#last marker drawing for a very long time rip

[rainbow-elixir]

a drawing i made for one of my friends some months back

[beanarie]

inspired by this post by @epiphainie and people's awesome tags on it.

the messenger

The buzzer rang five minutes after Evan's text (Just coming back from our last call. Thank God. Not even stopping to shower I am outta here. See you in 20. 15 if I gun it. Start getting those clothes off.)

"Hello?" Tommy said, pressing the button. "Is someone there?"

"Oh, Tommy. I didn't even- Good." Something crackled on the other end. "Sorry, it's uh. It's Maddie."

Well, it was hardly his gate to keep. Tommy redid the buttons on his shirt. "Come on up."

Maddie arrived with Jee-Yun on her hip. She still had her work shirt on and she was mostly looking everywhere but him.

"Hi," he said, curiosity shifting to concern. He hadn't spent much time with the Han family unit. Not long after he and Evan became official, Maddie and Howie rescued a traumatized child from a group home and their free moments then went towards maintaining the connection between her and the parents she'd been ripped from, aka Hen and her wife Karen. But from what he'd heard about her, Jee-Yun seemed uncharacteristically subdued. Feeding off her mom, perhaps. "He's not back yet."

She looked up at him, very briefly, just long enough to give a good view of her reddened eyes. "Right. They're pretty much done. I asked Howie to meet us here."

She set Jee-Yun up on the easy chair with a coloring book and markers, then kissed her cheek. "Draw Mommy a nice picture, okay?"

Tommy ducked his head as she approached the kitchen, conscious of their differences in height. "Maddie?"

She took in a sharp breath, her eyes bright as she raised one hand. "I'm sorry. I'd tell you. I'd just hate to have to keep saying it."

"Okay." He touched her shoulder and left his hand there a moment. "I think there's... tea?" She was already too brittle and fragile for alcohol.

She nodded gratefully, her gaze going toward the kid quietly marking up a page of farm animals as he retreated to the cabinets. He thought about Howie's brother, Alfred- no Albert. His name came up occasionally in group conversations. He'd couch-surfed through the family, becoming a firefighter himself until he realized that being barely legal to drink and loving his hero brother weren't good enough reasons to stay at a job that didn't do it for him. After resigning, he'd gone back to Korea.

Tommy didn't ask. Asking would force her to answer.

He thought of some other names, which he also did not bring up.

They each had a mug of vanilla chai, which Evan never touched but Tommy loved. Tommy sipped his. Maddie only stared at hers. The door opened, letting in good-natured smack talk.

"Look, all I'm saying is, if it actually had been a rottweiler, you would've finished the call on the other side of the street."

"Okay, okay, Mr. I didn't enter the tiger apartment until Chimney tranqed it."

Tommy wondered at the logistics, whether Maddie's request of Howie arrived before Evan fled the station house, or if the two of them surprised each other by making it to Evan's building at the same time. Maddie breathed in, letting the motion straighten her posture, and stepped away from the counter.

"You didn't enter until after that, either!" Evan turned away from Howie and the grin fell from his face. "Maddie? What's going on?"

Howie glanced at Tommy, who gave a tiny shrug.

She took Evan's hand. "Buck," she said. "Come sit down."

Tommy discarded several names as Howie came and stood next to him.

Maddie sat next to Evan at the table, both of her hands covering his. "Mom called me about an hour ago from the hospital. Dad had been having some chest pain and they found a severe blockage. They went in for a double bypass, but-"

"But what?" Evan asked quietly.

Her face crumpled. "Something went wrong during surgery and they couldn't stop the bleeding." She removed one of her hands from his to stifle a sob. "Dad's gone."

"Shit," Howie whispered.

Maddie shifted the angle of her chair and leaned forward to throw her arms around Evan's neck. After a second or two of shellshock, he returned the embrace, tightening his grip around her. When he met Tommy's gaze, he didn't look sad, or angry. He just looked lost.

"Daddy!" Jee-Yun cried, making the entire room flinch, right before she launched herself at Howie.

[zivazivc]

Another work in progress I've been slowly working on whenever I found some time in the last couple of weeks. I'm really excited to finish it because it's turning out better than I expected. :D (I'm much further ahead with the illustration now than this photo but I don't want to show the near finished picture.)

A friend inspired me to try making something traditional for a change, and I decided to fish out my alcoholic markers that I haven't properly touched in many many years.

I already collected a nice pile of dead ones rip

Unfortunately all the greens I wanted to use are here. One gave its last breaths for me that you can see in the colored picture, in the rest of the picture I had to improvise most of the colors.

I think I did a good job but in hindsight I wish I hadn't put such a strong red and orange here as base colors, especially around Hed. The darkness of the red is also too close to Liv's skin tone which I am quite upset with myself about.. :/ It gave me a headache later on trying to cover it up, and I'm still not really happy with this detail because there's only so much I could do to fix it...

Oh well...

I am very happy with the water tho. I think it looks cool. :)

Here's the sketch without the colors:

Wanted to make a lazy summer day illustration before summer ends. (The weather passed me tho, it's already cold enough for long pants and a sweater. 😅)

After I colored everything with the markers, I started going over it with colored pencils, and I'm nearing the finish now! (Then I have to figure out the best way to scan it because I'm drawing on an A3 paper.)

[nightroo]

May or may not have forgotten what I posted here myself months ago so the last post had a few repeats. oops.

Well I know for sure this one won’t because I stopped posting when I started the second semester, which is what this post is about. So the drawing above is the start of working with more complex shapes, using the ones we learned from last semester. This is also where things got interesting, since I could see the potential for architectural drawings.

There are a lot, and I mean A LOT of drawings like these in my sketchbook, I’m gonna show you only the ones I find interesting.

After that we went back a bit for cast shadows, which I have decided are my new mortal enemy in art. A long time ago it was rendering hair, but that’s nothing compared to this.

The amount of calculations you need to do for this and the different formulas for each shape make me wanna rip my hair off. And that’s before getting into more complex shapes.

They're not 100% correct but my teacher said the majority of people won’t notice anything wrong so I shouldn’t worry about it. I won’t until I need it for a personal project, then I’ll get very annoyed again.

After that nightmare I got rewarded with finally using colors to render for the first time!!! I love rendering with colors so I was very excited haha

The copper (right middle sphere) is my absolute favorite, and my teacher really liked it as well.

We also had a small lecture on arrows and ribbons/fabric and we got to render them with colors as well.

For all the colored drawings I used a combination of alcohol markers and colored pencils. The markers melted and blended the pencils and I could use this to mix colors I didn't have. For example, I didn’t have a red marker at all.

After that we had a fun exercise where we needed to either study an object or design our own. The purpose was to use the previous lessons about shapes in perspective, and the rendering of different materials. I went with a gun design, but not just any gun-this one is technically 3 guns, a pistol and an SMG that you can connect and form an assault rifle. So I designed each gun separately (somehow I managed to turn this exercise to designing 3 objects instead of one, leave it to me to make it harder on myself lmao), and thought about how they connect, making sure the chambers kinda align and stuff like that.

I don’t wanna brag but I got the highest grade in the class for this assignment. Mostly because I’m the only one that actually rendered the different materials (or tried to), but also because my teacher liked the idea and thought it was interesting, and something people would actually buy if it was real.

It’s not the best but I literally didn’t have a grey marker so I was pretty limited. I chose a stained-glass theme for some reason, I didn’t want to make it a normal looking gun. The scan made it a bit more contrast-y than it is irl.

After a huge break we came back and had one lesson of silhouettes, something I kinda knew but never went out and made studies of. The challenging part of this was the time limit, at the start we had a minute, but it went down to 30 seconds. We were allowed to go overtime but it wasn't considered good.

On the same lesson, we also had life drawing, using each other as models. We had to get the pose down in one minute, and then take that as a reference for a more detailed drawing. I chose to completely change the context at that point lol

The next lesson was about isometric perspective. I don’t think I’ve actually talked about this here, but I got scammed by a guy who asked me to make him a city island in isometric perspective, then when it came time to pay, he “took a vacation” for two weeks. Came back to tell me he’s definitely gonna pay me. Proceeded to disappear. Anyways I haven’t done isometric from that moment until this lesson, where we were given a prompt word and had to draw an environment following it. I used only colored pencils for this one because I forgot to bring my markers, but it was a nice restriction to only use 12 colors and try to combine them to make the rest. I really enjoyed this one since I got the freedom to make something cool.

(the prompts are top-to-bottom forest, COVID-19, underwater and space) my teacher walked up to my desk to see what I’m doing while I worked on the space one, and he said “you are crazy” every time he passed by. He showed everyone’s work around, and a lot of people liked mine :) The space one is based on a black hole btw, but if it was an eldritch horror.

The last lesson was a time for the teacher to review everyone’s work one by one, so most of the time we were waiting for our turn. He put up a pic of an old camera if any of us wanted to draw it, but I used it as a reference for a building because it reminded me of art deco architecture. After finishing that, I had an idea for a shrine kind of place, inspired by a spot I built for a friend’s minecraft server that we didn’t end up using. And I topped it off with Lykena and Eivrun sketches (that for Eivrun might turn into a full painting when it’s her turn)

The entire year my teacher was occasionally asking me if I’m not getting bored, because we were going through a lot of basics I was obviously proficient at already, but I always found something new to learn, no matter how small, even on topics I practiced a lot before. So I’d say this workshop was very useful for me. And besides, it’s always good to get critiques from a professional, and from people who are interested in art.

[separatist-apologist]

I have an idea for a one shot, Elucien, Nessian, and Feysand cutest couple contest and Elucien wins but then Eris and Arina walk in and actually win 😂

Okay anon, I'm sorry I sat on this for so long but it took me a hot minute to figure out how to write this.

I think you wanted fluff? Anyway you get unhinged insanity. This is the mating game (like the newly wed game) and if ANYONE says I got any of these couples besides Elucien wrong, it's because this is my first time writing them in earnest.

This is SFW though there are impolite sexual references so exercise good judgement. References to HENrietta the chicken (no apologies).

--

--

“What is this, again?” Nesta groused, crossing one leg over the other.

“It’s the mating game,” Gwyn, ever cheerful, replied. Beside her, Azriel helped organize a stack of cards, offering them to Gwyn without a word. The red-haired priestess perched on a stool to survey the group of people sitting in Rhys and Feyre’s drawing room. Though the game ought to be fun on its own, there were bottles of liquor just out of reach on a nearby table surrounded by cups and snacks.

“Why doesn’t he have to play?” Rhysand demanded, jerking his head towards the spymaster. All heads turned to look at Gwyn and Az, the two newest mates in Rhysand’s inner circle.

“Because he doesn’t want people knowing his personal business,” Gwyn offered. Azriel’s cheeks flushed as Lucien, Rhysand, and Cassian all glanced anywhere but at the females across from them. Twin black, leather couches had been rearranged for the game, with males on one side and females on the other. Behind the males, a roaring fire kept the howling wind outside from leeching cold into the softly lit room.

“Can we start or—”

“Not so fast,” Eris Vanserra stated, bursting through the twin glass, French doors theatrically. Behind him Arina, bundled in a puffy red coat, rolled her eyes and shook out long, blonde hair.

“I invited them,” Elain murmured quickly before Cassian or Rhysand could protest. “Arina is my best friend.”

“Hurtful, baby sister,” Eris intoned, joining the other males across the room. Arina plopped between Nesta and Elain, squeezing her friend tight. Azriel offered Arina a large stack of white cards and a black marker while Gwyn offered the same to Eris. It was impossible not to notice how Azriel’s eyes avoided Eris despite how desperately Eris was clearly trying to provoke him.

“The rules of this are simple,” Gwyn, perhaps sensing a squabble brewing, began explaining the rules of the game. “I ask questions about your mate, and you answer. The team with the most right answers wins that knife in the corner, generously donated by my mate, not to be used on anyone in this room.” Her eyes slid to Eris as she said that last part. Behind Azriel sat a gleaming silver hunting knife with a black, leather wrapped hilt placed just beside a matching leather sheath.

“Males first,” Rhysand decided and though Gwyn rolled her eyes, she didn’t contradict him.

“Want to take bets on who wins?” Cassian whispered.

“Shush,” Feyre shot back.

“The first question: What would your mate liked you to have served them when you accepted the bond?” Gwyn asked. All four females immediately turned to their cards. Elain began scribbling immediately, her lips upturned in a smile that very much said her and Lucien had discussed this before. Arina, too, was writing though her shoulders shook with laughter.

Nesta frowned, looking over at a furiously scrawling Cassian. “Did I not give him exactly what he wanted?” She whispered.

“No cheating!” Feyre elbowed Nesta though she hadn’t written anything either.

“Ten seconds,” Azriel warned. Everyone turned back to their cards, the only sound the squeaking of markers on slippery paper.

“Time.”

“Okay, we’ll start with Feyre. What would your mate likedyou to have served them when you accepted the bond?” Gwyn asked, teal eyes twinkling.

Feyre glanced towards Rhys, who was grinning openly. Azriel narrowed his eyes.

“No mind sharing,” the spymaster warned the pair of them.

“We’re not,” Feyre replied earnestly though the glitter in Rhysand’s violet eyes told the room he had definitely tried. “I wrote exactly what I gave him.”

“Turn your card, Rhys!” Gwyn replied excitedly. Rhys’ grin only widened.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Nesta snapped when Rhys revealed Feyre herself.

Beside Rhys, Lucien began shaking with silent laughter.

“Nesta?”

“I wrote what Feyre wrote,” Nesta replied, turning a card that read a biscuit.

“Oh…babe…we are going to lose,” Cassian said sadly, turning a card that read A nice roast.

“Ungrateful, is what you are,” Nesta grumbled.

“Elain?” Gwyn asked hopefully.

“Lucien said he would have been fine with dirt,” Elain replied, her card written neatly to reflect exactly what she said. Lucien turned his own card excitedly to reveal the word dirt written in impossibly nice calligraphy.

“The bar is so low,” Gwyn mumbled. “Okay, Arina, give us what you’ve got.”

“Eris wanted an apple pie,” she replied, flipping her card with a wink. Eris grinned, revealing his own card that had a drawing of an apple pie, followed with a little arrow pointing to his description that read apple pie.

“We cannot lose to Vanserra’s,” Cassian told Nesta.

“Then do better,” she hissed.

“Next question,” Gwyn interrupted, her teal eyes bright with amusement. “What is your mate afraid of?”

Everyone collectively groaned as they wrote. “This feels like political subterfuge,” Eris grumbled.

“Like anyone cares about your fears,” Azriel mumbled as a reply.

The responses were only a little better. Feyre and Rhysand both guessed my mate dying as their response. Nesta wrote endless warwhile Cassian responded with nothing, causing a booming laugh to escape Azriel’s mouth. Elain and Lucien also wrote my mate dying, and Eris, grinning at Arina, clapped his hands when she wrote falling into a pit trap. He’d done another drawing of a stick figure falling into a hidden hole causing the room to burst into speculation as to whether it had happened or not. The twinkle in Arina’s eyes suggested it very much had.

“Next question. What was the first thing your mate thought when they saw you for the first time?” Gwyn’s enthusiasm was unmatched and Azriel scooted just a little closer to Gwyn, his own hazel eyes bright with affection.

“Don’t get this one wrong, darling,” Rhys told Feyre as he wrote.

“I just know you two are cheating somehow,” Cassian complained.

“If we were cheating, we wouldn’t be losing to the Vanserra brothers,” Feyre shot back. “No offense, Lucien.”

“Some offense taken,” Lucien joked.

“Turn over your cards,” Azriel demanded.

Feyre went first. “I wrote, my mate is a human.” Rhys groaned, flipping over a card that read, “most beautiful female I’d ever seen.”

“That’s what I thought!” Feyre replied, outraged. Rhys merely shrugged. “We were thinking the same thing.”

Nesta, smirking, turned her card over next. My mate is terrifying.

Cassian cackled, revealing a card that read Nesta scared me.

“I know that’s romantic but…wow, Cas,” Azriel teased. Cassian merely shrugged.

“I always knew my perfect female would terrify me.”

“Same,” Nesta agreed with a smile.

Elain flipped over her card which read, oh no.

“You two sure are romantic,” Gwyn joked when Lucien’s card said the same.

“How do we know they’re not cheating?” Rhys demanded; eyes narrowed. Lucien sighed, exasperated.

“Perhaps we spend more time talking than the rest of you,” he suggested. Rhys considered that.

“Maybe. But only because my mouth is occupied—”

“C’mon!” The room complained. Even Gwyn narrowed her eyes at the High Lord, who displayed not one ounce of shame. Arina went last.

“Eris thought about how to get me naked,” Arina replied, revealing her card. True to form, Eris had drawn a rather crude image that caused Lucien to take the card from his elder brother and rip it in half.

At the end of the first round both Lucien and Elain and Arina and Eris were winning, with Feyre and Rhys coming in second and Nesta and Cassian in last place. They were given some time to talk with one another while Gwyn flipped through her cards, but the males were only interested in a rare bottle of whiskey Rhysand had recently acquired.

“This is why we’re losing,” Nesta complained when Cassian did two shots consecutively with Lucien.

“Hardly,” Elain teased as Azriel chuckled in agreement. Cassian narrowed his eyes towards his brother and Azriel shrugged.

“I heard enough up at that house.”

“Okay, okay, let’s do round two so we can all drink,” Gwyn insisted, urging everyone back to their spots. Elain winked at Lucien as Eris called, “We can’t let Lucien and Elain win.”

“Hey!” Elain cried.

“Full offense, Elain,” Eris added, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from his younger brother.

“First question,” Gwyn called over the chatter. “What is your mates perfect day?”

The males all immediately began scribbling responses while the females watched suspiciously. Feyre went first. “In my art studio.”

Rhys groaned as he flipped his card. “In my bed.”

“You had to know I wasn’t going to write that,” Feyre chided.

“Ah but you were thinking it,” Rhys crooned.

Cassian, too, flipped over a card revealing a wholly inappropriate answer. Nesta sighed as she flipped hers over.

“Seriously? With my girls eating cake?”Cassian asked with disbelief while Gwyn rose from her stool to high-five Nesta.

“Hell yes, Cass. You know I love you.”

“Do I?”

Lucien was quick to flip over his card. “In the garden.”

Elain beamed, her own card reflecting his answer.

“That’s a euphemism, by the way,” Lucien informed the group, his cheeks-tinged pink from the alcohol. Elain spluttered, clearly embarrassed for all Lucien noticed. Cassian high-fived him with what he clearly thought was some covertness.

Eris was the last to flip his card which, true to form, depicted a rather crude drawing. Beneath it he’d written, getting absolutely wrecked.

Arina laughed. “You know me so well.” Her overturned card read Non-stop fucking.

“More information than I ever needed,” Azriel grumbled.

“Jealous?” Eris taunted. Azriel leveled an unyielding stare.

“In your fucking dreams.”

“I do dream of you,” Eris replied with a mocking grin.

“Who doesn’t?” Gwyn asked, defusing the situation with a smile. Next question, gentleman.”

“Don’t be gross this time,” Elain murmured, sending Lucien the sweetest death glare to ever exist.

“What are your mates biggest pet peeve?” Gwyn asked. All four males hesitated, glancing towards their mates as they wrote.

As usual, Rhys and Feyre went first. He wrote Tamlin which earned a round of laughter though did not match Feyre’s response (unlabeled paint tins). Cassian guessed Nesta’s answer right (being told what to do) and for the first time, Lucien guessed Elain’s answer wrong.

