#kieran...ur physicality...

[lovetgr76]

[skyedancer2006]

Hai!! It's me Mari/indigodiskmybeloved (hate mt main ;-;)

Anyways so I have question! Since in ur au, Kieran transformed into dragon via toxic chain. Did the Loyal Three go under a similar transformation, or is it something different?

Very good question!

Since the Loyal 3 were Pokémon originally, the transformation wasn’t nearly as drastic and detrimental as it was for Kieran, but there were definitely physical effects from their chains!

The sort of rationale behind BT actually comes from the canon related to that topic, since all of their flavor text on their map icons talk about the changes they underwent because of the chain (Okidogi going from small and wimpy to the bulky dog we see in game, Fezandipiti originally having dull feathers before wishing for beauty, and Munkidori becoming much more intelligent).

I haven’t really thought much about how their designs may differ in the AU; I’ve slowly been working on incorporating them more in the first place (though it’s hard considering most of the AU takes place at Blueberry Academy and not Kitakami)

Back to the original question though, yeah the Toxic Chain in the BT-verse at least has physical and mental effects on everyone; Kieran’s was so extreme bc he was originally human, and he was initially extremely willing and eager to accept the Chain (due to the Teal Mask events). If he wasn’t as willing, the effect wouldn’t have been as strong.

Thanks for the question!

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[arsenalgbt]

Yes that response is absolutely the vibe right now. I don't know what this idea is and I'm not even bringing all the ingredients to you right now so we can cook but I'm picturing a lot of emotional pain and it manifesting as physical symptoms and kieran sometimes being glad for the pain during physio because it dulls the emotional ache from time to time. Martin is also there in this au for some reason or another and has a part to play. He's looking out for both of them as best he can but they make it hard because they're closed off in different ways. I also don't think there's any happiness at the end. I think its right person wrong time or maybe it's wrong person right time. Maybe they aren't for each other but need each other. Does any of this make sense ? - 💙🤍 KT anon (who is indeed going through it right now)

damn that's too heavy for me bro. definitely wrong person wrong time then, definitely not for each other but if they need each other; for what? why? 🤔

keeping u in my thought as ur going thru it right now. nothing lasts forever, including your pain. or, as stoicism said;

“It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them."

aka fuck it we ball dude. stoicism helps me from time to time, so I sincerely hope some would resonate with you!

[loverboyromanroy]

#but fuck the sheer boost of confidence she gives him with the tiniest TINIEST of assurances" I will have you deported

i just think they're neat :)

[beclynn-herondale]

No pressure but I would love to know:

1. Favourite TMI quote(s)

2. Favourite TID quote(s)

3. Favourite TDA quote(s)

And any others :D

I love ur blog btw 😘

Okay, this took a long while, and I am sorry.

My mind went blank for some reason. Also, these are not all my favorite quotes, just the ones I could remember at the moment. I might make a list some day 🤔

I'm glad you like my blog 😘

TMI:

Because what was the point in crying when there was no one there to comfort you? And what was worse, when you couldn't even comfort yourself? - something Clary thought in City of Glass.

“I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there’s a life after that, I’ll love you then.”

"There are a hundred trillion cells in the human body, and every single of the cells in my body loves you. We shed cells, and grow new ones, and my new cells love you more than the old ones, which is why I love you more than I did the day before. It's science. And when I die and they burn my body and I become ashes that mix with the air, and part of the ground and trees and stars, everyone who breathes that air or sees the flowers that grow out of the ground or looks up at the stars will remember you and love you, because I love you that much." - Clary to Jace

"It's not a stab wound you can protect me from. It's a million little paper cuts every day." - Alec

“It means ‘Shadowhunters: looking better in black than the widows of our enemies since 1234.” - Jace

“As if I could stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. Since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely.” Jace to Clary

“Heroes aren’t always the ones who win. They’re the ones who lose, sometimes. But they keep fighting, they keep coming back. They don’t give up. That’s what makes them heroes.” - Clary to Emma

“Did you ever think that in a past life Alec was an old woman with ninety cats who was always yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? Because I do.” - Jace

