is on rogue concepts.”

His own vagueness surprised her. But she supposed that was fair since she was omitting details as well.

Persephone shrugged. “I did not think it important to report straight away if I had it handled.” It simply had never been her way, she always sought to deal with certain matters on her own. Much to the Convocation’s exasperation no doubt. “The concepts were destroyed as per protocol and no one was injured. I saw no reason to report it right away.

“Though rest assured, the Convocation will be getting the full report of my travails tomorrow.” And she gestured to the paperwork before her. “I am working on that now if that’s what you truly came to pester me about. If you do not wish to scold me again then perhaps you should leave me to it?”

At that Halmarut grunted. “Well initially I had come to ask a favor of you. But if you are so set on shooing me out the door.”

“Go on.” Persephone encouraged with a wave of her hand.

“I was hoping you’d be free tonight to help me with some of my classes at Akadaemia.” He told her. “It’s getting to that part of the year and the students are beginning to have a glazed look in their eyes. A surprise visit from the esteemed Azem might reinvigorate them a bit. I’ll even throw in dinner as payment for asking you to work late after just returning home.”

A glance at the wall chronometer.

And Persephone supposed she would be done with her work well before Halmarut’s evening classes. So long as none of their other brethren decided to come pester her about other tasks. Though she supposed if she spoke of a prior engagement it might keep their requests at bay.

And asides, she had oft helped Halmarut teach his classes before. She always enjoyed herself. And there was a nice thrilling bit of nostalgia about returning to the lecture halls of Akadaemia.

“I suppose I’ll be able to make it.” She told him.

And Halmarut beamed at her. “Excellent!” He exclaimed. However, he quickly sobered and cleared his throat. “I will be waiting for you. And dear Azem, do try to make the next assembly we call. Myself and Elidibus may have patience with you but the others may not.”

She smiled. “I will try.” Was all that was promised.

With that he bowed his head in farewell and walked towards the door. However, he paused midway. “Ah! Actually there was one last thing, my dear girl.” He called over his shoulder.

Persephone looked up expectantly.

“I do believe Emet-Selch was on the hunt for you earlier.” He told her. “Do be careful when you come across him. He seemed rather upset to learn you had skipped this morning’s meeting.”

It had been another three bells after Halmarut’s visit. And fortunately, Persephone had not had to entertain any more guests. Which left her to finish her long and grueling report about her six month forey. Along with a very sincere sounding apology for her absence at the previous assembly.

Her fingers ached from writing so much, and halfway through she made a mental note to herself to look into a concept for a quill that wrote by itself. It would certainly make things less tedious. And would lessen the occurrences of wrist cramps.

She even had to remove her mask. For it was starting to feel heavy and stuffy while she worked. It was odd to say but she felt she could work with a clearer head without it on. Being within the private safety of her office, she supposed it was fine as well.

She stared down at her report in silence. Truth be told, there was much more to her prolonged absence than she had told Halmarut. Much more worrying concerns.

But she could tell the man had his own pressing matters to worry about if his early comments were anything to go by. It seemed Amaurot had gained some of its own troubles while she was away. She only hoped it wasn’t anything as bad as what she discovered out there.

She read over one of the journal entries she had included in the report.

A shocking amount of plant decay was observed north of the city where the rogue concepts dwelled. An entire forest dead and dying as if disease had swept through it. It’s unlike anything I have seen before. It is natural for plants to wither and rot in nature. But this is to a starling degree.

It seems less like natural rot and more like a corruption. The native fauna that had once dwelt there had long since fled. And I do not blame them.

Annona theorized that perhaps the presence of the rogue concepts caused the rot. Their unnatural energies warping their surroundings. I will look into it further after we’ve made sure all the concepts have been destroyed.

The locals worry about the rot. They are a farming settlement and worry that this rot might spread to their crops. Even made a fuss about cleansing ourselves before setting foot inside the city again whenever we returned from studying out there.

Whatever it is, it has the people scared. I understand their fear. They work closely with plants, and this isn’t a familiar disease. This is something different.

Days had been spent in the forest studying the rot. Weeks and months had been spent trying to revive it. And yet despite their efforts, nothing refused to regrow there. It seemed that whatever disease or corruption tainted the area had seeped down into the soil.

She had begun to hate the place. And never liked venturing there alone to collect samples. A wrongness simply had fallen over it. She didn’t dare say cursed but...

It seemed nothing would grow there again. A troublesome prospect. Which is what brought her back to Amaurot. Unfamiliar with such a situation she thought perhaps Halmarut or the rest of the Convocation might have thoughts to weigh on the matter.

Many of them were much older and wiser than she was. Perhaps, this was something they knew of? She had brought back a few samples for study just in case.

Deciding that what she had was satisfactory, she stood to gather up her report, however the moment she did so she felt a wave of dizziness overcome her.

“Steady…” The woman mumbled to herself as she braced her hands against her desk. And the realization that she’d been working hours without break suddenly hit her.

“I’m turning into Elidibus.” Persephone scolded herself. Incredibly ironic since she was the one to often scold him about self-care whenever she discovered her colleague working late into the night.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have much by way of food in her office. Usually, just a few bags of tea. Though there were also those honey cakes she brought back with her from her trip. A rather sweet old man had offered them to her and her companions as a reward for ridding their home of beasts.

And they were the sweetest and most delectable things she had ever tasted. She could nibble on a few until she had to head over to Akadaemia Anyder. Halmarut had promised her a dinner after all. So it should be enough to keep her hunger at bay until then.

She went looking through her things, managing only to produce one teabag and left pondering over which bag she had packed the cakes in. So engrossed was she in her task that she had not heard someone enter her office until she heard them speak.

“There you are.” Came a very dry greeting.

She startled. Not expecting a visitor and also very aware that they’d caught her without her mask on. Not a terribly heinous thing but still very improper and very embarrassing for someone of her standing to be in such a situation.

However, through her panic she recognized that voice. Her bashfulness fading as she turned to meet the stern figure of Emet-Selch. He stood there, arms crossed over his chest. And though his mask hid his disapproving expression, Persephone could tell his sour mood from the way his lips were pressed together in a firm line.

“Emet-Selch.” She smiled politely. “What a pleasant surprise.”

His fingers drummed against his arm. “The first day you’re back already you’re causing trouble for yourself.”

“Come to scold me too about missing this morning’s assembly?” She asked and strolled over to him. “What a terrible way to welcome me home.”

Ah he was doing this then.

“You know our assemblies are mandatory for each member.” He continued. “You cannot simply skip them whenever you feel like it.”

“I had important work that needed tending to.” Persephone countered, placing her hands on her hips as she came to stand before him.

And the man sighed. “Were that the case you should’ve sent word. The Convocation would have proceeded with another topic of discussion or rescheduled. By not doing that you’ve wasted—”

But he let the words die on his tongue. He knew it mattered little to her. For she was Azem, head-strong and stubborn Azem. Reining her in would be like trying to control the wind.

The Architect took in her bold, challenging expression and he sighed. “Troublesome. You are so very troublesome all the time.” He shook his head. However, his exasperation soon melted into a gentle smile. “But I suppose you are my troublesome problem, aren’t you?”

A cheeky response was on her tongue, however she had not the chance to speak before the man leaned forward and kissed her. A deep passionate kiss, filled with longing and desire. Speaking all the words he could not.

Now this was the welcome she was hoping for.

Persephone smiled against his lips, worries forgotten and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Pulling him closer to her. Taking delight in the familiarity of his body, his scent, his warmth.

His hands knew not what to do with themselves. At first holding her face, then her shoulders, and the wandering down to her waist. Simply enjoying being able to touch and hold her again.

Eventually, she had to gently push him away, reminding herself that they were still inside the Capitol. And it would not do to have any of their colleagues coming across them being intimate in her office. While there was no actual rule stated that Convocation members could not be romantically involved, best not to test anything.

Better to show restraint now before they were caught. One of the older members would probably scold them. And how embarrassing would it be to have their relationship dragged out before the Convocation and shamed.

Persephone laughed lightly, placing a hand against her beloved’s chest to keep him at bay. For he leaned back in for another kiss. “You’re going to get us in trouble.” She warned. Who knew what other unexpected guests she would get today.

“I cannot help it.” He excused. “I missed you. And I have not gotten to see you all day. You were not at this morning’s assembly.” And he then seemed content to simply hold her with his arms wrapped around her waist.

“And here I thought you would be angry with me.” She smiled, recalling Halmarut’s warning about Emet-Selch’s mood.

“I was certainly not happy to see you skipping an important assembly.” He admitted, wrinkling his nose. “For I thought you had found some sort of trouble again.”

“Do you think I’m that troublesome, Hades?” She feigned offense.

Hades.

It felt good to call him that when they were alone. With the Convocation and the public it was always titles—always so formal. To call him by his name felt like a special intimacy reserved just for her. And she missed doing so.

“Indeed I do.” He unapologetically said. “You and Hytholodaeus will drive me to madness one day.”

“It’s good practice for honing your patience most esteemed, Emet-Selch.” She playfully patted his chest and wiggled out his arms.

He was reluctant, but set her free so she could go back over to her desk.

“You know you did worry me while you were away.” She heard him say, echoing Halmarut’s earlier concern. “It is unlike you to be away for so long.”

“Worried I wouldn’t come back to you? Run off with some handsome, roguish fellow instead?” She teased. And looked over her shoulder, offering him a gentle smile. “Did I not promise you that I would always return to you? And here I am.”

The man never liked her traveling away from home. Especially, since he was not permitted to go with her. His seat requiring him to remain in Amaurot. And so he worried. About the risks she took and the dangers she faced. It didn’t help his worries either that there had been times she’d been met with many close calls.

And from the way the man pursed his lips, her answer did not satisfy him. “Everything is fine. I just came across a few...peculiarities that merited some extra attention.” She ran her fingers across her neatly stacked report.

“And am I to be privy to what these…peculiarities were?”

She felt him hovering behind her.

“In time.” She reassured. “I wish to bring the matter up with Elidibus first before talking to the Convocation about it. Do you know if he is in his office today?”

“No, I actually saw him leaving as I was on my way here.” Hades told her.

A surprise as the young Emissary always seemed cooped up in his office.

Very well...She supposed she could wait until tomorrow to deliver her report to him. As well as a few honey cakes to soothe away any ire she had earned for missing the assembly.

“You’re scowling.” She heard him say as he came up beside her. He gently took her chin in his hand so she’d look at him. “Worry about this another day. You’ve been working for most of this one. I’ve not seen you in six months, dear Persephone. Let us go home and make up for that lost time.”

His words were soothing and tempting. Spoken with a warmth he always seemed to reserve for her. A special soft side of the Architect no one else knew existed.

And she smiled, reaching up to place her hand over his. “Unfortunately, my work is not done for today yet.” She gently told him. “I did promise Halmarut I’d help with his classes this evening.”

At that, she saw Hades’ lips draw down in displeasure. “Must you work the first day you return home to me?”

“Oh Hades, it won’t be long. It’s just one class and Halmarut isn’t prone to being long-winded like a certain Speaker we both know.” She leaned into him. “After that I am yours for the rest of the night.”

Asides, Akadaemia had the proper tool she could use to look at the forest samples she had brought back with her. She didn’t have time to study them like she wanted when she was afield.

A mere grunt.

She gave him a peck on the lips in appeasement. “I’ll make it up to you. Anything you want.”

“I will hold you told that.” Hades murmured and she thought she saw the corner of his mouth twitch up.

Persephone nodded and turned to collect her things. Halmarut would probably be expecting her soon anyway. “I see you back home then?” She said as she placed her mask back on her face.

“Where I will be waiting for you as always.” Hades bowed his head. “With a very special surprise too as a matter of fact.”

“Oh?” She raised a brow.

“Yes,” Her beloved said as he accompanied her to the door, “But unfortunately, you have work to do at Akadaemia Anyder so I’m afraid you will have to wait to see what it is later. Neither will I be offering any hints.”

Oh how very cruel and smug of him! But fair she supposed. And Persephone could not help a laugh.

“Mm I shall be anxious with anticipation all night.” She said. “Oh!” A sudden cry of alarm coming from her just as they were about to leave her office.

“What?” Hades frowned.

Persephone shot an accusatory stare at him and point at the potted tree by the door. “I thought you said you were watering Daphneae!”

Daphneae being the pet name she had given to her beloved plant. It had been vibrant and green when she had left. Now it looked withered and dying. She knew Hades was no green thumb but still...

The man shrugged his shoulders at the sorry state of the tree. “I have.” He defended. “I’d even consulted some of Halmarut’s tomes but the thing seemed intent on dying. Perhaps it was just old?”

Persephone looked from him to the dying tree. Hades was not fascinated by botany like she was. But he’d never purposely sabotage her plants—he knew how dear they were to her. And tended to them with the same amount of care as he had for her.

If he said the plant simply refused to thrive, then perhaps it was true?

“I suppose it’s fine.” She mumbled. Though that wasn’t true. Daphneae had been a gift to her when she had been accepted into the seat of Azem. It was very dear to her. But all plants died eventually, she guessed. “Plants can be replaced.”

How odd though…

No.

She quickly stopped that thought just as it occurred. It was a mere coincidence is all it was. An entire forest rotting in the west had nothing to do with her pitiful little tree dying in her absence.

Still the sight of those poor withered leaves took her mind back to that dreadful place. So dead. So haunting. She would have to dispose of it later, looking at it would only bring her sadness.

Shaking her head, she looked back up at Hades. “I’ll see you later tonight then?”

He smiled—that special smile he only used for her. And placed a hand against her cheek. “I’ll see you tonight.”

#final fantasy xiv #Shadowbringers #azem #emet-selch #amaurot #shadowbringers spoilers #patch 5.3 spoilers #shb spoilers #5.3 spoilers #writing #(Chronicles of the Traveler)

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apathycares · 5 years ago

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Enraged

Warnings: high school AU, cursing, angry Sasuke

Pairings: implied Sasuke x Reader

Enraged, he slams his arm against the board, his long fingers itching to rip off the paper and burn it along with his crushed ambition. No one would see him do it as the halls were yet to be filled for another hour and the staff busy conversing in a closed-off area, but he was certain there were cameras everywhere and lifts his arm away.

The words glare at him and he glares back, willing it to burn as he wishes but he knew from past efforts that nothing could be done after this.

Konohagakure High School’s Top Twenty Honors Students 1. [Last name], [Name] 2. Uchiha, Sasuke

He never bothered to read the rest, as he was too preoccupied wondering how could this one person hold his deserved rank so unabashedly? He had spent too much time with his nose in his books and sleepless nights cramming, and he was yet again unable to outdo whoever this girl was.

He hears footsteps behind him not long after he sees a girl he had grown accustomed to. She would always come a half an hour after him and before the students and glance at the very sheet he spends seamlessly staring at. They’ve never spoken a word to each other and he sometimes wonders why she never seems discouraged but he doesn’t ask because that isn’t his business.

As per usual, she takes her glance and isn’t bothered by his presence, before sighing slowly.

“Are you unimpressed?”

He is just as surprised as she is by his random initiative to speak, but she recovers quickly and mats her hair as if in thought.

“Not really,” she says slowly, looking up at him with slightly squinting [colour] eyes.

