#konoha ain't shit

[bl00dalchemist]

things that have been stuck in my head

[yowyowyaoi]

Itachi's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Kakuzu

Won't be as effective if you don't get some damn sleep.

You need to stay off of it for at least a week. I'll explain to Nagato.

How you choose to live (and die) is your own business.

Well tell him to take it easy with you. Your stamina isn't up for "extracurricular activities" like that, brat.

I'm aware. I'll deal with him later.

If you don't wish to pay it then use a candle instead of that lamp.

Once again, GO TO BED.

Your sweets consumption is appalling.

Of the three of you, I'm not sure which one worries me more. Four counting Tobi.

A gengetsu where all I have to do is sit still and money flies into my lap. Birthday present.

Your worst is likely STILL superior to his "best".

Rent is due. Utilities as well.

From Sasori

I swear your stubbornness rivals even that of Deidara's sometimes.

I'm working on a new remedy that should still the pain for much longer periods of time.

If you don't take better care of it I'll be forced to amputate. And as a warning, once I start with body modifications I find it very, very hard to stop.

SLEEP.

With as bad as your breathing sounds? The enemy would hear you coming from a mile away!

Eternal doesn't mean eternal patience.

I told him to behave himself with you or I'll take away his clay.

I wish I could help more. I truly do, child.

My thanks for the book, I'll return it within the week.

I'll admit I've thought about it but I'm not sure the sharingan would translate as well aesthetically in wood as it does in human flesh.

From Hidan

Prove it.

Mine's shorter but it's better. Not so greasy.

You'd be healed from everything if you just prayed to Jashin!!

It's a. Fucking. Fishing pole. He has like fifty! Why's he making such a big deal out of ONE?!

I did it and I'm NOT sorry.

Shit ain't my business but really isn't he too big for your sick-ass body?

Can't even tell you man.

It's not my deal but blondie looks cute as fuck when we go. Tell him I said that and I'll cut off your balls with my scythe.

You're like a fucking vampire dude. You NEVER SLEEP!

When I tried saying it Kakuzu almost knocked my head off my damn neck.

Stop being so gay and come with us. It's not like you've got shit else to do that day!

Whatever asshole.

I would rock your fucking world and I wouldn't break your ass in half like shark-dick.

Just use your creepy eyes and put him to sleep first! All we gotta do is cut off like two inches and he'll freak so bad he'll have a heart attack!

You know what? I'm gonna lend you my Jashin bible. One you read it you'll see I'm right about everything I keep telling you!

From Zetsu

You hurt his feelings, child. He said you're the only ones left of your clan and you never wish to spend time with or even speak to him.

I can smell it coming from your pores.

Time is merely an illusion.

These trips to Konoha are proving quite lengthy ...

You should probably lay low for a bit. Kakuzu finally received the credit card bill for all of those tea and dango shops.

That's a lovely idea but I doubt ALL of us could go to one place without causing some chaos.

There is no heaven and no hell. There is simply NOW, and whatever realities we choose to create for ourselves.

I believe he's started to think of himself as being your "big brother". Could be either good or bad for you.

From Deidara

Art absolutely IS a "life necessity". Heathen.

As good as friends as two assholes can be, right?

Mine got softer since I started using the eggs. It's slimy but after it sets in, it's really great.

If I wasn't goofy about Danna and EVERY OTHER man in the world died, then maybe.

Should you really be drinking?

Maybe if you went to sleep! Fucking hell you're creepier than a vampire!

Yeah but if I DID like girls I bet I'd get more than you!

I just don't get why he wears it? He's hot as FUCK without it.

Would Kisame get mad if I asked him if he wanted to come with us to the aquarium?

Just get Konan to do it. She's nice and has soft hands.

Hidan wants to but I'd rather stay home.

Yeah I could teach you but yours wouldn't explode so what's even the point??

From Konan

Thank you! I can't believe you noticed! <3

You need the fresh air, come with me for a walk.

Don't listen to him ok?

Yes and no. More so "yes".

I wish I had the time for it.

I'm almost done with that book, you have the sequel right?

It's like every single particle of dust on the road just magically finds it's way into my hair.

If you're trying to avoid back pain, I'd advise against it.

Not that I don't appreciate them but ... did you go out at one in the morning to pick them?

He talks too loud and I've already got a headache.

Thanks for letting me borrow it, Nagato's hair is much healthier now.

From Tobi/Obito

You think THAT was bad?? Try BATHING the son of a bitch!!

You, me, and Sasuke could do it though. It would be more powerful than any clan that ever existed.

Just because it tasted good did NOT mean you needed to eat that many in one sitting!

I applaud the idea but with as weak as you are right now I don't see how it could work.

He's taller than you now. Still with the short hair though.

I can see I was wrong in criticizing Fugaku's parenting style because you ARE a handful, little cousin.

Four hours of uninterrupted sleep would do you a world of good.

Why should I give that up?? It's absurdity to think that an UCHIHA has a PUPPET as a romantic rival!!

It gets so hot and itchy under this thing.

A vacation somewhere warm and quiet would be nice.

Your idea of atonement is even more fucked-up than mine.

No but HE said I had to.

I'm honestly surprised nobody has tried to kill him yet.

I wish it was so. I truly do.

It's loud but you have to admit it's better than being alone.

Come and eat.

Depends on what your definition of "helpful" is.

From Kisame

Did you eat something yet?

Did you get any sleep last night?

Come here, I drew you a bath with lavender oil.

Can I help that I legitimately worry over you?

Just a snack? Just so you have something in your stomach? Please?

The water is warm and gentle and I bet a swim would cheer you up.

I forgot how much energy they have, I ran myself ragged trying to keep up with them!

Then come let me brush that beautiful hair of yours.

I understand. I don't agree but I get it.

Then just let me kill them. Problem solved.

Come on, please, just one quick little nap. An hour max.

They invited us but I know you don't really like red meat so I said no.

Fortunately MY bed is VERY warm and cozy. Come and see.

It might shock you to learn that there are other foods besides dango and tea.

You shouldn't even have to ask, that was 1000% Deidara.

There are other, and perhaps more interesting, ways of building your stamina. <3

Never imagined that one day I'd want something like this, but here we are.