“Love isn’t moral or immoral. It just is.” - Clary

“I hate ducks. Don’t know why. I just always have.” - Jace

“My heart is your heart. My hands are your hands.” Jace to Clary

Surely she was too young to have so many ghosts. - something Clary tho6yo herself

“Weapons, when they break and are mended, can be stronger at the mended place. Perhaps hearts are the same.” - Jace

“But from now on Herondales owe the Carstairs. Okay? Remember that.” - Jace

“You have to know I wouldn’t wish for a different life. This life brought me you.” Clary to Jace

“Who’s there? Of course, even I, as a Shadowhunter, have seen enough movies to know that anyone who yells ‘Who’s there?’ is going to be instantly killed.” - Jace

"No," she said. "I'm going to be a Shadowhunter, but I'm not going to be like my father. And my name's Clarissa, but you can call me Clary." - Clary

“Every time I think I’m missing a piece of me, you give it back.” Jace to Clary

You could have had anything else in the world, and you asked for me."

She smiled up at him. Filthy as he was, covered in blood and dirt, he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. "But I don't want anything else in the world."

"But I don't want anything else in the world.

TID:

If there is no one in the world who cares for you, do you really exist at all? - Tessa if I remember correctly

“One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.”

“It was books that made me feel that perhaps i was not completely alone.” - Will

“Whatever you are physically, male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy – all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. Whatever the color, the shape, the design of the shade that conceals it, the flame inside the lamp remains the same. You are that flame.” — Jem

TDA:

“You might think you want to die, but trust me – you don’t.” - Jace

“Some of us are very handsome dust.” - Jace

“There’s never going to be anyone else for me. That’s just how it is.” Clary about her and Jace

This is probably a bad idea,” Jace said. “Like, a record-breakingly bad idea. Like a go-down-in-history bad idea. But—”

Clary bounced to her feet. “What he means is, we’re in,” she said. “We love bad ideas.”

“That’s true,” Jace admitted, a smile breaking over his face. Suddenly he looked seventeen again.

Jace and Clary in TDA

“You belong where you're loved.” - Emma said this i think.

“Lex malla, lex nulla. A bad law is no law.” - Blackthorns

“Everyone is more than one thing,” said Kieran. “We are more than single actions we undertake, whether they be good or evil.”

They’re here right now?” Clary sputtered. “But—I’m wearing a T-shirt that says ‘Unicorn Power’—”

“There are no such things as unicorns,” Jace said.

“I know,” Clary said. “That’s why it’s funny

- Clace in TDA is married

“The world is terrible,” said Mark tonelessly. “And some are drawn down into it and drown there, and some rise above and carry others with them.”

“The Law is annoying, but it is also flexible.” - Emma

“You see, I do not want a body without a heart.” - Cristina

“Well, either you’ve been out fighting the forces of evil or you’ve come from a much wilder party than we have,” Jace said. “Hello, there, Blackthorns.”

Remember you're awesome 😎

[smutty-ki113r]

Mmmm hello again

Idk I like leavin lil messages here

Anyway it's Kieran, the one the only *clears throat* badabing badaboom

I'm just gonna leave somethin in Ur inbox everyday for you to find

the Kieran Letter Saga, day 1

Hope you've been sleepin well, eatin and drinkin. You've been postin a lot of matchups lately and I don't want you to overwork yourself, ya know? Health is very important.

Remember that sleep is also very good for you

Ciao

Anon Kieran

You. I love you. YOU ARE SO KIND. And this makes my heart burst. I physically cannot sleep until like 2am 😃 and I don’t know why. I am mindful about the overworking part although I get so excited and have so many ideas 😚. I get stressed that my followers will come at me for not posting so often but it’s just my paranoia. 😔 I do get so happy interacting with the people who read my work so I want all of y’all to like me. The fact that I’m a people pleaser reeks 😖. Anyway, I love you Kieran <<<<<<<3333

[thewaterisblackwithvenom]

