#last time i let someone do them it wasnt bad but it was just totally not what i wanted

[vodkacranbrie]

bangs inspo

[liesmyth]

hi i wasnt following u when ted lasso s3 came out so im curious to know what your general thoughts on the season were, i thought there were some rly good moments but i dont think im ever gonna forgive them for half-assing and giving up on ted's depression storyline amongst Many other things

OH MAN, unfortunately my opinion overall is pretty negative. Which, don't get me wrong, can be very good for fandom because the "fix it" impulse to fix what went wrong always gets my fic brain going, but... it really felt half-assed in so many ways, which is a double let-down considering that the whole time it was airing, the production wouldn't commit to actually saying it was the last season, wasn't marketed as such, and it generally felt like the whole show fizzled out vs. having what should have been a well-deserved send-off.

My main gripe is that it felt like... the writers had Points they wanted to hit and didn't care what they wrote as long as they got there. Genuinely all of the characters were paid dust in different ways (nobody more than Roy IMO who got flanderized beyond belief). The pacing was very uneven, so much crammed into the series but at the same time very little that had actual emotional resonance happened; it feels like a sharp downhill from how well-crafted the earlier seasons were, especially season 1. Someone should have really told JSuds "No" at least once or twice or two hundred times.

Strangely enough, the actual final episode was really alright for me, because it was self-referential and #meta as hell but never pretended to serve an actual narrative purpose beyond being a bookend; I much prefer that to the whole middle-of-the-season arc where the show tried to juggle so many plotlines and fumbled everything. I also don't especially care about things I've seen other people get worked up about (Ted's arc / his ending, Dr Jacob, Jamie's dad etc) just because I never expected much from that front to begin with & I don't really want media to teach me stuff — like, I get why someone may be bummed by "bad mental health storyline rep!" but to me it's just another example of bad storytelling to go with all the others. I totally get having a visceral reaction to it, though! But I don't really think any screenwriter sits at a table saying "I'm going to make a show about mental health that handles it correctly." They sit at the table and think about how to fictionalise a story of a guy going through it, using his mental health as a hook, among others. I care way less about characters being therapised and stable and healthy than I do about a story being good, you know? The issue with TDS3 is that it was simply boring. To me.

I will say, I actually liked the season a lot more while it was airing that now that it's over; week-by-week I kept having hope they'd course correct things, I had fun speculating, and I decided what to pick and choose to enjoy from the new episodes. I think S3 is WAY better when consumed in a weekly format than looked at as a whole. Some of my favourite fandom moments were writing fic about an episode that just aired while waiting for the next

[annafall]

rpg horror story time lets go

played Pathfinder early this year with three friends (one of them the GM) and one person who was friends with one of the other three. extinction curse, were part of a traveling circus i fucking loved the premise, fucking adored the characters

we do our session zero, we discuss lines and veils, make bonds between the characters, decide that we don't want characters to die for no reason and that it has to be negotiated, you know the drill

first session hits and everything is fun and exciting, were doing our first circus act already, we tangle with a group of ruffians trying to heckle our show, my character accidentally cuts someone a little but it's fine, we can deal with the problems that result from this as they come up

or so i thought. cue: friend of a friend, i'll call them XYZ problem is, they had a bad experience with pathfinder in the past that apparently scarred them the only other person who knew this was their friend, who also didn't tell us

XYZ gets upset because they didnt get to prevent a bad roll. we end up spending 40(!!) minutes on calming them down and the gm basically lets them roll over and over until they succeed at whatever the thing was

the next week we dont play. XYZ has an appointment and tells us like an hour-ish prior to the session happening that we can't play. alright then, shit ettiquette but it's whatevs GM tells me they're glad the session isn't happening because they're anxious about the game

next game we only play an hour and a half, and nothing happens on account on 90 minutes being very little time for an rpg session

game #3, player tells me theyre trying to give XYZ the spotlight so they don't get frustrated i get a total of 6 sentences during that 3 hour session and completely dissociate out of the game say nothing about it, but im legitimately thinking about quitting at that point

next game is short again, 60 minutes, and nothing happens

final session, session 5. we continue to investigate the death of our circus director, search his wagon for stuff, other player looks elsewhere and gets attacked by these snake enemies combat starts in an awkward spot because the single player gets punted pretty bad before they manage to run towards us we engage in combat and the snakes roll really well (this was in Foundry, so it wasnt fudged in the monsters' favour) and it's looking like they might whoop our asses we start to talk about how we'll just have the snakes leave again, because we agreed that deaths should have meaning in the story XYZ is starting to lose it already and starts to rant about pathfinder we talk about how we can just level up a bit earlier to try and prevent a situation like this from happening again shit happens right? it's low-level pathfinder, the game is deadlier at early levels

doesn't help XYZ is now in full-on meltdown about the wipe a thing that shouldn't be a big deal, but somehow is. the game is a trainwreck at this point

i try to save it for some reason and in an attempt to lighten the mood, i make a funny remark directed at the GM what is XYZ's reaction?

"fuck you anna fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you go fuck yourself fuck you anna fuck you"

this should have been me leaving right then and there, blocking this person and never talking to them again instead, i stupidly suggest we play a round of quiplash, so not everybody goes out of the session pissed and frustrated, and we play a round or maybe two im losing badly. my sense of humor is one of the things im proud of and im losing badly. last place at the end of it, i think i won one round total throughout the quiplash thing, XYZ is winning. and theyre fucking gloating theyre meanspirited, the entire thing just feels like youre watching someone else rant about foreigners or something like that we finish playing and i leave the vc and go to bed i feel horrible, this was easily the worst session in my life

the next week i cancel the session

the week after i ask another player to please make up an excuse to cancel, afterwards im in croatia for the weekend and we skip that week too

in that time, its become obvious, this group doesnt work out. the gm doesnt wanna run anymore, citing their anxiety and the general poor mood about the game the other player is venting and ranting about XYZ regularly now. not just about the game, but basically anytime when XYZ starts to act up again and can't communicate like a fucking adult (and for the record, other player, i never minded that. youre awesome and i felt just as much frustration at this bullshit as you did and still do)

we need to address it somehow, so i take the initiative (the way i usually do)

XYZ is uncommunicative in general and everything you say just upsets them, so theres no good way to go about it. try to be nice, they hit you with the "nobody wants me 😥", try to be as objective as possible they yell at you

me and the rest of the players decide that we don't want to play with this person anymore and we go to tell them

guess who the asshole is in this situation?

correct, it's meeee me of course! forever and ever

theres a lot of hubbub about it, how it's unfair, how the decision for this person to no longer be part of the group was made FOR them, a lot of resentment, another person who had only surface info chimes in about two weeks later to talk about how we should have tried once more

i understand why XYZ was frustrated, dont get me wrong. they thought we were friends (however one might think that when all our interactions were just them sending me "…" or "flops" or an emoji at 3am because they cant sleep) and then we just kicked them out

but frankly, i was putting up with so much bullshit from someone im not even friends with being told to fuck myself because i DARED to not prioritise their freakout in the moment

and because i was the one who ultimately brought it up, im the evil asshole until the end of time

storytime over

[kingcunny]

so stupid how some ppl dont have the gals to admit they have a side and come with this "team smallfolk" bullshit, i noticed it only happens when there's targaryens at play, when there are other houses its more "fuck smallfolk".

the smallfolk liking viserys is what we deserve, the common people loving him

‘team neutral!’ ‘team smallfolk’ 🙄 okay *switzerland*. but you have a *preference* switzerland. you have a group of characters you *prefer*, switzerland. you say youre team neutral but you only talk about how cool and sexy and hot and sexy and cool and deep and hot and complicated and sexy the greens are? interesting.

thats an interesting point though i hadnt thought about that before but i Do think it fits…. you Do only really see ‘team smallfolk!’ when it comes to the targs. i wonder (genuinely, not being sarcastic) if it has something to do with the widespread misunderstanding of the difference between ‘conquerors’ and ‘colonizers’. and if because so many people incorrectly believe the targs are colonizers if that influences the pushback against them. the human desire to be morally ‘right’ and ‘correct’. even though, iirc, Most of the great houses either did or where descendents of people who did exactly what the targaryens did, minus the dragons. and maybe its because the targs are Main Characters and got their own history book, there isnt iir, any other books breaking down the history of the other houses. also like, iirc, wasnt there Thousands of years of the seven kingdoms before the targs came? theyve been around for a relatively short time. like didnt they barely even break double digit kings. that could be used as a mark either for or against them. either theyve managed to have *such* an impact (because of their dragons. lets be real) in such a short amount of time. or, time is Long. whos to say in another 300 years the seven kingdoms havent broken apart again and a single kingdom ruled by dragons isnt just an ancient story. OR maybe its Because of their dragons they get so much pushback. since hotd started airing ive seen a lot of people comparing dragons to nukes and while im not necessarily Against that analogy… i dont think it totally works either. i dont think dragons are just work animals like dogs or horses, i think theyre sentient And sapient. dragons arent interesting to me if theyre just dumb animals. the interesting part of dragons is a human (or near human) intelligence in an animal form.

as for your last statement…. my contrarian nature means i need to play devils advocate even to my own statements. the smallfolk also wanted aerys ii back. just because people like someone doesnt make them good. i love the proletariat, i am one, but sometimes the people are stupid. all my ‘aegon ii is just like his dad!’ posting means viserys was also just like aegon. he also wanted, tried, to be a Good, Just king. kind to the smallfolk. (before otto trained it out of him) but because of when hotd was set and the breakneck pace they set, they have to *tell* us this instead of *showing* it. (thats bad storytelling. thats bad writing.) but it also means if push came to shove i think viserys wouldve responded in the same way aegon did (maybe not as hasty, but the same Feelings. Instincts) everyones favorite marxist smallfolk loving king mindlessly executing dozens (if not hundred(s?)) of innocent smallfolk because One of them was guilty. shattering endless lives. viserys tells lyonel he wishes he had been tested and lyonel responds by telling him many who have only wished to be spared it. viserys would not have been able to handle being ‘tested’. aegon ii Will not.

[lovelykalopsia]

Day 1: Trope Subversion Bad Boy trope cuz I though it would be funny

@mcyt-aro-week

"Y'know, this is a bit pathetic of you, dont you agree?" Grians voice broke his train of though, though it wasnt much of a train and more of one cart going around and around in never ending loop of nothingness, and that analogy was quickly getting away from him. "No, Grain, I don't think pining from Mr. Goodytwo shoes is pathetic, totally don't, where could you ever get that idea?" That sounded like it had more venom than it needed to, but then again maybe he really needed that much venom, or maybe even more, who knows?

"Hey! No need to get bitchy, Im just saying, your trying to keep your 'bad boy' appearance while also going for someone who is the complete opposite." Grian shrugged, and Joel knew Grian thought it was pathetic, but grian didnt have much to say with whatever he had going on with the tall lanky kid, Mumbo or something, not important anyways. This time Joel didn't reply, instead just groaning and hiding his hands in his face. "This is terrible" He mumble into his hand. He could hear Grain laugh at this, but he mostly tried to tune it out.

Jimmy groan, flopping down face first on his, Tango, and Scotts bed, right next to the others. "I don't know what to do guysss" he practically whined, though it was muffled by him shoving his face in the bed. Jim felt a hand start to mess with his hair and groaned louder.

"I mean, I think the best thing to do it tell him?" Tango suggested, though it sounded more like a question, like he himself wasnt sure that was a good idea.

"Well yeah, but I don't even know if he likes me like that or is intrest in that!" He finally pulled his head away from the bed so they could hear him better.

"You'll never know untill you ask, Sweetie. Amd even if he isn't interested I'm sure he'll still want to be friends, mostly because he isnt that dumb." God, Scott always knew what to say in situations like this, because no offense to Tango but his advice is horrible.

"I guess thats true...when should I tell him?" Jimmy asked, rolling over to stare at the celling. Honestly he didn't even know how he would go about it, he really isnt sure how Joel feels about him, because sure they talk and Joel isnt particularly mean, hes actually quite nice to him, but that doesn't automatically mean Joel would be interested in a qpr.

"You could always met him today?" Scott suggested, though it didn't make much sense because last he knew, Joel spends his weekend with Grian, being 'bad boys' whatever that could mean for them, noone really knows anyways.

"I really couldn't, hes usually busy with Grian."

"Maybe hes not..?" Scott definitely did something, hes not sure but he didnt something to get Joel away from Grain.

Joel felt his phone buzz in his pocket and then heard a ringtone, indicating that it was infact Scott texting him this time, gosh what could that man what today. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone, quickly unlocking it and going to his messages with Scott.

Scotty boy: joel, are you prehaps busy right now?

Joel: Not really what do want now.

Scotty boy: how would you feel about meeting up? Like right now at the cafe near your house.

Joel: ig i could, why

Scotty boy: well mr.bad boy, I have something important to tell you, but if you reallyyy dont want to, Ig it could wait

Joel: ugh ill be there in 5.

Scotty boy: perfect!

"Bloody hell, what could he want now" He mumble under his breath, pocketing his phone before standing up and walking to his dresser to find clothes that would make him look semi presentable.

"Joel, whatcha doin'?" Grian asked, slightly confused on what was happening.

"Scott wants to meet up with me for some odd reason I dunno why." Joel answered, Shrugging on a pull-over and a pair of trousers.

"Uhh okay, have fun with that, Ill be here." Grian said, pulling out his phone, probably inviting someone over while he's gone. Joel let out a 'mhm' and made his way to the door.

"Scott, why are you dressing me up like some kinda of toy?" Jimmy waw beyond confused right now. All he knew that he and Scott where going a on a date, as Scott put it, to some cafe hes never heard of.

