#kim must suffer

[grissomesque]

9 to 5 / For service and devotion / You would think that I / Would deserve a fat promotion

Requested by anon Music Matters 5/?

[guzhufuren]

me: beauty is a fake concept that poisons society and should be destroyed

also me: sees Sunwoo and takes x100000 damage. even starts wailing and weeping from what his godly face looks like in most cases

[skzoologist]

Hi could u possibly do soft moments between Bae and the members that Stay maybe wouldn't see as they are more in private 😊

word count: ~4.7k words, around 500-700 word per member

warnings: just some tooth-rotting fluff ^-^

genre: fluff

a/n: Hey-ho anon, of course I can! I have gone a bit overboard with this to be quite honest, but I hope you like it! I'm very happy you requested something, especially because it is some diabetes-inducing fluff. Sorry, sorry, I'll wrap it up and let you read what I wrote, I am just so happy about my first request!

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Bang Chan:

A soft knock echoed through the room, no answer to greet it back. But he anticipated it, opening the door anyway and slipping inside silently.

The busy form of his hyung greeted him as he entered the studio, back slightly hunched as he was leaning ever so slowly closer and closer to the screen, completely absorbed in his work of creating art. A gentle smile slipped onto Bae's lips, his eyes sweeping across the room.

He loved his hyung and the other members of 3racha, he really did, but he couldn't help the disappointed sigh that left his chest at the state of the place.

It was an absolute mess -although it was usually pretty clean, to be fair-. Blankets and hoodies were laying everywhere, the table was cluttered with empty takeout boxes.

Thus, he silently got to work; first he gathered up the trash, putting it all into a plastic bag he found -probably what the food had arrived in-. Then, he collected all the hoodies, folding and laying them onto the now clean table for the others to find easily later. And lastly, he grabbed the blankets and comfortably laid across the couch with them: one acted as a pillow, one blanketed him as intended.

Bae was bullied into taking a rest by the others, but since they themselves were all busy doing something else -what hypocrites-, he thought he would join Chan in the studio.

Bae never said it out loud, but he treasured quiet moments like these, where he could just lay around in the others' presence, comfortable silence draped across them like a safety blanket; just like now.

As he was watching a video on his phone -one ear plugged in with an earbud, the other left open in case Chan needed something-, the silence was broken.

"Hey Bae, could you please listen to this?" - Chan asked, as if Bae's presence was normal in the room.

And maybe it was, with the surprising amount of times he visited just to take care of his hyung or the other hard-working members.

The younger looked up at his hyung, craning his neck in the process from his comfortable lying position, a small smile gracing his lips as he nodded. Not even a second later a pair of headphones was passed into his hands; he gave a thumbs up to signal he was ready once he put them on.

Upbeat music filled his ears, the notes filling his head and dancing around in there. It felt like his pulse was matching the beat, the rhythm, and he could already imagine the theme, the props, the setting in front of his closed eyes.

But it was all over a bit too soon, the music fading away and leaving emptiness in its wake. Chan's awaiting face greeted him once he opened his eyes, and he already knew what the older wanted.

"The first third is good, but it needs a bit more power, maybe more bass. Around the middle is a weird sound, the different components of the music somehow not clicking well together." - it flowed out of him, Chan nodding along and drinking in his words as if they were water in a desert.

The elder went back to work, not even thanking him. But it wasn't needed, this exchange of theirs now a second nature to them. While Bae wasn’t as well-versed in the world of music as 3racha was, Chan always liked to ask for his opinion without an ounce of hesitation.

Besides, he could see the excited and grateful tinkle in Chan's eyes, how that smile widened with the dimples peeking out once he figured out a new part thanks to Bae's advice.

Lee Know:

He started towards the kitchen once he looked at the time; he knew his menace of a hyung would be there, utilising his wonderful cooking skills.

"Ah, our little otter has arrived. Came to steal some fish?" - said Minho, his voice light and teasing as he turned back towards the cutting board topped with varying vegetables.

Bae just lightly huffed, knowing that whatever he said back would only result in even more teasing. Besides, as much as it got on his nerves sometimes, he knew all the jabs and nicknames were only Minho's way of showing love.

The elder simply chuckled at his lack of verbal answer and put a gentle hand on the middle of his back to lead him towards another cutting board, descaled fish already washed and sitting on top of it.

With a sweep over all the ingredients neatly laid out on the countertop, Bae put together what food they would be eating for lunch and got to work, no instructions needed.

That was the thing with the duo; they worked so much around the kitchen together, they understood the other silently at that point, no words needed. Little glances, a nod of head, a single gesture of the hand or hip. It was like their own little secret language.

Just the thought alone put Bae in an elated mood, lips quirked up oh so slightly, but permanently as he added the sliced up fish into the lightly oiled pan, the meat sizzling in response. A hand appeared on his waist and he slightly stepped away to let the other dump his own chopped up ingredients into a different pan. Some onion, carrot -they were star-shaped, how cute-, green bean peeked out from the conglomerate of vegetables, but Bae was sure he couldn’t successfully identify every ingredient in the pan.

He poked and flipped the fish slices quickly, then stepped away to their rice cooker. The warmth that kept gradually sliding down on his hips left, a slight huff sounding from behind him somewhere.

That cheeky cat was at it again -well, still at it, to be more precise-, always on the hunt for skinship and butts.

Bae silently sighed and poured in the correct amount of rice and water into the machine. With the press of a few buttons it was already buzzing and on its way to make some fluffy rice.

Knowing he was done, Bae turned around and went back to the stove, hovering behind the male stirring the contents of the pan. He slightly leaned over Minho, noting how the fish was done and already taken off the heat, earning a little hum from his throat.

From the corner of his eyes he noticed the elder looking at him, that content warmth and fuzziness dancing around in those dark orbs, staying even after a slow blink, staring right into his very being. And maybe, maybe his eyes reflected the same look, maybe they took on that crescent shape he adored seeing.

He wouldn’t know, not even as he put his chin on Minho’s shoulder, not even as he helped get the table ready for food, all the while dodging advances on his buttocks. But he sure felt content as he glanced at the fully set table, steaming food sitting in bowls, ready to be eaten.

And that was his mistake, as he felt that firm grip and slap. “Yah! Lee Minho, get back here right this instant you little–”

Seo Changbin:

Bae found himself in a precarious situation.

You see, he was simply on his way to the kitchen to get some water, then immediately return back to his room and continue working. But the moment he stepped foot in the living room -something he had to do to get to the kitchen-, a certain dwaekki set his eyes on him and loudly protested when he tried to leave.

“Binnie, I have things to do, let me go–” “Nooooooo, stay with me, everyone else is busy, I’m lonelyyyyy.” “No, really, Binnie, please–”

But no matter what he said, Changbin only clinged stronger to him, strong arms encircling his waist and trapping him hostage.

After a minute of struggling and whining -from the dwaekki’s end-, Bae decided to take mercy on his own ears and with a heavy sigh, remained still in Changbin’s hold. The immediate joy that radiated from the man was absurd, you would have thought he had won the lottery or something.

But no, he just had a hold of his tallest hyung, turning him into a plushie as he flopped onto the couch and snuggled into his lax form. The satisfied sigh that left his chest was heavy, an indicator of just how comfortable the short male was.

Bae was already familiar with how cuddly and demanding Changbin could be, he knew it all too well. Thanks to his ‘wonderful’ bandmates, who all just showed him into the short male’s arms as a sacrifice most of the time, knowing full well it would be impossible to escape. Your only choice was to accept your fate and be manhandled around, like a lifeless doll, because god have mercy on you if moved and squirmed around.

Changbin was a loud man and he had no hesitation to remind anyone of that fact, no matter how close they were physically at that moment.

“Wanna continue the series we started last week?” - came the question Bae was dreading. “Binnie…” - but a single look at those shining chocolate orbs filled with hope and the stars was all it took, his will wavering and shattering completely.

The sound echoed in his ears, as if a pane of frozen ice was dropped onto the hard ground.

So he simply silently sighed and nodded, already reaching for the remote that laid on the coffee table, as he was laying closer towards it.

A few button presses and a bit of a scrolling later he found the show on netflix and hit play, placing back the remote onto the table to be out of the way. He focused back onto the screen after, the intro skipped and the characters already on-screen, getting thrown into the drama of the episode.

But just as he was getting absorbed into the story, the cuddling male wiggled around to find a new comfortable position. Once that was done, he directed his gaze back onto the screen, following the female lead as she–.

Changbin was doing it again.

And again, and again, until Bae realised what was wrong.

“You want snacks, but don’t want to let me go, don’t you, Binnie?” - the heavy silence was all the confirmation he needed, as he sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. “Well I don’t want you to escape, Hyung…” Dear gods, he was pouting. “Alright, then hold onto me.” “Wait what–” But Bae didn’t wait around, simply held onto Changbin who clung onto his form like a koala to a tree and stood up carefully, not wishing to topple over and injure both of them.

He could get snacks like this and keep his little dwaekki happy, what a win-win situation.

Hwang Hyunjin:

It was one of those rare days, where he found himself gripping a pencil and his stashed away sketchbook.

Soft lines appeared on the white void, connecting and crossing paths in varying places. Some stained the paper greatly, leaving a strong presence behind, while the others barely appeared to be visible at all.

He wasn’t putting a lot of thought behind it, really, he just let his hands take the lead and doodle out whatever they wanted.

And soon the lines created shapes, the shapes piece by piece drawing out to be a face.

Oh.

Apparently he'd been drawing his artistic bandmate, but that wasn’t a big surprise to be quite honest. They had a photoshoot the previous day and everyone was in awe of Hyunjin’s beauty. The image still lived clearly in his head, the soft, colourful lights hitting the male’s features perfectly.

Maybe he should have started drawing on a bigger, professional paper instead, not his cheap little sketchbook.

But before he could stand up to do so, his door opened after a soft knock. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“Hyung, wanna go and-...Hang on, are you drawing without me? Am I seeing things correctly?” - you could already hear the exasperation in Hyunjin’s voice, the fake hurt rearing its head. “Jin…” “How could you?? Hyung, I trusted you!” “No, Jinnie, look–” “Whenever I ask you to draw with me, you decline, saying you are busy, but then you do this behind my back??” “Hyunjin, please–” “How many times have you done this? How can I ever trust you again?” “I’ll draw with you.” “Have you been–...hang on. What did you just say?” “I’ll draw with you now.”

After the three full seconds it took the younger to process what'd happened, his face lit up and a delighted sound left his lips. Bae could only sigh, but there were no negative feelings behind it. He truly did enjoy their art sessions together, as rare as they were.

So, he let Hyunjin drag him around into the blonde’s room, all the while excitedly babbling. Once Hyunjin was excited and rambling, you had no choice but to let him tire himself out.

It was all very endearing, really.

Bae watched the other zoom around the strategically messy room, gathering supplies for both of them. Paint supplies for himself, a pencil set for Bae.

Having everything they needed, they both comfortably sat down facing the other and got to work.

It seemed like this time Hyunjin didn’t want to discuss what their subject or topic of art was going to be, but that was fine with Bae. He was just going to continue what he had started, but now on a professional canvas.

He did have a perfectly good reference right in front of him, after all.

That was how time went by, both of them immersed in their own work as soothing instrumental music filled in the silence. Their canvases not empty anymore, now filled with a myriad of colours and shapes.

Looking over his work one final time, subtly glancing back at his subject, Bae deemed the artwork done and put his pencil back in its place. Feeling stiff, he stood up quietly and stretched, satisfying pops ringing through the air.

And as if they planned it out, Hyunjin stood up as well to stretch, a smile painted over his lips when their gazes met. With a single flick of his hand he beckoned Bae over, the taller striding over towards his easel.

Pure shock and surprise sat upon his face, his wide eyes drinking in the colourful strokes that painted him.

“I caught a glimpse of your sketch earlier, Hyung. So in exchange, I did the same. How do you like it?”

But Bae could only stare at the painting in front of him, his cheeks dusted and blood ablaze fueled by adoration.

Han Jisung:

He only heard the faint sound of a footstep before he was tackled from behind, almost falling face-first into the floor, had he not grabbed onto the wall in reflex.

“What the fuck, Sungie, you could have injured yourself!” “But Bae hyuuuuuung, I missed youuuu.” “We literally saw each other 4 hours ago.” “Exactly, that’s 4 hours too long!”

Bae could only sigh at that, silently readjusting Jisung on his back so he wouldn't slip off and started walking back to the practice room -where he was originally going, without an added weight on his back-.

“That interview was so boring without you.” “Sungie… I don’t talk a lot, what do you mean?” “Sure, but you let me play with your fingers. Or your clothes. You’re just, just, there, you know? It’s really boring when you aren’t.” - it took the taller every drop of willpower to not accidentally misstep or let the younger slip down from his back. He was pleasantly surprised, heat slightly dusting his cheeks.

“But wasn’t Seungminnie with you?” “Yea, but that’s not the same.”

Bae simply hummed, still trying to fight off the heat from his cheeks as he stepped foot back into the practice room he had for himself for the day. He went towards his phone -that was connected to the audio system-, thinking which dance to practice.

But even after he had successfully decided, started the music and walked back to the middle of the room, Jisung did not budge at all. Not even when he let go of his legs, no. The brunette merely tightened his hold, arms and legs wound around Bae as if he would disappear any second.

A single glance at the mirrored wall they were facing was all it took to see the playful grin on Jisung’s face and cause Bae’s face to deadpan.

Well, two could play that game.

And with that, Bae simply got into position and was about to start dancing, when his little squirrel finally detached from his back in slight panic.

Before a word could leave Jisung’s mouth, Bae spun around and grinned widely, attacking brunette’s sides in a brutal tickle attack. The younger boy thrashed around, begging for mercy, even fighting for it, but to no avail.

His attacker didn’t let up, only after tears sprung out of Jisung’s eyes and air barely entered his lungs.

Satisfied with a job well done, Bae stood up and huffed, hands on his hips as he looked down at the absolutely dishevelled and dead-looking Jisung. Knowing he won’t move for a while, Bae simply grabbed both his legs and dragged him away, to not be in the way and accidentally get hurt.

Afterwards he went to reset the music -his playlist was going ever since-, then got back into position.

The beat of the music seeped into his being, his pulse picking up to match it. Careful of every step, the angle of his limbs, the flow of the moves, he practiced the dance ‘til perfection.

His chest heaved, droplets of sweat rolling down his skin as he glanced up and saw something in the mirror.

His eyes zeroed in on it as an ‘Oh no’ echoed through the room, the perpetrator already scrambling up from his seat and running towards the door.

“Han Jisung, come back here this instant and tell me why you started a live in my dance session, you–!”

Lee Felix:

The sky was blue, the grass was green and Felix was a stubborn man. All rules of life, things you had to accept and live with.

That was why when Felix grabbed Bae’s wrist the moment they got back to the dorms, he didn’t put up a fight. The older simply sighed as the others laughed at his misery and just followed the excited male into his room.

The moment the door was closed and the younger was sure his hyung would not be able to escape, he let his wrist go and excitedly started booting up his console.

“Come on Dal hyung, let’s play some Mario Kart!” - Bae was a weak man, his ability to say no to those sparkling eyes nonexistent.

So, he just nodded, accepting the controller offered to him and plopped onto the bed, his back propped up by the headboard and the sea of pillows Felix had. There were also plushies of all sorts laying around, the little skzoo plushies standing out as they were all neatly placed into comfortable positions.

His attention was stolen away when he felt the bed dip next to him, the younger crawling into his lap without a second to waste. Not like Bae minded it. He circled his arms around the younger and placed his chin on his smooth, blonde mop of hair.

“You can choose the map and all.” - Bae answered before Felix could even ask, receiving a hum in response.

They both chose their characters, and the game started.

Now, even though Bae wasn’t a professional gamer or even a casual one -especially compared to his bandmates-, he could still hold his ground. A dodge of a banana peel here, a timed speed booster there, and he was already climbing the ranks, getting closer and closer to the younger.

He could feel Felix becoming nervous, especially when he leaned away from his hold to concentrate better, leaving Bae empty handed on the bed.

But the elder expected this, having had this dance countless times before, already knowing how it would end as well.

And he was right, the same thing happened as it usually did, with Bae winning and Felix losing somehow.

“Agh, what the hell? How did that shell hit me, I wasn’t even in its line of fire! A rematch, gimme a rematch, Hyung!”

And so Bae did, giving the younger what he wanted one after the other.

But after the 10th one, the score in favour of Bae with 7-3, Felix got so frustrated he started sulking. He was turned away on the bed from Bae and all, with his hands crossed and lips probably pouty, controller long forgotten on the floor -where it was thrown at-.

The elder sighed, putting down his own controller and crawled towards the sulking little chicken, dragging him into his hold.

“How about we watch some Ghibli movies, hm? Maybe Totoro, or Kiki’s delivery?” - he whispered out, trying to hold the pouty male’s gaze that avoided him.

