#killabeez

[kanjiklubb]

[stillboldlygoing]

ahhhhhh “Bitter Glass” by killabeez (which I want to say was written in 1996) — gosh I have gone to back to that one so many times. such a goddamn incredible writer 🩵✨

currently losing my mind over a spirk ff wrote in 1997 how is everyone else doing??

[periru3]

Better to Have Loved and Lost (Vidshow)

A vidshow for all the loves that were never meant to last (and maybe a few that shouldn't have even started to begin with). Made for VidUKon 2024.

Bad Blood (Never Ever), a Multi-Fandom fanvid by Fiercynn & Scribe We are never, ever, ever getting back together (like, ever).

Hate Me, an Interview with the Vampire fanvid by Killabeez I hate me for loving you.

Bottom of the River, a Due South fanvid by Scribe Hold my hand, ooh baby, it's a long way down to the bottom of the river.

Rolling in the Deep, an X-Men fanvid by Arefadedaway I can't help thinking, we could've had it all.

(I'm Not Calling You a) Liar, a Steven Universe fanvid by Butterfly I love you so much I'm gonna let you kill me.

The Lost Sky, a Xena: Warrior Princess fanvid by Ohvienna Why would you say those words to me if you could not follow through?

This Is Everything, a Star Trek fanvid by Morrigan291 No, I'm not aware of how I could possibly love you without aching.

When We're Dancing, an 11.22.63 fanvid by Periru3 Let's pretend this song won't end, and we never have to go home.

La Noyée, a Portrait of a Lady on Fire fanvid by Tafadhali Running along the shore, I call to you to come back.

Personal Jesus, a Fleabag fanvid by Findmeinthealps & Teyla Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares.

No Children, a Community fanvid by Xandra You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

Lucky Me, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Milly And you're sad, and you're sorry. Let it all out. What are you waiting for?

Till the World Ends, a Titanic fanvid by Rhoboat If you feel it, let it happen, keep on dancing til the world ends.

Thank U, Next, a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fanvid by Ultraviolet Catastrophe I'm so fucking grateful for my ex.

Would've Been You, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.

A whole bunch of bonus vids - cut for time, or for duplicate songs, vidders, or fandoms:

Dante's Prayer, a Titanic fanvid by Thevetia & Morgandawn

Destroying Angels, a Yellowjackets fanvid by Tafadhali

Everything Stops, a Star Trek fanvid by BeatriceEagle

Exile, a Xena: Warrior Princess/Multi-Fandom fanvid by Ultraviolet Catastrophe

Let Me Live, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle

Mowgli's Road, a Brideshead Revisited fanvid by Obsessive24

Some Fantastic, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Laura Shapiro

Something Just Like This, a Game of Thrones fanvid by Sisabet

The World You Thought You Lived In, a Multi-Fandom fanvid by BeatriceEagle

This Is Everything, a Torchwood/Doctor Who fanvid by 24SE

Where Did You Sleep Last Night, a Yellowjackets fanvid by Ohvienna

Writing Notes, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanvid by Here's Luck

[preseriesdean]

for @spnficrecfest day ten 🧡

2x05 SIMON SAID

have a cigar by deadlybride 5.6k words, rated E, published 2020 What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

2x14 HOUSES OF THE HOLY

The real green thing will come by victoria_p 1k words, rated T, published 2007 He'd like to blame the whiskey, but he thinks it's more than that, this whatever-it-is between them that's been there for years.

2x20 WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE + 2x22 ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

Worthless cartography by Goshen / applecrumbledore 15.6k words, rated E, published 2022 Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

2x22 ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

When I Fall Asleep it Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is 1.9k words, rated E, published 2009 Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

3x11 MYSTERY SPOT

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory 3.5k words, rated G, published 2008 Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Dean does. There should be another cheesy eighties song coming on any second, because it's like he wakes up again, without ever falling asleep.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym 10.8k words, rated E, published 2009 Sam really didn't do very well without his brother.

What Went Wrong Yesterday by SinnamonSpider 16.2k words, rated E, published 2017 With Broward County in their rearview and a new case in their laps, Sam struggles to come to terms with the six months he spent alone after Dean’s death - and the fact that it never happened at all. And on top of it all, he now has to deal with the feelings for his brother that have been dragged to the surface.

