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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Amoreena | Chapter ten

chapter ten

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: immense amounts of fluff, discussion of bad dreams death and past trauma at the end all related to canon

word count: 5.3K

from the beginning <3

Dreaming wasn’t something that came easily to Spencer. When he did dream they never made any sense, dark and twisting basements, endless staircases, treading a deep dark sea for hours as the waves swallowed him whole. Wind chimes that he couldn’t find wouldn’t stop twinkling as he aimlessly ran around a trailer park. It was never peaceful.

Then his mind found the park and couldn’t stop re-creating it, over and over again in his mind every single night when he closed his eyes.

He was in the middle of the most perfect dreamscape, his girls reading under the sun as Y/N’s head rested on his shoulder…

Then his phone started to ring, opening his eyes to the sun barely waking up as well. He answered the phone before Y/N could wake up beside him, “hello?”

“Spence, I’m so sorry to wake you,” JJ’s voice slipped into his mind and woke up right up, she wouldn’t call unless she needed to. “We have a really bad case, we have to leave like right now and the babysitter can’t take the boys and Henry is still too little to make sure Michael eats during the day and he’s still so little—“

“Hey it’s fine,” he cut her off as he sat up, waking Y/N in the process. “I’m only 12 minutes from Quantico, leave them with Anderson and I’ll be right over.”

“Thank you so much, Spence, oh and they need breakfast, I’ll leave some money with Henry, can you make sure they eat?”

“Absolutely, don’t worry, good luck and be safe,” he reminded her, feeling weird that he didn’t have to go as well.

“Thanks again Spence,” he could hear her smile before hanging up, leaving him to stretch and finally get out of the bed.

“Was that JJ?” Y/N asks, getting out of bed and putting on her housecoat to follow him to the bathroom.

“Yeah, the boys need someone to watch them if you don’t mind?”

“They’re family,” she reminded him with a sleepy smile.

“They need lunches for today, I can drive Amoreena to school with them too?” He’s splashing water on his face so he can wake up enough to drive safely to Quantico, wiping the water from his eyes as he hears Y/N laughing softly.

“It’s Saturday silly, and Monday is their last day anyway if they need to stay that long,” Y/N reminds him, “I’ll try and have breakfast ready when you get back.”

“Tomorrows the 14th, shit,” he remembers his calendar. “I have to take my mom to get her yearly scan and cognitive test done tomorrow morning, I won't be able to send her off on her last day.”

“That’s okay, as long as you’re there for the little graduation and the all about me display ceremony it’ll be fine, it starts at 1:30,” she didn’t mind him missing it but everything in him felt like the worst person ever if he did.

He never wanted to miss anything ever again.

“You’re sure that’s fine?”

She nodded again, wrapping her arms around him and looking up into his beautiful, tired eyes. “Family comes first, that means Diana was in the calendar longer so you go with her. Amoreena just wants to come home with you from school, for the next 10 years of school she’ll be coming home to you.”

“Why don’t we wake Amoreena and go get breakfast with the boys? I’d like to get to know my god kids too…” her voice cooing as she soothed his morning anxiety, blessing him with more time with her, he nodded.

“You go get the boys and come back and pick us up, I’m sure she’ll take a few minutes to contemplate feeding chickens or breakfast,” Y/N smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly.

She pulled away but he pulled her right back in, pressing his lips right against hers again and again until they were both laughing, teeth bumping into each other in their early morning delirium. She finally pulled away from his grasp, rushing to the bedroom door so he couldn’t follow her.

“Go get the boys!”

He fake huffed, “fine!”

Slipping into his jeans and a sweater, placing her grandpa’s hat back on his head once more. He made sure he had his wallet and identification, the guards knew him it’s not like he wouldn’t be allowed into the building with a visitors pass.

And then he was out the door and driving down the road. Pulling into Quantico with a strange feeling in his gut, he didn’t realize how much he hated it here until he didn’t need to be there all the time. He was granted a visitors pass, parking in the garage and taking the elevator right up to the BAU.

He walked into the briefing room to find Henry on his phone and Michael sound asleep again on the couch.

“Hey, uncle Spencer!” Henry cheered, not waking Michael in the process somehow.

“Hey buddy,” he said, scooping the now 13-year-old Henry into his arms for a quick hug. He was still cuddly and sensitive and quiet, much like Spencer at that same age.

It was almost like JJ picked him as the godfather knowing he would need him. Choosing to text or call Spencer about cute girls and chess games and new star wars movies, instead of going to his dad for chats about football and beer… or whatever Will was into. Spencer really didn’t give him a chance to get to know him over the last 15 years, harbouring a hatred for him that he didn’t really understand until he met Y/N.

Now will was the jealous one in a sense, wondering what he could do to get his own son to come to him for advice and support. But he understood it, Henry was exactly like Spencer and he needed to see that being awkward and quiet doesn’t last forever.

“So, I’m not sure if your mom and dad told you, but I got married and my wife has a daughter and we’re going to take you boys out to breakfast, okay?”

“She said you’re Nini’s dad, like for real?” Once again someone from the LaMontagne called Amoreena Nini and he had no idea why.

“I donated sperm when your mom got pregnant with you, I didn’t think I’d get to have a family,” he was honest with him. He was old enough to know how it worked and mature enough to hear the word sperm without freaking out.

“Cool, Nini and Mike are normally friends.”

“Why do you guys call her Nini?”

“Michael couldn’t say Amoreena when he was 4 so he called her Nini, and then Dad would call her that when he teased Mike about his crush on her,” it made complete sense for a kid to not be able to pronounce it.

But his brain got stuck on the crush part, turning to Michael who was still sound asleep with his face pressed into his backpack, drooling slightly. JJ’s kid had a crush on his, a weird fantasy he had coming true where he and JJ can be friends forever as in-laws.

It was too bad Amoreena really didn’t like boys, not even in the 8-year-old ‘ew cooties’ way either. She was raised around women and she was comfortable with them, and she had no problem punching Michael in the face if he ever pissed her off. It was going to be interesting seeing them interact today.

“Okay, well let’s get your things and bring them back to our house and then we’ll go get breakfast with my girls,” Spencer smiled, seeing Henry’s face light up at the day he gets to spend with Spencer. “You’re going to love Y/N.”

And he did… walking into Spencer’s new house to drop off his backpack, dropping his jaw when he saw Y/N instead. He was so much like Spencer it made him laugh, patting Henry on the shoulder, “I know,” he teased him.

Henry turned to him with wide eyes, “I’ve never met Nini’s mom, that’s her mom?” He whispered that same anxious boy Spencer used to be staring right back at him.

He nodded with a smile, “yeah, she’s really nice don’t worry.”

“Henry! It’s so nice to meet you,” she says as she walks into the main room.

Henry turns around to see her when she’s pulling him into a big hug, Spencer can see his eyes are closed as he takes a moment to hug a pretty girl. Spencer couldn’t help but bite his tongue, not wanting to laugh and embarrass the poor boy now that he was noticing pretty girls. Even if that girl happened to be his wife, it was inevitable for Henry to crush on one of Spencer’s girlfriends with how much he copied him.

She pulled back softly, Henry’s arms still around her waist, she brushed his beautiful blond hair behind his ears. “You look so much like your mom, you’re so handsome!”

Henry forgot how to breathe, trying to stutter out a thank you as he backed up out of her space and turned to Spencer, “he’s always looked like JJ, you should have seen how tiny he was originally,” Spencer jumped in to save him. “Where is Amoreena?”

“She’s trying to pick between 2 different dresses, I’ll go make sure she’s in one by now,” she smiled at them before leaving the room, heading up the stairs to Amoreena’s room.

“You good?” Spencer nudged Henry, laughing lightly. “She’s your aunt now, she’s not going to think you’re a dork so you can calm down around her, I promise.”

Henry released a deep shaky breath, “you’re right, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I was like that around your mom before you were born, you should have seen me,” he tried to sympathize with the boy, only making a disgusted face arise on him.

“Ew, that’s completely different she’s my mom!”

Spencer wrapped his arm around him, “and Y/N is my wife!” He whispered as loud as he could so that it wouldn’t be heard by her.

Henry sighed, “and she’s like what 50?”

“35,” Spencer looked at him and laughed as he shook his head, “how old do you think I am?”

“Mentally? 6-years-old,” Henry bullied him right back for all the brotherly teasing, “but physically you look 79.”

“Thanks,” Spencer said, tucking the boy under his arm and messing up his hair, “now you look like a dork.”

He loved Henry more than he could express, unlike Amoreena he knew he wasn’t his kid, it wasn’t fatherly at all. Henry was his best friend's kid, his godson and his little brother, and as he got older he was becoming more of a best friend than he thought he would.

—

After breakfast when everyone was awake and happily full, Y/N took them all into town to visit the farmer’s market. Letting the kids look around and see if there was anything they wanted to all make for dinner, she was the best mom and aunt in the whole wide world and Spencer kept falling more and more in love every second he spent with her.

She was glowing in the sunlight, walking through the booths looking at all the fresh vegetables and fruit, Spencer followed her with Michael’s hand in his and Henry not far behind. Amoreena was off talking to her favourite vendor, an older woman who reminded her of her great-grandma, it was sweet.

Spencer thought about how their future would be much of the same, Y/N and him with a couple of kids while the rest of them did their own thing. He couldn’t wait to see all the little faces they’d create together, to get to know all the personalities and raise them into being just as wonderful as their sister and cousins.

“Ugh,” Y/N stopped dead in her tracks then, they were heading towards the butcher’s booth when she turned around, almost green as she reacted to the smell. “Nope, not going down there.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling at her as she tried to not throw up in the middle of the market, people watching her dry heave as she walked away. Spencer knew JJ was pregnant with Michael before she even told Will because she was the exact same way very early on. Living on ginger ale and baby cookies to stay sane, Y/N was going to need that hack.

He didn’t say anything, just profiling her in his mind as he followed her again.

Henry and Michael used the money JJ left them to buy some homemade candies from the market, Y/N picked up some donuts to bring home to her parents, and Amoreena only wanted fresh strawberries. Spencer however snuck away from the group really quickly to get something they passed earlier, something he wanted to get for Amoreena.

There was a vendor with homemade shirts and dresses, knitted hats and all sorts of collectables. If he was going to miss her last morning before kindergarten, he wanted to get her something to wear that morning so he’d be there in spirit.

There was a beautiful handmade purple dress hanging on the wall behind the vendor, the same kind old woman that reminded Amoreena of her GG. “Hello, how can I help you today?”

“We haven’t met, but I’m Amoreena’s father,” he introduced himself with a smile, and the old woman face beamed.

“Yes you are,” she smiled. “She has your nose, it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

“you too, um, I was interested in that purple dress,” he points behind her, “it looks like the one from tangled, I’m sure she’d love it.”

“that’s exactly how she described it when she saw it today,” the woman explains as she takes it down from the wall for him. “It’s $35, but I’ll do $20 for my favourite little friend.”

“That’s very kind, but I don’t mind,” he says, taking $35 dollars out of his wallet and laying it beside the cash box. “Thank you for always making my girl smile.”

“Thank you,” she smiled again, folding the dress nicely and placing it in a white bag, “would you like some tissue paper so she can’t see what it is?”

“That would be great, thank you,” Spencer smiled too, incredibly happy that this was his life now.

She handed him the bag then, stuffed to the brim with purple and pink paper, Amoreena was going to love it. He said his goodbyes and met the rest of his family at the car, hiding the present between his legs in the passenger seat as they drove home.

—

Henry and Michael did end up having to stay the night, switching into their PJs after dinner and joining them all in the living room for a movie night. They let the kids stay up later to watch the whole movie, watching Michael fall asleep once again on the carpet, he had been so well behaved all day it was like he was afraid of Amoreena now.

Michael was perfectly happy sleeping on the couch all night, Henry, on the other hand, slept in Y/N’s old room to have some privacy and so he could sleep in on Sunday.

By the time JJ and Will got home on Sunday night, Y/N and Spencer were just putting some burgers on the grill, they had enough for the whole team and so sure enough, the crew made a short trip from Quantico to Heaven.

Matt called his wife, she drove their handful of children over, Luke of course let Penelope know, the two of them still happily seeing each other now that she wasn’t on the team, it was cute to see them together. Then Penelope, of course, invited Derek and Hank. Emily, Rossi and Tara coming along just to witness Spencer being happy.

It was the best summer party they’ve ever had. Bob and Linda were beyond excited to have so many new faces in their yard, throwing on 2 more packages of burgers, feeding a whole army like normal.

The kids were all running around together in the field, playing with the cats and the goats, rolling down the big hill towards the cows, chasing fireflies as the sunset.

It was all of their last day of school on Monday, a weird day to end on but they were excited nonetheless. Y/N’s father lit up a bonfire in celebration, setting up every lawn chair and log they had to make sure everyone had a seat, they all gathered with marshmallows on sticks and drinks in their hands, smiles on their faces and love in their hearts.

Spencer made a happy life for himself that he was no sharing with them, and they call understood perfectly why he chose this one. It was peaceful, perfect and the most loving environment he’s ever been in. They were beyond proud of him.

“This place is amazing,” Tara leaned towards Spencer, “your family is wonderful.”

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled at her, raising his voice then as he looked at the rest of the team, “I just want to thank all of you actually, you’re all my family and it’s been so surreal introducing you all, I’ve never been happier.”

He was swarmed with hugs then, everyone also using it as their queue to gather their kids and hit the road. They watched everyone get in their cars one by one, Penelope did everything in her power not to leave with at least 3 cats, Matts's kids asked if they could come back, often, with Y/N reminding everyone that the gates are always open.

It was everything he ever wanted.

Amoreena jumped into his arms then, he held her against his side as they both waved at everyone, saying goodbye to all her new aunts and uncles and cousins. Her family kept getting bigger and bigger by the day and she was so incredibly happy about it. She’d take in a million more family members if they let her, her heart didn’t have a capacity level for love.

He carried her up the porch stairs then, bringing her into the kitchen where the white bag with purple tissue paper was waiting for her. Her eyes lit up as she saw it, “is that for me?”

“You bet it is,” he enthused, “I’m not going to be here in the morning, grandma Diana has a doctor's appointment, so I got you something for tomorrow morning.”

He set her down on the floor, handing her the bag and watching her carefully remove all the tissue paper. She laid it on the table softly to keep it for later, saying it was good to make barbie dresses with. When she finally saw the dress her jaw dropped.

Y/N was there too now, watching in awe as he surprised both of them.

“Did you buy this from Candace?” She asks softly as she takes it out of the bag. Holding it to her chest as she twirls around lightly.

“I did, I thought you’d like to have something to remind you of me there, I’m sorry I’m going to miss sending you to the bus on your last day,” he tried not to cry as he crouched down to her level, taking her into his arms and giving her a soft hug.

“That’s okay, you’re always in here,” she took his pointer finger in her hand and poked her own chest with it, “I love you, dad.”

“I love you more, Amoreena,” he smiled through the tears, scrunching his nose so they wouldn’t roll down his cheeks, giving her another hug before Y/N started her bedtime routine.

—

For the past two weeks, his dreams have been filled with lush fields of green draped in the most beautiful golden glow. Both his girls sitting beside him as they read, each of them has a book and it’s silent. It’s serene, the dictionary definition of peace.

However, it took him a while to fall asleep tonight, he was too anxious for Amoreena’s last day of kindergarten in the morning and the fact he wouldn’t be there for the drop-off.

Y/N was sound asleep on the pillow beside him as he stared at her, for what felt like hours, brushing her hair off her face lightly and making sure the blankets were still covering her. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room just enough that he could see her face twitch into a smile as she fell deeper into her slumber.

Seeing her happy relaxed him enough to follow her. Blinking into his dream realm and finding a few new faces waiting for him by the tree…

“Dad!” Another little girl he’s never seen before was running towards him, wrapping herself around him as he held her.

Suddenly, 7 other children he doesn’t know are surrounding him in hugs, tacking him to the ground in a fit of giggles and tickles, “we missed you! Why were you gone for so long?”

He’s so confused, he knows he’s dreaming but he chooses to stay, to wander the world and ask the questions his mind was so obviously trying to answer. “I’m sorry,” is all he can reply, taking Amoreena’s hand and following her towards Y/N as she sat on the picnic blanket.

She was older, which meant he should be too, looking in the pond quickly for his reflection to see’s his wrinkled face, the white in his hair and beard. Their kids had all grown up but where was he for it?

“Welcome home,” she smiled as he sat down. “it’s about time you met the girls.”

“Where was I?”

“You don’t remember?”

He shakes his head, “I was supposed to be here.”

“Amoreena got into Yale, did you hear that, cutie? Elly, Junie and Theo are in high school now, look how beautiful they are…”

He watched his children frolic in the field, running around without a care in the world that he missed everything. Why did he miss everything? How could he miss everything?

“It’s too bad you missed Cordelia and the other twins, can you believe we had 3 sets of twins, Spence?” She laughed like it was funny, “how could you leave me alone with 9 babies?” Still smiling, staring into his soul as he died a little inside.

He started to panic then, breathing heavily as he tried to remember where he was to miss everything, “I was supposed to be there for them!?”

Suddenly he’s ripped awake by Y/N shaking him and pulling him against her skin, “hey, shhh, it’s okay.”

He was crying and shaking in his sleep, sweating as he tried to fight off the dream, his anxiety in full swing for absolutely no reason, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for leaving you.”

“You didn’t go anywhere, Spencer, you’ve been there the whole time,” she reminded him, rubbing her hand over his back as he settled into her arms. “You were mumbling and then yelling.”

“I got to the park and you told me I missed all of them growing up,” he whispered the painful words into the open, freeing them from his mind and letting them exist somewhere else.

“Them?” She coo’s, holding his head against her chest as she rests her cheek against it, holding him as close as humanly possible.

“We had like 9 girls, they were all so beautiful as you and Amoreena, they all had my nose and your lips and the curliest blowing hair in the whole world, and I missed everything, again,”

“I won't let that happen, do you have any handcuffs leftover? Because I can keep you here for good?” She teased him in a hushed whisper, playful and happy to prove that he was fine, they were fine.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” he whispered again shimmying down lower to lay his head on her lower stomach, kissing her stomach softly. “I’m not leaving you all, never.”

“I had a bad dream too, that’s what woke me up first,” she replies softly. “Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of Stephen’s death, and the first time I never visited him.”

Spencer felt the need to sit up then, making eye contact with her to see her true feelings. “I don’t want you to stop loving him because you also love me. He’s special to you, you should go see him soon.”

“Spencer,” she smiles at the concern in his voice, “I will, I only didn’t because I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant, I was bleeding a little yesterday and then it stopped, that probably means the implantation worked and I don’t want to tell him yet. And I tell him everything.”

“Everything?” He asks in a way that she hears; “even about me?” inside his thoughts.

She nods softly, “I went on that first Monday after I dropped you off at your apartment, I needed him to know I was finally ready and I thanked him for sending you to me.”

“What was he like?”

“He was from Boston, accent and everything,” she smiled with sad eyes as she recalled him to her mind. “He was in theatre school, I met him in the summer at a music festival in Chicago, he was playing guitar and we had too many beers and I lost my virginity to him in a tent in some field.”

She recalled it like it was a fond memory, missing him but not enough to be sad about it now. “I ran into him again when I went to college in Boston and we were talking outside before the rain hit, like one of those classic movie scenes, and my apartment was closer, the rest is history.”

“Hey Stephen is the one song you always skip, I never wanted to ask why but I don’t think you’ll mind telling me?” He wonders out loud, still a little delirious from the lack of sleep.

“He looked like an angel when I first saw him, he was standing under a street light reading his music sheets and the light was glowing perfectly, it was amazing I wish I had a picture of it. But then the Fearless album came out for the first time and it was my favourite song because it was like she wrote it for us. He was my perfect angel, my superstar, he was going to be on Broadway one day and we were going to move to a cottage in England, we had lots of plans and that song just makes me think of the life me and him must be living in the universe where it all worked out.”

It’s long-winded and she doesn’t seem to be over-emotional by the end, in a shocking turn of event’s it seems like she feels freer after getting it off her chest.

“I haven’t always been this happy and cheerful Spencer,” she adds, “I had a really dark spot after he died, it was horrible for me. I was so angry, I was reckless and mean and hurtful, and in that time I wasted precious moments I could have spent being happy with my grandma, and so my dream tonight was just the fight I had with Evan and my grandma dying and the cops saying Stephen was dead and placing that stupid fucking flower on his coffin thinking it made up for the fact I couldn’t even look at him in there.”

“How you respond to trauma isn’t really up to you, that’s why it’s trauma. Your brain can’t really cope and so it does typically the stuff you’ll regret the most in that time of grief, it’s not your fault and I’m sure everyone understood. You had every right to be mad, hell, I’m mad you lost him because I know how much you hurt in silence for so long,” Spencer can’t help but wish he could have been there for her.

“What happened to you after Maeve died?”

It was only fair that he shared too, “I locked myself in my apartment and didn’t take care of myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, I just sat in my living room and almost died reading every book I had because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of being taken care of so if I starved to death, so be it.”

“You still haven’t told me what happened with her and the kidnapping,” she reminds him of their little chat a few weeks ago at the school. “I get it if you’re not ready, I’m sure it’s a lot.”

“I was getting headaches, really bad ones, and so I reached out to a geneticist to see if she could help me. I sent her my brain scans and some blood tests and she helped me find supplements and natural ways to help my body rest from the stress of my work,” he explained it easily like the feelings didn’t hurt anymore.

“We talked on the phone a lot and I finally asked her why she was so afraid to meet me or have me know anything about her. She had me call her from a payphone, always a different one each time, I was to call and let it ring once, then hang up then she’d call me back. She thought she had a stalker, she was getting weird messages and threats and she felt genuinely unsafe, and she had every right to,”

“10 months went by and we thought she was safe, but her ex-fiancé got a private investigator to find her and in return found me instead. It turns out that Maeve had a student who felt wronged by her and wanted to outdo her, so she dated her fiancé and scared her underground but then she wanted me.”

Y/N’s face is full of concern like she’s listening to a true-crime thriller where she knows the ending won't be good.

“I tried to talk her stalker down, I almost had her and then she kissed me and I keep looking at Maeve, she saw right through me. She threatened to kill Maeve, she had a gun to her head but at the last minute she killed herself, but Maeve’s head was too close to hers,” the words hurt on the way out.

“And someone also had you sent to prison?” She asks, wanting all the trauma in one night to save him the trouble.

“Yeah, she was an assassin, I tricked her into thinking I found her dad and I was so smart she thought I was her soulmate, it was all an elaborate plan to bring me down to her level.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“I’ve killed too many people,” he answers with complete honesty once again. “I’ve killed mostly murderers and rapists, I typically don’t have to. I really try not to, but I’ve also killed people to keep myself safe. And I’d probably kill someone to keep you or Amoreena safe too.”

“Get in line,” she laughs, able to make every single conversation easy even when they shouldn’t be.

“I uh,” he wants to tell her more but he doesn’t know-how. “I was also sexually assaulted in prison, and I was kidnapped and drugged in 2007, I OD’d and died but then I was resuscitated, I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a lot.”

“I am so sorry Spencer,” she rests her hands on his cheeks, looking into his eyes as best as she could in the dark, still seeing the goodness in there. “You’re safe here with me, forever and always, I can promise you that.”

“Thank you,” he’s never going to stop thanking her.

Settling down on the bed once more, he cuddles back into her side. She brushes his hair behind his ear softly, humming a soft melody as she soothes him back to sleep. He snuggled right against her, holding her gently as he fell back to sleep on her, dreamless as she was everything he needed.

love you all for all the support thank you x100 <3

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years

Note

Oooh maybe there was only on bed at a sky resort with Calum and the rest if the band is making bets of when feels are confessed

Lol, here we go another confessional pool. Love to see it. Reader Insert CW: Mentions of death/lost loved ones.

Enjoy Christmas 2020 Blurb Mastelist

Enjoy my full masterlist!

_________________

Ashton and Calum are the first to head to the check-in. The rest of the guys are pulling out their last bits of luggage from the truck. You trail in the middle, still laughing at Luke’s fumbling on the snow. But soon the wind chill creeps up through your jacket and you contemplate heading inside and grabbing your spare key.

From the counter, as Ashton sorts out the keys needed, Calum glances out to the front door. You’re standing right near the doors, doubled over. He knows it’s you standing there too, can tell by the hiccup of your laughter that’s just muffled enough that Calum can almost belief it’s his subconscious playing a trick on him. “Are you sure you’re okay rooming with them? It won’t be too weird given the whole you not telling your feelings for them because they just lost their brother and you don’t want to seem too insensitive.”

“You make it seem like I’m being weird about this?”

“Calum you’ve had feelings for forever. Yes, they lost their brother this year but you’ve been there for everything. You’ve been nothing but respectful. But they’re doing a lot better. They came on to this trip to have fun. Try to get back to normal because everything and everyone at home keeps treating them as fragile.

“Ashton, it just doesn’t feel like the best time.”

“And will be the right time? When will you every have the best time to tell them your feelings, mate? Because I don’t think there’s ever been a best time in life. There’s only ever now or never.”

Calum shakes his head. “Right now is not good,” he utters and then grabs his bags. Sure, you and Calum had been close for a while. He had been there for a lot. But he couldn’t risk it. This Christmas was going to be hard on you after what happened and there was no way Calum could even consider dumping his feelings on you at a time like this. No, this is the time for you to have some fun. That’s all he needed to focus on.

“Looks like it’s me and you,” he teases, dangling the key in your face.

“Hmm, I guess you’ll do,” you laugh. Michael, Ashton, and Luke watch the two of you trek across the resort to your room.

“Do you think they’ll confess anything on this trip?” Luke asks.

Ashton sighs. “I don’t know. I think Calum’s overthinking the whole thing. But I also get it. He doesn’t want to push them. I hope the universe is cooking up something.”

“I got dibs something happens tonight,” Michael laughs.

“Ah, you are a betting man. I’m saying tomorrow,” Ashton counters.

“I don’t know,” Luke tacks on. “Calum’s been super careful about all this. I think possibly by the end. Gonna need a little bit of romance sparked before anything happens.”

The snow crunches beneath your boots but you’re thankful the house isn’t that far from the check-in. Inside, you thankful to see a bit of warmth or heat had been on previously. There’s a fireplace in the main area. You trail down the hallways to unload your suitcases before settling in. As Calum cracks open the door, a singular bed stares back up at him. It’s a queen sized bed. There’s space, but there’s only one.

“Have you seen a ghosts?” you asks, noticing the way Calum freezes.

“Oh-I-Sorry.”

He steps into the room and then you wheel your bags in behind you. You look up to the bed and your heart races. You thought for sure your room would have at least two beds. But it’s okay. There are worst things that could happen. Like you waking up in Calum’s arms. Fuck. “So which side do you want?” you asks facing Calum’s practically still frozen pose.

“I’m not picky,” he counters.

You pick the left and drag your suitcase over. You manage to find where the thermostat is located and turn it up just a little after unwrapping yourself from your winter gear. You explore throughout the house too, finding the kitchen and seeing how much space there is. The fire place doesn’t seem too complicated but you don’t mess with it too much. The backdoor opens up to the yard. It’s covered in snow too, but something about the tree lines and the dusting of the snow covering the land for as long as the eye can see. It’s breathtaking.

The rest of the guys come in then, partners with them. But you stay at the door, watching. You wish you could take a photo to do it justice. You wish you could take even a shitty phone picture and send it to your brother. And you could--in theory. Because he was on your plan and you haven’t removed that line yet at all. You could text his phone. It would deliver. But it would never be seen. And that’s how you know you’ve been standing too long.

You return to the room, faintly hearing the other guys and their partners settling into their rooms, just as Calum steps out of the bathroom, a towel thrown over his shoulder and just sweatpants on for the moment. The sight doesn’t shock you, but it does make you freeze for just a moment, not ready to see it and you duck your head digging into your suitcase.

“Everything alright?” Calum unearths a sweatshirt but he doesn’t miss the way you disappeared.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay.”

You head into the shower next and let the steam billow around you. The heat nearly scorches your skin, but you almost like it. You enjoy the fact that it reminds you you’re still alive, you’re still feeling. It’s Christmas time. You should be having fun. The house is decorate in garland and wraths there would be Christmas cheer being pumped into your veins but as it stands, there’s just trying, pretending just a little, just enough that it feels like something.

The sheets don’t even feel real when you slip into bed. It feels like you’re drowning. You lay there fore a moment, trying to grip onto the sheets to ground yourself. But it just all feels too clean, too stiff, too not lived in. And you’re still drowning. You sit up, suddenly aware of the sweat dripping down your back.

“Hey,” a soft hand caresses your arm. “what’s up?”

You look over to Calum who’s turned to his side. “I-I can’t sleep.”

“Talk to me.”

“It’s the same thing as always,” you sigh. “And I don’t want to bore you with those details. Yet again.”

Calum sits up. “No, bore me. Yet again.”

You sigh, scrubbing over your face. “It’s okay, Calum. Go back to sleep.”

