#killing people in a kids show is (usually) unacceptable

[smoralcoral]

It's... interesting when you can tell that a creator's taste has changed over time, specifically regarding webcomics. They're notoriously a very long labor of love, oftentimes taking years if not decades to complete, and so a webcomic started at the age of 19 is going to be very different at age 29.

And on one hand, I think it's important for a creator to grow and learn, and I don't think it's necessarily fair for a creator to stick with one genre/mood/tone forever. Experimentation is necessary for both better ideas and a healthy artistic mindset! To this end, if a webcomic creator has been consistently working on one project for a decade, then said work is going to be the only place to try new ideas.

On the other hand, it can be frustrating for long - time viewers to have their status quo upended, or to see previously established character arcs suddenly change to fit new tastes.

On the third, mutated hand growing out of my back, sometimes the creator's new taste just sucks in general. This isn't nuanced at all, it just sucks ass lol

[doodlegirl1998]

Hot Take: Kotaro may have been a pos, but his family wasn't any better by letting Tenko get hurt and the confrontation was too little too late

Hi @theloganator101 👋,

I can see where you're coming from with this however I'm not entirely sure if I agree.

One thing we completely agree on, Kotaro was an abusive POS to his family and that's entirely on him. His abandonment issues with his mother make his resentment toward her and heroism sympathetic but that no reason to be an abusive father.

On his family standing by, that's what I'm mixed on. I may be wrong but I got the vibe from what little we see is that rather than being repeatedly physically abusive like Endeav, Kotaro was usually more cold / standoffish / neglectful dad.

Kotaro's behaviour, while also unacceptable, I think they had made allowances for because of his trauma of Nana's abandonment then death. When someone is traumatised - people do tend to be more sympathetic / make more allowances for bad behavior they would usually come down harsher on. (This is especially true if the person is someone they love like Nao loved Kotaro.)

I think the time that we see him hit Tenko that once occurred just that once which was why Nao and her parents confronted him in his office later that night. Two quotes make me believe this;

"That was too much." / "Yes I went too far. How are the kids?" (Side note - I'm not a Kotaro fan by any means but he is far more redeemable than Endeav. Here he shows immediate regret rather than Endeav only being sorry after 3/4 of his children have grown up, 1 of which he believed he killed long before this. Endeav only changed after he got everything HE wanted - the Number 1 Hero position. But I digress.)

"We are not going to play by your rules if you are going to get violent," That hints to me that Nao and her family are ready to take the kids and walk out on Kotaro if he ever goes that far again. Which from what little I know of Japanese Society that is a bold move of Nao and her family to threaten Kotaro with.

The tragedy of the Shimura family here is that this night, unknown to Shig, they seem to have been building toward a turning point.

Kotaro realising he's been abusive and recognising he went too far could have easily led him to changing his act and going to therapy after this.

Or if he doesn't change his act, Nao and her family would have walked and taken Tenko and Hana to safety away from him.

Either way, Tenko and Hana's childhood seemed to have been building toward a happier place before decay activated and tore everything apart. :(

[vegantinatalist]

One thing that I've noticed, that is hilariously tumblr-coded, are the mass of posts with paragraphs of self-victimisation and the notes begging for enablers. It's ALWAYS "well I'm not rich enough to learn basic cooking (life) skills with vegetables, beans, grains, tofu, legumes, fruit, nuts, you name it (all cheaper than the standard vegan diet...), but as I'm (enter any demographic whatsoever) you couldn't possibly suggest that I engage with ideas, literature and options outside of my close circle, unless you're a facist."

I used to think it's bizarre, but I've come to understand as I'm older, that Tumblr really is rife with the Oppression Card and Anti-Intellectualism stereotypes. I only engage with cat memes and fandom stuff now, while I have words like "opinion" and "PSA" just straight blacklisted, because these people will forever be locked into self-victimising, enabler, self-absorbed loop. And I'm saying this a POOR vegan woman of five years!!!! Who's also healthy!!! Lmao

If there's any sensical blogs about nice vegan food and activism that you know of, tag 'em, because the non-stop circlejerk of "I'm the REAL victim for xyz, give me notes, no I won't include any alternative perspective" is getting boring as hell.

SERIOUSLY.

I am physically disabled and neurodivergent in a way that gives me constant severe daily struggle, I am highkey suicidal with a plan and timeline for when I will take myself out, I have shitloads of secondhand trauma from witnessing all kinds of things happen to the people around me growing up, including kidnapping/trafficking and death, I've been actual dirt poor for years lengths of time multiple times. BELIEVE me when I say I hate toxic positivity and unreasonable expectations and calloused attitudes towards the suffering, but being a "pushy vegan" is not the same as telling an adhd person to get over their study anxiety. Its not the same as telling a homeless person to get a job. Because BEING A PERPETRATOR IS UNACCEPTABLE! OPPOSING PERPETRATORS IS IMPERATIVE! It's closer to telling a pedo they cant fuck kids and face no judgement just because they were preyed on as a kid, they have a developmental disability, they have poor impulse control, etc. I don't fucking care. You can't fuck kids and if you cant stop yourself you should be killed. i just hate everybody who would farm/torture/kill to sustain themselves and then think this is a good world and their life is good and a net positive some fucking how. and then on top of that create more fucking babies who will do the same thing. and some people think they can get out of having to think about veganism because "well im super smart, i know that life is bad, therefore i dont have to be the change or kill myself cause none of this is my fault or my responsibility" (pedos and killers love having this attitude too) i swear never trust an efilist/antinatalist who isnt also vegan especially if its a man. they dont actually truly care or understand that the world is bad. 9 times out of 10 theyre just an asshole coping with being an asshole. and the vegans who arent antinatalists are always at least 20 percent delusional (far less than the general population but still annoying to deal with if youre a sane person) anyway if you really wanna do activism go on fb groups for animal rights activism in your area. pick someone in there and talk to them and use them as your guide. someone in there will be willing to send you updates, show you how they do things when they get together etc. shut your ego off, dont be looking to make a close friend, dont pitch a fit when/if they or the people in the group might have some views you disagree with. focus on getting together for the sake of the cause you agree on. theyll usually show you ways of doing online activism that are relevant to your area like political stuff going on in your state or county that you can support.

[devianceexplored]

KK1: The Relativity of Deviance

+ in the perks of being a wallflower The perks of being a Wallflower is a film depicting the high school experiences of main character Charlie and his group of friends, showing how their differing personal lives and identities bleed into their school atmosphere as many of them deviate from what is considered normal or acceptable by both their peers and teachers. Many times, Charlie is seen as an outcast or loner, in his school, family, and even within his friend group. Throughout the film there are moments where his behavior is accepted by those around him, even if it seems to deviate from common or general social norms, expressing the relativity of deviance. 

Deviance is defined as “the fact or state of diverging from usual or accepted standards, especially in social or sexual behavior.” (Oxford Dictionary) It is defined by the social norms in society, the expectations on how people should behave or be. In this, it is a sociological concept; it is relative. This means that it is forever changing, being affected by subjects of time, culture, context, age, and socio-economic status.  

Deviance is often explored throughout the film with the main cast, a key example being in Patrick's character. He is openly gay and cross-dresses in multiple scenes throughout the film as he plays a queer character in a theatre project. Being gay or queer is frowned upon in many societies even in modern times. This is seen in the film as Patrick is bullied for his sexuality, being called slurs and a “f*ggot” (1:11:21), and because of this, his boyfriend tries to avoid him in public to escape the judgement of his peers. He insists that he “doesn’t want anyone to know” (24:34), being ashamed and fearful of the reaction of the other students at the school as well as his family, saying that “his dad would kill him”, and that “he was going to hell”. (29:05) They are breaking away from the heteronormative code of society, that being heterosexual or straight is the norm and being gay isn’t, it’s deviant. Additionally, not only does his relationship divert gender norms but his passion in theatre does too. Patrick is and acts in a way that a traditional man doesn’t. “Normal” men in the eyes of society are expected to dress masculinely and have a wife and kids, yet Patrick does not follow these expectations.

Another example of deviancy explored is the consumption of illicit drugs, such as marijuana and LSD. The recreational use of these drugs is considered deviant within society and therefore unacceptable behavior, being against the law. This is seen in TPOBAW, as law enforcement can be seen getting involved as Charlie gets found by the police whilst he is using LSD. “Normal” people do not engage in this behavior, as the expected social norm is to stay a healthy law-abiding citizen. Drugs are often associated with unhealthiness as there are major risk and health factors to overdosing or commonly consuming drugs. In this they are also equated to a lack of decorum or class, as derogatory terms like “meth-head" or “druggie” are used to describe drug users, often being associated with people in lower economic classes. 

Still, deviance is a relative concept, as in different contexts behavior that was once thought of as deviant may be seen as acceptable or normal. In TPOBAW, the very same example of Charlie's drug use can be applied. When he was out on the street, it was not acceptable to the people around him, especially not to the law or his parents. This contrasts with the scene earlier, where he attended a party with other teenagers at his school. Along with the other people in attendance, he drunk alcohol and took drugs on multiple occasions. For the people at the party, this type of behavior was not only normal but acceptable, and the majority of the people present were partaking in this “deviant” behavior. They didn’t consider it serious, cracking jokes even, saying he was “baked like a cake” , 24:40 (Slang for being high off marijuana). In this context, his drug usage was not seen as deviant to his peers. This is often true in real life situations as well. Many teenagers will smoke or consume drugs, and to their peers this is generally seen as not out of the ordinary, yet their parents or other adults in their life will have a wildly different opinion. This further expresses the notion that deviance is a social construct, an idea that has no clear definition. The idea that deviance is the diverging from social standards does not consider the differing views of the population. What is thought to be standard in one context (setting/time) may not be in another, especially when considering the many groups that make up the society, making it situational or contextual.  

[milenadelgadolaborde]

Hunger games 2: catching fire: Reaction-Thoughts-Discussion

[BEWARE THE SPOILERS!!!!]

Alright book munchers- we’re back for more heartache and tears with catching fire

Published: 2009 - Spoilers ahead!

Honestly what I remember from this book is the clock design of the arena which was super sick, Finnick obvi, more Peeta (yay), a little too much Gale for my tastes, loathing Snow, and the end (of the movie at least) - Oh and Cinna getting attacked by Savages! Before the game starts

Let’s get munchin!

——

Part 1: the spark

Ch1:

First line: “I clasp the flask between my hands even though the warmth from the tea has long since leached into the frozen air.”

The first book also started out by referencing the cold and a lack of warmth so that’s interesting

“I’m staring into the snakelike eyes of President Snow.”

I already hate this guy but the snakes thing seems like a connection to the title of the newest book - he keeps getting compared to snakes throughout the next scene

—-

Ch2:

“The smell of roses and blood has grown stronger now that only a desk separates us.”

Gods this man is so disturbing

—-

“Whatever problems anyone may have with the Capitol, believe me when I say that if it released its grip on the districts for even a short time, the entire system would collapse.”

Fucking let it then!

“so I flinch when he (Snow) whispers in my ear. “By the way, I know about the kiss.”

Why does he have to be so creepy?!

——

Ch3:

“The smell of blood . . . it was on his (Snow) breath.”

Absolutely disgusting // absolutely revolting

—-

“but underneath all that, I can feel the steadiness that Peeta brings to everything.”

He’s just the best for you girl

——-

Ch4:

“Given all the trouble I’ve caused, I’ve probably guaranteed any child of mine a spot in the Games.”

Awful- it’s gonna be a no from me man

——

“I hadn’t thought about it much, but in the arena at least some of the boys got to keep their body hair whereas none of the girls did.”

I didn’t pick up on this during the first book but I did mention how awful it was that they basically force the tributes into a fashion show before they fight to the death and to think of them actually doing things that would make it harder for the tributes to survive even if it’s something minimal like body hair that protects your skin etc.

like it’s so disturbing bc it’s already awful to have this group of kids killing each other but the people in charge being like “Oh and they have to look hot while they die” It’s so fucking wrong!!!

——-

“As usual, a special platform has been constructed at the bottom of the stage for the families of the dead tributes.”

So not only do these families have to watch their kids get murdered on screen for entertainment but they also months later have to stand in public and congratulate their murderers? Absolutely sickening

——

Ch5:

My poor babies - I want them to get together but not forced together like this

——

Ch6:

“The party, held in the banquet room of President Snow’s mansion, has no equal.”

I hate this man and his fucking opulence

——

“And here in the Capitol they’re vomiting for the pleasure of filling their bellies again and again.”

On top of it all to be presented with all these rich people who have so much to eat that they literally make themselves throw up several times just to keep gorging themselves on food while the districts starve - Unacceptable- honestly unacceptable// I’m surprised there hasn’t been more revolts

——

Ch 7:

I truly understand Gale because it’s not hard to see why he’s pissed at what the capitol has done to them and why he wants to fight back. I think he’s absolutely right.

I also notice though that every interaction Kat has with Gale seems to leave her frantic and panicked when every time she’s with Peeta she seems calmer and a little more at ease.

—-

Ch8:

“Life in District 12 isn’t really so different from life in the arena. At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead.”

——-

Ch9:

“I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine.”

“I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. And then it hits me. They already have.”

———

Part 2: the quell

Ch10:

Ch11:

The threat of constant surveillance is unimaginably exhausting - very big brother

No me gusta

—-

Ah the mystery of the famed District 13

—-

Ch12:

“Whoever devised the Quarter Quell system had prepared for centuries of Hunger Games.”

Absolutely disgusting and awful - gods this series hits my heart and soul // it’s too cruel man

——-

Ch13:

They don’t even let her say goodbye??? This is so twisted!

—-

Ch14:

Ch15:

I already love Johanna and Finnick

——-

“Our new Avox is Darius.”

The cruelty of this Snow guy knows no bounds

——

Ch16:

“As I watch the procession to the City Circle, I think how it’s bad enough that they dress us all up in costumes and parade us through the streets in chariots on a regular year.”

—-

“Johanna Mason is naked again”

😂

——

Katniss making the Seneca Crane dummy = iconic

——

Ch17:

““I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you,” Peeta replies.”

My heart ❤️ No puedo mas

““I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever,” he says.”

——-

“It’s so barbaric, the president turning my bridal gown into my shroud,”

Snow putting Kat in a wedding dress for the interview = evil + atrocious

“Cinna has turned me into a mockingjay.” =iconic

——-

Ch18:

““Maybe I’d think that, too, Caesar,” says Peeta bitterly, “if it weren’t for the baby.””

Le Gasp! This Man!!!! I C O N I C

Always with the interview plot twists! I love him!

—-

“By the time the anthem plays its final strains, all twenty-four of us stand in one unbroken line in what must be the first public show of unity among the districts since the Dark Days.”

Ey Snow, you done fucked up. What exactly were you trying to accomplish with this quell? Like all you did was make ppl more pissed off. Big Yikes

And not him having Kat witness Cinna getting beaten right before she goes up into the arena man - why is he so evil?!

—-

Part 3: the enemy

Ch19: 😬

Ch20:😬😬

Ch21:😬😬😬

Ch22:

““No, wait,” says Finnick. “Let’s do it together. Put our faces right in front of his.””

The fact that this man made me laugh while all this horror is going on ❤️❤️

——

““Tick, tock. This is a clock.””

Iconic design to this arena

—-

Ch23:

Ch24: 😢😢😢

Ch25:

Ch26:

Ch27:

Oh no, not Peeta - omg I don’t remember this // what will they do to him?

Fuck what an ending! Next. Next. Next.

[jade-parcels]

I love your headcanons about Diluc being a father! Based on that post, how would Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya, Xiao, and Childe as fathers handle it if they found out their child was being bullied? Would they confront the bullies themselves or handle it in a different way?

The dads find out their kid is being bullied

With Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya, Xiao and Childe

—————————

Diluc:

Something Diluc loves about his job is that most days, he gets to work from home in his office! So when his son gets home from school, he always runs into his office to show him what he learned in class

But today, his son trudged into his office with puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks “I don’t wanna go to school anymore...” Diluc has never dropped his work so fast. He sets everything aside and takes his kiddo to the couch in front of the fireplace to talk

Since you’re all still living in Mondstadt, your kid is going to the same school that Diluc went to. He knows how bratty some of these kids can be since he serves wine to their parents every weekend. This is just unacceptable.

He hugs his boy and tells him that he’ll make the bullying stop. And he does. That night at the tavern, he’ll confront those parents, even threaten to ban them from the Angel’s Share if they don’t correct their kids’ behavior “I will not tolerate your children picking on mine. So until you get them to stop, I’m going to have to cut you off for now”

Let’s just say that the bullying stops faster than he thought it would. Mondstadters are serious about their wine intake 0-0

Zhongli:

Zhongli knows something is wrong the second he steps inside when he gets home from work

His usually energetic girl is sulking in her room instead of running around or doing school work

He’ll change out of his work clothes and go sit on the floor with her “is something bothering you?”

