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kushimarutentacles · 2 years ago

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So Raiga is my favorite swordsman, then Kisame, then Kushimaru, and then zabuza and the Hozuki brothers.

I think that for the time before Raiga met Ranmaru when he felt empty inside, he tried everything to fill that void. Killed people in different ways, tried different hobbies, did drugs, drank, and had sex.

I think this is how we got Buntan. While I can’t imagine him r@ping someone, I can imagine him having a one night stand or visiting a brothel. Which would be why he didn’t know about Buntan. I can see him having sex with this lady, and being like “hmm this isn’t working. On to the next thing!”

I get the image of him being really awkward, too, adding to why Bun’s mom hates him. Picture it: Raiga’s in a bar, drunk, moping to another random drunk dude about how he feels like he’s dead inside. Dude says something like “well, get yourself a woman! A good shag will fix you right up!” And raiga’s like “no cap??” And the next day attempts to seduce the first woman he sees. She probably is either thinking he’s so awkward and strange he’s cute or recognizes that he’s got the swords and agrees to sleep with him bc she doesn’t want to get zapped or stabbed. Either way, they get to a room and he’s like “okay, I’m a guy and you’re a girl and we’re naked… now what?” And she rolls her eyes and is like “ugh fine I’ll do it” and then after she falls asleep post frickle frackle he’s lying awake, staring at the ceiling like “well that didn’t work.” And just leaves. I doubt the ninja schools have a good sex Ed program so it’s possible he wasn’t even thinking about a child being a consequence.

(I know someone who was part of the Amish community that when she was 15 a boy convinced her that women couldn’t get pregnant their first time and she got pregnant and was tossed out of the community. So I think it’s a situation where he knew where babies come from but didn’t connect all the dots.)

Anyway, this man found an ailing child and, while having no experience in child care, was like “well shit I can’t NOT take you with me, can I?” And they figured out a dynamic that worked. I was a special Ed teaching assistant. Caring for children (and adults) with mobility disabilities is difficult. You add that Raiga didn’t have any classes like I did on how to care for someone like that, and it’s impressive to me that he successfully managed to not only keep Ranmaru alive, but he was THRIVING and loving life! Being a parent brought Raiga deep fulfillment, so I know DAMN WELL that if he knew Buntan existed at all, let alone that her mother at the very least mentally abused her by telling her she was worthless etc, he would have grabbed her up SO FAST and been like “look, a boy and a girl, I have a matching set!”

And as everyone knows, caring for children is expensive. Raiga figured that out pretty quickly I think. He knew he needed money, a stable place to live, and that usual Anbu level ninja work was extremely dangerous. It’s probably the only work he knew, and bc he was raised to be a murdering machine, he doesn’t think “oh well I could be a cashier at a ramen shop” like a normal person. He saw the opportunity to take over the gold mine and took it. It not only gave him the means to care for Ranmaru properly, he could safely keep him on his back at all times, and do his funerals.

I think if Tsunade would have come to the mine herself, she could’ve been like “okay, if you come the Konoha, work for me and stop the funerals, we’ll let you and Ranmaru stay together in the village.” And everything would have been fine.

TLDR: LIGHTNING MAN MAKE BRAIN GO BRRR

this is gonna be a long response so under the cut it goes!

i can't believe i've never CONCEIVED of sad drunk/druggie raiga. mix a sad boy with hallucinogens, oh noooo

i am very onboard with him not knowing the first thing about sex (him knowing it happens naked HKSNCBVNKJNGKJF that's such a good image)

IMO kiri did have sex ed, like people knew about sex and pregnancy because replacing the population was a BIG DEAL, but even so completely ignorant raiga is important to me. maybe it doesn't make sense but raiga's mind is a mess in so many ways.

imagining raiga trying TO SEDUCE A WOMAN IS SO FUNNY HDKFNGJHN he checks out a book from the library and learns about pickup lines. hey girl, nice eyes, he says. the girl just stares and he stares back because he figures she's got to say something at some point, he did the thing!

his relationship with ranmaru was a trainwreck but he did take care of that boy!!! he cooked food for him, which it didn't seem like people were doing beforehand! (it's amazing ranmaru survived long enough for raiga to pick him up--the villagers who were just like here's some cold potatoes and carrots young lad! ough the iron deficiency) so i love the thought of the mom, instead of keeping her a secret, gave buntan to raiga to raise bc she didn't care to. i feel like he would have been forced to be too responsible to go around holding funerals.