“Alright, get up,” he sighs and slips out of bed. You don’t move, unsure of what his plan is. He holds out his hands and waves his fingers. “Seriously, c’mon. Get up. This calls for hot chocolate.”

Giving in, you pull the sheets off your body and take his hand. His hold is warm and the two of you pad softly through the door. You hold onto his hand, trying not to conjure up anything in the shadows. The kitchen is the only light source and you settle at the counter as Calum finds mugs and a packet of hot chocolate. He knows he most definitely added it to the list that Ashton sent to everyone and Calum made sure to add that.

The spoons click against the ceramic mug. The steam escapes into the chilly air. “So,” Calum starts, leaning across from you. “Tell me. Everything.”

“I’m pretending,” you answer. “I am pretending. And sometimes I’m not sure I’m convincing myself.” Calum nods in understanding, watching you take a sip of the drink. “Some days are easier than others. I don’t know--something about that bed, it all felt fake. I hate that feeling. I don’t know. It just--I need to be okay with not being okay. And I am most of the time. It’s just sometimes, like right now, it makes me realize time just keeps going. And I want to go with it too, it’s just hard.”

“What could I do to help?”

“You’ve done more than enough,” you say, taking his hands. “More than enough.”

Calum nods again, trying not to memorize the way your hands feels wrapped around his again. “You know I’m here for you. What if,” he pauses and catches of the sight. “What if we slept on the couch? No fake bed.”

You look over your shoulder and inhale deeply. It is not a small couch but it is also not a very large couch. “Oh, Calum, no, I couldn’t.” But before you can say much else he’s taking your hand and dragging you towards the couch. “It’s so small,” you counter as he settles down on the couch.

“Good thing I’m comfy,” he returns. You sit next to him, careful of the hot chocolate still steaming in the cup.

“Calum, really, you can go back to the room, I’m okay by myself.”

“Nah. I won’t stand for that.” He guides you into his chest, and it’s just sitting, cuddled up next to each other. And you manage to finish the beverage but you don’t last much longer against sleep nor can you give into the way Calum’s wrapped you into his arms. At some point, he stretched out across the couch and you cuddled up on his chest. And maybe there are blankets. But you’re not sure. The only thin you’re sure about is that this doesn’t feel fake anymore. This doesn’t make you feel like you’re drowning.

“I told you it would only take the night,” Michael laughs, watching to two of you cuddled up on the couch.

“If that’s a pool you guys ran about confessing feelings, you're shit out of luck, Clifford,” Calum whispers. You haven’t woken up yet, or so Calum assumed, and he doesn’t want to move too much. He’d rather let you sleep even if it meant he has to lay there for an extra hour or two or three. You need the rest.

“I’m still in luck,” Luke adds on.

“Me too,” Ashton quips.

“I told you nothing was going to happen this trip because they need to focus on healing, and getting back to normal not me or my feelings for them,” Calum hisses out again, scooting up every so slightly on the couch. You don’t seem to be aware or bothered by the movement.

“You like them. Just admit it. It would all save us a lot of trouble,” Ashton giggles.

You try not to snort, you really try not you. The whispers of Michael and Luke woke you just a little but it was the rumble of Calum’s voice was the one that kept you up for sure. Calum freezes, eyes widening at the feeling of you shaking against his chest. It goes quiet in the entire room when the rest of the guys notice the panic too.

“Luke,” you start, pushing up from Calum’s chest. But you don’t look away from Calum’s panicked face. “I hope everyone brought cash for you.”

It’s in slow motion as you stretch up and plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth, close enough that it almost connects but just far off the mark that Calum knows. His heart races and he cups your face. “What was that for?”

“Thank you. I like you. And I know it’s a fucked up time in my life. But you are really cute and you care. So I wanna try just give me some time.”

A shadow casts over them and when Calum glances up there’s Ashton holding a mistletoe. “Kiss and make it real,” he laughs.

#calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood 5sos #h writes #h writes christmas 2020 #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #calum hood x reader #calum hood x reader insert #5 seconds of summer #Luke hemmings #Michael clifford #Ashton irwin

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awed-frog · 3 years

Note

Do you have any tips on how to stop binge eating? No purge yet but i’m close

Hey, sorry you’re going through that. I don’t know if I can help, but here are a few tips.

First of all - if this is something that happens frequently, you might have Binge Eating Disorder (if you purge, we’re going straight into bulimia territory), and that’s serious, so don’t leave it alone. Find a therapist if you can, or at least an online community (and NOT something HAES-based, if they say bingeing is normal behaviour or that you have to stop ‘restricting’ to fix this it, run).

For right now: I’d say, the most important thing is DON’T PURGE. Throwing up frequently will do a lot of damage to your stomach, and taking laxatives will mess with your entire digestive system, which that can be hard to recover from. I know you’re afraid you’ll gain weight if you don’t purge, but you do not want to spend the rest of your life avoiding most foods because you have an extra delicate stomach or become addicted to laxatives because you can’t poop without them. So even if you mess up and have a binge, do NOT purge.

Tips for not bingeing:

Don’t keep foods that trigger you in your home. If you feel like something specific, buy it and eat it outside - not in your car, but outside. In a restaurant if you can, and on a nice park bench if you can’t. That way, you’ll be less tempted to keep eating indefinitely, and instead turn that urge into a normal meal or snack. Don’t buy ingredients for several meals you’re craving (if you’re craving pizza and pasta, only buy a pizza or pasta sauce, not both) and don’t buy multiple packages of whatever even if it’s cheaper (one packet of crisps, one pizza and so on; and, if possible, snack-sized packets of biscuits and peanuts; if you’re craving cake, go to a nice bakery and get yourself a big slice instead of buying a cheap cake from a supermarket).

Be aware of situations that triggers you and plan around them. If you aren’t sure about connections, start keeping a very honest food / mood / events diary so you can spot patterns. Triggers can by situational (a fight with a loved one, your mom being annoying, having to buy new clothes and so on) or physical (PMS, insulin out of whack so even one piece of chocolate will lead to overeating more stuff). Once you know what triggers you, avoid what you can and try to plan ahead for what you can’t.

(For instance, if a weekly review at your job triggers you, arrange to see or call a friend afterwards or go to the movies.)

To make PMS better, there are things you can try: the best ones are exercise (especially outside) and satisfying meals (eat healthy but add fats even if you’re craving sugars).

Distract yourself and get away from passive &screen-related activities. Try putting on some music and dancing, or cleaning the house. Reorganize your closet. Start a hobby you have to do with your hands - knitting, crafts, clay. Go for a walk if you can. Listen to audiobooks. Take a nice shower. Call someone (it can be a support buddy you can talk to about cravings, but also someone who doesn’t know: it’s nice just to talk).

Tips for after bingeing:

Do not feel bad about it. This is a mental health issue. Bingeing doesn’t mean you’re weak or worthless, it means you have a disease and you’re trying to get better. You wouldn’t say someone who’s got the flu is weak-willed, and this is exactly the same.

Clean your kitchen and throw away everything that’s left. I know - it’s not ideal to waste food, but chances are, if you have any leftovers that can trigger you, you’ll start bingeing again tomorrow morning. So put everything in a bag and physically walk out of your house and throw it away.

Make yourself a nice cup of tea - if possible, something that will help with digestion.

Cheer yourself up: this was a stumble, and doesn’t negate your achievements and how far you’ve come in your life.

Go to bed early.

Do not fall into the trap of the ‘I might as well’ mentality. This is called black and white thinking and is common in many kinds of mental health issues: the idea is that if you ‘ruined’ your meal or your day or your schedule, ‘you might as well’ give up for the day or the week. This is your mental health issue speaking, and it’s bullshit. I don’t particularly like Jillian Michaels, but she was right when she said ‘Think of it this way: If you got a flat tire, what would you do? Change the tire? Or get out of the car and slash the other three tires? No! Get back on the road. Don't dwell on it; don't beat yourself up. That gets you nowhere.’

You had one bad meal, or one bad day. It doesn’t feel great, but it’s not the end of the world. Have a good night’s sleep and start fresh tomorrow.

General tips:

Binge eating disorder often starts when you use food as a coping mechanism, so work on that. Many of us are messed up because parents generally associate food rewards to good behaviour and good food to joyful occasions, but that connection needs to be broken down. If you had a good day, don’t reward yourself with food (go to a spa, buy yourself some fun earrings or a nice book) and if you had a bad day, absolutely do NOT console yourself with food (call a friend, go to the movies, go to a fun place like an aquarium, buy yourself something nice that’s not food-related).

Unless you’re underweight (check your BMI and fat percentage), pregnant or breastfeeding, do compensate for a binge - in a healthy, sustainable way. Do not have a water fast day, but maybe cut down on portions, sauces or sweets for a couple of days?

I know people say there’s no bad foods and ‘everything in moderation’, but imo that’s not true. We’re surrounded by fake foods that mess with our hormones and bodies, and cutting them out completely can be a great idea. For instance: junk food sucks. I know it’s made so be enjoyable so we enjoy it, but it is what it is. Sugar is also very bad, and should be eaten very rarely, if at all (my favourite book on the subject is The World Corrupted, but there are many out there).

If you’re craving a particular food, make it yourself or get a ‘good’ version of it. Enjoying a restaurant meal with someone or cooking a nice dish or glorious cupcakes for your friends, spouse or kids is much better and more satisfying than hoarding low-quality food from some 7/11 (it might not feel that way in the beginning, but that will get better).

Try to make your health the priority: eat good food (lots of seasonal veggies, grains and beans, healthy fats, quality source proteins), stick to water, tea and some coffee, move around regularly (we should all do some sport that makes our heartbeat raise, but if you’re not used to that a gentle walk around the block is perfectly fine: the idea is to make it a habit), check your vitamin levels (a lack of something will cause bad moods!), manage your stress (easier said than done, but stress does have a very harmful effect on your entire body, so we all have to try what we can).

If you don’t feel in control of your eating, and if your eating habits are affecting your quality of life or preventing you from having a normal life (rapid weight gain or loss, spending money you don’t have, lying to loved ones, recurrent fights over food, obsessive thoughts, withdrawing from social life etc), then SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY. Eating disorders are a disease, and it’s very rare that they get better on their own.

Be patient. You didn’t get an eating disorder overnight, and recovery will also take time. That is fine and normal.

Again, stay the hell away from fat activists and HAES groups.

I hope this helped. Please remember you’re not alone. Eating disorders are extremely common, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Just look after yourself, and treat this as you would any purely physical health issue. Recovery is possible, managing the disease is possible. Just hang in there and best of luck.

#ask #eating disorders for ts #binge eating disorder #ed #bed #bulimia #purging #mental health #life tips #you can do this <3

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berrynarrybanana · 4 years

Text

on a summer evening

The one where Harry met Bea.

Warnings: Alcohol, fainting, asshole men who knock women over in clubs

Word Count: 13k+

P.S I did not edit

July 13, 2018

Harry’s POV

I pressed my lips to the shot glass, tossing back my fourth tequila shot of the night as Jeffrey slipped his hands over my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. I tilted my head back with a goofy grin, resting my head on his shoulder. Next to me, Gemma sputtered out, slapping her shot glass down on the marble bar top with a sour look on her face. I tried not to laugh at it as Jeffrey spoke.

“One more show to go.” Jeff shook my shoulders gently. “You did it man, you did 89 shows on your very first solo tour and you fucking killed it.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you and the band.” I turned my head, smiling at him. “Thanks for always being there for me, Jeffrey.”

“Thank you for letting me be a part of this amazing journey.” Jeffrey said. “Are you excited to have a little time off after this?

“Is it really time off if I’m going to be in the studio recording another album?” I rolled my eyes before turning back to the private bar. I lifted my hand up, catching the bartender’s attention. “Two more tequila shots, mate? Please and thanks.”

“I am not doing another tequila shot.”

With another eye roll, I looked over at my very unamused sister. She was practically swimming in her jean jacket, her hands tucked into the sleeves. I put the pieces together, realizing it was her boyfriend’s jean jacket that she was wearing over her casual outfit for the evening.

“I’m not trying to get shitfaced tonight, H. I have to pick Michael up from LAX tomorrow and I cannot deal with that place when I’m hungover.”

“These shots are for me.” I clarified, playfully scoffing her. The bartender sat them down in front of me and I slid them in front of my body in playful defense. “Think I’m gonna pay for all your alcohol tonight? You’re running a successful business now, aren’t ya? Think you can afford your own tequila shots, mate.”

“Oi, mate,” She whacked my shoulder with her sleeve, her face screwing up as I laughed. “Fuck off.”

I laughed, reaching down for one of the tequila shots. The glass was pressed to my lips, a little bit of tequila spilling onto them, when my name was called from somewhere behind me.

“Harry!”

My blood ran cold as I realized who it was.

Hannah.

I turned in my seat as Jeffrey muttered a ‘good luck, man’ before walking away.

Gemma let out a low whistle and I shot her a quick look before I turned back. Hannah looked like trouble, her blonde hair tied back and her red dress just a little too perfectly snug. I tried not to stare at her body for too long, my eyes snapping back up to her face after I realized she wasn’t alone.

I stood up from my stool, plastering a fake smile on my lips.

“Hi, stranger.” Hanna dropped her new boyfriend’s hand, tossing her arms around my neck for a quick hug. I gave her a half hearted hug back, glancing at the man hovering behind her with an unamused look on his face. “How are you?”

“Doing good love, thanks.” I tried not to let myself get caught up in the scent of her perfume as it wafted over me. Vanilla and citrus tickled my nose, throwing me back to a memory of us cuddled up in bed, her hair dangling over my face as she kissed me. “Hey, mate. Nice to meet you. M’Harry.”

“Greg.” He stuck his hand out and gave it a firm handshake before glancing back at Hannah. She gave him a bright smile, a silent conversation passing between them. A bitter taste sat on my tongue as I watched them. That used to be me. “Nice to finally meet you, bro. Heard a lot about you.”

She seemed happy.

Something about her love drunk smile and her glowing skin set me off.

Why did she get to be happy?

“Are you guys here for the night?” I cleared my throat, leaning back against the bar as Greg slipped his hand around Hannah’s waist, giving it a squeeze.

I hated this.

If hell was a place on earth, then surely I was perishing in the flames right now as I watched the girl I once loved be touched by another man. Even if I didn’t love her anymore, I didn’t want to see anyone else touching her. Especially not the guy she was fucking around with when she was with me. I cleared my throat, shifting around as Hannah nodded.

“Yeah.” She glanced up at Greg before looking back at me. “We’ll be at the show tomorrow though. Got tickets and everything.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Hannah.” I frowned, my brows furrowing. “Would have let you guys hang out in the barricades with everyone else.”

Even though you broke my heart into a million pieces.

“We wanted the full fan experience.”

That was a nice way of saying she didn’t want people to think we were back together. She wanted my fans, my family, and everyone else in the world to know that whatever we used to have was over now. I pressed my lips together in a tight smile, nodding at her.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” She said, leaning over to give me a halfhearted hug. “Don’t get too wasted, I expect to get my money’s worth from your performance.”

“Yeah, I’ll try.” I let out a forced laugh as they walked away.

“Wow.” Gemma whispered beside me. “Think I’ll go ahead and take that shot now, yeah?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled, watching them walk away. “Take as many as you want.”

This was going to be a long fucking night.

****************************

Bea’s POV

“This is the best birthday ever.” Claire shouted over the music, her eyes glued to Emma Stone as she walked by with a drink in her hand. “That’s the fifth celebrity I’ve seen tonight. I can die a happy woman.”

“You think Emma Stone is a good one,” Jackson, one of our closest friends shouted. “I just saw Katy Fucking Perry.”

“I didn’t know that was her middle name.” I called out, causing Claire to bark out a laugh. “I hate to be the one to do this guys, but I have to break the seal.”

My entire group of friend’s groaned and I finished sipping my watermelon margarita.

“It’s the last bar of the night!” Claire shrugged, glancing at everyone else as if to say ‘fuck off, she’s fine’. “Go on, leave me and Emma alone while you’re havin’ a piss. Fix your lipstick while you’re at it! It’s all smudged up and patchy.”

“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes, finishing up the last of my drink before I sat it down on the high top cocktail table we had been hovering at for the last twenty minutes. “I’ll be right back!”

“Hurry up! Twenty minutes until I’m officially twenty-four” She cheered, a bright smile lighting up her face as she looked behind me.

I wasn’t looking forward to pushing my way through the dance floor to get to the ladies room, but the tequila I had consumed tonight definitely did me a few favors. I was feeling frisky and I wasn’t afraid to tell someone off if I needed to. As I walked, trying my best to avoid elbows and asses being tossed in my direction, I started to think about how happy I truly was tonight.

Every bar that we visited during her birthday trip was amazing. We were drunk out of our minds and enjoying every second of it. The real world was long forgotten, any thoughts of work or real life problems dissolved with tequila and laughter. I made a mental note to pat myself on the back for planning such a perfect surprise for her birthday this year.

When I finally made it in the direction of the bathroom, there was a line out the door. Luckily, it was only four girls standing outside the restroom. I made my way to the end of the line, adjusting my purse before I reached for my phone in the small, cross body bag.

“Your dress is so fucking cute,” At first, I wasn’t sure that anyone would be talking to me of all people, but I was wrong. I looked up, a drunken smile on my lips as I noticed the girl in front of me smiling back. “I wish I would have worn something more like that. It’s so hot in here I think I could pass out. Where did you get it?”

“Target!” I cheered out. “The lady gave me a discount on it! She wanted the same dress so I ran back to get it off the rack for her and she took six dollars off!”

“That’s wicked!” She smiled back at me and I could tell that it was genuine. “I’m Madison!”

“Beatrice!” I shouted back. “Nice to meet you Madison!”

“You too,” She nodded.

After a few more minutes of friendly chatting, Madison disappeared into the restroom without another word. I checked my phone, reassuring myself that I hadn’t missed Claire’s official birthday just yet. With a relieved sigh, I shoved my phone back in my purse as a girl came out of the restroom. It didn’t take me long, my flowy dress perfect for drunk peeing.

When I was done washing my hands, I started touching my lipstick up. There were a few drunk girls in a small group gathered just behind me, laughing loudly. I loved watching drunk girls just as much as I loved being a drunk girl. They were always so nice about everything and I adored that.

As I put the top back on my lipstick, a girl walked up next to me.

I glanced at her a few times before I finally decided to walk out, afraid she would find me creepy for my staring. Something about her face and her style was oddly familiar, but I couldn’t put a name to the face. As I continued walking, my mind focused on the girl, I felt a body collide with mine. I let out a squeak, holding my hands out as my body started falling back.

“Oi, mate! Watch where you’re fucking going next time, yeah?” The voice that was shouting sounded like it was right next to my ears and a pair of arms were tightening around my body as I stumbled back. “Fucking drunk pricks think it’s funny to do stupid shit like knock women over.”

I blinked a few times, unclenching my fists as I tried to get my footing back. I slowly opened my eyes, not realizing that I even closed them as the arms that had been around me slipped away, letting me stand on my own. I was thankful I opted out on high heels and went for a pair of closed toed Chelsea boots instead. They were much easier to wear when I was drunk and they were most definitely the reason I was standing steady right now .

When I finally found my feet flat on the ground again, my head started to spin and my skin flushed cold even though my blood was running hot. I had fainted before in my lifetime and this was always the feeling that I got right beforehand. I reached up to press my fingers to my forehead as I swayed, the arms that were around me seconds before slipping back over me again as I reached out, gripping the shoulder of my knight in shining armor.

“Easy there, love.” The voice that spoke before was definitely British and the owner was definitely talking against my ear. I felt a hand slip over my forearm, guiding my arms to rest over their shoulders as their cool breath tickled my skin. “Hey, can you hear me? Talk to me, lovely. Gotta hear your voice.”

“I-” I choked out the word before dropping my head forward. I guess my forehead landed on their chest, the scent of their cologne oddly soothing. “It’s hot in here.”

“You need to get some air?” The voice asked and I nodded. “Alright, let’s get you some air. Come on, love.”

I felt one of his arms slip around my waist, pulling me close to his side as I opened my eyes again. The room was still spinning, but I didn’t feel like I was going to fall anymore.

The arm around me and the reassuring feeling of my savior's side pressed against my own made me think that maybe I was going to be just fine.

*****************************************

Harry’s POV

It all happened in slow motion before me.

I was leaning against a cocktail table, my phone glued to my face as I waited for Gemma to come out of the crowded bathroom. There was a bathroom upstairs for patrons of the private bar, but we had come down to find Jeffrey. He left at some point during Hannah and I’s awkward exchange to find a few of our friends that were coming to join the party upstairs.

When he didn’t return after about twenty minutes, we decided to go looking for him. While Gemma was in the bathroom, I heard a group of guys at the table just a few feet away talking a bunch of shit about their sex lives. With each little lie or arrogant comment made, I rolled my eyes. They sounded like proper fuckboys and I felt sorry for any girl that decided to go home with them tonight.

As I was scrolling through my private instagram, my thumb hovering over an old picture of Hannah and I curled up on the beach behind my Malibu home, I heard a squeal over the loud music in front of me. I snapped my head up, my eyes immediately landing on a girl who was nearly toppling over to the ground and one of the guys from the table I mentioned earlier standing in front of her with wide eyes, watching her fall.

I wasted no time dropping my phone and moving forward.

I slipped my arms under hers, her back colliding with my chest as I crouched down to support her.

“Oi, mate! Watch where you’re fucking going next time, yeah?” I snapped out, moving my body so that I could try and steady the girl on her feet. She was still tense, her hands balled up in fists as if she were still waiting for her body to hit the ground. “Fucking drunk pricks think it’s funny to do stupid shit like knock women over?”

I’m sure someone had caught that on their camera phones and surely they would spread it on every social media platform. The guy in front of me just shrugged it off before turning back to his friends. If that was his tactic to pick up girls, then it was a shit one and I hoped that someday a girl punched him in the face.

Sure, it was a little aggressive, but so was knocking innocent girls over and watching them fall.

As I steadied the girl on her feet, my hands slipping over her soft biceps, Gemma appeared.

“Grab my phone and put it in my pocket.” I said. “I left it on the table behind me.”

“Got it.” She shouted. “What happened.”

I shook my head at her.

I didn’t have time to explain it all right now.

I turned back to the girl as she lifted a hand, pressing it to her forehead. All the blood in her face had drained and even though I had put her back on her feet, she was swaying from side to side with her eyes squeezed shut. She was cute, that was for sure.

I slipped my hands up her arms, grabbing her wrists before dropping them over her shoulders. I rested my hands on her sides, gripping them tightly so that she wouldn’t fall over. Gemma slipped my phone in my front pocket before leaning up to shout in my ear.

“Gonna keep looking for Jeff.” She told me. “Be careful.”

“You be careful.” I said. “Call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

The girl stumbled a little and I tightened my grip.

“Easy there, love.” My lips brushed over the shell of her ear as I spoke. The floral scent of her hair tickled my nose and I tried not to dwell on the comforting smell. “Can you hear me? Talk to me, lovely. Gotta hear your voice.”

“I-” She choked out the word, her body swaying forward and her forehead pressing against my pectoral muscle as her arms tightened around my neck. “It’s hot in here.”

“You need to get some air?” I called out, flexing my fingers against the plush skin of her sides.

She was so soft under my touch and the boyish part of my mind wondered what it would feel like to grip her sides just like this while I was fucking into her from behind. I cleared my throat, pushing those thoughts far, far into the back of my mind. Now was not the time or place to pop a stiffy over a stranger I just met in a nightclub.

“Alright, let’s get you some air. Come on, love.”

I let my right arm slip over her waist, pulling her in close to my side as her arms dropped in front of us. Her head lolled onto my shoulder and for a second I was worried that she had passed out, but she quickly pulled it back up with a soft shake. Her right hand fell down against my own on her waist and I reached over with my left hand to grab hers. I prayed that I could get her down the hall and into the private elevator without anyone else catching me.

The last thing I needed was for this to be on the internet alongside a video of me shouting at a stranger in a bar. I pulled her along, past the table of jackasses and a few more groups of friends. I just had to get her past the bathroom and to the elevator in one piece before we made it upstairs to fresh air and a softer scene and quieter people.

Occasionally on our walk I would glance over at her just to make sure she was still conscious and I wasn’t dragging her along beside me. I noticed that she had finally opened her eyes, but I couldn’t see what color they actually were from the angle I was standing at. We were nearly to the elevator when she stopped dead in her tracks, snapping her head up to look up at me with wide eyes.

My eyes trailed over her face and down her body, searching for any injuries I might have missed.

“What’s wrong?” I quickly, tightening my grip on her waist. “You alright?”

“My best friend.” She blinked up at me, her strawberry red lips set in a deep frown and the skin between her thick brows wrinkled. My heart skipped a beat at just how cute she looked like this. I quickly shook the thought away. “It’s her birthday and I was supposed to get back to our table.”

“We’ll give her a shout when we get in the elevator.” I said. “S’alright. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“I don’t have my purse.” She said, looking down at her body and then up at me. “I- I must have lost it. Fuck, it’s probably on the floor and my phone-”

When her eyes met mine, she looked a little nervous as if I would be mad at her for losing her purse after nearly being knocked to the ground.

I gave her a gentle smile.

“I’ll go get it.”

The faster I ran back for the purse, the faster I could get her upstairs and myself out of the public eye. I glanced around, my eyes finding an empty spot against the hallway wall where no other patrons of the club were crowded. It would be easier to leave her there than to take her back with me. I walked us over and slipped my arm from around her waist, settling it on her upper arm instead to guide her back to the wall.

“M’gonna leave you right here and go get your purse, okay?” I ducked down, looking into her eyes.

They were blue.

Just a standard blue, no other colors mixed into her irises. They were pretty, shaded by her dark lashes and complemented by the orange eyeshadow and highlighter on her cheekbones.

“It’s black.” She said. “It’s got a little gold buckle on the front. It’s Kate Spade.”

“Alright.” I nodded, my lips ticking up at the corners. She had a pretty voice, but she was a bit louder than she needed to be. “Gonna leave my phone with you. If anyone tries to mess with you or you just feel unsteady, dial 911.”

I couldn’t leave her my unlocked phone with all of my personal information in it. That would be a terrible idea. She was cute, but I still didn’t know her. Besides, there was no way for her to even call me if she had my phone. She had a better chance calling the cops for help than me anyways.

“You don’t have to.” She said quickly. “I’ll be fine.”

“What if you nearly faint again?” I asked, my brows quirking up.

She snapped her mouth shut as I slipped my hands from her sides.

I nodded quickly, pursing my lips out at her before I reached into my back pocket, slipping my phone out. I leaned back down, steadying myself with a hand on her bicep as I spoke into her ear.

“I’ll be back in a tick.” I said softly, giving the fleshy part of her arm a soft squeeze.

“Okay.”

With that, I left her there in the back corner of the hallway before jetting off.

As my feet carried me on, two questions kept running through my mind.

What was her name and why did I feel so attracted to a girl I didn’t even know?

*********************************

Bea’s POV

I was holding Harry Styles’s phone in my hand.

The moment I looked into his eyes, I knew who he was.

I had been a huge fan of One Direction since the beginning of their career and even though Harry wasn’t my favorite member, I still loved him dearly. I had been following his solo career from Dunkirk to his debut album. Now I was standing against a wall, waiting for him to return with my purse. Part of me wanted to say something to him about my knowledge of his existence.

The other part of me knew better than to do that. It would be embarrassing and I wouldn’t blame him if he left me downstairs on my own afterwards. As much as I hated to admit it, I still felt dizzy and I actually needed some fresh air. I was surprised that he hadn’t left me to my own devices already, if I was being honest with myself. I was just a stranger in a club and he was Harry Styles.

The situation didn’t make sense in my hazy brain.

I gripped his phone tight in my hands, afraid that it might fall out of my clutches and land in the wrong set of hands. I was the only one in the dimly lit hallway, but my irrational fear was there to stay. Surely he would be mad if I lost it. My knees were still wobbly and I was still lightheaded but I was admittedly feeling much better than before.

I dropped my head against the wall behind me. I was more upset and worried about missing Claire’s official birthday than being pushed over by a drunken asshole. I had left her all alone on her birthday while Harry Styles was carting me off to a rooftop to get some air. Before I could dwell on it more, I felt a warm hand land on my bicep, the touch breaking me from my thoughts.

When I snapped my head up, I saw Harry standing there.

“Are you okay?” He ducked down, his breath washing over my skin and sending chills down my spine. “Still feeling dizzy?

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Alright, let’s get you upstairs.” He pulled back, giving me a soft smile before slipping his arm back over my waist.

I wasn’t sure that I needed his arm for support anymore, but I didn’t know how to politely tell him that, so I let it be. His cologne was strong and the smell was almost calming to my senses. All of the panic that I had before was washed away with one whiff of vanilla and tobacco. When we finally made it to the elevator, he leaned over to press the button and my eyes caught a glimpse at his tattoos and his rings.

I had forgotten all about his tattoos, my eyes stuck on the giant anchor inked on his wrist. I wanted to reach over and touch it, but I knew that would probably make me seem insane. Instead, I tightened my grip around his phone. When the elevator doors opened, he glanced down at me with that smile again. The dimple carved into his cheek and his cologne were making me feel dizzy again.

