#last time i tried to talk to someone i didnt know my brain decided a soup of spanglishlian was the way to go and they werent even famous so

[chanrizard]

just saw you ask about talking to celebs and i totally agree. like honestly it's all about reading the room. like there have been a couple stay clips i've seen where they simply said hi to them and went on about their day, and even some who saw them and kindly asked for an autograph (or to sign a pc) so like that's not the same as following them around and/or taking video/pics when they're clearly having some private time or if they seem uncomfortable already about it. to act all high and mighty like "oh i'd NEVER do smth like that, please" is so hypocritical bc those same ppl who answered that way would totally go up and say hi if given the opportunity i guarantee you lol

hi izzy dear 💕💕 exactly you're so right, it's not that deep but it is a matter of reading the room and act accordingly at the end of the day

then if someone chooses not to bother them good for 'em but that doesn't make them any better than a fan who decided to say hi and -granted they have some common sense and know how to behave- i don't think it should be this big of a deal either lol

[kaisworlds]

ghillie suit wearing reader who is an absolute fucking unit im talking taller than könig okay

top dom male reader x könig

they meet on the battlefield, now könig knew who you were, of course he did, you were the only one on base who towered over him but he didnt expect his ass to get saved by you plus he had a tiny hallway base crush on you.

he was running through the large amount of trees trying to escape the enemies whose amount was gradually increasing behind him. he was out of ammo and used his gun as a weapon up til now. he dodged a few bullets before feeling a wet patch in his shoulder deciding not to look (to avoid the adrenaline from wearing off) he continues running seeing a lake close by he sprints towards it having the idea to hide out until backup arrived for him. the air was knocked out of his lungs as he got tackled to the ground he tries fighting whatever was ontop of him but feels a hand wrap around his mouth glancing up into the shaggy figures eyes

its the same [e/c] he can never seem to stop staring at in the break room

his body immediately relaxes under the weight of your body pressed up against his, the moment doesnt last forever as the yelling of the enemy soldiers grow louder.

still laying on top of him you lean each of your elbows beside his head resting the tip of your gun on a tree trunk quickly firing, every bullet that leaves the muzzle aims like a tracker into someones skull. könig was so caught up in you being on top of him,his mind running wild, not even registering the low whine that leaves the back of his throat as you get up off of him

furrowing your eyebrows at the noise deciding to leave it to the fact that he was....as much as you tried to find another reason you couldnt so instead you asked "könig right?" while grabbing gauze from one ofbthe patches on your ghillie suit before kneeling down beside him. könig nods looking anywhere but your face eyes widening like saucers as you unbuckle his vest "calm down im just going to wrap the wound before it gets dry and sticks to the fabric, is that okay könig?" the way you say his name has him crossing his thighs to hide the boner pressing up against his pants, his shakey hands slowly move up to take off the gear and clothes he has on. 'why are my hands shaking stop it he's gonna think your weird Scheiße' everything he is doing right now seems wrong in his eyes he can feel his heart racing, he has killed people and faced gruesome shit but none phased him as much as this situation right now after what felt like an eternity to him he finally pulled off his undershirt, his chest completely bare for you to see

taking off the head piece of your suit you start wrapping the bandage over the wound hand resting on his chest surprised by his hammering heart just mumbling out a small "its gonna be okay love" not thinking much of it trying to get him to hold still under your touch

he is so happy the veil covers his face, he wouldnt want you seeing how his cheeks lit up like Christmas lights, he continues to sneak glances at your concentrated face.

of course you noticed, did he really think he wasnt obvious? he shouldve caught on by now the way you subtly licked your lips or the way you've been flexing your jawline this entire time. he was too caught up in his thoughts to even think about that though.

thinking about how he felt your bulge on his thigh while you were ontop of him, about how easily you took him down, you could probably pin his hands down without even trying, how hard could you chok- "such a good boy for sitting still" könig snaps out of his thoughts brain barely comprehending what you said, he makes eye contact with you...you're smirking...did you know he liked you?

"how can you be so oblivious" a teasing tone in your voice he just avoids eye contact slowly shrugging the blush now reaching his neck. clicking your tongue you lean in closer to him hand sliping under his veil cupping his jawline "i like you too if i wasnt obvious enough" gently lifting the black clothe covering his face his hand grabbed your wrist, [e/c] eyes bore into his, as he gets lost in them his hand slowly slips off allowing your hand to raise the cloth stopping when it reaches his nose not wanting to push him.

slowly you lean in crashing your lips onto his he immediately kisses back pulling you closer ontop of him before a call comes in through your radio asking if anyone found könig because he wasnt responding, slowly leaning back grabbing your radio "yeah we're by the lake over"

könig lets the veil drape over his blushing face before slowly putring his gear back on

i love him guys :(

[ssparksflyy]

dating jason grace hcs! (ᴗ͈ ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

pairing jason grace x child of hermes!reader summary based off this request !! an lin manuel as hermes no matter how much i pretend to hate youre iconic and i actually love you

"okokokok" and "lalalala" who ???

people were so surprised when you started dating since youre literal opposites ?!?!

youre so chill and laid back and fun

jason straightens up so quick and salutes if somebody yells attention

but since he's met you, he's definitely relaxed a little more

he's learnt to accept the fact that he can actually relax at times and just enjoy himself ?!?!?!? (shocking, right)

and you were the one who taught him that !!

it honestly started when your first met

cause he was training by himself after lessons had finsihed

you were walking around with your siblings, just passing by and decided to ask him if he wanted to go to the fireworks show that was being held that night ♡

cause like youd seen him around camp before, always helping someone out with someone, and youd be lying if you said you didnt think he was cute 😋 (i sound like a nine year old omg bye)

so what better time to ask than now !

i could lie and say he was super chill about it but lets be honest he was already smitten before you could even finish the question

dropped his sword, face all red and everythinggg 😵‍💫

(you tease him about this now, but he just fights it with a corny "guess you stole my heart" that makes you cringe and roll your eyes yet still smile)

he tried to act all cool and say he'd think about it when in reality he was already getting ready to run to the aphrodite cabin and ask piper for help

i love tlh trio so much i just know jason would be panicking about the whole thing and piper's trying to reassure him + give genuine advice while leo is just messing around 😭

he did manage to get some tips and you ended spending the whole nights talking and laughing instead of actually watching the fireworks ♡♡

he walked you back to your cabin and by then you both established big ol' crushes on each other (aw ya cuties)

the amount of teasing you got from your cabin that night was actually crazy though

you were last to get in that night and entered to a whole chorus of 'oooooo's

a few thrown pillows and 'connor i swear to the gods i will push you off the lava wall-'s later and you were finally able to go to sleep though ♡

the teasing and jokes never stop

even when you (finally) started dating

its your cabin's love language honestly

your younger siblings are OBSESSED with jason

hes actually so good with kids bye

he just 'treats them the way he wished he was treated as a kid :(

his words not mine i dont talk like im giving an anti-bullying assembly

but like he loves playing with them

instant besties !

he even helped them prank you one time :o

he felt so devious doing it good lord

real i was a bad girl i did some bad things yaknow

literally all he did was distract you as your siblings taped a balloon full of water and got a dart pin ready to pop it when you walked into the door

but he was all giggly when the prank succeeded

only for like 5 seconds cause then he was helping you dry off and apologizing

you didnt minddddd, it was fun seeing him act like a "rebel"

okay call me crazy but like trackstar power couple

hermes kids are fast, known fact, evidence? tlt musical said so

and i feel like jupiter/zeus kids would be too!! like moving at the speed of lightning hyperbole... please tell me you see the vision

but like being able to use that as an excuse to get some time away from people... the scandal.

jason telling the group he's with (not necessarily close friends, he knows he can just tell them that he's going out with you) that he's going out for a run

youll be flushed when you return-

when really he's ditching them to go hang out with you

cause this man can NOT say no. he's a people pleaser man it's hardwired into our brains

and they'll think it's normal cause like jasons weird

why question the kid who likes musicals and history

do you see where this is going.

jason taking you to watch opening night of hamilton cause he's been bouncing off the walls for it and really wanted to show you so he'd have someone to talk to about it after :)

it started off fun!!

you were both really enjoying the beginning! well, the first minute and twenty seconds of it at least

cause after that you lost your shit :D

your dad was literally on stage, a few hundred feet away from you, acting as a founding father

the rest of the show you were internally freaking out, questioning everything

jason had no clue, not until you told him during intermission

had the AUDACITY to say "...and thats how you were born" after the traumatizing experience of say no to this

after the show you chased you dad down on the street as he was trying to get 'home'

jason was lowkey giggling the whole time like he was not taking this serious at alllll

but hey he got to meet your dad !!

hermes likes jason, thinks he's a very distinguished gentleman

jason likes hermes, thinks he's pretty good at rapping

at least one of you gained something from that experience

not proofread !

[casperth3ghost]

"mundane hcs" but its acc just shit i do on a daily basis

ANYWAYS, a list of random things i do that i think tts & vat7k characters would do‼️(this is like most characters btw, like not js the main ones this is like as many as i can remeber and that fit with my self projection

lance will get home from the busiest day ever and the first thing he does is make himself a bowl of ice cream, no matter what hour of the day, he WILL have a bowl of ice cream

varian tries to brush his teeth twice a day but usually how it goes is he takes a shower and then lays and bed lying to himself like "yeah ill js rest my eyes for a couple minutes and then ill get up" and then he actually falls asleep, but every morning he brushes his teeth with no problems

eugene used to brag about how many cavities hed get until he had to take care of them and started missing when he didnt have any

rapunzel can be mid convo with somebody while texting them and then out of the blue just space out and like "huh..." when she realizes what js happened

cassandra and yong are both lactose intolerant but cass tries to take care of herself(she drinks almond milk & eats frozen yogurt which are 10/10 alternatives for non-lactose free items BTW) but yong just keeps eating everything and then wonders why he feel absolutely diobolical 10 mins later

catalina says shell start a book and then reads 1 page then forgets about it for around 3 months ans then remeber and the gets so focused on it no one knows if shes okay, angry does the same thing but with tv shows

nuru tends to not stop what shes doing to go pee so shes suffered the consequences(shes had a UTI before)

rapunzel, despite telling everyone around her to drink water, shes always suprisingly dehydrated

ulla will wake up at random times at night wondering why the fuck shes awake and then go right back to bed like nothing happened

donella has thought of multiple schemes to kill people but has decided that for her own good she will not commit any of them

quirin forgets to say please and thank you at restruants and then says them last minute and then gets so embarrassed and akward he will just flat out stop talking, he passed this onto varian who seems to suffer with this to even MORE extent bcuz he doesnt realize when someone is complimenting him so he'll just stare at them and then be liek "oh!! oh my gosh thank you!!" but the person already walked away and now he feels like an asshole

adira will wear the same pair of pants for 3 weeks straight w/o washing them bcuz she wears other pairs in between that pair so she has a pant cycle, but none of the pants get washed until she can acc smell like dog shit on them or smth and realizes just how morbidly gross they are

hector says hes a hopeless romantic but has never fallen in love a day in his life

donella knows every word to satisfied from hamilton but she literallt doesnt relate to angelica in any way, shape, or form

catalina is a shameless taylor swift fan

angry is a taylor fan but she will always refuse to admit it bcuz idk she feels ashamed

rapunzel will find a band that scratches her brain and listen to that band until it is literally impossible for her to do so anymore

cassandra loves fettuchini alfredo

king edmund is an accidental social butterfly

queen ariana had attempted to drown willow in a pool more times than she can count

kind fredric will butt into random convos if even just 1 word peaks his intrest

hugo knows how to crochet but never has enough money or motivation to actually make something even mildly useful

hugo is a "booktok" girly but he doesnt and never has had enough money to invest in the shit ton pile of books he wants

varian would rather go to a meuseum then lay in bed at his house

ulla would do cartwheels in an aquarium if she could w/o getting kicked out

cyrus says goodnight and goodbye to everyone but can never muster up to say "i love you" after just bcuz he thinks itll be too akward😓

amber is the type of gay girl to say "ewww lesbian/gay" to her friend/gf bcuz they say smth gay knowing she is just as queer

uhhhh thats all i can think of rn, but like this is mostly based off shit i do... so take all that as you will🤺‼️ ill post any art i decide to shit out in the next couple of days on here but also a reminder i am painfully active on pintrest so uhhh ya:3!! BTW most of these hcs are just stupid and for fun so like pls dont get offended and feel free to add on or give suggestions:3!!

[thenixkat]

another not-godzilla

pls feed Kafka he's too skinny now

he's not even broad anymore, someone pls feed Kafka. Like he had to regenerate a lot in the past few weeks he needs some more rations pls his waist is so narrow i hate it

oh that's a scar on asshole dad's forehead not just him frowning constantly

that's rude as hell. I do not care for teh gamer boy

yeah Kafka's not really ok with everyone talking about killing him for parts or using him as a living weapon… this is why ya shoulda been better at hiding yer secret identity sir. You could have transformed when no one was looking

rude ass hell

also ignoring why Kafka went berserk (ya know repeatedly getting his limbs ripped off by someone he was under the impression was trying to kill him) Kafka pls dont thank the person who just threatened to turn you into a suit

oh hey a hive of kaiju ants

i dont like this guy. he's rude. asked a subordinate for a loan to buy more junk and toys, is an influencer

huh ant kaiju are rare to see on the surface but folks run into them underground

Kafka wants to be recognized for his ability as an officer and not a kaiju weapon so he's trying to fight without fully transforming but like sir, try that after you've convinced folks yer more useful alive than as spare parts also yeah had a traumatizing time the last time he fully transformed isnt rocking with it at the moment

not the transformation failing. Kafka's kaiju side said 'nah, you didnt want my help last time'

not the cordyceps

also the ant kaiju spray acid like real ants

ah the fungus has a brain

right i have bee seeing brains in split kaiju wild that their brains are not important organs

how does using the Numbers weapons shave years off yer life? what are the ghosts of the kaiju that got made into them taking revenge

ah yeah 100% Kafka is scared of losing control that's why his transformations keep failing gets a pep talk from rich girl that's more or less 'we're too fucking badass for you to kill us if you lost it, so dont worry about it'

what happened to my guy's claws? also he finally figured out how to smile with that face

ah Kafka learned some tricks from the bug's joyride

Kaiju do have telepathy!