A few minutes of silence was all it took, dark orbs now looking back at him with a whisper of ‘Fine’. He smiled, his lips only curving up even more, once Felix’s expression mimicked his.

There was that smile he adored so much.

The freckled male made grabby hands, and Bae happily obliged as he placed him into his lap, arms caging the younger in their hold. Felix wiggled around and snuggled even more into his chest, as if there was any space left between them to conquer.

Kim Seungmin:

It was rare when the second youngest wasn’t insulting someone, causing any trouble or just generally being the ‘nuisance’ he usually was. It was all part of his charm though, no one would truly feel annoyed with him at the end of the day.

Bae knew this as well of course, never taking those playful insults to heart and only jabbing back at the younger a few times if he felt particularly mischievous at that moment.

He was pretty sure it was all part of his love language, just like how physical touch was part of Chan’s or Felix’s for instance, or how acts of service were part of Minho’s. Everyone worked differently, and that was how Seungmin did.

But under all that teasing and being savage, the younger hid away a softness he rarely let the others see. Something even Bae could seldom experience, but cherished nonetheless.

Like when he came back to the dorms after a long day of practice -maybe a bit too long, considering it was almost midnight-, his limbs aching and mind numb from listening to the same song over and over again, in order to perfect that one move he couldn’t quite get.

He didn’t expect anyone to be up -besides Chan of course, that workaholic- and was rightfully surprised, when a sleepy puppy greeted him by the door, taking his bag away and ushering him towards the sofa to sit.

Bae just confusedly looked at the other, but when he tried standing up he was met with the nastiest glare he had seen in a while, so he hurriedly sat back down and waited in silence for the younger to arrive back from the kitchen.

He heard some sounds, the occasional clinking of a utensil against something ceramic, the microwave going off for example. He could only blink at them, not knowing what Seungmin was doing and why he was still up.

But he didn’t have to wonder for long, the brunette appeared with a tray, a steaming bowl of instant ramyeon and a cup of juice sitting on top of it. It was gently pushed onto his lap, the younger boy sitting next to him on the couch, facing him with a pillow in his hold as comfort.

“Eat and rest, Dal hyung. You push yourself too hard sometimes.” - said the gentle voice beside Bae, and he had to let the words sink in to properly process them. “No, Hyung, eat that, or I will break your legs and force it down your throat.”

The elder could only gulp at that, nodding as a response and finally taking a look at his food. It really was instant ramyeon, as he initially thought, but there were extra ingredients added in: a boiled egg, some veggies, and a few slices of meat. Seungmin really took his precious time to make this for him instead of sleeping, even though you could see how tired the boy was.

His eyes that usually shined with mischief were dulled by sleep, his movements a bit sluggish. Sometimes his eyelids remained closed for just a second too long, the motion of opening them looking demanding on the boy’s part.

But even so, Seungmin fought sleep just to watch Bae eat that food, and who was he to deny that from the younger.

Every bite warmed his heart, and not only because it was scalding hot.

Yang Jeongin:

They were all together in the practice room, preparing for their next comeback and everything was going well.

Everyone was nailing the moves they were unsure about before, their bodies moving in sync as if they were gears in a machine, made to work together.

So when the music stopped, they all cheered together, some even dropping onto the floor in relief and exhaustion. Bae was one of them, but mostly because a very enthusiastic Hyunjin tackled him and he just couldn’t properly hold them up when he was so tired already.

“Alright, lunch break.” - Minho exclaimed and everyone bursted into loud cheering, springing up and flocking around Chan to see what they could order online.

It took a bit of nudging to get the blonde off of him, but Bae eventually succeeded and got up himself as well, sauntering over towards the group of very hungry idols. Looking over the available choices and what everyone had already ordered, he settled on getting the same thing as Felix and laid back down onto the ground to wait for the food.

Naturally, with these people as his bandmates, he couldn’t be left alone and enjoy some peace.

No, instead he was dragged around on the floor by Changbin and Jisung, both arguing about who could do it faster or something. Bae wasn’t really paying attention, too tired and hungry to be bothered with such things.

Eventually, the food arrived and he was free once again, but before he could grab his soda can, it was snagged by a certain maknae. The younger popped it open and handed it to him, but not before pinching his cheeks with a fox grin.

“Today, I’m gonna be the hyung, you’ll be the maknae.”

Bae was absolutely frozen and in shock, his eyes wide, one hand holding the box with his food, the other hovering in the air as he was in the middle of grabbing his drink.

That one sentence seemed to have grabbed everyone’s attention, chaos unfolding before Bae’s unblinking eyes.

“Wait, Innie, what do you mean?” “Hang on, hang on, do you mean Bae hyung should be the maknae for today? As in, being babied and stuff?” “Oh my god, you’re a genius!”

Those were a few sentences Bae could make out, before all heads turned towards him and a shiver ran down his spine.

They all flocked around him before he could even lift a finger and the next thing he knew, he was sitting on the ground in Chan’s lap with everyone else around him, being fed different types of food. His hair was an utter mess from all the aggressive headpatting, his cheeks already in pain from all the pinching.

All the while the one behind all this was enjoying the view with a grin, after having had his fair share of abusing the new maknae for the day.

Not being able to take it anymore, Bae somehow successfully wiggled out of Chan’s hold and stood up, huffing as he had to slightly catch his breath from all that.

“Going somewhere, Hyung? Sorry, you're the younger one now.” - came the sudden voice of Jeongin from behind him, scaring the living life out of Bae. “Let me take you there.” - before he could protest, he was picked up by the youngest menace, carried away from all the others who started protesting as they wanted to do the same.

“Innie, why must you hate me?” But Bae never got an answer, only a hearty laugh as he was carried away from the chasing members.

[theinfinitedivides]

right so why are we having this confrontation in the nursery again

[grissomesque]

The results of this poll are very funny considering the overwhelming response to the Problematic Command Decisions poll

[wifeyoozi]

Kim Mingyu : Best Friend Rule 57

w.c : 1.6 k ┊ synopsis : the 57th rule of the bestfriend rule book states, "thou must giveth a head to thy bestie in the time of need." ┊ content warning : smut ,, best friends to ...?? ,, blowjobs ,, gn!reader ,, coming down the throat

a/n : mdni !! not completely beta read. This is just me being horny af for mingyu recently.

This is fine, Mingyu thinks. He has shared rooms before. He has shared rooms with you before as well – with his best friend and, for a long while now, his crush. He could do this. He forces his focus on the sappy rom-com movie playing on the cable TV in the hotel room from the fact that you are pressed closed against him on the hotel bed, sharing packet popcorn with him. You are mostly eating it, he's barely even watching the movie.

Some time ago after you settled on the bed beside him, you'd huddled over to him, “Gyu, scoot over. The TV is kinda weird, I can't see properly unless I'm looking right from the centre,” You said as you snuggled against him.

Snuggled against him, until you were pressing your bare thighs to his clothed ones and your arms pressed up till there was a thin sweaty layer in between, your head resting on his shoulder.

He tried to change his position a little, gripping on the comforter tighter around his waist, just hoping you wouldn't notice his, well, little developing problem in his sweatpants.

The movie ended too soon after that and you sighed, “fun movie to waste a Saturday on, no?”

Mingyu hums, about to suggest another movie, because he's a sucker in love who'd spend two more hours suffering in silence in his pants to spend some quality time with his crush.

Instead, you opened your phone screen, reading a text, “uh, the team is doing a campfire night, you wanna join? They brought beer and all.”

“Uhm, no I'll pass tonight. A little tired,” Mingyu said with a smile as you stood up and yawned, stretching your limbs a little. The last thing he wants is to take his little problem outside this room to the rest of the coed basketball team. He'd never heard the end of it from soonyoung, and the thought alone makes him wanna die already.

He watched as you stretched your arms, your shirt sticking tight to your chest, your nipples pebbled under prominently visible. He has never looked away faster. Were you not wearing anything under that flimsy shirt? Were you planning to go to the rest of the team like that? The thought simultaneously made mingyu jealous and turned on and he tried not to let either show up on his face.

“Alright, suit yourself! Don't miss me too much,” you said, winking playfully as you walked outside the room, closing the door behind you.

Mingyu let out a big breath he didn't know he had been holding. He shakes his head before getting up and leaving to the bathroom briefly to get the box of tissues papers. He didn't have lube – of course he wouldn't bring one to his college’s basketball team picnic – so his spit would have to do.

He sighed, taking his aching dick out finally. It's not his ideal style. The bedsheet is scratchy and cold and the headboard hits his head at an awkward angle, but he shifts himself till he's fairy comfortable.

He pulls his shirt to his armpits, fingers of his one hand brushing over his nipple as he spits over his other hand and takes his dick. He gives himself a few lazy strokes, trying to bring his dick to a full erection. He glanced over to where you say beside him, impulsively grabbing your pillow and putting it against his face. Just as he imagined, your perfume lingered on the fabric of it.

He wasn't in a hurry, he knew you would take time if you were going to drink with the boys. He had plenty time.

He thought of you as he stroked himself sensually, occasionally reaching up and flicking and pinching his nipples. He feels intoxicated by your scent in him. He tugs off his boxers till it's pooled around his ankles. He slowly increases his speed, his thumb pressing over the tip where the precum leaked.

He was getting closer to his releasing, your name softly leaving his lips in whimpering whispers.

He heard the door open. Shit.

He has the exact time to either pull down his shirt or pull up his pants before you'd be face to face with him.

Not being able to think properly with his fogged mind, he chose to pull down his shirt instead, leaving his fisted cock out in the open for you to see when you entered.

Your eyes widened, a brown bag in your hand, “i, uhm, thought that, uhm, I'd get us some take out.”

You're flustered, but not as much as him. He is completely frozen, his hand doing little to hide anything about the size or hardness of his cock.

“I-i uhm,”

“That's okay!” You rushed in to say, “I, uhm, I'm your age too! People have, err, urges! That's completely normal, y’know.”

Mingyu is strongly aware of your gaze over his penis as you keep the bag of take out on the floor and climb on the bed beside him. He retreats back of shyness, bringing his knees closer to conceal himself a little.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, “uhm, y/n-”

“Shit, you're, like, so big, mingyu,” you chuckle breathily, pushing his knee away. Mingyu would almost think that it was yet one of his sick fantasies, except it wasn't. Mingyu was aware and proud of his well endowed body, but he never knew the things it would do to him hearing it from you. Suddenly mingyu didn't know what words were.

“Should I help you?” you ask him as if you were offering coffee, “friends help each other, right?”

Friends help each other. Friends help each other with a fucking erections.

“Y/n,” mingyu shudders as your finger gently hovers over his red angry tip. He'd meant to say, don't say stuff you don't mean or will regret later. Instead, the words that slip his tongue are, “don't tease.”

You chuckle slightly, “okay, gyu, I won't,” taking a firm grip of his cock above his own fist. A breathy moan leaves his lips. You meet his eyes once, staring deep before looking back at his dick, “gyu, do you think I can fit your dick in my mouth?”

And that is how kim mingyu (born 1997, sex male) died at the tender age of 21. The team would have to carry his body tomorrow. His tomb stone would say, died of blowjob offers. Mingyu thinks – nevermind, Mingyu can't think anymore. His brain is fogged up with the thought of your pretty pink lips around his cock. Fuck.

“You can try,” he mutters softly. He takes his hand off his dick, allowing you full access. You pushed your hair back and wrapped your soft lips around his head. No foreplay, no kitten licks, no jerking him off. You took him in his mouth directly, pushing your head down till you felt his dick filling up your mouth.

You sucked on the length in your mouth, wrapping your hand the remainder of what you couldn't fit in your mouth. Mingyu groaned, his hands grippinng the sheets tightly. Your mouth was hot and warm and wet. So fucking wet. Your technique is a bit sloppy, but mingyu loves it nonetheless. He'd love anything with you and his dick in a single picture.

You take out his dick from your mouth, looking up at him with red lips and flushed face. Fuck, are you pretty.

“Shit, I didn't know it was this hard,” you say, chuckling, “sucking a dick, I mean. You are as hard as it can be.”

“You've… never given a blowjob before?”

“No, why would I?” It was a dumb question on his end, dumber on yours. Neither of you was thinking straight about it though, so it's fine.

“friends can help each other,” he thoughtlessly echoed your words.

“Well, not any friend,” you chuckled. “You're my best friend, gyu!”

Mingyu momentarily wondered if you were even hearing yourself. It felt like a unspoken bestie rule mingyu was unaware about till now, that you must give your best friend a head in time of need. Because you seemed so serious like this was a normal best-friends activity to do, casually sucking their dick.

“Can you shift here? The angle is awkward like this, I think I can take it better if I kneel in front of you,” you tell him, motioning towards the end of the bed. He nods without even bothering to think, shifting at the edge of the bed till his legs hungoff the bed. You shifted on the floor, in between his legs. You looked up at him, taking his leaking erection in your hand and placing it in your mouth.

You forced your gag reflexes to relax and took him as deep in your throat as you could, till your nose was buried in his pubic hair. You sucked him off genuinely, eyes staring deep into his the whole time. He held your hair back, guiding your head to bob up and down on him. He threw his head back, moaning shamelessly despite being aware of the cheap hotel walls as he recieved what felt like one of the best blowjobs he's ever had.

It didn't take long for him to cum spilling down your throat.

“Shit, I'm sorry,” he took out his dick as you choked on his cum, the remainder of it spurting on your lips and cheeks. You coughed a little but swallowed his cum. Mingyu looked at you with wide eyes, realising what you did.

You grab a tissue paper from the bedside table and wipe your mouth. You flash him a smile, “I'll take a quick shower and then we could continue watching another movies while eating the take outs. Why don't you pick this time?”

“Aren't you going for the drinks by the bonfire with the rest of the team?” Mingyu asks dumbly.

“Nahh, I'll pass. Soonyoung and Chan always end up getting super drunk, causing a mess,” you say, getting up to head to the shower.

If Mingyu saw a super wet spot in your shorts and that made his dick twitch, it's nobody's business.

Though he would be down to give you a head if you needed it after your shower. Isn't that what the besties do after all!

[simplylupin]

Vertigo and Eddie Diaz

because the connection has been made between eddie's current arc and hitchcock's vertigo, i thought i'd give my two cents on the topic as a mediocre film student whose had to study vertigo for two years of her life

so here's a basic (very over-simplified) summary of vertigo for those who are unfamiliar

The protagonist, Scottie, is a policeman who took a break/was discharged/retired because he couldn't save a fellow police officer from falling off a building to his death

Because of this he suffers from vertigo and/or fear of heights

He's hired by his old friend Gavin to follow Gavin's wife, Madeline, for fear that she's been possessed by someone called Carlotta Valdez

He does so, and slowly falls in love with Madeline - and her him

We also learn that Scottie's best friend Midge is in love with him, but he's too obsessed with Madeline to notice Midge

Him and Madeline go to a church bell tower where Madeline seemingly offs herself by jumping off

Some time later, Scottie goes to Madeline's old hotel room, and finds a woman called Judy who looks exactly like Madeline

She agrees to go on a date with him

We, the audience, find out that Judy actually is Madeline (and vise versa). She was hired by Gavin to pretend to be Madeline.

Scottie grows more and more obsessed, forcing Judy to change her appearance to look like Madeline

He makes the connection that Madeline and Judy are the same person, and drives her to the bell tower

He forces her up the tower, over coming his fear of heights

Once at the top, they have a confrontation

A nun appears, scaring Judy and she once more falls to her death (really this time)

So, from what I've gathered, the loose connection between characters is:

Scottie = Eddie

Madeline = Shannon

Midge = Buck

Judy = Kim

The Nun = Marisol

Scottie's unable to save his fellow police officer. Eddie was unable to 'save' the people he pulled out the helicopter: "I pulled them out. But I didn't save them." Because of this he suffers from immense guilt and PTSD (as seen in his season 5 arc). He's unable to move on and this hinders him to a certain extent - just like Scottie.

After Shannon's death, he's thrown through the loop again, with the added bonus of him not having been able to save her too. Scottie's job was to save Madeline, and he failed at that, resulting in her 'death'.

Eddie is constantly trying to find a woman to fill that role of Shannon in his and Christopher's life; we see this with both Ana and now Marisol. He's looking for her in them. Scottie does the same - he visits the places he went with Madeline, he goes to her old room.

Eddie finds Kim, Scottie finds Judy.

For a little while, Judy helps Scottie get over and get closure on Madeline. She fills that empty space and allows him to move on. This is what I think Kim is going to do for Eddie.

She looks so much like Shannon but she simply isn't her. We know in later episodes that Buck is going to meet her and proclaim that she's "nothing like Shannon." There's a clear distinction there - Eddie is only seeing Shannon in her because he wants to, because he's still holding onto that idea. I think Kim is going to be the closing point of this ongoing search for Shannon's 'replacement'; someone who looks exactly like Shannon should be perfect, right? But when she too doesn't 'fill' that role that surely must spark some sort of realisation in Eddie, because if not her then who.