Zhongli may be a chatterbox but he knows how to listen. He’ll sit and listen to everything his daughter has to say, pulling her in for a hug when she starts to cry

He makes sure she knows her feelings are valid, that she doesn’t deserve to be picked on

He also tells her that she can’t let them see her cry “they want you to cry, they want you to feel sad. So if you don’t allow their words to hurt you, they will leave you alone” “really?” “Really. That’s how mean kids think. So if they don’t leave you alone, remember to hold your head high, okay? After school, talk to your teacher about their behavior too” he’s great at making people feel better about themselves :’) he just happens to have thousands of years of experience under his belt lmao

Kaeya:

Kaeya loves getting to pick his daughter up from school! He loves how excited she is to see him and how she happily talks about everything they did in class while they walk home.

But when she hurries outside and hides behind him, sniffling and crying he’s quick to help out

He’ll kneel down to her height and give her his best ‘dad hug’ “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Did something happen today?” “Uh huh...” he’ll sit there on the ground with her while she explains what happened

Since there are plenty of other parents there to get there kids, Kaeya won’t hesitate to approach the parents of the bullies

“Excuse me, you may not know me but it seems that your daughter has been picking on mine. I think she owes her an apology” of course they all know who Kaeya is so he may be using his position with the Knights as leverage...maybe, maybe not lol

He’s not shy. He doesn’t tolerate bullying!! If the roles were reversed, he’d make his kid apologize too.

And since she had a rough day, Kaeya would let her pick what they have for dinner that night just to cheer her up :)

Xiao:

Xiao is not an emotional guy but when his son runs up to him, bawling his little eyes out, he can’t help but feel upset too

He picks him up and tells him to tell him all about this bully at school. Man oh man, it totally breaks Xiao’s heart to hear that cause his kiddo is so cute and well mannered, why would kids pick on him??

Xiao will take him to school early the next day to have a word with his teacher “You need to do something about this. If you don’t talk to these kids or their parents, I will”

Then he’ll kiss his son on the cheek and leave, the teacher is probably freaked out cause if looks would kill, Xiao’s angry glare would have killed them for sure

If the bullying continues he will pay those parents a visit. He won’t be rude but he will be blunt with them, that’s just the way he is “Your style of parenting is repulsive. Do you think it’s okay for your kid to pick on mine? Pathetic”

Once he’s big enough, Xiao will train his kiddo to fight. He would have done this anyway but since he��s been bullied, Xiao thinks that building muscle and learning to fight will be extremely beneficial for him

Childe:

This man....is such a good dad

He’ll do anything to make his kids laugh, anything to make sure they’re never hurt, sad or in danger! To them, he’s the best toy salesman around! And he’s the coolest day they could have! He takes them ice fishing and teaches them archery once their big enough. His kids are always having fun when he’s around

So you can imagine his surprise when you come home with your youngest son and he’s crying his little eyes out

Ajax wants to beat those little shits uo himself, no one makes his kid cry and lives to tell the tale!! That stupid 5 year old will feel his wrath!!....Which is why you have to handle this.

He’s disappointed when you say you’re going to talk to the bully’s parents cause HE wants to do it!! But you both know that if he’s the one to go, those parents will shit their pants in fear

So instead Ajax stays behind with the kids, playing with them and making them laugh. Your son will cheer up right away and probably forget how the other kids were mean to him earlier :) so yeah, you gotta handle bullies and their parents...Ajax is...scary lmao

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part VII

Summary: Spencer’s unresolved trauma catches up with him. Reader gets her heart broken.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, I’m so sorry guys

Warnings/Includes: brief mention of violence and details of a case; brief mention of prison, past trauma; a lil self-loathing and self-sabotaging

Word count: 3.8k

a/n: I knew that this was where this story was going from the very beginning. The dialogue is one of the first parts I had written. It still hurts. Relevant to the story: I operate with the understanding that the Jeid arc does not exist, which also means that Spencer never went to therapy in season 15. Also, huge thanks to @reidscanehand​ for beta-ing and just generally being my hype person!!!!

Song Recs: Shrike by Hozier; Better As a Memory by Kenny Chesney (don’t come for me if Spencer made playlists this would ABSOLUTELY be on there)

Series Masterlist

———

Spencer made his way to Emily’s office, ignoring the team’s eyes on him— varying degrees of understanding, concern, and uncertainty plain on their faces. As he reached the threshold, he paused for a second before moving into her line of sight. When he moved into the doorway, she looked up and waved him in. He closed the door behind him.

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Spencer hesitated for only a split second, but it was long enough for her to notice. He lowered himself into the chair and met her eyes.

She folded her hands on top of the desk. “How are you feeling?”

He drummed his fingers across his kneecaps. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it. She bit back a sigh and flipped open the folder in front of her. “I’m finished with the official report. I wanted to go over it with you before I submit it to the director.” She looked at him briefly before reading out the report. “On January 9th, our team pursued a lead at the residence of suspect Andrew Hurley. We divided into teams to cover the two entrances to the home, as well as the barn behind the house.”

Spencer fidgeted slightly in his chair and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. Emily continued, “During the raid, Supervisory Special Agent Spencer Reid became separated from the team and was ambushed and disarmed by the suspect in the barn.” She paused but didn’t look at him. “The team was unaware of the altercation for some time, during which Dr. Reid employed various approved restraint methods and was ultimately forced to utilize self-defense measures to preserve his own life. Consequently, Mr. Hurley sustained serious injuries.”

She did look at him then, a steady and unrelenting gaze that had him shrinking inside himself. “However, I have determined that Dr. Reid’s actions were justified in order to maintain his own safety.” She returned her eyes to the report. “Mr. Hurley was detained and treated for his injuries at Sebastian River Medical Center, and he is expected to make a full recovery. Based on the cognitive interviews and physical evidence, a grand jury hearing is scheduled for January 25th.” She brought her hands to rest on top of the report.

“I’ll sign off on it and deliver it to the director by the end of business today.” She let out the sigh she’d been holding back. “Reid.”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, torn between shame and vindication. “Emily.”

“What happened in that barn was unacceptable. And I need you to recognize that.” Her eyes were back on him, a leader’s gaze boring into a weak link. “You went against a direct order. You put your life in danger unnecessarily, and in the process you endangered this entire team. Furthermore, you could have cost us the ability to close this case, to put Hurley away and bring justice to his victims.”

“It won’t happen again,” he assured her.

“No, it won’t.” Her tone told him that if it did, he’d have bigger problems than a meeting in her office. “My recommendation to the director is that you transition to your next mandatory leave cycle early.”

“I can handle—”

“It’s not a request. You’re on sabbatical starting tomorrow. That’s an order, and one you’d do well to follow.” She closed the file in front of her. “We’ll see you back in the bullpen on March 7th.”

“I don’t need more time off, Emily,” Spencer snapped.

He could see her grind her teeth together at his tone, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to feel contrite. She took a deep breath in through her nose, leveling him with a pointed look. “If Simmons hadn’t broken it up, you’d have killed Hurley on the floor of that barn.”

His mind snapped back to the lifeless eyes of Hurley’s victims— eight year old boys in shallow graves. Boys who died afraid, and in pain, and crying out for their mothers. His thoughts raced to the feel of Hurley’s throat under his arm, the crack of the zygomatic under his fist. Emily was right of course. If Matt hadn’t found them in the barn and dragged him up and off of Hurley’s nearly lifeless body, Spencer would have killed him without compunction.

“Reid.” The stern edge was gone from her voice. Spencer refocused his eyes on her face, now showcasing an underlying concern that made his stomach turn. “I’m not recommending another cycle of mandatory counseling at this time, although I reserve the right to require it moving forward. But… I’m asking you to take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last two years. More than a lot.”

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted, but there was less fire behind it this time.

“And I’m not saying you aren’t,” she countered. “But I am saying that the person in that barn… that wasn’t you. That was not the Reid that I know.” Emily tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “The Reid I know uses his intellect and empathy to see angles that the rest of us miss. He depends on the strength of his mind and his unwavering compassion to diffuse conflicts without violence. He invites his friends to foreign film showings and puppet theater.”

When he didn’t budge, she let out a long breath. “I want you to take the next fifty days to find that Reid and bring him back to us.”

...

Y/N dropped into her desk chair with a huff. They’d been back from winter break for two weeks, and she already needed another vacation. But tomorrow was Friday, and then they had a long weekend. She could make it through one more day.

She closed her eyes for a long moment, tired in the way that only kindergarten teachers fresh off a long break can be. She heard the click of Anita’s shoes coming before she even entered the room, and Y/N couldn’t stop the twitch of her lips.

“Dude. How is it only Thursday?” Anita flopped down into the plush Calm Corner chair.

“This has been the longest week of my life,” Y/N agreed. “My kids were off the chain.”

“There is so much drama in middle school right now,” Anita groaned. “I can’t keep up with all the tea, and you know how I love to stay up to date on the freshest brews.” She shot Y/N a look. “Speaking of, where’s the good doctor?”

“I think they’ve had a lot going on at work,” Y/N surmised. “I haven’t seen Mrs. Jareau in over a month.”

“Well, I’m getting antsy,” Anita complained. “Thought for sure you’d be going steady by now.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel a little impatient herself. If she’d known it would be this long before she’d see him again, she might have made a move when he’d volunteered. Then again, probably not. She sighed.

Her phone chimed with an email message, and she automatically swiped the screen open to read it.

Spencer Reid Re:

Are you free today? If you are, I’ll be at Soho.

...

Spencer sat at the table in the corner of the coffee shop. He sipped absentmindedly at his tea, almost gone cold. He hadn’t waited for a reply before leaving Quantico. He drove straight to the city, figuring he’d wait at Soho until he felt some semblance of calm returning to his body.

He didn’t know why he’d emailed Y/N, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted her to show up. Usually he’d talk to Penelope or maybe JJ. But he’d wanted to get as far from the BAU as possible, and he didn’t want to drag Penelope away from the colorful, safe corner of the world she’d created for herself. He didn’t want to fill it with all the tragedy she’d tried so hard to leave behind.

If Y/N did show, he was certain he could keep the conversation vague, focus on her and the classroom, ask her about her holidays. She wasn’t a profiler, didn’t know his tells well enough. She’d be none the wiser, and he’d have her warmth and presence to focus his energy on, if only for a few hours.

Every time the bell chimed, his eyes flew to the door, searching for her. He knew it was ridiculous. He’d only known her for one hundred and eleven days. Pragmatically, he knew she shouldn’t be the one he wanted to talk to. Realistically, he wasn’t planning to burden her with all of the mess of the past week, the past year, his entire life.

But in the six hundred and forty seven minutes he’d spent with her since September, he’d felt more like himself than he ever had. He was never afraid to be himself with her— the silly story voices, the ridiculous costume, the magic trick, the vulnerability about his mom. All of these pieces of himself were things he usually waited years to show people. It had taken her a matter of weeks to draw them out.

He couldn’t help but believe that if he wanted to, he could tell her everything. She’d know exactly what to say. She’d listen for as long as he could keep talking. She’d cover his shaking hands and wrap him up in the warmth of her spirit. She’d give of herself to guide him back to the person he used to be. She’d be more than willing to use her radiance to illuminate the dark so that he might have a little light again.

The bell sounded, and his eyes focused, and there she was. She was wrapped up in a puffed jacket, a bright blue scarf tied around her neck. Her nose was adorably red from the cold, and she rubbed her hands together as the door closed behind her. Her eyes found him immediately. A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and she gave him an enthusiastic wave. And he knew that he was right about all of it.

She approached the table, unwinding her scarf. “Hi!”

“Hi.”

Her eyes flickered over his face, and then settled on his mostly empty mug. “I’ll get you a refill, and then we’ll catch up?”

He nodded, and she headed to the counter. There had been a part of him that thought she wouldn’t come, but of course she did. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, she liked talking to him. Even among his closest friends, he was often made to feel self-conscious about his tendency to ramble, but Y/N had literally asked him to. She sought him out, asked him questions, listened intently, and remembered things he’d told her. She was kind and thoughtful and genuine. Of course she came when he called.

She returned with two mugs, carefully setting them down on the tiny table. She unzipped and removed her jacket, hanging it on the back of her chair and revealing a crew neck sweater covered in tiny astronauts and rocket ships. When she sat across from him, her hands wrapped around the mug and her eyes met his.

“Hi.”

He couldn’t stop his lips from twitching, despite the events of the day. “You said that already.”

She laughed, and he felt the weight begin to lift. “Yeah, well, I haven’t seen you in forever, so— I’m just making up for lost time.”

“Sixty one days.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been sixty one days, eighty eight minutes, and approximately,” he looked at his watch, “fourteen seconds since we saw each other last.”

She laughed again, and his mouth completed its curve. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I like that you’ve been counting.” She let her chin come to rest in her hand, eyes studying his face. “How are you?”

He wanted to lie, but she was looking at him so earnestly that he mumbled out, “I’m managing.”

She mirrored the way he’d looked at her across this same table nearly three months ago. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” That was a lie, too. But asking her to meet him was enough of a burden.

“Okay. Well, if you change your mind at any point, let me know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Until then, I can just regale you with all the kindergarten stories you’ve missed while you were out saving lives.”

And regale him she did. For almost an hour, he listened to her tales of love (budding crushes were taking over recess time), loss (the class pet— a stuffed zebra— had accidentally taken a swim in the Atlantic on a vacation to Florida), and lessons learned…

“So, in case there was ever any doubt, we are now painfully aware that we shouldn’t attempt to flush our underwear.” Y/N let out an exasperated laugh.

She’d been talking to him for fifty three minutes, and his heart already felt one thousand times lighter. “I’m really glad I wasn’t there for that one.”

“I really wish that was the only poop story I had.” She shook her head. “There are a lot of things they don’t tell you in grad school. I think there’d be a global teacher shortage if they warned you about the amount of bodily fluid management involved in teaching kindergarten.”

She toyed with the edge of her empty mug. He watched the movement of her fingers.

“Do you—”

“Do you—”

She laughed and gestured for him to speak first.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

…

They ended up in Mitchell Park. The trees were bare and the grass was brown, but he was with her, and so it was beautiful.

They’d been walking in comfortable silence, when she asked, “Did you change your mind? About talking about it.”

Spencer put his hands into his pockets. “It’s, um— it’s kind of a lot.”

She shrugged. “I’ve got time.”

“I don’t mean— I mean, it would take some time to get through it all. But it’s also— it’s a lot.”

“We don’t have to.” He could feel her eyes on him. “Do you talk to— someone about it?”

“I talked with my unit chief today,” he answered.

“Okay. But— I mean, have you ever— talked to someone. Like, a professional.”

Spencer bristled slightly. Although he knew she wasn’t passing judgement, her question exposed the reality that she thought he could use it. “I’ve had some mandated counseling over the years.”

“Obviously it’s your choice whether you talk to someone or not,” she mused. “I just— I know that I’ve benefited a lot from seeing my therapist.”

Spencer was unsure of what to do with that information. Here she was, confessing that she went to therapy— sweet, lovely Y/N. In comparison, he wasn’t sure if even daily meetings with a counselor would be enough to tame the darkness that had grown and festered inside him over the years. That sometimes threatened to swallow him whole.

For a long while, there was only the crunch of the frozen ground beneath their feet. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an uncertainty about them that felt uncharacteristically heavy. He was hyper aware of her presence, and so he felt her pace slowing down before she came to a complete stop. He walked a few more paces before it became clear that she wasn’t planning to catch up.

He turned and saw that she’d taken a seat on one of the park benches. He carefully made his way to the bench, sitting beside her quietly. She didn’t look at him, but instead studied her fingernails intently. She cracked her knuckles once, twice, and then turned her body slightly toward him on the bench.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she hedged carefully. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do, or like, imply that there’s anything wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I just—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer assured her. The way she looked at him then— like he was something fragile, delicate— made his eyes burn. He kept his voice even. “I know what you meant.”

She smiled, eyes crinkling and filled with something that felt familiar and far away all at once. “Good. I can’t have you out here thinking you’re anything less than wonderful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her, attempting to solve the impossible cypher behind her irises. As he failed to decode it, his inability to read her blinded him to what came next. He missed the dilation of her pupils, the way her tongue darted out to wet her lips, the increase of the beats in her carotid. So when she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, he was momentarily paralyzed.

Her lips were so soft against his slightly chapped ones, pressing with a perfectly gentle pressure. She brought her hand up to cradle his cheek, the pads of her fingers just barely ghosting the curls falling around his ear. She sighed into his mouth and pressed a little closer. He took one peaceful moment to bask in the realization of a desire he’d had for almost four months.

