#knot in my stomach thinking about all the bad faith ways this can be taken. but maybe thats just the meds

[lesbianralzarek]

disco elysium discourse is like:

i love big fandoms, so im actually 100% down for people joining without playing the game. its great that more de content creators get the attention they deserve! but please dont discourse about nuanced media if you havent interacted with it. ill-informed negativity is neither fun nor helpful. hmu if you want help pirating it :)

(image ID in alt text)

[whatissleepeven]

Okay so imagine the brothers are offered back their divinity if they kill the MC. How would they react? (Oh or for more angst- get back Lilith in exchange for MC’s life?)

Ohohoho, is this angst hour I sense? Thank you for this ask, and I’m...sorry in advance for the heavy feelings-

(Me: Okay angst time, time to play the appropriate song

*begins playing Spiderman Pizza Delivery Theme*

Me: let’s begin)

Trigger Warnings: Panic Attack (Beel’s Prompt), PTSD Symptoms (Also Beel’s Prompt), Talk of Loss

----------------------------

Obey Me! Brothers’ Reactions To An Ultimatum

Lucifer

Well, he certainly does think about it.

No, not about the divinity...but about Lilith.

They could have her back in their lives? All for the price of one human?

This human, who has caused him nothing but grief and throws themselves head-first into danger.

If this was towards the beginning of the program, he’d be more inclined to take it-

But he doesn’t.

He can’t do that to you. Not you. You, who had repaired their broken family. You, who had seen all of their flaws and strengths and passions and fears and embraced them.

You, who continues to smile so brightly and say his name with utmost faith in him.

He lowers his arm. You look fearful, but...resigned. Like it will be fine, like it was okay if he killed you.

He hates it.

“Does your life matter to you that little?”

You smile sadly, and a small portion of him wants to scream. No no no, it cries out, this isn’t how you’re supposed to be! Your smiles aren’t supposed to be full of sorrow!

“Your sister meant-...means a lot to you. To all of you. Who am I to take that away, huh?”

He walks over to you, his steps measured. You close your eyes, waiting for the killing blow-

A weight settles on your head, giving it a few rubs. “You are worth more than you could ever know. Remember that.”

He continues to walk, heading out the door. A few tears drip from your face onto the floor.

He could care less about his divinity. If he had to choose here or the Celestial Realm, he’d much rather stay here. He knows, deep in his heart, that Lilith lived a long and successful life.

You, however, are irreplaceable.

Mammon

“H-Hey...ya gotta be kidding me.”

“Well?” You grin, holding your arms out. Your stance is peaceful, like all you’re asking for is a hug. But he knows better.

Divinity and Lilith? All for killing-...

For killing you?

He hates this. He hates the look in your eyes, hates the trust you’re showing him, and hates your bleeding heart that’s just waiting to be taken for granted. Hell, it already has been taken for granted.

“What do you think you’re doin’, playin’ the hero? Wanting to sacrifice yourself? You think that’ll make us happy?!” Tears gather in the corners of his eyes.

You lower your arms, shocked. “Wha-”

You let out a small oomph as he tackles you into a hug, pulling you close.

“You’re trembling, ya idiot.” He mumbles, and you feel something wet drip onto your shirt. He’s crying, you realize. He’s crying because this hurts him.

“Mammon...I-”

He pulls back to clamp his hands down onto your shoulders. “Save it!” He barks forcefully, making you blink. “Ya really thought I’d give all this up? For something that’s already happened? I like what we got goin’ here. My brothers like this life way better than the ones we had in the Celestial Realm. Everyone’s happier lately, and it’s ‘cause of you.”

The minute trembling that ran through your body before returns in full force, tears pooling forth as you grip his shirt. He pulls you back into the hug, and you feel safe. That’s right; he’s your number one protector, the Avatar of Greed.

How could you forget that?

He grins, reaching a hand up to ruffle your hair in a playful manner. You laugh thickly, your tears still falling. “You’re stuck with the Great Mammon, and don’tcha forget it!”

Because you are his priceless treasure. Not Lilith, not some stupid divinity...

You.

Leviathan

Leviathan has always been the outcast.

His passions, his fears, his confidence...All of those are wildly different from his brothers’. He’s not as close as Beel and Belphie are, or as Lucifer and Mammon are, or as Asmo and Satan are.

He’s the black sheep of the family.

“Y-You’re leaving it up to me...?”

You nod. Oh, how he wishes this was just a run-through of an anime script. You two would spend long hours into the night reading the lines and acting them out, repeating each scene until it was done flawlessly.

But reality is far too cruel.

“It’s your family. Your story. I’m just a side character, if you will.”

Your smile is cynical. He wants nothing more than to throw his spare Ruri-chan blanket around your shoulders and force you to marathon the entire series of “I Love My Best Friend But I Get Everything Back If I Kill Them...I Have A Choice To Make!”.

He takes a step forward. Then another. “You...Why would you do that?”

You laugh, a warm sound that serves to make his stomach knot with dread.

“Because I love you guys, why else?”

Silence. He doesn’t know what to say. What’s the right thing to do? What can he do, with his small confidence?

He’s struck with a memory, of the two of you gaming in his room. He had felt terrible due to his brothers critiquing his love for anime to the point he started to berate himself for it, and you merely patted his shoulder while telling him words he’d never forget.

“There’s things only you can do, Levi. So when you start to overthink...just feel, and let your body handle the rest.”

It’s time to take you up on your advice.

“Ghk-!” You stumble as he lunges at you, the both of you toppling to the floor. He’s crying, clinging to you like a lifeline.

“I-I could never kill the Henry to my Lord of Shadows...Every Lord of Shadows only has one Henry...!!”

Leviathan has always been the outcast. He still is, but when he’s with you he feels like he belongs.

Satan

“No.”

“...Huh.” You blink at him. You’re not sure if you heard him right. Did he just-...say “no”?

“No.” He says again, his eyes narrowing. “Please tell me you’re joking about this.”

Why? Why would you throw away your life like that? For their “happiness”? Give him a break.

“What do you think you’re accomplishing by doing this?” His voice starts quiet, growing in volume as he steps towards you. You backpedal, not expecting the angered response, which only serves to fuel his fury.

“Do you think it’d make us happy? Do you think we’d jump at the chance to sacrifice you for something that’s better long forgotten? Do you really think so little of us? Well? ANSWER ME!!”

You flinch as he gets in your personal space, only to freeze when arms wrap around you and squeeze you tight.

“I was born from Lucifer’s wrath, the only bona-fide demon among my other brothers. For a long time, all I knew was anger and hate,” he whispers, stubbornly refusing to look at your shocked gaze. “I began to read to learn more, to be able to feel other emotions. But the anger and hate stayed, concealed by the thin veil I constructed to make myself more likeable. More polite. More charming.”

He wanted nothing to do with Lucifer. He wanted it so bad it hurt. So he built himself a brand-new personality, becoming someone others could rely on, all so he could spite him.

And then you came along.

Your eyes water as you realize that you feel him shaking. “I never met her, you know, but I’ve seen her through his eyes. I feel his lingering pain, and sometimes it makes me want to tear my own chest out,” he says, voice wobbling. “But to ask you to do that...to give you up for something I have no right to feel upset about...it’s something I won’t do. Ever. Not when you saved me.”

You rest your hand on his back as you return the hug, a choked sob escaping you. “Satan, I-”

“You saved me.” He whispers fervently. “Do you understand? That means everything.”

You claw the back of his shirt, your breath hitching as you succumb to your tears. You both end up falling to the floor, hugging each other like your lives depend on it.

He doesn’t need divinity he’s never had. No, not when he has you.

Asmodeus

“Oh, love...you...”

He could go back? He could go back and get his little sister back?

But if he did, then you’d-...you’d...

“I know how much you miss being the Jewel of the Heavens.” You say, sitting next to him. It’s supposed to be a quiet night, one where you both relax and take care of each other, but then this opportunity appeared and-

He...didn’t know what to do.

- No, that was a lie. He knew exactly what to do. There was only ever one option for him.

“I’m hurt.”

You look over at him, surprised. His voice is small and he’s pouting, but there’s a tremble in his bottom lip as his eyes shine with unshed tears.

“I’m hurt, you know!” He repeats, and by now you’re pretty sure your mouth hangs open. “I’m hurt that you’d think so low of me!”

You scramble to explain. “Asmo, that’s not-”

“But it is!” He cries, interrupting you. “It’s exactly that! Did you think I would actually take that chance?!”

Your eyes soften. You go to place a hand on his shoulder, only to still when he slaps it away. “...Asmo.”

He throws himself at you, wrapping his arms around your neck as he clings to you. You don’t have the heart to throw him off, wrapping your own arms around him.

“We’ve come all this way because of you.” He murmurs against you. “And you’re the only one who loves me for me. Although, my looks are definitely a strong point-”

You chuckle weakly, feeling your own tears start to fall. He smiles once he hears you, happy to know that he lifted your mood even if it was just by a little.

“-if I gave you up, these past years would have been for nothing. So, no; I won’t do it. Besides, have you seen the following I have down here? I’m on my way to becoming the Jewel of Devildom!”

You move one hand to rest on his head, a warm smile spreading across your face. You don’t notice how he looks at your expression with awe and adoration, giving his head a few pats.

“I know you can do it.”

Well. With you by his side, he can do anything.

Beelzebub

This isn’t happening. This- This can’t be happening.

Not again...not again...!

He grasps his chest and stumbles back from you, and he hears the way you call his name with worry in your voice. You sound far away, he thinks to himself. Are you already dead? Where is he? Did he fail again? Is this the Celestial War? Maybe that’s why he smells iron, hears screaming, hears himself screaming. It’ll explain the pain at least, and he would chuckle if he wasn’t too busy gasping for air.

Ah, his heart feels like it’s on fire it hurts so bad. Is it tearing itself in two? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to do...he doesn’t know who to choose-

It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts...!

“Beel, can you hear me? Take deep breaths. Okay? Please, breathe!”

- Huh?

He feels something on his face. What is that?

Oh, this warmth...It’s almost like-

Your name falls from his lips. You sigh in relief, sitting back.

“I’m glad you’re okay. How do you feel?”

How do you feel? You just said it was okay if he chose his angel status and Lilith over you, and you’re asking him how do you feel?

He lowers his hands, frowning at you. “...Why did you ask me?”

His voice is small. Fragile. Your heart breaks at the sound of it, tears building as you see his form shake.

“Why did you ask me, when the last time I did something I murdered my sister?”

You pat his arm, reaching a hand over to give him a side hug. “Remember what Lucifer said. She wasn’t murdered; she lived happily as a human, right up until she died of old age.”

All the more reason not to do it.

He sinks into your hold. You shoulder his weight with no complaints. “I can’t do it. You’re family; I-” he swallows past the lump in his throat, tears streaming down his face. “...I love you too much.”

Because he could care less about his angel status. Because Lilith already lived her life of peace. It still hurts, but you were the one to hold his hand when he had nightmares. You were the one who saw past his intimidating form and hung out with him.

You are important, and Beelzebub will take on the Celestial Realm himself if anything happened to you.

Belphegor

...He’s quiet.

Well, it’s to be expected. He hates humanity, and it’s his younger sister we’re talking about here, not to mention how close they were.

“So?” You ask as you lean back, the wall of the planetarium supporting your weight. “I don’t mind if you choose her and your status. It’s-”

“I could give a rat’s ass about my status as an angel.” He snaps. “Just shut up for a second and listen.”

You shut your mouth. What were you gonna say to that? An angry Belphie is not a Belphie to speak lightly with.

You jolt a bit as you feel hands lightly smack against your cheeks, smooshing your face. He tugs your head so that you’re staring at him, and it’s then that you notice how his eyes waver.

“I killed you,” he says, his brows furrowing, “I killed you. And yet you’d let me choose?”

You snort, raising a hand to cover his own. “Yep. Your move, Sleeping Beauty.”

He doesn’t understand. Why would you give him that power? He had robbed you from your family when he took your life. He temporarily washed out your future.

Did you really trust him that much...?

“It tore Beel and I apart when we learned she was dead. I-...I blamed myself.” He starts, and you don’t have the heart to stop him. Not when you already made peace with your end. “I started eating less, sleeping more. I despised Lucifer, and I despised all of humanity for taking my little sister away from me.”

You remained quiet. He lets out a frustrated huff, shaking you a bit.

“And then you came. You freed me from that place, you mended what was broken, and you-...you forgave me. And I will never betray that trust; not now, and not in the future.”

He bumps his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. You close yours as well, feeling the tears drip from your face and onto the floor. He’s...choosing you? Over everything he’s ever wanted?

What did you do to deserve someone like him in your life?

“So don’t you forget it, you idiot.”

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically) 

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

--

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone. 

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it. 

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness. 

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.” 

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?” 

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them. 

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look. 

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features. 

“It might rain tonight.” 

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction. 

“You distracted me on purpose.” 

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing. 

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.” 

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth. 

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.” 

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.” 

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?” 

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?” 

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.” 

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.” 

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.” 

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door. 

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force. 

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.” 

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--” 

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.” 

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse. 

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.” 

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion. 

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.” 

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz. 

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.” 

He turns his head slightly. “You should.” 

“Too bad.” 

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.” 

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.” 

“A look?” 

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.” 

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.” 

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?” 

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.” 

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.” 

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.” 

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.” 

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came. 

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.” 

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off. 

“Like what?” 

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.” 

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?” 

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.” 

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.” 

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--” 

“Your upbringing makes sense--” 

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--” 

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.” 

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.” 

And then I keep reading. 

--

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag 

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 29: Into the Empty Storm

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

You have more questions than answers and are starting to think that maybe there aren't any answers. When you wake up, Chen provides you with some but maybe they aren't what you wanted to hear. You have a crisis of faith- but pick yourself back up. Change is coming.

A/N: Change IS coming, on like... Saturday. That's when the choice is! I'm letting you know now that the choice is a weird mundane choice that will change the story! Also, it's almost my birthday, and all I want is more free time to write y/n and these boys LOL. Hope you are all well. Smooches. (title is from a song called believe in nothing, i steal many titles from song lyrics)

Part 28 Part 30 Chapter Index

Your eyes fluttered open.

Your head was splitting but the stone ceiling was at least familiar.

What happened?

Everything was fuzzy. You tried sit up, but your body was too heavy and your arms too weak. Your fingers were tingling and numb, your muscles sore as if they had gone unused for weeks.

“Oh! You’re awake!” Chen’s voice came from your right, but this was not the infirmary. Your stomach was in knots and your shoulder was stiff. You sat up to greet your friend anyway, but your body objected with pain. “Whoa, whoa, hey slow down!” Chen carefully helped you lay back and then propped your head up a bit higher when you tried to sit up again. You were in your room. You hadn’t recognized it immediately.

You were confused.

“Why?” You choked out and then cleared your throat. Your mouth tasted like you hadn’t talked in just as long as your body hadn’t been used. Chen looked nervous and weary, like she hadn’t slept in just as long. “Why do I feel like this?”

“What exactly do you remember?” Chen hesitated. You closed your eyes and tried to remember how you’d gotten there.

That was right. It had been chaos.

“Everything went to hell when I touched the artifacts and…” You knitted your brow and tried to remember. “Oh, god, then Raiden tried to read me and that’s… that’s all I remember.” Your shoulder ached at the memory. There had been nothing else after that. Only pain.

“That was… Y/N, that was three days ago.” Chen braced herself for your panicked response. You stayed silent. Three days? How was that possible? It had felt like both a blink and an eternity of pain and darkness.

“What?” Your stomach dropped and it occurred to you now that there was an IV in your arm. Chen had likely been there the whole time keeping an eye on your vitals and making notes. There was a bedroll on the ground nearby as if to validate your thoughts. Why there? Why weren’t you in the infirmary? You already knew the answer.

You were too dangerous.

Three days was too long to be unconscious.

Your hands were still tingling. That was right. Raiden had shocked you because you had nearly killed Liu Kang and Kung Lao.

“Is Liu okay? Kung Lao?” Whatever had happened to you was less important.

“One thing at a time, Y/N.” Chen tried to urge you to lay back as you tried to sit up, but you shoved her hand away. “Please lay down. You need to take it easy, okay? You had… a little just… don’t panic when I say it, okay?”

“Tell me and then I’ll decide if it warrants panic or not.”

“I don’t want to make you any worse.”

“You not telling me is making it worse.”

“Just try to remember that it’s more complicated than what I’m about to say.”

“Would you just say it already?”

“You had a heart thing.”

You froze. Your ears were suddenly ringing. A heart thing? What kind of heart thing? What did that mean? You let Chen help you lay back down so you could focus on taking calm and deep breaths. Chen was checking your pulse on your wrist and watching you with concerned dark eyes.

A heart thing.

You were young! Healthy! Or at least you had been before those assholes had broken into your dojo and turned your life upside down. This wasn’t fair.

You hadn’t realized you had been holding your breath until Chen was shaking your arm to remind you to breathe. You exhaled and your lungs ached in response. They’d been deprived of too much oxygen too many times now. You finally turned back to Chen whose brow was set in a permanent line of concern.

“Are you okay?”

“You said it was more complicated. How?”

“It wasn’t a heart attack. It was a cardiac incident. You don’t… there are no blockages or anything causing it, but…”

“Isn’t it still the same thing? Heart fails?” You didn’t know much about medicine but you’d seen enough bad Korean dramas to know that the two things were similar.

“It’s different, okay? Your heart is strong, Y/N. You’ll recover. It’s just going to take a bit.”

“I am so fucking tired of my fucking body just… fucking betraying me. Fuck. Just… fuck.” You wanted to rub your hand over your face but you felt so weak that you could have screamed in frustration if you had the energy. Instead, you continued to swear beneath your breath. Chen covered her mouth and laughed, her cheeks pink. Really? That made her blush? She could make dick jokes all day long but swear words made her blush? “I can’t seem to catch a fucking break.”

“It’ll be okay, Y/N. I promise.” Chen had a rare moment of seriousness and offered your hand a comforting squeeze.

“I know.” You heaved a sigh and closed your eyes, taking a few deep cleansing breaths. “I know.” You finally calmed and were able to lift your hand enough to rub over the gauze on your shoulder. It was aching. “I just had to get it out of my system.”

“I get it.” Chen pulled your hand away from the gauze. “Careful with that, please. I’m still trying to get that thing under control and understand what it is.”

“It’s the crack from that godforsaken bell Kung Lao and I found in Japan.” You said in a mocking tone that made Chen laugh again. You should have left the damn things where they were. Things had only escalated far beyond your control since you’d gotten back. You’d felt like you’d made progress before then. “Can you help me sit up?”

“I heard that part of the story. We’re trying to figure out what kind of a connection could cause that. Raiden’s still going with curse. Going with god-curse now actually.”

“Oh. Great.” You let Chen help you sit up and then scooted back against the pillows that Chen adjusted for you. You leaned your head back against the cold stone of the wall behind the bed and breathed a sigh of relief. It had taken tremendous effort to sit upright but you felt better now that you had. If you hadn’t used your body in three days, it would take some getting used to your muscles being used again. Thankfully, it hadn’t been any longer.

“Yeah, I imagine that can’t mean anything good. He didn’t tell me much more, just that it was important to tend to it and report any changes. I don’t think I was supposed to hear everything that I did.” Chen tended to the mess of medical supplies that she had set on the floor by your desk.

“You’re good at that.”

“Sometimes being a gossip comes in handy, Y/N.”

“You didn’t answer me before. Are Liu and Lao alright?”

“Lao’s fine. Not even a scrape. He’s proud of that.” Chen smiled sympathetically. “Liu needed a few stitches but he’ll heal up in no time. He’s resilient. Doesn’t ever complain. It’s sweet how worried you are for them.” You weren’t sure that you would ever forget the way that his blood had felt splattering on your skin. You’d been the one to hurt him. He’d been trying to save you from yourself and it had backfired. He’d tell you not to feel guilty but you felt guilty, dammit. There was no way around it. They had been so angry with Raiden for pushing you but you had volunteered to do what you did. It was important even if it had been the wrong choice. You hoped they weren’t losing their minds over you being out for so long. If you had been waiting on one of them to wake up then you would have been going completely crazy.

You wanted them to be okay.

“Thank you.” You were grateful that Chen was there to reassure you and take care of your health. You guessed that Chen had probably volunteered since you were considered dangerous.

“Happy to help, Y/N.” Chen smiled sympathetically. “I’m so relieved to see you awake, I can’t begin to tell you how much. And not just because Kung Lao has been here about a hundred times. He keeps asking to come in. How you’re doing. If he could take over for me for a while. I told him that I’d let him know when you were awake and he doesn’t listen.” Chen clicked her tongue in amusement. You rolled your eyes so hard that Chen snorted. Sweet but typical of him. “Liu came by exactly once and I told him the same thing. He took my word for it. So, par for the course with those two.”

“Sounds about right.” You leaned your head back against the wall again and closed your eyes. God, this was a mess. A cardiac thing? God-curse? There was a mark on your body that mimicked the crack in a cursed object. You’d been nearly choked to death by some gross pale demon-man and you’d maimed Liu Kang. Again.

Where was the line?

Would there ever be an end to this?

Guilt.

You were so tired of guilt.

And pain.

You would gladly take the pain for the rest of your life if it meant keeping the people that you cared about safe from whatever this was. You held your head in your hands and massaged your temples.

“Don’t get in a funk about this, Y/N. You’re going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah.” You didn’t argue with Chen, but you wondered if this ended in your inevitable death. It didn’t feel like things were getting better. They had escalated violently in the last few days. No matter what control you’d had over your arcana, when you lost control? You lost it to a point where it was dangerous to be around you. Was it fair for you to still be there?

You were putting them all in danger.

Was it fair to consider Liu Kang or Kung Lao’s advances when you were such a danger to them? When it suddenly felt unlikely that you would survive this?

It felt particularly cruel to connect with Kung Lao again after years of having thought he was dead. To have him back only for things to wind up like this. And for Liu Kang, a man you had an insane draw to, unlike any you had ever felt. You’d hurt him now so many times. You knew he was strong but how long until you accidentally hurt him beyond repair? Chen took some vials of blood and you felt almost instantly nauseated at the sight of it. You fanned your face and were grateful to find that your body was adjusting to being used again. Chen helped you stretch and stand and get used to your body again before helping you back down and removing the IV.

“Do you know what will make you feel better?”

“Sleep?”

“I mean, yes, but also… getting you crazy drunk and then having one of those boys come over here to take care of you.” Chen made air quotes and you whined in response. You’d almost forgotten that Chen’s brain lived only in the gutter. “You just have to pick your poison. Kung Lao or Liu Kang.”

“I know that you’re joking but I still feel compelled to tell you that’s a bad idea right now.” If you drank right now, then you would wind up a sobbing disaster of a human being wallowing in self-pity. You didn’t need that right now and neither did either of them.

No matter how you tried to push it away, you couldn’t get it out of your head that this was how you died.

It felt very unfair.

“I need to see you smile, Y/N.” Chen’s voice was dripping with concern. She clasped her hand over yours. “Please?”

“I can’t pretend to do that right now, Chen. I’m still processing that three days have gone by. I’m still processing what happened in there and what any of it could mean. This was supposed to give me answers and all I have are more questions and every fuck up is more violent than the last.”

“We’ll get your answers, Y/N. It’ll be okay. Raiden is going to find a way.”

“Yeah.” You didn’t necessarily agree. Raiden was a God. You were sure that if he knew your existence was putting them all in danger then he would do what was necessary to stop that from happening. Not that you thought that he wanted that for you. He would try to help but there was only so much anyone could do. You assumed he saw a picture bigger than just your life.

“Y/N…” Chen looked to you seriously. “I don’t like this.”

“Wow, really? Because I am having a great time.”

“What an unhealthy coping mechanism.”

“Don’t judge me. It’s working.”

“Is it though?” Chen smiled sadly. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I need to get out of bed and get used to my body again.”

“You should rest a bit longer.”

“I’ve been doing nothing but resting for three days, Chen.” You wanted to do something, anything to feel in control of your body. Chen studied you nervously but then offered you a nod. Together you worked your body just enough to help you get used to being awake and moving around. There was so little that you could control that it felt good to have something small. Chen was willing to help you even if she had tried to get you to slow down. You refused and pushed through it. You knew your limits.

You wanted to feel like yourself and break the fog hanging over you.

After some time, Chen forced you to stop and you rested your hand over your sore shoulder. You could feel your heart beating beneath it. Everything hurt but it only made you want to fight harder to get past whatever this was. You wouldn’t let it win. You wouldn’t let that thing win. It had frightened you for a few minutes and, truthfully, it still scared the hell out of you, but the fear no longer crippled you. You were determined to beat it.

You were not going to die because of this.

“What’s this?” Chen pointed to the wilting flower on the desk next to your journal. You thought that you were much like that flower now. An unfortunate parallel, you thought. Chen was cleaning up some of her medical things and putting them into a small bag after rolling up her bed.

“Just a sweet trinket.” You smiled fondly at the flower. It was pretty, even wilting.

“Liu Kang? Seems like something he would do. Finding beauty in things that are even temporary or some nonsense.”

“It does sound like him but it was actually Kung Lao.”

“Is that so?” Chen pulled out the desk chair and sat. “Can’t say that I can picture him giving anyone a flower. And no offense, but I don’t picture you as much of a flower getting kind of girl, either.”

“And exactly what kind of girl do you think I am, then?” You laughed in surprise. Chen perked up when she heard you laugh.

“You seem more like a grand-gesture kind of girl. Not really a material things girl.”

“Nice save, Chen.”

“We’re off topic. The flower. Focus, Y/N.”

“Oh, right.” You picked up the flower, twisting the stem carefully between your thumb and forefinger. It was still hanging on. There was some life left in it. Not much though. “It’s just something from when we were kids. It was the last time I’d seen him. He gave it to me before we said goodbye and then… he died. Well, at least I thought he had died. Still wrapping my brain around that one.” You set the delicate thing on the desk again.

“Yeah, that’s a big thing.”

“Off topic again though. When he returned from his errand for Raiden, he had found me another. I need to press it between the pages of the journal or something.”

“…you are talking about Kung Lao, right?” Chen seemed skeptical.

“Yes.”

“That’s ridiculously sweet. I’m having a hard time associating it with him.” Chen looked to the flower suspiciously as if she thought you were making up stories to tease her.