"he could safely keep him on his back at all times" you're making me think about how weird it must have been for people to see him before and after ranmaru--hey buddy? you uh. you got a little something on your back there. do you think you need to go to the doctor?

i couldn't imagine konoha taking in a rouge nin at that point, because the protocol for rogue nin was pretty hard set, but i love the thought of them being around more >W<

and for the record, here's how I think Buntan's conception happened: her mom was a prostitute around Katabami, and Raiga's little clanmates were going to her brothel all the time so he decided to check it out. he only went once and cried afterwards, sex was so unpleasant for both him and the lady. she already hated him for being the leader of all these obnoxious men who keep coming around, but when she got wind of the funerals she was horrified. and then she found out she was pregnant and it was a no-win situation whoever the father was, but then the baby came out with the double-ringed blue eyes and it was such an oh no. she drank, she kept everything about raiga a secret other than that he was worthless because she was afraid if bun knew anything more she would really turn out like him. unfortunately this opened the door for shizuma to bamboozle her with talks about what a hero her dad secretly was and how she's carrying on his legacy. it was a trick! it was bait! run, buntan!!

Another really interesting theory to me is one made i think by forgivememadre, that raiga was in an unhappy arranged marriage in kiri!!! AGHH i conceptualize him as literally having lightning god ancestry, bc i love kiri nin being descended from spirits and other creatures, and kiri wanting to continue that lineage makes sense to me. ough.

he makes my brain go brrr too. he has a permanent apartment in there -w-

#raiga kurosuki #buntan kurosuki #the seven swordsmen of the mist #kirigakure #naruto meta #kiri meta #pregnancy tw #forced pregnancy tw #rape tw

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ashawotte · 3 years ago

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Kushimaru’s outfit looks really comfy ngl. Like just imagine how comfortable that would be, it looks like he is wearing a onesie. The other ninja’s from the mist truly look like they enjoy their comfortable outfits to.

I have no idea why but recently I have been really wanting to draw him and the other Naruto characters. I think I am gonna keep up and draw them now along with the others I draw.

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askthemist · 5 years ago

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Case File #96: "Emperor Geese"

"The Emperor Geese were a "Presumed-to-be" extinct species of geese that were apparently so aggressive that they were the closest thing to a living dinosaur possibly imagine. This creature was an animal no bigger than a large pig, it had red, black, dark blue and grey plumage, it had a crown like crest that was also part of it's bill and had a stare of death so potent, it was rumored even a tailed beast would steer clear of one. Legend has it, the meat of this goose was so gamaey that it was impossible to eat and was so dry of fat that it would basically be thick leather if you cooked it. An animal that you can't eat, hard to kill and aggressive beyond naturally animal behavior... truly something only put on this earth to punish humanity for all it's sins...."

"Anyway, a very expressive client from the Grass Village came to us to find his.....pet....while this was going on. People around the village started seeing a "big fucking duck", the "BFD" as we had been calling it kept uprooting crops, stealing random items, attacking everything that moves and raping the local water fowl....yes.... apparently Kiri told me ducks rape each other much like humans do.........I... honestly have no idea what to do with this information..... anyway, this BFD has been causing more harm to the village than any threat so far."

" After.....a whole....three....years.....we finally caught it....at least I'd like to believe we did but the client was visiting to check up on any updates on his pet and brought his daughter along.... I assume he probably hates his kid if he wanted to bring her here....anyway...........so the kid was probably just as annoying as a other spoiled rich child. The fucking kid decided to just run off because she saw a rabbit....that day will haunt me until the day I rot.... because I heard a FUCKING ROAR, a child shout and most of the anbu came to find....that fucking huge duck....WAS A MALE EMPEROR GOOSE....and was playing with the kid like a dog."

