#kind of having a crisis with my art so im happy with this despite the fact

[autoboros]

Felt like posting so here is my design for Auto in an AU made by @sawdusst (coroika pirate au very epic) (you should check it out)

[kerykomo]

been having just a smidge of a hard time recently. (semi-vent post under the break, if you wish to read.)

i just got done with my university semester, technically end of my sophomore year, technically start of my freshman year? its complicated, i transferred. and despite spending all of it with the lovely light of my life, i don’t think i’d ever felt so lonely in my life, perhaps save for the pandemic. it was a different kind of lonely- not some longing for love or companionship- i had that already. i just didn’t make any friends of my own- i kind of got swept into a group that was my partner’s, and not my own. i didn’t bond with these people like my partner did, and i didn’t fit in with them really either. i enjoyed spending time with them and we got along well enough, and i have a lot of happy memories and funny videos to look back on now, but every time i went to hang out with them it was similar to trying to shove a puzzle peice where it didn’t belong. i was an outsider- literally, having transferred and moved from across the country- and i wasn’t used to the region or the demeanor of people from the area. and most of my classes had this same group in them- all being from the same major, go figure- but it didn’t give me many opportunities to branch out and interact with people aside from this group.

i felt like i was kinda floating on an ice sheet with these same people, and even though i didnt really like it on this platform, branching out to another one would take swimming through the freezing water.

only one person, maybe two of the roughly 8 of us were any form of inclusive or inviting to me, to my recollection. and we got along pretty good, but it just felt like every invitation to go hang out with the group was an inconvenience. like “oh we’re gonna go hang out, i guess we should invite komo to come along.” and there were some hangouts that didnt involve me, which i was fine with. again, i was an outsider they had known for maybe a month or two when they’d all known each other for the whole semester previous. im lucky my partner doubles as my best friend and we never mind hanging out with each other, because otherwise i think i wouldve just left mid-semester and went home. i did meet a few people on my own, but because i rarely saw them and they had little interest in hanging out outside of class, their status to me has remained more of “aquaintances” or classmates than actual friends.

secondary to the friend problem, it was recently brought to my attention by my partner that i pretty much have art block or art burnout all? the time?? and have for years??? so. im not sure what that says about my rickety roller-coaster of a mental state but i know it isnt good. i just brought up how i feel like i can’t draw most of the time, or when i want to what i make isnt satisfactory or doesnt look good. at first i thought it was just a style crisis- since i tend to have those pretty frequently and change up the way i draw or try something new cause i get bored of the last thing. but every now and then its like im blessed by the art gods and i can draw exactlly what i want the way i want to. it used to happen more frequently in previous years but its become less and less frequent now, no matter how much of my time dedicate to drawing.

im trying to refresh myself by drawing on paper more often but its still incredibly difficult to come up with anything or even want to draw most days. of course i want to- i have fun with it and i like drawing and its more often than not an outlet for me. but i just feel… stuck. similar to my friends, i dont like where i am and i want to leave it but im not going to like the process to get there and i might not like the outcome. some of its my own personal anxieties, i know, but its hard to move past those.

anyways, i just remembered yesterday that its mermay and i want to make at least a few pieces for the summer season. maybe thinking of the ocean will keep me going for a little longer.

until next time, i hope everyone takes care of themselves. remember to hydrate and drink water even if its not hot outside; your body still needs it. :)

if youve read to all the way down here, thanks for hearing out the problems of a rando on the internet. i appreciate you taking the time to do that.

[tiny-stack-of-knights]

OKAY SO LIKE I GOT THIS ONE DONE REAL FAST BUT IM SUPER HAPPY WITH IT??!! Anyway here’s kirbs (:

Info about them and their place in the galactic crisis au under the cut!!

Here’s my general hcs for them!

-Kirby’s about 6 or 7 in this ref (except the two with the yellow backgrounds, we’ll get to those...). A small child, but a good child (:

-Since they’re a child, they’re only about 4’ tall, and will definitely be taller than meta when they’re older

-Speaking of which! They get moth wings when they’re older. Also they have paws because all of my puff gijinkas have them! The knights just like to keep them hidden since they make holding swords really hard...

-They were raised mostly on their own until meta knight stepped up and started taking care of him. And then dedede. And then they became a family ((::

-Because of the brief period in their life where they didn’t have a parental figure, they become VERY attached to anyone who shows them kindness (which, to be fair is just about anyone), especially his parents. They love meta knight and dedede so very much, and sometimes gets really anxious when away from them.

-If either of them are possessed, Kirby gets really distressed. It brings them a vague, forgotten pain from their past.