"You want to look good for out date right? And no offense but I dont trust you to dress yourself Jim" Scott replied, throwing some more of Jims clothes on the floor, which would need to be washed later because of that.

"I guess, but I can infact dress myself just find, I'm an adult y'know."

"You're an adult who doesn't know how to dress well."

"I disagree I think I look perfectly fine." Jimmy knows he looks decent atleast, not bad enough to where he has to get dressed by someone else.

"Oh shush and let me do this or Joel will never want a qpr with you." Huh, strange.

"What are you talking about with Joel?"

"What?" Well, now Scott was just playing dumb with him, god dose he hate when Scott dose that.

"Scott, you said something about Joel, why?" He wasn't going to stop untill he got answers...he might actually that seems annoying for both of them.

"I didn't. Anyways, hurry and put these on so we can leave."

Joel made it to the Cafe fairly quickly, which was expected because he lives fairly close to the cafe, and now he was just waiting too see whatever Scott wanted. He flinched a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to find Scott and Jimmy..? What in the world, why was Jim here.

"Hope we didn't keep you waiting too long, Jim was taking a superr long time to get ready." Scott said like it was nothing, sitting down across from Joel.

"Hello, Scott and Tim. I didn't know you were coming with Scott."

"I didn't know you were going to be here." Jim sat down next to Scott. Also, it was weird, why didn't Jim know he was going to be there, he assumed Scott would have told him, but he also didn't tell Joel Jim was coming so it wasnt fully outta the picture that he didnt know.

"So Scott...what did you need to tell me?" Joel asked, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets.

"Well, I may have lied, it was actually Jimmy who wanted to tell you something, just needed me to get you here so I'll be taking my leave bye, Ill be taking me leave." Scott Stood up, giving Jims hand a small squeeze and whispering something to him.

"So, Tim, what was it that you needed to tell me?"

"Well, uh maybe I had something to tell you and maybe its embarrassing so like dont judge me?" Jim's voice shook a little as he spoke, either from nerves or possibly fear, Joel didnt really know.

"I won't judge" unless it was something stupid, but Jim didn't need to know that.

"Okay, well I have to, y'know, like be your partner, if you'll have me" Joel was speechless, that was not on his bingo card for today, not that he was complaining.

"I, uh, yeah, I would like that too."

[alex-supremacy4]

OKAY SL MY OPINION ON WW..

might delete later, just felt in a willy's wonderland mood rn (my silliest mood)

tl;dr at end if ur too lazy to read everythimg

tw: mentions of death, mentions of s3x, spoilers, etc

chris did NKT deserve to get killed. he literally didnt. but you know who did? BOB AND THAT BITCH KATHY. AARON AND DAN DIDNT DESERVE TO GET KILLED EITHER, TJEY BARELY EVEN DID SHIT

KATHY AND BOB DESERVED TO BE KILLED. LITERALLY. BOB WAS BEING THE FAT FUCK HE IS, BUT KATHY IS WORSE. SHE WAS TRYING TO SEDUCE CHRIS, AARON AND DAN EVEN WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH BOB. AND THEN, HAD S3X IN THE MIDDLE OF A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION LIKE BITCH RECOGNIZE THE SITUATION YOUR ASS IS IN RIGHT NOW. AFTER THAT, SHE DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO HELP BOB NOT DIE AND WASNT EVEN WILLING TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL LIKE PULL THE ANIMATRONIC AWAY OR HIT IT, ETC. SHE JUST RAN TO THE DOOR AND TRIED TO GET OUT FAST. SHE WAS AN ASSHOLE GIRLFRIEND AND DESERVED TO GET HER ASS KILLED OFF. SO DID BOB, BUT I FELT A BIT BAD BECAUSE HE WASNT EVEN HELPED AT ALL AFTER THAT.

BUT CHRIS. I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD FOR CHRIS. HE DIDNT DESERVE TO DIE I SWEAR. HE WAS SO FUCKING SWEET (excrpt for the time he rammed into bob but not in THAT way, just ran into bob and got them stuck inside of the resturaunt.) AND CARED ABOUT THEM SM. AND THEN HE TRUSTED CAMMY. HE TRUSTED HER HE FUCKING TRUSTED HER. AND THEN HE WAS BACKSTABBED. LIKE NO THAT DIDNT HAPPEN!!! HE GRABBED CAMMYS TONGUE AND CHOPPED IT OFF BEFORE HE COULDVE DIED AND RAN OFF EITH THE JANITOR AND LIV BEFORE THEY COULDVE GOTTEN STOLEN BY WILLY OR THE GRANDMA PEROSN THING CALLED SHERRIF LUND.. (im delusional) But anyways HE DIDNT DESERVE ANG OF THAT.

DAN WAS JUST A SILLY LITTLE GOOBER WHO DIDNT DESERVW TO DIE EITHER, NOOO I DONT KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT!!! HIS INSIDES DIDNT GET TORN OUT AND EATEN OUT BRUTALLY, HE WAS FIGHTING BACK FOR HIS LIFE AND SUCCEEDED AND SAVED EVERYONE ELSE FROM DYING (except for kathy and bob) AND FLEW AWAY ON A TAP DANCING FLYING OVERSIZED DOG (im delusional pt2)! AND HE WAS JUST TRYINH TO HELP I THINK BUT THEN IT BACKFIRED ON HIM. I HATE YOU SIREN SARA AND TITO GREEN Turtle ASS THING.

aaron.. aaron.. AARON DIDNT DIE NOT MY KID NOT MY BBG. I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT HE DIDNT GET IMPALED WITH A SWORD BY THAT DUMBASS KNIGHTY KNIGHT BITCH HE LIVED BY REALIZING WHAT WILLY'S SONG MEANT, TURNED TO LOOK BEHIND HIM, GRABBED THAT BITCHES SWORD AND FOUGHT HIS ASS TO THE DEATH UNTIL HE FINALLY GOT HIM AND STABBED HIS ASS!!!!! HE THEN TAP DANCED OVER THAT BITCHES CORPSE, FLEW AWAY WITH HIS FRIENDS (but left bob and kathy behind) AND PLAYED FLAPPY BIRD WHEN THEY GOT HOME! (im delusional pt3). AARON DIDNT DWSERVW THAT SHIT BUT HE TRIED TO STOP CHRIS FROM GETTING AT BOBS ASS BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER, HE WAS SO <33 PLEASE BRING HIM. BACK I LOVE HIM HE SHOULDVE DIED LAST OR NEVER EVEN DIED AT ALL

LIV AND THE JANITOR WERE SO ICONIC. THEY WERE SO COOL AND SILLY AND LITTLE GOOBERS IM SO GLAD THEY DIDNT DIE BUT THE FACT THE JANITOR LET (I THINK) WILLY BLOW TWO POWERFUL ASS ATTACKS TO HIM MADE ME CRY SO VIOLENTLY LIKE WTF. HELLO????????? TELL ME THAT SOMEONE ELSE CRIED AT THAT PART TOO PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO SOB WITH ME WHILE WE REWATCH THE MOVIE 4 TIMES PLEEAAHAHAHAHASE IM BEGIGNG YIU. PLEAS3 PLEAS E PLESD RPLEASE.. also im makijg a willys wonderland au with m. characters and sneak peek: kathy doesnt exist so the charavter thats bob is just gonna be. complete asshole with no bitches and dies first 🥶🥶

i HATE THAT BITCH SHERRIF LUND. SHE TRIED LEAVING JANITOR TO DIE AND FORCED LIV TO LEAVE THE JANITOR BEHIND. AND THEN SHE LURED IN WILLY, NOT EXPECTING HIM TO BE BEHIND HER INSTEAED.. AND YOU KNOW EHAT??? SHE GOT WHAT SHE DESWRVED. SHE GOT KILLED AND SLICED IN HALF, LIKE SHE SSHOULD BE. SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HER PALXE AND WHY THE FUCK SHE WOULD SACRIFICE A GOOD PERSOSNS LIFE JUST FOR THAT CRAPPY ASS TOWN THAT IS TOTAL SHIT AND DOESNT EVEN DESERVE TO EXIST.

evan is my silly goofy goober boy and nothing can change that.. EVAN DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING THOUGJ, SO IT CHANGED S LITTLE BIT BECAUSE HE WAS KINDNOF TOTAL SHIT TO LIV IN THE CAR AND KIND OF DESERVED TO GET EATEN BY ARTY ALLIGSTOR OR TITO TURTLE . FORGOT WHICH IT WAS BUT EH.. IM NOT EVEN GONNA BE DELUSIONAL FOR THIS PART BECAUSE H. WAS KIND OF TOTAL SHIT.

tl;dr: kathy and bob are asses and deserved to die. chris, dan, and aaron didnt deserve to die. liv and janitor deserved to live. i hate sherrif lund. i kind of dislike evan but still love him.

thNk you for listening t my rant bye bye

by : khel / micheal ^_^

[ptolomeia]

Alright tumblr, looks like I'm gonna be fairly bedbound for the next foreseeable future. Given my total lack if energy and occasionally struggling to even stay sitting, help me pick which of my story ideas I should spend the next while working on.

Your Options

1) Austistic Epistolary

This story will be an epistolary novel told by an Autistic debutant with a special interest in the creation and construction of high fashion, but who does not like new clothes, and her best friend, who is stuck out in the country for her health, as they navigate what their changing lives will look like, and hope our Debutant find a good match.

2)Singlet System Fantasy Romance

In this fantasy setting, in our Main character's village, every Summer, someone moves into a cottage down the road. She only ever stays for the summer, and has come every summer our main character can remember. They've had a crush on her for about as long. One day, our MC gets attacked by a vicious magic beasty, and is saved by the Summer lady. Except, she sounds different. And she moves different. And she certainly swears a lot more. And our MC had no idea she could do that kind of magic.

Years later, after travelling far far from their home village, our MC meets their Summer Lady. Except, this time it's winter. And this time, she is acting much more like did in the conflict with the beasty. Our MC has to find out what is going on.

Or, a story about a System with four cohosts with an unusual agreement on how to share their body gets found out, and learns to let someone get to know all of them, and maybe even have some of them fall in love.

3)Paranormal Romance with Politics (victorian or regency type setting)

Sarah knew her uncle Rowan wasnt her actual uncle. After all she was human, and Uncle Rowan was fae. Apparently her father had somehow saved uncle Rowan's life and now they are family. He's always been her favorite uncle though, he never made her feel odd. Everyone else thought she was so... different that she was a confirmed spinster by now, weighing down her younger (more normal) siblings eventual chances at a good match.

So, when her uncle comes to her and her father wanting to see if she'd be willing to marry his son and heir, who is beset by people wanting to marry him to use him and tip a very careful balance of power, she agrees. She loves her uncle, wants to help him, and besides, it's not like her current life has much of a future. And besides, she's met two of his three children and got along very well with them, so the last one can't be that bad, right?

Unfortunately it is only after she arrives in the fae realm that she learns exactly who she is engaged to: that terribly rude Fae she'd met the night of her debutant ball with whom she'd traded insults, after he spoke so poorly of her uncle.

Of course, there are some other issues as well. The politics of tbe fae realm were something Sarah's father had sheilded her from and so, while she'd known her uncle Rowan was a fae noble, she hadn't realized he was the High King. Now she finds herself engaged to a man she detests, getting ready to be the next high queen of the fae, and target of political factions who, if they can just get rid of one pesky mortal, believe they can install one of their own as the next high queen. (Enemies (ish) to lovers with political deliciousness let's goooooooooooo)

[sootcore]

vent post

i wanna be in love again so fucking bad dude. I wish I didnt have so many obvious insecurities. Also like, i’m really scared that I genuinely cannot experience attraction or have someone be attracted to me. I can’t even hold a conversation with my friends without getting scared or frustrated or tired, and I miss when I could spend all day with someone instead of being irritated after a two hour call. How am I gonna make someone happy when I can’t even do that? I don’t think I really bring enough to the table to ever really be liked, and i’m much too distant from anyone to even try. I don’t even know how to make new friends anymore, let alone keep up conversations and let the hell alone form a romantic bond with someone. God, i’m gonna be 26 next month and it feels like i’m leagues behind as a person, and with as supposedly traumatized as I am; which I can barely bring myself to believe, i’m really scared i’m gonna drive myself into total isolation by the time i’m thirty. I’m really scared, and what really scares me is that i dont even feel like im fixing it, like im barely trying. Is this being nonverbal? Am I just like? sociopathic? is this agoraphobia? avoidance? Dude I just wanna feel safe with people without having to go and create a safe space for myself. I wish I didn’t feel like some enormous misplaced monster everyone’s putting up with, I wanna be fuxking normal so damn bad. I wanna be normal and live a normal life and not think all damn day about how there’s something wrong with me and i’m nervous and constantly irritated. Who could ever even like that? Who could really want that? And god that and there’s not much to physically like about me. I hate that I expect to be last choice. I hate being told “i would have asked you out but i went with them instead” and its always someone who’s infinitely fucking meaner than me. Either that or my thoughts are just really warped and I don’t notice how awful I am as a person, im sure im barely aware anyway. I drove everyone away and now I deserve to suffer for it, so I think this is all a hell of my own creation. I really just want a fucking hug and to cry with someone for a little while and to feel like a person again. I feel like i lost so much of myself and everything i used to love just feels empty and stupid to care about. I wish i was worth more and I just wasnt so goddamn embarrassing and wrong.