“Weeds?” Elain asked with an eye roll as she flipped a card to reveal mismatched patterns.

“Ah I almost wrote that,” Lucien said with a sheepish grin, reaching for the bottle of whiskey in Cassian’s hands.

“Are we going to let Eris win?” Nesta asked incredulously as he flipped over his card. It was a drawing of his face with big x’sfor eyes.

Arina laughed, her card reflecting his answer.

“I’m so afraid to go to Autumn Court,” Cassian mock whispered to Rhys. The High Lord nodded as he poured out more shots.

“Last question!” Gwyn told the room. “What is the best gift your mate ever gave you?”

All four men immediately began writing.

“Cassian I know what you’re thinking—”

“You don’t,” Cassian interrupted with a grin that told everyoneexactly what he was thinking.

“That’s my sister,” Elain reminded Cassian, who merely laughed.

Feyre got a little weepy when Rhys flipped over his card to reveal Nyx written in elegant script. She went and plopped into his lap, twining her arms around his neck. “Is that what you wrote, darling?” She showed him her card which did, indeed, have Nyx written on it.

“Ugh,” Nesta and Elain complained at the same time when the two began kissing. Cassian interrupted their moment with more crudeness.

“What?!” He asked with a laugh when she tossed her card at him. “We were losing anyway and these two—” He jerked his thumbs towards Rhys and Lucien –“Are being gross and sentimental. Is that what you want? Open, public displays of affection?”

“Were you not already?” Azriel asked with one arched brow. Nesta’s cheeks immediately reddened.

“What did you write?” Cassian demanded, picking up his card. His face softened at what he saw. “Oh Nes.”

“Oh no,” Azriel muttered when Nesta attacked Cassian’s mouth with her own. “Someone stop them.”

“Hey,” Lucien snapped next to Cassian’s ear. “Save that for later.”

“What did the card say?” Gwyn asked curiously. Nesta showed the red head her card, displaying my freedom to the room.

Lucien flipped his card quickly. “See, this is what I meant,” Cassian grumbled when Lucien revealed the word you to which Elain, beaming, revealed a second wrong answer.

“Did you really write Lucien’s best gift was the chicken you two share?” Arina asked with disbelief, looking at Elain’s card.

“Henrietta is our baby,” Elain protested. Lucien chuckled but did nothing to contradict her assertion.

“Alright Eris. What did Arina write?” Gwyn asked.

Eris had drawn a picture of what was clearly Arina in a crown. “My High Lady,” he crooned, his russet eyes filled with affection. Arina smiled, her card the same.

“It was a nice surprise,” she admitted.

“I can’t believe you two let Eris win,” Rhys chided Lucien and Elain, now sitting on the same side of the couch holding hands.

“You know, while all of you were fucking instead of getting to know each other, Arina and I spent vast amounts of time separated. We wrote letters,” Eris informed the room with just a touch of defense. Arina perched herself on the arm of the sofa Eris sat on, her hand resting on his shoulder. “I could tell you her whole routine since the moment she was bornuntil this morning.”

“I’d rather have done the fucking,” Cassian announced. Lucien choked on his whiskey as Rhys nodded in agreement. “We’ve got forever, I’m in no rush.”

“I’m boring, anyway,” Rhys added. Feyre elbowed him hard.

“This is not how I thought this was going to go,” Gwyn admitted. Azriel, his hands on her shoulders, was walking her to the half empty bottle of whiskey.

“At least we have alcohol to numb the pain,” Feyre joked. There were giggles in response.

At least they had each other.

[argylemikewheeler]

Mike lets Will draw on his skates one time and he's caught been being extra careful with them even though they're already pretty beat up and never wanting to replace them. When he eventually does though he just lets Will draw whatever he wants on them and it becomes a Thing anytime Mike gets new skates.

DAMN okay okay okay so this is so genius. i wrote a bit (plus a visual aid lol) so it's getting a read more:

at first, mike's skates are all black and beat up, but they've got three vinyl stripes that arc from the mid-toes to the ankle. It's the only real estate will has to Doodle so he takes it very seriously. he plans for days before taking mike's right skate (his dominate and most Fucked Up one) and starts drawing little squiggles and bubbles and flowers and faces and x's and o's (shhhh! mike doesn't know what they mean). will has to go home before he starts the other side OR the left skate, but he gives it back to mike. suddenly mike's desire to get new skates flies out the window. it's like a tiny mosaic all about him, all for him. there are the faces will used to draw on his notebook in science, squiggles mike used to think were will's favorite doodles (that he pointed out and was embarrassed to learn they're just how will tests his pens), and flowers that look like the ones outside of his house... there is so much detail mike stares at it for so long. he loves them. he loves-- no.

the next day, max takes him to the skatepark and he's... hesitant. he wants to drop in, wants to try a trick, try transitions and spins but... what if he falls. sure, he has no safety gear (he refuses at this point, sure his mom has a point, but fuck his dad's lectures), but that's never bothered him before. every time he drops in he can't stop staring at his feet-- watching what might bump into his skates and smudge the marker. it was done on the vinyl stripes; one scrap against the curb and they could rip up! they could get a hole! they could wear away! god why didn't he ask will to draw on the inside-- he gets embarrassed that that's what he's upset about. he tries his usual skate routine and tries not to mind. he does mind. he ends up just doing laps in the empty hockey rink.

for his birthday, robin and steve pool their hawkins video money and buy him a really nice pair of chad valley red roller skates with the same little color stripes on the side ("a rainbow!" robin almost says but stops when steve elbows her). at first mike is hurt; how could they ask him to replace the ones with will's art. how could they not see that's the most important part of them. fuck the bearings that leak oil and wheels that are hard plastic despite his exclusive outdoor skating, fuck the torn arch of his left skate that makes turning hard now, fuck it all-- it's got his art.

when mike looks unenthused at the box, they point at it-- making him open it-- and say it's because he's all hellfire'd up recently. but all mike can notice now is that the sides are soft, they're suede-like... they're FABRIC. they can be drawn on and not smear or be wiped off. sure the drawings can be worn but the fabric will still be there, just flat and greyed-- it all can be drawn back on. it's a forever way to have will with him in the park... or at home.

he doesn't even have to ask when it's just him and will in the basement again, everyone upstairs answering karen's call for cake. he just nudges his old skate toward will and opens the box. will smiles and reaches into his bag: he already brought a marker. "max called and told me you've been scared to hurt your skates at the park," he says with a laugh. he turns the skate around in his hands, assessing his landscape. "if you liked my art so bad, you should've just said so. i can do something on canvas too, you know, mike. that lasts forever-- and you don't put your dirty feet on it." "yeah, but," mike says. "i can't take that with me everywhere. can't take you with me everywhere either. this is all i have. you're all i have."

karen calls again for mike and will to come upstairs-- they can't have cake without mike. their moment is about to be taken, about to end, when will puts the skate between his legs and quickly undoes the laces. he yanks on the tongue and bends it over. he uncaps his marker with his teeth and spits out the cap. on the inside of the skate's tongue, over the sewn in tag, he draws a heart-- fast and without any over-planning or hesitation. he ties the skate back up and puts it back in the box, standing and looking down at mike. he's red in the face, but mike imagines he is too--maybe even more so with his slack jaw and frozen-still posture. "you always have me." will says. "we promised: crazy together. i'm not going anywhere. i'll follow you anywhere."

BONUS: the skates in question...

[lordabovehelpme]

Rainy Day- Din Djarin x Reader

This is the next chapter to my Days Filled with Love series. You can find the first part here! :) 

Summary: When your family experiences a downpour, you have to find other ways to entertain yourselves. 

Warnings: female reader, children

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The soft sound of rain echoes throughout the house. All the lights are off as the soft glow of the morning light casts shadows onto the golden skin of your husband. His hands idly rub over your chest and shoulders. Every now and then he’ll just cup your mound of fat, not in a vulgar way but rather in a pleasant way. He has told you time and time again how he loves the comforting weight and heat that your body offers him.

His back is leaned up against the headboard as you lay between his large thighs with your own back against his chest. He happily fondles your mounds while you read one of your favorite books. A steaming mug of tea rests on the bedside table, long forgotten as you become enveloped with the characters' story. His head rests atop your own as he lazily skins over the various words you are so absorbed in.

The soft comforter lays across your lap, keeping all four of your bare legs nice and warm. Before you had kids your husband would often sleep as he was born, naked and very much not afraid. But after Grogu climbed in bed a few nights you both decided that in order to save his innocent eyes, the mandalorian should keep at least a pair of boxers on.

There have been countless moments where those boxers have saved more than one pair of little curious eyes. Mornings where the blanket is ripped off of your sleeping forms by various excited children. Nights where little bodies crawled in between the two of you in a search for safety from their dark dreams. But you can both agree that you would never trade those memories for the world.

You have to admit, in the mandalorians' arms you truly feel like nothing can hurt you.

“Cyare,” He gives your chest a squeeze as he tries to gain your fous, “pay attention to me! You’ve read this book so many times before.”

Without missing a beat you counter him, “And I’ve given you kisses about ten times more.”

A small smile breaks onto your face at his loud boyish groan. He settles back into silence and places his head again on top of your own. In reward you reach back with one hand and cup his cheek. When he leans into your touch you slide your fingers under his chin and scratch at the scruff there.

He hums out his approval and you just know his eyes are closed. Moments like these really make you ponder if you married a man or an oversized dog. A breath of air puffs from your nose as you imagine him with a fiercely wagging tail and two fluffy ears.

When you bring your hand back down to rest on your stomach he whines and rubs his head against your own, again, much like a dog.

You giggle softly at your new found discovery.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Mmm, nothing.”

He sighs and rests his head on your shoulder. His arms snake around your middle and pull you as close as he can into his grasp. He presses a kiss to the spot just below your ear.

Your shoulder rises slightly in response and his chuckle reverberates across your skin.

“I love you cyare.”

You lean your head against his. “I love you too handsome.”

***

You’re standing in the kitchen, vegetables frying in a pan as you stir some pasta. Screams of delight sound from upstairs and every now and then you can hear a crash. You pray that they don’t hurt themselves too bad.

Tobbi is asleep, strapped to your chest and Isabet is sitting in her high chair with some markers and paper. Grogu sits next to her as they draw together.

The kids are antsy, usually outside playing. However, the strong downpour outside has put a stop in their usual plans.

Reeza barrels down the stairs, laughing as hard as she can and running as fast as her legs will carry. She rushes into the kitchen and right into your form.

An oof escapes your lips as you wrap your free hand around her shoulders. “What is going on?”

She looks up at you and smiles, her two front teeth missing from when she lost them earlier this week. “Hi, Tobbi.” She pats his bottom before turning to look at the doorway. “Hide me!”

“Hide you?” You ask in amusement and brush her hair behind her ears.

An inhuman roar sounds from the top of the stairs and echoes through the house. “He’s coming!” She lifts the bottom of your skirt and slips beneath it.

“Oh!” You gasp as you feel her grab onto one of your legs.

“Shh, be quiet Mommy.”

Your eyebrows raise and you just shake your head, turning back to the stove. There is never a dull moment at the Djarin residence.

“Where are you, you little womp rat?” Your husband stomps down the stairs, in the same fashion your daughter did. Maker, they are all so similar to him.

He silently stalks over to the couch and as soon as he peeks behind it he growls as if trying to scare whoever was supposed to be there. When he realizes that his target is missing he taunts again, “You think you’re smart, huh?”

You watch with a smile on your face as he walks into another room.

A hand reaches out from beneath your skirt and opens and closes, obviously wanting something.

“Mommy can I have a carrot please?”

You laugh and hand a piece to her outstretched paw, “Of course sweetheart.”

She latches onto it and once again the hand disappears. “Thank you.” You can hear her munch away at the vegetable and you just smile and shake your head. Never a dull moment.

It takes about two minutes for your husband to make his way to the kitchen. His loud stomps sound through the house as he approaches you.

His gaze locks onto you and he prowls forward. Hands wrap around your waist and he presses a kiss to your lips. But he doesn’t forget to greet his youngest son.

“Hey little guy.” His facade breaks as he strokes the tuft of soft curly brown hair that Tobbi so proudly sports. Little brown eyes open and stare up at the mandalorian. A wide smile forms on your son's face as he reaches up and grabs your husband's finger. He babbles and giggles as the mandalorian tickles his little stomach.

Isabet yells out, trying to get her fathers attention. “REE VA!” Her arm waves down at your skirt.

Small giggles sound from beneath your skirt.

Your husband turns to look at Isabet and then scans down to your long skirt. He meets your eyes and his own swirl with amusement. Giving you one last kiss, he presses his finger against his lips, signaling you to stay silent.

Slowly he sinks down to his knees.

You hold your breath, waiting for what the bounty hunter will possibly do next.

As fast as he can, he whips your skirt up and grabs your daughter. She screams in delight and you gasp at the cool air on your bare legs.

He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her from you. She tries to reach out and grab your legs but your husband pulled her away too fast.

She is nearly wheezing from laughing so hard. But in between the laughs she pleads with him. “Daddy, no!” and “Daddy, please!”

A loud battle cry sounds from the living room as Myles charges in and flings himself at your husband. But there is only so much a seven year old can do to the large bounty hunter. Your husband bends down and lifts Myles over his shoulder. Tobbi laughs and giggles as his little legs kick in excitement.

Your husband turns to look at you, smiling wide as he holds two screaming and laughing children.

You have never been more in love.

***

The three youngest kids have already been put to bed, so it just leaves you, Myles, Reeza, and a very sleepy mandalorian.

Reeza sits on her fathers lap while Myles sits on your own. A large blanket is wrapped around you and Myles as the two of you stare at the other members of your family.

Your husband's head leans back against the chair as he snores loudly. Reeza lays on his chest, her arms wrapped around his neck as she also snores, the spitting image, and sound, of the mandalorian.

“Does he always snore that bad?”

You giggle and press a kiss to the top of your son's head. “No, it’s just the angle he is at. Once he lays down it will be much quieter.”

He nods slowly, trying to analyze why the angle would affect his fathers loud snores. Once he seems to find an answer he likes, he asks another question, “Do I snore like that?” He sends a disgusted side glance at his father.

Myles was never really a snorer. When he was a toddler he was a mouth breather so naturally he snored a little, but now it has been fixed. “A little when you were younger, but it’s gone away now.”

He nods his head, eyes glassy as he thinks over this new information. “Good.”

You laugh at his simple response. “Yes, then when you have your own kids they won’t stare at you while you sleep and make fun of you.”

“Ewww, mommmmmm.” He whines but you just kiss at his cheeks.

“I know, it’s gross, I’m sorry.”

He looks up at you, gears turning behind those expressive eyes. “You’re kisses will never be gross, kids are gross.”

A loud fit of laughter erupts from your stomach. “Why do you say that?”

“Because I’ve seen you change lots of diapers. And I’ve gagged each time.”

You laugh and shower him with kisses again. “Maker, I love you.”

“I love you too Mom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter: Sick Day

I hope you all liked this chapter! 

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Love, Lordy :) 

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[canmom]

Animation Night 89 - Don Hertzfeldt

Good evening, my friends! Tonight I moved out of my house of the last three years, but that’s no reason not to hold an Animation Night, the most important occasion in the world.

...

...

Tonight, then! We’re going to watch some films of American animator Don Hertzfeldt!

Hertzfeldt is best known of course for his short film Rejected (2001), which you may well have witnessed a good two decades ago on Youtube. Drawn and shot singlehandedly by Hertzfeldt using markers and a 35mm rostrum camera, the film relies on a blend of very 2000s ‘random’ humour, but frames it through a device that makes it a joke on the character of the animator, who allegedly submitted these increasingly edgy shorts to advertising agencies. Eventually his mind decays entirely from the repeated rejections, resulting in the paper world collapsing and slaughtering the cartoons.

But ultimately the focus is mostly on the jokes themselves: each one a short self-contained setup and punchline (often violence), with uncomfortable, bulging eyes stick figures screaming their lines (“My spoon is too big!”); gradually they start to build on each other and iterate on the jokes. The visual style is relatively simple since Hertzfeldt would have had to redraw every frame in Gertie the Dinosaur fashion, with the slight inconsistencies from frame to frame creating an inevitable ‘boiling lines’ effect that adds to the uncomfortable atmosphere.

You can watch a remaster here:

And this unsettling atmosphere and tight absurdist comic timing made it a massive hit, inspiring who even knows how many Flash cartoons (see how many films follow its idiom in animation night 10 and animation night 48) and earning Hertzfeldt a wide reputation.

So where did it come from? Hertzfeldt began animating in university at 17, with Ah, L’Amour (1995), featuring heterosexual male frustrations that’s quite literally cartoonishly misogynist at face value, but at least has some amusement in seeing the guy get guroed repeatedly for his trouble. The next year he followed it with Genre (1996), leaning on a ‘lack of ideas’ joke, but this allowed him to experiment with new styles such as pixilation. By this point he was evidently already stepping into his comedic style, and the film is a series of amusing violent skits on various genres, definitely anticipating Rejected.

Although these two films introduced many elements of his style - the rough paper texture, the boiling lines, the styles of expression, textured pen drawing and violence, Lily and Jim (1997) (youtube) was the first to start zeroing in on the tone. This was the first to introduce lipsynced dialogue, featuring two extremely insecure people on a blind date, and it’s mostly a character animation exercise, expressing the two characters’ immense awkwardness and self-sabotage through body language, glances, etc. In contrast to Ah, L’Amour, this one presents the date with total symmetry; the male character complaining that ‘women don’t under stand him’ is now evidently blustering to cover his own inability to connect.

His final student film was Billy’s Balloon (1998) (youtube), which really started to approach the unsettling tone he was known for, as a bug-eyed child is devoured by a balloon monster. This one has a number of nice direction decisions, and it’s an effective cute horror piece. Before long, this caught attention at animation festivals and on MTV, back when the channel was frequently home to experimental animation.

In the wake of this, Hertzfeldt really was approached by advertising agencies, and though he turned them down (and has generally expressing an appropriate disgust towards advertising, once calling them “nothing but lies”), this inspired the frame story of Rejected. Ironically, the style of his shorts would later be ripped off in a series of Pop Tarts ads. After a while, though, the wave broke... and well, the world mostly moved on! Hertzfeldt’s style was no longer as novel in a post-Newgrounds world, and in any case he was pretty much done with absurdist comedy. Which is not to say his subsequent work didn’t get attention - indeed, it has received almost universal acclaim from those who’ve seen it - but it tended to be back in the narrower domain of arthouse animation circles.

Following Rejected, then, Hertzfeldt spent some years working on his next film, The Meaning of Life (2005), which presents a massive long durée story of evolution from the origins of life to the far future, with the same patterns playing out over and over at different times. Alongside this, Hertzfeldt released a timelapse process video, showing the process of drawing frames, flipping, and animation tests at various stages all with intense silent concentration. The effect is evidently to try and convey something the spiritual experience of animation - at least in my interpretation, since Hertzfeldt himself does not wish to speak.

During this time, he collaborated with Mike Judge to run an animation anthology show, later joined by other independent short film animators like Joanna Quinn and Bill Plympton. For these, Hertzfeld made a handful of shorts to introduce and close out the show.