Is it a little one or a big one? If it's small just take a deep breath and use your shoe.

I love you as well but dammit brat you'll be the death of me for sure!

[madaras-tits]

100% agreed on the whole way naruto shippers clearly do not actually care about or like madara and sasuke. for example fucking sasusaku shippers clearly do not notice or care about how sasuke is miserable fighting for some village that ruined his life and that no one knows the truth about the uchiha massacre they just see him as some strong skinny twink bishie boi who is only nice to their precious self insert sakura they see him as a thing for sakura. don't even get me started on fucking tobirama x madara or the toxic tobirama stans in general, i have seen horrific shit of madara being violently raped by tobirama on ao3 as a punishment of his crime for "being an uchiha who hasn't been humbled". the sad thing is that i have seen crossover romance shipping fanfic that actually respects both madara and sasuke as characters (making sure they ain't OOC or stripped of their nuance/personality) and they have more chemistry with characters from different anime/manga series. both madara and sasuke deserve better from this damn fandom than just being hashirama and naruto's cute little waifus who constantly get kidnapped like Princess Peach and get pregnant with uchiha babies like a fucking Uchiha baby factory.

So real!!! I think one of the reasons why this happens sometimes is because a lot of naruto fans/shippers are very pro konoha, so anything that Madara or Sasuke do is instantly a crime against humanity to them, so in order to make their ship work they have to take their morals and issues away from Madara and Sasuke, so they "aren't evil" anymore.

Also, that last part about t*birama/madara is so true. I mean, aside the fact that Madara would never be able to forgive him for killing Izuna, Tobirama also just had zero respect for him as a person. Tobirama felt no empathy for the Uchiha, and to pretend that he would set that aside for Madara is just insane to me. It's fine as a crack ship or if you write it to be intentionally toxic (which can be fun sometimes), but just taking away all the nuance these two characters have to make them fuck??? why?? Like, with hsmd I atleast understand where people are coming from, childhood friends trope and all, but what is the appeal of tobimada? No one who actually likes Madara would be able to ship tobimada, and no one who actually likes Sasuke would be able to ship sasusaku.

Madara and Sasuke definitely deserved sooo much better, they deserved loving people who actually respected them and their dreams (and no hsrm did not respect mdr's dreams while he was still in the village let's not play pretend).

[oh-no-its-bird]

Just wanted to say I adore all your au's but the idea of Tora and Shisui are sending me my two favorite boys interacting

They'd be so fun together!! I honestly think they'd have really good chemistry

I see them as one of those dynamics where people take turns looking at them and going "oh ok so HE'S the sane one, right?" but switching who they're talking about depending on the hour of the day. (The catch is neither of them is normal they're just so good at acting it that they've managed to trick even themselves)

They have to take turns being in charge in the trio with Itachi bc if either one of them is left in charge for long periods of time it inevitably goes to shit

They have a lot of genuine respect for each other (which is somewhat rare coming from Tora, who, while gives a lot of surface level respect to people bc ettiquite, doesn't actually tend to really respect a lot of people)

They have the perfect personalities to play off eachother as the "straight man" and point out when the other is being insane or just plain weird

Meanwhile, Itachi is looking at their individual crazy going "this is a perfectly normal idea told by two perfectly normal upstanding members of the community and I have no issues with anything u are saying right now"

<- which also makes Itachi the perfect tie breaker/in-between for them bc he is blind to any crazy they may say and will take them very seriously no matter how stupid or outlandish the idea proposed

I think Tora existing and kind of dragging Shisui into this dual partnership for "who's in charge" between the three of them also eases a lot of stress off of Itachi. He just has to sit there and eat his applesauce in the back seat of the car as Tora and Shisui argue ab how to take care of any given problem and occasionally ask if he has any ideas.

Personal take here: I don't think Itachi likes being in charge! That boy is a born, built, and bred shinobi who follows what he is told to a perfect T, no matter how blatantly horrifically awful the order is! Even if hates it with all of his heart! He'll still fucking do it! And then only blame himself for it and not the guy who fucking ordered it! Because he'll still obey that guy after!

Which also adds another fun layer of irony bc hes supposed to be clan head one day!

To me, Itachi is a fascinating subject of having an unshakable, unbreakable iron will— and also having absoloutley no spine

To be fair tho was also like. Fuckin 13. He was fucked up and was tricked at a very, very young age and unfortunatley that one mistake came to chain him to that one specific way of thinking. If he came to grow out of that way of thinking, he'd first have to admit he'd made a mistake, which wasn't gonna happen bc it was too late for regrets.

But anyways:

With Tora here Itachi has another "voice of reason" to help steer him away from other voices who might otherwise bind him. There isn't as much pressure on only him + Shisui to here and now choose what they (and only they) will choose to do to save the entire clan or Konoha

Tora is a natural leader and quick to take charge, and Itachi is ok with that. When Itachi chooses to speak, he is listened to carefully and his opinions are taken seriously, which is all he can ask for tbh. Otherwise he's allowed to sit there and look pretty till given a nice, neatly wrapped plan approved by 2 people he can really, truly trust.

So he's doing a bit better mentally than canon

Anyways, in this AU I think Itachi should actually get to semi-retire as a shinobi and actually Sasuke gets to be clan head bc his brother ain't built for it. Plus it can play more into the stuff I was talking ab earlier about Sasuke struggling a lot more than those around him to learn different stuff (sealing especially) only to come out as one of the most terrifying in what he eventually masters.

Let the second son inherit!! Let Sasuke have a defining character moment where he decides he wants to help guide the clan, and he's forced to kind of get over his brother worship to confront Itachi to say he doesn't think he'd make the best clan head. And Itachi let's out this sigh of relief he did not know he has been holding for his entire life and tells Sasuke he's proud of him.

