#kind of sad i got rid of the drool but whatever

[uwumoth]

request for anon! i know you asked for more of a scene type thing but.... i am lazy so they're just chilling on da couch :P

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Took You Long Enough | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by @faithiebrock01​: Can you make one where Charlie and I are best friends (who secretly like each other, but are super oblivious and everyone around us can see it) on set of JATP and we end up having to do my car crash scene where get in the car accident (because in the show I die a few weeks after they do in the show, but I did in the accident also make that my character knew them before). When the scene ends with me in the hospital bed slowly dying, Charlie runs off looking sad. He then won't come out of his trailer for anyone until I get there saying "I'll handle it" to the crew member who was previously trying. I go in lay with him on his bed and ask him what's wrong then he says "it seemed so real" while crying and I calm him down then we end up confessing love for each other and then falling asleep cuddling. My name: y/n My nicknames: sweetheart, sweetie, love, Princess, queen, angel, nugget (Or whatever you can think of.)

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x female!reader

Warnings: Hospital scene, mention of a car crash, fluff 

Words: 2043

A/N: This was cute to write! I worked on it during an online class so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes in there! Hope you like it!! :) 

Four years. Four years I’ve known Charlie Gillespie. Four years of us being best friends and only now we’re colleagues too. The both of us had booked Julie and the Phantoms a couple of months ago, and we’re now spending time together every day on set. It’s also been four years of me having the biggest crush on Charlie, but I will not tell him that. It’s just going to ruin our friendship and the dynamic in our friend group on set. The cast and crew have gotten close during the process of the bootcamp and filming. They constantly tease Charlie and me for having such a close relationship and that we should just date already. Charlie had laughed it off, and so I started to do it too. “Ready to go?” Charlie asks when he picks me up from my trailer before filming. I’d just gotten back from hair and makeup, and I was rehearsing my lines in the trailer to make sure I’ve gotten it down perfectly. “Yes! Let’s go.” He links his arm in mine as we walk off, letting the silence wrap around us in comfort. “What other scenes do you have today?” I ask, wanting to occupy my mind with something other than his skin touching mine. “I got some with the boys and Madi, and tonight, we’re doing the hot dog scene.” I pout, remembering that’s the scene where he’s going to die. Fake die. But still. It’s kind of sad. “Cool,” I respond with a smile, “Was going to ask you if you wanted to go grab dinner tonight, but I guess your hotdogs are dinner.” He snickers, and I can’t help but laugh too, hiding the fact my heart is racing. To me, his laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world. “Yeah, I doubt that’s a great idea,” he replies, “But I’d love to grab lunch? What time are you on break?” I bring my schedule in front of me in my mind, trying to remember it. “I think around two? Depending on how long the hospital scene will take.” Charlie nods his head, clearly thinking about how to make it work for us to eat lunch together. “I think we’re going to do the hospital scene too, so when we wrap that, we might be able to go?” “Yeah, sounds good!” I reply and let go off his arm as we reach the other boys and Kenny, ready for the first couple scenes of the day. “We’re going to do the Now or Never scene first,” Kenny tells the boys, to which they nod. “Y/N, you can watch from the side where their best-friend-slash-manager would be.” I nod my head curtly, telling him I understand his orders. “Give it your all, Rockstar,” I say to Charlie and bump my fist against his shoulder. He simply smiles at me, that perfect, award-winning smile that makes me go weak in the knees before I head off to my spot at the side of the stage. The four boys on stage are drenched in fake sweat at the start, and then rock out so hard on the first take, real sweat starts dripping down their faces. Charlie’s hair’s sticking to his forehead and his muscles gleam and glisten with sweat. I hope the camera won’t catch me drooling over my best friend’s hotness. Charlie himself catches my eye every now and then, his mouth curling up into a smirk. “Charlie,” Kenny starts after the third take, “Can you stop looking at Y/N, please?” My cheeks heat up when Owen, Jeremy and Taylor chuckle. “I know she’s your best friend, but Luke is focused on the soundcheck, yeah?” Charlie nods his head, and I swear I saw him blushing too. “Yes, Kenny. Sorry, Kenny.” Jeremy and Owen glance at each other, exchanging a knowing look. They’ve asked me multiple times if something’s going on between Charlie and me, but I told them there wasn’t until one night, I was crying about how much I loved him, and Owen and Jeremy were there to comfort me without judgement. Now, they don’t stop teasing me relentlessly. I know I’m going to get even more teasing comments about it later. I’m not ready for that.

Once the scene’s done, the boys and I get to catering to get a snack before heading back to set for the next scenes. The ones where I die. How fun. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I know it’s all fake and I’m not actually going to be in a car accident, but it’s still scary. The ladies from costume and makeup get me ready for the hospital scene, taping fake wires on my arms and putting one in my nose as well while I’m covered in fake bruises and band-aids. “Ready, Y/N?” Kenny asks, and I nod my head. “If the tubes ever get annoying, just tell us and we’ll take a break, okay?” I nod again and Kenny steps away and behind the camera. Charlie’s there too, watching and being the greatest moral support puppy I could ever ask for. “Season one, episode one, scene three, take one,” Jaime says, working the clapperboard, and then Kenny yells “Action!” I lie entirely still on the uncomfortable hospital bed, breathing ever so subtly, and then holding my breath a second before the loud monotone beep sounds and doctors come rushing in. “And cut!” I open my eyes to find Charlie, and when I do, I catch him walking away with his head down. My eyebrows furrow, and I want to ask someone to go and check up on him, but the makeup team has already swarmed me to touch up the makeup a little. After a few more takes, Kenny tells us we’re all good and lets us go. Once the tubes are taken out of my nose and stripped away from my arms, I hop off the bed and go to find Charlie. Michel and Soyon An are in front of his trailer, knocking on the door and yelling his name. “What’s going on?” I ask Soyon An. “I’m not sure. He just ran off set with tears in his eyes and hasn’t come out of his trailer, but we need him for a fitting for tomorrow.” Worry sets in the pit of my stomach. Why would he run off crying after watching the scene I just taped? “I’ll handle it,” I tell them with a smile. The two people from the crew I’d grown closest to, offer me a smile in return and walk off. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door softly. “Char?” Ever so carefully, I open the door to his trailer and step inside the darkened room. I almost think he’s not even in here when a sob comes from the left-hand side of the trailer. “Hey,” I coo and sit down on the edge of the bed beside his curled up body. “What’s wrong?” “It just all seemed so real…” he whispers, and sniffles. “Why, thank you,” I joke, but Charlie’s sob makes me realize this is serious. “Hey, Char… Pumpkin…” My hand reaches out for his shoulder and start circling my thumb across his bare skin. “Sit up for a second, please?” He obeys my whispers and sits upwards, so I can scoot in next to him. He rests his head on my lap, sniffles taking over. “Why did you get so upset over a scene, Pumpkin? You know that’s my job?” “I know that, Angel,” my stomach flutters at the nickname, “I just…” He sits up and turns to face me, crossing his legs, “I couldn’t help thinking ‘what if something really happens to her?’, I couldn’t stop imagining losing you and it felt terrible. I don’t ever want to live without you, Angel…” He reaches for my hand and presses a kiss to my knuckles. I can feel the tears dropping down to my skin. It breaks my heart in a thousand pieces seeing him this broken. “You’re my best friend.” Right, the friendzone. We’re still here. “I know, Pumpkin… I can’t even imagine my life without you,” I tell him honestly. “But nothing’s ever going to happen to me. Or you. You’re going to have to do a lot more to get rid of me, Char.” He chuckles lightly. I reach up to wipe his tears away with my thumbs, cupping his cheeks, and then resting my hands there as we stare at each other. The tiny beam of sunlight from the small window lights up his face enough for me to see the sparkles in his eyes. “I don’t know if this is going to change anything, Angel, but I have to tell you,” he whispers, bringing his hands up to take my wrists and removing my hands from his face. “I trust us enough for not ruining anything between us.” I furrow my eyebrows, worried about his sudden serious behavior. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve been in love with you since the first day I met you.” My breath hitches in my throat, and I wish I could say something, but my brain is not functioning correctly right now. “I never dared to say anything because I was scared something would change between us and you wouldn’t feel the same and it would make things awkward. I was scared to lose what we already have. You’re my best friend, but I am so desperately in love with you that it’s kind of embarrassing and kind of distracting me from my work, like you saw during that first scene today. I am so desperately in love with you, Y/N Y/L/N and I don’t ever want to lose you.” He looks at me with hope in his eyes. I still can’t say anything. Too much in shock over his confession. “I understand if you don’t feel the same, Angel. I just… We can forget I said anything tomorrow and just go back to—” I finally manage to move and grab his face in my hands, bringing him closer to meet me halfway for a kiss. He’s a little startled at first, but then melts into the kiss and kisses me back. “I’ve been so embarrassingly in love with you for years and I never dared to say anything either,” I tell him, his face lighting up even more. “I cried one night blabbing about how much I love you and Jere and Oh had to comfort me for hours. It’s been so painful but I’m so happy you—” he cuts me off by pressing his lips on mine again in another kiss. “Were you asking me out on a date earlier when you wanted to grab dinner together?” he asks as though the memory from this morning just flooded into his mind. “What?! No!” I reply but can’t help blushing either. Charlie raises his eyebrow at me. “Yeah, fine. It was a pathetic attempt,” I roll my eyes with an amused smile on my face. Charlie laughs whole-heartedly before leaning in to peck my lips once, twice, three times. The fourth time he captures my lips with his, it’s a deeper, more passionate kiss than the ones before. The both of us are too wrapped up into the kiss, we don’t even notice Charlie’s trailer door opening until loud cheers startle us to break apart. Jeremy and Owen are stood in the trailer, cheering and exchanging high-fives in elation. “Finally!” Owen shouts, throwing his fist up in the air. “Bro, this took you long enough.” “Yeah, I know,” Charlie replies with a smile tugging at his lips. “At least now this girl won’t come crying to us again about how much she loves you,” Jeremy exclaims, patting my head as if I’m a child. The four of us laugh, and I look at Charlie, who gives me the most tender smile. “So… When’s the wedding?” The two of us scoff, and then order the two to get out of the trailer to give us some time alone, which they give us gladly. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, and now that it’s here, it’s more than I ever imagined.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic @parkeret @lukeys-giggle @gingerxarmy @lovesanimals 

[the-shiftshop]

The Closet - Part 1

My apologies for having a very long time to upload new content. It was a very stressing month and I had to pass a lot of requirements to such, but I will now try my best to upload more!

A few weeks after my Grand Father Armando’s death. The guilt and sadness I was feeling only worsen when I didn’t get to attend his funeral in the Philippines due to important work. I have nobody to blame but myself for leaving the country. Especially when everyone thought it’s for me to find a better school abroad. Even my parents thought I found a good college in the US, but no, it was just me chasing after a guy I lusted over the internet. All this time, I thought he wanted me back, but that’s not it. I wasted my time going abroad. I had to stay there because everyone would suspect me if I suddenly go back, and I also had to pursue studying in a university which isn’t really why I came to US.

All because of my messed up “drooling” over a guy, I had to leave my dearest grand father alone. I thought my family would take good care of him, but knowing that they are all abusive and toxic, look where he is now.

Going through Grampa’s stuffs, I once again saw everything that could remind me of him. He kept the medal I gave him which I received after winning in a Robotics Contest. I also saw this dog-like mechanism that I made out of cardboard when I was graduating elementary. I saw tons of pictures of him carrying me in his arms. I couldn’t help but sit down on my grand father’s bed and cry. As I said, I have no one to blame but myself. I couldn’t get rid of this growing guilt in my heart.

Looking for more stuffs while crying, I saw a huge box with my name on it. I quickly opened the box and saw tons of presents wrapped in different designs. Some are for Christmas and some are for my birthdays. I quickly opened them all and removed them out the box one by one. These were all for robots. There are a lot of spare parts and tools that I can use for my crafts. It really seemed like Grampa still remembered that I love making robots when I was young. It only made me cry more when I realized that he’s been buying me gifts for my dream when I myself already gave up on them.

Reaching the last gift, I noticed a notepad stuck on the very bottom of the box where all the gifts were stored. I pulled it out at read it.

To my Dearest Gabriel, I wish that you liked my gifts. Although this isn’t all that I bought. There’s a wooden closet near the window.

It was written in my grampa’s handwriting. I didn’t have to think twice. I stood up and ran to the closet he pointed at. The closet was about as tall as I was, maybe taller by a few inches. It was made of wood and there are a few antique designs on its exterior. I was more that excited to check what’s inside, but as I open it, it was nothing but empty.

As I stare in the empty wooden cabinet, a few possibilities came to me. Maybe the gift was too precious, my cousins took advantage of it, or maybe the gift was the closet itself. Whatever it may, I forced myself to not thing negatively. If Grampa bought this closet for me, then I should store these other gifts inside.

After putting all the gifts inside, I closed the closet and sat back Grampa’s bed. It’s almost 7 pm. I’m tired and can’t even move after letting go of all this emotional baggage. Dad won’t look for me anyway since he knows where I am. I should maybe rest here for the night.

It was a very strange night. Even though I’m deep asleep, I keep hearing things clanking in the room. I couldn’t bring myself to stand up and check where it was coming from, but I’m sure I keep hearing like someone’s doing metal-works at night. It all ended when there was a beeping noise for about 3 seconds. I swore I heard some robotic voice, but I couldn’t hear what it said. Anyways, now that it stopped, maybe I can peacefully sleep once again.

I had a dream last night too. It’s certainly because I still cannot move on with that guy I was talking about. There’s a guy lying beside me, hugging me with one arm, and groping my chest and abs. I couldn’t move nor talk. It was like sleep paralysis but instead of a demon, I have this hot guy caressing my whole body. I eventually fell back to sleep inside a dream due to the warmth he was emitting. Soon I was awake again.

Nobody was on my bed. That’s for sure. It was still dark. I rose up and looked the room, searching for something weird, but none was found. I heard something clinking downstairs, in the dining room, I guess. I checked what time it was on my phone. It’s about 3 am. Am I really being haunted by a demon right now? Whatever it may, I had to gather up my courage and went outside grampa’s room. The lights were on. Every light was on, actually. I slowly walked down the stairs, looking down, and there I saw him.

My eyes widened. There’s a naked hunk sitting by the table. He was looking up, back at me. His grin turned into a huge cute smile and he waved at me, but that wasn’t where I was focused at. I was staring at his body, and to his crotch. I blushed and covered my eyes, still peeking though.

“Uy, Gab. Kain na. Pinagluto pa kita ng paburito mo.” The man said, in my native language. It was warm but assertive at the same time. “At alam kong hindi ka pa kumakain ng hapunan kagabi.” He said, still with that warm smile on his face.

“H-Hey! Who are you! Why are you he- Where are you naked!” I exclaimed. He stood up and I got a much better look of his body. D-Damn?

“Ah, Mukhang hindi ka pala maalam mag Tagalog, at mukhang kelangan ko din ng bagong file para makapag download ako ng maayos na English.” He said. He suddenly closed his eyes. He was stuck like that for a few seconds, then once again, his eyes opened. He returned to his warm smile. “Hey, Gab. Let’s eat. I’ve cooked your favorite food, and I know you didn’t eat dinner last night.”

“You didn’t answer my question! Who are you!” I again exclaimed. The guy was clearly not a burglar. What kind of a vigilante would want to steal some house naked? and looking at him just... feels... good? It’s like he’s a total copy of my dream man. Right color of skin, right amount of muscles, cute eyes, nose and lips, that damn smile, the way he talk to me. It’s all too good to be true.

“That’s up to you.” He replied to my question. “What do you want my name to be?”

I dropped my hands. I had a huge realization. I quickly ran back to Grampa’s room and opened the closet. Everything was gone, except for the tools Grampa gave me and the packages where the spare parts would be. I ran back out and stopped in the middle of the stairs. He was still standing there. He looked again at me and smiled.

“What do you mean by ‘it’s up to me’?” I asked.

“Well.... I’m your personal robot boyfriend now. That’s what you’ve been looking for right? Unless, you want me to turn into your grampa instead, or you bestfr-”

“No! You don’t have to!” I ran down the starts to meet him. I was now about 6 feet away from him. “You... Stay as you are for now.” I said.

“Your grand father knew.” He said. I stared at him.

“What?”

“He knew about why you went abroad.” He answered. “That’s why he wanted to make you a perfect boyfriend.”

I gasped and looked away. I turned around stared at my Grampa’s picture hanged on the wall. “How about you? How did you know about that?”

“The closet.” He replied. “I’m a product of the closet he bought from a store. His words were kept in the closet. He said that he wanted to make the perfect man for you, and thus, I came to be.”

I felt him move closer and he put his arms around my body. He took me into a warm hug. I could hear him chuckle in joy. It was sincere. It wasn’t like he’s acting or if someone pulled a prank on me. It all felt true.

“Gab, am I perfect enough?” He asked in my ear. His voice. It made me so much aroused. Every vibration of his voice went through my whole body from my head to toe. 

“Y-Yes...” I agreed.

He then turned me around and hugged me much better. “Thank you.”

[samuel-dean]

21 Questions

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans and Mercedes Jones LOCATION: Evans’ Estate; Irving, Texas TIME FRAME: - NOTES: Mercedes tries to pull Samuel away from work, which she’s successful at.

Samuel's office was French Country style to the core.  The rich, deep woods, stone fireplace and stately furniture might seem dated to the untrained eye.  To Mercedes, it symbolizes wealth on a scale that boggles the mind. This old world warmth of this decorating style was a show of wealth. But rarely was it a true depiction of its owner's temperament.  Yet, it suited Samuel to the teeth.  Mercedes entered, nuzzling at Nouvel’s soft oversized cheeks. She closed the door behind her and moved across the hand knotted, Persian rug. Smiling, she pointed at the man behind the desk. "Whose that?"   She asked the baby, stealing another kiss.  She switched the position of the baby in her arms as she prepared to hand her over to the man. “Busy?” 

Samuel leaned against the desk gently, his hand holding up his head as he scrolled down the list of potential assistants. He blinked hard for a moment before he sat up seeing Mercedes, stretching he smirked and said “never too busy for you two” with a smile holding his hands out for their daughter.

Mercedes quirked an eyebrow. “So you say.” She said, gently putting the little girl in the man’s arms. She kissed the baby’s cheek once more, then stood admiring the pair for a moment. “You’ve been locked up in here for hours.” She sat on his desktop, crossing her legs at the ankles.  “Is everything...” Her eyes shifted to her dangling feet and she tossed her head from side to side “Progressing as expected?” 

