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alairroux · 2 months ago

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So hello again! I'm trying to be consisted on writting, but soon I'm going back to school, so I won't have as much time as now, so I'll be updating probaby every two weeks instead of every week. I hope that's still fine. And yay, another chapter! Get cozy and enjoy!

ALSO TW: mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

PS. Authors music pick "Flawed Mangoes - Killswitch Lullaby"

Chapter V

"Broken bones"

Office job is fine as long as it stays in the office. That’s why working from home sucked. Or at least Alice was sure it sucked, mostly, because despite being at home for the whole day she still hadn't eaten anything, was only dressed up from waist up and for the past hour was an e-mail writing machine. Why do people from higher positions always have so many problems towards the ones on the lower positions? It was starting to look like a damn slavery, do everything for them while they logged off to drink wine on their yacht. Yes, Alice was pissed about this, but unfortunately couldn't do much about it. Mutants still have difficulty when it comes to finding a good job and a workplace that accepts mutations among them. It was even worse when you were a telepath. Everyone was scared of getting their mind read like an open book. Just like she didn’t have anything better to do than that. Sure.

She finally emerged from her room, pulling on some hoodie that she found laying on her bed. Good enough for a food hunt in the kitchen. She wasn’t even hungry anymore, but the headache combined with the voices yelling one over another were really driving her insane and to take any painkillers she needed to eat something first. She didn’t want stomach issues on top of it all. Oh to be in pain every day because your genes decided to pull a move like a virus and mutate. What an unfortunate soul to be. She scrunched her face at those thoughts. She was supposed to outgrow them a long time ago, not let them in anymore for the past few good years. They won’t change anything anyway, so there’s no use to pity herself like that.

She went into the kitchen, watching long, golden rays dance on the floor of the living room, painting images that’ll change in seconds and remain only in her mind. Alice shook her head, trying to keep her mind from distracting itself every few seconds. It wasn’t an easy task, especially after such a challenging day, when she only craved specifically picked stimulants to soothe this poor jelly that ran on electricity. Food first. It’s important and needed. Also water. When was the last time she drank something other than a coffee? She passed by the mirror and stopped for a moment. Unsure..

Unsure if the person looking back at her was actually her. It’s been a few days since she sat down in front of the mirror, but for sure she didn’t look like this. Sure, her hair was perfect, neatly tied back, but she could pull that off even half asleep. Her lips were chapped, dark circles under her eyes and her skin lost that glow that she fought so hard for. She raised her hand, to prove herself it’s the same one in the mirror, that it’s not yet another one of her illusions backfiring at her. The scabbed skin around her fingers. A habit she couldn’t get rid off. Getting rid of stress by inflicting some pain to herself. Just like the pain was meant to help. So many doctors wouldn’t agree with her, and so many doctors would put her on the same medication that made it all worse. Not as bad as now, but certainly worse than she felt back then. She was pulled away from her mind by familiar steps and then a voice. It seemed so distant, like she was in some other dimension, behind a wall, thin wall. Maybe made out of paper?

“You okay there? Oh…” Wade’s smile fell as he stepped closer. “ For sure you’re not.”

He wiped her cheek with his thumbs. Why? Was she crying? She didn’t even feel that. Blinking a few times, only now feeling the familiar sting and warmth of her own tears.

“What happened? Need me to take care of some jerk at work? I can do that for free, but just for you. Well, maybe for your lemon tart, I’d definitely kill for that.”

She smiled, wiping any leftover tears with the sleeves of her hoodie. What happened? She’d love to know on her own.

“No, it’s not work. At least I think it’s not that. I didn’t even realize I’m crying… Sorry for worrying you. “

“Hey, don’t apologize. Your mind getting loud again?”

“Still. It’s been like that for a few days already and it’s only getting worse. Also I’m tired after work, hungry and dehydrated. Maybe I’ll get better after eating.”