Fuck right sorry we were talking about Tora and Shisui let's get back to that—

They're a terrifying, hyper competent duo who are here to get shit done. I've been thinking about Tora's chakra affinities latley, thinking it's mostly wind with a weak water affinity (and boy do I have thoughts about the implications of him having lost that strong connection to water in this life but that's for a different post) so his wind moves can feed into and off of Shisui's fire for some cool combo attacks. Just them fighting together really well in general is fun to think ab tbh

Tora has a decent (honestly kind of mean) sense of humor, but when he makes jokes he says it with a totally straight face. (Itachi is similar so when they're joking with eachother no one can ever tell bc neither are even laughing about it as they banter w dead faces)

But Shisui, having grown up with Itachi, can totally tell when he's joking and thinks he's funny. He's a pretty upbeat, smiley guy, but he always seems to be laughing about something around Tora for some reason (the reason is that Tora is funny you just can't tell)

Shisui is in general just really good at reading him. He catches on to what he's thinking really fast and will sometimes react to Tora's plans before he even explains them. Or he'll see some scattered clues to something and go "Hmm. This means nothing to me but it feels like something Tora would notice, so I'll make note of it"

I think over time both Shisui and Itachi would start to make similar expressions to Tora

(I love when friends subconsciously pick up on eachothers expressions and vocabulary)

Tora catches Shisui's "I'm going to cause problems on purpose" smile and Shisui catches his in turn. Tora catches Itachi's quietly smug gleam in his eye and Itachi gets his own (very punchable) smug smirk

Funny scene where Shisui makes the exact expression Tora always makes before declaring something terrifying and Kakashi instinctivley slaps him upside the head bc of it. Shisui goes ?????? What the fuck was that for ????? As Kakashi apologizes and stares at his own hand in confusion

Tora and Shisui are a comedy duo you can't change my mind

[narhinafan]

I love glazing Naruto so I'd like to share something with those who say Sakura is physically the strongest in team 7

Naruto managed to send Sasuke flying into a wall while heavily fatigued with nonexistent chakra , most of Sakura's attacks need chakra

So base Naruto>Sakura in power skill and literally anything else , the gap between Sasuke Naruto and the rest of K11 (and Naruto verse expect Juubidara Kaguya and Hagoromo) is too massive it's not funny

Probably one punch from Naruto sweeps them all

I've seen some Sakura tards get too confident with her non existent abilities, she ain't got shit on mr golden boy

He's the strongest (stronger than Sasuke even without Kurama he still has Spsm and we saw what a Rasenshuriken from that did to Juubidara)

People severally downplay Naruto especially saku and sasu fans and infuriates me

Yes that is spsm in base Naruto still has that with all it's abilities (boil release lava release extra) Naruto is op

Naruto>Sasuke>>>>>konoha

I know anyone who says Sakura is the strongest physically has no clue how her CES works. Like base Naruto is physically one of the strongest without chakra, Sakura without CES doesn't stand a chance as where with chakra Naruto still beats her with Sage mode, KCM and Six Paths.

They don't understand that Sakura's strength has never been physical its always been done with chakra. Honestly blame the fillers from the anime which gave Sakura super strength before she got CES cause the manga was already on part 2 at the time.

[couldtransitionsaveher]

SASUKE UCHIHA from NARUTO

JUSTIFICATIONS:

"Sasuke Uchiha has to deal with some toxic masculinity from her abusive dumbass bootlicking piece of shit brother Itachi who killed his whole family (for simply...wanting more human rights?) and violently abused/tortured her when she was only 7 years old (she wasn't even 10). She suffered an abusive childhood and yet everyone won't stop throwing pity parties for Itachi the man who ruined her life because of some sad flashback between him and this guy named Shisui. Also Konoha sucks ass and the village ain't worth shit - the ANBU black ops can NOT do their fucking job even if their lives depended on it (minato and kushina died because of their incompetency), the village gets attacked 1,000,000,000,000 times, they bullied the MC Naruto for being a Jinchuriki and they are ungrateful bastards to Naruto, they massacred an ostracized clan (the Uchiha), the Hyuga side branch owns slaves, best girl Konan's village got destroyed by the Leaf Village and gave her PTSD. Sasuke made the logical decision to leave this shithole and she got hate for it. Honestly leaving Konoha and transitioning probably would've saved her imo." - Anonymous

"man, idk her brother is a dumbass bootlicker who abused her and tortured her when she was only 7 years old (she wasn't even ten!!!), her entire family was brutally murdered by her psycho brother too for simply wanting more human rights. his sensei kakashi could've been a good supportive person for her because he was friends with an uchiha back in the day and he saw some bits of himself in her - but no instead he just doesn't take her feelings seriously (which is ironic because in part 1 he's like "no sasuke revenge bad never mind the abusive childhood" but then in part 2 he's like "ok shikamaru go get revenge for asuma hypocritical much". honestly what kakashi should have said instead is something like "okay i understand you went through a shitty childhood and i'll help you get strong and kill itachi and bring justice to your parents & your clan. Don't cutoff your bonds". the worst part is fandom's recation to this, "haha kakashi put the emo punk b*itch in her place". she has to deal with toxic masculinity from her abusive brother who choked her. she also made the logical decision to leave konoha because that damn village gets attacked 100000000 times and konoha does some nasty shit (ex. destroying best girl konan's village, the hyuga clan owning slaves and child slaves (Neji's forehead was branded with the curse seal when he was only 4), the fucking hunger games *cough* *cough* I mean Chunin exams) - but she got a lot of hate for it. honestly leaving the pathetic shithole that is konoha and transitioning probably would've saved her." - Anonymous

Reminder: Submissions are always open! Submit here!

[reddawnmultimuse]

@kikaichuno

Konoha was a very large village, a lot larger than Yugakure had been--or was. A maze, too. Despite going back and forth from the church a dozen times now, he got lost on his way back from his walk--or "walk" since he was in a wheelchair. Which was not a good thing since he was the church's dirty, little secret. If it was learned they dug him up from Nara Woods, they'd be in major trouble, and Hidan would go back into the hole--ok, maybe not, but Konoha--and god forbid the Nara clan--would make him wish he was.

He should've listened and waited for one of the brothers to walk with him. He shouldn't have gone so far! And if that wasn't bad enough, a rock was under one of his wheels! Except, it wasn't a rock, it was...

"Holy shit, that's a big-ass bug," Hidan said to himself as he backed up to see the "rock" was a big beetle. Just chilling in the middle of the path. That would've made a nasty crunch if he rolled over it. "Everythin's bigger in Konoha, ain't it?" He asked the beetle with no answer--obviously.