Samuel hoisted the little girl up pecking her cheek lovingly, “you look so cute today” he cooed at the child as bounced her slightly. “10 billion” he said to Mercedes as he continued to hold the child up smiling at her. He rested the child in his lap and looked at her “it’ll work itself out” he offered. “I have to attend a memoriam” he added before he looked back down at the child stroking her plump cheeks gently. 

Mercedes body jerked, shoulders rolling her into an upright position. She reviewed the list of the dead mentally, then factored for the man in front of her. It was to be expected, she supposed. She exhaled, but took little comfort from his words.   Adding stress wasn’t her goal at the moment, she reminded herself.  He was already under enough. “I know.” She said quietly reaching out she ran her hand across his beard. “Of course.  When is it?”

“I have to get the set date and time” Samuel replied back to her “you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, however” he said still eyeing their child. 

Mercedes turned her head, swapping her nails back through her hair.  “If you have to plan the memoriam I can help." Her face went blank as a new canvas. “However?” Was he saying he didn’t want her to go or that she should? Her lips turned down,   “I won’t say anything.” She offered trying to read his mind.

“No, I just have gotten the date or time, I guess they are still working on all of that. We settled out of court with a few of them. So, you know they have all gotten whatever money they seeked” he said sighing. He shifted the little girl gently “funerals have been paid for” he added as he toyed with the child’s head of hair. “It’s not that” he said shaking his head “you have the option baby, I am just saying you don’t if you don’t want to” he breathed softly. Hell he wished she could go in his place right now, as harsh as it sounded he wanted the shit to just blow over. 

“Oh…” Mercedes laughed off her misunderstanding with a relieved sigh. She laced her fingers around her knee, swinging her legs back and forth. “I have options?” She said, playfully.  She watched the pair with a loving smile on her face.  “Thank you, but It’s fine.  I think it's best I go." She said after a moment. Honestly, every higher up in the company should. ” She caught herself, hand darting up to her mouth as if she could recall the statement. She cleared her throat, glancing over the desktop “Are you done for the day?”

“Yeah, you always have options” Samuel smirked though he didn’t look at her directly. “You may be right about that” he told her honestly they were putting it all on him, but he assumed that is just what people like them would do. He looked at the computer screen, then at her “yeah” he said honestly, he’d never find someone that Mercedes liked and anyone she would he hated. 

Mercedes giggled, “I’m going to remember that…”  There was a tug to question him about what the board was doing.  They all seemed surprisingly uninvolved.  She didn’t, however.  This was his thing, and she couldn’t risk overstepping.  “What are you working on anyway.” She asked, getting to her feet.  “I don’t want to pull you away from something important.”  

Samuel held the little girl in his arm, pulling his long locs from her small hand, pushing his hair out of the way. “Looking for a new assistant” he told her cooly, she had to appreciate this sentiment, he was finally getting rid of Patty like she truly wanted him to. 

Mercedes back stiffened, eyes darkening as Samuel words took hold. “Oh!” She squeaked 3 octaves higher than usual. Reaching for Nouvel.  “Why?” She asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Because that’s what I thought you’d want me to do?” Samuel asked her, very confused, she took the baby and asked him a question he didn’t get. “Why’d you take her from me?” he asked without thought, was it a defense mechanism. 

Mercedes handed the baby back to the man and stepped away from him abashed. “I… I wanted to show you something.  That’s all. It’s in the other room.” She told him, pointing stiffly to the other side of the house. She hugged herself, unsure of what to say or do next. 

Samuel looked at her “oh” he said “sorry” he added “I thought you were getting upset with me” he told her honestly. “Sorry” he told her again feeling bad now. 

Mercedes dropped her arms, then rubbed her hands down her bare face. Baby steps, she thought. Twisting her lips and moving around the awkwardness that just transpired, she reached her hand out to him, wiggling, perfectly manicured nails. “Come on.” She said, a hint of sadness in her voice she couldn’t hide. 

Samuel stood up, all six-foot seven inches of him and he gently hoisted their child up in his arms. Looking her over her grabbed Mercedes hand saying “okay” to her simply, though he was curious as to what was going on. 

Mercedes pulled the large man along behind her.  She bit her bottom lip as they exited his office, making their way to the opposite end of the sprawling mansion.  Outside of the room she’d prepared for Samuel, stood Brent as instructed.  He nodded kindly to the couple, “Mr. Evans.” He said, eyes going to Mercedes as he waited for instruction. “Take Nouvel to her room.  She’s ready for a nap.” She told the man, still holding Samuel’s hand.

Samuel followed behind Mercedes, his eyebrow still raised at her but he didn’t say anything of course. When he saw Brent he puffed out his chest a bit, he still didn’t like the boy though he’d done nothing wrong and actually took really good care of their daughter. He handed the child over relectuntantly and said “Brent” in a gruff voice, he wanted to squint at him but didn’t. Instead he looked at Mercedes trying to figure out where she was going with this. 

Brent accepted the child, who cooed and drooled as she went to her caregiver happily. “Have a nice evening.” He said, moving off down the hall, have an impossible conversation with the child. “I know you had fun with daddy and mommy. I know. What? You want your giraffe?  Okay.. I guess.”

Mercedes exhaled before pushing the door open.  Inside, the floor was covered with a white drop cloth. Three large tables formed a trapezoid-like triangle in the center of the room.  

Draped, two were covered with paints of every hue and color.  The third held brushes. Some were  from Samuel's personal collection. Others were new.  She also had them add sponges and rags to the assortment.  Against the wall there were canvas of all sizes. Some, large as the wall itself, others smaller.  She didn't know which he would prefer so she got all of them. “I thought you needed some time away from everything.  Travel is off the table for the moment… Maybe this would be relaxing?” She said, gazing at everything, still questioning her idea.

As she opened the door Samuel looked around it, wow, that was not expected at all. He looked at her and then back to the art supplies, shocked a little. A big grin spread across his face, honestly he didn’t know when the last time he picked up a brush. “Wow” he said to her finally, he pulled her closer to his side “thank you” he said before he kissed her full lips. He pulled away and chuckled “wow” he said moving to the canvases. 

Mercedes looked at the man, grinning as relief flooded through her body.  She warmed, fingers slipping into his long, loose hair as he favored her with a kiss.  As he moved away from her, she couldn't help but ask “You really like it?” She snapped her fingers, then pointed to the other side of the room.  “There are clothes for you to change into over there.”  She moved over to the table filled with paints, “I didn’t know what kind of medium you like to work with.  So, I picked up oils, acrylics… Heck, I even got some body paint.” She laughed, going over the selection.

“I love it” Samuel told her truthfully “no one has ever done something like this for me before '' he said picking up a canvas. Which was a realization he had just made honestly. He looked where she pointed and nodded his head at her. At the mention of body paint he looked over at her, hiding his smirk he looked away from her and looked back at the canvases. “Thanks” he told her again as he moved towards the table “are you joining me?” he asked purposefully. 

Mercedes shook her head, blushing.  Her fiance was so modest and kind.   And he lied so well. She didn’t deserve him. “It’s up to you. You strike me as a solitary creator.”

He looked at her and said “I want you to stay” lovingly, and he meant it. Maybe he could teach her, if she didn’t already know. She was like an onion she had so many layers he still hadn’t peeled back yet, and he knew that. “Hey, I might even be able to put that body paint to use if you do,” he said, setting up a few things for him to use. 

“Your wish is my command.” Mercedes looked over the colors.  “I haven’t painted since college.  I wasn’t ever really good at it.  Now, I mostly use color pencils and markers or SketchUp on the computer." She chuckled, looking over to the man,   “You had me at stay, sir.” She told him, in response to his cheeky comment. 

“Maybe I can teach you some techniques” Samuel said rolling up his sleeves, he could change but he didn’t care. Pricey shirt and pants or not, it was what it was. He chuckled at her “we will have fun” he told her as he rested his canvas on an easel. He really didn’t know what to paint honestly, he usually thought of a picture on concept. 

“That could be fun.” Mercedes said, moving to stand beside Samuel.  She stared at the blank canvas, turning her head this way and that.  “Paint what you are feeling.” she said thoughtfully. “Complete expression with no bonds.”  her eyes drifted to the large canvas resting against the wall. “I feel adventurous.” She said, stepping in front of the blank white canvas.

Looking away from the medium sized canvas, he looked at her before he chuckled “I should be telling you that” Samuel said. He contemplated what he wanted to paint for a very long time before he made up his mind. He grabbed a brush, using a small amount of brown paint to draw out the structure of her face. 

Mercedes laughed, shoulders shaking.  She turned away from the canvas and moved to the uncovered side of the room.  Toying with the diamond band of her ring, she eased it off her finger and laid it on the shelf carefully. She then toed off  her shoes and swapped out her top for the T-shirt Samuel was supposed to wear.  She might as well not let it go to waste.  Dressed, she moved back over to the table, smiling as she saw Samuel was already hard at work.  She was quiet as she collected her paint, loving the way the silence between them felt natural.  

Samuel looked over at Mercedes as she changed her top, generally he hadn’t looked over because of her doing so. He was really trying to take in her features if nothing else for his painting. He licked his lips as he drew subtle lines for her upper half, getting his starting blueprint down. Looking at her again, he moved to his phone and pulled up his camera roll. He'd just use photos of her he had in his phone for a reference, that would be far easier. 

Mercedes collected her paints, hues of blue and moved back the gigantic canvas the 5 cans of paint on the floor in front of the large canvas, her desire was to add color to the canvas until her feelings drew themselves. Or until she made the color brown. Which was always a possibility. She opened the blue paint and dipped her brush.  She made the first mark across the page an aggressive brush stroke of dark blue.  Hmm, she thought, adding another stroke of color.  What was she going to create?

Samuel propped his phone up where it was in his view and out of hers, her skillfully began to paint the woman’s features in, starting with her almond eyes, before he worked his way into creating her perfect button nose. He asked what compelled him, deciding he’d take this moment to learn more of her but he knew he’d have to be slick with it. “20 questions?” he asked her with a smirk. “Unless I’d be ruining your focus at the moment…” 

Mercedes moved to the next shade of blue, periwinkle. She took another brush and swirled on the canvas, adding depth to her vision. “This isn’t concentrating, it's falling with style.” she told him, laughing, turning to wink at him. “Ask away…” She said, bending to pick up more dark blue paint.. 

Samuel smirked at her comment as he picked up various shades of brown, some yellow, even red. He used it to build her complexion as he began to sculpt out her cheeks a little. “What is a memory you keep going back to?” he asked her, as he eyed her eyes. He moved back to her left one, fixing it. 

Mercedes brushed on a thick glob of paint. It roughed up the picture making peaks and valleys on the canvas. “The first Christmas after my mother left my sister’s father.  My mother went out of her way to make up for what she thought was us lacking.  She brought us matchy matchy pajamas, with little candy canes all over them." She giggled, recalling how they look like Christmas hams in those tight fitting sets. "Christmas Eve, we stayed up late and watched It's a Wonderful Life. Then on Christmas morning, there were 4 presents from ‘Santa’.” She said, stopping to look over her work. “My sister got a cabbage patch doll. And I got Legos. Fitting… We were just a regular family.” she smiled abandoning her project for a moment, she pushed away thoughts of her step father… “Same question.”

Samuel painted over her eyes he’d have to fix the symmetry later, instead he moved back to her nose. He shaded what needed to be and added light in other places before he moved to paint her lips. Making sure he painted her perfect cupid's bow accurately, before he looked over at her. So much sadness was there in regards to her family, he’d have to expand upon that one day. Accompany her at their gravesite, find old photos of them to frame, paint them even? He nodded his head at her response, as she stated that it was her turn and he had to now answer his own question. He grabbed another brush. “Hm…” he thought “when I had my surgery” he told her honestly. His eyes were fixed on the panting as he decided what color he wanted to paint her lips “I thought I was going to die, and time after that I wish I had…” he shrugged. “I guess in the end of it all, I was glad to not have been cancer stricken… but the other issue is just as draining” he said a bit harshly he assumed after it left him. He licked his lips as leaned down a bit deciding he’d mix a color up. Maybe plum. “What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you?” 

Mercedes turned to listen to Samuel holding the paintbrush a little too close to the side of her cheek.  His truth made her feel just that much worse for her actions at the press conference.  She chewed on her lip. Then stopped. Spit it out.  That little nervous tick was becoming an annoying habit. Her eyes shifted to the ring where it sat, perfect dazzling even from so far away.

“You’re outstanding at other things.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “May I ask, what you were like in bed before this…” 

Samuel mixed a few colors together on a palette to get the shade of plum that he wanted to use on her lips before he began to paint in her lips. She asked him a question he didn’t quite understand and he looked up at her confused “huh?’ he asked her. “What do you mean?” he chuckled lightly at her. 

Mercedes didn’t waver. “Don’t play with me.” She told him, hands going to her ample hips. “You’re this." She said, gesturing towards him like Vanna White. "But you're something else entirely, in our bedroom.  Have you always been so...  Aggressive?” She smiled, biting her lip again. 

Samuel stopped and looked at her again, he dropped the brush from the painting. He licked his lips and sighed, sitting the palette down against the table. “I guess so…” he said to her, blushing a bit at the statement. “I hadn’t really thought about it I guess….” he told her as he moved to paint in her lips more quietly. 

“OH…” Mercedes purred, hand moving to rest low on her stomach. She eyed the man, going from one end of him to the other.  “I may need to rethink the idea that I can’t be broken.” She shivered at the thought of him, but couldn’t decide if it was fear or want. “Let me see.." She said, pulling her eyes away from him.  "You asked about the lessons I have learned. She went back to her painting. Taking a few strokes with the brush, she mulled her answer over for a moment, then said,  “Basically, I've learned endurance is everything. That -and sometimes bad things do happen to good people.” 

Samuel cleaned off his paint brush a bit and picked out another color he wanted to use to add more dimension and detailing in her lips. He looked up at her again and shook his head at her antics before looking back down. He didn’t really have a response for her though he felt like she was being quite amusing at the moment. “Mhm” he nodded at her as he guided the tiny brush with subtle strokes. 

“I thought you were going to give me some pointers?” Mercedes said standing back again. “What do you think?” She asked, tapping her chin. 

Samuel looked up at her again and sat his paintbrush down before he moved over to her. He looked at the canvas and smirked “not bad” he told her “you picked a huge one didn’t you” he said as he continued to look at it. 

Mercedes shifted her weight from side to side, as she tried to decide if she liked her work or not. She felt Samuel  approach, and move to the right to give him the best view of her artwork. 4 “It seems to be an ongoing trend.” She said winking at the man.  “I was going for water, -waves… Is that what you are getting?”

Samuel looked at the side of her face before he looked back at the painting. “Yes, I see it” he told her with a head nod tilting his head a little “I like it” he complimented. He figured that was the look she was going for when he first saw it. 

“You’re being kind. I’ll take it for the moment.” Mercedes went to her tiptoes and tugged at his collar, bringing him down to her height. She claimed her kiss softly, but released him a moment later.  “My next question is…  Who was your role model growing up?” She asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Samuel kissed her back tenderly pulling away only when she did, “I am telling you the truth, I don’t know why you don’t ever believe me?” he asked her as he moved back to his current work. “Hm, my grandmother and grandfather, you’ll have to meet her sometime. My grandfather is no longer with us” he spoke. “She was always picture perfect to me… “ he breathed. 

“Because you’re not being entirely truthful.” she shrugged.  “It’s okay. I think i need to lighten the sky a bit.” Mercedes began pouring gray paint into the navy. She looked over to Samuel. “I’d like to. But I’m not sure. What if she doesn’t like me?” 

“My grandmother isn’t like that” Samuel said honestly to her “she’ll love you simply for loving me” he told her. “What do you wish you could re-live?”

“Then I’d love to meet her. The next time you’re free we should go.”  She finished mixing the paint, and moved to get another brush. “My first trip to Hawaii.  I should have loved to stay longer " She responded matter of fact.  “What makes you truly happy. Besides our child.” She said turn her brush on him challengingly. 

“Of course, no problem” Samuel said to her as he switched to another brush adding more detailing as he moved back to repaint her eyes. He looked down at his phone for a moment before he looked up quickly at her “huh?” he asked her, confused. Maybe she meant a time before there’s. “What do you mean?” he asked her, needing understanding. Her question had an obvious answer but he reminded himself of who he was dealing with and said “you” to her. “And before you say it, I said what I meant and meant what I said” to her easily. 

Mercedes giggled.  “It was a beautiful island. I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time there.” She went on playing dumb. At his second response she rolled her eyes, dropping her arm.  She should have known. She thought, pursing her full lips into a hard pucker.  “I meant besides 'ME 'and Nouvel. What else? What makes you want to get out of bed?”

Samuel formed her cheeks, high and plump on the canvas, adding some shade and lighting. “I will take you back no worries” he told her, assuming he had to read between her lines. “Hm” Samuel said chuckling at her a little “I don’t know” he shrugged “life is a gift within itself” he said. “We are lucky to get up and experience another 24 hours with the people we love those most…” he told her simply. “I guess my short answer is the ability to do it all over again and choose different options and adventures.” 

“You better.  This time I’d like to at least pack a bag.” Mercedes snorted. She sat on the floor in front of her work and added in more white capped waves.  “I’ve never thought of life quite like that before. Tell me something you like to do that you haven't yet.” 

Samuel looked at her and nodded his head with a smirk “yes, I will allow you to do that” he told her before he sat his brush done. “I would really truly love to get married, to the love of my life” he said matter-of-factly. “However…” he trailed off. 

Mercedes stiffened, caught off guard.  “I’ve been thinking about that… Do you think it’s the right time for us to plan a wedding; Honestly, we haven’t even set a date yet..” She rambled. “-Big wedding -Or small. I don’t even know where to start.” She gathered herself, looking to the man, “Let’s set a date.” She said calmly.

“You know,” Samuel said, trying to gather his thoughts as he listened to her ramble. “We can’t put things off because of Exxon” he told her honestly “our lives have to still go on” he said. “Beyond that, if you need help we can pay for a planner to assist you” he said. “I thought when you get married your future wife puts all of her wildest dreams into one celebration and I just show up and pay” he chuckled. “Look handsome in my suit or tux” he said as he looked at the paint selections. “Let’s set a date” he repeated to her calmly, a smirk on his face. “You aren’t chickening out are you?” he asked next. 

Mercedes nodded. Samuel was right, “I know… I worry that they will label me disrespectful and that will embarrass you somehow.” she shook her head, “No, I can handle it.” she tried to smile, actually she’d never dreamed of being a bride. So those plans had never entered her mind. “Tell me what you want.” She asked, wrapping her arms around her knees. “No, I'm not trying to back out.  My sister was the kids and wife one.  I was the work and take care of everybody one. I don’t really have a dream wedding in mind.  Anyway, let’s set a date. April or June?

