#kit herondale you will know peace I swear to you

[demigodshadowtribute]

thinking about how Kit believes to his core that Ty could never love him back. That the only way he can express what he feels is writing unsent letters in the dark recesses of his home. A home that he’s forcing himself to put a deadline on because he’s so convinced that he is dangerous. A dead man walking through the halls of a home that was never meant to be his. Whispers of his true emotions shoved between unspoken conversations. “I love you, I love you, I love you” echoing back to him but this time he can’t bring himself to say it- doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to again. And so he just resorts to something easier, something that’s so ingrained in him it can do no harm, so it’s “Ty, Ty, Ty” because the wound is fresh and there’s no cure. And it’s sneaking off and avoiding everything that reminds you of him but he literally can’t because they have been intertwined. And when they see each other again it’s Kit not knowing how to forgive and Ty not knowing how to tell him, “I have loved you and you haven’t known it.” Secrets and hiding and devotion all wrapped up with no intention to send out.

[ohnotoomanyfandoms]

If you wrote a quick lil Jordelia snippet in the style of one of Cassie's Chain of Iron excerpts (like write a tiny bit of a prediction of a scene that could happen between them) I would love you forever 🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

My dear Jordelia Nation, I bring you a little Christmas present! 

I am nowhere near satisfied of this ficlet (which is why I’m not even putting it on my AO3 page), but I wrote it and I can’t take it back now. Based on THREE snippets (you’ll find those in bold), I present you THAT confession scene under the cut. 

I just want to point out one thing: I don’t think this is how the scene is going to go in the books. At all. I just had fun imagining James and Cordelia’s conversation on that Most Important Topic and tried to keep it as in character as possible, but I also know my Edwardian English is not the best. 

Without further ado, here are 2k words of Jordelia angst for you all <3 

Cordelia rang Risa for some tea. The boys would certainly require scones. As they settled around her drawing room’s table, Cordelia couldn’t help but notice they were starting this meeting without a key member.

“Where’s Lucie?” She asked no one in particular. She turned to James and he shrugged.

“Probably with Anna,” Matthew suggested. Hopefully with Anna, Cordelia thought. She knew Lucie had a secret. Now that James was out of the Institute, there was no way of knowing where her future parabatai was. If anything, Cordelia reprimanded herself silently, she was supposed to know.

“We should start without her,” James said. “Let’s get to it.”

“Grace will never talk to us. Not after last week,” Matthew declared. “We have to find another way.”

“I still don’t see why you think she won’t,” interrupted Christopher. “I am sure she will speak to Jamie, if he asks nicely. She was entirely amicable with me last month.”

“That was before what happened last week, Kit,” Thomas pointed out.

“Jamie can’t go. There is no point in even trying. It will be a waste of our time, time we don’t have. We need a different plan,” Matthew said.

“Why can’t Jamie go?” asked Kit innocently.

“We’ll never find a better—“ Tom was saying, but Cordelia cut him off.

“It’s of no consequence. James is free to go see Grace if he wishes to.”

She didn’t miss the furtive glance Matthew sent her way.

“I can accompany him,” Kit offered.

But James was shaking his head. “Daisy…”

She swallowed hard. “It would be beneath me to try and stop you.”

She would not be remembered as the villain in this story. Her husband, by the Angel, Cordelia still couldn’t believe it after a whole month of marriage… if staying away from Grace was so painful for James, as it was clear from his ghost-like pallor and his hollow eyes, Cordelia couldn’t very well ignore it. She would swallow whatever was left of her pride and her shattered honor and let him go. The mission was more important.

“I made you a promise. I told you I would keep it, and I am.”

If Cordelia hadn’t already been in love with him then, the intensity of his gaze as he delivered those words would’ve done it, surely.

“And I meant what I just said, James. I free you from that promise.”

Mathew, the only other person in the room who knew her secret and pitied her for it, was quick to intervene, to spare her the embarrassment of further discussion on the topic in front of their friends. “Then it’s settled. Jamie and Kit will both go. Tomorrow night, then we will need to regroup here.”

Lucie had never shown up, Cordelia thought after the Merry Thieves had gone. She would need to send her a message. Pondering where her friend had gotten herself, she didn’t notice James cornering her on the way to the master bedchamber, the room they both occupied as far as the Enclave was concerned. James had been courteous enough to let her take it since they wouldn’t need to share one.

“Daisy, we must speak.”