-Kirby hates sleeping alone. Despite having their own room, they often sneak in to sleep with dedede and meta. Well “”sneak in””. They’re not as sneaky as they think.

-Kirby’s fine with any pronouns really. Out of respect, and encouragement to define themself, most people use they/them for Kirbs. Very chill little dude

-Kirby is such a happy little kid. Like, this kid can bring joy to even the most depraved soul. They just love to make people happy, since they’re always happy too!!

-Well, mostly. Even as a well behaved kid, Kirby has their moments for sure. They still have a lot to learn socially and manners wise, and usually they only have outbursts when they can’t eat something, can’t have something shiny, or is asked to calm down their incredibly energetic and expressive demeanor. They also get really fucking mad if someone hurts their friends or family and will not hesitate to obliterate them. Kirby can be..surprisingly ruthless sometimes. But only sometimes (:

-It’s very hard to tell them no. They have puppy eyes like nobody else. And will possibly offer to make you something depending on how badly they want it.

-Despite being really young, they’re way more emotionally intelligent than most of the cast of the series.

-Kirby trusts just about anyone, and believes in the good in every single person! Even someone like Magolor, they refuse to give up on. They just want to bring good into the world ;v;

-They love drawing and making art, even if they don’t have the greatest motor skills yet. Anybody who gets a certified Kirby piece is blessed.

-Kirby loves space!! It’s hard for them to float all the way up there so meta takes them up there as a treat (:

-Kirby has vague memories of their first 2 years of life, but it’s muddled and usually comes to them through confusing dreams about a certain pink clad knight.

And here’s where the story for the galactic crisis au picks up (:<

(If you’re confused you can start from Galacta Knight’s ref!)

-Kirby is Void Termina’s opposite..so basically if the user of the Jamba Heart had a pure, happy wish!

-And that’s exactly what happened! Galacta Knight was the first to get close to the Jamba Heart after its hurried completion and sealing..basically before it could get sealed, his wish for a peaceful, happy universe (and admittedly, his desires for a family) manifested as Kirby.

-Therefore, Galacta Knight is technically Kirby’s father (:

-The unfortunate thing about being so close to the Jamba Heart as a Non-Jambandran, though, was that Galacta became corrupted by the Jamba Heart. More specifically, he became corrupted by what would have been, and would later be, Void Termina. Kirby acted as a foil to this though, and often kept him sane; neither of them realized this, however. Especially since Kirby was essentially an infant at this point.

-War broke out with the sealing of the Jamba Heart, and Galacta went into hiding with his little family of Morpho and Kirby.

-The two raised Kirby in secret and on the run from the Jambandrans and Halcandrans. At this point, Galacta was a wanted man. The Halcandrans blamed him for the outbreak of the war, and the Jambandrans were still convinced he was a Halcandran “super weapon”.

-Side note, since Kirby was raised by two puffballs (Galacta and Morpho), they eventually took the form of one later in life.

-After about 2 years of this, things went horribly wrong, resulting in the loss of Morpho Knight, and the breaking of Galacta’s fragile calm.

-He revealed himself for reasons I’ll explain in Morpho’s ref, causing both sides to immediately go after him.

-Eventually, Halcandra takes Kirby away as Galacta got more and more reckless, and the further from Kirby he got, the stronger his possession.

-A side note about Galacta’s possession. As Kirby’s foil, it’s still based on his wish for a peaceful universe and having a happy family. His corruption twists and distorts this desire to protect into something incredibly malicious.

-Hence, the destruction of Halcandra, the rescue of Kirby, and Galacta’s prompt removal from time by the Jambandrans. As a sort of bleak poetry, he really did become the super weapon they feared, just not in the way they thought ):

-As for what happened to Kirby and how they got to dreamland, that will be where Morpho’s ref picks up (:<

Thank you all once again for tuning in!! I’m pretty proud of Kirby’s ref, and I’ll probably be drawing them more aside from the two pics I already have with them and Galacta. And yes, I hope this helps clear up what’s going on in those two images. Thanks for making it to the end, and look forward to Morpho’s ref to tie everything up (:

[burialuntrue2007]

happy canada day

my story is not very dramatic but this particular canada day is really meaningful to me so i want to explain my background a little bit.

when i was eight, i lived in maryland for a year. it had a really big impact on me. in moving, my family drove the entire length of america, so i got to see a lot of the country. we lived near washington dc, so i got to visit the smithsonians, art galleries and historical sites nearby, even as far as gettysburg. taking advantage of our location, my mom decided to focus our homeschooling on american history and i learned all the states and their capitals.. to top it off, my family had been going through a lot of stress previously and this year was a year of relaxation, healing and community building. i felt so at home.

this experience left me permanently attatched to the states and always wishing to go back. i also felt very lonely going to high school in metro vancouver as i didnt know very many other christians. i felt that people “like me” lived in the states. my attachment to american culture just grew and grew.