"turns out the cheap bastard didn't give us a proper description of his missing animal and apparently owns one of the last few emperor geese. On first inspection, the goose attacks everyone but this little girl, apparently they bonded somehow. Lucky, he paid his full bounty, and I promptly told him to fucking leave."

-kushimaru

#kirigakure #kiri culture #kiri invasive species #emperor goose #case files

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greekbros · 6 years ago

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Silly headcanons

-literally everyone in Kirigakure knows you're supposed to eat mochi.... Except Zabuza. One time when he and Haku was at a seasonal festival, Haku was able to steal some mochi for himself and Zabuza. This was literally Zabuza's first time eating mochi....in his life....so as Haku was happily eating his, Zabuza took one nibble and kept chewing that piece for a few for a considerably long time. He just kept chewing, and chewing... And chewing trying to comprehend what the actual fuck he was eating. After that he just kind of held onto his nibbled mochi for a very long time....just absolutely horrified...at the gooy thing everyone ate. He has eaten literally the worst things imaginable but he just can't comprehend mochi.

-jinpachi does has ALOT of incriminating items that over the years have been involved with ships and boats that have sunken that were used for trafficking....soooo has personal belongings, documents, pieces of those boats, boxes ect.....the only people who know about...maybe a quarter of his stuff is kushimaru and Jinin. Kushimaru knows because occasionally he has drop in to make sure Jinpachi didn't die of alcohol poisoning and Jinin and one point had to invest some lost items from a shipping cart that sank days prior.

-Fuguki genuinely thinks he's good enough to attract most women. Ironically, he actually cleans up extremely well after himself and he can almost present himself as regal in certain occasions... That is until the rest of the swordsman cramp his style on purpose.

#kiri culture #kirigakure #kushimaru #jinpachi #fuguki #zabuza #haku #kiri headcanon

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not-so-terrible · 7 years ago

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headcanons meme: kisame+childhood

Content warning: Kirigakure and all the mess that comes with it

Just as the Second Shinobi War begins, Kisame is one of the three young trainees Jinin takes under his wing; he claims it was pure pragmatism, as he was already staying behind to forge more weapons, but few believe it. Some of Kisame’s earliest memories are in that forge, jumping around the walls and playfighting with Ameyuri and Zabuza with pokers as the older swordsmen complained about trouble at the iron mines just over the border. Later, with the youngest, Zabuza, instead looking up to Kushimaru as a big brother, Kisame grows close to Ameyuri, four years his senior. He thinks of her as the closest thing he’s had to a sister, but then again he can’t remember much before he was brought to Kirigakure when he was three. At the very least, he felt of her as more of a sibling than his half brother - Ao was stern and indifferent at the best of times, and a major part of Kisame’s countdown to when he graduated and could move into the swordsmen’s tower instead. He imagines Ao would be relieved too, he’d always told him off for talking too much about things of limited importance. Ao isn’t from his clan, not really. Even Kisame can only name three members, the founding generations who wielded Samehada and forged the swordsmen. After the founder’s grandson had left what would become the village, the clan had become whispers. And as for him, well….the Hoshigaki were all tall and muscular, with gills, jagged teeth and more power than they should have. People who looked at him as if he were another story entirely, one whispered over campfire as pitchforks were sharpened. Monster stories, changeling tales.

Born in March, he’s one of the youngest in his class, despite dwarfing his classmates. Perhaps that’s why his teachers talk down to him, even as he grows to met their eyes - they expect more. To his disappointment, they pull him out of both cypher and anatomy courses and into the offensive stream early on. Ao is satisfied, despite his own specialty in the field - what need does a fighter have to think? Kirigakure conditioning starts early - fishing, hunting, and underwater obstacle courses from first year, real swords from the second. His third year is going well - it’s almost to summer break and no one has drowned this semester, and they’re allowed to carry their swords outside the training room they call the kiddie pool. All the students are given a clutch of eggs and permission to compete in their first taste of Kiri blood sports. They raise the roosters and set them against each other. Between fights, Kisame keeps he built in a corner of his bedroom, trying to use what little he was taught in medical classes. The constant clucking is a nice change, especially with academy curriculum overriding Ao’s strict no pets rule. Ameyuri had mentioned the fourth years move up to two puppies. For some reason it makes him more nervous than excited.