no. 9 tells other no. 9 to pls hold its learning about a new strong enemy right now

the influencer has kaiju eyes b/c biomodding soldiers is fine, kaiju-human hybrids from the wild arent tho

so its not future sight just literal mind reading

damn that's the first 'well done' rich girl got from her shitty dad since her mom died

apparently the ant swarm and two no. 9s were a diversion. B/c no. 9 the third planned to have teh shitty dad for dinner hahah

also how did that mother fucker sneak into yer base? damn yall are not ready for intelligent kaiju damn that man was nice to his daughter for teh first time in a decade and then got ate mind you his daughter is like 18 at best ah i assume no. 9 probably ate like a janitor and got in that way

also no. 9 has certainly been eating its Wheaties

huh so its just stressful to use

shitty dad acknowledges that he's been a bad father

rip to shitty dad, he tried to his best but uh he can't regenerate

shitty dad became dinner

no. 9 really was only here for dinner and decided to dip

Kaiju no. 9 what does a kaiju era mean? are you planning on getting rid of the ability of humans to fight back against the kaiju so they can do what they want? like its not like there's many sapient kaiju running around most of the fuckers seem to just be wild animals doing wild animal shit

ah the thing where Kafka started not being able to turn completely back human

human looking at least

have yall tried feeding him cause look at that you can almost see the poor man's abs

these are not good working conditions. Also just bc he stops being able to look like a human doesnt mean he'd stop thinking like a human necessarily

no. 10 regained consciousness in captivity. It's core is too damaged for it to regenerate. It had a blast fighting the vice captain and tells him if it's gonna become a weapon for anyone it wants him to use it

being… you are a head, a small piece of spinal cord, and like 2/3rds of a core the fuck are you gonna fight with??

ah it means it wants to be made into a weapon and that teh vice captain use it to fight. Bc it really really had fun fighting him and wants more like that good news the vice captain made a new friend and it has agreed to be interrogated bad news it still would like to eat him and the possibility of it trying to take over his body if he wears it is not zero

oh hey we've got the reveal that no. 9 is no. 10's parent

to be fair yall havent run into many sapient kaiju that are willing to use their shapeshifting to the fullest extent. and no. 9 is just creating more kids

how tho? How the fuck does heat and pressure at fault lines deep underground make substances that mutate nearby animals and plants (how did the animals and plants get that fucking far into the fucking Earth in the first place) into aliens. B/c you cannot convince me that kaiju arent aliens with their fucking biology that we've been shown

what do you mean in order for a human to use one of the Numbers weapons their cells have to be compatible with the kaiju that the weapon was made from? What kind of superior genetics eugenics shit is this? How are human cells compatible with kaiju cells anyway and why are yall not concerned that human cells can be compatible with kaiju cells

like zoonotic diseases? also should yall not be concerned that some humans are genetically compatible with kaiju cells or is that ok b/c you pick teh super soldier

another not-godzilla but this one has tentacles. There's a lot of not-godzillas in this, yall cant do a not-Mothra or a not-Ghidora for once?

idk about anything else but I think if a human's cells are compatible with kaiju material (i dont get how it works and it seems weird and iffy) but that should mean they can get turned into a were-kaiju the series continuously points out that Ichikawa is a teenager and yet the fandom is so fucking horny for that child it is genuinely disgusting

hmm and we're gonna saddle this teenager with an increased risk of dying young in this already dangerous job b/c apparently lacking in supersoldier badasses who can solo high tier boss monsters

oh hey a somewhat responsible adult tells Ichikawa to turn down the supersoldier offer

also fucking noodle ass human beings unfortunately, Ichikawa is an extremely loyal friend and takes up the offer

there's a neuro link into the weapons ok so the shit is giving people brain damage when they overclock

[quantum-bliss]

Day 8 of Heartbreak (never posted)

I dreamt of you last night. We were hanging out at your place, it seemed like it would be a friendly reminder of the good times we shared. It wasn't. Soon after many strangers came in, strangers to me not to you. Everything felt unfamilar, including you.

I went to restroom and over heard your company talking about me, I could tell you were comfortable with them and I wondered why you never told me about them. I left because I began to feel like I was imposing, like I didn't fit in with this part of your life.

I decided to go back home, at which point army helicopters began landing in the area. They were attempting to hold people captive and I worried if you were safe. I almost got held captive but I escaped. When I made it home I called you immediately. The new people in your life picked up, I didnt get the chance to talk to you. It was then that I realized I probably never would get a chance to speak to you again.

Its weird the way the mind and heart work together. I guess the brain tried to make sense of my emotions through the dream. The feeling of being abandoned, betrayed, replaced. The feeling of being at war. Im not at war against you, I am at war against myself.

You see, when someone hurts you, your heart changes shape. The person who hurt you may feel like you dont love them or you dont forgive them, but thats not it at all.

Your heart is no longer the same shape, which means you are no longer the same person. You try fit that person into your heart, but the spot they used to fit in is no longer accessible. You cant figure out where to place them no matter how hard you try.

Even you yourself do not recognize this new heart and you dont know what this means for your future. All you know is things are different, you are different. This is the war against oneself.

Everyday I try to return to normal but I cant. Im not the same person and I have to fight against the part of my heart that wants to become smaller. I have to fight my thoughts and emotions that want to destroy the love inside me. I have to fight to believe in the goodness of people and life. I have to fight to become a better version of me instead of the destructive one.

This is why everyday of heartbreak feels different, because some days I am winning the battle, some days I am losing the battle, but in all day I am at war. No sorry, no guilt, no regret, no shame, no words can change that.

You too must fight your own war as I fight mines. It is my hopes that one day we will both wave our flags high in the air at victory. Till then we will have blood on our hands, wounds on our bodies, and hearts that ache through the night.

[emmacreatures]

A HEAVY START

OKAY. SO. Despite me and Nina literally made this ship earlier today, my brain did a BRRRR and went bonkers since I'm just extremely inspired and so happy to have nina in my life. This story starts off very gently, but well. Warning, it will take a big turn.

I cant tell yet how canon things will be, since we just made them, so I always need some experimenting and such! So IF I ANNOUNCE NEW SHIT, dont be surprised if it changes slightly through time, but despite all I'm nervous yet excited to hear what you guys think aaaa i literally wrote this in like.. 3 hours hoppla ENJOY! Featuring two new characters, called with their LAST NAMES!!! Muller and curran! __________

Everyone was just doing their thing at Bridgehead. Muller had been told to keep track of most developing recom bodies, as he was specialized in genetics. Though it didnt stop the man to go through more since he was one of tbe more specialized all 'inclusive' scientists at the RDA. His looks may seem innocent, but the man's mind was able to do more than just work on one part of their whole operation. He used to work beautifully along Grace, for they both had the beautiful passion for the Na'vi, and all living things.. But unlike Grace, Muller had a rather innocent look, so he at times got tossed around a bit, being asked to do various things which he did not mind.. In fact, he met alot of people because of that.. Something that at this day left a sour wound.

It was a big 'getting used to' for the man, when he was being brought back as a recom. He remembered waking up, as it felt like a dream at first.. He couldn't believe his own sight, and didnt remember anything when he started to slowly build up the fact he was a Na'vi now. He almost wanted to do tests on himself, as he was so mesmerized by the fact his DNA was now mixed with that of the native's... But the happiness was cut short, for his reality was slowly haunting him. It was like someone put a mental wall up in his brain. The more he scratched upon that wall, the more he rememberd from a past life. Memories they'd call it. But he started to feel it was becoming a slight nightmare. It wasnt his marvelous intelligence that bugged him.. It was the mere rather deeper emotions with attachments coming loose.

Through the months of being a Na'vi, he was asked a lot of things. He missed grace, for she kept a nice pace and control around the RDA, as they matched up well with energy, but he managed well on his own. His energy with the RDA didnt match so well.. So he tried to still be independant, and have his own corner to do what they asked of them. Originally he was put with the recom squad, to come along and explain them about pandora when they were developing to understand the na'vi ways especially, since like grace, he knew all about it. But slowly, Quaritch noticed the man becoming hesitant, as if something deeply put him on the breaks.. So for now, ardmore, after talking with quaritch about it, decided to keep the man at bay, and allow him to work in the labs for it seemed the best that way.

In those few months, alot of exciting things seemed to develop. Quaritch and his squad managed to catch one of the two natives of the Omatikayan.. In which another tried to come to rescue them, ending up with two. Something they could definitely use. One of them seemed rather difficult to handle, picking fights with specific recoms who originally lured them out.. But the other, was rather adjusted to the surroundings despite humans didnt seem to like the idea to have a native around. Since bridgehead was so extremely huge.. Muller hears about the 'rumors' of having a native on their side.. His eager and soft energy certainly wanted to have a chance if ever, to talk to him. He had so many questions.. Things he loved to ask. Despite he was a na'vi himself, he still had the biggest fascination to the natives.. Even if some of them, didnt like their association with them. He didnt know, or couldnt know, for he was just minding his business, gently checking half of the tubes full of the new recom units.. "All is stable." he softly said, smiling as he checked everything before heading back to his own lab. He got quite the space which he appreciated, but in the back of his head, he still felt a certain unknown.. Emptyness he couldnt quite figure just yet.

Being nearby his own lab, he wanted to hand out some data to some of the humans he had to work with, eventually seeing the native he heard about.. Out of pure fascination and admiration, he gently approached him.. He seemed to just look at some of the bigger screens. "Gosh.. Hi- I'm so sorry." Muller said in actual Na'vi.. Smiling. "You're a real.. Omatikayan.. Right. you must be Ka'am? If I'm not mistaken?" Muller gently asked, almost holding his hands together to see the rather warrior typed man turn to him. The beads in his mohawk like way of having his hair tied made a heavy noise.. Turning to him. For Ka'am looked at a rather excited scientist just from having a look at him. "you're from neytiri's family? i've heard rumors you were around but..-" Muller kept on talking in fluent na'vi, making Ka'am, who now had fully turned to the man instead of just his head.. Frown while responding in Na'vi. "i've not heard people speak about me" "OH nothing bad. I'm just, very honored to meet you. I see you" muller kept speaking in Na'vi, softly making the gesture from his head to show out of respect he saw Ka'am. Making the native tilt his head, as he looked down at the innocent looking scientist. Ka'am was taller than the man, and he seemed respectful.. Truly. "You are aware I can speak your language too right" Ka'am said serious, changing to english for Muller just had a soft "woah.." before harrumping. "I just felt like it was more fair to speak your language, since this is technically your territory." Muller said gently for, he invited Ka'am to his lab if he wanted, also because he just loved to see a full powerful native so closeby without wanting to kill him, which he would even understand.

Since Ka'am was quite looked at from the humans at this point, having a more respectful approach like Muller seemed better for his day. "I rather not be associated with them if you wouldnt mind by all means" Ka'am then said, for Muller frowned. "Associated with..?" "My family." "Oh- I- I'll note it down. I'm sorry if I-" Muller wanted to deeply apologize despite he certainly grew curiosity on why, but seeing Ka'am just make a gesture with his hand to say 'no need to continue' on his apologies.. For Muller understood right away. "So.. Were you looking for anything specific? I saw you try and figure your way, these things can be a hassle, even for me" Muller said kind, having noticed Ka'am was slightly searching for something. Ka'am could certainly tell the man was intelligent, on how he could read ka'am's intentions.. But since he really wasnt trying to get into Ka'am's business, he felt like Muller could actually help him. "I was.. Or well. do me a favor.. Can you look up old.. I believe they're recordings or field recordings. Quaritch wanted some, and since he's busy-" "So considerate- Let me actually see if I can get into it.. Since I'm just a .. Scientist. Not really like security or stuff like that" Muller said as he really was as innocent as he sounded. He wasn't JUST a scientist, but the man never bragged and was honest.. Sometimes he might even belittle himself on accident.. The man was never too kind though.. He knew where to stand his ground, but with Ka'am, he was just so fascinated, trying to help the best way. He was so impressed by the natives, and Ka'am was certainly a lovely example in his eyes. Perhaps even slightly scary to some, which Muller respected completely.

He gently put his card through the computer, seeing he in fact did have access. "Ah, there you go. I'll leave you to it" The man said as he gently sat down at a different desk near it, hearing Ka'am lean forward with his arms on the desk, watching the screens as the the braid from Ka'am, falling over his own shoulder to the front, made a noise that you could just hear was quite heavy. For some odd reason it made Muller smile. He loved having a native near, it just fueled his nerdy hype about the reason be became a scientist. The rather big smile almost on Muller's face took Ka'am's attention.. It wasnt like.. A fascination to his body or such, just the mere fact he was around. He turned to Muller once, for the man wanted to explain himself the second Ka'am did. "Must be heavy right? All those intricate beads.. with their possible traditions and stories" Muller said for Ka'am stood more straight instead of watching the screens. "It almost sounds you've never seen one like myself this close have you..?" The man said with a frown, for his voice was definitely lower than that of Muller. "Must be obvious right.. Indeed I havent. You caught me there. I apologize for it. Well, We've seen your kind from afar, let alone.. One that speaks to you, even in english, though I wouldnt mind to switch to Na'vi again" Muller said for Ka'am just nodded once.

"Quaritch isnt so fluent in Na'vi, so I might as well at times speak your language when its possible." Ka'am said rather serious, before Ka'am actually found something on the security footage after some searching. Something Quaritch most likely needed. "This. How can I obtain this" "Oh on a USB or? I can do that for you" Muller said as he stood up, putting it into the system that Ka'am was going through, putting the specific bit without checking what it was onto it. "That should do it.. Anything else you might need?" Muller was so helpful.. As at moments like this, infront of Ka'am for the first time, he almost forgot he was a na'vi himself. It was still something to get used to.

Ka'am noticed the genuine help.. But as the man helped him. He just never wanted to owe someone anything.. Being a loner and tricky man like he was. He just never wanted to have strings attached.. So having noticed the man's pure nerdy behavior which was what the humans called it.. Ka'am thought of a perfect solution..

"here. May this fill your fascination that you have for our kind" Ka'am said rather serious than thankful.. putting a very special carved bead onto the table they were standing at.. Making Muller who softly took it.. Just gasp. The bead was from hometree.. as Ka'am was slowly pushing himself further away from his original roots due to complications, it seemed like a win win So.. Now he was standing even.