His golden eyes were fixed on her, fierce as a hawk’s gaze. She said, "It doesn’t matter what I said. I wanted them to leave you alone —"

"I don’t believe you," he said. She could feel the slight tremors running through his body — tremors of stress, that meant he was holding himself very still. Holding himself back. "You don’t say things you don’t mean, Daisy —“

“Oh, James. The Angel knows I do.” She took a deep breath and pointed to the Herondale ring on her finger. “Every day of my life I say things I don’t mean.”

“Yes, but not to me,” James said. “You are entirely honest with me, and that’s what I treasure the most about us. About this time. When we are here together, we don’t have to pretend.”

Cordelia’s heart broke. She averted her eyes for a second to focus on her feet, then met his again.

“James, you do not know how much it means to me that you try and pretend like you’re not sacrificing yourself for my sake in all this.”

There was nothing but honesty in his face. “What are you talking about, Daisy, if anything, it was you who did this for me, to save me from the Clave—“

“I am not referring to our marriage,” she said loudly. “I am referring to our promise. I am referring to the fact that you are doing your best to shield me from how much it pains you to keep it. Yet you are determined to keep it, because you are a man of honor, the best of men, no matter the consequences to your own heart.”

His voice softened. “Daisy, cariad—“

A part of her registered he’d never called her that before. It was a term she was used to hearing his parents use. But she had no time to ponder on its meaning at present.

“I can see that you have trouble sleeping at night. How miserable you’ve been. You’re a shadow of yourself, and it has nothing to do with your grandfather. If you miss her this much, you should go see her.”

“Cordelia,” he said, his tone suddenly serious, angry even. The change in name was not lost on her either. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“If you need to see—“ she forced herself to pronounce that name, “Grace, you should go see her.”

“Are you truly encouraging me to commit adultery?”

Internally, she laughed. “Do you believe me such a masochist? I am merely suggesting that you see her, instead of convincing yourself that you don’t want to.”

James dropped on the settee by the window. Cordelia remained standing, despite his silent request that she join him. He was so much taller than her that his head was at level with her chest. She tried not to think about it. James kept his hand on her arm. She was glad for its anchoring presence.

“I am your husband, Daisy,” he started.

“In name only,” she promptly reminded him.

James shook his head. “I placed marriage runes on you and my ring on your finger.” His own fingers touched the shape of the rune on her left arm.

“Rune,” she corrected again. “Just one.” Because you didn’t want the other.

“Cordelia.”

The intensity of his voice made her turn. His eyes were molten gold.

“We are married,” James continued. “You giving me permission to see Grace doesn’t mean I will go see her. I won’t betray your trust.”

“But the mission—“

“I’ll find another way. I would ask that you cease assuming what I am feeling or not feeling, I beg of you. It’s not being married to you that’s making me miserable. On the contrary.”

“Then what is?” She asked boldly. “James, you are wasting away. No one who loved you would want you to sacrifice your own happiness. I certainly don’t.”

“No, Daisy.” He shook his head again, more fervently this time.

“One of us should be happy, James.”

His fingers traced her arm. “By the Angel, Daisy, I am not unhappy with you. Please do not suggest the contrary. And besides, what do you think would happen? You may bless an adulterous union, but Grace is also engaged, and I doubt that dear Charles would be as magnanimous as you.”

Oh, but he would, Cordelia thought bitterly. No one was keeping James and Grace separated if not their own oaths. But she couldn’t tell James that, because she would need to expose Charles’ secret, and she wasn’t ready to do that as much as she was to expose her brother’s.

“Charles doesn’t need to know,” she lied quickly, although he appeared suddenly lost in thought. “You two could meet in secret tomorrow as per the plan.”

“What did you say?”

“That Charles doesn’t—“

“No, forget Charles. What did you say before? One of us should… gods, Daisy, are you miserable? Is that it? If so, tell me what I am doing wrong and I will do everything in my power and beyond to amend, bach.”

Another Welsh term she’d heard his family use. She shook her head. “There is nothing you can do. Seeing you happy will make me happy.” Only saying it felt like placing a dagger in her own chest.

“I know you dreamt of finding true love and this has shattered those dreams. But you can still have those things. You just need to find the right man and in a year you’ll be with him. I promise I will help.”

She was silent for a moment. Then she took a leap. “What if I’ve already found him?”

That took him by surprise. His eyes widened, he took his hand off her arm. “You… have? This must be even harder for you then. Who is it? If you wish to confide in me, of course.”

“You don’t wish to know, trust me.”

“No, I do. Am I not your friend, Daisy, before I am your husband? And did I not swear to fight your battles and to keep your secrets?”

“This one is better kept unsaid, for both our peace of mind.”

