#kisa why

[2ghosts]

let's dance!!

[knightinsmilingarmor]

monolithic juggernaut, I’m the illegitimate son of god

[ayeyoitsauto]

📳

[kisaxiii]

I wish everyone listing the tea items at ridiculously high prices for the new plot game a very die

[protect-namine]

I am about to start a neji route (because I feel that I need at least three playthroughs to fully understand neji and his plays, so I can't leave him for last). so my thoughts on this may change, but for the moment, my thesis is that neji and kisa are the same kind of thespian, just in different fonts.

(I am slightly exaggerating kisa'a character here. there are hints and I do think pushing the envelope of what her character could be is part of what makes kisa... kisa. as I'll explain later, for better and worse, kisa is constrained by the conventions of being an otome heroine.)

anyway. in essence. neji turns Other Persons into stories,

and kisa turns Other Persons into performances,

while they both simultaneously run away from, avoid, or sacrifice Becoming Persons themselves, for the sake of theater

or maybe it's the other way around. something something discovery if not recognition of the self through the other... except they're both unreliable narrators so who's to say if the recognition actually takes hold, really. kisa at least is a little bit self aware. neji, on the other hand, deals with realizations of the self through writing, without actually processing them (e.g. ms robin, domina, etc).

I keep thinking about (novel) kisa closing her eyes and feeling like her sense of self would melt away until tsuki centers her and gives her theater as a way to heal from the grief of losing her mother. it happens again during tsuki's univeil performance: kisa curling in on herself and tsuki pulling her back to theater as way to help kisa move forward with her dreams. pretending to be others is more fun than being herself.

and then there is neji (insert spiderman pointing at spiderman meme). but in his case, he would rather play eccentric roles, caricatures, comic relief, than be a Person With Depth on stage. neji is always either a seer of some kind (a fortune teller, a ghost who sees 10 seconds into the future) or a bit character (employee A), or... whatever he initially planned for domina. he is the mechanic behind the stage, but never the lead actor. his vulnerabilities do not need to "stolen" for the story, though others' are fair game.

kisa does not think about gender as it applies to herself in her daily life (mostly) and only sees it through the lens of acting and theater. how does she act mukai vs maiden, charles vs chicchi? the same way that neji does not think about the motifs and characters he writes as a window to himself, but rather as objects to be put on stage. rukiora is based on a younger neji, mary jane is I Am Death: Revisited (mary jane is to takihime as gashadokuro is to jacob), sissia is always meant to be the foil to I Am Death. but neji doeen't really understand that just like how he didn't understand oh rama havenna. sissia (kisa route, jack jeanne ver) is to kisa as domina is to neji.

literally kisa at her most extreme is just theater thoughts 24/7

kisa "I don't like being me; I'd rather be other people" tachibana 🤝 kokuto "I need to experiment and witness visions I can't create or I'll die" neji: this is a totally sane and Normal way to cope with abandonment and grief 👍

(it is not implied in the game, but since kisa turned to theater to cope with grief as a child, I wonder if the reason she never looks too deeply into tsuki's disappearance is because she's once again using theater as an excuse to conveniently Not Think About It. out of sight, out of mind. tsuki must be doing well, wherever he is, whatever it is he's doing.)

there is also the meta perspective of how kisa in-game inhabits a role where the player can (and is expected to) self-insert. otome dictates that protagonist kisa must be malleable to the player (who can choose to focus on a variety of relationships in her stead), and the plot dictates that actor kisa must be malleable to her stage roles (jack or jeanne, maiden or hero, flower or vessel), and novel kisa dictates that kisa must malleable to pretending to be other people because it's more preferable to being herself.

every thought she has about herself must be tied to acting, somehow. kisa's personhood is defined through stagecraft. she is the maiden, and mukai, and charles, and chicchi, and sissia. she can romance anyone in the school, of the player's choosing. she can be jack, and jeanne, and jack jeanne. don't get me wrong; kisa is her own character and has a strongly defined personality, but the story also demands for her to be malleable. a painting and a blank canvass at the same time.