After The Meaning of Life found success, Hertzfeldt embarked on one of his longest projects: a trilogy of short films which he would subsequently edit together into a feature-length film called It’s Such a Beautiful Day (2012) (the first two chapters being Everything Will Be OK and I’m So Proud Of You). The films, widely praised for being unreasonably emotionally affecting, concern a man named Bill gradually experiencing a mental breakdown which disrupts his sense of temporality and causes him to suffer various hallucinations.

Alongside these films, he produced a short called Wisdom Teeth screened by surprise at the Ottawa Animation Festival. This one returns to the gore and absurdist humour of Rejected. A man comes out of a wisdom teeth removal operation, and his friend - both speaking in a kind of German-inflected simlish - pulls out his stitches, ultimately pulling out something like his inner child.

By this point, Don Hertzfeldt definitely had a presence in the animation industry as a kind of beloved weirdo, and The Simpsons approached him for a couch gag. Hertzfeldt returned to the themes of The Meaning of Life, transporting the characters into a distant future where their forms have dissolved and relationships fallen apart but still they play their roles.

Despite the rather satirical angle on what the show had become, the showrunners seemed to appreciate it, and the weirdness of the animation left a broader impression. Hertzfeldt, meanwhile, returned to his familiar ground: spending years and years creating another series of short films, this one titled World of Tomorrow, in which Hertzfeldt’s own four-year-old niece was recorded interacting with illustrator Julia Pott performing as her clone from hundreds of years in the future. This builds into an increasingly elaborate plot in which dozens of Emily clones continue to manifest, laying out an apocalyptic timeline. The first episode was released 2015, and the last in 2020, so you can imagine the amount of work piled in. In a break from Hertzfeldt’s previous strictly pen-on-paper films, this time the animation is tradigital, but maintains his minimalist style.

So then, tonight! Since none of his films are very long, we’re gonna marathon the entire Don Hertzfeldt filmography. I admit, I’ve slept on Hertzfeldt’s later films - I just had him in my head as the Rejected guy - but it sounds like he has found an increasing emotional depth in his minimalist style and it will go to some really fascinating places. I also respect him for sticking to his guns on making art films that fit his own desires instead of playing to his audience, and definitely his hatred of advertising, even if I disagree with his stance on free film distribution and I’ve heard rumours about litigiousness against other people who draw stick figures that make me raise an eyebrow a little. (Of course, it’s America, it’s not like there’s a lot of arts council funding the way there is for short animated films in Europe! So I imagine that has an effect.)

I think this is going to be one of those Animation nights, like the ‘annecycore’ night a few weeks ago, where I’m going to come back thinking that this writeup won’t do any sort of justice to their subject. But that’s why we watch the films! So, if you will join me in about half an hour, we’ll enjoy some weird posthuman scifi and discover what unrecognised possibilities the stick figure holds.

Animation Night 89 will start at about 22:45-23:00 UK time at twitch.tv/canmom. Apologies for the late start, I started writing this up once I got out of the car and I gotta eat. We should be back to normal next week!

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire

Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3

This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!

Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America

Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)

Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue

Word count: 5.1k

Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.

No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.

He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.

No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky” “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.

No one.

So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?

He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.

That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.

Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.

It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.

He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.

Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.

For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.

Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.

How about best friend?

How about partner in crime?

How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.

It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.

“Anyone got a marker?”

The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.

“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”

It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.

He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.

Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.

Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.

Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.

“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”

He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.

Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”

“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”

When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.

“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”

This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”

He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.

Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”

The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.

It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?

No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.

Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.

See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.

It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?

The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.

Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.

They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.

Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.

“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”

Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.

Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.

And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.

Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.

The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.

“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”

The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”

“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”

Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.

Who knew, right?

“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.

“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”

Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—

Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.

Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.

“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”

Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.

He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”

A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”

Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.

“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.

Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?

“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”

He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.

When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.

“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”

He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.

He feels feral again.

“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”

Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.

Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”

Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.

You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.

It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.

“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.

“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”

With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.

The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.

“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.

Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.

“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”

Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.

He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.

“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.

Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.

“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”

Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”

Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”

Now she sounds like Winnie too.

“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”

She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”

Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”

Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”

Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.

Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?

It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.

Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”

With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.

He’s never wanted to be.

Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.

But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.

That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.

[lisbonsteresa]

We Keep This Love (In a Photograph) (Nancy x Ace)

The first time he finds the photo is the day after the food festival. 

He arrives at the Claw late, rushing to shove his jacket into his locker and get to the kitchen before George notices his absence, when something crinkles unexpectedly in the pocket. Reaching in, he pulls out the polaroid - a bit wrinkled, the right corner completely folded over - but still in one piece even after the events of the day before. He stares at it for a moment, crouching in front of his open locker, trying to recall when he had acted on the impulse to grab it off the coffee table in their rush to leave, and before he can stop to realize what he’s doing he’s studying the picture’s subject instead. Hair falling into her eyes, dirt from the tunnels still smeared across her face, her features set in an expression of determined focus as she dug into the box of files Carson had procured for her, still looking so perfectly…Nancy. A small grin crosses his face as he remembers her amused reaction to the flash of the camera turning into a sincere smile as Carson told her how proud of her he was - Because of her testimony. The grin drops off his face as the memories of the rest of the day rush back into sharp focus. The sense of uselessness he’d felt as he’d dangled from that railing and watched his life be traded for the lives of countless others; the terrifying amount of finality he’d heard in her ‘I couldn’t lose you.’; the way there was no doubt in his mind about what “favor” Celia had asked for in return - a favor that for all he knows Nancy could be fulfilling right this moment. 

As if summoned by his own despondent thoughts, the door to the storeroom suddenly bursts open and Nancy rushes in, her coat hanging off of one arm as she fastens her hair into a hurried bun. Her mad dash stops short upon seeing him, and as their eyes meet he’s suddenly overwhelmed by all the things he wants to say to her; all the things he held back the day before while Grant was around. The questions of  ‘How could you -’ and ‘Why would you -’ and the arguments starting with ‘This will ruin your -’ and ‘I’m not worth -’ cycle around each other in his mind, and he can tell that something’s about to slip out his mouth but he can’t make the connection between them to know what it’ll be - And then suddenly he doesn’t have to. George’s annoyed voice rings out from the kitchen, and he’s never heard the phrase ‘saved by the boss’ before, but after this he might consider adopting it. He quickly crumples the photo into a ball and tosses it into his locker, following it with his jacket as if burying the image would help him bury the feelings it brought up. He gives Nancy a curt nod, avoiding whatever he might have seen in her eyes as he turns and heads towards the stairs, knowing there was a difference between delaying something and running away from it, but not quite sure which side this was falling on.

——————————————————————

It’s several months before he sees it again. Long enough for Everett Hudson’s first case to be declared a mistrial due to jury tampering, and for the time between it and his retrial to be just enough to allow Nick and Ryan to find a smoking gun hidden in Tiffany’s files that put the Hudson patriarch away for his full sentence (officially, at least). Long enough for Amanda to turn to him on her doorstep two weeks after the trial and tell him that she and Gil were leaving - finally following up on his lead in Santa Fe. There were kisses goodbye and offers to help in any way he could, but they both agreed it would be better for her to focus on finding her mother, and at this point it’s been long enough that he’s starting to feel like he’s doing okay after the breakup. He’s starting to feel like everything’s back to…whatever passes for normal in Horseshoe Bay. At least, he is until Nancy announces - midway through George’s mandated After Hours End-of-Summer-Cleaning Locker Inspection, no less - that she’s gotten into Columbia. 

His hand had just closed around a crumpled ball of paper in the back of his locker when the words leave her mouth, and the ball stays in his hand even as he joins in on the group hug an ecstatic Bess initiates; as he tells Nancy how happy he is for her; as he reassures George that he’ll close up so she can ride with Nick to the celebration he’s sure Carson has planned for Nancy back at their place. 

It isn’t until he’s left alone in the storeroom and he drops down onto the bench in front of his locker that he notices how tightly he’s been gripping the paper. Or the…not paper, he corrects himself as he notices the different texture of whatever he was holding. A sneaking suspicion comes from the back of his mind as he starts to smooth out the ball, and once the image is revealed in full - slightly faded with the right corner ripping off altogether after he pulls a bit too hard -  he has to fight the urge to crumple the photo again and toss it into the trash. 

Which is a weird impulse, isn’t it? Because he was happy for her, of course he was. This was Nancy’s dream school, after all, and after the year that she’s had, doesn’t she deserve to do what makes her happy? To move on with her - His thoughts stutter to a stop. He shakes his head and tries again. After all, hasn’t he - haven’t they all - known this was coming, sooner or later? Hasn’t he known from the start that Nancy was meant for bigger and better things? That she wasn’t going to hang around forever, not in this nowhere small town, with her ragtag group of friends and the dishwasher who’s been at a standstill since high school -

He’s being unfair, he knows. Because Nancy doesn’t see it, any of it, like that. He knows how much Nancy cares; about Horseshoe Bay, about her friends…about him. She’d told him as much during the countless knock-down-drag-out arguments they’d had after the incident at the paper mill, hadn’t she? But he can feel annoyance - or maybe even anger -  rising up inside him, and if he doesn’t deflect it towards her, then he’ll have to confront himself, and he’s been avoiding that confrontation for months now. He’d have to actually think about why he’s been keeping Nancy at arm’s length even after they’d both said their piece during those arguments. Why he’d been so insistent that they’d ‘gotten back to normal’ when he honestly wasn’t sure he had any idea of what ‘normal’ was for them. It certainly wasn’t the way she’d avoided his eyes when he’d congratulated her, but he wasn’t sure it was the way she had held onto his hand long after everyone else had left their hug either. He’d have to actually think about how he’d wasted so much time pretending there wasn’t still something to fix between them, and how he didn’t know what to feel now that he’s realized they’ve run out of time anyway.

When Amanda had left, it had felt like they were mutually closing a door - calm and maybe a little sad, but with both of them smiling and understanding on their respective sides. Knowing that Nancy was leaving felt like having to struggle with a door against hurricane-level winds, without a clue of what side he wanted to be on once he finally got it closed. But maybe that’s not a fair comparison to make, he rationalizes. After all, he and Amanda were together. He and Nancy have just been…  He looks back down at the polaroid, his thumb running along the torn edge as he considers just what exactly he and Nancy have been, before dragging a hand through his hair with a sigh. Too late to figure it out now, anyway.

He leans forward and slips the photo between the pages of a library book already overdue by a year at the bottom of his locker. So he’ll have something to remember her by, he tells himself, unsure if the unpleasant feeling that settles in his gut as he slams the locker shut is bitterness or just plain sadness.

——————————————————————

Life goes on in Horseshoe Bay, even without Nancy Drew. It’s not until late fall when he sees the photo again. He’s helping George and Nick with the Claw’s first official Allhallowtide event, spending his day helping kids decorate their lanterns whenever he’s not hyping Bess up over text for her ‘very preliminary, very probational, very terrifying!!!!!’ (her exclamation points, not his) first in-person meeting with Aunt Diana since she’d started slowly rebuilding their relationship. 

He’s sitting on the steps leading into the storeroom after one of their longer text exchanges, laughing when George calls out for him to make himself useful and find more markers, but he rises to follow her instructions anyway. It takes him all of 5 minutes to realize that they are completely marker-free, digging through every drawer and pencil holder in the room and coming up with nothing, before he remembers the pack of Crayolas he’s pretty sure survived his last locker clean-out. 

He unloads his jacket, a few books, and the jumbo pack of earplugs he’s been drawing from ever since that siren incident three weeks ago onto the bench to make it easier to find the markers, but the earplugs overbalance the books and everything comes toppling down before he can even look through what’s left in the locker. 

With a sigh, he leans over and picks up the old library book that fell face-down, watching curiously as a square of paper drops out from between the pages and back down onto the floor. A catalogue card, he wonders, or maybe a note someone stashed and forgot about? But as he picks it up and sees the torn right corner, he realizes that not only is it not regular paper, but that he knows exactly what he’s going to see before he flips the item over. 

A shock runs through him all the same once he does, seeing Nancy’s face for the first time in months. He doesn’t have more than a moment to think about that though, as his phone erupts with seven text tones in rapid succession at the same time George’s shouts for him to hurry up reach the storeroom. After a tiny moment of hesitation, he slides the polaroid into his back pocket and shoves everything else back into the locker before making his way back to the dining room, marker-less and contrite. 

That was a mistake. He spends the rest of the day hyperaware of what he’s holding onto, patting his pocket for reassurance it hasn’t slipped out so many times that one of Ted’s friends asks him - with all the seriousness a 9-year old can muster - if he is also suffering from the ‘wedgie-saurus’. 

It isn’t until that night, after he insists that he’ll close up the Claw so Nick and George can stay with her sisters at the lantern-lighting event, that he has a moment alone to actually look at the picture. He straddles the storeroom bench, placing it down in front of him and resting his elbows on his knees so he can lean in close as a sudden wave of guilt hits him. He remembers the way their text conversations had petered out after long stretches of one-word or emoji-only replies; the way her calls had slowly become less and less frequent until they stopped altogether. He still gets weird looks from the others when he makes excuses to avoid their video calls with her; can still hear Bess’s overly-sympathetic voice after she’d spent a long weekend in New York telling him that everything was fine, that Nancy just misses him.

He misses her too; of course he does. Some days he misses her so much the ache of it catches him by surprise. Like when he'd realized his habit of watching the door for the first ten minutes of every shift, still expecting her to rush through it with her name tag missing and an excuse at the ready. When he made a Big Lebowski reference at dinner one night and got nothing other than a confused smile from his mother in response. When he was researching something at the end of the bar and felt a phantom presence at his shoulder, like she was just outside his peripheral, leaning up against him and waiting impatiently for him to turn towards her and give her the answer she was looking for. 

It didn’t seem possible for someone he’d known for barely a year to have become such a big part of every aspect of his life, but everywhere he’s turned for months there seems to be another reminder of Nancy Drew.

And that just makes everything worse. Because he hadn’t been able to give her the answers she might have needed before she left. And now, now that he’s had the time to figure those answers out, now that they kept him up at night, running endlessly through his head while he stares dejectedly at the ceiling, he doesn’t know if they’re still the same answers she was looking for now. And he’s terrified by the thought that they might not be. He’s gotten himself caught in a mystery he doesn’t know how to solve on his own.

But maybe… His thoughts are interrupted by the chime of the clock hanging above the back door, and he starts when he realizes nearly an hour has passed since he first sat down. Glancing at the photo again, he waits for the urge to tuck it back between the pages of that book; to push his feelings down and avoid having to confront them, but it doesn’t come. 

Something else clicks into place with the last chime of the clock, and holding the polaroid in one hand, he unlocks his phone with the other, ignoring Bess’s 5 recap and 2 goodnight texts for the moment while he taps the contact info for the only other person he’s sure will be awake at midnight on a Tuesday. 

She picks up on the first ring. “Ace?” 

Her voice sounds tired, maybe even a little worried, but so deeply familiar his heart jumps into his throat just at the sound of her saying his name. “Hey, Nancy.” he begins, unable to hold back a small smile as he looks down at her picture. “Can we talk?”

Maybe he doesn’t have to solve this one alone.

Maybe neither of them do.

——————————————————————

Nancy’s bright hair makes her easy to spot, even from his position across the train platform. He watches as she peers through the crowd, noticing him with a grin and a tiny wave, before he pushes off from the wall and starts to make his way over to meet her. 

He’d practically had to fight Ryan to be the one picking her up, he imagines telling her as she laughs. The man had been ready to push him down in the driveway until Carson had stepped in to - heavily, mind you - imply that maybe Nancy and Ace could use a little ‘alone time’. 

That part he might keep to himself, actually. It was bad enough that Carson acted like he was in on some big secret every time he got off the phone with his daughter; he didn’t need her wondering why both her father figures were trading smug smiles every time the four of them were in a room together. 

He realizes too late that he’d gotten caught up in his thoughts and that Nancy was suddenly standing less than a foot away from him. “Hi.” he murmurs, the memory of their last - somewhat awkward - reunion tugging at the back of his mind. (He almost wished his arm was still in a sling. Then at least he’d only have to worry about what to do with one of his hands).

“Hi.” she replies in the same tone, her own hands twisting nervously in the strap of her bag, but a beaming smile on her face. It was the same smile he’d seen during their almost daily video calls for the past month and a half, but he hadn’t thought to prepare for the way it makes his heart flip to see it directed at him, live and in person.

“H-how’s Columbia?” he manages to only stumble over the first word, but it doesn’t really seem to matter because suddenly Nancy’s dropped her luggage and launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and clinging to him while his arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her closer still as he breathes in the fact that this is really happening, that it’s not a dream he’s going to wake up from to find the calendar mockingly reminding him there was another three days until her holiday break started.

He’s not sure how long they stay there, wrapped up in each other while the rest of the world moves around them, but when they finally pull away he knows his smile is as bright as hers. There’s a lot they still have to share - he hasn’t told her about his first day interning with John Sander yet, and she has a copy of the Daily Spectator with her first front page article stowed safely in her bag - and a lot - the distance, their schedules, missing each other - that they still have to figure out. But as he holds out his hand and Nancy takes it in hers, intertwining their fingers as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Ace can’t find it in himself to worry. 

Whatever happens, they’ll figure out a way to solve it. Together.

——————————————————————

(She finds the photo less than a week later; sees it hanging on the inside of his locker when she stops by the Claw to help them decorate for the holidays. Bess is beside herself at somehow being one of the last to know, but Ace can’t really focus on anything other than the look in Nancy’s eyes as she pulls him in for a kiss.)

[cranetreegang]

The Messenger: Part One: The Task

Hey! Thanks for checking this out. I've been working on this short story because I think mermaids/mermen are super neat. This is the first part of many. Let me know what you think!

Summary: Evie decides to take up the long vacant position of the village messenger to venture into the forest. The forest is known for taking those who enter, and they never return. Will she become another causality? Or will she find that not everything is what it seems?

Word Count: ~4,100 words

----------------------------------------

The dreary morning sun illuminated my quaint room enough for me to see. I stared at my tense reflection in the mirror as I tugged my hair into tight braids. Today was the day I would have to venture into the forest beyond the safety of the village. The very same forest that was filled with creatures that tricked, or slaughtered, anyone who trespassed. I always wondered if the stories were true or not, since I haven’t heard of anyone dying or missing since I was a little girl.

A bitter smile reflected back at me. I would be finding out soon enough the validity of the dangers that lurked within the shadows of those towering trees. I looked over my hair and face again, trying to delay leaving for as long as possible. I knew I couldn’t stay though. I had to meet my fate in the wooden unknown that has plagued my imagination for far too long.

I shrugged my black wool robe over my shoulders then left the warm embrace of my cabin. The cool air stung my cheeks and filled my lungs. I stood in front of my cabin for a moment longer. The wooden structure before me was nothing of note, but I still called it home. A pit in my stomach formed at the thought of never coming back home.

I turned on my heel to began the short walk towards the village. My head was swarming with thoughts of the endless possibilities of what could happen today. Pine smoke and baked goods filled the chilly air that brought a brief warmth to my otherwise frigid thoughts. People milled about the center market square on their way to their jobs, but froze when their eyes landed on me. The silent stares made me feel like I was a wandering ghost. Like I was already dead, and I just hadn’t realized it yet. I tried my best to pay them no mind as I approached the post office.

An older man with balding salty chestnut hair greeted me with a pitying warm grin that bordered on a frown. Postmaster Griffith had been posted here for as long as I could remember. To be under his tutelage was unexpected. In fact, I never would’ve foreseen myself taking up the vacant position of messenger if not for my desire to leave the village. I had a burning itch inside of me for ages to go into the forest, but venturing into the forest would mean immediate banishment if you were caught.