“Well, presumably the original flower was burned up in the fire so… it was nice of him to get me another. Not that he would have known I kept it. I guess it had been as important to him as it was to me.”

“You still had the original one?”

“Yeah. I had pressed it between the pages of my favorite book and got special paper to protect it. I hadn’t opened it in years but I assume it’s been burned to a crisp.” You felt the weight of your truth settling on your shoulders. Your life was gone. This wasn’t some crazy vivid dream that you’d eventually recover from. That life was over. There were moments where you missed the monotony but you were also grateful that it had happened to you and not to someone else. You had never fit in back home. Everyone else had belonged there. This was a better place for you.

“And you’re sure that this was Kung Lao, right?”

“I’m positive.” You laughed. Kung Lao definitely didn’t come off as sweet to most people, you realized. It was kind of adorable that it was just for you.

“You were really hung up on him, huh?”

“That’s a different life now, Chen. I thought he was dead. I cherished the little time we had.” Your ran your fingers through your messy hair. It was getting too long.

“Have you thought about going back? To see what happened?”

“I have,” you answered honestly. “But it’s a bad idea, I think. I killed people that night, Chen. And then there was the fire. They probably think that I’m dead. It’s not wrong to assume that either. Part of me died that day. I’m different. I can’t go back to being that woman and I can’t risk being seen.” You had put distance between the woman you had been and the woman you had become. You’d had to. It had been the only way to cope. “I’ve been nervous to talk about it. I can’t explain why.”

“You should probably ask Kung Lao to explain what happened.”

“Yeah, he just loves having a serious conversation. But you’re right. I’m ready to find out, I think.” Of all the crazy things that had happened in your life that one didn’t seem so crazy anymore. After what had happened in Raiden’s chamber, after maiming Liu, after having a heart thing, you could handle what had happened in your hometown.

“I didn’t quite understand the hang up that you had with Kung Lao. He’s such a… difficult man to get along with when you do what I do. But I suppose that I can see it now, knowing a bit more about the history between you two.” Chen admired the flower. “That’s a deep connection. He’s sweet to you… which I find difficult to believe so you must be special to him. Where with Liu…”

“Chen…” You turned your gaze. “Can we not talk about this right now? I know that you’re trying to make me laugh but I’m… I’m scared and my brain is having a hard time with all of this. Tomorrow, I promise, that all bets are off. You can tease me as much as you want but for right now, I need a break.”

“I get it.” Chen smiled and then got up, sat next to you on the bed, and wrapped her arms around you in a comforting hug. “I really do, Y/N.” She held you for a moment before you finally returned the hug. It felt strange to be hugged but nice. No romantic conflict involved. No stress about what it might mean. Just a hug. Comfort. You sniffled, not realizing that your eyes were misty with tears until then.

After Chen pulled back, you wiped your eyes and cleared your throat.

“This is only because you’re in such a state, Y/N. Trust me. Tomorrow? I’m back to pestering you.” Chen scolded and you smiled. “Besides, I wanted to bring up something more serious before I left anyway.”

“Oh, good. Serious with you never ends well for me.”

“It’s not anything medical. I gave you all the news there was to give for that. But with… everything that’s happened? People are starting to talk about it. I mean, they already were to an extent but more about how… scary it is.” Chen avoided your eyes and you felt a familiar and unpleasant frustration in the pit of your stomach. Gossip. “I just wanted to brace you for it. You might get some looks while you’re out and about. Raiden wouldn’t let me keep you in the infirmary just in case something happened. I’ve never seen him so worried, Y/N. It scared us a little.”

You figured Raiden was worried that you’d hurt someone and there was the confirmation. You had hurt someone. You’d hurt Liu. Three times now. You nodded in understanding. People usually feared what they didn’t understand. You were afraid of it too but you couldn’t exactly hide from what was happening. “I can’t blame him for being concerned. I hurt Liu.”

“Oh, no, Y/N.” Chen seemed surprised by your assumption. “He was worried for you, Y/N. I’m sure that our safety was part of his concern but he thought that a familiar and comforting space might help you. I think he’s worried that the heart thing was his fault.” Chen wiggled her fingers and made a sound to imitate the crack of lightning. You hadn’t considered that. You also hadn’t taken Raiden for the sentimental type. He’d come across as a fatherly man, you supposed, but your father hadn’t been sentimental so your idea of that was skewed. “I just wanted to warn you about the gossip and reassure you that it comes from a place of concern. We really like you, Y/N. You make time for us when many wouldn’t. They’re scared for you but also for themselves.”

“I get that.” You weren’t sure what to say about it. This was all too familiar. You felt so guilty that you weren’t sure how you were going to overcome it. The gossip wouldn’t help, you were sure. Your shoulder ached at the memory. It wasn’t as bad as it had been initially. Chen had briefly showed it to you while changing your bandages. It was literally a crack. “Thanks for the heads up, Chen. You’re always looking out for me.”

“I’m happy to.” Chen sounded nervous and you felt the woman’s gaze flitter from you to the door. “I’m afraid to leave you alone like this. I don’t… I feel like you’re not okay, Y/N.”

“I’m okay, Chen. I promise.” You reassured her. You knew you sounded morose. “I know I don’t sound it, but I’m okay. I’m so grateful that you were here when I woke up. You’re wonderful, even if I give you a hard time about teasing me.”

Chen smiled and offered you another quick hug. “It’s going to be okay, Y/N. You’re going to be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“We will. I’m going to be fine.” You did your best to sound sincere. You knew that you tended to come off as sarcastic and while you weren’t feeling your best right now, you had to believe that you would be okay. Belief was an incredibly powerful thing, more so than you had ever realized before coming to Raiden’s Temple. “You can go. I promise that I’m okay.”

“I’m trusting you, Y/N. Try and take it slow today. I’ll be in and out to check in on you. I expect you to rest for a few days before going back to the crazy nonsense you’ve been up to.”

“I’ll do my best but I’m not good at sitting and doing nothing. I’m probably going to stretch a bit more before I rest for the night. Maybe take a walk. I promise that I won’t overdo it.” You bowed your head in respectful gratitude. Chen gave you one more hug before leaving you alone. After she left, you meditated and exercised. You needed to be okay.

You would keep fighting until you had nothing left.

[snekdood]

@mozart-ella-sticks​

hi i dont really care if you’re hindu lmao, i’ve been becoming hindu for years now and i’ve been learning all about it so you can’t just subdue me by saying that you’re hindu therefore i have nothing to contribute, like idc im not gonna stop saying my shit

and because i’m willing to be in good faith about this question and am willing to learn more, if you’re a hindu and hinduism is patriarchal... why are you a hindu? also, aside from male gods typically being seen as “the seed of life” essentially, what is so patriarchal about it, esp if you have a god like ardharanishvara that seems to me to embody equality, sameness and lack of division, or mahadevi, whom as you know, is considered the creator god in shaktism? because from what i’ve seen it seems there’s!!! so many thouuusands of beliefs in hinduism, so many different philosophies and so many different beliefs on who the great creator god is, so i’m not sure how you can label it as a whole as patriarchal, nor why you would continue to be hindu if you do believe that. I don’t doubt that there are hindu’s who do believe fucked up bs about women, i think i've read enough to know that, unfortunately a lot of religions get taken over and used for shitty purposes, but i’d also argue, based on what i’ve read, that shit wasn’t As bad until india got colonized, considering ppl could be gay, trans (fight me, i’ll die on this hill), and have orgies and polyamorous relationships n shit before then. since i grew up christian, i notice plenty of the christian values laced in hinduism, things i've fought against for years only to find gods i worship having conflicting narratives on what activities they get up to and what they think is right or wrong, and while i know theres many different retellings and narratives, i can't help but get a knot in my stomach when i feel the vibes of christianity. and if everything i've learned isn't enough, something inside tells me that's not how things have always been.

anyhoo, in regards to "indian radfems"-- i don’t believe you, that's not my point and also doesn't prove my point wrong necessarily if it were true? you're gonna hafta show me how being a radfem, or something adjacent, was in india before it was colonized tbqh lmao. i believe radfems run on an under layer of subtle christianity i've been calling "social christianity" which essentially means they hold a lot of the same conservative beliefs without the religious belief in god (sometimes..), weird restrictive beliefs surrounding having sex, weird divisive beliefs and desires vs men and women, and of course beliefs about gender and how any deviation or expression or identification aside from man and woman and the gender you were assigned at birth is bad for some reason, even though before it was fine in your religion!! but y’know, you don’t care about that ig, you’re a hindu who wants to uphold christian ideals that have destroyed and infected your religion, is how i feel. if women in india are mostly radfems, i feel bad that they’ve fallen for this trap. but I don’t really believe you.

also stfu about hijras before i rip you a new one. clearly you don’t know shit, you don’t interact with these people, hell, you’re probably the type of person to ask them to bless your home or some shit but then never give af about them or their wellbieng or anything. fuck off. you’re not the authority on this topic at all lmao, if you think being hindu is enough that’s funny. you’re funny. lmk about all the hijras you know and how much they love being called men, and it better be a list of at least 8 people. hijras are not all considered trans, but there are trans hijras and they in fact face worse discrimination, in many ways, in the hands of india, bc of ppl who only give a fuck about them bc of blessings or whatever, than other trans people do here in america.... but go auf kween

your proximity doesn’t mean shit if you don’t know shit. and no, i don’t think i will, i think i’ll die liberated and free, my good bitch 💖

[majolishious]

Ummmm~Hello! I love your blog and I love your writing hehehe 😍 I want to ask for HCs for the brothers if you may? Um, with an MC who has appendicitis during her stay at Devildom and has to go back to the human world to undergo a laparoscopy surgery (it's a much faster surgery using improved equipment rather than normal ones)? Then the brothers go visit her in the Hospital and she's feeling after surgery pain so much so they comfort her? Thank you and sorry if it's too specific for you 😣

Hilarious story, but uh, my appendix actually burst, and I had no idea, even my doctor was like, “No ur fine lol, take some pain killers,” and then 5 days later I was in surgery and later the ICU. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this, I put it under the cut due to the length of the post.

It’s obvious to the brothers that you’re experiencing pain, not that clutching your stomach wasn’t a dead giveaway. They assume that perhaps you just ate something, the food in the Devildom might be too rich, or too heavy for a human handle, but the other symptoms you’re experiencing; even after Beel gives you some stomach medicine warrants a visit from one of Diavolo’s royal physicians. Once they finish the exam, and draws the conclusion, the doctor informs the brothers to get you immediate medical attention at a human hospital, as the hospitals in the Devildom simply aren’t equipped to deal with such medical issues.

The doctor suggests that one of the brothers accompanies you, while trying to reassure them that this is a relatively common condition in humans, and is rarely fatal if caught in time - which does no good as the brothers now realize they’re on a time limit. The doctor proposes the idea that you should choose the brother that takes you, and quickly leaves the house before more chaos ensues.

【Lucifer】

It was natural you would pick him. He’s the only brother that seems even remotely calm, though on the inside he’s deeply worried. Lucifer wastes no time on creating a portal to the human world, and making sure you get to the hospital in the shortest amount of time - while he takes notice of your worsening pain and discomfort. It was rather fortunate that your case was treated as a priority, but that didn’t ease his concerns - and holding onto your hand became more of a way to calm himself down rather than you, not that his pride would ever allow him to admit he was worried.

Lucifer makes a promise to you that he’ll be there when you wake up, and the time spent waiting for the surgery to be done was almost agonizing for him. As soon as you’re brought out and he’s able to see you again, Lucifer rushes to your side, as a wave of relief washes over him. He sits quietly as you rest, but is even happier when you do wake up, though the pain hits you, and is almost unbearable. The first born of the brothers does his best to comfort you by carefully wrapping his arm around you, showering you with words of praise while he gently holds you until a nurse is able to give you some relief from the pain.

Lucifer would rather stay in the hospital with you, but knowing that the whole house is likely to be in chaos - and there are some things he has to do, Lucifer bids you goodnight, giving you a soft kiss on the head, and telling you to rest and get better soon, promising he will be back to visit tomorrow. When Lucifer returns the following day, he’s happy to see you looking so much better, even if you’re still in some pain. He spends the day with you, doing what he can to ease any pain and make you more comfortable, but he’d rather have you back at the house of Lamentation as soon as possible, since he doesn’t have to worry about the tedious visiting times in his own home.

【Mammon】

Not the wisest choice you could have made, but given the situation, everyone assumes that it’s because Lucifer assigned him as your protector while in the Devildom. Regardless of the reason, there’s really no time to dwell on it, as getting you to hospital was the top priority, and even if the hero wasn’t ready, the portal was, and Mammon had no choice but to take the leap with you. Mammon is just worried you’re going to die, even after you reassure him that you won’t, he’s not convinced, and squeezes onto your hand that’s interlaced with his own, fearing he won’t get to feel it for much longer.

Mammon cries when you’re taken for surgery, and can do nothing but nervously pace around the waiting room - despite it being nothing more than a small box room with three chairs and a small table with some books. He eventually resorts to quietly watching the time tick by, but as soon as you’re out of surgery, he is right at your side like the faithful demon he is, watching as your chest slowly rises and falls as you sleep. He can’t help but think that this is the first time in days he’s seen you look comfortable and not in pain; a fleeting thought as when you awoke, you could only weakly smile at Mammon before the pain came for you with a vengeance.

Mammon does everything to shoo the pain away from you, though he can’t do much but allow you to cuddle into him until you’re given relief for it. He tries to convince the doctors to let you go home as soon possible, telling them the great Mammon can care for you. It’s not very convincing, and they decide to keep you in their care, forcing Mammon to reluctantly return to the house of Lamentation without you. Fear not, he returns the next day as soon as he is able to, despite the fact he looks exhausted and has clearly been crying all night, though he denies it hard when you ask him what’s up.

【Leviathan】

To say he was shocked you picked him would be an understatement, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it much before you were both hurried to the human world. It hadn’t really sunk in how dire of a situation you were in, but he didn’t like seeing you in pain, and tried to awkwardly soothe by rubbing small circles on your back as your continued to writhe in pain. Levi’s eyes scanned the waiting room, until eventually falling back onto you as the doctor called out your name. He tried, really hard to be comforting while the doctors reaffirmed what you already knew, and only then it hit him that this was serious, “You’re gonna die?!”, he exclaimed, catching you, and the poor doctor off guard.

Levi ends up sitting quietly at your bedside squeezing your hand, trying to distract you by talking about an anime he was excited for this season - though it was more of a distraction for himself. It actually worked, until you were taken to surgery and the reality hit him once more. The envious demon had nothing to amuse himself with while waiting, and anyone that came close to him only tightened the knot in his stomach. He wanted so desperately to know what was going, to know if you were okay, and when the doctor finally came out and told him it was fine, he nearly collapsed on the spot. Levi only listened to half of what the doctor was saying, he zoned out once he heard you were fine, but still had to see for himself.

Entering your hospital room was a strange experienced for him, but he was just to see you were okay, at least until you woke up in pure agony, unable to do anything but whimper and calls out for Levi, who rushed to your side as quick as he could. Anime always makes the process look so much easier, with the protagonist waking up and being fine, but here you were, waking up and not fine. All he could do was hold your hand and attempt to shush and calm you down - his awkwardness making it a difficult task. When it came time to turn in for the night, Levi really didn’t want to leave you alone, and swore he’d be back the next day with video games to help distract you from the pain.

【Satan】

Once you make your choice, Satan won’t hesitate and has you both through the portal to the human world in record time. Despite appearing calm, he’s incredibly worried, and every whimper that escapes your lips only adds to his concern. He does his best to take your focus away from what the doctors are doing, but often can’t help but quiz them on what they’re doing, or what certain things mean, but as you lightly squeeze Satan’s hand, his focus snaps back to you, as he shoots an apologetic look your way, and masked sure to focus his attention on the one that needs him the most.

Once you’re taken to surgery, he has no idea what to do, and can only impatiently wait in the waiting room. The books did little to amuse him, or take his mind off of you - he just wanted to know that you were okay. The time seemed to pass by slowly, and when someone finally came to release him from his own confinement, he was scared, worried they were about deliver bad news. Satan was relieved when the news was good, and as soon as he could, he was right at your bedside, a relaxed smile spread across his face.

When you eventually woke up, and began to deal with more pain, Satan’s smile quickly faded, and he moved to sit beside you on the bed, bringing your head to his chest while he softly peppered your head with loving kisses, with it being all he had to offer you as a pain reliever. Satan was unwilling to leave your side, and even refused to at first, even after you promised him it would be fine, he wasn’t convinced. He knew you needed rest however, and returned home, only to return the next day with a pile of books he planned to read to you while you were recovering.

【Asmodeus】

Picking him wasn’t the best choice, as he immediately tired to run to his room in order to pack, though he was reminded of the fact you were both in a race against time by his brothers, as they pushed him through the portal with you. Asmo was going to complain about the less than soft landing, but your pained expression stopped him, “Oh love,” he murmured, doing his best to help you through the pain. He really wasn’t a fan of the hospital, fearing that just being there would make him sick, and ruin his flawless skin, though he hardly had time to be dramatic with you holding onto his hand, silently pleading with him for comfort.

Asmo does his best, softly running the slender fingers of his free hand through your hair, while the other reminded entwined with your own. He couldn’t bear to let go of you when you were taken for surgery, and the loneliness he felt in the waiting room was agonizing - flirting with the doctors and nurses that passed by did little good, as they were too busy to pay much mind to the avatar of lust. Asmo has no choice but to admit defeat, sitting back in the less than comfortable chair he began to hum to himself while waiting. He nearly squealed when the nurse came to give him an update on your condition, granting him the permission to go and see you.

Asmo was expecting you to be fine, and able to return home immediately, so he got the shock of his life when he saw that that wasn’t the case. He didn’t know what to do at first while you slept, and resorted to lightly grazing your cheek with his hand, only excitedly taking them away when you stirred and woke up. Before he could speak, you winced when as the pain hit you, and despite trying to hide it, Asmo knew, and was able to get someone to help almost immediately. He was also able to charm his way into staying longer than was allowed, but he only stayed until you fell asleep, but rest assured, he came back the next day with fruit, cakes, and some self-care items to aid in recovery.

【Beelzebub】

There was no hesitation when you picked him, as Beel scooped you up into his arms and carried you through the portal. Despite it being unnecessary, he carried you through the hospital too, and held you tight while the doctors looked you over, until he eventually had to place you onto a bed. Beel settled for keeping your hand in his own, while showering your forehead with tender kisses to calm you down when needed. He did his best to put his own worries aside, but once you were taken for surgery, it was all he could think about while he waited for any news, or simply for you to come out so he could see you again for himself.

While waiting, he ended up raiding the vending machine, and subsequently devouring all the snacks while passing nurses gave him worrying looks. Beel looked like a sad puppy while sitting in the waiting room. He had been worried when you first took ill, even more so when his stomach medicine didn’t work. The more he thought about it, the more worried he got. While deep in thought, a nurse finally came to give him some relief, to confirm that you were okay, and finally let him see you.

Beel darted to your bedside, taking hold of your hand as he settled himself beside you. Though you didn’t hear most of what he said, Beel was talking to you while you slept, only stopping when you finally woke up and locked eyes with him. His face lit up, but seeing you wince from the pain with a sharp intake of breath took the smile away, and filled him with concern. Beel did his best to comfort you, softly rubbing his thumb over your hand, while whispering sweet nothings to you. He outright refused to leave at first, and only did so because he got hungry and had no choice, though he came back the next day with plenty of food so he could stay for longer.

【Belphegor】

He was pretty surprised when you chose him, but it wasn’t like he had time to complain before being shoved into the portal with you. He really wasn’t happy to be in the human world, and was only willing to put up with it since it was for you - though he did feel guilty when he saw how pained you were, and letting out a sigh, he decided to his best, for your sake. He did his best to comfort you for as long as he was able to; holding on tightly to your hand and allowing you the comfort of his pillow. The demon couldn’t do much more for you, as you were soon taken out of his reach and into surgery, leaving him alone in the waiting room with bated breath.

Belphie couldn’t do much while waiting, other than curl up onto a chair and take a short nap - since the doctors had to give him back his pillow for the meantime. He hugged it close to his chest, nuzzling into it, trying hard to pretend he was cuddling with you - it didn’t work, but he was able to fall asleep, even if only for a short time. The nurse that woke him nearly got an earful, though the sharp glare he gave them said more than enough. The nurse nervously informed Belphie of your condition, giving him the okay to see you, turning his original sour expression into a more relieved one before he hurried to your bedside.

It was a surreal experience for him, seeing you so vulnerable and weak. It gave him bad memories of what he did before, and part of felt as though he had no right to be at your side like this. When you awoke, he tried to brush away his thoughts, and offered you a small smile, which you only weakly returned before being struck by pain, with Belphie doing his best to comfort you. He crawled into bed next to you, being careful of any wires and tubes, especially as he switched your pillow out for his own, giving your head something more comforting to rest on. It wasn’t long before you ended up falling back asleep, snuggled up to Belphie as he quietly dozed off next to you, getting his wish to cuddle you close - this time without anyone disturbing him, as none of the nurses dared to this time.

[yugirl-with-dragons]

Beyond the stars

This was in my notes for awhile and I hope you enjoy these two blushy dorks! 

…

“Yusei?.. Are you awake?” 

Her body still coursing  with quiet adrenaline, tense from a nightmare that haunts her tonight. Though it wasn’t a bad premonition, it just startled her. A crackle of the wood underneath the warm fire against the soft summer night filled in between their silence. 

“Hm?.. Aki what’s wrong?” 

“ I.. I can’t sleep. I just had a bad dream.” 

He didn’t quite catch it at first, since he was starting to feel sleep calling for him. Though when her words registered in his brain he quickly became concerned. Almost ready to wake up stardust from his slumber, waking a dragon without cause was a death sentence but a premonition was a good justification. 

“Did you have another premonition?” 

Sitting up, with her hair a bit messy she gave him a glance to his eyes. His eyes, they had a brunt force but allowed his softness to seep through them. 

“I.. no it’s..”

Trailing off, she turned away from him from a force of habit. Not being able to face him. She wasn’t confessing a crime or avoiding punishment when she hid information. Though in difference her face flushed a bit red and warm as if she had drank rum straight from a flask, suddenly nervous for punishment for speaking out of turn. As if she suddenly remembered rules she forgot before realizing that she was no longer bound to Divine’s guidance. 

So why do I feel all.. jittery and nervous when I look at him? I.. I can trust him.. can’t I? I mean, stardust is his companion after all..

Subconsciously, her fingertips tapping against the ground, huddling herself. Her restless hands made their way into her hair, fiddling with it to ground herself, to try to not appear anxious or show any fear. Trying to break her old habits of holding back information, as she was no longer bound to the rules and guidelines Divine had set for her.. before draining her magic.

Yusei waited with patience, seeing if she would elaborate on her own terms. 

Though the only words she could muster up were, 

“it was just a bad dream..”

Yusei let out a small breath of relief as his muscles relaxed, knowing that it may just be a bad dream, but not a nightmare that would potentially kill her or stardust in the real world. Even though she refused to make eye contact with him, he still kept his focus on her. To keep a protective watch over her while to maintain an ear out for nearby danger. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The wildlife of the night and stardust’s gentle snoring filled between their silence. Aki started debating in her head if she should say anything to Yusei about her dream. Normally if it wasn’t deemed as of ‘importance’, she kept it to herself. 

Why? If it doesn’t affect him or his companion.. Why would he want to know?  

It wasn’t a premonition, only a bad dream. Why would a knight like him want to care about a silly little nightmare? He’s got more important things to worry about, like saving the world from complete destruction than to listen to her ramblings!  After all, he wouldn’t want anything to do with her once all of this is over. It wouldn’t make sense for him to fuss over her because she had a minor bad dream!

The warm glow from his face, that signal of friendship and joy.. She was going to miss that. After all, she couldn’t live with him. She’s a witch, an outcast, she couldn’t live with a knight. She’d only endanger him despite saving him with the magic she used to once save him from death. In the few times they’ve stopped in town for supplies words of hate and accusations of her manipulating him were thrown at her. Of course no one would enforce their threats with Yusei at the helm, it was practically stupid to do so! She was definitely going to miss that feeling of safety if she ever had to return to town without him. Reminding herself that they can’t stay together forever, she has to be ready to separate when the time comes for them to part ways.  

He has to do his job, and I have to get my magic back. After this I can .. find elsewhere to stay.

She blinked out from her thoughts as if to shove him mentally out the door once again. 

“..I.. no its.. it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” 

Yusei could still feel a small pang of sadness, that she still couldn’t bring herself to place her faith in him. That he means that he will protect her at any cost even if he suffered for it.

Normally, he’d try to take guesses of what’s bothering his friends if they couldn’t give a direct answer. As sometimes it could help ease the stress on the other person on what it could’ve been about without directly stating the issue.

With her, he wasn’t going to take any sort of risk. He was only able to gain her trust by slowly helping her out of her shell in the big and little moments outside of normal society; forcing an answer out of her would undo any progress he’s made with her. Little by little, the rules that she had ingrained into her being started to fade the more time that had passed between them. Her hesitation still showed through however, as she always asked for permission; Whether it was for a minute task or even to speak, there was  still a disconnect showing that shouldn’t be there. A  part of her that still feared him because of her mentor’s teachings about the outside world. As there were sometimes where she had completely regressed back into her shell, though it’s only a very few times and primarily about her parents. Still, neither he or stardust pressed about it. Something in his gut told him that it’d be best if she were to bring it up to him when she felt ready for that conversation.

So he gave a small smile as she turned back to him. 

“Well.. whenever you feel ready to talk about your dream, you can always tell me or stardust about it. We’ll listen to you.” 

Her heart skipped a beat, as the door gave a gentle knock from the other side to call back to her. It was a similar conversation whenever she had a minor nightmare. Afterwards she allowed herself to drift back to earth and root herself into the soft dirt. Though tonight, she didn’t want to drift. She wanted to be rooted, but the clear skies twinkling down amongst the clearing let her drift to the stars instead. 

“Um.. I know this is weird to ask.. but.. could.. could we look at the stars?.. Together?” 

Yusei temporarily blocked out his sensing for danger; focusing on her words. A small touch of faith she started to place into him. 

 A faint flicker of hope starts to burn as a consistent but weak flame. 

Her face started to heat up as she started to backtrack her words, fearing punishment for breaking an unspoken rule she never learned about. Though his reply cut off her fears for a moment in exchange for one of peace. 