He tries to get more advice from Ameyuri on the new curriculam Yagura just brought in with the end of the war, but she stays silent, and pushes him harder in training. Later, as she calls for break, he goes to check the bitemarks on his dog’s ears - she seemed to be recovering okay, and putting on weight now she had more food to herself. He wonders if he can talk any of the swordsmen into caring for her once he graduates - Ameyuri seems to be getting more time off missions.

Kisame graduates years later. It is not his first kill - it is not even the first Kiri comrade he has killed. That was years ago, back when Zabuza was little more than a toddler. One of the other trainees had gotten ideas from Jinpachi and Kushimaru’s quick, bloody advancement among the swordsmen, and spent a little two long preparing Jinin’s food. It had taken hours for the three of them to clean up the blood.

Kirigakure doesn’t have teams, at least not in the way they hear Konoha do. He’s mentored by Fuguki, though after knowing him since he was a child as a senior trainee, he can’t manage a ‘sensei’ - ‘sempai’ will have to do.

The next year, the next war starts. They hear Konoha is sending out an extra four hundred shinobi a year, and suddenly that is unsettling rather than reassuring. Some hold back complaints and are never seen again, but he can see their points. They’d been allied with Konoha through the previous wars, Kiri and Kumo both. But Konoha had few allies left they hadn’t annexed, especially after what they’ve left of their allies in the last war. One of the latest members to the third caste, new from the far western coast, had hinted Sunagakure might stand with them, desperate as they are; even after months, their kage is nowhere to be seen.

He’s not sure if Ameyuri fell sick suddenly, or if he hid from it. She’s strong, the strongest they have for the future, but she’s growing weaker, weaker by the day. One night when the swordsmen argue over what to do with her, he sneaks to her with a warning. If she can even match one of them in a fight, then she’s still worth saving. She has before….

It’s pouring rain the day she dies. He’s fairly sure the bolt of lightning hit her before Fuguki struck his final blow.

Zabuza goes missing after that - some say they saw him wandering the streets of the lower districts. Kisame thinks he should have time to get things together - it’s still another year until his graduation, though there are shinobi competing today younger than him. As Kisame prowls through the stands of the arena, listening to the whispers and looking away from stares, he starts to hear the screams. More than there should be.

There’s a boy in the centre of the field, attacking losers, attacking victors - a russet haired girl turns from her dying opponent to the knife in her back as Zabuza moves onto his next target. They let Zabuza continue until noone is left standing in the arena, then go to collect those still breathing. The girl catches his eye on the way out - green eyes, Iwagakure eyes, he’s been told. She would be as old as Zabuza, if she survives the night.

Kisame can’t help but think Yagura seems to be more willing to learn from allies than enemies. He’d be killed for saying it, probably even for thinking it, but he is not expected to either think or speak. Fuguki sends him and two other graduates from his year to bring back a delegate from the capital. The eastern half of the country had grown increasingly fearful of them over the years as they’d pushed back their borders to mine more iron, but the capital had quickly swayed from the seperation. But the only passage between the two cities was a river from the peak of the mountains at the country’s heart, four miles wide and carved out between mountains where archers watched the shinobi pass. He’d heard one of the gang of cronies Zabuza had picked up this year, Gengo, he thinks, call it a deathtrap - a boat would never match a shinobi’s speed in urgency or attack, too cold to swim through but too long to walk over.

By the second day, one of his teammates, the boy, is slowly sinking deeper into the water with every step. On the third day, Kisame and the girl huddle shivering on rocks in the centre of the river, high in the mountains. She’d been strong enough to walk, but not strong enough to stop their teammate from trying to pull her under when he had slipped and begun to flail in panicked exhaustion. The squad of bandits after them will be on them by morning, but she is tired, so tired, and she’s finally managed to stop shaking….. Later, Kisame can’t help but remember that long before dawn arrived, she’d seemed almost blue.

When Fuguki finds Kisame and their client, he’s still sitting by the edge of the river, gazing back. Fuguki quietly walks over and places a flak jacket on his shoulders - now you understand, he says. He tells him to rest - the next fleet of ships to the western front leaves in two days, and they need more chunin in their siege of the Wind capital.