[thatwasntverycashmoneyofme]

𝗌𝗁𝗁𝗁𝗁

❥𝗌𝗇𝗂𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗍 : 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 ����𝗁𝖾𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖺𝗋𝖺 𝗎𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗁𝖺’𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝖾𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 (𝗌𝗆𝗎𝗍)

{ 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 — 𝖻𝗅𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝖼𝗈𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝖾𝗆𝖺𝗅𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗒 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 (𝗉𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗌𝖾/𝖽𝖾𝗀𝗋𝖺𝖽𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇), 𝗋𝗂𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝖻𝖺𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗆 𝗌𝖾𝗑, 𝖽𝗈𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝗉𝗏 𝗉𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. }

"damn could you shut the fuck up; if one my brothers find out, that's your ass~" you breathily gasp as hands gripped you by the waist.

  "ahh f-fuck i can't help it y-you're grinding so good on me" he let out loud moan once again. your brothers are football champs in college so they know a lot of people and get invited to a lot of parties also throwing some which led up to this current situation-

the madara uchiha, star center player, under you— face flushed and hands gripping onto the soft of your brown skin, whimpering for you to give him the raw friction he craved, while in a bathroom of a college party specifically your brothers'

you placed a hand over his mouth and stopped your grinding causing him to let out an exasperated groan. "who would've thought- that one of the big bad star players of the konoha state football team be under lil chubby ol' me hmm~"

you continued to taunt him "especially an uchiha, ooh what would they think if they saw you getting bitched right now? what gossip would go around on campus?" you hummed, other hand lightly pulling at his long hair

he removed your hand from his mouth pressing a kiss on the palm "w-who the fuck cares and i'll be quiet so... ride me now please~" you sucked in a breath and smiled at him sadistically as he shivered

  "fine babyboy—" you kissed his neck nipping it "I bet not hear a peep" slightly rising off of him, he unbuckled his pants letting them drop at his ankles, droopy lust filled eyes watching as you pulled your dress up revealing your naked figure

his eyes rolled back as he sunk his bottom lip into his teeth "fuck you're trying to kill me (y/n), why don't you have on any panties" you shrugged "didn't look right with the dress"

  you pumped his dick spreading the pre, aligning him with yourself sinking down on top. he whimpered out a string of curses as he gripped, once again, at your hips and rested his head in between your face and neck

  "fuck I'm trying so hard not to moan as loud as I can but damn you're squeezing me in so tight" He mumbles into your neck bottoming out his fat tip hitting your spot making you clench "ahhh~ shit d-dont do that" his dick throbbed inside of you as you licked your lips

  "lean back baby I'll make you feel real good,  just remember what I told you" your palm pressing against his chest pushing him back, he nodded his head speaking "...to be quiet?" "good boy" you smirked

———————————————

it's a good thing that the music of the party was louder than the wet slapping sounds of your pussy as it was being dragged up and down madaras dick who was barely keeping himself together

  "fuck baby you hear how wet that pussy is uggh~"  "s-shit yea baby"

  "shit you made my pussy so wet look at me creaming" "fuck yea baby creaming my dick —holding me tight"

"fuucck, this your pussy ain't it? tell me baby" "yes mama it's my pussy, all mine~, fuck it's all mine, you're about to milk me dry"

you bounced on him grabbing his face, making him look in your eyes "fuck M you look so pretty like this baby I could ride you forever" you bit your lip as he pulsed inside of you he was getting very close and so were you

  "fuck (y/n) imma cum, fu-fuck~ ima cum, can I cum?" he begged you, yelping. you rode him faster, clit brush against his pelvis causing you to get closer to your high

  "fucking—dammit I need it, I need to cum~...lemme cum" he drooled a bit as you gave him the go-ahead, thrusting up into your plush pussy, riding out his nut mumbling thanks, stopping as he let out soft moans

but, grinding onto him fast, he moaned out hugging your waist tightly "fuck I'm sensitive baby~ I'm so f-fucking sensitive~" you continued rutting against him "shit babyboy i'm almost there, you're doing so good for me baby, it's my turn now okay?"

he shuddered as you clamp down into his semi erect dick  making him let out one last stream of cum "you did so good baby now let's clean up" he nods sleepily at you as you kissed his forehead

—————————————————

you're sat on the couch in your brothers living room nursing a cold bottle of water, watching the party around you. legs tingling like tv static with a dreamy smile on your face, you couldn't care because you had no intentions of getting up

  "what's got you all giddy?" your older brother sat down next to you slumping into the couch "nothing tobi. how was your night?" "a fucking nightmare, your brother knows too many damn people and especially the ones I hate" he sulked which caused you to giggle

  "well you just never give people a chance, you'll like them once you get to know them" your other older brother hunched over the couch in between you two "tch as if" tobi said sucking his teeth

  "how are you liking the party tonight little sister?? made any new friends?? are you having fun??" he asked questions back to back making you laugh "yes the party is fine Hashi, i've made quite a few friends, and i'm having a bunch of fun"

"that's good (y/n), at least one of my little siblings is having a good time" he smiled as tobi rolled his eyes tsking out a soft 'whatever'

  "I know you haven't met all of our team members yet so let me introduce you" hashirama cheesed flagging over three boys "here's Yamato, Madara and Shika who sits the bench as a water boy. dudes this is my little sister"

you waved at them saying it was nice to meet them as you studied madaras stiff body your eyes glinted at the realization you both came to

  'I didn't know that tobirama and hashirama were her brothers'

'he didn't know that tobi and hashi were my brothers, i'm soo gonna have fun with this' you thought calling out to him as he was about to walk away

"hey pretty boy" you grinned as he points to himself, causing you to nod. "what's that on your neck?" you giggled as he paled, your brothers looking a madaras neck "wow it looks like you got laid" your oldest brother slammed his hands down on his teammates shoulder "who was the lucky lady?"