"Are you serious... This is a bead from hometree. You get to make these when you- suceed within your tribe with a greater good" Muller said for Ka'am certainly was surprised but didnt show it. This man definitely knew alot. But hearing the man be so happy with it, he just nodded once in a 'just take it. and dont bother me about it' before he left, leaving Muller so excited about it.. "I gotta sample this in the lab later.." He whispered, before softly putting it into the pocket of his pants, slowly realizing that surprisingly along all this, he seemed to have access to much more than he originally thought with his RDA card that he always had with him.. He realized he might be able to dig into more stuff if he wanted to.. and as innocent as the man seemed, that dark empty hole he kept on feeling whether it was in his chest or head.. started munching more upon his curiosity. The mental wall was slowly breaking after months, and this sudden realization might grow worse

Muller was always rather fast with delivering what everyone asked. As mentioned before he was one of the best scientists around while people felt like he didnt live up to that title when it came to his looks.. But the man had brains and was a complex and well developed human who now was a na'vi. Brought back by the RDA. He knew something bad should've happened after a few weeks, but it seemed it was almost normal that everyone came back.. So, maybe his 'older' self.. would still be around, despite not having seen it yet

For he was done doing what he was asked to, muller's curiosity finally bit the bullet.. Sliding his card through the monitor to eventually start digging deeper into the system. After alot of trouble he ended up within the older files of their place before bridgehead was a thing.. Remembering a slight piece of it in the back of his mind. He rememberd selfridge.. A dirty asshole who never showed mercy, and he rememberd everyone he worked with before, including closer contacts he met along the way. Sighing as he went deeper and deeper into thr system, being alone in his lab, he frowned as he seemed to have found 'doctor muller. Confidental' files.. Without much hesitation he clicked on them, noticing a complex password was upon his files. Like said, he wasnt stupid. but now what.. What would he possibly have done as a password. It took a few tries even for him, and as a clone it was already complex enough.. But finally, he cracked it, seeing a lot of recordings of the first days..

He watched some of them, remembering it now, much clearer in his head. Being excited about plants, and hearing the avatar program Grace started was slowly becoming reality. Muller in the day was a young man, who was overly excited when he heard he was allowed to come to pandora to contribute with his intelligence. The second grace and him met, it was like a perfect match. Norm was fantastic too, but Muller ended up being more in the background, doing a lot of genetic research on the avatar bodies. Digging deeper into the DNA of things. The videos started off like a beautiful memory lane, even some videos where some squad members entered, asking how Muller was doing.. One in particular.. As the sudden connection was made in his brain. A happy little push, which made Muller smile for a second.. but as he went down and down.. Some videos, he couldnt remember. The aura was dark from the preview videos, but he did decide to click on one of the last ones, seeing right after most files were broken.

"This is day 799.. It seems Jake sully tried to convince them to leave. Everything is chaos right now. I dont know what he wants to do.. They're asking us to do horrible things. But selfridge and everyone else is doing the worst of things. They made hometree fall.. They killed it.. They put down grace's lab completely. At this rate I dont know what will happen. I dont know if I can do what they're asking of me.. Its not what I signed up for, but I dont want trouble either.".

Muller stopped the video there, closing it as he felt like it was getting worse.

"Day 805.. Just a few days apart, but its war.. I dont even blame the natives. They killed everything. This is not what I signed up for. The RDA, they're reckless.. I cant seem to see enough of whose behind this, but all we know is that most are prepared to fight, while me and the rest.. We want to leave the natives alone.. Unoptanium cannot be the reason we're doing this.. I.." Muller sighed so deeply on the video.. Seeing the human version of himself was odd too.. But he didnt know it could go worse from here..

"Day 806.." muller heard the audio.. He heard his own human version, sniffing from crying.. It was wrecking his stomach. "I dont know if this will ever reach the systems. The whole unit is collapsing.. I dont know if I will make it out alive myself, but you might ask yourselves while I'm here." The tone of his voice, was making Muller shiver, not touching the screens anymore as he let it go. "Curran.. Protected me.. From all chaos a few hours ago.. And now, here we are.. He passed away in my arms. I saw him die, right infront of me. And you know whats the worse part. I'm here, risking my life to do what you filfty bastards asked me to." Muller said as the anger he never showed popped up, his eyes full of tears on the video.

"If you are smart and if you ever see this, all of you, from the RDA.. You better not bring me back if I dont survive this.. As the chances of me surving alone here are small from the looks of it, but I have nothing to loose anymore, nothing to moarn over anymore as all you did was break me and...." Muller on the video couldnt even finish his sentence anymore, mentioning how the love of his life died in his arms was already too much.. "Unless you cold, horrendous people dare to pull me back. I never signed up for this when I was brought to pandora, for you all to murder them like.. A pest purely for your own good and money. I know I never seem threatening, and it might look like an easy game for you guys.. But i'm so.." Muller said on the video as the tears flew down his cheeks.. The heartache was unbearable.. "I dont want to be a part of this.. My life is nothing without him.." Muller said as he laughed once with the tears in his eyes. "Its almost funny.. To think the RDA, made me meet Curran in the first place which supposedly, was one of the best things that happened to me.. And now, you.. Make me end up erasing his mind because I was threatened to, right?" Muller said as his tears in video kept on flowing again. "If I didnt do it, you guys would.. so no win for me I suppose" Muller said defeated, swallowing. "you all dared me to take away that core memory.. so he can be a weapon for your new plan as this one failed.. Can you even sympathize with what I just described.. well. Of course not. Since you all have turned into killers, with no mercy. Having control over us all" Muller said as his crying made talking difficult. "Goodluck with that. I really hope, for you all, that you will not throw me back into this hellpit, as a recom" the man said almost threatening, hearing more of the building break apart.. As soon as he had sent off the DNA sample a second before.. "Its done.. Its sent off. So it might as well be done for me too." Muller said as he wanted to predict his own fate almost, before hearing more and more of the building collapse.. Muller watched his own human self, still try and get out of the mess, but before it completelt collapsed, the video broke and stopped recording.

Muller felt all his flashbacks occur in the back of his mind. Everything came back.. Every single detail that was captured in his DNA for the recom project. Popped up. It was taken before the huge accident he just watched, but seeing it all.. Was the last drop for him. He was frozen, he felt and heard the pain his human version already was going through. He rememberd Curran, of the most expertise Units he ever met.. He rememberd how they met, how they got along, how they fell in love.. and worst of all, now how he lost him. The realization hit him as well, that there was a chance Curran would be brought back as a recom, as the RDA asked him? as sickening as possible, to adjust his DNA sample with his memories, to have no hiccups. No emotional interuptions.. He rememberd it all now.. He rememberd the most difficult conversation he ever had in life.. How they were planning to make the recom program. But also knew about the relation Muller had to the incredible squad part that Curran was..

"We dont care what you think.. Emotional influences like that can make a soldier fall.. So whats the use if we would bring them back in such a state. Its misleading. If you wont take it out of his system Muller before sending it off to the recom system to have it imprinted on him, then we will. Its either you, or us"....

The sentences echoed in his brain.. Muller slowly stood up from the table after closing all tabs, making sure they were gone, before falling on his butt on the ground, holding himself as he was shivering.. Tears flew down his cheeks, as he couldnt make a noise, he was so frozen, as his emotions were all over. Muller held his own head after a while, unable to get a grip on himself for it all hit him too badly.. Worst part was that he knew about the conversation all too well, he remembered it now, but to have figured the two eventually died most likely since he could hear and see the building was about to collapse when Muller was still there.. Still trying to make it, in which Curran died for Muller to protect him.. Was something his heart couldnt bear.

The chances were there.. That Curran could eventually be part of the recom group, meaning if they'd ever come across each other, it would be a man.. That wouldnt have a single clue about Muller. Everything they experienced, build up.. Was gone, and out of all people, muller had to take it away from him..

Muller sat there for the longest of time, his own glasses had fallen off as he had sunken his own head into his arms that he held himself with at last.. Trying to give it a spot, but it was so hard to bear. Though as powerful as the man was, after a few hours, he managed to slowly push himself up, as his tail was wrapped around him.. Trying to breathe. He almost felt out of spite, the RDA brought him back.. It was definitely something Muller wanted to talk about eventually if he got himself a bit back together, but he just experienced his whole life in a few minutes. The emptyness now made sense.. for Curran wasnt in his life anymore, as so it seemed. He was just another scientist nessesairy for their things.. But Muller was not agreeing with it. He didnt dare to check the lists of Recoms anymore at this point.. He hadnt seen curran anywhere, so maybe.. just maybe it would give him a break for a bit. "Its.. Its late Muller.. You need to.. Sleep." He said to himself to calm down, despite it felt impossible.. He would eventually try and argue with the RDA, but for now, he needed some time for himself. He knew picking up work was the best he could do first thing tomorrow morning.. but this would definitely need time to process. The man was very smart, abd despite this was tough for him to do.. he knew trying to continue his 'new life' would've been the best to do.. so he tried that, despite his emotions at times like waves and flashbacks would sit him wrong.. Of course he didnt want to forget about curran.. He was everything that he could wish for.. But it was tough to hear whatbhappened.. but that wouldnt stop the man from working and possibly doing things he did want to do.. whats the worst that could happen now?...

[3dayweeknd]

heres another stupid vent. very specific kinda graphic at some point(s) pretty much for my eyes only. tw: themes of s/a or sexual trauma, themes of body image/insecurity, depression, s/h, hospitalization, mental health, immplication of violence ?? idk

why does my brain choose the most random times to remind me of literally the worst memories i have. like not even related to each other or related to what im doing. im gonna write it here cuz i dont feel like telling anyone here's all the worst memories my brain posses a) the worst fight i can remember my parents having i was in elementary school probably not older than like 7 and they were fighting in the car and my dad said something that really made me scared and i've never told anyone what he said because its really scary and i think that was one of the first times i remember being terrified of him. i fear being with a man because any man could say what he said to my mother that day any man could do what he said and its terrifying because we were in a moving car too so if i was ever in that situation i wouldnt have an escape. i've been scared watching my parents fight plenty but the fight in the car is something i am too afraid to tell anyone about. b) my ex sticking their finger inside me without my consent. i closed my eyes and was in so much pain and they took my writhing in pain as a sign of pleasure. so when they were done they said see you liked it. so you must not be asexual. because i thought i was asexual at that time and my ex thought it was appropriate that they be the person to try to convince me otherwise. c) same ex. begged me to suck them off. i said i was scared. and i said i was scared i would choke. i did not get any reassurance and i did not get any "okay we can do something else". i got a shush because what if their mom hears me talking about head and then more pleading. followed by head pushing. in which i tried to resist because I was terrified and i was disgusted and i tried to force myself back up but could not and they kept going. i wish i did choke. i wish i choked and threw up and scraped them and cried and let someone hear. d) being pressured into allowing head and then being told i "really stank". ok bitch i didnt want you in my pants in the first place i was 15. e) im literally still talking about the same partner. was asked when the last time i shaved or waxed my peach fuzz was. my peach fuzz is my #1 insecurity like ever since i was in kindergarten. i said i havent in a while. i was severely depressed and was not taking care of myself. they said yeah its obvious and i was overdue for a shave or wax. f) being talked to about buying condoms because ex said "i assume we're going to have sex eventually". still, i was 15. i thought i was asexual. i was severely depressed. i did not want to have sex. but i was not asked. g) ex pleaded me to masturbate over facetime. when i was 15. living at an inpatient hospital. because of how depressed i was. i was so fucking tired i was so tired of faking it. i pretended and i was bad at pretending at that point i just wanted it to stop. and they said why do you look like that. oh maybe because im tired of pretending for you. maybe because i was where i was because i couldnt find comfort in you and found comfort in cutting myself maybe because you were the worst partner ever i dont care if we were just kids. many other 16 year olds have been better partners. these memories are mostly about my 1st ex and i know its been years but i still hurt. i'm better than i was but i still hurt and im still angry and i still feel 15 and scared sometimes. anyway. not sure why my brain decided to remember all of these at the same time stupid fucking brain

[wisepidgeon]

up and down

i woke up yesterday sad but i was alright but today i woke up and suicidal and that sucks because i know that its gonna be ok but my brain doesnt think so the doubt says no its not gonna be ok you gotta just give up and honestly its tempting but i know im on the right path because even tho i dont see it my family all say that i am i think im just hurting alot

let me tell you about my ex we will call her red as that was the color of half her hair when we met

red and i met on the last day of school like after we had walked the stage and everything i saw her on the graduation practice and told myself if i saw her i would say something to her she was way out of my league i had thought at the time a beautiful girl who had a get scared shirt on and low and behold i got the chance when i had to go into the office to grab something she was there so i stood there and talked to her for a minute i told her that her shirt was really cool and i had used to listen to the and then i saw her mcr backpack and said i liked them too we exchanged names and this was new for me but i remembered her name for a few days afterward and in that time i had

something strange about her is that in the short conversation we had it triggered some painful memories like ptsd almost thats the best way i could describe it

a friend saying that someone on his Instagram was looking for me and that he didnt know her very well and i was like oh no is it that one crazy chick who i pissed off because i had done that recently but no it was red and so i looked red up on instagram it wasnt easy but i did it and i gave her a friend request and sent a selfie with a message somewhere along the line of i dont know if your the person i think you are but if you are you should remember my name "bird" not my name but yeah

she did but the selfie didnt go through so we decided to meet at a park i knew was around but had never been too we talked and hung out for a while we listened to music and she showed me leave me alone by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME who i had never listened to before and i thought it was her way of telling me to fuck off because ive been broken up with in a similar way

after that we had talked for a while gotten to know each other better and she ended up taking my virginity and we got together a little while later then after about a week after that she cheated on my with her ex it was alot more complicated than that but its fair to put it that way i wanted her but was scared to lose her and she wasnt over him and in a way i had let it happen although she broke the rules an so her and i agree it was cheating and she kept at it telling me that the she wasnt willing to give him up for me i never forgave her for this but i was too scared to leave her behind and we had a consert to go to in a month or two in texas so i tried but i never did trust her after that

i wanted to oh gods i wanted to i gave her a lot of chances to gain my trust back but as i grew angrier and more depressed by the situation i became the problem and i started lying to her and being manipulative toward her honestly there was no love on my end at that point but the sex was nice and i was scared to be alone and im a selfish cunt so yeah

i ended making her stop talking with him on a technicality of a deal we had made that if there was anything i didnt know past present or future that had bee sexual with her ex from after the time of her and i getting together that she would have to block her and never talk to him again i was angry when i looked through her phone and found that she had sent him and i the same nudes and that was the first id ever been sent nudes before and it hurt well nude by someone i had known at least but i think thats why i never cared when she did it later in life anyway she had a panic attack about it but ended up giving him up and keeping me which i made very clear was her choice that night she could have me or she could have him it was up to her

later on i was mad at my mom and my family in general so i made up a story about me being kicked out of the house and asked her for help she helped me out gave me a place to stay in her moms car her apartment was full like 4 kids 5 adults in a two bedroom her brother had moved in and it was bad over all but i made the best of it

i was eventually made to move out and so i called my mom and worked on stuff with my mom because i had damaged that relationship but red was no longer allowed in my room because my mom said so i at this point didnt know what to do i started to love her again but i was still very much hurt over the entire situation with her ex a while back i still havent gottent over in properly in almost three years although i can say i dont think she has ever cheated on me

i got an apartment and moved in with her and that was really fun at first we lived there for 11 months the complex was doing renovations so they gave us the option when i told them i was gonna struggle with the last months rent i had been getting help from an charatable organization but we didnt really take care of the place and we didnt wanna work so it was hard we grew angery with each other and my lying about alot of my problems like porn addiction became a real problem one i still deal with but its been easier now i think

we had really high good times and really low bad ones and i was always scared of being hurt again i felt like she had never appologied enough for what she had done and i had never been ready to listen to her and so we just hurt each other over and over again

those 11 months ended and we went back to her moms place where there was now 1 adult living there 3 including us but it was no easier her mom is the kind of person who has alot of things she wants dont and feels like its owed to her that those things are done for her she is also someone who manipulates her daughter into feeling sorry for her and staying around i would know i dont really have room to speak on that one

i had a few jobs in and out of work but it was always short i never could find something i liked but i needed to pay her mom some money every month eventually tho the endless stress of being there got to both of us we i asked her if she thought being with me was worth it she said no which broke my heart because i loved her even if all we did was argue and fight i still loved her and wanted her i just couldnt deal with everything that was going on at that point so we broke up and i still hate myself for pushing her away like i did

i moved out a little while later we kept in touch i was angry but i still love her and wanted her back she told me she fucked someone else about a week after we had broken up and i thought that was funny she fucked someone else in one week after we had gotten together and one week after we had broken up seems like a pattern to me but what do i know

anyway her and i started talking and having sex again and i told her i wanted her back this was a few days ago and she said thats no chance and you should just give up and thats why i am currently sucidal i think because i have to give up on someone that i love i have to let them go and i have to move on and im not ready i dont want to and it hurts i wanted to learn to grow with her not with out her i wanted to marry this girl i still do really i still love her and im not ok and thats ok it has to be ok because if its not then im lost and dont think ill ever be found again im crying while writing this which sucks alot theres a part of me that never wants to feel this pain ever again but thats the part of me who got us here in the first place isnt it

if i could do it all over again i would still be a virgin and we would have stopped being friend after i asked her out and she said yes and when i asked her if the meant she would stop fucking her ex and she "said do i have to?" it would have ended there because honestly that should be the end point of any relationship

alright you fucking babys stop crying already thats my job xoxo stay safe live fast but die old and gray

[star-ver]

im coming down from a weak and lame high and my period started so im all emotional and i just gotta get all my emotion out while i can feel it at all.