The whispers continue about him when he reaches shore, aided by that of the Rivers civilians who give them refuge. The girl is there - it had been her grandparents who had been Iwa shinobi, but caution remained. They had hoped they would never have to rely on her abilities, so she waits at the barracks they build into the shallows along the coast. But each returning platoon grows smaller, and its shinobi grow younger - Kisame waves to her as he returns again, surprised that either of them are alive. Two platoons head out tomorrow - one led by him, one led by Zabuza. Kisame claims it is pragmatism that led him to request Mei on his team, and he tries to believe it. She is strong, and it would be a pity if she and Zabuza killed each other. And he’s seen how she’s grown with the other soldiers here - he’s still not sure if she’ll be able to lead them, but she wants to, and they only hate her as much as they hate him, so that’s a start.

He doesn’t want to lead. They have not trained him to lead.

They have not wanted him to think. They expect only one decision from his leadership, they want only one decision from his leadership.

And for a while, in the open plains far from the village he tells himself he still fights for, he doesn’t have to.

#wtf this was meant to be dot points #but i had his backstory planned anyway so it got a little out of hand #pretty much an overview from my first half of his headcanon backstory #from around 5 to 13 #it gets worse #kisame hoshigaki #my fic #mei #zabuza #ameyuri #jas writes

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askthemist · 4 years ago

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"that's why we forced him to work in the academy, apparently his patience for children is as admirable as one can imagine....that....and we told every academy student what Zabuza did during his graduation and if they don't study hard enough, Zabuza will have to put them out to pasture"

-kushimaru

It was really respectful of Zabuza to wait until Team 7 finished their improptu lesson on the sharingan before attacking. You can tell he really believes in a proper education.

#GHAHAHAHAHAHAH #Best prank ever #....that has lasted for.....6 yrs #Zabuza #shinobi shitpost

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legends-of-kirigakure · 7 years ago

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Did Zabuza (and Zabuza’s brat) ever come back to Kiri?

“Hmmm....ah yes, a few years after his failed coup d'etat, he came back with Haku, a very precarious young shinobi who I must be honest...I thought was one of those demonic hermaphrodite spirits that eats people’s souls or something...mostly because I could hardly believe Zabuza would be...compassionate about anyone else other than him. At the time I had no idea why would Zabuza give such a letter of recommendation to what I thought was either a little demon or a registered student from the academy. He told me the Haku’s story and I couldn’t help but accept his request....honesty...I did it to see if Yagura would notice at any point or at least anger him a little. Never would I imagine actually being please with Haku’s progress with us...in fact I’m actually halfway grateful for Zabuza bringing him here as an exemplary ninja...and halfway regretful because the boy is a carbon copy of everything that Zabuza is if not worse. That boy has a mouth to make even the most deprived individual blush and he has NO respect for my authority....”-Admin Kushimaru

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suvidrache · 1 year ago

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Kushimaru With Kids

age in bio when interacting. minors do not interact.

Word Count: 256 / Read it on AO3 | Offline Version

He's still offended by how he still hasn't been given anything for having to deal with the problems the child caused you.

So the child caused you problems before it was born. Now it's still causing problems??

Who's idea was this?

Wait no, you said you'd love to have kids.

You said it'd be great.

It's not great and you're complaining!

Can he teach the child a lesson on respecting you?

No.

But then it won't cause problems??

You have a headache because of the child's crying?

He'll give the child something to cry about.

No no no no no, you must be kind and loving to the child.

....

He would need help in learning what to do and once he has it down he'd be ok.

Would disappear for long periods before returning. Also, are you sure you don't want the child to be taught a lesson? I mean, he's ok with that.

No. Oh, ok. He's holding a grudge against the kid for all of these problems and him not getting anything for having to deal with them.

If the kid kills someone and takes their weapon or something and gives it to him. He'd be a lot less angry about having to deal with them.

After the second kid, he'd definitely be a lot less angry and just realize this is a part of life that he just has to deal with and get over.

Would also be more supportive and there for you, would still disappear but would be home more often.

Tag List: @eli-chris / Join my tag list here!