And then she swiped the very tentative tip of her tongue against the seam of his mouth, and his hands involuntarily wound into her hair, dragging her closer. He opened his mouth against hers to swallow her sweet little gasp. His grip on her hair tightened, and she let out the tiniest mewl, and like a switch had flipped— suddenly his mind was full of the darkness she’d spent the evening chasing away.

Y/N beneath him in the dark. Maeve in a pool of blood. His hands around Cat’s neck. His mother’s slap against his cheek. Max walking away from him. His fingers pressing the plunger on a dirty syringe. The slam of the door behind his father. Y/N calling out his name. A knife at his throat under a canopy of bones. Innumerable sets of lifeless eyes staring up at him. His life being snuffed out on the dirt floor of a shed. The clanging of metal bars and fingers ghosting over old bruises. Y/N looking at him with warm, loving eyes. The violent crack of bone underneath his fists. Y/N’s face, lovely and perfect— and then twisted in pain.

He broke away from her, releasing his hold on her hair and pushing her back into the bench. He took a second to gather himself before he dared to look at her. Her hair was tousled from his rough grip; her eyes were half-lidded and focused on him; her lips were red and kiss-bruised and turned up in a small, sweet smile.

And all at once he knew he had to hurt her, and it had to be now. Because what Cat had said about him was true. He might have escaped his mother’s illness, but he hadn’t been able to outrun the violence— and unlike her, he didn’t have the excuse of being sick. He had hurt people, and he had enjoyed it. He would have killed Hurley, and he would have slept soundly. He was no better than the men his team hunted.

Every time he thought he’d moved past it, that wickedness lurking just under the surface would grab him by the throat, choking everything else out. Emily’s directive rang in his ears. Find that Reid and bring him back to us. He knew who she was talking about. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that person still existed.

He was going to hurt Y/N eventually. Better to do it now, before things got too far.

“You’re Michael’s teacher,” he said, as evenly as possible.

Her smile faltered, and she pressed her lips together. He could still feel the phantom press of them against his own, and he was sure he’d never forget it. She cleared her throat. “You’re right, you’re totally right. I, um— I won’t be in a few months, and maybe then—”

“You don’t even know me,” he interrupted.

Now there was confusion in her eyes. That much he could read. She huffed out a small laugh. “I— I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

He looked directly at her. “Why? Because you read my bio on a university website? Because we got tea a couple times?” His voice sounded harsh, patronizing, and he hated it.

Her confusion shifted into shock, and he ignored the tug on his heart. “Are you serious?” she questioned, genuinely searching for a sign that he was joking.

“Dead serious.” He shrugged, and it felt like his bones were breaking. “You don’t really know anything about me, Y/N. If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“Where— where is this coming from?” Her voice was small, close to breaking. He lined up the last nail on the lid of the coffin.

“Maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I’ve appreciated talking to you. Volunteering in your classroom was entertaining. But I don’t— I don’t see you that way.” It was a lie, and if he didn’t have such a practiced poker face, she might have seen through it. As it was, his poker face had helped get him banned from every casino in Vegas, so he watched her as he hammered the final nail. “You’re just Michael’s kindergarten teacher.”

“Oh.” The hurt flashed across her features— the furrow of her brow, the tightening of her mouth, the storm clouds in her eyes. “Well, I— I really read this wrong, huh?” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Yeah.” He put his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her, the desire to comfort her a strange juxtaposition to the pain he was intentionally inflicting on her. “I guess so.”

She opened and closed her mouth twice before taking a deep breath and nearly whispering, “Okay. Well. I’m— I’m gonna go.”

She brushed some imaginary dust from her pants and then stood. She turned to him, and he waited for her to explode— to scream and curse at him. But it didn’t come. She didn’t look at him at all. “Um— yeah. I’m gonna go.”

He didn’t say anything, and he knew she’d take his silence as indifference. But he had to keep his mouth shut, because if he didn’t, he’d beg her to stay. He’d tell her every single random piece of information he had stored in his brain. He’d tell her that he loved her from the moment he watched her help a child pick a solution from a pencil box. He’d tell her that he only ever dreamt of two things these days— her or the lives he didn’t save. He’d tell her every single one of his deepest, darkest secrets. He’d tell her that sometimes he was so afraid of himself that he could barely breathe. And if he told her all of that, she’d walk away anyway.

So instead, he watched her turn and start back up the path, hugging her arms around herself and swiping her cheek against her scarf.

When she disappeared over the slope of the path, he scrubbed his hands over his own damp face and let himself break.

———

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Broken tags: @saspencereid @this-is-gublerween

[hargrove-mayfields]

Everyone who knew Billy Hargrove had thought that even though he had only been in town for a short time, he wouldn’t be leaving without making his mark on Hawkins High when he graduated. He was their new top dog, their poster boy in all things social, athletic, and academic, so it only made sense he’d choose to go out with a bang.

Graduation is held outside on the football field, a first for the school because the senior class of ‘85 is made of up of too many kids to hold it in the gym like usual, which would theoretically give him the perfect opportunity to screw around and ruin the formal ceremony.

What nobody had expected though, was for him to be sitting up straight and attentive at graduation, his hair pulled up in a bun under his cap and his earring left at home, wearing a pair of dress shoes he couldn’t afford, with all kinds of pins and cords and even a valedictorians medal adorning his robes.

And nobody expected him to wait at the head of the stage as his full name, William Reuben Hargrove, was called, walking across in perfect time and doing every polite handshake, smiling at the teachers and administrators and getting his photo with his diploma in hand and a respectable smile on his face.

Because he was one of four valedictorians above two salutatorians, he wasn’t given the opportunity to read his own speech, but rather was chosen to read the graduates address. His reputation preceded him, and it was clear from the tension sparking the air that everyone, including the parents, expected him to pull something when called to the stage and given the microphone.

But he didn’t, he stood proud and read it off loud and clear, or at least recited it from memory that way, Max had to read it to him for weeks in practice because he couldn’t power through and read it, the text small and too close on the page it all jumbled together, stepping down from the stage when he was done instead adding any words of his own,

It’s like a collective sigh is let out when he sits back down, Nancy taking her turn up on the stage to read the closing remarks and turn the tassels, and just like that the ceremony passes by without a hitch.

Because even though all knew who they thought Billy was, they didn’t know about the man he had to be in front of Neil Hargrove, watching from the bleachers.

Instead, what his peers had all wanted was for Billy to walk to his own tune, slouching in his seat and picking at his nails when he wasn’t supposed to be paying attention, fumbling the fancy walk and keeping his hands stuffed in his pockets as a big F-U to the school and all it stood for, and they definitely expected him to show up in a crumpled suit and scuffed old shoes, his hair a mess under the cap, looking like his true ragamuffin self.

Only, Steve Harrington was the one to do all that.

The rumor mill would have it that Stevie boy got wasted the night before graduation and was barely powering through it on a hangover. Truth would argue however, that he had woken up that morning alone, so depressed that no one, including himself, gave a damn about the accomplishment he had fought so very hard for, that he didn’t care about doing this stupid ceremony nobody would see anyways the right way, the Harrington way.

So he didn’t show up to senior assembly or to any of practices, he didn’t earn any scholarships or awards anyways, and he felt he hardly deserved the passing grades he was most likely given by sympathetic teachers who knew him all too well from retaking failed classes for years. He didn’t really feel like there was anything to commemorate, so he showed up, but only for the piece of paper, and maybe a little bit to prove his father who said he’d never be able to do it wrong.

After the ceremony was finished, they turned the field over to families to take pictures with their graduates, and graduates to take pictures with each other. Billy got a handful taken of him and his family by the school's photographer and Susan’s camera too, and a decent couple of Polaroids with the real friends he’d actually made, Tommy and Carol and Heather.

There were no pictures taken of Steve on his big day. He’d gone straight to the auditorium and gotten his diploma for the folder they handed him on stage, then drove himself home before anybody could stop him and ask for one.

~~~~~~~~~

It happens again in June when grad party season hits.

Among the most anticipated invites was the one to Billy Hargrove’s graduation party. Everyone was sure he’d have a big house party for the seniors, he always brought the life to the party like Hawkins had never seen it, it only made sense he’d have his own.

But again, his peers are mistaken, because nobody gets an invite other than that same handful of friends, and they all get theirs, along with a tiny print of Billy's unrecognizably serious senior photos, in the mail just like the rest of the Hargroves’ extended family.

Because his party is a family affair, an open house from eleven in the morning to four in the afternoon at an outdoor pavilion in the state park, where he’s supposed to dress nice and greet every member of the family with the same practiced smile, regardless of if he even knew who they were, or if they could tell the difference between him and his cousins.

None of it felt like real family to him though, when not even his mother could be bothered to come despite the effort he went through to get her an invite, and him and Max both playing the role of perfect children so well they almost forgot the other was there.

So him and his friends just sit at a table in the corner between making his appearances with great aunts who he didn’t even know, acting like ordinary kids under the watchful eye of Neil Hargrove until it’s over and they get to pack up the green and yellow decorations bought to be recycled for Max’s party again in four years and count all the money he’d gotten in cards, which he was supposed to be saving for college.

Steve again is the one to meet those expectations they held for Billy, the fallen keg king maybe not as undeserving of the title as they had thought.

As it turns out, his parents hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize it was time already to celebrate him, and it was far too late to send out invites if he wanted to have it before it was socially unacceptable but their standards at least, too much of his family living in Italy anyways, so he just had his own party.

The sort of party where kids came for the liquor, uncaring about the host of the state of their house after they're done getting their kicks, as long as they have something to do and a chemical codependency to form.

A couple of kids do actually bring him generic cards as congratulations, without money in them of course because they knew who he was and where he live, but not that his parents were planning on cutting him off as soon as they could, but most everyone else just came to get hammered, basically celebrating their own graduation with Steve’s money.

He’s miserable. He gets just as drunk as anyone else and passes out halfway through the party, waking up to a trashed house and a few stragglers on his lawn. Definitely not the type of celebration one has for their child they’re so proud of, or even actually gives two shits about.

~~~~~~~

Another expectation shattered, was the rivalry between Billy and Steve. They were supposed to be bitter enemies, the ex king shown up and beaten by the one who’d go on to steal his spotlight, but while they were different, from their personas and from each other botg, they were very much the same, and they recognized that in each other.

After they had thanksgiving break to let the tension between them cool off, things moved quickly from making friends at a house party neither of them wanted to be at to making out in the back seats of the Camaro.

By June they’ve been going steady for a couple of months already, but even though they’re officially at boyfriends status, Billy doesn’t go to Steve’s party. It was the night before his own and he’s pretty sure Neil would’ve killed him if he had stumbled home wasted just a couple of hours before he was supposed to look nice and represent the family well. Steve told him he didn’t expect him to come to something like that anyways, knew the party scene was for the side of Billy everybody but Steve liked to see, so he doesn’t go.

Steve does end up showing at Billy’s though, not able to stay long because Billy was sure Neil would see them for what they were, even if another of the assumptions about him was that he and Heather were dating. So he just drops by with a card and his well wishes, pretending he was only there as a courtesy, being members of the same sports teams and all.

He slips the card in the box and gives Billy and Tommy a little, too cool for this, definitely ditching as soon as he can, wave, and that’s the end of it.

But what nobody knows, or could presume about them, is that Billy came back to his house that night, and they had their own little celebration, for the both of them. No parents who couldn’t be bothered or who controlled every last minor detail, no people there in the name of just family or just to have a good time.

Just Billy and Steve, the real them that nobody knew like one another did.

[raayllum]

What are some examples for you that, in your opinion, are the reasons Rayllum is a healthy romance while Catradora is not?

(This is not a ship hate ask question, I'm just curious since I've seen a few comparisons and I'd like to know more)

Short answer? Everything.

Long answer? Under the cut so people have an easy time scrolling past it if they want, since this isn’t quite my usual content. 

And special note to CA shippers: this probably isn’t a post you’re going to enjoy, nor is my mind really open to being changed if you disagree. This is my own personal discussion and opinion, not a debate, and it holds as much or as little weight to you as you want it to. Please choose accordingly whether you want to read something that may be upsetting or if it’s better to just scroll by. Do what’s best for you. 

TW: discussions of emotional & physical abuse

Okay? Okay.

Let’s get into it.

Now, to get the obvious out of the way:

1) Rayllum and C*tradora do have some similarities. Rayla and Adora both have swords and immediately switch sides when they realize their original side was wrong and decide to fight for peace; Rayla and Catra can both lash out when others are trying to get them to open up; Callum and Catra both have issues with insecurities / feeling inferior. The shows also touch on similar themes such as choosing your own destiny, breaking the cycle, overcoming negative parts of your upbringing (for Rayla in particular) and more. Largely due to Shera’s ending, I don’t think it handled any of these themes particularly well, unfortunately, but I will be keeping this specifically centred on the relationships out of preference and because this meta is already long enough.

2) Children can indeed abuse other children, the same way that children can bully/torment other children. Adora and Catra had a “golden child — scapegoat” dynamic with Shadow Weaver as their “shared parental” figure (a very common dynamic for siblings). Someone can be an abuse victim and also be an abuser. Mental health and abuse are explanations, not excuses.

3) No, Catra’s abusive behaviour towards Adora cannot be explained away under the guise of “friends to enemies to lovers.” Mostly because that would mean they’re both equally enemies to one another over the course of the show, like Catra doesn’t always hit Adora where it hurts 100 times harder. Nor can the 4+ seasons worth of harm all just all be magically swept under the rug by one apology and a season where Catra treats Adora the way Bow and Glimmer have been for the entire show. Beyond the really awful stuff — physically attacking and injuring Adora (in ways Adora never returns the same way, ie. scarring her), attacking and kidnapping her friends, electrocuting Adora (s4), trying to kill Adora, tasing her, drugging Adora to use her as a weapon (remember “White Out”?) — there are also far worse emotionally abusive behaviour underneath it all. Guilt tripping, blaming Adora for everything, consistently lashing out, being angry whenever Adora does something good for herself that doesn’t also benefit Catra, wanting to isolate her, not being emotionally supportive, etc. But I’ll get more into that later. Funnily enough, the fact that an abuser was abused doesn’t tend to actually matter to their victim. 

The crucial thing about Catra’s character and her relationship with Adora is that — rather than seeing Adora leaving the Horde as a moral/ethical thing (of which Catra the war criminal just doesn’t care as she becomes Hordak’s right hand woman) or even as Adora leaving an environment Catra knows is shitty (“They’ve been messing with our heads since we were kids”) — she sees it as Adora “leaving” her. She sees it as Adora choosing other people over her. And that’s been something Catra has seen as unacceptable ever since they were children, pushing/punching/scarring Adora on the face and making her cry when Adora is friendly with Lonnie and tries to convince Catra they can all be friends. It’s why she’s so angry about Adora “abandoning” her to be best friends with Bow and Glimmer, and the idea of Adora making the right choice in leaving an abusive environment and not her specifically never even crosses her mind.

The fundamental flaw in their relationship is that Catra never actually lets go of the belief that Adora abandoned her, or that Adora’s actions against her (y’know, when Catra was literally helping the Horde conquer the world and is the aggressor in every fight scene between them) were ever Justified.

[From the finale episode] C: So please, just this once — stay!

[The multiple and repeated times Adora tried to convince Catra to come with her and even said “I’m sorry for leaving” and “I won’t leave you behind again” and “Please stay, I need you”? Completely chucked in the bin, thanks for nothing - cause yeah, Catra, that certainly never stopped you from scarring or hitting Adora at any point in your life]

While watching S5 and the series through the first time I enjoyed their relationship and even shipped it (the turn around came two weeks later as the more I thought about their relationship, the less I liked it / more deeply uncomfortable I became with it), but one moment rubbed me the wrong way even the first way through it. In the penultimate episode — “Failsafe” as I’m counting the finale as one joint episode — Adora has taken the Failsafe to save Etheria. Delivering it to the Heart may kill her. However, as She Ra, she is literally the only person on the planet — which is about to end! — who can take it and not automatically die. Adora has also, already, taken the Failsafe. It can’t be removed.

C: Why do you always have to sacrifice everything for everyone else? Why are you like this? When do you get to choose? What do you want, Adora?

So despite being literally the Stupidest time Catra could have this concern — again, Adora has already taken the Failsafe, she can’t remove it, the whole world will end if someone doesn’t, and Adora is the only person on the planet where taking the Failsafe isn’t an automatic suicide mission — let’s focus on what happens afterwards, because That is what rubbed me the wrong way.

Adora has made a choice, but it doesn’t align with what Catra wants. So in the penultimate episode, and we’re supposed to believe Catra deeply loves Adora, Adora clearly states what she wants. She is scared of dying and of failing the world, she knows she’s put herself greatly at risk, and she understandably asks Catra — someone who is supposed to love her — for some goddamn emotional support.

A: Catra, please, stay. I need you.