3 years ago i moved to minnesota, hoping to permanently emigrate. that didn’t end up happening .. i came back home a year ago, and my sense of disconnection with canada was waiting for me. i am lucky to attend a wonderful university here but despite knowing how lucky i am to have the chance to go i couldnt muster any feeling of school spirit. i felt intensely like the people there didn’t “get” me or care about me at all.. which is actually a pretty common complaint at such a massive school.

as the school year wound down, i said to one of my friends, “do you ever struggle with your canadian identity? what does it mean to be canadian, anyway? i feel like it either means being a hick or a far-leftie, and i’m neither of those.” she kind of laughed at me.but that really expressed how i was feeling. i was having a miniature identity crisis for sure.

it’s politics, race, religion, history... i always thought of canada as a place that would more or less be better off without me, which i realize now is selfish. but above all i always thought of it as a lite version of the usa. 

but all of a sudden, within the last few months, i’ve had a massive paradigm shift. it’s hard for me to even articulate, but all of a sudden i am proud to be canadian. it honestly doesn’t bother me that our artists are more obscure than american artists, our culture harder to define, our "big historical events” relatively small. suddenly i love all of it. i feel like the cliche “ask not what your country can do for you..” sums up my change in perspective..... suddenly im not worrying what canada brings to the table, but just appreciating that what it does bring belongs to me. with a hostile attitude, nothing canada does is good enough for me, i compare an emily carr to a carl sandburg and in terms of cultural impact i scoff. but now i look at emily carr and i think, she and i have something in common that sandburg and i don’t. and that matters to me.

it’s hard to summarize but i feel like globalism and consumer culture, as well as the experience of living a few miles from the american border, have made me think of a country as something i can pick and modify to suit my taste. but on the contrary. ... i realize i owe something to the community that raised me and nurtured me ... or maybe, in more canadian terms, i feel an attachment to the land i’ve lived with. i care about the well-being of vancouver because i have vancouver blood.. and i care about the well-being of canada because i have vancouver blood. im not a neutral party who can choose where to be born. i’ve already been born and formed as a person....... and for better or worse i am 100% canadian .... and i finally care about nurturing that part of me, which already exists. & only canada can nurture me as a canadian, & only other canadians will get what it means for me to be a canadian...... even if in every other aspect i feel they are very different from me.

& dipping my toe into canadian culture and history has been the catalyst for this... not “history” like the building of the CPR.... all due respect but when i learned about that in socials 11 i did not exactly feel its burning relevance. but local history, real lives of normal canadians & what it meant for them to be canadian & how they expressed themselves & how they impacted the country......  it’s thrilling to read about someone and think “oh, i live there!” or “oh, of course, i know that law!” or “oh, that’s why that is!” and feel that connection.... a really common feeling when i’m learning canadian history, which i never felt once in all my copious reading of american history. and i’m addicted to that feeling of contextualizing my own life and experiences!

this is all quite new so maybe it’s obvious i haven’t figured out how to say it best. but i am really happy. this is the first first of july i feel confident saying, i am proud to be a canadian, and i’m excited to keep learning about canada for the rest of my life.

what is broken in canada... i want to be a part of reconciling. i want to learn more about native history and culture too, and about every culture which makes up vancouver.. that’s a lot.  but despite the flaws.. i want to explicitly say i’m not convinced to give up on the idea of having a country and being attatched to it... i feel the pressure to do that often at school.. & as a christian i realize my ultimate allegiance does not belong to a state. still i think canada is worth recognizing as a cohesive group of people who belong together, to whose lives i can contribute as a whole more easily & to whom i owe more loyalty than the rest of the world. &...... this first of july im thankful to be part of it.

[stardust-and-blades]

*looks at s7 and s8′s writing of allurance and throws it away”

Okay yall here are ways I, a klancer, would have made Allurance so much more sweeter:

