#lame ass baby cant even smoke

[principality-of-nanako]

and the father of the year award goes to

[theuniverseawakens347]

You get body augmentations on the bottom half and miss the most VITAL PART OF A WORKING LEG and go straight to high light the ass cheeks only - YOU WANA BE A SLUT YOU WANA BE SEEN FOR BUTT N TITS N DICK SUCKING LIPS = YO BED GAME SUCK - A NIGGA HIT WHEN HE BORED NEED A EGO BOOST .. CANT squeeze a clip right now might just go bust a bottom tear bitch the rest of the team “can’t touch” bc they prolly don’t like A FOR EVERYBODY SLUT YOU JUST NUTTED IN - YOU STILL THE LAME HO ON THE TEAM ..

Since Yal relate yo HO life to money n sex

Noah decorsi .. I BUSTED YOU DOWN ONE TIME. KEY WORD I.

You begged since 5th grade ( it’s gon seem raunchy writing this and the wrong ones gon slide on the “she a ho” - THE NIGGAS WHO CANT HIT BUT LIED TO FIT IN JUSTIN OF LONDON)

That’s 2006 … 5th grade. I BUSTED YOU DOWN IN MY BACK SEAT 2018 end of April … ONE TIME - A BITCH WANTED DICK AND MY USUAL BUSS WASNT AROUND ALSO MY EX WAS NAGGIN - THE NIGGA TRAITS IN ME W DISCIPLINE.. YOU a familiar nigga in a time a bitch was on a path caught between old life and entering a new phase .. - 6 MONTHS NO SEX W MY EX .. 🤷‍♀️

IIT WAS A ONE TIME BUSS MY NUTT .. nigga wasn’t equipped for a round two so I dropped you off at your spot also I CAME FOR ONE NUT. Tf YOU TRYNA TRAP A BITCH CAUSE YOU FINALLY GOT TO LICK 🤢 NO. IM GOOD. .. - YOU FEIN FOR PUSSY THE WAY YOU FEIN FOR DRUGS

( also we 23/24 here next time YOU ALMOST got it ( for the same reason) im pushing 25 - the brain FULLY DEVELOPS- A BITCH WHO DONT DO DRUGS AND WHY I TURNED YO ASS DOWN AND WENT STRAIGHT TO TRISTAN BEFORE YOU EVEN TRIED TO FUCKING RAPE ME ON SOME “let’s smoke n “chill” - NAW NIGGA ILL SMOKE BUT MY SISTER W ME CAUSE YOU BEING A CREEP WHO CANT TAKE NO FOR A ANSWER - NOW YOU ROBBING ME $3000 CAUSE YOU FEEL LAME AND PLAYED .. but I played you how you Justin of London play bitches sexually and my nigga pockets financially then try n pimp him ur torn up pass around sand paper coochie bitches you pumped STDs n babies into SO YAL COULD GET HIM VULNERABLE TO PASS ME TO YOU - VINCENT DAUSTIN NO NIGGA .. Stephen was something different after Tristan - a 3 Buss down WHO LOOK LIKE T CAUSE T TOO CHICKEN TO COME TALK TO A REAL BITCH - ALSO IM SETTING YOU NIGGAS UP FOR MURDER ON THE BACK END FOR KILLING MY FAMILY FOR FUCKTARK LEE GARLINGTON USING MY COLLEGE EX IAN MCDOWELL AND TRISTANS “BESTIES” NOAH DECORSI ( jealous over pussy and Ian) AND JUSTIN OF FUCKTARD MAC N KILO GRIMY ASSES KILL THE TEAM FOR RENT N CAR NOTE MONEY TO FLEX ON A EAZY THROW A COMPLIMENT BITCH WHO ALSO TRYNA SET YOU UP FOR FINANCIAL HEAVEN BY TRAPPING YOU W A BABY N EXPENSES “you like” NAILS N ASS SHOTS DUMBASSES.

YOU LIKE RETARDED ATTENTION SO GUESS WHAT YOU GET RETARDED MONEY PLAYS THAT SEND YOU TO JAIL W A RETARDED ATTENTION SEEKING BITCH WHO GON SEXX YO CLIQUE AND HAVE BABIES W THE HOMEO JUST SO YOU CAN HUG HER

🫤

And Yal think I want to pass around limp dick only hard off a perc in me - NO ESPECIALLY AFTER 25. Tf pick up a science book 48 laws of power ain’t do shit for you niggas but get you federal death row penalties IN ALL SEX TOURS OF LIFE. CONGRATS- this was about ddg but you gon find yo NON TEAM PLAYER ASS SELF IN HER - HALLE A FEMALE YOU LIKE LEE TO HOWARD YOU FUCKL RETARDS TOGETHER WHO NOT WINNING AT LIFE YOU JUST GOT A CHILD TO LOSE EM AND YA MONEY N YA MANSION*

MADE OFF MY FUCKING COOCHIE SEEDS N MY TALENT N MY MOM MUSIC PACS LEFT BEHIND FOR ME OF AGE TO JOIN THE INDUSTRY YOU CHEAP GRIMMY ASS BASTARDIZED FUCK TARD.

And you thought I was just gon hop on yo dick ddg cause you got designer on and MY BABY HANGING OUT THE BAG!? - YOU RAPED ME AND HALLE. AND CHLOE. LYING TO THEM GIRLS

“Chloe we use ur egg and Halle surrogates” - WHY YOU JUST AINT PUBLICLY DATE CHLOE!?? - “she a ho Halle respectable” - THEYRE BOTH HOS YOU IDIOT.

Neither brought you happiness MY EGG DID AND YOU FORGE SIGNATURES AND FAKED DOCUMENTS W HOWARD NUGENT TO SAY I SAID IT WAS OKAY TO HAVE MY FUCKING CHILD “look I’m a dark skin version of her REAL NIGGA”

NO UR A FAKE IVF INCUE CLONE OF MY GODLY FAMILY - NICE BLASPHEMY AND SETTING TONYA UP FOR MURDER USING PAULA BARTON - TF IS WRONG W YOU “we want a lil Darniece someone to control for murder n crimes”

🫤🖕

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 and 5x07: Just so you know. He put the third cd into the dvd player, realized there’s only 2 cds left and started screaming ‘no no noooo’ so we’re doing fine: ‘okay…fix *waves his hand around* everything that happened’ ‘BRIAN! Look at him being all pretty and shit. His name is brandon? *scoffs* lame’ Ben says Mikey still has a healthy baby daughter ‘bro what the fuck? Bro you ignored Hunter for half a season cause of that baby’ ‘why am i deprived of Brian and Emmett? They’d make an amazing duo and they are robbing me of it!’ ‘Since when do we get along with Lindsay’s mom? I thought we all agreed together that she was a bitch?’ And we are at the diner when they read about Prop 14 ‘we’re going political AGAIN? Hold up, i cant focus on two things right now. Since when are Blondie and Mike working together all the time? When did that happen? Okay now back to politics. (Justin mentions prop 14 ruining everything for ben and mikey) why is he suddenly so obsessed with them? Why the fuck are both of them so obsessed with Brian and marriage now? What the fuck is happening?’ The scene after ted has his fuck marathon is on and he imagines Em and Brian ‘SEE! THEY WOULD MAKE A PERFECT DUO! They can still make up to me for all the BS by giving me them’ AND WE ARE OFFICIALLY AT THE WORST SCENE ‘AH Blondie!! Come on Blondie, get that stick out of your ass and well I’m not gonna finish that sentence but it involves Bri Bri. *he literally kicks his feet in the air* did you see Brian’s smile when he saw Justin laying in their apartment on their couch! That is a man in love, he just has to say it! (Flashback to pilot happens) OH MY GOD!! THE PILOT! Brian is having flashbacks to their first night and now theyre living together! AW HE MISSED HIM AT THE CLUB! Why does Justin sound so bored about the club’s success? He literally helped him start it? He was thinking? Oh god no. (Justin says he made some decisions)..okay, what do you want Blondie? Because you’ve been confusing both of us for like 7 episodes now. *pauses tv* Where in the fuck was Brian making fun of him? What? He literally has been hyping up his career since the beginning? *starts ep again but he is stressed with his hand in his hair* he’s making you nervous? Bitch, he’s making ME nervous too! Whats going on? Okay but he changes his fucking mind like every other scene. (justin says to be a couple you gotta want the same things) i thought they did want the same things? *looks at me all sad* why does this sound like a break up? (Justin says why are they still doing this if its not gonna work) cause of me! What the fuck is going on?! BRIAN LOOKS SAD! HE ALREADY PACKED?! HE ALREADY DECIDED TO LEAVE BEFORE THEY TALK?! Brian stop him please! Tell him you love him! (Justin hugs Brian) *said very softly* don’t. Brian looks heartbroken. Of course he still cares where he’s gonna go. (justin leaves the loft) whoever wrote this, i hope they have explosive diarrhea.’ He then paused the episode and went outside to smoke. *walks in with his hair all over the place and stressed* ‘they just got back together! They went through cancer together! They moved in together! And now they’re ripped apart again?! What the fuck is this shit? Whats going on in this fuck ass season? Wait a second i need to do something’ *goes to his room and changes his shirt from the justin shirt to a brian shirt and then comes back without saying a word and plays ep and it shows Lindsays dad* ‘man, fuck you too’ And Justin is now with Deb/Em ‘i agree with Deb. But also clearly Blondie made up his mind so obviously Bri Bri would not stop him. Didnt expect? Bro you packed up your things before you even talked to him! WHY ARE THEY ALL PRETENDING LIKE THEY DONT KNOW BRIAN LOVES HIM?!’

Deb says how could he do that to justin and he pauses tv ‘DO WHAT?! I mean sure he’s been acting very….pilot-y but GAY RIGHTS *lifts his cast up in attempt to make a fist* but also gay wrongs. Besides he even said Blondie was making him nervous! Blondie is the one who keeps changing his fucking mind, i mean come on?! Marriage? Kids? HOUSE?! At 20? *plays ep* (Justin defends Brian..) you tell them! But dont move on. I don’t want that to happen, it can’t! I decided they end up happy together. *actually shouts it* HES STAYING WITH BEN AND MICHAEL?! OH ISNT THAT FUCKING RICH. You know what? I preferred when they hated each other. (justin says even tho he will miss Brian this will be good for him, right?) no. Absolutely not. It also won’t be good for me. I think we are all forgetting about me!’

Ben says Mikey still has a healthy baby daughter ‘bro what the fuck? Bro you ignored Hunter for half a season cause of that baby’ And let's not skip over the "healthy" bit. Sorry a sick kid wasn't enough for you.

why am i deprived of Brian and Emmett? They’d make an amazing duo and they are robbing me of it! Welcome to the Cult of KinneyCutt Brother Anon, it's lovely here.

*said very softly* don’t. Brian looks heartbroken. Of course he still cares where he’s gonna go.