He turns back to the large pin-up board and narrows his eyes at the first slot, before mumbling under his breath.

“Did you say something?” She asks while adjusting the large books onto her right arm, a sign that he’s come to know indicates she’s about to leave.

“I need more books.” He repeats a little louder, a frown marring his pale face when she laughs and waves him off.

“Studying isn’t everything Sasuke Uchiha.”

His frown becomes deeper and he stares as she turns away, and he doesn’t understand what comes over him when he asks, “What’s your name?”

Her eyes twinkle and she cringes a bit, a reaction which seems uncommon to him before she takes a deep breath and animatedly gestures flipping her hair off her shoulder.

“[Name].”

The air is basically knocked out of him as his lungs constrict and all the choice words he’d been saving up if he ever met her could not escape his lips. He had unintentionally been entertaining the enemy for years now and he never knew it?

She struts away sickeningly confident after shooting him a half-smile, and his hand unknowingly ball into fists. How hadn’t he known?

He finds her in the girl’s bathroom on the second floor, leaning against the basins while formerly reading what seemed like some notes. Her eyes are wide and she looks around dumbly and he wonders how on Earth she had kept the first rank when clearly she had no –

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” She states cutting off his internal monologue, though she is calm and her eyes momentarily stay on him.

“How are you first?” He asks impatiently, his teeth clenched and his fists balled.

“Well great magicians don’t tell their secrets, right?” She smiles as she jabs a finger to him, but he is not amused. [Name] drops her hand and purses her lips as she gazes at him in wonder. “You’re a hard worker, aren’t you?”

“Aren’t you?” He asked incredulously, before scoffing. “Are you really….” He choked slightly, before furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh, dude,” she sighed, “you can’t even say my name? Do you hate me that much?”

He didn’t. He actually thought she was the most laid-back girl, whenever they stared at the board together every morning for the past five years in silence, and assumed she could be the only friend he’d accept.

Before he realized she and his ultimate nemesis were the same person. How could he have not realized it? More so –

“Did you know?” he asked quietly, looking at her with disappointment. She nodded slowly and confirmed it. “I can’t believe this…”

They are quiet for a moment, for very different reasons, before [Name] smiles and attracts his attention back to her.

“I have a proposition,” she says while glancing at her watch, fifteen minutes before the first few students appeared. Sasuke folded his arms, and she took it as a sign that he was listening. “I can help you improve your grade without more cramming or new books.”

He scoffed indignantly. “Why do you assume I need your help?”

“I have this thing where I assume, and my assumptions are right, so I always go with the flow, you know? Hey, that rhymed! I’m a total genius!” She sighed and stared off for a moment. “What was I going to say?”

Sasuke stared at her incredulously. Did she have some sort of mental illness? Was it contagious?

“I must admit, the many years you kept growling at the board kind of made me remorseful, especially since I catch you studying more than you breathe, so I promised myself the moment you break the trend and talk to me, I would tell you where you went wrong and help you, okay?”

She spoke in such a sincere way; he almost apologized for snapping at her before.

Almost.

“Starting today, you will spend every free moment with me, and I promise you will see some improvement very soon.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And how do I know you’re not lying?”

[Name] checked her watch, seeing only ten minutes left, before facing him with a bright smile, one which he’d correlated to ambition-less people.

“We have a pop quiz at the end of this week on Human Transport Systems, and I know for one your average score in Biology is 94 percent,” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously and she sighed loudly. “I keep track of you just as much as you keep track of me, okay? Anyways, you follow my methods this week and I can guarantee you’ll get at least a 98 on this quiz. Though I need one thing and one thing only in return.”

There is a pregnant pause as he re-evaluates her claim. He had nothing to lose, as the coming quiz would not affect their overall grade and therefore if he did score lower than his average, it would not harm him too much. She seemed really genuine throughout her little explanation and he was planning on cramming to no end anyways. Was there really an easier method?

“Alright,” he decides, dropping the defensive stance and folding his arms across his chest nonchalantly. “What do you want?”

“It’s very simple really,” he has a clue on what she’d like just from her little smirk of triumph. “Your cooperation.”

…

What?!

“That’s it?”

“Well, yeah,” she shrugged, “It’s not like I proved anything yet so I’m in no place to ask for things.”

He recoiled abruptly. That made so much sense; why didn’t he think of it? Maybe she was really smart.

"Well then," [Name] awkwardly shifted her weight and looked away from his piercing gaze. "I guess I'll see you later."

Sasuke stayed rooted as she brushed past him in a blur and left him in the girls' bathroom. He was trying to recollect what had just happened, when he realized she hadn't mentioned a time he was supposed to meet her. He narrowed his eyes.

"Idiot."

-break- His lips were pursed in infuriation as he sat picking at his food. He was suddenly hungry and started to genuinely dig in, when his father erupted into a hearty, yet uncommon laugh. His elder brother received a pat on the back and the usual gushes of pride from the otherwise stoic Uchiha patriarch. He slumped his shoulders and his eyes stayed fixated on his plate.

"How about you Sasuke?"

The silence that followed his kind mother's question was suffocating. He hid behind his bangs when his father's smiling eyes turned stone cold when it landed on his youngest son, scrutinizing and unimpressed, just as they always were. He muttered a quick reply and got up abruptly. His mother stared sadly as he walked away.

Sasuke slammed his door shut, locked it, and lay back on his bed. Papers and books were sprawled all over the room, and he reminded himself grudgingly of the test at the end of the week he had to cram for. Consequently, a certain girl with a stupid grin popped in his thought. He couldn't understand how someone like her could ever achieve higher than himself, more so when she blatantly stated how she didn't study as much as him.

He sat up. Maybe she cheated some way or another?

Later, he was seated at his messy desk, highlighting important information in his biology text book and making notes on the side. The digital clock read 23:43, so he dropped his highlighter and pen and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He still had seven sections to go until he completed the unit.

Sasuke grabbed his phone and found a text message from an unknown number. He stared at the bright screen for a moment, before tapping on the notification.

Step one: No studying after dinner, assuming you eat by seven. And if you don't eat dinner then we have bigger issues. No skipping meals either dude. Please retire for the night.

He blinked comically. This was certainly her.

Sasuke growled under his breath and glared at the message as if it was [Name]. Who did she think she was telling him to go to bed?!

His phone vibrated and another notification came from the same number.

Remember our deal; you agreed to cooperate. Gosh Sasuke, I felt your malice all the way where I live.

Fine. Stop texting me.

He slid under his sheets and stared at his phone. Maybe this was his ticket to freedom; his route to receive that pat on the back from his father. He wanted to see how this turns out.

~fin

This was actually the beginning of a sasuke x oc story I wrote way back and never posted. I’ve got about a thousand of these and thought I’d edit this one and throw over here. Let me know what you think!

Tip Jar | Naruto/Naruto Shippuden Masterlist | part 2 ->

#Sasuke Uchiha #uchiha sasuke #sasuke x reader #naruto x reader #sasuke uchiha x reader #uchiha sasuke x reader #naruto characters #Naruto Shippuden #naruto gaiden #naruto shippuden x reader #apathycares

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nerdygaymormon · 5 years ago

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My Queer Playlist

Whether they’re upbeat & joyful or they convey pain & sadness, songs are a way to bond with a lot of people over something as amazing as queerness. Music has a power & ability to cut through, communicate something, & bring people together. Music can make being queer not so isolating.

Everyone has their own list of songs, but here’s my queer playlist.

It includes songs by LGBTQ performers, gay anthems, songs that are about LGBTQ topics & people, and songs that speak to the queer experience (that you’re not alone, the search for self acceptance, things get better, you’ve got one life so make the most of it, and things like strength, perseverance, & love overcoming odds). And many of these are great songs for dancing, which makes sense as even today most of the specifically-queer spaces are bars and dance clubs.

You’ll notice that as the years go on, the number of songs starts increasing as it became safer to be out & queer topics became more accepted. You’ll also see a shift from borrowing the songs of female empowerment to having actual LGBTQ people singing about their lives and feelings.

-----------------------------------

1939 - Over the Rainbow : Judy Garland - The dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. Rainbows and dreaming of a better world--absolutely speaks to queer desires. When it was dangerous to be open about being gay, the term “friend of Dorothy” was a way for a gay people to identify each other. “Oh, you don’t know Bob? He’s a friend of Dorothy.”

1957 - Jailhouse Rock : Elvis Presley - This is a song about male inmates in prison dancing together. And there’s even a gay crush! Inmate Number Forty-seven said to Number Three “You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see. I sure would be delighted with your company. Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me.”

1963 – You Don’t Own Me : Lesley Gore – This song is all about letting me be who I am and love who I love, stop trying to make me be someone I’m not. Lesley didn’t come out at the time as the music industry was homophobic, she eventually came out as a lesbian in 2005.

1964 - Don’t Rain on my Parade : Barbra Streisand - We do like great big colorful parades, don’t we? This song is about how we’ve got one life so live it with gusto, do the things you most want to do. I’m holding my own parade and nobody is going to rain on it.

1966 - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me : Dusty Springfield - Generations of closeted women & men could identify with the idea that queer love couldn’t last, it was too risky, so they’d take what they can. You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand. You don’t have to stay forever, I will understand. Dusty was a lesbian who didn’t talk about it much at the time in mainstream media for fear of losing her career.

1967 - Respect : Aretha Franklin - Aretha turned this song’s message of demanding respect for oneself into a universal declaration of pride and demand for equal treatment for blacks, for women, for LGBT people. She did things like perform at the Elton John AIDS benefit or a private wedding for a high-profile gay couple.

1969 - Make Your Own Kind of Music : Mama Cass - The message is take pride in your uniqueness and individualism.

1970 – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough : Diana Ross – Love conquers all obstacles if you have enough faith in yourself.

1972 – All the Young Dudes : Mott the Hoople – David Bowie wrote this song’s lyrics and sings on the chorus. The words sound like he’s calling for all the young (gay) dudes to come together. All the young dudes (I want to hear you) Carry the news (I want to see you) Boogaloo dudes (I want to talk to you, all of you) Carry the news (now) And there’s also this lyric that sounds like Lucy is a trans woman or a drag queen, but don’t bully them because Lucy will defend themselves. Lucy looks sweet 'cause he dresses like a queen. But he can kick like a mule, it's a real mean team

1974 - Rebel, Rebel : David Bowie - Part of what made Bowie beloved amongst the queer community is he was celebratory in how he portrayed androgyny and gender non-conformity and he was sexually ambiguous (bi? gay? straight?), while at the same time flaunting sexuality in everyone’s face. He exemplified the message to be yourself, even if you’re queer. This song’s lyrics include “You’ve got your mother in a whirl. She’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl”

1976 - Dancing Queen : ABBA - This is a story of a 17-year-old girl on a nightclub dance floor, lost in the music and the moment. Of course, “queen” has a different meaning in the queer community and so this is often sung tongue-in-cheek. There’s a delightful campiness to ABBA that has long-appealed to gay fans, and gay singers like Erasure, have covered ABBA songs.

1976 - Somebody to Love : Queen - Freddie Mercury, who composed these lyrics, was gay. The question he keeps asking “Can anybody find me somebody to love?” could be about being gay in a society when any sexuality besides ‘hetero’ was frowned upon.

1977 - I Feel Love : Donna Summer - This is a song about loving your body and your desires, a powerful sentiment for people whose attractions were once seen as deviant and who grew up feeling shame for who they are. Try to listen to this song and not feel like dancing.

1978 - Macho Man : Village People - These lusty lyrics worship the muscled physique of the ideal macho man

1978 – I Love the Nightlife : Alicia Bridges – Alicia was out as a lesbian and this song is about going to the club and dancing the night away, which appealed to queer listeners because that’s the space where they would get to unabashedly & joyfully express themselves.

1978 - Got to be Real : Cheryl Lynn - If you stay real, you’ll find “real love,” in other words, be authentic and you’ll find authentic love. The song was prominently featured in the 1990 documentary Paris Is Burning, which chronicles the ball culture of New York City and the African American & Latino gay and transgender community involved in it. There’s something deliciously ironic about Drag Queens strutting to the words about being “real”

1978 - I’m Every Woman : Chaka Khan - This song of female empowerment & strength appealed not only to women but also black and queer communities across the world because it is about taking on whatever roles you want. And it’s a favorite song for drag queens to lip sync & dance to as they can present themselves as “every woman.”

1978 - I Will Survive : Gloria Gaynor - You can imagine marginalized people asking the same questions in the song: “Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?” The gay community has embraced this song that is a declaration of resilience & pride Even after decades of progress, many LGBTQ people still have to deal with daily assaults on their personhood & “I Will Survive” remains relevant.

1978 - Y.M.C.A. : Village People - Very fun song. The lyrics make me think of young gay teens migrating to big cities like New York (often after being kicked out by their parents). The YMCA’s provided cheap shelter for them. And of course, the lyrics hint at all the gay activity, too. “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for you men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys.“

1979 - Don’t Stop Me Now : Queen - Essentially the song is just a man intent on having a wild night out and inviting the rest of us to come along for the ride or else get out of his way. The love interests flip between male & female and back again.

1979 - You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) : Sylvester - The singer is black, gay and some form of gender queer and sings the song in falsetto. He’s singing the praises of someone who makes him feel good, validated and alive. The words about feeling real, those mean something to queer people.

1979 - In the Navy : Village People - The United States Navy asked to use this song in a recruiting campaign, they thought it seemed like a catchy song praising the life of a sailor. They later decided against it when media started criticizing the use of taxpayer funds for a “gay” music group because it would further enhance the much-whispered talk of gay activity aboard ships, what with all these men stuck at sea with no women for long stretches at a time.

1979 - We are Family : Sister Sledge - A message of unity that resonates for queer people as we often have to build a chosen family, and this song fits that.

1979 - Go West : Village People - The song is about an imagined utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. Why “Go West?” In the USA that’s been the direction of freedom and opportunity, and plus San Francisco had become a gay mecca and it was on the West Coast.

1979 - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) : ABBA - A woman is alone in an apartment watching television late at night as the wind howls outside. She says, “Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight.” A sentiment many a gay man could sing along with.

1980 - I’m Coming Out : Diana Ross - Yes, this song is about that kind of “coming out.” The lyrics also are about being your truest self and throwing aside shame’s shackles.

1981 – Elton’s Song : Elton John - A moving piano ballad about a gay teenage boy’s hopeless crush on another boy. The song contains themes of heartbreak and shame. The video is enough to make me cry. This is from before Elton John was publicly out as gay

1981 - Tainted Love : Soft Cell - Having an openly gay man sing this song gave it layers of meaning. The gay experience is not all about empowerment & acceptance. This song coming at the start of the AIDS crisis came to represent some of the fear & paranoia that became part of gay life. “Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you.”

1982 - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me : Culture Club - Boy George had a 6-year relationship with the band’s drummer, Jon Moss. The relationship was kept hidden from the public, and George often felt hurt because he wanted to be open about his love. While the song is about their secret relationship, the video is about being victimized for being gay. It shows Boy George getting kicked out of different places in various historical settings. In the courtroom, the jurors are in blackface to show the bigotry and hypocrisy of the many gay judges & politicians in the UK (most were closeted) who enacted anti-gay legislation.