My initial impression of Kieran was that he was an anxious, weak nerved kiss-up. I mean he doesn’t make any attempt to fight back when Arthur captures him, even if he stands there and does nothing. Dude’s got a gun. Makes zero attempt to go for it. My initial thoughts was he was too cowardly to even fight back, when in reality Arthur was running for him with a lasso. His hands are literally full. Who Arthur is doesn’t really matter; he doesn’t have a weapon drawn and is clearly trying to take him alive. Unless he’s a massively terrible shot, he could’ve easily shot Arthur. Clearly he’s more afraid of what Colm will due to him than just dying(which makes sense, especially with how he went out : )))) ), so it really would’ve been in his best interest to die trying to kill Arthur instead of being captured, most likely killed, and most likely tortured beforehand. Far as I can figure, reasons for just surrendering would’ve been

Fear (logical, but with his biggest fear being whatever Colm would do to him, doesn’t seem as likely, even if he was straight up panicking)

Pacifism (not saying he’s a pacifist, but he’s definitely not a fighter by nature, despite his will to live) 

Once he’s captured, he holds out for about a month in sh*t conditions. He breaks once they turn their violent attention to him, but even then he still tried to hold out. The only reason I can think of why he wouldn’t just talk is fear of what Colm would do to him if he made it out alive. If he was scared that the Van Der Lindes would kill him after he talked, he could’ve stayed quiet longer, I guess, though really who could hold out when you’re being threatened with castration lmao.

After the fact, I expect my initial impression to be right. It wasn’t. I mean, I was 100% right about him being a genuinely nice person, not exactly cut out for outlaw life, and not a rat or weaselly person. Things I were wrong about were his general demeanor. 

He’s a naturally positive and friendly person. Despite being constantly picked on and flat out threatened, he’ll even greet Sadie(who is probably most likely to kill him in the beginning, let’s be honest) with a level of confidence I didn’t expect. He doesn’t slink around her with his head down, but is 100% aware that she hates him, and I’ve never heard him try to change that. He’ll greet her, but goes out of his way to let her know that “I’m here and realize that you hate me so I’m giving you space”. Anyone else who calls him “O’Driscoll”, he’ll get upset and correct them. Sadie straight up tells him to die and he doesn’t say boo. I love that he is aware of her pain and doesn’t try to change her feelings about him just so he can sleep better at night. He plays the long game; respecting her boundaries, and not giving her any other reasons to hate him, hoping that someday she’ll maybe at least not despise him for just being connected to her enemies in the past. He could b*tch and moan about how he had nothing to do with Jake’s murder; he wasn’t there, he didn’t pull the trigger, and he didn’t want that to happen. He really is innocent. But he leaves that and her the f*ck alone, the only contact he initiates is just general politeness. She makes real threats, and he has ever reason to believe her, but he still has the balls to not cower around her. If anyone else in the gang makes any kind of “O’Driscoll” comment, he gets genuinely irritated and corrects them, even if it’s hopeless. Not just the women, who(save for Sadie and Mrs. Grimshaw) aren’t a threat. But he’ll get upset and snap back at Arthur and Javier that he’s not an O’Driscoll. I don’t believe for a second that Kieran thinks he could beat either of them in a fight. He’s not a fighter, and he’s also not stupid. He’s survived about half his life being beaten around. The reason he’s survived could be luck, but also him knowing how far he can press his luck with very dangerous people. I used to find it amusing in the beginning when he’d snap back, because like. Lmao, you really wanna get upset with Arthur? Seriously? Dude. Don’t go there.