She moved away, walking back to the kitchen and opening the fridge. Now, the cold air hit her face and she could actually feel the tear streaks on her face. Unpleasant, definitely. She reached inside the fridge and pulled out a yogurt for herself. Sure, it wasn’t much, but she wasn’t that hungry either. Was she hungry at all? Ugh, everything was so blurry, like she was just beside this reality again. She winced at another sharp strike of pain through her mind, clenching her teeth and putting the slightly cold fingers to her temple. Maybe that’ll help for a moment. Stupid telepathy, horrendous mutation and awful world! She just wanted to scream at everything and everyone around, but remained quiet. Took her yogurt bottle and went to slump down onto the couch. Her mind was elsewhere and she couldn’t catch on to it either. Racing ahead, loud, overwhelming, pulling at her like some vicious beast that was killing for fun. However it was invisible from the outside, on the surface she was just numb, staring at one point with those blank expression in her eyes.

“Doll, meet me on the roof in a while, ‘k?”

It was unusual for Wade to make that proposition. It’s been a good while since they’ve talked about anything deeper than weapons, fights and food for the next day. Only now she realized that she hadn't seen Logan this entire day. They didn’t get in a fight, right? Hopefully not. Not them. Not now and not ever. Not them as well…

Her mind immediately went into the darkest scenario of yet another one of her families falling apart, for her to only watch from the sidelines, unable to fix this. Why was life so complicated? Why was it so hard to make it all work? And why was it so easy to give up sometimes?

She just chugged down the whole bottle, threw the empty one into the trash and took the pill to ease at least the physical pain. Should help in a moment. She looked down at herself. Dirty hoodie, pajama shorts and mismatched socks. She’s definitely not going out like that. Even if it was just to sit on the roof and talk with Wade. Talk with Wade. It sounded almost surreal. He wanted to talk, he initiated a real conversation that probably won’t be shallow anymore. It’ll have a meaning. Something in this whole messed up day will finally have a meaning. Even if she feared what the meaning would be. She went to her room to change into something clean but still comfortable, well aware of the fact that she didn’t need to dress up. She wasn’t at work anymore, no one would bother about her sweatpants and a favorite sweater instead of white button down. Dressed up with sneakers on her feet she still hesitated a moment while her hand touched the door knob. Was it really a good idea? What if it only adds to the mess in her head? That’d be horrifying, but on the other hand, it’s Wade. He is not harmful to those he loves. Loves… Does he love her in any possible way? Alice quickly shook her head, putting it all away and leaving the flat. Running away won’t cause it all to disappear after all.

“ I’m here…” She muttered, stopping a few steps behind him. Soft wind caressed her skin, pushing the hair out of her face, letting sun to rest there with few last rays.

“ Come on, sit down. We’re not in a rush.” He patted the space by his side.

She sat down, silence falling in between of them again. It wasn’t heavy or unpleasant, just, almost tangible. Like it started to be its own being, that sat there with them, enjoying the evening and setting sun.

“ I haven’t seen Logan today, haven’t heard him either… Did you two…?” She decided to start, maybe it’ll go naturally from that.

“ We’re good. Just Laura called in the morning with some issue, so he wanted to help her. Why do you ask? Wanted to talk to him about something?”

Suddenly she was struck by a heavy weight of shame. She always talked with Logan, not sharing much with Wade even when she knew he cared. She started to bite down at the skin on her thumb, overwhelmed a bit by her emotions yet again. All this time, she acted wrong towards him and didn’t even realize. After a few seconds she felt Wade’s hand on her own, pulling it away from her mouth, before she’ll start to bleed again.

“ Relax, I’m not going to bite your head off. Just wanted to talk. I see something is bothering you quite a lot. You’re not you lately. You’re way too quiet and I’m starting to miss the constant yapping about cosmos, stones and all that stuff. Or about bees. You know so much about bees.”

“ I’m sorry… It’s. It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything, it's just that… I don’t know. I just always went to Logan and I guess that after some time he became the option for when I don’t feel good about something. I didn’t mean to skip you or anything. I-I’m really glad to have you too in my life, and I know you care, I care as well, just don’t know how to show it… I-I’m sorry for being so horrible..” Her voice just cut off, getting stuck in her throat.