For Scottie, he feels betrayed by Judy. He brings her to the last place he saw Madeline, and ultimately, indirectly, causes her death. Obviously I don't believe Kim is actually going to die, but more the idea of her. She's the final chapter of him pursuing Shannon's ghost.

Midge is Scottie's best friend. They met in college and were engaged for a few weeks before breaking up. They spend a lot of time together, staying at each other's houses and going out. She helps Scottie through his vertigo and acrophobia, and tries to 'bring him back' in his grief. At one point, Midge paints her face onto a painting of Carlotta Valdez, showing that she's there and ready for Scottie's love, if he's willing to give it to her.

I believe, in this scenario, Buck takes on her role (for seemingly obvious reasons). Him and Eddie are best friends, they do so much together, he helps Eddie when he's struggling etc etc. Midge is the idea of the 'other woman', someone who is right in front of Scottie's eyes, someone whose always been there for him. However, Scottie is too obsessed and fixated on Madeline that he can't see this and continually brushes it away. You see where I'm going here...

Although Buck potentially doesn't even realize it himself, he has taken on Shannon's role in the Diaz family for years. Eddie already has the 'replacement' for Shannon that he's so desperately been searching for right in front of his eyes.

In Vertigo, Judy and Madeline are the same person, whereas Shannon and Kim are obviously not. However, the comparison still stands.

Scottie meets Judy and immedietely latches onto her because she looks so much like Madeline (duh) and he is so desperate for anything that'll keep Madeline's memory with him. He makes her undergo a series of phsyical changes (dyeing her hair, changing her wardrobe, her style etc etc) so that she appears more like Madeline - so he can get that closure and pretend.

Eddie clearly isn't going to do this to Kim. However, whatever way you spin it, he is projecting Shannon onto her. He saw her, and thought of Shannon, he pursued her because of that, he's doing all this because of Shannon. He is chasing that closure and that moment were he can be like 'Ah. I've finally found someone who can be Shannon for me and Chris.'

I doubt Kim is going to be around particularly long. As much as it sounds diminishing, she really is just a tool for Eddie to have this realization that nobody can replace Shannon, and that that's okay. He doesn't need to find Shannon 2.0.

Now, in Vertigo, when Scottie and Judy are arguing on the bell tower, a nun appears from the shadows and startles them - causing Judy to fall to her death. It's a very abrupt and out of nowhere.

The character of the nun, I think could represent either one of two things. Marisol, as we know, used to be a nun (i'm still not over this btw). That's a pretty straight-forward, clear cut comparison. The nun causes Judy to die, Marisol causes 'Shannon', and the idea of Shannon, to 'die'. This interpretation leans more heavily on Marisol and Eddie staying together, however, so I'm not sure.

The nun could also just represent religion as a whole, and Eddie's Catholic guilt particularly. Eddie tells Bobby that he only really married Shannon because he felt like he had to, he felt pressured into it because of his religious guilt. Despite this, "There was still a part of me that loved being married to her."

There's no doubt in my mind that Eddie loved Shannon. He did, they loved each other, and he still does love her - he always will. I do think that the choice of focussing on his marriage to her and how he "loved being married to her" is interesting though, he doesn't try to clarify that he was in love with her. This could just be because it's a given orrr

Whatever, not really the point.

The point is, the fact he's now "awakened" his Catholic guilt by finding out Marisol was a nun, must mean something for his upcoming arc. In Vertigo, the nun kills Judy. Here, his religious guilt 'kills' the idea of Shannon??

I'll definitely have more ideas about this later but this was my word vomit for now! Let me know what you think please.

(Also something I find funny is that the actress of Madeline/Judy is called Kim!)

[marymoss1971]

August Prompt

A character wakes up and realizes they have no memory of the past week. What happened?

Any Star Trek Voyager character. Crossovers with other Treks are welcome. Any length.

If posting on AO3, please submit your story to the Voyager Writing Games Prompts collection and to this post.  Don’t forget you can use any of the prompts at any time.

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

[wip!] the art & science of parenting || jay park

a/n: hellaur everyoneeee here's a lil summary & drabble into another wip i'm working on rn,,,i had this idea in the back of my head for SO incredibly long (im talking since 2021 pls) and decided to finally go for it :') so here's a lil peek for the time being to prove i'm still alive heh. i hope you guys like this concept,,,idk why but i really envisioned jay in this trope maybe because i plan on making it very fun & lighthearted but mixed in with some serious & angsty tones...we shall seeeee....you know i love my college!aus and e2l!aus heheh anyways saur sorry im yapping now! lmk what you think & if you want to be tagged !!

genre: jay x female!reader, fluff, comedy, college!au, enemies to lovers!au, parenting!au (parenting a robot baby LMAO), sum angst maybe, both reader & jay are smartasses who don't know how to communicate and confront their feelings , also a bit of photographer!jay :')

summary: The Art & Science of Parenting 101 (PSY1009) – In this interactive course, students will explore the psychological, social, and biological foundations of parenthood. Through a mix of theory and hands-on practice, you'll master the art of raising a simulated baby—aka the 'robot child.' Late-night feedings, tantrum taming, and crisis control are all part of the deal. What you didn’t expect to be part of the deal? Getting paired with Jay Park—the last person you’d trust to raise, well, anything. You’re pretty sure he couldn’t even take care of a pet rock. Now, you’re stuck co-parenting this robot baby together for 40% of your final grade.  Warning: Sleep deprivation is guaranteed. And maybe, just maybe, some unexpected feelings for your disaster of a partner. Good luck!

longer drabble under cut! <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・

"Y/N and Jay."  

Wait. What?  

Your head snaps up so fast it's a miracle it didn't pop off your neck and roll away.  

You blink. You must have misheard.  

"Y/N and Jay," Professor Kim repeats as if she could read your confused expression, voice too nonchalant for the life-wrecking news she's about to deliver: "You two are partners."  

The words hit you like a bus. No, not even. The words hit you like a bus driven by a T-Rex that flips over, crashes into a building, and explodes into a million ashy pieces. And there you are—standing right in the middle of the wreckage, somehow still alive to suffer through every second of it—while Jay, smug as ever, whips around in his seat to face you.  

And of course, there it is: that look of his that screams 'This is going to be so much fun for me, and so much pain for you.' 

"Guess we're parents now, Y/N!" Jay chimes, his voice dripping with so much sarcastic enthusiasm you swear he just got handed an Oscar for Most Annoying Human. If that tone were a substance, you'd bottle it up and use it as insect repellent. On him. Repeatedly.  

You blink at him, you're sure—you're praying—this has to be some elaborate prank. Maybe Jay bribed Professor Kim with his rare attempt at turning in an assignment on time just to mess with you. Or maybe the universe just hates you and this is your karma for stealing your roommate's last ramen packet that one time a year ago.  

But no, Professor Kim keeps rattling off other pairs like it's business as usual, as if your entire academic career and sanity isn't currently being flushed down a metaphorical toilet, while you sit there, paralyzed, your brain rapidly melting into a useless puddle from the sheer thought of being paired with him.  

"What's wrong, Y/N?" Jay teases as he leans over the back of his chair towards you. "You don't want to play house with me?"  

You narrow your eyes at him, mentally wielding your imaginary bug spray like it's a holy weapon. "I don’t," you reply flatly. "In fact, I’d rather perform open-heart surgery on myself with a plastic spoon than co-parent with you." 

Jay’s eyes light up as his hand goes to his heart. "Aw, you really know how to make a guy feel special. This is why I like our little relationship, you know?" 

"Relationship?" You scoff loud enough to make the people sitting three rows behind you to glance in your direction. "The only thing we have in common is a shared oxygen supply." 

"See, that’s the spirit," he says, turning back to face the front like he didn't just ruin your life. And somehow, that pisses you off even more. Is it his voice? His stupidly perfect hair? The fact that he breathes in your general direction? At this point, he could literally sneeze, and it would still feel like a personal attack.

Is it too late to switch majors? Or schools? Maybe even countries? Surely, restarting your entire college career as a super senior would be better than spending the next six weeks parenting with Jay. Jay Park, who has probably never held anything more fragile than a Red Solo Cup.  

Jay Park, who is just sitting there, all calm and collected, clearly loving every second of your misery.  

While you're frozen in pure, unadulterated horror.  

Your grade? Plummeting as we speak.  Your robot baby? Probably going to need therapy by day two.  And you?  

You're screwed. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・

decided to go for a longer sneak peek than usual bc im very excited about this one heh :) i also changed up my title image formatting..trying out smth new !!!

lmk if you want to be tagged!

<3, addie

[grissomesque]

Well. It seems I've found myself on the voyage of the damned.

TREKTOBER 2023: Spooky 🎵: The Killing Moon

[orphiclovers]

Here's a headcanon/theory: Kim Dokja has been to therapy pre-scenarios.

There's a couple of reasons I think this. First, it's likely that as an underage witness of a murder he was assigned a child psychologist, at least for the duration of the case and court proceedings. And after he was adopted by his relatives, I think they would definitely recommend to take him to psychological counseling for the severe trauma he suffered at such a young age.

And they probably did. No matter how neglectful they might have turned out as Kim Dokja got older, they had accepted him and this would have been common sense, recommended to them by the court, and would reflect badly on them if they didn't follow through.

Second, he must have seen a psychiatrist after his suicide attempt as a teenager. Also an extreme scenario where there would be pressure on his relatives to do something about his mental health.

And thirdly, just the way he acts? Whenever he's in a stressful situation, his most common reaction is 'take deep breaths and staying calm'. He does this CONSTANTLY. Here's just some examples.

This FEELS like 'I've been to therapy and they taught me to do breathing exercises there'. His singular ability to stay calm during all kinds of stressful scenarios is one of the big reasons kimcom relies on him so much. And even when that fails and he has a flashback, when the Fourth Wall stabilizes him, the first thing he does is control his breathing again.

[daengtokki]

serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 10.6k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: angst, sex, self harm mention, abuse mention, medication usage, hallucinations

SYNOPSIS: Seungmin floats through life alone, haunted by his memories—keeping himself under control, and quieting his mind the only way he knows how…killing and watching the life leave his victims eyes. When you cross his path on a morning hunt, something new (something forgotten) starts to move inside of him, leading both of you on a path to confront the unspeakable past.

˗ˋˏ♡ Please support and reblog if you enjoy! Reblogs help your favorite writers on Tumblr! ˎˊ˗

[ ML — DEITY MASTERLIST ]

seungmin-ah! mo! haha…come here, you know you’re in trouble!

whyyy? I didn’t do anything umma

are you sure? let’s go look at what you didn’t do…let’s go look at that empty plate, sweetheart

I didn’t eat those cakes

oh? did daengmo eat them? I know he has a sweet tooth, just like you…

His eyes open slowly. Everything is a blur as Seungmin tries to look around him, but it’s so dark. He blinks, and a tear runs to the corner of his eye. The first thing he latches onto, the closest thing, is your arm. His fingers close gently around your wrist as he finds himself.

Min?

He lets go and pulls at the collar of his shirt in an attempt to wipe his face dry.

“Seungmin…it’s okay.” You grab his hand and wait for him to look at you. Eyes still wet with tears, he lays back down and stares at the ceiling. “Just a nightmare, you’re okay now.”

“Not a nightmare.” Seungmin breathes deep, and his eyes dart back and forth in the dark as he remembers. “Just a memory, I think.”

The bedroom is cold. Outside, it’s abnormally cold. You feel a shiver move through him as you run your hand up and down his forearm—there’s another blanket in the chest, but first, you have to brave the icy floor to get it. “Be right back.” You slide out from under the covers and wince when your feet hit the hardwood and tiptoe the rest of the way there.

“What are you doing out there?”

You swing the creaky lid open and dig around for the heaviest one you can find. “I want that flannel blanket…oh, this one.” The lid comes down faster and heavier than you intend, and the sound feels unimaginably loud cutting through the middle-of-the-night silence. “Sorry…” The music box lets a note free, and then another. You look up at it, and the lid is propped open. Seungmin must have been in there, you think. There are a few dried flowers scattered inside and around it when you gently close it.

“It’s okay,” Seungmin says, and you can see his smile as your eyes adjust to the darkness. When you jump back in, he holds the covers open to show you exactly where he wants you. His body is warm, but the goosebumps are still all over his arms.

“January is awful”

“You told me you liked winter”

“I like this,” you squeeze him and push your face into his chest. “Tell me about your dream.”

The soft sounds of a guitar wake you. G chord, C, G, D—whatever it is, it’s simple…and it’s nice. You wait and listen for a few minutes as the music builds, hoping you might finally hear him sing. Seungmin keeps you on edge, though. He stops, so you roll over and look at him.

“Finally,” he sets the guitar back on its stand.

“Finally what?”

“You looked so comfortable over there, I was getting jealous”

“Oh, you couldn’t get back to sleep?”

Seungmin stands and stretches. His sweatpants hang low on his hips, and his sweatshirt is pulled up just enough for you to catch his belly button, until he tugs at the hem, “I did for a little while.”

You pull the covers down, “so get back in.”

“It’s noon”

“Then sing something for me, don’t you think I’ve suffered enough?”

A month living under his roof, and making him laugh is still a treat. It’s not quite as rare as it used to be, but Seungmin still has his days, his nights, and his moments of uneasiness and agitation in your shared space.

~

“How long have you lived in this big apartment all by yourself?” You asked him a few weeks ago. There never seems to be a good time for most of these little questions, so you force them in whenever you can, and whenever you remember. Whenever you think he might answer them.

“Almost five years, I was nineteen when I moved in”

“That answers another burning question.” Do you tell him now that you’re older than him, or wait until he asks? You doubt he’ll care. “All alone, no other roommates?”

He gives you a look and raises an eyebrow. “Is that what you are? My roommate?”

“I’m not not your roommate”

“Do I make you feel like my roommate?”

It’s a sweet, introspective question for him. Seungmin doesn’t talk very much, but when you get him going, he’s good at keeping up. Sometimes, you do feel like his roommate, because some nights he falls asleep on the couch, and sometimes you do the same, depending on where his head has been that day. There have been days when Seungmin hasn’t spoken a single word to you.

~

“Is that a no?” His face says a lot, but it doesn’t answer your question, “no song for me?”

The bottom of his sweatshirt is suddenly very interesting. He pulls it more and squeezes the fabric in his fist as he tries to avoid your gaze. “Uhm…I’ve never sung for anyone before. I wouldn’t know what to sing anyway. I don’t know what you’d want to hear.”

The shyness might be an act, but it’s cute, and you like it. “You can sing me the alphabet, I don’t care. A nursery rhyme. Your favorite song.” Seungmin’s face turns so red, that you almost change the subject completely. Pushing him has gotten easier, but you’re still careful. You resist the urge to ask if his mother sang him anything as a child, considering last night's dream, and the tears he tried to hide.

“I’ll think about it, my favorite…and maybe I will tonight”

“Really?”

He nods, and his phone starts to vibrate somewhere on the bed. You can feel it, and just as you shove your hand beneath his pillow, Seungmin’s slips under, too, and he gets there first.

Annyeonghaseyo, he says quietly and walks toward the balcony window.

You’ve continued your language classes because you have no job and nothing else to fill your time. Any reason to get out of the house and give him his space is welcome, even if it is only three days a week. You’re no good yet, but the point is, you notice he answered formally, and very unlike how he typically sounds, and you’re curious. He very rarely speaks to anyone on the phone.

When he hangs up, he keeps his gaze down toward his phone and types something, and then he sighs one of his sighs—a little exaggerated, and very him. You love his sighs because it’s one of the few signals he gives you when something is bothering him.

“Did you eat breakfast, are you hungry?” Seungmin never asks anything of you; he likes to cook, and he seems to be naturally tidy. He never makes messes…well, usually. “I can make us something…American.” You head toward his keyboard and run a finger over it. It’s off, so you press one of the keys.

“American? Steak and eggs and potatoes?” He’s still distracted by something on his phone, but he must be hungry. He knows what he wants.

“Yeah, I just need to go get some steak”

“Can you? I have to…uh,” he scratches his head. “I have something I need to do.” He sees your face change. “Not that, something else.”

“Yeah, of course.” Something to do with his phone call, and whatever he’s been doing on the phone, you assume. You'll find out later, hopefully.

The bus is crowded, but he braves it. Sometimes he likes to be a little more anonymous, and this is the best way to do that. The office building is only a dozen or so blocks away from his building, but it’s too cold for a long walk.

“Do you have an appointment?” The woman behind the desk doesn’t pay much attention to Seungmin until his soft yes, I do hits her ears. The look she gives him turns bashful and flirtatious, but it doesn’t do much for him. “Your name?”

“Kim Seung Min”

“Date of birth?”

“September twenty-second…two-thousand”

“Oh here you are, it was just added…Dr…oh, Dr. Mun”

There’s only one doctor in this building who specializes in what Seungmin needs, and the receptionist has no tact when she realizes it. She avoids his gaze as she finishes typing and granting him access. “Ninth—“

“I know where it is”

/ / /

“Seungmin, how have you been?” Her heels click as she walks across the dark wood floor, and it’s a little hypnotizing. “Can I still call you Seungmin, or should we go back to formal? It’s been quite a while.”