TW VENT

i am so lonely. my boyfriend and i dont communicate well at all but we just got together and i shouldnt have accepted but i did so i feel too bad to break up with him. i dont love him. i like him as a friend, but nothing more. the only reason i really hung out with him anyway was a mutual friend and the fact that i felt skinnier around him. my best friend at school spends tons of time talking with him and theyre each others best friends. i want romance so bad. i want the feeling that not allowed makes me feel. i want to be understood and loved and i want to cry into someones shoulder and have them stroke my hair and tell me its not my fault my life is falling apart and that its okay to need a break. i cant be vulnerable to either of my parents and im not close enough with any of my friends to be open about my life with them. even my art teacher, the person i would probably be most comfortable talking about this with, is a mandatory reporter so i cant tell him about half of my problems. maybe i should just have him ask my parents to admit me. i might fare better in the loonhouse, honestly. i have nobody.

half of my life is crumbling, my and my mom's housemate who we depend on for half of rent has terminal cancer. in 2-3 months we're going to have to find a room mate or we wont be able to make rent for the last 6 months of the lease. after those 6 months well almost certainly have to move somewhere. i stay with my mom half time. i really want to live with my dad full time but i cant exactly tell my mother who is already convinced everyone wants to leave her that i want to leave her too. she has hurt me so much. she deadnames me every time i see her. she gave me this disorder and probably more im too numb to realize im losing to.

i get high so often just to cope with all this that im almost out and i barely get high at all anymore. i genuinely dont know what ill do. i wont make it through a month long t-break. i need to get more or find a different coping mechanism. i cant quit. i wont be open about my age here but i am definitely too young to be smoking pot and far far too young to be dependent on it. god i wish i could be a normal teenager. my memory is completely fried and i cant even remember what i was doing 2 hours ago 90% of the time. its my reputation at school, laid back forgetful stoner kid. its a cry for help is what it is, that i cant get through even 4 days without having to drown my problems in drugs. i wish my friends would notice instead of thinking im funny. im really fucking struggling. i tried alc a few days ago and i know its only a matter of time before i get addicted to that too.

both my households are broke. my dad has a good job and hes still more broke than normal. my mom put all our money into govt bonds, then our housemate got injured at work and had to stay home. he never healed because shocker, he has cancer. he probably wont live past february.

im so fucking bad at being ano. i binge almost every time i smoke from munchies and impaired decision making. i barely lose any weight because of it. ill restrict all day then i smoke to settle down and i eat everything and then wake up with my progress ruined feeling gross. the worst part is that i forced myself into this as punishment for being fat. i didnt develop it. something in my crazy ass brain decided to indulge in my self hatred and just opt for dying over self love and healthy weight loss. worst yet is that i forced myself into it and i cant even stick to it. im a fucking failure. i cant love myself and i cant fix myself. im just doomed to hate my current form that i cant shake because i cant restrict low enough for change. i want to sew my lips shut and live in my room living off of vape and black coffee like the good obedient people in thinspi. they have discipline. theyre skinny. theyre loved. theyre worshipped. they have everything i want. i try so hard to be good. i try so hard. most of my day is spent thinking about my weight and calories and how much i burn walking around vs sitting down. im gonna be home for 2 weeks in a few days and i am not going to lose any weight the whole time because i have no discipline and ill be home all day.

a few days ago in math class i got so fed up i took a pencil and scratched my skin until it was a bright red scrape. i was clean for like 6 months. and now i want to do it more, as a punishment. i want to be visually sick. i want people to look at me and want to help me, ask me if im doing okay, offer me a granola bar because i look faint. i want to look as sick as i feel. i feel pressured to sh because its the only way to show how fucked up i am on the inside. its another cry for help. its just another example of me wanting to sit in between recovery and death.

and lastly, i forgot my phone at my dads house and we never went to get it. this is how i felt all of 2020 when my phone got taken away because i was too tired and depressed to get any work done. its fucking terrible. now its almost 6 in the morning and i have to be up by 10am to get it, fuck fuck fuck. whatever. im about to fall asleep. thats enough girlblogging. goodnight/morning tumblr.

[miraneko19]

Okay, been at least 24 hours since the chapter release now but still stop reading if you dont want spoilers for One Piece Chapter 1060!

First, what everyone is talking about basically- can we PLEASE stop getting Sabo caught up in explosions?? Please?? Seriously?? The mans been through ENOUGH of these, how much explosion trauma from the world government until theyre satisfied!! He just keeps dying and its time to stop this madness, give him a break and an entire bottle of champagne!!

but surprisingly im not all THAT worried about Sabo.. theres a part of me that just KNOWS theres something going on there. Sabo made it out and got away, but got away from WHAT is my question?? At first when the spoilers came out, between the new pacifistas and the supposed thundering I started freaking out because I thought Enel was coming back. But now after seeing the chapter.. it looks a lot MORE like an ancient weapon?? I always thought the WG had uranus on their side, though I didnt know HOW to solidify that in my head since all the ancient weapons are supposed to be PEOPLE. Does that mean Imu is Uranus?? Or someone else all together, WHAT is going on here?? Especially since ancient weapons so FAR have had control over some kind of creatures: Podeidon -> sea kings

Pluton -> Zunesha/giant elephants (? Unconfirmed)

Uranus -> ????

Yet, throughout all this, this chapter was SUCH a wild ride that my mind hadnt even been occupied by these by the time I finished it!! No, i was LOSING my fucking SHIT over Luffys dream!! Like YOUNG MAN what do you MEAN youve had another dream BESIDES being the pirate king and becoming the freest man in the world?!? MY BRAIN had been in SHAMBLES trying to figure OUT what the hell is going on!! But my panicking lasted a good 30min before I remembered.. WAIT, right, I still havent looked it up to confirm because lazy but wasnt Joy Boys dream something about uniting all of the races?? Which is why he tried so hard to bring the fishmen to the sun?? Thinking about that, it would make sense if Luffys devil fruit, not long after Luffy had eaten it, sort of confessed that dream subconsciously to his mind only for Luffy to take it on and decide to make it come TRUE. And it makes SENSE, because imagine this seven year old telling you with such DETERMINATION that they wanted to hold a party with EVERYONE in the world??? Shanks would definitely laugh himself to tears over that, it sounds CRAZY but its so luffy and him being HIM.. Luffy could do it. Unite all the races and encourage a party- who knows, maybe the reveal of that dream is WHY Uta was now introduced, as someone who can also unite people through song. These are my thoughts and predictions so far, ALTHOUGH.. Zoro also bringing up not underestimating vivi like Luffy had done for Ace like. BRO

ONE, Ace was WAAYYY stronger than Luffy at the time he wouldve just dragged his older brother DOWN big time

And TWO, even WITHOUT that, look at how WELL that went in the FIRST PLACE?? The mans traumatized!! Of course he would want to help vivi, and not ONLY that, as much as I adore vivi and want to put MAD respect on her strength, it IS the job of a pirate captain to GO to their crew whenever they are in danger!! Let him go you stupid mossman im supposed to love!! Jajwkahsgsjwkjwksjshdaagdjee

Ive been SCREAMING and my minds going to keep screaming until the next chapter comes!!

[smnthwrd]

im currently hyperfixating on the movie flipped and since theres not nearly enough of a fandom on here to follow i decided to say fuck it and write mini fan fiction type thing to get out some of my feelings, so yeah heres some backstory:

basically this is set after they graduate highschool. juli gets into a college thats across the country, as well as an opportunity to study abroad, but bryce doesnt get into the same school. they talk about it a lot and eventually make the really hard decision that julis going to go and theyre going to take a break while theyre apart. so here it is:

dont go.

i wanted to tell her, dont go. but i couldnt make myself, i dont know why. maybe i wanted to let her go; to know that i wasnt going to be the one to stop her from experiencing the world she had always dreamed of. id like to believe my reasons were that selfless. But the truth is, i was just afraid. i was afraid that if i aksed her to stay, and she did, she would grow to resent me for it. even more than that, i was afraid that if i asked her to stay, she would say no. that she would say i wasnt worth it, that she wasnt going to let a silly thing like young love stop her from seeing the world.

i dont think i could bear to hear her tell me im not worth it.

i wanted to tell juli baker that i loved her, and i had since the moment we first held hands as kids, when i ignorantly thought id be spending my whole life trying to get rid of her. i wanted to tell her that if she left right now to go see that big beautiful world, she would be breaking my heart into a thousand pieces, and that i would never again find someone who could occupy all the parts of my brain the way she does. i wanted to tell her that wherever she was, was wherever i wanted--no, needed to be, and that if she wouldnt stay with me, well then i would just get on that train and ride with her all the way across the earth, so long as i could stay by her side.

but i didnt.

maybe she was right all those years ago. maybe i am a coward. after all, ive always been afraid of conflict. id rather just stay quiet and smile along as people say whatever rude things come to their minds than stand up to them and tell them theyre wrong, and risk causing any discomfort. ive gotten better, though, thanks to juli. she makes me want to be better, to make a difference. she showed me that i can stand up for myself and others, and that i dont have to sit back and listen to people tell me who i am or what i want. thanks to juli baker, i wasnt so afraid anymore. but that wasnt enough this time.

"dont you go forgetting about me, juli baker," i faked a half-smile.

she rolled her eyes.

"i couldnt even if i tried, bryce losky." with a smile she turned around and began to make her way up the steps to enter the bus.

"juli! wait," i burst out just a moment before she was lost behind the bus doors. her head snapped back, showing a look of slight concern. i paused, trying to muster what courage i could. "do you remember back when we were kids, you told me i had been walking around with your first kiss?"

her face flushed before she answered with a shy smile, "yeah, why?"

"well you see, the thing is..." i kicked at the gravel, silently telling myself not to screw this up. i almost laughed thinking about how flustered she could make me, even after all these years. "Well, its my belief that you, juli baker, are walking around with my last kiss." her eyes lit up with a smile, and she pushed her hair behind her ear with a small chuckle. i was smiling too. "Now feel free to hold onto it while you go change the world, but dont forget to bring it back here when youre done."

her smile widened as the bus driver's voice echoed through the station, shouting a last call. she hesitated for a moment, glancing back at the annoyed driver, before she hopped off the bus and hurriedly pranced towards me to plant one long, sweet kiss on my cheek before turning swiftly back around and bouncing up the steps once again. This time she only stopped for a moment to look back at me with that beautiful smile of hers, and then disappeared behind the bus doors.

a bittersweet feeling washed over me as i watched her pass through the windows of the bus, coming in and out of view as she scanned the aisles for an empty seat.

she was leaving. my juli, was leaving to go see the world.

and i was staying here, watering a sycamore tree and waiting for her to return, hoping and praying that she wouldnt find someone out there who was better than me, or more worldly, or less afraid to speak up. devastated as i was, there was an undeniable feeling in the front of my mind that told me not to worry. juli baker was walking around with my last kiss, and someday she would be walking around with a ring on her finger to prove it.

I smiled at that thought. my ring on juli bakers finger. or, i suppose it would be juli losky? either way, i knew that image would carry me through the next four years apart from her.

ultimately i know that it was a good thing i didnt ask her to stay. studying abroad, seeing the world, it was her dream, and she needed to follow it. but i always wonder what she would have said if i could have just gotten out those two words: dont go.

[atlabeth]

neighborly things - sokka x fem!reader

summary: reader can’t make things for shit. thankfully, she has a cute and crafty neighbor willing to help her. 

a/n: im so sorry lmao. i have requests and i have 2 series that havent been updated in like a month but sometimes i just need to write a stupid little oneshot to get back in the writing mood. i did this in an hour 

im not a screwdriver expert so dont come at me if some of this info is wrong lmao 

wc: 1.6k 

warning(s): some cursing but otherwise pure fluff. also i didnt proofread im SORRY im pretty sure they laugh grin and smile like 200 times 

-

“Dammit!” 

 Anyone unfortunate enough to have a place near you during this time would have heard the phrase on more than twenty occasions, and it wasn’t even noon yet. You had gotten the parts in the mail to put together a new dresser a couple days ago, and had finally decided to take on the task. You didn’t know if it was because you were inexperienced with furniture or just lacked basic comprehension skills, but it was proving to be no less than Herculean. 

 You threw the screwdriver at the wall and fell back to the floor as you let your arms sprawl out above you. You had been trying to screw in a part for no less than thirty minutes, and if a miracle didn’t happen right about now, you were going to lose your mind. 

Your head snapped towards the door when she heard a knock, and your brows creased. “God?” You muttered as you got up, wondering if you had actually thought a miracle into existence. 

 You weren’t greeted by a deity when you opened the door, but the man standing in front of you was pretty damn close. With ocean blue eyes, hair pulled back in a ponytail with shaved sides, and toned arms, he was a sight to behold. But you had no idea why he was in front of your door. 