She took a deep, shaky breath, feeling the tears well up again in her eyes. She hated to cry in front of someone, anyone. It just felt wrong each and every time, to be vulnerable. To be human. Mutants were heartless monsters after all, or at least that’s what many people thought about them, about her , but she was just a person as well. Hurting, living, breathing, feeling, existing just like each and everyone of them, and that wasn;t easy. To keep up a facade of a poker face. Of a monster that is unable to feel.

“ Hey, doll. Calm down. I’m not mad, never was, and you’re not horrible. You’re hurting.” He slowly moved his arm to pull her closer, keeping his arm around her shoulders. “ Don’t get mad at me, but you’re like a dog. Loyal, forgiving, soft and just like a dog, you bare your teeth only when the pain gets too much.”

She just leaned on him, letting the tears fall. Why oh why was he comforting her? Why was he showing pity for her case?! WHY!? She took another deep breath, trying to get it inside her head, that he wasn’t mad, that he was fine with her words and behaviors. With everything that made her, her.

“ So, speak up. I can listen as well. What is bothering you so much? The voices?”

“ Mhm. They don’t shut up at all. And I’m having weird dreams on top of that. I feel like I’m going insane. It’s worse than ever. And when Logan wasn’t there I was scared you two were fighting again, this time for real, something happened, that I’ll lose my family again. That I’ll lose everything I care for once more. And I doubt I’d ever be able to take that, let alone now. And everything in my mind is so loud, voices screaming one over another, I can’t catch anything, I feel detached from reality and don’t know what to do anymore..”

“ We’re fine with Logan. Don’t worry. That old man can sometimes get on my nerves but we have our own ways of settling things like that between us, y’know? It works magic, everytime.”

“ Wade…”

“ What?”

“ I really don’t need to know some things. But I’m glad everything is okay between you two. And… I’m glad you two found each other.” She looked away at the orange sun, it was still slightly painful for her eyes, but it was so pretty that not looking at it would be a sin.

“ You have us both as well y’know? I’m glad that we found you, I bet Logan as well. Well, technically, you found us. With that mind trick of yours. I was pretty sure I’m tripping when I heard that ‘Hi’ in my head.” They both chuckled at that fond memory.

“ Yeah… But it’s not the same. I know I have you. I know I have Logan. Laura, Althea and Yukio, and Ellie… I know. But it’s not the same. Each one of you has their own person, and I’m just here. Without the person. The one meant for me. The one I am meant for as well. Soulmate as one would call them. I know they’re somewhere out there, but I don’t know where.” There was a soft pause between her words. “ And I don’t know for how long I'll have the strength to look for them. I’m tired Wade… So tired.”

Silence fell between them again. He understood. He really did, but he didn’t know how to react to that. What to say, to take some of the weight off of her shoulders. Sometimes, even he felt like she was carrying the whole world out there, without a single complaint, always smiling and bringing hope to others, but who’ll bring comfort to her?

“ I hate being a telepath…”

“ Why?” Simple question, that seemed almost stupid. Why, why, because it’s horrible, that’s why.

“ People think it’s so fun to be one. You can read any mind you want anytime you want, control people, become whatever you want, just use your power, they say. But they don’t understand that it comes with a cost. Once you connect to someone, it stays in your mind forever. It’s loud all the time, only getting louder and louder, and when you complain they put you on some psych meds that only make it worse. Make you a monster, and you believe them. You’re scared of your own mind. Why wouldn’t they be, right? I was never a monster… I was a kid. A child. I still am to some extent. Am I not? But I have to grow up and live when all I want is to be at peace.”

He was surprised by her speech, he looked slightly to the side. Again, those empty eyes, she wasn’t fully there. She was somewhere far away with her mind, probably reliving some of her memories. Wade knew as much as she was willing to share, which wasn’t that much. He knew only that she was abandoned by her family, suddenly, when all the medication for probably every possible mental issue, failed.

“ You wanted to end it… When they’ve left you.”

Those words fell from his lips faster than he could catch them, stopping them from spilling around and staining this evening with the deep dark grief and sadness. She only smiled a bit, still looking somewhere distant, a moment passing, before she got up and walked over to the roofs edge, watching over the city below their feet.

