#kind of proud bc i did this without reference

[kookslastbutton]

hii i hope ur well!! just wanna say i absolutely adore ur writing it's so addictive ahaha <33 here's a request i have, if u don't mind: so basically jin and the reader are in a relationship and jin was pretty confident with the relationship at the start, but he feels like after y/n met the other members they spend more time with each other than jin + y/n, and then one day something happens thats just the last straw for him so his jealousy is now visible + a hot make out sesh if u dont mind lmaoo

End of the Line ༓ KSJ (m)

✑ Summary: Your relationship with Seokjin hits a bumpy path when he notices you've been spending more time with his friends than him. It's an understatement to say your boyfriend has had enough of it.

pairing: seokjin x reader

au/genre: fluff, little bit of angst, some crack, suggestive smut, established relationship, drabble

rating: m, 18+

word count: 1,392

warnings: seokjin is jealous and a bit pompous lol, seokjin just wants oc to pay attention to him again 🥺, reference to super tuna bc I couldn't resist, also yeah some crack at first bc its Seokjin, swearing, light fighting, hot make out session as requested, ass gr*pping, manhandling, feat. jhs, myg, & kth

now playing: super tuna

a/n: This was very fun to write anon! 🤩 tysm for your kind words!! It means so much to me 💗 I really hope you like this ☺

You and Seokjin started out as friends—always accompanying the other to weddings, karaoke nights, nature walks, and even fishing trips. It was when Seokjin caught a super tuna on one of his trips to sea that you were beyond proud of him. You didn't hesitate at all to pull out your phone and take a picture of him with his catch.

Seokjin marks it as the day he knew he couldn't just stay friends with you, so he asked you out. It wasn't every day that he'd meet someone who'd get as excited over super tuna as he did after all.

'This tuna will not be released back into the water!' he promised to himself while smiling at the camera with you behind it.

Ever since that day you and Seokjin have been going out as a couple for three months. At first, the two of you were inseparable. You went on multiple dates a week; three at least.

But that all turned upside down when he took the plunge to introduce you to his inner circle, his main guys. Now whenever he asks about your day or your whereabouts you tell him you're out with Namjoon or hanging out with Jimin.

It couldn't be more obvious that you prefer spending time with his friends over him—your boyfriend. Well, he's World Wide Handsome, so whatever this thing is will end today.

Seokjin stands in front of his full-length bedroom mirror, plain white t-shirt, and classic denim jeans. The front pieces of his hair are pushed to either side of his face to make a clean middle part. "This should get her attention." He takes his phone from his pocket and snaps a mirror selfie. "I look damn good today." He sends the photo to you right after.

Seokjin: Having a good hair day, don't you think? [sent an image]

He eagerly waits for your response which typically only takes a few short minutes. But when the time on his phone jumps ahead twenty minutes without a reply, he just knows something's up.

Jagiya 😘: it's nice ❤😊

"Unbeliveable," he scoffs. "That's all you have to say?" Seokjin nearly glares at the screen as he types out a response.

Seokjin: Where are you? I miss you and want to see you 😞

Jagiya 😘: I'm home bby. We can go out if you want??

Seokjin lights up at this. He hasn't been able to see you all week between work schedules and oh yeah...you hanging out with his friends. The last part has him scowling. He's glad you get along with his buds and all but did you have to get so close to all of them?!

Seokjin: yes, come over as soon as you can! We can see a movie or go for lunch 😀

Jagiya: okay, I'll be there in half an hour.

Mission complete. Seokjin slips his phone back into his pocket and combs his slender fingers through his hair.

"Congratulations bro, your girlfriend's yours again!" He gives himself a pat over the shoulder then heads to the living room to wait for you.

When he hears fists pounding on his door he leaps to open it with a big grin plastered on his face.

"Hey hyung!" Seokjin's grin melts when he sees Hoseok, Yoongi, and Taehyung standing in the hallway outside his apartment. You're in between all of them, touching a little too close in his opinion. Seokjin tosses you a 'what the fuck' look instantly.

"Kook, Joon, and Jimin had other plans so they couldn't make it. The rest of us are free though. What movie are we seeing?" You say, oblivious to your error.

Seokjin doesn't reply but clutches your wrist and pulls you towards him, more aggressively than he meant. He then slams the door before the others can walk in.

"Seokjin! What the hell are you doing?" You shake your wrist from out of his grasp, bewildered by his sudden temperament.

"What am I doing? I'm asking you the same thing! I said I wanted to go out with you today, not the peanut gallery!"

"Hey, fuck you man!" On the other side of the door Yoongi cusses. Seokjin pays no attention to it as he's far too concerned with you.

"I'm sorry Jinnie—" you start, realizing he wanted this is be a date. "I ran into the guys on the way over and invited them because I thought we were just hanging out. The more the merrier..."

Seokjin's eyes widen, the vein in his neck slightly protruding. His eyebrows knit together too. "Hang out? Since when do we just hang out? Are you my girlfriend or not?"

"Of course I am—"

"Then why are you bringing them everywhere you go?! This isn't a polyamorous relationship, you know? We used to go out all the time but now I have to compete with five other men plus Jungkook!"

"Jungkook's a man!" Taehyung's baritone voice pipes.

"Shut up Tae, they're fighting in there," Hoseok shushes. "I really think we should leave. I feel odd standing out here."

"I second that," Yoongi turns to head to the elevator at the end of the hall.

"Oh, oh I think they're calming down now." Taehyung has his ear flushed against the apartment door. "I don't hear anything..."

"Yeah?" Hoseok leans his ear to the door too. Yoong watches them from a few feet away, arms crossed—he will not be one to fall into the door when it opens. "You're right," Hoseok speaks again. "It's dead silent in there."

From inside the apartment, Seokjin stares at you with his hands on his hips. His eyes rake up and down your body with a mix of pissed off and turned on. You look exceptionally stunning today, he observes.

"So this is all because you're jealous that I've been hanging out with your friends?"

"Yes, I'm jealous." Seokjin's hands fly up, further expressing his annoyance. "You're always too busy giggling with Jungkook or clinging onto Namjoon's biceps than going out with me, your boyfriend!"

"You are so exaggerating it. I'm just having some fun with them. And I'm not touching Namjoon's biceps so I don't know where that came from. Unless...." you narrow your eyes at the man. "You think they want to sleep with me don't you?"

"Well, why wouldn't they want you? Have you seen yourself?"

You'd be flattered by the compliment if you weren't already fuming at the fact your boyfriend is being so unbelievably unreasonable. "I can't believe you'd say that about your own friends Seokjin!" you say.

"I've known them longer than you have, so trust me. I know what I'm talking about okay?" Seokjin takes a deep breath. "I'm happy you're all friends. I just want to see you more..."

You sigh and walk up to him, hand reaching out to soothe him. "C'mon...we're just platonic. You know I love you right? I'd never do anything like that and they wouldn't either."

"I know. But fuck, you make me so crazy," he huffs and closes the distance with you. Rough hands press on your waist as he pulls you into himself. His plump lips lean down and kiss you with full force.

You let out a muffled whine and thread your fingers through his soft, fluffy hair. "Seokjin-"

He shuts you up with his tongue that pushes into your mouth, licking every crevice he can find. He gives your ass a little squeeze too, before walking you backward and against the couch.

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" You pant when you're given a breath.

"No," he says, forcing you to sit down on the soft cushions. "I'm still mad because it seems you've forgotten who your boyfriend is around here and need reminding."

"Oh, wait—" you say when he starts climbing on top of you until you have no choice but to lay on your back. "Shouldn't we deal with them first?" You flick your eyes to the door where the guys were still patiently waiting; eavesdropping more like.

Seokjin traces his thumb on the bottom of your lip with a dangerous smirk. "Well, you're the one who brought them here, didn't you? And they came for a movie, no?"

You slap his chest at his antics. "No, absolutely not. Get off me. I'll tell them to beat it myself."

a/n: hoping this was okay? Lmk 💗

Masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[iraprince]

Hello! long time silent fan here 💝

i came across an older post referring to you leaving the Guns Blazing project... i did back that kickstarter, and now im kinda worried about just who i gave my money to :/

are you able to share any details about why you left, or if theres anything i should know about the creators? it's too late for me to not give them money, but id like to know before i recommend the game to anyone

the main issue shared in the post you reference is pretty much it: a prominent ttrpg award was given to an active duty military strategist. a lot of people in the community, myself included, were obviously horrified by this and many spoke up about what kind of grotesque and deeply unjust message this sends about what we're allowing (more than allowing, CELEBRATING????) in the space; bafflingly, a bunch of other people in the community all crowded around to congratulate and asspat and defend and gas up this grinning servant of the imperial american death machine. it was horrifying to see that the dev of guns blazing, which the entire time it was funding had constantly and loudly advertised itself as a "decolonial" and "anti-imperialist" game, was one of the people celebrating his win.

when i confronted the dev one-on-one about this, i was told "the man's a personal friend who's helped me out in the past and helped out other marginalized people in the space." that is not a sufficient excuse for me when the issue is what this man was doing to marginalized people, FOR MONEY, FOR HIS CAREER, outside of the space. (it's murder. what a military strategist does is facilitate murder as needed by the state.) u cannot buy back lives you've destroyed globally by getting other poc jobs in roleplaying games or whatever the fuck.

i couldn't handle this. i'm not going to judge other artists who stayed in — i don't know if everyone even saw, the turmoil over the award was something that from what i saw was mostly contained to twitter and the dev kept his head down about it aside from his initial congratulations. there was a moment before i confronted the dev where honestly i thought to myself "maybe i can just pretend i didn't see it," but i knew in my heart that wasn't true and i wouldn't be able to be proud of myself if i did that. so that's why i pulled out.

my tone is heated here bc obviously this is a really appalling subject — it's the reason my commerical work contracts have a fucking ethics clause in them now, lmao — but at the same time i'm honestly not interested in like, "calling out" the dev over this. he let me leave the project immediately and without any issues, and i haven't kept up with anything he's doing since this incident. maybe he's changed his mind or like, one would hope all of the absolute horror we're constantly submerged in from witnessing the us government's eager support of the genocide in palestine has opened his eyes to No, Agents Of The Military Are Not Our Fucking Friends, Actually. i don't know. i don't care to go looking to find out. my interest is not in saying "i think this dev is a bad person and everyone should be wary of them!!!!", it's just to say "this dev did something that was so shocking to me and so misaligned from my own morals that i had to distance myself immediately." i don't know how far that reflects on anything else he believes or does, i just know it was a dealbreaker for me personally. the story ends there for me, and other people will have to make their own judgements based on what they observe now.