“You’re here.” He greeted me; his wrinkles seemed to consume most of his worried filled sea green eyes.

I nodded and smiled. “Good morning. I’m ready.” I sounded more sure than I felt. I held out my hand to take the bulky leather bag from him. He hesitated between my outstretched hand and the mailbag. His brows pinched together and his lips formed a tight line as he handed me the bag.

“There’s no shame if you don’t make it there. No one will hold it against you if you come back before making the drop-off.” He whispered loud enough for just me to hear. I slung the bag onto my back then squeezed his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it and be back before nightfall.” I gave a gentle smile to ease the burly old man who seemed to be wallowing in guilt at sending me into the forest.

“I sure do hope so.” He sighed.

I bowed my head and gave a brief wave before setting off towards the woods. Young and old people alike gathered on either side of the street that led out to the wall of trees. I could hear whispers and murmurs of their worries, fears, and speculations at what would happen to me. I even heard bets being made that I would come back running, or that I would end up dead before the sun hit the highest point of the day.

I kept my head held high despite wanting to crumble under the growing fear the closer I got to the edge. When I reached the beginning of the forest, I glanced behind me to see everyone still staring at me. I bit my lip then took a deep breath. I had to know. I took a confident first step into the woods then another. I smiled a bit at not being eaten right away and kept my brisk stride going through the woods.

Rocks of various sizes lined the dirt path that was overrun by various plants and tree roots. My gaze climbed up the tall trees that towered over me. The trees gently swayed in the wind and leaves would rustle over the sounds of birds chirping. The air felt cleaner than in the village, which I thought was odd. I never noticed how the trees gave off such a rich earthy smell. I marveled at how tiny I was compared to these massive trees. I went up to one such tree and tried to wrap my arms around the base, only to not even make it halfway around its trunk.

When the sun rose further in the sky, I pulled the map out of my pack, which nearly ripped apart in my hands, to ensure I was still on the right trail. The map itself was from the last messenger years ago, when I believe Griffith was a young man. Crude drawings made up of three arrowheads with a line through them for trees consumed most of the tanned paper. Rectangles with a triangle on top represented the markers I would need to go to. A thick black line curved through the trees to each marker until it stopped at the square shaped drop-off point. Judging from the entrance of the village to the first marker, I had another hour of hiking before I reached the first marker, if it still existed. I would need to get to three different markers before reaching the drop-off point at the end of the trail. Which meant that if I kept my current pace, I would reach the drop-off by early afternoon.

I put away the map, and continued down the path. I was having a good time, all things considered. I found myself humming a happy tune that went with my upbeat stride. I swung from tree trunk to tree trunk as I hopped on outstretched roots that crossed the path. I couldn’t have asked for a better day to be out in the woods. I paused my brisk pace when something shined through the branches in front of me. I cautiously approached the foreign object with hints of worry starting to come over me. When I finally got close enough to the glowing object, I realized that it must’ve been a marker.

The marker was a rectangular wooden post that went up to my chest with an orange glowing pyramid on top. I cautiously tapped the pyramid and was shocked to feel it was made of glass. I peered into the glowing apparatus, but the light was too bright for me to actually see inside. The post that the pyramid was on had strange markings that I traced along to the bottom. I recognized some of the engravings that lined some of the houses back in the village. Not that I knew what they meant though.

My ears perked up at the sounds of water in the distance. I pulled out my map to see if there were any water features nearby, but the parchment only contained the markers and the drop-off point. I figured it must be some sort of river or waterfall nearby causing that noise. I looked between the path and the source of the water in conflict. I knew I wasn’t supposed to stray too far from the glowing markers and path. The burning feeling in my chest seemed to almost heighten at the thought of going towards the water. I wasn’t about to let my opportunity for exploration go to waste.

I glanced around me to ensure no one was around before stepping off the path towards the water. I snuck carefully over fallen branches and made sure to keep myself as quiet as possible. I didn’t think I would be ambushed since I hadn’t seen anything yet, but I wasn’t about to take my chances being so far from the trail. I followed the sounds of water until I reached a clearing. I ducked under the tree branches to see a secluded lake that had a trickling waterfall coming over a towering slate cliff face. I couldn’t hold back my gasp at the sight of the pristine blueish green waters that laid before me. The breeze took with it the crisp cool smell of the lake that mixed well with the overall woodsy scent. My feet took me to the rocky shore before I realized what I was doing. The water was beautiful and clear and I followed along the water’s edge onto a rock that overlooked the deeper part of the lake.

I leaned over to stare into the clean blue water below. I was amazed that I could see the bottom so clearly. I knew I couldn’t touch the rocky bottom, but it felt like I easily could with how pristine the water was. Bright colorful fish swam between clusters of vivid green kelp and hidden rock crevices. I sat down to continue my staring while I ate a meal of some jerky and an apple. I tossed down bits of my apple to watch the fish swarm over the piece. When people spoke of the forest, I would’ve never imagined a place like this existed.

I was almost angry that everyone spoke of such horrors, when something this beautiful and serene existed. I began to question if there were such things as creatures or monsters living in these woods when the hairs on my neck stood on end. Someone was watching me. I tried to casually scan the tree line around me, but I couldn’t find the source. I cursed myself for letting my guard down so easily, but I remained calm. I reasoned that it might have been a curious animal watching me.

That idea was shattered when a deep male voice ripped through the silence, “How is this possible?”

I jumped to my feet at how close the man sounded, but I was unable to find him. I looked all around me and kept my eyes trained on the unmoving tree line.

“Who’s there?” I asked with a waver in my tone.

“I should be asking who you are. You’re the one intruding here.” The man was still nowhere to be seen, but he was very close to me.

I gripped onto the straps of my bag to provide some sort of comfort to me. “You’re right. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

A soft chuckle seemed to come from right over my shoulder. I whipped around, but was met with no one again. But, there was no way someone could’ve been behind me though. Because there’s nothing but the lake behind me. A crippling fear was threatening to take over me at realizing that this person might not be human at all, but a creature of the forest.

“You’re very jumpy for someone that’s trespassing on my home.” He had a light teasing tone in his voice that irritated me. He was toying with me.

“Well, maybe you can introduce yourself, and I wouldn’t be so nervous.” I spat back even though I was in no position to be so hostile.

The sound of gushing water was right next to me, and I nearly fell back in shock at the sight of something emerging from the depths of the lake. I almost couldn’t believe what I was looking at. The creature laying casually before me was a man, yet nothing like a human at all.

He had wet black hair that went to his shoulders and covered some of his face. The color of his hair reminded me of a raven’s feather with how the sun seemed to make his hair glossy with hints of purple emerging through. Protruding from his hair on either side of his head, he had coal black fins that faded to a deep dark purple. The fins were webbed with small sharp spikes on the end. I could make out a trail of matching ebony spikes and fins that covered his spine. The fins would fan out on occasion to reveal how wide they were. At least as big as my hand stretched out from my thumb to my pinkie finger.

His eyes were a dark violet that was consumed in a sea of onyx. They seemed to glow and flicker as if related to his thoughts. Dark circles hung under his eyes that added to his void-like appearance. His face was well defined and regarded me as if waiting for me to do or say something. Eager, almost. His overall complexion was a dark navy grey that reminded me of a troubling storm cloud. He seemed to be paler than normal though, and he looked like he hadn’t eaten in some time. I noticed a damp smell coming from him that wasn’t entirely unsavory.

He had lean arms that were still fairly muscular despite his starving state, and he had sharp claws for nails. I noticed webbing between each of his long clawed fingers that were covered in onyx scales. He had fins on each of his forearms that were a dark purple, nearly black. They moved seemingly on their own and would fan out the same way as the fins on his back and face. Bright crimson slits with fine filament protruding out were on his ribs. I assumed these were gills since they reminded me of fish gills. In fact, onyx scales lined most of his body in various places on his arms, chest, and face.

The most disturbing part was his legs, or lack of legs. Instead of legs, he had a tail that reminded me of a lengthy slender fish or snake. This tail was longer than any set of legs and appeared stronger too. I was sure if I had been in the water, he could’ve easily dragged me to the bottom with little to no effort. There were various fins that protruded out from his otherwise smooth looking tail and his tail ended in a wide fan that seemed feathery and light. Like a torn silk dress floating in the wind.

His tail, although terrifying in its implications, was breathtaking under the sun. His scales were a shade of black that I’ve never seen before. Like the night sky was placed upon him with dark purples and blacks. Hints of wine red could be seen at just the right angle, but overall he was like a being of darkness. He was beautiful in all the wrong ways. He was unnatural and I realized that I needed to get far away from this thing as fast as possible.

I jumped away from him and planned on sprinting all the way back to the village when he called out, “Don’t go!”

I froze in place, which I wasn’t sure why. This creature was exactly what everyone warned of. But, I didn’t keep running. Instead, I turned around to face the thing from the lake. His brows were raised in surprise, but he seemed relieved when I stood in place.

“What are you?” I blurted out before he could speak. I bit my lip at how scared I sounded, but he gave me an amused smile that revealed sharp teeth lurking behind his friendly smile.

“I think you meant, ‘Who are you?’, but I suppose manners aren’t really your strong suit.” He said in an accent that I couldn't place.

“Well, they didn’t exactly explain how to act around… well,” I motioned over his stretched out fishy body, “you.”

“That’s a shame. I'm actually quite wonderful to talk to. Or, so I've been told.” The wavy fins at the end of his tail idly flicked in the air like a cat’s tail. “I’m a mer, by the way.”

“A mer?” I took in his features again then continued, “That’s… that makes sense.” I frowned as I tried to gain some sort of clear thought in my head. “I’ve read about your kind in books. I didn’t think you lived in lakes though.”

His bitter laugh was unexpected, yet pleasant to my ears. Even though he seemed anguished by my comment, he did his best to hide it with an easy grin. “What can I say, I’m not like other mer. One of a kind really.”

“Is that a good thing?” I wondered out loud.

He grimaced and avoided my gaze by looking out into the woods behind me. “What’s your name?” His tone was cold, but still curious. I thought about the implications in giving him my actual name, but I couldn’t find a good reason as to why I shouldn’t.

“Evelyn. People just call me Evie though.” I bit my lip then asked, “What’s yours?”

“Oh, now you want to know.” He shifted back to his friendly demeanor in a flash. I found it somewhat unnerving. “It’s Niloros. People just call me Nil.” He held out his dripping clawed hand for me to take. I stared at it with a mixture of hesitance and suspicion. He could easily yank me into the lake then I wouldn't stand a chance against him.

“This is the part where you shake my hand.” He teased.

I looked away from him due to my cheeks growing hot. “I know. I just… Why are you being so friendly? Not that I don’t like it, it’s just…,” I sighed while finally looking back at him. He was watching me with a sad expression as if he understood all too well why I was wary.

“You’re worried I might eat you. Rip you limb from limb and make a necklace from your teeth.” He exhaled while he lowered his hand.

“I am now.” I mumbled under my breath. “But, kinda. I’ve never met anything like you before. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.” I realized.

He gave me a soft smile. “Yet, you’re still here. And not running back where you came from.”

My brows furrowed and I found it easier to stare at my feet than into his deep onyx eyes that seemed to be reading me far better than I would’ve liked. “You’re nothing like I imagined.” I admitted.

His head craned to the side for a moment. “And what did you imagine?” He asked.

I laughed a bit to myself. “That you’d be a ‘scary’ monster.”

He had a somber look that he didn’t conceal. “Maybe I am.”

I was surprised he would say such a thing. Was he admitting that he was indeed a monster to be feared? Was I about to become his dinner? A note from the book I read mentioned something about merfolk travelling in groups. I scanned around for another one of his kind laying in wait to ambush me, but I didn’t notice anything out of place.

He laughed at my shock which made me more flustered.

“You’re funny, ‘people call me Evie’.” He smirked then added, “Why are you out here when you believe there are ‘scary’ monsters in these woods?”

A voice in the back of my head was telling me I shouldn’t tell him. Yet, I couldn’t find a reason to not trust him. He seemed to be genuine, for the most part. I also didn’t get the sense that he wanted to cause me harm. No, he was curious. About as curious as I was.

I patted the leather bag on my back. “I’m the new messenger for the village.”

His brow raised. “Messenger? I haven’t heard about a messenger from that village in some time.”

“You know about the village?” I inquired.

He nodded. “Yes. Mostly everyone here has.” He hummed in thought. “We don’t see many leave the village though.”

“That’s because we get banished if we do.” I informed him in a hushed voice.

“But not messengers.” He realized. “Interesting that such a harsh law is in place.”

“It’s for our protection.” I defended.

“Right. From the monsters.” He seemed far away for a moment then asked, “Who decreed that you weren’t allowed into the forest, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I thought you would know that. Since you know about the village.” I countered.

He let out an easy laugh with a slight eye roll. “Darling, if I knew, I wouldn’t’ve asked.”

Darling. The way it rolled off his tongue was natural. Familiar. I felt a warmth in my stomach from the simple word. I had to pull myself from the feeling to answer his question.

“Our leader. Mistress Talia.” I said.

His lips formed into a thin line that bordered on disgust at the mention of Talia. He looked up at the blue sky then back down at me. “You still have a long way to go, messenger. You should leave before you’re here at night.”

“You know Talia?” I asked. He didn’t answer, but instead jumped back into the lake. I ran towards the rock’s edge and saw him staring up at me from the surface of the water.

“You should go, Evie. It’s not safe at night.” Before he could dive under the water I shouted,

“Wait!”

He stopped his descent and waited for me to speak. The words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat for a moment. I mustered up the courage to ask,

“Can I see you again?”

His black brows rose for a moment before nodding with a slight smile. “I would like that.” His voice was soft and gentle.

He dove under the water before I could say anything further, and I watched him swim away with such speed and grace, I was envious. I stared out at the waveless lake for a few more moments before finally heading back to the marker.

Seeing the soft glowing marker was reassuring, and made me question if the whole encounter with Nil was real or not. I had questions invading my mind, and consumed my thoughts as I got to the next three markers. I was ripped from my daydreaming when I came in front of a miniature green hut attached to the top of a pole that came up to my shoulders. The pole had similar engravings as the markers leading me here. I kept a note to myself to ask someone about these engravings, and what they could possibly mean.

I figured this must have been the drop-off and opened the wide door of the hut. It was deeper than I initially thought and I placed all the letters and boxes into the opening. I closed the door and started the trek back to the village. I thought about swinging by the lake again to talk with Nil, but the sun was setting quicker than I would have liked. I would only have maybe an hour of light left by my estimations. I felt resolved in returning to the lake as soon as I could, but for now I had to worry about getting back safely.

The sounds of the forest were soothing and I tried my best to memorize details on my way back to ensure a faster journey next time. There were hardly any boulders, so they made good points of reference anytime I saw them. Soon, I was back at the first marker with little trouble. The prickling sensation I got at the lake returned when I turned towards the village.

I scanned around me for eyes, and I felt like I was back at the lake for a moment.

“Who’s there? Come out!” I shouted into the dense trees. My voice didn’t carry very far, and I felt a bit silly yelling at the trees. The feeling of being watched didn’t go away though. I grimaced at the likelihood that I would die when I was so close to returning home.

I kept walking then said, “I’m not here to cause trouble. I’m just the messenger.”

Still no reply or anyone emerging from the shadows. I didn’t change my pace, but I was definitely more on edge. The two hours back to the village was excruciatingly long compare to this morning. The feeling of being watched never left me, and it took every fiber of my being not to start running. When I saw the houses poking through the trees, I lost all restraint and began sprinting towards the village. When I burst through the treeline, I whipped around to see if anything was following. Much to my relief, the feeling of being watched faded away and I hurried towards the post office without hesitation.

As I walked up to the village, people froze in shock at seeing me. A cry rang out before people swooped around me.

“I can’t believe it! We thought you were a goner!” They all seemed to be saying at once. Everyone was whispering, shouting, and cheering at my arrival. I shoved my way past the crowd to get to Griffith, who was waiting for me at the entrance of the post office.

“I knew you could do it.” He beamed at me while taking the bag. “No troubles?” He wondered.

“None.” I admitted, despite the stalker towards the end. I couldn't let him know that though. I couldn't let anyone know about what I experienced in the woods today. Not if I wanted to continue going out there. And I wasn't ready to stop when I had only just gotten a taste.

Griffith let out a joyous laugh while bringing me into a tight bear hug. “My girl, you might just make it yet.”

“When do I have to go back?” I asked a bit too eagerly.

“What? You want to go back! You shouldn’t push your luck!” He gasped.

“Maybe. But I still wanna go.” I insisted.

He stared at me in confused horror before shaking his head. “If all goes well, we should get a delivery at the drop-off for us that will need to be retrieved. But, that won’t be until the end of the week.”

I nodded in understanding. I wished it was sooner, but perhaps it was best to wait. I needed to sort through what I experienced today anyways. “Alright. See you at the end of the week.”

I shoved my way through the crowd and dismissed all their questions with a light laugh. Most people left me alone after they realized I wasn't giving them any information. I wasn’t in the mood to answer their questions, or celebrate. I had too many thoughts and questions that were burning away at me. By the time I reached my cabin, I was alone once more. I stood in front of the wooden structure once more. I couldn't stop the bittersweet feeling from this morning reminding me that I could've died today. Instead, I got to see my dingy home once more.

I shut the door behind me and laid against the cool oak door. The one question that was still in my mind that trumped all the others, were about Nil. Nil… he knew things. And I wanted to know exactly what.

-------------------------------------------------

Click Here for Part 2

[vxlkyrie]

letters to you

pairing: spencer reid x reader

genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers!au

warning: cursing, mentions of alcohol

word count: 7.0k

summary: uh oh, spencer wasn’t supposed to see those

a/n: maeve didn’t die nor have a stalker and we stan her and anderson in this household. also i broke my own heart writing this :) enjoy! (also i hate that some of the text isn’t italicized on mobile i want to cry)

“hey y/n, whatchu writing in your diary?” derek smirked as walked through the office.

“none of your business. and it’s not a diary, it’s a journal.” you rolled your eyes as you continued writing.

“and what do you write in your so-called journal?”

“whatever i want. usually thoughts i have when i’m finished with a case.” you shrugged.

“so basically a diary,” he laughed, leaning on your desk. “can i see what you’ve been writing?” he tried to lean over your notebook. your eyes widened.

“no!” you shouted as you slammed your notebook shut, making derek jump up a little. “s-sorry morgan. it’s just that it’s very personal.”