“ You don’t have to ask, Aki. We share the same sky and stars. ” 

He couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear, mixture of being proud and happy of the slow growth he’s seeing from their first meeting under the stars. From reservation to taking a few more steps to confidence to take her ex–mentor down to the realm waiting for him. Not hesitating, he sat himself up and patted to the soft earth next to him as a means for her to join him. 

Sitting up next to him she brushed the leaves and dirt that became entangled with her being, apologizing profusely. Yusei didn’t care, he may have been tried but goodness she was adorable when she became flustered. Though this realization forced his heart hammer in his chest, unsure how long he’d been admiring her for her strength and resilience against the odds of her mentor. 

The two of them could feel their hearts race against their minds as they slowly closed the space between them. Yusei, trying to fight the warmness riding in his cheeks and aki trying to fight the thoughts of being emotionally open with another person. Afraid that she might say something wrong? No no, that wasn’t quite it as the knots in her stomach were telling her.

She wasn’t going to lie, she was grateful for the knight and his companion taking her in after being left to die. Though lately she couldn’t help but feel more .. attached to him. Almost wanting to reach out to him before remembering that when she trusted someone, she nearly died. Though her heart kept screaming that he was different, that it wouldn’t wind up like last time. 

Though right now, she shoved her competing thoughts to gaze up to the twinkling of stars down to the earth. With him right by her side, getting comfortable, she gently grazed her hand over his before retracting away out of embarrassment. He felt a tug of disappointment pull at his heartstrings at her retraction. 

Soon enough the cackling fire filled in the stretched out silence. Though it didn’t last for long as she spoke up. 

“ Hey Yusei?..Do.. uhm, do you think that there’s life beyond the stars?“  

“ What do you mean Aki?” 

He turned to her briefly paying attention to her stumbling of uneasiness. It was clear that she didn’t ask too many questions on her own if they weren’t guided. Which internally made him furious on Aki’s behalf, seeing how she is barely functioning with a team that cares for her. He can only imagine any other manipulation she’s gone through disguised as ‘ love and guidance’. Though it goes against his moral code as a knight to take personal vengeance, he was going to make sure that Divine is permanently taken care of when their blades next meet.   

“ Well, after our time in this world has passed.. Do you think that.. This is gonna sound stupid but, um..”

She started to fiddle with her bangs and avoided his gaze again. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, the purity of balance shone through the fiber of her being. A beacon of hope, once all of this was over they would part ways as if they’d never met and she’d be alone all over again. It was better for them if she didn’t get too attached to him.. right? 

He may be tired but he wasn’t going to rush her. She’s slowly reaching out to place faith within him in small pieces.  

Progress. 

“That our souls go beyond the stars to another world? One just as real as ours but.. different?” 

His gaze returned back to the stars with a smile on his face. She couldn’t ignore the twinkling of the nocturnal beauty and life that reflected back into the lakes of his eyes. The mirrors of hope that were his eyes. 

“ I can’t answer that.. But I won’t doubt that there’s something beyond this earth. Maybe our souls end up in a separate world as our final resting place.. Or  maybe our souls are reborn in another time and another place… Who knows? If that’s the case, then I’d want you, Stardust and my friends to be there with me.” 

Aki felt her heart race a marathon as her face started to flush a rose color in her cheeks trying to defend herself in justification. Turning to him and raising her hands to put up a wall of insecurity. 

“ Really? Why? I can see Stardust.. But me? I’m a witch! I manage to get myself into trouble and–”

Yusei, meeting Aki’s eyes, didn’t like interrupting others, but only had to do it when necessary; her anxieties were flaring up and he needed to give her a stable grounding of trust and foundation. Fully knowing that it was something she hasn’t had since Divine pulled the rug under her, from taking the ability she’s lived with since she was born. 

To tear down her wall of insecurity to give her an embrace of warmth and love she deserved. Knowing that her life wasn’t an easy one, that she needed a friend to call on without fearing being left behind to be burned at the stake of judgement. To let her know that she was no longer isolated and a sacrifice ready to be slaughtered in the screamings of fear, that she had someone to defend her in her time of need. 

“ Aki. You may be a witch, but that doesn’t define your heart. You have abilities beyond comprehension but that doesn’t mean that you’re exiled to a life of misery for being different..” 

I wish one day that you could see that your magic is a gift and not a curse.. 

She did let her head hit his shoulder as she let out a yawn. Yusei could feel his face light itself on fire as in his years as a knight he’s never dealt with maidens in this context. Yes many of them have flirted with him, but he wasn’t interested in them. Their claims for marriage felt more for association and lust rather than with love. 

With Aki? His heart would flutter with the monarch butterflies that would land in her hair and frame her face. Her smile gave a light of hope to him that he had the strength to curb the darkness rising in the evening skies. 

Her laughter? He doesn’t hear it often, when he does it’s a sound he keeps close into his soul. A sign of her shedding her past of pain and isolation to a new life filled with joy just waiting for her. What would happen to the two of them after this was all over? He wasn’t sure, but he hoped that she would open her heart to completely to him when all of this was over. 

“ I know.. but that’s how it is Yusei.” 

“ Maybe, we can’t change what we’re born with or our circumstances.. But it’s what we do with our life is what matters. ” 

Aki let out a tired yawn staring up at the stars, entranced by their sparkles of life. 

“ I suppose..” 

Yusei gave a nod as the two of them slouched back against Stardust. With her head against his shoulder, he let himself stay still as he had no intention of moving anytime soon. She changed the subject to point out the constellations sparkling down in the night sky, taking in the map of the night sky. Sharing a few small moments of hilarity that ensued, whether it calling out the wrong spell and trapping Divine in an entanglement of vines for a solid hour when she started training with him or when Yusei played revenge pranks back at Martha’s on some of the other children from a relatively stupid bet. Glints of happiness and laughter sparkling under the stars. 

Slowly as her eyes shuttered she left her body be engulfed in the warmth from the fire and encasing loosely her arms around her new pillow for the night. Yusei, a bit surprised that he now has a sleeping woman in his arms, did his best to be still, to not disturb Aki. Trying to figure out if he should move her off onto the ground or if he should just let her sleep on him for the night and figure out if he should just wake up earlier before the sun rose. 

He wasn’t sure when but as when she fell asleep, a smile grew on his face. She may not have put her faith in him completely, but she was starting to trust him. Though it didn’t stop him from whispering his thoughts to her as her magenta hair lit up with the warmth of the fire gave a soft glow to her. Wishing that she could see the goodness in herself, that she is a good person with or without her abilities.

“You have a good heart Aki.. I wish you could see that..” 

To show his trust, showing his faith in her, he let his left gently hold her side and held his sheathed sword tightly in his right side wedged between his arm. Ready to fight at the slightest movement.

He let his head swing back into the dragon’s side as his eyes started to close as he left out a soft snore with a little too much force from deadweighting.

Stardust, awoke a bit startled that something hit his left side ready to attack. Only to see his two human companions sleeping right on him. Stardust never understood human concepts of courting and the rules that go along with it, but he could at least see that the concept of love could change a human.. or two. 

Take your rest and enjoy this moment of peace..  you two deserve it.

---submitted by  @taytay4674788 ---

IT’S MY MEDIEVAL AU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

thank you so much for this gift!!!!! I love how this one shot focuses on Aki feeling hesitant about trusting someone else again... Divine traumatized her enough to give her trust issues and it’s okay not feeling ready even if there are green flags basically everywhere about a specific person... 

“I wish one day that you could see that your magic is a gift and not a curse” big canon vibes !!! I love it *chef kiss*

The fact that they’re sitting there, stargazing together fills my heart with sparkles and little hearts. Thank u for the feels

[sweet-barnes]

Snake Eyes- part eight

Pairing: mob!Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2.9K

Warnings: abduction/beating

Summary: ‘Snake eyes’ meaning the worst possible result; a complete lack of success. Getting caught up between two of the biggest mobs in the city was never how you expected your night to go, and falling for a mob boss can only end in disaster.

A/N: i’m going to be honest, i kinda hate this, but we’re going to go with it anyway! i hope you enjoy and feedback would be great so i don’t feel so bad about this lmao

Snake Eyes Masterlist

Part 7

A loud thud echoed throughout the room as the door handle slammed against the wall. Bucky was ready to let out his frustration at whoever had just barged into his office without knocking but Natasha was talking at him before he could speak.

“Bucky, we need to go, it’s an emergency,” Natasha stormed her way to Bucky’s desk, droplets of sweat glinting in the daylight that poured in from the windows. Bucky stood up in his chair, his eyebrows furrowing together at her flustered state. “What is going on?”

"It's Y/N, she needs our help," Nat was already looking through her phone to find Steve and Sam's contacts, informing them to meet her and Bucky in the garage.

Bucky heart dropped straight to his stomach. It felt like his feet were frozen to the ground and there was nothing he could do to move them. There was a voice nagging at the back of his mind to get moving but it was as though his world had stopped turning. Worry was coursing through his veins at the thought of Y/N in danger.

How could he let this happen? How could Natasha let this happen? She was one of his best, nothing could get past her. But clearly that wasn’t all true today. The day he had organised for Y/N to treat herself had backfired dramatically and Bucky was blaming himself almost involuntarily at this point. He just wanted his girl to feel normal again, to feel like her old self, and this was not part of the plan.

"Bucky!" Natasha's voice snapped him out of his trance. "Look, I know you have some kind of feelings for her but you can't let that get in the way now, we need to get her back and make sure she's safe."

Bucky could only nod in response, gathering his suit jacket from the back of his chair and rushing to follow Natasha out of the door and down to the garage. Wondering in the back of his head how obvious his little crush was.

It was always Bucky in charge, without question and everyone knew that. But as soon as Y/N's name was mentioned, he wasn't himself. It was like his mind was clouded with images of her, visions of what could possibly be happening while she was out of his sight, and now he couldn’t focus on anything. Thankfully, Natasha had already taken the matter into her own hands. 

Steve and Sam were already at the car when they arrived, and all four of them jumped into their Jeep.

"I've already activated the tracker in her phone, they stopped at an old office building right outside of town," Natasha flashed the map at the boys before slotting it into the phone holder near the steering wheel. 

Sam was sat in the drivers seat. "We need to be careful guys, my bet is that it's Rumlow's men trying to get their girl back." Sam’s words felt like a stab to Bucky's heart. 

There was something different about Y/N. Bucky knew she wasn't and would never be one of Rumlow's girls. She was too beautiful, too caring, too smart, too wholesome. Rumlow definitely had a type of girl that he chose to work in his clubs, Bucky had seen it for years and Y/N didn't fit that model at all. But now wasn’t the time to question Sam’s statement. 

Before Bucky felt remotely ready for what was to come, Sam was already speeding out of the garage and towards the marked out red dot that was flashing, taunting them, on the map.

--

The hand against your cheek stung as you were slapped for what felt like the fiftieth time. You tried not to let the tears fall from your eyes but you couldn't keep them in any longer. Your skin felt raw where you had been repeatedly hit, the men trying anything to get an answer out of you.

"Tell us what you know," Rumlow's grumbled in your face. His breath fanned over your skin as he spoke. Variations of that sentence were all that he had spoken in between the slaps and punches. You were hauled into the building soon after arriving and tightly bound to the chair. 

He just wanted to know anything about Bucky but you had nothing to tell him. "Oh, you're protecting him now?" His tone changed as he scoffed, standing to his full height over you. You still didn't respond, not looking up at him as he stood there. 

His presence above you made your stomach tie itself into a knot, you’d be lying if you said he didn’t terrify you. His dominating demeanor was enough to make you want to spill every secret you ever had, but you couldn’t be that weak. 

"He's shown a slight interest in you hasn't he? Made you think that he wants something with you, a relationship, a fuck maybe?"

This time you looked up at him, seeing the smirk plastered on his face. "Let me tell you something, princess," he bowed down to your height again, grabbing your chin in his rough fingers, forcing you closer to his face. "He's just going to fuck you and leave you in the streets to rot." He laughed again as you flinched at his words, shoving your head back dismissively. 

You didn't want to believe it but Rumlow made you feel a fear you had never experienced, it made your mind flicker with constant anxiety. What if he was telling the truth? Even if he is just trying to hurt me, there may be some truth to what he's saying. 

The thoughts cycled through your mind as you looked at the floor, trying to sort through them. But trying to make sense of anything in your frightened state seemed impossible right now. You were so caught up in your thoughts, staring down at the dirty floor underneath you that you didn’t realise another member of HYDRA had approached Rumlow.

His booming laughed caused your eyes to flicker up, and you noticed a little note resting between his fingers as he read it out loud for everyone in the room to hear. 

"Enjoy yourself today, I can't wait to see what you bring home," his laugh seeped through into the words and suddenly the note seemed childish as it came from his mouth. The laugh echoed around the room from the other men surrounding you, and you felt yourself involuntarily curl into your body.

"So, he's your sugar daddy now? Well, you've done a good job I must admit," his words bubbled an anger in you and you couldn't help the strained "no" coming out of your mouth.

"Oh she speaks!" Rumlow's exclaimed, his arms flying into the air. He took a step closer to you. 

"Remember who you work for little girl, you are mine and I expect you to tell me everything you know about James Barnes so you better get talking," he kept his voice low as he spoke to you, which sent a chill through your body. "I wouldn't want to ruin that face of yours anymore before you tell me what I need to know."

Your body couldn't take it anymore. Your wrists and ankles were being burnt by the rope wound harshly around them and your cheek and eye felt swollen where you had been hit repeatedly.

You voice came out quiet, "what do you want to know?"

--

The derelict building towered over the four of them as they sat in the car slightly down the street. No one had entered or exited the building in the time they had been watching it and Bucky could feel his anxiety growing more and more as they just sat there.

He finally burst. "We need to go in now, we can't keep waiting about, anything could be happening to her in there." Steve and Sam shared a look with each other as Natasha exhaled. 

Some strands had come loose out of Bucky’s perfectly styled hair with the amount of times he’d impatiently ran his fingers through it, parts of it falling in front of his eyes as he looked down at the gun he was shifting between his hands. He had been fiddling with it the whole ride there, a strange comfort in the weight of it in his grasp. 

"Okay, we'll go in through the back and clear each floor in pairs," Natasha planned, looking around at the boys. "Hopefully, there aren't too many of them and we can take them, we just need to keep Y/N safe whatever happens."

Everyone but Bucky was loosing faith in the plan as it was said out loud. What were they thinking coming to this unknown place without any backup? Anything could be waiting for them within that building. Granted, it wasn’t the most unsafe thing that they had done but this could have been HYDRA they were messing with. They couldn’t afford to be outnumbered by them in any situation.

Without a word, they all made their way to the back entrance, Steve splitting off with Bucky while Sam went with Natasha. Methodically checking each floor for threats before moving up onto the next one. It was easy enough to get into the building, no old security systems or blockages. 

It almost seemed too easy. But in Bucky’s anxious state, he didn’t think anything of it, and the others followed his lead.

They had reached the fifth floor when Steve heard heavy breathing, almost like sobs, echoing through the quiet. He nudged Bucky before pointing with his gun to a doorway at the end of the corridor. Bucky nodded and they slowly moved towards the sound together. 

Bucky's heart rate picked up with every step he took as they neared the doorway and he tried to keep his breathing as even a possible. Just before entering, Steve looked back at him, waiting for the confirmation to proceed and when he received it, he went forward with expert movements.

His eyes immediately landed on your hunched frame in the chair, your hands restrained behind you and  either ankle tied to a leg of the chair. 

Your eyes darted up to the two large bodies that had just entered the room, fear flashing through them which Bucky caught as soon as he saw you. His breath hitched in his throat and before checking if the room was safe, he was rushing over to free you from the restraints. 

You flinched slightly as his sudden movements towards you and it didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky, but as soon as he came close and you could smell his familiar scent, your heart rate started to slow down. Bucky’s heart dropped at the thought that he had scared you, but he couldn’t let it bother him now, he needed to get you out of here. 

Steve made sure the room was clear before joining the two of you. Bucky had already cut the rope and he was helping you stand. He couldn't form any words as he held the weight of you against his side. "We'll talk about what happened when we're back home," Steve started but you were already shaking your head at him. He decided to leave it, not wanting to push you any further, not knowing what you had just been through. 

"Are you okay?" He asked instead, his voice soft. He already knew the answer, of course you weren't okay but he just wanted you to feel safe. Your eyes lifted to meet his and you sent him a small smile before letting your head drop again.

Bucky's heart was still racing and the only thing stopping him from storming off in rage was your arms wrapping around his waist as you held yourself up. 

Even when he rescued you from Rumlow's club you didn't look this bad. The skin where you had been punched near your eye had split, and a trail of blood made its way down your face. The swelling made it hard for you to move your face in any way, and Bucky could see the pain in your eyes just as you stood next to him. 

Whoever did this is definitely going to pay, he thought as he guided you through the building, Steve calling Natasha and Sam down as Bucky managed to get you to the car. He assisted you as much as he could, settling you into the window seat as he sat on the other side of you.

He just wanted you to look at him, to give him one of your bright smiles and make him feel better. But you didn't, you looked out of the window into the street. Watching the first few raindrops landing against the window. 

No one said anything as they got into the car, Natasha looked back at you with a sad look plastered on her face, disappointment rising within herself that she could let this happen to you on her watch. 

The rumble of the car underneath you felt familiar. Exhaustion was catching up as you felt your eyes closing, just like the first time you had rode in the car next to Bucky on the way home from the club. 

Bucky didn't try to hide the fact he was looking at you more frequently than he would like to admit, but his heart swelled when you gently placed your head on his shoulder. Letting out a sigh as his musky scent filled your nose. Your eyes were fully closed now as you let yourself relax, feeling safe in his presence.

He never thought he would feel so anxious over someone he barely knew. The way you flinched and the terror in your eyes as he entered the room caused tears to pool but he pushed them down. He never wanted to see that look on your face again, not if he could help it. He was going to protect you at all costs.

When the car finally reached Bucky's house, the evening was rolling in. You were still asleep on his shoulder, and as the car was parked in it's spot in the garage, everyone looked towards you and Bucky. A smile danced on their lips, all of them whispering "goodnight" before leaving the two of you alone. 

They knew right now wasn't the time to talk about what had just happened.

Bucky tried his best not to wake you but you stirred as soon as he moved. "Sorry, doll," he whispered, your tired eyes looking up into his as he sent you a soft smile. 

You looked around, realising you were back at Bucky's and let out a sigh. "Let's get you to bed, you need to rest," Bucky gently slid his arm around your waist and helped you out of the car. If you weren't so drained from the events of today, the skin where Bucky's arm laid would have been on fire but your body wasn't strong enough for that.

Bucky partially carried you up the three flights on stairs onto the floor your bedroom was on. He was opening your door when you mumbled. His brows furrowed, "what was that, doll?"

You shifted your gaze up to meet his before repeating your question. "Can I stay with you?" 

Under any other circumstance, you definitely wouldn't have asked him that, but a fear struck up inside of you at the thought of being alone. Bucky registered the look in your eyes, an echo of what he saw in that room and without a word, guided you further down the corridor until you were in front of another door, identical to the one you were just stood before. 

He looked down at you once again before opening it. He helped you slowly to the bed, sitting you on the edge carefully before stepping away and making his way to the chest of drawers at the far side of the room. 

As he came back to you, you realised he had picked out a large t-shirt and you assumed it was his. He laid it next to you before kneeling down.

"Will you be alright to get changed on your own?" His voice was soft and light, unlike Rumlow's, which had grated in your ear hours earlier. You simply nodded and Bucky waited a moment before standing and making his way to the en suite bathroom.

He got changed quickly, splashing his face with water and looking at himself in the mirror as droplets dripped from his face. The bags under his eyes made him realise just how tired today's events had made him. He pushed it aside, not wanting to think about it right now and patted his face dry with a towel nearby. 

He knocked on the door, wanting to make sure you were changed before he entered again but there was no reply from your side. He waited a few more seconds before he opened the door slowly, his eyes scanning around the room for you and they landed on the imprint of your figure underneath his duvet.

You were facing towards him and you were already fast asleep, covers pulled all the way up to your chin. Bucky stood there for a moment, admiring your soft features despite the evidence of the beating littered on your face. 

A smile spread across his face as he made his way over to the bed, pulling the covers back as carefully as he could as not to disturb you and settled himself next to you. As he turned to switch the lamp off, he felt you snuggle your way closer to him. Butterflies erupted in his stomach, even when you were asleep you were still able to have that effect on him.

Bucky laid his head on the pillow, listening to your light breathing next to him and for the first time, he felt at peace.

Part 9

[runenc03]

Til the light goes out (and after) - part 1

Writing date: I started in October ‘20, got scared by the amount of personal issues I put into “the reader” and procrastinated. I eventually finished in January ‘21, lol.

Genre: Angst, I guess? But not too badly, it’s fine.

Warnings: Insecurity (to everyone reading this, you are worthy!!)

Word count: 3.6k words

---------------------------------------------

"I remember when I reached the age of 25 and I had this jarring quarter-life crisis. I felt like I wasn't at all where I wanted to be: I wanted to be deeply in love and almost married to my soulmate. (...) I also wanted to be a publishing author. Yet I was single, and had never put a book together, even after writing hundreds of poems, journal entries, and essays in my life. I felt like I was just wasting my time, and that felt terrifying. That was three years ago. I look back at that time in my early to mid twenties so differently now. I see many beautiful poems written. Deep conversations with cherished friends. Night walks, early morning walks. Dinners with my family and birthdays, going around the table saying what we love about each other. (...) None of it was wasted. It was beautiful, and the life I had lived was so meaningful and precious. I wish I could go back, and tell myself that, so the younger me could appreciate each moment, rather than comparing where she was to where she wanted to be."

~Katherine Cimorelli Straneva

-----------------------------♡--------------------------

"I think Miss Swann over there should have the role."

Your hands stopped their movements to free you from your pirate costume, and you looked up. Your entire group of colleagues was staring at you, expectantly.

You see, you worked at a theme park, and it was just about the most amazing job ever. Every holiday period, it opened its gates, ready to shower people of all ages in everything magical. You were part of the actors crew, which basically meant that you acted out entire stories at fixed intervals and filled the rest of your time with walking around the theme park in costumes, doing small acts on your way. Often you ended up improvising, dancing with your guests, and of course posing for pictures. If you could, you would live in the theme park. Really, there was just something so entrancing about the atmosphere there, the music coming out of the lanterns beside all the roads, the roller coasters, the beautifully decorated buildings. A big part of the magic was because of the work you and your crew put into your characters and its stories though, you shouldn't underestimate that, which was exactly the reason you weren't too keen on taking the lead role in your next story. The pressure to create the biggest part of the magic was something you didn't know you could handle.

"I'm...not too sure about that. Ariel always plays the lead role, why shouldn't she now? I've never even done a lead role."

'Ariel' was one of your colleagues you were probably the closest with. She was funny, kind, and seemingly good at everything she did, acting included. Her real name wasn't Ariel, but you never called each other by your real names. It was like a tradition within your crew to call everyone by the name of the character they were currently playing. Seeing as she had had the lead role in your newest play, a crossover between Pirates of the Caribbean and The Little Mermaid, her name had been Ariel for the past two weeks, and yours had been Elizabeth.

Your friend wriggled herself out of her tail, her eyes still on you. A smirk was playing around her mouth, and your stomach gave a swirl. She had actually meant it when she proposed to give you the lead role.

"Because, dear Elizabeth, you wrote the play, and you did so beautifully! Your talent is ridiculous, and I think the entire thing is going to come across as much more honest if you play the biggest part in your own story. Isn't that logical?"

The other members of your crew nodded in agreement, and while you couldn't help but smile at their faith in you, the nerves in your stomach grew. You started to untie the laces of your pirate boots as you voiced your concerns.

"I'm not too sure about that. It's a love story, remember?"

The grinning on Ariel's face turned into a warm smile, but her eyes showed determination, and at that point you knew that you had lost this particular battle.

"I remember, and I also remember that you're the biggest romantic out of all of us. Come on, we all know you're going to be fantastic."

Another colleague of yours spoke up, telling you that he'd been in awe of the script you'd written, and another joined, claiming she'd even cried a little at the end. Your doubts slowly folded themselves back up again.

"The story belongs in this place, just like the lead role belongs to you, Elizabeth."

The words were spoken by the most timid guy in your crew. He never talked in your plays but provided the music in them, and even though he was terrific at adding that extra touch of magic to your stories, he never contributed to conversations about their content. You thought he just didn't really mind, as long as he could play his music. If he was willing to speak out loud about it, it must mean you really were meant to follow your crew's judgement.

You smiled, a blush blossoming on your cheeks, and you knew your eyes twinkled when you finally gave in.

"I'll do it."

_______________________________________

"Hey!"

You plopped down next to the music guy in your group, feeling extra cheerful today. You would start rehearsing the piece you had written today, and now that you'd been able to get over the initial insecurities you'd had, you felt really excited about this first rehearsal.

"Good morning, Jade."

You grinned at your brand new name, rummaging through your bag. Tossing aside a water bottle and some elastic bands, you found what you were looking for. Your eyes scanned over the words, making sure you had taken the right document out of the stack you had brought with you, before stretching out your arm in the direction of the music guy. He looked in your direction questioningly. Your grin turned into a warm, although somewhat insecure smile.

"If you're okay with it, your name is Sam from now on."

He read your script in silence, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Who says I can even act?"

"Who said I was able to play the lead role of my own story?"

He threw his head back in laughter, and you watched, surprised you were able to get such an exuberant reaction out of him.

Your alarm chose that exact moment to go off, the bright letters "START REHEARSAL" instantly reforming the knot in your stomach. You frowned at yourself. Weren't you over it by now? It was time to start the whole thing and you were still nervous, for God's sake.

"Hey, you'll be fine. Even better, you get to kiss the guy everyone wants to marry. You should relax more, maybe you can enjoy acting again then."

You tore your eyes away from your phone and onto Sam's face. His comment didn't help at all, and your face must have shown it, because his eyes went from warm to panicked, and your guilt punched the knot of nerves in your stomach. What a mess you'd made of all of this, already. You managed to send a tired smile in his direction, trying to salvage as much as you could from whatever it had been that had made him open up to you a bit.

"Thanks for trying to calm me, really it means a lot. I think I'll calm down once this rehearsal is over though. Are you ready? You're in the scene I want to start the rehearsal with."