And what does Catra do? She abandons Adora and basically says she’s a liar: “No, you don’t. You never have.” And she leaves Adora, sobbing alone in the woods, with the entire weight of the world on Adora’s shoulders. We later get more of an explanation as to why Catra left, as she states, “Adora chose Shadow Weaver, okay? Not me. Adora doesn’t want me! Not like I want her.” Catra sees Adora choosing the well being of everyone on the planet and her takeaway is, yet again, Adora choosing people over her, somehow. Even worse, part of Catra’s justification is that Adora, apparently, doesn’t romantically want her back.

Just to recap: it is the penultimate episode, the apparent girl you have “always love(d)” is about to possibly sacrifice herself and die, and asks you for emotional support. And then you abandon her because she doesn’t want other people to die and because she might not return your feelings. Are. You. Shitting. Me. 

But put a pin in that, cause we’re gonna come back to it later.

But you know what, why is Adora like that? Why does she always feel like she has to protect and save everyone else, even at detriment to herself? What could have possibly made her feel like a failure at protecting her friends? Who could have blamed her for all these problems that aren’t actually hers to fix, but it feels like they are? Gee, I wonder...

C: As long as we have this sword, we have the power to make her go berserk. We can turn the Rebellion's own hero against them. That's good. [to Adora, smugly] I wonder which of your friends I'll have you annihilate first [...] Are you kidding? I've got control of Adora. I am not giving that up.

A: [quietly, seriously] You wanna know the worst that could happen? Fine. I'm the heaviest hitter, so Catra will separate me right away. Trap me, take my sword, do something so I'm helpless when she turns on you. She knows everything about me, exactly what I'll do, exactly how to take me out. [...] Catra will make me watch all of it before she finishes me off, and then everyone is gone, and the Horde wins the war, and Etheria crumbles, and it's all my fault! [knocks all the figures off the table]

C: It's always the same with you, Adora. “I have to do this. Oh, we have to do that.” Let's be honest, all of this is your fault. If you hadn't gotten captured, your sword wouldn't have opened the portal. If you hadn't gotten the sword and been the world's worst She-Ra, none of this would've happened. Admit it, Adora, the world would still be standing if you had never come through that portal in the first place. You made me this. You took everything from me. You broke the world, and it is all your fault.

A: Why are you doing this [attacking me]? C: Because you left me! (early s1)

C: Where's Adora? G: She...She left us. She's headed to the Heart on her own. C: Of course she's gone! That's what she does, isn't it? (finale s5)

Because there’s nothing more romantic than basically telling someone you’ve “always” loved that the world would be a better place if they’d never been born, right? To the point where Catra basically becomes a trigger in Adora’s mind of how her dominos will fall and culminate in her losing everything she loves. To the point that Catra still acts like it’s Adora’s fault for taking the Failsafe. To the point that Catra’s ‘love’ for Adora reads almost entirely as completely selfish at basically every turn for the majority of the show.

Another moment that rang very hollow very quickly was the fight between chipped!Catra (aka brainwashed) and Adora in s5. Adora has come to rescue her after Catra made one (1) apology and sent Glimmer safely to Adora, doing one (1) good thing after season upon season of terrible thing. The show frames their face off as this big tragic fight — as most brainwashing plots tend to. The whole point of a brainwashing plotline, usually, is to have someone hurt someone they never would ordinarily. Except there is basically nothing that happens in the brainwashing fight in terms of physical harm that Catra hasn’t willingly inflicted on Adora in the past (the last time they saw each other in person, Adora was being electrocuted by ‘Catra’ — another character in disguise, but Catra gave the order for it and saw it happen, so). 

[Screencaps from s5 and s1 respectively, of Catra clawing at Adora’s back; in the lower picture, she breaks through cloth and rips through skin]

Horde Prime is seen as the ultimate evil in the series because he brainwashes people and sets them on their loved ones as well as being an abuser. And Catra does the exact same thing to Adora earlier on in the show (remember that “annihilate your friends” comment?) — and even if you aren’t willing to admit that Catra abused Adora, the show makes it explicitly clear she manipulated Entrapta and flat out abused Scorpia. But Catra is redeemable because...? (Don’t even get me started on the fact that Catra is responsible for the death of Glimmer’s mother, which is a massive deal in season four, and it’s never even mentioned, once, in season five, and Catra never has to face consequences for any of it.)

That being said, I’m actually not opposed to Catra being redeemed, nor was I ever, and I always thought she’d end up with Adora. But the path they took to get there, the utter lack and regard for Adora’s feelings, are incredibly bad and very transparent. The show and showrunners tried to patch this up with statements like, “Catra knew when she left Adora to die — after Adora had saved her life and was begging for help — that Adora would survive the fall from this cliff.” Which is all well and dandy for Catra’s characterization, but does absolutely nothing to address the trauma, or at the very least negative emotions, that Adora would have from that experience. 

That, combined with other prominent facets of emotional abuse in romantic relationships being

The abuser is angry with the victim for prioritizing other things (people, needs, career) over them = a lot of what I’ve pointed out above

The abuser gaslights the victim, saying the victim is to blame for their abhorrent actions (self explanatory)

The abuser seeks to isolate the victim = even Catra as a child not wanting Adora to have any other friends but her that was present at least until s5

The abuser will guilt trip and take out their rage on the victim for “leaving” them

The victim convincing themselves that if they just try hard enough, they can “fix” the abuser with their love, perpetuating the cyclical belief that the victim is really to blame for the abuse, etc. = “You’ve never given up on anything, not even on me” and again, fairly self explanatory

Which is too bad, because as a concept, C*tradora is great. Childhood best friends, raised together (take out some of the consistent resentment Catra harboured for the only person she claimed to love), pushed to be on opposite sides of a war (in which almost any chance — except for maybe two — that Catra has to ruin Adora’s life or hurt her, she takes). Then they end the war, hurray, and live happily ever after!

Anyway, now onto something far happier for me, at least, which is Rayllum.

Ah, Rayllum. A barely enemies to friends to best friends and lovers. Let’s revisit those brief similarities with C*tradora, shall we?

Rayla and Adora immediately defect and swords are involved. They have to turn against someone they love (Runaan, Catra) in order to do so. Rayla ends up aligning herself with Callum (and Ezran) as an ally rather than an antagonist. Even in the brief period she is an antagonist, Rayla quite frankly isn’t aggressive. She’s threatening, sure, and chases Callum down with swords — it’s scary, I won’t deny that — but she also immediately starts stalling.

Then, when Rayla actually does threaten him, she apologizes: “I’m sorry. I have to do this. I don’t want to, but I have to.” And she lets Callum stall her further in their ethical debate, and after he’s lied to her about his identity and run away again, and when the actual Prince Ezran has been revealed. So despite being enemies, either of them actually hurting each other willingly? Completely out of the question, except for one (1) kick Rayla gives him in 1x02. 

You also have Rayla’s similarity with Catra in terms of lashing out when someone tries to get them to open up. The difference is that Catra lashes out at Adora usually because of some negative emotional response ‘Adora’ has drawn out of her. For example, feeling rejected and abandoned because Adora was friendly with one of the other cadets.

Yes, Catra is an abused child and it feels like Adora is all she has in the world, but that doesn’t make that okay or healthy. Catra very clearly wants to keep Adora to herself and rejects any other possible friendships either of them could have. And Adora is also an abused child. Catra pushes Adora, makes her scream and cry, scars her across the face, all for Adora being friendly with another kid their age and coming to see if Catra is okay.

In contrast, Rayla tends to lash out because she’s crumbling under the weight of her own failures. Callum is not connected to why she’s actually lashing out at all. This is how Rayla responds when Callum tries to be there for her after she’s discovered the death of her father figure and has been banished from her village, just like her biological parents were, all of them branded as cowards (which is the worst thing someone in her society can be).

Callum isn’t injured, he’s not crying. He isn’t made to feel responsible for any of Rayla’s emotional turmoil; if anything it’s the opposite, as she places it wholly on herself and her own feelings of inadequacy. Rayla then opens up, processes her anger and grief, Callum is able to successfully cheer her up, and the next time they’re in a similar situation of emotional turmoil, she’s grown greatly. The scene above is also generally considered (and seen, in show) as Rayla’s lowest moment in many ways. Whereas for Catra, it seems like it could honestly fit right in with being a semi weekly experience. Again, I think the screencaps 90% speak for themselves, but this was just for clarity’s sake.

Then you have Callum and Catra. Both have struggles with feeling inferior. But Catra has a tendency to blame other people around her for everything (“You made me this. You took everything from me” and “Some people have a bad day. I’ve had a bad life”) Callum sees the fault line being in himself.

The only time he ever blames Rayla for anything is in 1x06 about rushing them and causing him to forget some of their supplies — a minor thing that she then just teases him over and something he apologizes for later — and for dropping the egg of the Dragon Prince as a spur of the moment reaction. Which he then almost says was his fault later on in the season.

This is especially important, because both Rayla and Adora deeply struggle with a fear of failure and many of their actions are defined by their self sacrificial streak. But Callum never blames Rayla for things, even when he would be justified in doing so, and Catra routinely harps on Adora’s biggest insecurity as a way to cut her open when Catra isn’t blaming her outright for things. Remember that pin we put in, earlier? We’re bringing it back now.

Because Rayllum also has a fight in their penultimate episode about one of them being self sacrificial and the other disagreeing. And it goes completely differently than the one C*tradora had in a few key ways.

1) Callum does not abandon Rayla for wanting to sacrifice herself. He does the opposite, elongating the conversation and trying to get through to her that this may not be the best thing. 

2) It is never, ever, Callum’s concern that Rayla is “choosing something” over him. It does not occur to him, he does not bring it up, his relationship to her — and by this point they’re actually in a romantic relationship — is seen as completely irrelevant to her levels of agency.

R: This all happened because my parents ran away, so I have to stay and protect the [sleeping] Dragon Queen. [...] C: Really? So, that’s it? Just… goodbye? You’re going to stay here and die out of pride? Oh? You have a nicer word for it? Honour? Redemption? It’s just pride! [...] Don’t let your parents’ mistakes drag you down. I know you feel guilty, but you’re not thinking straight! Rayla, you have to let it go!

3) Later after their argument, he calmly approaches her and provides a solution that places the full agency back in her hands. Rayla then resolves to include him in the decision making process.

Again, there are similarities: “Then you don’t know me at all. You never did.” and “No, you don’t [need me]. You never have.” But again, Rayla is the one who walks away from her and Callum’s argument, which is about her risking her life. Adora and Catra’s argument is at first primarily about Catra abandoning Adora in her greatest hour of need without saying goodbye (which Catra never apologizes for or even seems ashamed of) and then Catra switches gears and makes it about Adora. She says that Adora should care about her own needs, but when Adora expresses those needs, Catra ignores them.

The one time that Adora ever thinks Catra has come back for her, she’s surprised.

On the multiple occasions Callum goes back for Rayla (or she, him), she’s almost never surprised.

Which is really just reflective, honestly, of the fact that the vow Catra makes to Adora in the finale is basically the promise/offer Rayla makes to Callum... three episodes into the whole series, the first night they met each other.

Another direct comparison is the early conversations between each pair that we’re privy to. The conversation enclosed below (the bolding are my personal additions, not to indicate actual emphasis)

C: No way. You've been promoted? A: Well, kind of. I mean, yeah, I guess. Heh. But it's not a big deal. C: Are you kidding? That is awesome. We're gonna see the world and conquer it. Adora, I need to blow something up. A: Umm.. C: What? A: Shadow Weaver says you're not coming. C: What? My time was just as good as yours today. What is her problem with me? A: I mean, you are kind of disrespectful. C: Why should I respect her? She's just bitter that she doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hordak and everyone knows it. I guess it sure must be easy being a people pleaser like you. A: I am not a pe-- Catra, wait. [Sighs] Look, I'm sorry. I didn't even think you wanted to be a Force Captain. C: I don't. Here, take your stupid badge. A: Come on, Catra. This is what I have been working for my entire life. I was hoping you could be, I don't know, happy for me. C: Ugh, whatever. It's not like I even care. I just wanna get out of this dump at some point before I die of boredom. 

Let’s look over that conversation in more detail, shall we? This is supposedly when Catra and Adora were best friends and happy. This is the “positive” background given that “justifies” Adora’s continued investment in Catra even as she does more and more terrible things. But what actually happens? Adora reveals she’s been promoted. Catra immediately makes it about them as a unit / about herself; no congratulations or anything. Catra then insults Adora for no reason other than her own bitterness and resentment (which is ironic given her comment about Shadow Weaver). Adora apologizes for being promoted and not being able to magically read Catra’s mind. Catra insults Adora’s promotion and when Adora asks if Catra can be happy for her, because “this is what [she’s] been working for [her] entire life” Catra just completely dismisses her and makes it all about herself. Again. 

Below, I’m going to show one of the early disagreements between Callum and Rayla in 1x04 (roughly two days into them knowing each other). Callum said that she (as an elf) was a bloodthirsty monster in an attempt to protect her, although it still hurt Rayla. He’s relieved that they’ve made it out okay, but Rayla quick makes her displeasure known:

C: Ah, it worked. I can’t believe it. R: I can’t believe that you’re such a jerk. C: What? What’s wrong? R: You called me a bloodthirsty monster. You have no idea how that feels. C: But I don’t actually believe any of that, I was just trying to scare her. I thought she’d back down. R: Oh that went well. They tried to kill me! C: I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant to happen. R: Well it did.

Rayla insults him directly for something he’s done (not a decision someone else — Shadow Weaver — has made). She’s open and honest about her feelings. Callum clarifies his own — he doesn’t see her as a monster at all — but he can recognize that even though none if it was intentional, he messed up and hurt her and put her at risk, so he apologizes. And then never does it again, worrying about her being around other humans more than Rayla does throughout the rest of the seasons (1x07, 2x04, 3x08). 

Another notable difference in terms of just overall health is that unlike Catra and Adora, where Catra often slacks off in training and is then angry about being held back and Adora has actually put in all the work to earn her own accomplishments in the Horde... Rayla has something Callum desperately wants — a connection to an arcanum to do magic — that Rayla was born with and does not care about at all, and Callum never, even for a moment, resents her for it. Ever.

C: I will learn magic. It’s who I am. //  When I could do magic, I finally felt like myself. I’m just trying to find my way back.

Other Important differences:

Even when Callum and Rayla are angry or upset with each other, they never use it as an excuse to mistreat each other and they never take out their anger on each other — nor are they ever angry at each other for someone else’s words or actions. Callum is upset when he finds out Rayla knew about his father being gone and that she didn’t tell him right away, but all he says is this.

Even when Rayla is mad at him for doing Dark Magic, she still worries about him, makes sure he gets out safely, lays him down gently, and tends to him while he’s sick.

Another thing I love about Rayllum — and this is my aro-specness coming out — is the irrelevance of romantic feelings. Callum likes Claudia at first in 2x02 and Rayla doesn’t like watching them flirt, but she’s never possessively jealous whatsoever or angry at Callum for pursuing something else he wants. Callum also chooses to trust Rayla over Claudia in the end. Then in 3x04, when Callum has a big speech building Rayla up after her breakdown scene, (and he does know he has feelings for her at that point), Rayla kisses him. He fumbles through explaining he wasn’t saying all of those nice things about her just so she would kiss him. Rayla is embarrassed — and covers some of it up with anger — and views it as a rejection (she also saves his life and accepts his help like, three minutes later). But even when Callum is awkward about it the next day, Rayla sets it aside and puts his comfort ahead of her own hurt feelings or awkwardness, so that he can have an easier time of things.

Other comparisons:

A: Did you have to make [Catra] so mean? LH: The simulation is designed for total accuracy. Is the one you call Catra not mean? A: No. She is.

C: You never did have much faith in me. A: Can you blame me?

“Romantic” dancing versus two friends actually having a good time together

Before jumping off a cliff to follow/rescue their partner, Adora and Catra’s last interaction was Catra apologizing over a commlink and sending Glimmer to her. Before that, their last interaction was Catra brutally electrocuting her.

A: Can we skip the speech? I’m done playing your games, Catra. Too many people got hurt when you set off that portal [ie. Catra purposefully trying to end the world so Adora couldn’t ‘win’ and save it]. I hope it was worth it. Because I won’t let you hurt my friends or anyone else ever again.

When Callum leaps after Rayla, their last two previous interactions were both Rayla comforting him, taking his hand and silently asking him to be in the present with her, rather than consumed with worry in his head.

Other Notes:

1) I have no idea what Catra and Adora admire/like about each other. 

The closest I’ve got is “Hey, you were great out there” from Adora to Catra about her fighting skills when they were kids, and “You’ve never listened to anyone in your life, are you really going to start now?” (from Adora) and “You’ve never given up on anyone in your life, not even me” (from Catra). Even in seasons one and two for Rayllum, it is abundantly clear what they admire about each other.