--Season 1 allura @ Lance: Your ears are hideous!” --by the end of season 1: “You know, your ears aren’t so bad. They are actually kind of cute.” --Switch Shiro out with Lance. Yes I loved the mission they went on with each other but consider this hot take: Lance immediately swooning when Allura beats the shit out of a sentry and steals his gun hEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER --*yeets lance into escape pod* Lance: Allura no! It should be me, not you! *cue aNGST* --Lance and Coran viciously tracking down where Allura could be and Lance and Pidge sneaking in without a hint of comic relief bc this is a dire situation and he is worriedTM --Pidge: “She’s going to be okay, Lance. Something tells me they wont dispose of her right away. We have time.” Lance: *cocking gun* Then we better get moving --Pidge and hunk actually gossiping about the possible relationship between Allura and Lance rather than uhhhhh being mean --When Allura first gets captured Keith pulls him aside to check up on him because he is a worried friend and knows what it’s like to have someone--a friend--be in danger --”What do you care, mullet?”  “Listen, I know you’re hurting. We all care for Allura and I was in the same state when Shiro was captured” (he is speaking from a platonic lens but regardless of platonic or romantic it applies in terms of emotions) --Bc I’m a feminist I like the idea of Allura breaking herself out and meeting up with Pidge and Lance. and they end up meeting a whole slew of Galra trying to stop them from escaping Allura is thrown Lance’s weapon as a strategy and it tURNS INTO A SPEAR --DUAL WIELDING COUPLE? YES. THEY SWITCH THE WEAPON AROUND WHILE ALSO INITIATING COMBAT AGAIN COMBAT COUPLE ACTIVATED --#PidgeAndKeithShooketh --Hunk and Shiro: :3 --Coran: -_- --Coran: “That’s weird the bayards are only supposed to be used through one chosen person not two” --Allura: ??? Lance: *clueless as fuq* --When Lance gives Allura his bayard since she is the next blue paladin he cracks a joke and she laughs. Is happy to give blue to her bc he trusts her --Lance gets himself in a pickle during a fight scene and Allura comes in with her lion like pew pew bish don’t fUCK WITH HIM --When Allura had to sacrifice her father’s memories for the good of the castle, Lance lent out a hug bc he too, may experience loss since he is away from his family and not sure if they are alive. And they in turn are not sure he is alive. --When Allura is being harsh to Keith about his Galran heritage, he pulls her over and explains to her the past of Earth similar to her background, but that hating doesn’t solve anything. what is important is to love others for who they are, not their ethnic background. He even brings up the evil Alteans, that no one is all pure and no one is all evil.  --When one of the evil altean sentry’s almost shot lance (but sven jumped in), Allura hears and checks up on him, going all healer mode. Same with sven (altean magic biiiiissshhhh where wAS IT THE REST OF THE SEASONS IM DISTRAUGHT) --Lance doesn’t really flirt with the mermaids in season 2 and when plaxum goes to kiss him on the mouth he gets distracted and she gets his cheek --Lance: O_O surprised but also going “why do am I not a fan of that??? I should be? @ God explain” --When Lance unlocks his sword bayard she teaches him all sorts of sword techniques since Keith is gone and when Keith does return, the two of them teach him. Allura demonstrates with Keith so Lance can analyze and Keith most of the time doesn’t react to Allura “attacking” and touching him bc again, ACE AS FUQ. --Lance: Man I wish that were me Allura: *literally flings Keith across the room with one well planned kick to the solar plexus* Lance: Man I wish that were me --Lance at Keith: I need relationship advice Keith mcfucking knife kogane: what’s a relationship Lance: God I need to set you up on dates. What about that acxa chick Keith: nah I’m good *goes back to book* --Lance at hunk: i need relationship advice Hunk: say no more *whips out countless of poetry and song lists for lance to use to wooTM Allura* --When lotor comes in fuck jealousy. Fuck it I hate the jealousy trait so Lance is sitting there, seeing them interact, and is confused as to why it slightly hurts but he is willing to let go --When you love someone so much you see them happy with someone else, you let them go bc you care about their happiness more than forcing a happy ending for yourself (cue more langst rip SHE LIKES YOU YOU SILLY BOY) --While I am a lotura shipper since this is strictly Allurance rewrite, Lotor is ace as fuq and sees Allura as a friend and she in turn thinks the same thing --As they are looking into alchemy and shit they stumble upon Honerva’s entry on Zarkon and her growing affection of him and Allura is like “Love is both beautiful and chaotic Lotor: Maybe, but it is what warms the heart and sparks endless passion Allura: Do you love anyone? Lotor: I love my generals. Not romantically, but they are my family. Allura: What is romantic love like? Lotor: That, my dear, is something you must find out on your own. Alchemy can only take you so far. Allura: *crISIS* -When Allura saved Lance from death’s grasp she is checking on him like, every hour  “Allura I’m okay” Allura: you dIED Lance: But your sweet talking brought me back to life *cue goofy grin* Allura: I don’t know if I should smack you or kiss you Lance: What Allura: whAT --Fuck the fight with Lotor bc they are now best friends and allura goes to him for advice and gossip and be like “what is this feeling so sudden and new” --Lotor: :3 --Lance one night is walking around the castle with his face mask on and runs into Allura and she sCREECHES “WHAT IS THAT” “IT’S A FACE MASK” “WHY IS IT EATING YOUR FACE OH MY GOD LANCE TAKE IT OFF” *Cue Lance informing her of what a face mask is and, when he removes it, she can’t stop stroking his cheeks and he’s livingTM) -They have a night of talking about their families and Lance putting a face mask on her to help her skin and braids her hair. It soothes her from all the stress she has been dealing, especially as a diplomat and paladin of voltron. --Hunk even made them altean brownies in the shape of hearts awwww --They fall asleep next to each other and the mice inbetween them --They were spooning until fucking pidge barges into Allura’s room and stARTS PLAYING THE HORN TO WAKE THEM UP PIDGE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS --They scream, I scream, we all scream bc pidge is a shit --They don’t kiss in season 8 no no no they actually kiss in like, season 5 or 6 as the finale and it’s under the stars in the castle and all pretty and despite my bitterness over the red and blue and pink stars being completely thrown out the window, the blue and pink stars glow -three words: Space Mall Date --He gets her something sparkly at said mall or on earth and she marvels over it.  --On earth he gets her a rose quartz necklace and she loves it and never takes it off. She tucks it under her armor and when Coran advises it would be best to take it off she refuses  --When they crash land on earth after honerva’s fucking weird ass altean mech attacked for like, two episodes, Lance is sleeping by Allura’s side bc he woke up first and when she wakes up she pats his head. --She frames his drawing what do you mean it isn’t nice it is pure ART --Lance makes her another tiara as a replica of the one she sacrificed for Shiro. He gets Shiro’s help in finding the perfect stone to resemble the one she gave Shiro --It sparkles. Cue brownie points --They get in like, one argument and its about who the space mice are traveling with when they were in the voidTM --Lance doesn’t know how to dance but Shiro and hunk teach him so he can woo the socks off Allura --There is a ball episode. She enters in a beautiful dress and Lance is pure mush holy shit thats mY GIRLFRIEND --She even hAS THE NECKLACE HE GAVE HER RATHER THAN THE DIAMOND ONES ROMELLE FOUND OOF --Allura? Dying?? No the lions are sacrificed or there is no sacrifice at all bc Honerva alone should have been the one to have died only, not Allura. Dying is Dumb. --The alteans see through Honerva’s lies and actually overthrow her and Allura takes over the Altean colony because she deserves to be with her people and get to know them and yes that is her human boyfriend what about it. --They have a pretty wedding and she has juniberries as her bouquet. Shiro catches it. Adam isn’t dead bc like I said DYING IS DUMB. --They rule new altea together and explore the universe and help other planets learn to be independent and no longer used to Galra control. They help find proper galra diplomats (like the blades and kolivan and krolia and Keith) --They still have to fight the living supporters of Sendak bc the fires of purification yea what happened to them did they die --Peace is a long road for them but they achieve their dreams, love each other, and have fantastic friends  --side note lotor still not dead bc again he is a diplomat for both alteans and galrans and is as valuable as Allura is with diplomacy

EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER WHADDUP THATS MY TAKE HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND UUUUUUHHH YEAH FUCK CANON BYYYYYYYYE

[murdocsmacattack]

the reason im not afraid of 3x10/3x11 and the reason 3x10/3x11 needs to happen

so ,the name at the very least ,for what will ether be ep 310 or 311 has been revealed "mac+fallout+jack" and for pretty understandable and obvious reasons its left 99.9% of the fandom with a seance of foreboding especially given mac and jacks interactions resent episodes ,

however im not afraid , and, i may be giving the writers to much credit with what we've been getting and all, but last time in season 2 when i gave the writers some credit , we actually  came pretty cloes to what i was thinking , so im going out on this limb again , and i hope you'll hear me out , because were dealing with the bromance slash surrogate father relationship of jack and mac , and this area at least the writers have always gotten 99.9% right ..with ..a few hiccups here and there but you get what i mean , so what am i getting at?    

the offness were apparently ALL picking up when it comes to mac and jack..is being done on purpose.

why do i think this ? well its a bit long and briefly personal , but art imitates life and there is a point so i hope you bear with me,a little while back around 302 i did a post about the reaction of the fandome to mac leaving, coming back , and still wanting to leave again , where i basically stated the former

"i think the problem is a lot of people are looking at the situation through “mac” colored glasses so to speak like “oh macs so sweet and so strong , so clearly this isn’t him , this is childish ,his friends are going to easy on him , hes a compartmentalize mac would never do this , hes not allowed to act like this!”"