He seemed to consider their words carefully. After a minute of silence, he spoke, his voice calm. “I don’t want to push you. So you are determined not to share this with anyone else? Does Lucie know, at least?”

“No, she doesn’t. Matthew does, but that’s beside the point.”

“Matthew— why would you confide in Math and not me? Daisy, am I such a terrible friend to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. But don’t hold your breath, he doesn’t love me back, his affections lay elsewhere.”

“Nonsense. How can a man be indifferent to you?”

She was tired of this conversation, tired of lying to him… “James, can you close the door on your way out?”

“Of course.” He understood at once and instantly stood up from the settee. He towered over her for a moment. “If you wish to speak later, or play some chess before dinner, I’ll be in the other room.”

He made to leave, then turned back to her and before she knew what was happening, he cupped her cheek and kissed her there. His eyes were melancholy. “You mean the world to me, Daisy. I wish I could show you how much.”

He closed the door behind him as she had requested, but she was still frozen in place where he had left her. Her arm and her cheek where he had touched her felt like they were on fire. She was suddenly reminded of the passionate kiss they’d shared in the Whispering Room, and for the first time in a long time, Cordelia questioned her assumption. She freed her hair from their complicated ‘do. Her mind was racing.

She jumped toward her desk, where Lucie’s latest chapter of The Beautiful Cordelia lay half-unread. She gripped the pages and scanned them for a single word. She could swear she’d read it just two days ago… there it was. Characters who were so clearly based on Will and Tessa filled the pages of this chapter. “Cariad” the hero kept calling his long-lost love. “Bach,” she had exclaimed once they were reunited. Cordelia had never paid as much attention as she should have when the Herondales communicated in Welsh, but she wished she had.

Before she could think this through, she sprinted for the door. James was in their drawing room, a worn-out copy of Ovid’s Heroides in his hands.

“Had a change of heart?” he asked without looking up from his book.

“Hardly,” Cordelia said breathlessly.

“Mittor ad Alciden a coniuge conscia mentis / littera si coniunx Deianira tua est,” he read aloud, which slightly annoyed Cordelia. She wasn’t here for a lesson in mythology. And it was beneath James to flaunt his Latin unnecessarily. She remembered he’d made her promise to teach him Farsi, once they were married, but they hadn’t delved down that road so far.

“You know I don’t speak Latin, bach,” she said slowly, doing her best not to mispronounce the last word.

That undoubtedly got his attention and made him meet her eyes. “How fortunate that this text also offers a translation, then. It’s Deianira writing to Hercules after he abandoned her to be with another woman: A letter, that shares her feelings, sent to Alcides / By your wife, if Deianira is still your wife.”

“James, can we not discuss mythology at present?”

“What mythology?” he grinned as he pushed the book aside.

“I have a confession to make.” She walked toward him this time.

His eyes were gentle. “Only if you truly want to, Daisy.”

“I haven’t been entirely forthcoming with you all these months. That’s what’s making me miserable. I don’t want to lie to you, James, and I’m tired of doing so.”

“I’m listening.”

“I said I’d met the right man, and that at least wasn’t a lie. Do you know what it’s like, to have everything you’ve ever wanted but it’s just pretend?”

“Yes,” he said calmly. “I do.”

Grace, she thought, because they’d been together in secret for years, had almost run away together.

“No,” she replied, “You don’t. Not this way.”

James suddenly stood. “Will you quit saying what you think I feel or don’t feel? It’s the third time today, Daisy. If you wish to know something, just ask, do not assume.”

“But I already know. You’ve told me.”

James, you don’t love me, she had said. No, I don’t, he had replied after his haste proposal.

“You feel what you feel and I cannot fault you for it. I can hardly fault my own heart.”

“Daisy,” he said then. “What are you saying?”

She took another deep breath and jumped into the abyss. “It’s you, James. It’s always been you.” The earth beneath her threatened to swallow her whole. “I’ve loved you all my life.”

“You can’t mean—”

"I know it’s not what you want, but it won’t change anything between us. I’ve tried to stop, but I have been unsuccessful. This is my predicament and there is nothing either of us can do about it. We can stay friends and companions, the way we have these months. What if I just love you? What if I love you but I never touch you or talk about it, what would happen then?"

Cordelia wasn’t sure he was breathing. After an interminable time, his lips finally parted to say something.

She never knew what, because one moment he was there, his hand on her arm, and the next he was gone.

It appeared they hadn’t destroyed the shadow realm after all.

/// There you have it. Sorry for the cliffhanger. Sorry if you hated the entire story. Again, I kind of hate it too. If you enjoyed it, that makes me happy <3 I’ll go back to writing meta and speculation now. 