C: I don’t get it, Rayla. Why are you so worried about a dragon that just set fire to a town? R: I’ve been thinking about something someone once told me. About how when one person hurts another, then that person hurts them back, it becomes a cycle that never ends. C: Who told you that?  R: You did. C: Oh. R: But Callum, to break that cycle someone has to take a stand when no one else will [...]  Protecting that dragon doesn’t just feel like the right thing to do, it feels like the right thing for me to do. It’s where I’m meant to be.

Don’t even get me started on season three (“He’s noble and true” “Rayla, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” “He’s smart and kind and brave and he’s—” “I’ve seen you get knocked down so many times and every single time you get up again. That’s real strength,” “I don’t think I can do it without him,” “Rayla is selfless, strong, and caring”).

2) This isn’t relevant to the discussion, but someone pointed it out once that when Shadow Weaver sacrifices herself so both of her adoptive daughters can get away, she erects a boundary to keep the monster out. Is there any particular reason she couldn’t have sealed all three of them behind the boundary and just closed the monster off in the other room? Genuinely asking.

3) Because it can be / apparently needs to be said, TDP is nice because Rayla is allowed to form healthy meaningful relationships with other characters, like Ezran, that exist completely separately from her relationship with Callum. Whereas Catra arguably gets Glimmer and all they do, more or less, is talk about Adora (again, Scorpia and Entrapta don’t count because those are abusive, unhealthy relationships).

Glimmer: Wait, are you—are you saving me? C: Not you. Adora.

4) For TDP, they take the character with massive fears of failure and pair her with someone who continually builds her up and says that things aren’t her fault and speaks up when she’s being treated unfairly (without treating her like shit for seasons beforehand). They take the character with inferiority issues and instead of giving them resentment, makes him deeply admire his love interest while she also validates the fuck out of him. Don’t get me wrong, Callum can be insensitive and Rayla can be snarky, but they give as good as they get (an equal standing sorely missing in C*tradora in every season, whether it’s causing physical pain to each other or Adora doing way more emotional support for Catra — the person who has caused her the most emotional distress in the whole series — than the other way around). But Callum and Rayla never belittle each other. Ever. Much less in the season where they get together.

I genuinely don’t know why SPOP thought pairing up a character with deep seated inferiority issues with the person they’ve continually resented, and the character with deep seated fears of failure with the person who has continually blamed them for everything, was a good idea. Especially when, as the screencaps and quotes show, almost none of that has changed in season five. All that’s really changed in season five is that Catra has stopped attacking Adora and started helping her, doing things Adora’s friends had been doing for ages without, again, treating her like shit.

Callum and Rayla meet on a mission of convenience and chance, and although imperfect, they always choose to care about each other. Catra and Adora, meanwhile, are bound together by who and where they raised — things they never ever had a choice in, which is interesting for a series that strives against the idea of destiny so heavily. 

5) Catra resents Adora for being a hero to everyone but her (ie. not focusing solely on protecting/saving Catra) and Callum admires Rayla for being a hero to everyone but him. Catra then tries to destroy Adora’s sense of self and wellbeing any chance she gets up until s5, but even then still resents her even when Adora is showing concern for her. It never, ever occurs to Catra until the season finale that Adora is someone who needs to — in the most literal sense of the word — be saved. Meanwhile, Callum knows this even before Rayla does. He knows she’s a hero, and he knows that sometimes, she’s the one who needs to be saved.

[Screencaps from 1x05 and 1x06 respectively]

[Followed by screencaps from 3x01, 3x05, and 3x09 respectively.]

Concluding Thoughts

As a queer afab, I find She-Ra’s portrayal of abuse in all of Catra’s relationships (the Horde trio — and even within that group, the treatment Kyle consistently receives — Scorpia, Entrapta) worrying, her “big epic romance” with Adora as “true love” most of all. Emotional abuse isn’t cute and passable just because it’s gay, with domestic partner abuse already not talked about in queer relationships, and something this messy and unhealthy being marketed in a show for small children who still like talking horses. I understand the appeal of the show and the ship — I was similarly drawn to it, for a while, for its “complexity” and “layers” — but that’s true too, of the emotionally abusive relationships I’ve been a victim of; I didn’t see them as abuse, either, until I was out or on my way.

Nor have I ever said in fiction that healthy relationships are the be all end all. People like the twisted shit. I ship some things purely for the fictional, non canon dysfunction of it all, and it’s really fun.

But, one of my favourite things about Rayllum is that they’re healthy, and supportive, and work through their problems with generally good communication. They both have trauma and issues, but they never act like those things are excuses in regards to how they treat each other (or even explanations) and you can actually buy that they’re best friends by choice.

And, in my humble opinion, are far healthier than C*tradora in every way imaginable — but that’s not exactly a hard bar to meet when the bar itself is Healthy Relationship.

[implexedactions]

Do Not Fight Back - Yandere Purge AU

Hey! So this was part of a server wide event I did with other members of Lovesick! They’re all super amazing and you should DEF check out the others who took part! This is inspired by the yandere purge AU created by @yanderemommabean (we have permission to use the AU). Read the linked post to find out more, but to cut things short. Yandere’s are legally free to capture their darlings, and it lasts from 6pm to 6am!

Beta’d by the best person ever: @drxwsyni

This contain YANDERE CONTENT!!!

---

It’s yandere purge night and you’re accidentally outside when it starts. It would be a shame if a certain flame hero was watching...

--- Your job ran late today, because of course it fucking did. It was yandere purge night, not that your boss seemed all that concerned. Although, from the look on his face…well, best not think about that. He probably wasn’t after you, hopefully. You walked down the urban street, past the closed shops and locked buildings. You glanced towards the sunset, the sun's orange glow disappearing over the horizon. Wait, what? It wasn’t THAT late, right? Sure, work ran late, but you finished at 5 PM, not 6 PM?

You opened your phone, you had…a minute before the sirens…fuck.

You dashed into an alley, crouching next to a vending machine, it wasn’t ideal, but staying out there could mean certain death. You’re an idiot for even letting this happen to you. You’re NEVER meant to remain outside during tonight. A yandere could kill you if they even THINK you’re trying to interfere. You rummage through your pockets...nothing except a phone and some loose coins.

The sirens ring throughout the city

No weapon, no quirk, no safety, no chance. You hold your head in your hands, freaking out. No one would think of helping you, you could be a yandere trying to get at them. Your best bet is to stay here until it is over, potentially using the vending machine for dinner.

Your phone buzzes.

---6:01PM---

[HellFire]: Hello.

[HellFire]: You do not know who I am, but I have been keeping my eye on you for a long time.

[You]: Oh god…please don’t say you’re after me…

[HellFire]: I propose a hunt.

[HellFire]: I catch you, the obvious happens.

[HellFire]: You evade me for the next 12 hours? You go free.

[HellFire]: The rules? Always keep your phone on you and online, I will be sending messages. Respond to my messages, or you will pay dearly. Do not worry about other people, if they try to hurt you, I will burn them to ash. If I catch you, no fighting back. Break any of the rules, and there will be hell to pay.

[You]: What?! Can I at least ask some questions? Is my phone bugged? Do you know where I am now? Can I hide or do I have to keep running? Why me?

[HellFire]: Mind, I do not expect you to win. I am the number one hero for a reason.

[HellFire]: The hunt begins. Do try to have fun tonight, my dear.  

…Endeavor?! Enji Todoroki, the number one hero, was after you?! You’d be flattered if you weren’t shaking with fear. You try to take some deep breaths.

---6:03PM---

[HellFire]: I would run, my darling… I doubt hiding behind a vending machine will do you any favours….

[You]: How do you know my location already?!

You run out of the alley; the street illuminated poorly by streetlights. Enji knew where you were, specifically that you were behind a vending machine. He’s either got cameras, or he was right in your line of sight. You sprint down the street, most people aren’t stupid enough to be out, and you give most yanderes a wide berth. You see one with a darling, you force your eyes away and continue to run.

Your lungs are burning, exercise isn’t your strong point, and one can’t operate on adrenaline alone.

---6:09PM---

[HellFire]: Tired already? I did not realise you were so weak…such a pity, I expected a fight from you…

[You]: No one expects to be running down a street from a goddamn villain?!

[HellFire]: …disrespect?

[HellFire]: Unacceptable.

As you’re running, a car behind you blows up, fire scattering onto the street. You still can’t see him.

You notice a mall still open. None of the shops would be in business, but the area might provide a suitable hiding place. You run into it, sliding doors opening to let you into the air-conditioned space. You steal a glance behind you, no one visible on the street or rooftops.

---6:11PM---

[HellFire]: A shopping centre? I hope you do not expect a gaudy fountain to save you.

[You]: Fuck you, honestly.

[HellFire]: That is quite a bold statement for someone in your position.

[HellFire]: Most criminals at this point are kissing my boots, begging for mercy, and yet, you show defiance. Breaking you should be fun.

You run down a corridor, reaching an entirely empty circular food court. Fast food shops line the walls, with two, opposite facing exits to the area, both leading onto streets. Silence is abundant as you run through, dodging chairs and tables, desperate to make it to the other side.

The sound of an electronic sliding door reaches your ears. Panicking, you dive over a business’s countertop, hiding behind it as you try not to breathe too loudly. You hastily switch your notifications off, so him texting you won’t reveal your location.

---6:15PM---

[HellFire]: You know something I learnt from my job?

[You]: What?

[HellFire]: Someone can know they are being hunted, but not know they are already trapped. The villains are overburdened by fear and hope, of both capture and escape. They desperately reach their hands out to touch a goal you know is impossible to reach.

[HellFire]: That feeling… of knowing their entire future is at my mercy…

[HellFire]: is sublime.

[HellFire]: …

[HellFire]: Say, how are you finding that uncomfortable food stall floor?

“Hello, darling…”

“No! Get away from me!”

You bound over the counter, avoiding his hands, and desperately try to reach the exit. You turn around, and he is just…standing there. Looking at you. With a smirking grin on his face. He’s wearing his hero suit, flames dancing up his body. He loves this, he likes thinking you’re some object to be captured. You run out onto the street, cold night air hitting you in the face, the sun has entirely disappeared now, all traces of it gone.

Where the hell can you go that you’ll be safe?! It hasn’t even been 30 minutes of this torture; you’ve got so much time left! Panting, you notice he has exited the building too, but he just stands there, looking at you, grin adorning his face. You spot a train station.

You run towards the train station and don’t look back. You jump the ticket gate, feeling that your life matters more than a civic duty. You run up the stairs onto the platform. The trains won’t be running, but maybe you can run along the tracks if it comes down to it? As you try to catch your breath, you realise something…you turned your phone notifications off in the mall, which means he could be messaging you, and you wouldn’t know.

Scrambling you pull out your phone.

---6:22---

[HellFire]: If I were you, I would not take another step towards that train station.

[HellFire]:  ...?

[HellFire]: Oh, are you not checking your messages now?

[HellFire]: I warned you, remember that…

---6:30---

[You]: I’m sorry! I swear, I didn’t mean to ignore it! It was my phone

[HellFire]: I can not believe what I just saw.

[HellFire]: You leapt over that gate like a common criminal.

[HellFire]: So, now I have to punish you for multiple reasons. You ignored so many rules…

[You]: I didn’t mean to, I swear! I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me!

[HellFire]: You fought back when you were captured.

[You]: It wasn’t fighting back?! It was escaping, capture would be grabbing me.

[HellFire]: You didn’t check your messages.

[You]: Like I said, my phone was off, it was an accident!

[HellFire]: You IGNORED my commands.

[You]: My phone was off! I didn’t KNOW there were commands!

[HellFire]: You broke the law.

[You]: I was going to go back and pay the $1.50 tomorrow!

[HellFire]: And we are only 30 minutes into this hunt.

[HellFire]: Tell me, darling.

[HellFire]: Did you really think you could outrun me?

[HellFire]: The top hero?

[HellFire]: I knew you were not the smartest person, considering, well, everything about you.

[HellFire]: But this really takes the cake.

[You]: Oh, honestly, fuck you. Why do you even WANT me?! We’ve NEVER met!

 [HellFire]: …you’re quite disrespectful…

[HellFire]: I will have to fix that.

“Face me.”

You whip around to see him staring at you, sadistic grin adorning his face. You turn to run, but his large hands grab your arms, holding you in place. He picks you up and turns you around, so you’re facing him. His hands are noticeably warmer than they should be.

“There. Captured enough for you?” He says with a smirk.

“Please! Just let me go!” You shout, struggling against his arms fruitlessly. You scream and kick, managing to bring a foot against his knee. He noticeably winces.

“I warned you about fighting back, you insolent brat!” His face steels as his hands become warmer. You can now feel his breath down your face as your squirm, desperate to escape the burning hands and singing clothes.

“I…I…Why me?!” Tears start to fall down your face as you realise this might be your fate.

“Because you shouldn’t be anyone else’s. Do you recall that train villain? Such a stupid villain, but I digress. I saw you try to help people, helping people off the train when it arrived at the station and calming that little kid. It was so…kind, so generous. You were a true hero. I need that in my life, so you are mine.” He at least has the decency to not look you directly in the eyes. His hands cooled down a bit while he was speaking. He seems somewhat ashamed by what he’s done.

Somewhat.

“You could’ve just approached me! Hell, I’m not going to turn down a meeting with the number one hero?! You’re a fucking idiot!”

“Attacking someone while they are vulnerable is usually considered bad form, brat. But I see you have no qualms attacking me.” His palms heat up again, but he seems to have a looser grip on you. Maybe if you…

“I’m sorry, okay? This is just a lot to take in. I…I do admire you, as a hero y’know? I always considered you so calming. You made the city feel so much s-safer, you made ME feel safer.” You look him in the eyes, trying to act as small and gentle as possible. His warm breath washes over your body as he seems to re-examine you. Just a little bit further and…

You bring your knee into his lungs as he is breathing in, winding him. He drops you and you turn on your heel and jump onto the train tracks, running off down the tracks.

He shouts after you.

“Bad idea brat! You want to be punished? Fine then!”

You stare ahead, no trains seem to be running, so you won’t have to make a choice between death and getting run over by a train. You follow the train tracks until you reach a tunnel. You turn around and see him merely walking menacingly toward you, not even running. He has such an angry look on his face, flame beard shooting out in rage. The fire touches a signal box, and it melts to the ground almost instantly. Yeah, no, you aren’t dealing with that. You turn and run inside the tunnel, desperate to escape him. You hear a roar from behind you as fire shoots past your head, hitting the cylindrical wall and dissipating.

“I missed on purpose, stop at once! I will not hesitate you ungrateful bitch!”

You stop and turn around to face him, tremors running through your body.

“Stop approaching me, please?! Can’t we just talk?!” You say shuffling back with each step he takes towards you.

He raises an eyebrow, and astonishingly, he stops, about 8 paces away.

“Fine.”

“I…please, just let me go! I don’t want this!” you say, tears running down your face.

“And why would I care what YOU want, bitch?”

“Because y-you love me o-or ..desire me or something?!”

“Pfft. Maybe, but you know how this works by now.” He takes a step forward, you stand still. His flames cast flickering shadows against the tunnel walls.

“I’m sure you have co-workers, family, friends, who disappeared never to be seen again, OR have a pet of their own.” He takes a step forward, you stand still. His feet leave the rocks red hot.

“You know you cannot escape me. It has not even been an hour.” He steps forward, you stand still. You can feel his heat now.

“Do you expect to run all over the city, making daring escapes and just barely being able to stay out of my grasp for 12 hours? To evade capture from the number one hero?” He steps forward, you stand still. His flames die down, but your body feels like it’s overheating.

“You woke up at 5:12 AM today and had a shift from 7 AM to 5:45 PM. You are not going to be able to keep up this adrenaline and energy til 6AM tomorrow. Being awake for 24 hours is not an easy feat, my dear.“ He steps forward, you stand still. Your tears on your face start to evaporate.

“Oh, do remind me to thank your boss for keeping you late. Money does wonders to people's sense of ethics.” He steps forward, you stand still. He chuckles quietly at the situation and examines your body.

“You cannot escape me, you have no quirk, no talents, no skills. This is not a fair fight because it is not a fight, my dear. It is a hunt, and you seem to have this silly notion that the fox can escape the hound.” He steps forward, you stand still. His hand reaches out to grab your arm, and you do nothing to stop it.

“Advice for your new life, when I give a command, my dear, it helps to oblige. So, hear me when I say: Do. Not. Fight. Back.”

You do not fight back.  

[oquinn53]

BNHA THEORY RAMBLING WITH SPOILERS

Okay so second bnha rambling with theories because I can’t think straight so I think of bnha! Specifically Deku.