[jemamore]

orz

blerghhhhhh I just cant even put into words to even type anything or write anything to like just catharsis. this time last year i applied for a bunch of new jobs in another city because i wanted to move on with my life i wanted to work towards a masters or work towards degree apprenticships, that job ended up being a fucking nightmare members of staff were aggressive and the manager didnt have a fucking clue so i left i couldnt even fathom staying any longer in an unsupported workplace any confidence in myself or my mental health just poof gone just absolutely fucked to shreds in 5 weeks, then i worked my fucking arse off applying for every job under the sun and i think i had about 6 job interviews total, 4 of them in 2 weeks, and got the job im currently in and started 4 and a half months ago. had to deal with being on bad different adhd meds that destroyed what i had left of my wellbeing, i started off so badly at work i really pissed everyone off and i shouldnt have been working in like march and april, and im not allowed to move on from that, its june and im still facing the repercussions of joking that i needed a new job stating that i couldnt cope with the boredom of slow days, i fucked up by being nihilistic and honest. i get told that i don’t show initiative i get told that i don’t show motivation to complete training documents, i tell people im sorry i have adhd i have dyslexia im sorry and no one gives a shit, the big team manager thinks shes the lord of all knowledge about neurodiversity and its honestly the worst thing that could have happened because she says my mental health and my conditions arent good enough to fit the role, so im just staring down the barrel of being unemployed AGAIN aged 28 with no future prospects, no hope to ever move out, no money, i rely on public transport which makes my employment choices very limited, i don’t feel stable enough to try driving again, i feel so fucking miserable and so fucking hopeless because I’ve only got 3 and a half working days before im told if im losing my job or not, I’ve given up, im terrified, im jujst so so so so overloaded with anxiety, the worst part is i cant even die because I’ve worked with people whove taken attempts on their life and all you get is broken bones and brain injuries, and i know its not really the right thing someone who works in rehab to say but if i have little to no quality of life being an able bodied person i will have no quality of life at all if i end up with life changing injuries, i cant fathom facing a hospital stay in the fucking hospital i work in,,,,,, if it was a major trauma id be literally a patient on the ward i work in, if it was enough i didnt have to be air lifted to the big city id be in the local hospital on the wards i literally left a year ago. i cant even kill myself i know too much so im trapped, im fucked my entire life is fucked up I’ve just ruined anything i had positive i have nothing and i logically know what to do but i just feel so fucking hopeless im so terrified about going through mental health services again and then what next having to get back into employment and i have to hand over 5 separate references to cover 3 years of working, and my last 2 references being absolutely shit, and if i end up with a break in employment im going to have to explain that my previous employer let me go because i wasnt good enough, i don’t know what im going to do i don’t know what to do im so restless i cant do anything but then im so utterly utterly bored my life is boring and tedious and its only going to get more boring and more tedious i have nothing to show for my life of boredom, im fucked 100000000000000% fucked and theres nothing i can do about it, its too late im so fucked

[heybaetae]

the person im talking to (we're not officially together) but we've been 'talking' for a long time asked me when was the last time i hooked up with someone (its been awhile for me) and then i asked back thinking it would be at least a very while ago but he said a few months ago... my heart sunk. i asked if it was before or after i officially confessed (cause we always talked but never really said it) and he said before, but even before i officially said anything, we were 'talking' in a certain way before so its not like it was new, it was just now officially said. and i thought back to when i started feeling he was being distant months before i said it and he wouldnt hit me back for a few days etc but my point is, i had a weird feeling he was hiding something from me then and i guess i was right? i know we're not exclusive but i feel kinda bamboozled now... and i know technically nothing wrong was done, but i feel hurt and confused now. i just had the thought that, if he was talking this way with me, the possibility of anyone else wasnt there but i was wrong.. and now we've crossed a lot of lines since i confessed but now it feels wrong. like now idk if i want this relationship. he didnt want to be exclusive until we hung out in person and there's nothing wrong with that but i cant help but feel so played even tho i wasnt (technically)? idk. and i cant be 100% sure it really was /before/ i confessed my feelings. even when i did confess he said he already knew but just let me be, and he also said he liked me and thought it was obvious. idk the way he spoke to me i thought i was the only one. i was wrong and now im second guessing if i want anything with him. here i was ignoring everyone trying to talk to me cus i thought he was doing the same. the thing is we never said not to, i just assumed, i know this is on me for not being clear but i cant help but feel so trash about it. i feel so stupid cause i put myself here but idk if not continuing the relationship a bad call or not

first of all, i’m so sorry about this situation and the amount of confusion you’re experiencing. your feelings ARE valid here. it is so eerily similar to a situation i once had, so it’s kinda of remarkable that you felt like you could trust me!

i experienced almost exactly this same thing. someone i was speaking to for months was not as open with me as i thought i deserved given our situation. i was blindsighted by their actions when they went on a date with someone. even though we weren’t exclusive, i was made to feel like i was the only one they were interested in and that it was going somewhere, and i felt really hurt when i confronted them about it and they shrugged me off and accused me of seeming uninterested. i liked them so much, so it was hurtful and i felt lead on. communication and honesty is SO important and i was really turned off after that.

so all i can say is please trust your gut here. even if you weren’t exclusive, he could have at least been upfront with where you both stood with each other much sooner. it’s not fair to play games with someone’s feelings only for it to come up later and make them rethink everything you’ve ever said or felt about each other. it definitely teaches a valuable lesson about being transparent with a potential partner, if you were heading down that road. of course in a sense, everyone has a right to do what they want if they’re not officially attached, but just be transparent! make sure everyone is on the same page. it’s not that hard and it better avoids misunderstandings like this.

if you’re second guessing anything about someone, that should tell you something. i hope you can both figure things out and talk about where you stand. i personally wasn’t able to continue being involved with the person. it’s complicated and i totally get it!

[thewantedunwanted]

Interviewer: First off, let's put a CW (Content Warning) for Suicide/Ideation here for folks.

Continuing on the last post, which visited the topic of death and people caring for other people. I was recently made aware of gg's decision to end his life once OMC's elderly ESA (emotional support animal) passes away. Is that still his plan?

OMC:

It appears so.

Interviewer:

And you reached out to gg's friend when you learned of it?

OMC:

Yes.

Interviewer:

What were you hoping to accomplish?

OMC:

Yes, I reached out to gg's and my close friend. We'll call them "D". I wasn't yet able to articulate to myself or the rest of our system why I was reaching out. Just that gg was hurting, feeling rejected, feeling that ppl saw him as bad. Seeing 5 years of pandemic isolation stretching out into infinity. And now his ideation had formed into a fleshed out plan. It was too much to hold by myself, with most of our system asleep, it's mostly me and him.

Since the call, Ive realized I wanted this person to reach out to him, reach him in ways I can't. gg and I are very close. But there is also tension there and mistrust. I've caused him a fair amount of emotional harm trying to manage my social anxiety. My management has come at great cost to his own autonomy and happiness.

Interviewer:

How did that call go?

OMC:

It was by text, actually. Um. It went terribly. My approach wasnt good. I didnt make any requests for them to do anything. I didnt yet know why I was reaching out. This person, D, is his best friend. D then became my best friend after the two of us met and got to know each other. D's reaction was to get protective of me, instead of gg. Saying essentially gg should go into hybernation rather than murdering me and the others. It landed in all of his most vulnerable spots.

I didnt mention to D that gg asked the rest of us to come with him. Or that I hadn't said "no"... I-we, have accomplished a lot in our lives. Literally history changing accomplishments. Our over-name is in a queer history book. Even that whole thing aside, we've been involved in wildly successful international projects. Our work is used in schools across the US and in various other countries. Volunteer. So, Im not money bags. The opposit really Id be homeless so easily. Have been a few times. That's aside. See, I get especially restless when Im not working on a project. The more disabled I become, the harder that is. The louder volume the pain and discomfort in my body registers. And with the covid 19 pandemic, the apathy of the majority of not only the planet, but my inner social group. Watching people become disabled, die. Knowing if I get covid, I'll likely die or become further disabled. And realizing there is yet another way I'm separated. These are good people. They would be, because I'm picky. They arent apathetic because they don't care. Their brains have reached capacity and shut something off where we used to be on similar pages. People arent randomly dying and being disabled. Other people are killing and disabling them. Maybe, probably, some of my closest friends are killing and disabling others. And to them Im just someone with anxiety and ocd. Unreliable because Im mentally ill. Regardless of the vast amounts of primary source research I did. My intellect was celebrated before the pandemic. Then it was just suspect.

So, I found a local group of people who I at least had pandemic hygiene in common with. And I liked. I put on free disaster preparedness classes. It was something. It was important. gg stayed out of the space. hybernating often. waking miserable, angry, unbearably sad. He wasnt prone to depression. That was more my thing. He's hyper-social. He needs people like I need a purpose. He begged to finally join the group. I knew it was important. I didnt realize the total depth of the significance

He joined and lit up. I havent seen him blossom like that since we graduated uni and before most of his friends eventually moved away. It was so good. Until, in a day, it wasnt.

He told a moderator "no". He hadnt broken a rule. The moderator wanted the rules to be different. And we had a friend cross a boundary attempting to recruit me to help manage gg. It was rapid dominos from there. The fallout hit him like a sledge hammer. And it didnt miss me. In one fell swoop, he was out of the group and I was shunned in the group. Not by everyone. But when you go from well-liked to barely interacted with, it's a knife.

So here's one of my most precious people, gg. He's been hurting for years on years, sleeping and waking in worse shape each time. He asks me to help end that pain. To do so, it requires me to walk into the dark with him. If our ESA werent here and he asked today, the answer is an easy given. A tilted take on the trolly problem, no? 6 months from now? 2 years? I told him I didnt have an answer yet. Life may have changed, for either of us. Hopefully for both of us.

The others? Similarly waking for short periods of time after months or years pass, all of their friends moved on with their lives, disappeared, or dead. No longer peers in the same age group. hell, gg's in the body of a 40yo. Even before his stints of hybernation, he's always been younger than the body, complicated by being an age slider with the heart of an 8 year old. Parts of him have finally arrived to his early 20s. But look around, a 20 yo forming a friendship or relationships with someone in a 40yo system?? Ive asked gg to not date anyone under 30. A very uncomfortable compromise for me personally, 30 is younger than I would prefer. And he is young to be dating 30yos...

He's more impervious than some. But he's also an increadably tender kid. Carrying so much disapproval from others. From me. It gets through and causes damage.

We've arrived here.

Interviewer:

Your thoughts on Joel's trolly problem decision in the video game The Last of Us?

OMC:

Depends who you ask. Amy's take on the trolly problem years back was, "Even if I love someone, I would sacrifice them (or myself) for the greater good." Ask gg and... "quantity aint quality. maybe the other ppl suck. for sure my life would suck more without this person. aint doin it."

Interviewer:

Ok. So gg wont sacrifice someone he cares about. Would he sacrifice himself for strangers?

OMC:

That is a more difficult question. Has he ever talked to them? Does someone he cares about know them? Are they an actor playing a character he likes? If the answer is "no", there is a chance that they won't register as real people to him. Will he perceive the situation as "gg and 10 strangers"? Or the equivalent of "gg and 10 cardboard cut outs"? Like I would imagine for most people, he would not sacrifice hinself to rescue cardboard.

Interviewer: Say he registers the situation as "gg and 10 strangers"?

OMC:

Putting the trolly problem aside, do you care about strangers?

Interviewer:

I mean, sure.

OMC:

Why?

Interviewer:

Because they are people. I don't want bad things to happen to people whether or not I know them.

OMC:

But, why?

Interviewer:

[ x ]

OMC:

Leaving the theoretical, gg has protected a stalker at risk to his own safety. This stalker, we'll call "R", was previously a friend who became dangerously fixated when we wouldnt date her and we refused to end things with a friend gg was sleeping with. R threatened to kill us, broke into someone's else's house to steal our (necessary) new phone number, and so on. Serious stalker situation. The following incident was after the university tried to prohibit R from approaching us on the grounds or being in the same building with us. But took place before they expelled her and put a restraining order on her entering school grounds.

R shows up to a bar gg is at. We notice her because there's a commotion. R has gotten into an animated verbal sparring match of some sort with a random, drunk bar patron. Said patron is a sturdy dude. At a point, bar patron has gotten up from his seat, rounded on R and looks ready to violently put his hands on her. gg has gotten up by this point, pulls R behind him and apologizes to the guy, got him bantering, smoothes things over. It could have gone very differently.

Why would someone protect their own stalker? R was, maybe still is, a more than theoretical person to gg. People matter very much to gg. He just lives in a sparsely populated world.

Would he sacrifice himself for strangers? It's a toss up. Once you're at least on the same plane of real/likely real, he'll decide in the moment.

Disappointingly Necessary Disclaimer:

gg isn't a serial killer. or any kind of killer. He has never even been in a fist fight. He's not mean to animals either. People with DID are more likely to be the recipients of violence than the purpetrators. When someone in a system does violence, it is likely to be defensive of self or others. Some people, plural or not, can be violent. But it is not a distingushing trait for people with DID.

[mikeyelistsukasa]

Hanako,Sakura,Teru,Tsukasa & Kou seeing Darling‘s SH scars for the first time

Tw: self harm ofc,scars mentioning,basically dark topic

An:yeah it wasnt requested,i wrote that because…why not?Enjoy NOT PROOF READ

please do not self harm yourself. And im sorry to those who already done it or ho though it. Stay strong and don’t give up. Ily all

You were cleaning the bathroom today because yashiro was sick today and kou had to leave early

Not that you minded. You still have company and that is hanako and those little adorable mokke‘s.

This is a lot better than going home and just lying in bed doing nothing or homework.