“ Sure did. Seemed like a nice escape from being lost and alone. Then I saw you two. Honestly, I was terrified, but both options were good. You’d either kill me or help me. At that moment I was ready for anything, so I risked it all, by letting you know about my presence.”

She stood there, sun barely reaching her anymore and the wind playing with her messy, red hair. Wade slowly got up. Just in case he’ll have to react quickly.

“ I was always jealous about your healing factor. You get to live for no one knows how long. You’ve found Logan who can do the same. Even if you fail you have unlimited time to fix that, to fix your mistakes and try again. I got only one life that I already mostly wasted on trying to be normal when I’m cursed with this so-called gift.” He could tell that she was really speaking from her heart yet again. “ I’m jealous of your ability to heal yourself. It gives you so many options. Just imagine the mental pain being too much, to just jump down the building, free fall like that, hit the ground and let the physical pain eat up the mental one when you heal all those broken bones, get up and just leave, lighter by some of the pain. To die without consequences of death, and yet I was stripped of even that, while that’s all I need to manage this mess in my mind.”

She took a deep breath, looking down before stepping back from the edge, turning to face him and forcing another smile on her face.

“ But I guess I was meant to accept it. To sink into it like a castaway giving up in the ocean. Sinking in and watching the spectacle of light from beneath the water surface.”

He pulled her in immediately, feeling how her body first shivered and then started shaking with choked sobs. Oh how badly the world hurts some of the people. And how badly he wanted to find a way to fix this for her. To fix her mind. But that’s not possible. You can be a hero and save the world, but that doesn’t guarantee saving your closest ones.

#deadpool and wolverine #cassandra nova #alice #oc #deadpool #wolverine #cassandra #fanfiction #some deep talks #deep talks #wade wilson #alice solace #healing factor #angst #no comfort #pls dont hate me

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llondonfog · 8 months ago

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I've been thinking about the eclipse all day. I feel like movies and shows use the eclipse as something dramatic and thrilling, but my experience was very peaceful and comforting. When the sky got dark, the sun felt harsher and more scorching in the brief seconds I accidentally looked at it, all the way up to when the moon totally covered it and it was suddenly like this soft and beautiful nightlight. Like the eye of a hurricane. I can't help but think about the knight of dawn and Silver. They could only be together for a few moments in time, and fate just couldn't keep them together, but I imagine the little minutes they had were quiet and sweet

oh anon, this is so bittersweet and precious, i love this analogy.

we know from ch7 so far that the knight died shortly after silver's birth. we also know that the time of silver's birth was a tumultuous one for the knight and his kingdom, with warring factions of other human nations vying for control and pushing the boundaries of their borders. with this in mind, it's devastating to realize how little time he got to spend with his newborn child— a child he loved so dearly, and enough to willingly sacrifice himself in a desperate bid to protect their existence. it's even worse when you realize that there seems to be no mention of silver's kingdom in twst's history books— the only connections that silver has to his birth father are lilia's memories and the ring around his neck. there are no stories that exist for silver to understand his father, to learn not just of his character, but who he was as a person. who was the knight? how did he fall in love with silver's mother? what kind of food did he like? what was his favorite color? did he cry when silver was born? did he hold his son close and whisper a long-dead name with such fragile tenderness, did he look at silver as if he saw the sun itself and was blinded by love?

i like to imagine what those few stolen moments of peace might have been— the felt animals that the knight sewed by hand clutched in silver's baby-fat fingers, the cascade of the knight's hair like a gold curtain over his son's face as he hums a lullaby and spins him slowly around a richly decorated room. the awe in the knight's eyes as he dares to touch the soft cheek of a creature so pure and innocent, born of him and yet with none of the bloodstained shadows in his wake. the way his heart must have ached at the giggles of his son, an already happy child, as the babe stuck fistfuls of golden hair into his mouth and blew bubbles around them.

he loved his child, his little prince, his sun in the dawn sky. he loved his child enough to die for him.

in any case, i'm so glad to hear you got to savor that special moment during the eclipse. i know i was stunned into silence staring up at the halo of totality, looking up at something so magnificent that it truly made me feel how tiny and in awe i am of the miraculous wild world that we live in <3 we really experienced a once in a lifetime event and i'm so thankful for it.