I turned forward, taking a deep breath with my eyes closed.

“Do you feel like you’re going to faint again?” Harry’s arm tightened around my waist and I jumped a little, gripping his phone so tight that I’m sure my knuckles were white. “Can I do anything?”

“I’m okay, just a little shaky.” I squeaked out, taking a deep breath as the elevator started to move.

Out of instinct, one of my hands flew out as a way to steady myself, searching for something to hold onto.

“I’ve got yeh.” He slipped his fingers through mine and I let out a groan as he chuckled beside me.

“S’not funny.” I mumbled, slowly my eyes before looking up at him. “I’m like bambi on ice skates.”

“You’re drunk and your equilibrium is thrown off.” He said softly. “It’s okay, I promise we’re almost to the top.”

“Thank god for that.”

---------------------------------------

Harry’s POV

Maybe you should just let her go, Harry. I’m sure she can stand on her own.

I rolled my eyes, looking up at the ceiling as I ignored the voice in my head.

I wasn’t ready to let her go yet.

“I still need to call your friend,” I said softly. She gave a quick nod, releasing my hand to fish around in her bag for her phone. After a few seconds, she had her phone unlocked and on a contact name. I tightened my arm around her waist, as I held the phone to my ear. “Thanks, love.”

“Where are you!” The voice on the other end of the line was loud, but the music behind the voice was much louder. “Are you okay? You left for the bathroom forever ago and it does not take that long to reapply lipstick. Did someone kidnap you?”

“She’s not been kidnapped.” I tried not to laugh, fearing that the girl and her friend would think me crazy for finding her panic comical. “My name is Harry. Someone knocked your friend over earlier and she looked a little unsteady. M’taking her up to the rooftop now so she can get some fresh air and cool down for a minute.”

“There’s a rooftop?” Her friend asked. “Where is she now?”

“We’re in the elevator.” I said. “If you want to meet my sister down by the bathroom, she’ll come up with you. It’s an exclusive section of the club and you can’t just...walk into it. Gotta have a code. I’ll have my sister wait for you. Her name is Gemma.”

“You’re Harry Styles.” Her friend stated casually as we shuffled into the elevator. I reached out to hit the rooftop button before slipping my arm back behind her. “Interesting.”

“Is that okay?” I asked, glancing down at Bea as the elevator doors closed.

“Yeah, I don’t… you’re cool, I guess.” She said. “I’m not exactly alone though. There are like...six of us.”

“Oh.” I said softly. “Is everyone else going to be okay with the whole….Harry Styles thing?”

“Yeah.” She laughed. “No offense, but Beatrice and I are the only two people who know that you’re an amazing and wonderfully talented being. They won’t even bat an eye.”

“Good.” I said. “And if...I don’t know, Beyonce were to walk by?”

“We’ve already seen her.” Claire said casually. “No problem.”

“I’ll see you soon then.” I laughed. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Claire.” She said. “My name is Claire.”

“Goodbye Claire.” I said. “And happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks.”

The phone beeped as she ended the call and I extended my hand out, offering the girl her phone. She took it back with a quiet thank you before stuffing it in her purse. She cleared her throat, trying to stand up a little straighter. There was a lot more light in the elevator and I could see her much better. I studied the freckles on her face, her skin glowing around her cheekbones and her forehead.

She was really pretty.

There was something about the soft features of her face and her plush cheeks that made my lips twist up into a smile. She looked up at me, her thick brows pulling together in the middle just a little bit as she gave me a curious smile.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, straightening out my smile as I reached up to scratch at my jaw quickly. She had caught me staring. “Um, what’s your name?”

“Beatrice.” She said softly, her lips dropping down into a frown. “You can call me Bea if you want to though.”

“Beatrice. That’s a very pretty name.” I said, turning my eyes back to the elevator doors as they opened. “Like I told your friend, the rooftop bar is a little exclusive. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, glancing at me with a secretive smirk on her lips. “Haven’t freaked out yet, have I?”

“Ah, you do know who I am then.” I tightened my arm around her waist and she laughed, giving me a quick nod. “Claire might have mentioned that.”

“Unfortunately, I know way too much about you.” She laughed, her cheeks turning pink as we started to walk. “I was a huge One Direction fan, like a...a massive, massive One Direction fan.”

I let out a laugh, a genuine laugh that pulled from my belly, sending an echo through the air after.

“Are you teasing me?” I asked, my voice slipping up an octave. “S’not ‘Treating People With Kindness’ is it?”

“Who said you were my favorite solo artist?” She asked, cocking a brow up. “‘Treat People with Kindness’ what does that even mean?”

I sputtered, my eyes growing wide as I shook my head. She was really teasing me and it was so fucking adorable. I stared down at her in shock as she tried not to laugh at her own joke.

“You’re mean.” I said, a teasing lilt to my own voice. “I’m taking you back.”

She laughed softly as we continued to walk around the wooden boards of the private bar. There was a sofa nestled in the corner of the bar I had reserved for myself and my friends. There were already bottles of water and a few different beverages tucked away in an ice bucket. I guess my friends would be making new friends tonight.

“Niall was my favorite for a while, but you stole my heart eventually.” She confessed as we walked past the first bar and turned a corner.

I looked down at her, blinking in disbelief.

She seemed confused at first, but it hit her seconds later.

“I did not mean...I wasn’t teasing that time, I swear.” She held a hand up in defense, trying her best not to laugh. She rolled her lips in, looking at me with wide eyes as I watched her face. I had already said it before, but fuck she was cute. “I completely forgot about that song, to be honest. I’ll take the jokes down a notch.”

“You’re rather cute, you know that?” I whispered, narrowing my eyes playfully. She blinked up at me, her cheeks now a beautiful shade of pink. “Like...right now, even through the dark, I can tell that you don’t know what makes you beautiful.”

Immediately, her shoulders started to shake as she let out a laugh. She reached up to rest her hang over her mouth as a few little giggles slipped from her lips. I laughed with her, but I mainly kept my eyes on her. The way her eyes crinkled up at the corner, the tears that formed on her water line as she laughed a little harder, the way she held her hand over her mouth like she was hiding something.

Maybe she was insecure about her smile?

She had one of those silent laughs, but every few seconds she would take a breath and she would let out a little squeak. We had to stop walking for a second and she turned a little, hiding her face in my shoulder. I don’t think she was trying to be flirty, it looked more like a habit than anything, like she was hiding her face from me. When she was done giggling at me, she reached up to wipe at the corner of her eye as if a tear had fallen out.

“That was….wow.” She rolled her lips in again, shaking her head at me. “You got me there, Styles.”

We started walking again and I remembered that I had to text Gemma and let her know to meet Beatrice’s friends downstairs. I cursed under my breath, reaching into my pocket to grab my phone. Beatrice didn’t say anything, but a few seconds later, I felt her arm slip around my back.

It was probably more comfortable for her than letting her arm hang between us, occasionally bumping into my thigh with each step we took together.

I welcomed it, returning her smile with one of my own. If she were my girlfriend, I would lean down to press a few kisses to her strawberry red lips right about now. Shooing away the thought, I lifted my phone to my ear.

“I can’t find Jeff.” She sounded frustrated. “I don’t know where he is.”

“Forget Jeff, he can handle himself.” I said, my brows pulling together. I didn’t want her getting caught up in a crowd on her own. “Just head back upstairs. There’s a girl named Claire downstairs waiting for you-”

“I’m not walking one of your fuck buddies upstairs.”

“She’s not my fuck buddy, dickhead.” I snapped at her, looking up to the sky in disbelief. “She’s Beatrice’s friend.”

“Oi, don’t call me dickhead you knob.” Gemma snapped back. “Who is Beatrice?”

“The girl, Gemma. The one we were just with downstairs.” I rolled my eyes, looking back down at Bea as she tried not to laugh at me. “Just bring her and their other friends up with you and be nice. It’s her birthday.”

“Oh, joy.” Gemma said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye,” I said. “Love you.”

“Love you too, knobhead.”

I hung up the phone, rolling my eyes at my sister. I looked up, noticing that we had made it to the back corner of the bar where my section was reserved. I tightened my arm around Beatrice for a second, catching her attention. She had been too busy looking at the decor and the fairy lights around us. When we finally walked up to Frank, the bouncer assigned to my section, I gave him a curt nod.

He lifted the rope and I guided Beatrice into the little area with a sectional, a loveseat, and a large table with snacks and drinks in the middle of it all. I let go of her, walking over to the bucket of ice with drinks stuffed in it. I grabbed a bottle of water, turning back to hand it to her, but she looked like she had gone into shock again. I turned behind me, realizing what she was staring at. With a soft smile, I walked over to her, careful not to block her view of the city below.

“Holy fuck.” She whispered.

The lights were hitting her eyes and I swore it looked like there was a twinkle in the ocean of blue in her eyes. I watched as a soft breeze rustled up her red hair. A few strands stuck to her lips, catching in her lipstick, but she quickly reached up to brush them away. This view was nothing to me. It was one I had seen a million times. I had seen the view of this city from practically every single angle. I didn’t need to turn around to watch the lights of the city with childlike wonder. There was a new view that I wanted to commit to memory. The view of this beautiful stranger standing in front of me.

“This is so beautiful, Harry.” That was the first time I heard her say my name but it nearly knocked my feet out from under me this time. There was nothing muddling or overpowering her voice now.

“It really is, isn’t it.” I said softly. “It’s breathtaking.”

When she looked back at me, I think she realized I wasn’t talking about the city below us.

___________________________________

Bea’s POV

Harry Styles was charming.

He also couldn’t keep his eyes off of me and it was kind of shocking to me. How could someone so angelic and beautiful be fascinated by someone as ordinary as me. Every time I caught him looking at me, it took my breath away. Part of me was worried that he was only doing it to pull me into some trap. Maybe he was just looking to take someone home tonight. When my friends made it upstairs, especially my beautiful Claire, I was afraid he’d stop staring at me altogether.

If he wanted to take someone home, she was the girl for it.

She was drop dead gorgeous and they would look so good together. When we finally sat down on the soft outdoor sectional, Harry made sure that I was able to see the view of the city behind him. He cocked his left leg up on the sofa and dropped his arm over the back. Occasionally his fingertips would brush over the skin of my bicep and every time it sent chills up my spine.

“Where are you from?” Harry asked me softly. “You don’t sound like Los Angeles?”

“What do I sound like?” I cocked a brow up, intrigued by his statement.

“Charleston.” He said slowly, his own brows pinching together.

“I have family down there.” She nodded. “My dad was born and raised right outside of Charleston, but he moved to Virginia before I was born. That’s where I’m from.”

“Virginia.” He nodded. “Is that where you live now?”

“No, actually.” I cleared my throat, turning my body towards his. “Claire and I live right outside of Georgetown in Washington, D.C.”

“Claire is your roommate?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “We met a few years ago. I actually used to be her boss.”

“Really?” Harry laughed softly. “What do you do?”

“Well, I was a manager at a hotel when I met Claire.” I started. “But I work in Sales now. I do a lot of the event planning and I deal with the catering team a lot.”

“Do you like it?” He asked softly.

That was a new question.

Most people just assumed that I loved my job. I really didn’t though. I had fallen into the hospitality industry as a teenager and after receiving two promotions before I turned twenty, I felt like I owed it to the company to stay with them. I hated my job, but I never let anyone know that. I was grateful to even have the opportunity to have a career most people didn’t have until their mid thirties. Harry’s eyes were trained on my face as I tried to think of the right words to say.

“No.” That would do, I suppose. “I actually really hate it. But I’ve been with the company since I was eighteen. They’ve given me a lot of great opportunities. Most people take ten years to get where I’m at in a hospitality career.”

“What would you like to do?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I gave him a soft smile. “I have a question for you now, Mr. Styles.”

“Ask away.” He giggled, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. He was so pretty and I didn’t know how I was even keeping it together.

“Why am I up here with you?” I asked softly, slipping my hands to my lap so that I could pick at the skin around my nails. It was a bad habit, but I was nervous and I couldn’t help it. “You could have given me my water and sent me back by now. Hell, you didn’t even have to bring me upstairs if we’re going there.”

Before Harry could answer my question, I heard my voice behind me.

“Beatrice Noelle!”

I snapped my head around to see Claire walking past the bouncer in front of Harry’s private section, our other friends following behind casually. I felt his fingers brush over my shoulder again and I glanced back at him.

He was trying to not smile, but I could tell he was amused by Claire.

“We aren’t finished with this conversation.” Harry whispered in my ear, pulling back with a soft smile.

He winked at me, shocking me further for a second before I remembered that everyone was right behind us. I stood up, shuffling in Claire’s direction with a dramatic pout on my lips.

“I’m so sorry, Claire.” I slipped my arms around her and she squeezed me tight. Claire was the same height as Harry and with my heeled boots on, my nose just barely brushed over her shoulder. “I’ve completely ruined your birthday! Some guy on the dance floor-”

“Harry told me.” She pulled back, placing her hands on my face just as Harry had done earlier. I let her inspect me with concerned eyes. “You’re alright though? No bumps and bruises on this lovely face of yours?”

“I’m fine.” I rolled my eyes, reaching up to swipe her hands off my face as Harry chuckled behind me. I shot him a look over my shoulder and he held his hands up in front of his chest as a defense. I turned back to Claire, giving her a soft smile. “We can head back down now if you want to Claire? I’m feeling better now.”

“You don’t have to go anywhere.” Harry said from behind me, rising to his feet as if he would have to physically stop me from leaving. I rolled my lips in, glancing behind me. I felt his hand play at the fabric of my dress before I felt the warmth of his hand on my side. “Please feel free to stay up here. There’s a nice view, it’s a lot less crowded, and there’s free alcohol.”

“We’ll stay.” Claire said before holding her hand out past me. “Claire Nelson, nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” Harry shook her hand before turning back to our other friends. “And everyone else?”

“I’m Matt.” He stuck his hand out, his shoulders squared up. “Thanks for taking care of Bambi. She’s definitely the clumsy one out of the group.”

“That’s the truth.” Chloe laughed behind Matt, her hand resting on his lower back as she waited for Harry to finish shaking the tall blonde hair. “I’m Chloe, Matt’s girlfriend.”

“Lovely to meet you both.” Harry smiled, turning to Tara next. “And you are?”

“I’m Tara,” She said casually, quickly shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You as well.” He said. “And last but certainly not least-”

“Jackson.” The most boisterous and positive of us all. “I just loved you in dunkirk. You did such a good job, I felt terrified when you were going off on that poor french boy.”

“Thank you so much,” Harry chuckled, his finger tightening on my waist as he settled back in place next to me. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it.”

“Thank you for inviting us up here,” Chloe said. “It’s stunning.”

“It’s not a problem at all.” We made eye contact and he shot me a wink before looking back at everyone. “Have a seat, make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you.” Claire plopped down next to my previous spot as Harry’s sister walked past the table and towards the love seat.

She dropped down to it, pulling out her phone immediately as Harry and I settled back in our original seating. I felt her eyes practically burning a hole in the side of my face as I looked up at Harry. His eyes were trained on me again and I felt my face heating up under his fond gaze.

“Gemma, let’s go grab a few drinks at the bar?” Harry suggested, glancing at his sister over his shoulder before looking back at me. He rested his palm on my knee and I shivered at the feeling of his cold rings on my skin. “What would you like?”

“I’m fine.” I said softly. “You don’t have-”

“Someone has been indulging in watermelon margaritas all night.” Claire spoke up from beside me, poking my side as I glared at her.

“And what would you like, Claire?” Harry chuckled looking back at my friend.

“Same thing.” She smiled. “Thank you, Harry.”

“Harry, you really don’t have to-” I started, but he interrupted me.

“It’s fine, Bea.” He gave me a soft chuckle. “Think I can swing a few drinks for the birthday girl and her friends without draining my bank account. Gemma and I will be back in a second. Just make yourselves at home.”

“I’m sure they will.” Gemma grumbled under her breath.

My whole body went cold as I looked over at his sister.

She was glaring at me and even though she shared the same eye color as her brother, her eyes were a cold contrast to the warm green of Harry’s.

“Gemma.” Harry snapped her name, standing up from his spot on the couch. “Knock it off.”

“Whatever.” She stood up, practically flying out of the private section without another word.

Harry looked down at me, his own cheeks flushing pink for once.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly. “She’s a bit overprotective sometimes.”

“I don’t blame her.” I mumbled, offering him a reassuring smile. I don’t know what came over me, but I reached up to squeeze his hand softly. “Don’t worry about it. I would be the same if my brother was a super famous rockstar.”

I winked at Harry and he let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head as he squeezed my hand back.

“I’ll be right back.” He said. “Don’t miss me while I’m gone.”

“We’ll try not to.” Claire laughed, watching Harry as he slipped his hand from mine and walked away.

When he was out of earshot, Claire turned to me with wide eyes.

“What the fuck is happening?” She said under her breath. “That is Harry Styles! Are we...is this a fanfiction that we’re living in because it feels like it!”

“I really don’t know.” I whispered, leaning closer to her. “He just...he caught me before I fell and then he went back to find my purse and we were joking with each other in the elevator and he won’t stop looking at me Claire. I mean, proper puppy dog gazes. He’s so sweet.”

“He seems quite...smitten.” She smiled. “You do too. What was that thing with your hands a minute ago. You just reached up like it was yours to grab.”

“I know!” I leaned back into the sofa, rubbing my hands over my face. “It just kind of happened, like I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it happened.”

“I know one thing, that’s for sure.” She laughed, slipping her hand up to pinch at my cheek. “You two look damn cute together and I’m not letting you leave without his number. Unless you plan on leaving with him, that would be okay too.”

“Claire.”

----------------------------------------

Harry’s POV

“What is your deal?” I let out a frustrated sigh as Gemma and I walked towards the bar. “She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“You don’t even know her, Harry.” Gemma snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Neither do you!” I rolled my eyes, leaning against the bar. The bartender was helping someone else down at the other end of the bar, so I sat there patiently as my sister pouted.

“You just snapped at me!” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“You were being mean.” I sighed, holding my hands up. “You practically called her a groupie in front of her friends”

“Isn’t she?” Gemma snorted.

I snapped my head to look at her with a harsh glare.

“No.” I shook my head. “She’s actually very sweet. For the first time in a very long time, Gemma, I was just Harry. I was having fun with a very sweet girl and I wasn’t stressing about albums or tours or ex girlfriends who want to do me in. I was just having fun.”

Her face fell, but before she could speak, the bartender walked up to me.

“Hey, mate.” I gave him a smile. “Do you have any kind of cake here? My friend just told me it’s her birthday and I didn’t come prepared.”

“We have a triple berry trifle, it’s angel food cake with berries and cream.” The bartender said. “I can have a few slices sent over to your table if you’d like.”

“That would be perfect, we would need four slices.” I nodded. “Also, can you bring out champagne with the cake?”

“Yeah, no problem.” He nodded. “You want your usual as well?”

“Yes,” I nodded before listing off the drinks everyone had asked for.

“Absolutely.” He nodded. “Would you like me to delay the cake so you guys have time to finish these drinks up.”

“That would be perfect, thank you so much.” I nodded as he scooped some ice up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give her a chance.” Gemma said from beside me. “Her friend was telling me that she’s a model and I just got a little skeptical about it all. You really don’t need another model in your life.”

“I really don’t. But Beatrice is really kind, Gem.” I laughed, tossing my arm around her shoulder before kissing the side of her head dramatically, making a lot of noise. She pushed her hand against my side, rolling her eyes. “I can take care of myself though Gem. I really like her so far and I just…just give her a chance.”

“Fine.” She grumbled. “Go take the pretty girl her drink. I’ll keep the friends distracted while you two flirt.”

“Thanks, G.” I chuckled. “I love you.”

“Love you too, knobhead.”

---------------------------

Bea’s POV

Harry had the bar send over cake for Claire and Mitch’s joint birthday.

When they set the cake down, I practically melted into a puddle of mush right then and there. He ducked down to whisper in my ear as the staff sang happy birthday to my best friend. He told me that everyone deserved cake on their birthday. When the champagne came over, Claire was so excited that she practically jumped out of her chair and launched at Harry for a hug. Right after cake, Jeffrey (I learned that he was Harry’s tour manager and close friend. He was the reason Harry went downstairs in the first place), Sarah (his drummer), and Mitch(his guitar player and close friend) joined us. They had been stuck downstairs, mingling with some old friends in the bar while we were upstairs.

As everyone made friendly conversation, my eyes started to grow heavy. It was nearing the end of the night and I wasn’t nearly drunk enough to be energetic. Instead, the alcohol that was in my system and the sound of Harry’s voice were lulling me to sleep. I tried my best to sit up straight, but at some point I started leaning against the back of the couch. It didn’t take long for Harry to slip his arm from the back of the couch to rest on my shoulders. After that, I was moving closer and closer to him with every breath I took.

“I think it might be time to call it.” Gemma let out a loud yawn from the loveseat, her legs tucked under her and her head lolled to the side. “I have to be at the airport so early tomorrow.”

“Yeah, it is really late.” Claire glanced over at me, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’re practically asleep, aren’t you Bea? Someone’s gonna have to carry you out.”

“Pretty much.” I mumbled, reaching up to rub at my eyes with the knuckles of my fingers. “Been up for nearly 25 hours.”

“Before we part ways, I would like to have a toast.” Claire said softly. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “Go ahead birthday girl.”

Claire reached for her half empty glass of champagne, lifting it in the air. Harry shifted closer to me, catching my body as I started to fall closer to him. I was cuddled into the crook of his arm now, our thighs pressed together and my head just below his chin, resting on his shoulder. I felt him turn his head and I could have sworn that he sniffed at the hair on my head before giving me a soft kiss.

It made my heart swell in my chest and when I looked up at him with a soft smile, he just returned it with tired eyes. Something came over me and I tilted my head, pressing a kiss to the stubbly skin of his jaw and then to the dimple carved in his cheek. I giggled when I pulled back, basking in the fact that I had shocked him with my action.

I turned back to Claire quickly, hoping that no one caught me kissing his cheek.

“I would like to raise a toast to my very best friend.” She said. “This morning, I was stuck at home wallowing about my birthday and getting old. Beatrice has been listening to me cry about it for months. She knew I wasn’t excited to turn twenty-eight, so she decided to plan this wonderful birthday trip to Los Angeles so that I could have fun on my birthday. This toast is for her, the most selfless and kind hearted woman that I know. Thank you, Beatrice, for giving me the best birthday of my life.”

“Aww, Claire Bear.” I leaned over, wrapping my arms around her. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“To Bea.” She said, clinking the tip of her glass to mine.

I leaned back towards Harry and he dropped his glass down, tipping the top towards mine as everyone continued to toast to me. They went back to their conversation in no time, leaving Harry and I on our own as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“To you.” He whispered, giving me a gentle smile. His dimple popped out again when he smiled and I had to resist the urge to lean forward and kiss it again. I looked down to his lips, my mind trailing off to the thought of them pressing into mine. “What?”

“I just…” I stopped myself. “Nothing.”

His brows crinkled and he gave me a confused smile.

I didn’t want this night to ever end.

------------------------------

Harry’s POV

Beatrice kept looking at my lips and I knew she wanted to kiss me.

I wanted to kiss her too. I wanted to kiss for so long that when I was done, she was breathless. I wanted her to pull away with swollen red lips, no lipstick, and flushed cheeks. There were a lot of other things I wanted to do to her, but I had to wipe those thoughts from my mind. This wasn’t a girl I was trying to take to my hotel room for a quick fuck.

This was a girl I really liked, a girl I was about to ask out on a proper date.

I could only hope that she was in town for a few more days. I knew that she brought Claire to L.A for her birthday, but I didn’t know when she was leaving. A small pang of hurt rang through my chest as I realized how my previous girlfriend’s must have felt when I showed up just to turn around and leave again. I never wanted Bea to leave my side.

It was a bit early to think like that, but it was how I felt about her.

“What?” I asked her as she looked down at my lips again. She licked over her bottom lip before tucking the fleshy part between her teeth.

“I just…” She trailed off, her eyes slipping back up to mine. “Nothing.”

“When do you leave?” I whispered as our friends talked around us.

“Tuesday.” It was Friday...technically Saturday right now. There was still time. “We fly out in the afternoon.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked.

“I’m not sure.” She said. “It’s up to Claire.”

That was a good thing.

If there was one thing I knew about Claire and Beatrice, it was that they would do anything to make the other one happy. That was clear in the way they talked to each other and about each other. I glanced over at Claire who was having a deep conversation with my sister and then back down to Beatrice. For a brief second, I saw black ink on the inside of her left arm. I reached down, using my thumb to turn her arm softly. She looked down with me, my eyes trailed over the insect tattooed on her forearm. I heard her clear her throat as she shifted her arm so that I could see it better.

How had I not noticed that earlier?

“It’s a honeybee.” She whispered softly. “Most people think it’s a fly because I didn’t put any color in, but it’s not.”

“I really like it.” I whispered. “It kind of reminds me of one of my own tattoos. Got a giant butterfly on my stomach.”

I plucked at my shirt around where my tattoo was.

“I’d like to see it someday.” She said softly.

I knew she meant it innocently, but I couldn’t help but imagine her settled on my thighs, her hands pressed into the tattoo as she moved her hips. I looked up at her, catching her eyes as she realized the double meaning to her statement.

She opened her mouth, ready to backtrack, but I stopped her.

“I wanted to know what you’re doing tomorrow because it’s my last show.” I said quickly. “I want you to come.”

“Really?” She sounded genuinely surprised by my offer and it took me by surprise.

Didn’t she know that I liked her?

I could hardly keep my hands off of her.

“Yeah,” I said. “Everyone can tag along if they’re interested.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” I nodded. “You can stand down in the barricades with Gemma and her boyfriend. He flies in tomorrow...well technically today. We can do dinner before the show and everything.”

“Like a date?” She asked, her eyes searching my face.

“I haven’t been on a proper date in a really long time.” I confessed. “I mainly just hang out with people and see where things go. I...it can be a date, but I don’t think it should be.”

Her face fell and I closed my eyes, realizing that I was avoiding her question.

“I don’t think it’s fair to call it a date because I’ll be on stage most of the night, not with you.” I said softly. “That wouldn’t be fair to you and very narcissistic of me.”

“Well…” She pursed her lips, a playful hint in her tone. “Tomorrow night we can just hang out. But...I think you deserve a proper date.”

“Is that so?” I let out a nervous giggle, my chest feeling lighter as she nodded. “Are you going to show me what a proper date is?”

“I would like to.” She said. “Will you let me?”

I realized then that I would do anything she wanted me to do if it meant that I was able to spend more time with her.

I was totally fucked.

------------------------

Bea’s POV

Harry had to say goodbye to me on the rooftop.

He seemed upset that he couldn't see me downstairs to the uber he ordered for me, but I understood. I wasn’t too keen on being crowded and harassed by paparazzi at this point in the night. My makeup was nearly gone, I was still tipsy, and I was extremely tired. Everyone else filtered out before us, Mitch and Sarah glued together behind Jeffrey and Claire and Gemma chatting away.

The plan was to ride the elevator down together and separate before we got to the door. Harry and I were still lollygagging by the couch, not ready to go back to the real world waiting for us downstairs. For the first time in my life, I wanted to go home with someone. I wanted to curl up next to Harry and listen to him talk for hours and hours.

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” Harry brushed his fingers over the warm skin of my cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind my ears. “I feel like we didn’t have enough time.”

“We have tomorrow.”

My hands were resting on his abdomen and I wondered if his butterfly tattoo was underneath my fingers. I looked up at him with a sad smile, letting him know that I felt the same way.

“You asked me earlier why I didn’t send you back downstairs,” He started, licking over his bottom lip as his eyes shifted away from mine for a second.

I could see that he was trying to find the right words to say and that sent a rush of butterflies through my stomach. I wondered for a moment if that’s what his tattoo meant. His eyes found mine again and I gave him a soft smile, reassuring him that I wanted to hear what he had to say.

“It’s okay.” I whispered, gripping the soft cotton of his shirt. “You can say it.”

“You’re very sweet and kind. It’s been a long time since someone has made me feel this way. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. I feel so...giddy. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. When I was talking to you, I didn’t feel like Harry Styles. I felt like Harry, a really nervous guy in front of a beautiful girl.” He confessed, his hands cradling my neck just as they did in the bar earlier. My eyes fell to his lips again and I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Are you going to kiss me now?” I whispered. “Because I would really, really like it if you did.”

“Fuck yes.” Harry let out a soft chuckle before leaning forward to press his lips to mine.

I smiled into the kiss, slipping my hand up his chest and towards the back of his neck as he tilted my head up gently with his thumbs, deepening the kiss. Our friends cheered behind us, whooping and whistling as Harry tilted me back just a little. It took a few minutes for us to pull away, his teeth tugging at my bottom lip as I pulled back with my eyes still closed.