and im not saying everyone whose coming to the “macs being a dick ” conclusion is completely wrong , but i truly still stand by the believe that his actions are more of a gray area then were giving it credit for , and ill get into that and why its important in a sec but first , lets look at jack  

the thing is , after reading a lot of my fellow fans feelings and reactions and mulling over my own thoughts , i think people are seeing jack through jack colored glasses as well, see jack discovered something about himself in 301  when it comes to mac , something i just assumed everyone else saw even tho it was subtle, and its something about himself that knowing jacks character he doesn’t much care for      

in 301 it was ether riley or bozer who stated "jack didnt care where you were , as long as he knew you were happy " witch as far as there relationship has gone thus far , has been the assumed status quo between them and towards each other, but then we see jacks actions, and hear his own words when he finally comes face to face with mac after there months apart

"I was gonna hunt down and capture Walsh.Yeah, I kind of figured if I collared your old man's ex-partner, I don't know, he'd just retire.And-and then you could return to the Phoenix."

"You know, you did save my life, pal, but I could argue that I'm saving yours as well.Rescued you from a life of misery, - wasting your talents. '

" the world needs you, Mac.And you owe it to the world to work for the Phoenix."

jack goes on to tell mac his main reason along with the ones stated above was jack was doing what he always does , protecting him , but having had this short conversation and hearing his thoughts out loud AND judging from jakcs reaction to mac coming to find him at the airstrip in the next episode , jack realized somethings after having time to mull over his own words

1 that mac being happy , alone, isn't enough

like riley said ,jack knew mac was relatively happy, he had his first steady girlfriend that hasn't tried to kill him , and tho not in any war zones , was still using his gifts to help people , he was healing and happy to the point he was considering not coming back , and i honesty don't believe this was an easy choice or taken lightly on macs part, whose the type of person who wont leave a house he loves despite the fact its literally unsafe, mac had to be happy in a real kinda way to come to this decision , and jack must have known that

but jack still cant fully accept that , hed rather have mac happy AND be with him , then only the former , jack assumes mac is "living a life of misery " because jack is miserable without him , and in that dialog jack admits this to mac and himself out loud for what is probably the first time  

this revelation is so hard on jack , because knowing jack he no doubt thinks this is very wrong of him to feel , jack views riles and mac as his children , but because he hasn't had biological kids of his own for a long and continues amount of time , jack doesn’t understand that theses feeling of a parent in relation to there child are completely normal ,every parent struggles with the balancing act of wanting there child to be happy , and also wanting the child they've raised to be near them

in jakcs mind hes come to the unwanted conclusion that when it comes to mac , he can be greedy and even a little selfish , even if that isn't entirely true and even if mac himslef may not actually feel that way , its how jack is seeing himself now and its put him on edge in concerns to mac

2 jack thinks macs dads physical presence is the only problem

jack and his own father had a completely different relationship in comparison to mac and his dad , but its influencing a lot of jakcs actions , jakcs convinced if big mac is out the building mac will have no problem walking back in , but that's not the real issue ,witch brings us to mac himself and the main problem when it comes to him and his relation to the people around him ,witch is ?

mac is emotionally distancing himself..because his emotions are being disregarded .

macs life was truly torn apart last season after what his father did, hes left  feeling the crushing weight of looking at any and i mean any aspect of his life , and feeling like it doesn’t belong to him ,most likely to the point were doing anything that reminds him of those feelings may even be physically painful , no really , i want you all to imagine building something real that you thought was amazing for years and then having someone tell you “no you didnt do any of that , none of that’s real , you’d have nothing without me ”

god guys its..skin crawling ,and mac was crawling in his own to the point he felt he had to leave the continent to get away from it,of cores macs not acting like who he is , he suddenly has to question every aspect of what that is, mac was faced with a real identity crisis ,and i know for people who haven’t run this kinda race that’s a hard thing to understand , to understand having such a great support system to fall back on ,and not being able to reach out to it , but its a real thing ,and its actually a pretty accurate picture of someone not being able to see past it when there in that much pain , because that’s what this is its pain ,and quite frankly macs handling it better then i did      

i did what mac did to the people around me ,only i didnt have to leave my room to do it, but i was given that space and all the time i needed  to mentally and emotionally heal, the problem is, mac wasn't, not really , mac thought hed found a woman and a purpose, and that was it, hes good , but that's not who mental health works , and it really doesn’t help , that macs kind of the martyr of the group , thanks to his dad mac was pretty much a parentified child from the time he was 10 hes been putting everyone else’s feelings and well-being before himslef for a looong time