Specifically, Deku’s endgame. There are so many theories out there and I just.... think about Deku specifically a lot. I mean he’s the protagonist and everything and I love him and a common theory that I actually do kinda think about a lot is Deku losing OFA. But I don’t think he’ll end quirkless. I think a lot of things need to happen but let’s start with me rambling about Deku’s characterization, how it can all be wrapped up in this:

Deku has PTSD. (This part is LONG and talks about masochism and mentions suicide and all that. Other points are shorter!) And I don’t mean post war arc or even post Bakugo’s kidnapping, if we want to go that far back. Deku has PTSD from the VERY start. This kid is a walking mental illness. Sources? Hi, I’m a Civilian With PTSD and I saw Deku at the beginning and I watched Deku’s horrible mental health deteriorate EVEN MORE than it started off as. This is really important to me, to state that he has it from the beginning, because I believe in the character growth and development. I might be talking out my ass but it’s fun so. Why do I say he starts out from it? Let’s look at symptoms.

A) hyperfixation, my old friend. Deku fixated hardcore on All Might and Heros in general. But he fixated specifically on All Might and he gets EMBARRASSED about it a lot. (Funny enough, the embarrassment of it is also a symptom of ADHD but I’m not as well versed in that). Hyperfixation is a very very common coping method.

B) His anxiety. Kinda self explanatory here. He’s a bully victim. He also has been literally classified as LESS. Quirkless. But also defenseless. Useless. We’ve heard that, his anxiety is there but it’s because of what DEFINES him. His self identity was born from what everyone else tells him. He’s a determined boy, but his sense of self is only wrapped up in what other people think—or specifically, what All Might thinks. Which blends a bit with...

C) A loss sense of identity. I talked about this a little bit he last part but Deku’s goal to become a hero is so tied to All Might that even when he gains the quirk, he has to have it beaten into him with warning of losing the use f his arms for him to realize he’s NOT All Might. But that’s still what he sees, even when he switches to using his legs more. He has no idea who he is. He just copies. He copies Bakugo’s moves again and again. And while it’s cool to see all the parallels and growth of Deku learning from others, there is a message of “making it his own” when Deku copies others again and again because he has no idea who HE is. He analyses like crazy because figuring out how other people do things is the only way he can figure out how HE can do things. Also, the whole language change because his image of victory is Bakugo? Literally his speech pattern isn’t his own, his every day one matching his mother’s.

D) repressed and heavily released emotion. He’s 0 or 100, both when he gets OFA and with his emotions. I mean. Feral!Deku. Do I need to say more? Yes, because I was to drive home how not okay Deku is from the very beginning. Boy cleans the beach and screams bloody murder. He has no idea what emotion to have and needs to let it out. Doesn’t matter he just did a shit ton of physical release, he has so much emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with. Just like Bakugo’s anger, Deku’s emotion usually comes out as his tears. Boy cries a lot but sometimes tears aren’t enough and Deku screams a LOT. Even his own excitement bursts out in bigger ways, with his mumbling and fact dropping (god, also slightly autistic coded maybe? Blurred lines with ADHD there, it again, not my area of expertise)

E) black and white thinking. He’s young, so that explains some of this but just like I mentioned above with the 0 or 100, he represents the mindset of civilians. He literally blinds himself at the very start to even what’s happening to HIMSELF. He sees hero and he sees villian and those are his two categories. Bakugo literally tells him to kill himself and Deku thinks about how that would negatively affect Bakugo. He doesn’t and never does see Bakugo as a villian for this. He sees “wow that wouldn’t be good for his Hero image” and because Deku sees Bakugo as a hero, everything has to fit into that. And while Deku has huge growth with this next part, he also originally viewed villains as just villains. He learned a LOT and while the society’s image becomes less black and white for him (because the whole manga revolves around the gray morality of it all) he still doesn’t see much gray area. It’s win or lose. With the sports festival, he literally won the race without his quirk. He got through the Calvary battle despite being a giant ass target. He placed in the top 8 (which he probably would have gotten higher on if his goal didn’t change) and despite accomplishing his goal with Todoroki, he broke down about not doing what All Might asked him despite gaining permanent scarring and a hell of a warning re his arms. But to point back at the beginning, this is reinforced with his entrance exam. Passing the written exam meant NOTHING because he did “””nothing””” in the practical.

F) last point, Deku’s a masochist. Obviously with the broken bones and things but I’m not even just talking about the physical damage he does to himself—which is, what, 95% of the time what he gets most of his wounds from? Anyway���I’m talking about his mindset. Masochism isn’t just the physical act of causing pain. It’s that mindset of deserving pain. The reasoning doesn’t matter. Deku only “betters” himself for the sake of giving more to others. He trains so hard, not for himself, but for others. On the outside it might seems like his goal of becoming a hero is his own but he sacrifices his body and dives into situations where he’s literally been warned he’s going to die and he just does it anyway. Eri’s Arc and him “changing the future” is what I’m referring to here and you could say “well he DID say he would change that future!” And okay, sure, but he was told Sir is never wrong. But he would rather rush into that future where he dies than take even a moment to think through his actions. But anyway, my point is him at the beginning so I specifically mean the training montage. Where he was ALREADY on a tough schedule that he knew would be difficult and he literally adjusted it and added MORE. Because, to circle back to other points because mental illness always overlaps points, he can only think of himself as 0 or 100, black and white, Able To Save or Failure. If he can’t be at 100 then he believes he deserves pain and causes it to himself. The only time he regrets his injuries is when it prevents him from giving MORE of himself to others. He learns his shoot style not because he doesn’t want to hurt himself but because he doesn’t want to become useless to others. He trains and loses sleep and puts his body through hell because he thinks of himself only as something for others. (I think wanting to save Shigaraki is a powerful moment not because it’s Pure Boy Deku but because it’a his own thinking, his OWN want, but.... it’s still not for him and will still cause him pain). And a last point on this, Heros Rising showed us that Deku is willing to give up his quirk and his dream to win and it showed us that while he believed he didn’t have any other choice, he was deeply disappointed in himself. Winning wasn’t enough. Hurting himself THAT MUCH wasn’t enough. He let All Migjt down and giving up his dreams, almost dying, becoming quirkless, all wasn’t enough to counteract the shame he held. Like god. Baby.

Other small observations or relevant commentary:

1) The doctor who told Deku he was quirkless is the same doctor who worked on Shigaraki. Same doctor who can perseve dead bodies. Same doctor who worked with AFO and all that. (See? Short! Will be relevant soon)

2) One for All is tied to All for One. OFA was literally created the moment a hand reached out to help. Can one even exist without the other?

3) Bakugo needs to apologize. Horikoshi has literally said in an interview post Heros Rising that Bakugo needs to apologize. Sacrificing his life to save Deku is NOT how you apologize to Deku. Deku will ask for a receipt on this type of apology. Return to sender. Unacceptable. So. Bakugo needs to apologize.

4) Deku’s dad isn’t in the picture yet. Hasn’t even been spoken of except for the fact we know his quirk is fire breathing and his name is Hisashi. Oh and he’s abroad. Oh and Horikoshi said he’ll be in the picture at some point. Given we’re in the final arc......... this might not be relevant at all to my theory because I have mixed thoughts on AFO being Deku’s dad but it would connect a few things in the theory.

SO. Finally, all of this together had me thinking about Deku’s characterization and what this (now with COMBAT related ptsd and not just civilian ptsd) means for his ending.

Like I said, I think he’s going to lose OFA. And I originally didn’t think so because Heros Rising showed his losing it and why would they do that again? The movie is canon. Horikoshi himself said so and was a huge part of the production of it. So they did that and wouldn’t do it again. Except.... Deku GAVE OFA away. Which is significant because it was his choice. And he had shame and we witnessed how much that hurt him, but we haven’t seen what’s now been tried TWICE: OFA being forcibly taken from him. Maybe by Shigaraki, since that is building up big time. But maybe by saving Shigaraki.

Either way, what’s more significant to me than how he has it taken is what that means for him, based on everything else above: he would lose his entire self identity. He would literally have no idea who he is anymore except for the only reference he’s ever had, which his from when he was quirkless. He gained friends only after he had a quirk. Every bond he has is tied to him being a hero and he was told it was impossible for him to be a hero without a quirk. Even All Might’s adjusted answer to him at the beginning involved giving him a quirk as the answer for him being able to become a hero.

I think this is the absolute perfect chance for Bakugo to say “since when did you need a quirk to be a hero”. And it doesn’t matter much what the context is, what causes Deku to still need to be a hero (whether a Situation or just an identity crisis) and I think about Quirkless Deku as a hero a lot, since that’s how he was originally written in the one shot before he was revamped for bnha.

But I don’t think Deku will end quirkless either because of who his doctor was. I think Deku had a quirk. I think the doctor stole it. Whether that’s because AFO is Deku’s dad and saw his quirk and knew he had to take it for some reason or whether it was independent and the doctor saw it and took it. The whole toe thing can be written off so easily that Deku could easily have had a quirk at some point.

And maybe, if AFO and OFA are cancelled out, the quirks that were stolen go back to their original owners. Meaning Deku gets his ORIGINAL quirk back.

As in, Deku gets his own identity.

And what would that quirk be? Hm. I don’t know. But. His mom can move small objects. His dad can breath fire. A mutation, maybe? I’ll leave that one up in the air.

And there are a lot of implications here that this could mean for him, as far as healing. And I just want him to be happy.

[laddieseddiemunster]

Little Sister (platonic)

This is for the anon who gave me the ask about a 13/14 year old that the boys accidentally turn, and they like to sneak out a lot. I kind of lost your ask but if you see this than this fic is for you.

context: the boys accidentally turn a 13 year old that likes to sneak out a lot, but the boys soon realize that she’s not a bad addition to their group.

warnings: mentions of alcoholism & violence

the boys hadn’t meant for this to happen. they didn’t even know you. they just came back from the boardwalk one day and saw a kid passed out on their couch. not exactly a kid. more like a young teen. marko was about to take a bite out of you before he noticed you didn’t smell human. you smelled like they did. well half. part vampire blood and part human. david had noticed that their glass with the blood in it had been misplaced. the boys put the pieces together and realized you drank the blood. david still wanted answers, so he woke you up by using some mind tricks. 

you woke up with a groan while holding a hand to your chest. “what was in that drink?” you asked pointing to the broken glass on the floor.

david bent down to pick up some of the broken glass. “you drank this?”

“yeah! what was in it? it tasted awful!” you asked them rubbing your eyes.

“who are you? what are you doing here?” paul asked not ready to explain to you what exactly you just drank.

“who are you guys?” you asked back.

“i asked you first,” paul snapped.

you rolled your eyes knowing you were going to have to start from the beginning. you were a runaway. your parents were alcoholics and you couldn’t take their crap anymore so you left. while looking for a place to stay you found the cave, and obviously all the “do not enter!” signs made you want to investigate more. when you came in the cave you were super thirsty and ended up finding the glass of blood. you assumed it was wine or something, but when you drank it it tasted horrible. soon after you felt a pain in your chest and you passed out on the couch.

all the boys looked at each other wondering how the hell they were going to explain to you what you just drank.

“so uhh, what’s your name kid?” marko asked sitting next to you on the couch.

“[name], and i’m not a kid! i’m 13,” you replied.

“13? that’s still a kid,” paul chuckled.

you rolled your eyes. “whatever. what are your names?”

paul decided to take charge while david walked away thinking of a way to explain this to max. “well, i’m paul!” he said holding his hand to his chest. he pointed to marko that was sitting next to you. “that’s marko.” he then pointed to dwayne who still hadn’t said a word. “dwayne.”

“who’s the mullet guy?” you questioned.

“im david,” you jumped as he suddenly appeared right behind you.

“so...do you guys live here?” you asked looking away from david.

“yep,” david explained the whole incident that happened years before.

dwayne still hadn’t spoken and even refused to look at you. he was worried about you, and the explanation they were going to have to give to max was making him anxious. paul was worried, but he tried to act like nothing was going on. marko was still processing it all, and did not want to be the one to tell you what was in that drink.

“okay great. now what was in that drink?” you were smart enough to know that they changed the subject on purpose.

“[name], try to understand this,” david paused. “we’re not...human.”

you scoffed thinking this was some prank. “oh really?”

“what you drank was blood,” david paused again. “my blood.”

“EW!” you exclaimed jumping from the couch. “thats disgusting! you have to be lying!”

“it’s true,” paul spoke as he sat on the couchs armrest.

you shivered in disgust. “why did you have your blood in a bottle in the first place!”

“we’re not human,” david repeated. “we’re vampires...and so are you.”

“i’m a what?” you asked not understanding what they were trying to tell you.

david knew that you wouldn’t believe them if they just told you, so he turned around and when he turned back he was completely transformed into his vamp face.

you gasped and jumped back trying to get away from david, but instead you landed in marko’s lap. he grabbed your shoulders tightly so you couldn’t get away.

“this is what we are [name],” david said and changed back into his regular form. “this is what you are.”

“h-how,” you whimpered holding onto marko for some sort of protection.

“in that bottle was my blood,” david said while taking a step closer to you. “i am a vampire,” he took another step. “and you drank my blood,” another, “so now you’re a vampire,” david said while standing over you.

“is...is that true?” you asked paul who was still sitting on the armrest.

“yep! now you’re our little sister!” he said with a big smile on his face.

“sister?” you asked.

“you’re one of us now, so now you stay with us,” david said with a slight smirk on his face.

“but i don’t want to! i don’t even know you guys!” you said getting up from marko’s lap.

“well maybe you should think twice before drinking something from a random cave,” david said. he wasn’t wrong. for all you knew the drink could have been 100 years old and rotten. now that you think about it, it probably is.

“marko!” david spoke stopping your daydreaming. “show [name] her room.”

marko grabbed your arm leading you to the room. it wasn’t far from the main area in the middle of the cave, so there was really no privacy at all. the room was pretty plain. just a bed and some blankets covering the entrance.

“is this kidnapping?” you asked him and sat on the bed.

marko chuckled. “not necessarily.”

“it sure seems like it.”

“well its not.”

“then what it is?” you asked.

“you drank the blood, so now you’re automatically one of us!” you could tell he was getting frustrated.

“what if i don’t want this?!” you asked raising your voice at him.

marko sighed and looked to the ground. “look, i’m sorry if you didn’t want this, but we can’t change it now.”

“you’re telling me that there is no way i can change back?” you asked him.

marko just shook his head and left the room. you laid down on the bed trying to take in everything that they just told you. first, you ran away from home. second, you walked into the worst cave you could’ve ever chosen. third, now apparently you’re a vampire.

as a couple days went on the boys taught you how to calm to urge to eat people, they explained to you that you were half, and then david explained that eventually you will have to kill someone or you’ll be half forever. david isn’t very patient, so when you asked for some time before you make your first kill he wasn’t too happy about it. david has been killing people for decades, so to him it’s no big deal.

at first the boys thought your addition wouldn’t be too hard. then they realized you were a bit of a handful. not even a week with the boys and you had already snuck out twice. the first time you didnt get caught because it was during the day. the second time you did. your friends had told you before you became a vamp that they were having a party, and you weren’t one to miss a party. so you left while the boys were still asleep, and you were planning on coming back to the cave before they woke up. unfortunately, you lost track of time and when they woke up they noticed your disappearance right away.

david was furious. he hates when people don’t do what he says, and especially when it’s people he lives with. he is also slightly worried because a non experienced half vamp could be dangerous. dwayne was more worried about your safety since you’re pretty young, paul was upset that you didn’t follow orders, and marko was worried that you might have ran into hunters or you were badly hurt.

the boys found you pretty much right away. all they had to do was track your scent in the air and follow it. a vampires scent stands out in a group of people. the party was full of young and some older teens. even though the boys are the feared motorcycle gang of santa carla they still managed to get into the house party. david was determined to find you, and nobody better try and stop him.

when the boys found you they basically had to drag you out of there. you didn’t want to leave and they weren’t in the mood to argue. you knew you were going to have to come up with some explanation on why you left the party with a bunch of boys to your friends. dwayne, paul, and marko knew that david was going to let you have it when they returned to the cave, and he did just that.

“why did you leave the cave without permission?! you know that unacceptable!” david yelled loudly scaring marko’s pigeons.

“i went to a party, and because i felt like it,” you said not caring that you were breaking rules.

“you’re on thin ice kid!” david yelled again as the other boys watched from a distance.

