#lads being lads

[pjshermann]

The true “boys will be boys” is when all FOUR of you managed to forget your keys and phones and it’s freezing outside and the best solution you and your friends (Ivy League graduates, may I add) could come up with was launching yourself off the roof ledge to break into your own apartment

[canisalbus]

The forbidden smooth Machete.

A lot of his head is just fluff, without it he's even more noodly than usual.

[panthermouthh]

“Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?”

[2facehusband]

oh, look, you're finally awake. i was wondering how long you'd be out, 'cause i can't say i measured the dosage real exactly. sorry about that.

hey, do you know where we are? c'mon, open those pretty eyes of yours and look. uh-huh, exactly. we're just at the edge of this very pretty forest, and it looks a little dark in there, doesn't it? there's probably bears in it.

no no no, hey, don't cry yet. i haven't even told you what we're doing here. see, i wanna play a game, alright? it's like hide and seek. i'm gonna untie you in just a second and let you go in there, and then i'll come looking for you! doesn't that sound fun? and because i'm feeling nice, i'll even give you a five minute head start.

(ah ah- don't be rude. what do you say when someone does something nice for you? there we go, that's a good little lamb.)

now, in the interest of being open and truthful with each other: i'm going to find you. i mean, honey, you don't even know where we are. i've been in and out of this forest my whole life. it's really a non-starter. so when i find you, i'm going to spread those pretty legs open and fuck your tight little hole until you're just screaming and crying and god, it's going to feel good. for me, mostly. but who knows? maybe you're a little more sick in the head than i thought you were. wouldn't that be interesting?

let's get you out of this rope now, hm? ready? alright, poppet. run.

[muzsmocsing]

It's insane how Pei Ming slutted his way through life and slutted it up even more once ascended, banging mortal, god, ghost, and demon alike yet he managed to be known as The God of Love. People wish STDs upon his hoe ass and STILL pray to him for luck with romance. Meanwhile one unfortunate government mandated typo and poor Feng Xin is forever known as Thick Dick Daddy 27. Like how is that fair.

[pjshermann]

#48502 of Jude being funny

their banter>>>>>>

[livelaughlovesubs]

Quick thirst before I go back to writing, I was craving something sweet

Imagine this….

Him, sitting in your lap, face buried into the crook of your neck, back bend as he meekly claws at your shoulders. Your entire focus on him and his body, on the way his fingers twitched, the way he squirmed in pleasure.

One arm is securely wrapped around him, holding him close, listening to each others heart beat. The other one feeling him up, teasing his weak spots or playing with his erotic zones. And every time you rub just slightly harder, you are met with his moans and whimpers ringing in your ears. His breath tickling your skin and his tears damping your shoulder.

And once he gets close, he whispers, “I’m yours.”

[bacchuschucklefuck]

class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)

[semisolidmind]

Does Dogday like pets?

(meanwhile me who wants to pet him so bad-)

i'd say he's the kind of fella to enjoy a good pet from someone he trusts.

[chubby-bun-bun]

anything for you, darling

If only you knew the atrocities he would commit, all in the name of his devotion to you.

tags: sylus x reader, hurt/comfort

You’re lying on your side, head nestled on his lap. Above you, you faintly hear him humming—a low, gravelly tune, his steady hand gently carding through your hair. The melody is slightly discordant, but the rich timbre of his voice makes you close your eyes, leaning subconsciously into his touch.

The party downstairs is in full swing, but you don’t feel like joining in on the fun. Odd, considering how much you’d looked forward to this event—a celebration of his recent acquisition of a coveted arms manufacturing company.

But when you went to the vanity he’d built for you for a final once-over, your excitement faltered. The dress, while breathtaking and clearly crafted with care and intention, doesn’t accentuate the places you’d hoped it would. It must be your body, you think. It just doesn’t do the dress justice.

And so, you retreated to hide away in his room.

It wasn’t long before he found you, though.

He didn’t ask why you were there. Without a word, he made his way to the bed, propped himself against the headboard, and pulled you to him.

Which brings you to this moment, lying on his lap, lulled by his crooked yet endearing lullaby as his fingers thread through your hair.

��The dress is lovely,” you murmur. “Thank you for having it made for me.”

“It looks especially lovely on you—everything does,” he replies, sincere, pulling a small, rueful smile from you.

“You don’t have to compliment me all the time, Sy,” you say, chuckling.

The hand in your hair stills. “I mean every word of praise I throw your way.”

You pat his knee gently. “I know. I just don’t want it to feel like a chore for you, is all.”

A firm but tender grip on your jaw draws your gaze up to meet his. His garnet eyes burn with intensity, pinning you in place.

“Did someone say something tonight?” he asks, tone low. The subtle threat in his inquiry sends a chill down your spine.

“No!” you stammer, a hand darting out to press against his chest. “No one said anything. I’m just…my mind’s just all over the place.”

His eyes narrow, and a thumb brushes over the corner of your mouth. “If anyone dares to say anything to you, you tell me. Do you understand?”

“Yes!” you squeak, face now thoroughly warm.

He relaxes, releasing you before resuming his ministrations in your hair.

You take a few moments to calm your racing pulse. “You should stop being so scary,” you mutter, poking at the buttons of his tailored suit.

“I’m afraid being scary comes with this line of work.”

“It sounded like you’d kill the hypothetical person who said something mean to me.”

“Sweetie, I’d burn the world for you.”

Your retort dies in your throat.

His eyes are closed again, and he’s resumed his humming. You want to call him out on his joke, but deep down, you know he means it.

“Sylus?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

You feel a gentle pat on your forehead.

“Anytime, kitten.”

[royaltea000]

he could not control the class 😔

[endeverous]

YO I MET PATRICK ON VACATION IN TORONTO WHATS UPPPPPP

he was very polite and sweet and I wished him well on their show tomorrow and then scampered off lmao

he's such a dad I can't believe he's real

[b4kuch1n]

podcast people in my phone

[winniemaywebber]

your honor I love them

video of barry and anthony doing cartwheels in the whitehouse (a sentence i never thought would be typed)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Flower Empowered.

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[mobius-m-mobius]

it's a fair question 🙃 Lokius Incorrect Quotes [12/∞]