[youremyheaven]

U GUYYYSSS storytime:

So I got talking to a guy a little while ago and we vibed realllyyy well. He's lowkey the textbook definition of everything I'm looking for in a guy. He's 6'2, well to do (not rich but does veryyyy well for himself), BULKY BROAD SHOULDERED, Venusian etc

The synastry of our charts is insane 🥵 He had Mercury atmakaraka (remember my Mercury DK?? 😌)

He has a Venus Moon and stellium and he's the most Venusian guy I've ever met,,, he LOVES beauty, art, the female form etc and appreciates it. The way he spoke about it was so hot to me ngl,,, mf was so poetic,, he really knew how to speak sensually without ever being creepy or vulgar

His Mercury AK was in Purvabhadrapada and he had a puppy like softie Jupiter guy personality. I loved the fact that he looked like a WWE boxer (bulky af 🥵) but had the personality of a golden retriever. LITERALLY ALL MY DREAMS seemed to be coming true.

I knew his birthday but not his rising sign. Yk what they say about "if something's too good to be true, then it is" ??? yeah, i just couldn't brush off the feeling that something wasn't right. But I couldn't straightaway ask for his birth time, esp since he's Hindu and will know what's up 🤭😂 ANYWAAAYYYS we're talking and everything and this man is love bombing me HARD and I know it because:

a) I'm a retired love bomber myself

b) This is not my first rodeo

and anyways this 🧔🏻 is talking marriage and babies, he's calling me wifey 😭 (kinda cringe bc he's known me for dayyys but good lord handsome men can get away with anything 😤) and he refers to himself as "husband" 😭😭😭 like "husband's proud of you" and "your husband doesn't want you to apologise" 😭 (ew but he's hot 👉🏻👈🏻) and I let myself have my delulu moment and try to give him the benefit of the doubt bc literally he checks every box 🥹and he's soooo completely fond of me. We used to run in the same circles like 10yrs ago, even though I had no idea who he was and never interacted with him then, he told me that he remembered me from back then and thought I was cute 🥺 and later I took a looooong break from social media and he told me he'd wondered where I was all those years 🥹🥹and then I apparently showed up in his "suggested for you" on IG a few months ago and he instantly recognised me and followed me etc 🥺🥹 he's been tryna hmu for monthsssss now but I was with my ex 🤡and then I was recovering from my ex 🤧 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When he told me all this, it kinda made me melt 🫠 how he kept trying to talk to me even though I repeatedly ignored him etc

And he did everything right. I could text him rn and he'd reply in 5 seconds. He always asked me how I was, remembered things, always sent me like 20 different messages until I replied, showered me in compliments (Venusian men love to pour you with their attention, it can even be annoying lmfao) etc like there was nothing in his behaviour, his tone or his words that was giving me 🚩 he genuinely seemed sweet, caring etc and he loved babies 😩 and sent me videos with his nieces and nephews (man's was manipulator pro max) but YK ME 🤪 when I have a gut feeling ☝🏻 I can't ignore it 🤓 so I was very much waiting for the ball to drop and watch him fuck up somehow 💀 initially I felt sooo overwhelmed by all his love (bombing) that I felt like the bad guy for not reciprocating it or feeling that kind of "love at first sight" thing 🤡 BUT

one day he said "I can't believe I found you after 10 years, that means no matter where you are after another 10 yrs, I'll find you then as well" and I was like 🤨 I thought you wanted to marry me and make me your trophy wife 🧐 huh 👀 and he was all 😂😍haha yes ofc I'm just joking bbg 😍😂 but I knew there was more to it

Finally I got his birth time AND GUESS WHAT???

He's Hasta Rising 💀💀💀💀

Idk if you know already but I don't like Lunar men 🤡 and the minute I found out, I was SCREAMING bc 😭 why would God play me like that???? Put the most perfect guy, astrologically and otherwise, in front of me, I literally have him wrapped around my pinky and HE'S A LUNAR??? why God why 😭

But him & I had come too far for me to dump his ass for no reason 😬 (can't tell him it's bc the sus vibes I got from him was further bolstered by him being Lunar 🤭) so I was praying to God to give me an opportunity where he fucks up so that I can walk away 🚶🏻‍♀️from this situation before things get out of hand

AND GOD DELIVERED 😩

I was texting him the other day and he spoke about how he wants to spend as much time with me as he can before we go out to chase our dreams (move away from this city basically) and I was like 🤨so you're looking for a short term relationship?? And he was like 🥺 no never and I was like why tf would you say you want to marry me and have babies (1 boy and twin daughters 😭🤡💀) if you already know you cannot commit???? And he was like "because we could meet again in a few years and it would be nice to have this plan ready" 💀💀💀💀 HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT AKSKKSJSJDIID brother thinks my IQ is in the negatives bc WTF sort of explanation is that 😭 and i told him "this manipulation might work elsewhere but not on me, good luck tho, bye, I'm done here 💅🏻" and he went 180 and said "I'm so sorry, I was just trying to be funny, please give me another chance, all I meant is that we never know how things go so we can try to work things out but there's no guarantee, please I'm so sorry" 😂😂 and he called me like 3 times and finally said "Can we atleast still be friends? i can't lose you like this" AJSJJSJSJ THE AUDACITY 🤡💀🤡💀

but I just want to say thank you God for showing me his true colours and for giving me the opportunity to exit with grace and dignity and making him feel like a fool 😌✨

[oldiesstationlover11607]

heyyyy 😋😋

as promised, i am back with a new halloween idea since the last one was SO STINKIN CUTEEEE

so im thinking RAB tyler x reader at a halloween party! like stereotypical-college halloween-frat-party type scene. (maybe reader and tyler coincidentally showed up in matching costumes lol)

tyler and reader arrived separately, but they both go to Ohio State Uni and have some classes together, so they've seen each other around. which is why they're immediately taking refuge in each other's company the wholee time. theyve both been abandoned by the friends that dragged them to that god forsaken party in the first place, and neither of them are drinking or smoking or anything, and the music sucks.

flirty banter ensuesss

and i know youve been experimenting with smut, SO i'll let you take the reins on this one a bit more.

either tyler and reader forget to leave room for jesus during the party and decide to take refuge in a bedroom together (smirk)

orrr tyler shows reader his music and they go back to his studio together for a cutesy, fluffy, musical bonding moment

can't wait to see how it comes out!!!

take care of yourself!! 🫶🏼

🕸🕸🕸🕸

Ghostbuster - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: None lol - no smut bc i wanted to keep it cute

Word Count: 2019

A/N: I literally cannot wait for this vampire fic i've got planned and this was a great warm up! keep requesting halloween stuff before it's too late!!

It was one of those chaotic nights at Ohio State in October, Halloween parties scattered across campus. But somehow, I found myself at one of the bigger and louder parties–something high school senior me would never have imagined. It was the kind of party where I’d expected to be hanging out with my friends and having a good time. But no one told me that my so-called friends would ditch me the moment they saw a dance floor crowded with zombies and vampires–though I wasn’t too surprised, vampires were the best dancers. 

I stood at the edge of the main room, arms crossed, trying not to visibly cringe at the music blaring old viral hits. The bass rattled my bones, a thudding pulse that did nothing to improve my mood. My favorite holiday was turning out to be a bust despite the amazing modern queen of hearts rocker costume I’d thrown together. I was so proud of it but none of my friends understood the reference.

I was mentally debating whether I could sneak out without anyone noticing when I spotted him. Tyler. I’d seen him around campus and in a couple of my english classes despite campus being big. He was quiet, didn’t talk much, but there was something about him that always intrigued me. Maybe it was the fact that he was always scribbling in that notebook of his, or the way he seemed to get lost in thought even when the professor was droning on about literary theory. He was standing awkwardly by a wall across the room, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt. He was dressed as a Ghostbuster, of all things, and somehow the outfit looked just right on him—oversized jumpsuit, clunky proton pack, and a slightly bewildered expression like he’d rather be anywhere else. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Tyler, in his quiet, introverted glory, standing amidst the chaos of a college Halloween party, looked almost comically out of place.

I hesitated, debating whether I should go talk to him. We’d only ever exchanged a few words in class, the typical “do you have the notes?” or “what did you think of that reading?” kind of conversations. But something in me felt drawn to him tonight, maybe because I knew exactly how he felt—trapped in a place where we didn’t belong, surrounded by people who didn’t really see us.

Before I could second-guess myself, I started making my way over, weaving through a mess of slutty witches. When I reached him, he looked up, his brown eyes wide with mild surprise.

“Hey,” I said, trying not to sound as awkward as I felt. “Busting ghosts solo tonight?”

His lips twitched into a small smile. “Yeah, you know, it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.”

I laughed, the sound bright and unexpected, even to me. “Well, you���re doing a great job standing guard by this wall. Any ghost sightings yet?”

“Not yet,” he said, leaning back slightly as if relaxing in my presence. “But I’m staying vigilant.”

“Good call.” I tilted my head, giving him an exaggerated once-over. “Love the costume, by the way. You went all out.”

He looked down at himself, shrugging with a bashful smile. “It was either this or going as a sad college student who got dragged to a party he didn’t want to go to .”

I chuckled. “That’s a little too real. Ghostbuster is a better choice.”

“And you’re the, uh, Queen of Hearts?” he asked, his gaze drifting over my costume. “But... cooler. More punk.”

“Exactly!” I said, a grin spreading across my face. “You’re the first person to get that all night.”

He smirked, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have an appreciation for good costumes. And you definitely pull it off.”