“Look, you and I don’t owe anyone anything. And no I would not get angry over that because again, life will still have to proceed. But if you think we should be focusing on that right now that is fine too babe” he said softly. “I want what you want babe” he stressed to her. He began to paint once more, one hand on his hip. “You are whatever you answer to, not what people label you” he told her “you don’t think you are the wife and mother material. However we have a beautiful child and I want you to be my wife so… in actuality you and your sister both are the married with kids one” he said. “February 14th” he said to her. 

Mercedes closed her eyes and listened to Samuel. He ministered to her in that all to calm manner that he’d perfected.  A benevolence she’d often wondered if he was born with.  “I agree. I’m still concerned, but I agree.” Opening her eyes, she rose and walked over to him. “Oh… And if I’d say let’s go to the court house.  You’d  be okay with that too?” She asked  Stepping in front of him. Her hands ran over his stomach, then stopped holding both sides of his shirt at his waist. “February 14th of next year sounds perfect. I’m going to marry you! Mr. Evans!”

“Stop being concerned” Samuel said to her simply, “I know it’s in your nature but...it doesn’t fix anything” he warned. “I wouldn’t deny you a courthouse wedding. It’s you and I right? That’s all that matters” he told him, swiping the brush against the canvas. She moved in front of him and stopped his task looking down at her “next year then” he told her as he leaned down to capture her lips sweetly. “Pinky promise” he said with a smirk lifting his pinky up at her. 

Mercedes looked up at Samuel, through her lashes. Her big hazel eyes innocent. She bit her bottom lip a sly smile on her face. “Yes, sir.” She said quietly, the sly smile, giving way to a whole grin. She laughed, head shaking.  “No… I don’t think the court house will do.”  Air was a trivial thing. Especially, if the alternative meant not kissing Samuel. He broke the kiss, then asked for another kind of promise. Locking her pinky around his, she giggled and kissed his larger digit. “Promise.” She turned to look at the masterpiece he’d been working on. Paint still wet, the woman taking shape looked like her, but was far more beautiful. She covered her mouth with a trembling and leaned into Samuel's frame, as tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. “It’s beautiful.” She said not because it was her, but because she knew this was how he saw her. Suddenly a year felt too far away.  

Samuel looked at her and nodded his head gently as she swore to him. “I love you” he told her before she turned to take in his painting. “You looked too soon” he said with a slight chuckle before he looked at her face again “don’t cry” he said as he hugged her tightly to him. “Thank you” he said to her lovingly as he held her close to him.

[sideblogformindtrash]

CW: Biting, Claws, Burning, Bruises, Fighting, Restraints, Drug mention, A bunch of stuff that probably makes no sense cause no context and ~magic~

I’ve been looking at this for a while but honestly I just can’t get happy with it :’) and I need to do me german homework still

------------------

 Crow’s awaken by the sound of furniture crashing, followed by screams. He jumps to his feet, while Ferret still struggles out of his heavy sleep. Quickly, he crosses the corridor, already picturing the scene he is about to meet.

…The living room is in shambles. The furniture is scattered around. Coyote has Bunny pinned down on the floor, his claws carved into Bunny’s arms, his jaw open like an animal, drooling, with threatening sharp teeth.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO RUN, I TOLD YOU I’D HURT YOU FUCKING BITCH” The size difference is almost comical. Bunny is slim and short, Coyote is an absolute monster of a man, even for Crow, who is quite tall himself.

“NO NO NO GET AWAY FROM MEE” He screams, kicks and struggles, face red with the useless effort, eyes bulging with terror.

…Crow steps back a bit, then launches forward over Coyote, using his weight to try and knock him off Bunny. As they both fall to the side, Bunny scrambles away and runs into the corridor.

Great… But now Coyote is over him. Larger, stronger, half a fucking animal, with sharp claws and teeth. Eyes wide, bloodshot. Fucker is high, Crow notices in the middle of the struggle.

“CROW YOUR SLUT” sounds more like a roar than a voice “HE IS MY PREY WHY DID YOU STOP ME!”

“SHUT UP YOU DOG” Crow roars back as they tumble around the room, Coyote trying to pin him down like he did to Bunny. A punch dangerously close to his face “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OR I’LL SET YOU ON FIRE YOU FUCKING FLEABAG”

…That only makes him angrier. He now tries to bite. Crow needs both his hand – and all of his strength – just to keep those teeth away from his face… This creates an opening for the dangerous, clawed hand to grab his throat.

He tries to kick. It’s not a fair fight. No one, fighting hand in hand against Coyote would be. Crow’s face starts to go purple… Eyes close, all the energy focusing on his arms. Blue flames burn all around him and with a scream of pain, Coyote releases him, hands over his burned face.

Crow gasps for air, coughing on the floor, as Coyote tries to put out the fire on his fur.

“I’LL KILL YOU CROW, I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU…”

He prepares to attack again, but is held back by two pairs of arms. Ferret and Vulture are pulling him backwards, trying to drag him into the cell at the end of the corridor. Crow’s heart shatter as he sees Ferret’s face twisted with pain, having to use the wounded leg as a support.

He gets up as soon as he can manage, pushing against Coyote again, trying to help the twins. It’s a monumental struggle, as he gets more and more agitated and violent, but eventually, the three of them push him into the room and shut the door.

…Loud bangs and roars from the inside.

The three stand in silence, absolutely out of breath, and Crow lets himself slide down the wall and sit on the floor.

“…You should send him away, Crow.” Vulture says, a stern expression on her face “…We can’t deal with this shit much more.”

Crow looks away, and pulls his legs into a hug.

“…If I report him… They’ll kill him” His voice is trembling. He hates how weak it sounds “He is… too unstable”

“…He almost killed you” She replies, there is poison on her voice “He is too unstable. That’s the whole problem.”

“They made him like that”

Crow wants to hide his face on his palms and cry. But he would never let his team see such a pathetic side to him. Not now, specially. Now he needs to be strong for their sake. He puts on the best blank face he can manage. But Ferret knows how much this disturbs him. He always knows, and the kind soft eyes rest on him.

He slides down to Crows side… Gently squeezes Crow’s arm and then lets their fingers intertwine.

“Darling… I know this is hard. But… Maybe sis is right” Ferret pushes his hair aside, to take a look at his neck. Bruises are starting to form there. Ferret gently runs his thumb over them, his face slightly twitching with anger.

Whatever he was going to say, he stops. Moth has come out of their room as well. Bunny is clutching to their arm, wide eyed.  He tries to hold them once Moth comes closer, begging them not to go, to stay with them… But Moth shakes them off, and they quickly disappear again, searching somewhere else to hide.

They join the other three on the corridor, a sad, tired face. So done with all this shit.

“…You are okay guys?” They ask.

“Yeah. I guess” Vuture says, letting her head tumble upwards.

“What are going to do now?” No one answer. What is there so say, even? They sigh. “… You received a letter today. From the Central City?”

“Yes” Crow replies, sighing. Yet another fucking problem, because that is exactly what they need now “They said they can’t relocate anyone to our sector. They are short on personal due to relocating recruits to building the hydroelectric power plant.”

What a fucking surprise, really. They take care of one of the shittiest regions of that hellhole called The City. They are there because it doesn’t matter if they die, and it doesn’t matter – too much if their sector falls down.

“If I report Coyote now…” Crow starts, but then decides not to. They all already know. First they lost their leader. Then Moth. If they got rid of Coyote, it would be just the three of them against hell on earth.

Crow sinks his head on his hands again. Tired. Very tired.

“We should get some sleep” Vulture finally says, with a sigh “It’s not even morning yet. We… We can think this through later.”

Without much of an answer, she goes back into her room. Moth does the same soon after. Crow helps Ferret get up and lean onto him, as they go back into their bedroom.

“…I’m so sorry, Fer” he says, a worried glance at his leg “Is it hurting?”

“Yeah… a bit. But it’s not your fault, dear” He smiles. Always optimistic. Always sweet. Crow smiles back, but still worried.

…And hell, it was his fucking fault. Everything that had been going on… It was always because of some of his decisions. He had so much work to do all the time now, he was barely managing. He should have gone with them on that mission, instead of trusting Coyote. Maybe then  Ferret wouldn’t have been hurt at all.

Speaking of which… Bunny is curled up on a corner of their bedroom. Small, scared, holding his knees. Crow sighs, gently running his fingers through Ferret’s face.

“…Well… Stay here on the bed a bit okay dear? I’ll get the first aid on the bathroom and patch you up again…” He looks to the corner “Both of you.”

Bunny seems to lit up at this. Slowly, he comes to the bed… And sits by Ferret’s side. All the while glancing, expecting Ferret to attack, but of course, he never did. Ferret was too good to just… Hurt someone like that, without a reason. Ferret was too good for him, Crow felt. He deserved better. Bunny even gets the courage to lean against Ferret… Who accepts it. He pulls Bunny closer.

Crow can’t help but smile a bit, as he re-makes the curative on Ferret’s legs before taking a look at Bunny. He has hand-shaped bruises around both his wrists, and claw marks running along both his arms that need to be disinfected, or he might get rabies or something.

“There you go.”

Ferret is still cuddling Bunny by this point. That’s probably what gives him courage to ask…

“Can I… Can I stay here tonight?” Pleading green eyes. Crow frowns… “Please. Just… Just tonight. I’m scared. And… and he is in my… hm, my prison-room-cell-closet-thingy so…”

“You can stay” Ferret says, then eyes at him “Right, Crow?”

“…Sure” He rolls his eyes. Whatever makes Ferret happy.

Bunny’s face lit up on a smile. It’s not something that has happened very often. Bunny jumps down to turn the lights off then climbs his way into the middle of the two men, both hugging him from each side. Lovingly. Warmly. Like they used to be.

He pretends things are okay. Just for now. Just for today.

[msjr0119]

The Greatest Show

Never Enough - Part 2

A new series- all chapters are based on each song from ‘The Greatest Showman’

Characters belong to Pixelberry except MC - Amber Smith-Beaumont

Warnings: Swearing, sarcasm 😉, smut

Tags - using combined tagged list, if you want to be removed please let me know 👍🏼

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree-0816

READ PART 1 FIRST****

******

Amber had helped Olivia prepare for the ball at Lythikos. Usually they would enjoy their first day skiing, ice skating, completing activities- but Olivia thought about getting the ball over and done with then they can all enjoy themselves.

“Wow you look amazing Amber! Take that as a compliment- Walker will be drooling all over you.” Twirling around in the golden dress, that was v neck flaunting her assets- Olivia placed the fur shawl around her to give her the complete look.

“As do you. He’s amazing Liv I don’t understand why you detest him so much. Do you think he used me for sex?”

“We are like marmite, we’ve always had this love/hate relationship. I’ve put you next door to each other- so if you want to sneak in some sexy time you can do. I’ve left you a present too. I haven’t seen him this way before- he is definitely falling in love with you- if he hasn’t already.” Amber eyed Olivia up and down, intrigued as to what it was her mystery gift was. The duchess had given her hope that Drake had been sincere with his words and actions, smiling to herself they headed to the ballroom. Both ladies greeted Olivia’s guests as they arrived, the men turned up to together.

“He’s even wearing a suit for you. He never wears suits.” Olivia whispered to her new friend, noticing her turn a shade of red.

“Amber, you look more beautiful every time I see you.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” Madeleine overheard the conversation and immediately informed Kiara and Penelope. Knowing now was possibly the time to cause an scandal regarding the Beaumont’s- if Amber was a threat to her friend, she would sort it out promptly. Once all the guests had arrived, drinks and canapés were handed out as the nobles socialised. Drake kept his distance away from Amber to avoid gossip- however he couldn’t help himself admire her, stealing glances, providing the star crossed lovers act.

Kiara came over towards Olivia and Amber, with Penelope following shortly behind as if she was some shadow.

“Duchess Olivia, it’s wonderful to be here again. C’est beau.”

“Merci ... now what is the real reasoning for you disturbing me? Shouldn’t you be trying to dig your claws into a man who will never return the feelings?”

“No, you know how I love to sing when there is a live band. I wondered if I could do that after the dancing. I’ve got a song in mind.” Narrowing her eyes towards Amber, she knew with the help from her friends she could sway Drake away from the Beaumont girl.

“Do whatever Kiara. Just make sure you sing in fucking English. There’s only so much french I can tolerate.”

The band started playing the Cordonian waltz, Liam knew he had to play fair with the suitors. “I’ll dance with Amber, you dance with Liv- then swap. I know you hate Liv but at least you can dance with the girl of your dreams.” Drake nodded, wondering how he was going to convince Olivia to be so close to him.

“Lady Amber may I have this dance?” Liam asked, as he bowed.

“Of course your Highness.” Amber curtsied, allowing Liam to guide her on to the dance floor.

“Come on Liv, sooner we get this over with sooner I can get rid of you.”

“Couldn’t have put it better myself. Just don’t come too close! I haven’t got my hand sanitizer on me.” Drake dragged her onto the dance floor, not gracefully - during their awkward dance they couldn’t help but insult each other. Liam overheard, and began to laugh.

“Why is Drake dancing with Olivia? He never dances!” Kiara wasn’t jealous with the fact that he was dancing with Olivia, it was more a stab in the heart that after all these years she had been rejected when she had offered.

“Don’t worry about it Ki, I have a plan. Here’s some wine. I’m looking forward to your performance later babe.” Kiara noticed that it was time to change partner, he’s in her arms now. Viewing how differently he danced with Amber- was a constant stab in heart that kept reoccurring. His eyes lit up, he held her lovingly. Wishing that she had been more persistent in trying to woo the only man she had feelings for, she knew she needed help from her two friends before it was too late.

“Hey beautiful.”

“Charmer. How was your dance with Olivia?”

“Stiff. But now I’m with you, I feel like the world has melted away.” Smiling at him, he noticed the twinkle in her eyes.

“Kiara is giving us dagger eyes.”

“So?” Drake said abruptly, not caring about her- he didn’t want to ruin this time with Amber.

“I’m just saying. You’ve improved dancing by the way.”

“Well after last night, I watched a bit of YouTube. I didn’t want to make you look like a fool because I can’t dance.”

“Is it wrong that I want to kiss you in front of everyone?”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“Well if you fancy a sleepover later, Liv has left us a surprise.”

Drake wondered why Olivia was rooting for them all of a sudden, why she would leave them a gift- he knew that she didn’t feel threatened by Amber compared to the likes of Madeleine, so his mind was working over time due to Olivia having a kind heart.

“May I cut in?” For fuck sake, Drake muttered to himself. His smile had soon disappeared.

“Of course Lady Kiara. Thank you for the dance Drake.” Walking away she could tell how awkward it was but she was keeping up appearances for the Beaumont’s even though half the court knew about her secret rendezvous with Drake. Maxwell offered to dance with her, asking gossip about her and Drake- Amber couldn’t help but wonder what Kiara was talking about with Drake.

“How come you are suddenly dancing?” Asking him with a stern tone of voice.

“Well it’s Liam’s social season. He’s my best friend, I have to make an effort.”

“So it’s nothing to do with HER then? You didn’t dance during Leo’s social season.” Emphasising the word her, he could detect jealousy in her tone of voice.

“Even if it was anything to do with Amber, you and I aren’t close- I wouldn’t class you as a friend Kiara. You are more of an acquaintance. I don’t understand why you all have this hatred towards her.”

“Do you love her?” Seeing her eyes well up with tears, he did feel guilty- but he had never provided her with any indications that he felt the same way.

“I like her. She’s an amazing girl, she’s even tamed Olivia. Be nice to her Kiara, you may become friends one day.” No chance, you are mine Drake.

“We’ll see. Merci for the dance. Maybe do it again sometime?”

******

Madeline noticed that Amber was on her own at the bar, taking this opportunity to pounce - she knew people hated her, what would it matter if she added one more enemy to the list.

“Lady Amber, I thought I’d officially introduce myself as we didn’t get the chance to at the lawn party. I thought you’d be thrilled to have the prince kiss someone of your standard.”

“How about go fuck yourself COUNTESS. I don’t need you to introduce yourself.”

“How rude! I’d have thought Duke Bertrand would have taught you some manners by now. Although your mother, Marie was a commoner with no manners. The only manners she had was when she opened her legs to all the men around here. What was her nickname again? Oh yes. Minx Marie the poor sad little maid. I assume Marie didn’t inform you of who your father is?” Gritting her teeth, she knew about her mother’s situation- how she struggled in life, how she appreciated life considering the hardship she faced.

“My family life has nothing to do with you. I am fully aware about my father, my ancestry and my family. Maybe you should concentrate on your own life! I mean, you couldn’t even keep Leo on a leash. Maybe if you didn’t wear a sour face and be nice to people - some men may actually like you.” Madeleine burst out cackling, Amber wasn’t sure what she had said to make her react that way. An insult usually made people angry or upset.

“You have no clue do you? Did you enjoy sucking Drakes dick last night? I overheard the men talk about about your secret rendezvous. I thought us women were supposed to stick together? You waltz in here, steal the only man that Kiara ever loved....”

“It doesn’t matter! He doesn’t love her! She’s obsessed with a man that will never return the feelings!”

“What and he loves you?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Good. Now I have a little secret regarding you - my daddy once told me. King Constantine, Regina and Leo also know. Do you want to know?”

“Either way you are going to tell me!”

“You aren’t a Beaumont. You are Jackson Walker’s daughter- Drakes sister.”

“You’re lying.”

“Go and ask other people. I’d never hurt anyone- as I said us women stick together. One gets hurt we defend them immediately.” Turning her head towards her friends, she wanted to be sick- she wanted to runaway and never return. Unable to control her shaking body, she returned her gaze towards the blonde who was smirking. Amber pulled her fist back, before hitting Maddy straight in the nose- blood immediately pouring out rapidly.

“STAY AWAY FROM ME - I AM A BEAUMONT, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I’M A NEW YORKER! DON’T MESS WITH US MADDY! OH BY THE WAY- I’LL SEND YOU RECOMMENDATIONS FOR A PLASTIC SURGEON, I HEARD THEY ARE FAB BACK HOME!” Gasps began to echo around the ballroom, Olivia clapped whilst sipping champagne- she loved Amber, but was now worried what she would do to Drake if he ever hurt her. Kiara and Penelope ran over to their friend, placing some ice towards her nose to prevent any swelling. Leo suggested that he would run after amber, explaining that he knew how Madeleines mind worked due to their failed engagement.