4x17 IT'S A TERRIBLE LIFE

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze 26.2k words, rated E, published 2009 In which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

5x01 SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

Lesser Evils by Dyed_Red 9.3k words, rated E, published 2020, non-con “So you’re just gonna, what – torture us for an hour while your guys hightail it to Buffalo? That’s your master plan here?” “Oh I can do a lot in an hour or two, Sammy. Like having your surrogate daddy here carve Dean a new face. Like backsliding you off your pretty bandwagon. Like…Seeing how far big brother will go for his sweet baby Sam.”

5x04 THE END

Further than a Ship, Faster Than a Bomb by queenklu 622 words, rated M, published 2010 Set during 5x04, when there was a glorious moment of two Dean Winchesters at the same time. "You left him."

5x14 MY BLOODY VALENTINE

The Heart of Life by queenklu 626 words, rated T, published 2010 A Vonnegut Valentine.

5x18 POINT OF NO RETURN

the tabernacle reconstructed by redmyeyes 2.9k words, rated M, published 2022 They pulled on clothes, afterwards.

6x18 FRONTIERLAND

You Have One Saved Message by killabeez 3.1k words, rated T, published 2011 Sam gets a new smart phone.

6x22 THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH

These Things I Know Are True by killabeez 4.6k words, rated E, published 2011 Cas is off the rails, Sam's barely keeping it together, and Dean's trying to figure out where they go from here.

8x21 THE GREAT ESCAPIST

Last Temptation by merle_p 3k words, rated M, published 2021 Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state.

10x12 ABOUT A BOY

capitulation by deadlybride 8.5k words, rated E, published 2018 When they don't manage to turn Dean back into his adult self, Sam spends a month researching how to fix it.

Betelgeuse by hellhoundsprey 2.8k words, rated E, published 2020 The hex bag never burned.

Telescope by doctor_idiot 7k words, rated E, published 2017 Sam stares at his brother in his baggie hoodie with the rolled-up up sleeves and he wants to cry.

11x17 RED MEAT

Chosen by killabeez 2.5k words, rated E, published 2016, mcd This might be their last night on earth, so Sam figures, what the hell.

[zmediaoutlet]

hey i saw your post about ao3 house style and i can totally relate to it, so i thought maybe you could share some wincest fic recs? please and thank u 🙏

you know what bud, I will indeed share some wincest fic recs bc you should rec the stuff that is good and leave the crud in the dust, right? Right. So -- here are uhh a number of recs as they occur to me, which actually read like a person wrote them instead of an AO3-trained algorithm of some kind. Plus I only rec stuff if I actually like it so consider these Z Certified or something.

The Fremont Street Experience by @nigeltde-fic -- a quick 1200 words that's a fizzing jolt of champagne right under the heart. New love that's just bursting with all that could be. Anticipation fizzes in Dean's veins, dances in his fingertips. The sand shimmers, hazes, glitters. There's so much sky. It pours into the road at the horizon. -- see?

Miles Ahead by @egipci -- a fully-formed entirely real paragraph of 750 words in which we see Sam Winchester in all his want and wanting, and I want to crawl inside the narrative presented and live there year-round. You were pretending to sleep and every once in a while a car would pass by and the headlights would fill up the inside of the car like midday and then I would look at you out the corner of my eye. All the way I thought about Mexico and you there sunburnt. -- I mean my god.

Countdown by @mollyamory-again -- another tight 1200 of just a normally-tense night that dissolves in sweet established-vibes intimacy. Brothers who feel like brothers and also an earned and real -- not hotness exactly but just adults who have sex who act and think like adults, which is not as common as you'd hope! His fingers skate over Dean's skin in lazy patterns; they find their old places, and Dean shoves up to meet them, asking for more and getting more all at once. Sam missed him, Sam wants him; Sam is here, so they can do this, Dean wants so badly to do this.

Four Winters: I by @lindencypressbirch, who got deleted and so we'll just call her Linden. Stretching all the way up to 4700 words this time, Linden takes us through a godawful piece of shit of a day in which Dean Winchester Is Handling It, until of course he isn't -- but he is, because he has to, because what other choice is there? This one does a great job of showcasing the misery without lingering on it in a maudlin or tedious way. There's just the job, and then the next job after. After another moment or two he scrubbed a hand over his wet face and went looking for his thermos, and the last of the cold coffee it held. Because they had power now, yes, but there was no telling whether they would have power later, and as they were clearly not going to be going anywhere for a few days, he had work to do before it maybe went.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez, which is allll the way up to 7k and retains interest throughout. The big strength in this one is that Sam is competent, steady, believable-from-canon Sam when we get so much over-the-top meathead jerk or simpering babyboy who reads 15 when he's mean to be 40. I'm just blown over by all that SAM. This fic is really about Dean's misery in s7 but it's dealt with pragmatically, almost implacably; more ott than the show went on some details, but the overall vibe is nevertheless: they will get through it because this is who they are. I appreciate that always and forever. He's the one with the secret, now. He hadn't meant it to be that way. But Sam asked Dean to trust him, and Dean said okay because he was sorry for using the F-word. Sorry for putting that look on Sam's face, for making him feel like a freak, the way he hadn't been for laying him out with his fist. It's ridiculous, how he still folds like a house of cards where Sam's concerned, no matter how many times he's told himself he won't do it again. But now he's stuck with the lie, and has no one to blame but himself.

That's probably enough to be going on with. If you read these, please leave a comment to tell the author that you appreciate their work, because it should be appreciated.

[cookiemom6067]

Podfic of "a journey of a thousand miles" by killabeez

Sam spends a lot of time being afraid, but it's not the things that go bump in the night that scare him the most.

[treesspeaklatin]

It's spirk ficrec time! Fics with less than 400 kudos - part 2

Part 1 here ; part 3 coming soon

These things we do not speak of - Della19 (AOS)

Basically anything written by this author is the best thing you'll read today, but this one, omg, this one. I don't have the right words to describe what it did to my heart. It's a classic falling in love - introspection - pon farr fic. The author has an amazing control of their style and of the characters, and the levels of pining are astronomical. Locked on ao3, so you'll need an account to read it.

The Sea King - killabeez (TOS MIRROR)

When I found this fic I couldn't believe my eyes. It's a mirroresque Gilgamesh au, elegant, epic and bittersweet. The mix of futuristic and mythological elements is really good. Can I say Gilgamesh and Enkidu were the original t'hy'la? There, I said it. Read this if you're looking for something different and you want to be surprised.

Root Systems - Moonfishgirl (AOS)

During a stay on New Vulcan, Jim watches Spock exist inside his own culture, and in the process he discovers something about himself (spoiler: he looooves him!). Adorable fic, rich on Vulcan traditions. Read this if you are into some good Vulcan culture and ancient t'hy'la warrior bond lore.

Five times Bones and Jim forgot they were married - Goldencoalcat (AOS MCSPIRK)

This time I wanted to include some Bones/Kirk/Spock too. This fic is adorable and a good Jim character study. It explores his relationship with his family and Winona in particular, and the reasons why he has issues with being loved. Characters are spot on. Read this if you're in the mood for hurt!Jim being pampered and loved by his two husbands.

one grave too many - leafings (every universe)

Not exactly a mirror universe, but a twisted, fucked-up universe in which the crew loves Jim in a dark and obsessive way and is willing to do anything for his sake, and I mean here Enterprise rhymes with homicide. In the midst of the dark stuff, to no one's surprise, Jim and Spock also find time for their t'hy'la shit. I live for this concept.

A heart even more your own - cicia3 (TOS)

Hey, it's me. I wanted to end with this fic of mine because I really think I wrote this in some sort of mystical fit and I'll never write something this good again lol it's a Persuasion AU with some other good old Austen shenanigans. Excruciating pining + sexual tension + romance.

(last but not the least. Do you know why I specifically choose fics with less than 400 kudos? Because they are fucking amazing and it's ridiculous they don't have something like 2k kudos while they deserve so much more recognition. So PLEASE for the love of god, if you're gonna read these fics and if you'll love them (and you'll probably love them) tell the authors! Smash that kudos button, leave a comment, send them heart emojis, share those fics and don't let them die in the dust!)

Share this post for a better world ❤️

[hlh-shortcuts]

A Fool at the Right Time by killabeez

Summary: It's Duncan's birthday, and Amanda means well. She does.

Why should you read this? Because everything Killa writes is brilliant. Wait wait wait. Okay. There are other reasons. The spot-on character voices. I'm a sucker for those. The well-meaning scheming of the daring and incomparable Amanda Darieux. The fact that Duncan and Methos are utter idiots who cannot be brought together without well-meaning scheming, and if they had just told her everything, she could have-- Well, she couldn't have, but surely they could have worked something out sooner.

Also there's a scorchingly hot threesome with deep emotional connection between these three that should never be passed up.

[nephilot]

wincest rec authors: hathfrozen, goshen (applecrumbledore), candle_beck, paxlux, killabeez, nigeltde, deadlybride…

thank u for the recs!! i think i'm reading an outsider pov by goshen rn and i'm loving it

[jennelikejennay]

24!

Favorite fic I read this year.

You don't know what you're asking, I read so many 😭

I'll mention just a few but even that is a challenge:

Turning Point by killabeez

Nightvisions by Susan K James

Time After Time by spaceisgay...read it on one of my worst mental health days this year and laughed till I cried

Is There Beauty in the Stranger by CampySpaceSlime

[envythemouse]

Best voicemail fix-it fics

Why wasn't this in the show?? How do you manage to write 15 seasons of a show and forget to address the voicemail that broke my Sammy's heart and basically caused the apocalypse?? Same thing for the samulet.

Remind Me of Who I Used to Be by TeleportingAspen

Summary: Sam has a vision of Magda’s death, and turns to an old mp3 file to cope. But a dream and a discovery suggest that neither the power nor the voicemail was what it seemed…

Envy’s notes: I’m putting this voicemail fix-it first because it’s painfully underrated and only has 45 kudos.

Sam listens to the voicemail on repeat and gets a vision where he talks to another psychic child.

Dean finds him listening to the voicemail.

Spoiler: The child he speaks to is Rosie Holt, the baby he saved from Azazel in season one! I love their interaction in this fic.

One Message left by somalester

Summary: Sam jumped into the cage, trapping Lucier and leaving a grieving Dean behind. Two months later, he's still determined to find a way to get his little brother out of hell, but slowly falling apart when he finds something in Sams old backpack and a very intersting voicemail on his little brothers phone.

Envy’s notes: Dean goes through Sam’s old phone while Sam is in the cage and finds the fake voicemail. Hurt/no comfort because Dean can’t even tell Sam it wasn’t real and that he does love his brother :(

Don't Judge a Book by Its Author by mtwin

Summary: Chuck's back at his typewriter and if the boys want to avoid his brother-kill-brother ending, they'll need to know the ins and outs of Chuck's other stories- namely, the Supernatural series. While Sam is reluctantly reading one of the more painful books, he discovers a voicemail he never received and a voicemail Dean never sent. He goes to Dean for some answers and a very old hurt finally gets some comfort.

Envy’s notes: Sam finds out about the voicemail being fake by reading the Supernatural books, Dean is a good brother and makes Sam talk about it when he tries to act like it’s nothing.

Whumptober 2020 by sammy_whammy_whumperflies (chapter 2)

Summary: Dean finds out about The Voicemail...at the worst possible moment.

Envy’s notes: Another one where Dean goes through Sam’s voicemails after Sam tricks Lucifer.

You Have One Saved Message by killabeez

Summary: A tag to episode 6.18, "Frontierland," indirectly. Sam gets a new smart phone.

Envy’s notes: Dean picks up a new phone for Sam, when the account syncs a saved voicemail shows up.

The Fight Was Fixed by angelshotgun

Summary: After that voicemail was tampered with, Sam thinks Dean is going to kill him. This is pure, self-indulgent angst followed by fluffy happiness. In short, I fixed the thing, because the show never bothered to.

Envy’s notes: Sam asks Dean to kill him like he promised he would.

[kuwdora]

January 7 - What art form would you like to try that you haven't—or, alternately, what art form have you tried that you most want to work on? -killabeez

KILLA!! What a great prompt, thank you for asking me an art question!

I spent the previous few years working on acrylic pours which has been amazing and fun and messy and a joy. but I could sense that I needed to shift gears eventually…

I’m getting back into intuitive/expressionistic painting again and some mixed media. I’m also looking forward to trying to develop some figurative drawing skills. I have not had the patience or inclination to work on my drawing skills before but I think I’ve reached the point where I really want to focus on drawing so I can do figurative abstract. Currently not very good at drawing shapes and people with any kind of intent or control. I’ve got a number of tutorials queued up for the new year. Did some practice in October and November sporadically. Have plenty of sketchbooks and even tracing paper to practice with.

I just need to put it all together and begin this new art practice and stick with it for awhile. I want to draw people, trees, plants. And cats. Been working on my doodle skills. Daily practice. Slow and purposeful.

Tools-wise I also was really fond of spray painting techniques that I tried. But I never have a good place to do that outdoors and I can't do that indoors. However I do have an air compressor and have practiced with that a little bit but I want to do more with that.

I would love do various kinds of acrylic pour galaxies with airbrush planets and nebulas, using some sponging and blending techniques too for starscapes. I had this vague idea to recreate the color palette of Star Wars planets that I kind of tried to some degree a few years ago but didn’t get too far with. It’s very cool. I just need way more practice! Here's some early practice with spray paint and later a masking attempt with a purple-y acrylic pour. The tall piece was an acrylic pour and later splattered with paint in my bath tub. Finished with a circle stencil and airbrushing for the spheres. It turns out I have to focus really hard to understand light/shadow.