“don’t worry about it. i understand.” he smiled at you, kissing your forehead before going back to his desk.

it’s true that you use your journal to write down your feelings. you weren’t that open on talking about your feelings, so you took an unused notebook and filled up the pages with your rants, whether it was about stressing over a case or having to deal with your bitchy landlord. but you also use that journal to write down your feelings towards a certain boy genius (who actually suggested that you should write down your thoughts in a journal).

you weren’t sure when you started seeing spencer, your best friend, in a different light. maybe it was when he would bring you coffee and a muffin practically everyday. maybe it was when you started to find his fact dumps endearing. maybe it’s when he would cuddle you when you two would have movie nights together.

whatever the exact moment was that made you fall in love with him, you weren’t ready to tell him about your feelings. so, shortly after starting your notebook, you started writing down “love letters” that were addressed to him. you found yourself writing out confessions, moments where you found spencer being adorable, even dates you would have if you two were together (all the cheesy stuff).

dear spencer,

i love you – as more than just a friend.

yes, you are my best friend. you are always there for me when i need someone to get me energized when i didn’t get enough sleep the night before. you are always there for me when i need to tell someone about a shitty date. you are always there for me when i just need a hug after finishing a week-long case. and before i knew it, i found myself falling in love with you.

i wish that i can just tell you how i feel in person, but you know that i’m not that good with expressing my feelings verbally, so i decided to write them down instead. even then, this page isn’t enough to explain what i love about you and how much i love you.

love, y/n

dear spencer,

there are so many times where i just find you cute.

your eyes lighting up after you found out that doctor who is being renewed for another season. your smile after everyone complimented your new haircut. even your little dance after i bought you half a dozen of your favorite donuts.

i could go on forever and list every moment i have found you adorable. my heart starts beating faster just by the sight of seeing you be happy. i know you’ve been through a lot, and you deserve happiness. i hope that someday i can give you that.

love, y/n

dear spencer,

i might not be the most romantic person, but i can’t help but daydream about the cute and cheesy dates we would have.

we could go to the aquarium and you can tell me everything you know about every creature we see. we could visit the art museum and we could point out the small details in each piece. we could even go to the smithsonian!

but we could also go on small cafe dates. maybe go to the bookstore and you could recommend me your favorites (i’ve been trying to read more). we could even just have a night in and have dinner and cuddle while we watch true crime shows and point out their mistakes and make our own profiles.

now that i think about, being with you would be the same as we are now, just with handholding and kissing.

love, y/n

did writing them down help with your feelings? yes.

were you ever going to send him those letters? absolutely fucking not.

“hey y/n!” a voice called. you looked up to see spencer smiling at you from his desk.

“hey spence, what’s up?”

“i’m almost done with my paperwork, wanna grab dinner after? i’m buying.” he asked. your eyes lit up.

“yeah, sure!” you smiled back.

“great! just give me like 15 more minutes.” he said. you nodded, finishing the last file before handing it in to hotch.

-

“oh my god, this food is amazing!” you exclaimed, taking a bite of your dish as spencer chuckled at you. “have some.” you gestured at your food. spencer smiled at you as he grabbed a fork full and placed it in his mouth.

“wow, that is delicious.” he nodded in approval.

“i know right!” you smiled.

“anyways, there’s something i wanted to tell you, y/n.” spencer said. your eyes immediately widened.

does he like me and he’s finally going to confess?

does he know that i like him and he’s trying to let me down easily?

or is it something completely unrelated?

your heart raced as millions of scenarios that could possibly happen at this moment played in your head.

“of course. you know you can tell me anything.” you reassured, grinning at him.

“i know,” he grinned back. “you know that one girl, maeve?”

“that geneticist you’ve been talking to for your migraines? yeah, what about her?” you raised an eyebrow.

“i finally had the guts to ask her out – and she said yes!” he smiled.

oh.

you felt your heart shatter into a million pieces. you wanted to just get up and run and never talk to him again, but you couldn’t. you knew that he deserved to be happy – even if it wasn’t with you.

“you didn’t tell me you like her!” you happily exclaimed, putting on a facade.

“i’m sorry! we were so caught up with work and i didn’t even know if her and i would even work out. and if morgan ever found out, he wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.” spencer rambled on.

“is that why you’ve been acting weird and leaving at the most random times?” you raised a teasing eyebrow at him.

“so if our unsub killed our victims here, here, and here,” spencer said as he dotted the map on the board with a marker. “then he could live anywhere around here” he finished as he draw a circle that connected the dots.

“do you think he would live in the middle?” you asked. 

before he could answer, spencer’s phone suddenly started ringing, causing the tall man to reach into his pocket to check who was calling. you peeked over to see a random number display across his screen.

“excuse me.” he said as he quickly left the room.

that’s weird. he never answers calls if it’s not from anyone on the team.

“what’s that about?” emily asked. you shrugged in response.

a few minutes later, spencer returned to the room with a big smile on his face.

“who called?” you asked him. spencer had a panicked look on his face shortly before he switched to a more calm manner.

“oh, my mom.” he lied, which no one seemed to notice.

“yeah,” he shyly nodded. “i’ve been calling her for the past few weeks.”

“that’s great spence! i’m so happy for you!” you smiled widely.

“thank you, y/n. it really means a lot coming from you.” he said, gently grabbing your hand.

please don’t do that. please don’t break my heart into even more pieces.

you slowly pulled your hand away from him, earning a slightly confused expression from spencer.

“so, tell me more about maeve.” you said, making sure he can’t read through you.

“well...”

spencer continued talking as you silently listened and ate the rest of your food (although your appetite has been ruined), talking about maeve’s incredible work in her field and her favorite books. you tried your best to keep your happiest expression on as you hear your best friend (and crush) gush over someone else.

wow, she’s perfect for him.

“she sounds amazing, spence.” you tried your best to smile at him.

as soon as you got back to your place, you finally let the tears flow out of your eyes , sliding down your front door. your body trembled as loud sobs left your mouth, even the hand that was placed over it couldn’t muffle the sounds of your cries and breaking heart.

when you find yourself calming down, you walked into your room and changed into your pajamas as you tried to catch your breath. you unpacked your work bag at your desk. as soon as you took out your journal, you immediately turned to the pages that contained your unsent confessions.

of course he doesn’t like you, stupid. he never did.

you ripped the letters from the spine of your notebook and threw them onto your desk. ignoring the mess you just created, you walked to your bed to get some shut-eye as you let more tears run down your face.

-

you couldn’t let yourself be sad anymore. you had to walk back into work the next day with a smile on your face, making sure none of your coworkers could tell that you were breaking. you let yourself get distracted with cases and paperwork, and even continued talking to spencer like you normally would (because he would definitely notice something was up if you had suddenly stopped). over the next few weeks, you find yourself actually befriending maeve.

“hey spence!” an unfamiliar, yet honey-like voiced called out, causing everyone to turn away from their work. you looked up to see a woman with dark auburn hair carrying a brown paper bag as she walked towards spencer’s desk.

wow, she’s really pretty.

“hey, maeve.” he smiled, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“spencer, how come you didn’t tell us you had a girlfriend?” derek smirked at him.

“we just started dating. everyone, this is maeve.” spencer introduced to the team. everyone said their quick hello’s while you got up from your seat and walked up to the couple.

“so you’re the girl my best friend has been talking to,” you genuinely smiled at her. “hi, i’m y/n.” you said, offering your hand to her.

“it’s nice to meet you! i’ve heard so much about you!” she smiled back at you as she reached out to shake your hand. you raised your eyebrows in surprise.

fuck, and she’s really nice too.

sometimes, maeve would come visit the bau and eat lunch with you and spencer.

“on my way here, i saw that this one clothing store was having a sale.” maeve said as she took a bite out of her lunch.

“oh i saw that!” you exclaimed. “i heard that they were closing, so they decided to have a huge sale. it’s sad to see them go.”

“we should stop by sometime! i think i saw a really cute dress that i wanted to try out.” maeve suggested to you.

honestly, you didn’t feel like a third wheel. it actually feels good to be getting along with spencer’s girlfriend.

“that sounds like fun.” spencer chirped.

“shhh, babe, the girls are talking,” maeve joked as he pouted, causing you to laugh. “i’m kidding! you can come along if you want.” she grabbed his hand as he gave her literal heart eyes.

you felt your heart sting a little.

you would talk to maeve when spencer would bring her over to a family dinner at rossi’s.

“he did what now?” maeve’s jaw dropped in excitement as you told her a story about her boyfriend.

“y/n, don’t tell her, please.” spencer pleaded.

“no, y/n, tell me.” maeve encouraged.

“yeah, y/n, tell her.” derek joined in, placing his head on his hand as he leaned in to listen.

“fine,” you sighed. “spencer wanted to show me how great he is at nunchucks. it was going pretty well, until he accidentally hit his...well, his man parts.” you explained. maeve bursted out laughing along with the others.

“hey!” spencer pouted as he nudged your shoulder with his.

“i’m sorry, it was funny.” you giggled as he ruffled your hair.

“well, now i know what to not get you for your birthday.” maeve smiled. spencer laughed, giving her a kiss on the lips.

you tried your best to not grimace.

you even invited her for a girls’ night out with the rest of the bau ladies.

“thank you for inviting me!” maeve said, giving you a hug.

“oh it’s nothing. you’re dating spencer, so that means you’re a part of our family now.” emily grinned at her.

“and you look amazing. i see that you’re wearing that dress you bought when we went shopping together.” you added.

“you’ve noticed! and thank you for convincing me to buy it, i love it so much.” maeve smiled.

“we’re back with drinks!” penelope yelled as she and jj walked back with a tray full of alcohol. “oh my god, maeve, you’re here!” she smiled at her.

“i am.” maeve laughed.

“oh my god, i forgot to get you a drink! i’m so sorry, i didn’t know what to get you.” penelope practically cried.

“that’s fine, i can go grab something real quick.” maeve stood up from her seat.

“i’ll come with you. i’ll pay for the drink!” penelope said as she followed her back to the bar.

you, emily, and jj took a sip of your drinks.

“so, y/n,” emily started, causing you to turn your head towards her in confusion. “are you okay with all of this?”

“all of what?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“maeve and spencer dating.” she answered. your eyes slightly widened.

“yeah, i’m okay with it. why wouldn’t i be okay with it?”

“because we know you’re in love with spencer.” jj said. you almost choke on your drink.

“i’m not!” you immediately denied. “he’s my best friend.”

“y/n, you might not be that open with your feelings, but we can tell that you like spencer and that him dating someone else is hurting you.” jj explained, putting a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

“and we might’ve read your journal.” emily muttered. you sighed.

“yes, i do like him, but i can’t do anything about it. he looks so happy lately and maeve is such a sweet girl. they’re perfect for each other and i don’t want to ruin that for them.” you shrugged as the girls looked at you with sympathy.

“okay, we’re back!” penelope yelled, causing you three to put on a happy mask. “let’s get this party started!” she added as the rest of you cheered and danced the night away.

despite the random times your heart would hurt after seeing spencer and maeve showing affection, you were genuinely happy for him.

“hey y/n,” spencer called out to you from his desk, causing you to look up from your files. “why are you still single?” he asked bluntly, causing an eavesdropping derek to spit out his coffee.

“first of all, ouch,” you sarcastically scoffed. “second of all, i just haven’t had time nor found the right guy.”

and that i’m madly in love with you.

you ignore emily and jj raising their eyebrows at you.

“well, i can set you up with someone i know.” spencer grinned.

“spence, you don’t have to do that-”

“yes i do! you’re my best friend and an amazing person and i want to see you happy.” he explained. you were definitely ignoring emily’s and jj’s eyes practically popping out of their heads.

right. best friend.

“besides, we have the weekend off. you can go on a double date with me and maeve at the foreign film festival!” spencer beamed.

“oh, i don’t want to be a bother.”

“you won’t be! and i think you’ll like this guy.” he said with confidence.

me liking a guy who isn’t you? i don’t know about that.

“please y/n.” spencer begged. after a few moments, you sighed.

“fine, i’ll go.” you agreed in surrender.

“great! i’ll text you the details later.”

maybe this blind date will actually go pretty well and i’ll finally get over spencer.

-

you arrived to the park that the festival was being held at, carrying a picnic blanket as you sported a cute midi dress.

“y/n!” a familiar voice called out to you. you turned to see spencer waving to you with one arm as the other was wrapped around maeve’s waist. you noticed another familiar figure standing next to them.

“hey guys!” you smiled as you quickly walked up to them, giving spencer a hug.

“you look amazing!” maeve complimented you, bringing you in for a quick hug as well.

“thank you, you too!” you grinned at her. you turned to the third person, giving him a friendly smile.

“y/n, this is-”

“agent anderson.” you smirked at him, surprised that spencer had set you up with a coworker.

“please, call me grant. you look beautiful.” he smiled at you.

“thanks, you’re not so bad yourself.” you smiled back.

grant wasn’t a horrible guy. you’ve had small talk with the guy before, and you were actually shocked to see that he shared a few similar interests as you. and you weren’t going to lie, he was quite the looker.

“we still have another half hour until the screening starts. let’s walk around and check out the vendors.” spencer announced, grabbing maeve’s hand as they walked away.

that definitely did not hurt. and you are on a date right now, y/n.

“see you later, lovebirds!” she shouted, causing you two to laugh.

“let’s go, shall we?” grant offered his arm to you. you grinned as you wrapped your arm around it.

as you two walked around, you found yourself having a good time while talking to grant. you both talked about where you’re from, what made you want to go into criminal justice, and even teased each other for the snack choices you both bought for the films.

“i’m telling you, sour patch watermelon is better.” you argued as grant laid down the picnic blanket next to spencer and maeve (who were already cuddled up next to each other).

“at least you get different flavors with sour patch kids.” grant raised an eyebrow at you. you huffed as you took your spot next to him, popping another piece of candy in your mouth.

“aw look, they’re already having their first fight, how cute.” spencer teased, earning a popcorn thrown to the head by you.

soon, the first movie projected onto the big screen, the noises dying down as it started. grant wrapped his arm around you (after asking you politely, which you accepted) as you watched the movie with ease, seeing that you knew the language it was playing in.

“hey, y/n?” grant whispered.

“yeah?” you raised your eyebrows as your eyes were glued onto the screen.

“funny thing, actually. see, i don’t know really know what they’re saying,” he gave a nervous chuckle quietly. you looked at him with confusion. “i thought they were going to have subtitles.” he confessed as you tried to suppress a laugh.

“don’t worry, i got you,” you gave him a small smile. “so far, the guy and the girl are from rich families and their parents are making them marry in the next month.” you explained.

“oh,” he nodded. “wait, what’s happening now?” he looked at the screen with interest.

“that guy over there,” you pointed out the weird-looking man. “is trying to make sure the marriage doesn’t happen. he said he’s gonna seduce the girl and marry her and take her money and kill her.”

“not with that mustache.” grant joked, causing you to chuckle.

you kept translating for grant, trying to keep quiet as he kept making funny remarks. you were having a great time with him, until you heard giggles from your left.

you turn your head to see maeve smiling as spencer’s lips were centimeters away from her ear  (assuming that he was translating the movie for her too) as his arm wrapped securely around her shoulders. you couldn’t help but feel you heart breaking again.

“you okay, y/n?” grant whispered closely to you. you slightly jumped, snapping your head towards him.

“yeah, i’m fine.” you faked a smile.

you both continued translating and joking around as you ignored the pain in your chest. after a couple more hours, the film finished with a happy ending, causing you to tear up (and grant to wipe them away with the sleeves of his sweater).

“that was such a good movie.” spencer said as the four of you walked to your cars.

“i know! i started crying!” you said, earning laughs from everyone.

“y/n, you cry at everything though.” spencer teased.

“i do! it’s a talent of mine.” you quipped, raising an eyebrow at him as grant laughed.

“well, this is us,” maeve said as she and spencer stood by her car. “we’ll see you two later!” she bid goodbye as you hugged her and spencer.

“see ya!” you waved goodbye as they got in the car.

“may i walk you to your car?” grant offered.

“sure!” you accepted as you led the way. a comfort silence fell between you two as you walked under the moonlight.

“you’re in love with him, aren’t you?” grant broke the silence. you stopped in your tracks.

“what?” you furrowed your brows.

“spencer. you like him.”

“what? no,” you shook your head as you continued walking. “he’s my best friend.”

“i don’t need to be a profiler to notice the way you look at him,” he shyly put his hands in his pockets. “and i’m guessing you let him set you up on a blind date so you could get over him.”

“i’m sorry grant,” you sighed. “you’re a great guy, really. and i had a lot of fun tonight.” you sulked.

“y/n, it’s totally fine. you can’t control who you love,” he patted you shoulder in comfort. “i think you should tell him how you feel.” he suggested. you looked at him like he was crazy.

“that sounds like a horrible idea, grant,” you laughed. “as you can see, he’s in a happy relationship.” you said as you arrived to your car, leaning on your door.

“i’m serious! you really should.”

“and why would i do that?” you crossed your arms.

“first, spencer looks at you the way you look at him. second, you should hear the way he talks about you.” grant explained.

“no way. he’s just being a good friend and he’s known me for a long time.”

“when he was talking to me about setting us up, he talked about you as if you had put all of the stars in the sky – he was blushing and even stuttering! trust me y/n, i know. tell him before you lose him for good.” he rambled. you sighed, not wanting to get your hopes up.

“i don’t believe you for one bit,” you both laughed. “and besides, i don’t want to ruin spencer’s happiness.”

“you both deserve to be happy,” he smiled at you. you lazily smiled back at him. “listen, i gotta go. thank you for tonight, y/n, it was nice getting to know you more. even though this date didn’t go as planned, it was nice to make a new friend.”

“thank you grant.” you pulled him in for a warm and comforting hug.

-

you scrolled through netflix as you tried to decide on a series to binge-watch with spencer.

spencer: hey y/n, can i come over and hang out with you?

y/n: sure, why?

spencer: maeve’s caught up with work.

y/n: oh, is she okay with that?

spencer: yeah! she knows we’re just friends.

yeah. just friends.

spencer: wanna watch something? i’ll let you pick.

y/n: sure!

spencer: great! i’ll see you in a bit. :)

yay. great.

you finished putting down bowls of your favorite snacks on the coffee table when you heard a knock. you rushed over to open your door to see your best friend smiling at you.

“hey, come in! i hope you like watching new girl again.” you opened your door wider, letting spencer walk in, he immediately jumped onto your couch. you laughed as you sat next to him, pressing the play button on your remote.

“so, how was the date? what do you think of grant?” spencer asked as the show played in the background.

“it was fun! he’s a cool guy.” you answered.

“that’s great! did you guys kiss? when’s the wedding?” he joked.

“hold your horses, bud,” you rolled your eyes at him. “we did not kiss and there will be no wedding. we actually decided to be just friends.”

“what?!” spencer’s eyes widened. “why?! you two looked so good together.” he pouted.

“i know you worked hard to get us together, and i appreciate you for doing that, but it’s for the best. now can we get back to new girl?” you asked. spencer nodded as you two glued your eyes to the tv.

after a season had finished, spencer looked to you, only to see you knocked out. he shook his head in amusement as he stood up and walked to your room to find you a blanket. before he could grab your blanket, your desk caught his eyes.

“what a mess,” spencer muttered to himself as he tried to organize the files that sat on top of a pile of paper. he moved a few folders and started to organize the papers until he started reading them. “what are these?”

dear spencer,

you are the sweetest person i know. you always bring me my coffee order (i would ask you how you remember my order, but then i realized you have eidetic memory) along with my favorite muffin. even when i have already gotten my order, you still show up with two coffee cups and a paper bag and give me my half. 

to be honest, i feel bad that you’re always spending on me, even if it’s just coffee and muffins and you always tell me that it’s nothing. but i appreciate that you’re always thinking of me – and that’s one of the many reasons why i have fallen for you.

love, y/n

“fallen for me?”

dear spencer,

i wonder how many facts go through your head at a time. i also wonder what kind of books you’ve read to have come across those facts. and with the amount of facts that your brain has obtained, i wonder how fast it takes for your brain to bring up a fact that relates to whatever we’re talking about.

despite the random times you started rambling about a topic and someone from the team stops you, i started to find them fascinating. they’ve interested me enough to the point where i started to do some research on my own whenever you brought up a random fact. your fact dumps are cute – you’re cute.

love, y/n

“y/n thinks i’m cute?”

dear spencer,

oh boy, the things you do to me. i know you’re my best friend, but there are times where it just feels like we could be so much more. remember when we were hanging out at my place and we were watching star wars for the hundredth time? we were having a great time, until you wrapped your arms around me and started cuddling me while we finished the rest of the movies.

i got scared, but i didn’t stop you. i let you hold me in your arms and even wrapped my arms around your torso and leaned on you, hoping that you didn’t notice my heart beating louder and faster than usual. i shouldn’t be feeling this way for my best friend, but goddamnit spencer i’m in love with you.

love, y/n.