 “Hey, are you okay?” He questioned, genuine concern in his tone. 

 “Um, yeah, why?” You were trying to rack your brain for any memory of this guy — because you knew you would remember him if you had seen him before — but to no avail. “Also, who are you and why are you here?”

 “Right,” he chuckled. “My name’s Sokka. I’m your neighbor; I live—” he gestured at the door just next to your place, “—over there. Moved in a couple weeks ago, so that’s probably why you don’t know me. I’ve just been hearing a lot of cursing and loud noises coming from your place, so I figured I would stop in and see what was going on.” 

 “Oh. That’s.. very considerate of you, Sokka. I’m just…” you sighed and chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all. “I’m just trying to put together a dresser, and it’s not going well at all. That latest sound you heard was the culmination of my rage. I threw a screwdriver at the wall.” 

 “Yeah, that’ll do it,” he laughed. “Listen. I don’t wanna intrude on you or anything, but I happen to be pretty good at putting things together. I had to do a lot of furniture construction when I first moved in, plus I’m the one all my friends call when they need help with putting anything together. I could probably help you with whatever’s troubling you.”  

 “Are you serious?” 

 “Oh, no. I just go door to door joking around with people, asking if they need help with their furniture, sometimes I ask if their refrigerator is running? It really gets a kick out of them.” 

 You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly and stepped aside so he could enter your apartment. “Thank you so much, Sokka. I’ve read the instructions a million times, I seriously don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” 

 He crouched down and picked up the manual, turning to a dog-eared page and skimming over the instructions. He pointed at the screwdriver you had thrown against the wall and glanced back at you. “Is that the one you’ve been using?” 

 You closed and locked the door behind him then walked over to the wall, picking up the unfortunate victim of your anger and spinning it in your hands. “Yeah, why?” 

 “Do you know what kind it is?” 

 “Um.. maybe? God, I don’t know. I think it’s a Phillip’s head?” 

 Sokka laughed and shook his head, holding up the manual so you could see it. “That’s where you’re going wrong. You need a Pozidriv for these screws — they’re similar enough that anyone can make a mistake.”

 You stared at Sokka in complete amazement — apparently, your savior lived next door, and he came in the form of a handsome guy with basic knowledge on putting furniture together. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you said as you walked over and took the booklet from himl. You flipped through it a couple times and read over the part, shaking your head in disbelief. 

 “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” you repeated, louder this time. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get that thing to- to work, to screw, to�� whatever you call it?” 

 “It’s actually to—”

 “Thirty minutes!” You interrupted, earning a small chuckle from Sokka. “Thirty damn minutes that I have been trying to get that screw in, and it’s all because I was using the wrong screwdriver. Why would they make screwdrivers that are so similar but aren’t interchangeable?!” 

 He shrugged and held up his hands. “Don’t ask me — I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. But like I said; this dresser might fall apart if you keep using this thing. I actually have a Pozidriv back at my place, I can go get it and we can finish this up together.” 

 “God, that would be the biggest help,” you admitted. “But I don’t wanna take up your time — I don’t know how I would even repay you.” 

 “I’m doing this because I want to help you,” he said. “You don’t have to repay me. Think of it as… as a neighborly thing.” 

 “A neighborly thing?” you repeated with a laugh. “Well, if you’re offering, I’m definitely not going to refuse.” 

 “I am offering,” Sokka winked. “And unless you want to be at this for another three days, I think you should take that offer.” 

 You pretended to deliberate over it before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess I’ll let you help me. I mean, really you should be thanking me for this brilliant opportunity to, um.. hone your skills.” 

 He laughed, a brilliant sound that made your heart sing, and nodded as he went back to the door. “Thank you so much for letting me put together this dresser. Truly, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

 “Then I’m happy to be of assistance.” 

 Sokka grinned then unlocked and opened the door. “I’ll be right back, then we can get started.”

 -

 Once he got back, the two of you got to work. The next three hours passed so quickly as you and Sokka talked about everything from the work you did to people in your lives (no girlfriend, thankfully), to exchanging stories — even the silence, though rare, was comfortable. 

 Sokka pushed the last drawer into its place then clapped his hands as he stood up, admiring the fruits of your labor. “And that’s it! We’re done.”

 “Wait, we’re done? Already?” You set down the instruction manual and stood up as well, backing up to Sokka’s position to see what he saw. “Wow, that looks.. that looks just like the picture. We are good at this! Well, you’re really good at this, I’m good at keeping you entertained. But still!” 

 You held your hand up for a high five and he laughed, but not without meeting it with a satisfying clap. 

 “It does look pretty good,” he admitted. “And not only do you have a brand new, fully functioning dresser, you also had the priceless experience of spending three hours with the neighbor you know nothing about.” 

 “That’s not true,” you countered. “I know that you’re really good at putting things together, you’re a genius when it comes to anything math or science, and you hate blueberries.” 

 Sokka snickered and brushed his hands off on his jeans. “That’s everything there is to know.” 

 “I dunno, Sokka. You seem like a pretty interesting guy.”

 “Really?”

 “Yeah. It’s not every day that someone offers to put together a whole dresser just because they feel bad.”

 “Well—” he tore off a blank part of the instruction manual and picked up a spare pen from the counter, then put it up against the wall as he scribbled something on it. Sokka put the pen down and handed the slip of paper to you with a smile. “If you ever need any more help with furniture, then call me.” 

 You could feel your cheeks heat up as you took the paper. Your fingers brushed ever so slightly as you took the slip of paper, and you decided to just go for it. You bit back a grin and tried to sound as innocuous as possible. “And if I want to get to know you beyond the blueberries?” 

 Sokka laughed and leaned against the doorframe. “Definitely call me.”  

 “Great.” 

 The two of you smiled at each other like idiots for way too long before a notification from his phone broke the silence. He jumped from the sudden noise and dug his phone out of his pocket, giving you an apologetic look. “Sorry, my sister just texted me and I gotta get over to her place.” Sokka started towards the door then paused and turned around. “I actually had a lot of fun doing this, though. I’ll see you around, yeah?” 

 “Yeah.” You knew you had that same smile on your face, but it just wouldn’t go away. His energy was contagious. “Definitely.” 

 “Great.” He winked at you one last time then left, closing the door behind him, and finally snapping you out of your spell. 

 You leaned against the dresser and stared at the slip of paper in your hands, committing the number to memory. 

 You were definitely going to take him up on that offer. 

-

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin​

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

OBSESSIVE STOLAS X Male Imp Pt.3

(This is a long fanfic and will consist of multiple parts.)

You continued your rhythm, hands roaming his body. Stolas was getting close.

His breathing became shallow, moans became more lewd.

The way you held him so close, the warmth you gave him just intensified the pleasure you were giving him.

Stolas was in a daze, pleasure numbed his brain. Pleasure gripped his mind, stopping him from thinking about anything but the pleasure you were bringing him.

Stolas was getting close, trying to speak only came out as drunken moans.

You were both close and you both knew it.

Squeezing him close you began intensifying your thrusts, hands grabbing him rougher.

You were getting so close, you bit your tongue focusing on the pain to last as long as possible.

But no matter how hard you tried to hold back, you reached your peak, exploding in the owls sopping cavern. Feeling this sent Stolas over the edge.

Stolas released a high pitch squeal.

Not wanting uninvited listeners to hear your bedmate, you reach forward and pull the prince into a deep kiss, muffling the squeal.

The two of your remain in that state for several moments. Breaking the kiss, you fall limp against the princes chest.

Stolas rested his arms around your back, pulling you close as you both basked in the afterglow.

While you were very content with the idea of just laying with this very warm, feathery pillow for the next few hours.

The sudden slamming of a door and Blitzø screaming 'Fuck!' snapped you both out of our pleasant haze.

Looking up at Stolas, you found him looking just as panicked as you felt. You both scrambled off each other, desperately trying get your clothes on.

Stolas scrambled in kind, desperately trying to get his clothes on. Though unfortunately for him he'd earlier scattered his clothes across the room.

Finally getting your clothes on properly, you found Stolas still in a state of undress.

He'd gotten his upper layer on but still lacked his pants and cloak.

Looking around, I found the cloak besides the door. Rushing over i grab the fur collared cloak.

Bringing it back to the prince, he quickly put it on, giving me a quick thanks before dashing around, looking for his pants.

Looking around, you found Stolas' pants under the conference table.

Grabbing them you quickly handed them to the avian prince. Stolas snatched them from your hands before beginning the awkward process of pulling them up his long legs

He'd gotten them up about half way when the distinct sound of Blitzø trudging towards the door drew both of our attention.

We both stared at the door, listening as Blitzø stamped his way towards us. Stolas was in the early stages of a panick attack, as stolas leaned back against the conference table, watching the door with frozen dread.

Blitzø's heavy steps stopped before the door, the silence hung in the air like a scythe drawn back and ready to cut us both down.

You both began to panick before a booming sneeze rang out, Blitzø mumbled profanity before continuing past the door.

Stopping by the office's entrance he called back '(Y/N) lock the place up will ya, I need a fuckin drink.'

Without waiting for a response Blitzø slammed the front door and like that, we were alone.

You looked up at the prince, he looked back at you. You stared at each other for a few moments before you cracked a smile.

You began a hearty chuckle, laughing at how tense you'd both gotten only to be completely alone again.

Stolas pulls his pants up, before joining you in your little laugh. Walking over you sat up next to the prince. The two of you falling into a pleasant silence.

Stolas slipped his hand into yours, before bringing your hand onto his lap.

Stolas was in a strange state of mind, he had been emotionally shattered, and now he felt... happy.

For the first time in years he wasnt filled with anxiety.

Sitting there he slid his arm around you waist, before pulling you into his lap.

You nestled into his lap, enjoying his embrace as he ran his hand over your body.

I leaned into the touch, enjoying his scent as as you sat in his lap.

Stolas looked down at you, he just didnt understand you.

His entire life people had always wanted something from him, Octavia was the only person who ever just wanted him to who he was... and he still managed to screw thet up.

Even his beloved Blitzø only wanted him for his grimoire, no one wanted him for him.

Except you.

And stolas didn't understand it.

So he decided ask you.

'What do you want?' Stolas asked you, his voice barely above a whisper.

You looked up at him, unsure of what he said, 'what?' You asked.

'What do you want from me?' He asked, anger swelling in his chest. He needed to know, you were the only good thing he had right now and he needed to know why you were being so Damned Good to him!

You looked up at him, frustration and anger clear on his face.

A sad little smile adorned your face before you raised both your arms and cup his cheeks.

Stolas froze, getting to your feet you looked him dead in the eyes you told him. 'I just want you to be happy.'

Stolas was taken aback, confusion laid clear across his feature.

You chuckled at his clearly dumbfounded expression.

With a sigh you told him 'I can truthfully say when I first heard of you my opinion of you wasn't very high. And when I heard of your deal with Blitzø... well it didn't help.

'But' I cut in before he could say anything. 'I quickly came to learn you were unlike any of your fellow royalty.'

You took his hand into your own, gently playing with his fingers.

'Like most Imps growing up i dreamed of growing up to own a palace.' You chuckled to yourself. 'But when I grew up I realised. When you have such power, you bound to it as much as its bound to you'

'And when I learned of your arrangement with Blitzø, I though it was just a way to indulge in your more, carnal desires.' you sighed, reliving the last 20 minutes or so. 'But it wasnt until i overheard you talking to Blitzø on the phone. I could hear just how genuinely eager you were to see him, and I could tell how much you wished he'd return such enthusiasm.

Running a hand down his chest you told him. 'You coming here to see Blitzø, it was so obvious i was actually annoyed with myself for seeing it earlier. You were genuinely eager to see him. But it wasn't until you, prince stolas of the Ars Goetia, ask if your out fit was good enough did realise what was going on.'

You took a moment to have a giggle at the memory, Stolas didn't find it as funny but listened regardless.

'Watching you fuss over an outfit that you knew was perfect, it was in that moment your anxiety shown through. I saw your mask crack and I could see just how fragile you were.'

Stolas got a little huffy 'I'm not fragile' he grumbled to himself.

You giggled at his immature behaviour.

Turning his head towards you, you met his crimson gaze. 'Stolas. In that moment. I saw you.' You placed your hand against his chest.

'I saw a gentle soul. A damaged, scared, And absolutely terrified to be alone.' You brought his hand up to your cheek. 'And when I heard Blitzø screaming at you, without even giving you a chance. I knew it would devastate you.'

'And you there, in front of Blitzø's office, clawing at the ground, desperately trying to keep it together, I made a decision.' Stolas' gaze was so intense if not for your current situation youd likely fear for your life. 'I made the decision to make. you. smile. No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice. I wouldn't let you leave without a smile on your face.'

Stolas stared for several moments, eyes scanning your face for even the slightest hint of deceat. His throat dried and eyes watered when he realised there wasn't any to find.

'You really did all that for me, just... to see me smile?' Stolas asked, his voice staring to break up through his drying throat.

You looked him dead in the eyes and without a moment's hesitation you whispered back 'yes.'

Stolas pulled you close, tears welling in his eyes.

Stolas held you tight, fearing that if he let you go, something would snatch you away from him.

You leaned into the embrace, returning the hug and just enjoying his arms wrapped around you.

It wasn't until you felt his body quivering that you pulled from the embrace. Finding the owl on the brink of tears you reached up and wiped a tear from his eyes.

Stolas felt... light. As though all the things that were holding him down were gone.

He felt freer then he had in centuries, like nothing could keep him down.

And looking down, he found the source of this freedom.

And seeing you looking up at him, he couldn't help the smile spread across his features.

You were what he'd always wanted.

Someone who loved him unconditionally.

Seeing the Prince smiling made you release a giggle 'You look good with a smile' you whispered to him.

Stolas' hand cupped your cheek and brought you close. Placing a single kiss on your lips before placing head against your own.

Pulling back he said 'I think I'm in love with you.'

Stolas froze, fearing for your reply, fearing you wouldn't reply, fear you'd leave him and he'd fall into the pit of despair that you'd pulled him out of.

You took a moment to respond, a moment which for stolas felt like an eternity.

Getting up you cupped both his cheeks and told him 'I care deeply for you as well, Stolas.'

The reply sent a slight wave of sadness through him before he calmed himself. 'Its alright' he thought 'he doesn't need to love me yet. I'll show him how much I deserve his love.'

Stolas planted another kiss before asking you 'can I see you again, spend some time with you.'

'Do you have a phone?' You asked, Stolas patted himself down hefore pulling out his Hellphone you quickly snatched out of his hands.

Opening the phone you chuckled to yourself, 'Don't even have a password.'

You typed away for a few moment, Stolas leaned down trying to take a look at what you were doing.