I cleaned my room and hauled out a bunch of old paintings to stare at while I do some fresh warm-ups this month. I feel like I had stalled out with this kind of thing, but I think there's more I can do to express myself. Most of these I don't think have enough structure to ground the eye and whatnot, but that's why I've been staring at them off and on for a week while reviewing some inspiration videos and books. Been thinking more about color blocking and linework to help create structure.

I'm feeling adrift when it comes to sharing/posting art on various social media platforms because of the spam on Insta/Twitter (I was getting dozens of spam replies/DMs and requests for NFTs/probable theft). Not sure if to create a new sideblog or new tumblr for my art. Or if I want to rename my studio name that doesn't feel quite right anymore but I'm not ready to give up yet. Thinking about crossposting on dreamwidth/bluesky and image hosting. But really I need to keep warming my brain and brushes back up.

Anyway! Have some fresh art that I've practiced this week!

Acrylic on canvas board. Love me some quinacridone magenta on the left. The right piece has modeling paste and sand for texture. Gonna do some more layering on that.

January posting meme + claim a date - prompt me. Still writing about pretty much anything.

[ao3feed-spirk]

Dante's Prayer

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/50182972 by killabeez Kirk's most profound dark night of the soul. Words: 0, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen, M/M Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock (Star Trek), Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Saavik (Star Trek), Nyota Uhura Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock Additional Tags: Embedded Video, Video, Fanvids, My First Fanvid read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/50182972

[meeedeee]

Don't Fear the Reaper by killabeez

Come on, baby, take my hand.

(Feed generated with FetchRSS) from Search Works | Archive of Our Own https://ift.tt/cf5w0I2 via https://ift.tt/gPJbsVT

[treesspeaklatin]

It's spirk ficrec time! Fics with less than 400 kudos - part 2

Part 1 here ; part 3 coming soon

These things we do not speak of - Della19 (AOS)

Basically anything written by this author is the best thing you'll read today, but this one, omg, this one. I don't have the right words to describe what it did to my heart. It's a classic falling in love - introspection - pon farr fic. The author has an amazing control of their style and of the characters, and the levels of pining are astronomical. Locked on ao3, so you'll need an account to read it.

The Sea King - killabeez (TOS MIRROR)

When I found this fic I couldn't believe my eyes. It's a mirroresque Gilgamesh au, elegant, epic and bittersweet. The mix of futuristic and mythological elements is really good. Can I say Gilgamesh and Enkidu were the original t'hy'la? There, I said it. Read this if you're looking for something different and you want to be surprised.

Root Systems - Moonfishgirl (AOS)

During a stay on New Vulcan, Jim watches Spock exist inside his own culture, and in the process he discovers something about himself (spoiler: he looooves him!). Adorable fic, rich on Vulcan traditions. Read this if you are into some good Vulcan culture and ancient t'hy'la warrior bond lore.

Five times Bones and Jim forgot they were married - Goldencoalcat (AOS MCSPIRK)

This time I wanted to include some Bones/Kirk/Spock too. This fic is adorable and a good Jim character study. It explores his relationship with his family and Winona in particular, and the reasons why he has issues with being loved. Characters are spot on. Read this if you're in the mood for hurt!Jim being pampered and loved by his two husbands.

one grave too many - leafings (every universe)

Not exactly a mirror universe, but a twisted, fucked-up universe in which the crew loves Jim in a dark and obsessive way and is willing to do anything for his sake, and I mean here Enterprise rhymes with homicide. In the midst of the dark stuff, to no one's surprise, Jim and Spock also find time for their t'hy'la shit. I live for this concept.

A heart even more your own - cicia3 (TOS)

Hey, it's me. I wanted to end with this fic of mine because I really think I wrote this in some sort of mystical fit and I'll never write something this good again lol it's a Persuasion AU with some other good old Austen shenanigans. Excruciating pining + sexual tension + romance.

{reposting because the first time it went under the radar! Please give some love to fic authors and reblog this post ❤️

[ao3wincest]

a journey of a thousand miles by killabeez (podfic)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/5yxozOQ by cookiemom6067 Sam spends a lot of time being afraid, but it's not the things that go bump in the night that scare him the most. Podfic of a journey of a thousand miles by killabeez. Words: 9, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: John Winchester Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wincest - Freeform, Slash, Teenchesters, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Download read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/5yxozOQ