[thechangeling]

When no one's watching part 2: Kit wakes up

Kit woke to the feeling of something warm pressed against his chest and a bright flickering light. His memory was still a little hazy, but he was pretty sure he was lucky to be alive. Strangely enough, there was no pain. No indication of a wound of some kind. Tessa or Caterina must have fully healed him. Kit fully opened his eyes again sting to the light and finally saw what the warm lump was.

It was Ty.

Tiberius Nero Blackthorn was currently asleep on his chest.

Kit honestly had no idea what to make of that. Except that he should check to make sure he was actually awake. He was pretty sure he had a dream like that once.

Ty mumbled something in his sleep and nuzzled into Kit further, and Kit honestly could have sworn he felt something inside of him break. Ty looked so beautiful like this. So peaceful.

Of course Ty always looked beautiful, but there was a certain innocence to the way he looked now that was even more breathtaking. Offhandedly, Kit wondered how long he had been asleep, and how long Ty had been with him. He thought about getting up to search for Tessa or Jem, but he didnt want to wake Ty.

However, almost as if Ty had sensed that Kit was no longer asleep, Ty's breathing began to change, and slowly his eyes blinked open. Kit was frozen for a few seconds before he remembered to breathe.

Ty broke into a brilliant smile. "You're awake!" He exclaimed. And despite his confusion, Kit couldn't help but smile back.

Kit shrugged, "Yeah Ty. I'm awake. You mind telling me exactly why you're here?" He asked, and instantly regretted it when he saw the look on Ty's face. Before Kit could apologize, at was pulling himself off the bed.

"You're right. I'm- I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-" Ty was stumbling over his words, his fingers fluttering at his sides. "I'll go get Tessa and Jem if you want" he said. Kit shook his head frantically.

He had no idea why Ty was here but Kit was determined not to waste his second chance.

"No wait, Ty please-" Kit fought the urge to reach for him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that" he pleaded. Ty looked up at him, hopeful. Kit took a much needed breath and slowly reached for Ty's hand pulling him back down. Ty didn't flitch away from his touch, which Kit counted as a good sign.

"I want you to stay. I just don't understand why you came" Kit explained. "I thought you were mad at me?" Ty stared back at him for a moment. Kit couldn't read the expression on his face. When Ty finally spoke, it was so soft Kit hardly registered it.

"I was mad at you" Ty said. "For a really long time. I was furious that you swore you wouldn't leave me and then you did exactly that." Ty sounded like he was trying not to cry. "The worst thing you could ever possibly do to me, is lie. To go back on your word like it means nothing."

Kit felt his heart lurch.

"I-. Kit, I tend to be quite gullible" Ty choaked. "When people tell me things, I believe them."

Kit couldn't help but remember the story Livvy told him about Paige.

"I've gotten better at reading people as I've gotten older, but I guess it's still a work in progress" Ty laughed humourlessly. Kit swallowed down a sob. He wanted to tell Ty that it wasn't like that. That he never meant to lie to him, that he wasn't trying to take advantage of him.

That Kit loved him more than anything else in the world.

But he just couldn't get the words out. Ty looked away and sighed. "And then, when you told that you wished you had never met me, I guess I believed that too" he finished solemnly.

Kit clutched at Ty's hand, lacing their fingers together. "No! No Ty." He pleaded. "I'm so sorry about what I said and I'm sorry I left. I just was freaking out" he finished lamely. "You weren't listening to me and I didnt know what to do."

Ty met his gaze, his eyes were full of tears. "Kit I know I went to far. I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you." Ty reached for Kit with his free hand, brushing his curls away from his face.

I love you Kit wanted to say. I love you I love you I lov-

"I was just so focused on getting her back" Ty continued. "I couldn't think of anything else. I should have listened to you." Kit smiled.

He knew how much it meant for Ty to admit he was wrong.

He also offhandedly wondered where Livvy was. She usually didnt stray far from Ty.

"Can I ask you something though?" Ty's voice broke through his thoughts. Kit nodded.

Ty was staring directly into Kit's eyes when he asked, "do you love me?" He looked scared, as if he wasn't sure what the answer would be.

Kit stared back at him dumbfounded. Didn't Ty already know? Had he not been listening when Kit told him? And even if he hadn't, could Ty see the way Kit looked at him? The way he hung on to his every word like it was gospel. The way he only seemed to fully come alive whenever Ty was around.

Kit felt as though it was written all over him. Like it was seered into his skin. Couldn't Ty see it?

