#kind of rly out of nowhere rude . basically i think they ignored me for like 2 days straight and i was like . idk i was sad but i didnt

[faaun]

ok im gonna say the situation im in rn in the tags and pls tell me if u think its unhealthy (from your perspective)

[leahseclipse]

Difficult day

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: (based on a prompt) Spencer and Reader give up coffee and help each other by trying to find ways to keep each other awake.

Warnings: Mentions of murder (not real, just ironically, don’t worry, nothing dangerous there.)

Word count: 2.3 k 

A/N: Hi there- so uh, this fic is rly meant to be a silly little one, so it's a bit whack,(and not rly written well to me) I just wrote it bc the idea was there and I felt like writing it at 1am……………...so hope u enjoy a bit lmao (also i never drank coffee once, so I just researched stuff online and wrote it)

**

          Deciding to start the day without coffee probably was a bad idea to think about, it just hit them while they were talking, and Spencer sort of announced the idea.

“Hey, why don’t we try to give up coffee, and see if we can survive without it, you know.”

What a...excellent idea.

She’s now looking like a zombie, wandering around, and can’t resist the idea of closing her eyes. 

 Y/N has been up since 6AM, and it’s about...11 now. Which felt more like a whole day.

The worst of all, is that she couldn’t even bug Spencer about it either, he decided to do it as well, but at least, she has a coffee-deprived friend to support her.

The real problem, is that, Hotch might not be happy with the consequences, which are...sleeping at work, so, not working.

What a great day ahead of them, yay.

She’s probably making a fuss about it, as after a bit of searching, it only lasts about a few days or so, but right now, she just wishes it could stop right now.

She already knows that as soon as Spencer is going to walk in the room and launch the subject, a mountain of facts is going to fall, and she wouldn’t even be aware of how long it’s, and when it’s ever going to stop.

Because, even if there’s four facts (which isn’t about to happen), he develops each of them in the form of essays, which seems like a whole conference.

Y/N doesn’t mind, it’s not annoying, she likes to hear about it, it gives more knowledge and stuff, but when it ends to be an essay long, especially when she doesn’t happen to have drunk coffee, things get complicated, in terms of focus.

Such as, being slightly, just a little, really not much irritated, but mostly tired as hell.

Working is not in her plans at all. Sleeping is.

Taking a day long nap, as much as possible, but, fucking work, has decided to annoy her, as much as it could, with a wonderful surprise: a pile of papers, that you have to read, think about, write about- as you think about it, make sure it’s well described, filled out, so your boss doesn’t bug you with it, causing you to re-write it, which...makes you lose motivation, as you have to go through the whole process, which makes you...even more tired.

She seriously has no idea how she’s going to make it through the whole day, and strangely feels like the coffee machine has been mocking her since she arrived.

All she wants is to hide it with whatever is in the room, or smash it against a wall, but that isn’t...possible, as not everyone is doing ‘their challenge’, if that can be seen as one, because to y/n, it’s more of a torture.

If Spencer didn’t have that pretty face to protect, she would punch him in the nose as soon as he’d appear in front of her.

That wasn’t even her idea, she didn’t think that when she mentioned it, he’d take it seriously, resume the subject and make it real.

She really regrets talking about it, because he didn’t just skip it or talk normally, no, Spencer doesn’t do that.

He really had to take it as far as he could.

Now she possibly wants to kill him, but unfortunately remembered that he’s going through the same thing, and will probably want to either kill her, or attempt something less violent, such as making her talk about a subject that interests him on purpose and make an essay out of it.

And, of course, steal all ways of distraction, and make sure she can’t go, because he also ‘tortures’ her by asking questions, and when she can’t answer, he develops it even more which makes the rest of the essay late, and last longer.

Again, it isn’t in a mean way, just annoying her as well.

They often do that, find ways to annoy each other, it’s kind of a habit they picked up throughout the years, they both find it distracting and can be a nice way to distract each other when work happens to be quite annoying.

But, never has she thought that he’d take the joke to the point of what keeps her awake. 

That sneaky bastard even left a box of tea on her desk, and she would have probably thrown it out if it wasn’t so expensive.