and because that was his default setting within the group , it became a shock when mac did something drastic for his own good that put himself first , and weather we or the characters like it or not , that distance was needed, and the slow healing that was happening was cut short, and then he comes back and jack tells him in his own words that he wants him with him to the point of putting him self in harms way , because he knows mac will turn around and put himslef last to save him ,and mac doesn't know what emotionally to do with this , because macs not used to being so wanted , but hes still not healed and being around his father is still hard so he goes to leave again , but then murdoc happens  and mac puts himslef to the back again because someone died , witch brings us to the big point of why "mac+fallout+jack" needs to happen

mac and jack still arn’t right with themselves..and there not talking about it 

mac tries , weakly , at the end of 302 , but jack cuts it down and says there fine , and mac in turn says the same , becaues both of them don't want to acknowledge that something no matter how tiny between them has fractured , but this moment where they both chose not to talk is what sets the tone going forward , jack doesn't let himslef be as close to or open with mac as he was before , and macs feelings, especially when it comes to his father , continue to be pushed aside or misinterpreted ,so mac emotionally distances himslef from everyone and everything and says nothing ,and why would he , mac put his own feeling first , for the first time ..and it was met with a very negative reaction

but they need to have this conversation , and the only thing that may very well bring that about at this point with them playing pretend ,is that mac needs to have an emotional blow up ,hes been pushing all this shit down from all sides and its really been fucking with him , its been a long time coming and there needs to be screaming and crying and yelling , and it may be painful to watch and painful to hear , they may not talk for a day or 2 , but this needs to happen , they need to lay it all out and get themselves right so they can be right together  

mac and jack have both been disillusioned with there seance of self , even if the things they now believe about themselves arnt exactly true , its made them loose the equilibrium within there relationship that has been there constant , their off ,and they need to find each other again.

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Poetry and images by  Rose Bruno Bailey

Excited to feature the writing and images by Rose Bruno Bailey ...

DISORDER

I'm fighting

I'm fighting to forget

I'm fighting to remember

I'm fighting food

I'm fighting time

I'm fighting finality

I'm fighting a sterile existence

I'm fighting perfection

Im fighting to fit in

I'm Fighting to be finished

I'm finished fighting.

I'm a lover not a fighter.

But I will never win the fight.

Loss of love is the biggest defeat

With Love comes a price.

To love or to fight?

Either way we all lose.

MARATHON OF HEROES

Don't sit, stand

Don't stand, walk

Don't walk, March

Don't march, run

Run,

Run for your life

Run for others

Run for office

Run the world

Run

Don't sit, Stand,

March, and Run

It takes one

One person

One movement

One step

One

Run

INVESTING IN OTHERS

Money doesn’t buy happiness,

That’s what they say.

Tell that to the single mother,

Who can’t pay the power bill.

Or the uninsured,

Who can’t treat their chronic illnesses.

The weeping animal lover,

Who cannot call the veterinarian.

Or the elderly,

Who go without supper.

I see it daily.

The hard workers, the struggling.

The forsaken tired laborers.

The grocery store clerk,

Who works two jobs,

But tipped a waiter 100 bucks

Simply because he was frail and limping.

The kind givers who have nothing,

Who share something

Of what little they do have.

Kindness within exists.

Giving unconditionally.

Looking out for others

Just like them.

Community.

Happiness is found in hope, despite  

Foreclosures, liens, bill collectors,

Eviction notices,

Late fees, due dates.

Sucking away joy.

Spirits remains intact,

Needed to warm yet another cold day.

Lending a helping hand

To a neighbor,

Or a stranger in need.

Money may not buy happiness,

But it buys basic needs;

Tools we need to survive.

They also say most people just survive,

And to be happy you need to thrive.

How can you thrive

When you are barely surviving?

It’s a tongue twisting

Quagmire of a riddle;

A crisis of humanity

I wish to fix.

I contemplate who first said these words?

Probably a bored person

Who never lacked a roof or a hot meal.

Ebenezer Scrooge comes to mind.

Charles Dickens understood these things.

Money may not buy happiness,

But I would take my chances.

I would rather be wealthy

so I can help others,

instead of worrying

about dreaded bills.

In the meantime I give,

Whatever little I have to give;

Because that’s how we roll.

Excess pennies

Become

Heaven sent change.

This is community

Not defined by debt.

We seek happiness

In spite of the cliches,

Although the numbers on surveys

Tell us otherwise.

We prevail over poverty

Giving each other hope

With the currency of kindness.