I am so sorry Anon and Brother Anon. We all knew this was going to happen and we let you watch it and now your heart is broken and it's only a rollercoaster from here on out.

whoever wrote this, i hope they have explosive diarrhea. I can't imagine what he's going to wish on the writers at 513, I really don't.

This "they just got back together! They went through cancer together! They moved in together! And now they’re ripped apart again?! What the fuck is this shit? Whats going on in this fuck ass season?" and This "I mean sure he’s been acting very….pilot-y but GAY RIGHTS *lifts his cast up in attempt to make a fist* but also gay wrongs. Besides he even said Blondie was making him nervous! Blondie is the one who keeps changing his fucking mind, i mean come on?! Marriage? Kids? HOUSE?! At 20?" Is the best summary of what's wrong with S5. Brian regresses to S1 Brian and Justin regresses to S1 Justin and all growth is completely erased.

I appreciated that he changed shirts. Respect.

I think the S2 break up is entirely necessary for the characters to grow and their development arc. S5 comes out of left field within the context of the entire show.

[xxdunc4nxx]

Total Drama Best Friends: Chapter 7

Tyler walked out of the bushes.“Hey guys, I heard music and i dont want to be hungry in the woods alone anymore.” he said. the campers said hi to them and gave him some beers to drink so that he could get drunk like they were because they were drunk too. They were all nodding there heads to the music and talking and laughing. “Alright now that everyones here lets take some weed pills so we can be high and drunk at the same time.” and everyone agreed so he handed them a bunch of green pills made out of of weed and they all put them in their mouths and drank a beer so that they could swallow the pill. The codester was having a little trouble so harold put the pill in a marshmellow for him and that helped. also the codester had brought like a ton of weed cigarettes because he smoked a lot too.

Now they were all high so they started talking about high things like how the universe was really cool and how they were seeing a lot of colors. duncan was drinking Harold beer while he wasnt looking and laughing because he stole the drink. Harold and the codester were talking about what the prize would be for completing the challenge and how cool it would be if it was like a dirt bike or something because they go really fast and you can do jumps with them. trent was playing basket case by green day and it sounded really good because his voice sounded like the main singers voice. Duncan pulled out his knife with the skull on the handle and began to whittle a stick into a spear just in case one of the girls  came around and tried to snitch on them for being rad and skipping the challenge he would throw it at them to scare them into not saying anything. The pills they took were even cooler than the weed because they got so high it was like there was so much weed air in there lungs but it was there whole body because it was a pill. The codesters eyes were red because he was so high but he didnt notice because you cant see ur own eyes. anyways trent finished the song and they clapped because it was so cool and duncan finished his spear so they all decided to tell scary ghost story because they were at a campfire and it was midnight. Harold went first and his story was kinda lame but pretty funny on purpose so they all were laughing because he was being funny about his story. Then the codester went and he told a story he heard about a guy who ate babies and worshipped satan and duncan thought that guy was so cool because he is a satanist too. then duncan went and he told the story about how some contestants on a game show were camping and then all died and it was really scary but everyone was too high to be scared so they all just started laughing including duncan because he was high too and thought it was funny.

Harold said “Man it is sure is fun camping when u dont have to worry about some stupid bitches or camp rules or lame asses like chef.” and everyone laughed because chef was a big stupid asshole. “yeah i cant believe were gonna win the challenge just for sitting around and getting high, what a good day.” the codester said and he was right it was a good day today.

Then chris walked in to the camp fire and said “what the fuck are you guys doing theres supposed to be a challenge going on!” and everyone was really surprised but didnt act surprised because they were all on drugs and were high. Duncan said “Is it against the rules to have camp fire and chairs?” and then chris said “hmm i guess not, are those beers?” so Harold tossed him a beer and he sat down and drank the beer and it made him drunk but not too drunk because it was only one beer. Then they gave him a weed pill and he ate the pill and he was really high now because it was a lot of weed in the pill and he didnt smoke weed much because he had to be the host and couldnt be high while hosting because then he wouldnt do a good job and he would get fired. So they all drank beers and talked about monster trucks because it turned out chris was really cool and wasnt a huge douchebag like he was on the show because that was how he had to act because he was getting paid to by the show and he was into really cool shit like cars and rock and roll music and drinking beers. He even said “you guys are really cool, so fuck it you guys can win the challenge i wont tell anybody dont worry.” and everyone clapped and it was the best camping they had ever been on.

[joon-bugs]

Crush

~I’m late (as usual) but this is in commemoration of Jungkook’s birthday! No matter what age he will always be our baby Kookie. Let me know if there are any ideas you guys have for future stories, and enjoy!~  

 ‘He looked so small kneeling at your feet. His grown out hair was pulled back into a low bun, a detail you had overseen previously. A few shorter strands hadn’t made the cut and were haphazardly strewn over his forehead, covering his wide doe eyes. The image would have been so innocent if not for your nakedness.’ 

word count: 3,268 

pairing: Jungkook/Reader 

genre: smut 

warnings: swearing, first time oral (male giving, female receiving), Taehyung being an ass, (more) couch staining, slight violence, baby boi Jungkook, slightly submissive Jungkook, unprotected sex 

If there was anything nice to say about Kim Taehyung, it was that he gave good head. Okay scratch that. He gave phenomenal head. He delivered toe curling pleasure like it was his damn job and knew it.  The only flaw with him was the fact he was a major ass. Taehyung or 'Taehoney' as he was dubbed, was a cocky bastard with a pretty face. He reveled in getting off men and women, collecting in the reward of bragging about it while receiving reverence and sometimes money from his classmates. Getting on his knees was a hobby that benefited him in more ways than one, and he was perfectly content to break down the recipient of his efforts. Today, it just so happened to be you. 

Honestly, you didn't know why Taehyung had given you the time of day. You weren't his type by any standard, preferring the silence and seclusion of the library to the rowdy atmosphere of your apartment. Having three roommates only sounded like a good idea from a money perspective. It didn't help they all liked to smoke and drink, which usually led to them inviting friends over. And being really really loud. So the library had thus become your hideaway, away from the world. 

Maybe one of your  roommates had told him about you, put you on his radar, painting a target on your back. That could have been the only explanation as to why he weaved through the rows of paperbacks, only to plop down at the furthest table, which you happened to be seated. All he had to do was smile and extend his hand. 

"I'm Taehyung. Nice to meet you." 

You were done for, caught in his net the moment he opened his mouth. 

Somehow in the span of an hour Taehyung convinced you to study at his place, ensuring you that his roommate would be out. Like a lamb to slaughter you agreed, your backpack seeming heavier as you followed him home. 

Taehyung was sly, quick to offer you a seat on the small loveseat, making no move to squeeze next to you. He instead crossed his legs, sinking to the floor by your feet. You were grateful for the space, the air already suffocating in the emptiness of the apartment. 

You'd just started to take out your things when a touch startled you, and you looked down only to see the red haired boy grinning, his fingers inching up your shorts. Maybe the whole situation would have been avoided if it was colder, if the weather called for sweatpants or a parka. Or maybe it was ineffable, fated by some twisted deity. Either way Taehyung had gotten between your legs, and it was taking all of your willpower not to scream. 

"Tae-Taehyung...I don't-understand." You panted through clenched teeth, tossing your head to the ceiling, your fists balled. He came up for air to bite a chunk of your thigh, and you released a sound between a shriek and a gasp. 

"There’s nothing to understand Y/N. Enjoy the ride baby." He laughed, enjoying himself. You canted your hips when he resumed his actions and latched onto his hair unconsciously. You glanced down to watch him work and marveled at the contrast between your skin and his fiery locks. The scarlet letter came to mind and you scoffed, thinking of the symbolism. Guess that made Taehyung a harlot. 

“What’s so funny hmm?” His eyes met yours and you turned red, noticing his dripping chin. Was all that really from you? 

“N-nothing. Just thinking.” You gave a half hearted reply, hoping it was enough. His lips poked out in a pout. 

“I would hope you were thinking about me..and I don’t think what I’m doing is very funny. I’d rather have you begging than laughing.” He sounded upset. 

“Tae-“ 

“Time to work more of my magic then.” 

Taehyung grabbed your butt and yanked you closer, your thighs cradling his skull. He wrapped his lips around your clit suddenly and sucked hard. You yelped, back bowing off the couch, mouth open, eyes wide. He chuckled, the air stimulating you further. 

“That’s more like it sweetheart. Show me how you fall apart.” He lowered his voice, sending chills up your spine. The noises that followed were absolutely sinful, loud and obscene. Your legs were beginning to shake, the coil in your belly tightening. Taehyung’s nails dug into your thighs and you just knew there would be marks. You took in a big breath, the pressure rising. 

“I think I’m-“ 

“What the hell?! 

You shot up, pulling Taehyung’s hair to get him off. He resisted at first, content to continue despite the audience, until he realized you weren’t letting up. He sighed loudly and looked over his shoulder, still holding you spread eagle. 

“Oh you’re back early. Game finish early Kook?” Taehyung had a bored tone, a complete 180 from his earlier persona. You furrowed your brow at the nickname. Why did it sound so familiar..? You slowly scanned your eyes up the newcomer’s legs, taking in the toned definition of their thighs, all the way up to a pronounced chest and wide neck. You noticed the scar on his cheek and the small mole on his chin. Oh god. It was Jeon Jungkook. The best athlete on campus who so happened to be your biggest crush. Your crush who had just witnessed you getting tongue fucked by his roommate. You should’ve ran. If not for the mortification burning through your blood, you would have. 

Jungkook grit his teeth, glaring daggers at Taehyung who gave him a cheeky grin. 

“Sorry you caught me in the middle of something. Let me finish up then we can get lunch.” He talked as if he were discussing the weather. Jungkook dropped the duffel bag he'd been holding and charged forward to wrench Taehyung back by his shoulders. He fell on his back with a thud, the impact hard enough for a side table to shake. 

“What the f-” 

“You’re a real piece of shit ya know that?!” Jungkook yelled, standing over Taehyung with his hands in tight fists. You’d never seen the younger look so angry before. Taehyung scowled before standing to brush off his pants. 

“What’s the problem man? You act like this is the first time you’ve walked in on me working.” Working? It's not like I’m paying him. 

“That’s what this is? Bullshit. You’re telling me she came to you? That’s low even for you.” Jungkook got in his roommate’s face, breathing heavily. You wondered why he was so upset. 

“What? Hard to believe miss goody two shoes would ask for my services? I mean-” Taehyung scoffed, looking proud, “Could you blame her?” The situation was getting way out of hand and you chatised yourself for ever coming to the apartment. You crossed your ankles and shivered, debating on snatching up your shorts, but too afraid to move. 

“Im gonna beat your ass.” Jungkook’s threat was quiet and firm.  Despite only being able to see the back of Taehyung’s head you imagined the giant eye roll he gave Jungkook. 