#kushimaru x reader #kushimaru imagine #kushimaru kuriarare #kushimaru headcanons #kushimaru scenario #naruto kushimaru #kushimaru kuriarare x reader #kushimaru kuriarare scenario #kushimaru kuriarare headcanons #kushimaru kuriarare imagine

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askthemist · 5 years ago

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TRAINING GONE WRONG

Jinin: *lines up the younger swordsmen* "alright, as we all know appearances matter alot in battle, but it's not just baring your teeth that will get you anywhere*

*Zabuza, kushimaru, Kisame, raiga, Jinpachi sitting on the floor like a group of kids*

Jinin: "you must assure that when fight, you bite...hard...so in case you morons try biting on your first try and lose all your teeth...." *Throws each swordsman a dog's chew toy*

Zabuza: *stares at it*

Kisame: *is kinda getting the point but is a little confused*

Kushimaru: *under his mask he's giving the most srpelo face imaginable*

Raiga: "....um...what ever this is...it smells like it's used."

Jinpachi: *ready squeaking away*

Jinin: "your teeth training begins now. Chew on this to build up muscle and resistance. Now go."

*hours later as revenge, Zabuza and Kushimaru collectively told every academy student to chew on a dog toy to train their teeth out of spite and lack of human decency*

*SQUEAKING INFINITES*

*literally the whole village's sound pollution is just squeaks and people yelling*

*at Yagura's office*

Yagura: "WHO IS THE IMBECILE WHO THOUGHT SQUEAKY TOYS SHOULD BE LEGAL!!?!?!*

Kushimaru: *with the chew toy taped to his mask* "well frankly you did sir."

Yagura: "AND YOU! *points at jinin* IF YOU WEREN'T OUR MOST DECORATED WAR VETERAN I WOULD HAVE YOU EXECUTED FOR THIS!!!!"

Jinin: *has already stuffed cotton in his ears, he smiles knowing that he's finally gotten revenge for not getting back his veterans benefits*

#seven swordsmen of the mist #kiri shinobi #kirigakure #jinin

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askthemist · 5 years ago

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"the shear idea of Chojuro of all people holding nunchucks of all things is probably the most horrifying thing imaginable."

-kushimaru

Can you edit haku's head on Julian head from the trailer Park boys? Also do the same with suigestsu on Ricky and Chojuro on bubbles? It doesn't have to be a specific imagine just one thing sums them all up.

I’m not sure what I created but I hope it works for you!

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askthemist · 5 years ago

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"Why we come up with secret identities 3 DAY BEFORE THE MISSION"

"Honestly there's nothing worse than nearly blowing everyone's cover during a mission because you suck at the basic principle of acting. I had a mission at one point with Kisame and Zabuza a few years ago. It was part of some horrible excuse to "exchange students" for a few missions, anyway, by the age of 12 I was the perfect example of a spy and I'd go to a variety of places in different disguises using various identities....Kisame and Zabuza were morons back then..."

"On our first mission, Kisame bring out his "new identity" card so we could do a student spy mission in the Grass village. He brought out a shitty card with a name...Hashirama.....it was just the first name....me and Zabuza yelled at him for three hours because this was fours before our mission was about to start. Kisame said that it wasn't going to be a problem since lot of kids were named after legendary ninja at the time.....that is... legendary ninja of THEIR VILLAGES...Kisame named himself after the enemy village's fucking first kage....at the time the Grass Village and the Leaf were serious enemies back then...we were supposed to disguise ourselves as regular grass villagers...fucking moron. I told him his new name for the mission was Bakaton.... because fuck him and his stupid theory."

"But Zabuza...ooooooh did he do it far worse than I could imagine. He didn't come up with jackshit....until we were full on talking to a patrolling grass villager ninja...he asked what was zabuza's name.....he answered Momotaro.....he not only used the name of a fairytale icon that LITERALLY EVERYONE KNOW OF....but it was closer then skin to his last name.....the dumbass villager took the bait and I didn't talk to him for the rest of the mission in hopes he'd get killed if I ignored him."

"oh how I LOATHE bad acting."

-kushimaru

#kushimaru #kiri au #acadamy days #bitches get stitches

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