*****

Following Amber onto the balcony, he immediately felt the ice cold air hit his lungs- hoping she would return inside sooner rather than later.

“Suture! There you are. What’s up girl? Ignore whatever Madeleine said she just enjoys making people’s life a misery. Nice shot by the way, I think you’ve broken her nose.”

“I don’t care. She deserved it. Do you know who my father is?” Don’t fucking lie to me please.

“Amber. Your mom was lovely, my father always spoke highly of her. She was a hard worker. It was a mistake what happened here- and it’s turned out to be a beautiful mistake. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before, I wanted to tell you- I really did.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me? We had unprotected sex- if I wasn’t on the pill and I became pregnant.... I’ve slept with my fucking brother.” She slept with Max or Bertrand? No that’s just wrong.

“I’m going to be sick. I knew I shouldn’t have come here. It broke my mom. I only came for summers because she knew I needed to spend time with dads side of the family. Can I kiss you?”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you? I need to kiss you.” Before he could reply, she quickly kissed him. “See I feel nothing towards you. Why did I feel something towards my own brother? Oh my god. I need to leave. I can’t breathe.” Beginning to hyperventilate, Leo could kill his ex fiancée for causing all of this.

“Amber! Breathe. Okay, count with me- 1,2,3,4,5.....” Following his instructions, she slowed her breathing down, after a while he escorted her back inside - getting her a whiskey he knew she needed something stronger.

*****

Kiara got in position to begin her performance, Leo and Amber joined the rest of the guests on the dance floor.

I'm trying to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can't let this moment end

You set off a dream in me

Kiara focused her gaze towards only Drake, noticing her- he narrowed his eyes, all he was thinking about was Amber- and what had instigated the commotion between her and Madeleine.

Getting louder now

Can you hear it echoing?

Take my hand

Will you share this with me?

'Cause darling without you

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the nightsky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Maxwell began to believe this song had some personal meaning, following Kiara’s gaze- she never kept her eyes off Drake.

“Shit man, she’s singing this song to you. She’s saying she could have everything in this world but all she wants is you.”

“I don’t care Max, she’s never meant anything to me. I’m falling in love with your cousin- I’ve slept with many noble women before, blurry experiences. Half the time I can’t remember their names but with Amber it felt different- something was there.”

“Do you see a future with her?” Drake nodded, Maxwell knew how guarded Drake usually was- he was happy for his friend and cousin.

“Look after her buddy. I trust that you will.”

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

Drake walked closer towards Amber, standing next to her- he lingered his hand close to hers. Needing to not cause anymore scenes she focused her gaze on Kiara- feeling his fingers brush against hers, he forced them to intertwine. Gulping, she could feel her breathing increase. You are my brother. Please let go of me Drake.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the nightsky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

Observing Kiara focus her attention on Drake, Amber couldn’t take it anymore. The jealousy and guilt. Drake deserved Kiara. Removing her hand out of his, she provided her friends with sorrow in her eyes- before running out of the ballroom. Olivia knew Drake would want to follow her immediately but motioned for him to stay out for the mean time.

For me

Never, never

Never, never

Never, for me

For me

Never enough

Never, never

Never enough

Never, never

Never enough

For me

For me

For me

Once Kiara had finished, everyone clapped even though half of the guests wasn’t keen on her- they were just being polite. Walking over to Drake, Kiara smiled. “One day Drake, you will understand how much you mean to me. I love you. I always have and I always will.” Gritting his teeth, he couldn’t stand the way she made him feel suffocated- he was impressed with how intellectual she was, but for him he had no feelings towards her.

Leo scrutinised the room for the witch, noticing her attention seeking regarding the ‘abuse’ she had received, he dragged Madeleine into their friendship circle. None of them would allow her to escape until she explained the reasoning behind her busted nose.

“What did you say to Amber? People don’t go around punching people. Not that I blame her. I loved the entertainment, does it hurt? Poor little Maddy.” Olivia had no empathy towards the snake.

“I told her the truth about her father!”

“Why couldn’t you just leave it out. She doesn’t care- she will be a Beaumont no matter what.”

“Can someone please tell us what is going off?” Liam asked softly.

“Amber thinks she’s slept with her family member- she was freaking out about it. Max, have you or Bertrand ever slept with her?” Leo knew he sounded ridiculous asking this, he knew they wasn’t aware that Amber was their sister- but they were believed to be her ‘cousins’ and wouldn’t have that type of relationship.

“Are you fucking insane? She’s our cousin!” Madeleine continued smirking, watching the havoc that she had caused erupt.

“Madeleine the truth! What exactly did you say? Future kings orders so be careful with your wording.”

“Drake belongs to Kiki. Not some love child. I told her that her mother slept around with all men here- I told her that Jackson was her biological father. I must blame the alcohol for rushing to my head- getting me all confused, her father is Barthelemy. Little miss perfect is your sister Maxi.”

[finderskeepersff]

60. Part 2

I don’t know if the look of disappointment is showing but Cassius is not looking at me, he’s making sure to look away and everywhere else but me. What is his problem, he’s just come out and he’s thinking about that when he should think about me. I’m not going to pop off on him because Kyle has said what he said but he’s going to hear me if he continues to talk shit, I need to go to work my ass bullshit. Why the fuck have workers, he’s barely been out and he’s already running from me. The fuck am I going to do to stop him, I have no idea and now I feel stressed about him and I have Cartier. I mean thank the gods the boy is sleeping because I know he ain’t about this Jet life at all, he’s catching up with his sleep but I will be waking him. I need my sleep at home, but then again will I sleep knowing Cassius is parading around about going out. I’m not going to come off as angry towards him, I’m going to love him and hopefully my love towards him will make him relax and sleep, I just want to nurture him because this is bullshit. He is speaking shit too, but I think in his heart he knows he did wrong verbally. He’s thinking about the drug business, drugs that made him go crazy and I’m not having it. If he goes out of his way to do it again, I can’t do this on my own again. He can’t do this to me, I’m just going to relax and not think this but I don’t like what he said and did and acting the way he does.

I’m glad to be getting off this jet “I’ll get the seat for you” Kyle said “I can do it” Cassius piped up “then do it” Kyle retorted “where is Fabian, where is those niggas I pay for huh? Why aren’t they here?” He’s doing it again “ever thought that while you was away everyone got peace? We actually didn’t have people wanting to kill us, it’s you. We don’t need them got it?” I don’t want these two to fight “I’m gonna knock your ass out, you being real cheeky now my nigga. Friend or not I don’t deal with bullshit, now that I’m out if you ain’t with me then you ain’t” Kyle walked by me “what is wrong with you? Seriously? What is upsetting you so much?” I said to Cassius “you got a real problem with the attitude why? What has happened? We left and you taking it out on others? What has Kyle done? You know what you ain’t going to do, is just go out and do the shit you do already. When you’re ready to speak then speak, now get the car seat and let’s go” I would love to know his problem, I know him and I know something is upsetting him.

Cassius placed Cartier car seat of the floor in the house, he is back home and it’s like he ran in without looking at anything without any type of joy “Cass….” Mia drifted off watching him run up the stairs “welcome home?” Mia said, it’s no joy with him “Kyle it’s fine, I can take it from here. Mia, thank you for the food. Can you do me a favour, please just take care of him, I need to speak to him alone. Come back for food though Kyle, bring Amira with you” Kyle just nodded his head, he seems upset, both of them are upset and it’s sad that they have kind of fallen out but what can I say, Cassius is just Cassius, something is annoying him and he won’t speak at all, did rehab not work. I am going to see if I can talk to him, see what is up. Probably show him a lot of love to see if he can actually listen, I just hope Cartier doesn’t cut the talking short because I know his ass will be crying when he realises Mia ain’t no mommy. I hope he went into the bedroom anyways.

Pushing open the bedroom door “Cassius?” I said, watching him throw something in the duffle bag, well what the fuck ever he doing “what are you doing?” closing the door behind me, seeing something white, in his hand. Like a brick size “what is that?” walking over to him “you didn’t” seeing the safe what should have been money “you did it again?” I said in a whisper “I am getting rid of it, I can do it” he said as he walked by me, placing more of it in the bag “no, stop!” I grabbed his arm “just stop walking please, one minute” looking down at his hands, residue from this shit will be on him “just relax for one minute for me, what is wrong?” Cassius won’t look at me either “I got a lot of shit to do” I want him to have a shower “you don’t, leave that. I can do it, I am proud of you. Getting rid of it, it’s ok. I am not upset but I want you to have a shower” holding his arm “come” I just want him to have a shower, wash rehab off him and whatever shit he just held “but I don’t want you to touch it?” he said, walking with him to the bathroom “why you got workers for? Didn’t you say that?” he put his head down “then we can talk, you need to just take one day at a time. Take your clothes off” walking over to the shower to switch it on for him “just take a shower and we can talk, ok?” helping him pull his top off, I don’t want that shit on him “why did you touch that? I didn’t even know it was there? My god” I am so useless “wanted to move it, I can do it. Like I am good” undoing his pants nodding my head “I totally understand but you need to get in the shower” he is taking too long.

This shit is in my home, I didn’t even know. Why didn’t I look there “fuck!” I said to myself, am I a fucking drug dealer, no. I have no idea where to put this shit, staring at the safe. He stacked it with drugs, I want to beat his ass now but it’s done with. I don’t even want to touch it, Cassius has leather gloves in his drawer. I use them, making my way to the walk in closet. I want to get rid of it now, pulling out the drawer and grabbing his leather gloves, he has so many. Putting the gloves on as I made my way back “Sofia, Cartier is crying” Mia said outside the door “then just take him to his room, I will be there” grabbing the last of the drugs, who said my life would be like this. I have never held such a thing, putting them in the duffle bag. Zipping the bag up, that is gone but I need to dispose of these, I mean does he keep them or what. You know what I will just dispose them in the trash or something, this duffle bag is full of drugs and I am not sure how to get rid. I can call Fabian actually, I have his burner phone still.

I don’t even want to touch the thing, I am just stood with Mia and cartier. He is ok, well silent for now but he’s stopped whining “he drools a lot don’t he?” using his top to wipe his mouth “where is it?” Fabian asked as he reached upstairs “just through here, thank you” walking to my bedroom, Fabian walking behind me “it’s ok, I didn’t know you had that here. And hi madam” Fabian said, I think to Mia. Turning to Fabian “just this, please take it” Fabian nodded his head “where did this come from? It’s was here all that time?” he reached down picking up the duffle bag “yes it has been, just take it away. Thanks” least this shit has gone because I didn’t know what else to do with it “Fabian” Cassius said, looking towards his direction. Least he has a towel around his waist and he has had a quick shower “Cassius, you are back out. Where is your hair? It’s gone?” Fabian pointed at him “I am back now” Cassius said “you back, I am happy. You are boss, you are ok now?” Fabian asked “do you want me to show you that I am ok?” he is grumpy, every time. Like he needs to prove a point he is fine “I am ok, you have lost lots weight. I will go now, Sofia I will get rid of this” smiling at him, Cassius is being moody for no reason. This man has done nothing but be nice, he has done so much for me.

Cassius threw the towel, I mean his wet towel on the bed. Oh he is back ok, not only do I have one child I have a second too, he is back doing that garbage “it’s a wet towel Cassius, it doesn’t belong there does it” snatching the towel from the bed “you wanted to talk to me?” he remembered “I do want to talk to you” placing the towel on the floor, I can deal with it after “are you happy to be home? You don’t seem to be, you seem more happy in Texas, which is weird. I am happy you are here” I am just trying to understand him “I left a lot of shit here, I did a lot of shit. I killed in this house, I fucked up in this house. It’s hard, I don’t want people to think I can’t do shit when I can and I knew I left drugs in there, I needed it gone. I just need to adjust and get used to it again, but I’m good. Nervous” he smiled at me “well I get it but can you just be nice” I don’t want to get on his case too much “lot of people, you know. I be minding my business. You going down?” nodding my head “yeah, but just be nice” I don’t like this moody Cassius now he’s back.

Cassius followed me downstairs “it’s weird being back, like at this time. I would be in my room just relaxing. I don’t fuck with them people” I know he will get used to it “well, you will need to get used to this way. Mia has gone out of her way, be nice Cassius. Stop being moody with the people that love you and this business about going out” reaching the bottom of the steps “where are you going exactly? You just come out, are you being real?” I want to know if he was just joking or being real with that “I just wanted to know shit was good, I need to get back into it. It’s hard, I ain’t want you to see that. It’s all gone though” I believe him “ok then, but be nice to Mia. Are you ok though?” I don’t want him to argue or cause one with Mia “I’m good” let me go into the kitchen, see what Mia has been up too. I left Cartier with her too “I am so sorry, I am here now. Awww Mia!” she set the table out and everything “it ain’t nothing, girl. Those are paper plates” she laughed “we don’t play that Cartier, tell your momma that” opening my arms up to her “thank you so so much” hugging her close “you know I got you, I told you that. And you, how are you? Bald again?” looking behind me at Cassius “I like to feel the cold breeze” Mia smiled at him “those cheekbones play a part in the fact you can get away with that” he is being nice, that is the first thing on the list.

“I am still annoyed you came so late?” I said as I sat next to Amira on the couch “well, Kyle was annoyed and I was just talking to him but they seem to be talking now” luckily they are “yeah..” I dragged out watching them both “they was both just getting at each other, I think Kyle didn’t want to hear what he was saying” I hate when those two argue “he told me, I said he needs to just ignore him and be there for him but anyways, how the fuck is it having him back?” I blew out air thinking on how to reply to that “erm, I don’t know. I think my worries start now, he’s very much different. Not the same, but maybe I am seeing the real Cassius, I don’t know. I just need to give it a few days and kind of handle it then” Amira poked her lips out at me “he hasn’t held Cartier yet, he himself hasn’t picked him up. He is so uptight about things, any little thing he will be offended. If he hears me talking about him he will be offended thinking I don’t like him” which gladly he is away from me “it’s all well he is back but, how do you feel if he wanted sex” Amira said in a whisper, pressing my lips into a hard thin line “I think I want to ignore that for however long I can, I am not feeling it and I don’t know really. I do still find him sexually attractive, I do get that urge but I am not feeling it right now. Just like you know, I ain’t with this baby thing” getting up from the couch “I need to make Cartier’ bottle” I should put him to bed.

Amira followed me into the kitchen area “so you still not feeling the baby thing yet?” shaking my head “you know that stupid mistake, this is what it is. You know when your mother tells you don’t get pregnant and you do and now you ruined your life, that is me. I am scared Amira, I am scared that I will end up on my own. I know Cassius is wanting to go out, he is wanting that life and only then I will know where I stand on if he has fully changed. I am tired Amira, I have been to these scans on my own, I am on iron tablets but that needs to get in my system. I am just scared, and also I am not scared to have sex with him but I need to see a change in him. He is clean but for how long, I will do my best to make sure he is happy but I have to think of my kids. And if it doesn’t work out then I will be a single mother of two, I am just stressed a little bit” I am just so worried right now “I am here for you, if you need to talk and he is walking over” looking away from Amira “hey” I smiled at him “I want to go to sleep” he announced “that is good, you can If you would like” he doesn’t need to tell me “you coming too?” he asked “I am going now, Sofia I am here ok? Call me” Amira said, he wants me to go to sleep also “ok fine, you look tired” which he does “I just need to clean downstairs, you want to feed Cartier?” I offered “he don’t know me, I will wait for you” Cassius made his way to the stool to sit down “ok, let me give it Mia then” I guess he will wait for me to go to sleep.

[afangirlwashere]

Wrong door (Louis x reader)

(gif is not mine all credit goes to the creator)

A/N: so.......I’m gonna keep this short and quick......after what the fuck happened to my sweet sweet boy in this episode I just really really needed some Louis in my life ‘kay? This was sitting in my drafts since episode 2 and I forgot how good of a boy he was. I still can’t fucking believe what the actual fuck fuck happened what the fu-anyways.. If any of you have any burning ideas my requests are open so....y’know what to do...I’m sad and angry and need to go to bed so I hope you enjoy...peace.....✌️

Warnings: just some swearing, don’t worry about spoilers there ain’t any for ep. 3

Summary: Soup sucks as much as changes nobody told you about. 

(while reading I suggest you listen to this song bc it’s a bop and it nicely flows with the fic)

Soup.  Soup all the time. It was definitely better than starving but ugh.. Fuck that soup! 

(Y/N) would KILL for some fruit.  ‘Apple... Or a banana... Oh my god... Watermelon!’

“What ya’ thinking about?” Ruby asks.

“Watermelon...” (Y/N) blurts out.

Everybody at the table grunts in unison. 

“Goddamnit (Y/N)! Why do you always do this? Now I want it so bad I’d shave my head for it!” Louis bangs his head on the picnic table.

“No, you wouldn’t.” Violet says unfazed while putting another spoon of the tasteless soup in her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right... But I’d shave your head for a piece.” Louis points at her with his spoon while smiling charmingly.

Violet has just about enough energy to roll her eyes at him.

“Or an orange... orange juice...” (Y/N) dreamily looks ahead of her.

“Somebody shut her up or I’m gonna leave this table!” Louis covers his ears.

“Please continue (Y/N).” Vi turns to her and sneers. 

“Strawberries...” she can feel the drools almost slipping her mouth.

“You’re killing me!” Louis is jokingly overdramatic as usual.

It gets annoying from time to time but at least it’s entertaining. Not a lot of fun stuff happening around here anymore.

He was the fun one of the group.  Definitely.

“Alright, I had enough!” Aasim angrily stomps to their table. 

(Y/N) didn’t notice him walking towards them because of her fruit fantasies. 

He throws a bunch of letters in front of them. 

“Whoever is doing this it’s time to stop!” he seems to be getting more and more furious each second he has to stand there “You guys already make fun of me all the fucking time especially you Louis! So if this is one of your stupid jokes-”

“Hold up, hold up... Why the fuck do you have these?!” Louis stands up.

“So they are from you!” Aasim furrows his eyebrows.

“I’ll repeat myself one more time. Why the fuck do you have these?!” Louis snarls.

That’s a whole new side of him. He never seemed to get too angry about... anything. Thinking about it (Y/N) has never seen him in a real fight with anyone yet. Well not in a fight that wasn’t supposed to be a joke.  He was kinda scary in this state. 

“Because you keep fucking shoving them under my door!” 

“No, I don’t! Your room is upstairs!” Louis defends himself.

“What is going on?” Ruby whispers to the others.

“I’m not sure, but I’m intrigued.” Tenn’s big eyes keep moving from one boy to the other. 

(Y/N) shrugs “I don’t know... I just wanted some fruit.” 