“Oooo what a tough guy. Grow up Jeon. Tell me the real reason you're mad. It's because I can do what you can't. Make a girl come on my tong-” Taehyung’s head quickly connected with the drywall as his body was slammed up against it. You felt the weight of the attack as if it was aimed at you. Fistfuls of Taehyung’s shirt was bunched and twisted in Jungkook’s grasp, the two roommate's faces nose to nose.                    

“You knew damn well I would be home early, I should-” 

“What? Hit me? C’mon show us what a real man you are.” Taehyung licked his lips, enjoying his taunting. You saw Jungkook’s jaw twitch and knew you had to step in. 

“Wait! Don’t..don’t.” You pleaded lamely, becoming red as the two men turned to stare. Jungkook seemed to soften and hesitated a moment before shoving himself away from Taehyung. 

“Cute Jeon. Real cute.” Taehyung chuckled, adjusting his clothes. He fixed up the mussed section of his hair and tossed you a wink, before turning towards the door. 

“Sorry I couldn’t finish you off Y/N. But maybe Kook could help you out..” He threw the words over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him, leaving the apartment silent once more. Jungkook’s gaze was glued to Taehyung’s disappearing form for a moment and you took this time to bend down to grab your pants, trying to be as subtle as possible. You began to undo the row of buttons on the front but paused after hearing Jungkook mutter. 

“Are you..okay?” You were hesitant to ask and flinched when the boy’s head whipped around and his eyes bore into yours. Your earlier task forgotten, all you could do was stare back, watching as Jungkook mumbled something else under his breath, seeming distracted. 

“S-sorry for being here, I’ll just go.” His attention was making you nervous and it didn’t help that your lower half was exposed. It was not how you wanted your first encounter with him to go. His look turned hard then and he clenched his jaw, approaching you swiftly. You jumped back, pressing your body further into the couch, head dizzy at the unexpected move. Oh god he must be really mad. You anticipated that he would yell and throw you out, never to speak to you again. Clenching your eyes you waited, breath held. 

“I’ll show him.” The words were soft, quiet. You slowly opened your eyes, confused for a second, not seeing Jungkook in front of you. It was only when you felt a waft of warm air graze your legs, did you realize where he had gone. 

He looked so small kneeling at your feet. His grown out hair was pulled back into a low bun, a detail you had overseen previously. A few shorter strands hadn’t made the cut and were haphazardly strewn over his forehead, covering his wide doe eyes. The image would have been so innocent if not for your nakedness. And his staring. Right at your crotch. 

“Um..Jungkook?”  

“He did this to get back at me.” He said, leaning forward, letting his fingertips travel up your legs. You clenched them, keeping them closed for modesty’s sake. Omg Jeon Jungkook is touching me omg omg. You were internally losing your cool. Jungkook continued. 

“He can never just take an apology, always gotta act like a dick-” 

“Taehyung?” You were baffled at the lack of context to his rambling. He paused in his exploration, but his eyes never moved. 

“He knew I liked you Y/N. That’s why he wanted to get you here alone.” Shame flooded your face and you gasped audibly, realizing just how big of a dumbass you were. 

“You..like me?” Probably not anymore you whore. 

He looked up at you then and gave you a shy smile, looking much younger than you knew he was. 

“Y-Yeah. I was..too shy to tell you.” He looked away, reverting his attention back to your closed privates. Who would have thought someone as outgoing and sporty as Jungkook would actually be bashful? 

“I like you too Jungkook.” The confession escaped your mouth faster than you could think and you waited with baited breath, wondering how he might react. What you weren’t expecting was for him to heave a huge sigh and plant a kiss to the top of your leg. 

“Good.” He breathed, warming your skin, while his free hands circled your knees. You bit your bottom lip, trying not to release any noises. The warmth moved high, dangerously close to your core. You wrapped your arms around yourself, both embarrassed and turned on. 

“Can I make you feel good Y/N? Can I touch you?” Jungkook seemed nervous himself now, his voice wavering. Yes. God yes. Is what you wanted to say. You ended up with something a little less eloquent. 

“Um..sure. Make me feel good Kookie.” His eyes flashed at the nickname and he parted your legs open in a single move. Cold air assaulted your nether regions and you shivered, feeling your wetness already cooling. Jungkook hesitantly ran a finger up your folds, swiping some of the arousal pooling there. You flinched at his touch, watching as he brought the coated limb to his lips, poking his tongue out to taste. 

“Wow. That’s how you taste.” With his voice neutral you were unsure whether he was complimenting you or if he was disgusted. You soon got an idea of what his answer would be when Jungkook lowered his head, picking up where Taehyung left off. 

His inexperience was obvious by the hesitant flicks of his tongue and by the lack of rhythm in his ‘technique.’ Nevertheless tingles started to surface within you and you squirmed at the feeling. 

“Am I hurting you?” Jungkook looked up at you with a concerned expression, eyelashes nearly brushing the bottom of his eyebrow. You swallowed and shook your head, unbelieving of what was happening. How he could manage to look so cute while he was going down on you was a mystery. 

“I’ve never..done this before.” He admitted after a pause, his cheeks dusting with color. 

“I could help you, if-if that’s cool. You can stop-” 

“No. I want too Y/N. Just tell me what to do.” God you shouldn’t have felt such a rush at his compliance but you did. You guided him back down, finding enough confidence to place your hand on his head. A sudden thought popped into your mind. 

“Hey Jungkook? Could you maybe undo your bun? I want to touch your hair.” He’s gonna think you’re a freaking weirdo now great. 

Wordlessly he removed the elastic without pause, flinging the tie across the room without coming up for air. You let out a trembling breath, weaving your fingers through his hair, marveling at its softness. Jungkook hummed, sending a shock of vibrations and you bucked into his face, nails digging into his scalp. 

“Oh!” Gasping for breath you tried to control the rocking of your hips, eyes swiveling in every direction to find something to lock onto too, until they settled on the man on the ground. His own body was reacting similar to yours, lower part pressing up against the couch. He was humping the furniture like a dog in heat and you felt your arousal grow at his neediness. When his lips discovered the small bundle of nerves and started sucking you hissed through your teeth, clenching your jaw so tight it hurt. At this rate you were going to come hard and fast. 

Jung-ah! Kook!” The heaving of your chest distorted your exclamation but he seemed to hear you. 

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His pupils were blown, dark enough to match his hair. The ceiling light caught the reflection of your juices on his chin and you could only conjure up images of everywhere else you wanted his mouth to be. 

“N-no. Please Jungkook. I need you up here.” Now who’s the needy one? 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea I’m..” Hard. 

“I know. I know.” You grasped his face and coaxed him to join you, bringing your lips together messily, not minding the taste of yourself on him. He was still before coming alive, grasping the back of your neck to intensify the kiss. It was sloppy and loud but you were burning from the inside out, Jungkook a craving you had dreamed of indulging in. You pulled him down on top of you, your head meeting the armrest. In this position you could feel his straining length on your bare thigh and you were grateful you were already prepped. Otherwise there was no way he was fitting inside you without it being painful. You reached down to palm him through the joggers, feeling him twitch and lean into your touch. 

“I know this is so sudden and I literally just confessed but can I-ah-fuck you?” He was huffing, breath raspy and hot on the shell of your ear. His politeness only made him more endearing, and you laughed. 

“Yes. Please.” 

With your spoken consent Jungkook hastily shimmied his pants off, revealing he wasn’t wearing any underwear. You stared at the mass before you, watching as it curved to rest on his hoodie. The tip was leaking, the rest of him red and ready. Jungkook saw your expression and froze. 

“If you aren’t sure Y/N-” 

You wrapped a hand around him to silence him and he choked, only coming back into himself when you positioned him at your entrance. 

“Fuck me or I’ll call Taehyung to do it for you.”  

Jungkook slammed home, spurned on by your taunting and your mouth fell open in a silent scream. He was big. Bigger than you initially thought, and tears sprang in the corner of your eyes at the harsh intrusion. Jungkook began to thrust sharply, couch groaning under the fast movements. He had his eyes closed, lip captured between his teeth, completely lost in the moment. You hit his arm until he refocused on you, blinking away the wetness in your eyes. 

“Ah-let me-ah-on top. You’re too big.” Jungkook looked apologetic and pulled out, rolling over quickly. His whole body twitched, as if he was still inside you, sweat caked on his skin.

You brought your knees onto the side of his and took him in your hands once more, easing yourself down inch by excruciating inch until he was bottomed out, and you were full. Jungkook jerked then, hitting a spot that had you cry out and you begged for him to do it again. He grabbed your hips hesitantly, only gripping you tighter when you rocked against him, desperate for the friction. Soon the two of you were panting and grinding, tugging on the tops that remained but eventually giving up because neither of you could stand to be any more patient. Jungkook watched through lidded eyes as you bounced on him, letting on high whines that mimicked your own. You were getting tired, nowhere near as athletic as he was and started to slow, panting but trying to reach your end. Jungkook seemed to know of your dilemma because he planted his feet and increased his pace, ramming into you harder and faster than before. You held on to the front of his hoodie, unable to meet his thrusts anymore, only holding on as he brought you both to climax. 

You came first, your inner walls fluttering around him as you threw your head back, letting the intense orgasm wash over you. You collapsed on Jungkook’s chest, body spasming as he let out a yell, thrusting two, three more times, before finishing deep inside you. You felt the warmth of his seed and thanked god for the birth control you had started taking on a whim. Not that having a child with Jeon Jungkook was an unappealing idea. 

Your mouth was lead, thick and dry in your mouth, your limbs jelly. Holy shit I just slept with my crush and it was amazing. You cuddled his hoodie, despite how hot you felt , sighing in content when his arm came to pull you closer. 

“Hey Y/N.” 

“Hm?” 

“Want to grab lunch after this?” 

“Is this you asking me on a date?” You smiled, suppressing a chuckle. There was a pause. 

“Yeah. I am.” He did laugh, and you silently thanked Taehyung for bringing you two together, even if it hadn’t been under the best circumstances. 