“she’s in love with me?”

“s-spence?” a voice called out to him. spencer turned his head to see you with a terrified look on your face. “what are you doing with those?”

“i- are these love letters? to me?” he asked. you visibly gulped.

“those were from a long time ago.” you tried to explain as you felt your eyes starting to sting.

“why didn’t you tell me?” spencer sounded like he was about to break. you deeply inhaled before speaking.

“i was scared of ruining our friendship and obviously you don’t see me that way. there was no point in telling you since you’re with maeve now. i meant to throw those away, but i guess i forgot.” you lowered your head. spencer sighed as he tried to take everything in.

“y/n-”

“can you leave?” you asked slowly. “i think we both need some time to be alone right now.”

“but we need to talk this ou-”

“spencer, please.” you looked up at him with tears that were ready to fall. he understood and walked out. as soon as you heard your door close, you fell onto your bed, hugging your legs to your chest, sobbing until you let darkness consume you.

-

after a few days of taking some time off, you were called in for a local case. the moment you sat at your desk, you could feel spencer’s eyes on you. ever since that night, you haven’t returned any of his calls or messages as you tried to recover yourself from getting your heart broken. and now that you’re back, everybody could feel the awkward tension between you two. you tried to ignore it, putting your focus on the case. 

luckily, hotch could tell what was going on and decided to pair you off with emily for the day. the case you were working on wasn’t as severe as the others you have worked on, so as soon as the team delivered the profile, you went out to lunch with grant.

“and then i asked him to leave.” you finished explaining the incident to him.

“i’m sorry that happened.”

“it’s not your fault. my dumb ass forgot to throw away those stupid letters and now spencer and i can’t even look at each other.” you sighed as you continued to eat your lunch.

“don’t say that. it was better that he found out sooner or else your feelings would’ve eaten you up the longer you kept them in.” grant raised his eyebrows at you.

“you’re right. i just miss him. i miss seeing him and talking to him and i messed it all up. god, even after a few days off, i’m still not over him.” you lazily poked your food.

“the wound is still fresh. no one expects you to be alright right away. but it does help if you talk to him.” he suggested.

“what is there to talk about? spencer doesn’t like me and he’s happy with maeve – end of story.”

“yeah about that,” grant nervously chuckled. “spencer broke up with her.”

“what?” your eyes widened. “why? they were so good together. i didn’t want him to break up with her because of me. now i feel bad.” you frowned.

“he didn’t tell me exactly why they broke up, but i’m guessing it has to do with how he feels about you.” he shrugged.

“about me? yeah, sure.” you roll your eyes in amusement.

“you’ll never know unless you talk to him.”

“how do you always know what to say?” you grinned at your friend.

“it’s part of the charm.” he said, earning a laugh from you.

you soon returned to work to wrap up the case. hours later, it ended with a quick arrest with no one else getting hurt. you relaxed into your desk chair as you started on paperwork.

hours later, you found yourself being one of the only people left in the office (along with spencer sitting at his desk and hotch in his office).

“are you sure you don’t want to come get drinks with us? paperwork can wait until tomorrow.” emily offered as she, jj, derek, and penelope were ready to hit the town.

“as much as i would love to, i think i’m just gonna stay in tonight after i’m done. thank you though, and have fun for me!” you smiled at them, giving them quick hugs before returning back to work.

after a couple more hours, you finished the last of your paperwork, bringing your pile up to hotch’s office.

“here’s that paperwork i’ve finished. i also finished morgan’s pile,” you said, placing the files on his desk. “is there anymore that you want me to do?”

“no, you’ve done a lot today. get some rest.”

“okay, thank you.” you smiled at him.

“thank you again, y/n, have a good night.” he said, not even making eye contact.

“thanks, you too.”

“oh, and y/n?” hotch quickly said, lifting his head up. “talk to reid.” he simply said. you softly exhale.

“yes sir.” you nodded, giving your boss a small smile.

you quickly returned to your desk, looking up to see that spencer had already left. you slump your shoulders in defeat.

maybe i’ll talk to him tomorrow.

you opened your drawer to grab a few items and placed them in your bag. you checked the drawer again to make sure you didn’t miss anything, until you noticed some things that weren’t there before.

envelopes? what are those doing there?

you picked them up to see your name and a number written in an eerily familiar handwriting on one side. you carefully opened the envelope that said ‘y/n (1).’

dear y/n,

you’ve always intrigued me. not gonna lie, when i first met you, i was intimidated by you. you carried yourself with such confidence and ambition, i instantly thought that we were opposites – that you would be annoyed by me. but then i got to know you. you greeted me with a big smile, and i honestly felt my knees wobbling.

you are the sweetest girl. you’re so understanding and you always make everyone’s happiness your number one priority (although i do think it’s not a bad thing to be selfish sometimes). you’ve done so much for everyone, especially the team, both inside and outside of work.

when i found out you had a secret love for superheroes and science fiction, we became closer. i told you everything and whenever i felt down, you were the first person i went to, and you did the same to me. i am so grateful to have you by my side. i know you aren’t one to open up a lot, but i’m happy to be that one person you let break down your walls sometimes.

love, spencer

you started choking on air as your heart started picking up the pace. you picked up the second letter, opening it a little faster than the first one. you took a deep breath before you started reading the longer letter.

dear y/n,

for someone who has eidetic memory, i can’t pinpoint the exact moment where i realized i was starting to have feelings for you. there are so many moments where i see you as more than just my best friend, it’s honestly the little things you do that just gives me butterflies in my stomach.

like your first christmas with the team when you gave me several pairs of star trek socks. you told me you felt bad for not getting me something more expensive, but i love them. i’ve worn those socks more than any other pair i own. there was another time where you sent my mother a gift basket just because you thought she was feeling down. i didn’t know you sent her one until she called me out of the blue, wanting to thank you for cheering her up – i honestly didn’t even know you two regularly talked to each other. i don’t really talk to anyone about my mom until i met you, and it really means a lot to me seeing you check up on her when i wasn’t able to.

but what made my heart flutter the most is when you came over to jj’s and helped watch henry with me. i can usually take care of that little rascal without trouble, but i guess one night he decided to eat a bunch of candy and run around the house. you basically teleported (which is not scientifically possible, yet) and managed to catch henry and help him settle down. i couldn’t help but admire you with loving eyes as you made henry laugh while you tucked him into bed. you’re really great with kids and would make an amazing mother someday.

this letter was longer than usual and i got a little carried away. i just wanted to tell you that you are a wonderful person who deserves the world.

love, spencer

you felt a tug at your heartstrings as you smiled from ear to ear. you looked at the last envelope, feeling a little bit scared to open it. nonetheless, you ripped the top open, taking in another deep breath before reading.

dear y/n,

i really am an idiot, aren’t i? ever since the night i found your letters, i felt like the biggest jerk in the world. i broke your heart many times without even noticing, and seeing you cry that night made me feel like absolute shit. i hate that i’m reason you’re hurting and i would give everything up just to make you happy again.

after thinking things through, i broke up with maeve that same night. i love her and she will always have a place in my heart, but she isn’t you. and before you start to think that it’s your fault, it’s definitely not. i made the decision to end things with her, and don’t worry, she’s okay and she actually understands. i’m 100% sure of my decision.

i’ve never met anyone like you. you’ve been in my thoughts and dreams for the longest time. when i fell for you, i fell hard. i didn’t even think you would see me as more than just a best friend, and i am such an idiot for thinking that i can replace you. you deserve true love and happiness and i hope you find that someone that gives you their all – even if it isn’t me.

love, spencer.

you wiped the tears off your face as you read the last sentence.

“holy shit.” you managed to breathe out. 

you quickly got up and grabbed your bag and car keys and sprinted to the elevator. you bounced your leg as you anxiously waited for the elevator to reach the parking garage.

run to your car. speed to spencer’s apartment without getting pulled over. slam on his door until he answers it – i’ll kick it down if i have to.

as soon as the doors open, you started running to your car. as you got closer, you spotted a tall figure leaning on your car, stopping in your tracks and almost dropping your keys.

“spencer?” you said, causing him to jump up a little.

“hey y/n.” he scrambled, trying to get himself together.

“you waited for me?” you stated the obvious. spencer nodded, giving you a nervous smile.

“seeing that you were still up there for a while, i’m guessing you read the letters.” he lightly scratched the back of his neck.

“oh, i had one more case to file,” you started to joke. “what letters?” you raised an eyebrow. spencer’s eyes widened.

“well, this is awkward. i guess i’ll get going-” he started to walk away.

“i’m just kidding!” you exclaimed, gently grabbing his wrist. “i did read them.” you said quietly.

“oh.” spencer cooed.

“look, i didn’t mean to put you in that situation. i really was happy for you two and i know you said it’s not my fault you broke up with her, but i can’t help but feel guilty. i’m sorry.” you felt tears building up again.

“please, don’t be,” spencer grabbed your hands. “yes i liked maeve. she’s a great person and all, but what i felt for her was nothing compared to what i feel for you.” he confessed. you felt your heart racing.

“really?”

“yes,” he chuckled. “and if you don’t feel the same anymore, i’m totally fine just being your best friend. i’d rather have you in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. and i know you deserve someone who makes you happy and won’t break your heart and-”

before spencer could finish, you placed your hands behind his neck and pulled him in for a sweet, yet passionate kiss. you felt him smile as he held your face in his hands, deepening the kiss. soon, you both pull back to catch your breaths, and you found yourself looking at him as if he held the entire universe in his eyes. you gently placed a hand on his cheek.

“i want you.” you lazily smiled at him.

“can i ask you something?” spencer raised his eyebrows.

“anything.”

“did you throw away those letters?” he asked. you thought about his question, realizing that you never really did touch those letters ever since he found them.

“actually, i didn’t. why?” you looked at him with confusion. spencer suddenly started smiling mischievously. he snatched your car keys out of your hand and ran to the driver’s side.

“we’re going back to your place and i’m reading every single letter you wrote me!” he laughed.

“spencer, no!”

[nikxation]

A Close Encounter

Summary:

All Stan knows is that, if you see huge red eyes staring at you from the brush, look away, turn around, and run as fast if you can, assuming it’s not already too late.

So, when he finds himself face to face with a creature easily three times his size with glowing red eyes, he realizes he may be in one of those “too late” kinds of situations.

Notes:

Written for @buggy-mars for the 2020 Secret Santa exchange! You wanted mullet Stan angst, so here ya go! Hope you enjoy! And Happy Holidays!

Find it here on AO3.

Beware of glowing red eyes in the woods.

It’s one of the first things Stan learns when he starts making his presence more known around the small town of Gravity Falls, though he learns it mostly through indirect means (because while Ford had been here for over a decade, Stan has barely been here a month, and asking questions might draw a certain amount of suspicion and scrutiny that he can’t afford).

Most people would call it eavesdropping, but he likes to think of it as “directed listening” instead.

It’s hushed, frightened whispers in the back booth of the diner between two buff-looking guys holding steaming cups of coffee in shaking hands.

It’s the short exchange of words between two woodsmen as they pass each other in the street, one warning the other away from a certain area of the forest for the day.

It’s a woman sending her kids to go play and warning them to be careful even as they roll their eyes and run off, young and invincible against the dangers of the world.

Of all the things he’s heard, the red eyes seem to be the thing that everyone, without exception, knows to steer clear of at all costs.

Something about visions of nightmares or poisonous quills or just pure, unadulterated terror, he’s not sure. They don’t talk about it in as many words, circling the topic like two boxers in the ring, sizing one another up, neither willing to make the first move, to say the wrong thing, to admit too much. They dance around it, never getting close enough to give him any solid answers before jumping to another subject altogether.

All he knows is that, if you see huge red eyes staring at you from the brush, look away, turn around, and run as fast if you can, assuming it’s not already too late.

So, when he finds himself face to face with a creature easily three times his size with glowing red eyes, he realizes he may be in one of those “too late” kinds of situations.

~ ~ ~

The sleet is coming down hard as Stan trudges through the melting snow, shovel in one hand and worn map in the other as he aims towards another area of the woods that he hasn’t already scribbled out in pencil. The sun is finding its way down towards the treeline, which means he doesn’t have a lot of time today before it gets too dark to be able to effectively hunt for the other journals. Plus, he has more tours to prep for tomorrow, so he’ll have to make sure he leaves himself enough time to get everything set up again for that. But he plans to take advantage of whatever dying rays of sunlight he can.

He feels dirty, zipped up tight in one of Ford’s jackets that fits him a little too tight in the arms, one he found in some back closet when he finally started going through the man’s things. But there’s only so much he can do in a worn-out hoodie in this weather, and he has more important things to worry about than how wrong it feels to be wearing his missing (not dead) brother’s clothes.

At least his hair is keeping his neck warm, so this god-awful hairstyle is finally good for something other than looking terrible.

He looks down at the map again, glancing back up to see if he can find some kind of marker he should have left for himself to know where he left off, whether it be a slash in some tree bark or a pile of rocks in the snow. Based on the map, he should be getting close to something, but at this rate, the trees are starting to thin out as he makes his way into more rocky and mountainous terrain, so he can’t quite remember what he should be looking for.

A glance back down at the map, and he realizes that the sleet has begun to smear the ink and graphite on the page. He curses under his breath, shoves it into his pocket, and looks around frantically, spotting a shadow in a rocky face that might just be a cave that he can duck into for a moment, long enough to get out of the wet cold for a moment and reorient himself to his surroundings.

He was right in assuming it was a cave, finding himself in a small dark cavern that doesn’t seem to go more than a few yards deep and a few feet above his head. He doesn’t bother getting out his flashlight to check that assumption; at the mouth of the cave, he gets enough light to see what he needs to see, and he needs to save as much battery power as he can.

He also doesn’t plan to stay long.

It’s quiet save for the pitter-patter of the sleet on the hard ground and the sound of his own breathing echoing around the rock walls.

The map is a bit soggy when he pulls it back out, and he tries his best to hold it as gently as possible to stop it from ripping or falling apart on him. He knows he could get back to the house from here without it, but it’s his only record of his search, and he’d hate to have to start from scratch. Which is why when one of the corners flops down and tears itself, he curses again, this time a bit more forcefully as he tries to hold the paper back together, willing it to not get any worse.

It’s at that exact moment that something behind him shifts, the sound of scratching on the rock followed by a low, animalistic growl that makes the hairs on his neck stand completely upright, his whole body going rigid.

The possibility occurs to him that maybe the cave was deeper than he thought it was, or that maybe, just maybe, there was something big in the way stopping him from seeing all the way back.

It also occurs to him that maybe it wasn’t his own breathing that he had been hearing.

His whole body is frozen stiff as he waits to see what happens next, too afraid to turn around, too afraid to make a run for it, trapped in place like a deer in headlights.

He hears the thing stand, claws scraping against the stone ground as it does, footsteps heavy as it slowly moves forward, closer to him.

He should run. He should really run. Running would be a very good idea.

There must be a disconnect somewhere in his brain because no matter how hard he begs his legs to run, they stand frozen in place, trapping him in the mouth of this cave as whatever is behind him lumbers closer and closer with each breath.

And then it stops, everything falling deathly silent again, and he can all but feel the thing standing behind him, and everything in him is screaming to get the hell out of there right now, but he still can’t move.

Stan doesn’t know how long he stands there waiting, probably only a handful of seconds if he had to guess, even if it feels like an eternity. He swallows slowly, his heart slamming in his chest, in his ears, as he finally gains enough control of himself to turn, ever so slowly to see what exactly he’s dealing with here.

Two red eyes look down on him from scarcely a few feet away, and that’s all his brain can register outside of “big” and “huge teeth” and “run goddamnit run!”. But he still can’t move, and the thing lets out another low growl, this one much more pointed than the last, a clear warning. But his bones are somewhere between Jell-o and stone right now, his throat tight like he’s trying not to breathe even though the thing is looking right at him and it’s too late you should have run when you had the chance—

Its eyes flash, the sudden shift from burning red to bright yellow jolting him like a bucket of cold water to the face, and he has no idea what to make of it, and he’s still stuck in place right in front of this thing that’s making no moves towards him, his eyes locked on it like he’s waiting to see a reaction from it, waiting for it to make the first move.

And then, the yellow fades, the eyes returning to that same unnatural red, and he gets the vague feeling that something happened, he’s just not sure what, as the thing takes a small step back from him and just… stares.

It’s something of a stand-off, and he gets the impression that, whatever it just tried with the little glowing eyes trick didn’t quite work the way it expected. That this thing that could kill him with one lazy swipe of its arm (leg? Hand? Paw? What the heck even is this thing?) has yet to make an aggressive move against him for whatever reason and has done nothing but stare at him, and he has no idea what to do with that.

And this, whatever this is, feels fundamentally different than even a few seconds ago. And he’s not sure how that even makes sense given that he’s dealing with some hulking creature and not anything remotely human or rational. And yet, he swears the thing went from trying to intimidate him to… studying him? Like it’s reassessing how to handle him?

He must be losing his damn mind.

The thing regards him for another excruciatingly long moment before breathing out what sounds suspiciously like a hmph and then taking a step towards him. He braces, arms coming up, his legs still unhelpfully locked into place as he expects the attack to finally come. And the thing pauses, its hackles momentarily raising and a quiet growl rumbling in its throat for barely a second before it settles, pushes past him and…

Leaves.

It just… leaves.

In the dying sunlight and falling sleet, Stan gets his first full glimpse of the massive creature as it climbs free of the cave and stretches back out, easily towering over the cave entrance by many feet. Its whole body is covered in course hair that almost resembles quills, mushrooms of some sort growing from its back and shoulders. It stands up on its two hind feet (its claws are almost as long as his arm holy shit), seems to finish stretching itself out, drops back to all fours, and then dashes off into the woods and disappears into the darkness.

It takes him a minute to fully process what happened, for the adrenaline coursing through him to finally die out and the weight of the fear and relief to settle in. It’s enough to make his legs finally give out from under him as he sinks to the hard stone floor, the reality of how close he was to death worming its way into his bones like an old forgotten friend.

And yet…

A strained laugh breaks free from his throat, the sound oddly choked as he leans back against the rock wall behind him, his chest aching something fierce.

He knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he just had an encounter with the creature the entire town is afraid of, and he made it out unscathed. He’s sure of it, in the same way that he’s sure his brother is alive somewhere, an unquestionable kind of feeling deep in his bones that’s the only real thing he has any faith in anymore. He knows that, somehow, he got lucky, and that thing let him be for whatever reason. He doesn’t know why or how, or what the yellow glowing eyes thing was or why it seemed to not really care about him after that (then it took a step back, so was it afraid of him? No that’s not possible, why would it be afraid of him?).

He sits there a while, lost in his own head, wondering what exactly he’s missing, why the entire town is afraid of something that ultimately decided to leave him alone. Wondering whether it was luck or something else entirely.

He doesn’t have an answer.

He’ll probably never have one, if he’s being honest with himself.