  "yea it looks like it was good, who is she?" a hint of mischief fell from your voice as you looked him up and down before staring into his eyes "i-i ran into a wall... yea a wall, that just apparently popped out of nowhere... umm I gotta go" he rushed away from the scene hearing your brother yell about 'seeing him on the field tomorrow'

you laughed as hashirama pointed his thumb in the direction the boy ran "what's wrong with him?" he questioned as you just shrugged mumbling something along the lines of 'he's your teammate' as you laughed to yourself

....oh yea you were gonna have a lot of fun.

𝗌𝗉𝖺𝗆 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝗌, 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌. 𝖣𝖮𝖭𝖳 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖺𝗅, 𝖼𝗈𝗉𝗒 𝗈𝗋 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾. ©𝖼𝗂𝗍𝗒𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝖺𝗅

[madara-fate]

tbv is officially the worst because it makes konoha the trashest village of the world. so the reason inojin and countless konoha shinobi are dying or stabbed by trees, dying in biju bomb explosions and being in direct danger without assistance is so they can erase their resources? excuse me but in which naruto arc have ninjas fought without medical back up? even the chunin exams have medics.

war arc? not only were medics extremely important, it was the first camp the enemy tried to destroy bc it was essential. pain arc? sakura and the hospital were working so hard to ensure everyone was getting attention and katsuyu saved every freaking body. when momoshiki invaded? damn konoha hospital was packed and the only shelter with sakura working none stop and all her staff.

care to tell me what's konoha's problem? I can't take this seriously how are we 10 chapters in with major deaths and no medics? I knew it wasn't looking good since sakura didn't react to her best friend dying, but now her husband and daughter are fighting to death and the writer has not thought about summoning katsuyu? please react sakura I know you ain't a robot.

excuse me but if you say that it's time for the new generation to shine... does it mean that the adults in charge of konoha can't do anything? they just gotta look? what's himawari with a baby underpowered kurama gonna share the chakra cloak? so katsuyu has to stay still bc we still haven't reached the part were himawari saves the day so no one should actually move a finger and if people die it's just plot.

how is nobody actually trying? why aren't the adults helping? this is so unserious please how can people defend this? none of the new generation kids know medical ninjutsu so care to explain how they're trying to help their village? not like they can assist on sakura's level but please.

she's so freaking necessary but she's benched so the plot can happen even though this is the 30th time konoha gets attacked and they have the resources?

it should be "ah shit here we go again" amd follow their prehistorical protocol because this ain't new fam.

so disappointed in the village.

🤷‍♂️

I'm not really as interested in trying to convince people as I used to be. So if you now consider the series to be officially the worst and you can't take it seriously anymore, then just stop following it. I haven't got much more to say on the matter.

[animeficwriter]

KonoKomi Nonsense

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Ships: Konoha Akinori/Komi Haruki.

Summary: Basically just Komi getting his shit wrecked because Konoha wanted him to get a taste of his own medicine. First tickle fic!!!!!

Warnings: Uhhh. THIS IS A TICKLE FIC! I guess it might be a bit intense for some people, so be careful with that. There is also lots of stomach tickles if that is not your thing.

Words: 964. (Not bad for my first tickle fic I suppose)

■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

~🦉~🦉~

"You are so cute, oh my god."

Komi snarls, but the feral sound lost its fright as his scowl slowly morphs into a shaky grin. Konoha looks down at his boyfriend, his own lips quirked into a soft, fond smile. He leisurely lowers his fingers towards his torso, his fingers mere centimeters above the skin. Komi shifts slightly and turns his head away, his face now dusted a light pink as his grin wobbles even more.

"Don't you fucking dahahare..." he tries to threaten, but his pink face and trembling voice immediately make him lose any sense of fright he might've had.

Konoha wiggles his fingers slightly, cooing teasingly when Komi flinches away, biting his lip in anticipation. He feints his hands downward, and Komi flinches once more, a single nervous giggle escaping before he bites his lip again, his face flushing even more from embarrassment.

"Don't fuhucking tease mehe, bitch!" He manages to choke out defiantly. "Just wait until this is over, I'm going to wreck you so bad you won't even— ahahahAHAHAHAHA!"

He shrieks in surprise as Konoha's fingers suddenly dig into his stomach, arching his back once before ultimately crashing back down onto the bed and dissolving into laughter. Konoha's previously small smile widens into a grin as he watches his boyfriend squirm and struggle as much as he can with his hands tied behind his back. "What was that, babe?" He teases. "Go on and tell me. You're gonna wreck me so bad I won't even what?"

Komi sputters, trying to stop laughing enough to form a retort (or at least a half assed apology), but Konoha is relentless, his fingers scribbling and digging carefully into the lean muscle of his belly, making sure he had no choice but to just take it and laugh.

"I... I..."

Was all he managed to say before he threw his head back against the bed, bucking and squirming as Konoha's fingers kept up their persistent assault.

It seems like an eternity before Konoha finally stops, his fingers resting gently against his belly. Komi took the opportunity to catch his breath, his chest heaving as he took in much needed gulps of air. He looks up at Konoha, his face flushed with heat and his breathing erratic.

"Yohou... son-of-a-bitch," he rasped. "That wahasn't... fair..."

Konoha just grins at him in response, simply enjoying the way Komi looks as he pulls himself together. "I never said it would be fair, Haru. I just said I would go easy."

Komi squawks indignantly. "You call that going easy? I was fucking dying!"

Konoha pokes his belly with a single finger, chucking heartedly as he recoils with a surprised laugh. "That's cause you're sensitive here. Just so ticklish on your cute little belly, ain't ya?"

Komi whines around a laugh, fidgeting restlessly as Konoha's fingers poked him ruthlessly from both sides. "Stohohop," he whimpers pitifully. "Cut it ouhuhut! You're sohoho mehehean!"

Konoha finally relents after a few more pokes, his smile wicked. "Oh, am I being mean?" He asks as he shuffles his body downward, stopping when his face is level with Komi's belly. "Am I really being mean?"

Komi's eyes widen in recognition, and he grins nervously. "Wait, no, Aki, I didn't mean it, nonohoHOHOHO!"

He presses a messy kiss against Konoha's belly, Komi wriggling and giggling as his legs flail helplessly behind Konoha's back. He nuzzles his nose along his waistline, occasionally nibbling at the soft skin. Komi just squeaks and twists again, his nerves practically on fire from the gentle action.