“No, it’s not! My room is eight doors before yours! I switched my old one with (Y/N)’s because she kept knocking on my door every night to climb on the rooftop and then left through my room again! It got annoying and I couldn’t sleep so I offered her to switch!” the vein on Aasim’s forehead kept on getting bigger and bigger. 

Louis stared at Aasim in shock.

If Louis wasn’t in the middle of that conflict (Y/N) could just hear him saying “Careful! If that vein pops we’re gonna have a problem.” 

“So I was... I-I was giving the letters... The whole time! To you?” 

“YES!” Aasim picks them all up again and throws them at Louis’s head and storms off to the school building. 

Louis runs after him right away “Aasim! Wait! Come on dude I wasn’t making fun of you let me explain!” 

The rest of the kids at the table exchange confused looks. 

When the wind picks up all letters start to scatter around.

“We should catch ‘em. Don’t want them floating around.” Ruby picks up two letters that still haven’t left the table. 

Tenn - being the smallest one - crawls under the table to catch another one.

(Y/N) has to chase one for a bit till it gets stuck in a bush. Violet hands her the rest of them. She notices (Y/N)’s confused stare “They were obviously meant for you. I hope you realize that... He thought he was sliding them in your room the whole time.” 

(Y/N) sets her gaze on the letters.

There were little doodles on every envelope. Stars, hearts, snowflakes, cartoony looking walkers, heads of dogs and cats, little bees, butterflies,   pressed old looking flower, all that cute stuff. 

“But why the hell would he-” (Y/N) stops talking the moment Violet’s expression changes into ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’  

“Do I really have to explain this to you as well? Louis would flirt with anything that has two legs. I thought you weren’t that oblivious... It’s obvious he likes you.” Vi keeps an unbothered stare.

“I picked up on that I’m not that dumb. But why wouldn’t he just... tell me? He is a very verbal guy after all.” (Y/N) shrugs.

Violet looks a lot less unbothered while rubbing her eyes now “Because he’s one of those ‘helpless romantics’, I don’t know! He’s an idiot! An extra idiot! He probably has like fifty songs prepared for you. I think he wanted you to feel special or something like that... I don’t know how boys think!” 

“Yeah, you might have a point...” (Y/N) thinks out loud “There was this one time I wanted Ruby to braid my hair but she didn’t have time so Louis offered he’d do it.” 

Violet looks startled “He knows how to braid hair?” 

“He doesn’t.” (Y/N) chuckles “Well he didn’t know at the time but I taught him. It took some time but he really liked it so I taught him a fish braid and dutch braid and... looking back at it now I don’t think he was that interested in braiding my hair.” 

“He just wanted to spend time with you... I mean he does pick you for everything. Patrols? Hunts?”

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” (Y/N) clutches the letters with more force. 

“Hey!” Vi shouts right after her “Just... Whatever you do, don’t hurt him too much alright?” 

Louis sat at an old school desk. There was still one room left mostly untouched by the disasters of the apocalypse. 

The downstairs classroom which was meant for classes like history, geography, and biology.  They took most of the maps off the walls because they were useful but some of them still stayed up. 

The chalkboard was filled with drawings. They dedicated this one to the kids so they could have fun with it. There were other chalkboards in other rooms which they used for plans or rules.  Until they got out of chalk. 

Still, it was nice to see one part of the school stay the same. 

Louis remembered the boring biology classes he spent sending secret messages with Marlon or drawing funny pictures of Miss. Gonzales - their teacher. Oh, how he wishes he paid more attention in that class. 

“Can we talk?” 

Louis dreaded this moment ever since he slipped that first letter under the door. Which kind of backfired at him with that whole Aasim thing but... He’ll be angry about it for a while and eventually, he’ll forget.  Aasim is not very good at holding grudges. 

“You know, I found those envelopes and papers here... And then I got that stupid idea to write letters. I’m gonna go dig a grave before I fully process how much I fucked up this time.” his foot is nervously tapping on the floor. 

“Oh come on it wasn’t that bad. Could have been worse I think. You could have been accidentally sending them to Violet.” (Y/N) sits down in the school desk that’s next to him.

“Nope, that wouldn’t have happened. I would slide that piece of paper under her door and before I could straighten my back she’d open the door and throw the envelope on my head just like Aasim did.” Louis weakly smiles.

(Y/N) has the same smile on her face. 

“Listen, Louis,” she starts “I picked up on your little crush on me.”

“Little? It’s huge! It overgrew me in a few weeks! I couldn’t even look at you when I was talking to you! Felt like my face was on fire every time!” 

(Y/N) looks at him startled “Well... Okay... I-I just wanted to tell you that I’m not freaked out by this. I don’t think you’re weird or anything.” she put the letters on the table in front of him “Here... I haven’t read any of them. If you don’t want me to read them I won’t. You can keep them and do whatever you want with them. Burn them, bury them, keep them, I don’t know. But I’ll let you decide.” 

Louis looks at her with big dark eyes “You... You don’t want them?”

“No! It’s not like that!” (Y/N) panicks “I just thought maybe you wish you could take it all back and getting rid of them without me ever seeing what you wrote could help you.” 

He looks at her with furrowed brows “I want you to keep them. Don’t read them now though that would be... weird. If anything happens to me I want you to have them so that, you know, you’ll have something left from me.” 

“Nothing is going to happen to you, Louis. I’m not losing you. You’re going to be safe and sound here with us. At home.” 

The older boy studies her face for a good second “If I wasn’t so sure you didn’t feel the same way about me like I feel about you I’d say you like me too little (Y/N).” he smirks. 

She takes a shaky breath “Never said I didn’t.” 

His response is just like she presumed.  Shocked. His stare is a bit uncomfortable but what else could he do?

“I was just waiting for you to y’know... Say something. I’m not the most confident in these ‘romantic’ things I’m sure you’re aware of that. But you seem to shine in those things so I thought... you would do something.” (Y/N) feels the need to explain her point of view.

“I just-I never thought you-I mean you always-you always seemed to not care. I thought you didn’t think about me the same way I do about you.”

“I mean, yeah you’re kinda annoying. I don’t really get how you can just blurt out stuff without caring plus your jokes can be a little insensitive at times and you named your weapon Chairless which I still think is the most childish thing you ever did but... I guess it’s all part of the reasons why I like you so much. You’re different.” (Y/N) smiles at him. 

“That was the nicest thing anyone has said about me.” Louis stands up while fixing the collar on his jacket. 

“Well, you are a nice person.” the girl stands up as well “No doubt about that.” 

They stand facing each other for a few seconds and then Louis speaks again.

“Tomorrow. After lunch. Come to the piano room.” his voice is back at his confidently relaxed tone which makes (Y/N) happier than she thought it would.

“Like a date?” she asks out of curiosity. 

“Like a date.” he nods and walks past her brushing his shoulder against hers on purpose. 

(Y/N) grins widely and turns around “I’ll be there. And you better play me a song that you’ve written about me.” 

Louis looks back over his shoulder “Oh don’t worry. I got a lot of those up in my sleeves.” he winks at her and finally leaves.

(Y/N)’s stomach did that weird thing again that it did when she first met Louis. If she remembered correctly Minnie always said that those were “butterflies in your stomach” and somehow...? It perfectly described the feeling. 

[iamwhelmed]

Homesick: Chapter 6

A huge thanks to @westernfan1 for beta reading this for me! You’re the man! I was NOT ready to write this chapter, but this is what I get for not writing out the story’s skeleton first.

Read it on AO3

Read it on Fanfiction.net

Cyborg hummed as he opened his arm, started the process of inputting the codes that would activate Raven's tracking device remotely. He paused before he pressed send, muling over it before he said anything. "Robin, they made us promise not to-"

"I don't care what we promised!" Robin swung his arm out, as if to be sure everyone was keeping their distance. "Raven's in trouble! I'm not just going to stand here! We're tracking them and that's final!" Cyborg shook his head, but activated Raven's tracker.

Beast Boy, who'd been still as stone by the puddle of dried blood, pressed off the ground to stand. Terra followed him, unsure that he could, properly. He brushed her hand off. "I'm with Robin. If Raven's hurt, I'm going to find her." Terra slid around in front of him.

"Beast Boy?"

He shook his head, and she would have said more, but she didn't, because his eyes told her all she needed to know. They were set, nearly primal, more mature than the Beast Boy she'd known, though just as determined as he'd always been. His fists clenched at his sides, and he stood taller than she remembered. He was looking at her, but she knew he wasn't seeing her. "I'm not losing her…"

Maybe she'd known, even when they'd had a thing, even when he'd spent his time drooling over her at training sessions and over pizza (she could remember playfully chiding him as his saliva covered her plate "Ew, BB!"). Maybe she'd known after her first return, when she'd catch Raven stealing glances at him, when she'd see Beast Boy looking right past her shoulder. Maybe she'd known for a long time. And she had known, always knew it factored into why Raven hadn't trusted her, always knew Beast Boy's attention was fleeting, because his affections were never hers, not really. She'd seen it since joining the Titans a third time. Beast Boy had been himself, mostly, and he played video games with her and whined when she took Cyborg's side in a stankball match, but he hadn't flirted with her since she'd come home, still told her she was awesome but the hearts in his eyes were gone. When they went a few moments without talking, when they sat in silence skipping stones off the island, she could see he was still missing somebody. That somebody wasn't her, not anymore. She'd figured.

Terra smiled, reached forward and pressed her hand to his fist, lightly pulling so he unwound. "You're right, you won't," she squeezed his hand. "Let's go find your girl." He smiled back at her.

Robin flipped open his communicator. "They're at Jump City Hospital. Let's hope Red X didn't follow them." He punched his palm, the Robin Signal that told them somebody was rearing to get hurt. "Titans! Go!"

It'd been a few minutes, not a long time, but it felt like an eternity to Starfire. She paced outside the emergency room entrance, wearing a ditch in the sidewalk. She was sure somebody would make her stop, eventually, but she would burn through the soles of her shoes before she stopped worrying. Was this normal for pregnant women on this planet? The baby wasn't due for another six months, correct? She shook her head. Raven had been fine leading up to tonight, perfectly healthy, if maybe sad, but they both were. That was okay, they had each other. But what if she'd missed something? What if there'd been signs that she hadn't known to look out for? Had she failed Raven? Her heart sank into her stomach.

The doors opened, and Red X sauntered out despite the wary eyes of the hospital security. "Hey, Red, it's been fun, but I'm gonna head ou-" Starfire raised a starbolt to his face, and he raised his hands in defense.

"You thought I would forget that you had taken that which is not yours?"

A single bead of sweat rolled down his head. "Uh, kinda?" He took it out of his pocket and swung it around his finger. "Look, I'm just gonna hold onto it. Ya know, as a reward for being a good samaritan."

Starfire glared at him, but her starbolt faded. He watched with interest as her arm retreated to her side. "Got your powers back?"

"How did you-?" Red X stared back. She sighed. "No, it is merely the excitement of all of this, of Friend Raven getting hurt, of you helping us despite our numerous hostile interactions of the past?" Starfire brushed her arm with one hand, hoping to ease the bumps of goose. She wanted nothing more than to be at home in the tower, curled up under a blanket, waking up to Cyborg and Beast Boy's arguments over what foods to serve at breakfast. She longed for the familiarity. Right now she felt so out of place, like the motel room was any less a place to rest without Raven (it was, it was), like she couldn't get her thoughts together, like she was the only one feeling like her mind was about to fulminate. The momentary bliss of Red X's assistance, the joy of feeling once again like she and Raven had someone else to rely on, faded. He was an enemy, and he was leaving, and she was going to be alone again. "I wanted to thank you for your effort in assisting Raven and I. It was… kind of you."

Red X shrugged, slyly (they both knew she saw it) sticking the jewel back into his pocket. "Don't mention it. And I mean really," his voice dropped "don't mention it."

Starfire offered him a small smile. "Now go, before I can do the changing of my mind."

He seemed surprised, but he ducked back into the shadows of the early morning. "I'll be seeing you later, Red." He turned around, and she sighed. "Oh, and one more thing?" He glanced over his shoulder at her. "You should probably tell your little friends the truth. They don't look too happy." He leaped away, leaving Starfire to raise an eyebrow. What did he-?

"Starfire!"

Her heart did a somersault between her ribs, because she knew that voice. She'd missed that voice. She whipped around and he was right there, clear as day even in the darkness of 3am in Jump City. Robin, followed by the rest of the Teen Titans, eyes wide, running to her like she was the first drink of water he'd gotten in weeks. Her cheeks flushed. "Robin!" She'd missed him, missed him so badly. She wanted to cry, wanted to fly into him and swing around and feel his steady dependable hands on her. She wanted to hear him laugh, wanted him to rest his head against hers like she'd never left in the first place. But that girl was still here, not far behind him, and so Starfire blushed, but she pressed that heat down and down and down until it was buried under reality.

He skidded to a halt a few feet in front of her, and she could tell he knew that this reunion did not mean the end of this, whatever had been going on. Terra rushed forward and crushed Starfire in a hug, which she was glad to return, though she found she didn't have the strength to return the affection in full capacity. "Starfire! It's been forever!"

"Terra, you are back!"

Terra released her after a moment, stepping back to let Robin interrogate the way only Robin could. That said, he seemed unsure as their eyes met for the first time in months. "Starfire! Where's Raven?"

"She is inside. The doctors are finding what is wrong."

"Wait," Beast Boy approached, not far behind Robin and Terra. "You mean Red X didn't go all stabby stabby?"

Starfire tilted her head. "Stabby stabby? You mean you thought that he had done the puncturing of her with a sharp object, yes?" She shook her head. "That is not what happened. Red X was assisting us."

"Really?" Cyborg raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms. "Red X? Mister Mysterious only-out-to-help-himself Red X?"

"Why would he help you, what happened? Why is she bleeding?" Her heart skipped a beat, not because it was happy, but because pain seized it like a kebab, sifting straight through with the sharpness of an arrow. The girl from Robin's bed had spoken, was waiting for an answer. Starfire met her inquisitive eyes with a wounded gaze. She bulked. "Oh! Right, sorry, I'm Batgirl."

"I see…"

"Robin's friend."

"Yes," Starfire looked to Robin "I am aware."

Robin seemed perplexed by her tone, as it betrayed the neutral stance she'd held earlier, but he glossed over it. "Okay. Star? Wanna tell us what's really been going on?"

You should probably tell your little friends the truth. Starfire winced. "I am unsure if Raven would be willing to divulge such information." It wasn't her news to share, was it? A negative part of her mind, a voice that sounded suspiciously like her sister, mocked her hesitation. Why are you so worried? She probably lost the baby anyway. She shook her head to rid herself of such vile thoughts. Raven would be fine. The baby would be fine. "I am sorry."

"Starfire," Robin placed a hand on her shoulder "We're a little passed secrets now." He nodded to the emergency room. She swallowed hard and glanced at the other titans, at Beast Boy, who looked about ready to melt into a very green, vibrating mess of goo with the way his entire body seemed to tremble. He was scared, scared for his lover, for the girl who hid from him for three months, and he didn't even know why. She bit the inside of her cheek. Robin was right. She closed her eyes and solemnly nodded. Robin took a step back as the rest of the team inched closer.

"Friends," she hoped Raven would forgive her "Friend Raven is with child, and we fear it has been lost."

The group fell silent. She didn't look at any of them. She didn't want to see them process three month's worth of secrets only for it to collapse at the end. It was too soon to be sure, of course, but there'd been so much blood. Starfire cringed. Her cape, a patch had been a deep violet by the time they'd reached the hospital. Her hands clasped together in front of her, squeezing the life out of each other as she wrung them. It was over now, they knew. They all did.

"Um," Beast Boy, Starfire could hear the tremble in his voice, and it killed her. "Was it… do you know if it was- if it is?-" Starfire didn't meet his eyes, but she nodded.

"There was no other man Raven had welcomed into her bed."

There was a choking sound, and she could tell that he was crying, or about to be. He seemed to grow quiet. Nobody else made a sound. Starfire felt her own eyes welling with tears. She'd been worried, so, so worried, and Red X's calm had made it better somehow, because he was detached. It hadn't felt real. But standing in front of her friends, hearing Beast Boy's stifled sobs, reality once again played the part of a cruel sadist, and she could do nothing but watch.

Robin exhaled. "Do we know for sure that it's-?"

"No," she bit her lip, but the tears were already coming, and she didn't have the energy to repress them. "But there was so much blood, and she could hardly breath and- and-!" She covered her mouth with both hands, trying to muffle the sound at the very least.

"Hey," there was a hand at her shoulder, and she found big beautiful blue eyes staring right into her, non judgemental, just full of pity. "We don't know that she's lost the baby yet, okay? There's lots of reasons she could have bled like that, especially if you're dealing with DNA like Beast Boy's. Ask Miss Martian! I still don't think SuperBoy's recovered from that whole mess."

Starfire wiped at her eyes. "You are certain?"

Batgirl chuckled under her breath "Uh, maybe not certain per-say, but I wouldn't give up hope just yet!" Cyborg placed a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. Beast Boy shut his eyes and nodded. There was another hand on Starfire's other arm, pressing against her, squeezing her gently. Robin. He gave her a small smile, the one she'd held onto dearly in memory for all the months she'd been away.

"Let's all get to the waiting room. When Raven wakes up, we're gonna wanna be there."

Beast Boy sat with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He hadn't moved in the last fifteen minutes, not that anybody expected him to. Terra and Cyborg sat to either side of him, Terra rubbing soothing circles into his back as Cyborg flipped through one of the several-year-old magazines, occasionally peeking over to check on Beast Boy. Starfire sat across from Beast Boy, snug between Robin's and Batgirl's seats (though Batgirl had wandered off with everybody's orders to grab snacks from the vending machine). It was every bit as uncomfortable as she'd worried it'd be, but she saw no excuse she could take to switch to a different seat- one on the other side, maybe next to Cyborg. She wrung her hands again, and Robin watched her.

The door to the waiting room opened. Everybody turned.

It was only Batgirl, pushing the door open with one foot as she cradled a haul of sweets, snacks, and sodas in her arms. She grunted and awkwardly pressed into the room. "Could I- ugh- get some help here?" Cyborg set down the magazine and made his way over, holding the door open for her as she waddled in. She dropped the full variety on the table, wiping her brow of nonexistent sweat. "Phew! Thought for sure I was gonna lose Terra's hot fries."

Terra lunged for the bag, ripping it open with a smile and a hardly audible thanks to Barbara. Robin grinned and reached for the potato chips, popping one into his mouth before saying "Thanks, Batgirl!"

"Don't mention it. Least I could do for you guys after you let me crash at the tower the last few months."