The click click stops when she sits, but returns with the slightly more annoying sound of the pen. It’s weird being back in this room, but it feels familiar still—the smell, the lights, the colors. “Seungmin is fine. I don’t like being spoken to formally.”

“Yes, I do remember that now. Please, tell me how things have been. I know I’m not your usual therapist, but you haven’t gone to a session with him in over a year, so…”

“It wasn’t helping”

“I know you feel-“

“It wasn’t. Every session made me feel worse, and he had no sympathy for anything I managed to dig up.”

“Okay. Have you been back home lately?”

His heart races, and it’s too warm in here. Seungmin slides out of his jacket and pulls at the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “Last month.”

“How was it, did you…want to talk about any of that? Was she there for you still?”

He manages a nod. She’s always there. She’s everywhere, but there…that’s where she truly is.

“Not to switch subjects so quickly, but…” she says as her eyes travel over him, “what happened here?” Dr. Mun taps her pen to her neck, “I only ask because it looks very painful.”

The bruise you gave him two nights ago; the one he begged you for, even as you squeezed to the point of him nearly passing out. It’s probably at its worst right now. You’re stronger than you look. He sets his hand over it, pushes a little, and savors the pain still there.

“And because I know you’ve hurt yourself in the past. Is that was this is?”

It might be easier to lie and tell her he did it to himself, because talking about you wasn’t supposed to be part of this today. He’s only here because she threatened to hold the medication he actually uses. Seungmin shakes his head, though.

“Someone else did it?”

He nods.

“Because you asked them to, I assume? Do you trust this person?”

Does he trust you? He must. You share a bed, and you’re feet away from his knife. He took you home with him and let you listen in as he spoke to someone you couldn’t see, and you haven’t questioned him about it. Seungmin begs you to bite and cut and choke him, which you do, and all of your time in between is spent waiting and longing for something more. He knows that.

“Yes, I do”

“As long as I’ve been your doctor, three years, you’ve been by yourself…single. Is that no longer the case?” She tries to read his facial cues and his fidgeting hands. “Maybe it’s nothing serious, hm? Just casual? That’s also good, because you’re letting someone in, even in some small way. You trust someone besides yourself. That’s great, considering you haven’t been keeping up with your medication.”

“So I don’t need it”

“One good step doesn’t make everything better. I’m glad you came and saw me at such short notice, and I know you want the lorazepam to help you sleep, but I would also like your word that you’ll try the Haldol. I’ll write your new prescription, but please…just give it some time.

Hopefully, the smell of a very late breakfast brightens him up, because Seungmin didn’t seem happy when he left earlier. One thing he seems to respond to when nothing else works is food.

He walks in wordlessly, takes off his jacket, and tosses it on the couch. There’s no change in his facial expression. It’s as if he left, and then walked right back in. But he doesn’t look more upset, thankfully; just blank. He’s feeling nothing, or trying his best to look like he’s feeling nothing.

“Hey…Min.” You look at the paper bag clutched in his hand, and it’s easy to figure out what could be inside. You came back a little bit ago with the same one. “Foods all ready.”

The smile isn’t forced, “okay,” but it’s not easy, either. “I’ll be right back out.”

Seungmin doesn’t close the door, so you try to peek in from where you stand. All you can see is the bed, but you do hear the rustle of his bag, and the subtle sound of full pill bottles as he sets them on his table. So if you have any deduction skills at all—the phone call was from his doctor, or his therapist, or something along those lines. The hour and a half he was gone was spent with one of them, and then he stopped at the pharmacy a block down the street for his prescriptions. Easy enough. You hope he’ll feel comfortable enough to tell you all of this on his own.

Before he comes out, you hear the pop of a lid, and the shake of one of the bottles against his hand. When he comes back out, he takes the coffee you hold out for him and swallows one, or both, of his pills.

“It smells good,” he says, and he stays there. Seungmin stares at you.

“Good. Are you alright?” You try not to stare back, but each time you look up, he’s still looking. “Did you do what you had to do?”

“I did”

“Did I do that?” The bruise on the side of his neck pops out at you. It’s big and dark against the white of his shirt collar. Seungmin doesn’t move when you reach out and touch it. “Does it still hurt?”

“Yes, and yes.” He sets his hand over yours and rubs it against the spot. “It feels good.”

“Seungmin?”

He stops but keeps his hand on yours. The doctor’s words are ringing through his head as he watches your eyes dart back and forth between his. How much does he actually trust you? How far has he let you in, and how much has he given of himself? Too much? Enough to keep you here? “Yeah?” You don’t ask him a lot of personal questions.

What if you did ask him about his appointment? Would it be that bad? If he took his medication like you assume he just did a moment ago, broaching the subject should be even easier. That’s not the only subject you need to broach with him, though.

“Did you have a doctor’s appointment?

His eyes answer you before you hear the soft mhm.

“How did it go?” At any moment you expect him to let go of your hand and retreat, but he doesn’t.

“It was okay. Uhm…that medicine makes me very tired, so if I fall asleep, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you can sleep all day if you need to. But eat something first.”

/ / /

The space between wakefulness and sleep is much too big. Seungmin is stuck in it—he knows that...he feels it. Like twilight in the backyard after a hot summer day. You turned the heat up a little, but you also laid the blanket over him and pulled it up past his bruised neck.

It feels good; the soft warmth of the couch, and the silky pillow under his head. And he can see you from here, moving back and forth in his vision, disappearing and reappearing as you…well, he’s not sure what you’re doing. He likes watching you, though.

“Hey, you’ve been out for a while”

Your voice floats to him, and it takes an extra moment before he grasps what you say. Seungmin nods.

“There’s some water here if you need it”

He opens his eyes fully and looks at your smiling face. Why are you so happy? No, not happy. Smiling, yes, but your eyes give you away. “Thank you.” Seungmin feels your lips on his temple, then on his cheek. Why? There’s nothing here worth loving. He’s just an empty shell. “Thank you.”

“You’ll feel better soon. Close your eyes and sleep a little more.”

Thankfully, he does.

It’s completely dark when he wakes again, and so quiet that it puts him into a sudden panic. He’s still asleep, and he’s back in his nightmare. His heart races, and he can practically smell the dirt…until he realizes he’s not alone. Seungmin moves his leg, and his foot slides over your thigh. You’re here…asleep, curled up in the small space he left at the end of the couch. He moves his foot over you again, hoping to wake you, and it works.

You close your hand around his ankle, “hey sleepyhead…”

“What time is it?”

“Good question,” you tap your phone screen and squint at it. “Just after midnight.”

“Fuck, I slept all day?”

He did, and while he slept, you checked to see if he was still on the same medication, the same dosage. Haldol and Xanax. Seungmin took one of each earlier, and his body never stood a chance against it. You also took care of your own problems while he was out, and finally getting it out of the way calmed you a little.

“You just have to adjust, that’s all…yeah?”

Seungmin still feels like he’s floating. He sits up more, and looks at you. It's too dark, and he can't see you very well, so he moves closer. “It won’t fix me.”

“No, you’re not broken." You don't know if Seungmin knows you know exactly what he's taking, but he's smart enough to realize you're going to look around any chance you get, because he did it to you with your backpack. Both of you, quiet, tiptoeing around each other to find answers instead of asking.

"No?" He moves closer still, and practically puts himself in your lap.

/ / /

Something sweet…you said, walking to each corner of the kitchen and collecting things. He needs something sweet to eat, that will make him feel better. The smell of cinnamon and apples made it to him as he showered, and that alone did make him feel a little better.

“It hasn’t been back lately, but…” he looks at the perfect baked apple in front of him and cuts it in half.

“What hasn’t?”

“The noise, the itch. It’s been a while.”

“Is that bad?” You noticed, of course, that he hasn’t left the house lately with the urge to find someone. He hasn’t come home with anyone. The idea that you somehow changed something in him hasn’t crossed your mind, because it’s silly—what you have done, maybe, is filled up those spaces in his mind that were once left to their own devices. Seungmin has already told you he’s been here, alone, for years, and that the company he’s kept has never lasted beyond the hour they arrived. "Or is that good?"

“I’m worried it’ll come back, and be worse”

“Has that happened before? Has it gone away, and built up to something bigger?”

Seungmin takes a big bite of his apple, and the taste hitting his tongue makes him smile. Yes, it has happened, but he was a teenager then, and he lacked self-control. It’s not something he wants to think about, or talk about right now. But he nods. “This is very good, thank you.”

“We’ll deal with it when the time comes, if it does”

Will you? It seemed sincere, the way you said it, and the way you looked at him.

we’ll deal with it

we

we?

Too much sleep is weighing on him now. Seungmin felt so tired as he ate the dessert you made for dinner, and while he struggled to brush his teeth. Now the sleep eludes him—but he’s comfortable, at least. You bought new flannel sheets, and new pillows, so the bed hasn’t felt this soft and warm in a long time. And you, you’re sound asleep a few inches away, content. Seungmin likes to stare, discreetly if he can manage, and so often he’s spent far too long watching you. He doesn’t do it while you sleep. This morning, he got right up and went about his day, not concerning himself with how late you stayed in bed. Not until he got bored. You’re usually up before him, so he missed a perfect opportunity to look at you without worrying about getting caught and making you uncomfortable.

The first time he saw you on the street, he did think you were pretty. He doesn’t typically interact with foreigners, or tourists, despite speaking English fluently, but seeing you changed that. Seungmin still can’t figure out why. Maybe if he bothered to ask a single thing about you, he could figure something out. Where are you from, and why are you still here after weeks of sometimes being paid attention to? Today, despite him sleeping for nearly all of it, was probably good for you.

Seungmin drops his gaze when you shift. Your hand slides up the sheet and stops just short of his. He watches it for a moment…and his pinky twitches. You never have trouble sleeping next to him, even though he nearly killed you. That night still lives at the front of his memory, and it replays over and over sometimes. It’s replaying for him right now, because you looked just like this—like you were sleeping.

He moves a little closer, and his hand slides over yours. You groan, but your eyes remain closed. Seungmin says your name, softly, because he isn’t sure he wants you to hear, but…he wants you awake with him. One more whisper, and he sees your lashes shift as your eyes start to move.

“Seungmin?” Before you even look around, you call for him. “Did you say my name?”

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

Your sleepy laugh makes his stomach flutter, and he almost turns away. He has to force himself to stay put.

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

The warmth of your hand on his cheek sets his stomach in motion again, and he doesn’t like the feeling. It’s too much. Seungmin closes his eyes when you don’t take yours off of him. Touching comes easy for you, but you don’t do it often—Seungmin wonders if that's his fault...if his distance keeps you away. You mean it when you do touch him, though, like right now. Like when you wake up tangled together, as if your unconscious bodies can’t stay separated.

“Can’t sleep? That makes sense. What time is it?”

“Four o’clock”

“We could go for a walk”

“It’s freezing out”

“We could… go to that all-night cafe and try all the cakes”

“That’s tempting, but…” the flutter in his stomach turns to butterflies as he reaches out for you. “The bed is nice and warm,” he moves closer, close enough to tuck himself against you and fill himself up with your scent. You still smell the same as you did before; that deep, dark floral scent—flowers that only bloom when the sun goes down. Moonflowers, and night phlox. He wants to tell you that. Seungmin wants to tell you he gave you the wrong flowers, and that he needs to find you the right ones.

“We can stay up. I’ll stay awake with you.”

“You will?”

“I’ll try my best”

Seungmin looks up at you, and his eyes make you feel like you’re melting. He pulls back just enough to still share your pillow. “Do you really not want to go back home?” He knows it’s a heavy question, but how else can he start?

“Do you want me to?”

He watches as the color drains from your face. “No…did I word that wrong? No, I don’t want that.”

“Then no, I don’t want to go back home. I promise you, I don't.”

“Where is home? Was…where was home?”

“A town called Point Pleasant”

“Pleasant?” He smiles. “Point Pleasant.”

“Yeah, Uljin reminded me of it, a little. The woods, and the feeling it gave me.”

“Why did you leave? I know you told me before, when we had lunch…is that the only reason?” You close your eyes and think, and Seungmin watches every tiny movement of your face. “Maybe it is, I’m sorry.”

“No, it wasn’t”

“We don’t have to talk about it”

“There was no ex, but I was trying to get away from...uhm, everyone else. I lied to you."

“Why did you lie?” Seungmin whispers, because he can feel something change in the way you speak. You sound on the brink of tears, but you’re also hiding from him. "You can tell me, it's okay."

“I lied about my job, and about needing help getting home. I lied about how long I've been in Seoul. I wanted to seem more interesting, more helpless than I was. You seemed hard to impress, and I didn’t know why someone as good-looking as you was even talking to me. I still don’t.”

“You don’t?”

You shake your head.

“I should be the only one wondering that.” He can’t bring himself to ask why you had to run from everyone, and why running to him turned into your solution. He doesn't care about your lies, though. His whole life is built on lying to himself and to everyone else. “Close your eyes. Sleep."

“No, I’ll stay up”

“Close your eyes, I’ll be right behind you.”

/ / /

he is right behind you. and he’s fast, so much faster. the unbearable sound of mud underfoot as you slip and try desperately to gain some purchase, but you don’t know this ground like he does…and it’s dark but it’s midday, you think. you don’t dare look behind you, though, because he’ll be there when you do. free of the pine trees, at least, and there’s some light trying desperately to get through the clouds. the only thing standing is the shed. barely standing. it’s quiet. he stopped. maybe he turned back. but you have to hide. the shed is the only place.

the inside is somehow worse. everything is visible through the cracks in the wooden slats, so you watch the woods. the mud grabs your boots, and you’re pulled in even more as you try to move. a twig snaps, a cloud of warm breath sneaks past your ear. you can smell it.

seungmin? your voice is shaky. he likes how scared you are.

another breath tickles your ear, so you decide to look. you should at least face him when he jumps, right?

you turn, slowly, and move your eyes up a long white snout until you find them…two black eyes, shiny and sad, ready to swallow you up. a growl from his chest, and then every sharp tooth is out.

no, you promised

“Hey…hey, relax”

The voice comes from the big white dog, or seems to.

“Please, it’s me…open your eyes”

Something wet on your neck, your throat. Breath? No, warm lips. Why hasn’t he ripped you apart, what is he waiting for?

“I know, you’re stuck…it’s okay”

Finally, something shifts and you finally open your eyes. Two big black ones stare back at you, unblinking.

“No! Don’t touch me!”

Seungmin releases his grip on your wrist and backs away. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry. You’re okay now. You were dreaming.”

You pull yourself up against the pillows, bringing the blankets with you as you fold yourself up. The collar of your shirt is soaked through with sweat, and you swear you can smell the fear coming off of you. Seungmin keeps his distance, but his eyes never leave you—they take in every movement as you fidget and pull yourself even tighter together.

“…just a bad dream. Really bad. You were, uh—“

“I was what?” You look around the room, and try to gauge the time by the amount of light coming in. It’s still early in the morning, you think. A few hours ago you were awake and talking with him.

“You said my name, and you were crying. Did I hurt you?”

“No.” But he was going to. “I’m not sure.”

“Maybe you can tell me about it later, when it doesn’t feel so real anymore”

“Yeah”

Seungmin wants to assure you that he won’t hurt you, but he’s not certain how to tell you again. He doesn’t blame you for being afraid, though, even after everything. “You said…no, you promised. Were you saying that to me?”

You don’t answer.

“I’ll go make coffee”

He pulls the door closed and leaves you alone with your thoughts, but you don’t want this quiet, either. Maybe he’ll come back if you call for him. No, he’ll absolutely come back if you call for him.

But you don’t. You look around the sun-filled room like you’re searching for a clue. Everything is the same as it’s been for weeks, and he’s the same, so why is your head suddenly betraying you? You stand on sore, shaky legs and feel yourself floating toward the door. Seungmin’s back is to you at the kitchen counter, white tshirt hanging loosely on his shoulders. The sun is bright in here, too, and you can practically see through him as he moves around like water. He stretches and rolls his neck, lifts his shirt, and you’re hypnotized by the sight of his back, the paleness of his winter skin as he pulls it over his head. Seungmin shakes the hair from his face as he turns, and he catches you there, peeking from the open doorway.

“Hi.” He holds his shirt against his torso as you examine him, as if he has something to hide. His faded orange bangs fall right back in his face. The dark roots have grown out significantly in such a short time, but he hasn’t been out much, and he hasn’t had a reason to change anything.

“I can trim your hair for you, if you’d like”

/ / /

It’s a little awkward at first, setting him down and running your fingers through his damp hair, both of you staring at each other in the bathroom mirror. You insisted on the conditioning treatment, mostly so you could wet him down in the bathtub, run it through his hair, and touch him a little more than you have lately. He smirked the entire time, probably feeling overwhelmed by the intimacy.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks the mirrored version of you. “I know how dreams can mess with your head.”