Suddenly, Konoha stops and looks back up at his boyfriend, pondering his breathless giggles and pleading eyes for just a moment before shrugging slightly and leaning back down, placing a loud, ticklish raspberry right onto Komi's belly button.

To say Komi laughed was an understatement, he fucking cackled.

"Aki, n-nohohoHOHO! STOHOHOP, NONONONONOHOHOHO!"

"You are so ticklish, oh my god. It's amazing." Konoha murmurs lovingly against his belly before he blows another raspberry. It gets even worse when Konoha brings his fingers back into the mix, vibrating intensely against the sides of his belly, and fuck, it tickles so bad, it's too much—

"ST-STOHOHOHOP—" he pleads, un-shed tears finally leaking from behind tightly closed eyelids. He cackles again as Konoha nips gently at the skin of his waistline, kissing a trail back up towards his belly button. "I-I'M GONNA DIHHIHIE!"

Konoha sighs deeply against his stomach, making him release a very unflattering snort, before he finally, finally, stops. "Alright, alright, I'll stop."

He sits back up, proudly surveying his hard work. Komi shudders as he gasps out a thanks, his bright red face streaked with tears and his mouth curled into a very infectious smile. He leans back down towards Komi, his heart swelling happily when he flinches away with a high-pitched giggle. He shushes him quickly, pressing a single kiss to his forehead before whispering in his ear. "Not so fun being on the receiving end is it, Haruki?"

Komi chortles as he shakes his head. "Noho, it isn't," he agrees. "Jesus fuhuhuck, you were merciless..."

Konoha's lips twitch back into that soft smile, and he gives Komi's belly one last tickle just to watch him squeal before turning him over and freeing him from his bonds. Komi groans quietly as he turns around, wrapping his arms around Konoha. Konoha just laughs as he allows himself to dragged on top of Komi.

"You were so adorable," he muses as Komi starts to aggressively spoon him. "So cute and giggly and ticklish."

"Yeah, yeah..." Komi growls softly, then he's tightening his hold on Konoha's torso and pressing mouth onto his bare collarbone. Konoha chokes on a giggle at the sudden touch.

"But not nearly as cute and giggly and ticklish as you're about to be..."

[lunaneko14]

I still remember seeing all these old comments from Sasuke stans daring to compare the GOAT Jin Kazama to the lame skinny femboy twink Sasuke. First of all, Jin ain't even that emo or edgy he's just a stoic shy reserved boi. Sasuke is way more whiny and emo than he ever could be. Sasuke is a selfish traitor who left Konoha for power while Jin wants to be with Xiaoyu and Hwoarang but is only distant because of his Devil Gene (ex. Tekken 5 where Jin lost control of his powers and Devil Jin almost killed Hwoarang). He can't control his abilites and he is scared his powers might hurt someone he cares about. Also someone from his messed up family like Kazuya could either kidnap, hurt, or kill Jin's friends. Jin also actually gives a fuck about both Hwoarang and Xiaoyu. Jin sent Xiaoyu an anonymous email warning her of Heihachi's traitorous personality, he tried to warn her about Jinpachi in Tekken 5 out of fear she'll get hurt, and Jin is supportive of her dreams of building an amusement park. Jin saved Hwoarang from being attacked by the South Korean military back in Tekken 4. Sasuke tried to kill both Naruto and Sakura multiple times, Sasuke left Sakura to raise Sarada by herself, Sasuke constantly called Sakura "annoying". It's also insulting for Sakura stans to compare their Uchiha ship fodder. Xiaoyu would never abandon her friends over her crush, she cares about her friends (Xiaoyu being supportive of Miharu in Tag 2 when Miharu broke up with her boyfriend). Sakura left behind my homegirl Ino over her crush on Sasuke. Xiaoyu also actually has a dream of building her own amusement park to make people happy, while Sakura's only goal is to chase after Sasuke. All Sakura was ever good for is being ship fodder and being shipped with every male Uchiha in the franchise. Most Sasuke stans and SasuSaku stans don't know shit about Tekken, then again they don't know anything about other characters like Vegeta or Bulma. Love your blog, hope you have a good day.

Thanks

[houseoftheanimefreak]

HAIKYUU SEXUALITY HEADCANONS

🐈‍⬛ Nekoma Edition 🐈‍⬛

Kuroo Tetsuro: Bisexual with no preference. Now obviously Kuroo likes girls somewhat (Long hair, short hair scene with Yaku) but I can see him as just not really giving a shit about whether his partner is a boy or a girl. He'll get together with a boy should he ever get a crush on one (SAWAMURA DAICHI I SAID WHAT I SAID) and be SUCH a awkward dork about it.

Kai Nobuyuki: Bisexual with no preference. Yeah I can see Kai dating a girl for a few months before getting into high school. He is very comfortable with his sexuality, but lord if pretty boys (Konoha) don't make him feel like a disaster sometimes.

Yaku Morisuke: Bisexual with a slight female preference. Has the tiniest little crush on Lev's sister. Very much likes short haired girls. Kai was the first boy he ever showed interest in. He hates the fact he secretly finds Lev hot.

Yamamoto Taketora: Pansexual. This is literally 50% vibes and 50% just wanting to ship him with some boys. He really likes pretty girls though. Surprisingly not that interested in the beauty that is Lev's sister.

Kozume Kenma: Panromantic Asexual. I'm not real sure where the panromantic part is coming from, it just feels right. The asexual part is mostly cause I don't see him being interested in anyone sexually. He just wants to play video games.

Fukunaga Shouhei: Pansexual. Unlike Kenma, I see him as pansexual simply because vibes. I feel like he wouldn't care at all about the gender, he just wants to love and be loved. I can also see him being asexual.

Inuoka Sou: Pansexual. He's just a happy guy with a big heart. He thinks girls and boys are both cute in their own ways. Definitely has a puppy crush on Shibayama. Thinks Lev is beautiful.

Teshiro Tamahiko: Gay. Yeah no it's just mostly vibes here. He just gives me the vibe that he could only like other men. Thinks Shibayama is very cute. Had a small crush on Kenma during the first few months of his first year.

