#lasgen and the -we’s are best friends

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

The real reason Ingwe, Elwe, and Finwe went to scope out valinor:

A prank they played on Lasgen: Gone Wrong

Lasgen: *absolutely murderous and hunting them down as we speak*

Finwe, Ingwe, and Elwe: *huddled up in a hidden corner, going over their options*

Finwe: suggestions?

Ingwe: i mean running away, obviously

Finwe: that’s where i was going with that-

Elwe: i’m cool with “running away” really

Finwe: and how far should we run away?

Elwe: quite a long way.

Finwe: and how soon?

Inwe: Now?

Finwe and Elwe: Now.

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Elwe, finwe, olwe, and ingwe: *chilling in valinor post 3rd age*

Lasgen: *kicks in the door* i’m sorry, i have to ask-

Lasgen: WHY THE FUCK ARE YA’LLS DESCENDANTS OBSESSED WITH FUCKING EACH OTHER? IS IT SOMETHING IN THE WATER HERE???

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Pre-orome: (cw: sexual humor)

Elwe & Lasgen: *talking*

Finwe: *sneaks up behind them and peaks out from behind a tree* *whispered hiss* hey!

Elwe & Lasgen: ???

Finwe, a little louder: over here!

Elwe & Lasgen: *turn around to face finwe*

Finwe: *butt naked from what they can see from where they’re standing* *tears streaming down his face* *looking like he’s about to cry again* i need help

Elwe:...

Lasgen: what the fuck did you do?

Finwe: uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

——————- 1 explanation later ————————-

Lasgen: *rubbing her temples*

Elwe: so let me get this straight: you were horny-

Finwe: *blushing madly* y-yes

Elwe: and instead of using your hands, or finding a partner, or something-

Elwe: you grabbed a long circular shaped metal and... decided to use it as a make shift p***y.

Finwe: .... yeah.

Lasgen: *world’s longest sigh* but you forgot to account for your d**k growth when you get hard and now the metal’s stuck on your mini-me.

Finwe: please help me, the sharp edges are going to tear it open-

Lasgen: *breaths* Akami-

Elwe: i mean, we’ll have to cut it off. I don’t see any other way. Not with the way the metal’s shaped.

Finwe:

Finwe: *starts sobbing* i don’t wanna loose my d**k. Miriel will never want me with only 1 inch!

Elwe: oh my Okrea.

Lasgen: hhnnnnnn, you hold him, i’ll cut him out. Though it might be better for miriel to do it, since she’s much more precise with the blade-

Finwe: NO PLEASE!! I CAN’T HAVE HER KNOW ABOUT THIS!

Lasgen: why? She already knows of your particular brand of idiocy.

Finwe: *starts crying harder*

Elwe: let’s just get this over with.

———————— almost an hour later ————————

Finwe: *clinging onto and sobbing in Elwe’s lap as Elwe holds him still*

Lasgen: *carefully handling finwe’s d**k and cutting the metal away* i now know you in a way i never wish i did.

Elwe: yeah, let’s not have a repeat of this.

Lasgen: *accidentally poking at the sensative flesh*

Finwe: *yelps loudly*

Lasgen: if you don’t stop moving i will actually remove it permanently.

Finwe: *stifling his whimpers*

Elwe: please just finish quickly.

Lasgen:

Lasgen: never say that again.

Lasgen: *making the final cut* and done. Fucking finally.

Finwe: *extracting himself from elwe’s lap and craddling his d**k* oh my god, i’d thought i’d loose you! *turns to Lasgen and Elwe* thank you so much, i’ll never be able to repay you.

Elwe: don’t mention it.

Finwe: i can-

Lasgen: Seriously. Don’t. Lets all agree to never talk about this ever again.

Finwe: *nodding his head rapidly before running off to get some clothes*

Elwe:

Elwe: *leans towards lasgen* you’re gonna use this as blackmail later on, aren’t you?

Lasgen: only if he pisses me off.