“A little.” You snip a few times, comb through it, snip again. “I’ll be okay.”

“Have you done this before?”

“I used to cut my own, and my sisters. It’s been a while, though.”

“Why did you do your own hair?”

“Haircuts were expensive”

He nods, not needing any more explanation than that, and he lets you continue cutting. “It was me, in your dream?”

“I think so. I mean, my dream self thought it was you.” Seungmin is confused, you can see that. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to explain it.”

“That’s okay, I doubt I could explain mine either.” He watches his hair fall on the white tile, piece by piece. “Even though they’re always the same.”

“Mine are never quite the same, except for the…except for the shed. And the mud. The smell.”

Seungmin looks up at you before your next cut. “The what?”

You think as you tousle his hair, and find a few more spots to trim in the back.

“The smell. Do you smell things in your dreams? It’s always wet and gross, like decay. Sometimes it stays stuck in my nose even after I wake up.”

“Shed?”

“Yeah, yeah…I think so. It was this time, for sure. I’m usually already inside when the dream starts, looking out. This time I ran inside to hide.”

“From me?”

“Sort of”

“Sort of? Either it was me or it wasn’t.”

His words come out sharp, and it goes right through you. It reminds you of the big, impatient voice he used on his last victim.

“I’m finished”

You toss the scissors in the sink and leave him there. Seungmin doesn’t speak up again before you gently close the door, and he doesn’t come out right away. Cleaning up, you assume, and then you hear him in the shower. He takes his time.

The television isn’t typically on, but this morning, you need the noise to drown out the leftover scenes playing in your head. It’s still too vivid. You turn on the news, and pretend you can understand what they’re saying. The isolated feeling doesn’t always bother you—sometimes it creeps up, and you remember everything here is foreign except for a few of your classmates, and Seungmin. If you think about it too much…

The story on the news changes, and you focus on it. Korean or not, you can figure out what’s going on; what they’re talking about, and what the footage appears to be showing. It’s a crime scene. A body was found.

Seungmin finally emerges from the bathroom, and when you glance up at him, he looks a little dejected. He combs his fingers through his damp hair, and his bangs hit just above his eyebrows. Maybe you cut it a little too short.

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Is that your body?”

“My what?”

“On the news. Is that where you dumped it?”

Seungmin turns and looks at the screen, but you can’t tell by his reaction if it’s a yes or a no. He just stares quietly, listening to every word. Eventually, he looks at you. “It’s fine. This has happened before.”

Your stomach drops. “It has? What if someone saw you?“

“Nobody saw me. You don’t have to worry, I promise.”

But you will worry. "I should dye your hair back to black." What if something happens, and you lose him? After all you’ve been through in the last few weeks…how much closer you’ve managed to get—which isn't very close, you admit. You can’t. “And I will worry. I’m not losing you.”

“Lose me?”

“I can’t”

He plays with his hair again, messes it up, and then takes a few steps toward the couch. It feels short, but it looked nice in the mirror. He’s not really worried about it. He still hasn’t felt any urges to go out and find someone, so he has no reason to look good for anyone, anyway—just you. The subject on the news changes, and you seem to relax. You look up at him and force a smile.

Seungmin sits, leaving some space between you, and he keeps his hands tucked between his thighs. “I didn't mean to snap at you.”

“Why did you? We were only talking about my dream.”

Because I’m an asshole he thinks. An impatient, insensitive pick who doesn’t deserve your kindness. Because I have has one true setting, and it’s self-sabotage. “They’re the same as mine.” He shuts his mind up and says. “Parts of them, at least. We’re dreaming of the same place, I think.”

“The shed?”

“Yes, the shed. The one next to the greenhouse.”

How did you fail to notice that? How did you not put that together? You saw it with your own eyes after seeing it several times in your head. You ran to it this morning, and looked out through the cracks in the wood. The smell. The mud you sunk into. That was the first time you were there—when you were dead on Seungmin’s bed.

“The nightmares you always have, it’s the shed?”

“Sometimes. Depends on which part of the nightmare I’m on. It replays in my mind like a movie; I’ll get some pieces one night, and then another piece the next, or a few nights later.”

“It’s always the same?”

“Little details change. And it’s not always in order, because my memory isn’t perfect, I guess.”

You see his fingers twitch, and you don’t resist the urge to reach for his hand. Seungmin squeezes yours back.

“You’re reliving a memory?”

“Yes, over and over. The worst memory. It always feels new in my head.” Saying it loud feels like a dream in itself. Having someone actually listen, and seem concerned. Having someone share in the dread that place gives him.

Do you just not remember him telling you about the shed before? He’s mentioned his nightmares, but you don’t remember him giving out any details, and when he talks in his sleep, you don’t understand him. Try as you might, you can’t actually read Seungmin’s mind.

“But it never comes together”

Do you change the subject, or assume he wants to talk about it? He looks on the verge of tears—angry ones, and you don’t want him walking through his nightmare while he’s awake. "Can I have a kiss?”

It’s been a while. Seungmin isn’t a goodnight or good morning kisser. He doesn’t sneak up behind you and peck your cheek (though sometimes, he does it when he thinks you're asleep). You have to wait for sex to get his needy, vehement mouth. That, or you have to take them yourself. You’ve only done that twice, and the first time, you had a knife to his throat.

He leans in and stops short, licks his lips…his eyes still shine with what he’s holding back…and gives you one long kiss before pulling back enough to look at you. “Just one?”

You take the second one, and Seungmin touches you. He pulls you closer, leans back against the couch, and gives you space to straddle his thighs. A kiss will almost always turn into this if you let it. Usually you do, because you want it, but not making another move right now is taking all of your energy. Still, you touch his stomach and side until his muscles twitch and tighten.

“What’s wrong?” He whispers.

“Wrong? Nothing…nothing is wrong.”

Seungmin holds you steady as he sits up again, and he places another soft kiss on your lips. “I should go take my pill.”

/ / /

The Haldol hits him again, and just like yesterday, he’s stuck and wandering around his head. You’ll adjust, you told him. He hopes you’re right because he’s never done this more than two days in a row. This isn’t how he wants to feel. But you’re here now, leaning against his shoulder, talking softly about something. What if he just told you how much having you with him right now means to him? It would get stuck in his throat, no doubt, but he could at least try.

He stops thinking for a moment, and listens.

Is there a dog in your dreams? Was there ever?

No he thinks he says… no, there was never a dog

A big white dog

No, no…he wouldn’t let me have a dog

Something runs across the room, but he only catches it in his peripheral vision. Just a shadow, bouncing on four legs…

What was that? he tries to stand, but he only makes it to the edge of the couch. Seungmin looks down at his bare feet against the gray carpet…scrunches his toes, and moves his feet against the soft fibers.

What is it? Do you want me to get you something…sweetheart

Sweetheart? Me? He sees it again. It moves slowly across the room, stops, and looks at him down its long black nose. Where did you come from?

Who? Who are you talking to? Seungmin…

He follows it around the kitchen counter, but there’s nothing there. Nothing beneath the bar. Seungmin opens the counter and looks inside, pulls out the trash can and sends it to floor.

“Seungmin, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He presses his palm to his forehead and sighs, “I don’t know.” He turns and looks at the mess he made, and kneels to clean it.

“I can clean that up, go sit down”

“I’m fine, I’m—“ You hear him sigh again. “What is this?” He reaches for something you can’t see, and then slowly gets back to his feet.

“What?” Your heart beats wildly as he turns, and you can see what he has in his hand. It was stupid of you to not tell him about it before, and you know that—you tried to wait for a good time, and the time never came. “I was going to talk to you about it…I should have told you.”

“Are you?” He looks at you, then back down to the little pink box in his hands. "Are you pregnant?"

“No, it was negative. I would have told you right away if it came back positive.”

“Negative? Why did you think you were?”

“I felt off." Tired, sick, sad...even when you open your eyes and see him in front of you. "I didn‘t know what else it could have been.”

“Do you still feel…off?”

You do, but you don’t want him to have that on his mind. Realizing you’ve been sharing dreams, one of his bodies being found, and now Seungmin seeing things in the kitchen is already too much for one day. “I’m alright...just tired.”

He’s still staring at the crumpled box in his hands, and you can tell he’s thinking, wondering, forming a question. His face gives him away—another one of his few tells. “When did you take it?”

“Yesterday, while you were asleep”

“Maybe you should take another, just to be sure”

The second test is negative. You knew it would be, because you’re starting to realize the off feeling started when you went home with him, driving through the woods, stepping foot on the ground where the shed and the greenhouse sit. You can’t explain why, and it doesn’t make logical sense, but it’s all you have for now. And the shared dreams. You’re starting to wonder exactly what happens in Seungmin’s dream. His worst memory.

He’s been standing just inside the bathroom door, watching you sit on the edge of the bathtub. You hope he doesn’t think you’re lying to him about the first result, but why else would he hover like this? Seungmin doesn’t seem the type to wait breathlessly for a different outcome. Nothing about him makes you think he wants to be a father.

But you don’t know, and you can’t assume there isn’t something inside of him that wants that. You doubt yourself more than anything. Not just doubt, you know you have no business being a mother.

You walk to the edge of the sink, but he gets there first.

“It’s negative?”

“Yes, this one is negative, too.”

He picks it up and looks at the little window, and the single pink vertical line inside.

“Are you upset? You seem…down.”

Seungmin stares for another few moments, then shakes his head. “Upset? No. We should be more careful.” He drops it into the trash can, and he’s gone before you can speak again.

“Can you please tell me what you’re feeling?” He has no business keeping quiet about something that would affect you both so massively. “Or thinking about, at least.”

“I’m not thinking about anything”

“You don’t have to hide everything from me. I know I’m still new here, but I think I deserve a little bit more of you.”

“You do...you think that?"

The silence is horrible. His stare is empty, you hope it’s just him trying to get out of this conversation, or maybe his medicine still hanging over him.

“Yes”

“You get so much of me, don’t you see that? More than I've given anyone, ever. And more than you’ve given me.”

“I wasn’t sure if you cared about what I had to give.” Your voice shakes, your throat collapses, and your attempt at a deep breath comes out as a pathetic whimper. The tears are already starting, so trying to hide them seems pointless. "But I'll tell you anything you wanna know. I'll give you anything you want."

Still, he stares, but his face changes when he sees the tears falling, and hears the tightness in your chest.

“Please, don’t cry,” he says, and it sounds so exasperated, so over everything.

Your mind reaches desperately for something good: the kiss he gave you; waking you from your nightmare; the questions he did ask last night as he cuddled up next you.

“Please…” Seungmin moves toward you, and this time, he treads a little more cautiously. “Don’t cry, please.” His hands land gently on your shoulders, and he pulls you closer. “I don’t like seeing you cry.”

You push your face into his chest, mostly to hide yourself from him, but his arms close around you.

“I’m used to hiding, and pushing back. It’s a hard habit to break.”

“I’m sorry”

“No, don’t apologize to me." He pulls you even closer. “You do deserve more.” Cereus—that sweet honey smell. That's the scent he's getting now. Tomorrow, he thinks, he'll find the flowers he needs for you.

“I was so scared to take that test, and now I’m confused. You seemed upset that it was negative, were you?”

His grip on you loosens, and he makes you look at him. “I don’t have a good answer to give you.” Or he can’t put it into words properly. Something inside of Seungmin stirred when he saw that box, and then again when you told him it was a false alarm. Whatever moves inside of him when he takes a life, it moved a little bit for this, just in the opposite direction. “Did you want it to be negative? When I saw the box, I figured the result was your reason for staying. Like you were trapped here now.”

“I wanted it to be negative because I don’t think I’d make a very good mother. And because I was afraid you’d be angry."

“Angry? No. Do I still scare you?” He pulls his shirt up and wipes at your cheeks, and he cups your face in his hands. “Don’t ever let me push you around, or treat you like you’re less. If I do, leave—go home, and leave me to rot here by myself, like I deserve.”

“Seungmin”

“I can’t turn into that person. I won’t.”

You look at him questioningly, and he notices. He sees you wanting more. After this conversation, Seungmin knows he can’t always walk away from the memories he keeps digging up. He certainly can’t do it right now, not today.

“Who treated you like that? Who pushed you around?”

A memory jumps to the front of his mind; stopping at the top of the porch steps to fix his coat zipper, yelling to his friend to wait up. Seungmin felt a hand press against his shoulder, and it pushed. He remembers the pain in his wrists from almost catching himself, and tasting blood from his busted lip…but not why he did it. Maybe Seungmin was being too loud, or just standing in his way.

“My stepfather. He was, well…he didn’t like me.”

Seungmin squeezes when you grab for him again, and he keeps you close as he tries to stop the sting of tears.

“He hurt you?”

His chest aches from remembering. More memories pop into his head, and he needs to stop them. A pill, maybe. No, if he does that, either he’ll sleep the rest of the day, or he’ll have to watch the strange black dog slink around the apartment again.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it...unless you need to”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“My what?” You wipe your cheeks with the back of your hand.

“Your favorite color. I had a friend when I was a kid, my only friend…he always asked everyone what their favorite color was. It seemed important.”

“Blue…dark blue. Like the color of your old bedspread.”

“That fits you"

“I would guess yours is purple, unless that’s too obvious.”

“No, you’re right. Is that a good start?”

“It is, I’ll take it. Where is your old friend? Still in Uljin?”

“No, he moved away before things got really bad. I’m not sure where he ended up.”

Since Seungmin is giving, maybe you should, too. “I do know what it’s like.” Even though it's hard. “It stays forever. The mean words…the screaming, and the beating, and all the locks on all the doors. It doesn’t go away.”

“No, it doesn’t”

/ / /

Who hurt you? Seungmin wonders as he watches you hunt for all of the white puzzle pieces. His mind is numb from half of a Xanax he took, so he’s not participating. He really is enjoying watching you, though—he’s catching some of your subtle habits, and hoping he still remembers them tomorrow. You squint your eyes when you think, and absently rub your hands along different parts of your body; your forearms, your neck, when you’re still for too long. Seungmin has seen you do it before, during the long car ride, but not this much. And his favorite; your finger slowly tracing the outline of your lips, pulling and picking at them. If you keep it up, you’ll make them bleed, and he might come down there in his daze and start kissing them clean.

”Hmm?”

Your eyes flit up to him. Why, what now?

“You’re sighing so loudly up there. Get down here on the floor with me.”

“I’ll get in your way.” Of course, You’re always wanting, Seungmin thinks. Always itching for closeness.

“I want you in my way”

Itching for touch. Who put that tenderness back after it was beat out of you? He watches your hand as it leaves your mouth and pushes a stray puzzle piece back in its place. Where does your patience come from?

“…get down here and help me find the green pieces”

He laughs at that, and it must be loud enough for you to hear. Your head turns his way, and you scowl at him, but you can’t keep up an act…it turns into a smile as you look away.

Those things make a good mother, right? Seungmin remembers that, sometimes. The patience, and the tenderness. Soft words. Soft hands. Why wouldn’t you?

“Why wouldn’t I what?”

Oh he said that part out loud. “Nothing. I’m coming.” He slides from the couch and onto his knees, drops to all fours, and starts toward you.

“Cute…oh, you’re not gonna help at all”

Seungmin climbs into your lap and goes straight for your neck. He kisses once, stops, and inhales deeply.

“Are you smelling me?”

His mhm comes deep from his chest, full of your sweet scent. He kisses again, coaxing you to your back as your shirt is lifted from you. “Oh, this is nice.”

The air is cold against your bare skin, but you relax when his warm hands graze over your nipples, hard and pushing against the mesh of your bra.

“Is this new?” He puts his mouth around one and bites until you make a sound for him. “A matching set?” He pulls the waistband of your leggings down, “it is,” and brings them down the rest of the way. “Cute.”

“Cute?”

You can hear his soft laugh as he disappears between your thighs. He touches, squeezes, bites when his mouth gets to work. “Are you cold? We can get into bed.”

“Yeah, take me to bed”

/ / /

It’s warm under the sheets, but your teeth chatter anyway. In anticipation of him, maybe. Should you ask him to use a condom? Will he, if you ask? He would. Do you want him to? You can’t imagine yourself as a mother; or pregnant, for that matter. What a strange home to bring a child into.

He heads for his drawer, and reaches for the knob, but stops himself. Seungmin turns and heads for his dresser, where he slides one of the top drawers open. As far as you know, from your innocent snooping a few weeks ago, there’s nothing in there except his jewelry, watches, extra glasses. He put something new in there. He comes back with a condom between his fingers, and a questioning look in his eyes.

You give him the same look right back.

He points to the bedside table, “not ours.” And then to the drawer he just came from, “ours.”

“That’s sweet”

“Is it? I just thought it made sense.”

“Yeah, it’s sweet to me”

The room warms. You swear you can feel the cold get pushed away as he crawls to you…onto you…pulls the covers back up as you disappear beneath him. Seungmin touches and kisses everywhere he can get to—down your body, where he tugs at the matching panties he seemed to like so much, and back up to focus elsewhere. He opens the clasp of your bra and lets you fall out, and his smile as he watches is sickly sweet. You feel a blush move up your neck and face, and your reflexes force your arms around you. There’s no reason to be shy, but he’s making you feel seen again. Too seen. Seungmin looks at you, and into you in a way nobody else has before.

