#lash lifing

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[luxbrowsandlashes]

Eyelash Lift Melbourne - Lux Brows and Lashes

An eyelash lift service in Melbourne is a cosmetic treatment that involves curling and lifting the natural lashes to give them a more defined and lifted appearance. The treatment typically involves the use of a specially formulated solution and a lifting rod to shape the lashes and can last anywhere from 6–8 weeks.

[duckysprouts]

somehow i ended up on horrid henry twitter after years of forgetting it existed and i remembered how messed up his home life is. true british suburban horror

[amndees]

(WIP) missed drawing these guys

[spitblaze]

Just in case you need to hear this today: you're not responsible for keeping your family together. You don’t need to sit there and take abuse even if you're sure that if you didn't your family would 'fall apart'. You don’t have to shoulder all of the burden, you don't have to be the hardest worker, you don't need to sacrifice your life and your independence and your happiness and health in the name of people who are connected to you by blood but will not extend the kindness back to you.

[galaxystt]

being a menace is full time work, time to get some zzzzs.....

[eposiemc]

"You betrayed me last season so I don't love you!"

guys i can't believe the gempearl divorce is real guys LOVE IS DEAD wl!gem is salty and bitter about how everything ended in secret life. how is it possible that none of us even thought about that possibility

[kingzombear]

Lil late Golden Duo for FNAFiversary yaaaay 💛

[s0fthunny]

perfect lashes 🎀

[stinkythehutt]

also. something about palpatine being so adept at seeing into the future that all of his successes feel completely joyless by the time he achieves them because he’s just going through the motions… how fucked up and nihilistic and brutal that would make you…

[evil-cats]

the way this 3 second long clip changed my entire life . I can’t even begin to describe it

[reversatility1]

Warrior Nun: Beatrice’s journey reconciling the mission with her love for Ava was beautiful to behold

[dizzybizz]

some stuff picked out from my tgaa sketch dump :) figuring out some faces,, memes,,, stuff based off of dialogue,,, exactly one sad,, gays,,,

[fisheito]

at last....yakumo with CHIKEN

[aurorangen]

On the weekend, Renee took Robbie out to take his mind off things. He felt more comfortable if Jayleen was there, so Renee came along with Vincent! Visiting the Bloom Garden & Cafe was a nice escape from the busy city and they enjoyed the splendid views! But Renee and Vincent started talking about their jobs; something Robbie didn't want to hear. He tried to block out their voices, but all he heard was their success, making him feel like even more of a failure...

Then he heard enough. He made some snide remarks about their careers targeting Vincent's success and left to get some space. Renee should have known better about Robbie's work situation and went to check on him, "I'm sorry Robbie, we should've stopped." She let him vent his frustrations, listening and offering some big sister advice.

"There's one more thing...I'm a bit embarrassed to say this," Robbie admitted and talked about how he was intimidated by Vincent. "Oh, Robbie," Renee finally understood his perspective.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said all that to you," Robbie apologised to Vincent. "Hey, it's ok. I get what you're going through, I've been there too," he managed a small smile, "You remind me of myself...when I was at the lowest point of my life." Robbie doesn't know much about Vincent or his past: all he thinks about is how he is now and how perfect his life seemed. His train of thought was interrupted by a gentle touch, "If you ever want to talk about it, I'll be here for you."

Lot used: Bloom Garden & Cafe by @rheya28 tysm for this magnificent build ❤️

[statementlou]

Tbh i am not surprised that a person who openly talked about having drinking problems since 1d days, because of how crazy 1d worked has been agressive. What surprises me is people being surprised (they never seriously saw drunk person?). But i am also confused about this whole book. Apparently Maya said that that book is not fully bout Liam but compilation about her exes and some of the worst parts are not about him. But recently she said that the book is “ofc about him” so what is true then? Or did she meant it that ofc some parts are about him or that whole book is about him?

Sorry, just confused

I also am not surprised- we've learned so much more about the real stories of things and about the guys' actual lives over the last years, and the story that has unfolded around Liam has been totally consistent throughout if you've been following it, and so the information Maya is telling us is shocking and upsetting but not difficult to believe. I got an anon yesterday saying they were worried about getting similar revelations about the other boys, like "if Liam could be doing this we just don't know, any of them could", and while in a way that's always true I guess, anyone could be doing anything in private like... that doesn't really concern me. Because none of these Liam revelations are coming out of nowhere, there have been many MANY steps along the way leading us here if you've been watching, and he has talked openly about both his mental health struggles and his addiction issues. So to answer that anon... to find out something similar about Louis would in contrast contradict everything we know about him and no I'm not worried about it. Is he probably very irritating, absolutely, but an abuser or a loose cannon, well that news would shock me. But anyway as for the book I don't find it strange that she was nervous when it came out and treading lightly and later decided, fuck it. In the absolutely on point tiktok she dropped today (YES👏GIRL👏FUCKING TELL THEM👏) she even mentions attempts to keep her from publishing the book, presumably by Liam's team, that I am riveted by and cannot WAIT to hear more details about actually- like I said I don't find it at all strange that she was nervous and downplayed it a bit then. But if she says now that it's just about Liam, well, I would say it's been clear from the beginning that the book is their story. Maya herself brought up the parallel of songs being written about stuff and I think it's the same thing; it's true (she was in an abusive relationship that involved certain kinds of events) but maybe not 100% literal (I'm sure details were changed to make the story work, it's not like a word for word timeline of their interactions or whatever).