1982 - It’s Raining Men : The Weather Girls - Super campy song, ridiculous words, but it’s sung fearlessly with over the top vocals that make it so good. What gay boy didn’t wish it was raining men?

1983 - I’m Still Standing : Elton John - These lyrics of showing a strong sense of endurance in the face of adversity is a theme that resonates with the queer community and is exemplified by Elton John, himself.

1983 - Na Na Hey Hey : Bananarama - This remake of the 1969 song by Steam didn’t change the pronouns. This girl group is singing to a woman, asking her to leave her man because “He’ll never love you, the way that I love you”

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A man falls in love with a religious gay man who, because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. If you’re living in a society distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy--embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1983 - I’ll Tumble 4 Ya : Culture Club - A light-hearted song about looking for someone to fall in love with sung by Boy George, the most famous man in drag in the 1980’s.

1983 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun : Cyndi Lauper - This song is about breaking the rules, letting go, being free and being visible. And yeah, lesbians wanna have fun.

1983 - Karma Chameleon : Culture Club - If you’re a person who doesn’t take a stand because you don’t want to offend anyone by being true to who you are, then karma is gonna get you. Boy George was in a relationship with the drummer, who wasn’t out so it had to remain secretive. Their difficult lover-professional relationship was the inspiration for many lyrics in Culture Club songs, including the line, “You’re my lover, not my rival” in “Karma Chameleon.”

1983 - Relax : Frankie goes to Hollywood - At a time when gay sexuality was still mostly illegal and therefore usually portrayed in song & media by way of clever allusions, “Relax” was a song about gay sex—and despite the video being banned by the BBC and MTV—was the biggest pop song in the world. The chorus was about delaying sexual gratification to increase pleasure ("Relax, don't do it when you want to come")

1983 - I Am What I Am : Gloria Gaynor - Gloria has taken this Broadway song and given it a disco/dance vibe. The song is about coming out of the closet and living life authentically.

1984 - I Want to Break Free : Queen - The video is a parody of the U.K. soap opera Coronation Street, which has the entire band in drag, including Freddie Mercury as a housewife while singing lyrics about wanting to break down the boundaries of acceptability. The video was banned in the U.S. 🙄

1984 – Smalltown Boy : Bronski Beat – Wanting to escape the oppressive nature of a small hometown is something many queer kids long for. The song takes the pain of rejection and makes it danceable. What else makes this song notable is it’s from an openly gay group during the peak of the AIDS crisis.

1984 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) : Dead or Alive - The singer is queer and singing a love song, the New Wave music is hot, and this is an iconic classic of the 1980’s

1985 - Lover Come Back to Me : Dead or Alive - The 1980’s synth, the huge hair, and a queer singer telling his lover to come back.

1985 - Living on My Own : Freddie Mercury - This video was too controversial at the time and was banned because it featured drag queens, transvestites, and other questionable people enjoying themselves at a party. The lyrics talk about being lonely & living on my own (which I don’t know if he meant it this way, but it’s a good way to describe how it feels being in the closet), but there’s got to be some good times ahead and the music matches that upbeat hope.

1985 - Sisters are Doin’ It for Themselves : Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin - It’s a feminist anthem that also has appeal as a song of lesbian empowerment

1985 - Somewhere (There’s a Place for Us) : Barbra Streisand - This song from the musical West Side Story is about love that is forbidden by society and dreaming of a place where such love is accepted, a theme queer people certainly understand.

1985 - Thank You for Being a Friend : Cynthia Fee - This song is on the list because it was the theme song for the TV show Golden Girls. When most people think of that show, they think of the 80′s fashions, cheesecake, the one-liners and showed older women as having sex drives. What the LGBTQ community remembers is that it had remarkably progressive outlooks on LGBTQ rights for its time, with nods to the AIDS crisis, coming out and even same-sex marriage. This video shows some Pride highlights from the show.

1985 - Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow : Freddie Mercury - The lyrics are about two lovers who are forced to go their separate ways, we’re not told why, but it’s clear the singer is sad about losing his beloved. This 2019 video is two white blood cells falling in love, only to have heartbreak ensue when one of them gets HIV. This video benefits the HIV/AIDS charity organization the Mercury Phoenix Trust (MPT). MPT was founded by Queen in memory of Freddie

1986 - Nikita : Elton John - Elton John sings of his crush on a person called Nikita, an East German border guard whom he cannot meet because he is not allowed into the country. In the video, the guard is female, but the name Nikita is a male’s name.

1986 - True Colors : Cyndi Lauper - The lyrics are about seeing who someone really is and loving them for it. And it doesn’t hurt that your “true colors are beautiful like a rainbow”

1987 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Whitney Houston - This is popular with the LGBTQ community. We wanna dance with somebody like us, so we go to gay clubs.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong shame and guilt, presumably for being gay. “For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin”

1987 - Faith : George Michael - The song, about declining hookups and patiently waiting for a more meaningful connection, portrays a balancing act with which gay culture has long wrestled. “Well I need someone to hold me but I’ll wait for something more. Yes, I’ve gotta have faith” is just as meaningful today in a culture searching for love while swiping left.

1987 - So Emotional : Whitney Houston - This is a great pop song with lyrics that people can easily see themselves in. Whitney sang a lot of non-gender-specific songs, this being one of them. What we didn’t know at the time is that Whitney’s best gal pal had once been more than that, they cut out the physical part of the relationship when Whitney signed with Arista Records in 1982, but remained best friends, so there may be a reason she preferred to sing love songs without a gender. Also, as if the song isn’t iconic in its own right, I will always think of the epic lip sync performance by the drag queen Sasha Velour when I hear this song.

1987 - Always on my Mind : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of an Elvis song, but they dropped the references to a girl, making the gender of the person they’re singing about ambiguous.

1987 - Father Figure : George Michael - The phrase “Father Figure” represents how someone can take on a paternal role, encouraging & inspiring another person. Many queer men suffer alienation & rejection from their fathers. As one of these men begins to explore emotional intimacy with another man, the singer assures him that he’ll take on the role of loving and mentoring him, help him work through those issues.

1988 - One More Try : George Michael - The singer is calling his new lover “teacher” (maybe because he feels he has a lot to learn about love). He’s hesitant to enter a new relationship because he has been emotionally hurt by a previous one. The song concludes with a willingness for “just one more try.”

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - Singer Andy Bell was one of the first openly gay pop stars to actually sing about queer romance. In this song he’s calling to a lover to not leave and asks the question, “What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?”

1988 - Kissing a Fool : George Michael - George is lamenting the recent lost love of a man "who listened to people who scared [him] to death and from my heart.” The line “strange that you were strong enough to even make a start” suggests that the ex-boyfriend was in the closet or was reluctant because of the baggage & reputation that came with dating a star like George Michael. Under the homophobic scrutiny, the boyfriend was made to “feel a fool.” In the end, George is heartbroken and is the one left feeling “a fool.”

1989 - Express Yourself : Madonna - “Don’t go for second-best” just because he treats you nicely in bed, but then is emotionally distant. Stand up for yourself and what you need in a relationship. So why is this on this Pride playlist? The music video! All those muscular men.

1989 - Part of Your World : Jodi Benson - This song is from Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Ariel rejected traditional marriage partners and wants to marry a human against her father’s wishes. She dreams of being a part of the human world. For a long time the LGBTQ community has wanted to pursue romance & marriage with whom we want in a society where we could belong & be welcomed.

1990 - Vogue : Madonna - “Look around: Everywhere you turn is heartache.” That’s not exactly a fluffy opening for a dance-pop song—and that’s the point. This is still the time of America’s AIDS crisis, and this song is inspired by New York’s gay ball scene. This song wants you to put away the heavy stuff for a little while and get on the dance floor.

1990 – Groove is in the Heart : Deee-Light – A message of love and good times and the singer, Lady Miss Kier, although a woman, has a drag-queen sensibility to her colorful retro style

1990 - Freedom! ‘90 : George Michael - This song is cleverly about 2 things. One is about his career–the breakup of Wham! and then the success of his album Faith, and how he’s tired of being pushed around by his label so he’s taking control of his career and telling people to disregard the pop imagery of his past. It’s also about him wanting to come out of the closet about being gay, “There’s something deep inside of me, there’s someone else I’ve got to be.” It would be almost another ten years before he was publicly out.

1990 - Being Boring : Pet Shop Boys - “When you’re young you find inspiration in anyone who’s ever gone and opened up a closing door,” I believe this is talking about being in the closet and the hope that comes from people who’ve come out. The final verse, “Some are here and some are missing in the 1990’s,” AIDS wiped out much of a generation of gay people in the 1980’s. Now he’s grown up and out of the closet as “the creature I was always meant to be.”

1990 - Gonna Make You Sweat : C+C Music Factory - Fun dance song. In a 1997 episode of the The Simpsons, a steel mill turns into a flamboyant gay club when this song comes over the loudspeaker

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had several times declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was hinting that he is gay. “Consider this, the hint of the century. Consider this, the slip.” It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell”. The song was often interpreted as the struggle of Michael Stipe as a closeted gay man to come to terms with what religion taught about him.

1991 - I’m Too Sexy : Right Said Fred - A fun song about a guy who is full of himself, thinks he is so sexy. Richard Fairbrass, the singer of the group, came out as gay at the time of this song, which made the song seem representative of a certain narcissistic part of gay culture that centers on the gym and muscle worship

1991 - Emotion : Mariah Carey - This song displays Mariah’s crazy vocal range, is upbeat and danceable. Mariah grew up a poor, biracial young woman in the 1970s and 1980s. She had a drive to prove she is “worthy of existing,” and this has resulted in a number of songs about self empowerment, overcoming obstacles, a desire to belong, and all those things are relatable to the LGBT community.

1991 - Finally : Cece Penniston - A dance hit about falling in love. A lot of people, including queer people living in a heteronormative world, wonder if we’ll ever find true love, and can relate to the excitement & relief of the lyrics that “Finally, it has happened to me.” This song was featured in the 1994 movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which was about two drag queens and a trans woman trekking across the Australian Outback in a tour bus they named Priscilla. The show is a positive portrayal of LGBTQ individuals.

1992 - Constant Craving : k.d. lang - She had been a country singer, but came out as gay and released this song. Every lesbian knew exactly what k.d. was craving.

1992 - Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover : Sophie B. Hawkins - The song’s lyrics are written from the perspective of a woman who is observing another woman in an abusive relationship. The singer is having a difficult time seeing her “black and blue” and dreams of rescuing this abused woman and making her happy, taking away her pain, and being physically intimate with her. Hawkins has stated that she is “omnisexual.”

1992 - Take a Chance on Me : Erasure - ABBA had a following among the gay community, and Erasure singing one of their songs helped bring ABBA back into mainstream consciousness again. Plus in the video, two members of Erasure dress in drag playing like they’re the women from ABBA.

1992 - This Used to be my Playground : Madonna - The lyrics are about losing childhood innocence and gaining responsibilities. The song came to be seen as an ode to gay friends who died during the AIDS crisis, and the loss of innocence that epidemic caused.

1992 - The Last Song : Elton John - When he learned that his son was gay, the father had “disowned” him, but upon learning his son was dying from AIDS, overcame his homophobia to spend the final moments with his son. This one makes me cry.

1992 – Deeper and Deeper : Madonna - The song talks about sexual desire, though in the gay community it’s seen as being about a young man coming to terms with being gay. “I can’t help falling in love. I fall deeper and deeper the further I go. Kisses sent from heaven above. They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know”

1992 - Supermodel : RuPaul - RuPaul’s debut single introduced much of America to “sashay/shantay.” RuPaul used this breakthrough hit to become America’s favorite mainstream drag queen.

1993 - Bi : Living Colour - One of the very few songs (that I’m aware of) that celebrates bisexuality. The main line is “everybody loves you when you’re bi”, which is so affirming.

1993 - Somebody to Love : Queen & George Michael - At the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, George Michael sang this song about a man calling out to God, asking why he works so hard but can't find love. At the end of the song, he finds hope and decides he will not accept defeat. Given our smaller numbers and the process we go through to accept ourselves, queer people often work harder to find love. And here is George Michael, who became a gay icon, singing the song fabulously.

1993 - What’s Up - 4 Non Blondes - This was the first Top 40 hit by an openly lesbian group (somehow the Indigo Girls never got higher than #52). The song begins with the singer saying she’s 25 but is feeling discontent and confusion. She cries as a form of relief because she feels a little peculiar. In the morning she steps outside and yells “what’s going on?” She tries in this institution (which many think means the homophobic and sexist aspects of American) and she calls for a revolution. Since 1993, in many ways we have seen a revolution that is overturning many aspects of the homophobic restrictions that had gay people feeling stuck in an institution rather than able to fully be themselves.

1993 - Go West : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of the song by the Village People which imagines a utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. It’s a song of queer community & spirit, and we’ll all do it “Together!”

1993 - Come to my Window : Melissa Etheridge - Melissa came out publicly coming out as a lesbian and then released an album titled “Yes, I Am.” This song from the album is about a secret love. “Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon.” Certainly many gay people know about keeping a love on the down low. The song’s bridge really voices what a lot of queer people feel: “I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say. What do they know about this love, anyway?”

1993 - Hero : Mariah Carey - The song has a message that really speak to LGBTQ people. Inside of every person is the ability to be your own hero. looking to yourself & finding the inner courage to be strong & believe in yourself through the hard ties. ”There's a hero if you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid of what you are.” And it goes on to speak about casting aside your fears and surviving and finding love within yourself. Btw, in 2016 Mariah was honored by GLAAD with the Ally Award, and she gave her definition of LGBTQ--”L: legendary. G: gorgeous. B: beautiful — all of you beautiful people! T: tantalizing, and even Q for quality!"

1994 - Streets of Philadelphia : Bruce Springsteen - Bruce wrote this haunting song for the film Philadelphia, which was about a lawyer who was fired for being gay & having HIV. This song is about a man dying of AIDS. The lyrics begin with him seeing his reflection, but the disease has given him lesions & he’s lost so much weight that he doesn’t even recognize his reflection. “Oh brother, are you gonna leave me wastin’ away on the streets of Philadelphia?” This line is asking how society could turn its back on those who need help the most, even here in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. As he’s walking the streets, he is thinking of friends who had died from AIDS. He can hear the blood pulsing in his veins, and he describes it as black, because HIV/AIDS is an infection of the blood and the disease is (figuratively) black and deadly.

1995 - I Kissed a Girl : Jill Sobule - A song of yearning, confusion, and freedom

1995 - Queer : Garbage - The term “queer” in these lyrics meant odd or different, but Garbage is very open to the queer community and how we use that word.

1996 – Jesus to a Child : George Michael - The melancholy song is a tribute to Michael’s Brazilian lover Anselmo Feleppa. Feleppa died from an AIDS-related brain hemorrhage. The song’s rhythm and harmony is influenced by the Brazilian bossa nova style. Michael would always dedicate the song to Feleppa before performing it live.

1996 - Fastlove : George Michael - A guy was in a committed relationship that didn’t work out and now he just wants to not worry about love. “Had some bad love, so fast love is all that’s on my mind.” But even as he’s saying he’s seeking a casual hookup, keeps saying he misses his baby, being with someone he loves would be his preference.