He let out a whine, pecking my lips a few more times before ducking his head down, his temple pressed to my cheek we both laughed, shoulders shaking gently. My cheeks were sore from the amount of smiling I had been doing and there was an ache in my core from laughing too hard.

“That was nice.” I massaged the nape of his neck softly with the tips of my fingers. “We have to go.”

“I can’t leave you after you kissed me like that.” He lifted his head, narrowing his eyes at me playfully as he dropped his hands from my neck to my sides. “Don’t go.”

“I have to. Besides, you need to rest.” I whispered as his fingers dug into my skin, holding me tighter. He pouted at me and my heart squeezed in my chest. Why was he so cute? “We’ll see each other in a few hours, remember?”

“S’too long.” His words were slurred now and his accent was thicker. I could tell how tired he was by the way he pulled me towards him. “But I guess you’re right.”

“Listen, I will separate you two myself if I have to.” Gemma’s voice was a lot closer now. Harry retaliated by slinking his arms around me, pulling me into a hug as if to say, ‘Go ahead and try to pull us apart’ to his sister. I laughed, letting my hands settle on his shoulders.

“Harry, you have to let go.” I whispered in his ear. “I promise I’m all yours tomorrow.”

“Must the women in my life always torture me?” He groaned, shifting his head so that he could press a kiss to my shoulder. “I guess I’ll let go.”

“Good boy, Harry.” Gemma cooed playfully and I could hear Claire laughing. “Let’s go, come on now.”

“M’not a bloody dog.” Harry pulled away from me, but his hand dropped down to mine. He laced our fingers together as he glared over at his sister. He glanced back down at me, his lips still settled in a pout. “See how she treats me? You’re gonna let her go home with me? I might not make it until tomorrow.”

I tossed my head back, laughing at his adorable and pouty face.

“Oh piss off you sap,” Gemma snorted. “Let’s get a move on. I better not turn around to see you two snogging again.”

-------------------------------

Harry’s POV

I tugged Bea along with me, walking towards the elevator behind the rest of our friends.

When we stopped just in front of the elevator, waiting for the doors to open, I heard my name from behind me. My eyes grew wide as Bea looked up at me and then behind us. She quickly turned back to me and gave me a soft smile. For a second, she tried to slip her hand from mine, but I tightened my grip, turning us both around as I smiled at Hannah. She was pressed into Greg’s side, her arm wrapped around his lower back and her eyes glassy.

“Hi again.” I said. “D’ya have a fun night?”

“We did.” She nodded, looking up at Greg. “Someone caught me by surprise.”

It was then that I saw it.

She stuck her hand out, my eyes automatically landing on the teardrop shaped diamond on her left ring finger. My eyes practically bugged out of my head and my throat went dry. She was going to marry Greg. The girl that I once loved, the girl that I still thought about quite often on a lonely night when I was in bed, was going to get married to someone that wasn’t me. I almost fell into a spiral, tongue tied and unsure of what to say to her, but I was quickly brought back to reality when I felt Bea squeeze my fingers, her soft voice filing in the uncomfortable silence that lingered.

“That’s a gorgeous ring, oh my.” She said softly, glancing at me from the corner of her eyes as if to say, ‘I’ve got this, don’t worry’. “And he proposed on such a beautiful night as well, how sweet of him. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

I looked away from Bea and back to Hannah to see that she was looking at me, her face scrunched up in confusion. She shot a quick glance at Bea and then back at me, waiting for an explanation or an introduction. She wasn’t going to get one, not right now.

“Congrats,” I smiled, holding a hand out towards Greg. “You’re a lucky man.”

“Thanks, Styles.” Greg shook my hand and when I pulled away, the elevator bell dinged.

We all piled into the elevator. Bea and I tucked away in the back corner as the doors to the closed shut in front of us. Gemma looked over her shoulder at me a few times, but I shook my head at her, silently asking her not to say anything.

“Are you okay?” Bea asked, reaching up with her free hand to touch my arm.

“Yeah.” I turned my head towards Bea, flashing her a soft smile as I squeezed her fingers. “Just fine.”

For the first time in a long time, I meant it.

-----------------------------

Bea’s POV

Harry left me at the bottom of the elevator, slipping down the hallway with Gemma and Jeff before everyone else. Saying goodbye wasn’t the best part, but the soft kiss that came before he walked away was sickeningly sweet. Gemma seemed to warm up to us at some point in the early hours of the morning and she left me with a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. Claire and Harry were talking in hushed tones while I bid Gemma goodbye, but when I looked up at them to try and catch what they were talking about, he just shot me a quick wink.

I gave him a playfully pout and he gave me one of his girlish giggles with crinkled eyes and smile lines. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. Tomorrow night - or tonight, rather - I would have to share that smile with hundreds of people that adored him the same, if not more than I did.

Watching Harry walk away sent a pang of hurt and frustration through my heart, but Claire was quick to swoop in, standing where Harry had been all night.

“You’ll see him again in a few hours, don’t pout like a child.” She slipped her arm through mine, hooking it around so that we were linked together. “Let’s go have some greasy late night pizza and watch a movie before we crash, sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

We barely made it through Notting Hill.

Claire passed out on my shoulder about ten minutes into the movie while Tara and Jackson passed out on the floor below us. Matt and Chloe had gone straight to bed when we got back to the airbnb. I, however, couldn’t find it in me to close my eyes and go to sleep. There were so many thoughts racing through my head that it was spinning as I tried to focus on Hugh Grant. When was the last time I got so swept up in a guy that I completely abandoned all of my fears?

There wasn’t one moment with Harry where I felt out of place or scared to act on my emotions.

Normally I was hesitant and observant, overthinking every little thing until I made an official decision about someone. I had never been so...affectionate with someone that I had just met. Part of me was worried by my actions and by Harry’s as well. Was this a normal thing for him? Did he do this regularly? Is that why Gemma didn’t want us on the rooftop? I had started chewing my nails at some point, my nerves taking over any good feelings I previously had.

Maybe I just needed to tread carefully tomorrow.

After covering Claire up with the throw blanket on the back of the couch, propping her head up on the throw pillow, I tiptoed over Tara and Jackson on the floor before finding my way to my room.

Carefully, I shut the door behind me, rolling my lips in and wincing when the floor creaked below me. I was so tired and I didn’t want to wake Claire up. She would want to talk more about Harry and my feelings and I just was far too tired to talk anymore. I slipped into bed, settling my phone somewhere on the empty side as I snuggled in. My brain was stuck on a particularly lewd memory of the evening.

I had been trying to steer my brain away from the dirty thoughts I was having, but it was no use.

Harry’s cold rings contrasting with my hot skin was something I couldn’t shake. I could still feel his large palm on my leg, resting there like that’s where it belonged. The song ‘Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off’ wasn’t a completely inaccurate account of me and tequila. The burning liquid did something to me that I couldn’t quite explain. I could taste the tequila on Harry’s lips during our kiss, the bitter liquid masking the sweet taste of his kiss. He convinced me to toss back a few shots, and now here I was. I flopped onto my back with heavy eyes and a frustrated groan. I just wanted to sleep.

I cursed myself for not bringing any toys along with me. I might not have been sexually experienced, but I was a human being with needs. Masturbating, to me, was more fun than any sexual experience I did have. The two experiences I had with another person left me unsatisfied. An ex-boyfriend of mine that I didn’t date for long flashed through my mind for a second, but he was wiped away when I remembered the sound of Harry’s laughter in my ear. At first I was upset at the lack of vibration and the full feeling of my favorite toy between my legs, but that feeling vanished when I closed my eyes and Harry flashed through my brain.

The column of his throat, covered in a few droplets of sweat from the humid Los Angeles air sent my hips bucking up into my own hand. The sound of his husky voice in my ear had me slipping my fingers as deep as I could. The one thing that sent me over the edge was his eyes. The sultry and mischievous glint hidden behind beds of green had me clenching around my fingers and biting at my lower lip as an involuntary moan slipped. I had never finished so fast before.

When I finished, my chest heaving as I opened my eyes in the dark room, my phone buzzed from somewhere on the bed. I didn’t reach for it immediately, not wanting to break the hazy spell I was still under. If I kept my eyes closed, Harry would still be there in my fantasy, kissing me softly. When I finally found my phone, I noticed that I had a text from Harry. He had put his number in my phone when we were still on the roof, adding a few berry emojis next to his name. I questioned about it and he gave me a soft shrug before stabbing a few of the berries in the cake he had delivered for Claire.

He held his fork up with a smirk, nodding his head as a gesture for me to lean forward and take a bit of the berries resting there. I giggled when I thought about how I leaned forward, wrapping my mouth around the fork. Harry shifted in his seat after that, putting the cake far away as he watched me revel at the taste of tart berries in my mouth. I had never been that bold or flirty in front of a man before, but he drew it out of me somehow.

When I opened the text message he sent me, my breath caught in my throat.

‘I don’t know what happened between us tonight, but I do know that I don’t think I could ever go without you after the way you kissed me. Have sweet dreams, honeybee. Xoxo H’

A smile pulled at the corners of my mouth and I rolled over, letting out a squeal into my pillow.

Harry Styles had me under some kind of spell that I never wanted to be free of.

-------------------------------------

Harry’s POV

Gemma pestered me the entire car ride home.

She wanted to know everything about Bea before she could officially form an opinion about her.

So far, she liked Bea’s friend Claire. After a rocky start, the two quickly began chatting about a common interest that I had no knowledge of. When we finally made it back to my house, I was thankful that she was nearly asleep in the passenger seat of the car. Waking her up wasn’t going to be fun, but I knew she would have a proper strop with me tomorrow if I left her in the car.

After a few choice words, Gemma was off and up to the guest room she considered to be her own personal room. I went about fixing myself a cup of tea with more honey then necessary. There was a small scratch in the back of my throat and I really hoped that I wasn’t coming down with a cold. That was most likely the case though. When I was in the band, I would fall ill after every tour, all of the travel and germs finally catching up with my body.

Part of me wanted to call Bea. I just wanted to make sure that she made it home safe. Part of me also wanted to know if she still wanted to talk to me after tonight. Did it even mean anything to her? When I finally made it up to my bedroom, the weight of the world started to weigh down on my shoulders. It had been a long day and all I wanted was to close my eyes for a little bit.

I put my phone in the bathroom to charge just so I didn’t pick it up again after I got comfortable. Beatrice was fine. I didn’t need to text or call. I had to trust in the process. Hannah had always told me before that being with me was difficult. There was never really time for her to process the things that she felt for me when I was always there, checking up on her.

I didn’t want to overwhelm Bea.

I wanted this one to last.

As I started to drift off into a light slumber, images of her started to play in my mind like a movie. A smile slipped onto my face as I shifted around in bed, trying to get comfortable. I could still smell her perfume on my shirt from where she rested against me. The soft rose scent sent a message to my brain that I couldn’t control, my cock twitching in my boxers as a response. It didn’t take long for me to get hard, a desperate and frustrated groan slipping from my lips as I flopped onto my back. Jerking off to my memories of Beatrice felt cheap and wrong. She deserved more.

“Fucking ridiculous.” I grumbled under my breath, dipping my hand down to my boxers. When I slipped my hand over my cock, my cold rings caused me to hiss out, I let the movie of Beatrice play out in my head despite my previous thoughts. “Don’t even know her, Harry. But you’re still jacking off to her, aren’t you?”

I brushed my thumb over the tip of my cock, my heartbeat picking up as I thought about her sweet voice. I wanted her to be here right now, whispering in my ear, telling me what to do. I wanted her soft hands on my skin, brushing her fingertips over my chest as she kissed my jaw. I should have taken her home with me. Deep down, I knew that even if I asked she wouldn’t have come home with me.

There was something guarded about her. I couldn’t blame her. This wasn’t a relationship you could just dive into. I came with a lot of baggage. As the memory of her lips wrapping around my fork flashed through my mind, I bucked my hips up, cum dripping down over my fingers and pooling around the base of my cock.

With a groan, I threw my covers off my legs before walking into my bathroom. I stripped my boxers off, tossing them to the dirty clothes hamper before I walked over to my sink. After wiping myself clean, I reached for my phone. Fuck it. I wanted her to know what I thought of her. It was selfish of me, but I wanted to make her want me the same. I wanted her in my life and I this time, I wasn’t scared to make it happen.

I wasn’t going to let this girl slip through my hands.

#honeybee #back to the start #part one of the series is redone #woo #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles x ofc #harry styles original fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry writing #harry smut #harry one shot #harry fic #harry

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thefanficmonster · 4 years

Text

Quarantine On Crack...yet again

PART ONE

Until Dawn Gang + Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Underage Drinking, Shameless Flirting

Genre: Crack, Humor

Summary: Time to check on our favorite gang who are still quarantined together and have still surprisingly not murdered one another. The lodge is still intact, which is promising. And everyone still has all seven of their limbs. How long will this simulation of peace last for is the real question.

Requested by my dear Until Dawn Anon who I haven’t heard from in so long 🥺 Hii dear! I have missed you tremendously! Here we are again to witness the craziness of our babies and I hope you’ll join me on the rollercoaster once again! Sorry it has taken me so long to write the long-ago-promised part 2 to the crack fic but here it finally is! Hope you enjoy it! Love and miss you, Vy ❤

“Alright folks, the delivery has arrived!“ I announce as Josh, Sam and I stumble through the front door of the lodge, each one of us carrying large boxes of food and toiletries. Bless the Washingtons for still sending us food, if I were them, Lord knows I’d either forget to do so or simply not do it because I didn’t feel like it. Hey, I’m not saying I hate these people, I’m just insinuating that they would not among my priorities had I been the one responsible to send them food. They should be in that case - but I’m being very honest when I say they wouldn’t be.

“Finally!“ Jess and Emily are so in sync for two people who supposedly can’t stand each other, it’s scary. Not that I wasn’t already scared of them to begin with. I just have a hard time dealing with them. But they are good in bed so I keep them around...

“What do you mean ‘finally’? We still have food from last week.“ Matt points out, a slight frown on his face when he lifts his head from the book he’s reading.

“We ran out of coffee capsules, duh!“ Jess says as though she’s addressing the most obvious thing to a person with very low IQ.

Matt does the smart thing of rolling his eyes and returning to his book. Speaking of which, I’m sending another blessing to the Washingtons for having the GRAND library here. I know I would’ve gone nuts and murdered half of these bitches if I didn’t have a book or two to keep me busy. That’s how things are with me, I either have a book to read or I’m committing a murder rampage. No in-between, at least not with these people.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs attracts our attention. Mike, Mr. Golden Boy comes down the stairs and plops down next to Jess, wrapping his arm around here, “There better be some beer in there.” He winks at me. Yeah, that’s Mike alright - has his arm around one girl, winks at another.

“I swear to God, if you two try to have a sword fight with empty beer bottles again, one of you is getting sent to the cabin.“ Josh warns us, taking on the parent role for once.

“Whoa there, Dr. Phil! Send us to the ranch next, why don’t ya!“ I roll my eyes at him, seeing his expression beg to change into a smile at my joke while he’s trying to maintain his no-funny-business look.

“Can we go unbox these things already? My arms are dead by now.“ Sam complains and doesn’t wait for an answer from us as she takes off with a rather fast pace towards the kitchen.

Josh and I are quick to follow. Much to my dismay, in order to reach the kitchen, we have to pass by where Emily is sitting. Since I haven’t already put in a request for a restraining order against her, passing within grabbing distance of her is risky as all hell. But you know me, I love risks. Passing in front of her I get ballsy and even give her the finger as I go.

“You’ll regret that, Y/N! You’ll fucking regret it!“ She calls after me in teasingly threatening manner that almost makes me chuckle, however I keep my features as still as the ones of a statue and I don’t turn back around.

Sam and Josh have already cut the boxes open and have started moving the products from the box onto the kitchen counter and island. I grab the box cutter from its spot near the sink and cut the box open as well. To Josh’s dismay but my incredible luck, there are indeed a few beer bottles in my box. I cheer silently as I take them to the cooler.

“You know, Sam...“ Josh’s voice interrupts the silence just as I’m about to close the cooler. I’m honestly intrigued by what he has to say to Sam, and eavesdropping might be wrong, but it’s not like the fuckers can’t see me standing five fucking feet away! - so I pretend I’m organizing the cooler so I don’t have to return to the center of the kitchen where the two of them are crouched by their packages. A quick look over my shoulder confirms that they are indeed having a *MOMENT*, one I wouldn’t want to interrupt.

“Yes, Josh?“ Sam responds, giving me an urge to go grab some popcorn before any more progression happens. I know these two have eyes for one another, but they are both massive hypocrites! The are doing the very thing they hold against Chris and Ashley: hiding their feelings. Since I’m Josh’s unlicensed and unpaid therapist, I have a bit more intel on what’s going on in his head. It’s basically: 30% what am I doing with my life; 30% I need a drink; 40% Sam. You’d be surprised if you knew how often he mentions her when he’s venting. I’ve encouraged him to make a move countless times but it’s like trying to talk me into not killing Mike - impossible.

“You could melt the snow outside.” It takes me all my might to hold back from facepalming. Oh God, if this is what he thinks I meant when I said ‘tell her how you feel‘ he couldn’t be more wrong.

“Ok, lovebirds!“ I have never been happier to hear Chris’ voice. He saved me the trouble of having to step in and end the awkwardness myself. I turn around with a what I hope is a casual and friendly and totally not distressed smile. Behind Chris stand Ashley and Mike. “Need any help?“

“Yeah, you guys could come in handy.“ I tell them, waving them over almost desperately, “Ok, one of you help me with the rest of the things in the box. The other two can organize the shit that’s on the counter.“

I duck back down to continue unboxing. There’s bags of dried fruit, tea, the coffee capsules Jess was talking about, some spices which I’m not sure why they’re there but I’m not complaining.

“Heard you needed help.“ Oh for fuck’s sake, Mike again. Why couldn’t it be Chris or Ashley, or Satan for that matter. I’m really not in the mood to be cleaning blood off the kitchen floor tiles.

I tilt my head to the side and it’s only then that I realize how close he is to me. My eyes immediately travel to where I left the box cutter. “Back it up, Michael, or....“ FUCK IT’S NOT THERE. I swear I left it there! Where the fuck is it?!

“Or what?“ He reads my confusion and holds up his hand that is holding the box cutter I’m searching for. I’m afraid the more time we spend under the same roof the more experience he’ll have in defending himself and disarming me.

“Motherfucker...“ I growl and grab the tea and coffee capsules and stand up, “It’s a pandemic, damn it. Six feet apart at all times, buddy. I wish you’d put a mask over that mug of yours too.“ I narrow my eyes as I look down at him, resisting the desire to kick him.

“Only if you were the mask.“ Oh this fucker...he even has the audacity to stand up and step closer. Why are the four other people not noticing this? Ok yeah, cause they don’t wanna be witnesses to the murder of their old class prez. I got it.

“Six feet apart or six feet under, Munroe. Your call.“ He cockily waves the box cutter, not as a threat but as a remainder that I don’t have a weapon. “Bold of you to assume I need that to kill you.“

“She could always snap your neck.“ Chris pipes in.

“Or poke your eyes out.“ Ash does too.

“Or strangle you.“ Sam adds.

“The latter doesn’t sound so bad...“ He smirks at me, earning himself mortified looks from the peanut gallery.

“I. Hear. FLIRTING.“ Jess’ voice cuts through the tension that has built up in the kitchen. Mike and I turn to the doorway simultaneously as well as every other head in the room.

There is Jess looking like a pissed off cartoon toddler - aka: my escape.

“And I hear the void calling me.“ I catch her off-guard and put the items I was carrying in her arms, “I better go see what it wants from me. Byeeee.“

I all but hightail it out of there. I mean, say what you want about Mike’s shitty personality, or lack of personality all-together, but the fucker’s got sexappeal. Not that I’d ever admit it or fall under its effects.

In the living room I find Hannah and Beth with no traces of Emily or Matt. I feel slightly relieved, to be perfectly honest. Seeing the perfect stress relieving opportunity, I sit down next to Beth on the couch and lie down, placing my head in her lap. “Hi!” I give her a cheeky smile.

“You’re the Devil.“ Beth mutters without giving me as much as a glance. I turn to wave at Hannah and that’s when I see the chess board set up on the coffee table. So that’s what she’s so focused on.

“Oh please, you’ll make me blush.“ I fake a giggle and blow her a kiss while she remains completely unbothered.

“Whatever’s going on over there - I DON’T LIKE IT!“ Josh says menacingly as him, Sam, Chris and Ashley enter the living room.

“ME NEITHER“ Oh no, that’s Emily’s voice. Her and Matt have just walked into the lodge after another stroll - they have those when they wanna make out in private. Speaking of making out, I don’t see Jess and Mike anywhere, much to my relief - one of them wants to kill me at the moment but they both wanna sleep with me too so you get why it’s a situation I’d like to avoid.

“No jealousy, guys, please. I love you all the same!“ I prep myself up in a half-sitting position to give them an apologetic but seductive look when a pillow whacks me in the face, “What the hell?!“

“I thought you loved me more!“ Beth barks back angrily.

Well, I’m in some serious trouble now. Not only is Beth DEADLY when angry, but she also has two siblings who are more than capable of kicking my ass.

“I do! I really do, Beth, I swear!“ My apologies are put to an end by another hit with a pillow. “You know I do!“ I sit up completely and turn to look at Beth who has turned the opposite direction. “Pwease?” I give her the best puppy-dog eyes I can pull of despite feeling utterly ridiculous.

“So you do have a favorite member after all? And it’s not me? Wow, Y/N.“ Ash glares at me as well, crossing her arms and also turning away from me.

“I SECOND THAT.“ Emily stomps her foot down and storms out of the room

Oh fuck.

“I do too, honestly. I’m really hurt, Y/N.“ Matt the person I can always trust to be on my side has turned his back to me in this time of need.

Oh fuck squared.

“You’re in some deep shit now.“ Hannah laughs almost evilly as she leans back in the armchair she’s sitting in.

“Josh, could you set something on fire again? Preferably me this time.“ I mutter with a monotone voice. I’d like to picture there’s a rain cloud above my head just pouring down on me. And zaps me with lightning every now and then for good measure.

“Nah, that’d be too easy on you.“ This motherfucker....

“Oh so you WANT me to tell a specific someone what you think and say about them when they aren’t around?“ I change the meaning of ‘death glare‘ with this look I give him. I’m sure that if I keep staring at him like this long enough I’ll burn holes into his skull.

After a few moments of still silence and intense glaring he finally breaks, “Alright fine, I’ll get the deodorant and lighter.“

I sigh in relief. I suppose there are worse ways to leave this world...

“No!“

“Don’t you dare!“

“No way!“

Beth, Ashley and Matt all jump up as soon as Josh gives any effort to stand up.

“Washington, I swear to God!“ There go Emily and Jess in sync again as they both enter the room armed. Jess is only in her underwear but we don’t talk about that. What’s important is that she’s carrying the box cutter from before while Emily is armed with a dull butter knife. Knowing how determined she can be, I wouldn’t underestimate her power due to the lack of sharpness to her weapon.

Josh is rightfully stunned by the sudden turn of events and sits his ass back down with hands raised in the air. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.

“Y’all love me!“ I smile at them, putting a hand over my heart.

Jess turns to me in a split-second, angry as fuck, and points the box cutter at me. “Y/N, I swear to God-”

“Alright, alright, alright...“ I too raise my hands in surrender.

This is how shit goes down over here. Just pure fucking CHAOS, a lot of drinking, flirting and sex jokes. And so much wondering how we’re all friends.

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Five)

Memories (also available on Wattpad)

Chapter Four ※※※※※ Chapter Six

Noah parks the car in front of a beautiful house. My stomach churns more every second and I almost throw up when Leah opens my door. I spent the whole way rehearsing what I was going to say, but in truth, I can't remember anything and I have doubts if I will even be able to say ‘hi’.

“Well, Noah's house is down the street, we'll be there. In case it goes wrong, just call, text or shout, I don't know. We come running. Now, just in case you are okay, just don't send anything.” Leah fixes my hair and coat.

“Good luck!” Noah gives me a kiss on the cheek, before they get in the car.

I take a deep breath about five times before I press the bell. I hear the house door open and I almost pass out. Seconds later the gate opens and I feel my pressure drop slightly.

“Marnie? How did you get here?” he looks for a car, but the twins are gone.

“The wonder twins brought me.” I shrug.

“Why are you here?” he doesn't look happy or sad to see me.

“Hm, I need to talk to you. About the two of us, more precisely.” I press my fingers against each other, noticing my trembling.

“Okay, do you need help to get in?” he asks pointing to the boot on my foot. I accept the help and with support I enter his house.

I stand in the hall while he closes the door. We head to the kitchen, where he offers me a drink, but I refuse. If I drink something now, I’m sure I’ll get it out.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” he asks with a fake smile.

“Do you know.” I speak softly and awkwardly.

“About your meeting with Stephen? Yeah, I know.” he raises his eyebrows quickly, before opening a bottle of water.

“Luke …” I start, but he interrupts me.

“What? Isn't that what I'm thinking? Or was he the one who kissed you?” Luke doesn't change his tone of voice, but it still hurts. I am even ashamed to say that it was both alternatives.

“I really had no intention, he took advantage of the moment.” I try to defend myself.

“Yes, Marnie, that's what he does, what he's always done and what he's always going to do.” he look at me upset.

“Please try to understand me, I needed to see him, I needed to talk to him.” I'm starting to despair. It looks like it will come to nothing.

“The worst thing is that I understand, Marnie. I don't know how things are in your head, but if you needed it, we would arrange it, because all we want to do is help you.” he hits the bottle against the island's hail.

“I never wanted any of this to happen.” I look back at him after a while. “Both the accident and Stephen. If I had my head in place, I wouldn't have let any of that happen. Sorry.” Luke cuts eye contact and stares at the floor. “I never meant to hurt you.” I whisper. “And I will understand if you hate me for the rest of your life. Believe me, I hate myself a lot now.” I finish.

Luke lets out a humorless laugh and I notice his teary eyes.

“That's the problem, Marnie. Since I saw you, I try to hate you and I can't, you must know why.” he throws the ball back to me.

Cause he love me. I look away, not being able to sustain it. I know the answer, that's the shit. I sit on the stool facing the glass door leading to his garden. Luke sits next to me and we stay like that for a few minutes.

“I just don't want him to manipulate you, or hurt you. Marnie, I know how this story still moves you, how it is still hurt. I don't want to have to see you go through this again.” he vented, visibly tired.

I can't say anything for a few minutes. My mind spins at high speed. I review all my memories with Stephen at school, on the afternoons he took me to the beach or the pier and everything seemed perfect, like in a movie. I feel my heart race in nostalgia and longing. Even angry, even disgusted.

“When he kissed me …” I start, but Luke tries to interrupt me. “It didn't feel right. It wasn't him.” I finish quickly, returning to face him. His blue eyes look at me with a mixture of pain and hope. “I know I don't remember you and us yet, but something inside me knows and I want to hear that thing, but at the same time, I feel like an intruder in my own life. As if I were an impostor, the bad twin. In my head, I was going to leave everything the way it was, untouchable, so that when the ‘real me’ came back, everything was in place.” I vent.

It is horrible not to fit in with my own life, with my own self.

“What if doesn't come back?” he asks quietly.

“I freak out.” I shrug, making him laugh lightly. At least I made him laugh.

Of so many people at that intersection, of so many cars, mine had to be hit. In the midst of this confusion, if it had to happen, then I would prefer it to be a total blank, forget everything. Perhaps it was easier to start from scratch, than from a crucial point for what I have become today.

“What made you believe the story?” Luke asks quietly.

“I wrote in my diary, shortly after we met and probably I tell you. Everything that happened that day.” my throat closes when I remember the written words. “It was hard to believe my mother, because I know she couldn't stand him, but I couldn't help but believe me.”

“I thought you stopped with the diary.” I look at him confused “That's what you said to me, a while after you told me about the day and about the diary.”

“Did you read the diary?” I ask with my breath caught. I remember everything I said about him. I feel my cheeks heat up. This is what I haven't read all yet.

“No, you never left.” he shrugs. I breathe relieved.

We stayed in silence for a while longer. It is strange that even with all this hurricane, I feel very comfortable with Luke. My body recognizes him.

“Honestly, I'm trying to absorb everything. I'm upset with the kiss, but, deep down, I always knew you weren't to blame, but it still hurts. Deep down, we both know we need some time and I don't want to lock you up to me.” he speaks looking at the garden.

I look at him confusedly.

“Are we breaking up?” I don't know if that's what I wanted.

“It doesn't have to be an end, just a break.” he shrugs.

“Luke, a break, is a disguised ending.” again he laughs, I don't know why.

“Deep down, you're still the same Marnie, even though you feel like an intruder.” he looks at me with a smile and again, I feel intimidated around him. I look away. “I don't want to break up with you, Marnie, but I know you need space and time. Like me. It's just a break, but if you meet someone and don't want to come back… I will understand and respect you.” he explains.

So it seemed easier, meeting someone new, starting from scratch. New memories, without having to stick to the past, without trying to reconstruct everything. It looks so easy, why does it seem so wrong!?