If only he wasn’t doing it as well, oh, how she would have grabbed a knife from the kitchen to throw it at him.

Also, also, as if it couldn’t get any better, one of them had to stay awake, in case one happens to fall asleep.

Double the dose of fun.

She can’t wait to see him cross...the door.

Strangely, as soon as she told it, Y/N saw a well known face make his way through the bureau.

She even had to keep her from standing up and possibly strangle him.

He didn’t even stop to talk to other people, just said ‘hi’, and basic stuff you say when you arrive at work, and arrived at the conference room.

It happened to be empty, so she took the occasion and settled there.

“Oh, you’re already there? Thought you’d come in later.”

“I came early, because I knew that I’d ignore my alarm and possibly arrive an hour later than you...or not at all.”

“Okay. How are-”

“Dead. What about you?”

“The same.” Spencer said, as he sat up. “So, about it-”

“...knew it.”

“...why don’t we discuss so, you know, we distract ourselves from...the fatigue, and...all of the other effects that come with a coffee withdrawal?”

“Do I look like I have the energy to do that?”

“...no.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“To distract ourselves, as said.”

“My head hurts, I want to sleep, I’m pissed off, how do I even do that?”

“By trying to avoid bright lights...oh, yeah, that doesn’t work.”

“As figured.”

“So...if I understood well, we’re screwed for the rest of the week?”

“Exactly, genius.”

“Great plan.”

“It was your idea.”

“Can’t deny.”

“You could have chosen something else than fucking coffee Spencer.”

“I didn’t have any idea but that.”

“Come on. You always have a ton of stuff in that brain, and just on that day: nothing.”

“My brain lagged.”

“Oh, I forgot your brain is a computer now apparently.”

“It is one, I am my own computer, I just have a system that can fail, like a regular computer.”

“Which OS are you on? Genius OS? Because your ‘intelligent’ system sucks right now. I prefer Windows.”

“Hey, when we agreed to do that, insulting each other wasn’t part of the thing.”

“It’s the only thing I have in mind, because if I don’t do it, I’m either killing you, or sleeping to try to calm down. I could also do both. Murder, then sleep, and I just pretend someone walked in and killed you while I was sleeping.”

“...that’s not very nice.”

“It’s the nicest thing I’ll probably be saying today, so, enjoy.” 

“I didn’t know that included you being rude. I’m also tired, but I don’t act meanly.”

“Oh, sorry, did I hurt your feelings?”

“...yes.”

“Too bad.”

“Rude.”

“ ‘s not.”

“If you continue like that, you’re going to be the one keeping watch.”

“We agreed on the other one doing it if one of us falls asleep. None of us are, we’ll see when one of us sleeps.”

"Is this a contest or what? You know that the minute one of us puts his head down on the table, they'll be out if nothing wakes them up?"

"Yeah, I know. But if that's a contest of who can stay awake longer, you're going to lose, you've been on coffee much longer, prepare to suffer."

"You look dead, you're the one that's going to sleep first. I almost caught you dozing off when I walked in." 

"No you didn't."

"I did."

"...no."

"You're lying. That small "no" gave it all away."

"I talk like that in general. It's nothing."

"You talk like that just today. The only thing that hasn't changed is your squeaky voice."

"I don't have a squeaky- I have one."

"Told it."

"Oh, shut it."

"You'd be too sad.without my knowledge."

"No...I wouldn't."

"You're smart because of me."

"Mhm. 'f you tell so." She says, propping up her chin on her hands. 

"You're already giving up five minutes in. You're very strong."

"Am not. I'm just...putting my hand on my hands, just that."

"Just that."

"Exactly."

"You don't know...how to lie properly." He said, stretching up a bit. 

"You're going to be sleeping in a bit too."

"Don't you know me by now? I'm stronger than you."

"Hm. Elevator accident."

"That doesn't count."

"You had a small voice."

"I was just scared, okay? I- I don't like being in small spaces for too long."

"Says the 'strong man'."

"Okay, I'm not as strong as I said, but just a bit more, because being at your level equals being weak."