„say s/o-chan/kun, how come you agreed to clean the bathroom? Most people would decline it you know, GASP don’t tell me you enjoy my company~“

„Oh sush will ya? Im doing this cause i feel bad for yashiro…but i suppose you are correct about me enjoying your company“

Hanako smirked, happy at the response you gave him

„Now tell me where is the sponge and gloves so that i can start cleaning the toilet“

„Oh!- its over there“

Hanako pointed to the left corner

„I’ll bring them to you :D“

Hanako decided to spare you these 5 steps and decided to bring them to you

But just as he turned around he saw you pulling your sleeves up so that you wont get your sweater dirty

You reached out your hand to take it but before hanako gave it to you he

He noticed scars?

This boy stared in shock at your wrist

„Uhm…hanako? Can you give me the gloves already?“

Suddenly you are being grabbed against dour wrist

„S-S/O YOUR ARM I- WHAT HAPPEND ?!! WHO DID THIS?!?? DOES IT STILL HURT??!!“

It took you a second to understand that he is talking about you scars

„O-oh! I totally forgot i had them“

You laughed a little seeing hanako‘s worried expression

„DONT LAUGH! YOU ARE HURT“

Just before he could go to grab some bandages you gently grabbed his hand

„Pft Hanako…im okay.“

You sat down with the ghost

„Im sorry for laughing i guess heh, your worried expression was pretty cute tho~“

Hanako flushed at that but you could still he his concerned look

„To answer your questions. I self harmed. I did that to myself. And no they do not hurt anymore because i quitted“

You smiled gently hoping it will relax the poor boy for a bit

But i think you only did worse

„Yourself??? Why??? Dont tell me someone forced you to do it to yourself. When did you quit???“

„Geez give me a break dude haha….i had a very hard time back then where i thought doing this is the only way to release stress.i had big family issues at that time but now everything is doing well.and to answer your last question i did about 2 years ago. So again do.not.worry“

Hanako blinked processing every word you just said

„I see“

Suddenly he stands up reaching out a pair of gloves

„Well ready to continue cleaning?~“

You and Sakura were sitting in the broadcasting room enjoying some cup of tea while reading books

„Hm“

„Is there something wrong?“

Sakura asked without taking her eyes from her book

„No not at all. I just got really invested in the book you gave me its very interesting i like it! Thank you by the way“

Sakura smiled to herself hearing that and went back to reading her book

Suddenly instead of reaching her cup, Sakura accidentally spilled her cup of tea with her elbow all over your pretty white gloves

„Ow ow ow ow ow hot hot hot!“

„Oh no dear- im sorry i didnt mean to do that, it was an accident“

You slowly take off the glove

„It’s alright don’t worry hah! Everyone doesn’t mistakes“

Sakura couldn’t help but let a slight sigh of relief hearing that

Thought that relaxed aura she just had disappeared right this instant after seeing your wrist

You stared at her in confusion

„…..S-sakura?“

Sakura stared at your wrist realising those are old scars and coming to a conclusion that you stopped this awful habit

…but just in case-

„You don’t do this anymore. Right?“

„Eh? Oh! Nono don’t worry i quitted. Im okay now :D“

„Understood“

Sakura grabbed gently both of your hands

„I’ll go get you new gloves“

„Oh don’t worry it’s okaaaaaaand she is already on her way„

“Hey s/o.”

You saw Teru sitting next to you

“How come you always wear a sweater under your uniform? I mean its summer. Aren’t you like sweating under there?”

“Ah hello Minamoto-kun. No im not sweating under it. And i wear it because its my favourite sweater! Ofc i wouldn’t wear it if it was that hot for me, i dont like it that much to the point i would sweat under it”

“Well nothing i can do. Also i told you, you can use my first name”

“Yeah yeah okay prince minamoto (¬_¬) “

Boink

“Whaaa what was that for T-T“

“you know exactly why :)“

“say... Wanna go out tomorrow like i dunno swimming? I heard it is going to be very hot tomorrow”

“Hmmm…yeah sure! Im free tomorrow so i don’t mind”

“Great! I’ll meet you there”

And just like that the bell rang and you went your ways

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 | (• ◡•)|

You were waiting for teru at the beach for about 10 minutes already

“Phew, he sure didn’t lie about it being hot today”

You took off your favourite sweater and wrapped it around your torso(or hips idk)

“S/o!”

“Speak of the devil”

You turn around to see none other than Teru Minamoto

“Hey Min- Teru… well where do you wanna go first?”

“Hm how abouuutttt…some ice cream?”

“Sounds great to me!”

And just like that you guys went to get something to refresh youself

And while you two eat you remembered that you need to apply some sunscreen

“Teruuuuuu~”

“Yeah?”

After teru saw s/o holding the sunscreen he without any hesitation sat down allowing s/o to put suncream on him

“In return I get to put sunscreen on you correct?”

“Hmmmmmm alright alright”

After some minutes s/o finished and took off her clothes revealing herself only in a bikini

Teru slightly blushed after seeing s/o in such clothes but stayed respectful non then less

That is until he saw s/o do a ponytail revealing scars on their shoulders

“S-s/o…”

S/o sat down signalling teru to put the sunscreen on their back

“Teru? Is something wrong?”

“What…happened to your shoulders?”

“O-oh… well you see back when i was *insert younger self* i had fallen into pretty deep rabbit hole after loosing something/someone important to me….”

Teru couldn’t tell if you finished talking or want to add something more

“But…”

S/o shows their left/right arm to show more scars

Woah!How did he not notice them before?

“I was only getting more and more let down with each day. To the point i started to let out my anger on myself”

Teru looked at your expression seeing that you were uncomfortable with the topic so he put the cold sunscream without saying anything on your spine

„C-COLD you jerk!!!!“

„Haha. Im sorry we don’t want you get burned right?…Also promise to quit what you are d-„

„I already have don’t worry, these scars are like from 2-4 years ago“

„Oh! Well if you feel like doing it again let me know and I’ll be there gor you“

„pft You sure are cheesy today“

„Well what can i say? Im spending time with the most beautiful person right now“

„Oh my~“

„S/O S/O S/O S/O S/O S/O S/OOOOOOOOOO“

„Sigh what is it tsukasa.“

„Let’s go find some supernaturals to smash!“

„Heh yeah-no not today im very tired right now“

„Awh :(„

„Don’t give me that look“

:(((((

…

„Fine just not for too long…“

„YAAAAAY“

‚i don’t think we will find a supernatural anyway‘ i thought

When out of nowhere i heard some noise

But that was probably just my imagination

„OHHH A MOKKE“

„W-wait tsukasa don’t run away!….great now im alone“

Suddenly i heart the same noise again but this time it sounded like someone was…growling?

Just as i turned around i saw a big supernatural right behind me

I barely managed to dodge his attack but in the process it ripped off my sleeve

„TSUKASA??!?!?!NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO SMASH A SUPERNATURAL“

You closed your eyes ready to take the supernaturals attack

….but nothing came

In fact you heard some…unpleasant noises

You opened your eyes just to see tsukasa smashing the supernaturals face against the floor

You stood up glad that you didn’t get hurt and went up to tsukasa

„Hey…tsukasa thats enough“

„It hurted you…“

„Hm? No it didn’t don’t worry so lets just g-„

„Your arm“

You looked at your arm confused since you don’t feel any pain on it

„Oh! Tsukasa those scars are old its okay it wasn’t the supernatural that did it!“

„There are others that hurt you?…“

Tsukasa stood up and placed his hands on your shoulders

„Tell me who“

His dark aura made you kinda nervous

„Well how do i explain this to you…the one that caused these scars was me“

„S/o is hurting themselves???!!! (」°ロ°)」 „

„No! I mean- it was a long time ago…so do not worry i am not being hurt and im not hurting myself“

Tsukasa didnt quite fully understand why you did that in the first place but hearing you being safe is all that matterd to him.

„well then…LETS GO FIND MORE TO SMASH“

„NO-„

You and kou had teamed up at school to be partners in cooking class

‚They probably teamed up with me cuz they struggle with cooking‘

‚i teamed up with him to spend more time with him‘

Yeaaaaahhhh cooking sure was something

Honestly he didn’t even notice your scars right away after you rolled up your sleeves

He noticed it when he told you to cut the cucumber

„Ow! Stupid knife(╥_╥)“

„S-s/o are you okay?“

„Yeah just a tiny scar on my finger heh“

„Wait let me see- S/O YOUR AR-„

You quickly put your hand against his mouth

„is everything okay here you two?“

„Y-yes mr. (Teachers name)“

That was close

You shouted with a whispering voice

„What was that you idiot???we almost got in trouble“

„your arm its full of scars!!!!“

„Yeah??? So what“

„What do you mean so what???? I got concerned and-“

„You two! Out.now“

…

„.:…Promise to not tell nii-chan that i got into trouble“

„I promise-„

„OH RIGHT your ar-„

„Sighhhh you still on about that?“

„Ofc! What happened??? Who did this???How did it happen???Does it still hurt??? Should i bring anything????“

You let out a small laugh. You hate to admit it but kou being so worried is so cute to you

„Its alright kou. Those are my old selfharm scars“

„huh- but-but why would you hurt yourself?“

„Sometimes people do harm themselves. Some stay up late. Some stop eating and well…“

You looked at your wrist

„Some people harm themselves physically“

Kou grabbed both of your hands

„I might not have a right to say anything about this but please don’t ever do this again! You matter so much to me…the last thing i want is to see my friend/bf/gf/partner suffer while i dont do anything!!! I will do everything and anything you want just please…“

Hearing that made your eyes form up some tears

„D-don’t cry!!! Did i say something wrong??!!!?“

„Oh kou… i promise. Those are old ones so dont worry I’ve stopped…it’s just…hearing this i-„

You hugged Kou tightly which startled the exorcist

„Thank you“

…

Kou hugged you back tightly

„You’re welcome“

Hope i left you satisfied. Stay safe you all and don’t do stupid stuff

[technowoah]

DATING HEADCANONS (Forever and Always For You)

Jason Todd Version

An// I tried 😪 hopefully this is good cause I wanna do my boy justice. This is from my personal headcanons and also based on what Ive read of him. Also for a warning there is sexual innuendo and sexual stuff mentioned so do what you want with that...

Beginning of your relationship

Just to start please give this man all of your love. We all know hes pretty insecure, so he needs that validation from you. During the relationship he will get more comfortable with himself and actually accept the compliments you throw at him instead of dismissing them. Instead of saying "no" and "no im not" he'll say "okay sure" and "If you say so" trying to hide the smile on his face

In the beginning he was snarky and somewhat cocky. He still is now. But he was trying to impress you. He really wanted to leave an impression and he of course succeeded.

Dates will start off at the most random times. He had Red Hood duties of course. But the dates would consist of late night motorcycle drives. Going to get takeout and eat it on a rooftop. He told you he found the rooftop place by accident. He totally wasnt there a couple minutes ago

"Really, have you thought of dating someone for real?" You asked him this question as you two sat on his bike eating McDonald's.

"Not really. I dont necessarily do "dates" he stuffed fries into his mouth not caring about modesty at this point.

"What? You just fuck and go?" You asked stifling a laugh.

He laughed at your comment, "Basically. This is new to me. One of my firsts in a while."

"Well I hope to be your first and your last."

Okay heres actual relationship headcanons below

He will be your weighted blanket whenever you need him. He loves skinship. He has his hands on you most of the time. On you thigh, lightly grazing your knee, elbow, his arm around your neck, hugging you from behind, hugging you regularly. He loves sneaking in small touches throughout the day. Also you both lay naked besides eachother in bed just because its comfortable and you both love the skin to skin contact.

He gives the most passionate kisses that knock the air out of your lungs. He loves kissing you, its his favorite passtime when you two are home and have nothing else better to do.

Okay but- Jason never really let anyone else kiss anything but his lips, but with you he'll let you do anything to him. Kiss his neck, his chest, his scars, his hands, anywhere and he'll melt instantly, putty in your hands.

You both are equal to eachother. He never tries to dominate you in anyhting other then the bedroom. He never sees you as inferior or that he has to protect you 24/7. He invested in self defense training for you, than relized that the trainer was doing a bad job then insisted on training you himself. Of course he wants you safe, but he trusts you to keep out of harms way. But if the bad guys come to you, Gotham is going to burn.

The time Jason shared about being red hood he thought you were gonna break up with him. But you supported him and surprisingly to him you were okay with him leaving at random times. He will make up for it if he had to leave during a dinner or a special moment, but he'll leave with nothing more with a small kiss and a hope that you'll forgive him later.

Jason likes to spoil you rotton. Either with acts of love or with Bruce's credit card. He drove you to a mall and just gave you his black card

"Jay what are we doing here?"

"Buy yourself anything you want doll, this whole place can be yours if you want."

"This card says Bruce Wayne."

"It does? I must've grabbed the wrong card...Oh well, I guess its fate. Let's go!"

He can be an annoying little shit sometimes though. Refusing to do stuff around the apartment just because he doesn't want to. He'll sit next to you and just stare at you for no reason. Play with your legs by flopping them around, and that somehow starts a wrestling match that you will lose and that turns into him fucking you so teasingly slow.

You belive Jason has multiple personalities. He can be the biggest softy ever. Then the next minute he can the cockiest shit ever. And theres no in-between.

You both love play fighting, it comes naturally to you both. The fights never escalate into anything bad or serious, but they do lead to some good "make up" sex.

You guys dont fight that often, just some arguments here and there like a normal couple, but never anything that would threaten your relationship. Maybe some things are said in the heat of the moment but its always forgiven unless its something about his past.

