#larian you know NOTHING
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Halsin with a tummy. Halsin with a belly. Halsin with a hairy soft belly. Halsin with a bit of pubic fat. Not ripped Halsin.
(The man is literally a bear that hibernates during winter and has had problems with overeating and over-indulging (and those things rarely go away on its own, so I'm sure it's still in his mentality.) Larian, give him a bigger belly. Give him a BIG belly even. Larian, get rid of those damn abs. They're like a jumpscare to me every time I see them. He's way too ripped. So is Gale. So is Astarion (though there I can HC why he's like that—Cazador forced him to look conventionally attractive to lure more prey. He also wanted a prettier doll to have fun with himself.)
#halsin#bg3#every time I see his muscles I'm ???#dude I'm sure he's good at chopping threes if needed#larian you know NOTHING#I need more body types in the game for sure#where are all non ironically fat characters#why are they always either skinny or ripped#we don't see a single person who even looks average aka doesn't have visible abs!#astarion#gale#baldur's gate 3
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POV: Your evil murder kitten's mask has slipped and you can see how deep she is drowning in fear and paranoia.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#a lot of people forget that minthara has some pretty intense anxiety and PTSD#it truly does bother me that her trauma is often overlooked by the fandom#and many do not see the parallels she has with the other companions (ie Astarion Shadowheart and Lae'zel)#there is no way in hell she did not have some flashbacks in the mind flayer colony#or after seeing Orin as one of the impersonators#one of the biggest Larian L's is not having orin acknowledge minthara if she is in your party (or at all in the game)#minthara will also say nothing mid conversation with orin and only talks about her afterwards#i know that this is larian just not thinking to record or write any dialogue for this#but i've always rationalized it as minthara is just that terrified of orin and is too afraid to speak to her#minthara herself is extremely terrifying and powerful and yet she is terrified of orin#do you have any idea just how badly orin had to have hurt her for minthara of all people to be scared of her?#i also cannot stress this enough: minthara was never a willing participant in anything orin did to her#anything the two may have done together was because minthara was compelled by the tadpole to do#sorry for ranting in the tags - it will happen again
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it really is hilarious how little objective quality has to do with how much I'll love an RPG. larian makes games that are objectively very good, but don't really resonate with me personally when I play them, for whatever reason. bioware makes games of wildly erratic levels of quality that cause my soul to vibrate at pitches heard only by dolphins and god.
#I played through the majority of divinity original sin 2 and you could hold me at gunpoint and I still wouldn't remember much of anything#about what the fuck the story was about. I was on a ship at several points and there was a haunted house.#ifan is hot and the dumbest man who ever lived. that's about it#I played ALL of divinity original sin 1 and it's almost a complete blank. I have no memory of this place. who is this woman tegan#meanwhile I have been through the insane open worlds and bloated crafting systems of da:i and me:a more times than sanity should allow#and you know the real fucked up thing? *whisper* I'll do it again. I'll go back to the hinterlands of my own free will#I'll go shard hunting. I'll play dragon age 2 again and again b/c I'd buy a dlc about all the characters in that going grocery shopping#the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing#I guess they got me early with jade empire and that's all she wrote I imprinted or something#I have a vague feeling I don't vibe with the larian pacing maybe? their games tend to open with a bang and then get interminable for me#(again: clearly this is not about me actually having taste or standards for pacing I've played da:i more than seven times lol#very much a thing about me more than about either of these games)#no matter what I'm so grateful to bg3 for bringing the crpg back tho and I hope the industry follows that up#(granted after recent developments the industry might crash and burn and have a little postapocalypse rebuilding to do#before it becomes truly relevant ahahaaaaa god. god.)
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me reading through larian's community update #20 seeing all the things i wanted like
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#thank you larian i love you#i bought the game for halsin i will die for halsin actually#i remember it clear as day.....seeing a random screenshot of a beefy elf on here and finding out it was from bg3#and immediately buying the game in ea despite knowing nothing
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the only time minthara "good" recruitment doesn't work is if she doesn't have any lines at all addressing halsin or wyll or karlach or fixing the shadow-cursed lands, all of which are impossible if the player recruits her the "normal" way.
but those lines exist. way back in release patch 1. those weren't added in future patches. it's always been there.
so i don't get how making minthara recruitable in a "good" run is watering her down. even when she's recruited in a "good" run, she's still pretty damn evil (compared to your average tadpoled companion).