"Hm. Okay." Y/N lazily responds, as a pair of heels begins clacking onto the floor, the sound growing closer, until a familiar face comes in.

"Is there a meeting I wasn't informed of or what?" Garcia asks.

"No, we just sat here. Trying to stay awake, and y/n is that close to sleeping."

"Shut up, you were about to as well."

"And you're just here like that? Imagine if Hotch even found you guys."

"Yeah that'd- y/n. Y/N." Spencer raised his voice, trying to get her attention.

"Let me." Garcia interrupted, walking to her as she shook her. "Y/N, wake up and stand up, you two are going to follow me."

"Hm…? Where?"

"You're going to stay in my office for a bit, but just for today. I'm taking a risk by doing that."

"Do we get to sleep there?" Spencer asked.

"Just for a bit. Not all day, I'm doing you guys a favor here, you're going to have to find a big way to thank me if Hotch finds out and yells at me."

"Deal." Y/N answers, quickly stretching as she stands up, lazily walking to the exit along with the two.

*

It's been just half an hour until Hotch begins to wander around, wondering why he can't find either of them anywhere.

He just saw them walking in, and now, they're nowhere to be found.

No one else saw them since, and the only person left to ask would be Garcia, she's been in her office all day.

Just when she begins to make her way back, a stern voice calling her name interrupts her.

"Garcia. Did you see Reid and y/l/n?"

"No, I haven't seen them all day..must be doing work." She answers.

"They're in there, aren't they? They're nowhere else."

"...maybe?"

"They're supposed to be working, and I doubt that's what they're doing right now."

"But Hotch, leave them; this is how true love starts in fanfiction. Don't you see it?"

"Fan what…? I really have to get you drug tested some day."

"Fanfiction you know, it's stories that people write, it's all cute, in some they fall in love and all, so, that's why you have to leave them, they fell asleep on each other, and it's so cute."

"Garcia, I thought you agreed to stop reading that stuff at work, didn't you?"

"...I read them on breaks." 

“Fanfiction or not, love or not, they’re not supposed to be sleeping, so, please don’t force me to break that door to come in.”

“Don’t yell, they were really tired, so I...offered them to stay. Mostly because I wanted to help, but also because they’re so cute, I couldn’t resist seeing them sleeping together.”

“That depends on how quick they can wake up.” Hotch announces, stepping to the entrance of the room.

When they both step in, you’re both sitting on chairs and Spencer is sleeping against y/n’s shoulder, while her head is on his.

As soon as Garcia wishes for Hotch not to wake them up, he steps further in the room, clearing his throat as his foot tapped against the tiles.

It didn’t take much for them to wake up, everyone knew that when Hotch’s voice was to be heard, you definitely had to be awake if you wanted to avoid a sermon. 

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" Y/N stated, as if it could make the situation somehow better.

"Reid." Hotch said.

"I'm there, I- oh, did I...fall asleep on your shoulder? Sorry for that."

"As much as I'd like to reassure you, Hotch is behind, so that'll have to wait."

"Oh...sir." 

"Care to explain?"

"Well uh...I don't think I actually have one."

"...we didn't have coffee for a day or two because we decided to stop so, yeah."

"Does this even look like a valuable reason?"

"No." They both admit.

"If I see this happen again, you're aware of the consequences."

"Yes sir." Spencer responds.

"Absolutely." Y/N answers, as the eyes of the group follow Hotch leaving the room, a sigh exiting their lips. "That was...the worst moment of my life."

"You two are disappointing, I was so excited to see a real life fanfiction, but you had to get caught."

"Garcia it doesn't exist, stop reading these. It's not like we're in love."

"It's because you don't know how to recognize true love y/n. You're a newbie."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Fairy tale stuff, you know. The couple falls in love, eventually gets married, has kids , and everything ends well."

"I think we should talk to Hotch about getting you to take a drug test or other." Spencer pointed out.

"We should."