Still on the topic of fights: Once in a while you both get into a huge fight/screaming match that'll leave one of you leaving the apartment for a certain amount of time. Of course it hurts the both of you, you guys cant spend a long time away from eachother (he'll go away for like a couple of hours now, it used to be days) but sometimes its good to take a break. And of course the make up sex is great but like- You guys know eachother well enough to know whether to cuddle eachother or let eachother have space. No matter what you both will come back to eachother.

You both are huge on communication. At first Jason didn't talk to you about anything, but now after an argument/fight let him go to blow off some steam for some hours and he'll come back to talk your ears off and find a resolution to the problem, or both of you apologize for what was said. There are no unresolved issues in your household. Even if it takes a while you two will always find a way to fix something. Also jason just likes talking to you.

You guys cant get rid of eachother even if you both tried. He thanks his lucky stars each night for you and that you're still here. This man is truly in love with you.

Jason loves cooking for you. Just the sight of you watching him cook as you talk about your day makes his heart flutter. He could open up a restaurant if he wanted to. He learned from Alfred and just purely out of interest so once he learns a new recipe he wants to cook for you, which leads to you both talking about your days while sipping on wine. He loves the small things. Like reading books to you while you comment about what happened. Riding into the night on his motorcycle. Watching you do your morning routine from the comfort of your bed all while he has this love sick look in his eyes.

Speaking of cooking you take turns sharing recipes and cooking for eachother. More often than not you end up cooking for Jason because he dosent know the meaning of self care. You try to get him to take days off, in the beginning he wouldn't give in, but now he will willingly take a break if that means you'll be there.

The highlight of Jason's life was when your neighbor greeted him without Jason having to introduce himself.

"G'morning y/n! Morning Jason!"

"Morning Mrs. Thomas!"

"Morning." Jason had this smirk on his face as he greeted the older lady.

"Hope you both have a beautiful day!"

"You too!" You had to look at him. "Whats with the smug face?"

"I never introduced myself to her. I guess Im doing my job right."

Jason is fucking smooth. He loves to get a reaction out of you by seducing and making you blush (or challenging him and flirting with him back) or saying the cheesist pick up lines ever and making you laugh. It's apart of his job, so of course he is so good at making women fall for him and you fall for it every time and he loves it.

"Aside from being sexy what do you do for a living?"

"Jay."

"Are you a pokemon? Cause I'll like to pik-at-chu.. naked"

"Jason shut the fuck up." You tried to not laugh.

"I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art."

"Stop it-"

"You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.​"

"Okay jason!" You were shying away from his conatant pursuit.

"Wanna fuck?"

"Is that the best you got?"

"No I have more, I just wanted to cut to the chase."

He truly loves confidence. He thinks confidence is sexy. Either confidence in yourself or youre confident in something that you do he is drawn to that it attracts him. And he hopes that when he exudes confidence it draws others in as well. Confidence is key.

But if you aren't confident in yourself he will make sure that you will be soon. He has the upmost confidence in you and believes in you probably more than anyone else. He worships the ground you walk on in his own way. He isnt "Dick Grayson dramatic" but just notice the small ways he appreciates you. Cooking your favorite meal, stocking the pantry up with snacks, getting groceries at 4 am just so you wont have to go in the morning, even taking time off his Red Hood duties to stay in with you. He flatters you so much as well. This man.. he'll give compliments out like nothing, but he cant take compliments well.

Jason slowly opened up to you about his past one night. He told you about his parents, about his death, spilled everything about his current family's identities. It took him a whole night to do so and you listened. He just needed you to listen, but he also encouraged your reactions as well because your reactions are valid to him. He still left some stuff out that night, but one day he'll tell you all of it when he's ready.

Like I said, Jay loves to talk with you. Either in person, on the phone, texting, somehow he needs to know you are there. I feel like Jason hasn't been in a long term relationship, so he wants to spend as much time as possible with you/hearing you. He could die at any moment being Red Hood its a very dangerous job and you know that, every time he goes out he knows that as well and he dosent want the recent kiss to be the last. He texts or calls you sometimes during patrol. So he wants to make sure you are there for him and just there and alive period.

Jay doesn't forgive himself easily, he can be grim sometimes, and he'll sometimes share those grim thoughts to you at night when everything is dark and you cant see his eyes watering. He feels comfortable and vulnerable at night beside you in bed where he can tell you whats been on his mind. No matter how bad it may seem to you, you will always stay and support and help as much as you can.

Jason dosent believe in fate, but he knows that you two were always meant to be together. From the day he was put on this Earth and the day he was brung back onto this Earth he now knows this was the universe's doings. The universe knew Jason needed someone like you in his life and he is never letting you go any time soon.

[jamnotjam]

1 of 1

H.JH x F!reader

Rating: smut, slight fluff

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: friends to lovers arc, college au, tipsy sex, unprotected sex, creampie, (slight) hair pulling, choking, fingering, riding

Requested: no

“Hey! Hey! Y/n!”

You, whos just trying to walk back to your dorm peacefully, hear your friend, hyungjun running towards you yelling your name.

He catches up to you and stops, panting

“hey…y/n”

you laugh lightly

“hey jun, whats up?”

hyungjun has been your friend since you got to college, he sat across from you in the library, so many nights of silent studying together before he finally decided to talk to you

“i…got…a new…game”

he says inbetween deep breaths

“ran…across…campus..for this”

you laugh

“will be agreeing to play them with you make you feel better?”

His face lights up

“really?!”

You nod

“really”

he smiles

“yay! Lets go!”

he wraps his arm around your shoulder and starts walking to his dorm.

Hyungjun opens his front door and holds it open for you, you smile

“okay then, gentleman”

you walk in and take your coat off and hang it up, he runs to his gaming console and picks up a few game discs, you smile and watch him rush to push the first game in, you dont remember the last time he was this excited.

you plop on the beanbag chair next to him. He smiles at you

“you ready to play the best game ever?”

He says, finger on the start button

“lets do this”

you two play the game for the next couple of hours, it wasnt until cans of beer get involved that you guys completely forgot about the game all together.

You guys are laying on your beanbags across from each other, beers in hand. Both of you are tipsy now, jun maybe alittle bit more than you, he sighs after another swig of his drink

“i havent gotten laid in so long”

he looks at you

“what about you”

you sigh

“well….too be honest”

he leans up out of curiosity

“i havent even kissed anyone since i got here”

his jaw drops

“no one?!”

You laugh lightly

“i dont have time!”

“Oh time shmime, sometimes you gotta make time for it”

he sits up

“like now!”

“Huh?”

“Right now you have time, im sure we can find a party or something”

you laugh

“junnie! I dont wanna just fuck the first person i see!”

"Why not? Thats the fun of college!”

You smile

“no, i wanna spend time with you”

he smiles

“awww shucks, dont make me blush y/n”

you giggle and take another swig of your drink

“hey…and totally tell me if this is a bad idea, junnie, but…can i kiss you?”

hyungjun looks at you, cheeks already rosy red

“huh?”

“I know, its a stupid idea, but i havent kissed someone in so long, i dont even remember what its like”

he thinks for a second then nods

“sure, for you”

you smile and sit up, he does too, he pulls himself closer to you, you can smell the alcohol on his breath

“you ready?”

He asks, you nod, he sits his hands on your shoulders and pulls you into a kiss, his lips smashing against yours, you hold onto his waist.

You shut your eyes, enjoying the feeling of kissing someone again, he rests his hand against the side of your face and tilts his head.

Hes the one to pull away first, his face rosy and his lips swollen, hes never looked so pretty, he smiles at you

“that was nice”

he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and gently carresses the side of your face

“wanna do it again?”

you nod vigorously, he chuckles and pulls you in again, lips moving against yours in tandem.

he wraps his hands around your waist and yours go to his hair, he crawls closer to you, body slotted in between your legs, he pulls away and kisses at your jaw

“you have no clue how much ive wanted to do this”

he says in between kisses, he sucks on your collar bones

“when you walk around campus with your short skirts and tight shirts”

he bites lightly on your neck

“i dont know how i control myself, your such a tease”

you moan lightly and accidently tug on his hair, he groans

“fuck”

he pulls away and stares at you, he pulls his shirt off, you do the same.

He pulls you on his lap, you grind down on him, he sends his hands in your pants and past your panties, he strokes your clit and pushes two fingers past your entrance.

He pumps his fingers in and out of you, stretching you out, he stares at you, eyes glossed over.

He fingers you until hes positive your stretched out enough and pulls his hand out, he looks at your juices on his fingers and shoves them in your mouth, you moan as you taste yourself on his fingers.

He pulls his fingers out and kisses you again, hungrily, he bites your lip lightly and pulls away

“you ready?”

He asks, voice dark with lust, you nod.

He pulls your pants down, your hands work on his belt, he lifts himself up and pulls his own pants down, you look at his cock straining against his boxers, your mouth waters in excitement, he chuckles

“like what you see, sweetheart?”

He pulls his cock out his boxers, you sit back on his lap and he moves your panties out of the way, you sink down on his cock, he groans

“fuck, y/n”

his head hits the back of the wall.

You moan as you bounce up and down, he moans

“y/n…so tight”

he takes your hand and places it on his neck, signalling for you to squeeze it, he puts his hands on your hips, guiding you up and down on his cock.

He plants his feet flat on the ground and thrusts up into you, you moan loud, borderline screaming, he thrusts up hard and fast, each time hitting that sweet spot that melts your brain, you squeeze on his neck harder and his thrusts become much sloppier, you can tell hes close, his moans become more high pitched and and his face contorts with pleasure.

He pushes your body down and wraps your legs around his waist, he pounds into you faster than ever and suddenly your high is fast approaching

“sh-shit..y/n..cumming”

he mutters out before thrusting deep within you, filling your womb with his seed, this tips you over the edge too, cumming right after him.

He collapses on top of you, panting

“shit…”

He holds your body close to his and pulls out, still laying ontop of you

“junnie, get off me”

“oh fuck, right”

he rolls over next to you and stares at the ceiling

“is…what you said before true?”

You say as you look at him

“what?”

“About, how you always wanted to do this before”

he looks at you

“well yeah, i thought you were the most beautiful girl when i first saw you”

you smile

“and you are abit of tease”

you laugh

“shut up!”

He giggles and rolls over, placing a peck to your lips

“you dont have to worry about getting laid anymore, kay? You got me”

you smile and nod

“okay, junnie”

Thank you for 20 followers! I know its not that big of a milestone but im grateful for my little audience.

Feedback appreciated!

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[ravilson23]

Okay so new ep of helluva boss came out and... it wasnt very good. For me it was actually the worst episode of all of them and here is why.

First thing, pacing. I think with this episode i finally understood what bad pacing is because everything feels rushed. From action and plot, by sound design to animation. And one of the reasons behind this is too many topics squished in only 20 minutes. We had Stolas and his divorce with Stella, Octavia and all her drama, Blitz and Stolases relationship, M&Ms relationship, Blitzos fear of performing and losing Loona, Loonas past and her getting closer to Octavia. Its so many things and such a short time. And because of this none of the subjects is getting focus nor time to build up emotional tension.

So lets take a closer look at each of those plot points.

First i will talk about Blitz and Stolas, because last episodes were all about it. And they could actually not exist right now because here its totally ignored. I dont know if it was somehow resolved in ep8 of season 1, but we didnt see it so i will just ignore it. All the tension between characters is gone, Blitz is turned on by Stolas praising his sexual skills (which u know, he is still treated like there is nothing more to him than sex), Stolas doesnt seem hurt anymore by being unloved, the Asmodeus Crystals didnt appear (which didnt have to be now, but its still little weird, it seemed important) , and everything went to shit. All this drama, pain and suffering didnt get a pay off and i am so dissapointed. Their dynamic got somehow turned into just being attracted and horny, and all the complicated intresting stuff got wiped out. (I really, really hope it wont be all season 2 and its just a hiccup, please let it be). Their moments are just shallow, short, out of character, or too focused on one of their trait. By this i mean for example Stolas laughing at Bllitzos jokes. Yea, it was adorable, but why do it here? Especially with all those puppy eyes (there was soooo many of them, seriously). And others are laughing too, so its not so special anymore. And in the end even he is bored! Another scene is the one inside a van, it was abrubt, meant to show Blitzos willignes to help Stolas, but the topic got changed so quickly and unnaturally u are just too baffled to react. It also meant shit in the end, cause u know, Loona. It was meant to be important moment but got turned into comedic one. There are actually two scenes i like between them though, first is Blitz calling Stolas, and second is Stolas asking Blitz about Moxxies phone number. It was interesting cause we dont really see Stolas sassy. And Blitz somehow saying exactly the thing he didnt want to say feels like sth he would do.

Now i will use this to write about Blitz. His personal traumas and issues werent treated seriously enough. First his panic attack in the office. It was put here but nothing was done with it. (And it could be powerful to see this usually confident character breaking down in public). Then his willingness to help Stolas (in the van), could show deeper emotions and in the end didnt because he was literally useless. Then we have more important stuff, his fear of performing. It lasted less than a minute i think. Its actually quite important and should have been explored. We know he probably hates himself, so fear of getting rejected and riddiculed makes sense. It may also be connected to some particular trauma from his childhood. But it wasnt in any way hinted that it may be the case and it got resolved very quickly, so apparently the issue wasnt this serious. And lastly his memory of adopting Loona. I feel like this would work much better if it wasnt shown in this ep. I think their relationship should get their own ep, or at least half of it. It could have been explored here (la probably would have to be wiped out) , him wanting to fire Loona is actually a good conflict. She could feel like he is abandoning and rejecting her, for someone who was adopted it feels like a powerful blow. Her anger and hurt would probably lead to some sheanigans, which would end with A. Her understanding that Blitz will love her no matter what and accepting he fucks up, B. Blitz understanding Loona more and maybe becoming a better parent, C. SHOWING THIS MEMORY, D. Moxxie and Millie learning to be less racist (cause here Mox is the one who advised Blitz to speak with Loona [not like he wasnt right, but u know, i dont think they are okay towards Loona either]) .