“Thanks.” We stood there for a second, just smiling at each other, the noise of the party fading into the background. It felt... easy, natural, even though we barely knew each other. And then a thought struck me, and I couldn’t help but blurt it out.

“Hey, this is going to sound crazy, but... want to get out of here?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Like... leave?”

“Yeah.” I gestured around at the rowdy crowd and pulsing lights. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly having the time of my life here. We could— I don’t know, grab a coffee or just go for a walk. Somewhere quieter?”

Tyler hesitated, glancing around as if weighing his options. Then he looked back at me, something softening in his gaze. “You know what? Yeah. Let’s do it.”

A few minutes later, we were outside, the crisp autumn air biting at our skin as we stepped away from the thumping bass of the party. The street was lined with other groups of costumed students milling about, some shouting and laughing, others huddled together in quieter conversations. But for the first time all night, I felt like I could breathe.

Tyler walked beside me, hands shoved into his pockets, the plastic proton pack bouncing lightly against his back. We didn’t say much at first, just strolled aimlessly through the leaf-covered streets, the noise of the party fading behind us. After a few blocks, we found ourselves at a small park tucked away between campus buildings, its winding paths lit by dim streetlights and the faint glow of jack-o’-lanterns set out along the walkway.

“Wow, this place is cute,” I murmured, taking in the rows of glowing pumpkins and the few scattered benches. “Never knew it was here.”

“Me neither,” Tyler said softly, his gaze sweeping over the scene. “I guess we’re both discovering new things tonight.”

We wandered over to a bench near the center, where a particularly intricate pumpkin carving of a haunted house flickered softly. Tyler glanced at it, then looked at me, a curious smile on his lips.

“So, what made you pick the Queen of Hearts? You don’t seem like the ‘off with their heads’ type.”

I laughed, sitting down on the bench and crossing my legs. “It’s more about the aesthetic. I wanted something bold, something that stood out, but with a twist. Plus, I had to wear a crown at some point in my life, right?”

“Right.” He nodded seriously, but his eyes were sparkling with humor. “And you look good in one.”

“Thank you,” I said, tipping my imaginary crown at him. “Now, what about you Mr Buster? I mean, besides the obvious ‘saving the world’ angle.”

He shrugged, settling beside me on the bench. “I like old movies. The classics. Ghostbusters just felt... I don’t know, nostalgic? Plus, I already had the jumpsuit from last year.”

“Recycling costumes?” I teased. “I’m not sure if that’s very ‘heroic’ of you.”

“Heroes have to be practical, too.” He grinned, then looked down at his hands, which were resting on his knees. “Honestly, I just didn’t want to be something flashy. I’m not really a... center-of-attention kind of guy.”

I nodded slowly, understanding more than I expected to. “No, I get that. But still, you came out tonight. That’s more than a lot of people would do.”

“Yeah, well.” He looked up at me, his expression thoughtful. “Maybe it wasn’t a total waste.”

The way he said it, so quietly, made my heart skip a beat. I swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous in a way I hadn’t been before. This was more than just two classmates killing time together. There was something here, something I wanted to explore, even if it scared me a little.

“So, what do you usually do, if not parties?” I asked, shifting the conversation slightly to steady myself.

Tyler leaned back, his gaze turning distant for a moment. “I, uh... I spend a lot of time making music. Writing songs, recording. It’s kind of my escape, I guess.”

I perked up, curiosity sparking. “Really? That’s awesome. I always wondered what you were scribbling in that notebook during class.”

He smiled, a little sheepishly. “Yeah, it’s mostly lyrics. Stuff I don’t really show people.”

“Can I hear some of it?” The question slipped out before I could stop it, but I didn’t want to take it back.

Tyler looked at me, eyes wide, then glanced away, biting his lip. “Maybe. I mean, if you want to. My studio’s not far from here.”

My heart jumped. Studio? “You have a studio?”

“More like a basement with some equipment,” he said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “But... yeah. I could show you, if you’re interested.”

I didn’t even hesitate. “I’d love that.”

The “studio” turned out to be in the basement of an off-campus house Tyler shared with a couple of other music majors. The room was small but packed with gear—guitars leaning against the walls, a keyboard set up in one corner, and a laptop surrounded by mics and cables on a desk covered in sheets of scribbled lyrics. It smelled faintly of old books and coffee, and it was a little messy, but it was cozy, too. I could see pieces of Tyler in every corner.

“Sorry, it’s kind of... chaotic,” he said, glancing around with an embarrassed smile.

“I like it,” I said honestly, stepping further inside and taking it all in. “Feels... lived in.”

Tyler relaxed a little, moving over to his computer and opening up a file. The sound filled the small space like magic. Then he glanced up at me, his expression shy but open.

“Mind you this is super rough, and I–”

“It’s good,” I interrupted and he nodded, smiling to himself. 

His voice, soft and warm, filled the room, and the melody wrapped around me like magic. The song was raw, beautiful, and filled with a mix of longing and hope. As he sang, I felt like I was seeing a side of him that no one else had—the real Tyler, not the quiet guy from class.

When the last note faded into the air, I just stared at him, completely speechless.

“That was incredible,” I finally managed, my voice full of awe.

He ducked his head, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure if you’d like it.”

“I did. I definitely did.”

He looked up at me, a small, genuine smile tugging at his lips. For a moment, we just sat there, grinning at each other. Then, the room fell into a comfortable silence, the kind that didn’t need filling with words. It felt... nice.

Tyler scratched the back of his neck, glancing at me shyly. “So, um... I know it’s getting kind of late, but... if you don’t want to go back yet, you could stay a bit longer? We could, like, listen to more music or just... hang out?” He hesitated for a beat, then added, “I think it’d be cool to get to know you better.”

My heart did a little flip at the invitation. “I'd love to.”

His smile widened, and then, as if realizing something, he fumbled in his pocket. “Uh, here—let me give you my number, you know, in case... well, you don’t have to leave right away or anything, but just in case.”

I grinned as we exchanged numbers, the moment feeling so sweet and simple, like it was the beginning of something special. I added him on social media too, our phones pinging softly as the connections were made.

As we settled back in, the music softly playing in the background, Tyler glanced over at me, his voice soft. “So... you want to stay the night? I mean, not in a weird way—just, we can keep listening to music and hanging out. No pressure, but... I think it'd be fun.”

My heart warmed at the offer, and I nodded, smiling at him. “Yeah, that sounds perfect.”

And just like that, what had started as a chaotic, disappointing night turned into one I knew I’d remember forever. Sitting there with Tyler, in his cozy makeshift studio, with the soft hum of music around us, I felt like I’d stumbled into something unexpected and wonderful. And I didn’t want it to end anytime soon.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[thegeminisage]

okay it's star trek update time. saturday we watched voy's "demon" and "one" and last night we did voy's "hope and fear" and ds9's "tears of the prophets."

demon (voy):

this one was so fun. i kept yelling THE GOOP IS ODO and it wasn't ofc but it was fun to imagine

a y class planet...i feel like we only ever see m class...this was very exciting

always exciting when they break out the space suits too

the ship landing is so silly and ridiculous. only slightly less ridiculous than the saucer splitting from tng

for a few minutes there i thought we were gonna have the tom paris/harry kim version of 2.25 resolutions. like because they could only breathe the planet's air. really really really funny

i love that the solution was to just let them clone everybody. imagine after voyager leaves and you can choose any crewman and all the little slimes want tuvok so you just have a bunch of tuvok slimes running around. 10/10

one (voy):

MY GIRL SEVEN....................

this one was soooososososo good

first of all, wtf at chakotay like talking to janeway about her bond with seven...that was gay as hell

i loved also she and the doctor eventually getting tired of each other. their scenes are so funny because they're both really autistic but in different directions

i love also when she gets put through the fire and succeeds...there is nothing she can't do. she really ran that whole ship on her own WHILE HALUCINATING i'm so proud of her

how clever to kind of leave it up in the air whether or not that guy was real, also. i went back and forth on it a few times and finally landed on not real only second before the reveal

her dream about being alone in the snowy tundra...damn. she like hates other people but also hates being alone. what a way to be

hope and fear (voy):

i had to physically pause this one multiple times to collect myself re: janeway/seven

the holodeck game. the argument where they both hit below the belt. the bit in the brig where they reference the first thing that happened in the brig and janeway had to touch seven's little eye thingy in the soft mood lighting wwwwow

i think the ethical dilemma here was a little silly though. like, my guy, you were banking on the ruthless guys who were stronger than the borg and also wanted to eat everyone else for lunch on helping YOU? like everybody say thanks janeway for getting rid of something even worse than the borg! not fuck you janeway for not letting the borg get killed by them

idk. i don't see that she did anything too awful. she sent them back home and saved them from the borg and saved the borg from them and then also got her people thru borg space AND got a gf out of it. leave her alone

i did like all the stuff about intuition vs borg knowledge though...janeway and her intuition remind me of kirk, but janeway and seven both fighting in the brig and then making up in the brig (complete with the touching) is very spones bread and circuses of them.

tears of the prophets (ds9):

man, sorry to say this, but...this script sucked bad. i dont think avery brooks is capable of phoning it in but we probability saw him get pretty close here. that final monologue, which should have ben about dax and was instead about the prophets, was poorly written

and dax's last words being about a baby - come on.

and kira and odo's argument - he is not so stupid he would do this without expecting her to be mad

and the scene between dukat and damar...where was the tension?? crazy dukat great but he's been better

even the thing with quark and bashir moping around in the holodeck because of dax was bad on paper

like, all of these things were saved (well, some of them were saved) by admirable performances from a charming and talented cast, but whew! like, julian looked so sad this became funny. kira and odo kissing to make up was so charming i forgave the premise

but dax's death was a bad death and her final arc being about a FUCKING baby was really sexist. sisko leaving not sure if he is coming back bc of some prophet thing right when bajor needs him most seems ooc. and his monologue to dax not being ABOUT. DAX. was a crime. poor terry farrell.

overall s6 has been great so far aside from a couple of bumps but man did it end on a sour note. i have heard season 7 is divisive so i guess we will see!!

TONIGHT: ds9's "image in the sand" and "shadows and symbols."