**

[thefudge]

i saw you reblogged that lost in austen gifset, what did you think of the series?

hoooooo boy, u have poked the bear

there is the short answer: i love-hate it?

and then there’s the impassioned rant you never asked for (IM SORRY):

so, lots of folks who love Lost in  Austen argue that it’s just frothy satire, y’know taking an absurd scenario and milking it to death for laughs

but i think one of the hallmarks of good satire is that it shouldn’t take itself seriously. it should poke fun, while also being aware of what it is. leslie nielsen’s airplane! does not pretend to impart any kind of gravitas.

whereas…

Lost in Austen is a weird hybrid. it wants to be alice in wonderland-absurd, but it also wants to say something meaningful about romance and love and like, family. it wants to elicit an emotional reaction from you, even though it spends 90% of its time mugging at the camera. i think it would have been a far better frolic if it had done away with any pretensions of “drama”. 

basically, you’re fucking with canon? that’s swell. own that shit. don’t fuck with canon and then hide behind it and try to say “no,no, this is still a P&P adaptation” because.. EH.

the capital error this parody-satire made was having its main character (a modern-day gal who, through some wonky shenanigans, enters the universe of the book) end up with Darcy.

like genuinely, honest to god, end up with Darcy. Not ironically, not for laughs. Framed as true love. 

and yes, yes, this is basically OC/self-insert 101; ppl do this all the time in fanfiction. so many modern ladies end up on the quest to take the ring to mordor and charm the pants off of either aragorn or legolas and it doesn’t always make sense. but those folks writing those fics are somewhat aware of what they’re doing. it’s a consciously fuelled guilty pleasure.

LiA wants to surpass guilty pleasure, it wants to be smarter than a self-insert narrative, cuz look, satire!

which is another thing. if you’re satirizing austen of all people, you had better rock it. cuz she was a first-class primadonna. LiA has some pretty funny lines, i’ll give it that, but they lose some of their charm due to the context. this is due to direction/acting. like for example, the guy playing wickham is doing his very best to challenge amanda (the MC) to a witty repartee because amanda, who knows his character from the book, appears to loathe him. this should make for a fun dynamic (i mean that’s the whole premise, right? that she knows p&p so there’s dramatic irony whenever she confronts a character), but for soooome reason, the actress playing amanda is not having any of it. by that i mean that she plays this whole thing in a very dour, serious fashion, like she’s a side-character on atonement or something. i mean, george wickham is flirting with and cajoling her and amanda’s predominant response is a schoolmarmish “most unorthodox!”, with the added open mouth for effect. she is so scandalized by him, but not in a fun way. she’s supposed to be playing along with the wacky scenario, but instead she’s jodie foster in panic room.     likewise, they try to add lots of laughs to mr. and mrs. bennet’s fraught marriage/relationship, and it would work if, once again, they didn’t treat it with such self-importance. mr. bennet keeps shouting obscene things at her, while mrs. bennet is ten seconds away from bursting into real, non-caricatural tears, because this has somehow turned into blue valentine. like you’re almost genuinely wondering if the movie forgot what it was. BINGLEY OMGOSH BINGLEY. he ends up in this existential ennui because jane marries mr. collins (long story, trust me). and he becomes sort of a drunk and a general weirdo?? AND THAT’S THE GAG. i mean you’re not totally sure. is it supposed to be funny, odd, endearing?? the movie can’t make up its mind. but yeah, jane/bingley is treated like fucking romeo & juliet in this “adaptation”, they are SO tragic, they were honestly THE couple of the series, which is pretty ironic given that, as far as i know, we don’t even get to read their dialogue in p&p (we literally just read about them talking, but that’s it. like yeah ofc they’re a good match, but come on, this isn’t supposed to be lust, caution.).

and there are many other examples where the tone is all over the fucking place and the comedy is underwhelmed by the directorial choices. 

which brings me to amanda herself. she’s the culprit in many of my complaints. i’m not here to harangue the actress, but she was woefully miscast and given a terrible script to work with. she’s so utterly charmless and so goddamn witless. there is literally a scene of her tearing off pages from p&p while standing in front of pemberley, having a mental breakdown because “darcy is being mean!!!!1″

even a minor austen fan would do better than she does, and she’s supposed to be an obsessed connoisseur. basically she’s a caricature of an austen fan who 1. knows very little about the actual novels and the historical context (she often acts out of place because she has nooo damn clue how georgian/regency society works - and sometimes you wouldn’t even need to have a clue, it’s just common sense, but homegirl stubbornly makes modern references and expects the bennets and everyone else to just get jiggy with it) and 2. mostly flails over darcy and his perfection, ignoring what actually makes him interesting as a character. meh. 