#.txt#“good” is in quotation marks bc u can still be “evil” anyways in that run. like nothing is stopping you#from doing other evil things in act 2 or act 3#i still havent played good recruitment minthara but i do know from some clips and gifsets that her personality is pretty much the same#as when you recruit her in an evil run#the problem is larian not having anything to do in an actually evil playthrough#but in terms of narrative and character personality it doesnt not make sense
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Baldur's Gate 3 Ending Spoilers Ahead :)
Okay why The Fuck can't we have a romance ending with the Emperor. Why THE FUCK NOT. WHY. THIS IS UNFAIR. LARIAN YOU ALLOWED ME TO FUCK THE GUY, YOU ALLOWED ME TO TRUST HIM AND BE THERE FOR HIM AND TURN INTO A MINDFLAYER MYSELF, AND THEN I CAN'T HAVE A ROMANCE ENDING? THE FUCK???
#okay the fact that he basically goes 'do your thing and I'll be waiting for you for as long as it takes' is sweet but#BUT#I TURNED INTO AN ILLITHID TO SAVE HIS STUPID TENTACLY ASS#(and not to have to kill Lae'zel either)#I LITERALLY TOOK THE BURDEN UPON MYSELF FOR THOSE TWO IDIOTS AND BECAME SQUID#I did all that PLUS I forsook my romance with Lae'zel and then the game fucking ends with A LETTER?#NOT EVEN AN IN-PERSON GOODBYE?#LARIAN??? HELLOOOO?#I had a whole sequence of Karlach going to Avernus with Wyll which don't get me wrong I'm glad she's fine!#I was so scared she was going to die!#but why is that the only cutscene I get#nothing about the other characters and most of all NOTHING ABOUT THE EMPEROR#the narrator goes 'you won't have to face this burden alone anymore' and my shippy ass was already smiling ear to ear#thinking 'cause I'll be with the Emperor right'#'I'll be with the Emperor right...?'#and then cuts to black. what the fuck. What the actual fuck.#Larian you buffoons shouldn't have let me have sex with him if you didn't have a romance ending. No I'm serious I feel scammed#'Zero are you really complaining about not having a romance ending with the tentacle fucking thing' YES#YES DO YOU KNOW ME YES HE'S THE BEST CHARACTER IN THAT GAME
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#dont mind me just havin a conversation about rpgs and mods (specifically BG3)#and the person says they don't like mods and im like thats fine! nothing wrong with that!#and then they just go off “Mods are delusions and lies and deception!! its not real!!”#like ummm idk how to break this to ya buddy but uhh#the entire video game is not real lmao#they seem weirdly attached to the idea that the creator's vision is law and anything remotely changing any detail is blasphemy#nevermind all the things Larian themselves have retconned and moved around lol#the studios themselves dont know what their own canon is sometimes#in TES Kahjiit look different in each game#the elves are drastically different between each Divinity game#idk this is just a super bizarre conversation and ngl it threw me for a loop lmao#“mods are an illusion” feels like a meme#like i get that in spirit they mean that mods can hurt the integrity of a game and oossibly change the original vision#or go against established lore#but at the same time like....who cares? the creators aren't going to be offended and block you from playing the game because ur using mods#sorry im rambling but im just so darn confused#this is a hot take i wasn't prepared to catch#like show me where the video game mods have personally attacked you lmao#and YES if youve made it this far into the tags i will tell you#this was a conversation with an anti aa person on the aa kiss mod#theyre mad because it just “supports a delusion” and “ruins the story Larian is telling”#cause ya know ...the Tav expressions are meant to godmod players so that we know AA is abusive!#it was just all very patronizing#theye like “nothing wrong with using this mod if it makes you happy!! but hust remember that its NOT real and not canon!!”#imagine being so bitter you have to comment on things not for you just to bring down morale of those who enjoy it#and you do it with a take that isnt even correct lmao
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holy water, 25000 gold worth of diamonds, and a ninth level spell slot? a small price to pay for astarion being able to walk in the sun.
#larian capped it at level 12 so that we couldnt cure astarion of his vampirism actually#it has nothing to do with how broken the rest of the higher level spells are i swear#sorry this has been on my brain for so long that i had to go and check sage advice to see if vampires could even be restored#i think astarion is on the cusp of that 200 years but you know what i dont care.