Kit was just about to answer when Ty cut him off. "Because I love you Kit" he whispered. And in that moment Kit could have sworn his heart had stopped.

He let out a shakey exhale that probably sounded more like a sob. Ty leaned forward and captured Kit's face in his hands. He studied his lips for a moment and Kit held his breath.

"Don't cry Christopher" Ty murmered. "I love you." And before Kit could respond, Ty closed the distance between their lips. He kissed him softly as if he was almost afraid of breaking Kit.

Which wasn't ok at all.

Kit returned the kiss passionately, sucking on Ty's bottom lip and wrapping his arms around him tightly, pulling Ty close. Their kisses grew more heated as Kit let his lips part and Ty slipped his tongue inside his mouth. Kit moaned, digging his nails into Ty's shoulders.

As they continued to kiss feverishly, Kit ran his hand down Ty's chest and eventually bumped up against something cold and metal. Kit broke the kiss, opening his eyes.

In between his fingers was the pendent of his mother's Herondale necklace. The one he gave to Ty.

Ty was wearing his family heirloom. And despite the fact that Kit knew it was only to protect Ty from the effects of the spell on Livvy, it still made Kit feel a certain tug at his heartstrings.

He smiled, dropping the pendent and placing his hand over Ty's heart. "I love you Ty" Kit said for the second time. "I love you."

Ty smiled one of his beautiful breathtaking smiles. "I thought so" he said lightly. "I just had to make sure. The words I love you can mean all sorts of different things, and a part of me was worried that maybe you only said it to get me to stop." He confessed.

Kit sighed, looking away from Ty. Guilt crept up inside of him. "Maybe that was partly why" he admitted. "But it's also true! Ty I swear!" He still didnt feel comfortable saying "I swear on the angel" for some reason.

Ty shook his head. "No it's fine. I understand that you were scared. How about we both agree to leave the past in the past and move forward?"

Kit nodded in agreement. He found himself reaching for the necklace again, tracing the outline of the heron. Ty looked down at Kit's fingers, smiling softly.

"You know I hated wearing this before" Ty finally said, breaking the silence. "When I thought you were mad at me, and when I was mad at you for being gone, it was just a painful reminder. But now I think I kind of like having your symbol around my neck." Ty reached for Kit's hand, prying his fingers away from the necklace and interlocking them with his own. "It makes me feel like I'm yours" Ty whispered. "Like I belong to you."

Kit was pretty sure his brain was short circuiting. There were a million things he wanted to do in that moment. He wanted to kiss Ty in a way that so rough and deep and dirty that it made him moan into Kit's mouth like he did before. He wanted to leave marks all over Ty's body that lasted for days. He also wanted to pull him into his arms and tell him how wonderful he was and how much Kit loved him.

Kit however, did none of those things. He took some deep breaths and then looked Ty directly in the eyes.

"Is that what you want? Do you want us to be together Ty?"

And although Kit was pretty sure he knew the answer, it still made his heart sing when he heard Ty's response.

"Of course."

[kitsword]

TSC ships and characters as songs from folklore

Jessa as Cardigan 

 “I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs, the smell of smoke would hang around this long. Cause I knew everything when I was young, I knew I'd curse you for the longest time. Chasing shadows in the grocery line. I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired And you'd be standing in my front porch light, and I knew you'd come back to me. And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed you put me on and said I was your favorite”

 Cecily Herondale - Lightwood as The last great american dynasty

“There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen, she had a marvelous time ruining everything. They say she was seen on occasion, pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea. And in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green”

Heronstairs as Exile

“It took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it. Holdin' all this love out here in the hall. I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending. You're not my homeland anymore so what am I defendin' now? You were my town now I'm in exile seein' you out. You'd get your knuckles bloody for me. Second, third, and hundredth chances, balancin' on breaking branches. Those eyes add insult to injury. I'm not your problem anymore so who am I offending now?”

Jessamine Lovelace as My tears ricochet

“ Even on my worst day did I deserve, babe all the hell you gave me? Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you till my dying day.  You wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me. I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home. And you can aim for my heart, go for blood but you would still miss me in your bones”

Kit Rook Herondale as Mirrorball

“ I want you to know I'm a mirrorball, I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. I'll get you out on the floor, shimmering beautiful and when I break it's in a million pieces. I can change everything about me to fit in. I'm still on that tightrope, I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. I'm still a believer but I don't know why. I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try. I'm still on that trapeze, I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me”

