#kong's reflections

[dearestkong]

reflections // end-of-year exams🍓

it's the return of dearestkong~~ i finished my last exam yesterday, and i'll begin daily updates soon!! it's nice not to be in panic-study mode, but I still have a ton of work to do for university applications. here are some things on my mind.

the good (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

when it came down to it, i could face the inertia head-on. during the short hiatus i was studying 6 hours a day, most days.

utilising resources: notion has been a godsend!! it used to scare me, but then i realised i was putting too much pressure on myself to make it look nice. a bare-bones table is fine.

it was a tough week (weeks), but i got through it and only cried a few times.

tried to take good breaks. saw a lot (!!!!!!!!!!!!) of beautiful things and ate delicious food.

today i had the whole day free; that's incredibly rare because there's always some sort of obligation going on. so i spent the morning reading, i took a walk, i finished my book in a cafe. i went back to my tutoring job and saw the kids again. i watched tv while cleaning my room. i turned off my phone-- i was determined not to waste the gift so i ended up having a much more fulfilling time than i normally do. and as i think back on it, i was being so stupid. there's nothing that special about today. every day is a gift! if i can do that once, i can do it always.

the not-so-good (.◜ᯅ◝)

felt burned out within the first week of revision but i didn't feel like i was working hard enough. i never feel like i work hard enough, and the problem is that's backed up with fact in my head because i never managed to complete my to-do list-- i went into exams knowing that i didn't do enough question practice or only briefly skimmed some topics.

was overconfident on some exams and underconfident (?) on others. cried before one because all the stuff felt alien to me, but it wasn't even that bad fr. i need to chillax

accidentally met someone incredibly beautiful and was struck with longing during the whole week which is not exactly what you want uring a time of academic pressure, you know?

realised that even when i'm not actively relapsing, i'm still doing a lot of self-destructive things. sleeping at midnight before an exam, choosing my phone over the book i really want to read. staying in bed too long or skipping exercise to rot.. i know all those things will make me feel bad, but i do them anyway. i'm too mean to myself.

in conclusion I MISS POSTING. idgaf if this takes time out of my day, the self-examination really helps me. in the process of writing a new introduction because my pinned has kind of aged out of relevance, but we'll see how it goes. !!! onwards!!!

[uniories]

Surface of the sea (Hong Kong, 2024)

[thottyoptimusprime]

Godzilla says this eventually

[adventureswithteddy]

Teddy leaned to the side and felt his eyes grow wide as he looked at this Calliandra. The long slender stamens enticing him with their fragile beauty.

[home-phoenix]

Throwback in Hong Kong Causewaybay.

[thunderstruck9]

John Mackechnie (British, 1949), Hong Kong Island, 2016. Screenprint, 106 x 57 cm. Edition of 30

[anonmothership]

Hongkong, December 2016

[adm-starblitzsteel-4305]

MAJOR SPOILERS ALERT!!!!!

New GxK: The New Empire Exclusive Chinese Trailer!!!!!

[materialsscienceandengineering]

A significant breakthrough in developing a passive radiative cooling (PRC) material has been announced by researchers at City University of Hong Kong (CityU). The findings have just been published in the journal Science titled "Hierarchically structured passive radiative cooling ceramic with high solar reflectivity." The material, known as cooling ceramic, has achieved high-performance optical properties for energy-free and refrigerant-free cooling generation. Its cost-effectiveness, durability and versatility make it highly suitable for commercialisation in numerous applications, particularly in building construction. By reducing the thermal load of buildings and providing stable cooling performance, even in diverse weather conditions in all climates, cooling ceramic enhances energy efficiency and can combat global warming.

Read more.

[dark-rob]

[yngai]

oh, oh ... man,

[dearestkong]

reflections // starting the summer term 🌷💌

(feel free to skip … just a lot of rambling about changes of mindset, i’ll sum it up later in my new pinned.)

it’s been more than a month since I’ve started this blog, and I’m really really glad that I did. not because my productivity has spiked or my anxiety has diminished or whatever (though there have been positive effects), but because just attempting to start something like this meant that I was no longer willing to suffer and rot in private. i talked about the “hole of dysfunction and self-hatred” in my old introduction: for so long, that hole was my best-kept secret and my greatest shame. being competent and ambitious was an aspect of my personality, and I couldn’t handle the idea that it wasn’t true.

but then…. dearestkong emerged!! and I started being completely transparent. telling strangers about every day of self-destructiveness. it was a good form of accountability, sure, but it was also a means of telling the truth. this blog has been a way for me to say: i’ve been struggling, and it’s not a fluke or a “flop era” or something entirely disconnected from the high achiever i used to be. the girl fighting off inertia and the girl seemingly doing everything with ease are the same person.