But okay, lets get to Millie and Moxxie. The biggest problem is that they literally didnt do anything to plot. U could erase them and the only thing u would lose is comedy (which was funny at first, but got boring very quickly). I liked seeing Millie getting tired at Moxxies antics becuse it was new. But i am unsure how much is this in character. Honestly, she was created to be perfect lover, strong and murderous but caring and loving to her partner. Its not much of personality so u can do many stuf but i think she should have her character developed in her own ep so we can explore those changes. Moxxie is also kinda different, because normally he is the responsible one. Wouldnt he go insane if he found out how easy Blitz made it to steal the book from them? Though, on a positive note, him being smug about berating Loona is on point. But him getting distracted in the middle of rescue mission of GOETIA PRINCESS? I believe he would panic hard. But well, we had Blitz already doing that, so the role was filled. The one thing i actually liked were his interactions with Blitz, cause they felt more like friends.

Now Octavia. It may seem like its her episode, but it really isnt. The beginning is good, her being happy, Stolas ignoring her, stealing the book. I actually liked that, it felt like a good conflict to resolve. Suprise it wasnt resolved by Stolas, but by Loona who didnt even know Octavia before! Like, i enjoy them being friends (just friends, please dont make it offical canon ship, i would like to see some platonic relationship for once), but it wasnt her conflict to resolve. It should be Stolas, who for example took her to space to see at least one meteor. (I know we had fireworks, didnt feel good enough). Or something else, but really, this plot didnt change their relationship at all. Its worse version of Loo Loo Land. BUT to say something positive, the line "why does he hates her more than he loves me" ( or sth like that) was great. Shame it was just that.

I wont write about Stella, she is in what, 30s of this ep?

So lastly Loona. She is the best part in my opinion, because she is mostly still in character. Her being angry at Blitz, ignoring Octavia sneaking in, not looking for her in LA depsite being said to do so, calling Moxxie fat. Its all things i think she would do. The only think that doesnt fit is ironically the last scene, with her cheering Octavia up. Or rather being some kind of mentor/ older sister/ please not romantic interes kind of person. I dont think she is mature enough to open like this, nor that understanding after Blitz said he may fire her. Like what the hell? Am i missing something? I also didnt like how she was portrayed in Blitzos memory, and i mean the crying part. I think she wouldnt show her pain cause it was dangerous where she lived. Obviously this part is more my preference than actual critique.

I wish i was done but i am not. (Sorry). Now, some other thing that bothered me a lot was sound design. Did u notice how one melody changes into other without some smooth transition? U can hear this first when action starts to take place in I.M.P. Then another very unfitting change is when van scene starts. This are not all, but they got stuck in my head the most. Even the animation is somehow rushed most of the time. And i dont know exactly why, but i guess it lacks balance? Sometimes anatomy of characters gets lost, other times they move a little too much and there are moments when characters seem to float above backround (i mostly mean when they walk).

All those things makes this weak. So summing up, past episode became irrevelant, characters mostly dont act like themselves, emotional moments that were strong became shallow, there was too many scenes with horny Stolitz ( the worst is shirtless Blitz, come on!), plot wasnt constructed well ( unnecesery plot points - Millie and Moxxie, Brandon Rogers and this sitcom drama, plot focused on everything and in the end nothing) as well as pacing, bad audio design, somehow weird animation, and in generall it feels like filler that works very badly for the show. I obviously will still watch helluva, but i really really hope it wont happen to whole second season. Because if so this show will became a wasted potential and leave me very bitter.

Sorry for long post and for all mistakes i did writing it. Thank u if u read all of this, i am seriously impressed.

[wincore]

field day | jung sungchan

pairing: sungchan x fem!reader

synopsis: when you, as cheer captain, are best friends with the pride and joy of the soccer team, rumors are bound to fly around.

genre: high school au, soccer au, bff2l, fluff

words: 7.5k

warnings: language, jung “the risk i took was calculated but man am i bad at math” sungchan

request: sungchan + ball + “ everyone is looking at us. is that a good or a bad thing? ” (from the first option) ^__^

song recs: after school - weeekly / pleaser - wallows / some - bol4 / sweet talk - saint motel / love so sweet - cherry bullet

a/n: i tried recalling some hs memories for this and im hoping i wasnt the only one that went through the “shipped with a random dude” ordeal LOL. i haven’t written shorter fics in a while so i’m glad i got to. tq for requesting, lovepie <33

In high school, peer pressure tends to come in different forms. For you, it’s taken the shape of this.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” 

You look around your classmates, scanning each and every face chanting with glee like you’re a star player scoring the winning point. The tall figure shifts beside you, glancing at you like a blinking idiot. You’re not even on the losing team but it feels just as frustrating.

You glare at the boy beside you. The trouble is Jung Sungchan. The trouble has always been Jung Sungchan. 

“Come on!” Chenle calls with a teasing grin from the buzzing crowd. The little shit. It’s getting hotter with each minute you spend by the green soccer field and its dusty chalked lines, just at the tip of the bleachers. You didn’t even get enough time to breathe before you were surrounded, the soccer team pushing a stumbling Sungchan onto you. It’s too sunny for this today.

“The star soccer player gets a kiss from the lead cheerleader after a winning game! That’s the rule.” Chenle announces.

Sungchan looks at you and you turn to him, the both of you looking at each other like fish out of water. Even though you’ve clarified at least a hundred times that you’re just friends, your peers don’t seem to be satisfied. (“Famous last words,” they say.)

“No,” you say, firmly. 

“No,” Sungchan agrees, nodding his head wisely.

“Don’t copy me,” you say, smacking his chest, and a quiet ‘oof’ escapes his mouth.

The fact that you’ve been best friends since Sungchan offered you a light green crayon in elementary school just fuels the idea that you have to date. There’s this difference between elementary school kids teasing and high school kids teasing—it was so much easier back when boys were afraid of cooties from girls. It was innocent too. Now, it’s more of nudges and sly grins, teasing with unnecessary innuendo. (What else do you expect from teenagers experiencing puberty?) It doesn’t stop you from being best friends though. Sungchan still visits on Fridays to get on your mom’s nerves and help you with homework (or try to). You still have all the little trinkets he’s gifted you over the years and the lock to his phone is still your birthday. You’re best friends and strictly that. 

When you got into the same middle school though is when it started going downhill. Holding his hand was awkward, touching him in any way was awkward and god forbid you compliment him on something. The kids around you would run across the halls saying “(name) likes Sungchan!” or the other way around sometimes. Heathens, the lot of them. But at the very least, he wasn’t too fazed and you wonder how he could be that even-tempered. If it was just you feeling that way, then maybe you did like him more than he did you. 

You shake it off. 

Sungchan’s much more grown now and at least a foot taller since his awkward adolescent years; he looks handsomer too but you wouldn’t be caught dead saying it out loud. After all, it’s only going to spark another debate on the anonymous school forum. (“(name) finds Jung Sungchan attractive, they’re totally dating.” “I knew it. A boy and a girl can’t be friends, especially if they’re both good looking.”) If you’re being honest, you hate the rumours so much—it’s one of the reasons, apart from puberty, stopping you from being as close as before. However, you do understand that this is how the passage of time works. You’re not going to be spending all of your time with each other, yes, but you still regard him as important. Your life is too busy now, with exams and practice—and you’d think a busy bee would get some honey as reward.

Sungchan’s curls stick to his forehead, unruly after he wiped at them with a towel. The sunlight plays with his eyes when he looks at you intently and you shrug. The smell of sweat is starting to make you nauseous. You remember that you too need to take a shower.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you mumble.

“Not today?” He asks.

You shake your head. “The girls have a plan.”

It’s not just the sweat. Or the crowds. You don’t like being here at all. There’s one more problem with this place.

You hate soccer. 

And by hate, you mean you despise it. Like you’ll throw up at the sight of it. What’s so riveting about a bunch of smelly, sweaty guys excited about chasing a patterned ball? You’ve tried to understand it but every time your dad explains the rules, you find yourself zoning out of whatever alien language he speaks. 

Sungchan has been the closest to getting you to understand the game and even then, you refused to learn. It’s not like you’re society’s definition of girly—but you’re not a tomboy either. The school has granted you the “ice queen with a warm interior” stereotype so you’ll just go with that. To be honest, you’re just a little more awkward at open affection than your friends. (And Sungchan has the “friendly beagle” stereotype which you’ll agree is partly true. He’s more of a retriever though, with that size.) It’s just funny how you can never seem to know who you are but other people see so clearly.

You hurry up to the locker rooms and hope for a better evening than this afternoon.

-

The sky burns blue and you wipe the sweat off your brow once you step out of the changing room. Cooling off from your shower has gone to waste. Adjusting your school skirt, you take your usual strides to the school gates. 

Ryujin seems to be showing Yuna a very flamboyant dance move while the latter hypes her up. Ryujin is in her gym uniform because she has no care for her reputation apparently, but she makes it work. Yuna’s about to show her own move when she notices you and waves at you vigorously enough to make you jog towards her and stop embarrassing herself in front of the after school crowd. But then again, she’s too cute for that.

“We got bored waiting for you,” Yuna explains, voice hoarse from her cold. Poor thing wasn’t let into performing because of it. “Do you wanna see our cool new move? Ryujin came up with it!”

Ryujin rolls her eyes. “You’re trying to advertise me to (name) so she can recruit me into cheerleading, aren’t you?”

You smile and cross your arms, facing Yuna who’s been caught mid-act. She smiles sheepishly and pats your shoulder like she just said a funny joke.

“Actually…” You begin and Ryujin holds up her arms in a cross.

“No. Never. I’m already part of the hip-hop dance club.”

“I was going to say that I’ll join you instead.”

Yuna gasps in betrayal, big eyes widening, and Ryujin grins before sticking her tongue out and potentially ruining her image with that expression. She doesn’t care, however.

“Anyway, I can’t wait to get to college and join a dance club.” Ryujin looks at the two of you excitedly. “I keep getting snaps from Yeji and feel so jealous.”

Yuna pouts. “Don’t be so happy about leaving me.”

“Aw, is the baby afraid of not getting any more sisterly doting?” Ryujin teases and you laugh at the disgruntled expression on Yuna’s face. 

“Don’t worry,” Ryujin continues with a sly grin. “Taehyun’s here to keep you company for another year.”

Yuna turns red in the face, a high pitched complaint emitting from her throat. “I told you to keep quiet about that!”

“Oh, what’s this?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “We’re starting boy talk early today.”

Yuna huffs. “At least, mine’s just a crush. I don’t know what relationship status: complicated you have going on with Mr. Soccer Captain.”

You flush hotly. “There’s no relationship status to be complicated about! Seriously, why does everyone think we’re a thing?”

“You’re cheer captain and he’s soccer captain,” Ryujin answers logically. “Plus, you’re best friends.”

“You have a lot of sexual tension,” Yuna answers honestly.

You make a face, slipping your arms into theirs and pulling them along the sidewalk. You better get something to drink before the sky starts to turn purple from pink tinged blue. 

“Ooh, another desperate attempt from (name) to not get teased,” Ryujin leans back to whisper to Yuna.

You stop walking. “Wait. Where are we going?”

Yuna shakes her head. “I’ll lead the way.”

Skipping over the concrete sidewalk, you laugh at your friends and their stories (read: Ryujin gushing over Yeji’s college dance club and Yuna’s newfound crush on Taehyun). The blue sky has tinged orange by now but it’s the sort of colour that sits in between more significant timeframes, like night and evening. Passing by a city square, you eye the people with wonder. A girl in a pink skirt skateboards smoothly over the concrete, her boyfriend filming her with a loving smile. 

“We’re here!” Yuna announces.

You look around the large open plaza, with people of all ages and in different attires trying out skateboarding and rollerblading over the grey concrete. It’s been getting popular lately, with idol pop stars taking to it too but you never knew there was this big a community. There seems to be a few stalls renting out skateboards too. The wind caresses your hair, evening cool settling in nicely on your skin. The sky is purple but it’s lit up with the city buildings and street lamps flickering on. It’s not a bad day at all.

Someone catches your attention. A boy that sticks out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes. 

“Sungchan?!” 

Your eyes somehow always settle on his figure, tall and standing out in the crowd of teenagers. He clutches his blue bag, the one he’s had since third grade, close to his chest and looks more like a tourist in this place than a frequent visitor. He’s not the only one in school uniform now that you’re here.

“(name)!” 

You hate how you love the way his face lights up when he sees you. You’re not actually into him. It’s your friends brainwashing you.

“I was going to invite you,” Sungchan says, a sorry smile on his face. 

Ryujin and Yuna frown at each other but you can’t exactly ask the reason for it.

“Isn’t it great we had the same plans?” he beams at the three of you.

Yuna suppresses a smile and you wonder why. It’s not like your friends would know he’d be here—you’d know first as best friend.

"How did you guys come across this place?" He asks, eyes round with curiosity. 

"Somi's Tiktok," Yuna answers, smiling. "We thought she works here but if she really was, guys would be swarming this place."

Ryujin raises her eyebrows. "Speaking of which, I can clearly see why there are so many girls here."

Sungchan beams, turning to you for affirmation and when you don't give him any, he drops his grin to a more polite smile.

“I don’t work at the stalls though,” he answers. “I’ve just been here a few times.”

“You’re trying to learn, aren’t you?” Ryujin asks, raising an eyebrow.