Kierarktina as Seven

“Sweet tea in the summer. Cross your heart, won't tell no other. And though I can't recall your face, I still got love for you. Your braids like a pattern, love you to the moon and to Saturn. Passed down like folk songs the love lasts so long. I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. Your dad is always mad and that must be why and I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates. Then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet. And just like a folk song our love will be passed on”

Wessa (also a little Heronstairs) as This is me trying

“I've been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that. They told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential. My words shoot to kill when I'm mad. Pourin' out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey. It's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you”

Jemma/Blackdale as Invisible string

“All along there was some invisible string tying you to me? Time, mystical time; Cutting me open, then healing me fine. Were there clues I didn't see?  A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar. Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven”

Emma Carstairs as Mad woman

“What did you think I'd say to that? Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? They strike to kill and you know I will. Does she smile? Or does she mouth "fuck you forever"? Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy. What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry and there's nothing like a mad woman. Women like hunting witches, too doing your dirtiest work for you. It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

Tessa Gray Herondale Carstairs as Epiphany

“Something med school did not cover. Someone's daughter, someone's mother. Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen. With you, I serve, with you, I fall down”

Malec as Betty

“The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you. But if I just showed up at your party, would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything but I know I miss you. I was nowhere to be found, I hate the crowds, you know that.  The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you. So, I showed up at your party. Will you have me? Will you love me?”

Collinwood as Peace

“I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? Give you my wild, give you a child. Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother is it enough?”

Clace as Hoax

“Screaming, "Give me a reason". Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue but you no other sadness in the world would do. I am ash from your fire. You know I left a part of me back in New York, you knew the hero died, so what's the movie for. You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart”

[talesfromunderland]

The First on the Line.

Everyone saw the world differently: its people, places, the good and bad things. Everyone reacted to their surroundings differently: whether with violence, patience or indifference. It all depended on the person, the way they’d being shaped by the world and themselves.

Ty knew all of it perfectly.

He had never understood the world around him so he made his own. In his reading books, the observations, the searchs, almost everything he did had purpose for his life, not just a hobby or something to pass the time as his entire family did, except Livvy; she had always known the reasons for Ty's "hobbies" and because of that, had always been first one to jump on his defence when some of his experiments went wrong.

But most importantly, he didn't understand people and they didn't understand him. Most of them would give up and ignore him after failing the first time and while his family never gave up, Ty could sometimes swear he could feel their moments of frustration deep in his core. He may had been imagining it, but the thought never left him, filling him with endless sadness and bitterness.

But the golden-haired boy... He was something Ty hadn't seen in such a long time. Maybe ever.

He was patient and kind. He would be grumpy and a little irritated with everyone around him. Flashing wicked smiles and making sarcastic comments that had left Ty cocking his head while everyone else just rolled their eyes and kept on with their conversations. But he was never like that with Ty. Kit never treated Ty like he could break at any moment, like almost all the Blackthorns and friends did, but as if the world was in another language and Kit was looking to translate every single thing, just for him. If Ty didn't understand something, Kit would explain it without hesitation.

No frustrated groans or annoyed eye-rolling.

Just infinite kindness, understanding and selflessness.

He made Ty feel...warm, safe and something else. A feeling he wasn't at all used to; yet couldn’t help but love.

It was strange, being with someone like Kit. Ty had always desired for adventures and mysteries but now he couldn't imagine doing any of it without the fair-haired boy at his side. This boy who didn't push him to be like everyone else but to shine the brightest just as he was. This boy who understood and helped Ty from the moment they met. Something strangers, people out of the Blackthorns’ circle of friends and family rarely did.

So when time past, he wasn’t at all surprised to realize the wrongness of ever excluding Kit of anything. A mistake, just as it would be wrong to exclude Emma or Cristina from the family picture. It couldn't be done without a noticeable a hole left behind.

He told Kit as much. 

They had been lying on a couch when he did, talking as always in their little apartment. Ty had been staring at the ceiling, watching ever single detail of the light and dust while ever conscious of the other boy’s head resting on his shoulder. It was so peaceful and quiet expect for their voices that Ty wondered for a second if there truly was a world outside of this reality.

Their conversations quickly shifted to preparations and schedules. Emma and Julian’s wedding was already approaching rapidly and Kit and Ty were painfully behind in...well, almost everything. Kit insisted he kept forgetting to prepare, that his mind wasn’t in the right place lately and the hunts didn’t help. And whilel Ty could the truth in his words, he also didn't fail to see they were only halves.

He didn’t miss a chance to point it out or to cut off Kit the opportunity with coming up with an excuse. He had been told before that the rare moments he made eye contact with people, however brief, with the right intensity, could make them tell him everything, willingly or not. It had never happened with Kit, who only ever looked at him as if he were the moon (Dru’s words, not his), but with the question burning in Ty’s eyes, soon enough the golden haired boy was spilling everything.