“What if you find someone?” I ask quietly, looking at the drawings of my cast, as if that were a thousand times more interesting.

“I doubt it, but if it does, I'll talk to you first and we'll see what to do. You need to get close to the people and I don't want to be a hindrance, they are your friends too and you need them.��

I need you too, hell. I bounce mentally, without the courage to say it out loud. I know I need him, but I can't make him stay if he doesn't feel comfortable.

“Won't be that weird climate? I don't want it to be that thing just because I arrived, you have to go and vice versa.” I face him. Luke watches me for a few seconds before proceeding.

“There's no reason to be. We are fine, we always have been.” he assures me.

I roll my eyes, visibly irritated. Why does he have to be so understandable? Couldn't he yell at me and hate me? It would be much easier to go on like this.

“You can't be real.” I mumble, making him laugh again, but this time louder.

“Come here.” he gets up and pulls me into a hug.

Luke was taller. Much taller. Then it got a little difficult, without being able to stay at my tiptoes. He notices and sits back down, burying his face in my neck. I close my eyes, feeling its scent bring me a sensation, but it doesn't bring me any memory.

Still hugging him, I scan his refrigerator, seeing a polaroid of ours holding Petunia, his little dog, glued to a drawing. In art, I see Luke, me, Petunia and my brothers all holding hands and several flowers around. I soften seeing that he still keeps everything.

“ I'm sorry.” I whisper again.

“It's okay, M&Ms.” he whispers back.

I leave the embrace, feeling lighter and calmer. Luke still gives me a kiss on the forehead before I pull away completely. As good as the mood was, I was not going to push my luck, I had better go. I send a message to Leah and wait.

“Er, Ash commented on a dinner on Friday, are you going?” I ask.

“Still don1t know.” he sighs. “But it is very likely. You want me to go?” he questions uncertain.

“Yes! I would like it very much. It will be good to be with everyone.”

“Then I go.” he gives a closed smile.

“Er, before I go …” I feel embarrassed again “What about Petunia?”

“Do you remember her?” question incredulously.

“It was one of the first things I remembered in PowerPoint.” I reply shy.

“Do you remember her and not me?” he remains incredulous.

“ I'm sorry.” I don't hold it for a long time, I cover my face and start laughing, really nervous. Luke stops with his hands on his hips, shaking his head.

“Michael went to hike the observatory and offered to take her. Maybe I’ll take her on Friday.” he smiles.

“Thanks!”

I hear the car and say goodbye to him. As I expected, Noah and Leah look closely at the two of us, like two curious children. Luke helps me into the car and gives me another kiss on the forehead.

“Please take good care of her.” he asks leaning against the window.

“I don't know what you mean by that.” Noah is offended. “If you still refer to the day she tried to escape and hung in the bathroom window, it was only once! And I was busy doing my feet.”

“Wait, what?” I ask scared from the back seat.

What the fuck did I hang on the bathroom window?

“Long story, I'll explain later.” Noah counters.

We said goodbye again and left. I stick my head out of the window, waving at him.

I don't know what my future is with Luke, but I was very happy that we got it right. And, deep down, I didn't lose hope, after all, I already fell in love with him once, nothing prevents it from happening again.

“So?” Leah asks.

“We took a break, but we're fine.” I smile happily.

[...]

I leave the closet wearing a black cotton dress, because it was the easiest clothes to wear, because of the boot. The hair stuck in a ponytail, due to the heat. And without makeup, I'm not into it.

“Well?” I ask Noah, who was lying on my bed reading a magazine that I was on the cover.

“Beautiful as always. Ready?” he throws the magazine on the chair, coming towards me.

“No!” I give a nervous smile.

“Everything will be fine. Everyone is crazy to see you. You will love.” he hugs me, rocking me from side to side. “Shall we go?”

I confirm after a sigh. Everyone was at Ashton's house, ready to see me, and as ready as I felt, deep down, I wasn't.

The rest of my week was quiet, few memories, but a lot of pain in my arm, but the doctor said it would be common for one day or another to hurt. My father, my mother, Leah and Ashton came to visit me almost every day and after much conversation, I convinced my mother to return to her home. So at the end of the day, I was alone. Which is great, because I have peace and quiet to put my ideas in place.

On the way to Ashton's house, I go over some points with Noah so as not to be embarrassed, I know they are not expecting much from me, but even so, I prefer to avoid constraints.

As we get closer to the house, I feel my stomach churn. I try to snap my fingers, but with a hand in a cast it doesn't give much. When we park at the door, my legs freeze and I need Noah to help me more than usual to get out of the car.

Noah rings the bell and the laughter that filled the house ceases. Ashton opens the door and, when he sees us, opens a smile, hugging me and pulling me inside. I take his arm and follow him into the living room, where everyone is standing looking at me anxiously.

Michael. Kyleen. Calum. Luke. Leah.

“Piggy!” I shout excited when she comes towards me.

“I still can't get over it.” I hear Luke speak indignantly, but I do not answer, because I am focused on that huge and cute four-legged being.

After falling apart with Petunia, I again lean on Ashton who brings me closer to them. Luke and Leah are further behind, since she practically lives with me and I’ve seen Luke before. I stick to Ash more, like a child afraid and embarrassed to talk to strangers.

“Hi!” I wave after a sigh.

Everyone gives a bigger smile and waves back. It's so weird, the way everyone looks at me, I know they know me and that's what scares me. Ashton sits me on the couch and everyone sits around me, staring at me, like I'm an alien.

“Okay, this is getting weird and uncomfortable.” I comment by holding the air.

“Sorry.” everybody talks.

“It's just… it's weird, you don't remember anything, none of those last years?” Kyleen asks curiously.

“No, no. In fact, I remembered a few things already, but in the beginning, nothing.” I give a closed smile.

“And how do the memories come? Do you have any pain?” I turn to Michael, who looks at me impressed, as if I'm a superhero of the video games that I know he plays.

“No, no pain. Do you know when you drink a lot and have a hangover that you don't remember at first and then during the day, the memories come?”

“Yes!” everyone responds, much to my surprise.

“My God! You guys drink it, huh.” I comment scared. Everyone looks at each other with a laugh. “Well, it's like that. They start popping up in my head. Sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes because of some video, photo or text.”

“Aah” they speak in unison, again.

“Any more questions?” I control the smile. My God, they really look like kids asking questions with an adult.

“Have you remembered all of us?” I look at Kyleen again. Unlike the photos, she now has several strands colored by her long hair.

I dry swallow. How to answer that without causing it?! I had remembered almost everyone but Luke. I had no direct memory of him. If he showed up, it was like an extra, deep down, far away. However, nothing he and I. Soon who I was most curious to remember.

“So-so. Nothing too direct, but everyone has already emerged in some way.” I try to answer, without being very clear.

I glance at Leah almost shouting ‘change the focus’ and luckily for me, she understands.

“What about your arm and your leg? Do they still hurt?” she shrugs.

“Not much and I made a point of reserving a space for you.” I extend the cast of my arm and in less than two minutes, everyone is proofreading to write things.

We ended up eating right there, each with a plate of pizza on your lap. I was still watching everyone, I didn't know who I was looking at, since everyone was talking together. To Noah's happiness, I remembered his hair and again Calum and I were out of breath from laughing.

In revenge, Noah commented on the day that I, drunk, tried to escape through the bathroom window and got stuck, leaving only with a lot of butter. I cover myself with the pillow when he throws the photo, my God what have I become?!

Suddenly, my mind starts to form another puzzle.

““I take a deep breath, feeling my body, especially my head, tingling. It's already the third round and I need to win again. Also because I bet with Ashton that I beat Mike and his friend, that I have no idea who he is.

I kiss the ball and throw it in the direction of the blue cup. The ball rotates around the edge and falls into the cup beside it. I shout with the whole audience at our side, celebrating. Mike turns the glass around reluctantly, while I continue my victory dance.

His friend takes the ball and plays, hitting it too. I turn the glass over, just like Michael a second ago. I blink a few times, already feeling drunk and very light. If a wind hits, I fly away, for sure.

Kiki takes the ball and closes an eye, aiming. I don't know if it's the high and mixed level of alcohol in my blood or if it really happened, but I swear I saw that little ball going in full slow motion into their last glass, signaling our victory. Three-time champions.

I raise my arms, giving, perhaps, the biggest scream I have ever given. I hug Kyleen jumping and spinning in place. However, doing this drunk is not the best option, since in a few seconds, Kiki and I were sinking into the pool.

I come back to the surface watching Mike roll over on the floor laughing and Noah looking at us both confused and angry, as always he was responsible for us. Poor boy."”

I resolve not to interrupt the conversation about the trip to Hawaii. Michael was laughing out loud as they left that Mark alone in the market. Leah once again withdraws in regret.

“Say, the sex was very good, right? Because you stayed with him for three months, something had to be really good.” Calum asks.

“Worse than not, I pretended every time.” At once, the whole room explodes in laughter. “It was a difficult time and he was always available.” she tries to justify herself. “And so complaining about it, worse than Mark just Emery.” she points to Ashton and everyone says "uuh".

“What?” I ask lost. “Was she boring?”

“Boring? Boring?” Mike raises his voice indignantly. “Luke is boring, she was unbearable.” I hold my laughter watching Luke look at Mike in offense.

“ I'm not boring.”

“Of course it is, I don't know how Marnie put up with you and your little jokes.”

“Because you never heard hers.” Luke counters and now I feel offended.

“Hey! My jokes are not bad.” I throw the cushion at him.

“Damn the jokes, let's talk bad about Emery.” Kyleen begs sly.

“I was afraid of her. She entered Calum's house by jumping over the wall, who does that?” Mike reveals.

“Was my house a pet and the hotel room in Denmark? It came out of nowhere. But nothing beats Mitch's birthday party.” Calum raises his eyebrows and once again, everyone is laughing, remembering.

“What?” but does it cost them to tell everything at once?

Noah once again takes out his cell phone and hands it to me. The video shows me and most likely Emery, tangled in a blur of hair pulling and scratching.

“That's not me.” I say in total shock to see my face very well lit.

“Oh, yes it is.” Noah answers.

“In total anger held for four long months.” Calum complete.

I watch Luke trying to get away from her, while Jack from All Time Low, tries to hold Emery. In the background I notice Calum sitting drinking, watching everything in peace. Noah was trying to get in the middle like Ashton. Leah and Kyleen shouted angrily for me to punch Emery and Michael… well.

“Who recorded this?” I ask seeing everyone pointing Michael. I look at him in awe. “Michael!”

“You wanted me to do what? I had been waiting for this moment for months.” he defends himself.

“But why did this happen?” I hand the phone back to Noah.

“Because Emery was kind of obsessive and crazy!?” Kyleen answers quietly, before drinking the beer.

“Emery never liked you and the girls, but mainly you because of our friendship. Because we were doing yoga all day. She was very jealous and you knew it, but you stayed in your corner, didn't provoke her.” Ashton responds with a grimace, perhaps knowing that the ex affair's paranoia was nonexistent. “Until that day, Emery, I don't know, freaked out and both started to argue.”

“Until you freak out and fly on her like a lioness.” Leah completes with a smile on her face.

“My God what have I become?” I sink on the couch, astonished.

“Calm down, we didn't even tell you about the time you climbed on Calum’s roof to jump into the pool and got stuck in your pants.” Michael ‘tries’ to calm me down.

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1994sunflower · 4 years

Note

I know how possessive you’ve made Mikey in Heaven but a really cool idea from ‘why do you want him (Ashton) to join us?’ In Part 1 But you could do it where the boys are getting high and Ashton’s depressed because he can’t find anyone or he’s been dumped and talks about how he hasn’t had sex in a looooong time so Mike’s like ‘for fucks sake’ and suggests Y/N helping him out (only if she wants to) and Mikey sits and watches and dictates what happens and oh boy😰 JUST IMAGINE

uMM thank you for making me imagine this.....this was literally so hot to write. like i know michael would only let it happen if he knew for sure he would be 100% in charge even if he was just watching which makes it all the more hot to think about.

thank you so much for this prompt! hope you like it.

in which Michael shares you

Smoke billowed out throughout the small living room. The smell of marijuana was especially uncomfortable for you and you hadn’t been around it enough to fully get used to it. Michael didn’t smoke it often and when he did, you usually made excuses to not be around.

But this time, you’d been apart for a few weeks and you were willing to do pretty much anything to be by his side. And by his side, you were. Your small frame was snuggled into his side as his sitting form slouched back on the couch, his arm wrapped around you, his hand resting on your ass lazily.

He was wearing a white tank, his tattoos on his arms and shoulders on full view, and blue jeans, three silver chains dangled from his neck. He seemed relaxed and you bit your lip as you watched him smile down at you with hazy eyes. The fumes might’ve started getting to you because a pit of desire formed in you. But you pushed it away.

Michael put the blunt against his lips again and you could see his already far away look get even more distant. They were just slightly bloodshot, red lining the whites of his eyes. He had an idle smile on his face, amused at nothing.

Ashton, however, was anything but amused. He sat on the other side of the couch, on the curve so he was facing you two directly. He had to get up every so often to grab the joint from Michael. Right now, it was in his hands. After a particularly harsh exhale, his entire face was hidden in smoke.

“I’m telling you, I’m never going to find love.” He was droning on about his failed love life as he had been for the last hour or so. The one girl he had liked enough to actually stick around had just dumped him and he was crushed. Well, as crushed as a guy that only knew her for two months could be. But still, it was the closest thing he’s had to a girlfriend in a long time.

Ashton was a sweet guy but he was a lot like Michael in the sense that he’d prefer to smash and dash. Mostly because he couldn’t think of a girl who he genuinely would like to have around for anything more than to just get off. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive but he always believed in not looking for a girlfriend. If the right one came around, he would know. So far, the right one had not come around.

He thought she did, for a second there. The tall volleyball player that he had hooked up with a few months prior had made a good case for herself. She was funny, down to earth and seemed to be a perfect match for him. She didn’t try to leave immediately after having sex with him and that just proved to be a sign that she wanted more.

And she did, in her defense. For a while. Until she got tired of being monogamous and decided to break it off with him. Leaving Ashton in an undeniable funk. He’d been trying to get out, trying to find sex to distract him but he couldn’t even get that. His game was off, he was thinking to much of his ex, if you could even really call her that. Hell, he hadn’t even been playing his video games as much as he used to. It was getting bad.

“Is love even real?” Ashton waved the blunt around, taking one final drag before passing it back to Michael. He held the smoke in his mouth for a while, “Maybe I’m cursed or something. Haven’t even gotten laid for months, I’m talking literal months. Hell, maybe it’s been a year. I’m fucking blue balled.”

You had been listening with fake interest for a while, he was really letting out his heart and you didn’t want to be rude or hurt his feelings. You felt bad for the guy, he was such a good guy. You always found Ashton to be really cute so you didn’t really understand his lack of luck.

Michael, for his part, was just tired of hearing his friend talk. Even with the buzz, the giddiness and relaxation, the blunt in his hands gave him, it couldn’t completely erase Michael’s pension for anger.

It had to be the marijuana messing with his mind, putting thoughts there that would never have been there otherwise. But all Ashton needed to was to get laid in order to get his magic touch back. Then he would be back to his normal self, hooking up with multiple girls a week and being happy instead of moping around all the time. He wanted his friend to be back to his normal self. His high and the thought of the idea that had popped into his head, had him already getting hard.

“Oh, for fucks sake.” Michael groaned out, startling your eyes up to him. He had been silent until now. Michael nudged you, making you look up to him quizzically but his gaze was firm on Ashton’s, even as he spoke to you. “Why don’t you help him out, little one.”

You blinked, afraid that you misheard him. You must’ve, right? The Michael you knew would never share you with anyone. Even his best friend. He was deeply possessive and just the thought of you with someone else was often enough to set him off. But here he was, suggesting it.

Ashton too, stared at him with a slacked jaw. “What?”

Your eyes met Ashton’s and a heat spread through your body. You couldn’t deny he was hot and the thoughts the rushed through your brain of him were nothing short of dirty. You’d never thought about him in that way before, he was only ever just your friend, but it was surprisingly easy once you thought about it. He was kind, funny and someone you trusted, someone Michael trusted.

Michael shrugged easily. “Just once. If it’ll stop you from crying about not getting laid like a fucking pussy, why not? Might get you out of your rut. If Y/N’s up for it.”

It was weird logic but it strangely made sense. So you pushed yourself up to a sitting position, your legs swinging. You nodded, biting your lower lip in loosely concealed anticipation. You would just be helping him, it was for his sake more than it was for you. But it was hard to hide the way your rubbed your thighs together as you got wetter with just the thought of what was to come.

Ashton still seemed out of it, caught off guard when he nodded right along side you. “O-okay. I mean…if you’re saying we can…”

It was dangerous territory, when it came to you, Michael could be lethal. But Michael nodded slowly, pushing your back just enough for you to know to stand up.

Your steps were hesitant and small as you made your way over to a wide eyed Ashton. You weren’t inexperienced anymore when it came to sex, Michael had seen to it. But that didn’t stop the nerves that were building up inside you. Michael was still the only man you’d ever been with and you were worried it would be too different with anyone other than him.

But it seemed like, every step closer to Ashton, somehow raised your confidence just by a bit. Maybe it was the pure disbelief in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe he would actually be able to have you, even just for a day, or maybe it was his already hard dick, standing in alert in his basketball shorts. But by the time you sunk to your knees in front of him, you had a big smile on your face.

Michael watched you shiftlessly. He brought the joint to his lips again, knowing he’d be the only one to be using it from then on. Never did he think he would find pleasure of watching you with another man. But as he watched you slowly peel away Ashton’s shorts and boxers, saw the way Ashton fidgeted nervously and excitedly with his movements much more rapid than yours, he rubbed himself over his jeans. It turned him on to see Ashton throw his head back at just the sight and feeling of your small hands wrapping themselves around his hard dick and your innocent smile shooting up to him. A surge of pride swelled through him because it was his girl that was making Ashton so weak.

Your hands took a hold of Ashton’s cock delicately, looking up at him through your eyelashes. Hearing him groan already just as your face moved closer to his length, you shot up a cute smile. It really had been a while if he was reacting like that just by your touch, or maybe it was just the situation that amplified all the pleasure. You would understand that as you felt like your panties were stuck to you due to the pooling wetness between your legs.

Your heart was thumping in your chest as you leaned forward, taking your boyfriend’s best friend’s cock in your mouth. You felt Ashton’s hands go straight to your hair, groaning. He couldn’t believe this was happening and neither could you.

You licked the slit at the head of his cock, making his hips buck involuntarily. Bobbing your head up and down on his length, you moaned against him, knowing just what the vibrations would do to him. Your tongue was flat against him and every time you pulled your mouth away, your hands were right there, moving circularly as you stroked him. Just like Michael liked it.

“Oh my…fuck.” Ashton’s words were like music to your ears.

You mouth moved faster and you glanced up at him to already find him staring down at you, his mouth open. When your eyes met, his eyes shut at the pleasure of it all. He never considered himself to have the same tastes as Michael. But as he saw you there, leaning forward so that your ass was sticking out behind you, his dick in your mouth, but with still the most innocent eyes he had ever seen, he couldn’t help but understand what Michael had seen in you. It was hot, to see you still have that good girl appearance while simultaneously doing something so filthy. A sick desire to make you cry for him overtook him, to rid you of any semblance of purity as he did the dirtiest things he could imagine to you.

You pushed yourself deeper onto him, your mouth taking his entire length until the tip of his dick hit the back of your throat. You pulled away, breathless, watching his spit covered dick before you did it again. You repeated this until Ashton accidentally thrusted into your mouth, making you gag and pull your mouth off of him in a hurry.

“Watch it.” Michael growled from behind you, to which Ashton nodded rapidly.

“S-sorry.”

But it didn’t deter you. In fact, you went right back to put him in your mouth, like you craved it. Having his room right next to Michael meant he overheard a lot. One of the things he heard that he never quite understood was Michael calling you a whore. Before, he never understood why. You were a good girl. But as he watched you giggle as you sucked his dick like a lollipop, popping him out of your mouth, before going back to taking his entire length in your throat, he understood. You were a cock hungry slut.

Your ass was facing Michael directly. Michael, who had freed his cock from his jeans and was stroking it freely at the sight in front of him. At the sight of his girlfriend deepthroating his best friend. His hips bucked up to his hands. This was so much hotter than he could’ve imagined.

“Pull her hair.” He commanded Ashton, knowing exactly what you liked.

Ashton looked hesitant at first before following Michael’s guidance. His fingers gather your hair before pulling, gently at first and then harder when he heard (or felt, rather) your delighted moan.

The sight in front of him made Michael giddy. The way he felt in control as he watched his own personal porn video was a feeling he could get addicted to. His hand stroked his dick faster as you gagged deliciously around Ashton’s cock. He loved those sounds and he loved the view he had of your ass displayed so willingly to him.

“That’s enough, baby girl.” He called out and felt a sick satisfaction when you immediately obeyed him, pulling your mouth away to look back at him, your hand still stroking Ashton’s wet dick at an even pace. He saw the way Ashton’s face was contorted, how close he was to his finish but he wanted to show you off just a bit more before everything came to an end. “Let’s show him just how good your pussy is.”

Both he and Ashton watched as you stood up, letting your miniskirt (which wasn’t doing much to cover you anyway) and panties drop to the floor, your shirt and bra joined them not long after as your tits bounced when freed.

Ashton’s mouth hung open, his eyes trailing your perfect body. Michael groaned himself, feeling the primal need to go to you, to fuck you, to mark you as his. But he refrained. No, he wanted Ashton to experience you, to make him see what Michael had that he didn’t.

So, as Ashton pulled his own t-shirt over his head, you turned back to Michael, waiting for instructions like the obedient whore you were. Michael nodded in permission to you, “Go ahead, ride him.”

To which you smiled, nodding. The thought of you having sex with Ashton didn’t bother him nearly as much as it should have. Maybe it would if he was completely sober. Instead, the thought of seeing his girl show off her body and everything Michael had taught you made his already hard dick painfully harder.

Ashton slouched back on the couch, giving you room to set your legs on each side of his body. He was holding his breath, still in awe that this was actually happening. He was really going to fuck his best friend’s girl.

Slowly, you lowered yourself onto Ashton, moaning when you felt him enter you and gasping out entirely when you bottomed out, taking him in completely. Your hands were on his shoulders and your thighs touched his. He wasn’t as big as Michael was but it felt good nonetheless.

Ashton groaned, grabbing your hips as he felt your tightness. You were the tightest pussy he’s fucked, which was weird considering how many times he knew you and Michael had sex. But he didn’t think much on it, just enjoyed the feeling of your walls hugging him. His hold on your hips were more to help you move but you were the one who controlled the pace and he was happy to let you, knowing that he was lucky this was even happening in the first place.

He wasn’t going to press his luck by fucking up into you suddenly like he wanted. He knew everything that was happening was going to be dictated by Michael; his orders and his permission.

“Oh my God.” You moaned.

Your pace wasn’t slow or fast but as you got into it, as the thought of Michael, your boyfriend, watching you fuck Ashton really processed in your mind, you began to move faster. Your moans became quicker and more desperate. The feeling of Ashton’s cock going in and out of you and the taboo of the situation was making you feel frenzied.

“That’s right, go faster. Show him what a good girl you can be.” Michael’s voice was level but his hand was stroking himself quicker. “You like letting Ashton fuck you while your boyfriend watches?”

It was too much. Everything was too hot. You nodded, closing your eyes as your head was thrown back in ecstasy, “Yes…yes. Fuck, I do, daddy.”

It wasn’t directed to him. Ashton knew that. But it was so hot.

“Good, enjoy it because it won’t happen again.”

Your face completely overwhelmed with pleasure, the sound of skin slapping as his balls hit your ass with how deep his cock was driving into you. It was like an overload to his system and he couldn’t help but thrust up into you, fast and rough.

The way you screamed out when he did so indicated just how much you liked it. When you screamed out his name, he nearly came right then and there. His grip on your hips tightened as he watched your face when his thrusts became more punctuated. Moaning, he shifted his hips at an angle, to get to the one spot he knew would make you weak.

Michael watched intently at the two moaning figures in front of him. The way he was able to control the two of you did wonders for him. In fact, as he watched Ashton’s face contort in pleasure and watch the way you pussy stretched to engulf his dick, it was one of the most erotic things he’d ever seen. He joked about letting Ashton fuck you or join the two of you every so often but the real thing was better than he could possibly imagine. He was sure he wouldn’t last long as he watched you desperately hump his friend.

Michael spit on his palm before going back to work on his dick. He could hear the sound of your wetness as Ashton’s dick drove into you. He wasn’t sure what was doing it more for him: the actual visual of what was currently happening, the fact that all of you knew he was still in charge even if he was just watching or the sounds of your beautiful moans.

He watched your bare body move up and down expertly, your breasts bouncing with you temptingly. He felt his mouth start to water.

Ashton was entranced as well. His hands reached up but stopped just short of touching you. His eyes traveled to Michael quickly, just catching his singular nod before he took your tits in his hands, squeezing them as you closed your eyes at the feeling.

“Choke her.” Michael called out to Ashton. It was what he wanted to do himself, he wanted to get up and choke you, slap you and call you what you were: his bitch.

But he let Ashton have his moment. He wouldn’t let him do everything Michael would do, he couldn’t possibly let him degrade you in that form. But he could give a little to make his friend happy.

And boy did it make him happy. Ashton’s hands went up to your neck immediately, choking you enjoyably. You couldn’t appreciate his hands like you could Michael’s. They were bare, devoid of tattoos and it made it seem like it was missing something. But they did the job nevertheless. The pleasure of him fucking you was amplified tenfold when part of your oxygen was cut off. You felt it tingling your fingers, your head, your feet. In fact, you were almost shaking when he wrapped his free arm around your waist, holding you still.

Michael was moaning out loud, watching. His hips thrusted desperately against his own hand, watching you get pleasured. “Fuck her like she’s a toy. She likes that, don’t you? You dirty fucking slut.”

With Michael’s permission, he thrusted into you at his pace. It was a bruising pace, one where he only had one goal and that was to get himself off and find his release. Somehow, the knowledge that he saw you and was treating you like just a warm pussy he was using made you feverish with lust. It was so wrong but you’d never wanted Ashton as much as you did in that moment. You wanted to prove to him that you could get him to where he wanted and make Michael proud that his girl was the one to do it.

“Fuck, that’s good, Y/N.” Ashton grunted, his face hard as he focused entirely on you and the pleasure. He couldn’t believe just how good you were at this.

So when you clenched your walls around his cock and began moving yourself against him, stopping every so often to grind onto him, you were panting wildly, feverishly.

“You’re cock’s so good, Ash. Fuck me harder.” You leaned down so your face was directly next to his.

Ashton’s eyes widened, looking over your shoulder to watch Michael, who was still jacking off. You’d gotten your dirty mouth from Michael. And Michael’s grin was enough to prove it.

Ashton watched your face as his thrusts got rougher, “You like that?”

At your silent nod, Ashton’s hand pressed harder around your throat, his other going down to your inner thighs and slapping them roughly. But it just made your arch your back and moan louder. Making Ashton wonder just what Michael had done to you to make you go from a quiet virgin to this.

With your face so close, Ashton had instinctively moved to kiss you, to press his lips against your softer, fuller ones. But he was stopped cold by Michael’s warningly low voice.

“You can’t kiss her.” His eyes were glaring and Ashton didn’t dare to try to challenge him on it.

Ironically, it was too intimate. While Michael didn’t mind you having sex with Ashton, knowing it would mean nothing, knowing you would always come back to him, Michael knew kissing was something that signified more to you. And so, he was the only one that could kiss you. No one else.

Ashton’s hands let go of your neck and instead went up to gather your hair again. He pulled at your hair, harder and harder, watching your face with as it evolve further in pleasure.

When you came around him, he felt you shake against his arms, your pussy closing in around him at each spasm. It was an intense orgasm and he was sure it was because of lurid situation. Michael groaned behind you, hips stuttering against his hand, cumming all over his hands and stomach. The sight of the love of his life cumming around Ashton’s cock set him off. Even when apart, you both came together in unison, you were so in sync with each other.

You clenched around him one more time before he groaned out, “I’m gonna cum.” He looked up at you as you kept riding him as if you didn’t care that you were overstimulating yourself (which you didn’t, all you wanted was to please Ashton and make Michael proud) and then to Michael helplessly.

Michael shook his head, “Don’t cum inside her.” That was only for him.

So Ashton nodded, obediently, something Michael was surprised pleased him as much as it did; Even the man his who just finished fucking his girlfriend knew who was in charge.

Ashton picked your small frame up, off of his dick and next to him on the couch. Instead, he pumped himself a few times before the strings of his cum erupted onto the black couch he was sitting on. He creamed all over the seat and couch’s backboard, groaning loudly as he did so, “Shit, Y/N.”

You giggled delightedly next to him, your legs spread as you laid on your back, fucked out. You had no energy to stand up or even move much. Your cum was slowly trickling out of your used pussy.

Michael smirked, tucking himself back in his pants. “How did my girl feel?”

