welcome-to-ikea
welcome-to-ikea
silly little creacher
7K posts
constantly being thrown around by my various fixations and interests🎵any pronouns
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welcome-to-ikea · 11 days ago
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I was looking up the etymology for Succubus and Incubus to find a gender neutral term, and I found your post. From what I can tell, Incubus comes from in+cubare, Latin for "to lie upon" and succubus from sub+cubare, Latin for "to lie beneath." Using this knowledge, I made the term Procubus, which should be the equivalent of "to lie beside." I thought to share it with you, in hopes that you may find it useful.
Hey this is a really interesting concept to consider!  Also takes away the sexism that incu/succubus connotate.  Thanks,
-Cat 
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welcome-to-ikea · 16 days ago
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this is the funniest scp and yet i've never seen anyone posting about it:
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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Llama! Llama! Llama! Please give up some crumbs of the Undercover au! You can't just cook so hard, delivered a delicious meal, then disappear leaving us hungry for more! DX
Sometimes, you stay at the office with Eos when he works late. Both of you like the company. You pull up a chair to his desk, and listen to the sounds of him working, watching the evening light fade away... lots of in-jokes, lots of heart-to-hearts, lots of lovely quiet moments together. Those are the times when you'll learn the most about him; his love of classical music, his artistic talents, his cute nerdy appreciation of owls. His dislike of the colour yellow.
He likes when you fall asleep next to him. He can put a jacket over you, listen to your breathing.
You notice that Eos acts quiet and boring when others are around, but while you're alone together, a different side of him is teased out. Something more confident... more playful. You just assume it's because he's shy, and he's opening up to you over time.
You know each other's coffee orders. Sometimes, in the mornings, it's a race to see who can get the other coffee first.
He walks you home a lot.
Eos, out of the two of you, is more cynical about the police - you still naively believe in justice, he's much more realistic about the corrupt world you live in. He acts that way mostly because Nightmare's dislike of the force is leaking through... but also because he's trying to slowly plant mistrust in you. He's subtle, feeding you the right information at the right time; showing you which sergeants are having their palms greased, which politicians were let off the hook because they paid off investigators, which sections of the police are under the thumb of organised crime. Sowing the seeds that will make your transition into a life with him easier.
After you caught Nightmare's eye at his party, you start receiving official invitations to his events. Sometimes, you show the invitations to Eos, because you can't believe Nightmare is paying so much attention to you.
The irony is apparent only to him.
Eos 'doesn't like' that you go to Nightmare's events, openly voicing his displeasure at the danger you're in... but you're determined to investigate Nightmare, prove a link between him and the crimes everyone knows he commits, and have him put away.
It absolutely crosses your mind that Eos and Nightmare look similar. But like. You NEVER think they're the same person. Because that's just impossible.
Nightmare is an outrageous flirt. His flirting stays classy, obviously, because he's a classy guy for you. But he makes it very clear what he wants to do to you. You're never prepared for it.
He likes when you argue with him. Calling him corrupt, evil, a murderer. He gets to flirt and play mind games with you... and when the tensions rise between the two of you he can tell you're just as attracted to him as he is to you.
Eos doesn't smoke. Nightmare does.
Nightmare kisses you before Eos. When you told Eos what happened, you lied and said Nightmare is an awful kisser. He's trying to figure out if you're lying to spare Eos' feelings or if he's genuinely lost his touch. Usually, he wouldn't care, but you make him feel weirdly self-conscious.
One time, you (foolishly) got drunk at one of Nightmare's parties. You passed out. When you woke up, bleary and confused with your head in someone's lap, you could've sworn Eos was with you - who else would be looking after you when you're drunk, gently carding their claws through your hair?
... Except it was Nightmare. Letting you rest after you passed out on him.
You refuse to talk about it. You expected him to act smug, or tease you... but he doesn't bring it up again.
He was not prepared for the intensity of your "I need to obliterate this nerd" feelings toward Eos. Despite the amount of flirting Nightmare dishes out, if you get very forward with Eos he will be caught off-guard and get extremely flustered.
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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Do you think I could convince Dust to quit smoking if I told him how it decreases bone density, causes tooth decay and yellowing, and how kissing smokers would taste disgusting?
He'd pretend not to care. He'll say something like "you're hanging around with a mass murderer. and you're concerned about... my smoking habits?" He might even chuckle at you.
... But then, as time goes on, you notice the smell of smoke is fading from his clothes. You realise you haven't actually seen him smoke in a while. In fact, when was the last time he stepped outside for a cigarette break? If you ask him about it, he just shrugs. He doesn't seem bothered and lets the subject change.
You won't get a straight answer from him. If you press Killer or Horror about it, they'll tell you Dust "suddenly quit" and they aren't sure why. But if you really press them, and promise not to tell Dust that they blabbed... they'll tell you it's because he was worried that you'd be put off kissing him.
He already thinks you've got many reasons to not kiss him. No need to add more.
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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themes commonly found in international friendships
- ‘u dont have (insert food/music/restaurant here) over there??’ - ‘wait what time is it. shouldnt u be asleep’ - alternatively: timezoned/clockblocked again - ‘do u need a hug. have a virtual hug’ - weird slang terms - ‘i will fight everyone thats mean to u. i will fight them rn’ - vague embarrassment regarding ur accent - ‘dont maKE ME COME OVER THERE’ - ‘oh yeah i have a friend who lives in (insert country here) and apparently’ - no real hugs :(( - suffering - fahrenheit vs celsius - the measuring of things in feet fucks one of u up, probably
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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finally,,, i make my little guy do a little dance,,, the power i hold,,
(based on choreo by Molly Long - song: Pop Muzik by M)
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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Lowkey one of my favourite tropes EVER is when a show has a made-up language, and the comic relief character (who doesn't speak the language) starts using its swear words. Dude gets mad and calls someone a "gleepleflunk" or something and everyone stops dead in complete horror like he just dropped a slur. Genuinely the funniest shit ever
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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"I know chatgpt is bad but you just don't really have any choice" you literally do. Don't use it. Have some moral backbone.
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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what super expensive indulgence would u get for urself if u suddenly came into a bunch of money?? assume all bills/mortgages paid, all friends helped: what treat are u buying just for u?? for me it would be a quilted lambskin chanel bag in iridescent pink
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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Fresh off the market this ->🐕 little dog now only $4.99! Get in quick!
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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Hey im gana leave my dog here can you keep her safe?🐕
yes yes of course i will keep your dog safe
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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reblog to cast level 5 spell: everyone who reads this gets a full night sleep
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welcome-to-ikea · 2 months ago
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my family wasn't this strict, but in some sects of buddhism you're not allowed to eat the "five pungent vegetables", onions garlic shallots leeks and umm chives i think, really any of those kind of vegetables. probably some monk ages ago was tired of onion farts stinking up the temple. anyways, one time my brother made a soup using all five of them. he said, "one sip of this, and you'll be reincarnated as a flea."
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