Pulling back you pressed the phone against your chest before you wagged your finger at him 'na-ah'.

It took another minute before you held the phone up, pulled a little pose and he heard the distinct click of you taking a picture.

After another few second you handed the phone back before getting up of his lap.

Though instantly missed your presence you attention was still on the phone. Opening it he found a new contact.

(Y/N), the icon being the image you just took.

The fact you so willingly not only gave him your number, but you willingly took a picture of yourself sent warmth through his chest.

His attention brought back to the real world when he heard the door open.

Looking up, he found you standing by the door before walking back over to him.

Holding a hand out, you pulled him to his feet before saying 'Stolas. This has been perhaps the single greatest moment in my life, and I can't describe how happy I am that I got to share it with you.'

Walking to the door, you turned to him. 'But, and I can't describe how much it pains me to say, but I have to bring this rendezvous to an end.' You told him, concern clear in your voice.

Stols took in a breath, 'I understand. This was all rather sudden.' He told you, running his hand over yours.

'Thank you for understanding.' You said earnestly.

Stolas leaned down and you shared a brief but passionate kiss.

'I look forward to seeing you again, My leage' you steered him towards the door, say the last part in your best snooty accent.

Stolas giggled at your antics before ducking under the door.

You exchanged one final touch before he left to home.

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

to see; to be seen

hiya there @fangirltakesall! i was your secret santa:D for the @ninjagosecretsanta2021 - i really hope that you enjoy reading this! and i hope that you have a great christmas and an awesome festive season:D

i hope that this was queued right? timezones are weird xD

you asked for hurt/comfort, the main girl trio, and characters realising that their lives have changed and deciding what to do about it.

i give you,,, pix and nya, after the last episode of s8.

(i tried to include skylor, so many times, but my brain said 'no<3' - i'm so sorry! ik you said trio, it's literally been keeping me up at night but the words didn't wanna cooperate:/. ahh i'm really sorry).

trigger warnings: mentions/a short flashback of pix's body being smashed in s4, grief and all the stuff that comes w/ it, implied self harm (not much but just mentioning to be safe)

word count: 7 026

also - it warrants a mention that you can stop reading at the '---' mark, but there's a bit of an,, epilogue at the end, from misako's pov. i needed someone who'd had experience with that kind of thing to talk to pix about it, so comes in her character, but ik a lot of the fandom doesn't like her - which is fine! if so, just stop reading at the '---' mark:D

and- oh gosh this A/N is so long, but:

lloyd's not sleeping he's concussed (to explain why he fell asleep to quickly), pix was locking her emotions away w/ code when she was talking to nya (hence why she was so calm and didn't think of the others often), the ice is nice thing is a line from the movie, and the dorris day one is the line from the movie bloopers (on yt). the ninja went to go watch a movie that darreth let a bunch of people make (tlnm), so that's how they know abt it. misako had friends in college who went through similar things (referring to her characterisation in the 'epilogue'), so that's why she kept thinking not again, because she didnt want to see anyone else hurt like that. also nya kept tracing a star on her hand, kai used to do that w/ her when she was little, whenever she was scared (for some context/explanation).

anyyyways, here's the fic!:D i've never done a secret Santa before i hope it turned out okay-

It's cold.

It's freezing cold.

It's the kind of cold that you can't seem to get rid of, no matter how many times you bundle on more layers, or toss and turn, trying to fall asleep.

The warehouse - one that they've used to store their mechs in the past - obviously doesn't come with separate rooms, like the monastery or the-

She squeezes her eyes shut - as if that simple motion will block out the memory that plays behind them.

"Nya- Nya, I'm so sorry-"

Her brother's hysterical voice echoes in the alleyway that they'd just stepped into, after mooring the boat they'd managed to scrounge up last-minute. She's kinda preoccupied with trying to check if any of the Sons of Garmadon have somehow followed them, but - well, Lloyd usually never lets these chaotic situations get to him. She doesn't want to think about why it's affecting him so much this time round - that the girl she'd told him to be himself around had never afforded him the same luxury.

"What happened?" she asks, her voice coming off more accusatory than she'd intended. Adrenaline and fear are never a good combination - but, gosh, this time they had been taken completely by surprise. "Where's everyone else? Why is-"

She cuts herself off, moving quietly through the back streets. Questions can come later, once they've gotten Lloyd to the safe house. Even though they were outnumbered way more than they'd thought, she’s not letting those stupid shark-faced bikers take him again.

Her brother follows behind, a hand on her shoulder. The rest of their friends must've hopped off the Bounty, she thinks to herself. Where could they all be now, though? Pixal had mentioned an old warehouse that she uses to store the Samurai X Mech in - another whole other thing that she really wasn’t gonna get into right now-

Lloyd winces, drawing in a breath sharply. His other hand is pressing on his chest, and the motion causes a pang of guilt to shoot through hers.

He was too drained and tired to fight-

How could we-

Why did we let him go in alone-

They're moving so quickly through the dark streets that she- she almost doesn't even hear him at first. Doesn't hear him struggling with how to give her the words that will shatter her world into tiny pieces - and then drive them through her heart.

"They're- they're-"

He keeps muttering to himself, clutching at his hair hysterically. She wants nothing more than to sit down with him, help pick up the pieces from where H- that monster had dropped them, and- gosh, tend to his injuries because he'd practically died today and doesn't even seem to be the slightest bit rattled.

She rubs her temples in exasperation. Of course, her brother wouldn't even give himself some self-care after practically freaking dying-

Well, she reflects, it's not like all of her brothers and her boyfriend don't share that mindset too. Stupid boys with no self-preservation instincts.

Once this whole mess with the Sons of Garmadon was over, they were definitely going to an arcade or something - even if she had to drag the five of them there.

Misako and Pixal had taken a different route earlier - a rather unnecessarily complicated one, but the aim was to confuse any members of that annoying biker gang who might be following them.

And although she was definitely capable of protecting Lloyd from any- of them; anyone who thought that they could outsmart her, she didn't have a lot of faith in their duo at the moment.

One of them practically on the verge of death, one of them exhausted to the point of considering just lying down on the street and sobbing hysterically? Great.

"Lloyd," she whispers, cursing the stupid streetlights that never seemed to work (why were the streets so freaking dark? What if they missed the inevitable ambush? What if-), "you okay?"

"Y- yeah," comes the shaky reply, Lloyd's voice at least an octave higher. He convinces neither of them.

Glancing furtively behind her, she realizes that his puffy eyes are coated in dull red, streaked against the white like raindrops running down a windowpane. Breathing in a series of what sounds like short gasps - sounds all wrong, she registers belatedly - he keeps running his hands through his hair in a sort of frenzied way that's so unlike her little brother-

She swallows, wanting nothing more than to find this lying, manipulative princess, and give a piece of her mind. How dare she- w- why-

"Once we get to the warehouse, we're gonna take care of our injuries, you're gonna tell me whatever you're comfy with, and then you're going to sleep. Not a request, lil' bro," she whispers shakily, turning around to squeeze his hand.

"I'm... I'm older than you," he replies, a weary tapestry of frayed threads. "Listen," he adds, voice too high again, "there's something-"

Then he takes a deep, shuddering breath, and covers his face - as if that can hide the agonized sobs tearing their way of it.

Nya rubs her arms, suddenly freezing cold.

It's not cold outside.

Lloyd-Lloyd never cries.

Never.

Not when he was trapped in an exploding volcano on the verge of an excruciating death - probably terrified as heck. Not when he faced his father on the opposite side of the battlefield, time and time again, not when he had to fight the freaking Overlord, not at Zane's funeral - when the snow falling lightly from the sky had felt far too wrong for such a sombre moment.

Not when his power was literally stolen from his heart, not when he watched his father disappear into a realm of no return - just when they'd started to fight on the same side. Not even when his uncle had vanished into the timestream, leaving behind a grieving nephew and the pieces of a half-broken team. Never.

She swallows a bout of nausea, her hands clutched together hard enough to hurt.

"I'm sure that you have nothing to be sorry for," she says firmly. "Once I give that loser princess a piece of my mind-"

"I- don't- you don't understand!" Lloyd replies hysterically. "She- she-" he breaks off, and Nya unsuccessfully strains to hear the rest of his sentence.

"Hey," she starts, swallowing. What was she even supposed to say in this situation? This was even worse than most of her nightmares - and she died in those, so that's saying something.

As much as Nya wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and never, ever let go, she’ll have to settle for gently rubbing his head, frowning as turns into the next street.

The Sons of Garmadon couldn't be far behind.

This time, she'd be better prepared.

She had to be.

"I would advice caution-"

Pixal breaks off as her friend throws another punch, their grey eyes steely with determination.

The plank of wood breaks in half and a couple more shards join the mess on the floor.

Nya wipes her brow, chest heaving as she reaches over for another plank.

"I would advise caution in that... endeavour," Pixal starts, a little louder. When her words ring out in the cold metal of the warehouse yet again, she puts a hand on her teammate's shoulder in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.

Nya's head whips around in surprise, eyes wide and plank raised - but she visibly deflates when she realizes that it's not an intruder. Pixal ignores the pang that shoots through her chest - both of them have been deeply affected by the loss of their friends, family, but Nya refuses to acknowledge that there was anything wrong, other than the Sons of Garmadon - who were currently terrorizing the city.

Well, she knew that that was a normal response to loss - she just hated feeling powerless. After- after Chen-

Almost involuntarily, her mind runs through a well-worn sequence of code. The memory dulls, fading to a blur of colours and too-bright light. It should be… instantaneous, she remembers thinking as she’d programmed the instructions.

She'd never really tried to program herself in that way before - to lock away bits of her code when each piece of it was supposedly vital.

Nya could probably help, she remembers thinking. Or her father. Or Zane. Anyone, really. Anyone who wasn't hiding away memories that they didn't quite know what to do with, messing with code that they didn't quite know how to fix.

Not quite sure if it could be fixed.

Pixal taps her fingers on her other hand irritably, sighing even as her processors all speed up as they did when she was faced with a threat.

Why did that one memory keep breaking through her carefully constructed code? She could, of course, calculate it out of existence - but wasting a piece of information just because a glitch lurked within her own mechanics? Endeavouring to fix it first... seemed like the most logical option…

Right?

"You should go to sleep," she says, slowly. "I do not mind patrolling the whole night - especially since I have m- the suit."

"Thanks, Pixal," comes the hesitant, weary reply. "But I think I'll stick with this - we've all gotta stay in shape, you know?"

Her mind runs through a dozen or so scenarios - to press the issue or ignore it?

"Nya," Pixal starts quietly, "we have all lost someone. You-"

"Yeah, I know!" Nya exclaims, eyes narrowed in anger. "Don't worry, I won't let you guys down again. I mean- I've been through worse," she spits, a brittle laugh punctuating the confession.

“Stupid djin,” she mutters to herself as she pulls her ponytail tighter - tight enough to hurt.

"FSM, Lloyd's the only family I've got left! If you think I'm going to let anyone take him from me again? You're sorely mistaken."

Something unfamiliar burrows its way into Pixal's chest - a heavy, dull sort of ache. Her eyes widen a little, but she decides that she does not quite like the... the- feeling. Perhaps more coding at a later stage could rid her of the virus, she supposes.

I know that it is not quite a virus, she thinks to herself wearily. But she is right not to consider me a part of their team. I only offer them technological aid, not assistance with matters of the heart.

Although I do so wish to do. Or at least... try to do so, difficult as it may be.

But she still feels a pang of sorrow for Nya, who had lost so many. Yet the other's anger stings - even though she knows that it is a common response to loss. A necessary one, arguably.

"Nya, listen. Please," she replies gently, placing a hand on the other girl's shoulder. "None of us think that you have let us down in any way. I was just going to mention that... that none of us think that you should not grieve, either."

"Grieve?" The other girl questions, practically aghast. She then puts a hand over her mouth as if she is trying to muffle her stilted laugher.

Pixal notices that the hand is trembling, shaking like the leaves in Ninjago City Park in the wintertime - yet Nya seems unaware of her own distress. She decides not to comment on it yet.

"Yeah, of course," Nya sighs, her arms shaking as she gestures wildly. "Gimme a second to go and ask the princess if she can stop attacking our city!”

The Water Ninja's words are punctuated with sobs, but she stubbornly ignores the tears dripping down her chin.

"Oh, and while she's at it, maybe she can bring the rest of us back from the dead! Doesn't she have all the Oni Masks?"

"I- I..." Pixal cuts herself off, realizing a second too late that she should not voice a legitimate answer to her teammate's question.

I would assume that the Oni Masks only seem to have the power to resurrect Oni, she doesn't say.

"What do you want me to do?" she asks instead - trying to sound genuine instead of judgmental.

If the surprised expression on the other girl's face is anything to go by, her eyebrows raised a few centimetres, she isn’t quite sure if she’s succeeded or not.

"What do you mean?" Nya asks, so quietly that Pixal has to reboot one of her old lip-reading programs from her stint at Borg Industries to make out the words. Her father had always tried to centre his programs around being more inclusive of those who were disadvantaged by their society’s unfortunate default, usually an exclusive one. A smile twitches at the corners of her mouth, tinged with a bit of melancholy.

“I mean…” she grapples for an answer, scenarios whirling through her head. “I mean that… I do not quite know what to do to help you.”

A silent nod. Caution and curiosity sparking in their eyes.

“I- I wish to try and help both of you,” she continues. “Losing Zane so soon after we had met was… not easy. I-“

“Gosh. Why does everyone always think I’m the weak one-“ she cuts herself off.

Her own anger bristles, just a little. Pixal frowns but elects to ignore it.

“Yeah, that… couldn’t have been easy. I’m sorry,” Nya adds, features softening. “You were saying?"

What was she trying to say?

The words do not come easily as they usually do, held back by a realization that is becoming all too familiar.

She just- she just doesn't know what to do!

Over the last few years, it had been easy to fall into a rhythm of questions and answers. Never daring to ask the former. Always supplying the latter.

She lacked the efficiency of Zane's old power source, of course - his father must have been a technological genius, she remembered musing when Zane had walked into Borg Industries for the first time. And she remembered wondering, too - why had he created an android so similar to humans? They would never be humans - they weren't meant to be! They could never feel emotion or contact the same way. Why try, then?

Well. The two of them had discussed this - feeling something was better than feeling nothing. The positive emotions were worth the negative ones. Humanity gave them a unique outlook on life (as opposed to other Nindroids, she supposed).

Thousands of logical reasons start to pile up. Trip over each other. Hum incessantly through her code - beckon her towards factual explanations so easily determined long ago.

Her hands curl into fists. Her arms shake.