Ashton looked at him in wonder, “She was absolutely fucking amazing, holy fuck. She’s so tight.”

You felt a deep set happiness at the prideful glint in Michael’s eyes when he looked over your naked and glistening body next to his best friend.

“I know.”

You watched Ashton with sleepy eyes, “Feel better?”

Ashton had forgotten all about what he had been talking about before everything. So he laughed when he remembered. “Hell yeah I do. I can’t believe that just happened.”

Michael stood up to his towering height and handed Ashton the blunt that he had put out a while ago. He went to the fridge to get a beer, patting Ashton’s shoulder on his way.

“No problem dude, if it got you to stop whining.”

You took a hold of Ashton’s hand soothingly, “Anything for you, Ash.”

#5sos smut #michael clifford smut #ashton irwin smut #michael clifford x reader #ashton irwin x reader #bad boy smut #bad boy michael

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instasiswetrust · 3 years

Text

The hand around Nea's neck tightened, words choking up and dying inside her throat. Eyes that used to be blue now glinted red in the dim atmosphere of her kitchen, illuminated only by the light coming from the setting sun. No mercy or compassion could be found in those eyes, just a deep-seated hatred that scared her down to her very core.

"I think that's enough of your inane babbling, Nea." Dwight's voice was a purr, low and dangerous, filled with thinly veiled intent. She still manages enough spite to glare back at him.

"Now, now darling, no need to be like that." Dwight clicks his tongue like a disapproving parent. "None of this would've happened if you'd kept your dirty little mouth shut instead of talking shit about MY BROTHER."

The slap comes as a surprise to her, a second going by before the pain finally hits. She tastes something coppery and metallic at the back of her throat and realizes she has bitten her tongue. His hand around her neck has relaxed just enough for her to speak again so she does.

"It's not shit if it's the truth, Dweet." She sneers, eyes hard and flinty with anger. “Your beaner of a brother is a filthy slut who likes to suck PsychoMyers dick - Ack!"

"Shut. Up." Dwight watches her choke on her breath as his hand tightens once again. He's about done bothering with this bitch, and if he wastes any more time he was going to be late for dinner. And while mom could understand murder quite easily, being on time for dinner was a mandatory rule.

Without letting go of his holds, he turns to glance at the boy sitting on a stool by the kitchen island, watching him with an enraptured expression. There are two points of red high on his cheeks, and the hunger in his eyes sends a tentative shot of arousal through Dwight's spine.

"David, the bleach if you will?" The boy shook his head like a dog would before opening the cap of the gallon next to him and handing it over to Dwight. "Thank you."

David only offers him a shaky nod, his gaze shifting briefly to what Dwight thinks might be his lips before returning them to his face. It's a little funny how out of everything, this is what gets to David.

Turning back to Nea, Dwight doesn't even bother being flashy or dramatic. He forces her jaw open and pours the bleach, watching her choke on it. It burns her eyes, her throat, and the stench is absolutely disgusting but he doesn't stop until the gallon is half-empty and Nea Karlsson lies limp in his hold.

------

After the party, when he had called Nea out on her bullshit in front of everyone and promptly vomited on her expensive Adidas sneakers, he had assumed he wouldn't ever hear about the cheerleader clique again. Had even been fine with that. David was with him now, and he would always have Danny in his corner. He could let Nea think she had won, just this once.

Thing was, bitches never quite learn how to keep their mouths shut.

Dwight had gone to her house planning to fake an apology, David in tow telling him how it was a waste of time bothering with someone like her. But of course, Nea had had to mention Danny. Make fun of his little brother, of Michael, even mock Joey, and Susie. His friends. His pack. His family.

He remembered everything of course, to the smallest detail. How he had forged the note saying Nea was running away with another Alpha, thinking she would be hated if she stayed. David helped him carry the body to Max's pigpen. The way David's cock tasted on his mouth and the muffled sounds he had made as Dwight sucked him off in the back of his car.

It had been fun. The kind of heady high he had only felt once before when he had to clean up one of Danny's scenes because he had gotten himself stabbed.

And of course, no one at school suspected a thing. The student body ate up Meg's fake note so easily it was almost laughable. Dwight had assumed that had been it, and focused on his grades, filing everything that went through with Meg, Nea, and Kate to the back of his mind.

That was why Kate’s call took him by surprise.

"Dwight, please, you have to help me." Kate's pitchy, worried voice begged almost as soon as he accepted the call.

Dwight knew Kate, had become accustomed to the different shifts in her voice that marked her emotions more clearly than her expressions did. She wasn’t just worried, she was terrified but there was also an undercurrent of guilt there that made him take her words with a grain of salt.

"It's 11 pm, Kate. My heat only broke yesterday." He said flatly, not at all in the mood for her bullshit. Despite his heats being a mellow affair, his body was still sore and he wanted nothing but to bury himself back in his nest.

"Please." She was begging now and Dwight swore he could hear Ace's and Ash's drunken babble in the background. "Meg left me alone with Ash and Ace as one of her pranks, and they are really drunk. I'm... I'm really scared Dwight, please."

Oh. Yeah okay, he couldn't say no to that. Out of the three of them, Kate had always been the nicest, relatively speaking. She went along with whatever the other two told her to do sure, but that was about it. He was gonna regret this later for sure but right now all he knew was that he needed to get her out of there.

"Fine, okay. Lemme grab my mom's keys and I will be there. Text me your address in the meantime."

She thanked him profusely before cutting the call and Dwight sighed. With luck, Uncle Herman might be awake and could lend him two bottles of vodka laced with sedatives.

------

It had only taken a day. Just one. Now all the school was gossiping about how much of a slut Dwight was, having spent his heat with not one but two Alphas.

Ash and Ace had no proof of course, other than their words but this was high school. The veracity of things didn't have to be proven for people to believe them and as it was, Dwight had become an absolute social outcast in the last party. If the star Alphas of the football team claimed it was true, of course, it was.

"Danny, leave it. They are not worth it." He said for the second time as a group of cheerleaders went past their pack's table and made faces of disgust at Dwight.

"But Dwickyyyy ..." Danny pouted, and Dwight knew this was his brother's best front. Knew that there was fury and venom in his brother's dark eyes. Knew there was already a plot brewing there too. "I d-don't wanna."

But Dwight was adamant about this, shaking his head again and turning to face the whole pack who had different expressions of anger among them.

"No one gets to lay a hand on those two, you hear me? I will personally deal with them, myself. Is that clear?" Some of them nod, but others like Frank and David still snarl. This made Dwight frown, holding their gazes until they lowered their heads. "Good."

It was only later when Dwight was heading out of the locker room after a particularly tense cheer practice, that things started to get out of hand.

"What the bloody fuck did ye say about my boyfriend, ye git?" David's accent was unmistakable but the kind of vitriol that filled his voice was completely new to Dwight. It had him instantly separating from the team and making his way over to the source of the commotion.

There was a throng of people gathered around the base of the bleachers making it unable for Dwight to properly see what was happening. He was about to push his way through when the crowd suddenly parted, giving him a perfect view of the bloody mess that was inside.

Ace was bleeding profusely from a broken nose, his left eye was swollen almost shut, Ash was next to him, knuckles scraped and bloodied. He seemed fine, for the most part, his lip was split and there was a smear of bloody saliva on his cheek. Dwight didn't care about them though. It was who he saw in Joey's arms, nearly unconscious, that caused him concern.

From what he could see David had ended up almost as bad as Ace, blood running down his nose, lip split, right eye already swelling up, and knuckles scraped. If the way he seemed unable to walk straight on his own was any indication, Dwight fears he might have a concussion too.

"Fuckers started it," Joey said as soon as Dwight was close enough to listen to him. "Caught up with us just at the start of practice and started spouting shit about you. Bet they just wanted to get a rise out of him."

Dwight sighed, helping Joey sit David down by the benches. The younger Beta left to go pick up their things and Dwight busied himself cleaning off the blood caking his boyfriend's face and knuckles. He was frustrated, bordering on angry, and David must've scented it off him because he managed to frown despite the obvious pain it put him in.

"Ain't gonna say sorry for showing those gits what they get for slagging you off." He rasped, having to stop midway to spit a gob of congealed blood into the grass.

"Wasn't going to ask you to," Dwight said simply, prodding at his nose with careful fingers to make sure it wasn't broken. "But you need to trust me when I say I will take care of it."

"I trust ye, sweetheart. But I can't just sit back and do nothing when they come looking for a fight." David shot back, wincing slightly despite the softness of his boyfriend's touch.

"Technically, you can." David gave him a glare that Dwight matched with equal intensity until the Alpha looked away first. "Look, I'm not mad at you. They provoked you knowing full well you would react. I just hate it when you get hurt because of me."

"...Even if it's kinda hot?" David grinned.

"Even if it's kinda hot," Dwight confirmed, offering him a small smile.

-----

Three days later, Dwight finally enacted his plan.

He'd left a note for Ash and Ace to find, inviting them to the cemetery so they could reenact their threesome fantasies with him. The idiots had believed it all, hook, line, and sinker. It was almost funny how easy it had been.

Flattering clothes, and heeled boots, things that would look sexy but would be easy to clean afterward. Danny had done his make-up, something deadly that would match his leather gloves, brimming with excitement because Dwight finally got to enjoy a little murder.

So now he waited patiently for them to arrive, sitting primly on a headstone like the image of a proper Omega one would see in cheap romantic novels. David waited in the car, parked by the entrance of the graveyard, only because he had refused to allow him to do this without any backup.

At last, the two of them appear, looking awkward and nervous and a little drunk already. They reek of interested Alpha pheromones, which in turn threatens to make Dwight throw up but he kept his pleasant facade for now.

"Boys, you're here! Fantastic. We can finally start this." He chirped, voice high and happy.

Ash and Ace smirk, step closer, crowd him in the middle of the two like Dwight would try to escape or something. It irked him but he remained calm, rising a bit to wrap his arms around their necks and pull them closer. Neither of them noticed the thin syringes until it was too late.

"What the-" It was the only thing Ace managed to get out before he stumbled on his feet, falling on his ass. Ash didn't even manage to say anything before his knees gave and he fell to the ground face first, body a messy heap.

They were still conscious of course, his mom's special brew numbing their limbs but allowing them to stay awake. It was not something that showed up in general toxicology reports either, and thus had quickly become Dwight's favorite.

"You tried to rape Kate, almost got away with it even, had I not come help her out. Not satisfied with that, you chose to slander my name in front of the whole school." His voice was flat, emotionless, clinical. Rage simmered under the surface but there was no point in letting it drive his actions. Passion crimes were always the easiest to spot, and Dwight was not about to get caught over two idiots like these.

"That was the biggest mistake you could make." He positioned Ash's body so he was sitting with his back to a tombstone, facing Ace. Their terrified eyes stared at him horrified but he once again felt nothing, his mind an unperturbed lake. "Don't you think so too?"

When he was satisfied with how the two of them were posed, he slipped a folded note inside the pocket of Ash's varsity jacket, glad that his leather gloves would leave no remaining evidence on the soon-to-be corpses.

With the same overwhelming calm, he pulled out his custom-made colt 45, a gift from his mother. It was black with a white grip, engraved with golden vines over the barrel. A pretty little thing he rarely ever used, but it seemed fitting this time.

No more words left his mouth as he placed the gun in Ace's hands, making sure he'd got a proper grip on it before raising the gun to Ace’s head. There was no dramatic pause before he pulled the trigger, no tentative build-up. One moment Ace was alive, the next the left side of his head looked like hamburger meat.

Dwight made sure that none of the blood had gotten on him before moving over to Ash and doing the same thing. Worldless and instant. There was no point in stalling or watching them try to beg for mercy.

Once he'd triple checked the scene was flawless, he silently made his way back to the car where David was waiting for him. The swelling in his eye had gone down at last but he still looked worse for wear. Still, he grinned when he saw Dwight slide into the driver's seat.

"All done?"

"All done," Dwight confirmed, allowing his body to relax. He required a serious shower and even then he wasn't sure he would be able to scrub the hideous Alpha scent those two had covered him with.

"C'mere..." David murmured, pulling him closer so he could nuzzle firmly at both sides of Dwight's neck, marking him with his scent. It wasn't enough to completely dispel Ash's and Ace's scent, but it managed to take the edge off and settle Dwight's stomach.

"Thank you." He said honestly, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's uninjured cheek. "Um..."

"What is it, darlin'?"

Dwight didn't want to appear needy or like he needed to be babied after kills. But the way Ash and Ace had crowded him, rubbed their scent over him, bothered him greatly. The Omega in him protesting with the hostile scents.

"Do you think you could stay over tonight?" He asked quietly, face once again tucked in the crook of David's neck. "I'm not bothered after killing them, it's just... I feel dirty with their scent all over me."

David hummed, threading his fingers through Dwight's messy hair. "Sure, sweetheart. Ye just need a little scenting, I can give ye that."

#adopted au #dbd #dead by daylight #dwight fairfield #david king #nea karlsson #ash williams #ace visconti #drabbles #dwight and danny are brothers in this au if that wasn't clear #alpha/beta/omega dynamics

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shiishki · 3 years

Note

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

#that was long #probably because my stubborn ass wanted to make pretty formatting #shiishki.rambles #shiishki.interacts with tommie

8 notes · View notes

allsassnoclass · 4 years

Text

Meet Me Under the Mistletoe

Ficmas Day 1 for @calumsclifford <3

Pairing: Michael Clifford/Ashton Irwin

Rating: Teen and Up

Key Tag(s): Fake/Pretend Relationship, Office Party, Pining, Fluff, no warnings needed

Word Count: 15,665

Read on AO3

—

“And you asked Luke and Calum, but neither of them could do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you asked some other people, who also said no?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Is there a reason you didn’t ask me?”

Michael had not come up with a reason beyond I’m in love with you and that seems like a recipe for disaster.

“Uh,” he says. “I didn’t think you’d want to. I mean, I already ask you for so much.”

“That’s stupid,” Ashton says. “I like fancy parties, and spending time with you, and helping you. If you’re really set against telling them the truth, then I can be your fake boyfriend for the night.”

Michael has been letting everyone at the office believe he has a boyfriend for the past few months. Things become complicated when they ask to meet his boyfriend at the company winter party.

—

“I need you to be my boyfriend!”

It’s a testament to their experience as friends that neither Calum nor Luke look surprised to have Michael burst through their door haphazardly. He knows his cheeks are flushed from the cold and running up the stairs and his coat probably isn’t buttoned properly and he only has one mitten on, but he’s in a crisis. Calum and Luke don’t even bat an eye, although Luke lifts himself up from where he was tucked against Calum and frowns.

“Which one of us were you talking to? Also, Calum and I are in a monogamous relationship already. Sorry, Mikey.”

“Not my actual boyfriend,” Michael says, kicking off his shoes. There’s snow clinging to the sides, and he steps gingerly over any damp spots in the entry before flinging his coat down on the armchair and flopping right next to Calum on the couch.

“What other type of boyfriend is there?” Luke asks.

“A fake one.”

That finally gets Calum’s attention, who had been pretending that the news was somehow more riveting than Michael’s crisis.

“What did you do?” Calum accuses.

“Nothing!”

Calum’s eyes narrow.

“I maybe have let everyone at work assume that I have a boyfriend and now they expect to meet him at the company holiday party.”

Calum sighs heavily, as if he hasn’t been Michael’s accomplice in far worse situations.

“How did that happen?”

“It just did,” Michael shrugs. “Someone asked if I had a girlfriend back in September, and I said ‘boyfriend’ and they took it to mean that I have a boyfriend rather than want one.”

He had only been working there for three weeks when someone asked the question, and he had been so tired of not setting the record straight at the first possible opportunity. It’s tedious to laugh off something like that and then have to come out later, and Michael figured that if anyone was going to be homophobic at least he would find out then instead of later when he had time to possibly grow to like them first.

Thankfully it hadn’t been an issue, as two other people in the department have same-sex partners.

Everyone there respects his privacy, so he hasn’t had to make up too many details, and it’s been nice to not have to acknowledge just how long it’s been since he last got to kiss a guy, let alone date one.

“Just tell them you don’t have one,” Luke says.

“If I was planning on doing that, I would’ve done so three months ago when this whole thing started. Besides, I think there’s a betting pool involved, or at least a lot of behind my back speculation. There are stakes now.”

“This is what you get for lying,” Calum says, shaking his head. Michael pouts.

Michael was always told that one day, his little white lies would come back to bite him in the butt. He doesn’t make a habit out of fibbing, but sometimes it’s simply easier to say something less-than true in order to save further pain down the road. Insisting that he had done all of his homework by himself was easier than admitting that he and Calum did half each, and he got more free time out of it. Telling Calum that Luke ate the last cookie instead of him saved Calum from a foul mood, because he’s unable to stay mad at Luke. Telling Ashton that he was not, in fact, planning him a birthday party made the surprise that much sweeter.

When he told his coworkers that he has a boyfriend, he had expected this to be like every other little, insignificant lie he tells. Now, he is paying the price. He’s probably paying the price for every single lie he’s ever gotten away with in the past.

“This is a bit extreme for karma,” he says. “Anyway, it’d be one night only, and apparently the party is pretty fancy. Since headquarters is just over in Minneapolis, we’re invited to join theirs. There’s a raffle with big prizes, plus a free catered dinner.”

“If it’s with headquarters, neither of us can go,” Luke says. “My cousin works there. She’d recognize me or Cal, and she definitely knows we’re dating each other, not you.”

“Really?” Michael asks. “Shit. You two were my best bets. I needed to pick someone who wouldn’t fall in love with me.”

“You know,” Luke says. “We do have another friend who is single and who you want to fall in love with you.”

“No,” Michael says. “Absolutely not.”

“Come on, just think about it,” Luke says. “Ashton would probably have a great time, and you’d get to show him off, maybe kiss him under the mistletoe...”

“He’d do it,” Calum says. “He bends over backwards to help you already, and he loves schmoozing at fancy parties. Plus, depending on how fancy it is you might get to see him in a suit.”

“No,” Michael repeats. “The last thing I need is to have Ashton pretend to be my boyfriend. If he was going to fall in love with me, he would’ve done it by now, and I don’t need a taste of what being with him would be like without any of the substance.”

Luke huffs and sits back. Calum merely raises his eyebrows.

“Good luck finding someone else to go along with this.”

Michael flips him off and gets out his phone to start making calls. He gets through seven refusals before he finally considers that Ashton may be the best viable option.

“No luck?” Calum asks, smirking. Michael slumps against the couch and rubs at his eyes.

“Roy said that this is probably the universe giving me a sign. Also he’s busy on the night of the party.”

“I can’t picture Roy and you pretending to date, anyway,” Luke says. “Honestly, I think all of those would’ve failed. Your coworkers would see through you in an instant. You’d become the laughing stock of the office.”

“I could’ve at least had fun with Jack,” Michael says.

“He would’ve been laughing at you and texting Alex the entire time,” Calum says. “Call Ashton. Better yet, go to his house and talk it out in person. Luke and I are supposed to be on a date in 30 minutes.”

“He’s expecting you,” Luke says, typing out something on his phone. “He made baked ziti and needs you to help him eat it.”

“Did you tell him?” Michael asks, sitting up so fast he gets dizzy.

“I just said that you’re in crisis and will be coming over.”

“He’s going to laugh at me.”

“You deserve it,” Calum says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “But you also know that he’s going to do everything he can to help you, and he’ll have better suggestions than me or Luke. We’re good at getting you into trouble, not out of it.”

Michael sighs. It’s not that he thought he could somehow keep this situation a secret from Ashton, but it’s still mortifying to consider confessing to him that he’s done something stupid enough to require finding a fake boyfriend in order to continue a long con he’s pulling on his coworkers.

He should probably tell everyone that he never had a boyfriend to begin with, but that seems like too little, too late when he has already panicked and told everyone that his boyfriend will come to the holiday party. Michael is not a quitter. This may not be a competition, but he will win, and winning means not facing the embarrassment of admitting the truth.

“Okay,” he sighs. “I can’t believe you two are kicking me out in my time of need so you can go on a date.”

“Talk to Ashton and you might get a date for the holiday party,” Calum says. “Then you can stop being a third wheel and we can double date instead of kicking you out.”

“I hope this works out for you, Mikey,” Luke says.

“Don’t give me false hope, please,” he says. “It’s been years.”

Michael stands in silence, the others knowing better than to try and convince him Ashton could possibly like him, too. He ran out of hope for that a long time ago, and he’s been attempting and failing to get rid of this pesky crush ever since.

“Stay warm out there,” Calum says, standing and following him to the door. “Tell Ashton we say hi. If there’s anything else we can do to help, just ask.”

“You’re sure that neither of you can be my boyfriend?” Michael asks one last time, slipping his arms into his coat and fighting with the zipper.

“Sorry,” Luke says, not sounding very sorry at all. “Ask Ashton!”

“Fuck you,” Michael calls back cheerily, stepping out the door.

Leaving the sanctuary of the apartment complex for the cold of a Minnesota winter sucks, especially since his car has cooled down almost all the way again, but Ashton’s house isn’t too far away. Michael is the outlier, living in a suburb while the others stayed closer to the heart of St. Paul. He likes being close enough to the cities to easily commute for work and have access to all of the events happening, but it’s nice to not have to fight traffic for every little thing, even if the roads outside his house aren’t always plowed as nicely as the ones outside Ashton’s.

He traverses the familiar streets until he finally pulls into Ashton’s driveway with just enough room behind Ashton’s car that he’s not blocking the sidewalk. Ashton has some Christmas lights up, just a string of simple blue ones following his roofline. Michael sits in his car and watches them blink on and off, giving the impression of the stars they can’t see from light pollution, or of gently falling snow.

Ashton appears in his kitchen window, reaching into the cupboard next to it, surrounded by warm light. He glances out and spots Michael’s car, face splitting into a smile and giving him a wave. Michael has been in this position a million times before, but he wonders what it would be like if Ashton was calling him into their house after a long day, without having to leave at the end of the night.

He’s been spotted now. Michael has no choice but to get out of the car.

“Hi,” Ashton calls from the kitchen when he lets himself in. “Make yourself at home! Dinner’s almost ready!”

Michael likes Ashton’s house. It’s small, but in a way that mostly feels cozy rather than cramped. The outside is white but the door is a light red, verging on pink, and each of the rooms inside is painted a different color, something which Ashton always says he’s going to change but has never gotten around to doing. Michael hangs up his coat on one of the many hooks by the entrance, then toes off his shoes and flexes his fingers, trying to get some warmth back into them. He runs cold, so winter is a constant struggle to keep his fingers from freezing off.

He steps into the living room, painted a pale green with mismatched furniture and warm blankets thrown over every surface. Michael helped pick out the rug that dominates most of the floor space, and it makes him happy every time he comes over to see it. Ashton doesn’t have a tree yet, but there’s a space for it cleared in the corner. The dining room and kitchen are one room right off the living room and painted yellow. Michael wanders over to the baking pan covered in foil, lifting up the corner to inhale the scent of freshly-cooked pasta, cheese, and sauce.

“Hey, no premature tasting,” Ashton says. “If you’re going to be in the kitchen, make yourself useful and set the table.”

“You could say hello before you start ordering me around,” Michael says. Ashton stops flittering around long enough to pause in front of Michael, hands on hips and smile on his face. There’s steamed broccoli on the counter that definitely added to the current frizziness of his hair, and he’s wearing an off-white cable-knit sweater with the sleeves pushed up. Michael hates himself for the way everything about this situation makes his heart flutter.

“I said hello when you first got here. You’re the one breaking in to eat my food without a word of greeting.”

“Hi, Ashton,” Michael says, accepting the brief hug Ashton offers. “You’re welcome for helping eat your food so the leftovers don’t overtake your fridge.”

“If I knew how to adjust the cooking times on this recipe for smaller portions, I would.”

That’s a lie. Ashton enjoys feeding his friends. Michael has at least one dinner a week at Ashton’s house under the excuse of him making too much food for one person.

Michael gets out two plates and the appropriate silverware and sets the table. He gets out his favorite glass, a novelty Star Wars one with art of the celebration of Endor printed on it, and gets the matching Tatooine one for Ashton because he knows it’ll make him roll his eyes. There’s apple juice and water in the fridge, and by the time Ashton has brought all of the food over Michael is sitting patiently at the table, hands folded neatly in front of him.

“So,” Ashton says once they both have a good helping of baked ziti, broccoli, and garlic bread on their plates, “Luke said you’re in crisis?”

Michael sighs.

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I’ll try,” Ashton says. Michael shamefully recounts the sticky situation he has brought upon himself, avoiding eye contact the entire time. Ashton chews slowly once he’s done, taking his time swallowing before he figures out what he wants to say.

“Hm.”

“Yeah,” Michael says, for lack of anything else.

“And you asked Luke and Calum, but neither of them could do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you asked some other people, who also said no?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Is there a reason you didn’t ask me?”

Michael had not come up with a reason beyond I’m in love with you and that seems like a recipe for disaster.

“Uh,” he says.

“If you don’t think you could pretend to like me, that’s fine. I was just curious,” Ashton says, stabbing at his broccoli.

“It’s definitely not that,” Michael says. “I didn’t think you’d want to. I mean, I already ask you for so much. I’m eating your pasta right now. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to do this, too.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Ashton smiles, all dimples and sunshine. Michael wants to bask in Ashton’s smiles forever.

“Awesome. Crisis averted.”

It can’t be that simple, but Ashton’s easy confidence makes it feel like it is. Michael doesn’t know why he was freaking out about the situation. If anything, his crush on Ashton will make everything more believable, and Michael can pass himself off as a really good actor if questioned.

The rest of the night passes like every other dinner they’ve had with the two of them. They talk about their weeks and about any random topics they choose, then Ashton picks a CD and they do the dishes, Ashton washing and Michael drying. Ashton convinces him to stay later and watch a movie, and Michael lingers too long afterwards. When he eventually tears himself away, it’s only after a late-night cup of hot chocolate and multiple uncontrollable yawns.

When he goes to bed that night, he steadfastly does not think about how he will be calling Ashton his boyfriend in a few weeks.

-/-

Michael doesn’t talk to Ashton about fake dating again until the day before the party. He’s been forwarding the office emails about it, so Ashton knows the date and time, that this is a suit-worthy event, and what the food options are. Otherwise, though, their time together has been filled with everything except mentions of the party and the con that will go down there. Michael has been avoiding Luke and Calum due to all of the teasing, so he and Ashton go shopping for Luke and Calum’s presents together, Michael pointing out things that Ashton’s family might like on the way. Ashton has a list of Christmas movies he wants to watch that they begin steadily working through, and Michael begins a snowball fight one day that Ashton wins. Thankfully, Ashton agrees to make him cocoa and cuddle him after stuffing snow down the back of his jacket. Michael’s face gets red enough that Ashton frets he might be coming down with something.

The something is being hopelessly in love.

Ashton texts him on Friday asking if he wants to come over early so they can get ready together and talk through their boyfriend story.

Boyfriend story. He’s supposed to refer to Ashton as his boyfriend tomorrow.

He shows up at his house as requested, and Ashton greets him with a cup of hot cocoa, freshly made just the way Michael likes it. Ashton stocks up on cocoa mix as soon as it hits October, making it at any and every opportunity. On days when multiple people are over, sometimes he’ll make it from scratch, breaking out the cocoa powder, sugar, milk, and chocolate to create the best beverage Michael has ever tasted, sometimes with a secret ingredient Ashton makes him guess. Michael rarely gets it right, but the praise he gets from Ashton on the days where he does manage to identify the extra flavor makes every loss more than worth it.

Ashton takes his with marshmallows, but Michael prefers whipped cream. It warms him more than the beverage to see the pile of whip on top, stocked just for Michael.

“You put up your tree!” Michael calls while Ashton prepares his cup. There are no presents underneath nor stockings on the wall since Ashton spends Christmas day with his family, but the small fake tree is erected every year to help him get into a festive mood. Michael steps closer and recognizes most of the ornaments on it, either from previous Christmases or because he was there when they were bought. Pieces of a tiny drum set hang from a set of branches near the front, each part paid for by a different member of their friend group as a gift after Superbloom Studios opened. Michael bought the high hat.

“Second week of December. It’s tradition,” Ashton says, shuffling into the room carefully with a mug in each hand. Michael reaches for his, careful not to spill when he takes it from him.

“I saved your ornament,” he says, nodding to the coffee table where a small wooden “M” sits, painted to look like the torso of a snowman.

“Thanks,” Michael says, setting down the cocoa and picking up the ornament. It was originally a joke gift, but now every year Ashton ensures that he puts it on the tree. There’s a nice open branch near the bottom that he takes advantage of, giving himself time to admire the tree once more before finally sitting.

“So,” Ashton says. “How did we get together?”

Michael takes a sip of his cocoa, burning his tongue just slightly.

“You have whip on your nose,” Ashton says, just like he does every time. Michael sighs and swipes a thumb across it, sucking the whipped cream into his mouth so none of it goes to waste.

Ashton clears his throat.

“So. Boyfriend story.”