🌷☆彡

my posts have been getting more optimistic recently, and that isn’t a fluke, either. lots of things have happened: i’ve realised how many people support and believe in me, i started taking medication for a problem i’ve had for a while (it’s crazy how the world seems so much brighter now?!!?!), i started writing in my diary again. i’m now 27 days clean from a self-destructive behaviour (this blog isn’t about my relationship with that, but in the early days i used to make a note of relapses and just the fact of acknowledging it felt so freeing to me. it wasn’t something to hide anymore, but a fight i was making progress with.)

this seems like a rapid evolution for such a new blog, right?! but in the next six months, i’m going to be applying to university. i’m about to undergo some of the most rapid evolutions of my life.

🌷☆彡

for so long, i’ve had this vague and unspecified dream: “doing the best” “working my hardest” “impressing my teachers”. now my dream has a name and a face and admissions results attached to it and it’s making me so scared that i want to throw up. when i was in the depths of the hole i couldn’t stop seeing my life as a binary. either i get in, or i don’t. and if i don’t, what the hell is the point of living?

38 days later and i feel a little differently. i am someone who has climbed out the hole of inertia and lived. i have done many things and they’ve all turned out fine— great, actually. i have reason to believe that things will go well.

i still have a pretty nasty relationship with myself, lol. it makes me really happy when people on this blog interact and talk, but they’re all so nice and it makes me feel a little fake. in reality i’m standoffish, awkward, and often mean. i coast by on intellectual abilities while slacking off. i’m a judgemental egoist who is sometimes self-destructive. all of that is true—>

but at the same time, i still have this crazy belief that i deserve the best. it’s literally an overflow of egoism ;;;; there’s nobody i’m more in love with than myself. i think of the girl i’ll be in the future with such affection, and i don’t want her to feel ashamed or resentful of me. she deserves to have her hopes fulfilled!! she deserves the brightest, the best that i can give her.

in conclusion: even if i don’t like the person i am at the present, i have to do it anyway. 1 because there’s no other option and 2 because i love the person i’ll be in the future too much to stop.

🌷☆彡

so from now on, the purpose of this blog is changing slightly. it’s no longer “get out of the hole and survive” like it used to be. we’re past that, we’re already surviving.

now, the aim is to “do my best so my future self can live with no regrets”. that’s not very concise but I’ll work on it.

let’s do this! 加油！

[uniories]

Window of the tram (Hong Kong, 2024)

[offtomonde]

sunset city

📍ifc, central, hk

[bancho-zx]

【Game Boy Advance】 Mario vs. Donkey Kong ~Intro / Title / Attract demo

// Music: Lawrence Schwedler

// GBA Reflective TFT LCD screen

[terven--godess]

I've developed so much fatigue over online radfem spaces to be honest, like yeah I still align with the politics and I don't think that'll ever really change, but I'm at a point where I can't get over the inaction of online political spaces…not saying that there's none of this happening but, we have to organize, we have to venture into the material world. There's risks that have to be discussed and addressed sure but there's more risk to staying silent & also strength in numbers. Being crypto is reasonable, but how can we move forward? These are things that need to seriously be considered for any sort of real societal shift or activism to happen, or even for us to just have irl connections which are so, so invaluable and so different from digital ones. The notion that women somehow "ruin" men's happiness through their interests and passions is a projection of men's own insecurities. From making fun of female-dominated hobbies to invalidating their emotional experiences, many men seek to undermine what women value. This pattern of behavior reflects a deeper discomfort with allowing women their own agency, especially when it doesn't align with traditional male ideals of what's important or worthy of respect. Instead of uplifting women, these actions serve to keep them in a subordinate position. Feminist fatigue with online spaces stems from the lack of real-world action. While digital platforms have allowed for the spread of feminist ideas, many activists feel that the movement has stalled. Without organizing in physical spaces, there is a risk that feminist discourse will remain theoretical and disconnected from the tangible change needed to challenge oppressive systems. Reproductive violence is a widespread form of control used by men, religious institutions, and governments to limit women's autonomy. Through the denial of birth control or abortion access, women are forced into unwanted pregnancies or childbirth, reinforcing male control over female bodies. The way internalized misogyny often manifests within certain marginalized groups is striking. frieza: Im derpy, but even I wouldnt crimb LIC. Me:

LIC…DIK…KIB… All sleping. Why is Donkey Kongs banana horde always full of sklebby Super Saiyan Forms? Go to Links kitchen of shame, and dont look back.