Starfire didn't reach to pick up a sweet dessert or a salty snack, and neither did Beast Boy, who had done little but move his hand to glance at the full table before stuffing his face right back into his fingers. She felt him, knew that the anticipation was killing him, was killing all of them, but she was still glad for the company. She'd missed all of them, missed this comradery. Missed what it felt like to be larger than just two people. They knew now, there was no more hiding, no more panicking about someone finding out.

But what would happen now? Would she and Raven return to the motel? Well, that may depend on whether or not they lost the baby. If they did, if all that blood had been as bad as she thought it'd been, she feared for Raven's relationship with Beast Boy, feared it would have been better if she'd never told any of them, then they could return home and only they would have known about Raven's loss. Now? Beast Boy may require the space, as would Raven, and in that case Raven may be too mad at her to share this newfound space together again. Then she'd be truly alone, unable to return home, and Raven would isolate herself from all of her friends once more (she thought of a white room and a white robe and red eyes). She wrung her hands.

But if the baby hadn't been lost? There was no way Beast Boy would let her go again, not knowing now that she was carrying his child. He'd want her to return to the tower, which meant Starfire would probably follow (because, honestly, she'd had space, she knew what she wanted to say to Robin, she was just terrified because she loved him, she loved him so much and-!); she wrung her hands. She didn't know if she could handle any of the potential ends of this situation. She was scared, scared the way she'd been when she'd sat on the bathroom floor of the tower with Raven all those months ago, trying to talk her out of leaving. There was a gloved hand on her own. "Starfire?"

She gasped, ceasing in her ministrations. Robin watched her with consideration. "Star, you're going to break your hands." Her brow furrowed, and she glanced down to find that her hands were, indeed, red with some bruising at her knuckles where she pressed the hardest. They hurt now that she was looking at them, but she hadn't felt anything earlier. She frowned. "Starfire, Raven's going to be fine. She's a fighter, you know that." She could hear Beast Boy letting out a sobering breath, and see Terra leaning her head against his as he slumped forward even further.

Raven was not the only thing she was worried about, but she'd let Robin believe that. "Yes, she is the fighter."

She thought he'd move his hand, but he didn't. He twisted her wrist instead, slowly turning her palm around so he could lace his fingers through hers. Her brain, the part that remembered talking to Raven earlier, it told her that she needed to move that hand, rip it away from him because he'd betrayed her, but she yearned for his touch, and found herself too weak to fight him.

There was a bag of cookies in front of her face, and she turned to see Batgirl offering them up with a smile. "C'mon, ya look like death. You eaten anything?"

"Only the breakfast of small cereal boxes and bountiful breads."

"Continental breakfast?"

"Yes, that."

Batgirl shook the bag in front of her face, and she took it with her free hand. Robin smiled, and she could see Batgirl watching him on her other side. She is not the nasty wrecker of homes that I had thought she was… perhaps I was correct, and Robin truly does carry the feelings of love for her? She closed her eyes and let a shaking breath cross her nose.

The door opened again, and this time a doctor strolled in, clipboard in hand. He stood on the taller side, though there was a curve in his back that must have come from age, going by the lines that framed his smile. Glasses, thick and rectangular, sat on his nose, but his grey eyes were still very visible, and very kind. Beast Boy shot out of his seat, Starfire and Robin not far behind him. The doctor smiled at them, not the kind of smile Starfire associated with bad news. "Teen Titans, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Robin stepped forward and shook his hand. "Ya know, you all saved my little girl once from that nasty oozing guy. The one with all the green?"

"Plasmus?" Robin offered.

"Yes, that guy." The doctor cleared his throat, adjusted the clipboard so it rested under his arm. "Anyway, no need to worry about your friend. She's perfectly safe and healthy, they both are."

Beast Boy tensed, and the rest of the titans stood up. "Does that mean…?"

The good doctor's smile only widened. "The baby is fine, though she'll want to go easy on using her powers. According to the tests we ran, the amount of stress it puts onto her body is-" Beast Boy was out the door, faster than any of them could blink, leaving a gust of wind to trail behind him. It nearly knocked the doctor off his feet, and thoroughly ruined the hair days of all three present super-ladies. Robin adjusted his mask back into place and the doctor adjusted his glasses. "I take it he's the father?"

"How'd ya guess."

"Very good, then" he went around, shaking the hands of the remaining titans. "My name is Doctor Thompkins. Please, if you have any other questions, do give me a call."

"Wait," Batgirl raised a hand. "Doctor Thompkins? Are you… related to a woman named Leslie by any chance?"

His eyes lit up. "Why, yes! My dear cousin Leslie! I do hope she's doing well. How do you know her?"

Robin and Batgirl blanched, skin going deathly pale. "Uhh-"

"Saved her a few times-"

"Dropped a few patients in her care-"

"You know how it is?"

He blinked. Robin grew concerned he hadn't bought their fib. Then he laughed and shook his head, turning around to leave. "Oh Leslie, Leslie, Leslie, always had a deathwish living in Gotham, that one…" The door shut behind him.

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Y'all wanna tell us what that was about?"

Batgirl nervously grinned and Robin shook his head. "Later. Let's go check up on Raven."

[secret-rendezvous1d]

Harry and Y/N are friends with benefits and one day when shes kind of sad and upset they have shower sex together and instead of usual when he tells himself its kind of meaningless and reckless Harry's acting sweet to her and excepts its because he loves her cause he knows shes hurting so he just tries to really please her and kisses her wet head as he takes her from behind, and then after they get out he wraps a blankie round her and combs her hair softly while she sits at her vanity

I hate how carried away I got with this idea… so enjoy it. ;) x

He knows she’s sad. 

She doesn’t need to tell him, she doesn’t need to burst on him, when he can see that it’s written clearly and evidently all over her face. When it’s hidden in her actions that catch him off guard. She doesn’t greet him with her usual upbeat self and a smile on her lips, she doesn’t kiss him upon his arrival and mutter about his stubble in a teasing fashion, she doesn’t moan to him about leaving his boots discarded aimlessly in her hallway because she’s always tripping over them in the middle of night on her way to fetch a glass of water, and she doesn’t tug him along to her bedroom and fall to her knees in front of him with fingers fumbling with his belt in eagerness to get his cock in her mouth. 

She just cosies back up into the nest she’s created on the sofa and brushes his presence away. And it gives him a chance to really look her over and drink in her appearance and see that, just maybe, she isn’t okay and needs something other than meaningless sex to take a toll upon her; a ratty and worn-out and stained t-shirt on her body, the sweatpants that had holes in the thighs on her legs, one sock on and one sock almost kicked underneath the sofa, and her hair looked matted and greasy and like it hadn’t been pulled out of her ponytail and washed in days. 

And it breaks his heart. Because he hates it when she’s upset. He hates it when he knows she’s sad and he can’t fix it.

“Come with me, sweet girl. Let me look after you?” He hums, cupping her knees and squeezing them as her chin drops to her chest and her eyes fall upon his ringless and bare fingers, “come on. Let me take care of you. S’all about you tonight.”

“Don’t mollycoddle me because that is the worst thing you could do right now, Harry,” she hisses, giving him a glare as he sends her a tight-lipped smile and brings a hand to cup her face, “you have no purpose here tonight. You really want to fuck a girl who’s feeling as dull as a December morning?”

“My purpose here tonight is to get you back to your normal self, sweet girl. To get rid of those sad thoughts and the sad feelings and the feelings heartache that reside in here,” he gives her chest a soft tap with his finger, a scowl on her face that softened as he stood to his feet, “tonight is all about you. I don’t want you feeling so low. My best friend shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

“M’just your fuck buddy. That’s what people are saying. That all you use me for is for your own god-damn pleasure,” she grumbles, groaning out heavily when he pulled her to her feet and into his chest, “can you just let me go? Please? If I wanted sex with you, if I wanted to suck your dick, if I wanted you drooling over me and panting like a dog, I would have called you up.”

“Now who has been saying that, huh? Who’s been making my sweet girl feel that way?” He hums into her hair, rocking them from side to side and gradually feeling her loosen up and cuddle him back. Arms around his waist, the tips of her toes nudging against the tips of his, her forehead dropping to his chest, “let me look after you tonight. I don’t have to tend to your sexual needs. Just me and you and whatever you want me to do to make you happy. I’ll give you a massage. I’ll sing you a song. I’ll make you food or pop out to get you a McDonalds. I’ll even rub your feet for you.”

She snickers thickly and deeply and looks up at him, his nose brushing against his chin as hers sat on his chest. His hands cupping her hips as he kissed her nose. She falls silent and the house is only filled with the ticking of her clocks, the thrum of her fridge, the occasional beeping of her microwave and the filter of her telly to keep it cooled as it stayed paused on a show she was mildly paying attention to.

“Will you take a shower with me?” 

It came from her lips in the most softened fashion that he’d ever heard her speak. A dimple popping on his cheek as he nodded slowly in confirmation and gave her lips a deep peck, smiling against her lips when he felt her kiss back almost as passionately as he had hoped. One hand detaching from her hip and cupping the back of her head, his fingers catching the strands falling loose from her ponytail and falling down her back. Pulling away for air and to dash to the bathroom, hot on her heels as he ran after her, grabbing her by the waist with an arm and twirling her around, hearing her scream out in amusement and curl up. Feet lifting up from the ground as he chuckled.

And it’s almost as if they’re taken over by the urges that were pushed aside. Urges, that she didn’t think she fancied feeling and mixing with her sadness, forming in her gut as he stripped from his clothes and let them pool to the floor without any doubts in his mind. Urges, that he decided could go forgotten that night if it meant spending time with her, resurfacing as she stood before him in a mismatched lingerie set he’d never seen on her before that made her breasts look perky and her hips look so feverishly appetising. Her fingers dragging up his bare chest as he stood before her in the naked flesh. 

“You’re just so beautiful,” he whispers, reaching his fingers behind her and unhooking the bra that held the mounds of her chest hostage, “so beautiful.”

“I got stood up,” she murmurs, her bra straps falling down her arms and the cups falling loose from her chest. Her arms snaking out of the material and letting it fall to her feet. “Last night, I had a date with a guy. Blind date set up by a friend of mine. Except he never showed up and I was left humiliated in the middle of this restaurant,” she drags a finger around his nipple as his fingers hook into the band of her panties, “if I was beautiful, I’d have men falling at my feet and worshipping the ground I walk on.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no,” he moans out, falling to his knees and pushing his face into her stomach, “no, no, no,” he whispers against her skin, pulling down the knickers on her body and following the path with his lips, leaving wet and open-mouthed pecks on her stomach, “he’s a fool. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. A gorgeous girl with the most gorgeous body with the best personality I know.”

“You’re not mad I had a date?”

“Mad? You’re my best friend, sweet girl. I want you to be happy. If that means losing out on this agreement for you to be with someone who fulfils you in ever way possible, then so be it. We’ll still be friends,” he smiles, standing back to his feet and slowly walking her back towards the shower cubicle of her bathroom. Reaching to the side and twisting the knobs, water cascading down their skin as they stood beneath the jet of the shower head. His hair falling wet against his forehead and his eyelashes dropping droplets down his cheekbones, “would you be happy with someone else? If our agreement came to an end? Would you?”

“Honestly?”

She looks at him with the most innocent of looks. His hand coming up to pull out the band holding her hair into a ponytail, letting it fall to her shoulders and stick to her face. Nodding towards her.

“Right now, our agreement is something that keeps me sane and it’s been something I’ve enjoyed more than I should. It keeps me from going crazy with my thoughts and it lets me relieve myself because, let’s face it, when am I ever going to go out and hook up with a drunk lad from a bar. I’m not doing it with a stranger. I’m doing it with my best friend. I can confide in you, Harry. I’m not selling myself to feel better or giving myself away just to feel pleased. You listen to me and you take care of me. Both before and after,” she admits, looking down towards their feet and sighing before looking back up and holding his hands, “but our agreement is strictly platonic. No feelings. That’s all it will ever be, right?”

And he wants to disagree with her. He wants to shout from the rooftops that he finds the agreement to be something pointless now. Because it is. Platonic? He fell in love with her months ago. Feelings? He’s riddled with them. And they all aim towards her. They all result in him thinking about her at night when his hand is wrapped around himself. She’s all he can think about.

Instead of answering, he snakes his arm around her waist and holds her to his chest. Her bare back flush against bare chest, his knee prying her legs apart before he’s slipping himself between her folds and filling her up in a way she loved the most. In a way that she craved when she was feeling horny and cock was her mind. Filling her up in a way she could never do herself. Making her feel satisfied and driving her nuts as he thrust into her with the most painfully and achingly slow thrusts.

His lips moulding into the back of her neck as her hands came to rest upon his, his fingers splayed out on her stomach as she whimpered as watched his toes curl into the tiles of the bathroom floor. Balls deep inside her as she felt him touch every inch of her.

And it’s not long before she’s writhing in his arms and begging for him to fuck her harder and clenching around him as she orgasms and gives in to the pressure in her gut, crying out with her head rolling back against his shoulder as he pulled out and had her finish him off with her hand. Arching his back and spurting, dribbling down her arm and onto the shower floor to be washed away down the plug. Leaving no evidence of an orgasm behind. The warm water being exchanged for cold air as they left the confinement of the shower and entered her bedroom, leaving themselves in the nude. A comfortable silence swallowing them whole as he grabbed a blanket he brought for her and wrapped it around her shoulders, planting a kiss to her head as she settled at her vanity of her bedroom. Her make-up scattered everywhere, a dress balled up underneath the desk with matching heels beneath it, dried foundation marks clinging to the glass after it had flicked from her brush whilst doing her make-up, and a tired but content looking reflection starting back at her before being joined by a butterfly and swallow tatted chest.

“F’I promised to never stand you up, would you consider going on a date wi’me?” Harry mumbles, his fingers raking through her wet hair and removing the knots from the nape of her neck as he stood behind her sitting figure, looking at her through the mirror of her vanity. Her head snapping up and twisting to look at him, “jus’ think about it, sweet girl.”

“Harry…”

“I know we agreed to no feelings whilst doing this. To not fall for one another. To not… you know, do boyfriend stuff. But, how can I not fall in love with you? You make me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, (YN). You not only satisfy the need in my pants and the need to feel like I’m being loved but you make me feel less lonely when I’m all alone. And you know how lonely I get,” he whispers, gulping softly, “girls just don’t stick around. But you did.”

“A date though? You know what that means?”

“It means I show you off as someone special to me,” he smiles sheepishly, “it means that if it works out, I not only get to call you my best friend but I can call you my girlfriend.”

“And if we break up, you don’t get to call me your girlfriend… and you won’t be able to call me your best friend either,” she admits, her words being followed by a yawn that she covers with her palm, “Harry, I’m just tired. I just want to have a cuddle and a kiss in bed with you. Where I don’t have to worry about anything and I don’t have to think about anything. And I just get to be with you. That’s my kind of date.”

He pauses for a moment and watches as she stands to her feet, looking at her as she drops the blanket from around her shoulders, giving him a smile and wiggling her eyebrows playfully. A smile lifting up his cheeks and curving his pink and raspberry coloured lips. 

“Post-sex cuddles with you, sweet girl, are my favourite kind to have. It’s a date I just couldn’t possible refuse.” xx

[omgahgase]

Rin Should Keep His Mouth Shut

Hey guys I’m back with a new fanfic!! While scrolling through Tumblr a few days ago I found a headcanon from @ao-no-head-canons that I absolutley loved. This is also for @rinshairpins who rebloged the post for me to see and for @sataniasblog becuase they gave me inspiration for the last part of the story. I hope you guys like it!

Rin was always one to speak before he thinks, he knew his big mouth would get him in trouble one day. What he didn’t expect was it to land him in what he thinks is the most embarrassing thing he’s done yet.

He was making dinner for him and Yukio, moving around the kitchen in a blur of blue and black. The fish was on the frying pan and the rice was about to be finished any minute. Rin seemed like he was dancing as he glided to one end of the room to the next, knowing exactly what he was doing. As he added pepper to the chicken, he was also grabbing garlic off a shelf. The way he cooks makes it look like he could beat Bobby Flay with a hand tied behind his back. The boy was skillfully chopping vegetables for the stir-fry when Kuro decided to nuzzle up on his leg.

“Hey Rin! The food smells delicious!” He was practically drooling at the sight of the fish.

“Thanks buddy,” Rin smiled down at his familiar. “How does this taste?” He scooped a small spoonful of the stir-fry sauce and placed it on the floor. The black cat eagerly licked it clean with a happy purr.

“It’s great! When can we eat?”

“Once Yukio gets back from his mission.”

Kuro leaped up on the counter next to his friend. “But that could take hours! What if I die of starvation before he gets here?” He pouted as Rin poured the chopped vegetables in the pan.

“I think you can last another hour.” He took a pinch of spices and threw it in the pan. “Besides I saw you eat that rat not too long ago.”

“But Riiiin, I’m hungry!” If Rin wasn’t immune to the whining and pouting, he would’ve been putty in Kuro’s paws. The damn cat has mastered the big eyes and sad ears down pat, making getting what he wants a lot easier.

“Not yet,” He picked the cat up and plopped him on the floor. “Now get out of my kitchen before I fry you up.” Kuro yelped and dashed out the door.

While Rin finished dinner his mind drifted to the mission Yukio was on. It was just a simple task, get rid of a demon that has been hiding in someone’s house. They didn’t know what kind of demon it was, but Yukio could handle it and if anything went wrong then Shura would jump in. Those two made a good team.

Rin smiled as he thought of Shura. Ever since they found out she’s been living in their dorm, the three of them have been spending more time together. On some nights she would watch dumb YouTube videos with the twins, on others they would just talk for hours about their day. Rin’s favorite nights are when Shura would be in a good mood and tell them about their father before they go to bed. At times like that, it would remind him of the times Shiro would read him a bedtime story to sleep easier. After every tail of heroism about his father, Rin would sleep like a log the whole night.

Sometimes Rin would wonder if having Shura around is like having a mom. The thought would always leave a tight feeling in his chest, an empty feeling he doesn’t like. Not knowing what a mother’s love feels like is a touchy subject for the twins. They knew Shiro loved them unconditionally, it was enough fit for two parents, but it always felt like something was missing.

While Rin’s thoughts drifted from Shura, to not burning the food, Yukio entered the kitchen looking a little worse for wear. “Nii-san, I’m back.” Once Rin took a look at him, big brother mode kicked in.

“What the hell happened to you?” he shouted while putting the stove on low heat. “You look like you were dragged across Japan!”