1996 – Seasons of Love : Cast from the musical Rent - What is the proper way is to measure the value of a year in human life? The most effective way is to “measure in love”. Since four of the lead characters have HIV or AIDS, the song is often associated with World AIDS Day and AIDS awareness month.

1997 - Go the Distance : Michael Bolton- This song from the Disney movie Hercules is about not belonging and declaring that no matter what struggles lie ahead, I’m going to find my place in the world. That's definitely inspiring.

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. The beginning of the song describes Anselmo’s mother, who visits his grave. The first chorus has Anselmo’s mother saying goodbye, telling him “You have been loved.” The ending chorus has Anselmo dying, telling George, “You have been loved.” The line, “If I was weak, forgive me; but I was terrified,” refers to the trauma George felt during Anselmo’s decline in health. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging God. “What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.”

1997 - Come On, Eileen : Save Ferris - This is a remake of the 1982 hit by Dexys Midnight Runners which was about getting a school girl to overcome her Catholic repression and begin a romantic (and possibly sexual) relationship. Only now a woman is singing about Eileen and that makes it a queer song.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes included: “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. “Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me”

1998 - Diva : Dana International - Dana is a transgender woman who won the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest. It was the first major celebration of a trans artist on an international stage. Dana’s representation of her country Israel created a furor among Israel’s Orthodox Jewish community. After her win, she addressed her detractors. “My victory proves God is on my side,” read her statement. “I want to send my critics a message of forgiveness: try to accept me. I am what I am.” She was a beacon that many LGBTQ people in Israel list as their first hope that things could get better, that it is okay to be queer.

1998 - Reflection : Christina Aguilera - This song from the Disney movie Mulan is about how others don’t know the real you, which means the lyrics can fit the experience of being in the closet. “Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me. Every day it’s as if I play a part.” The song also is adopted by a lot of trans people because how they feel on the inside doesn’t match how they look on the outside. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?”

1998 - Believe : Cher - Whatever happens, you’ve gotta believe there’s something better coming. Keep going and loving, because the next love will be better. It’s about strength and power and hope. And the fact that it’s not always easy to be who you are.

1998 - Outside : George Michael - George Michael was entrapped by police committing a lewd act in a public men’s bathroom in Los Angeles under suspicious circumstances. The video mocks the way queer men are held to different standards about sex--many couples were caught getting frisky, but the gay couples are the ones arrested.

1999 - Man! I Feel Like a Woman : Shania Twain - This is about going out, letting down your hair and having a good time. The message is she loves being a woman. “The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun.” My queer friends who identify as women love feeling like a woman.

1999 - There She Goes : Sixpence None the Richer - It’s surprising that a Christian band with a female singer does a song about being attracted to a woman who you just can’t get out of your brain. “There she goes. There she goes again. Racing through my brain. And I just can’t contain this feeling that remains.”

1999 - When She Loved Me : Sarah McLachlan - This is from Toy Story 2, if you remove the idea this is about a toy, the lyrics are about a woman reminiscing a past female love.

2000 - It’s Not Right But It’s Okay (Thunderpuss mix) : Whitney Houston - “I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna be alright” shows a certain defiance & determination to go on, a message that strikes a chord with LGBTQ people

2000 - Stronger : Britney - This is a declaration of independence and self-empowerment. “You might think that I won't make it on my own, but now I'm stronger than yesterday.” Those are lyrics that queer people can embrace. We always can use an empowering dance song.

2001 - Androgyny : Garbage - I think this song has two messages. First, don’t dismiss people who don’t fit traditional gender roles. The other message is about trans individuals who “can’t see the point in going on,” they’re reminded that “nothing in life is set in stone, there’s nothing that can’t be turned around.” Trans individuals who were assigned female at birth may consider themselves “boys in the girls room.” Then when they decide to present themselves as male, others may consider them to be “girls in the men’s room.”

2001 - I Want Love : Elton John - This song is about a man who’s gone through some hard times, lost love, and as a result has built up some scars around his heart, but yet he wants love. Elton was mid-30′s at the time the song was released, which is a time a lot of people look at their life and want someone to settle down with, want a deeper connection with someone they can trust and have a long-lasting relationship.

2002 - Cherry Lips : Garbage - This song is inspired by a fictional trans woman. “Cherry Lips” talks about a boy looking like a girl who makes the whole world want to dance.

2002 - Beautiful : Christina Aguilera - This song affirms those who feel they don’t fit in. The video includes young people with body issues, a goth punk, a person assigned male at birth putting on women’s clothes and two guys kissing in public. “I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down.” But songs can lift you up, and this one does.

2003 – Defying Gravity : Idina Menzel – In this song from the musical Wicked, the character Elphaba sings of how she wants to live without limits, going against the rules that others have set for her. Plenty of queer people can relate.

2003 - Gay Bar : Electric Six - The words are straight forward, “I wanna take you to a gay bar.” The music video is nuts, lead singer Dick Valentine portrays Abraham Lincoln in the White House getting increasingly ready for the gay bar--loses the pants, exercises, takes a bath, wears bdsm leather.

2003- If You Were Gay : Cast from the musical Avenue Q - An irreverent musical using puppets had this song between the characters that resemble Sesame Street’s Bert & Ernie. It’s about how a closeted person may have trouble accepting themselves, even if their friend is affirming. This performance of the song by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus is delightful.

2003 – Me Against the Music : Britney Spears and Madonna - The music video shows Spears and Madonna playing opposites in a nightclub. A cat-and-mouse chase ensues, and Spears finds Madonna in the end, only for the latter to disappear just before they kiss.

2004 - Toxic : Britney Spears - This song is basically a girl addicted to a guy and she’ll do anything to get what she wants, and the taste of his lips is intoxicating. Idk why this became such an anthem in the LGBT community other than in the early 2000′s Britney’s presence in pop culture was dominant, and she was a supporter of the queer community, and each song she put out was more empowering, sexually playful, along with a sense of vulnerability. I think for a lot of bi & lesbian women, Britney played some part in their sexual awakening. Plus there’s a stereotype that gay people walk quickly, that’s because we have Toxic by Britney Spears (143 bpm) playing in our heads.

2004 - Amazing : George Michael - After the painful and sudden death of his beloved Anselmo, George started a new relationship with Kenny. During that time, George’s mom was fighting cancer and Kenny was there for him. To be able to comfort a person in their time of grief and come out of it closer, that’s Amazing

2004 - Proud of Your Boy : Clay Aiken - This song was written for Aladdin and the words make me think of coming out and worrying what your parents are going to think and will they still be “proud of [their] boy”? Clay came out as gay a few years later in 2008.

2005 - Hung Up : Madonna - It’s about living your best life and not wasting anymore time on men who wont call you. And it has that synthesizer riff from ABBA’s Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)

2006 - And I am Telling You : Jennifer Hudson - This song is about an underdog, and being LGBTQ makes us underdogs in our heteronormative society. “And I am telling you that I’m not going.” I’m going to be here and I’m going to thrive, I’m going to be me and you’re going to see me and “You’re Gonna Love Me.”

2007 - Grace Kelly : MIKA - Mika wrote the song after he felt frustrated with record label executives who wanted him to change his sound to be more like another pop singer. Mika wrote “Grace Kelly” to reject pretending be someone else to win approval – in this case the glamorous actress Grace Kelly, or he “could channel a little Freddie” Mercury. Refusing to change who you are to find acceptance is the stuff gay anthems are made of. We love Mika because he’s authentically queer and has no interest in conforming and instead is his flamboyant self

2007 - Billy Brown : MIKA - It was all going according to plan for Billy Brown: he had a wife, two kids and a dog. Then he fell in love with another man.

2007 - Sweet Dreams : MIKA - Mika covers this 1983 Eurythmics’ anthem of resilience. The Eurythmics singer Annie Lennox was seen as something of a gender bender thanks to her buzz cut & men’s suits. This song acknowledges that sometimes life is hard, some people want to use or abuse you, but “hold your head up,” and keep moving on and you’re sure to leave the nightmare for a sweet dream.

2007 - I Don’t Dance : Corbin Bleu & Lucas Grabeel - This song from High School Musical 2 is where Chad, co-president of the drama club, is trying to get Ryan, co-president of the basketball team, to “swing” to the other side, if you know what I mean. The scene in the movie is about playing baseball, and at the end of it, the two of them are sitting together wearing the other’s clothes. Guess Chad got Ryan to swing.

2008 - Talk About Love : MIKA - Super catchy chorus, he’s fallen in love and now all he wants to talk about is his new love.

2008 - Just Dance : Lady Gaga - This is Gaga’s first hit and she tells herself to just dance and everything will be okay. Whatever hard things are going on in our life, sometimes we have to take a break from them, and dance. Lady Gaga performed this at the inaugural NewNowNext Awards, which were broadcast on the Logo network in June 2008. Logo is targeted to the gay community

2008 - I Kissed a Girl : Katy Perry - Katy has a boyfriend, but she kissed a girl and liked it. Don’t pretend you don’t want to run to the nearest drugstore for some new cherry chapstick after listening to this song. This song isn’t about being bi, it’s about experimenting.

2008 - Poker Face : Lady Gaga - “Poker Face” is all about masking your sexuality. During a performance in 2009, Gaga explained that the song dealt with her personal experience with bisexuality. When she’s with a man but fantasizing about a woman, she’s got a “Poker Face” so he won’t know what is going through her mind.

2009 - Cover Girl : RuPaul - The theme song to the RuPaul’s Drag Race TV show which brought Drag performance and culture to the masses.

2009 - You Belong with Me : Taylor Swift - Not 👏 a 👏 single 👏 male 👏 pronoun 👏 in 👏 sight! The singer is pining over her close friend, who is dating a girl who doesn’t really get them. There’s nothing stopping us from reading this as a girl crushing on her gay best friend.

2009 - Bulletproof : La Roux - Everyone was asking if singer Elly Jackson was a lesbian or bi and she was vague in answering. She had a girlfriend but was worried what coming out would mean for her career. She still doesn’t like labels, she feels androgynous but more feminine than masculine, and she doesn’t call herself “gay”, “straight” or “bisexual.” However, she says "if people want to hold me up as a gay role model, absolutely, I’m proud to be that, but I don’t feel the need to say that I’m gay to do it.” The song is about a girl who has been through a lot of bad relationships and hopes that "next time maybe, I'll be bulletproof" meaning she hopes she doesn't get hurt in the next relationship she's in.

2009 - Bad Romance : Lady Gaga - First, it’s gender neutral so any of us can sing without translating pronouns. Second, it’s about loving someone completely, including their “bad” parts, “I want your ugly, i want your disease.” Third, Lady Gaga showed up to the 2010 MTV Music Awards w/ four members of the U.S. military who had been discharged or resigned because of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. When she went on stage to receive the Video of the Year award for “Bad Romance,” Gaga wore the now-infamous “meat dress,” as a way to show her anger about the military’s anti-LGBTQ policy. “If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones.”

2009 - Whataya Want From Me : Adam Lambert - I wonder if this song is referencing when he was figuring out his sexuality with words like “Yeah, it’s plain to see, baby you’re beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak.”

2010 - Cold War : Janelle Monáe - The song starts off saying “being alone's the only way to be. When you step outside, you spend life fighting for your sanity.” The chorus is how this is a cold war and knowing what you’re fighting for. Then there’s a bridge about strengthening the weak and if we unite and have faith in love then the mighty will crumble. This is followed by “I was made to believe there was something wrong with me.” So powerful. Alone we feel weak and need to hide, but united we are strong. Janelle has said this and additional songs about being the “other” can be about being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a black woman.

2010 - If I Had You : Adam Lambert - I love how the beginning sounds like Adam is going out to a gay club “So I got my boots on, got the right amount of leather, and I’m doing me up with a black color liner, and I’m working my strut.” Not the way we usually hear about a guy getting ready for a night out

2010 - Dancing on my Own : Robyn - It’s a break up song. “Somebody said you got a new friend. Does she love you better than I can?” But with a great dance beat like this, it’s a sure bet Robyn won’t be dancing on her own for long.

2010 - All the Lovers : Kylie Minogue - A feel-good dance track about love. The video has people strip down to their underwear, form a pyramid and begin kissing. All sorts of people kissing, very pansexual.

2010 - Mine : Taylor Swift - This is a song about a careless man’s careful daughter going off to college and falling in love with a small town waitress. That’s it. That’s the song.

2010 - Ice Cream Truck : Cazwell - This is something of a guilty pleasure. It’s a cute, simple and upbeat 1980’s-style hip-hop summer anthem that conveys happiness about being gay. I would describe the video as delightfully raunchy, a bunch of shirtless male dancers licking their popsicles (and a couple of butts also make an appearance)

2010 - Raise Your Glass : P!nk - The song is a call to the underdogs of the world, the “loud and nitty-gritty dirty little freaks,” to ignore convention and just let loose. Lyrics like these are so relatable: “So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.” Plus, the video has her singing at a gay wedding.

2010 - We R Who We R : Ke$ha - After a news story that bullying led to multiple suicides of gay youth, Ke$ha wrote this song in hopes that it would become a Pride anthem. The song is intended to inspire people to be themselves, and as a celebration of anyone deemed quirky or eccentric. Kesha was upset people have to hide themselves and pretend to be someone other than who they are in order to be safe.

2010 - Firework : Katy Perry - Everyone is a firework–an ordinary, ugly, or insignificant wrapping but in the right situation, they ignite and show how amazing, extraordinary, and beautiful each of us is. No wonder it’s loved by the queer community, once we come out, others see we’re bright and beautiful. The video features a scene in which two boys passionately kiss. And the lyrics “after the hurricane comes a rainbow” fits because rainbows are tied to the LGBTQ community. Katy Perry dedicated this song to the “It Gets Better” video campaign aimed at gay youth who may feel alone or suicidal.

2010 - Teenage Dream : Glee Cast - This song being sung by one boy for another was a big moment on a big TV show.

2010 - F**kin’ Perfect : P!nk - With all the negative messages we grow up hearing about our gender identity or sexual orientation, it’s so affirming to hear “Don’t you ever ever feel like your less than, less than perfect”

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. “No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive.”

2011 – Mean : Taylor Swift – This is an anti-bullying public service announcement. Even more than others, Queer kids are subject to bullying, so a song addressing the topic resonates. And then there’s a lyric about moving to the big city, which for us can be understood as a place where it’s safe to be gay. “Someday I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever going to be is mean.”

2011 - Americano : Lady Gaga - This song is about the unjust laws that exist in America, particularly regarding immigration and gay rights. The scenario is she falls in love with a girl from East L.A. (heavily Hispanic population) but can’t marry due to the laws prohibiting gay marriage. As to the “I don’t speak your Americano, I don’t speak your language oh no, I don’t speak your Jesus Cristo” I think it’s rejecting the religious rhetoric used to justify the laws.

2011 – Call Me Maybe : Carly Rae Jepsen - The video begins with Carly Rae spying on her attractive neighbor as he is working on his lawn. She tries to get his attention with various provocative poses only for her neighbor to give his phone number to Carly Rae’s male band mate

2011 - We Found Love : Rihanna - Finding love in a hopeless place, for many queer people this can be what it’s like in a heteronormative society, or when we’re in the closet and find someone. Or also that hard transition to accept & love yourself, and then going from that to hoping to find someone.