FIASCO 

Hope, we are told to hold onto hope. it's really just a gussied up four letter word, fuck hope; A grandiose word for tease. I bought in, we all buy in; Images of sunnier shores ahead. Land never appears, hope casts you out to drown with no buoy. Hope is a passive aggressive bully, a busted pipe dream. Hope is like a cubic zirconia promise ring, fake, lackluster and never delivering. Rough waves of disappointment roll in, High tide sweeping away optimism for a better tomorrow. Today is under water, today is a flood Of salty tears and people who throw stones. Today sucks as much as hope lies. I may as well just let go of hope. I may as well just let go.

REMORSE I killed a fly I killed another being Weaker than myself They used to say She wouldn't harm a fly I used to say I wouldn't harm a fly But I did cause harm To that little buzzing creature I did not mean to be The reason For the fly's demise I killed a fly I'm Just another human Being Weaker than myself

TOO YOUNG TO DIE 

I paint my face, getting ready for my evening; sadly aware that somewhere an old friend lies in a morgue. Too young to suffer such a fate. She will never have the opportunity to have such a mundane moment again. A life snuffed out with the turn of the wheel. In an instant her family's world has come undone. I knew her, dark, beautiful, vital, alive. Painting her face, like myself and all women. Never knowing her last moments were near, as she performed her final beauty routine. So now when I paint my face, I contemplate life is too short. Our moments can cease at the blink of ones eye. Today I am melancholic, as I sleepwalk through my day. I vow never to take my life, or loved ones for granted. I paint my face, and I reflect, that one last time, so did she.

-

Rose Bruno Bailey @rosebrunobailey​

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Books is a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales ( Laura Madeline Wiseman / Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices(catalog of art / writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017) .Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com , including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists . A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current prompt: What does being a womxn mean to you?

http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/183697785757/what-does-being-a-womxn-today-mean-to-youyour

[akrbinc]

Throwback to 2014, when i first started to start tumblring again, and I even made a separate IG. Around that time, I was very inspired to be like the cool kids. You know, aesthetic stuff and all. Like, they got themselves figured out. I had this senpai i looked up to. I liked how she liked all of her otaku and geeky stuffs. I aspired to be like her, and I wanted to know more. So I started Tumblr again. I looked at manga caps, fanarts, character analysis and stuff. I tried to make witty, smart, and funny captions. That was also the year i was mysteriously recommended to the school newspaper. I was also told by my brother to start doodles, and color them. Fast forward to the next years, the more I lurked around the internet, the more Ive adapted to this new culture. Expressions with “*” and “///” became usual to me, and it became something I was happy expressing myself with. I’ve seen so much movies, series, anime, and also books that I know a thing or two. And then, one of my favorite things and my most obvious characteristic, my friends started describing it as “me.” That was the start of this “FLUFFY”. What does having a fluffy personality mean? I don’t know too. But yeah, fluffy traits makes a fluffy personality right? I have fluffy hair, fluffy rabbits. I trip on my own feet. I’m loading, not usually but just sometimes. I’m kind, daw. I can be silly too. Im KAAWAAIII. So yeah, once I started realizing that this was my brand, I said to myself “Oh okay, lets roll with it.” And after that things fell into place. I didn’t want to be a cool kid anymore. I’ll never be like them, but they’ll also never be like me. Why? I mean, who can eat three bowls of ramen? And who likes sniffing butter? ( *In the distance, the support group speaks “Hiiiii biiiiiiaaaancaaa*) AND WHO CAN BINGE READ IN ONE NIGHT LIKE ME? *eye twitches*. I wear my old sneakers with everything. I own a long big jacket that makes me look homeless, and I’m totally cool with it. Despite what the DAP tests says, I draw my doodles with dotted eyes and long and thin necks, and with big fluffy hair. After saving so much art, I started drawing my own, and most of all, I started coloring! I may still be conscious about my accent, but if I gotta do it then I will but if I don’t have to then I’m walking the long way just to avoid it. HAHAHAHAHA. I’m a sucker for stuff toys. And fat cats. I like watching vloggers that are super funny, like Hajime and the Try guys. Moving deeper, I like seeing the sky because its so big and yet here we are. I find comfort in reading heartbreaking fiction. I also find love in sniffing books and petrichor, don’t judge me. I like fluffy hair. And coffee is super delicious, gotta love that. Put in milk tea too. Somewhere along the way, I realized how much I’ve been writing and how much I’ve been living in this world in my head. I expressed this through my writings, my doodles, and all around my social media like my tumblr that looks like trash but is definiety a happy lace, and my IG that features the weird life of my life. ANYWAAAAY, I forgot where I was going with this. Erikson would definitely be proud of me for having past the Identity Vs Identity Crisis Stage. I am happy with the way I am today. I’m with all the good values and with all the hobbies I could have. From that year, I can see how I’ve grown in so much aspects. I am happy.  -b