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the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since
#i love gale he doesn't deserve (most of) the incel slander#but it's painfully such a good riff because it really really does feel like that#the player choices being a b/w alternation between 'hey there' and 'YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF... NOW!' normally is already comical as is#the fact that it carries over into interactions with the party members who you're presumably trying to be close with is... something else#and what makes it worse is it ISN'T jokey hyperbole. anyone remember 'send a mental image of you kissing him or HIS HEAD ON A PIKE.' c'mon#trying to chat and vibe at the refugee camp celebration and the sum of conversation i get is one (1) line asking how they're doing#because going any further than that elicits marking you down for the path of boning take it or leave it#it's genuinely so hard to get to feel like you can deepen a relationship with the characters in ways that aren't trying to pursue them#yes! halsin! i really want to know you better! i just don't want the ass!! why is trying to hit the only option other than up and leaving!!#99% of the time i expect nothing from media creators in terms of writing interactive relationships#larian are beyond parody in that they've somehow managed to do worse than the already suboptimal majority#we're just going to impose the roadblock of do you want to fuck y/n right off the bat. good luck finding a way to talk around that if not#the obscuration surrounding where exactly the checks are really does not help at all either#when the shit's got even the allos complaining about it you know it's BAD#shame because i was excited for character scenes given that's a lot of what's hyped up about the game#but no it's all just the romances. 'what if i'd like to breathe in someone's general direction-' well now have you heard of our romances?#fish fear them party members fear them and tav is going to have to walk alone on this sinful earth#conservative bigoted relative at the family reunion withers era was a fucking time before they tweaked that line speaking of#just so crazy they can get away with this shit#baldur's gate 3#bg3 liveblog
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milf of all time jaheira
#*fizzyspeaks#bg3#i want her bad#like i need air to breathe 🫵🏽#larian you cowards you know nothing of the sweetness of karlach tav jaheira polycule
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"Weeeh! I wanna recruit Minthara on a good playthrough! Weeeh! I don't like the ultimatum and want to keep both Minthara and Halsin! Weeeh! I wanna make Minthara good! Weeeh! I don't want Minthara to break up with me!" Minthara deserves more content but none of these things are at all what she needs or deserves. No, these are all things that you want for yourself, but do absolutely nothing for her. This is one of the biggest L's in the game and it will forever enrage me because I just know it will never happen.
Minthara deserves to confront Orin like all the other companions do with their abusers. She deserves to scream and yell at Orin. She deserves to cut at her the same way Orin did, make her bleed and scream in pain. Minthara deserves to torture Orin, just as she did her in the mind flayer colony. Minthara deserves the right to roll up to the Temple of Bhaal and beat the shit out of Orin with her bare hands. Leave Orin begging for mercy in which Minthara will not even give her a drop. To slam Orin down on that altar and slice her throat, offer her up as a sacrifice to the father she is so blindly devoted to.
And yes, Minthara would be afraid. She would be TERRIFIED. Despite how strong and powerful Minthara is, she is also the only one afraid of Orin. Unlike Ketheric, or Gortash, or Sarevok, she is the only one who fully acknowledges just how dangerous Orin actually is and does not underestimate her. She will walk down into that temple, intending to duel Orin with a massive disadvantage because she is terrified.
Minthara choked when seeing Orin again in the mind flayer colony. She choked when seeing Orin as an imposter, throwing her deep into the ocean of paranoia and fear. And she is so entrenched in paranoia that it actually becomes palpable to everyone around her, even you. She describes herself as paranoid, but this is the first that you actually see how paranoid she is. And she choked again when Orin kidnapped someone in camp, making her feel inadequate, making a mockery of her for being unable to protect one of her own. And every day that passes, the more and more likely that the victim is going to die and she has doubts on their survival.
At every possible avenue in which Minthara could have done something or said something about Orin, she froze in place with fear. But she's had enough. She cannot be afraid of Orin forever and she doesn't want to be. One way or another, Orin has to die and she wants to get over that fear. She needs to know that Orin is dead, for herself.
This would also make the alurlssrin confession all the more impactful. She wants to tell you that she loves you in the best way that she can because of the very high likelihood that she will never have another chance to do so. She would beg you to come with her as you give her the courage. She has the courage to face her fears and confront her tormentor, because she knows she has you in her corner. If you have the courage to stand up to the very gods themselves, then she can stand up to Orin. Romanced or not, your presence alone is enough to give her the strength to do something she would otherwise be too terrified to do.