He nodded again, awkwardly showing you the flute he was holding, and followed you to the middle of the room where you beckoned everyone to come join you so you could start.

Taking one last deep breath, you started.

"Hi everyone! As you know, we're starting our rehearsals for my story today. If everything went well, you've all received the script for the character you're playing. I actually wanted to start with one of the last scenes,..."

Everyone nodded at you encouragingly throughout your little speech, and as you realised that these were all your friends who genuinely cared about you, you felt the knot in your stomach slowly untie itself.

The first scene you rehearsed was actually the ultimate confrontation between the good and the bad in your story. Your friend Ariel, whose name was now Ruby, played the villain in your story, and you played Jade, the lead character. This scene basically consisted of the fight between Ruby and the main character's love interest, Dante. The story situated itself in the medieval times. Dante had come to Ruby's tower to rescue Jade, who he believed was kidnapped by Ruby, but upon arriving, he - and the park's visitors - would discover that Jade wasn't actually kidnapped and Ruby had made it all up. Then, Jade would realise everything just in time to go up to Ruby's tower as well and rescue Dante, instead of the other way around. What could you say? You'd always been a feminist at heart. Dante was played by a great friend of yours, and you'd actually written this piece thinking he could play the male love interest, while Ariel would play the female lead role, but things had, evidently, taken a turn. The two of them had been friends way longer than you'd been friends with any of them, and even though the three of you were really close, you couldn't help but marvel at the chemistry the two of them had, something you and Dante would very much lack, or at least that's what your insecurities made you believe.

However, you didn't want to rewrite the entire thing just so you wouldn't have to play each other's love interest, and you had showed the script, including the initial cast, to everyone anyway, so it wasn't really something you could get out of without a whole lot of awkwardness.

The rehearsal started off well enough. Ruby was, as you'd expected, really, a brilliant villain, and apart from some minor corrections from you, everyone executed the script exactly the way you had in mind. You were starting to believe in this.

That was, until the very end of the play, in which Jade and Dante would get all cute because of the whole we-just-survived-a-villain-attack-and-thought-we'd-lost-each-other situation. You thought you'd mentally prepared yourself, really, you had, but apparently it hadn't been enough. The awkward tension was palpable, your own movements, usually so fluent, were now stiff, your rigid body seemingly forgetting how your limbs worked. No one said anything about it, but you felt it and you know the others did too.

And you tried to pull out of that awkward moment, tried to chase your insecurities away, you really did, but they seemed to cling to you, and the longer it lasted, the worse your mood became. When you almost fell off of the stage because you'd instinctively set a step backwards when Dante had tried to pull you into his arms, you knew you couldn't continue like this.

Hastily, you grabbed your jacket, quickly telling everyone you would have a 15-minute break and that they'd done a good job, before hurriedly walking out of the building, and into the cold.

_______________________________________

The wind quickened your tears, and you angrily wiped them away before they could hit your neck, mad at yourself for allowing them to fall down. You knew you'd had to get back inside your rehearsal room eventually, and while everyone had a good image of what you were doing, you weren't looking forward to letting them see the evidence.

Most of all though, you felt vulnerable. Vulnerable because you had failed, and because everyone had witnessed you doing it. Vulnerable because your biggest insecurities had just come true.

"Hey, what is up with you?"

You looked up, watching as Ruby flopped herself down on the bench you were sitting on, turning herself so she was completely facing you. She wore an expression of confusion, and worry.

You let go of your eye contact, your eyes drilling holes in the soil beneath your feet. You owed her the truth. In fact, you owed your entire crew the truth. Being completely honest with yourself, you knew that was the only way this play would end up being a success. You took a deep breath.

"I'm just....not equipped to play Dante's love interest."

You couldn't look at her, too ashamed, but her voice conveyed honest surprise, which, in turn, made you surprised. Didn't she realise how obvious it all was?

"What are you talking about? You were fine until you had to reunite with Dante, and if you didn't like physical contact or if you were extremely hesitant for anything romantic, I'd agree with you and say you should probably focus on roles you are very good at, but you, you're a hopeless romantic at heart, and you like physical contact. Why is it so difficult then? I'm not making fun of you, I genuinely don't understand."

You scoffed, too caught up in your own head, annoyed at her lack of understanding.

"How can you not? I've never had a boyfriend, and that explains everything. Don't you see? It's not that I don't want to play a character that's in love, and I'm sure that if I managed to calm down I'd even enjoy it, but whenever I come close to Dante I feel like "forever single" is practically inked on my forehead."

You had, by now, managed to look at your friend, your annoyance chasing away a bit of the previous insecurity and shame. Her face morphed into a look of understanding, and you didn't know if that made you feel better of worse.

"I know it's a bit intimidating to play Dante's love interest, and I know that, like, everyone wants to date him, or at least gushes about how good-looking he is, but that doesn't mean that you can't play his love interest. Stop thinking you're too ugly to be around beautiful people."

If you hadn't been feeling so terrible, you might have literally facepalmed. Maybe you should've seen this coming, but Dante being known as the Adonis of your group really was the least of your worries.

"Wait...what? No, this has nothing to do with him being attractive, you know he and I are only friends. In fact, I think you would be great as his girlfriend, I would totally ship that. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that he's just a friend and it's not about playing his love interest, it's about playing someone's love interest in general. I just...what if it looks completely stupid? I know it looked stupid now. I can imagine all these cute things in my head, but then when I have to execute them, the only thing I can think about is that no one wants to do this with me in real life, and that just...I don't know. You all one by one find the love of your lives, or at least good partners you're happy and in love with, and it...it just makes me wonder if I'll ever be good enough to have that myself, as well."

"Oh, honey..."

You felt Ruby's arm wrap around you, her hand stroking your back, and you eyes filled themselves with tears again. She wasn't a physical person and therefore didn't like touching people, but she did now for you because she knew that you were. The tears started falling again.

"I mean, I knew you were ready to have a boyfriend, or like, to commit to someone and be in love with them, but I didn't know you were so insecure about not being in a relationship, and now I wish I'd realised that earlier. But you have to realise that while you're insecure now because you think no one is going to want you, you're going to be insecure about not deserving a boyfriend when you have one. Trust me, the insecurities don't go away, they just change. I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't wait for that moment that you're someone's girlfriend, the insecurities aren't going to magically disappear then. Now's the time to work on them. And, this shouldn't matter, but for the record: I fully believe that you are very worthy of being someone's girlfriend, and when the right person comes along, you'll give your all, because that's who you are, and it'll go a lot better than most of the relationships you wish to have yourself now. For now though, just have fun. You get to kiss Dante and make lots of bratty girls jealous!"

You chuckled at her attempt to cheer you up. You were really grateful for her. The two of you were complete opposites, and her radiance sometimes made you insecure, but right now, with her words, you believed yourself a worthy person again, and that meant more than you could express.

"That's what Sam said, too."

Ruby's eyebrows went up at lightning speed, her eyes wide.

"Wait, he talks? And he told you you'd be a good girlfriend?"

You rolled your eyes, but also noted how you had to fight the blush off of your cheeks.

"No, dummie, he told me I'd be able to kiss the guy - and I quote - everyone wants to marry. I guess he's not wrong, a lot of female visitors do seem to want to faint whenever he includes them in improvs."

Your friend chuckled, and, her laugh being so infectious, you chuckled along with her. Then, when you didn't expect it, she jumped off of the bench, beckoning you to follow her. As she entered the rehearsal room, she yelled that you'd come with her, and as the rest of the group started cheering, you realised that that had been a good choice.

_______________________________________

"Dante, hold on, I'm coming!"

A few of your younger spectators started whispering excitedly as you stepped into view, quickly climbing a long, round staircase to get to platform on which Dante and Ruby were battling. You were busy concentrating on tripping and falling off of the stairs. That had happened once during your rehearsals, and if you hadn't still been in the lower half of the stairs and if Sam hadn't discarded his flute to catch you, you probably wouldn't have been able to play Jade. While that scenario would've actually sounded appealing a few weeks ago, you had to admit now that you loved playing the lead role in this play.

You threw yourself in the battle, pulling just about the bluntest sword out of its holder around your waist, and clashing with Ruby's. Needless to say, Ruby was no match for you and Dante together, and with a dramatic last breath of air - and a smirk only you and Dante could see from so high up - she fell backwards, tumbling down. This part had actually taken quite some organisational talent. Right in front of the platform you were battling on, there was the staircase, while there was some kind of wall behind the platform. Ruby always fell down behind the wall, where multiple thick layers of soft material made her fall softly and unharmed. The visitors, however, only saw her tumbling down the platform, which made for a very dramatic effect. Of course, Ruby, out of all people, loved it the most.

While the enthusiastic applause intensified, you and Dante fell into each other's arms. You separated a bit, and patiently waited as Dante pulled a lock of your hair behind your ear, something that was in the script. Then, he leaned down slightly, pulling you in for a small, but cute kiss. This wasn't your first time enacting the play, and so you'd gotten used to kissing Dante, and even though you both really didn't have romantic feelings for each other and this was only just a play, you found that the enthusiasm during that kiss from both the kids and adults who were watching, had cured a lot of your insecurities over time.

Hand in hand, you walked down the stairs. Beneath you, the crowd started cheering again, and Dante squeezed your hand, smiling at you. You knew he was congratulating you for once again bringing the play to a successful end. Every time the two of you walked down those stairs, he did it, and every time, you were really grateful.

Once down, your entire crew formed a line, taking each others hands to make a collective bow. You were already holding Dante's, and reached with your other hand to Ruby, but to your surprise, Ruby completely dodged it and went to stand next to Dante on his other side. You were about to grin, your hopes at getting them together once more reviving, before Ruby looked at you and sent you a wink. You were puzzled for a second, until you felt your fingers being intertwined with someone else's, a warm, and, let's be honest, a bit of a clammy hand. Normally, your entire crew held hands with closer fingers, kind of a palm-to-palm thing, so this was a surprise. You were quick to turn your head, and looked straight into Sam's warm eyes. He flashed you a shy smile, and congratulated you on your performance. You smiled back, bowing down with the rest of your crew.

When you got home tonight, you wouldn't slip off your smile along with your costume, for you finally understood that you were just as worthy of a fairytale as all the princesses, goddesses and fairies you had played along the way.

[captain-yeet]

In Awe of You (Felix Volturi x Reader One-Shot)

Summary: Adjusting to becoming a newborn is tough, you're scared and every little emotion you have is dialed up to eleven. Luckily for you, a certain giant vampire is right there for you every step of the way - and has a fun surprise for you.

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety with a big dose of Soft Fluff. 

Author’s note: I’ve had some anxiety and crappy things happening lately so I figured why not project that shit into my fantasy ideal way of dealing with that, so here it be! Queen of self-projecting, that is me.

Being a vampire was tougher than you thought it would be. Firstly, you didn't plan on becoming one so soon and against your will.

Secondly, all your emotions felt as if they were live wires. You were easy to set off. When you were excited you practically bounced off the walls, and when you were sad it crushed your soul completely, rendering you almost immobile. You were always an emotional person as a human, so it didn't surprise you too much when it carried over to your second life.

Today was one of your bad days though. Curled up in a ball in your living quarters, you were nestled up with a soft blanket and a book you'd been meaning to read for a while by the window.

A soft knock brought you away from your story. "Come in," you called out.

The door opened and in walked Felix. To your surprise, he wasn't wearing his usual Volturi robes and attire. Instead, he opted for a simple coat and trousers, which you had to admit he looked good; given that you’d only ever seen everyone wearing their medieval-esque robes and cloaks, the modern century attire took you by surprise.

"Afternoon Y/N," he greeted you, smiling widely as he saw how you were sitting. "Feeling comfy?"

If you could still blush, you would have. "More restless," you confessed. "Being cooped up all the time is making me feel antsy."

 “It isn’t easy being a Newborn,” he chuckled in reply. He approached where you sat and gestured with a hand to where you sat as if to say “May I?”

You scooted back on the couch you sat on to allow him some space. “I need to do something other than sitting around being cooped up here, Felix.”

 “Y/N, you know why,” he chided you, offering a sympathetic smile. “You’re still gaining control over your thirst.”

 “It wouldn’t even have to be around people,” you tried to argue your case but Felix’s sigh made your voice die down.

Watching your reaction, Felix frowned. “You would like to go out that bad, huh?”

Deflation turned into eagerness. You nodded your head excitedly. “Hell even if it���s the middle of nowhere, a forest -  the middle of Antarctica even! Just please, I need to get out at some point soon or I’m going to go crazy.”

Cutting your sentence off you put your head in your hands, gripping your hair at the roots in frustration. You felt Felix very gingerly put a hand on your back, making you let out a low growl in warning. All of your instincts were dialed up - part of you wanted to throttle Felix for touching you, but another part of you knew if you did you would immediately start sobbing.

In any other situation, Felix would have simply laughed at your dramatics. He’d seen you when you were goofing around. This time was different. He had a lot to learn about how humans functioned in the modern day; he’d heard of a lot of the younger generations having struggles with anxiety and other mental health issues but hadn’t ever met anyone who dealt with them personally. You were the first - the first quite frankly he gave a shit about - and he knew the circumstances of your turning only made it worse.

He withdrew his hand, standing up. “Come with me.”

You didn’t respond. You were statuesque, unable to will your limbs to move. You wanted to move, to relax but your muscles were locked in place.

Once again, you felt his hands on you just as gently as the first time; he was crouched before you now. Fingers brushed against your hands gripping your hair and you let out another growl, only this one sounded more like a kitten’s attempt at being scary. This time though he didn’t pull away; his hands were still on yours.

 “I have an idea that I think will make you feel better.” His voice was low but lacked the usual sardonic tone he typically used in conversation. It was soft; which again, threw you off. “I’m bending the rules a bit here and Caius will have a fit, but I think it’ll be good for you.”

You lowered your hands, slowly, eyeing him meekly. “What did you have in mind?” you asked quietly. Even in your anxious state, your curiosity was peaked.

A half-smile lit up his face, a pleased one. “There she is. Want to find out? You must come with me - there’ll be no humans where we’re going so no risks.”

Tempting. A day out with Felix. An against the rules outing with Felix, but an outing nonetheless.

What harm could there be?

You trusted Felix - after all, he was essentially your unofficial mentor throughout this newfound afterlife for you. He vouched for your life when Caius and Aro wanted you dead. A mere human who managed to evade hungry vampires during a feeding, aware of the immortals was asking for disaster. But, a few shared glances with Marcus and hushed whispers later, you found yourself writhing on the ground in pain. And as soon as you woke up, Felix was one of the first people you saw and he’s guided you since. There was no reason to not trust him.

So, you conceded, fully bringing your hands away from your hair and letting them fall limp into Felix’s.

He pulled you up and guided you out of the room, reaching for your jacket along the way which was discarded on an end table near your room’s door haphazardly along the way. Even with your anxieties, among the knots in your stomach was a small jolt of excitement building.

 “Are you sure this is safe?” 

 “Y/N, we’re vampires. Things like this can’t hurt us.”

Felix had taken you to what felt like the edge of the world. You’d left the ancient stone walls of Volterra and had followed Felix across the countryside and deep within the untouched Italian landscape. Now, you stood on a cliff, peering nervously down at the waves of water below.

 “Why are we here?” you asked, eyeing Felix curiously as the wind whipped your hair wildly around your face. 

 “We’re going cliff diving,” he replied cheerily, his smile widening into a grin as your eyes went wide.

 “I - are you sure? Cliff diving?” you squeaked.

He nodded and began taking a few steps back. “Tell you what - if you’re nervous I’ll go first and come back up, just to show you there’s nothing to fear.”

The grin on his face was pure, feral glee. Again, this man surprised you with how laidback he was outside of working for the Volturi.

Before you could open your mouth to respond, Felix had launched himself off the cliffside.

Shocked and scared you couldn’t help but scream as he went over the edge, descending quickly and out of eyeshot. “You’re a dick Felix!” you shouted. “How dare you scare me like that!”

You heard loud, raucous laughter from below. He heard you, so that meant he was okay. Good. Not like you were worried or anything.

Five minutes later, Felix appears again at your side completely drenched to the bone. Something about how exhilarated he was, the light in his eyes as he beamed at you with a cocky shit-eating grin sent a new jolt of nerves to your stomach.

If you were still alive, you swore your heart would have skipped a few beats at that moment.

 “See? No harm was done,” he reassured you, “now it’s your turn.”

And the anxiety was back.

Tentatively, you took a couple baby steps to the edge of the cliff. Everything you had been worried about bubbled to the surface - the fear you felt when you thought you were going to be killed by vampires, that same fear when Aro turned you, the heightened anxiety you’ve been feeling since you awoke as an immortal. 

 “One of the things I enjoy about doing this is the freedom of jumping and knowing nothing can hurt me,” Felix’s voice was right by your ear as he spoke. “I know you’ve had it rough. See this as a chance to vent your feelings. Scream, yell... let go Y/N.”

His last words to you came out in a low purr, convincing and oh so very enticing.

And you believed him.

Rocking back on your heels momentarily, briefly feeling your back hit his chest, you took that little leap of faith, letting out a loud scream as you did so. It was a scream of anger, pain, and defiance at the bullshit hand the universe played you and it served as your war cry as the air whipped your face as you descended below.

Unbeknown to you, Felix watched on with a softer smile than the cocky excited one he wore before. You wouldn’t let yourself be beaten by circumstance and quite simply, he was both proud and in awe of you.

[oohnoniall]

Queen of Serpents || Galan Ashryver x OC [Chapter Six]

{WARNINGS: adult language, fantasy violence, woman owning her sexuality and her body, woman using her sexuality and body as a weapon, woman saying “fuck emotions i’m scared”, manipulation mentions, toxic main character but she learns, toxic parents, self-harm in the form of self-poisoning, self-hate, fucked up family}

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four 

Chapter Five 

        Arya took Lord Middleditch's hand, noting the lack of callouses and the way his cuticles looked almost as nice as her own. He was a man who not worked for anything. A man who had never held a sword in his hand. He'd be so easy to play with. It had been far too long since Arya had been able to play her favorite game. Playing with the heart of men had been a pastime since she had first realized that she was something more than beautiful.

        She was sensual.

        She would seduce the man, sleep with his wife or betrothed, and then she would watch as he struggled to pick up the pieces. She had a habit of creating insatiable lust. She had a habit of becoming someone that no one could ever have. She was an untouchable woman. 

        She just had to keep reminding herself that it was safer to play the game than to be played. Dorian Havilliard had been the only man who had ever come close to breaking her heart. A heart that she wasn't sure she even had.

        Thomas' hand was stronger than she expected, his hold on her waist was tight enough to entice her. She fought the urge to smirk up at him. She wanted to make this last longer than it probably should. Seducing him within moments would only make the game end before she had her fun.

        As the two danced, she could feel a gaze on her. It caused an unfamiliar heat to rise in her stomach and spread across her chest. She knew without looking that Galan was watching them. She wondered if he realized that he had no claim over her. Just because he had been nothing but a gentleman since they had met meant nothing. Princelings often thought the world belonged to them. Any beautiful woman was theirs. Any possible thing they could wish for was theirs for the taking.

        Arya would never let that happen to her. She didn't care if she had to stab him to make her point widely known. Although, stabbing him would bring attention that she did not want. It seemed as though the princess was bound to make a terrible decision when it came to Galan Ashryver. It didn't matter what she wished.

        "I must say," Lord Middleditch's voice drew her out of her thoughts. His voice was a seductive drawl, deep and dark like the ocean's abyss. "I didn't expect you to show tonight."

        "And why is that?" One of her brows rose just slightly as she watched the smirk grow on his face. He was handsome enough. The worst part was that he knew that he was. That was bound to cause trouble.

        "Our prince is many things," he started, thinking over his words for a moment before continuing. "An idiot just happens to be one of them."

        "Is that so?" Arya tried to mask the amusement in her tone. "I thought he was quite revered. He fights for his country and is quite dashing. Surely that garners some respect."

        "Only an idiot would fight on the frontlines. Galan thinks he can take on Adarlan by himself."

        "Careful," Arya said before Thomas dipped her gently. "He happens to be my closest friend here."

        "Is that why you've been avoiding him all night?" So he was perceptive. That would have to be taken care of. Arya didn't need anyone seeing through her nor her plans. If he managed to find out that she was just trying to find a husband and steal them away to Kalthanen, who knew what would happen.

        He might decide he was the best man for the position. He might assume he'd be the best king for Kalthanen. She would never let that happen.

        "I have no idea what you're talking about," Arya gave him a demure smile. This man was sure to be someone who she watched for. He wasn't playing the same games that she was. "All I've done was dance with a few men. I'm allowed to do as I please. Free will is man's one true strength, wouldn't you agree?"

        The smirk on his lips chilled her to the core. He looked like a member of Kalthanen's court. The snake-like eyes, the handsome features that masked a horrid heart. She wanted to be sick just looking at him. She took a breath through her nose, knowing that she was being oversensitive. He didn't know anything about her. He would never know anything about her.

        No one could see behind any of the masks she wore. No one ever would. Hell, Arya did not know who she was. How was anyone else supposed to figure it out?

        "I would," Thomas spoke, twirling her just before the song ended. "You seem to have a choice to make." He stared over her head, watching someone nearing the two of them. "You can either spend the rest of your night with me or you could continue to give our prince hope."

        Arya did not glance behind her. She did not listen to the pull in her gut telling her that this was a bad idea. Her instincts normally protected her. She had made a habit of listening to them rather than anything else. She would get into trouble otherwise. But this was a decision that needed to be rationalized. She couldn't just listen to a stupid little pull in her gut. She had to think about what was best for her. What was best for Kalthanen.

        "Lead the way," Arya didn't know if she was going to regret her decision. She didn't think she cared. 

        Thomas took her by the arm, leading her out of the ballroom. As they slipped through the door, she turned her head to see Galan. A look of hurt on his face.

        Her stomach seemed to knot itself but she said nothing, did nothing, as Thomas walked her to the gardens.

        "I find it easier to think out here," he explained as they exited the castle through large, glass doors. The gardens were beautiful in the daylight but in the moonlight they were exquisite. She wondered how hard Galan had worked to make it that way. Had he even noticed it? 

        She didn't know why she was thinking of him. 

        "Yes, it's quite lovely," she said as they passed whispering couples and one who seemed more inclined to fighting than intimacy.

        Arya took it upon herself to note who was nearest them. In case anything happened, she wished to know who she might be able to rely on for protection. 

        It seemed as though the Fae had preferred the gardens to the crowded ballroom. Two Fae couples stood in the gardens, one just along the eastern wall. The woman was small, petite against the man's large frame. Her hair was the deepest ebony and she looked up at the man with the light of a thousand stars in her eyes. The man did not appear to be swayed by her otherworldly beauty. His tanned skin seemed to glow golden in the moonlight, shadows playing around him. He looked as though he was ready to destroy everything and everyone. But his large hand held the woman's smaller one and he appeared almost content. The other couple stood beside the hydrangea bushes just to the south of Arya and Lord Middleditch. The man's face held a tattoo that she could not make out, his white hair flowing down his back and a dark glare on his face. The woman's golden hair was braided in a crown on her head, an impish smile on her face as she said something that Arya couldn't hear. The tattooed man's face grew darker.

        "Don't let them frighten you," Thomas told her with a slight sigh. "They think just because the Ashryver's have Fae blood that they're allowed here. It's quite disgusting if you ask me."

        "I didn't," Arya stated as they sat down on a bench just outside of a maze that was filled with roses and jasmine. Arya briefly wondered how they managed to keep the jasmine alive in Wendlyn. She allowed herself to think of the land back home, where the jasmine grew wild and where she had spent hours in her youth laying on the ground and watching as the flowers bloomed around her. Arya truly loved Kalthanen, even if she knew it could be a horrible place full of equally horrifying people.

        "No, I suppose you didn't," he said with an amused chuckle. No warmth was in his laugh nor in his eyes. "Now, Arya, tell me what you're doing here."

        "Kalthanen needs new trading partners," the lie slid off her tongue easily.

        "Don't lie to me, Princess," the lordling said. "I know better than that. You and your dearest cousin are here for a reason. Now, I can be of service to you, or we can keep lying to each other about our intentions."

        "And what exactly are your intentions?" Arya looked at him, her eyes filled with boredom. She would not let any man get under her skin. She wouldn't allow anyone to tell her who she was or what her plans were. No one had any right to try and control her. No one would ever be that important to her. She had known that from a very young age.

        "What else would they be?" Thomas questioned, looking down at her with a raised brow. "I intend to sweep you off your feet and leave Wendlyn as far behind me as I possibly can."

        "You have faith in yourself," she almost snorted before remembering herself. "I don't intend to give anyone my heart, my Lord," she said the title with more venom than anyone could have mustered.

        "I didn't say anything about stealing your heart," he shrugged his shoulders once as he looked down at her. "Make no mistake, you're beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you. But we both know that you don't want Galan. I assume that you didn't manage to snag Dorian Havilliard. There are few princes left in this world."

        "There are several island nations left." Arya pointed out.

        "Yes, but what would they do for you?" Thomas questioned, taking her hand in his. She didn't quite hate how soft they were. "They wouldn't strength Kalthanen. If anything, it would just weaken your country. No, you need something better than islands. You need someone from Wendlyn or Adarlan. Since a prince won't do, a Lord would be the next best thing."

        Arya didn't correct him. How could she? He had read her mind.

        "Besides, we can take over from your brother and your cousin in due time. For now, we would be playing the happy newlyweds."

        "What's in it for you?" He was offering too much. There had to be something he wanted. No one was this eager to marry someone they did not know. Briefly, thoughts of Galan went through her mind. What would she do if he found out? What if he learned that she was marrying someone she didn't know despite the way he looked at her? Despite how he made her stomach knot and her heart hammer.

        It was for that reason that she was considering this whole, stupid mess. She didn't want to think about Galan anymore. Didn't want to think about the task at hand. He was offering her a chance to get away from here before she lost some integral part of herself.

        "I'd get off this miserable rock," he stated as he turned his face to look at the stars. The moonlight bathed his skin in silvery light, causing his golden skin to glow. "I'd be able to lay about in a palace by the sea, have a beautiful woman in my bed, and never hear my father's voice again. The potential to become a king consort is also quite tempting."