It’s well after dark by the time he musters enough energy to stumble back to the empty house that isn’t his, peel off the soggy coat that doesn’t fit him right, climb into his makeshift bed on the couch, and fall into a restless sleep to the sound of the heavy tapping of sleet on the windowpane.

[bbbqlays]

다섯: 강한 감정

5: Strong Feelings

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

It was a new day, and after your encounter yesterday with the man in charge, you were sort of on edge with everything.

“Hey there Eri. I heard you got new books to read.” Your hand reached to a box, opening it you found picture books along with fantasy chapter books. “Do you have a preference for any of these?”

She picked out the most colorful picture book. “You want to read the Paper Dragon?”

You picked up the book and looked at the cover. It was very colorful. She smiled widely, reaching out for the book with awe. “Okay!” You chuckled playfully sitting on her bed, she followed behind and brushed up against you.

You began reading, trying your best to make it entertaining, you even got one of the guards to laugh, a golden blonde haired man. You’ve never seen him until now, his eyes were a boost in mood, and you could tell he was smiling at certain moments.

The book was finished and Eri was way more excited about books, she jumped up but only fell on top of you as she laughed loudly.

“Ms, L/n, could you read another?”

“Why dont we do something better?”

Eri’s eyes lit up, wondering what could be better than a book. You stood up and went up to another box, you looked through to find one pair of child scissors and a bunch of colorful paper. You pulled out stacks and stacks and put them on the ground.

You waved eri over and pulled out a stack of papers. They were orgami papers with various colors. “We can make a paper dragon and hang it up on the ceiling” eri’s eyes brightened at the suggestion. “Oragami is one of the best things they teach you in school. Only because you can create anything out of paper by just folding.”

You divided the colors as quickly as you could before guiding eri through a talk. “Choose the colors and 12 pieces of paper.” She started picking out the colors, mostly being blues and purples, and everyone watched as she chose.

“Okay, and then now we are going to take the first piece.” You grabbed a random sheet of paper and sat on the ground across from her. You started to fold the paper and looked at eri to see if she followed. “And fold it... like that.” She did as she was told and smiled cheerfully while doing it.

Continuing, you explained and showed her every step. She followed delightfully. And the end result came to be two dragons long and proud. “And so now choose a color.” You offered the marker case and she randomly chose. It was purple. You picked out a black marker and picked up your dragon. “Draw a face.” You drew two little dots to signify eyes and a smile.

She did the same but instead had the tongue stick out. You both chuckled as you stood up, stretching. You looked at the clock on the side of her bed and sighed. “Looks like I need to go.” You groan and she followed with a sigh.

“Eri, I will be back tomorrow to hopefully do another fun activity. Maybe we’ll draw tomorrow.” Eri ran up and hugged, tightly gripping on your pants. She let go, but her stare seemed extra saddened. “See you tomorrow. Eat well.”

She nodded to that and you were escorted out. The man guiding you out had long golden hair. His mask fit snugly on his face, his green shirt adorned with a pinkish red tie.

You breathed softly as he guided you back to your room. “Does anyone ever talk?”

He looked at you, as if to smile. “Yeah, but usually to each other. Not really to the head.”

“The head... oh you mean Overhaul right?” He nodded in agreement. “What’s your name?”

“If you need to know, I’m Setsuno Toya.” He said it as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He was glad about the short lived conversation.

“Well, thank you Setsuno. Hopefully we can talk again.” He unlocked the doors with a bow, and you bowed again.

When entering you ripped off the mask and dropped it on your desk looking at the warm food displayed on the corner. It looked to be an American dish, specifically pizza. Toppings were placed on the side of the plate mostly meats.

You nodded to yourself and dug in, loving the warmth of the food. You closed your eyes enjoying the savory taste. It was a simple dish, and it tasted homemade. You wondered who made it and where, since you hadn’t smelled anyones cooking while with Eri.

You finished up, and looked around the desk, clothes laid out on the top and a new mask. You rolled your eyes feeling like a doll with all these clothes.

You rummaged through though, curious as to what they were. It was a blue short skirt, with black shorts, and a white button up blouse to match. It was as if it was made for a summer evening, or a date.

The thought made you chuckle as you threw them on the bed. To think you had a secret admirer was funny to also think about. The world built itself on soulmates, why would anyone play around with that.

The thought then hit you. “Fate... wouldn’t put me here right?” And you couldn’t play around with the thought of that because you couldn’t physically touch anyone.

Everyone had protection and you feel like you’d be killed if you were to touch someone. You tried to laugh the thought away but it lingered, and it scared you.

The clothes fit perfectly. Of course, and you felt good in it despite the earlier thoughts. You honestly thought you looked good in blue.

You enjoyed twirling around in it not being bothered to hear the door click open. You stopped twirling to feel good about yourself only to be met with the man in white.

Your face matched a shade of tomato as you went to try and hide yourself. You bowed to him apologizing silently. He simply bowed to you as well verbally apologizing for disrupting.

“I just came to get you for the meeting.”

You cleared your throat as you nodded. You grabbed the mask on the desk and threw it on still blushing embarrassingly. You walked out with him trying your best to slow your heart rate.

“Chrono right?” He nodded. “You’re like his right hand man, correct?”

“Yes, despite his demeanor he’s actually good.”

“I wasn’t doubting him, I was just going to ask... Why all this?”

Chrono looked at you not understanding the question. “Why this whole base? It seems eerie and too much.”

“Overhaul.” Chrono paused and thought about what to say. “He want’s to change the world. He wants an old image to come back.” Chrono nodded to his statement and continue guiding.

“So, it’s to better society... Correct?”

He nodded and that seemed to lift a burden from you somehow.

Chrono slowly opened the door and to welcome you was the same masked face you had seen last night. This time his tie was loosely around his neck, and he seemed more stressed than anything.

“Welcome Back!” Overhaul greeted you with open arms as he watched you sit. “Hopefully today wasn’t too overbearing.”

“No, of course not. Me and Eri simply read and did origami. Which I thank you for getting supplies for that.”

“So, I see you guys are getting along.” He adjusts his tie and looks off into the distance. “Do you have any other requests?”

Your eyes darted to his face immediately wondering what context. “To take care of Eri.” You were shaky now. Your head wanted to explode as you thought of other things to request that wasn’t for the benefit of Eri.

“Just supplies to draw with.” He nodded and looked at you pleasingly.

“And do you need anything? Specific things you had in your living quarters that you need here.”

You pondered. “If possible. A small library.” Your request seemed to peek his interest, and he simply chuckled.

“Very well.” His hand issued you away, and Chrono guided you out.

“Chrono. How can you tell when Overhaul likes someone?” It was a bold statement and you felt as if he wouldn’t answer properly.

“Don’t worry. He likes you just fine.” He gave you a genuine answer, making you think.

“Now, get some rest. And leave a note of all your favorite breakfast items under the door. Our ‘chef’ wants to make your stay here interesting and home-y.” He left with a nod.

You smiled, not a big smile, because what was there to smile about. You turned on the small lamp light on your desk and scanned your room feeling something off.

Flowers were on your nightstand. Not the ones from before but new ones. White roses. They filled the whole room with a beautiful scent.

You rushed to find another note under the vase, your hands feeling the hand writing. Beautiful cursive saying

‘You’re like a beautiful dove amongst a trash filled park. You stand out like a sore thumb. You please me without knowing it, and for that I keep you near.’

You couldn’t help but shiver as you read it. A smile wider than usual filled itself along your face.

“Beautiful.”

Someone is playing with the strings of fate, and falling for you evidently. You held the note close to your heart laughing loudly as you thought of who it could be.

Your heart fluttered as you thought of the man in white. He seemed to have more personality in this place than anyone else, and he’s seen you the most.

You giggle at the thought, and the thought of not even seeing his face filled you with mysterious happiness.

It was like being in grade school again...

Hey hey! Its Lay. I am sad to inform you that I am sick. I have covid and so it’s hard to get things done while sick. So sorry if uploads are delayed, and or not posted weekly. I’m trying my best, and hopefully you guys support me all the way through.

And if you want content from me everyday, I have a tiktok. I try my best to post everyday, but if you like overhaul here, you’ll definitely like overhaul over there! Thank you so much for reading and hopefully you stay healthy!

TAG LIST (OPEN)

@inanabsentia @wormxunii @lalachanya @cth-l @a-monsters-love @irisallenm @awkward-confused

[whumpingcrow]

Ink Poisoning - Chapter 11

The Art of the Crash

CW: bbu and everything in relation to that, drugs/alcohol (explicit), noncon drug use, aftermath of drug use, vomit mention, food mention, discussion of noncon, dubcon kissing, conditioned/trained responses from whumpee, brief mention of suicide (vague), dehumanizing language/themes (let me know if I missed anything!)

Gio slept well into the afternoon the next day. Nicko let him, he knew from experience with Rory that there was an inevitable crash that followed the highs, and he'd spent quite a few days ignoring her sleeping body on his bed, usually it ended in her getting up only to vomit and then cry to Nicko about how shitty life was. So this time, with Gio, he waited in the bedroom with him until that happened. He finished the painting he'd started the night before. He had to refrain himself from waking Gio up to see it. Then he sat on the floor and sketched more, using Gio's face pressed against his dark pillow case and the dull light of sun through snow clouds dancing across his face as inspiration. He didn't draw the bruises or the hickeys, found himself strangely jealous over them both. He kept the tattoos, because those belonged to him, and Giovanni's adorable crooked tooth, and his messy, wavy hair that splayed out across the pillow and his face. Nicko couldn't wait for him to wake up so he could draw him with bed head.

When Gio finally woke up, it wasn't to throw up or to complain about the nightmare of his life crumbling around him, not that Nicko would've blamed him, but to the sound of some music that Nicko had put on quietly to help him focus, deciding to work on some long put off art assignments. Nicko didn't notice that he woke up, and Gio rubbed his eyes just a little and glanced over Nicko's shoulder to see the bright array of colors across his page, dark marker scribbling purposefully against the paper. He was enthralled for a moment, then he turned his focus up to the large canvas he'd caught a darkened glimpse of last night, and he gasped sharply.

Nicko swiveled around to look at him, eyes blown wide like seeing Gio conscious was jarring. It made him wonder how long he'd been out. "Oh. You're awake."

Gio glanced at him for a second, then turned his attention back to the painting. The painting of him, sleeping in bed, lost in a world of blankets. He pushed himself up to his elbows with a wince. "Is...is that me?" He whispered.

Nicko looked back at the painting in question, smiling bashfully to himself. "Uh, yeah. Yeah you were just...you look nice in my bed." He fought the blush creeping up his cheeks, the embarrassment was uncomfortably new. He didn't know why he was embarrassed, just that suddenly he was the one who couldn't make eye contact with Gio. The switch in dynamic was painfully tangible to both of them, with Nicko on the ground, cheeks rosy and face turned away, and Gio sitting on the bed, looking down at him. With a yawn, Gio pushed the blankets off of him and stood up.

Nicko watched him closely, surprised that he hadn't hurled already. Then, as if on queue, he closed his eyes and swayed forward, bringing his hands up to his head with a groan. Before he can tip over, Nicko is up on his feet next to him, placing strong hands on his shoulders to hold him steady. "Are you ok?"

Gio dropped his hands, blinking a few times before squinting up at Nicko. "Dizzy." He looked a little dazed, his face pale, and Nicko crouched down on the floor, gently pulling him down with him. Gio easily knelt, body soft and easily movable, as always. Once Gio was all the way on the floor, hunched over just a little to make himself smaller, as if he wasn't already pathetically tiny already, Nicko ran his hand up his neck, across his jaw.

"I'm gonna go make you something to eat. Ok? You wait right here."

Gio nodded eagerly, towards Nicko's hand, his huge vacant doe eyes gazing up at him through his curtain of hair. Nicko had been right, his curly hair was framing his head in a dark halo, and he had a sudden sense of urgency to get some food in him so he could draw him. Nicko smiled at him, patting his head softly as he stood straight.

Salem was in the kitchen when Nicko came out, and they both froze awkwardly in their places when they saw each other. Nicko nodded at him as he passed, opening the fridge and grabbing a bowl of fruit and a protein shake, then deciding last minute to also palm a bottle of water. When Nicko shut the fridge, Salem was standing a couple feet away watching him.

"He woke up?" Salem asked.

"Yeah. I think he's ok, just hungry." Nicko hesitated, they both looked at each other, then away, then Nicko sighed. "You wanna come? I think he'd like to see you."

Salem lit up just a little, straightening his posture and smiling to himself. "Sure."

When the door opened, Gio flinched upright from where he'd been leaning over just a little, looking at Nicko's sketchbook, at the cartoonish portrait of a woman he had been drawing. He turned to see Nicko standing in the doorway, Salem a couple steps behind him. Gio couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

They both came in and joined him on the floor. Nicko opened the bowl of fruit and set it in front of Gio, but he wasn't paying much attention, watching Nicko's face apprehensively. He knew from observing that Salem and Nicko weren't particularly fond of each other, he'd heard them fighting before, and he was a little worried to show any attention to Salem in case it came across as disloyal. He couldn't afford anymore mistakes, when it came to Nicko.

Nicko sensed it, and opened the water bottle and forced it into Gio's hand as he said, "Salem was waiting for you to wake up like a kid on Christmas. He missed you."

Salem laughed awkwardly, shifting where he sat. "Yeah. It sucked not having anyone to show my lame music to."

Gio was grinning ear to ear at them both, but he said nothing. Truthfully, he didn't really understand what they were talking about, didn't remember what Christmas or lame meant, but he was happy to have them speaking to him anyway. Salem only stayed for a few minutes, then he told them he had to get to class. When he said goodbye to Gio, he gave him a soft pat on the top of the head, like Nicko kept doing, and Gio smiled up at him as he left. Nicko wondered why Salem wasn't Gio's favorite. He was at least nice.

Once he was gone, Nicko picked up a block of fruit, mango maybe, and gently coaxed it into Gio's mouth since he hadn't eaten any yet. Then he reached for his sketch book and his pencils, moving so he was squared up to Gio, who looked a little nervous when Nicko's pencil started scratching across the paper.

"So you were with Rory, huh?" Nicko asked. He kept his tone light, he knew that Gio was anxious enough around him already, could see his face get a little more horrified every time Nicko's voice was a little too loud, too harsh.

He nodded stiffly, only once, then moved very slowly to eat a strawberry. He knew Nicko was drawing him, he was trying to be as still as he could be. He was too cute.

"And how was that?"

Nicko thought he heard Giovanni huff in disdain at the question, and he looked up to see his face screwed up in a tight frown, like it pained him to think about. Nicko sighed, then kept drawing.

"You can tell me as much or as little as you want, Gio. It's just...you don't look too good. I just want to know how she hurt you so I can help." His pencil froze on the paper when Gio reached up and covered his eyes for a second, then he hastily dropped them back to his lap like he remembered he was supposed to be sitting still.

"She told me she was gonna bring me back," he whispered, voice trembling painfully as he thought back to that day, how stupid he was, "she wouldn't tell me where we were going, but she just kept saying she would bring me back before anyone noticed I was gone."

"Ben called me right after you left, I think."

Gio frowned at him. The entire time he'd been wishing that Ben would come out and stop Rory from taking him, and he had called Nicko right after he left? Why did he wait? Gio bit back his frustrated tears, then continued on.

"We went to this guys house. Oscar." Gio flinched as the name passed his lips, then shook his head to himself. "The entire time we were driving she was drinking and smoking, and so I was too. I tripped at some point and made my nose bleed, so he let us in so Rory could clean me off. Then she was talking about...about buying something. From Oscar."

Nicko knew the name, he'd met him only once before, but he knew that he was huge and even more of an asshole than Nicko was. He was the one Rory always went to for her hard shit, which Nicko hated so he hadn't accompanied her after the first time. He stopped drawing altogether, setting his sketchbook down and moving closer to Gio, who was now shaking all over.

"She didn't have enough money, I guess, and uh...um." He couldn't look at Nicko anymore, turning his head away from him completely. He couldn't bare to see Nicko's face when he admitted to the horrible, unfaithful things he did. Giovanni knew he belonged to Nicko and only Nicko, and he was absolutely disgusted in himself for having allowed Oscar or Rory or the motel owner or any of the others to do what they did to him. "He wanted her t-to pay a different way."

"Oh, shit, Gio."

"Only she didn't want to," he continued, "and she was scared, and I didn't want her to be scared so...so when she asked me to do it instead, I-I did."

Nicko was stunned into silence, eyes instinctively dropping to the mess of hickeys all over Gio's frail neck. It was heartbreaking, thinking of Gio feeling the need to protect Rory like that, especially when he was the one that needed protection. It was even more heartbreaking to think of him under Oscar, who Nicko had no doubt had ripped Gio to shreds with their size difference.

Gio was only more frightened at Nicko's lack of reply. Silence meant anger, silence meant that Master was thinking very hard, something Gio was too stupid to do, and more often than not, silence meant brutal, meticulously planned punishment. So Gio did what he was best at: he started to beg.

"Sir, I'm so sorry, I know I'm yours, I shouldn't have ever let them touch m-me." He looked up at Nicko, then his composure broke and he let out a tiny whimper before crawling over to him. "L-Let me make it up to you, sir. Please, use me, let m-me be good for you. Please le-let me-"

"Gio, stop." Nicko was flustered by Gio crawling right up between his legs, trailing his trembling fingers over Nicko's leg suggestively. But all of it was happening rather quickly, too quickly for Nicko to react well, and Gio was freaking out, for whatever reason, so all he could do was sit still. And what was this "them" that Gio was talking about? Had it not just been Oscar that Rory handed the box boy over to? He wanted to ask, but he couldn't form the words, not when Gio was on his knees inbetween Nicko's legs.

"P-please! Please, sir. Wan-wanna be useful." Now his hand was brushing tentatively at his belt, over his zipper, and then Nicko reached down and snatched his wrist up tightly in his hand before he went any lower. Gio gasped, snapping his head up to look at Nicko. He was closer than either of them had realized, now that they were face to face they were inches apart. Gio's eyes were glazed over with something Nicko hadn't ever seen before, something that made them soft and dulled down more so than usual, but simultaneously had a sad glimmer of tears over it. Nicko had thought the huge, spaced out gaze Gio did at him sometimes was his version of puppy dog eyes, but that paled in comparison to the way he was looking at him now. Nicko would never admit it out loud, but it drove him absolutely crazy, to have someone looking at him with such gentle desperation.

"Stop calling me sir." Nicko instructed after a moment of silence. Gio didn't break his gaze, he only blinked a few times, and then he nodded. "I want you to say my name, when you beg like that. Alright?"

Giovanni melted in Nicko's grip, leaning forward just a little closer. "Nicko..." he breathed, and that was all it took. Nicko dropped his wrist and took his face in both of his hands, drawing a small whimper from him.

"I don't want to take your clothes off or use you, or anything like that." He whispered, closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Gio's. "I just want to...try something. For one second. Ok, Giovanni?"

"Please, Nicko."

Gio held his breath right before Nicko kissed him, focusing on keeping himself still and soft and good for Nicko, but it all went out the window once their lips were actually pressed together. Gio had been burning for this since the first time Nicko had kissed him, but he was too afraid to ask and Gio always seemed to make him regret it anyways, so he didn't think there was much use hoping for it. And here he was, with Nicko holding him close, kissing him, just kissing him, and he was so nervous he was going to mess it up and not be good enough at it to make Nicko want him.