He gently grabs your wrists and pushes them onto the bed, “you’re mine…no hiding.”

“I’m yours”

“All mine…you won’t leave me”

It’s just a mumble against your skin, but you hear every word. He told you to leave if he did something to deserve it, but despite the dream, you're starting to believe he's incapable of scaring you away. He might think he is, but he doesn’t see all of himself. Seungmin isn't the nightmare that looks back at him in the mirror.

You still remember every word he said in the greenhouse; okay, I guess...sometimes it’s tough to tell from the inside. You didn’t hear the question, but you assume it was “how are you?”

He talked about you; I know, I’m not alone this time, isn’t that strange? It feels so strange.

I’m trying really hard, I promise

Trying to what, exactly? To get better? To keep you around? If only you had heard what he heard, and knew both sides of the conversation. But you know who it was now, and it took too long to figure out. Seungmin was catching up with his mother, telling her he is okay, and that he is no longer alone, and that he's trying so hard to...well, you're not sure exactly what—keep everything from falling apart, maybe. The dream that had him in tears, and unable to get back to sleep, was her.

“No, I won't leave you alone”

His teeth sink into your neck as he works his way in. It’s easy, and so smooth, and so satisfying—Seungmin knows his way around your body now. He pushes his cock inside of you, pulls out slowly, slides back in. Warming you up, making you comfortable, and maybe testing out how this feels. Seungmin feels good, he always does…and this, you could do this with him all night, but it’s not quite right. You’re used to nothing between you and him, so what you’re thinking is irresponsible and stupid.

The slow, steady strokes are him; the painful stretch, and the careful movements are all him. But it’s not the same. Your hands slide up his back and you pull him closer, and he bites again, softly—he’s become gentle with you in every way when you fuck…he doesn’t leave you with the same marks he begs for.

“Min,” you whisper, and run your hands across the scratches you left. Healed, but still rough against the rest of his soft skin. He moans quietly, and you hate to say his name again and stop him, but, “hey.”

“What’s wrong?” He slows his thrusts and looks at you, “it hurts?”

“No, it doesn’t hurt”

He kisses sweetly, and you can feel him crack a smile before he pulls away.

“What are you smiling about?”

This time he laughs as he goes for another kiss. “What is it, why’d you stop me?” and another.

“I…uhm—nothing, I'm fine”

“Nothing?” He stops completely and stares. Trying to read your mind, probably. Seungmin moves again, slowly.

“Please…baby.” Why did you say that? Your face heats up, and you know he sees it. That’s the second time you've done that today.

“Jagi?” The grin won’t drop from his face, so you wonder what has him feeling so relaxed, and so at ease. It can’t just be the pill he took. “Sweetheart?”

“Don’t tease me"

"No...I'm not, I like it. You can call me sweet little nicknames."

"Take the condom off”

Seungmin’s eyes grow, “oh, is that the problem?” He kisses more, and you can feel him reach between you and remove it. “Anything for you.”

"Anything?"

"Mhm...tell me what else you want"

"Don't be so gentle this time"

He grips your wrists again, puts all of his weight down, and fucks you slowly, gently. "Are you sure? You want it a little rough?"

"Yes, Min...please"

"Call me Minnie"

"Minnie," You can't help but smirk at that. It's almost too cute for him, "can we switch positions?'

Seungmin mhm's and slides his hands from your wrists, and groans as his cock is released from your tight squeeze again. "How would you like to—" he laughs under his breath as you turn your body, get on your knees, and lay your head on the pillow, "...be fucked?"

His eyes eat you up, and his hands follow. Seungmin wonders why you haven’t switched things up before now, but he knows why he never does—he likes looking at you, and kissing you and he likes watching you on top of him (and pulling you down). Seungmin never realized how much he liked to kiss until he kissed your breathless lips, and again when he had a knife to his throat. That isn’t the type of treatment his victims get unless it seems absolutely necessary. Seungmin only wants to kiss you.

Considering how shy you were before, he’s surprised at what he’s getting now. Ass up, thighs spread. He resists the urge to use his mouth, only because his cock is aching for you again. He moves his head between your lips, gathering up your warm arousal, mixing it with his pre-cum. The thought of filling you up again makes him ache even more, and he pushes in without warning.

But you said you wanted it rough. You gasp and flinch, and your shaky breath actually makes him pause for a moment. No, you said you want it rough, and he’s giving it to you.

“Stop me if you need to.” Seungmin runs a hand up your back and squeezes your shoulder as he starts to move. In and out, deep and slow at first. “Okay?” He thinks he sees you nod, so he lets go, and the sound as your body meets his is so sweet; the grip on his cock, how much deeper he hits. And he knows he’s hurting you, despite your persistence. Face down in the pillow, fist clenching the sheets—your free hand reaches for his, and Seungmin thinks you want to hold it, but instead you wrap his fingers around your neck.

“Are you sure?” He can barely get it out before you push back into him. “Oh fuck…okay.” Seungmin squeezes, gently, and it seems to satisfy you for now, but he doesn’t want to tighten his grip. He can’t do that, because he hasn’t done this to anyone unless he was ending it. The control might not be there. Maybe it will be, for you, but he doesn’t know for sure, and he’s not willing to risk it.

“More”

“No.” It slips out. He was only thinking it, but he says it again. “No, I can’t.”

“Minnie…”

“I might hurt you.” He leans forward and places a kiss on your back, and keeps moving up, “I can’t,” wraps his arms around you and holds you tight against his chest. “I love you, I can’t.” And he hopes you’ll turn your head and look at him…

You do. “What did you say?”

Seungmin kisses you sweetly and fucks you as gently as possible, because he wants this to last a little longer, but he’s so close. The kissing—the confession…he told you he feels too much sometimes, and he knows you remember.

A little bit of regret swirls in his head, only because you don’t say it right back, but he pushes it away when you twist yourself to kiss him even deeper. Seungmin comes, and his satisfied moan fills your ears and mouth and chest. You feel him shaking as he slows himself and pulls out, and then he’s up, and you need him back, but it’s only for a moment as he helps you roll back to face him.

Now what? He’s staring at you, silent, eyes full of all of those feelings he holds onto so tightly. You could answer him—you could say it right back to cut through this quiet, but you want him to say it again. Instead, he touches. His warm hand closes over your cunt, and his fingers slide up and over your still-sensitive clit. He gives you exactly what you need, and when his mouth start exploring you again, your orgasm already starts to rise.

“Kiss me”

He jumps up to your chest, and your neck, and finally lands on your lips as you come for him.

/ / /

Not getting a positive result on either test was a strange surprise, you have to admit. Every time you’ve had sex, save the first time, it’s ended the same way; you laying here, staring at him, filled with him. Right now, you’re comfortable and curled up in his arms, and you can feel the slow trickle of cum on your thigh. You like it.

“I’ll start birth control, so we won’t have to worry”

You’re not sure he’s still awake until he moves his hand up your back, and laughs under his breath. “I’m not worried. But you don’t want a baby, so we will be careful.”

You don’t want one, not we. Every time he talks on the subject, you move closer to the conclusion that a very big part of him wants a child. You have to find out for sure, and you need to know why, if that is the case. This is a strange home to bring a baby into, you think again. Two damaged parents can’t make a happy, well-adjusted child, can they? No. It doesn't even matter how you feel, or how he feels, because neither of you are there yet. You might never be.

"Minnie?" Not smiling when you say it seems impossible, Minnie. It's cute, and it doesn't seem to match him, or it didn't when you first met...it does now. You see a Minnie in there; sweet, loving, overflowing with heartache and nowhere to put it.

“Hmm?” Of course he expects you to bring it up, his three stupid little words he couldn’t keep to himself; his sudden outpouring of emotions, because he finally boiled over in the moment. Seungmin wonders if that’s how it usually feels—like you’re going to explode from the pain. That’s how it feels when he’s kneeling in the dirt with his flowers, and that’s how he feels when he remembers too much all at once. But this was a different type of pain.

“Minnie,” you say it again, whisper it, feel it leave your mouth and reach his ears. His eyes grow, and you can see them reflect every little light in the room. Why didn’t you tell him first, and what if Seungmin is wondering that, too? You feel it, and you have felt it far too long in your short time knowing him. He knows that. He knows you’re the one bursting with love for him, he has to know that. “I should have told you.”

There’s so much he doesn’t know, and now you’re going to tell him something that will change whatever this is. “Told me what?”

You hope it changes things for the better. “How I feel." It could always complicate things, or scare him, even though he opened his mouth first.

"Told me how you feel?"

"How I feel when I look at you. How much I love you."

[edenesth]

Until Death Claims Us

Pairing: vampire!Hongjoong x human!reader (+ a bit of boyfriend!Seonghwa x girlfriend!reader)

AU: vampire au

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: You were a fool to believe you could save him. You should have heeded everyone's warnings to run, but now you found yourself in need of saving—from him, the very embodiment of the devil.

Genre: angst, horror

Rating: Mature (M)

Trigger Warnings: violence, implied sexual assault, emotional abuse, kidnapping, gore and blood, coercion, isolation (being trapped/cut off from loved ones), substance use, death, self-harm, suicidal thoughts

A/N: Happy Halloween, folks! This contains dark themes and is not my typical cutesy little romance fic (been feeling violent lately), you've been warned.

ATEEZ MASTERLIST

"You're being such a good girl today," he taunted, pulling back slightly from your neck. The skin was bruised and ruptured from his relentless biting, a trail of blood staining the silk of your robes. "I wasn't expecting this—especially after the little show we put on for your poor loverboy yesterday. What was his name again? Park Seonghwa, wasn't it?"

You lay still beneath him, your gaze fixed on the familiar ceiling you'd come to know all too well during each struggle, each time he took you against your will.

"It's over, Hongjoong," you murmured, and his grin only widened as he licked his bloody fangs, mocking. "Over? For whom? You know you're mine, don't you? I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever, my pet."

A small smile crossed your lips. "Exactly. I'm counting on that. I don't plan on leaving without you either. I won't let you hurt or threaten the people I love again—my boyfriend, my brother, my best friend..."

His eyes narrowed at your words. "What are you—" But before he could finish, the poison you'd ingested began to take hold, creeping through him bit by bit. He gasped, his hand clutching his heart. "Wh-what have you done?"

You chuckled bitterly, a trickle of blood trailing from your nose. "Wolfsbane and monkshood, enough to kill us both within the hour."

He gasped at your words. Vampires were immune to many things, but the herbs you'd named were among the deadliest known to any living thing—even to his kind. His claws flew to your neck, tightening as he growled, "Are you out of your goddamned mind, woman?!"

You smirked humourlessly. "Go ahead. End me now. It'd be a mercy."

Realising the force of his grip on your throat, he released you quickly, a shaky hand brushing your face as he noticed the blood trickling from your nose. If the poison was already taking a toll on him, your mortal body must be suffering a thousand times worse. "Do you really hate me this much?"

You shook your head, pulling your face away from his touch, but he only grasped you again, forcing you to meet his gaze—just as forceful as ever. That was the Kim Hongjoong you knew. "You're joking, right? You took me from my family, my friends, my… my lover, and forced me to stay by your side, to be fed on and used as you pleased. What else could I feel for you?"

He furrowed his brows, the pain in his chest intensifying as he struggled to keep his focus. "But, darling, I did it because I love you. I've told you over and over. If you weren't so stubborn, you could've been my queen. I was going to turn you—"

Tears of disgust welled up in your eyes as memories of this endless nightmare resurfaced. Weeks, months… you'd lost track. Maybe your family would know how long you'd been gone. "Love? You call this love? You don't torture someone you claim to love. You don't even know what that word means, you monster!"

Regret.

Immense, suffocating regret was all you felt. It had consumed you from the moment you'd fallen into Hongjoong's trap, ensnared by his cunning words and dark allure.

It hadn't always been this way.

⸸

"Ow!" you yelped, clutching your scraped knee as you eased yourself into a sitting position, recovering from the clumsy fall. You should have watched where you were going, but your mind had been lost in thought, still sulking over your cancelled plans. Your boyfriend had last-minute work obligations, leaving you disappointed after you'd looked forward to your date all day. Worse still, both your brother and best friend had their own commitments, so you were left to walk home alone, wishing Seonghwa were there to pick you up.

"Hey there, you alright?" a warm voice interrupted, and you looked up to see a stranger standing beside you, his hand extended politely, yet without touching.

And that was how you met him, on a chilly autumn evening. Kim Hongjoong had been so kind, so gentle, as you spilt your frustrations to him. He listened with a soft smile, guiding you to a nearby bus stop, supporting you with a careful hold, and tending to your wound with a small bandage. Before leaving, he draped his coat around your shoulders, leaving you with a comforting warmth.

How sweet of him.

What you didn't know was that as he walked away from you that night, his soft smile faded, replaced by a dark scowl. His fists clenched at his sides, and he cursed himself under his breath. He had planned to drain you right there on that empty street; it was the sweet scent of your blood that had drawn him to you in the first place. But the moment he saw you—eyes wide, vulnerable, and tangled in frustration—something inside him shifted, and he had done something he'd never done before: he spared his prey.

Had it been any other woman, she would have lost her life in an instant. It went against his nature to let a meal walk away unharmed. But you had been different somehow, your innocence tugging at some long-buried part of him he'd rather keep forgotten. "Pathetic," he muttered, disgusted with himself, before casting a glance over his shoulder, watching you as you disappeared from sight, his coat still wrapped around you.

"Another time," he murmured to himself, eyes narrowing with resolve. If he saw you again, he wouldn't hesitate.

Another time, human.

"Babe? What's this?" your beloved's voice called out, and an instant smile lit up your face as you turned to greet him that evening. "Hwa, you're home!" But as you tried to rush to him, a sharp pang in your knee held you back, and his eyes quickly caught the slight wince. In an instant, he was at your side, Hongjoong's coat discarded on the chair beside you.

"What happened? Are you okay?" he asked, worry furrowing his brow as he knelt beside you, inspecting the bandage.

You laughed sheepishly. "I may or may not have tripped over my own foot. But a kind stranger helped me out—he's the one who gave me his coat." You nodded toward the garment that Seonghwa had been eyeing earlier. "He found me by the side of the road, got me to a bus stop, and made sure I was alright before he left."

Guilt flashed across your boyfriend's face as he cupped your cheek, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I'm so sorry I had to cancel, baby. It's my fault you were out there alone. Does it still hurt?"

You shook your head, leaning into his touch. "Not anymore. You're here now, and that's all that matters."

His expression softened as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. "Well, I'm just relieved someone was there to help. Good thing that man found you."

At the time, you nodded in agreement, warmth spreading through you at the thought. But if you had known then what you knew now, you would have wept, realising that this was only the beginning of a nightmare you could never have anticipated.

⸸

Falling into his orbit had been so easy.

"It's you!" you beamed as you stepped out of your workplace, your face lighting up at the sight of the kind stranger who had offered his coat and helped you just days before. The man smiled, his expression warm and charming as he nodded.

"It is me. I was just passing by and noticed you finishing up your shift," he said. "Heading home now?"

You nodded, stepping closer. "I am! And I actually have your coat all cleaned and ready, but I didn't bring it with me today. I can return it to you next time you pass by."

He chuckled, his gaze unwavering. "Why wait? I'll walk you home now, and you can give it to me there."

Maybe you should have been more cautious about leading a stranger to your doorstep. But he was your saviour, after all—surely you could trust him… right? If only you had thought twice back then, if only.

"Would you like to come in for a bit? It's a little chilly outside; let me just grab your coat real quick," you said, hurrying inside, leaving the door open behind you as you went to find it. Unhurried, the vampire stepped in, his eyes alight with satisfaction. Your scent filled the space, sweet and intoxicating. He took a slow breath, biting back the urge to sink his teeth into you right then. How awfully trusting you were—it made him want to draw this out, savouring the game.

He wandered into your living room, pausing at the wall lined with photos. His gaze darkened slightly as he took in the images of you with another man, holding you close, kissing you in some. Ah, yes, the lover. His lips twisted in a faint sneer, though when you returned with his coat folded neatly in your arms, he met you with a polite smile.

"Let me guess," he said smoothly, pointing to a photo, "this must be the lucky guy who had to cancel on you that night?"

You glanced at the picture and nodded, smiling. "That's him—my boyfriend. He was really grateful you were there to help me out."

Hongjoong's grin widened ever so slightly, amusement flashing in his eyes. "Grateful, is he?" he murmured, his voice silky, almost too smooth.

But you missed the glint of slyness in his tone, sending him off with a wave and a warm smile. Later that night, the vampire clutched the coat to his face, breathing in your scent with a low growl, his grip tightening. He hadn't realised until now how intoxicating the pull was, but he knew one thing for sure: this coat would never leave his grasp again—not until he had you for himself.