2011 - Take a Bow : Matt Alber - A beautiful, heartfelt cover of the 1994 Madonna song with just a guitar for accompaniment. With an openly gay man singing the words, it transforms this into a gay love song.

2011 – Titanium : David Guetta feat. Sia – The openly queer singer Sia wrote this song about enduring everything the world throws at you and coming out stronger

2012 - Starships : Nikki Minaj - The lyric "starships are meant to fly," is a line about reaching one's full potential in life. A great song to sing when needing motivation to just go for it and not let other people’s ideas or judgements box you in. Nikki has been an ally to the queer community. On MTV she encouraged her gay fans to be fighters and to be brave, and she canceled a concert in Saudi Arabia to show support for women and LGBT+ people in the country.

2012 – Thinkin About You : Frank Ocean – Just before this song was released, Frank Ocean came out. There haven’t been many hip-hop stars who are openly gay. And it got me wondering who it is he’s been thinking about?

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - I have a nephew who got called gay for wearing stylish clothes, being neat, and interested in art & music. He had a hard time accepting that his uncle (me) is gay because of his experience, and it made me think of this song.

2012 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Matt Alber - A gay man singing the big Whitney Houston hit about wanting to dance with someone.

2012 - Wings : Little Mix - Little Mix is a British girl band well-known for being LGBTQ Allies and including LGBTQ themes in their songs. Wings is about believing in yourself and not letting anyone put you down, a message that resonates with their LGBTQ fans.

2012 - Let’s have a Kiki : Scissor Sisters - A drag performer is heading out to put on a show, but when she arrives at the club it’s been shut down by the police. So she calls up a friend and announces “We’re coming over and having a kiki.”

2012 - Closer : Tegan and Sara - Not many bands are made up of twin lesbian sisters. This song is really cute. The lyrics are about the anticipation before the kiss, before anything gets physical.

2012 - For All : Far East Movement - As the fight for marriage equality was taking place, this group sang “Love is for all. Life is for all. Dreams are for all. Hope is for all. Feel the love from everybody in the crowd now, this is for y’all, this is for all.” The video intersperses some uplifting words from President Obama.

2012 - They Don’t Know About Us : One Direction - People tell a couple they shouldn’t be together and that their love isn’t real. Sound like something a queer couple might hear? In the song, no one can stop them, they’re together for life. Also, people thought this song might have been hinting about Larry Stylinson (Louis & Harry).

2012 – Somebody Loves You : Betty Who - The song keeps saying “somebody loves you,” and that somebody is the person singing the song. Most people discovered this song from a viral video of a gay marriage proposal at a Salt Lake City Home Depot

2013 - Lay Me Down : Sam Smith - A melancholy song with a video to match of a husband being buried and Sam saying to also Lay Me Down. But then Sam reminisces about a happier, more blissful time–their gay wedding that was held at the same church.

2013 - People Like Us : Kelly Clarkson - the song is about all the people who are brave enough to challenge the social norms to bring about change in the world. These words in particular strike me, “this is the life that we choose” and “come out, come out if you dare.”

2013 - Popular Song : MIKA feat. Ariana Grande - This is an imaginative updating of the song “Popular” from the musical Wicked. The lyrics are about how being popular and cool in school isn’t enough, and those who bullied others grow up to not be so popular. In other words, the tables will turn, you’ll need more to be successful than being popular.

2013 - Brave : Sara Bareilles - Sara wrote this song of courage as a love letter to a friend who was struggling as an adult to come out as gay.

2013 - Q.U.E.E.N. : Janelle Monáe - The title is an acronym for Queer, Untouchables, Emigrants, Excommunicated, and Negroid. The song is about the empowerment of oppressed people. Monáe uses a question-answer format to explain stereotypes, misconceptions, and oppression.

2013 - Cameron : Jilette Johnson - The song is inspired by a real life Cameron the singer knew & loved. Cameron is a young gender-non-conforming person who isn’t accepted by their family or society. The singer repeats, over and over, that Cameron isn’t the alien the world thinks they are – “Cameron, you’re a star, a light where there is dark. And you’re a hundred times a woman, a hundred times the man that they are.”

2013 - All Night : Icona Pop - The song is about expressing yourself, and that life gets better and we will find ourselves dancing. The video is about the LGBT house ballroom subculture.

2013 - She Keeps Me Warm : Mary Lambert - A beautiful song about how women can love each other, protect each other and desire each other. And the lyrics “not crying on Sundays,” I think means not believing the damning words preached by religion about being gay

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - This is a ode to worshiping in the bedroom. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2013 - Work Bitch : Britney Spears - The things you want in life are attainable but you gotta focus and work. Britney wrote this song with her gay friends in mind. “I don’t call everyone… that word. I just use it as, it’s like in respect to the gays as a term of endearment.”

2013 - Girls/Girls/Boys : Panic! At the Disco - There is a love triangle between a boy and two girls, and the boy is being played off against a girl for the other girl’s attention. Pansexual rock star Brendon Urie sings “Girls love girls and boys. Love is not a choice.”

2013 - Follow Your Arrow : Kacey Musgraves - “kiss lots of boys – or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into.” It's sad that a one-liner about kissing whoever you like is still controversial in Country music today, but I love her poking holes in that genre’s homophobia.

2013 - Let It Go : Idina Menzel - From the movie Frozen, this song says to abandon the fear and shame, be yourself, be powerful. The lyrics could almost come from an It Gets Better video about embracing who you are. And these lines are how it feels after some time has passed and we look back at our coming out experience: “It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all”

2014 - Sleeping with a Friend : Neon Trees - Glenn Tyler says he was thinking of a straight male friend when he wrote this (but used female pronouns in the song). It’s an unusual love song because it’s a cautionary tale of hooking up with someone you’re close with.

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst - The lyrics are about combating prejudice and the judgement of others in modern society. Conchita won Eurovision singing this song while wearing a gown, makeup and a beard.

2014 – Stay With Me : Sam Smith – One night Sam fell for someone, but they didn't feel the same. Good ol’ unrequited love. Sam used this music video to come out as gay by admitting the person being sung about is a man.

2014 - Sissy that Walk : RuPaul - A perfect walkway song for all those drag queens, and any of the rest of us, who want to strut what we got

2014 - Really Don’t Care : Demi Levato - The video starts off with Lovato expressing her support for the LGBTQ community and saying that “My Jesus loves all.” The music starts and Levato is singing at a Pride parade. Demi said “When I thought of the lyrics ‘really don’t care’, it made me think of bullying, and made me think of the LGBTQ community, who deal with that so often, but they accept themselves.”

2014 - Break Free : Ariana Grande feat. Zedd - Ariana’s older brother is gay and she grew up around his friends, she’s an ally. And the words of this song, “I’m stronger than I’ve been before. This is the part when I break free ’cause I can’t resist it no more” has the theme often found in gay anthems--that things are tough, but I’m tougher and going to make it. Breaking free of what the world wants you to be to become who you truly are has made this song a coming-out anthem.

2014 - Secrets : Mary Lambert - We grow up hiding things about ourselves, we all have secrets, but how much better when we don’t care if the world knows our secrets. “They tell us from the time we’re young to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves inside ourselves. I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I’m over it”

2014 - Feeling Good : George Michael - This is the final song released by George before his death. It expresses a particular kind of joy which comes with liberation from oppression. Nina Simone’s stunning vocal performance of this song in the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement made it a manifesto of that movement’s burning desire for freedom. And then here is George Michael, a gay man, and the song is born again as a desire for the queer community to be liberated from oppression.

2014 - Centuries : Fall Out Boy - Peter Wentz, one of the co-writers of this song, says the idea is a “David vs.Goliath story” meant to empower people who are a little weird. Justin Tranter, another of the co-writers, revealed in 2018 that trans pioneer Marsha P. Johnson was the inspiration for the song. When making the announcement, Tranter said, “I want every LGBTQ person to know that our ideas are mainstream. We have stories to tell and people will f*cking listen”

2014 - Put ‘Em Up : Priory - The song begins with a religious mom saying her trans kid has some kind of sickness. The mom may not be happy, but “we're hangin' with the boys that look like girls tonight” and “we're hangin' with the girls that look like boys alright”. The video features trans & gay people.

2014 - Jessie’s Girl : Mary Lambert - This is a remake of the 1981 hit song by Rick Springfield, but now it’s a woman longing for Jessie’s girl.

2014 - First Time He Kissed a Boy : Kadie Elder - This is about recognizing your sexual orientation at a young age and the difficulties that can follow. Being a teen isn’t easy and the choices teens have to make aren’t easy, but if you are brave enough and stand up for yourself, you might shock others but you might also become happy. It has a gay-positive video that tells the story in a touching way.

2014 - Welcome to New York : Taylor Swift - An insecure girl falls in love with a city where you can want who you want. “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want: boys and boys and girls and girls”

2014 - Little Game : Benny - Many people may know Benny from his YouTube channel. Little Games is about the ways in which rigid concepts of gender still dictate our behavior today. I think the creepy and catchy melody & video are a good match for the lyrics “play our little game"

2015 - All-American Boy : Steve Grand - A Country song that tells the story of a gay young man in love with a straight male friend.

2015 - Don’t Wait : Joey Graceffa - Joey is a well-known YouTube personality and with this song he came out. The song says to not wait for the world to get ready but to go explore and find what you’re looking for. The video is the adorable queer fairy tale we’ve all been waiting for. I love these lyrics, “The darkness can be such a lonely place on your own, I’ll be your compass so you’ll never feel alone.”

2015 - Calling Me : Aquilo - Growing up, we all grapple with who we are and who we want to become. We all go through a period of being unsure of our personality, creativity and perhaps even our sexuality. We have to battle to not be defined by what others think of us, but to believe in ourselves. It’s a battle we’ve all had to fight. In the video, the singer learns to stay strong, keep his head high and accept who he is, even if others can’t.

2015 - Good Guys : MIKA - Mika plays off the 1997 Paula Cole hit “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone” but instead asks “Where have all the gay guys gone?“ Mika shifts “gay guys” to “good guys” and lists his queer heroes who helped him get to where he is, while also looking forward to what the future holds for the LGBTQ community.

2015 - Body was Made : Ezra Furman - Ezra says this “is a protest song against the people and forces that would make me ashamed of my body, my gender and my sexuality.” This song’s message is taking ownership of your own body and identity, and not letting anybody else interfere with that. Furman identifies as trans and bisexual, and uses he/him and she/her pronouns

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - He’s singing about how there’s no place in heaven for gay people. “Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in”

2015 - Girls Like Girls : Hayley Kiyoko - This was Hayley’s unofficial coming out as a lesbian and in this song she sings that “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new” The video has some images of violence as a boy is angry that his girlfriend likes girls, but in the end the lesbians win.

2015 - Cool for the Summer : Demi Levato - She is curious and has a woman she’s gonna spend the summer exploring with. “Got a taste for the cherry and I just need to take a bite.”

2015 – Run Away with Me : Carly Rae Jepson - Carly Rae sings about getting away with someone for the weekend. Whether it’s just that your schedules have kept you busy or you have to keep this secret (“I’ll be your sinner in secret”), it’s very romantic. Oh, and lack of gendered pronouns makes it even more relatable to the queer community.

2015 - Alive : Sia - The song is about someone who had a tough life, but says “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.” It is the personification of resilience and perseverance.

2015 - Youth : Troye Sivan - It’s a really beautiful song about giving the best years of yourself to someone you love. The video features gay couples.

2015 - Genghis Khan : Mike Snow - This video surprised me the first time I saw it. A James Bond-type hero & villain fall for each other.

2016 - Unstoppable : Sia - Instead of just surviving, Sia is going to prove to people that she’s going to succeed. And like her, this song helps us put our armor on so we also feel strong and get through the day and smash through barricades.

2016 - Secret Love Song : Little Mix - Secret Love Song could be heard as being about the struggles faced by LGBTQ people when coming to terms with their sexuality and showing affection in public. I especially like the Secret Love Song, Part II version as the video makes clear the LGBTQ meaning.

2016 – Formation : Beyoncé – At the GLAAAD Media Awards, Beyoncé used the lyrics from this Black-power anthem to advocate for gay rights when she said “LGBTQIA rights are human rights. To choose who you love is your human right. How you identify and see yourself is your human right. Who you make love to and take that ass to Red Lobster is your human right,”

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a surprising gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their sexuality and feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Boyfriend : Tegan and Sara - This song tells the exhausting story of someone you’re basically dating, but they won’t come out in the open and admit it because they’re scared, confused, and insecure about their sexuality. “I don’t wanna be your secret anymore.”

2016 - I Am What I Am : Ginger Minj - This song is from a Broadway show about drag queens. The message is you only get one life so take your shots, whether or not they succeed, it’s better to live your life authentically as who you are. And I love this video featuring Drag Queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

2016 - The Greatest : Sia - Dedicated to the LGBTQ community in the wake of the Pulse shooting, Sia begs us to not give up and to still follow our dreams. The video features 49 dancers, one for each victim of the shooting. The song celebrates the spirit of being defiant and trying to be the best you can be in the face of adversity, which is something the LGBTQ community have managed to do for many decades. Yet despite the uplifting, catchy music and lyrics, there’s also a sense of tragedy about how that spirit and potential came to an abrupt end for the victims of the shooting.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t work out because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven?” Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ protests throughout history.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. “I found myself when I lost my faith” and not being able to “pray the gay away.” The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and I love that because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church, but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittering jacket.

2016 – I Know a Place : MUNA – This is a song of safety & nonviolence, which is important to the LGBTQ community as there’s many times we don’t feel safe being open about who we are and who we love. All three members of MUNA are queer. This song came out around the time of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando which shattered that feeling of safety people thought they had in queer bars, clubs and spaces where we don’t have to hide who we are and should be free to be ourselves.

2016 - Boys Will Be Boys : Benny - The phrase “Boys will be boys” is typically used to excuse toxic masculinity, but this song turns it on its head. Benny wants “boys will be boys” to mean each person is different and doesn’t need to follow specific gender roles. Whatever a boy is, that’s what a boy will be.

2017 - Believer : Imagine Dragons - The adversity you come across in life is what helps you grow to become a “believer” in yourself. "Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain / My life, my love, my drive, it came from / Pain / You made me a, you made me a believer, believer." This song was being written around the time of the election of Donald Trump, and one of the co-writers, Justin Tranter, expressed fear about the future. This song is the result--speak our truth no matter what comes our way.

2017 - You Will Be Found : Ben Platt - This song from Dear Evan Hansen means a lot to me. There’s a gay teen who says this is our song because I found him when he most needed help. But for everyone, this song is hopeful that when you need it, someone will be there for you.

2017 - Symphony : Clean Bandit - As a musician, I really like the imagery of the lyrics--Before all I heard was silence by now with you I’m hearing symphonies, “And now your song is on repeat, and I’m dancin’ on to your heartbeat. And when you’re gone, I feel incomplete.” The video shows a loving queer black couple torn apart by catastrophe and a reminder that music & art are a way for us to deal with grief and celebrate our loved ones.

2017 - 1-800-273-8255 : Logic - This is a song about a closeted guy who is suicidal and calls a help line. The operator wants him to be alive and helps save him in that moment.