[frontierpodiatrist]

clavell character analysis

y’know, while i do like clavell, i think a lot of people sort of underestimate his nuance as a character

while yes, his primary trait is being sort of disarmingly naive or seemingly ignorant of things going on, and just being a bit sillay, and he Does care about his students—i see SO much found family art of him and arven, without like...anyone acknowledging that he’s kind of...not great to him actually? in post-game immediately after turo/sada’s death, he just kind of is like “well you still need credits to graduate sorryyyy” and then says, in essence, he’s proud of everyone and “they all have a role to play”...except for arven, who specifically calls him out on it, and then when arven asks if his role’s obvious, the scene just ends

i’ve also seen mention of him looking away when he says to arven he’s sorry for their loss, and i saw someone mention it’s bc he’s about to cry, but personally, i interpret it more as guilt

what i find most interesting is how much of a role he takes w team star, really stepping up to the plate to help them, and yes i do believe he genuinely wants to help and love his students, just that his relationship with arven (due to his relationship with his parents) is a bit...complicated. but my personal feeling is that while he did also want to help team star bc they needed it, he also already felt guilt for unintentionally ignoring arven, and couldn’t withstand not taking action a second time. in a way, he probably wanted to atone and help other students where he failed to help arven

the way he fondly speaks of sada/turo, and how he refers to them as a dear friend, and how he even conformed their old lab space into his own, it definitely reads as “beyond friendship” and more into a romantic leaning, as a lot of ppl hc, but more importantly BECAUSE of this. because he was blinded by rose tinted glasses, and could only ever really see the good in them/his own relationship to them—that he really just...did not notice what was happening with arven, and not purposefully ignored his own plights, much like the old school did with team star

as what’s seemingly established in the game, arven doesn’t really have an already established relationship with clavell like nemona does, or at least not one that’s said, so to me it seems as if they’re no closer than any other characters. i think a more interesting take on it is that clavell was never able to see the damage being done to arven bc he was so caught up in his own longing for the professor, that by the time he noticed anything was up when arven was much older and acting up/being a delinquent by skipping school and stuff like that (which is when he took up the director position), it was almost too late to intervene

there’s also the fact that based on his dialogue at the beginning he knows they were building a time machine and despite this, never took legal action or anything grand to stop them instead just choosing to...walk away, which i think says a lot about his character, and how they were a sort of weak point of is

that being said, i think found family with him and arven is cute, i just think there’s a lot of unresolved emotional turmoil b/w the two of them by the end of the game that i’ve not really seen anyone talk about but that’s just my two cents ✌️ 😌

them talking in postgame IS interesting, i mean arven doesn’t really have anybody else he can ask about them, but it’s notable also how whenever arven says something like “ig building a time machine is more important than taking care of a child” or “i never bothered to know them” (even though they were neglectful) clavell never goes out of his way to correct him. and i feel as if he would, were it anybody else’s child

to clavell, they WERE special and they still are. he isn’t purposefully alienating arven by speaking about them in such a fond way, but he’s still doing it nevertheless. you can fail with one child (arven) and still succeed with others (penny and the rest of team star) and really i'm sympathetic for him that would be an insane situation to be in

[dirtanddistance]

Squamish50 Race Recap: Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

"Won't make my mama proud, it's gonna cause a scene // she sees her baby girl, I know she's gonna scream // GOOOOOOOODDDDD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! You're a Coast Mountain girl, and you run in the woods // oh mama, IIIIIIIIII'M JUST HAVIN' FUN, on the trail in my vest, it's where I belong, down on these // COAST MOUNTAIN TRAILS, I'm gonna keep on running on these COAST MOUNTAIN TRAILS, I'm gonna keep on running out in WEST CANADA, I'm gonna keep on running on these coast mountain trails, coast mountain trails"

Phew. Now that that's out of my system...

When I was growing up, the concept of 'peer pressure' never made much sense to me. I was not intrinsically tempted by drugs, or alcohol, or skipping class, or the social points that might have been gained by participating in such shenanigans. Outside of what that might say about me as a person, it led to an interesting revelation as I got older: my so-called peers back then just weren't doing anything interesting enough to make me feel compelled to join. All of this changed the moment I encountered my first overnight relay race in college. I was sold. Things would only escalate from there. My mama was not proud. There were actual fights over these endeavours. It culminated in me running my first ultra before I even had a bachelor's degree, setting my life in a direction no one predicts for their child.

It would come as no surprise to find me signed up for a 50 mile race eight years later in an entirely different country, if you had much of a background on ultrarunning. And after watching the 'vlog clip' my husband so charitably took of me at the finish line vowing that I would never do such a thing again, a seasoned member of the ultra community would have laughed and said 'see you next year'. Which is where our story begins, one year after the infamous 'never again' caught on film.

I did not feel an aching desire to run farther than 50 miles again, or even to do that particular event again. I had achieved my Gary Robbins hug and shiny medal, I had proven whatever it was that I needed to prove (see, dad? Not all ultras are just 'a few more miles than a marathon' AND I'm alive to prove it!). Cue, peer pressure. I wrote a silly little race report talking about how much I cried and a few of my friends read it and talked about it and were like 'that sounds great I'm in'. And if there's one thing I can't abide, it's my friends and peers going on an endurance adventure without me. A whopping three or four months had passed by the time it was sign-up day so there I was at 7am on a Friday before work on Run SignUp and the group WhatsApp open as we all digitally shared the high of registration day and collectively ignored the implications of signing up for a 50 mile race.

Fast forward to last weekend and we're all at the starting line hemming and hawing about how we didn't sleep so well last night, and we're scared, and 'just gonna go out there and have a good time'. My little brother was texting me, because unlike here in BC it was a godly hour of the day in Florida and he was at the ready to remind me that he had gone to a T-Pain concert the night before, and that T-Pain is a resource in times of need (?). This is salient because one time in high school, my cross country coach told us to do a particular warm of exercise with the kind of energy and enthusiasm we would have if we were rushing the stage at a T-Pain concert, so referring to Tallahassee Pain when I am going for a run will always resonate. Yes. The T stands for Tallahassee. Not Tylenol extra strength, which may also resonate during long runs. Anyway, I put all my worries away in a mansion somewhere in Wiscansin, we snapped a start line selfie, and off we went into the brief dark.

The first couple of miles slipped away as I kept up with a few much faster compatriots. I got Travis talking about his upcoming trip to Japan, which is a subject I can listen to/speak about endlessly. Alas, being the personality hire of the run group meant that I would fade to the back fairly early, and eventually we reached the first climb of the day, DeBeck's hill. This was where I broke last time. I was crying. This isn't even to the second aid station. Full blown tears, panic attack. I was determined not to break this year. I made everyone I knew very aware of my goal for this year: do not cry before aid station two. I'm very happy to announce I did achieve this goal, but was almost brought to ruin on the Midlife Crisis trail as I discovered TRAIL LORE. Trail lore is in fact the best part of not being a complete hermit during your race, which was my other, unspoken goal of the race - interact with fellow runners enough to become emotionally invested in the outcome of at least two other participants beyond just 'wow I hope everyone has a nice day'. The fellow behind me as I was hot stepping from rock to rock about to throw up and/or throw myself down the hill goes 'don't rush! I'm not trying to pressure you! Don't fall, my friend built this trail and he wouldn't want you to fall!' Right there we almost got the first cry of the day. Not because I was panicking or sad but because THAT WAS SUCH A NICE THING TO TELL ME! PEOPLE ARE LOVELY! I was then provided the added details that this friend designed that particular singletrack run when he turned 50 to prove he could still do hard things. Which, if true, is way more wholesome than my interpretation of the name Midlife Crisis, which was that the trail is so stressful that 31 is going to be my midlife with the years this trail is taking off my life span.

I rolled into aid station 2 at Alice Lake without a tear having been shed, and ready to hit the bathroom. I ran into a fellow trail homie from the run club at the bathroom line (so, like a regular club? Very brat.) and rolled on. I thought briefly 'wow, I wish my husband hadn't had a combination migraine-food-poisoning-slash-general-itis and thrown up last night making it very unlikely that he'd make it to the first crew aid station in time' but mostly I was proud of myself for not crying and it was time to carry on to my previously favorite section of the race.

Corners is the best trail ever because it's pretty and flowy and there are wildflowers everywhere and fun signs that say that you might get zapped by the powerlines overhead. It's also where the professional race photographer hides out and catches you when you're running at a decent clip with a pretty background. I was so confident going into these parts. Then I watched the gal ahead of me almost eat some dirt. Not too bad, she recovered quick. Couldn't be me. Except a few minutes later it was me, fully supermanned out on the ground, covered in the gritty sandy stuff and bleeding. I hopped back up and kept moving, knowing that sitting around evaluating myself would probably just make it all hurt more. Blood streamed down my leg, but it seemed nothing particularly important was hurting as I resumed my journey. Ah well, I thought, maybe this will just make my race pictures look more badass. Another familiar face caught up to me, which was quite a surprise because I do not have any idea how anyone I knew could possibly be behind me at this point in the race. It was nice to have someone to whine about my fall to, and who also admitted to having taken a little tumble himself. We rolled into Aid Station 3, and I declined having anything done about my bloody leg because, well, what was there to do? Fall on the ground or not, everyone is coated in layer upon layer of dust and sweat out here anyway. We trekked on to the little loop that would eventually lead back to AS 3 and slowly parted ways as I kept a conservative pace. Then it hit me - the ground again. This time, not only was the knee bleeding again but I got my left hand pretty good, with blood streaming across it from a few difficult to evaluate spots. At this point I was big sad. I let myself cry a little. My finger HURT where it was cut. I gimped along feeling sorry for myself until my brain generated the thought 'you're having an Eren Jaeger moment' while looking at the blood streak across my palm. I had the power of God AND anime on my side now. I dragged my sad little self back to the aid station when miracle of all miracles occurred. There was a familiar face with a volunteer vest on on. I don't think I'd ever been so happy to see someone in my life. Before I could say anything, I was pushed into a camping chair and another volunteer was swiping away at the blood and dirt with a paper towel and some saline spray. Not exactly how I would do it, but hey. It became obvious that while gnarly, these injuries were probably not life threatening and I was probably gonna make it. After a little bit of whinging and snacking and the affirmation of 'see you at the finish line' (this will come in handy later), I wandered back into the woods for the trek up Galactic.