Perhaps emotions enhanced their lives or brought valuable insight to situations painted in shades of grey, perhaps-

When she's not so overwhelmed - not so wrapped in anger, tight, hiding her eyes from the stars, she can deal with perhaps. Then, she can believe the logic that sings through every fibre of her being. Then, the puzzle pieces will click back into place without a hitch. Then-

Now is not then, she chides, and never will it be.

Emotions, they had their place - this she knew.

Y-yet...

Yet, as sobs ricochet through an empty warehouse, as a boy lies curled up in a corner - with a certain stiffness that could be attributed to injury, if not for the spiderwebs of red threaded through his eyes - as a family is ripped apart from the seams, thread cut so quickly that they can barely blink as the ground crumbles away, Pixal has never despised emotions quite so much.

"Is it empathy or acknowledgment? Or understanding? Or reassurance?" Pixal mutters, scenarios playing cautiously behind her eyes.

What does her friend need? she wonders, head spinning. What does she need, herself?

She runs the simulations. She observes. She learns; learns that-

She is clueless in each one.

"Why do you- you care?" Nya hisses, low and quiet, startling her from her thoughts. "I don't want any of this! Unless you can reverse the past, I don't think you can- fix me."

The last two words are laced with contempt, pooling like venom.

"I'm not trying to- to fix you," she replies, a bit curtly. Though she hates to admit it - hates to be anything less than the role model to the kids who'd yell "I wanna be just like you!" to a retreating figure, swords strapped to their back as their lips curved into a rueful smile - she's... irked.

Irked by the fact that humans are so- so, well, human!

Why were they unable to lock their emotions away like the two of them could? Why would their creator want them to be hurt by their own minds? Why would it ever be useful for them to hinder their own abilities? To hinder their ability to save others - and themselves?

Everything is not designed with optimal logic in mind, a small voice at the back of her mind points out.

"When have I ever given you that impression? Aren't friends supposed to help each other in times of need?"

"I don't need-"

"I know, that's not what I..." Pixal trails off. Her eyes flick towards the little - a twinge blossoms in her chest at the word (he's too young for this, she thinks, not for the first time today, not for the first time this year-) - green bundle curled up on the floor. She notes that his chest is slowly rising and falling, the bandage she'd wrapped around his arm unraveling a little, white trailing onto metal floor. And his face-

He looks serious, even while asleep, she realises sadly.

"Look," she whispers, gesturing to Lloyd, "do you want to go outside?" I do not want to wake him up.

Nya's eyes soften as she glances behind her. "Won't that just make us a bigger target?" Weary sarcasm bleeds its way into her voice.

"Possibly," she admits, chiding herself. It's not like me to be so illogical.

So she walks over to the furtherest corner of the warehouse - slowly, so that her feet don't clank on the floor; metal on metal. A bit of an oversight, she notes crossly.

Then-

Why is she cross? It's not something irreversible, and it pales in comparison to the number of feats she is able to accomplish with her skill set.

Nya leans back against the wall, one of her hands tracing something on the other. Back and forth, a finger moving across her palm - almost subconsciously.

"I apologise-"

"I'm really sorry-"

They stare at each other for a moment.

"You can go first-" Pixal says.

"No, you-" Nya says simultaneously, gesturing wildly.

Two beats of silence this time - a bit too long. A bit too uncomfortable; dredging up a bit too much.

"An advanced little robot like you, hmm? Is your head just a bunch of a squiggly cogs?" She isn't looking at him, hasn't been for as long as she can, but a shiver goes down her spine as he laughs. "It'd be fun to take you apart, wouldn't it now?" He claps his hands together excitedly - excitedly. "Into tiny little bits and pieces, just like a jigsaw puzzle. See how it all fits together! Now that'd be a blast, don't ya think?"

A hand rests on her shoulder, and she jerks forward so hard that the chair topples over.

Faces turn to light green; walls, to swirling purple. She sighs in relief as the memory sinks into black, and green, and purple - one last echo of that horrid laughter... then it's back to the suffocating stillness.

"I'll go first," Nya whispers, one of her hands still quickly - as if it is a familiar motion; well worn - tracing something on the other.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I just-" she reaches up to wipe her eyelids, as if willing the tears to stay put. "I-"

"Would you like a hug?"

"...y- yeah," comes the shaky reply.

Face pressing into her friend's shoulder, she can hear every time their breathing hitches. She hugs tighter, tighter, as if the physical pressure can somehow weld a heart that's missing- something none of them will get back.

"Uh, Pixal?" A gasp. "Cwant bweath-"

"Oh no, I'm sorry-"

"It's fine!" A half smile appears on Nya's face.

A second later, she schools her features back into a neutral expression. She bites her lip, a hand curling into a fist and pressing against her thigh.

"You were saying?" Pixal prompts gently.

"Yah, I just-" she blows out a puff of air, shoulders sagging, "I just keep- keep thinking I could've prevented this!

Which is silly, I know, because I'm not the one who caused any of this to happen! And I did the best I could! We all did! It's not like any of us were part of their crazy group- or knew how far they'd go just- just to get want they want! But-" she cuts herself off. From the corner of her eye, a tear streaks down her face.

"But our best wasn't enough."

Nya stares at her hands, as if she'd just noticed that she was tracing something on one of them.

Her eyes widen.

She chokes back a sob, arms trembling. "My best wasn't good enough."

"If not for me, they'd still- they'd still be-"

The cracks start to align.

"They'd still be alive," Nya whispers. Then, louder, "they'd still be alive if I could've just... just- just- done some- something!"

She draws in heaving breaths, gasping gasping clawing for air. Her fingers sweep her cheeks, over and over, even as her arms continue to shake. Tears drip onto the torn fabric of her gi.

"And-" Her lip wobbles, breaths hitching painfully. "And 'm s- s- sorry!" Nya gasps out. "'M so-" a breath, erratic and forced.

Her whispers fade to inhales and inhales; breaths that pull from the air almost greedily, like she can't get enough of the air - and-

And she probably can't, Pixal realises.

What if she chokes? Or seriously can't breathe enough-

And the oxygen levels in her brain decrease until heart functions fail, her brain supplies unhelpfully.

Not the time, she chides, almost out loud.

She rubs circles into her friend's back, slowly - trying not to think about the fact that this is the first time she's seen those bloodshot grey eyes filling with tears what can she do she doesn't know doesn't know-

"Nd- mmphf- I-"

Her code starts glitching again; vision pixelating.

Oh, great. All of this concern is overloading her processors.

"Are you alright?" Pixal whispers, still rubbing Nya's back. She's almost afraid to stop - afraid that if she does, she'll be doing nothing to help and what happens then what happens then she doesn't know-

"'M fine," comes the shaky reply. Nya inhales and exhales, tearstained cheeks puffing out, then going back to normal size. Her chest rises again. "I'm fine," she says quietly. "Thank you."

"It's fine," she replies on autopilot.

"And- uh- I do not know if this will change your mind, but I'd at least hope to try to, I mean, if I can-" Pixal winces.

"No matter what your thoughts say, it was not your fault that everything went down the way it did. The Sons of Garmadon are just horrible - and it's not any of our faults for failing to meet their insane amount of manpower, or- or failing to assume the worst of them-"

"Are we compatible now?"

She smiles, clasping his hand a little tighter. Sometimes she doesn't quite believe that he's still here - still whole.

"Yes," she giggles, as he rests his head on her shoulder. "We are."

Jay's laughter rings over the comms. "Come on, we're in the middle of a mission!"

"Oh, like the patrols you and Nya sign up for?" Kai shoots back.

Lloyd and Cole collectively sigh.

"Alloromantics," and she can practically hear Cole jokingly put his head in his hands. "I'll never understand 'em."

Her vision pixelates again, and the world goes blurry.

"In all honesty?" Her voice tight with pent-up anger, she narrows her eyes. "We have far too many threats to take on."

Nya gives a halfhearted shrug, as if to say 'it is what it is - I've accepted it, I guess'. But she dips her head in assent. Her gaze falls to the floor as she grits her teeth; lips pressed together tightly.

"Our limitations hold us back - not our will, never our will. We have too few ninja, not nearly enough communication with the police force-" her voice takes on a brittle tone. "And the few of us? We. Logically. Cannot be everywhere at once-"

"So, yeah," she says, quieter. "It's not your fault. It's not any of our faults. We did the best we can-" the world starts breaking into tiny, multicoloured squares. "But we were outnumbered, and, logically, we cannot fight them all."

Nya's shoulders slump, but she reaches over like she's going to imitate a hug - and then pats Pixal's arm awkwardly, stepping away. "I- I- thanks."

"I keep telling myself that," she whispers, rubbing furtively at her eyes. "But I can't seem to believe it, somehow."

"It's not like- like neither of us knew this would happen! It's not like we asked for this! But do either of us cut corners? Leave our roles unfulfilled?"

Her eyes narrow to slits.

"No. No, we don't."

"I just-" she stomps her feet, swallowing back a sob. "I- it's not fair-"

"It's not it's not it's not," Nya says fervently, voice hoarse, as she curls in on herself. "I-"

"I just want them back," she cries. She digs her fingernails into her palms, shaking. "I just- wanwt- hem-"

A dozen or so scenarios present themselves. Pix deliberates sorting through them all; taking notes and working towards what she hopes is the best approach - as she usually does.

But-

Screw it, she declares. Surprising herself, she hits pause on the scenarios for the first time since- the first time in a while.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I don't know what do," she chokes out the confession like acid's burning up her throat, "because- because I don't think there is anything any of us can do."

She pulls her friend into a hug. "But I'll do anything I can to help the two of you," she says.

Light green eyes meet grey.

"I promise."

Nya pushes back the curls framing her face. Her hair's come loose, Pixal realises.

"Can I?" She lifts her wrist to show the hair ties she often wears on it.

"Sure," Nya replies. "Thank you."

A hand squeezes hers. "Not just for the hairdo."

"It's- it's fine."

A few moments later, it is not fine.

Clunky fingers, she notes, struggling to tie a simple ponytail. Another oversight, apparently.

Or...

"You have to do it like this," Cole insists, scribbling furiously.

"Nah, just go with the flow. If it's a bit weird looking, it's not like they'll notice-"

Lloyd swats at Kai with a purple travel pillow.

"That yours, Short Stack?"

"Jay hasn't noticed it's missing yet," Lloyd whispers, making a big show of holding his hand to Kai's ear.

Nya pulls her hair tie onto her wrist.

"Boys," she pretends to whisper. Kai pretends to be annoyed, rolling his eyes.

"Here, I'll show you. One," she pulls a few curls towards her face, separating them into three bunches of strands. "Two," she mutters, pulling the one on the right into the middle.

"And three!" Nya finishes triumphantly, the left strand now in the middle. "Then you just repeat it!"

Zane smiles. "Thank you." He pretends to pat her head.

"Oh, stop it," she laughs, giving him a hug.

"It's too hot for hugs," Kai groans.

"Dude," Nya says slowly. "Have you forgotten that your friend can literally create ice?"

"Ice is nice!" Jay exclaims, pitching his voice at least an octave higher.

Cole grins. Zane puts his head in his hands. Kai falls off the couch.

Lloyd sums up what they're all thinking.

"You look like Dorris Day!"

"TH- THANKS!" the whole room choruses, laughing.

Pixal watches with an ache in her chest.

A longing, for something more than what she's been lucky to enough to get.

She was lucky to enough to live, but not lucky enough to lift the cloak of invisibility that still hangs over her shoulders.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

Titanium fingers deftly go through the motions, green eyes watching a grainy world of colour and squares.

The cloak's gone now.

She's Samurai X now.

They're not here to see it.

Nya shakes her head. "Oh - a plait?" She asks, reaching her hand back to check. "Thank you. I didn't know you could do those, though?"

To answer the question or ignore it?

"Well-" her vision starts to clear. "Well, you were the one to teach me."

A bittersweet smile comes to her face. "I never had a chance to thank you until now."

Nya looks confused for a moment.

Then, absolutely gut punched.

"O- oh. Oh, FSM. You were watching that day, weren't you? The day we got back from the cinema?"

Her eyes widen.

"FSM," she says slowly. She drags a hand down her face, eyes peeking out from the gaps between her fingers. "You were always there with us, weren't you?"

Pixal nods - not sure if she trusts herself to give a proper reply.

Nya reaches over to squeeze her hand again.

"I don't even know what to say," she mutters sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I can't believe it slipped our minds so often, that- that-"

Out of sight, out of mind. An old expression her father sometimes used.

"That our team had seven members," she adds, eyes misty. "That- that I could've had sixbest friends, if I'd tried."

Nya's gaze sweeps across the empty warehouse - inches and inches of bare metal, a mech curled up in one corner and a boy in the other. Two fighting machines, Pixal thinks bitterly.

Grey eyes meet hers.

"We're all we've got left," Nya says. "We're all the city's got left."

"We will do th- everything we can," Pixal vows. "For the city-"

"And each other," Nya concludes fervently. She inhales, slowly.

Her voice is still thick with unshed tears, her arms still shake.

Pixal's processors keep overloading, her world becoming a startling mirage of colour and blocks every so often.

But she looks down to their clasped hands - one with bruised knuckles; an old scar in the middle of the palm. One with bits of metal poking out from the seams - one, cobbled together from bits and pieces that no one else wanted.

She looks down at their hands, and she sees. And she is seen.

They need to grieve. She knows this. She knows that Nya's confident stance doesn't hide the anger and sadness swirling in her friends irises; knows that Lloyd has many wounds that she cannot bandage.

But she is seen.

And she sees - I can't take away the sadness, or the anger, but I can try to help through it, a robot with white-blond hair realises.

Yet - it is not enough, merely to be seen. Merely to see.

For what is that without others to see you too? Without others for you to see?

But when Nya clings to her a little tighter, she doesn't let go.

When her friend promises Lloyd that she'll always protect him, Pixal bites her lip.

She pulls off the chains she'd shot at him. Later that day, she ruffles his hair. She offers similar words - completely unprepared for a sobbing boy to wrap his arms round her chest.

They all try - to listen, to offer tissues, hugs, to say that it's okay not to know, it's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. That it's okay to grieve. To admit that they also hope they're going to come back, because hope hurts less than facing the reality.

They see.

And so does she.

---

Misako rattles the door handle as she

comes back from her shift of the patrol.

Seeing that Lloyd and Nya are asleep, her shoulders sag just a little. She sighs in relief.

Maybe it's just the paranoia talking, but she's always terrified that she'll come back to an empty warehouse one day. That she'll fail her child again; leave him behind in the name of protecting him.

That was a bad choice, she chides. This isn't. We have to ensure that we're not being followed. We have to keep the resistance alive, she repeats like a mantra. Maybe if she thinks it enough, it'll hurt a little less.

Noticing one member of their party missing, her gaze flits to Pixal welding pieces of her mech back together.

"I can take the next shift, too," she says quietly.