He felt there was no need in him going, thinking nobody would notice his presence or even his absence. It was Emma and Julian’s moment, but most importantly, it was for the family. It was an important moment for them, he said. A special moment, not some small like dinner or Christmas but a wedding, made for the family and closest people. That he didn’t deserve to be among them. He said other things but Ty didn't listen, point made perfectly clear.

Kit believed no one would notice him.

Kit believed he was of no importance whatsoever in Ty’s family. That people wouldn’t ask of him as they did every single time he was absent at something.

Was Kit mad?

If that’s what Kit believed after all those years, then Ty didn’t know if anything he said would make a difference. But if there was something he learned from him, from his family, it was to speak the truth of the heart in it’s purest form (if only to avoid disastrous consequences).

“You only see yourself as something to be ignored just because you believe it, not because it’s true. You are kind, strong and powerful, and could never go unnoticed without failure, and no, it’s not because of the hair,” he’d said, smiling a little when Kit chuckled, and more broadly when the other boy said, “Maybe just a tiny bit?”

Ty continued. “You were certainly not raised on the best environment. Your childhood wasn’t the most ideal and neither was your father. But you’re here, good and kind. While people may not noticed you as they notice Julian, or as I do, they still ask for you. They worry. There’s no possible way ever, no existing universe, where there isn't a space just for you to occupy. You’re not no one, Kit. Jem, Tessa and Mina are proof to that. I am proof to that.”

Unshed tears glisten in Kit’s eyes and while Ty wasn’t completely sure of the gravity of his words, he was certain he struck a cord on his sarcastic boyfriend’s heart.

Just like Irene before going to bed, Kit curled by Ty’s side, head resting on his lap and at ease. He drew little circles with his fingers on Ty’s jean and he return the gesture, running his fingers through Kit’s silky yellow hair. Soon enough, he was asleep, snoring only slightly, the sound making something ache deep on Ty’s chest.

To the world, Kit would most likely always be snarky, stubborn Herondale who couldn’t keep a joke to himself.

For Ty, he would always be the boy who never hesitated at extending him a hand in friendship, and who could forever believe he didn’t deserve love when he was in reality the first on the line.

Merry Christmas @proudnerd7, and a happy New Year! I am your secret santa and i really hope I didn't screw this up 😅. And thank you to @purple-haired-faerie for making the secret santa happen, this as been my very first tumblr Christmas and it has been so much fun, i don't know if this is done every year but if it isn't, we definitely should do it every year.

[fireheartblackthorn]

SPOILER REVIEW OF LORD OF SHADOWS

* This is my second time reading Lord of Shadows

STARTED: 12/01/19 FINISHED: 21/01/19

I have so many feelings, probably too many feelings on this book and I gotta get them off of my chest, holyyyyyy. All I’m saying is that I would sacrifice myself to save the Blackthorn family, they deserve the entire freaking world, I adore this series so much. Honestly one of my favourite series I’ve ever read, it still doesn’t beat TID (Cassie Clare went above and beyond on that trilogy) but its deFINITELY UP THERE. These characters, this plot, everythinggggg about this damn book got me. I have bookmarked and sticky-noted specific parts of the book that hit me right in the feels ( Both gOOD AND BAD EMOTIONS) and here they areeeeee!!

THINGS I LIKED (in particular):

* Christina, Mark and Kieran’s relationship. I was a sucker for Mark and Kieran in lady midnight + was super conflicted about mark falling for christina but woahhhh is it weird to ship them all together?? Lol idc, i still do. They all just fit together, so nicely. Ngl I’m low-key worried about whats going to happen to Kieran, I feel awful for him. Now that he know’s the truth, and he didn’t even testify but he’ still being hunted by the unseelie court, he can’t return to faerie nor can he stay in Idris and he wants things done with Mark. That gets me!!! I love how Christina is able to calm both of these angsty faerie boys ;)

* The low-key (but kinda not even low-key) throwbacks to TID and Will’s generation (JUST ALL OF THE WILL + Jem bits). I love how Clare kept referring to Jessamine in the London Institute, and the small will bits. No character as ever affected me the same way will herondale has, and how Kit was talking about “some idiot called will” who wrote in all the first editions and how Emma was looking at a picture of jem and will together. I feel like i’m dying whenever their relationship is mentioned. When tessa was advising Emma on getting someone to stop loving you, I just realised she was referring to what Will tried to do in TID. :( Alsooo, um how tf is Bridget still alive!!!!!!! She’s actually ancient and I’m confusedddd. When Bridget giggles at the plate of scones + she’s thinking of Sophie and Gideon aw

* Gwyn Ap Nudd! (+ Diana’s relationship) Those two have single-handedly made me believe in love. I love how Gwyn Ap Nudd may be the ancient leader of the wild hunt and yet he’s still a good “man” who shows kindness to Mark, and has honour. I wish everyone was like Gwyn. My favourite part of this freaking book was Gwyn being all cute and shy to Diana when he asks her on a date. Adorable!