He stands up for himself, and is confident enough in himself to be as bold as to say to Arthur’s face, that he’s not a bad person, and that’ll he’ll warm to him eventually. That also caught me off guard, because I was under the general assumption “god this kid is me. anxious af, doesn’t like people, just likes horses”. I projected far too much lmao, because despite him feeling more comfortable with horses, he’s pretty outgoing, in a confident way. If people are just indifferent to him, he has no problem going out of his way to greet people with confidence. When he’s being bullied, he’s ballsy enough to stand up for himself, and when people are genuinely nice to him, he’ll show signs of being flustered/anxious, likely due to the fact he probably has very little experience with kindness. Whatever kindness he experienced outside family was most likely fake and extremely conditional. He never made any comments about having relationships of any kind with anyone. His life has been about survival. He knows how to not press his luck with the wrong people, knows basic social manners(how to be friendly without being overbearing, how to give people space, and even when he helped Molly out of the stagecoach), but I feel like he has the least experience in healthy relationships. Relationships where someone is actually nice to him. That’s also why I’m 1,000% peeved that we didn’t really get to befriend him. Watching him come out of his shell more was so nice. Save for his massive guilt about Jack(which wasn’t even his fault anyway), he was finally starting to feel like he belonged there. Sh*t hurts man.

I think the thing that caught me most off guard was his level of confidence that you really get to see in his fishing side mission.

Arthur says that he’s(Arthur) not that great a fisherman, and Kieran, not missing a beat, comes back with “But I am! *laughs* I’ll teach you something.”, all of which happens seconds after Kieran is done straight up mocking Arthur’s teasing of him. If I hadn’t spent 5,000 years wandering around camp, and getting to see everyone’s personalities that you’d miss if you flew through story mode, that mission would’ve made my head spin. If your impression of Kieran is “soft scared horse boy”, there’s so much that happens in like, a minute that’d throw you off.

Arthur asks Kieran if he’s going fishing

Kieran, likely caught off guard by someone going out of their way to interact with him in a non-hostile way, says yes

Arthur, incapable of just being nice to him follows up with a threatening tone “... or running back to Colm O’Driscoll?”, bc f*ck this guy actually knowing I’m starting to warm up to him, I have to be a Big Tough Outlaw bc I am a Bad Man

Kieran, irritated and a bit nervous now, snaps back that of course he’s not 

Arthur responds by bumping his fist against Kieran’s shoulder/chest, gives an amused chuckle, and responds with “pffft, I’m just joking w/ u lol relax”  (I love this interaction because it really shows, at least to me, that Arthur is genuinely starting to like Kieran. instead of continuing along the lines of “watch yourself”, his tone and body language gestures that “I don’t mean it, I’m just messing with you”. Even if he’s still being an *ss, it’s not like his previous interactions. The playful physical contact, non-menacing laugh, and “I’m just kidding w/ u” comment are all friendly gestures. He wouldn’t do any of those if he actually didn’t like Kieran. Arthur’s not a touchy-feely “I’ll fake like I’m your friend so I can slit your throat later” kind of person)

Kieran’s nervousness instantly melts away and he responds with “wow. ur so funny. hah hah. rlly had me goin there. ur hilaaaaarious.” he’s 100% done and just rolls his eyes at this point.

Arthur just goes “shut up”, and I love the way he says it this time bc he’s more like. Offended/irritated that he’s being sassed instead of actually meaning “shut up or else”. He’s all “>:((( shut up brat” and it’s cute lmao. 

Not two seconds after Arthur tells Kieran to shut up, he absolutely doesn’t and invites him fishing. Like, a genuine “hey wanna go fishing?” and not like, a “desperate for your approval, please give me more opportunities to prove myself to you”.

Arthur says he’s not a great fisherman, and Kieran responds with “Yeah but I am!”, laughs, and says he can teach Arthur something.  I found this part super fascinating, because as someone with severe anxiety, my response would’ve been totally different. I’m confident in a few areas; I know what I’m good at, and what I’d be semi-competent at teaching people, but if someone-- especially someone higher on the social ladder than I am-- said that they weren’t good at something, that I was really good at, I always try and downplay things so as not to make the other person feel like they’re lesser than me. I like to think my art skills are decent, so if that kind of situation came up “I’m not a great artist”, my response would be more like “Heh neither am I, but I know some tricks that have made things a lot easier. I can show them to you!” Kieran straight up told Arthur Morgan that he’s a great fisherman, and could teach Arthur something. Former O’Driscoll, teaching Dutch’s right hand man something. That was a cocky move, even if it’s true. I love that he has the confidence to flat out say that without even backpedaling. Kid knows his worth and isn’t afraid to just blurt it out.