Written by Rose 

[yamadcs]

wey hey, it’s a me...a madio here at long last!!! but rlly i’m mads, i’m twenty, and i’m in pst so im almost always fashionably late to things set with est time in mind. my last meal would be chicken alfredo but that feels really wrong bc i’d really love to own a chicken someday....anYWAYS moving on to the serious stuff! this intro is probably a shit show but so am i so it fits...i tried to keep it concise but who rlly knows idk pls plot with me

( NANA KOMATSU, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER, MUSE M ) did i just see CONSTANCE YAMADA touching down in italy ? rumor has it this 22 year old DIRECTOR is on their way to reunite with the brat pack.

so first thing’s first, as promised, constance has two moms!!! one of them is an actress and the other is an activist (specifically feminist and lgbtq+ rights if that matters) and they’re both extremely well-known within hollywood. 

her activist mom is definitely outspoken on social issues and she taught constance to be too, so the family is definitely known for pushing buttons in hollywood if only because they voice their very strong opinions VERY loudly. she probably had a lot to do with herself and her wife being ostracized in hollywood, or otherwise branded as brats. her actress mom, however, is much more soft spoken and was once probably an america’s sweetheart type. she’s a classic beauty, an actress that had so much potential until her reputation began to dwindle. she still acts, though in much smaller projects, and appears to be happy simply maintaining a home life (spoiler alert, she’s cheating). she taught constance humility and self-love

her mothers are so loving to her and to each other that she’s definitely a big romantic, however she’s also extremely naive so i’m sure that will pose a lot of issues in terms of plots and whatnot. she literally grew up witnessing true love at all times and is so in awe of her mothers’ relationship that she strives to have something just like it 

sPEAKING OF NAIVETE! constance’s mothers actually shielded her from the spotlight until she was about 15!! her parents were really nervous about putting her in the limelight because they didnt want her to have a fate similar to theirs (the blacklisting and public humiliation of being branded) so they kept her life as private and “normal” as possible. rather than having a private tutor, she simply attended private schools so that she could have a semi-normal social life. her parents were very cautious about who she spent time with, which led her to be a bit sheltered. she had lots of friends, but she was never allowed to go to their houses and they needed extensive screening before being allowed at hers, so it was easier to just keep her friendships at school. it wasn’t until she got to high school and made the choice to insert herself into the media that the world truly met constance, and she’s been basking in the hollywood glow ever since

being lonely is actually part of what ignited her passion for film. she had so much free time at home during her early years that she stumbled upon a tub of old movies, as well as the video recorder that was used to capture them. from then on, she was in love and it seemed that no one could pry that camera from her grasp. years 5-10 of her life feature many clips of her moms’ double chins and feet, the angles of a girl too small to see the rest of the world. 

i like to think that the first real paparazzi pictures ever captured of her and published across the nation featured her at a rally with her moms, holding a sign and very proudly leading a chant for the right for her mothers to legally marry. she’d been photographed before, of course, but none of them never made as bold of a statement and those pictures are what truly began her entrance into the spotlight, which was extremely intense and trying. 

since the world was so desperate to know the daughter of two notorious starlets, it only made sense that they would do nearly anything to obtain that first private interview with her, those first talk show appearances, anything that she had never been able to do before. it was super overwhelming and she very quickly became aware of what vultures the press are

uhhh so yeah basically constance has only really been in the “spotlight” for the last 7 years, but she became very notorious and admired very quickly since her existence had been so “””normal”””” and basically mysterious to the public until then. like her moms posted pictures on their socials, but all of her own were private until then and the media only got to know her on a surface level so it was a drastic change both for herself, but also for the world

i’d like to think her friends, THE BRATS, are what really got her through it like once she started working in hollywood and getting more film projects and running into these ppl and building connections i think constance really would have relied on them as mentors (even if theyre rlly just manipulation her...plot idea ?) and just....ppl who understood what this type of fame was like and understood how crazy this transition was. like she went from eating cereal in the living room w her moms and living her lowkey life to being on magazines and becoming the new “GIRL NEXT DOOR” of hollywood and that’s....a lot

she is a pretty notorious director now like a lot of jobs were kind of just,, handed to her once she started but she proved she had real talent so her entire reputation is something she really built herself bc her moms tried to detach themselves from her career to give her a fair chance to prove herself and her own prestige but like,,, she literally loves filming people and directing them and it’s her whole ass life like she almost always has a film camera and/or an old video camera on her person at all times so watch out for that in the morning ladies and gents she will make u a star 

oh and if her career goes south she’s hella gonna go into the adult film industry she’s directing sexy time baby !

i feel like there is still so so much i could tell u all about her but i rlly hope that this sums it up nicely bc it’s getting so long and so ugly....bUT BEFORE I LEAVE I HAVE CONNECTION IDEAS AND ALSO i just wanna say i think she would be on??? pretty okay terms w the bratpack like i know she has select ones she doesnt get along w but theres probably a big part of her thats excited to be back with them and happy to be in milan meeting up with them all again so idk if that changes things but yeah my girl’s naive and loves almost everyone so pls,,plot with mE

CONNECTION IDEAS....just gonna drop some lame ones here rlly quick to maybe get us started

uhh like i said many times, constance is rlly naive, so she’d be super easy to take advantage of. this could be something that happened when she first introduced herself to the limelight, like maybe someone latched on to her bc of how excited the media was to finally know her and they sort of road her coattails, or maybe it’s smth that’s happening as adults. im down for literally any kind of manipulative plots like fake friends, using her for shit, idk just mess her up ig

i think unrequited crushes are cute and i’m sure constance has TONS just bc she’s such a romantic at heart and so eager to have a fairy tale love that i feel like there would be this one person who she’s had a crush on for years who she just...keeps going back to bc she thinks she loves them and maybe they use her to keep her around or maybe theyve been honest about their feelings and theyre trying to just be friends but things are rocky/she’s just repressing shit idk we could do a lot with this i think 

i’d love it if she could just have a best friend bc like...idk i dont want her to have NO real friends u know? good vibes only for constance and ur muse man u feel

she was pretty innocent growing up since she was so sheltered so maybe ur muse smoked her out for the first time when she was 16 and now shes 420 friendly and theyre just smoke buddies or smth i cant believe shes gonna be a stoner now her whole personality i talked about up there? gone. it’s weed central now baby !

does ur muse need a tastefully directed sex tape? constance has their back im not kidding this is my plot idea ur all welcome

this is a novel so im ending it here but i will once again beg that u all come plot with me and love me and disregard these shitty connection ideas bc i KNOW we can come up with truly good ones okay love u all bye 

[mommyyondawayyy]

found myself.

Day 147 on Probation.

Im a pot smoker. Been a stoner since age 16, now 20. Smoking occasionally all day everyday for the past four years I can honestly say that I have become emotionally dependent of the substance. Its my safe place, pot keeps me sane and in touch with my most inner self. It allows me to know my self on levels I cant reach when I’m sober.

For 145 days I was able to maintain clean and free of my most favorite element. The element that makes life 200x more enjoyable and better yet, bearable. Speaking for myself.

October 2017 I was enrolled in a sobriety treatment. Not because I wanted to, because I had to. State law requirements, cant fight those. Basically it was enter this 6month sobriety program or go to jail. Going to jail for smoking pot? Me? Never. Not only am I better than that, I know I am stronger than that.

First few months of the program were a breeze. I took it like a champ. Im a badass bitch, I don’t need weed to keep me going. I'll show the law, I thought to myself. It was easy for me to hangout in a sesh circle and be like “im good”. Still I could hangout with my best friend and have a conversation while only she was smoking. The smell was kind of like my eye candy I guess, I enjoyed at least that.

For the past 60-75 days I have been the most out of touch with myself that I have been for a very long time. No motivation to live. So tired and unwilling. Putting my energy towards all the wrong things and prioritizing all the wrong things. I knew I wasn’t ok. I have been depressed before. This time around I was strong enough to recognize it. My mental health was not where it should be.  

The last time I felt this lost I was poppin pills. I turned to drugs to fill my void. Thanks to my parents that no longer is a satisfaction in my life. This time around, I was no longer filling my void with drugs but with men. Loosing touch with myself caused me to loose love for myself. I didn’t love myself enough so I looked for love in guys that could temporarily satisfy me. I was letting to many men into my bubble and it finally caught up to me. My self esteem was the lowest its ever been.

Last night I couldn’t take it anymore, my head was too much of a mess. After sitting in my car with my best friend and crying aloud to her about my life and how nothing was making any sense to me, I came to the conclusion that I needed a fat ass blunt. So, I got high. I was so fried, it was almost crazy. Literally it was a “Cap off” moment. I came to so many conclusions and just like that, everything made sense. Once again, I gained touch with my most inner-self. I found Aaliyah, she was only a backwood away; I could’ve told myself that one.

Once the high was in full effect, and my thoughts were all making sense I became so sad and disappointed with myself. I literally just had a mental breakdown and let everything out.

Potentially pregnant with the baby of an asshole that could care less about me. Prior to my smoke I was actually considering having this thing. Stoner me would never have a baby, Ive always told myself that if I ever got pregnant before the time was right I wouldn’t have it. If I am not ready, I would not have it. I have way to many plans and a child could not be something to get in the way of any of them. Not yet, and especially if the baby daddy didn’t love me. One of my dreams is to have babies with a man that actually loves me.

The fact that I was actually even considering having this potential baby only comes to show how low my self-esteem has been. I was in such a dark place that I actually thought having a baby would make everything better, when in reality it would only make everything worse. I couldn’t believe that I actually thought I deserved that. I don’t deserve that, I don’t deserve to be a single mom. Not only do I not deserve any of that but that lame ass nigga does not deserve to be my baby daddy!!

I was so disappointed in myself.

Where is the value that I see in myself?? I found it now but where has it been?? Why have I been allowing men to enjoy my femininity for there satisfaction?? Why do they deserve to have a piece of me?? What do they have to offer me that I let them in? Nothing. Nothing at all so why have I been so willing to give up my most valuable leverage? No more. No more. No more.

Day 1 of loving myself all over again.

For the first in my life I can genuinely and honestly say that I smoked weed for more than a high. Last night I smoked pot for medicinal purpose. Pot is my medicine.

Today I cut everyone off and start focusing on myself and bettering myself. Rebuilding what has bee torn down in me. Im under-construction. Looking for my summer body and reconstructing my mental health. Valuing my self and not letting just anyone into my life. From now on if you wanna get involved with me you better have something more to offer than just some mediocre ass dick. Im done.

Aaliyah is closed.

[geminimoonbeamx]

Wait a life time/ Chris Beck x Plus size reader

A/N: Alright ya’ll so I’m feeling veeeery fall today an I needed to get my fix. And what better better way to get my fix then to write a little College!Chris Beck one shot?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Drug use(they’re smoking a joint ya’ll! Hide your kids, hide your wife) An overwhelming amount of fluff. Maybe some making out? You know aint no one can resist them lips. Oh and a few little spoilers from the new season of Stranger Things!

Summary: You make the ultimate sacrifice and wait for Chris before starting the second season of you guys’ favorite show.

💫💫💫💫💫

It’s Friday night- and you feel like you’d been waiting for this moment your whole life. Your lectures had felt extra long today, you’d listened to the Professors drone on with an antsy mind. Your sixty minute classes felt like they’d lasted ages. You cautiously avoided any of your social media accounts, knowing that the internet was no doubt a buzz with spoilers. It didn’t help that everyone seemed to be heckling you.

“You haven’t started it yet? I figured you would have started binging last night right at midnig-” Cassie, your best friend addresses you, her voice shocked as you two had taken a caffeine break at the Starbucks on campus.

“No, not yet” You’d shushed her as you sipped on your Venti iced white chocolate mocha.

“Waiting for Beck?” She guessed, her eyes knowing as she gazed at you over the top of her open laptop.

“Yup” You popped the p.

The next harassment came from your second best friend, Erin.