Haiba Lev: Pansexual. In all honesty, I'm sure he cares little about anything outside of volleyball. But Lev is very comfortable with his sexuality thanks to his sister. Girls are nice and boys are nice too but he ain't looking for a relationship right now.

Shibayama Yuuki: Pansexual. He's very confused and nervous because everyone is very very pretty and handsome. He definitely has a crush on Inuoka.

[lilimonarch]

Doctor Hanahaki - The Memories that Never Return [5]

Doctor Hanahaki Prequel: Whumptober spinoff!

Whumptober day 5: Pinned down, "it's broken," and Lyric Prompt.

~

You better pray I don't get up this time around

Konoha was straggling through the halls, seeing a crowd gathered by the main entrance. Here he was, quite annoyed by the sudden group blocking his way. He just wanted to get to class.

This day, was not going too well so far. Morning volleyball practice felt very long and Konoha was exhausted, he was concerned he was starting to come down with something. He couldn't have that, the team needed him right now, especially with Akaashi out of the picture and Bokuto completely off his game; Konoha found himself taking on a captain role. One he never expected, but one he felt the responsibility to take.

Anyways, back to the crowd. Konoha shoved through the group to see a group of people circled around one of the boys in his class, all bruised up and clutching his eye. A fight? Konoha looked up, seeing Bokuto with his own bruise on his cheek. "Shit, Bokuto? What the hell are you doing?" He rushed into the crowd, trying to separate Bokuto from laying his hands on the other student.

"Get off me!" Bokuto thrashed, more anger in his voice that Konoha had ever seen. "This bitch was making fun of Akaashi! Calling him pathetic!" Bokuto, while trying to free himself, hit Konoha right in the nose before heading right back to his victim.

"Well, ain't it silly? Flowers stuck in his throat, that sounds stupid?"

"You shut up! Never call Akaashi stupid EVER!"

The fight continued as teachers and Konoha continued to try and separate the two from each other, Konoha also being hit while in the crossfire. People gathered around, recorded and gossiped, and watched Bokuto, a star volleyball player beat the ever-loving hell out of the other student. "Bo, come on!" Konoha managed to pin Bokuto to the ground with the help of one of the teachers, the student being dragged away by the other.

"You better hope I don't run into you again. You hear me!? You better pray I don't get up within the next few seconds," Bokuto glared and sighed as he simply lay on the ground, his eyes moving to Konoha as the adrenaline died down and the crowd filed away.

"That was stupid, Bo." Konoha shook his head, slowly letting go of Bokuto as he clutched his nose. God, that hurt. "Real stupid, no way coach is letting you into practice."

Bokuto shrugged his shoulders and sat up, rubbing his cheek from where a hit landed. "Yeah... but I had to defend 'Kaashi's honor. You know he'd appreciate it-"

"He'd also appreciate you not getting into trouble." Konoha nodded, slowly getting up but wincing in pain. God his nose hurt incredibly badly, and he felt the dripping of crimson liquid reaching his lip. "God, Bo. You really did a number on me too."

The teacher staying with the two for the first time in minutes looked at Konoha, his face etching into concern. "Yikes, it looks broken. Let's get that checked out, yeah?"

Bokuto suddenly appeared incredibly worried. "Oh god, Konoha! Did I do that? I'm so sorry, does it hurt?"

Konoha covered his face with his hands, trying to relieve the pain in his head and nose now too. "Of course it does, Bokuto."

[reddawnmultimuse]

Truth, did she? Sasori was awed since he reckoned Sarada would've told a tale where Sasori was the bad guy. Not to say he wasn't but for once in his goddamned life, he was innocent. Though, his bastard-like ways had ended him up like this. So, he had no one to blame but himself--not that he was, however.

"I'm fine. Just a headache an' my fuckin' eye," Sasori grumbled and punched himself in the side of the head, causing the prosthetic eye to swivel in its socket but the vision stayed black. He could never get the damnable thing to function correctly but he was too lazy to find a proper replacement. All he succeeded in doing was worsening his migraine. He was going to have to suck on a handful of ibuprofen to cure it.

For once, Sasori listened as Sakura spoke, only because he was too tired to leave or interrupt. He too had no idea Sarada had overheard their fighting. And for that, Sasori would apologize. Whenever he started on Sakura, he never did it front of the children so they didn't hear that shit. He was a bastard but a bastard with morals. But, obviously, he failed. She wasn't taking it well, either too.

Sasori had witnessed firsthand how destructive such anger was. His own godson had a long history of it due to bullying, cited by his mother. It wasn't so bad until he awakened the Sharingan. Then, all of a sudden, he didn't just have the capability of seriously hurting someone, but killing them too. That's why he had to be sent to Konoha for chakra training. And now, he was seeing a replay of such rage through Sarada too. And Sasori had himself to blame.

And the twins...would they go through the same anger once they understood what was being said and how their own father treated their mother? Sakura was correct, this had to stop. They could go on hating each other but they couldn't do it in front of the children and fuck them up like they were fucked up. Something, something, generational trauma and ending the cycle.

Speaking of the devil, Sakura finally got to inquiring on Sasori's godson and his obvious Uchiha heritage. Sarada must've told her what she saw when he used the Sharingan on her.

"It wasn't my position to tell ya he was a Uchiha, woman. It's a dirty secret between me an' his mum. And he ain't her half-brother either," Sasori finally clarified, massaging the socket around his fake eye as it twinged uncomfortably. "He's her cousin." He wasn't going to elaborate past that. Sakura was an intelligent woman so he didn't put it past her to figure it out herself.

"It don't matter. After today, his mum is probably gonna send him back home. So don't be goin' an' plannin' no 'family reunion' shite," Sighing, Sasori looked at Sakura with a tired expression. He was too old for this. "Tell Sarada I'm sorry." He said nothing else.

Instead, navigating past the woman to the couch so he could lay down and sleep off the rock concert playing in his skull.

Sakura was really not ready for Sasori to return home. She could already feel him throwing a tantrum. Her focus was on comforting Sarada until the door opened with Sasori standing there. Sakura gently patted Sarada’s shoulder, “Let the adult talk for a moment, I’ll come check on you in a little while.” Sarada sat up and nodded, not looking Sasori’s way as she ran off to her room. 