Nicko pulled away from him after only a couple of seconds, he laughed when Gio huffed in obvious displeasure. But he was calmer now, not panicking and calling him "sir" and saying all of those...other...disturbing things. So Nicko was satisfied.

"I seriously think you should eat, darling." He trailed his fingertips over Gio's jaw as he spoke, slowly pulling his hands away. "I'm worried you're gonna blow away if we go outside."

Gio sank back to sit down where he had been, picking up the bowl of fruit again and watching his hands tremble as he picked up another piece of the sweet orange-ish fruit Nicko gave him earlier. He couldn't force himself to put it in his mouth, knew he wouldn't be able to chew and swallow over the huge lump in his throat. Why didn't Nicko want him? Why wasn't Gio good enough for him? Maybe it was arrogant of him to think he was good enough, he should be humble, he should just keep trying harder until he actually was. But truthfully it wasn't hurtful because he thought he felt deserving, it was hurtful because he was scared. He wasn't good enough for his old master, he wasn't good enough for Rory, he wasn't even good enough to keep his old life. And he loved Nicko so, so, painfully much, he had finally found somewhere mostly safe and his master was perfect and if he wasn't good enough again then maybe Rory was right, and he should just give up, find a way out, like she said.

Nicko got a little freaked out at the way he could physically see Gio's crash start, he was a little unnerved to see his posture sink in a little, his throat bobbing up and down as he tried not to cry. He could see his thoughts spiraling, realizing that, damn, life kind of sucks, and it kind of always has and what if always does? By now, Rory would be a blubbering mess.

As if reading Nicko's mind, Gio started to sniffle, trying again to press the fruit to his lips, still unable to bite. If he opened his mouth, he might make a noise, and he just wanted to stop messing up already. But then, Nicko was sitting in front of him, gently grabbing his hand and taking the mango away from him, setting it back in the bowl for him. Then he grabbed Gio and pulled him into his lap, holding him close.

"You're ok, Gio." He told him. "I know, it hurts, I know, but I'm here, I've got you."

Giovanni let out a soft mewl, trying without much strength to squirm out of the comforting arms. He was terrified of the gentleness he so obviously didn't deserve, knew it could easily be used against him later. "I was so soft with you earlier," the warm body would say, "Don't you want me to do that again? I will, if you do this for me."

But this wasn't just a warm body, it wasn't his old Master, it wasn't the couple of guards who would visit his cold, concrete cell late at night long after training was over, it was Nicko. And Nicko didn't even want him in that way. Why didn't Nicko want him that way? "Nicko, please please u-use me. I-"

"Shh, Gio. I don't want to do that to you."

"Why?!" He sobbed out, fingers tightening into tight fists around Nicko's shirt. "Why d-don't you w-wa-want me?!"

Nicko gasped at his outburst, reflexively tightening his grip around him just a little. "Giovanni...I...shit. It's not about what I want, it's just that it would be, uh, different, with you. Like it wouldn't be the same as sex with a regular person cause you're uh...trained for it."

Just like that, the boy grew rigid and stopped shaking, leaning away from Nicko as much as he could. He just had to be reminded of his place, that was all. Nicko didn't want him because Nicko was a person, and Gio wasn't. Maybe Nicko just wanted him as something to practice art on, whether it be with the tattoo gun or painting him on a canvas or sketching him in his little notebook. As much as that hurt Gio, to know that he wasn't human enough for Nicko to want him back, he could live with being useful in that way for him.

"I'm sorry," Gio looked away from Nicko and up at the huge painting of him a few feet away. Nicko had done a wonderful job on it, he made Gio look small and pale and broken, like he was and felt he always would be. But Nicko had also done a good job of showcasing Gio as alone, swimming in an ocean of black fabric, isolated and untouched and useless. Like he was, and felt he always would be. "That was...out of line. I'm sorry."

"Gio, c'mon. Don't... Don't be all sad now. I do like you, I really do. I think you're the cutest thing ever." He reached out and grabbed onto a piece of his hair, twisting it somewhat playfully. "And you're a real good kisser, too. Honestly." Gio looked up at him, and Nicko grinned at him, trying to elicit some sort of positive reaction. Finally, Gio cracked a small, halfhearted smile, dropping his shoulders from how tense he was. "But I don't want to have sex with you cause it...you know, it means something different to us. You understand?"

Gio nodded slowly, forcing himself to take a deep, ragged breath. "Yeah, I understand."

Nicko leaned forward just a little and placed a soft kiss into his hair. "Good boy," he mumbled, "now eat your fruit so I can finish drawing you, yeah?"

The smile on Gio's face was genuine that time around, and he sat a little straighter. "Yes, Nicko." So Gio sat still, he watched Nicko scribble against his paper while glancing up at him every so often, and he ate his fruit. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but that didn't matter, he did it because he was told to, because Nicko wanted him to. Gio had once been told, in training, that as long as his master is happy, he should be to. He was seriously starting to wonder if he was broken, because it was seeming like he couldn't be happy at all, even as Nicko smiled at him over his notebook.

[theroomofreq]

Personality Before Punctuality: Chapter 2

James Potter plays in a band but spends his mornings in the bakery chatting up Lily Evans. Lily spends her week days selling pastries, but on weekends she goes to see James play guitar. 

The second part to my meet cute muggle au! 

Read on AO3

Lily flung open the door to The Hallows, her bag knocked on the door frame as her quick pace carried her into the bakery. 9:07, Okay not terribly late, she could work with that. Her morning walk had little to no distractions and after yesterday she figured she had better be more timely than usual. Lily blew her bangs out of her face as she looked up to find one of the primary bakers, Simon, engaged with a customer.

Yikes, Simon hated customers. Lily increased her pace as she made her way around the counter, her bag dropping un-ceremonially to the floor. She chanced an apologetic look at Simon before turning to the customer in front of her.

“Evans, have you tried this treacle tart?!”

James Potter had a mouthful of tart and a goofy grin that came with his question. 

Lily’s eyes roamed down his figure wondering how she had missed him. The first detail to notice was his hat, Potter had a large black bucket hat that fit snuggly on his head, the strap and buckle pulled tightly across his sharp jaw line. Apparently black was his theme today, as his long-sleeved shirt and trousers match his hat color.

 “Of course, Potter” Lily couldn’t hold back her grin as he shoveled another bite into his mouth “This week is especially good because Simon here made it. He always makes the best pastry crust” Lily placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder and hoped her honest compliment would get her out of being late this morning.

“Flattery will not excuse the tardiness Lily, but it doesn’t stop you from being my favorite” Simon gave her a small smile, which Lily counted as a win. “Wonderful to meet you James” 

“Likewise” Potter replied as Simon walked back into the kitchen. 

 Potter leaned up against the display case crossing his arms as he smirked down toward Lily. “I’m glad I caught you again.”

“At the bakery where I work? Yes, you’re very lucky to find me here.” She couldn’t hold back the sarcasm that dripped out of her mouth.

The way James rolled his eyes had an affectionate feel, “Oh come on, you know what I mean Evans. I didn’t know your schedule at all, this was really all I had.”

“So, what was your plan?” Lily said, her eyebrows quirked up, “Show up here every morning until I finally came in to work?”

James seemed to startle as he stood up from his relaxed position, his eyes went downcast as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well yeah, actually that was the idea…” His eyes turned up at Lily with a bashful look.

The way his eyes locked on her resulted in Lily biting down on her lip as her cheeks flushed. Before she could reply the door chimed as another customer walked into the shop. James began to back away from the register and Lily, as his eyes wandered around the bakery.

“The table to your left has the best chairs” Lily mentioned, hoping that her invitation to stay would come across.

Potter’s eyes lit up as he made his way to where Lily suggested, walking backward toward the table with a lazy gate that had Lily captivated the whole time. Perhaps it was the way he rubbed his hands together or how held her gaze the entire time, regardless Lily loved what an all-black look did for James Potter.  

Regrettably, Lily tore her eyes away from him and back to the latest customer to enter The Hallows.

 ----

As a Wednesday morning, the bakery wasn’t terribly busy, but there was a steady stream of people who came in to buy pastries. She knew most everyone that came in, as she had a good grasp on who the regulars were and what they would buy. Often, she found herself sending glances toward James, who sat alone at his table writing away in a notebook he had pulled from his back pocket. 

She was grateful he had chosen to sit with his back to the front door, he was less likely to be noticed this way, especially because his stag tattoo was facing the wall not the open shop. Well that, and the obvious fact that she had a brilliant view of him as he focused on his writing, rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, or even shot glances at Lily.

There was something about James Potter that made her believe that he did everything at 100%. Maybe it was the way his eyes lit up as he scrawled across the page, never stopping for a moment as rotated his book to add notes or circle a word. It could’ve been the way that she caught him looking at her, his deep eyes latching on to her movements as she did her job. Whenever she caught him staring (which was very often) he didn’t ever look away, his smile just got brighter as he winked or waved in her direction. It might’ve even been the way he kept coming up and buying more sweets.

Yes, it was definitely the sweets. He seemed hell bent on trying every item available at the bakery. The fifth time he sauntered up to the register Lily rolled her eyes, “You’re going to make yourself sick Potter”

“Probably, but I just can’t help myself around sweet things.” James said as he quite obviously looked Lily up and down with a smirk. “Meaning…”

“Potter. I know” Lily interrupted. “I know what you mean. You’ve been gawking at me for hours; you are anything but subtle.”

“You’re one to talk red” James said, propping his elbow up on the counter, “I’ve caught you sending eyes my way many a time as well.” He rested his chin on his hand while winking at Lily. 

“Right. I’m fit, you’re fit. Good to know we are on the same page here. Now get back to your table, my break is in an hour.”

“Anything for you love.”

---

“Do you work at all the rest of the week?” James asked her between bites of bread.

“Tomorrow evening and Sunday” Lily told him.

She ripped off another chunk of bread from the loaf they were sharing. Lily decided to spend her break sitting with James as he reviewed his favorite sweets and asked her about her schedule. 

“Brill, I uh, wanted to ask if you would come to my show on Friday night” The smile he tacked on at the end was hopeful.

“I didn’t know you had a show this week? I haven’t heard anything about it- where are you playing?”

“Oh well, yes, it is a bit of a secret. Sirius’ idea really” He gestured with his hands in an attempt to explain. “Our lead singer, my best mate he’s got a real flair for the dramatic that one. He convinced us to play at one of the places that first gave us a shot. Something about taking care of the little guys and standing up to the man. We are all pretty passionate about it now”

“Yeah, alright I’d love to.”

“Yeah, okay great actually, that’s excellent!” James gave her a megawatt grin. He looked down toward his notebook again and began rapidly flipping through the pages. Finally, he stopped on a page and ripped it out before passing it across the table towards Lily.

The note seemed distinctly James and Lily wasn’t really sure what that meant, she didn’t really even know this man all that well, but the page felt like James Potter. In the middle of the page was a hand drawn logo of a bar, The Hogs Head, with a large arrow that pointed to the time he would be playing. The time was circled multiple times with a small note that said, “Be punctual Evans”.

Across the top of the page was her name, written in a cursive script that was far prettier than she had ever penned her own name in. Lily’s eyes lingered a long time around her name and the drawing right beside it. James had drawn a small portrait of Lily laughing, her nose was scrunched close to her eyes which seemed brighter than usual. It was incredible what he had drawn of her with a simple black marker, the lines on her face and her freckles were expertly drawn, Lily’s breath caught as she looked up at James. He was staring intensely at her through his dark eye lashes, slowly his lips pulled to the side in a very signature smirk that Lily simply couldn’t handle looking at for too long. 

Lily shook her head trying to throw out that smirk, she knew she was in deep trouble when she had to pinch her leg before responding to James, “I didn’t know you were such an artist.”

“Nah, ‘m not. The gorgeous things in life end up drawing themselves” Potter spent a long time searching her flushed face before continuing, “I actually have to run to sound checks now, but trust me, I can’t wait to see you Friday.”

He reached across the table and gave her hand a tight squeeze before standing and walking out the door. Lily watched him go wondering how the way he had touched her so briefly had turned her legs to jelly. 

 ----

“Damn Lils, that Potter bloke won’t even know what a guitar is much less be able to play one once he sees you.”

Lily flashed a smile into the mirror towards her best friend, “You don’t think it’s too much do you?” 

“Absolutely not, we didn’t spend 2 hours trying on outfits for you to start second guessing how hot you are” Marlene let out a low whistle to prove her point.

Lily swatted at her flatmate, it did not take her that long to get ready- but even if it did, it was worth it. She’d decided to wear favorite black crop top which rested just above the smallest sliver of skin before her skirt pulled tightly across her figure hitting just about mid-thigh. Her favorite sheer tights matched her black Doc Martens perfectly and to top it all off she’d left her hair loose, Lily guessed Marlene was right, she was pretty damn hot.

Lily looked in the mirror one last time, she was ready to blow James Potter away.

---

Marlene pushed open the doors to the small venue, the outside made it look small, but it was actually pretty large on the inside. The lights were dimmed, and the crowds filled the room with a low roar, the place had an air of grunge to it. Lily glanced down at her watch, she and Marlene had showed up at the exact time Potter had written down for her, but there was no one on the small make-shift stage.

“Looks like that Potter bloke has you pegged already,” Marlene laughed as she pointed to a sign to the left of the stage.

“The Marauders” the messy scrawl on the sign read, “Tonight at 8”

It was 7:30. Potter must’ve given her an earlier time to make sure she wouldn’t be late. Lily rolled her eyes at her best friend, if James really knew her, he would know she wouldn’t dare to be late to see him. 

When The Marauders walked on stage Lily’s eyes locked on James, she felt a twinge of annoyance as he sauntered out waving at the crowd. It wasn’t entirely fair for someone to be that good looking, his white long sleeve contrasted perfectly with his black bottoms and shoes. As he stepped up to his mic he pushed up the sleeve on his right arm before resting it across the strings of his guitar.

 Honestly, she couldn’t bring herself to look at the rest of the band, the guitarist was just too mesmerizing. Was she obsessed with him? Probably. Was her heart rate going through the roof for reasons other than seeing a really good band? Definitely. Was she going to spend the rest of her night shamelessly staring at James Potter? Absolutely.

 As Lily came to terms with how quickly this man had taken over her thoughts the past few days, James turned around to walk to the back of the stage. The sandy-haired drummer was talking animatedly with the shaggy haired singer, for some reason Lily couldn’t quite remember their names. Potter threw his arm over the singer taking a moment to nod at the flustered drummer before pulling away a now red-faced front man. Potter gave his friend a final shove toward the forward microphone and the set list began.

There’s something about seeing a band play live that is exciting, the energy from the crowd is thrilling, the band going all out while playing, and the way your emotions come in waves. But, seeing a band that you love? Exhilarating. The long lead up before the song begins, singing along to your favorite song, the vibe of hearing a chorus live for the first time, all of it is magic. 

Lily was convinced that none of these feelings held a candle to seeing James Potter play. His entire body thrummed with the music, it wasn’t just his foot keeping pace, but his whole body moving as he played. The guitarist was emotionally involved in every note he played, the way his eyes followed his fingers, and how he strummed the chords perfectly in time. The smirk on his face was absolutely startling when he came in with a powerful riff or ran through a difficult set of chords. Lily decided that watching James perform was enthralling. 

As The Marauders lead singer said their goodbyes Lily finally remembered his name, Sirius Black, it wasn’t that hard to remember now that she wasn’t distracted by Potter’s arse. The moment Sirius waved goodnight, Potter placed his guitar on his stand and jumped off the front of the stage. 

Lily watched him weave through the crowd as he was stopped by many individuals for a photo or signature. Her attention was pulled from Potter as Marlene placed a hand on her arm.  

“Lils, are you okay if I head out now?” Marlene asked the question timidly, “I promised Dorcas I would stop by after the show.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t know you were seeing her again?” Lily was surprised her friend had kept the news from her, she was usually so open about her latest relationships

“It’s new and I don’t know,” Marlene shrugged, “I didn’t want to jinx it or anything.” 

Lily shook her head at her outgoing friend now turned shy at the thought of Dorcas. “Get going then, I’m sure she is waiting for you.” 

“Thanks Lils,” Marlene said as she pulled the redhead in for a hug, “Maybe we will both get a bit lucky tonight.” 

Ahh, there was her friend. Marlene practically ran out the front doors toward her new girlfriend. Lily turned her eyes back to the crowd searching for Potter, before she could locate him someone stepped right in front of her path blocking her view. 

“You’ve created a lot of grief for me Evans.” Sirius Black stood cooly in front of Lily, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked evenly at her. 

“And what would that be Black?” Lily crossed her arms challenging whatever Black was about to go on about. 

“You’ve driven this fool out of his mind the last few days” Black jerked his thumb over his shoulder toward Potter who walked up next to him. “All I’ve heard the last bit is all about Lily Evans, how witty and gorgeous you are. It is enough to turn me completely mental.” Sirius had a smirk on his face, but Potter looked warily at his friend. 

“I’d be happy to foot the bill for any harm my wit and or beauty has caused you.” 

Potter’s jaw dropped at Lily's quip while Sirius threw his arm around his mate and cackled. “I can see why you’ve been tracing her name every night” Sirius said as he used his other hand to pat James’ chest, “See you at home mate.” 

Sirius untangled himself from a now flustered James and turned to Lily, “Evans, it’s been more of a pleasure than you realize.” With a final wink sent to Lily, Sirius walked off into the crowd. 

“Tracing my name?” Lily posed the question while looking toward his left arm, the sleeve still flush with his wrist, whereas the other sleeve was racked up to his elbow. 

“Well, err,” the flush across his face deepened as James pushed up the sleeve to reveal the arm that Lily had signed a number of days ago. The writing was dark and thick, as if she had written it moments ago. 

“I just really liked the mark you left on me, and I didn’t want to lose it. So I, err, I’ve been tracing it over every night, so it stays with me.” He looked up at her with hopeful eyes. 

“Who knew you were such a softie Potter?” 

“Only around you Evans.” He took a step forward and grabbed her hand, “Thank you for coming, did you have a good time?”

“It was incredible! You were incredible!” Lily felt her face light up as she talked about the concert, “That last song was unreal, I loved where you came in at the end!” 

“Thanks, I wrote the song but it was Remus who came up with that section, he’s the musical genius of the four of us.” 

Potter began leading her towards the exit as he continued on about the song. He held tight to her hand as he walked her out the front doors, his other hand gesturing wildly as he explained the underlying tones of Pete’s keyboard and how it meshed with his chords. 

He stopped just outside of the bar before standing directly in front of her, his smile was reaching across his entire face as he took her in. “Evans you look stunning tonight.” His eyes roamed down her legs before returning to her freckled face. 

“Almost as good as my Hallows apron right?” Lily’s voice came out a bit breathier than usual. 

“Just about” 

James reached out toward her, allowing the crimson locks to run through his fingers as he looked intently at her. Lily struggled to swallow as his eyes ran across her face, his hand tucked her hair behind her shoulder before running down her arm. Shivers ran after his hand until he secured it against her own, pulling her a step closer to his body. 

“Listen, Evans, The boys and I always used to go back to the flat and just hang around after we played here. In the spirit of nostalgia we’re going to be doing it again, and I was hoping you’d come along tonight?” The hopeful smirk was back on his face as he looked down at her. 

“Lead the way Potter.” 

Lily let a smile break across her face as James mirrored her emotion, with a tug on her hand he pulled her alongside him into the night.