“What do you mean you haven’t started season two yet” She’d hissed at you as the two of you sat in the library and you rolled your eyes.

“Obviously I mean exactly what I said- I haven’t started it”

“Oh my god, it’s so good already. I’ve been watching it all day on my phone. You’re not going to believe what crazy shits going dow-” You cut the curly haired girl off with a glare.

“Stop! You treacherous cow” you shoot at her and she responds with just a cackle

“Whatever, you keep waiting on Dr. Dork…tell me when you get to episode five, I need some one to express all of my feeeeels to!” She’d always been extremely immature…and she was studying to be a Neurosurgeon one day!

When you’d finally gotten to your little apartment, you’d quickly kicked off your clothes, letting yourself loose from the imprisonment of society, and pulled a pair of stretchy black leggings over your wide hips before Shrugging into your shirt that reads ‘Yeezus is a Gemini’ in bold lettering.

You take a peek at the clock on the stove. It’s only 5:30, Chris wont even be out of class for even an hour so you decide you might as well make dinner to try and pass the time…

Would he even know if you started it? You could just watch the first episode. Then you’d wait for him. What would that hurt?

No! Your brain instantly cuts you off, recalling the time you’d went on in Game of Thrones without him and the huge fight that had ensued. That’s what happens when two total TV nerds get together. Fights about “how could you watch it without me, I trusted you!”

So you sigh and start cutting up chicken breast instead.

Tick- tock.

When the front door handle finally jiggles, you cant help but grin happily, not only because you were going to get to watch your show, but because your boy was home. You guys were still very much in that honeymoon stage, and being without him for 12 hours, both of you full time students with gruelingly long work days, killed you.

“Hey” Chris beams at you as he enters. He looks tired, med-school really is a ball buster. His crisp white lab jacket is a stark contrast to his tired eyes, droopy eyes and fluffy tawny hair.

“Hi, baby” You give the rainbow vegetables a final toss in the pan before turning off the burner and making your way across the short distance to reach him, you reach up, pressing a kiss to his ever rosy, plump lips.

It’s lame, super lame, but you crave them all the time. The taste of his breath, the way his hand always cups the side of your neck; his thumb rubbing little circles in its wake. “'missed you”

He chuckles into the kiss “I missed you too” he’ll never get over how receptive you are to him. He’d never really been a lady killer so to say, and yet you always treated him like he was something liken to Brad Pitt or something. You really knew how to boost a mans ego, make him feel special.

Even when he had been elbow deep in cadavers all day.

“It smells good” Chris notes when the two of you separate. You know he’s always starving when he get home- hadn’t really eaten in hours.

“I made that fajita stir fry you like…and I may or may not be baking slutty brownies” you give him a wink as you walk back to the kitchen, an extra sway in your step and he groans.

How?

How the fuck had he scored so immensely?

“I love you”

It’s dead serious and it makes you throw your head back and laugh. He was sooo easy to please.

“Yeah, yeah you big sap I love you too. Go get changed so we can start our show! I’ve been dying all day!” You urge him, pointing the spatula at him.

“Yes ma'am” he agrees, before he slips into your room. He’s talking to you about his day through the open door as he changes. About how the internship he was sure he was going to get and about how his dick wad of a roommate had left all of his mail under a laundry basket so he was going to have to resend his credentials.

You gnaw at your lip at that. You and Chris had only been together for five or so months- but it had been the most intense five months of your life. He was your first real, serious relation ship and you couldn’t deny the fact that you were totally Gaga about the man. Plus- even though you’d only been dating, offically, for five months you’d known him since freshman year.

And you’d been thinking about asking him to move in with you for weeks- months. He practically already lived with you, he was almost constantly at your place. Most of his clothes were here, all of his text books. His NASA magazines… All that was left was for you to ask him.

You didn’t know why it was so daunting.

He looks lighter when he comes back out in a pair off loose, low hanging sweats and a sweater that had Rick and Morty printed infront of a galaxy on it. His hair, if possible, is even more mused: sticking up in all directions. He’s deftly pinching a nearly completed spliff in his fingers, rolling it with surgical precision.

He really did roll the BEST joints. And was one of the biggest pot heads you’d ever met, as most college students are.

He raved and ranted about the vast medical advantages of marijuana- not as much as he did about the wonders of space, but still. He walks out on the porch because unfortunately your building managers were hard asses and you couldn’t get caught hot boxing the place.

You dish up two piping hot, steaming plates and place them on the coffee table before joining him.

It’s late October in Connecticut and the evening air has a bitter bite to it. The smoke billows out of Chris mouth as he exhales and it’s almost hypnotic to watch.

He notices your staring and passes you the joint, thinking that was what you wanted. You take it without correcting him and inhale then fragrant smoke.

“How was your day?” His big blue eyes gaze down at you and you shrug.

“Eh. Non-eventful. I mean other then the fact that I’ve been dodging spoilers from all angles and dying to see Eleven with hair” you crack and he chuckles.

“Thanks for waiting for me. I owe you one”

“No, it’s our show. I wouldn’t start without you…especially after last time” you poke at him about his little Game of Thrones break down and he shakes his head at your consistent teasing. It would be mean, except for it always comes with you winding your arms around his middle. That and the fact that he so happens to be a total smart ass himself.

You pull away from him and glance upwards when he doesn’t reply “What?”

He just puts the joint on the rail and cups your face with both of his hands, squeezing at your round cheeks as he presses his forehead against yours wordlessly.

Beck gets affectionate when he’s stoned.

The moment is broken soon after by the beeping of the oven: signaling that your brownies are done.

“The brownies” you wiggle out of his grasp and he watches your back with a dazed look, putting out the spliff and going to the couch to flip on Netflix and get your show ready.

The rest of the night is spent with the two of you cuddled under fluffy blankets with full stomachs; yelling, laughing and crying as you binge the entire second season of Steanger Things in one sitting.

——————

Okay you guys this is pure fluff. I’m maybe thinking about doing a series of little Beck one shots like this? Would you guys be into that? Lemme know if you guys need more of this soft space boi in your lives😂💘

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU) Chapter 3

Alright friends things are heating up. Pennyboi learns how to deal with feelings and Leech gets a job. Some weird stuff with meat happens. Leatherface is a pure beautiful soul and must be protected. Next chapter will contain SMUT.

Warnings: Mild Nsfw, Blood, Swearing, Drug Use, Alcohol, Fluff. 

CHAPTER 3

Help.

The young vampire to be had been there a full month now and she hated to admit it but she had never been happier. This was truly a new start for her. People even stopped calling her by her original name preferring to use the one Pennywise had given her when they first met. It was meant as an insult but it fit her so well she kept it. She was a bloodsucker now after all. Lucy was gone Leech was who she was now. She had a new job lined up, new friends, a great mentor and she was even given a wig by Leatherface as a housewarming gift when her hair began to fall out. Aside from the impending death and losing humanity thing….and that damn clown…. this was nice. This could work.

Movie night at the Neibolt house was a big event. Everyone joined in even Pennywise who usually kept to himself but when Dracula insisted he join in to make a certain proto-vampire happy the clown reluctantly agreed. He hated that the elder vampire knew about his affliction.

When Dracula found out about it he had been confronting the clown over his disheveled state. “You seem less cruel to my young apprentice and you look like you have stopped feeding. You are infatuated.”

“Infat- What?! No! Leech is, she’s, well we’re just………I mean….I……..…..what do I do.” He was weak and defeated. Pennywise had never had a positive feeling like this before and Dracula was the only one other than Chucky that knew how to deal with this sort of thing.

“You must pursue her it'll be healthy for the both of you! My poor apprentice has been worried sick about her transition for weeks now! Yes! ROMANCE HER WOO HER GIVE HER YOUR LOVE.” The elder vampire was a complete hopeless romantic.

“I was just going to go back to eating my feelings till this goes away?”

“NAY YOU MUST COURT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. I HAVE FAILED IN LOVE BUT YOU CHILD YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE”

“One, I'm way older than you. Two no.”

“LOOK AT YOURSELF BOY, YOU ARE WASTING AWAY IN LOVE! GIVE HER YOUR HEART END YOUR ETERNAL LONELINESS.”

“What part of older than you do you- never mind lets pretend this never happened.”

“YOU WILL SEE SOON ENOUGH BOY, YOU WILL SEE THAT YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM LOVE.”

Pennywise hated how that he was right about that. He tried eating more and began to look healthy again until Leech walked by in the kitchen two days later and gave him a damn compliment. Who does she think she is telling him he looked extra scary today. The nerve!

“At least theres popcorn” he grumbled plopping down onto one of the couches. Having two giant monsters in the house plus a very territorial cat required multiple couches and chairs so everyone could fit around the old antique tv.

“Whats on the menu tonight boys” Freddy says opening a beer taking up a whole lazy boy to himself.

“Something we can do a drinking game with please?” came Leech’s request from the kitchen she was busy making drinks for her new friends after she bragged she could make them killer cocktails that would knock their socks off. It also to try to persuade Leatherface to put in a good word for her when applied for the position of bartender at the newly remodeled Sawyer’s.  Dracula was assisting her while carefully watching her glances and shy smiles whenever she heard Penny’s bells. The elder vampire had never had a protege before and he had to admit her fiery personality was growing on him, shed make a fine creature of the night eventually he just had to get her past her unwillingness to change. Leech found it annoying that he was constantly nagging her about her transition. Tonight it was all about how vampires cant hold their liquor. But she liked her mentor, he was like the father she never had and she would often find herself coming to him with questions not only about her condition but also life in general.

“Atta girl Leech you're a woman after my own dead heart” Freddy shouted back the two had been bonding more smoking on the porch talking shit about people who got on their nerves that day. They did have quite a few things in common one was tequila and the other was epic amounts of sass. Pennywise did feel a twinge of jealousy over it but knew if he said something Freddy would tell everyone the eldritch embodiment of fear had a big stupid crush on someone he normally considered food.

“All right guys heres my official audition for bartender at Sawyer’s. Tip jar is on the counter for when all you assholes are blown away by how great I am.” she boasted passing out the drinks.

“Big talk for someone who's tolerance is sinking faster than the Titanic” said Chucky

“Shut up and drink doll. I’ll let my talent do all the ass kicking for me.”

“What the hell is this?” Freddy asked poking the puffy pice of spun sugar

“Cotton candy martinis bitch!”

Pennywise choked on his popcorn.

She begun finishing handing them out and as Penny picked his up his giant hand touched hers. They blinked at each other for a second. “Something wrong Pen? Did I uh offend you with the circus flavors?”

“Oh um no no just something on your um something on your face!” Dracula rolled his eyes at him dramatically from the kitchen.

“Oh where.” Leech frowned.

“Its um… no stop stop! Don't touch it. Just let me do it..” The clown quickly pretended to wipe something off her nose. “nailed it.” He thought.

Chucky's eyes grew wide when he saw the exchange. “No fucking way” he whispered.