2017 - Bad Liar : Selena Gomez - The video portrays a love triangle (with each character played by Selena)–a curious high school student, seductive gym coach and a male teacher. Towards the end of the video, the high school student sings the line, “With my feelings on fire, guess I’m a bad liar,” as she looks at a photo of the gym teacher. It’s a scene that shows the fear & bravery of acknowledging and declaring our sexuality—a moment many queer people know

2017 - Love is Love is Love : LeeAnn Rimes - This song celebrates the LGBTQ community. Rimes said that “A ‘Pride’ celebration is a living thing. It is breathing authenticity. It’s a space we hold for one another, a place to come into what our souls move us to be, it’s a place in love and only love,” adding “That’s why the LGBTQ community continues to inspire me and enliven my spirit every time I perform for them.”

2017 - Swish Swish : Katy Perry - A song about fighting against bullies, “Swish Swish” uses basketball metaphors to talk about overcoming hateful people and thriving. That’s a theme that LGBTQ+ people can identify with.

2017 - If They Only Knew : Alfie Arcuri - The song is of a previous relationship where Arcuri’s ex-partner’s parents didn’t know he was gay. Arcuri explained “We were together for a couple of years and half way through the relationship he came out. The song is almost like a diary entry for me telling his parents how innocent our love and relationship was because to them I was like the devil who turned their son gay. It wasn’t like that at all though, it was a beautiful love.” The video is a short film that shows one guy in the closet and his friend helping him see it’s okay to be gay.

2017 - Power : Little Mix - Willam, Alaska and Courtney Act from RuPaul’s Drag Race are featured in this video. The song is about gender politics in a relationship.

2017 - Cut to the Feeling : Carly Rae Jepson - This is a song about liking someone and wanting to skip past all the awkward introductions and just get to the feelings where they’re being real with each other, dancing together and celebrating love. That already works as a queer song, and then add to it this viral video by Mark Kanemura. When she played at a Pride celebration, Carly Rae had Mark reenact his dance to the song

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - Just because transphobia is common, it doesn’t mean it is right or that you are wrong. There’s a line in the song that hits me hard, “One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life.” And the video is beautiful, very poignant and it breaks my heart and gives me hope.

2017 - Heaven : State of Sound - A remake of the 1984 Bryan Adams song which was a standard love song of a boy and a girl. However, there were no gendered pronouns in the song and State of Sound’s video shows it works just as well for all sorts of queer couples

2017 - Bad at Love : Halsey - Halsey flips through all the guys and girls she’s dated in an attempt to understand why she hasn’t yet found love. Queen of bisexual relatability!

2017 - Feelings : Hayley Kiyoko - This song is about having a crush on someone. The video has Hayley chasing after a girl

2017 - This is Me : Keala Settle - The song from The Greatest Showman sings of resilience in the face of hardship — which, after all, is what Pride is all about. “Another round of bullets hits my skin. Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in”

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing and how he is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in religion for him because he’s gay. And the “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes.

2017 - A Million Dreams : P!nk - this song from The Greatest Showman is about the power of positive thinking, faith and believing in your dreams. For queer people, it’s a reminder that we are building a better world.

2017 - This is Me : Kesha - A great cover of the song from The Greatest Showman.

2018 - My My My! : Troye Sivan - Troye said “'My My My!’ is a song of liberation, freedom, and love. “Throw all inhibition to the wind, be present in your body, love wholeheartedly, move the way you’ve always wanted to, and dance the way you feel”

2018 - Curious : Hayley Kiyoko - “Curious” is a term used in the LGBTQ community to express same-sex experimentation. In the song Hayley uses it to ask, “I’m just curious, is it serious?” Hayley says she wrote the song about a past relationship with a closeted woman, as well as various romantic experiences with women who were unsure about their sexuality

2018 - Perfect : Alex G - This cover of the Ed Sheeran song is beautiful. And because Alex doesn’t change the pronouns, it’s a very sweet lesbian love song.

2018 - Only You : Cheat Codes & Little Mix - A video with a lesbian mermaid? Yes, please!

2018 - Make Me Feel : Janelle Monáe - Sexuality is simply how a person makes you feel, regardless of gender. The music video for ”Make Me Feel” features Janelle crawling between women’s legs and grinding up on both a male and female love interest under bisexual lighting.

2018 - Sanctify : Years & Years - This song is about a relationship the singer had with a straight man. “On the one hand, the guy is struggling with his sexuality and feeling unable to express himself as anything other than straight while also desiring me. I’m on the other side feeling like both a sinner and saint or a devil and angel, leading this guy down a path of ‘sinfulness’ while, at the same time, helping him explore his sexuality.“

2018 - Kiss the Boy : Keiynan Lonsdale - While he doesn’t ascribe to a specific label in terms of his sexuality, Keiynan is openly attracted to both genders – and in Love, Simon, he played the enigmatic Blue, love interest of Simon. The video is adorable & super-inclusive

2018 - Never Been In Love : Will Jay - It’s such a great bop and I have loved Will Jay since his IM5 days, and this seems perfect for my ace/aro friends. “I’m not missing out so don’t ask me again. Thanks for your concern, but here’s the thing, I’ve never been in love and it’s all good”

2018 - PYNK : Janelle Monáe - Monáe says the color pink “unites all of humanity” because it is the color “found in the deepest and darkest nooks and crannies of humans everywhere.” The video finds Monáe and Tessa Thompson (her girlfriend at the time) along with a group of other women dancing in a desert, having a slumber party and sitting out by a pool while expressing appreciation for the vagina, including some iconic pussy pants. Truly a testament to the power of pink.

2018 - High Hopes : Panic! At the Disco - Brendon Urie says the uplifting message of “High Hopes” is “No matter how hard your dreams seem, keep going.” The lyrics say “It's uphill for oddities,” which is how it can feel being queer in a heteronormative world, but “don't give up, it's a little complicated.” It’s complicated but doable. Urie created the Highest Hopes Foundation, an organization that assists nonprofit organizations in human rights efforts across the globe. “I want to join in on the fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. This is dedicated to all people and communities who are subject to discrimination or abuse on the basis of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation and gender identity.” The foundation donated $1 million dollars to Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) to establish Gay-Straight Alliance clubs at high schools across the United States.

2018 - All Things : Betty Who - This is the theme song for the wildly popular Netflix show Queer Eye.

2018 - Dance to This : Troye Sivan (feat. Ariana Grande) - According to Sivan, the song is about “that moment when you feel like you’ve been to enough house parties or events, and staying home, making out in the kitchen and cooking dinner sounds like a much, much better alternative”

2018 – Boys : Lizzo – Lizzo sings a song about all the boys she loves, and plenty of gay boys sing along and cheer when reaching the lyrics “From the playboys to the gay boys. Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys”

2018 - Promises : Calvin Harris, Sam Smith - The music video is a glittery homage to vogueing and drag ballroom culture.

2018 - Bloom : Troye Sivan - Our first mainstream pop song about bottoming. This song is a thinly veiled description of Troye losing his virginity “I bloom, I bloom, just for you.” Or maybe it’s just about flowers.

2018 - No Matter What : Calum Scott - This is a lovely song about a son coming out to his mom and her responding that she loves him no matter what. “I just want you to be happy and always be who you are.” She wrapped her arms around me, said, "Don’t try to be what you’re not ‘cause I love you no matter what”

2018 - Old Town Road : Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Lil Nas had the biggest hit song ever and came out as gay, and now his choice in cowboy apparel makes sense

2019 - Juice : Lizzo - Lizzo’s message of radical self-love that celebrates the beauty of being different has earned her a huge queer following. Her work is inspired by the difficulty she felt growing up in a world that told her that she did not fit in. She now spreads a message of acceptance and love. “Juice,” is upbeat and fun, full of confidence-boosting lyrics. She made a video for “Juice,” featuring Drag Race alumni.

2019 - Rainbow : Kacey Musgrave - The song is about hope that the bad times will one day be over. Musgraves hopes it will serve as an anthem for those facing adversity, particularly in the LGBTQ community. “I feel a kinship and a friendship with that community. They really opened my eyes up to a lot of different things that I wasn’t aware of growing up in a small town in Texas. I will always be an ally and a strong supporter. ‘Rainbow’ is something that I can dedicate to that community, but also to anyone who has any kind of a weight on their shoulders."

2019 - ME! : Taylor Swift (feat. Brandon Urie) - This is a campy, bubbly song about embracing one’s individuality. "I’m the only one of me and that’s the fun of me.”

2019 - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels : Todrick Hall - A fun song and video about being who you are and using that to strut and slay

2019 - Love Yourself : Sufjan Stevens - The lyrics are asking us to love ourselves and to show the reasons we believe in ourselves. I especially like this imagery “Make a shelf. Put all the things on that you believe in.” This song was specifically released for Pride month.

2019 - You Need to Calm Down : Taylor Swift - an entire verse that’s literally about going to a Pride parade. The video features a large number of celebrity cameos, many of whom are LGBTQ, including Queer Eye's Fab Five, figure skater Adam Rippon, singer Adam Lambert, television personality Ellen DeGeneres, entertainers Billy Porter and RuPaul, and numerous Drag Queens from RuPaul's Drag Race who in the video impersonate famous women.

2019 - Higher Love : Kygo & Whitney Houston - Whitney recorded a cover of the Steve Winwood song “Higher Love,” but only released it in Japan. The Houston estate selected the DJ Kygo to remix Whitney’s version of the song. Kygo embued it with all the EDM sounds you’d expect from a 2019 dance song and debuted the song at Pride in New York City

2019 - American Boy : Years & Years - A cover of the Kanye & Estelle song, sung by Olly Alexander, a gay man, who is the lead singer for the band Years & Years. With Olly singing, this makes the song about one guy crushing on another guy

2019 - Tiny Love : MIKA - Mika said that he wanted to capture the idea that love can feel enormous, "yet at the same time it’s so tiny and imperceivable to others.” True love is not “a sunrise over canyons shaped like hearts,” or “bursting into song in Central Park.” Rather, it’s “a ‘still-there-Monday-morning’ kind of love.”

2019 - I Rise : Madonna - This song was made specifically to honor the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, and to inspire marginalized people to stand up and fight. It is about resilience, of surviving and rising up from adversity. The video includes footage of Parkland H.S. shooting survivors, LGBTQ supporters, women’s rights protesters, Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s testimony about sexual abuse and other social justice movements

2019 - I Feel Love : Sam Smith - Sam remakes the 1977 classic from Donna Summer, a song about loving your body and your desires. The high notes on this song are so exciting

2019 - Show Yourself : Idina Menzel, Evan Rachel Wood - This song from Frozen 2 is about Elsa being ready to be vulnerable and bare her soul. This song has been adopted by the queer community as a coming out anthem.

2019 - Believe : Adam Lambert - A remake of the 1998 song by Cher that is embraced by many LGBTQ people, and it’s absolutely gorgeous

2020 - I’m Ready (with Demi Lovato) : Sam Smith - The song is about being ready for a new love. The video is basically the Glam Olympics

#PRIDE playlist

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

Text

You've Got a Shot, Though (Gigi x Jackie) - Strawberry & Cobblestaubrey

Summary: Gigi Goode, Jackie’s sworn enemy.

Okay. Not sworn enemy. She wasn’t sure if Gigi even knew who she was. However, that didn’t stop Jackie from feeling something when Gigi was around. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, but it must’ve been envy or jealousy. The blonde girl was rich, and beautiful, and Jackie felt drawn to her whenever she was around. Did she want to be Gigi Goode? That had to be it.

And it pissed her off.

Jackie runs for student council president. So why does Gigi freaking Goode have to, too?

A/N: Hi everyone!! Basically @cobblestaubrey and I wrote this together and posted it on AO3 and we decided to bring it over to AQ as well! It’s half serious and half crack fic if you’re into that, I hope you enjoy :)

“I’m just sick of people not taking me seriously. I mean, who cares about student council treasurer?” Jackie threw her hands in the air, continuing to pace around the emptying hallway.

Nicky furrowed her brows. “There’s a student council treasurer?”

“Yes! Me!”

Jackie had been treasurer since her freshman year of high school, yet no one seemed to know who she was. She had tried to put herself out there time and time again to no avail, and she was fed up with consistently failing at it.

Nicky at least had the decency to look sorry. “Oh… On purpose?”

“Yes, Nicky, thanks. A good friend you are.”

“Not what I meant!” Nicky held up her hands in defense. “I’m just wondering if you’re stuck there? Have you tried running for something else?”

Jackie had never thought about leaving her spot as treasurer. No one had ever tried to snatch it from her; it felt like she owned the position. Nicky was right, though, a change of pace could be what she needed. “I guess Vice President would be nice?”

“Mm. Not big enough,” Nicky responded almost immediately.

“But, the only other option is…”

Nicky smirked. “Exactly.”

“I can’t run for student council President!” She couldn’t believe what Nicky was suggesting. It would be a total long shot.

Shrugging, Nicky continued. “Why not? The position is open,” she leaned forward, nudging Jackie with her elbow. “We all know what happened to the last President.”

Jackie grimaced, remembering the fate of Dahlia, who had been President since freshman year. She had been popular and easily snagged the votes of every boy in the grade. The only problem was she had no idea how to be President and basically had faked it the entire time, until it all finally caught up to her. Her Vice President, Jaida, had ratted her out for fulfilling none of her presidential duties, and Dahlia had ‘stepped down’ before the student council could impeach her.

“Do you really think I could do it?” This would be a big decision; it would put Jackie way out of her comfort zone.

“Why wouldn’t you be able to? You’re smart, and you’ve - apparently - been in student council this whole time. You have the experience.”

Jackie couldn’t remember a time Nicky was so unabashedly supportive, but she couldn’t complain about being buttered up.

“I don’t know…”

Nicky pursed her lips, before speaking again. “How about this, I’ll be your advisor!” She could see Jackie was still not convinced, and continued on, “I’ll tell you what to do, make sure you don’t make any of those stupid puns you like-”

“Stupid?”

“Yes, Jackie, they’re stupid, and no one’s gonna vote for you if you say them.”

Jackie sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll think about it, alright?”

“I think it would be… good for you.”

That sounded weird. “O-kay…”

“Well, I’m about to be late for cheer,” Nicky started, turning on her heel, before looking back at Jackie, “but definitely think it over.”

The conversation was definitely odd, but Jackie was too preoccupied with thinking about all of the things she could get done, and the power she would have if she were President.

Dahlia had never listened to any of her ideas. Jackie had spent so much time calculating how to reallocate money from their failing sports teams to the underfunded arts department, but Dahlia was failing ninth grade algebra in junior year and didn’t know how money worked.

On her way out of the school, towards the parking lot, Jackie had kept her eyes on the floor, and nearly ran into a wall. Stumbling backwards, trying to catch her balance, she got a good look at what was on the wall.

“No freaking way.”

Gigi Goode, Jackie’s sworn enemy.

And it pissed her off.

Nicky did not have cheer practice that day. She wasn’t even wearing a cheerleading uniform - she wasn’t sure how Jackie missed that - but she was grateful for the brunette’s obliviousness.

Instead of going to the gym, Nicky headed down to the art wing, where Rock was. Walking inside one of the classrooms, she found Rock devouring a glue stick.

“What the fuck?”

“My mom didn’t pack me a snack and you took too long,” Rock spoke around the glue, continuing to munch on it as Nicky watched in horror.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I convinced Jackie to run.”