He nods. However, you furrow your eyebrows at her. How does she know? Eyes widening, you realize it must be the school forum. You remember reading a post about a student wanting to learn skateboarding and the wording felt familiar but you didn’t think much. How they figured it out, you will never know.

“Oh! Oh, I think my nose is bleeding. Oh god.” Yuna sniffs vehemently, her finger at her nose. “I think I’m going to need Ryujin to get me to a clinic.” 

Linking her arm through Ryujin’s, Yuna makes an apologetic expression and runs off into a particularly crowded area.

You blink. The realization dawns. 

"They just left me," you tell him, exasperated. "How could they just leave me?"

He shrugs. "My team left me at a rival school's field once."

Great. Your last outing before midterms and your friends have abandoned you. If this is the case, you wonder why they complain about you spending so much time with Sungchan and allegedly ignoring them.

You regain a sense of your surroundings and turn to him. "Wait. They really left you?"

He nods diligently, eyes trained upwards as he tries to recall the memory. "I told you, didn’t I? On the plus side though, I made friends with the opposite team."

"That's so… cute."

Your cheeks heat up at saying it out loud. If Sungchan is affected by it in any way, he doesn't show it. Instead, he has his usual smile on. 

“Do you wanna try?” he asks. “Skateboarding. Or rollerblading but I personally don’t recommend that.”

He curls his lips, shaking his head slightly. You laugh. Of course this beanpole has trouble balancing on skates.

"I- I figured you'd be good at skateboarding. Since, you know, you're so balanced and all."

You raise an eyebrow. "You wanna add skateboarding to your resume or something?"

"Yeah, that and the ability to imitate dog sounds. Wanna see?"

"No, thanks. I’ll pray this weekend to cure your furry behaviour."

Before he can respond, you’re interrupted by a whirlwind of colours and excited calls. A few girls run up to the two of you, younger and probably in middle school, flocking to Sungchan like bees to honey. Never in your life have you felt so ignored as in this singular moment.

You blink, turning to Sungchan who looks like a rather helpless, flustered eye of the hurricane. The winds don't seem to be stopping any time soon.

You clear your throat trying to get their attention. 

"Wow, you brought your girlfriend?" One of the girls exclaims, sounding disappointed.

The other girls make similar whines of disappointment and you have half the heart to whack them over the head and tell them to focus on their academics instead of boys. 

"You're so lucky to have him as your boyfriend," a girl comments, round eyes brimming with jealousy. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you declare sharply.

Sungchan looks at you with his doe eyes, blinking cartoonishly. You nudge him with your elbow.

“Yeah!” He agrees, with far too much gusto to be believable. “I’m not (name)’s boyfriend. I have no idea why everyone keeps saying that.”

“Let’s go, babe,” you say, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at the girls. They’re younger than you and you have high school dignity, you remind yourself.

Slipping your hand into his, you take a few long strides away from them before you realize what you said.

“I- I did- I didn’t mean to call you babe,” you sputter, pulling your hand from his to look at him with wide eyes. 

“It’s okay though?”

Sungchan raises an eyebrow and slips his hand back into yours, smiling. 

“I don’t mind the rumours, you know?” He says honestly but his smile feels all too teasing. “Maybe we should go out for real.”

You huff, separating yourself from him again. “Maybe you just love attention. Disgusting.”

You point an accusatory finger at him and he bites at it playfully.

“While you're here, wanna see a cool trick I learned?" He straightens only having to tilt his head to look at you.

"If it's you falling on your face, then yes."

"I mean, hey, I could totally do that. Done that several times actually."

You smile despite trying your hardest not to. You like this about him—that he’s easygoing enough to make you look at life less seriously. If it’s with him, you could quit everything that makes you unhappy and start everything you love. 

“So where is your skateboard?” you ask, walking side by side with him, who has finally learned to match your pace.

“It’s with one of my friends,” he answers, and points to a tall girl with long brown hair, wearing a pair of tomboyish shorts and T-shirt. Another girl with short hair and a bucket hat accompanies her, wearing a long hoodie and shorts, but she leaves before you reach them. They must be from a different school because you’ve never seen them before. The first thing that pops into your head is that they’d be good replacements for your cheerleading position if you were ever to leave. You shake your head. Now is not the time.

“That’s Jimin!” he introduces, and you wonder how he’s this way—how he makes friends so easily.

Jimin waves at Sungchan and then proceeds to ask if you’re his girlfriend with a big smile, like a script being followed everywhere you go.

She seems a little disappointed at the answer. “Well, I was going to suggest one of the couples skateboards.”

You flash her an awkward smile. 

“But those are pretty difficult! I’ve been here for a month and my idea of skateboarding is still sitting on it while Soeun pushes me around. That’s my friend, by the way.”

“Ah.” You nod. “This is my first time skateboarding, actually. The only ‘sport’ I’ve ever done is cheerleading.”

Jimin furrows her eyebrows before her eyes widen. “Wait a minute. You’re the cheerleader best friend that Sungchan wouldn’t shut up about!”

Sungchan flusters, in the subtle way he usually does, and waves his hands robotically trying to explain. “I was just saying- that- that you’d be good at skateboarding. Because of the cheerleading.”

A boxy grin accompanies his explanation. 

“Right.” Jimin covers her face and sends an obvious wink your way. “Anyway, you can have my skateboard for the day.”

She hands over a smooth black skateboard with white wheels, but on closer inspection you find that they’re light-up wheels instead. It’s oddly fitting for someone like Jimin even if you’ve known her the entirety of ten minutes. Sungchan is good at finding friends, rather. Soon enough, she runs off after making Sungchan promise he’ll deliver the skateboard home.

The trick Sungchan wanted to show you was a failed kickflip. At the very least, it made you laugh so hard you almost spit out the strawberry milk he’d bought you. Sipping his own banana milk, he sulked for a moment or two, telling you to try it out and see how difficult it is.

On the contrary, Sungchan was right. You are good at balancing on skateboards. But that’s where it ends. You don’t think you’ll be naturally good at kickflips, though being able to glide through the plaza while Sungchan runs after you with the drinks puts a big smile on your face. It’s the most fun you’ve had in a while.  

Accompanied by Sungchan’s panicked “oh no”s and “oh we messed up”s, the two of you try the couple skateboarding move too; no one’s watching you here. It’s fun to see him stress over a skateboard because frankly, you’ve never met anyone as easy-going as Sungchan. (“I’ll figure it out along the way,” he says when you ask if he’s studying for finals, and proceeds to get a decent enough score). Suddenly the wandering gap is closed again. You’re not going to worry about stupid rumours from now on. 

But for some reason, ‘you like him as a friend’ doesn’t sound right either. Despite having said it so many times, you might not believe in it. You shake off the thought. This evening, at least, you’re going to enjoy with Sungchan without thinking of teenage drama and hormones. 

"You still don't think you and Sungchan make the perfect pair?" Yuna pouts. 

You narrow your eyes. "I don't take opinions from traitors."

Chaeryoung leans back on her chair, and whispers to you asking if you’re okay. At least someone is concerned about you.

“It hurts to be left by my own friends but—”

“No, I meant, are you okay? Why aren’t you dating Sungchan already? You’re so cute together! And you’re best friends—Netflix writers literally daydream of this.”

You groan, throwing up your hands in defeat.

“And,” Yuna adds, knocking her chair closer. “Who’s really the traitor here? Us who ditched you with the love of your life—or you, who runs off every time she gets a call from her boyfriend?”

“Sungchan is not my boyfriend.” You cross your arms.

“She even shares her lunch with him more,” Ryujin complains from the side. “And they’re not even in the same class. Unlike me, by the way. Class 1 Shin Ryujin. Same class as you, (name).”

You slump, resting your forehead against the desk. At this point, you wish the teacher would walk in and start the class already. Unfortunately, lunch break isn’t over for another ten minutes and lady luck clearly isn’t smiling upon you. 

“Speak of the devil!” Ryujin announces monotonously, leaning against her desk.

Sungchan and a few of his friends from the soccer team wave at you and the girls from the classroom door. Noticing Taehyun, Yuna quickly fixes her hair and you would tease her if Sungchan hadn’t casually strolled up to your desk and sat down on the chair in front of you. Long legs barely contained in the space, he adjusts himself by resting his arm on the headrest and his chin upon it. It’s all normal. However, when he leans down to match your eye level, you hear the sudden pit-a-pat of your pulse in your ear. At this proximity, you can even see the mole on his lip that he’s pointed out before. The sunlight from the open windows is pulling golden strings over his eyelashes and his lips aren’t dry as a desert like you expected. You know he uses the watermelon flavoured lip balm. 

“Too close,” you croak. Embarrassed at your own voice, you rise sharply and glare at him.

“Is your heart fluttering?” Sungchan asks, smiling as he looks up at you.

You roll your eyes. 

You can hear Yuna’s giggling and before you can shoot her a glare, Sungchan calls. 

"Do you have any bandaids?" 

He points to a rough scratch at the base of his palm, fingers slender and less calloused than what you'd pictured. Then again, soccer players don't use their hands much, do they?

You blink. "You came all the way here for bandaids?"

"Well… I remembered you keep band-aids in your phone case. And the nurse hates me."

You giggle.

Yujin mouths from behind Sungchan, “He just wanted to see her.” 

You would feel flattered if you didn't know these people and their shenanigans. They'd do anything for some drama (and to get two innocent people into the dating trap).

“Why would I waste my cute band aids on you?” you mutter under your breath. “They’re limited edition, you know?”

No way are you sticking Ice Bear on your urban hazard of a best friend. A tall, cute, surprisingly polite hazard but he still annoys you nonetheless.

However, Sungchan's pleading smile has grown on you.

You reluctantly take the band-aid out of your clear phone case, the pink panda doll attached to it swaying with the movement. Proceeding, you take Sungchan's hand and lay it on your desk. With careful focus, you place the band-aid, admiring the size difference of your hands before snapping to reality.

Enough with the pink cloud of thoughts, you scold yourself.

When you look up, the proximity makes your heart skip a beat despite the logical part of you saying you shouldn't. Your faces are too close and this time, you don't even have the energy to croak it out.

"Thanks, (name)," Sungchan smiles at you. 

Right then, the sound of a chair sliding harshly against the floor makes the two of you jolt away from each other. All of your friends and his friends seem to be sporting Cheshire cat grins and you don't like it one bit. You don't like not being in on the gag.

"Anybody up for gaming after this? My treat." Chenle looks around. “Sungchan is banned from the arcade soccer game though.”

"'Ey," Sungchan complains.

"Hey, Jisung and Ryujin are banned from DDR too but that's because they almost broke the handles off last time."

The memory makes you smile. Sungchan was there too, and you don’t know why you’re only just recalling all the memories with him in it, carefully and in detail. Every one of them seems to have been amplified, the little interactions suddenly coming to mind. 

“(name)? You’re coming?”

You take one look at Sungchan and give up. Even if this is another childish ploy by your peers, you don't mind spending some more time at the arcade with infuriatingly addictive games. A tiny part of you is even willing to go along with them and see if it turns out the way they want it to.

“I’ll go,” you mumble, and the rest of the group cheers. 

“But I have cleaning duty today.”

The group groans. 

“Just get someone else to do it. Like a junior.”

“Isn’t that bullying?” You ask, frowning.

“Ask nicely. Anyone would be willing to do your bidding, (name).”

“Chenle, will you do it?” You give him a sickly sweet smile. “You’re class president after all.”

Chenle wrinkles his nose. “You’re getting stupider every day, (name).”

You sigh. “Fine. I’ll ask one of Yuna’s classmates then.”

“By the way,” Chenle announces. “Only twelfth graders are invited—”

A bunch of groans interrupt him. 

“Quit whining.” He crosses his arms, glaring at them. “What do you even have to worry about? We’re preparing for the exam of our lives. Oh, and Jisung is an exception.”

“We’re only two years apart,” Yuna mutters under her breath.

“Oh, and from class 5, only Sungchan is invited.”

Another round of complaints pass and Chenle breaks into laughter. “Just kidding.”

Your friends are and will always be an odd bunch. Sungchan has previously proved to be the weirdest (several times) and it makes him the most lovable too. But then again, you don’t have free space in your timetable to put in teenage crushes, much less falling for your best friend. What you do have time for this afternoon, however, is relaxing at the arcade. 

-

“Let’s go! I am so good at this. Think I’d impress your Steve Curry?” Ryujun gloats, after having scored three hoops in a row at the arcade basketball game.

“It’s Stephen Curry,” Chenle corrects. “And no, let’s focus here. Our goals are—”

He points to the two figures by the DDR machine, looking like a real couple. He’s been acting as damage control for the rumours and making sure you don’t drift apart because of it. They really don’t make guys like him anymore, Chenle sighs. He should get a friendship award or something.

“—those two.”

Really, Sungchan better be thanking him by the end of this. He’s never met anyone quite like Jung Sungchan, especially because Chenle cannot picture himself liking the same person since elementary school.

“Man, now I wish I had a girlfriend,” Chenle mutters.

Ryujin snorts. “Who’s going to date you?”

“You don’t have a boyfriend either,” Chenle reminds and gets a basketball to the shoulder.

“Why are you playing that when you don’t even know how to use it?” Your voice rings through to them.

“I said I’ll figure it out!” Sungchan reasons.

Chenle and Ryujin stare at the two of you blankly, as you bicker over a claw machine game and they share a look.

“Do they need our help?” Ryujin whispers.

Chenle shakes his head. “I think they’ll figure it out from here.”

Soon enough, you were laughing at Sungchan’s failed attempts and trying to outplay him. Your friends have already given you the shove. Chenle and Ryujin share a high five and that’s where the new story begins.