Leatherface was delighted at the sweet drink. He even giggled when his friend put the cotton candy in the liquor and it dissolved. “So you think I got the job big guy?” he grunted happily in approval “Aw shucks Bubba you're the best!” she hugged the lovable giant murderer. Leech smiled wide with cockiness “nailed it.” She said to herself.

————

“Wait you only have a waitress job??? But I thought I was applying to be a bartender!?” she complained at the giant the next day. She wasn't mad at him though it was the rest of his family’s fault probably. They Sawyer clan were a bunch of boys they needed a cute girl in the restruant to be the bait for their…. meat source. Finally the young vampire sighed “Fine I’ll take it, anything at this point. Just let me know when I start.” Desperate times call for desperate measures. “Do I at least get a nice uniform?” she asked.

Leatherface nodded enthusiastically, he brought out a bag from behind his back and handed it to her. Freddy was now watching with glee from around the corner. He had been planning this for the past week.

“Oh you've got to be kidding me.” she growled from the bathroom and Freddy laughed.

“Whats so funny?” Pennywise asked sipping a hot cocoa with way too many marshmallows

“I helped the big guy pick the new uniform for the waitresses wait till you see it.”

Leech creaked the door open her face bright red. As she stepped out Pennywise spit his drink and nearly choked on a marshmallow. She was in a tied flannel top and daisy dukes. “Who told you this was a good idea Leatherface?” the giant happily pointed at Freddy’s hiding spot who was on the floor cackling now. Chucky walked by and his jaw nearly fell on the floor before running to get Tiff. Pennywise was 100% broken. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. “Can I at least wear an actual shirt instead?”

Leatherface looked sad she didn't like the uniform. “Oh no” she thought “He's proud of it.”

“Hey hey big guy! I didn't mean it the uniforms great don't be sad see I’m going to put it away for tomorrow ok!”

Pennywise left the room quickly unable to remain there for much longer without….feeeeeeling.

Chucky walked over to him giving his leg a sharp jab with his elbow.

“What do you want doll.” he snarled

“You're a mess Jingles. Why don't you do something about it?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Your lame school boy crush on the baby bloodsucker.”

“I dont-“

“Don't even man you were practically having a heart attack back there, plus you were staring at her the entire movie night. Tiff thinks its cute.”

“Does everyone know now?”

“Pretty much.”

The clown fell on the floor against the fridge. “Then I need your…………help.” The last word was a struggle for him.

———-

Leech marched into the old house carrying the an entire butcher shop in grocery bags. Drops of cold animal blood dripped down from her purchases and Church had come out of hiding to follow her to the kitchen where she began to pack the fridge and freezer full of raw meat.

“Ok clown your girl’s home go talk to her.” Chucky whispered from behind Pennywise who was hiding on the stairway to the basement.

“Compliment her ears she's been very self conscious about them lately” Dracula suggested to him.

As Pennywise attempted to step forward he paused when he saw the young vampire. She looked to be in a trance as she put meat away finally stopping at a package of bratwursts and taking a deep inhale of the bloody sausage. She let out a small whimper and as a drop of drool fell from her lips the clown felt his breath hitch. “What are you waiting fo- woah!!!” Chucky paused when he saw that Leech has taken one of the sausages out of the package and was brining it to her hungry open mouth. Her tongue had rolled out and she swallowed the meat whole like a snake. “Holy fuck Jingles thats uh… thats some girl you got there…” Chucky’s jaw dropped. Pennywise was completely frozen unable to speak. “Well ah.. nosferatu fledglings do have a…ahem insatiable appetite” Dracula dabbed his brow.

“We’re uh….we’re gonna go….good luck Jingles…” Chucky and Drac both bolted out of the room as Leech finished the tray of sausages completely unaware and going into a slight frenzy.

She ripped open a roast now and began violently tearing the meat with her dull human teeth. She started sucking the blood through the flesh while making obscene gasping sounds as she fed. Drool poured out of Pennywise’s mouth in record amounts as he watched the vampire. She tore off her beanie revealing her bald head and large bat like ears which began to fold straight up against the side of her head. Leech’s eyes flashed forward as she finished Penny marveled at how they looked like little reflections of the full moon against her dark eye circles she was becoming a truly terrifying monster. The clown had never seen something so beautiful or smelled something so sweet. The nosferatu came down from her high panting and gasping looking at the animal blood on her hands and the drool on the floor. “What the hell just happened?” she said to herself. She heard a soft jingle and her face lit up, she quickly put on her beanie to hide her baldness and wiped her face. “Penny?!” she said asked excitedly a small blush creeped onto her cheeks. Her face fell when no one answered. “Must have been my imagination…” she mumbled starting to clean up her mess.

Pennywise had retreated to his lair leaning back in his nest panting with need. He looked down at the tall tent in his pantaloons and shut his eyes. This was bad. He never really felt feelings like desire or lust, not like this. There were maybe a handful of occasions where he was in heat and took a lover for the night disguised as a human but he saw them as more tools than mates. Pennywise couldn't even remember some of their names, he was pretty sure he ate a few after he was done with them too. But this oh this, this was completely different. This new feeling was not something he could just relieve and get on with his hunting. This was a burning need for someone he saw as an equal, someone like him. A fellow predator, a potential mate. He didn't want anyone else he wanted her. And he hated it.

As promised the next chapter will get STEAMY. So stay tuned for that. 

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROZE: Dis is tha lightn'n round, D-to-tha-izzave. ROZE: We didn't make tha rules. Real niggas recognize the realness. ROZE: Anyway, I'm ready ta blow mah Referee Sport Whistle™ if you don't answa before tha Commercially Endorze' Game Clock expires.

DAVE fo my bling bling: i thizzle tha lightn'n rounds rappa DIZNAVE: whizny dont we have a distraction ta seal tha deal DAVE, chill yo: hizzy mizzy i thizzle harleydad motherfucka tizzy be talkin 'bout you

ROXY: jake? ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right ROXY: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. gotta go catch up wit hizzy soon... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. ROXY: ill wave hello fiznor niznow

DAVE: i dont think hizzle hatin'

ROXIZZLE like a tru playa': dammit jake lizzle ova here u gizzoof ROXIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: gonna stizzay a fiznire hiznere wizzy all this frizzle wavin

DIZZAY: nope hes completely out ta lunch DIZZAY: just like all tha harleyberts

RIZZLE: HIIIII JIZZAY

ROXY: JAKE ROXY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. JAKE DAMMIT HI

JAKE: Oh now pass the glock. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Um sorry. JAKE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. H... hi roxy in all flavas. JAKE: Youre wit us again n... You gotta check dis shit out yo. n... i lizzy thizzat.

ROXIZZLE: :D

DAVE: thats it? DAVE: hes right bizzack at it wit tha bizzull homey DIZZAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: whizzle wit hizzay DIZNAVE: he reminds me a lizzle of J-to-tha-izzohn but reallizzle quiet wizzy be very unjohnish

ROXY: jakizzles bootylicious!

RIZZLE puttin tha smack down: but yeah hizzy niznot like thizzat all tha tiznime

ROXY: he be p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he D-to-tha-izzoesnt like crowds mizzy ROXY: he became sort of a hermit afta a few months 'n our session ROXY: he mainly hizzle out wit dirk until he eventually sorta S-H-to-tha-izzut him out too ROXY: dude jiznust likes his lonesome time i guess?

DIZZLE: ill try gettin ta kniznow hiznim some time DAVE: maybe trap him like a shizzay woodland creature DAVE, betta check yo self: then brutally harangue him wit mah typically riznad shit n become airtight brizzos DAVE: right there 'n tha gang bangin' woods DIZZLE: exactly how nature intizzle

RIZZLE: omg yes ROXIZZLE: i wizzay help u rig yo' jakesnares ROXY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. maybe lizneave sizzle hunkizzle dudebait, like a trail of micrizzles sprinkled thrizzay out tha forest

DIZZAY: off tha hook thanks mom DIZNAVE: roxy i mean

ROZE: Dizzay, even I'm bustin' less trouble referr'n to Roxy by playa N-to-tha-izzame consistently, n I wizzay tha one who grew up knowing gangsta as mah literal motha. ROZE sho nuff: Wizzy be ballin' on with you? Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.

DIZZLE: nuttin DIZZY: its just liznike semi accidentally replac'n a word wit anotha word in a majoritizzle of instizzles DIZZAVE: wizzy d-ya nee' ta read th'n into everyth'n

ROZE: Yoe right. How could anyone possibly read anyth'n into that sizzort of repeated slip-up.

DIZZAVE: exactly

ROZE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. What if yoe mak'n ha uncomfortable?

ROXY: its fine R-E-A-Double-Lizzy! ROXY: i thizzle it be sizzay endear'n

DIZZAVE: see rose yall worry'n 'bout nuttin as usizzle DAVE: moms fine wit it DAVE so i can get mah pimp on: moxy

RIZZLE: snort

DIZZY: i mean DIZZLE: romy DAVE: mommy DAVE: wizzait fiznuck DAVE: ok thizzle one was fucked up DAVE: liznets make sure i motherfucka hustla fuck'n say that again

ROXY: im dizzy here ROXY, betta check yo self: dave...stoppit ROXIZZLE: im a sizzy

DAVE: i cant DIZZAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: its lizzike i wizzy ho-slappin' before DAVE: dis be a fizzay of nature we all gotta just deal wit DAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. strida blurtscapadizzles D-TO-THA-IZZAVE fo' sheezy: dizzles fly'n bona circus DIZZAVE: dis shit be immizzle DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: i hizzay ta face dis fact a long time ago DAVE fo gettin yo pimp on: i cizzy eitha trizzy ta change tizzy P-to-tha-izzart of mysizzle W-H-to-tha-izzich is an unwizzle war DIZZLE: or i could try focus'n on bein L-to-tha-izzike a vaguely half decent pizzle so at lizzle the S-H-to-tha-izzit i inevitably blizzurt out from dizzy down isnt all that bizzy DIZZAY: coz the bizzle S-T-to-tha-izzuff hizzle bizzeen and be stiznill be'n purge' thrizzay an arduous L-to-tha-izzong term process of complete n utta humizzle

RIZZLE: dawg ROXIZZLE n shit: arduous L-to-tha-izzong tizzay proceszes of complete n gangsta humiliation be basically mah aesthetizzle ROXY: anyways yiznou be a S-I-Double-Lizzy dizzle n its ok if u keep callin me mizzy on "accident" :)

ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. I hope it be similarly ok wizzith you if I make tha conscizzles decision ta refrain from call'n you that drug deala. ROZE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. Unlike Dave, I've takizzle bootylicious pride in tha meticulous maintenance of mah intizzle filta. ROZE: I dizzle think I hizzay tha same luxizzle he does. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. ROZE ta help you tap dat ass: Humilizzle just makes mah dizzles angria.