Galactic is, like, the most fabled section of this race. If you look at any race report, or even the race description itself, this is described as kind of a piece de resistance. It's a hella long incline is all it is. You're in the woods, walking upwards, for longer than you would like to be. It's just inclined enough that an amateur like myself does absolutely zero running for like, half an hour straight. It's a drag. It's also not particularly 'hard' in the sense of being technical, or super steep. Last year, this was an unremarkable section of trail for me. I was feeling pretty okay having conquered last year's Most Wanted incline on DeBeck's and thought nothing of the trudge up the hill. And then my subconscious came out to play. Covered in blood and dirt and with like, half the race or more to go, the 'why are you doing this' crept in. Now, I also faced down this question last year, starting like 15k into the race, so not having to wrestle with it until several aid stations in is actually a good thing. However, I was out there with my little vest and my little philosophy minor degree ready to Conquer The Question of Purpose in Ultramarathoning, and the answers were not looking good for me. I was deconstructing with every footstep forward. Is there intrinsic value in pain? And if there is, what is it? Why am I out here alone? Time doesn't exist and I have no concept that it has probably been less than an hour since I spoke to a friend and would probably either find more friends or make more friends as the day wears on. I am alone in this forest, and I am going to cry about it. Like, ugly cry. Sobbing, gasping, this-character-is-being-hella-overacted crying. I want to quit RIGHT NOW. But I told Tam I'd see her at the finish line. And like, it'd look kinda lame if I DNF this for no good reason besides getting too sad. At this point, I determine that it's probably time to Eat Something, so I pull out the super dense gel sugary thing I picked up at the aid station to avoid eating my own carefully curated snacks. And what would you know, approximately 5 minutes after consuming 200 calories of pure maple syrup with added salt, the world suddenly seemed less bleak and finishing this race seemed like a less awful proposition. My new attitude and I finally rocked up to aid station 4.

Aid station 4 was uneventful until we heard over the radio 'first female has cleared Smoke Bluffs'. Oof. The aid station volunteers graciously reminded those of us who had just been confronted with our weak paces that those who are finishing now did not get to spend time having snacks at the aid station. I took off, and found myself chatting with a fellow from Squamish. It was his first ultra, with an eerily similar story to my decision to run this race the year before - the 50k sold out too fast and thought, 'eh, how bad could 50 miles be?'. Officially invested in my unknown friend's fate now, we eventually rolled up to Aid Station 5, which I refer to as the family tailgate aid station. At first, I looked about helplessly for my husband without the faintest clue whether or not he'd even gotten out of the house. I wandered over to the medical tent where the nice medic scraped the hell out of my knee using alcohol swabs. Honestly, this might have been the worst part of the whole day if not for what was in store between aid stations 5 and 6. Finally I caught site of my spouse and parked myself in the grass to eat a sandwich and whine some more while he recorded it as a 'vlog' to share with everyone else I know. He had in fact remembered to bring the Scandinavian Swimmers I had emphatically requested the day before, but I ended up forgetting about them moments after he told me he had them. I considered letting them squeeze the cold water sponges on me before I headed out, but thought better of it when I contemplated the water cleanliness and the oozing scrape that we decided against bandaging for the sole reason that no bandage was going to adhere to me at this point in the day.

I rolled out of the aid station around the same time as my new friend, and we continued on our little trek. At this point, my right knee was starting to do The Thing. Previously, only my left knee had been known to do The Thing. It's a sharp sharp pain on the outside, near the knee cap when I land on that side. Sharp enough to make you not want to land too hard because that leg might buckle from the pain. It wasn't so bad, and only every few steps, so I got by just fine walking more than I wanted. Until I didn't, and it hurt with every downhill step I was taking and I started crying again because THIS TRULY SUCKS. I didn't even do anything to that leg! I did not bring this upon myself except by maybe having been born with kinda messed up legs that turn inward instead of straight ahead but I DID NOTHING WRONG! I will add at this point, this section of the run (despite being reassured that all distances are as marked and completely correct) at least FEELS exceptionally long compared to how it's advertised. You think you're almost to AS 6 for a VERY long time. As I cried about the unfairness of life, I remembered I had put every kind of OTC medication one might even think about needing in my vest, so I popped a couple of ibuprofen and grumpily walked on. For some reason, despite being an entire doctor, I never believe that ibuprofen could fix MY problem. It is a solution for someone else. Fortunately for me, ibuprofen doesn't care about my skepticism and went to work, rendering my knee functional and capable of being run upon and allowing it to carry me to Aid Station 6.

Aid Station 6 is kind of a letdown. Not because it's not fully stocked and staffed by fantastic volunteers - it absolutely is. Every aid station is a 10/10. It's just wedged between two very exciting aid stations where you get your crew and there is generally a lot of activity and cheering. However, a familiar face again saved the day when I realized the ice water bucket manager was in fact another run club friend. This friend in particular I had pressured into running the Valley Vertikiller as a fairly new trail runner. I was not, in my current state, doing a great job of selling the idea that trail running is a fun and safe activity, but his enthusiasm and selfie taking renewed my spirits and made me believe that I could make it to the next aid station, which would in turn mean that I could make it to the finish line.

It was at this aid station that I started to chat with a couple of ladies; the conversation with an aid station attendant about the insanity of doing this race multiple times had come up, so naturally I was prepared to contribute to this conversation and inform them that I was, in fact, completely unhinged. As we rolled back into the woods, these ladies were talking in miles which was my second cue to start talking, because where there are miles there are, typically, fellow Americans. These lasses were from Colorado; when I mentioned I was originally from Florida but had moved out to BC, they, without skipping a beat, went, 'wow so a total upgrade'. Ahhhh, to be amongst my kind of people. This was not their first 50 miler, and had come all the way out here to run it. I passed my original compatriot somewhere during this phase, which flew by in good company as I pulled ahead and in to aid station 7. Aid station 7 has you run across a bridge and going downhill for a bit. I saw a few folks standing before the aid station on the sideline; I assumed it was just course marshals or someone taking down bib numbers for checkin. I spotted my husband with his Real Camera, and as my brain slowly processed the blonde girl cheering for me by name (as an Experienced Runner, I am now conscious of when I have my name printed on my race tag and no longer become completely frozen in horror when I hear my name called by enthusiastic strangers) as not just a random volunteer with a lot of energy, but my BC Bestie Elise! And then as I got to the aid station proper, I realized that I was in the presence of my husband, BC Bestie, AND my Aid Station 3 trail angel friend! As disoriented and overstimulated as I was by this, it was honestly magical, I almost cried, and I reluctantly accepted/delivered the most disgusting hugs I've ever been a part of. I was truly ready to tackle the final 8 miles now.

The last section of the race includes an additional unpleasant climb that kinda never ends, but did include an exceptional sunset. As much as it meant knowing I'd be rocking up to the finish line in the dark, the striking purple and orange on the horizon as I crested the false peak on my way up Mountain of Phlegm was first class. As we finally neared the stairs, I chatted with a woman who was here from Alberta to do the 50/50 (for those of you fortunate enough to not know what that is, it means running the 50 mile race on Saturday followed by the 50k race on Sunday). It rained just a little bit, and I wished her good traction and tacky surfaces for Sunday (and warned that if it rained too much that slippery might be a concern to monitor). When we reached the stairs, the course marshal eagerly assured us that we were done with the stairs! Which was quickly disproven upon reaching several smaller flights of stairs... sigh. After this betrayal, we eventually made our way out of Smoke Bluffs to the sight of a disco ball and Von Dutch blasting on a bluetooth speaker in the parking lot. Fortified by the power of brat summer imbued in that melody I took off onto the pavement princess section of the race. Several very, very enthusiastic high-five soliciting children ambushed me with their excitement and encouragement as I ran past the hostel I was staying at, onto the final stretch of road.

You might be thinking to yourself at this point, wow, she's run 50+ miles in the woods without encountering a single bear! What luck! And you'd be right, except then I encountered a bear. On the street. Walking down the opposite side of the road. This is an inconvenience, and I suppose I should have exercised better bear manners. I gave it the little bit of 'hey bear!' I could summon and basically hoped it would continue on its way down the street because nothing was going to delay me from reaching this finish line right now, not even this unbothered black bear. Fortunately, he or she seemed utterly unmoved by my antics and continued on down the street as though they were also a taxpaying member of the community and I barreled down the street and into the finish chute where I was immediately granted my second Squamish50 Gary Robbins hug and the attention of many friends who had to witness my (again) overstimulated and disoriented presence. After a finish line group photo, it was time to start recombobulating, relaying stories to Toby and Elise, and drinking an orange juice juice box like any good Floridian would.

While I haven't quite sorted out my running purpose deconstruction, being reminded that I was the reason someone else signed up for something challenging or ridiculous seems like a good enough proxy for now. I hopped on the results page as soon as it was up to ensure my Squamish and Colorado friends also made it across the finish line (yes, they did!). I only made it four days before I was talking about signing up for my next ultra (not alone... not ready to do that again), which may be a new record turnaround time.

I cannot sign off without reiterating how absolutely blessed and lucky and fortunate I felt to have so many familiar, happy faces out there on the course last Saturday. From my other pals running the race that I felt I couldn't be the only DNF of the crew, to the volunteers and friends that came out to cheer me on and my ever-attentive forever race crew member Toby, this race reminded me that no matter if you're racing or just out for a run, going fast or taking it easy, the real magic of running is the folks you meet along the way. Without this sport, I honestly don't think I would have had some of the most important relationships and experiences I've had in my life.

Tune in next time for my musings about my mid-race existential crisis and the ever elusive 'why do I run?'!