“oh yeah? what are you gonna do kill me?” you were pushing his buttons and you knew it. “well guess what? i didn’t choose to be here, so i don’t have to do what you say!”

as time went by fights would happen almost daily, and there was never really a winner. david would usually get tired of yelling and just ignore you for the rest of the night. he still cares about you, but you refused to obey his orders. the boys stopped trying to prevent you from sneaking out. for once, they just gave up and let you do what you wanted.

it was great at first being able to do what you wanted, but that came to an end when your friends started to make rumors about you. it turns out that your friends were jealous that you hung around with the boys, so they decided to talk bad about you behind your back by saying you were sleeping with all of them. soon all your so called friends were no longer looking your way, and that means goodbye party’s. everyone believed the rumors and thought you were sleeping with four older boys.

the boys noticed that you hadnt gone out in a while, but they decided not to ask any questions. you guys still weren’t on good terms, and the boys didn’t want to make the relationships any worse then they already were. marko was the first one to find out about what happened. he had gone out on his usual chinese food run and he came into your room to give you some food he saw you crying softly on your bed. “what’s the matter lil sis?”

when you told marko exactly what happened he was ready to go out and feed from your friends. even if you weren’t on good terms with him you’re still his little sister, and no one hurts you and gets away with it.

instead of letting him murder your friend you decided to take matters into your own hands, and he knew what that meant.

before you took the matter into your own hands you wanted to mend your relationships with the other boys. if they’re the only people/vamps that still care about you then you mine as well get used to them. dwayne is probably the easiest one to gain trust of again. he understood that you are just a kid, and you want to live your life. dwayne isn’t one to make you try hard for his acceptance. a simple apology and you’re already on his good side. paul and marko pretty much go the same way. they really don’t take anything too personal, so if you make them upset they’ll just get over it in like an hour. david is a bit more difficult. he doesn’t like people doing things without his permission. which is exactly what you did. when you apologized for sneaking out all he said was “okay,” and nothing else. he didn’t even look up at you. even if the apology wasn’t enough you already had a plan to gain his acceptance.

“i’m ready to make my first kill,” you said out of the blue. all of the boys stopped whatever they were doing and looked directly at you.

paul immediately grew a smile when he realized you weren’t kidding. “really little sis? you’re ready to become one of us?”

you nodded with a smile.

“are you sure this is what you want?” dwayne asked you. he wanted you to turn, but he didn’t want it if you didn’t.

“yes. i’m sure,” you confirmed.

“well, then what are we waiting for?” marko asked with his mischievous smile making an appearance.

before the boys could pick out a random person on the beach for you to kill, you told them that this was a revenge kill. you wanted revenge on your fake friends that spread a rumor about you. they weren’t about to get away with it.

the boys were eager to watch this go down, so they came up with a plan. marko and paul would find your old friends at the boardwalk and use charm to win them over. once your friends had been won over by the blondes then they’ll take them to the bonfire for a “party”. and that’s where you’ll be waiting to strike.

you knew your “friends” wouldn’t say no to marko and paul. they were just dying to go on a date with one of them.

when you were waiting for the big arrival with david and dwayne you suddenly heard the sound of two motorcycles coming up to your location, and marko and paul whooping.

“remember, this is your first kill. it doesn’t have to be too gory. if you need help just tell us,” dwayne said.

“dwayne, enough.” david said and dwayne stopped talking. david walked up right behind you and whispered, “remember how much they hurt you. remember how much pain they put you through. make them pay for what they did to you. they deserve it.”

anger took over your body and you couldn’t even hear what david was saying anymore. all you could think of is how they just dropped you because they were jealous. now, it’s your turn to drop them from the face of the earth.

suddenly, your vampire face that you kept hidden so well was now out for the world to see, and you were ready for revenge. you could smell their blood in the air as they walked up to the bonfire seeing no party. before you knew it you were jumping the one that was closest to you and biting their skin as deep as you could. you could taste their blood in your mouth as you sucked the life out of them. it was a taste that you never wanted to leave your mouth, but you weren’t finished yet.

your other “friends” were now running for their lives, but you easily caught up to them. one by one you drained the blood out of each of their bodies while ripping their arms and legs to hear them scream. they were all left lifeless, skin white as the full moon, and completely torn apart. you were satisfied. it’s like you were born for this. you felt alive even though you clearly weren’t. with blood all over your face and body you turned back at the boys.

they all looked speechless. they expected you to ask for their help, or to even struggle a little bit. you did the exact opposite. you didn’t need their help at all.

paul was the first one to walk up to you. he picked you up from under the arms and spun you around. “damn lil sis! you’re a natural!”

“yeah!” marko chuckled. “who taught you that?” none of their first victims were killed liked you killed yours.

“how do you feel? any different?” dwayne asked.

“yeah.” you said wiping some blood on your clothes. “different. not sure how to explain it.”

“don’t worry. you’ll get used to it,” paul said patting you on the shoulder.

david walked up to you and put his hands on your bloody cheeks. he looked down directly in your eyes. “congratulations [name]. you’re officially full. you’re one of us.”

[instituteled]

Camp Here & There E11-20 Sentence Meme

Slightly altered for roleplay, change pronouns as fit. Faint Themes of Death, Manipulation and Horror. EP 1-10.

You ever come across that statue, do not look her in the eyes.

He has told me that his dreams tend to heavily feature cinnamon.

Kind of cheating, but, I mean, if I didn’t want it to happen, I should’ve made a rule against it. 

I love a little intrigue as much as the next guy, but you aren’t being paid to entertain yourselves.

But this beauty — like all things — was not meant to last.

Your behavior today was unacceptable, and I intend… to correct it.

I’m beginning to think that he doesn’t care about me at all anymore, and… part of me wishes that he’d just admit it.

I guess I’m just being delusional or something. Delusional, and stupid, and annoying … ahaha.

One day… I’ll feel it crawling around under my skin… 

I probably killed more of those plants than I kept alive

Don’t eat the gosh darn flowers!

This wire is pulled so tight it could slice right through you!

I rather expected that if he came at all, he’d just sit down on a mossy stump and brood, yknow, dragging his hands down his face the way he does.

And through the grisly bite marks all over her body, we could see all her joints and tendons rotating and stretching far beyond capacity…  

I haven’t been touched so gently in years.

It was cozy and safe, like a prison.

I knew they were dead, and kept only in mockery, rather than as an extension of their existence like many wish to believe.

It made me sick. It felt like home. 

You despised your lying, poaching grandma.

There’s a ghost in it. 

Of course I respect you. And I know I seem distant, but I always make sure to listen when you tell me things. Now don’t worry about that.

 I know I’ve constructed a few effigies in my time. 

He’s got a debilitating fear of shelled animals, and educates himself on such matters in order to ensure his safety.

Choking down your screams when it hurts so much you feel like you might die… is something only humans should do.

It’s because the only thing I can control in my life is my own mind, and he takes that away from me.

The possibility that that man could permanently damage my ability to trust or control my own mind… I can’t think of anything more terrifying.

They’re not — they aren’t supposed to reply. 

 I’ll just assume they’re all ignoring me, like they always do.

Well, speak the Queen’s English if you want me to comprehend you.

It sounds positively romantic. I’ve always wanted to be killed by something that loved me.

But mere moments later, they all came stampeding out, screaming their heads off!

A slithering monstrosity living in the pipes, I can handle.

You have to believe me, this is going to hurt me as much as it’s going to hurt you.

We can’t protect them forever.

That’s a shitty, lonely way to live.

The things that live in here must want us to lose track of time.

Because their stories about him come off to me like the products of a kid’s imagination.

You’re one of the few people around here who usually uses his head.

Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself that — trying to help certain people in certain situations can make things worse for everyone.

I’m terrified by the way that man made me feel. What about my safety?

Ahh. It’d be manipulative to show you. I’d only be causing trouble.

Men. Men sure are mysterious.

Life is the same no matter where you are… you get itchy. You get hungry. You get hurt.

I like animals because they never forget to be scared: of starving, of getting eaten, of getting hurt or sick.

I should never have forgotten to be scared.

Better start appreciating that precious youth of yours, because it is once again slipping through your fingers like sand!

A  fate which, I imagine, is far worse than death. Though they would both be changeless states, at least oblivion frees you from the pain of awareness!

Even a mysterious, stalkery hooligan needs to take the day off now and again.

But it’s good to know if we ever need to defeat him, we can just unplug a lamp or something.

At the very least, please stay away from the cats.

To think, back then, I thought my life couldn’t possibly get worse.

We’re here to set the record straight: feeding someone one of these oranges would legally be considered assault with a deadly weapon.

If anyone’s organs have gone missing, I want to find out before your parents do!

Take this opportunity to let go of the idea that your struggling will get you anywhere. That you even have anything to struggle for.

I feel like the bread at the bottom of the bag, squished out of shape by the twist-tie, with the crust on the back.

I just have to bend, and bend, and in no particular direction, until eventually I snap.

I was wondering how that was possible. How he could love something so much… and forget to feed it.

If he didn’t value these creatures when they were alive, why was he so affected by their deaths?

But I like endings; I like closure.

Ha. Abandoning your child in a lake . . . . so that’s what motherhood means for you?

Since then, I’ve spent a lot of time teaching myself what love is like.

He’s already controversial enough with the local bee community.

Ah, “friend,” is it? Is that what you two’re callin’ each other these days? Eh? Not “darlin’” anymore? Or whatever happened to “sweetheart?”

All I can say is, if you don’t care enough to tell me the truth, this must not matter much to you.

What’s one more head at the bottom of a lake, if it means one more day that he gets to live?

We were completely, hopelessly trapped.

I’m always an emotionally sensitive person, but in that state, even the slightest sensation of disappointment or satisfaction could completely overwhelm me.

He likes to try to change the subject with flattery.

I got a primary school education. I know how the color wheel works.

He gets you to — banter with him. Until you forget what you were actually mad about in the first place.

Can’t get hurt by a conversation I never have!

It’s like he has no grasp of consequences or personal responsibility at all.

I — how do I explain to you that you need to care about other people?

Half the time, I’m close to passing out because I’m having a panic attack about the fucking sky.

And I think you’d like it down there in the tunnels … I could show you around.

[thenotetoselfpod-hq]

“The answer is yes if you were wondering if y’all were spoiled. Whew, Chile. Don’t ask me for NOTHIN’ else.” Zion chuckled sweetly as she dramatically cleared her throat. “Lets get into it. Welcome back to another episode of the Note to Self podcast where we talk all things self care of the body, spirit, mind, work ethic, sprinkled in with a whole lot of motivation to carry us into a new day. I am your host Zion Taylor and with me in my makeshift studio is my lil baby who listens to all of my problems, my boss friend THEEEEE Brilliant O’neal.” Zion air claps as she smiles over at Brilliant. “How are you on this lovely day, mama?”

“Hey, hey, hey! I’m so excited to speak to the note to self listeners all over, it’s been fun listening in and making my own input here and there but wheww being here feels so rewarding.” She said warmly before playfully exhaling. “I’m doing good, managing like I usually do but good nonetheless. How are you?! What jewels do you plan on dropping for the people today?”

“I’m probably doin’ a little less good than you since you’re managing but girl .. I cannot complain at all. So thankful to have you here for this episode and to just catch up. We’ll get into the tea of it all a little later. We start every episode with a brief recap and I wanted to thank everyone, again, for all of the love. I hope you all were inspired to really keep killing shit in the industry that you’re in and watch the doors open up for you. Last weeks top listeners were the beauty that is known as @royalnike who spoke about her Black Owned Mechanic business and the short term goals that she has for herself in that business. Of course you, Mrs. Brilli Dis, founder and owner of The Glamour Parlor, and the beautiful @syxrai, who I’m obsessed with on IG by the way, but who also is a film producer ALL shared your short term goals which inspired me tremendously. If you missed out on that go give it a listen and drop your own goals in the comment section.

Music is the only thing that gets me through my week sometimes. This week is on you because Channing is still pressed about Good Days so that shit rings in my head every day because of her.” Zion laughed, “What have you been listening to this week? Any new music you wanna share? Put us on.

Brilliant cracked up in laughter at the mention of Channing. “That baby got taste, because that’s my jam! But this week I’ve been on my Gangsta Brilli, I’ve been playing A Gangsta’s Pain by MoneyBagg on repeat. I think his track with Jhené is the perfect vibe, so if y’all need something to vibe to, with a nice little glass of wine, One of Dem Nights, but the whole album bops.”

“Okaaaay. Now see I haven’t always been a MoneyBaggYo fan up until his songs started getting airtime on the radio. I’ma definitely have to give that a listen once Channing is done boppin’ to her fave.

And that brings us right into the TEA for the day. I’ve known Brilliant for several years now and I feel like I’ve only known her as this amazing business women, wife and mother. We both know how crazy it can be going from Hashtag Living Single to Mommy Duties real quick once you’re married and have wifely duties, etc. How long did you know your Husband before you two decided to make it official AND tie the knot? Was marrying young something that you were open to or did it not matter? What’s that young love story you can’t wait to share with your kids?” Zion smiled as she looked over at Brilliant.

“So I always tell people that me and my husband’s love story is literally crazy, and I don’t think it could’ve happened any other way. Because were short on time, for the real how we met tea, watch our YouTube video! But..I think we dated for about a year before I got pregnant and just because of the type of man he is and how in love we were, and how happy we were when our son Justice was born, we got married when he was about 3 months. I honestly didn’t see myself marrying that young or having children..and my life did a whole 180. I just thought damn I’ll probably hate it here but when you have that person to make those defining moments with..it was a breeze and I found myself being happier with my little family than when I ran the streets. I don’t think marrying young is for everyone but when you make the right decision..man the moments you’ll create..priceless. Still a hot girl though, don’t get that twisted.” She said with a playful laugh.

“EXACTLYYY. I have to remind Lex all the time when he sees me playing dress up in my boots and coochie cutters that mama BEEN a stallion, okay?! Hot Girl Summer me, please!” She laughed, “No but seriously the feeeeels. I’m obsessed with the love you two have for each other. It’s infectious. But I’m sure it hasn’t always been cupcakes and rainbows, right. Y’all, shit gets real after the wedding and the vows and even after that honeymoon phase. I know for me and Carmelo, I’m more of the opinionated one and I really had to learn to step down and let my man LEAD our home. We were pregnant before the wedding ... liiike ya girl had her dress taken OUT 4 times before I was satisfied with how my hips looked in it.” She chuckled, “You said something so special, when you have that person to make memories with you will DEFINITELY not want to live a single day without them and expanding that love into children only makes it better. Melo was trying to get me pregnant BEFORE he proposed to me and I wasn’t having it because at the time I was dealing with fertility issues and having a baby seemed damn near impossible. I always say that he spoke the life of our son, Lexington, into existence because I didn’t think that I could physically carry.” She stated, smiling again at the thought.

“I remember you alls last video where you announced the pregnancy of my other child, Jewel” She chuckled, “Um, what was the experience like for you? Having to go through all that you did for the blessing that is currently your literal shadow. She looks like her Daddy but has your everything else. What was that like?”

“That’s your child for sure.” She said with a laugh. “It was actually on the difficult side, she’s my rainbow baby. I suffered a miscarriage and some issues with fertility so I actually got pregnant with Jewel through IVF. I adore her, it’s scary having a mini version of myself. Someone who’s with all my hair, makeup and nail antics because my son Justice is not with it at all! He won’t even let me take his picture half the time.” She laughed momentarily. “I know it’s the same way with you and my baby Channing”

“I can imagine it being extremely difficult. When God’s mind is made up we can only pray that He’s included us in His plans and when he made Channing? He definitely had me in mind.” She laughed. “I still don’t know how we got so lucky but I don’t question anything. She’s obsessed with all of my clothes and hair and everything in between.”

“The last thing I wanted to talk to you about is what’s been going on in the media with Porsha, Falynn, and the Husband who I don’t even know his name yet. So Porsha Williams brought onto the Real Housewives of Atlanta show her friend Falynn a few years ago. Maybe like two seasons ago. This is someone who was also featured on this last season of the RHOA show that was filmed in 2020. Apparently the two are no longer friends and Porsha is now ENGAGED to Falynns’ Husband because they haven’t even gotten a divorce yet. I wan’t to know your thoughts on the whole situation. What type of friendship dynamic do you think they had for Porsha to be comfortable MARRYING this man?”

“Engaged. To. A. Former. Friend’s. Husband.” She said slowly before letting out a low sigh. “Now, the first mistake she made was being engaged or dating a man who is still married. I don’t care what the circumstances are, he is legally married! It is literally code and decency not to date or marry after your friends. If y’all are friends or have ever called each other friends, that’s just unacceptable. I would beat the breaks off anyone I called a friend for going after my husband if we ever were to divorce. That’s just grimy and I don’t think Falynn is mad enough. I do know though, one of my followers who is a hair stylist said how she married one of her old client’s ex husband and child’s father. Do you think that’s acceptable? Say I did a woman’s hair for years and nothing besides that and I went on to date her ex?”

“Absolutely not. Unacceptable and I’m the type of crazy that belongs in jail so you already know how that’s gone gooo. It’ll forever be up until they give me life.” Zion laughed and shook her head, “Period. Porsha is most definitey a fucked up individual but I would LOVE to hear y’alls thoughts on the matter so leave alll comments in the comment section below.” 

“Thank you all so much for listening to me and Brilliant catch up. Brilliant please tell my listeners where they can follow you and how they can support The Glamour Parlour. Alsooo, when’s the next brunch or giveaway?”