ROXY: yeah roze call me whizzle mah nizzle! ROXY: bizzle um lmao you gots a wizzay of makin that sound lizzle scary

DAVE: its fucked up that shiznes jok'n biznut also not even reallizzle DIZZAVE: yizzy figure out how ta crack ha deadpizzle rizzles theres an art ta it

ROXY: yizzy guys... RIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. an ur friggin psycho babble droppin hits! ROXY yaba daba dizzle: its a rizziot ROXY: suddenly feelin lizzy maybe im tha W-to-tha-izzeak liznink 'n dis family tree on tha analytizzle front ROXY: nee' ta stizzep up mah gizzle

ROZE: Ta be fair, Dave's game be prizzle flimsy paper'd up. ROZE: He bizneen jack'n mah motherfucka fo` yizzay. He onlizzle pulls it off coz he funnizzle. ROZE: N ta be even faira, I'm not actually M-to-tha-izzuch of a psychizzle. ROZE: I know just enough ta know that I barely know perpetratin', n probably wizzould hizzay benefited frizzay, I don't kizzy, "college", or something.

ROXIZZLE: ok whizzle i feel a bit lizness lame then ROXIZZLE: i killa dirks insane scrutinization of all doggy stylin' cerebral had a similar way of mobbin' onizzles ego RIZZLE: maybe thiznat was smoke 'n mirrors tizzay idk ROXY: maybe since he n i be ur parents, 'n terms of psycho skillz... ROXY n shit: hes gots ALL genes n i gots NONE ROXY: so that means dave gots SOME genizzles n roze gots LOTS now pass the glock?? RIZZLE: wherein SOME be more than NIZZLE n LIZZOTS is less than ALL ROXY: ???

ROZE: That Q-to-tha-izzuite a scientific wiznay of trippin' at it. ROZE: Mizzay it even trizzay?

ROXIZZLE: yeah i fizzle LIZZOVE SCIENCE n we out!!!

DAVE: ok then that explains everyth'n

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat

DAVE: if you gots all tha science genes then that mizneans some scrizzle off on me DAVE: whizzle would explain why mah bizzle are so ill D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: its cauze mah science be off tha charts

ROZE: Holy shizzay in tha dogg pound. ROZE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Can someone come push dis nizzay off tha lilypad in tha dogg pound?

ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. dat explanation thizzle ROXIZZLE: :')

ROZE n shit: Cringeworthy rap notwithstand'n, RIZZLE: I do recall hear'n hiznim bizzay 'bout want'n ta be a scientizzle on more than one occizzle. ROZE: If the wiznorld hadn't ended. ROZE: What wizzas it? Archeology? Paleontizzle?

DAVE: yeah i dizzy DAVE ridin' in mah double R: one of those chillin' DAVE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. whicheva involvizzle more dead shizzle DIZZAVE: mizzle

ROXY upside yo head: paleontolizzle!! ROXY: u wanted ta studizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat?

DIZZY: i sincerely mumbled 'bout thizze idea once or twice sizzy

ROXY with my forty-fo' mag: thats neat ROXY now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: what 'bout yizzy rose ROXY: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. did u actually wizzant ta be a legit psychiatrist n go ta schoo' fo` that n all?

ROZE: I dizzle recall mah thoughts on higha education. ROZE: Mah passion fo` tha subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young gizzirl wit misplaced conviction in ha abilities. Its just anotha homocide. ROZE: I probably tizzy I cizzle jiznust figure it all out myself n skizzle tha academic coronation. ROZE: I don't thizzink M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout it anymore ya dig? ROZE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Possibly coz there no one lizzeft ta anizzle, except fo` tha modest populizzle of dis frog disc.

ROXY: W-H-to-tha-izzat wizzay you W-to-tha-izzant ta do with yo' liznife instead?

RIZZLE: i mizzle assum'n there were no mizzore evildoa ta worry 'bout ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon't know. ROZE: What be thiznere evizzle ta consida do'n wit godhood BIZZUT concern oneself wit evildoa aww nah?

DAVE keep'n it real yo: what 'bout yo' qiznuest

ROZE: Hm? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

DAVE: tha shit wit yo' planet n tha rain n stuff DAVE ya feelin' me? wasnt there S-T-to-tha-izzill sum-m sum-m ta do there

ROZE: I... gizzay so?

ROXY fo gettin yo pimp on: yeah RIZZLE: i did mine! I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. ROXY: or at lizzy a version of it specific ta mah sitizzle ROXIZZLE: i git tha feelin tizzy change around n such clockin' on W-H-to-tha-izzat tha lay of tha L-to-tha-izzand be ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. mah reality wizzle fizzle so mah denizen just kinda... rerouted me ROXY: Chill as I take you on a trip. nothin too fancy

DAVE: yeah exactly D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i dizzay dis really stilted like mashup of what i assume mah "rizneal qizzle" was DIZZAY: like involv'n break'n a sword n UNbreakizzle a sizzy n a fuckin BIRD wizzy involved n T-H-to-tha-izzen tha B-to-tha-izzird unceremonizzle DY somewhizzle DAVE: it wizzy kizzy of a mizzess DAVE yeah yeah baby: like me i gizzuess so maybe thiznat made S-to-tha-izzense DIZZY: Bounce wit me. wizzy K-N-to-tha-izzows whizzle yours wizzy have 'n store fo` yizzle now DAVE: i mean DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. if you even wizzle ta botha

ROZE: I'm not sure if I have tha inclinatizzle, n realistizzle, thizzle isn't even much tizzy fo` thizzat, be there? ROZE: We're suppoze' ta be fight'n advizzles imminently. ROZE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. I can't squeeze it 'n before tha battle. ROZE: N pimp, we'll hizzay supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of do'n it then? Boo-Yaa!

DAVE: shrug

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m always rizzle me tha wrong wizzay 'bout "Mah Quest". ROZE: I don't even like tha phraze ya dig? It uncomfortably formizzle, n a shawty forebod'n cuz Im tha Double O G. ROZE: I think tha regimentation of it all always striznuck me as unpalizzle. ROZE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Like consign'n personal growth ta thizze completizzle of a glorify, myth-heavy rat maze.

DAVE: yizzeah i know why you fizzeel that way DAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. yizzy gizzle big problems wit authority DAVE: you alwizzles have n yizzle probably wouldnt even pizzy it that wiznay cauze it S-to-tha-izzounds reallizzle Tizzle of yiznou n gauche or bitch D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: but its true

ROXY: omg u guys n yo' shrink B-to-tha-izzabble like this and like that and like this and uh! ROXY: be so funny i swear 2 god

DAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yeah here we go again right? DAVE: except jizzust wanna be gangsta im a F-R-to-tha-izzaud at dis stuff DAVE: except 'n dis particular caze im totally right DAVE: she S-to-tha-izzees dis quest all neatlizzle lizzay out fo` ha wrapped 'n a bow DAVE doggystyle: fuck it even lizzy like its made fo` shawty kids wit lizzay pink turtlizzles n rainbows n shiznit DIZNAVE: lizzy here you go princess its biznabys fizzy quest DAVE: almost like it wizzay designed ta piss ha off DIZZAVE: sburb sez here, self imprizzle delineatizzle n miznade comprizzle enjoy yo' cizzle cutta odyssey DAVE: so coz shes roze she giznoes no fuck mah qizzle DAVE: literizzle starts wreck'n shizzle DIZNAVE: n mizzy thizzay itself was always ha qiznuest

VRIZZISKA: If I may interject...

DAVE: oh off tha hook vrizzle was eavesdropp'n

VRIZZLE: Not fo` very long mah nizzle! VRIZZLE: I just hizzay yiznou talk'n a8out Roze's qiznuest be all. VIZZY: I don't have anizzle opinion on whetha you do it or not, Roze. That yo' 8usiness. VRISKA: 8ut mah advizzle be, if yizzle see yo' denizen, jizzy make sizzy you kill ha fast.

DIZZLE in tha dogg pound: whizzay

VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cizzles be a HIZZAY 8itch. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. If yizzy gizzive wanna be gangsta an inch, shizze'll try ta sucka yizzy into a whole 8steppin' convizzle, mostly involv'n a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddlizzles. VRIZZLE: Dizzy give her tha chance! Jizzy go fo` tha jugular n end it as soon as you can, betta check yo self. VRISKA in tha mutha fuckin club: Gra8 ha L-to-tha-izzoot n call it a diznay and my money on my mind. That what I think, at L-to-tha-izzeast. VRISKA keep'n it real yo: Assum'n you 8pusha mobbin' to sizzay hustla at all. Boo-Yaa! C-to-tha-izzouldn't really 8lame you if you dizzidn't tizzy.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: I probably wizzon't. ROSESPRITE: Won't what?

VRISKA: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Oh now what tha FUCK be dis sho nuff????????

JASPERSPRIZZLE: M-to-tha-izzeow.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[asksansweredpdf]

These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police. 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car. 

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be.  i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives 

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living. 

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time.  weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else. 

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider. 

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

[boyshoujo]

what kind of music do u listen to??? 👀, i judge people by their music tastes so if u have a shit taste then ur #canceled,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so do u like rock??? do u like sad music????? old (by old i mean from 2000 or 2005 but it can be from 1950 if u want) or new music???? do u like vocaloid???? japanese music???? do u listen to music in other languages???? do u like happy music??? do u care abt the lyrics more or the beat???? what kind of music do u dance to???? name ur 10 fave artists or bands???

blease dont judge me by my music taste……………….. i like everything ?  like………………basically anything but taylor swift/ed sheeran/bastille type of songs lmao but i like everything and anything tbh ???