[mambalae-s]

hi hi mamba, i want to start this off with a congrats and a thank you so much for putting in the work and the energy to do this event. i really appreciate it so much and i'm so so proud of you. you're doing wonderful, darling !

for your event, i actually can't decide myself so i'm going to give you the choice to pick for me between toji and satoru from jjk - (i really really hope you're not indecisive and are able to work well under pressure ! but you can let me know if you need me to choose one);

this might need a bit of a trigger warning, but something i'm still learning to love about myself is my weight and my body. i kinda struggle with my eating habits a little bit sometimes and i won't go into detail but it's something that i'm working on :)

as far as my personality goes, i would describe myself as someone who speaks her mind and usually doesn't hold back from doing so (mostly bc i think honesty is the best policy in any kind of relationship). and um this might be kind of contradicting, but at the same time i also isolate myself from loved ones when i'm feeling down or pressured and keep everything to myself bc i don't like arguing/conflict. my friends describe me as having a sarcastic sense of humour and say that i roll my eyes a lot but they also think i'm very very sweet because i flirt with them often just for fun hehe. i'm mostly an introvert because i need to have my alone time but when i'm feeling charged then i'm able to make friends very very quickly. and my dad says it's because i'm empathetic and always know what to say when it comes to ppl hehe. (ahh this is getting too long... i just love talking about myself. i'll try wrapping it up quickly!) some other things you should know about me: i'm a hopeless romantic, don't like horror, am a total daydreamer, i write romance, fanfiction, and poetry, pink is my favourite colour, i'm a lipgloss/lipstick addict (and collect them for fun even when i don't need them), spring is my favourite season, my love language is physical touch, i'm an infp, and if it's important for the moodboard i'm south asian!

let's keep this sfw for ease, so i'll end it by describing my dream date with both men. you can then choose which one you'll do!

1. i know satoru's really really tall, but i just picture toji being taller and bigger in my head so i have this headcanon that i'm like half his size (for reference, i'm 5'3-ish) and in my head we are just grumpy x sunshine couple all the way. dream date with toji would be us going to the amusement park (my fav place on earth) and just being kids tbh. i'd force him to wear cutesy animal headbands and ride the rollercoaster and the ferris wheel with me and we'd stand in long long lines just talking and he would probably whine and complain about everything but he'd put up with it for me (also i'd probably manipulate him with my big eyes and my own bratty attitude ^^)

2. with satoru, i feel like since he's pretty childish in a relationship, i'd definitely act more bossy/mature with him as a result. (he'd look so pretty taking orders, wouldn't he?) dream date with satoru would just be a stay at home date. we'd start off by cooking dinner and dessert together, then have a spa night, and end it by doing a disney movie marathon together. he's so money i just have the urge to show him that we can do things without spending so much or going out to fancy restaurants and stuff.

anyway, i'm sorry for making this so long. as you can tell, i'm a talker. i'll leave the choice up to you for which boy to pick, but i just want to say thank you in advance. i love u sm mamba. congrats again baby doll <33

my beloved safi!! my dearest angel!! i’m so so soooo excited to do your request!! genuinely kicked my feet and did a little dancy dance when i saw your ask and i started searching for your pics as early as 4am before work! as soon as you mentioned sunshine x grumpy, you’d gotten me on team toji! im gonna make the prettiest, cutest, sweetest boards and scenarios for you, because you truly are as bright as the sun and you deserve the world! hugging you sooooo warmly!

also please don’t feel bad for telling me as much as you did!’ it makes me happy to learn about you all during these little events!

╰┈➤ cherry blossom lips — safi x toji

╰┈➤ song — pov by ariana grande

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 one of the first things that really drew toji to you was your smile. he finds the way your eyes light up and crinkle ever so slightly ever so enchanting. he’s so entirely enraptured, you have no idea just how much!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 i’ve said this for others as well, but toji’s also the kind of lover who is very attentive to you and your likes. i also think that he spoils you quite a bit! he’ll take note of your collection of lipglosses and lipsticks and whenever he’s out, he always keeps his eyes open for ones that he thinks you’ll like.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 if you only ask him once, he’ll help you pick out a lovely combination for your days and contemplates very intensely on what look he thinks would work well! he’s very involved surprisingly and loves to see the way you switch things up every now and then, and finds it really cute when you keep returning to favourites time and time again.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 i also think he’d be very playful and loves to kiss your glossy lips, if only to taste the sweet flavours as he licks the tint from his own lips, keeping his eyes locked on yours with your chin between his fingers as he tells you how sweet you taste.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’s very perceptive to you and your feelings and always looks out for you as best as he can. he knows just how much you care for others around him, and him especially, always making sure that he’s alright, asking him about his day and of anything that he may have on his mind.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he might not be very vocal about it, but his way of reassuring you is at first to pull you in for a long hug. he rests his chin on top of your head and just holds you close to him, hands stroking your back and waist and taking slow, deep breaths so that you’ll follow his lead. especially during moments when he notices you quietly hurting, he’ll always mutter loving reassurances that he’s here for you, and that you don’t have to push yourself to talk to him until you’re ready — just know that he’s there for you

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he also knows how much you try to show yourself love, especially when it comes to your body. toji can tell whenever you’re having a hard time showing yourself the love he feels for you, and his way of reminding you of that love is by initiating physical contact in very intimate ways!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 not intimate as in sexual, but he’ll lay down with you and shower your entire body with kisses, reaching beneath your clothes with his fingers and taking his time to let each kiss linger, with little whispers of everything he loves, every part of you that you’re still learning to love on yourself. like i said, he’s extremely intentional, so know that all of those kisses and light touches are overflowing with love he feels deep inside his heart, because he’ll be there to love you until — and even after — you’ve fully grown to love yourself the way he does

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 when you ask him one day to visit an amusement park with you, he doesn’t think twice about saying yes! sure, he might act like he has zero interest in wearing those cute headbands with you, but he’d do anything just to make you happy!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 sure, he’ll say that it won’t look good on him and that it’ll make him look silly, but how can he say no to those pleading eyes and pouty lips of yours? in the end, he’ll let you stuff his mouth full of cotton candy and grumble as you set cute mickey mouse ears atop his head — and don’t tell anyone, but he melts like putty at the way you light up and boop his nose, a little red faced as you tell him how cute he looks

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’ll even match with you to wear pink themed outfits! if it’s a colder time of the year when you both go, he’ll buy you both pink lilo onesies ahead of time so that you can wear them together! absolutely loves the pictures you both take and sets them as your contact photo, his wallpaper, all so that he can see the way you smile at the camera while his soft gaze is trained on you

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 now this is a secret, but toji gets a little squeamish in high places, so he’s a little nervous at first about going on the roller coasters and ferris wheels, but it’s all so worth it as he gets to hear your joyful squeals and laughter, watching your eyes crinkle as you belt out all these happy noises. the fact that you’re enjoying yourself makes him all the more pleased and he takes his own enjoyment purely from you.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he knows how you love the romantic things in life, so he takes you to the biggest ferris wheel in the park at night when all the lights shine like colourful stars. he wraps his arm around you and admires you admiring the scene around you, leaning into his embrace and just taking in the moment. he can’t stop himself from thinking just how precious you are to him, how much he loves you, and would absolutely tear the world apart to keep you safe.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 when your cart reaches the highest point of the ride, he lets himself go and pulls you in for a sweet kiss, letting it last for seconds that feel like years and mere moments to him as he drinks you in for all that you are, pouring into you every poem he’s secretly written in his heart for you. he whispers to you how much you love him, “until the end of time, safi… i’ll always love you, even after then.”

mamba celebrates 100 followers — jjk and haikyuu selfship event!

[rosekasa]

ive yet to finish an art project since december bc ive been so down abt my work. im startjng to feel like a one trick pony, like i can only make one good art im proud of and never again. each type i set out to make something it just doesn't turn out good so i delete it and start again and rinse and repeat. its nice to know that its not just me who feels this way

baby you are NOT alone!! at a time where most of the art we consume is through the norms of social media it can be so hard to remember that art is not just about making a good 'finished product' and that your value as an artist isn't about your work looking like those of the people you see with thousands of followers. feeling proud of your work comes from feeling proud of yourself. i have so many pieces that objectively are Not good but i feel filled with so much love when i look at them because i remember how happy i was while creating it. but then i have pieces that have gotten thousands of reblogs but i physically cannot bring myself to look at them for too long because while i was drawing it i was constantly thinking about whether it will look good, whether it will fit the idea i had in my head, etc. etc.

I don't know if it's any consolation to hear this, but the feelings triggered in you when you see a result you don't like are not concrete nor are they a true depiction of who you are. you are a wonderful, skilled, creative artist and i can say this to you without knowing who you are and knowing your work because to be that kind of person is to think you are that kind of person. the more you tell yourself not to be nervous about your art not turning out good and focus on creating the things that make you feel joy with confidence, the more your art WILL start to look good, i promise.

i wanted to share some examples with my own art and my feelings about it so if you're not interested don't worry qjkskw im just putting it under here

i think this was my most reblogged piece in 2022 but i dont think ive seen it closeup since then because it does not make me feel good when i look at it. when i sat down to draw this i was so stressed about making it look a certain way. i was trying to use all this technical knowledge like forumlas to make it look 'perfect' but at the end it just felt like a drawing that wasn't even mine. i do like the sky a lot though because painting skies like that have always made me feel really happy.

same situation with this piece. i had the vague idea in my head but it felt like i had to make it a chore to make sure it looked good. i kept trying to find the 'perfect' references and trying to copy tutorials id seen about anatomy to force it to look good but again this just doesn't feel like my art because i think so much of it came from what i thought i shouldve been doing rather than what felt good. it felt like i was trying to prove myself

i did this in an hour and a half and i thought it was going to be a warmup ahkdka. i completely switched off my brain while i did this. i loved this pose from ikari gozen and so i sketched it out really fast in a way that felt so. easy? natural? the rest of the details sort of just fell into place. that's not to say i didnt try to use the same techniques that i did for the other two, but this time i trusted that those techniques that i learned would naturally come to me while i worked while i had the end result in my mind. when i look at this piece i just remember how intuitive the process felt, how i would zoom out of the canvas and look at it and think 'omg wait what if i try that thing i saw on that youtube tutorial...' and how i wasnt trying to prove to myself this was a good drawing, but for the way i felt natural and happy prove it to me instead

this one too ❤️ i have improved my anatomy a lot since this piece but i still use it on all my portfolios and commission examples because it feels like such a good depiction of how i want MY art to feel to me when i see it. i love ladynoir so much and i love oblivio so much and that's genuinely all i was thinking about while drawing this. i didn't want to make it perfect, i just had a vague image of what i wanted it to be like in my head but i was just so excited to be doing oblivio art that i totally forgot about stressing about everything else and just let the brainrot power me HDKDKA. the process was so messy but it felt a lot like solving a puzzle, you know? i didnt need to force any techniques onto it to make it look good because i trusted that the image would already be there, i just needed to find it

[tododeku-or-bust]

Patrochilles and Parenthood (all fics in the series) +

how you came up with it

the writing process

something deleted

fav part

a challenge

how you thought people would respond

how they did

something you wish you'd done differently

something you're proud to have accomplished

I assume you mean the series as a whole vs each single one in the series, bc what's going to be a long answer would be even longer lmao. Okay!