neji externalizes where kisa internalizes. where kisa Must Perform™ to function and to avoid herself, neji Must Create™ to function and to avoid himself. scriptwriter neji dictates that neji must use everything at his disposal — his memories, his classmates, his obscure knowledge — as inspiration for stories. director neji dictates that he must use everything he knows about his actors — their complexes, their relationships, their weaknesses and strengths — as inspiration for stories. from the cook (mitsuki) needing apricots for a recipe and wanting to harvest honey from a beehive, to mary jane (fumi) being good at sewing and wanting an equal in jacob. suzu and sou fighting and developing a rivalry leads to jire and fugio fighting over chicchi. kai limits himself as a vessel in hasekura, and kai learns to embrace his desires as the priest. from the water/ocean/drowning themes, to rukiora being based on neji's younger self, and her family life and relationship with domina.

every thought neji has must be tied to stories, somehow. neji's personhood is scattered through stagecraft. the more you read his plays and lyrics, the more you get a glimpse of who he is. it is to the point that neji himself doesn't... really see how his stories reflect himself. ms robin being a "random" song the jazz lounge singer sings thay hasekura and ando can dance to, oh rama havenna being a so-so throwaway play that neji doesn't understand why it's entertaining. lmao. neji, please.

and this is why when problems arise, neji becomes a demanding director and kisa becomes a chameleon actor with a shaky sense of self (we don't really see this a lot because jack jeanne is not that dark of a story and kisa is still an otome heroine of an uplifting game, but it's a reasonable conclusion if you push hard on the kisa from neji's "good morning" exercise, or kisa going ham on method acting as charles. kinda wish the game explored more of that. I think a very stressed kisa can get lost in method acting, just as a very stressed neji is almost paralyzed by the fear of the death of talent).

idk where I was going with this. just. them. they have the same issues, just in different fonts. and I think that's actually what first attracts neji to kisa. kisa "steals" (to borrow neji's own words) just like him. kisa is a fountain of inspiration, an ever changing muse. and neji provides kisa with an endless amount of prompts and characters for her to inhabit. kisa does like to play pretend a lot. that's why she's in theater!

kisa and neji: Art Imitates Life people stuck in a Life Imitates Art video game

ANYWAY usual disclaimer that I'm jotting down livebloghing thoughts and I know some spoilers to neji's route but I'm only just about to actualy start his playthrough so. yeah. this was drafted all the way back in may lol, opinions may change and all that

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

adapting all my GI ocs into my original world and telling a story that I want to tell has been fun.

That being said I still haven't figured out how amant Kisa lost his arm. I know in GI it literally DISSOLVED from delusion use and the blood loss of losing it nearly killed him until he was blessed and saved by receiving his vision.

He's kept being quite religious because he thanks religion for saving him in general. But the arm??? still working on that angle.

[garoujo]

if he looked at me like this i’d literally cum mm mmmm cause wth ໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝☆ﻌ☆⸝⸝꒱ྀི১ HELP JAHJGAJAKAL UHKANNNNA KAKAKJAK

[kettle-flakes]

I won't replay that fumi scene, I won't replay that fumi scene, I won't replay that fumi scene, I wo-

*replays it over and over again*

[whimsicorner]

I started playing Jack Jeanne and I'm not finished yet so I can't say much about it (I'm having fun tho!)

I will say that just as a personal preference thing, it would add an extra flavor to the game if Kisa was some flavor of trans (her moment of disquiet when she realizes she's lost track of her sense of who 'Kisa' is after acting in different roles, her fear of really letting herself act in a female role in case she accidentally outs herself to her friends, her fear that they'll reject her for hiding herself, Shirota saying that he'll accept her no matter what, etc etc). Kisa works fine as a girl learning how to transcend gender roles as an actor, etc, but it's tempting to poke genderfluid Kisa with a stick....

The game feels pretty alright about gender things but as a queer guy myself I keep thinking "I'm curious how this school's admin would handle a trans masc kid, especially one that wasn't handpicked by the principal..." And I think it'd be kind of cute for 2nd or 3rd year Kisa to meet a 1st year who's almost but not quite an echo of herself (with the difference being 1) he doesn't know who Tsuki is and 2) trans masc) and idk if any of this is a coherent thought but basically a little hamster wheel in my head is spinning and I have to make myself finish the game before I can play with fic HAHA the kids getting a shock that the newest baby first years don't know Tsuki at all

Right now I'm almost to December and working on getting to the Suzu route because I think he's funny and cute but I'm really tempted to start a new file already for the solo route I've been hearing about....I wish to see it...