(may i also offer: killswitch lullaby - flawed mangoes is a piece that i often have on repeat when i'm thinking about silver and the knight; those dreamy and peaceful, what could have been vibes for something so far off in the nostalgic distance)

#lettie's asks #twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #twisted wonderland silver #twst silver #the knight of dawn #help i get really Emo over them #if i think about the knight and leia for too long i cry

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rosethorn-zz · 8 months ago

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killswitch lullaby

#my art #oc: sandstar #warriors #warrior cats #warriors oc #warrior cats oc #wc #wc art #wc oc #oc art #original character #cat #cat oc #feral #feral furry #feral art #feral oc #digital art #artists on tumblr

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namelessdeceased · 2 months ago

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6-10-24 ╵ sunday ╵ recovery day 3

posting at i think 3 15ish pm? was js cleaning up at my grandmothers. js got the horrifyingly devastating (/srs) news that we aren't gonna go on holiday during vacation most likely cause we have to take care of her which i'll be honest viscerally ruined me that trip was my saving grace i miss my family over there and the environment in general so much like its not even a joke. at least i can play dnd i suppose? thats something. and i dont have school for the next 4 days (mon through thurs) which is SO GRATIFYING. js started to work on my 2025 notion too which i am in LOVE with.

🗝 to-do

pack up to go

shower when you get home

keep working on notion when im home

work on adventure #1 (dnd)

work on character details (go through w players)

📀 killswitch lullaby 〢 flawed mangoes

hope you guys like the new style cause i sure do! sorry im not doing that positivityposting thing anym tho...would yall want me to bring that back ?

╰ theo 🪐

#studyblr #theo's study log #plan :)

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genisis-the-girlblog · 4 months ago

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My intro post!

This is my main blog, it's mostly me whining about my life and sometimes I get over 20 notes on a post

My main interests are:

Twdg, thg, dsmp, and Alice madness returns

I mainly listen to Lana del Rey but I dabble in basically everything

(I don't have a dni bc it's like trying to hold a door closed with a straw)

Ok I think that's it!

Some song recommendations:

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churipu · 9 months ago

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BEAUTIFUL FEATURES 𓆝 ⋆｡𖦹°‧

ִ ࣪𖤐 featuring. gojo satoru, nanami kento, fushiguro megumi

ִ ࣪𖤐 warnings. cursing on gojo :)

note. while i'm working on chapter 5 of my killswitch lullaby series, i'm gonna upload something because i just got home from a get together with my big family, and part 5 of killswitch lullaby is still halfway done :(

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

"you have freckles."

averting your eyes to gojo through the mirror in the bathroom, you nodded, "mhm, they've always been there," it's not like you've made them noticeable — so the reaction was expected, you never really liked them.

"why did i just notice them?" he asks, leaning his shoulder onto the doorway, "i mean — they look really pretty y/n."

pretty didn't sit well with you, especially not when you grow up hating that certain feature. chuckling out softly, you raised a brow, "they're not pretty, they're weird, 'toru."

the male blinks, "who said that?"

"everyone else but you—" he scoffs, throwing his face to the side with a lop-sided smirk, "what? why are you laughing?"

gojo shakes his head in denial, "fuck what they think — i think they're pretty, and they suit you. why would you hide it?" the blue eyed male watches your every move as your fingers pressed on the skin colored cushion onto your skin, sealing away the beautiful dots gracing across your cheeks.

"because i feel better without them." you nonchalantly answered, patting the cushion a few times to flatten the foundation. your freckles immediately drowned under it, disappearing from sight.

gojo was silent, his face was indescribable — and you don't know what he had in mind next. frankly, he's a little angry. not at you, anyone but you. the male then stepped towards you, throwing an arm around your waist, "can i ruin your make up just the slightest bit . . ?"