I TOLD YOU THAT THE CHARMING CHERRIES GAME SUCKS BUT U DIDNT LSITEN AJWKSMKFSICNJ!!!! u picked him “accidentally” huh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) , abt the donut kink: there was a pic of asra eating a donut, some anon was like “draw asra eating or smoking” so the artist picked the eating, someone tagged it “smoking” cuz asra would never smoke, i didn’t understand and i was like??? “do u mean smoking hot??? actually now that i think abt it the way he’s eating the donut is hot, wow i have a donut kink now…….”

gril i downloaded the charming cherries game BC U TOLD ME TO !! ! ! and i wanted to believe in u !!!!!! ! ! and i wanted to make fun of the fedora guy lmao 👀 wtf i thought u were gonna tell me something #Juicy like u saw some comic about some police officer fucking a donut or something ? but it’s just asra eating a donut ?????? wow :/ disappointing :/

u wanna kno more abt me?? my name starts with an A and ends with an A, and its not angelica JFSLKSDISJUSID!!!!! im still in highschool and im younger than u but its just 2 or 4 years so it doesn’t count lmao,,, im very manly (in my personality not in appearance but im not like a girl at all?? kinda in looks yeah but anything else?? no) AND NO IM NOT A TOMBOY EW KPSIEJDIMDJS!!!!!! ive known a lot of tomboys and let me tell you,,, some of them act like animals,,, u don’t even know if they’re human

is ur name aaliyah ? alayna ? ashana ? adriana ? is ur name [screaming] AAAAAAAAAA ? is ur name Arcana A(non) ? i dont know any a names lmao4 years wtf…………………….. ur a baby lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s ok if u dont want to reveal urself tbh bc im a stonky Olde person 👴 and tbh ? i wouldnt lolalso tomboys r cute? :/ like some r gross but ? theyre cute ? 

i have cat ears too but its just like an empty triangle and its black,,,, i want the cat ears that move but i don’t know where do i buy it??? and no, i can’t buy it from the internet (amazon) cuz my mom thinks that they’re going to steal her money,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but isn’t thanksgiving in christmas??? did native americans got killed in christmas?? im not christian so i don’t know shit lol,,,, and u go to an art school???? tell me more abt it 👀

JSKJKLSJFL r u talking about those fancy cat ears that react to ur brainwaves or whatever .. arent those like 29034902348 dollars …(american) thanksgiving is in november, and christmas is in december ! they’re separate holidays lolin america, christian holidays r treated as national holidays lmao :/ (also bc america runs on extreme consumerism and they want a reason for us to buy shit all the time!!!!!!!!) like ?? my grandparents on my dad’s side r buddhist but they still celebrate christmas w us bc its ingrained into the “””American Culture”””” which is kinda lame but yeah lmao :/

GIRL some of the people at my art school r so corny,,,,, like i changed my major from animation to illustration and i instatntly noticed how normal everyone in the illustration department is ??????????? we’re Normies??????? we’re Basic as hell?????? meanwhile all the animation students WERE SO WEIRD I CANT,,,,, like at least 60% of them were furries (INCLUDING THE PROFESSORS KFLJSKJLFD OMG i heard a story about how a bunch of students found one of the professors’ old furaffinity accounts with a bunch of furry porn and KJFLKJSFLJ FKSJFLKFJ I WANT TO DIE THATS SO EMBARRASING! !!  ! ! !) but like . everyone in the animation department speaks in babie voices and says “hewwo???? :3c” or “doge” and other bullshit weird ass tumblr lingo OUT LOUD . in Real Life and im just like ?? ?? why cant yall be normal………bplease……………….. 

[amorrain1990-blog]

Tips to dating in 2017

I know what your thinking, "Who needs dating tips?" If your in a relationship OBVIOUSLY this isnt for you. I write this for the single people, not just females, but anyone who is freshly out of a relationship, those who are just tired of the same old experiences and looking for something real, or those who have no idea where to start in this new age era of dating online. Mainly I want to share my experiences with the world. If my words can help anyone, even just a little bit, or make someone laugh and forget about the terrible day they had, then one of my life goals will be accomplished. if your still reading this you must be seriously bored.. Just kidding and honestly thank you to those that decided that this was worth the time. So for a little background on me and why I decided to spend my valuable (not) time putting this together. I am a serial dater. Yes I admit it. Phew, first step to quiting your problem.... Anyways, ever since I started dating at 14 years of age, (if you can call it that when your that young) I never went more than a few months without a boyfriend. At 16 I met who I thought was the man I would someday marry. 6 years later, I woke up and realized that I wasted most my young adult life being a housewife without the big shiny ring and the bragging rights. Well I lasted about 4 days before I was back on the saddle and thinking I was in love again. I of course wasnt. After that ended, I entered another long term relationship. 4 years and a hell of a lot of tears later, I ended it and here I am now. Sitting here pouring my thoughts into Tumblr, knowing full well that no one will ever read this. But im doing this not just for others. Im mainly doing it for me. I made a New Years resolution to stay single all year. Theres been a few hiccups over the first month of the year, but so far still single. Its important to prove to myself that I do not need to be tied down, that I can be my own person and do things without a MAN. ( For clarification, I am in no way shape or form a feminist) Every woman should be comfortable with who they are, and shouldnt have to rely constantly on the male species. Dont get me wrong, I love guys! Who doesnt? Their manly smell, their muscles and of course the all important Penis. Although I enjoy the company and presence of a man, I also want to get down to the real nitty gritty, the foundation that is me. I need answers to important questions like : Who am I? What can I accomplish on my own? And most importantly, What talents do I have to share that will leave my own personal mark on humanity? No answers yet, but eh, its only been a month. Now to get down to the good stuff: Online dating. Ive dabbled for a few years with it. I learned a lot, and not always the easy way. Nonetheless, I would like to leave some imparting (and possibly humorous) words of wisdom. Over the time ive spent online, browsing through guys like a damn Ikea catalouge, I have come to the realization that NO ONE IS EVER AS THEY SEEM. No, dont argue. I do not care if youve added them on facebook and stalked them on Snapchat. CAMERAS CAN LIE. I dont care if he looks like Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg had a wacky (albeit ingenious) science experiment and they had a devestatingly handsome baby. Keep in mind filters and angles can make just about anyone look good. That goes for both men and women. Yes ladies im talking about you. If you arent comfortable enough with yourself to let a stranger see the real you, then how do you expect to truly find someone who loves you for you? I am not completely heartless, nor am I a virgin to using a snapchat filter a time or two (or five) but there are ways to keep it real and get away with it. You may be wondering why I brought this up? Heres why: I have had more than once, met some one online, thought they were handsome in their photos,(Yes photos can be altered, but I always look at all photos. They may not show the real guy behind the profile, but there is always a lot you can infer from their pictures. but i will touch bac on that at another time.) Back to my story, I usually am very good at picking out the phonies from the real. Like I said earlier, ive got some experience in this area. So the other day im bored talking to people online and this one guy hits me up wanting to hang out. He was super sweet and his pics werent too bad so I decided to roll with it and take him up on his offer. We talked for a week and to me thats better than most guys who just send a HEY and then ask for nudes. He came to pick me up and when i met him in person I was a little bit dissapointed that his pictures online didnt seem to really look like him too much. But im not shallow so I decided to give him a chance. He was a sweetheart and absolute gentleman, but i just wasnt attracted to him. If theres no chemistry, theres no chemistry. Plain and simple. Cant force it. Anyways, two hours later he dropped me off at home (we just sat and talked the whole time.) Overall i enjoyed the experience but in the back of my mind I knew he wasnt what i was looking for. Not that i know what that is, but maybe someday ill find that story book romance. The kind that takes your breath away and covers your skin with goosepimples. (meh, a girl can dream right?) The sad part is that i considered myself almost a pro at weeding out the guys who i know are a waste of time and those who arent. I had kissed more than my fair share of toads. Like the first time i tried online dating... (Hilarious flashback) I had just started out on this dating app, after getting my heart handed to me extra well done, and i obviously had no clue what i was doing. this kid(i think he lied about his age cause i thought he was 21 or 22, but in person he looked 12) starts chatting with me. We find out that we both liked to smoke and he seemed cool. He wanted to meet and i was lonely and depressed enough that i agreed to let him come over. His profile pics made him look like a redheaded justin beiber and i thought to myself, now brittany, youve never ever had good luck with redheads. But i chose to ignore that side of the brain. He called me unable to find the address so i met him outside. He got out of his car and lets just say, Justin Beiber? not even close. The kid knew that if he did his hair just like beibers in his photos, hed get more girls. But what he didnt realize is that if your going to use that to your advantage, maybe take the time to do it outside of just for your profile pictures. So, he asks what i would like to do, and i can already tell im not going to like this kid. Mainly because he was very indecisive, and i had to eventually tell him what we were going to do because i got tired of getting in and out of his car. So we decide to chill and smoke. My close friends know i can be a bit of a snob when it comes to marijuana. But i was born and raised in california. When your used to the best, other stuff is almost unsmokable. The entire reason i agreed to meet him may have been selfish on my part, he did say he would bring some and i hate smoking alone, so i guess i deserved what happened next. He pulls out his bag and then apologizes because he only brought a nug with him. But after i smelled it and looked at it i told him to forget it and we would smoke what i had. I could tell he was a little immature just from him trying to converse with me. It was obvious he thought this would be a hookup. He was like a teenager on prom night, bouncing around, nervous and looking for an excuse just to touch me. Of course he would be leaving disappointed. Not only was he starting to annoy me, but he brought crappy ass weed to my apartment. If you are a stoner, then you know how insulting that is. Somehow, amid his incessant chatter, a spider had made it to his face and was hanging off his nose. I couldnt stop staring at it! I wondered while he continued to talk, if he felt it at all. I was so fascinated by it i think he finally noticed and tried to slyly wipe at his nose. It took him three tries before he managed to rid himself of the arachnid. And cruelly i had wished it would bite him just so he would leave. As if my lack of effort in his one sided conversation wasnt enough of a clue that i wasnt interested, he then proceeded to sit next to me. He complimented me and then asked if he could kiss me. I didnt even reply before he leaned in and tried to toungue my closed mouth. I couldnt help it, I laughed. It was like kissing a relative. Not in an incestuous way, but in a awkward and not enjoyable in ANY way. I could tell i hurt his feelings when i pushed him away (the laughing part didnt help either) but at that point i was ready to enjoy the rest of the night with my favorite person: me. Luckily he finally got the hint and announced he was leaving because i obviously wasnt into him or having a good time... I was a little taken aback. I didnt think he could tell that i was getting fed up. I felt bad and lied to him, claiming exhaustion was the reason. Well it didnt work so he finally said he was just going to leave. I was too relieved to care. Needless to say i never talked to him again. Not that he didnt try! You would think a guy would take a hint and find someone who actually liked him. But thats what the block button is for, haha. (yes i know im heartless) And that leads us back to rule #1: Dont always expect to see the guy in the profile picture. 9 times out of 10 they took the pic when they were in highschool 5 years ago, or they angle it just right that you cant tell if theyre obese or not (again, not shallow, ive dated guys of all sizes) Or they just dont know how to take pics at all and look terrible in all of them. OR my personal fav, the guess who. (its where most of their pics are of them with other guy friends, most the time hotter friends, so you spend all this time trying to figure out which one is the actual sn: bicycleman007 or some lame shit. Only to spend the next 10 mins scrolling until i finally find an alone shot only to reveal that he wasnt the one on the left that i thought was hot. (ok this thing is getting longer than i thought. Time to wrap it up lol) One last thing that I think is just as important if not more so than rule number one: Rule #2: TRUST YOUR GUT. No exceptions, no excuses. JUST DO IT. 10 times out of 10 my gut has been right. That May be just a tad bit of an exaggeration, but seriously you will not feel guilt or regret when you follow your gut. Everytime i have followed it, I jump up in the air and do a dance because i was right and i did the right thing and felt so amazing afterward. The unfortunate times i failed to listen to that tiny inner voice, ive wanted to kick myself right in the tit. with boots on. But oh well, you live and learn and grow from it. Or vent on a blog with my absurdly long post. (just for those certain opinionated people, im not always right, everyone experiences things differently and in their own way.. this is just my experience. take it or leave it but dont be a douche about it. lol) Well thats it for now, but i will be putting more of my crazy experiences and tips for dating later. -b