You finally know the thrill of a teenage crush. It makes you so damn infuriated that it had to be Jung Sungchan. 

Now every time he waves at you from the field or hands you a bottle of strawberry milk or explains the calc notes you missed or does the bare minimum, you need to deal with the quickening of your pulse and a few butterflies loose from their cage in your stomach. It doesn’t help that you’re almost always together.

The two of you currently sit by the school field, Sungchan tying his shoelaces while you cool off with the water bottle he offered you. Practice ended a while ago for you and the girls have receded into the air conditioned indoor gym. The indoor gym is apparently occupied by the gymnast club and you couldn’t be more disappointed that you didn’t join them instead. 

If anything, however, you’d rather leave this whole thing and focus on your academics. Hobbies shouldn’t be draining you—they should feel like skateboarding on a lilac evening with the wind in your hair.

With a friend you like very, very much.

“Sungchan,” you call quietly. 

“Hm?” 

When he looks up, you can’t hold in the urge to fix the hair out of his eyes. You’ve never been very physically affectionate so it might have come off strange. Sungchan looks at you quietly, stars in his eyes and you clear your throat.

“How long have you been playing soccer? It was before we met, right?”

He hums, eyes traveling up and then back to you when he remembers. “Since I was six. You were there at my first soccer match actually.”

“I was? Oh my god, was it the one you lost horribly and the whole team started crying?”

“Yes. Yes, it was.”

You giggle. “Six year old you would be so in awe now.”

Sungchan beams at that. 

“Who knows?” he smiles, looking into your eyes with firm determination. “Maybe I’ll be the next Son Heungmin.”

“Even I know who that is so… no.”

Sungchan pouts and you make a face in disgust. “Don’t act cute, it gives me hives.”

“Okay, maybe not Son Heungmin. I could definitely be the next Park Jisung—and I don’t mean him.”

Sungchan points to a boy passed out on the benches, his exhaustion typical of any high schooler while another boy sits beside him, fanning him with a bunch of assignment papers. Jisung and Chenle really are more entertaining than any game on this field. 

You turn to look at Sungchan, who’s moving his head around trying to catch their attention. When he finally does, he waves at them and gets big grins in response. He’s not all that bad, you think. In fact, he’s quite possibly the most amiable boy in senior year.

“Just be Jung Sungchan,” you mutter. “Not Son Heungmin or Park Jisung.”

Sungchan turns to you, smiling wide. “Advice taken.”

You scoff. “Whatever.”

Maybe it’s just you but Sungchan has been glancing at your lips very frequently today and mentally thank Chaeryoung for letting you borrow her lip tint. You didn’t know something so subtle could get you this giddy.

“Are you… going to give the CSAT?” You ask, glancing at him nervously. Part of you is sad you only developed your first high school crush in the very last semester. Or if it’s comforting, you could believe you’ve liked him all this time.

“Nah. Sports scholarship,” he says nonchalantly. “I was going to tell you but… I’ve been scouted already.”

You gasp. “That’s… great. Your future’s all settled.”

Sungchan seems to dislike the idea, lips pursing. “I don’t think anything’s settled except for the next step.”

You nod, somewhat understanding. 

“What about you?” He asks. “Any university in mind? SKY? I’ve seen you study extra hours at the library.”

You look away, not feeling ready for the conversation.

“I don’t know,” you say quietly. “I don’t know what I like and what I want. I don’t even like cheer anymore.”

Sungchan gazes at you wordlessly but it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt talking about this.

“Maybe I should quit,” you mumble.

You don’t want to commit to something you no longer have passion for. But then again, you’ve spent so much time on it that it’s hard to leave. 

“You should,” he responds, honest. 

You scoff, shaking yourself from that moment of vulnerability. “But why would I quit something I’m good at?”

“If you don’t like it. If it hurts to leave but isn’t any better when you stay, you should leave.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re quite the philosopher.”

“I’m smart, right?”

You smile. 

“Oy, you two!” Chenle calls, making his way to you two with Jisung trailing behind. “I don’t mean to interrupt your flirting but you got a spare water bottle?”

“Are you two going out now?” Jisung asks as a follow-up, and you feel a hot flush for some reason, unlike the previous times you’ve been asked this question.

“No,” you answer. You don’t mind the idea though now.

“Don’t lie,” Chenle complains. “I saw that picture of Sungchan teaching you how to kick a ball. You? And soccer? Something’s up.”

You throw up your hands in exasperation. “Seriously, who keeps up posting to the school page? And where do they get the time?”

"Two people with this much compatibility will always be a hot topic."

"We're not compatible," you retort quickly.

"Wait," Jisung says. "I know how to resolve this."

You raise an eyebrow.

"How do you have your cereal?" He asks, looking from you to Sungchan.

"Cereal first, obviously," you answer.

Sungchan looks up, finger below his chin as he thinks. "I drink the milk first, then eat the cereal and then breakdance to mix it all together."

You pinch your nose. "I swear I question your sanity all the time."

"Hah! That means you're thinking about me all the time."

You look away, rolling your eyes. He responds with an open-mouthed smile and finger guns.

"See?" Jisung grins. "Compatible."

The gruff voice of Coach Lee startles the four of you and Sungchan leaves with a sigh and a promise of meeting after practice. Jisung leaves with Sungchan and Chenle gives you one last teasing smirk before sitting down and going through the assignment papers he was using as a fan previously. You will never understand his miraculous ways of performing his presidential duties.

You don’t have a good feeling about the next match. The only reason you’re even sticking around anymore—as embarrassing as it—is to spend more time with Sungchan. Being with him puts you at ease, even if the school tries to wrap the two of you in a rope of uneasiness. This is your very last practice, for the next match is the final one of this year and then you’ll be back to spending even longer hours at the library with a stack of textbooks. It’s supposed to be a carefree age. At least, adults say that. Your high school life seems to be riddled with worries, and with that thought, you head into the air conditioned room to take a breather off your anxieties. 

Only one more match, you remind yourself. 

The pre-match buzz is driving you to the edge.

Your form is off, you can feel it already and Coach Kim isn’t as sunshine-as-rainbows as she usually is, courtesy to it being the last match of your life. She’ll never know though, how much you don’t want to do this. 

Sungchan waves at you as he usually does before a match, disappointing a third of his fangirls, but it helps you ease. One last time, (name).

Watching the crowd of people, parents and siblings and friends, all excited and talking makes you take a deep breath. You practiced but it wasn’t good enough. You can never do well at something you don’t like anymore. This time, you feel guilty for committing to things half-heartedly. You want to start that fresh new college chapter already, with all of this behind.

There’s ten minutes left. You go back to the empty hall outside the lockers only to pace. This isn’t helping.

“(name)!”

You turn around abruptly to find Sungchan’s tall figure, and you must be looking miserable because his smile falls.

He doesn’t even ask what’s wrong, only takes careful steps towards you. “Do you need water? Medicine?”

His hands hover over your shoulder but he doesn’t burden you with them. You put your face in your palms and sigh, sinking down to the floor in a crouch.

“I want to quit,” you whisper. Your voice comes off more brittle than you’d like, and you realize that Sungchan hasn’t seen you cry since seventh grade when you failed a math test. You didn’t tell him then but you appreciated him studying extra hours for math just to teach you.

“You don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, dropping to the floor beside you. “I’ll stay with you.”

You stare at him dumbfounded. “Don’t be ridiculous! They’ll lose without you—you’re the ace, Sungchan!”

“There will always be an ace,” he retorts. “Maybe Jisung will finally get to shine. Or anyone else. I don’t mind spending an hour with you alone.”

You feel a hot flush spread over your cheeks. Looking away to the side, you mumble an ‘alright’ and only glance from the corner of your eye to see him smiling. Jung Sungchan is the most unreasonable boy you’ve ever met. Perhaps it makes him somewhat loveable too.

“It’s your last match,” you whisper helplessly.

“I’ll join the college soccer club and get to play more matches.”

You sigh, giving in. If he’s so adamant, you think that perhaps there is something in you worth sacrificing his game over. It makes an oddly warm feeling bloom in your chest. Sungchan is so damn convincing with his words. You wonder if it’s really okay.

With shoulders touching, an awkward silence takes over in the next second. You turn to him and open your mouth, watch him do the same and close it at the same time he does.

“You know,” he begins, “I was kind of lying about not worrying because I get the feeling coach will evaporate me tomorrow but—I can handle it. Mostly.”

You stare at him with wide, worried eyes. “You don’t have to do this, Sungchan. I’m the one running away.”

You slouch, pulling your knees closer to your chest and burying your face in them. The urge to scream is boiling within you but you can’t get caught. Not now.

“Sometimes to run is the brave thing,” he responds, insightful. “If you’re not up for it, it’s better to quit early than to regret it in the long run.”

You don’t know if it’s the fact that he just quoted Taylor Swift or spoke like your old school counselor—but you find yourself laughing. He makes sense. Sungchan, in his weird, oddball ways, always makes sense. And in that same way, he feels like home.

“You’re so good to me,” you say, looking up at him and at a proximity you’ve never been before.

It’s his turn to fluster, though he doesn’t do so as visibly as you do. He clears his throat, shifting his eyes around before meeting yours. “I- This is bad timing but… I like you. I really do. Since third grade when you drew that birthday card for me. I have it in my bedside drawer, by the way.”

He looks away and makes a face, probably wondering why he said that out loud.

You press your lips tight to prevent the smile that tugs at them. He looks at you with a wobbly smile, trying his hardest to resume his usual dignity—but he’s just a boy, after all. 

“My type is dumb and pretty, though?” You tease, the smile escaping. “You said it yourself.”

He blinks. “Well, I am pretty but if you want me to be stu—”

You shake your head. “I like you too. You don’t have to act cute.”

He pauses, thinking. “I have never acted cute in my life ever. I was born cu—”

You hold his face between your thumb and forefinger. “You do that again and you die.”

He breaks into a smile. 

“I’ve never met someone quite like you,” you whisper, embarrassed of your own feelings bubbling up from the bottle you had kept them in.

He laughs, open-mouthed and pretty. 

“Actually, hey, I didn’t like you all this time from fifth. I liked you and then I didn’t like you and then I liked you again—”

“Okay, I get it.”

His shoulders relax and he smiles at you. You look up at the clock on the wall by the entrance to the field and bite your lip. You don’t love performing anymore but you know all the girls do, even the stand-bys. Jisung might not have to take over Sungchan’s position but you bet one of those tenth graders would love to take yours, the same way you did back then. They’ve practiced harder than you too and it’s only a matter of deserving.

You take a deep breath and get up, pulling up Sungchan by the hand. He raises an eyebrow, inquisitive eyes scanning over your face and you smile at him, strengthening your resolve. You should have done this way sooner.

-

Sungchan plays. You don’t let him sit it out with you. 

Halfway through, you cheer the hardest you ever have, plastic decorative gemstones stuck by your eyes borrowed from the other girls cheering. It’s much more fun, you think. You’ve never experienced soccer like this. You’d love to sit at stadiums and join in victory chants. There’s enough weight off your chest to yell your lungs out.

Sungchan scores a goal almost immediately after and sends a thumbs up over to you. You laugh. This is the best break you’ve ever taken from cheerleading. 

“Ooh, is this perhaps the (name) effect?” Chenle’s voice rings through the speakers and you feel yourself shrink slightly under the eyes. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see your homeroom teacher signal very angrily to the commentator box. You shake yourself off it. So what if everyone’s looking?

Sungchan places his hands on his hips, chest heaving and sends another signal to you before beelining for a straight goal. You whoop and the girl with a notebook beside you is visibly annoyed at this point but you don’t care. 

Without doubt, your school wins and you watch as Sungchan runs to his team, a big smile on his face. The second he’s done getting pet by the team, however, he rushes to the bleachers, skipping over the steps to you, panting when he stops. The risk he took was definitely not calculated. He holds up one finger while he heaves.

“My cheering worked best this time, it seems,” you say to him, laughing.

His face is flushed from the exertion but he laughs heartily. “You could be yelling profanity at me and it’d still encourage me.”

You shake your head at the cheesy line. He takes a step forward, well inside your space but you don’t mind. He leans in.

“Everyone is looking at us,” he says under his breath. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

You look behind him to find the whole team, along with your girls sharing furtive glances and giggling at the sight of the two of you. A few of the junior girls slap each other’s arms, bouncing on the balls of their feet in excitement. You’re not a celebrity. But everyone wants to cheer things on once in a while, don’t they?

“Good,” you answer, before pulling him by the shirt into a chaste kiss. When you pull apart, Sungchan’s face is so struck with awe that you want to look away but instead you bite back an obvious smile. It’s about damn time, someone from the soccer team yells.

“Woah. I think I scored a goal either way,” he says, an offbeat smile on his face.

“Oh come on, we didn’t even get to chant ‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ yet—oh shit, the mic’s on.”

Chenle is definitely getting an earful from your teacher after this. The two of you wave at him at the box and end up laughing at him trying to hide behind the desk. 

As expected, the whole crowd surrounds the two of you in less than a minute’s worth of time, with several congratulations and “good score” offered to the two of you. The boys mess up Sungchan’s hair while the girls compliment you on how cute a couple you are. There’s also the question of when you started dating that pauses the buzz and makes everyone look to the two of you for an answer. Sungchan turns to you and you turn to him, and there’s no way you’ll tell half the school that your confession came in a private hallway outside the field—teenage imaginations run wild. 

Instead, you slip your hand into Sungchan’s and run down the bleachers and towards the exit, laughter spilling from your lips. There’s only one place you can think of going to spend a cool blue late afternoon with.

“Skate plaza?” He asks.

“Skate plaza,” you answer.