Yukio looked down at himself and sighed. His coat was ripped in multiple places and there were mud stains on his pants. His glasses were also broken, one lens was cracked while the other didn’t have lens in the rims. He touched his forehead and found a trail of dried blood. Yukio gave a weak laugh. “Well, turns out it wasn’t a simple mission after all. A horde of Goblins were living in the basement of a newlywed’s house. When I opened the door they all attacked me. The biggest one latched onto my arm and took me for a ride around the block.”

“Damn it Yukio, aren’t you supposed to be the badass top exorcist?”

“I mess up sometimes too, I don’t need you to worry about me.” There was irritation in his voice. “I was completely fine.”

There was something in his eyes that wasn’t right, the blue took a darker shade and made him look more tired. Rin sighed. “Whatever, just get cleaned up. Dinner will be done soon.”

Yukio grunted in response and exited the kitchen.

As Rin set the table, his brother reappeared in a t-shirt and sweatpants, his spare glasses perched on his nose. “Nii-san, how many times have I told you not to leave your dirty clothes in the hallway?”

“I don’t think I can count that high.” He turned to face Yukio. “And what dirty clothes? I did the laundry yesterday.”

Yukio pulled out a chair and sat. “The clothes that I just picked off the staircase.”

“Sorry four-eyes, that was mine,” said Shura as she opened the kitchen door wearing an oversized shirt with a juice box in her hand. “Meant to get those after I was done with my shower.” She shook her short hair and water sprinkled onto Rin.

“When did you get back?” asked Yukio. “I thought you were picking a fight with Mephisto last time I saw you.”

“Yeah I was, but then that jackass poofed away before I could get a good swing on ‘em.” She winked and plopped down on the chair across from him.

Rin placed the rice on the table with a happy smile. “Alright dinner is served!”

“Thank you for the food!”

Just as the three were about to dig in, Kuro flew in from the window, eyes set on the feast. Before he could attack the fish, Shura stuck a butter knife in his path, almost slicing off a whisker. “Hold it cat, me first.” She cut a piece for herself then for the pouting familiar. She smiled as Kuro perked up and nuzzled her hand.

Rin felt his heart swell as he looked around the table. His brother had a soft smile on his face, looking content. Shura was devouring the stir-fry and chicken, looking like she was in heaven. After a huge bite of rice she told Yukio to sit up straight while he ate. This is what he looks forward to the most after the end of a long day, to have this family atmosphere around the dinner table. Rin was staring off into space when Shura poked him with her chopsticks. “Oi, eat. Or else yer food will get cold.”

He nodded with a goofy smile on his face. “So how’d the mission go?”

Yukio swallowed before he spoke. “Well after the goblin took me away, the rest of the exorcist deposed of the remaining nest. Turns out there was a dead rat that made them go ballistic. There were more than one house could shelter, so I had a few of the guys inspect the neighborhood. ”

“What he said,” Shura agreed in between bites of fish.

“What were you doing while my baby brother was being dragged off?” Rin pointed his chopstick towards the girl stuffing her face.

She snorted. “I was fightin’ off the king, the bastard got me good when I wasn’t payin’ attention.” Shura lifted her shirt to reveal a bandaged torso. A sharp feeling shot through Rin’s chest at the sight of the bruises and smaller cuts on her body. He knew she’s been in worse condition than this but it still hurt to see.

“Oi, don’t make that face!” She leaned over the table to flicked his nose. “I’ve taken more beatings than this than you’ll have in yer lifetime.”

Rin rubbed his nose while Yukio snickered next to him. “Oh yeah? What was the worst fight you ever had?”

Shura’s eyes lit up and a smirk made its way on her face. “One training session with yer dad left me in the hospital for a full week. That old man beat my ass into the next lifetime.”

“Yes that was a day to remember.” Yukio smiled at the memory. “I won twenty bucks that day.”

“Only because I was a cocky little shit back then and didn’t have enough experience.”

“Oh please, the only difference between then and now is that you’re taller.”

“Yer better watch it, four-eyes. I could ground you for sassing me back if I wanted to,” Shura’s smirk widened at her triumphant win. “As one-half of yer guardian, I have every right too.”

Yukio frowned at his rice, keeping his mouth shut. Rin laughed at his defeated brother until realization dawned on him. “Wait a minute! He was there to watch?”

“Yup, brat bet me Shiro could beat me in under an hour. It only took him twenty minutes.” She took a sip from her juice box. “I still have the scars to prove it.”

“Aww man! You guys got to hang out with Dad all the time doing badass exorcist stuff!” Rin crossed his arms and pouted like a child.

“If it makes you feel any better, Dad wouldn’t take me on most of his missions because they were too dangerous,” Yukio said in an attempt to cheer the boy up.

“Actually he didn’t take you because he didn’t want you pissing yer pants on the job,” explained Shura.

Rin erupted into laughter while Yukio stuttered in his seat, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. “W-what? That’s n-not true! He was just looking out for my safety!”

“Believe what you want kid.” She took another bite of stir-fry. “But he told me everything. He even said you didn’t stop sleeping with a nightlight until you were twelve.”

“T-that has nothing to do with this!”

Rin laughed harder as the two continued their banter, by the time they were done, Rin had tears in his eyes and a smile on his face.

When dinner finally finished, the three started to clear the table while Rin ranted about Suguro. “I mean the guy is a total jerk! He wouldn’t lend me a pen. A pen! How dumb is that?”

“I can see why he wouldn’t Nii-san,” said Yukio as he started washing the dishes. “You chew on the ends without knowing. It’s kinda gross.”

“Still, the dude has a whole case of pens, he couldn’t spare just one?”

“You’ve been talking about Suguro a lot lately.” Shura pointed a finger at the boy. “You got a crush on him or something?”

Rin stopped dead in his tracks. He hoped she couldn’t hear his heartbeat or else she’d know it picked up speed once she finished that sentence. As he turned to face away from her, a dark blush appeared on his face. “W-what? No! I hate the guy. He’s the worst.”

“Sure, whatever you say.” He could practically hear the smirk on her face. They continued to clean the kitchen until Yukio found a box in the fridge.

“Nii-san, when did you buy a cake? You know our allowance is limited, you shouldn’t be buying things you can bake yourself.”

Rin gave him a skeptical look as he pulled the small box out. “I don’t remember buying one.”

“I bought it,” said Shura. “I forgot I put it in there for after dinner.”

“What? Why?” Asked Yukio as he placed the box on the counter. “I don’t normally see you eating cake. What’s the occasion?”

“Who cares? Let’s eat it!” Exclaimed Kuro as he jumped up and down next to the box.

“It’s been a year since I started training Rin. I just thought that we’d have a little something to celebrate the kid not scorching anyone yet.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “It also gave me an excuse to buy cake.”

If Rin hadn’t cried his eyes out earlier (one of his favorite manga ended and the last chapter was released that day), he’s pretty sure he would’ve burst into tears. “You remembered the day you became my teacher?”

“Course I did.” A faint blush colored her cheeks and she wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “Hurry up and cut the damn thing, I wanna piece already.”

Rin was so overjoyed that he flung himself into Shura’s arms, making her stumble backwards. She smiled as she awkwardly returned his hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He pulled back enough to look at her face. “You’re the best, Mom!”

The kitchen went silent, no one talked, no one moved. The only sound was the water from the leaking sink. Even Kuro didn’t make a peep. Once the word left Rin’s mouth, time seemed to stop, just to leave him in utter embarrassment.

Yukio was the first to snap out of the trance by saying, “Holy fuck.” Normally he doesn’t swear, but this was definitely a swear worthy moment.

Rin released Shura and scrambled backwards, hitting his hip on the counter. He could feel his face heating up more every second. Even his tail was puffed up in embarrassment. Him and his big mouth.

Shura’s eyes widened and a huge smirk was plastered on her face. “It wasn’t a problem, Son.”

At that, he completely lost it. “I didn’t mean to say that! It was an accident!” Rin started to wave his hands in front of him. “I was just caught up in the moment! My mouth said that without me knowing!”

He stopped his ramblings when Shura doubled over in a fit of laughter. “Oh God kid, enough, enough, I can’t take it!” She was clutching her stomach, her face red with tears in her eyes. The twins just watched as she continued to enjoy Rin’s predicament

The boy wanted to be swallowed up by the floor, never to be seen again. He hasn’t felt this modified since Suguro found him snooping through his room for his phone. Even then he knew it wasn’t bad, the guy never spoke of it to anyone. But this, oh boy, this is gonna haunt Rin for the rest of his life.

Once Shura composed herself, she stood up and whipped a few stray tears. “Thanks for that, I haven’t had a laugh like that in months.” She grinned at the shocked faces of the twins, making sure to commit them to memory. “Oi, four-eyes cut me a slice, I ain’t getting any younger here.”

Yukio just shrugged as he grabbed a knife and started to cut the cake. Rin, still red in the face, went to grab plates and forks. “So we’re just gonna pretend that didn’t happen right?”

Shura snorted as she finally got her dessert. “Yer cute kid, but no. I’m gonna remind you about this until the day you die.” She yawned as she took a bite. “Well I’m gonna hit the sack. Night guys.” She turned and walked out the kitchen with a wave of her hand.

Rin turned to face his brother with a death glare. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll poison your bento boxes.”

Yukio smirked as he took a slice for himself. “I promise I won’t tell a soul.” He then walked to the door but stopped mid-step to look at his brother. “Son.” The last thing Yukio heard as he walked to his room was Rin screaming.

Later that night, when the boys were sound asleep, Shura snuck into their dorm room. The light was still on when she opened the door, she wore a fond smile at the sight of the twins. Yukio was snoring in his bed, he was still wearing his glasses with a book on chest. She removed his glasses and book, placing them on his desk next to his bed. As she watched him sleep, she couldn’t help but poke the mole on his chin. He mumbled something about mineral water and turned, facing his back to her.

Shura made her way to the other side of the room, giggling at the sight of Rin. His right leg was hanging off the edge with half his blanket on the floor. Both his arms was above his head, as she got closer Shura could see that both his eyes were slightly open. Kuro was snuggled next to his neck, his split tail under his nose, making it look like Rin had a mustache. She picked up his blanket and draped it over his sleeping form. He stirred for a moment, uttering incoherent words. For a split-second, Shura heard him say “Suguro”. She smirked to herself. The kid did have a crush.

She stood next to the bed a moment longer. She didn’t know what came over her, but the next thing she knew, Shura was leaning down to place a kiss to his forehead. When she stood up, Rin had a small smile on his face. She walked to the door and flicked the light off. When she was almost out of the room, she turned back to look them. She leaned on the door frame, a warm feeling erupted in her chest as she thought of all the fond memories they had together. “Sweet dreams, my boys.” Shura turned into the hallway and closed the door, letting the twins sleep for the night.

[valkyrieelysia18]

Sugar Fix

After spending a lot of time with Ruby Rose, Oscar had come to realize that there was one word that could perfectly describe her.

Adorkable.

When it came to her passions, she freaked out in the most cute way possible (or maybe it was just cute to him, he didn't know and honestly didn't need that answered). Dragging her to a weapon's store was asking you to basically waste your afternoon going over all the latest models. Watching action movies with her meant her REALLY getting into the fight scenes (and putting some distance between the two of you so she didn't accidentally hit you like the last couple of times).

But he had to admit the current situation was probably her at her cutest.

Ruby had her face to the glass, her eyes sparkling as she breathed in the stray whiffs of sugar and chocolate coming from the bakery. He was pretty sure that was drool coming from her mouth. "Ah....chocolate chip...."

Oscar couldn't help it anymore, he felt his laughter escape him at the scene. The two of them originally had gone out  to get some fresh air after a not so good lunch (he was never going to trust Qrow's recommendations for food again), but that all changed the minute Ruby saw the traditional bakery they were now standing in front of.

The little red riding reaper pouted back at him, more cute than intimidating. "Hey, don't laugh! It's been months since I've had proper cookies! Months!!"

The farm boy couldn't get rid of all the laughter as he responded. "Okay, okay! Then let's get something, it'll make up for lunch."

"You've got money?"

Oscar nodded, his hand going to one of his pockets. "Yeah, Jaune gave me Qrow's wallet. Nora took it off him when he was sleeping off his last hangover."

Ruby looked a bit judgmental at that. "That's kind of wrong."

"I thought that too, but then Jaune pointed out that way he can't sneak out to buy alcohol and waste money we could possibly need later. He told me he'd take all the responsibility for it."

It was then that the man in his head commented. Good to see he's starting to think two steps ahead. Granted, Qrow is going to up his training when he finds out.

'I don't think he could be worse on Jaune than he already is.'

Nonetheless, Ruby thought about it for a moment before getting excited again. She pulled out her Scroll (the regular signals nearby were enough for local contact). "Fair enough! Oh, I better text the others for what they want."

Oscar pondered the other's preference as she typed. "Well, knowing Nora she'd probably like anything with sugar. Ren's more health conscious, so he might not want anything or he could just have a little of whatever Nora gets. As for Jaune, I'm pretty sure he could go for anything."

About a few seconds later, Ruby's scroll dinged. As she saw what was there, she giggled and looked back up at Oscar. "Bullseye. Seriously Oscar, can you like see the future or something?"

He shook his head. "Nah, not at all. I just kind of figured that's what they'd want."

Actually, you are capable of seeing the future though it takes some time for that power to manifest. Nor is it necessarily the most reliable power, why I remember the time I....

Oscar had to keep in his sigh as he addressed his other. 'Ozpin....I understand you're trying to help me understand these powers, but can you not do it when I'm talking to someone?'

...Oh. My apologies. We'll discuss this later.

With that exchange out of the way, Oscar came back to reality. He hoped that Ruby hadn't caught onto the exchange, but he was taken aback as he saw her looking back at the goodies in the window display. Only her expression this time was less joyous and more sad.

Oscar spoke, getting her attention. "Hey, are you okay?"

That seemed to catch Ruby a little off guard before the sadness faded away a bit. "Oh, I'm fine. So, I know what I want. What about you Oscar?"

He felt himself slightly redden in embarrassment (even after all this time spent with her, he still feels so unsure of himself and what he means to her), but nonetheless smiled as he answered. "Well, chocolate chip cookies sound good to me. Want to share?"

"Of course! It's been awhile since....I've actually shared chocolate chip cookies with someone."

That change in mood was rather sharp, Oscar could even feel Ozpin getting surprised by it as he saw Ruby's smile dull into some of the sadness from earlier. He never liked seeing her sad. "What's up?"

Ruby waved a hand quickly, as if trying to dispel the sadness and concern before stopping as she explained. "Oh, it's nothing! It's just.....well, my mom was a really good baker. I remember Dad saying that if she hadn't been a Huntress, she probably would have opened up her own bakery. The kitchen always smelled wonderful no matter what she was baking, but her specialty was her homemade chocolate chip cookies. It wasn't Yang's favorite though."

Her smile became wistful as it turned. "After Mom....well....we didn't use the kitchen for baking for a while. Or much cooking. I don't remember it that much since I was really young, but Yang said Dad kind of shut down for a while. Even when he got better, he really didn't do any baking. Probably because it reminds him too much of her. I think Uncle Qrow is kind of the same. He used to love chocolate chip cookies as much as I do, but since that time he stopped eating them completely.

"Yang tried to make some cookies for me, but she could never make them taste like Mom's. It's funny....I don't really have many memories of mother, most of what I know about her is what people tell me. But I know she was kind, she made the best sweets.....and I really miss her. Even though what time I had with her was very little."

That stunned Oscar to silence, he could also feel Ozpin taking this all. He could feel the older man's regret as he felt the strange taste of tiramisu on his lips. He never liked coffee (had no idea what idea what tiramisu was until this moment), but this tasted good.

He realized what he was feeling or rather what was being recalled. 'I thought you hated sweets.'

....Usually yes. But Summer's tiramisu was an exception, Ruby's not exaggerating about her mother's baking abilities. Peter still misses getting to sample her sweets the morning after she'd go into a baking frenzy. Although, she never did figure out I was the one who was taking her tiramisu.

'Why did you take it? Couldn't you have just asked her for some?'

.....it's complicated.

'Like Why you let Jaune into Beacon complicated?'

Good comparison actually. But aside from the fact I don't want to talk about this right now, aren't you currently talking to someone else?'

He was right, but Oscar didn't like his avoidance. 'One of these we are going to have a very long chat about all those personal secrets of yours. It's not fair that you know all of mine, but I don't know any of yours.'

"Oscar, are you okay?"

Oscar turned to see Ruby looking at him questioningly. He smiled in a nervous way. "Oh sorry, I was just thinking about what you said. It's just....huh, I guess I'm kind of the same. I don't really remember my parents either, my first memories are of my aunt and she never really liked talking about them. So, I kind of think you're lucky to have even a few memories of your mom and can hear stories about her from others. Even more so that you have so many people that care about you."

Ruby smiled as she thought about that. "Yeah, I guess I am kind of lucky."

RUMBLE!

The sound of two grumbling bellies together broke the atmosphere as the two started giggling. Oscar pointed to the bakery. "So, cookies sound really good about now."

Ruby nodded, slipping her hand into Oscar's as they headed into the bakery. "Yeah! Better not forget the other's orders though."

Aww. It's adorable with sadness sprinkled in. Needed to write something with all the craziness going on.

Anyway, Ruby was obviously very young when her mother died, but I like to think her love of cookies came from a memory of her mother. It's also been a while since I did Rose Garden so that was due.

Anyway, next time will be something with the whole group I think.

[17percentgrey-blog]

A bit about me and the bike(s)

Ok. So... here's the deal. About spring of 2007 (or so) while my classmates and I were anticipating our Senior year of college and dreaming about how we would spend all the money we were going to make (ahem), we got on the topic of what vehicle(s) we were going to purchase. A bunch of guys wanted old vintage muscle cars, some guys wanted big trucks, some wanted newer sports cars, a few of us wanted motorcycles.

Many hours over multiple days were spend finding pictures of our respectively "perfect" vehicles. Emails were sent with stats and links and more discussions were had about the merits of the varying styles, makes, models, performance, and coloring. During my searching I was asked about Harley-Davidson. Now I wasn't really much of a Harley guy. I am not a fan of the "big dresser" motorcycles out there and at the time I felt the Sportsters were just about as interesting with the way they were styled. But none-the-less I was goaded into at least checking out the HD website.

I wasn't really that impressed.

At first.

Until I noticed a link on the nav bar that said Buell...

I started poking around on that part of the site and was shocked to find (no sh*t) a selection of American made actual sports bikes.