        "Power and escape," Arya's voice was soft as she stared at the maze in front of them. The twists and turns of the hedges matched by her train of thought. This couldn't be this easy. It made no sense for anything to be as painless as this whole thing. "Do not expect me to love you."

        "As long as you expect the same from me," Thomas said, his gaze turning to her. His eyes were black in the moonlight. She could not tell what was iris and what was the pupil. Did it even matter? She wouldn't be falling for his eyes. Wouldn't be blinded by the fire that blazed within them.

        "Allow me to think on this." She didn't need to think on anything. It was the best she could ever do. He would be the one she would be able to take back to Kalthanen. They would marry and she would kill him after they were crowned.

        "Of course," Thomas stood then, taking her hand as he did. The fluidity of his movements made her wonder if perhaps he had some Fae in his bloodline. He brushed a kiss to her knuckles before releasing her hand and disappearing into the night. She didn't know if she was grateful to be alone or not. 

        She could hear the couple fighting from earlier. The man telling the woman off for hiding a weapon in the lining of her gown. Arya was almost impressed that she had managed it. The woman seemed to think it was nothing. Their voices drowned out the sound of footsteps coming from behind her.

        "You disappeared," his voice caused an unwelcome chill to go through her spine. Her hands gripped the bench, her white knuckles hidden by her voluminous skirts.

        "I needed air," lying came so naturally to the manipulator. The would-be-queen knew that she didn't need to lie to him. But it was easier than admitting to what had just transpired. "The gardens are quite beautiful at night. I don't know why you hadn't thought to bring me before."

        "I saw Lord Middleditch with you," he ignored her words. Arya bristled at that, but he continued before she could say anything. "You can't trust a word that man says. He's the closest thing to evil I know."

        "Careful, Galan," she refused to look at him. "You almost sound jealous."

        A sharp intake of breath came from him. Arya wanted to look back and see his expression but she did not allow herself to. It was none of her concern what Galan Ashryver thought of who wanted to know her.

        "I doubt I have anything to be jealous over," he said as he moved to sit beside her. "You have better taste than him."

        "You don't know me well enough to know that," Arya spoke softly, still refusing to catch his eye. She didn't want to see the grin on his face. Didn't want to see what the moonlight did to him. If it made Thomas look beautiful, she was certain that Galan would look ethereal. Those Ashryver eyes would surely be brighter than stars, his smile would look as though the gods themselves had blessed it. It was too much for her to take. "I nearly married Dorian Havilliard. That should tell you everything about my taste."

        She felt him stiffen beside her, his arm tense where it brushed against hers. She knew that it was not due to the muscle that had been built up by years upon years of training.

        "Then I know that you deserve better," his voice was soft. Barely a whisper. Goosebumps rose along her skin at the very tone of his voice. She hated it. Hated how she reacted to him.

        "You don't know what I deserve, Galan. You barely know me," she stood then, clenching her fists to avoid him seeing how her hands were shaking. She didn't want him to ever see her as weak. She didn't need that from him. "Don't pretend to know me. It will only lead to you being dreadfully disappointed."

        "Nothing you could ever do would disappoint me, Arya," he stood with her, taking her hand in his. She hated how it felt. His calloused hands were bigger than her own, rough and ready to fight at a moment's notice. Without his crown and the way he carried himself, one would never realize that he was a prince. She wished he was more like a prince. Like some pompous ass who she would sooner put a blade through than bed.

        "He asked me to marry him," Arya nearly winced when Galan's hold tightened. It did not hurt. It had just been unexpected. The look on his face, however, was not.

        Galan's easy smile had been replaced by a wounded look. Though his square jaw was set, his lips thinned, and the tendons in his neck were showing he did not appear to be angry. His eyes burned with a fire that told her the truth. He hated to think that anyone else would ask her for the time of day. But what right did he have? What right did any of them have to expect anything from her? 

        "Did you say yes?" She hated how his voice didn't break, hated how he could sound so solid despite his eyes betraying him. It made everything far too easy and yet also made it the hardest thing she'd ever done.

        "Yes," another lie. All she had ever done was lie to him. Their entire relationship was built on the fact that he couldn't trust her. That no one could trust her. "We'll leave for Kalthanen soon enough."

        Galan dropped her hand, staring straight ahead at the maze of roses. "Stay, Arya. You ... You should stay. At least until the season changes and it's safer to sail."

        Arya stared at him for a moment, shaking her head slightly. "I should go. It's growing late," her voice was strong despite the fact that she wanted it to break. She wanted to be able to show that she felt something. But she couldn't. She didn't. She'd been trained for years to avoid anyone ever seeing her. From anyone being able to touch her in a way she didn't like.

        She slipped away from him, avoiding her chambers and Calanon. She walked down corridors that were filled with laughing couples and sconces blazed with warm, friendly light. She passed them as though she were a ghost amongst them. She didn't want to be one of them. She had always wanted to be the one who rose above everyone. She wanted the power, the responsibility. She wanted to change the world. To protect Kalthanen from every bad thing that would ever happen to the island nation.

        Even if it meant selling her soul.

        Arya caught sight of Lord Middleditch as she passed by the ballroom. Her feet ached, her chest felt as though it was breaking, and she could barely keep standing. He, on the other hand, looked as fresh as a daisy. His smile was radiant, his laughter hollow as he drank from a golden goblet.

        She walked back into the ballroom, her chin held high and her back as straight as she could make it. She didn't care anymore. This whole mess with Galan needed to end. The looks they sent each other, the way she felt when he was around her. She couldn't handle him. Couldn't handle what she felt around him. That was why she needed to do the one thing she was sent for.

        "Lord Middleditch," the name fell from her lips as easily as a lie. They would, after all, be spending the rest of their lives lying to everyone. "Might I have a word with you?"

        "Of course, Your Highness," he gave her a small bow before he excused himself from his friends. Arya led him towards a small alcove that overlooked the high windows at the back of the room. Moonlight poured through them, giving the appearance of a sanctuary.

        "I've thought over your proposal," she knew it had been too fast. She knew she should have waited until the next day to speak with him. But Galan had left her flustered. She never wanted a man to leave her flustered again. She was supposed to be the one in control. She didn't care if Calanon was angered by not knowing of the plan. She didn't care what he did to her. Luna would take care of him if he became too much of a problem.

        "And?" Thomas looked at her curiously. His dark eyes were not just a dark color. They were black. She wondered if it was a warning sign of sorts. But she was beyond thinking clearly.

        "I accept," she didn't bother to smile at him. Didn't bother to pretend to be happy about their betrothal. It was business not pleasure. They both knew it. They could pretend for the rest of the world, but she would not pretend with him. It would be stupid to let him think she would ever care for him.

        As soon as he was no longer useful, he would cease to breathe.

        He lifted his goblet then, a grin on his lips. His teeth were straight, blindingly white. A sinking feeling filled her gut as he stared down at her. Had this been a good idea? Would she grow to regret it? Arya didn't allow herself to think of this. She wouldn't question her own choices. Not when there had been nothing else for her to do.

        "Long live the queen."

[thecleverdame]

Gods of Twilight - 15

Alpha!Werewolf!Sam x Human!Reader

Master List (posting schedule is there as well)

Summary: You marry Sam, The King of Lebanon, as part of an alliance between two lands. You soon discover that nothing is as it appears and that your husband is hiding a secret that may end your relationship before it can begin.

Warnings: smut, dub-con, canon-level violence, domestic discipline, spanking.  This chapter does contain some non-con elements.

Beta:  @ilikaicalie​

*This story is complete. All 27 chapters are available on Patreon. To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

-

Outside of your private moments together, Sam has always been rather gruff. But even those not in on his secret must know that something is amiss. He’s beyond irritable, yelling at the servants, sending back all his meals muttering about how nothing tastes right.

His rut is fast approaching, but you’re holding firm to your choice to stay with him.

-

“Deep breath in,” the midwife instructs, pressing on your stomach as you lie back on the bed. She palpates your belly, searching for some elusive marker of your fertility. “How often are you together?”

“Often,” you can’t help but grin. “Much more frequently than before.”

“You’re in good health. I have faith you’ll be with a child soon.” She smiles. “It takes longer for some.”

“Martha,” you whisper. There’s no one else in the room but what you’re about to ask is not a request you want one of your handmaids overhearing. They’re waiting in the hall with sharp ears. You know all too well from the gossip they disclose to you on a daily basis. They’re always listening. The servants are the breath and life of the castle, and any scrap of information spreads like wildfire. “I was once told of a concoction that midwives give to women during labor. A drink that helps to ease the pain.”

“Yes, I have my own recipe. Not to worry m’lady, when the time comes it will help.” She sits up, patting your hand.

“Well, I was wondering if you could bring the herbs to me now...today?” You try to remain nonchalant, but her interest is peaked as she sits back.

“Are you in pain, madam?” she inquires, looking toward the closed door. Discretion is vital to her position and she knows how to keep her mouth shut.

“I am not at the moment, but there are times when I am. There is something I need to do for my husband...that I need your help with.” You watch her eyes narrow as you struggle to explain yourself and in turn not make Sam look like some sort of monster. “It’s not what you imagine.”

“I don’t imagine anything. I make no assumptions, my queen. But if you’re experiencing pain when you’re with him, it could be a symptom of something more serious.”

You take a deep breath, trying in vain to hide your embarrassment.

“It’s hard to explain, exactly. But it’s not that I am sensitive in any way that’s abnormal. It’s just that my husband is very...large. And he has certain...demands that I find difficult. I expect him to become even more demanding in the coming days.”

Her eyes widen for a second, but if she’s truly shocked she doesn’t let it rattle her. She simply nods in agreement.

“Anything you need, I will supply. Give me a few hours to put together everything you’ll need.”

“I will need enough for several days,” you add.

She stills again, biting her tongue but confirming your request. “Then that’s what you shall have. I’ll send a messenger this afternoon.”

-

“I’ve asked you plenty of times brother and I’ll ask you again. Won’t you reconsider?”

“Why are you so dead set against me staying with my wife during my rut?” Sam looks to Dean, studying his brother.

“She is not one of us, can’t you see that?” Dean pleads for Sam to understand. “She’s a snake, Sam. Tell me you see it.”

“Stop.” Sam sits back in his chair, amused at the very notion. “Not this again.”

“A woman like that, with her beauty, doesn’t just give herself over for what she’s about to experience. Do you truly believe it’s by chance that you smelled her scent on a letter and then brought her here?”

“What is it that you think she’s up to?” Sam asks, his patience wearing thin. “Tell me. I’m listening. What great caper does she have planned? Will she scale the wall with the crown jewels tucked into her skirts?”

“Her greatest trick was convincing you that she’s harmless.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re wrong.” Sam purses his lips, ready for this conversation to be over.

“Was I wrong about Ruby?” Dean spits back and Sam goes rigid.

“Don’t start with me about Ruby.”

“Even after you knew what a snake she was you kept going back for more. Her affection for you is genuine but it’s tempered with insanity. Ruby was hungry for you, and your power, in equal measures.”

“But Y/N is not Ruby, not even close.”

“That is an unfounded statement. You don’t know anything about her. You married her on a whim and now she’s a human woman willing to withstand your rut. She’ll be the end of you.”

“You sound like father,” Sam retorts. He can’t help but be somewhat flummoxed, his brother is single-minded when it comes to you. “Is this the same nonsense you spouted to her at the cathedral that had her so upset?”

“Of course she came crying back to you. Anything to make her look like a victim.”

“No,” Sam shakes his head. “In fact, she wouldn’t tell me what you said. She kept your confidence even when I asked her to tell me.”

“She’s smart, brother. Intelligent and cunning. Mark my words, you’re going to regret this. What if you hurt her?”

“I won’t,” he shrugs. And he is as sure as he sounds, he’s taken all the necessary precautions. “Rupert mixed me a tincture to help keep me under control.”

“You were practically feral when you had me tie you up…”

“Of course I was. I was in the middle of a rut, unabated.”

“Well, you’ll have someone to fuck this time,” Dean hisses, pouring himself more wine.

“Dean, I need you to stop fixating on her. She’s a good woman and I care for her.”

“I know,” Dean nods, staring at the fire. “I’m just afraid we’re both going to see the day you regret that statement.

--

“Tonight?” You ask hesitantly, watching your husband pull his shirt over his head.

“By morning,” his eyes are locked on you, his muscles flexing as his body tightens, then releases. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes,” you affirm immediately.

The truth is you’ve never been more unsure of anything in your life. Dean’s words are knocking around in your head, but you trust Sam. He would never hurt you, and you believe in his ability to show restraint.

“Would you like to have me tonight?” you offer. His nostrils flare out, clearly excited by the idea. It’s a week since you’ve been together, he insisted on giving you a proper break.

“No, we should wait. This isn’t going to be easy for you.” He lifts his chin toward your side table. “The midwife brought the tea?” You nod in confirmation. “Drink it now. And have some prepared for later.”

“I will.” You pick up the mug, nearly choking on the bitter taste. “And you have your tincture?”

“Yes, I’ve already taken several doses,” he smiles, crawling into bed. “This will strengthen us. Bond us together, I can feel it in my bones. We’re meant to be together. Do you trust me?”

“Completely,” you assure him, closing your eyes as his forehead comes to rest against yours.  

-

Blinking awake in the dark of the room, all you can feel is an overwhelming heat and stickiness engulfing you. It’s suffocating as you grunt awake, only to find you can hardly move.

Sam is wrapped around you from behind, his hips moving in a steady rhythm, pushing his stiff cock into the small of your back over and over again. He’s sweating like a beast, so much so that you’re practically drowning in him.

“Sam,” you whisper reaching behind to grab at his hip. He groans in response, clearly still asleep. “Sam,” you call his name again, this time giving him a squeeze.

He rouses behind you, stilling for a moment before shoving his hand between your bodies to fist his cock.

“Are you ready for me?” he asks, nipping at the shell of your ear. He might be half asleep, but at the moment he’s running on pure primordial instinct.  

“Yes,” you hiss as he rolls you onto your back, sliding between your legs. He’s already naked and in a swift move so are you, as your nightdress is quickly discarded. There’s enough light to see his red-rimmed eyes, dark and deep as if he hasn’t slept in a week. His pallid, warm and clammy skin rubs against yours.

There’s no lead up to the deed, he just takes himself in his hand, blinking the sweat out of his eyes as he pushes his cock into your channel and slides inside until he can’t get any deeper. His belly is moving against yours as he finds a rhythm right from the start.

This doesn’t feel bad at all. If his rut is just this you’d have gladly offered yourself up long ago. The always challenging stretch of his cock fades into pleasure as the scratch of his pubic hair rubs against your bud with each stroke.

“You’re tight,” he mumbles, closing his eyes in concentration. “So good.”

His hot, open mouth finds yours, kissing you with each breath, tasting and teasing until you’re arching upward into his chest. One hand finds your breast, plucking at a sniff nipple until you’re whimpering into his mouth as his hips meet your inner thighs.

It’s quicker than normal, but you’re right there with him. Your orgasm crests, fluttering around his cock and moaning in delight until you are utterly limp, pinned in bed by the weight of his hips. It’s not long after he cums with a grunt, squeezing your breast in his hand as his knot pops wide and locks the two of you together.

You wish you would have been in unison. When the timing is just right, and you cum around his growing knot, it doesn’t hurt as much. But this isn’t unbearable, more uncomfortable than anything else.

“Are you alright?” he asks, his breath hot at your shoulder, burying his face into the pillow beside you.

“Yes,” you confirm, stroking fingertips up and down his back.

Gripping you tight, he rolls over, letting you lay on his chest. Two great hands cup each of your buttocks as he rolls his hips upward, letting his knot tug inside your tender sex.

“This feels so good,” he groans, allowing the width of him to push and pull, tucked deep. Lunging upward he drags his nose and open mouth along the juncture of your neck and shoulder, and his knot slides further inside and then fights to pull out.

It hurts, but you hold your tongue. You came into this knowing not everything would be enjoyable for you. This is about Sam, and you’re damned and determined to be everything he needs.

“I’m going to put my child in your belly,” he promises, his tongue licking a thick stripe from the hollow of your throat to up under your chin. “Watch you grow big and round with my pups. Do you want that?”

“Yes.” Stifling a cry as he nearly pulls his knot from your cunt with the sheer force of his hips. “Please, just wait,” you sputter, gripping both his biceps and holding on for dear life.

“Will you give me more than one?” He’s lost in his own fantasy now, unable to focus on anything you say. One hand curls lightly around your throat, fingers stroking before squeezing gently. “I’ll give you as many pups as you can bear. Watching you grow thick with my child again and again.”

He’s finally able to full free, his knot hasn’t gone down completely but that doesn’t stop him for promptly fucking you again as if he hasn’t just cum.

“Sam,” you groan, trying to get him to slow down, but it’s as if he can no longer hear you. His head is buried in your neck, mouth sucking at already bruised skin as he forces what’s left of his knot inside your throbbing cunt again and again.

By the time you take his knot for the second time, you’re crying. Fat tears roll down your temples as he forces himself inside you again and finds his completion. When he picks his head up to look at you his eyes are black. His pupils are so big all you can see is the dark abyss of his stare.

He doesn’t see you. He might see a woman that he has an urge to breed, but there is no you. You might as well be a soulless body, willing, open and taking his seed.

After enough time passes he pulls out and falls into a restless sleep for close to an hour.

During this time you take the opportunity to gulp down three mugs of the midwives concoction.

The third time happens quick and fast.

You’re unprepared as he throws you onto your stomach, yanking your hips into the hair and taking you from behind. He’s too deep like this and thrusting much too hard. You’re sure he’s going to break you.

‘Please,” you’re freely begging now. “Please, slow down. Sam, not so fast. Please.”

He simply grunts in response, the ability to speak seems to have deserted him and all that’s left is the shell of the man you naively entrusted not to hurt you.

Everything after a certain point becomes a blur.

The tea is doing very little for the pain but manages to completely subdue you, ensuring you're a prisoner in your own body. You want to scream and fight him. But all you can do is hope you don’t suffocate while you’re face down in the bed with his cock in your belly.

It’s unclear how long it’s been. Maybe only a few hours, but it feels like days. You haven’t opened your eyes for a long time now, afraid of what you’ll find.

The last coherent thought you have is of Dean’s warning. If you survive…

You should have listened.

Sam wanted you beyond reason and now he’s going to do something he’ll never be able to take back. Everything between your legs is in pain and on fire...and then you sink into a wonderful black abyss to be met with the relief of nothingness.

[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter 3)

A/n I CANNOT believe how many people have supported this story,, I’m so excited to continue it with you guys :)) 

Just a reminder that while this is based off the show i hope to blend in some book aspects/vibes and this is just a fanfic and it won’t be completely accurate/follow the show 100% and any changes I make/parts I chose not to focus on are for the sake of the story I’m trying to tell 

-- 

I can’t tell if I wish Kaz had let me go with Inej or not. She’s faster than I am, and considering that I have no real reason to be loyal to them, I’m a flight risk. That means I’m stuck here with only the Kaz Brekker and Jesper, who I tricked. I hadn’t exactly befriended Inej entirely in the few minutes I was alone with her, but she seemed more trustworthy than them. More susceptible to reason. And when she heard where I was from, who was responsible for raising me, something in the way she watched me changed. It was the oddest combination--a look of both tired sympathy and cautious admiration.

“What I don’t understand…” Jesper breaks the silence. “Is why you all go back there. He lets you leave, he gives you money--there’s no reason to return.” 

I try not to let the question anger me. I shift awkwardly, scratching at my palm. “We tried leaving.” My stomach knots. “Once.” How do I make them understand? “He caught us because we young and stupid, and then he…” I exhale slowly. They’re just words. They don’t change anything. Whether I speak them or not, the events of my history aren’t different. “He picked the youngest, a girl only six months younger than me, and he slit her throat from ear to ear and took a finger of anyone that flinched as her blood splattered onto them. He said her blood was our penance and to live with knowing what we did to her would be our punishment.” 

I don’t tell them that I was twelve. I don’t tell them Anya lied about my birthday on the records. I don’t tell them I’m missing the very tip of my pinky--a small punishment for the twitch of my lip. “When Kenya is truly angry, he never hurts you--he hurts those around you.” No one responds to that. They’re making me seem like such a bummer. “It’s not awful all the time...he borders on agreeable when you listen to him.” 

Most days we have peace, left to our own devices as long as we accomplish certain goals. Their silence does little to unnerve me. After speaking so freely of such a nightmare, the desire to be rid of the taste of those words from my mouth is almost overwhelming, but I hold to the silence. 

“Why has he never sold you to the grisha that are so desperate for you?”

Of course Kaz Brekker would ask a question like that. “He isn’t the business of money, he’s in the business of creating gods. He indentures people he thinks could one day become saints or something else entirely. He wants to be owed by the heavens.” 

I watch Kaz carefully, a part of me curious about how someone like him could react to a goal like that. I can see him understanding the ambition of it all, but I can’t imagine himself a person of faith. Perhaps he’ll think it a clever trick. Perhaps he’ll even agree with Kenya.

He nods once; something I get nothing from. 

Whatever. He can be coy and distant this entire time. They all can. I’ll be out of here soon enough, and I’ll find Anya. And if I can stop something bad from happening to Alina then that’s a bonus I’m willing to take risks for. 

“That man is awful.” 

Inej’s voice comes from right behind me. I snap my head around. “You’re in here.” 

She nods once, oblivious to how shocking her sudden appearance is. She hands me a knapsack casually, staring at Kaz. “What’s the plan? We have six hours.” 

I look around the room, only seeing one closed window and one closed door. “There’s one door in this room.” 

“We take the Inferni to the ship.” He doesn’t even bother looking in my direction. 

Okay, they can be mean to be all they want but they can’t ignore me. I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored in my entire life. Gods in the making get attention. It may be the cruel attention of fate, but it’s something. 

“Did she come in through the window?” 

Again, I am ignored. 

“And then what, boss?” Jesper casually crosses the room, sitting down next to me on the small couch. It’s like I’m not even here. “We’d need to break into the Little Palace to get Alina.” 

What? “You guys are going to--” No. No. I am not kidnapping Alina. And there’s no way she’d be in the Little Palace. “First off--if you want to kidnap Alina Starkov for whatever insane ploy you’re all playing at, you’d never find her at Little Palace. She’s not a Grisha and second--” I cut myself off, standing from my seat. “Why am I even telling you this? I shouldn’t be helping you kidnap her.” 

Kaz’s eyes dart to me boredly. At least it’s some kind of acknowledgement of my existence. “I thought you two weren’t close.” 

I seriously consider scorching him. Just a little. Not even enough to scar him, just enough to get him to shut up. “She’s still a person who has a right to her body and what happens to it.” 

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but if we pull this off we get one million kruge.” 

What does he think I’m going to say? ‘Okay, well as long as you’re doing it for a good reason.’ Is that the response he expects. “Okay, well that makes it fair.” 

His eyes narrow skeptically, but Jesper is the one to ask, “Really?” 

“No,” I scoff, slumping back into my seat, “I was being sarcastic.” 

I drop my head back, neck craning over the back of the small couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it makes it easier to ignore them. I’ve kept worse company for less. There’s an odd silence for a long second. I look forward without moving, I see Kaz vaguely gesture in Inej’s direction.

“Y/n,” Inej’s voice is refreshingly measured, “I think after the kinds of things we’ve gone through we understand that there’s some relativity in morality.” 

I shift my head to the right so I can look at her. “...Yes, but you’re just forcing another girl into a similar situation.” Why is Alina even worth so much? “And why would anyone pay so much for Alina?” 

Inej hesitates, glancing at Kaz and then back at me. “She’s a Sun Summoner.” 

On instinct, I straighten entirely, my body rigid. They’re insane. “You all are cracked if you think Alina’s a Sun Summoner.” No. No. It couldn’t be her. “Bless your hearts, seriously, she’s--she was trained to be a map maker--she’s not…” None of them relax, none of them shift in any way. What good would lying about this bring them? They have no reason to lie about this. “Saints, I should have had more to drink while downstairs.” 

So what if she’s a Sun Summoner? She didn’t ask to be one. She doesn’t deserve this. I cross my arms. “It doesn’t make this okay.” 

“And would it make it okay if you were getting a cut of the profit?” What? 

Kaz is looking at me in that tactful way. It takes all of my focus to not let myself become unnerved. “What?” 

“If I offered you a cut, would you be able to push aside more protests in order to make working with you easier?” 

Could I do it? Could I betray Alina? I drop my gaze away from his, opting to focus on the forgotten lantern on the coffee table in front of me. It flickers to life with no conscious prompting on my part. The flame is low and blue. Still though, Kaz notices it. What doesn’t he notice? 

“I can help you do what I agreed to.” I swallow around a lump in my throat, “But I cannot help you kidnap Alina.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs downwards. “We’re just going to get her to work with us.” 

“Work with you?” 

“We never said anything about taking her, and if Alina is really your friend you should know that the entire world is after her. Better us who can get her out of an unwanted situation quickly than the brutal General Kirigan who will hold her hostage until she does what he wants.” 

...I guess he has a point. “Oh.” I’m not naive enough to think that their methods will revolve around making Alina comfortable, but perhaps it’s not as dark as I assumed. “Maybe I was a little quick to assume…” I trail off awkwardly, looking at Inej for some type of reassurance. She avoids my gaze. 

I scratch the back of my arm, feeling like a spiraling child. I pick up my knapsack and place it on my lap, fiddling with the strap. 

“Come on,” Kaz stands, adjusting his grip on his cane, “We only have until sunrise.” 

As I stand, I pull down the skirt of my dress, suddenly aware of how inappropriate my clothing is for this late in the night. “Can--can I change first?” 

It’s a sheepish question, leaving me feeling like a child. 

“Five minutes,” Kaz offers, stepping out of the room with the rest of them. 

Inej leaves last, feet more silent than a cat. She offers me the tiniest hint of a smile. Despite my reservations, I beam at her. Something about me finds her politeness endearing despite it all. I think she closes the door loudly on purpose, to assure me of privacy. 

Normally changing in a building so full of drunk men would leave me nervous, but knowing Inej is outside leaves me feeling safe. I may not trust her with my life but something about her being tells me she values personal autonomy enough to protect it. 