Minthara deserves the honor to solo duel Orin in a fight to the death. Minthara deserves the right to achieve vengeance for herself. No, I do not care that this confrontation would conflict with a Durge playthrough. In fact, it would provide a phenomenal source of some interesting, and toxic, drama between Durge and Minthara. Especially if they're in a relationship. This also does not mean that Minthara killing Orin instead of Durge would not have its consequences (because it most certainly will). Even if Minthara does not fight Orin, it would be so much better if Minthara was just given the fucking chance to yell at Orin like all the other companions in their personal quests.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#orin#orin the the red#i spend a lot of time theorizing what a good personal quest for minthara would look like#and i've even written a mock up personal quest for her#one in which could have a major impact on minthara's character and who she chooses to become in the end#but instead - all of you 'good only' players focus on the wrong things and would prefer to bastardize her character#just so you can feel better about yourselves#rather than look at what minthara needs for a proper character arc and genuine character growth#minthara's change should not nor should ever be along the lines of morality#but a deeply personal and internal one in which she makes the choice to change for herself#if minthara ever were to get more content#it absolutely should be about direct interactions and a confrontation with orin#i literally do not and cannot care about the rest#but she will never get what she actually needs because the whiny babies who don't appreciate her character#are crying and demanding all the wrong things that do absolutely nothing for her#and larian is bending over backwards and breaking her character just to make *you* happy#and denying her the justice she deserves#this is literally the only thing on my wish list for patch 7 - but i know it just won't happen#but i will hang on to the hope that i am proven wrong once it does release
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Wyll’s romance IS boring but it has nothing to do with his skin color. Larian dropped the fucking ball with his character at all possible angles. he could’ve easily been an instant favorite without having to guilt people into liking him because they apparently could only add (1) black character, but they chose not to give him the same well rounded arc and romance as some of the other characters, and that’s infinitely more racist than just finding his romance storyline boring. don’t blame players for Larian’s fuck up.
#g talks#sometimes I peek into the bg3 fandom and instantly regret it#interacting with media without touching the fanbase is the way to go unfortunately#because the discourse around Wyll is so fucking predictably ignorant#and just ignores the actual problem#there’s obviously plenty of people who are just racist#but writing this complaint off as just racism from fans is fucking ridiculous#Larian fucked up bad#it’s not on players to pretend like they didn’t#the character isn’t real and won’t get their feelings hurt#you know who will?#black gamers and black dnd players who were looking forward to his character#just to have him mean next to nothing in the grand scheme of things#even early plans for karlach drew her as a black woman#and she wasn’t in the final version#I love karlach but it just lends more to the racism at Larian#this isn’t a simple ‘fans are complaining bc black’ issue#it never was#demand accountability from the devs or shut tf up#mine#/mobile#/okay to reblog
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this is everything i care about
#. this is my favourite thing#. larian wow you really outdid yourself#. THE KISSES I ADSDJFIOS YOU KNOW#. also i keep changing my tav's hair because nothing seems right#. anyway THEM#. I LOVE THEM#. anna plays bg3#bg3#gale x tav
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For opening up about his feelings (i.e. a confession):
youtube
For something much closer to the "quote", the er- made-up confession in the original post:
youtube
Imagine your f/o opening up about their feelings towards you in a late night conversation or early morning reflection together. "I'll always choose you. The truth is, you mean more to me than you know, and you are incredibly important to me. I love seeing every part of you and being able to know you, it makes me happy that we've become as close as we are. I hope you know that you will always have me. "
#astarion#like it still hits me after all this time. no matter *how* many times i watch these scenes (and others not included here)#like bg3 fucking Feeds us. and boy are we *Fed*.#the previous character i was so in love with (and still am) - og mcu loki. there was nothing like this.#i mean obviously right?#until the loki series he didn't get someone paired with him but they then...#his character had been completely assassinated and sickly twisted into some completely unrecognizable clown#and his beloved other none other than a terrible abusive piece of shit#but getting back to the point: basically mcu could *never*#end *in* the loki series. Nothing was even *close* to any of this.#and yet bg3 goes allll the way and more.#how many other fandoms can say that?#how many other fans can say they literally have video of their fav character saying not only that they love them but saying sooo much more#bg3 just absolutely fucking Delivers and my god is an amazing 5-star buffet of content#thank you *so* much larian. this means waaay more than you know#(this is a gift you know. *thank* you. i **won't** forget it. ;.;)#Youtube
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one last opportunity to destroy karlach's expectations god bless
#bg3 spoilers#karlach. honey.#if she expected better from el after everything he did. ahaha.#MATTHEW MERCER????????#final review uhh it was. shockingly fun to be awful#ive been a 'cant hurt my companions feelings or else ill die' kinda guy for most of my life#but the dark urge's particular brand of evil if you choose to go down that path is just so addicting#larian if you ever choose to make dlc for this game pleaseeeeeee#you dont know how much money i would spend just for a moment more of el#i do understand where a lot of the criticism comes from#the bugs & performance issues in act 3 i could look past#and i have enjoyed games with FAR worse flaws#but some of the combat encounters are unforgivable. im sorry#larian i love you but have you considered um. balancing your encounters better#or just make an additional difficulty level for idiots like me#all in all this game was SO worth the 80 bucks. holy shit#man i jsut. fuck dude#stares at the fix-it fic ideas which are really making it worse for everyone except for el fics#some things that happened do have me reaching for google docs but its a rare piece of media indeed to make me not do that#some things i didnt like but nothing so outrageous i dont feel like immediately switching to a different character#and playing through the whole thing again#even though its almost 10 am and i havent slept#good game!#i dont expect a bg4 to be a direct sequel if it ever comes into existence (what bg2 is to bg1) and if it does end up being that#itll be connected to the destroy ending. obviously. so pre-canon or during the game dlc??? heist in hell dlc when larian#im still on this i want to see pre canon dark urge. and i want to see el be disgustingly in love in that fucked up way of his#i like the replayability in this game at least now that i finished a playthrough i dont feel empty#i just want to continue a different one
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„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”
That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.
But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.
Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.
I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.
This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!
And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.
Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’
“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.
1. Astarions Abuse
Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.
Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.
The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.
Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.
“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2
Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.
Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?
Well. Yes and no.
Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.
Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)
Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.
Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.
“Have you no respect for yourself?”
“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”