Rock’s eyes lit up, and she finally put the glue stick down, brushing her sticky hands on her pants. “Seriously?”

“It actually wasn’t that hard. Did you know she was treasurer?”

Rock sent her an exasperated look. “Yeah that’s the whole fucking point, Nicky, we talked about this.”

“I was a bit distracted,” Nicky smirked, giving Rock a once over, which made Rock roll her eyes.

“Slow down, Casanova, we have a different couple to get together first.”

Crossing her arms, Nicky raised an eyebrow. “How am I supposed to trust you when you eat glue sticks?”

“It was one time!”

“There are three empty glue sticks right there.”

Rock quickly shoved them off the desk, wincing as they clattered onto the floor. “No there aren’t. Anyway, you don’t have to trust me. Gigi Goode gets what she wants, and she wants Jackie.”

“Are you sure you two are even friends? How does this work?”

Rock scoffed. “I’ve known Gigi since she was in designer diapers. We go way back.”

“Suuuure.”

Rock rolled her eyes, and then got out of her seat. Walking over to the printer in the corner, she pulled out a large sheet of paper from the printer tray, and held it up for Nicky to see. “Now, come on, we have more of these posters to put up.”

Jackie had given in and signed up to run for President, and now she was sitting in the library, waiting for the first meeting. She had arrived twenty minutes before it was supposed to start, like she always had done.

A few students had taken residency in the chairs in front of her and behind her, but it wasn’t as many people as she originally thought. Her competition wasn’t too steep, either.

There was Jan, who had never won anything in her entire school career, and Scarlet, who was funny and personable, but couldn’t tell the difference between “President” and “precedent”. The others were no names who Jackie had never even seen in the library, and her confidence was on the rise.

Until Gigi Goode walked in, two minutes before the meeting started, and took a seat right next to Jackie.

Great. The last thing Jackie wanted was to have Gigi sit next to her.

Gigi sent her a soft smile, which Jackie pointedly ignored, crossing her arms and facing towards where the principal would begin speaking.

“So you’re running too?” Gigi asked, flashing her another smile.

“Uh, yeah. That’s why I’m here,” Jackie finally spoke to her, annoyed at Gigi’s ignorance.

Gigi looked firmly chastised, folding her hands in her lap and nodding. “Cool.”

Luckily for the blonde, the principal finally stood up to address the room, saving her from the awkward moment with Jackie.

“Alright, I assume you’re all here for the student council President position?”

Most everyone nodded at that, except for one student who got up and left.

The principal, after watching said student leave, turned back to the group. “Alrighty. Well, as you all know, being President means holding a lot of responsibility for not only yourself but your classmates and their time here…”

Jackie, having heard a similar speech before, began tuning the principal out, letting her eyes wander around the room.

Eventually, she was pulled out of her trance by Gigi, who elbowed her lightly. “Treasure her? I barely know her!”

Jackie flinched away from Gigi’s arm, sending the girl a glare. “What?”

“Treasurer, ‘treasure her’, get it?” Jackie stared blankly, causing Gigi to falter. “You’re the treasurer, right?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

Jackie couldn’t believe that Gigi was trying this hard to distract her. Shouldn’t Gigi be focusing on what the principal was saying, and not on Jackie?

She rolled her eyes. Gigi must’ve thought Jackie was real competition if she was willing to stoop so low. Jackie knew it was all a plan to get her in trouble, so she was trying her best to ignore all of the terrible puns Gigi was throwing at her.

By the end of the meeting, Gigi had finally stopped trying to speak to her, and Jackie was thankful for the silence so she could go back to zoning out. However, when everyone was dismissed, Jackie could see out of the corner of her eye that Gigi was still there, waiting.

“Well,” Gigi began, scratching the back of her neck. “Good luck!”

Jackie did her best to not react. “Thanks,” she muttered, slinging her backpack around her shoulder and leaving, barely avoiding a collision with Gigi’s shoulder.

Election season was now in full swing, and candidates were dropping like flies. Now the only two people left were Jackie and Gigi. Jackie was extremely confident that she was doing fairly well, as everyone she had asked said they would be voting for her.

Jackie had sauntered up to Nicky, leaning on the blonde’s locker as she always did in the morning, but Jackie wasn’t as tired as she usually was. Instead, she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. “How are the polls looking, Nicky?” Jackie asked, watching Nicky pull up the results on her phone. She had heard she had been doing better recently thanks to the few posters Nicky had made for her that hung around the halls, and couldn’t wait to see the polls.

The blonde skimmed the page, before looking up and smirking. “You’re up three percent.”

“Really?” Jackie grinned, trying to look over Nicky’s shoulder at her screen. “What’s my total?”

“Three percent.”

Jackie’s eyes went wide, searching Nicky’s face for the joke.

“What? But… Everyone said they’d be voting for me!”

Rolling her eyes, Nicky put her phone back into her pocket. She crossed her arms and raised a pointed eyebrow at Jackie. “You asked three people, and I was one of them.”

Jackie ignored her, shaking her head at herself. “How is this possible?”

Looking down the hallway, Jackie spotted Gigi talking to a girl Jackie recognized from her BC Calculus class. Wait, was Gigi handing her money?

Nicky had begun talking about something or another, but Jackie couldn’t be bothered to care. She had bigger problems right now. She stalked towards Gigi, ignoring Nicky’s calls behind her.

“Hey!” Jackie shouted when she was close enough to be sure Gigi would hear. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Oh hey, Jackie,” Heidi, the girl next to Gigi, said, “Have you done the homework yet?”

“Um, yes, obviously I did the homework, but that’s not important right now,” Jackie flared her nostrils, giving Gigi a piercing glare. “Are you bribing her? Seriously?”

Gigi continued handing the girl the money, albeit slower, as if she assumed that if she was quiet enough, Jackie wouldn’t notice. “No.”

“I can see you, that is, like, fifteen dollars.”

“Actually, it’s twenty!” Gigi smirked. “And there’s no rule against it, the principal didn’t say I couldn’t bribe people!”

Putting her hands on her hips, Jackie scoffed. “Is this how you get through life, Gigi? Buying your way into anything you want?”

“I feel like I shouldn’t be here right now,” Heidi said, looking between the two. She quickly pocketed the money and slipped out while the two other girls were busy staring each other down.

Gigi rolled her eyes. “Would you rather have me slander you? I’m sure I can pull up some sort of blackmail.”

“Good luck with that, I haven’t done anything remotely as bad as you have. I should be slandering you!”

“Oh, yeah,” Gigi crossed her arms, smirking, and Jackie knew this was bad news. “Freshman year, dress coded in the hall.”

Jackie sputtered, “that wasn’t my fault! It was the rampant sexism!”

“But the forty percent of undecided male voters might say otherwise.”

Jackie stopped in her tracks. “Really, forty percent?”

“Yeah, I think they hate women and don’t want to vote for one.”

“Well, they don’t have a choice.”

“Right? It’s actually ridiculous.”

“Yeah,” Jackie nodded, before lowering her eyebrows and looking away. “Wait, no! I’m mad at you! You can’t blackmail me.”

With a flip of her hair, Gigi began to turn away. “Then I’ll keep bribing whoever I want.”

As she started to walk down the hall, Jackie called out, “You won’t win this way!”

“Are you serious, Jackie? Yes I will,” Gigi laughed, causing Jackie’s cheeks to burn at the sound. Whether it was from embarrassment or something else, Jackie wasn’t sure, but she was angry, and she wanted to win.

If there was one thing Nicky hated, it was being interrupted while kissing pretty girls in her bed, but if there was anything she hated more, it was how oblivious Jackie was to everything around her.

Rock pulled away, her forehead creased. “Why is your ringer so loud?”

Nicky rolled her eyes, pulling her phone out of her back pocket. “Shut up. This better be worth it.”

[jackie.cox] Gigi is SO annoying! She’s bribing people left and right, and has no qualifications, and she keeps… smirking at me!

“Well?” Rock leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse at Nicky’s phone.

“Definitely not worth it,” she muttered, “It’s Jackie, ranting about Gigi as always.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be her advisor?”

Nicky laughed, “Yes,” before sending a message back to Jackie.

[nickydoll69] u r dumb

[jackie.cox] ??? I have a 4.0 GPA ???

[nickydoll69] dumb

Nicky looked back up, raising an eyebrow at Rock. “Gigi is bribing people?”

“As her campaign’s financial advisor, I completely support this.”

“Well, Jackie’s having an aneurysm over it.”

“Lemme see,” Rock scooted off of Nicky’s lap to sit by her side, taking her phone. “Really? She’s mad at the smirking? That was like, the opposite of what Gigi wanted.”

“Gigi planned this?”

Rock shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, she said something about no girl being able to resist the ‘Goode Charm’,” she made air quotes with her fingers, “She’s ridiculous.”

“But is she wrong?” Nicky asked, showing Rock the newest text on her phone.

[jackie.cox] I hate her and her stupid smirk on her stupid pretty face!

“That sounds kinda gay, Jackie.” Rock commented, and then looked back at Nicky. “We’re getting somewhere.”

“No we are not,” Nicky scoffed, “It’s going to take her two years to realize she likes Gigi at this rate.”

“Trust me, if Gigi ups the ante, there’s no way Jackie can resist her.”

Sending a quick text back to Jackie, Nicky put her phone down and pulled Rock onto her lap. “This sounds fucking stupid.”

Rock simpered, leaning closer. “It is, but it’ll work.”

Jackie was still fuming by the time lunch rolled around the next day, but she tried to keep her cool, as she was with Nicky and Rock. Gigi’s table of rich, future socialites was only ten or so feet away, but Jackie tried to block the blonde’s voice out nonetheless.

“Have you guys seen the TikTok where-”

“No Rock, I have not seen whatever anime TikTok you’re about to describe,” Jackie pointed at Rock with her spork, before piercing one of the cubed peaches in front of her.

“And I have seen it, and probably hated it,” Nicky added. “I hate all of the TikToks you send me.”

“Even the-”

“Yes. Even that one.”

“You guys suck.” Rock pouted, picking up her Capri Sun. “I send you guys the best ones!”

Jackie was about to respond, a quip on the tip of her tongue, until she heard an obnoxious, loud male voice behind her.

“I don’t think gay people should be allowed to run for anything, let alone president…”

It wasn’t like Jackie hadn’t heard something like this before, but with her losing numbers in the poll, this only made her angrier.

Before she had the chance to turn around and begin degrading whoever had spoken, another voice rang out.

“Hey!”

Jackie watched as the boy who had spoken and his friend turned away from her, only to come face to face with Gigi Goode.

The blonde’s glares were usually cold, but this one was especially sharp. “Jackie being gay has nothing to do with why she’s going to lose!”

“Very nice, Gigi, very cool,” Jackie muttered to herself as she watched this go down.

“Because she’ll be losing to a lesbian, anyway.” Gigi stared the boy down, “how do you feel about that, Jake?”

Sputtering, Jake looked around the cafeteria where half of the student body had been watching. “But you’re so hot, you can’t like girls!”

“And why not?” Gigi cocked an eyebrow.

“Because!”

“Because…” Gigi leaned forward, urging him on, “You’re an idiot?”

“Yes!“ He said with his full chest, and then pulled back, scrunching up his brows, “Wait - no! What?”

A few spectators began to laugh, as well as Jake’s friend, who had backed up to put space in between them. Gigi smirked, taking in the crowd, before meeting Jake’s eyes once again. “Do you think you’ve embarrassed yourself enough, or should I keep going?”

He rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Whatever. Bitch.” He walked away, motioning for his friend to follow him.

Jackie swallowed, unsure what to think. She had been so rude to Gigi these last months, but Gigi had just stood up for her, and she was gay?

“Uh,” she started, inwardly cursing herself for sounding like a moron. Gigi turned to her expectantly. “Thanks.”

Gigi nodded once. “Yeah.” She turned away swiftly, giving Jackie no chance to say anything else.

When she swiveled back around to Nicky and Rock, the two appeared to have been listening with rapt attention. However, when they noticed she could see them again, they switched positions, looking anywhere but at her.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Rock asked, studying her lunchbox. “Nothing, we just - oh did my mom pack cookies? Sweet!”

“Wow, so cool Rock! No glue this time?” Nicky asked, her eyes way too wide and her excitement too over exaggerated.

Rock deflated at the comment. “I wish.”

“Uh… okay.” Jackie looked between the two, wondering what moment she had just interrupted.

Silence fell over the three, before Nicky spoke again. “So… That was really nice of Gigi.”

“And she’s gay,” Rock added, helping no one. Nicky kicked her underneath the table, which caused Rock to yelp.

“Yeah, that was really nice of her to come out to defend me,” Jackie shrugged.

“Yeah… it was… very kind of her to do that…” Nicky emphasized the thought, leaning forward in her seat.

It was really nice, Jackie thought to herself, twisting slightly in her chair to catch a glimpse at Gigi’s table. The blonde was laughing with her friends, her wavy hair going past her shoulders. Jackie let her eyes stay on Gigi for only a moment more, before she slid them back to the table. Maybe there were two sides to every story, and Jackie had written Gigi’s side without even getting to know her. She had stood up for Jackie, seemingly without a second thought, would Jackie have done the same? Of course, but… Jackie was a good person, right? Could Gigi be a good person, too?

Jackie was pulled out of her thoughts by the conversation Nicky and Rock were having at the other side of the table. “Do you think it’s working?” Rock had whispered, glancing between Nicky and Jackie.

“What are you two talking about?” Jackie asked, furrowing her brows.

Rock’s eyes went wide, before she stuttered out “Anime! Crunchyroll on mobile is so glitchy!” She gave a tense smile, and let out a high pitched, fake laugh.

“Right…”

Though she was still confused, Jackie wouldn’t let Gigi throw her off completely. It was almost the end of the election season, and Jackie knew her only way to reel in the undecided voters was to nail her speech. She had begun writing it, but had no direction. After what had just happened, an idea finally hit her.

By the time speeches rolled around, Jackie was filled with confidence. She was extremely proud of the speech she had prepared, she had been rehearsing it every single night and was ready to crush Gigi’s dreams of being President.

The two sat to the left of center stage in the auditorium where the speeches would take place. Their entire class trickled in slowly, making their way into the rows. As more and more piled in, Jackie’s anxiety rose. She could feel dozens of eyes on her. The principal began introducing the two candidates, redundantly, if Jackie had to say, and then gestured to Gigi to step up to the podium.

Gigi stood up swiftly, walking up to the stand, the clack of her heels echoing through the large room. All eyes were on her now, so Jackie could finally relax.

With bated breath, Gigi finally began her speech, dragging her eyes along the audience.

“Hey guys! My name is Gigi God, I mean Goode, fuck, I mean, not fuck, I mean, shit, I mean, hey!” She turned to the principal, cocking her head, “Am I allowed to keep going or am I suspended for that?”

He nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

“Cool. I decided to run for President because we need someone who can work! And I can, even though there’s a rumor that I can’t. Thanks, Dahlia. You wish you could be up here.”

“No I don’t,” a voice called out from the audience.

“Shut up, Dahlia. I hope that was Dahlia. Anyway, I am really good with an E, get it, Gigi Goode? Wow, funny, too? You guys are really gonna miss out if you don’t vote for me.”