I sift through the belongings Inej brought me. Clean underwear I try not think of her searching for, a thin white dress, comfortable pants, shorts, a few casual shirts, my red hood, and a nightgown. When I get to the bottom of the bag, and I see the personal belongings Inej smuggled back for me, I’m moved so powerfully my hand flies to my mouth on instinct. She had brought the folded up piece of paper with the only information I’ve been able to find about Kamil, the book I left on my nightstand, the small candle holder Alina had given me the day before I was taken away, the blade Mal had given me the day I left, the deck of playing cards Anya had first taught me to play with, and my mother’s necklace. The silver north star on a long chain. 

Before I can become too emotional, I take off the Crow’s Club T-shirt Inej had given me when I looked cold. I change into black pants, tucking the small blade Mal had given me into the pocket. The shirt I put on is pale blue, breaking the dark theme of everything around me. I fasten my red hood over my shoulders, basking in the familiar fabric. Lastly, I pull the north star necklace over my head, watching the blue orb with a black dot at its center blink at me in the light. I always found the stone at the pendant’s center odd. I'm quick to walk towards the door, nervous about what wasting their time could mean. 

“Let’s do this,” I sigh, pushing open the door. 

They all pause. Or maybe they were never moving. I try to imagine them interacting normally, but it’s hard to picture them as anything but intense and unflinching. There’s something odd about them, though, Jesper practically sulking and Kaz dropping his head despite Inej’s harsh stare.

“What kind of stone is in your necklace?” 

I swear to the Saints that if Kaz Brekker tries to steal it I’ll melt those leather gloves into his hands. “Try to take it and--” 

“That’s what I get for trying to make ‘polite conversation.’” He throws a look at Inej as he speaks the last two words. 

Wait--did Inej tell him to try to make polite conversation? Wait--more importantly, did he just kind of, almost say something that borders on casual? 

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a slight sigh. “Sorry.” 

His eyebrows draw together quizzically. “Did you just apologize for assuming I’d steal from you?” 

Great. Now I’m fully embarrassed. “Can we just go?” 

“Not before meeting me, I hope.” The stranger’s voice means nothing to me, but the others tense at it immediately. What? The man continues to walk forward, his steps too casual and confident for me to trust. The stranger is quick to respond to the question on my face, “Pekka Rollins.” 

--

Taglist: @ambrosia-v-black @fandomstuffff @boxofteenageideas @losers-club6 @cityofstaars @stillreadingfantasy @slatersbrekker  @xoxo-aclown @alzawas-plug @nuwanda-greaser @swearingsolemnly @-thatgirloverthere-

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7

[myaekingheart]

121. The Double Date

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3 index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

              The one thing Rei hated more than social situations was people who remembered halfhearted invititations to social situations. Unfortunately, on a Friday night, such was the case. Apparently Mikazuki had taken her careless offer for barbecue to heart. So now here Rei was in a dress that was all too tight for her comfort sitting in Yakiniku Q forced to smile and laugh over sake on the worst thing imaginable: a double date.

              “Come on, everything is going to be fine” Kakashi reassured her as she got ready. She turned to glare at him and the tip of her lipstick smeared across her cheek, a sharp red line like a warning. Kakashi smiled sheepishly, reaching for a tissue and tenderly wiping her face clean. “Really, Rei, there’s nothing to worry about” he assured her. “It’s just four friends going out for food. That’s all.”

              “That’s not all, Kakashi” Rei muttered. She capped her lipstick and raked her fingers through her tangled hair. “Anything can happen when four friends go out for food.” Truthfully, she wasn’t even sure if Tenzo and Mikazuki qualified as friends. Her and Tenzo didn’t know each other well enough. Mikazuki was kind and familiar but also strange and sometimes even suspicious. It was that same suspicion that was taking root in her stomach right now.

              “It didn’t seem to be a problem on your birthday” Kakashi reminded her. “That was four friends going out for food.”

              Shaking her head, Rei turned to color-correct the red splotch on her cheek in the mirror. “Yeah, but that was Guy and Sekkachi. That’s different. They’re practically family.”

              “Then this should be a good change of pace” Kakashi mused.

               Rei scoffed and shook her head. “You don’t know me very well, do you, Kakashi?” she jested. A sigh broke past her lips as she attempted to gather her fluffy hair up into the signature ponytail. “Maybe we should just call the whole thing off. Tell them we’ll do this some other time. For what it’s worth, I didn’t even mean it when I invited them to dinner.”

“But they took it seriously” Kakashi continued. “We’re supposed to meet them in less than a half an hour. It’s a little too late to back out now, don’t you think?”  

               Rei glanced to the clock and knew that her fiancé was right. She fastened her ponytail tightly at the crown and muttered, “At least there should be plenty of alcohol.” Heaven only knew she was going to need it.

               Yakiniku Q seemed quiet for a Friday night. The usual drunkards huddled around the bar mumbling inaudible nonsense to one another but the dining tables stood fairly empty. The sight of it only further heightened the eerie paranoia pulsing through Rei’s veins. Where were all the people? A clap of thunder roared in the distance, the sky overhead threatening rain. Rei squeezed Kakashi’s hand a little tighter.

               Mikazuki and Tenzo had already stolen a table at the back of the restaurant, chatting quietly with one another between sips of sake. A rising feeling struck Rei’s chest at the sight of them, a red flag urging her to run. Anxiety and embarrassment firmly rooted themselves in the pit of her stomach, overwhelming her with each step nearer.

               Kakashi and Rei settled in side by side at the other end of the table. Kakashi eyed her curiously as she sucked in her gut and shimmied her skirt down her thighs in an effort to get comfortable. In the back of her mind, Rei cursed herself for choosing something she had evidently outgrown—a dress that Naru had picked from the Kawakubo dress shop so many years ago. It had been so long since Rei had gone out on a Friday night, she thought it was only appropriate to dress for the occasion. As she stared at her bland closet, she tried to envision what Naru would choose. Unfortunately, Naru’s tastes were five years outdated for Rei’s body. Her stomach squeezed tight against the fabric and her breasts were borderline spilling out of the already low-cut neckline. Mikazuki shot her a cautious glance as she took another sip of her sake. The tension mounted.

               “So, congratulations on making captain” Tenzo commented, but it was clear that he was distracted. Rei shifted as she willed his line of sight to rise. Kakashi regretted not bringing her a jacket. “It’s definitely, a, uh…” Tenzo stammered. “A big endowment.”

               Mikazuki’s face turned bright red, a pathetic yelp escaping her lips. She dropped her eyes and took an anxious sip of her sake. “I’m sure you’re very proud” she murmured.

               Tenzo spluttered, stumbling over the words he couldn’t form in his mouth, as he met Kakashi’s brief but warning gaze. Truthfully, Kakashi didn’t understand why Rei felt obligated to squeeze herself into something so small and risqué in the first place. Her nervous laughter, the way she shifted in her seat, only further emphasized her anxiety. Kakashi took her hand under the table and gave it a tight squeeze, a sign of solidarity, a prayer to calm down. When words failed him, Tenzo sighed in defeat and took a long, desperate swig of his drink.

               A painful stretch of silence passed between the four of them, interrupted only by the sizzle of beef on the grill and clink of ice in their glasses. I knew this was a bad idea, Rei thought to herself. She peered out the window to the hazy street below, watching passerby rush into the nearest shops to beat the rain. The bellows of drunks at the bar blurred into an incomprehensible white noise. Raindrops raced each other against the glass. Streelights flickered in the distance.

               When Mikazuki finally broke the silence, Rei initially did not hear her. It wasn’t until Kakashi tapped her shoulder lightly that Rei snapped out of her daze. She had no idea how much time had passed but it somehow simultaneously felt fleeting and eternal.

               “I just said h-how are the new recruits?” Mikazuki repeated. The uncertainty in her voice, the restraint, made it clear that she regretted having to ask again. That a part of her had hoped that they could just sweep her inquiry under the rug, forget she had ever said anything.

               “Fine” Rei croaked in response. Her vision refused to refocus. “Th-they’re fine.” She cleared her throat, readjusted her dress yet again. Her skirt kept riding up as if hellbent on flashing everyone. She glanced down at her thighs and suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Her gaze snapped back up to the beef grilling in the center of the table, to Mikazuki sliding strips onto her plate, to the smell and the texture and the color and the flames. Rei pinched the skin of her thigh between thumb and forefinger, focusing on the sting of her nails, tried not to linger on thoughts of flesh. “They’ll need a lot of work but they have potential” she added.

               Tenzo chuckled as he poured himself another drink. “Well, if that one kid of yours is any indication, you certainly have your hands full” he commented. Rei arched a brow. Truthfully, they were all going to be handfuls. Squinting, Tenzo thumbed through the index of names and faces in his brain. A few moments passed before he finally mused, “Sukui, I think his name was?”

               “Oh. Him” Rei sighed. She could only imagine what Sukui Yukio must be like in the men’s locker room. But then the thought of the men’s locker room at all—sweaty men, barbaric men, naked men—caused her stomach to lurch yet again.

               “Yeah” Tenzo laughed. “He’s a real exhibitionist in the locker room. If I have to hear him mention his resemblance to—”

               “Keihaku Goman, I know” Rei interrupted, shaking her head. She lifted her glass to her lips, took a delicate sip. The sake burned her throat but in a good way. In a numbing way.

               Blank and confused, Mikazuki searched their faces for a hint before quietly asking, “W-Who’s Keihaku Goman?” She tried to remain composed but with every passing moment, she was beginning to feel more and more outcasted in the conversation.

               “He was the main actor in the Icha Icha film adaptation” Kakashi explained. “At least until he got fired and recast for Makeout Violence.”

               “Oh…” Mikazuki gave a minute nod, taking another sip of her drink.

               Rei took a long swig of her own, reveling in the warmth radiating through her body. She felt like a tiny little flame growing ever stronger, ever more invincible to the rushing rain surrounding. The knot in her stomach began to loosen. “I’m sure with time they’ll get better, but their teamwork needs a lot of improvement” she continued.

               “Well, you’ve certainly learned from the best” Tenzo mused, motioning to Kakashi. His arm swayed as if the hinges in his shoulder were coming undone. He lifted his drink almost as if in salute before finishing off his second glass.

               Kakashi shook his head, swatting at the air dismissively. “I didn’t come here to be praised” he remarked. Though his voice was stern and steady, there was an undertone of humble delight in his words. He wrapped an arm gently around Rei’s waist as he added, “I’m sure Rei will be a far better captain than I ever was.”

               Rei blushed and shook her head, swirling the sake in her glass. “I didn’t come here to be praised, either” she countered. “This is a learning experience for me, too.”

                “Have a little more faith in your abilities, Rei” Kakashi replied. “Everything will fall into place eventually.”

               Mikazuki nodded in agreement. “Remember when we first joined the ANBU? Things felt so chaotic and intense but with time, we got used to things. And now you’re a captain.”

               “I hope you’re right” Rei sighed, taking another sip of her drink. “Because right now, it feels a whole hell of a lot like wrangling cattle.”

               “Or babysitting” Tenzo offered.

               Rei laughed softly as she nodded in agreement. “I’m just glad I don’t have to do it all on my own” she replied. “Yugao has been a great help so far.”

               “I’m sure” Mikazuki said softly. On her face was a smile that was both polite but forced. Generous. Tense. Rei tried to brush it off as she drained her glass and poured herself another. Mikazuki took a delicate bite of her beef then as she added, “It’s certainly a big responsibility. You’re practically in charge of everything. Do you even have time to sleep? Your complexion looks awful.”

               Rei sucked her teeth as she carelessly threw a few strips of beef onto the grill herself. Truthfully, though, she wasn’t very hungry. “I sleep…” she muttered in offense. “Balancing work and our personal lives has gotten a little bit tougher and we’ve had to make some sacrifices but, I mean, that’s life. There’s nothing we can really do about it.” Kakashi was taken by the sharp undercurrent in her voice and his heart ached for her. He knew exactly what she was referring to.

               “Tell me about it!” Tenzo exclaimed. He tilted the bottle of sake against the rim of his glass but when nothing poured out, he paused, squinted, shook the bottle, peered inside, then shrugged in defeat and tossed it over his shoulder. The bottle shattered with a crash behind him. Kakashi winced. “I mean, being in the ANBU at all is overbearing enough. Mikazuki and I barely get to spend time together as it is! I can only imagine how much less free time you have as a captain.” A waitress passed by their table, quizzically trying to decipher the origin of the bottle behind their booth. Tenzo stretched himself across the table and flagged her down, dutifully requesting another bottle of sake for the group. The waitress glanced to the others as if searching for their approval before giving a single nod and scurrying back to the kitchen. Satisfied, Tenzo flopped back into his seat and continued. “You know, I’ll admit, I was a little disappointed when I didn’t make captain! Spent my whole life in the ANBU and this is how they treat me? I think I deserve a little recognition, you know? But the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized everything I’d be giving up. After all, I need the free time to…sit. And exist. Like a tree! Like a big, beautiful tree! Rei, I don’t envy you one bit.”

               Rei forced a polite, panicked smile. “Well, uh, thanks for that, Tenzo” she muttered. Kakashi leaned forward and slid some freshly cooked beef onto a plate for the both of them, encouraging Rei to take a bite but she simply shook her head and took another sip of her drink. “I’m not really hungry” she whispered.

               The moment the waitress turned the corner, Tenzo’s eyes lit up and he reached across the table for the bottle of booze. He poured himself another glass sloppily, spilling sake around the immediate area. “You know, this is nice!” he exclaimed. “We should go out like this more often. If only Mikazuki and I could find the time!” Turning to his girlfriend then, he drunkenly pondered, “When was the last time we even went on a date? February? It’s like we never have time for each other anymore! What is that about?!”

               “T-Tenzo, please…” Mikazuki whispered. They were beginning to attract attention. She took an anxious sip of her drink as she glanced apologetically to the patrons eyeing their table. Never before had she so strongly wished to be invisible.

               “You know” Tenzo continued loudly, “How you two are managing to plan a wedding with all of this, I will never understand! Can you even plan a wedding with work like this? Is that even possible?” He chuckled to himself then as he gazed at his sake longingly. “If you ask me, I bet it’d be so much easier to just elope! What do you think, Mikazuki? Do you think we should elope?”

               Mikazuki yelped in shock at the prospect. “T-Tenzo!” she exclaimed, burying her face in her hands. “Please, restrain yourself!”

               Clearing her throat, Rei replied curtly, “We’re, uh, we’re making it work.”

               In a show of great enthusiasm, Tenzo slammed his fist against the table and wailed, “I’m just so happy for you guys!” His eyes teared up momentarily but Rei was unsure whether it was due to his overwhelming emotion or if he was simply too drunk to function. “You’ll invite us to the wedding, right? I mean, we’ll have to check our calendar, obviously”—here, he drunkenly smirked at his girlfriend as if their conflicting schedules were an inside joke they were both in on—“but how could I miss the wedding of the century? Kakashi Hatake, renowned ninja, getting married!”

               Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

               Rei hummed in agreement as she brought her glass up to her lips. Just as she was mid-sip, however, Tenzo blurted out, “When are you guys going to have kids?!” and Rei immediately spluttered her sake across the table, coughing and gasping for breath.

               “I-I’m sorry, what?” she croaked. She glanced to Mikazuki who sat there stone-still and mortified. Her cheeks burned bright red.

               “Kids!” Tenzo repeated. “You know, babies!” He sighed and rested his head on the table, whining, “Kakashi would make such a great dad.”

               “I-I don’t know about that” Kakashi replied anxiously. Now he was the one feeling uneasy. He glanced to Rei, searching her face for signs of the inner turmoil he was sure was spiralling in the pit of her stomach now.

               Shaking his head, Tenzo insisted, “No, he really would! I mean it!” He turned to Mikazuki with bloodshot eyes and added, “It’s like he was made to make babies! You know?” With a groan, he dropped his face onto the tabletop and muffled, “I bet you guys would have so many babies.”

               Nervous laughter broke past Rei’s lips as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Let’s just, uh…take one thing at a time.”

               Tenzo laughed as if something about that was funny, hoisting his head up off the table. As he did so, his eyes landed on the karaoke machine at the other end of the restaurant and once again, his eyes lit up. “Hey, look, the mic’s open!” he exclaimed. Before any of the others could react, he catapulted over Mikazuki in the booth and stumbled toward the modest little stage. With each step, he willed himself to move faster, faster, faster as if the mic was at risk of being snatched up by someone else.

               “Is he always this eager?” Rei asked, wide eyes watching Tenzo trip over the wires as he clutched the microphone tightly.

               “Whenever sake is involved, apparently” Mikazuki sighed.

               Chuckling, Kakashi turned to his fiancée and mused, “Remind me not to let Tenzo drink at our wedding.” Rei shook her head and nestled herself warmly against Kakashi. In the back of her mind, she wondered at what point in the night it would be reasonable to leave.

               The karaoke machine switched on with an electric whir. Bright neon visuals pulsed on the screen behind him as he scrutinized his options. A static suspense hung in the air as he flipped through the song list until finally, he made his choice. The upbeat intro of none other than “Build Me Up, Buttercup” blared through the speakers. He made eye contact with Mikazuki as he belted out a verse about being let down by a lover, passionate and out of tune. Mikazuki’s face grew even redder as she sunk down in the booth. The other patrons in the restaurant seemed to pay no mind to her and for that, she was grateful.

               “You know, he’s not half bad” Kakashi commented, tapping his fingers rhymically against the table.

               Rei snorted and tilted her head back so as to better view him. “I didn’t realize you were deaf.”

               Kakashi clinked the ice in his glass and replied, “It sounds better after a few drinks.” The irony was that he was hardly even drinking at all.

               By the time Tenzo reached the chorus, Mikazuki had finally cracked. She excused herself and hurried to the bathroom, weaving through the crowd that had formed up and down the walkways of the restaurant. “How much do you want to bet she’s going to escape through the bathroom window?” Rei joked.

               Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t think she’d do that.”

               “You never know” Rei replied. “After a night like this, I’d be desperate for the nearest exit.” And deep down, she had to admit that she was.

               “We’ll leave soon” Kakashi assured her. “After all, you have work in the morning, anyway, don’t you?”

               Rei scoffed. “We all do.” She wouldn’t be surprised if Tenzo called out sick the next day. Heaven only knew he was going to be nursing a monstrous hangover. As the chorus swelled, Tenzo clenched his fist in a moment of power ballad passion and swayed his hips to the tune. The mic screeched but he didn’t seem to notice.

               “I didn’t know he could get his voice that high” Rei laughed.

               “I didn’t want to know he could get his voice that high” Kakashi replied. In the privacy of their little booth, he tugged his mask down to take a discrete bite of food before holding out a piece to Rei but yet again she shook her head. “Are you sure you’re not hungry?” he asked.

               “Yeah, positive” Rei replied. She kept her eyes locked on Tenzo’s performance in an effort to avoid Kakashi’s scrutinizing gaze.

               “You really should eat something” Kakashi urged.

               “In this dress?” Rei laughed. “I’ll bust open like a can of biscuits. I’ll just grab a snack when I get home. Besides, I’m not really a huge fan of beef tongue.” Kakashi pursed his lips, displeased but not willing to fight with her on the matter. If she wasn’t hungry then she wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t going to force food down her throat. He only hoped she’d stick to her word about eating at home.

               As the song faded out, Mikazuki slipped out of the bathroom and crawled back into her seat. Tenzo rushed to the table, his adrenaline rushing and a massive grin on his face. “Do you think they’d be pissed if I sang another song?” he asked. Before anyone could answer, he swatted at the air and exclaimed, “Ah, fuck it! I’m gonna go again! But first, refreshments!” He reached across the table for his glass and the bottle of sake, smirking confidently as he attempted to pour himself another glass. He had grossly miscalculated his aim, however, and spilled alcohol right into the tabletop grill. The flames flared with a roar of heat, licking at the ceiling maliciously. Tenzo immediately jumped back, dropping both his glass and the bottle, and releasing a clipped shriek.

               Fuck. Rei immediately leapt to her feet before the flames could caress her cheek, but their heat was enough to make her lightheaded. Kakashi pulled her back as an extra precaution, holding fast in defense. Channeling all of her chakra into her mouth, Rei shot a sharp jet of water at the flame, effectively extinguishing it in a matter of moments. It was quick thinking like that, she supposed, that got her promoted to captain in the first place.

               The door to the kitchens burst open as the restaurant owner came running to their table, shrieking profanities at them about burning down his dining room. Kakashi quickly dug in his pocket for some cash, slamming it on the table, before grabbing Tenzo by the arm and ushering the four of them out into the night air.

               “I guess we’ll have to cross Yakiniku off the list of available places to eat” Rei huffed once outside. She smoothed her bangs back as she attempted to catch her breath.

               “Unfortunately” Mikazuki sighed. She toed the dirt and muttered, “Their food wasn’t that great, anyway.”

               Tenzo bellowed from the street about how he’d be back for an encore next week before spinning on his heel and accidentally walking straight into a wall. “Do you think he’ll be alright?” Kakashi asked, glancing to Mikazuki.

               Shaking her head, Mikazuki replied, “I better walk him home just to make sure.” She readjusted her purse on her shoulder as she approached her boyfriend, taking his forearm gently and guiding him in the direction of his apartment. Kakashi and Rei waited until they turned the corner before glancing to one another with stifled laughter. If there was ever a reason as to why they never went out, this would be it. And to think, a disaster like this could’ve been easily avoided if they just hadn’t bothered with trying to be social. Chuckling in disbelief, Kakashi wrapped an arm around his fiancée and together they returned home.

               The following morning, Rei stood in front of the full-length mirror in the ANBU locker rooms as she changed into her uniform. She pinched at her belly fat and poked at her thick thighs. If anything, this is just proof I need to go on a diet, she thought to herself. She couldn’t even comprehend how she had gained so much weight in the first place. Getting back in shape was going to be a hassle that she was not looking forward to facing. It was bad enough that the previous night had taken a far greater toll on her than she expected. She slept through three alarms and was forced to skip breakfast. She may have outgrown her dress, but her bad habits were evidently one size fits all. Groaning, Rei pressed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets and fell back onto the nearest bench.

               “Rough night?” a voice then asked. Rei peered up through the gaps between her fingers to find none other than Arai looming over her. A smug grin painted her face.

               “Why are you always in my business?” Rei asked, sitting up. “Don’t you have anything better to do than stalk me?”

               “I’m not stalking you” Arai countered. “If I was, I would’ve already known why you were so damn tired.”

               Rolling her eyes, Rei muttered, “Fair point.” She strained her arm so as to scratch her upper back and yawned widely, feeling pathetic. Not as pathetic, however, as Mikazuki. As Rei opened her eyes, she caught sight of the doe-eyed ninja skirting around the wall of lockers, a wad of dirty civilian clothes clutched close to her chest. Without even bidding Arai a simple see you later, Rei slid into Mikazuki’s path with a devilish grin. “So, how about Tenzo, huh?” she asked, raising a brow.

               Mikazuki yelped in surprise, tossing her clothes in the process. Pastel tunics and cotton leggings cascaded to the dirty tile floor. “W-w-what about him?” she stammered.

               “Oh, nothing” Rei replied, shrugging. “I just didn’t know he was such a party animal.”

               Sighing, Mikazuki dropped to her knees and began gathering up her clothes. “He puked in a bush on the way home and I had to crash on his couch to make sure nothing happened in the middle of the night” she explained quietly, eyes downcast and embarrassed. She rubbed the tension out of her neck with a soft whimper, proving that perhaps Tenzo’s furniture was not the comfiest.

               The one thing that stood out to Rei, however, was that Mikazuki slept on the couch. Her and Tenzo had been dating for quite some time now. Wouldn’t it have made more sense for her to sleep in his bed with him? For a moment, Rei was suddenly struck with the horrifying possibility that Mikazuki truly was as virginal as she appeared to be. But no, that couldn’t have been the case. There had to be another explanation. Maybe it was simply more convenient to give Tenzo space while he was sick. Maybe Mikazuki didn’t want to impose, or for Tenzo to get the wrong idea while under the influence. Rei was sure there were scores of valid explanations but she supposed she had just grown so accustomed to her very intimate relationship with Kakashi that none of them seemed to make any real sense.

               “Sounds like quite a party” Arai interrupted from across the room. “If you ask me, it’s no fun unless someone barfs their brains out.”

               “That’s disgusting” Rei cringed. Arai shrugged, seeing no fault in her comment, before skirting around to help scoop up the rest of Mikazuki’s clothes. Mikazuki thanked her quietly before scurrying off to drop her laundry in the bin. Before any more could be said, the dull alarm in headquarters sounded to signify the start of the morning briefing. For once, Rei was grateful for the interruption.

               She skirted around the crowds to find her team, rambunctious as always for an early morning shift. As she took her seat, she briefly scanned the room. It came as no surprise that Tenzo was nowhere to be seen.  

[quickspinner]

My Heart Like a Firework Part 2

@livrever said: What about Luka drives through a puddle splashing/soaking Marinette and he stops to apologize/takes her home to change 

@justknitstuff said: Luka works in a music store and Marinette ducks into his shop to escape a downpour of rain, they start talking and while he’s showing her around to pass the time she starts getting hit with inspiration for guitar string jewelry 

Here’s part 2! Part 1 is here. Also, can I just say, mwah, I love you all. I packed as much fluff as I could in here.

Marinette was picking her sketchbook back up when there was a sudden twang and Luka yelped. She jumped, dropping her book, and turned wide eyes on him and he grinned back, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry. Popped a string,” he said. “Surprised me.”

Marinette giggled. “I didn’t know that could happen.”

“It can happen if your strings are worn out. Or if there’s something sharp on the guitar where the string’s rubbing, but mine are just old.” Luka shrugged. “I’m a bit later than usual replacing mine because I’ve been busy, so it’s not really a surprise.” He carried the guitar over to the counter, and then went to one of the displays. Thumbing through the packets hanging there, he selected one. “I guess I might as well heed the warning and replace all of them.”

Marinette slid down from her perch to come over and lean on the counter near him, watching with interest as Luka took the old strings off. He moved with confidence and efficiency, and she found herself watching his hands. He laid the old strings aside on the counter as they came free. “May I?” she asked, touching one of the old strings.

“Be my guest.” Luka smiled absently as he began putting the new strings on. Marinette watched him for a moment, feeling more able to look at him now that his rather intense gaze was focused elsewhere. The shaggy blue-tipped hairstyle suited him, kept him from being too sharp with his strong nose and cheekbones and pointed chin. The wide bracelets he wore accentuated the muscles of his forearms. She glanced at his shoulders for only a second before looking away with a blush. She’d gotten more than an eyeful of his bare back earlier, after all. His build might tend towards long and lean rather than broad and bulky but he was plenty athletic.