* Diana’s back story. She deserves the entire freaking world, I hope she’s able to sort it out with the clave, I don’t want it to be used against her in the future. And I’m so glad she found someone like Gwyn who likes her and doesn’t care that she was born in a man’s body.

* The gayness in this book + the LGBTQ+ representation. We loving raging bisexuals, lesbians, gays, pansexuals + transgender peeps. AND I STAN A WOKE AUTHOR

* Lol all I could think of when kit, ty and livvy went to blackthorn manor was how it was originally the lightwood’s house and thus the worm house. All that was going through my head was HAH ITS THE WORM HOUSE

* Freaking mark + kieran’s language, + post-faerie talk + actions (if that makes sense). Like when Mark was staring distrustfully at the garden gnome, equally parts hilarious and cute

* Emma’s talk, easy-going nature: she reminds me of will lowkey and wow I’M CRYING AGAIN. Her ability to difuse tension in situations and her wit made me enjoy this book so much more. Maybe she even reminds Jem of his parabatai aw.

* TIBERIUS BLACKTHORN AND CHRISTOPHER HERONDALE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE END

* The poetry that was Julian’s feelings and words towards Emma. It was beautiful, and he’s such a soft boi. Especially when he talked about how they were made from the same stardust, how freaking adorable!!

THINGS I DISLIKED:

* How believable it was that the cohort was plausible and full of facists and bigots, I bloody hated Zara Dearborn (to the point of swearing at my book). Its too realistic that a group like that can exist within the nephilim, and how it can exist in the real world. I read fantasy books to escape reality, and suddenly I feel so attacked by these characters. If I wanted this bullcrap I’d just read the news omg. (how do you make me feel this way cassandra)

* People (namely bridget) being rude to my girl Dru about her weight, she cute and curvy

* Dru lying to Jamie about her age, well not exactly lying but hiding it from him. I kind of just wish she had let him know who she was. I mean I get that she wants to be treated like an older person and not as a baby but ughhhh.

* FREAKING LIVVY DYING OFC AND PUTTING HER LIFE ON THE LINE LIKE THAT. I knew this part was coming and yet I still sobbed and dampened the pages with my freaking tears. I know that it was in Livvy’s nature to stand up and go to help her brother like that, but it doesn’t make it any better. Ty’s reaction as well, after he just agreed to be her parabatai. It was just after their family got reunited also :(. It kills me that to Julian its like he’s lost his own daughter, his baby sister and when he was cradling her and calling out for her to wake up :((((((( But then I think of how Livvy said that legend has it, when the clock chimes the hour the gates of heaven open for a moment. Livvy died when the clock chimed the hour + now I know that she’s up there at peace

* The fact that at the ending, Kit still doesn’t know what’s happened to Livvy, he just thinks something bad has happened in the chamber

* NOW THAT I’M REREADIng I know that Julian thinking about future life watching everyone growing up with Emma by his side is not gonna happen bc livvy is dead and it cuts my heart out at the hope he has that his family will be happy and reunited and safe

* I thought at first that Christina was a pretty boring character, kind of there to be able to patch up the loose ends and hold the team together but in hindsight, she’s pretty freaking incredible and I think this book more so shows that off and her qualities, than Lady Midnight does. It's a freaking talent to be that understanding and empathetic, her ability to do that beyondddd impressed and shook, kind of like how Keiran is feeling about her

* I don’t like hOW MUCH I FEEL sorry for Malcolm, He was so warped and caught up in his love, his need for vengeance, his hate and grief to be able to mourn Annabel, let go of the past and move on. I mean I’d have a pretty tough time doing that too but how his love for her eventually killed him was so awful. I couldn’t believe it the first time I read that part.

* How Annabel killed Robert, his death was like meh at first, okay. But at the same time, Alec’s reaction broke my heart + he was going to help Emma and Julian!! I don’t know if he had the time to start preparing for her exile but probably not and now the next inquisitor probably won’t react the same way

STILL 5/5 OVERALL, I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH.