#killing myself in the office next time a doctor denies me testing or suggests the same treatment thats been failing for two years

[yrfemmehusband]

This post is about physical illness physical disability please don't derail

Me vs being consistently retraumatized in literally every single fucking appointment i go to me vs getting literally one singular fucking doctor to listen to me oh my god I cannot stand doctors. Literally every single doctor I've been to with maybe two exceptions has done nothing but gaslit me and made it difficult for me to get care. It doesn't matter who they are what practice it does not matter if they're a man or woman cishet or LGBT with pronouns on their website, it doesn't matter if they're "trauma informed" or have never heard of the term. They are all the same. They all make it their goal to be as much of an obstacle to receiving care as possible. They refuse to listen because they're so much smarter than any patient that walks through the door and simultaneously expect you to have googled your symptoms and to have an idea of what tests you want and also if you've done that then you're Malingering or you're called doctor Google or made fun of for thinking you could possibly do their job (diagnosing you.) If you have any issue worse than the common cold they'll slap you with an anxiety diagnosis or a "we don't know what causes it" disorder. If you ask for more tests than one singular blood panel they'll laugh and ask why. If you ask what your options for treatment are they'll tell you to lose weight and exercise, and also here are some antidepressants. They'll tell you to come back if symptoms continue or worsen and act surprised when you do, because the symptoms continued and worsened. It doesn't matter how you look, how nice you are, how sick you feel, how much pain you're in. Their goal is to get your money and get you out. I have never met a doctor who wasn't blinded by their own ego and most people who think doctors are there to help you have never been sick with anything long term.

[phantom-le6]

Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 4 (3 of 6)

Having taken longer than planned on the earlier reviews for season 4 of Stark Trek: The Next Generation, I am now going to make more effort to stick to my weekly schedule and get the reviews done more frequently, beginning with those I am posting now.

Episode 11: Data’s Day

Plot (as given by me):

Data, in corresponding with Bruce Maddox, outlines a typical day aboard the Enterprise, making particular emphasis on the aspect of friendship.

 At the start of the day, Data is relieved early from his command of the night shift so he has more time to participate in the wedding rehearsal for Chief Miles O’Brien’s wedding to Keiko Ishikara, a civilian botanist assigned to the Enterprise.  Data is acting as ‘father of the bride’, but when he visits Keiko, he learns she is calling off the wedding as she believes it will make her happy, and asks Data to relay the news to Miles.  Data presumes this will make the chief happy if it is what Keiko wants, but Miles is inevitably upset.  Later, Data talks to Lt. Commander George La Forge, who explains Keiko just has pre-wedding anxiety and the real wedding will still take place as usual.

 As a Vulcan ambassador arrives on board with a secretive mission that takes the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone, Data proceeds on Geordi’s advice to act as if the wedding will still take place; he discusses the concept of wedding gifts and customs with Worf and enlists Dr Crusher’s assistance in learning to dance.  At Chief O’Brien’s request, Data then attempts to convince Keiko to go through with the wedding, but she reacts angrily to his efforts, prompting him to seek advice from Counsellor Troi.  She advises Data that Miles and Keiko need to be left alone to resolve the matter themselves. When their conversation brings up the idea that growing old together is a key component of marriage, Data reveals that despite his lack of emotion, he has never ruled out the idea that one day he might marry someone.  However, given Data’s inability to age, he would never be able to ‘grow old’ with a spouse.

 Data is then summoned by Ambassador T’Pel, who enquires about the Enterprise’s defence systems, but she drops the query when Data mentions he has the same safeguards as the ship’s computers and would be required to notify the Captain.  The ambassador claims she was only testing his safeguards, so Data accepts this on the premise that Vulcans do not lie, though on some level he remains suspicious.

 Later, Data is taught to dance by Dr Crusher; this initially does not go quite to plan as the doctor teaches Data tap-dancing before he explains that his intent was to learn dances appropriate for the wedding. She then begins to teach Data a slow dance, but this is complicated by Data needing to see Dr Crusher’s feet to emulate her steps, and the lesson is interrupted by a crew member going into labour, requiring Data to finish his lesson with a holographic partner.  Data eventually returns to the bridge just before the Enterprise reaches its rendezvous with a Romulan warbird, and the ambassador prepares to beam over to discuss a treaty that would formalise relations between Vulcan and Romulus.  However, an accident occurs mid-transport and the ambassador is seemingly killed.

 After Captain Picard explains the situation to the Romulans, he orders Data to head up the investigation into the accident. Applying the Holmesian method of deductive reasoning, Data discovers that the Romulans actually beamed the ambassador over to their ship while leaving artificial organic matter in her place; in effect, faking her death to conceal an abduction.  Picard orders the Enterprise to intercept the Romulan warbird to try and rescue the ambassador, but when they arrive, they learn the ambassador was actually a Romulan spy in disguise, now returned to her own people.  As more warbirds arrive, Picard reluctantly orders the Enterprise to withdraw back to Federation space.

 With the crisis over, Data seeks out Keiko to apologise for his interference, only to learn the wedding will take place shortly and he needs to get dressed for it.  Keiko and Miles are wed in Ten-Forward with Captain Picard officiating a ceremony based on the Japanese culture.  Later, Data seeks out Dr Crusher to thank her for his dance lessons, but instead finds the captain looking in on the baby Dr Crusher delivered while the ship was confronting the Romulans.  Finally, Data begins command of the next night watch.

Review:

This episode is the start of the one successful long-term romance in Trek history; from the marriage of Miles and Keiko we get a relationship that runs strong not only for all its remaining appearances in TNG, but also throughout the length of Deep Space Nine when O’Brien was made part of that spin-off’s regular cast.  It’s great to see it begin the way it does, because the kind of less-than-perfect romance we see is not only more realistic than if we were seeing two people not fighting or arguing at all, it’s also vital to make a lot of later stories for these characters work.  DS9, as I noted when I review that series years ago on Facebook, often did episodes that were known as ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episodes.  For that to work, O’Brien had to be every inch an everyman with everyday issues, so his marriage had to be equally down-to-Earth. Otherwise, where’s the shock value in whatever’s traumatising him next?

 Of course, the main focus of the episode is Data, and how he deals with the issue of friendship and understanding human behaviour.  In his reasoning and actions, the idea of Data as a metaphor for the autistic mind-set comes across brilliantly.  I can easily someone on the autistic spectrum like myself making similar social errors to Data in trying to navigate the sudden flare-up in the Miles-Keiko relationship.  I say similar because autistic people are not emotionless as Data is, and for those of us “high functioning” (or masking to the nth degree as I think of it) and experienced enough to understand something of tact and diplomacy, we would probably avoid making at least some of these errors.

 I’m also very touched by Data revealing his aspiration to one day marry despite his lack of apparent emotion; for autistic people, any form of relationship that goes beyond friendship and into the romantic can be anything from difficult to impossible.  The social skills required and time commitments necessary are almost the inter-personal communication equivalent of tackling the tallest mountains in the world, and anyone on the spectrum who gets anywhere in this line has my undying respect and admiration.  To see an autistic analogue like Data suggest a desire to one day get as far as marriage, and be treated with acceptance in that regard, is yet another example of Trek at its best.

 My only niggle with this episode is that at one point when noting various events occurring aboard the Enterprise, Data mentions the ‘Hindu festival of lights’.  Given that humans are supposed to now be an entirely secularist society in the world of Trek, why is any religious occasion of significance on real-life Earth being mentioned as if it’s still an on-going concept?  Last I checked, the children on board the Enterprise aren’t going round the crew-quarters trick-or-treating, having Easter egg hunts on the holodecks or hoping for Santa to come down the Jefferies tubes once a year.  That being the case, Diwali shouldn’t be getting a mention in that sort of context either.  As such, the episode just misses out on top marks and ends up raking in 9 out of 10.

Episode 12: The Wounded

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

While patrolling near Cardassian space, the Enterprise is suddenly attacked by a Cardassian vessel. Captain Picard is able to convince its commander, Gul Macet, to stand down, and learns that Macet's attack was in retaliation for a Federation ship attacking a Cardassian science station two days prior. Picard confirms this with Starfleet; he is told that the starship Phoenix, commanded by Captain Benjamin Maxwell, was responsible and ordered to locate the vessel. Picard invites Gul Macet and two of his officers to come aboard as observers to maintain the fragile peace between the Federation and Cardassia. As the Enterprise looks for signs of the Phoenix, Picard is informed that transporter chief Miles O'Brien was a former crewmember under Maxwell on the Rutledge during the Cardassian war, and invites him to join a briefing with Gul Macet. There, O'Brien reveals he still harbors some resentment for the Cardassians, revealing that Maxwell's family was killed by Cardassians. Gul Macet infers that Maxwell must be out for revenge, but O'Brien denies this.

 The Enterprise locates the Phoenix on an intercept course for a Cardassian freighter, but they will not be able to reach it in time. Picard lets Gul Macet relay the position of the Phoenix to a closer Cardassian cruiser, but Maxwell outmaneuvers and destroys both the warship and the freighter, killing over 650 Cardassians across the two vessels.

 Shortly thereafter, the Enterprise rendezvouses with the Phoenix, and Maxwell transports aboard, greeting O'Brien as an old friend. Alone, Maxwell asserts to Picard that the Cardassians are re-arming themselves; the science station was a cover for a military base, and the freighters are carrying weapons. Picard admonishes Maxwell for his behaviour unbecoming a Starfleet captain, and gains his assurance that he will pilot the Phoenix directly back to Federation space. However, en route, the Phoenix breaks course towards another freighter. Maxwell is poised to destroy the freighter, demanding that the Federation officers be allowed aboard to see proof of the Cardassians' deception. The Enterprise crew notes that the freighter is equipped with a field that blocks their scans. Picard prepares to fire on the Phoenix to maintain the peace, but O'Brien requests permission to beam over to the Phoenix, using a transporter trick to sneak past its shield, and talk to Maxwell. Aboard the Phoenix, O'Brien and Maxwell reminisce about their time aboard the Rutledge and sing a song from their past. O'Brien is able to convince Maxwell to stand down. Maxwell transfers his command to his first officer and the Phoenix starts its return to Federation space, while Maxwell returns to the Enterprise with O'Brien, confined to quarters pending return to Starfleet.

 As the Cardassian observers are returned to their ship, Picard cautions them that while Maxwell's actions may have been improper, his suspicions are not without merit; the so-called "science station" is located in a strategic military position with little scientific value, and the shields on the freighters were specifically designed to block Federation scanning. He cautions Gul Macet that the Federation will be watching the Cardassians very closely in the future.

Review:

For the second time in as many episodes, we get more development of future DS9 fodder.  In this case, however, it’s not just about developing Miles O’Brien and his new wife Keiko, though this is a significant part of the episode in terms of Miles.  This time, we get the first appearance of the Cardassians, which substantially improves in time for their inclusion in Deep Space Nine, and Marc Alaimo makes a guest appearance as Gul Macet, setting up for his later long-time role in DS9 as the Cardassian arch-villain Gul Dukat.  Throw in Bob Gunton of Shawshank Redemption fame and this episode really has some great guest actors in alongside the regular cast.

 However, aside from great performances, great guest-cast stars and a lot of fodder being developed for the eventual Deep Space Nine spin-off series, this episode also takes an interesting look at how people react when a war ends and they have to act peacefully with people who they’ve had to view as the enemy for a long time.  It’s another of those brilliant moves Trek started to make around this time as Roddenberry became less involved in producing the show due to his failing health.  There’s only so far humanity will ever improve, and I think if we’re still having to get into wars in the future, albeit with alien species, we’re going to have the same kind of issues that come up here.

 Between the various guest characters, the subject matter gets some interesting exploration; Captain Maxwell is someone so traumatised by the war that he can’t just leave it behind, Gul Macet plays someone feigning a desire to remain at peace while secretly preparing for the next scrap, and then you’ve got O’Brien, who still hates the enemy but for a totally different reason to what you’d expect.  While most shows might have put O’Brien’s hatred down to something the Cardassians did, this show did something truly inspired and made O’Brien hate them for what they forced him to do.  Nowhere else have I come across someone saying they only hate an enemy because that enemy forced them into committing acts of violence alien to their personal identity.  In fact, I think this might even be Trek’s first stab at doing a ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episode even before creating DS9.  After all, what could be greater suffering to a gentle man like O’Brien than to be faced by those who forced him to act against that gentle nature?

 Honestly, I can’t find a single flaw in this episode, and so for the first time in a while I offer up top marks; 10 out of 10.

Episode 13: Devil’s Due

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise receives a distress call from Dr. Howard Clarke, the leader of a Federation scientific delegation on Ventax II, where the population is in a state of panic, because they are convinced that their world will soon end. After the Enterprise arrives, they rescue Dr. Clarke who brings them up to date. A thousand years ago, according to Ventaxian history, the population entered a Faustian deal with Ardra, their mythology's devil. In exchange for ending wars and restoring the ecological balance, and improving their heavily polluted planet, the population would become the personal slaves of Ardra a thousand years later. As the millennium is about to come to a close, the planet has recently begun experiencing mild earthquakes, as well as seeing images of Ardra. These were said to be signs of her arrival.

 As Captain Picard and Lt. Commander Data discuss the matter with the Ventaxian leader, a woman appears in the chamber, announcing herself as Ardra. She demonstrates her identity by starting an earthquake at will, and transforming into the Klingon devil-equivalent Fek'lhr of Gre'Thor. Ardra states that she has come to claim the planet. Picard is instantly suspicious and orders Data to examine the contract that supposedly was signed by Ardra and the leaders of the planet a thousand years earlier. Picard returns to the Enterprise afterwards, and Ardra appears on the bridge, sitting in the Captain's chair. Lt. Worf fails to remove her. Data returns just then and confirms the language of the contract as well as Ardra's claim to the planet and anything in its orbit, including the Enterprise.

 Later, in a meeting with the senior staff, Picard expresses his belief that she is a confidence trickster and points out that all of her alleged powers can be recreated with theatrically delivered technology. After the meeting, Picard goes to bed for the evening. As Picard sleeps, Ardra appears and tries to seduce him, but he rejects her. She transports him to the planet dressed in his pyjamas. Data comes to collect Picard by shuttle after Worf is unable to transport him back the normal way. When Picard and Data attempt to return to the Enterprise, the ship disappears. In light of this, they return to the planet.

 Citing old legal precedent, Picard calls for a Ventaxian arbitration hearing, to which Ardra agrees, provided Data acts as the arbitrator, as he will act with impartiality. Picard explains to the leader of the planet that the people had actually improved their planet by themselves, through their own gradual hard work, ingenuity, and dedication. However, continued demonstrations of powers further the claim that Ardra is indeed whom she says she is. During the course of the hearing, Chief Engineer La Forge and Clarke discover that Ardra has a cloaked ship nearby, that she is indeed using technology to simulate magic, and that she is a known criminal. Picard sends an away team, led by Commander Riker, to take control of Ardra's ship, giving Picard control of her powers. He demonstrates the technology-based fraud and she is taken into custody by local authorities.

Review:

This is an episode I find fun because among its various plot elements is a bit of a dig at buying too readily into certain aspects of organised religion.  Here, we see someone is basically a criminal try to exploit and enslave the population of an entire planet by twisting its beliefs to her own ends.  This is not unlike many real-life followers of many, many religions that will twist those religions to excuse and fuel bigoted and divisive viewpoints, often leading many to assume they are a true reflection of that faith when they are not.  Frankly, I think many people ‘of faith’ could learn a valuable lesson about taking care to really learn their religion to avoid just this sort of deception by watching this episode.

 However, the episode is really meant to be more about how technology can appear to be magic if it is sufficiently advanced, and to be fair it’s a fun exploration of that idea.  However, the same thing was done the season before with ‘Who Watches The Watchers’, and it’s also been used with greater theatricality by the Marvel Cinematic Universe to explain the likes of Thor and Doctor Strange in an otherwise science-based superhero action universe.  By and large, the idea of ‘believer beware’ seems to hold the greater weight than the intended focus, and it’s got some decent comic relief-type moments in places.

 However, I disagree with the assessment some others have made that the episode is somehow ‘Picard trying to act like Kirk’. Kirk, being the degenerate woman-of-the-week phaser-happy space cowboy that he was, would more likely have given into Ardra and then stunned her with a phaser when proving her deception. Picard acts like Picard from his resistance to Ardra right up to the court-room scene.  There’s nothing all that Kirkian about this episode, even though it originated as an unproduced story from that era, and to believe otherwise is to be as gullible as the Ventaxians.  Overall, I give this episode about 8 out of 10.

Episode 14: Clues

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise investigates a T Tauri class star system with a single Class M planet that was picked up on a long-range sensor scan near the Ngame Nebula. As they approach the planet, the ship encounters a wormhole and everyone except Lt. Commander Data briefly loses consciousness. When the crew regains consciousness, some of the ship's sensors suggest it has been nearly a day since the wormhole encounter, but Data states they were only out for moments and the ship's instruments were affected by the wormhole. Following Data's suggestion, Captain Picard decides to send a probe into the system to avoid further harm to the ship. The probe reports only the presence of a frozen gas giant instead of the Class M planet from before; again, Data attributes this to the effects of the wormhole.

 As the ship moves away from the system, the crew begin to find evidence that does not support Data's claims that they were unconscious for only 30 seconds. For example, Dr Crusher has found moss samples that show a full day of growth, and has found that Worf, complaining of a sore wrist, actually had his wrist broken and reset by a medical professional. Picard begins to suspect Data's claims, and believes the rest of the crew is suffering from missing time syndrome. Picard confronts Data on the issue, but Data cannot provide a rational answer. Further studies of the crew by Dr Crusher show that Data's explanations are impossible; they have lost a day from the wormhole encounter, and there is evidence that Data tampered with the probe's readings to mask the Class M planet. Picard recognizes that Data's actions may be for the protection of the Enterprise, but orders the ship to return to the system.

 When they near the Class M planet, ounsellor Troi is taken over by a mysterious energy pulse from the system, and starts to speak to the crew with a different voice. The entity that has taken over Troi informs Data that the plan has failed, and that their people will prepare to destroy the Enterprise. Picard learns from Data and the entity that they are in the space of the Paxans, a highly advanced but very xenophobic race who have kept themselves hidden by firing a stun beam at any ship that nears their system and then moving it away; crews of such ships normally associate it with the effects of a wormhole. However, in the case of the Enterprise, the stun beam did not affect Data; Data had revived the crew as the Paxans were attempting to move the ship, and forcing a physical encounter that led to Worf's wrist being broken. Picard was able to offer the Paxans a deal as to attempt to conceal their previous meeting, using memory-wiping technology from the Paxans to forget their encounters with them, and ordered Data to behave as he did to protect the ship.

 Picard is able to convince the Paxan in control of Troi that the previous plan failed because they left too many clues on the Enterprise that piqued human curiosity to solve the mystery and that if the Enterprise vanishes, it will cause others to come investigate. The crew of the Enterprise, with the help of the Paxans, work together to completely eradicate any possible clues; once completed, the crew is stunned again, and the ship moves away from Paxan space. When the crew revives this time, they accept Data's explanations without question and continue on their mission.

Review:

In addition to this episode having a lot of similarity to ‘Thanks for the Memory’, an episode from the second series of British sit-com Red Dwarf, it’s also notable for bringing us a little more Picard-as-Dixon-Hill.  However, in this case only in the opening teaser segment is Picard doing this as a fantasy on the holodeck.  The rest of the episode has Picard, and indeed most of the crew, playing detective in the ‘real world’, making the episode a kind of exploration of the human fascination with mysteries and puzzle-solving.  It’s not a bad episode, by any means, but it’s fairly shallow in its issue exploration, and the whole alien possession thing near the end is kind of a needless bit of weirdness.  This was a bottle episode, granted, but would one guest actor in a bit of prosthetics really have killed the budget compared with the visual effect they used? Overall, I’d give this 7 out of 10.

Episode 15: First Contact

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The humanoid race of Malcor III is preparing to develop warp drive technology. Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi suddenly visit Science Minister Mirasta Yale, lead researcher on their warp experiments. They calm her and explain that they come in peace. It is normal Federation policy to make first contact with a world when it reaches this level of technology. However, they have had to move ahead of schedule because Commander Riker, disguised as a Malcorian, has gone missing. After touring the Enterprise, Mirasta agrees to help and arranges a private meeting with Chancellor Durken. After the meeting, Picard returns with Durken to the Enterprise and explains the benefits of a relationship with the Federation. Durken expresses some concerns, most notably with the Federation's unwillingness to share their technology, as well as how their arrival will change his society. Picard assures him that how contact proceeds will be up to him, and if asked to leave, the Federation will do so.

 Meanwhile, Riker has been detained by security forces in a hospital, where he is barely conscious following an accident. Differences in Riker's physiology make the hospital administrator believe that he is an extra-terrestrial. Riker is aided in his escape by a nurse who expresses her wish to "make love with an alien". Riker accepts her offer, but the escape attempt fails: he is spotted, and the guards catch and beat him, worsening his condition. Riker's presence at the hospital is reported to Security Minister Krola, who accuses Durken of hiding the truth about the "alien" presence. The Chancellor expresses his concerns to Picard about the Federation's covert intrusions, but accepts Picard's explanation of why the Federation does this. Krola, fearing a hostile invasion by the Federation, endangers Riker's health by reviving him prematurely so he may be interrogated. He tries to frame Riker as a murderer by shooting himself with Riker's phaser. Meanwhile, Durken is made aware that Riker is in danger of dying and tells Picard where he is. The Enterprise crew bring both Riker and Krola back to the ship. They are able to save Riker's life, and discover that his phaser was only set to stun, so Krola was in no real danger.

 After Krola is returned to the planet, Durken regretfully tells Picard that he feels Malcor is not ready for first contact. He fears his people are not mature enough to handle the startling announcement that they are not alone in the universe. He requests that the Enterprise leave the planet, in hopes that they may be able to return at a later time. He agrees to delay Malcor's development of warp drive technology until its people are ready. With Mirasta's project postponed, she asks Picard if she can join his crew, and Picard agrees.

Review:

Apparently, this episode was only possible by breaking one of the ‘rules’ of Star Trek established by Roddenberry, namely that episodes always take place primarily from the point-of-view of the main cast. This time, however, the episode takes the point-of-view of the alien race who is being approached by the Federation as they reach the point of warp travel.  It’s a great episode, and not only because of the superb guest actors (including George Coe, who had a notable guest presence in The West Wing as Senator Howard Stackhouse, and Bebe Neuwirth who played Lilith in Cheers and Fraiser).  It’s also great because it’s the first look at not only how first contact missions actually happen, but the point-of-view of the aliens is probably not too dissimilar to how humanity would act right now if we were ever in that situation.

 The episode runs the gamut of possible reactions; the positive reaction of the forward-thinking scientist, the negative and regressive attitude of the xenophobic and paranoid security minister, the even-handed and considered approach of the head of state, and everything from general panic to alien kink among the general population.  Right down to the whole thing ending up being dismissed as a conspiracy theory while social reforms are brought in to try and enlighten the population, it all says ‘yes, this is just how humanity would react in that same situation’.

 For me, all that spoils this episode is that bit where the alien nurse seduces Riker and he agrees.  I mean come on Will; I know you’re the one member of the TNG crew who is frequently obligated to act like Kirk and have a woman-of-the-week moment every chance you get, but frankly I think it would have been more appropriate to go for a low phaser stun burst on her and the guard, then hop in the guard’s uniform and slip out.  Overall score here is about 8 out of 10.

[stratus-skye07]

Sense Of Love [Seven] (M) | Minho

Seeing the truth

[Masterlist] [Six]

MINHO

“At the tone, please leave your message.”

I hang up after calling Y/N for the hundredth time today. Since taking her home last night, I’ve been worried about her. She doesn’t answer my calls or texts, she wasn’t at the cafe and the school is closed today. She could either be anywhere or at home. Neither of the places I could really go to and expect her to open the door for me.

Today I had another photoshoot with Bohee. One that was for sure going to be the last. Things were going fine until she pushed Y/N to try and intimidate her.

“Has Cinderella gone back into hiding?” Speak of the devil.

I ignore her and continue to where the shooting was taking place. She followed and continued to say things to get my attention but I kept my silence with her.

“When are you gonna get your head screwed on straight.” She whispers in my ear as we’re posing, “She’s a nobody and always will be. Down the line what could she give you?”

The more she talked the harder it got to keep a cool expression. I just had to endure it for a couple more shots and I can rid myself of the trouble that I caused for myself and Y/N.

“Okay, that’s it. Good job, you two.” The photographer says.

We finally separate and end the shoot. I head over to Onew so we can finally leave this place. Thinking that it was done, I can sense Bohee following close behind me.

“Yah!” She smack the back of my shoulder, “What’s so special about her?”

It’s my fault that Bohee is so clung onto me that it’s my responsibility to set things straight, “She has a heart!” She freezes in her place, “You and I have no connection. I’m sorry for making you think that we had anything romantic going for us. We both knew that things were just physical. This is where we end things off as clean as possible. I don’t want you to ruin your career because of me. You can hate me all you want. I’m willing to accept your hate because I deserve it but don’t take it out on someone that I found to have feelings for.”

Bohee’s eyes begin to water, “We could’ve made it work if we wanted to.”

“I don’t.”

Driving the nail into the coffin, Bohee turns her back and walks away. I know it was harsh but she needed the reality check that I should’ve given her a long time ago.

Onew pats my shoulder, “It seems like Y/N really has made an impact on you.”

I smirk, “Why do you say that?”

“I’ve known you for a long time and you’ve never apologized to anyone about anything before in your life.”

I shrug, “Sometimes you just need to grow up and stop being an asshole.”

Onew and I begin to get our things together when I notice a figure standing nearby and watching intently. A figure I wasn’t expecting to see but at the same time was anticipating.

Taemin calmly speaks, “I need to talk to you, right now.”

I nod leading him out towards the back of the building’s alleyway. Once the area was safe to talk in, I turn to face him but I’m met with a fist to the jaw instead. Any other person I would’ve laid them out just as quick but considering the circumstances I take the hit.

I look back to see that Taemin’s calm demeanor was gone. His nostrils were flaring with anger as he looks at me.

“I deserved that.” I say clutching my cheek.

“I told you to leave Y/N alone. Now you’ve pushed her too far.”

“You don’t think I know that? I’ve been trying to call her since last night. Is she okay?”

He shakes his head, “Like you give a shit. Just stop whatever plans you had with her. She doesn't need you complicating her life any further.”

“I have no intention in leaving her alone because I have feelings for Y/N. I hated what happened to her. I hate myself even more for putting her in that situation. I can understand your anger towards me and you can hit me as much as you want for it but I wanna know what’s going on with her. Is she really okay?”

Taemin’s breathing begins to even out when he hesitate to continue this conversation. He turns to leave but I grab him by the shoulder to stop him.

“Please, just tell me so I don’t make the same mistake twice. For Y/N, I need to know.”

He swipes my hand off his shoulder before turning back to face me, “You know how she ended up blind?” I shake my head, “She was in a car accident that killed her parents.”

My heart drops remember how Y/N mentioned her parents but never putting that and her blindness together.

Taemin continues, “The doctors had no hope for her seeing again. Y/N wanted to take the chance and go forwards with eye surgery. In the end, she managed to regain her vision. It was too good to be true though. One day she had an anxiety attack and her vision went blurry for a short amount of time. Her doctor says that if she puts herself in stressful situations or suffers any kind of traumatic events it could cause her to go blind again. This time, the next operation won’t be as successful.”

Y/N

Deep down, I’d hoped to never sit in this exam chair again but at the same time I knew that it would never stop. My eyes were always going to be a problem for me ever since I first went blind. I’d experience the temporary blindness before but for some reason this one felt like it was going to be the one to end it all.

I woke up in the morning with my vision back to normal, but I was still worried about it so I called Dr. Park as soon as possible. I called Key and told him about the incident that led up to the vision going blurry. He said he would take care of the cafe. I’ve been in his office for most of the morning running test on my eyes. I’ve even had to put my glasses on as if it would help anything but comfort me.

Sitting in the familiar office, Dr. Park came back in with a stack of papers in his hands. He’s going through all of them before taking a seat at his desk.

“So?” I ask him.

He closes the folder to turn his attention to me, “I’ve looked through everything numerous times and you’re eyes are coming up normal.”

“So they’re fine?”

He nods, “They don’t look any different than the last time you came in.”

“Then why do I keep getting these cases of temporary blindness. They can’t be normal for someone who’s recovering from successful eye surgery.”

“Technically, your surgery shouldn’t have been as effective as we thought. This could be your eyes’ way of rejecting the results.”

“So what do I do now? Will my vision get worse over time or will I go back to being blind?”

“From the results we have, your eyes are fine. It doesn’t mean your vision is deteriorating. It could just be a symptom from your attacks like shaking or breaking out in hives. As of now, there’s nothing wrong.”

“What do you suggest I do?”

He sighs before leaning forward, “As a doctor and as someone who’s watched you grow up like a niece, I’d suggest you just live your life as normal as you can. Don’t let this stop you from helping others and living. You’ve come so far to let it affect you now.”

Growing up, I made sure nothing in my life changed. It was hard after losing my parents but I did everything I would’ve done if they were still alive. I went to school, I work, I volunteer. I did all of that with and without vision. Living in fear of losing my vision shouldn’t stop me from living in general. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Waiting to cross the street, I pull out my phone to see all the missed calls and messages from Minho. He was another fear that I had to face. I don’t deny my feelings for him but I worry about his feeling towards me when I tell him everything. Was he ready for that kind of commitment when it came down to it? Was I?

Crossing the street, I turn the corner where the front door of the cafe is when my question was about to be answered. Minho is leaning against the wall but jumps off when he sees me approaching.

He starts rambling, “Y/N, I’ve been trying to reach you all day. I’m so sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have pressured you into going with me in the first place. Plus, I should’ve taken better care of you.”

I smile at his frantic apology. I take his hand in mine and ask, “Do you have some time to spare?”

MINHO

I don’t know if Y/N was angry with me or not. She simply asked for an hour of my time to talk about something. The whole ride to her apartment building was quiet. She stayed silent as she stared out the window.

Once we arrived, she waited for me to get out of the car to follow her. She walked towards the stairs but instead of going up them she walks past them. I continue to follow her towards the door that’s right below her apartment.

She flicks the lights on to reveal a whole room filled with all things related to art. Canvases are hanging on the walls. One side of the wall was covered with shelves of pens, pencils, and brushes in jars along with a long table where someone would sit to draw or paint.

Y/N walks over to some of the artwork, “This is where my artistic past is. Locked away below my apartment building.” She points over to a staircase that must lead to her apartment.

“You did all of these?” Most of the canvases looked like professional ones that you would get from an art museum.

She nods, “Yeah, I’m not so sure if I still got it or not. It’s been years since I used any of this stuff.”

I walk around to take a look at all her work when I stop at a painting that catches my attention. It was a painting of her parents. I could tell it was them. Y/N had bits of her features within them.

Y/N chuckles beside me, “One night my parents and I were coming home from an art contest, I ended up winning. This was the portrait that I entered to win. I remember yelling at my dad to stop moving so much. He’d complain about getting work done but I knew deep down he didn’t care as long as I could finish this one.”

“Your parents must’ve been really supportive of it all.”

“Extremely supportive. Everything art-wise I could get my hands on I wanted to do it. They bought me all the supplies for it. They’d both come to my art shows. They’d even pretend to not be my parents and had critique discussions with the people to lure them into liking my stuff.”

“I wish I could’ve met them.”

She looks up at me with a smile, “I think they would’ve liked you.”

I raise my eyebrows, “Think?”

“Well,” she shrugs, “you were kind of a dick when we first met so I don’t know if that really would’ve swoon them.”

I sigh, “Fair enough.”

Her smile slowly fades away as she looks back at the painting, “The night of my last art show, it was raining when a careless driver cut my dad off causing him to swerve. The car lost control and ended up flipping into a pole. I woke up in the hospital and I couldn’t see anything anymore. My parents didn’t make it. My mom was pregnant with my little brother or sister and they were gone too. Once I regained my eyesight I moved all my art work and supplies with me. I wouldn’t use them again but I didn’t have the heart to throw them away. They were gifts from my parents.”

“You regained your eyesight though, why did you stop art? You have a gift for it.”

She shrugs, “I felt like it was selfish for me to continue doing it when I’d lost the people I loved the most because of it.”

I grab her by the shoulders and turn her to face me, “Y/N, what happened to your parents was not your fault.”

She smiles again as her eyes begin to water, “You wanna know why I don’t want anyone to get close to me? It’s that fear that lives in the back of my mind that I might go blind again and my significant other will have to care for me more than necessary and that they’ll worry too much about me, that they’ll forget to take care of themselves. I’m scared of being loved to the point where I’ll have to count on them because they can’t stop worrying about me.”

“Don’t cry.” I swipe my thumbs along her cheeks.

She begins to speak through light sobs, “I’m telling you all this because of how bad my feelings have gotten for you. I pushed you away at first for that reason.”

This whole meeting was about her opening up her heart to me. Starting with her past and current fears of herself along with the person she would let in. That person being me.

Y/N separates herself from me to walk towards a blank canvas, “My doctor doesn’t know if the next time I lose my sight I’ll get it back like I have before. Thinking that I might end up going blind again makes me want to appreciate the little things again, like seeing colors.” She picks up one of the jars filled with colored pencils, “Do you mind if I draw you?”

I smirk, “Like your French girls?”

She chuckles, “I had a feeling you were going to say that but sadly I don’t think I can make you as sexy as them.”

“As long as you’re up for it then I would be honored to be your model.”

Y/N directed me to sit in one of the stools by the table as she walks around the room collecting the materials she needs for the drawing. I watched her pick each item cautiously as if she was trying to remember what each color would look like once it was on the paper. I could tell she was getting flashback each time she stopped.

After gathering all the materials, she sits down on the other corner so she would be in front of me. She reorganizes the supplies around the white piece of paper so they were easy to grab.

She sighs, “I have to warn you that this will be time consuming so I need you to keep the same facial expression at all times so just focus on something that will keep your face still.”

I nod, “Okay.”

Y/N

It felt really weird drawing again after nearly ten years. I almost forgot how to start once I set all the pencils, pens, and markers out on the table. Looking at Minho’s face helped get me started. Each time I had to look up at him, I almost got lost in his eyes and how they were watching me so intently. His expression never changed once I started. He had this look of pure happiness even though he only had a small smile on his face. His eyes and smile said it all.

It probably took me about two hours to finish the drawing. I could’ve taken breaks in between but once I started I didn’t want to stop. It was like riding a bike again. Everything started coming back to me as I went on drawing. Minho didn’t move much. I would constantly ask him if he was okay or if he needed a break but each time he said no and to continue on.

Dropping the colored pencil, I stretch my arms. “Okay, I’m done.”

Minho starts moving his neck and shoulders around in relief, “How does it look? Obviously not as good as the real thing, right?”

I chuckle taking another full look at the realistic drawing, “I mean it’s not too bad. I am a little rusty after all.”

I hand him the drawing for him to judge. His eyes widen along with a smile, “Is this what you call rusty? It’s amazing. It makes me want to kiss myself.”

I crack my knuckles, “I guess I still got it.”

After cleaning up the art supplies, I invite Minho up to my apartment for a drink since he had to sit still for so long. The sun was beginning to set outside but I didn’t really want to let Minho go just yet. I’d let him into my heart where there was a lot of grief that I’m afraid once he leaves that’s it.

I look at him for a moment and begin to think what kind of things he’s been holding back that he might not have the courage to talk about. The discussion with Key begins to pop in mind. I wonder what his story is.

“Minho,” he hums in response, “can I ask you something?”

He puts his glass down, “Sure, what is it?”

“Last year, you lost the championship. People say that you loss the fight on purpose, is that true?” He looks at me for a moment without answering that I begin to regret asking him so suddenly.

His eyes shift down to his hands as he sighs, “Yes, I did.”

“But why? You worked so hard to get that far. How could you throw it away like that?”

He raises his gaze to meet mine, “My parent’s own a restaurant. They were about to lose it. At the time, I was just a rookie and I had no sponsors yet. I didn’t have the money to help them. I couldn’t let their dream get taken away because they supported mine for so long. I had to do something. At the time, I was friends with a guy, or so I thought I knew him as one, but what I didn’t know was that he was into betting and other things to make money. He came up with the idea.”

“That idea involved you losing your championship. Minho, you could’ve gotten sponsors after the win.”

He nods, “I couldn’t wait for them to come. I needed the money right then and there. I make it to the finals and have everyone bet on me. We bet on the other guy and split the money. I’m not proud for doing it but it was for my parents and I would do it again if I had to.”

I reach over to take his hand, “I don’t blame you. If I had to choose to give up art completely to have my parents back I would do it.” I was in awe of his choices but he did it for his family and for that I can’t judge him so harshly.

I take my glass over to the sink. I’m about to turn around when Minho’s arm embrace me from behind.

“You’re the first person to not make me feel guilty about it.” He whispers in my ear.

I turn to face him. He has somewhat of a sad smile on his face as he looks at me. I can tell that he’s been burying the incident while trying to rebuild himself all over again. It hasn’t been easy for him which is probably why he’s had such a snobby attitude when I first met him.

I pull him into my embrace. The feelings were almost like us being released from our worries and guilt about ourselves.

His hold tightens before slightly pulling away. I became disappointed of the distance until his mouth immediately covers mine for a hungry kiss. His lips are just as soft as I remember the first time we kissed. This time I wasn’t going to pull away because I’m sure of what I want without fear of anything.

The kiss was never ending as our breathing became heavier. Minho’s body began to press further against mine causing a moan to release from my mouth as the counter kept us firmly against each other. My hands slid up from his neck to run through his hair while the other found its way into the collar of his shirt to feel his toned shoulder blades.

I begin to feel the spark in my core igniting as Minho’s strong hands touched the nape of my neck while the other hand was slowly finding the bottom of my blouse. Once his fingers grazed the skin under my shirt, it sent a satisfying chill between my legs.

I started to feel like Minho was being extremely careful with his next approach that I begin to get impatient of what’s to come next. In order for him to know that I’m sure about this, I reach down to the bottom of his sweatshirt to pull it up. Minho breaks the kiss to get the sweatshirt over his head. I bite my lip once I get the chance to admire his lean body.

“What? Did you think my training was just for show?”

Making eye contact, he smirks before wrapping an arm around my waist to lift me onto the edge of the sink. I nearly fall back when Minho grabs me by the waistline of my jeans to pull me closer to his bulge.

In response, I pull my blouse over my head, “Are you trying to show off right now?”

Minho chuckles before bringing his lips back onto mine where they didn’t stay for very long. His mouth travels down my neck. He’d kisses, suck, and even bite on every inch of my skin as he made his way down towards my breasts. His hands slid up my back until he found the clip on my bra. Just as quickly as he found it, he was even quicker to undo and slide my bra off my shoulders.

Feeling the sensation in between my legs slowly growing, I push Minho’s chest to get some space as I jump off the edge of the sink, “Not that I’m not having a good time but my butt’s going numb on this counter.” He laughs as I take him by the hand to lead him towards my bedroom.

Halfway there, Minho’s arms wrap around my bare abdomen and his lips continued to leave behind wet kisses along with his teeth biting at the skin of my shoulders and neck. My hands had a plan of their own as I struggle to undo his pants backwards. It gave Minho the idea to do the same as his travel down to unzip my jeans followed by his hands finding their way into the waistline to slid them down.

Reaching the bed, Minho whispers in my ear, “Bend over.”

I instantly obey placing my hands on the edge of the bed as Minho slides my jeans, along with my underwear, down my legs. Stepping out of them, I begin to feel shy at the vulnerable state I was now in.

Tossing my clothes aside, Minho’s hand starts gliding up my legs until he reached my thighs. He stands over me when his fingers slowly traces towards my inner thighs. Ultimately reaching my folds. His lips leave kisses up my spine until the heat of Minho’s body touches my back.

His hand continues to explore between my legs, “Minho...” I try to beg for him but my mind ends up going blank at his touch.

He shushes me, “I know. I have to be sure you’re ready for me.”

Before I could come up with something to say, his fingers slides up and down my slit until pushing past my folds. I gasp from the sudden intrusion and end up squeezing down on his fingers. He groans in my ear before removing his fingers, leaving an empty feeling.

Minho turns me back to face him where his lips find mine again. This kiss felt more needy like he didn’t think it would last so he wanted to savor the taste.

“Lie down.” He orders. I’m barely able to speak at this point from how much his touch is causing my brain to go blank with little to no response from it.

Minho followed as he crawls over me. Reaching down between us, I slide his pants down his thighs as he takes over to remove the rest down his legs until he manages to get them completely off.

“Fuck,” he says under his breath.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He runs his hands through his hair as he buries his head in my shoulder, “I don’t have a condom on me.”

I chuckle at the disappointment on his face. I reach over into the bedside table drawer where I kept a pack of condoms that Key had given me for my birthday in hopes that I would get laid this year. I never figured they’d actually come in handy.

I hand him the condom as he tilts his head in curiosity. I wave him off, “Don’t ask.”

After wrapping his erection, he leans over me with his length teasing my entrance. Minho combs the loose strands away from my face as his eyes bore into mine before pushing his hips further against my thighs. The tip of his penis slowly pushes past my folds causing me to groan from the lustful feeling. My walls welcomed and squeezed him which caused Minho to take a breath before moving anymore. It isn’t until he begins to move at a steady pace that I grip at his skin for support.

I press my knees against his hips to pull him deeper into me each time he thrusts. Goosebumps formed when his low groans would sound in my ear. It felt as though each time he sunk into me I was going to fall a part.

Once he begins to change the speed, I found myself having a tight hold on his shoulder to pull his body closer to mine. My moans got louder once I started to match his rhythm, hitting the sweet spot that’s deep down in my core. The pleasure in my body continued to rise to a point where I felt that knot in my stomach begin to tighten. We stayed in sync up until that spring in my core released leaving my leg feeling like jelly.

Minho’s lips traveled up and down my jaw as his hand strokes my hair. Our breathing was the only sound in the room. We stayed like that for a long moment until the grogginess began to take over.

I open my eyes to see nothing but a dark room. There was a slight shift in movement as the warm feeling that was covering my body starts to move away. Instinctively, I reach for the feeling to keep it close by.

I hear a chuckle, “It’s okay.” The warmth returns to pull me in. “I’m not going anywhere.”

MINHO

Y/N slept in my arms so naturally. I stayed awake continuing to replay the night over and over again until sleep finally caught up to me. I tried to change my position away from her body but her arms reached out to pull be back. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute she reacted. I never wanted to leave her side.

The bright sun woke me up to the morning. Trying to adjust to the brightness of the room, I feel this ticklish sensation on my stomach.

“If you keep moving I’m gonna mess up.” I rub the tiredness from my eyes to find Y/N sitting on my hips, painting on my torso.

“What are you doing?”

She smirks, “I was just checking to see if these paints still work.”

“By using them on me?”

“I don’t have any canvases to paint on. Your abs were the only thing hard enough.”

I stretch my arms over my head, “Give me a minute. Something else will get hard for you to use to paint on.”

She laughs but it doesn’t stop her from painting. “I hope you don’t mind me wearing your sweatshirt.”

It’s not until she mentions it that I notice that she’s wearing my shirt with the sleeves rolled up, “Not at all. It’s only a hundred thousand dollar shirt.” Her face falls and I chuckle from the reaction, “I’m kidding.”

She sighs, “I already owe you those sunglasses. My debt is about to be worth more than this apartment.”

I watch Y/N continue her painting. I look down to see what exactly she was painting. It was an ocean view of a sunset. She finishes lining the ocean ripples with the brush around my belly button.

“You're like a female version of Bob Ross.”

“There’s no mistakes, only happy accidents.” She smiles as she places the brush and the tray of paint on the bedside table.

I sit up but she instantly pushes me down, “Are we not done?”

“No, you have to sit still until the paint dries or it’ll smudge.” She leans down to give me a teasing kiss on the lips.

I bite my lip at the sight of her cleavage showing from the oversized sweatshirt. Sighing, I look up at her, “Do you know how hard it is for me to wait with you hovering over me?”

She laughs, dropping her head on my shoulder. “Fine. Since you’re so impatient.” Her lips glide across my cheek as she kisses my jaw, “I’ll make the process go by faster.”

With a playful grin on her face, she begins to lower her head towards my chest and blows on the damp paint to dry. She continues to do this until she reaches the end of the paint where she placed a towel over my waist area to keep the paint from landing in the sensitive areas.

I groan in frustration, “You’re really doing this to me right now?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just trying to dry the paint.” Her hands begin to press against my thighs as she start to pull the towel further down my legs.

Suddenly, her cell phone starts to ring from the kitchen. She groans as she looks at the time then her expression changes.

She sits up, “No one calls me this early.”

“It’s probably Taemin checking in. He seemed really worried about you.”

“No, I already talked to him before I met up with you. The only other person that would call me this early would be Key and he only does that when something’s wrong.”

Y/N gets up from the bed and disappears to where the ringing was coming from. In the meantime, I continue to admire her artwork in detail.

All of sudden, I hear my phone vibrate from my pants. Carefully, I get up from the bed to pull out my phone from the back pocket. There’s a missed call from Hyun-Ki along with a text message. I guess he’s finally chosen to take my offer. I open the message. My hand clenches the phone in anger.

The text message read, “I think we should renegotiate.” Attached to the text was a photo of Y/N leaving the cafe.

Y/N

I reach my phone before the call could go to voicemail. I begin to have this unsettling feeling when I saw that it was in fact Key calling. He knew that I wasn’t going to come in today so something isn’t right.

I answer, “Key, what’s up?”

He was breathing loudly, “Y/N, I-I don’t know what happened!”

“Key, calm down. What’s wrong?”

“I came in like I normally do and it was like this.” He was frantic in explaining the problem that I can barely understand where he was getting at with the call.

“Okay, you’re not making sense. Are you hungover again?”

“Y/N!” He calls my name with a much serious tone that I rarely hear from him,  “Something’s happened to the cafe!”

[Eight]

[dearestnelson]

Tony doesn’t do therapy. He doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, for one thing. Nothing good has ever come out of it. It doesn’t make him feel any better to talk about it, and it doesn’t help the world in any way. All he can do to help the world is be Iron Man. So that’s what he’s going to do.

He’s fine, he tells himself at night when he’s home from Afghanistan. He’s fine, he tells himself in a cold shower. He tells himself this every time Rhodey brings it up, tell him, too. He endures Rhodey’s hard stare, tight face, and disapproving glance away. They both know he can’t convince Tony to do it. Because Tony doesn’t do therapy.

When New York happens, Fury suggests it, and Tony shoots it down. Tony doesn’t do therapy, he says, and says it again when Pepper wakes him up from a nightmare the next night. 

He avoids it as long as he can, and then, therapy finds him.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

It’s Rhodey again, the first person to urge him to talk to someone. Right now Tony is clutching the edge of the breakfast table. The TV in the restaurant is playing the news broadcast of the New York battle a few months ago. Tony’s eyes are screwed shut. He tries to breathe. He tries to breathe. He tries to breathe.

“Tones,” Rhodey’s voice is a tentative and insistent pressure on his heart. “Please. I know you don’t want to, but it helps more than I can say, and I wasn’t the one that was tortured for months in Afghanistan with my own weapons and then flew a nuclear warhead into outer-space to an alien army.”

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. You know air right? Tony doesn’t. Why isn’t the air working? He feels it in his throat, hears it in his ears. It doesn’t work. Tony can’t breathe.

He shoves his hands against the table, and stumbles backwards. The chair falls over and Rhodey moves to catch him. 

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get you help.”

So. 

Apparently Tony does do therapy. At least he’s being led to the room for it. Rhodey drives him to Shield, and Tony isn’t in any place to fight it. Tony feels weak for it, but he loves the contact of Rhodey’s hands tight on his arms. He needs it. Needs to feel grounded. Needs to feel comforted. The air is starting to work a little bit better now, but his vision is still foggy. His thoughts are still rapid. 

Outside the Shield Emergency Room someone checks Tony’s physical to make sure he’s alright. Given he’s never been to the Counseling Center before, he has to take a test, but it’s given orally because of time concerns and because it’s Tony Stark so the rules are bent a bit. 

The walls are too plain and the room smells like nothing. There are people in chairs on their phones waiting for their appointments. It startles Tony that people would come here willingly. And a lot of them are men. Why would men be allowed to talk to someone so vulnerably like this? Don’t they feel shame?

Rationally Tony knows that times are different. That his father is not around, and therapy is a necessary tool for healing. Wounds of the mind are just as, if not more, serious than wounds of the observable body. But he hears his father’s words echoing around his skull, banging around like a ball in a tennis court. 

Stark men are made of Iron. Iron men don’t cry. 

“Tony?” a calm, sweet-demeanored woman asks from the doorway.

Tony shakes himself out of it. He blinks rapidly. His heart is okay now. Maybe. The air feels dry, but it’s working. It’s fun when air works.

Tony flashes a smile, and walks forward. The woman nods at his appearance, and smiles at him. They don’t talk all the way down the hallway to her office. The silence is a bit unsettling, and for once in his life, Tony Stark can’t think of a damn thing to say.

They sit down. There are three chairs. Two facing each other, and one at a desk. 

“You can sit there,” the woman motions. “My name is Sam. It’s nice to meet you, Tony.”

“Yeah,” Tony says breathlessly. “I don’t usually,” he waves his hands in front of him.

Sam smiles at him. She keeps smiling. Was that in the job prescription? He bets it is. 

“I understand. This must be a big step for you.”

Tony laughs. Sam doesn’t. Her gaze is intense, face placid and revealing.

And they... Talk. Sort of. Not really they, but mostly him. Tony talks a lot only because Sam stays an unsettling sort of quiet when Tony doesn’t talk, so he has to say something. Anything that comes to his mind.

They talk about work. Blueprints. Whatever he can think of that isn’t That Stuff that they actually want him to talk about. Spite works like that. 

So he talks about Stark Industries.

“That must be a lot on you,” Sam says eventually, “having to manage such an important industry.”

Tony’s eyes flicker. A lot on him? That was nothing. The only person that thought his work was too much was Pepper. Everyone else said he didn’t do enough, maybe not with those words exactly, but Tony could see it. He needed to do more for everyone. The Avengers, his friends, even clients. His work was never good enough. It needed to keep improving. 

“That’s very strong of you to be managing such a large company. Let’s talk about that a little bit. How would you say that managing Stark Industries affects you?”

Tony’s mouth opens. Shuts. 

“It,” he stumbles, “It is what it is. It needs to be done. The Avengers need money to stay up and running, and that means the world needs money to be up and running. “

Sam smiles sympathetically. “That must be a lot of stress on you.”

The words sit there in the air.

The words bounce off Tony like water on concrete during a storm.

“Yeah,” he chokes, like the word is coming out of his mouth without meaning to. “It is stressful.”

Sam smiles. 

“Thank you,” she says. “That must have been hard for you to admit.”

Tony would have shrugged. He should have shrugged. But the door was closed, and no one could see him in here, and he’d already said so much, that he doesn’t. He doesn’t shrug. He doesn’t deflect. It all comes pouring out of him without filter. 

“I’m so stressed. So anxious all the time. So much it’s like I can’t handle it. Like I’m dying. I’m on edge thinking about how my friends are going to die, and in order to save them I have to torture myself with every time I’ve nearly died. A lot of times I think death would be worse because then I wouldn’t have the dreams. I know people care. I know. But that makes it worse because then they matter. And if they matter they can’t see me when I can’t handle fucking anxiety.

I can’t see it. Anxiety is an enemy that I can’t see. But it’s an enemy that I feel, always battering me, always shaking me and killing me, and there’s no way to win this. I’m going to die from it one day. And I’m so--

So scared.”

Tony’s crying now. A soft, unassuming cry, tears without the noise. Tight throat. Breathe. Air works a little bit.

Sam smiles at him sadly. They sit there silently for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything.

“You know,” Sam says, “There are ways to fight this enemy. Anxiety is one of the worst, most cruel villains of the world. You can fight it through medication. And this,” she motions to the room. “Talking will normalize it. I will help you deal with this. You are not alone.”

Tony’s heart stutters in his chest. Is he even allowed to ask for help from someone else? 

“You need help,” Sam answers knowingly. “It’s okay to ask for it. You wouldn’t get upset with a patient needing mending of a broken bone. Why should you deny yourself medical, doctoral help from a professional with your very real illness?”

They sit there in silence again. Tony doesn’t know what to say. His voice is dry and his words are stuck in his throat. He doesn’t want to say anything because he’s afraid of what will come out.

But the room is empty. There are no cameras. There are no important, grief-bearing people that need to be protected. It’s just him. And Sam, a doctor, telling him he can accept help.

He nods sharply.

“Yeah,” he rasps. “Okay.”

[infolibrary]

14 People Talk About the Moment They First Realized They Were Mentally Ill

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14 People Talk About the Moment They First Realized They Were Mentally Ill

The most dangerous myth about psychological health is that people with different disorders don’t realize what is happening to them and are unable to notice when they start to have trouble. In fact, this situation is only possible when a disorder is psychotic or when a person sees a completely different reality. But if a disorder manifests differently, the person experiencing the disorder still has the ability to think critically and they are still able to notice that something is wrong.

Bright Side learned about the most important signs of psychological health problems from the stories of people who share when they first realized that something was wrong with them. These stories made us think a lot.

***

I had been really depressed for a few months (I knew I had problems with depression) when I suddenly started feeling better. In fact, I felt great. I felt great for about a week. Then I started to feel incredibly wound up. I spent nearly $40,000 (which I didn’t have) in a few days, mostly on shoes. I stopped sleeping.

Very early one morning, I woke up obsessed with the idea that my shoes weren’t perfect, and I took the subway to my office at 4:30 a.m. to collect the shoes that were there and brought them home and arranged all of my shoes in the dining room by heel height and then alphabetically by designer. And then I got distracted and made cupcakes. And then I went back to my shoes and recorded every flaw I could see on each of them so I could take them to the cobbler.

And then my boyfriend woke up, observed me and my shoes, and my breakfast of cupcakes, and told me I had to go to the doctor. By that point it was still only 7:30 a.m. Looking back, the strange thing is that I didn’t notice anything odd about my behavior at the time. If not for my boyfriend, I would have gone to work that day as if nothing had happened. © Anonymous, bipolar disorder

***

Sitting in 7th grade social studies taking a test. Heard someone call my name. Turned to my sister to ask her if she heard someone call me… She hadn’t. Things got worse over the next few years. But it was then that I knew something wasn’t right. And I knew it wasn’t good. © Julia Yeckley, schizoaffective disorder

***

I had trouble discerning reality from my thoughts, usually early in the day or late at night. I was worried about things that I thought were real, when I had only actually thought about them. The moment that really scared me was when I woke up one morning, went downstairs to take a shower, and that’s when I woke up again, and it was only 2 am, and my alarm hadn’t rung. This happened twice in a row, so in my mind it was all an illusion. I started having doubts about what I thought I knew, what I thought was real, and what wasn’t. I told a few people about it, they all told me I was crazy. © weaselinMTL, schizoaffective disorder

***

I always knew I was an outcast and that I was different. I think around 6 or 7 years old is when I started experiencing mania, I would read in the pitch black darkness and try to maneuver my book to where the words I was reading would be illuminated by the light that would creep through the little gaps in the blinds of my window. If I got caught, my dad would get so mad!!

I didn’t know how to explain it to my mom and dad that my mind would race at 150 MPH and I’d worry about bills and school and growing up and a career and how much money I’d need to make a week/month/year to survive… Yes all that at 7 years old. © Сhristina Lewis, bipolar disorder

***

The breaking point in my life was the first time I felt uncontrollable rage. I blinked and my entire world changed. I was holding a long steel table and I was trying to kill my colleague with it. Fortunately, there was not enough room for the swing and I was stopped by the wall. Then, I tried to squash the guy with a table. 2 other guys grabbed me and it was only then that I came to my senses and started to understand what I was doing. © Doug Hilton, post-traumatic stress disorder

***

I was 16 years old. I had been being treated for depression for several months. But I wasn’t just depressed. I was having episodes of hypomania (later, when I was older, I had full manic episodes). I stayed up all night on school nights working on art projects that fell apart. At a gathering, I ran down the street without a shirt on. I kicked a hole in a wall during a tantrum. My energy was out of control. I would talk and talk like I couldn’t stop. I knew something was up.

At the time some pharmaceutical company was advertising a medication online by posting a survey that had questions about mood and activities, and it suggested I talk to my doctor about bipolar disorder. I found myself agreeing with the quiz, and suggested to my psychiatrist that I was bipolar. My doctor agreed with that assessment. © Paige Lauren

***

I knew something was wrong when I began to tell my friend why I needed Adderall to stay up at night (used in the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and narcolepsy). I told him it felt like something was in my room. And the look on his face when I said it felt like that something was shoving me when I turned my back was a sign. The moment I decided to seek help was when a voice told me to be careful of the man who was behind me with a rope about to hang me. Everything’s good now and I have no symptoms, but I’m glad I talked with my friend and caught it early. © astupidsquirrel, schizoaffective disorder

***

I realized that my childhood wasn’t normal, and that an “imaginary friend” who is able to take control of their body isn’t a normal imaginary friend. Still trying to find a psychiatrist in my country who will be able to diagnose us, but the last one we saw was sure we were more than one in our head. She just didn’t have the knowledge to make a proper diagnosis (and I bet she wasn’t good at English either, we never talked about the resources I gave to her). © Celine Denca

***

When I was about thirteen, I started losing interest in activities I liked and my best friend commented that I seemed so serious and didn’t laugh anymore. Around the same time, I constantly smelled a dusty/smoky smell that no one else could smell. I went for a brain scan and everything was normal. When I was fifteen, my depression worsened, and about once a day I heard a voice that told me to kill myself. At the same time, my moods changed rapidly over the course of each day and I did not sleep a lot.

Sometimes when people hear about mood changes, they think of angry, violent people. I was never angry or dangerous to other people. I never yelled at other people or blamed them for my problems. Nor did I ever do anything to get attention. I hid my moods as best I could, and I did everything I could to be normal. I knew it wasn’t normal to hallucinate (the voice and smell), but I didn’t think anyone would believe what I was experiencing. © Jennifer Belzile

***

My legs started twitching again, I sobbed, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted everything to just stop. I wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to exist. My mom tried to calm me down, but I couldn’t be calmed. I felt like my body wasn’t mine to control anymore. The shaking came and went in waves, my body shook like a house in an earthquake. I had to tell her I needed help. I couldn’t live like this anymore.

That was my first and (thankfully) only panic attack. It was 11 pm, I had class the next day but I hadn’t finished my homework. I wanted to explain to my mom what was going on in my life. Why I was always jumpy and on edge. I was so so scared. I didn’t know how she would react. I feared judgment. I thought she would say I was lying, she listened calmly and told me she would set up an appointment for as soon as possible. © Marie Kuehler, panic disorder

***

During an anxiety episode caused by being in a crowded mall, I turned to my friend and said, in all seriousness, “If this crowd doesn’t start moving, I am going to start throwing these girl scouts over the railing.” We were on the second floor, with a children’s play area under us. I knew this. I did not care.

I only cared about getting out of there, and they were the immediate obstacles. Throwing them over the railing was the most expedient method of removing those obstacles. The fact that they were teens and preteens, had done nothing wrong, and would likely die and/or kill the children below did not matter. Even as I was thinking about it, before I said it, I knew it was monstrous. I knew it was a crazy thought from a diseased mind. I hated myself. I still said it. I still meant it. I still intended to act on it if necessary. He looked at me, wide-eyed, and then told the girls at the back of the group exactly what I said and why. They relayed it forward and the group moved out of the way rather quickly. I still felt horrible and added that to my list of things to address in therapy. © Erik Johnson, clinical depression, anxiety

***

It was probably the time I could hear my then husband breathing from 3 rooms away and wanted to go kill him just to make the sound stop (he was not snoring, and I did not attempt to do it)… That thought got me on the phone with my primary doctor ASAP. © Stacy Arguelles, bipolar disorder

***

I got up early, worked out, and was dressed ready for the day. I could do it today, everything can change today. I looked outside. I froze, I couldn’t go into work, I couldn’t go outside, I cried, and stayed in bed all day, trying to sleep off these emotions. It was then that I realized that I have been slowly declining and I am nearing the edge, the breaking point where something in life will fail.

I tried to deny how bad I was, since I was a fairly functioning person with absolutely no one truly suspecting that I was depressed and suicidal. I worked out, slept regularly, maintained my hobbies, but still could not escape the absolute void that was following me. Truly it was every day, the little things. Forgetting to eat, finding more excuses to not go into work, relying on coffee to “get through things” easier, saying no more often to any sort of social events. © Brittney Nichole, clinical depression

***

I stalked my therapist. I was seeing a therapist for about 4 weeks. We were still developing a relationship with one another. Before I started seeing him, I naturally Googled a way to find out more information about him, his practice, and possible patient reviews or complaints to see if he would be worth my time. He was a married man in his forties, with 3 kids, he was an active member of his church, and was in good standing with his clients. He had a polite demeanor and was overall a nice guy. There was nothing special about him.

I had been feeling depressed on and off, and it was starting to take a toll on me, hence, my visits to the therapist. I’d never heard of bipolar before. I just assumed that I had depression and my hypomanic episodes were just “bursts of energy.” During our fourth meeting, I was telling him how I was feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. I felt like I was just going through the motions of everyday life and I was tired of not having anything to ground me. I couldn’t feel happy and I was getting increasingly frustrated with my life.

I remember the exact words he said: “ A lot of people turn to religion in a time like this. Did you think about going to church?” Something snapped in me.

Is he trying to force his beliefs on me? He’s so pathetic that he needs reassurance that there’s life after death. Hahaha…what a weakling.

I left the session and headed home like nothing happened, still reeling with anger. I did not sleep at all for the next 2 nights. I was up, planning my revenge, obsessing over this polite, mild-mannered guy who just gave me an innocent suggestion that could help me. I remember trying furiously to dig up as much information about him as I could (even downloading things to allow me to explore the “dark web” to assist me with my search), pacing back and forth, basically climbing walls.

Suddenly, the perfect idea came to my head: I will seduce him. I was 24 at the time. A young, fit, attractive female. He will want to have sex with me. I will seduce him and he will cheat on his wife. He will destroy his perfect family. I managed somehow to dig up his address. I jumped in my car and drove to his house. My heart was pounding with excitement. This was the middle of the second night – I was running on virtually no sleep, yet, my mind was crystal clear. I was on a mission.

I wasn’t planning on doing anything, I just wanted to observe. I wanted to see him and his family that I wanted so badly to destroy. I was about a mile away from my destination, when my obsession began ebbing away. Sleepiness overtook me. I was tired. Hungry (I did not eat for 2 days). Weak. I suddenly started to feel deeply ashamed of myself. Embarrassed. Stupid.

I turned around and went home. I opened a bottle of wine and drank the whole thing, just to make those feelings go away and forget the past few days. I sank into an almost 2-week long depression after that. Why would I possibly want to destroy someone’s life like this? You’re a bad human being. Stay away from people.

Looking back at this, I often think that it was a dream, it wasn’t real, I’m not the kind of person who would do something like that. Maybe I was being possessed?

After that, I immediately canceled any future appointments that I had with him. I was too ashamed to face him. I couldn’t possibly look into his eyes and tell him what I did and what I was planning on doing. After that, I knew something was wrong.

Moral of the story? Get help before your mania takes it too far. © Anonymous, bipolar disorder

And do you believe that a person with a mental disorder can diagnose a problem on their own?

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im an 18 year old female and my dad dropped the ball a while back and i havent had health insurance for 2-3 years now. and i need health insurance so where can i get health insurance? i make little money like pretty much $30 a month cuz i have a part time job where i work once maybe twice a month i live in california. prefferably a health plan just for health and dental if possible...but really anything will do at this point

Volvo S40 insurance cost?

I'm going to lease a new car soon and I had my heart set on a 2008 Volkswagen Jetta SE ($21,040), but yesterday I found an really good deal on a 2007 Volvo S40 ($20,800). It's never been sold so it's technically new (it was a dealer demo). I'm just wondering if the insurance on this car would be similar to that of the Jetta. It's the base model 2.4i with no options except the automatic transmission. Do you know if if the Volvo would be more costly to insure?""

""No car, but required car insurance?""

I drive a company vehicle for my job. Due to recent accidents (I was not involved) with the company vehicle, my job had all drivers sign a paper stating that we have personal insurance, valid drivers license, I do not have a working car atm, so I do not have personal insurance. They have pulled me off my driving job and if I dont figure anything out I will lose 16 hours of work a week, is this legal? And does anybody have any suggestions for me?""

Could anyone tell me a cheap reliable 125cc motobike with cheap insurance ?

Could anyone tell me a cheap reliable 125cc motobike with cheap insurance ?

How can you justify paying this much for insurance?

my insurance was canceled on my a month ago so im shopping around. i have a friend who is a broker who recommended using progressive - for $711 a month. wtf. i have 1 speeding ticket, 1 minor traffic violation, and one comp claim. i used to have state farm and the most i ever paid was $240 a month. this is just wrong in all respects. how do they expect any 21 year old to pay that much? thats a rent payment. i have an 05 scion tc, im wondering if buying a cheap beater would affect the price at all.""

If i cancel my auto insurance before the 6 months are up will i get money back?

i gave 730 dollars for 6 months of insurance in april and it expires in september...but im selling my car an not driving it and want to take the insurance off....will i get money back after i prepaid for 6 months even tho i didnt use all 6 months?

""What is the cheapest insurance for a teenager in alex,la for a motorcycle?""

What is the cheapest insurance for a teenager in alex,la for a motorcycle?""

Car insurance in Ohio?

I'm getting a car soon (never had one before) and I know I need car insurance. I was looking at triple AAA, but they don't seem to have full coverage (the one where if you damage property etc. your insurance company pays for most of it). And it seems only good for old cars. I was wondering what the best insurance for new drivers in in Ohio? Also, do you need a credit card to get insurance? Thank you so, so much!

Can kaiser health insurance drop me?

I'VE been vomiting and been feeling sick but i dont know what is causing it so i applied for health insurance and got approved. On the application, it askedif i was diagnosed with any illness and i was not. But if i go to a physical exam, telling them of my symptoms and do get diagnosed with something, can theinsurance drop me? I feel like i did not lie on my application because i dont even know if i have a disease but i am worried that they will say that i had a preexisting condition?""

Do you need insurance for a 50cc scooter in florida?

Do you need insurance for a 50cc scooter in florida?

Motorcycle insurance for a 17 year old?

im interested in getting a bike (CF Moto V5), and i was wonder what would be a close estimate to the yearly cost? thank you.""

Whas isthe best health insurance plan for single individual?

Married male, 33, smoker. Wife has insurance through job, I do not. Too expensive to go through her work. What is the best/most affordable per month insurance plan for myself only?""

Can I get car insurance from a country in the EU (but not in the UK) when living and driving in the UK?

I am looking for cheaper car insurance, I was wondering whether it would be cheaper to get insurance from an EU country, such as France, then drive in the UK. I am a young driver and have recently passed my test. Also is this legal?""

Parents to buy car or insurance?

How can I persuade my parents to buy me a car or pay for my insurance (preferably insurance because that is more expensive). My dad said he is going to buy my sister a car and pay for her insurance but is going to make me get mine all on my own, even though I have better grades than her in school and I am more active outside - I play sports and do physical work. And to top it off, my test is in December, so I really will only have a car for the next 10 months as I will then be going to university, so the insurance won't even be that much. How can I persuade them?""

How can i get cheap car insurance?

How can i get cheap car insurance?

That great republican healthcare plan of out of state insurance co.?

Like here in California where an Indiana company, Wellpoint, buys out Blue Cross of California, renames it Anthem and jacks up private rates 39%. How is that going to save me money?""

Where can i find low cost health insurance that can include dental? I am in GA.?

I havebeen looking everywhere for health insurance that includes dental(because I want braces)but they are so much (like 290 for a adult and 2 children) I am 16 years old looking for health insurance for my dad,me,and my sister.""

Cheap cars to get insured on in the UK on a provisonal license?

cheap cars for young drivers to get insured on? Ok so I am a provisonal driver - currently the cheapest insurance quote i have found is for a smart car @ 730. Has any other provisional drivers got or had insurance on any cars that give a real cheap insurance? I was kind of thjintking a cheap 150 quid car would have even cheaper insurance but it turned out to be more expensive (Im lookin at 3rd party cover, not inc theft and fire btw)""

How much could the cheapest car insurance be for a length of 6months?

I am planning to by a car and I wanna get my finances together. Knowing fully well that getting a car is one thing and insuring it is another, I wanna find out how much the cheapest car insurance could be for a 6months period.""

How much would it cost for monthly insurance on a Dodge Viper 2009?

Im doing a math project at school and we have to buy a car. What would the approximate cost be to insure it monthly?

""Affordable Medical Insurance plan in Boston, Ma?""

Hi, My finance has not had Medical Insurance for the past year because it is so expensive!!!Doesn anyone know any agencies that provide Medical Insurance at an affordable cost..We've tried Free care already and we didnt gualify. Thank You""

Car insurance quotes: What is car trim?

I'm trying to get some car insurance quotes in which one of the questions is asking for the trim of the car, with the options E Match or S Help?""

Will auto insurance be cheaper If i'm on my parent's plan?

I'm 17. I graduated college early, so i'm now a sophomore in college. I have a job, where I make generally $600 a month. Not much but i'll be graduating soon so I can deal with it until I move out. Anyway, I'm having to buying my own car because the car my parents bought me is sadly a piece of crap and breaking down every other day. (06 suzuki, they should stick to making ATV's.) I'll be making $100 per month car payments until February, and i'll also be paying for my own insurance. It's complicated. The lowest quote I can find online is about $186 bucks, which I can't afford. I don't need full coverage, I can't afford it. And won't be able to for a while. If i'm on my mom's insurance plan, it should be quite a bit cheaper, right? I'll be 18 in a month but i've had 1 speeding ticket. The car i'm buying is an 02 Jeep liberty. Is it possible to be able to pay around $90-$130 under my mom's plan? Or is that just completely out of the question.""

Does car insurance not cover broken cars?

long story short there is a mahoosive hole in my engine and a burnt out lume... the car is undriveable as its blown to bits, but ive only had it a month of a private seller... am i right in thinking my car insurance wont pay out for this?""

How much should a Hyundai Sonata lease and insurance be?

I want to lase a 2011 Hyundai Sonata Limited 2.0T fully loaded within the next couple of days. I've totaled it on HyundaiUSA.com and it cam out to $30,195. the dealer said he would he down to $26,795. Their current promotion says you can lease a 2011 Sonata for 199/mo. for 36 months with $2,399 due at signing. I only want it for 24 months with $2,000 down. Any body have any idea what the lease rate or the insurance would be? Anybody whose leased a 2011 Sonata, please provide input. Thank you to everyone who answers!""

People who cant afford health insurance are quacks?

i see the merits of having universal health care, kind of, but it seems to me that the problem is a lot of middle class citizens who just decide nto to purchase health insurance on the premise that they cannot afford it , and instead opt to buy material goods that are solely for luxury. you cant go out and buy nice cars and houses and bypass health insurance and then cry it off that the government should give free care to everryone.......i definitely agree it should be cheaper for the poor etc. bottom line: ppl need to realize health is the most important thing in there life, and satisfy that need, before thinking about personal possesions (nice cars etc)""

Fake/Edited Car Insurance certificate?

My insurance is fully comp on my own car. but i can ONLY drive this car, not anyone else's car. on the insurance certficate, i edited a section to make it state can drive any motor vehicle with owners permission . Would this work if i were pulled over?? in someone else's car which is also insured to the owner of it? ALSO What usually happens when you are pulled over driving someone else's car and you have insurance on your own car?""

How much should it cost for a 16 years old driver to get a insurance?

How much should it cost for a 16 years old driver to get a insurance?

Getting Car insurance after DUI?

I live in Toronto - anyone have any experience with this? It was over 6 years ago - any companies to recommend?

Im losing all my teeth & I cant get insurance anywhere!!!!?

I am only 22 years old & I noticed all of my back teeth slowly breaking away about 6 months ago. I went to a clinic & found out I have a bad infection, next to no enamel & serious gum disease. They gave me prescription & that's when I found out I had no medical insurance. I never got the meds. because I could not afford them. Since than it has gotten so much worse. I am a single mom of 2 young boys. I pay my own Rent phone electric & everything else with a next to nothing paycheck. So at the end of the month I am left with Nothing. I went to the welfare office & was turned down because I make more than 400$ a month. My job doesn't provide dental but this infection has spread so fast that I don't have 1 tooth that's not infected & the only ones that can even still be saved are the top 4 in the front. I don't even remember what it feels like to eat solid food & I have tried everything to get health insurance..but I have no $ left over @ the end of the mouth. I feel lost. Does any1 know of anything I can do? This is painful in every way.& I think it is crazy that I can not have dental insurance because I have a job. I cant quit my job to save my teeth. My fronts probably have less than a month b4 they start to chip away from the gum line...& I am out of options.""

""Rental rates WAY too high! Lease, or buy?""

I just moved to los angeles and rented a car for a month for $550. i am on my father's geico insurance plan so i don't pay for that. I am 6 m. shy of 25 so i think rates might be very high for insurance. i am going to be in LA for at least 6 months but maybe much longer. I really don;t know if it is smarter to lease (downsides having to get my own insurance, other issues) buy used (no warranty, having to spend a lot of money if problems arise) looking for most affordable and safest option. do i need my own insurance seperate from my father's if i buy or lease a car in my own name? can i lease a car without a full time employee status (i am an ind. contractor)? please help.""

How much do you reacon my car insurance will be?

I am currently taking driving lessons but in a few months I will be taking my driving test. If I pass my test my mum is giving me her car which is a 1.3 litre Toyota Yaris, I will have to pay for the insurance so I was just wondering how much it would be?""

Medical insurance on long term disability running out. Cobra WAY too expensive. Need affordable alternative.?

I'm on long-term disability from my job and receiving long term disability pay, my husband is unemployed because of a layoff as well, my medical insurance plan expires the end of ...show more""

Car insurance in Ohio?

I'm getting a car soon (never had one before) and I know I need car insurance. I was looking at triple AAA, but they don't seem to have full coverage (the one where if you damage property etc. your insurance company pays for most of it). And it seems only good for old cars. I was wondering what the best insurance for new drivers in in Ohio? Also, do you need a credit card to get insurance? Thank you so, so much!

Which is the cheapest yet reliable auto insurance company?

Which is the cheapest yet reliable auto insurance company?

Whats the website for high school sports insurance?

They use to give the application on paper but now it's online, I forgot the website, what is the website for it?""

Does anyone know cheap car insurance for ladies?

Does anyone know cheap car insurance for ladies?

Will my car insurance rate go up because of this freak accident?

I was backing out of a parking lot and I hit a van coming up. Considering the fact that the parking lot was nearly empty neither one of us saw each other coming. I did pull off pretty fast but not too fast. Their was no damage to my car, but he had a small dent on the side of his nothing major. We called the police cause he was older and felt safer doing that. The police said nothing will go on our records, but didn't say whose at fault. So we just exchanged insurance info. Does this mean nothing will happen, or will my mom go crazy when she finds out? How much of an increase would this cause her insurance to go up? What are the circumstances that this might cause an extreme insurance hike for a 19 year old?""

How cheap can u get???

What is the cheapest car insurance for teenagers that u can get??? What company??? If it matters, I live in NC.""

Where do you normally store your car insurance?

The dilemma: I've always wondered where one would have to store his car insurance and automobile registration in. Say you get into a car accident or a roadblock, you'd have to provide proof that the car that you're in is insured and belongs to you. However, putting your important documents in the glove compartment or even tucked away in the back trunk is always prone to break-ins. So the question is would it be better to keep it in the car or keep it the house (or bank, if you're that paranoid)?""

How much is auto insurance for teenagers?

I'm 16 and I want to know how much does auto insurance cost for an age like mine..

Can my Fiance and I get health insurance together if we aren't married yet?

Can my Fiance and I get health insurance together if we aren't married yet?

""I received a ticket for no seat belt, will it affect my insurance?""

I got the ticket in Garden Grove, California (my first offense). I am thinking about fighting it because I DID have my seat belt on but then I found out that the Vehicle Code 27315 states that the fine for a first offense is no more than $20. But then again I am worried that it will affect my record and my insurance. Can I go to traffic school or something to clear the violation so my insurance won't know? If not should I fight it?""

Should I buy life insurance?

I am a 34 year old male, about to get married and will probably start a family. Some people have suggested that I need to buy life insurance and critical illness and disability insurance to protect my future family. I already have group coverage from my employer that includes some coverage for all of the above, though I work in an industry that is quite volatile and I could be jobless in a downturn. When I look at some of the policies out there and the monthly premiums involved, it seems like I need to dole out a chunk of money for a benefit that will probably never be realized, and the amounts are not even that sizable to make a HUGE difference to the financial security of my future dependents. I currently have around $300k in investments and no debt, and OK coverage from a group policy. Do I really need to buy life insurance? Ideally I need a product where the higher premiums and coverage only kicks in if I am unemployed.""

Does anyone else have USAA insurance?

When do I get my insurance card

""First time buyer buys a new car, how much was your interest RATE?""

Maybe I mean insurance instead of interest, I'm not sure, I don't know that much. I've heard that first time buyers, when buying a car, had little to no interest simply because they've never bought before. Is this true? Please give examples.""

My dad says a 2 door car would be more on the insurance. Is this true? PLEASE ANSWER!!?

We went out looking for cars today and every 2 door car we saw he just kept walking by them. I dont know about him but Im a 2 door kind of guy. He said 2 door cars would be more Insurance. Is that true? I wanted to get this 2 door Cougar or maybe a 2000 or 2001 or 20003 Monte Carlo. WOuld that type of car add more to the Insurance? I really want the monte carlo. Im gonna be putting about $1400 down & the car cost no more than $5000.

Can an insurance company be sued for not paying and ruing my credit?

I had a bill and the insurance refused to pay it. They thought I was under two different insurances. The bill went to collections and they have paid a little on it but not the whole thing. It has been a year now.

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old boy?

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old boy?

How many times can you change your car on an insurance policy?

I buy and sell cars privately but I'm too young for trade insurance. Someone told me I'm not allowed to change cars on one insurance policy too many times as they will cancel my policy. Is this true? And how many times can I change cars on my insurance? Thanks in advance!

What is the oldest year car I can buy without paying for collision insurance?

I want to buy a new car in the 2000's. I know that when you a brand new car you have to pay for collision insurance and I don't want to have to pay for that. What is the oldest year car that I can buy without having to worry about the collision insurance?

I need cheap insurance for me and my baby?

I recently moved out of my mom's house to live with my boyfriend. She was covering me on her insurance but now it's been dropped, We moved to where his new job is and we are letting a friend live with us. My boyfriend's yearly income is about 65,000. I can't be covered under his insurance because we aren't married. I have a 11 month old baby and I have to take pills regularly... I need to find an insurance plan that can cover me and her. If it makes any difference I'm 18 and I'm turning 19 in October... I know some insurance plans cover certain ages. I'd prefer something kind of cheap but I also need something that has decent copay..even if it raises the price a little. Does anyone know a good carrier?""

If the 30 million uncovered Americans can actually afford Health Insurance but choose not to buy it?

What will the Government be paying for exactly? Poor people already have coverage and the rest can buy their own. Where does the cost to the taxpayer enter the equation?

Which company is best for insurance?

I am 17 and have just passed my test I have a 1.4 litre hatchback and need to get my insurance. Where is best? Thanks

Whats wrong with car insurance prices?

Hi, i sold my car ( MG ZS + 1.8 ) Quite a big car and high insurance group, i was paying 75 a month to insure it through kwick fit, i am now trying to insure a small 1.4 peugeot 206 but my quotes are comein out at about 200 per month!! how is this possible? i need to insure this car for my new job that starts next week but i cannot pay this much! i am a 21yr old male if that helps""

Does one have to report fixing a car to insurance?

So let's say that an underage and uninsured driver hits my car in a parking lot. Not totaled or anything, but a large dent and a scratched. I know the child in the car, and his Dad tells me that he could just pay it for the damages out of pocket. If I get an estimate and get the car fixed with the fathers money, do I have to report it to the insurance? Am I allowed to just go to a body shop and get the doors fixed, and that is the end of that? Will I be in any legal trouble if I do it? Thanks.""

Would a 1.4 honda civic be an ideal car for a new driver?

17 year old. Male. Would it be wise getting a 1.4 civic say 1999 plate for a first car?

Which company offers the best priced automotive insurance? I have a teenage driver and the rates are killing!

I have seen many ads for GEICO but I do not know anyone that has tried them. I currently have PROGRESSIVE but do not think I am getting a great rate with them.

Why can't I change my health insurance plan?

I tried calling my health insurance this morning to change to a better plan (Blue Shield) and they won't let me. Why is this? They aren't the ones paying the monthly payment, copays etc.""

Car insurance in Ohio?

I'm getting a car soon (never had one before) and I know I need car insurance. I was looking at triple AAA, but they don't seem to have full coverage (the one where if you damage property etc. your insurance company pays for most of it). And it seems only good for old cars. I was wondering what the best insurance for new drivers in in Ohio? Also, do you need a credit card to get insurance? Thank you so, so much!

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cheap-moped-insurance-lisa-lowman"