Luka didn’t look up from what he was doing, but Marinette caught the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and was suddenly mortifyingly certain he knew she was checking him out. Blushing, she turned her attention to the discarded guitar strings. Well, she reflected with a little smile of her own, after the way he’d looked at her when she’d finished changing, maybe she didn’t have to be too embarrassed.

Marinette picked up the strings, examining the different thicknesses. An idea began to brew in the back of her mind as she twisted a couple of the strings together thoughtfully. Marinette grabbed her sketchbook and opened it, laying the strings across it as she began to sketch different woven patterns, using different colored pencils to represent the different strands.

“Could you do an infinity knot?”

Marinette gasped and jumped so high that she nearly lost her balance. Luka reached across the counter and grabbed her upper arms to steady her.

“Woah! Sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were quite that in the zone.”

“Oh,” Marinette sighed, putting a hand over her fluttering heart. “I’m sorry, I was—”

“Obviously,” Luka chuckled. “And I’m the one who’s sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted you. I just saw what you were doing and I got really interested, and—well, my mom’s Scottish, and what you were doing makes me think of some of the Celtic jewelry she wears.”

“Of course,” Marinette said, tapping her pencil thoughtfully. She turned the page and picked up her phone. “Let me find some references.”

Luka pulled out his own phone and found some pictures of his mother.

“She looks like a fun lady,” Marinette giggled as he zoomed in on one of her bracelets.

“She’s a character,” Luka grinned. “I think you’d like her. She’d definitely like you,” he added absently, laying the phone on the counter and turning it so Marinette could see.

Unexpectedly flustered by that comment, Marinette put her own phone next to his with the examples of knotwork she’d found. For a moment they were silent as Marinette sketched. She glanced up at Luka once, and he immediately straightened. “Sorry, am I bothering you? I can find something else to do if you’d rather I didn’t watch.”

“It’s fine,” Marinette said, smiling at his thoughtfulness, “But you’re blocking the light.”

“Oh, sorry,” Luka hopped over the counter and leaned beside her instead. “Is this okay?”

Marinette made an affirmative noise, already deep in thought about the length of the strings and how to use the varying thicknesses and materials. Eventually, she sat back.

“Wow, that looks great,” Luka said, lightly touching one of the sketches. “My sister would love this one, with the kind of lacey look.”

“It’s just a sketch, though,” Marinette said, blushing. “I don’t know if it would actually work. If they aren’t stiff enough it might all just collapse on itself.”

“Let’s try it,” Luka said encouragingly, straightening up. “You probably need what, pliers and wire cutters?”

“Um,” Marinette blinked. “Yeah.”

“No problem, I’ll be right back.” Luka knocked on the counter twice and went into the back room.

Marinette took a moment to breathe and smooth her hands over her hair. It was almost dry, but when she looked toward the door she could see that the rain was still falling steadily. Still, it wasn’t so bad. She’d have preferred to be stuck somewhere with coffee and cozy chairs, but this wasn’t so bad, and Luka was...really nice.

Really nice. And really nice looking. He had the softest eyes when he looked at her, a clear cerulean rather than the baby blue of her own, and there was something in his slow smiles and easy grins that made her stomach flutter.

And he’d been so kind. Being both clumsy and frequently distracted, Marinette had a lot of experience with being run into, splashed, or knocked over. Usually the most she got was a hurried apology and a hand up, but Luka had done so much more. He hadn’t yelled or blamed her, just taken quiet control of the situation and done his best to make her comfortable. Even though she’d been stuck in here with him, he hadn’t made her uncomfortable at all. Any time she got the least bit fidgety with his presence, he backed off.

Marinette put her head down on the counter and covered her head with her arms with a quiet groan. She barely knew him, she reminded herself. She wasn’t going to do this crush thing again so soon. Just because he’d been kind and sweet and fun and seemed like he kinda liked her…

No, nope, not going there. She turned her head to check on the storm. The windows rattled as a sudden gust drove the rain against them. Marinette groaned again, pouting. She could just go home, she supposed, just suck it up and make a run for it even if it meant she would get soaked. But...

She shot upright as Luka came back, with the tools and a chair, and tried to look composed. “Here, come on back, you might as well sit down while you work,” he said, setting the chair down. He opened the wooden counter for her and, though she felt a little self-conscious, Marinette slipped through. “Here, there’s a spot over here we use for repairs, it’s all yours.”

“You really don’t have to do all this,” Marinette felt compelled to say as she sat down.

“Are you kidding?” Luka grinned. “I think this is amazing. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

“It might not even work,” Marinette protested weakly.

“Hmm, we’ll see,” Luka replied in a tolerably non-committal tone, but Marinette could see from the look on his face as he turned away that he had complete faith in her. “I’ll try not to hover,” he added, when he noticed her looking at him. “Just let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“O-okay,” she said, smoothing her hair again self-consciously. He was really cute when he smiled like that, and the way he looked at her gave her butterflies. Marinette turned quickly to the table, telling herself to stop imagining things.

She picked up the tools and the strings, and soon she forgot about Luka altogether, snipping and twisting and problem-solving. She needed some jewelry fixtures though, she thought absently. She’d need clasps to make bracelets and necklaces, and she could make some nice earrings if she had the findings here, but for now...

“Luka,” she called absently, “Do you have any soldering equipment?”

He didn’t answer right away. Marinette looked up and to her surprise, he was looking right at her. He was on the other side of the counter, leaning with his chin on his hand, watching her with a soft, dreamy expression that made her face heat. “Luka?” she prompted.

“Hmm?” he blinked. “Oh, sorry, I was—you were just really into what you were doing and it was...uh, cute.” He gave her one of those warm smiles that made her stomach flutter. “You’re really cute. Sorry, what were you saying? Did you need something?”.

Marinette tried to contain her own smile. “Do you have a soldering iron or something like that?” she asked shyly.

“Sure, I’ll go get,” he said, sliding off the counter and heading for the door to the back room.

Marinette giggled softly to herself, both flattered and embarrassed by his apparent admiration. If only he wasn’t so cute himself she might be able to keep her cool, but he was simultaneously hot and adorable and she was maybe screaming a little bit on the inside, catching him giving her such a mushy look. She bit her lip and tried to focus on the two strings she was twisting together, one of the heavy gauge and one of the finer ones.

She darted a quick smile up at Luka as he brought her what she needed, but looked back to her work quickly. The safety glasses were a bit big, but she managed to get them balanced on her nose, ignoring Luka’s quiet chuckle from behind her.

Marinette paused, and bit her lip, wavering in indecision for a moment. Then she glanced up at Luka. “Can I, um, borrow your hand?” she asked, feeling her face warm at her own daring.

Luka grinned and leaned up against her workspace, holding his hand out. “As long as you need.”

Marinette took his hand and turned it over, wrapping the string around his finger to get an idea of the length she needed. “How’s that?” she asked, frowning. “Comfortable? Or too tight?”

“A little tight,” he said, and Marinette adjusted. “Better,” he agreed.

“Got it.” Marinette said, struggling to hold the strings while reaching for the sharpie in her art kit. With Luka’s help she managed to get the length marked. She smiled at him. “You can have your hand back now.”

“If you’re sure,” Luka said with a grin, and nope, she was not thinking about how warm and smooth his voice was or how he was very definitely flirting with her. He was a musician, after all, of course he had a nice voice. And just because she’d been feeling down on herself lately was no reason to go all gooey inside over the first boy who was nice to her. She definitely did not let her fingers trail over his palm as he pulled away, and she definitely did not see him swallow.

It took a little more trial and error, but finally, she had a successful finished product.

“There,” Marinette said, setting down the tools. She picked the ring up in the pliers and turned it, examining it critically. “I think that should work.” She grinned up at Luka, dropping the ring on her palm and holding it out to him. “Want to try it?”

Luka smiled at her, and he took the ring from her palm without moving his eyes from hers. He slid it on his finger and wiggled his fingers experimentally.

“Nice,” he grinned.

“Is it comfortable?” Marinette asked, leaning over and taking his hand in both of hers to look. “I might need to polish where I did the soldering so it’s not rough, but…”

“Yeah, but otherwise it feels good. A little different from the one I usually wear, but not bad.” He paused, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“What?” Marinette asked, tilting her head as she looked up at him.

“It might sound stupid,” he said slowly, meeting her eyes. “But I played a lot of songs on these strings, you know? So I feel kind of...attached in a way I didn’t expect. Does that make sense or am I just crazy?”

Marinette hmmed thoughtfully. “No, I can see that. That makes sense.”

“I was thinking that if this worked out and you wanted to make more, we could sell them here in the store,” Luka mused. “But now I’m thinking people might be willing to buy something like this on commission as well. Bring in their old strings, ones they used for a special moment or whatever, and make them a special piece of jewelry from them. That’d be awesome.”

“You really think people would want that?” Marinette suddenly realized she was still holding onto his hand and let go quickly. Luka smiled, and his blue eyes flicked to hers in a way that said he wouldn’t have minded if she had held on a little longer.

“Hell, I’d commission a couple of pieces from you right now,” Luka said, leaning on the wall to look over her workspace. “I could swap Mom’s strings out for her and she’d think I was just doing her a favor until I brought her jewelry made out of her old strings. She’ll flip and my sister will be soooooo pissed that I found the perfect gift—and then she’d demand a set for herself.” He chuckled. “How’d it go with the knot ideas?”

“Oh,” Marinette turned back to the bench, motioning him closer, though she shivered a little when he leaned over her and his breath ghosted across her neck. “I think I made it work,” she said, pointing at several strings she had laid out and woven into designs similar to the ones she’d drawn. “I need some other pieces, though, like a crimp to put here and here to hold it together—I can solder the prototype but it won’t look as clean as it would with a proper jewelry crimp—and then it would need a clasp of some sort. And I thought these would make cute earrings—” she pointed to some strings she’d laid out in a shorter, rounder knot layout. “But again, I’d need crimps and findings to make it stay.”

“That’s fantastic,” Luka said admiringly. “You’re amazing, Marinette.”

Marinette giggled. “Oh, I’m—well. Thanks.”

“I know this wasn’t how you planned to spend your day,” Luka said, smiling down at her. “But...I’m glad we met, although I’m still sorry for drenching you.” They both laughed, and both turned in surprise as the bell on the shop door rang for the first time that day.

“Hi, welcome,” Luka said, straightening up. “How’s it doing out there?”

“Wet,” the man grunted, “But not as gnarly as it was. I’m here to pick up an order.”

“Sure, let me grab that for you and—”

Marinette tuned them out, picking up the soldering gun again. She carefully finished the connection points on the bracelet and earrings, doing as clean a job as she could manage. Then she stood up and stretched.

“Oh, hey, you got a new girl working?”

Marinette started, and turned wide eyes toward the counter where Luka was standing with the customer, who was eyeing her appreciatively. Luka glanced back at her and moved between her and the customer smoothly with a smile. “Not exactly. Marinette’s been working on some new merchandise for us.” He turned toward Marinette, gesturing to the bracelet. “May I?”

“Oh, yes, it should be okay now,” Marinette said quickly.

“Your skirt’s riding up,” Luka murmured as he leaned over to pick up the bracelet. Marinette gasped and tried to tug the hem of her improvised t-shirt dress down as discreetly as she could. Of course she would forget how short it was just as someone came in. Luka took his time leaning over in front of her to pick up the bracelet, blocking her from view for a long moment so she could get adjusted.

“Marinette’s working on a line of guitar-string jewelry for us,” Luka explained, laying the bracelet across his hands as he turned back to the customer. “Might be a cool gift for your wife, huh?” Luka said, still smiling but with a slight edge to his voice. “It’s almost your anniversary, right?”

“Oh, uh, right,” the big man said, shaking his head slightly and focusing on the bracelet in Luka’s hands. “Oh, hey, that’s pretty cool, actually.”

“We were just discussing the idea of offering them as custom pieces,” Luka continued. “You bring in your old strings, maybe ones you’ve used for some special moment? And Marinette turns them into something special for your loved one.”

“That’s probably the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard,” the customer chuckled. “My wife would love it. How much?”

“We’re still working out the details,” Luka smiled coolly. “It’s kind of experimental right now, but if you’d like I can give you a call when we’ve finalized things?”

“Sure, that’d be great. You guys have my number. Thanks.” The man grinned and gave a half-wave to Marinette. “Have a good day, Miss.”

Marinette managed a smile while Luka escorted the customer out. As soon as the door was closed, Luka turned back. “You okay?” he asked seriously.

“Yeah. A little embarrassed,” she tugged at the hem of her shirt again, “But I’ll live. Of course I forget right when there’s actually someone here to see.”

Luka put his hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry if he made you uncomfortable. Or if I did,” he added, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, you were trying to help,” Marinette smiled. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiled back, and handed her back the bracelet. “So, what do you think? I have to talk to my mom, of course, but if she wanted to offer something like this, how would you feel about it?”

“Hmm,” Marinette frowned thoughtfully, checking the time. “They didn’t take that long to make. I don’t think I could make too many at once. If we limit the custom orders and set clear expectations for turnaround, it should be doable. For the other pieces, we could possibly agree on a minimum weekly delivery, and then—what?” Marinette narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she realized Luka was giving her That Smile again.

“Nothing, sorry. You’re just...very professional.”

Marinette glared at him. “I am a professional. And If you tell me it’s cute I will hit you.”

“I would never patronize you that way,” Luka promised, one hand over his heart. “And you are absolutely cute no matter what you’re doing.”

Marinette flushed, and smacked his arm. “Don’t you know better than to flirt while you’re trying to do business?”

“I do, I do,” Luka chuckled, raising his hands defensively. “I’m sorry. I promise, no more flirting on business time. So do you have a business card I can give my mom? In the meantime, maybe you could put us together an estimate for pricing and a proposal for that minimum number you were talking about?”

“Certainly, I can do that,” Marinette said briskly, and gave Luka a dark look when his mouth twitched.  She stepped over to her bag and dug out the small monogrammed sleeve that held her business cards. “How would you feel about me contracting out some of the actual assembly to local young people in need of employment?”

Luka coughed, and Marinette was sure he was trying not to laugh as he took the pink business card . “As long as quality still meets an acceptable minimum standard, I think we could live with that. What sort of quality control would you put in place if you went that route?”

“I’d inspect each piece prior to delivery,” Marinette replied, “If I determine any pieces to be substandard, I’ll replace them, and deduct the cost of the wasted materials from my next invoice. If you find any upon inspection that you feel aren’t up to standard, I’ll inspect it at the time of my next delivery and replace it if necessary.”

“What about the custom orders?” Luka asked. “We can’t replace the materials in that case.”

“I’ll do all of the custom orders myself, unless one of my apprentices reliably demonstrates consistent aptitude. If I think one of them is up to it, though, I’ll discuss it with you first and their first few attempts would be heavily supervised.”

Luka smiled. “Well, again, our owner Madame Couffaine will have to approve these terms, but that sounds reasonable to me. Please include it in the terms of your proposal. When should I tell her to expect it?”

“By the end of the week. If possible, I’d like Madame Couffaine to review it and set up a meeting by the end of the following week.”

“I think we can make that work.”

“Excellent. Happy to do business with you, Mr. Couffaine,” Marinette said, offering her hand.

“Likewise, Miss—” He checked her business card quickly. “Dupain-Cheng.”

They stood there for a moment, increasingly dopy smiles on their faces, and then Marinette looked out the window. “It looks like it’s let up, so...I should go.”

“Would it ruin everything if I kissed you right now?” Luka asked.

Marinette smiled slowly, trying not to show the way her heart was pounding. So much for all her resolutions. “It might. If you do it badly.”

Luka chuckled through his nose, shifting subtly closer. “So if I promise to do it well, can I kiss you?”

“Are we done talking business?” Marinette asked, tilting her head as she looked up at him, eyes twinkling with more bravado than she felt.

“I’m definitely done with business,” Luka told her seriously.

“Then you may,” she said, equally seriously, and the next thing she knew, she was pressed back against the counter and Luka was kissing her hungrily, one hand planted on the counter next to them and the other tangled in her hair. She slipped her arms up around his neck, closed her eyes, and kissed him back for all she was worth, and it definitely wasn’t bad.

Someone cleared their throat. Loudly. Luka bolted upright, staring into the smirking face of his sister.

“Juleka,” he said—nearly whined. “What the hell are you even doing here?”

“You haven’t answered your phone for the past two hours, dumbass,” Juleka told him dryly. “Mom sent me to check on you.” And of course she’d come through the back. Though he might not even have registered the bell if someone had come in through the front, honestly, so maybe it was just as well. “Who’s your friend?” Juleka asked pointedly.

“Um…” Luka glanced at Marinette, who glanced at him, and then suddenly she burst into slightly hysterical giggles, and he couldn’t help joining in. “That’s kind of a long story,” he managed, and they both giggled uncontrollably as Juleka raised her eyebrows. “Just—Just give me a minute, Jules, she was getting ready to leave anyway.”

“Hell of a goodbye kiss,” Juleka observed in her flat way, and then turned to go into the back.

“Hell yeah, it was,” Luka muttered, grinning at the floor, before turning to look at Marinette. “Sorry for my crappy timing. Maybe we could revisit this sometime when I’m not supposed to working? Maybe have dinner together first?”

“Maybe,” Marinette smiled, packing her things back in her bag. “We’ll see.”

Luka leaned on the counter and grinned. “It wasn’t bad, right?”

Marinette giggled, without looking at him. “Not bad at all. May I have my shoes and my clothes please?”

Luka went to get them, grinning like a fool. Marinette held onto his arm to steady herself as she put on her shoes, and then she took her bag and the bag containing her wet clothes.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you today,” Luka grinned. “If that wasn’t obvious.” He slipped a card out of his pocket and handed it to her, turning it so she could see the handwritten number on the back. “Here’s my number.”

Marinette paused and programmed it into her phone right then, sending him a message. “And now you have mine.” Luka bit back a shit-eating grin, staring at the floor as he opened the door for her to keep from giving himself away. As she passed, Marinette popped up on her toes to kiss him lightly, and gave him a sassy grin as she slipped out of the door.

He shut the door and turned his back to it, letting his stupid grin take over his face. Juleka must have heard the bell because she came out of the back.

“So,” Luka said conversationally, heading back to the long-abandoned pile of boxes he’d been shelving. “What’s it going to cost me for you to maybe not mention this to Mom?”

“How do you know I didn’t already tell her I found you about to ravish a girl on the store counter.”

Luka flushed. “One, I was not. Two, you’re my sister and I know you, and you know me, so you knew I was going to ask that question, so I know you haven’t told Mom before finding what you could get out of me. So. What’ll it take?”

“What are you offering?” Juleka folded her arms.

Luka grinned. “How about some new jewelry?”

[laurelsofhighever]

The Falcon and the Rose Ch. 55 - Closer (NSFW)

Chapter Rating: Explicit Warnings: brief mention of pregnancy/childbirth Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Fereldan Civil War AU - No Blight, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Demisexuality, Cousland Feels, Emotional Sex, First Time, Enthusiastic Consent

Read it on AO3 Start from Chapter 1

--

They staggered over the threshold. The door, fumbled open, swung wide on its hinges with a whine they ignored completely. Alistair’s hands cradled her face, his focus entirely on her mouth and every open, languid kiss he pressed against her lips, while she, unable to find purchase elsewhere, curled her fingers into the front of his gambeson, desperate to keep him in place as fire blazed along every nerve in her body. The entire world was him. She coaxed him backwards, stepping just to the side so they landed against the doorframe in a reverse of their position in the stable, pressed together with their earlier caution burned away.

“Tell me to stop,” he breathed as her gambeson was shucked to the floor. His palms traced the shape of her ribs, over her hips.

Her answer emerged in a moan. “Not yet.”

She felt him swallow. He broke away to reach for the door handle, and she moved her attention to his neck instead, kissing along the parts she could reach with so many layers in the way. When he sighed, she took it as encouragement and added the scrape of her teeth, the push of her tongue, finally giving room to what she had only imagined for months, delighting in the very real shudder that ran to the ends of his fingers when she hit just the right spot. The arch of his neck was her work – what she had done – and her pride in it pooled the desire in her belly just as surely as the way his fingers tightened against her skin.

“Rosslyn…”

“Mmmm?”

He stiffened. “Oh.”

Concerned, she pulled away, and followed his gaze over her shoulder to the bed. Cuno lay among the covers, bleary eyes blinking at them each in turn, distinctly unimpressed.

“I didn’t know we’d have an audience,” Alistair muttered, sheepish, with his arms still around her.

“Definitely not.” She frowned, and disentangled herself. “Cuno. Out.”

The dog’s ears went back, but he didn’t move. He whined.

“You heard me,” she insisted, holding open the door. “Out. Just for now.”

Slowly, Cuno rose onto his haunches and hopped from the bed. As he padded past his mistress, he paused as if hoping she would change her mind, but when the only response to his pleading look was a gentle nod in the direction of the corridor, he hung his head and stalked away, toes clicking forlornly on the wooden floor.

“I don’t think he likes me anymore,” Alistair said as she closed the door. “He has a nasty glare.”

“He’ll get over it. I’ll make it up to him.” She turned the key in the lock to keep the servants out. “Technically he was never allowed to sleep in the bed anyway – the kennelmaster always said it makes them too much into pets. But he had such big eyes as a puppy and he was very persuasive.”

“I’ll bet.” He grinned, suddenly, and reached out for a lock of hair that had fallen over her face. “Am I very persuasive?”

She smirked. “Now, or in general?”

“The dogs who raised me would be shocked if they thought not even a few of their lessons had rubbed off on me,” he teased. “They were very diligent teachers. May I?” he had caught hold of the tie securing her braid, and was running the end of it between his fingers. “I like seeing it down,” he explained, noticing her confusion. “It’s… It’s really pretty.”

“You like it?” Blushing, she turned around to give him better access, searching for something more articulate to say. “It’s… not practical for battle. Having it down, that is.”

“We’re not on a battlefield right now.”

“That’s true…”

The instant she felt his hands working the tie loose from the end of the braid, her eyes drifted shut. He worked in silence, careful not to pull as he carded through each strand, focussed on unwinding her mass of hair inch by inch from its confinement. She had never imagined such a mundane action could hold so much intimacy, with the heat of his body radiating against her back and the occasional soft tug on her scalp when he encountered a knot. It felt like another kind of kiss, warmth and trust and flutters that tightened in her chest and made breathing a secondary concern.

“There is something,” he said, pausing between her shoulder blades, and her stomach jolted. “What if I… If we… Maker’s breath, this should be easier to say.” He sighed. “Rosslyn, what if we do this, and there’s a child?”

Her breath caught, the pleasant tingle from a moment before killed stone dead like new shoots in a frost. On her desk lay her strongbox, and in the corner, the parting gift from Lady Raina that she had blushed to take but had taken all the same. After all, what was this subject but another example of a failing in the expectations placed on her? She still remembered Oriana’s screams, the days of hushed voices, hiding in the stables until it was over and vowing that it would never be her on that bed, limp and pale among so many bloodstained sheets.

“Not every man would think of that,” she replied, to stall, to gauge his opinion.

“I don’t want another me. I mean –”  

She felt him wince and half-turned. “I know what you meant.”

Hands wrapped her waist, steadying, seeking to comfort, and she found herself glad her back was to him. “That’s not to say – I mean, once the war is done, and… depending on where we find ourselves, uh, a child of ours wouldn’t be –”

“There won’t be a child,” she interrupted, and forced the tension from her shoulders. “There’s a tea I’d take in the morning, and should that fail, there are… other methods. Women have been protecting themselves from this for a very long time.”

“A tea?” he asked. “And you’d have to take it every time? That seems unfair, considering any… consequences would be my fault.”

She couldn’t help it; his indignation tipped her worry into a nervous tumble of laughter, even as his care brought a swell of warmth to her heart. She twined her fingers with his.

“If we decide we enjoy it, there are more permanent solutions that would mean I wouldn’t need it.”

A huff. “Well… good. Otherwise you might start associating me with awful, bitter tea, and you won’t want me around anymore.”

“Do you think that would happen?” she teased.

“One of the knights in Redcliffe ate a pork bad chop once, and ever since, even the smell of cooking meat has left him gagging, so you never know.” He took his hand back to finish combing out her hair. “Poor bloke has a terrible time on feast days.”

She shrugged. “Maybe it’ll work the other way, and the tea will taste sweeter because it makes me think of you.”

“You say the nicest things.” The last loop of her braid came unbound against her neck, leaving it to fall in a curtain down her back as his hands smoothed it out and he dropped his lips against the tip of her shoulder. “There,” he murmured. “All done.”

Before he could pull away, she turned and caught him in a kiss, slower than before but warming liked banked embers, intimate but eager and melting into a sigh as the flare in her belly sank lower. Alistair’s teeth closed on her bottom lip with a growl that raked the last of her nerves. The bed was behind them.

“I suppose this is the part where we take off our clothes,” she breathed between kisses.

His laugh rumbled against her mouth. “I’d suggest something a little bit different.”

“Mmm?”

“We take each other’s clothes off.”

She tugged on his gambeson. “One of us has a slight head start in that.”

“I was going to let you go first,” he protested, with a gentle poke to her ribs. “It’s like you have no faith in me.”

“Such a gentleman.”

“And…” His grin faded. “If it gets too much…”

She leaned up and kissed him. “That goes for both of us.” Her lopsided smirk appeared. “Now stop moving so I can deal with these ties.”

He rolled his eyes with a melodramatic sigh meant to ease the tension, but kept perfectly still as he watched her pick apart the haphazard knots on his gambeson. Figuring them out created a point for her focus and eased the trembling in her fingertips, but nothing could stop the distraction as his hands reached up to wander his already-favourite paths across her body.

“It’s not your turn yet,” she warned as the hem of her shirt lifted high enough to admit his touch. Three ties left to go.

His lips brushed against her forehead. “You’ll notice, dear lady, that I’m not taking it off.”

The last tie of the gambeson came loose. Muscles flexed under her touch as she pushed the garment from his shoulders, met with only a little resistance and a grumble as he realised he would have to stop touching her to get it off completely.

“What’s that smirk for?”

She tilted a lazy look at him, ignoring the soft whuff of cloth hitting the floor. “If we were in proper court attire, there’d be far more layers for you to complain about.”