Once again, he had spared you.

But this time, it wasn't mercy—it was control. He'd see just how long you would continue to trust him, let him in. And then, he thought with a twisted smirk, he would show you exactly who he was as he drained every drop from you.

If you thought that would be the last time you'd see him, you were sorely mistaken. Almost every evening after that, he would appear outside the cafe just as your shift ended, leaning against the lamppost as though he'd been waiting.

"Want some company on the way home?" he'd ask, his voice always gentle, words wrapped in warmth as he mentioned it was on his way anyway.

And so, you'd let him walk beside you, night after night. He always seemed to know just what to say, as though he could read your mind. Every word was perfectly timed, his soft laughter like music that drew you in before you even realised it. He began to open up about his life, weaving tales of heartbreak and loneliness that tugged at your heart, his voice so sincere that it was easy to believe him.

"They say life is easier with someone who truly understands you," he'd murmur, eyes dark and searching as he glanced your way. He'd mention how it felt to be isolated, misunderstood—and somehow, it felt like he was talking to you, like he was a lost soul just waiting for the right person to come along.

And he'd pause, his gaze softening. "It's rare to find someone who… just gets it, you know?"

You'd nod, heart aching, wanting so badly to be that someone, to fill that void you thought you saw in him.

You had no idea then that he was slowly slipping under your skin, blurring the lines of trust and intuition until you found yourself more invested in him than you ever thought possible. That he wasn't seeking connection or friendship—he was weaving a web, each thread perfectly placed. And all along, his hunger lay just beneath the surface, patiently waiting for the right moment to reveal itself.

If only you had known what it meant to be the "friend" of a vampire.

⸸

Then there was that night in the park.

You'd found him sitting alone on a bench, his figure slouched, his head bowed as though the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. His expression was distant, empty, as he stared down at his hands—hands that seemed unblemished but, if only you'd known, had just left a trail of lives snuffed out too soon. No human could have sensed it, but his hunger for you was unmatched, something primal that no other blood could satisfy, not even the hapless souls he'd claimed just hours before.

But you, blissfully unaware of the darkness around him, only saw someone you thought of as a friend. Someone you might save, if you showed him kindness. Your heart ached at the sight, and you quietly sat beside him, reaching out to take his hand. His fingers were cool against yours, a chill that settled into your skin, but you brushed it off as a sign of the evening's autumn air.

"Everything alright, my friend?" you asked, your voice soft, filled with worry you didn't understand.

He didn't even glance up, yet he squeezed your hand lightly, as though your presence had grounded him. "I… I think I might've done something I'm not exactly proud of," he murmured, his voice trembling just enough to pull at your heart.

You sighed, your thumb tracing small circles on his hand, offering him a gentle squeeze without pressing him to share. "It's okay, Joong. I… I know your life hasn't been easy. Whatever it was, you probably had no choice." You gave him a small, reassuring smile. "Nobody's perfect. I just want you to know you'll always have a friend in me."

As you spoke, he finally looked at you, but there was a sharp glint in his eye, a brief, almost predatory gleam that flickered just for a moment. And though you noticed the faint trace of crimson near his collar, you dismissed it as a trick of the streetlight or perhaps a stain from a spill. Why would you have thought any differently?

What you didn't know was that every word, every gesture, was like fuel to his fire. He'd lured you in, time and again, feeding off your kindness, growing closer with each moment, all the while concealing what lay beneath that soft, gentle exterior. And you, too blinded by trust, saw only the broken soul he wanted you to see, never realising just how deeply you'd fallen into his hands.

If you'd known what he was hiding, you'd have run. But then, if he had his way, running wouldn't have saved you.

⸸

Regret. Deep, suffocating regret washed over you as you recalled how blindly you'd trusted a stranger you barely knew, dismissing every warning from those who loved you.

"Babe, I really don't have a good feeling about this guy you've been talking to," Seonghwa murmured one evening, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you washed the dishes. "I know he helped you that night, but his actions lately…"

You'd bitten your lip, drying your hands before turning to embrace him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I know it seems strange, Hwa, but he honestly just feels like someone who needs a friend. Maybe I'll introduce you two someday."

You had brushed off his concerns, convincing yourself you were just being overly cautious. How could you have known then what lurked beneath Hongjoong’s warm smile and attentive gaze? The way he listened, the kindness in his eyes—it all felt genuine. But now, those memories were shadowed by the haze of your own naivety.

Thinking back to Seonghwa's concerned eyes and protective arms, the ache in your chest deepened. He had only wanted to shield you, to keep you safe, but you'd shrugged off his worries like scattered autumn leaves that night in the park. How could you have ignored the instincts of those who loved you?

You remembered your brother's warning too. "He knows you have a boyfriend, right? Then why is he still so…" he sighed, catching the frown on your face. "Just be careful around him, noona." His brow had been furrowed, his voice tinged with the protectiveness you’d come to expect from him.

Even your best friend had weighed in. "Gurl, he's hot, single, and lonely? Maybe he could use someone like me as a distraction!" she teased, laughing before her face turned serious. "But honestly, your brother and Hwa are right. You don't know him that well. Stranger danger, babe. You shouldn't be so trusting."

At the time, you'd laughed it all off, buoyed by a sense of invincibility in your own trust and optimism. But now, standing face-to-face with the darkness beneath Hongjoong's charm, the weight of every ignored warning settled heavily on your conscience. He'd played you, twisted your kindness into his own weapon, feeding on your good intentions to serve his own dark needs. If only you had listened.

⸸

"I find myself in a dire situation and in need of your help. If your words are sincere and your care for me as genuine as you've claimed, then please, come to me at once."

You should have heeded their warnings on that fateful day. As you picked up the note outside the cafe, your name scrawled across it, you noticed the handwriting—almost ancient, as if penned with a quill. It was signed by Hongjoong and carried an urgent request for you to come to his residence immediately.

As you read, questions flooded your mind.

First, why had he never exchanged numbers with you? Did he even own a phone? You realise now you've never seen him with one. His communication felt so… archaic. Perhaps he was simply a fan of old-fashioned ways, though the thought brought little comfort.

Then there was the urgency—what could he need you for so desperately? If he'd come all the way to leave the note, why not just speak to you? It struck you then that he'd never entered the cafe, never bought a drink, or even lingered to chat.

And the address… secluded in the middle of nowhere. Why would he live so far from everyone? A shadow of doubt tugged at you, urging you to reach out for advice from those who cared about you. But against your better judgement, you let the image of his pleading, dark eyes linger in your mind. Before you knew it, you were on your way, heart racing with anticipation and dread.

Each step felt heavier than the last, the echoes of your loved ones' warnings circling through your mind. Yet you pushed them aside, drawn by an inexplicable pull to see him again. It was as if you were stepping toward a dark abyss, its presence invisible yet pressing close. The setting sun cast long shadows, stretching as if to hold you back. But the illusion of connection, once so warm and real, propelled you forward.

As you reached his residence—a grand, ancient mansion, the air turned colder, a chill that crept down your spine. You paused at the door, dread settling in your stomach as if the very walls whispered the warnings you'd ignored. Was this a terrible mistake? You took a deep breath, pushed aside your hesitation, and knocked, the sound seeming to dissolve into the gathering twilight.

"You're here, at last, my dear," he murmured, voice dripping with sarcastic satisfaction. He turned, and in an instant, the false warmth vanished, twisting into a grin that revealed razor-sharp fangs.

"I've been waiting. And I'm starving."

⸸

Has it been days... or weeks?

"Wh-what the hell are you doing...?" you choked out, pressing a trembling hand to your neck to staunch the blood trickling from the bite he'd left. You were sprawled across his bed, barely able to move, every ounce of strength drained from you. Above, he stood with your phone in hand, snapping photos of you with a twisted, relished focus—capturing every vulnerable angle as if he were savouring an art piece on display.

"Making a collection to send to your little boyfriend, of course," he said, tone laced with mockery.

Your heart plummeted at the mention of Seonghwa. "N-no..."

Hongjoong smirked, his eyes dark and cold. "Oh, don't worry, darling. He wouldn't dare interfere if he knew what was good for you. And you'll behave yourself too, won't you? Wouldn't want anything happening to your precious family and friends, after all."

It hit you then—the grim reality. Your life as you knew it was over. He was a centuries-old monster, a bloodthirsty fiend who had you completely at his mercy. You were a mortal trapped in his web, no longer a person but a mere vessel to sate his hunger and whims.

Escape was a fleeting dream; you were too weak, too vulnerable. But in the dark corners of your mind, one thought persisted—an escape of a different kind. If you could somehow slip from this existence, you might at least put an end to this misery. Yet a lingering fear held you back: Seonghwa, your family, your friends. Were they still out there, searching for you, hearts heavy with worry? The thought of them stepping into this nightmare in a desperate attempt to find you gnawed at your soul.

You could take any fate for yourself, but the idea of your loved ones in harm's way was a weight you couldn't bear. So you swallowed back the dread, praying that they would find peace, that they would move on, even if you couldn't.

⸸

"Smile, darling. Loverboy has come to see you."

You gasped, a weak cry escaping your lips as his weight pressed you deeper into the mattress. You could barely push back against him, every ounce of strength drained, yet you clung to the disbelief—he couldn't have brought Seonghwa here. Not to witness this, not to see you in this state, drugged and used as Hongjoong's plaything. It had to be another one of his twisted games.

But as you turned your head to the window, horror struck you. There, just outside, stood your boyfriend. His eyes were wide, a mix of shock and agony contorting his face as he registered the scene before him: his first love, his entire world, bare and broken beneath another's hands.

A strangled sob left you as you watched him stumble back, his gaze a shattered mess of disbelief and betrayal. And then, without another glance, he turned and fled. The monster above you let out a dark chuckle, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips before pulling back with a smug, twisted satisfaction.

"And there he goes," he murmured, the words dripping with poison. "That should do it—no more foolish rescue attempts, no more endless searching. Just you and me, my dear. Don't worry; I'll take care of you from now on."

You lay there, his words echoing in your mind, the last remnants of your heart breaking into pieces. Your tears spilt freely, soaking the pillow beneath you as the reality sank in. With your boyfriend now gone, the final shred of hope and sanity within you slipped away. Yet, beneath the ache, something sharper flickered to life—a resolve you hadn't known you could possess.

The emptiness left you with nothing to lose. Hongjoong thought he'd finally won, thought he had you in his grasp forever. But he didn't know the lengths you'd go to escape him, the price you were willing to pay.

As your tears dried, you knew—if this was to be your end, he was going down with you.

⸸

Staring down at the wolfsbane and monkshood you'd collected, carefully wrapped in a small piece of parchment, your hands trembled. This was it. Once you took them, there would be no going back—the amount you'd prepared was enough to kill a bloodsucker within an hour, let alone you, a mere mortal. You took a shaky breath, steeling yourself to swallow the bitter herbs.

But just as you brought the packet closer, footsteps echoed down the hall, deliberate and unhurried. Heart racing, you hurriedly tucked the packet beneath the bed, barely managing to slide it out of sight as Hongjoong sauntered into the room, his gaze settling on you with that ever-present glint of sadistic amusement.

"Aww, look at you," he purred, eyes narrowing with mock sympathy. "Missing loverboy already, hm?" He let the words linger, watching the tension twist in your expression. "I am sorry he might not return the sentiment. Not anymore. Maybe you should just focus on me, darling." He crawled onto the bed, his movements slow and taunting, each slithering inch bringing him closer until his familiar, bone-chilling embrace enveloped you once more. The kind of hold that wrapped around your very spirit, pulling you down like an anchor.

The image of Seonghwa's face, etched with horror, surfaced in your mind, and you bit your lip to keep from crying out. How could he have been forced to see you like this? Swallowing hard, you clenched your fists, determined not to give this monster the satisfaction of seeing your tears.

But his lips grazed your neck, chilling as they pressed over the bruised, unhealed bite marks that would likely never get the chance to heal. A shiver raced down your spine. The coldness of him… It was like every hope of escape was slipping further away.

"Joong…" you whispered, voice barely audible. You felt him freeze for a moment at the sound of his name, the way you'd once used it back when you'd believed his act. Back when you'd truly cared for him. The silence stretched, the flicker of tension you'd caught in him melting back into amusement.

"Before I came here... before all of this…" your voice cracked, but you forced yourself to continue, needing to see if there was even a fraction of humanity left in him. "Was there ever one moment where the side you showed me was sincere?"

His eyes darkened, amusement shifting into something almost unreadable. His expression stayed carefully composed, but his grip tightened, as though he sensed the question held more weight than he was prepared to deal with. For a moment, you thought you saw something there—guilt, maybe, or regret? But it was gone in an instant, replaced by that cold, detached gaze.

"Oh, my poor, naive love," he murmured, voice soft but devoid of empathy. "Sincere? That side of me was whatever you wanted it to be. And it did its job beautifully, wouldn't you agree?" His lips curled into a smirk, as though he savoured the pain reflected in your eyes.

With that answer, a profound calm settled over you, solidifying the choice you'd been struggling with. He had no redemption. No humanity. And soon enough, he'd feel what it was like to be powerless, too. The herbs were just beneath the bed, waiting to release you both from this wretched game.

And it would be soon.

⸸

Your own recklessness had led you here; there was no one else to blame. And yet, the thought of Seonghwa tightened painfully around your heart. He had been everything—the one you imagined beside you in every future, the light in all your darkest moments. Now, he was left only with the haunting image of you powerless, taken by the monster who loomed over you.

The vampire had turned your suffering into a twisted show, a grotesque performance designed to break every last bit of faith Seonghwa held for you. How could he possibly still love you after witnessing this? How could anyone?

But perhaps that was for the best. If it meant he'd let go of the desperate need to search for you, you could leave this world knowing no one would mourn your tainted existence. And with that bleak acceptance, your resolve crystallised. Hongjoong had unknowingly given you all the tools you needed, and you were finally ready to use them. The knowledge from his library, the herbs in his greenhouse—all his arrogance had left him exposed.

You'd consumed more than enough of the poison just before his feeding time, driven by a singular determination to end this—no more hesitation.

The venom surged through your veins, dizzying yet invigorating, each heartbeat counting down to your final moments—and his. You focused on that thought as his grip on you began to waver, his dominant presence starting to crumble as the poison took effect.

As your vision began to blur, clarity sharpened in your mind. This wasn't just an escape; it was vengeance. The thought fueled the last remnants of strength in your body.

"Do you feel that, Kim Hongjoong?" you whispered, forcing your voice to hold steady despite nausea clawing at you. "This is the end for you, and I'll die knowing you'll never hurt anyone else again."

He looked down at you, disbelief flickering into grim acceptance, and then, to your surprise, a small grin crept across his lips. He lay down beside you, fingers reaching out to entwine with yours. "You sly little fox… this is why I love you so much. No one else could have done this to me, no matter how they tried. At least we'll be together in the afterlife. I may be dying, but I'll die happy knowing I've won over Park Seonghwa."

The poison surged stronger with every heartbeat, each pulse dragging you deeper into the icy grip of darkness as the final remnants of your strength began to fade. "You're delusional, Kim. You'll have me... only until death claims us."

⸸

"No! No, it can't be!" Seonghwa's voice tore through the night, raw and desperate as he tried to break free from the arms restraining him. His screams cut the air, his cries echoing in the vast, empty silence that had settled around the mansion. But the police officers, your brother, your best friend—everyone held him back from reaching you… or what was left of you.

If only you could have held on just a moment longer. The sirens had drawn near, filling the air with the promise of help, of escape, but they'd come too late. Your boyfriend had done the only thing he could, knowing that a rash attempt to rescue you would have meant his death too. He'd left after seeing you one last time, shattering as he took in the horror of your suffering, knowing you'd endured all this while he searched tirelessly for you.

Now, at last, he was here, hands still reaching out for you, ready to bring you back into his arms—but all that was left was an empty, still form entwined in the lifeless arms of the very monster who'd stolen you from him. His sobs were relentless, tearing from his chest as he stumbled forward, pleading, his body wracked with the pain of a thousand what-ifs.

If only he had fought harder to keep you by his side. If only he hadn't cancelled that night. If only he'd never let you cross paths with Hongjoong. The blame—merciless, relentless—wrapped around him like a noose, each regret tightening its hold.

This ache would follow him, a cycle of blame and guilt that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He would never be the same.

I'll join you soon, my love.

This has got to be one of my personal favourites, I do love me some sadistic shit from time to time. Hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

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All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[slytherinshua]

MRS. SCROOGE VS KIM DONGHYUN

genre. comfort. warnings. implied that reader has depression and depressive thoughts throughout the fic. reader uses humour to make their depression seem lighthearted. not proofread. pairing. leehan x reader. wc. 762. request. requested by anon for #39: "don't listen to the voices in your head, listen to mine." a/n. i love leehan :( the way hes the best in bonedo at emotions and like the therapist ugh i love him so much!!! also this was very inspired by personal experience. net. @onedoornet

Donghyun knew something was up with you when he found you sitting in front of the fish tank instead of in your room. As the co-parent of the fishies, of course it was normal for you to check up on them. But zoning out in front of them? That was a Donghyun thing.