“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”
“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”
All Act 3, Crypt
Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).
Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.
This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.
Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.
I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.
The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.
2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance
By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.
In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.
This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.
This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.
This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.
3. The Astarion we know and love
Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.
I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.
One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.
“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children
“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual
And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.
This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.
“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt
“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt
And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.
This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.
Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.
“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children
And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.
As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.
It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.
A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.
Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!
If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:
“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav
Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.
“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children
This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.
The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.
Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.
The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.
Examples of that would be:
“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj
“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children
“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex
The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.
The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.
We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story. We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters. We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.
It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.
“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”
That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.
4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”
Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.
So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.
But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.
He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.
He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.
He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.
Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.
5. Over the Course of the Story
Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!
Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.
A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.
On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.
#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad
Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.
And I’d assume that this is because of two things.
First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’
As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.
“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt
“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt
And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?
This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.
Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.
“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion
His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.
He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.
The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!
Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.
Good job, chap. Good fucking job.
And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.
In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.
And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.
They’re helping him save himself.
By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.
“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt
Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.
“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge
As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.
But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.
6. The Crypt
All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.
It’s not an immediate thing, of course.
At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.
It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.
All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.
Which, of course it does.
The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.
“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”
It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.
The guilt, however, is not where it ends.
No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.
Weak, desperate, hungry.
There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.
“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”
He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.
“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”
The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.
Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.
Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.
After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.
“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”
This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.
Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.
Manipulation.
He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.
“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”
This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.
Of course he’s fucking panicking.
Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.
“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”
Another textbook example.
They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.
So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.
Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.
Remember that for the last section, per favore.
7. The Ascension
“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”
That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.
Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.
And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.
And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.
Astarion is very much not okay right now.
In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.
“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”
Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.
The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.
"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."
And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.
“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”
A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.
That crying? That is healthy crying.
That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.
And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.
Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.
Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.
Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.
Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.
This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.
You were so scared of this thing.
And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.
It was so easy.
And yet you suffered for so long.
8. Evil Playthrough?
An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.
All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.
On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.
9. Final Conclusion
I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.
“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”
And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.
So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.
That version of him is dead.
#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate#bg3#astarion#the dark urge#tav#astarion romance#astarion ancunin#astarion and tav#bg3 act 1#bg3 act 2#bg3 act 3#act 3#act 2#act 1#araj oblodra
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