ASK GAME

Q1: Well first, i was just thinking about Philia bc I was having baby fever lmao. Babies ain't cheap, so writing it is! Half jokes aside, what I really loved was the idea of exploring a more mature Achilles, as he is in Hades after the events of The Iliad. The idea that this man, forced into maturity from terrible decisions and trauma, having found he's a great mentor with Zagreus, how would this man behave with his and Patroclus' child, were he so blessed with one? He doesn't really like remembering what happened with Zagreus unless forced, but it's different when every day he has to look into his daughter's eyes- his own eyes. It's how all of his actions in his life would come back to him, recontextualized (e.g. Agamemnon and Iphigenia), as he tries to navigate his daughter to make better choices. To be better. It also helps to show how he is growing, healing, and becoming a better person. Essentially it's a character study of a "middle aged" Achilles, and Patroclus as well to a smaller degree, through parenting.

Over time though, as I began to flesh Philia herself out as a character, I decided to also explore my own love and care for Black girls through her, both in fiction and in reality. About how I wanted her to be a happy, safe, beloved child, about what their love and decisions mean to her and how what they do have an important effect on her. So often, if Black girls even get to be in the narrative at all, we're ignored, or treated like the 'mean tough bitch' that moms everyone else in the fancast, adultified just as in life. I wanted to let Philia be a child. I wanted to show that Philia is very strong, but that her inner strength comes from her community and her ability to seek support from them, no matter what age. She knows she can take risks and learn bc the love she receives is unconditional. That's something I wanted my readers to internalize, an unconditional love for a Black girl.

Q2: I kind of went into it in the first answer lmao. Got excited. Oops. A little more on it then! Tbh, in the beginning, it was just more my own headcanons elaborated on. I didn't really have like a "singular thread" connecting them until I got to Perspective- that's why Prophecy feels so odd in the group; I was just writing to write. I intended on Philia's series being a sort of writing practice for me, since she's an OC, so that's how I treated it up to that point. But yeah I would be at work imagining all day then go home and put it together (that's how I write in general). I would often check both TSoA and The Iliad if I had reference or continuity concerns, to determine which path I wanted to take. Over time, there'd be enough in my outline to form a coherent story.

Q3: Something deleted. Hm. I can't really remember, tbh. I'm sure I deleted plenty of things, very often things get cut and either find somewhere new or get erased from my brain.

Q4: Oooh! Oh I have many favorite parts, I can't pick! Without taking too much time... Hmm... Phi, Kai, and Calix' dynamic and their powers for sure. I love these three kids who are essentially demigods running all around the underworld like its normal lmao. I love frazzled, worried dad Achilles. Him being stressed is half the fun. I especially love it when Patroclus, who is also growing happier and calmer, gets to tease him. That last scene of the last story, when he's teasing Achilles, makes me so happy bc it shows how the man he once was is finally shining through, the happy man who you once couldn't even see a glimpse of in Elysium.

Q5: A challenge for sure was convincing myself to write what I wanted, versus being worried about how others would perceive it. This was really big during Priorities. I knew that I was going to write Philia being (somewhat) in the wrong, lashing out, damaging her relationships, going through all the emotions of a confused, angry teenager who's fighting the world bc she can't understand why she's not included in it the way she thinks she's supposed to be. And I recognize that, in fiction and reality, people don't take kindly to Black girls doing that. God forbid we be human too 🤣 So my worry was that people would hate her bc this was the story where she would show that dark side. But then I realized, nah, imma do what I want. People hating is because of their own biases. As much as I'd like to, it's becoming clear to me I can't stop folks from choosing racism lol. So even though it annoys me, I'm glad I went through with my decision.

Q6: I did NAWT think people would care. It's a Black female OC. the ultimate triumvirate of "fandom don't give a shit".

Q7: I am SHOCKED by the response every time! Like today I saw Philia has 225 kudos?! Where did them people come from?? Y'all wanted to read my lil fic?! About my sweet girl?! So overjoyed! And I mean, interest petered off over time, which is fine! It's still more than the 15 max kudos I ever expected would come out of this experience!

Q8: I wish I'd explored more of Phi, Kai, and Calix outside of the major events of Perspective, Priorities and Perseverance. I mean, they do have three straight fics of interaction, but I do wish I'd just written them having a good ass time enjoying growing up. But that doesn't necessarily make for entertaining writing, when I can just imagine it in my head much more easily. Still, I'm sure it would have strengthened the writing.

Q9: shit, finishing the series as a whole! You couldn't have told me when I wrote Philia that it would be as well put together as it turned out to be! I'm also very proud of how the series ended; I struggled for a while to figure out how I wanted it to end after the events of Priorities. I almost didn't write it at all, didn't think anyone would come back or that it would be worth it. But I felt like Calix and Philia deserved a proper ending, one that was happy but open. (Then I saw Spiderverse and was reinvigorated bc yes! I saw themes that I was trying to write too!) I felt like if I wrote it for no one else, it should be for me, and it made me happy. I'm also just very proud of Philia herself. My girl makes me happy, I'm glad that I created her. So yeah 👍🏾☺️

I hope I answered your questions well lmao

[raeflora]

ok but can we talk about Chuck’s growth over the last two seasons?! While Dan, Serena and even Nate regressed (ugh- so frustrating) I feel like one of the few things the show did well was showing how Chuck and by extension Chuck/Blair really did evolve without feeling out of character. I love your blog!!

hi!! omg thank u that's so kind sometimes I worry I'm just talking into the void sksfjkdk but yes!! chuck's development in the last 2 seasons was honestly some of my favourite character development ever I think it was so needed and actually so well done. although it was frustrating having him and blair be separated in s5 I think in a way he needed the time to grow and go to therapy (the fact he actually did is so important to me 🥺) and work on himself so that when they did eventually get back together he wasn't the same boy who messed up in s3.

also this is partly why I get annoyed when ppl still refer to chuck as a "bad boy" bc by s6 he truly wasn't. he'd grown into a young man who he could be proud of, he's never going to be the nicest person but he's much more reasonable and less selfish and more aware of other ppl's feelings. ik he pushes blair away in 6x08 when he thinks they can't be together, but he's not doing it to hurt her it's bc he needs to process it (and be a l'il dramatic sksfjkdk) but blair knows how he is and doesn't push him.

I think that chuck's development culminating in him being a good father to henry is also so important. bc there wasn't really any doubt about whether blair would be a good mother, but with chuck it was always slightly more unsure if he could actually step up. but after s5 there's no doubt about his parenting ability bc he's in a place where he can do it without any doubt. he's not the same as he was in s1 and his s5 and s6 development was crucial to that bc it was able to have him grow without taking away too much of what makes him himself, and he ends up as imo the most developed of everyone

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

hunger games anon here and yes!!! so many connections and references it was so overwhelming when the dots connected. i loved lucy gray so much (and im a long time fan of rachel zegler (since she was a junior in hs making yt covers in her bedroom lol) so i am so excited to see her play lucy (and it feels like the PERFECT casting, even just reading the book she is who i pictured).

spoiler for the hanging scene as well but i thought there was absolutely nooo way snow would let it happen. but then again i also thought surely he wouldnt ever ACTUALLY record and send the audio off to the capitol, either. :/. and when he took advantage of the plinths and their money at the end???? ouchhhh.

and when sejanus cried out for his mom..... oh it basically killed me. i put my book down for a good 30 minutes and just processed it.

honestly tbosas might be my fave in the entire series (with catching fire being second). but arguably my favorite thing abt ballad is that we can see snows actual descent into evil, into the snow thats present in the main series.

the way it starts off with him as just a poor, scared kid trying to make his dead parents proud and him having to make sacrifices to get there, to the way he took such pride in his capitol and home without ever realizing it was the capitols fault he was poor and scared and without parents in the first place.

then the way it shifts to him realizing using people to get what he wants is the *only* way to get what he wants, and seeing him accept that, and seeing him use it to his advantage.... sickening.

maybe because its so realistic in the sense that i understand what his thought process was and it really shows that under correct circumstances, that type of thing could happen to anybody.

literally just bone chilling idk.

sorry for writing an actual essay in ur inbox, none of my friends are into thg so this is basically all the thoughts ive kept to myself abt this book for like a year LMAO

yess rachel is great casting!!! unsure about snow's casting bc i dont know the guy, but i'm sure he'll be great! i am very excited about hunter schafer as tigris!!!!

i actually meant the first hanging scene, the one the song is based on!! that connection was just, it overwhelmed me. but yes, i did not expect that for sejanus </3 snow taking advantage of his parents at the end really did sum up how far he had fallen. there was also a line about how he'd taken back the money he sent to tigris and the grandmama, which just summed it up for me. i'd honestly love just a whole book dedicated to tigris because her line about 'be kind coryo, try not to look down on people who had to choose between death and disgrace' hit really hard, and implied so much about her character. how did she go from his most beloved cousin, to helping the mockingjay? i would love that story.

also never ever apologise for an essay in my inbox, i love it!!!!