Also I was like I know it's not that funny but I do think it'd be kind of funny if people figured Kisa out but then thought she was a trans boy instead of a girl in disguise (this goes back to me wondering what school admin would be like about trans students if they, like, existed. Rhodonite is the way it is, so it hopefully wouldn't be...that bad...? They're pretty chill about boys doing whatever they want with self expression)

[nkogneatho]

Can you cum just by playing with your nipples? Payback 😘

you can if you take your time. but you would need a lot of patience. also slight friction is needed for your pussy. you can just try contracting your vagina or rubbing your thighs a little

[aparticularbandit]

So I started the dub of Fruits Basket again.

Forgetting, of course, that the primary theme is about life changing and having to be okay with letting go of the past even though the future is uncertain.

More importantly, forgetting that one of the main threads of this throughout the series is Tohru's grief (and guilt) over her mother's death.

....

Well, you know what, my therapist told me to engage with grief as homework the past couple of weeks, so between this and starting Anohana again I THINK IT COUNTS.

[landofanimes]

Opening of the stage play Fruits Basket 2nd season

Featuring theme song "Prism"

[kisaxiii]

.

[protect-namine]

oh rama havenna is like if neji played persona 4 and decided to make a play where everyone faces their shadow. oh rama havenna as a persona 4 dungeon except it's everyone's dungeon. and yes, it's televised (shown to a public audience who paid to see them be vulnerable onstage)

[couldbebetterforsure]

Man....The way Kisa's acting for Sissia changed so noticeably after she recognized her love for Suzu is so similar to how Suzu's acting for Chance changed once he accepted he was in love with Kisa. They both have a new level genuine tenderness and intensity to all they say, especially since they are both essentially just using their characters' lines to confess their honest feelings for each other. Compared to how they both individually struggled (Suzu when he was hiding his feelings and Kisa when she had trouble properly matching Suzu's passion), their new acting is sooooo adorable. Let me write out some of Kisa and Suzu's lines in this scene because of how lovely it was!

Kisa, in her thoughts: "I'm sure Sissia had something she wanted to say too. Something about her feelings deep inside her heart. Feelings that were just as strong as Chance's. Hey, Suzu. I..."

Kisa, as Sissia: "I love you too."

Suzu: "Huh...?"

Kisa, as Sissia: "Your bright enthusiasm, how you can get along with anyone...How you make weird mistakes when you talk, and how you feel passionately about things. How you get angry sometimes, how pure you are, and how you always give me so much energy. Your gentle eyes, how tall you are, I love all of that."

Suzu: "Tachibana..."

Kisa, in her thoughts: "Chance, Suzu..."

Kisa, as Sissia: "I love all of that!"

Suzu, after spending a few moments blindsided by all that like the lovesick puppy he is, as Chance: "Hearing that is making me feel embarrassed. But...I'm happy."

Like I genuinely can't tell if these two are aware their love is reciprocated and this whole thing is them flirting with each other before one of them gets the courage to truly confess or what. I would believe anything at this point, these two dummies make me so happy! I love them and I love their love, I need them to have the happiest life together!!!

Anyways, I'm glad watching Quartz's rehearsal helped Kasai and Mare out with their own troubles. Kasai can better understand why the third years would forgo their own chance to shine on stage for the last time by giving the lead roles to first years. And Mare now has actual motivation to put effort in the rehearsals because he loves his brother and wants to perform with him, because Mare was inspired to attend Univeil after watching Tsukasa perform like Kisa was inspired by Tsuki. Also poor Suzu getting jealous about Mare hugging Kisa 😂

But uh oh....now Suzu's back to being awkward when acting with Kisa....but only with the final kiss scene??? Suzu, baby, what's going on now?????

[garoujo]

Don’t mind baby Reo, just focus on Nagi 🤤

THE WAY MY EYES DROPPED TO RIGHT ABOVE HIS WAISTBAND ! MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY ໒꒰ྀི◜ ཅ ◝ ꒱ྀི১◞♡ i’m floating to heaven rn !!! <3