“Boyfriend story,” Michael agrees. “We have to have been together in September, but otherwise I’ve been really vague. We can make up whatever we want.”

“Okay,” Ashton says, nodding. “We should probably stick as close to truth as possible, so our meeting story can still be the same, but maybe we started dating mid-summer?”

“The lake trip?”

“Yeah!” Ashton says. “Do you remember that night, it was like our second night there, where we just sat at the end of the dock and looked at the stars? Everyone else was at the bonfire, so it was just us. Maybe I asked you then.”

Michael remembers that night clearly. He had gone down to the dock to get some space, needing a breather after all of the activity of the day and Ashton walking around without a shirt basically since they got there. Even so, when Ashton eventually joined him it was like a sigh of relief. He knows more about stars than Michael does, so Michael leaned back and let him point out different constellations and make up stories for unfamiliar ones, trying not to stare at the shadowy profile of Ashton instead of the sky. The small waves of the lake rose and fell, covering his ankles then dipping lower in a steady rhythm mimicking his heartbeat. Ashton kept their arms pressed together almost the entire time.

He had wanted to kiss him, so he pushed him in the lake instead.

“Yeah,” Michael says. “That sounds good.”

“Okay, good. Great! What else do we need to figure out? How serious are we?”

“Uh, medium?” Michael asks. “It’s been five months, so nothing too daunting but more than just a casual thing.”

“What’s the PDA going to look like?”

“Uh,” Michael says. Ashton takes a sip of his cocoa.

“I mean… are we still in the honeymoon phase? Will we be holding hands a lot? What’s our game plan if we somehow end up under the mistletoe? I don’t think anyone can make us kiss without opening themselves up to a workplace harassment suit, but are we going to do a cheek kiss? Are you okay with me kissing you? What about--”

“You need to slow down,” Michael says. “Give me some time to think, jeez.”

“Sorry,” Ashton says. “Boundaries are important. I don’t want to cross any.”

“You won’t. I’m down for anything.”

“Really?” Ashton asks, skeptical. He sets his cocoa down and moves until he’s right next to Michael on the couch, then slings an arm around his shoulder, tucking him close. Michael melts into his side easily. “So something like this would be fine?”

“You mean what I do with you, Calum, and Luke at every opportunity?’

“Okay,” Ashton says, adjusting so his hand is now on Michael’s thigh. It’s more unfamiliar, a different weight in a more intimate spot, but not unwelcome. Michael suppresses the shiver it sends through him.

“Still okay,” he says.

“Alright,” Ashton says. After a moment of consideration, he takes Michael’s mug from him and replaces it with his own hand, clasping them together palm to palm.

“Wait, I don’t like this,” he says, adjusting so their fingers are threaded together instead, then undoing it and just holding their hands flat against each other. Michael lines their hands up, fingers following the same lines. He wonders if Ashton can feel the calluses that form whenever Michael has time to pick up a guitar. The metal of his rings is warmer than Michael anticipated. Every moment that they stay frozen like that makes Michael’s heart pound harder, even though they’re simply touching hands, something ordinary and barely worthy of comment.

“Your hands are freezing,” Ashton says quietly.

“Your hands make mine look so tiny,” Michael says.

“They are tiny,” Ashton says. “I’m trying to figure out how to hold them.”

“Like this.” Michael laces their fingers together again gently, one space over from how Ashton had done it. “Who knew that holding hands would be the thing to trip you up?”

“I guess I haven’t had anyone’s hands to hold in a while. I’m out of practice on this whole romance thing.”

“You’re doing alright so far.”

“Well, this is the easy stuff. Are you sure you’re down for anything?”

“Yeah,” Michael says, heart leaping into his throat at the possibility of what that could mean.

Ashton hums, then shifts so he’s facing Michael. His eyes search his face and Michael does his best not to show any of his thoughts, especially how much he wants Ashton to do one particular thing. He steadfastly keeps his gaze locked on his eyes instead of letting it flicker down to his lips.

Ashton leans in slowly, telegraphing his movements, and presses a lingering kiss to his cheek, nose pressing into his cheekbone and breath against his face. Michael can’t stop his inhale, catching a whiff of Ashton’s favorite cologne, just from the proximity.

“Still okay,” he manages to say. Ashton doesn’t lean back, comfortable staying in Michael’s space, probably close enough to hear how loudly his heart is beating.

“And if I moved a few inches to the left?”

Michael swallows.

“Still okay.”

For a moment he thinks that Ashton might do it, just to see how far he can press. Michael will always meet him challenge for challenge, and he has the perfect excuse for it. Ashton’s just so close, and Michael might never have this opportunity again despite fantasizing about it for years. It would be so easy to now. He almost turns and presses their lips together himself, but Ashton pulls away right before he finds the courage to do so.

“Okay,” Ashton says, picking up his cocoa again. “We can play it by ear. We’ll just do what feels natural and appropriate for the situation. Sound good?”

Michael nods. Ashton glances at him over his mug.

“Are you sure? You’re in charge here, Michael. I’m willing to do whatever you want me to.”

“No, that’s good,” he says. “That’s the best way to do it.”

Ashton observes him for a moment longer, in that way that makes Michael feel like he’s revealing too much. Secrets from Ashton are the hardest ones to keep, but he’s had a lot of practice.

“If you say so,” Ashton says. “If I do something you don’t like, just tell me.”

“Yeah, same to you.”

Michael picks up his mug again.

“What do you think our worst date was?” Ashton asks. Michael snorts into his cocoa, because only Ashton would put that as a high priority part of their boyfriend story, but they spend almost all of the time until they need to get ready coming up with increasingly ridiculous scenarios and arguing over whether either of them would plan that as a date in the first place. Michael has long since finished his drink by the time Ashton checks the time and says they need to get ready.

Michael doesn't start to feel nervous until he's standing in front of the bathroom mirror, struggling with his tie and feeling ridiculous for it. The office encourages business casual, so he rarely has to wear one, but apparently because the party is joint with headquarters the dress code is stricter.

Michael was not made for formal wear. He feels best when he gets to dress down, and he knows that his preferred hairstyle doesn't always align with a clean suit and tie. For a long time, he didn't even have a suit coat that fit right, but his parents paid for one for his birthday over a year ago with the idea that it'd help him get a better job. It did eventually work, but he never breaks it out unless he has to.

“Hey Michael?" Ashton calls from outside. "Do I need a tie if I wear a red shirt instead of a white one?"

"Do whatever you want," Michael responds. "Just be sure you're not showing all your chest hair. Can you tie my tie?"

Ashton pushes the door open. Michael catches a flash of red out of the corner of his eye before he turns and takes in the full picture. Ashton looks stunning, and even though Michael expected that it takes his breath away. His suit fits his shoulders nicely and tapers at the waist, and the red compliments his skin tone well, bold and vivid. Michael is pleased to see that only the top two buttons are undone, keeping things appropriate, but there's a thin gold chain peaking out just below his collarbones. He wants to trace it with his finger, then let his hands wander lower.

"Wow," he says. "You clean up nice."

"My hair is a mess. I need to put some gel in it before we go," Ashton says, batting Michael's hands away from his tie and taking over. "Are you nervous?"

"A little," Michael admits, tilting his chin up to give Ashton better access. "This would be a bit nerve-wracking even without the fake boyfriend thing. I don't think I'm going to know many people there."

"Well, you'll have me." He tightens the tie, then cups Michael's cheek. He leans into it, leaching the comfort provided.

"There," Ashton says. "I have the most handsome boyfriend tonight. He was even considerate enough to match his tie to my shirt. Everyone is going to be jealous."

"Thanks," Michael says. He steps back and hands Ashton the container of hair cream on the counter, watching him rub a bit of it between his fingers then comb through his hair, adjusting the way it's artfully tousled and smoothing the sides until he's satisfied.

"Maybe I have the most handsome boyfriend tonight," he says.

"Now you're just trying to butter me up," Ashton replies, grinning at him. "I already agreed to this. The flattery is unnecessary, but not unwelcome."

"Can't I just think you're a good looking guy?" Michael asks, trying to keep the tone teasing like he would with Luke or Calum. "You're a sexy motherfucker, Irwin; I hate to break it to you."

"That's rich coming from you."

"We don't have time for this," Michael laughs, pushing him out of the bathroom. "I can't show up late to my first office winter party just because you won't take my compliment without trying to one-up me."

"There are worse reasons to be late," Ashton protests, planting his feet so Michael has to actually put in an effort, stumbling when Ashton suddenly relents. He catches Michael with a cheeky grin.

"Move," Michael laughs, savoring how close they're standing, tethered together by Ashton's hands on his elbows. "We have to go."

Ashton’s eyes search his face, suspended in the moment like he knows that Michael wants nothing else than to live here forever. Michael sways forward, magnetic pull too strong, but Ashton steps back in the same moment, moving them out of the bathroom and tugging him towards the door.

“Bundle up,” Ashton says. “I hear it’s cold outside.”

-/-

The venue is simultaneously huge and very difficult to find. Ashton puts the address in his phone, but he’s a bad navigator and recent snowfall makes the roads slick, complicating the driving process more. They’re supposed to get more snow tonight, but Michael can find Ashton’s house in any context and situation, like a homing pigeon on the return journey. It would be his most useless skill if he didn’t end up in the driver’s seat after almost every gig they go to, Ashton always too hyped up and focused on the music to enjoy driving home.

The nearest place to park is a block away and lands Ashton in a snowbank. Michael gets out first and offers him a steadying hand, and Ashton beats him to paying the meter. He links their arms as they walk, breath fogging in front of their faces.

“It’s a beautiful night, sweetheart,” Ashton says.

“Sweetheart?”

“Just trying out some pet names, seeing what fits, honey. Darling? I feel like I shouldn’t be saying babe if we’re both wearing suits in front of your fancy work friends.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Michael says, as if he hasn’t bit his tongue against calling Ashton babe before. He’s not the type of person who can pull off platonic pet names.

“We’re really flying by the seat of our pants here.”

“It’ll be fine, right?” Michael asks. “No one has a reason to think I’m lying, so they’ll believe us even if we mess up.”

“They will,” Ashton says. “I’m going to be so in love with you they’ll wonder if we’re eloping tomorrow.”

Michael’s heart leaps into his throat. When Ashton puts his mind to something, it happens. He might really have to watch himself to ensure that he doesn’t fall for their lie, too.

“Is this it?” Ashton asks under his breath as they arrive at the doors. A couple in front of them pull them open, the woman in a longer dress and the man wearing a peacoat over his suit. “Damn, Michael, maybe I should’ve worn a tie.”

“It’ll be fine,” Michael says. “No one is going to be paying attention to us. Besides, you never have to see these people again.”

Ashton hums, holding the door for Michael and following him into the venue entrance. He lets out a low whistle once he sees what’s inside.

The floor looks like it’s marble. There’s a chandelier, golden light reflecting off of crystalline shards to pepper dots like stars across the space. Evergreen trees stand in the corner, gold and silver lights hidden within the branches and surrounded by red and blue baubles. If this is the entry, Michael can’t imagine what the actual event space looks like.

“Hey. Coat check,” Ashton says, nudging Michael out of his chandelier-induced trace and towards the area where an employee waits to take their coats in exchange for a numbered ticket. A different employee at the entrance then asks for their names, because apparently this party needs a guest list , before they finally enter the main event space.

It’s just as stunning as the entry. There’s a larger chandelier in this one, hanging over rows of tables with red and gold tablecloths. Each table has a centerpiece, some with evergreen boughs and pine cones, some with ribbon and candles, each one stunning. Near the front of the room, Michael thinks he can make out an open dance floor and a small stage through the clumps of people in suits and fancy dresses.

“I shouldn’t be here,” he says. “This is a party for people who make six figures. I do not belong here.”

“I thought you audit a bank for farmers,” Ashton says. “Don’t normal work parties include ugly sweater contests and too much eggnog? Why the fuck do farm bankers need suits and chandeliers?”

“I have no fucking clue,” Michael says, eyes scanning over the people he can see in a desperate attempt to find a familiar face. Only half of these people are from headquarters, but Michael still only knows the people in his department. He doesn’t have much contact with people outside of it due to the variety of companies making up their conglomerate, each with a different set of staff.

“Michael!” someone calls. It takes a moment to spot Harry coming towards him, which shouldn’t be possible because Harry’s suit has colorful flowers on it. He’s holding hands with a man Michael recognizes as his husband only because Harry never shuts up about him, making his way through the crowd with a level of enthusiasm that Michael can feel himself automatically mirroring. Harry’s joy has always been infectious, getting Michael through a few long days since he got hired.

Ashton shifts closer and Michael’s adrenaline spikes with the knowledge that the ruse starts now. Harry is Michael’s favorite coworker: if they trick him, they can probably trick everyone.

"Hello," Harry says once he gets close enough to be heard over the sound of everyone else in the room talking and what seems to be faint classical music in the background. "You're the first person I've recognized here."

"Same," Michael says. "I wasn't expecting it to be this crowded."

"Headquarters is big," Harry says. "At least we get free food and to see Lou in a suit."

Harry's companion rolls his eyes.

"You haven't even introduced us and already you're objectifying me. I'm Louis, Harry's husband," he says, sticking out a hand. Michael takes it.

"Michael," he says. "This is Ashton."

"Michael's boyfriend," Ashton adds, taking Louis's hand next and making Michael’s heart stutter. It rolls off Ashton’s tongue so naturally. He’ll probably be hearing him say that in his dreams for the foreseeable future.

Harry lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Ashton," he enthuses. "It's so good to meet you. Alexis owes me fifty dollars."

"What for?" Michael asks.

"Well, we were betting if Ashton was your boyfriend or not. You never actually told us which one of your friends it is, but I could tell by how you talk about him. She thought that was too obvious for how cryptic you were being."

"You talk about me to your work friends?" Ashton asks. Michael tries to shrug nonchalantly.

"All the time," Harry says.

“Do I need to be worried?” Ashton asks.

“Yeah,” Michael says. “I’ve revealed all of your deepest, darkest secrets.”

“It’s cute,” Harry says. “You can tell he thinks the world of you.”

“I don’t even mention Ashton that that much,” he protests. “Not nearly as much as you talk about Louis.”

“No one can top Harry for that,” Louis snorts. “I swear, no one I meet through him ever needs an introduction, because he’s probably already told them everything they could possibly want to know.”

“If it makes you feel better, I know nothing about you,” Ashton says. “You can introduce yourself to me.”

“Well, don’t mind if I do,” Louis says cheekily.Ashton easily sweeps him into conversation, listening intently to his stories as a drama teacher and asking the right questions to keep things going. Michael has heard half of this information from Harry already, but Louis breathes a new life into it. Michael watches him speak, noticing the way that Harry easily leans into him, how they seamlessly finish each other’s sentences and subconsciously know exactly how they fit together. Louis gestures and Harry shifts so he won’t get hit, leaning back into his space with a hand on his back within the next second. Their eyes light up when they glance at each other in between breaths, and Michael feels a pang in his gut.

He wants something like that, someday. It’s the same thing that he sees with Calum and Luke, or Jack and Alex. He wants to share those small touches and brief looks with someone else and know that they’re returned fully. He knows that he sometimes displays his fondness all over his face when he looks at Ashton, but it’s not the same when he has to look away to keep from getting caught.

At least he doesn’t have to look away tonight. He can probably spend as much time as he wants admiring Ashton’s smile and eyes and jawline and everything without repercussions. After all, he’s supposed to be in love, and someone should appreciate that one stubborn strand of hair brushing Ashton’s forehead.

“...Right, Michael?” Ashton asks, words finally reaching Michael’s ears.

“Yeah,” he says, blinking himself out of his daze. He feels his cheeks heat up in a blush. It probably won’t be the last time tonight. “Sorry, what were we talking about?”

“I was telling Louis about Superbloom Studios,” Ashton says, bumping their shoulders together. “Mentioned how you helped Matt and I learn how to use the equipment way back when we first bought it, and now there are secret Michael Clifford demos that legally can’t see the light of day without copyright infringement.”

“You’ve had much better musicians pass through your doors since,” Michael says. “Want to reveal who your most recent client was?”

Ashton mimes zipping his lips.

“You know I can’t until they announce the album. We’re trying to make the Twin Cities a hot spot for Top 40s artists to record, not chase them all away by breaking confidentiality.”

“But a song you produced could be on Top 40 radio soon?” Louis asks. “That’s impressive.”

“We’ll see,” Ashton sings. “I’m not in the habit of counting my chickens before they hatch.”

“No, you’re just in the habit of being a tease.”

Ashton quirks an eyebrow. It makes Michael itch to do something, although he doesn’t know what.

Eventually, he decides to just roll his eyes and cross his arms, pouting a bit. Ashton slips an arm around his waist and presses a kiss to the side of his head, the first real point of contact since entering the event space, and his stomach somersaults multiple times in a row.

Harry and Louis look amused, not suspicious.

“I like this side of you,” Harry says.

“What side?” Michael asks.

“The in-love one. You’re… lighter.”

Michael opens his mouth, but ultimately doesn’t know what to say to that. Ashton replies instead.

“I like it, too.”

They spend the next few minutes talking to Harry and Louis, filling time while other people who seem leagues more comfortable with this event fill the space. Eventually the clock must tick over to the starting time, because someone steps up to the podium at the front of the room and taps the microphone asking for attention.

“Is that our president?” Michael asks Harry, completely not paying attention to the short opening statement about the “success of the company” and how it’s been a “phenomenal year full of milestones and achievements.”

“Yeah,” Harry whispers back. "He'll get up and talk again later, after dinner. Speaking of, we should find a table."

Harry looks over everyone until he sees someone he recognizes, grabbing Louis's hand to start covertly making their way through the crowd, glancing back at Michael and nodding in the direction he's going. Michael grabs Ashton, who seems like he was actually trying to listen, and follows them. As weird as holding his hand earlier had been, weaving through the people standing around with a hand around Ashton’s wrist is comfortable and familiar. It's nothing that they haven't done before at crowded shows pushing towards the barricade or particularly busy streets, but Michael doesn't have to let go once they reach their destination if he doesn't want to.

Their destination ends up being a trio of tables near the center of the room flooded with people that Michael finally recognizes. Alexis, Miranda, Dalmar, Imani, and Jason all wave when they arrive, surrounded by who Michael assumes are their own plus-ones. They slip into seats next to Alexis and her partner, trying to make as little commotion as possible with the president of the company still talking at the front.

While Harry is his favorite coworker, Alexis is arguably the most entertaining. She gets away with pranks and backtalk that Michael is too worried about job security to ever consider, but her after-work gatherings are always a highlight of the week. It would be possible that management is keeping her around solely to boost morale if not for her eye for detail that has saved mistakes from appearing in many projects and reports.

"Hey," Alexis whispers, leaning across Michael to grab Ashton's attention. "I'm Alexis. What's your name?"

"Ashton Irwin," Ashton says, giving her a smile. Alexis swears, dropping her head down to the table.

"You owe me money," Harry stage whispers. She takes a few bills out of her purse without looking and throws them in his general direction. "Thank you!"

"I want to be included in the next office betting pool," Michael whispers. "I want to cheat you out of fifty dollars next time."

"It's not hard," Harry says. "She always bets to lose."

Alexis flips him off.

The president continues to drone on, and Michael starts bouncing his leg up and down out of boredom until Ashton places a hand on it to stop him. He mouths an apology, but Ashton simply slips off his puzzle ring, handing it over. Michael hopes his smile conveys how grateful he is to have something else to fidget with.

When the president finally stops talking, Michael pays attention to his surroundings just enough to realize that tables are being dismissed to go get food one by one. It looks like they won't get to join the line for a while, to his great disappointment. He's getting pretty hungry and the thought of Alexis interrogating Ashton without a distraction makes him nervous. He hands back the ring and switches to tracing the poinsettia pattern woven into the tablecloth, trying not to fidget more while Alexis introduces Jamie and points out the rest of his coworkers at the other tables to Ashton.

"So," Alexis says, leaning on her elbow and propping her head up with her fist, "Michael has told us a few things about you, but how did you meet?"

"At college," Ashton says, draping his arm across the back of Michael's chair as he turns to face Alexis more fully. "We met at a party once, but we didn't really talk until a mutual friend brought us together. He's been one of my best friends ever since."

"Oh, you two have been together a long time," Alexis says.

"We didn't get together until this summer," Ashton corrects good-naturedly. "It was a lot of pining before that. I mean, you've met Michael. I never stood a chance."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Michael frowns.

"Falling for you was inevitable, sweetheart."

Michael blinks at him. That's not something he ever expected to hear, a little over the top even for their fake romance, and he absolutely does not have a response prepared.

"Aw, that's sweet," Alexis says. "Please tell me you guys are actually a normal couple and not a pile of goop like those two over there. Believe me, I love love as much as the next person, but if Jamie and I are the only two here who aren't completely and grossly obsessed with each other we're going to move to the straight coworkers’ table."

"Hey," Harry says, breaking his conversation with Louis to flip her off. Alexis returns it without even glancing at him, an ingrained part of their banter by now. It’s surprising that they haven't gotten reprimanded for it in the office yet.

"If we were as bad as them, you wouldn't have lost fifty dollars just now, don't you think?" Michael asks.

"He has a point," Jamie says. "Besides, everyone is entitled to a honeymoon period."

She takes Alexis's hand on the table and squeezes. Alexis rolls her eyes but squeezes back.

Ashton asks them how long they've been together, then effectively keeps the focus on everyone else at the table instead of them. One of his many skills is making everyone in the room feel like they are the most important person, and Michael is glad that he doesn't have to try to deflect or make up stories right now. Maybe it'll be easier later. Ashton already has everyone he's met wrapped around his finger and hanging off his every word, drawn by the magnetic energy he carries that made Michael first talk to him at that college party all those years ago, but some part of Michael still feels like everyone is going to see through their facade. He knows that theoretically no one cares, but the confirmation of the betting pool makes him jittery. It shouldn't be a big deal, but now he hasn't just lied about having a boyfriend, he's lied about the boyfriend being Ashton , and somehow that's worse.

Still, he can't let Ashton pull all of the weight. He needs to start selling this, too.

Should he initiate some sort of PDA? It's not like he can naturally grab one of Ashton's hands, because he's still leaning on Michael's chair, and anything else feels out of place. Besides, they said that they'd do what feels natural, and none of this is natural to him.

He's overthinking this. He should just pay attention and try to enjoy the night, but that seems like an impossible task with Ashton and Alexis boxing him in on either side. One of them is significantly more distracting than the other, but Michael finds himself wishing that they could just be alone, enjoying one of Ashton's home-cooked meals and the next Christmas movie on his list. Whatever catered dinner they have here isn't going to compare to the way any food tastes when Michael knows that Ashton is the one who made it for him while they enjoy it at his dining room table, and as much as he feels lucky to get on so well with his coworkers, he can do without their company if he has Ashton with him instead.

“Mike,” Ashton says, nudging him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Time to get food,” Ashton says, standing. Michael looks around the table and sees that everyone else is already making their way over to the buffet line. Ashton waits for him and sets a slow pace on their way over.

“You’re really spacey tonight. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael says. “I’m fine.”

Ashton gives him an unimpressed look.

“Seriously,” Michael says. “I’m just overthinking. I’ll be much more enjoyable once we eat and I relax a bit.”

“What can I do?” Ashton asks.

“You’re really playing up the doting boyfriend thing.”

“Hey, no,” Ashton says, pausing. He looks around, then lowers his voice. “I’d ask that even if we weren’t boyfriends right now. You’re important to me, Michael. If I can do something for you, I want to.”

“Thanks,” Michael says. “It’s not a big deal, though. Like I said, once we’re eating and I have other things to focus on it’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Ashton nods once, then takes Michael’s hand. It feels more natural now than it was earlier, smile breaking out unbidden on his face as he squeezes back.

“Come on,” Ashton says. “Food time.”

The buffet is full of delicious options, with pit ham, chicken, pasta, potatoes, roasted vegetables, fruit, hummus, different breads with various spreads, and a cheese platter. Michael and Ashton collaborate to get a little bit of everything, something Ashton probably is only doing to make Michael happy given how closely he guards his food whenever they eat out. If that’s the intention, it works. Michael wants to taste everything, and he can only do that with two plates.

The soft instrumental music makes a return for dinner, gentle conversation starting up at the table once they sit and a staff member brings water around. Michael samples each dish on Ashton’s plate, letting Ashton take what he wants from his, finally settling enough to keep up his typical banter with Alexis, Harry, and their partners. He talks a bit with the other table, settling another bet between Imani and Dalmar and watches Imani collect twenty dollars for having the closest answer to when Michael and Ashton started dating. Her absolutely gleeful expression makes Michael snort, erasing some of the discomfort of the lie.

Staff members for the event space come around with options for dessert, and Michael is once again delighted when Ashton chooses something different from him, an apple crumble while Michael gets a slice of cake. Ashton pushes the plate towards him when it arrives, encouraging him to take a bite.

“Thanks,” he says, taking a forkful. The sweet tang of the fruit doesn’t compare to the sweetness in Ashton’s expression. Michael gets distracted by the pleased noise he makes at his own first bite and the way he licks his spoon after the last one, watching entranced until someone taps a microphone at the front, cutting the background music off abruptly.

“Before we get the party portion of the evening started, I want to make a few more quick announcements,” the president of the company says. He continues to prattle about numbers and figures that Michael can’t follow without them written out in front of him, but he understands as well as everyone else what “winter bonus” and the amount that come after it means.

“Are you going to use that on my Christmas present?” Ashton whispers, leaning close to speak into his ear.

“Shut up,” Michael says, elbowing him. “Maybe I’ll use it to get away from Luke and Cal for a bit.”

“Lake trip part two, this time just me and you?” Ashton asks. Michael doesn’t let himself consider what it would be like to exist at that same cabin from the summer alone with Ashton, with no other people or endless summer fun to distract him. The central heating is awful, so they’d probably spend a lot of time by the fireplace, possibly getting cozy under a blanket. They’d be able to go skating on the lake near shore, maybe after a late brunch. Ashton might sleep in for once in his life. Michael would love to be sleeping in the same bed instead of confined to one of the other rooms, cold and alone.

He’s not considering it. Instead he smiles, shakes his head, and gently pushes Ashton away, trying to refocus on what the president is saying rather than the man next to him.

“The raffle will take place at the end of the night, so be sure to stick around if you want a chance at any of the gift baskets or certificates. We have a beautiful backdrop for photographs in the back corner if you’d like a memory from the night, and leftovers from the buffet are now open. We’re lucky enough to be joined by one of Minneapolis’s fantastic live bands for the dancing portion of the evening, so please enjoy yourselves! Take time to celebrate, enjoy each other’s company, and make the most of this beautiful night. Here’s to many more like it!”

Michael applauds politely along with everyone else, sipping his water while he watches the band set up. Based on the instrumentation, he has absolutely no idea what genre of music they’ll be playing. The only thing that makes sense is the piano and vocalist, but there are also two electric guitars, a drummer, an upright bass, a cellist, a saxophone, and a trumpet. The singer introduces them as Eds and the Airplanes, then they launch into something between 1940’s big band and modern bubblegum pop. Somehow, everyone in the room seems to be in favor of it.

“Huh,” Michael says.

“I know these guys,” Ashton says. “They recorded with us in October.”

“Oh, so you can tell us that but you can’t say who else records with you?”

“They tagged us on Instagram,” Ashton says. “They don’t care if anyone knows what they’re up to. Besides, their manager loves me. It’s fine.”

“Must not love you that much if you’ve never told me about the band.”

Ashton shrugs, but before he can elaborate Harry is there, tapping them both excitedly on the arm.

“Let’s go dance!” he says. “Lou can teach you how to swing dance if you want. I think you can cha-cha to this song.” He does a quick few steps in place on beat, then smiles.

“You can cha-cha to it,” Louis says, appearing over Harry’s shoulder, “but that doesn’t mean that you should. Swing is the way to go here.”

“We’ve taken ballroom dancing classes,” Harry says, pleased. “Come on! Alexis said she’d only get up and dance if you two do, and if Alexis does it the rest of the department will.”

Michael will take every opportunity to push Alexis out of her comfort zone, so he gets up and pulls Ashton with him. There are a few other people doing some semblance of dancing on the outskirts of the dance floor space, mostly older couples, but as soon as Louis and Harry step onto it everything livens up, Louis twirling Harry around and then both of them move around the floor for a few seconds before Louis breaks their hold and rounds on the group.

“Okay, pair up! One of you has to be the lead, aka me, and the other gets to be the follow, aka Harry. Ready?”

“I’ll lead. Good rhythm,” Ashton says, intently watching Louis and trying to mimic his position. He takes Michael’s hand and puts a tentative hand on his waist. Michael does his best to focus and follow the intense three minute crash course that follows without stepping on Ashton’s toes. Ashton catches on right away, and Michael finds it easy to follow him once he gets the basic step down.

“Think you’ve got it?” Louis asks when the next song starts, something around the same tempo and equally as peppy.

“Hell yeah,” Ashton says. He starts the basic step, then twirls Michael and get him to move his feet.