“Well thank the Maker and the Lady we’re not at court. If we were, you’d be in one of those long dresses and I wouldn’t get to stare at your legs quite so much.”

“My legs?”

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled. “The rest of you gets my appreciation too – ah…” The words trailed off into a gasp as her nails scraped under the collar of his shirt, before skittering away down his sides to where the fabric tucked into his breeches. He stepped closer to give her more reach, pressing in with a sloppy, fumbling kiss that broke only when the shirt reached his chin and he had to take it from her or get stuck. His skin gave off heat like a furnace, bronzed, dotted with freckles she had wanted to map for longer than she would ever admit. A pattern of hair swirled over his chest and led down in a narrow trail until it disappeared, silky where she brushed it with her thumb.

“Do you remember your exhibition match in Lothering?” she asked. “Against the recruit with the greatsword?”

The shirt hit the floor and his arms settled at her waist again. “I knew you were looking.”

She set her teeth against the join of his shoulder, trailed along his collarbone. “Don’t be so smug.”

“Can I – ah – can’t I be a little bit smug?”

“It’s your turn.”

She was enjoying herself too much to be hurried, however eager she was to feel his skin properly against hers. His neck presented too many interesting contours, the tang of sweat and the taste of salt on her tongue, and when her palm tracked along his side, the solid planes of his warrior’s form jumped as if she held lightning in her fingers. But then he reached the middle of her back, the calluses as unexpected as the rush of cold air to her skin, and in the instant of shock it took for her mind to right itself, her shirt had joined his at their feet and his mouth was back on hers. Not just his hands but the entire strength of his arms went around her as she pulled him closer, wound her fingers into his hair, shivered at the way their contact rubbed just right at the centre between her legs.

He paused and pulled away, breathing heavily. One broad hand cradled the back of her neck, curling under her ear, and she covered it with her own, offered a squeeze for reassurance.

“You’re blushing.”

“You’re beautiful,” he countered, and pressed his forehead against hers. “Come to bed with me.”

Grinning, Rosslyn stepped out of the embrace, drawing him after her. For a moment, his feet wouldn’t move, and worry seized her like the plunge of cold water, until she understood his stillness, the heat in his wide eyes, and the way those eyes flicked over her newly bared skin. He had never seen it before, not properly, not as she had seen him. Her chin lifted. He tried to speak, but his voice stumbled somewhere and disappeared, leaving him in the middle of the floor with nothing but instinct to drag him forward. He came tentatively to where she waited less than a forearm’s length from the edge of the unmade bed, still chewing over the words he could not say as he watched his hands find her skin, how her sides yielded to the press of his fingers. His eyes squeezed shut and hid against her temple.

“Alistair?”

Tension bled from him in a laugh. “I’m alright, I’m – I’m a lucky man.” There was a tug on the rear knot of her breastband, warm fingers slipped between the fabric and her spine. “Are we counting this as another layer or is it still my turn?”  

Her answer stalled; the only layer he had left was his breeches, and then…

“Which would you prefer?”

She didn’t expect his growl. “How do I get it off?”

With trembling hands, she swept her hair out of the way, over her shoulder to give him a clear view of what he was doing, and held to him as she waited. For the first time, she became aware of how closely her chest pressed against his, the friction of every breath. The band was designed to comfortably stay in place beneath her armour no matter what she did, with both a knot and a pin for extra security, but though years of wearing it had left her familiar with the feel of it, guiding Alistair’s hands to the right places proved difficult.

“Don’t lose it,” she cautioned as he unhooked the pin. “I have another one but I don’t know where it is.”

“Bedside table?”

She nodded, and bit her lip as the linen finally came loose. She expected it to be ripped away, but instead Alistair came close, mouth hot on hers as he unwound the band and chased the straps from her shoulders, coaxing first one arm then the other free before casting it aside to land on the pile with the rest of their clothes. Her calves knocked against the side of the bed, her whole body cradled now as she hooked one leg over is hip, overbalanced them both, and tumbled to the mattress.

His arms broke their fall. Hers raked up his back, prompting another purr and a shift of his hips that had her arching up for closer contact, breathless from kissing him, from his warmth, his weight, the path of his hand as it rasped along the curve of her ribs and up, closing over her breast with sharpness enough to make her gasp.

“You like that,” he accused, sliding his attention to her neck.

She giggled. “So – so keep doing it.”

“You’re so demanding.”

Without breaking contact, he shifted above her, wrapping one arm under her back to hoist them both further up the bed, so that his legs no longer hung awkwardly off the side. The frame protested as her head hit the pillow, but she didn’t care, too focussed instead on keeping him exactly where she wanted. Her hands fisted in his hair as stubble scratched the line of her collarbone, and she did not miss the fact that in the move, he had settled between her legs, though he still bore most of his weight on his arm and knees in an attempt to be polite as he explored. Muscles bunched under the silk of his skin, hard as iron beneath her hands and smooth as turned pebbles on the shore. It was the strength that had held her up when they first met at Wythenshawe, fought with her in the training ring, kept her guarded from her own nightmares in the wake of Marjolane’s attack.  

“Rosslyn?”

Her skin was so much paler than his, like marble and chert laid next to each other. She stroked a thumb across his chin. And then another memory flashed in her mind, and her fingers curled at the nape of his neck.

“Here,” she said, mouth dry, guiding him down to where his free hand still cupped her breast. From the smirk that spread across his face, he realised what she wanted, but he let her lead unresisting, darkened eyes fixed on hers, even when the very tip of his tongue peeked from his mouth and lapped at her flesh. Tension coiled in her belly with the effort of keeping still. He licked again, a broad swipe against her nipple so close his breath sent gooseflesh skittering over her arm, and when she shuddered he let go pretence and in the instant before her eyes squeezed shut, grinned like a demon and closed his mouth over her entirely.  

He enjoyed it. He was good at it. He hummed around the swirl of his tongue, bit down, sucked, caressed her with his hand, all things she would have shied from if not for it being him, and when the glut of sensation set her legs shaking and her hips lifting from the sheets in a desperate need for friction, he was there, hard and heavy, rocking down in a slow, half-conscious drive that made the mattress creak.  His back flexed where she held him, where she guided him over her fully, the smell of salt and pinesmoke in her nose.  

“Uh… love?”

Her eyes blinked open, a wordless complaint on her lips for the fact that he had stopped.  

“I’m stuck.”

For a moment, she could only stare at him, confusion matched by awe at the sight of him above her, hair mussed from her attentions, flushed down to his chest with a swollen mouth and pinpricks of sweat just beginning to glitter on his forehead. His weight was propped on one elbow again, his opposite hand splayed on her thigh – which was clamped around his waist like a vice.  

Her face flamed. “I… I didn’t realise.”  

Bracing her hands against his shoulders, she dropped her gaze, telling herself it was concentration and not embarrassment as she forced her muscles to relax. As soon as he could wriggle free, he leaned forward and brushed a kiss against her cheek, shifting so he could tangle his hand in her hair again.

“I don’t mind,” he murmured in her ear. “In fact, I don’t mind so much it’s giving me all sorts of ideas.”

“Oh?”

“Mmhm.” He settled against her with another slow rock of his hips. “You’re so strong, and brave, and I love you so much.”  

She swallowed. Her fingers tightened on his ribs so that she felt the deep heave of his breath. His hand still gripped her thigh, hot through the fabric of her breeches as it traced a slow, firm line from her knee, pushing it aside to give himself room. But the fabric was still in the way, the movement as it was not enough, she needed him closer.

“Alistair…” Every inch of him fogged her mind with distraction, and the words were lost. Somehow, she navigated her fingers to the ties on his breeches, managed to keep her head through the hitch in his breath. “Please.”

“You’re sure?”

She turned her lips into his neck, the closest part of him she could find. “It’s my turn.”

Without clothes in the way, he surely felt the galloping beat of her pulse as he pushed himself onto his knees to give her hands room to untie him, caging her with his arms, with his fingers in her hair, with the kisses she tore from his lips. In her fumbling, she accidentally brushed against the hardness trapped beneath the laces, once, but enough to drag a groan from deep within his throat, to make him push forward into her touch with only the barest semblance of control.

Like an overeager puppy wanting attention, came the unbidden thought, so she had to bite her lips together to stifle a laugh.

“Please say you’re nearly done,” he rasped as he kissed her collarbone again. “This is…”

“I think…” Something niggled at her thoughts, then coalesced like a stone dropped into a pool. “We didn’t take our boots off.”  

“What?”

She cursed. “Our boots. We’re still wearing them.” It seemed like such an obvious problem with a little bit of thought applied.

As if it might be some kind of trick, Alistair twisted to look over his shoulder, and collapsed with a sigh when she wiggled a still-shod foot at him to prove her words, grumbling into her neck in a way that took the heat of the moment and made it ridiculous.

“Next time,” he huffed, “the boots are coming off first.”

“Agreed.”

A brief kiss, and he pulled away, retreating to the edge of the bed so he could pull up first one leg then the other to unbuckle his boots, however much his hurry made his hands trip over the straps. If she weren’t so happy to watch him, the way his freckles moved under the smooth planes of his back and the way his profile scrunched in concentration, she might have cautioned him with one of Nan’s old idioms about haste and speed, but instead she rolled onto her side and tucked her arms under her head to better admire him. When he glanced over his shoulder, one brow quirked, she smiled at him and tried not to notice how cold she was in his absence.

“See anything you like?” he asked, with a lazy grin betrayed by the bloom of colour from her scrutiny, a slight tremor in his voice that she almost missed.  

“I haven’t seen everything yet.” Her smirk froze – it must be the proximity making her so bold, disconnecting her brain from her mouth like a spooked horse slipping its rope. To cover, she cleared her throat. “But there’s already a lot to like, and… while you’re up…?” She leaned a leg across to nudge him with the toe of her own boot.

“Since you asked so nicely,” he teased, taking the hint. “Where did you learn to wheedle?”

“It wasn’t just me teaching Cuno tricks,” she answered. “Do you think he’s alright?”

He picked up her other foot and set his fingers to the laces. “He probably went to turn those big brown eyes of his on Cailan – but you know, some men might get offended if the minds of their lady loves wandered so far off topic during the steamy bits. Not me, though,” he added loftily. “I know you can’t resist me.”

“You’re adorable when you’re jealous.”

“Adorable!” He glared at her in affront. “I’ll have you know, my love, that the last thing an imposing warrior like myself wants to be called is ‘adorable’, though… maybe it’s not so bad, when it comes from someone as beautiful as you.” He threw her sock over his shoulder, expression suddenly rakish. “And look at that, your foot is at my mercy.”

“Don’t you dare!” she warned, as his hand snaked back towards her toes.

“Whaaaaaaaaat?”

Eyes narrowed, she levered herself up onto her hands until her nose was bare inches away from his. “Don’t play innocent. Tickling isn’t allowed.” Her stomach clenched under the brief, scalding look he passed over her.

“The lady is ticklish, is she?” He grinned, pressing one small kiss to her ankle before moving to find her mouth. “I won’t tell a soul.”

She was already pulling him down again. “You’d better not.”

“Isn’t it still your turn?”

Without breaking the kiss, they eased backwards, back to the centre of the bed, where the pillows dipped beneath her head and the cover rumpled so uncomfortably Alistair grew annoyed with it and cast it aside. Rosslyn took her time exploring him again, from the silk of his hair and down the lines of his neck, trailing her fingers across the expanse of his back, his chest, the surprised hiss when her thumb accidentally scraped over his nipple. She liked it when he covered her, when his chest hair tickled and his heart beat so close to her own, and he let his hands rove along her sides as if trying to commit her shape to memory. Most of her work on his breeches was already done, the laces loose, but she couldn’t resist another slow glide of her hand across his front before she pulled the two wings apart and pushed the garment, smalls and all, as far as she could reach down his legs. His hand left her – to hold himself, she realised; she felt his slipping self-control frown against her cheek – and with the words she needed having fled, she used her touch instead to bring him back, to hold him as his hips jerked against her still-clothed sex.

“Hey…” she tried, as he poised above her. With anxious fingers she guided his mouth to hers, and he devoured her like one starving.

“Please tell me you want this,” he begged. “Please tell me you don’t want to wait anymore.”

Molten heat pooled between her legs, left her mouth dry. “Don’t stop.”

“No.” his teeth grazed her ear. “I need to hear it. I need to know you’re not just –”

“I want you,” she growled, mind fraying. She grabbed his face so he would look at her. “I want you – I love you – I want everything.”

The touch against her cheek was reverent, the confession gentle. “I dreamed about this so many times. I thought of you…”

“This isn’t a dream. Which means,” she added with a sly smile, “that the rest of my clothes aren’t going to come off through the power of imagination.”

An instant passed, and then he burst out laughing. “Maker’s breath, I love you. Is that a hint?”

“Do you not want me naked?”

“Minx,” he accused, stealing a brief kiss before falling away to her side to wriggle the rest of the way out of his breeches. “You don’t fool me with those wide, innocent eyes – and for the record, I want you very naked.”

She shivered. Her full view was obscured by his arm, and by the curve of her waist as he turned back to her on his side, with only a brief, smiling glance at her body before he was kissing her again, sweet and deep and slow, with a hand on her jaw as if he were worried she would turn away if he let her go. Impatient, she hummed and caught his fingers and pushed them down, just enough until he took the hint and moved of his own accord, rising up onto his elbow for a better angle that brought him so, so close he curved around her, with every shift in muscle, every inhaled breath taken as her own. The knot on her breeches unpicked easily, loosened with brief attention, small motions that made her hips twitch in jealousy. He reared back, breaking the slant of their mouths, but before any kind of reprimand could pass her lips, his palm eased firm beneath the fabric, with only her smalls barring the touch, and every line of her body snapped tight.

“I could watch you like this,” he muttered against her ear as he did it again. Her nails dug into his bicep. “But then I’d never get to see the rest of you.”

With a growl, she dragged him back to her, pushed his hand away, hooked her own thumb under the hem so she could shimmy free. “Stop talking.”

He chuckled against her neck, and obliged. In a moment she had the last of her clothes kicked away, already forgotten as she stretched out next to him, careful to make room, bold and vulnerable and very aware of the slick feeling between her legs, the sharp-salt odour already mingling not unpleasantly with his. As she rolled on her side, she took a moment to look, to follow the path of her hand down his chest and beyond where she dared to set it at his waist, to steady her breathing. She had never really thought of anyone as beautiful before, not all over, but Alistair was strong, well-made, solid from battle but soft at the edges in all the ways that blew the last of her doubt away like cobwebs. His erection, now she saw it, was an ungainly thing, hard and curving slightly from a sparse mess of pubic hair, the tip dewed and blushing like a rosebud, but it was part of him as much as his freckles or his scars, or the absurd jokes he always made to cover his uncertainty.  

When she looked up, she found his eyes lingering on her like a wolf’s. His breath ghosted against her cheek, sweet with the wine from dinner, but she found she couldn’t breathe at all. She could see the skip of his pulse in the corner of his jaw, felt her own like a rockslide in her chest, until somehow the spell over them broke and their shared uncertainty let go with a puff of silent laughter that narrowed the little space left between them.

“Here,” he murmured, taking her hand with a brushed kiss across her knuckles, gaze keen on her face until the moment her fingers, still wrapped in his, folded around him and followed his guidance in a long, slow stroke that made his eyes squeeze shut and brought a guttural sound to his lips.

“You like that,” she teased, unable to hide the thrill in her voice. It was an odd sensation, holding such iron-hard flesh, but as she worked him, the frown deepened, colour rose higher in his cheeks with breath hissed between his teeth, and his hand left hers to brush her hair out of her face as he slanted a kiss against her mouth. She almost didn’t notice when that same hand dragged her leg over his waist, not until it trailed the back of her thigh and around to the dark froth of hair guarding her sex, and paused.

He cleared his throat. “Can I –?”

She grinned, sucked his bottom lip between her teeth. “Yes.”  

Her hips rocked forward to meet the first slow pass of his hand. It was bigger than hers, heavier, cautious in its explorations like the steady advance and retreat of an incoming tide, but every stroke gained confidence, built pressure, until finally he worked low enough to drag a finger in a slow, deliberate glide along her folds –

“There,” she gasped. “Right – right there.”

“Like this?”

He made circles, teasing the nub of flesh with the pads of his fingers, but not quite right, too fast, and she got distracted trying to find a way to put the feeling into words beyond a frustrated shake of her head. And then he slowed, went back to stroking, and her nails bit into his arm as another small cry fell from her lips, swallowed by the sudden eager cover of his mouth. She had forgotten she could kiss him too. The realisation sparked only idly in her mind, but she found the taste of him addictive, the hum on his lips as she pulled him down, the rasp of hair against the sensitive bud of her nipple as she rutted to the insistent pace of his hand.

And still he wasn’t close enough. A finger slipped beyond her entrance, pressed deeper when she rocked her hips, when he curled the digit and added another to leave her shaking entirely at his mercy. His head dropped against her neck, her name a stagger on his tongue, and without truly registering the movement, the mattress dipped as she pushed him onto his back. Straddled him.  

They no longer needed words. His eyes were dark, his fingers still wet with her slick where they dug into her waist. She kissed him, proud of his flushed skin, his disordered hair, his groan as the tilt of her hips ground the sweetest angle against him. He reached between them. She anticipated the question.

“Yes.”

The first time they tried, she moved too soon and his cock slipped and flopped back against his stomach. A breath of laughter. An awkward shuffle. And this time – this time she sank onto him, slowly, braced against the taut muscles of his stomach, not with the pain she had been warned about but a friction, a sense of fullness that drove the breath from her lungs. Her hair escaped over her shoulder. She blinked her eyes open to find Alistair gazing up at her with quiet awe, brushing the fallen lock behind her ear even as every inch of his body strained with the effort of keeping still. His other hand splayed across her waist to steady her, or maybe just to anchor himself, and when some instinct made her shift her weight, his nails dug into her skin and air hissed between his teeth.

It taught her how to move, how fast. Every rock of her hips sent a dance of light along her nerves like the rolling strike of a flintlock, the pleasure of it mixing with the pleasure of feeling Alistair’s response, the way the frown came back to his face, how his feet planted against the sheets and his head arched back to expose the long column of his throat. The sight drew her forward – the new angle gave her more room, a longer stroke as she sealed her mouth against his pulse, felt his hands on her breasts, her back, and heard her own breath grow ragged out of time with the groan of the bed beneath them.

“Yes, love – yes – yes, I’m here –”

Guttural praise poured into her ear as their pace increased. He touched her everywhere. She planted kisses against his neck as her hair cast around them like a curtain, as he held her and her fists clenched in the pillows by his head and his hips snapped up and his tawny eyes followed every tiny change in her expression. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but the building heat at her core wouldn’t let her. It made her toes curl. It made her forget everything but him, the hissed pleas and repetitions of her name that fell from his lips, it drove her mind towards a single vibrant point just out of reach –

The tension unspooled in a jagged inrush of air. Her eyes squeezed shut. In an instant, Alistair flipped them and brought his mouth crashing down to hers, the growl in his throat encouraging the flare of lightning through her fingers as he drove out her pleasure, until at last he groaned and stilled and brought his forehead down to hers. They shared a kiss, and breaths half-laugh and half-sob as she held him. His arms shook. As they gave out, her mouth skipped along every inch of skin she could reach, limbs twitching with aftershocks, her will to move bled away and replaced with absolute contentment. A smile pressed against her neck as his arms wrapped around her, as if nothing would satisfy him but sinking all the way into her flesh. Talking had no place here. Nor did tears, though she felt a stubborn prick at the back of her throat as the weight of what they had shared settled properly. She would not cry. Instead, she pulled him closer, brushed a lingering kiss against his shoulder, wound her fingers into his hair.

For a long time, neither of them moved, or spoke. Rosslyn’s mouth was dry, her breath finally calming, seeping with the same heaviness that had taken hold of the rest of her. Their heartbeats matched, steadying echoes of each other, and when he eventually lifted away, it was only far enough to fall on his side, to curl around her again with one arm lazy over her stomach and his nose buried against the tip of her shoulder. Chill air crept into the spaces he left behind, but the easy heat in her blood kept her too comfortable to rouse yet and find the bedcovers.  

Alistair was watching her. His mouth curved faintly upwards at the corner, too soft to be a smirk, his fingers a whisper over her forehead as he smoothed away the rogue strands of hair caught up in their exertions. He shifted closer, nudging her cheek with barely-there kisses.

“You liked that.”

She chuckled. “So did you.” She rolled onto her side, still stubborn against the cold but willing to nestle close and leach warmth from him if it meant not having to move further.

“Mmmmh.” He stroked her back, legs tangling with hers, and sighed. “It’s funny – according to the Chantry, I should have been struck by lightning by now.”

A lazy smirk lifted her mouth. “You know I don’t pay any attention to what the Chantry says.”

“What about the Alamarri, then?” he asked. “No lightning, and then the end of civilisation as we know it?”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Oi!” Indignant, he reached down and grabbed her arse, grinning when it made her jerk against him. ”Cheeky.”

“Did you just –”

“And if I did?”

She read the tease in his grin, the light in his tawny eyes, and gave him the most disdainful expression she could muster. “Then you could sink no lower, my love.”

“Careful,” he warned, “or I might take that as a challenge.”

“But would you take the risk?”

He stroked her chin, chased it with a quick press of his lips. “Probably not. I love you too much. But, uh…” Suddenly sheepish, he cleared his throat. “Maybe we should… move? We’ve made a bit of a mess.”

She glanced down, to where his hand still lay against her hip. “Ah.”

He squeezed her hand. “Wait here.”

While he padded across to the ewer standing with a bowl and a cloth on her dresser, she reached over to retrieve the covers, pushed half onto the floor during their lovemaking. Even thinking the word made her bite her lip, the smile beneath spreading with a glow of warmth through her chest. Their clothes lay scattered across her floor, and a pleasant kind of ache was starting between her legs, an awareness of muscles never before used that – were she not so sleepy – she would not mind using again. When her gaze passed to him, however, her satisfaction melted into shock, and heat snaked across the back of her neck as he caught sight of her expression and frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

She winced. “Go and look in the mirror.”

Bemused, he rinsed off the cloth and did as she asked, completely at ease in his nakedness, with her eyes on him, perhaps even preening a little as he moved to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room.

“I still don’t see…”

“No – turn around.”

“Oh – wow.” He coughed. “Um.”  

A set of long, red marks stood out parallel on the skin across his shoulders and down his back. She didn’t remember making them, couldn’t remember any point at which she could have made them, and yet there they were.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Well, stripes are all the fashion this season, didn’t you know? I think they make me look taller.”

“It isn’t funny,” she snapped, an unpleasant squirm in her chest. “You look like you’ve been flogged.”

“But I haven’t,” he pointed out. His mouth widened into a suggestive little grin as he came back towards the bed. When her frown didn’t ease, he sprawled next to her on the bed and caught her chin in his fingers. “No one else will see, if that’s what you’re worried about. Well, maybe Marten, but I can make excuses to him easily enough, and it’s not like I didn’t spend years bathing myself before the fancy title came along.”

“Don’t they hurt?”

Shaking his head, he pressed a kiss to her temple and cleared his throat again as he turned his attention to the stickiness covering her thighs. “Not at all. But if you insist, I’m sure I could think of a few ways for you to make it up to me.”

“You’re being smug again,” she huffed.

That earned a laugh. “How could I not be?” he teased. “You were making such delightful noises.”

Something fluttered in her stomach. “Just what I’d expect someone raised by dogs to say.”

He gasped, pulling away from her in affront, but before she could decide whether the reaction was genuine, he darted back in and left a long, wet lick up the side of her face.

“Yeuch!”

“Such cruelty from such a beautiful woman!” he lamented, letting her away to swipe at her face.

“That’s – eugh!”

He huffed. “That’s the least you deserve. If you hear sobbing later, that’s me crying myself to sleep.”

She offered a wry glance over her shoulder and found him sitting primly, waiting for a response. “How am I attracted to you?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” he answered in a cheerful voice, leaning forward to brush a kiss against her shoulder. “But I’m very glad you are.” He paused and gave his best puppy look. “You are, aren’t you?”

“Very much, my love.” She sighed. “Speaking of dogs…”

“I’ll go.”

He retreated and scooped his discarded shirt from the floor before rinsing the cloth again and crossing to the door. Something in the casual way he moved about her room, taking up space, even poking his head around the door and whistling for her dog, left a peculiar kind of lightness in her chest. Yes, they would have to take Highever first, and yes, the war would not be over even then, but for the first time her heart did not shy away from the idea of him there, in her future, in her home, wrapped up by the fire in the library or sharing a walk on the grey sand below the cliffs. As he listened for the telltale scrabble of claws along the hallway, her insides squirmed to realise she had never wanted anything so much.

“I can’t see him,” Alistair said, breaking into her thoughts. “Do you want me to go and look?”

She shook herself. “He must have found somewhere else to sleep.”

“Poor you, then – only me to cuddle for warmth.” His grin was infectious, all confidence as he shut the door.

“Oh, however will I cope?” she deadpanned. “Come back to bed.”

He stilled. Only for a moment, until his chest heaved and a huffed laugh flitted from his lips, but the blush that spread down his neck didn’t subside, and his eyes never left hers as he took the invitation and wriggled under the covers next to her. She called the command for the glowstone and the light went out, leaving them cocooned in the darkness, jostling slightly until they found a comfortable position, with one strong arm around her and his heartbeat under her ear. In that state, sleep came for her quickly.

“Rosslyn?”

“Mm?” He was holding himself too carefully under her hand.

“In all seriousness… I wasn’t too bad, was I?”

She sighed, relieved. “I ended well enough, and you… I never thought I’d find anyone I wanted to do that with, or that it would feel like that.” To distract herself from the awkwardness of the conversation, even in the dark, she found his hand and threaded their fingers together. “What about me? Was I…?”

“Perfect,” he said, without a beat. “You’re perfect.”

“No point in practicing, then?” she teased, smirking as she pushed herself up to see his outline.

A hand snaked around her waist. “Oh no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily, woman. There will be lots of practice. I mean, if…”

“I might like that.”

“‘Might’?” he grumbled. “So charming. Go to sleep.”

Still smiling, she settled closer against him, pillowed on his shoulder, awareness slowly drifting as his thumb stroked a mindless rhythm over her hip, exactly where she wanted to be, and between one breath and the next she slipped into oblivion.