but it’s not enough that she makes no effort to understand/fit into the society she’s landed in. she also has to be very crass and rude. every other scene she says something offensive or bursts wildly into rooms and screams at people (???), throws hissy fits out of nowhere and wigs out because her beloved p&p is not supposed to be like this *waaah*. she’s just a mess. and that’s the trope they’re going for. darcy falls for her precisely because she’s such an “adorable” mess. meanwhile, real elizabeth is in modern-day england, having a blast (wish we got that series instead) and generally not feeling very keen on returning to 1811. so amanda is kind of a stand-in for lizzy, which GOD.

it’s basically the same as saying, “lizzy = amanda = winona ryder from reality bites”. which i suppose is due, in part, to these folks watching the 2005 p&p and seeing keira knightley being all rebellious and tomboyish. and yeah, that movie goes overboard with how bonnet-less and “free” their lizzy is, but this adaptation completely jumps the shark and claims that elizabeth bennet is every 90s quirky rom-com heroine to ever throw a snippy line at the male love interest. WHICH. GRRR. lizzy, though a wonderful heroine, is distinct. she’s not an archetype, she’s distinguishable from other female characters, imo. she’s a separate human being. she also observes conventions and decorum, she is a product of her time. jfc, she’s not gloria steinem. furthermore, canon!darcy would find 90s jaded rom-com heroine quite off-putting, especially the way amanda plays her, all crass and vulgar. darcy would not find a loose mouth refreshing. he’d find it common and frankly boring. there were ppl like amanda in those times, who, while not applying her vocabulary, were inelegant and foolish and no one thought they were adorable.

this isn’t to say they couldn’t have managed to do this well. they could’ve given amanda better characterization, restrained her outbursts and maybe played up the humor, but that’s the problem i keep coming back to. they take themselves so.seriously. amanda is neither particularly fleshed out nor an engaging screwball comedienne, a la lucille ball. she’s flat and crass. and she brings the whole satire down with her.

so whyyy do i say i hate-love Lost in Austen? i mean i rly went to town on the criticism, didn’t i (and i stand by everything i said)? well, it is exactly their failure to be a confident parody that makes this series so hatefully enjoyable. it’s so bad it’s good. now of course, there are some genuine moments i enjoy (there is some good writing here, it’s just soooooo poorly packaged) but for the most part, i adore just how terribly uneven this whole thing is. i laugh even when i’m not supposed to. especially when i’m not supposed to. if you have the curiosity to check them out, the scenes between amanda and darcy are gooold. he literally trembles with emotion and almost cries when amanda confesses to him she’s not a virgin. i shit you not. they have a one-off debate about “buttresses” and it’s supposed to be the height of banter. there’s this uber-dramatic *intense* scene where amanda is like “why are you here??? why did you come???” (they’re at hunsford) and darcy gets this mad glint in his eye like he’s heathcliff on the moor and he grabs her passionately like he’s about to kiss her face off and u see their profiles awkwardly in the firelight and it is HILARIOUS (it’s not meant to be, tho). there are scenes where you’re supposed to be horrified that bingley has succumbed to alcoholism and depression as he wonders around pemberley estate, yearning for jane, and it is uproarious. i literally can’t stop giggling. he PUNCHES darcy in the face! because it’s darcy’s fault he can’t have jane! aaaangst! and lots of laughter.

there are sooo many other great-terrible moments, i would fill up a whole blog and probably never do them justice. u just gotta see it to believe it. in a way i’m grateful that england is kooky enough that it allows shit like this to exist.

 but yeah, i think this is a failed parody-satire, and yet its failure is worth watching? it’s like that documentary about the process of making apocalypse now. idk, i’m not a hater. if you go into it by removing the notion that it is supposed to be connected to p&p, you will derive a lot of joy from it. 

(YUP, this is what i do instead of writing my dissertation)