"yes, but 'm not going to talk to you for the rest of the day . . . or two."

the blue eyed male chuckled, but he wasted no time wrapping his slender fingers around your wrist, peppering gentle kisses across your cheeks, right over the semi-wet foundation — leaving traces of his lips on your face. gojo didn't even care about the sticky substance graved on his lips.

pulling back, he seemed satisfied at his work of art. your make up ruined almost completely as your foundation was smeared away, the smooth layer now barely even there at all, and all was left was trails of his kisses over your sun kissed freckles.

"you're so beautiful, i'd kiss you right now — but i wouldn't want to get foundation in your mouth," he whispers, instead of leaning into your lips, he pressed his foundation laced lips along your forehead, engraving his lips on your skin.

"you're so cheesy—"

"way to ruin the moment, y/n. really great! you're lucky i love you," he grazed his thumb over his art, wiping away your foundation, "i love you and everything about you."

smiling lightly, you nod, "i love you too."

𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎

nanami traced his finger on your skin behind your ear, the tip of his finger grazing over the same spot again and again. his eyebrows furrowed the slightest bit, "what happened here?"

you glanced at him, "hm? what happened where?" the male didn't answer, but his finger traced your skin — specifically, where your birth mark laid. and he blinked slowly, "oh, i forgot about that. nothing happened there, 'ts my birth mark."

the male nods his head. his eyes never leaving the darker spot behind your ear, "i never knew you had one . . ." he mumbles out, a little upset he's never noticed such a beautiful feature on you through out the time he has been with you.

"i didn't want you to," you replied back.

nanami retracted his hand back, "are there any reasons why?"

craning your neck to face him, your e/c eyes averted around the room. anywhere but right at his eyes, "um . . . i don't think that my birth mark is an important feature, you know where i'm coming from?"

nanami in fact didn't, "unfortunately, not."

"i just don't think it's nice to look at," you tell him the truth, chuckling, "but i actually forgot that i had that behind my ear for a bit."

once again, his fingers flew to trace your birth mark, admiring it silently. strands of your hair gets tangled in between his fingers at the action, but the male wasn't pulling on it, "it's beautiful. you're beautiful."

"think so?" you asked.

nanami didn't answer you, but his hand cupped your face gently, pulling you close and before you knew it, his lips were on yours. it was a short kiss, but it was full of admiration and love, "i do. i mean it," he states out, gazing into your eyes.

"i love you, ken. you know that, right?"

"i love you more, y/n. you know that, right?"

𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

you'd think that your boyfriend wouldn't notice the way you strain back your smile from engulfing your face? frankly, thinking megumi wouldn't notice was something stupid — megumi notices everything, especially things about you. his partner.

"why do you do that?" he questions, leaning back onto the wall.

raising a brow at him in confusion, you replied back, "do what?"

"straining back your smile — why don't you just . . . smile?" his voice was quiet, but there was something behind it. not anger, not disappointment; megumi was just confused, was it something that he should be concerned about?

even if it wasn't, he is already concerned.

his question left your mind a little hazed, wondering if you should tell him the truth or just lie your way out of this. but (thankfully), you ended up with the first choice, "i didn't want to deepen my smile lines, they look weird."

now it was megumi's mind swirling with different questions, "smile lines? why— what? what?" he mutters under his breath — mind a little disintegrated.

"it leaves a mark behind, i don't like it—"

"you look fine." he cuts you off, "you have a nice smile, don't hold it back."

coming from someone like megumi, you thought it might have been the greatest compliment you have ever gotten the whole entire year. the first genuine smile popped out on your face after a bit, the apple of your cheeks rounding as you beam out at the male in delight, "really? you mean that?"

megumi sighs, nodding, "really."

"that means a lot to me, gumi. thank you," the male blinked — he wasn't sure what had gotten you so happy, surely it wasn't his compliment, is it?

it is, "yeah."

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #fluff #gojo satoru #gojo fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #nanami kento #nanami fluff #nanami kento x reader #nanami x reader #megumi fushiguro #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fluff #megumi x reader

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