With a deep breath, Sakura stood up, she didn’t look mad, or ready to yell at him. Just sad and tired, “The truth. She shouldn’t have done that… Are you hurt? Headache? Busted eardrums? Can’t do anything about your puppet parts but I can ease the pain of your human parts if you’ll let me.” She didn’t reach for him, still a bit traumatized by the hurtful things he said to her a few nights ago,

“I had no idea she was aware of our bickering, or the fact that you hate me. I thought I did a good job keeping our fighting out of the sight of the kids.” It was easy to do so with the twins. They were babies. They didn’t know what was going on. But Sarada wasn’t a baby. She must have overheard things when Sakura thought she was asleep, “She should have come to me first instead of attacking you… I will have a conversation with her later about that but…” Sakura trailed off with a small sigh,

“We can’t do this anymore. This bickering thing. If it’s destroying Sarada now, imagine what it’s going to do to the twins when they’re old enough to become aware of it? They love us and I doubt they would want to see their parents at each other’s throats all the time. I’m not putting the entire blame on you, I’m just as guilty picking fights with you, and arguing back.”

Sakura was trying hard to have a civil conversation with him. She wasn’t pinning the blame on him. The blame was on both of them. 

“No matter how much you annoy me, or hurt my feelings, I’m not going to pick fights with you anymore. I didn’t realize the damage we were causing to ourselves and the kids. This is… No way for anyone to live.”

Sakura was tired. Wanted to cry. Wanted to drown her guilt in a bottle of some alcohol but that wasn’t a very mature thing to do. She just felt so defeated. There was nothing she wanted more than to be a good mother and she just wasn’t being one…

“If you wish to continue to hate me, and belittle me, so be it but this is a promise, I’m not going to argue back anymore, nor pick fights. I have to think of what is best for my kids, and fighting all the time isn’t something that will help them.” Rubbing her hands over her face, she let out a sigh, she had one more thing she had to get out,

“Why didn’t you tell me your godson was an Uchiha? Sarada had family out there and I never knew… Is he really Sasuke’s or–?” What other Uchiha was there? It wouldn’t surprise her if it was Sasuke’s kid, it didn't break her heart any less. She just really wasn’t deserving of love. That’s why she was stuck with Sasori. To be reminded over and over again why she wasn’t deserving of love. If she didn’t have her kids, she would have killed herself a long time ago. Just do the world a favor. 

Not once did Sakura raise her voice at Sasori, or spat any insults at him, or blame him for anything. She took as much responsibility for things. She just really hoped Sasori didn’t find some way of twisting things so he could justify yelling at her, or being spiteful.

[narhinafan]

People in the Boruto fandom only use Salad as a shipping character. Most of them want her to end up with Boruto, and some (very little) want her to end up with someone else. They say, "oh, BSA's already confirmed, Kishi's in love with Sarada, that's why she's so pretty," but we all know how Kishi feels.

Salad's become a shipping foddler like her useless mother.

Even in Two Blue Vortex, the very first chapter, Salad needs saving, and because she was useless, Boruto had to save her, yet again. And people took that romantically, yet again.

They say that BSA's canon because Salad gain a new power because of Boruto and Boruto lost and eye for her. And they were fawning over how Boruto swooped in to save his princess Uchiha in Boruto Two Blue Vortex.

Salad ain't no Uchiha, let alone princess. No wonder Sasuke left for years, not bothering to meet her, because he knew what a slut she'd turn out to be, like her whore of a mother.

People even believe that she's stronger than Fugaku, Itachi, Shisui, even Madara and Sasuke. And they're excited that she "broke" the "Uchiha curse" of hatred or some shit like that.

Unrelated, am I the only one who ships Ada and Kawaki? I haven't met anyone who does, most of them who I've met ship KSA and think Kawaki belongs to Salad.

Completely unrelated, I'm still waiting for Team 5 and Team 15's timeskip design. Am I the only one? Wasabi's my fav character, and I'm disappointed that they haven't shown her design. Like, Team 5 and Team 15 are still apart of the Konoha 13/14, but apparently, the don't exist.

Btw, I saw people comparing slutkura to Minato and Kushina, saying that she reminds him of them. People in the comments were saying that Sakuhoe and Salad were so shipable and how slutkura reminds them of anyone in the series, and apparently she's the definition of perfection.

I feel bad for Sasuke, having a useless wife and daughter, and I feel bad for whoever ends up with Salad because, no matter how strong the genes are, they'll be made useless, thanks to her.

Some Hokage she's gonna be if she constantly needs saving.

I know I don't think anyone of them actually cares about Sarada otherwise they wouldn't have put up with how Sakura treated her and Sasuke being MIA for 10+ years.

Sarada is just a female version of Sasuke I wouldn't even call her pretty.

Seriously any true Uchiha destroys Sarada easily. Also her making Boruto lose an eye cause she was too dumb to activate her Sharingan isn't somthing to celebrate.

I support Ada and Kawaki more then I do him with Sarada.

Yes I want team 15's post time skip as well I really hope they show up in the manga at some point.

They have to completely change their characters to make her shippable.

[justice4sasuke]

me after this bullshit speech:

Y'all fucking genocided Sasuke's clan and would be fucking DEAD without him right know if he didn't deign to help your sorry asses how DARE anyone be like "well good thing Naruto was pulling for you Sasuke". Sasuke could drop all your asses this very second with rinnegan and by all accounts he should be able to beat Naruto's ass too so don't get too comfortable. ~the enormity of your help~ YEAH ONE WHOLE ASS HALF OF IT. You could argue basically all of it because Naruto was about to get his ass killed helping your and Sakura's useless asses. NARUTO is the key figure in ending the war? How fucking dare you.

Y'ALL WERE LIKE aaAuuU pOoR ObITo and he took part in causing said genocide and put bombs on a baby. The audacity of everyone but mostly Kishimoto.

Also what fucking wish was granted? It better have been telling everyone Konoha genocided a clan and we're putting up a monument, but I ain't seeing any of that shit.

If there was any justice in this world Sasuke would spit in your faces, bounce out and never return, but no.