Jackie watched in horror as Gigi’s speech devolved into absolute chaos. She had no idea where all of Gigi’s confidence came from, as it appeared as though she was an absolute moron when it came to public speaking.

“So, if you don’t vote for me, know you are not cool. You probably are a nerd and want to vote for Jackie for, I don’t know, longer Dungeons and Dragons meetings. Sorry Rock. Peace!”

With that, Gigi pulled away from the podium, and walked back to her seat, a smug smile on her face. “Beat that, Jackie.”

Jackie sent her an incredulous look. “I would be worried if I couldn’t.”

Letting out a deep breath, Jackie got up from her own seat, and walked to the center of the stage. She gripped the podium tightly, bending down slightly to speak into the microphone.

“Hello everyone. As you know, I am Jaqueline Cox, your treasurer, and, hopefully, your future president. I have the experience of being in the student council, and I am fully confident that I have what it takes to be the greatest President this school has ever had.” She took another breath, looking down to read the next line of her speech.

“Coming into high school was difficult, as it was for many of us. Figuring out who we are, who we want to be, who other people think we should be, it’s like we’re placed in a box before we even know how to break out. Now, look at us.” She tried to find a few familiar faces, smiling gently at Nicky and Rock, who were situated a few rows to the left. “Soon we’ll be going into the real world, where more boxes will be built around us, some less temporary than others. I want to help give each and every one of you the tools to break out of those boxes, regardless of how daunting it may seem.”

She had spent hours figuring out what her speech was going to be about, and hit several walls. However, thinking back through her own high school experience, it was not her intelligence or her drive that made her happy or successful, it was her bravery. It was her fearlessness in being herself. That was all she ever wanted for everyone else, as well.

“Because of my upbringing, my boxes were always so rigid, and I was always afraid to break out and be myself. But coming here, and seeing all of you, and finding out who I am, I’ve learned that the only way to live is to live truthfully. There is always going to be fear and danger in subverting expectations, but are you really living, if you aren’t you? Allowing diversity into our school, and allowing it to flourish, would be the best opportunity we would have to create a graduating class of unique individuals who are ready to break out of societal confines, and be exactly who we all want to be.”

Jackie scanned the audience, looking for any reactions. Everyone’s faces were blank, besides Crystal, who was sobbing in the front row and Gigi, who was staring intensely at Jackie.

“If you elect me as your president, I promise that I will fight each and every day to ensure that everyone gets to be themselves. There will be no fear in my hallways.”

Crystal stood up, starting to slowly clap, looking around and waiting for the other students to join in. They didn’t. She sat back down immediately, trying to pretend she didn’t embarrass herself in front of the entire student body.

“Um. Thank you,” Jackie spoke, shifting her eyes around the unreactive audience.

With that, she turned to go back to her seat. Gigi held up her hand for a high five, which Jackie stared at for a little too long, before slowly bringing her hand up to meet Gigi’s.

“And for our final announcement of the day, the new heads of Student Council…”

Jackie listened closely, tapping her sneaker on the cafeteria floor to keep her occupied. It was the end of the day, and after what felt like thirty activities and announcements, it was finally time to learn who had become the president. She had been in study hall for her last period, and with little homework to occupy herself, had been terribly anxious and snappy while waiting.

“Our Secretary is Widow Von Du…”

Jackie rolled her eyes. She had run unopposed, what was the point in announcing this?

“Our new treasurer is Brita Havea…”

At least some good had come out of this race, Brita would be a fantastic replacement, and she voted for Jackie.

The principal paused, which only acted to further annoy Jackie, and her tapping foot became incessant.

“And our new President and Vice President are… Gigi Goode and Jackie Cox, respectively!”

What?

“ What? ”

What had happened? Had she been Thomas Jefferson’d? Why was she the Vice President?

“I’m sorry,” Nicky said, putting a hand on Jackie’s shoulder to console her. “Gigi’s speech was God awful, but it was the most human thing she has ever done. She won by a landslide.”

Jackie turned her head away, accidentally finding Gigi amongst the sea of students, across the room. She was clapping for herself. Jackie looked away quickly, because Gigi’s presence and her joy were making her upset. She gathered her things and started heading to the library. Once she got into the empty hallway, she heard footsteps behind her that followed her rhythm, but they were getting closer. After listening closely, Jackie could tell that it was no other than Gigi, the last person she wanted to see.

“Go away, Gigi.”

“I know you’re pissed but listen to me!”

Jackie continued walking towards the library, bunching her hands up at her sides. “Why should I listen?”

“Because!” Gigi sputtered.

“Amazing argument.”

The loud groan Gigi let out shocked Jackie for a second, before Gigi started speaking again. “I… might’ve… offered the school some things to have you be my Vice President, because I knew how much this meant to you!”

Jackie stopped in her tracks. She hated the fact that Gigi couldn’t seem to stop bribing people, but then again, that money could go towards a lot of the programs that desperately needed funding.

“Why would you do that for me?” She asked, staring at the linoleum floors under her. “I don’t think I’ve ever been nice to you.”

“Does it matter?” Gigi asked, putting her hand on Jackie’s shoulder to turn her around. “You can make it up to me,” Jackie furrowed her eyebrows; Gigi actually looked… nervous? The blonde put a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, looking down, before looking back up at Jackie. “I was planning on going bowling tonight, if you want to join me?”

“You were going bowling… alone?”

Gigi nodded fervently, “Yeah! To, um, celebrate my win!”

“…Alone?”

“No one else won the presidency, did they?”

Jackie chuckled, shaking her head. Gigi was a lot more than the bitchy front she put up in the past, and Jackie was actually enjoying getting to see this other side of her, in a weird, ironic way.

Jackie finally gave in, smiling despite herself. “You really bribed the school for me?”

“Yes!” Gigi laughed, and Jackie joined in, because the situation was ridiculous. “Go bowling with me?”

Jackie rolled her eyes, still smiling. “Sure, why not?”

“Great!”

There was a pause, before Jackie spoke again. “So, are you picking me up?”

“Um…” Gigi looked around, tapping her shoe on the floor pointedly. “You are aware I’m gay, right?”

Jackie took a mental step back. “What?”

“I can’t drive, Jackie, I’m gay.”

“Okay?” Jackie was even more confused, now. “I’m gay too, and I can drive?”

“Yeah, but, you’re… sophisticated.”

Laughing, Jackie nodded. “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll pick you up, just text me a time.”

“I don’t have your number, though?”

“DM me on Instagram,” Jackie said, giving Gigi another easy smile.

“Okay.” Gigi flashed her a toothy grin before turning around and heading back to the cafeteria to celebrate her win.

Jackie rolled her eyes, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

Clothes were strewn everywhere in Jackie’s room, covering her bed and desk. She couldn’t find a single, cohesive outfit she wanted to wear, but she had never cared before. What had changed?

Did Jackie… like Gigi? No, that couldn’t be possible, she had felt nothing but anger towards Gigi until recently. Everything Gigi did had made her mad, or confused, or nervous, or…

God damnit. She did like Gigi, but there was no way the blonde could feel the same way. Gigi was out of Jackie’s league, and she had no chance after she had been flat out rude to her the entire election season.

And now, they were hanging out, only because Gigi felt bad for her, and Jackie was going to be weird about it. Great. Gigi had done such a nice thing for her (ignoring the bribery), and even had offered up a friendship, and Jackie was going to ruin it by being a dumb lesbian.

It was less than thirty minutes until she was supposed to pick Gigi up, and having this crisis was not it. She looked over to her bed, where her phone was lying on her comforter, and wondered if it was too late to cancel. Sure, Gigi would be disappointed, but Jackie was not willing to put herself and her dignity through this.

She walked over to her bed, writing out what she would send to Gigi in her head (something along the lines of “Oh my God! I completely forgot that my mother wanted me to do xyz tonight, I’m so sorry!”), until she realized she had a notification from the other girl anyway.

[gigigoode] cant wait for tonight! this is the second thing im gonna beat u at today :)

Jackie laughed, despite how insulting that should have been. How was she supposed to cancel on her, when the blonde sounded so excited? Fuck it, she was going to have to put her feelings for Gigi on the back burner for tonight.

[jackie.cox] Jokes on you, I am a MASTER at bowling!

She wouldn’t say she was amazing at bowling, but she thought winning something against Gigi would help her shattered ego.

[gigigoode] :’(

Against her better judgement, Jackie decided to leave for Gigi’s early, in case she got lost. Gigi lived in a neighborhood she wasn’t entirely familiar with, so she was being prepared. She totally didn’t want to get there early on purpose.

However, when she finally arrived, she found herself overthinking everything. What if Gigi thought it was weird that she was early? But she couldn’t just sit in Gigi’s driveway like a stalker, that would be even weirder.

[gigigoode] are u at my house??

“Shit,” Jackie whispered, texting back a quick response before Gigi could think mean thoughts about her.

[jackie.cox] Yeah, sorry I overestimated the amount of time it took me to get here. Haha

[gigigoode] it’s okay just give me a minute and i’ll come on down :)

To Jackie’s relief, Gigi came out of her house only moments later, dressed in jean shorts and a striped blue button down, and it might have been the first time Jackie had seen her without heels, having swapped them out with a white pair of sneakers. It was the most dressed down Jackie had ever seen her, but it somehow only fueled her newly realized attraction. God damnit.

Although the car ride was a little awkward, and Jackie almost T-Boned someone because she got distracted by Gigi, they got there in one piece.

The bowling alley had a galaxy theme, with bright strobe lights flashing over the starry rugs and countertops. Children filled up almost every lane and every game that the arcade portion had to offer, throwing balls into gutters and stuffing their faces with pizza.

Jackie remembered being young without a care in the world, which was the exact opposite of how she felt right now, with Gigi’s hand brushing up against her own as they walked to the counter.

“I’m paying,” Gigi announced loudly, handing over her money to the gangly cashier, who was about as subtle in checking Gigi out as every other boy in their grade (which was not at all, ever). It annoyed Jackie, throwing a glare at the boy that she hoped he noticed.

They got their shoes from the counter, and headed off to their lane.

Jackie was feeling pretty confident after she found the perfect bowling ball, happy with the way her thumb wouldn’t get caught in it when she released it. However, after plugging in both of their names into the system, Gigi immediately bowled a spare.

As ‘SPARE’ played across the screen, Gigi did a celebratory dance, which Jackie found it boastful, but also cute at the same time, which she hated.

“You’re up,” Gigi looked back at Jackie as she walked towards their seats, smirking.

Jackie did pretty well, knocking over seven pins, having left two on the left and one on the right. She tried to hit the two on the left, but her ball ended up going straight through the middle of the lane.

“Oooh, not quite,” Gigi teased, walking up and grabbing her teal ball from the ball return. She took a few moments to align herself, sending her ball down the middle and knocking over all ten pins.

“Woo!” Gigi brought back the celebratory dance, stopping as soon as she saw Jackie’s face. “Uh…”

“It’s fine,” Jackie lied, standing up too straight.

She ended up knocking over another seven pins, which was still fine, but annoyed her further with how far behind she’d still be.

It was like Gigi picked up on Jackie’s irritation, because once it was her turn, she rolled a gutter ball.

“Oops! Silly me, I’m just too dainty to hold this heavy ball, it looks like!” Gigi pouted, letting her wrists bend down.

Jackie squinted and tilted her head. “Yeah…”

“I guess you’re gonna catch up…”

Jackie continued looking at her suspiciously, before shaking her head and getting up once more.

Gigi didn’t give up her act of pretending she couldn’t hold the ball, and Jackie ended up winning the game with a total of 73 points.

“Did you let me win?” Jackie finally asked, after watching Gigi manage to knock down one pin on her last go.

Gigi had the decency to look surprised. “Wha- I- Of course not! You’re just so good at bowling!”

“Do you want me to teach you, then? We can play another game.”

“Yeah! I’d love to.”

Every time Jackie would help Gigi hold the ball, she would feel Gigi lean into her touch. Surely Jackie was just imagining it, there was no reason for Gigi to want to do that. Despite her instruction, Gigi hadn’t been getting better, and had to keep asking for Jackie to repeat her instructions again and again.

That was, until the end, when Gigi finally got another strike. Her little dance came back once again, and Jackie found herself smiling at the blonde.

“Jackie! We did it!” She squealed, hopping off the platform to give Jackie the tightest hug.

“Yeah, we did. We’re a great team, I’m glad we were able to become such good friends after everything!”

She could feel Gigi still almost immediately, before pulling away from Jackie and giving her a cold stare. “Friends?”

Jackie swallowed. “Yeah? What else could we be-”

“I ask you to go bowling with me, and pay for it, and get you to ‘teach me’ how to bowl, even though I’m clearly better than you, and you call us friends?”

“Wait, so you were faking it?”

“Yes, Jackie, you idiot! So not the point!” She threw her hands up, balling them into fists and setting them back down to her sides. “I like you! I don’t know how to spell it out so you can finally figure it out, but I’ve had this massive crush on you for like a year!”

Jackie felt every word she wanted to say get lodged in her throat, watching Gigi grow angrier.

“And I thought you felt the same, because you said yes to this date!”

Jackie took a step back mentally. “This is a date?”

“‘This is a date?’” Gigi mocked her, “Of course it’s a date!” She let out a huff, closing her eyes and finally calming down. She spoke calmly, her voice sounding like it was on the verge of cracking. “Did you not want this to be a date?”

“No, I do! I just never thought you felt that way about me!”

Gigi laughed incredulously, shaking her head. “Seriously? I thought I was being totally obvious.”

Suddenly, a lot more of what had happened over the last few weeks made sense to Jackie. The reason why Gigi had sat next to her that day in the library, their arguments always being filled with tension that she couldn’t pinpoint, her own feelings towards Gigi. The way Gigi had always looked at her, intensely, and without shame.

“I’m not… the best at picking up on things…” She rubbed the back of her neck, her face beginning to burn. “I feel like an idiot now.”

“You should, honestly. I bribed the school for you to be the VP, and you thought absolutely nothing of it?”

Jackie rolled her eyes, trying not to let herself smile. “Way to make me feel better.”

Gigi grinned, leaning forward to nudge Jackie’s shoulder with her own. “Sorry, you’re just ridiculous.”

The two laughed, and Jackie felt all of the pressure of the night fall off her shoulders. She wasn’t sure what this would make the two of them, but for once, she couldn’t be bothered to care. She was having a good time, and she was having a good time with Gigi. “Yeah, but you like me.”

“You like me, and I bribe people.”

“Morals be damned in the name of high school crushes,” Jackie shrugged, laughing along with Gigi, before pressing her lips together. “Where does that leave us now?”

Gigi twisted her bowling shoe on the ground, quirking her mouth to the side. “I guess we could, you know, finish our date?”

Jackie could feel herself genuinely smile again, blushing under the strobe lights. “Well… I am positive I could kick your ass at the arcade games.”

Gigi smirked, leaning forward to grab Jackie’s hand, pulling her towards the Arcade. “You’re on.”

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #jackie cox #nicky doll #rock m sakura #gigi x jackie #nicky x rock #lesbian au #high school au #enemies to friends to lovers #crack fic #you've got a shot though #strawberry #cobblestaubrey #s12 #rare pair #tw homophobia

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