“I think you’re enjoying this too much,” Michael says. He’s led in another spin, Ashton switching hands and Michael trying to remember which one he needs to grab to set them back to rights.

“No such thing,” Ashton replies. “I get to listen to music, be close to you, get the heart rate up a bit… what’s not to enjoy?”

“There are other ways to achieve all of that,” Michael says. Ashton wiggles his eyebrows, and Michael laughs and stumbles over the next few steps. They wait a few bars, then start again in rhythm, four steps with and around each other, Ashton tugging Michael across his body in circles, spinning him out only to pull him back in again.

“Maybe we should go ballroom dancing,” Ashton says. “This is fun. Harry and Louis might have the right idea.”

“I wasn’t expecting dancing tonight,” Michael says, “but I do think we’re the best-looking couple on this dancefloor.”

“Want to try a lift? Dirty Dancing style?”

Michael laughs so hard at the image that they have to pause in their dance, and by the time he recovers the song has ended and transitioned into something slower.

“Come on,” Michael says, leading Ashton back to the edge where the rest of his coworkers have congregated. They pass Harry and Louis on the way, both of them locked in a different style of dance to match the new tempo. Harry winks at him when they catch eyes.

“You didn’t tell us he could dance,” Alexis says to Michael.

“I’m a man of many talents,” Ashton says. “Michael can’t be expected to remember all of them.”

“He’s humble, too,” Michael says.

"Ashton Irwin, I thought that was you!"

Michael turns to find an unfamiliar woman approaching. Her hair is dyed with blues, greens, and yellows, a mixture that's both artistic and striking, especially when paired with the tight black dress she's wearing. She's pretty, with dark lipstick and a gold necklace drawing attention to her bust. If Michael didn't have the most beautiful person in the room next to him, he probably would give her a double take.

"Ashley!" Ashton says, immediately sweeping her into a hug.

"Can’t say I expected to see you here," she says.

"Me neither! I didn't realize your band would be playing tonight," he says. "Guys, this is my friend Ashley. She manages Eds and the Airplanes. We met when she booked our studio a couple months ago."

"Met, went on two dates, became friends instead, you know how it goes," Ashley says.

Michael's heart plummets, then completely stops when he sees the panicked expression on Ashton's face.

"Dates?" Alexis asks carefully. "When was this?"

"Summer," Ashton says quickly. Ashley frowns. "Back in the summer. June, I think. Before I started dating Michael, obviously."

"Dating Michael?" Ashley asks. "When the fuck did that happen, because it sure wasn't while my band was recording."

Oh holy shit. Their entire story is going to get blown apart because Ashton went on some dates with this incredibly attractive, music-smart woman, dates that Michael had no idea about despite theoretically being one of Ashton's best friends. They've seen each other consistently each week since college. When did Ashton have time to sneak around on dates? More importantly, why would he keep this from Michael?

Ashton is floundering for an explanation. Michael can't hear any of his attempts over the ringing in his ears.

"I have to--I have to use the bathroom," he says. He's leaving before anyone has a chance to try to stop him, weaving in between the tables as fast as he can without breaking out into a full-on sprint.

Everyone is going to know that he lied. Even if Ashton manages to charm his way through a salvageable story, why would anyone believe that Ashton would go for someone like him if Ashley is right there? If they didn't work out, why would he and Ashton be able to make it a full five months?

He pushes open the bathroom door, thankful that all of the stalls look empty. It's the type of fancy bathroom with a small armchair in the corner, and he sinks into it, cradling his head in his hands.

Fuck. What if everyone thinks Ashton is a cheater? What other reason would his coworkers have for Ashton's panic and the way Michael ran away? Why else wouldn't Michael know who Ashley is, if her relationship with Ashton was completely innocent?

Why didn't Ashton tell him about her?

The door opens again and Michael jumps.

"Michael?" Harry asks, eyebrows drawn together in concern. "What's wrong? I saw you leave the dance floor pretty quickly."

"I--"

He lets out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair then rubbing at his face, hoping desperately that Harry isn't going to laugh at him.

The cat's out of the bag, anyway. There isn't any way for them to recover from this.

"Ashton's not my boyfriend," he says.

Harry shuffles closer and crouches down by Michael's chair.

"He's not?" he asks slowly. Michael shakes his head.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I never have. I just didn't want to correct you guys when you all thought I did. I don't know, I guess it was nice to pretend for a bit, but everyone was so eager to meet him here, so I asked Ashton to fake it with me."

Harry hums.

"There's a woman here he went on some dates with. I didn't know about them, but they didn't meet until October, and I think she just accidentally busted the whole thing."

Harry hums again. He’s frowning, mouth turned down in a way that makes Michael scared that he just lost his best work friend.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have lied. This is probably just karma.”

“It’s okay,” Harry says. He stands, then leans against the arm of Michael’s chair, putting an arm around his shoulders. “If it makes you feel better, you had me fooled.”

Michael laughs mirthlessly.

“That’s because I’ve been in love with him for years.”

“Oh, Michael,” he says, squeezing him tighter.

“Yep,” he says, popping the last consonant. “Haven’t had time to get a real boyfriend when I’m hung up on him.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry says. There’s nothing else to say.

“And the worst thing is,” he starts, words falling unbidden now that he’s let himself speak, “now that I met her it’s like, how could I compare? I mean, she’s beautiful, and her hair is so gorgeous and fun and mine’s been dull and blonde for so long because otherwise it’ll fall out, and she obviously knows a lot about music while I’ve barely picked up my guitar in the past few weeks and just--”

He sighs and stands, shrugging off Harry’s hands and heading towards the sinks. His hair is a bit messy, resistant to his efforts to comb through it.

“Nothing anyone can do,” he says. “I can’t hide in the bathroom all night. Do you think Alexis and the others are going to hate me?”

“No,” Harry says. “They might think it’s weird for a little bit, though.”

Michael focuses on his hair again, trying to stop the subtle shake in his hands. He and Ashton can just leave early, photo-ops and the raffle be damned. Michael can work around awkwardness, but if that’s all that this night is going to turn into he’d rather be back home playing video games.

The door opens again. Michael tenses, only to see in the mirror that it’s not some stranger or his boss, but Ashton.

“Hey,” Ashton says. He looks at Harry and nods, then turns back to Michael. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he says, messing with the knobs on the sink. “What’s happening out there?”

Ashton glances at Harry again.

“Do you two need a minute?” he asks. Ashton nods, but Harry waits until Michael does too before he leaves.

“I, uh, had to tell Ashley about what’s going on, but I don’t think anyone else knows. Everything is okay.”

“Really?” Michael asks, turning finally. “How did you talk your way out of that one?”

Ashton shrugs. “I’m good with words. Ashley caught on pretty quickly, too.”

"Did you really date her?" he asks before he can stop himself. Ashton sighs.

"We went on a few dates, yes. Two of them. Well, more like one and a half before we decided we were better suited as friends."

"Oh," Michael says. "Why? She seems nice and fun. She obviously likes music, and she's pretty. You'd think you two would be a good match."

"Well, we aren't," Ashton says.

"Okay," Michael says. Ashton nods once. It feels weird and tense, an unusual dynamic for them that Michael doesn't know how to fix. "Sorry, I guess."

"Don't be," Ashton says. "I never should have started it. It's a good thing it ended where it did."

"Why?"

Ashton sighs, coming over by the sinks to lean against the counter. The bathroom isn't that large, but Michael hadn't realized how far away he felt before he had him within arm's reach.

"I... was just using her, I think. I was hung up on someone else and thought that if I dated her, I'd be able to get over it. That wasn't fair to either of us. She caught on and said we should be friends instead."

Michael's breath catches in his throat. Ashton has been doing his own pining, going so far as to try to date other people to get over this mystery person, and he's been doing all of it without Michael's knowledge.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" he asks, hoping that it doesn't sound hurt. "I didn't even know you liked anyone. I could've tried to help."

Ashton takes a breath, tracing the marble pattern on the countertop with his finger for a long moment, close to where Michael is resting his own fingers. He wants to reach out and tie their hands together, but Ashton looks up at him before he can. There's something heavy in his gaze that makes Michael feel like whatever he says next could break him if neither of them are careful. Still, he leans closer, trying to let Ashton know that he's listening. He's always listening to him.

"The person I was hung up on... or, well, am still hung up on, I suppose, he--"

The door opens again and both of them spring back, breaking their bubble like they're school kids caught skipping class to make out in the bathroom. Michael's cheeks flame, but the man who enters doesn't spare them a glance, headed straight to a stall.

"We should rejoin the party," Ashton says. Michael can't stop the disappointment that fills him, despite knowing that Ashton is right. Besides, public restrooms aren't exactly the most pleasant hangout, not even one fancy enough for an armchair in the corner and little vials of lotion by the sinks.

"Okay," he says. "Everything's good?"

"Everything's good," Ashton replies. Michael nods and squares his shoulders, following Ashton out of the bathroom and back into the bustle of the party. The band is still playing at the front, but Michael drags his feet, pausing and tugging Ashton with him towards the beverages to get another drink of water. Ashley intercepts them on the way over.

"Michael? Hey," she says. "I'm sorry about what happened back there. I obviously had no clue what you two were doing and I didn't mean to throw a wrench in things. I think we covered it pretty well, though. You're secret's still safe."

She winks, charm oozing out of her in a way that partially reminds him of Ashton. Once again, he wonders why they didn't work out. Whoever Ashton likes must be pretty special.

He pushes the thought away. There's no use getting upset over it when he still has to put on a show of being happy for the rest of the night. He has to at least be able to fake it, and that means distracting himself until he can get home and wallow.

"It's okay," he says. "You didn’t know. It's not like you could’ve guessed what was happening."

Ashley laughs. "You're right about that. Still, I support it. You two make a good pair."

Michael glances at Ashton, who looks like he's either trying to psychically communicate with Ashley or gut her. Michael clears his throat, trying not to wonder who Ashton wishes he were a pair with, instead.

"Thanks," he says.

"Well, I need to get back to the band in case they need me. I'm sure I'll see you both sometime later."

"Yeah, later," Michael says.

"See you, Ash," Ashton adds. Ashley smiles and gives them both a small wave with her fingers as she turns. Michael watches her walk away.

“Come on,” he says eventually. “I want some water.”

The band transitions to another slower song, something jazzy featuring the piano and upright bass. Ashton puts a hand near the base of Michael’s spine as they walk, finally getting little plastic cups of water and wandering to an empty space to sip it.

“This isn’t how I expected the evening to go,” Ashton says. Michael snorts.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s not you,” Ashton says. “But I do think we need to raise your spirits a bit. It’s your holiday work party! You’re with friends, enjoying live music and getting to dress up. Come dance with me again.”

“You think very highly of your dancing skills,” Michael says. “Don’t let it go to your head. You’re no Fred Astaire.”

“I’m impressed you know who that is,” Ashton says, downing the rest of his water and throwing it in a nearby trash bin. Michael makes an affronted noise that goes ignored. “Regardless of you insulting my dancing, it was making you smile earlier. Come on. You can’t let one false alarm ruin your night. Dance a few songs with me, then we can take ridiculous pictures with their winter backdrop and wait for the raffle before heading back out into the snow.”

“I don’t want you to step on my toes,” Michael says.

“I promise I won’t,” Ashton pleads. “Please?”

Ashton peers at him earnestly, eyes soft. He starts to smile, knowing that Michael is going to cave against his best attempts, and when he takes Michael's hand and starts to walk towards the dance floor, Michael unsticks his feet and follows him.

"You're lucky I like you," Michael says. He tries to sound begrudging, but it probably doesn't work. Ashton can read him too well.

"I am," Ashton says. He stops abruptly, making Michael run into him, and turns. "Seriously. I'm lucky to have you in any way you let me. You're so wonderful, and I'm grateful that I can call you one of my best friends."

Ashton brings their hands up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of Michael's palm, watching his reaction through his lashes. Something indescribable lodges itself in Michael's throat. For a moment, he wonders if he can tell Ashton all of the ways he wants him without messing everything up.

"Come on," Ashton says, breaking the moment. "Let's dance."

Another slow jazzy song is playing when they make their way to the floor, and they join other couples in an embrace. Ashton keeps their hands together but slides a gentle hand around his waist to his lower back, resting heavily there and pulling them closer together. Michael finds a spot for his hand on Ashton's shoulder, but with how close they're standing it's more like a hug than anything else. Ashton starts them in a gentle sway.

"Hey," Ashton murmurs, close enough that Michael feels his breath puff against his cheek. It reminds him of the moment after Ashton kissed his cheek on his couch this afternoon, when Michael thought he might try to kiss him on the lips next.

"Yeah?"

"Harry and Louis are making out in the corner. It's very unfitting for a work function."

"What?" he asks. Ashton turns them so he can see, and sure enough his eyes find Harry's floral suit near the edge of the room, the man himself locking lips with his husband.

"Huh," he says. "I hope our manager sees them and says something about it. You'd think after being married for a few years they'd have calmed down."

"It's kind of cute," Ashton says. "It's nice that they're still that in love with each other."

"I guess," Michael says. "I don't know. I don't think I'd want to be that gushy with someone, you know? I don't need to always be touching or making out to know that we like each other, hopefully. I don't know if I'd enjoy that, especially somewhere as public as this."

"What would you enjoy, then?" Ashton asks. Michael shrugs.

"What we're doing here, I think. It's nice, but not suffocating. We're enjoying each other's company and all, but what would be the point of even going out if we were going to be hanging off each other the entire time? We could just do that at home."

"I thought you'd be a bit more cuddly."

Michael will be the first to admit that he loves a lot of physical contact, and back in college he probably would have said he wanted it all the time. He would love to show off his partner and relationship as much as possible. Now, though, it's a bit different. Ashton doesn't hang off people as much as the rest of them do, but that's okay. Michael has learned to read him over the years, and there's something to be said about subtle glances and soft words kept between just the two of them, tucked close to Michael's heart, things Michael has stopped mentioning in his lovesick laments to Calum and Luke. Some things are made more special when they're only shared between two people.

"In private, yes. Of course I'd want to be as close as possible to you. But I don't really want everyone else seeing that, I guess. I want some things to be just for us."

"I understand. I like that better, too." Ashton clears his throat. "Theoretically."

"Theoretically," Michael says, thankful that his face is partially hidden from the angle that they're dancing.

That's the type of relationship he would want with Ashton. It's been too long since he thought about what he would want in a relationship with anyone else. It could be different, but it certainly wouldn't be better.

"I hope you get that," Ashton says suddenly. "I know we're pretending now because you didn't want to tell your coworkers that you don't have anyone, but I hope you find someone soon. I want you to be happy."

"You too," Michael says. It’s not a lie, even if it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He's not going to get a happy relationship until he gets over Ashton, and he's already spent so many years liking him that he doesn't know how to stop.

Ashton hums. Michael thinks he might understand, given his own secret pining that he's been doing. He wants to ask again why Ashton didn't tell him. He doesn't know if he's ready for the answer.

The song ends, transitioning to another upbeat number that has younger people jumping and older people shuffling along together. Ashton suddenly swings Michael out in another twirl, and then they're back to swing dancing, two steps and a ball-change keeping them on beat.

"Warn a guy next time," he says when he comes back to him.

"Spin incoming," Ashton says, sending him right back into another twirl. Michael laughs through it, and Ashton's responding smile is the best thing Michael has seen all night.

-/-

Michael ends up dancing with Ashton for the rest of the night, losing track of fast songs and slow ones with intermittent breaks to bother his friends and catch a breath until the band announces that it'll be their last one of the evening. It feels strange that Michael has spent so much time stressing over this night only for it to be nearly over. When the song finishes, Ashton dips him like they’re in a movie. Looking at him framed by the overhead lights, Michael can almost believe he has a halo.

They make their way back to the table they started at for the raffle, Michael sitting and Ashton making a detour to get water. Everyone in attendance got their name put in as part of the RVSP, but Michael doesn't even know half of the prizes. In reality, he's ready to stare at Ashton and trace individual strands of hair through his curls with his eyes rather than listen, memorizing every detail he can.

"Hey," Alexis says when he sits down. "You looked like you were having a good time."

"I was," he says. "Dancing is more fun than I thought, but don't tell Harry I said that."

“I already know,” Harry says. “You and Ashton should join us when we go dancing.”

Michael gives him his most sarcastic smile. Alexis studies his face, eyes looking for any signs of deceit in a way that makes him sit up straighter.

"Does he treat you well?" she asks. "Things were really weird once that Ashley girl showed up."

"He does," he says. "I promise."

Alexis continues her scrutiny, but she must be satisfied with her findings, because she nods.

"Good," she says. "I like him, but I like you more."

"Thanks," he says.

"What about me?" Harry asks. Alexis flips him off, and things at the table are back to normal by the time Ashton returns with two cups of water, one that he hands to Michael. The president taps the microphone again before Michael can properly thank him, so he elects for squeezing his hand and hopes it suffices. From Ashton's smile, it does.

The first few raffles are for various baskets following themes like movies, a taste of Italy, and art. Michael zones out as people he doesn't recognize get their names called (and sometimes butchered), thoughts wandering to his expectations of the night and what actually happened.

He and Ashton never got their picture taken with the backdrop. It's not the end of the world, but Michael wishes they had thought to do that. It may be fake, but it'd be the only couple's photo of them that Michael may get, and he'd like to remember some things about the night, like the feeling of dancing in Ashton’s arms and how radiant he looks.

For all of the fuss about PDA and mistletoe, they didn't have to contend with any of that, either. Michael's not sure if he's relieved or disappointed.

"Ashton Irwin!" the president calls. Michael startles as the rest of their table erupts in cheers.

“Huh,” Ashton says, standing. “I didn’t know I was included in this.”

“Go get your prize,” Harry says, shooing him forward. Michael watches him make his way to the front and come back with a basket.

“You can probably have half of this,” Ashton whispers to him, showing the basket. There are two mugs in it, but there’s also a lot of coffee, and Ashton doesn’t care about how fancy his caffeine is. He takes it black the majority of the time and uses it more as a tool to wake up than an enjoyable beverage. They ignore the rest of the raffles in favor of pawing through the basket, taking out items to pass around the table when the others ask about them. There’s some fancy hot cocoa mix that makes Ashton’s eyes light up, but the majority of it is coffee that Michael has to resist the urge to open up and smell. Knowing him, he’d make a mess.

Michael is so focused on the coffee that he barely registers the end of the party, the president’s words going in one ear and out the other until everyone starts standing and shuffling towards the door around him.

“Hey,” Alexis says. “You can’t leave until we take a picture. Dalmar wants one of the whole department.”

“I want one of us,” Harry says. They wait a minute to let some of the crowd clear out, then Michael is swept up in the tide heading towards the photo backdrop. There’s cotton on the ground to give the impression of snow, and one side has pine trees decked in gold and a starry landscape behind while the other has silver accents and a sparkly wire reindeer.

“Very thoughtful of them to coordinate a gold and a silver option, I assume so everyone can choose the backdrop that best matches their outfit,” Ashton says, voice low. Michael snickers.

Ashton joins the other plus-ones off to the side while Michael is corralled into a department picture, sandwiched between Alexis and Imani. Once Dalmar promises to email it out, Harry makes him stay for a picture with him and Alexis, then another one that includes their dates.

“Do you want one with just you two?” Harry asks him after. Michael glances at Ashton, then nods, handing his phone over. He hasn’t checked it all night, and there are a few messages from both Calum and Luke that he’ll probably ignore until morning.

Ashton puts an arm around his waist for probably the last time tonight and decides to use the privilege for evil, jabbing him in the side and making him squirm and involuntarily laugh.

“I hate you,” he says.

“No you don’t,” Ashton responds cheekily. Michael turns back to where Harry already has the camera up.

“Say cheese,” he says. Michael smiles. Harry gets a few shots in before Ashton presses a kiss to his cheek. Michael hopes he doesn’t look too startled before he starts smiling again, letting himself relish in the moment.

“Got any good ones?” Ashton asks once he pulls away.

“Yeah, I think so,” Harry says.

“Ashton,” Ashley calls, appearing in the crowd and waving him over. He glances back at Michael.

“One moment,” he says, then heads towards her.

“So,” Harry says casually, handing over Michael’s phone. “There’s really nothing going on with you two?”

Michael lets his gaze land on Ashton, locked in what looks to be a serious conversation with Ashley. She gestures and he makes a face that she returns, but he can’t tell what they’re discussing.

“No, not on his end. He has someone else he’s after.”

“Someone who isn’t you?”

Michael shrugs. “He didn’t say. There’s no way, though. I think I’ve used up all my luck for the night. Karma says nothing else good can happen now that the lie worked.”

“It’s Christmastime, Michael,” Harry says. “Maybe you’ll get a miracle.”

Ashton hugs Ashley. She says something into his ear and he nods. Michael sighs and forces himself to turn back to Harry, who is still looking at him with his head tilted like a puppy.

“He cares about you a lot; it's been obvious to all of us here tonight. Don't discount that just because you're scared. Maybe it's time to tell him," Harry says.

"I've been doing this for years," Michael reminds him. "It's never time."

"Hey," Ashton says, reappearing. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Michael says. "See you later, Harry. Tell Alexis I say goodbye, too."

"Good luck, Michael. Remember, Christmas miracles!"

Michael gives him a tight smile and starts towards the coat check. They killed enough time with the pictures that they don't have to wait in line too long before they're bundled up and ready to leave.

"What did Harry mean about Christmas miracles?" Ashton asks, putting on his gloves.

"Nothing," Michael says. "He's just being optimistic. What did Ashley want to say to you?"

"Oh, you know," Ashton says. "Just that it was good to see each other and finally meet you."

"Meet me?" Michael asks. "She didn't even talk to me. Why would she want to meet me, anyway? I'm just an auditor."

"You're not just anything. Besides, I've probably talked about you a lot. Come on. Time to brave the cold."

Michael frowns at the abrupt change, but Ashton is already heading towards the entrance, so he scrambles to catch up.

A gust of wind greets then outside, thick snow swirling in the air around them. Michael braces himself against it, huddling down in his coat and shoving his hands in his pockets. Ashton leans close, flexing his fingers where he's gripping the handle of the basket, and they shuffle down the sidewalk as one. Once Michael gets to the car, he immediately turns on the defroster and heat, hating the first few minutes of cold air until the car warms up properly. Ashton grabs the scraper from the back before Michael can, brushing snow off the front windshield and scraping away the frost that had gathered in the time they were at the party. When he gets to the driver-side window, he makes funny faces at Michael while clearing it off. It warms him more than the heater does.

"Thanks," Michael says once he's done. "I hate scraping.”

"I know," Ashton says, brushing snow off of his coat where it had gathered on his shoulders. "Hey, I got a gift card in my basket. Let's swing by before you drop me off."

"It's a little late for coffee," Michael says.

"This place is open until midnight, and they have great hot chocolate. Come on. You got me a free meal tonight, so let me give you a free late-night cocoa."

"Fine," Michael says, as if he wasn't going to cave as soon as Ashton suggested it, as if he himself wouldn't mind prolonging their time together if it's just the two of them. "Put the address in. The roads aren't that bad yet."

-/-

The coffee shop is a small place on a corner, one of the only shops still lit up at 9:30 at night. Snow has gathered on the window ledges and the corners are blocked by frost, but warm light and swashes of browns and yellows still spill out, giving the entire building an inviting atmosphere. Ashton holds the door for him on the way in, the bell above the door tinkling a greeting with the welcome rush of heated air.

The inside is just as cozy as Michael's first impressions suggested. A few mismatched tables are scattered around the room with wooden chairs tucked against them, but it's the armchairs near the back that make him smile, big padded things arranged around a crackling fireplace that would probably swallow him if he sat down in them. A bookshelf sits off to the side, old paperbacks and worn hardcovers nestled amongst other trinkets on warped wooden shelves, sinking under the weight of the years. A Christmas tree stands in the corner, what looks like homemade ornaments adoring it and a few boxes in shiny wrapping paper underneath. Calm Christmas music plays faintly over the speakers, and a barista calls out from where she is wiping down a table that she'll be with them in a moment.

"I've never been here before," Michael says.

"If you lived with me instead of out in a suburb, you would've by now," Ashton says, brushing snow off of Michael’s shoulder. "It's one of my favorite places to go once winter hits. I don't care for coffee, but I love everything else about the place. It's a great source of inspiration and relaxation."

"Of course it is," Michael says fondly. "Every place is a source of inspiration for you. You probably found inspiration at my work party."

"Maybe that was more about the company than the location," Ashton says.

"I guess there were a lot of interesting people there, like Ashley. You can probably get some material from Harry and Louis, too."

Ashton stares at him for a long moment.

"Are you being deliberately obtuse as a way to let me down? Or do you really not know yet?"

"Hi, what can I get you?" the barista asks. Michael is getting really sick of people interrupting Ashton when he's about to tell him something.

Ashton orders two small hot chocolates, one with whip and one without, then leads Michael to a table in the back corner. It's an odd choice when they have the entire shop to themselves, but Michael doesn't fight it. He's too distracted by the tantalizing smell of the hot cocoa and the mountain of whip on top of it, so much so that he burns his tongue on the first sip.

"Careful," Ashton laughs. He reaches forward and swipes the whip right off Michael's nose, popping it into his mouth. Michael's brain shuts down and takes its sweet time restarting, staring at Ashton gently blow on his own cocoa and take a much more cautious sip.

"So," Ashton says. "I had an alternative motive for getting you to come here tonight."

"Is this payback for making you come to the party with me? Are you going to ask me for a favor?"

"Not a favor," Ashton says. "Well, I suppose you could come to the studio's New Years Eve party with me, if you wanted."

"I was already planning on going," Michael says. I've been there every year since you opened. I wasn't going to miss it now."

"See, this is what I was talking about with you being deliberately obtuse," Ashton says. "Do you want to go with me? As my date?"

Michael frowns.

“Did you tell everyone you have a secret boyfriend?”

Ashton sighs and cradles his head in his hands. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you.”

“Say what?” Michael implores. “Is it too much for you to stop being so cryptic and just tell me what you want me to understand?”

“Michael, I really, really like you. Romantically. I have for a long time. I want to know if you’ll go on a date with me.”

“What the fuck?” Michael asks. Ashton’s face crumples. “No, not like--how long? Because I’ve been in love with you since college!”

“What?” Ashton blinks. “I thought… I mean, I’d hoped, and there were moments, but I didn’t realize it had been that long for you.” He smiles, letting it grow on his face until it’s overwhelming. Michael mirrors it. “Holy shit. This is great!”

Michael laughs.

“Do you really like me?”

“Yes, Michael. Of course I do. I knew I eventually would as soon as I met you, I just put it off for as long as I could. You’re magnetic. It was inevitable.”

Michael doesn’t know what to do with the joy bubbling up in him, threatening to overflow like a volcano with all of the heat of one.

“So, Michael Clifford, want to be my date to the Superbloom New Year’s party? And my boyfriend? My real one, in case that somehow wasn’t clear by now.”

“Yes! Please, yes, I would love to,” Michael says.

“Good,” Ashton says. “But I do have one more confession to make. I still haven’t told you why I wanted to come here right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look up,” Ashton says, pointing above their heads. Michael follows his directions and is met with a small sprig of green leaves with tiny white flowers hanging from the ceiling. “We never did get a mistletoe kiss, which was extremely disappointing to me. Will you indulge me now?”

Michael turns back to him, seeing hope shining in his eyes, and nods a little too eagerly if the way Ashton giggles at him is any indication.

“Alright,” Ashton says, standing. “Come on. I’m not about to make you lean over the table.”

He takes Michael’s hands, tugging him to standing.

“I’m weirdly nervous,” Michael confesses once they’re face to face.

“Don’t be,” Ashton says, taking a step forward. “If it’s bad, we’ll just try again. I have the feeling I’ll be kissing you a lot in the future.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathes.

“Ready?” Ashton asks, eyes flicking down to Michael’s lips and then back up. Instead of answering, Michael leans in, Ashton meeting him halfway in the best kiss Michael has ever had. In the grand scheme of things, it’s utterly unremarkable, but to Michael it’s everything: the feeling of his cold hands enveloped by Ashton’s, the calm atmosphere of the coffee shop they’re in, the taste of hot chocolate still on Ashton’s lips, and the satisfaction of finally, after years, knowing what this sensation is like all melts together to form something that feels like complete and utter happiness.

Ashton drops their hands so he can cup Michael’s jaw and kisses him again, and then again, and then they stand there smiling at each other until Michael finally starts giggling.

“Our hot chocolate is probably getting cold,” he says.

“God, I love you,” Ashton replies. Michael knows that he’s blushing, but for once it’s not out of embarrassment or the cold outside. He’s never felt this level of joyful peace.

Ashton kisses him once more, quickly, before he finally goes back to his seat. Michael joins him, taking a sip of his drink. He can’t help but think that Ashton’s homemade cocoa is better.

The man in question reaches out and takes one of his hands, holding it across the table and beaming, showing off his dimples, and Michael once again can’t resist smiling back.

Maybe Harry is right. Karma stands no chance against a Christmas miracle.

#my writing #mashton #5sos fanfic #ficmas 2020

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