"I've got it," the girl replies - how did did even hear her from all the way across the warehouse? - brushing white hair from her eyes. Then- "Is there even a shift now? I thought we agreed that it's unlikely for the Sons of Garmadon to be on the streets at 3AM."

Is that what time is it? Heck.

"Yes, sorry," Misako replies. Of all the kids, Pixal's been the most withdrawn. She helps plan Lloyd's training schedule, braids Nya's hair and holds her hand and listens.

No, she's not withdrawn from the group. It's more like she's withdrawing herself from them - letting everyone talk to her about this horrid biker gang, but not talking to everyone else about the nightmare fuel things they've done.

She unties her hair, sighing.

Not for the first time during these few days, she deliberates asking the third kid to open up a little.

But-

Look at your son, a nasty little voice at the back of her mind hisses. If he's any indication that you're not good with kids-

"Shut up," Misako mutters.

She walks over to the Samurai X Mech.

"What are you doing?"

Light green eyes lift their gaze from the metal.

"Trying to improve some functions," Pixal replies. Her eyebrows crease. "Shouldn't you be asleep? It is, after all, 3AM."

"Can't really sleep. But what about you?"

"I don't need sleep," she replies, a half-smile on her face. "Do you want to talk about whatever's bothering you?"

This isn't the first offer.

The irony, she thinks sadly.

She won't admit it - not to her kids, not to herself - but she's worried. Worried about the girl who spent half an hour unable to see and then brushed it off as unimportant. Worried about the other kid with green eyes - the one whose heart isn't so visibly worn as her son's is. The warrior who'd once thrown a man through a building on live TV.

"I'm good, thank you. And you?"

Almost as if on autopilot, Pixal echoes Misako's answer.

Maybe it would be better if this kid wore their heart on their sleeve a little more.

"Well, I'm not an engineer - but I took a couple courses in uni. Can I help you with anything?"

"Sure!" A bit of a spark appears in the girl's eyes. "So, I'm trying to make the right arm move smoother - also, do you think it'd be better to..."

An hour or so later, Misako's pretty sure she has grease in her hair - but the mech doesn't look too worse for the wear.

"Thanks for letting me help," she says, smiling. "Even if I almost caused the jetpack's fuel to explode."

"Zane did the same thing," Pixal replies, without thinking - and then a shadow falls over her face.

Misako puts her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Goodnight-"

Quicker than she'd have thought possible from anyone, even a robot, Pixal jerks forward like she's been punched. Breathing heavily, the girl places her hands over her eyes and moans.

Frozen, Misako stands ramrod still with shock for a moment. "Are you alright?" she asks gently.

Slowly backing away, Pixal stumbles over the arm of her a mech. She doesn't even try to break her fall, instead drawing her legs to her chest.

"Please," she cries, rocking forwards and backwards. "Please, I'll tell you anything you want to know, just don't-"

The light green of Pixal's eyes flickers in and out as she screams.

Misako's blood practically runs cold.

Not again, is all she can think as she walks closer - not too close, never too close. Not again. Not again.

"Can you hear me?"

She repeats the question a minute later, each second sending a twinge of pain through her skull. Not again. Not again. Not again.

It seems like an eternity before the other girl shakily nods her head.

"You're in Ninjago City," Misako says, trying not to let her concern find its way into her voice. "It's 2018. You're in a warehouse with Nya, Lloyd and I. You're safe. You're safe."

"Okay," Pixal replies. "Thank you."

"Can you see?" Misako asks gently.

A few seconds pass. "Not really," Pixal admits, so softly that Misako has to strain to hear her.

"Do you know why? Can I help?"

"Yes, no. It'll pass soon, thank you."

"Can I hold your hand?"

Pixal's eyes start to blink in and out, like a traffic light. She'd laugh if they were in any other situation - anything but this. Not again.

"Yes," she says after a minute. "But-"

"Yes?"

"But please don't touch my shoulders."

"You got it," Misako replies, her voice measured. But a shiver goes down her spine all the same. Pixal's, what- fifteen? Any age is horrible, but- fifteen-

Her eyes are starting to go bloodshot, but she refuses to let any tears fall. She's the adult here - the only adult here. They're meant to come to her for help, not the other way around.

After about half an hour of anxious thoughts (not paranoia, not this time - is that better or worse? Not better, she thinks, wiping a tear from her cheek, because now there's evidence for her anxiety to feed on and that's a million times worse, there shouldn't be bits of truth in this story-), Pixal's eyes stop flashing and go back to normal. She takes in the room quickly, seemingly startled to find Misako sitting a meter away from her.

"You should have gone to sleep - it's late. But..." the girl trails off. "Thank you so much. I didn't know the- that could be helped like that. I appreciate it."

"Anytime," Misako says slowly. "But what exactly was that?" She holds up a hand. "You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to, but..." she bites her lip, adding, "but it might help."

"I'm fine," comes the reply, a little curt. "Thank you, though."

"No, you're not."

Misako's not sure who's more surprised by the words - her, or Pixal.

You've made your bed, now lie in it.

"I don't know what you're going through," she starts, swallowing, "not exactly. But I have an idea. And that's not easy to go through, whatever it is that you're dealing with." She presses a hand to her face to keep the tears from falling. "But I'm always here if you want to talk about it."

"I-"

Pixal cuts herself off.

At first, it looks like she's going to politely decline the offer. She opens her mouth and starts the same autopilot reply; Misako's heart sinks.

But then she cuts herself off again.

"No," she mutters to herself. "Screw it. Apparently I'm not good enough at coding to do this one simple thing, so this can't hurt, can it?"

"You- you won't tell Lloyd? Or Nya?" Pixal twists her fingers back and forth nervously.

"You have my word."

The next hour turns out to be one of the most horrifying of Misako's life.

Pixal talks - casually, far too casually - of a prison cell, and a man who- who- who had spun a wheel to see which limbs of hers he was going to smash. A man who'd made her watch as he threatened to kill her lover if she didn't cooperate with his demands. A man who started a war - for fun.

A man who smashed her body limb from limb, and left the pieces for her lover to find.

"And sometimes- I mean- I don't know, it sounds stupid," Pixal mutters. "But sometimes I feel like he took so much more from me than just an- and exoskeleton," her voice cracks, "and some metal."

"My entire identity became 'the girl in Zane's head'," she says, shaking. "And I'm glad that I got to live, because I would never... have made it out of that cell otherwise."

"But I could- couldn't even talk!" she cries, raising her hands to her face again. "I. Couldn't. Even. Talk."

"And Zane would try and relay what I was saying, at first, but it got so confusing and it eventually just fizzled out."

Her bright green eyes fade out, then turn back on. Pixal winces.

"I just- so many opportunities," she says sadly, her fingers curled into fists. "I never had any friends, and when the nightmares came back I-"

Breathing heavily, she holds out a hand to Misako. The latter takes it, a little confused. "And I didn't know what to do, and- and when Zane was hacked and Nya- the power core- and I was all alone again and- this time I really was alone and- mech- at least no one can-"

Pixal sounds like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

"Hey," Misako starts gently, "can you breathe in for four seconds?"

They talk well into the sunrise - Pixal learning that her supposed 'glitch' was not a problem that she'd failed to fix, her eyes going completely blank at the realisation.

"Can you see?" Misako has asked.

"Yes," she whispers, as if in disbelief. She reaches a hand tentatively forward. "I- I can see, everything's blurry but I can see-"

Misako learns that the snake who blackmailed her husband for so many years; the man who provoked bloodshed and war and countless other atrocities - she learns that he's in the Departed Realm, now.

Morro is there too. Maybe they'll finish each other off, she thinks bitterly.

She still wants to punch something, but she'll rest a bit easier knowing that Chen spent a fair amount of time rotting in the Cursed Realm. It's a shame Nya had fo destroy it, she thinks. Some people deserve to be there.

Pixal sees others, yes.

Yet, as the sun rises -

She is seen.

[bibbawrites]

Does Your Mother Know? - Charlie Gillespie x Older Reader

Request: none lol 

Word Count: 1328 words

Summary: You are working on the set of Julie and The Phantoms and you end up getting a little more than you bargained for when you start to spend time with the much younger Charlie 

Warnings: mild swearing, implied smut, dom/sub if you squint 

A/N: the one you’ve all been waiting for!  the reader is meant to be older than charlie in this, its mentioned that she’s 30 but really she could be any age that’s older than 22 lol  title comes from the abba song Does Your Mother Know? and was high key inspired by the scene from Mamma Mia  it didnt end up being smutty but if yall want it i’m happy to write a smutty part 2  enjoy! 

When you agreed to take the job working on the set of Julie and The Phantoms, you weren’t exactly sure what to expect. You had thought maybe you would become sorta-friends with the cast, and then when filming was over they would just forget about you. 

What you didn’t expect was to have a 5′8 (or 5′4 as Madison liked to say), Canadian boy follow you around 24/7. 

It was odd at first, having him trail behind you everywhere you went, staring at you with big puppy eyes. But then it dawned on you, after one long day when he never once left your side, that he had a major crush on you. 

It was cute, a little schoolboy crush, puppy love at most. But unfortunately for you, the more time you spent with Charlie, the more your feelings for him grew and before you knew it you had a full blown crush on him. 

You were on your weekly facetime with one of your best friends when the topic of boys came up. 

“Anyone interesting in your life right now?” She had questioned, wriggling her eyebrows. You smiled softly and she squealed. 

“Oh my god there totally is! What’s his name? Where did you meet? Is he cute? Tell me everything!” She exclaimed and you giggled. 

“His name is Charlie, he’s an actor in the show I’m working at, so that’s how we met. And yes, he’s very cute.” You told her. 

“Where’s he from?” She asked. “Also how old is he and does he have a cute single friend?” 

“So many questions.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “He’s Canadian and he’s 22. And as for a cute single friend, yes but way too young for you.” Her grin fell. 

“He’s 22?” She repeated. You nodded. 

“Yikes that’s a bit young isn’t it?” She cringed. 

You frowned. 

“I mean, I guess so? He doesn’t come off as that young though. He’s a lot of fun and I really like him.” You said. She shrugged. 

“But you’re 8 years older than him. He’s practically a child compared to you. He was in middle school when we were going out clubbing. Honestly, that’s kinda creepy.” She said. Your heart sank, the euphoria of telling someone about your feelings for Charlie long gone. 

“I have to go.” You stuttered out, hanging up before she could even reply. 

Maybe she was right... maybe you were too old for him. 

You barely got any sleep that night, your head filled with the words of your best friend, and the doubt that maybe you were stupid to fall for someone so young. 

These thoughts echoed through your brain as you sat on set, quietly pretending that you were working. 

“Looking gorgeous as always Y/N.” Charlie’s voice startled you out of your thoughts, and you looked up, making eye contact with the Canadian boy.

“Thank you Charles.” You responded, your tone sounding flat. Charlie pouted.

“What, no flirty comeback today?” He questioned, sitting down on the table you were sitting at. You shrugged.

“I was talking to a friend last night and I may have mentioned you and she-“

“You talk to your friends about me?” He cut you off with a smirk. You rolled your eyes.

“It was one conversation idiot. Anyways, like I was saying before you rudely cut me off, I mentioned you and my friend made me feel like shit, she basically implied that I was a cradle robber.” You finished with a sigh.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Besides Y/N, I’m 22, not 12. You’re only a few years older than me.” Charlie’s tone was sincere, but the words from the night before echoed through your brain. Maybe he was too young to be flirting with...

“8 years is not a few. Besides, when I was your age-“ You started.

“Ugh no, don’t say that.” He cut you off again, groaning at your words.

“Say what?” You questioned.

“When I was your age...” He said, mimicking your voice. “You sound 85.”

“Wow, way to flirt, saying I’m 85. No wonder you’re single.” You retaliated jokingly.

“I said you sound 85.” He repeated, emphasising the word ‘sound’. “You look 21.”

“Nice try kiddo.” You replied, ruffling his hair slightly. He grinned, leaning into your touch. You tried to ignore the way your heart sped up at the physical contact.

“Hey Charlie I need you on set, stop flirting with Y/N and let her do her job.” Kenny called, and you dropped your hand quickly, not wanting to get in trouble for being unprofessional.

“I’m not flirting. I’m just being friendly.” Charlie bit back, already standing up.

“Aw too bad, cause I was flirting.” You teased.

“Really?” His face lit up and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Go to set Charlie.” You told him and he grinned, blowing you a kiss before turning to head back to set.

“I’ll be back after my scenes.” He called as he walked away.

“I don’t doubt it.” You called back, shaking your head slightly. This boy would be the end of you.

True to his word Charlie was back at your side the minute he finished filming, and had changed out of his costume and removed his makeup. 

“Don’t you have friends to go hang out with?” You questioned. He pouted. 

“Are we not friends?” He retorted. You rolled your eyes. 

“I mean friends your own age.�� You elaborated. He shrugged. 

“I like spending time with you.” He said, his smile sincere. 

“Okay... Well I’m about to head home.” You told him. He bit his lip. 

“Want some company?” He asked. You thought for a second. 

“Sure, why not? We can order takeout or something, and watch a movie if you want?” You offered. Charlie grinned. 

“That sounds amazing. How did you get to set today?” He asked as you picked up your bag and headed towards the exit of the building. 

“I got an uber.” You told him. 

“Awesome, I drove.” Charlie grinned, pushing the door open for you. You smiled in thanks and walked outside, Charlie by your side, your hands brushing against each other. 

He glanced down at your hands, before grabbing your hand and linking your fingers together. You smiled softly as you reached his car, allowing him to open the door for you. You climbed in and put your seatbelt on as Charlie headed around to the driver’s seat, climbing in and starting the car. 

“I assume you’re in the same building as we are?” He questioned as he reversed out of the parking spot. 

“Yep.” You smiled. He drove out of the parking lot and you settled into a comfortable silence for the whole drive, only talking once you were parked in the carpark of the apartment complex. 

“Do you want me to call and order food?” Charlie asked, and you nodded.

“Wait til we get to my apartment and we can decide on something.” You agreed. 

The two of you hopped out of his car, and you smiled as Charlie grabbed onto your hand again, and before you knew it you were unlocking your apartment door and letting the two of you in. 

The door shut behind you and suddenly Charlie’s lips were on yours as he pushed you up against the wall. Your eyes flicked shut as you kissed him back, your hands tangling through his hair. 

In one quick movement you managed to push off the wall and spin the two of you around so that Charlie’s back was against the wall. 

“Hey!” He exclaimed. You grinned, crashing your lips back into his. He tried to push off the wall but you shoved him back, pulling away from the kiss.

“Nope, I’m in charge here.” You told him. He bit his lip. 

“Okay.” He said eventually. “I’m all yours.” 

You grinned, grabbing onto his shirt. 

“We better get started then.” 

And with that you dragged him off towards your bedroom.