(Ok, ok, ok... we can debate the finer points of "American Made" vs "American Assembled" and all the "What percentage of that thing is really 'American'?" and "Most things are made in China no matter what the tag say!" and on and on... But I'm not going to debate it here. Designed and Assembled, is American Made enough for this story.)

They actually had a look that seemed to be interesting (to me). And not a Super Sport, full tuck, 150 MPH everywhere you go, look, but a sporty but comfortable, nimble, look.

Well... As our Senior year started and we all got reeaaalllly busy with school work. Our pipe dreams faded and, by the time we graduated and entered the work force, no one was talking about getting one of those vehicles that we had drooled over.

It wouldn't be until two years later that I would be reminded by one of my cousins about that gradution gift I was going to buy for myself. I kind of laughed it off, however, the seed was re-sewn.

I would toss around the idea of getting a motorcycle with some of my friends and they would say something to the effect of, "Oh! You're getting a Harley". To which I replied, "Nope. I want something a little more sporty, but not a rocket."

Well, at some point, my memory caught up to me and I remembered those bikes that I saw on the Harley website (all those years ago). So in 2010, I searched for that Buell that sparked my interest. I thought, "Maybe the newer models are even cooler than what I remember".

Then one day I was talking with a friends husband (who was much more into motorcycles than I had been) and he mentioned that Harley was dropping the Buell line.

(queue record scratching to a stop)

I was kinda crushed.

For a few reasons.

Mainly though, I thought it was a shame that the American sport bike was going away. (Once again, and there is no accounting for taste here, but I still thought that those beefy Harleys being the only representation of American motorcycles seemed sad, and a little like "Really America, we don't want fun and sleek? Do we only want a car on two wheels?" Seriously some Harleys weigh more than my first car [a Geo Metro].)

I decided not to purchase a Buell for fear of having to maintain a mechanical device on my own. In hind site, I should have realized that seven years of guaranteed service/parts should be plenty for me to get my head wrapped around all that I would need to do to maintain a bike, but that's 20/20, and I didn't.

Looking around the Harley website at the Buells I noticed they really didn't look much different from a few years earlyser, but they still looked good!

(sigh)

Onward.

I did eventually decide on a motorcycle and it was (cough) a XL1200N Harley-Davidson Nightster. (>.<)

With all the smack I was talking earlier, how could I have purchased a Harley.

Weeeeeelllll... My first bike was a sexy bike. (As seen below.)

I was tagging along with my friend while he looked on one of those "car on two wheel models". I kind of fell in love with it on the showroom floor. But whatever. I loved it and it gave me many good miles.

I did end up selling it just after I purchased my next bike. I think I only regret getting rid of a perfectly working motorcycle. And that looking back at picture it was a dead sexy looking bike.

Fast forward to the spring of 2019. I was poking around looking at motorcycles (as you do) and I found this.

A 2004 XB12S Buell Lightning. Mmmmmm tasty! It was litterally the same style I was planning on purchasing so many years earlier. It came up for the right price on (a popular website whom I will not mention here) and I couldn't resist.

Now, you see, I felt comfortable working on things (in a limited capacity). Years had gone by with me owning a motorcycle and I had done some middling upgrades on the Nightster, so I felt confident I could tackle things as they came up with the Buell.

After taking it for a test drive and not finding anything standing out that would put me off. I made it mine!

Oof-Ba-Boof is this thing great. It isn't the fastest. It isn't the most powerful. I'm not going to quote a bunch of specs (that is what the internet is for :) but sufficed to say it is everything I wanted in a motorcycle the first time I saw one. Zippy, nimbly, and looks amazing.

"Ok but how did you end up with a XB12X Ulysses then?" you ask.

There had been plans to drive up to Alaska (starting just after I bought the Lightning), camping all the way, on motorcycles with a couple of friends. It was planned for the summer of 2021. Obviously there was a little bit of a damper put on that trip (for the future generations that may, for some reason, be viewing this just look up 2020 Covid, and you will see what I mean). I had been looking for a bike to make that trip. You know to start a small collection of motorcycles. One for each occasion. But since it didn't look like we were going to be able to make the trip I put the purchase of a "touring" bike on hold.

But... Finding that I had time to kill, getting a bike ready to be the best camping bike it can be, seemed like a fun project. So I changed my search to something a little less shiney and ready and more into a project.

Since I was looking why not get a Buell ;) I had found the XB12X, not far from where I live. It was a smoking good price (which means) it was in rough shape when I picked it up. The clutch was all but burned up. The headlighs didn't work. The previous owner (not besmirching the guy) had tried to do some custom wiring and kinda messed some things up. It needed new fork seals. A bunch of the bolts were stripped and or cross-threaded (you know... basically a Harley). But it had promise. The engine was working great and ... The frame wasn't bent.....

I did say project.

Anyhoo. That really brings us here. The plan is to get this thing not just going, but upgraded to be a rocking, camping ready, sexy looking, up for anything kind of motorcycle.

[teleindiscreta]

My Abortion Wasn’t Like Ben Folds Said It Would Be

Wesley Allsbrook for BuzzFeed News

My best friend Daleen and I were born in the same hospital five days apart. When people ask how Daleen and I met, I like to say exactly this: “We were born in the same hospital five days apart.” It’s a standard party trick, something I’ve learned to deliver in increasingly pointed ways over the course of our 15-year friendship, a joke whose social-emotional function has never been lost on me. It’s something I wish were true, but isn’t. Something that isn’t, but maybe could be: the story styled and served sideways. Why not?

There are people out there who fumble the joke immediately. These people consider my response, make eye contact, and say, “Wait, no, but really.” These people are not my friends. Friends ask me how I first approached Daleen in the hospital nursery (did I crawl or did I scoot?) and how she responded (did she cry or did she drool?), and for a moment I feel relaxed knowing there are others who wish it were so simple, too.

Such were the frustrated circumstances of my life when I vomited in a Dunkin’ Donuts bathroom and discovered I was pregnant.

Having been born five days apart, it’s not uncommon for Daleen and me to structure our birthday season around each other. This is because I love the sturdy escapism that a prolonged birthday celebration provides, and also because we are both still traumatized by the year I forgot Daleen’s 19th birthday in 2007, referred to here in shorthand as T.Y.I.F. (“The Year I Forgot”). I don’t have enough emotional stamina to detail T.Y.I.F. now, but eventually it was nine years later and we had more or less moved on. Daleen and I were both seemingly grown, both with graduate degrees and gym memberships, both renting one-bedroom apartments in Hollywood — only Daleen’s was on the more respectable end. Mine was pushed up against the Metro red line and infested with roaches. Additionally, my apartment came with a sweet, adoring boyfriend I couldn’t convince myself to want to marry, no matter that for seven years he loved me the way he did, with a kind of cherubic grace you just don’t hear about in Hollywood, and no matter how badly I wanted my story to unfurl in clean, white lines on paper.

Such were the frustrated circumstances of my life when I vomited in a Dunkin’ Donuts bathroom and discovered I was pregnant. It was the week before my 28th birthday. The Future! I thought, staring into the putrid, porcelain expanse of the toilet bowl. It wasn’t glamorous, but was it All Right?

I ordered a sausage-egg-and-cheese breakfast sandwich and thought about my one-bedroom apartment next to the subway — the roaches, the leaky gas stove, the anonymous grifter who kept smearing excrement on the sky blue Toyota Prius I inherited from my sister — and decided to schedule an appointment for an abortion as I soon as I could muster the words to tell my boyfriend, who was living temporarily back east for a job. By the time I did tell him, it was my actual birthday — number 28. And in response, he asked whether any part of me felt excited to know I could get pregnant, as if I hadn’t already carried the burden of that knowledge around with me — the messy red-brown muck of it — since I was 11 years old.

I didn’t feel excited. I felt desperate to be alone and terrified to be alone in alternating waves. I didn’t know which was the more honest feeling. I still don’t. But my body felt different in a way that was so apparent it surprised me. I felt hardened, nauseated, and ravenous for sugar all at once. More than anything I wanted to be rid of that feeling, to soften back into my old salty self, which is why I think Daleen and I went forth with our birthday festivities as planned, hosting a house party at a friend’s place a few nights after my abortion procedure. Daleen even made a flyer and two cakes. I wore a black velvet mini-dress and, because I was still bleeding, a giant menstrual pad, which I held securely in place with a pair of Spanx. That night I didn’t think much about my boyfriend, or even the baby that could have been. Instead I got drunk, because it was a party. I ordered a pizza. I entertained a group serenade of “Happy Birthday,” I licked frosting off my fingers, and I flirted with a crush because I was already falling out of love with the story I’d written about myself, or the one that had been written for me.

“Brick” By Ben Folds Five.

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When my Northern California Catholic school needed a hip way to talk to freshmen about the consequences of abortion, they played us “Brick” by Ben Folds Five. It was 2002, and despite my unwavering understanding (even at 14) of my right to choose, I was young enough then for my pathologies to still be forming. For the next 15 or so years, Ben Folds’ account of emotional collapse following his high school girlfriend’s abortion at “6 a.m., day after Christmas” instilled in me a belief in the destructive quality of my own womb, which was then deep in the throes of female puberty. Perhaps as a result of this education, as a teen I sought control over the disorder I sensed in my body. I tweezed, flat-ironed, stuffed my chest into push-up bras, and eventually I went on the Pill, if only to protect myself from being drowned in watery emotion — a heavy, sunken brick at the bottom of the San Francisco Bay.

Following its release on their Whatever and Ever Amen album in 1997, “Brick” became the alternative rock band’s biggest hit and gained enough mainstream radio play that early fans accused Ben Folds Five of selling out. Despite its controversial subject matter, the reason behind the song’s widespread appeal can be understood in its lonesome lyrics and moody piano arpeggio, which suggest that — politics aside — abortion is sad for everyone. Especially Ben Folds.

Abortion does feel sad for some women, and that’s OK. But “Brick” isn’t about the experience of some women, or even one woman. Pay no attention to the piano gimmick and all that remains of “Brick” is a man imagining a woman drowning both herself and those around her with the weightiness of her #FemaleProblems. Ultimately, “Brick” is a song about how abortion made Ben Folds feel about Ben Folds, which, if for some reason you need to know, is “numb” and “alone,” despite his girlfriend being the one actually having the experience.

My adult self wonders how Ben’s girlfriend would have painted her story differently. Would she really think to include the detail of her boyfriend selling back his Christmas gifts on the same day as her abortion? Would she tell us what she ate afterward? (I ate a cheesesteak and I want to know.) Which TV shows would she recommend binge-watching to ignore all the bleeding? If she imagined herself a brick, would she instead be the kind thrown up against a windowpane?

I remember discussing the possibility of an unexpected pregnancy with another friend, Emma, after we both finished graduate school and faced the uncertain future of the rest of our lives as writers who also happen to be women.

“Would you have an abortion?” I asked her. “At this point?”

Emma, who was born in east London and raised in Essex — more accustomed to the grit of life than me — thought she wouldn’t, that somehow she’d learn to endure motherhood on a diet of rice and moldy vegetables, like her mother before her, and her mother’s mother before that. I said I’d opt for the abortion, but that I’d probably develop a drinking problem from the resulting pain and distress. In response, Emma laughed the sheepish way friends do when they agree with you but know they shouldn’t. We both wanted a third option, only we didn’t realize what that option could be yet.

John Everett Millais's painting “Ophelia” shows a scene from Shakespeare's Hamlet, in which Ophelia drowns herself in a stream after having been driven out of her mind when her father is murdered by her lover, Hamlet. Painting held at Tate Britain, London.

Print Collector / Getty Images

It seems important to note that while enrolled in the same Catholic school where I was encouraged to consider my uterus as one might, say, an albatross, I was also required to read Hamlet, in which the O.G. Damsel in Distress — the hapless and inconsolable Ophelia — drowns in a brook following the news of her father’s death. The scene was depicted by artist John Everett Millais in a now-iconic painting that hangs in Tate Britain. In the image Ophelia’s corpse is nearly submerged in murky blue water, as if her life has been extinguished by her own tears. Tied up in these narratives of women drowning is an implicit understanding of their physical and emotional conditions as less solid than their sturdier male counterparts. By comparison, women are soft, squishy, encased in liquid, or containing too much of it. “The female body is a leaky body,” writes my friend Emma in her essay “A History of Interiors.” Of course, the monthly fact of the female reproductive cycle adds yet another sodden layer. (Emma again: “The red mystery of woman: a feminine stigmata, foul and lubricious.”)

It’s not typical for me to swoon over conventionally attractive people. My type is more “90% attractive, but with something kind of ugly about them,” which is why I’ve dated a lot of extroverted cis men in the past. “Max” (which isn’t his real name) was a different kind of crush, though. Max was an LA kind of crush, which is to say he seemed imaginary, the kind of crush meant to distract from a dying relationship. Not only was our flirtation contained almost entirely to the digital sphere (Max liked all my Instagram selfies in the summer of 2016), but the easy naturalness of Max’s movie-star anatomy felt utterly impossible to me, by which I mean a woman from elsewhere, with no familial ties to Hollywood at all.

I had arrived in LA a misfit Bay Area exile, raised in some shapeless tech town hours and hours up I-5, while Max had a Movie Family. You could tell by the way he never mentioned his parents unless you asked him something direct, and even then Max never named names. That’s how you know who grew up with Hollywood and who didn’t. There’s a calculated casualness to the locals there, whereas I tried to tell anyone who would listen about that one time in college when child star Haley Joel Osment bought Daleen a pepperoni pizza and I happened to be there, too.

Close friends joke about my peculiar lack of chill, about the spastic way I carry my limbs and all my random bouts of nausea in public. I never see myself coming, which is why I felt surprised when, standing on the balcony the night of my birthday party, I swiveled around to flirt with Max and broke a fist-sized string light bulb with the sway of my right hip alone.

“Hips don’t lie,” Max said.

Indeed. I scraped shards of glass away with the side of my sneaker and excused myself to the bathroom. When I returned, I found Max sitting downstairs and flopped next to him on the couch. A beat passed while I crossed my legs, pursed my lips, and considered what to say next, only Max figured it out first:

“Is that blood?”

He directed his gaze toward the fleshy inside of my left knee, where a string of my uterine lining had decided to invite itself to the party. I looked down at myself then too, feeling the sudden, hot pressure of addressing the condition of my uterus for a person who did not, in fact, have one. Max himself seemed perplexed by the source of my blood, asking for a first and second time whether I’d been cut by the broken glass on the balcony, and for a moment I considered what it would feel like to tell Max the truth about my abortion and the possibility of bleeding without being wounded. Instead I said:

“It’s chocolate.”

In her video work “Untitled (Blood Sign #1)” (1974), the late Cuban-American artist Ana Mendieta scoops handfuls of animal blood from a tray and onto a white wall. After tracing the outline of a doorway around herself, Mendieta scrawls a series of words in sharp, swift movements. “There is a devil inside me,” read the words inside the bloody doorway. The video then fades to black.

I find I am often more interested in the artist behind the work than in the work itself. In this case, Ana Mendieta is nearly as famous for her death as for her provocative “earth body” art of the 1970s and ’80s, which typically featured blood, dirt, hair, ritual, burial, and the artist’s nude form. In September 1985, Mendieta was a rising art star when, at the age of 36, she fell from the 34th floor of the Greenwich Village apartment building where she lived with her husband of just nine months, the minimalist sculptor Carl Andre. Andre was present at the time of his wife’s death, reporting to 911 dispatchers that the two had quarreled about Andre’s higher level of prominence in the art world, after which she “went out the window” and died.

Tried for murder in the second degree, Andre was acquitted on all charges, ruling Mendieta’s death an accident or suicide by default.

The inverse of a suicidal woman is a homicidal woman.

After immigrating to the US as an orphan in exile from her native Cuba, Mendieta studied art at the University of Iowa, where she established herself as a fiercely ambitious, vital force who was as engaged as she was enraged with the male-dominated art world — “a devil inside her.” When painting and sculpting proved inadequate mediums to communicate her radicalism, Mendieta sought to imbue her work with a greater sense of power and magic and transitioned into experimental performance, which she documented through photography and video. In “Untitled (Facial Hair Transplants)” (1972), a male friend shaves hair off his face as Mendieta applies the hair to her own. In “Bird Transformation” (1972), Mendieta transforms the body of a woman into a fowl by covering it in white feathers and blood. In “Untitled (Self-Portrait with Blood)” (1973), she stares directly at the camera while blood dribbles from her forehead and down her nose, into her mouth. When asked by a district attorney whether she believed it possible that Mendieta could have killed herself, friend and fellow activist Lucy Lippard answered resolutely: “No.” She had too much life inside her.

The inverse of a suicidal woman is a homicidal woman: a monstrous woman, a woman of energy and intensity in excess, a powerful woman covered in thick, hot red blood. It’s clear to me now that Mendieta was born red regardless of the materials she used in her artwork. For her crime was one of multivalence, of contradiction. In her ambition and in her husband Mendieta was drawn to what she was most repelled by. She was herself, as changeable as she was in conversation with the world around her: a red woman — as much as Ophelia is a blue woman and the girlfriend from “Brick” is a blue woman, by which I mean solitary and tragic, without faculty enough to swim themselves to shore.

In Millais’s painting of Ophelia, her palms are held open and raised slightly above water at chest level, as if to suggest stigmata — only there is no blood. Ophelia’s hands have been wiped clean.

“What is the relationship between physical states, bodily wastes (even if metaphoric ones) and the horrific?” asks scholar Barbara Creed in The Monstrous-Feminine.

In drowning women we wash the red parts away.

For a long time after my abortion, my blood became a problem. For six months I didn’t bleed at all, my period mysteriously absented, just like the words I searched for to explain what had happened, how I was trying to understand it. Then, for a month straight, I bled in public. It didn’t matter how many layers I wore to protect myself against the seepage. My blood was angry, spiteful. I bled in Mexican restaurants and in the freezer aisle. I bled down the maddening, circular hallways at the university where I worked. I bled at the bottom of the Verdugo foothills, where I dripped onto the hardwood floor of my new home in Glendale, where there was no more boyfriend and no more roaches, only sometimes crickets in the kitchen sink in the morning. I bled through my jeans, once, when Emma made me laugh too hard. We were drinking wine on the sofa and Emma scrubbed the stain out of the couch cushion while I threw my jeans into the wash. I bled so much I thought I might be hemorrhaging and called my doctor, who told me the bleeding was rare but not abnormal. I started to feel light-headed, so Daleen dragged me out for steak at El Coyote, where my Diva Cup spilled out onto the floor of the women’s bathroom — red. When I stood from our table after dinner, the napkin I’d been sitting on was soaked red, too. Daleen threw all that red under the table and tipped when we left. It was all anyone could do. ●

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