“It has been sooo fun talking with you! I’m glad I got the opportunity to talk with to boss friend Zion! I get this question a lot..so often.” She let out a low laugh. “All I’ll say is to stay tuned, we’ll be turning up soon and the giveaways won’t stop!”

“Ayyyy so there it is people, the beautiful Brilliant O’neal. Be sure to check her out across all social media platforms at @brillixdis​ and I’ll talk to you in the next episode. Byyyyyyyye.”

[zirkkun-uthcs]

Generic Headcanons (Sanses)

This list includes short bits of information on the various Sanses to be included on this blog. If you’re looking for a specific one, please use CTRL+F to search for the AU, due to the length of this list. Reminder as well that most of this information is entirely headcanon. If there’s canon information that I’ve messed up somewhere on this, please let me know so I can fix it and adjust accordingly!

Please note: When answering asks, I will first list the character being requested in the format of AU!Sans, but the nicknames here are listed because sometimes I drift off while writing and lean towards those names.

Undertale

Nickname/s: Comic, Tale Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / asexual

+ takes a lot of time to like someone at all, usually by default doesn’t trust people + isn’t a fan of physical contact, but if someone was to manage to get close to him, he’s incredibly cuddly + horrible with directions, will get lost really easily; uses shortcuts to make up for it

character tag

Underswap (original concept by p0pcornpr1nce, who has left the fandom and deleted the content)

Nickname/s: Blue Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: non-binary Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / bisexual

+ is a pun connoisseur; will only accept the best puns, anything less is just unacceptable + is emotional, but tries to hide it because he feels the need to keep on a strong persona for the sake of everyone else +  is secretly an incredibly talented writer and has a lot of written works in his room

character tag

Underfell (original concept by Vic the Underfella)

Nickname/s: Red, Fell Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: panromantic / pansexual

+ is extremely self-conscious and hides this by acting like as much of a confident asshole as possible + crushes incredibly easy due to the lack of caring people he has in his life, but refuses to believe he’s lovable + secretly hates cats. doomfanger may or may not be the cause of this

character tag

Underlust  (original concept by nsfwshamecave, who has left the fandom.)

Nickname/s: Lust, Lusty Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: biromantic / bisexual

+ is secretly a hopeless romantic, but has yet to meet anyone interested in romance over sex, so he takes what he can get + flirts with anything that breathes; has a plethora of horrible pick-up lines + has been outside of his own AU and is well-versed in the multiverse

character tag

Xtale (by jakei)

Nickname/s: Cross Date of Birth: Oct. 10th Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / bisexual

+ has difficulty trusting anyone anymore due to the betrayal he’s had in the past + he finds comfort in doodling or other art-related things, and can often be found locked away for hours doing so + will wear literally anything but his uniform when no one’s around, no matter how stupid it looks

character tag

Ink (by myebi/comyet) (same headcanons apply to Underverse!Ink)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 15 Height: 3′9″ / 116 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ his ink vials’ colors represent: green = comfort/safety, yellow = joy/energy, orange = encouragement/creativity, red = wrath/violence, pink = love/care, purple = lust/attraction, blue = sadness/concern, cyan = calm/relaxed + refuses to ever drink his pink or purple vials anymore due to the fact he doesn’t want to mislead people into thinking he cares about them + his tastes change based on what emotions he’s feeling/ink he’s drank

character tag underverse-specific

Pale (by unu-nunu-art/unu-nunium)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: May 26th Height: 3′9″ / 116 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ clings to people who help him literally only once, because he considers all nice gestures as “Oh, so we’re friends now?” + appreciates any and all physical contact and can get a bit nervous if he’s near someone but can’t hug them + when he absorbs an AU for emotions, he has even more emotions that Ink does, but it’s far more temporary

character tag

Fresh!Ink (by myebi/comyet)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′0″ / 152 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ is a parasite like Fresh is, but isn’t the same exact one; they exist as separate beings + doesn’t ever really drink ink vials, hence why he’s replaced them with his spray cans entirely, which just contain normal pain + enjoys making large street-art style murals, but never keeps them, so he places them in hugely inconvenient parts of the multiverse just to annoy people

character tag

Error (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen) (same headcanons apply to Underverse!Error)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 4th Height: 5′4″ / 163 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t trust anyone and would rather just dispose of someone before he gets the chance to even try and trust them + has tried to delete his own emotions on several occasions, but concludes he must lose his SOUL to do so, and is too scared he’ll die + lacks logic due to the fact that he’s a glitch in a program, meaning he can no longer create logical conclusions

character tag underverse-specific

Template (by unu-nunu-art/unu-nunium)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 3rd Height: 4′5″ / 135 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ constantly does a plethora of redeemable, good things within the multiverse to compensate for the fact he’s an “Error” + tries to be more comfortable with things like hugs in order to further distance himself from Error, despite also having haphephobia. + unlike Error, remembers his past as Geno a lot more vividly

character tag

Ragnartale (by NaomyMikolMaria) (please note I’m a bit behind on this AU)

Nickname/s: Knight Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′5″ / 165 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: heteroromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t like using his magic anymore, but can’t exactly remember why it leaves a bad taste in his mouth + actively tries to void out his emotions for others’ sake, as he finds his own life far less valuable + part of him likes being a monster more than a human, because he thinks he looks horrible now and that more people will leave him alone

character tag

Dusttale (by ask-dusttale)

Nickname/s: Dust, Dusty Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: lithromantic / asexual

+ absolutely despises all humans and it wouldn’t be surprising if he tried to kill any on sight + can often be seen talking aloud to “himself,” but he’s actually talking to “Papyrus” + has the same observant skills as Sans and is just as quick on his feet if not faster, however he’s also more rash in his decision-making due to his insanity.

character tag

Fresh (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 20th (pretends it’s April 1st) Height: 6′3″ / 191 cm Gender: genderfluid Pronouns: he/him or they/them Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ while he be default doesn’t have any emotions, if for some reason he starts to feel anything, he will reject it immediately, and become incredibly harsh + started dressing in 90′s clothes as a joke, now he enjoys them unironically and has genuinely started watching human 90′s shows + sends memes to Error just to piss him off; his favorite to send is Rick Rolls

character tag

Outertale (by 2mi127)

Nickname/s: Outer Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / asexual

+ because he can see the stars all the time, he’s far more fascinated by the Earth’s sun and atmosphere compared to other Sanses + has had his jacket since he was a kid but just didn’t bother getting rid of it. that and he never outgrew it. sometimes people still think he’s a kid because of it + gets cold easily; his jacket is extremely thick and fuzzy to make up for this

character tag

Altertale (by friisans)

Nickname/s: Guardian Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: biromantic / demisexual

+ despises his brother so much that he won’t even look in his general direction and will likely burn or destroy anything that reminds him of his brother + appears very calm and collected most of the time, but can easily turn around and be manipulative or angry when least expected + is horrible at keeping watch of the human children because he always teaches them how to exploit things and they use that against him

character tag

Aftertale (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen)

Nickname/s: Geno Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′0″ / 152 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ is really bad at social interaction due to extended isolation and because of that may come off as blunt or rude + if anyone acts friendly around him, especially if they are a more physical kind of person, he will instantly not trust them + seeing spaghetti is a sure way to make him burst into tears, but he’ll pretend he’s not actually crying

character tag

Swapfell (by poptatochisp and community)

Nickname/s: Mal Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′3″ / 160 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: panromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t do well with people who disagree with him. this will cause genuine unintended arguments over the smallest things + very formal in most situations possible, but assumes everyone else should be too + is bad at emotions, just, in general. understanding them, having them, everything

character tag

[blubberquark]

Belated Protector Postmortem

I made the game Protector for the 46th Ludum Dare game jam. I did not make a tumblr post about it during the jam. Don’t think Protector is my best jam game, but what can you expect from a jam game? Hardly a glowing endorsement, I know. Download it from itch.io at this link, or don’t.

With some distance, I think it’s interesting to tell you why I don‘t think Protector is that good... or maybe “good” is not the right word. Some friends and other Ludum Dare entrants had encouraged me (privately) to keep working on it after the jam and fix the bugs. In my opinion, Protector is fine the way it is (for a jam game anyway), but any more work on it will be a waste of time. There will be no post-compo releases of Protector.

If you are just getting started making games, Protector could be a good example of when to stop working on a prototype. But first, let’s do the usual “game jam postmortem“ song and dance.

Game Description

In this moody puzzle-ish platformer, you control an invincible character tasked with guiding a small (and very vincible) dog through the level. You cannot control the dog.

Instead you can pick up and throw a bone, but you can’t carry the bone. When you press the bone throwing button a second time, the dog will chase after the bone.

One the dog is running, you cannot stop it. You also cannot call the dog to return to you. You have to clear the path for the dog before you let it loose.

What Went Right

Scope: I scoped Protector aggressively minimal. I remember feeling a bit under the weather on the first day of the jam, so I decided to take it easy and submit something small. I was okay with submitting a small game in the jam category. I just had this idea I wanted to try out.

There is only one level, and it’s not all that big. I submitted on the morning of the third day, with everything I wanted in the game, without losing any sleep, and with some time to spare.

Theme: The idea was my own take on that last level in Bastion, when the kid carries the battering ram, but as an escort mission. The main character was supposed to be some kind of brute or barbarian loosely inspired by the barbarian class in Diablo II. Obviously you keep a dog alive, because that’s the theme of the jam.

Character Designs: I think nailed it with the brute and dog sprites. The brute is big and faceless, and the dog is small and cute. The proportions of the brute convey that he is strong and slow, and his shield (but no sword) should clue you in about his purpose.

Simple Dog Behaviour: The dog runs and bounces around pretty quickly. Once the dog is running, all bets are off, because you are too slow to catch up. You have to set everything up so the dog won’t kill himself, because he’s not a cat with nine lives. He is a dumb dog.

Any kind of AI or pathfinding would have made the dog less predictable, and the main objective of the game is to keep it alive (that was the theme of the jam), so simple, fast, predictable movement was key. The player has to be able to predict the dog’s path before it starts running.

Level Design: The level is not that big. There is a variety of obstacles and set pieces, and these are all easy for the player character to navigate, but potentially lethal to the dog. In addition to multiple platforming challenges, there are two unique “set pieces” that break up the monotony.

There are five different ways for the dog to die, and the level is constructed to make the player experience each of them once. Some are obvious, like the lightning cloud and the tower that shoots arrows, but the level is designed so that every player dies at least once. After mastering an obstacle once, it should pose no challenge on repeat playthroughs.

What Went Wrong

Controls: The controls are very simple, based on only the four arrow keys, X and C. These can be mapped to the left stick and first two buttons of a gamepad. In walk mode, the two buttons jump and call the dog, and the “up” direction is used to raise the shield.

In throw mode, with the left/right axis controls the throwing angle, and the up/down angle controls the velocity. This control scheme feels too cumbersome. The X key is used for calling the dog and throwing the bone, based on context. This also feels cumbersome, but it makes it less likely for players to accidentally throw or call the dog when they want to jump. I still had to resort to putting the controls on the screen at all times.

For gamepad controls it would have made more sense to use the direction of the left stick for the throwing angle and velocity. For keyboard+mouse controls I could have implemented a mouse-based throwing system like in Gunpoint or a parabola indicator that shows where the bone will land. I could also have gone the other way with a Worms style throwing system in which the throwing velocity is proportional to the time the button was held. As is, the throwing uses the same buttons as platforming, but it doesn’t feel good.

Bone Physics: The bone physics was kind of bouncy and floaty. I implemented my own physics because the bone was the only object in the whole game that needs halfway realistic bouncy collisions. The player and the dog use platformer physics, so there was no need for a physics engine like Box2D, libODE, or pymunk. The bone is modelled like a simple spinning ball. I could have made the bone less bouncy to give the player more control, maybe even cheated by making it less bouncy only in the x-direction. I could also have gone in the other direction and modelled the bone as a rectangle or two balls connected by a line.

Dog Platforming: The dog sometimes gets stuck in a wall or on a ledge. This is bad. I could fix this by making the dog fall down or turn around when this happens, but that would make the problem worse. I’d rather have the dog (or the bone) stuck in a weird position until the player gets it out than having it sit inside a pit in an unwinnable position with believable physics.

The way bone physics and platforming work is very janky, but that is because the obvious fix would have unacceptable gameplay consequences.

Main Gameplay Loop: It goes like this: throw bone - move into position - let dog loose - wait for dog - retrieve bone - throw bone - move into position, and so on. There is no way to call the dog back because that would make certain puzzles too easy, no way to set multiple way points for the dog, no way to ask the dog to fetch the bone back to you, and no way to carry the bone - otherwise you could just walk over and drop the bone there.

The gameplay loop as it stands just doesn’t allow that many puzzles, and changes to the gameplay would make the current puzzles too easy. Adding more content is more or less incompatible with the current gameplay, and changes to the gameplay loop would break the existing balance.

Allowing the player to carry the bone, to use different tools than the shield, to call the dog back would destroy the game design.

What I Learned

Escort missions suck. I already knew that hidden complex systems are not fun, but even indirect interaction based on simple systems is hard to get right. Beyond that, I did not try anything new and outlandish. I just had the idea about the big protector and the little dog.

The most surprising thing was how poorly Protector was rated in the “Mood” category given the relatively high theme score. Having no sound really did me no favours, and neither did the GameBoy screen resolution or the 5-colour palette.

But importantly, despite all the gameplay shortcomings, this still works as a short game. If the game is short enough, it can be carried by novelty, and players will forgive janky controls, even if the controls are part of the game’s main difficulty. I relied on this insight in other jam games, but it does not translate to long-form games.

This is a bit meta, but it is important to understand when a game design does not work. To some degree I think game jams even encourage a kind of toxic positivity towards young people learning to program. By all means, you should encourage people who want to try their hand at game design, and you should not go out of your way to disparage teenagers learning to code or programmers who make programmer art because the graphic design in their enterprise software day job is done in a different department. All too often, instead of “keep it up“, we tell people who are getting started to keep working on their jam games. If a game has load of bugs, on some level it would be nice to have them fixed, and these bugs are an obvious starting point for a post-jam version of the game - but when I see buggy games with experimental gameplay ideas, I don’t always encourage the devs to keep tweaking the mechanics until it works. Some experiments have negative results, and that’s okay.

Some jam entries are great games, successful experiments if you will, but they can’t easily be made into longer games. That’s also okay.

Can We Fix This?

“But hypothetically” you ask me, “how would you turn Protector into a longer game if I hired you to be a game designer?”

Okay. Hypothetically. In this hypothetical world, you pay by the hour, no unpaid overtime, and no bonus based on how well the game sells ;-)

We need a story that glues all the levels together, and the dog platforming would be at most a third of the game. Maybe in some levels you and the dog fight side by side, maybe you explore some of the levels with the dog on a leash, maybe you tie the leash to a post at the level entrance and come back when you have cleared everything.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have through-line that connects different types of gameplay, different set pieces and minigames.

In order to make the platforming and puzzle solving more interesting, you would have a different load-out in different levels. Some platforms are dog-only, and you would throw the bone (or a tennis ball) up there because you can’t reach it yourself. You would need a way to recall the bone (or tennis ball) or a way to recall the dog, maybe a dog whistle. Maybe you just have a limited supply of dog treats per level. Earlier levels just have the bone, and shield, later ones introduce mobility items for the player character, tennis balls, a collar, a leash, dog treats, a dog whistle, and so on.

It would be a fun idea (or a gimmick) to have most of the upgrades be for the dog, but that’s not very fun to actually play.

Another possible problem is if the dog handling becomes an afterthought, or a drag in the player, going back to fetch the dog after the level has been cleared. Escort missions are not held in high regard among players, so this could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

With all these mobility items and larger levels, we would need an improved dog AI. We also could not have the dog fall into a pit of spikes, instead it should refuse to jump into unsafe distances, and somehow communicate to the player. We would also need a way to get the dog back down if it got up the wrong platform, and a way for the player to reset progress to the last check point or re-fill dog treats without creating an exploitable loophole where the player can just walk back and forth to the vending machine and win a level with infinite dog treats.

Oh no, the dog AI sounds complicated now. Complicated hidden systems are not fun, and training AI-powered animals is not that difficult code-wise, but it is difficult to pull off in a way that is fun and legible to the player. I still remember Black&White. Those animals were a gimmick. Somehow we need a way for the dog to communicate things to the player. Can the dog talk? Is there a bark code? Can the dog smell things?

One thing we absolutely must not do is vary the dog AI between levels. Players will have a really hard time as is, because the smarter the dog gets, the easier it becomes to accidentally mis-predict what it will do.

Think about all the parts of this rather comprehensive proposal: Complex AI, some kind of story, different controls, unlockable items, and level/puzzle design that integrates all of the above, all written from scratch or re-written for the bigger game. I’d rather spend the time on something else.