[movielp-pany]

Loveless by Alice Oseman

rating: 4,1/5

started and finished: 17/1/23 - 3/2/23

my general thoughts and opinions without spoilers: honestly it was a nice story and I enjoyed it! It was a nice breath of fresh air after all the angst I have been consuming. The characters are likable and I love how Alice Oseman crafted the story about being aro-ace and discovering it. Just generally I liked it, it isnt my favourite story out there, but its definitely worth checking out!

my more in dept thoughts and opinions with spoilers: (basically going over my notes/annotations on this book) (I will probably just ramble here lol) I love how there are so many relatable lines when Georgia goes clubbing for the first time. I have highlighted so many pieces of text here. I felt so bad for her at that moment. I also love how she referred to herself as a ''child'' bc she hasnt kissed someone nor had sex. I feel like that is such a realistic thing for a reason?? I did find it quite predictable that Jason had something for Georgia. Not that its exactly a bad thing, I just kind of saw it coming. I do like it how Georgia considers that she might have feelings for Jason and how she compares it to movies and stories. Immediately Georgia regretted the date, she didn't want to go on the date with Jason. She legitimately had to ask Rooney to reply for her. I think that just shows even more how she actually didnt want to do it, but sort of forced herself to go out with Jason. There were so many moments where it was so clear she didnt want to go out with Jason. Honestly I find it rather stupid that she kept doing it, but it was understandable why she did. I found Rooney as a character pretty interesting and I tried to get every piece of information that I could on her. But honestly I think there was more potential with her for some reason?? Like I think we couldve got more of her in away. While at the same time I think her character was pretty scattered?? I dont know if I am making any sense at all, I maybe will get back to her later. I also think we couldve gotten more of Jason. I dont know. Also I wished we couldve gotten more of Jason's and Sunil's friendship. Like Sunil could convince Jason to go to rehearsals (?) again. They definitely have something strong going on. On the topic Sunil is my favourite character, I love him as a character a lot. The way he had growht through out univerity just amazes me. Even though we dont exactly explore it, I do enjoy every bit we get of him. I am honestly proud that Rooney apologised and that she realized what she had done wrong. I did find the Ellis chapters a bit unnecessary, I mean I understand why she is there and all. But I think the book couldve functioned normally without her. I actually just realized after going through the book to write this. That Georgia choose that song specifically bc Pip wanted someone to declare their love to her with that song. It is just a nice touch I noticed. I did find the '''love declare'' from Rooney to Georgia a bit out of nowhere. Like it just happend a bit suddenly in my opinoin. I am happy that the book ended on the play and the 5 moving in thogether. Like it couldve ended on Georgia accepting that she is aro-ace but this is just better.

[tropics-angel]

I just got out of an abusive relationship that I was in since I was 16yrs old. I am 27 now for reference. It was more emotionally and mentally abusive than anything else. It reached an all time high 2022-2023. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got sick everytime I went out with a friend bc my immune system was so messed up from never leaving my house. They policed my friendships whilst having a sexual relationship with most of their “friends” and I could never say anything about it without getting punished. Anytime I would bring up a concern they would ghost me for days…they didn’t visit me for months and would not allow me to come over and visit either.If I broke things off they always would want to try again just to treat me worse than before. Besides the cruel treatment,I felt we were growing apart because I was changing myself for the better and they were just getting worse. Maybe this is silly,but music is such a big thing for me and I feel you can tell a lot about a person from their taste in music. When their music taste changed to listening to artists who support rapists or music that is degrading to women in general,I knew the love we had shared was definitely over. I was not perfect in the relationship obviously,bc at 16yrs old you don’t know how to properly love someone since you are just learning about your own self,but at 27 basic things like honesty,kindness,and loyalty are just standard. They began to speak to me so disrespectfully and grew so much hatred for me for finally moving out of the place we shared together because I refused to keep tolerating the abuse. For months, I let them guilt and punish me for leaving until I smacked sense into myself. The demise of this relationship was never my fault,but they gaslit me into thinking I was the one who did it all. The complained that I was not affections as they would’ve like me to be and I do own up to not being as affectionate as I would have liked either,but I did not grow up with affection and it was very overwhelming. When I really wanted to be super mushy ,it was so nerve wracking for me.It’s so much easier for me now,but they claimed the change in me was “too late”. Well I think that’s bullshit. It is never too late to love and I’m so thankful and proud of how far I’ve come healing my familial traumas with 0 support from someone who was supposed to be my partner. This person has shared intimate photos of me with their friend when I was underage and I still stayed because I just so badly wanted things to work and to be loved. I devoted my whole life to this person,even rejecting good job offers to help work at their business that ended up failing.This paragraph cannot even cover half of the cruel things that were done and the things I gave despite the cruelty. Again,I own up to my part in the relationship,but there is NOTHING I could’ve done that would merit the treatment I got. I pray everyday to God that my heart stays soft,open,and forgiving despite all that has happened. I have apologized to my ex for the part I played in the past,however,they have not apologized and I really am not expecting one because they are so totally lost and void of love or compassion. I pray that karma and the consequences of their actions are enough to spark authentic change in their life and heart. Maybe my prayers are working,because I am healing up so nicely. This is a person that I never thought I could live without but I am. I know I’m not at 100% but I am still open to forgiving them and still love them after everything. Even when it’s hard,please stay sweet and kind because you will never lose. It’s so much easier to let go of someone when you know there is no ill will on your side. I don’t harbor bitterness,though I am hurt. It’s okay to be hurt about it because healing is certainly not linear. Everyday I pray to get a little stronger,a little sweeter,and a little wiser. I pray for my lover who made themselves an enemy to me and know that God will deal with them accordingly. STAY FULL OF LOVE AND DON’T LET ANYONE SIPHON IT ALL OUT OF YOU

[sharkwing]

Tumblr is the place of every take. We love ourselves some unconventional ideas because it means we can voice our own unconventional ideas without fear. We don't talk about twitter.

Gimme all your erisol headcanons! I wanna hear bout why you like Eri. I love this hopeless troll XD. He n Sol are my faves so Erisol is legit the best ship in my eyes lmao

This is so sweet! I agree, both sites have their issues but I’m so glad I kept my tumblr active after the 2018 debacle. I did leave it alone for a bit, but after being active on both sites simultaneously for a little over a year now tumblr is definitely the better user experience imo.

Eridan has always been my favorite troll!!! I was a big greek mythology kid and have always loved the ocean, so both Eridan and Feferi were my automatic favorites (act 5 act 2 was a difficult time for me 🙃). Eridan won out just BARELY as my *favorite* favorite bc 1.) more obvious mythology/mediterranean history references, 2.) seahorse, 3.) wow, I like history too! and 4.) the cape is just…a LOOK. He’s a cool character! All the trolls are cool characters! It’s always bummed me out that people write him off as “the worst one” when he’s clearly just like. A bumbling edgy 13 year old from Planet Murder trying to be a supervillain in the most ineffectual way possible. It’s hilarious. Feferi even calls him out SUPER early for not actually having the guts nor the desire to go through with his “doomsday plans” and that’s…very endearing to me?? I’m not sure why a lot of people just gloss over that and take this kid’s word for it that he is DEFINITELY actually evil and he is DEFINITELY gonna blow everyone up! Including all his friends! He’ll do it! Any day now! Prommy!!! AM I BEING A GOOD VIOLET YET ARE YOU PROUD OF ME DUALSCAR

Sollux is a whole different can of worms, because I really didn’t appreciate how cool he was until I came back to homestuck as an adult. I think in any medium other than a webcomic he would have been one of my favorites from the jump, but for some reason I just found it really hard to read his text color as a kid and had a bad habit of skimming all his logs. I love him now though! There are a million cool things about him, but thing that always gets me with him is how angry he was with ghost Aradia for concealing the world-ending nature of sgrub from him. His society is shit, treats people like HIM like shit specifically, and if he’d lived to adulthood on Alternia he probably would’ve had the worst fate out of anyone in the main cast, including Karkat and Feferi—still, he was furious that the game he was working so hard on in hopes of saving his world ended up destroying it. Even though he had every right to be like “lol sucks for everyone who died but this works out great for me.” He’s just. So good.

I don’t think I have that many groundbreaking erisol headcanons. I just like them separately as characters and I think that (citing erisol as evidence) they’re WAY more similar than they like to think they are, and they would probably be much better friends (yes, I’m an “all the trolls are friends” person) if their circumstances were different. I know Pesterquest was kind of controversial and not everyone takes the routes as canon, but Eridan’s route kind of cemented for me that on some level, Sollux realizes this. That’s why he keeps answering Eridan’s phone calls, and why he seems to flip flop between wanting nothing to do with him and engaging with his antics. In both universes Sollux spends a lot of time talking to Feferi, and Feferi is still Eridan’s friend, even though she’s been frustrated with him for a long time. At a certain point Sollux has probably heard all the bad AND the good, and he knows that Eridan can be better, and that makes it even more frustrating that he goes around enforcing a system that he doesn’t even believe in because he’s desperate for approval from…does he even know who he’s seeking approval from?? Because the bastard could be getting approval from real people who care about him if he’d just stop being so terrible all the time, but NOOOOO. And that kind of frustration and desire to force someone to improve is exactly what caliginous relationships are supposed to be about!

I guess I hc that Sollux is rarely angry that Eridan is pitch flirting with him period, but that Eridan’s attempts at establishing a rivalry are so shallow and based on cheap shots at Sollux’s blood color and him “stealing Feferi” rather than anything about Sollux specifically. At first glance anyone would peg Eridan as the tryhard in their situation, but to Sollux it feels like he’s the one who’s gone to the trouble of finding actual personal things to dislike about Eridan, and Eridan is being lazy and not meeting him halfway at all. If pressed I do think that Eridan would be able to articulate that he cares about Sollux for reasons beyond that stuff (because seriously, he’s calling this boy in the wee hours of the morning just to complain at him he is down horrendous), but he’s not exactly good at the whole “introspection” thing, so. A slow burn ship for sure :/

[unlicensedinvestigator]

a ray of light in a dark court!

suntar, princess of the unseelie court!