“What’s up?” He asked, pulling up a chair beside you, mirroring the position you were sitting in with your arms wrapped around your knees.

“The sky.” You mumbled, giving your boyfriend a mere glance before your gaze moved back to the shrimp at the bottom of the tank.

Donghyun sighed, “I know you’ve been stressed out lately. I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it.” He told you, also looking at the tank, knowing eye contact might have the opposite effect of the one he wanted.

You huffed, “The voices, Donghyun.”

Donghyun raised an eyebrow, “The voices?” 

You bit the inside of your cheek and turned to him, “The ones that tell me I’m useless and that nobody cares about me. You know the ones— annoying little devils, but they’re so convincing.” 

Donghyun hummed in understanding, a sad smile on his face. He adored you and the way you described things, even the little depression dementors that tormented you. You were so full of life despite how much you suffered. From the moment he first saw you until now, you amazed Kim Donghyun.

“Don’t listen to that voice inside your head, listen to mine.” He said, reaching for your hand. You met his eyes skeptically, not sure what your boyfriend had up his sleeve. But you were sure it was something. If there was one thing you were sure of, it was that Donghyun never failed to surprise you. He was always unexpected.

“I love you. I think you’re amazing, you know? No matter what, I’m always going to be here for you. Even when you don’t think you deserve it or when you wish you could just disappear. Trust me, if I wanted to leave— if I didn’t actually love you— I would’ve been long gone by now.” He told you, his voice confident, reassuring, loving.

And you wanted to believe him. You wanted to cling onto every word that left his mouth and believe them like they were gospel. You wanted to kiss him senseless and forget about the rotten world you were blessed enough to meet him in. But that voice inside your head said otherwise, fighting off the words your boyfriend told you, labelling them as lies, as promises that he would break just like everyone had before. You weren’t worth it. You weren’t worth anyone’s care or love. There was no way Donghyun actually—

“Y/n. What did I say? Don’t listen to the voice. What’s his name anyway?”

“Her name, actually. Mrs. Scrooge. She’s Scrooge’s grumpier wife. She’s insufferable.” You said, a little smile playing on your lips.

“Mrs. Scrooge? Must be tiring having to host that old lady in your pretty head.” Donghyun smiled, a mix of amusement and sadness in his voice. You just nodded, finally cracking a proper smile. “Well, tell Mrs. Scrooge that she’s not invited to this discussion.” Donghyun added, giving your hand a squeeze.

“Alright. I think she’ll go to bed for the night if I ask her.” You mumbled, staring back at the corydoras swimming around without a thought in the tank. They didn’t know how awful the world was— they only knew Donghyun and his perfectly caring nature. You wished you were a fish. But that would be impossible. At least you had Donghyun regardless.

“I love you. Thanks for getting her to go to sleep. She’s a real headache.” You mumbled, starting to stand up. Donghyun followed your movements, walking behind you to the kitchen.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked gently.

You hummed, “A lot better. Thank you.” 

Donghyun smiled, heart now at ease. He opened his arms for you and you fell into them, letting Donghyun bury his nose in your hair, pressing occasional kisses to the top of your head. 

The world was rarely kind to you, and some days it felt as if you were beaten so low to the ground that giving up and collapsing completely would be the better choice. But, no matter what, Donghyun always found you and offered you his hand, helping you up again with a reassuring smile and a promise to always be by your side.

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[gezelligs-world]

Found You

(Bada Lee x Fem!Reader)

"Patient is in Room 76, doctor." The nurse informs Y/n who is writing something on the clipboard.

"Alright, thanks Nurse Choi." Y/n smiled and went to room 72. Her nervousness grew when she saw a familliar face.

"Kim Taeyoung, suffered with an injured left leg, right?" The patient sighed and nodded.

"Please call me Tatter, I don't really like my real name." Y/n smiled and nodded in understanding.

"I understand." Y/n replied and began checking Tatter in order for her to know what kind of treatment is suitable for her.

"Hmm your leg suffered a mild pain. I'm confident to tell you that around 1 week, the injury will heal. If you follow the safety precautions I will tell you, of course." Y/n said jokingly at the last part making Tatter laugh.

"Don't worry doctor, I'm not that stubborn. The leader of my dance crew might scold me for it." Tatter continued.

"Your leader must be responsible." Y/n complimented.

"Yeah, Bada unnie really is responsible. I can't even imagine how much pressure she has on her shoulders." Y/n actions stopped when she heard the name. She looked at Tatter with a mix of shock and confusion.

"Bada, you said?" Y/n asked, continuing what she is doing.

"Yeah, you know her?" Tatter asked, titling her head to get a better view of her doctor's reaction to the question.

"Her name is the same as the one I've known for a long time." Y/n smiled and stood up.

"You are allowed to have visitors here in your room but make sure the maximum number is only 3 persons." Tatter nodded and thanked Doctor Y/n.

"Please don't be it..." Y/n mumbled looking at the screen. She's making sure the person that she has known for years will not come here.

"Your nervousness can be felt at the entrance of the hospital." Y/n looked behind her and saw her fellow doctor, Stacy looking at her with a smile.

"I'm just double checking something." Y/n replied, turning her attention back to the screen.

"I saw at the report that one of your patient's names is similar to the one that is in 'her' dance crew." Stacy said, leaning her lower back at the table.

"That's why I'm checking something." Y/n clicked on a specific website and scrolled down to see if the information she's been looking for is there.

"Oh my..." Y/n said, running her hands through her hair.

"What? Oh..." Stacy said, staring at the screen. Stacy laughed and turned to Y/n.

"Looks like you'll be seeing her after 7 years." Stacy stated, patting Y/n's back.

"Bada unnie, stop worrying about Tatter. Tatter said the one managing her are on of the best doctors there." CheChe said, looking at their leader walking back and forth.

"I can't help it. The performance is around the corner and we have no substitute for Tatter's position." Bada said, biting the nail of her thumb.

"I'm sure Tatter is receiving the best healthcare treatment there. We can visit her tomorrow if you want?" Lusher asked.

"Yeah, let's visit her tomorrow." Bada stated.

"Nurse Choi, please look up this patient for me." The nurse nodded, she stood up and took the clip board from Y/n and sat back down. Y/n began to look around while tapping her fingers. Her blood went cold when she saw a familliar entering the hospital. Y/n couldn't think anymore and went through the reception desk and crouched down to hide there.

"Doctor Y/n-" The nurse said, surprised by the doctor's action but was interrupted by someone.

"Excuse me, where's the room of Kim Taeyoung?" A deep voice flowed through Y/n's ears. The same voice she used to love to hear everyday.

"Room 76, please write your name here as a visitor." It went for a couple of minutes and the person gave the clipboard back to the nurse.

"Let me see." The nurse gave the clipboard with a confused face. Y/n analyzed the names and saw what she was looking for.

"No. 22.) Bada Lee"

Y/n returned the clipboard with a sigh and was about to leave when Nurse Choi stopped her.

"Ms. Lee wished for your appearance today. She said she wants to know about the patient's condition." Y/n gulped but nodded to maintain her professionalism. She gathered her courage and went to the room where patient Kim Taeyoung is.

"Patient Kim Tae- I mean Tatter?" Y/n said as she entered the room.

"Yes, that's me." Tatter said, sitting up. She saw Bada stare at her plainly but you can see the surprised reaction in her eyes.

"I came to check for improvements. If you don't mind?" Tatter nodded and Y/n approached Tatter to analyze her.

"Can you lift your left leg for me?" Tatter lifts her leg but it's a little lower than usual. Y/n can feel two eyes piercing through her back.

"Unnie, you look you wanna eat my doctor up." Tatter said chuckling. Y/n got taken aback at the statement and glanced at Bada who happened to roll her eyes. Both make eye contact and avoid them quickly.

"I'm not, stop spreading false information." Y/n lightly smiled as she stood up straight.

"It looks like it's improving a little. But like I said, your injury will be fully healed after this week." Y/n said.

"Thank you doctor." Y/n nodded and went out of the room. Bada stood up and bowed a little as Y/n passed her.

Y/n sighed heavily as she removed her doctor coat and sat on the bench.

"How's your visit with Bada?" Y/n looked at her left and saw Stacy sitting beside her with two coffee cups on her hands.

"First of all, thank you for the coffee. And second, I visited the patient not the one visiting the patient." Y/n replied making Stacy laugh.

"You didn't answer my question." Y/n glanced at Stacy and back to the front.

"You expect her to talk to me after what I did to her in the past?" Y/n chuckled.

"Look, she probably understands your situation at that time. It's her or your career. Imagine if you chose her at that time, would you be wearing a white coat now?" Y/n covered her face with her hands, feeling overwhelmed with emotions as she remembered that time.

"Are we really just ending the relationship we had? 6 years is nothing?" Bada said with tears in her eyes as she stared at her lover.

"I'm sorry..." Bada crouched down, covering her face with her hands. Y/n followed and wrapped her arms around Bada.

"I'm sorry...I'm very sorry..." Y/n wiped Bada's tears as well as hers.

"It will only be for a while okay? Imagine, you will be more famous than you are now and I will finally have my doctor's degree." Bada shook her head, tightly wrapping her arms around Y/n.

"I don't want to...I want to share my accomplishments with you..." Bada replied. Y/n broke the hug with Bada's arms still on her waist. She cupped Bada's face as Bada sniffed.

"I know...I know, I also want to share mine. But there's more than just being your girlfriend. Being your girlfriend is a dream but being a doctor is everything." Bada put her head on Y/n's shoulder as she sobs. Y/n caressed and kissed her hair.

"I love you...so much that I'm willing to let you go to be a better woman for you." Y/n mumbled. She can feel Bada's hand tightly clutching on her jacket.

"If I ever found you again..." Bada said while getting out of Y/n's arms as she stared down deeply into Y/n's eyes.

"If I ever found you again, I will not let you go." Bada promised as she kissed Y/n's lips, caressing the necklace she gave her on their 2nd anniversary.

"What if we found a solution that day?" Y/n asked out of nowhere making Stacy look at her.

"You finally speak after 38 minutes." Y/n rolled her eyes playfully.

"Just answer the question."

"Maybe both of you will be sharing your accomplishment today." Y/n groaned, annoyed that her friend said the exact same thing that Bada said that day.

"You just said the words I least wanted to hear." Y/n replied as she threw her cup at the trash can beside her.

"What else are you expecting to hear?" Stacy asked.

"I'm going to the roof top for fresh air." Y/n said and went to the elevator, avoiding Stacy's question.

Y/n went out of the elevator and saw a figure from afar. She already know who it is due to the height and the hair color.

"I hope what I'm thinking is not what you're gonna do." Y/n said loudly causing Bada to look at her as Y/n approached her figure.

"Just admiring the city lights." Y/n chuckled, remembering this is similar to how they first met.

"Tatter will be fine. Her injury will be healed 2 days before your performance." Y/n said.

"Tatter told you?" Bada asked.

"Yeah. Thanks to her, I also got to know you claimed the main dancer position in your competition. Congrats." Bada thanked her as both of them have a comfortable silence.

"So...how's life lately?" Bada asked, turning her head to Y/n who's busy watching the noisy city below her.

"As you can see, I'm already wearing a white coat." Bada smiled proudly.

"You? How's the variety show you're participating in?" Y/n asked.

"A little criticism here, a little criticism there, but overall it's fun." Y/n nodded in understanding. There was a comfortable silence until Bada broke it.

"I'm always wondering...what if both of us choose to fight for each other?" Y/n just stayed silent as Bada continued.

"If we choose to stay, today should be our 10th anniversary." Y/n turned towards Bada who was already staring at her.

"You're still waiting." Y/n concluded as Bada went closer to her. Her arms went under Y/n's collar and pulled the necklace out.

"And you're still wearing it." Y/n gulped.

"I already found you, I'm not letting you again." Bada said, leaning closer to Y/n's face.

"I never said I want to be let go in the first place." Their lips connect as the emotions overwhelm them, making up the years without bearing one's warmth against them. Bada broke the kiss, putting her forehead against Y/n's.

"My place?" Bada whispered.

"You have to wait missy, my shift is not done yet." Y/n pecked her lips as she went to the exit. Bada chuckled and chased over Y/n.

BONUS SCENE:

Y/n woke up due to the sunlight in the curtain and sat up. She analyzed her surroundings and noticed that she is wearing Bada's t-shirt. Y/n looked over at her left and saw Bada sleeping quietly. She smiled and caressed Bada's hair.

"At least we grow individually, right?" Y/n mumbled, staring at Bada. Bada began to stir a little and finally woke up. She looked at Y/n and smiled, with half of her buried in the pillow.

"Good morning, beautiful." Bada whispered, caressing Y/n's hand that is on her hair.

"Good morning to you too." Y/n replied while smiling.

"I was scared..." Bada said making Y/n confused.

"I was scared you will leave again and I will not be able to find you for years." Y/n felt bad because she knows she's the reason why Bada has issues like this now.

"I know what I did to you in the past caused a lot of pain. But like I said in the past, I let you go to become a better woman for you." Y/n stated, Bada sits up and puts her head on Y/n's shoulder.

"You're already enough for me that time." Bada said, intertwining both of their hands.

"Even though it caused me a lot of pain, it taught me a lot of lessons. But I know to myself that somehow we will find each other again." Bada and Y/n smiled at each other.

"Us against the world?" Bada asked, cupping Y/n's cheek.

"Us against the world." Y/n replied, connecting the lips.

[puppy-phum]

Pit Babe Characters x Cartomancy ➣ Part 3: North & Sonic

Six of Clubs: Sharing thoughts and ideas. Offering advice and giving honest opinions. Three of Hearts: Community as a network of support; Valuing and strengthening bonds within a group.

for @pitbabeanniversary week 3 prompts: north & sonic

(more thoughts under the cut!)

disclaimer: i am not an expert in either cartomancy or tarot reading. i did a lot of research on these two sites to come up with these cards for the characters. some of the meanings associated with the cards are still only my own interpretation, so they might not be completely accurate.

i have never before really analyzed north and sonic as characters. they've always felt like the most uncomplicated ones of the bunch, tho i guess that air of simplicity is quite deceiving as i discovered through this. there's a lot hidden behind the playful banter and humor these two add to the series.

north: if in the previous edit i pointed out that jeff is the eyes of the group, then north must be the mouth. he's a chatterbox, someone with words prepared at all times, never afraid to tease someone and speaking with such honesty it's almost too blunt. this made me feel that a card linked to communication and negotiating suits him. he might not always be the most intelligent or tactful of the group, but he isn't afraid to say things how they are or point out problems or possible discrepancies amongst the pack. his words might be light, but he genuinely cares for his pack.

that care is often shown through well-timed (or not) questions and advice. it happens especially with alan and babe who north gives "relationship advice" (leaving that into the quotation marks bc the advice is dubious at best lol) – north meddles bc he is genuinely excited about the possibility of adding new members to the pack and into the lives of those he cares about. he is also one of the first ones to address the question of kim and if they should help him out after he's been taken, plus he's very eager to discuss the question of way despite the rest of the group deciding to remain silent about him and his betrayal.

sonic: i had to think again to pinpoint the core element of sonic's character but eventually drifted towards how he's portrayed as the nurturer of the pack. babe is very obviously the center of the pack with his loud and commanding presence, but i think the warmer, more caring center piece is sonic. he's the one who keeps noticing how the bond within and around the pack grow and change, and he is greatly affected once those bonds start stretching out or break completely.

the importance sonic places on these bonds is then the most obvious during the times those bonds suffer a sudden change. i chose his images accordingly: sonic is deeply hurt by dean's betrayal as it both hurts him and those around him; by babe's heartbreak over charlie's death as he's forced to watch one of them so completely shattered and lost; and by way's sudden passing bc that means a complete loss of a bond that once was so fundamental to the whole pack. i think his care towards the community around him also partly explains why he isn't pursuing a deeper bond with north (he doesn't like things changing too much) or why he is so open to accept ppl like charlie, jeff, kim, and pete into their pack (new ppl offer him new bonds to wrap around himself). sonic is the keeper of these bonds, but at the same time, he is strongly a creation of them and cannot imagine being without them (and i cannot really imagine sonic without at least north beside him either).

as a pair, i think most ppl agree that north and sonic are very healing. bc they're so attuned to everyone in the group and bc they're not afraid to voice both their happiness and concerns, the pack knows when they're doing well and when they should be working on being better. i think the others in the group who are less vocal and show their emotions less freely benefit a lot from these two who are so... loud, both literally and figuratively. it's nice to have this kind of anchor and lighthouse to guide the pack on their hard journey.

(if anyone wants to discuss these two and other thoughts north and sonic might cause, i'm open to hear anything you have to say! i did very brief and surface level analysis on them for this, and probably missed a ton of nuances, so it would be nice to hear different takes on them.)