Arthur responds with a friendly “Sure”. Not like an “yeah alright fine”, but more like how he responds to people who considers friends. Come to think of it, other than certain instances where Kieran pushes his luck here, Arthur is friendlier/less hostile and grumpy with Kieran than he is with Sean lmao. Granted, Sean is uhhh, overbearing and obnoxious, but Arthur sees him as a younger sibling, not an ex-O’Driscoll. 

On their way to the beach, Kieran brings up past vs present. “who would’ve thought we’d be going fishing together when it wasn’t that long ago that I was tied up on the back of your horse begging for mercy?” He says it with such a light hearted tone like it wasn’t even a big deal. He could’ve died from dehydration/starvation/the cold, and he’s literally like “isn’t life funny?” Don’t know whether to be impressed that it didn’t leave him with serious trauma and resentment or said that maybe he doesn’t see it as that big a deal because he’s had worse. Either way, the way he says it is interesting to me.

Ofc Arthur has to remind him “how do you know I’m not dragging you away from camp to kill you?” bc again, can’t let this kid know I’m actually starting to like him. He Must Know that I am a Big Bad Threat.  “..because I saved your life”  “ya and every day I don’t kill you I’m saving yours” “you don’t mean that” “yes I do I am Serious so shut it” Kieran knows Arthur well enough that while the threat is still a touch unnerving, he has the guts to point out that he doesn’t mean it. he knows Arthur well at this point, and despite the slight possibility he might actually mean that, he choses to believe it’s just Arthur being... Arthur.

Throughout the trip, Kieran opens up about camp life and his past, and in general Arthur doesn’t have anything that nice to say. Arthur’s genuinely a nice person, but I wouldn’t call him “soft”, so that doesn't’ surprise me. Despite this, he’s not exactly mean to Kieran like he used to be. He’s not remotely sympathetic, but at the same time he wouldn’t be for really anyone else, either. Maybe the women bc women, but. However, towards the end, when Kieran talks about losing his family and being on his own since then, Arthur does comment along the lines of “well, look at it this way, you’ll never be alone again”. I could be misinterpreting it, but I think that’s Arthur’s way of saying “you’re one of us now”. Can’t really say anything nice to him or show sympathy, but “you’ll never be alone again” could’ve been his way of trying to comfort him in an offhand sort of way.

Not what Arthur meant, but I couldn’t help but laugh when Kieran was like “do you think Dutch trusts me now?” me and Arthur both laughed, sad thing is I laughed bc I’m like “yo Dutch don’t even trust Arthur lmaooo, shoot for something actually obtainable Kieran”

This is already five pages longer than I intended it to be lmao, but literally my entire point is that my impression of Kieran had been that he was a soft, nervy person with low self confidence. The way I see it, all the evidence proves that he’s a lot more than a lot of people give him credit for. 

He is a sweetheart by nature; I really don’t think there’s a mean bone in his body. He’ll stick up for himself and get irritated, but I can’t think of a single instance where he did or said anything mean-spirited. He’s helpful for the sake of being helpful, and is grateful for any actual kindness shown to him. He grows to genuinely care about the gang’s overall well being, and goes so far as to flat out state he’d give his life for Jack’s if he could, despite Jack being a brat to him in the beginning. But despite the fact that he’s a kind hearted individual, he will stand up for himself, and if the follower glitch dialog is accurate, he will engage in combat if he has to. A lot of his dialog is pretty snarky too, which I thought was interesting. I thought he’d be a lot more jumpy and nervous during a shootout, but again I was wrong.  To me all evidence points to his anxiety/nervousness all being circumstantial. It really only presents itself when his safety is actively being threatened, and in foreign situations(people going out of their way to be friendly to him; catches him off guard). So yeah, I think you could technically call him an anxious person and it be somewhat accurate, but he’s not anxious like people today are. His anxiety isn’t “across a broad range of circumstances”, as are anxiety disorders. I think it’s more accurate to say that Kieran is a pretty self confident, moderately outgoing person with a bright personality, despite the sh*t he’s been and still going through. And that’s what I love about him.

I started out feeling bad for him, with a touch of amusement, just for the fact that I really did pity him. He just seemed like such an unfortunate person. I felt really bad having to bring him in, because my general impression was that he’s really not meant for the outlaw life and was probably a nice person. Hated having to bring him in, but having read his bio before playing the game, I was at least relived that his position as part of the gang meant that me bringing him in wasn’t going to result in having to be the cause of his demise. Him being tied up for weeks made me feel really bad since I couldn’t do sh*t to help him out any, because Arthur didn’t give a damn. Poor thing didn’t even have shelter when it rained in 40℉ weather, and didn’t even have his coat on. Once he was free to move around, I was a bit surprised at how confident he was in greeting Arthur. Save for Tilly, in my game, Kieran greets Arthur more than anyone else in camp. Always bright and cheery. Seeing as how I spent most of my time in camp on the outskirts doing chores(see also: avoiding Dutch lmao), running into Kieran a lot was unavoidable, especially because Arthur’s morning routine is cooking breakfast by the campfire. Eeeevery morning, there’s Kieran. Literally can tell what hour it is by where Kieran is and what he’s doing, and vice versa. If it’s 2pm, I know exactly where Kieran is. With how much time I spent at camp, it didn’t take any time at all before I was very familiar with him. I never had any negative feelings or suspicion towards him, but other than our shared fondness for horses, I had no real reason to like him(pity isn’t exactly a reason to like someone after all). But I grew fond of him so quickly ever since dragging him down from Colter, especially after he saved Arthur. He was brave enough to stick up for himself, brave enough to risk his life saving Arthur, and brave enough to state that he’s “one of you now”. He does more than his fair share of chores every day, stays out of everyone’s way, and remains bright and friendly despite his sh*t circumstances. Oh and he loves horses. Those are the reasons I grew attached to him, and still am. I thought he was just 1889 me, but now I realize he’s a lot of what I wish I was. I love his confidence, despite the fact that he has no one backing him up. Ever. I have supportive people backing me, and yet if someone says sh*t to my face it’s going to make me seriously question my worth. Kieran Duffy fights back anxiety, plants his feet and defends himself. I’m f*cking proud of that boy.

Oh my GOD this is embarrassingly long lmao, but I f*cking love Kieran Duffy with all my heart and I feel like so many overlook how strong he actually is. He’s not an ~anxious soft boy~. He’s sweet, and kind, hard working and self reliant, open and honest, confident and snarky, and is just overall such a lovable, wonderful person. He’s not a weak little snitch, nor a skittish people-pleaser. He wants to be liked for who he is, and while he’s always trying to prove himself, he plays the long game and lets that happen naturally. He’s not a boot licker like Micah. I hate that a lot of the gang gave him such constant sh*t, and that despite the fact no one liked him, Micah was treated like “one of the gang”, when he said so much sh*t. Motherf*cker made comments about throwing out the women since they were “dead weight who you can’t even f*ck”, and older “less useful” members like Uncle and Swanson. Meanwhile Kieran works himself to death on a daily basis, but all the Big Men of camp pretty much hold his past over him constantly, despite the fact that he didn’t have a choice, and wasn’t even really part of the gang. It’s just really sh*tty and I hate it lmao.

I’m going to shut up now and pray to GOD this doesn’t make it into the tags or so help me I’ll tag it later lmao. 

[dxmagedrose]

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Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

A doodle of Amal, as I finally play Inquisition with my correct world state. He was already a sad, tired, dissociative mage before DA:O started, and having to watch a bunch of people die ur first day on a job and get stuck with the task of uniting a kingdom and slaying an archdemon isn’t great for ur mental and physical health.

At least he has Zev, Morrigan, and Kieran. 

[lovetgr76]

I love them so much 🥰😍❤️

[lovetgr76]

[lovetgr76]

When you're caught blatantly staring...

But no one blames you because check out this view!!

[lovetgr76]

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Roman Roy Was Never Going to Play Nice With Waystar Studios - PRIMETIMER

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2023 Emmy Predictions: Best Drama Actor – GoldDerby